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flawedamythyst · 2 years

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A Bit Of A Clothes Horse

Couldn’t stop thinking about Stede having to build up his wardrobe again, post-Reconciliation.

The fight was all over. The crew of the ship were all subdued by the main mast with Fang and Wee John looking over them, and Jim and Roach had brought up the passengers who had been cowering below decks.

Ed had got in the habit of letting Stede lead this part of proceedings, both to even things up because Ed still insisted on Stede staying back while he took charge during the actual raiding parts, and because it always tickled him pink to see how confused their victims were by Stede’s attitude.

“Good afternoon! I’m Stede Bonnet, the Gentleman Pirate, and I’ll be the one pillaging you today, along with my Co-Captain, the incomparable Blackbeard.”

He made gesture at Ed, which was his prompt to give a little bow and fix anyone who didn’t look sufficiently terrified with the old crazy eyes. There were a couple of gasps, and at least one whimper.

“My crew will be going through the ship for anything of value, but I thought you might like the personal touch for this part of the robbery,” continued Stede. “I wouldn’t want you to think I don’t appreciate your important role in proceedings!”

He beamed around at them. They all just stared back.

“And so, if you’d all just like to remove any jewellery or watches, I’ll come round myself to relieve you of them.” Stede pulled a midnight blue velvet bag out of his pocket, which he’d had Frenchie sew for specifically this purpose, and gave it a little flourish. Ed couldn’t have loved him more.

He did have his own role to play in this part of their pageantry, though, and couldn’t get too distracted by just gazing at Stede with his heart in his eyes. He stepped forward, and glowered at them all. “Don’t even think about holding anything back,” he said. “I’da sooner stab you as look at you, I’d love any fucking excuse.”

There was another whimper and one mildly shocked noise at his language, from a particularly foppish-looking middle-aged man in the front row. Ed made sure to fix his next mad-man-on-the-brink-of-a-rampage glare at him.

“Lovely!” said Stede, clapping his hands as they all slowly started taking off rings and necklaces. “Let’s keep this all nice and easy shall we? The sooner we’ve robbed you blind, the sooner we’ll be on our way and you can start processing through the trauma.”

He started going around the group, bag held out, while Ed stood back and looked threatening, while mostly just admiring Stede’s legs in his special raiding breeches.

“Ah, yes, there we go, just in the bag please, lovely. Oh, I think you’ve just forgotten those earrings, they’re a bit hidden behind your hair, if you could...yes, there we go. Hello, what do you have? That’s lovely, thank you, just- Oh! Oh, Ed, come and look at this.”

Ed tore his eyes away from Stede’s arse and wandered over to see what had caught his eye. He was standing in front of a man who had been standing near the back of the group - cowering, even, if Ed was to give it a name. Stede had his hand on his coat sleeve and was gently stroking in a way that made jealousy instantly flush through the whole of Ed’s body. He fixed a glare at the man that made him blanch white with fear.

“Ed! Touch this!” said Stede, happily oblivious. “Feel how soft it is!”

Ed reached out and gently touched the jacket. “S’that silk?” he asked.

“Yes,” said Stede, “The very highest quality, look at the expert weaving here. And the embroidery! These details are just beautiful.”

Ed looked. The coat was a light blue-green that he’d seen Stede wear before, back before almost all his clothes had ended up in the sea. The embroidery around the lapels and cuffs was in silver, delicately picking out swirls and flourishes.

“This has to have come from Europe,” said Stede. “France, even?”

He looked at the man, who seemed to be frozen stiff as two notorious pirates gently fondled his jacket. “Uh, yes,” he stuttered. “France, exactly. There’s a boutique in Paris I went to, they made it up for me.”

“Paris!” exclaimed Stede and leaned in closer. “Oh gosh! You’ve just come from there?”

The man nodded a few too many times.

“Oh yes, I can see, your cravat, is that Flemish lace? Look, Ed, you can see their distinctive style, here, and here.”

Ed looked, and it just looked like any other bit of lace to him, although maybe a tad daintier. “Looks nice.”

“Yes,” agreed Stede. “It really does.”

He took a step back and eyed the man over. “Would you mind unbuttoning so I can see your waistcoat properly?”

The man clearly did mind but his fingers moved to his jacket buttons anyway, fumbling a couple of times as he opened them. Stede took in the waistcoat underneath and let out a quiet sigh of contentedness that Ed usually only heard in bed. “Oh, look, Ed, periwinkles. So beautifully done!”

Periwinkles turned out to be a kind of flower, tiny and blue. The waistcoat was very fine, and must have taken some poor seamstress hours and hours.

“I suppose if you were in Paris, you took the chance to get a full wardrobe?” Stede said to the man. “I’ve always dreamed of going, visiting all the fashion houses, but I’m sure I’d have to buy a second boat just to bring it all back if I ever did!”

Ed immediately began trying to work out the logistics on getting Stede to Paris with a heap of gold to spend on fancy clothes.

“It was wonderful,” said the man, apparently relaxing slightly as it didn’t seem like he was immediately about to be stabbed. “I spent rather too much, I’m sure my father will be horrified once I’m back in Virginia.”

“Oh yes, I’m sure he will be,” said Stede, still staring at the clothes. He looked the man up and down in an assessing way that made Ed bristle, then said, “What do you think Ed? He’s about my size, isn’t he?”

Ed looked back at the man, who had tensed up again. The coat and waistcoat would fit Stede fine, but the breeches might be a bit tight.

Which was just how Ed liked breeches on Stede, if he were being honest. “Yeah, looks good, mate.”

Stede beamed. “Wonderful! If you could just take everything off, then.”

“What?!”

Stede twirled his hand impatiently. “Come on, come on, all of it off.”

“But...there are ladies present!”

Stede looked over at the handful of women in the party, who were watching proceedings with the same blank stare that everyone else was while the Revenge’s crew moved around them, pulling out all the supplies and other valuables from the hold.

“So there are,” said Stede. “They all looked fairly sensible though, I’m sure they can cope.” He looked back at the man. “Come on, now, I don’t want to have to get bloodstains on any of it.”

That was enough of a threat for the man to start moving, taking off the jacket and handing it to Stede, and then moving to unbutton his waistcoat.

Stede stroked a hand over the coat with obvious delight, then held it up to himself to check the fit. “Oh yes, perfect,” he said happily. “Which cabin is yours?”

“Oh, the second portside one,” said the man, and then hesitated. “Why?”

Stede gave him a blooming grin that Ed could see the edge of devilish amusement to, and wanted to just ravish him there and then. He refrained, mostly to avoid damaging Stede’s new coat and getting into trouble.

“Frenchie!” called Stede. “Can you make sure we get all the clothes in the second portside cabin? You know how to take care of nice fabrics, don’t you?”

“Of course, Captain!” said Frenchie. “I’m on it like a...Stede Bonnet!” He gave a little flourish and hurried off below decks.

The man made a sad little noise and his shoulders dropped. “All of them?” he said mournfully.

Stede patted his shoulder comfortingly. “At least you won’t have to tell your father you spent all his money on clothes. Just tell him you were very frugal and brining most of it back, but it was stolen by a pair of dastardly pirates.” He frowned and rubbed his hand back over the man’s shoulder. “Oh dear,” he said. “This shirt just doesn’t match the quality of the rest of the outfit. You know, it’s false economy to think that just because it’s mostly hidden by the rest, you can buy a cheap shirt for a nice suit. People can always tell.“

Ed had to turn away from the hopeless and bewildered look the man gave Stede or risk starting to laugh and breaking his Blackbeard façade. Instead, he took the velvet bag from Stede and carried on to the rest of the passengers, grabbing anything that looked expensive.

Stede stayed with the man, getting his stockings off him, and then trying on his shoes before reluctantly deciding they were too small for him.

He took them anyway because, “I’m sure someone on the crew can get some use out of them, and the buckles are very elegant.”

Two weeks ago, Stede had let a woman keep a golden locket just because she said it contained the only image she had of her dead child (although he had taken the chain, which was now around Ed’s neck.) Three days ago, he let a crew keep half their gunpowder because, ‘There are some scoundrels in the area, you might need it.’ And yet, today he was stripping a guy to his underwear and literally stealing the coat off his back.

He really was Ed’s favourite lunatic.

#our flag means death #ofmd #Stede Loves Clothes #Ed Loves Stede #They both love stealing shit #My fic #ficlets

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