#god bless taxes and the fucking library

[cheapcheapfaker]

heheheheh :3 (that’s his tongue out and then chewing on his hand)

#the bean #these are from like November but i finally FINALLY found someplace i could scan them today #god bless taxes and the fucking library #it was v cool. could see his hands and individual little fingers and toes and all. VERY freaky as well. but cool #he was super active. moving and grooving. #way different from 7 weeks when he was just a sea monkey. i mean i got to watch him eat his hand #we also knew he was a boy from the NIPT test but even tho he was only… 13 weeks in this? #the ultrasound tech was like oh yeah that’s a boy and flashed his hog. early developing hog i guess #technically making me the only one in the house with a full set #bc satchel doesn’t has his balls and Gilgamesh doesn’t have a foreskin. a fun Rama family fact for you #oh and the tech was impressed w how much pee i could hold. i asked her ‘do i have the biggest bladder you’ve ever seen’ #and she paused and said. nobody has ever asked me that before. #and never answered :(

[xmoriartea]

Time for a Barovian Ball!

art by sacrednanners @ TH

So to celebrate Burgomaster Ismark and the continued triumph of the Four Heroes of Vallaki, Lord Vasili von Holtz was throwing a ball! And as the tax collector of Lord Strahd - none of us fucking trusted him. Sure, we got all dressed up and ready for the black carriages that came to collect us and dozens of other citizens of Vallaki but we were ready to B R A W L and S T E A L—

And then... the Brides arrived.

DM @the-kiburi​ introduced these four fucking beautiful vampires entering the ball on behalf of Ravenloft and I became weak. And so did my very bi very poly death priestess who was in the process of denying she might have a feeling for Mina. So even while we were still planning to possibly do some crimes here... certain plans, like detecting OTHER undead, went... out the window. Because I saw 4 very lovely undead and decided I was going to get any information out of them I could. 

Sure other possibly relevant characters were being introduced from around Barovia 

BUT I WAS FOCUSED

So the party kind of broke up in various ways for the evening. I had strongly set my eyes on the Brides, Tanner was focused on trying to find the thing we came to steal, 

Arabelle was having her first ever date with +1 Rowan (look her lifes been shit, we wanted her to have a good night if she could), and Mina was torn between stress drinking and keeping an eye on everyone else

(I repeat: God bless Faraga aka old lady 2)

But as the night progressed, things really went downhill for me as a person who cares only a normal amount about 4 npc vampires

So while Tanner was figuring out about the small town artificer feud and started chatting up the councilwoman granddaughter of old lady 1 (and somehow inviting her into his fucking heist attempt??), I brought the ball aspect of the evening into play by approaching the little beskulled golden nightmare that is Volenta Popofsky

And this soon became a multi-night event...

We made some great jokes

and some fucking horrendous ones 

but I rescued the most emo of vampire poets from an old woman trying to seduce him and my night got infinitely better.

Meanwhile, Tanner and Councilwoman Kalina were casually sneaking their way through von Holtz’s estate looking for somewhere a rich fuck would likely be keeping a dragon skull... and things took a turn.

(Did I forget to mention he made TWO deals in the Amber Temple? Whoopsie)

Is it really D&D if you haven’t casually done mental war crimes to your DM?

But Tanner managed to gEt RiD oF the guard and lead Kalina into a weird little magic hallway and no way anything bad happens there. Which means it’s a great time to flash back to Alkali and her vampire hunting seduction

The whiplash between the two scenes was insane. When Alkali wasn’t wining and dining she was wining with Mina and talking about their Arabelle having a good night and it was a good time. Neither of them had any idea Tanner was doing goddamn crimes. So a good time.

Alkali was on constant look out for Strahd still because, you know, Ireena was here. And apparently having a great time dancing with von Holtz while her brother danced with my 4th and final target

But we couldn’t do this all in 2 nights of gameplay and the turns kept coming

Because hear me out. The Brides were the first vampires we met outside of Strahd who were not... monsters. They were monstrous, yes, but they were people. Charming, pleasant, a little bit too in love with a toxic husband, people. And if Alkali could be a homewrecker and get them to leave the toxic husband to create a better life for themselves without him and with her — that seems like a good idea, yeah?

Food for thought at least.

Tanner and Kalina got out of the weird nightmare puzzle room after locating the skull (but unable to get it cause its HUGE) and stealing a book from the library there. He was able to rejoin Alkali and Mina in their wine corner and a realization was had:

So off to find Arabelle we went.

Unfortunately, while Alkali and Mina were having that panic again. Tanner went off to go talk with edgelord von Holtz... and just... asked... for... the skull... To which von Holtz had had a counter offer:

Tanner said no. Because if he didn’t. Alkali would be gutting some people. Though he made a wonderful point that did mostly soothe the angry fish

And I presented my own counter offer to von Holtz by offering up my unique services as a death keeper

No luck, but other successes were soon had

Anastrasya was delightful and a little be vicious in a fun way and I’m here for it and ignore the fact I couldn’t properly count to four - it was late I swear

And then some cleaning up was done when Tanner realized we were spending the night here

He sent it to our merfolk prince friend Merrick and surely no way that goes weird, right?

But as everyone was settling in for the night...

then they both stood there like “......... good talk love you bye” but that’s familial love bby and Alkali will love and support Arabelle regardless and also promise to snuff out a fire genasi if he did anything that upset her. Love.

L o v e... ?

See. Alkali has been carrying this compass on her from one of her ship wrecks for ages. She got it off the first sailor she saw drown. Oddly... he was a sea elf. But he was on an Istishian ship, one that had stolen from Umberlee. And he drowned. And while a little bit wine drunk and a little bit sad... Mina told Alkali that the only reason she’d went on the mission for her temple to steal back the stolen relic.. was because her long lost brother had last been seen on that ship. Mina Lumenvroth... 

Alkali’s compass has the initials M. L. on it ... is this a guilt she feels perhaps?

But as far as spending the night went, it could of been worse.

Von Holtz wanted to chat with us come morning so all four of us + Rowan assembled in a side room off the main hall to meet with him and he, very obviously, doubled down on trying to convince Arabelle AND Rowan to spend time at the manor with him as collateral for lending us the skull.

We said no, again.

And then we REALLY said no when Alkali caught him in the act of charming Rowan and Arabelle to try and side with him. Arabelle managed to shake it off. Alkali charmed Rowan herself to break von Holtz’s charm - and then charmed von Holtz, threatening him against doing so again. It didn’t take, but he seemed greatly entertained by the attempt and allowed them to leave as the roads had been cleared.

Alkali OF COURSE had to make one last goodbye to the brides and Anastrasya may have gotten a little bold, but Alkali was into it

Fun times, fun times. 

Tanner found out the book he stole was a tome that increases INT so the next days following the ball were... quiet? Tanner spent some absurd number of hours reading a book and Alkali scrounged up every bit of oil and incense she could to hallow the ground Ireena and Ismark were moving into in Vallaki. A totally normal thing to be doing and she absolutely flipped off the bats that flew overhead as she spent 24 hours straight ritually cleansing the property so Ireena could feel safe somewhere other than the church.

Strahd was not getting another bride.

And if she had her way would be getting divorced soon enough too.

#dnd #curse of strahd #barovian currents #look #this was game changing #i would die for #the brides of strahd #they are my wives - escher too #hes a bride fight me #i love them to bits and this was one of my favorite dnd encounters ever tbh

[scruffandyarn]

That One Time Scruff Wrote an Avengers Fic (part 2)

If you’re reading this on Wednesday, August 22, that means I set the schedule thingy right!

Woo

Anyway, here’s the second part of this fic that I’m way too invested in for it to be healthy.

That One Time Masterlist

Bucky x enhanced!female!reader

Warnings: profanity, mentions of medication (including antipsychotic medication)

Thanks, as always, to these wonderful human beans:  @siriuspiggyback (you are the absolute best) @fangirl-library (you kick-ass, wonderful person) @written-loki-imagines (thank you for your fantastical support)  @bkwrm523 (where would I be without you in my life) @thejamesoldier (you’re amazing and deserve every good thing) @samingtonwilson (you’re super duper awesome) @invisibleanonymousmonsters (thank you so much for all your inspiration) @feelmyroarrrr (this is all your fault, still love you)

Word count: 2223

The flight to New York had been fairly uneventful.  The pilot hadn’t said much other than identifying as S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent Lee and giving you flight updates as the plane got closer to landing.  He gave off no vibes that would cause any alarm, this was probably just a routine procedure for him.  That had left you and Pepper more time to talk--or rather, more time for you to listen as she talked about her fiance and the people he worked with.  

While the idea of being in a building with one of the Avengers may have slightly terrified you, the love Pepper held for the man in question was so genuine that it helped in calming your nerves some.

The real trouble began as soon as you actually met Tony Stark.  Pepper had introduced you after a very chaste kiss.  One you sensed was nowhere near long enough for the man, if the lustful vibes you were picking up from him were any indication.  Those faded the moment he looked at you, his eyes immediately lighting up.

“So you’re the one Pepper’s been telling me about.”

You glanced over at Pepper but she only smiled.  “Uh...sure?”  A moment later, both of his hands were on your shoulders.

“Pepper’s told me all about what a help you are to her, and I can’t thank you enough for that.”  He finally released you and took Pepper’s hand in his.  “C’mon, everybody will be happy to see you’re back.” He began to lead her down the hall.

The relief you felt when he’d let you go was gone in an instant.  “Everybody?”

The worried look Pepper shot you over her shoulder let you know she hadn’t known about this until he’d spoken.

“You, too!” Tony shouted back at you.

Closing your eyes, you opened your bag and rummaged through until you found your pain meds.   You grabbed two of them in your fingers, popped both of them in your mouth and swallowed them dry.  Grimacing, you reluctantly followed after.

Riding in the elevator, Pepper kept shooting you looks, trying to gauge your level of comfort.  After a few moments of mindless chatter from Tony, he seemed to pick up your distress as well.

“Are you okay?”

You forced a smile to your face.  “Sure.  I’m good.  Just a bit jet-lagged.” You shrugged weakly.

“Maybe I should get her set up in a room before you introduce her to everyone.”  You hadn’t given Pepper the signal, but she knew.  Bless her.

“It’ll just be a quick ‘hello’ and then she’s free to nap as long as she wants.”

“Tony--”

“It’s fine, Pepper.” You really needed off this elevator or you were going to be overwhelmed by the intensity of the emotions you were picking up.  Closed in spaces with other people were not your friend.

She put her hand on your shoulder.  “You sure?”

“Yeah.  Let’s just get this out of the way and then I can sleep.”

Eight new faces greeted you after the three of you stepped off the elevator.  Eight wasn’t so bad, right?  Except these people were heroes, superheroes even.  They saved the world.  They were on the news and got asked for autographs.  

What the fuck had you gotten yourself into?

.

Tony introduced you before rattling off the names of his present team members.  Clint, Bruce, Natasha, Steve, Sam, Bucky, Thor, and Loki.

“Loki’s an Avenger?” You looked over at Tony and Pepper, confusion on your face as plain as day.  Pepper had her eyebrow cocked--apparently, she was just as confused as you were.

“No. He’s here so Thor can keep an eye on him.  But I promise, he’s had all his powers stripped and he’s perfectly harmless.”

Without even thinking, you reached up to scratch your nose.

“Why are you lying, Tony?” Pepper whirled on him.  “What are you not saying?”

“Well, I mean, he is still the God of Mischief, so I’m sure he’s got some tricks up his sleeve.”

You scratched your nose again.

“Tony, what are you planning?” Pepper glared.

Tony looked past you and Pepper to his teammates, and you could feel his hope start to dwindle.  He’d been thinking one of them would jump in and bail him out, but their silence meant he was on his own.

“Fine. He has been stripped of his power by Odin and he is under Thor’s watch, but he has to work with us in order to earn back his powers.  He’s kind of...a...temporary Avenger.” Tony shrugged helplessly.

This time, you scratched your chin.

“Thank you.  We’ll talk about why you felt the need to lie to me about that later.” Pepper took your elbow to lead you out of the room.  “Right now, I promised--”

“How did you do that?” Clint cut Pepper off and stared at you.  Natasha just elbowed him and rolled her eyes.

“Do what?” You could feel your blood pressure rising at the sudden level of distrust.  Maybe you should have taken that third pill.  

“With the…” he scratched his nose and then his chin.  “You knew when Tony was lying.”

You supposed you shouldn’t have been surprised--you were in a room full of spies and assassins and soldiers, for fucks sake.  Quickly, you looked over at Pepper with a deer-in-the-headlights expression on your face.  You were too scared to twist your wrist right now--clearly, what worked in business meetings was not subtle enough to slip past this group.

“Oh, I get it!  False,” he signed the word, “and the chin is true.” He showed the sign for that word as well.

“Great, but that doesn’t explain how she knew Tony wasn’t being honest,” Steve pointed out.

“I think it’s time I showed you to your room.  We have a conference call later and I need her rested.” Pepper tried, once again, to guide you out.

Unfortunately, Tony jumped in front of her.  “No way, Pepper.  If I’m supposed to trust that you’re safe with her, she needs to start talking.  Now.”

Yeah, you definitely should have taken that third pill.  Maybe even a fourth.  The uneasiness and tension filling the room was suffocating.  You really needed out of here before you collapsed from the pain that was growing in your skull.

“I said I would get you out of here, and I will,” Pepper began gently.  She put her hands on your shoulders to keep your focus on her...well, as much as you could, anyway. “But you’re safe here.  If you want to share with everyone, it would stay in this room.  In fact, some of them might be able to help with your headaches.”

“Really?” You couldn’t believe it.  A light at the end of the damn tunnel?  A way for you to get through life without having to take a handful of pills every day?  

You looked around at all the faces staring at you.  It was like every one of them was screaming at you, but no one’s mouth was moving.  You noticed the edges of your vision were starting to blur.  How were these people so much louder than everyone else?

“Later?” Your knees were starting to shake.

“When did you last take your meds?”

“Um…” Your tongue felt heavy in your mouth.  Everyone’s faces were closing in on you.

“Alright, everyone, I need you all to take several steps back.”  No one moved at Pepper’s order.  “Now!”

You felt, more than saw, when everyone reluctantly moved back.  The space allowed your head to clear slightly.  Finally, your tongue started cooperating.  “Um...I took two before we came up here.”

“Sweetheart, you know it takes at least a half hour for it to take effect.”

“I thought...I thought we were only meeting Tony.  One person is never this bad.”  You closed your eyes.  “Ten people yelling at me all at once…”

“How about you and I sit for a bit and wait for the medicine to kick in?  Then, when you’re ready--if you’re ready, you can let everyone know what’s going on.  Does that sound alright?”

“Please.”

Slowly, she walked you over to a couch and the two of you sat.  Well, she sat.  You kind of collapsed.  You’d have been embarrassed beyond words at how you must appear if your head didn’t feel like it was on fire.

“Can someone get a glass of water?” Pepper addressed the group before turning back to you.  “I need you to take at least one more of your pills.  Maybe two.  Okay?”

“Yeah.”

You felt Pepper reach into your bag and pull out your pills.  A minute or so later, she pressed two into your mouth and held a glass of water to your lips.  With a taxing amount of effort, you were finally able to swallow the pills.

“Why is she taking Clozapine?” More rattling.  “And codeine.  And atenolol.  What the hell is going on?”

Shit, she must have taken out all the bottles.

“Seriously, Tony? She can’t have any privacy?” The rattling sounds let you know Pepper had snatched the bottles back from him.

“Clozapine is an antipsychotic drug, Pepper!  You really expect me to trust her with you?”

“If nothing else, I’d expect you to trust my judgement,” she snapped back.

“Please,” you pushed yourself into a sitting position.  “Ugh.” Your brain let you know it was unhappy with your movement.  “Please don’t fight.  I--I promise, I will tell you.  I just need a minute.”  

You took the glass from Pepper’s offering hand and began to sip slowly.  All eyes in the room were on you, but you tried to focus on the feel of the water sliding down your throat.  After finishing the last of it, you were grateful to find that the pills had started to take the edge off your pain.

“Offer still stands, I can take you out of here, right now, if you want.”  

Thank god for Pepper.

“It’ll only cause problems later.” You flashed her a weak smile before turning to look Tony in the eye.  “Okay, so, the reason I knew you were lying is because I can...read people...I guess?  I don’t know the official word for it, but I can tell what people are feeling, when people are lying, those kind of things. I can’t change how anyone is feeling, but I know what they feel.”

You sucked in a deep breath.

“And the reason for the Clozapine is because sometimes, especially around larger groups of people or if I’m around a particular feeling for an extended period of time, their emotions become my emotions.  At those times, I don’t know how to separate my feelings from those I’m picking up from others.  The Clozapine helps.  The other two are for the accompanying pain.”

“So you’re an empath.” Bruce chimed in.

“I guess?”

“What happened to make you an empath?”

“Um...I’m pretty sure I was born this way.  I mean, I’ve been able to do this as long as I can remember.” Although, there were plenty of times you wished you could forget.

“Then you’re a mutant.”

You shrugged.  You kind of disliked that word.  At least when it was used by people who weren’t mutants.  Any time you’d heard it used by a normal human, it had always been said with distaste and you’d always been able to sense an underlying fear.

But...given what you knew about Dr. Bruce Banner, maybe he did mean it as harmlessly as his tone indicated.  He wasn’t exactly a normal human...at least, not anymore.

“So, what am I thinking right now?” Tony challenged.

You shook your head before looking back at Tony.  “That’s not...I’m not a mind reader or telepath or whatever.  I pick up feelings and emotions.  I can’t tell what you’re thinking, but I can tell you’re feeling a lot of skepticism, probably because you don’t believe me.  But there’s also some interest and excitement that I’m getting now.”

You could tell he was trying to fight a smile.

“Tony’s pretty easy to read, even without being an empath.” Natasha muttered.

“What’s she feeling? Tony prompted.

“Is that okay?”  You didn’t want to be on her shit list if she got pissed at you for revealing her emotions.

“Uh, sure.”  Her poker face game was stronger than you’d ever seen on anyone.

“You’re bored.  And you’re kinda irritated.  And I’m picking up some wistfulness.  Was there something you wanted to do other than this?”

She huffed a little.  “I have a date to get ready for.”

“Well, I’m pretty sure these guys have got it covered if I’m not on the level.” You smiled.  “It was nice meeting you.”

“Same.” She nodded before leaving the room.

You looked up at Tony.  “Do you believe me now?”

“What’s everyone else feeling?”

Your smile fell.  “Tony, even though I don’t know how to shut it off, revealing how people are feeling is kinda an invasion of privacy.  They may not want you to know what they’re feeling.”

“You never asked me!”

“That’s because you asked me.”  What Pepper saw in this guy, you were beginning to question.  He was exasperating.  “I don’t really like doing things like this.  Something always goes wrong.”

“C’mon.  No one else cares, right?” He looked at the others in the room.  “Right?”

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #avengers #marvel #fanfiction #ok #so yeah I said Bucky was gonna be in this part #and all he got was a name-drop #but i promise #he will be in the next one #for sure #but other than bucky #we got #Pepper Potts #Tony Stark #Clint Barton #Natasha Romanoff #Sam Wilson #Thor Odinson #Loki Laufeyson #Steve Rogers #Bruce Banner #(they'll be more than name drops in the next chapter too) #did anyone pick up my Stan Lee reference #cause he's totally in there

[chiizuburger]

Day 3: If you had to go back in time to change an event in your life, what would you choose?

I’m a hopeless romantic to a fault.

I was…

I am?

Back in college when Omegle was a thing and chat rooms were still significantly relative, I met a guy through our university chat room. 

He was older than I was. I was a senior at the time and he was two years into the adult world. 

Whenever I remember this moment, I can still feel the butterflies in my stomach and the blood pumping madly through me during that moment in time when I was supposed to be burying my nose on some shitload of tax-related cases but I ended up wasting my time online instead.

His name was Brian. 

He was funny. A delight to chat with it, which is a rare find online if you ask me.

We spoke about our metro train system and how his daily commute consisted of him traveling from one station to the other, gasping for air in a sardine-can-like compartment. 

We talked about How I Met Your Mother, which was about to end in a few months. We both loved the show and exchanged our thoughts on how it was going to end. 

In the middle of the conversation, he briefly interrupted the flow by telling me that a rooster outside his house was already crowing and it was barely even sunrise.

He jested, “You had one job!”

Most of all – and the most endearing thing I adored about this person – was that he described himself as an “awkward turtle.”

AWKWARD TURTLE! Just like me!

It was magical. I still believe it was. 

And of course, the hopeless romantic in me lit up like a firecracker.

I don’t remember how we ended our conversation, but we spoke the whole night through. 

I had a graded recitation that morning. I barely read anything for it, but I didn’t give a fuck. I was too overwhelmed with what I was feeling. 

It was a feeling I never thought I’d feel again. 

Suddenly, excitement felt real. Dark clouds finally lifted up and a rainbow enveloped me in all its glory. Sunflowers were smiling in my head. Everything felt light, hopeful, and magical.

It felt like destiny blessed me.

Something woke up in me that night and for the first time in my life, I felt like I was ready to fall in love and be in love again. 

Of course, the hopeless romantic in me wanted to test fate. I wanted to believe I could catch lightning in a bottle again, and boy, I did try.

I tried hard.

I spent a ton of nights hoping I could “bump into him” again online and I never did. 

Not once.

(At least not online.)

Two years passed and my supposed mild infatuation for this guy became somewhat an obsession. He was such a mystery to me because our interaction sparked so much feelings in me that it was probably the peak of my childish, blindsided romanticism.

(And it really was.)

I searched for any details about him online (like a freak in hindsight.)

I did find his Facebook and actually left him a long-ass letter, expressing how thankful I am for the conversation.

I searched for him in the school yearbooks in our library. I tried to figure out where he worked, but my stalking was only really online.

It never (and I’m glad it never) went offline.

Completely, at least.

For two years, Brian – this random guy I came across a chat room – was my idea of ~The One~ 

He was destiny.

He was it. 

If I was to be with a guy, Brian was it. 

I firmly believed it with my all heart because I was completely overpowered with my romantic projections of him. 

(Poor guy…)

So, IMAGINE MY UTTER SHOCK, when I actually physically saw him in a coffee shop.

Trust me, I WAS COMPLETELY SHOOKT.

There he was! Sitting across me! Physically! For two years I have been wondering where he is and THERE HE WAS! ACROSS FROM ME!!!

I panicked. I completely went haywire in my head.

I actually fucking felt like it was now or never!!

I was with a college friend when I saw him. My friend saw right through me. She knew I was freaking out.

The moment was there. Here it was.

Do I say hello? How do I even do that? What can I say? How do I introduce myself? Can I even introduce myself? Can I even just say hi?

With every fiber of my being, I mustered up the courage and washed away my dignity to actually approach him and say, “Hey, do you go to the same college as me? Are from the same building as me?”

(Ha! I was such a freak! God!)

Of course, he politely said, “Yes, but I studied in another building.”

“Oh. Okay. Yeah. Ah, sorry to bother you.”

Then I swiftly made an exit.

BUT, oh thy romantic self wasn’t satisfied. I felt like I needed to completely tell me my piece that I was thankful for the conversation. 

(I really don’t know why I felt so strongly about thanking him. Even until now, I don’t know why.)

So, like the full-on stalker I’ve become that night, I tried to approach him one last time and actually chased up on him when he was on his way home.

“Hey!”

“Hey?”

“Uhhh…. I know this is gonna sound fucking awkward, but did you use to go to Omegle?”

“Uhhh… Yeah?”

“Yeah. Um, well, don’t ask me how I know, but we talked there before and I just wanted to say that I was grateful for the conversation.”

“Okay???”

“Okay? Yes? Okay. Nice to meet you. I’ll go now.”

“Nice to meet you too?”

It was fucking awkward.

How ever you imagine it, yes, it was that painfully awkward.

I really don’t remember what I said, but couldn’t believe I said it out loud.

I COULDN’T BELIEVE I DID THAT!!!

It was super, full-on stalker of me, I know, I KNOW! 

But after that, the ~magical~ spell that was cast upon from two years ago was finally broken.   

Once I have said what I wanted to tell Brian, I was done. I was over my lovestruck condition.

I didn’t yearn for him to be ~The One~ anymore. 

I have moved on from him. From his spell. From the thought of him. The idea of him.

I know, reading through (and thank you if you have), it probably doesn’t sound like I did, but God knows I’ve screwed up every possible chance of actually being friends with the guy.

For God’s sake, I know I super freaked him out! 

And man, I’m super sorry about that. I still feel super sorry about it three years after when the realization and the effect of my actions finally hit me in the head.

This became one long-ass intro for the answer to the prompt, but if I were to go back to that event, I should not have approached him the second time.

One embarrassment was enough.

One embarrassing stalker move was enough.

That said though, I still remember that week. It was quite an eventful week when destiny played its hand.

Prior to that incident, it was the week I resigned from my first job and I got accepted to my current one. 

That week really felt like a climactic finish to a chapter in my life. 

For one thing, my perception about love and romance made a 180-degree turn. I’m not too much about destiny anymore. It’s more of the philosophy of letting things flow the way it should be. 

Don’t go expecting. Just let things be.

It’ll happen when it happens.

Um, to Brian, wherever you are, I’m super sorry for what I did.

I do hope you’re happy.

#personal #dear brian #wordsnstuff #wordsnstuffjanuary

[spotlightsaga]

Kevin Cage of Spotlight Saga presents... A Rewind Review of the final episode of Quarry on Cinemax whose cancellation was just announced yesterday. As you'll see in the language of this article, I personally hold the show in high regard, even including it the Top 5 #BestOf2016 series we ran. Cinemax, who is owned by HBO claims they are revamping the network that is just now gaining a good wave of steam and building a respectable library. The Knick was also a groundbreaking series that recently received the axe from the same network, yet Strike Back that last ran in 2015 is already getting a reboot. What say you, Cinemax? We are incredibly disappointed by your decision to cancel this incredibly thought provoking Crime Drama set in a very real to life 1972 Memphis. Michael D Fuller, executive producer and co-creator of the show (along with (Graham Gordy) is a huge inspiration for me and for 'Spotlight Saga', inspiring me to include a more honest approach to political standpoints, something at the time I was very afraid to use in my writing. The following article was written shorty after the end of Quarry's Legendary 8-Episode run. Going forward, as much as I am frustrated with Cinemax, I think it's important to focus on the positives here and follow & support both Fuller & Gordy in any future projects or endeavors they may have. Thank you, Fuller. Thank you, Gordy. You have earned more than a few lifetime fans. Kevin Cage of Spotlight Saga reviews... Quarry (S01E08) Nuoc Cha Da Mon Airdate: October 28, 2016 (Cinemax) Ratings: Premium Cable/Streaming - Nielsen is Guessing! Score: 10/10 (An Extremely Rare Perfect Score) **************SPOILERS BELOW*************** *Poltical Views do NOT represent Spotlight Saga* Well, I asked for it... Basically begged for it, I even considered taking a day off work to just sit at home and watch it. Now, I've finally watched it, and I feel...changed. 'The Vietnam Scene' let's us peak into the PTSD origins and Mac's time at war, as well as providing a provocative theory on just what we might have been doing over there in the first place... Losing lives on both sides, our veterans returning home to a chorus of boos, met with thick walls of human disdain, and stop signs in every direction they turned. Single Camera, long take shots can be risky. Just look at Daredevil, a show that successfully used them in S1, then overused the same hallmark shots in S2. They simply cannot be your whole show, because one continuous 'sequence shot', particularly those that surround an upsetting action or disturbing sequence linger with the viewer, like the shots themselves linger on the situation at hand. In this case, a raid in Vietnam 🇻🇳 on a village with mainly fisherman, women, and children... Innocent lives lost in a war that in the end meant nothing but death, heartache, and terror. Of course that asshole of a captain commended Mac (Logan Marshall Green) and praised him to The Broker (Peter Mullan) at the end, 'He's a good soldier.' Yup, cuz he does what he's told without hesitation... Like firing the first shot without thinking, snowballing a cascade of death and chaos, topping off the whole experience by throwing a grenade into a covered pit that contained a toddler... A toddler who we are shown blown right out of the pit into fucking pieces. That's one thing that Quarry never does, shies away from violence, from the money shot... And it never feels exploitative, it just feels like that's the reality, a reality that the viewers should not be protected from. And so it goes... The Broker is no vigilante, tho he does give the people that he employs the benefit of small 'in-between' jobs that make them feel like they are doing good in the world. It's a game of chess, and he is Bobby Fischer in his prime, and a patriarch of the 70's... A king of a dirty unferbelly ruled by the almighty dollar and poppy fields as far as the eye can see. The day I wanted to take off work, just so happened to have three or four people at the bar discussing Vietnam. Of course, right? I immediately throw Quarry in the mix and of course, none of them had heard of it... Unsurprising, considering how hard it is just to obtain Cinemax, thank god for Amazon Video now! We discussed the length at which protesters treated the returning war veterans; Picketing, spitting, throwing objects, screaming and shoving homemade signs in their face... As if the soldiers ever had a choice in the matter. You enlist, You're drafted, you're trapped, you're owned, and just like Mac... If you are a good soldier you do what you're told like a goddamn robot, a machine without empathy, and then when you return home you have nothing. PTSD? In '72? Here's a pamphlet. 'Be glad the man has his legs and his arms,' the man at the VA tells Joni (#JodiBalfour) when she desperately seeks help for a man she cannot save herself. So there you have the people in control of our government, sending our brothers, sisters, fathers, and mothers over to fight a pointless war. Then you have the rich men, the patriarchs, who are able to come through and buy a slice of the action... A poppy field... A goldmine just waiting to make the rich man richer. And then you have protesters, mainly uninformed Regular Joes who only see the picture that's painted before them, like the SJW's today that picket and march through our major cities furthering the divide they claim they are trying to stop. Oh yes, that's the truth of the matter, a truth that blind rage and ignorance stop people from seeing. There is something inherently terrifying about the parallels of Vietnam 🇻🇳 to the wars and thousands deployed in countries like Iraq 🇮🇶 Iran 🇮🇷 Afghanistan 🇦🇫 Pakistan 🇵🇰 Kuwait 🇰🇼 Bahrain 🇧🇭 Saudi Arabia 🇸🇦 Syria 🇸🇾 Yemen 🇾🇪 And I could go on and on and on, places we have no business being, places that our country backwardly depends on for oil, or countries that have militias and terrorist organizations just sitting on oil fields holding them captive to prevent the chaos countries like ours and others have caused attempting to police the world and secure access to natural resources, while they themselves use the guns we have directly armed them with to oppress their people and then line the pockets of people like Hillary Clinton's with hundreds of thousands of dollars. No, I am no sympathizer, both sides make me sick. The whole thing makes me sick. Mostly, the human race makes me sick. A long time ago while living in San Francisco, I realized that the most beautiful and pure people are mostly at the bottom sleeping in the street or struggling at a minimum wage job, while the ugliest and ruthless people are at the top inviting a lucky few up to share in a night of debauchery, caressing their insecurities with thoughts of becoming their protégés or possible arm candy while their young and their beauty is still intact. Just last week, less than a month to go in his final term, Obama abolished the 'Wet Foot, Dry Foot' policy, a policy that helped save thousands of Cuban 🇨🇺 lives and helped build the great city of Miami that I call home... This done in the spirit to 'normalize relations with our one-time foe.' While abolishing this policy *COULD* indeed do just that, hidden behind that very controversial and well known policy; Another policy, The Cuban Medical Professional Parole Program, was also nixed. That lesser known policy allowed the opportunity for Cuban Medical Professionals to come to the US through other countries to earn residency, citizenship, and jobs. A sneaky move, one disguised as a way to strengthen the relations between The USA 🇺🇸 & Cuba 🇨🇺. Just one of many examples that not everything in the painting is portrayed as it should be or relaid to the public highlighting the big picture as a whole. This is a man who promised us CHANGE, but the majority of these promises of change were broken. Under the Obama Administration more Whistleblowers were jailed under the Espionage Act of 1917, imprisoned, or forced to seek asylum, like Snowden in Russia 🇷🇺 and of course famous Wikileaks founder, Julian Assange, who is literally living in an Ecuadorian 🇪🇨 Embassy in London 🇬🇧. Then today Obama grants clemency to Transgender Whistleblower Chelsea Manning, shortening her 35 year sentence to end 3 decades early in May of this year, 2017. Why, Obama? A PR move to distract from other last minute changes and to surge an approval rating on the way out? Something to think about, especially when he was so adamant about putting those that expose our government's truths, lies, and nasty cover-ups behind bars or strand them in foreign countries that don't exactly provide the same freedoms. Meanwhile last year was the first year that I was forced to pay taxes, and not just because I'm penalized for seeking affordable medical treatment for cash, and not pumping money into the Insurance Industry, the failure of Obamacare. All of this happening, and a rich white New York female actress named Lena Dunham tells the world that she's never had an abortion, but she wishes she had. WHY?! Meryl Streep uses an acceptance speech to rile up SJW's. And to add insult to injury, she says an art form and sport older than her 50x over, MMA and Combat Arts are not really arts. WHY?! God bless some of Meryl Streep's performances, they are truly cinematic gold, but that doesn't automatically make her the High Queen of all Art, deciding what earns that prestigious label and what does not. I try and promise myself that I will not get political in my reviews, but honestly when I write emotional parallels I seem to get the most responses. And because of great television series like 'Quarry' that most definitely gets my stamp for my list of #BestOf2016 TV Series), they inspire me to put my ideas out there, my life stories, my origins, my secrets, my heartaches, my tales of happiness and tragedy... Because of series like 'Quarry' I am more honest with you than I am with anyone else in my life. It's scary to put these very personal, private, and passionate views and experiences out there. Like I said, the one rule I try to set for myself is try to keep politics (or at least pick and choose my crusades and battles) out of it, and to treat those with opposing opinions with respect and class... But here we have a moving, haunting portrait of political injustice, and it's inspiring. It's hard to stay quiet when there is so much injustice surrounding us, so much ignorance. I have literally seen people I love with all my heart throw away meaningful, lifelong friendships over this sham of an election on both sides. I am not a conservative. I am not a liberal. I am a man who is happy with very little... I have a slice of paradise in a city where I am very much the minority. I'm happy living life one day at a time, living a quiet life and practicing different forms of artistic expression, over the years learning that my gift is worth a bit of money, but still getting the hang of making it the center of my universe. I'm no hired hitman, but I've abused this body with serving, bartending, and even go-go dancing... At one point I was literally working day shifts serving tables in Miami, getting off at 4 or 5pm, then driving to Ft Lauderdale, dancing without my clothes at night until the early morning, trying to catch a few low-paying DJ gigs in between. Like Mac, we all have our demons, demons that many of us will never quite shake. We can defeat them, learn to live as harmoniously as possible with them, or let them destroy us slowly. Quarry is a vivid and honest tale of political injustice, racial divides, struggling human beings just trying to survive in a world where the odds are stacked up against them, a tale of broken men and women, the moments that make us feel alive, the moments that haunt us, a tale of a human being struggling with their sexual identity in a brutally violent and unaccepting world, one that is engraved and hardwired into them, broken egos, and a tale of how people can easily be turned into puppets with the almighty dollar and a simple plant growing from God's green earth. I found it very fitting that before the last sequence of scenes Mac goes to cast his presidential vote. Unfortunately it always comes down to the lesser of two evils... Republicans or Democrats, but both are evil and wicked in their own individual ways. To #VoteLibertarian or Green is unheard of (though this idea is changing and becoming more of a reality now, thank god) and for many years I considered the act 'throwing away' my vote, but with the candidates becoming increasingly hard to differentiate the pros and cons... Maybe it's time that everyone starts voting Libertarian, Green, some sort of other growing Independent Party... Or like Mac, just write in the late, great Otis Redding. My Step-Father has taken to the practice, and he's right... If you can't beat em', don't join 'em, vote for somebody else, ANYONE. Ive been told this is a problem in all countries, so on a worldwide scale I'm not sure if even Hillary Clinton vs Donald Trump was even the hardest decision a voter has had to face... We had it easy, The Philippines 🇵🇭 had to settle for Rodrigo Duterte, a MADMAN who encouraged the people of his country to hunt down and murder people suffering from the disease of addiction. Somethings gotta give, the division I see in our world today frightens me, but most of all it saddens me. For now, here in the US, what's done is done. We must allow things to play out as if the world 🌎 was our television series. Stop the division. Stop the hate, on BOTH sides... And let's take things as I have learned to live, one day at a time. Being unified if things go wrong will be a lot better than being a nation torn apart. Maybe the future will surprise you, maybe it won't... Just hold on to your empathy and everything will be alright. It's the only thing we have left. We have to do better.

#Quarry #Cinemax #HBO #Quarry 1x06 #vietnam war #Political injustice #Spotlight Saga #Kevin Cage

[lethe-distillery-blog]

Revelations Part One

I grunted as I pulled my sword from the man's chest cavity. Depravity, it seemed, was not something that was strictly paranormal in nature. Humanity seemed to have its own evils, the blessing was, they simply didn't have the powers available to them to really be a threat. They only were dangerous when they bartered with demons for magiks, when they ran for office, or when they became thralls of some vampire. I fucking hated vampires.

I shuddered at the mere thought of being so devoted to the hope for power that I would essentially sell my soul for it. In exchange, I got strength, speed, bloodlust, and the ability to carry out tasks against my whim should the vampire desire it. And as much as I wanted to kill a vampire, it was dangerous. This was not the simple common logic of cut off the head and the rest dies. Oh no, the gods would have been far too kind if that had been the case when they brought down this calamity. No, kill the vampire and the thralls turned into vampires. They essentially were already, we just called them thralls because in general they were controlled by their masters enough that they weren't allowed to procreate. Thus our distinction between thrall and vampire, though there really wasn't much of a difference. The only real reason the older seemed more powerful was that they were older. I sighed, wiping my blade and watching the thrall crumble away into dust and an errant breeze whisked him away.

"It seems so unusual to me," I spun to face the voice around me, the hairs on the back of my neck rising as I fought to control my breathing, down girl, down." That evil is so deprived that evil strikes down evil." The figure turned to me, eyes glowing a deep mystical gold as though lit from some inner source. I knew what he was simply from the way he talked. Though the golden eyes, red cross at the breast, and the silver one around his throat were plenty enough to mark that I was in some trouble. I didn't bother trying to explain to the Templar that I couldn't control my parentage, didn't bother trying to explain to him that the thrall I had just dispatched had been attacking an orphanage. I didn't bother explaining any of that. He wouldn't listen. They never did.

Good saw evil. It was a tale as old as time, I couldn't help that my father was a demon, didn't know rank, species, hell, I didn't even know his name. Didn't really know my mother either; a lost soul that sought to pay for her addictions with her body. I didn't pity her, she was pitied enough for something that I doubted she would have picked for herself. In the rare times she was in a good mood after getting high came my good memories, going to press my face against the glass to look at toys that I would never be able to own, to play in the park and watch happy families wondering what it would feel like, and sometimes when I was really lucky, we'd go get ice cream from the McDonalds that was about a half mile away. At five, I was taking care of my mother; I knew how to deal with someone going through withdrawals, how to clean her up after a particularly vicious suitor had had his way with her. I had lost my virginity a couple years later, and after that it only took three more to finally have enough and leave. Though it took until I was fourteen to have my powers come in, because you know, puberty, the greatest bitch of all.

I slammed into the Templar, catching him off guard slamming him into the wall and stepping down hard on his instep with my combat boot before jumping back. It was a race; and well I knew it. I took off at a sprint even though I was already winded from my encounter with the thrall. I looked ahead, about fifty feet out of the alley. It wasn't worth the shifting to my, natural, form, and then back again. Though it was quick, and it would give me extra speed, charging out into public view with a tail and horns didn't exactly seem like my idea of fun. Though I had heard that the general population had gotten rid of the torches and pitchforks a couple centuries before I had been born, I really didn't want to test that theory, the internet itself was vicious, didn't want to see how that translated into the real world. I felt the arrow more that I heard it as it whispered by my face, my hair blowing out in the wind of its passing and I cursed. God damn fucking Templars and their god damn ability to summon whatever they god damn fucking needed! Lucky for me, my friend seemed to have a poor shot, small things in life, small things.

I darted out and did a once around before I kept running. At six foot one, I tended to stand out, most women were under five eight. Easier to keep running and hope to get some distance than to blend in the crowd. I caught sight of my hands, the fingernails long and dark and I forced myself to calm down, even as I was running for my life. My powers, thankfully, were emotionally based. Think of it like the Hulk but instead of turning big green and giant, I grew horns, a tail, hooves, and essentially turned into a half demon. Go figure.

I stopped outside a massive brick building, a rectangle really, with molded concrete edgings, the doorways were high and arched with small details that were worn away by time to nothing but ghosts of what was there originally. I only waited to catch my breath and make sure I had lost my pursuer before I entered the sacred building. I did not want to make Otis stressed out over my extracurricular activities. I walked up the steps, slowing my breathing with every step while doing a once over in the massive windows trimmed in wood doors. No horns, no tail, and my walk was good. Excellent. I took a half a heartbeat longer to try and straighten my hair. Damn running for your life, ruined a hairstyle worse than sex. I didn't exactly need either rumor floating around the tiny college. It was a small thing, privately run by Master Otis Eden and his wife, Tigg. none of my three classes ever exceeded over twenty people, I doubted that the building could have fit much more. There were four rooms, and over the course of the day, there were eight courses taught here. It was a quaint little setup, and to get in had taken a lot of hard work on my behalf, especially since I didn't I have the social standings pull that a lot of these other students did. Hell, I shared my Studies of Christian Theory with Daniel Howard, son of one Isaac Howard and if that name doesn't ring a bell in everyone's head they lived under a box. He was the head pastor for the Grace United Megachurch of Texas and likely a multi-billionaire but that led into my issue with the way Christianity was run, the tax exemption, the getting rich off the gullible, the-, enough, down girl.

I knocked on the heavy teak door after wondering a maze of hallways that over the last few months had become to be as familiar as home. That was saying quite a lot really. I cringed as I looked at my watch and waited. "Come in." The tone was as solemn as it ever was, the tone of sacred teachings deep within the depths of him. I entered, I didn't even have to pretend to be meek as I scurried to my chair and sat down. Even little playboy Daniel knew better than to cross Otis Eden, the man ruled with a serene sort of dominance. Don't let the dreamy expression fool you, the man was bright, and he took shit from no one, if you pushed, he would simply kick you out without the ability to come back. Multimillionaire or street girl, it didn't matter. I sat in the overstuffed armchair, listening intently as he continued, not a break to be had aside from my intrusion and I snuck some helpful starter information from the notes of Dorthea Calahea as she kept working. I swear, she copied down every word of the Ancient Practices of the Catholic Church lecture.

I was well aware of the irony of my being here, and thankfully all my classmates were either vanilla humans or other demonspawn, likely here for the same reason I was. A road of self-discovery. It was hard not knowing a parent, and unlike the human world that provided something as simple as getting your DNA tested and then doing a manhunt, though I had heard mixed results of the results of such a discovery. You'd be surprised at how many demonspawn are in the world, actually, you might not be. Demons are held in a bad light, at least in western cultures. I didn't religiously follow any of the groups that others banded together to create, a sort of protection and early watch for those that thought themselves better than us, or sought to use us. I listened to the steady voice, allowing it to work through me and take out the nightmare fuel of this morning, the what if I hadn't made it to where the Thrall was going to be snacking, what if I hadn't outrun the Templar, what if. It all faded as this man spoke in the quiet comfort of a man that truly enjoyed his work.

Class carried on for another fifty minutes, only the occasional cough or Otis taking a sip of water breaking the lecture. I was engrossed by the details. It was fascinating in a sort of horrifying way, the way that the Catholic Church operated. And soon enough, class was done and we were all getting up to go. I hated these moments, Bart and Maria taught in a non-traditional environment. Large couches, overstuffed chairs, pillows, a beautiful expansive fireplace that covered most of one wall, and antiques that would be at home in any muesum decorated each room. Tigg's were often a bit brighter, decorated in shades of blues and the other in an emerald green where her husbands were darker in tone but made up for it in stained glass. it held the old world charm of sitting rooms. Bookshelves covered most available wall space eliminating the need for a central library with the only real indications of the modern century were the several computers that seemed to awkwardly grace an antique dining room table in the far end of each room. Each table was intricately carved wood, nymphs, gods, scenes of mythology carved into the legs and the entire face, though I had only seen one in entirety once, were delicate art, deserving of their own praise that were beautifully inlaid with different wood species, mother of pearl, and semiprecious stones.

"Anastasia," I stopped at the door, turning to where Bart was seated behind the massive desk this room provided, it was a deep cherry, well worn but also beautifully cared for. "May I have a moment?" Well, I knew that I wouldn't be able to get away with it forever.

"Sir, I-." I looked up into a single raised eyebrow over an eye so pale a grey it appeared nearly white with rainbow kaleidoscope from refracting stained glass. I tried again. "I'm sorry Mister Otis, I am trying to get better, I really am. I-."

"Are you going to let me speak?" The question was mild, though he could have reached over and slapped me. I shut up. Twisting my hands together and looking up at him, he was a handsome middle-aged man, his dark hair looking to be greying at the temples, his features neatly covered by a trimmed beard. His lips were plump and full, his knuckles knobby from arthritis coming in, but still, he looked content, a man that knew his place in the universe, I wish he would share how he had figured it out with me. He shook his head, eye smiling in a way that lips cannot, wry amusement shining at me. "I was your age, once upon an eon or two ago." I flushed, though I was unsure why, out of everyone in the world, he always made me feel like a small child, not a woman in her mid-twenties. "I too struggled with mornings, even now, I don't like to wake up before ten, Tigg always starts the day." He pulled out a file and opened it to show my reports, grades, assignments. As I said, he was old school. "I can see you're doing well in your classes despite your tardiness, Maria has no complaints with you in Ancient Civilizations and you aren't late any more than the average in our class later." He closed the file. "But that's not what I wanted to talk about, I just enjoyed making you twitch."

Bastard. I really could have said it out loud, my body response practically yelled it at him and the way that he looked at me I knew he had heard it plenty loud and clear. "So," I ventured, still hesitant but slightly braver now, "why did you ask for a moment of my time." I watched where he was staring out the window to the side, watching a raven hop foot to foot with the sort of eager dance of one anticipating a meal. Must be roadkill and he was waiting for traffic to slow in order to fetch it. I knew that he had heard me, but the man was very often lost in his head. Tigg had complained about it more than once on the days it was really bad in class. I couldn't imagine trying to live with that, though he was kind and brilliant, I would probably throttle him over that flaw.

"Ah, yes." he turned back to me, and I felt that same annoying feeling of being a small girl before him, as though he knew everything, and I was just in the process of learning. "I heard from a little bird that you had someone looking for you. I sent him on his way, I wasn't sure if you knew him so I figured that you may want to warning. Tall, handsome," he looked down at his note and squinting at it. I always wondered how hard it would be to live with one eye, though he seemed to handle it well enough. "Golden eyes." Mr Eden looked up at me, eyes searching mine curiously.

My blood chilled at the thought, there was no way the Templar had seen me come in, I had searched thoroughly, I had made sure I wasn't followed. No, it had to be just a lucky guess. I forced myself to stay relaxed, to breathe evenly, though my hands were tightened around the arms of the chair so much that my knuckles started to ache. I smiled, politely. "No, sir, can't say I know him at all."

[melonoverlord]

Turt’s ask meme for Gail the good good child

1. What would be their favorite Disney (or other animated) movie?

If anyone asked her, she’d say she didn’t like Disney movies because they were for kids or they weren’t cool, but she secretly loves the Aristocats. One of her favorite characters anywhere has always been Marie the kitty. 

2. What do they usually like for breakfast?

Egg and chorizo burrito. Bailey and her both eat a little too much spicy food but when you live in Texas, what can you do?

3. What sort of cuddler are they?

Gail usually doesn’t like to be touched unless she knows the person very well. Once she gets to the Library and reconciles with her brother or gets close with any of the Scholars, she’ll just swing her legs over her friends and just chill there or rest her head on their lap. She doesn’t like to cuddle in the traditional sense of being hugged, but she’ll be happy just flopping on you and asserting her dominance.

4. How do they say “I love you”?

It’s usually preceded by an insult like “Damn you’re super stupid, but I love you”, but she more shows it by entertaining you and sitting down and talking about feelings. Both and Bailey are big believers in sharing feelings, just Gail is a little bit more forward about it. She is honest though in that if she says she loves you, she means it.

5. What kind of shoes do they wear?

Black combat boots or gray converse.

6. What is their favorite accessory?

A black and pearl choker that Bailey’s ex-boyfriend and her current “guardian” Leo gave her.

7. Are they more inclined towards fashion or comfort?

Definitely fashion. For a fourteen year old girl, she makes very good fashion choices that make conservative adults very scared. She’s a fashion punk and she’s coming for your pearls.

8. What makes them laugh?

Bailey or Leo doing anything stupid, anything John Mulaney, eventually the catfights between Ashi and Philly, and of course Ezra being a total dweeb lord. She and Sarita are going to become best friends.

9. Do they have a favorite flower?

Begonias. Not only do they sound funny, they’re beautiful and ombre.

10. Would they be the one to propose to their significant other?

Totally. She is tired of being alone and just wants someone to hold. Plus opening that ring box is a power move and has big dick energy like her.

11. What bad habits do they have?

Being way to blunt about her feelings, shutting people out who’ve hurt her but haven’t meant to, getting into arguments for the fun of it, holding a grudge like no other.

12. What are their biggest insecurities?

Honestly, Gail is one of the few kids with stellar self esteem. The only insecurity she has is if Bailey will want to see her after all these years.

13. How do they wear their hair?

Short, half shaved and natural. Sometimes she’ll straighten it for the aesthetic, but a girl has got to slay with natural hair.

14. Are they an impulse shopper? If so, what would they buy?

Oh definitely. She will go to target with just 20 bucks and come out with 100 dollars worth of stuff, usually clothes, makeup, and movies. She is a huge movie buff and watches odd sci-fi and horror with Leo all the time.

15. When do they usually sleep?

She usually tries to go to bed at around 10:30pm just so she has time to bounce around dreams. Time moves a lot faster in dreams so she has to act fast.

16.What makes them worry?

Not being able to find Bailey, not liking what she’ll find when she finds him, leaving Leo behind to face another one of his closest friends leaving, the American prison system, taxes.

17. Do they have any creative outlets?

She’s been doing digital art since she was around ten, and she’s helped Leo with some of his album covers, so when she comes to the Library, she’ll be totally down to do some covers for Ashi when she makes music. Plus she’ll do digital art of all her friends.

18. How do they comfort an upset loved one?

Usually trying to talk to them about their feelings, and putting a hand on their shoulder while she makes them iced tea. She’s not necessarily the greatest as comfort since she’s usually been on the receiving end, but she’s learned a lot from both Bailey and Leo and she’d do an alright job.

19. What are they like when they’re sick?

No one is ever sure when Gail is sick because she always acts normal. You can only tell she’s sick if you come close to her and see that her body temperature is radiating heat and she is looking through you. Otherwise, she’s great at keeping her cool.

20. Do they say what they’re thinking, or keep their thoughts to themselves?

Gail is one of the only kids at the Library who doesn’t hide their feelings behind a twenty foot wall. She will 100% let you know what she thinks about you whether it’s that you’re the most annoying person she’s ever met or that she’s afraid that she won’t like what she’ll find when she reunites with Bailey.

21. What is the best gift they’ve ever received?

The last gift she got from Bailey when she was nine was a stuffed pig that she still carries around with her (though heavily hidden in a backpack). His name is Sir Oinks of the North Sea.

22. Are they good at keeping track of time?

If she’s waiting for something, yes. But in the sense of generally knowing what time it is, she can be gone for a week and think it’s only been a day.

23. What is their favorite ice cream flavor?

Chocolate chip cookie dough. She’s that asshole who takes all the cookie dough from the container and just leaves it as “chocolate chip ice cream”

24. What would they order from a fast food/take-out place?

Kung Pao chicken, Broccoli beef, spicy pork, so many dumplings, and about eight fortune cookies just for her.

25. What is their favorite pizza topping(s)?

Meat Lovers with jalapenos. Sausage, chorizo, pepperoni, ham, chicken, and really anything meaty that would most likely cause heartburn.

26. What is their favorite type of cookie?

Simple chocolate chip.

27. Do they paint their nails?

The only acceptable color is black, but sometimes she’ll paint her nails blue when she misses her brother, or white.

28. What is their favorite board game?

Guess Who. Since getting telepathy, she’s learned how to cheat by reading minds, but she loves asking questions based on vibe rather than looks (ie: “Do they look like a Republican?”, “Would they go down on Kathy Bates?”)

29. Are they more of a pants or skirts kind of person?

Its a toss up. 50% of the time she wears ripped jeans or cutoffs, and then the other 50%, she’s in punk skirts and leggings.

30. Do they dream often? What about?

She’s recently been able to telepathically link herself to people in her dreams, so usually she uses her dreams as a way to talk to Bailey and try to find out where he is. She hasn’t gotten very far, but when talking to Bailey doesn’t work, she’ll just jump around in people’s heads and try to see what’s up with them. It’s a fun exercise and she hasn’t been caught.... yet.

31. Do they have any phobias?

Ants, bears, and vomit.

32. If they were a pokemon, which would they be?

Mew, small and suspiciously cute, but is very powerful and could fuck up your day if you try to cross it.

33. How well do they handle sea travel? Air travel?

She doesn’t mind either. She gets a little queasy on airplanes, but she handles it a lot better than her brother. She doesn’t get as claustrophobic.

34. Which Disney character are they most like?

Moana. Spiritual, on the hunt for a dude that definitely fucked up, bless by the hair gods, and isn’t afraid to hit someone with something big and flat.

35. What sort of parent would they be?

I don’t think Gail would ever become a mom, but become the cool aunt to Bailey’s kids that bring them gifts from all over the world and remind them how big of a dipshit their father is. Bailey is equal parts grateful that Gail wants to be a part of his and his kids’ lives, and equal parts insulted that Gail has this many stories about him being stupid.

#liminoidal #Abigail LeClair #my characters #Library of Alexandria campaign

[indiependentpanda-blog]

My dropping out of high school

I dropped out of high school. What did you do with your life? When I dropped out of high school it was in February of 2015, my senior year. Yes, it was a stupid choice, especially because it was my last and I fucking regret it (but more on that later). For the few months that I was supposed to be in school (the rest of that February-May) I just bummed around the house. Doing nothing all day, except for the occasional cleaning and yeah it was fucking awesome. I had a sense of freedom, no responsibilities, and no connection to the social world beyond my laptop of course. When did you regret it? When I decided to drop out I dropped a majority of my friends as well and it wasn’t like we were lifetime friends, I had only transferred to the school the year before so it wasn’t so much of a let down and the friends I had at my last school I had already dropped and went through the process of mourning the few that I actually did admire. The only friend I kept was the only one I stood in a friendship with the longest, like ever only now its beginning to fade too. For the time that I was out of school I spent some days with this friend and at first I thought it was awesome seeing her out of class and all but I began to miss the small talks we’d have here in there in the halls and complaining about the assignments our teachers would give us and blah, blah, blah. It had gone to the point that the only thing we had in common was a show that kept us together (Supernatural) and even that couldn’t hold onto us long enough. We still talk here and there and I admit a lot of it was my lack of effort and my work schedule, but still, it’s really sad to think about and I know I could pick up the phone shoot her a text even give her a call? But a lot has changed in the 2 years we’ve managed to keep this up and the conversations are quick and short lived. I wonder, what would have happened if I had stayed in school? Would we have gotten that apartment we always wanted? I know she could financially keep her end of the bargain, but I wouldn’t have been able to and I could never go through with it and put her in a situation like that and leave us with a shit ton of debt and stress. I think the friendship we had over the 2 year span of it was the best and I’m glad I didn’t take the offer on the apartment because our friendship would most likely have ended much sooner. How did you manage to take care of yourself? As for no responsibilities, a time came when I had to take care of myself hygienically and financially. I was running out the basics; shampoo, condish, that very special hair oil that my hair really loves, makeup, and all that jazz. With that, I had no phone, my mom had cut me off (she could only provide so much) and we had no internet and I was tired of going to the library and having the librarians wonder when my sibs and I would finally leave. So, early May of 2015, I went job searching and let me tell you, it was HARD. When one goes job searching the first thing they do is look for their dream job or something closely related and with benefits. I applied to Hot Topic, Sephora, Forever 21, Rue 21, you name it…, and got shut down or never received a call, most likely because I lacked experience… references… and a diploma. For that month I was so stressed out to the point of pulling my hair out, crying out of frustration, and not eating. My mom, dad, cousins, aunts, uncles referred me to many places and I applied and got turned down. I had problems with depression throughout my life, but this was one of the worst times. I was so strung out that as I kept applying to places I sort of half assed it and pulled myself through application after application just blindly, emotionless, and refusing to give myself hope. There were times where I wouldn’t even bother answering the phone not caring whether it was from family or an actual employer. I’d just lie in bed and watch the phone ring sometimes, automatically assuming the outcome. I didn’t want to hear another rejection. I was so over it and cursed myself as to how stupid I was to give up on school when I was so close when things like this wouldn’t be so much of a problem. Yes, I know some people don’t get employed straight away after they finish school, but it opens doors for you! In my case, I completely shut and locked many of those. It was in June when I had finally got my big break and it was a damn lucky one. My cousin a high school sophomore had gotten a job at this one company that needed tons of people. I applied many times hoping they’d call or something and a week I would apply again. Finally after a few weeks I had gotten an email of a sort of open house at the company office. The day of, I got really scared and I was almost not going to show up, but I thought what would my grandpa say, what would he say to me now? (He had passed and was always telling me what I should do in situations like this, school…, life in general) I mustered up all the strength I had and took his spirit with me for luck and I was very blessed that day to get the job. I now have 1 ½ at this job and I sincerely love it. It wasn’t what I had in mind, but I can say it’s better than anything I could have imagined. I’m surrounded by so many hard working people, I’m blessed to say I have many friends who care about me and to be able to see and experience the things I do at work. I thank my grandpa and God for all the strength and blessings they gave me that day. Still, I cannot ever shake that experience away. The pain and suffering that I put myself through, in the long run, leaving school wasn’t worth it. How does not graduating affect your everyday life? It is now January 19, 2017; work is really slow during the winter and for some months in the spring. At this time of year, having another job would be helpful, but again I run into the same problems. No one calls. Now I have to rely on my income taxes for the next few months. That’s just one of the things that having no diploma has affected. When you work, go out, or do anything associated with socializing you meet many people who are goal oriented, on a path to a greater future, and generally in a better place… even though sometimes they run into mishaps, in the long run what they are working towards will generate a better living for them in some way or another. This is the kind of struggling I want. I know, sounds weird. I want to be a person who complains about essays and homework. I want to talk about how mean or nice my professor is, how much money my books are, and whatnot. I miss school! I want to go to go to college. I want to relate to my work colleagues, my friends, my family. I want to progress. I want to open a shop, start a business, or be a teacher. Anything beyond where I now sit. I want to open doors again and move my life towards something greater. I always wanted to go to Toronto but never have the money to do it. I want to get another job, while keeping the same one if I can. I want to be more than financially stable and I don’t mean a billionaire. I want my own apartment (still living with my parents by the way!). I just want to grow up the way I should have. It was a long and hard road that I decided to take and not even half has been mentioned here. The way I think of it now that I look back at it is why the hell did I do this to myself? These days, I have to really budget myself. I pay my bills and if you want to have a good credit standing you’ll keep these bills up even if you have to forge over food, entertainment, & luxury items (the oil that my hair fucking loves). There’s a lot leaving school affects and it’s not even the leaving school part that does it. It’s that you can’t progress from there. You’re stuck and only you can decide when you want to be unstuck. Why did you decide to leave school in the first place? As mentioned, before leaving my second high school, I attended another. At this other one, I made really stupid choices. I was a freshman hopped up on the idea of being super cool and having lots of friends. I was easily manipulated and I would even convince myself to do things. I was a scene kid (emo-punk rocker type with teased colored hair and raccoon makeup, still miss this style) it was a super popular thing then. I smoke, drank, went to parties, dated bad guys, pierced my own body once. It was stupid. Being this way, and I’m not saying that the makeup or hair or style in general brought upon this “attitude” like some ignorant people might think, but the drinking and smoking depressed a lot, mostly because I would remember things about my childhood that normally I wouldn’t have remembered and when this would happen id get really bad anxiety and… its kind of hard to explain but it was like having to be at a certain point in time again and it brought up a lot of emotions in me. I recalled abuse, neglect, among other things that I don’t like to remember or even talk about and this fucked me up so bad because things like this were also being brought into my house and it did not only affect me anymore but my sisters too?! I took on this bravado for them and fought for them so they wouldn’t go through what I had gone through. It was the kind of company my parents and aunts and uncles (and even family!) that brought these kind of issues. When my sisters told me what my uncle and all these other people were trying to do to them or already did to them. It was more than I could handle. I never thought through all the fighting and all the protecting that this would happen to them. I felt like I had failed them. When my parents found out they dismissed it, telling me that our uncle and their friends would never do that, that they’ve known them for years and they called my sisters delusional much like my case. I couldn’t deal with this. I confronted these people violently feeling anger towards myself for letting it happen, to my parents, to these filthy assholes that call themselves men. I also felt pain recalling a similar time, being a failure to my sisters, and imagining how scared they must have been to have this happen to them. It’s so heartbreaking to think about. Anyway, my mom checked me and one of my sisters into the hospital calling us out of control, spoiled, and crazy. I spent a few months of my sophomore year like this. It helped a lot being confined in there though. The first month I thought about my sisters. I was scared for them but they came to visit me as often as they could and let me know how things were going and all that. Long story short, we learned a lot about ourselves and I have learned to control my drinking and smoking. I now drink only during occasion and that a few time a year and I haven’t smoked for a year. So it’s better than those years back. After all this went down I had transferred schools. I had problems with my mental state so yeah I was a weird one at the new school, but I was slowly making progress. Everything was going really good until I lost my grandpa around Christmas time and my birthday December 2013. My mental state plummeted. I lost someone who had kept me going. My attendance and health were getting worse throughout 2014. My grades managed to float decently somehow. Losing my grandpa definitely hurt, but it was mid senior year that was tough. College applications were stressful. I got accepted into 3 of 4 of the schools I applied to. All of them out of state. I really needed to get out of the environment my mom and her boyfriend put me and my sibs through (and don’t say I’m being ungrateful because you don’t know the half of it and I’m not even going to go in depth because what they put me and my sibs and they’re newborn baby boys through was a ton of shit) I needed to get away and work on myself and come back to my siblings successful and able to get them out of that hell hole. When the time came to choose my school my mom didn’t give me a choice I couldn’t go anywhere. She made that clear with her threats and bullshit. I couldn’t just leave my siblings with them. So that made me severely depressed that I could help if I was gone and came back but leaving them would mean neglecting them so I made the choice to stay and take care of them. My leaving and coming back would have been a much better decision for all of us. I regret it now. At the time I never had a job. I hoped she would help me pay for school even local, while I myself looked for a job, but she also made that clear that she wouldn’t. So frustrated and tired of everything I just decided to quit on my life and my future and everything along with it. I quit school, stopped eating, I just lied in bed everyday and watched my life slowly turn into more shit. I regret choosing the difficult journey but what is there to do now about that? I have to move on and make things better for myself and for my siblings. What are you going to do now? Now? I am ready to be unstuck. I have yet to earned my diploma or equivalent, but have now scheduled testing dates for the two weeks in February coming up. I want to make this year worthwhile. I want to go to school, gain more work experience, gain more financial stability, and work towards my goals. I want to make my dream trip to Toronto a reality. I want to be there financially for my siblings and for myself. I want that apartment. I want a car. I want to be successful. I want a future for myself, my future partner, and my future kids. I want to feel alive again. I will take all my strength and blessings and put my all into these testing dates and into every day I have to make myself better. I am 21 years old and hope to see this when I’m 30 and have already achieved so much. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Please, if you are thinking of dropping out. Please don’t. Things are changing and if you don’t do this you’ll fall behind. Don’t let yourself be left behind. You’ll thank yourself for getting through that milestone and nothing will take that moment away from you. You will feel proud, empowered, and will have made an achievement.