#do you see that pose??? are you looking at it. i'm gonna smash my face into the kitchen grill THEYYYYYY MAKE mw insane

[carlyraejepsans]

i can't even make up a caption just fuckinglook at them.

#head in my fucking hands LOOK AT THEM #do you see that pose??? are you looking at it. i'm gonna smash my face into the kitchen grill THEYYYYYY MAKE mw insane #annyway i have the best big frisk design in the world luv and kisses #undertale #sans #frisk #papyrus #myart

[rappaccini]

.... okay. the phillips run hasn't started yet, so i'm not breaking my own rules if i give my thoughts on the spiderverse tie-in and what to expect going in.

looking at it and...

so this is a setup issue: come see all the players in the next event. here's a taste of their art style, the writing, and their role in the story.

so as a first look at the phillips run.... sigh.

first of all, the art style is pretty, but pinup-y. it feels more gwen stacy than spider-gwen.

also... hm. at gwen being referred to as Totally A Teenager and being put in cheesecakey poses. you can't have it both ways! if you want to sexualize her you have to let her be an adult! if you want her to be a teen you have to draw her like a kid!

at least gwen doesn't have her spiderverse haircut. i like that look but at this point we need to do whatever we can to differentiate gwen from her sv counterpart. weird experience, being happy that gwen still has that headband.

she's got the sv suit though. uh oh.

i don't really like the sneakers but at least they're not ballet flats. still hate that the alt vibe seems to have been traded out for athleisure.

looks like the tva are going to plant gwen on 616, and the next Big Spiderverse Event is going to involve a gwen goblin. i AM interested to see how gwen responds to this alternate self, especially since she's already interacted with a gwen goblin before, but my excitement is totally drowned out by knowing her involvement in this event is going to be all about forcing her into 616 for good, and therefore it's probably going to imply something about 616-gwen that makes it "acceptable" for spider-gwen to essentially take her place. hate it!

like. i'm fine with gwen spending some time in 616, or being called in for events there. i don't like it but i get that's just how shit is with gwen being brought in for spiderverse events. but i hate that she's gonna stay there.

VERY curious about the hitchcocky birds attacking gwen. love the cosmic horror vibe. but not at all excited about the likely destination: 616 For Good.

so far it looks like gwen's being taken from 65 against her will. GOOD. she doesn't want to leave earth 65! it's never a good thing when she does!...... but we know the end goal is for her to stay away forever. hate it.

... we're gonna see how gwen ditches 65 For Good. if she just up and vanishes without a world, my god that's shitty. even if she says "i like 616 better, bye" to her friends and family-- especially after smash just had gwen recommit to her world.... ugh. there's no way to frame this as anything other than gwen being such an inept superhuman that she can't make it home on her own even when she has a fucking hall pass that allows her to do it at will, or such a coward that she'd rather ditch her home and everyone she loves forever for an easier life somewhere else than stay and face her problems. it's irredeemable.

really wondering if phillips knows gwen has a portal necklace that lets her bounce through different dimensions at will. like, there's nothing stopping her from going home unless something happens to it.

or if she knows gwen has a symbiote. philips wrote the annual, and she didn't use it there either.

clinging to the tiny detail that every time that gwen is referred to as a "teenager" it's in quotes, she's being called one by someone else and she never says it herself so technically she's still in her twenties and being infantilized by miguel. which could be an interesting wrinkle in her story: the idea that all the spider-men are refusing to let gwen grow up, because their gwens didn't get to. but we know that's not what it is! we know she's being deaged! hate it!

so at this point i think sgtgs is going to be a repeat of the mcguire run: editorial wants a spider-gwen ongoing that synergizes with the movies, and selects an author who they think can execute the vision they've already decided they want.

itsv featured spider-gwen getting thrown into the multiverse, part of a trio with peter and miles, being a teenager, and being the object of miles' one-sided crush. oh, and she wears ballet slippers instead of chucks.

not a coincidence that the mcguire run*** involves gwen getting tossed into the multiverse, being marketed as a trio with peter and miles, not having her true age acknowledged and being subject to a 616 law that only applies to people under 21, being hit on by miles in spidergeddon, or that her costume suddenly has ballet flats instead of chuck soles.

with that in mind: atsv features spider-gwen

getting thrown back in the multiverse, running from her problems and being unable to come home

working with miguel's spider-society in some capacity

in a costume redesign with arm warmers

being a teenager

being called "spider-woman"

whose last Canon Event was a fight with kraven the hunter

being haunted by the implications of gwen stacy's role in canon

being close with hobie, and possibly romantically involved

... being Miles's Love Interest

and right away we know that

comics-gwen is being forced away from earth-65 and cut off from her homeworld For Good, and is therefore... running from her problems again

she's definitely going to be involved in the spider-society storyline somehow

she's wearing movie-gwen's exact costume

miguel's narration refers to her as a teenager multiple times

he also calls her "spider-woman'' even though she's exclusively been ghost-spider since 2018 -- so it's REAL clear that this event is intended to appeal to spiderverse fans who've never read a gwen comic before.

even the name of her new ongoing reminds me of the mcguire run beginning as ‘spider gwen: ghost spider’ because they had to introduce that new codename to people. sgtgs is for spiderverse fans who don’t know that’s what her name has been for five years.

one of her earliest villains we know she'll be fighting is... 616's kraven the hunter

we know in some way she'll grapple with the legacy of gwen's death. for the fifth or sixth time.

hobie is a contender for the spider-society book, so they might team up again and might even get a ship tease (the ONE good thing that could come of sv synergy tbh)

gwen's being thrown into miles's world, being referred to as a teenager, being redesigned to appeal to spiderverse fans, and miles is suddenly being written as the kind of guy who'd pursue other girls despite being with starling (staring hard at spectacular trying to push him and kamala). we know what that means. we know what's gonna happen if gwen's on 616 long enough. haaaaate it.

so. this is going to be a repeat of mcguire. right down to the structure of the book: the run in question begins in the middle of a Big Spiderverse Event gwen has to involve herself in, which means she has to be away from her home to take part and is being denied the setup a new run needs to get the reader acclimated to the character/world/status quo, and it'll end with her deciding to hang out in 616 For Some Reason.

no matter what this is gonna suck, because the status quo they're using the book to establish is irredeemable and the end goal is synergizing gwen with her movie counterpart. i want to hope that 616-for-good is just bait and she'll be back in 65 after one arc, but that's almost certainly not what's happening here. they want gwen-in-616 and phillips was selected because editorial thinks she can pull that off.

to be fair that was the case with mcguire. and the thing about mcguire's run is it's so unbalanced because it seems frustrated with its own status quo and is fighting back where it can.***

every time gwen pops over to 616 she says "wow i'm sure not needed here" or "oh look, constant reminders of the gwen stacy who's from here who died, who i am definitely not," or "can't wait to go home!" and whenever she does go home, all the effort in gwen's villains and interpersonal relationships is placed there. the imbalance isn't accidental. the reason gwen-in-616 is so disliked is because mcguire didn't make it compelling on purpose. she's working within the status quo she's allowed to make the case that the status quo itself is bad and that gwen should go home. and she did a damn good job because everyone hates gwen-in-616.

gwen might be marketed with peter and miles but she avoids miles the entire time she's in 616, never participates in a team up with them as a trio or hangs out with them in a group out of costume, only speaks with peter occasionally, and always tells him "it would be gross if we got together"

gwen's not allowed to drink alcohol and somehow is regarded by 616 as under 21, but this run firmly establishes that gwen is in college, not high school. and she lives at home with her dad... but she also got out of prison less than two months ago and it's not exactly easy for ex-cons to find somewhere to rent, especially if they have no job and a public superhuman identity that means villains are going to keep coming for her like gwen does. she's definitely over 18, and the high school/college divide matters a lot.

when miles goes goo-goo eyed at gwen, she ignores him for hobie. she dates harry and the gwenjay vibe gets a shitload of buildup.

so part of me does wonder if phillips might do the same. all the pieces are there: gwen isn't going to 616 of her own free will, she's being forced to deal with Gwen Stacy Trauma again, she's being infantilized by other spider-people, and after smash, she has more reason than ever to go home-- including a female love interest she actively wants to be with.

if the phillips run features gwen constantly saying "i want to go home" or "i didn't choose to be here", keeps gwen in college, keeps the miles interactions to a minimum, gives her a different love interest, or even features gwen coming out as bi, then you know phillips is doing what mcguire did: she's working within her limitations as best as she can to mitigate the synergy damage and try to move the character forward where it's possible.

and from what i know of phillips, she’s a rising star in comics with experience in writing ip superheroes, who favors action, thrillers, and horror-adjacent stories; a good fit for spider-gwen tonally. she’s even worked with renzi, who was gwen’s colorist for a while. and she features a lot of queer women in her work. very good for gwen. if this were set in 65 i’d be SO excited.

(she even wrote for harley quinn, and given the similarities between her and gwen— blonde superhero char who spent a long time pulling away from her male love interest, clearly bi, has lots of toxic tension with her redhead friend— i find that interesting. she characterized harley as a hero… which she really isn’t. but since gwen is... maybe that makes her an even better fit.)

but. mcguire was the same: awardwinning female scifi writer everyone’s jazzed about who has an interest in queer characters and is a match for the tone of the book. and that fizzled fast bc the status quo of gwen in 616 Does Not Work.

we just don't know what to expect from phillips, is the thing. when she wrote the annual, nothing was detrimental to gwen but nothing added to her either. we know by now that melissa flores knows and cares about gwen's continuity, her characterization, and the point of her story. we have no idea what phillips thinks. especially since it seems like flores and her didn’t communicate at all when giant-size set up a gwen ongoing on 65 that we now know isn’t happening.

so how much of spider-gwen's canon is philips familiar with? is she up-to-date on all the minis? if she didn't know about smash as she was prepping her run, did she read it by now? did she only read the latour run? does she even care about the continuity? or, since this is the second round of sv synergy, is spiderverse spider-gwen the character philips signed up to write?

we're just gonna have to see.

best case scenario, we'll just tread water for however long this lasts. worst case scenario, gwen gets fully thrown out for her spiderverse counterpart, gwiles'd to hell, and it's fucking over for her. i don't like not knowing.

regardless... as long as gwen's in 616, this run has to go. her presence there is too much of a threat to her character to be worth any story told in that world: maybe phillips gets it, but any other writer that uses gwen might not. and you know where that could lead.

maybe i'm being pessimistic but the best case scenario at this point is probably what happened with the mcguire run. so here's the forseeable future i'm letting myself hope for:

sgtgs flops, is cancelled early on.

gwen's ongoing gets another relaunch a year later, possibly as early as next year. three options:

-> a) the same status quo, 616-for-good, but a different writer. hopefully that flops too.

-> b) a shift in status quo to gwen returning to the 65-to-616 commute pattern, maybe with phillips staying on, maybe not. so an inverse of the mcguire run. progress, but still not enough. probably doomed to fail.

(-> ... c) the best option that almost definitely won't happen: the ongoing is relaunched with gwen fully back in 65. with or without phillips. and if we somehow get it, i hope it lasts.)

assuming the relaunch happens and flops, then we're in a post-mcguire redux: gwen gets shuffled back to multiverse-themed miniseries that gradually shift her back to earth-65 until she's there for the entire story.

rinse and repeat with btsv: another multiverse ongoing that shoves her back into 616, probably with an even bigger gwiles emphasis, then minis if/when that flops too.

i could keep going but that's beyond the topic of this post.

nothing against stephanie phillips as a person or as a creative-- at least not yet. this status quo would've happened no matter who was tapped to write spider-gwen, and the only way this is going to stop and gwen will be allowed to go home and stay there is if editorial decides to stop forcing her out of it.

no way are they gonna do that until they know gwen-in-616 doesn't make them money, the spiderverse well dries up and a different property comes along for them to leech off of. so bare minimum, shit's gonna suck for gwen until btsv is behind us, possibly even beyond that depending on how the 616 move does and if gwiles happens and sticks. insomniac's our best hope in that regard. cindy moon might be the way out but that’s another post.

until then we're probably going to be in multiverse limbo for the next 6ish years. possibly even longer depending on if spider-women sees the light of day, if gwen appears in the insomniac games or live-action and whether or not she’s miles’ love interest there too.

so i'm doing my part and not supporting the phillips run. not gonna buy or read it, not gonna acknowledge it until it's cancelled or gwen's back in 65.

#spider gwen thoughts #spider gwen salt #sgtgs

[blackhakumen]

Mini Fanfic #1008: A Super Macho Beachy Day (SSBU)

1:34 p.m. at the Smash Beach's Picnic Area.....

Tifa: (Fluffing an Orange Pillow Up) Just a little more fluff annnnd....there. Pillow's ready for you now, Daisy. (Places the Pillow Down on the Long Picnic Seat in Front of Daisy)

Daisy: (Smiles Brightly) Thanks, Girl. (Grosns a Bit While Pulling her Casted Foot onto the Pillow in Question) You didn't have to bring a pillow out here for me. ('Whew')

Tifa: (Smiles Softly as She Sits Next to Daisy on the Other Sode of the Table) I know, but I just wanna make extra sure your foot is taken care of for your appointment tomorrow.

Daisy: (Sighs Heavily While Looking Up at the Blue Skies) Finally!~ I can get this case removed. It's been so loooong.

Tifa: (Starts Snickering) Daisy, it's only been a month and a half.

Daisy: So? It still felt like ages ago! (Crosses her Arms While Pouting) Slow days are the worst.....

Tifa: Yeah, but at least the healing process is finally done at the neck of time. Sorry you had to miss out on the Strikers' Leagues though. I know how much you like participating in those games.

Daisy: (Shrugs) Eh. It's fine. There's always the next few years down the road. (Starts Smirking) But no worries. Once the time comes, I'm gonna the biggest comeback ever! (Turns to Tifa) And I want you to join my team!

Tifa: (Eyes Begins to Widened in Genuine Surprise) You do?

Daisy: Hell yeah, girlfriend!~ I mean, have you seen your own kicks? They're almost quick and powerful as Chun-Li and Bayonetta's combined! (Place her Hand Around her Shoulder) Trust me, with your skills and my natural leadership, we would be a force to reckon with in the soccer field! So whaddya say?

Tifa: Well....It has been a while since I've played a soccer game....or any other sport for that matter....You know what? (Smiles Softly) Sure. I'd be happy to join your future team.

Daisy: (Smiles Brightly) Sweet!

??????: 'Sup, ladies~

The duo turns and see muscular, tan man with gray hair, wearing noting but a speedo grinning down at the two of them in a flirtatious manner.

??????: (Pulls Down his Shades From his Eyes) Fancy seeing you two here in this radical, sunny day today~ (His Teeth Begins to Shine Bright)

Daisy: (Already Weirded out by the Man's Presence Along With Tifa) Uhhhhhhh.......

Tifa: H-Hello! U-Um.....Who are you....exactly?

??????: ('Tch') Honestly. Do you not know who I am? The name's Macho Man. (Starts Flexing and Doing a Manly Like Pose) Suuuper Macho Man!

Daisy: (Grabs her Chin While Thinking) Macho Man....Macho Man.....Hey, aren't you that guy who lost to Little Mac more than once in the boxing match a while back?

Super Macho Man: (Immediately Gets Upset) NEVER MENTION THAT LITTLE TWERP IN MY PRESENCE AGAIN! I ONLY LOST CAUSE HE'S LUCKY!!! (Quickly Takes a Deep Breath Before Calming Down) Besides, that's all in the past now. (Starts Smirking Seductively) Right now, I'm thinking about the future you two will have with yours truly~

The self proclaimed macho man starts moving his pecs up and down before making them move faster and then turning around and making his butt jiggle, much to the girls' distaste.

Tifa: (Trying her Hardest Not to Throw Up) Wow! I uh....(Takes a Deep Breath Before Speaking) Listen, Mr.....uhhh.

Super Macho Man: Super. Macho Man.

Tifa: Right, right, Macho Man. Umm...We are.....really flattered by your.....affection towards us, but.....I'm afraid we're going to have to decline the offer.

Daisy: (Already Has an Annoyed Look on her Face) We're already taken. Go away.

Super Macho Man: ('Scoffs') Taken? HA! By who? A blonde, emo twink with abandonment issues and a wimpy scaredy cat for a Mario Bro? Who would wanna hang around with those bogus losers?

Daisy: (Angrily Slams her Hands Down onto the Table While Glaring at the Man in Question) Um. WE WOULD, ASSHOLE! I don't know what kind of frat boy, penthouse you've been living off of, but we just so happen to love our two boys to pieces, thank you!

Tifa: (Nodded in Agreement) That's right. (Starts Glaring at the Tan, Muscular Man as Well) And they're twice the men than you'll ever be.

Super Macho Man: ('Heh') Really? (Places his Arms Behind his Head Whole Doing Another Pose) Then how come those "men" of yours aren't rich and good looking as yours truly?

Tifa: (Starts Crossing her Arms While Rolling her Eyes) With all due respect, sir, but we think your looks aren't anything to write home about in hindsight.

Daisy: (Starts Snickering) Yeah. Look like an overcooked pot roast if you ask me?

Super Macho Man: A sexy overcooked pot roast?~ (Moves his Eyebrows Up and Down)

Daisy: ('Groans in Digust') No! A regular, annoying, unattractive one! (Sighs Heavily Place her Head onto the Palm of her Hand) I swear, where the hell is Little Mac when you need?

Super Macho Man: ('Groans in Pure Annoyance') Enough about the twerp already! Why do you have to keep bringing him up!?

Daisy: (Shrugs) I don't know! You guys fought before, right?

Tifa: Plus, you didn't really deny the fact that you lost against him. So.......

Super Macho Man: ('Scoffs') So nothing! Like i said, he only won cause he gotten lucky! (Crosses his Arms) I can totally take him down in five seconds flat the next time I see him! The same applies to your so called "men"!

?????: Really now?

Macho Man quickly turns around to see the blonde, emo twink he mentioned, holding a box of food and snacks in his hands while staring at him with a raised eyebrow.

Cloud: Don't really seem like a challenge, but I suppose punching that smug look on your face wouldn't be too much of a hassle.

Luigi: (Smiles Brightly While Holding Two Cups of Frozen Yogurt in his Hands) We're back!~

Daisy: (Happily Raises hers Hands Up at her Boyfriend) Weegie!~

Tifa: (Giggles Softly as She Gets Up From her Seat And Walk Towards her Boyfriend) Welcome back, you two~ Was the line getting too long for you guys earlier?

Cloud: Yep. (Kiss Tifa on the Lips) The heat from the sun didn't make it go any faster.

Luigi: (Gives Daisy her Frozen Yogurt) Plus, some of the prices for the food has gone up for the year, so it took a while for us to find anything that's more cheaper. (Turns to Daisy) B-But Daisy! How is your feet doing right now? Is it aching? You and Tifa didn't have a rough time getting here, did you?

Daisy: Babe, relax. We made it here just fine. (Gives Luigi a Cocky Smirk on her Face) And do you really think a simply foot injury could slow me down that easily?

Luigi: (Chuckles Lightly) Of course not. (Rubs the Back of his Head Back and Forth While Smiling Sheepishly) I'm just worried about the well-beings of the princess I love, as usual is all.

Daisy: (Heart Begins to Melt as She Happily Hugs her Man) You worrywart~ I love you too.

Luigi: Daisy, that's my stomach your hugging.

Daisy: I don't care. It's nice and comfy~ (Kiss Luigi's Stomach)

'Ahem' A-HEM'

The gang finally turn their attention to an impatient Macho Man, glaring at all of them.

Luigi: Oh! Uh....Do we...know you or....

The muscular, tan boxer was about to speak until.....

?????: As I live and breathe, it's Macho Man!

Everyone turn their heads to see Dedede and Escargoon walking towards the table together with a box of food and snacks of their own.

Escargoon: (Pulls his Sunglasses Down) No way. Is that really the guy Little Mac beat that one time?

Super Macho Man: (Groans Once More While Facepalming Himself) Can't I go one day without being remind of that half pint? (Turns to the Duo Woth a Glare on his Face) And my name is SUPER Macho Man! Get it right!

Escargoon: (Turns to Dedede For a Brief Turning Back to the Boxer in Question) Well, gee, sorry about that, mister. We just never really thought of calling you that in the start of your name.

Dedede: Yeah. (Starts Smirking in a Troll Like Fashion) 'Specially when your win and loss ratio isn't looking too hot nowadays.

Super Macho Man: ('Scoffs') What are you talking about? (Crosses his Arms While Looking Away) My track record in the ring is hella consistent.

Dedede: Oh really? Then how come in one match, Mr. Sandman knocked you out to sleep with one punch?

Super Macho Man: I....wasn't paying attention at the time. And he does that to everyone on the ring.

Cloud: Except for Little Mac.

Super Macho Man: (Glares at Cloud) I will punch you.

Tifa: (Immediately Gives the Boxer a Dark, Cold Glare) And I will break every bone in your body if you try.

Super Macho Man: (Gulps While Sweating and Being Scared Shitless by the Short Haired Woman) Noted.

Escargoon: Then what about the time you literally got knocked out of the ring by Bald Bull?

Super Macho Man: How was I supposed to know he was going to use his head to attack?

Escargoon: Does the name "Bald Bull" ever rang any bells to you? He always uses his head to ram into his opponents.

Super Macho Man: (Shrugs) I dunno. I just thought he was bald and look like an ugly bull.

Dedede: (Turns to Escargoon For a Brief Second Before Slowly Turning Back to Macho Man Again).....Riiiiiight. And then there's that match between you and Aran Ryan.

Super Macho Man: ('Uggggh') Don't remind me....He only won cause he's a shameless cheater.

Escargoon: Yeah. (Smirks at the Tan Boxer) But he still Molly Whopped your ass to next week.

Dedede: (Laughs Wholeheartedly) Ain't that right! Ooh! And that match with Glass Joe-

Super Macho Man: (Quickly Turns to Dedede and Escargoon with a Furious Glare) NO! Don't you DARE speak about that match in front of my presence!!

Cloud: Wait. Glass Joe. As in the guy who has over ninety-nine losses? (Turns to Super Macho Man) You lost to HIM once?

Dedede: Yeah! Last week!

Escargoon: It was one of the biggest highlights in all of WVBA!

Dedede: That man was cryin' tears of joy when he won that bout.

Super Macho Man: Oh spare me the sentiment bull crap! Croissant Boy only won that fight cause I was obviously feeling under the weather that day!

Escargoon: Then why did you even bother to step into that ring to begin with if you were sick?

Super Macho Man: So he wouldn't win by default. Duh!

Dedede: But wouldn't that been better than getting your ass pummeled on live TV? Where veryone of your fans and followers-

Daisy: (Whispers) If he even had one.

Dedede: would sat there and watch the whole thing play out?

Super Macho Man (Was About to Say something With his Finger Up in the Air Until Slowly Lowering it Down and Sighing a Bit) Okay. So maybe you do have a point there. B-But it doesn't and it never will change the fact that Glass Joe loser got himself lucky that night! (Crosses his Arms While Pouting) Would've make him add one more loss to his permanent record anyday of the week.

???: Mm.

Macho Man's eyes starts to open as he hears Cloud and the others talking among themselves.

Cloud: (Slowly Starts Shaking his Head) Couldn't admit defeat.

Daisy: I know, right? What a sore loser.

Tifa: We all have our moments of not wanting to admit our losses. (Turns to Macho Man) Even if some of us....have a punchable face.

Dedede: I bet if Little Mac was here, he would make him humble himself.

MM's eyes begins to widened by the mere mention that name as slowly starts to shaking in anger.

Escargoon: ('Scoffs') Doubt that. He'll probably go on and on about how he won over luck and we'll never hear the end of it.

Everyone: Yep./Uh-huh. / Sore loser at it's finest-

Super Macho Man: (Looks Up at the Sky in Anger) ENOUUUUUUGH! (Turns and Points at Luigi) You! Green boy!

Luigi: (Points at Himself in a Confused and a Tad Bit Nervous Manner) M-Me?

Super Macho Man: Yeah, you! (Sits Down at the Table While Putting his Elbow on it and Raises his Arm Up) Arm wrestle me, NOW!

Luigi: (Even More Confused) But.....why me exactly?

Super Macho Man: Your color scheme. It pisses me off!

Luigi: (Looks Down on the Black Tank Top and Green Trunks He's Wearing Before Looking Back at the Tan Boxer) I'm.....not really sure if that's a good reason to-

Super Macho Man: I DON'T CARE! I am not leaving here until you give me what I want!

Luigi: B-But-

Cloud: ('Sighs in Annoyance and Defeat') Just do what he says, Weeg. He's never gonna leave us alone at this rate.

Dedede: He ain't wrong on this one, boy. The man's persistent.

Luigi: (Sees Macho Man Crack his Finger's Knuckles Before Sighing in Defeat) If I must......(Sits Down on the Opposite Side of the Table) l I wish me luck.....

Daisy: (Starts Rubbing her Man's Shoulders With a Supportive Smile) Stay calm, sweetie. You can do this.

Luigi: (Takes a Deep Breath Before Nodding) Right. (Turns Back to the Tan Boxer in Front of Him Before Slowly Pullinghis Hand Out to Him) U-Umm....May the best man win?

Super Macho Man: (Chuckled While Grabbing his Opponent's Hand Tight) You better prepare yourself Player #2. Cuz I'm gonna show you why all of my fans in the whole wide globe call me the One and Only SUPER MACHO MA-

Five Seconds Later.......

Everyone free cheers for Luigi's speedy victory over the dumbfounded Macho Man in the game of Arms Wrestling.

Cloud: (Smirks Proudly at his Plumber Friend) Gotta say, Weeg, that was pretty well display of muscle strength you got there.

Dedede: (Smiles Brightly) Damn right! How gotten so strong like that?

Luigi: (Starts Rubbing The Back of his Head Back and Forth While Blushing and Smiling Sheepishly) I guess my daily morning workout routine really does payoff after all. (Turns to Daisy) And it's all thanks to you, dear. (Kiss his Princess on the Cheek)

Daisy: (Giggles Softly) You don't need to thank me for that, babe~ (Hugs Luigi Lovingly) I'm just happy to see you making progress. But makes me more happy....(Turns to the Tan Boxer With a Satisfied Grin on her Face) Is seeing you outta here! So bye-bye!

Super Macho Man: (Still Dumbfounded) .......................

Tifa: (Starts Snapping her Fingers in Front of Macho Man with Very Little Results) Uhhhh guys....I think we might've broke him.

Cloud: (Shrugs) Hey, if it means we don't have hear him speak for a while, then I ain't complaining.

Escargoon: Neither do I. I never really like that guy.

Dedede: Same here. Y'all wanna eat somewhere

Tifa: (Happily Nodded) Sure! (Picks Daisy's Crunches Up From the Side of the Table While Walking Away With Dedede and the Others)

Escargoon: I don't mind.

Cloud: It's a lot of moving, but sure.

Luigi: I....(Picks Daisy's Up From the Table) Gotcha! Ready to go?

Daisy: (Smiles Brightly) Ready as you are!~ Let's find a comfy chair to sit together, yeah?

Luigi: (Finally Begins to Walks Away From the Table as Well) Yes, ma'am.

As the not so Super Macho Man continues to look silent dumbfounded by what just happened, the second well known champ of the WVBA Mr. Sandman shook his head at him in the background before walking away, causing the tan boxer to slam his head down on the table.

@keyenuta

@cyber-wildcat

@albion-93

@ma-lemons

@princekirijo

@caleb13frede

@tampire

#super smash ultimate #punch out #daisy #tifa lockhart #cloud strife #luigi #king dedede #escargoon #super macho man #mr. sandman #little mac (mentioned) #bald bull (mentioned) #aran ryan (mentioned) #glass joe (mentioned) #humor #beach time #fluff #cute romance #daisy loves luigi #cloud x tifa #edited

[fncreature]

Another Chance: Pt. 4

A/n: Sorry it's been a while! I've been super busy, I was on a trip for the past four days, but I'll stop making excuses because I know the only reason you're here is for the fic so lets get to it!

Warnings: None really. Mentions of cussing I guess.

(Oh and sorry it's super short, I just wanted a cliffhanger to hurt you guys)

You blinked.

The engine room. You were in the engine room.

You heard Romanoff groan, and you rushed to your feet. You scanned the room, and saw Romanoff. And Banner, who was breathing heavily, probably had a heavy landing.

And his eyes were green.

Not natural green. Hulk green.

“I'm okay. We're okay, right?” Romanoff looked towards you. You nodded quickly.

You can see Dr. Banner struggle to remain human.

“Doctor... Bruce, you gotta fight it. This is just what Loki wants. We're gonna be okay. Listen to me.” Romanoff coaxes Banner, quickly waving away two agents that run in to check in, and they bolt out of there. You wondered for a split second if you should join them, but you know you should stay near the Hulk. “We're gonna be okay. Right? I swear on my life I will get you out of this, you will walk away, and never-”

“Your life?” Dr. Banner growled. You can hear the bitter amusement in his voice.

You nearly get thrown off your feet as the ship gets rocked by another explosion.

And then the lights went out.

“Bruce.” Agent Romanoff pleaded.

You can’t see it, but you can hear Dr. Banner growling. Not Dr. Banner.

The Hulk.

And then something clicked.

Not a sound, but it felt like something inside of you just clicked. You just… Knew where they were, and everything in the room was. It felt weird, but somehow normal. Like meeting someone you knew, but not realizing you knew them.

Agent Romanoff was struggling to get free of some rubble. And you could tell. And then she stopped.

You had no idea what to do as the Hulk turned towards you and Romanoff.

Romanoff looked towards you. And you kind of knew, like with how you could tell where they were, but you just knew, you knew, that she would run up the stairs, and wanted you to follow.

And she did just that. She bolted up the stairs, and you followed, and you could hear the Hulk behind you.

“Do whatever I do” She whispered.

You followed her underneath a turbine, and crawled through the maze of pipes.

Romanoff dropped underneath the catwalks, landing her signature pose. You never understood why she did it, but you copied, without the pose, and ran behind her.

“Good job” She told you, not bothering to look back at you.

She does however, turn when the sound of the Hulk roaring echoes throughout the carrier.

“Hold it” She said, and you stopped in your tracks. “Hope you’re not claustrophobic, cause you need to follow me again.”

You copied her movements, crawling underneath the catwalks, when she stopped.

The room vibrated.

She stepped up onto one of the catwalks, and pulled the gun out of her holster.

And then you heard the Hulk.

She fired a shot into a tank, and then it hit the Hulk in the face.

And he smashed the heck out of it.

You stayed down, not realizing you had disobeyed Agent Romanoff’s orders. And then you did realize.

You were about to follow when you heard the Hulk.

You turned around, and ran.

“God dammit, Fury, why didn’t you trust me enough to give me comms?” You muttered angrily, adding a couple profanities at the end of your sentence.

You had no idea where anyone was or what to do.

Agents were running in all directions, but mostly behind you, with directions of what to do or not. You were a part of the latter.

And then you saw what they were running from.

Loki

“Hello” He said gently, as you skidded to a halt about six feet in front of him.

You took a shaky breath.

“Please. You don’t need to do this.”

“Unfortunately, I do” He stepped towards you and you took a few steps forward.

And then your eyes landed on it.

The scepter.

And you felt frozen in place. You couldn’t explain it, but you did.

He took a couple more steps, only a foot or so away from you.

And you were terrified.

Fully, completely terrified.

He held up the scepter, and held it at the tip of your chest. “I’m sorry” Loki said softly, and the tip pressed into your chest.

Taglist (DM me or send in an ask or reply to be added): @acethecardsblog @broukaitlyn-blog @itsss4t4n @wandanatblogs

If I forgot someone I am SO sorry and please let me know

#another chance #avengers x reader #avengers x teen!reader #avengers fanfiction #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x teen!reader #avengers imagine

[fakeloveaskblog]

Okay Remy, I am going to resend that previous message I sent you, just so you have it so you can reread it if you perchance wanted to do that. Don't worry, you didn't accidentally delete it, someone else purposefully did. Also, no… you weren't left with the true things, that's just learned cognitive distortions speaking; I'm sure if you asked Jan or Rem if they thought those things about you, they would set you straight right away. I'll also put a silent alarm on your phone that'll go off the next time Remus is near you, though only if you let me. Would that help?

(Tw: Vague implications of past abuse)

Remy: "Set me straight? dfhjd who are you? my dad? Jk jk. I know what you mean. I don't know what cognition distractions or whatever mean 'cause I'm tots an idiot. Like girl the only reason I didn't fail all of highschool was 'cause Virge did just enough of my work for me. You don't gotta tell me what it means btw. I can like look it up. I may not have a brain but I do have google. and uh yeah that helps. thanks. I'm gonna go reread the message now"

A few days later, in the middle of the day, the Rems were sitting on the sidewalk behind a starbucks. There were so many people inside the cafe Remus had nearly gotten a sensory overload while ordering the 4 cupcakes and 2 sandwiches he was smashing down into his slippery gullet. Remy had just taken a black coffee.

The alarm had gone off a while ago but they didn't know how to ask him about it. He looked tense. He sat in an unnatural pose that made it easy to get up and run away. His shoulders were raised and brows just a bit furrowed. Maybe they could-

"Oh!!! Bean bitch do you wanna see what I've been drawing lately???" Remus suddenly exclaimed, crumbs of sandwich flew out of his mouth.

"Sure babe"

He had a big grin on his lips as he took out his sketchbook and flipped through it "Alright so you remember how I did some anatomy practice of you when we watched lesbian vampire movies yes? Well I kinda continued with those"

The first few drawings were realistic sketches of Remy's face from a few different angles but on the next page he'd used his cartoony style to make them into a supernatural being. One drawing showed them with 8 eyes. One with nothing but gorey eye sockets left. One with spiders crawling out of their eyes and mouth.

Remus rocked back and forth slightly "Sorry. Is it weird? I just thought it would be cool if there were some character who looked nromal but was hiding something under their sunglasses. I dunno. Maybe it's stu-"

"No. No. Babe I think it's like tots cool! You made me look like super chic. Blood is totally in right now!!"

He shone up into a bright smile "Thanks!" There was slight blushing on his cheeks.

"I think I would look cool with some teeth in my eyes just saying"

"OOOOh!! Maybe even fangs?!"

"You got it babe!"

He took out a pen and immediately started to sketch it out. Remy was just happy getting to watch him draw.

Until a notification sound came from Remus' phone. He flinched before quickly checking it and immediately setting it down again. He somehow tensed up more.

Remy took a deep breathe. They could do this. They could talk about emotional stuff.

"You good babe? I mean like at any time? 'Cause you look tense like a lot- I uh I'm not like asking why. You don't gotta tell me shit. just like wondering if you're like okay"

"You're one to talk. you walk around looking like you got a stick up your butt 24/7........Do you??....kinky"

"Not yet"

"Me neither"

They both went quiet. Remus fiddled with the ring he still had on his finger. Remy scratched at their neck.

"I...I just feel paranoid....all the time...My intrusive thoughts never shut up about how every interaction I have with other peple could end in the worst ways. Even right now" Remus muttered out after a while.

"I get that. I mean I" They forced a chuckle "Every single time my boyfriend raises his hand, just to like take a plate or something, my thoughts still scream at me that he's gonna hit me. He never does. I know he won't. But my body and thoughts still act like he will. It happens with every person. I've been sure Janus was going to slap me"

Remus looked up at them. His eyes suddenly looked so so desperate "I dosen't get better?" He asked, his voice sounded like it was close to breaking "The paranoia will Always be there?"

"What? No! No no no. of course not babe. I'm just completely fucked up y'know. Like all of my argument with my boyfriend ends with either me having like a panic attack or us fucking" They laughed "Like an overemotional crybaby y'know. But you're- You'll be fine- I'm sure- You're not- I'm just-"

Remus pulled his knees up to his chest and leaned his chin against his knees. "I think you can be fine too" He mumbled out.

"I don't- I- I dunno- It's like it's so clear I was like supposed to die at specific moments...and then I just....didn't....and now I'm just like still here even though I'm not supposed to...I'm just like a rotting corpse dragging everyone else down. I-I don't know how to be fine if my thoughts are still sure I'm going to die every single day"

Remus shrugged "I think rotting corpses are pretty cool"

It was so out of left field Remy let up into a laugh. "Jesus fuck you stupid necrophile" They hid their face in their hands "Babe I'm sorry. I'm tots rambling. I was asking if you were okay, not if you wanted to like hear me be a stupid bitch"

"It's okay. I think being able to be a stupid bitch is kinda cool too. I can't even try to vent without shutting down...I feel kind of like I'm rotting as well"

(It felt like he'd left his skin in his old apartement. To be honest it felt like his entire being had been scrapped out of him just to be left behind)

"Wow babe. Is there something you don't think is cool?"

He thought for a moment "Soap. It's icky and gets everywhere"

"Sound argument"

Remus slowly moved his head to lean it against their shoulder. He could feel their chest rise to take a shuddering breathe and lower again.

"Have you ever thought I would?" Remus quietly asked.

"Yeah" They admitted "I know you wouldn't"

"I know. I've been paranoid about you too"

"It's okay"

"I've willingly been to your apartment. That's a lot" Remus pointed out "I haven't been to Jan's apartement"

"We should break into his place in the middle of the night" Remy replied in a fake serious tone.

"Oh yeah. It's a must. How else do you know you're friends? We should bring matching friendship knives as well!"

Remy chuckled "You can design them. And my teeth eye design! That's like tots important! My true destiny is to be a monster milf y'know. The lesbians would love me"

"Ayyay captain! I'll get right on that! Remus: milf maker"

They let out an audible keysmash "Babe that's my porn name now. Milf maker! Cougar collector! Homewrecker hoobyist!!"

"Yay grammar!!"

Remy got up and held out their hand to help him up. "Aight babe, I better head home. And you better get yourself a hot bath. You sure are smelling like a rotten corpse"

"Oh don't worry. I have a demon who sends me gifts, including bathing gifts"

Remy blinked at him "Huh" They moved their arm around his shoulders and started to walk towards the busstop "Tell me all about it. Is it a hot demon?"

#this got longer than it was supposed to #its close to 4 am #thanks for the ask tho #ask #remy sanders #remus sanders #sanders sides #resleep #rem^2

[kachuuyaa]

This was such a stupid thought but the idea of BSD! Reader, Dazai, and Chuuya in the genshin world as adults who are very smart and complex but if you put them next to each other they're fight like fucking children is so funny to me like,

Reader, holding Dazai down over a counter by the chin, because he attacked them: stay down! I said, stay! Down!!

Dazai: [screams] [smashes a plate over Reader's head]

--

[Chuuya and reader, fighting over something]

Chuuya: I was here first!

Reader: shut the fuck up, I was born first!

Dazai: I was Mori's favorite first.

Chuuya: [strangles Dazai]

--

Chuuya: you know that feeling, where you see someone, and you just think, "okay, I have to kill them. I just have to."? Yeah, that's just how I feel with Dazai.

Reader: mhm, that's the Cain instinct.

Barbara: what?

Reader: [explains the entire biblical lore]

Barbara, who loves her older sister: I'm sorry, whAT?

--

[Implied AFAB reader here]

Chuuya: oh h--

Reader: [elbows him in the face, hard]

Chuuya: oh shit-- why all this aggression, huh? Is it your time of the month?!

Reader, casually: I don't get my period dipshit, I don't have a uterus.

--

BONUS, an au where everything in the au is the same but it's Fyodor who fell with you and he's annoying.

Fyodor: why do you do that thing?

Reader: what thing?

Fyodor: you know, that thing, that thing you do--

Fyodor: [tiredly, slowly does a demonstration, doing the classic superhero landing pose]

Fyodor: --when you whip your hair when you're fighting, with the arm and the hair and you do like a fighting p--

Fyodor, stiffling his laughter:- p-pOse.

Reader:

Fyodor: it's a fighting pose, you're a total poser.

Reader: I'm not a poser.

Fyodor: haha, come on, I'm mean they're great poses but it does look like you think everyone is looking at you, like, all the time.

Reader:

*later*

Fyodor: [Does the exact same landing, and stands up shivering after a moment when he realizes what he's done] ugh, disgusting.

This shit was so stupid but the first one was my favorite

-🐗 anon

HI 🐗 ANON THIS IS SO GOOD HELP I LAUGHED

THE LAST ONE DUDE ISNT THAT FROM BLACK WIDOW I LOVED THE LAST ONE SO MUCH?/!/!2!!2

save literally everyone ever from u n dazai n chuuya u lot are gonna destroy several worlds and go to hell and bsck when u two fighf

#📩 #🐗 #THIS IS SO GOOD HELP #i missed the incorrect quotes #OH MY GOD TELL FYODOR AVOUT THE ARCHONS N SHIT AND HE’D FLIP HELP

[moonlightwinterdxxix]

MOONLIGHTWINTERDXXIX! Ready for another request attack!? 🤣 I'm here for Sutabaa Zaimoku identity shenanigans the SEQUEL! 😎✨ Somehow Kara's weird nice guy habits had actually worked?! He got on the good side of a visiting Sutabaa's overseas higher up by sheer luck and when they arrive to Sutabaa for whataver they mistaken Totty as Kara. Will Totty abuse this chance for nepotism to rise from his janitor position? Or will customer Kara unexpectedly arrive in all his glory and threaten this ruse?!

@yisongye For #make Karamatsu smile—the Bullied boys now have time to shine outside TVV xD

For those who are new, this is the continuation of this fic here.

~~~

Leaving its slanted position from the angle it was creating from the floor, Todomatsu raised the mop vertically and glared. “Stop laughing.”

“Pfft...! Okay, first you told me to stop talking,” Atsushi confirmed through snorts, shoulders rocking, “now you want me to stop laughing. What do you want me to actually do, Todomatsu? Make up your mind.”

“Leave. Go home. I don’t want you in here anymore. You’re making it a billion times worse.”

“Alright, come on. This is the thing, Todomatsu,” Atsushi said, resting his elbows on the table and raising a smug eyebrow that made Todomatsu want to punch his face so badly. “It wouldn’t have been so bad if you were being casual. Just a casual joe that’s cleaning tables, mopping the floors, doing his job, basically. But wearing your brother’s tacky sunglasses while working is what made you a sight more painful than him himself.”

“It’s his fault this all happened!” Todomatsu exclaimed, spreading a hand. “You have absolutely no idea what he said to the manager, and if you did...! If you were in my shoes, you’ll live with embarrassment for the rest of your life! He told me everything! I didn’t even want to wake up the next day after what he told me!”

“You’re overreacting,” Atsushi said, taking a sip from his latte. “I’m sure it wasn’t so bad. If he was pretending to be you, he couldn’t have possibly broken character enough that he’d make you look like a painful—”

“Then the sun, that glorious sun! Oh, it was the rose’s guardian angel, sending it a spirit for life and the will to fight forward! Oh, and it would now attract all the butterflies that followed a path so similar to it’s!” Todomatsu mimicked, posing with Karamatsu’s flair and voicing the lines with the lowest his voice can drop. Dramatically.

Atsushi burst out laughing.

“H-Hey! Shut up!”

“You’re right! It’s embarrassing!” Atsushi guffawed.

“Oh, wait until then!” Todomatsu snapped, resuming his work as he cleanly ridded the spot where a baby had spilt its mother’s drink. “The time will come when the same humiliation will happen to you. Don’t think that just because you have money and riches your life will be all fine and dandy. I promise that you will find failure soon. Just you wait.”

“Ooh, scary,” Atsushi drawled. “Doesn’t help that you’re wearing his glasses though. Why are you even doing that? To hide your identity? Everyone in the Ward knows of that face belonging to a sextuplet NEET, Todomatsu. That does nothing to your case.”

“Better safe than sorry. It’s better than having my own identity out in the world. Have Karamatsu instead—he’s the one most associated with failure.” He blew a raspberry, rolling his eyes. “You’ll eat your words soon, dumbbell,” Todomatsu vowed, grabbing a water bottle from his belt and spraying the floor. “I swear to Cod, you’ll eat your words and—”

“Todomatsu Matsuno?”

Someone suddenly was in front of the employees’ door of the establishment against the wall, and both Todomatsu and Atsushi were stunned to find a beautiful girl standing there, her eyes shining like those of the universe, all planets aligned and the sun at its brightest.

She had long, wavy brown hair that touched all the way to her waist, a bangs that brushed her eyebrows before parting at the sides, overlapping her ears. She had a large bust, which grabbed their eyes, but she also had long legs that they could see through her khaki pants. A notepad peeped out of the apron of her Sutabaa work uniform.

“Todomatsu Matsuno?” the girl echoed, smiling faintly, almost relieved. “Was that you? Oh, I never thought I’d actually see you! I heard snippets of your interview the other day, and I didn’t think I would be able to see you again. Anyway, I think I need to introduce myself formally to you. My name’s Sen. And I’m gonna be a co-worker of yours for the entire month.”

Todomatsu did nothing else but look at her, cheeks reddening as the sunglasses went askew on his nose.

“I’m the Sutabaa manager from Paris, see? But still a Japanese native,” the girl—Sen, went on. “I recently decided to take a trip back to Japan so I can see how the employees do their tasks here. And I was just in time too. A made a recent notice of the lack of appeal in customer service and entertainment, but I can associate the opposite of that with the fanfaronade you put on. At least, what I just heard right now and the other day. I assume that really was your interview, wasn’t it?”

“Y...Yeah,” Todomatsu breathed.

“Great! Because I think I might be considering lifting your position off being a janitor if that was the case,” Sen told them, taking out her notepad and pen. Her fingernails were decorated with fancied stickers of the Eiffel Tower. “With your flow of words, we might be able to attract more customers to the establishment. Imagine being talked about as that cashier man with a Shakespearean dictionary in his vocabulary. Wouldn’t that spark interest?”

No. Yes? Perhaps? Todomatsu didn’t think a Karamatsu persona would’ve sparked any interest from anyone or anything? Not even an ant’s or a cockroach’s.

And yet...If this meant not being a janitor anymore...

“Of course, only if you don’t mind,” Sen said, jutting down on her notebook. “If you aren’t willing to act so in front of customers, we won’t force you too. But your gentlemanly manner when you speak might make some progress in this building when it comes to getting people to come. It’s a suggestion I’ve already spoken to your main manager about. Now I want to ask you! Are you willing to do it, Todomatsu-san?”

“E-Eh?!” Atsushi squeaked, and Todomatsu continued to stare at her.

Then he blinked beneath the sunglasses. Then his lungs refilled with air, and his imagination lit up with his proud-to-behold Todomatsu Matsuno wisdom. He smirked, transferred the mop to his other hand, using his free one to touch his hairline with two fingers. “Of course, my dear! And I’d be happy to perform more Shakespearean might you give me the opportunity to! After all, I am Todomatsu Matsuno, master of the fine art, a man of theatre through-and-through!”

“Oh!” Sen expressed (cutely to the mens’ eyes), eyebrows rising.

“EEEHHH?!! O-Oi! Todomatsu! What the hell are you doing?!” Atsushi demanded, rising slightly from his chair.

Dropping the mop, Todomatsu slid over to Sen, a finger-gun following the shape of his jaw as he grinned narcissistically. “My, what ever is the problem, Atsushi? Can you not see that I’m being as normal as I can be? I am flattered by this woman’s suggestion, and all I want is to make her feel welcome in these crowded, sorrowful Tokyo streets. You are quite a foreigner yourself, in a way, are you not, sweetheart?” He knelt down, grabbed her hand. “I apologize for the inconvenience, dear. You make my heart melt.” He kissed her hand—it was so soft. Like, so, so soft that it was impossible for something to be that soft.

She chuckled.

Atsushi sputtered.

And Todomatsu wanted to as well. Because he wanted to scream so badly and yank his soul out of his body for the stupid idea he had concocted. Because...Because...BECAUSE LOOK AT THIS! He was posing with that stupid grin of his stupid brother while wearing those stupid glasses and was talking in that stupid accent all because Karamatsu had ruined Todomatsu’s chances for work with a stupid mistake because of his stupid brain and—!

Okay, keep it together, Todomatsu. Look on the bright side. He was a janitor, he was cursed with this hex of Satan since the day Karamatsu left the womb. And this was unacceptable, more than being a baby brother that everyone looked down on! This woman...She could change that. Hell, she could turn him from a lowlife into the manager himself! If Todomatsu followed her guidelines, matched her standards, made himself the appealing man she wanted to view...Yes, this was going to be his debut as the boss of his own life!

And so what if Karamatsu was the key to that?! Karamatsu was the key to success, and no one cared for Karamatsu’s own failure! These NEETs were selfish bastards after all!

Heck, Todomatsu was that desperate! Yes! Yes! But he didn’t care, for everyday he was already dying with the thirst for change! Change in his life, change in his pathetic, why-am-I-alive existence! He had no friends—only acquaintances who would never stay longer than twenty minutes! His life was littered with five matching levels of garbage, sharing his bed and face that made him look as terrible as them! But he wasn’t! And he wasn’t going to be defined like that any freaking more!

Yes! Hell yes! This was the true form of this Todomatsu-sama, the one who will be the first of his NEETy brothers to find love alongside work! So what if he was a cursed janitor?! He was an official graduate from the status that had once colored him at the bottom of the caste system, and this woman was going to be his diploma! Hell yes, he won!

And there was even a plus. This girl was into this, and if he continued this painful persona he might have a chance to actually keep her. No more virginity for this youngest dirty monster, because he was going to be able to smash her and make her his by acting his part as the best boyfriend she could ask for! So what if she was a princess?! A lady of romance and theatrics and the arts?! She was still an unattainable woman who any of these stupid NEETs would pine for for ages! Lifetimes! A keeper to the max despite maybe bad taste in vocabulary, but that was besides the point!

Todomatsu could keep her. Hell, he can keep her. If he was this perfect cashier, he can keep her. Beat the hell out of his brothers, and become the true role model that Choromatsu and Osomatsu were far from being! All because he was a loser, therefore there was no one else he could grab! Because Iyayo and Chibimi were plastic dolls and Kinko was a woman of true culture...Because Totoko hated them like scum and Homura was in love with someone else...!

Hell yeah, there was so much he could gain, this baby demon of the Matsuno hellhole...All he needed to do now was act the part. Act the part.

What would Karamatsu say, and how can it be said for this woman’s attraction? Hm, he needed to summon his inner Karamatsu, if there even was one. Because just like the rest of his brothers, having an inner Karamatsu was like saying that they had a tree growing over their heads. It was impossible. Because having an inner Karamatsu was one of the things they as NEETs did not want to have.

But this woman. She wanted a Karamatsu.

Todomatsu smirked. Fine. For her, he’ll play the part.

“Have you always been a theatrical one, Todomatsu-san?” Sen asked, tucking a few collective strands of hair behind her ear after hiding her notebook and pen again. “Or is this a new thing after graduating?”

Hmm, how was he going to answer this? Should he be honest and tell her that the only thing he’s ever done involving theatre was dunk bird turd on someone’s script, or should he go with the Karamatsu flow and tell her that acting has always been a hobby since the day he could walk? What would this woman want to hear? Todomatsu pondered, forced his brain cells to click and tick and turn their gears...Hmm...

Then—

Todomatsu posed, raising an arm and bending another. “I had no plan!” he announced.

Sen’s mouth formed a tiny circle. Atsushi face-palmed.

“Heh, I’ve always went with the flow of my own wind, dear beautiful Sen,” Todomatsu enumerated smoothly, dropping the octaves of his voice, which wasn’t so hard. He was already gifted to have a deep voice whenever he yelled (something Choromatsu once mentioned to him, that rising, fapping loser), and so mimicking Karamatsu’s original tone wasn’t that difficult as an activity. That, and this woman had never met Karamatsu in person, so he had the safety of a thousand nets and trampolines to catch his sky-high fall.

“Theatrical arts, drama, cherry blossoms in the wind, a heart of blue.” Oh god, Todomatsu wanted to slap himself so hard, wanted to slice his tongue with a cleaver and haul it into the mouth of hell. Speaking Karamatsu was speaking the language of agony. If this was what being the childhood best friend of Karamatsu resulted in, then maybe it was better if none of that ever happened at all. “It was my mind, cured with the peacefulness of my being, that opened my existence in a fantasy worth exploring. The unknown. Skies and trees that breathe the air of purity that is being wiped from this earth. It tears my soul and rips my being into shreds.”

Atsushi snorted, turning away. That goon, Todomatsu was gonna deal with him later.

“Ooh, how poetic,” Sen commented, her hair bouncing as she tilted her head. “How did you gather your vocabulary?”

How did Karamatsu gather his vocabulary? How did Karamatsu gather his vocabulary? HOW DID KARAMATSU GATHER HIS VOCABULARY? When they were freaking kids, Karamatsu wasn’t even able to determine the differences between ‘limbs’ and ‘limbo’! How the hell did he come from that turd of an idiot into a man with a dictionary built into his throat?!

“Heh, by being myself,” Todomatsu answered painfully, trying not to reach over to wipe the sweat pooling behind his ears and running down his nape. “I’m a natural at my strengths, the best of my kind. Because I’m a loner, but at the same time I have my own hands to support me might I fall. Heh, I’m a tower of storms.”

“You definitely are. Very destructive too,” Atsushi chortled, eyes directed elsewhere but the killer’s promise of a glare on Todomatsu’s face.

“Wait a minute,” Sen said, a finger touching those beautiful lips of hers. “Todomatsu-san, have I seen you before? I thought you looked familiar and remembered that I saw someone looking like you yesterday. Were you at the park yesterday taking a swim in the river dressed in a yellow baseball uniform?”

Todomatsu flinched so hard that his soul felt like it had just poked the waves of an ocean made of lava. “No, that wasn’t me! It was a stranger, surely! I hate baseball, always have!”

“Only since today,” Atsushi muttered. Todomatsu was internally sending him two of his middle fingers which tips had holes for bullets.

“But the other day, I thought I saw you too?” Sen asked. “Wearing red this time. Playing at Pachinko? And you had a very large bruise on your face while you left the parlor crying. I assume you lost the gamble after getting into a fight?”

Shit! Damn you, Osomatsu! “Nope! Pachinko is not my turf in the slightest!” Todomatsu lied, puffing out his chest because he felt like deflating into an airless blob of rubber.

“Yet you won yesterday,” Atsushi stated quietly behind his hand.

“And also, in the mixer? I saw someone in pink looking like you leave it recently,” Sen followed up, crossing her arms. “Well, not to defy you or anything, but are you the mixer type really, Todomatsu-san? With your flair and all, your humble personality, I don’t think you need a mixer to determine your acquaintances and your friends.”

“Heh, fret not, my queen,” Todomatsu schmoozed, wanting to stab himself for each ‘heh’ he had to gag out. “This man here is still as packed with friends as a man can be.” Which was half true and half lie. Todomatsu was one with peers, but Karamatsu was a member of the trash gang. Meaning, friends were flies, and peers were the dirty streets that only cats were willing to walk because they too were stupid enough not to understand anything in life.

Sorry not sorry, Ichimatsu.

“Oh, alright then,” Sen said, then bowed. “I guess I was just thinking about your successful interview too much then.”

“Oh, it is quite fine,” Todomatsu fibbed, planting very sweaty hands against his hips. “I am alone in my features—there’s no one else like me at all. If there was, it’s probably a doppelgänger signaling death that looms over me. Therefore I am the one and only, Sen-chan. Todomatsu Matsuno.”

Atsushi turned away, shoulders shaking.

Sen chuckled. “If you say so, mister Matsuno. So, are you up for it, Todomatsu-san? Would you accept my invitation to be a cashier instead of a janitor?”

“Yes, my sweet! I am glad to oblige!” Todomatsu hollered, spreading out his arms. “I shall prepare myself for all the hi’s and hello’s I can offer to any passersby for this fine establishment! Give the word and I shall motion with the swift energy of lightning!” Smirking painfully, he posed, spreading his legs out, resting one of his elbows over his other hand, and he flicked his bangs before sending Sen a finger gun. “Like lightning. Bang.” He inched his fingertip.

Atsushi exploded into full-on laughter.

“Alright then,” Sen said, nervously cutting Atsushi a look as she slowly retreated into the staff room. “I’ll let them know, so wait here. Let me make the arrangements for you, alright?”

“Heh. You are the true Samaritan, dearest Sen,” Todomatsu gritted out with the flawless character of his brother.

Then waving, Sen closed the door behind her.

Todomatsu snapped.

“What the hell is wrong with you, you turd-hole?!” he yelled, gripping Atsushi’s dark collar and shaking him with the mercy of a madman. “Stop making me look as transparent as I already am! It’s bad enough that I need to be that stupid-as-hell brother in order to win back my pride, moron! And don’t question how I can impersonate the goon, and I too want to straight-up murder my past self for ever thinking that being friends with that painful Shittymatsu was a good idea! So shut the hell up!”

“Yo, Totty!” Atsushi called out, still smiling through the force shoving him back and forth. “Why didn’t you just tell her no? You don’t have to put up a Karamatsu everyday if you don’t want to! Be a janitor in freedom! It’s still worth it!”

“And let myself still look like an effing NEET in the process?! Not a chance!” Todomatsu fumed, releasing Atsushi and pouting, folding his arms. “You won’t understand. You have everything already. Why not just be a comrade and let me have this? I know it sucks and it hurts and it’s painful as fu—!” Pausing, he doubled over, and he vomited a waterfall of glitters onto the floor. The Karamatsu was really getting into him.

“I’m not telling you anything,” Atsushi said, shrugging casually as Todomatsu straightened up again, wiping his lips. “If you want to or not, it’s your choice. You’re the only one balancing on your own lifeline. Each choice you make affects you, and there’s no one else that can do anything about it.”

“Meh, I guess that’s true.” Finally, Todomatsu had the urge to pull Karamatsu’s sunglasses off his face to look at. Just the blue of them reflecting the light from the restaurant made him want to snap them and toss them out into the Bermuda Triangle. “Still though. If it makes me get more than what I already have, Imma be up for the challenge. Time to be Karamatsu-niisan.” He returned the shades. “I dunno how long I can pull this off—if I do at all.”

Atsushi snorted. “Wish you luck. How long you can keep this up will color me curious as well.”

~~~

One week. It was one entire week of painful dialogue and flamboyant posing. It was one week with Todomatsu being responsible for those awful sunglasses that Karamatsu had been looking for whenever they came back home after days under Akatsuka Ward’s sun. It was one week of heh’s and hm’s, and each time Todomatsu wanted to throw a fit and dump on a table the same way Ichimatsu would. He was angry, he was embarrassed, he just wanted to end his suffering with a knife to the chest or whatever lame shtick.

“You’re doing great, Todomatsu-san,” Sen would tell him, and it was kind of true. Customers did seem very satisfied with Karamatsu’s dialogue floating to their ears, and it made Todomatsu question humanity in its intelligence. It was either he was dumb or the world was dumb, and he voted for the latter due to his excessive pride. That, and he needed reassurance of something, because working as a cashier mimicking his older brother didn’t deduce the NEETiness he felt like was still sewn into his system.

He didn’t answer any questions from anyone else though. If it were Aida and Sachiko that were close by in their shifts, Todomatsu would be able to cut away the sheets of Karamatsu’s ghost long enough for him to be normal, the same Todomatsu ‘Totty’ Matsuno that the two baristas knew. As for his brothers, he was always mopey when taking orders from them if they ever came, and they always left Sutabaa with knowledge only on the purchased drink rather than the persona that broke loose with other customers. Todomatsu was glad of the stupidity of Jyushimatsu and the lack of comment from Ichimatsu.

And then...The day came.

“One strawberry latte for Nishimiya,” Sen announced, scribbling the name on a large cup with a black marker.

“Heh. Blueberry cheesecake for Shimizu,” Todomatsu added, wanting to let a large portion of glittery vomit escape his throat again. “Kindly help yourselves to table four, my dear. You wait there for the meantime—your hunger will be satisfied momentarily.” He lowered his sunglasses, winking. And when the customer smiled at him in appreciation, it was obvious she didn’t notice how much pressure Todomatsu had to put into his muscles just to make himself appear his way.

“Right, Totty, right?” Sen left the table, handing the cup to him. “I’ll be on my break now. Can I leave it to you?”

“Heh. If that may assist thy fatigue, I’d be willing to move mountains for you.” Shoot, shoot, SHOOT! Just kill him already, Akatsuka-sensei so he didn’t have to do this bullhooey anymore! But this ‘bullhooey’ seemed to deem him fine for now as Sen bobbed her head, entering himself into the opposite room as she closed her door.

The bell above the Sutabaa entrance chimed.

A sigh.

Time stopped for Todomatsu, and for a moment there was nothing he could do but transform into a frozen block of ice. But his recovery was swift, and before notice Todomatsu took off his sunglasses as a pair of leather-sleeved elbows propped themselves on the counter.

“Good morning, Todomatsu,” Karamatsu said, smiling sadly at his brother. Sadly? Why sadly? Shoot, that meant he was going to blow up into painful monologuing territory that will be sure to either end his life, or Todomatsu’s. Bullsh—“I’d just want a coffee, please. Extra sugar, maybe?” Karamatsu went on, devoid of joy.

Todomatsu gulped. “Ah, right. Wh...Why are you here, Karamatsu-niisan?” His gaze darted through the area, hoping for no familiar faces to question him and his conversation with his lookalike brother. Thank goodness the timing had Sen leaving for a while before anything else bad could happen, because Todomatsu swore to Cod, bad stuff was indeed going to happen.

“Need a little time to think, perhaps?” Karamatsu said, lowering his own blue sunglasses. It was a fun thought, Todomatsu imagined, to continuously rid Karamatsu of any of his glasses by breaking them in half or tossing them into a gorge, but a spare would always find themselves on his face the following day. Wonder how many he had tucked in their closet? His entire allowance, most likely. No wonder he has only his 10% chances of winning in pachinko.

Karamatsu continued, “Because there was this very beautiful woman, and for a while I might’ve called her mine, but...” He gripped his elbows with opposite hands, fingers sinking into his sleeves, “she rejected my confession,” he squeezed out.

Todomatsu remained unfazed. Alright. So? Todomatsu didn’t give a dang about Karamatsu’s tragic love story. “So you thought that coming here to mope would be a good idea? Why not just follow Osomatsu-niisan in Pachinko or go fishing with Choromatsu-niisan?”

“Heh. They had their own activities planned for this lonely afternoon,” Karamatsu told him, and Todomatsu felt the horror of old English penetrating through him. “And is it wrong that I wanted to spend time with my dear littlest brother? I missed days where we trekked the world solo. I guessed that maybe time with him again would lift my soul from the pits in where it has fallen into. Crammed with skeletons...O-Oh, Totty! My heart is weeping, my brother!” He extended his arms and tightened them around Todomatsu, pulling the younger man towards him before sobbing on his shoulder.

Todomatsu went rigid, praying to everyone in the skies listening not to have anyone barge in during this absolutely humiliating moment of Todomatsu’s probable fall from grace.

“And she was a delicate flower too!” Karamatsu wept, clinging to Todomatsu with all his might. Cod, the counter edge was digging into Todomatsu’s stomach...! “Beautiful and compassionate and oh! Such an ideal diamond, brother! And yet I was not anything to her!” He wailed, breathing jagged as he mashed his face onto Todomatsu’s collar, letting it absorb his misery.

“Ugh! Keep it down, Shittymatsu!” Todomatsu hissed, prepping his hands over Karamatsu’s chest in preparation to push him away. “I’m at work, for crying out loud! And what kind of idiot customer walks up to the cashier to cry? Are you that stupid?”

Thankfully preserving the need for Todomatsu to do the deed himself, Karamatsu released his younger brother, leveling Todomatsu’s gaze with confusion setting as the emotion in his tear-filled eyes. “Umm...Cashier? I thought you were a janitor?”

Oh, Cod-damn it. Todomatsu cringed. Karamatsu didn’t know yet, couldn’t know, will never ever know...! If he knew who knew what kind of shtick Todomatsu will have to put up with and what kind of life he will forever be living with regret and—!

The staff room door opened. “Totty! I think I forgot my wallet here and—” Sen paused, staring at the brothers before flinching. “Oh! Sorry! I didn’t think there was a customer! Please, carry on, sir! You...!” Her eyebrows furrowed as she trailed off, gears clicking in her head. “...look exactly like Totty. Are you brothers? And he’s got a leather jacket and...Huh?”

Karamatsu blinked, thick brows curved questioningly. “Yes, I’m his brother. And are you...? Totty, are you alright, my dear brother?”

Holy crap! Cod, crap-crap-crap! Todomatsu felt his blood run dry. “Ah, yeah! Karamatsu! Sen-chan! I, um, heh!” He suddenly grabbed Karamatsu’s wrist and dragged him off, not waiting for anything else as he led Karamatsu out the Sutabaa door and outside the building to its side. Behind a wall, where no one sale might see them. Might. Because no one important was going to need glancing at a pair of brothers that looked closest to being members of slavery in the caste system.

Which they were, mind you. But not Todomatsu, if Karamatsu decided not to screw things up.

“Huh? Todomatsu, what’s going on?” Karamatsu asked as Todomatsu parted his grip on Karamatsu, massaging his temper and tingling veins for tranquility that didn’t want to come.

“Look. I can explain some other time, but for now, just effing follow my lead, got it, niisan?” Todomatsu ordered lowly, cautious for stares. Sen, the manager, Aida, Sachiko, or any of their foolish brothers. “I am the cool one, you’re the same loser as you always were. Picture yourself when you were eighteen, or just think about your heartbreak. You’re a goner from life. And you have no idea how to speak with your normal, flashy speech patterns.”

Karamatsu was nothing but confused. “Eh?”

Scoffing irritably, Todomatsu snatched the glasses from Karamatsu’s face and put them on himself, then proceeded to take off Karamatsu’s leather jacket from his brother’s body. That stupid shirt had the painful man’s face on it...! Alright, he can find a way around that. All he needed to do was be creative. Karamatsu was already an actor of some sort, so there was no need to...! Bah! Freaking heck with it! Making up stories was never difficult when you grew up as a liar!

Todomatsu flipped the leather jacket over his own shoulders and lifted his chin at Karamatsu.

“Todomatsu?” Sen called out. “Are you two over here?”

Just in time. Todomatsu elbowed Karamatsu’s gut, and after a grunt from him, Todomatsu said, “Follow. My. Lead. Or I’m going to burn all of your clothes before you even blink again.”

“Eh? Uh, ‘kay,” Karamatsu hesitantly agreed.

“Totty? Ah, there you two are.” Sen made herself visible as she stepped out of the corner turn. And being able to now see them openly, she stopped walking, for good reason. “Um, is this a bad time?”

“No, not at all,” Todomatsu said, speaking with an impression of his brother as he tried to wave a hand with dismissal. Cod, he could already smell the cologne. “It’s my brother here. It’s not much, but I find it quite unruly of him to root through my clothing without my permission. I’m just trying to set him straight for it again. Apologies, Sen-chan.”

“Eh?!” Karamatsu half-gasped, only faltering when he saw the stiletto aimed at him in Todomatsu’s glare. “Ah, yeah, sorry about that,” he said lightly, timidly. “I was, uh...Going through a phase? I wanted to be, uh, like him.” He pointed at Todomatsu limitedly. Todomatsu jerked his head slightly. Doing great, you lame actor. Karamatsu-niisan.

“Ah, I don’t think I should be here then,” Sen amended, backing away from them with a light flush and an apologetic smile. “If this is something personal, the last thing I want to do is walk in on your talk.”

“Heh, we’re fine, my dear. Kindly decrease your pressure on our situation,” Todomatsu soothed in a baritone, Karamatsu’s jaw lowering beside him as his eyes dilated. “We will report back to the main cafe shortly. My brother here, must only receive a brief scolding. We will be fine, such as we always can be. Right, my dear brother Karamatsu?”

Karamatsu sniffed, taking his palms to the corners of his eyes. “Cod, you’ve adapted so much...!” he sniveled proudly, and defeatedly, to Sen’s ears. “I’m so proud of you, Totty!”

Todomatsu felt a vein bob under his skin. When they were alone, he was going to kill this man.

But for the meantime, he said, “Oh, do not weep, brother! Forgiveness is always a virtue in our bloodline! I will not hold your prejudices against you! Instead, come into my arms as I will blanket you with comfort that will leave you spellbound in my affection!” And as much as he didn’t want to do it, Todomatsu spread out his arms, which were immediately touching not the air anymore but Karamatsu as he threw himself against Todomatsu’s chest.

“You sound like me! I’m so happy!” Karamatsu cried, though gratefully softly enough for Sen not to hear.

“Can it, niisan,” Todomatsu hissed in reply. “If you mess up the act none of us will be able to walk this earth again without regret dragging our ankles. Just continue being this emotional and we’ll be fine. Make me look cool here.”

“Okay, brother. I...Wait...If you’re acting like me and telling me to make you look cool...” Karamatsu hiccuped. “Does that mean you think I’m cool?” he sobbed out desperately.

Todomatsu choked, his entire body warming as his face fell red. “N-No! You’re not cool! There’s a reason for all of this and I—!”

“I’ll just leave now,” Sen said, wagging her hand as her shoes planted themselves on the ground behind her. “You two sort yourselves out. I’ll be glad to cover you for a bit, Totty, if you need time to settle things out.”

“Your heart truly was mantled from Hephaestus’s golden chamber,” Todomatsu rasped, his body and mind matted with sequins on wounds.

Karamatsu buried his head in deeper, squeezing Todomatsu tighter as Sen dipped her head and vanished from sight. Only then did Todomatsu grind his teeth together and shove Karamatsu off him, making the older man stumble back and catch himself by a pillar, blinking wetly at Todomatsu.

“Okay, enough,” Todomatsu said tersely, eyelids weighing down unamused as his arms interlaced parallel to his torso. “Karamatsu-niisan, can you please not tell anyone of this, ever? I’m gonna tell you everything, but swear to me that all this is to be kept between us. If anything comes out, your head will be what our brothers will see at the dinner table later tonight.”

“Of course! If there’s a secret, I promise of sealed lips that I would take with me to my tombstone!” Karamatsu vowed, a fist connecting to his left breast. “Reveal all you need to, my brother! I await your words.”

“Cod, that’s so painful,” Todomatsu wheezed, then cleared his throat afterwards, lowering the sunglasses for solid eye contact. “I was given the chance to become a cashier because they thought I was you. Or at least, you were me, but I think you might have an idea. They really liked your speaking patterns from the interview, and wanted that to be the first thing that customers heard when entering Sutabaa. So assuming I was you, and wanting to rise from a crappy janitor, I pretended to be you so that I can achieve that higher position. It’s my rise in the caste system, honestly. It’s all I ever wanted.”

“T...Totty...” Karamatsu breathed.

“Iya-ya, it’s not much,” Todomatsu promised, gesturing for emphasis. “But I thought it was the only shot I got. I understood you enough that it wasn’t really hard to be like you, so that was the least of my problems. But of course, it was painful as hell, since the entire week had me trying to be someone I’m not. I guess I...I...” Then the realization, for the first time, hit him, and he wrinkled the leather jacket in his hands, smacked it to the ground, and turned to walk away.

But then there was a hand clamping around his wrist, and Karamatsu had stopped Todomatsu from going any further with his promising hold. “Oi. You aren’t going without finishing that sentence, Todomatsu,” he said sternly.

“They like you more than me,” Todomatsu spat out brokenly.

Karamatsu’s reply was his muteness.

“Think about it, niisan. If it were just you trying to be me before, it would’ve landed me as nothing but a plain old janitor if nothing at all,” Todomatsu blabbered, a finger pushing up the shades as he averted his gaze to his feet. “But when you broke into you, I got the chance of being a cashier again. And now the only reason I’m keeping the job is because I’ve been trying to be you. If I were being me, what would I even be contributing to society? Nothing. Maybe that’s why I lost the job in the first place.”

Karamatsu was still holding him firmly.

“Never mind. I’m babbling nonsense you won’t understand. Sorry, Karamatsu-niisan.” Todomatsu used his free hand to rescue his eyes from the blue lenses that were casting his surroundings in aqua. Then he took Karamatsu’s other hand and pressed their surface on them, securing his fake identity with its true owner once again. “I’ll just return to work now. Pretend that you finally won over me so that they don’t ask why I’m me instead of you.”

“Totty.”

Todomatsu exhaled softly. “Hm?”

“Is that why my glasses have been disappearing all week?”

“...yes.”

“So I guess...It’s best you have your own pair, right?” Karamatsu chuckled, handing back his sunglasses. “You still need to pretend to be me, right? And I still need to pretend to be someone else?”

Todomatsu inclined his head, surprise painting him. “Eh? What do you mean? I’m giving you back your identity, you dimwit, trying to live with mine. Are you so agreeing that it’s better I fake myself instead? Is that how much I suck to you?”

“Far, Todomatsu,” Karamatsu stated steadily. “It’s because I learned before that you can learn when you pretend to be someone else. By being in someone else’s shoes, you come to realize how much there is to love about yourself. Is that not true? Is my painful personality not something you cannot stand? It is, and that’s why you even think of yourself as better than me. The last thing I want is you to think of yourself so lowly because of my accomplishments.

“Todomatsu, you were sick the day I came to the interview as you. But remember, that was the second interview. Sutabaa managed to accept you once, and was willing to do so again after you dropped out when we humiliated you. If they had seen you for who you truly were, then I’m certain that they would still be ready to welcome you again as the real Todomatsu Matsuno as you are.”

“Then...Why did you want to give me these...?” Todomatsu gasped out, trailing his thumbs over the dark blue lenses of the shades.

“I wanted to teach you that lesson,” Karamatsu said, shrugging casually with a small smirk. “But I just explained the mechanics in my agenda, so there’s no use for that now. I think it’s best you just return to Sutabaa again as yourself instead of a clone of me. Because, brother. You’re surprisingly good at it.”

“Gee, thanks,” Todomatsu said, his heart finally softening free from whatever claws had once gripped it. “I’m sorry I threw your jacket like that.”

“There’s always the laundry. Don’t worry about that.” Karamatsu laughed. “Come now, brother. I still have my coffee in the waiting, do I not? Please treat your brother to something to warm his insides from the Antarctica waters in which it has drowned.”

“Ugh, fine,” Todomatsu said, but not harshly, before looking down at the shades. “Are these really mine now though? I think they match your face better than mine. And I think they will miss you if they were gone.” Grinning, he hung the sunglasses from Karamatsu’s top, then stood back with satisfaction, hands pressed to his waist.

“Heh. Thank you, Todomatsu,” Karamatsu said, chuckling.

Then together, they went back to the entrance of Sutabaa, opening the door as Todomatsu cried out, “Sen-chan! We’re back! And we have a coffee pending for—!”

“Oh hey, you two!” Osomatsu greeted, hands in the pocket of his hoodie as he stood in front of the counter, Sen at the other side. “I was actually gonna ask where you were, Karamatsu! I heard you were working here in Sutabaa and I was curious to know if it was true!”

Todomatsu and Karamatsu gaped in unison. “Eh?!”

“But I guess I was wrong,” Osomatsu said, rubbing his nose with a finger. “Totty’s wearing the uniform. Now you make me wanna ask about the rumors: why was I hearing of a Sutabaa cashier who uses Karamatsu slang every time he gets an order? I didn’t wanna believe it, and I still don’t, but maybe I should be realizing that since it’s both of you involved! Of course Totty would have the best impersonation other than Jyushimatsu—you two were besties as kids, right? So it’s safe to say that you were looking up to Karamatsu for a while, Totty!” Osomatsu laughed.

Todomatsu’s stomach coiled. “B-But—!”

“Is that true, Todomatsu-san?” Sen asked, frowning a little.

“It’s gotta be, right?” Osomatsu continued. “Totty would do anything to get what he wants. If being a ‘Karamatsu’ would help him in his salary, then he’d do it. Just like he’d lie to other Sutabaa employees that he was from a university so big when all he was was a NEET. It’s simple—he’s a demon for a reason.”

“Wait,” Sen said, frown deepening. “Does this mean that it wasn’t Todomatsu at the interview? But Karamatsu?”

“Hah? Totty never went to any interview,” Osomatsu exposed obliviously, unaware of the jaws on the floor from the two brothers standing next to him. “Ha-ha! Sen-chan, right? You’re making me laugh here! Don’t tell me you mistook Karamatsu for Totty! I mean, I might, but they’re brothers, so identity thief shenanigans is a thing and so cheating is not hard!”

Sen stared. So did Karamatsu. Todomatsu felt his entire body burn into ashes.

~~~

Todomatsu’s butt slammed on the sidewalk from the force of the hands that had previously shoved him out of the building.

Karamatsu immediately went to his side. “Totty! Wh-What did they tell you, my brother?”

Todomatsu clicked his tongue. “I got fired.”

Karamatsu’s face fell.

“Welp, all in a day’s work, right?” Osomatsu said, spinning his heels and going ahead. “Hey, I won a bit in pachinko, by the way. Wanna try using that in some of the races? We might get half as much if I use my detective brain again to read between the lines!” He laughed. “Just like I did with you two idiots.”

Todomatsu ground his teeth. He really was surrounded by demons.

#osomatsu san #osomatsu-san #fanfic #bits of my brothers #zaimokumatsu #zaimoku #karamatsu matsuno #karamatsu #todomatsu matsuno #todomatsu #osomatsu matsuno #osomatsu #atsushi #hope ya’ll like it xD