#darvo

[liberalsarecool]

Abusers have a hard time seeing abuse. They would rather see themselves as the victim.

John Roberts is using DARVO rationale.

Yet another example of Republican misogyny and institutional sexism.

#scotus #corruption #darvo

[furiousgoldfish]

When abusers pretend you actually control their actions during the abuse it's almost laughable, you're doing this because of something I did? Really? I control you? I decide what you do? In that case get down on your knees apologize for what you did to me. Cry and beg for forgiveness and spend next 10 years repenting for your crimes. No? You won't? Then maybe I don't control what you do. If I did I know what I would be making you do.

No victim ever controlled what their abuser did to them. If they did, they would have stopped the abuse before it even started. No abuser abuses because of something the victim did. They do it out of their own volition, nobody forces them. The victims have zero responsibility for any act of abuse towards them. No victim deserved it. No victim wanted it. No victim was in control. Abusers take control both of themselves and the victim, then blame the victims for the crimes against them. Do not buy into their lies.

#victim blaming #shifting blame on victims #abusers #psychological abuse #darvo #victim shaming #pretending victims can control abusers

[odinsblog]

Yes, you are the asshole

#aita #ablism #misogyny #reddit #ableism #incels #darvo #domestic abuse

[lilacsupernova]

Lesbian feminist Julie Bindel being attacked by a bearded man in June 2019 would, under normal circumstances, have been seen as an occurrence of men's violence against women, as well as a hate crime against homosexuals. Yet when the attacker claimed that he was a woman, this analysis was entirely nullified. The attacker turned out to be a rabid Twitterer, who on top of all things called himself Cathy Brennan after a famous feminist. Progressive commentators came out in support of the perpetrator and claimed that Bindel was the actual perpetrator of violence due to her views. What we see here is a symbolic reversal, eerily similar to that which occurs in abusive relationships, where the perpetrator assumes the role of victim. This generally referred to as DARVO: Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender. Men assuming the role of women and then perpetuating violence against women is an extremely advanced form of gaslighting which presumably has very little to do with wanting to be trans or a woman. What we are dealing with is a neo-patriarchal political movement whose purpose is to silence and intimidate women. By sporting a beard and behaving violently, “Brennan” sends clear signals to women that he is a dominant male, while simultaneously claiming that he is oppressed both as a woman and as a trans woman and thus deserves sympathy. But both personas in the same body are not possible: a bearded biological man who does not pass as a woman cannot be treated like, nor oppressed like, a woman by society nor be the object of transphobia. Claiming otherwise is an advanced form of manipulation, in which both the role of the oppressor and the oppressed are occupied by “Brennan” himself, leaving the woman without a position. The underlying message is all too familiar: the woman spoke, and thus provoked the man to hit. Indeed, it is possible to analyse the violence and boycott campaigns around “terf”-accusations as patriarchy entering into DARVO-mode. While the patriarch of old would proudly state that he is the one in charge and no disobedience is tolerated, the trans-era brotherhood achieves the same by claiming victim status, and declaring that any female who disobeys us in fact dictator.

– Kajsa Ekis Ekman (2023) On the Meaning of Sex: Thoughts on the New Definition of Woman, pp. 290-1.

#kajsa ekis ekman #on the meaning of sex #feminism #radical feminism #julie bindel #darvo #male violence #trans #lilac posts

[anthroxlove]

“With all of this new information backed by expert opinion, the tide has started to turn on Johnny Depp. People began to question their initial reaction to the trial and the multi million dollar smear campaign against Amber Heard. Social media users are beginning to apologise to Amber Heard.

It is now a year since the trial started and although support for Amber Heard is growing, something else is happening too. People are beginning to see how abusers are able to manipulate the legal system to further abuse their victims. In the case of Depp v Heard, people are seeing how he also manipulated online media to sway opinion.“

#amber heard #i stand with amber heard #anti johnny depp #smear campaign #darvo

[werelektro]

So...

1999 Darvo and Clem.

That's all.

A Corpus who's a chronic Liar and a defective Grineer. What could go wrong.

Darvo's smoking habit is somewhat canon. Not that anyone minus me cares, but in 2013 ""Darvo"" had his own Twitter account run by De. (WERElektro remembers o.o) .. mentioned smoking a pipe a few times. It doesn't really matter, I just think it's funny. Hence "somewhat canon"... and not really.

But I think it would fit with his character quite well.

*obligatory reminder that smoking is bad. It's not something Darvo would give a damn about tho.

What does Clem say in 1999 instead of "Grakata"? That's so obviously not Grakatas. The Mps are based off on the protocol Tekna pistol skin btw.

Twitter really liked this.... and I am 100% that's only thanks to slav Clem. Lol...

#warframe #darvo #warframe clem #clem #fanart #tennocreate #artists on tumblr #my art #darvo bek #90s #1999

[breathetoseethetruth]

Icon for centuries!

#amber heard #justice for amber heard #i stand with amber heard #one of few living celebs I can still stand #feminism #global feminism #darvo #me too #me too movement

[traumatizedjaguar]

Are you that type of trauma victim that just has one abusive relationship or friendship or peer interaction after another and after another and after another?

#my text #actually traumatized #actually cptsd #actually abused #actually traumatised #actually bullied #actuallyabused #actuallymentallyill #actually mentally ill #actuallytraumatized #emotional abuse #actuallybullied #darvo #deny #attack #reverse #victim and offender role

[dreamytfw]

idk I have a lot of complicated feelings about the new James Somerton development that I don't fully know how to articulate. Like, strong enough emotions that they make me feel nauseous, I'm getting sort of flashback-y feelings of when similar shit was done to me, and this whole thing may have potentially triggered a bad migraine (that one might be on the weather. Unsure since stress and certain weather conditions are both migraine triggers for me).

All I know is that this isn't HBomb's or Kat's fault and it's really fucked up that he's basically doing a DARVO no matter how you slice it.

#james somerton #hbomberguy #emotional abuse #cw emotional abuse #suicide #cw suicide #DARVO #hbomb #Hbomberguy #Producer Kat #idk how else to tag her #also shout out to her for doing everything she can to get a wellness check done on James #rambles #op #venting #vent post

[dagothcares]

My girlfriend recently started playing warframe and she really enjoys the duviri experience part of the game, but she does not want to do the main quest as she thinks it is too long. She is at the part of the game, where the merchant Darvo is in jail and she needs to bust him out but she simply refuses.

My man Darvo is in jail and she is like "maybe he is there for a reason."

#warframe #tutorial #darvo

[liberalsarecool]

Oppressors want you to think they are the victim.

#DARVO

[furiousgoldfish]

Abusers will not only insist they didn't now when they hurt you, they'll actively resist any information that would lead them into finding out.

You give any sign of pain they're attacking you from 10 different angles, blaming everything in sight (mostly you) and then when you tell them directly that they hurt you, they're suddenly allergic to information lalala I couldn't have known, why didn't you say anything. But you did and it's still 'I'm innocent I knew nothing I still don't know and next time I do it I will still not know what I'm doing, no information gained here. You also hurt me that one time and I'm about to attack you for that right now to distract you'.

And when this happens they either expect us to fold under pressure and give them a suspension of disbelief and make ourselves believe that they're just to unbelievably stupid, or they're insulting our intelligence, laughing at us because they think we're stupid. They know exactly what they did, and it if happened to them, there would be no end to the hell they'd raise about it.

#feigning stupidity #abusers #darvo #emotional gaslighting #psychological abuse #emotional abuse #annoying #liars

[odinsblog]

White people live in an alternate reality where it’s Black people who have all the advantages, despite all evidence to the contrary; where it takes only one exception to the rule—like Barack Obama getting elected, or a handful of Black people getting admitted into an overwhelmingly historically white university—to somehow “prove” that whites are disadvantaged, not Black people.

Men inhabit a similar alternate reality, where it’s women who have all the advantages, again, despite all evidence to the contrary. In this world, it’s men who are the victims of the justice system, because a statistically insignificant percent of women won cases against their abusers.

American Christians also lie and try to convince themselves that people of belonging to religious minorities somehow wield power over them…

Famous comedians and wealthy people with enormous platforms cry about how their (hate/racist/sexist/homophobic/transphobic/antisemitic/Islamophobic/etc) speech is supposedly being cancelled,…

Larger more powerful countries invade smaller countries, then turn right around and blame the aggression on the smaller sovereign nations they invaded…

We could carry this on with Lgbtq people and many other marginalized minorities, but the truth is, oppressors playing the role of the victim is one of the oldest, biggest, most reliable forms of ɟlᴉddᴉuƃ ʇɥǝ sɔɹᴉdʇ.

Throughout history, one of the most reliable ways the powerful impose their will on the powerless has been by pretending that their “freedoms” are being curbed, when nothing could be further from the truth. “Accuse them of what you are guilty of doing” is, unfortunately, a tried and true method of disempowering the downtrodden.

#politics #reverse racism #privilege #victim blaming #projection #darvo #megan thee stallion #tory lanez #flipping the script #victim envy #racism #antisemitism #misogyny #islamophobia

[secretgamergirl]

A Refresher on the Whos and Hows of Harassment Campaigns

The other day someone said something that reminded me of a particularly good work from a friend of mine, so I said "hey, you might like this," and was met with, roughly, "that does sound good, but ooh, I recommend that name, I don't want to support that person at all." Now, perhaps you'd think I'd be taken aback by this, and curious why the person I was talking to had such a huge problem with my friend, but I knew exactly why.

The friend in question has been the target of a massive life-ruining harassment campaign for something like 15 years, primarily rooted, as these things always seem to be, in DARVO tactics. That's an acronym for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. Or put more plainly, painting the target as an evil monster who needs to be stopped. But there's a difference in knowing that this is ubiquitous for victims of harassment campaigns, and KNOWING how it works.

I don't want to say anything identifying about any of the many friends I know in this situation, so forgive the vague details, but let me walk through the major points of one of the clearest cases I've seen so you can hopefully learn to spot this crap.

Years ago, someone I knew messaged me out of the blue to alert me that A Bad Person had responded to some social media post of mine, which was just a perfectly nice pleasant little response. This was the first sign that this was not, in fact, A Bad Person, but a DARVO victim. The first rule to completely destroying someone's life is really aggressively cutting off any possible support network they might have, and making sure either through personal actions or more often establishing some weird sort of perceived norm that all good people need to be mindful of these things, one way to do that is jump in there anytime the target is being introduced to new people they could maybe become friends with.

Personally, I'm not inclined to avoid people just because someone tells me I should, even if it's someone I know and trust, and I encourage this as a value to others. Being an evidence demanding sort though, I was shortly presented with Some Evidence. This is another general truism with DARVO campaigns. Everyone pursuing them tends to have ready access to Some Evidence in the form of a link to, in most situations, like a 30-100 page long blog post, filled with links, images, and detailed date stamps presenting someone as an evil monster. And here again, my personal and professional experience with this has lead me to the possibly surprising conclusion that when someone shoves a link like this in your face, you can just go right ahead and assume the subject of it is the innocent victim of a hate campaign.

First of all, when someone is ACTUALLY a monster, it takes basically no evidence to prove it. Like, take J.K. Rowling. She's one of the most horrifically evil people on the planet. Hates trans people. Wants to see us all dead. She'd rather not have that as her public image, so she'll loudly object to any accusations along those lines and insist she's all puppies and rainbows, but in spite of that, she can't go more than like 10 minutes without an unhinged rant about how much she hates trans people. Like, she'll do it in written defenses against how she does that. You can glance at her social media pages and see just outright clear cut hate speech, or how she follows an astounding number of out and proud fascists. You can look at any news coverage she's tangentially involved in. Life is not a detective novel or a cheesy thriller where evil people manage to keep it completely hidden from everyone except one brave reporter.

So part of he deal with Some Evidence is relying on the reader being familiar with this sort of big info dump as really important in fiction and subconsciously viewing it through that same lens. The substance of Some Evidence is generally irrelevant. A Bad Person, you see, is guilty of a Crime! Whoever put together this very very very long blog post has clearly gone to a Herculean effort to expose this. They have a detailed timeline, they have all these links and screenshots to forum posts. They've hunted down every single user name A Bad Person may have ever used, and provided documentation to prove it all! Look how many links they have! How many bullet points! Look how passionate they are about the seriousness of this matter, and how terrible a thing this Crime is!

And the weirdly insidious thing about this is it isn't just about spamming you with so much text you aren't going to actually bother reading it. What they're hoping is that you DO read all of it, and in the process of doing so, you get so swept up in the narrative they're presenting that you internalize the fact that whatever Crime they're accusing this person of is exactly as evil and terrible a thing as their breathless recounting is portraying it to be, when in reality, I'm having a damn hard time thinking of any time I've seen one of these where the Crime is... anything really. You'd think if someone was going to accuse someone of a crime they didn't commit and make a big deal over it, they'd pick one of the real big ones like murder or defrauding a charity or terrorist bombings or something, but no. Real serious stuff is way easier to prove didn't happen if anyone cared, so the go-to strategy is to make a mountain out of a molehill so small that skeptical types won't even bother checking if it even happened, but make such a stink about it that the people who get suckered in still treat it as the most serious of things.

Actual examples of the Crimes I've seen in this sort of thing, off the top of my head: Sleeping with several men, just you know, at some point or other. Disliking A Good Person. Having once spoken to A Bad Person, or just being vaguely associated with them in some vague way. Criticizing a work of fiction over how it handled a subject (bad trans rep, colonialist values, weird depiction of another culture, whatever), drawing fan art or writing fan fiction where someone is off-model or not in character or, anything at all romantic or sexy happens, dressing up in a goofy costume, and standing near A Good Person in a photo who clearly wouldn't want to be seen anywhere near A Bad Person (and yes that last one DOES involve more circular logic than usual). Some of the most effective campaigns I've seen have had Crimes that go past not being any sort of offense to anyone from a rational perspective but are outright good things for someone to be doing. Spin is a hell of a drug.

It should also be noted that while Some Evidence generally puts a huge emphasis on noting the exact dates when the Crime and various other data points occurred and how great and terrible an offense this was to The Real Victim In All This, you basically never hear about this from someone who has even the most tenuous connection to The Real Victim In All This, and it tends to be presented as breaking news, even when Some Evidence pretty clearly points out that if the Crime even happened at all, it did so anywhere between 1-20 years ago. I don't know that I've ever seen one of these campaigns even get started over something in recent memory. Picking or inventing something far enough in the past that nobody who was allegedly there is going to have really clear memories one way or the other is ideal for the key point of making it both difficult and a low priority to actually get a first hand account of the Crime from anyone.

Also I really have to stress that this sort of thing doesn't tend to all come down to one crank with a grudge personally pushing the whole hate campaign. The goal is to execute all this in such a way that the overwhelming majority of harassment, isolation, and reputation tarnishing isn't done by whoever set it all into motion, but by well-intentioned rubes who get swept up enough in the narrative not to question any of it. They don't know the first thing about the target here, but they're going to go around saying things like "I had no idea this person was A Bad Person until someone sent me this link. They stopped me from maybe getting involved with someone really scary, so now I'm just paying that forward as much as I can by warning other people."

So hopefully if I'm succeeding here in getting you to think critically about this sort of thing, you're maybe thinking hey, if the random accusations people write these novel-length blog posts about generally boil down to the sort of stupid crap that'd maybe get a person banned from the cool kids' table in high school rather than anything that would actually spurn efforts to completely destroy a person's life, what's the real reason they do this crap? Well, sometimes, it's just going to be some completely irrational thing like deciding someone represents a vague threat to the orchestrator or someone they're weirdly stalking, or good old fashioned bigotry, but I think honestly the number one true motivation for this sort of thing might be that whole bit about isolating victims from any possible support network.

Stripping away support networks is, if I recall, literally the first thing suggested by the abuser's handbook. It's an actual guide, I have a copy of it that was getting shared around to help nazis coordinate back in 2014, but I... don't want to actually double check the ordering of bullet points. It's important though. If you want to end the life of Susie, you need to make sure Susie is completely alone, with nobody to turn to for aid or even just basic emotional support. And so if you notice that Robyn is out there defending Susie from your mass harassment campaign, and every effort you've made to drive a wedge between them or intimidate Robyn out of defending Susie, that means Robyn's gotta go. Time to write a new novel-length blog post, get as much of the world as you can convinced that Robyn is a monster. Hell, it's even worth it to try and convince Susie.

A weird little quirk that results from this is that honestly some of the most horrible, longest lasting attacks of this nature I've seen have been against people who otherwise seem like they'd be impervious to this sort of hate-mobbing, but they make an active point of standing up for trans people. Now like, obviously, I know a truckload of trans people literally driven out of public life by this crap because the average person is just entirely too willing to accept that any given one of us is some sort of evil shapeshifter if given the slightest push, and we'd probably be more prominent examples if we didn't just kinda get disappeared, but yeah if you're cis and it's known in the right circles that you've used your platform to give me a shout-out or treated me to dinner odds are pretty good you're in the top 10 of people I personally know that people have been trying to bring down with total BS for the past decade or so, and you know, we see you, we support you, thanks for fighting that good fight.

If this has all been a bit much to read, here's the short version. Do not ever go around talking crap about someone you don't know just because someone told you they suck. I don't care how much you trust the person you're hearing it from. I don't care if they show you Some Evidence that it'd take you three days to read through. If you can't (or don't want to bother to) look them up directly, on your own, and see them doing evil crap out in public, leave them the hell alone. Don't go spreading rumors. Don't say you've "heard some things." There are no acceptable casualties in this. Be 100% sure or mind your own damn business. ACAB still applies when it's self-appointed community policing. Oh and it should go without saying that obviously this doesn't apply to stuff like a friend telling you they're in an abusive relationship or they've been assaulted or whatever. I'm talking about crap like warning people not to read books or watch reviews or whatever from people you have no personal connection to here.

And of course here's the point where I remind you that I have been out of work for years and have had to change my name and address multiple times to avoid being freaking murdered thanks to the sort of campaigns I'm talking about here, and it would really do a lot to help me continue being alive if anyone felt like maybe heading over to my patreon and throwing some cash my way.

#darvo #whisper campaigns #harassment #abuse #isolation #anti harassment

[orowyrm]

actually i do just kinda wanna post this on its own instead of in a reblog. it’s been actual years since i’ve posted about my “darvo and maroo are siblings who haven’t seen eachother in decades and don’t really know how to go about reconnecting” hc but it’s still so very near and dear to my heart. when in doubt bully your brother <3 this will always work and i have never lied

#the more i think about them the more they remind me of me and my sister. very normal about it all #myart #warframe #darvo #maroo #darvo bek #maroo warframe #it’s been a million billion years since i’ve drawn my maroo design 😭 i miss her

[melblogsgfreethruptsd]

#toxic parents #emotional abuse #narcissism #aftermath #scapegoating #black sheep #blaming #deflection #darvo #estranged #no contact #maternal narcissism