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elliebartlets · 5 years

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TWW Rewatch: Noël (2.10)

Warning: mention of PTSD, Suicide, and Shootings

• I’m not ready. Seriously. I’m already feeling down and while this show comforts me, I’m not sure how I’m gonna feel at the end of this episode. However this is a brilliant hour of television. After I first watched it, I sat in silence for 10 minutes just mulling it over in my head.

•From Josh reliving the shooting, to the fighter pilot committing suicide to the woman screaming at the painting, this episode managed to center all three plots around trauma, and accurately portray a mental illness (because we all know a lot of tv shows don’t do that well.) For Josh, he has PTSD from the shooting, and instead of just remembering the trauma, they showed him actually reliving events of the shooting, over and over again.

• When it is revealed/understood that music is the trigger for Josh, it begins to fall into place. After hearing the string quartet in the lobby, you see him begin to unravel in those next three weeks: accidentally calling the bagpipes “sirens” (which concerns Toby), yelling at his coworkers, (which concerns Toby and CJ) and finally, blowing up at Bartlet. I kept pausing the scene where Josh snapped at Bartlet it due to sadness/secondhand embarrassment. But what I love about this is while Josh lost his temper at Bartlet and everyone else, they didn’t punish him. Instead, he was given help.

• “you have post traumatic stress disorder.” “can-can we have it be something else?”

I think this might be the saddest part in the episode. Josh begging Stanley to change his diagnosis because he believes having PTSD is immediate dismissal from the WH, and he doesn’t wanna lose his job.

And thankfully Leo can relate to that. Leo’s relationship with Josh is on a whole other level. He’s the one who brought in Stanley, he’s the one who waited for Josh in the lobby, and he knows that Josh is afraid of losing his job, something Leo can relate to. He’s not just his boss. He’s a loyal and compassionate friend.

“As long as I got a job, you got a job you understand?”

• Like Stanley said, “thank god for Leo”.

• “you’re in nine kinds of pain.” oh man, that made me tear up.

• The sequence of Josh reliving the shooting during the yo yo ma performance is one of the most haunting scenes. The No. 1 in G Major, the flashbacks of the shooting, Josh clutching his stomach where he was shot, the breaking of the glass, Stanley yelling questions at Josh, the breaking of the glass, the breaking of the glass and then finally, the breaking of the window. It’s just so well done. I did tear up but not until the very end.

• “can you honestly tell me that you didn't wonder if you were suicidal too?”

I must’ve missed/forgotten this when I first watched it. But was Josh suicidal? Him and the pilot had a bunch of eerie similarities: the same birthday, went through a traumatic experience, but unlike the pilot, Josh didn’t kill himself. Maybe he was suicidal and didn’t realize it, but I was under the impression he wasn’t.

• “So that’s gonna be my reaction everytime I hear music?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because we get better.” ♥️

• Something I also didn’t realize when I first watched this episode is that Donna was the one to realize that something was wrong. My heart. Of course she does. (Cause she’s tuned to him.) I fucking love Donna!!

• I’ve always loved the ending. The carolers singing, Josh watching them, the sirens begin to play under the music. And Bradley Whitford does that thing with his face. Idk how to explain it. If you’ve seen it (or seen it enough), you know what I’m talking about, especially after Donna says “Josh?”. He deserved that Emmy.

————

• anyway here’s the more funny/lighthearted stuff!!

• Toby trying to get into the Christmas spirit was just laughable. Such a different change from his character.

• Isn’t that the butler from the parent trap?

• hey I’ve been to the musee d’orsay! *sigh* I wanna go back to France (and other parts of Europe)

• Bartlet and Christmas cards!! oh my lord over 1 million?!

“You send a Christmas card to everyone who wrote a letter to the White House. And somewhere around one million people wrote you this year.”

“Okay, but some of those were death threats.”

“They’ve weeded those out.”

#tww #the west wing #the west wing noel #noel #ptsd tw #suicide tw #shooting tw #jed bartlet #josh lyman #leo mcgarry #cj cregg #toby ziegler #sam seaborn #charlie young #donna moss #tww rewatch #the west wing rewatch #i shouldve watched parks and rec after this instead of before

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buffster · 6 years

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The I in Team (BTVS 4.13)

This is part of my ongoing Buffyverse Project, where I write notes/meta for every episode in an attempt to better understand the characters and themes of the shows. You can find the BTVS list here and the ATS list here. Gifs are not mine.

In Buffy, there are always background issues sprinkled throughout the season before they begin to come to a head. This episode: Xander’s failure to thrive post high-school. He’s selling “healthy” candy bars (unsuccessfully) to try and make a bit of money. He forces a reluctant Giles to purchase some. There’s also a red flag between him and Anya as we note her obsession with money and his lack of big-money-making ambitions. He wants to make her happy, but he’s a simple guy. Their goals and desires don’t really match up in a way that could leave both satisfied.

We see Buffy throw herself into the commandos operation, leaving her friends behind and wary of what she’s getting herself into. Has anyone else noticed Buffy’s tendency to not involve people in her life? It’s like she sections people off but no one gets access to the full Buffy. As soon as she gets a boyfriend she has this whole side life with him that her friends don’t really know about, but Riley doesn’t know about Spike or her past with Angel...I mean, obviously no friend knows everything that’s going on with you and vice versa, but she keeps some pretty big secrets to herself on a regular basis. Big on the internalizing, our Buffy.

Willow in particular has always seemed the most bothered by this aspect of Buffy’s personality, which is probably why she’s jumped at the chance to have her own private world with Tara. We see the usual lonely-Willow face as Buffy runs off, but now she can head to Tara’s instead of just feeling pathetic.

No one can say Buffy didn’t give a good faith effort to trust the Initiative. She doesn’t seem to notice they’re subtly testing her skills and getting a good read on what she can do. Forrest is, predictably, not happy about the situation.

Graham: He made you team leader, didn’t he?

Forrest: That’s not the point. I’ve always been Riley’s second-in-command. Instead he picks a girl.

Graham: His girl.

Forrest: Whatever. Three guesses what that boy’s thinking with.

It’s funny everyone at the Initiative is a bit obsessed with Riley. If Buffy were made today there would definitely be a Forrest-is-in-love-with-Riley subplot.

Speaking of what Riley’s thinking with, we get a montage of Buffy and Riley fighting demons and having sex for the first time. It makes me wonder how much fighting was foreplay for them, and if that was tied in to Riley’s issues when Buffy doesn’t trust him to come along anymore post super-soldier. If the sex was less exciting he probably became worried about his hold on Buffy. Anyway, Maggie is so creepy for watching them have sex. She’s totally rocking that vibe you get around certain mothers where you wonder just how obsessed with their sons they are (am I the only one who’s met one of those mothers?).

Sadly, Buffy wakes up panicked the morning after with Riley. This is the first time in her life things haven’t immediately gone to hell after sex. It was almost an entire day before it happened this time! Progress.

Willow’s worry makes it’s way over to Buffy and she begins to question the operation a bit. The culture of the Initiative is don’t ask questions, just follow orders. They’ve got a bunch of soldiers contributing to an operation they know absolutely nothing about. It’s amazing the kind of trust they have in authority figures. But Buffy’s used to leading, not following.

Giles: Thinking about your affliction -- as well as your newly discovered ability to fight only demons. It occurs to me - and I realize it's against your nature - but have you considered there may be a higher purpose--

Spike: Aagh. Made me lose count. What are you still doing here?

I’ve mentioned over on my Angel commentary that he’s really struggled to find reasoning for his being brought back. He thinks there’s a higher meaning for his continued existence despite all he’s faced (I mean, that’s got to be easier than thinking it’s all pointless, right? Ah, and there’s our set up for his break down...anyway...). Spike has no interest in Giles musing about his new potential now that he’s chipped. Spike just wants to smoke, shag, and maybe get into some trouble as always.

After an unfortunate meeting with the commandos Spike turns up at Giles’ door despite just telling him he wants nothing to do with him. Xander’s military knowledge (it’s amazing how often that’s come up) helps them realize he’s got a tracker implanted in him. Giles gets some of the money back from the Fyarl fiasco in exchange for helping. Interestingly, Giles immediately calls Willow to perform a spell to buy them some time. No concern about her use of magic right now.

Spike: I'm not going anywhere. Not until those bastards undo whatever they did to me. Put me back the way I was.

Xander: Sure, just explain to the nice scientist guys that you really miss torturing and killing innocent people.

Spike: Think that'll work?

Giles: Spike, Lord knows why I'm telling you this, but it's for your own good. As long as the Initiative's in operation, it's not safe for you here.

After Maggie watched Buffy and Riley and heard her ask about 314 she makes the decision to kill Buffy. Since Maggie died prematurely we can only speculate on how much she was motivated by possession of Riley vs. pure protectiveness over her operation. I think it was obviously a little of both, but ultimately I think her feelings for Riley would have lost out to her love of the Initiative. I think a big reason she cared so much for him was his compliance anyway. Maggie expresses some regret over the loss of a powerful ally in Buffy.

After sending Riley on a mission Maggie contacts Buffy to set her up. We get a quick glimpse of Buffy and Willow’s lack of a relationship right now as neither tells the other why they were out all night. Buffy is sent to the sewers and quickly realizes she’s been set up. And then THE BEST SCENE:

Maggie: Two of our hostiles broke free and escaped into the tunnels. She went after them on her own. She's dead, Riley.

Riley: What?

Maggie: I did everything I could to stop her. Told her to wait for a back-up team. She kept insisting she didn't need any team, she could handle it herself.

Maggie: I'm so, so sorry.

Riley: I-I don't understand. How could this happen?

Maggie: I know how much you cared for her. She was a very, very special girl...I was just beginning to... I didn't understand at first. But she had something. I don't know... maybe I could've stopped her. It's hard not to blame myself--

Buffy: Hello, Professor Walsh...That simple little recon you asked me to do? Wasn't a raccoon. Turns out it was me trapped in a sewer with a faulty weapon and two of your pet demons on my hands. If you think that's enough to kill me you really don't know what a slayer is. Trust me when I say you're gonna find out.

First, I love that Walsh really thought her trap would work. Buffy hasn’t had access to military-grade weapons throughout her run as the slayer (okay, maybe a few times) so she’s had to rely on creativity. Second, I love Riley’s emotional reaction. A little poorly acted, but so cute. And third, badass Buffy is badass. Suck it, Walsh.

Riley walks out to the Maggie ordering him to stop--even resorting to saying Riley instead of Agent Finn. But for once he’s not following orders. Maggie seems to think he’ll come around once Buffy is killed. But Adam wakes up and kills “mommy” before she gets the chance to find out. This is when the villain arc of the season begins to suck. Adam is a huge downgrade from Maggie/the government and their infinite resources.

Character Notes:

Buffy Summers: When she was eight she took a trip to Washington D.C with her parents and got lost in the Smithsonian. Her code number is 91423.

Riley Finn: His code number is 75329.

Tara Maclay: She found a dolls-eye crystal in her attic she believes belonged to her grandmother. She gets it for Willow, but Willow doesn’t feel right taking it.

#david fury #buffy summers #riley finn #theiinteam #s4 #tara maclay #willow rosenberg #Xander Harris #anya jenkins #spike #rupert giles #forrest gates #Graham Miller #maggie walsh #willow/tara #xander/anya #Buffy/Riley

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cursedbcrn · 2 years

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ACE!

oh man, ace you make me use big brain even with our most convoluted conversations. i think you are in fact the only person i will spend forever with writing out long detailed analysis about how my character feels or would process a situation. you are also usually the first person i go to when i want to spam pictures of my madison musings, because even though you are sleepy, and usually working, you always take the time to respond. okay sometimes you forget, but work, so i never get mad about it lol. you were one of the first ones to reach out and want to plot, and damn how could i not make you a ship exclusive with all the stuff we've come up with? hope shows such real care with both madison and lizzie. and frankie? fuck, i can't wait to start writing with her as well. i think out of everyone ( surprisingly even gwen ) we have the most thought out plotted ships. and that just makes me so happy because you are an absolutely phenomenal writer. you're usually the first person to reblog all my promos, and you always like our posts which i appreciate because then i know you've seen them. and i love talking about how gross our characters are when they decide they need to smut. because seriously...just what even are these kinks they are into? and it's so funny to me cause i can just imagine your pain being ace lol

ANYWAYS, i've rambled enough. point is i love you, and i can't wait to see what the future has in store for us. also, happy 60th birthday - @burningcrown

TELL ME SOMETHING BEFORE 2021 ENDS

Dani what the hECK! First of all, I am so sorry that my brain somehow activates yours because big words are exhausting, and I should know. But also I love listen to you ramble and talk and discuss Madison, whether it’s talking about how she wanted to learn the banjo or discussing her trauma and how it affects her personality and life. That is the kind of character development I live for, and I love seeing other people get just as into it as well. Second of all, I’m also sorry that I forget to reply sometimes (I swear my memory is going with my body), but trust that I thoroughly enjoy every single thirst trap of Madelaine that you send. Beyond Madison, I have loved writing with your Lizzie and your Jade and your Landon and Hope and even though I don’t know a single thing about After, I still offer up any of my muses to beat up trashbag mcdoucheface. Plotting and talking with you is easy, you always give me something to work with which in turn, makes me more excited to reply.

Also, I never thought I’d make it to 60, so this is a nice surprise. Thank you for being a wonderful friend and writing partner and I am very much looking forward to all the other things we can write together in the future.

#[ ooc. ]#[ save. ]#[ answered. ]#burningcrown

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han100894 · 6 years

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Catching up on the arc, theorizing, and a little salt...

So I’ve just caught up on the last few pages of Girl Genius, and I figured I’ll share my thoughts a bit (And will warn people now that it dose focus in on Zeetha quite a bit at the end).

Overall everything is hectic as usual—though at least some threads are starting to fall together. I was hoping we’d get some Zeetha focus in the English arc but I really didn’t expect the Skifander stuff to come into play like this (frankly I thought the focus would be because of the circus and more character development than plot—though maybe that was my first mistake, this comic dose very little on the whole character development side of things…)

I don’t trust Rakethorn as expected, I hope Albia is not just a generic big bad because it would be really interesting for her to go against the Muse of Time (like the grey witch) who killed one of her fellow queens and possible destroyed the network. I seriously doubt Violetta is dead, though I will give some odd that she is bit will be revived. At best I do thinks he’s rather hurt though.

And I’m really, really hoping that Zeetha (and Oggie) are going to play private Eye (Bonus points if they do so mostly alone, without the Sparks help) since not only would that give Zeetha some much needed face time and plot relevance(Considering you could have taken her out of the last major arc (Paris) and minor arc (Trains) and nothing major would have to change at all (She could have just came with Oggie and Maxim to be here in England, there were a hundred ways to get Higgs to move other than worfing her and him panicking over a few bruises on his warrior girlfriend that were gone in days and that’s really about it.) and also give her a break from being constant comic relief.

I’d had great hopes once they showed Zeetha finally mentoring Agatha again about how Albia will approach things, and then Skifander being brought up and while I won’t say they’ve been dashed (the arc has only started after all) I have been disappointed several times since then.

One was Zeetha for all extents and purposes falling or the same trap she warned Agatha about—which might not be fair since it’s not like we could read her mind and know for sure she didn’t notice or suspect, but I admit since the timeskip I’ve been disappointed enough in Zeetha’s portrayal that it was my first thought.

Then was a lack of real emotion over what Albia told her and then Steelgarter after that page was over—but that’s a fault in the comic in general—it’s all action and not downtime to feel things, like ever.

Three was her, despite Agatha obviously pretending not to know Higgs, and her knowing that he did spyish stuff if nothing else, glomping him anyway. I love Ziggs, I really, really do—there my favorite couple in the story full stop, but Zeetha losing all ability to reason when he shows up is really not how I want it to play out.

(And I know people will point out her “I’m not good at subtle comment” but that comment itself annoys me to know end, not only is what she did something other characters have done and gotten way with all the time, but Zeetha has shown numerous times she’s capable of subtlety and secrets and isn’t a giant idiot at the very least, so it feels like the authors just put a big red post-it note over her telling us Zeetha isn’t subtle when all the show they’ve done before hand has said the opposite, like they decided to retcon it really, really poorly…)

And then she leaves them instantly, despite murders happening, to prepare for sex that isn’t going to happen until Higgs is done anyway which could take who knows how long. She knows the chaos that happens, she knows how often Agatha gets kidnapped or attacked, she knows that they are in risky territory, and I guess it could just be her trust in Higgs but the last time she did that (Granted with Higgs in toe) she lost Agatha for two and a half years and at least that time she showed some concern.

(I swear it’s like the Timestop didn’t affect anyone but Gil.)

And yeah sure, sex implied, haha, haha “funny” (Zeetha being comic relief again…) and I get that it was to move the plot along so Zeetha would find the fight scene (but she could have just been planning on getting her swords, I mean really…)

I dunno it just bugs me.

I Do like Zeetha being able to notice that there is something odd about the fight scene (I imagine, or at least hope she’ll figure out it means four arms sooner rather than later) and even did better than Oggie who figured it out through scent and didn’t notice right away.

And like I said I hope this continues on focused on her—since it is her plotline (Being Skifander and all) and in fact I’m kinda hoping Violetta is out for the count for a while since she probally is better made for this task, but she has nothing to do with this story thread and has had a lot of screen time and badass moment sin the last arc and it will be nice for her to be shelved for a bit.

(I don’t hate Violetta not even close, but I do feel that when she was added to the story she took a lot away from Zeetha’s character. From her sneakiness (Zeetha could sneak up on Krosp, sneaking round Stumhulten and gathering info), to being Agatha’s minder and protector, to awesome fights, to even her screen time. Honestly it feels that since her introduction she’s had more plot relevancy/ and even lines than Zeetha has despite Zeetha having 2 to 3 years on her, and she has definitely had more since the timeskip where Zeetha could have just not been around and the story would have still happen up until say, the ball (where Oggie and Maxim came back). And Violetta is always at Agatha’s side while Zeetha has had some major time where she hasn’t been around.)

So yeah, basically I’m hoping for Zeetha and Oggie Private Eye, and also probably a few badass moments, from investigating to fights (Where hopefully she won’t be the worf for once, or the plot device like she was with Higgs.) and not shown up for once as well on her on plot thread…

#girl genius #zeetha #higgs #ziggs #salt #let Zeetha be relevant 2018 #or at least let her be serious for more than two pages

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cromulentbookreview · 6 years

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Weaponized Jaws

Or: Seafire by Natalie C. Parker!

Action on the seas featuring badass female protagonists? Yeah, I’m definitely going to read that. Very little needed in the way of convincing me to read this book.

Seafire had been advertised before as Fury Road meets Wonder Woman meets the ocean, which makes sense. Though with much less Wonder Woman and way more of Kevin Costner's Waterworld.

Alright, children, gather around while I explain to you what Waterworld was.

Yeah, Waterworld. Not a video game, it was a movie starring Kevin Costner, the world’s only American-accented Robin Hood (hey, I like that movie, Alan Rickman was a treasure and I’ll fight anyone who says otherwise). Waterworld came out in 1995 and was massive flop, now a bit of a cult-classic. I remember 1995, somewhat vaguely. God I’m an Old now, aren’t I?

I’ll never be as cool as Steve Buscemi, though.

For those of you who enjoy both Fury Road and Waterworld, then you’ll definitely like Seafire. I love anything that takes place on the ocean - a side effect of my strange Dudes on Boats fixation that I’ve mentioned previously (my apologies to For a Muse of Fire, . Sea stories are kind of my thing. So is post-apocalyptic YA fiction. So this book ticked all the “I need entertainment and want to forget the news exists right now” boxes and worked out perfectly.

Caledonia Styx lives in Crapsack Waterworld, a post-apocalyptic flooded version of our world (referenced occasionally as the “old world”, flooded/destroyed as a result of some unknown calamity). Caledonia has the misfortune to live in an area controlled by Aric Athair, a vicious warlord and sir-not-appearing-in-this-book (since Seafire is the first in a planned trilogy, I’m sure we’ll meet him eventually). Anyway, Athair controls his war boys, called Bullets, by drugging them with something called Silt, made from some sort of weird hybrid poppy-flower-thing. Life in Athair’s territory sucks, so Caledonia’s mom, Rhona, and a bunch of other families have gotten together on the Styx family’s ship, the Ghost, to break through Athair’s blockade and head off to freedom elsewhere.

Unfortunately, the night the Ghost intends to escape, Caledonia and her best friend Pisces (they’re really big on the names from Greco Roman mythology in crapsack Waterworld) are sent ashore to gather some last minute supplies. Caledonia comes across a bullet called Lir, who asks for her help. It’s all bullshit, though - the second Caledonia gives away the location of the Ghost, Lir and his fellow bullets attack, slaughtering Caledonia and Pisces’s families and sinking the Ghost.

Pisces didn’t witness Lir’s treachery, though, and Caledonia, feeling responsible for the deaths of all those onboard the Ghost, keeps that bit where she gave away the position of the ship to herself. That makes sense, considering how guilty it feels, but later, as Caledonia refers to Pisces as her “sister”, the fact that she kept this bit of intel under wraps does become a tad annoying. Especially when Caledonia refuses, multiple times, to clarify why it is she does’t trust Bullets. She’s just like “nope, can’t trust Bullets” instead of “no, that one time I trusted a Bullet, he slaughtered our families.”

Anyway!

Four years after the deaths of their families, Caledonia and Pisces have raised and repaired the Ghost, renaming it the Mors Navis.

(Language nerd sidebar: Mors Navis, by the way, is Latin for Death Ship. Thank you Google translate! No thanks to my 10+ years of German education. Why couldn’t I have picked a Latin language? Noo, I had to go with the Germanics. Mors Navis does sound way more menacing than Totenschiff. Eat it, B. Traven).

Over those four years, Caledonia, acting as captain, and Pisces, her first mate, have collected a crew composed entirely of girls and women, all of whom have no love for Aric Athair and his Bullet army. Caledonia and her crew basically go around the Bullet seas, making life hell for Athair’s people. During one such mission, Pisces is wounded and then captured, only to be rescued and returned to the Mors Navis by a Bullet who claims he wants to escape. Caledonia, who has literally zero reasons to trust Bullets, doesn’t trust him. Pisces points out, reasonably, that he saved her life when he could have left her to die. But Caledonia simply repeats her mantra of “no trusting Bullets” while refusing to elaborate.

Until the Bullet lets it slip that Donnally and Ares, Caledonia and Pisces’s brothers, respectively, survived the massacre on board the Ghost and were pressed into Athair’s drug-addled Bullet army. He knows what ship Donnally and Ares are on, and the route it takes to bring in conscripts (read: children stolen from their families, drugged, and forced into Athair’s army, refusal to comply met with extreme violence, in the usual fashion of a murderous tyrant).

Suddenly, Caledonia has reason to question her strict “don’t trust Bullets” policy. But it’s one of those Meek’s Cutoff situations: the Bullet could be a lying sack of shit and leading the Mors Navis into a trap. Or he could be telling the truth, leading Caledonia and Pisces to their long-lost brothers. What to do?

Well, it’d be a pretty short book if they just shot the Bullet, dumped his body in the ocean and moved on, wouldn’t it?

It took me a little longer to read Seafire than I intended - I’m a slow reader anyway, but while I was reading Seafire, I was also binging on Scott Lynch’s Gentleman Bastard series (which are fantastic by the way - highly recommend the audiobooks, Michael Page is an amazing audiobook narrator) so my focus may have been just a wee bit divided. My biggest complaint is now we have yet another seafaring heroine with red hair. How come all the seafaring heroines have to have red hair? Also, it’s funny you should bring up red hair, because in the world of the Gentleman Bastards, bad things happen to girls with red hair. Seriously, how come all the fiery heroine types have to have red hair? I mean, it’s not like I’m jealous or anything. I mean, it’s not like I should have been born with red hair, but no, it ended up a dull, boring blonde, and hair dye is expensive and smells terrible...

Uhm.

I mean.

Seriously, though, red hair is a rare thing - if Caledonia’s father had dark hair and her mother had red hair, the most likely outcome would be a bunch of kids with...dark hair. Though if her father did have a recessive red-hair gene, then it’s entirely possible for him to have produced red-headed children... So I guess it’s possible.

Not that I’m annoyed that my hair didn’t turn out red. Even though it should have, goddamn it! I know those recessive genes are in there somewhere!

Stupid lousy blonde hair grumble grumble grumble...

Ok, back to Seafire - it is definitely a highly enjoyable book, lots of nonstop action, but not a lot of resolution because it’s the first in an intended series. I highly recommend breezing through the book in one go, rather than endlessly picking it up and then putting it down in order to find out whether or not Locke and Jean finally kiss (they don’t).

But yes, jealousy over fictional characters’ red hair aside, the only major complaint I have about Seafire rests with a single line. The thing about reading ARCs, which I think I’ve mentioned before but, again, nobody reads these, so I might as well: ARCs are not finished copies. The final copy of Seafire might not even feature this line, so it seems silly to complain about it, but complaining is fun so I’ll do it anyway.

So the secondary-boss villain, Lir, Caledonia’s sworn enemy as he killed her whole goddamn family, is described as having a “long face with a jaw that looked sharp enough to be a weapon of its own.”

From that line onward I found I was unable to focus on anything except how a man’s jaw could be sharp enough to constitute a weapon. It’s a question that’s been driving me to distraction for weeks now. Is Lir’s jawline sharp enough that it comes to a point, like a knife? What would that look like on a three-dimensional human person? How would one wield their weaponized jaws? Like a battering ram? Or would you just like, wave your head around like a sword? Does this mean his chin comes to a point, too? That one line of the galley proof of Seafire has caused me more consternation than anything else in the book - and this is a book that features lots of violence. Lots and lots of it. And here I am contemplating a man with a weaponized jawbone.

I mean, of the whole book it’s one line and it doesn’t even matter but...but...gah, I can’t help but picture a guy with knives for a jaw.

RECOMMENDED FOR: Fans of badass female protagonists kicking ass on the high seas, fans of YA lit who also happen to be fans of Kevin Costner’s Waterworld.

NOT RECOMMENDED FOR: Anyone who takes physical descriptions of fictional far too literally.

RELEASE DATE: August 28, 2018

RATING: 4/5

ANTICIPATION LEVEL FOR SEQUEL: Lhotse

OBLIGATORY STYX REFERENCE:

#seafire #natalie c parker #ya fiction #ya action/adventure #young adult fiction #review #badass female characters #sea stories #post apocalyptic #caledonia styx #mors navis #seafire trilogy

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lesceriises · 4 years

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❣ and ☮ !!

odd question munday meme

❣ ━ If you could marry one fictional character, which one and why?

hector of troy. does he count? if not either james norrington or bail organa or fitzwilliam darcy. what can i say? i like extremely busy usually rich slightly arrogant men often with a lot of responsibility who don’t have much of a sense of humor (not openly anyway) are try to do what’s right even if they mess up a lot along the way. i’m 100% not into the lovable funny men you might find in a romantic comedy. i see a man being serious and minding his business and being a workaholic and i want to marry him.

☮ ━ What do you do to try and get the muse to roleplay a character?

nothing. i don’t believe in having muse. i think due to things that happen in real life some days you want to write/feel more inspired to write more than others, everything else just comes down to being consistent. even if the post is shit, doesn’t matter, it got written, lets move on to better things. (easier said than done though, i know, trust me). lack of “muse” being a consistent thing is a symptom of something deeper than not finding the right words to reply to a post.

i also believe relying on muse to write leads to people always searching for the “high” of novelty of more plots instead of investing in the ones they already have. as someone who has adhd and struggles deeply with short attention span and being consistent, i know such behavior is a trap and i personally would rather not engage with it.

honestly i’m a very logical person so it’s less about having muse and more about “what’s the point of what i’m writing?”. if i feel like there’s no point i’ll struggle with it. that’s why i prefer angst to fluff, and why i can’t for the life of me write threads where the characters are just watching a movie or grabbing coffee. it might be cute, but unless the thread is super short and there’s a point to it such scenes are best left for drabbles.

i’ll say, having certain songs on loop occasionally helps when it comes to writing some threads though. that’s how mariah carey’s we belong together made it to my top 50 on spotify lol

#thank you for asking <3 #atlcswrites

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coe-lilium · 7 years

Note

Would you be willing to rank the major Apocrypha characters (Masters and Servants) from best to worst? I'm curious as to how you would rank them

Gladly :D

Be warned that this will be 90% tastes and maybe 10% narrative/objective analysis. And sorry for taking so long to answer. Also, it got long ^^’

A concise, condensed ver before the cut

- 10+/10, tie between Mordred, Jeanne e Shirou

- 9.5/10: Semirams and Shishigou Kairi

- 8-7.5/10: Vlad, Achilles, Shakespeare, Caules

- 7: Chiron, Fran, Atalanta, Karna, Fiore, Darnic

- 6, I start not caring: Gordes

- “wasted” and “still bitter after 5 years”, no numbers: Avicebron and Siegfried

- 5-4, it’s complicated: Astolfo

- 4: Sieg (and it might go down to 0, I’m serious)

- 3 to 0: Jack, Reika, Celenike

Btw, I kept them vague, but spoilers/hints up to vol4 and 5

Rank “will fight the world for them, forever in Higashide’s debt, I wish one day for Nasu to write them himself because I trust the mushroom man to make me love them even more than I already do, 10+/10″:

Mordred: SHE. Higashide’s best accomplishment in winning me over no matter other flaws. Tie with Gilgamesh as my favorite Nasuverse character ever.

There isn’t a single thing I don’t love about her (bar that atrocious “dress” under the armor, delete that). The armored and casual character design. The backstory as abused and exploited child who tries to break free of her mother influence and plots but ends up following them anyway because of her other parent rejection and, ultimately, how Morgan life lasting damage could not be undone without support. Her snarky, bratty, selfish and ferocious personality she show to the outside world and the hidden insecurities, the good heart and the ability to reflect on her flaws. Her loyalty and her desperate need for parental love and recognition as her own person. Her fighting style that is a delight to read or watch, truly a beast. Her chemistry and relationship with Shishigou, all of it. How it start in that cemetery, how develops over the course of the story, how she manage to open, connect and trust him and ultimately find a real father in him.

If I have to find a “wish this was expanded on” is her written in but not recognised by canon issues with gender/presentation which wasn’t a real issue for me until I read metas here and I’m now quite confused especially on how to write her (him?) in the future, when I’ll hopefully get at it.

The only reason I don’t completely wish for her and her Master to have been made MCs is the love I have for the following two guys and this couple steal too much of a spotlight from other characters.

Still, while theirs is a story more focused on personal growth and healing then deciding the fate of a great number of people or the world, in the end Mordred and Kairi saved each other so it could’ve still meshed neatly with the overall salvation theme. Sadly it was not meant to be but I’m more than content for what we got.

Jeanne: She. Who gets only second place and no caps lock because, a surprisingly good portrayal none withstanding, she could’ve been even better had Higashide done a bit more research (in his favour, I don’t know what kind of books on her are translated in Japanese and if the processes transcripts are among them).

For example I’ll forever maintain that, while the whole “romance” thing has a historical base (funny that, uh?), it required a way better realisation and as it’s written in Apocrypha does her character a disservice. Laeticia too, who was a potentially interesting “device” and could’ve been our outsider perspective, got derailed into more nonsense romance and aww poor Sieg and oh man, who-gives-a-damn: not me.

Also, not enough of a sarcastic spitfire or military prowess (“just waved the flag”, now that’s a funny way to write “half of Charles’ court was impressed by how good she was with every damn weapon”) for my tastes but I guess historical Jeanne is just that irreplaceable or TM chose to emphasise her piety and “sainthood” over other traits in order to avoid an Arturia 2.0.

Not a single mention to her mentors either, in 5 volumes (which is bad, extremely bad, Higashide why) and too much of Gilles de Rais nonsense but unfortunately Type Moon is committed to roll with it. Dunois, La Hire and d’Alencon never, poor me.

That said, Fate!Jeanne is really a good interpretation, firmly rooted in history and I love, love her.

Her faith and lack of hate are spot-on and are treated with respect instead of mocked.

She’s allowed to have a no-nonsense and even ruthless soldier like attitude, a protective streak (which always remind me of that promise she made to a young noblewoman to keep her husband safe and bring him back to her, or how she took care of her young squire. Both survived her) and loth of empathy at the same time.

She’s down to earth but can also be immature and have flaws and be tempted.

This post is already long as it is, so here’s some more reasons I love Apo Jeanne:

Novel Jeanne musing 1

Jeanne meta from the manga 1

Jeanne meta from the manga 2

My eternal greatest disappointment will forever be the lack of a satisfying confrontation with Shirou. You write someone able to shake Jeanne d’Arc convictions, make her doubt her conduct and moral standing when the threat of torture and the Rouen process weren’t able do so... and you don’t follow on it? Unforgivable.

Shirou: This guy. This absolute mess of a human being. I need more and no, GO, “evil alternative self” isn’t what I mean (but yeah, gimme him too). After discovering him in Apocrypha I started digging my university library to hunt down his IRL self story and there is no higher accomplishment for a Fateverse character for me. Fascinating person and fascinating take by TM, double so since I discovered dude’s still being vilified in contemporary Jp stories/entertainment and man do that enrage me.

It’s like someone mixed up a character I love (Kirei), one I loathe (Kiritsugu), shaked it and the result it’s the best possible one I could ask for.

I like the character design (both), the historical and post 3HGW backstory and how it shaped him into a Jeanne opposite (for excellent reasons), the most “Kotomine” traits like the snark and trollish attitude and how they cover all the suffering, despair and hate boiling under the constant smirk. How Higashide avoided the “turned evil” interpretation that’s prevalent in jp entertainment and made him a good person and a hero, if a misguided one and also the trapping of a “void/hollow inside” personality and instead gave him those fragments where you see he’s still a 17yo kid.

He’s not just interesting, he’s funny to read, even with all the angst going on.

The interactions with Shakespeare are great and... his relationship with Semiramis. Man, that’s excellent, excellent stuff. Can’t gush enough about how much I love them together

My only great complaint -for now, until I see a certain late discovery with my own eyes- is that all the narrative build up and comparisons between him and Jeanne (done in-universe and acknowledged within the text mind you, I’m not headcanoning here) went wasted.

How can you write two characters who mirror each other so perfectly, put them as “head” of their factions, in the same role both... and not deliver with a confrontation? The only thing that tried to do so was -ironically- the anime in ep #13, as their confrontation in the novels wasn’t as personal and as good as the anime.

Rank “good, excellent civilisation, never get tired of them”, 9.5/10

Shishigou: best father ever, 100% should legally adopt Mordred. He was/is extremely enjoyable to read about, snarky, smart, his fucked-up magus backstory had long lasting effects but managed not to destroy him, on the outside your tough, broody mercenary making hard decision but actually a good, moral person with a caring nature and, again, a great father.

As already said, his and Mordred narrative is less tied to the different views of salvation theme and more to the “people making their wishes come true” and they’re bit of outliers for the whole duration of the story but I wouldn’t change a thing (except one T_T).

His relationship with Mordred is one of the absolute highlights of Apocrypha for me, in every medium.

Semiramis: shallow reason first: charming, scheming, hot asshole-ish royalty in league with a Kotomine troll, what more could’ve I asked for? That she was an interesting char in her own right, which is what I got.

More in-depth, she’s another character I never have enough of. Begrudging sole responsible adult of red team, I couldn’t help but grin every time she had to deal with AKA team or single members, not to speak of her scenes with Shakespeare, which are both amusing and very good for characterisation.

She may not have that much of screen time compared to other faves but earned her place by making what she had memorable.

Her backstory is simple: abandoned child learns to exploit her society view on women to rise to the top and get everything she wants and fuck everything else. Which not only neatly establish how and why she became what she is but also why this broken kid, which is a sort of her exact opposite, fascinate her so much.

Speaking about our broken resident Kotomine, her chemistry with Shirou is simply great, all of their scenes are a joy to read. They have fun plotting together, they (she, dude’s either too young to notice or just let it go) casually flirts, have a functioning, mostly open relationship from the get-go that works no matter how messed up they really are and get each other’s back until the very end. Most of the more lighthearted stuff is in vol 1-2, then things gets more interesting.

See, as much as she seems to be (and like to present herself as such to enemies) the perfectly devoted Servant and is aiding Shirou… she’s also truly villainous, cold and ruthless as hell and is also very conflicted and switch back and forth on what she wants, not much as out of the War as instead from her Master in particular (don’t think bad… okay, do) for the whole series. Vol3 and 4 are a godsend for her character and you dunno how I wish we had more than a bare bone summary for vol 5 because god damn some things in that summary.

With the many, many stay night or Zero parallels and homages in Apocrypha, she come off as a sort of reverse Zero Gilgamesh and Gilles in being, respectively, the devilish member of the Kotomine - Servant pair and the “personal involvement/interest in the saint figure, sometimes verging on the creep-ish, predatory behaviour" one (Gilles was 100% full on creepy mode, Semiramis keeps her thoughts for herself and is just tempted. I strongly appreciate), “reverse” for being conflicted, but in the end being a better person than both dudes above and respecting and knowing her partner enough to let go of her worst desires/frustrations. There’s some really good stuff in these two’s relationship, let me tell you.

If Mordred-Shishigou take the cake for best platonic relationship in Apo, Semiramis and Shirou single handy destroy every competition for the romantic one.

Rank “You. I like you”, 8-7.5/10

Vlad: here’s someone I’m pretty content with how he’s written (I wouldn’t change a thing), but really wish had had more space just because I enjoyed him a lot. Higashide nailed him and I wanted more of a historical Vlad III who is a hero, a good ruler caring for his country and a ruthless warrior and executioner and none of this aspects negate the others. Plus, it was refreshing to see a Vlad III being so clearly separated from the “vampire” twist that his wish for the Grail was to erase book and legacy from existence.

Achilles: a simil Alexander, I dislike the IRL/myth dude but can’t stay mad with their Fate incarnations. I like his personality, his quirks, his relationships with Chiron and Atalanta. Loved the mocking duel (and the anime committee will hear me scream from the other side of the world if I get robbed of it yeah, I wrote this part before ep17. Fuck you A1).

I don’t even think he needed more screen time, he’s really fine with what’s shown. Not every character need to be a main one and Achilles manage to be a good secondary one, with enough development and characterisation.

Shakespeare: here’s an enjoyable dude I like to hate. Amusing character, his interactions with Semiramis and Shirou are a joy to read or watch, but, fuck this guy. May Moriarty and Saber Gilles have their way with you in Chaldea.

Caules: one of those rare beasts known as “perfectly functioning siblings” of the Nasuverese. Respect his Servant and tries to do her right till the end. A good dude.

Rank “could’ve shined more in a longer and more focused series, but okay” aka those who served their purpose, 7/10

Chiron Atalanta Karna Fran Fiore Darnic

Not really anything to say about each one here. They’re fine as they are.

Could’ve used more Darnic, the 3HGW is a fascinating subject no matter who the Einzbern decide to summon and his actions shaped the whole world of Apo. Personally I’d have cut the Jack business and expanded him as a character/treat, maybe to shed light into CT politics and magus society fuckery (because if there’s something the Yggdmillennia as a whole and each one of them in particular show is how the magi society is an aberration that twist and corrupt everything it touch). But in the end I know it was either Ygg vs CT as promised or Rulers against each other and I’ll gladly take the latter. A longer series could’ve had space for both, who knows.

Rank “nice arc. There are more interesting people but I’ve come to appreciate you”

Gordes: Probably the human character who experience more growth in the series.

Rank “wasted” and “decent what little is there, perhaps, but still bitter after five years”

Avicebron: also know as the poor thing similar to the antagonist in background and wish that could’ve worked with the themes while also being a personal foil to the protagonist in being a golem/artificial life creator and user but the writer couldn’t/wouldn’t bother with him for some reason and he only got to be the “Gilles de Rais summon Chtlulu and heroes have to team up to bring him down” of Apocrypha, with no other purpose than being a Zero “homage”.

To add insult to injury, the Adam threat does literally jack shit on a narrative point because “Servant goes stray and threaten the world, Servants form both factions have to team up to defeat him” already happened, 2 episodes before for the anime, end of vol2 vs beginning of vol3 for the novel version. And Mordred and Shishigou making an alliance with the surviving Black members was already going to be a thing after the Gardens mess. Shame, shame and shame.

Siegfried: tainbocuailnge here has written some good meta about him lately and, yeah, perhaps all of that was intended, and I can kinda appreciate it. The point is that I couldn’t give a single crap over the OC when for him to come into being means sacrificing freaking Siegfried. I may not have read as much or being already attached to the literature/epic character like other cases but… no, just no. Siegfried deserved way better than what he got in Type Moon.

Add more personal bitterness because with such numbers I thought it was finally time for the Heroes to shine and for the Masters to be sidelined and instead we got super special super powered MC. To hell with it.

If anything, Siegfried may be the only character the anime did more good than damage. He’s still there and sometimes get to act as a mentor instead of being a useful power up and then fucking off for the remaining 4 volumes.

Rank “I tried to like you, I wish I could like you, but I cannot stand you no matter what”, 5-4

Astolfo: I’ve tried to like him but to no avail (rest assured, though, that I’ll deck anyone who’ll try use that t*ap or “girl” bullshit).

It has to be that unholy combination of extremely airhead personality and mannerism, all the screen time he gets that could’ve gone to my favourites, that idiotic attempt at a “love triangle” (for the love of God, Higashide) and a voice acting that, I swear, even if I already didn’t like him from the novel the anime would’ve been the nail in the coffin. All these combined make him grates on my nerves like few other Fate characters. Perhaps part of my distaste comes from being unable to shake the feeling that the author himself don’t respect him.

I realise it’s quite… unfair, because on the page he has everything I usually like: he’s brave, he’s kind, he has morals and will maintain them in front of everything, he stand up to assholes, he save and inspire people, you can overpower him as much as you like and he still won’t care and will still fight you.

Astolfo is a good, decently written character and I really wish the franchise would just stop using him as a joke and stop being so gross to him in order to cater to even more gross “fans”.

If I were to put tastes/guts feelings aside, I could praise him for pages. I simply can’t bring myself closing the gaps from appreciating the undeniable qualities to actually like the character.

Rank: fluctuating between “your concept should’ve been handled by a more experienced narrator” and “goddamn, does your very existence piss me off”, pending more on the second as we go on, less than 4

Sieg: on the page kid’s got a good arc. An homunculus, a magus’s tool, trash to be used and disposed off, gains consciousness and, shaped by what he witness and the actions and sacrifices of heroic figures, rise to free his kin from their slavers and then find himself fighting to “save the world”. How he attained freedom and have come to interpret it and his experiences put him in the path of the antagonist and the two and their “ideologies” makes for an interesting double face of the coin, forced salvation vs free offer and answer to actual prayers. Sounds pretty great.

Unfortunately, Higashide aimed too high for his skills or didn’t learn well from Nasu and Shirou Emiya, or both.

Otakus mad because he “got the waifu” aside, Sieg do come across as too damn lucky and overpowered and there is a limit on how much the in-universe reason “damn, the Counter Force had to work hard to give him a chance to stop a Heroic Spirit with hundreds time his experience” can go before the readers start getting annoyed at Heroes dropping dead or getting sidelined just to push him forward.

I’m not a fan of these buzzwords, but the impression he’s a fan fiction OC that force the original and more interesting cast to revolve around/sacrifice for him or hijack their plots is damn strong. Scrap it, it’s not an impression, it’s exactly what happen. In at least 4 or 5 cases.

There were also too many times he bore me to death so not really what you want from your protagonist.

Another thing, more grave than personal preferences: his wish/fight firstly go nowhere, then get resolved too quickly without a fuss and then, once his goal has been effortlessly achieved, he proceeds to tag along and stole duels and confrontations from other characters, on which he had no stakes nor reason to be. What kind of writing is this?! He get the contract with Astolfo, walks in the castle and the Yggd agree on releasing the homunculi. And that’s it. Wow?

Also here’s my 100% personal reason for not having an ounce of interest in Sieg, godly writing skills or not: for once, just once, we could’ve got our first Fate solo female protagonist. An all-around badass but, at the same time, not an Arturia nor Shiki nor Arc nor Aoko clone. Who just happened to be my favourite historical figure ever.

Could’ve kept the same theme of opposing concepts of salvation, brought the Ruler vs Ruler/Saint vs Saint thing in the spotlight, with all their nice baggage of similar lives resulting in opposite views by different regrets and traumas, faith or lack (that instead got all swept under the rug, and man if the self awareness of vol4 isn’t something to behold) and after five years I still feel personally robbed of all of this, especially when it became clear Apocrypha was yet another “male protagonist with the world revolving around him while the female heroine gets to be his support/sidekick. Oh, and as already said, he get the confrontation with whom the narrative builds as her rival”. Because of course he does.

You don’t sideline Jeanne frigging d’Arc and expect me to forgive you for it.

Rank “why are you even here, why are we wasting anything on you”

Jack and Reika: ye god, why. The concept behind this Jack the Ripper? I find Fake ver superior but I’m on board. Then, first, that fucking character design. Sorry BL, reddit, MAL and whatever: putting a child in a thong is a revolting choice of character design and no, there’s no “well, she learned from prostitutes” that count. I appreciate at least the connection made with Atalanta. But the execution. Their “plot” drag and drag on and goes nowhere (hilariously so in the anime. What was the point of Jack killing some random homunculi and disappearing for the whole arc, again?). Their only narrative purpose is doing ???? for roughly three volumes, *do that* to Atalanta and shaking Sieg’s worldview. At least they grant Jeanne some badass solo scenes and to us more insight on her character. Still the equivalent of a anime-only filler, and a bad one.

Pity, really, because a child Jack who 1. is a child and act as one and 2. get heavily influenced by her/their Master and thus could either become a better person or be exploited wasn’t that bad of a twist for a famous figure but the pair was never allowed to be more than “Apo pair of rogue murderers”.

Celenike: just… begone. I cheered when she died in the novel, cheered loudly when she died in the anime and will cheer even more loudly when she will die in the manga.

#Anonymous #answer #fate apocrypha #fate apocrypha spoilers #fate meta #almost 4k words #fate series

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joulethieves · 7 years

Text

on my interpretation of balbasch and balvaan and why i sometimes ship one and why i sometimes ship the other [and also because i am obsessed with balvaan and never really talked about why, so here i talk about why!]:

( again this is all my perssssonal interpretation and im not going to tag this post bc it’s not something i’m posting to be like, accepted amongst other shippers, just thought it’d be something to share. also secondly i definitely ship balvaan harder than balbasch so i will obviously have more to say about the former.)

for me whether or not i ship balbasch or balvaan depends 100% on what mood i’m in in terms of interpreting balthier’s character.

you can look at balthier and his persona and read it as a facade, because it is. it’s all pretense. all archadian despite his lack of fealty to any land. all garrulous and haughty and showy. but this isn’t news to you; if you’re reading this you know the balthier we all know.

so why do i balvaan so hard?

because i love breaking those barriers. i love vaan’s rawness, total lack of restraint, total disregard for filters. i love balthier rattling on about freedom, no cages, no moors, and yet he shields himself in this facade, this facade as hard as an adamantoise shell which he sheds for no one but fran - and then there’s vaan, all street-grit savoir-faire, effortless, unabashedly himself. then yes, there’s vaan, vaan who dares to enter this shell of seclusion balthier locks himself in to pull up a damn chair and sit down and make himself fucking comfortable, and my balthier just lifts his head from his hands and glares, livid and flabbergasted, “how did you get in here? this door is locked, locked, locked” and vaan just smiling that gentle infectious boyish thief-smile and saying, simply, damnably simply, “oh no. a locked door. those are... sooooo hard for me to get into.”

i love to balvaan because i love to see vaan dismantle all of those complicated gears that make up the locked gate balthier puts around himself, i love seeing this man as something all-show and no-tell until vaan burrows his way in with no one’s fucking permission and it’s infuriating to balthier but he can’t help it, vaan sees right through him. vaan challenges him throughout the entire game, despite the blind trust and admiration vaan has for him, he never shapes himself around the endgoal of i want balthier to like me, so i will act like X so he likes me. y’know--how when you like someone, and you want them to like you, you--you kind of act a certain way. my vaan doesn’t. he’s just vaan. take him or leave him. and balthier takes, it’s what he does, and then he’s like SHIT, DIDN’T MEAN TO TAKE THIS, IT WON’T LEAVE AND IT’S WARM AND GOOD AND SCARY aaaaaa

sooooo that’s why i love to balvaan, bc i love vaan having that sort of way with people. they just. open to him. and balthier needs that, i think, in a way that feels safe with fran -- but fran is no hume, she does not know mortality the way humes do, does not know death and grieving the way humes do, does not have a hume heart or hume life or hume roots. and balthier is himself around her, but with vaan he can be himself around another hume, which he has vowed against doing forever. and it’s warmer, because it’s love, though he’d never say it. and it’s warmer, because it’s vaan, who is terrifyingly accepting of any ugly day balthier has. and it’s warmer, because vaan doesn’t play his games, doesn’t understand them and doesn’t like them, and calls him out on his bullshit, where i think fran spoils balthier and plays along because she loves him in a different way, an unchallenging sort of way. and it’s warmer, because it’s safe. safer, at least. my balthier, like anyone’s, is a flighty fellow.

balbasch is a different game and i’ve certainly read my share, and with balbasch i take balthier and i interpret (cuz i don’t write them) playing UP that facade, as many authors who do it well also do. balbasch is basch seeing balthier with all this pretense, and respecting it, understanding it in a way young vaan can’t. it’s saying, i know why these walls are up, it is not my place to bring them down; i will know the you that you wish for me to know and be grateful enough for that. balbasch is basch playing balthier’s game because he doesn’t want to risk challenging balthier’s performance in case he might truly lose him. balbasch is less challenging for balthier, less infuriating, more (if not solely) on balthier’s watch than basch’s. pirate and judge? bird and cage? angsty and cute, sure. and basch deserves to be spoiled from time to time by a handsome pirate breaking into his chambers for a good snugglefuck and a laugh because balthier is funny and basch deserves to smile. BASICALLY let me just--i don’t write them, so let me just copypasta an excerpt from someone who nailed it on the head what balbasch is to me (and them , and many others judging from their writing):

"Piracy, Captain," he says [...] [...] [...] "Is about doing what you want."

"And what about our shared situation implies I am in any way resistant?" Basch asks, tempering the damage done with care - for all of his conviction of freedom and callous, care-free nature, Balthier was difficult to pin with even the most cunning trap. There were rules with the pirate, rules within rules at times. Basch remembers some, but he had not learned them all when last they kept company - and perhaps he never would.

(you can read this here! it’s really sexy and well-written. this ship has such good writers bc you have to be a super strong one to pick apart these men like this)

^ this non-dialogue bit really nails balbasch on the head for me. it’s so deliciously, beautifully, almost heartbreakingly complicated. it’s a messy tangle of basch, having been used to bending to the wills of people, bending to balthier’s odd shapes he gnarls himself into on any given day. it’s--it’s walking on eggshells and it’s kind of, honestly, a little unpleasant to me. it’s playing up balthier. it’s pandering to his love of performance, it’s adding even more layers to an already complicated man who is only complicated because he makes himself so. quite frankly, balbasch is a lot of work, and it’s exhausting despite the really hot smut that’s there as a given. it’s just - if you love the balthier the game gives you, and not the man beneath it, and you want to play up that complex multifaceted shifty-flightly young man, then balbasch is great.

for me, it’s all the more rewarding long-term to grind the bones of balthier’s resolve to dust with vaan- vaan, who is nothing more than himself, who challenges silly pretense and bores into the person balthier is underneath. for me, balvaan helps balthier remember that he is human, a person, not a glorified self-assigned role at which everyone smiles and nods. vaan musses the pages of his script about and makes paper airplanes with them and it’s annoying but it helps balthier grow. however, in terms of getting more balthier meta and insight and motive-questioning, and gilding his already garish grandeur further, balbasch is a fun way to do so - a fun vehicle to ask why at balthier but in a different way.

balbasch is challenging in a way that makes balthier even more hard to understand. which can be fun, but sometimes i dislike it because i see balbasch as less of a challenge for balthier. i see less room for growth and more room for just being fed validation for his ridiculousness, and lord is he such a child.

personally i see a man like balthier with all his pretense and roll my eyes. “what’s that all about, anyway?” i ask myself, and so does my vaan-muse, and we work at picking all those locks and then vaan snuggles what he finds.

anyway! no flack to balbasch at all, i hope it didn’t come across that way! i love a balthier spoiling basch and i love basch respecting balthier’s facade and caring for him despite the fact he’s protecting himself. cages cages blah blah. balthier isn’t as free as he says he is. basch isn’t at all. so that can be cute.

end rant, i guess u can reblog if u want, but i didn’t write this to influence anyone! just some thoughts i had after reading that one excerpt i pasted in here that made me go this!! this is balbasch to me and why i do and don’t ship it sometimes.

#my own personal thoughts on balvaan vs balbasch #and what mindset i prefer when shipping them #balvaan

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my-lazy-genius · 7 years

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Drowning in the Fog of Yours

Author’s Note: Ahhh, why do I always post these so late. I’m so tired. OC Kiss Week day two, title is still a song from the same band. These are also OCs from my novel; the main two. This is bad. I’m sorry. Everything is angst. why this. Anyways, on the weird language/lack of contractions - it’s the character. She doesn’t use them. god i don’t know why i put myself through that but here we are

Characters: Pride/Cinder [mentions of Stefan, Archer, Lux, Ousmane, Mimi, Mai, Luciano, Radii]

Summary: In which what is lost can always be found. || Emotional Kiss [Day 2]

There is something unsettling about this deep-set grief. It is a grim reminder of the emptiness from her life in the freak show.

It is funny, Cinder supposes. She has this irrational fear of heights that she had never felt before she started - well - feeling. It is disorienting and makes her sick to the stomach; she had barely managed to cross the rafters after Archer that day so long ago. Perhaps, she dares to muse, it is not the heights she is scared of - it is the fall.

She is no cat.

She would not land on her feet, shake it off and keep moving. She is pliable, soft, splat-

Cinder does not know agony.

But she knows love, and a part of her recognizes that they are one in the same. Her heart wrenches painfully because of it. She loves her friends; Radii, Mai, even Mimi and Ousmane, though she has not had too much contact with them as of late. She loves the gang; Archer, Stefan, Lux - they are her family, her home. This is not the love she holds for Pride.

No, she is in love with him.

And thus, love and agony become one.

She supposes this is sort of like the fall, an endless feeling of her heart lurching into her throat and staying there while her stomach drops, despite the fact that it should be going up too. Everything around her spins until she can’t see straight, but her body instinctively knows the impact is coming. It knows it will be painful.

Had he simply vanished, Cinder would have been convinced that Pride was lying low, recuperating, and then preparing to come back to her. But this time, that is not the case.

She watched him die with her own eyes.

A part of her died with him.

She is not Luciano’s prisoner. He takes her in after Pride is gone, shelters her, does not let her leave. But she will not think of herself as a prisoner. Luciano is cruel, cold; she has seen that side of him, but he does not raise a hand towards her and Cinder thinks that perhaps the man is not as terrible as she has been told. Perhaps, then again, it is simply the fact that she is numb. Cinder almost wishes it was like her time back at the show - perfectly unfeeling.

But there is that spark of pain and love and weak, weak hope that lopes through her chest, every now and then.

She sees Pride in Luciano, though she supposes it should not surprise her. She sees Pride in the way Luciano stands, and in his eyes; Cinder finally understands where Pride inherits that darkness, that pride, from. She does not want to be here any longer; and when Luciano leaves her in the care of some of his employees so he can go take care of business, she chooses to fly away.

After Draven, they are not much of a challenge.

Cinder feels as though she is in a dream, making her way slowly to the doors. This is too easy an escape, she knows, and there is probably a trap waiting, but she simply cannot bring herself to think about it. She only thinks freedom, and her feet keep moving.

The door opens before she reaches it.

At first, she thinks it is Luciano. She sees the tall stature, sees the broadness of the shoulders, sees the dark hair, too dark to be Luciano, eyes too pale yellow and cat-like to be Luciano’s sunken brown.

She sees Pride.

He looks so desperately tired, eyes stricken and developing dark bags. But oh, she sees something light in them when they lock with her own, and she struggles not to believe this is real. He is dead; she watched him die. But he approaches, boots clicking on the marble floorings, reaching out, touching her, real and warm and oh stars this is not a dream, and Cinder’s carefully sewn pieces fall apart.

She does not even realize she is crying until her vision is too blurry to see his face and he reaches to wipe the tears away.

“You were dead,” she whispers, voice hoarse from disuse, “I watched you die.”

And Pride smiles, the nerve of him, “Don’t you know cats have nine lives?”

Whatever is left of her walls shatters at that smile. She drowns. Her fingers reach out, curling around whatever they reach first - an arm, a shoulder, she’s sobbing now, towing him down to her; he is crying now, cat ears flattened against his head.

“I thought I lost you,” she tells him, voice cracking miserably.

“I’ll always come back to you. You know that.”

She does.

She is not sure who started it, but suddenly they are kissing, grips unyielding and desperate. Never leave me, she tells him without words, and his agreement comes in the form of his arm cinching around her waist, towing her closer, closer, and they can no longer tell where one ends and the other begins. They are pure anguish, tainted with love and pain and hope and her fingers drag through his hair, cling to his shirt. Last time, her arms were not strong enough to hold on.

This time, Cinder decides, in that perfect moment of overwhelming emotions, she is never going to let go again.

#ockiss17 #day 2 #ocs #my writing #hnngh

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