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#cw assisted suicide

salineroses · 10 months

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Unnamed #1

a poem on c!wilbur's limbo

(here we go again)

it's too loud

way too

loud the train tracks

haven't broken already. i'm surprised 3 years ago.

now?

...

he's better than me

he's better and I

hate

that i can't be him

and he's made a new friend

and maybe

when you're really

really

sad

you lose your poetic charm

the stage can go fuck itself

while you sit there

and wonder

why your body

won't

rot

and all I hear

is chugachugachugachugachugachugachugachuga-

and it never stops if never stops why does it never stop and again and again and the dull undertones of modernist, sleek metal chambers splattered with blood merges into line. neat lines. my blood didn't make a neat line

I hope they're all ok

when a brother's laugh transcends death and time to help you remember how to smile,

never

stop

calling him 'brother'

when you still remember hear symphonies that remember how to make make you remember how to cry

never

stop

calling it home

please. just remember this, ok?

(but why? why, when i'm stuck here for eternity, and more? mother, why do you not visit me anymore? does death rid a parent of their parenthood?

is that why dad did it?

no.

no, that was me.

don't.

you asked him to.

that's on you. you didn't give him a chance to say no.

you, you you are the scum of the earth-

call my bluff.

I SAID.

CALL.

MY.

BLUFF.

yeah, that's what I thought.)

my son.

i. have. a. son.

i- oh my god, I - i fu- how did i - fuck - that's my SON-

HOW DID I FUCKING FORGET

yeah

yeah, i'm NOT ok. thanks for asking

#limbobur #limbobur my love #hints of pogbur #cw assisted suicide #as per canon #cw blood #heavy themes #<- mainly for parenthood and death and how they relate to each other #angst #dsmp poetry #first poem i decided to put swearing in #twas not a good day when i wrote this like 2 weeks ago

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gettingovershame · 2 years

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No, but forreal Elinor needs to take little Juli to a hospital/hospice/elder care centre that doesn’t legally allow medically assisted suicide and then find someone who has BEEN wanting to die since TIME for her to drain as a favour to them… like…

COME ON!!!

#cw sui mention #cw suicide #cw assisted suicide #medically assisted suicide #first kill

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scientia-rex · 2 months

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I honestly kind of hate my job today. I had to work with a different MA and although she is nice she is simply not as good at her job as my usual MA, so I made a couple of really boneheaded errors and had to get a bunch of shit myself which slowed me down. I had a failed attempt at draining a subungual hematoma even though I warned her it was probably already coagulated. I had my worst patient, who seems to come in just to fuck with me. I’m not kidding, by the way. Behavioral Health also sees them and concur. My boss gave me shit about masking. I had a sinus headache. I got more messages from the clinic manager, which is just always universally bad. I had leftover notes from yesterday bc I left early for a talk on wound care (hosted by a pharma rep; dazzlingly beautiful and intelligent, and I kept thinking all the way through, how do you feel about the commodification of your face and body in the service of a mega-corporation? but I ate the dinner anyway). I had my most complicated patient, who is staying with her abusive husband because she’s on hospice and she can’t afford other forms of end of life care. She can barely afford the medication to end her life—the cheapest source around here is still 700 bucks. To commit physician-assisted suicide. They’ve stopped calling it that and gone through all kinds of names, but that’s still what it is: I put the drugs in their hands and tell them how to take the drugs so they die as comfortably as possible. And I believe that it is ethical, but I also believe it is much less necessary than I used to think, because transitioning to comfort care in a hospital where you have the option of patient-controlled analgesia is the way to go. Her body is failing more every time I see her. The agony is constant. I saw a patient who cries every time I see them about how their children don't love them.

I want so much more for both myself and the world.

#the attending dr. kristophine #assisted suicide cw

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powderblueblood · 4 months

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i have daaaaark thoughts about this can i tell you

like what if what if what actually if ray doevski (who is lacy's father duh who is a low grade narco also) helped elizabeth munson with assisted suicide when she got sick

because the munsons were poor as fuck no health insurance and al as much as he wanted to stick a big job to rake in enough cash for elizabeth's treatment COULDN'T

elizabeth approaches ray and is like 'man. let me give it to you straight. i want you to kill me. i don't mean like bullet through the eyes or drown me in a gasoline bath. i wanna peter out slow. not slow enough that my boy sees me real sick but slow enough that i still have some good days with him. think you can help me with that?'

ray, taken aback by her candor, 'what makes you think i'm capable of something like that?'

'you are. you're just impersonal about it. you got dealers that separate you from the blowback. this'd be a favor.'

and it's only now that ray has lacy that he understands that yeah of course you'd do anything for your kids. and elizabeth munson just has this effect on people.... goodness radiates off her. you want to give her what she wants.

after that lethal dose of whatever is administered and elizabeth dies peacefully in her bed when eddie is 6, her ghost dogs ray doevski around like a bloodhound. whatever about al (which is heartless, sure, watching that guy go crazy off the rails with grief), there's this cavernous debt between eddie munson and ray doevski that eddie will never know about.

he owes eddie a mother. or some semblance of peace.

elizabeth sticks around and reminds him of that.

his sweet lorelei, his lacy, constantly put in eddie's direct line of action and vice versa, reminds him of that.

the hook brings you back.

#am i making this canon??? would that be sick?????#i swear at one point hellfire & ice was JUST a romcom i swear #assisted suicide cw #whats going on its the LORDS DAY

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thestarlightforge · 4 months

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This morning, I’m thinking about how when Canada designed their medically assisted suicide laws, they didn’t do so with terminally ill people desiring hospice in mind, but rather because they are aware of the poor quality of life the West’s piss-poor anti-discrimination laws afford disabled people, and they would rather just kill us—and disguise it as a “kindness”—than even think about improving things

#they said the quiet part out loud #ableism #ableism cw #suicide #suicide cw #suicide tw #ableism tw #eugenics #genocide #medically assisted suicide #Canada #politics #us politics #u.s. politics

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sinclair-wax-fan · 2 years

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I don’t think Victor actually saw patients at the Sinclair’s home during his time as a doctor.

I think all the medical equipment we saw only came later, when Trudy was very sick, with Victor investing in some last ditch off the book medical experiments to try and save her.

And when I say “save her”--there’s actually three versions of how that could be interpreted:

1) Victor kept attempting medical solutions long past when other doctors would have just said “all we can do is make her comfortable,” partially out of co-dependency and largely out of professional pride--and probably greatly to the detriment of his wife’s quality of life in those last few months.

2) Trudy was not actually in immediate danger of dying due to the tumor, rather that it just altered her personality so drastically (delusions, outburst of violent rages, ongoing disorientation, even possible neurological affects that caused her to loose partial use of her hands or vision--thus requiring her be physically cared for) that he decided to “fix her”/”bring back” the woman he loved--in a manner involving deeply unethical and likely unnecessary medical treatments.

(This is the interpretation I tend to gravitate to personally--because I think it most reflects how Victor and Trudy saw the world, as extrapolated by their handling of Bo: utilizing any method available--no matter how extreme or unethical or abusive--they thought would make a person behave “the right way.”)

3) The darkest timeline: Trudy never had a tumor. She simply had a severe mental/personality disorder Victor grew tired of dealing with and he decided to try and “fix her.”

(I personally find this a little too extreme for my taste, but it would be in-line with HoW’s schlocky over the top melodrama.)

Regardless of how it went down:

I personally headcanon that at the end--whether due to affects of Victor’s medical experiments or him simply being unable to stop growth of the tumor--Trudy was largely gone mentally, nearly reduced to catatonia, but still very much alive. Possibly--though possibly not, depending on how you want to spin it--with months or even years ahead of her.

I think Victor killed himself partially out of shame and largely out of not wanting to deal with the reality of the situation.

He didn’t want to be left the single father of three high-needs teenagers, while forced to care for his now disabled wife, who he now viewed as nothing more than a testament of his professional and personal failures.

So he killed himself, and left his kids to deal with the fallout.

And this is all a very long way of sharing this final headcanon:

I don’t think Trudy simply passed away on her own.

I think Vincent euthanized her.

Now--as I said above, I personally like to believe Trudy really did have a tumor and I think it’s clear that Vincent genuinely loved his mother. So, I don’t think this would have been his go too option right out of the gate--I think he would have tried to carrying on care for her on his own for several months. Eventually, however, I think it would quickly wear him down to the point he could no longer continue doing so.

And at that point--after all the behavior that had been modeled for him, with the emphasis that you never revealed “family matters” to outside people and the glaring fact that Bo was likely actively beginning to kill people at this point--I think he would have seen euthanizing her as the only option available to him, and likely the kindest thing to do, in his mind.

I think he also never told Bo what he did.

(For many complicated reasons.)

At the end of the day, I think Trudy’s death is the one death Vincent has caused that he harbors real guilt over.

#vincent sinclair #trudy sinclair #victor sinclair #House of Wax #cw: abelism #cw: suicide #cw: medical abuse #cw: assisted suicide

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wihltedarchive · 1 year

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an earlier version of serena had a husband who died like in rp lore and im considering bringing that fact back

#it was like an assisted suicide he was a vampire and he wanted to die so she killed him #lol #but i wouldnt include that part BDBBDBDNDND #suicide cw -#ooc.

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ichayalovesyou · 2 years

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Is Pike the First Ever Human Delta Radiation Survivor? (More Disabled Pike Thoughts)

Ok I have something that’s been gnawing at my brain regarding Pike and his condition and quality of life (severe chronic pain, extremely reduced mobility and communication etc) and the limitations of his chair and a million other things. You can check out This Post about the Menagerie, and This Post on invisible illness representation if you’re curious about my other takes on this.

This meta is gonna get a little morbid (and possibly triggering) so I’m gonna put it under the cut here just in case:

We know from The Menagerie that in all likelihood that Chris is in no small amount of pain, and extreme chronic pain can have a devastating affect on quality of life. We can also infer that the chair's primary function is life support, preventing his DNA from unraveling to a deadly degree from the radiation, allowing him to be lucid, even if that state is delicate. He is in intensive care on Starbase 11, needs constant medical supervision from Bones, and severe emotional agitation could potentially put him in a coma.

We also know for a fact that Doctor Assisted Suicide is still very much a thing in the 23rd century, considering that McCoy honored his father's request for it from the vision of his past we got in Star Trek V. It is a very complicated topic that is extremely case by case that I am not gonna bat a hornet's nest by taking a side on it one way or the other. Aside from the patient's desires and consent being the most important aspect of anything medical, period.

Pike does not make that decision, even though he absolutely could even with the limitations of a "yes/no" machine, and I don't think it would be at all in character for him to choose to die (suicidal ideation/"high-functioning" depression aside). Potentially he already has by the time we see him in The Menagerie. Even if he is hanging by a thread, is suffering, and there's no cure or rehab on the horizon, he is choosing to live regardless of that.

What if he's the first person to ever survive Delta radiation, what if that chair is the first ever successful attempt at giving someone an lucid, somewhat independent and autonomous life after severe exposure?

I mean I can picture it, an emergency medical team coming in for the Cadets and discovering Pike is still alive and unconscious on the other side of the containment field. A brilliant team of doctor's coming up with a procedural plan to not only save his life, but allow him the opportunity to live a life, however difficult, afterward. The first step in being able to save people from exposure levels that would've otherwise had a 100% mortality rate.

It could be that Pike already knows or learns of this, and knows that such an incredible step forward could lead to even more scientific advancement that would lead other Delta radiation survivors to even more livable conditions, even total recovery in the future. Even if that future does not happen or is not a feasible adjustment in what remains of his lifetime. Not that he would ever choose to die, but that his suffering would still have even more of a purpose than just saving Spock's life and this timeline, but making progress for other people who survived Delta radiation like he had.

Regardless of whether he's made planned or expressed a desire to go to Talos IV that Spock has learned about, leading to his crazy plan in The Menagerie. I think Pike would choose to live, if only partly for that, because if we've learned anything about that guy, he's all about living and giving his life to others. The price to his own wellbeing is and has always been inconsequential.

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kamari2038 · 1 month

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Unusual political post... the MAID (medical aid in dying) situation in Canada

(TLDR skip to links at bottom) This is not a blog where I usually discuss political things, mostly because (1) off-theme for a fandom sideblog and (2) most of you are more politically active and well-educated than I am, so I don't see a need. So I'm just gonna make one singular post about this, not becauase it's the single most pressing issue (ongoing genocide in Gaza, rampant global warming, imminent threats to American democracy, continued LGBT discrimination, etc....) but because I knew absolutely nothing about this, and now that I've heard I'm very upset about it.

I always thought Canada had a great free universal healthcare system, which I think on some level it does. But apparently this is funded in part through cutting costs by encouraging their most underprivileged to end their lives rather than improving their quality of life. I'm not talking about terminally ill patients. They expanded MAID to include those with disabilities, and are soon set to expand it (though thankfully it's been delayed) to both mentally ill people and "mature minors".

I'm not going to back and forth with anyone about whether or not, in theory, this policy could be good if it were applied equitably and with effective safeguards. But that is NOT what is happening in practice (*at least not 100% of the time, exact proportion is difficult to assess, as could be debated what constitutes effective safeguards and/or appropriate circumstances). People with disabilities who are not receiving the care or support necessary for basic quality of life will go to a hospital and be offered as a choice of "care" to simply be euthanized. Meanwhile the government cuts costs and finds MAID subjects in general to be a great source of organ donors.

I'm not really an expert about this but just wanted to call attention to it, these links have more information:

How poverty, not pain, is driving Canadians with disabilities to consider medically-assisted death - National | Globalnews.ca

Quadriplegic Quebec man chooses assisted dying after negligence during a 4-day ER stay leaves horrific bedsore | CBC News

'Disturbing': Experts troubled by Canada’s euthanasia laws | AP News

Who can die? Canada wrestles with euthanasia for the mentally ill (bbc.com)

Assisted suicide in Minnesota? Critics point to Canada as cautionary tale. (startribune.com)

27-Year-Old with Autism and ADHD applies for MAID and her father can't prevent it

Number of assisted deaths jumped more than 30 per cent in 2022, report says | CBC News

About the coming (delayed) expansion of the law:

In Canada, Assisted Death May Soon Be Available for the Mentally Ill - The New York Times (nytimes.com)

Opinion | Canada considers a risky expansion of doctor-assisted euthanasia - The Washington Post

Canada’s assisted dying regime should not be expanded to include children | Opinions | Al Jazeera

Some Motivations (besides autonomy):

Medically assisted deaths could save millions in health care spending: Report | CBC News

Health-care costs in Canada dropped after assisted dying became legal - National | Globalnews.ca

14% of Quebec's organ donors in 2022 were people who chose medically assisted death | CBC News

Who should get your organs? How assisted death raises hard new questions - National | Globalnews.ca

I'll include this more positive one for a balanced perspective, there is some valid discourse about it so I don't want to minimize that:

Slippery Slope Or Wise Demise? The Pros And Cons Of Medically Assisted Dying (forbes.com)

#tw suicide #cw suicide #assisted death #medically assisted death #tw death #tw ableism

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the-alice-of-hearts · 1 year

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Okay, so I just had a post blazed to me about suicide. Well that is kinda what the post is about. The poster is recounting an issue they faced recently and mentioned that they had been searched and found to be in the possession of sodium nitrate which is apparently the new method for these things. They are complaining about the way that they were found out and that their SN was taken away.

I didn’t understand the post at first. Because they only referred to the SN using its abbreviation and referred to assisted suicide as “helping self-checkout”. The whole post left a bad taste in my mouth and I clicked on the comments to see what was going on. Once I saw that SN meant sodium nitrate I realised that “self-checkout” was their way to say suicide.

This was a BLAZED post! They used this way to say these things so that their post could be blazed! And I can only partially blame tumblr for accepting this because it took me a moment to figure out what the hell they were talking about.

But also Tumblr, you have got to have someone checking the content of posts better. Because there is no reason that a post about suicide should be blazed.

#the op also has many many posts saying that therapy is abuse #so like yeah I’m sure they haven’t had a good time in the medical process #but that doesn’t mean that therapy is always abuse nor does it mean they should be spreading things like this with a platform #that allows them to reach untold numbers of people #also I’m not here to debate you on assisted suicide #that’s a moral dilemma that each person needs to decide their own opinion on #I already know mine #Tw suicide mention #Tw suicide #cw suicide mention

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scara-writes · 2 months

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sweetheart

Yandere Emperor X Consort! (F)Reader X Yandere Crown Prince(platonic)

милашка-sweetheart according to google correct me if im wrong!

CW: kidnapped, reader is look down upon by the nobles, infantilize, forced pregnancy, dehumanizing, mentions of attempt suicide, false rumor, power imbalance, worshipping, delusional(?)

NOTE: Crown Prince is at the age of 16(he is your first/oldest son). Reader is around 36-38. Emperor is two year younger than the reader. Also I don't speak russian everything is google (the empire is not based on irl russian empire but a fantasy world like the manhwas/shoujou isekai we read) and english is not my first language you can clearly see when you read the story. This is purely a fiction and I do not mean to offend anyone.

I DO NOT CONDONE ANY ACTION IN THIS FICTION.

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

Running is not ideal for a 5 month pregnant woman like you.

When you tried to seek help from your parents for the first time, they never helped you because who would believe an illegitimate daughter who was frowned upon by nobles.

You are an illegitimate child of the duke and a humble maid who passed away shortly after giving birth, but despite this, you are a physically and mentally healthy child. You even managed to withstand the attempts of your stepmother and your half-sister to discredit you in the family, and didn't even find a help to your neglectful father who busies himself of taking home many women from brothel.

That was in the past but you were desperate when you ask for their assistance. However, you never heard from them ever since you bore your first child, Ize.

Ize your son. Your lovely crown prince son grew up to be like your husband with his teachings. You tried to persuade him to never listen to his father but he only shook his head and told you that all his teaching that he was learning from his old man was to protect you.

Afraid that it will stress you even more in this suffocating high walls to protect you during your pregnancy and well being, Ize-the crown prince would be willing to act like a little kid for you. He would occasionally brew you a cup of tea that you enjoy or give you a handmade gift, such as an embroidered handkerchief, to show you that he was thinking of you and that said skill you taught him when he was a child. Knowing the child, this kind of acts is for him appease the worries you have;he is different behind closed doors of your confined palace where your eyes and ears can't reach; your crown prince son is a different person who will be willing to shed the blood of others just for you.

And it seems that the morals that you taught him must have been thrown out of the window thanks to your husband.

So here you are after escaping from the hundreds gazes of a watchful loyal hounds around your palace you escape, it wasn't easy since you are carrying the emperor's second child. You heard on a passing by servants that the two tyrants had a meeting with the other nobles and the neighboring kingdom, this is a rare occurrence that the two left you alone. It took you an hour to escape the royal grounds before exploring around the town till you found a port that would take you to another country. This is your only chance to escape that suffocating palace that those two tyrants confined you in. Your Husband, Yuri can't leave you alone not when he found out that you are with his child-a second child at that. Even before you were pregnant with his first child, his wary gaze and infantilization to you had multiplied tenfold.

Your husband spread the rumors about you being mentally ill. But why would he do such a thing? You reflected to yourself and it devastate you to realize it was his scheme to prevent you from seeking help from his subjects to escape. Only the royal physician and your husband were aware of this bogus illness. It felt betrayal that he has to make that action so he can confide you more.

Your husband's scheme worked. Even your own son believed the spewing lies coming from his father, and the nobles never gossip about you as if it was a taboo ever since you were married to the emperor. Speaking ill about the emperor's consort was just as good as the reaper visiting you by the second you speak those words. Only praises coming from their filthy mouths were allowed.

No one bats an eye on you, even the servants who serves under you. They will bathe you, serve you food, refreshments, but none of them will engage or start a conversation with you. When someone last made an effort to assist your escape, a kind servant at that. The lowest mining pit, which is worse than death, The emperor bestowed upon them to be sent the servant's family, including the said servant. High ranked criminals labour in a pit there for 18 hours with a maximum 4 hour break the rest of the hour are for necessities like sleeping, with much less food and income. In short, a death torture for them.

You implore your husband to kill them rather than send them there, the only thing he said to you that it wasn't your fault they were sent there. Something along the lines of—"you were acting like this because of your condition. That servant was attempting to kill you." He told you that in front of other servants. Everyone compliments his action for 'protecting' you. His cunning red eyes looks at you that none of the servants and nobles noticed but you did. It was a warning for you to behave or he will do worse.

Yuri has never harmed you, physically. but he will harm others who want to separate you from him.

The only time you regret your decision is when you met Yuri—he was about to meet his demise by the hands of his brothers if it weren't for you stumbling to see him in the middle of the night on an alleyway of the tsvetok village struggling to breathe from the deep pools of his own blood. So you drag his half dead body into your abandoned chamber—which is rarely visited by servants—that your father bestowed for you when you were born. Aiding his deep wounds, helping him heal up, befriending him, falling in love—

You purse your lips and gave a small wince feeling your belly is starting to ache, the kick from your unborn child thumps under your long dress.

My child please, Now is not the time! you gently brush your belly soothingly before leaning on the lamp post that dimly lit the night. You sigh in relief when you felt the baby inside of you cease on kicking. Although you were a little further from the palace when you looked behind you, you still needed to move quickly. Right now, you assume that Yuri or a servant that was suppose to serve you had definitely find out that you were gone this afternoon and notify the knights and some of high ranking mage to find you immediately, but the sun had already been sunk by the evening. They must have been having a hard time finding you. A little more 18 minute walk and you'll be able to ride on the ship that will help you travel to another empire, or any nation.

"ort---s--ing!" you turn to your left to look one of the vendors of the nights were gossiping. A woman with her husband was panting, assuming he was running to deliver a news to his family. His cloth headband on his raggedy hair is soaking. He took a deep breath before repeating what he said earlier. A dread of fear rise from your throat as he uttered his next words,

"The Emperor's Consort is missing! The Emperor's knights are blocking all way out!"

You heart felt like dropping when you saw a nearby knight were looking one by one at the women nearby, specifically women who are similarly pregnant like you. Speaking of the devil, they are already here!

Knights in horses, mages running around the busy street. Some of them stopping women who has similar hair color as you to assess if they found the right person.

"Oh my! I'm hoping the consort is doing okay! She must have acted such way due to her failing mental state. The emperor must have been worried sick, I can't imagine the devastion look of the emperor especially their son!" said the woman to her husband.

You hid your hair with your cape and quickly blend in with the busy road of the night town. Muttering, "excuse me!", "Apologize!" As you force your way around the crowd. One arm around your belly to protect child, while your hand went to sling your bag with clothes and some gold coins. as you bump so many people on the crowd. You look edges of the town, at the gate, to see all the possible exits were starting to get block by the imperials knights and mages. You bit your lips frustration as you felt the hope of getting your freedom back is slipping away from your grasp.

Your plan of getting to the port has been discarded after seeing a two mage and three knights were on their way there. Even if you did go in town's gate the gatekeepers will inspect people who are exiting and entering.

But...

You look at the old man who was riding a donkey with his carriage towards to exit of the gate, fruits were laying under the cloth. An Idea quickly pop your head but you are desperate to leave this suffocating country so you have no choice but to execute it.

Your silent foot falls went behind on a slow moving carriage before climbing up silently and quickly, in your haste and desperation movement, you didn't feel as though you had torn your cape at the wooden edge of the carriage before taking the fabric that was covering the fruits that keeps them from dust and dirt. You carried a handful of fruits before slowly sitting down beside it then covering yourself with the said fabric and the remaining fruit fast enough before the knights from the gate of this region would notice you. You wince when one of the fruit hit your belly but not enough to endanger the baby.

"Have you seen this lady?" A man in his mid 60s look at the paper, he squint his eyes as he held his old lightly crack glasses to take a better look. Your (e/c) eyes look at the gapping hole of the carriage and gulp fearfully when you saw your portrait on the paper holding by the imperial knight.

"O-oh...sa-aw her!" you held your breath when the old man spoke. The two knights look at each other before listening to the next word of what the old man would say.

He lick his dry lips before continuing, his voice's struggling due to his old age, "If I-Im..not mistake-en the lady in the p-picture look like the lady I saw by the lampost o..on the rozahk street!"

You exhaled in relief since you mistakenly believed that the elderly man had just seen you, but he actually noticed you five minutes' walk from the gate to roza street. However, this would also let them know that you are actually close by.

The imperial knights gave the elderly merchant a nod as they hastily walked around the city, alerting a nearby mage to use a spell to track you. They quickly tell their subordinates for a new command.

You felt the carriage starts to move. Hugging yourself for reassurance especially at your upcoming baby that everything will be okay.

You weren't escaping just for yourself but for your second child that will be born. You don't want your kid to become like their older brother and learn from their father. Ruthless, and doesn't have a compassion to another human. You want your kid to have a brighter future, away from the blood shed. You hope that if you got caught or killed by your husband in the future. You will tell your second child to run away and never look back, when you are gone.

You ignored how uncomfortable it was to sleep in the fruits. You close your eyes and see the farm neighborhood that the carriage passed as well as the slowly dissipating kingdom that was beginning to appear as a dot on the horizon.

The abrupt shake of your ride woken you up. You hear noises outside the carriage and glance through the hole to see that light was creeping through, signaling that it was dawn but sun has yet to come in the horizon. What is happening?. You peek above the cloth seeing that you don't have enough visual on what's happening. A dusty road lay in front of you, and woods surrounded you. You turn around to look behind you and realize that the palace is no longer in sight. A sense of relief that you were indeed far from that prison.

A bunch of voices caught your ears, you turned to look to your right.

Your whole body went pale.

Your son-the crown prince was chatting with each of the roadside merchants who had just exited from their vehicle not far from where you were. The imperial warriors and mages that were conversing with the other sellers the same task as your son was doing just behind him.

You curse yourself, how did they come here to fast?

You need to leave before they notice that you are inside this carriage. Just as you swiftly escape your imprisonment. You carefully stood up, removing the fabric that was covering you and the fruits, ignoring the woozy and aches from your muscle pain for not moving too much from the entire night.

A creak was heard in your vehicle when you tried to climb down. Snapping your eyes back at them, to witness if they heard the mistake you made. To your relief, The prince and the other guards were still busy interrogating.

They didn't hear me..

You reach down and starts to stalk away from them, your hands were trembling. Stepping back to reach the wood just a 5 meters behind you. It didn't matter if you get lost in the woods, as long as they don't catch you.

No, you would rather live in a woods, in a forest where no one can reach you.

As you step forward carefully in to the woods, you didn't notice from your cautious and anxious state that your boots crack a twig, just like the cliché you previously read. The nearest knight snaps his head at the sound. He was perplexed before realizing that the woman from the paper in his hand resembles you.

"Her majes-"

You dash toward the woods. The imperial knights sought to catch up to you, as you heard him behind. You grab a nearby rock and shot it directly to his skull, and it hits him.

You ignored the yelp as he yells your honorific causing the nearby knights hear him and went for his aid, before they realize what he was yelling and starts to chase after you.

You felt the dress that was getting stuck on some of bushes and dried branches, resulting to have your dress to be ripped.

Heartbeat were thumping agressively, adrenaline were rushing around your body. One of your hands went up to your belly protecting it from getting injured despite your legs were now full of scratches and bruises from the twigs, and sharp edges of these woods. You feel your legs ache.

"Mother!" You faintly hear a galloping horses along with your son's voice behind you.

Your mistake was to look behind you while running away. You saw how your son and his guards were starting to gain just to bring you back to that hellhole. Your son Ize was reaching up his hand to take you back, his red orbs were full of concern and anxiousness.

"Mother! It's me,Ize! Please, slow down you will hurt yourself!"he yelled."Mother! Think about my sibling! Your child! Listen to me! Don't let this illness take over you!"

Poor child, he thought all of this nonsense that you are doing was because of your bogus illness.

You were about to stop when you saw a nearby cliff but a trunk made you tripped.

You screamed feeling a misstep when you realized you are falling, instinctively cradling your pregnant belly, protecting it as you roll down from the ground. A piercing scream was heard—from your son. Your head colliding to the three and it felt like your head would split open.

Your eyes were blurry from the impact. Touching your belly if there was injury. Atleast trying to feel your lower part if there was bleeding through your thighs other than your legs.

You look up at the steep cliff to see your son was sliding down, crying out your title as his mother. You saw his red orbs were full of tears as it glides down to his cheeks. The last thing you saw before your vision was consumed by the darkness was his hands reaching up to your head.

You were awoken by the sound of the chirping birds coming from the balcony.

You coughed, feeling the dryness from your throat. You eyes were blurry for a few minutes before clearing to see that you were back to the same imprisonment.

But....

It wasn't the same room you shared with your husband. Are you...even in the palace?

You took your time to assess your surroundings only to realize that the room has similarities of the royalties room that are exiled but it looked renovated, one of your husband's brothers used to live here before taking his own life. You felt grim about the thought of it.

After his brother's passing you heard from one of the maids that he turned it into a vacation palace for royalties.

It was different from the last time you saw it. It was much more cleaner and better. It looked good after it was renovated.

Wait, the baby.

THE BABY!

You eyes quickly gaze down to your belly. Hands quickly feeling around them, you exhale in relief when you felt a small kick from your stomach. You felt your tears at the edge of your eyes. It was a miracle that the heavens hadn't take your unborn child away.

I'm sorry baby...

They would have died from the stupidity you'd done!

You laid down to your right side of the bed and cradle in your stomach muttering a soft apologies and starts fluttering your eyes to go back to sleep.

But somethings not right. You felt like a pair of eyes watching you, looking at you.

Observing you.

You opened your eyes and look up only to see your pair of red eyes staring down at you.

Your husband, the emperor sitting on a wingback couch, his face resting at his hand while the elbow is resting at the arm of the couch beside him is a kettle with a cup that rest on top of the bedside table.

You feel your body tense up, you tried to get up and turn to look at your husband.

"Y-your majesty." You called but it sounded like a whisper. You don't know what he will do to you. Sure, he never hurt you physically but this is the first time you'd gotten far away from the place he imprison you in.

You gulped, will he hurt you this time?

"I-I'm... I.." you cannot come up a word,an excuse, what if he gets sick of you? What would happen to your child?

You felt your breath shorten. Tears are starting to swell up in your cheeks.

A rough hand brush on your cheeks before cupping it. You found your partner is already beside you on the bed.

He didn't speak he just let you weep as he brush away your tears. You stammer your words wanting to apologize. The emperor handed you a cup of water and you took it quenching the thirst from your larynx.

Once you drank it all, you hiccup trying to stop your tears from coming out. You felt his hands caressing your belly. "H-husband.."you gulped.

"hush,милашка."he commanded and you held your tongue and closed your eyes when he leans on your cheeks before engulfing you with his arms around you. You felt suffocating around him like a snake coiling around your body.

You feel tensed as he starts peppering kisses on your shoulders and neck before resting his lips to your earlobes, you shudder when he kissed it.

His right hand from your waist slid up under your loose sleeve before sliding it down, your emperor leaned down giving your shoulder a hickey. You whimpered trying to push him away but he hadn't budge an inch. Once he was satisfied he let your skin go with a pop before looking at the red mark he left.

The same hand went to brush your hair, tuck it behind your ear before leaning his forehead against yours. His red eyes held adoration, affection, but most of all obsession.

"милашка." He muttered closing his eyes sighing, he brush his lips against yours before deepening it.

He kept calling you, held you in his arms gently. The same arms that has full of blood that slay so many heads to get to the top of this food chain.

He laid you down before kissing every finger tips of yours and then clasping it with his rough hands as he called for you.

"милашка...."

".... my милашка..."

He pressed one kiss on your collarbone. "None of this is your fault..." He told you.

"... This illness will be the death of you."

Your heart broke for him. He really delude himself that everything you did to get away from him was because of your 'illness'.

"... Everything will be fine, darling. I will take care of you." He dampened his lips one last time onto your lips before leaving you in your new confinement.

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