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punkscowardschampions · 1 year

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Janis & Jimmy Pt.2

Janis: [right, against any better judgment we have to show up because we do care about you and we need you to know that we meant we’d be more there for you, never mind all the stuff you said about being SURE you’d wanna kiss him lollollol it’s FINE]

Jimmy: [if it doesn’t happen I’ll be more surprised than if it does because you can’t tell me the whole him wanting to die and her thinking he was gonna do it doesn’t give the same energy as thinking Casey is gonna go to prison and look what happened then, but ANYWAY, he’ll have made her a cup of tea and her fave sandwich so at least give her that first]

Janis: [MHMM, it’s the exact same scenario, essentially, our emotions are as out of control, hence it’s v amusing to me you went to the shop to get him the biscuits you promised, ‘cos what a casual daze you’re in, excuse us clients, excuse us world, give him these like it’s a trade]

Jimmy: [open them and eat one even though you’ve clearly never been less hungry in your life than you are rn because the floodgates have been opened on how he actually feels for the first time since the catatonic era, like he’s literally just spent this entire month disassociated because can’t tell Bobby the tea, but now you can’t put it back in the box because you’ve acknowledged it, nbd, such fun, we also won’t talk about the elephant in the room that is Libi’s wrapped gift on the table ready for her to take because despite what he said about taking her out and he does want to, he thinks he will let her down and not be able to do it so]

Janis: [likewise giving this sandwich a ridiculous amount of concentration and attention, because the herd of elephants in the room that we do need to address and intend to because never trying to give the message of you shouldn’t have said that, done that, when we know damn well how he’s been coping because of course and we would ALWAYS rather he was here and honest and real than just hanging on and not dealing with anything; obviously we keep sneaking peeps at you and then have to do a little laugh like for fuck’s sake because what else can we ‘how are you, then?’ like really, and since we talked and now I’m here]

Jimmy: [gonna say he looks up at her too just before the laugh so he can join in with it like what are we like, just because I can and it’s real, soz not soz ‘What kind of question is that?’ again but with a lot more feeling than it suggests because he’s feeling all the things obvs, quiet af but he’s not looked away so ‘I-’ of course he’s not finishing that sentence, when does he ever]

Janis: [sorry we would be 😁 at you laughing, we just would ‘you’ as if its an answer to his I, like yeah, you’re here ‘I’ve missed you’ also still maintaining eye contact and being quiet about it all because sincerity is scary but we have missed having you in our life]

Jimmy: [the lil smile he can’t help but do at her 😁 is UPSETTING me because it’s tiny and weak but it is there, if only for that brief moment before they are then speaking ‘you’ because she’s here and we’re not okay about it in any way whatsoever, he has too many feelings right here and right now ‘I can’t stop’ because you can’t tell me he hasn’t missed her every second of every day, he just has]

Janis: [making a tiny noise that I can only describe as a !! one when he smiles because you are literally that overwhelmed that there’s no other response/nor the ability to stop yourself making that one, I imagine you’ve sat on separate sofas to give that space at first but we’re sliding our sandwich across the coffee table and moving to sit on yours, even if with the middle seat between y’all ‘you can’ as in like, let’s be around each other, at least more than not seeing each other in a month]

Jimmy: [for me it’s how LOADED his ‘can I?’ is because the way he’s looking at her and then literally reaching out to do the ? of it on her skin with his fingertip, a typical Jimothy move, let’s say on her arm or the back of her hand if she doesn’t have the bare skin otherwise because it needs to be]

Janis: [the way we’re shuddering at this contact is so dramatic but so real, using it to your advantage to nod like that’s all you were doing there, not losing it, reflexively grabbing his hand so now you’re just holding hands]

Jimmy: [looking at their hands for the kind of second that feels like it has lasted forever because of how !! you both are before he’s then using their joined hands to pull her across the gap so they are sitting next to each other and v close, so gently but it’s really dramatic because it’s him and he’s doing something]

Janis: [just nudging your way under his arm with your head, putting one arm over him around his waist and looking up like IS THIS OKAY because we don’t want to make the wrong move that sends you running away from us, draw your own ? on his hand too, just to be doubly sure here, not like our hands are shaking or anything]

Jimmy: [we ALL know that his breathing is as shaky as her hands are and that when she looks up at him he’s looking at her lips because of how badly he wants to kiss her in that way peeps aren’t even aware they are doing, and likewise licking his own chapped af depression lips in the same involuntary manner, all of that in the space of a few seconds but it’s so much I can’t cope actually, rubbing his thumb over her ? like he’s crossing it out because it is okay, that’s blatant]

Janis: [carefully picking up his hand and kissing the tip of that thumb so gently that you’re, again, trembling from the restraint and all the emotions that you’re barely holding back, using your own thumb to rub the saliva across his lips like its vaseline ‘the tea’ croaking because you’ve been barely breathing here, never mind talking, like you’re parched because the only non-emotional thing your brain could grab onto there, obviously]

Jimmy: [sis, a tear will be rolling down his cheek for the same reasons of restraint and overwhelming emotions, but the kind you don’t even notice because we’re too in this moment and hyper aware of everything each other is doing, and then his own tiny and almost silent but very much not in this proximity !! noise when she touches his lips like that, obvs, before he’s then picking up a mug, it doesn’t matter whose as long as it’s closest, we aren’t looking or caring and bringing it to her lips, v carefully and lovingly]

Janis: [not you essentially moaning his name because he’s crying and there’s no other way that ‘Jimmy’ you do involuntarily was going to sound right now, just picking this tear up with our thumb to rub that on your lips too like this is a helpful thing to do and not just something you simply must do; our !! EYE CONTACT over this mug as we’re taking sips because your mouth is open of its own accord so you have to or drown here]

Jimmy: [I simply can’t stop him from putting this mug down with purpose and kissing her and I shall not, we can’t talk about the intensity of it or I will die though, like there is nothing soft about this, it’s as close to hard as he’ll ever get because do feel like we’re drowning tbh and he is pulling her closer to him at the same time because won’t be satisfied unless their bodies are literally merged together]

Janis: [thank the lord its lunch time because the noises that we’re making because we cannot be any more overwhelmed in this instant, kissing him back with the matched intensity we don’t need to try for, holding either side of his face like you can’t let him move away]

Jimmy: [mhmm, so glad Bobby can’t walk in on this because likewise, he’s reacting like his old self in a way that he wouldn’t have for so long, including the creation of baby Jac in that because we all know that wasn’t this vibe, and I cannot express how that makes me feel, it cannot be overstated that he’s kissing her like his life depends on it because in this moment it does and he can’t and won’t stop kissing her even to take a breath because he’s too scared if he does it’ll break whatever spell there is over this moment that’s letting him feel things]

Janis: [we’re just here repeatedly pulling you into us as if there’s any way to be closer, pushing against you every time we do, dragging your tongue into our mouth and sucking it like that’s how you’re getting any oxygen as opposed to also killing yourself with this kiss]

Jimmy: [hard same, there’s no way to get closer but that’ll never stop him trying, simply gotta cling to her for dear life in a way that would genuinely start to hurt after a while because it’s so tight and he will not let go, moaning her name the way she did his except not at all because it’s into her mouth and so !!]

Janis: [when you could not be more about it and that’s very obvious, wrapping our own legs around you in a hold that we will not break ‘again’ into his mouth too]

Jimmy: [he couldn’t be more about it either and how obvious that would be would lowkey shock him because clearly has not been turned on by anything in such a long time, and to this degree, who knows when, hence when he does do it again it’s even more !!! than before]

Janis: [will be dryhumping you there’s 0 chance we aren’t, when I just know that you can feel how wet she is through her leggings too, repeating his name a bunch of times as if not to be outdone here]

Jimmy: [as if not to be outdone, really going for it dryhumping her back, no notes, other to add that he’s gonna say ‘you’re so’ with all the feeling ever, basically as a moan, for all the things it can and does mean]

Janis: [‘you’ because we can’t deal with how you feel and how that’s making us feel everything right now ‘I’ve been ready for you since [a point in your text convo when you were talking about first kissing him]’]

Jimmy: [‘you’ because always, but the only response to the rest of what she’s said is to try and remove her leggings which is impossible because y’all won’t let there be a mm of space between you even at this moment and he also won’t stop kissing her really dramatically either]

Janis: [trying your best to help but that leads you to just grinding on him even more and distracting you nearly as much as the kisses ‘like this’ into one kiss like we can do it like this]

Jimmy: [the sounds he is making rn, iconic, not at all mad that these clothes are still exactly where they were, simply can’t be]

Janis: [we’re so heart eyes about it ‘tell me how it feels’ as if his noises are coherent and you understand completely]

Jimmy: [keep on making them, boy, nothing in the world could stop you rn + another ‘I-’ for the totally opposite vibe to the one you did earlier, just because]

Janis: [‘you’ being SO out of control and loud because you are DYING, pulling him down again in an effort to get him closer, using his hair to do so]

Jimmy: [‘you’ back in a way that’s again as if not to be outdone but really he’s just likewise DYING ‘I need-’ but as if that’s a full sentence with all those words together because it is]

Janis: [‘I’m here’ as you’re making your own frantic attempts to undress with no success because you’re being squashed and suffocated and aren’t trying to fight that]

Jimmy: [my brain here like if you were more like your brother sir you’d have already ripped them, RUDE, we can leave it out with the comparisons rn thank you ‘stay’ like she’s trying to go anywhere remotely atm but you know]

Janis: [I had the exact same thought, only reason we have not are all the obvious like should not be here doing this so let’s not have that dead giveaway, these kisses are getting messier and needier by the second meanwhile, just here making little whimpering sounds]

Jimmy: [I said no talk of comparisons but here we are because here he is throwing out a ‘baby’ in response cos I’m soz but he started it, yes as a fake dating pisstake but then sincerely, absolutely KILLING me because it’s the same word but you know damn well he’d be saying it different to how Casey says it so it’s almost not]

Janis: [🥺 before our eyes are rolling to the back of our head here ‘you- say you want me to cum in your lap’ as a only just coherent sentence]

Jimmy: [not him actually saying it but every word feels like its own sentence because of how punctuated it is with kisses and everything else]

Janis: [you know we’re going to because everything about that has us shaking anew in a way that goes through our whole body like a shockwave]

Jimmy: [‘where do you want us to?’ don’t ask me how that’s a full sentence because god knows it isn’t a coherent one with how close he also is to actually fully losing it]

Janis: [just using the last of your energy to wriggle your way down to his crotch because ‘my pretty face’ obviously]

Jimmy: [you gotta do it, of course you have, really hope your work trousers aren’t fiddly af to undo because not the time or the place for faff, he’s about to die]

Janis: [doing our best to help you like we aren’t an absolute mess because of how dead we are and how badly we want it, not closing our eyes but definitely sticking our tongue out as far as we can]

Jimmy: [normally he would be the exact sort of boy to close them for her so she doesn’t have to go back to work with an eye patch but he’s too feral rn and he can’t come to the phone, emotions and horniness levels are too high]

Janis: [just getting closer to him so he can feel your breath and probably a little bit of spit from holding this position and generally being feral]

Jimmy: [that’ll send him because you know 1. He wants her close af and 2. He can probably also feel some of her hair tickling him and these boys are both obsessed by it so, will just be playing with said hair while this occurs nbd]

Janis: [just here dying anew at your reaction and having your hands in our hair again, just resting one side of our face against your thigh, looking up at you so !!]

Jimmy: [he will start crying when he’s done, more than the one tear from earlier but not like sobbing obvs, but not because he’s sad only because it is so !! and overwhelming, and the difference would be obvious so it’s not like oh no oh no]

Janis: [start hugging his leg before working your way up to his torso so you can full body hug him and be squeezing him as tight as you can whilst still feeling so weak from the intensity of what just happened]

Jimmy: [likewise can blatantly barely hug her back compared to how tightly he was clinging to her before because y’all’s energy has been totally zapped by that, but needing and trying to nevertheless, take a sec to just hug it out lads]

Janis: [you both need to take this moment here, letting out a GIANT breath like you haven’t breathed out in forever because lowkey and definitely how it feels, doing a shaky lil laugh not dissimilar to the laugh you did when you first got here]

Jimmy: [have this moment and stop crying because it’ll turn into a lil laugh too, which I LOVE for you, before you hand her the same mug from earlier, even though the tea is probably cold, just so you can both calm down]

Janis: [drink this cold tea nevertheless because you do need to calm down, squeezing the hand he uses to pass this mug to you though with another smile]

Jimmy: [squeezing hers as he takes the mug from her to have his own sip because who are they if they don’t pass it between them, it’s just what they do, soz not soz that other mug has been forgotten utterly for the moment]

Janis: [my boo says RIP to that mug, so unloved lol, we are looking at this mug we’re passing with such fondness because y’all haven’t smoked for a long time so it’s been forever since those times]

Jimmy: [he wouldn’t have either despite the blatant temptation to take it back up in the the past month, and the same goes for a bottle, y’all aren’t drinking like when you were troubled teens, so he’s thinking the exact same thing and how nice it is, because rather that than try and verbalise how that hookup felt like a goodbye in the very definition of breakup sex, not even in a hearbreaking way just like oh we did that because we needed the closure and now what]

Janis: [the now what is what we are struggling with but it doesn’t feel as scary and as dire as it did and that can only be a good thing ‘you cared, a bit’ doing the 🤏 at him because nearly did not come when you were saying that but we know better hun lol]

Jimmy: [mhmm, neither of them are remotely ready to address next steps or any sort of actual goodbye, that was just me running my mouth about how I felt, like, see what you did there and which trope we decided to hit lol, he’s just still mindblown, don’t mind him, doing a nod]

Janis: [doing a feelsy lean like yeah, I know and I’m glad you do ‘thing is-’ starting but then stopping ‘cos what you’re thinking of saying is true but also risky territory and you aren’t sure, taking another sip of your tea, still leaning on him]

Jimmy: [leaning too and waiting because he’s nothing if not patient in a pause, he’d be a giant hypocrite if he wasn’t, all the ones he leaves]

Janis: [try again hun ‘if we’d done it right, we’d have done that before-’ not finishing the sentence still but the before is fairly obvious for all the befores it could be and is, before she got with Casey, before you got to the bad place y’all did, etc ‘not as an excuse or nothing’ because we’re not like and thus I’ve done nothing wrong lol lol but that is how we feel, looking up like does that make sense to you too or nah]

Jimmy: [another nod because I firmly believe it does make sense to him even if he doesn’t have the means to verbalise how he feels rn]

Janis: [‘I’ll always love you, nothing can change that and I wanna see you happy not just for my own sake but so you are happy’ slight case of word vomit here to be the opposite but the emotions are still running high and the floodgate has really been opened now ‘but I wanna see you still even if you’re not, just be in your life, no conditions on it, whether you want the baby or not, just-’ me like shh girl, this is overwhelming and you’re definitely doing some crying but not dramatically just as we’re speaking]

Jimmy: [he’ll definitely also be crying with the same energy because we know she sets him off with that as well ‘I have to get better before-’ stopping on the same word literally as she did but it’s okay because it’s obvious he means before he can think about the baby or being happy or any of that]

Janis: [your turn to nod because we not only understand but agree ‘it’s an end goal, we’ll work our way back’ like we don’t know the first steps but we know that that’s what we need and want so we’ll get there by trial and error]

Jimmy: [‘when I said it last time that were only to stop you going’ because we all remember the BAD times when he was like I’ll sort my head out/take pills etc etc but then she said she loved Casey and they both shut down ‘I’ve gotta not just say it’ with a shrug that means somehow because he’s well aware he has a long way to go here]

Janis: [as painful as it still is to think about those moments, we do know that, even if it stings, so another nod ‘it’s one shitty meeting after another, I think’ with the pointed eye contact that means and I’ll come with you to those appointments too, if you need, just like the Bobby ones]

Jimmy: [‘cheery thoughts, eh?’ by which we mean all of them, the reminders and the looming prospect of therapy or whatever, with a playful but feelsy nudge ‘least they might chuck us a family discount’ not even bants we’re genuinely also acknowledging that we all need it, every single one of these boys ‘reckon by that kid’s, what, 21st, be the picture of head health, me’ with a nod to her stomach, shoutout baby Jac, bants about how much therapy he needs but where’s the lie, thanks Ian]

Janis: [‘be why you married me’ like I’m such a moody nag bants but honestly the traumas a bit too real on that one so we’re swiftly moving on ‘us an’ all’ because it would be the height of hypocritical to act like you and your family doesn’t have issues when we all know that is a big fat lie and we’ve always said as much just not really done much about it but strived to do our own thing, letting this me too speak to both other parts of what he said, like we all need to do better, you’re truly not alone in it because he ain’t]

Jimmy: [getting up to put the previously forgotten mug in the microwave so they can share a hot tea between them instead of just a cold one, grabbing a biscuit for the road in that cheeky that’s actually why I married you, you bringing me these kind of way]

Janis: [‘golddigger’ as we’re also stealing some of your biscuit because we heard you want half and obviously, that is half of all our food and drink ever lol]

Jimmy: [for me it’s the lil lol that follows him out the room to do this task and gives me hope that things will eventually be okay, bring it back through when you have and have your 2nd tea sharing moment]

Janis: [oh we so want it to be but it isn’t feeling like it’s just us that wants it completely now and he wants to be dead, which is such a new feeling because it has essentially felt like that for a long long time and we’re trying not to just sob because we are, essentially and mostly, happy in this moment and that doesn’t exactly sell it lol, compose yourself hun]

Jimmy: [tbf it has been years, since before the wedding, so if she wants to sob, I get it, me too gal ‘I want us to be mates, proper, proper ones’ when this shared tea is almost gone cos we love a comfortable silence, so much more feelsy than that sounds, because he means it like not just us doing our let’s be mates again of old]

Janis: [just doing a proper giant smile at him that is a little teary so you have to rub your eyes and turn away with a lol because you think you look insane ‘well, you know my social calendars pretty wide open’ to somewhat balance how genuinely buzzing we were to hear that ‘reckon I can fit you in’]

Jimmy: [putting his arm around her which could just be in a matey bants way but is genuine comfort in the sense of he looks and feels insane rn too solidarity ‘you know I’ll always love you an’ all’ because she said it before and we need to echo it]

Janis: [just hug him back and have another comfortable silence for a moment ‘can I kiss you when I leave or do I need to break the habit?’ a genuine question even if we tried to make it sound bants at least a little]

Jimmy: [genuinely thinking about it in a way that I appreciate ‘reckon I can fit you in’ cos I have to be bants and copy her but let it be known he’s saying it in SUCH a sincere yeah you can tone]

Janis: [‘tah’ again like you’re all oh you but there isn’t anything eye roll esque in our tone and we’re saying it v quietly with no attempt or intention to move to leave yet]

Jimmy: [looking over at her wrist like he’s checking her invisible watch because I am aware you’re not the boss and will have to go back soon however much you don’t want to, but then picking up her hand and just swinging it gently how he liked to do when they were walking]

Janis: [‘give us a five-minute warning when I have to piss off’ ‘cos we’re not trying to keep you, does sound like you need to kiss him for a full five but we’ll let you live lmao, looking at y’alls hands and then something innocuous in the background catching your eye so you look around like you only just realised where you are, because lowkey, just shaking your head at how distracted and all consumed y’all were like wow]

Jimmy: [‘alright’ as quietly as she said her tah before, and with the first tinge of sadness in his tone because obvs now all consumed by the idea of y’all parting ways and there’s of course a part of him expecting y’all to go a month or longer without seeing or talking to each other again, hence a sad sigh that he also can’t help]

Janis: [‘we could do this more often’ and then BLUSHING SO VIOLENTLY because really does sound like you’re proposing something there ‘I meant, lunch’ still blushing, like why did I say that]

Jimmy: [stroking her cheek v soft and sweetly while at the same time he’s amused af and smirking like lol lol because really does ‘Oi, never said mates with benefits’ could not be more amused, but again I love that for you because it’s more like your old self]

Janis: [just having to push you and have a mini playfight about it because we’re just getting redder ‘oi yourself, I’m not like that’ with your own small smirk because lol, kind of are but also it’s a MESS we’re all in]

Jimmy: [‘know what you’re like’ could be casual af but it’s so not and it’s super feelsy actually, catching her eye and holding that eye contact for everything unspoken that means because it is a mess and as much as he did call her a bit of a slag before he did not mean it ‘and that red well suits you, you’re alright’ like slay gal you’re pulling it off don’t worry ‘it’s a lunch date’]

Janis: [stop brawling him and have this meaningful moment of eye contact because you really don’t feel like you deserve to hear that right now but it is so important to us ‘might’ve been, if I didn’t fall in love with you’ touching his own cheeks briefly on the you, lingering just a little ‘if you can bear to be seen with me’ like there is any audience in this house right now to see your red-cheeked lewk]

Jimmy: [‘I fell in love with you first, dickhead’ as if he’s like oi again and excuse you this is my fault and blame to take but we all know it’s actually true because we all remember that he had a blatant crush and interest in her before fake dating started which is why he picked her so, pushing her hands away playfully as if he’s gonna start another fun brawl ‘and I’d still go off anywhere with you, or nowhere’ with a shrug like that’s casual and doesn’t make me wanna sob]

Janis: [when it’s not casual and you are overcome with the emotion of it all ‘but we have to stay here’ not meaning in this gaff but in this town because he said it before, like I remember]

Jimmy: [a nod because yeah ‘adults now’ doing the 🤏 despite the fact he’s had to behave and thus felt like one since before he even met her but we know what he’s saying, no more chance to be teen runaways ‘only takes the piss about as much’ like UGH but at the same time we’ve got this]

Janis: [doing a purposely pouty grump face about it like I second that UGH but we’re nodding and doing our own sigh like I know though ‘shit job but someones gotta do it’]

Jimmy: [when he automatically starts to lean in to do the pouty lip thing but then is like oh wait I shouldn’t, breaking that tension by looking back down at her imaginary watch with a shrug as if he’s like soz not time for your 5 minute warning yet ‘been there, wore that apron’ shout out to barista boy jimothy, what a time to be alive, like nothing can be as bad as when he had to deal with the flatwhites constantly]

Janis: [straighten yourself up slightly in the way you do when you’ve made a faux pas like oops, but not to the degree that anything is BEYOND awkward or whatever just like let’s pivot from that ‘alright, that job is low down the rankings, definitely’ because we didn’t hate any of our teen jobs that much]

Jimmy: [‘had its moments an’ all’ because we can’t pretend he hated every second of it and we all know why he did not, picking up these mugs to take to the kitchen and generally starting to clean up so they both get more into the mindset of having to leave, or at least that’s his hope anyway]

Janis: [‘and you met your real bestie’ shoutout Pete like there you are and we’ll leave the rest unspoken whilst we’re here plumping the cushions as if anyone in this house now or before is that person, pop off lmao]

Jimmy: [there is nothing I love more than his lasting bromance with Pete, soz not soz, ILY hun, I’m sure you’ve not spoken to him in a while either but I’m also sure you shall reconnect, come back in and sweep biscuit crumbs into your hand from the coffee table and then have a lil moment of not knowing what to do with them because there isn’t a dog any more and that’s weird and sad too, so you’ve gotta just tip them into your mouth like that’s what you intended]

Janis: [‘I was thinking of getting Libi a dog’ after you’ve watched this scene unfold in front of you because when are you not clocking these moments when you know each other that well, doing another move of smoothing down your leggings as you get up because you effectively just shouted that at him, chill out ‘Maybe you could keep it here-’ before adding literally after a single beat ‘nan and grandad will though, I have thought that far ahead’ because if it’s pressure do not feel obliged but if you did it’s kind of a present for you all]

Jimmy: [‘I’d not mind having it here’ blurting that out a lil bit too quickly after she’s suggested it because it’s true, he misses having one and also no offense Bobby but you can’t be his only company, he’s also lonely in this massive house that was a fam house]

Janis: [very excited about this development because now it’s like a doubly good idea and we can definitely go ahead with it, show him however far you’ve got in the choosing process, idk if you’ve found Peaches, probably, as it’s soon, so show him that pretty girl]

Jimmy: [‘another lass’ with a I should’ve known UGH tone but we know he’s only playing and he loved Twix with his whole heart thank you, is clearly loving looking at these pics and stuff though]

Janis: [just get to excitedly nerd over this cute pup because you don’t even need to talk practicalities, Bobby and Libi are old enough to fully look after her so even if Jimmy started badly struggling again he isn’t lumbered with her and the responsibility and company is actually v good anyway so hooray ‘can arrange playdates again, maybe’ ‘cos obviously it would be nice to socialize Chubby and Peaches together, if we can handle it]

Jimmy: [god bless this pup, unlike my poor sweet Chubby she’s actually arriving at the perfect time and will mean that Libi can no longer be exiled from this gaff, deal with it Bobby you toxic king, when he can’t even take the piss about that idea because he likes it too much and that’s written all over his face, doing his own 😁 which we are telling ourselves we can totally style out as a pisstake if needed]

Janis: [mirroring his expression entirely because we’re also feeling it, probably actually talking this over until it’s really time for y’all to go, only noticing because you’re on your phone for these details just like shit ‘I’ll message you, when I go get her, try and do it on the day of if I can, maybe night before’]

Jimmy: [that tracks and is too real, soz realising it’s time means he’s back to a nod but, still, so much progress has been made here I’ll let you off]

Janis: [giving him a hug that’s every bit as tight and crushing as when you got here]

Jimmy: [giving it back obvs, despite the fact he’s also doing everything he can to not start crying again]

Janis: [would be so rude of us to make you cry when you have to go back to work, just repeating the day of Libi’s bday when you’ve got your plans because that is v soon and we can both cling to having that much of a plan now]

Jimmy: [‘take her other present off the table on your way out for if-’ when you don’t wanna say if I spiral and go back on every single thing I’ve said and done and actually shut myself away for another month instead but that’s exactly what you mean, as a question, like please will you]

Janis: [just nodding as many times as you just said the day you’ll likely next see each other like of course ‘just- let me know either way’ like let’s stay in contact even if you can’t do this whole day we’ve planned, I still wanna talk to you more than we have been aka not at all]

Jimmy: [just looking at her like kiss me then because she said she would when she left and she also said she would OG but then he got in there first being all keen]

Janis: [looking at him like you’re suddenly shy and have never done this before, leaning your head in slowly and doing the gentlest kiss ever, a little !! happening when you part your lips to do so]

Jimmy: [when that makes him blush redder than she ever could because he is a white boy, but we’re immediately going in to make it more of a kiss, though with all the softness he did not use earlier]

Janis: [resting your hands on his cheeks like you did earlier when you were holding his head as close to yours as you could, but also being much softer about it]

Jimmy: [instead of pulling her closer, eventually really really gently pushing her back slightly, not enough that it’s dramatic but enough that it makes the point that they’ve gotta stop because y’all do, he has to go]

Janis: [not stopping kissing you immediately but not taking the piss, when you do move your face back, breathlessly hit him with the ‘in a bit’]

Jimmy: [of course saying it back the way she did when he threw it out in the convo earlier, as breathlessly, that goes without saying, adding her name to his though the way he do when he needs to get added !! into it, because not sure when you’re gonna get to say it again and if you do it won’t be a scenario like this so]

Janis: [kissing him again as hard as he did earlier but really, really briefly because okay, we need to go but we had to for the namedrop, now get that present and be on your way girl]

Jimmy: [resist the urge to immediately follow her out the door please even though you also have to be on your way, give it a beat so there isn’t this weird moment outside the gaff, or worse y’all start kissing again and never leave]

Janis: [get in your car and go bitch, because it absolutely could turn into one of those not leaving type of moments and you really cannot]

Jimmy: [we’re putting our foot down, I really like, well like is not the right word when I sobbed but you know, what we did and y’all can’t be derailing it now]

Janis: [we ate though, wouldn’t be sobbing if it wasn’t heartbreaking gold]

Jimmy: [you might as well post it so we can start the jc in it’s own convo, because LORD, there’s no telling where that’ll go]

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house-of-slayterr · 2 years

Text

Inspired by @howl-fantasies reader gets “married to Zsasz.

Maggie’s POV:

I laughed as Jim’s jaw dropped. I had been hanging out at the precinct all day because it was actually a slow day in Gotham. Harvey and Jim just had a bunch of paperwork to do so I offered to keep them company. Leaving for the occasional coffee run and to grab us all lunch. But I came back to see Jim starring at his phone in awe.

“What’s with the face?” Harvey and I said in sync.

“Jinx, you owe me a soda!” I declared.

“How old are you again?”

“A lady never reveals her age.”

Harvey rolled his eyes.

“James, you’re scaring me. What happened?”

“They got married.” He mumbled.

“Huh?” I asked.

“Gordon, Buddy, you aren’t making any sense.”

“Zsasz and his girl. Barbara just texted me.”

*shows picture of ring*

“Holy shit!” Harvey exclaimed. “I can’t believe that bastard got married before I did.”

“Language!” I scolded.

“Please you swear more than he does.” Jim corrected.

“Fuck you Jimothy, no need to be a dick about it.”

He chuckled. I pulled out my phone.

*changes name to Zsasz’s Wifey*

Maggie:

Congrats mi amigo!

Zsasz’s Wifey:

Ugh… I swear I’m going to kill Victor!

Maggie:

Over the newly wed phase I see 🤨

Zsasz’s Wifey:

We aren’t married Damn it, it was tactical decision. You’d understand if you had a partner in crime Little Lamb.

Maggie:

I’d have to be a criminal first… skipping a few step are we? Like you did when you excepted Victors Propsal…

Zsasz’s Wifey:

Carful, you’re taking to a girl who knows 101 ways to kill you. I can track you in 5 seconds flat.

Maggie:

You love me too much 🥰 so if you’re not married does that mean I can have him? 👀

Zsasz’s Wifey:

You wouldn’t fucking dare New Kid! I’ll break your legs.

Maggie:

Sounds like someone in love to me .

Zsasz’s Wifey:

I don’t “love” him, he’s an idiot!

Maggie:

Yeah… but he’s your idiot!

Zsasz’s Wifey:

He’s not mine Damn it!

Maggie:

Fine… then I’m gonna go ask him for coffee right now.

Zsasz’s Wifey:

You don’t even know where he is 🙄

Maggie:

I’m sitting with Jim rn, he could track him for me. All I gotta do is say Victor owes me something and he’ll do it.

Zsasz’s Wifey:

Of course you’re with Jimbo, how predictable.

Maggie:

I am not predictable!

Zsasz’s Wifey:

You’re twirling your hair while Jim is talking to you and you’re pretending we aren’t having a conversation right now.

Maggie:

Are you fucking watching me?

Zsasz’s Wifey:

No, but you just confirmed that is in fact what you’re doing 😏

Maggie:

Fuck you!

Zsasz’s Wifey:

Victor might have objections, so I’m down!

I got out of my seat beside Jim and strutted over to Harvey. Pulling out my camera I hit record and grabbed him by the tie, kissing him feverishly. I then sent the video, before walking back and sitting down in my seat.

Maggie:

Zsasz’s Wifey:

Omg, did you just kiss Harvey Fucking Bullock?

Maggie:

Sorry, too busy being unpredictable to talk, text later 😈

Jim cleared his throat as Harvey starred at me.

“What was that?” Jim asked.

“Nothing, just proving a point to a friend.”

“Not that I’m complaining, but what point would that be Sweetheart?” Harvey asked.

I chuckled at his nickname.

“That I’m not predictable, and that nobody in Gotham owns me. I can do what I want.”

“As long as it’s not illegal of course. Please tell me you haven’t joined the dark side.” Jim warned.

“Of course not, last time I checked, I’m still on the right side of the law. Don’t you have paperwork to finish?”

Jim rolled his eyes. I leaned in and whispered in his ear.

“Don’t be jealous, you’re still my favourite.”

I kissed him on the cheek and he blushed.

“I gotta go, was nice talking to you boys!”

I flipped my hair as I walked away, swaying my hips with purpose. I’d never go as far as Wifey, but maybe causing a little mischief wasn’t so bad.

#gotham oc #gotham city #jim gordan #harvey bullock #victor zsasz #mutuals #dc comics #gotham #dc oc #commissioner gordon

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noitsbecky127 · 2 years

Text

rebecca watches tos: is there in truth no beauty?

man how ugly are the medusans that they drive people insane

or just humans ig, apparently there’s a special visor that’ll protect vulcans

spock looks so stupid with that on I love this fucking show

is the medusan in a fucking box

ooh pretty lady

cute dress she’s wearing there

oh there’s mind-linking going on here? medusans are psychic or???

oh they wanted spock to do some mind-linking? ofc he was never gonna leave his bf

is that kollos? just a lot of flashing lights? how does that drive a person insane

oh the doctor lady’s psychic

ma’am. ma’am you will go insane if you look

oh well she doesn’t look insane

ah learning vulcan stuff means she’s still sane

why are some humans just born telepaths in the future, that doesn’t make sense, what did space do to our brains

idic is infinite diversity in infinite combinations right?

ma’am why do you immediately assume spock is trying to insult you

ok idk if bones is saying that good=beauty so much as he’s saying that working with something ugly enough to LITERALLY DRIVE YOU INSANE might not be a good idea, which is a GOOD POINT

miranda is definitely very pretty

“there’s somebody nearby thinking of murder” well that certainly puts a damper on the evening

scotty’s wearing a fucking kilt I love him

of course she’s vulnerable, she’s a woman written by men in the 60s

what does that guy larry want

sir I don’t think she’s interested in you please leave her alone

ok larry’s jealous of kollos bc miranda cares about him so he’s gonna kill him

“why don’t you try being a woman for a change” oh ffs

larry please do not kill kollos

kollos unleashes his greatest weapon: himself

oh lord now insane marvick’s got control, scotty why

man the perspective in this scene is weird

where’s he taking the enterprise

probably should’ve brought spock with you, neck-pinching larry would be good rn

so seeing miranda calmed him down

ok so the madness doesn’t last, soon enough you just die

and now they’re lost, kollos will probably help them somehow

seeing a medusan casts power word kill on you

spock’s gonna do fusion, can’t wait

kirk’s gonna seduce miranda to engage her mind isn’t he

oh, plants! lovely

she’s spent too long with vulcans if she’s fallen into the emotion repression

what does it matter if kollos is too ugly or too beautiful? you still can’t look at him!

kirk’s still trying for the seduction here

oh no she’s realizing

ohhhh she’s blind! it all makes sense now

oh so that beautiful thing on her dress serves a functional purpose! thought it was just weird awesome space fashion

so she’s the blind woman in love with medusa

ok girl I’m sure your sensor web is great but unless it allows you to know what’s happening outside a starship then it won’t help

oh no she screamed

idk what kollos did to her but it looks like he and spock are doing the thing now

ah so kollos now has some control over spock, no other way you could get that man to smile and laugh

bones looks so disturbed by this

damn kollos is very good at navigating

so medusans are just different on every level from humanoids? they don’t even have bodies the same way? fascinating

spock the visor

SPOCK YOUR VISOR

SPOCK

“spock, are you all right?” DOES HE SOUND ALL RIGHT JIMOTHY

that’s the problem with an insane vulcan: he’s stronger than anyone else on board

not immune to phasers though

that was weird though, spock isn’t the sort to forget something that crucial

sensor web is off

oh god did MIRANDA cause this

please save him miranda

these are some weird flashes

was that a mind meld or what

well whatever it is spock’s looking better

I see Miranda’s been easily forgiven

not much to say about this episode honestly, it was decent though

#star trek liveblog #star trek tos liveblog #tos liveblog #star trek the original series liveblog #star trek the original series #star trek tos #tos #liveblogging #is there in truth no beauty?

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breanime · 4 years

Note

I GOT THE BIGGEST DAMN SMILE ON MY FACE, SWEETS, JEEZ! you spoil us too much with events like this! m gonna put in my three requests now so im outta your hair later: "shut up and dance" for my favorite ot3, "when i was your man" for sirius [extra points n smooches if the he in the song is remus 👀], and "won't say im in love" for willy billy russo! you deserve all the recognition in the world, babs! love you so much!

Psh, you guys deserve all the love--especially with all of the love and support and feedback you provide me with. Doing this for you guys is my pleasure! Also, love that you’re starting us off with OT3! Here we go!

*no gifs, I headcannon Ben Barnes as Sirius and Aaron Taylor Johnson as James, though*

“Just keep your eyes on me,” Sirius said, his grin wide and inviting, “I see you’re holding back…”

“I’m trying to keep myself steady,” James argued, laughing.

“Oh please,” you flung your arm out and offered your hand to James, “Just shut up and dance with me!”

Laughing, James took your hand. You twirled him around and dipped him, kissing his nose as you both laughed. Sirius, not to be left out, grabbed his other arm and pulled James to his chest.

“I know you don’t have anything but those beat up sneaks,” Sirius grinned, “but you’re gonna have to move those feet, love.”

“I’m sorry,” James sassed back, “just because you had expensive dance lessons you’re whole life…”

“We have to practice, James,” you said, spinning around. Sirius held out his hand, and you took it. He spun you into his chest, his arms wrapped around you and James at once. “If we’re going to this wedding, we have to find a way for us to dance together!”

“I told you,” James grumbled, trying and failing to keep the smile off of his face, “I don’t mind taking turns…”

“Well, I do!” Sirius declared.

“Yeah, so do I!” You added. You stepped back, frowning at your boys. “We’ve been together for almost three years now, and people are still calling it a ‘phase’! I’m sick of it, so at Remus’ wedding—the romantic event of the decade, the three of us are going together!”

“Which means we’re gonna sit together,” Sirius added, “eat together, arrive and leave together…and dance together. Isn’t that right, Jimothy?”

“The three of us…” James questioned; an eyebrow raised. “…Together? Are you serious?”

��No,” Sirius answered, “I am.”

You punched him lightly on the arm—you loved the boy, but you could only stand so many ‘I am serious, said Sirius’ jokes. “Shut up,” you said, addressing them both, “and dance with me.”

For the next few hours, you and your boys changed out records and danced together. There was nothing but love and laughter between the three of you, and when you looked at them—Sirius with his bark of a laugh, James with his wild hair and electric eyes—you could feel it in your chest. You loved them more than anything. The three of you—not any combination of two, but all three of you—were born to be together. You were bound: by fate, by love, whatever it was—you were bound to one another. And as you twirled and spun and stomped and jumped, you could feel the love in the air.

After the last song, the three of you collapsed onto the floor, laughing. James was at the bottom of the pile, and you and Sirius crawled into his arms happily.

“Okay, okay,” James said, pressing a kiss to the top of your head, then Sirius’, “you’re right… People need to see this.” He smiled, and you wanted to cry at the happiness in his eyes. “People need to see that we love each other.”

Two weeks later, you walked into Remus’ wedding with the two handsomest men alive on your arm. And peopled stared. They stared as you fed James pigs in a blanket while Sirius had his arm around the back of your chair. They stared as you wiped the boys’ tears when Remus walked down the aisle, and stared some more when they both kissed your tears off of your cheeks. It wasn’t the most pleasant thing, but you didn’t mind it.

Especially when the music started.

You were standing in a circle with some of Remus’ husband’s older relatives, fielding their vague questions with a smile. If they wanted to ask what the three of you were, you would answer. But if they thought you would rise to their polite non-questions…they were dead wrong. You were about to explain to them that, while you did, in fact, live in a spacious home, the three of you shared a bedroom (and a bed), when you felt two hands on your shoulders.

You were turned around; James had one hand on your shoulder, and Sirius had his on the other.

“Shut up,” James grinned, “and dance with us.”

The three of you took to the floor, your feet floating on air. You were wearing a backless dress, and not a second went by without one—or both—of them caressing your bare back as you moved together. You were perfectly in sync, laughing as you twirled around the dance floor. You felt eyes on you, but you could also feel the love. As people watched the three of you together, you could feel a kind of softness go over the crowd, and you knew that they could see what you felt—

—the love.

You, Sirius, and James danced all night long. Remus and his husband interrupted to dance with you all a few times, and you and Lily took the floor, but other than that—you danced with the men you loved.

“You know,” James said, his head on Sirius’ shoulder as Sirius massaged your feet. You had gotten home less than ten minutes prior, and the three of you collapsed on the floor in front of the couch as soon as you walked in the door. “We should have a band at our wedding.”

“Yeah?” You said, eyes closed. “You think so?”

“Yeah,” James nodded, “that way we can dance all night to live music—makes it infinitely better.”

“I’m fine with that,” Sirius said, his hands working miracles on your tired feet, “band, DJ, Remus and Lily with a washboard and water jug… Doesn’t matter,” he grinned, “as long as I can dance with you.”

You opened your eyes, smiling over at both of them. You would dance with them for the rest of your life, and as they continued talking about your wedding, it dawned on you that this wasn’t just a hypothetical situation…

…your boys were planning something.

You listened as they went on and on about music, and themes, and colors and dishes. You pulled your foot from Sirius’ lap, smiling.

“Why don’t you two shut up… and ask me what you’re trying to ask me?”

Grinning, you watched as James and Sirius scrambled up…

…and got down on their knees.

*******************************************************************************************

And so we begin the 2000 followers event! Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it!

#sirius black x reader #james potter x reader #sirius black x reader x james potter #OT3 #breanime's 2000 followers event

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bluemoonbabes · 4 years

Text

Jim Kirk Headcannons

(I imagine these as aos Kirk, but they could probably work for tos too)

(Tarsus IV warning as well as talk of PTSD and depression)

• He may look like his dad, but Jim is 100% his mom

• Jim was sent to Tarsus IV to live with his two aunts (who I - and I don’t know why - imagine to be something along the lines of Carol Danvers and Maria Rambeau). They taught him the ins and outs of aviation and engineering, but with old tech

• On Tarsus IV, Jim and his kids didn’t have access to good weapons so they made their own. Thanks to his grandpa, Jim had experience with a bow and arrow. He was forced to kill three people and never missed a shot

• The citizens of Tarsus IV sent out five distress signals. Only one was received by a transport ship that alerted Starfleet. The others were either intercepted or failed to send. This caused an almost six month delay of rescue from the time of the execution to Starfleet’s arrival

• Jim knows how to speak 17 different languages, some of them being German (because of his mom), Vulcan (because of an old friend on Tarsus), and Sign Language (because there have been situations where he couldn’t talk)

• He learned Swahili just so he properly apologize to Nyota for being such a dick to her. They’ve got a brother, sister relationship now

• When he was younger, Jim got his ears pierced. He still wears earrings every now and again, and will steal some of Nyota’s (and vise versa)

• A lot of people doubt Jim and his skills, especially since he’s so famous within Starfleet (some people even believe he paid his way through), which is why they are shocked when he proves to be an experienced fighter and survivalist, and a damn good pilot and captain

• Had Pike not found him in the bar, Jim probably would have gone on to join the Air Force

• Jim is very supportive of his crew and very protective. They’re the only ones that stayed. His crew knows this and recuperates those feelings just as much

• Jim knows how to do makeup, and if you ask nicely, will let other people do his makeup. First, it started with Galia wanting to practice new looks on him, then Nyota found them in Jim’s quarters as she was looking for Galia and made adjustments to “match Kirk’s "coloring"”, and now they’ll sometimes tag-team him a look for big events

• When there’s a lot to be done, Jim will help where he can in engineering

• Some of his nicknames are JT, Jimmy, Jammy (drunk Bones), Big Cat (Sulu called him that once to try and calm him down. Now it’s just a thing the Enterprise’s command division calls him), Kock/Jock (drunk Scotty talking about Jim and Spock), Jerry (error in a name list), and Jimothy

• He’s almost a motherly figure to the younger members of his crew, including Chekov

• Jim and Sulu spar together. It started when Sulu found Jim in the gym early morning, angrily beating the shit out of a punching bag (cause of a nightmare). After he calmed down a bit and Sulu had stretched, Sulu offered to spar. They’re keeping tract now of who’s won, and some of the security officers will place bets

• Uhura, Bones, and some of the other higher officers place bets on Jim and Spock’s chess matches

• Bones, Scotty, and Jim have ritual get together nights where they get drunk as fuck

• Jim is actually pretty good at giving advise, something that a lot of people find shocking

• The senior crew have learned Jim’s brashness and playboy act is all a facade, and that he’s just a scared and scarred man. They get annoyed/angry when people insult him for it or try to make him seem like a terrible person

• Jim has depression and PTSD. He can’t eat really chewy or gamy meat, nor really earthy, dirty plants. Natural, overgrown ponds set him off because on Tarsus they were used as mass graves. Fireworks, gunshots, and other similar noises are a big no-no because they used bullet guns on Tarsus, and grandes were used to destroy buildings that Kodos thought held stowaways. Out of all his symptoms, Jim’s nightmares are the worst. When his PTSD is really bad he’ll see a few illusions, most commonly auditory or smell. His crew have learn what’s triggering for him and how he acts, so when he’s having bad days they keep track of him and make sure that he’s taken care of. The senior crew will take turns talking to him in the observation deck which is usually where he goes after a nightmare, illusion, or some sort of attack

• Jim is big soft with his crew and only his crew

Bonus

• George as two older siblings - a sister (who I imagine to be like Carol Danvers) and a brother. They come from a family that likes to use practically ancient tech

• George took Winona’s name when they got married

• Winona was born in and grew up in Germany

(Feel free to add more!)

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haazeycoffee-archive · 5 years

Text

A "Hot" Kiss - Short .:Friendlypack Fic:.

"And thank you again, sir, for allowing me to deliver you the freshest water in all of Los Santos, with a maximum of only 10% lead per bottle! Feel free to call back anytime you need Stan the Water man's top notch wat-".

"Yeah yeah, thanks. Whatever".

Stan was quickly interrupted by his customer, who had just slammed the door in his face. The blond-haired delivery man just mumbled out a simple "huh", before walking back over to his delivery scooter and getting on "Maybe I...talk too much? hmm.." just as he was about to drive away, his phone started to ring.

huh... who could that be?

Kiki, Reggie, and Anna were all busy doing another big photoshoot, which, according to Kiki, was hobo-exclusive this time, so Stan couldn't go. Garrett was taking a day off form work to party with his friends, which included Alan. Brenda was busy with work, and so was Jimmy, who was selling oxy.

A sudden nasty feeling gripped Stan's heart when he looked at his phone and saw his new boyfriend's number. He and Jimmy had just gotten together the week prior, and for some reason, Stan started to worry about him more often. Maybe it was because of all these new feelings? Stan, and Jimmy for that matter, had just came out as bisexual a week ego, so these last few days have been pretty emotional.

"Hey there, Jimmy! Everything alri-".

"ST-...AH AH STAN!".

Getting interrupted yet again, Stan was taken aback by Jimmy's vigorous breathing; it sounded like he just ran a marathon!

"Jimmy? W-What's wrong? Why are you so out of breath?".

"STAN, I-I'M AT YOUR APARTMENT. I-I NEED YOU".

Stan's expression changed from concerned to absolutely confused "Wha- ...why-".

"J-JUST GET OVER HERE, PLEASE!" Jimmy begged before violently coughing into the phone.

"O-Okay okay! I'll be right over!".

-----

After finally making it back to his apartment building, Stan parked his scooter and hurried to the stairs, running past Vincent in the process, who was trying to get his attention "CAN'T TALK NOW, VINNIE! JIMMY'S IN TROUBLE! I'LL TEXT YA LATER".

Stan was already in his apartment by the time Vincent responded, so he didn't get to hear what the ShamWow guy had said, but he was too focused on Jimmy anyway.

"Jimothy?" Stan muttered as he stepped into the kitchen "J-JIMMY!".

To Stan's shock, the younger man was sitting on the ground leaned against the counter. He was also shaking, and was sweating terribly. His sunglasses were sitting on the counter, so Stan could clearly see that Jimmy's face and eyes were super red. Wait, ...was he crying? Was he high? And why was he panting so hard?

"STAN!" Jimmy jolted himself up to his feet and tightly hugged his water-obsessed boyfriend, before quickly pulling away.

"Jesus, Jimmy! What the hell happened?" He gasped "D-Did you overdose?!".

Jimmy sighed in aggravation "S-Stan, if I overdosed, I'd be fuckin' dead on the floor! N-No I didn't fuckin' overdose!".

"WELL SORRY FOR ONLY BEING WATER-SAVVY! What's wrong with you then?!"

"O-Okay, s-so, I-I was....I was out selling oxy, ...l-like normal, right? A-And... and the guys that robbed us at the bank, ..uh-uh b-bird, clown, bear? Th-They wanted some oxy, s-so I was more than glad to sell it to them, y-ya'know, b-because I thought if I ..d-did-didn't, they'd kill me. So I give them the oxy, a-and instead of paying me with money, they gave me a plastic zip-bag of-of peppers. I-I knew they'd probably shank me if I said no, s-so I just took the peppers and left".

Stan crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow "Okay...".

"So, I decided to take a little, ..o-oh Jesus Chri-" Another harsh cough interrupted him, and he bent over a little, placing his hands on his knees to cough more easily "EHCK, eh.. I-I sat down on a bench t-to take a little break, a-and I ate some of the peppers". He straightened himself up and wiped the sweat from his forehead "I ate three......a-and it tur-t-turns out they were ghost peppers".

"Ghost peppers?! Those SUPER hot peppers that'll burn your mouth?!".

"yES!!!" Jimmy replied with another cough, making his voice hoarse.

"Well did you drink any water? I have plenty here!".

"DAMMIT STAN, WATER DOESN'T DO SHIT WITH STUFF LIKE THIS!! …..B-But....y-yeah, ….I drank the rest of the water in your apartment...".

"WHAT? If you knew it wasn't going to work, why'd you do it?".

"MY MOUTH IS ON FIRE, STANIEL! I PANICKED, OKAY? Y-You seriously don't have any milk?!".

Stan gave a typical glare "You know I don't believe in that crap!!".

Jimmy let out a groan of pain and frustration as he stressfully rubbed his face and pulled at his dark-teal hair with his fists "C-Could you drive me to the store s-so we can buy some milk?".

"No way! No boyfriend of mine is drinking that tainted liquid!".

"STAN, PLEASE" Jimmy begged desperately "I-I'LL PAY FOR IT! I-I just need it, please!!".

Stan sighed "Alright alright, c'mon you big baby. Let's go".

-----

"Apologize, you big a-hole! Jimmy is in a butt-load of pain and you just scolded him like a fudging jerk! Sure, milk is terrible for you, b-but if it's the only thing that'll help Jimmy, then it's fine in SOME circumstances. You love Jimmy, but he doesn't know that because you yelled at him like a big meanie!" Stan scolded himself in his thoughts as he drove to the convenience store with Jimmy in the passenger seat, who was still sweating and panting.

As they stopped at a red light, Jimmy leaned back in his seat and dramatically pressed his palms into his face "A RED LIGHT?! COME ONNNNNN! I'M DYING HERE!".

As the teal-haired man groaned, Stan worked up the courage to apologize to him "H-Hey Jimmy?".

Jimmy sighed and turned his head "Yeah, Sta-Stan?".

"I'm sorry for yelling at you back there. Water is more perfect than anything, but...it doesn't work for every situation, so... I'm sorry for being such a jerk.".

"It's okay, Stan... I-I'm sorry for yelling too...".

"A-And besides, ...water is perfect, …b-b-ut...there's two things I cherish in life more than water: my sweet baby boy Roy, ..and you".

Just for a moment, the pain from the peppers subsided, and Jimmy's heart swelled. He couldn't help but smile from ear to ear.

Stan awkwardly shuffled his hands, which were sitting on the steering wheel "U-Uhmm… heh, ...uh..." a faint shade of pink painted his face "U-Uh, me...kiss you....?".

Jimmy laughed, remembering how awful Stan was at flirting "Yes, Sunflower. Me kiss you".

Stan smiled widely and leaned closer to his beloved boyfriend, with Jimmy doing much of the same. Their lips pressed together, and as their eyes closed to enjoy the moment, Jimmy gently placed his hand on the back of Stan's head.

Sure, these two got into their fair share of fights, but they loved each other more than anything, and moments like these were always super affectionate and romantic. Warmth filled their hearts as they kissed.

After a good while of sharing sweet smooches, the two men backed away. Jimmy was still dying of the ghost peppers' unforgiving heat, but he let out a small sigh of relief "Heh, w-Why don't we... ..w-why don't we do that more often?" he asked, realizing he was out of breath again from the peppers.

"'Cause we're stupid" Stan chuckled jokingly as he began to drive when the light turned green. Jimmy, still suffering, managed to laugh gently at the man's amusing response.

Just as they started to pull into the convenience store's small parking lot, Stan began to feel a hot sensation pool in his throat. His eyes widened and he parked the car, feeling sweat gradually start to build up at his forehead.

".....St-......Stan...?".

"H-Ho-Holy shit, I-I mean crap! H-HOLY CRAP!" Stan frantically unbuckled his seat belt, his hands fumbling a little "FUCK, IT'S HOT! I-I MEAN FUDGE!".

Jimmy's eyes lit up and his jaw dropped in realization. That kiss... it must've transferred some of the scolding hot pepper taste to Stan!

Stan was in full panic mode, and was now just as sweaty and just as bright red as his boyfriend "WATER!! WATE RWATER W ATER".

"STAN, WATER'S NOT GOING TO WORK!" Jimmy shouted as they rushed out of their car and into the store.

The cashier just watched speechlessly as the two men rushed over to the refrigerated area and searched for whatever it was that they needed. Jimmy made a break for the milk, grabbing a small bottle so he could chug it right then and there. Stan, on the other hand, was chugging down all the water he could "WHY ISN'T IT WORKING?!" he panted.

"H-Holyyyy shit, that's soooo much better!" Jimmy sighed, the pleasantness of relief and milk graced his taste buds as he continued to drink more "Thank you, sweet cow juice" he mumbled quietly as he hugged the medium-sized carton of milk close to him.

"STAN, WHAT THE FUCK?!" A sudden piercing voice disrupted them, and they both quickly realized that it was Kiki Chanel, who was with Reggie and Anna.

"Kik-K-Kiki? W-What are you doing here?" Stan panted, his mouthful of water spilling out onto his blue polo shirt.

"I told you, Stan! We're shooting for my next line of KOC! Hashtag SPICY~" Kiki posed fabulously as she named the hashtag "What the hell are YOU doing here?".

"W-WELL, JIMMY GOT GHOST PEPPERS FROM A GROUP OF CRIMINALS A-AND ATE THREE OF THEM, A-AND AS I WAS DRIVING HERE TO GET HIM SOME MILK, W-WE KISSED IN THE CAR A-AND NOW MY MOUTH IS BURNING UP! I-I WANTED TO MAKE HIM FEEL BETTER FOR YELLING AT HIM EARLIER, B-BUT I FAILED TO REALIZE THE CONSEQUENCES OF KISSING SOMEONE WHO HAD JUST EATEN GHOST PEPPERS".

"You two are dating? Well congratulations, Staniel! Damn, I didn't think you'd ever actually find someone" Reggie said with his trademark, maniacal laugh "Like, EVER!".

"Yeah, congratulations Stan! We're really happy for you" Anna said with her sweet, soft voice.

"O-OH THANK YOU" Stan coughed, his voice cracking and starting to sound emotional.

"OOH!" Kiki clapped her gloved hands together "THIS. IS. PERFECT! Stan, Jim, you two just keep doing what you're doing! Anna, Reggie, get into position and get ready to say 'hashtag spicy' on my say so!".

The two models posed fashionably in front of Jimmy and Stan, who were both still suffering from what was basically heat stroke at this point.

"HASHTAG SPICY!" Reggie and Anna spoke in a synchronized manner after Kiki told them "go!".

"Ah! Fannntastic! Wonderful! Now c'mon, team! Just two locations left! See ya later, Stan! Thanks for the photo op~".

With that, the trio of models were gone.

Stan groaned painfully as he slammed his fist onto the fridge door, whining loudly.

Jimmy, now mostly relieved of the heat, walked over to Stan and kissed him gently on the cheek "Are you sure you don't want any of this milk? It'll make you feel better than if you popped an oxy".

The agonized water man wailed in defeat "alriiiiight!" he cried out, grabbing the milk and quickly downing the rest of it. His face immediately contorted into an expression of pure disgust.

Jimmy sighed with a roll of his eyes "Feel better, Sunflower?".

"A-A little. Can we just go home now?" Stan continued to whine.

Jimmy chuckled "Yeah. C'mon, you big baby" he teased as he took hold of Stan's hand "Let's go".

-------

Written by: @Gay-Spaghetti

Hope you guys enjoyed this! :3 Mayyyybe I'll write more Friendlypack fics if I come up with more ideas :P Thank you, Dorkskittles for letting me submit this! Love ya! <3

Response))OMLLLL SPAGHETTI THIS WAS SO GOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!!!! EEE SO TENSE AT THE BEGINNING BUT IT EVENED OUT AS IT WENT ON!!! SO GOOD SJSJSJ YOUR WRITING IS VERY ENJOYABLE TO READD!!!

#gayspaghet #not my writing #friendlypack #gOOD SHIT 👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻#stan the water man #friendly j #submission #long post

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thelonelybrilliance · 6 years

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Sassy Recap--OUAT--1x05 "That Still Small Voice"

Spotlight on Archibald Hopper, aka Jiminy Cricket, aka the Toby Flenderson of Storybrook!

Born to humble puppeteers, who put on a trash Punch & Judy show, little Jiminy had the task of picking the audience's pockets. Humble SHYSTERS, IT WOULD SEEM.

Jiminy doesn't like this crime-filled lifestyle, and admires the humble ways of crickets, and ALSO he and his parents are all TERRIBLE ACTORS.

Flash-forward, Henry's having a therapy session where Archie patronizes the shit out of him about his beliefs and I...oops...almost fall asleep.

Emma is refusing to wear her deputy uniform, and honestly, so would I. It’s dorky. Graham gives in to her demands, because we all know he's not the most assertive, and then an EXPLOSION SHAKES THE GROUND.

Turns out it's an old mining shaft. A crowd has gathered, and as Regina loves a crowd, she's here too. (I mean, yes, she is also the mayor, but I will drag her regardless.) Regina is VERY DISPLEASED that Emma is now on official town business, and Emma gets to be rightfully smug. Sheriff Graham is undoubtedly playing with fire, since he hired the woman his boss/paramour HATES. He looks a bit chastened, but also notes that it's "In his budget."

Regina promises the town that the site will be bulldozed and paved. Henry BURSTS OUT OF THE THRONG because of course Henry is never in bed/at home/at school when he's supposed to be, and demands to know what she's hiding at the bottom of the mineshaft. There's a lot conspiracy theories in this lad's mind, but we, the audience, know he's got a pretty high batting average.

HMMM AND THEN REGINA PICKS UP A PIECE OF GLASS FROM THE GROUND. WHAT IS THAT, PRAY?

Henry wants to find out. He calls in...ARCHIE for reinforcements and demands that Operation Cobra prevent the filling-in of the tunnels.

Regina demands that Archie change Henry's treatment plan or she will DESTROY HIS ENTIRE LIFE. And by "change his treatment plan," of course, she means DESTROY HENRY'S LIFE. Geez, woman.

Back in Fairytale Land, Jiminy is now an adult and STILL hates thieving but also...won't leave? In the pouring rain, a small boy who can't deliver a convincing lie to save his life talks about puppeteering and crickets and gives Jiminy his umbrella, all of which is, of course, very inspirational.

Back in Our World, Jiminy Cricket has gone full "YOU'RE CRAY" on Henry, just like Regina asked, code of Ethics be damned. Henry runs out of the room, of course, leaving Jiminy Cricket as his own conscience, for once.

Mary Margaret is keeping David company, which is very...ahem, CHARMING, and is of course interrupted by his wife.

His wife says "Good day, Miss Blanchard" like that is a normal way to say goodbye to someone in this, the year of our lord, 2000-something.

Mary Margaret and Emma are making smores together like the faves they are and Emma tells MM that getting involved with a married man is a bad idea, "Trust me." EMMA HAS A PAST AND IT'S ANGSTY.

They're interrupted by a tearful Henry barging in, post-therapist trauma.

Emma off course goes to kick Archie's ass, and while he's weakly defending himself, Regina calls. HENRY HAS GONE MISSING AND WE ALL KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. That's right, he's going down in the mine.

Also the yellow tape in this world says SHERIFF line do not cross? mmkay.

In Fairytale Land, Rumplestiltskin is doing his signature move, spinning straw into gold when Jiminy not-yet-cricket shows up to dump off some treasures and ask for a magical solution to his parental problem. Rumple gives him a potion, and the price is...Rumple gets to collect his parents once the potion has done its work? JIMINY, JIMOTHY, JAMES. I trust that you know that this is a bad idea. HOw much of a fool are you?

Spoiler alert: a big ol' fool.

Henry finds more glass down in the mine, and then the mine starts COLLAPSING which is what they DO Of course Archibald Hopster DASHES in after him and now they're both TRAPPED IN THE MINE

What's even worse, though, is that Henry is being a TWERP and is like "we're here to investigate!" and it's like...nah fam, you're here to get crushed to death more like, but of course he doesn't listen to reason and runs FURTHER INTO DANGER.

Before this neat little plotline can be resolved, we have to return to Fairytale Land, where the Puppet family is snookering a friendly young couple for some broth as a means of selling charlatan "elf potion."

The elf potion bottle looks exactly like the bottle Rumple gave Jiminy. I'm sure you see where this is going. They make up a story about the plague (A plague) and sell elf tonic to the young couple in a ricochet session of terrible dialogue, and then reveal to Jiminy that they switched the bottles, and THEN it turns out that the poor young couple has been permanently transformed into horrifying wooden puppets.

Jiminy is overcome with remorse. So is the couple's son, who was the annoying little dude who loved crickets. Only the trash parents are gleeful. They're all, "hey! New puppets for the act!"

BACK IN OUR WORLD, Henry is the one being a bit of a nuisance, as already noted. He is LITERALLY PINIONED BETWEEN STONES, searching for whatever "shiny thing" is at the bottom of the shaft, and guess what? When Archie tells him he's worried, Henry's all, "Why, because I'm crazy?" BOI. YOU MAY Be oNLY TEN YEARS OLD bUT look AROund YOU. YOU ARE IN DANGER OF BEING PANCAKED.

Aboveground, everyone else is either lounging around (Ruby/Red Riding Hood) or modeling their best pissed-off-face (Regina) or looking pretty inexcusably hot (Sheriff Graham)

Regina is showing a genuine emotion for once, and Emma and she draw a temporary truce to save Henry. Their plan? Explosives. That's...a lot.

Meanwhile, below ground, Henry and Archie are using an old elevator to get closer to ground, so of course they just crash down further when the dynamite goes off.

IN OTHER NEWS, Mary Margaret is falling hard for David, who needs to go for thirty-minute walks daily and WOULD LIKE HER TO COME WITH.

Mary Margaret was made for ballet flats; also she has a cute peacoat.

"None of it feels real," David says, "Except you." SHE'S THE ONLY THING THAT FEELS RIghT TO HIM!!

They're having CLOSE eye contact when Kathryn shows up with a basket of cranberry muffins. The heck. Those aren't even the best muffins?? Why are you here??

Emma is TAKING CHARGE like the boss she is, and puts Archie's dog Pongo (yes, that Pongo) on the scent. They uncover an airshaft!

And down below, Henry apologizes for his HAREBRAINED SCHEMES while Archie apologizes for being the Worst Therapist.

Emma gets slowly lowered into the mineshaft with Regina's (not as grudging as you might have expected) approval.

Just as Emma rescues Henry, the elevator collapses and Archie would have gone with it had it not been for his trusty umbrella, which he hooks onto her harness. INGENUITY. Don’t you love it?

And you know what? The townspeople, even Regina, experience genuine joy. FOR A SECOND, until Regina goes back to being a royal bitch, AS WE MIGHT HAVE EXPECTED. She coldly tells Emma to get lost and then starts slobbering praise on Archie, until he tells her that he plans to go back to treating Henry according...idk, ETHICAL STANDARDS.

Regina threatens him again, and I don't care much about Archie but he has a VERY badass moment here: in essence, he tells Regina that she may well find herself locked in a custody battle and the court will look to him as an expert witness. Damn, son! Get those legal Z-snaps!

Back in fairytale land one more time), a devastated Jiminy Shiminy asks for help the only way he knows how: calling on the blue fairy to turn him into a LITERAL CRICKET.

Also, the Blue Fairy is shady af, telling people not to "wish so loudly." who are you, a librarian?

Jiminy Cricket now takes on his task to help the orphaned boy, whose name is...

GEPPETTO

ok, ok. MY HEART.

Back in Storybrooke, Henry starts hearing crickets again! "Things are changing" he says, and aren't we just all pleased as punch?

CREEPY DETAIL: Mr. Gold still has the nasty puppet dolls in his shop! WTF.

Mary Margaret is resigning as a volunteer! HOLD ON JUST A LITTLE LONGER MY LOVE

And finally, Regina drops that mysterious piece of glass down the air shaft where it clatters against...

...SNOW WHITE'S COFFIN.

#ouat #my recaps #sassy recaps #rewatch

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forbiddenrituals · 6 years

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Chipotle Etiquette

Hello everyone,

This has been a long time coming. I am a former chipot-hole employee and I thought I would share some basic human decency rules you should take with you whenever you decide to destroy your butthole.

If it’s too long just read the bold/italics please

1. It’s Extra

Yes, most people who eat Chipotle know the drill whenever they decide to get Guacamole. The dead eyed worker mentions that it’s extra, your correct response should be “Yes that’s fine” or “Sure!” or any other affirmation that yes you want the magic green pulp. Do not say “I know it’s extra,” do NOT interrupt them halfway through the question and don’t throw it at them before they even ask, just fuckin’ don’t you guys. It is MANDATORY that they ask you, they can’t get out of it, I’m sure they hear those words crooned to them by the bastard demon that haunts them in the wee hours of night as they experience sleep paralysis. I know most of the time you’re trying to be helpful but you want to be helpful? Just confirm yes, you want the emerald goop.

2. Use your eyeballs

When you enter the establishment your first instinct should be to check for any out of the ordinary signs. Usually they’re almost always displayed on the menu, the front doors or the sneeze guard. It’s easy to disregard, especially if you have a routine, I’ve done it too and been rightly embarrassed over it. Some southern Californians might remember but for a while we had been out of Carnitas, for WEEKS. At LEAST once a day I got someone who would ask for it and at one point I got so fed up I silently put my finger on the sign we had on the sneeze guard and slid it over. Just… pay attention.

3. Order Clearly

90% of the time you order Chipotle, you get the same thing almost every time, you go on autopilot when you order. It happens. But one of the biggest grievances we would get is a customer screaming because we put something on their order that “I SPECIFICALLY SAID NOT TO PUT ON THERE!!” You want to know how this happens kids??? It goes like this:

“Can I get mild salsa, no cheese, corn, sour cream, lettuce.”

Why would you say no cheese Bethany? Why?? We don’t put ANYTHING on the order until you name it, Jimothy. It’s loud in here Carol and you fucking mumbled we couldn’t hear you say the “no” in “no cheese”. I ask you Chadsworth why tHE FUCK WOULD YOU SAY ‘NO SOUR CREAM’!? SHIT JIMANTHA YOU CAUGHT ME I WAS GOING TO POUR A METRIC FUCKTON OF SOUR CREAM ON YOUR BURRITO BOWL WITH EXTRA PINTO JUICE IF YOU DIDN’T SPECIFICALLY ASK ME NOT TO-

You get the point.

Just…fuckin. . say what you DO want on your food, not what you don’t. It makes it easier for everyone.

4. Prepare for wait times

You see that chucklefuck over there? His name is Brad and he is a cunt. Brad is the captain of the football team and he wants a fat ass burrito but nah bro it isn’t enough he needs to have a Quesarito, melted cheese on the tortilla before you actually build it. But shit dude he also needs EXTRA RICE AND STEAK because protein BRAH gotta be built like a shitbrickhouse to win the championship. But fuck man, theyre out of steak and it takes a hot minute for the cheese to melt. The grill person says its going to take 10-15 minutes for new steak and rice to come out. This is a fairly popular establishment!! Running out of food is fairly common. But Brad is an asshole and proceeds to make a scene that he has to wait for his precious quesarito and the steak and rice with NO cilantro.

Basically, if your order is intricate or you happen to come in while they’re scrambling to replenish just show some patience for the love of god.

5. Baby Chips

Listen, to all my calorie counting neurotic monsters out there, if you order the kids chips and you’re not getting a kids meal because “It has less calories” just… don’t get the damn chips. No calories is better than some calories right?? Just don’t. Do you know how annoying filling those little brown bags are? Do you know how horrible it feels to have a little one with their quesadilla meal not get their bag of chips?? Either go big or go home.

6. Salsa Terminology

It is mild, medium or hot salsa. That’s literally all there is too it. The amount of people (every single one has been a white person the near year I worked there) who would come in and butcher Salsa Roh-hah or Salsa Ver-dee or pico day gall-oh still takes a piece of my soul to this day. We SPECIFICALLY asked you MILD, MEDIUM or HOT salsa just uSE THE WORDS WE PROVIDE FOR YOU.

7. Water Cups

Listen up you little shits, if you’re going to use water cups to get free soda at least toss some money in the tip jars you cheap fucks.

8. Napkins

WHY DO PEOPLE TAKE WHOLE PACKAGE’S WORTH OF NAPKINS TO YOUR TABLES!!??? WHY?! IT IS A WASTE OF NAPKINS AND YOU DON’T EVEN TAKE THEM WITH YOU?! MOTHERFU-

9. Soda machine/utensil area

Listen I understand its embarrassing when you accidentally spill your drink or make a mess. I get it. The very LEAST you can do is alert the staff to the mess made. Now if you’re like me you won’t alert the staff because I’ll be too busy scrambling to clean it myself, but do not just walk away. do NOT walk away from me timmy I fucking SAW you dump your soda. If you don’t want to clean it at LEAST TELL SOMEONE. Don’t leave utensils you accidentally pulled out all over the place and floor either or napkins strewn all over the place you filthy animals.

10. Extra Guac or Meat

You will pay extra! You will NEED TO PAY EXTRA. Do not WHEEDLE with the workers asking for just ‘a little more’ steak or whatever the hell else and then GET MAD WHEN THEY CHARGE YOU EXTRA. Do you know how much one serving of meat is supposed to be? 4 ounces. That’s right Chadley, the little side cups? Those bitty baby side cups? That’s 4 ounces. I guarantee NO chipotle gives you that amount because come on now? Really? You consistently get above the required amount of meat so be thankful you ungracious fuck. Also it puts the worker in an awkward position and some are less firm then others and if you’re trying to exploit that just get. out.

11. Loopholes

Let me tell you about this customer. He was actually a really nice guy, but his orders always sucked. Do you want to know why? He would order a chicken or steak burrito. He paid for a single burrito but he would ask for:

6 scoops of rice, 6 scoops of beans, regular everything else.

We didn’t charge extra for the rice or beans, he knew that. He KNEW. Watched with satisfaction as we tried to fold, that’s right, FOLD this monstrous burrito for him only to dump it into a bowl because the tortillas kept tearing. Not only was it annoying, but half the time he would clear us out of rice and beans, thus making the people behind him wait even LONGER for food. (eventually my General manager told him we wouldn’t do it for him anymore)

Just don’t. I beg of you. Make your own bucket of rice and beans at home.

12. Sneeze Guard

DO NOT! STICK YOUR HAND!!! OVER THE SNEEZEGUARD!!!!

WHY KAREN?! WHY?!

WE WORK HERE BRENDATHEN WE KNOW WHICH ONE IS THE MILD SALSA!! WE KNOW WHICH ONE IS THE STEAK. THERE IS A SNEEZE GUARD FOR A REASON!!! STOP TRYING TO FINGERFUCK THE BARBACOA CHERYL I DONT CARE HOW TEMPTING IT LOOKS!!!!

13. Cut them a Break

In conclusion this is just the usual spiel of be respectful, be patient, and don’t throw a hissyfit. If you see someone else being a jerk, say something, or if you hate confrontation throw a few bucks in the tip jar or compliment the staff at least it’s a lot of work and they don’t need you being a dick.

Thanks for reading and happy eating!!

#christine complains #christine talks #chipotle #chipotle etiquette #guacomole

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brownstonearmy · 3 years

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2020-03-27: Court Ordered Appearances (Part 3)

Wednesday Aug 26 (early afternoon, hot and still)

The day after Bargulena's trial, the party (and Gigi) is back in Brownstone. Everyone wants to lay low for a bit, but adventure has a way of coming to meet our party one way or another. Gigi has informed the party that the entirety of Bargulena's soul was not captured, and that the whole soul is needed for the next part of the plan. The remaining piece of the soul seems to be somewhere in Brownstone, so at least there's that.

Around the same time, some sort of disturbance is reported at The Hole, and it just so happens that there is a group of mostly-competent adventurers ready to investigate! Perhaps the two events are related? ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT!

Long lines of people with dead eyes are walking into The Hole carrying liquor. Usually bars frown on patrons bringing in outside liquor, so that's already weird. But it's when the party tries to actually enter the establishment that things get even weirder.

The dead-eyed bouncer stops them and asks: "Where is your offering? He will not be pleased."

Everything seems a bit cult-y (and not in the fun way) and further conversation with the bouncer doesn't turn up much. The party questions a few other random dead-eyed people walking around and finds a few other cryptic clues. Apparently the offering is required to receive a reward, and the reward is... satisfaction? And when the party asks who they are supposed to make their offering to, their dead-eyed answer-giver only says "It is death to speak it."

Members of the party grab some booze and attempt to enter the establishment (though without the dead eyes). Gigi follows behind them, but the bouncer stops her because she's too young. Spleenifer mentions that Gigi is actually a polymorphed dragon in human form, mostly to avoid intimidating the patrons. Lucky takes Spleenifer's explanation to the next level and casts a subtle version of Polymorph on Gigi to really drive the point home.

Success! The bouncer waves the party and Gigi inside.

Inside the tavern, a black hooded figure is sitting at a table getting served liquor by a constant stream dead-eyed supplicants. The figure turns to face the party, revealing a bejeweled skull underneath the hood.

Spleenifer marches straight to toward the hooded figure and smashes a bottle on the table in dramatic fashion. "BY JIMOTHY, HAVE YOU SEEN ANAXILAS?" The yell is followed by a massive burp.

Once the party gets closer, it's clear that the figure is Monsignor Gryllz in a billowing robe to make it look like he's got a body. He's downing booze at a fast clip, but his lack of a stomach means it's going straight into a bucket on the floor.

Monsignor Gryllz is not quite as self assured as he was inside of Bargulena. He'd gotten used to living in the cramped confines of Bargulena's guts and has discovered he has developed a fear of open spaces. That's why he's in The Hole, the bar with the lowest ceilings.

Gigi's soul stone indicates that Monsignor Gryllz is in possession of the missing piece of Bargulena's soul, and Lucky offers up a little wager to Monsignor Gryllz. They shall play a round of the card game 52 Pickup, and if the party wins, Gryllz will have to cough up the rest of Bargulena's soul and leave the party alone. But if Gryllz wins, the party will forfeit their souls and Gryllz will probably do some weird necromancer stuff with their bodies.

Monsignor Gryllz has not heard of this game before, but nevertheless agrees to play. Lucky's deck of cards explodes and sends cards flying all over the tavern. Gryllz, having no hands because of the disembodied skull situation, uses mage hand to try to pick up cards. The game turns violent, with counterspells and headbutts and all manner of pointed barbs exchanged.

Although the party won by getting more cards, Gryllz insists the victory was obtained by cheating. He proposes a new deal: give him more souls and he'll regurgitate Bargulena's. Perhaps these souls could be obtained from the River Styx?

Spleenifer is horrified at the suggestion and asks Lathander for guidance. The voice of Lathander sounds a lot like Spleenifer's regular inner monologue, which means that it's pretty much just a polka of poop sounds. But this poop sound polka seems to indicate that the party should try to visit the River Styx by way of the giant hole left by SLAP2CHOP (see the latest issue of the Brownstone Bugle for the name).

Once the party and Gigi reach the eastern outskirts of town, the OIS guards attempt to halt the party from progressing closer to the borehole. Spleenifer explains the situation, and the OIS guards reluctantly allow the party to continue on their quest.

Monsignor Gryllz mentions that he can just fly down the borehole and regurgitate the soul once he's reached his destination. Sparkle doesn't think it's a good idea to allow an evil demilich unsupervised access to a limitless river of souls (good call!) so the party will chaperone him to make sure the deal goes down as agreed. Lucky turns Gigi back into a dragon, and everyone else in the party clings to her back as she descends down the walls of the borehole.

Before Monsignor Gryllz can reach the River Styx, his progress is interrupted by the appearance of the Grim Reaper. The Reaper (they/them pronouns) really hates undead for ideological reasons and happily smites Gryllz out of existence, triggering the release of the last piece of Bargulena's soul.

Death and the party have a pleasant chat. No, seriously! They ask what the going rate is for the Ferryman for when their time comes. It's 20 GP if you don't want the Ferryman to feel slighted. But Death has other souls to collect, and it's not the party's time yet, so everyone parts ways.

Gigi, still a dragon leaves the borehole and soars into the sky. The soul stone is now complete. But as the party takes in the view from way up in the sky, they see a bolt of lightning that seemingly comes out of nowhere in the cloudless sky from atop a mountain. They fly over to investigate, some members of the party nearly falling to their death after a bout of turbulence.

But everyone's okay, though!

Gigi lands where the lightning bolt struck on the mountain, revealing a cave entrance behind a boulder that the lightning cleaved in two. Everyone proceeds cautiously into the cave, which slowly gives way to an opulent marble hallway and atrium.

This must be Bargulena's lair! But also inside the lair are three other adventurers, trying to loot it. Spleenifer notices a large dragon egg nestled in the piles of gold. Sparkle whips out the trusty Didgeriboop to put the looters to sleep so the party can figure out what to do next.

Gigi knows the soul is supposed to be transferred into the egg, but it requires some sort of arcane bridge to do it. Lucky just goes for it and unleashes a wild magic surge and casts Magic Missile targeting Gigi and the egg. The arcane bridge is established between the two, and the surge has now made Lucky afraid of grid patterns and also unable to flirt without looking like an idiot.

Bargulena's soul begins to flow into the egg. Cracks form on the surface of the shell and two little dragon feet pop out of the bottom. It's a reincarnated version of Bargulena! In exchange for this reincarnation, Baby Bargulena allows the party to take what they can carry from the treasure hoard in her lair. Sparkle naturally finds several homoerotic nudes depicting elves that were originally produced by Pixelf and the Deviant Scriptorium. Lucky finds a functional but pretty shortsword to give Hilaria that's made of an exotic material that can cut through the magic resistance of evil creatures.

Once everyone's pockets and portable holes are laden with treasure, it's time to ask Bargulena about Anaxilas. But dragons are seldom direct in their answers. "You will know him by his signs," she says. The party thanks Bargulena for her cryptic wisdom and leaves Bargulena to pass judgment on the looters.

The party emerges from the lair on a rocky outcropping overlooking the town of Swanmark. Everyone hikes a little ways down the mountain into Swanmark with literalism on the brain and starts looking for signs.

One sign in particular stands out: it's hanging outside a tavern called the Devil's Bargain. Fresh red paint lines the edges of the sign. Spleenifer employs her notable height to reach up and touch the paint.

It's still wet!

The proprietor of the establishment marches out into the street to exchange words with the party for messing with his sign. Sparkle is quick with an apology: "Please excuse my friend, as she was recently exposed to alcohol. Didn't drink it, just exposed to it."

If the party is willing to pay to have the sign repainted, the owner of the Devil's Bargain is willing to let this transgression slide. The party agrees to do so and eventually learns that the sign was painted by a recent transplant to the town named Barry Astorio. He lives in a two-bedroom bungalow on the edge of Swanmark.

After paying for the damage to the sign, the party marches out to Barry's house and knocks on the door. Barry answers the door, but it's not REALLY Barry. It's actually Anaxilas wearing a damn shirt and some glasses with a fake moustache.

Lucky grabs Barry and teleports him and the rest of the party back to Norbert's house in Brownstone to have a discussion about why he faked his death. And with that particular romantic plot thread taken care of, Lucky heads off to bring Hilaria the gift sword from Bargulena's lair.

Things do not go quite according to plan, though, because Lucky is still affected by that wild magic surge and the flirting Lucky tries to do alarms Hilaria. I mean, what would you do if someone you loved showed up at your house unannounced waving a sword at you?

Lucky and Hilaria have a few things to work out as we leave our adventurers for now. Stay tuned next time for more!

#bargulena #dragon #signs #shits and giggles #dungeons and dragons #adventure log #death #river styx #anaxilas #barry astorio

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elsewhereuniversity · 7 years

Text

To Be Favored (Part 5, finale)

Hope you guys enjoyed! :)

———————————

I stopped going to classes. I didn’t care about homework. I couldn’t focus on equations when the crows sat outside my window and watched me every move. I couldn’t care about attendance when they had emboldened and would sit next to me when I ate lunch outside. They would chirp and shrill, sometimes even land on my shoulder. Other students found it admirable and fun, but I knew what it was. I was a hostage. Theirs.

I stopped talking to Vector- I couldn’t get her involved. Plus, she wouldn’t believe me anyway. But, that was good. She was a Smart one. She would text me and I wouldn’t reply, avoiding all contact. It wasn’t worth it. Azriel looked at me with pitying eyes. She never told me what she was, but I know now that she was a Changeling, an ambitious one who had snapped up a young girl in the first week.

I began searching out the Gentry. To do this required going into the night much more often- but by this time, the darkness was the least of my worries.

Jimothy was useless- he didn’t care either way what happened. He wouldn’t even speak if I gave him beads- only ever gave me his teeth. I think he knew what the crows were doing, and whenever he saw them begin to flock around me, he would walk away slowly, onto the next thing. Smart creature.

Foxy Lady seemed amused at my situation altogether. I met her by a fountain under the moonlight, offering jewelry for information, or for help. She had laughed and said even she wouldn’t dare touch jewelry gifted by the crows. She had offered help in exchange for a name, though, in her lilting, sweet voices. I knew the value of a True name, and had promptly refused. She had smiled, and disappeared.

The Rose Prince was an asshole, and as soon as the word “crow” left my mouth he turned away.

Cat-Eyes wouldn’t see me again, no matter how long I stood at that damn tree. But, by trading bits of information with a few students who were Involved, I thought I had found some help. I went to every nook and corner on campus, talking to blind old women, tall men with 3 voices, things in the library (seventh floor) that only spoke in riddles, and in particular a creature that had eyes where its nose should be, and no mouth altogether. How it spoke, I can’t recall. At first, it frightened me, seeing this things, but I was becoming desperate. Universally, they turned me away. They told me that those who are Favored cannot be helped. They told me to leave. They turned me away in fear for their own lives. To wish for death as a mercy.

They had watched me do all of this. I had been aware, and they were no longer shy. They were in the trees, on the buildings, in the courtyards and all about the campus. They had heard my whimpers and pleads for help. They had laughed at them, but allowed it. They’ve always been so ruthless.

——

The final night, they chased me. It was almost midnight, but they had surround me dorm room and began to call so loudly we couldn’t sleep. They were perched on the windowsill, screeching at the glass pane. They were flying past each other outside, dark bodies jetting in and out of trees. Azriel laid awake in bed, watching the commotion. I soon joined her, and we sat together in silence, confronting the cacophony that was the murder of crows outside. That night, it had felt like an ending. Something had felt finished, as I slipped on a hoodie, an old pair of jeans and some sneakers. It had felt like an ending when I found that I couldn’t cry anymore. It had felt like an ending when I slipped on the golden bracelet.

Azriel looked at me as I stepped towards the door. For the first time since I had met her, tears were coming to her eyes. “I’m so sorry,” she said. “I’m so sorry that it was you.”

I nodded, but I just felt heavy inside. “Goodnight, Azriel.” I had said.

I had one final plan. It was dangerous, and stupid, but it was a plan. I had been turned away by all else. There was no help to be found. The crows would have me one way or the other, under the darkness of night. So maybe I could go to the darkness itself.

As soon as I stepped outside of the dorm I began to run toward the trees. They were following my every move, of course. I watched as the swarm turned to my direction, screeching loud enough to burst an ear. I made it to the treeline before they did, but of course they were fast creatures. My speed made no difference- they would have me. The forest would slow them down, yes, but they would have me nonetheless.

I was always advised to not go into the forest. When I became Involved, the rule was only reinforced. There are no gentle Gentry in the forest. There are only beasts that lurk in the darkness. Things without hearts, or minds. They are powerful, very much so, but you will not leave the forest alive. Either that, or you will not leave the way you came. I had run out of options, though.

I had to dodge my way through the trees, pushing past whatever exhaustion my body was attempting to force on me. The birds weren’ far behind, but I needed to go deeper. The Forest at EU wasn’t normal, obviously. The more I ran, the darker it became. The trees grew denser, the air became suffocating and hot, until I was sweating not just from the exertion, but from the heat. There were trees on all sides now, and the moonlight was only a distant memory, my eyes had to search hard to find any semblance of silhouettes, but I continued on. I continued on until I heard things around me that didn’t sound like animals. I continued on until I felt bodies or limbs brush past me. I continued on until I saw blinking eyes looking at my from near and afar, until I heard words thrown at me in tongues I didn’t understand. I continued on until I heard not only the crows behind me, but the sound of feet and paws chasing after me too.

Eventually, though, the darkness welcomed me in.

It was like I had broken through a force field. Everything was suddenly silent, and I fell to my knees. It didn’t take long to appear, the creature. Far, far above me, two bright fires were burning, white in color. There was no light to see the shape of a body, but those flames provided enough to get an idea. Whatever it was, it was gargantuan. It stood twice the height of any tree that I had passed. This ancient thing had dwelled in the darkness of the forest for a very long time, and it was just what I had been searching for.

I had learned of it through my studies in the library. I risked my life looking at ancient books, almost suffocated and chased from the stacks as I looked for information. Any book that said anything about the Gentry and the crows stated that all was lost. That any spell or sorcery would only be temporary. But I also learned of the things that dwell in the darkness. The Gentry that are higher in the Court than the ones on campus. They inhabit ancient places of power, where the walls between worlds are thin, where they make their domains and seats of rule. They do not have names, for they would not be so foolish, but they do have power. If anyone, anything, could help, it could.

And here it was, in all its grandiosity. All of it’s power focused on me, it’s flaming eyes looking down at my small figure. It’s voice sounded like a roar at first, terrible and guttural. It racked me so heavily I had to lean forward and dry heave for a moment. I was so tired- sweaty, hot, afraid and desperate. I was at my breaking point.

“You have sought me out.” It said. It wasn’t speaking english, but I had the impression that it was above language barriers. It’s voice was so weighty that it shook that ground beneath my feet.

“Yes- yes, I-” I had to take breaths. I felt sick, like I couldn’t breath. I thought I would vomit. “I need your help. Please.”

“From what do you seek protection, human?” It said the last word like a curse and I flinched. Hearing its voice wasn’t getting any easier. Each time it spoke was like getting hit by a train.

“The crows-it’s the crows. I can’t escape them! I don’t know what to do, I’ve tried everything!” I said. I was crying now, tears falling down my sweaty face. “They’re relentless! They’re attacking me, they want me and I don’t know why. I’m Favored but I don’t want to be! Please, give me anything! Anything that will help, I beg of you!”

It seemed to consider for a moment before speaking. “You know the cost, human. And it is not light.”

“I-I-” I gulped, taking in a heave of air. “I have a name. A True Name.”

I watched as those flames descended- it seemed to be kneeling down, to take in all of me for the first time. It got so close that the heat from the fires washed over my body, and I cried again. I was so terrified.

“It is not your own.” It stated.

I sobbed, shaking my head. I wiped my face with dirty hands. “No-no it’s not.”

“A name is a name, human. Give it, and you will have my counsel.”

What I was about to do was the most treacherous thing I had ever done in my life. To give a name not your own is already a soul-damning confession.

But to give a name of your own kin. Well, I guess I got what I deserved for that.

I did not do it with a clear conscience. I cried and cried before I said the words. I wracked my body with guilt and shame, I cried because this had all been so awful, and here I was, kneeled in front of a creature that in a good world I would have never known to exist. I cried because I had done my best. I cried because I had not erred. I cried because I was broken, beaten, sweaty, blood and afraid. I cried because I was about to betray my own.

“Give the name, or take your leave.”

“I-it’s-it’s-” It had been so hard to say it. What would happen? Would he die? Would he be Taken? I couldn’t stand the thought of it. But, I confessed that I did not err.

I did not confess that I was a good person.

“It’s Alonzo Guerra. His name is Alonzo Guerra.”

The thing made a sound of what seemed to be satisfaction. I waited for a moment before speaking.

“So-w-what’s your counsel?” I asked it, shrinking away from the fire of its eyes.

“My counsel is this,” it said. It seemed to finally stand up, as its eyes rose to its natural height once more. “You cannot escape the crows.”

My heart stopped. Somewhere in my, I knew this would be the outcome. I had hoped against it though. Still, I was in such shock that I stopped crying.

“What?”

“The crows are not Elsewhere, though they are neither of your world. They obey no master. They are not my domain.”

With that, I felt myself being pushed away. Slowly, the light of its eyes faded and I screamed at it to come back, to help me, to protect me. I did not listen, and instead, when the flames had finally disappeared, I found myself on the edge of the forest line, near campus.

The crows were there, and when they saw me, they did not wait to move towards my frozen body. I did not move or try to escape. I watched as they filled the night sky, the bright moon behind their dark bodies. I watched as they descended, flying around me, landing on the ground and in the nearby trees. I watched as the climbed on my body and pushed me back with their sharp beaks, claws and screeching calls. I watched as the picked at me ravenously, glistening pieces of gold in between their beaks. I watched as I screamed and screamed as they dug into my flesh, pulled at my hair, picked at my eyes and my tongue, scraped at my skin. I watched as blood poured like a river from my form, as they remade me in their image. I watched as I died that night, my body left like a canvas for them.

At the stroke of midnight, I was reborn.

It felt odd, belonging to them. But not necessarily wrong. When they spoke, I understood. I stood from the midst of them, reformed, to look into the moonlight. I raised one of my arms and marveled at their creation- pieces of gold were embedded in my skin, covering me in shiny trinkets. Blood welled up around the holes they had made, but I supposed it was pretty. My other arm, in contrast, was covered in dark, fluttering feathers. Some of them sprouted from my skin, some of them had been pierced in by ravenous beaks. I could not speak- at some point they had plucked my name from my screams, and I can only speak when they will it. As I stood in the moonlight, I realized I was covered head to toe in this mix of golden bits and jet black feathers. I was Theirs.

Ours. Ours. I heard them scream, as they fluttered around. Reborn in gilded blood and feathers. Moonlight blood, bloody worship! Ours! A gift for our favored! A gift for us! A gift! A gift! A gift!

If you read my tale, know that the Smartest stay away from the crows at all costs. Don’t befriend them, don’t feed them, and definitely do not insult them. If you read my tale, know that betrayal is not worth the outcome, no matter what it is. If you read my tale, know that darkness is not your friend.

If you read my tale, be warned to always be wary of the crows. If you read my tale, know to never accept a gift left on your windowsill. Because if you do, you may very well be Favored.

And if you read my tale, you already know that Favor is not something you can escape.

-Oliver Scales

#Oliver Scales #stories #to be favored #aurea #azriel #the crows #‘the rose prince was an asshole’ i’m laughing so hard yes he’s the worst Thing #ohhhh a tragedy #submission

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startrekandwars · 6 years

Text

Shore Leave

Word Count: 2237

Tags: None

Summary: Spock plans a shore leave adventure for him, Jim, and Leonard, spending the entire day to try to keep his boyfriends amused.

Federation planets, by rule of thumb, are always best for shore leave. It give the crew a variety of options as to what they can do in their three days off. Bones and Jim have decided to let Spock pick. Rotating who got to pick the day’s activities made sure that they always ended up enjoying it.

He didn’t have a set schedule for once. Which for Spock is almost impossible. They started out by going to a museum (to no one’s surprise). Specifically a museum on the modes of transportation throughout time. Jim was excited the whole time. It took five minutes to convince him not to steal a motorcycle like vehicle.

“Stealing this vehicle is illogical and would make us late for lunch, which I have made reservations for.” Spock countered gently, wrapping his arm around the blonde human to lead him away from the exhibit. “As it is, Leonard has been bored for the past fifteen minutes humoring you.”

“One, motorcycles are cool. Two, it’s your day to pick everything, we didn’t have to come here, as cool as it is.” Jim just wrapped his arm around the bored doctor, grinning. “We could’ve gone anywhere and you picked here.”

Spock just shrugged some, suppressing a small smile. “I find it fascinating to see how cultures developed technology. I see no reason why we couldn’t come here. As it was, you were amused and Leonard was at least amused by the medical vehicles.”

“I just don’t see how someone could work in those things and save lives… Yes it was interesting.” Len countered with a grin. “Are you just going the whole day making us grin?”

“There is still that documentary later. I am attempting to not schedule the entire day. It is shore leave. Which implies an attempt to relax.” Spock responded calmly. “It is my intention to make sure you two relax, I have found that meditation works well for me.”

The Doctor just rolled his eyes. “So you decided that on your day you were going to make us be giggling idiots. I’d kiss you but Jim’s in the way.”

Jim just fake gasped. “I’m in the way? Impossible. I am never in the way. You can kiss him later. I’ll be asleep before the halfway mark in the documentary. Where are we going for lunch?”

“I found a nice vegetarian restaurant we can try. They have a variety of soups you both will be able to choose from.” He answered calmly. “And they have an earth classic, tomato and sweet basil soup.”

“You know us so well, Spock.” Jim just grinned and placed a kiss on the tallest brunette’s cheek. “It would appear that your plan is going to work after all. Are you sure you’re a science officer and not a strategist?”

A smile did emerge on Spock’s face at that. “I am only a strategist in a few situations. This is one of them.” It’s how he shows that he cares about them. By letting them smile and relax. “Lunch is only two blocks from here. And the table is outside.”

Captain of the enterprise, the CMO, and the Commanding Officer were just able to relax. A nice quiet lunch. Bones ended up getting a vegetable broth for lunch in a bread bowl. Jim got the tomato soup he was promised. Spock got a veggie burger because he could.

“I think this is the first time I’ve ever seen you eat a burger of any kind.” Jim stated with a small grin before starting to drink his water.

“The reviews spoke highly of it… I was curious.” Spock answered with a small shrug. “I see no harm in trying something new on shore leave.”

“I could’ve sworn you would’ve got a soup.” Bones answered with a grin before leaning back in his seat. “But it’s your lunch. Worst comes to worst I’ll trade you.”

Spock nodded gently. “Thank you, Len. However I think I shall be fine.”

“I never said you wouldn’t be,” the doctor countered. “You and your damned metabolism could eat termites if you had to and you’d be fine.”

“I do not think I would enjoy the taste, Len.” As it was they were just enjoying their lunch in peace. A nice change of pace instead of running themselves ragged to try and keep everything running. “Is lunch satisfactory?”

“Its great, Spock, you did a great job of picking lunch.” Jim grinned a little bit. “We’re totally going to turn into giggling idiots.”

Smirking from behind his burger, Spock raised an eyebrow. “You would be my giggling idiots. Though neither of you actually are idiots.”

That got both of them to laugh. Leonard rolling his eyes slightly. After all the medical reports he’s done for Spock or Jim he’s pretty sure that isn’t true when it comes to either of them and personal safety. “You have to remember, Spock. Your medical history can speak for itself.”

“I have not forgotten that fact. I merely wished to point out that as far as IQs are concerned, neither of you are idiots.” Spock countered calmly, having finished eating and stole a vulcan kiss from the doctor. “If you are curious about the next activity, I was considering heading back to the room to collect a book and then I was going to sit by the pool, leaving that captain the chance to ‘tan’.”

“I think that was sarcasm, Spock.” Bones sighed as Jim just grinned. “I’ll get the aloe while you collect your book. We’re going to need all of the aloe we brought and then some.”

“I won’t need that much aloe. Besides, Len. You can come swimming too. Spock’s just going to be reading in the shade.”

Spock raised an eyebrow as he stood up. “I do not enjoy getting sunburns. And unlike you or Len, I turn green, not red. It is not enjoyable and we do not have enough aloe with us to accommodate three sunburns.”

The snicker from the Chief medical officer was enough to prove that at least one of them found that fact humorous. “After Jim turns into a lobster, we can watch that documentary. It will be nice way to end the day.”

“I am not going to become a lobster to spite you two. Watch. I’ll apply sunblock as often as I need to.” Jim countered as they walked towards the hotel they were staying at. “I will use all of the sunblock.”

“Applying sunblock isn’t that much of a challenge Jim. You’ll turn into a lobster anyways. Watch.” Bones countered with a grin, wrapping an arm around Spock. “But good luck preventing a sunburn Jimothy.”

“I thought his name was James, Leonard.” Spock countered gently as they walked, wrapping an arm around the good doctor.

“It was a joke Spock… I was teasing- You did that on purpose! Gah, you and your pointy ears and green blood,” he rolled his hazel eyes. “You tricked me into explaining it.”

Spock just nodded looking as smug as he possibly could. “Indeed.” Opening the door, Spock escaped the embrace from Leonard and went in search of his book, which logically, was on the dresser.

Jim was laughing as he just grabbed his swim trunks, which were blue. “I have to admit, I didn’t think you had it in you Spock. I’ve never seen Bones so absolutely flustered at one of your remarks. I’m gonna change and then put on Sunblock. And then we’ll see if I turn into a lobster.”

Bones just grumbled and buried his face into Spock’s shoulder. “I am never going to live this down. Spock. He’s gonna hold that over me forever.”

“That is illogical, ashayam. He cannot hold it over you forever, neither of you will live long enough. And I am certain the sun will decide whether or not Jim will apologize later.” Spock responded, running his fingers through Leonard’s hair. “Why don’t you grab a book? I shall obtain a spot for us to sit in the shade by the pool.”

“See if you can find a hammock. I am cashing in on those cuddles.” He countered, straightening some to search for a book of medical journals. “I’ll make sure Jim brings sunscreen.”

“I can grab the sunscreen myself. And I even put some on thank you very much” As proof of that, there was a sunscreen blob on the side of his nose and under his ears.

Spock just crossed the room to Jim and gently rubbed it in some. “Evidently, not well enough. You appear to have missed some, vaksurik.” Catching the sun screen from behind Jim’s ears and then moving it to the back of the blonde’s neck. “There. Problem solved.”

The blue eyes of the captain were just so full of love and joy, it matched his grin. “Thanks, Spock. Now lets go to the pool!” Jim was about to leave with Spock before he was stopped by the voice of Leonard McCoy.

“You’re forgetting a towel, Jim.” Bones countered, throwing one at the captain as he walked up to the door that Spock decided to exit through. “And bring more sunblock. We’ll be out there long enough for the sun to give you second degree burns. Or did you forget the sunburn you got on Risa?”

With a sigh, Jim grabbed the beach bag and put the towel in it. “Sunblock and a towel. Now can we go, darling? Or is Spock going to be in a hammock all on his own?” In a response, Bones just grabbed Jim’s hand and they trekked down to the pool.

Bones found the hammock Spock was already reading in and then managed to climb on without knocking either of them to the ground. Jim was obnoxious and managed to splash them both when he got into the pool. Bones glared enough for both of them from the comfort of Spock’s arm around him.

Three hours into the time by the pool, Spock got half way through his pre-Surak-reform poetry and Jim was glaring at Bones as he applied his third layer of Sunscreen that day, “Look Len, I’m putting Sunscreen on.”

“I’m so proud, Jim,” Bones responded as he turned the page in his book, glancing up from his book. “You missed the small of your back. Its looking a little pink.”

“Why don’t you get off of the hammock to correct that then?”

“And risk getting wet? Not a chance.” Bones countered, snuggling into Spock more. “You said you were going to stop yourself from turning into a lobster. Not me. I’m reading with Spock.”

The dramatic sigh was answer enough to what Jim was thinking as he attempted (and failed) to get his lower back. “I hate you both.”

“Ashau nash-veh tu,” Spock countered as he turned the page, not looking up from his book.

“What Spock said was, I love you. And I love you too, Jim. I have aloe at the room for you, lobster boy.” Len answered with a giant smirk on his face.

Jim grumbled again and sank into the water after reapplying sunblock. Not that it was going to do much good.

By the end of the day, back at the room, Leonard spent five minutes putting aloe everywhere on Jim’s back. “Stop squirming, Jim. This will go a lot faster if you would hold still.”

“It hurts, Len… spock make him stop!” Jim whined as Len attempted to rub the aloe into Jim’s back.

“Jim, the aloe will help you recover without your skin peeling. Hold still. The pain will cease.” Spock answered gently, placing a kiss on the top of very blonde hair before setting up the documentary. “And you were the one who made the challenge.”

Jim just groaned a little bit. “I did my best… YEESH BONES!!” The worst of the sunburn was on the small of his back.

“All done. There.” Bones placed a kiss on his cheek. “Shouting was unnecessary and you were kinda asking for it. Lobster boy.”

Jim sighed a little before flopping onto the couch. Spock smiled and sat on Jim’s left, being mindful of the sunburn. And Leonard sat on Spock’s left, leaning against him. “I would say, aside from Jim’s sunburn, the day was satisfactory… I now see why you two insist on shore leave. It is most entertaining and I enjoy the time with both of you.”

“Yeah. And without fail, Jim gets a sunburn on his back. Though this time it wasn’t half as bad.” Len countered. “But tomorrow, we go to the beach. And Lobster boy gets to wear a swim shirt.”

“Bones, have mercy on me please- those things itch so much and it will be killer on my back!” Jim countered, looking absolutely horrified.

“Should’ve thought of that before the pool then, huh.”

Spock just laughed very softly. “Indeed he should’ve. But for now, I believe Jim’s back is safe and there is a documentary on. After all, I was permitted to pick the day’s activities.”

“And you did a fantastic job, Spock.” Both humans placed a kiss on the half-vulcan’s cheeks. Bones settling for a vulcan kiss as he snuggled into Spock to watch the documentary, “It was a perfect day.”

“I am glad you approve Doctor.” Spock answered with a gentle smile.

“Well, I did order the shore leave after all. I would hope that I approve.”

#Star Trek #McSpirk #bones mccoy #leonard mccoy #s'chn t'gai spock #spock #james tiberius kirk #james t kirk #jim kirk #shore leave

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october31st1981 · 7 years

Text

Send Nude Pics of Your Heart to Me

James Potter to Mrs. Wife: lily can we have another baby?

Lily Potter to Wears Socks to Bed: R u going to text me that every time Harry does something cute?

James Potter: yes

Lily Potter: U know if we got one every time u asked we’d have like 35 babies by now??

James Potter: i’d be okay with that

James Potter: they might give us our own tv programme

James Potter: lil and jim and their kin

Lily Potter: Ur right what’s the point of having children if not to pimp them out for reality television

Sirius Black to Babe: u know it’s extremely rude to fuck in the house while ur babysitter is downstairs watching ur kid

James Potter to Hot Stuff: i don’t pay u to complain

Sirius Black: u are literally not paying me

Sirius Black: i am doing this out of love for this little banshee

James Potter: we made u godfather. and u can have dibs if i knock lily up 2nite

Sirius Black: fine but at least play some music or smth christ what are u doing to her?????

Lily Potter to The Other Woman: Quit texting James while we’re fucking

Lily Potter: Tho he is surprisingly good at multitasking

Sirius Black to Sugar Tits: only if u make him call u daddy

Lily Potter: Deal

James Potter to James Has A Daddy Kink: lupin will you look after harry next weekend? sirius is permanently banned from babysitting

Sirius Black: Still godfather m8

James Potter: not anymore remus is godfather now

Peter Pettigrew: am i not on the list??

James Potter: you will get on the list once u stop screaming every time he poos

Peter Pettigrew: fair enough

Remus Lupin: Can I be godfather when Harry’s like ten? Babies are terrifying

Sirius Black: i will not stand for this betrayal

Sirius Black changed the chat name to James Wanked To McGonagall For All Of Year 9.

Peter Pettigrew: pretty sure it was longer than year 9 👀👀👀👀

James Potter: it’s not embarrassing if ur not ashamed

Remus Lupin: If you’re gonna text me at work at least leave my colleagues’ names out of the group chat

Peter Pettigrew: should u b texting while ur teaching?

Remus Lupin: The kids are using their phones to film for a presentation it’s fine probably

Sirius Black: see potter? he’s already showing he’s bad w/ kids he’s gonna let harry on the internet unsupervised

James Potter: harry is 1

Sirius Black: ur never too young 2 start developing abandonment issues

Remus Lupin changed the chat name to Sirius Wanked to Yugioh in Sixth Form.

Sirius Black: listen here u little shit

James Potter to Ginger Spice: lily look!!!

Lily Potter to Daddy’s Girl: U have sent me 12 pictures of Harry dressed as a penguin in the past 2 minutes

Lily Potter: (((And I have loved every single 1 of them our baby is the cutest?!?!)))

James Potter: i fucking know right

James Potter: legitimately he’s better than other babies

Lily Potter: Our baby could take the Longbottoms baby in a fight

James Potter: our baby could take DUMBLEDORE in a fight

Lily Potter: I mean ur right but

Lily Potter: In what situation would our son be fighting the headmaster of our secondary school

James Potter: idk but he’d fuckin wreck him have u seen how hard he pulls on hair he’d rip that beard right the fuck off

Lily Potter: Tru

Remus Lupin to Jimbo: How did you get i’m a furry to autocorrect to i’m a furry

Remus Lupin: DAMN IT I MEAN I’M A FURRY

James Potter to Dances with Wolves: we’ve all known for a long time remus i’m not here to judge u

Remus Lupin: I’M NOT A FURRY

Remus Lupin: I’M A FURRY

James Potter: u seem to be experiencing some conflicting emotions

Remus Lupin: I’m trying to say I’M S I C K

James Potter: of hiding ur true nature as a furry? we’re sick of ur denial as well mate

Remus Lupin: You are officially disowned

James Potter: ur not my real dad

Peter Pettigrew to Remus is a Furry: so are u like a brony or do u dress up as a wolf and sniff people?

James Potter: the 2nd one definitely

Sirius Black: idk man i think i saw him eyeing one of harry’s picture books the other day

Sirius Black: does red riding hood get u going

Petter Pettigrew: lmao

Remus Lupin: Potter I’m gonna murder you

James Potter: just try it my son will avenge me

Sirius Black: oooooo he’s got u remus what r u gonna do fight a baby

Remus Lupin: I will explain to Harry about how his father was a bellend and he will take my side

James Potter: lies. harry will never doubt my honour. just the other day peter sneezed on me and harry bit him

Peter Pettigrew: thought he bit me bc hes teething?

James Potter: irrelevant

James Potter to Never Furget: remus did u change all my profile pics to screencaps from bambi

Remus Lupin to Jimmy Neutron: Why do you ask?

James Potter: bc everyone is commenting on them but i can’t see them or take them down what did u do

Remus Lupin: Maybe the universe did this to you James

Remus Lupin: The world is trying to tell you who the real furry here is

Remus Lupin to Jimothy: Did you buy me a fucking bunny?

James Potter to Froot Lupes: remus i know ur new to pet ownership but bunnies aren’t for fucking

Remus Lupin: James. Why did someone deliver a rabbit to my house

James Potter: i thought u could use some company

James Potter: since ur both

Remus Lupin: DO NOT

James Potter: furry

Remus Lupin: I’m moving to Australia

Remus Lupin to James is Not One of Us: Just because I’m keeping the bunny doesn’t mean you’re forgiven

Remus Lupin: It’s for the children. My students have fallen in love with it

Sirius Black: sure ““““ur students””” fell in love with it

Sirius Black: speaking of children who r u gonna turn to now potter

Sirius Black: if i’m banned from babysitting and u and remus r on the outs

James Potter: pete’s still here

Peter Pettigrew: yeah im still here

Sirius Black: peter tell me how you change a nappy without looking at wikihow

Peter Pettigrew: um

James Potter: our house has wifi?

Lily Potter to Bambi: Peter Pettigrew is not babysitting for us ever again

Lily Potter: He flushed a disposable nappy today

Lily Potter: Naked Sunday is canceled

James Potter to Faline: but it’s the day of our lord lily

James Potter to Boyz II Men: congratulations sirius ur hereby reinstated as godfather

Sirius Black: good bc i’m thinking of getting a sidecar for my motorbike

James Potter: harry is not allowed on ur motorbike until he is at least 9

Remus Lupin: I think you’re forgetting how Harry got home from the hospital

James Potter: fine. harry is allowed if both lily and i are also on it

Peter Pettigrew: #parenting

Peter Pettigrew: i got fired today btw

James Potter: what? why???

Sirius Black: what did u do

Remus Lupin: Are you alright?

Peter Pettigrew: im fine

Peter Pettigrew: director was just looking for “something else”

Sirius Black: that’s shit

James Potter: sorry pete

Remus Lupin: Is there anything we can do to help?

Peter Pettigrew: idk maybe we could just hang out and talk?

James Potter: sure we can do that

Sirius Black: i’m not good w/ emotional intimacy

Sirius Black: how do u feel abt alcohol?

James Potter to Meri Jaan: i msis u

James Potter: ur os pretty

Lily Potter to You Are My Soniya: It’s 2am love

James Potter: i kno btu thsi is v importnat

Lily Potter: What is it?

James Potter: i lvoe sirius

Lily Potter: Unbelievable

James Potter: and u!!11111

James Potter: also im srory if i pee on hte rose bsushes a gain

Sirius Black to Blossom Powerpuff: just so u know we’ve taken james’s phone from him

Sirius Black: but he says i’ve gotta tell u that ur his favourite wife

Lily Potter to Mojo Jojo: I’m his only wife

Sirius Black: james says ‘irrelevant’

James Potter to Heart Eyes: love u’ve gotta stop sexting me while i’m w/ clients

Lily Potter to Poop Emoji: Why’s that?

James Potter: i’m developing some kind of pavlovian response

James Potter: every time i look at a surrealist painting i get an erection

Lily Potter: Paint me like one of ur french abstractions from reality

James Potter: sex fiend

Lily Potter: U love it

Remus Lupin to Lil Wayne: You and James need to stop have things delivered to my house

Remus Lupin: I promise you I can feed myself without a 15 year old dropping off a week’s worth of groceries

Lily Potter to R. Kelly: Bread and chocolate is not a diet Remus

Remus Lupin: It has kept me alive this long

Lily Potter: Ur lucky we don’t have u move in. James says ur too skinny these days

Remus Lupin: James is built like a broomstick

Lily Potter: ...

Lily Potter: I want to defend him bc he is my husband but.... u right

Remus Lupin: Then will you stop trying to parent me

Lily Potter: Don’t talk back to ur mother Lupin

James Potter to The Lady from the Bee Movie: evans r u wearing my jeans again

Lily Potter to Jerry Seinfield: No

James Potter: ur having a picnic with bathilda in her garden and harry and i are in our sitting room w/ the curtains open i can literally see u

Lily Potter: Maybe these are mine

James Potter: i’m almost a foot taller than u and ur jeans r not that long

Lily Potter: If they r ur jeans what are you going to do about it

James Potter: ur gonna catch these hands

James Potter: in ur own bc i love u

James Potter: but i still want my jeans back

Lily Potter: I want my pre-baby figure back m8

James Potter: touché

Sirius Black to Cars 2: pete how would u feel abt modeling

Peter Pettigrew to The Lion King: funny

Peter Pettigrew: hard to get an acting job thats not typecast

Sirius Black: i’m srs

Sirius Black: i mean. u know what i mean

Peter Petitgrew: modelings fine. i’ve done some hand stuff

Sirius Black: sometimes when reg can’t make a job his agency will offer it to me

Sirius Black: and i told them i wouldn’t do it unless i could bring a friend

Peter Pettigrew: thanks... u didnt have to do that

Sirius Black: don’t make it weird peter just take the job

Sirius Black to Peter Does Hand Stuff: i’m handsome right

Sirius Black: like i am good looking

James Potter: tru

Remus Lupin: yeah

Sirius Black: then how did i get kicked off a photoshoot so they could take more pictures of pettigrew

Peter Pettigrew: dorcas said it was bc ur face is too unnatural

Peter Pettigrew: no one looks like that in real life

Sirius Black: i look like this in real life!!!

Peter Pettigrew: anyway dorcas told me they want me to be the face of the whole campaign which is cool

James Potter: that’s fantastic pete!!

Remus Lupin: Congrats Peter!

Sirius Black: i can’t believe u would sell me out

Peter Pettigrew: were all just trying to survive capitalism sirius

Sirius Black: so money is worth more than our friendship

James Potter: sirius u don’t even like modelling

Remus Lupin: Also you don’t need the money, you’ve got your inheritance and your radio work

Sirius Black: i like to know who has a price they can be bought for

Sirius Black: in case one of us ends up murdered

James Potter: walburga really fucked u up huh

Lily Potter to Put A Ring On It: R u on your way home?

James Potter to Crazy In Love: on the tube

James Potter: did u want takeaway again? bc i kno the chinese made u sick the other night so maybe i can just get u soup?

Lily Potter: No I’m fine I just wanted to know when you were coming back

Lily Potter: I have news

James Potter: tell me. the man beside me is cutting his hair and it’s getting on my trousers. i could do with good news

Lily Potter: I’ll tell u when ur home

James Potter: evans u can’t just dangle news in front of me like that and then take it away i demand answers

Lily Potter: It’s in-person news

James Potter: r we getting divorced? is this bc i said prefer 7/11 to formation

Lily Potter: That is definitely grounds for divorce but no

James Potter: lily ur worrying me. is everything ok???

James Potter: i’m gonna call

James Potter: i’m losing service hold on

Lily Potter: James we’re going to have another baby

James Potter: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

James Potter: i love you. i can’t hold u yet so i’m gonna hug the haircut man

Lily Potter: <3 <3 <3

James Potter: i may have just told him we’d name our baby after him how do u feel abt the name christobal

Lily Potter: Hard pass

James Potter: u said that abt me once and now i’ve impregnated u twice so i’m gonna tell him maybe

Lily Potter changed the chat name to Sirius Has Dibs.

Sirius Black: r u hitting on me evans

Sirius Black: u do realize ur husband is also on this chat. i mean i’m up for a menage a potter but what will we tell harry

Peter Pettigrew: james’s parents like adopted u this is definitely some kind of incest

Sirius Black: “Definitely Some Kind of Incest” is the black family motto

Remus Lupin: Tbh I’m surprised you don’t have a tail

Sirius Black: how do u kno that i don’t u don’t kno my life

Lily Potter: It’s good 2 know our children will have positive role models

James Potter: it’s too late for harry we’ll just have to get better friends with this one

Peter Pettigrew: ????????

Sirius Black: ur not

Sirius Black: U ARE

Remus Lupin: Congratulations?!

Sirius Black: UR HAVING A FETUS

Peter Pettigrew: BLIMEY CONGRATS

Remus Lupin: Wasn’t Harry born literally yesterday? You guys are like rabbits

Sirius Black: i can’t believe evans is ““in trouble”” again this is wild i bet it’s bc euphemia used all those metaphors while giving u the sex talk

James Potter: papa don’t preach

Sirius Black: i love it when u call me papa

Sirius Black: wait do i have dibs bc of.... u guys r disgusting

Lily Potter: Does that mean u don’t want dibs?

Sirius Black: NO I HAVE DIBS ON ALL POTTER CHILDREN NOW AND FOREVER THEY’RE GONNA BE MY ARMY TO FIGHT REMUS’S SECONDARY SCHOOL KIDS

Remus Lupin: I can’t in good conscience send eleven-year-olds to war but on the other hand you’re on

Peter Pettigrew: £5 on the fetus

Lily Potter: £1000 on the fetus Potter Progeny United

James Potter: this is why i married u

#james potter #lily evans #jily #jily*#marauders #mine #the title is from tgp #happy birthday james!!!#my life is in shambles and so is this fic lmao

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