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dia-smthidk · 28 days

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urghh hate when the scars itch

like ik this is what doin stupid stuff results in & that they’re just healin, but you’re temptin me to make em accidentally bleed more 🤧

#tw sh implied #tw vent ish #dia shitpost?

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diardri · 4 months

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To commemorate Valentione being once again upon us, I've made some valentine's cards from your favourite tanks

#dia does a shitpost #ffxiv #ff14 #final fantasy xiv #final fantasy 14 #final fantasy #thancred waters #ardbert hylfyst #meteor survivor #fray miste #valentione #valentine's cards

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solomiracle · 4 months

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diavolo: barbatos please just hear me out. just because i bought this giant cage, decorated it with mc's tastes in mind, and dream about them happily living inside of it DOESN'T mean i want to lock them in there forever. i would just invite them in, where they would stay under my full protection for as long as i- i mean they like! and that would mean forever because we love each other!! it's perfect!!! wait no barbatos don't take the key where are you going barbatos stop barbatos please BARBATOS–

#from me #obey me #obey me shitpost #obey me diavolo #diavolo x mc #x mc #chats #dia

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cosmicstarlatte · 6 months

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Can I share this silly scenario that's been rotating in my mind?

So, MC has a sort of signal when they're up for free use in the HoL, they wear a black choker around their neck, and usually wear their hair up so the brothers can see it. So the brothers have kinda been Pavlovian conditioned into getting excited whenever MC has that combination of choker and hair up.

Somehow, Diavolo learns about this. He trolls the brothers by giving MC a fancy choker to wear at the next fancy event at the demon lord's castle. The brothers spend the entire event completely frustrated, and only get more frustrated when Diavolo insists MC spends the night at the castle.

nsfw mdni // mc gets called 'little one' once

AAAAA AAJSGKGKFKDJGH

I LOVE MEAN DIAVOLO YOU DONT UNDERSTAND

You know damn well Diavolo would do some shit like that, I particularly feel he does it most to see Lucifer get riled up; the rest of the brothers are just a bonus to the shenanigans.

Dia would probably point out the beautiful jewelry in front of other guests, even go as far to touch the beautiful choker around your neck, noticing how each of the brothers just grit their teeth. /screaming

The brothers do spend the entire night frustrated, not only have they been conditioned, they now feel like everyone else might jump at you at any second!

That being said, I feel like Mammon would be the one who whines the most, asking you to take it off. </3 😭

Omg at the end of the event you and the brothers are finally excited to go home but Dia stops you, placing a hand on your shoulder.

"MC are you sure you don't want to spend the night?" His hand gives you a small squeeze before lightly massaging your shoulder. "You look like you could use some rest little one. Dont worry Lucifer, I'll take good care of them."

At this point Lucifer isn't even hiding his annoyed face he's just DONE lmaooo

"No, we shouldn't impose on you Lord Diavolo, c'mon MC—" Lucifer takes your hand but you reluctantly hold back.

"Well actually Lucifer I am pretty tired—"

LUCIFER EYES JUST BULGE OUT AHAHAHA (along with the rest of the brothers)

Mammon snaps out of it quick, sweeping you off your feet and going, "Nope. We're going home, cya!"

And Lucifer just smirks and shrugs at Dia, "Looks like we can take care of MC, thank you."

pls this ask was so funny tysm for sharing akskdfkkg

anyway if it were me I'm a hoe and I'd let a few of the brothers hit through out the night anyway, we'd escape for a few minutes when no one's watching 😌

#raise ur hand if you'd wear that collar 25/8 OOOO WEEEE 😩🤚#and I'd smash Dia too ofc bc that's bae fr 🤭#✩ — the star: javert!#obey me #obey me headcanons #obey me smut headcanons #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me crack #obey me shitpost #obey me imagines #obey me smut #◇˖・ﾟ— › cosmic obey me . ⊹#tw free use #cw free use

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ur-dad-satan · 4 months

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Have a few tier lists based on fuck all and delusion

This one is based on how much I think each of the OM characters swear on a regular basis.

This one is based on how east I think it would be to get them in a matching outfit with MC

Fastest to swoon (fold) if MC laid on their lap and smiled up at them for attention.

They're all simps. I love them. Also, Thirteen, Mephisto, and Raph aren't in the last one because I don't know enough about them.

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hakirachan · 9 months

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Obey Me! Incorrect Quotes #5

Diavolo: What are you talking about MC? You love it here!

MC: I'm not sure I do, I think I've just developed Stockholm syndrome.

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warper-in-training · 4 months

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has anyone ever realized just how expensive Akuber is???? a single devilburger or whatever you call it is like 8 grimm then we sell a whole goddamn ice cream for 550 grimms!

whos fault is this???

#For any1 wlndering its in the anime #obey me #obey me mc #obey me nightbringer #obey me memes #obey me shitpost #obey me shall we date #kizhu #om #dia be ruining the whole economy to give mc free money

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totallynotadelusionalarsenalfan · 2 months

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#speaking my truth #degeneracy #i am a feral animal for this man #football #ruben dias #yall needa understand when i say i will do things to him #no speaking just tags #certified shitpost

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glamnessaaumisc · 4 months

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Chapter 3 Shitpost

Based on a thing a friend did when they were streaming Poppy Playtime Chapter 3 on Discord lmfao.

Update 2/1/24: Just realized I fucked up the Spanish on the wall and I'm disappointed in myself. I'm supposed to know better, damn it!

Update 2/6/24: FIXED IT!

#meme #shitpost #poppy playtime #poppy playtime chapter 3 #miss delight #buenos dias mandy

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numberoneasmogirlfriend · 6 months

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How would the brothers react to a Slavic MC that randomly starts speaking their native language?

Mammon, Leviathan would be like "holy shit MC stop with the spells"

And in reality you would be just talking about the weather.

I love poetry, and since it's hard to translate such poems without losing the meaning, I often just explain what the piece is about. I think that Satan and Asmodeus would be the only ones who like to hear me rant about that.

I mean Satan is canonically in love with books so I guess he'd like poetry just as much as me. And Asmo would be just liking the love-ish and erotic topics. Maybe Lucifer also? I guess he likes that classical vibe so we would listen to Chopin as i ramble about a random poet from the nineteenth century. And Diavolo because he likes to know a lot about humans and angels, I guess Simeon would like to listen to me as well. Also I would love to compare the demons humans know from literature, to the ones in devildom. But that's for another post I guess, I already drifted far from the original prompt lol.

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apoorhuman · 1 year

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I would like to imagine that Satan is just a mitski fan, idk it kinda suits him in my opinion...

Satan: *putting sunglasses on* for me, it's just you *pointing and mc* and Japanese American indie pop singer mitski *washing machine heart started playing* put your dirty shoes in my washing machine heart~

Mc: *vibing with Satan*

Mammon: are they... Okay?...

Levi: I don't think so mammon

#this just good #i want to vibe with satan so bad #asmo a lana del rey fan #solomon a queen fan #dia a beyoncé fan #or a shakira dan #i can imagine those celarly #obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me mc #obey me crack #obey me incorrect quotes #obey me satan #obey me shitpost #obey me shenanigans #obey me sheep mc #obey me nb #obey me nonsense #obey me nightbringer

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dia-smthidk · 1 month

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I would shitpost to my heart’s desire if I wasn’t so deathly afraid of some followers here

#not specifying who 💃#dia shitpost?

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assbootycheeks6969 · 3 months

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Old Dia doodles - it was so hard figuring how to do their hair argh sahajksoaowieksmslsls

#hnk #houseki spoilers #houseki no shitpost #land of the lustrous phos #land of the lustrous #lotl fanart #diamond #dia hnk #hnk fanart #land of the lustrous fanart #fanart #doodle

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diadoesart · 11 days

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Another collection of unhinged commissions I've done. These are indefinitely available on my ko-fi where you can find the full list of all previous comms in this style as well.

#commission work #art commissions #silly #fun #shitpost #dnd #ffxiv #dragonborn #goblin #miqo'te #lalafell #wol #warrior of light #fantasy #final fantasy xiv #final fantasy 14 #cw:gun #hammer #dia does art

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cosmicstarlatte · 1 year

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Coconut (Obey Me!)

━━━━━━━━━━ ✦ ━━━━━━━━━━

You got a coconut and need help opening it. You decide to ask your favorite guy. Does he fail or succeed?

»Characters: Demon Bros + Dateables

»Tags: Shitpost, Humor, Mammon's At It Again, Levi Is My Fave

Lucifer:

"Hand it over."

He's heard of coconuts but never seen one up close

Gently tosses it in his hand for a feel

Hmph this will be easy

ItWasNot.png

Had to pull out the old worst cursed magic he could think of

It didn't work

The many cursed tools in the dungeons also didn't work

Sweating angry mess...how's it not open!?

Angrily chucks it through the wall

It knocked out a poor unsuspecting Levi

"I will get you literally anything else you desire that's not that."

Mammon:

"Why's it furry?"

"What do ya mean you're s'pose to eat it?"

He didn't understand why you wanted this thing but he wasn't going to let his human down

Got upset that his attempts did nothing, however he hatched an idea

Got a booth at the carnival

"Pay up and test ya strength! How tough are ya!? HEY YOU! YOU'RE NOT A WIMP ARE YA?"

After hundreds of tries from monsters and demons, the coconut finally split open

He brought it back to you (wearing new bling and all)

"The Great Mammon never disappoints! Also...can ya get me more of 'em?"

Levi:

"Wooaahh a coconut!? I've seen these in so many anime beach episodes!"

The otaku was excited you came to him for help!

He was going to get it open one way or another!

He tried for an hour before sending you off

"I'll come find you when I open it!"

It would be years before he returns

(You lived in the Devildom after the program)

He journeyed through the Devildom in search of knowledge for his quest

He developed surprising friendships, suffered painful losses, but also discovered a new meaning to life

He did eventually find a way to open the coconut

He came back home wizard style

"I bring you that of which you requested"

"Levi no one knew where you went, you were just gone! We were worried!"

"I got your coconut open though! Quest complete!"

He thought the hugs and kisses from you were worth it, the coconut must've meant a lot to you!

I love him so much yall

Satan:

"A coconut? I've only ever read about them. Bring it here."

Gave it a few curious knocks

This will be easy 2.0

Tried to peel it and saw it did nothing

Tried to karate chop it, still nothing

He chuckled and a black aura surrounded him

I see.

He tried punching it and then clawing at it for a while

There is no god, just nothingness

He lost his shit in demon form

His rampage destroyed a chunk of the house

Coconuts are no longer allowed at the House of Lamentation

Like you can't even say the word coconut

Asmo:

"What is that?"

He did not want to touch whatever that thing was

He saw the disappointed look in your face and changed his mind

He tried to break it open in half with his bare hands but it was futile

Why is this thing so tough?

He was not having it, he was going to open your precious coconut!

"MAMMON!"

He could only think of one other way

A grumbling Mammon appeared

"Just stand there a second will you?"

He knocked the coconut against his head (HEY!) and the coconut split open!

It did break one of his manicured nails though but he thought the happiness on your face was worth it

Beel:

"Did you bring more?" (You did)

Was excited to try a human world fruit

Tried to break it in half with his hands

Was surprised when it didn't...but no worries!

He briefly bared his fangs and gave a sharp bite

It made a little opening and he was then able to split it with his hands

He was happy trying something new with you and was excited for future recipes

Yeah...no struggles here ajsjdlgkskdldk

Belphie:

"Huh? You want me to open that?"

He was surprised but flattered you'd go to him

He wasn't even sure what that thing was

He tried to strangle it but just couldn't get it to open

Then he tried to threaten it

Still didn't work

Was exhausted at this point and thought a well deserved nap was needed

You found him clinging to the coconut like a plushie

You never got it back

Diavolo:

"Oh what a cute little silly fruit!"

He thought it looked precious!

Of course he would open it for you!

After a few minutes of trying to get the thing open, he was getting flustered

This can't be from the human realm? It's...it's diabolical!

He gave a sad pout and tried a *different* approach

"Please little one, open up will you?" He politely begged the unforgiving fruit

It magically split open and he triumphantly gave you your coconut back!

...Still not sure how that works but it's probably just... a Dia thing LMAO

Barbatos:

"I would be happy to. Although can you pick it up in say 30 min? I have another task to attend to."

He traveled to the human realm and picked up some chopped coconut and fresh coconut juice for you

He's a demon of many talents

He's also a demon of many secrets

He's never mastered the art of opening human world coconuts but he wasn't going to let you or anyone else know that!

He gave you a beautifully arranged plate and fancy jar

Simeon:

"I can try."

He knew of coconuts but never touched one

He tried knocking it a few times but it didn't work

He tried to remain calm as he tried a few other methods

Burn it. Burn it Simeon.

No just ignore the voice

After one more attempt he lost his cool

He had quite a colorful vocabulary

Threw dangerous celestial magic spears at the indestructible fruit

Luke freaked out and knocked him out in panic

Luke was quite frightened and didn't trust coconuts after Simeons rage

Simeon hates when they refer to it as The Incident™️

Solomon:

"Sure! I will handle it."

He's opened a few in his lifetime

He found a way to get it open every time!

He gingerly touched the coconut

So we meet again

He took the coconut and chucked it fiercely against the wall

He smirked at the small shattered pieces

He thought back on the first coconut he ever had the displeasure of meeting...he will never be made a fool again

You decided to buy coconut juice instead

»Note: Imagine you ask Belphie to open a banana and he just immediately strangles the thing, like is that just how he opens things?? Yep, a new headcanon acquired!

⬦You might also like: Mexican Restaurant︱Waffle House︱Devil-Mart⭐

#obey me shitpost #obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me diavolo #obey me barbatos #obey me simeon #obey me solomon #obey me crack #I'm such a simp for levi and dia aaaaaaaaaaa #obey me leviathan #obey me headcanons #◇˖・ﾟ— › cosmic obey me . ⊹#shitpostcifer

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ur-dad-satan · 3 months

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All the OM characters are lowkey sluts so have a tier list. It's based on vibes and who I think is a bottom, switch, and a top

I only made this because I want to fuck them.

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