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renjunphile · 1 year

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if my wishes came true, it would have been you | mark lee

PAIRING ✧ nct's mark lee x female reader WORD COUNT ✧ 12.0k TAGS ✧ idol!mark x idol!reader, exes!au, exes to lovers!au, really quite angsty, happy ending, fluff, non-linear narrative

PLAYLIST aka SONGS BY YN ✧ the 1 by taylor swift ; 21 by gracie abrams ; i miss you, i'm sorry by gracie abrams ; champagne problems by taylor swift ; in between by gracie ambrams ; somebody by hwasa and loco ; i know it won't work by gracie abrams, dancing with our hands tied (acoustic) by taylor swift

SUMMARY ✧ persist and resist the temptation to ask if one thing had been different, would everything be different today? (alternatively, every single time you and mark get a chance to talk about your breakup, it never goes as planned)

MAY 2021

"NCT are here."

You hum along to the track blasting in your left ear through the singular airpod. It's the first day of your comeback promotions, and while you should feel confident from the many months you'd practiced the song every single day for multiple hours, no amount of time could ever erase the nerves you feel each comeback day.

You're already finished with your hair and makeup, being the first to sit in the chair to give your members some time to wake up from their naps in the van. Though you should all be bright, awake, and preppy for your comeback stage, the reality was that all of you were obliteratingly tired from the near all-nighter in the practice room. Your makeup artists are true magicians for the way they cover up all signs of tiredness even under all those harsh, bright stage lights.

"Unnie, did you hear me?" your youngest member Kali poked your arm incessantly.

"Kali, stop," you whine, pushing her finger away, "I heard you."

"So why didn't you react?"

"Why should I?" you sigh, pausing the track on your phone.

She pauses for a while, choosing to craft her words before replying too hastily, "We should still go and say hi. Haechan is asking if we wanna film a TikTok with them."

"You know they only post with SM idols," you remind her.

"You were in SM too. It's just for fun," she mumbles, "You know how many idols feature on Haechan's private account. Please come."

"You're up to no good, Kali," you squint at her suspiciously, watching the room carefully to see if anyone had overheard. It wasn't really a big deal; all your managers were well-informed, just like your members, and your stylists were basically your friends.

"I already talked to our manager and Haechan talked to their manager," Kali wrapped her fingers around your wrist delicately, but pulling to encourage you to stand up, "Let's go."

The walk to the hallway where the NCT members agreed to meet the two of you wasn't exactly a long one, but the rumblings of nerves bubbling in your stomach made it feel like a million years. You weren't stupid; you knew exactly what to expect and you wouldn't put it past your maknae to meddle in a time like this.

"Oh look, they're here already," Kali was biting a grin behind her words as 3 figures came into view. Haechan gives you a warm smile and a famous bear hug before he was shoved away.

"Noona," you resist a pout as one of the boys you had been taking care of since you were younger wrapped you up in a big hug, "Haven't seen you in so long. Missed you."

"Missed you too Ji. You grow an inch every time I see you," you also resist the urge to ruffle up his perfectly styled purple hair out of fear of getting hunted by his hair stylist, "I like this purple on you."

He gives you an appreciative grin and somehow you still see him as the tiny, shy boy running energetically around the halls of the company building after being chased by his fellow trainees. Jisung moves on to greet your member, who was still in conversation with Haechan.

It's definitely not that you dread having to face Mark Lee. It's totally not the fact that he's your ex-boyfriend. Or the fact that you're still in love with him. Or the fact that he's still in love with you. No, none of that.

Totally.

"You look really pretty, Y/N," he begins slowly, taking in your appearance in front of him, having not seen each other for a few months.

Mark Lee stands in front of you stoic, hands by his side and feet together. It's almost like he's fighting his instinct to wrap you up in his arms like he's done most of his life because you sure know you're having to fight that instinct too.

"Thanks, Mark. I like your blue hair," you smile softly, "How are you?"

"I'm good. Amazing, even. I guess," he's mumbling, running his hands through said hair you just complimented and you can tell he's nervous, "I love the song. And the whole album. I can tell which songs you wrote. You always make me so proud."

Ouch. It stings your heart whenever he says things like that. How could you have let go of someone so sweet?

"Thanks. Congratulations on your first album and coming back with Dream."

"Ah, thanks. I fought so hard to come back to the group and I'm really happy they finally listened to me," he began, "You know how much I love them."

"Yeah, I know."

You're barely meeting his eyes, but when you do, it feels like he's hesitating in his words.

"Mark-"

"Happy birthday by the way," he rushes out, "For yesterday. I'm sorry that I didn't text. Or call."

"It's okay," you reassure him, knowing that that was probably easier for you both that he didn't.

"How did you spend your birthday?"

"The members got me cake. Coffee, my favourite," you recount, "I did a live for a bit, but other than that we were practicing all day for today."

"Oh, I'm sorry. That really sucks," he frowns.

"You know how it goes. I'll have more birthdays to celebrate anyway-"

"But you didn't celebrate last year either!" he protests.

"Maybe next year, then," you pull your lips into a tight smile, "It's okay Mark. Don't worry about it. I'm not really fond of my birthdays anymore and 22's not a big deal."

He sighs while looking at you, "You deserve to celebrate your birthday no matter what. I hope you can find some time to do something for yourself."

You chuckle lightly, "That'll be hard to come by. I don't know how you've done it with multiple groups all these years, Mark. I've only been debuted for three years and it's never got any easier. You were really stretching yourself thin, huh?"

"I guess," he's playing with his fingers, so you know he has something to say.

"Just say it, Mark. Whatever you want to say."

You can read him like a book and you've always been able to. It's not your fault that the book is wide open, as compared to the way you've always been- shut, bound, and locked.

"I just wanted to say I miss you. That's all. I just wanted to see how you were doing."

Thanks to the secluded hallway that Haechan had found and led you to, the coast was clear enough for you to close the distance between you and Mark even just by a bit more. His breath hitches as you place a hand on his arm.

"Thanks for caring, Mark. I miss you too."

He smiles at you softly and the two of you are so engrossed in each other to notice that Kali, Haechan and Jisung had disappeared a while ago. You know it's time for you to go back though.

The worst part of the whole situation wasn't the breakup itself. Of course, the breakup hurt both of you for a long time and you don't even think you're recovered. It did happen over a year ago, but that wasn't the worst part.

The worst part is knowing that every time you meet again, walking away hurts more each time. It's the fact that there's nothing you can do but listen to your heart break with each step you take away from each other. It's the fact that there's nothing you can do about the fact that you still love each other more than anything else in this world.

2014

Mark Lee was known to be SM's golden child. In the future, he'd be known as the most over-worked in the company, due to his talents and resilience, but now, he's just Mark Lee, second to you.

You'd done everything before Mark. You were born first. You moved to Korea first. You beat him joining the company by 6 months and you beat him getting announced as part of SM Rookies just by 7 days.

None of that mattered because it was always just you and him together, wherever. Sure, you trained and practiced separately, but lunchtimes, downtimes, company gatherings- it was always the two of you attached to the hip. There was really nothing the company could say- the two of you were barely 15 so what was the worst you could do?

"How long do you think it'll be before your debut?" the two of you are lying down on the grass in a park a few minutes away from the building. His hands are rifling through the blades, yanking them up every so often, while you made daisy chains quietly.

He hums in response, "I don't know. Soon I hope, but I've only been here for like just over a year. Realistically, I'd say like 2 years. Don't tell anyone I told you, but I heard Johnny hyung talking to the manager about some kind of project that the company has been thinking of for a while. Something about having a group with infinite members!"

Your eyes widened at the thought, "Wow, really? EXO debuted with 12 and I thought that was a lot!"

"Yeah, right? But there are only like 9 of us in SM Rookies right now. How many do you think they'll start with and how am I going to get lines in a song if there's so many of us?"

You nudge him, "Well, with your awesome talent and writing skills of course. I can't wait to see what ends up happening to you guys- oh yeah, by the way, how's that new trainee you guys are training with? Donghyuck, right?"

"New?" he sat up with wide eyes, twisting his body to look at you, "He's been here for like 5 months and it's been the worst 5 months of my life! He's just so infuriating. His voice is amazing, sure, but he never listens and is always talking and hanging off me! I told him that he makes me want to leave the company."

You laugh at his frustrated expression, "Ha, you'd never leave the company. You'd never leave me behind. Plus, I bet you'll be best friends in a few years. Opposites attract and all that."

"Hm, but you and I are quite similar. Don't you think?"

There were definitely some traits that you shared to both be enduring the same path. Resilient, hard-working, brave, and enduring were all ones. After all, it's a big leap of faith to train to have the chance to be an idol just at 12 or 13 with no guaranteed future.

When it came down to it though, you'd like to think that there were also traits you each had that weren't always necessarily opposites all the time, but traits that complemented each other.

Mark liked to talk; you liked to listen. Mark was optimistic and would always be the one to cheer you up on your particularly moody days. You were Mark's calm through it all. Mark loved to rap; you found your passion in singing. Mark liked carrots and would take them off your plate in the cafeteria and swap them with his peas. Mark's hands were calloused from his guitar-playing, while yours were smooth and soft when he held them.

"No, I think we're the perfect example of opposites attract."

"Well then that's why you're my best friend," he grinned over at you while you slid a daisy chain bracelet onto his wrists, "Forever and whenever."

"Always," you grinned.

AUGUST 2021

"What are you doing here?"

"No happy birthday Mark?" he teases, holding a bouquet of flowers and a grocery store plastic bag in his hands on your doorstep.

"Come in before anyone sees you," you pull him inside your dorm, sticking your head out the hallway to see if it was empty, "How did you get here?"

"Relax, Y/N. My manager drove me and I was in all this," he pulls out a mask and a beanie from his pocket to show you.

"Oh, good. Happy birthday, I guess, but what are you doing here?" you question him again, looking at the contents in his grasp.

"Well, it all started when Hyuck said that we were throwing a birthday party for me. Then Jisung invited Kali and obviously, you too. And your members, of course. Then you said you couldn't come because you're busy," his eyes dart to the episode of Modern Family on your TV and the blanket lazily thrown on the couch, combined with your pajamas, "So I didn't want to come to the party anymore."

"But all my members are at your dorm," you frown, "There's still a party?"

"Yeah, I guess. Gives Jisung an opportunity to spend more time with his crush, which I'm sure Kali appreciates."

"So they're hosting your birthday party," you hum, "Without you? And you came here to what? Check that I'm busy?"

"I know you're not busy. Erin told me so, which I suspected anyway. I know it's kind of rude for me to come to force you to spend time with me when you didn't even want to come to my birthday party in the first place, but I thought I would try." he shrugs, "Is that okay?"

Mark is adorned in a white T-shirt and grey joggers. He's clearly not dressed for a party and your member clearly told him that you're staying inside and moping to your comfort show while you try to avoid your ex-boyfriend on his birthday. Plan failed, you guess.

Here's the thing: you've always been the worst at saying no to Mark. The one time you did, the world crashed around you. You would've thought it would have got easier to say no to him after already experiencing the worst-case scenario, but looking into his slightly pleading chocolate eyes shows you otherwise.

"Of course, Mark. You're the birthday boy," you finally say after a period of silence where Mark felt like his heart was thumping out of his chest.

"There's no one else I'd rather spend my birthday with," he hums lightly, even though his words are loaded, "Here, a big bouquet for missing last year too."

The tradition started on his 15th birthday in 2014. Even though it was his birthday, he had got you a bouquet of flowers to thank you for being his best friend of one year and making him feel all the more comfortable in his first year in Korea. You were his dance partner, his classmate, his fellow English speaker, and his best friend. He got you flowers again the next year, then the year after, and again and again for being his partner through everything.

The last birthday you shared with Mark before the two of you broke up was his 20th birthday in 2019 and he had prepared his own bouquet that year, choosing all your favourite flowers and colours and wrapping it all up himself. Mark was selfless like that- thinking of other people even on his birthday.

"It's beautiful," you examine the flowers- pink and red camellias and carnations, white primroses, pink peonies, red roses and baby's breaths. Taking that flower language course with Mark back when you were both 17 comes as a regret now, with the messages he's sending you through the bouquet. You hope it's just a coincidence.

"Anyway, I brought us- or I made my manager buy us- some Oreo ice cream, peanut butter chocolate, some ramen, and chicken and mushroom pastries," he grins as he pulls each one out of the bag, "And I brought cake, obviously."

You hold yourself back from saying what you would say every time he presented your favourite pastry from your childhood home to you- 'you know the way to my heart'.

"I haven't had one in so long," you gasp, taking it from him and preparing your plate already, "Thanks Mark. Why are you so considerate on your own birthday?"

"I like to celebrate the people I love on my birthday too. I wouldn't be me without them," he plops himself on the bar stool at your breakfast bar while you sigh hopelessly. He'll never leave your heart alone, "I wanted to soften the blow too."

You turn to him slowly, "Soften the blow?"

He sees the panic in your eyes and lets out that melodious laugh you've always loved, "Oh, nothing like that. Nothing to tell you. I just wanted to bribe you to talk to me on my birthday. I thought after over a year you might be ready to talk?"

"About what?"

"Us."

You thank the manufacturers of the heavenly pastry slice that only takes 90 seconds in the microwave. You set the plate down in front of Mark and take the seat next to him.

"What did you want to talk about?"

"Are you still my best friend?"

"Mark, come on," you began warily, knowing the difficult conversation you were about to have.

He meets your eyes and you feel the pain reflected in them, "When we decided to give our relationship a try when we were 16, we pinky swore that no matter what happens, we'll always be best friends. Always. Right?"

You find the power to break his gaze and stare down to your hands on your lap, "We did."

"So, why can't we go back to being friends? I know, I know when you broke up with me, you said that you don't think we could stay friends. I understood, of course, and I wanted to give you some space. Well, at least initially, but it's been over a year now and I really miss us. Your friendship meant everything to me even if I can't have you as my girlfriend." his tone is heartbreaking in the way that it's vulnerable and pleading.

"I told you when we broke up that breaking up was the hardest choice I'd ever have to make. It blew the choice to leave SM out of the water. I didn't want to break up, but it felt like I had no choice," you explained slowly, "When we first started dating, I knew I already loved you, but growing up together and debuting and going through everything I went through really taught me what real love in real life looked like and I could never have predicted at 16 how I felt for you at 20. Mark, you're everything to me, I hope you know. I said I didn't want to be friends when we broke up because how could I have lived with myself seeing you and talking to you still knowing I had you in the way that I did and knowing I loved you that intensely but not being able to show it anymore? How could I live with myself still having you around knowing I let go of the greatest thing that's ever happened to me?"

Mark Lee was brave at 16 when he kissed you for the first time and asked you to be his girlfriend against all the bans and rules. Mark Lee was brave at 18 watching you walk away from everything you both knew at SM Entertainment and for not running after you to stop you because you both knew it was for the best. Mark Lee was brave at 20 hearing you sob through the phone while you were halfway around the world because you just couldn't do this anymore. Mark Lee is brave at 22, taking your warm hands in his, and Mark Lee is brave when he lifts your chin up to meet his gaze and asks you this:

"Why can't we just get back together? This year apart is hurting us more than it's benefitting us."

People say that the eyes are the windows to the soul- that the eyes say everything someone can't say. Your eyes are filled with tears, yes, but also love and fear and all the emotions in between.

The problem was that your brain always rules your life, keeping your heart's true desires always suppressed deep within.

"Mark," you trail, before he cuts you off.

"I don't see the problem, Y/N. Both our companies knew we were dating and you're not a rookie in the industry anymore. I mean, we dated through your whole rookie era! I acknowledge everything you said and felt when we broke up and I wanted to give you time to work through those emotions, but I'm asking if anything has changed. Has it?"

"I've never stopped loving you, but I'm still scared Mark. I'm even more scared now as your career grows," you say quietly, "I don't want to hurt you. If anything gets out, it won't just hurt you or me, because I could take it if it only hurt me, but it's our members, Mark. You know how fans feel about idols who date and it's never ever as simple as 'if they're a true fan they'll be happy for me'. That's not how the industry works."

He squeezes your hands, "Then we'll get better at sneaking around! You know the boys love you so much and they know how much our relationship meant to me and they'd never ever get in the way of that. Or we can just text and call and I don't even have to see you in person when it's risky. I just want the chance to tell you that I still love you every single day as I promised."

There it is again, the sound of your heart breaking at the most loving boy on the planet.

"Will you let me think about it? At least about being your best friend still? I'm sorry that I can't give you an answer right now on your birthday," you murmur. The confessions from Mark came as no surprise, but he never fails to leave you speechless with no clear thoughts in your brain and your heart always full.

"I'm just asking for a chance. Just for anything you can give me," he smiles finally, "How about we eat all this and continue your Modern Family? It's still my favourite show, so I couldn't dream of a better way to spend my birthday."

"I'd like that."

2015

"I'm debuting," Mark barges into the near-empty practice room, huffing and panting like he just ran a marathon, "Y/N, oh my God!"

You're sat cross-legged on the floor with your phone propped up in front of you. Your eyebrows are stitched together tightly, indicating that you were probably either criticising yourself on a recording or trying to learn a choreography. The moment you realise that it's Mark, your whole body unclenches and you relax as you pause the video. You don't comprehend the weight of his words until he says them again.

"Y/N, Y/N, I'm going to debut!" he's practically screaming in joy as he belly slides towards you and crashes into you, wrapping his arms around you.

"Oh my God, Mark! Really? Tell me everything right now!" you squeeze him back, pride bursting in your chest.

When you both joined SM, you came with the obvious dream of being an idol entertainer. Sure, the company can make all these empty promises to you at the start, but with the way the industry works, nothing is really ever truly for certain. For you, the company had not given you any time scale or idea of what direction they wanted you to go in. You weren't even really that hopeful, considering the company just debuted Red Velvet one year ago, but you were still enduring.

However, it was almost time to debut a new boy group since it had been 3 years and counting since EXO broke into the scene. You were always certain that Mark was always a part of that plan.

"So, do you remember last year when I told you about the infinite boy group idea? It was true! The company gathered all the male trainees and showed them their idea- it's called NCT and it's so cool, trust me! So it's like they're going to debut groups within NCT like different members in each group!"

"Mark, that sounds amazing. Which group are you going to be in?"

"Uh, they said all of them?" Mark frowns in confusion, "Like the first is going to be this unit where members can switch out anytime and it only has a comeback whenever it wants to, and then the second one is like a normal permanent group which I think I'll be with Hyuck and the hyungs, and the third one is a group where we graduate once we hit 20! But I don't think that one's fully confirmed with members yet."

He's running out of breath explaining it to you and his eyes are going crazy so you just laugh and hug tighter, "That's a lot of information, but it still sounds amazing. See Mark, I told you that you're going to be the most important person in this building! You're literally the best."

Mark nudges you so that you break away, "Psh, shut up Y/N. It's still a few months out anyway. We're going to be writing and practicing the debut song for the first unit really soon though."

"And I'm so proud of you," you tell him sincerely, knowing that there are not many people who you can say have worked harder than Mark to achieve their dreams, "Do you feel scared at all?"

He swivels his body so that he's sitting in front of you and he starts playing with your fingers like he always does, "Naturally, I guess. Debuting is a whole new world and being an idol too, but this is what I've been working towards so why shouldn't I be more excited? I've been waiting for this day, but I guess it's human nature to have fear of the unknown."

"It's definitely not wrong to not be scared. I'd be over the moon if they finally tell me I'm going to debut," you sigh dreamily.

"And you will! They can't keep you hidden here any longer and you know that the company loves you so much! You've given everything for them so you deserve it all back," Mark is now rubbing circles with his thumb on the back of your hand, "I can't wait until we achieve our dream together. No matter how long it takes, we'll both be standing on that stage together as idols. It's so close now, Y/N."

You smile softly at the boy, ever the optimist, "I can't wait for it too, Mark. Don't let the fame get to your head so quickly and don't forget me when you're famous okay?"

"You're so silly," Mark laughs, "You'll always be my best friend- wait scratch that-"

"I won't always be your best friend?"

"No! You will! But this is literally the best day ever and I have all this adrenaline and energy right now and if I don't say it now, I don't think I ever will, but all I'm saying is that I've been by your side for nearly 3 years now and you're literally my other half and it's so goddamn obvious that I like you so much and I really want to be your boyfriend. Okay, exhale Mark."

Your eyes widen at his confession and you slide away from him in shock, "Wait, really? You like me? You want to be my boyfriend?"

He looks at you like you just grew two heads, "Y/N, that's literally exactly what I said. Do you like me back?"

Shyness begins to creep out of you while your whole face flushes red. You've never been the type to be shy around Mark, even in the times his words and actions make you feel giddy.

"Mhm, you're my first real crush that developed when we met. I thought I'd grow out of it, but it kept getting stronger the closer we got," you admit.

The first day that Mark Lee walked into the practice rooms and got introduced to the trainees, you thought he was the cutest boy in the world. He was dorky and shy at first, but when he performed in front of you, he turned into a completely different person that made you fall for him even more.

The two of you were the same age and he was your deskmate in Korean lessons. Though Mark had grown up speaking Korean, he had never lived in Korea speaking it almost 100% of the time, so the company thought it would be good for him to join your lessons, especially to get training for the language he would be using as an idol.

The two of you became very fast friends and by the end of the month, you were chasing each other in the cafeteria and sharing food in corners with your own inside jokes.

His face breaks out into a grin, tackling you into a hug, "Aw, my little Y/N likes me back!"

You roll your eyes playfully and shove him off your body, "First of all, I'm 3 months older than you, and second of all, you have been spending way too much time with Donghyuck."

"Yeah that little devil rubs off on people," he sighs, "Whatever. Does that mean we're boyfriend and girlfriend now?"

"Wait, wait, wait. We have to consider the implications! Especially if you're debuting soon! Are we going to tell the company? How is this going to work?" you bombard him with questions, playing your part as the realist in this friendship, "Is this a good idea."

"I mean, half the hyungs have secret girlfriends so we can ask them for help and at least it helps that you're in the company with me so if they do find out it's easier to protect the both of us," Mark replies, "I've actually spent a lot of time thinking about this, believe it or not. You keep me up awake at night sometimes."

"You're so cheesy," you mumble, turning away to hide your blushing face, "But I guess I do want to be your girlfriend- but what if we break up? I don't want to lose you as my best friend!"

"How about this then," he extends his pinky out to you, "Let's pinky swear that even if we break up and this relationship goes horribly wrong, we'll be best friends still. Forever and whenever."

His words are dripping with sincerity and it surrounds you like a blanket. There's no one in this world that you trust more than Mark Lee when you entwine your own pink around his and smile at him, "Always."

Your pinkies are still attached a minute later when he's looking at you with a goofy smile.

You glare at him, "What's going on in that big head of yours?"

"If we're dating, then does that mean I can kiss you?"

The thought of kissing Mark had admittedly crossed your mind more than you could bare to say out loud. You wanted to play it off cool- shove him and roll your eyes or something, but truthfully, you really did want to kiss your dorky best friend Mark Lee.

"I mean, I guess," you shrug, "If you want to."

"Ha ha, I do," he starts leaning in closer and your heart is beating faster.

This was it. You were going to kiss your best friend-turned-boyfriend in the middle of a practice room. He was going to be your first kiss too!

Mark's face is so close that you can feel his breath on your lips. You can tell he's never done this before with how slowly and nervously he's advancing, but you can see the hope in his eyes.

Your eyes flutter shut. Your lips are almost touching, just ghosting over each others.

"Wait!" you groan as he opens his mouth, "If I'm your first real crush, then who's your first crush overall?"

You smirk, "Jongin-oppa. Duh."

2022

This was the biggest concert of your career. Playing the Olympic Stadium had always just been a distant daydream - something to dream about just to amuse you or occupy time. You'd never thought that you would actually live to see the day when that dream came to fruition.

It wasn't even a realistic dream. No girl groups had ever played their own concert at Jamsil Olympic Stadium, but your group was going to be the first.

Cameras were pointed all around you backstage as you prepared to go on for your opening.

"Leader, give us a pep talk," your bandmate Yana whines while nudging you. You gather in a circle, pretending you're not deafened by the noise of your fans screaming just past the partition, where they're waiting in anticipation.

The 5 of you lean closer, putting your heads together and your hands in the middle. Before that, you make sure to look at their faces carefully and examine each member's expressions.

Jian is a year older than you, but she's nervous as hell and can barely get any words out. You're not worried because she's proven time after time that she's born to be on stage and that she completely transforms in front of an audience showering her in love. Yana seems nervous too, but she's better at hiding it and it comes out through rambles of sometimes unintelligible speech. Erin is gripping her microphone tightly with a poker face, probably recalling all of her raps in her head quickly, even though you know it comes second nature to her. Your youngest, Kali, seems the most excited. That kid is the most fearless idol you've ever met and you're grateful for someone like her on the team.

As for you? Well, you're a mix of all of your members. It's coming up to a decade now since you started training and you still have to take everything that this career throws at you one by one. The feeling backstage is not exactly overwhelming- it's more pride and joy and excitement to be out there and perform the best concert you have to give.

"No one can ever take this away from us. We're the first freaking girl group to host a show here! We've worked so hard for this and we absolutely deserve it. Everyone out there is here for us, so we should give it our all and play the best show ever. Don't let your nerves get to you. Just relax and be the amazing and talented performers I know we all are," you breathe out, "I'm really thankful for you guys and I'm so happy to have you by my side with me for this. We're exactly where we should be. I really love you guys so much. Let's kill it, yeah? 3, 2, 1, Fighting!"

Your members release a chuckle and you all wrap your arms around each other in a group hug. Soon, your cues begin in your in-ear monitors and you break up to take your positions on the platform that will lift you up to the stage.

The concert starts off without a hitch. Everything is perfect and the energy you get as each song progresses is nothing like you've ever felt. The sea of fans is expansive and blinding and you still have to check you're not dreaming every few moments. You eventually settle into the stage and the concert slows down a bit with your solo performances.

Your company had encouraged you all to perform something of your own choosing and while you had a vast repertoire of songs tucked away on your GarageBand, they were mostly unfinished, too personal or waiting to be adapted to your group to go onto your future albums. The song had to be something that would only ever be just for you, but something you could bare to release into the world for everyone else to hear.

Okay, so maybe you let your emotions rule you and get the best of you. Maybe the song you chose was the wrong one to invite your fans to insert themselves into. Maybe it was too personal to sing a song about Mark Lee in front of the biggest crowd you'd ever played in your life, but when else could you?

The baby grand piano is gleaming in the centre of the stage and your blue dress is sparkling from the way the lights hit the crystals adorning the whole slip. You're admittedly more nervous about this, but you think it's more to do with the fact that you know Mark Lee is in the stadium, somewhere.

Your company had warned you that if you wanted to sing this song, you had to do a little speech before that would throw them off your scent, "Hi guys," you pause for their screams, "I know you guys enjoyed Kali's energetic dance and Jian's amazing original song! For my segment, I thought we could have a little chill time and not to dampen your spirits, but I wanted to show you guys this heartbreak track that I wrote after watching too many sad rom-coms. I really hope that none of you guys can relate and if anyone ever breaks your heart, just send them my way, okay? I hope you guys enjoy it. This is '21'."

You let out a deep breath and remind yourself that this was the right choice. Your fingers glide over the keys perfectly like it's muscle memory from the year you've been working on the song. You send a prayer to higher beings that Mark won't kill you as you begin the first lines.

"I missed your 21st birthday. I've been up at home; almost tried to call you, don't know if I should. Hate to picture you half-drunk, happy. Hate to think you went out without me. I'm sorry if you blame me, if I were you I would. Thought you'd see it coming, but you never could. I still haven't heard from your family, but you said your mom always loved me."

Mark celebrated your 21st birthday with you. Public dates were not a thing in your relationship, but this man made every effort to make the best out of your situation. He kicked out your members from your dorm after enlisting their help to decorate the place top to bottom in rose gold banners and balloons. After taking cooking lessons for weeks previously, he had then covered your dining table with expensive cloth and filled up two glasses with wine to go with the steak that he had perfectly cooked all for you. He then took you to the couch and serenaded you with a love song about how much you mean to him and how thankful he was for you. On top of all that, you had boxes and boxes of presents to unwrap that were all thoughtful, beautiful, or meaningful. Mark Lee was the perfect boyfriend.

For Mark's 21st birthday, you were sat cross-legged on your sofa with your phone placed on the table in front of you, face up. It was as if you were waiting for him to be the one to call when you were the one who broke his heart just a few weeks earlier and asked to not be friends.

You were drinking the wine that he poured for you on your birthday and you were half-drunk, punching in his number on your keypad, because even though you deleted his number, you already knew it off by heart. There was just something in you that refused to carry it through. You were a coward and Mark Lee celebrated his birthday without you for the first time in 7 years.

"I see the look in your eye and I'm biting my tongue. You were the love of my life since I was young. When the night is over, don't call me up I'm already under. I get a little bit alone sometimes and I miss you again. I'll be the love of your life inside your head. When the night is over, don't call me up I'm already under."

Later on that night, you're lying wide awake and staring up at the glow-in-the-dark stars that you and Mark had decided to plaster all around your ceiling when you were bored one day. The crowd seemed to love the song thankfully and it was easy to get their energy back up. People placed meaning into everything idols did, so you weren't surprised at the people who were making guesses about your love life and the subject of the song. Whatever, they'd never get it right, anyway.

Your phone ringing cuts through the silence and you curse, hoping it won't wake up the other girls in the dorm. They're probably dead asleep from the high-energy concert anyway.

"You're still up?" his voice is grainy through the speaker.

"You're the one that called. Did you not want me to answer?" you quip back, "It's the adrenaline, I think."

"Touché. I was going to leave a voicemail, but this is better, I guess," Mark uttered, "The concert was amazing, by the way. I'm sorry we didn't come and say hello backstage, but we really enjoyed it."

"Thanks, Mark and thank the boys for me too, okay?" you instruct.

"Mhmm, of course," he replies, "That song you wrote was good, you know. But you might've as well called it 'Mark'."

You're laughing softly at his comment, "I should've changed the number, I know. But shut up- if you know it's for you, then why don't you follow my words? I said don't call me tonight."

"I've never been good at following rules when it comes to you," Mark sighs, "Plus, there's not a lot of times I can just call you up like this. At least I had something to say to you."

"You can always call if you want."

"Would you always answer?"

You pause to think, but Mark takes that as confirmation.

"Have you thought about what I said? 6 months ago when I asked if you wanted to be friends again? Or even get back together?"

"That question keeps me awake every night," you joke, "But today, when I was just looking out at the fans and greeting the idols that came backstage after the concert, it really made me think about how much I wanted to be doing all of this with you. I've always regretted what happened between us because it wasn't a choice I wanted to make. There are no words to describe the way that love manifests in front of you from the fans. I always find myself wishing you were still here by my side."

"Hm, cryptic. Is that an answer to my question or do I have to wait another 6 months to call you up and ask again?"

"How long are you going to keep asking?" you uttered, the feeling of disappointment taking over your body as you still couldn't find the courage to finally give in and allow yourself to be happy.

"Until you say yes again."

JULY 2020

The world was still shut as you knew it, yet you were halfway around the world from the place you grew to call home. Your company was generous to give you two months off to spend with your loved ones, and you chose to spend some time cooped up in your parents' house and your childhood home because even though there were so many quarantining requirements to get between the two countries, you hadn't seen your parents in almost 3 years.

Of course, you missed your members, but you lived with them and would continue to see them nearly every day for as long as you could keep your career going. Of course, you missed Mark, but it's not like you could go and see him anyway with the tough restrictions imposed on the Korean citizens.

There was also one big- scratch that- giant problem looming over your and your company's heads. The bane of your existence and public enemy number 1 Dispatch had dangled over your heads the threat of releasing the photos they had grabbed of you and Mark abroad in Vancouver at the start of the year. It wouldn't have been damning evidence considering it was the only photo set they had acquired of the two of you, but you were holding hands with your eyes clearly in view.

Your companies had threatened to sue, of course, but Dispatch has never been scared. Then, your companies tried to play the guilt-trip card and interrogate them on why they would care to do such a thing when the world was suffering enough as it is. Alas, nothing got through to Dispatch. Eventually, your companies surrendered to pay a preposterous amount to get rid of the problem and it probably didn't even make a dent in SM's savings, but it surely hurt your growing but small company even if SM took the majority of the bill.

It was completely eating you up and tearing your insides to know that because of your slip-up with Mark, the trainees in your company had to get their debut pushed back by a good probable few years.

Mark had been the perfect boyfriend, supporting you through your change to your new company and your short training period before your debut. Mark had been there to metaphorically hold your hand as you got to know the other girls and make lifelong sister bonds out of it. Mark had been there to cheer you on in the early mornings when you were doing your first few stages. Mark had been there when your first comeback did even better than your debut and propelled you to the top of the industry.

So why, oh why, were you thinking about whether being together is good for everyone involved? There you found yourself in a dark room, the phone next to your head as soft cries and hiccups escaped your lips.

"Baby, please tell me what's wrong. I hate when you cry and it's really hurting me that I'm not there with you right now. Do you want me to come there? Cause I will! I'll say I'm sick or something." he's rambling through the phone and you can hear that it's raining heavily in Seoul.

"Mark, you know that I love you right?"

"Of course I do," he coos gently, "And you're my once-in-a-lifetime great love. I love you too, baby. What's wrong?"

You don't even believe the words that come out of your mouth when you whisper them, "I can't do this anymore Mark. I think we need to break up."

"What? Y/N, this is not funny," his voice instantly turns serious.

"I'm sorry Mark, but I'm serious," you're sobbing at this point and you're surprised he can even still understand you, "I really don't want to do this but-"

"So why are you doing this? Look, let's just talk when you get back, okay? You're coming home soon, right? Or I can take a flight there, but baby, don't make these rash decisions- we're just missing each other."

"The guilt is eating me up, Mark," you confess in hushed tones, "I feel like I don't deserve to be happy. And every time I'm with you, I feel only this sense of anxiety about being caught together that I can't shake. I love you so much, Mark, but I don't know why I feel like this."

"Y/N, we've dealt with so much over the years and we've fought through everything together! We can work through this together, I promise. Just give me some time to think about what to do and everything will be okay-" he's crying now too and it breaks your heart to hear it because he barely ever cries, "I'll get the company to pay yours back what you paid to those assholes. Come on, baby."

"Mark," you whimper, "I ruined the company. I don't want to hurt my members either. Even if we admit to dating, imagine the hate that my group will face! I don't want to let them down any more than I already have."

"I'll tell the fans to not hate- Y/N just tell me what I can do to stop whatever this break-up idea in your head is. We're meant to be, Y/N. We're each other's perfect match."

"I don't love you any less, Mark. Please remember that. I need to do this for my members and for my company that took a leap of faith in me. I don't want to walk away from you, but I don't see any other choice. I don't want to hurt you or your members either. I can't be seen with you."

His voice is small and strained, "You're breaking my heart, Y/N."

"And I'm never going to forgive myself for it."

EARLY 2018

This was definitely the hardest decision of your life and it wasn't one that you took lightly either. It was something you had been thinking about for over a year and more intensely when the company started to press you on extending your exclusive training contract.

Herin Seo had entered SM just before you did and she lived and trained with you. She was your best friend outside of Mark and it broke your heart when she left the company only after 4 years in 2017. There were only a few months left on her contract, but she was desperate to get an out and an idol survival show finally gave her the motivation to break free.

Right now, she's taking the seat in front of you after setting down your favourite drinks from your favourite cafe that she still remembers, "Iced vanilla matcha latte for me and an iced oat latte for my best friend."

"You're the best Herin! My treat next time," you promise as you take the first sip. It's been a while since you've come to the café since it hurts to go when it used to be your spot with Herin.

"Well better be soon because I'm leaving in 5 days," she pouts, "I'm sorry I could only come to visit for a short time."

"It's okay. I'm glad to see you anyway after all these months," you grin, "How's settling back in Manchester?"

"I mean it's always been home but it took me a few months to really get to grips with the fact that I wasn't leaving after a week like I did when I would visit during my training. It's really weird to know England is now my permanent home and that I'm going to start school again there," she looks outside the large window that overlooks the river, "I really really miss Seoul."

You take her hand and muster your best comforting smile, "I'm really sorry that things didn't turn out how we wanted them to."

"Ha, it's not your fault Y/N. I mean, you're in the same boat; what are you planning to do with this contract thing?"

You sigh at the age-old question that's been plaguing your mind for months. In fact, your meeting with the company to decide your future was tomorrow and you still had no concrete idea of what you wanted, "I really don't know Herin. SM has been everything I've known for 5 years and everyone I love is at the company. I don't even know how to switch agencies or what happens at other agencies. At the same time, I know they're planning for a group soon, but I have this feeling that I can't shake when I think about it. I look at Jimin and Minjeong and my sweet baby Yizhou and I don't think I'm what the company wants."

"But they've invested so much time and money into you!" Herin furrows her eyebrows, "Surely they're building a group around you, Yizhuo, Koeun, Lami, and Hina! We were a pre-debut team! They can't just disregard all of you guys, right?"

"I wouldn't put it past them," you're fiddling nervously with your hands, "They've been good to me, but they're a business at the end of the day. I'm so torn up and I was thinking you could help me. How did you know that you wanted to leave the company?"

She thinks for a while before answering your question, "Well the survival show was just the reason why I left before my contract was up, but I already knew that I wasn't going to stay on and re-sign. For me, it just felt like I had more to give, but the environment I was in wasn't letting me grow anymore. I felt like there was nothing more I could give to SM. Even though Idol School didn't work out for me, I was still glad that I went."

You nod along to her story, "I haven't told anyone about this Herin. Mark's been bugging me about my terms for re-signing my contract, so I don't think it's even fathomable for him for me to leave."

"It's about you, Y/N. This is your story, your career, and your decision. There are going to be a lot of people that are going to be hurt or angry, but they will never understand what you're going through. Especially not the people who already debuted," Herin advises, "Look, talk about it with Mark tonight, and don't leave it until after your meeting because that might hurt more, but if he really loved you and wanted what's best for you, he would trust in your decision."

"You're right Herin. Thanks for being there for me."

So, you called Mark later on that night to come over. You had cooked up a few dishes for you to share and asked your dorm mates if they could give you a few hours for some alone time. Telling Mark was definitely going to be hard, but you couldn't imagine the conversation with the girls, who were going to be the most hurt. You remember when Herin left- you weren't angry, but you were overwhelmingly sad about the thought of the girl you started your journey with not being there anymore. That was when you started to question if you should still be there too, but you were scared to instill this thought in your other younger trainees that maybe thought they still had a chance.

"Hi baby," Mark is beaming when you open the door to him. He quickly shuts the door behind him with his foot and wraps you up in a tight hug, making sure to plant a kiss on your lips and then all over your face, "I missed your gorgeous face so much- oh my God the apartment smells so good! What did you cook?"

"Just some beef and rice," you lead him over to the dining table with the food set out already.

"Oh my gosh, you're so amazing," Mark smooches your cheek affectionately and takes his seat on the table. You had lived at the dorm for your whole time at SM and along the way, Mark had chosen his own seat at your dining table for when you had dinners inside, which was almost every date you shared.

You start with small talk, letting him eat and enjoy his meal before you inevitably break a little bit of his precious heart. You hadn't seen Mark for a few days since he was busy with some schedules, so he tells you all about the boys and what they've been up to recently. They're working on the biggest project NCT has ever done so far- a full 18-member release- and it's going spectacularly well. The album itself was a few weeks out, but each unit had been dropping some songs along the way.

"Babe, the company is throwing a release party when the album drops in a few weeks! Isn't that so exciting? They actually asked us what food we want at the party so we're all going crazy. I think Hyuck asked for a fondue fountain, so I'm dying to see if they'll actually give that," he's chuckling, halfway through his plate, "Do you have any special requests?"

Okay, deep breath. Now's the time. It's all or nothing.

"Actually Mark, I invited you over to talk about something," you begin and the smile on his face drops at your warning tone, "Please don't be upset with me."

"Ah, what's wrong?" he's pouting and you have to look away to get the strength to say what you need to. If you looked in his eyes any longer, you would find some reason to convince you to stay just for him.

"My contract meeting is tomorrow," you gulp, "I'm going to leave the company, Mark."

The sound of his chair scraping against the floor makes you cringe, "What? Y/N, what? What do you mean you're leaving the company? Where are you going to go? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I just made up my mind today, Mark. I'm sorry I didn't confide in you, but this was a decision I had to make for myself," tears are welling up along your lash line, "I spoke to Herin today and I realised that the only thing making me stay any longer was you."

"But you're so close to debut!" he's arguing pleadingly, crouching beside you and holding your hand, "Babe, I can't imagine this company without you."

"I'm not Mark. You know that I'm not any closer to debut than I was when I joined 5 years ago. You're indispensable to this company, but I'm really not," you expressed, "I don't want to leave and I love you, your boys, and my girls, but I think this is what's best for me."

"But where are you going to go?" Mark sniffles, "I love you so much Y/N, but what's going to happen to us?"

You shake your head at his insinuations, "No, Mark. Don't worry. Nothing's going to happen to us and I'll make sure that whatever company I join will know about us and protect us. I hope you'll find it in you to forgive me for this."

He stands up and wraps his arms around you from above, "I'm sorry for reacting this way Y/N, but there's nothing for you to be sorry for. I trust you, okay? I love you and I want you to do what's best for you. I know I can't make decisions for you, but I'll try my best to support you however I can."

You look up at him with adoration dripping from your eyes, "I love you, Mark. We're going to be okay, yeah?"

He brings his head down and connects your lips in the most love-filled way that your heart explodes in that familiar overwhelming feeling that Mark always seems to do to you, "We're going to be okay, baby."

LATE 2022

The world was playing a sick joke on you- it really was. There was no way your whole career wasn't just some April Fools' prank or that you weren't just the main target of some joke show.

You always prided yourself on being close with the company's staff and higher-ups. As a leader of your group, you felt that it was integral to your success that you were able to communicate your wishes and worries to the company and this gave you more creative freedom too. Apparently, the company too was getting more comfortable with you.

"What did you just say?" your eyes were incredulous, peering towards your sheepish CEO, "That's actually the worst idea I've ever heard in my life."

"Look, Y/N, you wanted a feature on your song," your CEO chuckles at your response, "I think this is an amazing idea."

"You're literally giving Dispatch a green light to release those photos. Do you want me to email you a picture of me and Mark making out so you can just tweet it from the official account?" you counter, "Why in the hell would having my ex-boyfriend feature on my solo debut title track be anything short of a terrible idea?"

"Mark is incredibly famous and incredibly talented," she begins, counting with her fingers, "You have high standards. We have a good relationship with SM Entertainment. Your fans love shipping the two of you together since you're in the same age group."

"He's also my ex-boyfriend. Is that not extremely problematic? Everyone will hyper analyse every interaction we have or have had and then they're actually going to figure out that we dated." you ponder, "The worst part of this all is that I know he would say yes if his company lets him."

"Exactly- he's your ex-boyfriend, not your current one. By all logic, he's now just another fellow idol or colleague that you can collaborate with. Anyway, SM will definitely say yes; look how many of their idols are in relationships or at least feature on tracks."

"This is all Crush and Joy's fault," you groan, looking at the pleased expression on your CEO's face knowing that she had won the argument.

When your company proposed the idea of having a solo debut to you half a year ago, you had vehemently declined the opportunity, citing it wouldn't be beneficial to your group as a whole and that you wanted to be known for your group and not your individuality. Your members, on the other hand, had different ideas and talked you into at least hearing out the company. You had really only agreed to the debut when they told you that they would give you full musical freedom and the help that you personally requested. It only seemed like a good idea when you realised that someone in the group needs to be the one to start doing solo activities so the rest of the group can follow suit. You've always known that Jian has been curious about acting.

So you find yourself swiveling in your chair in the studio, waiting for Mark to find his way to the room. It's your first time working together for your solo debut and the last time you had spoken to him was a text he sent you asking if you actually wanted him to feature on the track before he gave a response to his company. You begrudgingly replied a yes because even though you still didn't think it was a good idea, you couldn't imagine yourself working with anyone other than Mark. The industry was crazy sometimes.

The knocking on the door snapped you out of your thoughts and you jumped up to open it to Mark Lee holding two cups on the other side.

"Hey pretty. I got us some coffee," he pushes a cup into your hand and you move aside to let him in, "How are you?"

"Don't call me pretty," you mumble as you turn away to hide the blush starting to appear on your cheeks, "But I'm okay. It's getting busier with the holidays coming up, so you know how that is, but the company thought this time was a great time to work on my debut."

"I feel you," Mark grimaces, taking a seat on the other spinning chair, "Don't tell anyone but Dream is actually having another comeback. It's going to be out just before Christmas."

"Another one?" your eyes widen in shock, "But you just released 2 Baddies and I know you definitely have a repackage soon!"

"Yeah, it's hard to be part of both units," he sighs, "Cause our new album will be over 6 months out from Beatbox, but only 3 months from 2 Baddies. Whatever, you know I love what I do."

"Doesn't mean you don't get tired," you cross your arms, "Now I feel bad having you on this track. You are way too busy, Mark! Why didn't you or your company say no?"

He shakes his head to reassure you, "Nah, trust me Y/N; you're exactly the break I need from the boys. Besides, I've never had the chance to formally work with you, so why would I give up the opportunity when it comes? We always made a great team back then."

You smile fondly, thinking about all those times when you and Mark were young teenagers and would huddle up in the practice rooms writing songs together and creating melodies on your guitars.

"I guess we did. Anyway, have a listen to this track. It's just something I wrote a while ago, but it always seemed unfinished so I thought that a feature would complete it," you hand him a pair of headphones and gesture over to your laptop with the track already loaded up, "If you like it, you can do your part in the second verse, but otherwise we can start from scratch."

You watch his face as he listens to the song and you're endeared to find out he still carries the same habit of letting his face do all the talking whenever he's listening to something new. His head is bobbing up and down as he nods along to the song and you can easily tell which parts he likes.

"So, what do you think?" you inquire.

He has a grin on his face, "I love it! Honestly! It's a cute song about a crush, I guess?"

"Yeah, I didn't want to go with any song that's lyrically strong for my debut. This song's pretty unassuming and you know how important it is to the companies to have a general public-friendly song," you shrug. They didn't really explicitly give you guidelines, but you knew what the company was really looking for- a hit, "Can you work with that beat? I'll send you the song of course and you don't have to rush or anything."

"I'll see what I can do," Mark teases, "Can I get an insider sneak peek at the rest of the album? You know, feature perks and all of that."

You flush even redder than when he complimented you earlier, "I'm going to be so honest Mark, the whole album is about you. Every song I've written is about you."

He shrugs casually, "I would've figured. You're a big inspiration to my writing too. Is that a no, then?"

You decide that there was no point shying away from Mark's request, considering that he would end up hearing each and every song whenever your album came out anyway. Plus, the two of you were artists and you understood being each others' muse- good or bad. Mark had seen you in every vulnerable state possible. Showing him your songs that you were comfortable enough to release to the public anyway was nothing to you.

"You can listen."

You don't bother giving Mark any explanations for any song- he's the one that lived through these experiences with you. You leave him with your tracklist on the laptop and tell him you would leave him for a few moments to grab some lunch for the two of you in the company cafeteria. You were hoping it was going to be a quick trip down and back up, but you had run into a producer you were also working with on the album, and that gave Mark at least 5 songs worth of time alone.

What you hadn't expected upon returning was to find Mark crying softly, his sweater paws rubbing at his eyes.

"Mark? Are you crying?"

Your surprise caused him to jump up and frantically wipe away his tears, "Ha. That's a really sad album, huh?"

The guilt continues to eat you up from the inside out, "I'm not going to release all of them, I think. A few sad songs and fill the rest in with inconspicuous tracks."

"Well your songs are beautiful anyway," he gives you a pained smile, "You're an amazing writer. I just wish I wasn't the cause of your pain."

"Hey," you scold softly, bumping his arm with yours, "Don't say that. You were nothing but amazing to me. You made me so happy. It was just the circumstances around us."

He chuckled bitterly to himself, "If we weren't famous- if this industry wasn't so vicious, I would still have you?"

"Mark," you warn, but he cuts you off.

"Have you thought about what I asked you?" he interrupts, "It's been a year, you know? I still miss you."

"Mark, it's not that easy," you counter, "Nothing's changed!"

"It's either you want to be with me or you don't. Don't skirt around it and just tell me the truth, okay? It would really make working together easier if I know where we stand. I won't stop fighting for us until you tell me to stop, so tell me what you want, Y/N," Mark pleads, standing up to face you, "I'm sorry for springing it out of nowhere, but I need to know. I can't move on until I know to let you go."

You hate yourself for what you did to Mark. He was the boy that taught you how to love and how to love patiently, sincerely, and passionately. He was the boy that held your hand and rubbed your back when you cried and the boy that celebrated every success with you. He was the boy that told you how proud he was of you, even every time you felt like the world was collapsing around you. He was the boy who would lay kisses on your forehead and whisper sweet nothings in your ear whenever you faced another setback. He was the boy that made flowers bloom out of your heart from his kind gestures and the way he showed you how much he loved you. And if nothing else, Mark was the boy that made you happy.

You remember a conversation with your youngest member the night before. You had confided in her how nervous you were to work with Mark and she lectured you on finally letting yourself be happy. You were already a 4-year idol and Mark was coming onto 7 years. You weren't rookies anymore and you had solid fanbases. It was clear that the companies weren't extremely opposed to revealing that the two of you were dating back then, so she told you that it would be fine now. Kali told you, rather cliché-ly, that the heart wants what it wants and your heart has been screaming and begging from Mark since the second you ended that phone call with him all those years ago.

"Y/N?"

"Mark," you meet his eyes and melt all over again, "It's you, Mark."

Mark wraps one arm around your waist and pulls you tighter. The other hand reaches up to your face to brush your hair out of your face and cradle your cheek as he brings it up to his own face. Your noses are almost touching as Mark lays it all bare for you, "Do you love me or do you not, Y/N?"

"I do," the feeling is cathartic when you finally tell him and when he finally presses his lips in a searing kiss that sets off all the fireworks in your heart. The feeling of Mark is familiar, but the kiss is longing and hopeful and you can't get enough.

You're both panting when he breaks the kiss and he rests his forehead against yours as he laughs softly in relief. He's been waiting to do that for over 2 years.

"I need you back, Y/N. It's been the worst 2 years of my life," he whispers against your lips, "Please come back."

You smile when he opens his eyes. They're that shade you grew to love all those years ago and they're sparkling like the day he first asked you to be his girlfriend.

Nothing's changed in your environment, that's for sure. What you're also sure about is that each time you see Mark again, you feel a little braver and more courageous. Each time Mark tells you that he loves you even though you shattered his heart like glass, you feel like his love can get you through anything. Maybe you needed those 2 years to see what you were missing or maybe you were just stupid.

Whatever. All you know now is that even 2 years on, Mark Lee is still begging for your love and your brain is losing out in its battle against your heart. It might've taken you two years, but now you see that all you need is Mark Lee by your side to get through the torrential storm that was heading your way and that you were going to get out on the other side to a bright and sunny sky, as long as he was holding your hand and leading you.

You place a kiss on his lips that tells him all he needs to know, "I'm here, Mark. It's always been you. You've always been the one. Always."

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frannyzooey · 1 year

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Din Djarin x f!reader, Western AU

Rating: Explicit (COMPLETED)

Summary: Set in a brothel in the late 1800’s in the Wild West, you’ve only been working there for a month when Din Djarin shows up. A bounty hunter who makes stops into town between jobs, he is known at the inn for his generous appetite and demanding preferences. Asking for you one night, he is pleased to learn you are well suited for him: your sweet nature soothing to his gruff temperament and surprising him with your ability to handle his rougher tastes. Demanding that you be made available to him every time he is in town, neither one of you is ready for where this request leads.

Chapters:

The Beginning

The Kid

The Surprise

Drabble: The Union Suit

The Hill

Drabble: The Henhouse

The Lesson

Drabble: The Rope

The Rope, Part II

The Night Trip

Interlude: US Marshal Marcus Pike

The Camping Trip

The Confession

Drabble: The Worship Service

Interlude: Oil Baron Maxwell Lord

Interlude: Ranch Owner Jack Daniels

The Demand

Interlude: Pioneer Francisco Morales

The Kerchief

The Mark

Drabble: The Exploration

Drabble: The Letter

The Ask

The Hour

The Crest

The End

One Shots:

The Hayloft

The Night

The Bath

Bound

The Morning

TMTC Art

Western Din Djarin

The Union Suit

TMTC Din

TMTC Din, II

TMTC Din, III

TMTC Din, IV

TMTC Din, V

Din and The Kid

Din and The Kid, II

Take Me To Church story gifset

Moodboard

Moodboard II

Moodboard III

Moodboard IV

Din and Girl

Din in the bath

Love Letter to TMTC

Gracie

Gracie II

Gracie III

The Ending

TMTC Comic

TMTC Drabbles

Drabble Masterlist

Tags:

#tmtc inspo

#tmtc ask

#tmtc art

#tmtc drabble

#din djarin #din djarin/you #din djarin/reader #din djarin x you #din djarin x reader #the mandalorian/you #the mandalorian/reader #pedro pascal character #pedro pascal character fanfiction #the mandalorian

818 notes · View notes

diorcities · 1 year

Text

nabi

pairing: lee donghyuck x afab!reader. content: smut, angst. miscommunication trope, exes to lovers, manipulation, toxic relationship, jealousy, college au, mention of jisung, mention of jaemin, mention of mark. hand job, shower sex (kinda) riding, angry sex, slight bondage, softdom!haechan, rough sex, edging, unprotected sex. wc: 6.8k. playing: 21 gracie abrams ;; somebody else the 1975 ;; white ferrari frank ocean ;; hostage billie eilish ;; there you are zayn ;; people libianca x becky g ;; la la lost you 88rising x niki ;; style taylor swift. an: thanks for reading <33

you missed his 23rd birthday.

as you listen to your roommate rummaging through her bedroom drawers, your eyes wander to the phone screen. fingers floating on the keyboard, half a sentence written, before you end up deleting it. the shower you have taken has not served to remove the thoughts that swarm in your head.

emily comes out of her room just as you block the phone, shooting you a look. “so, what are we thinking?” she asks, appearing around the doorway, taking a leisurely turn that allows you to see her outfit. “perfect,” you just say. emily huffs, “i hope so,” she informs, rolling her eyes at something that crosses her mind. then look at you again. “are you sure you don't want to come? i mean, it's a saturday night,” she says, and for a second, a hint of pity crosses her features. “i'm fine, ems,” you say, “i'll make myself some wine and devour a marathon of how to get away with murder.”

emily narrows her eyes. maybe her idea of saturday night is very different from yours, but in the end, she decides to give up. you listen to her heels become more and more inaudible until it is only silence and you.

you fall into bed touchless. looking at the ceiling contemplating your decisions. the sweet torture of maybes and perhaps invades you until you decide to shake them away like an annoying mosquito and head toward the kitchen. emily has taken the wine. you stare at the nearly empty fridge, cursing for declining the offer to get drunk until you lose consciousness and wallow with some handsome guy. your saturday can't be going worse.

a half-empty bottle of vodka lies on the fridge door, and you examine your chances and possibilities. there is always the option of going for liquor at 12 in the morning at the nearest supply, but honestly, you don't feel like doing it. so the bottle will suffice. not enough to get you drunk but enough to dull the chest pain that has been oppressing you since last night came to an end, and you find yourself collecting stars on the ceiling of your room while imagining him having fun with his friends, going out to a party, enjoying without you. maybe finding a girl and falling in love again, while you can't move on, pathetic, trapped, and sunk in the melancholy that memories of when he was with you bring to the surface. from when he loved you.

when it chimes 3 in the morning, you can't take it anymore. the bottle of vodka has run out even before its time, and your head feels light, so light that you feel like you can float. you change into used jeans and a sweatshirt before heading for the exit, but stop and think better of it, approaching the bathroom. the reflection is pitiful, fixing it is almost useless but you still try. feeling that no effort will give results, looking again in the mirror and looking the same or even worse. you give up very quickly, and by the time you want to rethink it again, you find yourself on the street.

a thousand and one thoughts swarm in your head. random images appear like shooting stars across your vision, are you crying? you do not know. the lethargy of the liquor does not let you think clearly. yes, you can blame it on that, when you find yourself in front of the mahogany door of his apartment. knuckles suspended in the air, debating. to go or to stay. the heaviness settles in the pit of your stomach and suddenly you are twenty again. a younger you, smiling, having friends, enjoying fleeting youth. finding love, falling in love, a guy with a blurry face smiles at you until his features harden, and you don't know why. suddenly the shell rises. and you feel like breaking his heart, but he's breaking yours. you don't know anything other than the unknown and dangerous feeling that consumes you, so you decide to end it before it finishes you. and you never look back.

but now you do. and there is no return from this point when your hands finally touch the wood. noises are heard from the other side, and you freeze. footsteps are heard in crescendo and a chill runs down your spine. the door opens, and suddenly all the words you know are gone.

donghyuck looks at you without revealing any emotion. shocked maybe? he doesn't say anything for an eternity, or a minute, no one knows. drinking in the presence of the other, assuring you that it is real. “hello.” your mouth feels dry, and swallowing is useless. “yn…” says your name, and you go back in the past when pronouncing your name caused warmth in your stomach. now the only thing that causes you is gagging. the guilt sits in your stomach, and it's unpleasant. “forgive me.” the prayer leaves your mouth before you can stop it, and a sob accompanies it. you see donghyuck suppresses a pitying frown before your vision blurs. you muffle the sound with the exterior of your hand, unable to meet his eyes, suddenly feeling his touch on your shoulders, slide down your back and draw you in. but not toward him. restlessness makes your mind have a lucid moment, suddenly observing his dark hair fall on his forehead, soaked, with small beads of water falling to the ground. you realize that he is entirely naked, except for the towel around his waist. “shit, i'm sorry.” there are no traces of the nostalgia to see him again, now replaced by the shame of having interrupted him while he was bathing. perhaps he expected it to be someone else, considering that he must have interrupted his bath to answer the door. “don't be,” he murmurs, modestly.

“not seriously. i must have interrupted you.”

“i was almost done.”

again, the silence begins to grow between your bodies, taking more and more space in the small room of their apartment, suffocating any opportunity to prevent it.

“did you expect…?”

“are you okay?” you talk at the same time. “of course,” you lie, and he nods. “how about you?” questions. “i'm doing fine,” he answers simply. you watch his fingers comb his wet hair out of sight, revealing that she looked at you first.

but you're not feeling well, are you? you haven't been well for a long time, but you've managed to avoid thinking about it because if you did, you'd say confessions that won't go anywhere. that they will be lost somewhere in his mind and that they would not make any change. talking won't improve anything.

so you're not okay. you haven't been since you didn't have him, but saying so would be selfish, and you care more that he is, because today is his birthday, and the thought of knowing that he's feeling horrible completely breaks you. “donghyuck…” the words burn in your throat, “don't say anything,” he begs, “it's okay,” he assures, but you shake his head. i didn't know you wanted me there, so i didn't go," you finished.

the confession hangs in the air, weighing, debating.

“it's okay,” he reassures, “you're here now, you don't have to apologize anymore.” and although forgiveness was supposed to give you a truce, it ends up making you feel worse. it eats you up inside, like a black hole that devours everything in its path. feeding on the dark places, until there is nothing left but an empty shell. donghyuck drags you to the surface as his icy hands hover over yours, and you look back in thanks. his eyes seem to say “you're welcome” when he looks at you.

and you can't help it.

you kiss him.

his cold hands begin to acclimate to your warmth as they run over your arms and back. fervent. unable to leave them alone. your fingers are buried in his wet hair, a sigh falling from his lips when you caress his nape. devouring the existence of the other, hungry tongues wanting to savor the other, the feeling of not having enough until you cannot melt your bodies...

donghyuck directs your steps blindly. his mouth still on yours. his soft lips being bitten and caressed by your tongue, the little sounds he lets loose dying in your throat. your back hits a hard surface, drawing you a surprised gasp. the reaction only causes the collision of your tongues when they meet, melting your insides and taking your breath away. you move away to catch your breath, even caressing the boy's hair, who wastes no time running his tongue around your neck. your hands travel to his bare, slightly damp shoulders, before sliding down her veiny arms, and back up.

his face hides in the crook of your neck, sucking and kissing your skin, releasing a thousand explosives into your senses, before his hands separate you from the wall and take you with him to his room. your shoes are lost somewhere along the way, your sweatshirt is stripped from your body by his hands, breaking the kiss only to remove it over your head, before attacking your mouth again.

your hands run over the smooth skin of his chest and back, letting yourself be carried away by him while you kiss him with the same fervor as he does. “let me…” your eyes open when you no longer feel movement, and your feet stop on the cold surface of the tiles. his eyes flicker between yours and your waist. your gaze moves down, where her body is hidden only by a towel wrapped around her waist. you nod, dry-mouthed, finally looking up at him. giving him the permission he shouldn't ask for. leaving chaste kisses on your mouth while his hands go towards your pants, and yours towards his, helping him to remove the garment, which falls heavily on the floor.

the kiss deepens as his hands wrap around your waist, circling his thumbs, working his way down to your butt, feeling the skin, squeezing.

your hands go to the cloth that covers his masculinity, stopping you momentarily, as donghyuck pushes you against him. you feel the bulge in your lower belly, pressing against the towel. donghyuck makes you press against him, letting out a strangled groan. you swear that your interior tightens. foreheads brushing as your hands finally undo the towel from her waist, and her hands slide your underwear down, both falling to the floor, taking a backseat. his hand goes up your back, until it finds the clasp of your bra, taking it off with an agile movement, while all his attention is on your mouth.

his hands run through your body carelessly, as if all his judgment had been removed along with the towel on the floor, leaving only the primitive and lustful desire inhibited by his morality. taking your chest in his hand while another does not allow you to move away from his body, resting on your butt. leaving all the control of the kiss in you, the way you want it to be, how long you want it to be, how deep and violent can be.

pushing his hip against you, stimulating his erection against your stomach. “shall we go back to the shower?” he questions between kisses his eyes remain closed, and something inside you stirs because you fear that he does not want to look at you. hiding from your gaze, he presses you against himself. “yeah.” his voice is hoarse and guilt-ridden. and yet knowing it, you can't just walk away and leave it. you can not. because you are selfish.

your lips attack his neck while he detaches himself from your body to open the shower and regulate the temperature. when he comes back to you, he pins you against the wall and kisses you, as if the episode from a while ago hadn't happened. you caress her temples and pull away. “are you okay?” you ask. his lips leave little kisses on your wrists. “of course.” his eyes finally look at you. there is nothing more in them than warmth.

“are you okay with me here?” you want to ask. will he say yes? will he be quiet? you want to know if he wants you with the same intensity that you want him. if the ghost of you still remains in him like his ghost in you, tormenting you every second you spend without being with him. is he okay here with you? you hope so from the way he kisses you and moans, that he thought of you at least once while he was with someone else.

and it's the only thing that matters. not the selfish being, or the most horrible person in the world. or feel like shit for knowing that the one who put you in this situation was yourself. that asking you if he wants you there with him is totally your fault, and that both of you feel miserable is caused by you. but it does not matter. while kissing you, your mind forgets everything. there is no room for the suffering that oppresses your chest, the guilt that eats you inside each time there are these encounters, the emptiness that lets you know that you are no longer his. without realizing it, you are crying. but donghyuck doesn't realize it; the shower hides the tears, and your sobs turn to moans as his leg settles between yours, moving it against your core.

you grind against him in a swing of the hips. your hands down his chest to his stomach, where his cock hits goosebumps. encircling your hand the length of it, you move up and down his member, stopping at the tip to touch it. donghyuck grits his teeth at the sensitivity, but doesn't ask you to stop. his hand goes to your hips to move more enthusiastically on his smooth thigh. the subtle movement makes you gasp, moving your hand in time with his movements. stopping without warning and replacing his leg with his fingers, nimble and careful, making you moan with each movement. stirring in sync with his fingers but not getting enough of him. “let me stretch you out a bit, mmm?” he whispers. his fingers send lightning bolts throughout your bloodstream. blood heating up, heart beating faster. your eyes flutter at the precise movements of his digits, knowing exactly where to touch, what place makes you moan, what place makes you close your eyes, what place makes you clench your legs because the sensation overwhelms you.

your hand works with pauses on his cock due to the effect he has on you, and you know how frustrating it must be feeling not to be able to concentrate, so you move his body away from you. “only you,” you say, catching your breath and beginning to long for his touch. you see him frown in disagreement and open his mouth to retort, but you stop him.

“i want to make you feel good.”

“okay.” his lips come back to yours, but this time, his hands remain on your hip. your fingers wrap around his penis, beginning to pound the length with great care. his neck is exposed as his head is pulled back, lips letting out guttural sounds as you fuck him with your hand. eyes devouring his expressions, his angular features contracting with pleasure, eyes narrowed by the incredible sensation of your hands working on his cock. your gaze moves to his cock. of a reddish tone and with pearls of precum in the cleft. and you find yourself fantasizing about running your tongue down the length, tasting it, getting it into your mouth. but you don't; it's too intimate. and it's not up to you to do it.

“what's going through your mind?” donghyuck wants to know. his eyes seek yours through the curtain of tears. your hands work faster and he seems to forget for a moment, letting out a moan that sounds like longing to you. “shit,” he says, finding your mouth and kissing it with wild excitement. “oh…o—oh fuck, nabi, don't stop.” your hand working fervently on his cock, with circular movements at the tip, occasionally brushing the slit with drops of pre-cum. donghyuck lets out another guttural moan before he cums into your hand. thick and hot semen, which bathes your hand and falls almost immediately on the tiles. watching him narrow his eyes when your hands linger longer on him, knowing exactly when to stop. donghyuck hisses at the sharp sensation coursing through his penis as your movements slow and stop.

you finish bathing and drying off as if the minutes were running out, as if the fire of desire could be extinguished now that they have come far.

his body is sprawled on the edge of the mattress, wide eyes watching every move you make as you climb onto him. kisses are left everywhere, stomach, arms, breasts, chest, neck, jaw, but never on your lips. kissing the skin of his temple, feeling him direct his member towards your pussy, already longing for him. slipping like silk from how wet you are. feeling it fill you inside, pleasantly. “o—oh,” you groan. the sensation overwhelms all your senses, making it impossible to contain the swing of your hips. donghyuck throws his head back, eyes closing and mouth parting to let out moans and gasps, feeling his penis being engulfed by the gummy walls of your tight pussy, hearing the sounds of your cunt sloshing every time their hips come together, every time you collide with him.

rhythmic and enveloping movements, moans intertwining in the hot air generated by your bodies on fire. consumed by desire drowned out by unspoken words. just letting yourself be carried away by the fiery feeling you feel for each other from day one.

donghyuck feels so good inside you that you can't help but speed up your thrusts. take it all sight blurring and darkening with the desire to see him demolish under your body. feel a tingling in the stomach knowing that it is you who has put him like that. a mess, a bunch of grunts and broken words. his hips meeting yours from time to time, unable to contain himself, wanting more of you, to feel full. hands gripping skin, pushing you against him when the sensation is overwhelming and clouding your senses. “shit, hyuck.” your face contracts when you feel the knot tightening your insides.

uncontrollable gasps gush out of your mouth, followed by his name. again and again. fascinated by the way you look, fucking him, moving like that on top of him, looking so masterful and heavenly, his gaze darkens with desire and becomes heavy. “o-oh, yn. you're going to kill me.” your hips relentlessly rocking on his cock, hands locked behind your back as he decides to take over, and thrust into you, tensing your body as much as you can to hold still as he fucks you, so good. dropping you at the last second as you finally release yourself on top of him, collapsing in spasms as his movements become more jerky and clumsy, finally coming a second time. pulling his cock out and spilling his seed on the skin of your ass, feeling his hand milk his cock into you.

nothing is heard except your heavy breathing and the gear of your thoughts as you ponder what has just happened.

he leaves for a few seconds for his clothes, still together on the bathroom floor, and returns with a cloth that you use to clean his load from your skin. dressing without exchanging words. saying anything else as you leave. he doesn't stop you. and something breaks inside you because you let him go for the second time.

you don't know how you get to your building, but it's already dawn. the vodka hasn't been enough to get you drunk but to leave an annoying sharp pain somewhere in your head. you rub your eyes from not having slept at all, looking in your pockets for the key to the apartment, but it's not necessary.

jisung looks at you with slight surprise to see you there in the corridor. “we just arrived,” he says. you have never been close enough to greet each other or ask how the other has been. simple conversations that provide the required information. “i was walking around.” he nods, and you don't know if he believed you because you hardly know him. you see him around campus with his friends, and sometimes in the library, but you don't come over to say hi; you ignore each other's existence most of the time, except when he comes by from time to time for emily, but nothing more. you look at each other and decide that it is time to say goodbye, bowing your heads so slightly that there is hardly any movement. you walk into the apartment once you see him disappear down the elevator, ready to brush your teeth and head off to college in twenty minutes, but stopping when you feel emily's presence in the living room.

she makes no more noise than when she blows her snot. she's wearing a jacket you haven't seen her wear before, so you assume it belongs to the guy who left a few minutes ago. her silhouette is hunched over and she does not look at you despite knowing that you are there. you make threats to withdraw because clearly, you don't know how to comfort anyone, but her voice stops you. “he didn't even look at me. not once."

“i am sorry to hear that.” her gaze drifts from the carpeted floor to look at you. bloodshot eyes from crying until she had run out of another tear. “love suck, doesn't it? you seem to know that” she says, hinting how you never bring boys to the apartment like her. finally getting up from the couch, and coming over to you. you think, for a second, that she's going to hug you, so you freeze there, waiting for it to happen, but it doesn't. “love's not supposed to hurt. we have to let it go, right?” and even though your past actions led you exclusively to the opposite end of her words, you nod and agree with her.

yes, you have to know how to let go.

εїз

you rub your eyes and stare disoriented at the numbers shining on the phone screen. “hello?” you don't know who can possibly be calling you at this hour, still lethargic from your interrupted sleep, you look at the clock that marks two in the morning. “eh! yn.” emily's voice comes over the cell phone. “were you sleeping?” she asks, and even though you don't want to show your irritation, it comes naturally. “yes, emily. others like to sleep at two in the morning sometimes.” but she only laughs, revealing that she's drunk.

“jisung's with you?” you wonder, preoccupied. “no, i lost him. i borrowed a phone. hey! but since you're awake,” she says over the music. “can you check if i left my phone in my bedroom?”

“fuck no!” you complain, exhaling. “i have to get up early tomorrow, ems. i'm sure you can live a little without your phone.” you wait for a response, but she already hangs up.

you go back to bed, ready to fall asleep again but unable to do so. tossing and turning in bed, thinking about emily, worried that something might happen to her. you couldn't live knowing that something had occurred to her because of you. cursing as you get up and grab any piece of clothing within reach, before leaving for the party where she is.

at the time you arrive, it's four in the morning. another day without having proper sleep, accumulating sleepless nights like a collection of your own. passing through people you don't know and that you are sure you need to remember from classes you attend. you find jisung smoking with his friends, approaching him when you don't see emily around. “where is she?” you ask, seeing the smoke he let out of his mouth before answering, and even though he doesn't say it, you know he thinks you're so hypocritical. “probably inside.” you give him a last look before heading inside the house.

your eyes scan all the faces, looking for emily, but you don't find her. instead, you come across the mirage of a tattoo adorning the back of a boy's neck through the sea of people. with his back to you, he seems to be chatting with someone. and you can't physically stand there any longer. forgetting about emily for a moment, debating whether it's worth it or not.

you turn on your heels, jolting by a body colliding with yours, which shakes you out of your conjectures. you come out of your inertia ready to mumble an apology and get the hell out of there before he sees you, but you are stopped by his hand when it lands on your waist without warning. you look, surprised, stupefied, and annoyed at the boy who swigs a bottle of whiskey. taking a prolonged sip of the liquor while rocking his body from side to side, and consequently, yours as well.

then he looks at you, dumbfounded as you snatch the bottle from him and reach for it. the fire of the liquor runs down your throat and fuels the fire in your stomach, furrowing your eyebrows at the tingle it leaves on your tongue. the boy's clearly drunk, looking at you with awe when you stare at him from below, using his spare hand to grab your chin and smash his lips with yours.

and it's the first time, the weight on your chest is relieved. your mind is silenced, and you're just there, kissing a guy while the music plays through the club speakers. everything clicks for a moment, and you finally understand that you can move on. that there is calm after the storm. but you've spent so much time not knowing it, you've gotten used to it.

his mouth tastes like alcohol and something sweet. and you drown yourself in it, quieting your demons. remembering that you are young, and there is so much to experience. hoping you could stop feeling so miserable when you set foot outside, at the thought of rebuilding your life. that you can find something else. that the world is so big… and your thoughts can be so small, they're almost relevant.

but you can't help but open your eyes. and look at him, across the room. with his lips on the girl. but his eyes on you. you unwillingly break the kiss. “fuck, you're fun to kiss, yn.”

you're about to pass on it and go home. this was a bad idea. you can't do it. but you stop yourself.

because your name on his lips reminds you that you exist.

“how do you know my name?” you ask, stunned. the boy smiles. “science,” he mentions, though it sounds more like a question. an amused smile appears on his face as if he finds it funny that you don't remember him, “we see classes together.” you try to remember his face, in the classroom you deliberately ignore since you're ultimately in your head. “and we hooked up last semester.”

“i'm sorry,” you say, but that only makes me smile more.

“i could have expected it,” he replies, “you're way out of my league.” his confession jolts you out of your lethargy like a punch straight to the stomach. he takes the bottle from your hand and takes a swig, watching your reaction to that information. “you're like… halley's comet.”

“you're hardly ever around, but when you do show up, you're breathtaking,” he admits, even now, knowing you didn't put any effort into your image. even now, being a quarter of what you were before. even now, working at 5%, sunk to shit. he finds you special.

he takes your silence as an answer. his hand now caresses your chin, and you see him move closer. resting his lips on yours, he begins to kiss you. but it doesn't last long, because you break it. “i have to go.”

you curse yourself so much that you lose count. unaware of your surrounding and finding yourself in a pit (that you dig yourself) so deep that you forget what you have come for, rubbing your head because it looks like it is going to burst.

you don't see him approaching. he doesn't say a word, neither do you, when he drags you to his car. bodies colliding against the passenger sit door as his face comes closer.

“you should know by now. i don't share.” eyes amusingly glaring at your lips, part open due to shocked events. his words burning on his lips, marking itself on you. watching him breathe raggedly, his body pressing against yours, showing how angry he is. and yet… hands gently resting on your waist, before your body is dragged with his into the front seat of his car. “wait, what are you doing?” you ask him when he slams the door behind him and goes to the driver seat.

“not doing this with you, donghyuck.”

“you don't get to ignore me all year and then appear at my dorm on my birthday.”

“i thought that's what you wanted.”

“don't be a hypocrite.”

you stare at him with a stunned look. “am i the hypocrite? you are as much to blame as i am.” suddenly letting out the pressure on your chest. finally releasing the explosion that for weeks, months, and years has been taking your sleep away. “you did this to yourself,” he eventually says, and you swear something broke inside.

“you walked away, not me.”

“because you always ruin everything.” his words cut you like knives, and he can even believe he said them out loud, keeping them with him until he couldn't hold them anymore.

“you get scared and shut down because that's all you know: to destroy yourself and others,” he accuses, voice escalating in intensity. “you don't concede for a second that you can have anything good for yourself,” he reveals, finally, that you're not the only one who has suffered. “so all you do right now is ruin us.”

“there is no us,” you lie. “why, because i'm not good enough?” but you don't answer, you couldn't. because you never renounce each other. but your silence is taken as something else, something that you don't clear out because you're both interrupted. your phone rings and both pair of eyes glance at the unknown number, but you know who's calling.

“don't answer.” donghyuck voice is only a whisper, but you can sense what he hides underneath: a promise. but you do exactly the opposite, because you need to know. now that you're sincere with one another, there's no going back. but you can only make it if you know she's safe.

“ems, where are you?”

εїз

bodies crashing and stumbling into each other like a hurricane taking everything in its path. hands everywhere, grasping, holding as if the other would disappear if you didn't show each other enough affection. if you didn't show each other how much you wanted each other, how long you had repressed the urge for your mouths to finally come together.

there is no beginning or end. start or finish of where one ends and the other begins, as you devour your essence, tongues and teeth, sucking, sucking, biting. moans and gasp as the other kiss you just like you wanted, where you touch each other just where you need it. pressing your back at the door, without having stopped kissing since you arrived. but you have to tell him. you must or other way you think you might combust. the confession slips out from your lips in a whisper.

“i'm sorry.”

“i don't want to hear it, yn.” he breathes, chest rising and falling as he breathe erratically. “i missed you, i always will,” you reply, sensing him shake his head. “shut up.”

an eternity in each other's mouths, brushing against each other's bodies, grinding your hips together. showing how much he wants you under his jeans. feeling you damped your underwear just by how he's holding you close to him, as you'd run if he held you a little less aggressively.

your body is removed from the wall and forced to intertwine your legs at his hips as he gracefully lifts you off the ground. his firm hands on your ass trace small circles on your skin while his mouth attacks yours in a kiss that can ignite you if he so desires. “donghyuck.” you are deposited on the floor of his room, donghyuck's lips still on you as he takes off your pants and shirt, leaving you in your underwear. he breaks the kiss to remove his jacket. your hands instinctively go to him, but he grabs your wrists and pulls them away. “please...”

“don't do this to me.” his hands grab your wrist as a way to ease himself. lips in a thin line as your eyes try to meet his gaze, but he shuns you. “you're fucking evil.” his grip tighten in your skin, but you endure it because deep inside you, you know you deserve his rage. when he sees you, a chill runs down your spine with his eyes darkening. “hyuck...”

he kisses you now more eagerly, stopping your words. lust merging into anger. touches more violently, all the repressed emotions finally emerging to the surface. he takes your bra with a quick move of his fingers, while the other hand buries inside your underwear. he hums in bliss to know you're already soaking wet. to know that he doesn't need to stretch you for him, seeing how ready you are to take him. fingers running through your folds before stimulating the swollen bulge of your satisfaction. circling your clit as he holds you close when your legs start to tremble. “lay back and spread your legs.” he stops and removes his fingers from you, and takes off the remaining clothing on you.

you hold up a moan and do as he told, not leaving unnoticed the moment when he puts his fingers in his mouth and tastes you on his tongue. laying on the bed while his eyes, consumed in their entirety by his pupils, watch you like a predator watches its prey. stroking his cock with the view of your glassy cunt. hovering you and pressing the tip at your entrance; you let out a wail.

a sweet ardor runs through you when your walls clenched around his penis, pushing it inside you as his eyes shut close. your legs shut together before his strong grip on one of them forces you to spread them again, holding it against the mattress. “you're constantly on my mind,” he states, rolling his hips just like he knows you love it. “a-and i hate it.” your back arch and your mouth slip out a groan.

he thrust you against the bed with energy. heavy breathing as he fucks you right, with the dose of rage and passion you both need it. hands holding you down while he smashes into you, cock hitting you without clemency as your vision blurs while you reveled from the way his dick stuffs you. legs trembling and cunt palpitating when he stops suddenly.

his cock twitched between your walls as shudders invade you and a choked sob fill the room, right before his hands grab both of your legs and flexed them under his forearms. a pant leaves your mouth when you feel his dick burying deeper as he comes closer to you. hovering you, so now his cold chain hits your face. a tingle runs through your core and stays in your stomach when he speaks. “i want to hurt you.” walls wrapping him and squeezing his cock. “i-i wanna hurt you... —just like you hurt me.” your arms surround his shoulders and pull him closer. a sublime message you're not willing to say. «do it», instead, your eyes filled with tears, even though you can't decide whether it's from his words or the raw desire that washes you.

the muffled sound of your damp cunt every time shoved his cock filled the room, already mixed with your loud and heavy breathing. necklace subtly moving over your nose and forehead with his rough thrust. long-drawn groans at every throb of your pussy, swamped and dissolving into ecstasy.

a fire pools low in your belly, panting and quivering under his weight due to his raw and merciless pounding. translating his hands under your back to arch it so he can plow you deeper, a lashing running through your nerves when it's too much, when he's too much. “stay still.” you roar and tense your body, feeling numb and drunk of his dick finding his way in and out of you.

face contracting and a shiver sweeps him. “f—fuck.” his hand go to his under-shaft, curling his fingers around it. feeling lightwave when his thrust slows its pace and grinning to know that he's so close to cum he needs to stop. “turn around.” he lets you go, pulling out his length, twitching in his grip. creamy precum mixed with your fluids on the tip.

you press your chest on the mattress and lift your butt, resting your weight on your flexed arms, spreading your legs for him. a shaky breath leaves your lips when you feel him push himself back into you. sliding his cock all the way in while his hands look for support on your waist, arching you even more. they're removed once he fixed your position and go to each side of your body, hips meeting with a smash sound. your butt lifting so you can meet his body in the middle. “o-oh, h-yuck.” you swear seeing stars, twinkling in your vision. eyes glued to the headboard that smacks against the wall with every movement of his hips.

donghyuck fucks you harder, til your mind shuts down and you can only let out incoherent sounds. wailing and hissing because it's too much to handle, because he's driving you to the edge and not letting you go. holding yourself back because you don't want it to end. you don't want him to part away from you and left you in the dark again.

you catch every single sound he makes. drinking it, saving it in your memory. lips pressed on your ear, hearing him whining as he slow down the pace. struggling to keep it up longer. his hand going to your clit and starting to rub the sensitive area. your hips unconsciously rock against his fingers, feeling your vision foggy.

“you're mine and no one else's” he says, watching you squirm under his weight. “you belong with me. to me.” your hand reach his and you interlace your fingers while he thrusts you eagerly. with the intensity of your confessions now on each other hearts.

“h-hyuck,” you moan his name, unleashing a shot of sensations through your bloodstream. the truth told. revealed. releasing that pressure on your chest and now replaced with his words, printed in your memory.

“always.”

your muscle tenses when you feel a white noise fill your hearing. the sweet sharp burn in your area increase due to donghyuck hitting that sweet spot at every thrust. your mouth part open and your face contract with the pleasurable feeling that washes you over, dissolving you in waves and trembles that shake your whole body. your walls squeeze his cock with every throbing spasm that invades you, while you are left in nothingness, ruined and numb, in the ether. sensing his cock pulsing as he relentlessly pounds into you and suddenly stop before you feel something warm filling you up.

“s—shit.” he hisses, weighting what he just done. yet his cock is still bury in you, as the last drop of his load paint your walls. he had never nut inside you. always making sure to pull it out before he cums.

the sensation is new to you. back pressing his chest as you feel it starting to leak out of you. a little smile of joy invades you, which doesn't go unnoticed by donghuyck, who joins you. hips rolling and grinding on him, hearing the splashing sounds of your glistening pussy wrapping around his length.

the room is filled with silence, while you stand there, intertwined. until you must go to the bathroom. your reflection looks miserable but also satisfied. lightweight. suddenly the fear of what are you going to find behind the door invades you, while a hundred questions blossom within you.

will he ask you to stay?

will he let you go again?

are these ephemeral moments all that remains of you, as you hope to discover in the future that you have always been destined?

when you open the bathroom door, his eyes says it all.

εїз

your presence goes unnoticed while he is with his friends. “why a butterfly, tho?” one of them wants to know. his laughter infects the others, but he only manages to make the boy smile fleetingly. “mark, do you want to leave him alone?” says the girl, caressing his bare neck. “i think it's wonderful and romantic,” she says, “butterflies..., yes, i kinda like them.” but the boy doesn't glance at her. not once.

at the other side of the table, jisung looks at her, but she doesn't look back, instead, her eyes transfer to someone else.

emily sees you yet don't wave at you. she never invites you to join the conversation with his friends. she's kind to you because that's what she's supposed to be to her roommate. but she never talks to you, or offers to take you home, or invites you to parties. not really. not entirely.

so she stare at you before removing her eyes as if she hadn't seen you. joining the conversation once again, brushing donghyuck's hair as a attempt to get his attention. but she never received it.

you force yourself to look away and follow your course, entering the corridors of history at the library. being so self-absorbed and abstracted playing with the chain around your neck, that you hardly feel the touch that his hand makes when he passes by your side. he doesn't stop to look at you. and you don't go after him. instead, you stare at the monarch butterfly on his neck, and the sound of his voice calling you nabi softly, only for you to hear.

#haechan smut #donghyuck smut #nct dream smut #nct smut #haechan x you #♡haechan

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gracies-baby · 2 months

Text

Teasing

(Gracie Abrams x Reader)

———————————————————

Gracie wakes up to the sunlight shining through her curtains, smiling when she remembers the night before. She turns her head to look at the girl that is lying on her arm, leaving it numb. The brunette slowly pulls her arm away before getting dressed and leaving a kiss on her girlfriends forehead and walking to the kitchen, closing the bedroom door behind her.

"Good Morning" Audrey smirks at her as she sips her coffee at the kitchen counter. Gracie greets her in return as she begins to make breakfast for herself and her girlfriend.

"Have you eaten yet?" She asks her roommate, watching as she shakes her head. She pulls out enough ingredients to feed the three of them and Abby, who's coming over in a few minutes.

"So.. have fun last night?" Audrey teases as she watches her friends face turn bright red.

"What? How did you hear?!" Gracie whines as she looks to her bedroom door.

"Seriously?! ‘Oh! Oh Gracie! Please! Harder! Harder!’" Audrey mocks as Abby walks in.

"Dude.. what??"

"Nothing. She's being an idiot" Gracie replies to her cousin as she turns back to the food.

"You're so lucky you weren't here last night. They didn't stop! Well, except for about 20 minutes halfway through. What was that about?"

"Oh, you don't wanna know" a familiar voice joins the conversation. The three women turn their heads to look at the shorter girl wearing only underwear and her girlfriend's oversized shirt.

"I'm kinda curious now" Abby replies with a teasing grin.

"Babe, don't tell them" Gracie pleads as she looks at her girlfriend.

"Well, Weenie walked in" Y/n ignores her girlfriends begging.

"So? He's a dog" Audrey replies.

"Not to Gracie. Babe, you humanise that dog way too much. We really had to stop having sex because he walked into the room? You wouldn't make eye contact with me or him for like 15 minutes!" Y/n replies as she glares at her girlfriend.

"It was awkward! He just stood there! Watching!" Audrey and Abby burst out laughing as they watch their friends bicker.

"She probably didn't look you in the eye because she was looking at something else" Abby teases as she pours herself a cup of coffee.

"Why are we still talking about this? Our sex life has nothing to do with you guys!" Gracie exclaims with a bright blush on her face.

"We wouldn't be talking about it if you guys weren't so loud all the time. The night of the Spotify Grammy party was the worst. The tension was insane that night!" Audrey replies with a wide grin.

"Yeah, Y/n always did like Gracie in suits" Abby looks at Audrey as she replies.

"Or what about when Y/n saw Gracie's new haircut?"

"Okay! That's enough!" Gracie yells in embarrassment, cutting them off as she pushes the plates with blueberry pancakes in front of them all.

"Okay fine, we'll stop" Audrey replies as the group begins to eat their breakfast in silence only for Abby to gasp when Gracie leans down to feed her dog.

"Okay, I know we said we were done but look at Gracie's back!" Gracie quickly stands up and pulls her shirt down from where it had ridden up.

"Were those scratch marks?! It looks like you were attacked by an animal!" Audrey exclaims teasingly as Gracie groans and Y/n puts her head down, a blush on her face.

"Okay, I have to go to the studio. I'll see you guys later" Gracie whispers an I love you to her girlfriend before giving her a quick kiss and walking to the door.

"Gracie wait!" She turns around to look at her cousin.

"You should probably do something about those" Abby points to the brunettes neck.

"Babe! I told you I had work today!" Gracie whines as she looks at her neck in the mirror.

"You can't talk. Y/n has way more" Audrey replies as she points to her friends neck, looking at the many hickeys.

"Okay well, I don't really have time to cover them so I guess they'll have to stay" Gracie sighs before walking out of the house.

—

The three girls are watching a movie when the door is opened.

"Gracie? What happened?" Y/n asks when she sees her girlfriend walk in with an upset face.

"Aaron was just teasing me about the hickeys all day. Just cause he can't get any" Gracie mumbles the last part to herself as she wraps her girlfriend in a hug.

"If it makes you feel any better, I think they look great on you" Y/n responds with a wide grin. Gracie gives her a kiss in return. Y/n opens her mouth to allow her girlfriend entrance only for a voice to stop them.

"Do you guys want us to go?" Audrey asks with a teasing grin causing Gracie to groan again.

#taylor swift x reader #gracie abrams #gracie abrams x reader #taylor swift #fluff #jenna ortega x reader

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bedsyandco · 2 months

Text

#gracie x mark

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delicatereader · 7 months

Text

No way! (part 4) - Anakin x reader

summary: you and Anakin finally give in

warnings: smut, name calling (sweetheart, baby)

a/n: guys the series is finally finished! this is my first try at like full on smut ik it's bad but I promise I'll be better in the future. If you have any requests pls do ask! lovee💞

masterlist

➽────────────────────────────❥

The party was weird, weirder than Stephen's usual ones. You and Harry were socialising but stuck together all night as planned. All of your friends were drunk, Ben was knocked out on the spot. You and Anakin were the most sober out of all of them, but you feel the drinks slowly kicking in as the party came to a conclusion. Harry and Eli said their goodbyes and left, and so did Gracie, Tay and Ethan. Ben was sleeping in Stephen's guest room. You and Anakin avoided each other, even though you caught glimpses of him staring into your soul during the festivities. Stephen had disappeared with a mystery girl in his room, so it was your responsibility to clean up.

You started to pick up used red cups next to the moonlit swimming pool as Anakin started to started to sweep up the glitter.

Suddenly you hear some thuds on the stairs, both of you turn your heads to see two girls, walking down the stairs. Their dresses and hair were messy, they carried their heels on their hands giggling. Stephen followed them with a smug grin on his face. Oh god not 3 of them!

"Hey! thanks for cleaning up"

Before you could respond he fell on the couch, falling asleep instantly. You hear Anakin's sigh turn into a laugh

"What?" you ask

"This is just great!" He shakes his head and drops the broom on the floor, bringing his hands to waist.

"What?" you repeat stepping closer to him concerned

"This!" he looks around

"We do this every party its not the first time" you reply

"No..."

"Then what?" you step closer

You could feel his breath on your skin this point, but he takes a step backwards.

"This" he waves his finger to the space between you. You step closer to him closing the gap, you know you shouldn't do this but you can't help it. You look up at him waiting for him to say something. Something, that changes you, your body, your mind, forever. He finally brings his gaze to yours, he looked genuine. Almost vulnerable.

"We can't" he says whispers still so close to you

"What if? just what if we can?" you mutter staring intensely at his lips, which were trying so hard to hold back from yours.

"Your going to regret this" he says shaking his head before bringing his lips to yours

"We'll see" you whisper whilst he you kissing passionately. His hands were intertwined in your hair and yours in his. As the kisses grew more stronger, he wraps your legs around his waist. You grab onto his shirt, suddenly your back hits a wall.

"Sorry" he mutters

"It's fine" you reply kissing his neck

"God y-you feel good"

You feel a scarlett flush invading your face, his face was already red from your kisses.

"You don't understand how long I've been wanting to-" he cuts himself off to place a kiss on your cheek

"Do-" he kisses your other cheek

"This" he's back to kissing your lips. His lips are so soft like his hands that are traveling along the exposed sides of your body. His chest was against your almost bare ones. His hands slowly reach towards the buckle of your overalls as he tries to make marks on your neck. You breath heavily under him, making sure he knows the impact he has on you.

He tilts his head back up to kiss you more. You took this as an opportunity to unbutton his shirt. Surprisingly, he helped you with it and instantly wasted no time to undo the buckle of your overalls on the other side, revealing your underwear. You start to kiss his shoulders leaving a very faint trail of light pink lipstick to his jaw

"Y/n!" he moans in desperatation

In seconds you saw your bra fall on the messy floor, but you were too busy with Anakin's neck to acknowledge it

"Why don't we go someplace more comfortable?" he laughs under his breath, carrying you to the closest empty bedroom whilst kissing you. You found his multi tasking very hot.

"God Ani! I n-need you" you whine getting comfortable in between the sheets

"Patience sweetheart" you could feel his smirk on your stomach. He slowly goes down your stomach and slides of your overalls.

"God you're so wet for me" he whispers kissing your inner thighs, just where you like it.

"Just do it" you mutter in pain

He doesn't hesitate to take your panties off to admire your entire beauty. He starts by kissing your clit slowly already causing a commotion for you. He slides his two fingers inside of you, making you lift your hips. He slowly starts to thrust them

"Oh god!"

He uses his tongue to rub the bundle of nerves slowly. He slowly picks his pace up and moans against your pussy.

"God y/n" he whimpers

"I-Im going to-" you feel yourself close to release, you spread your legs more in pleasure tilting your head up against the headboard

"Cum on my tongue baby, come on" he encourages still keep his fingers in motion.

You feel him pull out of you slowly. He brings his fingers to his mouth licking your cum.

"You taste sweet ,sweetheart" he says looking up at you with a smirk across his face

Before you could relax he takes his pants off and hovers over your body. "Ready for the real ride?" he says winking.

"Mhmm" you moan to reply

He starts kissing you again, this time harder. He bites your lower lip before he digs into your neck again. Your hands travel his back. He rubs his tip against your clit, teasing you and himself.

"Stop it Ani!" you whine wanting him in his full glory

"Ok you asked for it" he whispers slyly

"Oh you're so-" big. big that's what you were trying to say

"Just take it in" he mutters before kissing you softly

He starts to pick up a rhythm as he sees you getting more comfortable. His hands travel your chest whilst you grab his hair in desperation to hold onto something. He thrusts harder and harder

"Oh god!" you moan

All you get as a response was a whimper. He kisses your chin and moves his mouth up and down your neck. You could feel his heavy breath on you

"Oh god Ani! I'm gonna cum" you moan, pulling his hair

"Me too..." he mutters under his panting

He starts to slow down as you both finish

"That. Was. Amazing." you say under your shaking breath as he pull himself out of you and lays next to you

"I know right..." he drags with a grin on his face.

He lifts his hand and runs it through your messy hair, looking into your eyes with nothing but affection.

#hayden christensen #anakin skywalker #fanfic #hayden christensen fanfic #hayden christensen smut #anakin skywalker fanfiction #anakin skywalker smut #anakin x reader #star wars #anakin imagine #star wars smut #star wars anakin #anakin smut #hayden christensen imagine #brother's best friend

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pink-valkyrie-writes · 1 year

Note

hi! id love to read some good junker queen smut since i cant find much! would you be open to writing hard-dom odessa? no worries if not thanks in advance!

omg first full smut👀👀 i’m excited hehe, gracie will making her debut- thank you for requesting andI hoep you like it!! <3 :)

Beg For Your Queen

-Junker Queen x fem!reader

-warnings: smut, dom!Junker Queen, sub!reader, pussy eating, use of strap on, bondage, blindfold, spanking, degradation, name calling, knife play, spit as lube, praise and aftercare at the end <3

Odessa has always had a had a soft spot for you. To her, you were her small, fragile girlfriend. The dynamic between you too showed you both as a tough and rough queen and her soft and calm partner. But you always love to show her how much you can handle.

"You remember our word, yeah?" Odessa asked you, finishing tying up the rope that held your hands behind you back. You nodded but yelped after the smack you received on your ass, "Don't nod. Say 'yes my queen'," she whispered into your ear.

Turning your head around, you smiled at her, "Yes, my queen..". Odessa smiled back, "Good girl...Now, here comes the blindfold," she said, taking the thin black cloth and wrapping it around your head to cover your eyes.

You can't see anything, but you can her get up and circle around you like a hungry shark. You felt your excitement rise as you hear her clothes and accessories drop to the floor. Feeling her nails run across your back, "Are you ready to please your queen, slut?" Your girlfriend asked. "Yes, my queen," you bit your bottom lip. The ropes that covered you torso were starting to feel hot against your skin and leave marks for Odessa to run her fingers across later. The cold floor of your shared bedroom contrasted with the heat your body produced.

Grabbing your hair, she made tilt your head up, "Do you want to eat your queen out? Taste her on your tongue?" she asked, her cunt close to your face. Close enough to feel your hot, shaky breaths against her bare skin. "Yes, my queen. I want to taste you on my tongue," you told her, seeming almost out of breath already. She pulled your face in, immediately feeling your tongue lick her slit.

Her height made it easy for you to sit on your knees and eat her out. She kept her hand firm on your head, not letting you pull away. She loved watching the way you moan as you suck on her clit. "You like have a mouth full of my pussy don't you? Filthy whore.." Odessa moaned. You pulled away for a breath and to tell her, "Yes I do, I love having my queen's pussy in my mouth," you said hurriedly, going back to tasting her.

Hearing her moan loudly was always a reward. It instantly made you wet to hear how loud she moans when you use your tongue on her. She muttered curses under her breath, slowly bucking her hips to meet with the rhythm of your tongue. Hearing her say 'fuck' or 'oh shit' was an instant turn on, especially when it progressively got more whiney as you drive her closer to climax. At this point she was riding your face, your nose bumping her clit and she rode your tongue.

"That's it, make me cum..!" she said. Her grip on your hair got tighter as she held you still to cum on your tongue. When the gripped loosened, she pulled you face back. Your cheeks were flushed and hot, chin and lips drenched in her own cum. "Now, now, don't waste it...Lick it all up," she ordered. You felt her two fingers helped collect the juices that were on your face and shoved into your face. You gagged at the intention roughness, but followed her instructions of cleaning her fingers of her own cum.

Odessa pulled her fingers away and grabbed you by the ropes of were strapped around your breast, making you stand up on your feet. You hissed in slight pain, the ropes against your back was rubbing your skin. She wasn't going to be gentle with you tonight.

Odessa laid you on you back, climbing on top of you to sit on your lap. "A special friend wants to greet ya...Come here Gracie.." She said in a teasing voice. You knew who Gracie was and how talented Odessa is with her. You felt sharp metal drag across you right breast, feeling it dragged over to the left one. You felt yourself get wet as you tried to clench your thighs together, but Odessa's larger and stronger figure stopped you.

"Such a naughty little bitch, huh? You like having a knife graze against your skin, even if it cuts you?" she asked, now dragging the blade of the side of your torse, adding the slightest bit of pressure. You yelped, "Mmm, I do! I love when you use Gracie on me..." you whimpered, feeling the knife rest on your thigh. Odessa slowly and carefully began to carve into your skin. You and Odessa have done this before, you trusted her that she wouldn't hurt you or cut too deep.

Odessa carved her initials "J.Q" making her print on you. She decided to add a heart next to the initials. She smiled to herself, 'So cute'. Odessa moved to your other thigh and simply craved "mine". Odessa moved to your stomach, carving the word "whore" into your stomach.

The stinging feeling was engraved into your body. You felt her strong figure get off of your lap, you missed her warmth. Odessa got up and grabbed the strap that was left from earlier, slipping and strapping it onto her body. She always like to tighten the harness a bit tighter, she likes to feel the strap rub into her skin and leave marks after.

"Come here.." she said. She roughly flipping you over onto your knees, head pressed into the mattress. "You ready to get fucked by your queen, yeah?" she asked, rubbing her hands over your ass before slapping her handprint into one cheek. You bit your lip, holding back your moan, "yes, my queen. I want to feel you in me..." you whined. Odessa leaned down, licking up your cunt. You moaned as she flicked her tongue against your clit. "Odessa.." you groaned, feeling another slap. She kept licking at your slit, running her tongue piercing at your clit.

You wanted nothing more than her to make you cum with her tongue, but soon she pulled away. You whined at loss of her mouth, earning a slap, "Greedy aren't ya? Nothing but a filthy slut who wants my mouth of her clit?" Odessa said, slapping your ass at every other word. You tried to ignore the stinging pain on your ass, now feeling something touch your entrance.

Odessa ran the dildo that was strapped to her up and down your pussy, "You're so wet, bet I can slide right in.." She said, dipping the tip into your needy hole. You nodded, "Yesyesyes, please put it in, my queen..! I need you to fuck me," you begged trying to push yourself down her. Just by trying that, you earned another slap.

Then Odessa spit on your cunt, "Get ready baby.." she said, sliding into you fully. You barely had time to adjust to the size before she started thrusting into you. You couldn't help yourself but moan loud like a common whore, she felt too good. Odessa watched how your ass jiggled every time you bounced back on her.

"Who's my dirty girl?"

"I am! I am, my queen!"

You felt dirty saying things like this, but it felt so good. Later you know it'll be embarrassing to think about, but not right now. The ropes were kissing your skin with burns on your wrists as you were fumbling against your restraints. Odessa grabbed you by your tied wrists, using it as leverage to help her fuck your cunt.

Your girlfriend was going so hard, you felt like she was knocking the wind out of you with every thrust. "Tell me whore, how does it feel being fucked by junker royalty?" she asked, breathing heavily.

"My queen, you feel so good...! I love how you fuck my pussy so roughly! Please don't stop!" you pleaded, feeling yourself close. The sounds you were making, your blindfold covering your sight, the slapping on skin echoing in your room, the burning feeling of your knife markings and your ropes all added to the pleasure.

She loved watching you crumbled beneath her. She decided last night to snatch off your blindfold. Your eyelids fluttered, the sudden light catching you off guard. Odessa looked into your eyes, pupils dilated due to pleasure, "Look as me when you cum, I want ya to look at me and scream my name baby..." she ordered.

Using your wrist restraints again, she pulled you up off the bed and held you close to her chest, looking down into your eyes. You could've of cried of how good you felt, "Fuck, Odessa I'm gonna cum..! Odessa!" you cried out.

She grabbed you by your face, making you keep your eyes on her while you came. Odessa helped you ride out your orgasm, "That's it, such a good girl.." she praised you, slowing down before stopping to pull out of you. Odessa laid you down on the bed gently, being aware of how sore you could be. "You did so good, babe.. Here lemme help ya," she whispered, grabbing Gracie to cut your restraints. You hummed at the feeling no longer being tied up, feeling more relaxed now.

Odessa undressed herself from her strap, leaving your shared room to grabbed ointments for your markings, water and a rag. When she came back, she immediately cleaned you up and put the ointment cream on your body.

You sat on her her lap, drank your water, and felt her fingers rub the cream into your skin, "Did I go too hard at all?" she asked, kissing your forehead. You shook your head, "No, you were perfect Dez," you smiled, leaning up to kiss her cheek. You pulled her face closer to yours, "Even then, I love it when you're rough with me," you told her, kissing her on her lips.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thank you for reading!

Likes, comments, and reblogs are always appreciated! :) <3

#overwatch x y/n #overwatch x you #overwatch x reader #junker queen #junker queen x reader #junker queen overwatch #odessa stone #overwatch smut #queen of junkertown #odessa stone x reader #junkerqueen x reader

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mirrorballhughes · 8 months

Text

i miss you, im sorry | luke hughes x adelaide hunter

based on the gracie abrams song (kindaish) and also based kinda on tsitp :) this is a drafted story im gonna post to wattpad 👀 but this is when luke is leaving UMich for good, and doesnt say anything to adelaide since the pair broke up. giving you some angst kinda😊 this is my first time writing off hand and not using tv show plots for my storyline so pls lmk if you like it and if u want more !!!

once the game finished, adelaide rushed to the dressing room to congratulate the boys for winning the game. ade stood outside watching the doors slam lightly open, the girl smiled seeing mackie and rutger walk out. the boys didnt looks so happy. “whats with the long faces? you guys killed it today!!!” the blonde girl smiled stopping the boys in their places. the two were whispering to each other ade though she might of heard, “she doesnt know?” “he didnt tell her?” come from the pair. before she could ask mark, ethan and duker came out with the same look on their faces. the rest of the team exited the dressing room. adelaide looked at the team, not seeing that curly hair she still adored. he always stuck out to her. ‘for adelaide, luke is the sun. and when the sun comes out, the stars disappear.'

“wheres luke?” the boys looked around at each other, mark took a step up closer to the girl. “he just left dells. you didnt know? hes leaving for jersey tonight.” the words simply didnt sound real to her. why didnt luke say anything to her before he left? her hand started shaking, the 43 jersey on her back was itchy. she didnt feel real. sure the pair broke up, but the girl always thought it was mutual. they couldnt not just stop being friends, their families being friends they were always connected almost like a single thread of gold tied them together. “how long ago.” the words came out inbetween shaky breaths. “just now. addie you might make it to him.” ethan smiled grabbing the girl’s shoulders in hopes that would make her feel better. “move out of the way!” ade pushed through the group of boys and started running down the corridor. tears were hot and falling from her face.

her footsteps got louder. her ears were ringing, she heard other footsteps behind her knowing the team was following her. this damn jersey was making her so itchy. adelaide wants the best for her boy, but she wished he could’ve said goodbye to her. she was his biggest supporter. even still wearing his jersey to their games. after they broke up, she loved seeing face when he realizes whos jersey she was wearing. it warmed her up inside. but now this jersey was making her ill. she looked up seeing his curly hair, she stopped in her place as she felt like she was gonna be sick. all the blonde wanted to do was say “i miss you. i just want my boy back.” but she knew that couldnt happen.

I MISS YOU

luke had just left the dressing room. he finished saying his goodbyes to his teammates. he was gonna miss playing with his friends, but the NHL was his dream. the curly haired boy kept walking down the corridor saying goodbye to the people walking the other way from him. he couldnt bring himself to say goodbye to his girl scratch that not his girl, but she will always still be his girl. the boy was surprised she showed up wearing his jersey. he thought she wouldve asked mark for his or anyone else on the team. but even when they werent talking she still wore his jersey loud and proud.

loud footsteps approached him. “LUKE!!!” he knew that voice all too well. “WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME.” that made him stop in his place. luke shook his head and kept walking. the footsteps followed, adelaides tears fell quicker. he could tell she was crying, he cant give an reaction. he doesnt want to be a dick, but he knows once he turns around hes gonna pull addie in for a hug, pick her up and kiss her. leaving UMich was hard for him just because of her. he missed his girl. luke just wanted addie back with him in his arms, watching some dumb movie as the girl can recite it with like back of her hand. the way she looked in the morning. going out for breakfast. her watching him and the boys practice.

the no contact with each other was unbearable. the lingering tension was crazy. the ex couple both could pounce on each other in any minute and kiss each other so passionately. ade stayed in her place looking at the boy who stood still like time stopped. she wiped her eyes in hopes he would speak. “lu, are you gonna say anything?” her voice broke. luke felt so shitty, but he knows this is for the better. he would stop everything for adelaide hunter but his dream is standing in the way of the two. he wants to leave UMich but if he even looks at the blonde he would just cave in and chase right after her. “ill see you at the lake house el.” and with that luke hughes opened the doors, walked out tears forming in his eyes. he blinked a few times in hopes they would go away.

IM SORRY

“LU.” adelaide chased after him, getting stopped by mark. the taller boy pulled her into his chest, holding her face as he watched the hughes boy walk away from UMich for good. “dells you okay?” he pushed hair out of her face looking down at the girl. “no.” adelaide let go of mark and took that jersey off, leaving her in her blue long sleeve she had on under it. she looked down at the jersey, her fingers ran down the numbers and his name, as tears welled in her eyes. “come on. im sure he will reach out soon.” mark wrapped his arm around his shoulders, walking to where the rest of the group was. “we can see him on the big screen too ade! this is his dream. i knew he meant well.” duker pulled the girl out of marks arm and hugged her. “its gonna work out in the end. just trust me.”

#luke hughes #luke hughes x reader #luke hughes imagine #new jersey devils #umich hockey #luke hughes x oc #luke hughes oneshot #luke hughes fanfic #fanfic #oneshot #nj devils #mark estapa #ethan edwards #dylan duke #luke hughes blurb #adelaide hunter #i miss you im sorry fanfic #joss writes

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matthewkniesys · 10 months

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LA - trevor zegras x famous singer!reader au

a/n: so every time gracie plays a new show at the eras tour i'm making an edit for it (since shes the face claim) so here you go!! we are here!! it's the last leg of the usa eras tour and that means y/n's last show!

trevor zegras x famous singer!reader

yourusernameofficial

Liked by @/ taylorswift, radvxz, abbyweiser and 704 304 others

yourusernameofficial - okay so where to start... i don't even know. this has been the most amazing summer and the best experience of my life. i'm so grateful to have gotten this opportunity and i cannot begin express how i'm feeling.

thank you to @/taylorswift for your friendship, your guidance, and for letting me be a part of your amazing tour. getting to see you preform every night was the most magical thing in the world.

thank you to all the amazing crew who helped run this show because it could never have been possible without you.

thank you to everyone who supported me, especially my mom, my dad, my best friend bea @/radvxz, and to you guys who were there with me every step of the way.

thank you. i will forever be thinking about this.

Tagged: @/ taylorswift

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taylorswift - 💙💙💙💙💙

↳ fan17 - 5 BLUE HEARTS WHAT ARE YOU UP TO TAYLOR

↳ y/n#1fan - 👀

*view 16 457 other replies*

trevorzegras - so very proud of you and so extremely happy to have been beside you for this journey 💙

↳ yourusernameofficial - 🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍

↳ fan283 - WAIT trevor was travelling with y/n???

↳ y/nfan3 - probably not cause we probably would've seen him at more than just the 4 shows he was spotted at

↳ fan17 - trevor with a blue heart too??? and y/n with 5 hearts??? you guys are killing me

radvxz - bestie i love you, you are stunning, you are amazing, you deserve the world and i am so proud of you 💙

↳ yourusernameofficial - bestie i love YOU, YOU are stunning, YOU are amazing, YOU deserve the world and i am so proud of YOU 🤍

↳ fan17 - NO MORE BLUE HEARTS I CAN'T

fan1989 - i love you y/n i'm so happy i got to see you on the best night of my life

*yourusernameofficial liked this comment*

jamie.drysdale - my best friend

↳ trevorzegras - nope y/n is my best friend

↳ yourusernameofficial - nope jamie's my best friend not you trevor

↳ radvxz - what about me??

↳ yourusernameofficial - you are my ride or die forever, my sister

↳ radvxz - i won

jack.hughes - honestly seeing y/n and taylor live in one night was the best experience of my life

*yourusernameofficial liked this comment*

trevorzegras

Liked by @/ yourusernameofficial, jamie.drysdale, jack.hughes and 403 945 others

trevorzegras - recharging after the best experience of y/n's life

Tagged: @/ yourusernameofficial

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fan17 - awww they're together

fan3 - can't be convinced they aren't dating like people usually recharge by themselves but they want to spend time together so badly they are doing it together

jamie.drysdale - me not being there is honestly the biggest loss

↳ yourusernameofficial - agreed

↳ trevorzegras - disagreed

↳ jamie.drysdale - honestly y/n should just ditch trev and come to canada

↳ yourusernameofficial - looking at tickets rn

↳ trevorzegras - uh no you're not... i'm trapping you here with me

↳ yourusernameofficial - jamie save me

fanaccount8 - coffee date perhaps??

*trevorzegras liked this comment*

jack.hughes - i love y/n so much, like literally the coolest person in the world

↳ yourusernameofficial - factsss

y/nfan6 - they are gonna hard launch in the next month mark my words

thanks for reading🫶requests are always open for fics, blurbs, ig edits and just thoughts!!

taglist: @woodruff-edwards @nicohischierz @makarhughes @cobrakaisb @huggy-hischier94 @boldysswld@cole-mcward48@kashee-h@kjohnson-91 @jackhues @corneliaskates @imma-mirrorball @hvghes @emptyflowerpots @h0e4fictionalme-n @ivy-34 @jayisamirrorball @diary-of-jj @estapa94 @whenjasfallsinlove @sammiejane22

join my taglist

#claires aus #trevor zegras x famous singer!reader #<- au tag #trevor zegras x reader #trevor zegras #x reader #nhl imagine #trevor zegras imagine #jack hughes #cole caufield #alex turcotte #claire tries writing <3 #fake ig edit #social media au

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sonnetsoncanvas · 1 year

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Mess it up : pt 4

Summary: Years ago he had let you go for your own good. But this time, he isn’t sure he can

Part of the Mess it up series

Pairing: brother’s best friend rock star Bucky x fem reader (Steve’s sister) (dual pov)

Warnings: MINORS DNI, SMUT AHEAD, masturbation (M & F), fingering, vibrator, overstimulation, bondage, choking kink, possessive bucky.

Inspired by: Mess it up by Gracie Abrams

Notes: This is the first time a fic has made its way from my laptop to the internet. So please be kind and do leave your feedback. Happy reading!

We could make it better, breaking every habit.

Bucky POV

“You like that, don’t ya baby?” Bucky grunted in your ear; his voice unrecognisable to his own. You moaned loudly, the melody of that beautiful sound echoing through his apartment.

“Bucky…baby…please, pleaaaase…..oh my god.” You blabbered. Bucky was sure you had lost control of your mind. He had never seen you this vulnerable, this submissive. You had trusted him enough to take down all your defence and give yourself to him, a fact that warmed his soul even in through his lust filled haze.

He shifted his focus on your swollen clit, wet and slippery after being thoroughly abused for hours by his mouth and the little pink vibrator he had bought for the very purpose of turning you into the mess you are right now. He kept his fingers curled inside you to reach that one spot that made you squeal and kept on moving it achingly slow, just enough to keep you within the reach of your release, but not quite much to give it to you.

He was, after all, punishing you.

“Where’s that smart mouth now, huh, doll?” he mocked, his eyes sweeping over your stunningly ruined form, his mind not believing it was him who had done this to you.

“bucky please…. Sorry..aaah…..please I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” You chanted it like a mantra to placate your man, to convince him to give you what you so desperately need. You arched your back, tugging on your tied hands, beckoning him to kiss you.

“I don’t think you’ve learned your lesson yet, pretty baby. I think you need to be reminded who owns this perfect pussy, no? I’m the only one who could make a mess out of you. the only one who can see you this way. But here you are, going around, giving people the impression that they can be in my place, giving you everything you want.” He bent down to lick the sweat off your neck, sucking another bruise to the already marked area, still angered by the way boys were ogling your ass at the afterparty today. He knew that you were fair game to them, considering that your relationship with him was a well-guarded secret. Still his heart burned with envy when they hit on you openly, in a way he never can.

And you, the minx you were, flirted back with them, knowing how this would mess with him. He had almost stalked to the boy, shoving him into his place (which was away from you, obviously). Thank God for Steve, who had glared on the boy enough to melt him to the ground. You, however, had simply smirked at Bucky, daring him to claim you.

And here he was, claiming every inch of you. kissing, sucking, marking it.

You mewled prettily, wriggling your hips to get some friction, making bucky chuckle. He gave in then, increasing the pressure on the vibrator, finger fucking you faster until you gave out a prolonged moan, your pussy fluttering and squirting, soaking him. And God above, he knew that this must be what heaven would be like.

“My sweet, sweet girl, did so good for me.” He murmured reverently as he untied your wrists and kissed the red marks. “My best girl, my girl, my doll.”

“FUUUUUUCCCK” Bucky growled, leaning all his weight on his metal arm, his flesh one jerking his dick roughly. A couple of more strokes and he came violently, his release smeared all over his hand and the bathroom floor, before flowing down the drain.

He sighed, disappointed and dissatisfied. Jerking himself off, as surprisingly common as that was for him, was never enough. He was always left feeling empty inside, no matter how much he tried.

It was to rid himself of this emptiness he had been with other women, trying them on as clothes to see if they could fit the void of your absence. It was wrong of him to do that, he knew it. But all of those hook ups were just that, transactional sexual encounters where they traded orgasms and went home.

He could not classify them as relationships, even if the media or his friends seemed to refer them that way. Where was the emotional connect, the understanding, the long conversations, the longing. Bucky never felt an iota of what he felt with you with anyone else, a fact that had frustrated him initially. Now, it was just a fact he had accepted resignedly, that he would never fall in love with anyone the way he fell for you.

He was toxic bastard. Unfair to all those women who tried their best to live with his brooding ass. He had apologised to them much later, telling them how sorry he was for his emotional unavailability. Some forgave him, some still hated him.

Ultimately, he circled back to this, taking care of himself while thinking of you. this was what he’d done for all the time he was apart from you, nevertheless who was in his bed or if he was alone. He simply reminisced of the times you were together or imagining what he’d do to you if you were there with him. And great heavens, there were so many filthy, debauched things he would do to you, if only he could.

Your reappearance in his life had spurred him on in a bizarre way. It was like he was a teenager again, constantly horny. But it wasn’t even horniness that was driving bucky crazy. It was a strange longing for intimacy, to be intimate with you. to touch, taste and smell you.

Two days ago, he had almost gotten that. Bucky hadn’t meant to cross any of the unspoken boundaries set by you, but the moment he sensed you in peril his primal intuition to protect you had taken over, pulling you towards him.

that singular moment brought him more peace than anything had in the past five years. Everything just felt…right.

It felt wrong, how right this situation felt. His heart had grown so used to the cold, that warmth the seeped through you felt foreign, alien. And he’d jerked back, ending what was the best thing to happen to him in oh so long.

Trust bucky to mess it up.

He cleaned himself up and dressed, pulling on a pair of grey sweatpants that used to make your beautiful eyes wide. He smiled at the memory, walking out in the living room where he sensed you. it was natural to him, his heart finding where you are before your eyes could even locate you. you were sitting next to Steve, having an intense conversation from the sound of it. As he entered the kitchen, Steve hollered “Hey Buck! Y/n accidentally made some extra French toasts. They’re by the stove”

His heart stumbled a bit. He immediately refused to believe that you made a calculation mistake. You who had been cooking since you could reach the countertop, you who hated wastage of any kind and was so cautious of every spoonful. You did not ‘accidentally’ cook something.

Maybe you had noticed his feeble attempts at cooking. Maybe you still remembered he loved your French toasts. Maybe he should shut up and just eat.

He grabbed a plate and sat on the couch opposite to you guys, paying close attention to the topic of conversation. Turns out it was Steve convincing you to live with him.

“Steve I am not going to live with you and your girlfriend if I get the job. I am literally twenty four!” exasperation was evident in your voice, which bucky picked on. Your brother however, did not.

“Fine. At least get a place nearby. How about in our building? I’m very sure the apartment downstairs is empty ever since that emo guy moved out….”

You only chuckled at your brother’s naivete. He had to be doing this on purpose, no one is that dumb. “There is no way in hell I’m going to be able to afford living in this neighbourhood on an associate’s salary! Not all of us get a million dollars at our first gig!” you were trying very hard to retain your composure, but your body was betraying your annoyance.

Bucky had never butted between the two of you before. But this time he felt it was his responsibility to knock some sense into his foolhardy best friend.

“Steve, man, she’s a person in her own right. She has proved over and over again how capable she is of living on her own. I don’t think its right to be dictating your terms like that. If she needs help figuring stuff out, I’m sure she knows she can come to us anytime.”

The minute he said that, bucky’s entire body tensed with feeling of your eyes on him. You had looked in his general direction since he sat down, but now you were looking directly at him. His face warmed with awareness.

Steve was apparently pacified , his arguments reduced to a disgruntled grumble as he collected the plates and ambled towards the kitchen. And bucky was now alone with you in the room.

You turned your head and looked into his eyes “thank you for taking my side. I didn’t need you to, but I guess he needed to hear that from someone that wasn’t me.”

It was like the speech function of his brain stopped working. Say something damnit

“it was nothing. He’s missed you that’s all.”

“And I’ve missed him, but this is bordering on overbearing.”

“Steve had always been overbearing when it came to you, don’t you remember what happened when that emo boy hit on you?”

And that’s how the first real conversation between the two of you in the past five years began, ranting about Steve’s occasional misdemeanours. Which in turn started a conversation about your interviews (which he was elated to hear went great), which in turn started a conversation about his last tour and next album’s preparations.

Before he knew it you were both laying the past four years bare in front of each other. And bucky felt like he could finally breathe again.

You bath talked for what felt like an hour but was in reality three, only to be separated when sam dropped by to drag him to gym. He’d bid goodbye to you with a smile, and what made him giddy was that you smiled back too.

That day bucky did an extra hour workout, just because it felt like his heart was pumping extra blood in his veins in jubilation. He also wanted to replay every bit of the conversation in his head before it faded away.

Afterwards, as he ambled to his car with aching feet and burning lungs, all he could think was, “I can spend the rest of my life like this.”

Reader’s POV

As Bucky got up and left for gym, glaring at Sam as if he had snatched his favourite toy from him, he’d taken a moment to smile down at you

And it paralysed you. completely halted time. And turned it back to five years ago, when you had seen it for the first time.

Out of sheer courtesy you’d smiled back at him, you told yourself. That your smile had got nothing to do with fact that you genuinely enjoyed talking to him.

That you never wanted to stop talking to him.

you walked to the washroom to do your night time routine with a strange sense of relief, the sort you hadn’t felt for years.

“good.” You told your reflection in the mirror with toothbrush in your mouth, “now we can be amicable acquaintances rather than awkward exes. Makes things easier for me.”

“I mean now I have nothing holding me back from accepting the New York offer, right?” you debated with no one with particular as you disrobed for shower.

But as soon as the first spray of hot water hit you face, all your inhibitions melted to something primal. You closed your eyes and the highlights of the conversation played out in your head in slow motion.

His unfiltered smiles. His compassionate eyes. His long silken locks. His veined, tattooed arms. His long, ringed fingers

Damn his long, ringed fingers.

They had been your undoing long back, just like they were now.

Your own fingers travelled down your body to the one place that was aching for that blue eyed adonis.

It had frustrated you for so long that your brain will only ever conjure up Bucky’s image whenever you tried to masturbate. No matter how hard you tried, it was always him. His fingers, his tongue, his cock. You tried listening to erotic audios, reading the filthiest eroticas, watching porn, but no avail. You blamed it on the fact that your body had only known his touch. You never allowed yourself to become physically involved with anyone after him, and there was no one before him. It was and has always been just him.

But now your brain did not need any extra aid to make you imagine his fingers pressing on your clit and his other hand, preferably the metal one, caressing your breast, gently tugging and teasing your already hard nipples.

Soon his fingers would slowly probe your entrance, just circling it with his index until you begged him to enter your pussy. He had always been a jerk like that, making you beg, scream and squirm before giving you your sweet release.

With two fingers fucking your fluttering pussy, and his palm pressing on your sensitive clit, he would climb up and take you heavy breasts in his mouth, sucking them viciously, leaving his metal arm free to choke you just enough to make you delirious.

His rings would drag against your walls, his palms maintaining that insistent pressure on your clit, while he continued to whisper the obscenest things to you, the cool metal of his arm contrasting your overheated skin.

It wasn’t long before you clenched around your fingers as a shuddering orgasm washed over you. your eyes water and you sank down to the floor, panting, while warm water still poured down on you, washing away the evidence of your arousal.

Arousal that was the result of a mere conversation with this devastating man.

You were utterly and truly Fucked.

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes imagines #bucky angst #bucky barnes x reader #bucky fanfic #bucky headcanon #bucky imagine #bucky smut #bucky x female reader #steve and bucky #bucky x reader #bucky barns #bucky fluff #fanfic #avengers fandom #bucky barnes smut #bucky #sebastian stan smut #sebastian stan character

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