#he doesn’t even know what the next couple years hold and it breaks my heart

[tiva2023vibes]

“If you’re lucky enough to be a father, and I hope you are, you’ll understand” - Anthony DiNozzo Sr., 13x19

And at the very moment these words cross his lips, a little girl is out there being soothed by a mother who longs for one man and one man only. The father of her child, the love of her life, the man who has matured so much before her eyes and even more so without her

#and I sob #just imagine the thoughts running through Tony’s head when his dad says that #not knowing that his own flesh and blood is on the planet #he’s going to be such a good dad #he doesn’t even know what the next couple years hold and it breaks my heart #tony dinozzo #tiva #ncis #ncis 13x19 #tali dinozzo

[lovebugism]

hi bug! Can I request you a ditzy or shy!reader where some girl flirts with Steve in front of her maybe at Family Video? Little angsty because she feels insicure of herself? Thank you🩷

ty for requesting!! — steve doesn't realize he's being flirted with because he's so in love with you (ditzy!fem!r, hurt/comfort, 1.6k)

You color in a scribbled heart with enough vigor to break the pink crayon in your hand.

Steve always hangs your drawings in his locker in the Family Video break room, so you tend to take your art pretty seriously. ‘Cause there’s absolutely nothing humorous about the two stick figures holding hands — each of them vaguely resembling the both of you — that you’re passionately scribbling behind the front counter.

He’d watch you work your magic on a piece of lined scrap paper if he could. He’s too busy tending to a regular now. Mia, he thinks, or maybe Maia. She rents movies every week, but according to the system, she doesn’t watch a single one of them. 

“Well, what do you recommend?” she questions with a smirk on her painted lips, leaning her elbows on the counter until her chest juts out.

Steve leans slowly backward and tries not to cough at the overwhelming scent of her fruity perfume. “Uh… I don’t know,” he answers with an unenthusiastic shrug. “I usually just watch whatever.”

The girl squints her dolled-up eyes. “You don’t have a favorite movie?” 

Steve ponders the question for a moment. ‘Cause he doesn’t have one, really. All his favorite films are your favorites because he spends the majority of movie nights watching you instead.

So, at a loss of how to answer, he tells her your first choice. “The Star Wars movies are pretty alright.”

“Do you have them here?” she wonders.

Steve nods and points her in the other direction. “Yeah. In the Sci-Fi section.”

“Can you show me?” the girl questions with a hopeful glint in her pale eyes. Everything about her sparkles with mischief, like a predator hunting for prey. Stealthy, like a ninja, Steve would’ve called the approach a couple years ago. Long before he found you.

He’s more into forthright proclamations of love these days — bubblegum pink lipstick stains pressed to his cheek and handmade pictures drawn in crayon.

But, for the sake of Keith totally reaming him for not helping a customer, Steve nods and rounds the front counter. “Uh. Yeah. Sure. Follow me,” he urges halfheartedly, sparing you a forlorn glance as he goes. You’re much too distracted to see it, though.

You’re too distracted to notice most things, really.

That’s why Robin’s angrier than you are about the whole thing. She exhales a big huff and stands across from you, peering over the tower of tapes there. “God, he’s so oblivious,” she groans.

Your hand freezes as you color in Steve’s vest. You glance up at her with wide eyes, heart sinking at the annoyed look on her freckled features. “Huh?”

“Steve. That girl’s been drooling over him for five minutes, and he hasn’t even realized.”

Your brows pinch. “What girl?”

“The one that’s hanging all over him,” Robin answers, nodding her head to the other side of the store. The girl in question lingers at Steve’s side, a little too close to be casual. She hangs on every word he says — which certainly can’t be a whole lot, considering he knows next to nothing about that Star Wars franchise.

“I thought she was just being nice,” you shrug.

“She was flirting with your boyfriend,” Robin corrects in a monotone. “It was disgusting. I’m pretty sure her flirt got all over my pants.”

You look back at the two across the room. Steve tenses when the pretty redhead presses her chest against his arm. For the sake of not making things totally awkward, he forces himself not to shrink away. What had seemed virtually innocuous to you now makes your stomach ache. 

“She’s so pretty…” you observe quietly to yourself. 

Robin only scoffs. “Yeah. If you’re into girls like that.”

You don’t know exactly what she means, but it makes you lean slightly forward in interest anyway. “Do you think… Do you think Steve’s into girls like that?”

“No,” Robin answers, features twisted like it’s obvious. “He’s into girls like you.”

For the first time ever, you find that slightly hard to believe. Why would Steve ever pick you over someone like her? The way she smiles is pretty. The way she laughs is pretty. Even the way she talks is pretty.

And what do you have? A couple of stupid crayon portraits?

A strange feeling sears your chest when Steve and the pretty girl walk back to the counter. He must’ve told her a joke or something ‘cause she tips back her head to laugh loudly in response. Jealous tears sting your eyes accordingly. You take your art and your box of dull crayons and scurry off to the break room.

“I can help you check out!” Robin offers, suddenly very chipper. 

The redhead’s face twists. “Oh. I thought that—”

“Steve’s needed in the breakroom, actually,” Robin tells her when the stranger’s pleading eyes flit to the boy beside her. “I can handle it from here.”

“Wait— What’s in the breakroom?” he wonders obliviously.

“Your girlfriend, dingus.”

Steve blinks once. The sudden lack of your presence makes his chest ache. He stalks off to find you without another word.

The redhead, Mia or Maia or whatever, doesn’t bother to disguise the shock painting her dainty features. “Girlfriend?” she echoes, quiet with disbelief.

Robin nods and takes the tapes from her hands, knowing she’s only renting them ‘cause she thought Steve liked them. The scanner beeps as she rings them up. “Yeah. He’s kinda in love with her, turns out. It’s disgusting.”

The conversation fades the further Steve gets down the hall. He opens the door to the back room with a grating squeak. The rusted hinges screech again in protest when he swings it shut behind him. He finds you slouched over the table, vehemently scribbling with vibrantly colored crayons.

He can’t help but smile at the sight of you. “Whatcha doin’?” he lilts in place of a greeting, sliding back a chair to sit across from you.

“Nothin’…” you mutter distantly.

Steve folds his arms over the tabletop and rests his chin on top of them. It bobs with every word. “Why’d you leave me, huh?”

You shrug with a faint I don’t know type of sound.

“Can I see what you’re drawing, at least?” 

He grins and reaches for you without thinking — because you always let him see. Needless to say, when flinch suddenly away from him, it scares him far more than it should. You scramble to cover the paper with your arms like you’re doing something wrong. 

“No,” you answer in a mousy voice.

A chuckle spills from Steve’s mouth. “What? Why? You always show me.”

“It’s stupid…”

“It’s not stupid! I love when you draw stuff for me,” the boy insists with a lopsided smile, distantly surprised by your sheepishness. The pretty pink grin slips from his mouth at the crestfallen glint in your eye. He softens without thinking. “What’s wrong? What happened? Did— Did Robin say something?”

“No.” 

“Then what?”

You avert your eyes from his prying ones, feeling half-suffocated beneath his honeyed gaze. You start to color again with an absentminded hand, if only to have something else to look at. “You’re just…” you trail off, shifting uncomfortably in your chair. “You’re too pretty.”

He laughs before he means to. “What?”

“You’re pretty, and I don’t like that other people get to look at you,” you confess quietly, coloring in Steve’s hair with the ‘deep golden’ crayon. “It’s not fair— No one else should think you’re as beautiful as I do. I don’t like that.”

Steve props his chin on his palm and hides his grin behind his fingers. He reaches for your busy hand with his free one to get your attention. “Well, you know what?” he starts when your eyes flit up to his. “You’re the only one I want looking at me. So what everyone else thinks doesn’t really matter.”

“It is when they’re drooling all over you,” you answer with a scrunched nose.

Steve can’t help but scoff out a laugh. Those words have Robin Buckley written all over them. 

“Last I heard, Rob was giving that girl what for, so… you don’t have to worry about that anymore,” he tells you, both to soothe the misplaced jealousy and to make you smile. He thinks it only half works. “Can I tell you a secret?”

You perk up at that. Steve grins and leans in close like he’s about to confess something serious. His dark eyes twinkle with mischief. 

“I’m so stupid in love with you that I forget other girls exist sometimes,” he murmurs in true secret-spilling fashion. “And when they’re… drooling all over me? I don’t even see it. ‘Cause all I’m thinking about is how I have my own girl back home. And that I’d much rather have her drooling on me.”

“…Am I the girl?” you press in a tiny voice, just to be sure.

“Yes, baby, I’m talking about you,” Steve chuckles. “You should know that— You’rethe one drooling on my pillow every morning.”

Your nose scrunches sheepishly. “You’ve said that word too many times… It doesn’t sound real anymore.”

“What’s that called again?”

“Semantic satiation,” you answer without missing a beat.

“Well, now I’m gonna tell you I love you ’til you’re semantically satiated,” the boy teases with a knowing squint in his eyes. “‘Cause I love you.”

“Steve.”

“I love you.”

“Stop,” you say, sterner now, though your gaze still glimmers with something soft. Your eyes follow his form when he rises from the table, shifting the short distance to sit in the chair closest to you. “Steve, stop—”

“I love you,” he repeats, anyway, taking you into his arms and smacking a dramatic kiss to your warm cheek. Between each innocuous peck, he mumbles, “I love you— I love you— I love you—”

Steve doesn’t stop kissing you until he hears you giggling again. The pretty sound brightens the dull breakroom. And all he can think about is what a lucky schmuck he is. To get to kiss you and make you laugh forever.

#published by bug #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x y/n #steve harrington x you #stranger things x reader #stranger things #steve harrington #stranger things fic #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things fanfic #stranger things imagine #steve harrington fanfiction #steve harrington fic #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington imagine #st drabbles #stevie drabble

[chrollohearttags]

“silly boy, come find me when you’re older!” • a. artlert

synopsis: two lovers realize their relationship isn’t meant to be but that doesn’t mean they have to part ways forever..

content + themes: fem!reader (black coded), age gap (2-3 years, armin is 19, reader is 21-22) college au-ish (armin is going to nursing school + reader is a business grad), star-crossed lovers trope, angst + comfort, missionary, riding, hand holding, heavy kissing, crying (not dacryphila), accidental creampie, pet names (baby, mama, baby boy, angel), drug mentions, he gets possessive for like .2 seconds.

word count: 3.1K

📝: I have been so in love with fluff and the idea of soft smut lately (maybe it’s the holidays, maybe it’s my hormones..who knows!) but this is a part of a new au I’m starting! A new story that’ll be coming out soon and I can’t wait. For now, enjoy one of several side fics to accompany it! Also, please tell me y’all know this title reference 😭

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“I really wish you wouldn’t look at me like that…”

the phrase seemed to have alluded him yet again..slipping through one ear and out the next. Almost as if only his body was present and his mind and spirit were elsewhere. It was to be expected though..

“..armie..? Aren’t you going to say something, baby? Anything?..”

you had just confided in him quite possibly the worst thing ever. In truth, his heart was breaking and there wasn’t a single thing that either of you could do to mend it. Although, you felt solely responsible..that the reason for his pain was entirely your fault. But it was a necessary confession nonetheless. One that you truly believed would benefit you both. Distance. Distance between the two of you so that he could properly pursue his education. A long sought after dream of becoming a nurse. Following directly in his mother’s footsteps and making her proud..it was all Armin ever wanted. As it stood, that was a mere concept and it was thanks to the girl lying next to him. His sweet, beloved (y/n). The (y/n) he reunited with at a house party one night and had been wildly entangled with ever since. Hooking up, drinking and smoking…what most peers your age was doing but you also had bigger aspirations for both Armin and yourself. He wanted to become a registered nurse, working with children and you were already two years deep into your collegiate journey as a business major. Laser focused and ambitious..ready to conquer your goals. You couldn’t waste your lives away in the back of his car, hotboxing and having sex. As fun as this little whirlwind romance was, you had to cut things off. At least for the foreseeable future..for both of your sakes. It wasn’t an easy decision in the slightest and you were far more torn up by the situation than what you were letting on but it had to be done. Regardless of your emotions..

“..I just don’t understand..I mean, is there someone else? Why don’t you want me anymore?…”

there it was..underneath all of those newly etched tattoos, shaggy blonde locks and suave charm lied that sweet, gentle boy. The same nerdy kid you’d first encountered whilst attending the same high school. Although two years apart, you found him to be adorable and couldn’t help but to grace the awkward brainiac with a smile every morning on his visits to the library. A beautiful goddess like you even acknowledging him? He was grateful for that alone! But it wasn’t until his senior year did the two of you reconnect. By that time, he had shed his thick, wire framed glasses for icy blue contacts to match his own..grew out his blonde bowl cut to a curly shag and had even acquired a couple of art pieces on his arm. Not to mention, gained some muscle from playing basketball. Some say you were the catalyst for his sudden change. Although this appearance was new, deep down, he was still that wide eyed genius with unbelievable intelligence. And best believe, your kindness wasn’t lost on him. So it came as no surprise, when you happened to cross paths with him at a graduation party that your younger sister, who happened to be in the same class with him, was attending..he found the courage to finally talk to you face to face. All of his newfound confidence flew out of the window when he saw you..that ethereal skin, deity like features and of course, that smile. That smile that made his heart flutter. “You haven’t changed a bit, baby boy…”

certainly his looks had, but you saw through all of that. You saw Armin for who he truly was and for that, he couldn’t allow you to slip away without confessing his true feelings. So that night, with liquor in his veins, he charmed you with sweet words and told you that he’d always had the biggest crush on you. It didn’t take long for you guys to get involved..days after that party, you began seeing one another. Both romantically and intimately. However, your relationship wasn’t exactly conventional or ideal..you were good for each other, perhaps a little too well. Because every moment that presented itself, you’d find yourself in every bed, couch, bathroom or backseat..going at it like rabid animals. The sex was insane and you couldn’t get enough of each other. It was only coupled by the sensation of the drugs coursing your veins..stimulants that sent your mind to places you didn’t need to be. Although there was never a single fight between you two, you knew the relationship wasn’t a healthy one. You encouraged each other’s worst habits. He had gotten a full ride scholarship to his dream school and you had obtained several as well for your ideal program. But you both stood to lose those if you didn’t make some changes. Ditching class to go smoke and then fucking him in every square inch of your off campus apartment. Sending him nudes and salacious messages during class, along with always being underneath each other. He’d never be able to focus and stay on track at this rate! Hence why you had to be the mature one and break things off. Even if it brought you to tears as well. So with a shaky palm, as you lay in bed next to one another, you’d bring a hand to his face and quell his doubts.

“You couldn’t possibly think that..you're the only one I want, Armin. I swear on everything..but..we can’t keep doing this. I love you so much but we’re no good for each other. At least not right now..”

but he’d attest, almost immediately. Insisting that he could buckle down and focus on his goals at hand. However, your mind was made up. That blind obsession and adoration for you would never allow him his room for growth. It wasn’t fair. Here you were only another year shy of receiving your degree and he was barely even started. You had to give him a fair shot, even if it meant removing yourself from the equation. You had even found an internship. He’d try to talk you out of it, convince you that he could juggle both college and you but regardless of how smart he was, nursing school was an entirely different beast in and of itself. It would require his full attention and dedication if he wanted to be an exceptional caregiver. No drugs, no distractions…no you. His studies deserved all of his time.

“So why can’t we make it work then? Isn’t that what couples do or was I nothing more than a joke?”

“Armin…”

in that moment, he’d tug away and roll over onto his side, giving you the proverbial cold shoulder and it stung like hell. The last thing you wanted to do was fight the man you loved. If anything, you wished things could stay like this forever. But you both had growing up to do and until that happened, it was best you parted ways.

“..I have an idea..”

But it wasn’t something that had to be permanent..for now though, there was no need to be upset with one another when you could spend your remaining time enjoying yourselves. Gently pulling him back towards you, you’d maneuver your legs until you were able to crawl on top of him. Those long acrylics scaled his freshly tattooed chest as you gently straddled his waist..at that moment, his little cheeks flushed red and you’d feel his breathing becoming slightly heavier. You’d lean down and begin peppering light kisses to his temple and all around his face..all while slowly rolling your hips against his crotch. With you, he was vulnerable..at his softest and would undoubtedly listen to whatever you said. “I’m all ears..”

that’s when you’d devise a plan that you believed that both of you could agree upon. An agreement of sorts.. “..two years..in two years, we can see each other again, just like this. We’ll work hard and reach our goals. You’ll be in your senior year, doing clinicals and I’ll be at my new job. We can find a place and finally start our lives together. Armin, I love you so much and I don’t want to see you throw your life away. Please..promise me you’ll find your way back to me when you’re ready. When we’re both in a better place..” once he spotted your tearful plea and heard the tone in your voice, he knew what had to be done. Personal feelings aside..you were absolutely right. He knew if he stood any chance of keeping you in his life, he had to blossom into a grown man that you could be proud of. One that was worthy of being called yours. Reaching up, Armin would grasp your hand and bring it to his lips for a gentle kiss, holding it close. He wanted to remember that feeling..savor it and savor you as well. God, he didn’t want you to leave, he wasn’t ready to say goodbye!..but this was the only way. The only way he could ensure that he got to have you in the long run. He wanted you two to grow old together so he’d make this temporary sacrifice to be able to share an eternity with you.

“..you have my word, angel. I promise..I promise I’ll come back to you a better man than what I’ve been..”

“Then take me…right here.”

just then, you’d feel his hand snake up your spine and tug you down towards his chest..not another word was exchanged. Just slow, tender pecks and breathy moans..immersed in the covers and in one another, you’d allow the moment to take you both. Your palms cupping his cheek and his gripping your ass, you’d tousle around underneath the sheets. It didn’t take long for the endearing moment to become rather heated but it was a true testament of the passion between you two. In a moment of haste, his nails would gently dig into the curvature of your back as you leaned up. In a matter of minutes, you’d feel his once flaccid erect growing harder underneath you. The sensation of your dripping heat making direct contact with him..and it was driving him crazy! He needed you so badly right now and you were just the same.

“Armieeee..”

calling out with a high pitched whimper as you ground yourself against him. You couldn’t stop either..almost as if you’d simply combust if you were to be pulled away from him right now. Frail cries would escape his lips as well but he’d find a semblance of control to satisfy your desires, which took precedence over everything else.

“Yes, baby? Tell me what you need..”

cooing to you in that sweet, loving tone that always managed to turn you to meet putty in his hands every time. You were still hopelessly rutting yourself against him; arousal overflowing from between your thighs that quickly. He knew what you wanted but he needed to hear you say the fateful words..give him instruction and guidance the way you had always done. “Hey, look at me, mama..” gently snatching your head forward and forcing eye contact as your chest heaved. “N-need you. Need you so bad, baby..please. Make love to me..” and with that whiny declaration, he’d make haste in fulfilling your wish. With a cocked smile, Armin would reign you in tighter, reaching for you. “Then here..take my hands, angel..” on his command, your hands would join in a gentle clasp, combining as one as you adjusted your lower half to align with his. He’d buck his hips upward and you’d lower yourself down as your bodies became one… meeting in an instant. “Fuck…” the word escaping your mouths simultaneously along with gentle moans. That seemed to be the theme for the night. A stark comparison to the wild nights you shared together previously. Perhaps.. it was the realization that this was really the last time you’d get to do this for a while. That he wouldn’t be able to feel the comfort of your body, to smell your intoxicating scent..to clash with your plump lips..to taste the sticky gloss that coated them. To stare into those gorgeous brown eyes. So as he lie underneath you, being rode to kingdom come as your tightness constricted around him once more, Armin would close his eyes and absorb every memory, every fiber of you..ensuring that he’d never forget his first and true love.

“There you go, baby. Right there..ride me—fuck!”

and he couldn’t possibly forget how you made him feel. How you set him ablaze with your overwhelming passion..still bound hand in hand, heart to heart, you’d keep going. Throwing your head to the wind and calling out your lover’s name, lifting it to the heavens as you bounced up and down. Taking him to your hilt; allowing that swollen tip to prod your most sensitive area. “Armin, baby! Yes..oh my gosh, you feel so good.” For the first time, you didn’t just fuck him. His flesh was more than a mere vessel of pleasure..it was your soul becoming one with his own. You were experiencing true pleasure in its purest form..and neither of you wanted it to end. Finally opening his eyes, he’d be greeted by the ethereal view of your breasts swaying and your beautiful face throwed in ecstasy filled bliss. “Aw, baby..you’re so beautiful. My favorite view in the entire world.” Smiling as tears streamed generously down your cheeks. “Oh my God—I love you, Armin! I love you so much.” Confessing with all that you could muster. And that warm, gushing sensation derived from your sex wasn’t lost on Armin either. He’d find himself in a fit of heaving as your walls closed in around his cock. Squeezing him as if to never let go. “Ahh!-shit..I love you too, baby!—“

in that moment, he could no longer hold back his urges. His need to claim full dominion over you..hastily, he’d bring you to a cease before maneuvering and flipping you over onto your back. It was then that he’d mount you. Diving between your legs as he held each in place. He didn’t even take a moment to adjust. It was mere seconds before you’d find yourself filled with him yet again and he’d begin his descent into your mix. Sloshing and drumming up slick as your thighs collided in a fiery haze. The bed..the one that you’d messed around in so many times before served as the place of consummation for your devotion tonight..ricocheting and colliding with the wall as thunderous slams erupted. Your limbs entangled as your legs found home around his waist and your arms on his back. His entire frame lay bare and pressed to your own as those hips crashed into you. It felt unreal..so unbelievably unreal. But this was the present..your reality for the time being so you’d savor every last moment you got together. Drilling further into your body, his pace sped to a barrage of more steady, consistent strokes. Ones that he would accompany with sloppy tongue kisses. Filling your mouth with them as he pounded you gently. You couldn’t keep your hands off of each other. Regardless of how many times you slept together, something about this moment was starkly different. “Look at me, (y/n)!…” once again, snatching your head forward to meet his gaze. “You’re mine..you’re mine and I don’t give a damn where you go. I belong to you, you hear me? Don’t forget that..” those tears that had been brimming in his eyes finally fell and you’d affirm his sentiment with a fierce nod of your head, assuring him that no amount of distance or time could ever dissipate the love you shared for one another. “Yes baby! And I’m all yours, forever. I won’t ever leave you.” Sealing your promises with one final act..

“Yeah? You mean that?” “Every word, baby. I want you to always be with me..” Vocalizing back and forth as he continually thrashed around inside of your pussy until he sensed the urge that you were close. Upholding one another’s heads in a passionate fury, you’d exchange breathy words amid your love making. Telling him you’re near your peak and him telling you to let go. “Come for me, baby. You can come all over—“ but alas, before he could grant you permission, it would seem that he’d reach his climax first; glaring with a wide eyed expression as his seed filled you to the brim..something he’d never done before! Cursing himself and apologizing as he shook violently, draining every drop of himself into you. Perhaps he took your words a bit too literal but it was far too late to turn back now and shortly after, you’d follow. Showering him with a splatter of sticky rain. Squeezing and dripping all down his shaft. You’d convulse and flail around the mattress until he was able to quell you with gentle kisses. “I’m right here, mama. Let it out, it’s okay..” but once you were back into consciousness, you still wouldn’t let go and you remained entangled like this minutes afterwards. Exchanging “I love you’s” and sweet nothings. Along with tears..shedding them not for what would be lost but the time you had together and the comfort in knowing that you’d reunite soon enough. This time as more than friends with benefits or even mere freshmen sweethearts. But as an entity, an item that could never be separated because your bond was forged on a stronger foundation than one made of pure lust. It was love that would drive you to be better versions of yourselves, to work hard and it was love..that would bring you right back to one another when the time was truly right!

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@citysweet @greenieweeniesworld @hoohoohope @c0pkiller @bey0nseh @violetxxvenom @dragonmaiden79 @fuck-your-chickenstrips-hoe @saiki-enthusiast

#armin arlert #armin arlet smut #armin artlert #armin x black reader #armin arlet x reader #armin arlet x black reader #aot x black reader #black reader #aot au #black reader smut #aot drabbles #armin drabble #armin x reader #armin aot #armin smut #armin arlet headcanons #snk armin #armin attack on titan #armin arlet imagines #armin x you #black fem reader #college au #aot armin #attack on titan #attack on titan au #cw drugs #cw angst #armin fluff #angst and comfort #aot smut

[kxsalt]

An evening of laughter over dinner. The young lady sits at the table with a couple, sharing wine and stories. Ever since the pair had moved back into the city, she had quickly grown very close to her friend and her new husband. From the first time she saw them together, the single girl thought they were a perfect couple. She watches them share a kiss with a pang of jealousy and another emotion her inexperienced soul can’t quite describe yet.

A week later the girl rides the train home after a terrible date. The woman had no romantic intentions and was only interested in selling health supplements. Already exhausted, she opens her dating app to see a hundred shirtless men holding fish. She closes it again with a frustrated grunt. The girl arrives at her station and starts to make her way through the crowd.

Up ahead, in the throng of people, she spots her newlywed friend. Her heart jumps, and she pushes through the mob to try and get close to her. I can’t wait to tell her about my horrible date. Maybe she’ll want to hear about it over dinner again. That unfamiliar feeling returns. Getting closer, her friend steps out of the human traffic, standing with a man she doesn’t recognize. The girl is only a few metres away, but invisible among the other passengers.

She watches her friend pull the strange man in for a kiss.

Disbelieving her own eyes, the girl freezes. Even as annoyed people bump into her, she watches, mouth agape as the married woman makes out with the stranger.

What am I seeing. I must be crazy. She wouldn’t cheat on him, they’re both perfect… for each other. I must have this person mistaken for my friend.

The kiss breaks and the woman laughs. A laugh as unique as a fingerprint. The girl sees every detail of her smile.

Oh god, it is her. Why me? What am I going to do?

She returns to her empty apartment, feeling strangely heartbroken. Her husband is an amazing man, doesn’t he deserve to know? Is it none of my business? How could she do this? The next few days are torment. Wracked with guilt from her involuntary secret, she decides to take the unenviable step of telling him about his wife’s infidelity. I have to. It would hurt him more if I didn’t tell him. And it would help her in the end. That unfamiliar feeling cracks through her fear.

Arriving at the couple’s home, the girl feels like she’s going to have a heart attack. Welcoming her in, the married man makes her a cup of tea. The girl is obviously distraught, and he tries his best to calm her down so she can talk. A word salad spills from her mouth, and she starts to cry as she explains what she saw. The man’s face falls as the girl becomes more overwrought. She finishes her story, looking at his soft, compassionate expression.

“I am so sorry that you saw that. I can see how upsetting this is to you. We were always worried that something like this would happen. I’m sorry it was you.”

The girl stops crying, disoriented by his response. She expected him to be angry, or sad, or devastated. But his only concern is for her. He doesn’t seem hurt in the slightest. The man brings her some tissues and encourages her to drink her tea. Sitting down beside her on the couch, he gently starts to explain.

“When we first started dating, we were seeing other people, too. It kind of just… never stopped. We felt comfortable with it, and we knew we wanted to be with each other… It’s changed a lot over the years. When we became official, we would give each other passes, for a date or a night of fun. Always equal. We agree on a pass, we each hook up with someone, and then we come back together. I know it’s unusual, but it works for us.”

The girl is bewildered by his explanation. He continues:

“When we got married, we knew it would change again. We both want to settle down, find a different way for us to do stuff like this without chasing random people. Actually, this pass is supposed to be the last time... Like that at least. I’m so sorry that you got so upset by what we’re doing. You’re a good friend, I know you care about both of us so much. I can see how that would terrify you.”

Her head swims, she stares at the wall. The adrenaline of her mission has worn off, replaced by confusion and embarrassment. He calls his wife and asks her to come home early, so they can explain everything together. A half hour later, she rushes through the door and envelops the young girl in a big hug. The couple holds hands while they answer her questions. The girl relaxes. Her heart warms when she sees them kiss, confirmation of their love.

Feeling as if she has intruded enough, she gets ready to leave. Excusing herself to the bathroom before she goes, the girl sits on the toilet pondering the night’s conversation.

Out of all the possible outcomes, this is the best I could have hoped for. She washes her hands. The best I could realistically hope for. The girl is confused by her own line of thinking. Anything better would be impossible. She dries her hands. What else could I wish for? The girl stares at herself in the mirror, that strange new feeling wells up inside of her, stronger than ever before.

Leaving the bathroom, she finds her friend waiting for her.

“Thank you for being so understanding… I know it’s a lot. I know you came here because you wanted what was best for us, even though it was scary. I admire that. He admires that. You’re a good friend.”

“Thanks, I’m sorry I got so far up in your business… Good luck now that you’re through the ‘giving out passes’ phase. I hope whatever you two do together brings you closer together.”

“Oh, well, we’re not quite done with the pass thing yet.” She subtly points into the living room. “He hasn’t used his pass yet.”

“Ah, well, if I see him with a girl I won’t come crying to you. Haha.”

“Haha, yeah. I mean he could use it with whoever he wanted to. That’s how it works.”

“Right, you explained that earlier.”

An awkward pause drags through the conversation.

“Do you want to stay for dinner tonight?”

“I feel like I already overstayed my welcome.”

“You haven’t. I feel like we should make it up to you.”

“Uh, maybe? I don’t know.”

“I want you to fuck my husband.”

The conversation screeches to a halt. The girl stares at her friend, dumbfounded. They start to talk over one another. You don’t think I’ve been trying to sleep with him, do you? No, I just thought you might like to try it. I wouldn’t want to cause any trouble. It’s no trouble. Wouldn’t it be weird? I don’t think so. Does he even want to? He’s brought it up before. Isn’t that weird? I brought it up first. I’m wearing ugly underwear. I could let you borrow something.

“I’m afraid it would feel like cheating.”

“I could watch, to support you. So you know it’s okay.”

The young lady’s heart almost leaps from her chest. Why did that convince me? At a loss for words, she nods her head.

Standing naked in the couple’s bedroom, she paws through her friend’s clothing. A mixture of fear and excitement whirs though her mind. Taking out a tiny pink thong, she slips it on and steps in front of the mirror. Her familiar emotions mix with the unfamiliar ones. Why does it feel so hot, wearing her lingerie?

A knock at the door, her friend enters. “You look beautiful.” The young girl blushes unexpectedly at the compliment. “My husband will love you. Are you ready?” Another emotion, another nod, more confident this time. She summons her husband.

He gives her a kind smile as he walks into the room. A loving peck on his partner’s cheek, and the man steps towards the new girl. His arms wrap around her waist and their lips touch. They surprise each other with a deep, passionate kiss. Their tongues flirt, their noses rub, their hands roam. His kisses work down her cheek, and into her neck. The girl gasps and looks over to his wife. Relief and joy as she sees her gorgeous smile. His wife’s lips move, whispering. Keep going.

Eager to please them, she reaches down to feel his cock bulge in his pants. The man groans and returns the favour, grasping her wet pussy through the skimpy thong. They touch each other, faster and faster, kissing open and free. She unzips his pants and starts to stroke his cock. He lifts up his shirt so she can see him. His body looks better than I ever imagined.

Dropping to her knees, she takes him in her mouth. The faint taste of his precum overpowers her senses. Fingering herself wildly through her friend’s tiny underwear, the girl does everything she can to make him feel good. Glancing over at his wife, she sees her rubbing her bare pussy. She’s lifted up her dress to touch her breasts, too. Her body looks better than I ever imagined.

The trio are thoroughly excited. Nobody can wait for what comes next. He lifts the girl up and tosses her onto the bed. She spreads her legs and pulls the thong to the side. The husband pushes her legs up against her chest. “Oh god, it looks so good.” The wife chimes from her spot in the corner. He rubs his hard cock against her exposed pussy. “I’ve wanted this for a long time.”

The tip, the head, half way, all the way. There’s no going back now. The married man’s cock stretches out the single girl’s pussy, and they exhale. Enjoying the warmth of his wife’s friend’s body, he starts to stroke his cock in and out of her. The girl trembles, getting used to his size. The wife gasps, rubbing her clit as fast as she can. They fuck each other, making out while the tension releases. The girl is overwhelmed by pleasure and excitement. She starts to encourage her friend.

“Your husband’s cock is so big! Ah~! It’s so good! Ah~! So big… Ah~! Your husband is fucking me so… Ah~! Good!”

“You like that, you dirty little slut?”

“Yes, I love it.”

The couple on the bed roll over. The girl takes his hands and puts them on her ass. A firm grip, and he pulls on her bumcheeks. So he can get deeper. So she can see every inch enter her. She bounces on his dick, thrilled at the thought of how little her friend’s thong is hiding. She feels her orgasm build inside of her. Quickening her pace, the girl will finish soon.

The sounds of a woman cumming fill the room. The couple look over at the wife, helplessly masturbating as she fingers herself to completion. They look back to each other, grinning. “Now it’s my turn…” The girl giggles, playing with her clit while his strong hands pull her up and down on his cock. They kiss passionately again. The girl cums on his married dick, picking up where his wife left off. Pushed over the edge by their chorus, he fills her sweet pussy.

They lie there for what could be an hour, could be a few minutes. The girl slowly climbs off of him, and walks past his wife, also basking in the glow of her orgasm. She heads down the hall, back to the bathroom, to wash up after their encounter. Looking at herself in the mirror again, her unfamiliar feelings beat in her chest. An epiphany strikes her. Like a ray of light through the clouds, she understands herself.

Stepping back into the hallway, his wife is waiting for her again.

“I really, really, enjoyed that… I hope you did, too.”

“It was almost perfect.”

The girl walks up to her. She wraps her hands around her waist. Their lips meet, they kiss. They push back into each other, letting the taste of their first embrace waft through them.

Their fingers touch. Holding hands, tugging lightly, they walk each other back to the bedroom.

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[seeingivy]

labyrinth

satoru gojo x f!reader

**part of my satoru as taylor swift songs series

remember this speak now fic. now reimagine it, except YOU'RE the one getting stood up at the wedding. and then you meet your ridiculous neighbor and fall in love in an elevator months later.

an: I believe it was my beloved @satoruhour who asked me if I could do labyrinth for taylor as gojo! and here I am <333 truly one of my favorites on midnights that makes me so, so emotional I could vomit. anyways, enjoy pookies

--

You think Suguru Getou is beautiful. On all days, both blatantly and inconspicuously, absolutely and wholeheartedly. When he wakes up in the morning with a messy mop of hair on his forehead, when he slides into your shared apartment with a surprise bouquet of flowers, and when he gives you a cheeky wink every time you're both done screaming at each other after arguments.

Suguru Getou is the first person you’ve loved. The only person you’ll love. He burns hot, bright - like the gazing sun, opening a locked cage you weren’t aware of until he handed you the key. Opening a spur of emotions - intense, extreme, fierce, and great. 

It all builds up to this. You and him - at this altar together, despite it all. That every rotten part of you is okay, because Suguru knows and looks past it. That nothing can chase him away, because you’ve weathered it down. It’s your turn - to settle down and it's in the palm of your hands. 

Under the palely lit lamps, on this day, Suguru Getou has outdone himself. He’s gorgeous. His hair is nicely tamed back at the nape of his neck, his pink boutonniere pinned to his perfectly crisp suit, and a bright, soft smile on his face as you both beam at each other at the altar. 

“In tradition, this is the moment to speak. Should anyone present know of any reason that this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace.” 

You look at Suguru and laugh - a moment the two of you left in the ceremony as a mere joke - as you look out at the stands. You both joked that one of your friends, like Haibara or Shoko, would stand up to make their last ditch efforts before you two got to continue forward to your vows. 

You turn your head to the side to give Shoko a wink, flirt with her one last time to get her to do it. Except when you catch sight of her, she has a horrified look plastered on her face. And when you scan the crowd, the same look is mirrored on everyone’s faces. Your mom, the girl you were best friends with in sixth grade, your neighbor from down the street, Haibara. 

That’s when you see her standing there. In her pale blue dress, hands shaking as she talks. 

“I’m-I’m not the kind of girl who does this and I-I don’t mean to barge in on such a big day but-” 

You feel your heart sink into your chest, the warmth and heat - any shred of elation, joy, bliss you were feeling mere seconds ago draining from your chest. You know what’s coming next. 

“But you’re not the kind of guy who marries the wrong girl, Suguru. You-it’s always been you and me. It’s never going to be anyone for me but you. And I know it's the same for you too." 

You swallow hard as you push your palms hard into the stems of the bouquet. You can feel your cheeks burning again - except in embarrassment this time. 

Does the preacher say something? Is Suguru supposed to say no? Is he even- 

You turn over to look at him, his hazel eyes moving to meet yours, the look on his face so blank, so foreign from the boy you’ve known for the past two years that you can barely recognize him. 

“Can we talk?” he whispers, nervously eyeing the crowd. You swallow hard, like burning acid is running down your esophagus and give a halfhearted nod. He takes your hand, giving you the tiniest of smiles, though it doesn’t reach his eyes, as you two nearly sprint down the aisle past where Hana is still standing, tears streaming down her eyes. 

He slams the doors shut behind him as the crowd breaks out into loud chatter behind you, shameful, humiliating tears falling onto your perfectly powdered cheeks. 

“Y/N. I-” 

Through the messy blur of tears, when you squint your eyes, you see it. Suguru Getou is beautiful. At all times, but not right now. His face is filled with shame, his shoulders hunched over, and his usual calm, delicate manner all haphazard, panicked. He’s fidgeting with his hands, pacing back and forth, words carelessly falling out of his mouth under his breath. 

“You-you want to go, don’t you?” you ask, your voice a mere whisper in the air. 

He wraps his arms around your shoulders, stifling your sob into the fabric as his shirt as aimless apologies fall out of his mouth, his once warm hands, scalding - burning your arms. 

“I-I’m sorry. I didn’t know she was going to do that and I would never mean to do it like this. But-but I was standing there and I saw her and it kind of ca-came together-” 

“Did you know?” you ask.

“I didn’t even know she was com-” 

“Did you know you loved her still?” you ask, your voice more firm. 

He looks at you, eyes narrowed, before looking down at his hands, twisting the rings you were supposed to exchange in a few minutes in his hands. And you suppose this reaction - Suguru Getou’s silence, his first time being something other than beautiful is answer enough. 

Ten minutes later, he walks past you - your sister, the nanny you grew up with, your college best friends - hand in hand with Hana as they nearly run out cheesing, his initial despair left replaced with bliss as he leaves you in your white dress. 

And you know that out of the infinite moments of your life, it’ll always boil down to this one. That you’ll be getting over this - how tasteless, how cruel, how evil the situation truly is. 

After a month of being encouraged by people to move forward, to bounce back, you do it in the way people don’t expect. You move away. And three months after the fact, when your pain is still raw in your chest, you meet Satoru Gojo. 

--

You lean against the wall of the elevator, pressing the faded star button, as you scroll through your errands on your phone - buy paint, email landlord, mail ring. 

Mail ring. 

You reach into your bag, the thought of it possessing a sudden will to see it. You yank it out and press your coffee into the crook of your elbow, focusing on the jewelry - a silver band with a pear shaped diamond in the middle. The ring Suguru’s mom wore when she was married to his dad. The one you were supposed to wear when he married you. 

Suguru asked you to mail it back last night. A roundabout way of course - initially filled with concern, deeply sincere and rehearsed apologies, before cutting to the chase. And you question the thought process.

You break up with your first love. Date another girl for two years. Get engaged, plan an entire wedding, walk to the altar. Just to stand up and walk away, because it’s always been her. 

And a mere three months later, reach out to ask for the ring back, because he has to propose. Again. 

You ponder your options, in earnest. Granted, you’re definitely in the anger stage of your grieving process, corny terms used by your corny therapist, who is trying her best. 

One. Mail it back. Tell them to go to hell. 

Two. Throw it into the ocean and say you lost it. And then tell them to go to hell. 

Three. Don’t respond and pawn the ring for a decent amount of money. Use the fortune to send an ungodly amount of ominous letters to their house, telling them to go to hell. 

The elevator bell rings, stopping five floors short of the lobby, as two kids and a tall, pale haired man shuffle in. You give the three of them a polite smile as you slide to the side, opening up the space for them. 

“It’s female rage, Gojo.” 

“Female rage? I thought using the word female was bad, Tsumiki.” 

“It is. But not here.” 

“So if I use female as an adjective it’s not a bad thing?” 

The girl, barely thirteen you’re guessing, groans in frustration as she approaches the shorter boy, who is quietly leaning against the wall with his nose stuck in his video game. 

“Megumi. Tell Gojo he’s being stupid.” she states.

He looks up at the two of them, giving a soul shattering glare, before nudging her to the side. 

“On a good day, you’re both objectively stupid.” 

She rolls her eyes as she shoves him, muttering how annoying he is under her breath. And now they’re both shoving each other, pushing harder with each consecutive push before the boy bumps into you. You land against the wall and drop your latte all over your clothes, the cold liquid staining your white button down shirt. 

You groan, knowing you’ll have to go back up and change because the stain is so blatant, putting a pin in your errands and heading to work. You look up to find the pale haired man, blue eyes widely staring into yours, as he starts profusely apologizing. 

“I’m so sorry. We- I’ll pay for your dry cleaning. You know. Kids. They were raised in a barn.” 

“We were both raised by you.” they deadpan. 

You sigh, lifting the wet cloth off of your shirt as you look up at him, waving your hand in the air. 

“Ah. It’s okay, it happens. It’s no problem.” 

“No really. We insist. And-and problem solved. You can take my shirt instead!” he says, brightly smiling at you. 

You frown, looking up at him. 

“You’re like six feet tall.” 

“I’m actually six three.” he responds, winking.

You stare at him since he’s now unbuttoning his shirt as the elevator keeps moving down, and hands it to you. It’s pale blue and definitely too big for you, but he literally grabs your hand and places it into your palm, giving you a boyish smile. 

That’s when you take your moment to indiscreetly ogle him. For three reasons. First, he’s a stranger who just stripped in the elevator. Surely, a nutcase. Or a sex offender. Two, he’s smiling at you like he’s the sun. And three - he’s ripped. Like full on, toned Greek God ripped. 

“Do you want a picture? It’ll last longer.” 

“What? No- I wasn’t even looking. And-and take your shirt back. Who just takes their shirt off in an elevator? This isn’t going to fit me and I’ll look like a rodeo clown with this on and-” 

He laughs as he takes the shirt from your hands, holding open the sleeves as he instructs you to stick your arms in. You shake your head, which he rolls his eyes at, as he drapes the shirt around your shoulders, moving forward to pull your hair out of the collar. 

“You talk a lot, stranger.” 

“Huh?” 

“You. You talk a lot. Just put the shirt on properly and tuck it in - it’s like oversized and female fashion or whatever.” he responds. 

“Quit saying female. You sound like a pervert. And you look like one too.” the boy responds, rolling her eyes. 

The elevator door slides open, the lobby bustling in front of you. You shuffle out of the doors, yanking his shirt around your wrists as you adjust it on your frame. You turn your head to find him absent from your side, the three of them still standing in the elevator. 

“Are you not getting out?” 

“Miss me already?” 

“What? No. No, I just- you bothered me the entire way down and you’re not even getting out?” 

“Have to go get a shirt. I gave mine up for a pretty girl.” he responds, winking again, as the elevator doors close in front of you. 

--

Five days later, you muster up the courage to mail the ring. It’s packed into an envelope, sans words or writing, because if Suguru gave you silence at the end, he doesn’t deserve your words at the end either. 

You lean against the elevator, twisting over the envelope in your hands, as you feel the sweat sticking on your palms, ignoring the sinking feeling in your chest that it’s really all over. 

It should be the end. But every sinking, disgusting part of that moment - the eyes on you, your family nearby, your dress made to perfection - make you think that you’ll be getting over this your whole life. That you’ll never move forward. And why should you?

The door stops, five floors short of your stop, and the same guy - the pale haired one from a few days prior springs in, a wide smile crossing his face as he sees you in the elevator. He leans against the wall with you, so close that you can smell his cologne - musky and fresh. 

“Hi stranger. How was the shirt?” he asks. 

“I don’t like the color you’re wearing. Please don’t take it off because I don't want it.” 

“I was asking about the shirt from a few days ago. Not the one right now. Though if you’re doing a reverse psychology thing, I’m more than happy to oblige.” he responds, laughing. 

You feel your cheeks burn at misunderstanding, reaching up to fidget with the ends of your hair as the elevator keeps moving down. The two of you stay in silence, the consecutive beep on each floor seemingly getting louder until it lands on one. 

You make your move to walk out of the elevator, except he’s blocking the entrance and very aggressively pressing the button that closes the door. 

“What? Hey, I was getting off on that st-” 

“You were getting off at that stop. And now you’re not.” he responds, pressing the shiny button marking the eleventh floor. 

You cross your hands across your chest, glaring bullets into this idiot's face. 

“Is it asshole day? What’s your problem?” you ask. 

“I need a favor. And I’ve been trying to catch you in the elevator for five days now and only just found you. Who knnows how much longer it would be until I saw you again?” 

“So you couldn’t ask like a normal person? You just had to trap me in here.”

“Obviously.” 

You groan as you lean against the wall, watching the floors beep as they go up again. 

“So what do you want, stranger?” 

“I’m glad you asked. And it’s Gojo. My kids - you met them the other day - I’m trying to do that whole touchy-feely thing with them so they open up more. And they’re learning how to apologize this week, stranger.” 

“So you want me to come so they can apologize to me? And it’s Y/N.” 

“Y/N.” 

“Huh?”

“Nothing. I just wanted to say it. But yeah, just make something up about how that day was really bad for you or something so that they feel even worse and sincerely apologize.” 

You glare at him as the doors open and he grabs your wrist as he leads you down the hallway. 

“Lying is all touchy feely and perfect for processing your feelings right?” you ask, sarcastically. 

“Of course! I’m so glad you get it.” 

You glare as he sticks his key in the door and then standing behind you, two hands on your back as he pushes you in. The two kids are sitting at the table, the girl with her nose stuck in a book and the boy flicking through his video games again. 

You give the two of them a smile as Gojo holds out the chair for you, taking the seat at your left. 

“Hi guys. I’m Y/N. Gojo tells me that you both have something you want to talk to me about.” you say, giving the two of them bright smiles. 

“Megumi. And he’s forcing us to apologize to you. I personally think he should be giving you an apology for getting naked in an elevator and then waiting for hours going up and down to find you again.” he deadpans. 

You turn your head to Gojo. Hours? You mouth. He profusely denies the claim by shaking his head, signaling for you to turn back to Tsumiki. You nod, turning to her. 

“I’m Tsumiki. Uh. What do I do first? Oh- OH. I just want to ask if there’s anything you want to tell me about what happened the other day. Like how it made you feel or whatever.” 

You try your best to conceal your smile at her bluntness, focusing on what Gojo had asked you to do. 

“Well, thank you for asking Tsumiki. In all honesty, that day was…not an easy one for me. It started out pretty rough, like a lot of days do lately and” 

You pause, thinking back to that moment. Of that morning - when you couldn’t make your bed perfectly, the sheets still wrinkled, the coffee not tasting just right, struggling to find an outfit and settling for whatever was closest, and that god forsaken sparkly ring. You can feel your eyes burning, your vision blurring as you clear your throat. 

“I-I was going to do something that was really hard for me. I-I got engaged. I mean I was engaged and I actually almost got married. Like, walking all the way down the aisle and white dress married. And then I didn’t. And then I-I moved here because everything there reminded me of it and the guy, god that idiot, called me and asked me to send the ring back. And-and he wants it because he wants to use it for the girl who stood up at our wedding. And yeah, I get it, they’re happy and whatever and they want to get married as soon as possible, but god, it-it’s just humiliating to have the same thing happen twice and for things to move forward so fast when I’m still stuck there, you know?” 

You feel one of your tears fall straight onto your hand, suddenly aware that you’re crying in this stranger's house and you’ve said too much to a fourteen year old who's supposed to be learning how to apologize. You look up to find the three of them staring at you - eyes wide and pinched expressions on their faces.

“You got stood up at your own wedding?” 

“Tsumiki. That’s rude.” Gojo responds. 

“It’s okay. Yeah, I did.” you respond, waving him off. He looks wildly uncomfortable at the entire thing - probably because he's one of those emotionally repressed guys whose never seen a girl cry. 

“Please tell me you did something crazy when it happened. Like screamed or something, oh my god.” she asks, excitement filling her face. 

“Tsumiki.” 

“Um. Well, I think I technically broke a bunch of candelabras? Does that count?” 

“What?!” she asks, her excitement only growing as she takes your hands into hers. 

“Well, after the two of them left together, I went back in. And everyone was trying to console me and whatever and I don’t know it was just weird. Irritating. So I was trying to gesture them all to move away and I accidentally knocked down the candelabras lining the aisle. Except they were all so close together that I pushed one and then they all went falling.” 

She leans back in her chair, mimicking the motion as she turns to Megumi, the two of them discussing how loud it probably was. Gojo’s leaning onto the table, cheeks resting against his palms, as he stares at the two of them, a soft smile on his face. 

“Tsumiki. Megumi. You forgot something.” 

“Oh. Oh! Right. We’re sorry for what we did, really. That day must have been bad and you were probably just stuck thinking about how lonely and lame the entire situation is, like really it’s got to be depressing on so many levels and-” 

“Tsumiki.” 

“Sorry. Again. For making a bad day worse. And for bringing it up again. But for what it’s worth, I think you’re really cool. And he’s lame. Like most men, obviously.” she says. 

“Cool, huh? I’ve never had someone describe my situation as cool, Tsumiki.” 

“That’s because you probably know idiots. You’re like the main character of a really cool movie, where you like commit a murder or create a heist or something.” she says, jumping out of her seat as Megumi follows her into the kitchen, the two of them giggling about spies. 

You turn to Gojo, giving him a half smile as the two of you watch them in the kitchen. 

“You know when I said to make up a story, you didn’t have to add that much detail.” 

“What? Oh. That was all real.” 

He puts a hand on your head, awkwardly patting your hair as he gives you a weird look. 

“Ah. Sorry? My bad. That really sucks, babygirl.” 

You laugh at the utter awkwardness of the moment, at this gangly idiots' efforts to console you. You’ve seen every effort of comfort in the past three months - the awkward pinched smiles from your moms friends, your angry friends promising to egg his house, the half glass full righteous parents telling you that everything you lose is a step you take. But you’ve never seen this. 

“Gojo. Were you raised in a barn? What’s wrong with you?” 

“Sue me. I’ve never had a friend get stood up at her own wedding. What do you even say to that?” 

“I don’t know. I’m not sure if ‘that really sucks babygirl’ is where I would start.” 

“My bad. Please let me know your preferred term of endearment and I’ll do better next time.” 

You give him a smile as he leads you to the kitchen, splitting the only thing he has in his fridge - an eight foot white sheet cake - with you as you both smile at each other over the counter. 

--

You sit in the stands next to Gojo and Megumi, the three of you splitting a bag of skittles as you watch Tsumiki walk up to the plate. You’re not sure how you ended up here, exactly. The timeline gets muddled in your head. Because that apology led to you returning the next day to show Tsumiki a video of you breaking the candelabras. 

Then you were eating dinner with them the next day, all fancy and so that Tsumiki could knock over some candelabras of her own. Then Megumi wanted to do a deep clean of the apartment the next day, which you helped with. And then you picked them up from school when Gojo was stuck in traffic and then he drove all the way to your job with an umbrella so you wouldn’t have to walk home in the rain and then you just saw him all the time.

And now you’re here, at Tsumiki’s softball game. She’s an aggressive player, the metal making loud cracking sounds against the ball when she hits, her determination to run off even faster.

“Gojo.” 

“Hm, pumpkin?” 

“Gross. 3/10.” 

“Pumpkin is a 3/10 but sugar is a 5/10? You’re ridiculous.” 

Ever since Gojo’s babygirl line, he’s been testing out different endearments as he talks to you. You give him a rating out of ten, which he is always offended by. 

“Sugar is like old money. Leather jackets, slicked back hair, Danny Zuko.” 

“Danny Zuko is ugly. I’m way hotter than him.” 

“Anyways. Do you ever think that Tsumiki is a little…intense? I mean, I don’t know she’s all about rage and the thrill and exhilaration and that’s okay but-” 

He frowns, looking out at her - a determined, intense expression pressed on her face at second base. 

“I guess. But, that’s just because of everything that’s happened. She-she’s used to being so smiley and carefree all the time. And I told her that when she’s with me and us, that she doesn’t have to be anymore if she feels the need to be. And I guess letting go of that, letting everything out is intense for her. And she’s just trying to feel it all.” 

You put your hand on his knee and squeeze, giving him a smile as you look out at her too. 

“I get it. I used to feel that way when….you know. I guess I just thought it was right to do it the intense way, to fight, to love like a knife, like a closed fist. That if I argued and felt and did all these things as intensely as I could, it would be right.” 

He puts his hand on your knee now and squeezes, leaning his head against yours. Tsumiki sprints two bases, scoring a goal as she jumps up and down - her chest heaving up and down from panting. The two of you instantly jump up, hands locked together as you jump up and down just like her and excitedly cheer her name. Over the cheering, he responds, eyes still focused on her high-fiving all her teammates.

“I get what you’re saying. But, I don’t want her to think about love that way. It would kill me if she did. I want her to feel these intense feelings but love should be soft. It shouldn’t be a war, it should be a home. I don’t want her to ever have to fight for it, I want it to creep up on her - build a place in her heart that always stays there. Don’t you agree, pookie?” 

You turn to him, glaring at him through his stupid light blue sunglasses. One of the best things about being friends with Gojo? That he so earnestly, so deeply wants the best for Tsumiki and Megumi that it makes your heart hurt. That his love for them is so unconditional, that you just want to witness it - have the sweetness rub off of you. 

He makes two sets of dinner each night, because they’re both picky eaters. And every time you tell him to just be more firm, to sit them down and make them eat it, he refuses. Because the thought that either of them would be so stubborn that they wouldn’t eat dinner at all and go to bed hungry is worse than taking the time to make two sets of food. One now, because you always make the other. 

He makes Tsumiki watch documentaries about famous female figures - politicians, music artists, writers. Tsumiki’s well versed in every feat of women - from Taylor Swift’s sold out shows to Jane Austens’ impact as a romance writer.  He goes out of his way to make sure that she has positive female role models, to try his best to give her things that he can’t blatantly offer. He loves them so much. He loves so much. It’s truly the best thing about him. 

The second? That he takes something serious but still manages to make you laugh at the end. 

“Pookie, Gojo? Really? That’s a 0/10. You can do better than that.” 

--

“The reservation is under Gojo. It should be two rooms, connected. Four queens.” you say, tapping your knuckles against the counter as Gojo ushers Megumi to the bathroom - who has been complaining of a very full bladder the entire drive down. 

The four of you had come down to the closest beach town for Christmas and Megumi's birthday, planning to spend a few days in the area until the new year rang in. The woman hands you two keycards and you give her a smile as you wait by the elevator for the two of them to return. 

Six floors later and the four of you are pushing into your rooms, Tsumiki and Megumi immediately flopping on the beds and eating the little chocolates placed on the pillows as you and Gojo roll your eyes. 

You unlock the connecting door and push your bag through to find one king bed in yours and Gojo’s room as Gojo joins you at his side. He wraps his arms around your waist, resting his chin shoulder as you both groan. 

“Fuck. No blanket hogging, snookums.” 

“Disgusting. Negative ten, Gojo.” 

He immediately plops his things down onto the left side of the bed and you land on the right, setting out your chargers and taking off your jewelry as you hop into the shower. Eight months ago, you would have been so opposed and appalled at the affair - having to share a bed with Gojo - but you’ve honestly seen too much of him now that it doesn’t phase you. 

Granted, when you met him, he literally took his shirt off. But you're so casual now that the boundary of sharing a bed is virtualy nothing. And you've literally done it before.

You get ready in the bathroom while Gojo takes a shower, despite the fact that he’s literally naked a few feet away. You’ve shared his bed when you end up staying too late - because you’re not breaking your back by sleeping on the floor and neither is he. He eats from your plate because you never finish his own and you always steal sips of his coffee even when you say you don’t want one. 

One time he used your toothbrush by accident. That however, the two of you never moved past. 

You pad into the bathroom, filling up the room with a decent amount of steam as you fill up your scalding shower and indulge yourself in all the fancy bath soaps and salts in the shower. Leaving with muscles soothed and pruney fingers, you towel your hair up and throw on your sweats to nestle into the clean sheets. Gojo’s now sitting on the right side, lazily flicking through the channels. 

“Gojo. I was on the right.” 

“Yeah, my bad. I realized I totally claimed a side first. I know you hate sleeping by the window because you’re convinced some big bad man is going to come steal you. Now he can come get me!” 

You look over at your side table, the things you set up before now switched to your side. They're all laid out perfectly, the way you had left the, except on the opposite nightstand.

“Gojo?” 

“Hm?” 

“How’d you know how to put my stuff like this?” 

“Huh?” 

“The chargers. The jewelry.” 

“Oh. Just noticed that’s all. You spend like a few minutes every night before you go to sleep making sure it’s all right. That your chargers aren’t tangled, the rings and earrings are together and stuff. Just figured I’d put it that way so you wouldn’t have to.” 

You smile, cheeks warm at the thought of Gojo paying attention enough to notice that you do that and going as far as doing it for you. After he remembered your irrational fear of getting murked in the night and moved when he didn’t have to. Granted, Gojo’s thoughtfulness is always one of the things you’ve loved most about him. 

. 

. 

. 

Oh.

Oh. 

You look over at him, knees hiked to his chest, messy white hair and that loose old t-shirt on his frame as he pokes through your stash of snacks. His eyes are so intensely focused on the movie - Danny Zuko dancing on the screen in Grease - as he nervously fidgets with his knuckles like he always does. 

No. No no no no no no no no no no. 

You’re falling in love. You’re falling in love with Satoru Gojo, you’re falling in love again and you shouldn't be.

Gojo looks over at you, bored blue eyes immediately filling with concern as he jumps up, arms resting falling against your biceps. You bring your fists to your eyes, wiping away the tears, trying to push them down as he whispers, softly broaching the subject. 

“Hey. You okay? The fake burglar scared you that badly?” 

You snort through your tears as he squeezes your arms.

Fuck. You’re down bad. Down horrendous. That joke wasn’t even funny and it made you snort. 

“What’s wrong, my little tater tot?” 

“Five.” 

“I thought that was at least a seven. You love tater tots.” he whispers, tucking you into the crook of his neck as he rubs small circles into your back, his soft voice vertebrates through his chest. 

What happened? When did you get like this? When did you start sharing beds and leaving a toothbrush and a spare pair of clothes at his place? 

Why-why is every part of you open with him? Why do you want to open it for him? 

You can’t. You just can’t. 

“Y/N.” 

“Yeah?” you murmur into the clothed fabric of his shirt. 

“Words please. I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.” 

You crumple the fabric of his shirt in your fists, burying down every feeling - overwhelming, endearing, warm and bright - and lie through your teeth. 

“Nothing. I-I just remembered. It’s Suguru’s birthday.” 

He pulls you out of his arms, bringing up his hands to your cheeks, as he gives you a lopsided small. 

“Sucks. Want me to kill him?”

“Obviously.” 

“Consider it done.” 

You smile as he lets go, dragging you back onto the bed with him. And you both watch the movie - you swooning over Danny Zuko and Gojo telling you that he’s way hotter than him the entire time - until you somehow end up nestled in his arms in the dark, his soft sleep breaths lulling you to sleep. 

You're screwed.

--

You and Gojo pad down to the little restaurant the hotel has the next morning, leaving a very grumpy Tsumiki and so fast asleep he’s nearly dead Megumi in their beds. You and Gojo opt for a booth, sitting on the same side, as you look through the menu. 

“Splitsies?” 

“Huh?” 

“Splitsies. You pick the savory, I’ll pick the sweet, okay?” 

You nod, cheeks burning as you look through the menu at the implication, trying your best not to focus on your legs pressed together, his hand so casually placed on thigh like it’s second nature.

It is second nature, he does it all the time. But should he, if he’s just your friend? 

Your friend that you’re in love with? 

“And for you, ma’am?” 

“Oh. Um-” 

You scan your eyes down the menu and pick the first thing listed, eggs benedict, earning a weird smile from Gojo as they walk away with your order. 

“Okay, my little eggs benedict. You’re paying because you hogged the blanket all night.” 

“Three. Unoriginal. And you literally stopped my circulation at one point, so you pay.” 

“Ugh. The things you do for love.” he responds, eyes focused on the window to his left.

“Excuse me?” 

Gojo looks over at you, a weird expression in his eyes. And you feel your eyes widen when you realize this is another one of Gojo’s jokes - like when he calls you his wife, says that you’re both two parents roughing it through the world - and feel the embarrassment rush to your cheeks as you bury your face into the drinks menu. 

He slides his arm around your shoulder, whispering into your ears with a smirk. 

“It’s eight in the morning. Are we really going to drink right now?” 

We. 

“Sh-shut up. I was just looking.” 

“What’s wrong with you? You’re being all squirrely and weird.” 

“No, I’m not. Yo-you’re being weird. You fucking pervert, always going on about some we this, wifey this shit.” 

He drops his hands on the table, squinting at you like he’s trying to discern the writing on your face. And after a few seconds his face lights up, replaced by a devious smirk that you absolutely hate. 

“What, Gojo?” 

“You just realized, didn’t you?” 

“Realized what?” 

“That you love me.” he states, matter of factly. 

You feel your jaw drop as you stare at him, a satisfied grin spreading across his face as you feel your cheeks burn, his closeness to you making you even more embarrassed. At him saying that, so bluntly.

“I don’t love you, Gojo.” 

“Oh, you totally do. Is that what you were crying about last night? Overwhelmed with your love for me?” 

Satoru Gojo. Fucking mindreader. 

“No. No, I don’t- I can’t-” you mutter, hands in your face as the entire thing bubbles out, your big secret wide open. 

You can’t love Gojo. You just loved Suguru. And you don’t love anyone like you love Suguru and you shouldn't with what happened and

Satoru puts a hand on your head, ruffling your hair. 

“Y/N. Just, stop panicking. I'm teasing. You don’t have to be all embarrassed and figure out what it means that right away. You-you have a lot of baggage that comes with feeling like this. I’m guessing your first line of defense is to run off or push me away, so I can’t do to you what Suguru did. But - just calm down, okay? Eat eggs benedict and french toast with me and then drive along the coast.” 

You stare at him, his expression so calm, so serene at something so serious that it’s off putting. 

“Can you do that for me? It is my birthday, you know?” 

"Your birthday was like three weeks ago."

"Yeah but it's still my month. You have to give in."

You nod at which he gives a bright smile, squishing your cheeks with his hand as the plates get placed in front of you. You both tangle your arms, the entire elephant you just spilled out ignored, as you share your plates of breakfast. 

“Do you like the food, my little strawberry?” 

“Yes. And that was a 8/10, not bad.” 

“That was horrible. You're blinded by love already.” 

--

The entire thing twists into a maze in your mind. A labyrinth of every moment you’ve ever shared with Gojo, with Suguru, with every complex feeling that comes with love - picking up the kids from school, him brushing your hair for fun, comparing hand sizes, doing a staring contest but instead just admiring each other's eyes.

Which is why when you come back out from your day with Tsumiki and Megumi, tuck them both into bed, and end back up in your room, you’re so anxious it’s all tumbling out of your mouth. 

“Gojo.” 

“Yes?” 

“I can’t do this. This thing- I-I can’t do this. I want to go home. Can I go home?” 

“What? Are you okay, you-” 

He stands up, leaning forward to press his hands against your cheeks but you immediately back away, flinching away from his touch. He frowns, the motion catching him off guard, as he steps back. 

“You want to go home? I mean, I can wake the kids and take you now but-” 

“No, no. I want to go alone, I don’t want you there, this is all a lot and-” 

“Y/N. I said not to think about that. You-stop thinking it into this big thing it’s not.” 

You crouch down onto the ground, hiking your knees to your chest as you cry into your bones, the tears spilling down the side of your legs. You can feel the sobs racking out of your chest and Gojo’s arms holding you still, the presence you’ve relied on for the past eight months burning you.

“Y/N.” 

“Gojo.” 

“Are you scared I don’t love you back? I- you know I do right?” 

You look up at him, blue eyes widening in shock as he pulls you into his arms properly, squeezing hard. 

“I love you. I’ve loved you for a while. Don’t- don’t doubt it okay because I do. And-” 

“It’s not that.” you whisper. 

He pulls back again, hands resting against your cheeks - which you allow this time - as he frowns. He nods lightly, signaling for you to talk as he rubs his fingers back and forth on your cheeks, the touch soothing. 

“I’m scared that I love you.” 

“Hey. I’m not that bad.” 

You laugh, which makes him smile, as he lightly applies pressure to your cheeks. 

“I’m scared because I don’t know how to do it when it’s like this. I-I handed my heart over and someone broke it and if you do that, I can’t-

“I’m not going to do that.” he responds, voice firm. 

“You love soft, Satoru. You- there’s so many parts of me that are hard, my heart is all rough and calloused over and yours is soft and perfect. I love like a knife, like a battle, like it’s a war and I’m fighting for my life. You love like it’s the air you breathe, like you’re watering flowers and building a home. You-you don’t want to love me when I don’t know how to do that and I’m like this and you should just leave when you can. I’m like a labyrinth, a big jumbled mess that you’ll have to spend forever figuring out.” 

He sighs, eyes clenched shut and shoulders tensed up. 

“Y/N. You contradict yourself in every sentence and it pisses me off.” 

“What?” 

“You’re right. I love like it���s air I breathe, like I’m watering flowers and building a home. I’ve been building ours for months now and you really think I’m going to walk out of here because it’s not perfect? I knew this was what I was getting into and I wanted it.” 

You can feel your ears ringing, tears rising in your eyes because you know whatever he says next is going to inevitably make you sob. 

“Gojo. You, it’s a mess up here. I can't do that to you.” you whisper, tapping your forehead. 

“A mess to you, right now. Nothing about you is a mess to me. There-there’s so much that’s happened, that’s twisted all these things that are supposed to be good into bad. But just-just work with me here, okay? We’ll untwist them. We’ll make your labyrinth into a nice little garden with a pond, okay? 

You push your face into his shirt, his heart pounding against your ears, as he wraps his arms around you again. 

“You want a garden and a pond in our litte love house?” you whisper.

“Yeah. Megumi always stares at flowers when we walk to school, I think we should do gardening when we move out of the apartments. And we can sit there together, you know?” 

“Yeah.” you whisper. 

“Are you letting me?” 

“Letting you what?” 

“In. In here and here.” he says, pointing to your head and then your heart, which is violently thumping. 

“Yeah. Yeah, I think I am.” 

He leans forward, pressing the softest kiss to your forehead, before whispering a soft thank you in your hair. You cry a great deal more, his soft words soothing you down, until you’re tangled under the sheets together, every part of your body vibrating with what just happened. 

“Go to bed, my love. We have to get up early tomorrow.”

You turn to the other side and he snakes his arms around your waist, his breath tickling the back of your neck. 

“Satoru.” 

“Hm?” 

“My love? It’s ten out of ten.” you whisper. 

You feel him press a kiss to the back of your neck before you both fall asleep, the warmth enveloping you in the deepest rest you’ve ever had.

--

the satoru as taylor swift songs series masterlist

taglist: @porridgesblog @k0z3me @kayleegomez @yihona-san06 @bsenpai @sweetenertea @skzismyhome @mykyoon @violetmatcha @rebeccawinters @luna0713hunter @shotenvinsoot@itzmeme @squirrelspoetry

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[holesinmycamouflage]

make it two || conrad fisher

Summary: you have history with conrad fisher & an emotional conversation brings it to light

Warnings: A mention of a spoiler from season 2

“What’s your biggest regret?” 

The sound of Conrad Fisher’s voice tore through the waves that were crashing up on the sand. It was the first alternative sound that you have heard in the last two hours and it broke you out of your daydream. You were laying on the sand, staring up at the dark sky that was lit up with glistening stars and the occasional plane sweeping through the air. 

Everything was getting too much in the house and you snuck away. A text to Belly ensured her that everything was okay but you just needed air. You knew it wouldn't have been long until someone came to hunt you down.

“And there you go again, Fisher,” you sighed, voice straining and you tried to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill down your cheek, “always the deep, dark questions.”

“The answer doesn’t always have to be dark,” Conrad slowly sat down beside you, careful to not disrupt the sand too much. He lay on his side, propping his head up with his palm, and you could feel his gaze roaming your face. 

Seconds turned into minutes before you spoke again, the words falling softly off your tongue, “I regret not coming up here last summer but I think you knew that, Connie.” 

Without a second thought, Conrad brushed his thumb over the cheek closest to him and wiped the tear away which led to your lips quivering under the determination to not sob in front of him. You looked up through your eyelashes, praying silently that you wouldn’t break down but you knew that this has been building over the last couple of days that you’ve been back to Cousins. 

The waves were non-existent as Conrad moved his hand slowly to cup your jaw and turn your gaze to him. You breathed in an unexpected sigh at the sight of his brown eyes staring back at you. Hurt. Pain. Regret. You recognised the emotions too easily. 

“You didn’t know,” he whispered, “No one did and that’s what my mother would have wanted.” 

His words were meant to give you a sense of relief, but instead they struck a cord that you have been carefully avoiding since the death of Susannah. Anger washed through your veins and you sat up, bringing Conrad with you. “She knew and she refused to tell me, she refused to beg me to come here to have.. To have one last summer with her.” Your voice wasn’t loud, but there was frustration dripping from the words, “She didn't fight." 

“She didn’t want you to give up your life for her.”

“Stop defending her, Conrad!” you screamed, standing up and walking away from him. 

“Y/N,” Conrad snapped, chasing after you as you rushed down further away from the house you grew up in. “You had a great summer, with your friends.. At your parties, living your life, as she wanted you to.” 

This has been a topic that everyone has been avoiding since you arrived with Jeremiah. You never made it down to Cousins last Summer and it was all because you wanted to spend time with your friends. "I'm not a child anymore, mother, you can't make me go." were the words you said to your mother before she made the devastating call to Susannah.

You turned quickly on your heels, stopping dead in your tracks, “She was my life! You! Jeremiah! Belly! Even Steven!” Conrad was about a meter away from you, but you shouted the names at him, “I was too stubborn to give up one more summer to see you again, to see Suzannah again.. I thought I was too cool for Cousins, I kept saying to my mother ‘there’s always next year’ but now… that’s it,” you breathed out, looking him in the eye and seeing his heart break for you. “There's not a next year and there's nothing we can do about it.” 

Before you knew it, Conrad wrapped his arms around you and pulled you to his chest. His chest was rising and falling, taking in the information you screamed at him. You couldn’t stop the tears from taking over, everything became too much and you were thankful that your face was smudged into his t-shirt. “It’s my fault,” you repeated, hearing Conrad shush you and running his hand up and down the back of your head. His aftershave swirled around you, it was like a drug to you, calming you down immediately.

“I’ve got you,” he whispered, and you could feel his chest shake with his own tears. The realization hit you hard, it’s always him. He always has you. 

Conrad guided both of your bodies to the sand, sitting back and letting you release the build up of emotions. You couldn’t tell how much time passed, but from the pain starting to come up your back, you knew it was time to face the music. 

Pulling back from Conrad, he let you go gently, his eyes never leaving your face. You breathed out, your eyes feeling puffy and swollen, “I’m sorry about that.” 

“You know there’s no reason to be sorry,” his voice was soft, just like it always was. Conrad Fisher was too pure for this world. “I should have told you the moment I found out but..” he paused, “things were complicated between us.” 

You nodded understandingly. The last time you saw Conrad, it was hard saying goodbye to him. There was a first and last kiss, and the distance became too much for the both of you. Missed phone calls, forgotten texts and two teenagers trying to be adults. You need to live, and so did he. 

“I do wish you called.” 

“That’s my biggest regret,” Conrad whispered, before taking your hand in his and bringing it to his lips, placing a soft kiss on it, “I’ll live with that for the rest of my life, for making you feel this way.” 

“Connie,” you breathed out, twisting your body to look at him with both eyes, “It wasn’t your fault, please believe that.” You watched his tongue dart from his mouth to lick his bottom lip, feeling your heart start to get heavy. Since the moment you returned to Cousins, your heart has been aching for Conrad like it always has been. “I missed you,” at your confession, the pain disappeared from Conrad’s eyes, and they softened with the side of his lips turning upwards.

“I was hoping you’d say that,” he whispered, bringing his hand up to cup your cheek and he didn't miss the nervous gulp you took which only made him chuckle. “Y/N, I’m not me when you’re not with me. You change everything, you make me a better person and I… really like you for that,” he hesitated, a mischievous glint flickered in his stare.

“Were you just about to admit your love for me?” you teased, your mouth growing wide and your teeth were on full display. 

“I think everyone and their dog knows that I love you, y/n y/l/n. I fell in love with you the moment I met you.”

“We were five,” you chuckled, shifting closer to him. 

Conrad shook his head with a laugh, his thumb massaging your jaw gently, “and yet we’ve only ever had one kiss, how unfair is that?” 

“Why don’t we make it two kisses tonight?”

#the summer i turned pretty #tsitp #conrad fisher #conrad fisher x reader #conrad fisher x y/n #tsitp cast #conrad fisher x you #tsitp imagine #the summer i turned pretty fic #conrad fisher fic #conrad fisher imagine #jeremiah fisher

[wavesmp3]

[kmg] morning at the edge of time

pairing: mingyu (svt) x reader genre: friends to lovers + hinted fwb + angst + mainly just a mess of a flash fic wc: 2.2.k warnings: perhaps a little swearing but other than that none!

when you wake up that morning, you say some lame joke. he laughs, and a siren goes off in the distance. you listen to that over him. 

it doesn’t take long to pack his things up. in fact, it takes so much less time than you had both planned. you still have an hour before you have to be at the station. 

he zips up the final piece of luggage, an old brown duffel bag that’s filled to the brim. the one you have to tug by the front pocket to get it to close all the way. you fight back something bitter coming up in your throat. it’s one of the same bags he brought on his way here. you remember watching him leave then too.  

“so,” he says finally, standing up from the zipped duffle bag and shoving his hands in his pockets. a boyish little habit that makes you feel like you’re both still 20, finding your footing in this brand new and bright place, holding onto each other and begging the other not to miss home too much. when did you stop missing home? when did he start? “do we have a little time on that schedule of yours for coffee?”

he gestures to the legal pad behind you, a bright yellow paper with your scribbled schedule made in a stressed hurry the night before. a joke, you realize belatedly once you register the sound from between his lips as a laugh. you feel so suddenly exhausted with it hanging in the air. you shrug, “i guess.”

he grins. and you remember being 13 with him by your side. you ignore the shaky feeling in the corner of your eyes. 

–

the train ride is so long, you think an hour in. how many more? you almost ask before remembering how he’s asleep. you stare at him. there are lines across his forehead and around his eyes that weren’t there a couple years ago. last year you found a gray hair right behind his left ear. you look for that sitting here. 

he wakes up just as your finger finds it. 

he squints and yawns at the same time. not even registering your hand shoved in his hair, your face two breaths from him. “morning.” 

he jumps in his seat. your fingers lose the hair. 

“what are you doing?” he asks, voice muddled by the sleep. you know this voice. you used to wake up next to it every morning. there’s a lump in your throat suddenly that chokes down every other emotion you would rather be feeling. 

“i was looking for your gray hair.” 

he perks up. “do i still have it?” 

you want to smile at this. the way he embraces this old age, with open arms and a big bear hug. the way mingyu does with everything. fearless and expectant. like he’s been waiting for it, for you. there was a time when you were the one in his embrace. you want to smile at it, him. but you don’t. or maybe, it’s that you can’t. 

you nod. “i think it’s grown a bit actually.” 

he hums, absently, craning his neck to see something you don’t care to see. “i’m gonna use the bathroom. meet in the dining car?” 

you nod, he leaves, and for the first time since stepping on this train you can fucking breathe. 

—

“doesn’t it feel like the train ride gets longer each time you go back?” he asks. 

you squint at him, picking at a potato before shoving it in your mouth. “not really.”

he shakes his head. “that’s cause you never go.”

and you know he doesn’t mean it with malice, but it’s a stab either way. you scoff. home is many things. it’s where you were born. where your parents live. where you met mingyu. home is many things. but it’s mainly just a tiny town full of memories and people you’d rather forget. 

“i’m sorry,” he offers half-heartedly, noticing your silence a second too late. 

you try your best to shake it off. you don’t want to ruin this day. 

instead you say, “we should get dessert.”

he smiles, big and wide. all teeth showcased right in front of you. somehow, it breaks your heart.

—

“my parents sent me this a while back.” mingyu says, showing you the screen of his phone. 

it’s a picture of when you both were young. 10 or maybe 8 years old. sitting together at the beach, covered in sand and smiling. “i remember that day.” you mutter to him, taking the phone from his hand and staring at the photo. “you made a sand castle, and let me stomp on it.”

“gosh,” mingyu starts with a fake sigh, “you’ve always been an asshole huh?”

you roll your eyes, pushing his phone back towards him. “it was a shit castle anyways.”

—

you and mingyu’s family have been friends since his family moved to town. you must’ve been 4 the first time you met him. you don’t really remember that evening. but you do remember riding your first amusement park ride with him. 

“i know mom,” mingyu says into his phone. you watch the end of his call. he picks at the collar of his shirt. you recognize it as the one his dad gave him for his birthday last year. you wonder if he did that on purpose. he hangs up the phone and gives you a look. 

“hey,” he quips, snapping his fingers in your face, “where are you?”

he knows you so well. “was just thinking.”

“about?” 

you push your chin out a bit, glancing at the scenery running past the window beside you. “i can’t believe it’s been 2 years since i moved from home and joined you in the city.”

“it’s been 6 years for me.”

“i know.” you say, understanding the gravity. the city has this way of pushing you in. like a trap you step into knowingly. “when you moved here for school, i…”

your eyes move back to his face. he tilts his head, waiting for you. “you what?”

you inhale, reaching for the napkin in your lap and folding the corners in. “i don’t know, i just never imagined that i’d also move.

he scrunches his entire face. “be honest, did you miss me so much that you moved just to be closer to me?”

you take the napkin in your lap and throw it in his face. he catches it snickering. “but seriously,” you start, exhaling and watching him fold the napkin back up and place it on the table, “i don’t know if i would’ve moved if you hadn’t done it before me.”

“and now look at you,” his lips curl upwards, “you love the city.”

you match the motion. “i love the city.” more than you ever thought you would.

“how long do you think you’ll stay there?”

he asks it casually, but the question makes your heart stop. it makes this bile that’s been sitting in your gut ever since mingyu told you for the first time that he was thinking about moving back home rise up again and burn the back of your throat. 

you cough. “forever hopefully.”

he gives you this look. this raised brow and side eye look that says you don’t mean that. that mocks you and means to tell you: you have no idea what you’re talking about. eventually, you’ll do what you’ve done our entire lives and follow me back home too. 

“i mean it.” you say steadily. he doesn’t flinch. neither do you. 

“home is different now, you know–”

you scoff. how many times can you and him have the same conversation.”

“–minghao doesn’t even really come into town that much anymore and–”

“stop it, mingyu.”

he bites the inside of his cheek. “why won’t you even try?”

—

you don’t like to think about minghao. the three years you spent loving someone who just up and left. you don’t like to think about him because there’s a part of you that isn’t sure if you ever really got over him.

—

“it’s just time.” mingyu says, voice soft and quiet. “i think it’s just time for me to go back home.”

the train rattles a bit. you stop your shoulders from shaking. “why?”

he just shakes his head and sighs. “it just feels right.”

the words are like a splinter, wedging itself into the pad of your index finger. 

“i’m sorry.” he tells you. 

you go to the bathroom and pretend not to hear it.

—

you stare at your face in the mirror. you never liked the long train rides; there’s a grayness evident in your face. and it makes you think about mingyu’s gray hair that’s grown longer. it makes you think about the first time found it. 

shortly, after you had moved to the city, you and mingyu’s friendship had taken a different form. nights spent laughing turned to something deeper, something blurry and messy. a kiss, a confession, a night spent together. you’ve always loved mingyu. he had been your best friend for so many years. and so it just felt so natural that your friendship would take such a shape. it didn’t feel awkward or hard or forced. it just felt like you loved him and it felt comfortable and honestly, just a tiny bit, it–

it felt like home. 

—

the first thing he says when you retake your seat across from him is: “do you think you’ll ever forgive me for moving back?”

you rest your elbows on the table, hold up your chin with your hands, and stare at him. his eyes look so brown. inhaling, you say, “eventually.” 

he chuckles lightly. “we had some good times together in the city.”

you smile, and it feels like a breath of fresh air. “we really did.”

“and our friendship has nothing to do with distance.”

“i know.” you shrug slightly. “i’m just going to miss doing life with you by my side.”

he frowns, ever so slightly. “you know i’ll always lov-”

the train screeches, masking his voice, his confession with a sound so unpleasant and yet somehow better. you know what he has to say. you don’t want to hear it.

you stare at your finger, where his words pierced your skin. you don’t see the small stick of wood anymore. it’s been sucked in. bitterly, you think, there will always be a piece of you inside me.

—

the train stops in your town eventually. you both grab his bags and head out onto the platform. 

you sit on a bench just outside waiting for his parents to pick you guys up. it’s colder up here than it is in the city. it nips and bites at the bits of your skin that’s exposed. mingyu pulls out a scarf from one of his bags and wraps it around your shoulders. 

you recognize the color of it and the pattern. you gave this scarf to him 8 years ago. you can’t believe he still has it. you can’t believe he lugged it with him to the city. you can’t believe he lugged it back. 

you look at him, really look at him, and realize how terrified you are. you’ve spent so much of your life with mingyu. you don’t want to remember what life looks like without him. 

“you’re my best friend in the whole world.” you tell him, placing a hand over his. 

the wind picks up, picking and poking at your eyes. you feel a tear fall down your cheek. 

you know he’s sad to say goodbye to you and to the city, but you also know that more than that, he’s happy. excited to be back home and closer to his friends and family. you can see it in his eyes. you can see it in his gray hair sticking up with the wind. 

“i’m just not ready to come back yet otherwise i would.”

he looks at you, like he really pities you. you hate it. “you did come back with me.”

you shake your head. “otherwise, i would stay.” 

he pulls you into a hug. you relish in the warmth. you’ve been in this position many times before. but never like this. you aren’t in college anymore. you know you’ll never be this close to him again. and maybe that’s what makes this all so painful. maybe that’s why when you pull away from the hug you catch a glint of something sharp in his hand. you look down at your torso and see your entire body carved open, with his hands digging inside, searching for the words you stole from him. maybe it wasn’t a splinter. maybe it wasn’t an accident. but why won’t he let you have that at least? why does he have to leave and take every trace of him with him?

a car pulls up. mingyu’s father. you recognize the paint job on it. you both stand. he faces you facing him.

“are you happy?” you ask him. 

he smiles, wrinkles appearing all over his face. “i can’t wait. 

you help him and his father pack everything into the car. you say hi to his mother. she asks you to stay for dinner; you tell her how you have to get back to the city. 

you say your final goodbye to mingyu. and watch his dad’s car pull away. you don’t know when you’ll see him next. and it’s only once the car is entirely out of view, do you realize you’re still wearing the scarf you gifted him. you take one last inhale of your hometown and board the train back

#mingyu fanfic #seventeen x reader #seventeen scenarios #mingyu scenarios #mingyu fluff #seventeen fluff #seventeen fanfic #mingyu x reader #mingyu angst #seventeen angst #svt x reader #svt fluff #svt imagines #svt fanfic #svt smut #seventeen imagines #mingyu imagines #mine #morning at the edge of time #ohoh return of the flash fic !

[just-wrting]

Caught You Looking

Title: Caught You Looking

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Reader

Summary: A list of times you caught Aaron looking at you.

Word Count: 2,314

Master List

A/N: Just a little thing that I got an idea for. This sort of drabble/story will be very easy to do with how my job works as these are short little instances that give an overall story I guess. I do have a bigger piece that I am working on but do not know how long it will take.

The first time you catch him looking at you is exactly one month after you started at the BAU. Penelope Garcia is so excited to celebrate anything that she brings you a tray of cupcakes. Everyone gathers around your desk and helps themselves to the cupcakes despite Garcia scolding them. You insist they help themselves to the almost two dozen cupcakes.

Despite all the commotion, Hotch doesn’t leave his office. You start to feel a little guilty that he isn’t partaking in the fuss around your desk. So you place a couple of cupcakes on napkins and excuse yourself.

You knock on the office door and hear him tell you to come in. Carefully opening the door, you step in and take a quick glance around. Some things catch your eye, but you opt to look at them later.

“Garcia thinks we should celebrate me being here for a month and brought these,” you say as you set a cupcake on the desk. “I can’t eat them all.”

Hotch looks up at you for a moment before reaching for the cupcake. “You didn’t have to bring me one.”

You shrug. “It’s not that big of a deal. Besides I brought a second one so you’re not alone while you eat it.”

You nervously look away from him and start to study the room. There are a few pictures containing his family and friends and even an award on the wall. Behind the desk contains a framed drawing from his son. It’s not the only one as you can see one tucked under some papers. Overall the office is filled with normal office things such as books and files.

You turn your head to read the award on the wall and you eat your own cupcake. Hotch is an impressive man and you’re very nervous to be standing in his office, even if it’s for nothing serious. You want to comment about the fact that he’s very impressive, but aren’t sure how to say it. Turning back to Hotch, you notice him staring at you. You freeze, unsure of what you did wrong. His face is soft and there’s a faint smile on his lips. “You’ve got something on your face.”

You toss the cupcake wrapper in the trash can next to the desk and brush crumbs off your fingers.

“I’m so sorry! I’m not normally a messy eater it’s just a lot of buttercream,” you explain and you rub the side of your mouth. “Did I get it?”

This time Hotch breaks out into a smile. He stands up and puts his hand on your cheek, gently cupping your face. He takes the napkin from your hands and brings it to the opposite cheek. With a little force, he rubs the stray frosting from your face.

“There wasn’t any point in you walking to the bathroom to look in a mirror.” His voice is gentle. “I’m sorry for getting so close.”

You know your face is heating up. His voice and his touch are both so gentle you know you could get used to them easily if you aren’t careful. “It’s fine. I’m gonna get back to the thing,” you say, tripping over your words as you shake your head. “I’ll be at my desk if you need anything else.”

With that, you make your escape from the office quickly. Your heart is racing, and all you want to do is let him continue to hold you gently. — Another time you catch him staring at you is much more mundane. It’s time for a case briefing and you’re studying both the files and the team. You’ve been with the team for less than a year so you do your best to watch what sort of reactions they have to a case.

Rossi is a great example. For a man you can hide his real feelings very well, his face while reading something without someone watching is very telling as to whether you’ll have a bad time or not. Such as right now, Rossi’s eyes are wide and he’s playing with the edge of a paper. His mouth is pulled into a slight frown. You can tell that this case makes even him feel gross.

You let your eyes wander around to the other members of the team. Morgan is holding his chin in his hand, and Prentiss is letting out a soft yet long and drawn-out sigh. Based on their reactions, you feel like you’re in for a longer case than normal.

As you make your way around the table, you finally glance at Hotch. His eyes are firmly locked onto you. Once you turn your head fully towards him, he makes eye contact.

“(Y/N), what are your thoughts?” he asks.

You quickly look back at the files. “Well based on this level of violence, there are most likely rage kills. Not to mention there’s some… creative liberty in the violence. Even Rossi seems to be surprised at it.”

Rossi breaks into a grin and nods. “True. This level of violence is overkill which is usually seen in rage kills. However, there isn’t any similarity between the victim types.”

You glance back to Hotch, who is still studying you intently. “Well there may not be a physical similarity but if you divide the victims into groups based on the time between murders there is something similar.”

Reid looks up from his files and leans back in his chair. “Each group of victims then contains three people one woman and two males. The men are most likely alpha males and the women are conventionally attractive. What if our unsub attempted to flirt with the women and the men made fun of him?”

“So he feels emasculated. Something about that sets him off and he kills them. That would explain the rage. It could remind him of something in his past so it leads to overkill since he can’t get to the real thing.” Emily taps the table as she talks. “If that’s true it’s only a matter of time before he could go after the real thing.”

Hotch nods and gives you the smallest of smiles. “We should try to figure out who had contact with all three victims while they were last together. Wheels up in five everyone.”

You can feel a warm feeling bubbling up inside of you. As you stand up, you opt to label it as pride in the fact that Hotch approved of your profiling. — It’s late at night, and you are the last person at the office. Hotch usually takes that spot, but he had just left no more than fifteen minutes ago. This meant that the file you had just finished will have to sit on your desk. As you listened to the music coming from your headphones, you let yourself relax. Nothing works as well as just listening to music to calm down after a stressful day.

As the song ends, you hear the familiar beat of the Cha Cha Slide play. It had been added to your playlist to appease a friend. She said that having a song she could dance to on her playlist let her get in that much need exercise while she was at her desk. You had to pick this one cause the beat made sure that you walked quickly. That and the dance was in the lyrics so if you found yourself alone it wasn’t that hard to dance to. Much like you usually do when the song comes on, you stand up and start to move around. As the chorus comes on, you slide across the floor to the left and right. You surprisingly enjoy doing the dance and lose yourself in it.

As you take it back, according to the lyrics, you bump straight into a desk and pause the music to fix what you knocked over. At first, you think you’re hearing things. There’s the muffled sound of laughter. You pull off your headphones. Now you’re sure that you hear it, and you while around to see who it is.

Hotch stands in the doorway to the bullpen watching you with a smile. You immediately stand up straight.

“What are you doing back?”

“I forgot something. You haven’t left yet?”

The smile stays on his lips and you can’t bear to look at him anymore. You feel embarrassed that your boss caught you dancing alone in the office. Not that he seemed to mind. You wonder how long he had been watching you.

“You didn’t watch the whole show did you?” you ask.

He walks towards you and stands up the cup of pens you knocked over. “I watched enough to know that you make a better dancer than I do.” He’s so close you can smell his soap. It sets your heart racing and you don’t want him to go away.

“I was just leaving after I finished with the song. Did you eat yet?” you can’t stop the words from tumbling out of your mouth. “If not there’s this little place I know that’s still open.”

His eyes soften. “I would enjoy that actually.” — You sit in your seat and lean back with a sigh. Of course, you would get called in on an emergency case. On a day when you were going to go on a date. Your new shirt sits taught against your shoulders and you regret ever buying it.

“Woah, there kid. Is that a new shirt?” Morgan asks as he gives you a once-over. “Where were you going to wear that fancy thing?”

You roll your eyes. “It’s not fancy, Derek. And to top it off it was supposed to be my date shirt.”

“What led you to buy a shirt exclusively to wear on dates?” Reid sits next to you. “Just the concept of that is a little odd.”

“It doesn’t matter now. My date said one more cancellation and he wasn’t going to try again,” you say as you close your eyes.

No one tries to get you to answer their questions as they wait for everyone to show up. You don’t want to explain to them that you bought this shirt almost a year ago when you had just barely started at the BAU. It was meant as a nice shirt to go out on dates with, but it sat in the back of your closet forgotten. It wasn’t until your parents asked when you were gonna introduce them to a partner that you decided to actually jump into the dating pool.

The briefing begins after Emily arrives and it goes quickly. There isn’t much time to waste, so Hotch and Garcia present the most basic things you need to know about the case before you all start to file out to head to the jet.

“So are you going to start wearing that around the office now?” Emily falls into line next to you. “It’s very flattering and seems to follow the dress code.”

“I don’t know. It’s a miracle this shirt has seen the light of day,” you respond. “I could ask Hotch about it.”

She ponders this thought. As if she was curious about the answer he would give, she turns to look at him. It’s nothing more than a glance before she turns back to you with a cheeky smile.

“Why don’t you ask him now?”

You turn your head to look back at him and wonder how you didn’t feel his eyes on you. There’s a sort of daze on his face, that makes you wonder if he’s zoning out or not. It’s kind of cute to see, his eyes are focused on you, and his eyebrows are knit together in thought. Something is on his mind.

“Is this okay to wear at the BAU, Hotch?” you call out. “If it’s not I can change on the plane.”

He opens his mouth but Rossi beats him to it. “Oh no, (Y/N), that’s fine to wear. But maybe you want to think of getting it adjusted a little. Can’t have the other guys here getting distracted.”

Hotch gives him a glare, and you realize Rossi is teasing him. Emily had just said it is a flattering shirt and you think Hotch managed to notice. You can feel your face get warm and butterflies enter your stomach.

“I’ll keep that in mind. Thanks, Rossi,” you say before quickly turning back to face forward. — You know he’s looking at you. Despite there being a million other places he could be looking, he’s looking at you. You can feel his gaze even as you try to focus on your feet.

You know that if you look up at him and meet his gaze, you’ll start to cry. Not that you would be the only person crying, as you hear someone bawling somewhere off to your right. It’s probably someone you’re related to, as you can hear them say you look so grown up now.

Finally, you get the courage to look at him. Aaron is standing in front of you with the softest look in his eyes and a large smile on his face. Tears are in the corners of his eyes, and you can feel your own well up. Despite the tears, this is the happiest moment of your life.

As soon as the officiant states, Aaron’s lips are on yours. His hands cup your cheeks and his thumbs brush away the tears that spill as you close your eyes. He tastes of sugar and you know Jack gave him a piece of candy to help him calm his nerves.

“I love you,” he mumbles as he rests his forehead on yours. “And I promise to love you forever.”

You can’t contain yourself anymore and let the tears fall. “I love you too, Aaron! I love you now and I’ll love you endlessly.”

#reader insert #criminal minds #aaron hotch #aaron hotch fic #aaron hotch fluff #aaron hotch imagine #aaron hotch x reader #aaron hotch x you #aaron hotchner #criminal minds aaron hotch

[vad-hander]

NOW, ARE YOU HAPPY?

pairing: idol!Jaehyun x reader

others: idol!Taeyong

genre: one-shot, romance, light smut, fluff, angst, strangers to lovers

warnings: swearing, break up, mentions of pregnancy and abortion, open ending

words: 22,3 k

You missed Jaehyun’s presence in your life but you couldn’t blame it on him. You were the one who told him that you didn’t love him anymore, you were the one that ended it even though he died to work everything out with you.

You put on your big girl pants when he came over to pick his stuff a couple of months ago and acted like you didn’t hurt one bit. You chose the path and you tried your best to walk it with your head held up high, not without sudden break downs, though, you hated to admit.

[19:34] from Jung Jaehyun: regardless of what terms we’re on right now, you should still come to the concert. 

[19:34] from Jung Jaehyun: hi, by the way

You chewed onto your lower lip, staring at the messages that came through right when you were waiting for the green light to turn on. Your thoughts drifted to Jaehyun and you felt sick in your stomach, holding on to it when the cars behind you signalled and you pushed gas pedal quickly, placing your hands back on the steering wheel, focusing your attention on the road. 

[20:40] from TY: Even my older sister is coming, no chance you’re getting yourself out of it. 

[20:40] from TY: I’mgoing to get a car for you tomorrow. 

[20:41] to TY: I’m not feeling well so I’m not sure if I should come ㅠㅠ

[20:44] from TY: remember you’re the one who told Jaehyun to leave? You can’t run away from him forever, he’ll have to know. 

[20:44] to TY: it’s not about this you idiot.

[20:44] to TY: and no, he doesn’t need to know. 

[20:47] to Jung Jaehyun: hi! thanks, I was planning to come anyway, it’s not like I’m going to miss out on my best friends show ^^

You almost hit send but pressed delete instead, propping the phone next to you, closing your eyes in tiredness. Nausea you felt made all of your energy go away and you found it only logical to go to bed at such an early hour, but the message you almost sent to Jaehyun replayed in your head not letting your heart beat in normal pace. The message probably would look weird to his eyes, the wording seemed too distracted and you debated for over two hours if you should text him something at all. Leaving him on read is probably as rude as sending that message, you though. 

You asked him to not be dramatic over the break up, be grown up about your decision and act like normal people would act if the both of you had to cross paths. And you knew for sure, having to be childhood best friends with his close friend, you’ll get to see each other more than you’d like to. 

[22:42] to Jung Jaehyun: I’m not going to miss out on something you worked so hard on, so see you tomorrow ^^ 

You couldn’t look at your screen any longer, seeing letters flow over the screen in circles. Your eyes were giving up on you and you finally sent the message and tucked yourself into the duvet. 

-

“Hey, I’m next to the dome, how do I get in?” you fished your chapstick out of your purse, undoing the lid with one hand and putting minty essence on your lips. 

“Oh, already? Wait a second.” you could hear him prop his phone on the table, hearing distant voices of people that surrounded Taeyong. You guessed boys were probably getting their make up and hair done with the distinct chatter of women over the phone. “I’m getting my make up done, Jaehyun will pick you up at the employee entrance at the back of the dome.”

“Not him.” you protested immediately. “Come yourself.” 

“Dude, I have one eye done, he’s coming already.” 

“Stop him, tell him not to. Ask Doyoung, or Haechan, whoever?” you felt your hand shake while you tried to shove your chapstick back down to it’s designated place, dropping it onto the ground by accident. “I didn’t prepare myself mentally.”

“Love, you‘ve spent four years with him, how come you’re terrified of the idea…” he paused and for a second you felt like the two of you got disconnected. “Wait a sec.”

“Hi, Y/n.” you heard his voice over the phone all of a sudden, squatted with your chapstick in your hand, forgetting to get up. “Tell me what you’re wearing.” his voice was as calm as he could ever make it. You exhaled and collected yourself. Jaehyun was just being normal, you should be too, no matter what, you told yourself. 

“Uhm, you know, the pink dress I have.” you kind of sounded unsure, lowering your eyes to look at your own clothes. “Why?”

“Oh, that. Okay, I just need to tell the security guard what you look like so he’ll let you in.”

“I’ll get to the other side of the dome then.”

“See you in a bit.” he said warmly into the phone and hung up. 

You hurried around the dome, feeling astonished by the number of people that stood at the back of it. It was still early before the concert and the most of early birds probably tried to fish out the boys from the back. You rushed to the door when you saw the guard walk out of it, scanning the area around. Shortening the distance to the entrance you felt more eyes focusing on you, sensing that familiar feeling of fear all over your body. That familiar feeling of being scared to get exposed. Your best advice you always gave yourself was to just lower your head and not look into anyones eyes and you chose to follow it by heart right this very moment. Regretting wearing something more than just casual clothes, you felt your appearance catch more concerned glimpses than it should’ve. 

“Hi, I guess you’re waiting for me.” you came up to the guard who was too tall for you to not raise your head up above. You tried to talk quietly because the area got seemingly quieter since the two of you began your interaction. 

“Your birthday?” he asked emotionless. 

“Hm…” you gulped and took a glance around quickly. “Can you bend a little?” you wondered if he found your request amusing but he did as you wished, allowing for you to call the date quietly. 

“Okay, come with me.” he bobbed his head and walked in direction of the entrance. Just as you got in, a slight turn to the right allowed your eyes to meet with Jaehyun that stood there quietly. 

“Hi.” you mumbled slapping yourself internally for sounding so lame. 

“Hello.” Jaehyun smiled sincerely, taking a step towards you to give you a quick hug, confusing you endlessly. “I thought Taeyong is going to send to you our driver.” 

“He wanted to, but forgot, and you know, normal taxis don’t just get to drive inside of domes.” you forced a smile and expected for him to walk towards the dressing room but he stood there looking at you. 

“You should’ve told me, i would’ve reminded him.” 

“It’s fine.” you smiled, coming up with something else you could tell him “so many people outside already.” your eyes ran over the corridor to not stare at him. “I guess they’re  excited to finally see you again.” 

“Yeah…” his hands touched his thighs while his back leaned against the wall. “Are you… okay?” 

“Yeah, yeah. It’s no big deal, I have legs.” you chuckled trying to act like you didn’t understand his question. 

“No, I meant in general. Are you okay?” he caught your gaze with his and forced you to stay still. 

“Yeah, what can be not okay?” you blinked and took a little step back trying to see his face better. Did Taeyong tell him something? You were ready to choke that skinny demon with your bare hands if he did. “Are you… okay?” you asked him back trying to make it seem as if it was a simple gesture of politeness, actually dying to see in his eyes the answer. 

“Could’ve been better, but work got me busy so maybe just a little better than bad?” he chuckled through pain and you could feel how he tried to break down the wall you built and come closer. “I..” he stuttered making you nervous and you hated hearing him being this way. You were scared shitless at what he could possibly want to say that made him so anxious. 

“Can you take me to Taeyong…?” you asked to cut him off. Standing one on one with him was making your head go dizzy even if there is dead silence between you two. 

“Oh, yeah, yeah. Of course, let’s go.” he moved quickly, making it hard for you to match the pace of his long legs. 

“You made it!” Taeyong’s voice caught your attention and helped you find him in the room full of men right as you entered it behind Jaehyun. Your eyes met with the hairdresser and you waved at Taeyong shyly deciding on not giving him a hug, hairdresser’s eyes kind of telling you to stay away and not ruin her work. 

“I’ll wait for you here.” you pointed with your finger and sat at the stool in the corner of the room. Taeyong simply nodded focusing his eyes back on his phone, playing a game, you assumed. 

Jaehyun moved his eyes from you the second you caught him staring, forcing his attention onto laughing Mark. Your eyes set on him while he was distracted, checking out the outfit he wore: his casual sweatpants and a hoodie your mom gave him for his birthday. You bit onto your lip unconsciously, forcing your inner self to move your eyes away before tears began to pour. You couldn’t help but wonder if he wore it regularly or he chose to wear it today to pull onto your strings. 

Blinking multiple times to enlighten your vision you finally noticed you sat right next to a rail full of their stage clothes. Your eyes ran from white costumes hanging closest to you to the ones with lots of rhinestones all over them. 

“Yuta, you’re next.” a girl with long hair and thick bangs said loudly, appearing next to you. Your eyes silently followed Yuta up until the moment he suddenly pulled his shirt off his body right in front of your face and you made a loud awkward gulp. Unexpected situations like that made you more startled than you wanted them to and the fact you had a mask on actually made you relieved, hiding the rosiness of your cheeks behind it. You wanted to move your gaze away but suddenly got caught up in the tattoos he had on his lower abdomen. When did he get them? Or did he always have them? You couldn’t work it out and couldn’t force yourself to look away either until the moment that white shirt that hung next to you covered his body. 

“Oh, Y/n?” you gave him a slight nod “hi!” 

“Hi.” you bowed shyly, finally moving your eyes away to the group of people sitting on the couch. Mark still laughed at whatever Haechan was saying, while Doyoung and Johnny discussed something that seemed to bother them terribly from the screen of one of the guys’ phone screen. Jaehyun’s eyes met yours and you couldn’t help but guess if he watched you stare at Yuta, he probably did. You looked over to the other corner of the room where Taeil and Taeyong were having their make up done in hopes of sending a SOS signal to your best friend but his gaze was focused on the phone completely making you distressed, watching his fingers move in distance from the reflection in the mirror. 

“Can you hold this?” Jaehyun’s voice forced your head to turn back around. “Actually, it’s cold out there you’ll probably need the hoody at the concert.” you stared blindly at him holding out a hoody with a sly smile on his face. “Or am I crossing something?” his face expression changed quickly into a concerned one when you didn’t react. 

“Oh, thank you.” you reacted too vividly belatedly, forcing half of the room look at you both. You could sense them knowing already the two of you broke up since the stares were literally burning a whole in you. “I’ll take it, thank you.” you stretched your lips in a thin line, taking it with both hands. You almost bowed at him reflexively but stopped yourself mid action trying to seem as if you’re just standing up to put it on, visibly reducing the distance between you two. 

“Jaehyun, put this on quickly.” you heard the same girl call out for him, constraining his attention to go on her. He moved quickly, still standing closer to you than you’d want him to, pulling the hem of his shirt up in the swiftest motion. Your entire system malfunctioned and him leaning behind you to lay the shirt on the rack didn’t help one bit. He probably implied on you moving to the side but how could you when your heart went in overdrive and your brain decided to go through all the times he took off his clothes in front of you, the freshets memory being not older than three months. Deep breathing was promised to help in stressful situations but the very moment you needed it to work you were getting no result. 

“Hey?” he asked concerned and leaned in more to you the moment he heard you take deep breaths in. “What’s up?” you couldn’t reply feeling yourself on the verge of tears. Your hormones suddenly felt like it’s time to regret every decision you made in the past months. Instantly every thought in your head went to taking your words back right there in the dressing room, asking him to forget you made him leave. You felt like breaking down in front of everyone, and while all these thoughts ran through your brain, your lungs began hyperventilating probably making it look like you were dying behind that stupid mask. Jaehyun moved his hands from the buttons of his shirt behind your ear, taking off the mask and helping you breathe. “What’s wrong?” he panicked visibly, forcing for you to sit back down. “Wait.” he flashed before your eyes to the table with food, grabbing a water bottle and shoving it into your arms the next second. “Drink it, did you ever feel anything like that before?” he kneeled before you, watching your throat bob every time you gulped on water. 

“No, I didn’t, I’m fine.” you forced a smile and pushed the bottle towards him. 

“Don’t act like we’re strangers. Literally three months ago you told me there’s no one else closer for you than me and now you’re almost chocking on air and the next minute I ask you what’s up - you’re fine.” his eyes searched for an answer you didn’t have for him. 

“You did that on purpose.” you furrowed your eyebrows. 

“Did what?” his eyes made you believe he didn’t know what you meant. You got a strong will to slap him for being too innocent, but more than that you just wanted to caress his rosey cheek. “You mean changing into stage clothes?”

“Oh, shut up.” 

“What?” he leaned in closer. 

“So you’re changing clothes right in front of me to get whatever reaction you want to get? Or what? If you’re thinking I’ll see your abs and fall in love with you once again, you’re stupid. This only happened because of my health condition.” you tried to talk slower to not seem mad. 

“What happened? Are you two fighting again?” Taeyong appeared next to the both of you and squatted next to Jaehyun right before he opened his mouth. 

“No. She’s just sick because of her health condition.” Jaehyun tried to make fun of you, it seemed. “Did you tell him? That you’re…” Taeyong looked at the two of you confused, drawing circles directed at his stomach with his pointing finger in the air and you almost raised your hand to punch him. 

“That she’s what?” Jaehyun turned around confused. 

“Oh, wait, you didn’t?” Taeyong jumped up and looked away. “Shit, I’m sorry. She got food poisoning, thats why she’s kinda Ill.” you closed your eyes and sighed. Did he really think Jaehyun’s going to buy what he said? If you had a food poisoning Taeyong would’ve made fun of you since the second you showed up, involving every single person he’d be able to. 

“Is that it?” Jaehyun’s fingers laid atop of your knee and you looked at him. 

“Your hand…” 

“I’m sorry.” he shook his head disapprovingly of his own action. 

“Take this too actually, I’m going to be fine.” you pushed the hoodie back into his arms. “I’ll drink something warm if it’ll be cold.” you smiled politely and stood up, getting into Taeyong’s embrace the next second. He murmured sweetly into your ear calming you down and your heart finally felt fine. He kept you occupied right up to the minute they had to go on stage. You stood quietly in the corner of the corridor, watching all 9 of them say their chants and get in the mood for the show. You waved them good luck as they left to their spots, catching Jaehyun’s body move towards you until he realised he shouldn’t. You wanted him to walk towards you too, you could not stand there and not reminisce on those rare times you kissed him quickly before he went to the stage, dying for the end of their performance to be able to hug him when your touch won’t mess up his stage appearance. 

Jaehyun stretched his arm towards you anyway when he walked past you and you shook it quickly with both of yours in support. The contact, the way his fingers hooked around yours and the way he held onto them for the longest time possible just made you realise how hungry you felt for him. How much affection from him meant to you and how badly you were in need of it. 

*

“The show’s insane.” you smiled widely at Taeyong when he appeared right next to you. 

“Wait, I’ll change, don’t go anywhere, okay?” his reply was quick and you guessed he was still busy. 

Time wasn’t flying while you waited, more likely it crawled like a dying snail, minutes barely changing in what felt like forever. You finally heard men walk in distance and your guess was right - someone was leaving the dome. Couple of minutes later, when it felt like everyone probably left by now, you heard quick steps and someone trying to match the walk. 

“Jaehyun, seriously, calm down.” you heard Taeyong’s voice the moment you were able to see them two run down the corridor towards you. “You’re not going to do any good for the both of you like that.”

“Why did you not tell me?” Jaehyun shouted when he was not more than two meters away from you. “Why the hell did you hide it from me?” he stood in front of you quicker than you wished, lowering his body above the chair you sat on, keeping his palms on the armrests for support. 

“What?” you furrowed your eyebrows at him. 

“Why did you hide from me that you’re pregnant?” he shouted out of breath and you felt pain. You knew the day he’d find out somehow would come but this wasn’t meant to be the so called day. 

“I-I…” his stare was expectant and furious. “Don’t look at me like that and don’t shout!” 

“Why did you not tell me we’re having a baby?” he ignored your words but his presence most definitely got lighter. He lowered the tone of his voice a little, still being as furious as ever. 

“There’s no we, Jaehyun. And there’s no baby either.” 

“Huh?” Taeyong chimed in from behind. “What you mean?”

“Did you lie to me?” Jaehyun turned to face his friend. 

“She…Wait, Y/n, did YOU lie to me?” Taeyong took a step closer to you confused. 

“I didn’t, I was… pregnant…” the two men stared at you bewildered. 

“Huh? You had a miscarriage or something?” Taeyong took another step to you visibly nervous. “Why you didn’t tell me?” 

“No, not that. I went through a termination.”

“You mean like abo…”

“Yes, this.” you didn’t let Jaehyun finish his sentence. 

“But why? When?” you knew Taeyong was confused like hell, three days ago the two of you were having a conversation about the month the baby was going to be born in and now you drop the news at him. 

“Today. That’s why I felt sick earlier. It’s really no big deal, you two shouldn’t be worried like that.”

“No big deal? No big deal? Are you kidding me?” Jaehyun pushed himself from you, walking in quick circles over the corridor. “What is wrong with you?” he stormed towards you with nothing but insanity in his eyes. 

“Hey, dude, calm down.” Taeyong caught him half way. “She’s probably feeling much worse than you do.” 

“She hid from me the fact that she’s pregnant, broke up with me and now when I get to know she’s pregnant, she says she got rid of my child? Without even telling me? Even a single message saying ‘hey, I was pregnant with your baby, but I’m getting rid of it tonight’ would’ve been better than finding out this way. And you think she feels worse? Seriously?” he breathed heavily and you couldn’t raise your eyes up from your knees in shame, watching warm droplets leave wet stains on your clothes. It hurt you terribly to hurt Jaehyun but there was no way back now. “Taeyong, let go of me, I’m fine, seriously, I swear.” Taeyong looked up Jaehyun, setting him free in a second. “I… do you not want to tell me anything? Look me in the eyes maybe? Not a single thing? Hm?” his body towered above you and you actually did raise your head to look at him but the contact didn’t last for more than five seconds because of Jaehyun. “You know, actually I don’t want to look at you. I can’t believe you did all of this. I thought you loved me the way I loved you. I… I can’t believe and I don’t want to believe. You’re making me sick.” he turned away on his heels quickly, running away. 

*

“I know Doyoung’s your best friend, but he isn’t mine. I’m not going to come, I’m sorry.” 

“Pretty please?” Taeyong whined over the phone. 

“You know everything is crooked, I’m not going to come to your place when Jaehyun’s totally going to be there.” you sighed, moving your eyes to another book on the shelf. 

“He actually wanted to talk to you, maybe you should come. You know, he’s been all upset these two months and told me he doesn’t feel good bout your last conversation, you should totally come.” you could hear the sound of his favourite PC game in the background. “Oh, sh…” he exclaimed randomly and went quiet. 

“Are you setting me up with him?”

“I’m not, you’re not a stranger to neither of us and Doyoung would like to see you, plus you do really need to get clean with Jaehyun. I’m not pushing but I know it’s something that could make you feel better…”

“I don…”

“No matter what the outcome is, y’all need to talk.” Taeyong cut you off. 

“Okay.” 

“You’re coming?”

“No, I’m just agreeing it’ll make me feel much better.” 

“Come then, I can come pick you up.” 

“Nah, just play your games.”

“I have to go buy cake anyway, you’ll gladly help me, I know it.” you could feel him smile through the phone. “This month is always insane.”

“Yeah.” you sighed into the phone. 

“Did you think about Jaehyun’s birthday?”

“What you mean?”

“Don’t know, maybe you were planning on a gift or something…”

“I wasn’t.” you said roughly. 

“Okay, okay. I was just thinking what I should get him.” the clicking of his mouse was all that you could hear for a while. “Where are you? I’ll pick you up and we’ll go to Paris Baguette or something.” 

*

“Did you tell Jaehyun I’ll come?”

“I did.” Taeyong nodded, resting his arm over your shoulders. 

“At least we know why he left, right?” you chuckled not knowing if you were glad or upset about it. 

“Maybe he has schedules or something? I can text him.” Taeyong moved his free hand to grab  his phone. 

“No don’t, I don’t care.” you looked him deep in the eyes and Taeyong bobbed his head in agreement. 

“Okay, you don’t.” his eyes ran over the room and you did the same. 

“I thought you meant there’s going to be a party or something.” you looked over the take out on the table. 

“It is low-key a party, isn’t it?” he chuckled making you question him. Doyoung himself wasn’t even home yet. Mark and Haechan sat on the other side of the room playing something on their phones. Yuta ran over the room once and the rest of the people that lived here were nowhere to be seen. 

“Where’s Doyoung?” 

“I didn’t ask him, it’ll be too sus to ask.” 

“And what if they’re having a party somewhere else?” 

“Doyoung will come, I know he knows I’ll buy him cake.”

“And the rest? Do they know?” 

“We’ll they might show up, I don’t know. I just asked you to come because I didn’t want you to be alone, not because there was a big ass party planned.” 

“Okay…” you sighed at him, picking up your chopsticks to munch on food. 

“Hey, Jaehyun texted me he’s with Doyoung.” Mark announced loudly and at the mention of your lovers name you felt like you had digestive problems. “They’re actually in front of the house.” 

“Jaehyun’s going to ruin it if he’ll come with him to our floor, text him.” Haechan exclaimed quickly. 

“He said he’s coming with him to pick up a hoodie from Taeyong.”

“Me? What hoodie.” 

“A fake one, obviously, Taeyong, use your brain.” you shook your head and put the chopsticks away, hearing Haechan’s distant giggles. 

“Okay, let’s hide.” he quickly dragged you behind the counter and ran over to the corner, lighting up the candles. The house was pitch black and a moment later you could hear the code being punched in. Doyoung’s giggle filled the room before he probably noticed it being dark. 

“Oh, no one’s here?”

“Maybe in their rooms.” Jaehyuns voice made you shiver. 

“Yeah.” Doyoung agreed before turning the lights on, forcing the 5 of you to jump out of your hide outs. You sang the happy birthday song together, quietly watching the boys hug for way too long, finally giving Doyoung a quick awkward hug and stepping back. They sat down and the unending blabbering party began. 

You blinked often and smiled with all of your strength as if you were engaged in the heated conversation they had to not focus your vision on Jaehyun that weirdly enough sat right across you, munching on the piece of cake for the past 30 minutes. He didn’t speak much but you could vividly hear him every time he laughed loudly at the jokes that were told. Your eyes fixated on his hand that held the fork, not believing the fact he was still torturing the chocolate goodness on the plate. You wondered how long would it take him to finally finish it off, when his head suddenly raised and caught you stare. He smiled at you fondly and you didn’t find anything better than to roll your eyes at him in reply. You felt stupidity of your action but you leaned back onto the couch, turning your head towards Taeyong more. 

“Guys, I’ll go.” Jaehyun sighed in what felt like not later than five minutes, placing the fork next to the still unfinished cake and stood up. “Doyoung, happy birthday once again.” 

“Why so early, Jaehyunah?” Johnny asked in his whiny tone.

“Suddenly felt like going to bed early tonight.” he smoothed out the jeans on his legs, grabbing the phone from the table to go. 

“Yeah, sure.” you chuckled annoyed, but more importantly disappointed. First and foremost disappointed in yourself for acting the way you did. The grown ups agenda seemed to not work out on your side the most and you couldn’t believe you were doing things the way you shouldn’t. 

“Are you two somehow learned to fight through telepathy?” 

“We never fought, what are you talking about?” 

“I’m not going to fight with you over this either.” Taeyong shook his head and turned away. 

*

“Hey, you’re bored?” Taeyong touched your shoulder when your hands reached for another piece of cake. “Can you do me a favour?”

“Sure.” you nodded and turned to face your friend properly. 

“Take the left overs to the other floor.” 

“Why me? Yuta’s going to go back there anyway.” 

“By the time he’ll go there will be nothing to take.” Taeyong’s eyes pointed at your plate. 

“You’re doing this on purpose?” 

“I’m not!” he whined suddenly “Just go and come back quickly. I still have to take you home.” 

“Fine.” you sighed and stood up. 

“Yo, I’m sorry. Could you get my hoodie? It should be on the couch.” Mark raised a hand at you as if he was talking to a waiter “If it’s not, then it’s totally fine. Someone probably took it to my room, don’t worry.”  

“Ugh, yeah, okay.” you said awkwardly and felt Taeyong shove the cake box into your hands. 

“Go.” he pointed at the door. 

“It’s green, by the way.” Mark shouted suddenly when you were at the door and you smiled at him awkwardly once again. 

Knocking on the door just in case, before entering the living room, you found it empty, sighing relieved. Maybe Jaehyun did plan on calling it a night early. This, only seemed like a good thing to you. 

Your feet quickly took you to the fridge that was right around the corner from the entrance of the apartment, placing the cake on one of the shelfs. Your plan was quick and simple: put the cake in the fridge and run away as if you never were there. You were half way to succeeding when the killing desire to eat the piece Taeyong took you away from won over and you brought the cake back out from the fridge, placing it on the table. Your fingers quickly got rid of the box, taking the piece and finally savouring the flavour when you heard a familiar melody. Your jaw moved slower and slower, until you stopped chewing completely, perching your ears up to hear the melody better. 

Instantly realising what the melody was, you stood up, not even bothering to clean up after yourself. Your feet took you to the source of that sound, knowing the path way too well. You stopped at the door, hoping to not disturb Jaehyun. The door was locked not letting you peek at the boy that was playing his keyboard behind the door. 

“Why are you playing this.” you whispered through greeted teeth, leaning against the wall next to the door. You breathed heavily, unconsciously placing your palm over your stomach. Closing your eyes, you tried to calm yourself down, get back to cake and leave to the party. Your brain glitched and you could put your life on it you could hear him sing even though you were damn sure he wasn’t in reality. The lyrics flowed through your head making last cells of sanity leave your brain. You fought with the urgent will to break in and smash the keyboard against the floor for him to stop playing the song. For him to stop messing with your mind like that. Messing with every decision you thought was right. 

*

You met Jaehyun years ago through Taeyong, obviously. He wanted you to meet the guy that he was head over heals for to be friends with, the kindest and funniest guy he ever met as he used to tell you all the time. You were thrilled but worried, for the most part. 

You wouldn’t name yourself a possessive person, or more accurately - you weren’t mature enough to recognise it within your system. You felt a sting in your heart ever since Taeyong got into that entertainment company. You knew being afraid he’d give you up unintentionally for someone else wasn’t healthy to start with, but you dismissed it as lack of human interactions on your side. You weren’t thinking low of Taeyong, you knew he wouldn’t dump you because you weren’t enough of a supportive and understanding friend or weren’t that good enough in general, but because being best friends with someone else that was able to be around you at most times was easier. You knew that and you knew it was only human nature, but previous encounters with your long forgotten friends made cold sweats run down your back and the talk of meeting the Jaehyun guy brought the stinging feeling back to your chest alongside fear. 

You wanted to let him know you knew Taeyong better, you wanted him to know you were better friend to him, than that guy could ever be. You tried your best to even erase his name from your brain, act like you never remembered what Taeyong said, maybe play pretend you didn’t expect a third wheel at your coffee break. Anything, to show that person that this territory is taken by a scary bitch he shouldn’t cross paths with. You planned on your way to meeting them how you’re going to be unaffected and pretentious. The traffic on your way gave even more spare time to spit your inner venom secretly on Taeyong’s new friend, making a very toxic brain cell of yours fixating on the fact he was younger, giving you a feeling you could tap on it. 

Everything you planned out began falling apart the moment you entered the cafe. The guy next to Taeyong looked fine and just that made you go in doubt with your own self. Taeyong waved at you enthusiastically right after his eyes fixated on you, motioning with his other hand in your direction for Jaehyun to see. The brown haired guy waved at you slightly too, smiling, making the dimples on his cheeks more visible as you stepped closer. You gasped and moved your eyes from him. He was nice and probably as sweet as Taeyong had described him. Maybe, even more sweet than Taeyong could ever describe him, your eyes ran over his figure, that was hiding behind the table once again. 

You watched Jaehyun’s long fingers wrap over the glass of iced coffee, catching the straw with his tongue and looked away disappointed once again. There wasn’t a single visible reason to hate him for, and the more time you spent at that cafe, the more it helped you to get even more convinced than before that he was flawless. 

Jaehyun slowly became a part of your life, much like Taeyong has been for the past eternity. He felt like a child that you and Taeyong had to raise, like a step-son you took partial interest in raising. You weren’t much older but the relationship built the maternal way subconsciously on your side and Jaehyun  never fought it. The two of you didn’t turn into the bestest of friends, Jaehyun didn’t become your third best friend expanding your circle. You just accepted his existence and played along whenever you had to interact, and that was that. You kind of went with the ‘keep your enemies close’ tactic and it seemed to work, keeping the biggest threat of your friendship with Taeyong under a microscope. 

And if it seemed to some around that your obsession with Taeyong was hidden under a crush, the two of you knew it was completely not that way. The first year you got in college you got in a relationship with a guy the name of which you liked to not say out loud anymore. It still felt like you did him dirty, like you betrayed him and quietly left, watched the love you had fall apart in pieces and then silently agree to break up. 

Keeping an eye on Jaehyun took so much time you found yourself falling out of love and out of relationship. Your boyfriend felt the switch turn and with that you just parted. Not painfully, you longed for him and felt his absence, but it didn’t last long. Later on you realised that he was one of the things you were used to and when he left you finally understood you were insanely scared to let go of things you were used to. Whether it was a plushy from your childhood, a plate you were given on your 10th birthday all cracked on its sides by now or a boyfriend you found yourself not even loving anymore, just being with him cause you were used to it. 

You were scared of Taeyong having other friends because you were used to being his only real friend. Jaehyun scared you because he was a threat that could push you from your warmed metaphorical seat. A constant in Taeyong’s life, you were scared to lose the title but the title didn’t matter at the end of the day. You were yet to understand that, but the road was paved the day you broke up with that guy. 

Taeyong’s life was changing drastically and the more time you spent apart, you went through constant fear, but every time he came back as attached to you as ever, you realised the fear was unreasonable. He loved you dearly, Taeyong wasn’t about to give you up just because you didn’t see each other for a week, he wouldn’t give your friendship up even if you didn’t see each other for months. He proved it insane amount of times and this too, helped your heart feel at ease. 

Accepting Jaehyun as no threat seemed to change your acceptance of his existence too. Jaehyun’s presence finally didn’t bother you in the way it used to and that alone helped you to understand him better, feel around him freer and maybe, for real this time, treat him like a friend. 

It wasn’t until you got your first job after graduating university, when the relationship between you and Jaehyun took a turn. 

While all your friends kept on sharing their stories of understanding and helpful bosses at their jobs, lovely first months of adaptation and support at work, you had absolutely nothing to add up to that. 

Your boss if not hated the guts of you, was really good at pretending he did so. A month later you snapped, you told him very blatantly that the way he interacted with you wasn’t pleasant in any way you’d look at it, and his constant nagging and pressuring you, even when the papers were utterly flawless, oppresses your mental health drastically. At the end of the day you were a newbie and that’s what’s been told on your resume, that’s what you spoke about at the interview. You were told you’ll be learned everything you might not know of the business, anything you could be struggling with. And, for a fair point, you weren’t even struggling with anything, except for relationship with your boss. 

He listened to you carefully, with no visible emotion on his still young face. For a split second you even thought he’ll consider your words for real, but the thought died quickly, when you saw his welcoming hand to follow him into his office. You stood there like a fool, afraid of speaking up. He took off his jacket and placed it on the backrest of his seat, sitting down and finally raising his eyes up to a standing you. 

“If I knew you’d do your job right, I wouldn’t have to stay until late to check up on everything you did during the day. You’re no special, if you’re thinking I’m giving you some sort of special treatment, your completely wrong. If you want to grow, earn experience, you should stop crying to your boyfriend every time I point out at the mistakes and flaws of your papers and presentations.”

“Mr. Kang, I don’t have a boyf…”

“I don’t care, I heard just enough of your crying over the phone for the past weeks. If you can’t take the job, you should’ve never come here. If you can’t do what you’re asked to do, then I’ll find you another job, good? If you’re weak brain isn’t used to things like that, it’s fine. There’s a job for everyone, you could switch to a coffee lady here.” 

“Mr. Kang, I did nothing wrong.”

“But you seem to struggle, aren’t you?”

“I’m not. I’m doing with my job just fine.” 

“Yeah, just fine and you’re supposed to be doing amazing. Maybe you should focus more on you job?” 

“I am, focused.” your breath hitched and he probably noticed by now that you were catching tears with your fingers. 

“That’s why women like you are so useless.” he sighed disappointed and looked away. You felt like someone threw a bucket of trash over your head, but still feared to move a foot to exit. “You’re free for today. Come back tomorrow either with a resignation paper or will to work. You get me?” you tried to catch your silent cries to finally be able to look at him and talk, but you couldn’t just yet “Jesus, just leave already, I’m not here to watch your ugly crying.” 

You turned around on your heels, running. You ran from his office to your table, taking your bag and leaving the office quicker than you thought was possible. Out of all mean things he said about you, the one resonated the most while you were escaping the building was the one about your ugly crying. You tried to hide your face with your palm even though you knew it wasn’t probably doing anything, all the surprised office workers stared while you ran. Taeyong wasn’t picking his phone up no matter how many times you called, making you pissed off. He probably was consumed in his PC once again, not even finding a second to look at the screen of his phone. You hissed through greeted teeth unpleasant words towards Taeyong after another missed call on his side, catching a taxi with your free hand. With a loud click of your tongue you made up your mind to go to the dorms. He couldn’t be anywhere else. 

When you were set free for the day, it already was half past four, and by the time you got to the dorms the sun was already setting. First aftershocks and a strong feeling of humiliation had passed and by the time you knocked on the door of the apartment, you were so tired you just wanted to fall asleep on Taeyong’s bed to the sound of clicks of his computer mouse. 

“Oh, hi?” a guy you never saw before opened the door. His eyes ran over your body and landed back on your face. “How did you get here?” 

“Excuse me?” you asked confused “I’m Taeyong’s friend, Y/n.”

“Y/n?” the guy seemed to remember your name from somewhere. 

“Yes. Taeyong doesn’t answer my calls, I came here because I need to see him. Can I come in?” 

“Ugh, he’s not home. Are you… are you for real Y/n? Just making sure, because girls come up here sometimes trying to come in under different pretexts.” 

“Do they come up here crying and saying they’re Taeyong’s friends?” 

“No, I’m sorry. I do believe you but he still isn’t home.” They guy looked apologetic and you had no other option than to believe him. 

“The only time I needed him he suddenly fleets from his room.” you mumbled under your breath, turning to run down the stairs without even saying goodbye. 

“I think he’ll be back soon, you could wait for him.” the boy shouted but you already were down one flight of stairs to turn back and come in. 

Instead, you sat down on the bench a couple of meters away from the entrance. Maybe the guy was right, and Taeyong will be home soon, you could just wait here. Or, at least, if he’s not coming back until you’re freezing on this bench to death, you could at least regain a bit of your energy, to be able to take your drained body home. The weird silence of the street and insanely paced train of thoughts in your brain made your heart feel uneasy. You could feel your palms sweat just at the thought of coming back to work tomorrow. You called Taeyong once again, meeting with silence and even higher panic levels. You could almost feel your phone slip out of your clammy hands, dropping it onto the bench to wipe your palms against the pants you wore. 

Being left alone totally, most definitely wasn’t the nicest of things after you were named things you never thought you will be named, after being stomped like that cause of nothing by your boss. You tucked your feet closer to your body, wrapping your arms around, to not let them fall back to the ground. Propping your head on the backrest you looked up to the sky in weak attempts to pass the time. Watch the sky and finally hear Taeyong’s steps getting to the entrance. But he wasn’t anywhere near, and his steps didn’t bother your hearing. It was pretty quiet and the only sound was made by your sobs that suddenly began to increase. You couldn’t sense the moment tears began flooding your ears again, just the feeling of warm trails turn into cold ones as the autumn breeze hit your skin brought you back to your feelings. You just couldn’t understand why people had to be so cruel. You did nothing wrong and injustice of the world only made the tears come out harder. 

“Hey, Y/n, is that you?” you shoot your head to look forward, wiping the stains of tears as quickly as possible, as if it was the only trail of your crying. 

“Ugh, Jaehyun, hi.” you chuckled awkwardly and sat even more back down onto the bench. 

“Are… are you okay?” he asked and his voice kinda broke, still standing far away from you. 

“Yeah, I was just waiting for Taeyong, it’s fine.” you gestured with your hand that you were fine and only then Jaehyun took a step closer to you. 

“Is he not home?”

“Nuh-uh, went somewhere. It’s fine though, I’ll wait for him here, you can go.” you mastered a smile to reassure him but it seemed to not work. Jaehyun placed his body next to yours, resting his back on the backrest of the bench. You held your breath expectant of what he’ll say to you, what he’ll want to know or what he’ll do, but he just sat quietly. You didn’t dare to turn your head and look at him because you most definitely would feel awkward to look at him with your puffy, red from crying face. 

“I know we’re not close, but if you need a shoulder to cry on right now, I won’t hesitate to give you one. You don’t even have to explain to me what’s up. If you don’t want to, we can just quietly wait for Taeyong here.” you took a loud hitched breath as if you were about to speak, but no words came out of your mouth.

“My boss is a bastard.” you could feel Jaehyun’s eyes fix on your back after you spoke, expecting for him to reply back anything, but he was probably allowing for you to say what you found important to share. “He said I should be a coffee lady instead, because I’m useless and not focusing on work enough.” you found yourself crying once again, making all those words come through your body. Jaehyun’s warm palm landed on your back, caressing it in soothing motion. This probably was the first physical contact you have ever had with him, you never even gave hugs to each other when you met, you just waved and it seemed like enough. But this encounter just made you want more of the contact, and not specifically with Jaehyun, but with anyone who would be able to give you a hug and caress your hair until you cry out all the tears that were there. 

“Men like that are probably dissatisfied with their own lifes and are trying to build younger people they have power over the same way.” your head snapped to watch Jaehyun’s face expression. It was emotionless, he looked like he didn’t care and this, weirdly enough, made you calmer. 

“Did you mean it? That you won’t hesitate to give me your shoulder to cry on?” you scanned his face and he nodded, tapping lightly with his fingers on his shoulder next to yours, as if inviting you to it. 

“But why would he say any of that? Out of the blue?” Jaehyun asked carefully, caressing your head, while it rested against his shoulder. Practically your entire body rested against his, with your folded knees falling over his thighs, when you changed your sitting arrangement to get his body under yours. Jaehyun’s other hand held your shoulders, and if someone passed you two by, you looked like two lovers glued to each other. 

“He’s always been like that, but today he was extra picky with everything, when I asked him a single question he snapped and shouted, I told him it distresses me and then he began his rant.”

“Did you cry in front of him?” Jaehyun’s hand stopped moving and you raised your head to look him in the eyes and nodded. “Don’t cry, if he says something next time, he shouldn’t see you weak. He probably feeds off of your crying.” 

“I wasn’t planning on breaking down in front of him anyway, especially now after he called me an ugly cryer as well.” you moved your head down suddenly feeling self conscious of looking at Jaehyun this close. You wiped your falling tear with your fingers, wrapping your hands around your body. 

“Hey…” Jaehyun sighed to catch your attention and raise your head back to look at him, but you ignored his little hail. Jaehyun’s fingers moved from your head onto your cheek, they moved slowly, ever so lightly, your skin almost not being able to feel them, but how could you not, when his motions suddenly became too intimate for your sanity. Jaehyun’s fingers laid atop of your jaw, while his thumb drew tiny circles over your cheek. You couldn’t catch if he was being, actually, affectionate, or if your tired brain took a friendly gesture elsewhere. “Will you not look at me?” he chuckled when you, trying to work out what was going on, took too long. “I will kiss you without your consent if you won’t raise your eyes at me.” your eyes quickly found Jaehyun’s to see if he was joking, and he seemed to be not. “I should’ve said that I like you before I said this thing about the kiss, right?” he chuckled and moved his head as if disapproving of his own self. 

“Are you saying this just because I told you my boss called me ugly?” 

“No… but kinda yes, I mean…” He rumbled and you found it cute. He seemed nervous and this at least hinted that he was honest. “I kind of wanted to protest and say that you’re insanely beautiful, but this probably would sound weird and I thought I should tell you first that…” Jaehyun’s fingers stopped moving, his brain being too preoccupied with turning words into sentences. 

“Maybe you should’ve kissed me without explaining it much.” you interrupted him, trying to hide a smile that shone over your lips with a smirk. 

“But can I?” his eyes got wider as if he didn’t expect this kind of reply from you. You raised one of your hands that’s been laying over your stomach for too long now, quietly hooking it over Jaehyun’s neck as a call to action. 

“You can.” you whispered in reply, when Jaehyun’s head moved towards yours. You closed your eyes when you could feel Jaehyun press his lips against yours, and you kissed him back - deeply and slowly. Your other hand was gripping onto Jaehyun’s cheek to pull his mouth closer to yours, pin his body against yours more. His tongue found yours and suddenly you found yourself craving for way much more than what he asked for. Asking him to sleep with you would probably scare him away, if you were him, you’d think that you wanted to put the stress and frustration away with sex, and you didn’t want him to think that. You didn’t want him to do anything that would make him dislike you, suddenly the fleeting feeling of finding him attractive ran through your stomach. You pulled back first and wiped the lipstick stains off his lips. Jaehyun watched you silently, catching your fingers with his, when you wanted to drop your hand back onto your lap, and hooked it over his neck once again. 

“And can I kiss you once more?” his whisper landed on your lips, not asking for any answer, as his lips covered yours. 

*

This, was a terribly bad idea. When the guy at the dorm said Taeyong wasn’t home, you should’ve caught a taxi and get back home. This, didn’t seem like a good thing, more, like a start of something wrong, you thought to yourself, when you sat at the office next week, still in doubt if you should tell Taeyong what happened or not. 

“My dear miss Y/n.” you heard a familiar voice from above of your cubicle, raising your head to see Mr. Kang. “Not enough tasks to keep you occupied for the whole day? I’d rather you check up on those papers you give to your seniors, than stare blankly into the screen of your computer. You know, it’s not that much I’m asking of your little brain.” 

“Mr. Kang, of course, I’ll check my papers carefully before giving them to you.” you bowed in your seat and put on a smile, wishing for him to go. As if he read your thoughts, your boss turned around noiselessly and began walking away. 

“You better are, bitch.” you swore to god you heard him mumble, gasping and standing up in your seat. The loud noise of the wheels moving probably made it sound as if you fell off your stool and he turned around. “Y/n? What’s wrong?” he looked at you expressionless for a split second making you believe you were hallucinating. 

“Did you…” you wanted to ask directly if he called you a bitch, but this probably would attract even more attention of your co-workers. “Did you say, anything, sir? I think I might’ve not heard you correctly.” 

“Oh, miss Y/n, I didn’t, you might be starting hearing things. I guess, the stress is really getting the best of you.” he pursed his lips, and turned on heels, raising eyebrows and left. 

*

 Your eyes were running between windows on the building you stood in front of. You doubted and shifted from one foot to other, looking at the screen of your phone and then hiding it back in your pocket. 

You were distressed. Distressed because you were sure your boss called you a bitch but you had nothing on you to prove it. Distressed, because there wasn’t a single evening since the day Jaehyun kissed you, that you haven’t thought of him. You haven’t talked to him, either, but this, wasn’t that much of a surprise to you. You’d feel more pressured if he suddenly began texting you non-stop, pressing and invading your inner peace. You two probably needed to talk everything out somehow, but the nature of your relationship didn’t really give you a chance to do so.

You said ‘fuck it’ and brought your phone back out. Your fingers quickly found Jaehyun’s name in the phone book, running your eyes through the dead chat for the 100th time for the past 10 minutes. The last message there was from two months ago. You asked Jaehyun, if Taeyong was at home, and his simple ‘idk’ was the very end of your conversation. 

to:Jaehyun 

“are you home?”

You hit send and regretted it immediately. He probably won’t see the message now and will text you hours later when you’ll be already home. It’ll only make things more awkward in the future, when you’ll have to tell him something, anything. You should’ve called and asked him over the call, but now calling and texting would make you look desperate for his attention, and you hated to seem desperate. You swore under your breath and turned to walk away, when your phone vibrated. 

from:Jaehyun 

“yeah” 

to: Jaehyun

“d’you think you could come outside?”

from: Jaehyun 

“give me a minute” 

You read the notification, locking your phone and focusing your vision on the entrance. You felt your heart beat in your ears and you hoped  it’ll stop before Jaehyun shows up in front of you or you might pass out. Soon enough, a figure was visible through a glass door, not even guessing, you knew it was Jaehyun. When his eyes were able to spot you and his hand reached out for the door, you walked in his direction. More likely you stormed in his direction, stopping on your tracks, when he was a couple of steps away. 

“Did something happen?” he looked at you confused. 

“Yeah.” you nodded and raised your arms to wrap over his shoulders, forcing Jaehyun to bend his back to get his face closer to you. “And only you can make me feel better.” his eyes watched your lips move and when you stopped talking, he let you move his face even closer and lock your lips. Jaehyun’s fingers gripped your waist, keeping you in place, and you weren’t really sure now who was taking over the kiss. You found your hands over Jaehyun’s cheeks, when he pushed you away slightly, pecking your lips to let you breathe. 

“Do you want to tell me what happened?” his grip on your waist loosened, making you wish he gave you a hug. You nodded and Jaehyun let you go, initiating a walk near their dorm. 

*

to: Jaehyun

“do you think, we could see each other?”

You texted Jaehyun nonchalantly. Your messaging history with him seemed to get more active than before, since the last time you asked him to come out wasn’t more than a week ago.

You stared at your phone, biting onto your lip. It was midday, he probably was asleep, at least, that’s when Taeyong usually was barely awake and you guessed that’s what everyone at their dorm did.

 You might’ve cried through the whole night after leaving work around midnight last night, after one more ugly rant of your boss, but you were not planning to admit that to anyone. You took a sick leave and didn’t want to give any fucks about what would he think of your sudden sickness. You wanted to see Jaehyun and get his help on releasing your stress, and maybe, most likely, you wanted him to do more than just kiss you, and lack of reply on his side made you more frustrated than you would like it to. 

from: Jaehyun

“it’s alarming, you know that?” he texted you back later on. 

to: Jaehyun

“wdym”

from: Jaehyun 

“stress levels at your work are alarming.” you chuckled at his reply, biting onto your lower lip to think of reply. 

“we can, though.”

“I’m out of the dorm, so just tell me where you’d like to meet.” 

to: Jaehyun 

“think you could come up to mine like now?” 

from: Jaehyun

“I thought you’re at the office” 

to: Jaehyun 

“I took a sick leave”

“I got sick and tired thinking of you and not being able to have you by my side.” you re-wrote the message 10 times, making your insides do a flip. This, kinda took you somewhere else, somewhere where you weren’t just asking Jaehyun for kisses to release stress. 

from: Jaehyun 

“okay”

“your address?” his response seemed too dry for your own liking and you hated yourself internally for letting him know you were thinking of him like that. 

You sent the address and dropped the phone onto the couch. He should’ve replied differently, and the thought sat in your brain until you heard another notification. 

“by the way, I got sick and tired thinking of you and not being able to have you by my side months ago.” he sent and you froze. You kind of erased his sudden confession out of your brain, not because you didn’t take it into account, but because Taeyong still had no clue about all this, and because kissing for a couple of times in a grown up world wasn’t meant to mean much, right? 

It didn’t mean to mean much, but it did for Jaehyun already, and maybe, probably did for you too.

You felt heaviness in your chest while you waited for him to come. You knew that it was there because you wanted to feel his lips on yours, run your fingers through his hair, feel his fingers on your cheek. Your breath hitched when he pressed on the door bell and you ran, but then paused before the door to not seem like you were desperate, once again. You gave yourself a promise to keep yourself collected and pushed the door open. Jaehyun stood there in a black jean jacket, with his fringe tucked behind a black cap. His hands were in his pockets, scanning your figure that was still wearing pyjamas. 

“Hi.” You smiled and walked to the side, inviting him to come. “We don’t really greet each other, do we?” you chuckled and watched him undo his converse. 

“Yeah.” he nodded and stood back up, looking around. “Hi.” Jaehyun took off his jacket, revealing to you that he’s wearing a black t-shirt, and held it in his hands, before you reached out and hung it by the door. Jaehyun stood quietly and watched your every motion. Suddenly you realised that maybe kissing was your own very special way of killing the awkwardness of being one on one and you should’ve not held back and just kissed him. “Something happened, right?” you looked at the floor, being ashamed of the whole idea of calling him over in the first place. “I mean, we don’t really talk to each other if it’s not you willing to release stress through kissing.” your body felt heat at the hint in Jaehyun’s voice that you were using him. You knew it more than he did, he didn’t need to hint it to you. You used him because you were afraid to admit you liked your best friends friend, and you used him because he was the one who allowed all of it. He was the one who kissed you first. 

You slowly walked towards him, still not being able to look Jaehyun in the eyes. Stretching your arms towards his, you forced him to hug your waist and he locked his arms around you tightly, closing the space left between your bodies in a second. Your fingers slowly crawled up his chest and he let you kiss him, deeply as ever. He bit your lip and a moan escaped your throat, when Jaehyun’s fingers dug into your side. 

“I want to lie down, let’s go to my bedroom.” you whispered in his mouth and he agreed quickly, allowing for you to take the lead. You sat down with your back to your headboard and Jaehyun sat facing you. Your fingers strolled up his thighs until they got way too close to his centre and you moved them back onto his shoulders, so you could support yourself getting your body on top of one of his thighs. Jaehyun’s hand held your faces close to each other, and when you tried to reach out for him first, his lips caught you midway and crashed against yours. He roughly pressed your body against your headboard by your shoulder and you whimpered. Did he plan on taking this somewhere else too? You guessed he did, if what he said about wanting you was true. You slid fingers down his stomach and there’s a small clashing of tongues because he’s startled. His body stiffened and whatever he focused on, helped you to take full reign of the kiss. You stuck your tongue out, letting a trail of saliva still connect you as he moved his head back. Your fingers moved past the band of his jeans and you squeezed his member through thin material of the skinny’s. He gasped and you moved your lips to the column of his neck, squeezing his member rhythmically.

Jaehyun seemed to recollect himself, grabbing onto your hand and pushing it away. “So this, is how things are going to go?” you thought if he meant to ask if you really were implying on sex or not and chuckled. 

“If you have any preferences I’ll gladly take them into account.” you chuckled and tried to move his face closer to yours. 

“I didn’t mean this. I’m asking, if this is how we’re going to be, me and you. If the only connection we’re going to have is when you need me to release your stress. Starting with kisses, now sex. I kissed you because I was dying to. We kissed once more and I thought this will change you towards me but now I just cant shake the feeling off that I’m being used.”

“Speak to Taeyong.” you simply stated. 

“About us?” he asked after thinking of what you said. 

“Yes. Tell him.”

“And if he’s fine with us, what’s then?”

“Then, just love me.” you chuckled at him and leaned in to peck his lips. “I’m already thinking of you all the time, so you don’t have to worry I won’t love you back.” Jaehyun watched your face expressions change. “I hate confessions, why are you keeping quite for so long.” you chuckled and hid your face on his chest, feeling Jaehyun’s hands wrap around your body and making the two of you fall down on the bed. “Can you stay? For a while, or will you go back to talk to Taeyong?” you raised your head and looked him in the eyes, running your thumb over Jaehyun’s lower lip. 

“I’ll tell him later, okay?” you smiled happily and kissed his lips. “You’re obliged to go on a date with me now, by the way.” 

*

“What’s up?” Jaehyun picked up quickly your call “Oh, baby.” he gasped immediately after hearing your sob through the phone. 

“I’m fine.” you said as you wiped tears off your cheeks “I just called to say I won’t be able to see you before you leave. I’m probably staying at work till midnight.” 

“Please.” he sighed into the phone and you couldn’t pick up if he was mad because you couldn’t say goodbye properly. “I’ll come to your office.” 

“What? No, no. They could recognise you, Jaehyun.” 

“I’ll wait for you outside the building. I’ll be there in 40 minutes, okay? Will you be able to come down?” 

“I will no matter what.”

“Good.” he smiled as he spoke and you could hear it through the phone. “I can’t wait to see you.” 

“I, too.” you breathed into the phone loudly trying to calm down when Jaehyun hung up. Being at the office was shitty either way you looked at it and you walked outside way before the meeting time, sitting on the bench with no backrest, and hating every person who thought placing such benches was a good thing to do. 

You spotted Jaehyun’s figure out of the car immediately, his long legs, highlighted with skinny black jeans he used to wear all the time back then, ran towards the building. A cap was sitting deep on his head, running so no one could see his face. He raised it only when he reached you and you almost gasped at how teenagely innocent he looked for his age. Months later, introducing Jaehyun to your parents, your mom asked awkwardly if Jaehyun was of age and you would never forget how hardly you laughed at that question. 

“My ugly crier.” he cooed whispering, for you only to hear and squatted before your sitting figure, cupping your cheek as he sat down. You smiled but felt like crying again. Not because of the nickname, but because Jaehyun was about to leave the city for a little while, because even though the nickname ‘ugly crier’ was filled on his side with affection and humour, you knew he called you that, because no matter how many times he begged you to quit the job that made you cry, you protested. He put his own frustration in that nickname and you understood that and never held it back against him. “Why is he keeping you hostage?” Jaehyun’s hand laid on your neck and you almost slid from the bench to your knees on the ground to be on the same level as he. 

“Because I asked if I could leave 30 minutes early.” 

“Fucking ba-“ 

“Jaehyun-ah.” you placed your palm over his lips.

“I can’t ask you to quit this shitty place anymore” he sighed even more distressed than you are. You knew this gave him so much stress too that he couldn’t deal with atop of dealing with his own work problems. “Baby, I beg you. For me, for us, if you don’t want to do this for your own peace of mind, do it for mine. If you’ll quit, I’ll do everything in my power to take you with us on tour. We’ll get to travel the US, together. Please? I don’t want you to stay here, crying on your own when neither i or Taeyong can be around. Please, Y/n. I can’t leave you in this state.”

“And how are you imagine this? Where am I going to get money, if I’m going to mindlessly travel the US for a couple of months? Who’s going to pay my rent?” 

“I’ll work this all out, I promise. You’ll find a better job once we’ll be back. God knows what will happen next year. Maybe we’ll have even less time together than now. I would never ask you to drop your career for me but this place is ruining your nervous system. We’ll take this as a break, okay?” you nodded without even resisting him for a second. “You agree?” Jaehyun asked confused. “After all those months of asking you just agree with me in a minute?” he chuckled amazed. 

“You should’ve just begged earlier.” you smirked at him and Jaehyun gasped, pulling your head closer for a kiss. Your head collided with his cap, forcing for it to fall back onto the ground. You chuckled through the kiss and let go of him so he could put it back on. “And what if they’ll not allow for me to tag along?” 

“I’ll pay for your stay.” he said immediately, making you chuckle at his little, or not so little, flex. 

You felt like that year was indeed the best year of your life. You knew that quitting that job would be a pleasure, but quitting the job and getting a chance to travel with your boyfriend and best friend at the same time felt ecstatic. You felt happy and free, free of any duties and responsibilities, enjoyed your life and hadn’t had a single thought about what awaited for you back home. 

Taeyong beat into your head that being financially dependent on your boyfriend is not a crime and you are allowed to do it, especially when the boyfriend wanted to do it for you and when he did it willingly for you. At the end of the day you knew, that once you’re back home you’re looking for a job no matter what. 

But pandemic hit little before you could finally find it, and the company put hiring on pause, and you found yourself locked up in one room with Jaehyun for way too many days in a row. 

Pandemic hit and you found yourself cling onto Jaehyun way more than you wanted yourself to, and it wasn’t even about finance. This was an emotional cling, to an extent where you called him crying, when he had to leave you completely alone for two weeks cause of quarantine. 

“Jaehyun-ah.” 

“You’re breaking my heart every time you cry.” his eyes visibly saddened at the picture he saw on his screen. 

“I love you.” 

“Baby, I do love you too. When I’m allowed to, I’m running back to you.” 

“But I need you now. Can’t I sneak in? I’ll spends those two weeks with you, I have nothing to do if you’re not around.”

“I love you and I love how attached you are to me, but I think we should be able to go through a quarantine without tears, okay?” you nodded and blinked at him. 

“You attached me to yourself completely and now you’re saying that I should be able to go through this without tears. How am I going to do that?” 

“What are my options? I have to calm you down.” he smiled lovingly and you looked away for your own good.  

“I hate you.” you sighed into the phone and dropped your head on the pillow. “Maybe I should’ve stayed on that job.”

“Don’t overthink this. It’s already been over a year.”

“Yeah, a year.” you showed your face back on the phone. “My happiest year.” 

“Mine, too. It’s not like I’m not attached to you, too, it’s not like I’m not dying to be right next to you too, you know that.”

“Maybe we’re too codependent?” you asked and Jaehyun shook his head a no. 

“We’re just deeply in love. If the feeling goes away I guess we’re going to get into routine.”

“But I can’t breathe if you’re not around.”

“Then this will be a great opportunity for the both of us to lay back a little.”

You agreed on laying back, agreed that maybe personal space was still a thing even when you were in a relationship. 

*

“Have you two considered moving together? Since you know, Jungwoo is at the dorm all the time and stuff.” Taeyong sat across you and Jaehyun, looking more like an investigator than a friend. 

“Have we?“ Jaehyun’s eyes scanned your face expression with a little smile.

“No, and we won’t.” you shook your head and dropped your back against the seat. 

“No, my little angels are in a fight?” Taeyong widened his already big eyes. 

“Not in one that I’m aware of…?” Jaehyun ran his eyes around confused and moved his hand onto your thigh, that you gladly covered with your palm. Taeyong’s phone rang and he jumped up.

“Oh, Baekhyun hyung is waiting for me on the server, I’m sorry.” you could only see the back of his head disappear before you could reply. 

“Did I upset you somehow?” Jaehyun flexed his fingers under your hold. 

“I wonder how you could do that.” you smiled at him and scrunched your nose, smooching his cheek with a loud sound. 

“Then it’s just a matter of principles?” 

“You never said before you wanted to live with me.” 

“I thought it’s an obvious next step in our relationship. We kind of been together for a while.” Jaehyun watched how you bent his fingers one by one back and forth. 

“You might need a reality check, baby.” you chuckled and finally looked back at him, biting your lower lip. 

“Huh?”

“Did you by any chance forget what you’re doing for a living?” 

“I didn’t-“

“Then why are we even talking about this?” you smiled with the smile you knew he hated so much. Getting on his nerves wasn’t something you wanted to do. 

“Should we talk about this?” 

“I maybe should go home.” Jaehyun’s gaze changed and you knew you hurt him. You stood up and walked over his stool, hugging his shoulders from the back. “I know you have a schedule tomorrow.” you pecked his cheek once again. 

“I don’t fucking care about the schedule when you’re acting like you’re my mom and I’m a clueless child.” Jaehyun grabbed your wrist and pushed you softly off his back, holding on to the stool with his other hand and turning around to face you ”Well, yeah, I am clueless why you said that we won’t consider moving in, but I’m not a child and you can talk to me if there’s something in between us that I didn’t notice.” 

“I don’t want to be like this.” you pouted and ran your finger over his shoulder. 

“Like what?” he caught your finger and held onto your palm. 

“I don’t want to live like I stand a chance…” you looked at Jaehyun’s face for a split second, catching his focused gaze on you, chewing onto his lower lip nervously. “Like I stand a chance against your job.” Jaehyun gasped loudly when you finished your sentence. 

“You know that I won’t put you-“ 

“I know, Jaehyun, I know, but I don’t want you to be like this. Once everything gets back to normal, you’re going to start travelling again, be even more busy. I’m not going to follow every one of your steps, it’s wrong. It’s like I don’t have a personality and once you’ll feel like it too we’ll fall apart. It’s inevitable, it’ll happen sooner or later anyway. If we’re moving in together I’m going to come into that place and cry, cry every time I’ll come back home and will realise that you’re not coming back too, because you’re in Tokyo or in Los Angeles, or somewhere else, I don’t know where else you could be going. It’ll be painful and I don’t want to be in any more pain than this. I already am in enough pain every time I realise we are not forever.” your fingers subconsciously squeezed Jaehyun’s. 

“No.” 

“I never said this because I knew you won’t like this reality, I don’t like it too.” 

“No.” he stood up, towering in front of you. His hand let go of yours, taking your face into his arms instead. He stood closer, not giving you a chance to look away, letting you sink in the pained look on his face. 

You swore on your own self for replying that way to Taeyong, it wasn’t really the time to have a reality check. You couldn’t remember the time you fought with Jaehyun last, usually you’d be on Cloud 9 in his presence and only get the saddening thoughts while being left alone and by the time Jaehyun was around you again, you’d get so overwhelmed there wasn’t a chance for you to feel anything except for flapping of butterflies inside of your stomach. “You’re not right and I am sure of it.” he began talking fiercely, quickly changing the manner by the end of the sentence. “Why you never told me you were hurting?” his thumb made soothing motions over your cheek. 

“Because when you’re here it’s all good, Jaehyun.” you crawled your hands onto his waist and pulled yourself closer to his warm body. “Now it’s going to be all good too.” You whispered almost into his lips, allowing for him to do that last move of his neck to lay his lips atop of yours. 

“I want a family with you.” he didn’t even kiss you properly before the words left his mouth. “Not now, in the future. We could work it all out, I know it’s not something I can do - being with you all the time right now, but at least I could try. I want to try being with you even if it seems like I can’t.”

“Not now because you know deep down you can’t drop everything?” you smirked, not in a cruel way, just as a statement of a fact. 

“Maybe that too…” he sighed. 

“I love you.” you blabbered when his words died. “That’s why I would never want you to drop the job that’s making you happy. That’s why being a family is not an option now or five years later. Maybe I’m weak or maybe I’m selfish? Or maybe you are selfish for asking me to suffer.”

“Don’t call being with me suffering, I love you.” 

“I know you do, but… I guess I never realised in what fucked up thing I got myself, and I couldn’t realise for a very long time. And now I’m left with hating you and loving you at the same time.”

“So you do for real hate me?” Jaehyun looked concerned. You couldn’t work out if he took your words seriously or not.

“Only a little, when you’re purposefully taking too long on making me cum.” you said loudly to put an end to that ongoing conversation. 

“What are you saying.” Jaehyun’s shy smile brought his dimples out and your heart finally began beating again, making that bad aftertaste of the previous conversation hide away. 

“Are your ears turning pink?” you chuckled and raised your arm to touch them. “They’re totally pink and warm.” you chuckled at him, feeling him drag you to his room. “I didn’t know you were shy of me.” 

“Yuta is behind that door.” he hissed and pointed at the door that was a meter away from you two. You widened your eyes and now full on laughed. “Are you possessed or something?” he kept on hissing, dragging you to his room. 

“I’m sure he heard me moan your name before.” Jaehyun’s hands finally opened the door, and he quickly locked it behind him, pushing you onto his chest. You gladly hugged his neck, when his lips suddenly began hungrily kissing yours. “He might as well hear me moan now.” you mumbled as Jaehyun’s hand traveled down your back, squeezing your butt.

“Shut up.” his lips moved onto your jaw, leaving a trail of open mouthed kisses down to the column of your neck. 

“Usually you ask for moans instead.” 

“Oh god.” he gasped annoyed, making his tongue lick through your collarbone afterwards. You whimpered and Jaehyun’s head raised up to look at you. 

“What?” you chuckled and pulled him in by his hair. 

“I can’t promise that I’ll drop my job for you. I know you wouldn’t believe me, I wouldn’t believe myself either, because it is most likely a lie. And I do realise you wouldn’t ask for that in the first place.” you nodded, caressing his cheeks. “But I’m going to ask you to give me time. Because I know with time everything I want with you is going to be more possible.” 

“Why are you so sure of it?” you shook your head in disbelief and chuckled. 

“I know my seniors and I know their secrets.” he said too seriously. 

“I trust you.” you smiled and tried your best to really trust him. Trust him that all the love you poured out won’t just go to waste one day.

*

“Fuck. Fuck. Taeyong I’m FUCKED.” you cried into the phone. 

“What?” he was confused but didn’t pay too much attention to your cries. Once in a while you called him with something similar regarding your newly found job, but you usually didn’t act that dramatic for him to get too used to it. 

“I can’t talk over the phone.”

“You committed a crime and want me to help you cover it?” he joked lamely. 

“Get up and come to the cafe we were at last week.” 

“The one where you threw up in the bathroom?” he giggled into the phone but heard no laugh in reply.  “Okay, it’s not that funny, I’m sorry.” 

“Will you come or not?” you sighed tiredly, hearing Taeyong pause his game. 

“Of course I will. When?”

“Now. I’m going to leave now.”

“Okay, but everything’s fine, right? Nothing too serious I should worry about?” he suddenly spoke quieter and slower. 

“I don’t know but nothing to be worried about for you for sure.” you hung up before he could say something back and left your place. The cafe was actually quiet far to walk to, but knowing that it’ll take a while for Taeyong to get there you just kept on walking. 

“What happened? I literally ran out in my pyjamas.” Taeyong plopped on the couch and breathed heavily. 

“Don’t shout at me, okay?” 

“You cheated on Jaehyun?”

“What?” you cackled shocked but then suddenly thought that maybe it could’ve been a better problem. 

“Thank god it’s not this.” he sighed relieved and dropped back onto the backrest.

“So you think I’m a cheating type of person?” You raised your eyebrows at Taeyong.  

“No, I don’t think that. I just thought it because you wanted to tell me and not him. Go on, tell me what happened?” 

You paused for a minute or, actually, maybe two, watching him take your glass of water to drink. You didn’t actually want him to choke, but he was being slow and you couldn’t keep your hand behind the table anymore so you just dropped it in front of him. “What? What are you trying to show me? That’s a proposal ring?” he pointed at your finger, even though it was a different hand. He gulped again, and you just moved your hand away and then he spat and attracted everyone’s attention to your table. Excusing himself multiple times at everyone who stared, he shifted his eyes blankly from you to the table in turns. “Does he know?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“I just found out.” 

“Then it probably most likely is wrong?” Taeyong asked hopefully and lit up. “Take another one?” he watched you reach for your bag and hide your hand in it, roughly dropping a ridiculous amount of pregnancy tests onto the table. To be exact, 13. He mouthed an O. 

“Is that enough to be sure?” 

“Why did you take so many?” 

“Because I ordered one, but then two more because this one could’ve been wrong, and then I thought that if these two are the same I need a third one for reassurance. Then I thought that this brand sucked and I ordered a different one, but then this one was also positive so I went to the grocery store around the corner and bought everything they had.”

“Oh my god.” Taeyong simply stated. 

“E-fucking-xactly.” you were ready to hit your head on the table, but this would probably attract curious eyes you didn’t need. 

“You know, all of these could still be wrong… like, something’s in your urine or something.”

“I booked an appointment for tomorrow. Will you come with me?” you reached out your hand to hold onto Taeyong’s wrist. 

“Isn’t it better for Jaehyun to…?”

“I won’t tell him.” you shook your head vigorously and held onto Taeyong tighter. 

“Ugh… why?”

“He’s going to do stupid things.” 

“Things like what?” 

“Things like preparing himself to being a dad.”

“And what’s stupid about it?” 

“Hey, look. You’re my best friend.”

“Yeah?”

“And you’re Jaehyun’s friend too.”

“I don’t catch it.” 

 “Besides that, you two kinda work together. Think of it as a leader, not our friend.” he finally seemed to understand. 

“You know that these two things are not really related.” 

“He’s not dumb but he is at the same time capable of dumb things.”

“Elaborate.” Taeyong shifted in his seat. 

“I’m just afraid he’ll quit or do some dumb shit that will ruin his life.” 

“He could really do that.” Taeyong shook his head probably imagining. “But he’ll have to know at one point? I mean, he’ll notice.”

“Not if I’m not carrying on the pregnancy.” 

“No.”

“Taeyong-“

“If you’re doing that, I’m telling him.”

“What would be the point if it’s done?” 

“Wait, what? I’m confused. Did you do it already?”

“No, I won’t tell you now, even if I will.” you gathered the test and threw them into your bag “If Jaehyun never finds out about this, you’ll be the one thankful.”

“I’m not sure my job is winning over the fact my best friend wants to kill her baby.” 

“If I’ll do it I’ll do it only for him.” you stated and Taeyong sat deeper in his seat, thinking. 

“How did that even happen?” he asked suddenly meeting your annoyed gaze. “No, I didn’t mean physically, I mean how did that happen, like you two don’t use protection or what.” 

“I hate this conversation.”

“We’ll you gotta tell me since it’s already started.”

“I think it’s because of that time I forgot to take the pill in the morning and only took it before bed. I heard this can lower the levels of protection, but I didn’t think it’ll literally happen like that.” you dropped your forehead on your arms that were laying over the table. 

“At least now we know why you threw up.” Taeyong stated and ruffled your hair. “Note taken though, never do it raw.” he cackled loving his own joke. 

“First, find yourself someone who’d do it with you at all.” you bit making Taeyong even more amused. 

“Too offensive with the person that will go to the doctor with you AND keep his mouth shut before you tell him.”

“I should’ve just kept it all to myself.” you cried into your arms. 

*

“So… I guess now we can totally say that you are, in fact, pregnant?” Taeyong watched you put the papers away. 

“Yeah, except for the fact we’re not saying this to anyone.” you tried to not seem too burdened or upset. “And I mean it, Taeyong.” you threatened him with a finger. 

“Since I’m the one you granted this secret to, I feel like we need to talk everything through.” 

“Can you drive?” you tried your best to ignore him. Ignoring Taeyong was always your favourite option. 

“Yeah, sure.” you walked over your car to plop your body on the passenger seat. “You’re not feeling well?” he asked, sitting his body next to yours.” 

“I’m feeling like shit.” you snapped and dropped your hands in front of you, hiding your face in them. 

“Fuck, Y/n.” Taeyong gasped and undid the seatbelt he just put on. “It’s fine.” you felt his hand get onto your back, caressing it. “People get pregnant all the time.” 

“Yeah, they get that when they want it.” 

“It’s not true. People get pregnant when they don’t have money, and they don’t want it in general. Or when they think it’s going to ruin their life. It’s the shock, you should tell Jaehyun. He’ll give you emotional support I can’t.”

“He’ll be shocked too and then what?” you raised your head to see Taeyong.

“Okay. Let’s go from the other way around. Do you want this baby ? Do you not want it because you don’t want to mess Jaehyun’s life or because you don’t want babies in general?” 

“Because of Jaehyun.” 

“Okay, then you have to tell him and see what he has to say? What if he’s like ‘yeah, get rid of that, it’s not the time’?” you widened your eyes at Taeyong. “Well in a nicer form, obviously.”

“It’s like you don’t know that he wont say anything like that in million years.”

“If he ever finds out you had an abortion he’s going to go mad and if you’ll come to him and say that you’re pregnant but now is not the time, he’ll understand you because he loves you.” Taeyong watched your eyes expectantly but you just couldn’t form words into something reasonable. 

“Please drive me home.” you dropped your back onto the seat. 

“Okay but please think this through.”

“Yeah.” you nodded your head and extended an arm towards Taeyong. He quickly caught it with his and squeezed it. 

“I won’t tell him, I promise.” his hand pulled yours to his chest and then let go. 

*

to: Taeyong

“I think I know what I’ll do.”

“please, don’t judge.” you quickly sent the other message. 

You have thought things through, you wanted for Taeyong to know everything first. 

from: Taeyong 

“you’ll text or want to meet?”

“I actually want to see you.“

“come over”

“I’m home.”

to: Taeyong 

“k”

When you got to Taeyong’s room, you found him play his beloved computer rolling your eyes unamused. 

“When you said you wanted to see me I thought you’d at least get your butt up to open the door.”

“You know the c-. Oh, right. It changed, I’m sorry.” he pouted, standing up to get closer to you. “Who opened the door?”

“Ugh…Hae…?”

“…chan?”

“Yeah, probably, the tall one.”

“That’s Johnny.”

“I’m sorry.” you looked around awkwardly and sat down. 

“How many years has it been?” he shook his head disapprovingly. “I’m giving you an excursion to meet everyone after you tell me when we’re telling Jaehyun about the baby.” 

“Yeah, that’s the thing.”

“What?”

“I’m not telling him and you’re not allowed to fight with me about it.” you added the second part seeing Taeyong open his mouth.  

“Okay? Then just tell me the reason.” 

“I saw him yesterday, we were hanging out and then we kinda… and I said that I forgot to take the pill, and that we can’t…” You paused awkwardly. “I said that if we’re going to do anything, I might get pregnant and he said that it’s not a problem. I was like ‘stop joking’, because I most definitely felt amusement in his voice and said that yeah we can do it but then we’ll have to do something about it, you know, if something happens.” you shivered remembering his face expression afterwards. “He then suddenly turned serious and said that if I’m somehow some day getting pregnant we’ll adjust to that and that’s that and then he just went quiet after he said ‘imagine, if you’d kill our baby?’” 

“Yeah…” Taeyong nodded, somewhere in his thoughts. 

“I just can’t tell him, It’ll hurt him too much.”

“So you’re just going to do it quietly?” his loud sigh filled the room. “I’ll support you, of course. But I kind of got used to the thought we’re having a baby.”

“I can’t do that either…” 

“Huh?” Taeyong’s head lifted quickly to look at you. 

“I’m keeping the baby.” 

“Oh my god, deep down I knew you would never do that to your relationship but when you took too long to decide I kind of started doubting.” 

“I really can’t, I just imagined and I can’t. It’s not the time to have the baby, but it’s definitely not something I can do. At the end of the day, it is a child from someone I love. It’s Jaehyun’s baby.” 

“Exactly.” He nodded vigorously. 

“It’ll be difficult at first, especially if the baby’s going to resemble him so much, but I’ll get used to that.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m going to break up with Jaehyun.” Taeyong’s eye twitched, grimacing on his face a smile that turned in confusion. 

“What the-“

“I can’t ruin his life.”

“And what will you tell him when he’ll see you walking around with a child that’s probably gonna be his copy.”

“If that ever happens, it’s going to be none of his business by the time the baby walks.”

“So you’re just going to come up to him today and go ‘let’s break up’?” Taeyong seemed sceptical about every word that left your mouth. “You are willingly making yourself a single parent?”

“I haven’t thought about how I’m going to break up with him or when, but I’ll do it.”

“Just so you know, you’re fucking crazy.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re going to break a perfectly fine relationship because you don’t want to ‘ruin’” Taeyong drew brackets in the air “his career and life? Too much self sacrifice over nothing. I could tell him, you know? As if you’re scared to upset him, I’ll tell him because I worry? He’ll come up with something and then you’ll figure it out together. I’ll be the one to blame over a problem.”

“No, it’s not needed. I’ll tell him, I can do that.” 

*

You tossed and turned in your bed through the night, felt your leg shake under the table in rhythm with some melody in your head every day you went to work. Your teeth always bit onto your lip and the way your eye twitched from time to time made it too obvious you were a ball of nerves. You had your obvious reason, but the more you postponed fulfilling what you had planned, the more it felt wrong. And no, it wasn’t the decision that felt wrong, it was the fact you let your casual relationship with Jaehyun while keeping in your mind that you had to break up with him. The thought made you sick, even so more it made you sick because this technically was all a lie. 

“I wish we could’ve went out somewhere to eat.” he sighed as his body dropped onto the floor next to you. You helped him free food boxes he brought out of the bags. 

“It’s fine, I’m tired anyway after the walk.” you took a quick glance at his focused gazed to hopefully stay unnoticed, but his eyes met yours anyway, leaning in quickly for a peck on the corner of your lips. “Good thing Jungwoo’s not home.” you noted awkwardly and thought how breaking up in front of Jungwoo would be awkward indeed. 

“He’s staying over at his parents for two nights.” 

“Did you make him leave?” you chuckled. 

“No, he wanted to go back home before the comeback.”

“Oh, when is that?” 

“On Friday.” 

“This very Friday?”

“Yeah, I told you, remember?” 

“Yeah, I’m just surprised the time passed quickly.” you could already feel Taeyong’s hands choke you if you’ll ruin Jaehyun’s mood for the comeback season. 

“It saddens me that we won’t see each other as much.” his palm landed on your thigh and you suddenly realised that the two of you forgot about the food. 

“It’s only couple of weeks.” you stretched out a smile and leaned over to pull out chopsticks from the bag. “Here.” you sighed and implied on you two eating, feeling on the verge of tears when Jaehyun’s hand began drawing small circles up your thigh. It’s the tingling feeling in your stomach that made your eyes water. Just a little more, just a couple strokes up and he’d touch your stomach, where the baby that was his began to grow. You wondered if he could get it somehow if he’d touch you, if the baby somehow gave him inner signals but you knew you were probably going crazy, so you pulled his hand off your leg and simply said. “Im hungry, let’s eat.” 

“Couple of weeks now, and then couple of weeks a bit later on and then year-end shows. You know how it is, when it starts it’s like it never finishes.” he pursed his lips apologetically and you thought that maybe it’s a good thing. Work will keep him busy and you’ll just cope with it somehow on your own. “Remember I told you about the concert?”

“Mmh.” you nodded but refused to look at him. Looking at him made your insides turn and it wasn’t the best feeling. 

“We’re going to have solo stages this time, I thought I’ll do the song I wrote for you.” 

“No.” you spoke as soon as the last sound left his mouth.

“I knew you’d say that.” he chuckled and put the chopsticks away, leaning more onto his bed. 

“You said it’s the song for my ears only, now you’re thinking of showing it to all of your fans… I want it to still be special.” you couldn’t keep your eyes on the wall anymore and turned to face him. Your heart screeched as your gaze ran over his warm smile. 

“Okay, I won’t.” he smiled knowingly, stretching out his hand towards you. You were thinking you should move away, but your body weren’t used to dodging Jaehyun’s touch, so you just froze, feeling his fingers snake over your nape, pulling your face in front of his. “But now I have zero ideas of what should I do.” he whispered before kissing you softly. He didn’t try to move away and you kissed him back - slowly and softly. 

“Didn’t you write things before that?” you pulled him back when you could feel his mood change to the one you were hoping to avoid. 

“I did but they’re not good.”

“Maybe you’ll get inspired to write something new?

“I need it by the end of next week. And I don’t feel like anything inspiring could happen to me.” you looked him in the eyes, wondering if you should tell him what you wanted to right now. A broken heart was a great inspiration to write songs, you thought. 

“And I thought I’ll forever be your muse.” you raised your eyebrows playfully and looked away. Joking would probably be better, for at least now. A little more time in peace won’t hurt anybody. 

“Now I feel bad.” he stated and dropped his head to look at the ceiling. 

“I was kidding.”

“I know, but still.” Jaehyun outstretched his hand to pull you to his side. You crawled over to him, moving the food out of the way. Your hands hugged his waist automatically, loosing your face in the crook of his neck. Jaehyun hugged your shoulders and you trembled a little in his hands. You wanted to tell him that you loved him, that he can actually take the song because you’d die to hear him sing it on stage. You wanted to tell him that you don’t want to leave, you wanted to ask him to stay together before the day of the comeback comes, but alol that left your lips was a gasp. You gasped and moved your hands from his waist onto his neck, hugging him so tightly, that if you were a little bit stronger you’d probably break his bones. I love you, I love you, you cried in your brain but couldn’t say it loud. Maybe Taeyong was right, maybe you were sacrificing too much over nothing. 

“Baby.” he cooed and it took so much in you to not cry. “I know you’re against it so much, but I talked about this with Taeyong and he says it’s okay if we’ll live together.” his hand caressed your back, he wanted to look you in the eyes, but his words only made you breathless, you didn’t want to see his face. You didn’t want him to see your face. “I’m not forcing you, but even if it’ll be the ghost of me in that apartment it’s better than not seeing you at all.” you thought how could you make him stop talking, you scrunched your nose and rubbed it against his neck. “Baby, are you glued to me?” he chuckled and forcefully pushed you off him to look at you. “Or you’re hiding from what I said?” you looked at his ears to not look at him. “At least consider it, okay?” 

“Okay.” you nodded, feeling Jaehyun get his lips on your jaw. 

“I really want you.” Jaehyun whispered into your ear, moving his body closer to yours. His hand forced you onto his lap before you could come up with something to refuse him. You couldn’t think of a thing to say even when his lips trailed a line from your jaw behind your ear. You couldn’t remember the time when you refused him at all, couldn’t remember what people could say when they didn’t want their partner back. Probably, because you wanted him back so much you couldn’t think at all since the moment his palms landed on your thighs. Jaehyun’s fingers tugged the turtle neck you wore higher and you caught his hands mid action. His eyes opened and you looked at him too. 

“Leave it on.” you mumbled quickly, hoping Jaehyun wouldn’t put too much attention to it and he didn’t, locking his lips with yours once again. He was moving his hands over your body swiftly, forcing a gasp from you as his 

hand undid your bra under your turtle neck, moving to the front, cupping your breasts. His tongue slid into your mouth as you gasped, and all the courage you built to tell him no flew out of the window. Your fingers gripped onto his nape, fidgeting your body on his lap when his fingers caressed your stomach. It made you feel like he knew and you cried into his mouth. Jaehyun took it as a cry of want, moving his hand lower, undoing the button on your jeans, slipping his fingers to caress you through your underwear. 

“Jaehyun-ah.” your lips left his in a moan. You already could feel a bubble of pleasure in your lower stomach and you couldn’t understand if this was the effect of pregnancy or you realising it’s the last time you’ll ever feel his fingers on you. His fingers moved past your underwear allowing for him to feel the swell and wetness of your heat. 

“Do you love me this much? It makes me happy to know you’re still into me as much as you were back in the day.” he chuckled satisfied, slipping a finger inside of you. Your hips began their paced moves to meet Jaehyun’s hand half way. You felt him get hard under you and the feeling made you even more drunk on him than before. 

“I want to go home. I’m going to cum.” you cried, squeezing your eyes tightly. “Jaehyun, please. Don’t let go, please.” you moaned on the verge of tears, mixing your words with whispering profanities. Jaehyun watched you with his eyes wide open. He couldn’t believe how vulnerable you’ve suddenly gotten, how easily you were a crying and moaning mess in his arms tonight. He wanted to pull back and feel you cum over him, extracting his hand, but you didn’t open your eyes to watch him, you just began rubbing yourself against his now hard length. Jaehyun panted as he felt the pleasure too. You slipped your tongue into his mouth and he sucked onto it, kissing you deeply. The kiss made your core throb, making you get closer to your release. Your fingers blindly found Jaehyun’s hand that now was helping you rub your thighs against his, forcing it to go back inside your underwear, to rub your clit in shaking circles instead. And he did so, sending you over the edge in minutes. Your hips stopped moving, feeling his fingers caress you through your high. You hated the feeling on your overstimulated heat, forcing his hand away from you. You dropped your body against Jaehyun’s to catch your breath. “I want to go home.” you mumbled the only thing that came to your mind. 

“Right now?” he asked confused, forcing you to raise your head at him. “What happened?” he asked softly, trailing the tears off your cheeks. “You don’t usually cry.” 

“Yeah, I want to go home right now.” your words confused Jaehyun to the extent you felt him get turned off. It was for the best, you thought to yourself. 

“That’s… you can stay, Jungwoo’s not coming back.”

“I know, but I still want to go.”

“I thought we could…ugh… I just…” he seemed to glitch for a minute and you felt more awkward with every passing second that you didn’t tell him you wanted to go before it got sexual. “You just came off my hand a second ago and want to go home immediately? I thought we could have actual sex and then see what’s up? It’s not even about sex, I just feel wrong now.”   

“I messed up the pill schedule, I’m sorry.” you slid off his legs and quickly buttoned up your jeans. 

“What are you sorry for?”

“For not having sex with you.” you mumbled thoughtless, only realising how stupid it sounded when you closed your mouth. 

“Are you… are you insane?” he tried to shout at you, probably, but the sound that came out of him was weak and hurt. You closed your eyes in pain. Things you said pained both you and him and you wanted to hit your head on the wall right then and there. ‘Let’s break up.’ three simple words couldn’t leave your mouth and you couldn’t lift your body up from the floor too. “Let’s not fight. I probably misunderstood you. No, I did misunderstand you for sure.” Jaehyun’s fingers reached out for your palm that you moved away. 

“I’ll go home, okay?”

“Y/n, come on.” he sighed breathlessly. “What are we fighting about.”

“We’re not, I said I wanted to go home even when you were touching me.” 

“Can you tell me why?”

“Because I remembered suddenly I have to get up earlier tomorrow.”

“Okay, I’ll walk you back home.” 

“I’m going to take a taxi.” 

“Okay, I’ll walk you down to the taxi.” 

“You don’t need to.” you got your lips in a thin line. “I need to see Taeyong on my way.”

“I can’t get the feeling off my chest that something’s wrong.” 

“Thank you. Thank you for everything, I’m serious.” you suddenly said, squeezing his palm that was resting over his knee. 

“What exactly are you thanking me for?” he furrowed his eyebrows again. 

“You fool, not for what you just did for sure.” you chuckled and pecked his cheek carefully. 

“I love you.” he simply said back and you hated how attentive he got at times. If he was the normal boyfriend he would’ve not noticed how weird you felt inside. Jaehyun’s hand moved under yours to hold it. “I trust you and I trust that you would tell me if anything was wrong.” he whispered and kissed your knuckles. You nodded your head not being able to lie to him verbally. He leaned in and kissed you goodbye. 

“Bye-bye.” your fingers let go of him. You stood up slowly and walked to the door. You felt your lungs starting to hyperventilate. You wanted to look back at him and send him a flying kiss but warm tears streamed silently down your face without your contest. You walked out quickly, closing the door behind you, dragging your feet to exit as quickly as you could, just in case Jaehyun would want to come out and say something else. 

“Taeyong, I couldn’t.” You cried into your phone as soon as he picked up the phone. “Are you home?” you got the unsatisfactory answer of a no. “I can’t tell him I don’t love him anymore in his face. I can’t hurt him at all. How do I do it?” 

“I can’t think right now, I’m kind of busy, I’m sorry, but if you decided on doing it, just do it. Maybe it’s better to do it now, while he’s going to be busy.” you felt warm breeze of early autumn hit your wet face as you got outside. You thought how Jaehyun talked about being busy for upcoming months. Maybe it was indeed the best timing to do it now. 

“Okay, you’re right.” you just sighed into the phone. 

“I’m here with you.” Taeyong said warmly, even though by the tone of his voice you could tell he was completely distracted. “I have to go though, text me if anything happens.”

“Yeah, yeah. Go.” you nodded and swallowed the tears you held back to be able to talk. 

You quickly found Jaehyun’s number in your phone. You didn’t realise until you dialled it that your heart was beating in your ears. You didn’t realise until you called him that your hands turned into sweaty mess, making your phone slip out of your hands. 

“Yeah?” he asked worriedly. “Did you forget something?” 

“No…” You gulped so loudly it probably was heard on the other side of Seoul. “Let’s break up.” the world began spinning around you but you still tried your best to walk forward. 

“What?” he asked and it made you feel like he couldn’t hear you the first time and you almost backed down. “Break up?” so he did hear you, you thought. “You’re still here? I’ll come down.”

“No, I’m far.” you couldn’t pretend you weren’t crying anymore, so you just let him know about it. 

“If you want to break up, why are you crying?” 

“I worry about your heart.” you whispered into the phone. 

“I want to see you. If you’re far, then I’ll just come to your place.”

“No, Jaehyun. Do you hear me? I’m breaking up with you. I don’t want to see you, hear you. I don’t want to talk to you anymore.” 

“I’m going to hang up and you’ll call me tomorrow, when you’re feeling better. Let’s pretend this conversation never happened, okay?” he pleaded, you could feel the tone of his voice turn into a worried one. 

“No, there’s no need. Nothing’s going to change tomorrow.”

“Why?” he sighed painfully for your ears and you squatted in the middle of the street. 

“Nothing’s there anymore.”

“Nothing’s there anymore? Are you kidding?” you could hear him getting worked up and it actually made you feel better. You wanted him to be mad, it was a good thing he didn’t hide his feelings. You wanted him to hate you, it would be easier if he won’t reach out to you himself. “You were kissing me ten minutes ago. You were next to me, you were holding onto me so tightly because nothings there? Come back. I’m coming outside.”

“Jaehyun.” you cried tiredly. “I don’t want to fight. I’m sorry I couldn’t say this into your face. I felt bad, but breaking up over the phone is probably even worse. I’m so sorry.” 

“How can I not fight with you when you’re saying insane things? I know you love me, I love you. I don’t have any other options than to fight with you for us.”

“I…” you wanted to fall on the asphalt and lie there dead. “I don’t love you anymore and that’s the problem. I have nothing else in me to give you.” you lied with closed eyes, pushing your fist onto the ground, making it hurt with the way asphalt bits got into your skin. 

“I don’t believe you. There’s no way.” 

“Jaehyun, don’t be a child. I don’t love you and that’s it. I couldn’t tell you in the face because I knew you’ll throw a scene. Let’s be grown up about it and let each other live. People break up, its normal.” 

“I… I…” his breathes were so heavy in your phone, they weighed you down closer to the asphalt. You could hear doors slamming and other movement. “Don’t fucking move, I’m going outside.” he said quickly and you realised what all those sounds were. You could hear the lock of their door and you hung up on him, running away like a stupid child. You were in fact a stupid idiot, at the end of the day. You walked inside a Seven Eleven around the corner, keeping your eyes on the door. The shop was pretty close and you could see Jaehyun run out of the building, looking around. He walked forward, moving his head around unstoppably, hiding from your view as he walked, making the shiver run down your spine. You were scared because you feared he’d pop out of somewhere behind you and will force you to talk with him. You didn’t realise you were holding your breath, barely breathing when your phone vibrated. 

from: Jaehyun 

“I’ll come to your place”

“we need a conversation”

to: Jaehyun

“No.” 

You almost hid your phone in your pocket, when you realised you could text him to calm him down. 

“I’ll text you later on and we’ll talk, okay?”

“I feel like we need time to process everything and chill out.” 

from: Jaehyun 

“okay”

You didn’t want to admit this was a lie. You didn’t want to admit this to him or you, but you knew you wouldn’t want to meet him ever again.  You knew it’ll be too painful to even feel his existence somewhere not far from you. 

You saw his figure walk back to the house and sighed relieved. He squatted suddenly in front of the house, hiding his face in his arms for a minute. You suddenly remembered how you pushed your hand into the ground, laying your eyes on your hurt knuckles.

*

You knew it would be too perfect if you’d just listen to him play, leave the cake and go back into embrace of your best friend. That’s why, when your phone vibrated and made the loud noise spread through the wall you didn’t feel too surprised. You knew something was meant to happen. You still gasped, quickly moving your feet to run away, but the sound of Jaehyun opening his door was too vivid to ignore. 

“Y/n.” he said softly and you stopped on your tracks. “I can see you, just in case you think you’re invisible.” he sighed when you just froze. 

“Yeah, I know.” you suddenly spoke back, turning around. 

Yeah, that’s exactly watch you feared. Seeing Jaehyun with his hair band, a sleeping t-shirt that was too big and too stretched out, making his skinny shoulders and collarbone visible to your tired eyes. His plaid baggy pants hiding from you his legs, thankfully. 

“I brought the cake for guys to eat later.” you pointed to break the silence and stop staring, when your eyes landed on the cake still being on the table, remembering how you wanted just to eat it and leave. You should’ve definitely opted for that decision, you sighed. “I’m sorry I bothered you… I’ll go.”

“Yeah.” he nodded and you hated it and was thankful at the same time he let you go so easily. Now, and five months ago, too. You turned your back at him, walking to the exit in peace. “You still owe me a conversation. We never spoke…” he paused and you turned around at him once again. You should’ve not jinxed it. “About us… and how we broke up and things.” 

“I… I remember.” you smiled awkwardly. 

“When will you be ready to talk to me?” he asked too politely and you almost burned on the spot. 

”I am.” you suddenly said and his eyes got wider. 

“Like, now…?”

“Yeah, let’s talk now if that’s what you want.”

“Okay.” he nodded but didn’t move. You stood there in front of him not moving too. “In my room? For people not to bother us?”

“Okay.” you nodded and he turned to walk back, waiting for you to catch up with him. 

He lead you in. The room, you have actually never been to it yet. Moving to a new place, you heard from Taeyong that they finally all got personal rooms, but it was the only information you got on their new living arrangement. “Fancy.” you smiled to yourself as you walked in. The room was more spacious and was his, which already was enough for it to be perfect in your eyes. 

“Thanks.” he replied making you realise you said it out loud. 

He sat on his bed and you sat next to him awkwardly, fixing your clothes on your stomach nonchalantly. 

“I’m sorry I eavesdropped. I heard you play that song and to be honest… I got a little angry… and walked to the door to tell you to stop.” you spoke as the room felt too quiet in a stupid way. 

“Why?”

“Because you shouldn’t think about me in any way.” you admitted. 

“That’s not something you could decide for me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s nothing.”

“No, I’m sorry for everything. For the mess I caused and spread all over your live.”

“At least you were honest, right?” he chuckled painfully. 

“Yeah… at least a great song came out of it, right…?” you raised your eyes to look at him and he caught your stare confused. “The solo stage at the concert? Isn’t it…? I’m sorry if it’s not and I put too much on my shoulders.”

“No… you’re right.” you shivered realising that all the references you made up in your head were actually completely correct. 

“It really is beautiful. Regardless, who it’s about.”

“It’s cheesy.”

“But you let the world see it anyway.”

“Because I had no other option.”

“No, because it’s good.” you smiled at him, making your lips go in a thin line. You hated how your conversation was turning into a weird battle of compliments towards Jaehyun. 

“This song doesn’t even matter.” he said and looked away from you once again. “I don’t even know what to start with.”

“I owe you so much explanation, I know.”

“So, you found out you’re pregnant, realised there wasn’t anything for me in you and broke up with me, got rid of the baby and that’s it for the history of us?”

“I don’t think I’m ready to speak about it like that.” your entire chest felt caged. 

“I can’t let you leave me for another five months. I’m in pain too. I still love you, I still think everyday about the fact you were pregnant with my baby. It wasn’t someone’s, I could’ve been a dad.” you hid your hand in the pocket of your hoodie. It helped you hold onto your stomach without Jaehyun noticing. “I need to hear you and I want to hear you. Four years, Y/n, four.” you closed your eyes hearing him speak, crying silently. I still love you too, you wanted to cry into his mouth. “I want to know what you knew about our baby, even if it’s not with us anymore, too.”

“I’m not a monster.” you whispered through tears. 

“I know, I know.” he quickly said, focusing his vision on your dropping tears. He didn’t dare to touch you and you were thankful. You couldn’t bare if he held you in his arms again. 

“I only did this for you. For you to still be here, not ruining your life because of me.” 

“How could being with you ruin my life? We were together for so long, yet you… Why did you decide this for me?” he kept his voice low, not getting worked up even if you wanted him to. 

“I… when I found out I was pregnant, I knew immediately that we can’t be parents. You’re an idol and I’m not strong enough to bare with being a mom when you’re not around.” his breathing got so heavy it almost was louder than your speaking. 

“I knew the moment I found out about the baby it all happened because of me.” 

“What?”

“I didn’t give you enough reassurance. I didn’t give you enough in general, to make you sure that I’ll take care of you and our baby. You ran away because I didn’t make you feel secure and I didn’t seem like a reliable guy for a dad, I know that.”

“That is so not true.”

“Please… just…” he spoke slowly but couldn’t seem to form a sentence. 

“I was weak and scared. It’s no one’s fault, not yours, I mean. I know you’re caring and attentive and always give your all.” 

“I was just always wondering if you broke up with me because you really didn’t love me, or because you found out you were pregnant and didn’t feel like I was right.” 

“It’s not that you weren’t right, Jaehyun, please. I didn’t want you to do something stupid for me, that’s it.” 

“But why did you get rid of the baby and me?” 

“I decided on abortion, but Taeyong said that you’ll hate me forever if you’ll find out I got rid of the baby without even telling you. I agreed, and later I realised I can’t do that at all. I’m not cruel to kill the baby in general, especially when the baby is yours. I wouldn’t be able to kill the baby of the man I loved. So I thought I’ll break up with you and that way you’ll get a chance to get over me and live your life how you should.” you suddenly spoke all the truth, instead of what you were rehearsing for the past months. 

“But then realised the baby was putting too much weight on you and decided against it?” he looked you in the eyes but you just stared back. You weren’t strong enough to talk with him about it. “When did you find out about the baby? When did it conceive?”

“I found out in the end of August. It’s due in  late April or May. I mean, it was due… I think I got pregnant when we went to Yangyang-gun. We were sleeping through the day and I didn’t take the pill and then… and then everything happened.”

“Yanyang is my favourite memory with you.” Jaehyun suddenly said and you couldn’t help but smile through tears. Yours was every single moment you spent right by his side.  “I’ve never been to Yangyang before… and I guess I won’t ever go there to keep things that way.”

“I said everything…” you concluded suddenly wishing to leave. You were slowly sinking into Jaehyun’s presence and it feared you to death. “I should probably go. I’m sorry.” you added another excuse quickly. You wanted to reminisce with him, but reminiscing would lead to even more pain. He didn’t speak back and you stood up, walking to the door. 

“Remember how everything started?” of course you did. “You were working at that shitty job. You’d ask me to come over every time you felt too pressured and stressed. I ran to you because I was so hopelessly in love with my friends best friends and I couldn’t tell anyone.” you could hear him get up and soundlessly walk towards you. His fingers landed on your shoulders and held softly. “Can I ask for a favour?” he whispered into your hair, leaning closer. You were frozen but realised you needed to give him an answer, so you gave him a nod. “Can you turn around?” his body moved a step back. You could feel it with the way his body heat left your back. Jaehyun’s fingers let go of your shoulders and you guessed he was expecting to see your face. You didn’t really want to see his face. And you didn’t want to really miss a chance to look at him up close, no matter what he’ll ask of you. You gulped and turned around, meeting his teary eyes with yours. You wondered who looked sadder out of you two: the one who was  left or the one that left. “Now… are you, happy?” you squeezed your eyes to not cry out loud in his face. No, you weren’t happy, and he didn’t need to ask it out loud, because it was too obvious for your own good. You didn’t notice how his hands suddenly got onto your cheeks, being too preoccupied to not choke on your tears. You didn’t need a second to guess what he wanted to do, but you still hoped he wouldn’t. 

He leaned in, quickly killing the space between you two and locked your lips with his. You wanted not to kiss him back, to be careful about it and not sink back in, placing your hand on his waist. You wanted to push him back but somewhere between your gasps and silent cries of his name into his mouth, your hand pushed his body closer to yours. It’s when one of his hands left your cheek and crawled down your side, under your hoodie and onto your stomach to touch your body once again, when he felt it. 

“You’re pregnant.” he gasped shocked. His hand froze onto the bump and you wondered when did you lose all of your senses. “You’re pregnant.” he said once again, as if finally realising what he had said. 

“I’m not.” you said and pushed his hand off you. 

“You are. Take your hoodie off.” 

“Jaehyun.” you raised your brows at him. 

“Take it off, you’re pregnant.” 

“You’re a maniac, calm down.” you chuckled nonchalantly. 

“You didn’t kill my baby.” his brain seemed to lose all of the connection it had with reality. “It’s there, it’s in you.” he dropped onto his knees making you squeeze into the wall. His hands pulled your clothes up without your consent and before you could tell him to collect himself he wrapped his hands over your very small bump. “Is it… okay? Why is it so small?”

“This can happen.” you gulped when his lips touched the skin of your stomach. You felt like you could slide down the wall this very moment. “It’s completely fine and healthy.” 

“Hi, baby.” he whispered and peppered kisses over your belly button. “She tried to hide away the fact you were existing.”

“Jaehyun.” you mumbled feeling yourself crying once again. He raised his eyes at you expecting of what you’d say. “It’s a girl.” your heart stopped beating and instead you could hear his heart beat so loudly and quickly. She kicked your stomach and Jaehyun’s face expressed something between death and ecstasy. 

“She feels that it’s her dad.” he smiled so purely you wanted to disappear. You couldn’t believe these were the things you took from him, the memories you took from the both of you were weighing heavily on your back.

“Maybe just because she feels I’m not well.” you tried to put him down on earth cruelly. 

“No, it’s because she wanted to see her dad.” 

“Jaehyun… I need to go.” you said when your phone vibrated once again. 

“You’re not going anywhere.” he got back up onto his feet. 

“I am… this… that you know now, it’s not meaning anything. We’re not back together all of a sudden.”

“It means everything to me. Let me do everything the way we should’ve in the first place.” his hand slid onto your palm, holding onto you tightly. 

“Let’s think this through, we both need time to think things through.” 

“I love you, you’re carrying my baby, what else is there to think through?”

“I need to think things through.” 

“You’re just running away from me, again.” 

“No, I’m not, Jaehyun-ah, I’m not.” you whispered and squeezed his hand back. 

“Promise we’ll be together again. Promise to her, that her parents will be together when it’s time for her to be born?”

“Don’t manipulate me.” you bit onto your lower lip, running your eyes over Jaehyun’s face. You could tell by a single look that he wasn’t thinking at all. Euphoria was the only thing he probably felt right now. “Didn’t you hate me? At least a little, when you found out about the baby?” 

“No, I couldn’t.” 

“Don’t lie.”

“I’m not lying. How could I hate you, when I’m the reason behind all those decisions?”

“I’ll go.” you sighed disappointed with his answers. You hated yourself even more now that it turned out he was hating on himself for your leaving. “I’m going to text you next week.. we’ll see, what we can do about all of this, okay?”

“Yeah.” he nodded and found a place on your stomach for his hand. “I’m going to really wait for this text, just so you know.” 

“I know.” you nodded, reassuring him and you that you were very aware of his feelings. 

You let him plant a kiss on your temple and forced him to separate from you, to allow you to exit his room and he stepped back, watching you go. 

Your eyes suddenly noticed Marks green hoodie and you picked it up, to take back downstairs. 

#jaehyn #Jaehyun smut #nct writers #Jaehyun angst #Jaehyun fluff #Jaehyun fanfiction #nct 127 #nct #nct 127 fanfiction #nct 127 smut #nct 127 angst #nct 127 fluff #nct fanfiction #nct fluff #nct smut #nct angst #jaehyun scenarios #Jaehyun imagines #jaehyun imagins #nct scenarios #nct 127 scenarios #nct 127 imagines #fanfiction #Jeong jaehyun #Jaehyun nct

[bronx-bomber87]

Happy Monday everyone :) Another amazing intense look in this one. Continuing the longing pattern. Their pining era was primo af I have to say. Mostly about Rosalind and Bailey in this one but we get some goodies in between there. Super short one but off we go.

5x04 The Choice

We start off with Bailey being trapped in Rosalind’s homemade trap. She FaceTimes John so they can see what they're dealing with inside. Just love her being as close to Tim as possible. Seriously be closer you two I dare you. I love how Lucy makes sure to come right next to Tim. That magnetic pull never fails. Mainly why I wanted to show this moment. To just to display personal space isn't even a thing even when they're on weird ground. They legit can't help themselves and don't even know they're doing it.

They all meet in a shop to discuss things privately. Worried the entire house is bugged. Lucy comes in after they have their convo. You can see she is buzzing with nerves. Trying to keep herself in check. I love how Tim’s eyes keep flicking back to check on her. It’s subconscious and I love it so much. He wants to comfort her but they’re in a tricky place. So he just checks on her the best he can from where he’s seated. Lucy stays back with Tim to stay with Bailey. Doesn’t want her to be alone at all during this. She’s the best. You wonder why Tim is in love with her. Things like this.

Nolan has been taken away by Rosalind at this point. She called him and said she would kill Bailey if he didn’t trade himself for her. Brings us to her floating in the tank asking for John. Lucy doesn’t know what to say so she looks to her person help her. Basically tagging Tim in with just a look. Their silent communication never ceases to amaze me. Tim steps in a comforts Bailey for Lucy and I love it.

He does this on Lucy's behalf. Look at him he would've struggled with this just a couple years ago. Now look at him. He's tagging in for his girl. Who reawakened all this in him in the first place. Always has her back no matter what. Makes my heart happy. Even when they’re in their “moving on” pining phase. Just little things like this make me so happy. Giving us good crumbs in eps with low content for them.

Bailey is doing dunk tests to see how long she can hold her breath. Lucy is barely keeping it together for her. She keeps looking to Tim for comfort and strength. I love it sfm. Her natural instinct is to reach out to him. Despite the weird place they’re in he’s her rock. Their looks say so much above. Just look at them. Checking in on each other with just their looks. Their chemistry is unreal. So much love in those looks too. Also a lot being said in them. Their chemistry never ceases to amaze me.

They finally get the floorboard open to get to the tank below. Tim calls Lucy over for no reason other than he wants to be with her. Anyone could’ve held his belt but he wanted his girl with him before he went down. Also to let her know she could follow him afterwards if it’s safe. No one else he wants having his six. Lucy tries to offer to go but no way in hell he was going to allow that.

Protective Tim is present and accounted for. I love her look when he tells her no. She does a little whine of disagreement. Lucy looks sick with worry. She doesn’t want him going down there either. Especially without her. It’s killing her to not have his back for this. That’s her natural default. He would rather sacrifice himself before letting her get hurt. *heart clutch* Best part of the episode right here.

She clutches his duty belt in worry as he descends into that hole. I love how he doesn’t take his eyes off her until the very last second. Could be the last time he sees her face depending on what’s down there. Makes sure to make most of it as he is lowered down. Tim is determined she is the last thing he sees before he faces whatever is below. What a damn romantic. His body was being lowered possibly into a explosive trap and he refused to break his gaze with her. *fans self* That man loves you Lucy Chen. That intense looks could set this house on fire my god.

The way she watches him descend. My damn heart. The hitch in her breath when he falls out of sight. Weird place or not her whole world just disappeared under that floorboard. Into god knows what and all she can do is stand there waiting. He said she should could follow if it was clear. She is antsy to follow him. To hear him give the all clear. Also had there been traps they would've had to drag her away from that hole. Because she would’ve jumped head long in to get him. Such a good moment for them. That look is seared into my shipper brain.

They end up saving Bailey with some impressive timing. Well Lucy does when Bailey's surfaced. We get to watch her be a bad ass and do CPR on her. Which is amazing to watch her perform. John ends up not killing Rosalind to save her. Which good thing the team did cause she would’ve died otherwise. Rosalind gets killed by her partner instead as John tries to get her booked. They're walking outside and she is clipped by a bullet before he can finish calling it in.

They roll up and see Rosalind’s dead body. Lucy is in shock she’s dead. Tim does the best he can do in the moment for her. Telling her she only seemed larger than life. Melissa crushing this scene with her expression. In disbelief she’s actually dead. This woman who has haunted her nightmares for so long. Given her so much PTSD is finally gone. Lucy starts to analyze why she did this. Tim won't let her go down that rabbit hole. She's taken up enough of Lucy's mental space by now.

Tim wants her to refocus. Saying that doesn't matter now. She is gone and he doesn't want her to dwell on it. She can truly start to close that chapter of her life now. It is surreal she is gone I know I felt that way too. Bless Annie for finishing off this SL even while she was sick. A true BAMF. LOVED her in Castle and Loved her in this as well. Hell of a villain.

~~~

Side notes-Non chenford

None really in this one.

Thank you forever and always to you who read, like, comment and reblog these you are all amazing :) See you in 5x05.

#Caitlin Rewatches The Rookie #chenford #chenford hiatus #waiting on s6 #winter rewatch #S5 #5x04 The Choice #the rookie 5x04 #otp: doing my job #otp: you know me so well. too well. #otp: some things matter more. #otp: you did good. #otp: you're nothing like him. #otp: just doesn't feel like pretend #tim x lucy #tim bradford #lucy chen #lucy x tim #eric winter #melissa o'neil #the rookie #tim bradford x lucy chen

[bullet-prooflove]

The Halfway Point Part 3: A Safe Space - Angel Reyes x Reader (feat: Felipe Reyes)

Tagging: @witches-unruly-heart @keyweegirlie @annetje @infinity-mars @danzer8705 @im-just-a-mississippi-girl @appreciatelove @the-wandering-lunatic @weiwei0210 @anime-weeb-4-life @multifandomloversworld @harperdoodle @est1887 @briefpersonenemy @creativitybeware @mortal--soul @buddinglinguist @spookyboogyuniverse @spaghettificationandpretzels @nu1freakshow @thebaileybugle @legally-a-bastard @oureternalbond @bonsaijoons @sclitvdes

The next day when you find Felipe in the rose garden you're surprised. You didn't expect him to follow through on his promise with the bench but it's seven in the morning and he's sitting on the damp grass alongside his toolbox and a small stack of wood, reinforcing the thing.

“Rotted through.” He tells you, showing you one of the slats. “It's a wonder you didn't fall straight through it.”

You think back to you and Angel last week. How he had made love to you on the grass instead of the bench because he was adamant it wouldn't hold despite the fact you were adamant it would. Felipe catches sight of your smile and shakes his head.

“I don't want to know.”

When you come by at again at noon with some water and some sandwiches for the older man, he's still sitting in the same place. This time though he has a paint tin perched next to him and a brush in his hand.

“Protects it from the weather.” He tells you in that gruff tone of his.

You sit and set down the collection of snacks and water bottles alongside him. He puts down the paint brush and covers the tin with the lid before stripping off his gloves. He doesn’t say anything when he picks up his sandwich and takes a bite, not even a thank you. You find it a little bit infuriating but you are determined not to let it get to you.

“Why do you keep it walled off?” he asks you thoughtfully, gesturing at the area around you.

You consider the question because there are multiple reasons, you’re just not sure which one to give him.

“Rose kush.” You say, tilting your head pointedly at the roses. “I use them to create the strain that grows in that field, they’re my secret weapon.”

“The real reason?” he prompts because Felipe knows when someone isn't giving him the whole story.

You pause for a moment because it’s not easy to discuss that sometimes the world gets a little too much and you buckle under the weight of your responsibilities. That sometimes you need a break from everything and everyone.

“Sometimes I just need space.” You confess to him. “A place that I can come to when everything gets a little too much. Being here around the roses, it just soothes me, it reminds me...”

You trail off, picking at the crust of your sandwich.

“Of what?” Felipe askes as he dusts the crumbs from his hands.

You swallow hard against the ache in your chest, because despite the fact it’s been a couple of years you still feel the loss acutely.

“Of when my Nana was alive. She was always this safe space for me, and I didn’t have that for a while after she was gone.”

There’s silence for a moment before Felipe breaks it.

“I still talk to Marisol.” He admits with a sigh. “Everyday I have my morning coffee and I tell her about the boys, things they've done, interactions we've had. I’ve not always been the best father but I'm trying because I’m all they've got right now.”

“I think you’re a pretty good one.” You tell him. Despite his gruffness you believe it, you think about the nights where Angel didn’t want to be alone after his mother’s passing, Felipe had still stepped up despite the fact he was grieving. They never talked about anything but baseball but it had helped Angel not feel so adrift. “You’re still present, there when they need you.”

“What about your father?” Felipe questions as he bundles up his rubbish. “Why isn't he here making sure that gate gets oiled?”

You shrug your shoulders.

“I don't know who he is.” You tell him truthfully. “I don’t even think my mom did. She was pretty wild. Left home at fifteen, followed a couple of bands around the country, came back one night and dropped a baby in my Nana's arms and took off again. She died when I was fourteen, she got drunk and took a header off a bridge in in Wisconsin, apparently someone dared her to walk along the handrail... the rest is history.”

“I'm sorry to hear that.”

He means it, he really does. No child deserves to be abandoned by their parent, no child needs to hear that drugs, drink and a good time are worth more than they are. Despite that you’re still seemingly well adjusted. He knows you’ve attended counselling; you’ve talked about it openly in your interviews.

“It is what it is.” You tell him, collecting the trash from him and putting it inside a compostable carrier bag. “It didn’t stop me from living my life, from going to college and becoming a botanist.”

“What about the farm?” he asks, his elbows coming to rest upon his knees.

“My Nana,” You explain, tying a knot in the top of the career bag. “She started off small in the sixties and then I helped legitimise it. I loved tinkering with plants, combining different things to see what the result was and that’s how we ended up with rose kush. It's helped a lot of people so far.”

“You believe in what you do.” Felipe states.

He respects that. It’s not often that you find people so firm in their ideals, that will stick to their guns when challenged but you do. You sincerely believe in what you’re harvesting and selling and he wants to understand that.

“I do.” You tell him. “I know you probably think I’m no better than the Galindos but this means something to me. The health care system is broken, and people can’t pay for their medicine and if Rose Kush brings them any kind of relief, then I’m glad for that. Until you have seen someone you love in agony, suffering because they can’t escape their pain, I don’t think you get an opinion.”

There’s a conviction in your words, he knows your Nana died of cancer, he can't imagine what it was like to watch someone you love waste away like that. In a way he’s glad that Marisol’s death was quick, even if he never got to say goodbye.

“Come to dinner tomorrow night.” He says both surprising himself and you. “Bring Angel. You can check on that rose bush, make sure it's taken to the soil.”

“Just to check on that rose bush.” You agree, raising to your feet. “Make sure you haven’t been neglecting it.”

“Give me a little credit." He mutters as he tugs on his gloves once again and removes the lid from the paint can. “It's only been a couple of days.”

“Uh huh.” You tease, lingering by the gate for a moment before you smile. “I'll see you tomorrow Felipe"

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[katyswrites]

ur robin smut was amazing 🫶🏼 could u do 13, 98 or 142 with her from the “150 random prompts” list? whichever one you feel more inclined to do works for me! or do all of them i wouldn’t complain 🫣 hahaha

Hi, anon! Sure thing! I was originally going to write a blurb, but this ended up being a whole oneshot, so I hope you enjoy!

Prompt 13: “If you keep looking at me like that we won’t make it to a bed.”

Prompt 142.: “Could he make you feel as good as I do?”

I Don't Want You Like a Best Friend

Pairing: Robin Buckley/afab!reader

Warnings: SMUT (18+), vaginal fingering (reader receiving), fluff, friends-to-lovers, reader has a bit of a sexuality crisis

Smut below the cut!

It had started simply, really. You were reeling from your fresh breakup, your boyfriend of a year doing it via phone call. He had decided that the girls at college were better, more interesting to him, and that he didn’t have time for his girlfriend stuck back in Hawkins for her senior year. Well, he hadn’t exactly put it that way, but… you weren’t stupid.

It’s been two weeks since then. You had gone through a range of emotion - devastating sadness, frustration, regret and blinding anger. The pain is less raw now, and you’re pissed, more than anything. Still, it’s a welcome surprise when Robin calls you up and invites you over for a movie night - somehow, she always knows exactly what you need.

Robin’s parents aren’t home, and she’s brandishing a tape of Labyrinth, freshly-arrived at Family Video. It’s sold-out nearly everywhere, but she had set it aside for you.

“Perks of the job,” she says, popping it in the VHS player and passing you the bowl of stovetop popcorn.

You sit for a while and just watch the movie, making jokes and commentary throughout. Robin doesn’t bring up the breakup - you both know that it’s why she’s invited you over, to take your mind off of it. 

“God,” you groan. “How much do you think they paid Bowie to dance with puppets like this?”

Robin laughs, the kind of laugh that has her snorting and gasping a little. It’s not even that funny, but she’s acting like she’s just heard the best joke in the world. You look over at her, the way her eyes crinkle and her face turns red, warming the freckles that dot her skin. And, for a moment, your heart aches with how bad you want to reach over and brush her hair out of her eyes, and hold her face in your hands.

You shake the feeling quickly, and push it down. You’re vulnerable, and reeling, and Robin’s your best friend… you can’t cross that line, not now. Besides, she likes Vickie, and you know that.

You turn your attention back to the TV, and focus intensely on the movie, taking in David Bowie and Jennifer Connelly as they ballroom dance. Soon, though, the credits are rolling, and Robin’s gotten up to rewind the tape. 

“So,” she says, flopping back down on the couch next to you, “What now? Wanna watch something else? Or, we can break into my mom’s liquor cabinet, if you’re feeling frisky.”

You grin. “Hm - I like that second option.”

*****

Soon, you’re splitting a bottle of vodka, mixed with some fruit punch Robin unearthed from the back of the fridge, and you’re feeling warm and light. Robin’s turned on the radio, Madonna’s voice floating through the crackly speakers as you melt into the couch. For a moment, it’s easy to forget about everything, and to just be here, with her. After a while, you feel Robin’s gaze on you, and you flop your head over to look at her. Her face is soft, and sympathetic, and you sigh.

“What is it, Robs?”

“Nothing! Just - you’re doing okay, right?”

You take a deep breath, and stare up at the ceiling. 

“I mean - I guess. I’m definitely doing better, at least, better than a couple weeks ago. I’m just pissed. I mean, I wasted so much time with him.”

“Yeah,” Robin says, scooting a bit closer. “I mean, I always thought you were way to good for him. I never really liked that guy.”

You look over at her, furrowing your brow.

“Wait, actually? And you never said anything?”

Robin sighs, pressing her palm to her forehead.

“Well - yeah! I mean, you really seemed into him, so - what was I supposed to do? I mean, would you tell me if I was dating a girl you didn’t particularly like?”

You sigh, and cross your arms. “No, probably not. I mean, not if you seemed to really like her.”

Then, you raise your eyebrows suggestively, and look over at her.

“Speaking of girls you like - anything going on with Vickie?”

Robin’s face falters a bit, and she shakes her head. 

“Um - no, not really. I mean, we chat at band practice, and stuff, but… I don’t know.”

You furrow your brow, confused. “You don’t know what?”

Robin shifts, tucking her legs underneath her on the couch and fully facing you.

“I mean - Vickie’s cool. And, I like her. But, not as much as I thought I did. I mean… I think I maybe like someone else, and that’s the real stuff.”

Your stomach lurches, and you shove it down - you’re not the jealous type, you can’t be. So instead, you force a smile, and lean casually against the back of the couch.

“Oh, yeah? Who?”

Robin looks at you for a moment, something unreadable passing her features. Then, she scooches a bit closer to you, enough that you can count her constellations of freckles, her blue eyes soft and sincere.

“Hey - if I ask you something, can you promise not to get weird?”

You nod, not risking saying anything. The alcohol makes your brain feel a bit fuzzy, your face flushed and warm. Then, Robin whispers something softly, delicately.

“Have you - have you ever thought about kissing a girl?” 

Your breath catches in your throat, a hot rush to your face - you’re almost positive you’re beet-red.

“I - um - what?”

“I’m sorry, it’s just - have you?”

You don’t know what possesses you - maybe it’s the alcohol, or the mourning of lost time, or the acute awareness of how close Robin’s face is to yours, doe-eyed and beautiful. But, aloud, you say something you’ve never even admitted to yourself.

“Yes,” you breathe. Then, without thinking, you’re closing the remaining distance between you two, and you press your lips to hers. She lets out a squeak of surprise, but doesn’t pull back. For a moment you’re terrified, and unable to believe this is happening, because you’re kissing your best friend and - of God, she’s kissing you back.

She tastes like cheap liquor and cherry Chapstick, her mouth moving with yours as you breath her in - lilies, sandalwood, and mint, and so Robin. All at once it’s scary, and amazing, and strangely familiar. You aren’t thinking about anything else, just how right this feels, even if it’s actually wrong. Your brain is short-circuiting, your skin is on fire. You suddenly understand what people mean by sparks, and they’re firing off in your head, unable to think anything besides yes. 

You open your mouth a bit, allowing Robin’s tongue to enter, exploring your mouth as you let out a small moan. You bring your hands to her hair, grasping the back of her head as she melts into you. She lets out a groan of approval, and you’re letting her take the lead, easing you back on the couch to lay underneath her.

Then, you’re both pulling away, gasping for breath. She’s hanging over you, and you both stare at each other wordlessly for a moment. You’re both breathing rapidly, hearts thumping, lips swollen and glossy. Robin speaks first.

“I - um, I just -”

“Shut up,” you breathe, and you’re pulling her down to you, kissing her deep and hard. She holds herself up, swinging one leg so that she’s straddling you. It’s getting messier, all gnashing teeth and tongue, your kisses becoming more desperate. Is this what you’ve been missing, this whole time?

Then, your fingers are toying with the hem of her t-shirt, lightly brushing the soft skin of her navel. You sit yourself up a bit, pushing her into an upright position, and she’s pulling it over her head. You stare at her, taking in the rapid rise and fall of her chest under her black bra, and it finally occurs to you that this is happening. Part of you thinks you might return to your senses, decide to not go any further, but it doesn’t happen - instead, you want more.

“Wow,” you gasp, taking her in. 

She smirks. “If you keep looking at me like that, we won’t make it to a bed.”

You smile devilishly in return. “Who says we have to?”

Then, she’s on you again, pressing you into the couch and kissing you hungrily. You gasp into her mouth, her lips soft and perfect, exactly how you’d imagined.

Then, she’s tugging at your shirt, and it’s being pulled over your head, flung to the other side of the room.

“Everything - ah, fuck - everything, off,” she breathes, fiddling with the button of your jeans. You help her and shimmy them down your legs, kicking them off the edge of the couch. She sits up, leaning back on her knees, and stares at you in absolute awe.

You suddenly feel shy, and cross your arms over your chest. “What is it?” you ask, avoiding her gaze.

“Nothing, it’s just,” she shakes her head incredulously, “you’re really beautiful, you know that?”

You blush at that, your heart fluttering and threatening to burst out of your chest - you can’t remember the last time someone called you beautiful, least of all him.

“You really mean that?” you ask, voice feeling small.

She nods, leaning over you again until her face is inches away.

“Yeah - I’ve always thought that.”

Then she’s kissing you again, deep and slow, and you sigh into her mouth. She moves from your lips to your neck, peppering kisses there and making her way down to your chest. Then, she looks up at you, eyes soft.

“Can I touch you?” she asks, her voice low.

Your stomach flutters, the warmth in your chest spreading further, lower.

“Yes,” you breathe. “Please.”

She grins, and presses another kiss to your chest, your neck, your lips, her hand traveling downwards. She brushes her fingers along the edge of your panties, toying with the elastic.

When her hand finally slips underneath the thin fabric, and she runs her finger along your slit, you gasp. 

“Jesus, you’re so wet,” she murmurs, completely in awe. She coats her fingers in your slit, touching you, but not exactly where you need her. Before you have a chance to beg, she brings her fingers to your clit, and you see stars.

You cry out, involuntarily bucking into her hand as she begins to rub slow circles on your clit. Your eyes flutter closed, and she toys with your cunt, spreading the lips and stroking.

“Oh, fuck,” you cry, voice shaky and strained.

“That feel good?” she asks, her voice sultry and low as she kisses your neck. You bite your lip and nod, unable to speak, unable to think anything besides how much you need her.

“Could he make you feel as good as I do?” she rasps. You shake your head,gasping for air as she speeds up her ministrations on your clit.

“Well, could he?”

“No! God - fuck - no, he couldn’t,” you gasp, writhing underneath her.

She smiles into your skin. “Good.”

Without warning, she sinks a finger inside of you. You moan, and as she curls it along that spot along your walls, your back arches, head thrown back in ecstasy.

“Oh, oh God,” you pant, grasping the back of Robin’s neck and pulling her impossibly closer to you.

“God’s not here, I’m afraid,” she whispers. Despite yourself, you roll your eyes. But before you can come up with a clever retort, she adds a second finger, and you lose all cognitive function.

She scissors her fingers, stretching you out, her thumb continuing on your clit. 

“You close? You gonna come for me?” she asks, reaching up with her other hand to start palming your breast.

“Yes - almost there - Robin, fuck, keep doing that -”

It’s too much, and not enough, and exactly what you’ve been needing. She pumps her fingers, once, twice, three times, and you’re done for. You let go, your orgasm washing over you like a tsunami. You scream, head lifting off of the pillow and pressing into her shoulder. You clench around her fingers, convulsing as she continues to circle your clit, slowing down as you ride out your high.

“That’s it - there you go, that’s perfect,” she croons, soothingly stroking your hair as you come down.

Then, you’re flopping back, heart pounding, panting heavily. She withdraws her fingers, and you look down, the sight of her hand coated in your juices making your head spin.

Did that really just happen? As you stare into Robin’s wide eyes hovering over yours, you come back to reality - the reality where you just had the best orgasm or your life on your best friend’s fingers, that is.

Neither of you say anything for a moment, matching each other’s slowing breathing as you assess the situation. You decide to break the silence.

“That - that was -”

“Yeah,” Robin says, sitting back up on her knees. “Um - is this the part where we talk about it?”

You look at her, as if you’re seeing her for the very first time. Maybe it’s the afterglow, or the fact that things make sense for what might be the first time in your life, or the fact that her lips look so kissable. But, you shake your head, and shakily bring yourself to a sitting position, pulling yourself closer to her.

“No,” you whisper, bringing your face close to hers, brushing your noses. “Now is the part where you show me how I can make you feel that good.” A smile spreads on her face, warm and big until she’s positively beaming. Then, you’re pulling her in for a passionate kiss, and she’s falling back, taking you with her. It’s all smiles and giggles, kisses and touches, and you know that no matter what happens after tonight, this is what you’ve been looking for.

Taglist: @cityofidek

Stranger Things requests are open!

View prompt lists below - in your request, please specify which prompt list you’re referring to, and which character you’d like it for!

random sentence prompts

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#anon request #random sentence prompts #robin buckley x reader #robin buckley fic #robin buckley smut #robin buckley x reader smut #stranger things fic #stranger things smut #robin buckley prompt #robin buckley oneshot #robin buckley x you #robin buckley x y/n #robin buckley fanfiction #robin buckley fluff

[darklyndivinely]

The Brothers react to your sudden demise

Fandom(s) - Obey Me!

Character(s) - The Demon Brothers (-Mammon, Belphie)

Summary - Headcannons about how The Brothers would react to finding out about your death.

Warnings - ANGST, sad!Bois, mentions of death, mentions of kissing (Satan, Asmo), mentions of sex and related activities (Asmo), most of them don't know how to cope healthily.

Wordcount - 3.5k+

A/N - This has been in the work for ages. Unfortunately, I could not write Mammon and Belphie even though I had ideas for them. Also idk why Beel's is so short, it just feels like there's nothing more to add. This time Levi's is the best, haha.

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Like this? Check out my headcannons about angry brothers here!

Premise - Diavolo steeples his fingers together. The atmosphere of the Council Meeting Room is palpable with tension. Finally, after a deep breath, the prince says, "Mc is dead... They died from a sudden heart attack and were discovered a couple hours ago in their apartment."

LUCIFER, AVATAR OF PRIDE

Lucifer is distressed beyond belief. Playing in front of his eyes is his worst nightmare, the dread of a reality he had been steadily gathering his courage for. Suddenly, it’s not a moment of dire anticipation swirling through his mind nor is it contemplation of a reaction he might have in the future. This is the future. You are dead, and Lucifer doesn’t know whether to scream or sob. 

The council meeting room has become blanketed by silence following Diavolo’s words. None of his brothers seem forthcoming to break it, eyes hooded over with fierce emotions, and so Lucifer stifles the tremor in his bones. His voice, as he demands more information, quivers on its way out.

All he wants at that moment is for Diavolo to laugh in his signature boisterous way, clap a hand on his shoulder, and say how this was nothing but part of an elaborate prank. But the Demon Prince, to his deep disappointment, doesn’t laugh or show any signs of amusement at his suffering, and instead offers him details that only twist the knife lodged in his heart deeper.

Lucifer's eyes gravitate to Barbatos' then, seeking confirmation or comfort, he doesn’t know. What he does know is he shouldn't, he really shouldn’t, but as the butler displays a breath of hesitation before firmly shaking his head, he can’t help but latch onto that brief moment of uncertainty.

The next day, having freshened up to the best of his abilities, he reaches out to Barbatos. A couple of hours of rephrasing his questions enough times irritates the butler into submission, and he receives the wretched answer he’d been so craving. The one and only timeline in which you’ll still be alive and breathing was the one where you never discovered Devildom, where he didn’t sign his approval on your application, where he didn’t live out all those blissful years with you at all. 

Lucifer feels his teetering balance tip. Did he possess enough strength to grant you life but watch you thrive from afar, blissfully unaware of his existence? Was he resilient enough to watch you fall in love with a stranger and hold himself back to allow you that simple shred of happiness? The answer is simple and yet the most impractical course to exist, so Lucifer accepts the soft hug he receives from Barbatos.

Later that night, back against his cool headboard, lower half cocooned in his blankets, he clasps in his fingers a polaroid of you. With the human realm’s sun shining directly in your face, your eyes were scrunched in this frozen piece of bliss, lips tilted in an amused grimace. Against the bright green backdrop of the vibrant grass and shadows spread at your feet—both his and yours—you were ethereal, the most candid he’ll ever experience you as. 

He cradles his shattering heart in the embrace of your warm memory then, forfeiting his being to the anguish knocking at the door of his soul. It bursts in, rushing through his veins with a frenzy, consuming his senses like liquid fire, and tumbling out of his lips in a bloody stream of misery.

How long he fists the sheets on his bed, Lucifer doesn’t know. Grief comes alive in his eyes, fades into anger, and then, sometime after, revisits again. Only this time, when pain sears his body apart, he doesn’t resist, doesn’t scream or sob or cry or even think. 

Muffled steps stop before his door at some point. The person doesn't knock though so Lucifer burrows deeper into his cave of exhaustion. As his body succumbs to slumber, he manages to catch sight of a crow settling on his windowsill. He doesn’t send it away.

The next morning, Lucifer pulls his cape over his shoulder with hollow movements, missing the hands that used to run over the lapels and loop around his nape. The breakfast table lacks its eighth set of cutlery, the sight of the vacant chair adjacent to him plucking ruthlessly at the strings of his heart. The first sip of his coffee is starkly normal on his tongue, no bitterness, no edge of cinnamon, no one to thank and appreciate.

Once upon a time, ‘normal’ had been an actuality that he had yearned for. Now, the same word is an incredibly sour thought to him, a harbinger of torment and darkness. You, who he had once considered ruthlessly far from normal, had captured his heart in a vice grip of adoration by that exact unpredictability of yours. You were the most strange, vivid, and beautiful thing to happen to him. The absence of you is, consequently, the most desolating occurence in his life.

The bottle of Demonus Lucifer touches to his lips is freezing, sweet poison popping across his tongue in bubbles of inebriation. Classical notes fade in and out of his hearing, the music a bit too loud to be considered appropriate for nighttime. He begs then, mind hazy with inconsolable longing, desperation solidifying in his eyes once again. His hands reach out, yearning, and graze over the seat you used to once occupy, the covered glass he kept for you to peruse is a bit askew atop his table, the dark skull in his office that you used to admire raking cold claws of uneasiness down his spine. 

What would you do if you saw him now? Would you chide him for the liquor that lingers on his lips or would you join in and raise a somber toast? Will your glass as it clinks with his bottle make any sound? Or will it, instead, be a faded ring of your laugh that loses its intensity every passing second? 

Lucifer raises the alcohol to his lips again. All that was warm is now cold. But the cold must wait before its descent, for he is not ready for battle yet.

LEVIATHAN, AVATAR OF ENVY

Levi is in disbelief.  An incessant buzz rings in his ears, denial bubbling out of his throat in a hurry. Nonsense! How could you be dead when he had talked with you just this morning? Diavolo assures him that they have double-checked—you were dead. Levi shoots out of his seat then. He’ll call you; you’ll pick up, laugh at how ridiculous Diavolo was being, and reassure him of your sentience by gently calling his name through the speakers. 

His heart thuds shakily in his chest when the line doesn’t connect. He persists through the agitating rings when finally, finally you pick up. The voice that greets him though, is vastly different than yours. Stumped, Levi tells them how he was hoping to contact you. The voice is slow as it informs him: you had a heart attack this afternoon. There was going to be a funeral soon, if he wished to attend, he was welcome. He thanks them softly, disconnecting the call and turning to avoid the concerned eyes trained on his skin.

You were dead...but how? How could you—fierce and strong, and so, so brave—die? Death didn’t seem to be a concept that rhymed with you, and yet, the grief streaked through the faces around in sharp waves. 

“How do you feel?” Mammon asks during a weekly gaming session. For once, Levi doesn’t shush him and tell him to focus; instead, he tries to come up with an answer.

How did he feel? Like his world had darkened at its edges, peace blurring out of existence. The clock in his room has become nothing but a showpiece; his days have started to replicate the journey of the needles, starting and ending the same way. He felt trivial in his existence, unimportant, insignificant; an ink smudge in a sea of pages bound together, nothing more than a drop in comparison. He feels too much. And yet, words fall short, drying on their journey to his lips. There’s so much to say, so Levi stays quiet.

He’s uncertain about the exact moment when he fully braced the full weight of your death. Maybe it was when he had blearily opened his closet one morning and the cosplay costume he had helped you stitch had spilled into his arms. Perhaps it happened when he had been searching for one of his noise-cancelling headphones and had instead found a bunch of pictures of you and him together from when you had dragged him to a carnival photo booth.

Levi has never experienced drowning; water is his main source of power after all. But now, it feels as if his lungs are on fire, ears throbbing in the sea of grief he can’t seem to reach the surface of. The breath he so desperately tries to hold onto soon bubbles into sour water that turns his skin translucent. The glass tank around him has shattered into a billion pieces, all reflecting his numb and broken face and they digdigdig into his heart, deeper and deeper until they pass through and he is left motionless with blood colouring his surroundings and seeping in through his clothes and his exhausted body and back into his heart. Levi thinks he’s screaming, or maybe there are screams in his ears, he doesn’t know, he doesn’t know, he doesn’t know.

Where did you go? Levi wonders at night, the blink of his gaming console shading his face blue. Why did you go? Could you not have stayed with him for a day longer? He wanted to tell you how much he enjoyed the song you had sent him. The music video of it was so beautiful and ethereal. And he still hadn’t gotten around to watching that trilogy you had recommended. He wanted to watch it with you. He wanted you to tell him every little trivia you knew about it. He wanted to see you excitedly explain theories and try to swallow any spoilers for his benefit. He wanted to see you again, touch you again, and feel you trace his tail again. Where had you gone?

He’s crashing through walls of memories, screaming and aching and yearning for anything of you. There’s an unfurling seed of desperation in his chest that spreadsspreadsspreads through his veins, and sets his blood alight with the need to be close to you. You can no longer reserve your most wholesome smile for him, the twinkle in your eye as you call his name just before you pull a prank on him having gone missing. He can longer be close to you physically, but he still can feel you emotionally. 

And so Levi reaches out to you in his memories. He holds you in his arms and spins you around merrily. He remembers every tidbit of yourself you ever gifted him: phrases of songs you used to hum in the shower, show recommendations given to him over the breakfast table, brand names you had claimed to be your favourite and used. Everything that had brought a smile to your face starts to bring one on his as well. This is a part of you that he has found—many of which are parts you had endowed onto him and him alone.

There are so many things you had loved that he had been unable to, so many memories that he was supposed to have with you, but no more. He’ll live your share of the happiness too, for when he finally meets you again—in this lifetime or the one after—he will tell you all that you have missed. He will tell you how you are and will always be his Henry.

SATAN, AVATAR OF WRATH

Satan doesn’t know how to handle the emotions that rain down on him with Diavolo’s words. His mind feels stuffed with cotton, the tips of his fingers cold with disbelief, and the stark taste of blood on his tongue is fresh and raw. He thinks he says something to Diavolo then, but two days later he has no memory of the words. He has no remembrance of anything besides you.

Satan finds himself tracing the bookshelves in his room. His heart is subdued in his chest, quivering feelings caged inside. He fingers free a familiar book, flipping through the pages yearningly. The book is a most colorful sight, marked with an assortment of highlighters and the familiar imprints of your scent. There are tiny sentences nestled in between paragraphs, so much like words of love and reassurance you used to whisper in his hairline during the truly dark hours, and Satan wonders for the umpteenth time if this was your way of crawling inside his soul and immortalizing yourself. He traces a winky face etched at one of the corners, the full weight of your love cradled between his arms crashing through his being. His knees give way under him, body collapsing onto the ground as heaving sobs rip through his throat.

Forever; such a lie it was. All the soft flutters of it from your lips had fooled him; fooled him into grand delusions; fooled him into saying it back. He had believed that delusion to be reality, taken for granted the touch of your lips on his, and now forever had slipped from between his fingers. His hands had been emptied just like the other side of his bed.

Satan screams then, at the memories throbbing in him like spikes of hot emotion. He rages at the moon that had dulled without your warmth at his side, at the pulsing silence of the library that had become devoid of your breath, at death that had snatched your life away. The white hot pain is unfamiliar but it’s full of meaning, composed of nothing but you, so Satan reaches out to it. He savors the smoke that curls from his burning flesh, the needles that prick his body and draw out his life force. So what if you had lost yours? He’ll gladly share his own life with you. He’ll gladly surrender every second of his existence to you.

Satan knows it’s stupid, cradling the pain like it was you instead. But emotion had never been his forte, and by default, neither had been you. So for once Satan lets himself be stupid, lets his wrath and his pain accompany him as he ventures with you in memories.

The air of House of Lamentation has become charged with cautiousness ever since your demise. Everyone has started treading on eggshells, carefully phrasing their words when trying to initiate communication with the fifth born. Satan shouldn’t, but he feels a twisted satisfaction at their discomfort. The sight of their stuttering tongues and fidgety eyes brings him a pleasure compared to none. He had let loose of the frayed strings of control, had let them fall far, far beyond his reach. He had stopped pretending and everyone hated it. In moments when he feels other’s despair at his behavior, his thoughts of you renew with fervor. You, who had never looked at him differently for his wrath, who had always gripped his arm silently and offered comfort in trying times; you who had loved him and who he had loved in return. You, who had made even his wrath, fall in love with you.

Satan knows the right word for it: defense mechanism. He knows this is nothing but a way to cope with the loss he has endured and yet he can’t bring himself to care. Each passing day, the anchor to his emotions weakens in its hold as his actions blur into a façade and reshape themselves into another hastily conjured illusion. The clock ticking in his mind is consistent: someday he’ll run out of anger and all of his aching and bleeding flesh would tumble out of him. But fortunately for him, that is a long time to come. When that day does come, Satan will be ready. Ready to embrace the chaos inside of him the way you always had.

ASMODEUS, AVATAR OF LUST

Asmo’s immediate reaction is numbness. His mind stills, so does his physical body. Distantly he observes Levi shoot out of his seat but Asmo can’t conjure up any energy to mimic his brother. All of his energy seems to have seeped out of his body with the news of your demise. Upon returning to the House of Lamentation he immediately retreats into his room. Nobody catches sight of him for the next couple days. Mammon tries to get him to open the door after Asmo fails to show up for meals for a full day, but he gives up when it’s clear that his brother has no intention of picking the food he had left outside.

When Asmo does appear, a full five days later, everybody does a double check at the sight. When before Asmo had been soft pinks and tangy greens, he now had switched those colors with treacherous black and ruminating silver. His face had hardened into smooth marble with spikes circling his neck in beautiful constrictions, heels getting deadlier by the day. Your death had both awakened and subdued something in him.

One morning, when Satan casually brings up the change in aesthetics, Asmo pauses, twirls his fork around his fingers, and replies without glancing up, “I am mourning, of course.”

He is mourning, that much is true. However, as he sits in the dark of his room, Asmo wonders if his ways are healthy. There are so many feelings in his chest that he had never expressed to you. Everything around him: his room, his closet, the dining table, the garden, all of it so familiar was now painted with memories of you. A part of him yearns to run. Escape from the ghost of your hand that lingers on his cheek, the color of your eyes that haunts his mind, the taste of your lips, and the cozy fit of his face against your shoulder that never leaves him be.

Everything hurts. And some days, Asmo gives in to that yearning. Let the succubus’ clinging to him run their hands over his hips because did it really matter if those hands weren’t yours? At least this way he could pretend. Pretend that the voice moaning his name is yours, that the fingers that scrape against his scalp are familiar. At least this way he can pretend that you hadn’t scooped his soul hollow with your death, that he hadn’t lost all sense of direction when you had taken your last breath.

There’s another part of him too. A part that doesn’t want to let you go, that wants to cling to the shadow of your memory and carve your name on the insides of his soul. On days he succumbs to this part of his being, Asmo welcomes the phantom touch of your gaze on his. He goes to The Fall, a club you both had frequented and orders the drinks you had. He twirls in the spot you had liked, breathlessly sings along to the music like you had, and dances and dances.

Dances till his vision swims with vivid memories and pain becomes his enemy; it’s a constant company, a relentless reminder that he is alive and breathing while you aren’t. You weren’t dancing with him or holding hands or laughing or doing anything but lying dead somewhere so, so far away. He was so dumb for letting you return to that wretched human realm by yourself. He should have been there with you but he wasn’t.

Instead, he is here, wrecked and inebriated, trying to pretend that his world hasn’t slipped off his axis; trying to pretend that he isn’t completely and utterly shattered with you gone.

BEELZEBUB, AVATAR OF GLUTTONY

Beel is heartbroken. Two days ago when you had called him, you had sounded like you always did: excited, radiant and full of life. You had found a delicious velvet cake, you’d told him and had proceeded to describe the taste in such exquisite detail, Beel had to run to Madam Screams to satisfy his sudden craving. The news that you had succumbed to death barely forty-eight hours after he had talked with you was agonizing to hear.

The weight in his chest seems lighter when Belphie is beside him. His twin is calming, can voicelessly feel his turmoil, and always offers an unassuming reprieve to his raw and aching heart. In the familiar attic with the warmth of his brother beside him it’s easy to pretend of your inexistence. When Belphie’s eyes fall shut, however, is when the true weight of your demise dawns upon Beel. No longer sheltered within a façade, he finds himself stranded at the center of a storm, icy memories of your infectious laughter and the glide of your fingers along his flesh whipping his skin raw.

Beel is caught in a tornado of heartache, tumbling out of the past and into a future devoid of your light. The ache of the fall is eternal, thawing through his insides in strikes of relentless agony and sorrow. He tries to adhere to his routine to distract himself then, aiming to not miss any of his Fangol practices. It provides another reprieve: the adrenaline thrumming through his blood, the brief but welcome shot of happiness that accompanies their win.

When the match ends Beel changes out of his sweaty clothes and starts towards the bleachers, lips parted with a breathy grin and body flushed with excitement, but stills halfway, freezing realization creeping through his heart: You weren’t going to be there. Yet his feet pull him over to the benches, to the vacant seat you once occupied. Beel doesn’t know why he sits there, or how long. He just sits, hands resting on the metal arms and tries to see the Devildom moon the way you must have seen it. Maybe if he touches this seat long enough, he’ll be able to identify all the places your fingers had grazed it. Maybe if he thinks about you enough then he’ll have something more than just a past with you.

You were gone and had left your inevitable mark on Beel. His hunger which used to be a means to extinguish the ravenous fire in his stomach has now become a way to fill the chasm that has hollowed his soul neatly through the middle. It is the only healthy way for him to cope with the excruciating pain that throbs through his being every time a whisper of name stumbles upon him.

Guilt plagues his heart then, just like you haunt his soul. Isn’t this emptiness all he has left of you? Isn’t the hollow carving in his heart a sentient reminder of how much you had meant to him? He shouldn’t try to subdue this pain that makes him feel so alive; a pain that feels like his soul has merged with yours.

Was this what you had felt when you had died? Because if so, Beel would gladly claim this pain as his own. He would gladly draw the blood from his body if it meant he could be closer to yours.

#obey me #lucifer x reader #lucifer angst #leviathan x reader #leviathan angst #levi x reader #levi angst #satan x reader #satan angst #asmodeus x reader #asmodeus angst #asmo x reader #beelzebub x reader #beelzebub angst #beel x reader #obey me headcannons #om! lucifer #om! beelzebub #om! leviathan #om! asmodeus #om! satan #darkly and divinely written #obey me x reader #obey me shall we date #lucifer obey me #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #asmodeus avatar of lust #lucifer avatar of pride #leviathan avatar of envy

[worldswithoutendings]

Eye for an eye. [Michael Langdon] PT.2

and there we go again! I really enjoy writing for him so I want to continue this into a series!

Pairing: Michael Langdon x female!reader

warning: alcohol

summary: after Michael left you his coat, things start to shift for you.

The next morning you woke up, feeling heavy and hot due to Michael’s coat you were still wearing. His scent lingered in your hair and bedsheets. You could rule the world one day you started to have flashbacks from when you met Satan when you were 15. And started to feel the similar pain you were feeling in that time period. You thought you’d gotten better, you’ve been going to therapy for almost 6 years now. Just endless sessions of talking, light therapy, and even more talking. Such much talking that you started to talk to yourself in public situations. I’m going crazy.

You stand up from your bed, taking off Michael’s coat ‘Versace? At least he has good taste’ you mumble as you fold it nicely only to see a card fall out of his coat, you curse softly as you pick it up and try to put it back without peeking, but it piqued your interest. It only had a phone number on it ‘What if it’s his? No, that would be weird and so freaking selfish of him to walk around with a note with his phone number on it” You laughed at your own comment, putting it next to his coat on your table as you get ready for the day.

When you come back from work you had this gnawing feeling in your stomach ‘It’s a freaking Versace coat, he definitely wants to have that back right?’ you mumble as you walk towards your door. Only to see the living room light on ‘That’s… awkwardly strange’ You weren’t even in your living room this morning so to have the light on is exceptionally freaky.

Once you are inside you hang your coat ‘You do know, that this coat was last season?’ you hear a voice behind you making you scream ‘god damn it! you almost send me straight to your father’ you bluntly say as you grab your chest. Michael looks at you with fascination ‘Hello y/n’ ‘Hi Mr Lang-“ ‘-Michael, I don’t need the coat’ You look at him questionably ‘Then, why are you here?’ ‘you made a deal with my father, right?’ ‘Yeah, a stupid one, eleven years ago. Oh please give me a love life give me a break’ you laugh as you take your boots off and walk to the kitchen ‘Can I interest you in holy water?’ ‘Are you dumb?-‘ ‘Vodka’ you shake the bottle to show him ‘Are you an alcoholic?’ he says with furrowing brows

‘am I not allowed to drink? I thought 21 was the legal age’ ‘doesn’t immediately have to make you an alcoholic’ ‘Oh come on, you eat human hearts for fun, I can drink alcohol until my kidney stops’ ‘Please stop drinking alcohol like water’ he compels you to drain the glass bottle you just open ‘damn don’t you know how expensive that one was?!’ ‘you got it as a gift from your other alcoholic friends, cut it out’ you stand still in your kitchen why are we fighting like a married couple, no, nope. Y/n get that out of your head ‘So exactly why are you here?’ your voice softens as Michael walks into your kitchen to get you both a glass of water “Well, I talked with my father. He says you have the potential to be powerful”

“Mr. Langdon. no offense, the last time he saw me, I was fifteen years old, fifteen. The drive I had back then. Is long gone. It took too long. I’ve waited too long” you sigh as you sit down. Michael stands in front of you as he puts the glasses down ‘Besides. He told me that I would be “the bride to end all days” Give me a break” You laugh but you see how Michael holds tighter onto the glasses “he said what”

After Michael left you were confused. You still didn’t have an answer to why Michael really was there, it mostly felt like a job interview, a very cold job interview. He wanted to know your general interest, just like you did with his. But there wasn’t really a mood going on. The room got more heated until he left. To leave you shivering on the couch where he left you. Without the coat “Oh, you can text me, but I can’t guarantee you to answer back. I’m not really a tech guy’ he said when he left. Making you laugh, how can someone who is close to your own age not be familiar with tech? But you were right, he did keep a note with his number in his pocket. Making you giggle when you look at it, pathetic. But yet you felt this weird feeling in your stomach to just start texting, he basically broke into your home, so you can definitely text him.

So, you really don’t want your coat back?

It would be a waste of a perfect coat to be here neatly folded. Waiting for his owner. You put it on to see how it suits you and you can’t help but to be in awe. It’s a very pretty coat. You heard your phone buzz

I can miss this coat, besides. You look prettier in it

You turn to your window to see a shadow disappear immediately

So you’re going to make an Edward Cullen move on me? Classic

Who is that?

I didn’t think you were much of a texter Mr. Langdon

Michael.

At least send me a link of your perfume.

You hear a familiar laugh going through your head. One you hadn’t heard in years. The hairs on your neck start to stand up as you look in the mirror to see the sky change to red ‘Here we go again’ you mumble.

“So here we are. Eleven years later” “Still not married,” you say melodic as you tilt your head. Satan sits down on his throne “Patience, my child. Patience is a virtue” “Yeah for someone who wants to end the world you do indeed have a lot of patience” “Hey! He is a work in progress, he needs to commit” “Are you talking about your son?”

“who else my child? You’re ready” “I’m far from ready,” you say as you want to put Michaels's coat more over your body but you realise you are not wearing it “I did that for you, it would smell like smoke when you would come back. Break your tiny heart” “Oh he has feelings!” you gasp making him laugh followed by tutting “y/n, y/n, you still haven’t lost your fifteen-year-old temper” “It actually became worse” you admit “he needs that, the girl he is right now is just a doll. Don’t worry, he’ll get rid of her before you know it” “Why? He literally said that she was going to be his wife soon? Isn’t he in love with her?” “y/n, he needs her for something else. He just doesn’t realize yet” Satan says as he plays with what looks like a heart “he wants this, the most. For the ritual. The ritual” “what ritual?” “you’ll find out my child,” Satan says as he flicks his hand, and within no time you are back in your room, only to hit your head on the wall while losing balance. You hiss in pain as your phone buzzes again. This time it was your best friend

Haven’t heard from you in a while, fill me in

Why don’t you just come over Julie.

Within fifteen minutes she stood in front of your door. With a bottle of red wine “No offense, Julie. But the antichrist forbid me to drink” You roll your eyes and Julie laughs loudly “The antichrist?! y/n come on” “It’s true-“ you sigh “Come” The both of you walk to the living room where you fill her in

“damn, y/n, when you said you made a deal I thought you were experimenting with drugs!” Julie says after you showed her the coat, including the note “Can, can I text him? Just for fun, maybe he is a bot?” “Be my guest” you say as you sit back down on the couch. You see how Julie immediately starts to text him but you get this sour taste in your mouth “damn what is in this wine?” “I thought you loved it!  it’s the one I always buy” “Something is off with it” you say as you pull a sour face “I don’t think it’s an actual number, y/n” Julie says as she shows her phone to show an out-of-order message by the provider.

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i'd love to hear feedback from you! x

#michael langdon #american horror story #american horror story: apocalypse #michael langdon x reader #michael langdon scenario #michael langdon imagine

[steveharringtonat3am]

Waitress!Reader x Eddie Munson

wc: 664

You sigh deeply as your eyes run over the schedule for next week. You were scheduled for a full shift on Valentine’s day. Eddie and you had discussed this, deciding to save any plans of a date for the weekend. So for now, you’d spend the day of love running around serving happy couples while your boyfriend was home and waiting for you.

He hadn’t been mad when you’d mentioned it to him, just kissing your temple and mumbling something about going out on Saturday. But that didn’t stop you from feeling bad. I mean, what kind of girlfriend works on Valentines day?

The 14th rolls around sooner then you would expect. You decide to get at least a little dressed up, tying some bows in your hair and adding a few pink accessories to complete the look. You’re still wearing your uniform though, but it doesn’t stop Eddie from whistling at you as you get dressed.

“You look stunning.” He calls from bed, head just barely propped up to be able to see you.

“Thank you sweetie. I’m sorry I can’t spend the day with you.” You push some of the hair off his forehead, kissing it gently.

“Don’t worry about it, princess. You just focus on work okay? We can do Valentine’s day any day of the year.” God you had really hit the jackpot with Eddie.

“I’ll try my best. Bye baby.” You kiss him one more time before finally leaving for work, guilt just slightly gnawing away at you.

You’ve only been here an hour, and your heart aches. You’ve been serving happy couples this entire time and all you can think about is Eddie. Your perfect, sweet boyfriend who never misses a date and is always there when you need him.

And is currently at home alone right now while you work.

But you decide to push that out of your mind, plastering a smile on your face as you refill coffee.

“Hi, what can I get-Eddie?” And there he is, sitting happily in a booth in your section.

“Hey sweetheart.” He winks at you and you suddenly feel like when you first met, how charming he’d been.

“What are you doing here?” You hand him a menu, despite the fact he’s been here plenty of times and knows it by heart.

“Well since you have to work I figured I might as well be here too. There’s no one else I would rather spend Valentine’s day with.” He squeezes your hand and you grin wildly.

“My lunch break is in two hours. You really wanna sit here for that long?” Before the words even leave your mouth he holds up a copy of ‘The Hobbit’

“I’ll be very busy. So I’ll have a chocolate milkshake for now.” You grin and kiss his cheek quickly before going to put his order in.

You have the best boyfriend ever.

By the time your lunch rolls around, the place has started to clear up. They’ll be a small rush at dinner time but that’s not your problem. You ring in an order of your and Eddie’s usual, and after some puppy-dog eyes towards the chefs, you have two plates of heart-shaped pancakes.

“Voila!” You set the plates down infront of him, slipping into the other side of the booth.

“Wow! They’re doin’ heart shaped pancakes today?” He’s pouring a ridiculous amount of syrup on them, even leaning over to drizzle some on yours too.

“They did em extra special for me.” You’re quick to dig in, having worked up an appetite today.

“Of course they did.”

You spend the whole break talking. Despite being together for so long now, you never run out of things to say.

Eddie just hopes that in a few minutes, the one thing you say is yes.

#stranger things fic #eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x you #eddie munson fic #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson blurb #eddie munson one shot #eddie munson imagine

[marvelous-maeve]

22“You’re a mess; have you been crying?” and 23“I can tell you’ve been crying.”

billy comforts the reader who is dealing with school stress, maybe even first year of college stress when reader comes back home

(1.0k words) gif is not mine!

You slam the door of your car shut, a quiet sniffle follows the sharp bang of the door. Your recent days had been riddled with bad sleep, road rage and awful gas station food as you made the journey across the country back to Hawkins. You had recently gone away for college, and as the first year came to a grinding halt, it seemed so did your state of mind. You just couldn’t seem to catch a break.

The car jolts again to a sharp stop, slight smoke coming from the hood; “Are you fucking kidding me?! Not again, for Christ’s sake!” This being the second time your car had broken down this journey, clearly, you weren’t in the mood for this. “Such fucking- such bullshit, I swear-” you mumble inaudibly. You lift your head up at the slight smell of diesel, a gas station a couple hundred yards away. “Thank fuck!” you throw your hands up, lock your car and dig your hands in your denim jean pockets, in search of just a few coins. Surely they had to have a payphone, or you could pay to use the phone in the station at the very least. You jog ever so slightly, the payphone just in your eyeline. $1.00 for 4 minutes; you look in your hand, you only have 25 cents in change. Why, oh why did you have to leave your stupid wallet in the car? 

You punch in the numbers you may as well have tattooed on you, as you know them completely off by heart now. It rings. And rings, and rings. Until it goes to voicemail. “Fuck!” You slam the phone back down on the receiver, kicking the wall behind it. Warm tears are now rolling down your face uncontrollably, and you cover your face in embarrassment. 

“Y/N?” a voice calls from behind you. You whip your head around to the figure standing there. The pink and yellow of the setting sun shines on his face: Billy. His face is filled with worry, yet surprise. He knew you were making the journey down, that’s why he was at this shitty gas station, to grab some snacks for you and him for the next few days, then to head to Family Video to rent Sixteen Candles for you again (no matter how much he hated that damn film). 

“Sweetheart, what’re you doing here?” he asks, pulling you towards him gently. He doesn’t even have to say anything, his touch and presence is enough to comfort you for a lifetime. You open your mouth to respond, a whimper and the dried tears fail to reassure him. “I-I’m sorry-” you try to murmur out, soft sobs falling from your lips. 

“Oh sweetheart, c’mere.” he pulls you gently to his chest, one hand gently on your head, the other around your waist. Although you try to contain your sobs, you just can’t. Your sobs are muffled by his jacket, his hands kneading your waist lightly to soothe you. “What happened? Where’s your car?” he pulls away, holding your chin with two fingers, looking into your eyes.

You explain what happened, and he again pulls you close, sighing softly into your hair.  “I’m sorry sweetheart, that’s shitty.” You nod in agreement, not wanting to say anything in case your voice fails you again. “How about this? I’ll drive us home after I’ve got us our snacks, we’ll call a guy to take in your car n’ have a look at it, yeah?” his hands falls from your hair to your neck, he pulls away to look at you, waiting for your response. 

“Yeah?” you whisper.

“Yeah, was on my way to Family Video after, I know how much you love that shitty movie. And I know Max wanted to see it with you too.” His words are now muffled again as his cheek is squished against the top of my head. 

“Can we get pizza too? The one with olives n’ stuff.” you ask, giving your best puppy dog eyes. “And it would be nice to see Stevie and Robin again, haven’t seen them in so long.”

He sighs. Him and Steve will never be friends, but they had an unspoken agreement that they would be civil for you. “Yes, fine we can go see Harrington too.” You squeal in excitement, “But! Not all night, they’re not hogging you again.” you fake frown, a small pout forming on your lips, and small giggles erupt from your chest. 

“You know you love themm!” you sing. You know he doesn’t like Steve, but he does like Robin in some strange way. 

“Yeah, Buckley’s okay. She doesn’t talk too much, or steal you from me.” he grins. “So!” he claps his hands. “What snacks are you feeling tonight?” he smiles at you again, gripping your hand as you both walk towards the sliding doors of the convenience store.

“Definitely Pringles. Oh! And Ben & Jerry’s! Brownie’s so good!” you jog towards said area, pulling him along. He grins widely, not that you can see it. Oh, what this man wouldn’t do for you. He listens intently to your childish babble about what flavor of Ben & Jerry’s is best, and although he absolutely disagrees with your options, he would never tell you that. Your erratic chattering is a huge difference to the soft sobs just a few minutes ago. It makes him realize how much he can lift your mood (and he totally won’t brag about that). The juxtaposition of the two scenes that just played out repeat in his head, and he chuckles softly to himself, grabbing your attention. You turn to him, holding two Ben & Jerry’s tubs in both your hands. “What?” you ask, chuckling lightly too.

“I really love you, you know?” he smiles, it’s one of his really genuine smiles that you love. 

“I know!” you sing. You squeal as he grabs your waist to tickle it. Your laugh rings out in the oddly quiet convenience store, and my God, is that the most beautiful sound he has ever heard.

#billy hargove imagine #billy hargrove angst #billy hargrove fluff #billy hargrove #billy hargrove x reader #stranger things #stranger things 4 #stranger things x reader #stranger things imagine