#guys not everyone wants to herd sheep

[sehnsuchts-trunken]

Jake Seresin And The Unfortunate Hat Situation

jake seresin x fem!reader 3k words

summary: You’re visiting Jake’s family in Texas for the first time and so far, it’s been going well. Just that Jake may have forgotten to mention the hat rule. 

another cowboy fic because i fucking can

disclaimer: strong allusions to smut. im not kidding. this is basically straight up dirty talk all the way through

a/n: i’m warning you once about all the inaccuracies in here and thats it. read at your own risk. i have literally no clue whatsoever about texas and/or cowboys and did not have it in me to research cowboy history for hours on end, like- i tried, okay? i really did try. i know facts about cowboy hats now that i never felt the need to know (though “dont sleep with your cowboy hat on”, um... yeah? thanks? i totally would have done that otherwise) but i still do not have the information to back this shit up lmao

top gun masterlist

(yes i did have to use an everybody wants some gif. during the past week ive rewatched this film more times than i can count and i will take every opportunity i get to talk about it)

“Enlighten me”, you chuckled, spreading your arms, a bottle of beer in your right hand. “Why are none of the cowboys wearing cowboy hats? Isn’t that kind of their thing?”

You were visiting Texas for the first time - a week off of work, away from the Navy and the Dagger Squad for a bit, to meet Jake’s friends and family back home. You’d talked to most every one of them over the phone whenever he had found the time to call, but you’d never actually met them in person before this. So it had been an adventure from the start: getting on a plane in San Diego to take you to Texas where Jake had grown up, being picked up at the airport by his mother, driving two hours to the farm they owned (”You grew up on a farm?”, you’d asked when he’d told you, wheezing at the mental image of teenage Jake herding sheep), meeting his dad, being surprised by both his sisters, getting to see his childhood bedroom. 

And then, to top it off: the sound of his alarm at the crack of dawn this morning to go teach you how to ride a horse. 

Needless to say that you’d been buzzing with nervous energy for the past few days. Not that you weren’t happy - it was just all a bit much at once. 

After lunch he’d taken you into the city and you’d gone shopping for some real cowboy boots. He’d planned to take you to a bar in the evening, to introduce you to some friends. After all you only had a week here and neither of you felt like missing out on something. 

When you’d wanted to try cowboy hats in the store too, Jake had snatched them from you and grabbed your hands, pulling you close to him, telling you that you’d get one when you’d become a real cowgirl. Since you doubted that would ever happen, you’d pouted and tried to convince him with kisses and, when that hadn’t worked, half-hearted threats, but he wouldn’t be persuaded even the slightest. He’d only looked down at you with raised eyebrows until you’d caved and satisfied yourself with cursing under your breath. 

So here you were: Cowboy boots, jeans shorts and a button-up and no cowboy hat in sight. 

Actually, there was one in sight. Jake was wearing his, in all his Texan glory, laughing with some of his friends at the bar. The thing was, he was the only guy wearing his hat. There were some cowboys strutting about with them on their heads, but most of them didn’t have one - hat hair, yes, but no hat. Hence your initial question: “Why are none of the cowboys wearing cowboy hats?” 

“Shit, Jake didn’t tell you?”, Kendra - one of Jake’s only female friends here, who’d immediately decided she liked you and pulled you to one of the tables for some girl talk - let out a laugh. “No wonder it’s still on his head. We were getting worried already.” 

It was pretty clear to everyone that you weren’t from around here, so you saw no reason to hide your confusion.

“Now you’ve lost me entirely. What?”, you asked, masking your frown with a laugh. You’d been here for hardly two days and you didn’t think you’d felt as embarrassed ever before. You knew about literally nothing. At least you’d done somewhat well at horseback riding, which could’ve been because of Jake’s arms around you and his hands over yours as you - he - held the reins, but either way you were proud of yourself for not falling off and landing on your ass. 

“It’s like this: Ladies didn’t wear hats for a really long time. Cowboys wore the hats. So when you saw a lady with a cowboy hat on - that was her man’s. A sign that she belonged to him. Property shit and all.” She waved it off as if dismissing the concept. “Changed over the past few decades, of course. Better that way too. Ladies can wear whatever they want now. But the thought kind of stuck. You see a guy without a hat, he’s probably taken. You see a girl with a hat, that’s probably her man’s. And before you ever steal a hat, you should know the hat rule.” 

You raised your eyebrows. Your stomach did weird little flips as she talked. Jake hadn’t explained any of this to you. 

“The hat rule?”, you asked. Kendra grinned and leaned in, pretending to let out some big secret. 

“You wear the hat”, she said and paused for a second for dramatic effect, “You wear the cowboy.” 

You breathed out. 

“Oh.” 

Oh my ass, you thought. 

Jake hadn’t let you buy your own hat for a reason. And then he’d gone ahead and not given you that reason. What the actual fuck. 

You would’ve loved to wear his hat. You would’ve loved the thought of him claiming you like that, letting you wear his hat, showing everyone that yeah, you were Jake Seresin’s girl. But no. He’d left you completely in the dark, hadn’t let a single word slip. And he was still wearing that goddamn hat himself. 

Like a single fucking guy, not a man in a loving relationship.

Somehow, now that you knew, you were more annoyed by the fact that he was wearing it than that he just hadn’t told you at all. God, he could’ve left it at home. He could’ve taken it off. He could’ve just put it on your head without telling you why if he didn’t want to. 

And right there, that was the part you just didn’t understand. Why hadn’t he told you? He should have known you well enough by now to realise that you would absolutely adore wearing that hat. Not only because you wanted to wear a hat (which you did) but also because you wanted to wear his hat (which you did even more). After all, it wasn’t only him claiming you - it was you claiming him as well. And as horrible as the history of that hat rule was, in this present day you felt like it would only have been fair of him to tell you. You wanted to have that chance of showing him off. Of him showing you off, which he did so happily back in San Diego. 

“Hey”, Kendra said, her expression a bit more serious as she put a hand to your arm and pulled you from your thoughts. “I’m sure Jake didn’t mean to hurt you. He may seem like a bastard, but he’s actually a real sweetheart.” 

You snorted at her, nodding along. 

“He is”, you agreed. “Which is kind of why it hurts even more. I don’t get why he wouldn’t just tell me. It’s not like he’s ever been scared I’d say no to him or something.”

Kendra smiled and squeezed your arm reassuringly. 

“Try not to worry about it too much. Just ask him when you get home later, yeah? Communication is key.” Her smile turned into a grin. She winked at you. “And hey, you can always wear my hat if you’d like.” 

You forced yourself to smile as well as you took a sip of your beer. “If I actually were single, I’d definitely take you up on that offer, but I’m not, and I don’t think Jake would like it much.” 

Her grin only deepened. She had dimples, you realised, and the hat on her head matched her eye colour. You were glad to have her here with you. She was someone you were sure you could become good friends with over time. 

“That makes it even better”, she said conspicuously. She leaned back in her chair, crossing her ankles over the edge of the table as she tipped her hat back. “He never told you about the hats. You don’t know anything in his eyes, honey. Use it against him.” 

There was a twinkle in her gaze that told you she was looking for nothing short of mischief and you had the distinct feeling that she’d been the ‘bad influence’ on Jake in high school that he’d talked about so often. She seemed like a troublemaker. But she also seemed genuine. And she was right - in Jake’s eyes, you were getting to know one of his friends, talking about some girly stuff (which he probably assumed was himself), having a nice night. Not learning about cowboy customs that he’d just so forgotten to mention. 

Jake usually didn’t get jealous. He trusted you the same way you trusted him. But he got possessive nonetheless - always with a hand on your back when you were talking to someone he thought was flirting with you, kissing you at the most inappropriate times, making sure that everyone knew you were his. Now he’d had the goddamn chance and hadn’t taken it. And you didn’t fucking know why. 

But you were damn determined to find out. 

Kendra slid the hat off her head and offered it to you. You took one deep breath before you reached for it. 

You let your fingertips skip over the rim for a moment. Were you really about to do this? Then you put it on your head. 

Alright. If Jake wasn’t going to tell you about the way this worked on his own accord, you’d make him tell you. 

Kendra emptied her beer and you followed suit before the both of you got up. She grabbed both bottles in one hand, turning to you to send you another of those winks. 

“I’ll bring these back to the bar and get us new ones. The dancefloor’s all yours.” 

With a nervous smile, you adjusted your newly aqcuired hat and made your way onto the dancefloor. There was soft music playing in the background - country, of course, loud but not loud enough to disturb conversation. It wasn’t late enough for that just yet. Which was honestly a relief, since you had zero clue whatsoever about line dancing or whatever it was they did down here. This way there were only a few couples twirling each other back and forth and some people moving to the beat all on their own. You let out a breath and closed your eyes, allowing yourself to really feel the music: the guitar, the steady drums, the vocals. 

Slowly, you started swaying - from one side to the other, turning, twirling, one step, then the next, heels here, toes there. A grin was making its way onto your face. The music grew, not as much in volume as in pace, and you didn’t know just when you had started to forget about everything except your movements (like the people watching, for example), but then the song changed and you gasped as you realised you knew it. Eyes fluttering open, hands coming together to clap, lips twisting into an actual laugh as you sang along, catching Kendra’s gaze and waving her over. 

She joined you with a laugh, grabbed your hand to twirl you around, and god, her voice was heavenly. For just a split second you wondered how Jake hadn’t ended up falling for her. You certainly would have. 

And speaking - more like thinking, but whatever - of the devil, you felt an all too familiar hand on your shoulder. You turned at the same time that Kendra let go of you, allowing you to admire your boyfriend in all his furious glory. 

Not that he actually looked furious. Not to anyone but you, not with that facade he wore whenever anyone got under his skin. But you, well... You’d been with him long enough to understand that twitch of his jaw, that tension in his shoulders, that flicker in his eyes. And yet - the cowboy hat still sat on his head. 

“I got it from here, Kendra”, he said, eyes fixed on yours, as you held your breath. She snorted, but still made to move away, muttering something under her breath that you didn’t catch. Then Jake spoke again. “Take your hat, Kendra.” 

He grabbed it from where it rested on your head and threw it at her without looking away from you. She sucked in a breath. 

“If you throw my hat again, I’ll kick your ass, Seresin”, she said and you could tell that even though they were friends, she wasn’t kidding. Shit, the people here were really fucking serious about their hats. Another reason why you were mad at Jake for not telling you about any of it. 

“Next time, don’t set it on my girl’s head”, he growled - growled, really, you didn’t know what else to call it. She scoffed and walked off. 

“How could she know I was your girl?”, you whispered, challenging him even though he already looked like you’d crossed some line that he’d drawn without telling you. “How could anyone?” 

For a few moments, he kept quiet. You defiantly stared up at him. Should he think whatever he fucking wanted to, this was entirely his fault. 

Then something changed in his expression. 

“You found out about the hat rule”, he said, “And the first thing you did was go and put on somebody else’s.” 

“Well if my boyfriend doesn’t want to have me wear his hat-” 

You couldn’t react as quickly as Jake had gripped you by the waist and pulled you close to him, forcing you to tip your head back to keep looking at him. He was, in fact, so close now that you could just kiss him and honestly, you were tempted. Just as tempted as you’d been when he’d come out of the bathroom looking like that, just as tempted as you’d been when you’d left the house, just as tempted as you’d been in his truck. But you were also stubborn. And you had good reasons not to kiss him right now (even though they were getting harder and harder to remember by the second).

“Darling, I’d go wild for you with my hat on.” 

You swallowed. Hard. 

“So why am I not wearing it?”, you asked through gritted teeth. You couldn’t quite believe just how easily this whole situation was getting under your skin. But it seriously hurt your ego - and not just that. The fact that Jake hadn’t told you about something so important in his hometown, some, as ridiculous as it may be, piece of culture, something that would so clearly show everyone that you were dating him, really, actually, seriously dating him, stung more than you wanted to admit. It was like someone had asked him outright if he was taken and he’d said no. 

“‘Cause I told you to wait”, he drawled, “Didn’t I? Wait ‘til you’re a real cowgirl.” 

Curiosity and frustration were mixing in your stomach, a weird, dangerous combo. You grabbed for his collar, pulling on it just a bit too hard - nothing he couldn’t stand his ground against. You were feeling insulted by all this and you found that you should let him know. 

“What’s a girl like me gotta do to become one in your eyes, hm, Hangman?” 

Hangman. You only called him that when you meant business. It was like a mother using her child’s full name whenever it got in serious trouble. Jake stiffened, fingers digging into your hips so firmly that you were sure you’d be able to see the marks in the mirror later on. You’d hit a nerve. Always did when you called him by his callsign. No more Jake, no more baby, none of that. 

“Behave”, he said, eyes fixed on yours, that one word carrying so much more meaning. You didn’t care. For once, you really didn’t fucking care. You wanted him riled up, wanted him furious, wanted him right at this breaking point. So you smiled.  

“Like a dog?” 

He’d smashed his lips on yours before you could react. 

All teeth and tongue, decisive, possessive, angry. You didn’t want to give in as quickly as you did. But he hardly left you a choice - he was everywhere, arms wrapped so tightly around you, chest pressed so firmly against yours, not giving you the option to escape, to duck away, to tease him any further. So instead of doing that, instead of making him run after you more, you let him have the control. All of it. Instead of turning, instead of making him chase you, you pulled him close to you by his collar with all the force you could manage, pulled him into you, pulled him with you as you stumbled backwards from the sudden change of weight, put your entire trust in him to keep you upright. You couldn’t breathe. You didn’t want to if that meant letting go. 

Not with how much emotion you were putting into this fucking kiss. 

Jake was the one to break away first. Pupils blown, cheeks reddened (you were sure you looked even worse), panting. You loosened your grip on his collar and ran a hand through your hair instead. 

Somewhere in the back of your head, you remembered that you were still in a bar, still in the middle of the dancefloor, still under the watchful eyes of his friends. A different part was screaming at you to fuck it and fuck him right here, right now. 

“Shit”, he breathed, resting his forehead against yours. His hat let a shadow fall over both your faces. “You’re gon’ be the death of me someday.” 

“Hopefully not too soon”, you teased, a smile playing on your lips as he pulled back just a bit. “I still gotta find out how to become a cowgirl after all.” 

The corner of his mouth quirked up as well. He raised his eyebrows, examining you for a second. 

“You really wanna know, sweetheart?” 

You let out a laugh. “Fuck yeah.” 

He leaned in close, breath ghosting over the shell of your ear, and you had to swallow. This felt intimate, somehow. 

“You’re gon’ be a cowgirl once you rode your cowboy.” 

Your breath caught in your throat. He pulled back with a grin. Smug, you realised. He was so fucking proud of himself for this - for having caught you off guard like that. You couldn’t let him win that easily. Not with that already inflated ego. 

“All of this just to get me into your bed?”, you chuckled. “Damn, Seresin. Lotta work for no reason, hm? I’m in it at the end of every day anyway.” 

He shrugged - as best as he could with his hands still on your waist. 

“What can I say? I aim to please.” 

You couldn’t help but grin too. The angry, sizzling tension had dissolved into something much more pleasant, much more dizzying. Something that set your skin ablaze and your mind on fire. You grabbed one of his hands from your waist and intertwined your fingers with his. 

“Want to get out of here?”, you asked. He leaned in and kissed you with a smile - slow and steady and sensual, wholly different from before. 

When he pulled back, you were breathless again. 

“Always.” 

#top gun #x reader #top gun x reader #jake seresin #jake seresin x reader #hangman #hangman x reader #jake hangman seresin #jake hangman seresin x reader #cowboy fics

[aspoonofsugar]

Chuya's Tainted Sorrow

Here comes a meta on my favourite bsd character:

Chuya is mostly explored in the two BSD novels Fifteen and Storm Bringer, so this post covers what happens in these books. In particular, I am going to use Chuya's song, gift and literary references to explore his story.

DARKNESS MY SORROW

Darkness My Sorrow is Chuya's character song and its title combines two different literary references:

Darkness comes from the Sheep Song, which is used to trigger Corruption:

O acquaintances, grantors of dark disgrace, do not wake me again!

Sorrow comes from Upon The Tainted Sorrow, which gives its name to Chuya's ability

Let's discover what these two poems represent.

CHUYA'S DARK DISGRACE (THE SHEEP)

O expectations, stale and dismal airs, leave this body of mine! I want nothing anymore but simplicity, quiet, murmurs and order. O acquaintances, grantors of dark disgrace, do not wake me again! I will endure my solitude, arms seeming already useless. O eyes that open doubtfully, open eyes that stay motionless for a while, ah, heart, that believes in others more than itself, O expectations, stale and dismal airs, leave, leave this body of mine! I enjoy nothing anymore but my wretched dreams. (The Sheep Song, Part II)

The Sheep is Chuya's first group, which welcomes him in as a child. Why is the organization called after this animal? There are several reasons, which tie with Chuya's relationship with his friends.

1 - Chuya is a herding dog

The Sheep's members are normal kids, but Chuya guards their territory and punishes trespassers violently. This is the behaviour of herding dogs, which are famous for their aggressiveness towards outsiders.

"Everyone's waiting for you to give this enemy a beatdown! That's the only way we Sheep can protect our turf! We've only made it this far because everyone knows they can't mess with us!" (Shirase in Fifteen)

2 - Chuya is a sheep among wolves

"Chuuya's got all that berserk firepower, but here he's like sheep getting stared down by a wolf." (Dazai in Fifteen)

Chuya's relationship with the Sheep is exploitative and toxic. The other kids use Chuya's love and wish to belong to control him. All in all, Chuya is used as a pawn for the organization's well being:

"We Sheep took you in when you had no family and nowhere to go, but you already gave us more than enough in return. That's why... it's time to rest... after dying and contributing to the Sheep one last time." (Shirase in Fifteen)

3 - Chuya is the King of the Sheep

Luois I, King of the Sheep is a children book about a sheep, who finds a crown. He puts it on and becomes King. The point of the story is that Luois I is like other sheep, but chance and a superficial attribute turn him into a royal.

Chuya sees himself in the same way:

"I'm not a King," the boy, Chuuya Nakahara, spat. "I just happen to have something no one else does: power. I'm simply fulfilling the responsibility I have." (Fifteen)

Chuya's "crown" is his gravity manipulation gift that sets him apart from others. He even calls it a "good card", so something luck gives him.

Luois I lets the crown get to his head and believes he is above others. Chuya instead really wants to be part of the flock:

Chuuya wasn't anyone special; he didn't have a skill, either. He was just a regular member of the group. He wasn't the king, he had no powers, he wasn't the center of attention - he was simply a single Sheep among the flock, chatting with his friends. (Chuya's wish in Storm Bringer)

However, his ability is so powerful that it is the Sheep kids, who forget Chuya is a teenage boy just like them:

"Chuuya's covered in wounds. I've never seen him like that. He looks just like a regular guy my age. Wait, no - he doesn't just look like one. He is my age. He's a boy just like me." (Shirase in Storm Bringer)

In short, Chuya doesn't want to be the Sheep King, but he is forced into the role by the crown of power:

"Shut up! If you think you can become king, then do it! You can have this power!" Chuuya howled, unable to take it any longer. "To hell with power! If I didn't have this skill, I'd still be with you guys...!" (Storm Bringer)

Still, gifts are metaphors of the characters' interiority. So, what does Chuya's abnormous skill symbolize? What is the real flaw that defines Chuya's relationships and gets in their way?

"Once there was this boy who could amplify the skill of anyone he touched. Super convenient. So what do you think would happen if he used it on himself instead of someone else? (...) He amplified the skill to amplify the other skill, which amplified the skill to amplify skills that amplify skills. This self-referencing continued nonstop as he endlessly amplified his own skill." (N in Storm Bringer)

Storm Bringer reveals that the origin of Chuya's gravity manipulation is the gift to make other skills more powerful. The user applies his gift on himself and makes it stronger and stronger until infinite energy is created and space warps. So, Chuya's singularity is born: a gift able to control gravity. In other words:

The original ability is to make others stronger

If the ability is used on one-self (so that the wielder can become more powerful and make others even more powerful), then a contradiction arises and a monstruous skill appears

This process is a representation of Chuya's tendency to grow stronger for others' sake. He hones his fighting skills to protect the Sheep (to make them stronger), but this turns them too dependent on him (an organizational vulnerability). What a good leader should do is instead to nurture his people, so that they can be independent and strong:

“A leader is both the head of the organization and the organization’s slave. For the survival and the profit of the organization, they gladly put themselves through any manner of filth. They develop their subordinates and place them where they best fit. And, if necessary, they use and dispose of them. For the sake of the organization, they take on any act of barbarism with glee. That is a leader. All for the organization, and for the protection of this beloved city.” (Mori in Fifteen)

This is Chuya's mistake and the reason why the Sheep disbands. Chuya falls short as a leader not because he isn't as smart as Dazai or Mori (if anything, I think he is going to be a better leader than both). Rather, he fails because he doesn't know how to depend on others:

"It's because you are our friend. Were things different with the Sheep?" They had been. That was what Chuuya's flustered expression was saying. Everyone in the Sheep depended on him. The contrary was unthinkable. (Storm Bringer)

He insists on doing everything by himself, but a leader should work with his subordinates. This is what Chuya lacks in Fifteen and what he sails up to learn.

Still, to succeed Chuya needs to face the origin of this flaw, which lies in how he perceives himself:

O eyes that open doubtfully, open eyes that stay motionless for a while, ah, heart, that believes in others more than itself

Chuya sees himself as inferior to others. This complex makes him willing to be used, if it means he belongs somewhere:

LONELY DARKNESS MY SORROW, once it is opened by the key I'd rather just fall than go back to being alone Staring at the destroyed cage of this self, (GRAVITY) Slowly, I sing, "Not bad at all."

This is the key stanza of Chuya's song, which reveals what Chuya's darkness really is. Loneliness. Chuya is scared of being alone, so he does his best to conform to others' wishes. For example, he dresses like those around him not to stick out.

Chuuya, age fifteen - He wears sportsy clothes, with several sheep symbols:

Chuuya, age sixteen - He wears a formal attire with much black in it. Perfect mafia-style:

However, he can't escape his interior pain, which metaphorically manifests in Corruption:

O acquaintances, grantors of dark disgrace, do not wake me again! I will endure my solitude, arms seeming already useless.

It is not by chance that the verses, which open Chuya's gate affirm the poet's solitude. That is because deep down Corruption is just this. Chuya's isolation.

THE TAINTED SORROW (ARAHABAKI)

Upon the Tainted Sorrow, Today, the snowflakes fall so harsh. Upon the Tainted Sorrow, Today, even the strong wind gusts. The Tainted Sorrow is Just like a fox’s hooded fur. The Tainted Sorrow is Covered by snowflakes and it cowers. The Tainted Sorrow has Nothing to desire and nothing to wish. The Tainted Sorrow has A dream of death to its wary self. Upon the Tainted Sorrow, Trembling like a pitiful soul. Upon the Tainted Sorrow, Nowhere to belong, the sun sets... (Upon The Tainted Sorrow)

Corruption is a state where Chuya gives up his body to Arahabaki. What is this entity? In universe, it is a singularity, a self-contradicting skill able to create infinite power. It metaphorically represents two things:

Everyone's objectification of Chuya

A part of Chuya himself

1 - Chuya's life is defined by others reducing him to a skill

-N and the Government kidnap, abuse and clone Chuya because of his self-contradicting gift. It is not the two kids (the original and the clone) they are interested in. Rather, they reduce them to their special abilities:

"Just like how we respect your will, we respect the will of your skill Arahabaki, as well. But... how should I put this? Your will is tying Arahabaki down, and as long as your will is firm, we won't be able to remove Arahabaki from you." (N in Storm Bringer)

N says it oudloud. He respects Arahabaki's will more than Chuya's. Except that Arahabaki has no will:

"Sigh... Why do you wanna see it so bad?" Chuuya said. "It doesn't have a personality or a mind of its own, so what's meeting' it gonna do for you? You gonna pray to it because it's a god? It's a god of destruction, y'know. Nothing more than a mass of energy. It's no different from a typhoon or an earthquake. Ya might as well pray to a power plant." (Fifteen)

Arahabaki is not a person, but the embodyment of Chuya's gift. And yet, it is given a name and treated as more important than the kid.

-Rimbaud literally wants to turn Chuya into a skill:

"Allow me to reintroduce myself. Rimbaud. Arthur Rimbaud. My skill is called Illuminations. Chuuya, my goal is to kill you and absorb you into my skill" (Rimbaud in Fifteen)

He doesn't want to kill Dazai because he hates murdering children. And yet, Chuya is Dazai's same age. However, Rimbaud sees him as nothing, but Arahabaki's host.

-Verlaine wants Chuya to be his clone:

"I dunno about you, but I'm human." "You aren't human. You're 2,383 lines of code." (Chuya and Verlaine in Storm Bringer)

He denies Chuya's humanity and insists he is an artificial creation. Chuya can't be the original kidnapped child, but needs to share Verlaine's origins and hate for the world. Verlaine doesn't consider his brother a person, but an extension of himself.

2- Arahabaki is Chuuya's inner beast

In psychology, the beast is a personification of one's deepest and most repressed feelings. What are Chuya's?

His control on gravity suggests two strong emotions:

a) A lack of freedom - The ability to control gravity should make one freer. And yet, Chuya is always chained:

Even though it feels like I might be trapped, there is no room for sentiments I'll push myself to the limit and dye everything jet-black The world is a bird cage, faded in colour Even if I lament, I can't get out of this prison

He spends his childhood imprisoned in a lab. He is used as an attack dog by the Sheep. He is threatened to join the mafia with his friends' lives and Rimbaud's secret files. In a sense, he always serves someone. That is why Arahabaki is a servant deity.

b) A huge existential weight - He can make things lighter, but he still shoulders too much:

"Tell me, tin man," Chuuya suddenly stated, his voice devoid of all emotion. "Why did they die?" "Because of you, Chuuya." Silence. "Yeah, it is my fault." (Chuuya and Adam in Storm Bringer)

For example, Chuya blames himself for what happens with the Sheep, the Flags and later on Adam:

"What's wrong, Chuuya? Everyone's going to die at this rate. You're going to kill them. Your shortcomings are going to kill them." (Verlaine in Storm Bringer)

Chuya fears whoever gets close to him dies. That is why Arahabaki is a god of destruction.

Points 1 and 2 explain Chuya's loneliness. On the one hand others only see his skill (objectification). On the other hand Chuya doesn't see himself (struggle with the beast).

Arahabaki is a god whose origins are uncertain, so nobody understands it. Not even Chuya:

'In languor dreams of death' … who was the one that said it?

In the song, Chuya wonders who is the author of his own poem. This shows how disconnected he is from himself. He wears a mask of violence and bravado to hide his vulnerability. Still, this fragility emerges every time he lets Arahabaki out. Here comes the interpretative key of Chuya's character...

Arahabaki is nothing, but the Tainted Sorrow of the poem:

Upon the Tainted Sorrow, Today, the snowflakes fall so harsh. Upon the Tainted Sorrow, Today, even the strong wind gusts. The Tainted Sorrow is Just like a fox’s hooded fur. The Tainted Sorrow is Covered by snowflakes and it cowers.

The tainted sorrow is a fox covered in snow, while the wind howls:

Black snow began fluttering around Chuuya. Red scar-like runes crawled across his skin. He ignored the law of physics, hovering in the sky, as he glared down at the beast on the surface. Intense heat caused by the gamma radiation filled the air. The night was scorched, and the scenery warped. (Storm Bringer)

Arahabaki-Chuya is described as a tailed-beast and the anime shows he is similar to a fox. Moreover, he is covered in black snow, while his gravity powers manifest a strong wind.

The rest of the verses convey Chuya's feelings:

The Tainted Sorrow has Nothing to desire and nothing to wish. The Tainted Sorrow has A dream of death to its wary self. Upon the Tainted Sorrow, Trembling like a pitiful soul. Upon the Tainted Sorrow, Nowhere to belong, the sun sets...

Interestingly, the fox and the setting sun come up in Storm Bringer:

The video showed a golden coin. One side was engraved with a fox, the other with the moon. It was beautiful yet somewhat melancholy. (Storm Bringer)

The young Chuya repeats Upon the Tainted Sorrow while playing with a coin that has a fox and a moon on its sides.

The literary metaphor becomes clear. The Sheep Song is the key to open the Tainted Sorrow's gate. Chuya activates Corruption through verses, that state his loneliness. He says them, when he is ready to face the darkest part of himself.

WHAT IS CHUYA?

The Tainted Sorrow has Nothing to desire and nothing to wish. The Tainted Sorrow has A dream of death to its wary self.

The Tainted Sorrow dreams of death, which means Chuya is suicidal.

This is why he is both drawn and repulsed by Dazai:

"Your birth itself was a mistake. We're the same. Is there really a point to suffering through all that pain for a life that isn't even real?" The voice was taunting him. "Shut up," Chuuya spat, but even he knew he was talking to himself. "Screw you, Dazai." "That's just proof that you at least somewhat believe what I'm saying. Because deep down inside, you're the same as me." (Storm Bringer)

Dazai is the Chuya, who regrets being born and wishes to die. Still, he is also the Chuya, who wants to live, despite it all:

Chuya quietly stared at Daai's expression as if he were searching for something human deep inside of him. "So you're saying... you want to live now?" "I wouldn't go that far," Dazai replied with a resigned smile. "Maybe I won't find anything, but I figure I'll give it a try." (Fifteen)

The Tainted Sorrow wishes nothing because it isn't a person. Chuya fears he has no will of his own because he isn't human:

Chuuya Nakahara didn't dream. For him, waking up was like a bubble emerging from within mud. (Storm Bringer)

This fear is why Chuya's friendship with Adam is so important.

Adam is a an artificial creation, like Chuya. He is even called after the Frankenstein monster. He is a robot programmed to destroy himself for the sake of his mission:

"This is the real reason why an android was sent, instead of a human detective. My core, which now contains state secrets, will be incinirated along with Verlaine." (Adam in Storm Bringer)

Adam is a person, like Chuya. He is even called after the first man. He is a friend, who chooses to sacrifice himself for a loved one:

"I get to protect you. I couldn't ask for more." (Adam in Storm Bringer)

Dazai and Adam are linked to life and humanity, which are the main themes of Chuya's arc in the novels.

They both get to keep on living together with Chuya:

Dazai curled into the fetal position and screamed, "Dying with Chuuya? Anything but thaaaat!!" (Storm Bringer)

"Would you like to hear an android joke, Master Chuuya?" (Adam revealed as alive at the end of Storm Bringer)

Fittingly, Storm Bringer ends with the three of them together and alive. Chuya loses several friends, but by the end he still has two bonds. Two people who survive their friendship with him.

Even more importantly, Dazai and Adam both care about Chuya's humanity:

"Chuuya's gonna kill N at this rate and lose his humanity, but I want to see him suffer as a human. That's why I have to stop him" (Dazai in Storm Bringer)

"Do you know whether Master Chuuya is human?" I was curiously hopeful that he would know the truth. (Adam in Storm Bringer)

Not only that, but they help Chuya finish his arc and find himself:

Then what is a soul? My friend's final words... What if those words were merely the words of a soulless command? So what? (Chuya in Storm Bringer)

Dazai gives Chuya a choice and Adam helps Chuya make it.

Dazai believes in Chuya's humanity more than anyone else:

"You sound like you're certain he's human." "I am." Dazai sighed, smiling. "There's no way I could hate a man-made character string this much." (Storm Bringer)

N, Shirase, Rimbaud and Verlaine all reduce Chuya to a skill. Dazai instead sees Chuya as his own person. Sure, he finds Chuya annoying, but he is the only one, who interacts with Chuya for who he is, rather than what he can do.

Adam realizes Chuya is human no matter his origins:

"Asleep or not, he is just an ordinary human," Chuuya replied indifferently. "his skill is strong, but that's it. He gets mad, he worries... That doesn't seem to be enough for him, though." "You are exactly right. It appears you have reached the conclusioin you needed to arrive at." (Chuya and Adam in Storm Bringer)

The Flags, Verlaine, Dazai and Chuya himself are focused on uncovering Chuya's birth. Is he the original kid or the clone? Discovering the truth is everyone's goal. Still, by the end Adam realizes Chuya's nature doesn't matter. He is Chuya either way. He is the person who teaches Adam about humanity. He is Adam's first friend.

Thanks to both Dazai and Adam, Chuya finally faces himself and activates Corruption. Not only that, but Chuya's final choice to let Arahabaki out is a perfect example of how he interprets freedom:

Even though it feels like I might be trapped, there is no room for sentiments I'll push myself to the limit and dye everything jet-black The world is a bird cage, faded in colour Even if I lament, I can't get out of this prison BUT NOW, DARKNESS MY SORROW I have not yet fallen apart So, as I laugh off this imposed inconvenience Let's overturn even the heavens and the earth (GRAVITY)

Chuya is trapped in many ways and he knows it. He is given a gift he doesn't want and he is forced to join an organization he dislikes. And yet, he makes all these "imposed inconveniences" his. Chuya accepts the "card he is given" and uses it the best he can.

He combines his gift with martial arts, so that it really becomes his own ability:

He finds his own motivation to work for the mafia:

"I chose to join the Mafia on my own, and I'm never gonna be your lackey, much less your dog!" (Chuuya to Dazai in Fifteen)

He doesn't open the gate when N forces him, but he chooses to on his own terms.

It is really not by chance that in Chuya's first big fight in the manga, this happens:

Chuya claims there is no choice, but he is still the one who decides to activate Corruption. Even when trapped, Chuya always pushes forward and plays the hand he is dealt with passion. Even if he is unsure of who he is, he lives on as himself.

WHO IS CHUYA?

Chuuya took off one of his leather riding gloves and gazed at his hand. This is my hand, he thought. (Storm Bringer)

Chuya is a person. He has always been, no matter if he is the original or the clone. He feels pain, happiness, surprise. He is able to bond and to empathize with others. All of this makes him human. Not only that, but all of this makes him Chuya.

It is interesting that by the end, many people who objectify Chuya, recognize his personhood.

Shirase sees him as the teenage he is and saves him

Mori traps Chuya in the mafia, but is touched by Chuya's passion and loyalty:

Both Rimbaud and Verlaine eventually see who Chuya is:

"Chuuya, you already possess strength and talents all your own, separate from Arahabaki. You are strong not as a god but as a human being." (Rimbaud in Fifteen)

"Does that mean... you do not yet resent the world?" "There's people I hate, but not all of'em," replied Chuuya. "I know better than to try and live a solitary existence. You used to feel the same, right?" Verlaine didn't respond. It was as if his silence itself was his answer. (Storm Bringer)

And tell him to live on:

"Chuuya... can I... ask you... a favor?" "What is it?" "Live" Randou said in almost a whisper. (Fifteen)

"Chuuya-live." (Verlaine in Storm Bringer)

Chuya manages to inspire all these people. At the same time, he is inspired back by them:

I was blessed with wonderful friends. That's all. I could have been in your situation, and you could have been in mine. (Chuya to Verlaine in Storm Bringer)

He integrates all his loved ones in who he is:

He (probably) imitates Hirotsu's habit to wear gloves and to take them away, when he is getting serious. This mannerism partially substitutes his practice to fight with the hands in the pockets

He is given his motorcycle by Albatross and keeps it as a memory of the Flags

He wears Verlaine's hat, which is really a gift from all three Chuya's key parental figures:

1- Rimbaud creates it for Verlaine

Once Verlaine puts on the hat, the fabric lining acts like coils, deflecting any external command sequences that could tamper with his mind. In other words, the wearer can control command sequences at will. With this hat, Verlaine is one step closer to becoming a human with free will. (Rimbaud in Storm Bringer)

2- Verlaine passes it down to Chuya

"You really like that hat, huh? That was his, right?" "Yeah, I'd rather not wear my brother's hand-me-downs, but it's got some pretty useful functions." (Shirase and Chuya in Storm Bringer)

3- Mori gives it to Chuya as a gift when he joins the mafia

"What's the hat for?" "It signifies your acceptance into the Mafia," Mori explained with a smile as he stood facing Chuuya. "Whoever recruits a new member into the organization usually looks after them as well. It's custom to gift the new recruit with something they can wear as a symbol of that bond." (Fifteen)

As a result, Chuya's hat is an object full of symbolism:

Within the darkness, a shadow of a hat lightly dances.

It is both shadow (a shadow of a hat) and light (within the darkness, it dances). On the one hand it is the key to Corruption, so to chaos. On the other hand it gives Chuya the power to control this chaos to an extent.

It is both what grants Chuya's free will and what threatens his autonomy:

It describes Chuya's bond with Mori, which is contradictory. Mori blackmails Chuya to join the mafia and controls him. He also offers Chuya a family (heart) and an insight on leadership (mind).

It represents Chuya's bond with Rimbaud and Verlaine, who are Chuya's literary parents, as their real life counterparts inspired Chuya Nakahara's poetry. In general, Chuya's past lowkey alludes to the true poet's one, at least metaphorically.

Nakahara Chuya is born in a rather wealthy family and forced by his father to pursue medicine studies. However, he discovers poetry when he is 8 years old and his younger brother dies. Later on, he rebels against his father's education and is inspired by Rimbaud and Verlaine's works. He imitates both their poems and their dandy life-style.

Similarly, BSD Chuya finds himself trapped until he is symbolically awaken to literature (break out of the lab) by Rimbaud and Verlaine. Here, his poetry (Upon The Tainted Sorrow) is set free and Chuya is reborn:

Those newborn cries filled the outside world in the form of flames. The raging flames brought destruction to the surface for as far as the eye could see. And thus, " " was born. (Fifteen)

Interestingly, Chuya is 7 or 8, when Rimbaud and Verlaine arrive in his life. Moreover, his survival and freedom come at the cost of his other self (his clone/the original Chuya). Just like Nakahara Chuya's first poem is the result of his grief for his brother's death.

In other words, Chuya is Rimbaud and Verlaine's literary child. He is what their bond leaves behind. This is why initially they both strongly project on Chuya, but eventually let him go. Isn't it normal for a parent to see themselves in their child? And isn't it normal for the child to imitate the parents to an extent? And yet, the child is his own person. Just like this, Chuya is strongly defined by both Rimbaud and Verlaine, but he is growing into himself:

"It's okay. The Port Mafia is my family now" (Chuya in Storm Bringer)

So, who is Chuya? It's easy, really. He is a Port Mafia Executive (and probably the next Port Mafia boss). Right now, he needs to define his role within the organization and outside Mori. As a matter of fact, Mori is Chuya's third father, so to become an adult, Chuya needs to outgrow him. Just like he did with Rimbaud and Verlaine. Only then, he will truly choose who Chuya Nakahara is.

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #chuya nakahara #nakahara chuya #chuuya nakahara #nakahara chūya #bsd meta #bungou stray dogs meta #my meta #chuya is so rich #i actually cut several things #like his bond with both mori and dazai or his set-up to be a leader #oh well #hope it is still enjoyable :)

[irrelevantwriter]

Heart = Kiss

Pairing: Eddie Munson (Stranger Things) x Female Reader/You

Rating: Fluff, SFW

Warnings: Language, bullying, mentions of blood sacrifice, unrequited feelings, mutual pining, soft brown eyes (just an all around good time)

Word Count: 2718

Summary: As a member of Hellfire, you know Eddie. He isn’t really a risk taker. But he’s about to change all that. 

A/N: Eddie my beloved has taken over my life. And I have no ragerts. Hope you guys are down to clown because I have a series in the works. I seriously cannot be managed. Anyway, I love Eddie as a soft boy. I love him as a nervous, fidgety, snarky cinnamon roll so that’s what I’ve made him. So, enjoy and share with your friends! Feedback is that good shit.💗

Disclaimer: As always, reader inserts are true reader inserts. If you find any specifics in regards to reader’s appearance, kindly let me know and I will fix that.

Disclaimer: Characters are of age in my fics.

**Check out my other Eddie fics here

*Masterlist in bio.

***********************

“It’s just a delay. Not a cancellation,” Dustin explained, desperately seeking back up on the matter.

The group, including Wheeler, looked on helplessly, knowing the odds of Eddie pushing his campaign back were slim to none.

“You know Eddie’s never gonna go for it,” you said with a shake of your head.

“Yeah, but-,” Dustin started up again, only to be interrupted by Jason Carver and his herd of sheep. All of them wore the same letterman jacket. They looked like poster boys for the conforming youth of the USA.

It was creepy as shit.

“Well look who it is boys…the freaks.”

You rolled your eyes at his unoriginal greeting. The rest of your group did much the same, unimpressed with their tired forms of harassment. It must be slow in the entertainment department for them today.

Jason took the seat at the head of the lunch table. Eddie’s seat. The leader of your club wasn’t present yet. But he would be. And he wouldn’t be happy about the unexpected visit.

“What do you want?” Gareth sneered at the Ken doll replica currently sitting with them.

“Just wanna see what hellish and atrocious shit you freaks are up to today,” Jason said with a smirk, resting his elbows on the table as if he was making himself comfortable.

“What the hell is this?” Came Eddie’s voice from behind the group of basketball players, cutting to the front and seeing Jason sitting in his spot. He looked around at your faces and could see it wasn’t a pleasant interaction.

“Munson, nice of you to join us. We were just getting the inside scoop on what you and your band of freaks do.”

Eddie rolled his eyes, recognizing the game that was being played.

“Why don’t you boys head back to the locker rooms and jerk each other off or something?” Eddie threw back, not at all affected by Jason’s words.

“Only if she’ll come,” one of the basketball players pointed at you, eyes moving over your body in a way that made you recoil.

“Fuck off,” you bit back, flipping him off. You were pleased to see his eyes narrow and his jaw clench. You’d pissed him off.

“You heard the lady,” Eddie said, stepping between you and the pervert. “Fuck. Off.”

Jason stood suddenly and bypassed Eddie, getting into your personal space. You kept your cool. You weren’t afraid of them. You’d seen worse than these idiots. You’d been through worse. Anything they said or did would pale in comparison to the kind of life you’d already lived.

“Wouldn’t you rather be with us at the game tonight than slumming with these nerds?” He nodded to the table. Your friends. “We’ll even look past the unfortunate wardrobe.” His gaze roamed over your body, making a show of inspecting your outfit.

Everyone’s eyes were wide and waiting for what you had to say. You could see Eddie fidgeting. He didn’t like confrontation. But you’d seen him step in where it counted with Jason and his band of idiots.

You smiled, a big one so that everyone knew it was fake. You gestured with your index finger for Jason to move in closer. Like a moth to a flame, he did. Because at the end of the day he was a boy. And boys were weak when it came to girls. Freak or not.

You whispered, but it was still loud enough for the rest of the group to hear. “I prefer the virgin sacrifice we have planned for tonight. But you should come. You could be our honorary guest. I bet your blood is delicious.”

Jason reared back, a look of disgust on his face. Behind him, you could see Eddie smirking, hiding a laugh behind his ringed fingers. Around the table, snickers and puffs of muted laughter filled the tense silence.

“Fucking psycho,” Jason spit out, fear clearly passing over his features.

He was too easy.

You winked at him as he motioned for his sheep to follow, shoulder bumping Eddie along the way.

“Keep your freaks in check, Munson.”

Eddie only held his hands up, clearly tickled by the interaction. They left with nothing else left to say.

As soon as the group of guys were far enough away, the entire table erupted into laughter and excited chatter.

“Holy shit!”

“That was fucking amazing!”

“Did you see his face?”

You giggled, feeling sheepish about garnering so much attention. Eddie finally sat down and slow-clapped, his eyes taking you in with an expression you’d never seen before.

“All hail our princess of darkness,” Eddie teased, bowing towards you in a silly show of mock worship. The others joined.

“Fuck you,” you playfully retorted, shoving him.

“That was great.” He said, tone more serious.

You could see he wanted to say more, but he was cut off by Dustin.

“Eddie…my man…I have something to propose.”

************************************

You laughed as you gathered up your things, the night ending on a high note. Erica Sinclair had come through and defeated Eddie’s monster, shocking everyone. Including Eddie.

It was a celebratory occasion and you were looking forward to going to Curly’s for burgers and fries with the rest of the group. Turns out, everyone had plans. An unexpected surprise because usually no one had shit to do after campaign night.

“What’re you doing after?” Eddie asked, the room emptying as everyone dispersed.

You shrugged as you pulled your bag onto your shoulder. “Probably just grab some food and go home.”

“I’ll come with.”

You stopped walking and turned to look at Eddie, the both of you nearly colliding into each other. “But I thought you had plans?”

It was his turn to shrug. “It’s not important.”

That was all he offered. So you nodded and smiled, happy to have the company.

He opened the door for you with a flourish and insisted on driving to Curly’s. You acquiesced as long as you got to pick the music. He agreed. Albeit hesitantly. You both had nearly an identical taste in music, but sometimes you surprised each other.

You both were more alike than you’d initially realized. Your tastes in movies, shows, and music were alarmingly similar. You both enjoyed making the other laugh with stupid jokes and sarcasm. You often fought off the oppressive norms of high school by fighting back. You both projected tough exteriors, but beyond that there was softness. A real human with emotions that extended beyond being angry or comedic. There was sensitivity. And understanding. You liked to think it was why you both were so connected. Not because of the superficiality of your likenesses, but because of the hardships life had chosen to throw at you. That despite it all, here you were. Still rocking out.

The beginning notes of Ace of Spades by Motörhead filled the space and a look of satisfaction crossed Eddie’s face at your choice.

You watched out the window at the passing scenery, hearing him tap his fingers to the rhythm on his steering wheel. You thought about your time in Hellfire and how you’d finally found a place you belonged.

It hadn’t been easy in the beginning. Even though it was the 80s, many of the guys side-eyed you for being a girl interested in D&D. After you’d proven them wrong, it was still about you being a girl. Just in a different sense. Some of them didn’t know how to talk to you. They were intimidated.

You laughed to yourself when you thought about the time your mom accidentally shrunk your Hellfire shirt. It was normally a large fit on you. And you preferred it that way. But you’d gone to your D&D meetup that night with the shrunken shirt on. It was as if no one had realized you were anatomically a female until they saw your tits being hugged by the cotton. Even Eddie had seemed taken aback. It was a memory you could laugh about now though at the time you’d been embarrassed.

Eddie’s driving pulled you back into the present as he whipped into the parking lot of Curly’s Burgers. You sent a glare his way, but he only smirked in response.

“Every time I ride with you I swear it’s the last,” you huffed out, getting out of his van and meeting him at the door to the restaurant.

“A small risk,” he teased, opening the door for you.

Curly’s was basically abandoned. Everyone from the game had long since passed through. Eddie offered to pay so you found a table outside. It was off to the side, more secluded than the others.

You thought about Eddie’s sudden decision to join you. You guys were close, sure, but he’d never really jumped at the chance to hang out with you alone like that before. He was usually still a bit guarded around you. You chalked it up to being a girl in a mostly male setting. A majority of the group didn’t really know how to talk to the fairer sex. There was awkwardness abound. But the longer you were around, the easier it got. And soon you were just another one of the guys.

Except with Eddie.

He never really treated you like one of the guys. But he also wasn’t throwing himself at your feet. He had his moments though. He flirted in his own way. You’d been the target of that supposed flirting many times seeing as how you were the only girl in Hellfire. But you also saw the way he looked at some of the other girls at school. And you weren’t them.

In return, you’d thought about him in that sense plenty of times. Wanted him to want you in that way. But in the end you always convinced yourself that it was best he didn’t. For what reason, you weren’t entirely sure.

“Alright, double cheeseburger with everything, fries, and a chocolate milkshake. M’lady,” Eddie announced as he set the tray of food down on the table.

You both dug in, keeping casual conversation as you rehashed the night. Before long, the burgers and fries were picked apart. All that remained were the milkshakes.

“What you did today was very metal by the way,” Eddie said after a moment. When you stared at him in confusion, he continued. “With Jason. You were brave. And that’s metal as fuck.”

You laughed around your straw and shook your head. “I just did what I always do. Sometimes those assholes have to be reminded that not everyone worships them.”

He nodded, traces of his strawberry milkshake on his lips.

“You’re braver than me,” he confessed.

“That’s not true.”

“It is. You’re a take no prisoners kinda chick and I like that. I wish I was more like that,” he admitted, his eyes downcast to the many rings decorating his fingers.

You were speechless. You’d always thought of Eddie as someone who was brave. He was his authentic self in a place that didn’t like or really allow that. How much braver could someone be?

“You are brave, Eddie. Everyone thinks so. The guys…they look up to you. They practically worship you,” you affirmed, happy to see the corners of his mouth lift up.

“And what about you?”

“What about me?”

“You look up to me?” he dared to ask, voice hesitant, as if afraid of the answer.

You played with the straw in your cup, thinking about his question. You could tell he was trying to play it off as if he was joking, but behind those soft orbs you could see a desire to know.

You weren’t quite ready to bare your soul.

“In my own way,” you offered with a teasing smile.

He accepted your response with a hard knock of his knuckles against the table top, a boyish grin on his lips.

“I’ll take it.”

*********************************

You sighed as soon as Eddie put the van in park. You were back in the Hawkins High parking lot, your car just feet away. You were just about to reach for the door handle when Eddie stopped you.

“I-uh,” he stumbled over his words, suddenly looking nervous. You turned to face him, giving him your full attention. “I wanted to thank you for what you said earlier. About me being brave. It, uh…it meant a lot.”

He finally met your eyes, the sincerity in them evident. You forced yourself not to make a joke. Eddie was being vulnerable and the least you could do was respond in kind. No matter how uncomfortable his words made you. Or his gaze. Because the more he looked at you, the more you realized he was looking at you. You thought it’d been a fleeting thing, but his eyes were definitely zeroing in on your lips. Your hands began to sweat at the notion.

Surely he wasn’t thinking what you thought he was thinking?

Was he?

“Well, I meant it. So you’re welcome,” you responded lamely.

You weren’t sure what he wanted from you at that moment. He was being weird. And not his normal brand of weird. It was throwing you off, making you feel things that you’d long ago buried.

The silence stretched on, suddenly making the moment awkward. Eddie’s eyes still danced between your face and his hands, as if trying to decide something. His gaze lingered on your lips again. That was the last straw.

“Eddie, if you’re thinking about kissing me then you need to just do it now because the lon-,”

You were cut off by his lips. They enveloped yours. Warm and soft. It was clumsy at first as he tried to angle your chin while reaching across from the driver’s seat. But after a moment you both found an equilibrium.

Kissing Eddie was nothing like you’d thought it’d be. He was gentler than you’d anticipated. His hands shook, his touch tentative. You reached across and cupped his cheek, wordlessly telling him you wanted this. Wanted him.

It felt like hours, but only seconds had passed when you both pulled apart. Your chests were heaving as you both sucked in air, taking in the other person. Limbs were still entangled even though your lips no longer touched. He’d tasted like the strawberry shake he’d had, the flavor still lingering on your lips.

“That was…,”

“What was that?”

You both spoke up at the same time. You were trying to figure out what the hell just happened while Eddie wore a goofy smile on his face. You detached from him completely and waited, hoping he answered your question.

“I wanted to kiss you. I’ve wanted to do that for awhile,” he confessed, the uncertainty not as prevalent.

“You have?”

“Yeah. But I didn’t wanna make shit weird with Hellfire and stuff. And I didn’t want you to think I was just interested because you were the only girl,” he hurriedly explained, hands moving with his words.

“You’re not?”

“No,” he said with a shake of his head, seemingly exasperated by your inability to catch up.

“What made you decide? To kiss me?”

“I saw inside your campaign folder earlier.” He answered with a conspiratorial gleam in his eye.

“Okay…” you drew out, still not following.

“You had everyone’s names listed. And beside each one was an asterisk. Except for mine. It was a heart.”

You blinked, not believing what you were hearing. “You kissed me because of a heart?”

“No. I kissed you because I finally knew you wanted me to.”

His expression was nearly manic as he explained how he’d come to the conclusion that you liked him. It was just like Eddie to only make a move when he knew it would work in his favor. He wasn’t as big of a risk taker as people thought. But in this scenario, he was right on the money.

You laughed, unable to hide the range of emotions you now felt. Joy. Shock. Confusion. You were still in disbelief, but the heat that radiated off your lips said otherwise.

Eddie Munson kissed you.

Eddie Munson liked you.

“Hey, do me a favor…,” you started, laughter dying down as you began to lean over the center console.

“What?” he whispered, looking as I’d he’d follow you to the ends of the earth if you asked him.

“Kiss me again.”

And he did.

#eddie munson #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson imagine #stranger things

[pencilpat]

Sanders Sides: College AU - Part 7

Part 1 | Previous Part

“I meant it when I said I wouldn’t mind being your weirdo forever, y’know,” Remus says quietly. “Whatever that means, I want that.”

Janus squeezes his calf and stares up at her water-stained ceiling. “Well, if that’s the truth, then you’re not going to be weird alone, at least there’s that. Fuck it, I’ll be your weirdo forever too.”

“You may now kiss the bride,” Remus says jokingly. It makes them both laugh, even if it’s not entirely a joke[...]

We see a brief moment in a long friendship. Virgil has a bad day. Patton lies and then realizes they can't for much longer. Janus and Remus have a good day, and maybe a good... forever. Whatever 'forever' means in college.

[CW: manipulation, implied homelessness, panic-induced dissociation, lying to friend/partner, gender dysphoria]

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Remus lays upside down on the concrete barrier separating the school’s flower garden and the sidewalk boredly. He’s chewing gum sloppily, biting off tiny chunks from the whole and spitting them onto the concrete so that students will step in it.

“Ugh, nasty,” his friend Janus speaks beside him, her face both grossed out and amused with her lips quirked upward. Remus snorts out a laugh and turns around, laying on his back on the rough stone. Janus is barely focusing on a book. If she were to be honest, which she hardly ever does, she would tell her friend that she hasn’t showered in four days or eaten anything but school food in probably weeks, and it is making her book feel quite insignificant. But some dry shampoo and loose-fitting clothing hide those secrets plenty well.

In the building, the final bell for the day rings and the high school kids begin filtering out of the building to the buses and the student pick-up area. Remus and Janus try to look distracted and unapproachable so that, with any luck, everyone leaves them alone like the freaks they are. However, the only two other students who they do not want to be left alone by exit the doors and begin walking up to them.

Roman is already huffing and puffing before he gets to them. “You guys skipped again, didn’t you!” he accuses.

“No, Roman, we were just faster than you,” Janus soothes falsely, and Remus nods along with a wide grin. Their other friend, Virgil, shifts his bookbag on his shoulder nervously and darts his eyes between everyone, undoubtedly trying to decide if he should allow the two to lie to Roman. A slight raise of Janus’s eyebrow keeps him silent, looking at his shoes.

Roman sighs exaggeratedly. “Okay, fine, fine. Just don’t worry me like that!” He pulls out a brand-new mobile phone, the bedazzled red case making Remus and Virgil exchange a silly glance to secretly tease him. “Anyways, we need to get going if we’re going to beat dinner rush,” he says, starting off towards the parking lot with a wave of his hand. The other three follow behind like sheep to a herding dog, with a few grumbles and eye rolls at being made to move quickly.

Virgil and Janus hop into Janus’s car while the twins both get into Roman’s sleek sports car, much too expensive for a new driver 11th grader to have. Remus makes a face through the window at Janus, who lets out an uncharacteristic snort of a laugh, before clearing her throat and pretending that it didn’t happen as she pulls out of the parking lot. Virgil puts up the hood of his hoodie, the hand-stitched patches across it making him perhaps not as unnoticeable as he would like to be.

“Stupid fancy car,” Virgil mutters as they follow just behind Roman. Janus hums, smiling just slightly.

“Honestly, I don’t think you’d guess our cars were even together. But you know how it is with rich men and their incessant need to gloat their egos about.”

Virgil chuckles, tugging his hood lower to block out the sun as he leans against the window. “I mean, at least we get paid-for dinners as often as we’d like.”

“Oh, how grand and kind of the lovely princes to pay for commoner’s bread and butter!” Janus teases. They both giggle and settle into a comfortable silence. Virgil’s comfort is only interrupted by his usual glances towards the two duffle bags and sleeping bag poorly hidden in the back of her car. Also as usual, he says nothing about it and keeps his thoughts quiet for fear of upsetting her. Upsetting Janus is never a good option. It usually results in either weeks of silence towards him or even being yelled at if it was too egregious an offence.

At their group’s favorite Greek restaurant their cars meet up, parking right next to each other. Remus throws his (much larger) body against Virgil’s back, forcing him to hold up his weight. “Oh, I missed you two soooo much!” he says through a grin. “It may as well have been eighty years!”

Virgil makes a growling sound at him, barely holding him up. “Get off of me, idiot!” he says, though he is also smiling. Remus laughs, a high-pitched cackle of a noise, and picks himself up. Janus and Roman stare on with varying levels of amusement.

“Alright, enough goofing about, I am beyond hungry!” Roman declares, turning and walking towards the door. The other three follow once again, snickering.

They sit at a table in the back corner, a booth, with Janus and Virgil on one side and the twins on the other. The menus are large and everyone fights for space lightheartedly. Janus chuckles and Virgil hums at her. “Oh, it’s just funny that we go here so often even though not a single one of us is Greek even in the slightest, it’s ironic considering both Indian, Asian, and all South American food is, you know, fucking delicious,” she jokes, drawing a smirk and a roll of his eyes from Virgil. Janus looks over the menu. “I’ll order for you,” she whispers to him. “You know you just hate speaking to strangers,” she coaches. Virgil nods, face falling straight with a slight blush of embarrassment, feeling just a tad pathetic. He puts up his hood and sinks down slightly in his seat.

The twins both order gyros, as well as Remus ordering dolmadakis, which Roman makes a grossed-out face about. Janus orders courgette balls and a salad for herself, and keftethes for Virgil to start with. Remus then pipes up and gets himself a coffee, which Roman scolds him for after the waiter leaves; “at 5 p.m. Remus, really?!”  

Virgil is fidgeting with his hoodie strings absentmindedly when Janus’s gloved hand touches his. He jolts and looks at her. “Is something wrong?” she tests, and though her face is straight, Virgil can sense that there’s ulterior meaning to the question even if he doesn’t know what it is.

“Uh- no, I’m good. I’m good.”

She hums. “You just looked anxious-“

“No, yeah, I’m good,” Virgil nods, giving a weak thumbs up. Janus smiles at him a tad too warmly, then turns to join the conversation with the twins.

“I’m telling you Remus, drinking six cups of coffee a day is ridiculous, there’s something wrong wrong with you,” Roman bites at him.

Remus laughs, very loudly for such a small space, causing other diners to glance at their table. “Roman you already knew there was shit wrong with me, don’t pretend,” he says shoving Roman’s arm. Roman shoves back at him, until they’re all but wrestling in the booth.

“The way I see it, speaking objectively, there is shit severely wrong with both of you,” Janus teases casually, leaning on her arm. Hungry and in a lot of physical discomfort in general, she subtly rubs the fabric of her gloves against her cheek, the stim calming her into a small sigh. Virgil glances at her and she nods at him to tell that she’s fine. Happy, even, Virgil, so don’t ask her again.

The food comes and they dig in heartily, all chatting in circles and laughing. The dinner passes fast, and before they know it Roman is paying with their parents’ card and ushering everyone outside. Roman says goodbye a tad dramatically with a bow, and Remus dramatically hugs Janus goodbye, bowing and kissing both her and Virgil’s hands to tease Roman. They all share some final giggles, and part back into the separate cars.

Virgil buckles in as Janus starts the car to drive him home. “So,” he speaks, voice cracking just slightly. “Will your parents be upset about you ruining your dinner or-“

“Virgil,” Janus says sharply, a warning in her voice. Virgil flinches and draws back. Janus sighs. “My parent’s opinions don’t matter, there’s no need to worry about me.” She shoots him a comforting smile in his peripheral, and he nods tautly.

Janus pulls out of the parking lot, sighing, happy to have actually eaten nicely, Virgil’s attempts at prying not spoiling her mood. Virgil sighs as well, subconsciously mimicking her calm mood. When they get to his house, his mothers have left the porch light on for him, and he can see one of them watching T.V. just inside the front window. He hesitates in her car, hand half outstretched to the door handle.

“Janus?”

“Yes, Virgil?”

He glances towards the back of her car one more time, but he doesn’t have enough nerve. “Nothing. Just- Have a good night, okay?”

“Okay,” she says softly, touching his hand with her gloved fingers. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” She says it as a statement not a question, even though it’s a Friday, so Virgil nods, and he gets out of her car. He watches her leave from his porch, sucks in a deep, deep breath, and slinks guiltily into his warm, happy home.

 --

“Virgil?”

Someone is calling his name, but it’s not yet loud enough to pull him out of his dazed stare, still adrift in his memories with his eyes blurrily fixed on a phone with a food delivery app open that was placed in his hand. He’s just barely registering the food names, chewing his lip roughly.

“Virge!” Roman says again, at a shout this time.

“Huh- whu?” Virgil shakes his head and blinks hard to refocus his eyes. They settle on Roman’s own, right in front of his face. “Oh, sorry. What are we doing?”

“Getting food? Are you okay?” Roman quirks his head at him, frowning.

Virgil tries to block out the memories he was having, taking in a deep breath. “I’m okay, yeah.” His lips press together tightly when he looks at the screen. “Can we… not do Greek food?”

Roman nods in immediate understanding, taking his phone and going back outside of the bedroom to Patton for the two of them to choose new foods. Patton makes a small noise of confusion when he reappears so quickly, tilting their head at him.

Roman sighs, plopping down onto the couch heavily. “Something’s up with Virgil, 100%.”

“Oh? What do you mean?”

Roman pinches his lips together, side-eyeing his friend. "I don't know," he lies. "Have you noticed anything?"

"No, maybe just some extra anxious thinking," Patton hums.

Roman's lips squeeze thinner together, alarmed that Patton hasn’t noticed the changes in their own partner’s demeanor, and he licks them to steady himself. "Virgil has been worried about you, I've noticed. He says you've been kind of... distant. Gone most of the time and not spending time with him."

Patton's eyes widen, and they bite their lip, not looking at Roman. "What are you um.. saying?"

"Nothing, bud!" Roman suddenly tries to course correct. "I wasn't trying to imply things."

"Okay," Patton says, putting on a tone of upset suspicion. They need to throw him off somehow, it can't become a common thing to question where they are or they'll end up having to admit to the drinking and sneaking out. Which they absolutely cannot do. "Roman, I'm- You wouldn't think I would lie to him or- or cheat on him, do you?" They let their eyes tear up, touching his leg.

Roman blinks at them, mouth hanging open for a moment. "Pat, no, of course not."

"O-okay," Patton sniffles. "I'm just… under a lot of stress. I didn't realize Virgil was upset with me."

"Oh, he's not! He's not upset, Patton," Roman says, frowning as the suspicion turns to concern. Thankfully. "Virgil has been struggling too and I think you- You sort of accidentally made each other nervous is all?" Roman suggests.

Patton nods, faux wiping at their eyes a bit. "As long as he's not upset." And they mean that part genuinely, even if they are making secret friends and behaving so recklessly, making Virgil upset would make them feel horrible.

"Of course he's not, you're okay. Do you need me to tell him you've been struggling? If it's the depression or the OCD I can call your psychiatrist for you, even."

Patton closes their eyes and lays against Roman's shoulder. "No, I can make the appointments. I- I should do that anyway. Roman, you're a very good friend."

Roman feels warmth in his chest and he smiles, proud of himself. "Aw, anything for you, puffball," he jokes, bumping his shoulder into them. "Anyway, we need to choose a different place for food! Virgil was upset when I went in and asked for no Greek." Patton nods and takes the phone. They feel a worm of guilt in their stomach over Virgil being upset.

"How about I go take the phone to him?" Patton suggests. Roman waves for them to do so. They go to their bedroom, and find Virgil on his stomach under his dark purple weighted blanket.

"Need some more weight, shadow?" they call out to him. He looks up to them miserably and nods. Patton lays their chest along his back, half on the bed half off. Virgil sighs pleasantly, which makes Patton giggle. "What sort of food did you want? Roman told me you said no Greek, why so?"

Virgil sighs shakily. "Bad memories. We... we ate it a lot in high school, the friend group." 'The' friend group, as though separating himself from it, Patton notes. "I was on a thought loop about it all, couldn't get myself to calm down and ended up spacing out. I- I don't know, I could feel her gloves on my arm and stuff. Not good."

"Gloves?" Patton says. "I thought the friend group was here, not in Minnesota."

"Oh, she would always wear them no matter the weather. I dunno, probably a thing with the vitiligo, like how Roman wears them. He gave the idea to her back then."

"Janus had- had vitiligo, and wore gloves?" They feel their heartbeat skip, eyebrows furrowing up.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry, I know I never tell you anything about her. Just too upsetting." Virgil's chest rises and falls heavily under them. Patton doesn't reply, as the nickname of 'J' on such a similar looking woman turns their gut. J initial, vitligo, gloves. J initial, vitiligo, gloves. There's hardly been anyone Patton's met that fits all three at once. "Anyway, uh, food." Virgil moves under them and they sit up to allow him to turn around before distantly laying against his chest instead, handing Roman's phone to him. J, vitiligo, gloves. Did she know, somehow, or is this town just tiny - is this a scheme or pure coincidence?

"Pat, bluebell?" Virgil looks at them with a frown, turning their face to meet his eyes.

"Sorry-" Patton blinks heavily to draw themselves to the present moment. "I'm more tired than I realized, I think. Hungry still, though!" They laugh and thankfully Virgil smiles at them and playfully rolls his eyes. believing them fully as always.

"Yeah? How about Anne's? You feeling up for some chicken and pizza?"

"You know it," they say, a bit more breathless and exhausted than they would like to hear their own voice ever sound again.

--

Not for the first time since he moved in with her, Janus wakes up in Remus’s bed, with him on the floor of the kitchen. She brushes hair out of her face, blinking in discomfort as she realizes she fell asleep without removing her contacts or even her daytime clothes. They watched movies til the late hours again, and Remus never moves her once she’s asleep. She groans with pain as she sits up; the couch bed really is just awful. She glances over his lower half peeking from behind the island, questioning how he’s been doing it for a month and a half now. She immediately takes out both of the contacts, just in case. Janus gets up, wobbling on her sticks of legs. “Remus,” she says, kicking his leg. “Remus get up.”

Remus snorts awake, blinking at her in the light. “H-whuh?” he says, intelligently. Janus smirks despite herself. His hair is twice as messy as usual.

“We’re going to get breakfast or coffee somewhere, get up.”

Remus sits up, cracking his back with his hands. “Ughhhh, why? You’ve never wanted to go anywhere with me. Even in highschool.” He says it as a fact rather than something he’s insulted by, but Janus bites the inside of her cheek with guilt anyhow.

“Well, I guess you must be special. Enough to be worth my social time and effort.” She examines her nails as though disinterested in him, but he is too busy beaming with a smile as he wakes further to notice.

“Sweet! Fuck yeah! I’m paying,” he says, shimmying to his feet and running around to gather a proper outfit.

“Uh, no, we can both just pay for our own.”

“Janussss!” he whines at her, frowning. “Lemme pay, just one time, please?” He flashes her with very big, watery eyes that she knows are fake, but can’t help listening to anyway. She doesn’t need his money, but… he just doesn’t stop offering. So, she reasons with herself that she’ll have to let him pay eventually, and it may as well be now. She rolls her eyes with a smile.

“Fine. Once.”

Remus cackles with victory and begins undressing, uncaring that she’s here. She feels her cheeks darken with blush despite herself. “Oh, you have way more tattoos than I thought,” she says, trying to keep a breathless tone out of her voice with a more casual topic.

Remus pauses and straightens up to show them off, hands on his hips. There are the typical ones on his arms that she’s seen before, obscene jokes. “Fisting record” in between two solid black lines all the way on his shoulder, the barbed wire above it, and a pair of actual scissors ‘scissoring’. There’s a line of black barbed wire along his collar bone that must’ve hurt like a bitch to get, but that’s just the start. There are two matching barking dogs on each of his hips, and the word ‘wild’ between them on his lower stomach in a cringe inducingly intense font. On his chest and stomach are dotted lines like markings made before a vivisection to guide the scalpel. There’s a large rose on the muscle of one of his pectorals, black with a green thorned stem that traces a circle around his nipple. A butterfly in a particular style on one part of his stomach, most likely a symbol of sorts though one Janus doesn’t recognize. The rest of his stomach is dotted with very amateur looking, upside down stick and poke tattoos. And that’s just the ones on his front side.

“Aren’t they sick as fuck?” Remus smiles, his full teeth showing with the amount of pride he seems to have over them.

Janus clears her throat with a cough. “Yeah, they look very nice.”

“Wanna touch em?”

“Remus, what?” Janus laughs. ”I have tattoos too, they don’t feel any different than skin.”

“You have tattoos and didn’t tell me?!”

“Yes, only two,” she sighs. “They’re kind of known for being expensive, and, well-”

“Show me, show me!” he begs, running over to her and touching her arms. She tries not to let her breathing stutter at him, mostly-naked, feeling just fine to run up and touch her.

“Are you subtly asking me to strip, Carmona?”

“Huh? No, I wouldn’t do that subtly if I was going to!” he says, tone cheeky but honest.

Janus sighs and, thankful to at least still have on a bra right now, pulls up her sweater to show them. “There’s a moth on my hipbone, see, and there’s a snake along my chest. That’s all.” She lowers her shirt to his intense gaze. “Can we refocus on getting food? I’m starving.”

“Right!” Remus says, turning around to hide just how flustered seeing her chest made him. He for once realizes that his nudity might be affecting someone, seeing as her just pulling up her shirt has gotten him so embarrassed. “Where you wanna go?”

“There’s a diner a mile or two away, it’d be a few minutes driving. They’re very stereotypically American but I wouldn’t be one to say no to well-made breakfast food and burgers.”

Remus has pulled on a shirt, a ratty looking band t-shirt specifically, one that she thinks he might’ve had since high school, and cargo pants by the time she finishes the sentence. “I wouldn’t be one either, let’s go!” He grabs her wrist and starts to tug towards the door.

“Remus, wait, I need my glasses, some gloves and probably to change too, I slept in this.”

Remus pauses looking at her. “You look fine though? I don’t see anything wrong with it, you wear that or a similar sweater like every day anyway.”

“Gloves,” she insists, her voice a bit more desperate than she would like it to sound.

Remus pauses, taking both of her bare hands in his. “Jan, look,” he says, gesturing to their hands. She does look, taking in both of their hands splotched by paler patches. “Nothing to be ashamed over, ok?” he promises. “If anyone said anything I’d kick their ass.”

Janus takes a breath in, eyes closing. “I- I can’t, I’m sorry.” She pulls away her hands and walks to her room to grab a pair of her gloves, leaving a slightly dejected looking Remus behind. In her room she stares at her skin, breathing uneven. It’s not that a skin condition should cause, well, anyone shame, it’s that it’s her skin. It’s her. She doesn’t really like any part of her appearance, and that includes the largest visible organ she was saddled with. The vanity mirror catches her face, and she tries to not look at how square her jaw is or thick her eyebrows are or how covered by the uneven coloration she is or how ugly she is without some makeup to feminize her- Catching herself being so needlessly hateful to herself embarrasses her and she shakes her head out, leaving the room and the mirror behind while barely remembering to grab her glasses. Whatever, Remus was always there to make her look better by comparison anyway, she thinks bitterly.

They get into Remus’s truck without many more words exchanged, and Janus leans on the window when they begin to drive after putting the location into Remus’s GPS. Remus looks at her from the corner of his eyes, chewing on his lip and biting skin off of it. She looks so normal, and he doesn’t understand it. She’s so averagely dressed, and so pretty, the only outwardly odd thing to him being her dyed hair, which is cool! She should love how she looks! But he always felt that way about Roman too, and he acts the same over being seen naked or gloveless. Maybe he should get it, being that he has a skin condition too, but he just doesn’t. Uniqueness like theirs is only beautiful to him, and he’s always considered it rather stupid to think otherwise.

“Hey, Janus?” he asks, breaking the quiet.

“Mmh?”

“Why do people think being weird is a bad thing?”

Janus blinks at him, unsure of the right answer to that. “Well, uh… Humans aren’t very nice to each other even among basic bitches, so there’s even more likeliness if there’s specific things to pick on you for – things that stand out, good or bad.”

“Yeah but- but why?!” Remus’s fingers drum on his steering wheel, his face creasing, with worry or anger he’s not certain. “It’s just- It’s stupid to me! Being different is just a fact, like, every single human is different! We’re not clones or mass-produced dolls.”

“People don’t really see it that way, Remus,” she sighs. “Humans tend to group together based on sameness just on an instinctive and community-based level. In group and outsiders.”

“That’s such culty shit though, and not the cool movie kind.”

“It’s just cliques, tribes, groups, packs, herds – community. It’s normal for more species than just people.”

“People are the only ones who are so smart yet act so fucking dumb about it!” he says, seeming more annoyed than angry. “Like animals beating the shit out of each other just happens because they’re entirely instinct and survival based - humans aren’t that! We’ve got so much brain power being used on nothing.”

“People are just like that,” she says.

“People like hurting each other, I know that,” he grumbles. “People have always liked hurting me because I’m so different and weird, and I am different and weird, so they’re right, I guess. I know people just wanna hurt me and laugh at me at this point. People like hurting weirdos even when it’s not right,” he says. Janus feels something painful rising in her chest at how… casually he’s saying this, like they’re factual statements rather than the opinions of assholes. “But I just feel like it makes no sense, to me myself and I.”

He sighs. “Like you, you’re the prettiest most normal looking person ever,” Janus feels her cheeks get hot as he continues, “but because of, what, a skin condition? You’re weird? We both got bullied like crazy even though you’re gorgeous and I’m hot as fuck! They shouldn’t do that to you!”

“They shouldn’t do that to you,” she snaps in agreement, coming out sadder than she intended. “You’re not a weirdo. You’re right, it makes no sense. It- it makes no sense.” She wipes at her face and looks at the floor of his car.

He touches her shoulder, though he’s no longer looking at her. “Glad we agree on that, at least,” he laughs, high and subtly strained, squeezing at her. He pulls the car into the parking lot the GPS tells him to, parking and slapping his own legs, smiling at her. “Let’s go eat, mkay? Anything you want, it’s how I’ll make up for rent since I’ve been here bothering you so long.”

“Remus, you’re not-“

He gets out of the car before she continues, and she huffs and tries to follow him, cursing and struggling to right herself in her crutches from how high his truck is. He seems to notice at the door, and rushes back over to her, reaching to help. She groans, frustrated by herself and her body and her inability to comfort him and fix it for him and be a good person and- and-

“Janus, hey, breathe,” he suddenly mutters at her, his hand brushing her hair out of where it had become stuck to her lip. She looks up at him and he’s frowning in sympathy for her – for her as though he’s not the one clearly hurting so much. She feels herself drawing back to snap at him or reply to the help angrily, but it deflates from her chest before it leaves, her head slumping on his shoulder for a second. He seems unsure of how to respond to that, just going still and letting her rest there.

“You’re smarter than most humans, Remus,” she says quietly by his ear. “Smarter, nicer, and cooler, too.”

Remus chuckles, nervous, patting her back. “Aw, Janus, there’s no need for all that. Let’s just go eat. You said they have food you like, let me buy it for you. You deserve it now especially, complimenting me all sweet.” He helps her get into her crutches more securely, and she silently lets him take her inside.

Both feel better as their meal goes on, talking about nothing at all yet such important things. The food is fatty and filling and salty, which Remus will not stop complimenting, and Janus laughs. She laughs so much around him, more than she has her entire life. She keeps trying to thank him for that, to somehow say it without having to say it – but as she’s driven home with a full stomach, finally fully having let him pay for her and take care of her, even if a small amount, she realizes that it must be said.

“Thank you, Remus,” she says to him.

He hums distractedly, half glancing at her as he drives.

“Thank you. For- for-“ she shuts her eyes, and tries to force words out of her mouth even though her brain wants to shut them down. “Thank you for being here. Making me laugh and trying to make me feel good. Just- You’re so-“ She feels her eyes watering, and looks fully over to him, finding him watching her much more than the road. “You’re a really good person. A really good- good- I- Thank you.”

Remus tries to keep a neutral face and fit with her serious tone, but he can’t help the small bewildered smile that does escape him. It’s the most honest tone he’s ever heard her use, in high school or now. It gives him butterflies and makes him nauseous and makes him happy and sad and every emotion at once. “Janus-“ he lets a tiny laugh out, his chest shaking slightly. “What are you saying right now, you’re acting funny.”

She touches his arm, and he realizes one of her gloves is off. She takes his hand, and they look like they belong there, together. But she can’t say what she wants to, because she doesn’t fully want it to be what she wants. Remus has stopped at a stop sign, and he just stares back at her. Gazes locked and not doing or saying anything but breathing. Janus leans, and pulls him into a hug across the empty middle seat. She hears him exhales beside her ear, and then he hugs back, tightly, gripping his fingers into her sweater.

They just sit there until cars come behind the truck and begin to honk at them, and Remus lets go with a laugh as he rolls down his window and flips the other car off before speeding forward. Janus notices the light hit wetness on his cheeks as she wipes it from her own as well. “Let’s get home,” Remus says, shaking his head and grinning. Home, Janus thinks as she lays back against the window and shuts her eyes. Not just 'Janus's shitty empty apartment' – home.

Remus flops face first on the couch bed when they do get there, Janus pausing at the door to put away her crutches. She doesn’t go to her room, though. She lays down facing the opposite direction on Remus’s bed, their feet and heads on opposite ends. Remus flops his arm over her legs, and when he does, she touches his legs as well.

“I meant it when I said I wouldn’t mind being your weirdo forever, y’know,” Remus says quietly. “Whatever that means, I want that.”

Janus squeezes his calf and stares up at her water-stained ceiling. “Well, if that’s the truth, then you’re not going to be weird alone, at least there’s that. Fuck it, I’ll be your weirdo forever too.”

“You may now kiss the bride,” Remus says jokingly. It makes them both laugh, even if it’s not entirely a joke. Whatever. They have forever to figure it out, after all.

#sanders sides #college au #sanders sides au #sasi au #tss au #tss human au #sanders sides human au #sanders sides fanfic #sasi fanfic #tss fanfic #dukeceit #janus sanders #remus sanders #virgil sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders

[thedawningofthehour]

I just came out with somwthing dumb and I think it's cursed enough to share. What if evangelion writters saw your fic, you retired and then they took off with the collar plotline.

1. Galois finishes collars

2. Galois is jumped on by people who want his head and he gets captured and put in a collar

3. He also gets put in some kind of facility where for most he roams free but still he has a bomb on him all the time and is forced to work on something to destroy Draxum

4. For some reason in that place there's a random cute boy his age who seems obsessed with Gale

5. They do gay shit like hold hands, declare love, play piano toghether in a love duet. Even fucking bath toghether (that happened in the og anime). Overall every gay shit imaginable beside kissing or call eachother boyfriends so someone can still point at them and say "They're really close friends"

6. That boy decides to get the collar of Galois and put in on himself

7. That boy fucking dies and explodes on Galois

8. Galois is depressed for the rest of book 3 and hardly does anything

9. While Galois is depressed one of the girl characters decides to wear that collar as a safety precusion (she also wears it while wearing minimal clothing beacuse [insert forced plot reason])

10. That shit is taken off her real soon and she does not die from it or really get much affected at all

11. It turns out Mikey is not Mikey but a clone of a guy named Michael Angel

12. World fucking ends

13. Gale talks to Draxum about Draxum's teen years

14. Draxum tells him the truth about Gale being Donnie

15. Something extremaly confusing happeneds that will make over over half of the fanbase hate book 4

16. New universe is formed and everyone seems happy?? But for some reason Galois is not with his brothers or even with Draxum but with Todd or something. Like it ends qirh Todd picking him up from a train station and saying "let's go home, Donnie"

17. In aditioanl material it's revealed Todd is a time traveler who's secretly been there for Donnie his whole life and also fucked Splinter at some point

18. I don't even fucking know what I just wrote

I know nothing about Evangelion and especially after this I am committed to keeping it that way.

he couldn't move the collar to someone else, (how would that make sense? it's off just throw it away?? why???) there's a mechanism that would automatically detonate the explosive charge if the collar is fiddled with too much. In Fallout 3 you actually get events where you can deactivate a slave's collar with sufficient explosives skill, but if you don't know what you're doing you'll set it off instead. Gale would know how to safely deactivate one...but I've said too much.

Gale does not have time for love declarations

Draxum's 'teen' years were filled with him herding sheep and babysitting the younger kids of his village so idk how interesting that would really be

I hope to god you guys like the ending

I mean, Lou Jitsu was bisexual af and was big in Hollywood in the eighties-this man had sex with men. (and did cocaine)(most likely at the same time) I would not rule out him and Todd hooking up in the slightest. (Leo voice: "gross, those are our dads!")

I am not touching the rest of that.

[erina-writes-headcanons]

omg hiiiii 😊 can we get hcs of hanamiya, haizaki, and jason silver’s reacion to yn bring a very shy kind gril but they herd rumers of her chesting with another guy !! 😡😡 but it ended up being a lie, and thry end up hruting her feelings?? 🥺🥺 eould she forgive them too? >…<

Hanamiya Makoto, Haizaki Shougo, and Jason Silver Heard Rumour of Their S/O Cheating With Another Guy.

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A/N: Hello there! Thank you for requesting the bad boys of KnB. This is one of the biggest challenges for me because I cannot really relate to them but I will try my best. I hope you like the final result! Also, I admit even though Hanamiya, Jason and Haizaki are the bad boys and bastards of the KnB, they are hot (but not my type). Please never date this kind of guy in real life, they are a walking red flag.

Warning: Mention of violence, ANGST, non-consent touch, a little bit of NSFW and profanity.

Gender: Neutral

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Hanamiya Makoto

Everyone knows that you are Hanamiya's S/O and everyone in Kirisaki Daiichi feared the dead black-haired since he's the most dangerous player among his teammate. However, that doesn't really stop anyone to try to get closer to you.

However, that doesn't stop any guy to mess with you and other students start gossiping about you dating another guy behind Hanamiya's back.

Even if he doesn't have explosive anger like Haizaki and Jason Silver who would shout at you. His wrath was much scarier and more hurtful.

He would humiliate you in front of lots of people and when is aid that. His humiliation is much worse, it could be trying to frame you that you were the villain in the relationship or bullied you with students around to watch.

Reality sucks because Hanamiya definitely knows that it was probably just a dumb rumour made by people around you. I am sorry to crush your hope but he hates honest people so he isn't sorry at all and he is a genius with a high IQ.

Not only he knows that it was only a rumour that people create just to defame you. Instead of helping you out, he is going to use that defamation by degrading you and then using you as a black sheep so he could manipulate you easier and degrading you for fun.

He would make fun of you for letting people easily get attached to you and trying to be a creep. Since you're so kind, lots of people trying to take an advantage of you and trying to make you cheat on Hanamiya or being a creep.

Yes, even though it's canon that he likes the soft, shy, kind and easily manipulated girl (Like Yui Komori type of girl from Diabolik Lovers). He would guilt-trip you and make you feel stupid even if it was just a rumour.

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(By the way, I am not shaming anyone in real life. I am shaming Nobuta Tanaka, the character from Assassination classroom)

A pair of dark grey eyes staring at you with a horrible intention as the delinquent male sauntering up to you like a wannabe model with his horrible spiked black hair swayed around and his pudgy face bouncing like a basketball. Nobuta Tanaka, the most well-known pervert in the Kirisaki Daiichi. His narrow eyes eyeing up at you from the bottom of your skirt/pants to your chest.

"Hey there cutie, I never see you around in here. Are you here alone?" The male asks.

"No, I am waiting for my boyfriend. Could you please leave me alone? My boyfriend is going to be in here at any moment," you shoo the pervert away.

"Aww don't be like that. Why don't you go out with me? I am a nice guy," he grabs one of your hands.

"H-hey! P-please let me go! Y-You are making me uncomfortable!" You shout, trying to push the pervert away.

"No need to be shy, kitten. It's just you and me alone~" his other arms slowly slid and crept on your back, trying to pull you closer.

" P-please d-don't touch me. I-i don't want to hurt you," You quickly push the guy away but not hard enough to make the person fall, you only push him away very gently before your footsteps fading away.

However, even though you were defending yourself from the pervert. Something dark and shimmering hiding behind a wall, taking picture of the pervert trying to hug you as the edge of the owner of the camera's lips tugged upwards before they leave the crime scene and start their work to destroy your relationship with your boyfriend.

↠ Timeskip ↞

Walking down the hallway, thousands of pairs of eyes staring at you with shock, confusion, resentment, anger, and judgement but the most confusing part is people would quickly get away from you whenever you try to approach them. Raising your eyebrows, you know there must be something bad happening but you don't know what is it because students treating you like a plague.

A footstep getting closer to you as it was getting louder and louder. Turning around, you saw Hanamiya sauntering up with a smile but you know that smile was forced, it was his typical mocking smile with a hint of anger in it like that smile when he is facing his rival before he broke them.

"M-makoto-san, I-" You were cut off immediately by him.

"Hmm~ you called my first name after what you did? That's very surprising~" he pushes you to the locker.

"W-what do you mean by that? I-i didn't do anything! " You were confused, hurt, and frightened.

"Oh? You don't know? Are you stupid or something? HAHA! You were acting cute and helpless as if you were asking him that you're an easy, helpless little creature that can be harassed at any time. I'm sure you're doing it on purpose in front of Nobuta, asking him to be harassed like a little bitch you are..I bet you had fun cheating on my back and letting him touching you" he smiles evilly, watching your face confronting into shock, pain, sorrow, and fury as he shows the picture of you getting harassed by Nobuta.

"B-but..i-i pushed him away and I don't like him like that way. I-i would never cheat on you! T-that picture is when he was harassing me!-" you try to defend yourself.

"Oh my poor baby, you did? Maybe you shouldn't be so stupid and try to defend yourself," he cupped your cheeks, "Maybe you should do something for me to prove that you didn't cheat on me, my darling. After all, how can you make me believe that you didn't cheat on me...." he faked his frown.

"D-don't worry Hanamiya-kun. I-i promise i will show you that I didn't cheat on you" you put on a fake smile, trying to convince your boyfriend.

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Haizaki Shougo

I am praying for your mentality, your soul and your strength to handle this dude. Unlike Hanamiya, he is much more violent and he's not afraid to hit a woman.

He doesn't respect anyone except Nijimura so to date him. You had to make him respect you the first time. But since we are talking about you are dating him, it was a very rocky relationship between you and his violent and playboy tendencies.

You can imagine his reaction when he hears the rumour of you cheating behind his back. There are many situations that can end up that you hurt because of him.

The first situation is him becoming very enraged at you. Once you are down with your class, he would be likely to march up on you before pulling you to the quiet place where there is no one around and he would scream at you.

If you fight back and try to defend yourself from him, he would be likely to hit you in the face and I am talking about slapping you on the face before he storms away to cool off.

In the second situation, he wouldn't hurt you or slap you but instead. It would be more disgusting because he would cheat behind your back and if you try to confront him. He would be guilt-tripping you by saying you were the one who cheated him in the first place.

This man has a huge ego and I can say his Ego is even bigger than Aomine and Hanamiya (Almost the same as Jason Silver). When he shows he is sorry for hurting you once he knows it was just a stupid rumour, his apology would be forced.

He doesn't want to say sorry but if he has to. It would be like, "FINE! I AM FUCKING SORRY! HAPPY NOW?!" However, if that made the situation worse. He would finally apologize without feeling like he was forced as he give some kind of present (like little trinkets or something).

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Sitting on the bench, you keep looking at your wristwatch with your shoes tapping against the ceramic floor and bounce your legs in a frantic manner. Glancing around the airport, you were biting your nails as you are waiting for your cousin who is an exchange student studying economics and business.

It has been such a long time, you really miss your dear cousin who is also like a best friend to you. He was always there for you when you two were young, he was like an older brother to you but he had to leave you for almost more than five years so he could be the best entrepreneur and start a company once he goes back.

A sound of tiny wheels could be heard from far and you turn around to see your cousin who is smiling at you, "Yo (Y/N), miss me?" he opens his arms. You couldn't help but the run-up to your cousin and give him your biggest bear hug and snuggle your face on the crook of your cousin's neck.

Unknown to you, someone sees everything as she quickly takes the phone away and takes a picture of you hugging your cousin, 'Not only did she take my Haizaki away from me but she cheats behind his back! She will feel my wrath!' she thought as she starts to walk away, leaving you along with your cousin whose searching the trolley to put all of his bags.

↠ Timeskip ↞

After sending your cousin home, you were on your way to your house so you could rest your aching muscles, "It has been such a tiring day, I wonder how Haizaki is without me...' you wondered. As you were walking home, you could see the back of Fukuda Sougou's jersey with the number six.

The edge of your lips curving upwards as your eyes twinkle in happiness, seeing your man standing there with his braided hair. But the footsteps immediately stop as the glint in your eyes immediately gone in a second and your eyes turn dark as tears start brimming in your eye.

A girl wrapped their arms around your boyfriend as her lips were attached to his lips, kissing him passionately. Seeing you, the girl tightened her arms for a few seconds before pulling away, "See you tomorrow, Shougo-Kun!" She chirped, skipping away happily.

"S-shougo-Kun.....why? Your throat tightened.

"(Y/N)-Chan~ you saw that, huh~" he struts up to you slowly, as if it looks like a predator mocking their prey for getting stuck.

'Tsk, serves you right for cheating with me. Did you think I don't know about you cheating with someone in the airport?" His smirk was replaced with a scowl.

"B-but i didn't cheat on you-!" You try to defend yourself.

But it was a futile attempt as you feel a burning pain on your cheeks, and your eyes widened as tears slowly slipped out from your eyes. Looking at Haizaki, it was clear he was pissed off because the size of his eyes getting smaller.

"FUCKING LIAR!" He shouted.

A hiccup escapes from your lips, "I-I'm not....t-that picture that you give me is my c-cousin. I-I told you from the message! Why can't you believe me!" You never shout but this is your first time shouting at him.

"W-wha?!" He was shocked once he ehars your explanation.

"W-WE'RE DONE!" You ran awya from him.

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Jason Silver

I am starting to wonder if you are a masochist, have Stockholm syndrome or you just like bad boys who are very violent. I am sorry if I sounded very judgemental but Jason Silver is also as violent as Haizaki.

Angering Jason Silver and Haizaki is like a death wish for a partner and expecting them to be vigilant boyfriends is already too much for them. Instead of talking it out, Jason Silver would be very angry like Haizaki.

Once he hears the rumours of you cheating on him behind his back. I cannot see him talking it to you and asking if it was true. Instead, he would be marching up at you, shoving you until you fall from the ground and yelling profabities or sexist slurs.

He only does that when no one is around or he would be likely to grip a can of beer or soda when he was in public and crush it even though he didn't say anything but peoplw still know he is furious because the way he looks at them as if they were just nothing to him.

But you can tell he is pissed off because of the way he is glaring into your eyes. It was as if like a bomb ready to explode at any second. Even if you try to tell him it was just a rumour, he wouldn't listen to you.

As you two go home together. That's when you know you need to escape from him because as you two go inside. He would be likely to scream at you and slam some stuff to the ground, he would be also could hit you if he's too blinded by the rage.

This is the difference between him and Haizaki. Unlike Haizaki, I can see him feel bad for hurting you. Even though he has a huge ego, he can put it aside once he knows it was only a rumour.

As he feels guilty for hurting you, his eyes would stare at the floor as if the floor is more interesting than you before taking a deep breath and admitting he was wrong for hurting you.

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A can of beer is held by the tall muscular dark skinned man as he looks at the screen of his phone, talking together with Nash Gold and the rest of the Jabberwocky team as everyone inside the chat is either cursing with each other or sending pictures of women slept with.

Taking a sip of his beer. His eyes keeps looking at the chat bar from the team until his eyes landed on a picture of you in the classroom standing in front of a guy who seems to be looking disinterested. His eyes widened upon seeing the picture, "Yo! Silver, is this your little bitch? My friend told me that she was cheating with you with some ugly bastard," his friends texted him.

Gritting his teeth, he began clenching hard on the can until there was a cracking sound from the can, standing up. He began cursing at his phone, typing down a sexist slur before he sends it to your phone. Spamming your phone with abusive and harmful words that were very mean.

𝕋𝕙𝕚𝕣𝕕 ℙ𝕖𝕣𝕤𝕠𝕟 ℙ𝕆𝕍:

Closing the book, you put the pencil away from the table and put it inside the pencil case, "Do you understand, Shibuya-san?"You ask the student in front of you. The boy groaned, slamming his head "No.....I told you math is too hard for me," he mutters. Rolling your eyes playfully, you put the book away, "It's okay, just study the note that I gave you yesterday so you can ace the exam tomorrow," you told him, trying to cheer your best friend.

"Yeah...anyway, thank you for teaching me math, (Y/N)-san." He says, putting the book inside along with the paper.

"Y-yeah, you're welcome. Just text me when you need me to tutor you in math," you told him.

"I will! Thank you so much! See you tomorrow!" Shibuya waves his hands, leaving the classroom before you clean the classroom and taking your backpack, going home alone.

↠ Timeskip ↞

After a long walk from school to your house, you need your boyfriend so bad to just cuddle you and lay on the bed together, enjoying each other warmth. From the distance you could see your boyfriend a smile reaching your face, you began walking up to your boyfriend to give him a hug until your hand were yanked roughly by your boyfriend, "We need to talk, now..." his voice sent a shiver to your spine.

You could sense the tense air around you and him as the two of you were walking home together and the grip on your hand were getting harder, making you flinch in pain but you didn't dare to object to your boyfriend since he looks like he is ready to murder you at any second.

Slamming the door open, Jason Silver shoves you away to the living room and slam the door really hard that you can hear a crack from it. Backing away, you were scared of this sudden situation because you had never seen him this angry at you. Sure, he may shout at you a lot but he would make it up later by hugging you and saying how sorry he was for scaring you.

"So, you had fun with another guy when I'm not with you?... You were cheating on me from behind my back?" Jason saunters over you, scaring you with his huge height.

"W-what? B-but I never cheated on you-" You were cut off by him.

"BITCH! DON'T FUCKING LIE TK ME! I SAW YOU HANGING OUT WITH ANOTHER GUY! MY TEAMMATE TOLD ME YOU WERE CHEATING WITH ANOTHER GUY!"

"W-what do you mean? I didn't hang out with anyone besides my friend" you tried to defend yourself.

A burning pain surged on your cheeks, and your eyes widened because Jason never slapped you before until now. Tears began brimming in the corner of your eyes. "EXPLAIN THIS!" He shouted, shoving the screen of a picture of you teaching Shibuya, your best friend math.

"......." You were speechless.

"WELL?!" He shouts.

"I didn't cheat......I was just teaching my best friend Geometry," you shove the book and the notes as the proof of your innocence.

"....Shit- Babe. I'm sorry," he tried to apologize.

"No...p-please...i-i need some space....i'm so sorry b-but...you hurt me. I-i forgive you but we cannot talk for now...i-it's the best if we stay out with each other for a moment..." You stand up, dusting yourself away and leaving Jason who immediately screamed in anger once you leave him for good, slamming any breakable objects to the ground.

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#kuroko no basquet #kuroko no basket x reader #kuroko no basket #kuroko's basketball #knb angst #knb headcanons #knb imagines #knb scenarios #bad boys #jabberwocky #knb hanamiya #hanamiya makoto #hanamiya x reader #knb x reader #kirisaki daiichi #knb haizaki #haizaki shougo #haizaki x reader #knb jason silver #jason silver #jason x reader #tw: violence #angst #tw: abuse

[lindszeppelin]

Guy anon coming in again. It's my day off. I have a feeling that Kaia was a booty call that he ended up getting stuck with for some reason. When they broke up back in 2022 when he was doing Bikeriders, I think her family pulled some s hit to get him back in. I do not trust that family I have heard some shit .

I know I am probably annoying always coming on here and preaching but I really do want to make it known how men think. I do not comprehend why there are people who think this relationship is solid? Austin treats her like an annoying little sister who was forced to tag along and is a pain in the ass. The man shows affection to everyone else but is willing to be cold to the person that is claimed to be his forever? Privacy in relationships isn't acting like your relationship looking forced. I can go on and on with this. Men in love do not act like Austin does. They will not put their whole business out there when it comes to their relationship but they also wouldn't hide her.

Hey welcome back in, hope you're having a nice day off. And you're definitely not annoying. We highly appreciate what you bring to the conversation. We don't often hear from his male fans and that and provide this perspective on the situation. Please keep coming in!

Her family definitely pulls the ropes. Austin is the best thing she has ever gotten, and they will keep him strung up bleeding him dry as long as it keeps benefiting them. The longer he doesn't play by their rules the more they might be inclined to drop it and move on to someone else more willing to be with Kaia. It even seems like to me that Kaia is bored herself sometimes. I don't trust them either, I have always gotten a really bad feeling from them.

And the only ones that think her and Austin are endgame are young girls that have never been in a successful relationship, are projecting their fantasies onto them, and are just sheep in the herd believing the narrative. But we all see what's really going on. Eventually it will come to an end, and im interested to see how it unfolds.

PS. coming back in to ask because im curious, from one man to another if you were able to sit down with Austin what kind of advice would you give him in this situation? i think he could use some friendly brotherly advice

#lindsay's anon asks

[gaybriar]

need 2 understand

whether the presumed undiagnosed autism is hindering me in work progression & whether a formal diagnosis cld help that. im like. this close 👌🏻 to just seeking a formal diagnosis so i can finally understand why im functionally useless in networking situations so i dont have to think “haha maybe the guy in primary school who told everyone i was an alien visiting my home planet when i was off school for my grandmas funeral was right and i actually don’t belong anywhere on earth” bc i just can’t do the stupid fucking social aspect of development n it’s literally so hindering i just cry at work every other day bc im languishing in a job that makes my brain feel like it’s slowly rotting cell by cell. n there’s no real option for progression bc i have to make myself palatable n useful n all i rly wanna do is go back home and knit n read. hahahahahah sorry i hate 2 b vulnerable but i just want to go somewhere else where i dont have to be a person anymore. they dont tell u that this is what it feels like. they don’t actually get that i can be Switched On for 48 hours and then i have to have a huge fucking meltdown & basically stop working until i feel like a worthwhile creature again instead of a pile of mouldering curtains in the corner. feels like getting my cats to herd sheep sometimes. like im not a Person the way the other people are people. im something else and there’s a sick sad rotted core inside me thats WRONG like radioactive waste.

#i don’t think i can do this anymore.

[sorcerous-caress]

I saw you got the Mass Effect collection a while ago and wanted to say a little fun fact that there’s some OG Baldur’s Gate references in ME2 and 3 because Bioware made the first two BG games. I won’t say what they are for spoiler reasons but one of them you’ll get right away. Hope you have fun with ME! It’s one of my favorite RPG franchises

I answered this ask 4 different times but each time tumblr refuses to post it and it comes back to my inbox- I don't even know what to do anymore bc I had to rewrite a long response each time.

If this one gets sent through, I'll try to edit it on the browser to include my actual answer.

Edit: it worked this time around, just my luck.

Okay so, I've never played ME before or heard anything about it, so I'm going in fully blind. I made an earthborn war hero vanguard character.

Bc I like earth, I like being a hero and I like mele characters.

I put the difficulty at vetran so I can add more spice, I might regret it, probably.

My name is shepherd? Like are they sheep and I herd them or? Is this a Mary and the little lambs situation.

Game started and man that is one hot alien, like a zebra! Oh wait that's just white paint on his face-

Why are people being mean to him :( and oh I get dialogue! Hell yeah i will defend my alien friend.

Racism against aliens? In my human galactic civilization game? More likely than you think.

I'm walking around the ship and talking to people, man these guys are really mean to the alien. If Nihlus turns out to be a traitor I wouldn't even blame him, I'd be one too if people talked this much shit behind my back.

Also corporal Jenkins!!! He is so precious omfg. I will protect him with my life and we will spend our honeymoon watching his favourite spykids movies <3

He is talking about being a hero and awful a lot tho- kinda worrying.

A nice small detail is the npc gaurds saluting to me when i walk by, since I'm a commander and all. It's really nice!

Okay I talked to the hot alien again and I think i have a shot with him! Let's fucking go!

We're on the planet, hot alien isn't with my team but hey! At least Jenkins is here.

I'm trying out weapons, I like lance so far. I have shit accuracy so fast fire rate makes up for it. But the controller layout is really confusing, there are 4 different buttons to switch to different weapons but the crouch had to be the awkward joystick press, why?

.

Jenkins died.

:(

:(((((((((

I'm killing everyone I meet.

Rip babygurl, you would've loved lego batman.

Also I can level up now, I'm not sure what any of those skills do or what any of those words mean so I'll throw all my eggs in the charm and intimidation basket until things become too hard to kill.

Maybe then I'll look up a guide and curse my past self.

I met Williams, she seems nice and I let her tag along on my team. I miss Jenkins </3

So far I'm really having fun tho and enjoying the game! Do you have any tips or recommendations? I'd love to hear them. I genuinely am clueless and just waddling around gawking at the surprisingly good graphics for a game this old.

Here is my character btw! She is nb in my heart <3 still I'm glad that we even get the choice to be a woman. The character edit screen reminds me of dark souls character edit.

#♡otherfandoms #♡MassEffect

[prnanxiety]

11/19/23

First time getting death threats from a patient today. Actually I started writing this last night, but I was so exhausted I didn't have the energy. I'm learning to keep these short and sweet, or if I have more to say, wait till morning.

A patient with a long, storied history of Antisocial Personality Disorder and frequent hospital hopping came to our unit doing the same thing he always does. He shows up, he's sweet as a peach and calm and cooperative with everyone. Apologizes for all the horrible things he said and did the last time he was here, this time it will be so different, he swears. Doesn't throw a fit about having to share a room, waits in line for his food, etc.

And then it starts again. Slowly he starts finding little things to ask for, simple requests that we can fill when we have the time. Tries to wave us over to deliver his tray to him at his table in the dining room, instead of getting it himself with everyone else. Requesting for food items to be delivered from the cafeteria that were listed as being delivered, but clearly weren't. Extra scrubs, etc.

And then it's No no no, the tray is wrong, this isn't cooked, see? He needs a new tray entirely. And the TV should be playing football right now, because everyone else got to watch the news earlier, so lets put on football. And are you going to help me shave or not? Isn't it your job to help people?

He starts doing it to the patients, too. There's cards at the lobby table that they're playing at, but now it's his table, and he's letting everyone play cards. Just like he lets everyone watch TV, just so long as we change the channel when he wants us to. Or order his trays for him again and again until he's happy.

A brilliant counselor I know explained ASPD for me so succinctly I've never forgotten it; People with ASPD live their lives as if they're locked in a room full of animals. Some are sheep, and some are wolves. This guy has been in and out of facilities in our area, including ours, for years. He knows that if he says the right things about suicidal ideation, he gets in. The patients are all people who just want to be left the hell alone so they can leave, and the staff are all people who just want to keep everyone calm and cooperative so everyone can also leave. He shows up here fully prepared to treat everyone like sheep he can herd.

Basically all of that came to a head this morning (technically yesterday, as of this writing) when he approached the nurse's station, and myself, with his breakfast tray. He said the tray was wrong and it needed to be redone. I pulled out the menu he filled out yesterday and flipped through it. Says he ordered french toast, Sausage, and hash browns, and the plate in front of me has french toast and bacon. I tell him, really simply, "Okay so they got your order half right. I'll call and ask them to send sausage and hash browns for you." He says, no, that's not right. I need to order the whole new tray entirely.

This guy knows that isn't right. He knows for a fact that is not now, nor has it ever been, how we do things around here. But he also knows the other patients are losing their patience with him, and are starting to stand up for themselves and each other when he does stuff. So he's got to re-exhort control over the unit he thinks he controls, and he's picked me. I just tell him, again, "No. I'll call for the side dishes, I'm not reordering the whole tray."

The guy had enough. He started shouting at me, throwing slurs at me, "You're supposed to help people!" "Get a new job!" guilting and shaming and anything he can do to try to make me change my mind, as if he doesn't know and hasn't always known this is how meals work. The whole time, I'm maintaining quiet, unbroken eyecontact with him. He knows my answer. As if I'm gonna let his tantrum change my mind.

He can see I'm not budging. So he throws the tray at me. Misses by a mile, I just got some oatmeal or cereal or something on my hip covering what EMS would call a 1% burn area. I reflexively call the security team to our unit, nurses are already around the area making sure patients are in their rooms and anywhere else away from what's going on down here.

By this point, he can see security is on their way, a tray of food is on the wall behind me, and anything he says won't change the outcome. He's just hurling threats at this point. Going on about how I should have my brains bashed in, I'm gonna get my throat slit, etc. At this point, one of the more senior nurses directed me to go hang out in the med room, out of sight, because my presence was just agitating the patient further.

I didn't see anything that happened after that, but I could hear it. Continuing to shout threats, surrounded by nurses and officers. The whole event was a forced discharge from the hospital, given his street clothes and personal items and escorted to the building with security present.

I won't deny it. I spent a lot of time in that room thinking, should I have maintained unbroken eye contact with him like that? Technically at that point I'm challenging the patient, when I should be focused on deescalating a situation that is clearly escalating to violence. Was that right? And I'm sitting here writing this as if I was calm the whole time it was going on, but in reality my hands were shaking.

I was torn in a few different directions. Mostly, because my fellow nurses all completely agreed with how I handled that situation, later. Every nurse and every patient on the unit knew this guy was, at best, a jackass. We were even talking in the report room before starting the shift about how it was time for this guy to go, how we knew he clearly wasn't benefiting from being here, he was only making trouble for everyone, and he knew it, and wasn't going to stop.

It's just the thing that's going to be at the back of my mind for a while, now. I got into this field because I wanted to help people. This was the first time, maybe the second, that I've met someone who I've concluded "psychiatry isn't going to help you." That was right there in me when he was shouting the death threats over his inability to get me to do what he wanted. That's part of where all that shaking came from, the indecision i had over that issue.

I spent some time talking about it with the patients though, immediately after it happened. I wanted to tell them everything I could about what happened and why without violating HIPAA. Mostly that just meant explaining, "Look, we don't evict people for getting pissed off and throwing trays. We evict people if they're voluntary admissions who aren't benefiting from therapy and are in fact making things worse for everyone, and taking up a bed for someone who might benefit from us." I ended up having three different patients give me some kind words throughout the day after everything happened, for that.

Some of my coworkers asked me if I wanted to press charges against the guy, but I didn't. He's not the type to go seeking vengeance, or trying to track me down, over this. Way more the type to push someone around, really the type to do anything they think they can get away with. Ultimately I pity him and people like him.

I was just worried enough that I asked my coworker to drive me home, to be safe. She and I talked for a while. I told her about how I heard one of my coworkers, an older guy who's just ready to retire, refer to the patients as "dogs" today. Of all fucking things. I want to get guys like him to stop, or change, or leave the field entirely and make room for new people coming in who treat the patients like people. But all the old nurses in this field seem to have learned to tolerate that kind of thing, and nobody wants to hear a new nurse say "stop."

I dunno. All this is gonna be on my mind for a while. I need to start keeping a list, on top of this journal. And I need to go read some ASPD success stories, or something.

#dear diary #diary entry #nursing #psych #psychiatry #psychosis #nurse #schizophrenia #ASPD #actually aspd

[ofhope-a]

Anonymous sent in this unprompted...

What do you call a herd of sheep falling down a hill? A lambslide.

for someone.

That sucks for the lambs, but I thought sheep and lambs were like, two different things?

That's the point, dumbass, it's one of those jokes that aren't supposed to make sense.

Aw man, that one's so bad — it's a pun, guys, it's supposed to be funny. It doesn't work 'cuz everyone knows they're two separate things!

It's funny because it's a lambslide! It's a bunch of 'lil lambs sliding around, like - like they're going ice skating! ... I thought it was funny. But... probably not for the reasons the person wanted it to be.

It's not funny because it doesn't make sense!

I dunno, I kinda' like the ice skating sheep thing. Makes a whole lot more sense than goats, sheep, and lambs all being different things!

#Long Post #I'm so sorry anon; I have no doubt you didn't intend on something like this occurring but I couldn't help myself. #I don't normally do this because it feels like extreme self-indulgence but I wanted to try himbo to himbo to himbo to- #... himbo communication. Uhh what to tag this as... their ics? #ic‚ galo. #ic‚ kanji. #ic‚ chie. #ic‚ yoimiya.

[therainningtown]

I Don’t Want To Wake Up To A World Without You In It: Belphegor X Mc

(You Can Be Anything In This Story, Species, Appearance, Age, Anything. Just Don’t Make It Weird.)

(This Is An AU Of Some Sorts So I Won’t Be Following The Exact Same Plot Of Obey Me. Like The Whole Chapter 16 Thing Won’t Happen And That This Takes Place Around Chapter 23 To 30.)

(So Basic Premise, Basically Your Food Was Poisoned With A Potion Due To A Demon Being Angry About The Exchange Program. Using The Potion To Have You, Try And Kill One Of Brothers. But You Finally Had Enough Energy To Puke Up The Potion.)

(But Not Without Consequences. Puking Up Blood To A Deadly Amount, Along With Your Already Weaken State. You Passed Out And Died, But The Brothers Didn’t Want To Believe It.)

(Lucifer Immediately Called Diavolo And Assistant For This Type Of Situation. When They Came, You Were Escorted To A High Rating Hospital.)

(But Once He Exited The Room You Were In. Barbatos Had News To Deliver.)

“Unfortunately, Mc Lost High Amounts Of Blood In Such A Short Amount Of Time. Which Is Said, They Died Before The Medical Aids Got To The House…”

“You Knew. Didn’t You?” Belphegor Walked Towards The Trusted Butler. “You Knew What Would Happen. And You Did NOTHING To Stop This Shit?!?!!” “Belphegor I Only Saw So Much, I Didn’t Know They Would—” “HA! Don’t Make Me Laugh You Moron. Are You Just Pulling Excuses Out Of Your Ass Now?”

…

“Well TELL ME?! Tell Everyone Here That You Just Can’t Deal With Your Mistakes And How You LET MC DIE!!!” Belphegor Almost Puked At Realization. “They Died. What’s Done Is Done Belphegor. No One Can Change The Outcome, I Only Warn Those Abou—” “NO! Mc Is The Only Person Who Could Do That. They Done So Many Things For Everyone And DONT You DARE Think They Can’t Change Your Ideal Furture!” “Belphie Please.” “NO BEEL! Aren’t You Going Miss Them Too? Because Of Mister Perfect And Mysterious. THEIR DEAD. And We Can Never…Ever Get Them Back.” Belphegor Took One Look Around The Hallway. Mammon Was Being Dependent On Lucifer’s Arms Around Him, While Leviathan Cried Into His Hands. Satan Gripped Asmo’s Jacket While Asmo Cried Loudly. While Beelzebub Was Trying His Best Not To Cry Or Scream.

“Belphegor. I’m Sorry About This, But Mc Wouldn’t Want You To Blame Anyone. Not Even Yourself.” Barbatos Held His Shoulder Before He Shook It Off. “You Disgust Me Barbatos, You Honestly Do. But You Loved Mc. Didn’t You?” The Butler Nodded, “That Blood Will Be On Your Hands Now, Even If Mc Didn’t Want Me Blaming You Or Your Precious Future King. But The Truth Is, It’s All Your Fault.”

“Hey! Hey!” Belphegor Was Shaken Awake By A Pair Of Hands, “Hmm…Five More Minutes.” He Waved His Hand, “But Don’t You Wanna See The Cows That Live Here?” “You’re Only Saying That Cause My Familiars Are Cows?” “Maybe? Maybe Not?” “You’re Mean Mc.” “Not As Much As You. Always Trying To Ruin Lucifer’s Day With Satan.” You Poked His Cheek, “Yeah, But It’s For A Good Cause.” “Pfft, Whatever You Say Pretty Boy.”

“Oh Look! The Sheep And Herding Dogs Are Also Out Today.” You Pressed Your Face Up Against The Window. Belphie Chuckled, “You’re Like A Kid Who Never Saw These Guys.” “Hmph Well, Cause It’s Always Fun To Look At Other Types Of Animals. Even Ones You See On The Daily.” “Like You For Example!” “Are You Saying I’m An Rabid Animal?!” “You Act Like One When You Don’t Get Enough Sleep. But No.” Belphegor Pouted As You Laughed, “It’s Because No Matter How Many Times We See Each. I’m Always Excited To See You.” You Pulled A Sweet Smile.

Belphegor Blushed And Looked Towards The Seats In Front Of You Both, “Oh~ Did I Make The Belphegor Blush?” You Poked His Cheek Before He Slapped It Away, “No, It’s Just Hot In Here.” “Hehe, Just Admit It.”

“Do We Really Have To Walk All The Way To The Cherry Tree?” Belphegor Groaned As You Huffed, “Yes, But Maybe Along The Way We Can Get A Little Cab Up On The Way.” “Why Couldn’t We Just Call One Now?” “Well I Mostly Wanted To Walk With You And Also It’s Good To Be More Active!” The Train Blew Its Horn Before It Started Going Off To Another Station.

“Ugh, You Remind Of Beel. Always Wanting Me To Be More, Active.” “Well I Don’t Want You Rotting Away On Your Bed Now Do I?” You Poked His Forehead. “Now C’mon, We Can’t Waste Our Precious Time Together!” You Grabbed His Hand And Your Backpack. “Woah! Mc Slow Down, Will Ya?!”

“*Huff* *Puff* How Could You Run For So Long Mc? Geez *Huff*” Belphegor Crouched Down While You Let Out A Breathy Laugh. “Sorry, Guess I Really Wanted To Get Here Quick.” You Pulled Him Up To His Feet. “But That Wasn’t So Bad Now Was It?” “Would’ve Been Better If You Didn’t Swing Across The Ground.” Belphegor Groaned. “Oh Stop It, C’mon We’re Almost There. We Just Need To Climb A Little Hill And Get Somethings Ready.” You Started Slowly Walking To The Passing While Belphie Puffed.

“Well Hello Belphie, Finally Caught Your Breath?” “Ugh.” He Faceplanted Onto The Soft Grass While You Deadpanned. “I Killed Him.”“You Good Belphie? I Got The Blanket Ready.” He Didn’t Response Only Letting Out A Muffled Groaned. “Ugh, Your Brothers Spoil You To Much.” You Grabbed His Arms And Dragged To Him The Fluffy Blanket. “Thanks.” “Yeah, Yeah. Now Get Up Mister Grumpy Pants.” Belphegor Moved His Head Up While Giving You A Glare. “I’m Not Grumpy.” “That Look On Your Face Is Giving Me Mixed Signals.” Belphegor Turned His Body To Face Towards The Sky As You Grabbed A Couple Drinks From Your Bag. “Here You Go.” “Thanks.”

…

“Hey Belphie?” “Huh?” Belphegor Looked Over To See You Drinking And Finally Putting It Down On The Grass. “What Do You Think Happens After We Die?” “Wow Morbid Question Right Off The Bat.” He Chuckled But You Didn’t. “But Honestly I Don’t Know. Maybe We Get Reincarnated Or Something. But If My Father Is The Decision Maker. I Think He Wouldn’t Be To Merciful With Me.” Belphegor Held His Head With His Palm. As You Let Out A Deep Sigh, “Well I Maybe I’ll Turn Into A Star.” “Why Is That?” “Well In The Human World. It’s Theorized That We All Have A Little Bits Of Stardust In Us.”

You Straighten Your Arm Out And Pretended You Held One Of The Specs. “So Instead Of Being A Little Bit Of A Star. I Wanna Become One.” You Smiled Halfheartedly, “That Seems Rather Bittersweet…” “But Then You Can Look At The Stars. See Me And Say, Heya Mc How Are You Tonight!” You Mocked His Voice A Little. Belphegor Chuckled, “Yeah, But You’re Not Going Away For Bit You Know That?” “Well…” You Frowned. “What If I’m Already Gone?” Belphegor Held His Breath, “Would You Ever Accept That? That I’m Not There To Sleep With You Or Make You And Beel Snacks? Or How You Could Never Hear Me Laugh Again? Would You Ever Accept That Reality?” He Let Out A Nervous Chuckle, “Well It Never Happen—” “Belphegor.” “You’re Not Accepting Reality Here.” Your Dead Voice Gave Him Shivers.

“You Have To Understand I’m Not There Anymore. And You Need To Understand That, Beelzebub Is Getting Worried, Lucifer Is Getting Worried. Everyone Is Getting Worried About You.” You Got Up And Walked A Little Bit Forward. “You Need To Accept That I’m Not There With You. So You Can Get Through The Grief And Move On.” “Please Mc. Sit Back Down, You’re Talking Non-sense Here…” Belphegor’s Voice Became Horsed. “I’m Sorry, But Please Understand I’m Doing This For You. So You Can Continue. Just Like How You Got Through The Lost Of Lilith. So Do The Same For Me…” “Wait!” “Goodbye, Belphie…” “WAIT! Mc Don’t Go—”

Belphie Shot Up With His Hand Outreached, Just Like His Dreamself Was Doing Before The Dream Was Abruptly Ended. “Mc…But I Need You Here To Help…Me.” Belphie Crossed His Arms And Tightly Held Onto The Sweater You Gave Him Just Last Year Before You Left. He Looked Over To His Nightstand, The Lilly Of The Valley. “Known To Ward Off Evil Sprits…” He Sniffled Before Throwing The Blanket Off, And Grabbed His Favorite Pillow Before He Started His Journey To The Tombs.

He Knew Cerberus Was On Watch For The Grimoire. But He Didn’t Really Care If The Massive Guard Dog Got Mad At Him. “He’ll Probably Understand Why I’m There.” His Steps Were Silent As Not To Wake Anyone. But Most Of His Brothers Were In Their Rooms Crying Over The Lost Of A Lover. Or Just Sleeping Away Their Grief, Just Like He Was Doing Earlier. Soon He Reached The Door And Unlocked It With His Magical Power, He Started The Descend Down The Stairs. When He Heard Claws Stepping Onto The Ground He Noted That Cerberus Looked At His Tired Eyes. “Hi Cerberus. I’m Just Here To See Them…” The Dog Went Away Near The Grimoire, Somewhat Understanding. Since Belphegor Went Down Here Many Times For The Same Reason.

Belphegor Held Onto His Pillow Tighter Has He Started Getting Closer To The Tomb Which Had Your Engraved Name. Along With Flowers That Somewhat Spilled Out The Edges Of The Grave. “Hello Again Mc.” He Started At Your Resting, Peaceful Face. He Held Out His Hand And Softly Stroked Your Cold Cheek. “It Happened Again, The Same Nightmare That You Weren’t Here. And Far Away Where I Couldn’t Reach You.” You Didn’t Reply, But Lay There With Flowers In Your Hold. “I Know It’s Silly But I Just Keep Getting It Over These Past Few Days. So I Might Just Sleep Here With You For A Bit. Until Those Nightmares Go Away.” He Shuffled And Sat On The Ground Near The Gravestone. “I’ll Let You Know If Breakfast Is Ready So We Can Eat It Together Tomorrow.” And He Placed His Head On His Trusted Pillow, But Before He Drifted Off,

“Sweet Dreams Mc…”

Heheh, I’m Not Sorry For This. Also I Got This Idea Cause I’ve Listening To I Love You So By THE WALTERS A Lot Recently.

#obey me mc #obey me x reader #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me asmodeus #obey me belphegor #obey me leviathan #obey me beelzebub #obey me satan #obey me angst #obey me shall we date #obey me au

[misanthrope-inside-me]

Memoir

            The cornerstone for success and personal development is frequently thought to be education. It reshapes our viewpoints, hones our abilities, and creates countless opportunities. Even the most committed and enthusiastic learners, though, occasionally have regrets about their academic careers. I welcome you to explore my own experiences in my memoir as I reflect on my deepest regrets and the priceless lessons people have taught me.

            I was once a good student trying to learn everything that I wanted to know and discover things that would pique my interest, but not until I had the chance to have a girlfriend. At first, I thought that having one would make my life better even thought I’m still young that time. I wanted to have one since all of my friends already have one and I can see through my eyes that they were having the time of their lives, it made me a bit jealous of how they spend their lives happily while I was still lost and didn’t have the motivation to study at all.

            At that time, my friend told me that he knew someone who’s looking for a boyfriend, I hesitantly asked him who the girl is and he told me the name and I quickly interacted with her and with just a couple of nights she became a part of my life that I couldn’t easily let go. I even went too far as I always choose to be with her instead of going to school. Some of my friends even told me that she’s only using me for her own good and they wanted me to break up with that girl, me being blindsided, didn’t even think of leaving the girl that I fell in love with.

            Some time came and I was starting to feel like I was drifting away from my family because I always run away from home as far as possible when I get into a conflict with my mother.

            “Ano na nangyayare sayo anak? Hindi ka naman ganyan dati! Kausapin mo naman ako!”

I stood silent and didn’t even think to look at my mother in the eyes.

“Di ka magsasalita dyan? Kausapin mo ko! Ibabato ko sa’yo to!”

After feeling like I was the only one who could understand myself, I left my house running like a horse without a lead.

Those words stabbed my heart and I was like a lost sheep in a herd, I felt like my family’s slowly drifting away at my presence and I was left all alone. But me being unaware and still have a mind of a child. Still chose to be with my girlfriend whom I think that would give me everything and every emotion that I would need to be satisfied with my life.

Until the time came when I saw her going out with another guy who’s not me but my friend. My heart shattered into a million pieces and I wasn’t able to pick up anything because of how it shattered. I cried and couldn’t handle my emotions because of how I treated her better than my family, than myself, than my friends. I was hurt and I couldn’t tell everyone because I cut everyone off in my life.

That’s when I realized that my mom still took the chance to talk to me even though I was at the lowest point of my life, even thought of committing suicide but I didn’t let it get through my mind because of how heart-broken I am. My mom talked to me saying

“You’re still young anak, you still have your dreams that you can achieve!”

“Meron pang ibang babae dyan na makikilala mo, na magttrato sayo ng tama, yung hindi ka lolokohin.”

After hearing those words, it hit me, realizing that no matter what happens, your family will always be there to listen to you, to help you, to encourage you, to make you get back up on your feet and continue living. Because mistakes can be lessons to be learned by a person. Like what happened to me, I learned to accept that not everything does not go my way in my life.

[reshuffleadventures]

9/17 Saturday - Slept in til 10:30 am. I cooked french toast for Josiah and Dorf for breakfast. After breakfast, we drove their rental car into the park. We drove through the tunnel to the East side of the park and parked at the earliest spot we could find which was maybe a half-mile away from the Canyon Overlook trailhead. We hiked to the end of the Canyon Overlook trail and enjoyed the beautiful view from way up there. After we finished our hike, we drove even further east, hoping to see some bighorn sheep. We found a HUGE herd of bighorns just east of the second, smaller tunnel! We took some photos of them, and then they crossed the road. Mission successful! We hiked all the trails they wanted to hike, and we got to see bighorn sheep! We drove home after that. We ate leftover pizza for lunch, and we started playing D&D around 4pm. We played D&D until around 11:30pm, with a 2.5 hour break for dinner. For dinner, I cooked everyone sweet potato quesadillas; I was a little in disbelief that I'd never cooked Josiah or Dorf my famous sweet potato quesadillas. So, I had to whip up a couple batches for those guys. Everybody loved them. After dinner, we got back to playing D&D. So all in all, we played D&D for about 5 hours. It was really fun! It was the first time we'd played D&D together, in person, since 2015.

[mono-lore]

Various Luke Characterizations

This post is missing a lot of context, which I should probably link to later. But here are some ideas @lunathrix had. (Part of the context is that at some point I decided all of the characters are gay furries now, and Luke in particular is a dogboy.)

Main idea: Luke was fully aware the Orb was made of chocolate and wanted to eat it from the start

As the middle way between dogs and humans, dog people are very intolerant to chocolate, but don’t die from it (unless they eat a ton maybe). 

Because of this, some more reckless dog people (deople?) want to eat chocolate even more as it is the forbidden snack

This is a commonly known fact, and as such other species will usually do their best to prevent deople from getting access to any chocolate

You know how you can broadly divide dog races into the group that got bred to do a few simple tasks (e.g. retrieving game for a hunter) who are great at listening to orders but have a dvd logo bouncing around in their heads at all times vs the ones that got bred to Handle Things on their own (e.g. herding sheep) and are the smart bois? Luke is a race of the former group and as a pureblood idiot wants nothing more than to consume the chocc

On his quest to acquire chocolate, he learned to disguise the fact that he’s a derson (dog person) by hiding his ears and tail like this (hey look it’s the idea that led to this whole google doc!):

This is nothing new for deople to do, Luke is just better at it than most because his parents helped him

It may seem counterintuitive that his parents are helping him eat the semi-poisonous food. It turns out they do love him but they are simply also idiots and also went on the same quest when they were young. So now they want to help him too!

For some reason he gets asked to help on the quest to recover the cursed orb. Somehow he also knows that it’s made of chocolate (there’s also some really good lore reason for the orb to be made of chocolate)

Maybe on his quest to acquire chocolate he’s helping everyone he encounters who needs it (because next to an idiot he’s also a very good boy) and his skill in combat is noticed?

 He accepts the quest seemingly because he just wants to help get rid of the cursed object. While this is partially true, he really just wants to eat it.

The fact that he wants to eat it is unknown to both the player, who only gets to see Luke’s dialogue and not his thoughts, and his party members, who are all various flavors of idiot and don’t see through Luke’s poorly disguised intentions.

The first person to notice his true intentions is the other person trying to acquire the orb in Rhapsody city

Despite being one of the first people in the story with more than two brain cells functioning at any given time, Luke ends up saving him in Rhapsody city from something really spooky or whatever. And then he bails with the orb (but feels bad about not giving it to the other guy).

Regrettably for him, he gets feelings for Luke after being saved by him, therefore becoming the (main?) love interest (enemies to lovers anyone?)

While he was initially trying to get the orb because he was ordered to do so by the big bad, he gradually ends up trying to take the orb from Luke to prevent him from poisoning himself, thereby fulfilling the “What’s that in your mouth? SPIT THAT OUT!” role

#character #source: google doc #luke campbell #2023 #may 2023 #though it was actually written by #mod lunathrix #mod tagohd

[beautifullychaoticworld-blog]

I wonder if I should marry because everyone around me is doing it (don’t think it’s a good idea to follow the herd of sheep)... because at least I will say that I was married (won’t be a spinster anymore)... or because I’m being pressured into it by friends and the men who wanna date me... 

However I’m still not ready with anyone who ever wanted to date me so far... does that mean I have to be with someone who I do not feel attracted to, do not find attractive and do not really like at all just to say I’m married and have someone to have sex with? I never really wanted kids either... and married people eventually have kids and raise them which is really hard and expensive... 

Don’t think I will be happy (as right now I’m not getting someone who I truly desired or liked but someone who liked me and picked me instead which means he has to convince me to be with him)

Also the thought of becoming a mother makes me nauseous... don’t wanna go through all of this (pregnancy, childbirth, raising one or two kids and taking care of an adult man too, doing the housework and having a successful career on top of that... just too much work). Not to mention just how limited it would make me feel and like I can never relocate again since I’m settling down... 

Family life never really appealed to me either... Used to live with couples and the girls always looked sooo miserable (a lot more than the guys) and overworked... seen my friends go through breakups and separations... I was also abused (dumped once) by men in the past which makes me not trust them enough to wanna marry them... 

I think I might’ve gone through a Saturn Return in the past few years (since I was around the ages of 27 and 30)... “Saturn is currently in Aquarius and has been since December 2020. If your Saturn is in Aquarius, that means you’re currently experiencing a Saturn return and will be until March 2023″

I did not feel like it was too bad, the lessons that I had to learn from this Saturn Return thing (I love astrology and I’m a bit of a geek)... there was some talks about responsibility (when it comes to having sex, marriage and relationships) while I was dating, mortality (having a brain tumor, going through covid and getting and recovering from covid, people around me dying and coming to terms that I might die some day too). I went through a transition to becoming an aunt (since my sister had two babies and I even held a baby before) and leaving the city where I studied for university, also leaving the uni environment behind, moved back home where it’s safe for me... 

I get a feeling I’m going to be unhappily married if I go on that road just because I’m this age where everyone around me is married... because I’m going to settle for someone I do not find attractive, may not be attracted to and he likes me but I don’t as much lmao (only taking him because he’s available and because he made it clear he likes/wants me only to find out that I’m not ready with him haha)... on top of that I had to learn the hard way that I have to lower my standards a bit. Too bad I can’t get and have the guys that I actually liked or wanted naturally, eventhough some were already taken... Love sux. It makes me sad that I’m probably not going to be with someone who I really liked or felt like I deserved... or I just can’t be with someone who I like.... also yes everything is one-sided... 

#marriage #i have all the opportunities to marry at times because have men coming up to me but #i'm still not ready with anyone... #i don't like them as strongly as they seem to like me... #saturn return