#he’s trying to keep N happening

[pineapple-frenzy]

Book 2 au: sparring sessions and short hair katara

They like to have sparring sessions in order to keep their bending skills sharp. They allow themselves to go all out and not hold back at all cause they know if anyone got hurt, Katara could just heal them

But anyways, wouldn't it be kinda funny if Zuko accidentally burned Katara's hair tho? Aofkqldkkajfjd

The "I think we can save the hairloops" line is from @linnoya-writes thank you for that!! :>>

#zutara #zuko #katara #atla #book 2 au #my art #i mentioned in my last book 2 au post that i wanted to include short hair katara into it and y'all were so supportive of it!! 😭😭😭 #so this is how i think it would go #it would happen as katara is trying to evade one of zuko's fire balls #she manages to avoid it but since her hair is long it still caught on fire #she'd be pissed so she water whips the hell out of zuko #and then promptly forgets about it akfhkakdkakdj #even after the sparring session she still hasn't remembered cause 'oh no zuko's in pain i have to help him!' #it isn't until zuko even mentions it that she remembers #zuko thinks she's more calm than i thought she would be after burning her hair so he mentions it to her #little did he know katara just forgor aldjlakdkaljd #n e ways zuko does feel bad so she offers to help fix it up for her #i think after the haircut katara would find herself looking in mirrors when there are any around cause 'zuko thinks i'm beautiful?? really? #zuko doesn't know this tho and he thinks katara is till sad about the unwanted haircut so he keeps telling her that she looks beautiful #and katara just keeps losing it aldjlakdlald #in conclusion they are idiots your honor

[juliusbrown]

You mean black ass blacks existed before 1997

Oh my yeah

Black ass black … you know. We all know.

Mister Gregg, a punk ass baby bitch like Stevie may have taken my shot glass but those bitches will rot in hell

Yeah I suggest that any bitch who steals from my dead uncle is a bitch ass baby punk baby bitch

I want my shot glass

I’m serious. I’m seriously considering killing that worthless bitch myself.

Oh he says he’s the bad ass on the block. That’s why he had to steal from me. Apparently bad asses steal?

Steven knows he’s stuck here and fucked for being a sister copycat incest freak.

But you… you don’t get it?

You don’t have to be a bitch ass. You don’t have to steal from women.

You have the option to be a decent and good man, Caleb.

Good men don’t steal and believe me, I’ll have every gangster in this town upset over that glass.

That really hurts my feelings.

And when my feelings are hurt like that… I feel like I need to tell the big guys. And if they kill you, kid … I told you. Don’t steal.

That’s really not cool dude

It’s just … who told you to be a bitch ass?

Bitch asses steal.

#Caleb the baby bitch? #shot glass #integrity #Darren Hayes #powdered sugar records #oh Caleb’s a joker #baby bitches of adams place #you’re one of many #music ha #they don’t care about music #any of the Prince wannabe hoodlums #bourbon #Indian blood #he’s trying to keep N happening #why’s it always white non whites caleb #don’t be a little bitch #probably the only attention he got all day on social media #the the #haha right Caleb #sweet orange that’s wild #damn Daniel #where’s my shot glass Daniel

[nerosdayinanime]

sabito = dirtbike redneck. you cant convince me otherwise

#fratboy sabito posting #sabito #kny sabito #idk #was suddenly hit w the realization that i think him being a countryboy/redneck kinda crazy is *hot* #[head in hands knees on the floor folded in despair] #i know im southern but this wasnt supposed to happen. it wasnt supposed to be this way. what the fuck man. #sabito & giyuu keep makin me Into shit!! what the fuck!! #i wanna draw him doing wheelies and flips off dirt ramps. doughnuts. taking off his helmet n having dumb lil marks from it. #trying and failing to convince giyuu to drive a dirtbike & instead him getting on a 4wheeler #sab & makomo bullying him for being scared of dirtbikes but not the literal Twice As Big 4wheeler #idk. sabito just seems like a biker in general to me. dirtbikes just got the most 'will do bat shit insane stuff for funsies' vibe to em #all of them are a bit crazy but dirtbikes are Scary crazy. bmx bike tricks but it has a fucking MOTOR why are you doing 20ft leaps and flip #off cliffs what the fuck. #i can see sabito being a little deranged when he gets excited. normal when hes chill but as soon as he sees somethn fun all #sense goes out the window. he needs to be child harnessed to keep him from throwing himself off a wall like 'i could totally make that jump #on one hand giyuu gets life experiences and exposure to making new friends- on the other he has to stop sabito from being #the equivalent of a human lemming trying to throw itself into the hands of death at every waking moment #sabito in turn keeps giyuu from being too boring or being a scardy cat abt things. he also learns the art of 'quiet time' and 'how to Chill #honorable mention of my vague raspy voice sabito hc #kinda slight but v obvious when he raises his voice or yells #i think the sabito brainrot is actually overtaking the giyuu brainrot now. oh no #hes fictional²!! none of this shit [motions to my blog] is canon to him #thasa whole 'nother bitch!! i declare this brainrot Unfounded #wont stop me tho. 'm havin fun

[lecliss]

Sakura gets a second point for being the first to complete the tree climbing at being better at chakra control, but at the same time it just feels like she was made good at it so no extra training segment time would have to be put into her getting good at it and it can be all about Sauce and Nart. Idk that feels too pessimistic but also could totally be true.

#she takes on a very 'obsever' role. like kashi is the teacher watching over them. but sock is the watching and commenting from the same #perspective of nart and sauce and also the viewer unlike kashi. cuz he provides a lot of exposition and whatnot in his inner monolgues #and its like. of course the girl is just the observer who watches alongside us as the two main boys grow and develop #AND I DONT WANNA FUCKIN BE PESSIMISTIC ABOUT THIS BUT GOD ITS IMPOSSIBLE!!!! #but her whole character so far is 'i hate the class clown. im book smart. i diet and im in love' #and the way i see it is. 12yo girl TRYING to fit into the femininity she sees in the world around her so she forces herself to be like this #but she has inner sock who speaks what she really feels showing that she puts on quite a front and isnt really much like that at all #and you expect her to grow into wanting her to truly define herself. and she does with getting stronger and training under tsunade and #learning medical ninjutsu so she really finds a spot for herself. she does!!! but then she KEEPS hanging onto the love nonsense #and admittedly there are moments that push a very obvious trope of thinking she likes sauce cuz hes cool but finding out that the real 'gem' #is nart so i definitely understand where n@rus@kus are coming from #but then she just STICKS with sauce until its the worst ship possible and its an utter mess of 'ill never give up on him' #EVEB DESPITE HIM TRYING TO KILL HER!!! THEN THAT FUCKING WORKS OUT!?!?!? #AND TOO THIS DAY SAUCE STILL NEVER COMES OFF LIKE HE ACTUALLY LOVES HER #IM SORRY BUT ITS TRUE. SARD WE ARE GETTING YOU BETTER PARENTS. ON GOD!!!!! #so she just hangs on to this one little thing that she SHOULD have gotten development for to move on from BUT IT NEVER FUCKING HAPPENS #so its like half her development never fucking happens and thats why it #s such a fuckinf mess!!!!! #i fucking hate this show. i need to go back to watching mike's dino game vod. what am i doing here????? #i did this to myself btw. i didnt need to start yelling about that but thats just how it is with nart #start thinking about something good and then it reminds you of something related thats bad and now its like. yeah this shit sucks #remember when kishi said he regretted not making hina the heroine???? we could have lived in a better timeline. #but if i say that i will get assassinated #anyway. #sock count #personal

[aviisick13]

#was talking to a few friends of mine #the idea was that they were messing with him #and he's just so tired because of the minor inconveniences that appears around him and he doesn't know where its coming from #(can i draw anyone else? ill try but my numbnut of a brain keeps bringing either N up or my two ocs) #sjssjkssk #sovenist #sopassistant #gpizza au #nasir amin gpgp #gpgp #oc doodle #m sorry #ik i missed your birthday n #sorry sir it will happen again #i thought i still had time at that time lmao #i blinked and then suddenly its nearing the end of February #time goes by so fast

[sorenlionheart]

i am dangerously close to making my own interpretation of superman

#soren.txt #maws needs to come back before i do something insane #anyways. so what i was thinking of was pulling the same idea maws had #with the main cast being significantly younger #and lois treating her internship like a bootcamp. the idea is so funny to me id kinda love to write it #but then she breaks away from this because of superman. the call to adventure if you will #and clark sorta had a rough time growing up because of his powers #maybe some accident happened which caused him to overcorrect himself so he doesn't use his powers at all #so metropolis is a completely new start for him #BUT during his senior year of highschool is when pa dies #so when he comes to metropolis the trauma is still somewhat raw? especially since he spent the next few years #trying to keep a brave face for the sake of ma because he feels like that's all he really *can* do #he may or may not have some guilt because he feels like he could've prevented it from happening to begin with #i think jimmy would be a nice change of pace for him. grounding him a bit more n all. #while lois is practically begging him to join her. clark is very attached to his safe space with jimmy lol #anyways eventually itd get to the point of clois slowburn and lois building a *platonic* relationship with both clark and supes #because as ive expressed before i kinda wanted stupid love triangle shenanigans and also i love slow burn #and im obsessed with the powers connected to emotions trope that im dialing it up a notch

[kittlyns]

I had yet another long, strenuous day yesterday and didn't finish work until super late and then I couldn't fall asleep until well past 2am cuz I was in so much pain from standing literally all day

#what made it worse was the client I spent most of my day with was a brand new client. and she booked super last minute #so I wasnt mentally prepared for doing a 5 hour color. and her natural hair was already pretty light so I had to foil foil foil. go back. #pull out first couple foils. foil foil foil. go back. pull out the next few. #over and over and over. #and her hair was so fucking long. and so fucking thick. #and after the first hour she wouldn't talk. like I like my silence so I don't fight it much #but every now and then I would try to engage with her. I'd say something and she would straight up ignore me. no acknowledgment. #which makes me feel anxious cuz it's like jesus... does she hate me?? did I piss her off somehow? #even when I finished her hair (it looked fucking amazing no lie. one of my best highlights yet.) she had next to no reaction to it #she was like 'it looks fine. I mean good. it's good.' completely deadpan #I laughed it off and was like yeah it's been a long day girl! but it looks amazinggg on you!! #no response. deep inhale. alright. #whatever tho. #when I did finally get off work I stopped @ bojangles cuz I was lightheaded and hadn't eaten since morning #and when I tell you I almost broke down into tears cuz there were so many people crowding the goddamn pickup area. #and so many bizarre conversations going on. genuinely felt like I was in some form of hell #like my feet hurt. my back hurts. I'm tired. I didn't get the validation I like to have over a 5 hour transformative color. #I'm hungry and there are two elderly women blocking the pickup counter. one is hard of hearing so she keeps yelling HUH??? #and the other only speaks in soft baby whispers. that goes as well as you can imagine. #there's a man behind me grilling an employee abt whether or not he goes to church. he starts witnessing to him #and the employee says 'I've never thought about it like that before' no less than 4 times. #there's a child in front of me playing tiktoks @ full volume. and this is all happening simultaneously. #I really considered just leaving without my food but I knew I needed to eat and didnt have anything at home so I stuck it out #was it worth it? no. bojangles honestly sucks these days but what's a girl gonna do. #got home and tried to pass out but nope. tossed and turned all night. #put on hot n cold patches to try to soothe the pain a little. didn't work cuz one pain would be eased a bit and another pain would take over #blahhhhhh #and now. I get to do it all over again! yippeeeeeee!!!!!!!!

[luxaofhesperides]

hope the president of my uni dies in a fire btw ✌️

#hes resigned already but still here until a replacement comes in #fuck this guy for real #'peaceful protests for palestine are happening on campus so we closed down campus for everyone' #'a gathering and encampment sprung up in a business area only technically part of campus so we yelled at them to leave and when then didnt' #'we just sent a fuck ton of cops armed to the teeth and in riot gear to bombard this small group w tear gas and rubber bullets' #'no significant injuries (to anyone we care abt) though so all is well!' #'we will keep heavily policing this fucking Public Institution and Open Campus for the next two weeks. all cops are allowed to attack #without warning restraint or reason. nothing was done abt the counter protestors who were violent n yelling slurs btw we love free speech!' #hate this man SO much #ran the uni into a fucking budget crisis and cause so many layoffs alrwady and now this shit??? #die in a fucking fire. get the inisde of ur shitty mansion eggs. get run over by 18 cars. #genuinely so enraged im trying to had to be professional at work but i wanna start biting people #fuck this uni and fuck the admin. pres robbins die faster challenge #rambles #sorry this is negative but a lot has happened in the past two days and im so angry

[carmenpeach]

someone tried to cut my hand off in middle school in woodshop for the crime of being visibly autistic and still i pray to our lord in heaven to kill him as hard and quickly as possible

#why do ppl keep trying to kill or cut off my body parts this has happened so much too omg #god loves me the most so im still alive n in one piece ^-^' #like i was a 7th grade very tiny shy autistic girl and he was an 8th grade boy like the ones with muscles for some reason

[bangcakes]

.

#in the past i would have given up but now im like #oh right if i want something..... i gotta go for it and make it happen HDJDJDJDJDJDJ #itd be easier to give up tho LOL. god.... #idk im just................ what if like. nothing even happens n i spejt all this time liking him like that would SUCK. hhhhhhhhh #i should just see if him n my ither friend wanna hang out but im ANXIOUS ABOUT ASKING #BC. GOD. the longer i dont see someone the more im like.... oh they probably didnt even like me that much JDJDJDJD #like this even happens with ppl ive been friends with for 15 years like i am just THAT insecure???? #maybe not insecure.... idk. i think i just.... dont wanna get hurt so i tell myself that ppl dont actually like me. but thats like so dumb. #bc thats like... borrowing grief from the future right????? and like hhhhh god #idk i just like. sometimes its better to have 0 expectations or hopes?????? #idk romance has never worked out for me b4 so why would it this time #tho to be fair this is the first time ive actually like wanted stuff to keep happening. #prev guys ive been like oh god oh no this is so fast #and its like. just them wanting to talk constantly #but now i have this guy that i talk to like. every 1 to 2 weeks LOL GOD #im trying to hang in there #i think its just that its passed 2am #idk idk #im just.............!!!! #and like what if bc im not moving fast enough.... he moves on JDJJDKDKDKDKDMDMMDMD #but then its like.... ok it wasnt meant to be then....?????? #god this is so JDJDJJDJDJDJD #be careful what u wish for bc like. i said i always wanted a friends first slow burn and LMAO....... #hhhh n e way #im also like maybe i jynxed this whole thing by talking about it too much 😭😭😭 #ugh whatever... im so JDJFJFJDMDMMD #personal

[strwbrymlkshake]

Why can't I be satisfied with everything? It needs to be perfect to me and I can't accept anything otherwise :(

#mine #oh boy here we go. guy last post was about has been pretty cool and i got flustered around him a few times #but i feel bad bc. i need m o r e he isnt insane enough he isnt making me go absolutely crazy i want to be satisfied but im NOT im sorry #like its quite honestly the most attention acceptance etc ive gotten but its not ENOUGH he doesnt die whenever i send a selfie #im never satisfied WHY i have unrealistic expectations !!!! i hate my brain killing and violence and death etc #i get crushes on guys who want nothing to do with me but then when one actually wants me its not enough? what is wrong with me #thrill of the chase? i cant accept being loved? what is it brain. christ almighty. im not doing anything like deliberately yandere related #anymore im just being generally incomprehensibly mentally ill 🙄 still trying to find a therapist but idk how on earth ill explain that #ill update this post tomorrow with more insanity but for now i am the sleepy tired #// ok its now 3 days later i dont feel like making another post. i think i was just having a mental illness moment as always #because he does make me insane. hashtag girl. im trying to be the smartest and calculated i have ever been with a relationship in my life #like im thinkin about it so hard bro. the future n shit. how would this relationship go. im so scared ill do something wrong its preventing #me from doing things RIGHT. im sad becaude i flipped out today over even imagining him being upset with me a little #so i was really embarrassed and it put me in a weird mood for the rest of the night but he reassured me he doesnt hate me or want me to die #every one aaalways says theyre different. i can only hope this one is telling the truth. i dont know what ill do if he isnt. #well i need to stop whining about fictional scenarios and focus on the good stuff in reality. i get along with him very well and he #is very niceys to me :3 he doesnt think im fucking insane or stupid for overreacting. i feel very comfortable gossiping and talking w him #every long time blog viewer of mine reading this like ah shit here we go again #but thats what im here for. i guess. just have to keep doing this shit until something good finally happens to me romantically hngh #i feel so strange because i have wanted and yearned for a relationship but now that i actually could have one im like WAIT #I DIDNT THINK ID GET THIS FAR 💀💀💀 bruh. and he doesnt even think im stupid hes respectful to me he checks in on me all the time #like perhaps the only person to ever actually almost match my energy in a romantic sense. there was [redacted] i guess but he didnt love me #he listens to me talk about my problems he doesnt think i complain or overreact too much. all the ridiculous cringe shit i do #he doesnt mind it. its nice to be able to be myself. and im really proud of myself for not rushing into a relationship right away

[albatris]

I have a full day tattoo tomorrow, maybe 8 hours, I'm going to get so much rental car writing done on my phone! (lying)

#best of intentions #but probly I'll be 2 sleepy and out of it lol #gotta get up earleeeeeweey #tomorrow i will be working on the tag on my murderboard titled #Nat Finch had the single most distressing week of his young life so far #<3! #his eyes bleed in front of his mechanic! he has a panic attack in a doctor's waiting room! he has sudden murderous cravings! the #mysterious force that's plaguing his body and altering his organs starts doing freaky agonising shit to his stomach and STOPS as #soon as someone calls an ambulance on nat again and people try to help him then STARTS AGAIN immediately after they leave #like it doesn't want to get fucking found out and is sentient enough to know it's being observed :) #nat is just like #why does the sun hurt make me hurt. what is this new allergic reaction. why is everything so loud all the time. wow these #intrusive thoughts sure are rough. why am i so hungry all the time no matter what i eat. whats with this fucking #perfume i keep smelling on everyone its so annoying it smells delicious and keeps reminding me how hungry i am :((( #whats happening to me :((( #lmao looks like someone didn't read the blurb before they signed on to be protagonist <3 #but yeah lmao he goes to beg his mechanic not to charge him extra but midway through the conversation #he coughs up blood and his eyes start glowing and bleeding and get kinda red and demonic lookin n whatever n #his mechanic is suddenly just like UH ACTUALLY NEVER MIND DONT WORRY ABOUT PAYING HAVE A NICE DAY #aka ''whatever the fuck this guy is i want nothing to do with it'' #n nat is just like #aww that was nice! i dont really get why he did that but I'm not complaining! maybe he just thought i was a bit down and took #pity on me? #<- has no idea he looked like a fucking demon sent straight from hell

[trans-li-ling]

I think we should give Zora a gun and whatever happens to the Shadow Decree happens

#dislyte #Listen I'm going to be honest. I like a lot of shadow Decree characters. But also. #Given the chance I would kill them off in story because of how much I hate them. #Mainly the fact a good chunk of them are like. Okay with child murder? Like hello #The union 100% deserves criticism (hi Luo Yan the cop who got fired bc he thought the law was beneath him what's up w u being here) and #Tiye's story is. Whoooo boy. The union definitely has An Interest In Branding #But again. Orphanage burning was A Thing That Happened #And ofc there's the meta view of like... What are the bad guys ideals? Are they only evil bc they're extreme? And I try 2 keep that in mind #But like the Shadow Decree is kinda... Just full of selfish people. Ofc some ppl are more sympathetic but all of them Are Selfish #Honestly Bonnie is like the only one who stands out to me as like... Yeah the union failed her community and she's rightfully mad #Most of the others lost like. One person either to the union or just thought the shadow Decree would let them get revenge and #It's a case by case thing like some of them probably feel like they have nowhere else to go and that's understandable but the initial #Actions they took were selfish and I feel like dislyte puts too much into making the characters surface level sympathetic (Ophelia) rather #Than grappling with if they view themselves as good people or if they're disappointed in themselves or if they don't care #(forgot to say earlier Jiang Jiuli n Jiang Man r valid in hatred though like the union directly fucked them over and it's understandable #That they fucking hate them so like it's more grey) #(also this is why like... Nicole n Cecilia r some of my faves they don't give a shit they just wanna fuck stuff up and I can respect that) #And Catherine is actually well done because she's full of hatred and even if she has soft moments shes just. Mean as hell! #LYNN I love Lynn but girl you know about the orphanage burning right???? Right??????? #Anyway how well known is the burning of the union? Iirc it was both the HQ and the Orphanage so do ppl only know abt the HQ or both or???? #Anyway the union is flawed but trying unaffiliated espers are similar and the shadow Decree is 90% people who are selfish and toxic and #Really fucking annoying. I fucking hate Ophelia so much you have no idea I want to throw bricks at her. #Anyways Zora is the best character and deserves free therapy and a lifetime supply or tiramisu and a gun #JASPER TRIED TO FUCK W THE UNION WITHOUT JOINING YHE CHILD MURDER ORGINIZATION

[dizzybevvie]

IMPORTANT INFO WHEN I QENT TO ADD YOUR ASK TAG TO THE ASK YOU SENT ME THE FIRST THIBG THAT CAME UP WAS YOR TAG BUT THE SECOND ONE WAS BEVERLIN. MWAH

AHHHHHH DJSDJSBDJSBSJSHHDBDWWKJFVEHRVF HEAD IN HANDS HEAD IN HANDS!!!!!

#THE FACT THAT YOU CAME AND TOLD ME THIS.... SCREAMINGKSBDKSBKDD BD #when i tagged it as beverly tag to keep it I also saw the Beverlin Foreverlin tsg and got a little giddy #THEY MAKE ME SO SAD RHEY MAKE ME SO HAPPY THEY ARE FROLOCKING THROUGH FLOWERS THEY ARE CHILD SOLDIERS UGHHHHHH #eds Erlin isnt gonna show up for another like 60 episodes now ndbskdbsmbddn #GOD THEY MAKE ME SO PROFOUNDLY SAD #thinking abt when Bev kissed that one boy because he reminded him of Erlin and he was afraid for himself and for Erlin and just did it #for comfort but ended up causing so much more stress and when he tells Erlin hes obviously distraught because hes 15 and its the worst #news EVER #n Erlin has always been trying to prove himself to Beverly and and and and he takes it really well but the actual apocalypse is happening #so hes at the end he just leaves and says 'Im not mad at you dude. Its the end of the world.' AHHHHHH HEAD IN HANDS HEAD IN H #but they end up making up and they dance together at the green teen jamboreen and journal together and and and #and theyre best friends and they grew up together and they play arcade games together and and and and and UHHHHHHHHHHHH #this got mildly somber but this is a /pos i adore them they make me so happy #ERLIN TAUGHT HIM HOW TO DO TOUCH HANDS. WHICH HE USES TO BRING ERLIN BACK TO LIFE AND. UHHHHHHH POETRY #WHAT AN HONOUR WHAT AN INJUSTICE ETC ETC #UGH... THANK YOU LMAIFNSKDBNSBDJSBD I HAVE TO KEEP LISTENING NOW I HAVE TO KEEP GOING #faves #THEY MAKE ME SO HAPPY THEY MAKE ME SO SAD THEY ARE BESTIES THEY ARE IN LOVE THEY ARE MY GREATEST ENEMIES #I feel sick oh no not agsin disbdkbsjfvdbdbsns #WHAT HAVE I DONE LMAOBFKSBDJSBBDBSIDVS IVE BROUGHT BACK THE INTEREST NOOOOOOOOO #eddie tag #this is ur fsult /j #naddpod #apollo says stuff #beverly tag

[crossbackpoke-check]

"This extra space next to me belongs to you. I know where I end now. I won't get lost." -- shoot me (metaphorically) and leave me for dead (metaphorically) why won't you. To make this about Dylan and maybe it's about Connor, maybe it's about Brinksy, maybe it's about any journeyman in the NHL. My brain screamed Chris Driedger and his memorable (to me) Players' Tribune article:

And how can you mention Dylan and Zach (Za-ach, the way Dylan says it) without me having a breakdown about them? You simply can't. And for the younger dudes, maybe it's a little Bords/Briss, not yet steady in The Show, a little bit of distance, a summer that tries to erase and make up all the memories they've made separately... and then a blurry insta story in Vegas. Just like old times but somewhere else. Maybe it's not the same bed, maybe it's not the same set of forks, but maybe it's the principle of the thing.

Anyway, goodbye. Sorry for this, your tag walls make me break out in imagined scenarios.

Much love. xxx

please never be sorry for sending me messages <3 i love reading them i love getting them i think they’re beautiful and i love them i’m!!!!! [🥹💕🦋🫧✨💘😭 <- the best approximation of what my heart is doing]

ok NOW i am taking this step by step because every narrative here kicked me straight in the knees (metaphorically) i am w e e p i n g (literally): i knew tangentially about chris driedger going to seattle but i had never read his players’ tribune love letter to seattle & all i can say is oh. oh. and with the part about trains delayed but still being right on time—

sometimes a dream is a truth your heart knows long before you do. the space that the city and the team made for him (“you’d be the only guy on the team”)🗣️🗣️🗣️ !!! but the way that chris talks about needing to put in the work & leo not letting him quit,,, that’s chris filling up the teakettle with twice as much water, crowding one side of the bed (falling asleep against a bus window dreaming), becoming unburdened by the idea of not being their guy, not having the fallback being their draft pick to content and settle himself with. that’s chris betting on a future. that’s the train coming down the tracks, right on time.

(i am feeling unhinged about it)

SECOND. i know i was the one that said zach and dylan to start so technically i brought this on myself but also i have been ktfo by the mere mention of the way that dylan says zach’s name different from everyone else, stealing an extra breath, stealing as much time as he can get with him, which reminded me of a poem i just read:

The Need Is So Great, Jim Moore

^^^dylan still in love with zach even as he’s leaving, can feel himself losing him, and taking every sliver of the love in his smile that he can get. even if he knows zach doesn’t still feel the same way he’s drawing out the long goodbye & saying i love you in a thousand ways without ever saying it out loud (“i have been asking for a time but in ways that have no words” because he doesn’t want to ask too much, to ask for love) in the hope that zach will say it back OKAY I’M LEAVING i can’t do this

that was a lie because THREE. “maybe it’s the principle of the thing” please insert the most ungodly screech how could you just (lovingly) come in straight with the steel chair and bean me upside the head with that l i n e i think this story has the potential for such tragedy in it but also the most tender domestic longing because bords & briss have known each other for a long time (i think) and guys do sometimes lose themselves when they first get to the nhl.

it’s a big scene, you’re with big name guys, you’re finally doing the thing you always dreamed about, you’re no longer necessarily the best because everyone’s the best, you’re not sure how you fit in, you can get lost in the glitz and the glamor of it but you can also literally get lost in it, the slog of the season and getting caught up and down between teams and leagues and endless airports and buses and travel and ice rinks, losing your phone (accidental) and having new people hound you for quotes and fame and connection so you lose your phone (on purpose) and i think where i’m trying to go is: this could play out as the tragedy of borde going to the california coastline and briss shipping off to the vegas strip and both of them getting a little lost.

maybe there’s someone else, maybe i am steadfastly not thinking about “a summer that tries to erase and make up all the memories they've made separately” as either a summer of them pretending things are ok after a year of barely speaking and now being completely different people they never were before OR a summer of them trying to pretend like they can forget about each other because maybe they didn’t think their relationship was the same thing, is all, when they were or weren’t together. maybe it’s nobody’s fault but for the fact that they were scared and tired and lonely trying to make it in the big times and didn’t know how to show it. and then borde shows up with takeout and plastic forks in vegas and it’s december and nothing like winter in ann arbor and still they fill up all the empty spaces in each other with the things they didn’t know they’d miss until they were gone and this is the real thing, not whatever they were trying too hard to be, to recreate their own nostalgia for the love in their memories. it’s the principle of the thing, is all, to always be true to the love they have right now & not what they think it should be.

sorry that i wrote you kind of an essay of an answer but i had so so so many thoughts because your ask was so lovely so thank you for sending it to me (you are always welcome to!! i love your imagined scenarios!!! cannot even explain how much!!!) & thank you for taking the time to read my walls of tags :))) <3

#liv in the replies #every time you send me a message i do the thing where i’ve got heart emojis for thumbs & cease any coherency #FIRSTLY chris driedger who i loved as seattle’s goalie without even knowing the story: #dreidger fourth layer of a dream is making me tear up AGAIN hours later as i try to write this the echl the coast easy come hard to leave & #when he talks about being somebody’s guy laying my head down in the bog & dragging my hands over my face chris who let you say that. who let #u break my HEART i truly don’t think i will ever recover from the inception reference bc that’s what they all talk abt u know? the nhl dream #the players’ tribune articles are often some of the most poetic & touching sports writing & every time i am reminded i lose my shit about it #SECONDLY: #the ever present spectre of dylan’s first boyfriend zach werenski #i have so so so many quotes? drafts? posts? about the thing with saying someone’s name to call them closer to you i say your name to speak #more of you into the world so i will possibly look for some of those to say what i mean but also: this poem was originally reminiscent of #willingly by tess gallagher which is my ajax jack / superbuddies poem & this specifically did go with the a drop of paint / the light has #fallen through you part of it but there’s a part of THIS poem which i did not include that talks about the late light / has already happened #will go on happening forever & that whole poem with this now to say i know it’s embarrassing i’m asking for it :: easy to write about light #like falling asleep on the couch & having to carry yourself up to bed is the dylan/zach heartbreak of this. waiting & waiting for the things #you used to do & the love you used to / were promised to have with the hope that if you keep the coffee ready he’ll come drink it & instead #you have too many cups of tea one yours & one cold then half-warmed over & too sweet for your tastes but you’ve learned to drink it anyway #okAY now third: #this w/the UMICH BOYS? N O I DIDN’T EVEN!!! NOT A THOUGHT IN MY BRAIN!!! & now i can’t stop thinking!!! & i had an entire PLAYLIST already #a ??? while ago before i even truly knew the umich boys Narratives™️ i heard maude latour’s song ‘one more weekend’ & went hahaha isn’t that #a great song for when you have that One Summer of college before everyone splits off into their own lives? isn’t that a fun little umich boy #going into the nhl narrative?? to which i said NO but then it spiraled into a playlist &now there is delightful heartbreak to go with vibes #umich scholars please feel free to correct me if i’m wrong on any points i can’t remember anything presently about anything #also the f a c t that that vegas picture is real and i know exactly what you’re talking about is making me %^•*]+£’ bc how!! is that real!!! #okay ALSO just throwing in brinksy like a casual AHAHA have brainworm for a year (my autocorrect tried to go bringst like angst which. lmao) #connor and dylan… all of my journeymen… we did not touch that because i WILL start yelling about sam gagner and marc staal and #the chrysalis and the caterpillar

[bo0zey]

manic mixed depressive episode on my bday is so fun especially when ur going on 2 days no sleep n have a 12hr shift starting at the asscrack of dawn in 6hrs

#idk if i want to sleep like i do but i don’t i just keep walking in circles n staring off blankly #also bursted into tears for no reason bc i missed my mom and remembered how much i hate my fucking birthday #was in the middle of a borderline argument w my family then just zoned out n glanced at the time and tears welled #6:13??? #then i pretended to go to the bathroom to hide my tears from my dad cuz he would’ve yelled at me if i went to my room w/o saying anything #so there i am crying like a pathetic loser on the toilet trying to suppress n swallow down ugly sobs #and there i am crying in my dumpster fire of a room on the floor #i literally go the entire year without crying abt her but every time december hits i always get into this weird funk #and idk why it’s still happening it’s been 7 years #i think my subconscious mind is influencing my body to release the trauma stored inside it bc i was never allowed to grieve her properly #so now in blips of time leading up to my birthday and the next day of her passing i’m 15 turning 16 again #i wish i didn’t have to work tomorrow so i could go visit her at her grave instead like i never go to the cemetery but i really want to #i guess i can go on her actual death day but i don’t want to go with my dad and brothers i just want to be alone #they don’t understand the feeling of losing your mom and best friend on your 16th bday #they don’t understand what it’s like carrying all this guilt and trauma and holding her hand and feeling her hand go limp at my words #i told her it was okay she could let go i would take care of my brothers and protect them from my father and i would be strong for everyone #meanwhile i’m listening to my dad n my aunt throwing all her clothes in trash bags upstairs #i didn’t even get to pick out what clothes i wanted to keep of hers im so angry my dad refused to let any of us miss her #“i miss mom-‘ ‘she’s dead get over it!’ #i got over it alright but then this time of year rolls around and i’m under it all again #i miss her so much i wonder if she’d be proud of me i wonder what it would be like to feel her hand in mine again #ooos im crying again lol #im so pathetic i’m literally 23 in less than 30 minutes why am i behaving like a crybaby child #23:33 when i was typing that btw n 333 is my angel/life path number lol #i wanna saw my arm off but i won’t #i debated staring an iv on myself instead but i’m too drained i just want lay down n cry lol #pathetic loser crybaby girl can’t function can’t shut up making everyone uncomfortable with her sadnes n tears stupid stupid stupid #drown in them and die nobody here loves you anymore nobody cares you’re the problem always the problem #i can’t remember if my mom loved me or not everyone says she did but i forgot what it feels like #i wish i never told her it was okay to let go i lied to her i said i’d be okay but here i am manic depressive