#fell in love with this man in the course of 20k words let me tell you | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jenonctcity · 4 years

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Shadows In The Snow

Lee Jeno – Smut/Fluff/Angst

Prince!Au, Royalty!Au

Warnings: Mentions of Anxiety/Panic Attacks, Explicit Sex, Mild Violence, Mentions of Character Death, Mentions of Illness.

Word Count: 20k

(This is NOT part of the Charia Kingdom Series. This is a completely different story and is not related to that series at all.)

An arranged marriage between the Prince of the Northern Kingdom and the Princess of the Southern Kingdom came as a surprise to both of them. Neither of them had wanted the forced marriage, but being under the thumbs of their parents, they both had no choice. The Princess is sent to the Northern Kingdom to live alongside her future husband but is met by a reluctant and cold Prince. Not wanting to know his bride, he’s distant and mean, not caring if she gets offended or upset by his actions. How does he react after a severe turn of events happen? Love or Hatred? Prince Jeno questions everything in his head and comes to a final conclusion about his future.

You could remember the first time you stepped foot into the castle of the Northern Kingdom. The air was warm despite the cold bite of the weather outside, the rooms lit up brightly making the place feel welcoming, and the entrance hall so pristine it was almost glowing. Of course, the palace you grew up in was just as lavish as the palace the Lee family lived in, but it felt like you were stepping into a whole new world. Whereas your home was filled with warm colours to match the humidity and setting of your Southern Kingdom, the interior of the palace in the Northern Kingdom matched the snow that fell from the sky and laid thick on the ground. The only warm colour was that of the candles lit inside lanterns that lined the walls, and the gold that mixed in amongst the white. Not much natural light came through the windows from the flurry of snow that fell from the sky blocking the sun. That was five years ago, and it still felt exactly the same to you, apart from this time you had a gut wrenching feeling of anxiety from the lack of comfort you felt. Before you had been surrounded by royals you didn’t even know the name of, lords and ladies, and people who had a stupid amount of money. This time you only had Mark, a royal servant, as your company. From what you could gather, he was a kind man, and you could only assume he was Prince Jeno’s personal assistant. He was dressed in typical servant attire, his black suit being quite the contrast to the white interior of the halls he walked you down. Before you had been in the palace for a ball. One that would mix the future heirs of the Kingdoms together in hopes of possible alliances and marriages. Now you were walking down the halls of the Kingdom to meet your future husband.

When your father had graced the news upon you that you, the Princess of the South, would be marrying Jeno, the Prince of the North, you’d actually been rather excited. You’d met the Prince once before at a ball his family held in their castle. He’d asked you to dance and before you knew it, he was whisking you around the dance floor at the age of fifteen with his hand in your own. He was very sweet from what you could remember. His boyishly handsome face and adorable eye smile being imprinted in your memory as a crush on him bloomed in your stomach. After the dance, he’d bowed to you and pressed a kiss to the back of your gloved hand. You hadn’t seen him since that night, and now you were nervous for your reunion with the blond Prince. The people of the Northern Kingdom were known to have black hair that stood out amongst the bright snow, however, the royal family all had light coloured hair, it running in the family for generations. You knew this from all the portraits on the walls that had golden plaques highlighting the names of each royal family member. You were brought out of your thoughts by the muffled sound of shouting coming from behind a closed door. Your eyebrows furrowed in curiosity as Mark stopped in front of the door. This led you to believe the aggressive voice behind the oak door was that belonging to Prince Jeno. Mark hesitated, the voice as clear as day, and he didn’t know whether to take you away or to follow the strict instructions he had of taking you to meet the Prince. Your palms started to sweat as you listened to the deep voice.

“I won’t do it. You can’t force me to marry some random girl I’ve never even met!” His voice echoed around the room and into the hall where you stood. You felt a hot flush run through you, and you doubted it was from the warmer clothes you’d been stuffed into upon arriving in the cold kingdom.

“I can and I am.” A softer voice retorted, not sounding at all phased by the argument at hand. “You have met her.”

“Well obviously she isn’t that special since I can’t remember her.” The voice growled before a thud of wood hitting the marble floor sounded.

“Stop acting like a child and take on the responsibilities of a Prince. You’re an adult now Jeno and you better start acting like it.” You looked down at your feet, refusing to look up at Mark as you felt embarrassed from hearing all of this. Sadness flooded your body; all the excitement having been drained from you upon hearing the argument between the Prince and what you could only assume was the King.

“Fuck. You.” The deep voice growled before the sound of skin slapping skin echoed through the room, a dead silence followed that. Mark was frozen on the spot, not wanting to interrupt but feeling guilty for listening in. You felt bad for the young servant. He was clearly stuck between a rock and a hard place.

“Don’t you dare speak to your father like that ever again Jeno.” A soft but stern voice of a woman piped up.

“I’m sorry Princess, I didn’t mean for you to hear that.” Mark whispered and when no one spoke from behind the door, Mark used this as an opportunity to knock on the door. You bowed your head to him and tried your best to plaster on a fake smile despite the heartache you were feeling beneath.

“Come in.” The woman’s voice spoke, and Mark opened the door.

“Your majesties,” He bowed to the King and Queen, then turned to Prince Jeno. “Your highness,” He bowed to him and then cleared his throat. “Princess (Y/N) of the Southern Kingdom has arrived.” He stepped out of the way to reveal your nervous figure. You bowed to them and continued to keep your fake smile on your face. You glanced over at Prince Jeno timidly. The first thing you noticed was the bright red mark on his cheek from where he’d been struck by the Queen. Then you noticed the hard look on his face. He looked at you like he wanted you to tumble to your death off of a cliff, like you meant absolutely nothing to him. You also noticed how handsome he’d grown to be. He had deep eyes that you wanted to get lost in but stopped yourself from doing, his strong jaw making his cold expression look even more severe and his pink lips forming a hard line. He was wearing his white and gold uniform, you thought he probably had to be forced into it due to his reluctance to fulfil his Princely duty of marrying you. He had also grown a lot since the last time you saw him, his now tall frame looking daunting to you as his broad shoulders were clearly tensed up. His blond hair was parted off of his forehead and he had a crown perched on top of his head. Your smile faltered and you averted your gaze quickly, then noticing the chair that was upturned on the floor. That must have been the wooden noise you’d heard clattering from behind the door.

“Welcome my dear!” The Queen smiled a wide smile quickly, approaching you with her arms out. When she got to you, she cupped your cheeks and looked into your eyes. She didn’t say anything, but she could tell by the wateriness of them that you’d heard everything that had just been said. “Did you have a safe journey?” She tried to distract you and lift your spirits, her stomach fluttering in guilt at her son’s behaviour. She looked at your long-sleeved dress that went down to your feet. The thick, red material being a symbol of your Kingdom’s red flag. “Are you warm enough? I know how much different it must be from the heat of your Kingdom.”

“Yes, your majesty.” You spoke quietly and gave her a weak smile. She let go of your cheeks and instead took your hand into one of her own.

“Let me introduce you to my family.” You’d never met the King and Queen before, but you’d seen them from afar those many years ago when you’d attended the ball they held at their palace. They both hadn’t aged a day from what you could remember, their faces looking youthful with slight age marks around their eyes. The Queen was probably one of the most beautiful women you’d ever laid eyes on. You felt like dirt compared to her and tried to push back the self-conscious feeling you felt. She had long blonde hair that was dead straight and stopped at her waist, two braids met in the middle of her head to keep her hair out of her face and the golden crown she had on top of her head gave her an ethereal look. You knew that she was too in your position once, but you doubted it went down the same way as it was in that moment. You wondered if she was chosen to marry the King because of her blonde hair, assuming the Royal family wanted to keep up the gene of them all being light haired. Gazing at the Queen made you long for your own mother, the Queen of the Southern Kingdom. You gulped back the lump in your throat and looked at the King as she introduced him.

“This is my husband, the King of the Northern Kingdom.” He bowed his head to you and gave you a genuine smile that reached his eyes. You couldn’t help but notice how much his son looked like him, they had the same face shape and nose, but the Prince had his mother’s lips and eyes. Together the two had made the most beautiful offspring.

“It’s a pleasure to have you in our home, I hope you feel welcome here and I’m happy to welcome you into the family.” His words felt sincere, but you didn’t feel welcome at all, at least not from the Prince. The King and Queen were doing a good job at making you feel comfortable though and it made you wonder how to lovely people such as themselves produced such a cold son.

“And this is our son, Prince Jeno.” She smiled, giving him a wide-eyed look that told him he was going to regret acting up in front of you. He let out a long sigh and bowed to you even though he looked reluctant to do so. “I wish you both good health and fortune in your upcoming marriage.” They both bowed once more before leaving you alone with the Prince in the sitting room you’d been brought to. Jeno let out a sigh and looked at Mark.

“Take the Princess to her chambers.” When Mark hesitated for a moment, clearly having been instructed by someone else to do something different, Jeno raised his voice. “Now!”

“Right this way your highness.” Mark exited the room quickly. You gave Jeno one last look, your heart pounding in disappointment as you looked at him. He turned his back to you and his shoulders stayed rigid until he heard the door shut behind him. You trailed after Mark through the daunting halls of the unfamiliar palace, feeling nauseous for your next meeting with the hostile Prince.

---

You tried to think of many ways to get out of going to dinner with your fiancé. However, as you sat on your larger than needed bed, you couldn’t think of any good excuses that would excuse you from meeting with the Prince. A maid had knocked on your door, waiting for your response before letting herself in. She told you it was time for you to get ready for your dinner, and she’d presented you with a baby blue and gold dress. The baby blue material was made from the finest of silk, with gold coloured lace adorning the top portion of the long-sleeved garment. The skirt came down to your ankles, and you’d been given a pair of matching blue heels to wear. The maid had then brushed out your long hair and plaited it, so the thick plait fell over your right shoulder. When you looked into the gold framed body length mirror, you couldn’t help but think about how innocent you looked. Your eyes were no longer red from the sobbing you’d done after Mark had left you alone in your new bedroom, but they still felt heavy and itchy.

“The Prince will be so shocked when he sees how beautiful you look your highness.” The sweet maid smiled at you from where she stood behind you. You caught her eye in the mirror and gave her a weak smile.

“What’s your name?” You asked in a quiet voice, feeling the comfort of her voice seep into you.

“My name is Nayeon, Princess (Y/N).” She kept up formalities as she bowed her head to you, the grandfather clock in the corner of your room chimed, signifying the turn of the hour. “Oh, it’s time to head down to dinner. You’ll be dining with Prince Jeno in his private dining area.”

“Will it just be the two of us?” You asked meekly, your hands clasped together as you played with your fingers in nervousness.

“Yes, your highness, now if you’d like to follow me.” You hesitated for a second before you followed her. She took you down the wide hall and you noticed that the temperature had dropped since the sun had gone down, making a light chill cascade up your spine, with the only light available coming from the lit lanterns flickering on the wall. She guided you around a corner and down one more hall before stopping in front of an open door. “Just through there, your dinner will be served soon.” She smiled and motioned for you to enter the room with your hand. You timidly took a step into the room, it looking like a typical dining room for a royal with a dark oak table in the centre, two chairs opposite each other on either side. A lit candle was on the middle of the table, in between two beautifully decorated plates. You then noticed Prince Jeno stood beside the table, he stood up straighter as you entered the room and bowed to you. You returned the bow, opening your mouth to speak but not really knowing what to say to him.

“Sit.” He pulled out one of the chairs and motioned with his head for you to sit. You hurried to take a seat, not wanting him to get mad at you like he had previously shown earlier on in the day.

“Thank you.” You spoke quietly, placing your hands in your lap and keeping your posture straight as you watched him sit in the chair opposite you. You let out a gentle sigh, averting your eyes and glancing around the room at the décor. He made no effort to start up a conversation with you, and you had no idea what you could possibly say to the Prince that would make him want to talk to you. Dinner was served and Jeno barely even looked at you. The silence made you feel sick and you hardly touched your food. He noticed, but he didn’t care. If you wanted to starve yourself then that was your problem, not his.

You left the dining room feeling dejected and sad. Nayeon took you back to your room and pretended as if she didn’t know that the Prince had hardly spoken with you, keeping a gentle smile on her face. She helped you get ready for bed, and then left you on your own with nothing but the light of the moon shining through the gap in the curtains. You sat on your bed, looking up at the ceiling as tears flooded your vision. You let out a long sigh, trying to contain your emotions as a wave of homesickness came over you. It was no use, because tears streamed from your eyes the second you thought about your parents. In a way you knew you should feel resentful of them for sending you away to a kingdom you didn’t really know to marry someone you’d only met once, but you knew they only did it because they had to. Your kingdom had been met by a financial crisis, and the first thing the royal advisors told your parents to do was to marry you off to a Prince from a financially stable kingdom. Obviously, your parents went to the richest kingdom out of the four kingdoms in your country. The Northern kingdom was best known for cold weather and its army, it had a reputation of being the saviour when it comes to wars with other countries across the sea. During wars, all four kingdoms banded together, and it was always after the army from the North got to the battle that it would end up being won. The Eastern kingdom was known for its rainy weather and the luscious fruit and vegetables that it produced. Food from the Eastern kingdom could be found in any of the four kingdoms as it was a highly traded good. The Western kingdom best known for its fishing and fashion; those being traded amongst the kingdoms for such a low price that the demand for the products kept the economy running. And your kingdom, the Southern kingdom, was known for its high population and poverty. It’s not something you were proud of, but the people in control were trying their hardest to get rid of the people living on the streets and give them a roof over their heads. Especially as your country had blistering heat almost all year round. You didn’t even want to think of the people who died from the exposure to the sun. But due to the financial crisis, this wasn’t achievable, so when your parents came to you about the arranged marriage, you didn’t kick up a fuss about it and instead decided to think of the positives, which led to you actually being excited about the marriage. Now though, you just wanted to go home.

---

A whole week of being ignored by the Prince had done nothing to lift your spirits. Well he hadn’t ignored you, but you wouldn’t class irritated looks of disgust over dinner every night to be polite. It really seemed to you like he hated you, and it felt like a knife being twisted in your stomach every time Nayeon would come to your room to collect you for a meal with your future spouse. The only time you could remember smiling and feeling genuinely happy was when the Queen had summoned you for lunch one afternoon. She’d made you feel welcome and tried her hardest not to talk about her son, instead asking you about your life and recommending things for you to do in the palace in your free time. Apart from that, you just counted down the days until your marriage whilst you strolled around the palace absentmindedly.

On Friday, you’d been dressed up in a pale pink gown. You’d gotten used to the long sleeves and heavy materials over the past week, nearly all of your new clothes being suited for the cold weather outside. You were glad though, because you still found yourself getting cold even under all the cloth you had draped over your body. Your hair had been pinned in a half up, half down style, the section that was up having been plaited into a bun. You felt pretty, which gave you a small burning of positivity in your gut. At midday, you’d been taken to the main dining hall. It was much larger than the intimate one you’d been eating with the Prince in, and you’d much prefer to have dinner with him in there from now on. Your eyes laid on a young man. He had a wide smile and black hair, his navy blue and white uniform telling you that he was of royal blood. You recognised the crest on his badge to be that of the Western kingdom. Sat at the table and not moving was Prince Jeno, he watched as the other handsome man approached you.

“Princess (Y/N), it’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m Prince Jaemin of the Western kingdom.” He bowed to you, holding his hand out for you to place yours in kiss. When you did, he brought your hand up and placed a soft kiss to the back of it. Your heart fluttered and a small smile rose on your lips. You’d known Prince Jaemin for a total of 30 seconds and he’d already shown you more affection and kindness than your own fiancé. You glanced at Jeno to see if he’d reacted to seeing another man kiss his fiancées hand, but he just watched you both with a blank look on his face. You bowed back and he didn’t let go of your hand, gently pulling you over to the table. He pulled your chair out for you and you sat down, sitting directly opposite to Jeno. Jaemin sat beside you and cleared his throat. “So, are you enjoying the North (Y/N)?” He asked, looking at you with a cute smile on his face. Where Jeno looked intimidatingly handsome, Jaemin looked the kind of handsome that had all the girls cooing over him, his smile being his killer feature.

“Oh, yes I am.” You lied with a fake smile on your face. “I can’t say that I love the weather, but everyone has made me feel so welcome.” You put emphasis on the word ‘everyone’, shooting Jeno a smile as you directed that at him. He narrowed his eyes at you and smirked in retaliation. His smirk put a horrid feeling in your stomach, because that confirmed to you that Jeno knew exactly how he was acting towards you, and that he couldn’t find it within him to care.

“That’s great!” As you spoke with Jaemin, the servants brought out the food, setting down steaming plates in front of all three of you. You sipped at your wine and listened to Jaemin as he went off on a tangent about marriage. You noticed that throughout the meal Jeno had flagged down the nearest maid multiple times to refill his glass of wine.

“May I ask what brought you here today Jaemin?” You asked when he’d finally taken a moment to stop talking and to eat instead. He swallowed his food and looked at Jeno before looking back at you. He was about to answer when Jeno spoke up first.

“He visits once a month.” His voice was deep and held little emotion.

“Oh, may I ask why?” You asked Jaemin despite it having been Jeno that gave you an answer.

“Our mothers are sisters, when his mother comes to visit my mother, she brings him with her.” Jeno was the one to answer you yet again. This is the most conversation you’d gotten out of him since you arrived, and it was a bittersweet moment for you. On one hand you were happy that he was actually talking to you, and on the other hand you were devastated that he sounded so emotionless.

“So basically, we’re cousins.” Jaemin nodded and smiled, taking a sip of his own wine. “He’s older by a few months.”

“That’s lovely.” You gave Jaemin a genuine smile and you could see that he really looks up to Jeno, despite the small age gap.

“Not as lovely as you Princess.” Jaemin winked at you and sipped at his wine again. You felt your cheeks flush and you shot a glance to Jeno who had one eyebrow raised, but apart from that, he didn’t look like he cared. “I must say, I am rather envious of my cousin for being the one to marry you, but I wish you happiness.” You almost begged Jaemin to take you away from this kingdom and to take you home with him, but you knew it wouldn’t make much difference and would only make things worse for you in the long run. “But you know where the Western kingdom is.” He winked at you. Jeno cleared his throat as a warning but Jaemin didn’t seem phased at all.

---

Jaemin’s visit two weeks ago had seemed like a lifetime ago, and you wished the handsome boy would come more often so you had something to look forward to. Jeno hadn’t spoken to you much, which you were getting used to. It made you wonder if this is how he was going to treat you even after you were married and with children. You hoped not, that was enough to make anyone go insane. It became too much for you one morning, and after sitting through breakfast on your own in the large dining room, you decided to make an effort with the Prince. Walking down the east wing of the palace that would take you straight to the Prince’s chambers, you passed Mark who had a smile on his face the moment he saw you.

“Good morning your Highness.” He bowed to you, expecting you to just bow and continue walking but you stopped, holding your hand out to him to stop him too.

“Good morning, do you happen to know where the Prince is?”

“Oh yes, I believe he’s just finished his breakfast and he’s relaxing in his bedroom. Would you like me to take you to him?”

“No that won’t be necessary, thank you Mark.” You bowed your head to him. He bowed in return and bid you goodbye. You walked towards the Prince’s bedroom and stopped in front of his door. You took in a deep breath and gingerly knocked on the door, regretting it almost immediately as all your courage drained from you.

“Come in.” The Prince’s voice called through the door. You noticed that his tone was light and airy, not like anything you’d ever heard from him since every time you’re in his presence he’s hostile and blunt. As you entered the room, you saw him look up to see who it was. His face fell when he saw you stood timidly in the doorway; his eyes boring into yours for a moment before he turned to look away once more. “What do you want?” his voice was no longer airy and light, his tone more resembling daggers stabbing at you with the intent to harm.

“I wish to get to know you better. We are going to marry after all.” You tried to hold a tone of confidence, but you were afraid you sounded like a nervous child about to tell their mother they’d wet the bed.

“I’m busy.” He grunted, not even sparing you a glance.

“Doing what might I ask?” You walked into his room, nerves flooding your body with such unease that you could feel it in your toes and fingertips. He slowly turned to look at you and narrowed his eyes, clearly not liking how you questioned him.

“Fine. Let’s spend time together.” He stood up, his chair skidding across the marble floor with an ear tingling screech. He snatched your wrist into his hand and pulled you harshly out of the room. The grip he had on you was hurting, but you decided not to say anything as he dragged you through the castle. You struggled to keep up with him, having to alternate between jogging and walking fast so that you didn’t fall. He pulled you outside into the freezing wind and let go of you. Your arms automatically wrapped around your body, goose bumps rising on your body as the long-sleeved dress you wore did nothing to protect you from the wind. Flurries of snow hit you as the sky coughed out the snow in sparse gusts. “Go stand over there by that tree.” He commanded you, pointing at a tree that had a large trunk. You gulped but obeyed him, not wanting to make him mad, but you were very confused as to why he had instructed you to do so. You trudged through the snow and stood with your back to the tree, your body shivering from the chill. He went over to a small wooden shed nearby and pulled out a bow. Your eyes widened as he grabbed 3 arrows and stood parallel to you, about 20 feet away.

“What are you doing?” You questioned as he loaded the bow with an arrow, standing with two feet apart and his left side facing you.

“Spending quality time with my fiancée! You’re helping me practice my archery!” He gave you a wide smile, but you could see the sinister look behind his eyes even from far away. “Now stand very still, don’t worry my love, I am very good at this.” He winked at you and your stomach plummeted through the snow.

‘He’s going to kill me so he doesn’t have to marry me.’ You thought to yourself as he pulled back the string, closing one of his eyes as he aimed at you. You didn’t think that the shivers you were experiencing were from the cold anymore, but from the paralysing fright you were undergoing. You couldn’t move, your feet feeling anchored to the floor like a one of the criminals they locked away in the dungeons. Jeno smirked to himself when he saw you squeeze your eyes shut, letting go of the string and sending an arrow flying towards you. It hit where he had aimed it for perfectly, and it stuck into the bark of the tree an inch above your head. You let out a whimper and flinched as you heard the ear-splitting crack of the wood above you, your heart pounding in your chest and your breathing becoming too quick for you to control.

You were having a panic attack. Something you hadn’t had in a long time. As a child you were riddled with anxiety after one of your nanny’s had told you a story of a princess being kidnapped from her home. You lived under the constant fear that bad people were going to break into your chambers and steal you in the dead of night, using the guise of the dark to get away with it. Needless to say, once your mother and father found out why you were suffering from constant anxiety attacks and would flinch whenever anyone approached you, they had banished that nanny from the castle. After months of therapy, you had found your life much easier to cope with and your parents had assigned guards to be with you and stationed outside of your door every night. You grew out of it by the time you were a teenager. But this was bringing back all the feelings you’d been able to push aside for so long, and you felt like a child once more, cowering at the thought of being killed by a stranger. Jeno loaded another arrow into his bow and aimed it at you, pausing once he saw you let out a sob, your frame hunched over and arms wrapped around yourself.

“Shit.” He mumbled, knowing he’d taken his little joke too far. He was one of the best archers in the kingdom, so he knew his arrow wouldn’t hit you. But you didn’t know that, and in your mind, he had every reason to want you dead. He lowered his bow and gulped, throwing it to the floor and running through the snow to you. “Open your eyes.” He grunted, placing his big hands on your shoulders and giving you a firm shake. You couldn’t breathe. It felt like his arrow had hit you in the throat and punctured your windpipe, the air not successfully inflating your lungs and your head feeling like someone was crushing it with their hands. “Hey!”

“D-don’t k-k-kill me.” You stuttered out, your lungs gasping for air as your throat gave it restricted access to small puffs of oxygen. Jeno was taken aback by your words. Standing frozen in the snow with his eyes watching you have a meltdown in front of him. He snapped out of his daze and gulped down his guilt, sighing like you were a nuisance as he scooped you up into his arms. You whimpered as he touched you, your body going completely stiff in his grasp as he trudged through the snow, carrying you like you weighed nothing.

“I won’t hurt you.” He mumbled, taking you inside and setting you down on a lavish chair that was in the corner of the hallway beside a small round table that held fresh flowers in a beautifully painted white and blue vase. He kneeled down on one knee so that he was facing you. “Breathe…” His voice was uncharacteristically soft, and he took one of your hands into both of his. You looked at him, your eyes bloodshot and your cheeks freezing cold from where the winter air had hit the tear tracks on your skin. You hadn’t seen him this close since you were fifteen and had been dancing with him at the ball. He was beautiful. His straight nose, his deep brown eyes, his very slightly plump but very pink lips and his strong jawline had you distracted from the internal panic you felt. Your breathing slowly steadied as he kept his stare on you, looking you dead in the eyes as he studied you. His thumb stroked the back of your hand, and you gulped down the lump in your throat as you looked at him. You bottom lip wobbled and one tear fell from your eye as your brain came back around to its normal state. “Are you alright?” He asked, slowly withdrawing his hands from your own. You nodded in response, not trusting your vocal cords to answer him. He stood up, and with a curt nod of his head he hurried off down the hall of the castle, leaving you alone in the chair he’d sat you in. Not long after Jeno’s retreat, Mark came running down the hallway with a panicked look on his face.

“Princess!” You knew that Jeno had recruited Mark to go see if you were okay. It hurt you that Jeno couldn’t even bare to be with you that much that he couldn’t stick around and be with you himself, instead he sent his servant. Mark kept asking you questions and trying to gain your attention, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care about what he was saying. He timidly helped you up to your feet and took you to your bedroom, checking on your every hour to make sure you were feeling okay. You weren’t.

---

It had been three and a half weeks of your dearly beloved Prince Jeno doing his finest effort to avoid you. You had briefly seen him during a dinner that the King and Queen both required your attendance for. You sat opposite each other and he refused to meet your eye, his attention on his mother most of the night and it seemed as though he was ignoring his own father as well. Although you had no idea why he would do that to the King. But you didn’t want to ask to find out. He spoke to his mother and even sat beside her, seeming almost as if he was being clingy with her like you’d expect a 5-year-old mummy’s boy to be. She played up to his whims and always responded to him like a loving mother, even going as far to pat his cheek at one point when he shot her a small pout at something his father had said. The whole scene didn’t look very Queen and Prince like, more mother and son like. But because the dinner wasn’t official business you assumed that they didn’t care. It was now obvious to you that the slap she’d struck Jeno with on your first day in the castle was a very rare occurrence.

You had spent a few afternoons with the Queen, getting to know her and learning how to do your official duties as the upcoming Princess and Queen of the Northern Kingdom. She was a very gentle soul and you always felt comfortable around her. As for the King, you didn’t really see him much unless it was in passing or that one time during your dinner with the royal family. Nayeon went missing for a week, and Mark had told you that she was on leave for those 7 days just to visit her family, but that she would be back again in no time. So for that week you had no one to keep you company, which saddened you deeply and left you wallowing in your loneliness as if you were being punished like a criminal on trial for manslaughter.

When Nayeon came back she made sure to spend a lot of time with you to make up for her absence. She made you tea every night before you slept, and she would tell you stories that her family had embarked on. Your favourite story of hers was the one about her father going into war when she was a child. Her father had been in the Northern army and had fought along many men, old and young, in an attempt to stop the four Kingdoms being invaded by the Country of Hacin across the seas. You remembered being very young when armies from all four Kingdoms banded together to fight off the incoming threat. The war had started after your parents refused to set you up for an arranged marriage with Prince Renjun of Hacin. They didn’t want you to be in a different country, so they refused the offer presented to them. Which the King and Queen of Hacin didn’t like. Causing them to declare war. It was mostly the Western Kingdom that got the brunt of the war, as they were the Kingdom parallel to Hacin across the sea. The troops made their way to the Western Kingdom and fought against the threat, but it wasn’t until the Northern Kingdom joined that the war finally came to an end. You had heard that thousands of men had lost their lives in battle, and you were eternally grateful to them all. Nayeon’s father was one of the men who never made it home to their families, and that’s the reason why it was your favourite story of hers. Because you could see the pain in her eyes and her strained tone in her voice as she tried to hold back her tears, and it made you feel grateful for the life you’d been given. You had made sure that Nayeon knew how you felt towards the war and she could tell that you were grateful for her father’s sacrifice.

A few days ago you started to feel really hot, despite the chill drifting in like a haze into your room through the open window. The curtains billowing from the slight breeze the cold winters air presented the Kingdom with. You shouldn’t shake the burning feeling that you had sitting inside of you like a furnace with an unlimited supply of coal. It caused unwanted sweat to bead on your skin and your lungs to speed up in attempt to cool yourself down. It was night-time so you knew most of the staff would be asleep or busy doing their own chores. You gripped onto the sheets of your bed and squeezed your eyes shut as a wave of nausea flushed through you and made you feel on the verge of throwing up. You gritted your teeth and stood up, involuntarily bending and gripping at your stomach as the unbearable sense of sickness stabbed at your gut. You whimpered, a sob falling from your lips as your knees buckled, your body hitting the floor with a dull thud. Externally you felt numb, the tips of your fingertips having no feeling and your body crashing to the floor didn’t bother you. Internally though you felt like you were going to die a slow death. You tried to steady you breathing, but you couldn’t, nothing but choked sobs falling from your lips as you gently blacked out.

---

The sun shining on the white snow was causing Jeno to squint as he drank his morning tea. His mother was accompanying him during breakfast, and they sat peacefully inside of her personal dining room. The floor to ceiling length windows allowing the hot sun to hit his skin and leave behind a warm feeling. It was a rare day of no clouds or falling snow, which always had Jeno waking up in a good mood.

“Jeno, my dear…” The Queen sipped at her tea and delicately dabbed at her mouth with a napkin. “You should be having breakfast with (Y/N), not with me.” She gave him a soft smile and let out a laugh when he sighed, immediately popping food into his mouth with his fork in an attempt to delay his response. “She is a lovely girl, and I know you don’t want to marry her. But avoiding her isn’t going to do either of you any good in the long run.” Jeno chewed his food slowly and gulped it down, sighing once more before nodding.

“I know mother.”

“Is that all you have to say?” She tilted her head, furrowing her eyebrows and rolling her eyes.

“No, I-” He was interrupted by the doors to the room flying open, Mark stood in the doorway, out of breath from where he had been running.

“Your Majesty, your Highness, you have to come quickly!” He gulped watching as the mother and son both stared at him in confusion. The Queen slowly rose from her seat but Jeno stayed where he was sat.

“What is it Mark?” She asked, approaching him quickly.

“It’s Princess (Y/N), we found her on the floor of her room about ten minutes ago. She was breathing but she was unresponsive. The Doctor is looking at her now.” Mark spoke so quickly that Jeno almost couldn’t understand what he was saying. He widened his eyes and stood up quickly. He then paused, and slowly sat back down in his chair. He coughed awkwardly and bowed his head once to Mark.

“Make sure she gets the best care. Keep me updated.” His voice held no emotion, and Mark knew that the Prince wasn’t going to be following him anytime soon. The Queen frowned at her son, but instead of chastising him, she quickly followed Mark.

Jeno sat at the dining table and pushed his plate away from him. He felt sick with worry that something bad was going to happen to you, but he couldn’t bring himself to face you. He was still holding guilt from the stunt he had pulled with you but didn’t want it to seem like he cared too much about you. He let out a sigh and rubbed his hands over his face in frustration, unsure of what to do.

---

The anticipation had killed Jeno over the day that he avoided everyone in hopes of not having any updates about you. Every time he heard footsteps approaching his bedroom, he made himself busy and refused to let anybody in, acting as if his work was more important than you. He hadn’t had a chance to take a step back and gather up all of his thoughts and feelings towards you. He was conflicted. On one hand, you were probably one of the most beautiful humans he had ever laid eyes on, and you had a very sweet personality to go with your sweet looks. But on the other hand, he did not want to get married yet, he also didn’t know you that well and because of his stubborn nature, he didn’t want to get to know you purely out of spite at his forced marriage.

The next morning, Jeno went about his day as normal, eating breakfast and then making his way to the palace courtyard to practice his archery. When he made it to the doors without bumping into anyone of significance, he metaphorically gave himself a pat on the back. Until Mark approached him from behind.

“Your Highness,” Mark spoke up, causing Jeno to jolt in surprise at the sudden chirp of Mark’s voice. Mark had always been silently stealthy and was almost a professional at silently making his way around the palace. “Sorry to interrupt, but you told me to keep you updated on Princess (Y/N).” Jeno turned around and let out an irritated sigh, nodding his head at Mark.

“Go on.” His voice was gruff, and he rolled his eyes. Mark took a deep breath, giving Jeno eyes that were full of pity.

“The Doctor has diagnosed her with the Macetipis Virus…” Jeno felt like a surge of heat rush through him at Mark’s words. His throat created a lump of emotion that made him feel uncomfortable and he had to look away from Mark to keep his cool. “She has all the symptoms, a high temperature, she keeps floating in and out of consciousness, and she keeps throwing up a yellow liquid.”

“I know the symptoms Mark.” He growled, storming off down the hall without giving Mark another look. He made his way to your bedroom, not bothering with knocking as he let himself straight into the room. Nayeon looked up at him with a wide-eyed look as she set down a steaming cup of tea on your bedside table. She immediately bowed and cleared her throat awkwardly. “Out.” Jeno grunted. She complied immediately and left the room without another word. Jeno gulped when he saw you tucked up in your bed, your eyes closed, and head lolled slightly to the side. Tears gathered in his eyes as he looked at you, feeling a horrid guilt at how he’d treated you as he stared at your limp body.

He sat down on your bed, taking one of your cold hands into both of his. He lifted it up to his lips and laid a gentle kiss to the back of your hand, a tear falling down his cheek as in that moment, he absolutely hated himself. You were going to die. He was sure of it. The last person he saw with the Macetipis Virus didn’t last longer than a week before she took her final breath and died peacefully in her sleep. He was sure his sister was going to live, but she didn’t. And at the age of thirteen he watched her slowly wither away before him even though the doctor had told the family that it was possible to overcome the disease. She was only ten years old, and she had her whole life ahead of her. Jeno had always promised her that when he became King that no one would ever harm her, and she could live her life as a beautiful Princess wherever she wanted to be, without having to worry about an arranged marriage. Now he couldn’t fulfil that promise because her little life was cut short, all because of the virus that was unavoidable. It wasn’t contagious, and so far, no one had figured out how people became ill with it. There had been no cases of males having the virus, so it was assumed that only females could contract it. Jeno knew this, that’s why he wasn’t worried about being by your side during this even if it wasn’t supposed to be contagious.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, stroking the back of your hand with his thumb. “You didn’t deserve how I’ve been treating you…I should have realised that you’re in the same boat as me and you’re going through an unwanted marriage as well.” He gulped, keeping his voice in a low whisper so that no one outside of your room could hear you. “Now you’re probably going to die, and you’ll have died unhappy and I am so sorry Princess.” The lump in his throat started to burn, but he didn’t care. He sat by your side all day, ordering anyone that entered your room to leave. He left around mid-evening to eat some dinner. You hadn’t woken up at all throughout the day, much to Jeno’s dismay. He wanted nothing more than for you to open your eyes so he could voice to you how sorry he was with you actually being able to hear him.

---

“What the fuck do you mean the wedding is being pushed back?” Jeno growled in a low tone, his teeth gritted, and his fists clenched. He had a surge of anger flush through him and he could feel his hands start to shake in aggression.

“Well Your Highness, Princess (Y/N) is very s-”

“I know that she’s sick.” He snapped; the poor servant stood opposite him flinching in fear. “Who made this decision? Tell me!”

“T-the King and Queen.” The servant gulped but visibly relaxed when Jeno stormed off down the hall, making his way to the throne room where he knew his mother and father were. He wasn’t subtle as he burst through the wooden doors to the throne room, completely ignoring the small crowd of people and storming up the royal red carpet to his parents who were both sat on their respected thrones.

“You pushed back our wedding?!” He shouted, his legs moving fast in his haste. He stopped in front of his parents, a scowl marred on his face and his shoulders rising and falling as he tried to catch his breath. “She’s going to fucking die any day now and you want her to die an unmarried woman?!” Jeno’s voice got louder, his anger evident to the people who brought him into the world. Everyone in the room was dead silent as they listened to the distressed Prince. The King frowned at him, shaking his head and rolling his eyes.

“Jeno calm down.” His father spoke with a stern voice, sitting up straighter on his golden throne and looking down his nose at his son.

“NO!” Jeno stepped closer, running a hand through his thick blond hair in frustration. “You know how frowned up it is to die an unmarried woman, and you want that to happen to her?!” He gulped, tears filling his eyes as he flicked his eyes over to his mother. “Mother…she doesn’t deserve this…” He knew the Queen would be the one to pity him and end up giving him what he wanted, like she had most of his life. “Please.”

“Jeno, she can hardly hold her own head up. She can’t marry someone in the state that she’s in.” Her voice was soft, and she gave him a look that shows how much pity she felt for him.

“It’s been three days and they’ve told me that the keeps waking up, she can do it!”

“No.” The King spoke again, shutting Jeno off and causing the young Prince to let his emotions get the best of him. His face crinkled up as he started to sob. He felt embarrassed at his crying so he covered his face with his hands. The King rolled his eyes and let out a sigh. “Don’t even try to turn the water works on, your mother isn’t going to give in.” They were both used to Jeno turning on his emotions to make his mother give him what he wanted, and the King assumed that what he was doing this time. This made Jeno angry again, ripping his hands away from his face and staring at his father once more.

“Go to hell.” He turned around and ran out of the room, not bothering to look back as his mother called for him. He ran until he reached his own room, knowing he needed to gather his thoughts and calm himself down before he visited you for the day.

He left it an hour before he collected a small bunch of bright yellow flowers from the palaces inside garden, letting himself into your room and coming to a dead stop when he saw your eyes staring back at him. This was the first time he’d been around to witness your consciousness, only having heard about it from Nayeon.

“Jeno?” Your voice was raspy and barely audible from where you laid in your bed. Jeno gulped, approaching you slowly with a slight hesitance in his heart. He felt like your eyes were piercing through him, making his insides tighten and his throat close up.

“How are you feeling?” He asked the first thing that came to his mind as he gently set the bunch of flowers into an empty vase on your bedside table.

“Bad.” You whispered out, unsure of how to communicate with the man who had only ever shown hostility towards you. If you didn’t have the horrible sense of nausea swimming inside of your stomach, you probably would have felt butterflies of anxiety take flight. He timidly sat on the edge of your bed, awkwardly grasping his own hands before letting out a sigh.

“I want to apologise to you for how I treated you.” You watched him from where you laid, your eyes nervously darting around the room when he stared you dead in the eye. “You’re a Princess, and you didn’t deserve to be on the receiving end of my immaturity.” He reached out and took your hand in his own, lifting it to his lips and pressing a lingering kiss to your cold skin. “I’m so sorry.”

“Jeno.” You used all the strength you had to try and sit up, but you couldn’t quite muster it. Jeno let go of your hand when he saw that you wanted to be more upright, placing his hands underneath you to lift you up against the pillows. He grabbed the cup of tea that was still lukewarm to the touch and raised it to your lips. You sipped the tea and cleared your throat, feeling a sort of relief at the liquid at it slid down your throat. “It’s okay, I forgive you.” You spoke in a soft manor, shocked at the sight of the hard-headed Prince being apologetic to you. You’d never seen this warm-hearted side of the Prince, and you wanted to cry your heart out at how sweet he was being.

“They pushed our wedding back…but I promise you, when you recover, we will have the biggest wedding in all of history.” His encouraging smile made you let out a whimper of a giggle, your throat still feeling groggy and not allowing you to make all the noises you wanted to. “And I will be the best husband I can be. But until then, you need to get better, so that I can take you on some dates.” He chuckled, ignoring the tears that came to his eyes as he had it in his mind that you weren’t going to survive.

“Tell me about the dates.” You closed your eyes when a burning sensation ran down your oesophagus, causing you to wince as a rush of nausea hit you in the gut once more.

“Okay well I don’t know if you’ve been to the inside gardens yet, but I want to have afternoon tea there with you. It’s beautiful, there’s an array of so many colours and smells, and it’s so quiet in there. The walls are made entirely of glass, so it gets rather hot when the sun hits it, but the white of the snow outside is such a contrast to the colours inside that it-” He paused as you started to cough, your chest jolting as the uncontrollable coughs left your mouth. Jeno immediately jumped to his feet, pulling you forward so you were sat completely upright. He patted your back firmly, then rubbed his hand in circles on your back. “It’s okay, cough it up.” He grabbed the nearby bowl that had been set aside for when you needed to throw up, holding it in front of your mouth as he patted your back with his other hand. You felt embarrassed as you coughed, eventually puking into the bowl and letting out a whimper from the mortification you felt at throwing up in front of your fiancé. “Good girl, it’s okay.” He put the bowl down, grabbing a handkerchief from your drawer and wiping your mouth with it. He gently kissed your forehead without thinking about it, laying you down again and stroking your hair gently.

“Thank you.” You whispered out, your cheeks burning and the sick feeling sitting heavy on your stomach still.

“My sister was ill with the same illness you have.” He looked down at the floor, a heavy sinking feeling washing over him as he thought back to watching his sister die. You didn’t even know that Jeno had a sister, and you were intrigued to find out more. No one had ever told you about the Princess of the Northern Kingdom, so you had no idea she even existed. You wanted to ask him about her, but you didn’t know if he would respond to you with hostility, and you also found it hard to speak after the onslaught of pain you felt in your throat from throwing up. Jeno continued speaking without having to be prompted, feeling a slight weight lifted off of his shoulders at finally talking about his sister after being silent about it for so many years. “I spent all day every day by her side, I wouldn’t even let the maids help her, it had to be me. I was her older brother and I felt the need to protect her.” He cleared his throat as a lump arose inside of it, all his emotions pilling up and making tears well up in his beautiful eyes. “She died 4 days after being diagnosed.” You reached out and took his hand in your own, giving it a weak squeeze just to show him that you were listening, and you felt empathy towards him. “I won’t let that happen to you.” His eyes bore into your own, and you could see how broken the Prince was, all of his bad attitude making sense, but not excusing it.

He sat by your side all evening, talking to you for about ten more minutes before you drifted back into unconsciousness, but he still stayed by you. He asked Mark to fetch him a book so that he could keep himself entertained whilst keeping watch over you. At around 7 o’clock the door to the room opened slowly. Jeno looked up and smiled softly when he saw his Mother entering the room. She looked slightly surprised to see him sat there, her eyebrows raising on her beautiful face.

“Jeno I didn’t know you were here.” She closed the door with a gentle push, not wanting to make too much noise as she saw that you were sleeping.

“You shouldn’t be here; you could catch it mother!” His eyes widened with worry, not wanting his own mother to catch the disease that took his sisters life. He knew it wasn’t contagious but he couldn’t risk it.

“Jeno I will be fine; I’m only stopping by for a few minutes.” She smiled softly to him, giving him a small bout of reassurance. “You’re a good man Jeno, you being here for her when she’s in this condition is a good thing for you to do.”

“I don’t want her to wake up alone,” He closed his book and set it aside, moving to stroke your lifeless hand that laid on the bed. “I owe her so much; she can’t die alone.”

“Oh sweetheart.” The Queen sighed, approaching her son and leaning down to place a kiss on his head. She felt a sudden rush of pride at his confession, glad he was finally acting like the fiancé that you deserved. She was finally seeing the young man that she’d raised to be a compassionate, loving Prince. “I’m glad you’ve finally come around to marrying her…may I ask what changed your mind?”

Jeno thought for a moment, before taking a deep breath and letting out a long sigh. “Miyah never got to have her happy ever after and seeing (Y/N) like this broke my heart. I want her to have her happy ending.”

“You know you have to apologise to your father. The way y-” She was cut off as you started to cough in your sleep, your eyes suddenly blinking open as you couldn’t cough up what was stuck in your throat. Jeno jumped up from his spot and lifted you up so you were sitting upright, patting your back hard to stop you from choking. The Queen watched with wide eyes as you coughed up blood, it staining the sheets over you and dripping down your chin. Jeno gasps loudly, frowning in confusion at the sight of the blood. He rubbed your back as you started to sob from seeing the blood, his stomach dropping as he looked over at his mother. “Miyah never coughed up blood! It isn’t one of the symptoms, she may not have Macetipis!” He propped up the pillows against the headboard and laid you against them, not sparing any moment before sprinting out of the door towards the palace’s doctor’s room.

You looked at the Queen and whimpered, fear rushing through you and your stomach twisting in anxiety. “I don’t want to die!” Your voice was hoarse, and you shuddered before spewing more blood onto the sheets. The Queen stroked your head as your breathing picked up, your chest rising and falling fast in your panic. She opened her mouth, but you couldn’t hear anything she was saying, everything sounding muffled and cloudy as your vision blurred. The world went dark as your eyes closed, your consciousness slipping away once more.

---

The sound of birds singing is the only sound you heard when your body brought itself out of the slumber of sleep that you’d been in more than 24 hours. The last thing you remembered was the sight of your sheets being spoiled by the sight of your own blood, but as you stared down at the sheets placed delicately over your body, you saw nothing but pristine white. You laid there for what felt like ages, feeling thirsty but not having the energy to reach for your glass of water that you could see sitting on your nightstand looking appetizing and delicious. You felt better than you had felt since you’d come down with your sickness, and you prayed that you didn’t get any worse. Jeno entered the room half an hour later, surprise written across his face when he saw you staring back at him.

“You’re awake!” He rushed to your side and took your hand straight into his. He had a soft smile playing on his lips, but you could tell he was being suspicious about something. “How are you feeling?” You cleared your throat as he helped you sit up, propping your thick pillows up behind you to keep you steady.

“Better.” He passed you the glass of water when he heard how croaky your voice was, it sounding like you had a thousand swords lodged inside of your throat.

“I have something to tell you, and I don’t want you to panic. Just know before I tell you this, that everything has been sorted out, and you will be getting better okay?” His fingers traced soft circles on your skin that left a tickling sensation in their wake. You nodded, not wanting to use your voice if you didn’t have to as your throat felt stiff. “You didn’t have Macetipis, after you started coughing up blood, I knew something wasn’t right. I got the doctor, and he knew immediately that you’d been poisoned.” Your stomach flipped and you felt queasy at the thought of someone trying to kill you. “It didn’t make sense at first, no one from the outside had access to your room. So I knew it must have been someone who had been coming into your room. I’ve been here most of the time, and the only people who were allowed in this room were my mother, my father, Mark, the doctor, Nayeon, and myself. The doctor tried his best to save you, so it wouldn’t make sense that he was trying to kill you. My mother, father, and I would never do such a thing. If we wanted you dead, you’d be dead.” His words made your eyes widen in surprise that he’d say something that dramatic in such a calm manner. “I trust Mark with my life, and when questioned he said he knew nothing about it, and I could tell he wasn’t lying to me. Which left dear, sweet, Nayeon.” He growled her name, his fists clenching around your hand but not hard enough to hurt you. “When questioned, she confessed almost immediately. She’d been putting poison in the tea she’d been serving you.” Your heart dropped as you thought of the sweet maid who’d made you feel welcomed. You had no idea she could even do something like that. “The poison was a weak one that would take at least two weeks to finish you off. It was meant to give you a slow, painful death. But you have to take all doses of it for it to work. She said she’d gotten if when she was visiting her family. She blames you for her father’s death in the war.” Your heart ached as Jeno told you that. You had trusted Nayeon, and you felt tears fill your eyes as you thought it all over inside of your head.

“What’s her punishment?” You closed your eyes, willing the tears not to fall as your throat hurt even more with the rising lump inside of it.

“Death.” He sneered, his body tense with hatred and anger. He couldn’t believe that someone had the nerve to try and take his Princess away from him, right underneath his nose too. You gasped, your eyes opening quickly.

“No! Please don’t kill her Jeno!” Your tone was desperate, and Jeno knitted his eyebrow together in confusion at your plea.

“She tried to kill you (Y/N)!”

“You shot an arrow at my head.” You deadpanned at him, showing him you weren’t afraid to speak against him if you had to. His face immediately fell, and his mouth opened and closed as he tried to conjure the right words to say.

“I didn’t ever intend on hurting you though…” His voice was soft, and he glanced down at his hands.

“You could have. Prince Jeno, please…spare her life.”

“No. The punishment stands, and I don’t want to hear you ask for me to change it again. Am I clear?” You shuddered at his dominant tone, immediately losing all the courage you previously had to speak against him and just simply nodded. He sighed and momentarily closed his eyes. “They’ve set a date for out wedding. It’s a month away.” You didn’t reply to him, sipping your water slowly and keeping your eyes anywhere but on him. “Princess…don’t ignore me.” You looked at him and gave him a blank stare, only giving him the silent treatment to show him that you were displeased with his choice. He frowned at you and took the glass of water out of your hands. “When you’re better, we are going to spend a lot of time together, because I am determined to make this work between us. So you’ll have to talk to me eventually.” When you didn’t reply to him, he started to get frustrated, not used to people pulling this kind of thing with him. “Fine.” He stood up and before you could say anything, he’d stormed out of the room so he could throw his tantrum without you seeing.

You let out a sigh and snuggled back down into your bed, feeling a wave of fatigue hit you as you got comfortable. You flinched when the door flung back open and Jeno was stood in the doorway with a scowl on his face.

“You win! She’ll have her life spared. But you are forbidden to speak with her, and she will be sent to live in the Western Kingdom as a slave. Happy?” The smile that you gave him after hearing his defeat made his heart flutter, and he knew in that moment that if all if took for you to smile like that at him was him giving you your own way, then he’d have to start getting used to not having things go his way.

---

It had been two weeks since Nayeon’s confession. You were up and about on your feet and finally enjoying your time in the Northern Kingdom now that you had a fiancé who cared for you. It made you slightly sad that you had to be on deaths doorstep for him to come to his senses and make an effort with you, but since spending most of your days with the Prince, you were overjoyed that he’d changed his mind about you. Your first official date with Prince Jeno was a simple walk around the castle the day after you’d found out about Nayeon poisoning you. You were still rather tired, and Jeno didn’t want to tire you out completely, so he took you on a slow walk around the castle and told you all the stories he had about growing up in the castle. He held your hand tightly, keeping you close to him and enjoying every second he spent with you, just talking about sharing stories. It wasn’t an extravagant date, but it meant the world to you, and your opinion on the cold-hearted, hot head-headed Prince had completely changed. He’d taken time everyday to see you, whether it was to take you out and about on walks, or just to have breakfast, lunch, or dinner with you. Which you really appreciated, considering how busy the Prince was with his duties as the heir to the throne. He had told you that your parents had been exchanging letters with his own parents, but they had decided not to visit you during your illness, instead hoping to see you next on your wedding day. It hurt you that they couldn’t be bothered to make the trip to see you, but you pinned it down to it being such a long journey and you knew just how hard it was to sleep in a horse drawn carriage for the two day long journey.

The flickering candlelight sent shadows dancing on the spines of the thousands of books that lined the walls. Books that told stories, real and fiction, of wars, love, and of creatures of the night you knew didn’t exist. The library felt warm, the large fireplace lit with simmering flames to keep the Prince and his Princess warm in the late hours of the night. You watched Jeno’s lips as he read from the book opened in front of him, his eyes darting back and forth as they trailed across the words written on the paper. Your cheek was resting against the palm of your hand with your elbow keeping it steady on the table, and you couldn’t help the small smile on your lips as your listened to Jeno read about a Prince and a Princess falling in love. It was him who picked the book off of the shelf, and to be honest you had zoned out when he was reading some parts of the story, your brain focusing on his beautiful face more than the poetic words that tumbled from his mouth.

“He grasped her hands in his own, the softness of her fingertips causing riptides in the ocean of love he held deep within his soul, riptides he was ready to dive headfirst into, wanting nothing more than to drown from the assault of her love. The moonlight hit her rosy cheeks, if he wasn’t already blinded from her beauty then that would have ended his eyesight in that moment. Her lips were inviting, like a poison apple begging him to take a bite, but he knew in his heart that the poison she was offering with her plush, angel like lips, was one that would do him more good than bad.” He suddenly closed the book, glancing up at you with slightly reddened cheeks. You furrowed your eyebrows, moving your hand from your cheek to rest it on the table.

“I was enjoying that…” You pouted at him, wanting to know what happened next with the Prince and Princess. “What happens next?”

“Come with me.” He stood up abruptly, hoping that you couldn’t see how his hands were shaking as he snatched your hand into his own.

“Where are we going?” He started to walk so fast that you had to use your free hand to raise your flowing dress up off of the floor before you tripped over the loose material. He failed to respond to you as he steered the both of you through the dimly lit palace. He took you down three flights of stairs until you were on the ground floor, and he didn’t stop until he was stood outside of an arched wooden door. He pushed open the door and held it open for you to enter, smiling sweetly at you wondered past him. The first thing you noticed was the smell. The fresh, crisp smell of flowers and dirt was a welcoming smell, and one that you loved because it reminded you of the springtime in the Southern Kingdom. You couldn’t see much because of the looming darkness, but the full, bright moon shone through the glass ceiling and walls, lighting all the beautiful flowers giving them all a dim colour. You just knew that in the bright sunlight this place would be absolutely stunning.

Jeno gently guided you through the gap between the large flowers and leaves, following the trail that was purposely left and bringing you to an opening where a small table and two chairs resided. You then noticed a small indoor pond off to the side, surrounded by an array of different coloured roses. He pulled you into the clearing, the moonlight beating down on your both and causing shadows to fall on Jeno’s perfectly sculpted face. Your breath hitched in your throat when his hand came up to cup your cheek, his thumb stroking your hot cheek and his other hand lacing your fingers together. He smiled softly at you, his eyes memorizing every detail on your face that the moon bestowed upon him.

“You wanted to know what happened next in the story.” He whispered, his tongue darting out to lick his bottom lip causing your heart to almost skip a beat in anticipation. “I’ll show you.” He gulped as he leaned in, both of your eyes drawing to a close as his cool lips settled timidly on top of yours. You breathed in sharply through your nose, shock sinking into your nervous system as you realised that you were finally kissing your future. Of course you’d felt his lips on your forehead before, but that felt like nothing compared to the feeling of his lips slotted between yours. He drew away, his lips lingering on your own as his thumb started to sweep across your cheek again. You felt your lips automatically pulling into a shy smile, your eyes blinking open with the surprise of seeing his piercing brown eyes gazing at your face. “This is our story…”

---

The wedding came and went faster than you’d wanted it to. The build up to the wedding only days before had felt like they’d dragged. Your wedding dress fitting, seeing how the grand hall was decorated with the most beautiful and expensive décor that the staff of the palace could find, and finally seeing it all come to be. Your parent’s arrival the day before the wedding had you in floods of tears just from how overwhelmed you felt. You had been on deaths door just a month ago, and there you were, watching your parent’s carriage be pulled by horses with fur as black as night into the grounds of the castle the day before your marriage. Jeno had very busy, so you’d only seen him in passing in which he had looked slightly stressed and had barely given you a rushed kiss on your lips. He had to go to the town hall and give a speech in front of the civilians of the Kingdom about his marriage to you and what it meant for the Kingdoms future. You’d been there at his side, dressed up beautiful in his Kingdom’s colours and looking regal and stunning in the glowing sunshine. The snow had melted away, giving you a view of the Kingdom in a different light, but you knew that it would probably be back soon as the weather in the Northern kingdom was unpredictable.

On the day of your wedding you’d been whisked out of bed, hurried through your breakfast, and immediately taken to be dressed. Your hair had been pinned up and had beautiful white snowbell flowers woven into it. Your face had been subjected to a light dusting of makeup to accentuate your naturally stunning features. You felt like a Princess. You also felt sick with nerves, the familiar feeling of anxiety swimming around like a shark inside of your stomach. But you couldn’t let yourself be taken over by the panic, especially as you stared in the full-length mirror at yourself. Your wedding dress had long sleeves, the entirety of the dress having a layer of snow-white lace over the top of it. The body of the dress coming up over your chest and covering the corset you’d been stuffed into, the tightness of it making your anxiety worse as it felt like a constricting snake wrapping itself around your body. The skirt was a typical Princess skirt that would drag across the floor as your walked despite the beautiful white and gold heels you wore. Your lace veil was so long that it dragged along behind you as you walked. On top of your head you wore a heavy, solid gold crown that was fit perfectly for a Princess.

Once you’d arrived at the Kingdom’s church in your beautiful white carriage pulled by white horses, you waved timidly at the crowd of hundreds of civilians waiting outside the church to give you their well wishes. You noted that Jeno wore a similar crown to your own that sat on top his white blond hair when you finally got to see him as your father, the King of the Southern Kingdom, walked you down the aisle. Seeing Jeno stood at the end of the long aisle made your heart flutter. All of the past worries you had washing away like the melted snow as he stood in his white and gold royal uniform, the same one he’d been wearing on the day you’d arrived at the castle. You’d forgotten about how he’d treated you upon your arrival, but you didn’t care as you took a deep breath, your feet carrying you slowly walked down the aisle. Jeno knew he wasn’t supposed to turn around and look at you, but he couldn’t help himself. He turned around and felt his breath hitch in his throat, tears pooling in his eyes when he was how stunning you looked. After you fell ill, he never thought he’d get to see the sight of you looking like an ethereal angel as you walked down the aisle to marry him. So the sight overjoyed him, his heart bursting with the love he’d found within himself for you. He hated himself for how he treated you, especially now that he knew he was head over heels in love with you.

The ceremony flew by, your hands connected and his lips feeling warm on your own after you’d exchanged vows and rings. The gold ring felt heavy on your finger, but not from the physical weight of it, more from the emotional meaning it had. You were tied to Jeno for life now, and it had your heart beating in joy. You caught sight of Prince Jaemin wearing his own royal uniform in the front line of the crowd, his smile so wide that you couldn’t help but smile just as wide as him. Jeno bit his bottom lip, contemplating his next move, but in his head, he thought ‘fuck it’, and he swept you up into his arms. You squealed in surprise and held onto your husband tightly, the bouquet of red roses in your hand falling to the floor from your shock. Carrying you bridal style out of the church made Jeno feel a sense of pride in himself, and he ignored the heavy feeling sitting in the pit of his stomach about what was to come later. You both climbed into the awaiting carriage, Jeno’s lips finding your cheek as soon as the carriage door closed.

“I love you.” He whispered, lacing his hands with yours and causing you to almost combust on the spot. It was the first time he’d uttered those words to you, and it had your eyes filling with tears of happiness and love.

“I love you too.” You whispered back just as gently as he had. The two of you waved at the people who lined the streets of his Kingdom, your Kingdom. It dawned on you that you were no longer the Princess of the Southern Kingdom, and instead, the Princess and future Queen of the Northern Kingdom.

The wedding ceremony was followed by all the guests of the wedding going to the castle to celebrate with a banquet, soon followed by lots of dancing and mingling. You sat by your husbands side the entire time, greeting your guests with a smile and bow. The two of you held each other close when it was time for the two of you to have your first dance as husband and wife. The entire room going silent apart from the echoing music of the large orchestra as you moved around slowly with him. Soon after everyone else was able to join in, and the room was filled with joy of the festivities.

You were ushered away from Jeno by one of the maids and Mark when it hit 11pm and the guests were starting to dwindle. Your stomach hit the floor as you knew exactly what you were being taken away for. Mark’s voice echoed around your head, but you didn’t take in any of his words as he spoke to you about what was about to happen, despite you already knowing exactly how things were about to go down. You were taken to your new bedroom that you were going to be sharing with your new husband. The décor was beautiful, and it was very similar to the bedroom you’d previously had in the castle. You had a feeling Jeno had requested it to be that way to bring you more comfort. Mark excused himself and left you with two maids. They stripped you down from your wedding gown, leaving you in the white, lace lingerie that you’d been told to wear earlier on in the day. The brassiere came down to an inch above your belly button, the wire in the bra pushing your breasts up and making them look very appealing to the eye. It was paired with a matching pair of panties that did nothing to hide your ass. You wore white, thigh high stockings that were clipped onto the white suspender belt wrapped around your waist. They touched up on your makeup, pulled your hair from the pins to let it fall at your shoulders, tousled from being up all day, and finally left you on your own to await Jeno’s arrival.

It was Kingdom tradition to consummate the marriage on the day of the matrimony in order to create an heir. You were very nervous, especially as you had been dolled up to look sexy, which is something you had never had to be before in your entire life. But you supposed if it pleased your Prince, then it was worth it. You waited for Jeno, nervously pacing around the room in your heels before ultimately deciding that you felt uncomfortable and slipped them off, padding around the room in your stockings instead. You bit at your red painted bottom lip, deciding to sit on the bed to wait for your husband. You sat in the centre of the large bed, the silk bedding feeling like clouds on your bare skin as you leaned on one arm. The doorknob turning had your stomach erupting in the butterflies that had chilled out momentarily. Jeno entered the room and quickly closed the door behind him, leaving his hand on the doorknob as he looked at you with a shocked expression. He wasn’t expecting to see you like that, and his cheeks went bright red with heat from his sudden embarrassment. He hated that they’d undressed you like that, having would have preferred to undress you himself from your beautiful wedding dress. You watched him with shy eyes, wanting to cover yourself up from how he was just stood by the door, dead still, with his eyes on you. Eventually his eyes narrowed, and he shook his head. You looked like the epitome of innocence and grace, and he hated it. He hated that he was expected to ruin you in that way by taking your innocence.

“I can’t do this.” He spoke lowly, your stomach falling through the floor at his words. “No I can’t do this.” He shook his head, his eyes moving around the room to look at everything apart from you.

“What do you mean?” Your voice was soft and fragile, mirroring how you felt in that moment.

“This was a mistake!” He shouted at you, his face looking hard, his eyebrows scrunched up and his eyes seemingly darker than what they had been when he entered the room. You flinched, gulping in fright at his sudden outburst. You didn’t think you’d ever seen this Jeno again after how sweetly he’d been treating you since you fell ill. But maybe that was all an act. An act he couldn’t keep up any longer.

“Jeno…” Your eyes filled with tears as you watched him grab the vase of flowers on the dresser beside the door. The vase hit the wall on the other side of the room with a deafening smash, the flowers and shards of porcelain hitting the floor and making you squeal in surprise. He was angry, and he had never learnt how to control his anger. So he did was he always did when he couldn’t cope with his emotions. He acted on them and ended up getting aggressive.

“This was a huge fucking mistake; I don’t love you. How could I love you when I hardly fucking know you? I was forced into this and I can’t do this anymore!” His shouts echoed around the room, causing a sob to fall from your lips at his confession. The vein in his neck was prominent from how hard his shouts were and his strong jaw was tensed. His eyes held so mush hostility you wanted to cower away. “It would have been better if Nayeon had succeeded. Then neither of us would be here.” With that final blow to you, he pulled the door open and stormed out of the room, slamming it shut behind him with a loud thud that felt like it set a crack in your heart. He’d just told you that it would be better if you were dead. And it hurt. Nothing had ever hurt you more in your life than those words he’d just thrown at you on what was supposed to be the happiest day of your life. You sobbed harder than you ever had before, your throat burning and face wet from the tears that tracked down your cheeks. Eventually after you’d calmed down some maids entered the room to clean up and comfort you. But you just ignored their presence, feeling numb and staring at the broken vase across the room. Picturing your heart to be just as shattered as the vase.

---

You hadn’t seen your new husband since he’d ran out on you. It had been five days, but it felt like five months. You felt a longing in your heart, which surprised you because your heart felt so broken and your mind felt so numb. Every member of the palaces staff was either avoiding you, or treating you like you’d break if they spoke in any other way that didn’t sound patronizing. So it didn’t take a genius to put two and two together and figure out that the word had spread about your husband running out on you on your wedding night. Humiliation was a good way of describing how you felt, on top of the sadness and longing, it sat at the edge of your heart, ready to dive off into the pit of your stomach and bring back the butterflies that felt like daggers hitting the walls of your gut. You’d asked Mark where Jeno was, but he just told you that he couldn’t tell you as he was instructed not to. He seemed deeply apologetic though, and you couldn’t blame him for staying loyal to the family he worked for.

The last thing you wanted to do was meet with Prince Jaemin for lunch. But you found yourself being forced to because apparently he wouldn’t take no for an answer and he was prepared to go to extreme lengths to get you smiling again. You soon found out what those extreme lengths were when he let himself into your bedroom with a few maids in tow. The maids were each pushing a metal cart that had steaming hot plates of food you wished you had the appetite to want. Jaemin gave you somewhat of a sad smile, going to the table and chairs inside of your bedroom and pulling a chair out.

“Take a seat Princess.” He nodded down to the chair in his grasp, waiting for you to move from your seat on the bed. You let out a soft sigh, standing up and taking a seat at the table. Jaemin sat opposite you and cleared his throat. “This is probably a silly question, but how are you feeling?” You wanted to laugh at his question, giving him a strained smile as you picked up the mug of hot tea placed in front of you.

“I’ve felt better…have you seen him?” You sipped at the liquid slowly, keeping your eyes on the dark head Prince of the Western Kingdom as he started to pick at his food. He nodded, giving you another sad smile.

“I have. He’s…” He sighed as he thought about what to say, his eyes narrowing as his brain ticked over his words. “Jeno. He’s just Jeno.” The maids left the room as Jaemin dismissed them with a curt wave of his hand.

“He told me he loved me, then hours later he told me that he never loved me… He also said it would be better if I was dead.” You looked down at your fingertips that were clasping the handle on the mug tightly, trying to will the tears that flooded your eyes away.

“He’s stupid.” Jaemin’s words caused Jeno’s ears to prick up as he stood outside of the door, listening in on your conversation as they door had been left open by the maids when they left. He gripped the bouquet of roses in his hands tighter and his eyebrows furrowed. “You’re such a beautiful woman, and he doesn’t deserve you. You’re kind, he’s not.” You glanced up at Jaemin, feeling like a knife had been twisted in your gut as you listened to Jaemin’s heavy words. “I can only regret that Jeno’s parents beat my own to asking your parents for your hand in marriage.” He let out a sigh, continuing to eat as if he hadn’t just told you that he wished he was your husband and not his own cousin. Jeno felt his blood boiling, and he wanted nothing more than to hit his cousin around the head with the flowers in his grip. But instead he let out a sigh and stomped off, pushing back his plans to apologise to you as he didn’t want Jaemin to hear what he had to say to you.

“Prince Jaemin…I’m a married woman, you shouldn’t be speaking to me like that.” You wanted to sound assertive, but instead your voice was shaky and showed how nervous the conversation was making you.

“I do apologise, I didn’t mean to make you think about what could have been.” He gave you a slanted smile, clearing his throat awkwardly. “You need to eat, you look awful.” This had you letting out a curt laugh, your eyebrows raised as you looked at the cheeky Prince.

“That’s no way to speak to a Princess!”

“I’m just telling you the truth! Please, eat.” Jaemin pushed the bowl of soup in the middle of the table towards you, holding a spoon out for you to take. You let out a gentle sigh and took the spoon, sipping at the warm soup in hopes it shut Jaemin up.

---

Jeno had spent the rest of the day boiling over what he’d heard Jaemin say to you. He paced around his room and had made a complete mess of his normally neat hair from tugging at it in frustration. The sun had long gone down and he groaned as he laid on his bed staring up at the ceiling with a blank expression. He had yet to prepare for sleep, still wearing the loose white shirt tucked into his tight dress trousers. His mind wondered to thoughts of you. He heart was breaking just as much as yours was. He hated himself for the things he’d said to you, and the reasons why he said them to you. The Prince could no longer bare it and came to the decision to put an end to his distress.

He pushed himself up from the bed and didn’t think much of it as he left his room. He let his legs carry him across the castle to where you had been staying in what was supposed to be your shared bedroom. Without even thinking to do the polite thing by knocking on the door, he swung open the bedroom door, his words caught in his throat as he saw you sat by the large window, staring out at the moonlit night wearing a silk robe, your bare legs stretched out on the floor in front of you. You turned to see who had just rudely let themselves into your bedroom and your breath hitched at your eyes fell on your husband, stood with his lips parted and his hand still gripping the door handle as he stared at you. He pushed the door closed and took a few steps into the room, not really knowing what he was expecting your reaction to be. But he knew for sure he wasn’t expecting the reaction he got.

You stood up, pulling the robe tighter over your pyjama clad body, the cotton tank top and shorts not doing much to hide your body, but you weren’t expecting anyone to burst into your room unannounced. Without a word you walked up to the blond Prince stood in the middle of the room, his eyes trained on you as you moved. Your palm hitting his cheek let out a slapping sound echo off the walls, his mouth popping open as his head snapped to the side from the surprising strength you had put into the attack. He was shocked, he had no idea the meek, timid, placid Princess who he’d grown to love had it in her to lay her hands on her husband like that. But he found a fire burning inside of his stomach that made him love you more for doing that.

“Are you proud of yourself?” He slowly turned his head to see the fire behind your teary eyes. A fire that looked like it was about to be put out by the water begging to fall from the waterline of your eyes. “You made me think you loved me, and then on our wedding night you told me you wished I was dead. Now I have to be married to someone who doesn’t love me and be in a loveless marriage for the rest of my life!” He looked down at his feet, letting out a short sigh and trying to ignore how pained your voice was. “Get out.” You turned to walk back to the window, wanting to watch the falling snow in the moonlight in hopes it would calm down your racing heart. You were stopped by a strong grip on your wrist that pulled you against a firm chest, your free hand coming up to land against it in your surprise. The hand on your wrist loosened and a pair of strong arms wrapped around your body, keeping you pressed to Jeno’s torso. The feel of his grip and his familiar scent is everything you’d been dreaming about for the five days that you’d been apart from him. It was almost overwhelming being so close to him, the tears finally breaking past their barrier and streaming down your face as your heart felt like it was slowly mending itself. He pulled his arms away from your waist and moved them to cup your face in both of his hands. Tilting your head up so that your gazes were locked, he poked his tongue out to wet his lips as he took a deep breath.

“I love you so much that it physically pains me to watch the tears as they fall from your bewitching eyes. Being away from you for the past five days knowing how my words would have affected you made me want to throw myself from the tallest tower to my own demise because I knew how hard it would be to coax you into trusting me again. After the wedding, my father took me aside and reminded me of my duty as a Prince, and that I was expected to produce an heir. So that was swimming around in my head like a poison fusing with water and turning all my thoughts damaging. When I opened the door to see you poised like an angel with no wings, I felt like I was doing the world a disservice by tainting your innocence and I don’t know where my mind took me but it was an unpleasant place that left a bitter taste in my mouth and a tear in your heart.” Your eyes glistened with tears as Jeno never once glanced away during the poetic words he spilled to you. He sounded like the Prince in the book that he was reading to you in the library on the night of your first kiss. “I would never wish you dead, nor would I want to ever live in a world that you didn’t exist in. I love you, and I can spend the rest of my life telling you so and apologising if I have to. If it means that you will love me the way you did before I let my mouth talk without my hearts consent. Forgive me Princess.” He stared into your eyes, his own swimming with sincerity leading you to know that he meant the words he spoke.

“I forgive you.” You whispered, letting out a soft sigh as you gazed as his facial features, falling more in love with him as your mind went over his speech.

“Thank you, from this moment on, I will be the husband that you deserve.” He leaned in and placed his lips to your own, the kiss being soft and long as his arms moved from your cheeks to your hips. You moved one of your hands to his jaw and the other to his shoulder, feeling lost in the kiss as he slowly moved his lips against yours. This was everything you’d been dreaming about since your wedding night, and you couldn’t describe the joy and relief you felt at finally having your husband by your side. He licked at your bottom lip, pushing his tongue past your lips when you gave him entrance and letting it explore your mouth as he slowly backed you up to your now shared bed. You’d finally get to share the too big bed with the man you love instead of sleeping alone. That thought alone send sparks across your body that gave you a tingling warm feeling you’d never experienced before.

He moved his lips to your jaw, placing tender kisses to your warm skin before trailing them down your neck. He sucked gentle bruises on your neck as quiet mewls and gasps left your parted lips. His hands tugged at the silk tie of your robe and let the silk slide open. He pushed it from your body and let it fall to the floor, leaving you scantily clad in your pyjamas. His hands scaled up and down your sides as his fingertips got used to the feeling of your body, the silk bunching up as he let his hands wonder underneath your pyjama top. Pulling away from your neck, he gently lifted you onto the bed, crawling over the top of you and diving back in to kiss your lips with vigour. His hands framed your head, holding his body up as his tongue trailed your bottom lip. His body rested against yours, slotted between your legs with his crotch pressed to your own.

You knew the basics of sex. You’d been taught by a very red-faced Mark a few days before your wedding and he’d assured you that Jeno had also received the same embarrassing talk. But you still felt a bundle of nerves wind itself up inside of your stomach and the thought of having the Prince on top of you without any clothes on. But at the same time, you felt a spark of excitement travel to your core that you’d only ever felt before when you’d gotten curious and let your fingers wonder. All the orgasms you’d had were self-inflicted by the use of rubbing your clit late in the night when there was no one around to hear your quiet whimpers. So the feel of Jeno hardening against you through his clothes and your thin pyjamas was causing that familiar feeling to build, spurring you on to want more.

You turned your head and let his lips kiss at your cheek leaving faint marks of spit against your warm skin as his tongue darted out to taste you. Your chest was rising and falling fast as you tried to catch your breath, Jeno’s lips never stopped as you opened your mouth and spoke. “Have you ever…?” You felt your cheeks flare up as you blurted out the question, unable to finish it and hoping he would catch your drift. He paused and his silence piqued your curiosity, so you turned your head to look up at him. His mouth was parted, and his eyebrows were furrowed, almost as if he was annoyed at your question, and you could almost see the cogs turning in his mind.

“No of course I’ve never had sex…have you?” His eyes widened slightly, and he pulled back slightly. You had a feeling if your answer was yes then he was going to cause a scene that would wake up everyone in the castle. It was expected of a Prince or Princess to stay a virgin until their marriage to another Prince or Princess. So you would feel the same way if you found out that Jeno wasn’t a virgin, and you could understand why he had pulled such an annoyed face now you knew he thought you were asking about having sex.

“No! Oh no I didn’t mean, er…I didn’t mean that. I meant have you ever…touched yourself?” Your cheeks were boiling as your embarrassment set in, your voice almost a whisper as you asked him. Jeno visibly relaxed and a small smirk arose on his face.

“Yes, I have. Have you?” He lowered his head and laid gentle kisses to your neck that left a heavy feeling in your stomach. “Have you been a dirty girl and used your fingers to do the job your Prince should be doing?” His voice dropped an octave and your stomach fluttered as his lewd words, your hips bucking up into his as you wished for him to copy what you did late into the night. “Do you want me to do the same to you?” His fingertips trailed down your side, sending shivers up your spine and a small whine to leave your chest.

“Yes.” You whispered breathlessly as he sat back on his knees, staring down at you like a predator staring at its prey. He smirked; his bottom lip caught between his teeth as he tugged your pyjama shorts down your legs slowly. You suddenly felt shy, automatically closing your legs to block his view of your heat but he gripped at your knees and forced them apart.

“Be a good girl.” He gazed down at your glistening pussy, his tongue darting out to wet his lips as his eyes darkened. He tried to push down his own nerves, wanting you to think he was confident even though you knew he’d never seen a vagina before. He paused, taking a deep breath as he trailed a tentative finger over your folds from your clit to your dripping hole. “Wow…” He breathed out, shuffling back on the bed and laying so that he was at the right angle to lean out and lick at your centre with his slow tongue. You let your head fall back against the pillow as his tongue flicked up and down slowly, circling your clit and forcing a loud moan to erupt from your lips. Your moan provoked him to take your clit between his lips and suck on it softly, his finger trailing down to your waiting entrance. He slid it in very hesitantly, remembering the words Mark said about it being very painful for a woman if they aren’t prepped properly.

“Jeno…” You whined and lifted your head to watch him as he started to devour your pussy, his enthusiasm making you almost see stars as your toes curled and back arched, the ball of pleasure in the pit of stomach flaring up as if it was going to explode at any moment. “Oh!” You squeaked, biting your bottom lip to stop yourself from screaming as he brought you to the edge that you’d sat on many times before from your own doing. Only this time it felt a hundred times better. He stopped abruptly, removing his mouth and stopping his finger. As he pulled his face back you noticed his lips and chin glistening with your juices, causing your stomach to do a flip at obscene sight.

“I want you to finish on my cock baby girl.” His words almost shoved you over the edge, but you nodded and gulped down the saliva that had built in your mouth as you watched him. You nodded eagerly and licked your lips, gasping slightly as he pushed another finger inside of you. The slight stretch made you wince at first, but after a minute of him pumping his fingers in and out of you slowly the pain dulled, and you could feel the pleasure pouring through.

He pulled his fingers out and sat up again, popping open the three buttons at the top of his shirt before pulling the loose shirt over his head. You propped yourself up on your elbows, staring at his defined body with hearts in your eyes. His blond hair was fluffy from the friction of pulling his shirt over his head and you wanted nothing more than to tangle your hands in the light strands and trail your tongue down his chest. He threw the shirt to the floor and paused as he took the button of his trousers between his fingers and thumbs. He visibly gulped and looked up at you with hooded eyes. You could see that all his confidence had flown out of the window as he stared at you. You smiled softly, sitting yourself up and pulling your own top off, throwing it to the floor with his and leaving you completely naked in front of him. His eyes went wider than you’d ever seen as his sight dropped from your face to rest on your breasts.

“Shit.” He gulped again, his mouth almost watering at the sight of your chest. It was the first time he’d ever seen a pair of boobs in the flesh from what he could remember, and he wasn’t disappointed. He hurried to pop open the buttons on his trousers and he discarded of them, leaving him completely naked. You didn’t get much of a chance to look at his penis as he hurried to lay over you, taking on of your nipples into his mouth and cupping your other breast with his big hand. You wrapped your legs around his waist and could feel his hard cock brushing against your core, making you want more.

“Jeno, I want you now.” You whispered, his eyes glancing up to look you in the eyes as his tongue swirled around your sensitive bud.

“Hang on.” He mumbled against it, taking it between his lips once again and sucking hard. You giggled softly, reaching up and running a hand through his hair and pushing it away from his forehead.

“You like that don’t you?” You bit at your bottom lip as you watched his lips suckle on your nipple. He closed his eyes and nodded, pulling his lips back and letting your nipple go with a pop.

“Are you ready?” He moved a hand down sitting back slightly and taking his cock in his right hand, pumping it a few times. You finally got to see it, your eyes zoning in on the large member he held tightly in his hand. You’d never seen a man’s privates parts either so you had nothing to compare it to, but it definitely didn’t look small, and had a vein running up the underside, the head a pink colour with a milky bead of pre-cum leaking out from the top.

“Yes.” You nodded eagerly, settling your head against the pillow and trying to relax. He smiled softly at you, leaning over you and placing a tender and lingering kiss to your lips as he started to push his cock into you. You gasped, the pain a lot worse than the pain you’d felt from his fingers. Your back arched and tears pooled in your eyes as you tried to cope with the pain, not wanting him to stop as this was the most intimate you’d ever been with anyone, and it being your husband that you loved with all your heart meaning you’d be crushed if he stopped. He went slowly, pulling out a few times only to push in again in an attempt to fit inside of you better. He stopped once he was fully inside of you, laying kisses on your cheek and stroking your side affectionately to calm you down.

“Tell me if it gets too much Princess.” He spoke quietly into your ear, pulling his hips back and rolling them into you again. He was laying over you so that his forearms were pressed to the pillow on either side of your head, wanting to be as close to you as he could be but still so he could control the situation. He repeated this slowly, letting his head drop into the crook of your neck as his eyes squeezed shut from the immense pleasure shooting up his cock into the pit of his stomach at how tightly your walls were sucking him in. It took at least a minute of Jeno pushing his cock in and out of you for you to feel the pleasure that you’d felt when he’d used his fingers. The pain died down and you focused more on how his strong figure loomed over you, his breath panting against your neck and the sound of skin slapping against skin as he fucked you slowly. “I love you.” His voice was deep and gruff, but the words held so much meaning to you that you let out a loud moan, gripping at his back, leaving red marks on his skin as your nails dragged across it.

“I love you too.” You whimpered, your back arching and thighs starting to shake as euphoria fluttered down onto you like the snow that fell from the sky outside of the window. His thrusts got faster, and he let out little grunts and moans, his tongue darting out to lick at your neck before his teeth bit your skin, sucking a dark bruise into your skin. Your senses felt heightened and you felt like sobbing as the burning in your stomach roared like a fire about to explode. You couldn’t hold on any longer, and as Jeno’s lips met your own in a sloppy kiss, the ball of fire in your stomach finally burst and sent the best feeling you’d ever felt across your system. The orgasm Jeno gave you felt so much better than any you’d been able to bring upon yourself, and you felt yourself wanting to cling onto the man above you as he continued to make love to you.

“Fuck, baby.” He groaned, his eyes tightly shut as his rhythm faltered and he tensed up. His biceps on either side of your head became more defined as he tensed, his hips slamming into you one final time as he came inside of you, his hot seed spilling into your velvety walls. He lifted his head up and slowly opened his eyes, gazing at you with half open eyes. He let out a dazed smile, his hips rolling into yours a few times as he rode out his orgasm. He leaned in and laid his lips on yours, kissing you sweetly and full of love before attempting to pull back from you. You whined and gripped at his body, shaking your head as non-verbal sign that you didn’t want him to get up yet. He let out a soft chuckle and wrapped his arms around your body, rolling you both over so that you were laying on top of him. You laid your head against his chest and let out a sleepy slightly smile. “Thank you.” His chest vibrated against your head and you looked up at him, stroking at his skin with your fingernails as you raised an eyebrow.

“What for?” You asked, pressing your ear to his chest once more to listen to his heart as it started to beat slower.

“For being such a forgiving, and loving person. What I did was inexcusable, and you had every right to ignore me and tell me to back off. But you didn’t and I am so thankful for that, because I love you, and I’ll love you until my dying breath.” His words tugged at your heartstrings and made you feel a sense of elation. It helped that you were basking in the bliss of sex and his cock was still tucked inside of you, so you hadn’t yet felt the soreness you were sure to feel.

“You’re my Prince,” You pressed a kiss to his chest and smiled at him. “And I am your Princess. I wouldn’t change that for the world.” His arms wound around your body tighter and he placed a kiss on your forehead. It was quiet for a few minutes before his voice broke the silence.

“Can we do that again? Now?”

“Jeno!” You gasped, using your hands to push up on his chest to give him an amused, but shocked expression. “…Okay!”

---

The castle felt like a much happier place to you now that you could walk around without worrying about whether you’d end up pissing off the angry Prince if you came across him. Instead you now walked around actively trying to find him, wanting to spend as much time with him as you possibly could. The first night you’d spent together those five months ago had been the kickstart to the happy ever after that you’d read about in the books. And ever since that night, Jeno had stuck to his words and had been the best husband you could have asked for. When he wasn’t doing his Prince duties, he was by your side. Keeping you company, reading to you, trying his best to bed you, or talking to the ever-growing bump you had that held the future Prince or Princess of the Northern Kingdom. It didn’t come to a surprise to either of you when you’d found out about your pregnancy a month after you consummated your marriage. And the King and Queen were thrilled once you announced it to the Kingdom. The Queen had been spending a lot more time with you too, ecstatic that her son had finally seen the light and started his life with you. You had exchanged a few letters with your own parents, and they were happy for you and promised to visit you soon. Prince Jaemin had given you a wide smile and a friendly hug, before turning away and letting his face fall at the news of your pregnancy. He couldn’t ignore the thudding in his heart as it longed for you, but he had to pretend everything was fine and that he was happy for his cousin and yourself. You hadn’t heard anything about Nayeon, but you wished her well and decided to let go of all the negative feelings you felt towards her, giving her your forgiveness despite her attempted murder.

“Will you read to our little Prince or Princess when they’re born?” You sat in the library, opposite your husband at the table in front of the large window, watching the snow as it calmly settled on the ground of the Kingdom. Jeno looked up from the book in his hands and gave you a bright smile.

“Of course I will.” He laid the book down on the table and followed your gaze out of the window.

“They’ll love the fairy-tale books, especially the one about the brooding Prince who fell in love with the kind Princess.” Your smile widened as you talked about the book he’d read to you on the night of your first kiss. You turned to look at him and let out a soft chuckle, licking his bottom lip.

“Yes, it sounds rather familiar doesn’t it?” He tone was teasing, and he glanced out of the window again before letting his eyes fall on your prominent baby bump.

“How did the story end again?” You rested a hand on your bump as Jeno stood up. He helped you to your feet and stood in front of the glass with you, looking out at the Kingdom from the high window as he wound his arms around your frame. You placed your hands on his chest and gazed up at him, a soft smile playing on both of yours lips.

“They lived happily ever after.” He leaned down, capturing your lips with his own, pouring all the love and affection into the exchange. Thanking you in his mind for how you took his cold heart and heated it with your own love.

----

Hey, it’s finally out! This took me over a month to write and it’s brought me stress, joy, and finally a sense of achievement at writing something 20k words long. I would appreciate it dearly if you took a moment to tell me your thoughts and feelings about this piece. I’d love some feedback! I hope you enjoyed it x

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monday-headache · 3 years

Note

Hey Simon! Thank you for the amazing ask <3 Right back at you:

I love that you're writing/arting about characters that have never met in canon (Gaige and Sasha, Fiona and Scarlett). What drew you to writing these characters together? And are there any more that you'd love to explore one day? :D

Hey Sarah, glad it made you smile. I want to have more interaction with the fandom so I’ll try to make this a regular, so please be free to send me questions whenever. I’d love to read your thoughts ;)

And Omg, that’s a fantastic question as well but, be aware, this is gonna be an essay as well.

Mhh where to start, where to start.

So first things first, My headcanon of why I think Gaige and Sasha would be best friends started a pretty long while ago, way before I even got gently pushed towards the Idea of really starting to write about it in the first place. Because you must know, even though Strays is my first longshot, it is also my very first fanfc I’ve ever written in like ever. So no matter how shitty, great or whatever it will turn out to be or how well others will be, Strays has and will always have a special place in my heart. And I’m not gonna rush things either, even when the fandom will die out, my Ideas for it will flow ;)

But yeah how it started. To put it simply Gaige was my first character In Borderlands ever that I played myself. I knew about the Lore of 1 and I’ve played 1 with a friend by the time it came out, but I played 1 myself AFTER I finished 2 So that may be a big reason, why I have such an open spot for Gaige. But also because she is fun, quirky extreme, punky, loves robots and tech... to put it simple a lot of traits I really love about a character. Her backstory with the science fair was so fresh and funny, and it may be one of my favorite spoken dialogue interactions heard over echo cassette’s

Then after Bl2 my love for Borderlands continued, played 1, played TPS and then... There was Tales, and by god do I loved Tales, and I hella still do. You probably know the feeling yourself. And with the love for the game, came a huge love for it’s cast. Like seriously I think besides Tector there isn’t really a character where I was going like, “ugh this one is trash” on the contrary. And besides my obvious love for the main 2 characters, there was a big love for the Deutagonist’s of this masterpiece. Namely Sasha and Loaderbot.

Loaderbot may have officially taken the spot for me as most favorite Robot in video game history ever (and Gortys for the most precious character ever). Like his whole segment of kidnapping them, forcing them to tell the truth, only to show how much he had grieved, how betrayed he felt and that he did all of tha for his loved ones. Man say what you will about him, but damn he was written perfectly. I was blown away.

Secondly is of course, as you might have guessed it Sasha. I could go lengths for her too, how much I love and admire her character, how real she felt as a sister, a pandoran and last but not least as a human. Sasha felt to me like the most well rounded out character of the 6 (pls don’t hate me for it guys) From the punk rebellious attitude, to learning that she had an anti Hyperion pirate radio, that she used to broadcast bad things that happens in her neighbourhood, to her adapting her morals and learn that even in the most corrupt organisations there are still normal people struggling with their own life, and then progressing from it. And lastly after everything was at loss, the money the plan, she was willing to sacrifice her whole life for a dear friend/s, even on her dying breath putting both Rhys and her Sister at ease and in her last moments. Amazing.

Oooh boy and that was just the prelude to it all XD

After that I noticed a lot of similarities, between characters. Sasha and Loaderbot for instance are both pragmatic, put the lives of their loved ones over their own, love tech, are socially open people while holding back on information and emotion. Not to mention the scenes in 2 and 3 and also 4 and 5 where it is slightly hinted how well Sasha and Loaderbot work together, without sharing much words. So naturally the Idea was born that Sash and LB became quite close.

And the same goes for Sasha and Gaige. I was actually surprised that nobody (not entirely true, I saw one fanart of it) seemed to made that connection before as it was so obvious to me. So basically Sasha is a softer version of Gaige, in many terms. They both have a big heart for tech and especially guns. They both hosted a small radio broadcast that blew up in their region over night. Both are anarchist’s who spread the word for awareness, how fucked up the company war actually is. Both are not really good at their aim. Both call robots as their closes’t friends. Both share a deep hatred for Handsome Jack and his doings. Both fought a giant ass Vault Monster and nearly died in the process of doing so. Both got screwed up big time and now have a huge bounty on their head... So you see the list goes on, and honestly the more I write them, the more similarities I notice, both hc wise and canon wise. So there more I thought about it, and noticed similarites the more I fell in love with the Idea of them becoming close. And from there the Idea was born, that they probably met on a job ( the most likely scenario in the Borderlands universe). It had to be before BL3 of course, and to be after Tales naturally so that only put one timeline in the focus, Commander Lillith.

To be honest, I didn’t expect everything turning out so big. Like seriously I orifinally planed like 8k words or so. Now I’m dangling on the Idea of having 13 chapters and a big ass finally, a neat wrap up of everything and even a possible epilogue XD Yeah, that wasn’t what I expected either but damn do I love doing it.

Like seriously my headcanons only just gotten bigger and bigger. From a whole nebula system in the galaxy, to regions I created in my own mind for it, to even complex backstorys. Like why Sasha wears a headband, why she loves guns so much, what happened to her and Fi’s parents, why she was raised by her aunt, what does Felix have to do with it, Why Gaige has this kicks of both sudden depression and manical behavior. Why she’s so close to her dad, but her mom wasn’t even mentioned once (but teased), why she wanted to become a wedding planer, and why she is so obsessed with robots and margarita mix. I think one day, this thing will turn into a tabletop game or something XD

So estimated 20k words on my answer later and now we are going for my own created ship Scarleona. Don’t worry, as much as I like to gosh about that too, it wont take as long I prommy.

Scarleona was created in a sudden urge while thinking about what happpend to Fiona while Strays happened. And similar to Gaige and Sasha, Scarleona was born from a dynamic. Especially of those from two Ladybosses with Silvertongue and speech 100XD Fiona and Scarlett may have become my favorite Fiona ship (no offense everybody) because of how well they play off each other. Fiona is a con artist, her whole life she was used to swindle, to play it cool and by ear, go with the flow, and expect the unexpected. So here core idea is that she is manupulating people by LYING to them.

Scarlett on the other hand is similar while also the complete opposite to it. She is backstabby, plays with her charm and most importantly she is dead honest while tricking people. In fact even so honest that people don’t even realised that they got tricked even though she told it several times before. And this dynamic is so fascinating to me. You see, Fiona has almost an answer an action for everything prepared, but the idea that her winning honesty, is mind puzzling to Fiona is so perfect. @michellespenscratchz wrote me a drabble several months ago and I think that line describes it just perfect

“So, let me see if I got this straight,” Fiona tilted her head inquisitively at Captain Scarlett. “You needed these Vault Hunters’ help to find this treasure for you. So you…just asked them?”

“That’s right.” Scarlett nodded, inspecting her hook nonchalantly.

“Even though they knew you wanted it for yourself?” Fiona asked.

“Indeed,” Scarlett replied.

“And they…” Fiona blinked, “…knew you planned on fighting them for it once they had it.”

“Of course they did,” Scarlett shrugged. “I told them as much.”

“You told them?”

“Yes.”

“And they helped you anyway?”

“Precisely.” Scarlett turned her hat against the blistering wind. “I fear I don’t quite grasp what about this is so difficult to grasp, Fiona dear.”

“Huh.” Fiona cast her gaze out across the expanse of Pandoran horizon. “I guess I just gotta–I dunno–rethink my whole life right now.”

So yeah, that was basically it. I kinda diagressed and didn’t want to hurt your eyes more looking at the long ass text, but please if you have some more questions to it, pls hit me. I love to gosh about it <3

And thank you so much <3 This was hella fun

#Borderlands #Tales from the Borderlands #Strays of the Pack #Scarleona #Sasha the Kid Sister #Gaige the Mechromancer #I still need a great name for Sash and Gaige's dynamic #maybe I should go with Wolfpack for now till something better crosses my mind.#Fiona the Con Artist #Captain Scarlett #Thank you #<3

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itsclydebitches · 5 years

Text

Discredit Pt. 2: More Recommended Reviews For A.Z. Fell’s

Alright, folks. Some notes first:

1. You all rock. I’m sending out 20k+ virtual hugs for all the notes I NEVER expected to get on this nonsense.

2. This is probably the final section, just because I’m not sure I can adequately follow up part one and it might be foolish to attempt it here. Let alone twice. But for now, here we go.

3. Kudos to the anon who reminded me of Aziraphale’s cash-only policy <3

4. Nicole Y’s review is based off an actual comment I read years ago, but heaven only knows where online it was. I’ve got the memory of a goldfish.

5. Trigger warning for the use of a queer slur in this. It’s the same review as above, number 5 if you want to avoid it.

6. There’s a text-only version of just the reviews at the end, after all the images. I’ll upload that to my Sparse Clutter collection on AO3 in a bit.

Bonus 7. People thinking this is a real shop deserve all the good things in this world.

That’s all I’ve got. Hope you enjoy! 👍

****************************************************************************

I’m a simple guy who likes simple jokes. If there’s a whoopee cushion I plant it. I will call you up to ask if your refrigerator is running and then tell you to go catch it. (Actually that one died out so thoroughly it’s actually capable of a comeback now!). Yes, I’m a dad and yes, I have a t-shirt that says Dad Jokes? I Think You Mean Rad Jokes! which I wear un-ironically every Saturday. All of which is just to say that my wife was well prepared for my stupidity when I walked into Fell’s.

I? I was not.

You see the bibles when you walk in? The ones to the left? Let them be. Don’t even look at them. Definitely don’t pick out the fanciest one you can find and absolutely don’t walk up to the owner with it held in your pudgy little fingers, grinning like a loon, cheerfully asking whether this should be in the fiction section. Just don’t. Mark my words you’ll regret it. Though your wife won’t. She’ll get a great old laugh out of it all.

In conclusion: it’s quite possible that mama did raise a fool and he just got his ass verbally whooped by a guy in a bowtie.

***

Shout-out to Mr. Fell for being the only decent bloke in this city. I’ve popped in and out of his store for years—including before I started transitioning. So he knew my dead name, dead look, whole shebang and I was definitely nervous to play the ‘You know me, but this is what’s changed and are you gonna throw a fit about it?’ game.

You know what he said? “Oh, Rose! What a lovely choice. Crowley dear, why aren’t you growing any roses? Some white ones would look splendid next to my Henredon chair.”

That’s it. He just went straight into dragging his partner for not giving him roses. So hey, Mom? Next time you’re snooping through my social media why don’t you explain to all these nice people why the 50+yo book seller accepts me in ways you won’t. Don’t go telling me age is an excuse or that you’re ‘Stuck in your ways.’ I’ve watched Fell dress in the same damn clothes since I was ten!!

Yeah. Sorry. Rant over. Fell’s a gem. That’s my take. Rose out.

***

Anyone else in the shop when that guy started yelling about buying pornography? And then got escorted into the back room for some ‘private conversation’? Well done, Mr. Fell! Didn’t know you had it in you.

***

Alright alright alright alright I am TOTALLY calm about this.

Went into A.Z. Fell’s last Thursday. Not because I knew anything about the place. Just because I’ve been hitting up every bookshop within a twenty-mile radius, asking if they’re hosting any book signings. Long story short I self-published my novel Blight last month—which you can get for a mere £5 here but I swear this isn’t a promotional thing I’m just BROKE—and have been looking for networking opportunities, tips, stuff like that. So the owner listened politely as I explained all this. Then said he didn’t do anything of that sort, which didn’t surprise me given the shop’s vibe.

But then? Then??? He offered to let me do a signing there??????

As said. Totally calm about this. This man either plans to kidnap me or is actually giving me my first shot at an audience outside my blog. AKA totally worth the risk.

Tuesday the 9th. 7:00pm. Just in case anyone’s interested ;)

***

holy sweet baby jesus i was tripping balls last week you tryin’ to tell me that kING KONG SIZED FANGED FUCK SNAKE IS REAL

***

Witnessed the most perfect exchange the other day:

Grumpy Dude With No Manners: “You. Boy. Where’s the man I spoke with over the phone?”

Mr. Fell’s Partner Who Knows Damn Well Only Two of Them Work There But Clearly Doesn’t Like This Guy’s Tone: “Did this man give you his name?”

Grumpy Dude: “Might have. Don’t remember. Sounded like a fairy though.”

Me: “....”

My girlfriend: “....”

This Poor Sweet Startled Kid On Our Left: “?!?!?!?”

Fell’s Partner In The Drollest Voice I’ve Ever Heard: “None of us have wings. Out!”

***

This shop gets full stars simply because every time I walk in they’re playing Queen.

I mean, I’ve walked in once, but once is enough when you’ve got Crazy Little Thing Called Love blasting full volume.

***

Okay, I’m still kind of shaken up but I needed to write this out somewhere and this seemed as good a place as any.

I spilled my latte on a book. Just tripped on thin air, popped the lid, and chucked a venti’s worth of coffee all over a very expensive looking text. I didn’t mean to, obviously, but it happened and I just started bawling on the spot. Full on sobs because this semester has been absolute hell, I ruined this guy’s antique, there’s no way I can pay for it, I can’t even sneak away because I’m drawing the whole store’s attention...just all the things all at once. I really was straight up panicking and was seconds away from pulling out my inhaler. I couldn’t breathe.

And then Mr. Fell showed up.

Jesus it’s embarrassing to admit but I think I hit him once or twice. On the arms I mean, because he was trying to touch me and I figured, I don’t know, it was a restraint or something. He was going to call the police and hold me until they got there. But then he managed to start rubbing my back and I lost it like I hadn’t already been bawling my eyes out in this shop. Ever cry into a perfect stranger’s chest? I have! But if Mr. Fell seemed to mind he definitely didn’t show it. Just kept holding me while I probably ruined his shirt and then took me into the back and made me a new coffee in this cute little angel mug. He let me stay there while I called my sister and waited for her to arrive.

She’s a good twenty minutes outside of Soho, so we talked for a while. It’s not like Mr. Fell could fix my shit roommate or bio classes, but I guess just talking about it all really helped. I was a lot calmer by the time my sis arrived and Mr. Fell insisted I come back any time I wanted—for browsing or more coffee.

Of course, sis offered to pay for the book herself. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone look so surprised in my life. “Certainly not!” he said. “Contrary to popular belief, no one should pay for their mistakes. It’s what makes you all so wonderfully human.”

So yeah. Thanks, Mr. Fell.

***

This little shop must have started a book club for kids! Lately I’ve seen the same group of children hanging out at Fell’s. Three boys and a girl. They’re a bit rambunctious at times, but who isn’t at that age? So wonderful seeing literature passed down to the next generation. Even if some of it is rather questionable looking...

***

It’s an honest crime that more of you aren’t talking about what a wonderful bookstore this is.

I’m a book lover at heart and Fell’s always makes me feel like I’m coming home. I just arrived somewhere safe and familiar after a particularly harrowing day. I’ve slipped under the covers of my bed after dinner and a bubble bath. It’s something like that, but with an element of surprise too. One of the reasons why I adore private and used shops over chain stores is that little touch of chaos. You walk in and sure, there are general sections to browse, but everything is just a little bit disorganized from people leafing through books and then putting them back somewhere else. There’s no real record keeping, you’ve just gotta head to one particular corner and hope for the best. It’s not the sort of place you go to if you want something specific because the chances of them having it are slim—that’s just how the universe works—and even if they did no employee knows where it is anymore.

But if you wander the shelves for a while, crouch down low to get a look at everything on the bottom shelf, pay attention to the books that don’t have easy to read titles or any summaries to speak of... you just might find something you didn’t know you were looking for. That’s Fell’s: the comfort of the familiar and the excitement of the unknown.

*** A lot of people might assume that these stories are embellished or outright made up, but as a bookseller myself going on twenty years I believe every single one of them.

That being said, I accidentally moved a rug and found chalk sigils that look like they belong in a cult. Make of that what you will.

***

There’s a special place in hell for 21st century shop owners that only take cash. Who carries cash anymore? Not me! I haven’t bothered with that nonsense in years! You can get a card reader for 15 pounds on Amazon. Or you know what? Be stingy and pay 7 for the little attachment on your phone. This place is nuts if it thinks it’s going to survive much longer on a cash-only policy, especially with some books that look like they’re worth hundreds or thousands of pounds! Yeah, yeah, just let me pull out this giant wad of bills for you. I’ll carry them around a crime-laden city because there’s no ATM near you either.

I mean jesus, you’d think this guy didn’t want to sell anything.

***

I walked in. There was a man screaming at a fern while another threatened him with an umbrella. I walked out.

5 stars do recommend.

***

I once walked in on the same (?) guy yelling at a book for daring to fall on the owner’s head. I think that’s just a Thing over there.

***

Like a lot of people here I didn’t actually go to Fell’s for any books (flat tire, Angel Recovery taking forever) and ended up staying three hours (not because of Angel). No, I wandered towards the back and found this ancient CRT set propped on a table of books, the kind that my Dad used to watch Twilight Zone on. This lanky guy had a marathon of Gilmore Girls going... though how he was managing that with a broken antenna and no DVR, I really don’t know. But yeah. He told me to pull up a chair and I did. Guy gave me popcorn.

I wish I’d paid a little more attention to his name. Charlie? Curley? I really can’t remember, but thanks for the enjoyable afternoon, man.

***

I BOUGHT A BOOK HERE

Not sure how though. Just kinda happened. First edition of Just William. Frankly I didn’t even want the thing, but the owner basically shoved me out the door with it when I took two seconds to look at the spine. Odd that he was so willing to part with this one.

Update: ... hold up. I didn’t buy a book because I never actually paid the guy. ‘Basically shoved me out the door’ was literal. Do I go back??

***

This page has really gone feral the last couple of months so I’m just gonna bite the bullet and say it:

Anyone notice that Fell’s snake and Fell’s partner are never in the same room together?

***

I really don’t like the implications of this…

***

This is precisely why the Internet has turned into a cesspool. You all should be ashamed of some of the stuff you’re writing here. Can’t two men just be friends anymore? Two real life men? These guys aren’t some characters for you to ‘ship’ or whatever. Quit making outrageous assumptions about their sexualities and use this website for what it’s actually for: reviewing the bookshop. Honestly I’m so sick of this sort of this shit.

***

Dude. They run a queer-focused shop together with a flat on the second floor. Fell calls the guy ‘Dear’ and he’s always calling him ‘Angel.’ People have literally seen them kissing. If you want I can give you the number of my physician. He might be able to help you pull your head out of your ass.

***

What the hell is your problem? I’m literally just reminding people to stop making assumptions. It’s gross and insulting. These guys check their Yelp page. You really think they’re gonna be okay with this stuff?

Also: I’m not the five-year-old relying on insults, so.

***

Making an account purely to set the record straight: I’m the hot twink in question and I married that angel. Peace

#good omens #ineffable husbands #air conditioning #good omens fic #guess who spent 48 hours doing nothing but writing and formatting #can I get a wahoo

11K notes · View notes

sheyshocked · 3 years

Text

Of golden mirrors and secret admirers (6/6)

Summary: Simon underestimates Markus’ determination to make him realize just how much is he worth (not only) to him.

Ship: Simon/Markus (Detroit: Become Human)

Warnings: None

A/N: That’s it, folks! Another big AU fic, completed and I’m so happy how it turned out (if anyone told me last year I would write a single story, even from one of my favorite AUs, that would get over 20k words, I would have laughed at him). Thank you so much for all the love this has received, I have so many ideas for fics I should try next, but my page on tumblr just hit a milestone, so I was thinking about trying something new and doing requests in the meantime.

If you are interested in that, send me a prompt or your favorite trope, and let’s see what will I make of it (I will make an official post for that soon). Thanks again and bye!

Simon hasn’t slept well that night. If at all.

Although he kept telling himself Markus is gonna come to his senses overnight and won’t bother coming over just to tell him he changed his mind, that he has options, he couldn’t help his body from thrumming with restless energy (both literally and figuratively – the magic coursing through his veins was drawing near to the surface, blindly reaching out to someone who wasn’t even there in the first place), preventing him from falling asleep.

And to make things worse, when he finally did manage to pass out with exhaustion, he was plagued by nightmares. Most of them were forgotten as soon as they ended, but one in particular stood out to him.

It was about Markus, of course.

In the dream, he was running up toward him through a beautiful blooming orchard. Markus caught him in his arms, his laughter sounding like jingle bells. So precious.

But once Simon went in for a kiss, he was stopped by a sleek hand with a warm brown skin gently covering his mouth. The orchard grew dark and eerily quiet as the young artist slowly shook his head, and to Simon’s horror, disappeared right before his eyes in a whirlwind of bone-white petals.

Simon woke up with a heart-wrenching sob that sounded so loud in the dead silence of the house. He couldn’t even recognize the room around him at first, his mind still captured somewhere between the dream and the reality. But after a while, his gaze slowly became sharp once again and he realized it was just a very vivid nightmare. A mere twisted shadow of his internal fears and desires.

He rested his head in his hands with a sigh. He was no small child to get so upset by a bad dream. But… he could still feel Markus’ ghostly arms around him, smell the scent of pinewood and dusty canvas he came to know so well by now. Now more than ever did he see how much he cherished the other man, and how little it would take him to break his foolish heart. He could bear rejection from anyone else, but not from Markus, the golden lad of the village.

It was a terrifying thought that someone held so much power over him, however… he still found himself craving it, craving Markus, like a moth drawn to the flame. He knew it was possibly going to destroy him. He just didn’t care.

One short glance out of the window told him it was dead of the night, way too early to start the day, but with the dream still in his fresh memory, he doubted going back to bed would bring him any more rest. So after a short debate, he got out of the bed, put on some decent clothes, lit a few candles, and went to do some writing before anyone comes asking for his help.

It was early after sunrise, the first gentle rays of sunshine just started tickling his skin, when he heard a spirited knock on the door. Once, twice… He raised his head with a frown and set the quill aside (he made a big ugly mess with the ink, smearing it all over his hand, sleeve, and desk, but at the moment, it was the least of his concerns) before hurrying to answer the door.

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” he shouted when his impatient visitor started knocking again. Oh no, something bad had to happen again, perhaps some curious child fell down the village’s well. They wouldn’t be so desperate to see him at this hour of the day otherwise.

His worries were quickly replaced by a sharp stab of pain as he stubbed his toe against the cupboard. Hissing with ache and jumping on one foot, he finally made it to the door. Now, who’s it gonna be this time…

…He couldn’t be further from the truth when he assumed it will end up being some concerned parent of a lost or injured child.

He was welcomed by a small bouquet being shoved into his face, and Markus’ excited, if a little bit anxious smile behind it. He had some sort of a bag thrown over his shoulder, but his clothes were very elegant as always. Good old Markus was back.

“Morning, Simon! I brought you some flowers. Hope you don’t mind. They are nothing special, but the dandelions reminded me of your hair, and I thought you would like them.”

True, it might be just a bunch of common daisies (he tried his best to ignore their threateningly bone-white petals, an echo of his nightmare, and focus instead on the colorful flowers all around them), dandelions, and other herbs one could easily find along the road, but the knowledge that Markus thought about him enough to bring him such a thoughtful gift, it nearly drove Simon into tears. He quickly hid them away by accepting the flowers and pretending to take a long whiff, filling his lungs with their sweet fragrance.

Wildflowers never smelled like much to him, but right now, they carried the scent of distant coasts and freedom with them.

“Oh, thank you. These are lovely,” he hummed, a small, gentle smile crossing his lips as he did so.

Then his mind connected the dots again. This was a courtship. He was being courted. Well, probably not courted-courted, not from the get-go, but Markus made it already clear before that he was looking for a partner, not just some fun to pass the days in his mansion, and they have almost kissed the other day (just thinking about it, about Markus’ warm breath tickling on his skin, their racing hearts, was enough to send small tingling sensations down to his core), so…

But what was he supposed to do? Should they start talking about what happened? Or would it be more acceptable after having some tea together? He seriously had no idea.

He has seen plenty of couples courting and getting married (and of course he had some experience before with the boy from the college, however, none of it could be called proper dating), but the concept in which he played a part in these lovey-dovey scenarios seemed so unlikely and bizarre to him he didn’t even dare to hope.

C’mon, he’s watching you, do something!

“Wa-wanna come inside? I think there are still some cookies left in the jar on the cupboard. You could have some while we… discuss things.”

Bravo, Simon, nailed it, he mentally kicked himself, but to his surprise, he was met with a toothy grin on Markus’ face as he coquettishly leaned against the doorframe, close but not as if to make him feel trapped (a sentiment he very much appreciated, because as soon as the young artist closed the distance between them, his feeble heart started doing somersaults inside his ribcage).

“Are you sure? I was wondering if you were still up for having that conversation.”

What a tease. Simon rolled his eyes and dodged him by giving him a gentle flick on the nose with his finger and getting out of the way before he could react like a damsel trying to play coy. Flirting didn’t come naturally to him, but then again, most people enjoyed a little bit of chase, right?

“Cookies first. Then we can talk to your heart’s content.”

Markus looked kinda confused at first, making Simon wonder for a second if he hasn’t overdone it, but then his lips curved up in a smirk. “Alright, have it your way. After you.”

It wasn’t nearly as awkward as he pictured it to be when he gestured Markus to take a seat by the table and went to retrieve the cookie jar, putting the flowers into water while he was at it as well. However, once he returned with the promised sweets, his nervous side struck again. Where should he sit? There was a chair right next to Markus, but wouldn’t that be too much at the moment? Maybe he should take a seat on the other side of the table, where he could talk without being distracted by Markus’ closeness, and maybe hold hands once they figure everything out first?

Seeing his inner struggle that was making itself obvious on his face, Markus tenderly patted the chair next to him. Not an order, just a suggestion coming from a young man just as clueless as him, but eager, oh so eager. Simon gave him a smile in return, immediately feeling much more at ease, and sat down. Markus, with mouth stuffed full of cookies – those made with all sorts of dried fruits and honey seemed to be his absolute favorite, Simon noted with pride – offered him one, and he took it without even blinking.

It was actually kinda nice, just sitting there side by side, eating cookies together, and enjoying each other’s presence without much talking. Simon wished it would never end.

But of course it had to end eventually. They needed to have this conversation. He was merely playing for time.

“I wasn’t really sure you would come,” he finally found the courage to admit when the silence was dragging out for far too long, and it earned him a puzzled look from the young man.

“Why not?”

Simon sighed. “I just… didn’t think you would deem it worth your while.”

“Of course it’s worth my while, Simon. It’s you. That’s all I have ever wanted.” Seeing his eyebrow raised in disbelief, Markus chose a slightly different tactic. He leaned back in his chair. “Since you’ve left our house, I’ve been wondering what would it take to convince you of my honesty. And I think I have just the thing.”

He reached into the bag he has been carrying the entire time and presented him with a neatly wrapped package. It was similar in size and shape to the one Simon promised to deliver to the Manfreds days ago, just prettier, more colorful. Markus put it down on the desk in front of him like a birthday present and then gestured for him to open it. Simon had no idea what was this supposed to mean, but as always, did what was asked of him.

A surprised gasp got caught in his throat as he rescued a small, gilded mirror from its paper confines. “That’s… my hand-mirror.”

“Yeah,” Markus nodded. “The very same you gave me. You mentioned I could return it on my wedding day and I know this is far from it, so take it as my proposal instead. You are the one I wish to spend the rest of my life with. And if you reject me now, then do so because you don’t feel the same about me, not because you think you are not good enough. You are worth so much more than you can ever imagine, and I would be humbled to call you my sweetheart.”

Simon fought back tears that threatened to spill down his face as he set the mirror back on the table. Years and years of being told he wasn’t good enough. A third-rate mage, too keeping to himself to appeal to his own kind, and on the other hand too “strange” for outsiders. And now he finally found where he belonged. It felt almost like a dream. Or a miracle.

“Do you mean it?” he aimed to ask in a strong voice, but failed miserably, his throat too tight for it not to end up sounding like a sob.

Markus’ expression softened as he reached out to touch his violently shaking hand. “I do. You are the only one I’ve ever loved.”

Well, would you look at that. Everything became blurry all of the sudden, as Simon finally let go and started crying openly, without any shame or fear of being condemned. The hand that was clutching his, sweetly drawing circles over his knuckles to calm him down, disappeared for a few seconds, only for it to appear once again on his cheek, gently wiping away the tears that gathered there. Simon has never received such a tender gesture from someone who meant it, and it was making his heart ready to burst.

Once his vision cleared out enough to see, he found out that Markus was kneeling on the ground in front of him, giving him an encouraging little smile as his own eyes, so radiantly green and beautiful as always, became moist with tears, too. Simon let out a watery chuckle.

“C'mere, you. I wanna kiss you.”

He didn’t have to be told twice.

Simon nearly forgot how to breathe. Or think. His whole world, insecurities and troubles alike, it all disappeared in favor of memorizing how good it felt to have Markus’ skin on his own. How silky smooth and firm he was in his arms when he leaned up from the ground and their lips finally met, slow and soft and somewhat timid, like a butterfly landing on their skin.

Who cared that the angle was slightly off and that at the beginning, Markus seemed to be struggling with where should he put his hands, before they finally settled around his neck, fingers lazily playing with the strands of his hair. Simon relished in every clumsy move and touch. In his eyes, it was magic given life and shape.

Speaking of magic… he noticed the telltale subtle shift in the air, like his otherworldly powers were acting up on their own again, and he cracked one eye open to check it out. To his dismay, there were dozens of small cyan and turquoise wisps of light dancing around them, shining like stars. Markus soon became aware of them too, and he drew away, giggling while he looked around the suddenly nicely lit room.

“Sorry,” Simon mumbled, cheeks burning bright as he let the magic that got out of hand disappear with a single snap of a finger.

“Oh, no, no, don’t be,” Markus rushed to comfort him. They both sounded out of breath, even though the kiss barely lasted a few fleeting moments. It was kinda funny how even the simplest gesture was enough for them to turn them putty in the other one’s hands. “It was fantastic. Even better than I ever imagined it, my very first kiss, to be.”

At first, Simon didn’t understand. Still too caught up in the world of sensation to make sense of what was (not so subtly) implied. Then, it suddenly fell into place. He gave Markus a surprised look.

“Wait. You’ve never been kissed before?” He received a sheepish nod in return. “So what was that bravado yesterday?”

Markus rubbed the back of his neck with his hand as if he was deeply self-conscious of his lack of experience. Silly boy. True, Simon could never see this coming (with such striking beauty and talent, he probably had to chase unwanted suitors, both men and women, away with a stick), but it mattered little to him. In fact, he was a little humbled that the young man chose him of all the people as his first.

“Heat of the moment. Can’t really blame me for jumping at the opportunity.”

Point taken. Simon flashed him a smile before leaning in and stealing another small peck on the lips. “It’s alright. I loved it. And we are free to practice for as long as you want to.”

“Forever, then,” Markus breathed out dreamily, making Simon laugh as they fell into a comfortable embrace.

The mirror, lying forgotten on the desk where the mage put it, was gleaming softly.

#detroit become human #simarkus #dbh #dbh fanfiction #dbh fanfic #dbh markus #dbh simon #fantasy au #fairy tale au #multiple chapters #shey scribbles

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roses-ruby · 5 years

Text

Come home to me...Darling

Jimin x Female Reader

Ao3 Link

Part 1 of 2 (Part 2)

Genre: Cheating!AU, angst, soft vanilla smut , fluff

Warnings: Sex, Infidelity, Cursing, Sad

Word Count: 22,677

Summary: Jimin cheats and you try to make him stay. But whatever you do, it’s never enough.

A/N: YAAASSSSS, I’m done. This was originally supposed to be a one shot,,,but :),,,my brain,,,and hands,,,:),,,never know when to stop. My planning consisted of ‘Oh I could add this here’ or ‘Oh I could type more to this part’ and here we are 20k words later. Also plz let me know what you think.🥺 I need gratification babes🥺 Anyway, enjoy!

It was subtle really. Blink once and you’d miss it.

The first time Jimin cheated on you was two years into your marriage. An older lady, Jessica something – beautiful and elegant. You remember her as one of Jimin’s college professors, an intelligent woman who loved France and fine things. Running into her at a charity gala caught him by surprise, he seemed to forget your existence for the half hour they spent conversing. You couldn’t blame him, you were never the most interesting person, and she had all the wits on her side. Consequently, finding a text on his phone two weeks later that read ‘Last night was amazing, but it can’t happen again…’ caught you by surprise. He took a long relaxing shower as you gripped his left open phone and wept in your shared bedroom. After what felt like hours; he came out, wet hair sleeked back, a towel loosely hanging on his hips and gave you a tiny peck as you set up dinner.

It took you so long to recover. Softly becoming withdrawn and half of a living shell. Yet he continued to torture you with his endearing smile, his cheesy dialogues, and piercing stares until the memory faded away; the gala, the meeting, the text. Soon you were in his arms again, making sweet love to your first love. Drowning out the images of the text, convincing yourself you misunderstood, as you always do. Jimin is a difficult man to figure out after all. Even if it did happen, it’s over now – Jimin stayed with you and that’s what counts. Anyone else would have left your miserable self years ago, no?

And in the end that became your truth, no matter how hard your conscious tried to tell you otherwise when you laid awake in the middle of the night. But you wanted to save your marriage, so you left no stone unturned. You sank any rational thoughts and feelings – pushing them deep inside a hidden vault – never to float above the thin striped surface of your happiness. As long as Jimin comes home to you.

You never spoke of it.

The second time he was unfaithful was with his so-called best friend Mina about a year and a half later. His age, long curly hair and doe eyes – she was one of the guys. Preferring sweatpants over skirts and gaming over the salon, she easily befriended Jimin with similar interests. She was so different from you, so youthful and quirky. It happened repeatedly; with someone he’s known for so long…someone who knows you exist – and how much you love him. Dread settles in your stomach like a rock, as you thought this might be it, he’ll be taken away from you this time. And even though he came home every time, it still hurt more and more. How could you let this happen again? Why were you never good enough? Getting to the point where you could no longer tolerate the heartache you hesitantly confronted him about it one day. After he missed your anniversary date and came home with messy hair, ruffled clothes and a hint of a love bite, of course. No way for anyone to deny that…even if you tried.

Jimin came back to you a mess. He was careless. It was 5 in the morning and half the city was deep asleep. Holding you in a smothering back hug he cried and cried and cried. Rushed apologies fell from his lips as he soaked the back of your night dress with tears. Turning to face him, you cupped his jaw, wiping away the tears occupying his cheeks. Any curses you might have wanted to say to him fell away into the void, as you gently give him a hug. He’s trembling through his cries as he holds you back tighter than ever. Closing your own damp eyes, you try to calm your loud heart with his scent.

You look into the windows of his soul – he looks lost – scared almost, just like a little boy. Not the man you’ve grown accustomed to. Yet you wait for a response, opening your ears for him to repent, to apologize. Because that’s who Park Jimin is – he wouldn’t hurt anyone like this. This isn’t him.

“I-I-I’m s-sorry…*hic* I-It didn’t mean an-anything *hic*,” He barely made out a sentence

“Do you…love her?” You cringe as soon as you word out love. Never in your life had you been more afraid than in that moment, waiting for his response. Which took him a minute as he faced away from you, clenching his eyes shut. Trying to drown out the expression of agony on your face – all because of him.

“I…” Jimin opens his eyes, looking at the marbled floor of your cold apartment “It’s not that”

“Then why” You choke out, tears making their way down your face again and you grimace in embarrassment

“…I don’t know…I just-”

“Do you love me?”

You interrupt him, and he finally looks up at you, meeting your eyes. The shocked expression on his face morphs into pain; his silence becomes his answer.

Losing strength in your knees, you fall onto the floor wailing. Jimin’s quick on his feet and bends to your shaking torso. Tentative at first, he takes a second before he wraps his arms around you. You can feel him crying along – his tears soaking the skin of your cheek.

“I do!” He shouts making you jump in his arms “I do! I love you, I love you, I love you”

It was as if he was chanting to himself. Trying to persuade himself that he does, like he desired persuasion more than anything in that moment. But you were too blind to see it.

You hold onto him tightly, needing to feel his warmth through your freezing skin. Sniffles and hiccups fall through your mouth, and you have difficulty controlling your breath. Jimin’s never seen you cry like this; the last time might’ve been when you spoke about your mom 3 years ago. Telling him all the pain she’s put you through which made is blood boil. Now he’s the one responsible for every tear – every whimper that left you, he’s responsible for your broken state.

“I thought I lost you, that you weren’t coming back. That you would leave me for her”

“I’m glad you’re home, *sniff* Jimin…please always come home,” You speak through tears, your worthless body selfishly clinging onto his addictive heat, “…please don’t leave me”

“I won’t”

He pulls away from you. You see the tears staining his face, and you move your fingers to wipe them. To make him your perfect man again.

“I’m sorry …sorry…” he whispers, cutting through the calm of the bright room.

You look out the window of the colorless sky. The rain smacks against the glass in scolding, holding you awake in your otherwise inert body.

“I’ve never liked this place Jimin…let’s move away from here…let’s start over…Okay?

The look in your eye is so sincere – so desperate and Jimin can’t tell you no. He gives you a quick ‘Okay’ and you’re in each other’s arms again. Both searching for the missing sun on that stormy night.

Usually, after such a dramatic scene there’s a huge happy ending where every character gets some form of sedation and contentment. But sadly, that could never be the case with you. It had been three years since you both moved into the big city. Leaving your past behind is in no way easy, but you would have gone to the world’s end for Jimin. Besides, it wasn’t like you had much to stay for. All you’ve ever had was Jimin. It took a lot of love and patience, but these three years you felt your relationship grew stronger; better. That’s what you liked to believe.

You’d been married for six years now. Six wonderful years since he walked up to you one spring day in college, told you the professor had made you partners and gave you a smile you’d think only angels would be capable of. Not that you’d admit it, but you fell in love right in that moment between his ethereal features and the blossoms that danced in the wind outside the large window you sat next to. You knew about him, he was quite famous on campus. Park Jimin, the ladies’ man – someone who drove even men crazy – trapped on his presence. Everyone raved about Jimin, he was a topic in every third person’s conversation. A beautiful and charming man. It was a world far different from yours.

You grew up reserved and introverted. Growing up, you never had someone to call a friend. In elementary school, when kids were becoming socially productive and playing tag at recess, you were stiff and late to respond to any of your quick-witted classmates. In middle school, amongst blue eye shadow and girl’s getting their first piercings, you managed to win the science bowl and always had your head buried in a book.

Highschool came around and hormones ran amok, making all and sundry aggressive towards the other. Aside from a snide comment and a snicker directed at you, you never really had any run-ins with bullies. You blended in with the shadows, and no one knew or cared for your presence. Similarly, at home your mom was never around, but there were some lucky dates once every blue moon she’d have dinner with you. It would be something you made, you took refuge in your kitchen often and it brought you peace of mind. Even then, all she cared about was if you were keeping up your grades. And still, everyday you’d spend hours waiting on her to come home without her insight. She seldom did.

Throughout your years, you tried to understand her. Her husband, your dad, left her when she was 8th months pregnant with you. She was a career woman, and in a sense, you were her biggest misfortune. The cause of him abandoning her, the cause of her hitting the brake on her career. So, you never complained; manage to drown out the child begging for affection inside of you. Even when she couldn’t make it to your graduation ceremony, where you gave the valedictorian speech. Actually, you were glad she didn’t come, you weren’t the best at speeches and even some teachers were yawning as you spoke on the podium that day. It was dreadful, you stayed up all night to write those words, and no one gave it a second thought. Since then you preferred it, staying a meek secondary character.

Jimin was salutatorian of his own high school. He joked about how his homeroom teacher cried and made a big fuss the day he graduated. His parents were so proud of him, and he shed many tears saying farewells to his friends and colleagues. How embarrassing his speech was, how everyone laughed at his little mistakes. But you knew, the laughs directed around Jimin could never be malicious.

You smiled looking through his photo album in his college dorm, seeing Park Jimin look so happy through the plastic covers of the pictures. His head was on your lap and he held your waist by his arm, wanting nothing more but to be close to you. Glancing at him then back at the album made you realize, however, that a camera couldn’t capture the true exquisiteness of the way he stretches his lips or how polished his crescent eyes would actually become. Park Jimin was an unexplainable beauty and he graced your stiff-as-a-stick figure with his company, making alarms in your head flare at his honey scent.

You wish he could look that happy now.

The amorous twinkle in his eyes, one to make you smile for days, had fallen some time ago. No longer was his laughter in sync with yours, no longer did he caress you so softly when you fell deep into your subconscious – worried about whatever seems so trivial at this instant. His eyes focused more on his phone’s screen and his sweetly whispered confessions, just for you; a legend of the past.

Sitting across from him on the table, you watch as his figure, lost in his tiny mechanical device, smirks for the nth time. His long fingers drop the fork in his other hand, as he begins clacking at his screen, a hint of pink on the highs of his cheeks.

“Something funny?” You question, casually taking a bite of your ratatouille after

“Hm, what?” He looks up, a bit startled to see you in front of him. He completely forgot about your company, when you were just a foot away.

“Your phone,” You point at the man who seems a bit embarrassed – a bit afraid, “Want to share what’s going on”

It was a question you didn’t want a yes to.

“Nothing,” He waves his hand dismissively, “Jin’s just being an idiot”

He puts his phone face down by his plate, suddenly more interested in dinner. You watch carefully as he takes his first bite, a tiny portion of the sauce caught on his chin.

“How is it?” You question nervously

“Hmm, it’s nice” He says. Not bothering to look up, disregarding your presence yet again as he quickly tries to stuff the food down his throat

“O-oh, I’m glad”

It was his favorite dish. A night of a Disney film had made him enraptured with it, so much so that you made fun of him for tearing up at the end. The next day you had made him an exact replica of the dish, the perfectionist in you pinpointing it to an idealism only the original animator of the film could reach. And it was worth it, when his face lit up, when he exaggerated the taste through his facial expressions, when he gave you a million and one kisses that night. It was all worth it. One of your most fond memories. You came home early today and spent the whole day recreating it, taking time off from your busy schedule – leaving your job to slave in the kitchen. Even making homemade baguette, which he didn’t even touch.

Hopeful that he’d return your efforts with gratitude, with laughter…with a kiss.

You wake up out of your thoughts when his chair screeches,

“Thanks for the food,” He smiles, picking up his phone and walking away, into your shared bedroom.

You were a slow eater, you weren’t surprised he left. But you recall the days he used to stay, watching you stuff your face even after he was done with his meal. It always made you complain, and he’d just laugh, telling you how cute you were when you ate. How he couldn’t get enough of that image. Oh, how is words made you blush in those days.

“They’re beautiful,” You sigh, holding your jaw with your palm and looking into the vast distance. In front of you laid thousands of blue bonnets, neatly apprehended by the fancy garden Jimin had brought you to.

“They’re nothing compared to you,” A sweet voice comes from behind you, instantly flustering you in your frilly overdressed toes.

You blush and turn away from the voice, who just laughs at your actions. God, you loved that laugh. It was airy, filled with spring’s purity. The floral winds pick up slightly in front of the balcony and you rub your arms to fight the chill. “Oh, baby,” He coos, encasing you in his arms and placing his head on your shoulder.

“Didn’t know late April could be this chilly,” mumbling, he peppers kisses into your neck. You let your head roll back onto him and part your lips.

The sun was starting to set, and the sky exhibited pink and peach splotches. You wanted to live like this forever; watching the world pass by in his arms. He had been yours for a year now, an unbelievable, amazing, loving, long year. It was dreamlike – Jimin’s eyes, his smile, his scent, his love. Sometimes you thought you would suddenly wake up and be alone in your bed again. That this fantasy would shatter and wouldn’t leave a trace of any shards.

He feels you stiffening in his arms and moves his head off your shoulder to look at you

“What’s wrong”

“I’m just thinking again,” you sigh, not making eye contact with him

“All you need to think about is me,” He pouts making you giggle

“I am thinking about you silly”

“So, you’re thinking bad things about me?”

You gasp dramatically, “I would never”

He starts poking your sides – still tightly holding you in place with one of his arms wrapped around your waist

“Then what, huh?” He questions in a mocking tone as you struggle and laugh in his grasp, “What were you thinking about me?”

“Oh haha – Sto – hahahah Jimin!” You finally grab onto his wrist. Catching your breath, you turn your face to him,

“I was thinking about how much I love you. And how I don’t want to be alone again”

Jimin’s smile disappears as he loosens his hold on you. You take the opportunity to twirl around and look him in his captivating doll eyes, “I don’t want to sleep alone ever again. My bed’s too cold”

He cups your face and searches for something in your eyes with his brows furrowed. You wonder if he found what he was looking for, but you wouldn’t know, the expression didn’t last long before he brought his million-dollar smile back.

“You won’t, I’ll always warm it up” He responds taming your wild heart, making you lean your face into his palm and close your eyes. You feel his lips on yours and you kiss him back with twice the fervor. Your tongues dance in the sunset as he trails the back of his index and middle finger down your back. His hand rests on your hips and he parts from you.

“I’ll also have no problem warming up my baby” He gives you a cocky smirk, letting his breath fan your face. You, like clockwork, turn crimson and struggle to maintain eye contact. Jimin lets out another airy laugh which makes you pucker.

“You’re mean,” you say, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him in for a hug. Again, he sits his head on your shoulder as your bodies mold together and block the spring breezes.

In bliss you close your eyes and breathe in the honey that symbolizes Jimin. Your lips were still wet, carrying his essence and drawing you in further. If this is a dream, you will make the most you could with it. You would make the most you could with Jimin. The smile on your face threatens to rip through your cheeks – but you couldn’t care less about the pain.

Opposite from you was Jimin, staring into the abyss of blue bonnets. But he didn’t encase a smile on his features this time – no. Instead his eyes were emotionless, his face expressionless as he leisurely patted your back in comfort through your embrace. There were no flowers in his vision, no scents in his senses, no winds near his skin. All he could do was watch that sun set, turn the once unadulterated horizon dark and bleary.

Spring had left his mind long ago.

Count your blessings they say.

Jimin woke up by the smell of pancakes. With his eyes shut, he took a few sniffs of the pleasant smell wafting through the bedroom. He opened his eyes when the door banged open,

“You’re up,” You smile, holding a tray of pancakes and glasses with orange juice.

He smiles and sits up, “Good morning”

“Good morning to you,” you reply setting down the tray in front of him and taking a seat on the edge of the bed next to him. His bed hair was making half of his bangs stick upwards off his forehead making you snort.

“Aww, babe,” He gasps at the food in front of him, sleepy eyes going wide, “You shouldn’t have!”

You giggle at him being so dramatic as you pick up a fork and cut off an edge of the pancake. Bringing it up to his face, he opens his mouth comically and you laugh again as he takes ahold of your wrist and shoves the bite into his mouth. He’d been leaving for work early and coming back late for the last three months, so you took the opportunity to wake up 2 hours before he leaves, just so you could catch him in bed with breakfast.

“My turn,” He says with a mouthful. Cutting up a large bite of his own, he puts it in front of your lips, “Ahhh~”

You mimic his words and open your mouth, laughs leaving you as Jimin tries to make it all fit.

“Is it good?” You ask him after you swallowed your piece, the juice having to help you along the way resting in your palm

“Of course, everything you make is so delicious,” He smirks, licking his lips seductively. Jimin throws his head back and laughs when you blush and avert your gaze

“Six years and you haven’t changed” Laughing, he grabs another bite of the fluffy cakes with his fork and you smile.

‘You have, though’ is what you want to say staring at him cheerily munch on his breakfast, but instead you choose to swallow down your words with another gulp of your juice.

“So, I’m still your sweet little kitten?” You question with a suggestive grin on your lips

He looks up at you and squints his eyes, “You want to be a kitten?” He asks, tilting his head to the side

There’s a sudden mix of embarrassment and confusion that rushes up your spine at his completely clueless expression, making you feel disoriented. “T-that’s…you used to call me kitten in college,” You reply, like it was the most obvious thing. Like it was something special.

His face finally lights up in recognition, “You remember that? Oh, honey that was forever ago,” He continues to focus on his pancakes, slightly chuckling at you

It was stupid really. Back in the days Jimin had countless other girls he flirted with, but he never called them anything but their birth name. So, you let kitten make you feel superior because he only ever gave you a nickname. Only you. And strangely, it also gave you a sense of belonging…to him. The first time he called you that, was the day Jimin had actually asked you to become his girlfriend. It was something you never expected even in your wildest dreams, you even remember the color underwear you wore that day. He used to say it was one of his warmest memories.

However, he seemed to be forgetting quite a lot about the past…your shared past. Almost as if he didn’t…You force yourself to snap out of it, the Jimin stuffing his face once again becoming visible to you. Shame fills you for thinking such terrible things about your husband. You weren’t an actual pet, you shouldn’t feel even slightly offended at his passive remark. There was something wrong with you…you needed to live in the now, with the Jimin that seemed so content in the moment. Forget the past already, you scold yourself, you left it behind for a reason.

It had been awhile but you were glad he was so happy. That you were making him so happy.

“Jimin,” You say delicately at the man putting on his dress shirt

“Hmm?” He turns around, making you nervous at the eye contact

“I’m going to be home early tonight; do you want to go out for dinner by the river?”

“Sorry,” He smiles, “I’m working late tonight”

“Oh” you say, not meaning to look so obviously dejected

“I’m sorry babe,” He comes towards you who’s standing by the bedside, your shoulders slumped in disappointment. Giving you a hug, he tells you about this stupid assignment his boss put him and his team on, how he’d rather spend time with you. That’s all it takes for you to melt into him and forget all about your discontentment. It’s been weeks since he last touched you, even gave you a moment in time to provide you with an explanation for his absence. You missed his warmth so much.

“It’s alright, I’ll finish up some overtime,” You tell him as he goes back to dressing himself up, tightening his silver Rolex on his wrist. You wonder if he heard you since he didn’t respond and left the room without a word.

Evening rolled around rather quickly that day, the sun rapidly making its way underneath the horizon. You were finishing up some last-minute touches on your report. Originally, it’d take someone 3 hours to finish this, but you finished it in half an hour. Sighing, you conclude you should just head home. Your couch was way more comfortable than this office chair, so might as well just wait for Jimin to get home again. He had told you not to disturb him at his work place unless you had a good reason to, and sadly you were out of excuses to go see him. Even if he was late, maybe tonight you both could catch up that show he loved or maybe he’d in the mood for something more intimate? It had been a while after all. Smiling to yourself you get up and make your way to your secretary.

“I’m done for the day Yura, you can go home if you’d like”

“Oh, thank you ma’am” She says smiling at you as you grab your coat. “Ma’am, did you get a chance to look at the new hires information I left on your desk”

“I didn’t yet, this board meeting is taking up most of my mind, I’ll take a look tomorrow” You reply, walking toward the glass doors leading to the elevators.

“Ma’am!” Your secretary of two years shouts when you’re about to open the door. She appears hesitant as you eye her with a questioning look, staring at the ground with furrowed brows. Shuffling on her feet, she tightens her closed fist making you concerned. There seemed to be something weighing her down.

She was a kind and bright girl, ready to do whatever you said. Sometimes you conjectured if she knew you a bit too well; as she would knock with coffee in her hand even before you had asked, or immediately made phone calls on your behalf the days the stress became too much for you. When she first joined your company, there was something about her eyes that reminded you of your childhood days. It made you secretly dote on her and promote her from her dull cubicle. Though, you weren’t the best at social cues. Each time you had a conversation with her, it would be directed back to work, even if you just wanted to have a casual lunch with her. You hated having social anxiety to the point of being afraid of your own secretary. Because of that, you never really knew anything about her, or any of the people you ever worked with. Other than a few names and birthdays. Just like high school, you had no one to call a friend.

Jimin, on the other hand, was the popular coworker. He had his colleagues wrapped around his fingers, they would be at his beck and call even on the weekends. It was magical really, it wasn’t like Jimin was anyone’s boss – more of a group leader and that somehow made him even more popular. Envy would overcome you, watching Jimin easily converse with someone he’d just met like he knew them for years. Both of Jimin and of the person who has your husband’s attention. That’s just how it was with Jimin, he knew what to say and when to say it. Not like you.

Even now, when you’re genuinely worried about the mysterious young woman, you don’t know how to correctly state your concern,

“Is everything alright, Yura?”

Seemingly snapping out of her thoughts, she gives you a wide-eyed glance,

“Umm…Yes! Everything’s fine. Umm…Please take an umbrella, it’s supposed to rain tonight…” She says before you watch her scurry off back to her desk

Thanks to Yura, you now had an excuse to see Jimin. Parking into the back lot of Jimin’s work place you grab the pizza you bought him and his team from his favorite restaurant, as well as an umbrella. You wanted to scold him because you always warned him to be careful and stay prepared, but instead he’d joke about how much of an organized worrywart you were. What if he were to get sick in the rain? His boss would kill him judging by how relentlessly he makes Jimin work. Taking a glimpse at the thundering sky, you rush inside the warm building to take the lift.

Broken.

Sighing you walk toward the stairs. Jimin’s office was on the 15th floor. Holding onto his pizza tight, you haste along the stairs, eagerly waiting to see his face. He’s probably so tired and knowing him he probably hasn’t eaten yet. You wonder if he’s even hydrated, you knew how hard Jimin could be on himself. Six years of marriage made you watch an insecure young man develop into a hard-working adult, who pushes his limits far too much for your liking. As you passed every floor, you could feel your knees become weak and a hint of sweat build along your forehead as your arms felt mildly sore from the edges of the pizza box. Breathing hard with each step, you worriedly hoped your make up was okay. You had redone your face in the bathroom of your building, wanting to please Jimin with your looks. Finally, you made it to the 15th floor, and walked into the hallway, trudging towards Jimin’s office on your tired feet.

Maybe you should’ve went home. Spend another cold night eating ramen in your kitchen. Watched the rain pour down in your empty apartment. Maybe you should’ve made something yourself, taken protection behind cooking like you did when life got lonely. Stayed up waiting for him in the afterhours again. Then maybe, just maybe your relationship wouldn’t have taken such a drastic turn. Maybe you could’ve stayed ignorantly blissful, with your gratified marriage of six years. Content with the fact that no matter how late, Jimin still managed to come home to you. You could’ve have continued to wordlessly live with that.

Whatever you could have done, you shouldn’t have come.

When you notice how silent it is on his floor, slight confusion fills you. Wasn’t his team supposed to be here working on an assignment? It felt like everyone had gone home already. As you reach his door, you freeze. The lights inside his office are so dim, they’re almost out. Has he gone home by now? You’re about to turn away when you hear a muffled noise from inside the room. Relief washes over you to know he’s still here, and you nudge the door open with your right arm.

You shouldn’t have come.

As soon as the door opens, the muffled voices are no longer stifled. Instead they come washing over you one after the other like the outside thunder…the moans that is.

You suck in a breath as you hear the all too familiar grunts and groans of your husband, and a feminine voice calling out to him

“Ji-Jimin – ah – Sir” the voice whines as a slapping sound become apparent in the air. They were easy to spot. Hiding behind a large plant next to his desk, you identify your husband holding someone against the large pillar in his room. Her body completely molded into his, and her long legs wrapped around his torso – tightly holding him close. Even through the leaves of the large plant, you could see his bulging muscles straining as he held onto her petite figure. You recognized her long blonde hair, it was the secretary he hired three months ago – the really sweet one who always gave you a bright smiled. Tina. It was such a strange feeling; standing there, watching your husband fuck into someone else up against the wall. You felt like an intruder.

The blinds of his window were shut, which almost makes you scoff out loud. But you tremble instead, looking down at the pizza in your arms. Amid your shaking, you hear the sound of tongues smacking together. When you look back up, you see him kiss her passionately, as she moans into his mouth. “Kitten,” You hear him growl. That’s when you had enough. Quickly you move away from the door as it wordlessly shut in front of you. The scene before you had gone from your eyes but was ingrained in your mind. It’s as if them having sex was seared inside your pupils. It takes you a moment to gather yourself, and before you know it, you’re sprinting into the stair case. The adrenaline making your flight downstairs easy as you carry the pizza box and umbrella out of the building.

It’s raining.

You navigate through the heavy rain to find your car, which was abruptly more difficult in the sudden darkness. When you reached your car, you barge in clumsily, throwing all the items in your hands onto the passenger side. After you slam the door shut; as the noise of the outside, wet world becomes lull, you realize how soaked you were. You watch the many raindrops litter your windshield, pouring like a drain reflecting your heart. Quietly you put your forehead on the steering wheel and try to block out the heavy beating of the rain and your heart.

You knew.

It was obvious wasn’t it. You knew he wasn’t really working overtime for the past two months. You knew he couldn’t possibly be texting Jin that much. You knew every time he averted his eyes, he was hiding something. Knew it was only a matter of time again.

He was clever, subtler than before; practically straining on the tip of his feet. He would shower before coming home, you could always smell the shampoo on his blow-dried hair. Instead of just staying too late, he now took business trips for a day or two, telling you in the sweetest voice he’d be home soon. He bought a second phone – in secret obviously – you would have never found out had it not been for the forgetful habit he had since college of leaving items in his coat pockets. You fell upon it while doing the laundry six days ago and a part of you wonders if he left it there on purpose. You were too scared to speak up about it.

You knew didn’t you.

So how can something you feel so mentally prepared for hurt so bad? Why are you shaking so hard that you have to hold yourself together with both of your arms – wrap them around yourself like a shield. Why are you crying – your tears in rhythm with the heavens above? Every time you close your eyes, you see the corrupt image of your husband and his lover, melting their sinful desires into one. Why is it killing you to know the truth? Were you grasping on to the smallest thread – the smallest hope that Park Jimin wouldn’t hurt you; that he wouldn’t leave you when your own mother left you? How foolish.

You realize the heavy truth of Jimin’s past affairs. Conjuring a vague idea of what and who he might be doing things to – that he should only be doing with you - and visually experiencing the reality your husband pounding into another woman is beyond nauseating. You felt so dirty by what you saw, so disgusted in your own body. Angry beyond despair, you wanted to tear off your skin. This woman you embodied, not worth loving by her own man, was worth nothing. The pandora box had opened.

“Mm – ah” you choke through your tears as the pain in your chest travels through your body like fatal poison, twisting around in your gut like a blade. All your hidden insecurities swim towards the surface, drowning you in your sorrow. Why would it be different this time? Why would someone love you? You recall your mother telling you something discreetly similar on your wedding day. That woman, that wise, wise woman – haunted by her own past. She was right.

Of course, this would happen, just look at you. What’s special about you? Tina walks with her head high, speaks with passion, is young and full of life. You’re practically a hag by now. He looked more satisfied in that moment then he’s ever looked at you, even at your best. Your cries become broken, your voice failing you every few seconds. Someone as bright as Park Jimin could never love someone as dim as you. He called her kitten, she’s his sweet kitten now.

You’re glad your illusion’s shattered. The moments you’ve doubted every happy second in your life, was a prediction of the future – this future. Nights you’ve laid awake while Jimin was snoring next to you, contemplating the sincerity of his actions, if he’ll really ever be content to be with you. All your questions are answered. And you feel like laughing at yourself really. Did you really believe someone as unworthy as you deserved happiness?

Hours pass by before you become too numb to feel the ache. Looking at the rain clouds, you marvel if the universe is trying to share your pain. It’s eerily familiar, this scene. Just like 3 years ago with Mina. You smile bitterly, how awful that you could never escape this fate no matter where you run off to. Even though you shouldn’t, you glance at Jimin’s office window. Still shut tightly and hidden away from you. You wonder if they’re still going at it…if your husband is still making love with her as passionately as he did with you on your first night. Fresh tears prick the corners of your eyes and you use that as a signal to clean your puffy eyes and drive home through the storm.

Jimin comes home around 2 in the morning. It was dark when he enters the house and he wonders if you’ve actually gone to sleep this time. It’s a good thing, at least he wouldn’t have to deal with you tonight. Whistling silently, he puts his keys on the counter, coordinating through the shadows by memory. It was raining so hard, he was worried about getting home. Thankfully Tina lent him an umbrella. As he’s taking off his coat, a strong burst of lightning startles him and he notices your silhouette sitting by a sofa chair near the window.

“You’re up?” He asks, confused as to why you’re sitting there in the dark, facing away from his view. You don’t say anything as you let thunder answer for you. Jimin sighs, “Babe, I told you not to stay up for me, haven’t I?”

When you don’t answer again, he walks over to the light switch and turns it on, squinting a bit at the now bright living room. That’s when he regards the boxes on the table.

“You bought pizza?” He asks, walking up to the dining room table, “…It’s soaked”

He looks at your motionless figure, perplexed by your silence.

“Baby…is everything okay?”

Jimin stays noiseless. Why’re you acting so strange he thinks, unnerved by your certain sullenness. He knows that generally, you aren’t very talkative, you aren’t bold or assertive, but after six years of marriage he can tell you always say what needs to be said. You’re honest and empathetic towards people, which is why they gravitate to you so easily. It’s why he married you. Today is the first day in years he can’t figure you out.

“…I…bought pizza on my way home,” You speak up slowly, your hoarse voice making you wince and cough, “But the rain caught me by surprise”

“It’s ruined,” Jimin states, as a matter of fact, picking up the edge of the soggy pizza box with his finger

“It’s ruined,” You answer back

In the reticence of the large room, Jimin captures an umbrella next to the boxes on the table. He’s even more confused now as to why you didn’t use the object, seeing as how wet it was, leading him to believe you had it on you. Of course, you would have one on you, little miss perfectionist. Almost everything you did was smart and logical, he could never catch up to you who could never make a mistake. So then, why didn’t you use the umbrella, he speculates.

His thoughts are interrupted by your voice sounding directly behind him.

“I bought it for you”

He turns to look at you; a bit wide-eyed and startled. He takes in your wet form, from the water slowly dripping out of the ends of your hair to the drenched coat you hadn’t removed off your body – even though you were shivering. The hair on his arms raise in alert as he takes a step back from your sad state,

“I bought it for you…” You say silently, not an emotion on your face

“…Are you sad that it’s ruined for me?” He says walking toward you

“…Yes”

“Oh Hon,” He hugs you and you harden at impact. You want to push him away and yell at him, tell him that it’s all worthless. Instead you stand there, tearing up in his arms, drenching his shirt with your tresses. You wanted to be loved by him so bad. You needed Jimin more than you needed to breathe and you would do whatever it takes to make him love you. Even if that means that he’ll have someone else in his life, even if you might be discarded tomorrow – as long as he comes home to you, you’ll continue to love Jimin. That moment, as he holds you to him while patting your hair, you let tears fall onto his shoulder feeling completely abandoned.

“I already ate, it’s alright”

Jimin had made you feel foolishly special.

“You’re so cute” Jimin laughs, holding your face in his palms as your puffy red face pouts and your tiny hands push away at his shoulder

“I-I’m telling you, I don’t know” You huff, prying at his strong hands.

“Well then, I’ll tell you the answer, but only if you ask nicely” He breathes into your face and you freeze from his proximity. He was always like this. So flirtatious, it made your knees buckle, so touchy, it made flames burn inside you for hours. You tell yourself he was only joking, to not mistaken his friendly nature as something distinct just for you. It made your heart throb, watching him giggle with other girls this way, whispering in their ear’s words meant only for them. It was how you knew you’d never mean anything to him, not like he meant to you.

You weren’t dating, although a few people who didn’t know you existed a few months ago came up to you and asked often. It hurt you in a way, the confusion in their faces as they studied you for a second. As if you knew why Jimin was so attached to you; why he came looking for you after each one of his classes, why he ran up to you every time he saw you in the hallway, or why he was so insistent on making time for you two to hang out despite his legions of pals to keep him company instead. The presentation with him was long from over, you had gotten an A, as usual. Yet he still continued to connect with you, leaving you muddled. You both became friendly rather quickly, and you fell in love even faster. It wasn’t like Jimin had any competition.

It also hurt to answer them with your memorized reply,

“We aren’t together. He is just…a friend”

You wished you could keep Jimin all to yourself, but you recognized that was such a selfish and irresponsible way of thinking.

It was quite despicable how smitten you were for him, swooning at the smallest wave of his hand. You wonder if he noticed, but actually, you’re certain he did. The way he’d smile at you every time you gave him the exact reaction he wanted. You wouldn’t know it, but he craved your responses. Having someone become so vulnerable with just a twitch of his eye was in a word – addictive. He loved having you so weak, so pliable…and he was the molder. He was a god to you, and he could never have enough of your hypnotized gaze.

“Please” You whisper in tiny tone which had him breaking out of his thoughts. Being pinned to a wall in your dorm room on a Friday night wasn’t what you had planned when Jimin offered to drop you off today, but here you were. Jimin had somehow managed to sneak into your doorway, weaseling his self onto your bed and asking you tons of weird questions.

“Alright baby,” You clench your eyes shut as he breathes into your ear, “If you were to be an animal – any animal – you’d be my own sweet little kitten” He purrs for an extra effect as you have to force your mouth shut before a moan slips out

“Jimin,” You mumble, practically falling onto his embrace; questioning why he did this stuff to you, as he pets your head gently. Nonetheless you’d have to remember, he was like this with everyone, you weren’t special to him. It made your gut clench with unspoken desire, but it was the truth. You were just a reactive pet to him, nothing more.

“There, there, my cute, sweet, tiny little kitten”

For the past 2 weeks, you’d been avoiding Jimin as much as you could. Not that you wanted to, but what you felt you had to. Your body was screaming at you – screeching through your ears to find Jimin – find his warmth, his love. But it was futile. It was as if he was your only source of vitality; a forbidden fruit you shouldn’t touch.

In return, you were a ghost with a physical body. You became demurer – more passive, almost like were waiting to completely disappear. Anything Jimin asked would be answered with a one- or two-word reply, you stopped hugging and kissing him all together, going as far as to avoid touches he’d initiate. Touches you used to crave more than air. Working was out of the question; your energy was depleted and even simple tasks like washing your hands was problematic. There were large bags under your eyes and the bones of your cheeks begun to stick out because you weren’t eating. You weren’t sleeping either, insomnia had taken control of your nights and you’d lay there listening to yourself berate you for driving Jimin away. Sometimes you’d take sleeping pills…sometimes you wish you could take them all.

You wonder if Jimin noticed. There were times when he was leaving for work or ‘hanging out with Jin’ that you catch a glimpse of his eyes, a ring of remorse surrounding his irises. Even so, he never acted upon it. He tries to make small talk at dinner these days, as an attempt to pacify you supposedly. Since that night he saw you drenched, he stares at your sunken face for a bit too long, when he thinks you aren’t paying attention. If you were in any other circumstance, you would have laughed at his effort. The reality though, is that you were losing a grip on life, wanting to fade away…you weren’t sure why Jimin stayed. You don’t know why he bothered, by now he knows he could do anything he wanted and would get away with it. Because you love him too much, because he’s all you have.

You took a month off from work. Your boss was stunned, her best employee who didn’t even take sick days suddenly taking a whole month? But she didn’t question it, she knew how hard of a worker you were and if you were doing this then there must be an important reason. She would even go as far as saying you were the most valuable employee; always on time, always going above and beyond, it’s why she made you a manager when you were just 5 months into your job. Work was a constant priority for you, you didn’t want to give it up either. It was a large cause in you and Jimin growing apart, in your opinion. Taking all those extra shifts and staying late made you near perfect at what you did. And you loved it – took pride in your job. But if your boss told you no, you were ready to quit, even having a resignation letter already typed up. Thankfully she had a soft spot for you.

No one was more shocked than Jimin however. He questioned you about it over and over. It seemed like you were a Rubik’s cube he was trying to solve. None of his prying methods worked, and it took him three days…three days to give up pestering you. Ask if you were doing okay. You thought you were worth more to him than that.

But recent events reminded you that you meant nothing to him. Nothing.

Waking up in the mornings was one of the hardest things you had to do. Jimin had already left for work and the house felt as empty as usual. You didn’t want to get up, you had no reason to. Any vigor you had last week felt spent; dissipating into thin air with such insignificance.

Now that you weren’t busy with some form of work for the first time in seven or eight years, you took note of how small your world was. All you would do is go to work or come home and wait for Jimin. You really didn’t have any friends, there wasn’t anyone you could talk to, opting to staying in bed and staring off into space. Into a parallel universe where you weren’t so pathetic, and your husband didn’t hate your guts.

Again, you wake up in the middle of the night. For the past few days you’ve been having the same nightmare. Jimin’s stone cold face turning away from you who’d on the ground in a black void. You call out to him at the top of your lungs – stretching your hand as far as it could go – but it’s no use, he’s walking away from you and up to someone faceless woman…maybe Tina. When you wake up, you’re drenched in sweat and tears, and there’s an ache inside your heart. The same one when you caught Jimin with his professor, with his best friend…with his secretary. And suddenly you’re replaying that horrid scene.

You’re in that dim room again, the dry leaves of that plant are still cutting through your view. Your husband is moaning as he thrusts into Tina’s tight pussy. She’s chanting his name over and over and you start crying at your own imagination. A strumming makes way through your body as you place a hand over your mouth to keep your voice quiet, so you don’t disturb Jimin. You’ll never be as good as her, your brain screams. Even if you can keep him during the day, you’ll never be able to satisfy him at night. Look at you, he didn’t even try to touch you tonight. He doesn’t want you. Tina’s tall and slender, beautiful curves and a gentle demeanor. You’re stale and old. Why have you when he can have the pretty new thing? He’s probably thinking of her the whole time he spends with you.

This night you peeked at Jimin’s sleeping figure. His back slowly tenses as he breathes in and out. You didn’t want to wake him, you really didn’t, but you needed his love so bad right now. Maybe it was the pills you took encouraging you to wrap your arms around his waist.

Maybe it was the darkness of the bedroom making you lean into him, push your face up against his back.

He stirs in his sleep and you feel your heart beating faster.

“Jimin” You whisper, feeling up on his body to placate your heart. To tell it that he’s right here, in your arms. He hasn’t gone away. “Jimin”

“Mm…not tonight,” Jimin says in a groggy voice, removing your arms from his torso, “I’m tired,” You sense slight irritation in his tone and move away from him. If he took a second to turn around, he would have seen the absolute devastation on your face.

He didn’t even try to see if you were okay, he just… fell back asleep without a word. You didn’t want sex…when have you ever wanted sex?! All you wanted him to do was to hold you and console you. Pacify you to sleep, like he used to when you first told him about your mom…or when you had a bad day at work. You didn’t want sex…you just wanted your husband, your most trusted friend, your first love.

You were right. You could never satisfy Jimin…so he didn’t even try to find it from you. He went to someone he knew could give it to him. Turning away from him you muffle your tears into your pillow.

In that cold bedroom, too lonely for your state of mind, too small to fit your insecurities, too fragile to hold you together, you realize the adult human heart is capable of shattering twice in one week.

You felt everything at once. The darkness of the silent chamber, the cold air contrast to his warm skin, the shivers in your spine from his fleeting touches. You took it all in. The sweat dripping through the rails of his skin, the mountains in his muscles, the flavor of his sultry voice. It was the formation of a galaxy, tearing you apart and putting you together.

The kisses he trails along your chest – his plush lips lax against the bumps on your skin leaving their marks of fire with sugar like attention. It left you in a moaning, quivering chaos. Your fingers ache to touch him, to rest themselves amongst his silky strands, shaking ever so softly. Yet your arms lay immobile on your sides.

Satisfied with tasting you he moves up using his muscled arms – he’s so gentle in handling you, like you were fragile glass. You look him in his scarlet eyes – violet spots tainting your vision.

His smile sinks as he takes in your face, angling his head and cupping your cheek.

“Why are you crying?” He asks

You didn’t take notice, letting out a tiny wheeze at his baritone. You had felt the tears, riding the curve of your cheekbones, settling onto the pillow beside your head – but you payed it no mind. More concerned with the glimmer of the angel perched above you. Even then, you bring up your nimble fingers to stroke them in amazement, as if you don’t see the culprit right before you. When your fingers crash into his hand, you take ahold of it, bringing to you lips to worship the man pining you into the bed.

“I…I love you” You choke out, drenched in the anxiety of your brain’s venom – persistently pulling you back to a somber reality. “I’m scared”

His eyes begin to match the room’s shade, his fist clench the sheets. A sensation lit deep within you, a realization of your angel’s call.

“Don’t worry baby, I’ll be gentle. I’ll make you feel so good, don’t worry”

He bends over to you, molding your lips together. You take him in without a complaint, your tongues dance around – the etiquette of personal space banished into the light. You gasp in his mouth as he slides into you, holding onto his arm with your small palm.

He lets out a groan once he’s completely seethed in your nectar. His face scrunches, eyebrows pushed together and eyes clenched as you arch your back at his intrusion; your face but a mere reflection. So slow, does he take himself back out with the expulsion of a breath, leaving in only the head as you whine in complaint and clench around him.

But he shushes you back up with his tongue, pushing into you once again afterward. His pace is steady; comforting like a serenade to the spring flowers. You try to control your breathing, but it’s useless as he moves inside you, hugging your frame with his large arms.

“You’re such a good kitten – fuck – better than anyone”

The silk sheets move under your body like tidal waves, while Jimin embodies the moon. A perfect balance of power, you’ve never felt so right until this – until the wetness between your thighs no longer embarrasses you. Instead you welcome it, twisting your own leg with one of Jimin’s so he could get deeper within you, light his fire beneath your soul.

“Mm– ahhh, baby you feel so good, so perfect,” He sighs in your ear, trying to keep control of his movements. He doesn’t want to break you, he could never imagine being rough with you like he has been with countless nameless girls.

But he can’t help making his pace a bit faster when you whimper into the air – your speech like honey – pushing his repressed aggression forward.

“Jimin…Ah Jimin…. Jimin…I-…”

“Shhh…” he shushes your desperate call, rubbing your head with his hand.

“Mm- I’m cumming” You cry out in a tiny voice, so helpless and frightened it makes his heart ache. Your ears were ringing, and your womanhood was already sensitive from Jimin’s hour long ministrations; you were going to explode any second.

“Come baby, it’s all right, come for me my good girl” He arcs his hand until his fingers are in contact with your bud, painting loops on your most delicate area. You can no longer stop the sobs from spilling out of your mouth.

It was just that small push in his tone that undid the knot chained inside you as you hold onto his back with your nails digging into his holy skin. Words of affection fell from your lips, jaw lax at his girth.

A couple more thrusts and whines from you has him over the edge, spilling into you with his head thrown back, mouth ajar from your tightness.

When he finally remembers how to breathe again, he collapses off you, and pulls you into his chest.

It feels as if he ran a marathon as his heavy breaths catch up to him one after the other. When has he ever cum this hard with anyone else, and that too with nothing but pure vanilla? Glancing at your figure, he finds you on the verge of fainting, clutching onto him as if your life depended on it. He smiles, moving the hair sticking to you away from your face.

“Jimin,” You mumble, half of your conscious already in dreamland

“Hmm?” He asks, intrigued by your exhausted state. You’re usually so proper, so level headed, it’s always amusing to see you become like this all because of him. You’re his amusing kitten.

“I love you”

You fell asleep before you heard his answer.

It was a night like any other. You were waiting for Jimin to come home so you could take your sleeping pills and waste away to another morning. He hadn’t come home yet, and the clock was striking 1:30 AM. The cruel part of your mind was out in full force today, repeating every time he told you he loved you, just to be with someone else. Curling into a fetal position and shutting your eyes tight, you try to drown out the sound of you yelling at yourself.

Instead your mind decides to take you there again, in that place where this all started. The dim room, the closed blinds. Your husband and his lover. This time though, you’re on the other side of that pillar. There’s no plant blocking your view, no door to escape out of; just you, your husband and the girl he’s fucking against the pillar.

You stand there, frozen at the obscene image. It felt so real, so close you could almost touch it.

“S-sir” She moans in delight, Jimin hitting a particular spot that has her mewling. Is this how it’s like every night…on those business trips? This is who your husband is when he’s not around your presence. So lively and full of passion.

Suddenly, they both look at you, who’s trembling in tears that fell without your knowledge. They glare into your eyes, Jimin still thrusting into her, as she moans out your husband’s name. Then they laugh. Your eyes widen, and you take a step back, away from their menacing stare. Loud, sinister laughs echo off the walls of the compact office, you put your hands above your ears but it’s no use. Mina and Jessica stand before you, both with equally menacing expressions and they’re all laughing. You’re falling into an endless void of Jimin’s words, his laughter screeching inside your eardrums, yelling out a band of hidden insecurities.

“You’re nothing”

“– Worthless”

“You don’t even have a friend”

“Who would love you”

“– So boring I want to take my eyes out”

“She doesn’t act dead in bed”

“I only married you because I pitied you”

“No!” You sit up with a blood curling scream. A dream you pant…just a dream. You clutch at your heart as sobs escape your throat. Taking a peek at the clock reveals it’s 2:45 AM. Shaking in your bed, you move about and whisper to yourself. It was just a dream, wasn’t it? Trying to calm down, you hush yourself until all you could hear was the subtle whirr of the air conditioning.

“Jimin?” You call out, wondering if he’s out there in the far darkness

No answer. Why wasn’t he home yet? Even in his careless cheating days he always came home by 2, so where the hell was he today?

Getting up from the bed, you shiver slightly in your sleeveless nightgown. You walk into the living room and turn on the light as you eye it inside and out, trying to find signs of another body. Picking up your cellphone, you click his contact on speed dial. Tsk, voice mail, what did you expect. You throw your phone across the room as sadness fills your bones and you pull on your hair in frustration.

You can’t be in here. Everything reminds you of Jimin. The couch you both cuddled on for movie marathons, the kitchen you spent hours in preparing food to make him smile, the foyer you danced waltz to every night in the first month of your move. You felt sick – suffocated in the reminder of Jimin’s absence.

Grabbing your coat, you leave your apartment to find the elevator. The top floor had a terrace like rooftop practically made for late night loners. As the elevator doors ding open, you walk onto the cold pavement of the dark flat roof. You walk up to the edge of the building, blocked by a wide cement wall reaching up to your waist. You observe the loud city, the bustling cars, the honking and yelling, police sirens in the distance. It was so far away, yet everything felt so adjacent. Carefully you nudge your leg over the wall, one after the other. Then you take a moment and sit down on the space, legs dangling over the ledge. Beneath your feet was stunning scenery that could turn into a nightmare with just the slightest wrong move.

In that moment you don’t care though, softly kicking your feet up and down. For a few short moments, everything felt like it was alright. You forgot how horrid your life really is. A mother who discarded your presence, a father who left without a goodbye, no friend in sight, so much work made for a fruitless cause, and a husband who never loved you. It was when you were so caught up in a day dream so tragic; that falling off hundreds of feet seemed so rewarding. Why were you so worthless? Why were you nothing? A dangerous view settles inside your head. If you were to jump this instance, would Jimin be sad? Would he ever let out as many tears as you shed?

Would he hold you for the last time and tell you that he loved you all along?

“Please don’t do somethin’ rash”

Comes a voice behind you in the shadows, startling you out of your daze. Your wide eyes turn to look at the perpetrator of the worried tone. There, a few feet away from you on the roof stands a middle-aged man with the bud of a cigarette on the corner of his lips. His brows are furrowed in concentration and his stance is defensive, ready to hold onto you lest you took a leap into the light below.

“I-I wasn’t going to,” You stutter. It was true, you weren’t. Maybe you pondered on the subject a tad, but you really weren’t. Not tonight.

“Oh, thank god,” he physically deflates, running a hand through his wavy black hair. “Sorry, you just seemed to be swimmin’ in sadness, my mistake”

Reaching into his trousers’ pocket, he reveals a green Bic lighter

“You mind?” He directs at you.

You shake your head, a bit hesitant to speak to a complete stranger – stiffening up when he come close to your ledge – standing right next to you. He was around Jimin’s height, cat-like features prominent on his pale moon skin.

“My name’s Yoongi” He reaches his hand out towards you. It takes you a moment, staring at his hand and then his face, until you’re shaking his hand and giving him your name.

“That’s a pretty name,” He smiles, puffing out a gust out smoke, “So, what’s a young lady like you doing out here all alone?”

At another moment of your life, maybe you would have ignored his question. Maybe you would have lied. However, this time – you don’t recall what it was that caused you to tear up, to let a silent sob escape your lips. To tell this man you don’t know about your problems,

“My…husband,” You sniffle slightly, inaudibly whispering the second word as if it was a curse

“Hmm?” He questions, not quite catching what you said which make you clear your throat

“My husband,” you start again, “He’s not home yet”

There’s a part of you that hopes he understands without you having to say anything else, and another part that screams at you for being so brazen – so careless.

It seems like he understood though as you hear him murmur a small, seemingly sympathetic scoff

“I see…I wouldn’t have thought a guy like him would do that…he looks so bright and honest” He pauses to take a whiff of his cigarette before he continues “Guess you can’t judge a book by its cover”

“You know of him?” You ask cautiously

“I know of you both! I live on the floor above ya’ll and he’s greeted me in the lobby a few times. And you’re the busy little lady that comes back from work around the same time I leave for it! I pass you on the elevator all the time.”

You rack your brain trying to think of the times you saw him, if you’ve ever seen him. Nothing really comes to mind unsurprisingly, you’re not really a people’s person. Instead you opt to pull your beige coat tighter around you, due to the early morning chill making its way up your bare legs into your spine

He glances at you in deep thought and chuckles, “Don’t think too hard, I don’t really have the most memorable face”

His easy-going nature made you smile. You were glad he was pleasant instead of a creep.

“What kind of work do you do?” You find yourself asking him

Reaching into his coat’s pocket he brings out a compact white business card and hands it to you. You carefully examine the card with the help of the city’s lights while he speaks up

“I run a night club near downtown. Cypher road, ever heard of it?”

You shake your head at him

“Actually, I’ve seen your husband there a few times”

At the mention of Jimin, your eyes widen. You looked like a kicked puppy and he quickly scrambles to fix his statement-

“Don’t worry! He was only there a few times with his male buddies, nothin’ bad I swear! They ain’t do nothin’ but drink and act like fools”

You giggle at him as he waves his hands in the air in desperation. Seeing that you’ve calmed yourself through his antics makes him giggle as well. He puts out his cigarette on the ledge’s concrete, breathing out the last puff before speaking,

“I was married once too ya’know”

“Once?” You question

“He died… stage 4 pancreatic cancer” He replies monotonal, a distant gaze in his eyes

“Oh…I’m sorry”

“It’s fine, shit happens” He gives you a grin which makes your heart churn, “But the thing about him – about marriage that I’ve learned is the happy moments stand out no matter how bitter the reality actually was.”

He flicks the burned-out cigarette forward with his thumb and index finger. It falls away into the abyss underneath.

“Even 5 years later, I still remember him laughin at a dumb joke I made or not lettin my hand goes during horror movies. Ya’know the sweet stuff. I’m rarely reminded of the difficulties we went through because of his disease – how much it hurt when he shut everyone…when he shut me out”

He closes his eyelids and you wipe tears lingering in your own. It was strange how him sharing his pain made you feel a bit better about your own.

“What I’m tryin to say is, the torture I went through the first year after his death, I survived that. Agonizing thoughts of him not bein with me, not holdin him to sleep changed into me appreciatin the time we had together. And I had to do that alone – without him, even if there was a period where I felt that I couldn’t live a second if he was gone. Time moves forward and it heals all.”

“No pain lasts forever”

You silently listen to him and reflect about your own marriage. One day…would you be able to forgive Jimin…survive without him? Would he be able to survive without you?

“…All I’m sayin is that you deserve better”

Deserve better? You? You’ve never thought of it like that. Wasn’t it Jimin who deserved better? That’s what you always clinched. From the first time he cheated on you, to now. And no one ever told you any different…until this moment. In these past six years, or even since you were a child, did you ever think about just yourself? About how you felt? Did Jimin?

“You should come there too someday, it’s a real nice place, Cypher Road. A bit loud but overall nice” Yoongi interrupts your thoughts, pointing at his card with his silver ring encrusted pinky finger

Taking a breath, you look at the card and then to the city buildings. How long have you lived in this city without evening going to a park let alone a nightclub? Crowds and noise weren’t really your thing, you’d rather spend a Saturday night curled up with Jimin on your sofa listening to Dean Martin records. Though, you look back at the card in your hand, it’s not like that’ll happen again anytime soon. Jimin had always been everything you wanted, but for a second as you sit there, you feel as if you’ve missed out on so much. Guilt follows you soon after for feeling that way.

Would Jimin like it if you went there? If you…were to be that person…someone who was more outgoing, curt or sexy. If you wore revealing clothes or painted your nails every week. Would Jimin like you then? Would he make love to you again?

It was absurd to even think about…but just maybe? Desperation reeked out of your heart like toxic gas – your insides twisting as you hold on to the card tighter. You felt so pathetic

Your shocked out of your trance by a hand lightly touching your shoulder,

“Don’t fret too much, it’s all good,” Yoongi gives you a friendly smile, “Come only if you want to, I ain’t forcing you”

You watch him leave back into the building and you turn to the bright metropolis in front of you again. What are you thinking? You laugh at yourself, at your imprudent behavior. Why would dressing differently make Jimin like you? You’d still be boring old you, it’s not like getting great grades in school made your mom love you or your dad come back.

The problem is just you, just this bad fortune you were cursed with. No one would ever love you.

Deciding to call it a night, you hop onto the rooftop’s pavement and make your way towards the elevators again. Before entering, you take one last look at the beautiful metropolis; the ambience you’ve never got to enjoy. Bright light and endless chatter, a strangely serene completing puzzle piece to the large earth. You take a glance at the starless night sky and the vanishing moon, before entering into the warm building.

When you open the door to your apartment, you’re met with the astonished eyes of Park Jimin. He has both his and your phone in his hands, holding them up as if he was inspecting them. Subtly, you slip the card into your coat pocket, before hanging it by the rack next to the doorway

You awkwardly stand there for a moment before he asks you,

“Where were you? I tried calling you and I found this behind the dining table” He points your phone at you, his voice sounding worried

You recall how you had thrown your phone into a wall out of anger and haste, which makes you sigh as you close the door and walk up to Jimin.

“I was taking a breath of fresh air…on the rooftop”

“At this time of night?” He gives you an indescribable stare

Anger swells up in your chest at his tone, and before you could help it you’re bitterly mumbling out an answer

“It’s not like you were god knows where at this time of night”

You could tell you’re both shocked by your reply – or more so the annoyance in your words. Jimin stands there a bit, trying to read your expression. Why was that so hard for him these days?

“Sorry babe…I fell asleep…in the office” He tries reaching out to you, but you take a step back to avoid him.

Just like a while ago, you feel nauseous. It was amazing really…how easily he lied to you as if it was nothing. As if you couldn’t smell the perfume on his clothes. You feel tears crawl up your eye sockets but you breathe in and try to keep your emotion at bay,

“It’s fine, let’s just get to sleep” you say, passing him by before he could say another word. You miss the gloomy gaze in Jimin’s pupils, staring longingly at the outline of your back.

The door thumps open with a sudden gust of wind. Your eyes fly to the two bodies sticking together in the entrance.

“Oh. Thank god, Mina! I was so worried,” Running up to them, you promptly place your hand on Jimin’s chest, who’s giggling and limping hanging onto said woman’s shoulder

The woman chuckles as she adjusts the taller man, letting him lean more towards you. “Your husband here doesn’t know when to quit, even though I win every time”

Jimin looks up and makes eye contact with you, giving you his dazzling million-dollar smile, “My lovely ___~”, he stretches the syllable of your name at the end

You sigh as Mina lets him go completely and he now clings onto you, heavy alcohol compressing his natural scent. He always came back like this after a night at Vertigo’s, the prestige club at the other side of town. Carefully gathering him in your arms, you walk with him into the bedroom, taking cautious steps. In return, he noses your neck while cooing your name, making it difficult to keep your balance steady.

After you’ve gently laid him in bed, you take off his shoes. Undoing his pants, you slide them off as he fusses around like a child. It would make you smile usually, Jimin’s adorable state, if this scene hadn’t been done for the hundredth time this year. You were tired of him going to unknown faraway places to party and drink, while he missed plans you two had made around the corner. He would always apologize though, tell you how he just needed a way to release stress from his job.

It was always a habit for him, he never seemed to like any of his bosses, all of them relentlessly working him to the bone. Which in turn made him grouchy and tired. Jimin never bad mouthed anyone, therefore you knew it had to be serious.

And so, you sympathized with him; started to forgive more and say less. Pretty soon he was going out every night, his female companion always having to trudge him home. When you set his pants and shoes aside, you move to his button up, removing each button quickly as he quietly stares at you – heavy breathing in your face.

He grabs your wrist suddenly, once you’re halfway through and it makes you glance up at him. His eyes are heavy and dark, pupils dilated, and plush lips parted. Staring at you through heavy lids, he slowly feels over the skin on your wrist with his fingers, making you shiver. Jimin was a beautiful man indeed. Who wouldn’t forgive such an angelic face?

As much as you wanted to fall into the chasm that were his eyes, you knew this wasn’t the proper time. He was drunk after all, so you shook of his hand relentingly and finished unbuttoning his shirt. Pulling the covers up on him, you watched as his eyes fluttered shut with fondness. You gather the shirt in your arms, turning to the doorway when you freeze.

Something had moved…away from the bedroom’s entrance. It looked like someone’s head. The only person here other than you both was Mina. She couldn’t have been spying into your bedroom…could she?

Shaking off what you saw as a mistake, you walked into the living room. Mina was sitting on the couch opposite from you, seeming a bit apprehensive.

“Is he asleep?”

“Yes, you know Jimin. It doesn’t take long for him to fall asleep after drinking”

She gives you a half-hearted laugh as you set down Jimin’s shirt on a chair. Mina sat a few feet away, but you were barely able to make out her facial expression. The vague lighting of the living room had always been a pet peeve of Jimin’s. He always found something to complain about around the house, because he always wanted to live in a luxurious apartment in an upper north city, unlike you. You loved this place and this city. They provided you with the sense of familiar comfort, like Jimin did. You couldn’t imagine parting with the city where you met the love of your life.

As Mina starts recalling the story of how she won their drinking game this time, you fondle with his shirt. Your body aching to go lie down with him already.

It’s when you noticed it.

“Lipstick…”

“What?”

“There’s lipstick on the collar,” You say, picking up the edge of his shirt with your index finger. A small bright red stain rested on his off-white shirt. Your heart started to beat faster.

“O-Oh…T-that was me,” Mina answers, immediately shooting up from her spot

You glance at her, “You?”

“Guilty,” She says awkwardly, “Jimin gets really fussy on my shoulder and we accidently bump into each other all the time”

At her explanation, you collapse inside your head – relived. For a second, you were beginning to wonder if Jimin’s recent distance was due to another Jessica. No, that was only a one-time thing you remind yourself. Jimin wouldn’t do that to you. Letting out a breath, you send a smile at Mina’s direction. The girl appeared to be sweating in her heels.

“Mina, thank you so much for always taking such good care of him. I don’t know what I would do without you”

She stretches her lips at you, “N-no problem. He’s my friend”

“Do you want something to drink? Something to sober you up maybe?” You question her. Moving your body in line with the kitchen

“No!” She shouts, quickly stepping her way to the entrance, “I always love your food, but I-I should leave, it’s getting late”

“Are you sure?” You furrow your brows, “Why don’t you stay the night?”

“Thanks, but no thanks. I really should head out”

“Alright, be careful” You smile, walking up to her

She stares at you for a minute. It looks like there’s something she wants to say. You tilt your head at her.

“_-___ I-”

You stay silent, waiting for her to finish her sentence. But instead she chokes up, tears swelling in her doll eyes as she quivers in her spot. It makes you bothered, your lips pulled into a straight line. You are about to open your mouth when-

“Nothing, good night,” Turning around, she hastily pulls the door open

“Wait are you o-”

“Yup, good night” She doesn’t give you time to finish before she slams the door shut. Leaving you with your mouth somewhat ajar.

That was strange, you think. Mina and you had a friendly relationship. You wouldn’t go as far as to say you both were friends, she didn’t seem to prefer your company when Jimin wasn’t around. But you were fine with that, you liked her because Jimin liked her, trusted her because he did. Although, you were a bit jealous about how comfortable Jimin was with her. It just comes with friendship, you concluded you wouldn’t understand. In the end, you play it off as another misunderstanding like when you were in the bedroom.

You were really disorganized that night, just having had a long day at work and then staying up late for Jimin. You were probably really out of it.

Not even noticing that she wasn’t wearing red lipstick.

A couple of days past since that night, you were busy reading emails Yura sent you in the wake of your absence. You missed it, honestly. Dealing with numbers and graphs, presenting said graphs you spent the whole night perfecting, the results of your hard work being admired; being complimented. If you think back on it, you’ve always needed the approval of someone authoritative – someone above you. At first it was your mother, and now it’s your boss, the CEO of your company. You’ve never had anything you wanted to do out of passion or because it actually made you happy. The last time was six years ago, at the altar with Jimin. But your job was still better than this. It was better than being stuck at home, behind the most confining 4 walls – all by yourself. Enslaved by no one but your own mind. This place was once your sanctuary, the one you wanted to come back to, the one once filled with Jimin.

There were hours, sometimes days, that you would spend zoning out. All of your daydreams consisted of wondering what Jimin and Tina were doing together. Were they on a date? Perhaps they were making love in his office or a motel or Tina’s or anywhere they could. It was thoughts like these that drove you insane, until you were nothing but an empty shell. Crying didn’t help anymore, you ceased that a while ago. Food was tasteless, the bright sun no longer made your sentiments yearn. There was no want in your heart left; abandoned by its owner.

There was no love either.

As you open Yura’s last email, you stumble upon a sentence that raises your brows. ‘Company X merger with south district nightclub.’ You think back on a few nights ago, on that terrace at 3 in the morning with that stranger named Yoongi. Moving your eyes off your laptop, you look around your silent living room. It was Saturday night and you were alone…you and Jimin hadn’t even spoken to each other for the last two days. Since your rude behavior a few days ago, Jimin had been tip toeing around you a lot more. Not even trying to come home at 2 anymore, sometimes he’d spend the whole night away. He didn’t even make eye contact at the dinner table, yet alone make conversation. You might as well have been alone all 24 hours of a day.

“I’ve seen him there a few times”

Closing your laptop, you get up from your sofa chair and make your way to the coat rack. You pull out the small card Yoongi had given you and look at the club’s address. Taking a quick peek at the clock, you conclude you’ll be back home in 2 hours if the traffic is good. If…you were actually going to do this…

Like you weren’t in control of your body, your feet drag themselves to your room and into your closet. Your possessed frame wasn’t corresponding with your brain who kept repeating how bad of an idea this was. Picking out an old dress, one from your more youthful days, you do a light set of make-up and brush through your hair. You grab your purse and remember your phone this time, throwing it into the clutch with the club card and some cash. Everything was completed so quick, your mind didn’t have time to process anything until you blankly stood in the doorway, waiting to move again.

You’re really going to do this. You haven’t been to a club in…well you never went to a club. Back in the days, you heard about Mina and Jimin going to clubs together; she would joke about how she’s there to keep an eye on Jimin – make certain he’s not flirting with some other girls. How ironic. Shaking, you slowly turn the door knob in your vacant apartment, opening the door and cringing at the loud creek. Take a deep breath you tell yourself, before you’re leaving out the door in a quick paced motion, only one thought swimming across your mind.

You deserve better

You know how they say some places feel like a whole different world? Well yeah, this is what they were referring to. The dark neon lights moving about like lasers, the overly loud, heart pounding music; and so many warm, wet bodies suffocating your presence. So this is what a club is, you gather. Taking in the loud electronic drums pumping in your head, you almost couldn’t think straight. Everything was large and spread out, yet you still felt overcrowded and overwhelmed. Shuffling on your feet, you stood there awkwardly by the bar staring at one of the bar stools. The thought of casually walking up and sitting down was causing you unease.

Eventually, you gathered the nerve to do so. Looking around, you weren’t sure what you were so worried for, no one seemed to have said anything. There was really not much to do but glance about. The bar tender seemed busy with other customers. Quite young-looking girls, which made you a tad iffy. By the way the man was eyeing them, he also thought they looked too young to be in here. You looked away once he asked them for an I.D., and a man next to them laughed loudly, telling him to let the girls have fun.

The booths were situated across the room from you, and you heard a lot of bottles popping and celebratory shouts from their direction making you smile. There was a second balcony floor above the booths. A lot of people were there as well, but the atmosphere felt more serious up there…more fancy. On the first floor, right behind the bar was the dance floor where more than half the crowd was located. Some of the dances made you blush and turn away…it was astonishing that’d they do those certain movements in front of so many spectators. You couldn’t even imagine doing these things with Jimin alone…although maybe you kind of wanted to. Not having the courage to look at the couple practically humping a few feet from you, you decided to just observe your lap.

You spot your wedding ring reflecting off the neon green laser lights. A gold band around your finger, delicately engraved with Jimin’s name. It had a large diamond, shaped like a heart as the centerpiece. Again, you’re reminded of the enigma that is Park Jimin. There was no way you could escape him, even here, everyone’s favorite place to hide from the world for a night or two. He basically owned you, body and soul– refusing to hand it back over no matter how much you wordlessly pleaded.

It infuriated you.

Hesitant at first, you move your hand to carefully slide off the ring. Strange, you think holding it up to the lights of the bar in front of you. You thought it’d make you feel worse, but no…it was liberating? Tonight, there’s not much you want to think about…especially not your feelings. Tonight, you want to run away with the outcasted mass, reflect about nothing as you passage through space and time continuum without having to live it. So, without giving it another thought, you open up your clutch and throw the ring inside.

And so, you sat, tapping at your thighs through the see-through satin of the bottom of your dress.

“Hey there, sweesh cheeks” A guy’s gaudy voice shouts in your direction over the music. It’s him, the man laughing at those girls from before. He’s moved closer. “Never seen you before? *Hic* What brings you around here, huhsh?”

You weren’t one to judge someone at first glance, but he had the most obnoxious smell coming from him, which made you stay mute if not a bit disgusted. He had long greasy hair, tied in a ponytail and the beginnings of a patchy beard. It looked like he hadn’t showered in days.

“I’m Daniel by the way” he shoots you a wink

He wore a cross pendant around his neckline, earrings decorating both of his ears. He tried to faintly move closer to you, his scent neighboring you. The last thing you wanted to do was be impolite, but the man was slimy, smelling of mold and cheap, over the top body spray. Alcohol littered his breath and his pupils were a bit off. As he sits down next to you – too close for comfort – you subtly turn your head away, not wanting another whiff of him. You were honestly regretting ever setting foot outside your house.

“Heeeeyyyy” He moves his face even closer to you making you scrunch your nose and slightly move off the bar stool. Daniel takes notice to that and doesn’t seemed too pleased about it. It was then that he grabs your arm and starts raising his voice, “Don’t be sush a bish, I’m jush trying to talk,” he slurs

You try to pull your arm away but he just pulls it tighter “Stop…go away” you say to him, trying to sound courageous but your voice failing you miserably. He smirks at your frightened behavior and you want to throw up. Before he could do anything else you watch as he gets pulled away from you and off of the bar stool next to you as a woman starts screaming in his face

“She told you to stop, didn’t she? Scram you little shit”

She throws him towards the right, where he loses his balance and trips on his own leg. Scrambling to get up, he runs away into the dancing mob. The woman takes a seat next to you after scooting the stool away from your side. She doesn’t bother to look at you as she shouts for a shot. In retrospect, you gape at her in awe; from her short stature to her elongated plastic nails and high pony tail all held together by her tight blue dress. When she catches you gawking at her she raises a brow,

“Is there a problem?”

“N-o No!” You say, flustered at her actually speaking to you, “Thank you for what you did”

“Don’t worry about it. The guy was a creep, he had it coming” The bartender places a shot in front of her which she immediately downs and begins fishing through her purse.

When you notice she was taking out cash to pay, you intervene “It’s on me!” You shout quickly grabbing a 10 from your purse

“Hey, you don’t have to –

“It’s alright. Thanks again” You smile as you put out the bill for her. She pauses for a second and just stares at you, making you slightly nervous.

“What’s your name?” She asks, giving you a once over

“___” You answer back, cowering a bit under her gaze

“Well ___,” She smiles, “I’m Irene, me and my girls are in that booth over there, care to join us?”

It was as if someone turned back time to your high school days. In all your years of living, no one had asked you to join them except Jimin. Now that it happened, here you were about to ruin it by looking like a fish out of the water. Your nerves are on high, and you feel yourself getting extremely warm as she continues to stare at you, a bit confused by your silence. By the adrenaline running through you from the sudden events and Jimin flashing through your mind; there was only one answer lingering your lips. An answer that surprised even you.

“Yes”

The night goes by in a blur

One second you were being pulled into a booth with extremely pretty young ladies, and they’re introducing themselves. Joy, Chae, Riri …some other people you don’t recall. Everyone was so nice, and they were really loud…but in a fun way. You hated noise, but their shouting and laughing was heartening for some reason. It matched with the vibe of the vibrant club. Suddenly you were chugging the bottle someone had pushed into your hand. All you’ve ever had were some wines and rose’s with Jimin, and now you’re unexpectedly gulping down a bottle of Bacardi. Cheers surround you the more you drink, the lighter your head feels, the freer your body moves. Nothing was registering in your mind, which concerned you a bit because you always had control over what you did – over all your movements.

You’re sure you were pushed onto the dance floor…or were you? Wait, you couldn’t dance, you were gonna embarrass yourself! But your worries seemed so trivial while you watched all the carefree figures around you; you decided to follow the other girls, observing their fluid movements and becoming encouraged. You swung your hips and spun around the dance floor to whatever noise was blaring through the speakers, permitting it to take control of your body.

Someone crashed into you on what you thought was an accident, until their hands found a way to your hips and they pulled you unto their sturdy chest. They grind themselves on you, and you’re too drunk to care letting them sway you how they want. Your hair was sticking to your forehead and you plop your head back onto their shoulder. It’s been so long since you had this much riveting human contact. They were warming you up, you could feel the flexing muscles in their arms smothering you and they had such a pleasant incense…like honey. Goosebumps rise onto your skin.

“You smeelll…soo nicee” You giggle in a slurred speech as you feel them breathe into your ear

“You’re so fucking sexy babe,” You moan at their deep voice, something inside you stirring at their foul language as he tightens his hold on your waist. Then there are even more gaps in your memory, but you remember being reluctantly pulled away as Irene dragged you away to the entrance. She asks for your address a few times as you mumble in your drunken state and then she throws you in a cab.

“Get home safe, I’ll call you” Was the last thing you heard her say before the driver pulls away from the club.

Now you’re inside your complex’s hallway, trying to find your apartment door. You’re wobbling around in your heels – trying to find your flat number – humming a loud song you didn’t know you knew. When you find what seemed like the right number, you cheer and run up to it, jumping in place as you get your keys from your clutch. The last thing you remember was opening the door of your apartment and being greeted by Jimin’s angry face.

Your eyes flutter open. You stare at a spotty white ceiling while you adjust to the light of the familiar room. There was a strange numbness in your body making you feel on edge while you try to fully grasp your consciousness. Slowly you sit up using your arms, immediately regretting it as a strike of pain shoots inside your head. Hissing you grab onto your forehead and bend your body forward, resting your elbows on your thighs. You felt terribly sick.

“Fun night?” A voice suddenly cuts through the room

You look up and see Jimin standing a few feet away from the bed with his arms crossed. His eyebrows were furrowed and his lips curled down in a prominent frown. You didn’t quite register what he said so you just let out a small ‘huh?’

“I said it looks like you had fun last night, seeing how you were out till 3 in the morning”

3? Wait…you left at 10 pm…so five hours? You were out for five hours!? How is that possible. God, you never leave the house and the one time you do, you can’t even properly account for the time. You didn’t have any second to reminisce about last night’s events as Jimin burns a hole through you, not noticing that you’re as shocked as he was. He couldn’t put it into words how mortified he is…he’s known you for 8 years and you NEVER came home late from an unknown place; drunk and untamed. How could someone just change like that? You’ve been acting weird ever since the day he came home to find you soaked. Going out to unknown places, coming home later than him. With another man’s cologne lingering your body. He tightens his fists.

“I called you fifty times…did you forget your phone again?”

You take note of the irritation in his voice which has a flame of rage opening inside you. Instead you opt to search for your clutch. Finding it on the dresser next to you, you take out your phone and open it to see 14 missed calls – making you wince.

“Sorry, my bag wasn’t around me” You mutter, running your hands through your messy hair. You were still wearing yesterdays clothes and you felt icky, and you needed to shower so you throw the cover off of you and get ready to get up

“Where were you?” He questions

There it was, that tone in his voice again. You look up to see him glaring at you, so you glare back

“Why do you care?” You spit, “Did I ask where you were?”

He’s startled by your behavior and decreases his heavy stance. You get off the bed and push your way past him without another glance as he stands there questioning himself of what just happened.

Could she…no…it couldn’t be…

He then stares at your clutch haphazardly thrown on the bed. Maybe, he thinks, there are some answers in there.

The following Monday you decide to start work again. Calling your boss to notify her, who was elated at your return. You sit at your desk completing a spreadsheet, a tiny feeling of contentment in your bones. Since Saturday, Irene has called you to ask if you got home in one piece. One thing led to another and you ended up having dinner at her house. Good thing too, since you knew Jimin wouldn’t be home so you would have just skipped eating again. She was a year older than you, single and very proud of so and worked real estate.

Irene could tell straight away that you weren’t the clubbing type. As if the way you responded to the rude man wasn’t enough, you made her worry by stumbling across the dance floor like a fawn. Or as she put it so kindly, easy prey. She invited you over because she wanted you to loosen up, not knowing how effortlessly impressionable you’d end up being. She explained to you that she thought you were originally from a more rural area, like she was. When she first moved into the city, she was also quite naive to the boisterous and progressive city ways. You didn’t know how to tell her you’d been living in big cities your whole life…you just…don’t get out much. Either way, you were immensely grateful she had watched over you and sent you home.

The night’s events to you are in complete distortion – turns out your brain was not prepared for such a large consumption of alcohol in an hour. Irene tells you things that you have absolutely no recollection of that has you hiding your face behind your fingers. Apparently, you tried to tear off your clothes because they were too warm? You kept singing a sad love song out loud on the dance floor? Also, you were shamelessly grinding on the hottest guy she’s ever seen? There was no way you did any of that…is there? If there was, then there’s no way you’re going back there again…and that was okay with you. At least one good thing came out of it.

It made no sense to you, but somehow you think she wanted to be your friend. Why would a fun, amazing person like her want to be your friend? You were on edge the whole time at her apartment, thinking there was a catch coming and she was about to laugh in your face. But the only laughing she did was after making cheesy jokes as she set down Risotto in front of you. Funnily enough you laughed along…you forgot you could do that recently. The Risotto was also the best you had in a long time, and you were blown away by her cooking skills. It was as if food had become tasteless in the past month.

After 26 years, you finally have someone to call a friend.

As you type in the last set of numbers on your spreadsheet, you smile. After work you agreed to grab pizza together and you felt like an excited kid going to a sleep over. Maybe you should drop by the rooftop again tonight, you’ve been wanting to thank Yoongi for finding you a friend…and you also really want to see him again, for some reason. You were tapping your foot amongst the floor and whistling to yourself when you heard a knock on the door.

“Come in” you singsong. Yura steps into your office and hands you a printout you ordered.

“Ma’am” She calls you who’s examining the client memo, making you respond with a ‘hmm,’ “Is it alright if I leave early today? My therapist ran into a small problem and now my appointment is an hour earlier”

You immediately stop reading the paper and look up at her in surprise.

“Is everything alright?” You question carefully. Had you missed out on so much? But Yura looks as fine as usual…why would she need a therapist?

To your surprise she lets out a chuckle at your shocked face “Yes, I’m fine. I’ve had a therapist for a few years now, It’s nothing new”

“Oh...” You recoil, “I’m sorry I didn’t know”

“It’s alright, it’s sort of an open secret,” She says cheerily, as if she was expecting your reaction

“You can leave early” You smile, awkwardly trying to get back to what you were doing

“Thank you” she says walking towards the door. As she’s about to pull it open, she spins to face you, “Umm…You know Ma’am…” She starts making you look up at her

“I usually don’t get the best reactions when I tell people I’m in therapy but in honesty, therapy isn’t a bad word.”

“I know” You smile at her, you hope she didn’t think you had any prejudice against her because of so

“Then would you get offended if I told you that you should find a therapist”

At her words a hint of exasperation builds up on you. What did she mean by that? You’re about to open your mouth and tell her off when you realize that this is exactly what she was talking about. You just told her that it’s okay to be in therapy, but get mad when she recommends something that’s been helping her to you? Humans are so hypocritical aren’t they. Like how they say they’ll love you forever and then go find comfort in someone else; or how they say they understand, when clearly, they have so much to learn. You look away, ashamed

As if knowing exactly what you were thinking, she sighs “Thought so…My own parents” She pauses, looking at the floor with a hint of sadness, “They tell people that I haven’t been the same since grandma passed away, or try to make other excuses for why I try and seek professional help. I guess they desperately want to make me look like a sane person in front of people,”

“Yura…” You feel something caught in your throat. She’d been your secretary for 2 years now and you didn’t know the first thing about her.

“And it’s true” She meets your eyes again, “That I was really sad when my grandma died, I was really so reckless, and I wanted help. But that’s not what therapy is all about. Even though now, my life is back in shape, I have an amazing boyfriend, a wonderful job, and a great boss” She beams at you as you hide a blush,

“I need someone to talk to sometimes…someone to just listen to me rant without judgement and help get my thoughts in order. It helps me process my emotions in a heathy, productive manner and I’m glad I’m in therapy trying to better myself, rather than hiding behind a fake mask of strength, pretending that everything is – and always will be alright. Or thinking that being tough means holding the whole world on your shoulders by yourself for some reason. Sometimes everything will not be aright and the world won’t fit in your shoulders and that’s fine…I’ll learn to deal with, the best way I can…my therapist and I.” She walks up to your desk and puts down a folded piece of paper, and walks back to the door.

She takes a breath, it felt like she just took a huge burden off her shoulder by telling you this, “Ma’am…you work harder than anyone in this building, all my coworkers talk about it all the time, we all admire you”

Staring at her in shock, you have to force yourself to blink so you don’t come off as crazy. You always assumed your colleagues at the company thought of you as an overworking recluse, you never could’ve imagined anyone but your boss appreciating you, much less admiring.

“I’m recommending her to you because I know you stress about your job often. I’m right in the next room and the doors are literally made of glass,” She chuckles. “She’s great and you deserve the best. Please give her a call if you have time and thank you again for letting me leave early”

With that she walks out of your office and leaves you alone with your thoughts.

You stare at the piece of paper on your desk for a moment, before reaching over and picking it up. When you unfold it, you find a name and number written in black ink. It seemed sort of crumpled, and old and it makes you wonder if she’s been holding onto this for a while. The see-through door in your office gave anyone outside a pretty clear view of you at your desk. She probably saw you running your hands through your hair, frowning and huffing and wanted to help you out. But she was mistaken about one thing. It wasn’t because of work that you were stressed…it was because of your husband, Park Jimin…and you don’t know if you’re ready to talk to anyone about something so private – so dear to you yet. Huffing, you shove the number into your purse and turn back to the memo to continue reading.

It was Jimin’s day off today, and you were surprised to wake up see him lounging at home. Half of you thought you were still dreaming. You stare at him lying on the couch in his sweats from your bedroom’s doorway, wondering why he didn’t leave to hang out with ‘Jin’ already. He did come home pissed yesterday…that might have something to do with this. Did he have a fight with his mistress perhaps? Jimin looks up from the book he was reading and gives you a smile that has you weak in the knees.

“Awake sleepyhead?”

“Why’re you here?” The words fall out faster than you could stop them. You see him frown at your reaction.

“Can’t I be at my own house?”

“…You usually aren’t,” You mutter as he squints his eyes to see if he heard you correctly. Not waiting for a response, you immediately head to the kitchen to grab yourself a cup of coffee. Pouring the black brew into your baby blue mug; you sniff the rejuvenating scent and let the warmth of the cup spread through your palms, resting in your joints. Smiling to yourself, you turn around to grab some creamer and end up almost dropping the mug out of your hands in shock.

Jimin had swiftly moved from the living room to stand behind you, quietly watching you like a hawk. His presence oddly threatening.

“Yes?” You question him, strangely uncomfortable at his penetrating gaze. Hand in his pockets, he moves closer to you as you move back, becoming trapped between him and the stove.

“What’s up with you these days?” He asks, voice barely above a whisper

“W-what do you m-mean?”

“Is there something you’re not telling me?”

What? Isn’t that what you should be asking? Your face morphs into confusion at his accusatory tone.

“W…hat?”

“Where’s your ring?”

Pointing at your hand he narrows his eyes at you. You give him a weird face with your mouth agape before registering what he just said, which makes you hold up your hand to inspect it.

“…”

“So, where is it?” He crosses his arms warily

You rack through your brain, trying to recall where you put it or when you lost it. How long have you gone without noticing? You open and close your mouth a few times, trying to find an answer through your faulty memories. Just then Jimin reaches into his sweat’s pocket an pulls out the golden, diamond studded jewel, holding it up a few inches from his face.

“Where did yo-”

“I found it,” He practically growls, “In your clutch from Saturday night, remember that?”

“What were you doing going through my stuff?! I don’t recall going through your things even afte-” You yell defensively.

But he ignores you and pulls out something else from his sweats, “And what’s this, huh? Why’re you going to cypher road of all places without telling me?! Coming back at 3 in the morning?! Who was the guy with the nice cologne by the way?!”

It was the card Yoongi gave you.

It’s not that you and Jimin hadn’t had fights before – just like any other married couple, you did. Usually it ended with you conceding, meekly apologizing before things got too out of hand. So, when your ears turn fiery red and you feel yourself apply pressure to your teeth and clench your fists, you receive a crashing realization. The first time in ages he concerns himself with your whereabouts, and it’s only to accuse you of something so revolting? Blame your flare of anger on the only sip of coffee you had and the stingy fresh morning air. Blame it on Jimin himself never feeling the need to tell you where he was headed – not the truth anyway.

“IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!”

…

There was a deafening silence that followed your outburst as your husband stood there stunned. He took a step back, he’s not sure why…you weren’t in any way a threat to Park Jimin…were you? His shy, small wife would never raise her voice at him. Would never make him feel that he was the one in the wrong.

You let out a shaky exhale, loosening your grip on the mug and setting it on the marble top. You run a hand through your hair in frustration, securing it above your temple.

“For years…I had no one. You knew that…and you told me it was okay – that you’d be my everything” Closing your eyes, you try to process your thoughts rationally, “Yet you went out…You continued to move forward with the world, and I was constantly left behind. And I said it was okay – I made excuses to myself that you were the more outgoing one, that it was only natural – that it was okay that you went to clubs and missed dinner dates and forgot my birthday. But in reality, I was lonely Jimin…Always.”

“Did you ever even notice? Or were you too busy celebrating the fact that your wife would destroy herself from the inside out, just for you?”

It took everything within you to make your words comprehensible. You were struggling to hold back tears looking at him. His face seemed worried and upset, but maybe it could just be an act you tell yourself. It’s not like you actually knew Jimin now did you? It wasn’t that you were proud of what you did that night, no one should be coming home drunk at 3 AM, it’s dangerous and unhealthy. But did he ever think that if he were at home, maybe you wouldn’t have gone to an unknown location in the first place? If he were at home, maybe he could have gone with you and brought you home like a husband does? You wouldn’t have had to stumble back drunk if it wasn’t for him. He didn’t know anything about you, no matter how much he acted like he did.

“I don’t think you’ve ever noticed…or cared. So, excuse me if I do the same.”

Snatching the ring from him you shove it back on to your finger in front of his face.

“There, happy now?”

When he doesn’t say anything you clear your throat, picking up your mug, “For the record, I’m not doing anything unfaithful. I’m not-”

You.

Stopping yourself from finishing that sentence, you take a deep breath and walking past him. You didn’t wait for his response, if he has any, not wanting to stand in the suffocating atmosphere of the kitchen any longer. Before leaving the kitchen, you shout back over your shoulder,

“I’m going out today, I need to meet a friend”

You take off before he can give you an answer.

“Then we can add the caption over in this section”

Jimin watches you while you work through the graphic of the presentation, already having zoned out from what you were saying a long time ago. It’s funny to him how interesting he started to find you this past week. When his professor first told him you were his partner, he thought the man was mistaken, having never even heard of your name in class. That was rare for him, the most beloved guy in college, friends with literally anyone that breathed. Even the campus’ squirrels adored him.

From then on it was routine. Walking up to you, giving his ‘angelic’ smile, watching you fall for him hard. Contrary to what most edgy Hollywood films might tell you, popularity is actually an amazing feeling. He loved having people whipped for him, how their eyes lit up when he entered a room, how he could take their breath away by simply running his fingers through his hair.

He treasured this power.

A certain part he noticed about his social circle was their need to become important in his life. They wanted to be noticed by him, they wanted his recognition, they wanted to be his special someone. And it made him laugh really, I mean he was flattered but it was also a bit pathetic. They’d try many things; playing hard to get, seducing him into bed, even stalking him around campus. He felt sad for such folks, imagine having such futile ambition.

Then again, it was as if there was a silent understanding amongst most people. Jimin couldn’t be theirs, which definitely means he couldn’t be anyone else’s. They were satisfied because it wasn’t just them and their miserable shortcomings, but rather Jimin who didn’t want to belong to anyone. And who wouldn’t respect precious Jimin’s wishes? How hilarious, he wanted to sneer at them for even thinking they could know anything about him.

Jimin never felt guilty for feeling this way, it’s not like he was hurting anyone’s emotional state by being a disrespectful person. He never begged for the attention, never forced anyone to love him, it wasn’t on him if they couldn’t discern rationality. It was a give and take relationship after all; people gave him the attention he desired, and he gave people a sense of superiority just by being connected to him.

But you were different somehow. It was obvious you liked him right when he came up to you, the expression on your face was nothing short of a deer in headlights. Yet the more time he spent with you, the more you just…worked. Normal people might not think anything of it, pass you off as some hard-working nerd that would get them a good grade, but to him it was bewildering. You just didn’t care about his attention, you didn’t ask him for more than you had to, and you never even looked his way in class.

He didn’t think you were faking it, you didn’t look like the type of girl, one he’s encountered many times before. No one in his circle or even outside of it seemed to know of your existence. The stuff he cherished – held onto dearly, none of it appeared to matter to you. Large amounts of friends, dedicated followers worshipping the ground he walked on, not even your parent’s unconditional love. Such peculiar behavior intrigued him into studying you. It almost felt like you’d rather live in the shadows. A concept so foreign and bizarre to him.

A certain desire invoked in him that day, observing you who was ranting apologies about an error you made in the screen. It was as if the weight of the world shifted, a sudden awareness on his surroundings – on you. For the past week you both have been working together, he’s been nice and cooperative as he usually is. There’s a semblance of distance in the form of an invisible line, both based on the terms of unfamiliarity and politeness.

However…what if he were to cross that line and give you the one thing so many individuals craved. The thing people have practically begged him for so long with their obsessive eyes, their inaudible whines as he leaves their presence, or when he as them pinned beneath him at his mercy. What if he were to give you what he knows some girls in his classes would kill each other over.

Scooching his chair closer to yours he rests his jaw in his palm. You stop talking and stare at him with wide eyes, he could see you gulp as he smiles your way. The nepenthes rafflesiana emit a honey scent to lure their prey. He sets his plan into action by tenderly blowing on a stray hair in your face, his expression morphing into one that should be kept only for the bedroom. Noticing the cause of his actions, you quickly remove the strand in a frenzy. Jimin giggles at your panic, and he notes that he’s genuinely laughing compared to the memorized charming laugh he has for most people.

Moving so that the tip of his nose was nearly touching your cheek he stretches his lips,

“You were saying?”

What if he were to give you his special attention?

“First of all, if I ever meet him, I’m going to cut off his ba-”

“Irene!” you shout, quickly cover her mouth with your palm. She huffs, removing the obstacle on her face with a deadpanned expression

“Secondly, I really don’t know why you’re still with him as far as I can tell, you seem to be completely over him”

You look down at the hardwood table below you, the curtains of your eyes strain in concentration. Irene sighs, knowing the expression on your face to be all too similar.

She had stumbled upon your secrets by accident one night. You were embarrassed yet overjoyed to say that you and her linking up had become routine. One evening, you were at her place cooking together and you ended up burning your thumb. All she did was fret over you and dip your finger under cool running water and the next thing she knows the faucet isn’t the only thing leaking. Her small act of compassion made you burst into ugly, roaring tears. She was rightfully very freaked out, but also immensely worried. It was as if you hadn’t been shown any amount of human kindness in years. After spending minutes calming you down, she finally probed you enough for you to spill the beans.

Irene was beyond livid. You watched her jaw set with each word you spoke. Actually, you’re pretty sure she called him every name in the book and then some. The outburst was short-lived, and you were afraid it would make her act different towards you. But she didn’t, if anything, she was kinder than before. A sympathetic glint in her eyes each time you broke down.

Since then, she’s been your confidant anytime you feel the overwhelming urge of despair.

“You still love him?” she asks, quieter than before. Staying silent, you listen in on the small chatter and distance cars around you. You sat right outside of a vintage café. The weather was nice, the generous café offering a view of beautiful blue clematises draped along the margins of the stone building. Above you, stood the striped canopy connected to the establishment, allowing in the gentlest of the sun rays to glow up your rosy tea.

“I love him…I want him…”

“And why is that?”

“…Because I need him”

“For?”

“I don’t know…” You close your eyes in frustration. Frustration at your puzzling emotions.

“Well I do,” Irene takes a sip of her brew “You need him because you think he’s the only one who can love you and therefore make you feel whole”

You look up at her in surprise. Something about what she said resonated with you…how have you never noticed before?

“Listen,” Irene says, clacking down her cup, “I can’t tell you how to live your life or who to not love. But I can tell you the person you do need to start loving.”

She takes a moment to stare at you in your eyes, and you capture the sincerity in her irises. Heat rises up to your face, never having seen this much care in someone else for you. It made you tear up.

“Yourself”

“…Myself?”

“Yes, think about it. You worked hard in school because of your mom. You work hard at your job for your boss. And you worked hard in your relationship for Jimin. What have you ever done for yourself?”

Contemplating Irene’s words, you try to think. What had you done for yourself? You weren’t even sure you had a hobby…all of your interests were things Jimin seemed to fawn over.

…Who were you?

“All right, how about this. In your life, other than Jimin, is there something you like to do? Something that genuinely brings you joy, not because of another person, but just for yourself”

“I-”

Reminiscing through your dull past, you didn’t find anything but study books, grade marks and pencils. Lonely nights and lost dreams, a broken heart and repeated hesitance. Swallowed words, an indistinct confession of love, the sound of a keyboard, bitter coffee…and Jimin…and…

“Cooking”

“Hmm?”

“I like…” squinting your eyes, you reflect hard, “yeah…I like cooking.” You say smiling, proud of yourself for some reason.

“I like cooking”

Irene grins widely at you showing her perfect set of teeth, “I like cooking too. You know I always wanted to own my own restaur-”

But then her expression falls, and worry fills her eyes,

“Why are you crying?”

“Huh?” You bring your fingers up to meet with your wet cheeks. Confused and disoriented, you quickly grab the napkins on your table and wipe away your tears as Irene’s shocked face only turns worse, “Sorry, I – I don’t, I…”

Taking a deep breath, you speak up again, “I didn’t know I liked anything,” this time letting the tears of happiness fall on their own accord.

“Oh, honey,” Irene gets up from her chair and moves to your side, engulfing your upper body with her arms, “You deserve so much better”

There was that word again. You weren’t sure what it meant completely quite yet. Only a fragment of its definition registering into your head as the other half felt cover by a large sheet – a locked object waiting for you to find the key. Maybe unlocking the answer would take a bit more time, but you knew one thing for certain.

You were starting to believe it.

Barging into your home, you heave a sigh with your back against the front door. It was a long day and Irene’s impromptu shopping trip didn’t help. She made you pick up half the store’s items. Even going as far as to secretly purchase any item you felt insecure or shy about herself and stash it inside your bags. You couldn’t even count how many bags you were carrying, as well as the amount of ‘sexy’ dresses Irene made you buy. Honestly, you thought half of them were lingerie. Throwing off your heels you make your way into your bed room.

You fling the bags next to your bed and jump onto the springy mattress. It was so comforting, you almost moaned as the foam molded into the shape of your back. Your eyes were shut delicately, and you were about to fade away, which is why you didn’t hear the bare footsteps making their way across your floorboards and the slight dip on the edge of the bed.

“Baby?”

You flutter your eyes open at the familiar voice of your husband, turning your head to see him sitting by your side. He puts his hand over yours and squeezes it softly.

“Long day?” He asks cautiously

You nod wordlessly

Looking over at your bags he lets out a chuckle. “Looks like you had fun…” He looks back at you, “I’m glad.”

Smiling at him you hold his hand back, letting your freshly manicured nails kindly scratch his palm. You felt remorse for blowing up at him this morning. All you want to do with Jimin is have a normal conversation – confront him without acting so aggressively. Spewing irrational nonsense that would get your relationship nowhere. It’s the least you could do for someone you loved.

His hand starts moving along your arms slowly, then rests on your shoulder. He moves closer to you, until his face is hovering yours. Lips parted, his breath fans your face.

“It’s been a while” He says lowly, gradually leaning in further and further

He kisses you; tenderly at first, moving his hand up to cup your cheek. You let him in, not having tasted Jimin for far too long. Your tongues move in harmony, faces adjusting to get better angles inside the wet caverns. He moves his thumb along your cheek, his other hand travelling up your leg and you hum into his mouth. Shivers run up your skin as he rubs the inside of your thigh. It was when you accidently bite his tongue that he lets out a growl.

You recognized that sound.

It was the growl he made when he was fucking Tina.

Your eyes flash open in an instant, feeling like someone threw cold water all over you. His touches no longer causing butterflies, instead making the rising queasiness in your stomach worse. His scent was no longer soothing, and his tongue no longer welcomed.

“Mm-No-mm” You pry at his chest until he comes off you. Sitting up immediately, you wipe your lips, an uninvited sensation crawling over you. You stare at Jimin who’s breathing heavily. Flushed face and blown pupils, staring at you in surprise.

“What’s wrong?” He asks

“I…I don’t want this,” You say, still wiping at your mouth, trying to make the dreadful feeling go away. You feel small when he grunts and looks away from you, running a hand through his hair in irritation. He stays still for a moment, burning a hole into the ground as you bring your knees to your chest.

“Then what” You glance at him as he speaks, “What do you want”

Holding yourself tighter at his hardened stare, you try to talk. But you’re unable to form the actual words

“I-I…I don’t…I”

“WHAT DO YOU WANT?!” He screams making you flinch, getting up from your side. “WHAT IS IT, HUH? WHY DON’T YOU EVER SAY ANYTHING?”

“I don’t know!” You yell back upset, tears blurring your vision

Snarling in anger, he runs his palm over his face.

“So, you just take a month off of work, stop talking to me, start taking these damn sleeping pills, go out to places with people I never met, yell at me when I do show concern, and now you don’t want me to touch you?”

“At least tell me what’s going on, please, tell me what you want,” Coming up to your face, he pleads with you. His eyes appeared half crazed and exhausted, it frightened you. It reminded you of your own when he first started distancing himself from you.

It was surreal to you, watching him get angry at you treating him how he treats you. Should you have been this angry since the start? Would that have made him feel as guilty as you’re feeling right now? All these hypotheticals were starting to bore. You knew exactly what you wanted from Jimin, you were just scared of the consequences of voicing what you desired. At that moment however, none of those consequences mattered…

“I want you…to be honest…” Breaking your silence, you stare at him dead in the face

“…what?”

“Be honest Jimin…stop pretending with me all the fucking time.”

Jimin looks taken aback as he watches you, trying to decipher the meaning behind your words. You’ve always been difficult to read…always.

“You think…after spending eight years with you, you’d learn the decency to tell you me the truth. Have I ever asked you for anything else? It could be the least you could do for me. Isn’t it, Jimin?”

You wait for him to say something, pushing through the exhaustion of your soul. “Why did you do it, Jimin…why did you choose to do it…to me?”

Jimin is a smart man. He knows what you’re implying, knows what this could mean for him…for you. You know…you had caught him. It would finally explain so many things plaguing his mind. Yet at this point he’d rather not have answers at all. His suspicion was solidified by the discomfort under your eyes. So lost and broken, an incomplete passion.

He racks his brain to speak, to refute, but instead he stays mum and helpless. There seems to be an invisible line you both can’t cross – aren’t willing to cross. Strange really, how the world turns, just to come back to where it was. If the female grasshopper bites the head off the male grasshopper after mating…who’s to blame? The female for being so heartlessly cruel or the male, for knowingly falling so hard it led him to his own demise? Maybe neither. Maybe they were both just caught in their own fate, helplessly watching as the world was turning without their consent.

You both stay there, quietly staring at one another.

A loss for words doesn’t cover it, you both were purposely letting the time pass by with nothing to disturb the environment. It was as if you both – in that time frame – you both were simultaneously recollecting the same thing. The first meeting, the first date, the first kiss, the first time. That one afternoon when Jimin took you to the park and he ended up getting swarmed into a pond by whiteflies because of his lime green shirt and he told you he loved you for the first time when you pulled him out. Or when you bought him matching mochi keychains when he kept losing his keys, and he wore it on display everywhere even when his friends teased him.

How every time you cooked something, he wolfed it up giving you a million genuine compliments and it made your eyes shine like Christmas lights. He’d make sure to peck your face several times throughout the day and peck you more if you blush, his favorite color displayed on your cheeks. You’d pretend to sleep through your alarm, so he’d wake you up by whispering in your ear. He would save chocolate strawberries at parties, even when he was drunk, just so he could bring them home for you. Just small, trivial things that grow irreplaceable down the road.

When you had to deal with all of his absences without a complaint, as long as Jimin would still smile at you with his crescent shaped eyes in the mornings.

When there was a time Jimin realized that he couldn’t live without you, so he ran away without you knowing.

They wonder what their relationship would’ve been if they met at the right time; a better time. When the world stopped moving for them, so they could see the other in balance instead of motion. Therefore, never feeling like the other was fleeting.

But they never will, they met when they met and did what they did. Their sins were written in stone, never to be erased.

And that’s just the case with them.

Jimin turns and leaves without the room without another word. You lie back down on the mattress lifelessly, wishing for the day to be over.

#BTS #BTS angst #BTS fluff #BTS smut #Jimin angst #Jimin fluff #Jimin smut #R:CHTMD

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noonachronicles · 5 years

Text

Forget Me Not

Lee Hoseok/Wonho X Reader

Word Count: 22k

Warnings: Tamed usage of curse words. Smut, but cheesy, bad smut . It’s almost like I wrote it bad intentionally? (don’t even read it tbh). Also some of this was written during a cold medicine haze. So any part you don’t like was written while I was on cold meds and/or written at three in the morning and you can’t blame me. Everything you enjoy I was fully conscious for. Also I didn’t proofread this. I tried, but I’m so tired.

Genre: Mostly fluff, some smut, angst? FWB to True Love lololol.

A/N: Happy (belated) Birthday to my beautiful angel baby, Sara (@memoiresofaneternaldreamer ). I’m unexplainably sorry that this took me so long to get to you and I’m grateful for your endless patience with my shit. 🤣 Why you tolerate me I’ll never understand but it means everything to me to know that no matter what’s going on, I can always count on you to be there. For sticking with me through my worst, I wanted to give you some of my best.

Did I also use your birthday as an excuse to write out what is essentially 20k words worth of praise for Wonho based off of the disgusting amount of deeply internalized love I apparently have hidden away for him? Yes. Please don’t tell Changkyun. Now, let’s get to it.

Saturday

Hoseok 8:40PM: Right. Fucking. Now.

You 8:45PM: k

Monday

You 9:38PM: Busy?

Hoseok 9:40PM: On my way ;)

Thursday

You 8:54PM: Now.

You 8:58PM: Please. :)

Today

Hoseok 9:03PM: Need you.

Hoseok looked down at his watch as he was stopped at the red light. He'd already sent the message to let you know he was on his way over which gave him about 15 minutes to get to your place before you got too impatient. He had two choices. He could drive straight and make it to your place a little ahead of time. Or, he could turn right and stop at the store to get a bottle of that wine he knew you loved.

When the light turned green he made a split decision and went right. He might be a little late but your irritation with his tardiness would disappear at the sight of the wine.

In the parking lot of the store there was a homeless man begging for change. Hoseok would have to choose between walking passed the old man or stopping to pull out his wallet. As he always did, he stopped. He grabbed a few bills from his wallet to give to the man and talked to him for a while to see if he needed anything from inside before actually going in. He found the wine quickly but then he chose to get something to go with it. He eyed the fresh flowers and picked out a bright mix of spring colors, he knew you’d like those better than something more romantic like roses.

He could hear your complaining already, “You're not my boyfriend. Stop doing boyfriend things. I'll get the wrong idea.”

He could also already see the bright blush on your cheeks as you sniffed the petals and placed the flowers in a vase while he opened the wine. He smiled at the thought of it and made his way to checkout. There he had chosen to stand behind a woman that looked like she was nearly ready to go crazy. Two crying toddlers stomping around in the shopping cart and screaming at the top of their lungs.

Looking at his phone he thought about sending you a message that kids were the worst, but he didn't want you to know he'd stopped. The gifts were meant to be a surprise after all. He couldn't help but listen to the conversation happening before him as time ticked by.

“I'm sorry ma’am, that's still not enough.” the cashier frowned as the mother dug inside her purse for change.

“What if we remove the chicken? So it would just been the rice and vegatables.”

“I can pay for her order. All of it.” Hoseok stepped forward placing his things on the conveyor. “Just add my two items to her order and I can pay for it.”

“Oh, please sir…”

“It's not a handout, there's no need to look so ashamed. It's a gift between friends. Feed your boys well tonight. They're growing after all.” He smiled as tears built in the woman's eyes.

“Thank you.” She whispered, trying not to breakdown in front of her kids. He handed the change from the cashier to the woman who tried and failed to deny it from the persistent Hoseok.

Feeling good, better than good, he made his way back to his sleek, silver, sports car. As he made his way to you he thought about all the choices he'd made that had brought him here and how happy he was with his decisions. Maybe he was running late and going down the road with more potholes than the other but it was worth it. You were worth it to him.

He was nearly to your place when someone else's choices that day changed everything. A delivery driver that had chosen to have an extra drink with dinner. Who chose to take off down the road instead of sleeping it off in the cab of his truck. Who chose to flip through the stations on his radio rather than look up to see the red light. Whose choices brought him crashing into the silver sports car that was on its way to you.

~~~

Downtown always seemed so busy, so alive, especially on a friday night. People out celebrating having survived the work week, couples on dates, college kids looking for a party so they could avoid any weekend assignments until Sunday. The people were often rowdy and loud, the traffic most times louder. Movie theaters were packed and lines at all the best restaurants took longer than the movies lasted. Despite all of that, it had been a really wonderful second date so far. At least that’s what you’d been thinking about as Loey walked you down the sidewalk with his magnificently long arm over your shoulder, talking enthusiastically about the movie you’d just seen together.

“...but, anyway, that’s why I had really wanted to see that one. And I know it wasn’t really your thing, so I appreciate you going with me.” he was saying as you brought yourself back to the conversation. “Did you at least like it though?”

“Umm,” you released a heavy puff of air, “I mean, it was...nice. I liked most of it. There were a lot of, um…”

“Boobs.” he said with a nod, “Yeah, I’m sorry about that. I swear I didn’t know. I wasn’t trying to like… set any moods.”

You laughed at his genuine nervousness, “It’s okay, I’m not upset. It was just an observation.”

“Well if you were upset and you’re just being sweet about it now, dinner will more than make up for it.” he beamed, “I got us a reservation at the best restaurant. It’s so popular right now, I’m amazed I got us in.”

Your blood prickled in your veins just slightly and you looked at your surroundings. You’d gotten so lost in your thoughts on the walk from the theatre. With his arm around you, you hadn’t even needed to pay attention to where you were walking. The street you were on was familiar, one you’d successfully avoided for months. Your old favorite coffee shop, your old favorite jewelry store, your old favorite bookshop. Everything you’d given up for fear of not having enough restraint to not walk into the restaurant you were walking towards right now. The one with a line of people outside the door, waiting enthusiastically for their chance to experience the best french fusion cuisine in the entire city. The sign above the door, gilded script on dark wood, read La Boucherie. Though to you it might as well have read Turn Back Now in bright, blinking neon lights.

“You don’t seem excited.” Loey said looking down at you with a lopsided pout, “You didn’t happen to go vegan since our last date, did you?”

“No, no.” you shook your head and plastered on your best smile, “This is great. I’ve heard really wonderful things.”

“We can go somewhere else.” he was a puppy, always so eager to please.

You grabbed his face in your hands and forced his big doe eyes to meet yours, “It’s fine. I don’t care where we go as long as it’s together. Also I just want to eat so...”

He clutched at his chest dramatically, “You really are after my heart.”

Once inside the restaurant you tried to keep breathing. Your belly was in knots and you weren’t sure how you were going to stomach a meal with your nerves twisted so tight. There was sweat beading at your hairline by the time the hostess sat you down, but you kept your smile on your face. If he was going to see you here, you were going to look happy. Happy without him.

By the main course you had calmed down quite a bit. Your table was in the main dining area and you knew that on weekends, since they were so busy, he would be working the bar. There hadn’t even been a glimpse of him all night, and the conversation with Loey was going really well. Your stomach aching from laughter rather than nerves. By the time the two of you were sitting, waiting for dessert and after dinner coffee to arrive, you had forgotten where you even were. You hadn’t thought about it at all when you excused yourself to go to the restroom. The restroom that was next to the bar. You’d even made it in and out without a hassle. It was only when you’d walked out of the restroom that your eyes fell behind the redwood bar top. You’d frozen, your heels jammed into some invisible cement, and you weren’t entirely sure you were still breathing either.

Four mirrored panels lined the wall behind the bar reflecting the packed tables, shelves on either side of the mirrors were lined with bottles of the top shelf brands that were offered. Everything else was well stocked, and well hidden, behind the bar itself. It was a sleek look and one you’d always found aesthetically pleasing.

The man behind the bar you’d used to find pleasing as well. His black hair was disheveled. The way you’d used to like, bangs swept across his forehead. They had clearly been busy all night. He had the sleeves of his white button up rolled up to his elbows, showing off the veins in his hardworking forearms. He was helping a customer who had apparently said something funny because you found yourself blinded by his incredible smile. Very suddenly you felt sick.

Honestly, standing there you weren’t sure if you were pissed off or aroused at the sight of him, which only left you more frustrated and flustered than before. After watching him for far too long you remembered Loey and found the strength to leave. At least the strength to get to where the bar met the dining area. It was there you hesitated. You were already here and if you could help it you were never coming back, you’d reasoned with yourself. You would only have this one opportunity to say your peace until you never saw him again. After a deep breath you marched over to an open space at the bar and looked at him expectantly.

He was helping someone new at this point but he noticed you immediately. His smile grew bigger than before and he held up a finger to let you know he’d be with you in a moment. You scowled slightly, having been trying to look angry but wondering if maybe you’d come off as happy to see him. He was either happy to see you or just being his generally happy self. When he was done at the other side of the bar he pushed his sleeves back up and moved over to where you were standing.

“Hey, what can I get for you?” he asked, dark brown eyes sparkling as they looked you over.

“I don’t want anything.”

A smug smirk spread across his face, “Oh, just came over to see me? I’m flattered.”

“Don’t be.” you snapped, “I just wanted to tell you, I’m here on a date. It’s going really well and I really like him. So I might have sex tonight...with him.”

His eyes went wide with surprise and he laughed, looking both amused and confused by your declaration. “I-I’m...that’s great? Congratulations.”

“I’m really happy now. I wanted you to know how happy I am.” you felt your confidence waiver the longer you stood in front of him. “So that’s why I came over here. To let you know I’m fine, better than fine.”

“Well I am happy you’re happy. I guess.” he nodded casually.

“Yeah, and no thanks to you.”

“Wh- I...I’m sorry. Do we know each other? You seem really mad at me.” he said finally just needing some clarification over this bizarre conversation.

“Seriously?” you scoffed, unsure how much longer you could hold up because you were pretty sure this man was trying to break your heart for a second time. “Are you joking? What...are we pretending like we never happened now? You just moved all the way on from me.”

“I...I’m so sorry. I wish I knew what you were talking about. If we had spent time together, that’s definitely something I would have wanted to remember.” he looked genuinely sorry, which made no sense to you. You weren’t crazy.

“Spent time together?” your jaw dropped to the floor, “I know we weren’t exactly dating but I thought we at least… You know what? Forget it. Just, I don’t know, go fuck yourself, Hoseok.”

You didn’t even give him the chance to process your words before turning on your heel and leaving. You were already almost in rage tears when you’d gotten back to the table. Loey’s smile instantly fading at the sight of you and turning into concern. After apologizing profusely you grabbed your things and begged him to stay and enjoy dessert, promising to call him when you were home. He was incredibly confused but you’d made it clear you needed, and very much wanted to be alone.

You made it out to the curb before the first tears hit and you threw your jacket on before starting down the sidewalk. Behind you there was someone calling for you to stop. Looking over your shoulder you could see it wasn’t Loey, it wasn’t anyone familiar at all so you kept going. You weren’t in the mood for being sexually harassed tonight. He was not relenting, once you passed the second building with him still on your tail you reached into your purse and wrapped your hand around the mace you kept.

“Ma’am! Miss! Please, stop. Ma’am. Jesus Christ, would you stop?” he called behind you.

Finally nearing the end of the block, tears streaking your cheeks, you whipped around furiously. “Listen, you fucking creep, I am clearly not interested. And the fact that you’re chasing after a vulnerable, sobbing mess of a woman really goes to show what kind of sick predator you truly are. Now step back before I mace you until you are forever blinded.”

“Wow…” he said, raising his eyebrows and taking several steps back “Are you done? I’m not trying to fuck you, okay? I saw you in the bar talking to Hoseok. Are you friends with him?”

You calmed slightly, but just barely. “I thought, at the very least, but apparently I wasn’t anything to him but forgettable.”

“Um… okay.” the stranger placed his hands together in front of his mouth, trying to decide the best way to say whatever it was he was going to say. “Here’s the thing. Hoseok was in a really bad car accident. He doesn’t remember most of the last six years of his life.”

“What?” you asked, unsure of what else to even say.

“I know it sounds... nuts. I don’t know what you know about memory loss, but they said he has post-traumatic amnesia. His is a hefty cocktail of retrograde amnesia and short term memory loss.” he shrugged, “The guy doesn’t even remember he was in an accident most days.”

“Fuck,” you muttered looking over this complete stranger, “You are the most legit wingman that has ever existed, but you can go back to your friend and let him know I’m over it. I’m over him.”

“No, listen, seriously! This isn’t some joke. The only reason he remembers who I am is because we’ve been best friends since grade school. I swear on my life, if you come back tomorrow, he won’t even remember tonight happened.”

With your heart pounding against your chest, your first thought was to wonder if he’d really been in some horrible accident. Your second was how you hadn’t been there for him if he was. Tears threatened the backs of your eyes once more and you took a deep breath.

You were pretty sure you knew the answer before the question left your mouth, but you had to ask anyway to be certain. “When was it? The accident...what was the day?”

Before he even got the date out all the way, you knew it was the night Hoseok was supposed to be coming to see you. It had been over a year but that day stuck with you like it had been one of the worst days of your life. It was the beginning of the first time you’d ever had your heartbroken.

Closing your eyes, a few tears fell down your cheeks. It was a lot to take in if it was true. If it was true that meant that he hadn’t intentionally hurt you. You exhaled deeply, “Thank you... for telling me. I have to go.”

You had already turned your back to him, more than ready to leave, when he said “Are you yeosin?”

“Excuse me?” you asked looking over your shoulder.

“Did Hoseok ever call you yeosin?”

This time you turned all the way back around as you thought back to one of the last times you’d been together.

Postcoital cuddling in his bed, tangled up in the sheets together. He’d been petting your hair, keeping you in a staring contest. Prolonged eye contact was his favorite game to play with you because it never took long for you to get too flustered to even look at him and he reveled in it. You could be anywhere. In bed or out to eat, alone or in a crowded room, it didn’t matter. He’d touch you, something small. Petting your hair, his thumb rubbing circles on your hip, running his foot against yours. Then he’d lock eyes with you and smirk while your stomach got tied up in knots, your core covered in warm honey. The easiest way to get you in the mood.

“Damn it, Hoseok!” you’d whined and then laughed, blushing as you’d finally looked away.

He’d only laughed, pulling you closer, and you’d sunk comfortably into the warmth of him, “Oh yeosin, maybe one day.”

“Why do you call me that?” you’d asked pushing his bangs off his forehead.

“Yeosin?” you’d nodded, and he’d smiled, “Because for me, that’s what you are.”

You’d rolled your eyes at his response, “That doesn’t make any sense. I’m not even your girlfriend.”

“You’re more than that. You’re my goddess, my queen.”

When you came back from the memory, his friend was still looking at you expectantly. You shook your head, “It doesn’t matter. I really need to go now.”

“Please, it does matter! If you ever cared about him at all...please, just please come back tomorrow.”

You sighed, “Maybe.”

“Okay! Maybe, I’ll take a maybe over a no.” he sounded genuinely excited, “My name is Minhyuk. Come straight to the bar tomorrow. I’ll look for you. We can talk.”

~~~

La Boucherie. You’d stood in front of the restaurant window for twenty minutes. Just eyeing the curl and flow of the cursive gold lettering that matched the lettering on the sign over the door. You weren’t even sure why you had come. Still not even positive this wasn’t some insane ruse. All day, and most of the night, you had debated on whether or not to actually show up. It would have been easy to go back and forth for the rest of your life contemplating whether or not you believed the validity of the story you were told. One thing you knew for sure though, for the last year of your life Hoseok had stayed on your mind. And even after months of anger and pain, seeing him had still made your heart race at a different pace than any of the other guys you’d tried being with after him. So you couldn’t help but think that it would be worth it to find out. For closures sake, you’d justified to yourself.

Saturday at the restaurant was just as bad as Friday or worse maybe, you’d thought walking into the thick crowd of people at the door. You told the hostess you were there to see Minhyuk and she waved you into the bar area. He was there, like he’d said, and as enthusiastic as ever. When he looked up to see you his face lit up like a kid on Christmas morning. At least someone remembered you. He made you your drink of choice and practically begged you to stick around until he got a free moment to sneak away. You sat at the bar, sipping on your drink and scrolling through your phone. Minhyuk came by often to check up on you and make sure you didn’t need anything. He even made sure someone brought you an appetizer on the house. Nearly every time he passed he thanked you again for being there and for staying.

“You’re not flirting with him are you?”

You had just lifted your drink to your lips for a sip and had to actively try not to choke at the sound of his voice. You eyed him through the mirror behind the bar. He was smiling, head quirked slightly as he looked at the back of your head, waiting for you to notice him.

Dabbing your mouth with a cocktail napkin you turned to look at him. “Excuse me?”

“The bartender. You’re not flirting with him are you?” he asked and leaned against the bar between you and the guy who had been on the stool next to you.

He was so close you weren’t sure you could speak. You put your glass down slowly. “What would it matter to you if I was?”

“It’s none of my business. I know that. I just think there is something inherently wrong with the most beautiful woman in this entire building flirting with him. I felt a moral obligation to object. I say all of this with love, mind you, the guy’s my best friend.”

You placed your hand over your mouth to try and hide your smile, but the blush was already creeping over your cheeks and up your neck. He was a meal standing right in front of you. Tight back jeans ripped over the muscles in his thighs, his white button down from the night before was replaced with a black one to match the jeans. You loathed how impossibly soft, and pink his lips looked as he pouted at you slightly. Not to mention the way he was staring at you like you were the only other person in the world, forget being just the most beautiful woman in the building.

It was unfair, if this was true, you thought to yourself. If he was really standing in front of you looking like that. You knowing how good it felt to kiss those lips and at one point having been able to kiss them whenever you’d wanted. To already know the feel of his hands on your body, but be expected to do nothing about it because if he truly did have amnesia you were certain that kissing him like you wanted to now would be some form of sexual harassment. Even if he wouldn’t remember it tomorrow. Maybe even worse that he wouldn’t remember it the next day.

You gulped, “Well, who would you suggest I flirt with then?”

He raised his hand to chest, “Wow, I’m so sorry. Was I not being as obvious as I thought I was being? Beautiful, you should be flirting with me.”

“Oh, you were definitely being obvious. I just wanted to hear you say it.” you smirked and brought your drink back to your lips.

“Good.” he held out his hand, “I’m Hoseok.”

You bit your lip, trying to read his face. Did he really not remember you? Even from last night when you’d kind of gone off on him? You placed your hand in his, the feeling was electric.

“I’m y/n.” you said a little awkwardly, thrown by having to introduce yourself to someone who knew you.

“Fitting, a beautiful name for a beautiful woman.” You suppressed an eye roll you would have given old Hoseok. “Would you mind if I sat with you for awhile?”

He still held your hand in his, his thumb rubbing gentle circles over the top. With your free hand you motioned to the now empty seat behind him. He sat down, keeping your hand, and once he was situated he locked eyes with you. It felt hard to breathe, he was the definition of breathtaking. You grew warm all over, like being showered in sunlight. Then you started to feel the all too familiar tug in your belly. The tiniest sigh fell from your lips as he continued to circle his thumb on the back of your hand. You turned away first, per usual. He chuckled lightly as you took a sip of your drink.

“Um,” you put your glass down, “The bartender...he’s your friend, you said?”

He nodded, “Best friend for many years.”

“How do you know him? Do you work here?”

“Actually, I own this restaurant. Him,” he nodded towards Minhyuk, “I met back when we were in school.”

“Oh,” you nodded. Pretending to be impressed by something you already knew was harder than you expected. “How long have you owned this place?”

“Almost six months.” he said confidently. There was a complete and total belief that what he’d said was the truth. It wasn’t. Hoseok had owned this restaurant for over seven years already.

“You’re sure we’ve never met?” you asked curiously.

“Absolutely positive. I could never forget a smile like yours. That way you blush...” he boldly brushed his thumb over your cheek, “I would never forget you.”

He stayed with you at the bar for some time playing with your hand as you tried to casually ask him questions about your past lives together. You focused on reading his face when he answered and it didn’t hurt that his face had always been one of your favorite views. You remained unsure if you were trying to catch him in a lie or were just amazed at the fact that he might have actually forgotten everything. On top of everything running through your head there was also something strangely exciting about sitting there experiencing him flirt with you again the way he had the very first time you met.

If you were being entirely honest with yourself you’d missed him. It had been so easy to be angry and to hate him when you hadn’t seen him for weeks. In your head he had turned into an evil demon monster. Having him sitting right in front of you smiling and laughing, being the sweet and funny Hoseok you remembered, it made you ache for him like you hadn’t done for months.

“Have you ever tried the curry place down on fourth avenue?” you asked. That was the place that you would always order takeout from together.

He shook his head, “No, actually I’ve never had curry before.”

He hadn’t tried curry before the two of you met, you knew that about him. Hoseok had pretty singular tastes and didn’t really stray from what he knew, but you were too adventurous to let that fly in your relationship.

“If you’re ever around there, you should go and try it. It’s really good. I think you’d like it a lot.”

“I actually live right down the road from there. We should go together.” he offered.

“Yeah I think I’d really like that.” you said with a tiny smile.

Sooner than you’d wanted he confessed he had to leave. There was work to be done and he’d already spent a lot of time fooling around with you. The two of you had talked through most of the dinner rush. Although you felt a little guilty, you wouldn’t have changed it. It worked out well anyway because almost as soon as Hoseok was gone Minhyuk had come over, ready to talk. He walked you around the corner, passed the bathrooms. There was a small room with what looked like a lot of backstock for the bar. Kegs of beer, crates of wine. Minhyuk emptied one of the crates and flipped it over, offering it to you as a place to sit.

“He doesn’t remember anything.” you said quietly, your eyes welled up with tears instantly, the weight of it finally sinking in now that Hoseok wasn’t around to distract you. “He doesn’t remember us at all.”

“It’s not just you.” Minhyuk said stuffing his hands in his pockets, “It’s really everything. He doesn’t remember his mom's passing. His brother’s wedding. Most days he struggles with the code to his apartment and there have been days when he couldn’t even find the apartment itself. I can’t express how hard this has been.”

“So what, you have to like babysit him?” you asked, “Does he really forget everything, everyday, like in the movies.”

“Basically. I was the only one who could really afford to pick up and leave everything else to be here for him. He was in a coma for almost seven months. I immediately took over the restaurant for him while he was out. When he woke up with the memory loss, I stuck around. He doesn’t question me being here because I actually worked with him when he first opened. Which is about where he is in his timeline, memory wise.” Minhyuk let out an exasperated sigh, “He’s mostly fully functioning now, but he does get confused. He picks up on little things here and there. Usually the more repetitive it is the better he is at remembering. Being back at work really helped. He’s been good at remembering small tasks and it’s stirred up some progress but he’s been at a bit of a standstill lately. The problem with just doing the same things over and over is there’s nothing new challenging him or stimulating his memory. ”

“How long will he be like this? Forever? Why did he regress so far back? Is that common?”

Minhyuk shook his head, “No, the doctor doesn’t think it’ll be forever, but there’s no real timeline. They don’t know why he went back so far, maybe the extent of the damage. Most people only forget until just before the accident. He, his doctor, said that a trigger would be helpful in getting him back but we hadn’t really been sure what that could be. That’s actually why I asked you to come back.”

Pushing himself off of the shelf he’d been leaning on, Minhyuk pulled a phone from his back pocket. The screen was cracked to hell and there were scratches covering every inch. Hoseok’s old phone.

He handed it to you. “You’re the only one he talked to consistently that wasn’t me or his brother. He knew both of us before that six year mark so we don’t really trigger anything new for him. We were thinking...you might be what he needs.”

“We?” you asked absentmindedly scrolling through his phone.

He’d had dozens of conversations but most of them were with vendors for the restaurant or employees requesting time off or reporting an absence.You’d always kind of thought he worked too hard, but you didn’t realize the extent of it. You didn’t realize that he didn’t have anything in his life outside of work, except you. The conversation at the top was yours. He had you in his phone as Yeosin, which you’d never known. The last message was from you to him.

If I ever see your face again, Hoseok, it’ll be too soon.

You gulped, ashamed and embarrassed at how hateful you sounded in your last messages to him. For weeks after the accident, when you thought he’d just been ghosting you. You looked up at Minhyuk ready to explain. To apologize and swear up and down that you weren’t this person.

He shrugged, “You didn’t know.”

Next you scrolled through his photos. It felt a little like an invasion of privacy but you couldn’t help yourself. It was like learning parts of him he’d kept from you before and it was fascinating. You saw his brother at different holidays and special events. A fractured timeline of his niece through the years, from infant to toddler. Pictures of things for the restaurant like invoices, inventory, and what were probably pictures for insurance.

What surprised you was that most of his pictures were of you. Hoseok didn’t do social media, he didn’t really have time. He didn’t even run the media pages for the restaurant, he’d hired someone for that. That meant you’d never gotten to see all the pictures he’d taken of you, or realized just how many the two of you had together. Out to dinner, at different events, at home. There were cute ones, silly ones, sexy ones. An entire history of your relationship. You didn't realize you were crying until tears were splashing down on the cracked screen. You wondered if you had meant more to him than you realized and he’d just never told you. Then again it wasn’t like you’d ever told him what he meant to you either. Suddenly, you were incredibly worried you would never get the chance to know for sure.

“Um, we?” you asked again wiping your face clean and handing him back the phone.

“His brother, me, the doctor.” he said, “We would have tried to get ahold of you right when it happened, but we didn’t even know about the phone until he woke up. It had been lodged in the car, they put in a box with all the other stuff they salvaged. We hadn’t even thought to open it until we realized we needed to trigger his memory. By that time...”

You let out a small laugh, “I had changed my number. I’m so sorry. Have you tried just showing him the phone?”

“Yeah, a couple times. He just got weird and cried a lot. It didn’t really help.” he shrugged, “We think you could help though. You knew him the best during the last few years. I, we, really think you could be what brings him back.”

Thinking about the man outside this room with his beautiful smile and lingering gaze, you knew there was only one option. You looked up at Minhyuk and nodded, “What can I do? I’ll do anything.”

~~~~

It was simple really. All you were asked to do was come around and see him. Come see him and let him see you. That’s what you did and you did it often. Four times a week that first month. At first it was going to the restaurant, hanging out at the bar or eating a meal alone, waiting to see if he would notice you. He did, every time without fail, notice you. Each time he would come over to where you were and confidently make a pass at you. He would offer to comp your meals and buy you drinks. Several times he’d asked for your number. You’d have to tell Minhyuk so he could go back later and delete it, knowing it would be tough to explain why you were in his phone already the next time he asked you for it.

After weeks had gone by and you’d reintroduced yourself to Hoseok for the twentieth time, you and Minhyuk decided you needed to try something else. The two of you started manufacturing casual run-ins. He’d find out where Hoseok was going to be or ask him to come out with him somewhere and tell you where to go. Grocery stores were easy locations and so were coffee shops. You’d always get a little nervous because it was so uncertain how he’d react. The restaurant was more controlled and he was always so confident there. When he saw you anywhere else he seemed almost shy and would really work for it. It was so brand new to you to see him struggle a little.

At the grocery store he’d follow behind you for awhile, gathering courage. Usually if you stood for a while pretending to read the backs of boxes he’d make his way over, pretending to need something in front of you as a way to break the ice. Coffee shops usually meant him sitting somewhere in your line of sight. He’d make big movements to try and catch your attention. Pushing out his chest, stretching out his arms, subtle flexing that left you biting your lip to keep from laughing at how ridiculous of a flirt he was. He’d test the waters by matching your gaze over the tops of his glasses until you were blushing and flustered. Then he’d come over to your table and sit down with a pleased smile offering to refresh your drink.

Everytime, no matter where you were, like a moth to a flame he would find you. At first it was the best feeling in the world. It warmed you every time he’d find you. Everytime you were in a room full of people and the first thing he noticed was you. Everytime he would find a new way to get your attention, introduce himself to you, and flirt with you made you fall a little bit more for him. Then, slowly, it became the worst feeling. It was bitter for you because even though there was clearly something there, you were stuck. You were falling deeper in love with him than you’d ever been with anyone else. You learned and relearned every part of him, and all he ever wanted was your name. It got harder and harder for you to “meet” him, feeling so hopeless, knowing it was all for nothing. Desperate for a break you’d been avoiding messages and calls from Minhyuk for days.

Too frustrated by everything you just wanted a step back. A moment of your life where Hoseok’s face wasn’t the only thing you saw or the only thing you thought about. Work was turning out to be a decent distraction for that. Especially as there was a big opening at the art gallery you worked for in the upcoming weeks that you were busy preparing for. You were actually on the phone with the caterers for the event when you heard the chime of the door opening.

“I told Bianca when we spoke last week that it was eight hundred. Minimum.” you said calmly looking up from your paperwork to the visitor. You placed your hand over the mouth of the phone before saying “I’ll be with you in just a moment.”

Everything stopped as you caught sight of him. He may have had his back to you but that didn’t change the fact that you knew it was him. There was a black beanie pulled over his hair and his ears and he was wearing a leather jacket over a pair of light jeans. There was no reason for you to know it was him from where you were positioned but you did with one hundred percent certainty. You sunk down behind the front desk and took several deep breaths. There had been no plans made with Minhyuk for this, you didn’t even remember telling him where you worked. He had never once told you to expect this.

“Ma’am, hello?” you could hear the woman from the catering company on the phone, “Are you still there?”

“Oh my god,” you hissed into the receiver, “can you please give me a minute. I need a minute.”

You grabbed your cellphone off the desk and pulled it into your lap bringing up the conversation you had with Minhyuk.

You 1:15 pm: Are you here?

It took a minute for you to see the bubble pop up with its three little dots. Or it might have been seconds, but time got strange when you weren’t functioning properly.

Min 1:16 pm: ...where?

You 1:16 pm: At my work.

You 1:16 pm: Min

You 1:16 pm: Did you send him here?

You 1:16 pm: How do you know where I work?

You 1:16 pm: Min

You 1:17 pm: Min

You 1:17 pm: EXPLAIN PLEASE

Min 1:17 pm: Who

Min 1:17 pm: Wtf r u talking about??

Min 1:17 pm: I’m at the restaurant

Min 1:17 pm: haven’t heard from u in a week...

You looked up again to see that he had moved near the back of the gallery, still just observing the art. You could see now that he was wearing his tight maroon sweater under the jacket and your eyes went wide, he looked so good there was no way this wasn’t a trap.

You 1:18pm: Ho! Seok! Hoseok is at my work right now!

The bubble appeared and disappeared four different times and then…

Min 1:19pm: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

You 1:19pm: You’re a dead man Lee Minhyuk.

After the message sent you slammed your phone down on the desk and picked up the cordless phone for the gallery.

“Are you still there?” you asked hurriedly.

“Yes…”

“Okay, I’m going to have to call you back. Something super urgent came up, a fire to put out. I will call you back as soon as I can.” the woman on the other end sounded upset but you didn’t have the time to concern yourself with it.

You stood up and smoothed out your skirt before inconspicuously slipping back into the heels you’d kicked off under the desk. After several deep breaths you walked over to where he was standing. He’d been looking at a tall, nearly ten foot tall, narrow painting that you’d had in the gallery forever. He’d seen it before. He used to come in all the time to pick you up from work or to take you to lunch. When this painting came in originally he’d looked it over for a long time and said

“You’re never going to sell this.” you blinked at the Hoseok standing in front of you now, a sincere wave of deja vu crashing over you. He looked over at you and smiled, “I mean, not that I think you’re a bad salesperson it’s just who has the kind of space for it?”

It took an excruciatingly long moment for you to reply as he stood there looking at you, waiting. “Not the first time I’ve heard that. Um, unfortunately you’re not wrong. It’s been hard to move to say the least.”

“If I had somewhere to put it, I’d take it off your hands.” Not the first time you’d heard that either. He reached out his hand, “I’m Hoseok.”

“Hi Hoseok, I’m y/n. Did you need help finding something?” you asked tugging your lip between your teeth.

He shook his head, “No. I actually was just going to get lunch. I liked the way the door looked, thought I’d come inside.”

“The door… of the building?”

“Weird, right? I saw it and it just felt...familiar? Just felt like I’d been wanting to come in here for awhile, and I had the time so here I am.” he grinned. “Do you know any good places to eat around here?”

That earned him a suspicious look. He lived maybe a handful of blocks away from here and you knew his favorite ramen shop was about two streets over. “What are you hungry for?”

“What would you want? If you were going to lunch with me, what would you be hungry for?” he asked.

You crossed your arms over your chest and thought about it, “Anything I want?”

He nodded, “Anything at all.”

“Curry.” you said with a smirk waiting for a groan or a request for something else.

He made a bit of a face and then smiled, “Okay. Let’s go then.”

“What?” you asked surprised.

“Come get lunch with me.” he shrugged as if it was no big deal to ask someone you’d known for five minutes out to lunch.

“That’s bold of you. Anyway, I’m at work.” you said and looked around the empty gallery, “Alone. I can’t just leave.”

He hummed thoughtfully, “How long? How long until you’re not alone?”

“Could be hours.” you lied and looked down at your watch. Your coworker should actually have been back from her lunch twenty minutes ago.

“I’ll wait then.” he said clasping his hands behind his back and moving on to the next piece of art.

You couldn’t move, you just watched him as he walked around the gallery. Never once did he look back at you. He didn’t need to, he’d already seen the incredulous look that you’d had frozen on your face. Finally, after taking way too long to respond once again, you walked over to where he had stopped this time.

“Why would you wait that long just to have lunch with a stranger?” you asked.

He turned to you with a small smirk on his lips, “I think you’re pretty. I also thought it was cute, the way you were trying to hide behind your desk when I came in. So I’d like to have a meal with you. Also I’ve never had curry before. I wouldn’t know the first thing about what to order, I’ll need you to come with me to tell me what’s best.”

You scoffed, “You think you’re so charming, don’t you?”

“What, you disagree?” he laughed.

“I didn’t say that.” you blushed and looked away.

You both turned at the sound of the chime for the front door to see your coworker scurrying in. Big sunglasses on her face, big purse on her shoulder, and big phone against her ear. She had a finger raised as if to shush you before you even thought to say anything. The two of you watched her go around the desk to drop her bag off and then click clack her way to the restroom without even so much as a hello.

“Well would you look at that?” he said, “You’re not alone anymore.”

You opened your mouth to say something but thought better of it and ended up just rolling your eyes, much to his amusement. When Mina returned from the restroom she had her sunglasses on the top of her head and was just pulling her phone from her ear.

“Hey, Y/n! Soooo sorry I’m late. We had italian for lunch. I had too many bellinis and honestly the service was terrible. It’s not really even my fault I’m late.” She looked up at you finally and her eyes went wide, “Oh. My. God. Is that H-”

“Hey!” you shouted enthusiastically, “Hey, Mina. Mina...hey! Can I talk to you?”

“Sure,” she said eyeing Hoseok as you hurried over to the desk where she was standing. When you arrived she leaned in and said, “That is Hoseok, right?”

“Yes,” you said quietly.

“I can’t really blame you for going back to him, he looks…” she ran her tongue across her lip as she looked over at him. “So good.”

You sighed, “We’re going to go to lunch, so I’ll be gone for a little bit.”

She raised a dramatic eyebrow. “Oh, you think you’ll be coming back to work after. That’s so cute.”

“Mina! Please, it’s just lunch.”

“Just lunch...with that man? I don’t think so, y/n.” she said waving over at Hoseok and he nodded kindly in return, “Yeah, leave your panties here, you won’t be needing them where he’s taking you.”

“Anyway…” you said and grabbed your purse off of the desk, “I’ll be back. Hoseok, let’s go.”

He hurried to the front where you were and went to open the door for you.

“I won’t hold my breath!” Mina called in a song song as you made your way outside.

Lunch with Hoseok had been amazing. At several points you’d questioned why you had ever wanted space from him in the first place. You also realized you’d gotten so good at feigning interest in the things he’d repeatedly told you about himself as first meeting banter. The best part by far had been something new. It had been ordering Hoseok his favorite dish from the restaurant and watching his face explode in delight at the very first bite. He made you laugh so hard your cheeks ached and the two of you ate so much you thought you’d never have to eat again as long as you lived.

Afterwards he asked if you wanted to take a walk with him or if you had to go back to work right away. You didn’t want to prove Mina wrong so you sent her a quick message to let her know you wouldn’t be back that afternoon. You also found a message from Minhyuk swearing he had nothing to do with it, which you ignored. Hoseok walked the two of you down the street to the park that was across from his apartment building. You walked and talked down the bike path and around the small duck pond and then back up again. Finally you begged for the chance to sit down.

Your work heels weren’t meant for leisurely strolls, and you’d become worried they were filling with blood. Though truth be told, if he’d wanted to you would have kept walking for miles, but you were grateful that you didn’t have to. You were grateful he had found an unoccupied bench for the two of you to share. You sat there for some time, at one point the wind picked up and he threw his jacket over your shoulders to make sure you were comfortable enough to stay with him a little longer.

“I’m really glad I walked into your work today.” he said moving a few stray hairs away from your face. The lights in the park started to turn on as the sun neared setting.

“Me too.” you agreed watching his tongue brush over his lips. This, you’d thought to yourself, would be a good moment for him to kiss you. If he didn’t you imagined you might scream out of frustration.

The two of you sat there for a little while longer, just watching each other. It didn’t have quite the intensity of his staring game, but it still left knots in your stomach. Your whole body was vibrating as you caught him eyeing your mouth. He gulped lightly and it felt like this was it. So you sat still as a statue as he leaned in, worried you might scare him off if you made any sudden movements. He was so close, nose brushing lightly against yours close. Then he pulled away.

“I’m so sorry.” he shook his head, “I don’t know why I did that. We just met, that was really out of line. I apologize.”

You sat quietly for a minute. All of your sexual frustration threatening to boil over. Little white bubbles stacking up beyond your capacity, staying put by nothing more than the grace of god. Looking at his face you knew you couldn’t yell at him, despite the urge to that was tugging at your chest. It wasn’t his fault, he didn’t know, but this wasn’t your fault either. It wasn’t fair for anyone.

“I can’t do this anymore.” you sighed and stood up, “I can’t.”

“Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

“I just can’t, Hoseok. I’m so sorry.” you said through trembling lips as you pulled his jacket off your shoulders.

He took the jacket from you reluctantly, “It was a mistake, I won’t try it again. We don’t have to do anything, I promise I didn’t expect anything from you. I just wanted to spend time with you.”

“That’s the problem!” you groaned in frustration, he probably already thought you were crazy. You thought you might as well get it all out so he could go to bed and forget any of it happened. “I know it’s not your fault, but you can’t possibly understand how hard it is for me to be falling so desperately in love with a man that never remembers who I am! I don’t get to kiss you or touch you like I want, like I was used to. Every day it’s like you’re meeting me for the first time and you would never want to spend time with a girl that desperate that she begs for your physical attention after the first five minutes of meeting her.”

“I…” it was clear he was already confused by everything you were saying but it was too late, you just had to get it out.

“No, I’m not done.” you said lifting your finger, “Because now it’s so much more than that. It’s more than kissing you and holding you. It’s the inside jokes that you’re on the outside of. It’s the memories that you can’t remember and feeling like maybe I made all of it up. Maybe I made us up. Worst of all...worst of all, it’s knowing in the back of my mind that maybe before all of this you could have fallen in love with me too. I could have made you love me and now I can’t even get you to remember me.”

“I don’t...I don’t know what to say.”

“No, I know. I know.” you sniffed and smiled weakly, “I’m going to kiss you. Is that okay?”

He didn’t know why it felt right but he nodded, “Yeah.”

You grabbed his face in your hands and pulled his mouth to yours. It felt so good to have his soft, full lips against yours. He pulled you close, letting you sink into his chest. It was bittersweet. Kissing him again was exactly what you remembered it could be, but that only reminded you how much it hurt to not have it all the time. You left a quick peck of a kiss and pulled back.

“I’m gonna leave. Um, I’ll call Minhyuk and let him know.” You ran your hand over his chest with a sigh, “I’m really, I’m really sorry I wasn’t...strong enough for this. I hope you get to remember.”

“Minhyuk?” he asked still dazed and very much confused, “You know Minhyuk?”

“Yeah, you should call him. He can explain everything.” you grabbed your purse off the bench and slipped on your shoes. Hoseok didn’t know what else to do but stand there and watch you. Everything you had confessed, the kiss, and his feelings on all of it still processing very slowly. When you were ready you leaned up one last time and kissed his cheek, “I really do love you, Hoseok. I wish you could remember that.”

~~~

It was lucky for you that it was the start of your weekend because when you got home and sunk into your pajamas you knew that you’d have been useless if you were forced to try doing anything beyond laying in bed watching sappy romance movies and eating ice cream a gallon at a time. You called Minhyuk to try and explain why you couldn’t do it anymore through hefty sobs but he wasn’t understanding anything you said. You ended up just texting him something of an essay that didn’t make much more sense than your verbal ramblings but you’d figured you’d tried your best and it’s all you could do.

It made you incredibly frustrated, mad, and just generally upset that you had to get over Hoseok for a second time. Part of you wished you’d never seen him again, that you didn’t know about the accident. That you hadn’t spent the last couple of months fruitlessly trying to help him get his memory back. Mostly you just wished that he would come back to you.

Sunday morning you woke up fairly early. You showered and got ready for the day like a normal human being, and made your way down the street to the grocery store. The pretense was that you were going to pick up some vegetables and fruit, something sustainable. Part of you knew all along that you were just going to get more ice cream. As you walked up the sidewalk to your apartment building you saw a familiar face. You shifted your bag of groceries in your arm as you watched Hoseok, wondering what he was doing there.

“Seriously, Minhyuk…” you muttered under your breath.

Hoseok looked completely lost, just slowly spinning around in a circle like he was looking for something specific. As you got closer to him, he stopped. You could see his Adam’s apple bob in his throat with a gulp and you wondered for the briefest moment if maybe he remembered you, if you were the something specific he’d been looking for. You kept his gaze, half expecting him to say something to you. Instead his cheeks grew a shy blush and he looked away as you passed him. Maybe not. The fact that he didn’t say anything to you only made you more curious as to why he was there if it really wasn’t for you. You walked up the few steps of the stoop and tried to juggle your groceries as you dug into your purse for your keys.

“Do you need some help?”

Even though you knew he was there, his voice still took you by surprise. You looked over your shoulder and smiled, “No, thanks. I got it.”

“Okay.” He smiled back lightly and shoved his hands in his pockets before walking down the sidewalk a little ways.

Once you got yourself inside you stopped to grab your mail. You could still see him from your mailbox, wandering around aimlessly. He looked like a sad, lost puppy and all the frustration you’d felt start to dissipate yet again. You let out a long deep sigh as you realized that it was never going to be over for you, not when it came to him.

Leaving your groceries on the shelf in front of the mailboxes you walked over to the door and pushed it open. “Do you need help with something?”

Hoseok spun around with a bright smile on his face. “I don’t know.”

Your eyebrows knit together in confusion. “What?”

“Um…” he looked around the street once more and then jogged the short way to your stoop. “I don’t know what I’m doing here. You ever get the feeling you’re supposed to be somewhere but once you get there you’re not sure what you’re there for?”

“Literally never...done that” You laughed.

“I know it sounds crazy.” He shook his head and looked back up at you, meeting your gaze but this time with more confidence. “I woke up this morning and I knew that I had to be here, that it was important that I come here.”

You gulped, “Like right here, to this spot?”

“I didn’t know, not it first. It was more general. I’ve been walking around this neighborhood all morning and then when I got to this street I just knew I was close and then I got to that light post over there and...can’t figure out where I’m supposed to go. But I know this is approximately where I need to be. I haven’t been able to figure out why. It feels familiar but nothing looks familiar. Does that make sense?”

“Why did you feel like you needed to come here?” You asked leaning against the doorframe.

His smile faltered slightly. “I felt bad, I think. Guilty maybe, like I needed to make something right. My heads been weird lately. I thought I’d know when I got here.”

“Well…” you sighed, had he really come all this way to make up with you without even knowing it? Or were you just reading too far into it? “If you’ve been outside all morning you should come in for awhile and warm up. You don’t want to get sick. I can make you some tea.”

“Really?” He asked, looking thrilled at the idea, “You’d do that for a stranger?”

You let out a small laugh, “Yeah...I’d do that for a stranger. Come on, I’m letting all the hot air out.”

“Thank you. Thank you so much.” he said slipping inside of the building. He watched as you got your mail, you’d been too distracted by him to do it before. Then he snatched up your bag of groceries before you could, “I’ll carry them. It’s the least I could do.”

“I guess, if you really want to.” you grinned walking over to the stairs.

“I’m Hoseok, by the way.”

You let out a little hum and nodded, “Nice to meet you, Hoseok. I’m y/n.”

Inside your apartment you brought the groceries to the kitchen and told Hoseok to make himself at home as you started the water for the tea. As you waited for the water to heat up you peeked around the corner of the kitchen and watched him as he scoped out your living room. He looked cozy in his old, oversized, black hoodie and a pair of gray sweatpants. You let yourself imagine, just for a moment, how nice it would be to get back into your pajamas and curl up on the couch with him. Luckily the whistle of your tea kettle woke you from your fantasy and you slipped back into the kitchen.

When you came back into the living room with the tea he was sitting in front of your record collection, flipping through the old vinyls. He looked up at you with a smile, “This is really cool.”

You handed him one of the cups and sat down on the floor with him, “It was mostly inheritance from my dad. I’ve picked up a handful here and there, but it was mostly his thing.”

“Can I put something on?” he asked hopefully.

“Sure.” you shrugged and while he flipped through the records you crawled over to the couch and started tossing throw pillows onto the floor in front of the record player.

After you crawled back over you laid on your back with your head on one of the pillows and closed your eyes. You weren’t entirely surprised when the first song started to play. It was one he’d played often when he came over to your place before. A well worn compilation of vintage soul songs, it had been your dads favorite record too. Hoseok laid down on his stomach, tucking a pillow under his chest, and held the tea you’d made in his hands.

When you opened your eyes he was looking down at you with a curious smile, “Is this okay?”

“This is really nice. I like it.” you nodded.

You watched him for awhile as he bobbed his head and moved his shoulders to the beat of the songs, taking sips every now and then of the tea in his hands. He looked happy and content. You thought to ask him what he was thinking about but didn’t want to bother him. When he was warm from the tea he moved his pillow so that he could rest his head on it. Then you watched each other quietly as the music played in the background.

“Did you ever figure out what you came here for?” you asked.

He smiled shyly and turned his face into the pillow for a second before looking back at you, “Yeah, I think I did.”

~~~

Minhyuk smirked when he saw you walk into the bar that evening. Without offering you a greeting he started making your usual drink as you found a seat.

“I see you changed your mind.” He said sliding the glass in front of you. “That didn’t last long at all.”

You gulped down a mouthful of the drink and placed your glass back on the bar. “Don’t boast, it doesn’t suit you.”

“What changed your mind?” He asked leaning against the bar top.

“Hoseok.” You answered simply.

“Speaking of, he’s not here tonight. He’s off today.”

“Yeah, I know. I saw him earlier. We spent a couple of hours together.” You cleared your throat, “That’s why I’m here to see you, we need to talk. Something is changing with him.”

“Something good or something bad?”

“Good. I think.” You said, “He came to me today.”

“He usually does make the first move.”

“No, he found me. I didn’t seek him out or make myself available to him somewhere. I got home from the store and he was standing in front of my apartment. He had no idea why he was there, but he came to me. If you really didn’t send him to my work like you say you didn’t, that means it’s the second time this week he’s done that.”

“Hold that thought.” he said and moved down the bar to the customer that had just sat down.

You wondered what it meant, if it was possible it meant that he was getting more memories back. How could he have known where to go if it weren’t for some subconscious memory trying to make its way to the surface. If that was the case then it meant there was finally a sliver of hope that you could hang onto and that’s all you’d really needed all along. A vision of a light at the end of the tunnel.

“Okay.” Minhyuk said sliding back over to you, “I want to get into the Hoseok thing, that’s important, but I also need you to clarify what the hell you were talking about the other day when you said you were done. Can you tell me now without crying? Hoseok seemed to think you were, I don’t know, the way he described it just sounded like you were horny, to be honest.”

Your cheeks burned red as he smirked at you. “No… that’s not… not exactly. I mean, okay, yes. I am… horny or whatever, but it was more than that. It is more than that. I have feelings for him and he can’t have feelings for me because he can’t even remember me. And yes, sometimes I want to kiss him and more-”

Minhyuk snorted, “Kiss him and more. Are you five?”

“Shut up.” you rolled your eyes, “I want more from him but everyday is the first day we’ve met for him and there’s no good way to try sleep with someone an hour after you’ve met.”

“You’ve spent all this time with him and never asked him to smash?”

“No!” you gasped, mortified, “Total time, yes we’ve spent a lifetime together, but he doesn’t know that. From his point of view every time we meet it’s the first time and it’s only for like three or four hours max. No one is just going to ask a stranger to have sex with them a few hours after they’ve met.”

He scoffed, fully amused at your assumption. “Uhhh, false. Guys will. Guys will have sex with women within minutes of meeting them.”

“You’re disgusting.”

“Men are disgusting and I’m a man, so you’re not wrong.” he shrugged and leaned against the bar. He knocked his knuckles against the wood rhythmically as he thought. “How many dates did you go on before you guys originally hooked up?”

“Well,” you flushed slightly. “It was...the first...date.”

He raised his eyebrows at you, “Then what’s the issue? Just make a move already.”

“It was different that day!” you argued. “We met early in the morning and ended up spending all day together. We were with each other for over twelve hours by the time we got to his place. So it was like we’d gone on three dates, just all at one time”

“Okay, then just do that again.” he said as if it was the obvious answer, “It’s not like we haven’t fabricated all of your other dates.”

“This one we can’t. The day we met we were both going to a festival. That’s why it worked out the way it did. It’s not like there are festivals happening all day everyday just because I need one.“

“Festival?” Minhyuk asked looking suspicious. “What kind of festival was this?”

“Just a music festival down by River Park.”

“Bullshit,” he laughed, “Hoseok would never go to a music festival. He hates that crap. He doesn’t even like to go to regular concerts. He thinks they’re a waste of time and money.”

“Well I don’t know what to tell you. He was there with me all day.”

“Who mentioned this festival first, you or him?” he asked, clearly not letting it go.

“I don’t know, it was like four years ago!” you said shaking your head, but then you realized you did remember. “It was me. I was wearing some dumb outfit and he said ‘looks like you’re going somewhere fun’ and I told him about the festival, it’s how we started talking actually.”

“Hoseok, you sly dog.” Minhyuk grinned, “I’d bet a million and a half dollars he didn’t even know about the festival until he met you.”

You shook your head in denial, “He had a ticket.”

“A ticket he could have purchased online, day of the event, using his phone?” your face scrunched in confusion. “It didn’t seem weird to you that he was going alone or not meeting anyone there?”

“Not at all, because I was going to go by myself before I met him that day.”

Minhyuk stopped and looked at you for a long while. It was like he was looking at you for the first time. You squirmed uncomfortably under his lingering gaze. You reached over the bar and grabbed an olive before throwing it at him. “Oh my god, what?

“I can’t believe it took me so long to realise it. It’s so clear, everything makes so much more sense now.”

“What is clear? Make your weird little brain make sense to me!” you complained.

“Hoseok was in love with you from day fucking one.” he chuckled to himself, “It’s why he always finds you. Subconsciously he has to remember. I knew, I knew all we needed was you. We just have to figure out what to do with it.”

“In love with me? Are you kidding? We weren’t even dating.”

“You went to dinner together. You watched movies together. You went to festivals together. You made him dinner and he bought you birthday presents. Oh, and you had sex regularly...What the hell do you call that?”

“Nothing!” you argued, “We didn’t call it anything. That was the point. We didn’t have time for dating and feelings. We were just friends with benefits.”

“Well.” Minhyuk sighed, “We learned two things today. One piece of good news, one piece of bad news.

“Yeah, what’s that?” you asked taking a drink.

“Bad news is you’re a totally useless idiot. Good news is I wasn’t the last one on earth to figure out you two were in fact dating and also in love with each other.”

You rolled your eyes yet again, your favorite thing to do when Minhyuk was around really, “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Get your head in the game, y/n!” he said reaching over the bar and dramatically strangling the the air in front of your neck, “He’s in love with you, you’re in love with him. Let’s figure out how to fix this mess!”

~~~

Your hands were shaking as you stood in line for coffee at your favorite cafe. It had taken Minhyuk all of ten minutes to come up with a plan and even though you weren’t sure it was going to work you also didn’t have any better ideas. It also wouldn’t hurt to try considering Hoseok would just forget by tomorrow if everything went to hell. He was standing in line ahead of you getting his coffee, his phone pressed between his shoulder and his ear. You said a silent prayer as he thanked the barista and turned around to leave.

“I’m literally right across the street. It doesn’t make sense for me to not come in today.” He was still on the phone, with who you knew was Minhyuk. As he got closer you took a deep breath and stepped to the side just a few inches. His shoulder crashed into yours. There was the sound of a splash and then he said, “Shit, Min. I gotta go.”

You turned towards him and touched his forearm lightly, “Oh my god, are you okay? I’m so sorry!”

He looked from your hand to your face where he stared for quite some time, just blinking at you. “No. Yeah! I’m fine, did I get you with my coffee?”

“Um,” you looked down at your outfit, “My shoes a little but that’s okay. I’m really sorry.”

“Please,” he shook his head, “It was entirely my fault. I was on my phone, not paying attention.”

“Even still, please let me get you another coffee. Do you have a minute to wait with me?”

Hoseok looked down at the phone in his hand, Minhyuk had said not to come in today, that he wasn’t needed. Looking back up at you he smiled, “Yeah. I have all day actually.”

“Awesome!” You beamed, “I’m going to go get something to clean this up with. Stay here for just a minute, save our place in line?”

“Of course.”

You let out a deep breath you didn’t realize you’d been holding as you stepped away. Phase one of Minhyuk’s plan was right on track.

According to Minhyuk phase one was equal to the first date. A “meet cute at the coffee shop” he’d called it. You were impressed at how everything had happened exactly like he said it would. After the mess was cleaned up and you bought Hoseok his new coffee you asked if he’d wanted to sit with you awhile and he was thrilled by the idea. Four hours of effortless conversation passed. Part of you didn’t even want to move on to phase two, you’d been so happy with how phase one was turning out. Even if you would have been fine joking around and laughing with him in that cafe for four more hours, you moved on with the plan.

Phase two, or date two, was the fall festival down at the park where the original music festival had been. Minhyuk had found out about it after thirty seconds of googling and made a terrible joke about how you’d been wrong when you said there weren’t festivals whenever you needed them. It wasn’t the same exact thing as your first first date, but it could still be a lot of fun if he agreed to it. You asked Hoseok if he’d heard about the festival and when he said no you asked, ‘even though you’d just met’, if he wanted to go check it out with you. He agreed immediately and the two of you walked down to River Park. A true gentleman, he bought your entrance ticket but you only let him do it after he promised to let you buy him a corndog.

For hours you walked around the festival. You did some people watching, lots of judging and even more laughing. You got on some sketchy looking festival rides and felt grateful every time you walked off of them in one piece. And you ate way too much fried food. Your latest culinary decision had been a pumpkin spice funnel cake and a hot chocolate. Hoseok drank hot apple cider while eating his second corndog of the day. His was a combination you couldn’t get behind entirely, but he seemed to be enjoying it and you loved to see the smile on his face.

As the two of you walked down the midway you tore a piece of your funnel cake and held it up to his mouth, “So good, try it.”

You bit your lip as he leaned forward and wrapped his lips around your fingers before sucking the treat into his mouth. He hummed as you pulled your hand away, “There’s so much delicious, horrible food here and I must eat it all. Why?”

“I don’t know,” you laughed, taking another bite, “Isn’t it the best?”

“Oh! Oh! Oh!” he pointed enthusiastically across the way from where you were standing to one of those balloon and dart games. “There. We have to go over there.”

You groaned, “Those are just money traps. Let’s go to the fun house!”

“After.” he said grabbing your wrist and pulling you across the crowded midway with determination.

Very politely he asked you to hold his apple cider and you obliged. He shoved the rest of his corndog in his mouth, and was standing with it bulging from his cheek as he dug out his wallet. You watched as he exchanged his cash for three darts. In a manner that was all too serious for you he took his stance. His tongue was sticking out of the side of his mouth as he eyed one of the balloons. One out of three balloons had popped, winning him a tiny plastic toy. Apparently that wasn’t what he wanted because he pulled out more cash from his wallet and exchanged it for more darts.

It was clear after sometime that you were not going to be leaving that game until he got whatever it was he was after. In the time it was taking you finished your funnel cake and neither of you had a drink left. You’d even left at one point to find a trash, found a clown making balloon animals and purchased a balloon crown. When you finally came back he was still going and you put the crown on his head and told him it was good luck. There was a growing pile in front of him of very cheaply made, small and medium toys. Things were getting tense as he was down to his last few bills.

“What are you even after?” you asked curiously as he received another bunch of darts.

“You’ll see.” he took his first shot, the dart bursting through a red latex balloon. He got the second one too, blue balloon bits exploding with a pop! With a contemplative sigh he looked over at you and asked very seriously, “Yellow or green?”

“Green.” you answered quickly and confidently.

He focused ahead and took a deep breath before throwing the last dart. The point of the dart blasted through the green latex balloon and you couldn’t help but scream out in excitement. You laughed as Hoseok turned and lifted you off the ground to spin you around.

“You did it!” you exclaimed as he put you back down.

“Great,” the carny said with much less enthusiasm. “Toad or bunny?”

“Bunny.” He smiled, leaving his arm around your hip as he waited for his prize.

Both of you watched as the carny grabbed his long hooked stick and hoisted it into the mess of stuffed toads and bunnies above his head. He gave it a little jiggle and the huge bunny in his little velvet vest with his tiny bowtie tumbled from the sky.

“All of this because you wanted a bunny?” You asked shaking your head.

“No.” He handed you the bunny and smiled, “I don’t need a bunny, I am a bunny. The bunny is for you so can take him home and think of me when you see him.”

Your mouth fell in awe and amusement. He was such an incredible flirt and you weren’t sure when you’d started taking that for granted. Giving the bunny a tight squeeze you remembered that he had in fact told you he was a bunny when you’d first met and that he’d said to be gentle with him. At the time you’d thought he was just joking, but you’d been learning more and more that despite his manly physique he was the softest, sweetest man you’d ever met.

“You’re keeping all of them?” You asked genuinely surprised as he scooped up the whole stack of smaller prizes in his arm.”

“No, not keeping them, but I did pay for them” he looked over at you and smiled, pleased by the way you were holding onto the stuffed bunny. “Fun house?”

As you made your way down the midway once more, headed towards the fun house, you watched him as he passed out his stack of prizes to kids he saw along the way until his arms were empty. When that was done he threw his freed arm over your shoulder and you blushed into your fluffy, oversized gift. Phase two - second date, was going flawlessly.

~~~

With your arms wrapped tightly around your bunny you stood face to face with Hoseok in front of the exit gates of the festival. People were swarming around you as they tried to leave. Broke teenage couples that spent too much money cheap trinkets and rides all day, parents with pink cheeked toddlers crashed out against their shoulders. You tugged your lip between your teeth, it was time to initiate phase three - date three.

“So…” you said slowly, this was the one you were least certain he’d agree to. “I know it’s late and we’ve already spent all day together. You’re probably tired of me and want to go home but...my friend is spinning at a club a few blocks away. If you’re at all interested in spending even more time with me, I can get us in. No wait, no cover, maybe free drinks?”

“Ummm.” you were trembling, so nervous he was going to say no. “I was actually trying to think of an excuse to spend more time with you myself, so I would love to go.”

“Oh.” you sighed with relief. You felt warm all over despite the chill of the fall air. “Well, good.”

Before the two of you even got passed the gates he’d scooped up your hand in his and you led him the few blocks to the busy club. There was a line that wrapped around the corner of the building of people waiting to get into the club, but you dragged Hoseok, and Bunho, who Hoseok had named for you, to the front of the line. You dropped your name and were let in without a seconds worth of waiting. You could still hear the groans of the line outside as you walked into the building.

Inside the club was packed from wall to wall. You squeezed Hoseok’s hand as you led him to the DJ booth, laughing to yourself as people stared at the giant stuffed bunny in your arms. In the booth you were greeted by your old friend Hyungwon. He’d met Hoseok before plenty of times but you weren’t worried about him remembering as he met hundreds of people a night and was usually already tipsy before his sets even started. If you didn’t meet him outside of a club he was never going to remember you. After giving Hoseok a friendly handshake, Hyungwon wrapped his arms around you in a tight hug as a greeting and told you how happy he was you could make it. He handed over two neon green wristbands that were good for free drinks at the bar, and he promised to take care of Bunho in the booth while you had fun.

“Will you dance with me?” You asked against Hoseok's ear once you were on the crowded dance floor.

He looked so tense, but he nodded in agreement anyway. You tried several different moves in an attempt to get him to loosen up but you could tell he wasn’t feeling it yet.

Remembering the wristbands you put one in his wrist and the other on yours before shoving him to the bar. There the two of you indulged in several shots of top shelf tequila and a couple of mixed drinks. Within no time at all you both were in the best of spirits and you couldn’t shake the urge you had to dance. You asked again if he wanted to dance and this time he nodded enthusiastically

He held your hips as you both made your way back to the dance floor. It was a tight fit all around but you found a decent spot near the back where there was actually enough space to move. His cheeks and the tips of his ears were pink from the alcohol as he danced with you in the crowded club. You were glad he’d finally loosened up and seemed to be having fun.

You danced for what felt like hours and you wanted nothing more than to keep going. The pair of you jumped around, arms flailing recklessly through the air. He grabbed your hand and twirled you around under his arm several times.

Then he spun you out and pulled you back into his arms. Your heart was pounding in your chest, your chest pressed against his. Both of you were short of breath. Everyone around you kept dancing while he held you close. Not moving, not speaking, barely breathing. Your fingers curled into the fabric of his shirt and you leaned in just slightly, testing the waters. He leaned towards you, until your sweaty foreheads were pressed together. Your eyes hadn’t left his lips, but you were hesitating and you were sure why.

“Are you gonna kiss me or what?” He grinned.

That was the invitation you’d apparently needed. Pulling on his shirt you tugged him that half an inch closer until your lips were pressed together. You smiled against his mouth. Really pressing yourself into him, you lifted your hands from his chest to his hair. His tongue brushed against your mouth and you let him in. You tried not to cry as you thought about how this was happening. Not some sad pity kiss in the park. A kiss you both wanted and were clearly enjoying. It felt so damn good. One of his hands slid up your back and cupped the back of your neck. You thought for a moment how you’d be okay doing this and only this for the rest of your life.

That only lasted until Hoseok pulled away from your lips and leaned close to your ear to whisper, “Do you want to get out of here?”

That one single question had an implication that left fireworks going off in the pit of your stomach.

~~~

The walk back to Hoseok’s place wouldn’t have taken that long. Even still he hailed the first cab he saw once you were out on the sidewalk outside of the club, not wanting to waste any more time. He’d pulled you into his lap in the backseat where you kissed the entire ride. In the elevator ride you stood on opposite sides. He held onto the bar behind him as he smiled over at you, anxiously tapping his leg. You peeked at him from between Bunho’s big ears, squeezing the bunny close to your chest. You couldn’t help but giggle at the feeling of anticipation running through you.

Once the elevator opened Hoseok was blasting passed you through the door, gripping your wrist tightly and leading you down the long hallway. You said a silent prayer that he’d get the code right the first time and almost cheered out loud when he did. Finally inside, your purse and giant stuffed bunny were left by the wayside as he pulled your hips towards his own.

His hands slid down your ass and backs of your legs until he’d hooked his arms around your legs to pull them around his waist. You had released several moans into his mouth. The way your body was reacting to his made you feel like he might as well already be inside you. You were feverish, and aching all over for more of him. So close to the release you’d been needing.

“You gotta…” he panted, pulling away from you slightly, “stop making that noise. My jeans are already too tight for that.”

“I can't stop.” You groaned again. Your hands fisted his hair. He let out some guttural noise and pulled away again gasping for air. And you whined, “God, I fucking missed you.”

“What?”

“Nothing.” You whispered against his ear before pulling it between your teeth, the way you knew he liked. His whole body shuddered and he slammed your back against the wall for leverage to keep from dropping to his knees. You dropped your legs from his waist to give him a break and he pressed his freed palms against the wall beside your head.

“How are you real?” He questioned as he rested his head against your neck, gasping desperately for air.

“Maybe I’m not.” You panted out your own reply.

“Okay..” he sighed, “I gotta get to that bed.”

Hooking his arms around your thighs he lifted you back up around his waist. You cupped his face in your hands, sucking his swollen lips between yours fervently while he danced the two of you the rest of the way down the hall. The mattress took you by surprise when he dropped you onto it. Hoseok stayed standing. You watched, your tongue passing over your lips, as he stepped back and unbuttoned his shirt before untucking it from his jeans.

You wanted to scream with excitement at the sight. It was really happening, after months and months. First months of thinking he’d just abandoned you. And then the ones you’d spent trying to get him to remember you. It was about to happen, you were here again with him and everything felt somewhat normal. Felt like it had before, when it was you and him, and everything was good.

When you focused back on him you realized he’d gotten down to just his tight black underwear and you gulped at the defined bulge. Feeling impatient you stood up, grabbed his face in your hands, and kissed him hard. He whimpered when you drug your nails down his chest.

“Sit down.” You muttered into his lips, “It’s my turn.”

He sat on the end of the bed and watched you with a giant, beautiful smile on his lips. You pulled your shirt over your head and immediately his eyes were wide. With a little chuckle, feeling quite proud of yourself, you unbuttoned your shorts and dragged them down your legs. When you stood back up Hoseok had his hand on his chest.

“I can’t…” he looked at you with wonder, “I can’t breathe.”

“Please, I’m not that special.” You laughed, thinking he was joking.

He shook his head, “No..I...I don’t know.. I can’t-“

“Hoseok…” you stepped forward and grabbed his shoulders. He looked like he was having a legitimate panic attack. “Oh my god.”

He grasped at you with both hands pulling you forward by your hips. He pressed his cheek against your bare stomach and begged you, “Hold me. Hold-hold me, please.”

Hunching over you wrapped an arm tight around his shoulders, and with the other you massaged his head. “I’ve got you. You’re okay. Just breathe, I’m right here.”

It took a couple of minutes for him to stop shaking, a little longer after that for his breathing to be steady, and then he was back to normal. He threw his head back and looked up at you. He looked so embarrassed, “I swear that’s never happened before.”

“Are you okay? What happened?” You asked placing a gentle palm against his flushed cheek.

“I saw you and...it’s so cheesy...I guess you just took my breath away.” He sighed, “It was something else though. I can’t explain it right, you won’t get it. I know we just met and this is the first time I’ve ever seen you like this but there was this overwhelming… it was like flashes of you, in front of me like you were but not now, not this moment. It wasn’t deja vu. It was like memories.”

You bit your lip unsure of how to handle what was happening. No one had told you what to do if his memory started to return like this. Were you supposed to explain everything to him? Risk him having another panic attack. If he had questions you weren’t sure you’d have the answers. “Should we stop?”

“God no.” He muttered, he was looking up at you with big doe eyes. “I mean, I don’t want to stop, but if I made you uncomfortable…”

You held out your hand to him and when he took it you pulled him to his feet. You planted a kiss against his lips before dropping to your knees. His eyebrows raised in pleasant surprise. As he stood before you, you tugged his black underwear from his hips, dragging them down his legs. He was already fully erect, his tip glistening.

Moving your hands back up his legs you could feel what you thought was scarring. You wondered if he even knew it was there, how often did someone look at the backs of their own legs. Trying your best to be inconspicuous you leaned in close to his hip and left a soft kiss. From that angle, looking down, you could see the scar. It looked pink and fresh, starting at his hip and following the length of his leg all the way to his ankle.

You rested your forehead against the top of his thigh, trying to keep yourself composed. Every reminder that you could have lost him for good had a bad habit of nearly breaking your heart.

His fingers traced you jaw to your chin and he lifted your face to look at his. “Are you okay? Do you want to stop?”

You shook your head and gave him a small smile, “Hoseok...you’re so beautiful.”

He tried to play it off but you could see very clearly on his face how much he appreciated the praise. You leaned back on your heels. And ran your hands down his inner thighs. He shuddered underneath your touch. Wrapping your hand around his length you leaned forward and swirled your tongue slowly around the tip. You grinned, seeing the muscles in his abdomen clench from the small action.

After one more teasing swirl, you took him into your mouth completely. Hands gripping his hips, you looked up at him through batted lashes. His breathing was tense already, and you wondered what he was thinking about as you sucked your cheeks in. You would have never guessed how desperately he was begging himself not to explode in your mouth after only a minute of your lips wrapped around him. He didn’t know why he was so sensitive, he didn’t know it had actually been a year since the last time he’d had sex.

He palmed your cheek as you bobbed back and forth along his length. Your tongue swirling around him simultaneously and you offered the perfect amount of teeth. The slightest dragging sensation that made his eyes roll back. Professional, was all he could think to himself as he gasped helplessly above you. You watched the heave of his chest, paired with the trembling if his thighs under your hands, and you knew he was close. He closed his eyes and you though for a second this was it.

Instead he pulled his hips away from you and panted out, “Stop. Wait. Fuck.”

“Are you okay?” You asked still concerned over his reaction earlier.

“Yeah I just…” he didn't know how to, or really want to, try and explain the comedic way he was imagining his orgasm would look. Feeling like he was going to blast out like a firehose, spraying your face relentlessly. You running away terrified. Him never seeing you again.

“Hoseok?”

“Just...come here.” He said with a smile and helped pull you to your feet. He kissed across your cheek and down your neck before whispering against your earlobe, “I want to taste you.”

That was a good enough reason for you. An anticipatory groan fell from your lips with such gusto that you felt embarrassed, wishing you could somehow take it back. However, Hoseok loved how much you wanted him back. With his hands on your hips he spun you around so your legs were backed against the bed. He kissed down your neck, across your collarbone and over your shoulder. His hands moving around you for just a moment before you were released from your bra.

You wanted to say something about the ease with which he removed your bra but the dark look in his eyes as he leaned back and slipped your straps from your shoulders left you incapable of saying anything at all. Your lip trapped between your teeth as he leaned forward once more to kiss and suck at the sensitive skin. His mouth left a moist trail all the way down your abdomen to the elastic band of your lace panties. His fingers hooked onto them on both sides of your hips and he tugged until you were completely naked in front of him.

“Sit.” He commanded. You did so easily, your legs bordering on the consistency of jello as it were. He knelt down in front of the edge of the bed and m propped your knees open in front of him. You were leaning back on your elbows, watching him as he dragged his fingers along your sex and smirked, “Hey, y/n…”

“What?” You asked breathlessly.

“You’re so beautiful.” Still smirking he leaned forward and buried himself in you.

Your arms fell weak and you crashed back against the bed as he worked you with his mouth. Just the swirl and dip of his tongue, and the way his lips wrapped around your clit, it was all you needed. In just minutes you were so close. And then he slipped his finger inside of you, then suddenly it was two pressing deep and curling as he pulled them out.

“Hoseok,” you gasped, “I-“

You couldn’t speak, you could barely breathe. Not much more than a mess beneath his touch. With a whimper you reached between your legs, running your fingers through his hair. Your toes curled and your back arched against the sheets. Eyes rolling back, you gushed around his fingers and onto his lips. The sound he made as he lapped up your orgasm nearly had you coming a second time.

When he was done he moved on to the bed, between your legs, crawling up your body until your lips were clashing together. You ran your hands up his back, your fingertips tracing the muscles in his shoulders. Pulling away from your lips he shuddered and leaned back in to kiss down your neck, his lips sucking greedily at your clavicle. Goosebumps raised across your skin from the gentle way he dragged his fingers over your body.

“Please,” you begged with a gulp. It was too much. He was too much.

You opened your hips beneath him as further invitation. He pushed himself up further, to get a better look at you. He ran his hand over your cheek and dipped his tongue out over his lips. His dark bangs were hanging away from his face and when he looked at you, you could have sworn he knew you. Not just knew you today, but knew you deeper than that. It was like he knew you were his. It took every ounce of self-restraint you had in your body not to tell him then and there how much you loved him.

He reached down between your legs and keeping your eyes locked with his he fitted himself against you. “You’re sure?”

“Positive.”

Your head fell back as he eased inside of you, the feeling was euphoric on a hundred different levels. His forehead pressed against your neck, and tiny grunts escaped his lips. You dug your nails into skin of his shoulders and dragged them down his back.

“God...damn” he gasped before digging his teeth into your skin.

“Over.” you said against his neck.

He rolled over on the mattress, taking you with him. You pushed yourself up, sitting back against his thighs. His hair was a mess and you were sure yours was even worse off. After some slight adjustment you sunk back down onto him and satisfied with the fill you sighed and looked down at him. As your hips rounded on him you moved your hands over his chest. The dip of his collarbones, the rise of his pecs. His hands gripped your thighs so your eyes followed his arms. Fingers to strong hands, hands to tightly flexed forearms, forearms to bulging biceps, and then just his smiling face looking up at you like you were everything.

“What?” he asked as you let out a small half laugh, half moan.

You shook your head, “Nothing, it’s so stupid.”

He moved his hands up to your hips to make sure you kept your pace as he lifted his own hips up until you were gasping from the fill. “Tell me.”

“It’s just,” you blushed from embarrassment, “you’re so sexy.”

He shook with laughter beneath you and the vibrations left you whimpering. You laughed at the sensation of it and he laughed with you.

You fell forward and giggled through tiny gasps, “Stop...laughing,”

“Why?” he asked, “It feels so good.”

“I know, but I’m gonna cum, and it’s not funny.” you groaned as he chuckled again.

“You’re right,” he said and your stomach tightened at the way he dropped the smile from his face. He moved his hand between your thighs and circled his finger against your clit, “I will take your orgasms very seriously from now on.”

“Oh. Oh my god!” your eyes blew wide as you hit your second orgasm for the night, “Hoseok, fuck!”

He squeezed his eyes shut, his nose scrunched up and he bit his lip as the pulsing from your orgasm brought him to his own. Breathless and exhausted you rested against his chest. You could have fallen asleep to the sound of his heartbeat.

~~~

That night you didn’t let yourself fall asleep next to Hoseok, even though a big part of you wanted to. The winning part of your mind couldn’t stop imagining how terrible the next morning would go when he woke up with a stranger in his bed. Especially after the breakdown he’d already had, you just weren’t sure how he’d handle it. So that night you made up some excuse about needing to be up early the next day and went home with just Bunho to keep you company. Then you did it again. Three more times. Three more day long dates with Hoseok that ended in some of the best sex you’d ever had in your life. Each time you ended up being too afraid to stay for fear of what might happen the next morning, despite the fact that every time he’d asked you to stay.

After the fifth daylong date you found yourself dozing off. You’d been laying with your head on his chest, and he was running his fingers over your bare skin. He’d been humming a song for a while, though you couldn’t figure out which one it was. All you knew was that it was soothing. Hitting that moment when you’re just about to truly fall asleep your eyes flew open.

“I really need to get out of here.” you sighed, pushing yourself up and out of his arms.

“What? No, why?” he asked grabbing your hand, “Stay with me, I don’t mind.”

“I can’t.” you looked over at him almost annoyed at how effortlessly handsome he was being. How effortlessly handsome he always was. “You won’t want me here in the morning.”

“Why? What happens in the morning?” he asked brushing your cheek with his thumb.

“Nothing, you’ll just change your mind.”

You sank back down onto the pillow next to his and looked over at him. You didn’t want to leave, and were less worried now that you were feeling wide awake. He placed his hand against your cheek. He locked eyes with you and you couldn’t look away. His face was so serious, the slightest pout on his pink lips. Your heart was beating impossibly fast.

“Stop.” you said gently, trying to match his calm energy.

“Stop what?” he asked raising a single eyebrow, looking almost innocent.

“Looking at me with your face.” he laughed and you felt yourself sink further into the bed at the sound. “Looking at me like you know my soul.”

“You think I don’t?” he asked seriously, quirking his head to the side slightly. “You don’t feel it?”

Tingles shot across every inch of your bare skin. “Feel what?”

“Feel like you’ve known me forever? I feel like I know you already.” he dropped his hand from where it had been cupping your face to your hand and squeezed your fingers, “Stay. Please?”

“Okay,” you agreed, “but only until you fall asleep and then I’m taking off.”

He smiled, pleased with himself, and moved his hand under the sheets. “Are you challenging me to an all nighter?”

“Hoseok!” you shrieked with laughter, feeling his fingers slip between your thighs. You shoved his shoulder but the action barely moved him.

“Come on.” he said leaning close, burying his nose in your neck, “Let me work you so hard you can’t even feel your legs. Then you’ll have to stay with me.”

You let out a half laugh, half groan. Laugh because of the way his breath tickled all the way down your throat, and groan from the feeling of his fingers slipping inside of you, slowly.

With a weak conviction you choked out, “You can try...I guess, but it won’t work.”

Hoseok’s stamina hadn’t been something you’d considered. His plan had worked and you fell asleep while you were still in his arms after the second round of the night.

Shocked was an understatement of how he felt the next morning as he woke up with his arms around you. For a moment he didn’t recognize you, he didn’t remember bringing anyone home or what he’d done the night before that could have lead him forgetting everything that brought him to this moment. A groan fell from your lips as if, even in your sleep, you could tell he wasn’t close enough anymore. You rolled over so that the two of you were face to face and your hand found his waist under the sheets. He was wide eyed and anxious, as he looked down at you, afraid you were going to wake up and he wasn’t going to know you.

Slowly and quietly, in hopes that he wouldn’t wake you, Hoseok brushed the hair away that had fallen in your face. His breath caught in his chest as he started to remember, a smile spread slowly across his face. He leaned in and pressed a kiss against the exposed skin of your neck, then another and another until you were squirming beneath him.

“What are you doing?” you groaned as his lips tickled your neck.

“I’m awake, y/n. I need attention.” he whined.

Not ready to wake up, you kept your eyes closed as you moved your hand up the warmth of his back. The sheets were so soft and his hands were so strong, gripping your hip. Everything felt so normal. Hoseok was awake and he remembered who you were.

Hoseok was awake and remembered who you were. Your eyes flew open and you sat up in bed taking in a quick gasp of air.

“What’s wrong?” Hoseok asked, “Did you forget where you were?”

Biting your lip, you looked over at him stretched out over the white bedding. Not where, you thought to yourself, but when.

“Yeah,” you smiled and laid back down, “or something like that, but just for a second.”

He hummed and slipped his arms around you, pulling you closer. “You were wrong, by the way.”

“About?” You asked, so comfortable you could have fallen back asleep.

“You said I’d change my mind about wanting you here.”

“Well, I’m glad you didn’t.”

It hadn’t been completely intentional, but the two of you spent the rest of the day together. Most of the day was spent in bed, which you’d had few complaints about. Later in the afternoon, ever the gentleman, Hoseok drew a bath for you to enjoy while he went down the street to pick up some food. You knew he’d probably intended on you staying relaxed in the water for longer than you did but you found yourself a little too restless to stay still for too long. For a while you meandered his apartment, not really looking for anything since you’d mostly seen all of it before. Back in his bedroom you raided his drawers finding the oversized sweater you’d seen him in and a pair of boxers, which surprised you since you’d never seen him wear them before. You dressed yourself in your findings and continued to walk around the apartment as you brushed your hair with his comb.

When he finally returned he found you in the cupboard searching for something unhealthy to snack on and disappointed that there was nothing. He’d brought back...everything. Hoseok realized when he’d gotten downstairs that he had never asked what you might want, so he just went to a bunch of places and hoped that he’d gotten something you’d like. Luckily, all of it was stuff you liked. Together you took refuge on the couch and devoured nearly every bite of food he brought home. As the hours ticked by and the afternoon inched into the evening you started to worry again. Worry that you’d have to leave him soon and that if, or more likely when, you finally did he’d only forget you again. However, as your movie binging, makeout marathoning continued on his couch, he never once asked you to leave. He didn’t even suggest it. Instead, as you tucked into him, what he did was run his hand up and down your back until you’d fallen asleep on his chest.

It surprised you when Hoseok wanted to spend the next day with you as well. This time the two of you actually left the apartment. You’d gone to enjoy a late brunch. Afterwards you strolled around downtown. You stopped at several department stores to warm up but mostly you liked to go into designer boutiques and guess the prices of their ugliest pieces. Once your cheeks were permanently sore from laughing he brought you home, stopping on the way to grab dinner.

Sitting across the table from him made you sad because you realized that you couldn’t continue to spend all your time with him. This had been the longest amount of time you’d ever spent with him, even before the accident you were never really together for more than a couple hours, a day at the longest. You’d imagined you’d have gotten tired of him or he would have gotten bored of you. You thought, especially since you’d relived the beginning of your relationship a hundred times already, that he wouldn’t have anything new to offer but he kept you on your toes.

You stuffed your mouth with rice and curry, to avoid having to answer any questions about the change in your mood. You were just sad imagining being alone and worried that the second you left he would forget you and you’d have to restart this whole process over again.

When you finally told him you had to leave he looked equally sad. You knew it that it would be awhile until you could see him again. The event at your work was happening this week and you were going to be outrageously busy until it was over. You’d told him it would be at least a week until you’d be free to see him again. When you told him that he kissed you for a really long time in front of the cab he’d called for you. You were sure that if the meter wasn’t already running that the driver would have left you on the sidewalk, your mouths glued together.

He sighed when he finally pulled away, “Do you think that’s enough for a week?”

“No.” You laughed, “That’s not enough for even a day.”

“Glad you agree.” He grinned and leaned in to kiss your cheek. “We’ll just have a lot to catch up on when we see each other.”

“Coffee right?” You asked, “The cafe where we met. Sunday morning.”

“Sunday morning.” He confirmed.

“You won’t forget?”

He shook his head, “I won’t forget.”

“Hoseok,” you said in a whisper. He raised his eyebrows expectantly, “don’t forget me, okay? Promise you won’t forget me.”

“How could I ever forget you?” He laughed like it was ludicrous.

“Just, please. I know it sounds silly but will you just promise me?” you basically begged.

“Hey…” he cupped your cheeks in his hands and smiled brightly, “I promise, I will not forget you.”

~~~

Preparing for your work event was excruciating. It would have been regardless but it was more so because you spent every second you weren’t thinking about work thinking about Hoseok and whether or not he’d forgotten you yet. You’d removed your number from his phone before you’d left him, just in case, so if he’d wanted to get a hold of you he couldn’t. With barely a second to even eat or shower between preparations you definitely didn’t have a minute to contact Minhyuk to find out if he knew anything about Hoseok’s current memory status.

Saturday night, after the last guest left the event, the caterers drove off with their equipment, and the tables and chairs had been stacked and made ready to be picked up in the morning your shoulders finally fell with some relief. You’d been slightly worried you still wouldn’t be able to sleep before your meeting with Hoseok in the morning but your head crashed down on your pillow before you’d even taken off your heels.

The cafe was busy for a sunday morning but you’d gotten there early and grabbed a coffee and a table. Hoseok was right on time, he looked amazing and there was nothing more you wanted to do than to kiss him but you waited instead. Waited to see what he would do when he saw you, because he always came to this cafe and him being here didn’t necessarily mean anything. For a blink you thought he was looking at you but you couldn’t be sure, and he walked passed your table to the counter without a word.

You watched out of the corner of your eye as he turned around a few minutes later, coffee in hand. It looked for a moment like he was headed straight for your table but instead he moved just passed it. He sat at a table across from you and opened his book, not unlike he had done a dozen times before. When he caught you looking at him he smiled kindly, which he’d also done plenty. You were becoming more and more certain that he’d forgotten you, like he’d definitely done before.

Feeling a little heartbroken your shoulders slumped. Part of you wondered if it was all the way back to square one, which meant hopelessness. Or, you wondered, maybe if you just spent every single moment together for the rest of your lives he’d be able to remember you. The thought alone was exhausting, but a big part of you thought you could manage it.

“I hate to bother you,” you looked up to see his smiling face, coffee in one hand and a book in the other, “but can I use that chair or are you waiting for someone?”

“Oh, go ahead, I’m not using it.”

You expected him to drag the chair away, like people usually did when they asked to use chairs, instead he sat down on the seat and placed his coffee on the table. He crossed one leg over the other before opening his book.

He grinned over at your confused face, “Sorry, I just felt like it was selfish for us to be using up two tables when we can just share this one. I won’t bother you.”

Unsure what to say you looked down at your book. You read nothing, you couldn’t focus long enough to comprehend the words. Sniffing with eyes brimmed with tears you were trying desperately not to cry out of frustration. You just wanted to stand up, grab his shoulders, and scream Remember Me!

“Rough story?” He asked.

You looked back up at him, “What?”

“I know I said I wouldn’t bother you but,” he nodded towards your book, “you look upset, pretty emotional story?”

“Yeah,” you nodded, “it’s devastating. Might be the worst love story of all time.”

“Why read it then?”

“I can’t seem to let it go, no matter how much it hurts.” You wiped your cheek and looked back down at the book.

The table fell into a comfortable silence, and you were able to calm yourself enough that you didn’t feel on the edge of an emotional breakdown. You hadn’t noticed, but Hoseok hadn’t looked back at his book. Not once. He’d been too preoccupied watching you.

After quite some time he finally leaned forward, planting his elbows on the table. “Y/n, can I ask you a question.”

“Of course.” You said looking up at him expectantly.

He looked almost sad, “Who hurt you?”

You leaned back, feeling slightly attacked by the question. “Excuse me?”

“Who hurt you?” He repeated.

Suddenly your brain seemed to start working again and your eyes went wide, “You said my name.”

“I can’t believe you really thought I’d forgotten you!” He exclaimed in disbelief, “What person on this planet made you feel so forgettable because I have a few choice words for them.”

This time you were really going to cry, but you had to keep it together. You wouldn’t just be able to explain to him why it meant so much to you that he remembered who you were. At least, you thought, you couldn’t do it without Minhyuk. He watched fascinated by how every part of you lifted and brightened in just the blink of an eye.

“You really remember me?” You asked.

“Well, I did promise you I would, didn't I?” He smirked over at you.

You bit your lip, “Tell me what you remember about me.”

He laughed and then realized you were being serious. “That’s such a weird request.”

“Please?”

“I remember a lot about you.” he looked you over for a second and dragged his bottom lip between his teeth, causing an instant blush to cross your cheeks, “like how soft your hips felt, especially when you had just gotten out of the bath. I remember how cute you looked in my sweater, and how you look even cuter when you stuff your cheeks with rice. I remember the way your hair smelled when you fell asleep on my chest. The way you taste, I remember the way all of you tastes.”

“Oh.” You let out a soft breath, not having expected that answer. He laughed at how immobile you seemed.

“I also remember that work project you had that kept us apart all week. How’d that go?”

He remembered you. So many thoughts rushed through your head, so many feelings and you felt incapable of expressing any of them properly. Instead you told him all about your hellish week before asking him about his and then making plans to spend the day together.

~~~

Minhyuk had been so thrilled by your news about Hoseok that he’d dropped the three hundred dollar bottle of tequila he’d been holding. He grabbed your face and kissed you right on the mouth he was so happy and all you could do was laugh because you knew the feeling well. The two of you discussed for a long while the best way to tell Hoseok about everything, deciding ultimately to wait until you knew for sure his memory lasting wasn’t a fluke. The decision had been Minhyuk’s. It had surprised you at first, until he explained that he’d already had to remind his best friend of the accident hundreds of times before and it never got any easier. He wanted to make sure this time it lasted.

You’d told Minhyuk to take his time, that the time of the reveal would be up to him. You had felt bad at first. It felt like you were lying to Hoseok whenever you were with him. Keeping a secret that affected him so deeply. Then weeks had passed and you found yourself too distracted by life with Hoseok. It had been three years. Three years of his demanding hands all over your body. His desperate and needy late night requests for your attention. Never spending more than a day together, rarely spending time overnight. Dates hadn’t been called dates, it was just hanging out. You had never been his girlfriend and he wasn’t your boyfriend. This time with him was different, it was better. It was date night’s and entire weekends together. And when Hoseok told you he wanted you meet Minhyuk and you asked him why he said it was because he thought it was important that his best friend and his girlfriend got along.

After a delicious dinner at the restaurant and probably already too many drinks the three of you went back to Hoseok’s for more drinking and hanging out.

He’d been so affectionate all night. Holding your hand, kissing your shoulder, always making sure that you were comfortable and having a good time. Back at his place he’d grabbed your hand and led you over to the couch, he crashed down onto the cushions and pulled you onto his lap, “This has been the best day. Might as well be my birthday.”

“I’m glad you’re so happy, Hoseok.” You said before pressing a kiss against his cheek.

He looked over at Minhyuk who had walked over slowly, thoughtfully, “I’m glad you two get along. I hadn’t really been worried, but it was important to me.”

Min smiled at Hoseok and then looked over at you, “I think we should do it now.”

Hoseok looked between the two of you slightly confused, you leaned in and kissed his cheek once more before standing up from his lap. You weren’t sure where to go, you’d wanted to give him space but you also wanted to be there for him at the same time. Minhyuk sat beside him on the couch. Hoseok reached out, solving your dilemma for you by grabbing your hand, you weren’t going anywhere. You sat down on the edge of the coffee table in front of him.

“What’s going on? Why does it feel so serious?” he looked over at you, he seemed almost scared so you squeezed his hand.

“Hoseok,” Minhyuk took a deep breath and exhaled, “You were in a bad accident.”

It was crushing to watch the myriad of feelings that crossed his face as Minhyuk went over all of the details of his accident, and then his recovery. He was so hurt, scared, and confused by all of it and what it meant. Tears fell down his cheeks as Minhyuk showed him pictures of his demolished car. Pictures of him bandaged and broken in the hospital bed during his coma. The stitches that had been taken out long ago and scars that were now hidden underneath the hair that had grown back. The x-rays of the plate in his leg. He squeezed your hand tightly through every step of the timeline. Finally nearing the end there were pictures of him after he’d woken up, when he was going through physical therapy. Your heart went out to Minhyuk who had retold Hoseok about his accident every single morning when he’d had panic attacks from waking up in the hospital.

“...up until a few weeks ago you’d had short term memory loss.” Minhyuk had finished telling him almost everything he needed to know. “Since it finally seems like your memory might be sticking we thought it was time to tell you what happened again.”

For the first time in almost an hour he dropped your hand. He ran his fingers through his hair with a sigh before looking over at you, “We didn’t just meet, did we?”

“We did, it just wasn’t for the first time.” you said in barely a whisper as Minhyuk handed him his old phone.

His forehead scrunched in confusion as he quietly scrolled through the photos on the phone, “Were we dating...before the accident?”

“Sort of. I’m starting to think we made it more complicated than it needed to be.”

“This was over years. We’ve been together for years.” he looked up at you expectantly. “Are we in love?”

“I think so.” you wiped a stray tear from your cheek, “We’ve never said it to each other but I think we are.”

The table vibrated as your leg bounced anxiously. You watched Hoseok scroll through the conversations on his phone. He spent a long time on the one he’d shared with you. It looked like he’d tried scrolling all the way back to the beginning of the conversation before reading it all out. He stared at the phone so long without moving the screen went black and he just kept staring. Finally he dropped the phone on the couch between him and Minhyuk. When he looked up at you his lips were trembling. You knew he was about to cry and you didn’t know what to say.

“Hoseok-” you started.

“You were so mad at me.” he said cutting you off.

“I didn’t know. I never would have said any of that if I’d known. I swear.”

He slipped down off of the couch in front of you and dropped his head in your lap. His arms wrapped around your waist and you could feel him crying. You looked at Minhyuk wide-eyed, unsure of what was happening, hoping he’d have something to offer but he only shrugged. You rubbed your hand over his back gently.

“I’m so sorry.” he mumbled into your lap.

Still confused and concerned you continued to rub his back, “Wait, why are you apologizing?”

“I hurt you so much. I’m so sorry.” he said as he cried even harder.

“Oh, Hoseok. No, it wasn’t your fault.”

He tightened his arms around you, pulling you closer. His face pressed against your stomach. “I almost lost you forever.”

You hunched over him awkwardly wrapping him up in a hug, “No, baby. You would have found me. You always find me.”

Minhyuk leaned back against the couch with a small smile on his face, “Physically, he is stronger than steel. Emotionally, a baby bunny.”

“Don’t listen to him.” You whispered against the top of Hoseok's head. He just squeezed you tighter.

~~~

“I can’t believe you cheated on me.” Hoseok said dropping his keys on the counter.

It had been a few weeks since you’d told him about the accident, and he’d been getting memories back ever since. Minhyuk and you told him all of the really big events that he’d forgotten and that seemed to open the gates as the rest of his memories came flooding back. More and more every day. Some of them were beneficial. Some of them, you were finding were just embarrassing for you, which Hoseok loved.

“What are you talking about?” you nearly shrieked, hanging up both of your coats on the rack.

He turned around and looked at you with raised eyebrows, “Don’t try and tell me you weren’t with other guys the entire year we were apart. You even told me you were going to sleep with that guy you were on a date with.”

“You remember that?” you asked surprised, “I barely even remembered Loey.”

“Too many notches on your bedpost?” he asked with a raised eyebrow and the tiniest smirk.

“Hoseok…”

“I however was not with anyone else,” he yelled dramatically throwing his arms in the air, “because I was in a coma!”

“It’s not funny.” you frowned, “If I could go back…”

“Yeooooosin.” he sang, pulling you into a hug. He kissed your neck in quick little pecks until you were laughing in his arms, “I’m just kidding.”

You ran your hands up his back and over his broad shoulders, squeezing him tight, “I don’t like that joke.”

He leaned back and kissed your forehead. “Okay, I’ll think of a new one.”

You hummed, with a purse of your lips at him and went into the living room where you plopped onto the couch and waited for your very attention needy boyfriend. When he finally arrived he was carrying wine glasses and a smile on his face.

“I also can’t believe you stuck it out with me. That must have been so hard. Why did you do it? For months and months.”

You looked over at him, accepting the wine glass, and laughed to yourself. “Isn’t it obvious? You have a really hot body and a lot of money.”

He clicked his tongue in annoyance, “Just confess that you love me.”

“Never.”

“Well I can’t until you do. So I guess we’re just at a standstill.” He pouted.

You took a quick gulp of wine before placing it on the coffee table. He came around, set his glass next to yours and stretched out on the couch, laying his head in your lap.

“I keep waiting for you to kick me out.” you said quietly, running your hand through his hair.

“Why would I ever kick you out? Why would I ever want this to end?”

“You have your memories back now. I figured it’s only a matter of time until you remember that we were never really like this before, and how you don’t really want to be couple-y with me.”

Hoseok popped up from your lap, and stared at you from the other side of the couch, “Yeah… I have my memory back, which means I remember you never wanted to be in a relationship with me.”

You scoffed at the accusation.” Hoseok, you said you didn’t want to really date because you were so busy with work all the time and you felt it would be unfair.”

“I only ever said that because you always told me not to get confused about what we were doing with each other.”

“Hoseok!” you practically screamed, eyes wide in shock, “I said that because I wanted you to think I was still just a chill, down girl, like I was when we met. Then, I don’t know, you made me want more. I didn’t want to scare you off with all my feelings or by being too clingy!”

“Y/n! Are you kidding me?” he screamed back in frustration.

You watched as he jumped from the couch and stormed out of the living room. As you waited you stood up, this felt like a fight and you felt too vulnerable sitting down.

He stomped back into the room with a low growl, and a small black box in his hand. “I have been in love with you forever, you idiot. I just kept waiting for you to finally get to where I was so I could tell you. Waiting for you to love me back so I could give you this!”

Your eyes went wide and your body tensed as he went to open the box but you relaxed at the sight of the brand new silver key. “Is that a house key?!”

“Yes! I love you and I want you to live with me!” you’d yelled at him so he felt it was only appropriate to yell back.

“What the hell? I’ve loved you for so long! You thought I would just hang out here for months when you didn’t even know who I was because I just wanted to be fuck buddies again?!”

“No!” he shouted, albeit confused, “Why are we yelling!”

You threw your hands up, “I don’t know!”

“You started it!”

“Yeah, because I love you!”

“Well I love you too!” he yelled one last time and then smiled, “...so come here and kiss me already.”

He closed the box with the key and tossed it onto the table as you moved towards him, throwing your arms around his shoulders and meeting his lips with yours.

You smiled against the kiss and mumbled, “You’re so stupid.”

“And yet you’re the one who loves me.” he mumbled back. He sat back down on the couch, taking you with him. Your knees landed on either side of him as you sat on his lap, and leaned into the kiss. He let the kiss go on for some time before pulling away, “I love you, seriously. Be my girlfriend?”

“I was already your girlfriend.” you laughed, moving back into the kiss.

He pulled away again and you groaned, “And move in with me?”

“Obviously! Yes.” you landed the smallest kiss on his lips before he pulled away again, “Jesus! What?”

“Marry me?” he grinned.

Your eyes blew wide and you slapped his shoulder, “Hoseok!”

“Yeah, you’re right, too soon. We should date for awhile. Maybe move your stuff in first, and then I’ll try again.” he reasoned.

He caught your eyes with his and you knew he was playing his game, his battle of the wills. His face mostly neutral except for the pout that accentuated his lips and the clear amusement that glistened in his eyes as he waited for you to crumble.

Dragging your teeth across your bottom lip you grinned, “Ask me again then. When I’m all moved in, and we’re laying in our bed. I’ll have my head on your chest and you’ll be doing that thing where you drag your fingertips over my back. Ask me like that.”

His eyes scanned yours for a long while after you’d stopped talking as he tried to figure out if you were serious. Then, as if he’d been replaying the words over in his head until he finally believed them, he turned his face away. Breaking contact because the joy he’d felt looking at you had become too overwhelming.

With a small laugh you leaned forward and kissed his exposed neck before resting your head on his shoulder. “I win.”

He hummed in agreement, “Yeah, but I win too.”

#Wonho scenario #Wonho smut #Monsta x scenario #Monsta x smut #Kpop scenario #Kpop smut #Happy Birthday Sara!#Did you even like this?#Thats all I care about is that you like it #sooo.. god I hope you like it.#It's so much

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irwinkitten · 5 years

Text

feisty | a.i

pairing: oc x werewolf!ash notes: so i’ve been inspired with supernatural stuff thanks to @5sosnsfw, @converse-luke, @theagenderwhocriedwolf and @calumsmermaid and since I’ve been working on demon!5sos for a while I went through my stuff and found this beast of a fic. Pls enjoy I am going to try and tell myself off to stop writing 20k+ pieces lmao warnings: mentions of death, mentions abuse (nothing explicit, just in passing conversation) word count: 21k lmao

Being a human amongst a pack of wolves was difficult.

Despite being the Beta’s first born, Cassidy had been born without the shifting gene. Most said that it was a common thing to happen, but when the Alpha researched it, it was quickly understood that it was a rare thing to happen.

Soon she began to get shunned.

Her Alpha and father treated her with the same respect. But others deemed her unworthy to even be included.

To the point where she lost such a big chance to meet her mate because she chose to be homeschooled.

Children were cruel.

Despite the lack of her shifter gene, she quickly rose through the ranks. She was a good strategist. She heard things that the shifters missed. Her human eyes pointed out the flaw that their perfect vision would always ignore.

Because she fought for her place in the pack, she gained respect from the elders. They listened to her and never belittled her. The younger shifters took a different route. They tried to sabotage her plans.

This time she’d had enough.

Storming through the Pack house, people kept clear of the anger that was visible. The argument was brewing.

It was a regular argument but this time, there was almost a finality to the way she moved.

Slamming through to Alpha Lockard’s office, the elders fell silent as the door slammed shut, ignoring the flinch from the Alpha’s son.

“Cassidy,” Her head snapped to Alpha Isaac, not daring to defy a direct order, “There will be no repercussions from this meeting. What happens here will remain here.” She went straight for the jugular.

“So many times, so many times you have tried to sabotage the raids I’ve conducted.”

“Because they were useless.” The teenager snorted.

“Leo, quit it.” The Alpha snapped at his son, Cassidy took in deep breaths to reign in her anger.

“The raids you attempted to sabotage never failed because what you planned was anticipated. But this time, a wolf died! And it is entirely your fault Leo Lockard!” She shrieked, her anger finally taking control as her hands shook.

The anger was undiluted and burning. So was the pain of losing her best friend. She’d promised him that it would be easy. She promised him that he’d be safe

Leo looked shocked for less than a second before his face turned to indifference.

“He shouldn’t have been playing hero anyway.” His answer was drowned out by a variety of growls. The loudest coming from their Alpha.

She lost her tight reign and her hand snapped out, striking Leo square in the face. There was a satisfying crunch despite the pain that shot up her arm.

“Dad!”

“I didn’t see anything.” He deadpanned, his eyebrow raising, daring his son to protest. He ignored the look his father sent him.

“Dad, she hit me! The filthy human hit me!” That deflated the fight out of her. Of course, he would use her humanity.

“Do you not understand how much trouble you’re in?” Alpha Isaac snarled and a look of fear flitted across Leo’s face. “You knowingly sabotaged our strategists plan and in doing so resulted in the death of a talented wolf, a loved friend and the rest barely made it out with the target wolf we were trying to save!”

Cassidy watched with satisfaction as the colour drained from Leo’s face. Retribution.

“He was trying to play hero!” Leo protested and this time Cassidy responded, cutting across her Alpha.

“He was rescuing the four-year-old that rogues kidnapped and tried to rape. It was only because of her wolf they didn’t touch her!” She shouted, getting closer to the young shifter. “He is the reason she’s alive! You are the reason they both nearly died!” A small part of her brain noted that her throat was aching, the raw power from her voice scratching her throat. But she ignored it.

“Get away from me, freak.” He spat at her and she responded with another hit to his face. Her hand was protesting now, but she ignored it. Compartmentalising it so that she could focus on the anger.

“You cannot keep using my humanity as a reason for failures! I have done nothing but succeed and all you can do is weep with your tail between your legs because your own father knows that you taking over the pack would be an absolute disaster!” She all but screamed at him.

The room went deadly silent at her words.

Her Alpha stood behind her. She could feel the heat and saw Leo’s eyes widen in fear.

“Cassidy, you realise that by stating that, you’re pinning these accusations to the Alpha’s son?”

“I accept that, and have sufficient evidence to support my accusations.” Leo’s eyes widened in fear.

“Seeing as we have the elders needed. Judge and Jury will happen now. Elder Orion?” The man wearing the light blue suit, his hair peppered with grey throughout the dark locks.

Leo looked terrified.

“What evidence do you have, child?” Cassidy ignored the pleading look from Leo, her eyes flickering to the Alpha before looking at Elder Orion.

“Eyewitnesses who saw Leo Lockard move to divert the course of action to save Talon Scarsa and the young she-wolf the rogues took. Not only that but three older wolves had heard Leo discussing it thoroughly with the she-wolf who he has claimed as his mate.”

The entire room went still.

Cassidy counted to five before her Alpha snapped the door open.

“GET KALLIE TYSON HERE NOW.” A yelp echoed up to the room.

Suddenly, two of the fighter wolves flanked the baby-faced she-wolf; whose eyes took in the room and then saw Leo. Understanding dawned instantly and Cassidy tried her hardest not to call Kallie out on it.

“Sit. Now.” She didn’t defy the Alpha, taking a seat next to Leo, only to practically jump onto the other couch at Alpha Lockard’s snarl.

“You are here as an accomplice to the death of a fighter who was trying to rescue the captured she-wolf. Do you deny knowledge of what was going to happen?”

She was silent, shooting Leo a frightened look. Leo ignored her. She shook her head.

Elder Orion moved on.

“Leo Lockard, do you deny sharing information and acting on a plan to sabotage the strategists plan to rescue the she-wolf?”

“Yes.” The word was so vicious as he glared at Cassidy. She returned it, refusing to bow down to him. She’d learnt to never defy her Alpha but his son, she publicly defied him. He wasn’t her Alpha.

“For your defiance, you will receive the harshest punishment if found guilty.”

“She dies if I’m not.” The snarl sent chills down her spine, but she held his gaze. He looked away first.

“This needs to be settled. Cassidy, I’m going to push the link through you. I need to see the first-hand accounts.” She nodded, letting her eye shut as the Alpha placed both hands on her temples.

Cassidy could feel the pack link push through her human mind. There was a sharp pain, but she moved it to where the pain from her hand was. She focused on the conversations, the items she saw, the words spoken. Elder Orion placed his hand on Alpha Lockard’s arm. A second intrusion pushed her mind and she flinched.

“Pathetic human.” The words registered in her brain, fleeting memories of him attacking her as a child distracting the first-hand problem before she refocused.

By the time the Alpha and Elder pulled away, her body was trembling. Normally, contact was needed for private viewings or humans. The pack link was open to all the shifters. But she didn’t have the gene.

The two joined with the other three Elders in the room and her father, the Beta. Leo glared at her, earning a sharp growl from the warrior stood at the doorway.

“Either way, your time is short, filth.” The warrior took the threat seriously, taking position in front of Cassidy with a growl. Leo fell silent and Kallie shot him another terrified look.

The group broke apart.

They turned to Kallie first.

“Kallie Tyson. You did not deny knowledge. You have been found guilty for having knowledge of this crime. You are hereby stripped of any title that could be earnt. Because you only had knowledge but did not assist, you will be monitored for the rest of your time. Should you find your mate, they too will be monitored. For the next year you are banned from shifting. You will wear a tracking device and your shifting will be supervised by at least three elders and two other wolves of their choice. You will have curfew and are banned from travelling around the pack without an escort. Defy these orders results in exile or death if the breach is severe enough.”

At Elder Orion’s words, she burst into tears, her entire body shaking as a strangled howl escaped her lips, her body twitching. Leo spared no glance to the girl he proclaimed as his mate.

They turned to Leo who glared at his father. Elder Orion glared at Leo who cowered at the gaze.

“Leo Lockard. You denied knowledge of the sabotage. You denied that it was you who led the group. You denied knowledge that you knowingly attempted to leave a pack member and warrior to die. This is treason. You are stripped from Alpha titles. Your wolf will be bound till your last breath. You are stripped of a mate, you are hereby banished from this pack and any pack you attempt to enter. You will face the pack with your crimes and take any punishment they see fit before banishment. Upon exile, if you attempt to re-enter the border the warriors are ordered to kill on sight.”

Leo seemed to shrink as each title was stripped from him. Instead of a howl from him, a howl from the pack house caused Alpha Isaac to snarl.

“You found your mate yet led the poor girl on to this madness?” Leo snarled at his father in response.

“I will not be mated to a pathetic nerd who can’t fight.” He growled. Alpha Isaac snarled and shot out of the room, one of the warriors trailing him. It was barely minutes later that he pulled in the sobbing girl who was shaking, her neck red raw.

“I didn’t do anything, Alpha please don’t hurt me.” She cried out. Cassidy stepped from behind the warrior, pulling the terrified girl into her arms, undiluted anger flooding her veins. Hope Granger was the child she cared for when her parents and brother died in a pack fire. Rage filled every bone in her body towards Leo Lockard.

“Calm down. Alpha Isaac was upset because Leo lied. He lied knowing you’d be hurt.” She whispered softly. Hope’s cries turned into whimpers as she clutched at Cassidy’s shirt.

“Alpha.” Her word was soft and he sighed, his eyes watering.

“You hurt the future Luna. You hurt your mate.” Cassidy could see how tired her Alpha looked and felt pity for the man who treated her like his own flesh and blood.

“She’ll never be Luna now.” Leo snarled in response. No one saw Alpha Isaac’s clenched fist hit his son. But his head snapped back and the distinctive crack echoed through the room.

“Elder Orion. This never happens, but I can’t. She’s innocent.” The plea was clear and Elder Orion paused before nodding.

“Let me. Cassidy, I need you to step away.” She went to move and suddenly Hope was crying again. Cassidy realised that Hope Granger was too young to deal with all of this. She was terrified.

“Hope, please. We won’t hurt you.” Alpha Isaac’s pleas were met with terrified cries.

“See, she’s unfit to be Luna.” Leo spoke up, his face twisted into an ugly sneer.

“She’s a scared fourteen-year-old who has just felt her mate bond snap from her body and now she’s being dragged to the Alpha’s office. She has every right to be like this.” Cassidy snapped at Leo. He fell silent.

“Cass, please don’t let them hurt me.” She whimpered. Cassidy placed a kiss to the top of her head.

“You were classed as mine from the day that I saved your life. They wouldn’t hurt you.”

“Cassidy is right. I promise you little one, that we will not harm you. The law is clear on Cassidy’s actions and in saving you created a bond which even the law cannot interfere.” Elder Orion spoke up. Leo growled and she cowered away from the sound, her wide eyes meeting the Elder’s.

“What do you want to do?” Her entire body was shaking. Cassidy tried to control her rage towards the younger Lockard and it was only her sisters arms that kept her grounded from snapping.

“We want to give you your rightful title. You will be Luna of this pack. Your second mate will be your mate but will not take over as Alpha. This is yours to take if you so wish.”

“No!” The roar ripped from Leo as he was held back by the warriors. Hope clinched against her sister and Cassidy placed herself between her sister and Leo, a fierce scowl upon her face.

“What do I have to do?” Her voice was shaking. She gripped Cassidy’s hand tighter.

“We need to transfer the power to you. Leo will have no hold over you. Your soul with knit itself and find refuge in a second chance mate. You will not be alone, we promise you. Alpha Lockard will teach and train you how to be a Luna over the years until he is ready to retire.”

“I’ll do it.” The words were soft, but Cassidy kissed the top of her head before stepping away.

The Elders closed ranks around her and it took several minutes before they moved again. Hope stumbled to Cassidy and she could already see the differences.

“It’ll be okay sweet girl.”

“Will you stay with me?” Cassidy hesitated. She knew she’d break that promise.

“I’ll stay when I can. But I must travel. My mate isn’t in this pack.” The look on Hope’s face broke her heart.

“Will you stay in touch?”

“Now that I can promise.” She grinned, placing a kiss to Hope’s forehead once more.

“She can’t be Luna! She doesn’t deserve the title!” Leo snarled. Kallie whimpered before looking to her Alpha.

“You can leave. I advise you to get someone to take you home. I’ll be around in a few days.” Kallie nodded her head and paused as she passed Hope and Cassidy.

“I never knew. He said it was me and I believed him. I’m so sorry.” She whispered before half running from the room.

“Why on earth did I pick that sack of shit? Why did fate give me that freak?” Cassidy’s temper finally snapped and she launched at Leo, her fists hitting every piece of skin available.

The move shocked the Alpha and Elders for moments before they realised what was going on. It took them another moment to pry her off him.

“You killed a pack member who was like a brother to me. You endangered a four-year-old girl who was stolen from her family! You didn’t deserve that beautiful girl as your mate and she sure as hell didn’t need you in her life. How dare you say she’s not worthy because she will be better than you. She will succeed where you failed and protect her pack. You useless human!” She shrieked at him.

“I’m not a human freak.” He snarled back and Cassidy laughed despite the pain, she laughed even though tears flooded her face.

“You can never shift again. You’re as human as they get.” Her laughter was slowly becoming manic, even though there was no humour. “Karma is a sweet, sweet bitch. I hope that those humans you hate so much turn on you and make you suffer.” She snarled before going back to Hope, pulling the girl close.

“Cass, can we go? I don’t want him around me.” Hope’s words coaxed her to finally look away and walk out of the office without another word.

Her entire body was trembling with rage as they walked through the pack house. Word swept through and people bowed respectfully to Hope as the two of them passed by.

“Why are they doing that?” She whispered to Cassidy, who, despite the rage that was coursing through her, was smirking like the cat who got the cream.

“Their wolves recognise you as their next Luna. They’re showing you the respect you deserved from day one.”

“What will happen to… him?” As they left the building, she let loose such a sound that even Hope jumped.

“He will live his life as a human. He cannot enter any packs, he cannot cross borders. Alpha Isaac will kill him.” Hope was quiet as they got into Cassidy’s car before she spoke again.

“Alpha Isaac would kill his own son?” The words were barely heard by the human and recognition flared in Cassidy at Hope’s words. If this was happening to Leo, would it happen to her?

“Leo Lockard committed treason. He endangered a pack member and murdered one.” A grimace crossed Cassidy’s face. Hope’s remained stunned.

“But, Talon died from the rouges, didn’t he?”

“Leo made sure that Talon would be killed. He tried to make it look as if I’d failed but too many people saw Leo take the rescuers down a different route to the one they’d been shown. No one questioned him because he was the Alpha’s son.” By the time they’d pulled up to their home, Hope’s face had gone from stunned, to angry, to heartbroken.

Once they were inside, she broke.

“He murdered Talon.” Her voice broke and tears were flooding.

Beta Matthew came home to find his two girls on the sofa. Cassidy had her arms around Hope who had cried herself to exhaustion.

He glanced up to his son, Jamie, who had been sat on the stairs. His eyes were wide before he registered his father was stood there.

“Is it true?” Matthew flinched. “Dad, is it true?”

“Leo Lockard killed Talon. He knowingly led the group away from their rescue point, trying to sabotage your sisters plan.”

“He tried, again?” Jamie’s eyes flashed in anger. Matthew sighed wearily.

“He was all for blaming her when they bought back Talon’s body and little Emilia who was barely alive. He didn’t realise that everyone in the rescue squad had served under Cass’s commands before and knew something was wrong.”

“All hell broke loose.” Jamie muttered.

When Jamie had gone to greet the rescue team, he found himself in shock at the arguments that were breaking out amongst the group, the anger and hatred. It was all directed at Leo Lockard who had used his superior position to shut them up.

Jamie’s eyes studied his father’s face and realised something else happened.

“What was it?”

Matthew’s eyes moved to the sleeping forms of his daughters and Jamie stiffened.

“Hope was his mate. He’d marked her so she’d never find someone. Made her feel everything. He wanted her to suffer.” It hurt Matthew to admit those words, but it had happened. And his heart broke for both of his girls.

Jamie felt his wolf surge in pure fury.

Most wolves ignored humans. When one was born into a pack, they looked after the human. Some would pick on the outsider but most made friends with the human.

Cassidy had both sides of it growing up.

When Jamie had been born only a year later, his wolf burst forward at the age of ten, shocking his father and Alpha. Even the Alpha’s son hadn’t shifted yet.

But his wolf was protective. Especially over Cassidy. When Hope came into their lives six years later at the age of eight, his wolf accepted her with ease.

His sisters were his to protect.

But hearing and knowing this great injustice done to both of his sisters, his rage peaked and Matthew barely had time to shove him from the house before he shifted and a baleful howl filled the air.

It was the howl that woke the girls up and Matthew greeted his very exhausted daughters.

“Jamie just heard the news then?” Cassidy commented dryly.

Matthew snorted.

“I barely had enough time to shove him out of the house before he shifted. He’s angry and upset for you both.”

Hope blushed. Despite being with them for six years, she still couldn’t understand the protectiveness from her older brother.

Cassidy snorted.

“Hope, you know as well as I do, he’s going to break Leo’s face. Personally I hope Alpha Isaac lets Jamie go into the pit with him.”

“Speaking of which.” Matthew stepped forward, kneeling in front of Cassidy and tenderly taking her hand in his. “You need to see the pack doctor.”

“No.”

Hope scowled at her sister.

“You broke your hand by the looks of it. Please?” Cassidy turned her attention from her father to her sister. Her sister pulled the sweet puppy eyes that crumbled her resistance with ease.

“Fine.”

It took an hour for the trio to get to the pack doctor. He looked stunned at the state of Cassidy’s arm.

“This should be a clean break.” Cassidy shot a look to her father, who shrugged in return. “I’ll put one of the smaller braces. Keep this on for a week. I’ll check on it then and we’ll go from there, okay?”

Despite Cassidy’s scowl, Matthew nodded. Hope giggled.

“Well, I’m still driving to the other packs. This has been planned for months.”

“No, you’re not. I’m driving you.” Jamie strolled into the holding area where they were waiting to have the brace put on. Cassidy shot a dark look at her brother.

“Don’t you dare. You need to train with Hope.”

“Cass!” Hope’s indignant shout echoed.

“What? He was going to find out from dad anyway.”

“Doesn’t mean you drop that on him after hearing what he did to us.” Hope snapped back and Cassidy grinned.

“Both of you shut up. Cass, what are you talking about?” Jamie looked between the two girls. Matthew sat back with a smirk on his lips.

“Introducing your future Luna.” She nodded to Hope, whose cheeks flooded with a violent red colour. Jamie took a minute to recover.

“You’re joking, right?”

“Nope.” Cassidy grinned, taking a small pleasure from the chagrined look on her baby sisters face. “She was Leo’s mate. He fucked up and lost his title but Alpha knew that it was her destiny. So, they performed some sort of ritual and she’s officially the next Luna when Alpha steps down. Her next mate won’t be able to take the title. It’s all on her.”

Matthew’s smirk turned into a full-blown grin during the explanation. Jamie’s jaw dropped.

“My baby sister is going to be my Alpha?” Jamie’s question told the three he was processing it before the biggest grin stretched across his face.

Hope shot a glare towards Cassidy.

“Wait, so does this mean I’ve got to do my training with Hope?”

“I’ve spoken to Isaac,” Matthew cut in before Cassidy could tease her sister anymore. She pouted at him. “You’ll have a bit of time off so that Hope can do some catch up training to a standard that can keep up with you. I don’t want either of you going, however I know that Talon was meant to take you.”

At his words, Cass lost the wind in her sails as her shoulders slumped.

“I want Jamie to take you,” Hope spoke up, her eyes on Cassidy. “he knows how to respect Alpha’s and I’ll be too busy to miss you. Not to mention I’ve got dad. Please Cass, don’t hold back on my account. You deserve to be just as happy.”

“You should have had that happiness.” Cassidy whispered.

Hope shrugged.

“I’ll get my chance. I’m fourteen, I’ve got my time yet. Cass, you’re twenty-two and not left the pack because you felt duty bound, but also sure that you didn’t have a soulmate because you’re human. Even Jamie found his. Please, for me?”

Like every other time, Cassidy knew she couldn’t deny her sisters pleas.

“I’ll go. But you need to look after dad. Who knows how many pizzas he’ll order?” Cassidy teased, Matthew shooting a mock look of hurt at his eldest.

Hope grinned.

“He’ll order as many as I ask him to.”

The four descended into laughter as the doctor returned and fitted Cassidy’s brace.

“That’s staying on for a month instead of a week. If you’re travelling, it stays on longer. Don’t argue with me on this one Cassidy.” The sharp look from the pack doctor stopped the protest that was forming on her lips and a grumbled acceptance was offered instead.

Jamie was sat in the beaten-up Jeep that was going to serve as their transport. Although having more than enough money to live off comfortably, Matthew taught them to be humble, like their mother had been.

Cassidy had always supported this and worked hard for her keep. But even for this one, Matthew made sure she had enough money for fuel and possible hotels.

Once the last bag was in the trunk of the Jeep, Alpha Isaac stepped forward and Cassidy formally bowed to her Alpha.

“Your home is always with us Cassidy. I promise that justice will be served by the pack before his public exile.” She nodded her head at him and he opened his arms out to her.

She flung herself at Isaac and clung onto him tightly.

Growing up as a human, she learned from the best. Alpha Lockard had been her mentor and Uncle growing up. He was family and she was going to miss him.

“Please stay safe little lion, or I’m sending an entire squad after you.” He joked and she laughed as she pulled away.

“I’m pretty sure that they’d be more than willing to go on a mission to drag me back here.”

Matthew laughed.

“I can list the squad that’d be formed myself.” He grinned and Cassidy stuck out her tongue before turning back to her Alpha.

“Please look after her. She’s my world.” Isaac nodded his head, pulling Cassidy in for another hug.

“You have my word. She’ll be unrecognisable when you come back to show off your mate.” He teased and she laughed once more before turning to her dad, who swept her up into his arms instantly.

“My baby girl is growing up.” He teased and she laughed.

“It’s a good job Jamie does handshakes then he’s ready to go.” Cassidy grinned at Matthew who laughed.

“You’re my eldest. My little girl. I have the pack link to check up on your brother and sister. But not you. This is terrifying.” He admitted softly. Isaac skilfully pretended to not hear this conversation.

“Mum will watch over me.” Cassidy whispered in return and he smiled at his daughter, tears shining.

“I have no doubt about that.” She placed a kiss to his cheek before letting go and turning to her little sister who flung herself at Cassidy.

Cassidy didn’t even attempt to hide her tears now. She was leaving her baby sister behind. It felt like all kinds of wrong.

“I promise I’ll text when I can and bug Jamie to change into an overgrown dog so that he can relay any messages I have for you. You’re going to be an amazing Luna, I promise you.” Hope laughed through her tears and Cassidy kiss her forehead.

“I’ll be back before you know it, okay?” Hope nodded before stepping back and letting Cassidy clamber into the Jeep.

Once the house was out of sight, Cassidy leaned back as she felt Jamie take her hand.

“They’ll be fine. Now c’mon. We’ve got months ahead together.

She was on the verge of giving up.

After visiting twenty-five packs over the past year and not finding her mate, Cassidy had had enough.

The time away from her own pack took its toll. She spoke to Hope daily and her father, but she missed them all.

Jamie was having the time of his life. He was lucky that his mate was still seventeen. They’d agreed to wait till she was eighteen to pursue anything, but they had marked each other rightfully. Even though he missed his mate, he enjoyed meeting the new packs.

Some were kind and accepting of the human and the wolf. Others scoffed at her until Jamie stepped up and they respected the requests, only because they knew that repercussions would hit them hard if they denied the daughter of the Beta.

As they reached pack number twenty-six, Cassidy was impressed that they were met with a line of wolves on the territory border for Vinewood Pack. The leader of that pack stood with his back straight, tattoos displayed and his eyes trained on their vehicle.

They stopped the Jeep away from the treaty line and walked the rest of the way. Cassidy had her eyes on the wolves to see their reactions to a human.

Two looked wide-eyed but the rest held stoic faces. She was mildly impressed.

“Good training for your newer wolves to learn how to react when facing with a human who was born into a pack.” Cassidy’s words held the tone of conversation, almost as if she were speaking about the weather.

It took thirty seconds before smiles cracked across the group and the one she dubbed as the leader, stepped forward to greet them.

“Looks like we have a feisty human,” He teased before holding out his hand. “Calum Hood, head Warrior.”

Jamie took his hand first.

“Jamie Hayden; son of Beta Hayden in Rosewood pack.” Calum nodded his head impressively before turning to Cassidy.

“Cassidy Hayden. Strategist for Rosewood pack and firstborn daughter to Beta Hayden.” At this, Calum’s eyes widened before letting out a low whistle.

“Word spread around that you’d climbed the ranks, but no one said how far you’d gone. Nice to meet you both. Alpha Irwin is currently in a meeting with another Alpha from a local pack, concerning a wolf turned human who seems to be attacking their pack. He’ll meet with you after, but for now I’m instructed to introduce you the rest of the pack.”

They both nodded and retreated to their Jeep. They followed the wolves and both shared a concerned look.

“Could it be him?”

“How many wolves have been turned human in the last twenty years Cass?”

She shuddered and sighed.

“Let’s get through this, if we’re unsuccessful, I want to go home.”

“Are you sure?” Jamie’s eyes moved from the wolves to his sister who was wearing such a forlorn look, he nearly stopped the car.

“You’ve got training. I can work on the rest of the packs with dad when he travels with Alpha Isaac. I miss them.”

“I know you do. Hope’s going to be dead excited to know you’re going back home.”

Cassidy grinned.

“I know.”

As they drove through the pack, Cassidy was impressed. They’d created a beautiful little community and once they reached the pack house, they realised that the Alpha must have been very much like their father.

What Cassidy knew about Alpha Irwin was that he was one of the youngest Alpha’s to have taken over a pack. At eighteen he was named Alpha when his father passed unexpectedly. The pack had only risen from that point.

Not only was he the youngest, but next to Alpha Isaac, he was the most respected.

Once they were out of the Jeep and had their things settled into separate rooms, Cassidy found a younger warrior wolf waiting for her outside of her door.

“Warrior Calum asked me to escort you to the meeting room where you will meet the Beta and Strategist. Alpha Irwin will be along as soon as possible.”

“Will you convey an apology to Warrior Calum and let him know I’ll be another ten minutes. I need to shower, it’s been a long journey.” There was a brief pause before the young warrior nodded his head and moved away from her door.

Cassidy made sure that she was ready within the ten minutes. Her shower had been brief, but it felt nice to have the journey washed from her body and hair.

Tying the wet hair into a ponytail, Cassidy made sure that she was dressed respectably before there was another knock at the door. The young warrior was back and this time she followed him quietly.

“As always, fashionably late.” Jamie teased her once she’d thanked the young warrior and entered the meeting room.

“Unlike you boys, I like to clean myself after a long journey.” She retorted childishly. Jamie rolled his eyes and Calum laughed.

“May I introduce to you, Beta Luke Hemmings.” Beta Hemmings held out his hand which Cassidy shook, a smile on her lips.

“And, this is Strategist Michael Clifford.” Again, Michael held out his hand to her which she took.

“Luke, Michael, this is Cassidy Hayden, Strategist for Rosewood pack and firstborn human daughter to Beta Hayden.”

Michael let out a whistle at this and Luke nodded.

“Feel free to call me Cassidy. I’m assuming you’ve met my brother, Jamie?” They nodded and Jamie rolled his eyes. “Don’t tempt me little brother. I’m being polite.” She shot at him and he smirked.

“So, Cassidy,” Michael stated “A human and strategist? That’s an impressive feat.

“When you work for something you want, anything is possible.” She shot back coldly. He raised his hands in defence.

“I have nothing against humans. It’s just an incredible sight.”

“Cass, he means no harm. They have two other humans born into their pack as well.”

Cassidy softened up considerably after that.

Between the five of them, they covered many topics before the door opened and Alpha Irwin finally walked in. They were discussing the possibilities of Cassidy doing a walk around town with a few of them to see if she could sense her mate.

“Alpha Irwin, pleasure to meet you.” Jamie started off.

“Pleasure’s mine. Jamie Hayden, right? Son of Beta Hayden and next in line for the title?” Jamie nodded, shocked that the Alpha knew his name and title. Shaking his hand, Alpha Irwin turned to Cassidy who smiled at him.

And it hit her like a ton of bricks.

She could feel the bonds connecting her to him. She could feel her body surging to close the distance between them both.

Alpha Irwin took her hand and shook it.

The sparks exploded instantly, taking her breath away.

“Cassidy Hayden. I’ve waited a long time to meet you.” His fingers hadn’t let go of her hand and Jamie finally laughed, breaking the two from the small world that had built around them in those few crucial seconds.

“Alpha Irwin, I’m going to ask permission for Beta Hemmings and Warrior Hood to show me the perimeters. I’ll also need to consult with Michael as well.” Jamie spoke up, a smirk on his lips.

“Sure, that’s fine.”

“Look after my sister please.” Was all he left with, the other three following curiously.

Cassidy didn’t hesitate to follow Alpha Irwin through the pack house, entering a beautifully done room.

“Please tell me that you’re not a human who is going to make me wait.” He whispered as he pressed her against the door.

Even if she had been one of those humans, feeling him against her would’ve changed her mind instantly.

“Do it. As long as you promise to treat me as your equal, nothing less.”

“You have my word Cassidy Hayden. You are my equal and nothing less. Will you let me complete the mating today?”

“Yes.” The whispered word was all he needed before his hands tore the clothes from their bodies. He carried her to the bed as he kissed her, his lips covering every inch of skin.

And despite the hasty start, he explored her body. Brought her to orgasm a handful of time as he found what she liked and what made her body shake from intensity.

“Mark me.”

Ashton Irwin didn’t need to be told twice. He built her up again, before sliding himself into her. He was patient as she readjusted and then suddenly he was moving again and every thrust seemed to fill her body with this need, even as she built up to another orgasm, his lips almost worshipping her body.

But as they both orgasmed, his canines found the sweet flesh that made her body tingle and he sunk them into the skin.

It was enough to drive Cassidy over the edge, stars blinding her vision as she cried out his name like a prayer on her lips. His own chanting her name like she was a goddess.

It took them awhile to recover, and she was unwilling to move. He was unwilling to relinquish his grasp on her.

“Tell me about yourself, Cass.” Even her nickname sounded like heaving coming from his lips.

As she began to tell him about her life, his lips worked down her body. They worked her breasts, body before finally reaching her clit.

She continued telling him, realising that if she stopped, he stopped. He pushed her over the brink again and again.

It was only when she was left pleading him to stop, to do something about her heat.

Round two was much longer than round one, and they’d both learned about each other quicker than anything.

He was everything she wanted and more.

And he was hers.

Dinner was ignored in favour of spending time with each other, and Cassidy could have cared less.

“So, my sweet human,” Ashton teased, his lips brushing against her forehead and she grinned, “How did it come to you travelling?”

The two were lay together in his bed, her leg over his and her body pressed against his side, her head resting on his shoulder.

“I stopped myself from finding my mate by being home-schooled. Kids were cruel at first, but I could deal with that. But when the Alpha’s son came to school, I couldn’t cope.” Cassidy admitted quietly. Ashton tensed up briefly, but her hand tracing delicate lines against his chest reminded him that she was here with him.

“What happened?” He asked softly.

“He used to attack me. State my human freakishness shouldn’t be inflicted upon other wolves. I was the freak of nature and needed to be exterminated.”

Ashton growled which made Cassidy jump. She didn’t protest when she was pulled tighter against him.

“Most kids didn’t argue with him because he was the Alpha’s son. They didn’t want to anger their Alpha and future Alpha. So, they let it happen. It was when he threatened to kill me when school finished, I ran home. He said he’d make it a hunt so I ran home and hid. My dad came home and heard my terrified cries. I never told him, but he guessed.”

“He pulled you from school, then?”

“He spoke to Alpha Isaac who agreed it would be safer. I received private tutoring from my Alpha and dad. It kept me safe.”

“How did you come to be the Strategist? It took Michael three years to get that spot and even now he’s still learning.” Cassidy looked thoughtful as she let her lips press against his chest.

The tingles appeared and she felt her body relax further. She knew that down the road, she would never tire of that feeling.

“At first, I thought it was my Alpha taking pity on me. Many others did as well, so he laid out one of his previous battle plans that had failed and asked me what should have been done differently. I proved everyone, including myself, wrong that day. The next day Alpha inducted me into his close circle and told me of the future-plans and raids into the rogue territory.” Cassidy caught herself and blushed. Ashton laughed.

“Your secrets are safe with me, love.” He whispered, placing a delicate kiss below her ear.

“Thank you.” The words were a whisper but he appreciated it all the same.

Using his position, Ashton rolled over, pinning his mate beneath him and looked at her with such a look of awe and pride, Cassidy blushed.

“My mate is utterly incredible. You’ll make a wonderful Luna. I’ll travel back to your pack to meet your Alpha and father and we’ll come up with a peace treaty. I’ve never had a problem with Rosewood pack, and now I don’t need to have any problems.”

“They’d like that. Jamie misses home, I just miss my sister.” She whispered and Ashton placed his own strategic kisses and her trail of thought was rapidly disappearing.

“Let me show my mate how proud I am, we’ll deal with everything else tomorrow.”

Cassidy couldn’t argue.

When the two emerged from his room the next morning, the four boys were positively smug. Jamie looked a bit apprehensive. But when Ashton placed a kiss to Cassidy’s temple, he relaxed significantly.

“We managed to get some discussion done, and we’re going to head over to Rosewood to outline a treaty and alliance.” Ashton had carried his sentence on, ignoring the smirks and snickers from his pack mates.

Jamie managed to restrain his amusement to a smirk.

“Would you like me to make Alpha Lockard aware?” Ashton nodded in appreciation at Jamie’s offer.

“That would be much appreciated. I need to organise my own pack meeting, so that everyone can meet their new Luna.” Cassidy flushed at his words and felt her nerves skyrocketing.

“Will they like me?” Ashton stared at her in shock at the words and Jamie’s look of understanding made him frown.

“But, why wouldn’t they?” Michael piped up, staring at her in total confusion. Luke and Calum wore similar looks to their Alpha and Cassidy found herself feeling unsure.

Jamie saved her from answering.

“She’s scared. Cassidy is a human in a world of wolves and supernatural beings. A lot of our pack shunned her because she would never be like them. How would your pack react to a human Luna?” He paused as he let the information sink in, turning his attention to Ashton. “Everyone who has grown up in the supernatural world knows, that a wolf's only weakness is their mate. Cassidy is a human mate. She knows the dangers of being a human and she’s seen the aftereffects of losing a mate.”

Cassidy shuddered. Ashton shifted his attention to his mate, placing a hand over hers. She gave him a weak smile.

“I’m scared of how they’ll react to a human Luna. A Luna who is a weak spot for their Alpha and the weakest link in the pack.”

The siblings’ words sunk in and Ashton found himself in a position he never thought he’d be in. His heart was overcome with fear for his mate, his mind going over every possible packmate, singling out those who had attack the two humans in their pack.

Luke, Michael and Calum were thinking along the same lines and suddenly the entire thing had become real.

“The warriors know better than to harm a human of the pack, let alone their Luna. They’ve been trained to protect and defend.” Calum broke the silence first.

“They’ll need to understand that even though I’m human, I can run with the wolves.” Cassidy put in and Ashton snorted in amusement. Jamie grinned.

“The warriors we can work a rotation out maybe?” Ashton glanced to his mate who nodded in approval.

“My safety comes first, I get that. But don’t lock me away. I need to be a Luna as well.” She gave Ashton a pointed look who nodded and Luke’s face broke out into a genuine grin.

“It would teach the pack children how to act towards their human packmates.” Michael pointed out and Cassidy smiled.

“I can also spend time with the human packmates because I understand more than anyone how they might feel.” She broke in and Ashton’s heart swelled.

He knew that the human packmates were barely teens and children truly were cruel. Not to mention those that find their mates within the pack ranks find them around the ages of adolescents.

They continued to work out ideas and possibilities.

Jamie contacted his Alpha and they were set to travel home the next day.

Ashton had kissed his mate goodbye and dragged Luke and Calum with him to meet with the Gamma and their own Elders to work out the pack things that needed to be run in his absence.

“How about we go and visit the human pack members? They might be able to believe in themselves if they can see their Luna is a human who is also a strategist.”

Cassidy shot Michael a smug grin at his words. He just grumbled before grinning at her. She knew he was teasing.

Michael attended to visit along with three warriors. Jamie admitted to staying behind because he needed to call their dad. Cassidy accepted that as they left and the five of them headed out into the pack town in the black jeep.

“You guys use jeeps instead of SUV’s?” Cassidy was situated in between two warriors, Josh and Jacob. They were twins who had just passed their final exams with the warriors and were fully fledged. Both had been impressed to learn their first assignment was to watch over their new Luna.

Michael was driving and next to him sat the youngest of the three warriors, Abel.

Abel answered readily, having been prepared. He was just shy of his eighteenth birthday and still had eight months of training before his final exam. This was a trial to see how he would handle grouped situations.

“SUVs attract attention and scream out importance. Jeeps like this, highlight travelling and safety.” He indicated to the reinforced metal bars on the roof and inside of the car.

Cassidy nodded in appreciation.

“Any of you found your mates yet?” The question was curious enough and she was pleased by the smiles on each of them.

Then it hit her why they’d been picked. They knew what a mate meant. They understood the emotions and therefore knew how to protect their Alpha’s mate.

Jacob went first.

“I met mine when I was fourteen. Been together for six years.”

“What’s her name?”

“Sadie. Pretty blonde who loves watching TV shows and horror films…” He trailed off with a sheepish grin. Cassidy grinned.

“What about you, Josh?” He shot her a very shy glance and mumbled under his breath. Michael snorted.

“The human can’t hear you when you mumble.” She teased playfully. Josh’s cheeks flushed as the other three laughed.

“I met my mate two years-ago. His name is Caleb.” Was the quiet whisper. Cassidy didn’t even pause as her smile grew.

“What does he do?” Her enthusiasm didn’t go unnoticed. Michael smiled as they drove onto the street where one of the humans lived with her family.

“He, uh teaches the younger pups. He’s an assistant.”

“Do you think I could meet him? I had been planning to work in one of the schools alongside my strategist job and maybe introducing newer things into curriculum. Mainly things that even humans could do so that the pups don’t push them away if there were any future humans born to a pack of wolves.” She spoke with ease and Josh’s entire body relaxed at her statement.

It wasn’t common for same sex mates, but they still happened. And there was always those that held firm beliefs of the wrongness of it.

Cassidy had never even considered those beliefs and embraced the same sex mates fully.

“I haven’t actually met my mate yet, Luna. But my little sister met hers. She turns sixteen and she’s been talking to our parents about loosening some restrictions.” Abel admitted and she giggled.

“This is our first stop. Luna, please wait a moment so the warriors can scout.” She nodded her head and sat back as the three warrior wolves left the car and scouted for a few moments.

“Josh was very nervous to admit to his mate. Does he get ridiculed by others?” The question was curiosity mixed with sadness. Michael sighed.

He heard Josh through the pack link, telling Michael that he was okay with his story being explained by another.

“Growing up, Josh realised that he liked boys long before he met his mate. He knew instantly that he would be disgraced and so he tried to ignore the fact that if he met his female mate, he’d have to break her heart, or beg her to understand.”

“He still had to beg, but to his family?” Michael nodded.

“She did something that any wolf will cringe at. She took a scalding hot poker made of silver and branded him. Scarred his body and left him dying in the street.”

Cassidy remembered his words that he’d met his mate two years ago, and she felt nauseous.

“All clear Michael.” Came through Abel’s voice. Cassidy left the jeep silently and she worked through the different emotions she could feel, so she could greet the human child.

Michael knocked on the door as Cassidy turned to Josh.

“Can we talk when we’ve done this?” He looked hesitant but nodded. She smiled at him in return before turning her attention to the door that was opening.

“Mr. Clifford, I wasn’t expecting any callers today.” The woman’s voice filtered through. Cassidy could see her eyeing the warrior wolves wearily.

“It’s okay Mrs. Teller. The new Luna wanted to meet young Trix.” Michael stepped aside to reveal Cassidy to Mrs. Teller who stiffened and eyed her new Luna cautiously.

“Luna.” She murmured, bowing politely.

“Nice to meet you Mrs. Teller. I felt that Trix was someone I wanted to talk to before the pack met their Luna.”

Mrs. Teller hesitated for a second, disarmed by the charming smile on Cassidy’s lips.

“Please, call me Rae.” The woman stepped aside. Josh and Abel went in first, Cassidy following with Michael and Jacob behind her.

Once they were in the living room, Rae offered for Cassidy and Michael to sit, knowing the warriors would want to stay on their feet. She wasn’t wrong as they changed themselves to different strategic positions in the room. Eyes always moving.

She shuddered.

“Trix, come down for Mama please, I have some people who I want you to meet.” The thud of feet along the hallway upstairs and then thundering down the stairs made Cassidy smile.

She watched as a young girl, no older than seven came barrelling into the room and aiming straight for her mother.

“Mama, I managed to make the car move! I had to tap the wires together and the car went super-fast!” She regaled breathlessly. Rae smiled before taking Trix’s hand.

“That’s lovely dear. I’d like you to meet our new Luna.” She nodded to Cassidy and suddenly the little girl became aware of the other people in the room. Her wide eyes took in the bulky masses of the warriors before turning to Michael and Cassidy, both watching Trix.

Instantly she blushed before nodding to the Luna.

“Why’d you want to meet me Mi-Luna?” Cassidy grinned and shifted her body in the direction of the child.

“Well, I heard from Alpha Irwin that you’re not like other wolves, you're human.” She started carefully. Instantly Trix looked crestfallen.

“Am I not allowed to play with the others anymore?”

“And why would you think that, little one?” Cassidy patted the spot between her and Michael. Trix had hesitated, but after glancing back to her mother who nodded, she sat in between them both and turned to look at Cassidy.

“The big ones always tell me that Luna won’t let a runt like me stay here. They-” Trix hesitated, shooting a terrified glance to her mother, “when they corner me, they laugh when I cry for mama and tell me that Luna will toss me out so I have to get used to fighting without Mama around.”

Three growls from the warriors made Trix shrink into Cassidy who instinctively wrapped an arm around the small girl’s shoulders. Rae stared at her daughter before hurrying into the kitchen. Cassidy didn’t need the super hearing to hear the poor woman burst into tears at her daughter’s admittance.

She shot a pointed look to Michael who nodded. The warriors closed in slightly. Trix trembled as they drew in closer.

“Abel, please sit down, you’re scaring her. Jacob, please get young Miss Teller a glass of water, or perhaps a cup of warm cocoa?” She glanced at the girl who stared at Cassidy in wonder before the small girl herself burst into tears.

All her mind could think of was ‘This wonderful lady cares’. Cassidy could feel her own tears as the warriors obeyed her without question.

Abel was sat across from her and his eyes were on the small girl shaking in his Luna’s arms.

His wolf was howling in such delight because his mate was the nine-year-old girl. Abel already knew that he’d wait for eternity for the girl.

Cassidy looked up to see Abel’s look of bewildered astonishment and she clicked what had happened. She smiled at him and nodded, a silent promise to calm his young mate down. He grinned in return, eyes returning to watching out of the windows, tracking movements and rustles.

“Trixie, can I call you Trixie?” Trix nodded to her Luna as Cassidy pulled her away, wiping the little girls tears from her cheek. “Do you want to know something amazing? And you can tell those big bullies about this, it’ll make them think twice about hurting you again.”

Her eyes caught movement and she saw Rae Teller re-enter the room with Michael, eyes rimmed red. She offered a weak smile and nod at her Luna.

Cassidy returned her attention to the small girl that was now staring at her curiously, tears still pouring from her eyes.

“I’m human too.” Her eyes went wide at the statement and Cassidy could see the amazement flicker through her face. “And you know what else?”

“What?” Trix whispered, but Cassidy knew every wolf in the room heard her.

“If those big bullies even try to come after you again, your Luna and her big bad warrior will come and protect you.” She nodded to Abel who returned his gaze now that Jacob was back in the room with a cup of hot cocoa. Trix took in Abel’s appearance and her eyes widened once more, looking back to Cassidy.

“Will he be there to help?” She asked quietly. Cassidy grinned and she was sure that Josh and Jacob would be laying into Abel the minute they left the home.

“I can do one better. He’s your warrior sweet one. He’ll protect you and make sure those big bullies stay away.” The little girl gasped in astonishment before looking at Abel again.

The grin on his lips told Cassidy everything.

“He’ll be my warrior?” Cassidy nodded. “What about the other two scary ones?” At this, Cassidy snorted.

“They’re big teddy bears.” She shot a glance to the twins who had goofy grins on already. Watching their Luna made their wolves within more determined to protect and please their Luna. “Because they’re big teddy bears it means that to you only, they’ll be your big brothers. They’ll help you when those bullies try anything.”

“Wow.” The amazed little girl whispered before giving a pleading look to her Luna. “Will you come with me when I have to go back next week. The others were told to bring in someone who helped them when they first transitioned.” She admitted quietly.

Cassidy had hated it when Jamie had come in barrelling home and proclaimed to their dad that he needed to go with him to school for the project.

She glanced to Michael. He nodded his head.

“Well, seeing as today is Monday, I have plenty of time. What day is it next week Trixie?” The little girl looked stunned that her Luna was considering this.

“It’s on Friday! Will you really come?”

“I’ll have to be away from town for a week from tomorrow, but I’ll certainly be there on Friday. Does that sound okay to you?”

Cassidy was rewarded with the tightest cuddle, making her giggle.

“I think that’s a yes, Luna.” Michael teased and Rae managed to laugh.

“I think so too. But whilst I’m gone, Abel, Josh and Jacob will help you. They’ll look after you. But why don’t you take up your hot cocoa, because I’m sure that the pack can do with more genius’ who are as bright as you are.” Trixie didn’t need to be told twice.

But before she picked up her drink, she hugged Abel, who was closest and waved to the twins, taking her cup and scampering up the stairs.

Rae Teller sat down opposite her Luna and promptly burst into tears once more.

“I’m so sorry that this is happening to your daughter. It shouldn’t happen.” Cassidy murmured.

“Is it true that you’re human?” At this, the three wolves guffawed.

Michael broke in.

“Any wolf wouldn’t dare call a warrior a teddy bear, Luna or not. As a human, she can get away with a lot.” Cassidy raised an eyebrow before grinning at Michael.

“You’ll learn more about me at the pack meeting. I wanted to get to know the two human children in this pack because I wanted them to know that they too can be great.”

“Thank you Luna, I’ve been so worried and when she came home with bruises, it’s scared me and I’m so sorry, but I’m so happy and-”

Cassidy cut the woman off by hugging her. She froze before relaxing into the hug.

“That little girl is so very special. Not just because she’s human, but her mate is someone who will protect her till his last breath.”

Rae pulled away then, her eyes wide. Cassidy glanced to Abel who nodded silently.

“How can you be so sure?” She asked so wearily. Cassidy smiled.

“Let me introduce you to your daughters mate, Abel.” She nodded at the warrior sat down and Mrs Teller felt every fear drain from her body.

“You’ll take care of my little girl?”

“Ma’am, I will protect her,” The twins’ laughter interrupted then, he scowled at both, “no matter what. Luna was right, she’s special. And probably will turn out to be a genius. She’ll be bossing us warriors around before long.” That shut the twins up.

Michael laughed.

“Oh my goddess, you are a gift from the moon goddess herself Luna. Thank you so much.” Rae Teller honestly thought her heart was going to burst from excitement. Her little girl was safe.

“You have my word Mrs Teller, she’ll be the most protected child. And anyway, when she’s due to go into high school, I’ll talk to the Alpha about tutoring her. It worked for me. It’ll surely work for your daughter and the other child.”

This time Mrs Teller initiated the hug that Cassidy returned.

When they finally left the home, Trix returning downstairs to give each of them hugs, saving the last two for Abel and Cassidy.

Once the door was shut and they were in the jeep, Josh and Jacob reached forward to punch their comrade in the shoulder.

“Congrats brother!” Jacob crowed and Michael laughed.

“Man my wolf is at peace. Thanks Luna.”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“On the contrary! You helped set up a schedule so that Abel will be within proximity to his made to keep his wolf satisfied. You’ve helped a lot.” Michael explained and Cassidy flushed.

The other human was on the other side of the town. They pulled up and witnessed a small child being attacked by kids that were clearly bigger than them.

“Abel, Jacob go.” Cassidy ordered. The two needed no further instruction as they launched from the car, their warning growls causing the attackers to freeze before running. Jacob shifted and went after them.

“Michael?”

"Got it." He was out of the car fast and Abel took off after Jacob, heads peeking out from doors as the growls reverberated around the street.

Cassidy and Josh finally got out and went over to Michael.

“Of course you all take note when there is a growl, but a crying child falls on deaf ears that are sensitive to noise.” She snapped at those that were peering to take a closer look.

“You don’t boss us around lady!” Another snapped back and Michael held Cassidy back from ripping into him.

Doors slammed and she turned her attention to the child.

“What’s your name sweet thing?”

The child finally uncovered their face once they realised that they were safe. Cassidy wished she could snarl. Another girl, a little older than Trix by the looks of it.

“Don’t know my name.” She muttered. Dirt and grime covered the girl from head to toe. Cassidy shot a panicked look to Michael whose hands were shaking.

“Where do you live little one?” The girl shrugged again and pointed to the house they were stood in front of.

“They never let me in. Sleep outside like the runt I am. Got a house round back.” At her words, Josh slipped into the back garden. He returned with a look of disgust mixed with shock and pity.

Cassidy could feel her temper rising.

“It’s a dog kennel, Luna. They feed her scraps.” He whispered and she felt her anger double.

“We’re taking you to the doctor. No arguments little one.” She whispered. “Tell Jacob and Abel to bring the children they round up to the pack house. Michael, direct link with Ashton, he’ll pay attention to you. Tell him to organise the pack meeting tonight. Josh, call in a group to take these wolves into some sort of custody. Michael, alert the pack house that there will be an extra guest. Contact Mrs. Teller, let her know to bring Trixie with her to the pack house.”

Josh carried the small girl to the car as both he and Michael linked to the people they needed.

He lay the girl on the backseat with Cassidy who had her head lay in her lap, stroking the girls matted hair.

How dare they do this to a defenceless child.

“Alpha is setting up for the emergency pack meeting. The response unit are picking up the wolves before Alpha sends out the call for a pack meeting. He wants to talk to you when we get back.

“You tell him I’ll be sat with the little one as her acting guardian whilst the pack doctor looks over her and I’ll be with her until Mrs Teller and Trixie arrive.”

The rest of the journey was silent.

When they reached the main pack house that housed the Alpha, Cassidy noted the pack doctor outside, waiting. Josh picked up the small girl and followed the doctor who looked horror struck. Ashton watched, crestfallen.

Cassidy walked over to him, capturing his attention.

“I know we wanted to wait, but I refuse to stand by and let those abusers get away with this.” She practically snarled.

“Are you sure you’re not a wolf, love? You snarl like one.”

Jamie greeted the couple with a laugh.

“She learned from me when I first shifted. Dad always said that her bad habits are my fault.” This made Cassidy smile.

They trooped into the room where the pack doctor was. She could see the look of horror on the pack doctors face and she pulled her Alpha and Luna aside, casting a daring glance at Jamie.

“He’s my brother, he’ll protect her whilst we have privacy.” Cassidy assured her and that was all it took before the two were ushered into a separate room where the doctor exploded.

“They beat and raped a defenceless child.” She snarled. Tears were falling from her eyes as the couple stiffened in shock. Cassidy felt her insides churn and Ashton felt his anger burn up.

“How long?” Despite having spent little time with her mate, Cassidy sensed the danger in her mate’s voice. For a fleeting second, she felt proud. For an Alpha to show the danger within his tone was impressive.

She was brought back down to earth at the doctors whispered words.

“Years. This has been happening for years.” Cassidy gripped Ashton’s hand tightly, a silent reminder for him to not shift in this small office, but also to hold herself back from going after those pathetic wolves.

Bullying was one thing, but this was neglect and abuse.

“Please, tell me that never happened to you?” Cassidy sensed the danger of answering and so she stepped in front of him, allowing the doctor to leave the room for them.

His arms wound around her tightly as he pulled her closer, his nose trailing along her neck.

“I was bullied, kids hurt me and Leo, he tried to had Jamie not smelt my blood. Nothing what that girl has suffered ultimately. Dad would’ve died if he lost me and mum so close together.” She whispered and he let loose such a guttural snarl, Cassidy found herself shaking in her mate’s arms.

“If ever Leo Lockard tries to seek out refuge, he will be killed on the spot. I would go after the others in that pack but I do not want war.” He finally ground out, his eyes flashing amber.

Cassidy gave him a smug grin.

“They got their comeuppance. Trust me. But please, you’re going to be scaring that poor girl and I need her to trust us.” Ashton sighed, hiding his face against his mate’s neck, her hair and skin almost drowning his senses in her scent.

Finally, when he was calm, they left the office. The pack doctor looked fleetingly panicked, but Cassidy smiled at her, reassuring. She shared a knowing look with Jamie who felt his features morph into a look of wariness. He understood the look and what she’d just told her mate.

“We have a town auditorium. It can house the wolves easily. How do you want to go about this?” He asked her quietly as they sat by the girls bedside. She’d fallen asleep as the doctor was working. Because she was underage and had no reasonable guardian to look over her, Ashton remained as acting guardian, Cassidy by his side.

“I want you to introduce your new mate. I want those that sneered at me on the street to see their mistakes. I want them to know I may be human but I will not tolerate their sneers nor their snide remarks. I will not bow to the wolves that think they are better than me because they have the genetics and I don’t.”

It hit Ashton very fast as he stared at his mate in awe. The bond was usually there to help feelings develop over time, people were never sure of their other half. They both felt sure. Allowing him to mark her told Ashton that, and letting her do the same to him spoke volumes.

But the feeling of love, pride and adoration, it hit him all at once.

His mate was incredible. And he was the lucky bastard that got to keep her all to himself.

Cassidy greeted Mrs Teller and Trix in the open spaced lounge. Those that helped keep the pack house in top shape were preparing for the pack meeting over in the auditorium. Cassidy had requested that they make sure the guests in the holding cells were hydrated and alive.

“I didn’t expect to see you again so soon, Luna.” Mrs Teller stammered and Cassidy smiled at them gently, assurances in the smile as she opened her arms to Trix who hugged her tightly.

“I know, it’s a bit soon. My mate will be along in a moment, but I wish to ask about home life. I take it your husband works?” At this, her shoulders became a little more straighter.

“He trains the warriors. He’s classed as an elder due to a longstanding family genetic that means he can no longer help with the raids and protections, but he’s a hard worker and proud of his little girl.” She smiled at Trix who had not released her Luna yet.

She was still too excited that her Luna was a human and very smart.

“I see my Luna has been taken hostage, I must admit defeat to the scary human holding her.” Ashton’s voice reached them. Trix giggled as she hid herself against Cassidy and Rae Teller looked like she wanted to tell her daughter to let go.

“But Alpha, she’s a clever human, and says I’m one too. She told me that I’ve got my own warrior too. How cool is that Alpha?” Trix didn’t notice her mother’s distress and Ashton laughed at the enthusiastic girl. He got down to her level and held his own arms out.

“Well if your Luna gets cuddles, what ‘bout that old Alpha of yours, huh?” He teased playfully, a smile on his lips. Rae Teller relaxed instantly.

Cassidy giggled with Trix.

“But Luna is my friend. She’s dead clever and told me I was clever just like her. If I hug you she might get sad that I ain’t hugging her no more.” Ashton pouted at the little girl who then hesitated, glancing up at Cassidy.

“You tell him he can’t be big bad Alpha to you or your Luna will beat him up.” She whispered conspiratorially to the little girl who looked positively gleeful.

“If I hug you, you can’t be big bad Alpha to me, cause my Luna will come beat you up and save me.” She nodded at him, unawares he’d heard perfectly clear what his mate had whispered.

“I think I can do that, I mean you’re a genius human and I always need to train genius humans, don’t I?” At this, her gleeful squeal hit them as she launched into her Alpha and he swept her up with a laugh.

“Are you sure, he’s the Alpha and I don’t want her-”

“Rae, it’s fine. He’ll act like this with her pretty much any time he sees her now. I’ll explain it all if you’ll allow and not mind that he’s going to steal her away to his office for twenty minutes to see how he can tutor her?” Rae nodded and Cassidy pulled the young woman towards the side of the house that housed the pack doctor and the small infirmary.

There were more surgeries scattered around the town, as Cassidy learnt, but the pack doctor at the house was the Alpha in respects of the doctors.

“We went to visit the second child today, situated on the other side of town. When we got there, a bunch of teenagers were attacking someone. Of course Abel and Jacob chased them down, they’re currently standing guard till the pack meeting, however we realise it was the other human girl. Her family tossed her outside to live in a kennel. She’s been beaten, and raped. She’s had the worst of the worst thrown at her.”

Rae Teller trembled as tears threatened her once more. The poor girl must have been terrified, and not to mention that it could have happened to her own little girl, aside from tossing her into a kennel. Rae Teller was not about to do that to her only daughter.

“Why are you telling me, Luna?”

“Because I’m asking for your permission, after the pack trial, I want you to take in this little girl and give Trixie a sister who is the same as her. I want you to love this little girl like you love your daughter.”

And then something triggered inside of Rae Teller. Her wolf sensed the child and she found herself scared for her little girl, glancing above them.

“Trixie is safe as sound with her Alpha. But this little girl has no one.” Cassidy whispered and when Rae Teller laid her eyes on the broken little girl, she wept like she had the day when her daughter was born.

“Oh my poor baby, of course I’ll take you in as mine.” She cried, the girl finally pulling her eyes wide enough to realise there was a weeping woman and her saviour.

“Hello little one, how do you feel?” Cassidy asked softly as Rae composed herself.

“Hurt, but that nice doctor did things and made the pain go away. She fixed the pain between my legs and put something on my cuts.” The girl muttered. Cassidy kept a gentle smile on her lips.

“Good. This lady here, her little girl is human like you, but her little girl is happy.”

“You don’t hurt her?” The girl asked sharply. Rae Teller shook her head and clasped her hands around one of the girls.

“Goddess no, I love my little girl so much. But I heard that the people that were meant to be your family hurt you. They shouldn’t have done that. I wanted to ask if you’d consent to stay with me, my husband and our little girl. And be her big sister?”

She hesitated.

“I promise that we won’t do to you what those monsters did. Not to mention, Alpha and his Beta will teach you as well. You’ll be a smart little girl who can protect someone else like her.” The idea was appealing, so Cassidy finally stepped in.

“I’ll be with both of you as well when I come back from my old pack. I’m not a wolf like them, I’m human too.” She whispered and suddenly the girl nodded, crying as she did.

“They never wanted me an’ I never want them, please don’t make me go back.” She sobbed into Rae who shifted herself and pulled the girl into a protective hold.

Ashton entered then, with Trixie sat on his shoulders.

“So this is the other human?” She asked quietly. Ashton nodded.

“And she’ll be your big sister if you ask her nicely.” Cassidy’s sly comment made Trixie gasp excitedly.

“Will you be my big sister? My warrior can protect us both and we’ll both have big brothers who are teddy bears!” She exclaimed from the top of Ashton’s shoulders, causing her crying to subside.

“I’ll be your big sister, but I don’t know my name.” She admitted quietly.

“What about Roxy? Cause I’m called Trix an’ Luna calls me Trixie.” The little girl pondered that, but hesitated.

“How about Roxanne?” Rae suggested softly and the girl nodded.

Cassidy explained to the family what was about to happen. Rae assured them that her husband would be there to witness the public pack trial and that he was more than happy to take in Roxanne.

Cassidy left the office with a smug air about her.

“How long till the pack trial?” She questioned silently as they headed back to his room.

“We still have hours yet, and by god I want to see that look on your face above me please.” He rasped as his lips latched onto hers once they were in the confines of his room.

She didn’t argue as she teased him and the smug feeling filled her just as he did, his teeth sinking into her mark just as she did to him when they climaxed.

It was certainly something else, but they held each other hostage for little over an hour before they finally made themselves look respectable. Cassidy had found one of her more promising outfits, a regal dress that Ashton commented made her look fierce and confident.

By the time of the pack meeting, the auditorium was filled. Ashton stepped out onto the stage, standing on the podium, Cassidy was just in the wings.

“Tonight, I greet you with some wonderful and tragic news. I will greet you with the wonderful news of my mate,” He paused as people cheered for their Alpha. “And I’d like to introduce her. Cassidy Hayden of the Rosewood pack.”

Cassidy took her cue and stepped out, smiling to the tentative cheers from the pack. She knew that their wolves were wondering why they couldn’t quite feel the bond of their Luna like they did their Alpha.

“As you may have possibly guessed, she is a human. Born to the Beta of the Rosewood, she rose the ranks and excelled most of the wolves from her generation. She was the strategist for them and now Luna for you. And she has some words she wanted to share.”

Instead of outright hostility, she noted the looks of fear from those who had dismissed her earlier in the day, but a few cheered. One of them she guessed was Mr. Teller.

“I know it’s a shock to you all, a human Luna. However, I am making a promise to you tonight to do my best to rule with my mate, and understand issues amongst pack life. I will bring up the tragic news that my mate wanted to tell you, because this currently ties in with a few things.” She paused, looking around.

“I will not, in any way tolerate anybody causing grief to a human member of the pack. I want you to support them like you support each wolf. I became a strategist of my previous pack. Just think how far and how high a human would reach with the right push? Which brings me to my next point and a rule that is being enforced as of today.” She glanced to Ashton who nodded his head, a smile on his lips.

“Abuse of a human within the pack will not be tolerated. Abuse of a wolf will not be tolerated, however with the pack so closely linked, an abused wolf is quickly found and cared for. A human is not. Today I went to greet the two human children that are pack members. One is a girl under the age of ten, who has been beaten up by bullies who think they are better than her. You will instil in your children that this will not be tolerated any longer. Today we caught six young wolves attacking the second child in the middle of the street, yet no one heard the cries for help.” Her gaze landed on a group clustered together, her eyes darkening into a scowl.

“Don’t you dare disrespect me like you did today. You didn't know I was Luna, granted but you shouldn’t disrespect anyone, let alone one who is travelling with three warriors and the Alpha’s right hand.” Growls erupted then.

“You disrespected the Luna?!”

“How stupid are you?”

“QUIET.” Ashton snarled, the crowd falling silent once more.

“The poor girl was kicked out into a kennel where she had been fed scraps of meat occasionally. She was filthy, but as well as the neglect and abuse, the poor child had been raped. She is less than fifteen years old. How can you stand by and let that happen without your sensitive ears not picking up her distress?” She ground out.

Growls were rolling in once more.

“The adults of the family are facing a pack trial. Tonight. The children will be judged by their Alpha at a later date.” She snapped, her temper breaking lose for a moment.

The pack went silent. They’d not had to do a pack trial in decades.

Things changed then, the warriors positioned them around the stage as they pulled the family members in front of the packs.

Two women, two men. Two were clearly elders and the other two were the parents.

They snarled about a runt of a human, they said humans had no place in the pack and Cassidy lost her temper. Ashton didn’t even attempt to stop her.

“As a human myself I’m living proof that we each have a place in this pack.” They froze at her words. “You attacked a child and abused her. You have no say on whether humans have a place or not because you certainly don’t.”

They tried to call her a liar and something snapped completely. She took the dagger from the closest warrior, one laced with silver and sliced her hand.

The wolves yelped but she didn’t flinch. She bled and bled. No super healing like the wolves had. Suddenly all protests fell silent.

Ashton had to stop himself from launching at his mate to prevent that, but he knew they needed to see the truth.

The pack judged. And instead of exile they called for execution.

Things calmed once the entire meeting had settled once the family was dragged off, their protests falling on deaf ears.

“Because my mate is from Rosewood pack, I’m planning to be away for a week. Look to the superiors for help and stay vigilant. Don’t let this tear us apart.”

With those words, he and Cassidy swept from the room. Each male knew that they would not be meeting their Luna properly until they returned.

Ashton didn’t disappoint. He swept Cassidy to his room and neither were seen till the early hours of the morning, marks fresh and a freshly bandaged hand.

Jamie snickered at the pair.

Cassidy sat in the front with her brother, Calum, Luke and Ashton situated in the backseat. Michael waved them off with Roxanne and Trixie. The Tellers were staying in the pack house whilst things were arranged for them to move closer to the pack house.

Two pack cars followed behind them, two warriors in one and three in another.

Most of the journey was slept away by the three wolves in the backseat. Cassidy and Jamie were wide awake as they inched closer to their home.

“How does it feel to be going home Jamie?” Glimpsing at his sister, Jamie shrugged.

“My wolf feels ready for his mate. It feels like home. What about you?”

“Scared, excited. I’ve missed them, but I already miss Ashton’s pack.” She admitted quietly.

“There’s nothing wrong with feeling like that. I know that Luna Lockard felt the same way when she first met Alpha. Do you remember the day that she came back after they’d gone to visit her parents?” She nodded her head. Leo hadn’t been born by then.

“She scooped us both up and cried because she felt guilty to her pack. I don’t think she knows we remember.” She admitted quietly.

“We were the only kids on close terms with our Luna and Alpha. So, she sought us out and Alpha advised dad to let her be. Do you remember the look of shock on mum’s face?” The siblings laughed quietly.

“I still miss her.” There was the opening Jamie was waiting for.

“She’s proud, you know that.” He murmured, reaching across to hold her hand.

“I still wonder if she would have cared that I wasn’t a wolf.” Jamie snorted.

“I’m almost certain mum knew. She was so overprotective of you that even dad clocked on. Why do you think Alpha and Luna had been introduced to us so fast?” They shared grins at that, taking note that they reached the border.

Reece and Evan were waiting along with Tanita. Once they saw who was inside the car, they motioned for them to pass through, returning to their patrols instantly.

There was a welcoming committee waiting for them at the pack house. When Cassidy stepped from the car, she reacted to the squeal from her little sister and met her in the middle, laughing loudly as Hope picked her up with ease and spun her around.

Jamie whined in protest.

“Am I chopped liver?”

“Yes.” Both sisters responded in synchronisation before Cassidy pried herself from Hope and watched in amusement as her baby sister tackled her brother.

Cassidy turned to her dad next, both wearing matching grins as he pulled her in for a hug, placing a kiss to the top of her forehead.

“Welcome home baby. I’ve missed you.”

“Missed you too daddy.” She whispered, his arms getting a little bit tighter around her.

Once Jamie reacquainted with their dad, Cassidy moved back to Ashton, taking her hand in his as she guided him up.

She was yet to greet her Alpha because she knew that she needed to respect the Alpha code but also her mate.

“Dad, this is Alpha Irwin of Vinewood Pack.” The two shook hands and then Cassidy dropped the bombshell. “He’s also my mate.”

She noted that Alpha Isaac broke into a grin as her dad’s jaw clenched. His eyes zeroed on the mark before he shot a look to his daughter.

“Of course, you’d introduce me and let me be polite before dropping that bombshell on me.” She grinned at him as Jamie laughed.

“She is your daughter after all Matthew.” Alpha Isaac called out, rather smugly.

That was when she tugged Ashton over to Alpha Isaac and introduced him before allowing herself to be pulled into a tight hug from her Alpha.

“I’m so proud of you Cassie. And rather glad that your mate is an Alpha.” He commented slyly, earning a sharp punch to his shoulder from his wife.

Pandora Lockard was fierce as she was delicate. A true force of nature. So, Cassidy didn’t bother protesting when her Luna pulled her in for the tightest hug she’d ever received.

Once the greetings were done with, the group ventured into the house and to the Alpha's office.

Elder Orion bowed to the newest couple, a smile on his face.

"When Isaac told me of his plans for you, Luna Cassidy, I was doubtful. But it seems our Goddess had other plans for you and merely informed him of some of her plans to help you. You two will truly be blessed and I am overjoyed for you, my dear." He bowed once more, which Cassidy automatically returned, making Isaac chuckle.

"You don't need to bow now, Cassie. You hold rank with me, we get away with a lot when it comes to the Elders." Isaac teased and she flushed.

"It's ingrained to be respectful, old timer." She shot back and her dad roared with laughter as her brother blanched for a moment.

Hope smirked at her sister before nodding.

Isaac playfully scowled before grinning at her and the group sat amongst the various couches.

Nobody missed how Cassidy sat next to her sister and Alpha Irwin wedged himself against his mate.

"Lu- Pandora," Cassidy caught herself, making Isaac smirk which she ignored. "when Al- when Isaac met you, was it just as fast moving for you or did you adjust quickly?"

Pandora smiled at her, looking to her mate briefly who seemed confused. She took pity on the young Alpha.

"Alpha Irwin, to explain, Isaac met me when he was travelling to various packs to discuss the rouge situation twenty four years ago. Your little Luna was who I greeted first when I returned back from my previous pack during my transition years after she was born. As she got older and Jamie joined the family, they became good therapy for the, let's call it unpleasantness, from my previous pack, especially when I bore no heir immediately. I love those two as if they were my own, even after the public embarrassment of Leo, I still consider them my children, Hope included when she joined their little family. When Tamara passed, I was the one they sought out for the motherly affection and I doted on them. She is considered family which is why such a question was asked."

Understanding dawned and he nodded, giving his mate a brief smile who responded with a brilliant smile of her own.

The older pack members held back from chuckling at the love struck look on the young Alpha's face.

Pandora turned back to Cassidy who smiled sheepishly in return.

"Fret not little one. I adjusted quite fast, but I never took the mark as quick as you did. That may be why you feel it is going alarmingly fast. However, it seems that your natural born instincts from our genetics told you to make Alpha Irwin-"

"Please, if she considers you family, call me Ashton when it's just us. That applies to all of you." He interrupted quietly. Pandora smiled and nodded at the young Alpha.

"Ashton, then. Your natural born instincts told you to claim Ashton in the most basic and raw way possible. I'm certain your brother experienced it, and Hope will experience it with her mate."

Hope shifted uncomfortably but Pandora continued.

"It is why as parents, we do not police our young when it concerns mates, only when they are too young to understand that primal urge, do we police them to protect them."

"But, I'm human? How is it, that the primal urge in wolves, effectively showed itself within me?" Ashton found himself stunned at his mates words, trying to understand the progression of her emotions.

"Had you been one of the lower ranking wolves, or even just a civilian. But then again, perhaps not. You were destined for young Ashton here, so instinct would have prevailed where the change failed you."

"Wait, so the mating urge that my wolf was pushing, that wasn't over-protectiveness out of fear?"

Pandora smiled at Ashton.

"Perhaps it was a small part, but your wolf recognised on the most primal instinct that Cassidy is his, yours. The legend goes that the Moon Goddess gave us our soulmates, by splitting our souls in half, for us to find. The basic urge to claim, or to bite per say, is the souls connecting. You can feel what she feels, correct?" He nodded. "Cassie?" She nodded as well.

"Wait, but if our souls are split by the Goddess herself, what about me?" Hope's voice sounded broken and Cassidy wrapped her arm tightly around her younger sister.

"What do you mean?" Ashton quietly enquired and Isaac sighed.

"Do you remember how my Pandora spoke about the embarrassment of Leo?" Ashton nodded at Isaac's words. "Cassidy here, received formal training from myself and our Elders. She could see things that we could not. People argue and say we are flawless, but that builds a god-like complex, to us truly believing we can come to no harm. She saw every flaw and executed every plan to keep the wolves safe. About eighteen months ago, a young wolf was kidnapped. She was only six at the time. It took us months of strategic planning, Cassidy reviewing every open option and every potential ambush."

"Not to mention the god damn traps." She grumbled under her breath, making a sad smile appear on the old Alpha's lips.

"And avoid the traps we never saw. Her closest friend and confidant, Talon Scarsa was a talented warrior. I am certain that if he were still here, he'd transfer packs just to keep his best friend close and protect her. Don't misunderstand me, we knew he had a mate out there, but she was his priority because she was a weakness for a long time. They day she ran home from my son, terrified he would hunt and kill her, I took Talon into my own confidence and asked him to help. He was originally just for protection around the pack, but he became her best friend. And I know Matt was grateful for that after his own mate passed on." Isaac stood from his seat, heading over to his cabinet and pulling out what looked like a bottle of whiskey.

He said nothing as he poured out various measurements, handing it to everyone. Cassidy snorted at Hope taking a sip and cringing, but held onto the glass anyway as Isaac returned to his seat, tumbler of whiskey in his hand.

"The day we went out on the mission, it was executed perfectly, had my own fucking son not decided to sabotage it. The reports that came back from the wolves who had served under Cassidy prior to this assignment, said how Leo had led them from the route that would have protected Talon as he entered enemy lines to retrieve the young wolf. He died saving that child's life and Leo tried to pin the blame on Cassidy."

Ashton felt undiluted rage flow through his bones till Cassidy shifted herself on his lap and took his face in her hands.

"It was normal for me, the human to get such criticism. It never bothered me, but when they brought Talon home I was distraught. I was angry, christ, I double checked my plans and knew he should have made it out safely, yet he was in a body bag. And I knew one person who would cause such a thing so I came into my Alpha's office, all guns blazing, ready to kill the young heir for placing a packmate in jeopardy and for killing another."

Isaac laughed.

"She was a sight to behold, pure and undiluted fury towards Leo and he never knew what hit him. Literally. I believe she broke a bone or two after punching him a few times." Isaac grinned and she smiled, resuming her position next to her mate once she felt he had calmed down considerably.

"It was the first time we had ever pushed the pack link through her mind to get every ounce of information. At the time, Leo had apparently claimed a mate, and everyone believed him. Until I stripped him of every title and his mate, only for a howl to rip through the house. It was Hope here, who he had marked and made her feel everything he did with the girl he claimed his mate. So the Elders and I, we passed the title of Luna to her. So when I step down, she will take over the pack, and her mate will be Alpha, but it will be her who holds the title, who attends the meetings, does her duties as an Alpha."

"And now you wonder if the Goddess would gift you with a second mate?" Ashton asked quietly and Hope nodded.

"If he was meant to be my other half, am I taking the chance of someone else? Have I shifted things so that someone who was meant to potentially meet their mate is now stuck with me?"

Pandora tutted.

"What they never teach children is the story of the second chance mate. After generations of wolves had spread throughout the world, a wolf prayed to his Goddess after his mate was ripped from him. He asked either to be with her or to be allowed to move on with his life. It took the Goddess months, but she found another who too had lost their mate. She healed their souls in tune to each other, knowing the other would help through the losses they both suffered. Although, your case is slightly different, it still applies. The Goddess will have healed your soul and attuned it to someone who understands your pain. And they will support and love you no matter what." She comforted the young Luna and Hope nodded, a sad smile on her lips.

"Where is Leo now?"

Isaac scowled.

"We stopped keeping track after the first month. He was never worth our time after such an act of treason was committed.

"Ashton, didn't you say you were in talks about a rogue who was human?" Cassidy enquired quietly, knowing they'd all hear her.

"Yeah... You don't think he would, do you?" A growl reverberated and Ashton immediately wrapped his arm tighter around his mate in response.

"There hasn't been a wolf turned human in over two decades. It fits the timing and his tactics."

"If he is seen, kill him on sight, Alpha Irwin. He will infect the minds of rogues and try to form some sort of resistance. It will be bloodshed if we aren't careful."

And with those words, the two Alpha's delved into battle plans, Cassidy casually pointing out errors, and calling her mate and old Alpha idiots every time they overlooked the most basic thing.

Hope, who had never witnessed her sister in action, looked scandalised until their father muttered that this was tame and she was holding back. Only to grin when his eldest rolled up a newspaper and whacked both Alpha's around the back of the head.

This caused the group to laugh and Isaac playfully scowled whilst Ashton merely frowned, unable to understand how she was getting away with such an act.

"I'll toss you to the wolves, if you're not careful Cassie." Isaac threatened and she laughed in his face.

"You toss me to them, they'll make me their Queen and you know it. Quit being an ass and look how it could go wrong!" Both Ashton and Hope shared a look of lost before diving back into the plans.

Ashton felt stunned at how his mate could be so blase towards her old Alpha, and it was only when Beta Hayden took pity on the young Alpha, inviting him to go for a walk whilst the others argued semantics.

Both men were quiet as they began the journey from the pack house. Both were acutely aware of the warriors that were shadowing them, and neither expected anything less from either pack.

“Cassie has always been hard headed and stubborn. A trait she got from both her mother and myself.” Matthew finally started. Ashton smiled appreciatively.

“Oh my pack found that out quite fast. My warriors both love and hate her for it.” Ashton snorted at the huff of laughter he caught from the trees of the wooded area they passed by.

Matthew raised an eyebrow.

“We have two humans in our pack. One was found to have been tortured, for lack of a better word. The child’s parents and grandparents were the culprits. We held the first pack trial in decades and Cassidy proved her human side to them by taking a dagger from one of the warriors on stage.” Matthew flinched.

“Bet they loved that show.” He muttered and Ashton laughed.

“All of them were understandably furious, but she’s their Luna. If she were to order them, unless it goes against a direct order from me, they have to obey her. I don’t think she’s quite grasped how much power she actually holds in her hands.” Matthew laughed at that.

“Even as a child, she never understood why other children would bow to her. When I tried to explain it to her, she protested it until Isaac explained that it was her birthright and that she needed to stop fighting it because other Alphas would look down on both of them. She has so much respect for him that she took it without complaint from that day forward.” Ashton chuckled. He was not surprised in the slightest.

“How is it that with so much respect for him, she still talks to him the way she does?”

“It goes against every instinct, doesn’t it?” Matthew mused, a smirk on his lips. “Isaac never treated her differently. He never corrected her when she pulled stunts like the rolled up newspaper when it was a closed council. She knew the lines and knew when to cross them. Otherwise she was the perfect little human who still bowed to her Alpha’s wishes.” Ashton snorted at that.

“What was her mother like?” Matthew gave Ashton a sad smile at the question.

“Katie was a force to be reckoned with. She took no shit from myself or her Alpha. She passed on her best qualities to our children.” Ashton immediately recognised the look of pain and backtracked.

“My apologies, Beta Hayden. I didn’t mean to bring up painful memories.” Matthew smiled as he patted Ashton’s shoulder gently.

“It’s fine Alpha Irwin. You may as well call me Matthew, since you’re family now.” Ashton flashed him a relieved smile.

“Then call me Ashton, or Ash.” Matthew nodded as his hand dropped from Ashton’s shoulders. “I lost my dad, before I was ready to take over the pack. He always wanted me mated and secure with my pack before he wanted to step down. He wanted to step down and spoil grandchildren whilst being and adviser.”

“The day we heard about it, a lot of people mourned the loss of your father, Isaac included. He was a great man.” Ashton smiled in thanks at his mates father.

“I see you, with your children and lost mate, and I see my mom, and the difference is so vastly astounding. How did you, survive?” Matthew chose not to comment on how shy the question seemed.

“There could be plenty of reasons why we pushed forward the way we did. It may have been that because your mother felt you were old enough to care for yourself, she fell into her grief. I had two young children relying on me, I couldn’t. When Hope joined our little family years later, I knew that I would always miss Katie, that I will always love her regardless of what happens, but my children needed me and that instinct overpowered the grief.” He explained softly and Ashton nodded in understanding.

“You-thank you, Matthew. You didn’t have to be so honest. You were well within your right to tell me to back off.” Ashton commented quietly and Matthew nodded in agreement.

“I was. But you’re still a young adult who has so many questions. And it may hurt me, but if it helps you understand why your mother went the way she did, then I can take some moments of pain to help yours.”

Ashton’s respect for his mates father doubled as they returned to the pack house, re-entering whilst Cassidy was arguing her point across to her old Alpha and younger sister.

Ashton felt his heart swell.

It was another two hours before Cassidy's phone rang and she excused herself to answer the call.

"Cassidy speaking."

"Luna?" Came a frantic whisper and immediately she was tense.

"Trix? Are you okay little one?"

"They're hunting me, an' I can't find my warrior." She whispered frantically into the phone and Cassidy stormed back into the room, taking a pen and writing on a piece of paper.

'Contact Abel NOW! Trix being hunted by others'

"Trixie, angel, who is it that's hunting you."

"The mean boys, they changed and I can't get home. Luna I'm scared." The soft sob went quiet and even with Cassidy's limited hearing, she could hear the growls.

"Trixie, listen to me. Do you have something like a stick to hand or anything sharp?"

"No." Came the terrified whisper.

Cassidy tried not to growl herself. She turned to Ashton who gave her a thumbs up.

"Okay angel, where are you?"

"They chased me into the forest by school, they laughed when I said you'd protect me."

She could feel the tears build up and she had to close her eyes.

"It's okay angel, Abel is on his way to you, but promise you'll-" Her words were cut off by a terrified scream followed by a series of growls.

Her eyes shot open and stared at Ashton in horror as her worst nightmare became a reality for this little girl.

There was a deafening roar followed by the dial tone and Cassidy screamed.

"NO NO NO!"

Ashton was up in seconds with his arms around his mate.

"Abel is there, he stepped on her phone as he fought the younger wolves off. She's safe."

Tears flooded her face as the group looked on curiously.

"My pack has two humans born to wolves. One had an absolute loving family, the other, the other was tortured."

Cassidy let out a strangled cry and Ashton looked pleadingly to the Alpha.

"Her room is on the second floor."

The pair were gone immediately and silence reigned as Jamie shot off messages.

"The warriors are responding to Abel's distress call. The pack doctor is going to care for her since she doesn't have accelerated healing."

Upstairs, Ashton was receiving the same information, but needed to calm his distressed mate.

It took him awhile but she soon relaxed and nearly cried at his words. Instinct was urging him to state her, please her, reaffirm their bond after the horror he felt.

Yet he got her to talk first, and she told him how that had been her nightmare for years. Her biggest fear becoming reality for a defenceless child.

He knew his wolf needed to remark her, reassure her. But first he catered to her needs. Took her to new highs before finally pushing himself in and sending her to orgasm thrice before they climaxed together, his canines biting into her junction on her neck and she did the same to him, her soft teeth sinking through his skin like butter. He thought nothing of it as she pushed him onto his back, licking and sucking her mark on him, his stamina practically doubling as he reclaimed her again and again, the pleasure and primal urge pushing it against and again till they lay arm in arm, covered in a sheen of sweat as they drifted between the real world and consciousness.

"Never again." Was the only coherent word he could make out before oblivion claimed them both.

Once the week was over and Cassidy had packed up many of her things, she promised to visit as often as time would allow before they were on the way again. Thankfully, the jeep was just them, and Ashton took every advantage with his fingers sliding into his mate and making her call out his name.

They nearly crashed when she returned in kind and he knew had the other wolves been directly behind, they'd have been laughing.

Once they got back to the pack house, Roxanne was there with her new parents to greet them. The young girl flew into Cassidy before she began sobbing and Cassidy held onto the little girl tightly.

"Sh, it's going to be okay little one, I promise." Whilst Cassidy was comforting the young human, Ashton took Rae and Jackson Teller to the side and explained what Cassidy had almost demanded of him. And he couldn't argue her logic on the demands and had complied.

"Humans are rare in packs, to have two is something which terrifies her. Growing up, her Alpha's son threatened to do to her, what those traitors did to your daughter. It is a fear she has had to live with for years and she feels it doubly so with both of your daughters."

Jackson Teller was a wizened wolf, especially when he learnt from his grandfather's knee all about his pack and his duties. He could immediately see his new Luna's solution.

"She wants us directly in the pack house, doesn't she?" Rae looked stunned at her husband for a moment before turning to her Alpha.

"Yes. At least until the pack learns that this won't be tolerated and any attack will mean that wolf will be considered a traitor and killed."

"Strong words for a young Luna. I take it she understands the repercussions of these new laws?" Jackson did not know about his Luna's previous position and Ashton smiled.

"You've heard of Rosewood pack, Teller?" Jackson nodded immediately.

Rosewood, in his opinion, had risen through the ranks of efficiency and care for pack members. They were well within the top five packs that held such ranks.

"She was their strategist. She's planned for every possible outcome of these laws coming into effect and knows the varying consequences. She's also got ideas in place, ready to execute if said consequences show their head. She wants to head off disasters and keep it to minimal damage. But your children are her main concern right now."

Rae frowned slightly.

"She isn't trying to take them, is she Alpha?" She immediately blushed as her Alpha gave her a calculating look before he smiled.

"No. She has younger siblings who she helped her father take care of when her mother, his mate, passed away. It's natural instinct carrying over to the vulnerable. It probably hasn't helped that her previous Luna doted on the three siblings as they grew up, so it's all she's ever really known."

Rae relaxed immediately.

"Alpha Irwin?"

"Trainer Teller?" Came the amused response and Jackson smiled.

"Thank you, on behalf of my family, for protecting them."

"We'll make genius' out of them yet. Both girls will be sitting in on my meetings with the other Elders to learn. As Cassidy told me, she earned her place in the pack from the kindness of her Alpha and Elders. No thanks are needed for common sense."

That stunned the Teller parents as Roxanne finally allowed her Luna to bring her back over.

“Luna, please, are you okay?”

Cassidy smiled at Jackson and nodded her head, pushing Roxanne into her new mothers arms.

“It’s just, it’s scary hearing it and being utterly helpless. But she was smart and those boys will be punished.”

“If I may? How will you punish them?” Jackson kept his tone polite and Cassidy nodded her head slightly, letting her hand slip into Ashton’s.

“Mr. Teller-”

“Jackson, please Luna.”

“Jackson, what are the laws against treason?” Jackson frowned as his mind went over the instances for treason to occur.

“Depending on the severity, it varies. If they only had knowledge, it would mean exile at least. Actively working against the Alpha could result in death.”

“Your girls are under Alpha Irwin's protection. It was made known last week. You saw the public pack trial. Those boys will be banned from shifting until they are deemed safe. At minimum it means they will not shift for two years. If they fight it, it will result in exile. And this is being lenient considering it was attempted murder.”

Rae Teller felt her blood run cold.

“They deserve it.” She half growled, cradling Roxanne close. Jackson sighed but nodded in agreement.

“Let us settle back in, and we’ll be by to visit young Trixie. For now, head back to the surgery, we’ll see you later.” Ashton instructed and the Teller’s bowed before departing.

Once the door shut, Ashton gently kissed his mate, the sparks making the euphoria bubble through his body. The minx of a mate pushed herself against his hard cock, a smile playing on her lips.

“Is there anyone in the pack house?” She breathed and he paused as he used the link to search out his pack members.

The entire house was empty before he remembered that it was a school day which also meant that the adults would be at their jobs and even the night shift wolves were away from the house.

“No.” He growled before watching in amazement as his mate pushing him against the wall, falling to her knees whilst pulling his trousers down, boxers and all, allowing his cock to spring up and she smirked at him.

“You’ve been such a good mate, let me show you how pleased I am.” She breathed before taking his cock into her mouth and suddenly he was seeing stars as his body reacted, his hands and fingers sliding into her hair as she began to move.

The heat on his cock, along with her ministrations against his balls, it built his orgasm fast before she hollowed her cheeks out and shifted herself allowing him to hit the back of her throat.

“Cassie, oh fuck baby yes, yes, OH!” All his inhibitions vanished as he came, his hips jerking as she continued her motions and he moaned loudly.

As she licked him clean, he kicked off his pants and underwear, growling under his breath as she licked her lips and laughed.

“Good mate.” She teased playfully before he bodily picked her up, throwing her over his shoulder before strolling into the kitchen. He situated his mate on the counter and ripped the clothes from her body, earning him a shriek of surprise, which turned into a moan as he didn’t hesitate and pushed his fingers into her.

Pushing her on his back, he removed his body, sucking both fingers before climbing on top of her, his lips nipping and sucking at her skin, teasing her nipples and causing her to writhe on the counter top.

He travelled lower, biting and sucking the skin as he did so, hickies forming in his wake before he reached her clit and pushed his fingers back into her, making her body arch upwards.

He began slowly, curling his fingers deliberately as he brushed her g-spot and she began begging him, her gasps of his name mixed with the pleas.

Pulling her up, he flipped his mate so she was on her hands and knees and he found the irony of this position considering wolves were apart of the canine family.

But his thoughts derailed as he slowly pushed himself in and she moaned.

His hand pulled her up as he began to thrust, his movement slow as he snaked his arms around her body, one hand alternating with her nipples and his other began working on her clit.

His positions hit her g-spot perfectly and he made her orgasm thrice, her cum slicked across his cock and dripping on the countertop before he began to move faster, their skin slapping together.

His orgasm built as she orgasmed twice more, his fingers working delicately but furiously as he chased his own orgasm, thrusting once more, the force making her come and his canines biting down on her mark, making her body jolt against him.

His wolf was close to the surface and as his seed spilled into her, he paused for another moment before turning his mate around once more and lying her on her back as he pulled out, his cock firm once more as he began to kiss her and pushed back in.

He knew his wolf was in control as a growl slipped out as he thrust over and over, his lips firmly attached to her nipples and fingers working her clit.

She didn’t have time to recover, her body reaching orgasm over and over as he hit the spot perfectly before his own orgasm spilled into her once more, this time his canines elongating and biting firmly until he could taste blood, her cry of pleasure helping his human mind push the wolf back.

It took them a few moments of heavy breathing, unable to move before he pulled himself out, fighting his natural instincts as his mind sought the bond and there it was. His wolf had pushed the pack link to his mate and she was finally connected.

“Not that I’m complaining, but what was that?” She breathed as he kissed her soundlessly. On instinct, her hips ground against him as he did.

“My wolf just pushed the pack link to you. You may not have the shifting genetic, but you have the right DNA. Plus, that was all him. I’m certain he’ll push for pups before long.”

“I think it’s time you cleaned me up, mate.” She smirked and he found himself grin in response. Before he chased her upstairs, they tossed her ripped clothes and cleaned the counter before he growled lowly, chasing after her into their ensuite.

He was more than grateful that he’d reinforced the walls and made them soundproofed as he continued to fuck her, his primal instinct driving the need and stamina.

Cassidy found herself thanking the moon goddess for such an attentive and dominating mate.

Despite their shower, she felt the urge in her bones, pushing her mate onto the bed before she sank down on his cock, her body almost twitching in anticipation as she began to ride him slowly, listening to his moans mixed with her name.

She’d never experienced anything hotter in her life and she began to leave her own hickies on his skin, his hands gripping her hips as she kept the pace slow.

“Baby, please, oh my god please do something.” And in that instant, those words made her feel powerful. Alpha’s never begged, yet here her mate was, begging.

So she began to move faster.

He made her orgasm four more times before she finally picked up the pace, feeling the coil tighten around her abdomen.

As her mate came, sending her into a final orgasm, she bit where she had marked him, and surprisingly her teeth sank into his skin like butter, making him cry out her name as she tasted blood.

She rode out their orgasms before laying herself against his chest, her body moulder against his.

“If the moon goddess blesses us with children, that is her will. I feel ready to create a new family, to spend my life with you as we run the pack and prosper. You are mine and I am yours, my loving mate. And nothing will come between us.” Cassidy murmured to her mate. Ashton smiled.

“Forever, my beautiful, loving, strong mate.”

When the two of them had recovered, Cassidy got dressed, making sure to pick a shirt that hid the majority of the marks on her body. The only one she didn’t hide was the bonding one, knowing that Wolves would expect to see it.

Ashton watched her as she moved about, practically glowing with the amount of love he could feel from her. He began to understand why his mother went insane when his dad died. To lose this feeling? He knew it would drive anyone mad.

“C’mon, time to go visit the Tellers, mister big bad Alpha.” Cassidy teased as she tugged on her jeans, giving him a view of her ass. He laughed as he pulled himself from the bed, dropping a kiss to her cheek as she stood back up.

“Your wish is my command, Luna.” The tease made her flush but she grinned in return as she left their room and headed down to the kitchen.

The kitchen smelled of bleach, hiding the activities they’d done and when Ashton finally came downstairs, he laughed at her confused expression.

“I’d rather not horrify my pack members that do eat in here. Sides are cleaned down and disinfected so no wolves could begin to guess what we got up to.” The smirk on his lips made Cassidy roll her eyes, leaning up to press a gentle kiss to his lips.

“Considering I’m not entirely sure what came over us-”

“Instinct.” She scowled.

“For you maybe. Not a wolf, remember?”

“Sounded like one.” The tease made her blush, turning away from her mate in embarrassment. He could only laugh as he wrapped his arms around his mates waist.

“Pandora explained it well enough. Unless the Moon Goddess shows up on the back field to say otherwise, don’t fret. Now, we have two more humans to visit.” Despite the flushed cheeks, she smiled at him in return as they left the pack house together.

When they arrived at the surgery, Jackson was sat outside, Roxanne settled next to him. From what Cassidy could guess, she was asking him all kinds of questions.

‘She’s asking about what parents are meant to do.’ Cassidy jumped a mile, whirling around to face Ashton who wore a look of shock at her reaction.

“What was that?”

“Have you never experienced a link before?” Cassidy shook her head at the astounded question that left Ashton’s lips.

“The only link I ever experienced was when Alpha-I mean Isaac pushed the link to see the first hand accounts from what I’d discovered with his sons treason. And it was painful for me. I didn’t realise that it was, well, this.”

Ashton felt his heart seemingly soften at the sight of his mate look so bashful at her words.

“It’s probably why my wolf pushed forward earlier. He’s pushed our link to you, so you’re connected to the pack, the other wolves will sense it now. But you have direct contact with me.” A look of understanding crossed her features as she took his hand as they began to make their way towards the Tellers.

“Well at least it won’t frighten the life out of me next time.” She teased him as they got closer, Jackson looking up and bowing slightly to the two.

“Alpha, Luna!” Roxanne greeted happily, clumsily copying the bow that Jackson gave. He chuckled at her attempt.

“I’ll teach you yet, little one.” He murmured and she beamed at him in return.

Cassidy could see the vast difference, and how quickly she’d bounced back from the trauma.

‘Do you think she’ll need therapy?’ She asked her mate through the link.

‘Eventually, but for now the doctor has managed to put a superficial block on her memories. They’re going to pull it back bit by bit so she can process the trauma without going off the rails.’

“How’re you doing, Roxanne?” Cassidy greeted softly as Ashton responded to her.

“M’good. Abel came by earlier, told me that he was gonna teach me n’ Trix how to defend ourselves and escape if we need to.” Cassidy’s heart sunk but she realised that it was another layer of protection.

“That’s good. How about we head on inside and find your sister?” She held her hand out to the young girl who nodded, taking Cassidy’s hand and then guiding her into the surgery.

Ashton and Jackson followed behind at a sedate pace.

“Those two have talked non stop about her. I’m almost certain they’ll want for nothing as they get older, not if Luna has anything to say about it.” Jackson commented and Ashton chuckled.

“Or myself for that matter. They’re smart little girls. One who has taught herself electronics, anther who survived in a harsh world before finding her family. They’ve both got makings of great women and I’m looking forward to teaching them, along with the Elders.” Ashton explained and Jackson nodded in understanding.

“They’ve got a good start, and I have no doubt that if there are any more humans in the pack in the future, she’ll have something set up in place for them.” And Ashton could only chuckle at how right the older wolf was.

The visit with Trix had soothed a lot of Cassidy’s fears. She was dismayed at the scar that ran from the shoulder to her wrist, but the fact that the youngest was still alive was a miracle all the same.

By the time they headed back to the pack house, Cassidy was a lot more relaxed and wasn’t as agitated. She knew it had worried Ashton, but once she’d relaxed upon seeing Trix was okay as she could be, Ashton relaxed as well.

“What will happen to the parents of the wolves that attacked Trix?” Cassidy asked quietly later that night. They were curled up in his bed, one of his shirts covering her frame. Ashton sighed, pulling her closer.

“The worst they’ll get is a slap on the wrist for not curbing their children after the pack meeting. I’m going to remind them that I was well within my right to exile or execute them. That fear, although I hate using that fucking tactic, it will go the rounds and parents will not want to see their children exiled or dead.” Cassidy sighed.

“I know it’s not much, but I can’t come down too hard too fast otherwise they will rebel against me. I’ve been a fair Alpha since I stepped up after my father's death and I know there are many who would want to use this as a chance to complain about me, to go to the Elder Council in an attempt to have me removed as Alpha.” He explained and she nodded her head in understanding.

“I get that. Children can be taught. But it’s the parents I’m concerned about. I was accepted with ease because of my status as Beta’s daughter, human or not. Roxanne and Trix don’t have that. Trix may get more respect when it comes out that her mate is a warrior, but even then there will still be plenty who will see them as weak links, try to get them out. I don’t want them to suffer for something they can’t help.” Ashton pulled his mate closer, pressing his lips against her forehead.

“We’ll work it out sweetheart, I promise. For now, we can focus on the fact that they’re alive and they have the best person looking out for their best interests.” The compliment made her preen slightly, a chuckle falling from Ashton’s lips as he buried his face against her neck.

“Sleep, the world can wait for an evening.”

Feeling the security of his arms around her, Cassidy couldn’t argue his words as sleep claimed her.

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c-stress · 5 years

Text

My Ultimate Taekook Fic Recommendations!!

This will be my ongoing list of Taekook fics that I really loved reading and want to share with you guys ♥

A few things beforehand:

All of the following fics will be completed.

I don’t take any credit or responsibilty for any of the following fics.

In this household we support Bottom!Kook.

Please enjoy~~

He Tells Me, “Stay If You Can” by vestals

It takes Jungkook three years to realise two things: 1. He certainly is not straight 2. He is very much in love with Kim Taehyung

#friends to lovers #canon/non au #coming of age #bottom kook #experimenting #8k #ao3

pulling shapes just for your eyes by aeterisks

The number one rule when you're a producer on a show like Miss Right, Taehyung thinks, should be do not fall for the bachelor.

It's such a shame Taehyung has never been good at following rules.

#reality show #producer tae #bachelor kook #secret relationship #switch tae and kook #hot #110k #ao3

The Blood Donor by IncubusRose

A series of kidnappings and killings has led the world to the astonishing discovery that vampires have been living alongside humans for centuries. And it seems they're just as bloodthirsty and twisted as ancient lore makes them out to be.

So when Jungkook finds himself the victim of a kidnapping that's perhaps not as nefarious as he initially thought, why is nothing the way that he thought it would be?

Now he's been roped into helping a sick, red-haired vampire against his will. But the more he explores and discovers in this new world, the faster and harder he falls into Wonderland.

#vampire tae #human kook #kidnapping #no stockholm syndrome though #bottom kook #fluff #violence #ot7 #hate to love #97k #ao3

you're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be by aeterisks

He has seen Taehyung smirk, smile seductively, smile cheekily, grin lazily, but nothing like this. This, Jeongguk thinks, is what happiness must look in Taehyung.

(He tries to ignore the way his chest pumps when he sees it, and the urge to see it again once it’s gone.)

#club owner tae #dj kook #rich tae #fwb #fuckbuddies to lovers #misunderstandings #tae has issues #bottom tae #27k #ao3

Suit & Tie by Wontonz

Taehyung and Jeongguk really shouldn't have been partnered together.

#CEO jungkook #CEO taehyung #bottom kook #both are the best in their job #rivals to lovers #25k #ao3

Eclipse by Bangtanbananas

After the tragic death of his parents, Jeon Jeongguk hated werewolves.

The last thing he ever expected was to fall in love with one.

#werewolf tae #werewolf hunter jk #slow burn #bottom kook #fluff #mating #big fight in the end #ot7 #91k #ao3

As You Are by taekover

Jeon Jungkook, the youngest private investigator in Seoul at 23 years old, with over a hundred solved cases under his belt, does not do favours.

Well. That's what he says.

#fluff #funny #private investigator #5k #ao3

War of Hormones by C_Stress

When Jungkook left the house that day, he just wanted to dance for a bit, not getting it on with some (hot) stranger...

#basically pwp #tattooed tae #virgin jk #bottom kook #one night stand? #3k #ao3

Sugar...daddy? By whatspoppin-yoongi.tumblr

Jokingly but also totally not jokingly putting an ad out to find a sugar daddy seemed simple enough. He never expected people to respond though…

Being rich was all he knew, and so help him god, he wasn’t going to turn out like all the selfish people that surrounded him.

#social media #pictures #texting# sugar daddy jungkook #side yoomin #tumblr

Bubblegum Bitch by snowmoney

Jungkook is but a simple delivery boy; the last thing he needs is a high maintenance fake boyfriend.

#fake relationship #tae in heels #model tae #falling in love #misunderstandings #bottom tae #dislike to love #33k #ao3

Snowflakes by IRINEL

Taehyung falls in love for the first time, right when the first Snowflake kisses the ground. As, a Single father, Drown in responsibilities & pressure, he finds his strength in a pair of Doe eyes, exactly a week before Christmas Eve. In a pair of Doe eyes, belonging to a simple country boy - named Jungkook.

Visiting Jimin's grandmother didn't seem like a good idea from where Taehyung was standing. Especially after her daughter's_Taehyung's wife's sudden disappearance, leaving the young man with a Five years Old Son, a bunch of responsibilities, his parents' '"I told you" looks and of course a letter reading "I can't do this anymore". But if he knew what was waiting for him from the start he would never, ever waste a single second to head to the small Village.

#aged up tae #aged down jk #age difference #jimin is taes kid #he's the cutest #bottom kook #orphan kookie #christmas #fluff #angsty #happy ending #slow burn #27k #ao3

whatta man (good man) by aeterisks

Out of all the kinds of blogs Jeon Jeongguk could have run, never in a million years Taehyung would have expected him to have a porn blog.

(Or, Jeongguk runs a porn blog and Taehyung not so accidentally finds it.)

#college #social media #fluff and smut #crack fic #friend to lovers #bottom kook #7k #ao3

Working Conviction by rix

How their trust evolves to go from from Jungkook pointing a loaded gun in Taehyung's face to Taehyung binding Jungkook down and fucking him till he can't see straight.

#mercenary kook #mercenary tae # enemies to fuckbuddies to lovers #smut #guns and violence #bottom kook #9k #ao3

Read All About It by jvante

A star football player and an aspiring journalist fall in love, and make headlines everywhere.

#college au #life through the years #football star tae #writer jungkookie #established relationship #bit angst in between #happy end #bottom kook #realistic description of a relationship #40k #ao3

Cage Match by golden(SlimeQueen)

Taehyung knows he likes the rush of adrenaline that comes from fighting. He likes his knuckles split and stinging, heart pounding in his ribcage, the rush of blood in his ears. Jungkook is new to it all but all he knows is that he likes Taehyung.

#fight club au #hate to love #bottom kook #pining jk #choking #kinky smut #violence #20k #ao3

Just Two Dudes Being Bros by micmicbunjin

"So you two aren't dating?"

"Nah, man, we're just best bros. I mean like, if I was gay, and that's a very big if, then I would be on my knees right now sucking his dick. But I am very straight, so Jeon's dick is nowhere near my mouth."

Jeongguk nods convicingly. "I like pussy."

Namjoon puts his face in his hands and screams.

#gay panic #bros to lovers #denial #college #bottom kook #excessive use of the word bro #7k #ao3

New (Newer) Rules by jvante

Step #1: Don't get involved with the guy your girlfriend cheats with.

Failed step 1.

#bottom sub kook #sub/dom #kinda pwp #humiliation #lingerie #cock stepping #hate to fuckbuddies to lovers #hurt jungkook #108k #ao3

A crow will not pull out the eye of another crow by taetaeggukie

"If you killed me you'd let go of the only chance you've ever had to find your soulmate." That smirk was annoying Jeongguk to no end, he was close to pulling the trigger, but the man deserved something worse than a bullet to his head.

"By now you're only spitting out lies in hopes to be able to save yourself." Jeongguk was the one smirking now. "You know nothing."

"You'd let Kim Taehyung just slip through your fingers like that?"

- in a world where your soulmate's name is written on your wrist, Jeon Jeongguk blindly trusts a pirate captain V in order to find his soulmate and doesn't realize he might fall in love sooner than expected

#soulmates #pirates #bit angst #kidnapping #enemies to lovers #bottom kook #pirate tae #crew bangtan #13k #ao3

whisper me all your secrets by noekkin

Series of prostitute jk and rich man tae who just likes caring for the younger

#cute af #prostitute kook #bottom kook #caring tae #26k #ao3

Sugar and Spice by kkozumes

Jeongguk can't deny that he's attracted to Taehyung. No, he realised he was attracted to him as soon as his car pulled up by the side of the road. Jeongguk appreciated a handsome face and Kim Taehyung was beautiful to him. What he didn't expect however was for the beautiful man with the expensive car to take him back to an equally as expensive apartment away from home, give him new clothes, allow him to stay and then ask if Jeongguk wanted a sugar daddy.

#sugar daddy taehyung #daddy kink #fluff and smut #poor jk #sub kook #bottom kook #23k #ao3

Spy on Me by C_Stress

Jungkooks dad gets killed by a mercenary and he swears to get revenge. What he didn't plan though, was falling in love with said murderer.

When you find out you not only moved in, but fell also in love with your mortal enemy.

#mercenary tae #hitmen au #fluff and smut #flatmates #bottom kook #cute kookie #violence #friends to enemies to lovers #17k #ao3

My Daughters Teacher by Staerrykookah

Jungkook is the single father of a 5 year old named Asami. Taehyung is her kindergarten teacher who thinks the little girl is cute but her dad is cuter.

#kindergarten teacher tae #father jungkook #top kook #falling in love #aged up #5 year old daughter #cute #wattpad

So, pancakes? By Captainotp

„He thought I was a top.“ Jungkook all but whined, hiding his head in Taehyung's chest. „Well what else is new?“

Jungkook struggles to, like, get it, because everyone thinks he's a top, and his roomate Taehyung is more than willing to help. That's it that's the story.

#friends to lovers #bottom kook #roommates # fluff and smut #soft kook #4k #ao3

you the one that I dream about all day by locks

Taehyung finally convinces Jeongguk to do the boyfriend tag/boyfriend does my make up tag.

#soft boyfriends #established relationship #youtuber tae #boyfriend does my make up #domestic fluff #shy kook #nicknames #5k #ao3

The Give and the Take by JKDoYouLoveMe

submission | səbˈmɪʃ(ə)n | noun [mass noun] 1. the action of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person. ~ domination | dɒmɪˈneɪʃ(ə)n | noun [mass noun] 1. the exercise of power or influence over someone or something, or the state of being so controlled. ~ Young and inexperienced college student Jeongguk thinks he is a dom. His older and considerably more experienced roommate Taehyung is quite determined to show him that he is, in fact, not a dom. Drama ensues.

#sub kook #dom tae #college #roommates #friends to lovers #more like friends to fuckbuddies to lovers #degradation #humiliation #jk is a brat #subspace #tried rape at one point from another character #57k #ao3

Sing me to sleep (I can't fall without you) by HesterAntoniaDracolas

They call him demon child and think him a monster. He must be, they say, to have survived down there.

Jungkook thinks it’s because the demon actually likes him.

And maybe if you asked him, just maybe, he would admit that he likes him too

#demon tae? #jk is afraid of tae first #falling in love #sweet #8k #ao3

tenacious d in the dick of destiny by jhopeg

In the midst of struggling with debts and empty plastic packets of instant ramyeon, Taehyung and Jeongguk joined forces to put the phrase "sex sells" to good use.

#social media #use of pictures #college au #bottom tae #pornblogger #41k #ao3

tats'n'thots by Deaths_Impala

“Jeon Jeongguk, hear me out.” Taehyung says with a grin. “I feel inspired, and I want to work with you, so how about this: let me tattoo you in any way I want, free of charge – with your input of course.”

#tattoo artist tae #tattooed jungkook #aged up #life through years #smut #bottom kook #cute af #12k #ao3

say you'll stay by ChocolateKookie

Jungkook and Taehyung meet at the beach and they spend the summer holidays falling for each other, but they both know that their romance has an expiry date.

At the end of August, Jungkook is supposed to have gone back home, halfway across the country, so Taehyung expects to go back to school and continue pretending to be straight, as if nothing's changed; playing up to his role as the jerk who's never had a serious relationship. He doesn't know what to do when Jungkook turns up at his school and expects them to pick up from where they left off.

or: the BTS Grease AU that no one asked for! in which Jungkook is Sandy and Taehyung is Danny and they just want to be able to be together but Taehyung is still in the closet which makes things complicated.

#grease au #sandy jk #danny tae #secret relationship #bit homophobia #tae's deep in the closet #cute cute cute #300k #ao3

my guy pretty like a girl (and he got fight stories to tell) by hunnydews

He's dressed in another black sleeveless tank top with deep cuts on the sides, showing off his canvas of a body and all the intricate tattoos he has to offer. His pants are black and fitted as well. He forwent the bandana tonight instead his shaggy brown hair is falling into his eyes. They look like opposites of each other, yet complimentary somehow. Jeongguk likes it.

Alternatively, Jeongguk wears lots of pastels and pink and loves to draw. Taehyung is practically inked from head toe and is in a band. Taehyung broadens Jeongguk's musical horizons and shows him what love is supposed to feel like.

#bamf jk #crossdressing kook #tattooed tae #tae's in a band #past abusive relationship #fluff and smut #healthy relationship #artist jk #falling in love #69k #ao3

Mileage May Vary by rix

Jeongguk is a stripper with a penchant for trouble. Taehyung is curious.

#stripper kook #age difference #bottom kook #smut #falling in love #80k #ao3

Camerman, Swing The Focus by augustdarling

“I thought you were into landscapes recently. Why does it have to be me? More importantly, why does it have to be me naked?”

“Because artists want to capture beautiful things, baby,” Taehyung murmured, leaning down to nibble on his ear. “And you’re the most beautiful thing I know.”

Or:

Taehyung combines his two hobbies: photography and Jungkook. The results are even better than expected.

#basically pwp #bottom kook #dom tae #canon #exhibitionism #humiliation #2k #ao3

You Are My Chosen One by C_Stress

Jungkook starts his first year at Hogwarts..what could possibly go wrong?

#hogwarts au #slytherin jk #gryffindor tae #bottom kook #fluff and smut #secrets #falling in love #45k #a03

Of cigarette smoke and alcohol by fluffy-lychee

Taehyung likes to dye his hair.

Jungkook struggles with the opinion of Taehyungs mother about their relationship.

#no real fluff #nor real smut #but always close enough #2k #aff

pick me up, buttercup by vppa

AU where your soulmate's first words to you will be tattooed on your wrist when you meet.

Which freakin sucks, because Jungkook's forearm will now forever read "Hey baby, if you were a booger, I'd pick you first."

What the fuck, universe.

#fluff #soulmates #crack au #9k #ao3

dark blue (this night's a perfect shade of) by memetaehyung (21cg)

jungkook has never seen the world and taehyung is determined to show him it

#blind jk #fluff #bit smut #bit angst #bottom kook #8k #ao3

Mischief Managed by Vanteblack

Basically a Hate to Love Uni AU but at Hogwarts because I'm a slut for Harry Potter lmao. Also you start at Hogwarts at age 15 instead of 11 so everyone in the story is over age.

#hogwarts au #secret relationship #hate to love #slytherin kook #hufflepuff tae #rated #fluff and smut #20k #ao3

Don't Let Your Love Go To Waste by krscnl

Taehyung and Jungkook meet on Omegle.

#college au #actor tae #writer kook #life through the years #at one point established taekook #41k #ao3

fellas is it gay to want ur hot roommate to dick u down? By hunnydews

Jeongguk tunes them out as they argue, it’s normal and happens often. Instead, he takes out his phone and decides to google "how do you know if your friend is gay for you?"

Jeongguk comes to the realization that he's def not as straight as he thought and he starts to explore that realization with himself and with his hot dormmate/best bro, Taehyung.

The stupid college au no one asked for but i wanted so here we are almost 20k later :)

#college #coming out #excessive use of the word bro #friends to lovers #bottom kook #cuties #19k #ao3

got a kiss (with your name on it) by marienadine

“I just—I just thought, like. Maybe I wouldn’t be so horrible if someone more experienced than me taught me what to do.”

#inexperienced kookie #college #roommates #bros #friends to lovers #first kiss #practicing #bottom kook #11k #ao3

I forget to breathe (when i'm with you) by locks

"Do we have a deal, angel," Taehyung repeats, and Jeongguk can hear that he's losing his patience, hands resting on his hips.

Jeongguk lifts his head, snapping the lid closed. "Pleasure doing business with you, daddy," he nods, sending a grin up to Taehyung who just narrows his eyes at him.

"You're lucky I like you," Taehyung mutters, sounding mildly threatening as he steps over to him and tilts Jeongguk's chin up, leaning down to press a kiss against his lips.

Lucky doesn't even come close.

Or, Jeongguk's trying to figure out how he ended up with a sugar daddy when all he wanted was a couple packets of instant noodles.

#non sexual daddy kink #sugar daddy tae #tattooed kook #aged-up #tae in heels #soft nicknames #praise kink #fluff and smut #bottom tae #sub top jungkook #fashionista tae #realistic description of a relationship #111k #ao3

Suspenders, Daddy Issues & Miracles of Halloween by chimscharli

It's nearly Halloween when Jungkook can't stop stealing glances at Taehyung during practice, and wonders when exactly everything went so wrong. It's nearly Halloween when Jungkook is in a coma, and doesn't want to see Taehyung when he wakes. It's nearly Halloween when Taehyung walks in on Jungkook moaning his name.

It's nearly Halloween, and maybe it's time Jungkook stopped being so afraid. Maybe it's time a miracle happened.

#real daddy issues #and daddy kink #smut #sub jungkook #lots of kissing #happy ending #hate to love #violence #angst #both are football players #17k #ao3

(They Long to Be) Close to You by vantoa

Kim Taehyung is a sassy and talented KBS World Sports reporter. Jeon Jeongguk the most outstanding speed skater in South Korea. They meet, hate each other and then, one eventful day, they like each other, a lot.

#speed skater jungkook #reproter/journalist taehyung #enemies to lovers #bottom tae #misunderstandings #11k #ao3

国王的小丑 by saranghaengbok

When Taehyung had announced that he would steal Yoonji from him, Jungkook had not expected that he would be the one falling for Taehyung, in the end.

#heir jungkook #prince jk #prince tae #enemies to lovers #falling in love #bottom kook #12k #ao3

Rumor Has It by buttstrife

Contrary to popular belief and multiple eyewitnesses, Taehyung did not make out with Jungkook in the pool. And no, they absolutely did not fuck in the shower rooms. Seriously.

#college #baseball player kook #swimmer tae #sut #enemies to friends to lovers #exhibitionism #manhandling #8k #ao3

make this feel like home by aeterisks

Taehyung has spent his whole life looking for excitement, but instead, he ends up finding Jeongguk; somehow, that seems to be even better.

#motorcyclist jk #fluff and smut #bottom tae #44k #ao3

Love Scarred by gjungkook

“You are unbelievable,” scoffed Jeongguk while shaking his head. “I’ve never met anyone who pisses me off as much as you do.”

Taehyung had licked his lips before he smirked, with his hand still around Jeongguk’s wrist, he stepped forward closing the distance between them. “Let me tell you why, it’s simple really...”

“You feel threatened. You know I’m better than you.”

(Jeongguk wants to win against Taehyung at everything. Win their matches in quidditch, win their spontaneous sparring sessions, win his heart— But one day, Jeongguk takes it a little too far with a single curse.)

#enemies to lovers #hogwarts au #angsty #gryffindor jk #slytherin tae #secret fuckbuddies relationship #bottom kook #denial #26k #ao3

Comeback Kids by rix

Taehyung is infuriating and Jungkook's always been easy to rile up. Which isn't the best combination, but also isn't the worst, either.

(or: Taekook as hockey fuckboy rivals)

#icehockey players kook and tae #rivals #enemies to lovers #bottom kook #fluff and smut #34k ao3

#taekook #vkook #fic #au #rec #fic rec #taekook rec #recommendation #masterlist #ultimate #taekook rec list #taekook fic rec

31 notes · View notes

were-dragon · 5 years

Link

I'm sorry, has anyone really expected me not to go with body swap on this prompt? That will never happen. Day 5: Role reversal. Winston and Symmetra are working on a way to teleport multiple people at once, so in case of a crisis, agents don't have to go in one by one. As usual, the crisis comes much sooner than expected - and the first practical test does not go as planned. Who is even surprised at this point? Now the team in question has to deal with the fallout and some uncomfortable revelations. ...and yes, at this point Symmetra is my main sacrificial lamb for lousy plot bunnies. Meh, someone had to be

Words: 5+k

Rating: T

Pairings: Jesse McCree/Hanzo Shimada, Genji Shimada & Hanzo Shimada

Tags: Bodyswap, Light Angst, shimada brothers feels, Shimada Dragons, Noodle Dragons, but a bit more ferocious, this had a potential to either be 20k of hurt/comfort or this one-shot for day 5 prompt, honestly it was a tough choice, Peapod McHanzo Week, Friendship/Love, Best Friends

“Explain.” Hanzo’s tone makes it clear enough this is the one and only chance for them, in case they missed the murderous intent on his face. It was surreal to see that expression on McCree’s face pointed towards anyone friendly and it made Winston trip over his own tongue.

“I- um, we are still in the stage of finding out all the- the details. As we told you before the mission, the device was not properly tested but we deemed it stable enough for a case of emergency.” He pushed his glasses up his nose. “Which, may I add, came to pass.”

“As you are all here and alive it was clearly a good decision,” Satya huffed, pausing in her work over Winston’s station.

McCree’s - well Hanzo’s - arm shoot up to hold off the archer. “Whoa there, pardner. They’re working on it. Let’s keep them to it, okay?”

“McCree,” Hanzo growled and began to look up just to realize he is the taller one of them now and turned his gaze down. His own face was looking at him with an infuriatingly placating smile on his lips.

“I must agree with Jesse on this,” Angela said pausing at the mechanical, and male, voice the words came out in. “I need to do tests on all of us. Really, we shouldn’t have loose time with a debriefing, this is clearly a medical emergency ergo it takes priority.” Her helmeted head turned to where her body was standing rather rigidly, arms holding as to not to touch her own body, making her look like a bad mannequin. “You should have told me, Genji.”

“I… am sorry, doctor..” Was the stilted answer in her own voice.

“Well, I’m not done with this!” A booming voice made them all flinch, including the speaker herself.

“Hana,” McCree started but the huge German knight whirled at him.

“Don’t even, Hanzo! I mean McCree! Just don’t. Look at me! I’m- old! And a guy!”

“This is most peculiar!” Agreed Reinhardt, his usually greater-than-life voice underwhelming coming from D.Va’s tiny body.

“We just want to know when do ya think we can get back into our own bodies,” McCree asked placatingly the scientist and architech respectively.

Winston scratched his head in thought but it was Satya who answered.

“There is much to be done first. We don’t even know how this came to be. We won’t try to reverse it until we know, we could do more harm than good.”

“Because you did such a great job the first time around,” Hana griped in what should probably be under her breath tone but Reinhardt’s vocal box turning into a sentence of regular loudness.

“Uncalled for,” McCree said reprovingly and to her credit, she winced.

“Yeah, sorry. This is just-“

“Uncomfortable,” Genji filled in, still too rigid to be anything but supremely uncomfortable.

“I know. But I’m inclined to agree with Angela, you should all move to med bay. I promise we will let you know the moment we have any new information.”

So they did. The deflated shuffle walk of individuals not quite sure how their bodies work and too afraid to breaks something. Or someone.

McCree sighed, his right hand still holding onto the serape just to hold Hanzo back just in case. And they thought the mission was bad. Fucking typical.

“I see,” Zenyatta said, his head looking from one to the next. “Genji?”

“Here, Master,” Genji replied, Angela’s body raising a hand, barely breaking out of its dejected posture.

“I see,” Zenyatta repeated. “Would it be okay if Genji accompanied me elsewhere, doctor Ziegler?”

“I need to check over everyone first, Zenyatta. And I have some questions for Genji I need to-” she paused, clearly not wanting to say it out loud.

“I understand but maybe I could lend you a hand in that way later?”

“It is okay, master,” Genji sighed. “I do not wish for Angela to be in undue pain because of me.”

“Pain?” Hanzo asked with urgency. “Were you injured on the mission?”

“No, brother.” Without his mask, all of his emotions were clearly written all over Angela’s face. It spoke of sadness. And guilt. “I speak of the pain of being a cyborg. I might have neglected to inform doctor Ziegler about my usual state of being. I’ve learned to ignore it.”

Hanzo looked stricken, then bowed his head, gritting his teeth. The hat was shielding him from most of the room but McCree was standing right next to him and he knew his own face, alright? He knew how he looked when he was fighting tears.

“Anija, please do not-”

“I am sorry,” Hanzo blurted before all but ran out of the infirmary.

“Aniki!”

“Hanzo! We need to check you over!” Angela called after him in Genji’s mechanical voice and McCree internally cursed.

“Don’t worry, I’ll bring him back,” he said to the room, making his way to the door. “Just, do yer thing and we’ll be back.”

He did not wait for their response and made his way where he knew Hanzo would be. His gait much smoother and faster than what he was used to, also quieter. It felt much easier to move and he silently marveled at Hanzo’s fitness. “Damn ninjas.”

He knew he would find Hanzo on the balcony under the roof where he usually tended to retreat to. There would be no fancy wall climbing in Jesse’s body and boots, though.

So when he opened the door and his gaze fell on the man leaning on the railing with a hand over his eyes he was unsurprised.

He hadn’t said anything as he neared the archer, just took in the shaking shoulders and wet sounding breaths.

It took a while before Hanzo spoke. “You should stop smoking,” was the first thing he said when Jesse was close enough.

“Yeah. Yer not the first one to tell me that.”

“And your endurance is atrocious. My sides never hurt after such a short distance.”

“Hey know, no need to be mean. We can’t all be fitness-freak ninjas.” McCree went with the banter as he closed the remaining distance, standing next to Hanzo, looking down at the monitoring station. Just to give Hanzo some semblance of privacy.

Hanzo scoffed, trying and failing to stop the wetness gather in his eyes.

After a few more moments of whipping the moisture from his face, Hanzo sighed, tone grouchy. “This body cries very easily.”

“Yeah, always did,” Jesse chuckled. “On the flip side I don’t suffer from puffy eyes much, so yer in luck there.” Out of habit, he patted his chest pocket for a cigarillo but of course, there was none. And neither was a pocket. Now that he considered it, he hadn’t really had craving for it. But he wouldn’t say no to a drink.

“Did you know?”

There was no need for clarification. “I knew back in Blackwatch, hoped it changed with time. Guess not.”

Hanzo made a self-deprecating noise and Jesse cringed a little. It was weird to hear himself do it.

“Why would he keep it a secret?”

Jesse tried not to let his face show any pity but he held little hope as Hanzo probably knew his face as good as Jesse knew his.

“Ya know why. Yer brother forgave you and wants you to do the same. He wouldn’t want to add up to the fuckton of guilt you already carry around.”

Hanzo growled. “Do you not think it deserved? He might have survived but the past eleven years of his life were filled with pain. In mind and in body.”

“Han, let it go. If not for you then for him. Genji worked so hard to move past it. Yes, he lives with physical pain but you can’t tell me he’s not happy.”

Hanzo pressed the fingers of Jesse’s flesh hand into his eyes, letting out a long breath.

“I do not think I can. Not yet anyway,” he continued before Jesse could say anything else. “But I will not bring it up with him.”

Jesse guessed that was the best deal he could break right now. He patted Hanzo’s left shoulder. The man’s face contorted.

Oh. Right. Genji wasn’t the only one with constant aches.

“I am telling doctor Ziegler about this.”

“Aw, Han. Come on.”

When they got back into the infirmary, Genji, presumably still in Angela’s body, and Zenyatta were gone. The doctor was now checking over Hana who was holding herself very still. Jesse noticed some items scattered on the ground and a tipped over chair.

“Not used to taking this much space, huh?” he asked, sidestepping Reinhard who ironically took as much space as usual despite the smaller packaging.

“It’s the worst! I keep bumping things. And people.” She leaned forward, wincing. “And my back aches. And my joints.”

“Tis the weather, little one. It can’t be helped. But you will find I’m more than fit!”

Hana’s grumbles made Jesse chuckle into his hand. Everyone turned to look at him.

“Oh my god, did you just giggle? I didn’t know Hanzo could do that!”

“Aye, it’s most unexpected.”

Next to him, Hanzo bristled. “I do not giggle .”

Hana laughed. “Maybe you don’t but he does. And right now that makes you the one giggling.”

“It wasn’t a giggle,” Jesse protested but he could already tell it wouldn’t change a thing, so he deflected. “Just focus on your achy joints, firecracker, would you?”

That was enough for Angela to get back to work, her movements little stilted and jerky.

It the end Reinhardt was fine, he was perfectly alright, with the sole exception that the body was not inhabited by him. And it went similarly when Mercy checked Hana’s body as well, passing all the response test with flying colors.

“Alright, who wishes to go next?”

Hanzo stepped forward before McCree could say a single thing. He sat on the bed formerly occupied by Reinhardt and thrust his bent left arm forward.

“Dammit, Hanzo.” McCree couldn’t help himself.

“I said I would inform the doctor and that is what I am doing.”

“Is there something wrong?” Angela crossed her arms, one hip cocked slightly to the side in posture she usually took on when someone was about to be in trouble. It looked strange on Genji, to say the least.

“McCree’s arm causes him constant discomfort. I believe it is not completely usual.”

The doctor hummed. “Can you give me a number on a scale from one to ten?”

Hanzo thought. “Solid four.”

“‘S not that bad!” Jesse protested but neither of them was listening.

“Hmm.” Angela took the arm carefully into her hands, straightening, bending, and twisting it in this or that direction. Hanzo’s face remained stoic but McCree nearly winced himself when she turned the palm away from the body. He knew what Hanzo must be feeling at that moment. The archer obediently described all sensations and Angela nodded, while still prodding at different spots.

“I believe we have the cause. The anchor for the prosthetic arm is pinching a nerve right here,” she pointed at a specific place. “I am afraid we will need to refit it.”

“Goddammit,” McCree murmured. He hated the first fitting and the second one even more. “Do we have to, Ang?”

“Yes, Jesse. If it didn’t go away on its own so far there is little hope it will at all. Either the pain will keep worsening or your arm will go numb and probably weaken considerably. Worst-case scenario, you will lose control over the prosthesis.”

Well, fuck. He sighed, making a grab for his hat, that, of course, wasn't there.

“Alright, fine. When?”

“I can have it ready in a few days, I’ll ask Torbjorn to prioritize it. You should speak to him about any changes you might want.”

“Nope. No changes. I’m used to this one, so make it as close to it as possible.”

Angella nodded, clearly not surprised by his choice. “I will tell him. We will be ready when this thing is reversed.”

“No.” Hanzo jumped in. “There is no reason to wait for us to be in our correct bodies. Tell me when it is ready and we will do it immediately.”

“What in the hells, are you crazy?!” Jesse grabbed his shoulder turning him so they could face each other. “You have no idea what yer sayin’.”

Hanzo scoffed. “Do not treat me as a child, McCree. I know how serious the procedure is but I’m sure doctor Ziegler will agree it is best to fix this situation as soon as possible. Is it not?”

Angela was looking Hanzo but with her face hidden behind the faceplate, Jesse couldn’t tell what she thought about it.

“Are you sure, agent Shimada? We will have to attach a new anchor for the prosthetic arm, I do not have to tell you the nerve re-attachment will be excruciating even with anesthetic and there will be rehabilitation necessary afterward.”

“Angela, no.”

“I understand and I am willing.”

She looked from Hanzo to Jesse, who was putting on his best begging face, and back to Hanzo before nodding. “I will inform Torbjorn there is no need to wait then.”

“I don’t get a fucking say in this? It is still my body! If anyone has to go through that shit it should be me, not Hanzo.”

“It still could be you, Jesse. We do not know how long it will take for Satya and Winston to reverse this. And agent Shimada is right, we cannot wait too long. How long has it been hurting like this, Jesse?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. Eight or nine months? I don’t remember.”

“Jesse!”

“It’s not that bad! I just learned to work around it, ‘s all.”

There was a string of muttered German that he didn't really need to speak to understand.

“We are not waiting any longer.” She raised her hand to stop his protests. “You know I can overrule you on this, Jesse.”

Jesse knew. Reyes made damn sure of it. And goddammit he should have taken the time to officially quit back then. He and Genji were probably the only ones with that particular clause in their contracts.

He also knew Angela never acted on it unless it was beyond serious. He rubbed his face with both hands before letting his shoulders slump in defeat.

“Fine. Schedule it as you see fit.”

“Thank you,” she said, there was a palpable warmth in that mechanical voice.

The rest of the examination went by quickly and nearly silently. Hanzo waited for him until he was done as well before saying goodbye to Angela and leaving the infirmary.

They managed to walk for all of sixty feet before Jesse turned on Hanzo, grabbing the serape and pushing his back to the wall.

“What the fuck do you think yer doing, Shimada!” he hissed at the now taller man. Spitting those words into his own face felt cathartic in a way he did not wish to think about.

Hanzo barred his teeth at him. “I am saving your arm!”

“No, yer tryin’ to punish yourself for Genji! And I don't appreciate you using my body to do it!”

Hanzo looked floored before gathering himself again. “Is that so? And this from a man who spent nearly a year in pain and is about to lose an arm because of his own foolish pride!” He pushed Jesse away with a grunt, stabbing a finger into his chest. “Do not presume to know my reasons!”

It felt like a slap, Jesse took a step back, watching as Hanzo’s chest heaved with anger hard enough he could see it even with the chest plate. When the archer turned and stalked away, leaving him to stand in the hallway, Jesse was still replaying Hanzo’s last words in his head.

Then he let out string of curses Hanzo’s mouth probably never before formed.

The knock on the door was soft and Genji contemplated ignoring it. He felt tired. Exhausted even.

He spent several hours with Zenyatta talking and thinking and feeling. And all we wished to do now was to shut down for a while. Or sleep. As he was not a cyborg at the moment and there was no forcing it.

He turned over on the bed just to discover he had to scoot a little to even reach the edge. One of many disorienting things about being in the body of a rather lithe human woman.

“Genji.”

McCree?

Genji frowned. The voice was soft but in a completely wrong way. Then he remembered.

Rising and opening the door was almost an automatic move. Hanzo did not seek him out often and Genji cherished those few occasions he did so. He did not wish for Hanzo to feel like he wasn’t welcomed now, after learning the unfortunate detail of Genji’s continuous existence.

Needless to say, it was bizarre to have to look up at him as McCree was much taller than Angela. He got used to being the taller brother now, it was his little joy.

“Aniki. How are you?”

The flash of pain was something he was not unused to see on Jesse’s face but it has been a while since there was a reason for it to happen in front of Genji. But now the knowledge of workings of McCree’s face was his boon as Hanzo seemed to lack the poker face he had in his own body.

“I wished to ask you that.”

Genji gestured for him to step into the room and let the door close behind them. There wasn’t much in a way of seating in his room. He lacked the desire for comfort as his body’s senses were limited in that and many other ways. But they used his bed as a makeshift couch before, they could do it now as well.

“Would you like to sit?”

Hanzo nodded, making his way across the rather narrow space; he avoided the weapon rack with Genji’s swords but his foot caught at one of the feet of the bed, making him stumble and drop down hard on the mattress, making it squeak.

Genji snorted. It came out much higher than he was used to and his brother shot him a look, eyebrows arched.

That was fair. There was more than enough ammunition for both of them here.

“I take it McCree’s body is not treating you kindly?”

Hanzo scoffed. “He’s a stubborn fool, I am unsurprised his body is as well.”

“Harsh, brother. Did something happened?” Genji asked as he dropped on the bed; it did not make a sound, not even a decent bounce. How disappointing.

Hanzo scowled. “I do not wish to discuss McCree.”

Genji stared at him contemplatively, deciding if he should let it go or push. But maybe now wasn’t the best time for that. “Alright.”

“How are you feeling? Did doctor Ziegler said everything is good with you as well? Or as good as it can be at least?”

Genji smiled at Hanzo, forgetting he had no faceplate to hide it behind. His brother blinked several times, before looking down and scoffing as his face grew a shade darker.

“I am well, Hanzo. It was a shock, I will not lie about that. But mostly I was afraid I would hurt Angela’s body by accident. Next to my cyborg body, hers is quite fragile. It will take me some time to acclimatize, as Master put it. As I did after getting my new body.”

Hanzo nodded. “Understandable. If you will accept my advice, do not try to climb any walls.”

Genji blinked. Hanzo was staring back at him. They both started to laugh at the same time.

“You did not-” Genji wheezed.

“I wish I did not. I nearly toppled over the railing.”

That set up Genji all over again. His brother, who had the uncanny ability to climb any smooth surface by the age of seven, couldn’t do it with a pair of cowboy boots on.

“I would pay money to see that.”

Hanzo chuckled. “You may try and ask Athena, maybe she will be willing to part with the security footage for a favor or two.”

“I may just do that.”

He leaned back into the wall, sighing contentedly. “This is nice.”

“Mhm.”

“I must say I’m surprised, I expected you to… react in some way to Angela’s revelation. I thought that was why you have come.”

The quick intake of breath whistled a little between Hanzo’s lips. But to Genji’s surprise, there was nothing more.

“Do you not have questions, anija?”

“None that I think I need the answers to. I believe I understand your reasons for keeping it secret and I won’t pry. If you choose to speak to me about it in the future, I will listen.”

“How unexpectedly mature of you,” Genji quipped and Hanzo’s elbow connected with his upper arm.

“Shut up.”

Genji chuckled. “So what brought on this world-shattering epiphany? Or should I ask who?”

Hanzo shot him a dark look. “I told you I do not wish to speak about him.”

“So it was him.”

“Genji…”

“I simply wish to know if I should go knock him around a bit.”

Hanzo snorted. “In that body? Also, you would only bruise my own body. Best not.”

Genji sighed dramatically, stretching his legs. It felts extremely satisfying and it made him smile again. “I guess that’s true. But I could at least bitch at him a little, doctor Ziegler has a magnificent voice when it comes to yelling.”

“Personal experience?” Hanzo smirked.

“Maybe.” Genji finally decided to give up and simply plastered himself to Hanzo’s side. It wasn’t quite right but it hardly mattered.

“What are you doing?”

McCree’s put-upon tone had nothing on Hanzo’s, Genji chuckled. “Clearly, I am snuggling the resident cowboy because you are too chickenshit to do it yourself.”

He fully expected to be punched for that one, realizing too late it wouldn’t just bounce from his metal plates. Luckily, his brother was aware enough to slow his hand down before it connected. It still stung.

“You are not funny.”

“Lies.” Genji grabbed the hand and pulled himself closer with it, now putting his head on Hanzo’s shoulder. It was supremely uncomfortable but he could hold it for a little while.

“But seriously, are you okay, aniki?”

Hanzo sighed but leaned back enough so Genji could fit under his arm instead. It was a weird position but at least it was more comfortable. “I feel strange. I forgot how it feels without them constantly poking at my mind.”

A wave of goosebumps went over Genji; yet another sensation he hadn’t felt in a decade. “I know what you mean. I do hope they will stay put without us there to draw them out. But at least the good doctor knows Ramen. And Ramen likes her, so she shouldn’t cause any problems.”

Hanzo went very still under him. “Oh. Oh no. ”

Jesse felt worse before. Really, he did. Much worse even. But that hardly helped at the moment.

He spent an hour pacing around the compound, Hanzo’s body brimming with restless energy. Nothing like the slow humming undercurrent of his own he was used to. How was the archer always looking and acting so calm and collected was beyond him. The urge to run, climb, and throw punches all at once was making him supremely agitated.

In the end, he made his way to his room, punched in the code, and headed straight for the bed and the stock of bourbon under it.

Some indeterminable span of time later and more than half a bottle in, the agitation turned into a sulk. Not much better but at least he didn’t felt like he needed to go run a marathon anymore.

Jesse was aware he fucked up.

Badly.

He shouldn’t have said those things. He and Hanzo had a rocky start, mostly on account of Jesse’s long friendship with Genji and the somewhat aloof nature of the Shimada heir. But they got over it. And as they were passing it they discovered many common interests. And even better, a similar sense of humor. After that their relationship skyrocketed and soon reached a friendship Jesse would never expect. Nowadays they barely spent any free time without each other in some way. Even if they were far, or occupied by something, they tended to send each other messages, pictures or quips at the expense of those they were physically sharing space with. And somewhere in the middle of that, they entrusted some of their secrets to each other. Shards of unsavory pasts, mistakes that haunted their steps and dreams. Regrets.

Jesse hadn’t even noticed when he started to trace the outline of the dragon tattoo on Hanzo’s arm. It was such an intricate piece of art. Hanzo once told him that unlike regular tattoos this one did not fade and it stayed as sharp as it was the first day it was put on his skin.

‘Magic.’ Hanzo grinned at him that evening, taking a sip from his gourd before letting Jesse have one as well.

Jesse was confident this blunder wasn’t about to ruin what they have, their foundations were built much more solidly for a fight like this to shake them. But that did not mean he didn't feel like shit about it. He hated fighting with Hanzo. Real fighting. Not the banter, or quips, or shots they took at each other on regular basis. That was fun, they both knew it.

“Shouldn’t have brought Genji into it. ‘M such an idiot,” he murmured into his palms as he rubbed at his face.

True .

His eyes flew wide open and he dropped his hands.

“What.”

Sssstupid, cowboy.

The bright blue glow was as familiar as it was unexpected. He could feel the tingling under his skin turning into prickling and then burning as the glow intensified and morphed from tendrils into two thin, long forms floating in the air above him.

“Howdy?”

Why are you here?

He isss not here.

Where issss he?

What did you do with massster?

To say the dragons were aggravated was a gross understatement and Jesse suddenly felt a nibble of fear.

They were hissing over each other, twisting in the air and to his horror, growing.

“I’m sorry. I know this must feel wrong to you, guys. We got switched but they are working on getting us back in order, I swear!”

We can hear you.

You have hurt him.

We ssshould eat you.

“Oh god.” Pinned in his own bed under the coiling bodies of ancient spirits he saw wreak more havoc in battle than most bombs can, Jesse felt terror like scarce ever before.

He isss not here-

We could devour you whole.

-to ssstop usss.

“B- but it’s Hanzo’s body!” A new sort of horror poured over him as the thought of Hanzo losing his body got to him. Would he survive that? Would it kill them both? What if this wasn’t permanent and when they switched back, Hanzo would have nowhere to go and just disappeared?

We can sssave the body.

We can only take your sssoul.

That was somewhat relieving. Just a little. But he was still scared shitless. He barely noticed the sound of door opening and voices shouting.

Massster!

We can feel him!

He isss here!

“Udon! Soba! Stop this immediately!”

Jesse watched the spirits float over to where Hanzo was standing in Jesse’s body, the dragons swirling around him, poking their noses with trembling whiskers into his sides, and neck, and tugging at his clothes.

Hanzo was talking in fast Japanese, his voice stern and angry sounding.

Jesse flinched as someone touched him; Angela immediately pulling back, hands up in a placating gesture.

“It is only me. Are you well, Jesse?”

Oh. right. Not Angela. Genji. He let his eyes fall shut and head drop back on the pillow.

“Not gonna lie. I’ve been better.”

“Did they hurt you?”

He shook his head. “Nah. Not really. Scared me shitless though. They are not happy with me. Not one bit.” He peered from under his lashes at Hanzo, who was now holding the dragons who solidified around him, like two glowing blue anacondas. He was looking at Jesse with a forcibly neutral expression. “Can’t say I blame them.”

Genji let out a relieved breath, turning to his brother. “Anija?”

“They are calming down now. But I do not understand what drew them out in the first place.”

Jesse blinked, then groaned. “‘S my fault I think. Was touching the tattoo. Thinking about you.”

Next to him, Genji choked.

“Fer fuck’s sake not like that! Just, I don’t know, tracing it. Hadn’t even noticed at first.”

“Ah.” Was all Hanzo said.

The silence in the room was getting a bit awkward when Hanzo sighed and asked his brother: “Genji, could you give us a moment?”

“Sure, aniki!” Genji said happily, before turning to Jesse, murmuring: “Don’t fuck it up or I’ll fuck you up.” In that tone Angela only ever used on runaway patients who had the audacity to bring cigarillos and whiskey back to the med bay. He gulped.

Hanzo must have caught it because he rolled his eyes at his brother as he passed by.

Then he turned to Jesse, who was still lying on the bed. The dragons lifted their heads from Hanzo’s shoulders, watching Jesse intently.

“They won’t hurt you.”

“Mmhm.”

“They are under strict order not to.”

“As I said, I wouldn’t blame them. They got right to be pissed.” You got right to be pissed , was what Jesse meant to say. But Hanzo seemed to hear it anyway.

He let out a breath, sitting gingerly on the edge of the bed, careful not to actually sit on one of the coils around him.

“I-”

“I’m sorry!” Jesse blurted, suddenly afraid Hanzo would try and apologize to him instead. Hanzo huffed, a small smile curling his lips.

“I know you regret your words, Jesse. Just as I regret mine. But what I meant to say is that I’ve been thinking, and your words weren’t completely baseless. My decision was influenced by my guilt. But”- he raised a hand as Jesse opened his mouth to speak. “But it was only a small part of it. This is a serious issue and I would not have you risk your arm for my comfort.”

“Han, this is more than just about comfort. There’s a reason I haven’t said anything for so long. That surgery? I still have nightmares ‘bout the first one. Yes, they’ll give ya anesthetics but not enough, they need you to be awake and feel for their readings to be worth a damn.”

Hanzo nodded. “I am aware.”

Jesse was now focusing solely on Hanzo’s eyes.

He looked into this pair of eyes nearly every day of his life; he knew every speck of gold and green that appeared in them over the years, searching in them as often as he did for the answers he needed at times. But never once they looked like this. Like they are not his at all.

“Please, Jesse. I might be unable to keep Genji from pain but I can do it for you .”

He nodded, defeated. “If yer sure then.”

“I am. I would see you happy and healthy when we get to back to our own bodies. Our competition will be much more interesting without a handicap on your side.”

Jesse let out an indignant squawk. “Oh yer just full of yourself, ain'tcha, Shimada?”

Hanzo arched an eyebrow at him. “I believe you are the one who is full of myself at the moment.”

The groan was heartfelt, and it was only because of Hanzo was still intertwined with his dragons that Jesse didn’t chuck a pillow at him.

The archer was still chuckling at his own god-awful joke when Jesse spoke again.

“Hey, Han?”

“Yes?”

“Thank ya.”

Hanzo smiled at him. “You are welcome. But there is no need for thanks, now or later.”

“I mean, fer always having ma back.” He reached towards the archer’s hands just to stop himself a foot away. He did not fully expect the man to close the distance and intertwine their fingers. Knuckles brushing against knuckles, warm skin against his colder one. Hanzo’s fingers are always cold , Jesse thought. I guess I’ll always have to be there to warm them up.

The thought came out of nowhere, yet it felt like it was always there. Flickering in the back of his mind.

Well, damn.

“Hey Han?” he asked again. The archer humming, thumb brushing over Jesse’s index finger. “When we have our bodies back, wouldya like to grab some tea and cake with me?”

The finger stilled for a second, two, three; then it started to move again. There was a softness to his voice Jesse never heard in all his days.

“I would like that very much.”

#mchanzo #hanzo shimada #jesse mccree #peapodmchanzoweek #my fics #shimada brothers #day 5 #genji shimada #shimada dragons

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