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#honestly I know it's so easy to be completely hopeless but actually
cruelsister-moved2 · 8 months
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cant tell you how fulfilling and comforting it feels to be in a classroom full of women being lectured by a woman on the work of other women about subjects who are also women like i just got a small taste of what men are experiencing every day of their lives its intoxicating
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luvrrszn · 25 days
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hopeless devotion
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JAMES POTTER x FEM READER
summary you are hopelessly devoted to james potter
warnings angst, fluff, bad writing, idk honestly, probably inaccurate hp facts,...???!/2/21
a/n guys it's actually been SOOOO long since i've written plz go easy on me i've missed writing so much but i've just been awfully busy :( anyways hopefully this won't be a catastrophic piece of writing!!
masterlist
the very day you met james potter, you had your eye set on him.
however, what started out as a friend-crush (you know, when you really really want to be friends with that one kid in your science class), eventually turned into a full-blown crush.
throughout your years in hogwarts, you became good friends with james, eventually becoming one of his best mates. however, as the years went by, you still never managed to muster up enough courage to confess your feelings to james.
so you decided it was enough to just stay by his side.
you were there when he developed a massive crush on lily evans. in fact, you were the one who gave him advice, and you were the one who cheered james up after lily rejected him for the seventh time. you were there throughout it all, even though it broke your heart.
you decided it was better to just stay friends, even if it hurt you to your core, than to be nothing at all.
"i won't be around this weekend. i'm going to hogsmeade with lily. she agreed to something casual." james declared, grinning as he sat down across you.
the thoughts in your head came to a halt. you didn't hear the chatter of the students in the dining hall anymore, completely stunned by james's sudden announcement.
you were swiftly brought out from your trance when sirius starts talking directly into your ear.
"oi, are you going to hogsmeade this weekend?" sirius asks as he sits down on your right, shoving bread in his face as he spoke.
"yeah, i'm going with evan." you reply, focused on reading the mail your beloved owl had brought you. in an attempt to force yourself to get over james, you had agreed to a hogsmeade date with evan, who was your potions partner.
even remus, who was seated on your left, turned to gape at you. sirius spoke incredulously, "rosier? evan rosier, that prick?" they were both shocked at your casual mention of the blonde slytherin boy.
"yes, evan rosier. and don't call him a prick, siri, he's actually quite nice."
“yeah, yeah. before you know it you'll be begging us to get you out of that date." sirius replies before going back to shovelling food into his mouth.
you peek at james, and his face is expressionless, jaw clenched. you can't read his face, but you figure he must be annoyed at something else.
because there's no way he's jealous that you're going on a date with even. right?
the weekend rolls by.
you go to hogsmeade with evan, having drinks and talking at the three broomsticks, buying sweet treats at honeydukes, walking around the area.
as the sun starts to set, you and evan decide to head back to hogwarts. on your walk back, evan's hand brushes against yours, and he takes your hand.
you fail to notice james and lily, walking behind you.
james has his hazel eyes are fixated on your hand resting in even rosier's.
"c'mon, what was that?" james grunts, a hint of annoyance hanging in the air as the two of you enter the gryffindor common room. evan and lily are long gone, even back to his own common room and lily off with her friends.
"what're you on about?" you reply, taking off your coat as you slump into the comfy sofa.
"you and rosier. what's up with that?" james huffs, his annoyance becoming more and more evident with each word he utters.
"there's nothing much, jamie. jus' went out for the day, that's all." you reply, sitting up a little straighter.
"c'mon, just spit it out! were you tryna make me jealous, or what?" he snaps.
you let out a laugh, "make you jealous? how could you say that? after all these years i've been by your side, helped you with lily, even when it broke my heart to. so if i'm finally moving the fuck on, the least you could do is be happy for me!"
shocked by your outburst, you immediately stand up, grab your coat and bolt back to your room. you slam the door behind you, slumping against the door.
you feel the eyes of everyone else in the dormitory on you, but you can't even process it, consumed by the realisation of what you'd just admitted.
for the next few days, you keep your distance from james. partly because you're still embarrassed by your sudden somewhat confession, but mostly because you wanted to stand your ground.
you thought that if he wanted to apologise, he would.
throughout the days that you avoid james, he tries to approach you multiple times. after potions, during lunch, even after his quidditch practice. all times, you manage to find one of your friends nearby, immediately beelining for them.
however, you still talk to remus, sirius and peter. you decided that whatever tension you had with james would remain between the both of you.
"c'mon, you've gotta talk to him. he's been mopey all week. and really grumpy too. and it's aaaaaallllllllll because of you." sirius grumbles, poking your shoulder as he sits down next to you in the common room.
"you're just being dramatic, siri. right?" you reply, turning to remus, hoping that he would tell you otherwise. however, you're disappointed when remus says, "nope. this time, he's actually telling the truth."
"hey!" sirius shouts, indignant.
"you gotta do something, please. he's always pissy." peter chimes in.
you sigh, getting up from your seat, "fine, I'll see what i can do."
you make your way to their dormitory.
you knock on the door softly, before opening it and sticking your head in. james is lying on his bed, back facing the door.
"christ, can you be any louder? get what you need, and get o—" he pauses when he sits up and realises it's you. he falls silent, letting out the softest "oh" you've ever heard.
"hey, what are you doing up here?" he asks softly as you kick off your shoes and sit down at the foot of his bed.
"i wanted to talk to you, if that's okay." you reply, fiddling with the hem of your sweater.
his sweater, actually. he lent it to you a year ago, when you felt cold during lunch. you liked it so much, you never returned it. he never asked for it back either.
for a second, james looks shocked. then he replies, "y-yeah. of course."
"i'm sorry i've been avoiding you lately, i just wasn't ready to talk yet. and i was embarrassed too, y'know. that wasn't exactly how i'd planned on telling you. but anyways, i just want to let you know i don't have any expectations. i think we should just go back to normal, if that's okay with you." you calmly explain, trying to remain composed, even though your heart is beating so fast you think it might actually explode.
an awkward silence falls between the both of you, and you can tell james is trying to collect all his thoughts before he speaks.
he runs his hand through his hair before saying, "christ. i've liked you for the longest time, i still do, but i thought i never had a chance. you were always too cool for me, y'know, and you still are. hearing you admit that you were trying to get over me, it made me so confused. i didn't know if you wanted anything to do with me anymore, let alone like me back. that's why i didn't do anything to try and "win you back". y'know?"
he rubs his arm, looking sheepish as he stares down at his bedsheets.
"i still like you, jamie. do you still like me?" you whisper.
he moves over, taking your face into your hands. he presses his lips onto yours, kissing you harder, and harder, and harder. and boy, do you kiss him back.
when the two of you finally break apart, you're breathless.
"so, is that a yes or a no?" you grin.
"it's a yes, you little twit."
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qprstobin · 10 months
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Stobin Different First Meeting AU where they go to prom together. This was meant to be an au post and turned into a mini fic oops (written completely within a tumblr post so sorry for the poor quality)
(edit: realized I should link the fic I was inspired by for those who don't follow me and so didn't see me reblog it earlier)
Steve doesn't necessarily want to go to prom, right? Like yeah, he'd been imagining it for a while, but now that he was very, very single it just didn't have the same shine that it used to. And he really wasn't ready to start dating yet. However, he didn't want to just, not go to prom, and also knew it would seem really weird (and pretty fucking sad) if he didn't go.
Which leaves him in a conundrum.
He thought for a while that maybe he would go with one of the junior cheerleaders. While he didn't have any close friends anymore, he was still friendly with plenty of people. There were girls that wouldn't be going to prom unless they had a senior boyfriend - some he had even gone on dates with in the past who wouldn't think a single prom date meant that he wanted a new girlfriend.
However, he is pretty sure most of those girls would have... other expectations for the night. And honestly? He isn't quite sure that he was ready to get back on that horse either.
... Not that he thought women were horses.
He's pretty sure men are normally the ones called horses in riding metaphors.
Anyway.
That left him stuck. He couldn't just not go to prom, but also didn't want to wind up trapped on an actual date with someone. So who could he ask?
His solution ended up coming from an odd place.
Robin Buckley was... quite honestly, kind of a weirdo.
She was cute, in an alternative sort of way. She never took any of his shit (he wasn't completely sure she even liked him) but also reluctantly laughed at the snarky shit he said under his breath during their Film History class. And not in the fake giggly way girls did when they were flirting, but didn't actually care about what he was saying, just the way he said it. She actually seemed to think he was funny. Even if that revelation seemed to piss her off.
The only reason he was even in Film History that semester - and therefore, knew who she was - was for the easy A. He got to watch movies in class, and watch movies for homework. He was willing to plow through a couple of shitty essays in exchange for a class that he didn't feel like a complete idiot in.
(Well, he was pretty sure Robin thought he was an idiot about movies, but just because he had trouble remembering the names and shit of characters, didn't mean he couldn't analyze the themes, fuck you very much, Buckley.)
They had gotten assigned a project together early on, and it hadn't been completely terrible. She had quickly taken over doing most of the writing portions, but hadn't thought all of his ideas were terrible. By the end of the project he thought they were even sort of having fun together.
He'd always been one to try his luck, take a little more than he was given. So, after that assignment was over, he started sitting next to her in class, not wanting that easy, if sharp, camaraderie to end. Robin rolled her eyes at him and asked him what he thought he was doing the first time he did it, but she never sent him away.
They ended up chatting more and more during down times, passing notes to each other and sharing sly comments under their breaths during the movies. Steve often had trouble paying attention at school, his mind easily wandering away, and it was almost as bad during most movies, but Robin helped keep him on track.
The class turned into one that was done for the easy grade, a last ditch effort to improve his already hopeless GPA, and became one he actually enjoyed.
The more he thought about it, the more he liked the idea of going to prom with Robin. It made the night seem a little less unbearable.
He thought about making a big deal out of asking her, because he knows that's what girls (and even Nancy) had enjoyed for past dances. He quickly scrapped that idea, however, because not only did he not want to put pressure on her like that, but also she seemed to hate public spectacles like that.
Or at least when aimed at her, they both enjoyed watching drama unfold in the halls a bit too much to say she hated it completely.
So Steve waits until the end of the day, their film class being their last, to pull her into an empty classroom. She follows him without question in a show of trust he didn't realize she had in him. The notion warms him, and for some reason makes it more difficult to get the question out.
"Why do I feel like you're about to try to sell me drugs or something?" Robin asked, raising an eyebrow at him. He squints at her in offense.
"Why is that your first assumption?!"
"I don't know! Why else are you pulling me out of the hallway all secretive like, making sure no one followed us, into an abandoned classroom," she asks, throwing her arms into the air.
"The classroom isn't abandoned, it's the end of the day! Also, who does drug deals on campus, that's just stupid?" He asks rhetorically, before waving one hand through the air, as if trying to erase the current thread of conversation. "That doesn't matter, you're distracting me."
"Well then, get on with it! Some of us have practice we need to get to."
"It's like talking to the kids," he mutters to himself, "Whatever. I wanted to ask - will you go to prom with me?"
That stops Robin up short. There's panic in her eyes now, though Steve isn't sure what exactly put it there. Was his reputation that bad that even band geeks are terrified of getting asked out by him?
"You want to go on a date? With me?" she asks slowly, disbelief coloring her voice, though it doesn't hide her unease.
"No, I want to go to prom with you," he scoffs, "Not go on a date with you."
"That is a date, dingus! The person you go to prom with is literally called your date!"
"Okay, sure, maybe, but I don't actually want to date you," he said, rolling his eyes at her.
Like, okay, he understood his reputation for being... what did she call him last week? A 'huge effing rake'? But that didn't mean that he was trying to date any girl that looked in his direction. A lot of girls looked in his direction. That was too many women, even for him.
Robin relaxes a little at that.
"Then why are you asking me to prom instead of someone you actually want to date?"
"Because!" he says, resisting the urge to flail his hands back at her. "I don't want to date anyone right now. Most people I ask are going to expect all these things from me - they're going to want dinner, and at the very least a kiss at the end of the night if not more, or another date the very next day. Because Steve Harrington is supposed to want those things!" He takes a deep breath and runs a hand through his hair to calm himself. "But right now? I really don't."
"Well then, what does Steve the Hair Harrington actually want?" She had relaxed fully at this point, a smile playing at the corner of her mouth.
"I want to go to prom with someone I consider a friend, someone who makes me laugh," he says after a moment of silence. "I want to dance badly to really corny pop music and drink just enough spiked punch that I don't remember how much I hate wearing any sort of tie. Then I want to go get milkshakes or go see a really trashy midnight horror flick, just because I'm having so much fun I don't want the night to end."
That small smile has grown into a reluctant grin on Robin's face. It makes her eyes shine and her freckles pop. Steve thought that if he was in a better place, if they had met at a different time, he could have fallen in love with her.
But they had met now instead, in some shitty public school elective course, and she was the closest thing he had to a friend that wasn't a snotty middle schooler.
"That sounds... like a lot of fun, actually," she says, mischief sparking on her face. "Who would've known the hidden depths hidden behind all that hair."
"Hey!" he protests half-heartedly, unable to keep a grin of his own off his face. "So what do you say? Wanna go to prom with me?"
"I guess," she sighs, acting like it was such a trial to go to prom with him. Him! But her next words make up for it. "Since we're friends, and all. However, I still expect you to buy me dinner, though you can keep the kiss goodnight to yourself."
Steve can't help the giddy laugh from spilling out of him. For the first time in weeks, he is actually looking forward to prom.
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animezinglife · 5 months
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I think what draws me in and completely captivates me with Once Upon a Broken Heart is the sheer, unapologetic fantasy of it all and the equally unapologetic appeal to the hopeless romantic in so many of us.
I actually find it refreshing that Evangeline is a little naive, but that that naïveté comes from that wish for and willingness to find a happily-ever-after. She IS very much that fairytale heroine who gets tossed into one scenario after another, but there’s always a very genuine (in my opinion) sense of love and hope flooding through her.
She won’t appeal to everyone, but she’s also not the ditzy, helpless protagonist I think some would make her out to be. She’s a believer in love. She’s getting a rather tumultuous crash course in what love is through her misguided deal with Jacks.
It’s not the fairytale romance with a prince or a first love.
It’s not something that ends once she has it.
Happiness is something she constantly has to work for. It takes gambles and risks. It’s messy and not always easy to understand. It’s a double-edged sword. It can both uplift and betray you; warm your heart and break it.
She’s learning. She’s growing. She’s figuring out what she wants; what it means and feels like to fall in love and fight for it.
I love too that Jacks genuinely is a trickster. He’s downright diabolical at times and Evangeline is never naive enough to think she can change that. She holds herself accountable for feeling too much for him or expecting him to act like her friend, husband, or lover. He’s not an easy person to love. He’s very obviously not fully human and can be hard to understand.
Yet she’s genuinely seeing that other, more human side of him when he doesn’t retreat from it. That side that’s capable of love and has fallen in love with her (which the readers can see much more clearly). She’s not misguided in her conflicted feelings. She just keeps moving forward with the directions her life takes her. She still believes in love. She still wants to believe in happily ever afters.
She’s learning that none of those things are easy and that they can constantly evolve.
I think a lot of women regardless of age can probably relate to just how much she’s learning about herself through this all.
I know I can.
Evangeline is a softer kind of heroine. She has a gentler strength and resolve. She doesn’t always make good or smart decisions, but she also doesn’t claim to.
She’s not a complicated protagonist. This isn’t going to win any awards for the most complex, intellectually stimulating, insightful narrative of all time or any esteemed awards in terms of craft.
But honestly? I love Evangeline, and I love these books. She’s kind of the embodiment of optimism and hopeful love, and she refuses to break. She’s kind and caring.
She’s that part of so many of us I think we tend to push aside or bury as we get older and more jaded on love.
A certain quote comes to mind about being old enough to read fairytales again. I think sometimes, that can also mean being gentle and nonjudgmental towards our own hopeless, inner romantics and that wish for something better that somehow keeps us going.
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Note
Hey bestie popping by with a random ask: what have been your favs so far from your old jbl project?
Hi! Thank you for the random ask.
I was actually just working on my monthly breakdown so I was trying to write just a couple of sentences about what I watched this month so this comes at a good time because this month I definitely saw one of my favs.
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The Novelist. I don't know if I can coherently convey my thoughts about it but I'll give it a try. I think there were several factors that made me take so long to watch it. I never read full reviews about it, because although I don't mind spoilers in general, I also like to go into some shows as unbiased as possible. That was not easy. I basically went into it thinking it was depressing and it involved a lot of sex that I wasn't sure where it would land of the consent scale. I don't really remember where I got this idea tbh. Anyway.
Although after hearing people like you, @twig-tea and @bengiyo talk about it in different contexts I was less wary about it for sure. So I went into it with a more open mind, even with reservations. I mean I basically went through the lighter parts of the ojbl list first, so part of me was dreading the rest. I don't mind darker stories, or darker bl's. I have way darker ones coming up on the list. But I always feel like I need to be in the right frame of mind for them. Because I can get too emotionally invested and my moods tends to swing easily.
All this to say, I wasn't expecting a story about two lonely people 'using' each other to fight that loneliness. As I was just writing in my breakdown post, Kijima was such an interesting character to me. Because in the beginning I was just curious about him, like there was something odd about him, his demeanor. And when I realized that he was faking part of it and just using Kuzumi I hated him. So much. But, and I have to give major props to the actor, because in episode 4 when Kuzumi leaves and Kijima in on the table just listening to the record and crumpling the pages, I was gone. I fully saw him for the first time. That man is lonely and hopeless and I felt so much for him in that moment. And that of course lasted through to the end and that smile
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I was practically clapping. Brilliant. It was such a beautiful ending. I felt like the show broke my heart a bit and it was all healed in this moment.
So to recap, not only was this a wonderful surprise that completely obliterated my expectations, but it's so beautiful. Everything is good. The cinematography, the music, the acting, everything was brilliant. So good. So if everyone that reads this has not yet seen for some reason or another I urge you to do it. I still have yet to see the other installments so I can't speak to all of it but this one is so worth it. I honestly can't believe that Kijima has become such an important character to me.
I think before this one, my favourites were for sure the first two I watched. Ai No Kotodama and No Touching at All.
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They were both such great surprises. Let me just quickly look through my notes because my memory might betray me. Oh okay.
Ai no Kotodama I really enjoyed how it was shot and edited. I liked how they used several things to mirror the relationship, the perfume , the stair gazing and the other couple. I felt everything served the story in a really interesting way. I also like that the girl wasn't the usual bl girl and in the end she was actually jealous of their relationship more than in love with either of them. I also really like how the film made me unsure about their relationship almost from the start, because it makes sense in this case. My confusion mirrors Shinya's confusion and fear.
I also really liked No Touching at All's directing. It was really interesting how they used the camera work. For most of the film the couple is usually far away from us, the camera is on the other side of the room or something like that. And it's almost keeping us at a distance. So when the camera finally gets close up, it's during their break up, which I thought was intentional to cause the most emotional impact. Like now you should be invested in this moment because so are they. They are being honest for the first time so there are no more barriers for us because they are being truthful and removing their own. I also think Shima's internal struggle was really well portrayed, I liked the fact that he initiated the break up for self preservation reasons and so Togawa coming back to him at the end is what allows him to trust it. It makes me believe more in their future together.
This got a bit longer than I intended. These three are definitely my favourites but I'm really enjoying this project, even if I don't love everything, I think there's always something positive about all of them. At least the ones I've watched.
Anyway I hope that answers your question. My next one will probably be Mood Indigo and I'll have to look at my list again but I know I have a couple other ones on there still to watch.
Thank you so the question.
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allhappyandgay · 1 year
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Gay mike, autism, and his signature grimace.
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[most images used as examples were taken from @howtobecomeadragon because they were already compiled in this wonderful series for easy access so thank uuu teehee]
The Mike Face. we all know it, we all love it, but do we all understand it? to some degree, yes, but Im going to pull apart it’s insides and look at it under a magnifying glass because it honestly kind of confuses me sometimes—almost like its the wrong facial expression to make 👀—even though it usually works in our favor (gay mike).
The main consistency is that he does it when he doesn’t understand something. but not that he doesn’t actually know what something means, more that he doesn’t understand the logic behind it. and it pisses him off.
This is a very common experience for autistic people, we often get agitated by our lack of understanding and feelings of confusion toward things that nobody else seems to question. or similarly, why everyone else understands something, when you don’t, or can’t, no matter how hard you try.
It can make you feel “othered” or maybe even less than, compared to your peers. everyone is confused sometimes, and everyone gets frustrated from being confused sometimes! but the difference is, when you just can’t seem to grasp the reasoning for things over and over again, and are made to feel bad about it, it can result in the person feeling broken or hopeless (which lucas literally calls him for not getting his metaphor for an opportunity to talk to his ex girlfriend).
honestly it’s probably one of mikes biggest insecurities, he’s ridiculed by his own friends for not understanding simple things that come easy to them, for being oblivious to things, being ‘blind’ to things, constantly.
Mike just so happens to make this face a lot when things having to do with girls come up. especially in s3 when lucas is trying to guide mike in his relationship with el, something he seems to know a lot about and understands easily compared to mike. almost everything lucas says to do, mike just simply doesn’t get. but again, it’s not that he doesn’t understand the words coming out of lucas’s mouth, or how to do the things he’s telling him. he’s confused by his own disinterest and lack of motivation to do what lucas is telling him he needs to do in order fix his relationship with el, in contrast to lucas, who is completely confident in his methods. he doesn’t understand why people would do these things, or why they would actually work.
And I think this also shows just how well he actually knows how to go about these situations in a way that works for him, because he does it flawlessly with will every season.
In s1 we see him do the Mike Face (that’s what i’ll be calling it for consistency) before being presented with anything having to do with girls, he hasn’t even met el yet. this gives us some lore of the expression (lmao), and let’s us see what it really means before attaching it to anything specific (like distaste for women).
Here we see him grimace in response to bullying:
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If we apply what i’ve already said about the expression, he clearly doesn’t understand the bullies’ motive for making fun of them, which reflects his personal values. re: “so? the x-men were weirdos,” and “I think it’s kind of cool. it’s like you have superpowers or something,” etc. which is kind of obvious, most kids who get bullied don’t agree with it, but why have him make this face in response to it rather than anger or fear or something. instead he looks at them like he’s smelling something bad lol. he just looks so confused, like, ‘why? why are you doing this?’
Mike rarely makes fun of his friends. he only judges their motives, reasoning, approaches, plans, and ideas. which also plays into how his understanding of other peoples logic is shown. mike is always the one to make a plan that works, he doesn’t dislike other peoples ideas because he didn’t come up with them, he dislikes them because he can see the flaws in them. mike can create a perfect plan that takes everything into consideration. because he is autistic. 🤭
(btw Im not saying every single person on the spectrum is a fucking genius that can detect every inconsistency in any given situation lol mike is just shown to be good at the devising part of plans in the show, and why have that as one of his strengths if not to show how his brain works, just like other characters having strengths in different areas to show how their brain works)
And I know he’s also just simply upset over the fact they’re getting bullied in the first place, nobody wants to go through that. but it’s the presence of this specific repeated expression that will give us some background for future reference in the different circumstances it shows up in.
So the main things that repeatedly invoke the Mike Face are:
things that go against his principles
attraction to girls
love at first sight
When somebody does anything that goes against your own principles, it’s hard to understand why they would, or could. that’s what makes them principles, they’re things you stand by because you just can’t see it any other way. for example, think of something like premeditated murder. this (most likely) goes against your personal values, which makes it very difficult for you to understand why someone would do it.
The other two are pretty obvious in that they’re things some people simply don’t experience (which says a lot about mike if you know what I mean teehee). as we all know, it can be harder to understand things that we don’t personally experience ourselves. that is the thing that all of these have in common: mike not understanding the reasoning behind them, and his difficulty in accepting it. which is very autistic of him lmao.
Mike is not canonically autistic, but he is very coded, and if we take that—whatever the in-show equivalent to autism is—into consideration, the extent to which mikes confusion surrounding these things goes compared to his friends makes a lot of sense,*which also greatly plays into the disposition of his arc. lucas dustin and will all disagree about things sometimes, but they get over it fairly quickly. mike on the other hand is dramatic and has a hard time letting things go, which is why there is emphasis on him being confused as shit all the time! lmao
Anyway, what that means is there is a purposeful tenaciousness to the things that result in the Mike Face. they’re supposed to stick in your head, the things he doesn’t understand/like/agree with.
This is the reason it’s so obvious that mike was lying in his monologue to el despite the absence of the Mike Face (although, he did look pretty close to it a few times lol), because that would be way too on the nose, literally. instead they have connected the characters recognizable grimace with a motif in the show: love at first sight essentially equating them to each other in your head.
love at first sight? does. not. compute.🤖
We are shown time and time again that mike does not believe you can like or dislike somebody you haven’t known for very long, and so have the writers themselves. these are only two out of like four different examples throughout the show:
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And surprise surprise, the Mike Face.
Now circling back to mikes difficulty understanding lucas’s instructions in s3 pertaining his relationship with el, this clearly belongs in the aforementioned area: attraction to girls.
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There’s a lot of this in s3 as you can see, but it’s definitely present in every season. even 1:
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^mike after reassuring el she’s pretty.
There are so many more instances that Im not going to put here because I don’t have room but that simply proves my point, you don’t need to see them. because it has been so drilled into our subconscious through the association of these two things in the show (and many others), that if you were to visualize mike flat out stating “I like girls,” it’d be really, really weird. because, other than el (supposedly) …since when?
Alright. we all know the phrase ‘friends don’t lie’ lol. this was technically created by mike, so telling the truth between friends was recognized in that moment as one of mikes core principles. if we take that and apply it to moments he’s lied to in the show, the Mike Face will be there as well because we’ve established it as one of the main things he cannot abide.
The only exception to this is when he himself lies, which makes sense because he can understand his own reasoning for it, and validate his lying based on that. but anyone else does it and it’s:
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*What other character is shown to have so many strong opinions on things that other characters just don’t really care much about? It is to contradict what the casual viewer sees and hears, because as we know, a good portion of stranger things fans have mikes character all wrong. either because they trust his actions blindly (ga), or they misconstrue his behavior to their favor (milevens), or both! this was done so that when mike has his character arc in s5, despite what we’ve been shown, it will be clear that the opposite was true all along. the patterns that our subconscious picked up on will become evident.
Im not at all saying there’ll be a big reveal that mike is autistic in s5 lmao, his coding just has a lot to do with his character and gives an explanation (other than the heaps of unrelated evidence that he’s autistic) for why he makes such a big deal out of these things (girls, lying, love at first sight), or has such a strong reaction to them in contrast to other characters. because it needs to be very clear that he disagrees.
Basically what Im saying is mikes autistic traits help in demonstrating his hidden queerness through a single facial expression. lol what a sentence.
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ladytauria · 7 months
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“I’m going to ask you how you are and I would like you to answer me honestly.” chose your ship >:)
i went with jaysteph, 'cause i haven't written for them yet & they've been on my mind lately <3
i hope i wrote steph okay; i'm still feeling out her characterization ^^;
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“So,” Steph says, perching on the arm of the couch like there aren’t two open seats right there in front of her. “Here’s how this is gonna work. I’m gonna ask you how you are, and you’re gonna answer me honestly.”
Jason crosses his arms. “You boss Tim around like this too?”
“Sure do,” she says breezily. “You’ve seen me do it.”
Jason purses his mouth. He isn’t pouting—though the look Steph gives him insinuates she feels otherwise. His arms twitch. He barely stops himself from crossing them over his chest, or slumping back into the couch. All of which would only further her—mistaken—impression.
When he doesn’t say anything else, Steph says, “So… Jason. How are you?”
“Peachy,” he bites.
Steph crosses her wrists and mimics the sound of an incorrect buzzer. “Nuh-uh, buddy, try again.”
“Oh my god,” Jason says. His head falls back against the couch.
“Look, I know emotional constipation is like—our whole thing, but… a little honesty here isn’t going to kill you,” Steph says. “I mean— Do you want me to bring up the B-word? ‘Cause I’ll do it, if it means we can bypass all… this.” She gestures vaguely.
Jason grimaces at the ceiling. “Please tell me the B-word is breakfast. As in, you want breakfast for dinner and will let this go if I agree to make you waffles.”
She doesn’t even dignify that with an answer. Which—yeah. Fair. If Steph wants waffles for dinner, Steph gets waffles for dinner, no bribery required. He’s easy like that. (It’s that thousand-watt smile—the way it leaves him weak at the knees, stomach fluttering. All that romance novel shit he never thought he’d actually have.)
Jason sighs, throwing an arm over his face. He loves that she cares. Really—he does. But he still hates talking about it. Like—okay. Some of it is easy. He can talk about how pissed he is that the Joker is still alive any day of the week. But when you get down to the other shit, the personal shit…
It’s harder. The words stick in his throat, like he’s swallowed a big glob of peanut butter, or like he’s got the worst flu of his life.
But Steph is asking—and. He’s trying to be honest with her. Even about the shit he doesn’t want to talk about.
Also, she’s serious about bringing up Bruce. So. There’s that.
 “How am I?” he repeats, as he picks through the snarled up briar patch growing in his chest. “I’m— not great.” Understatement. He feels like he’s unraveling at the seams, lately. Like, if he isn’t careful, eventually he’s going to unwind completely. “Everything has just been… a lot.” 
Steph slips off the arm of the couch; tucking herself up beside him. He can smell the honey of her body wash; the coconut of her shampoo. It’s nice. Almost as nice as the warmth of her, or the fingers that find his hair, toying gently with his curls.
“A lot?” she repeats, softer now.
“Yeah.” He drops his arm, twisting his torso so he’s curled toward her. He rests his hand on her hip, stroking it with his thumb over her shirt. “I don’t— I can’t point to one thing,” he says quietly. “It’s Bruce, a little bit.” It’s always Bruce, and often more than just ‘a little bit.’ “The city, too. Feels like—like nothing I’m doing, nothing we’re doing is helping. Changing anything. An’ I know that’s not true. I’ve seen the people we’ve helped. But— the bad shit just keeps happening, and. It just. Feels hopeless, sometimes. A lot of the time.” He pauses.
“An’... I’ve been thinking again. About all the stuff I missed out on. An’ I know it’s not too late for all of it, I know I can still— I can go to college. We can make an identity for me, somethin’ I can live in. But, I just. I think about balancing that with everything else, and it just— It’s a lot. I see you do it, and you— Baby, you do it amazingly, and— I want that too, but—”
Steph quiets him with a gentle finger to his mouth. She lays that hand on his chest, tracing the fading graphic on his tee. The other hand stays in his hair. “It is a lot,” she says quietly. “But it’s also nice, to have that break. That connection. Reminds you that all the shit we see isn’t everywhere. It might help.” Her mouth quirks, a little. “And as for B. I’ve hit him once. I’ll do it again, if it’ll make you feel better.”
Jason can’t help his grin. “Only if I can watch.”
Steph winks. “I’ll be watching for opportunities,” she says. Her expression gentles again; and she’s looking at him with an expression so fond that it makes mouth dry up, his eyes sting. “Until then— What do you say we take the night off, yeah? Turn the living room into a blanket fort, order pizza, and watch all those movies we’ve been wanting to see.”
“That—” He has to cut himself off; swallow and start again, when his mouth isn’t desert-dry. “That sounds great, babe.”
She kisses him, brief and fleeting. “Of course it does. I have the best ideas. Now, get moving, Jaybabe. You start on the supports, I’ll call the pizza place. The usual?”
“Yeah,” he agrees, rising to his feet.
He doesn’t know how he got so lucky, but he’s not about to question it. He’ll just have to make sure he never forgets.
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raythekiller · 1 year
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general yandere sfw and nsfw with your new oc pls!! i am already in LUUUUUVVVV
🗒 ❛ SFW And NSFW Headcanons ༉‧₊˚✧
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Featuring: Lane The Lurker
#Notes: I???? DIDNT THINK ANYONE WOULD ACTUALLY REQUEST FOR THEM??? THE SCREAM I JUST SCREAMED
pronouns used: none, gn! reader
˗ˏˋ back to navigation ´ˎ˗
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SFW
First off, they're already a yandere, don't even have to specify. When they're in love, you're literally everything they can think about. They will do anything you ask them to, and I meant anything, but at a price - they want you to be completely dependent on them. Why would you need anyone else? They can provide you with everything you've ever wanted. Definitely the type to hold your waist as you're out together, glaring menacingly through the mask at anyone who tries to talk to you. Speaking of the mask - they don't wear it as often when it's just the two of you. It's their way of "asking" for kisses by giving you easy access.
Hopeless romantic at heart. I'm talking rose bouquets and cute dates and writing songs about you. The type to show up at your house in the middle of the night and throw rocks at your window, Romeo style. Honestly, I thought about talking about their favorite love language, but the answer is just all of them. Showers you in compliments all the time, gets you all the gifts you ever wanted (how do they even know you wanted some of that? You might not wanna know the answer), SUPER touchy, will do all your chores so you can relax for the day, and the list goes on. They're just infatuated with you.
NSFW
Honestly, they're a little bit of a freak. Major sadomasochist, wants either of you to be covered in blood and bruises by the end of it and doesn't really care who it is. Speaking of, knife and blood kink. Just dragging the blade softly on top of the sensitive skin of your stomach, just enough to make you squirm or holding it against your throat as they're pounding into you. Definitely a switch, so if you wanna be the one cutting them up, they'll be happy to oblige. Also, slap their face, they'll just smile up at you with a cocky and satisfied grin.
Super into praise, mostly giving, and also super vocal in general. Just won't shut up about how good you make them feel and how beautiful you are. Definitely a whimperer, and has the prettiest moans, kind of high pitched and loud and shameless. Also, please, for the love of God, scratch their back while they're fucking you, they love that shit. Plus, you just know they're using that tongue piercing to their advantage.
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smartycvnt · 4 months
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Title: Runner Up
Pairing: Barbara Gordon x Reader
Prompt: N/A
Word Count: 717
Ash was about ready to collapse when she got back to her apartment. Just because all the vigilantes in the city seemed to be busy didn't mean that crime stopped. Dick's wedding had taken out the big ones, and in Ash's mind, the most important. Batman and the Robins were cool and all, but Ash knew firsthand how important Barbara was to the city's safety.
She had gone two weeks without her precious Oracle speaking into her ear, and Ash didn't want to do it ever again. Not only was it easier, but it was also far less lonely. Barbara guided her through the dangerous city streets, even going as far as offering a bit of praise here and there. It was nice, even if Ash knew that she'd never be the one that Barbara wanted. Ash felt lucky to even be considered as an option.
"I was beginning to wonder where you were."
"Jesus Christ Babs!" Ash shouted in surprise. Barbara cracked a completely insincere apologetic smile. Ash flopped back onto her couch right next to where Barbara was sitting. "Let yourself in again?"
"It's been a rough night," Barbara said. Ash knew that it couldn't have been easy. Dick had stopped by earlier in the week to personally drop off Barbara's invitation to his wedding. The same wedding that he had planned to have with her one day, before the accident. Kori was hot, and a part of Ash didn't blame him for going for the super cool, space princess, but Barbara was amazing in her own right.
"Did you actually go?" Ash asked. She could see Barbara wearing the dress that Dinah had dropped off. It looked good, even better than Ash had imagined. Barbara had been so afraid that it wouldn't look good, that she's somehow not look perfect.
"I tried to, I really did. Steph and I got ready together, but I couldn't do it. I asked her to drop me off here thinking you'd be back," Barbara let out a heavy sigh. Ash wrapped her arm around Barbara's shoulders to allow the redhead to rest against her shoulder. "Is this how you felt when Dick and I got engaged?"
"Not exactly. I mean, it definitely hurt, but you and me, we've never really been anything before. Even now, I don't know what to call it." Ash kept her eyes off of Barbara, who also seemed incapable of looking at Ash. The two of them sat together on the couch while Ash waited for Barbara to open up a little bit more.
"I should have known that it was too good to be true. Dick, he's always had his path, one that I didn't fit after the accident. I just wish that I had known everything that I'd be losing." This time, Ash did look at Barbara. Her eyes were full of sadness and a hopelessness that Ash didn't recognize. Things didn't have to be that way, but Ash didn't know if Barbara cared to want her anymore.
"You don't have to give up on having a life. The Joker, he took a lot from you, and that's not anybody's fault but his own. Well, maybe Bruce's too, but that's a can of worms for another night. You found your place among your people even with your limitations, and honestly, we'd all be fucked without you. You've saved my skin way more than I'd ever let you know. I love you, whether you're running across rooftops with me or nagging me about my fifth stop to the gas station for coffee and a snack."
"You still love me? After everything I've done, you still love me?" Barbara asked. She couldn't believe it, even as Ash cupped her cheeks and rested their foreheads together.
"Of course I do. Always and forever, that was the deal," Ash mumbled. She sounded sort of nervous, like she was afraid that doubling down would send Barbara running away from her again. "I know you'll never want me like I want you, but you deserve to know that someone out there will always be madly in love with you."
"I don't want to hurt you." Barbara looked troubled as she tried to figure out where she wanted things to go.
"That's a risk that I'm willing to take."
Tag List: @thepalaceofmelanie
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dirtbra1n · 3 months
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shirahama kyouji isn’t convinced that tashiro’s actually seeing into hanzawa senpai’s dreams. bite him. but, okay, sure, whatever. as far as he’s concerned, tashiro doesn’t have to acknowledge this river as a real thing unless he really wants to. or needs to. what-ever.
what does he know. right?
not like he’s been getting calls from tashiro in the dead of night with alarming frequency lately. not like he’s being turned to like some kind of romantic gospel. it feels like a mean prank, honestly. Stop asking me about romance, Tashiro, you punk.
he sighs, holds the door for tashiro, clears his throat. “But, anyway, isn’t this whole thing kind of one-sided? Like, here you are lopping off his limbs or whatever—”
“Hey—”
“—but I don’t hear anything about him cutting into YOU. Aren’t YOU worth digging into? Isn’t he curious about the stuff going on in YOUR brain?”
“…If you’d just stayed in the ping pong club…”
“UGH, never mind.”
honestly speaking, kyouji thinks he’s a really good friend. just on the principle that he’s not just willing to but practiced in the art of grinding support levels. reading between the lines. pushing boundaries a little.
girls might call him delusional. or nosy. kind of pushy, maybe. he doesn’t let it get to him.
tashiro is just the kind of guy who doesn’t even realize that he isn’t letting anyone in, and the kind of guy that other people don’t realize they don’t know much about. and kyouji met him in middle school, and they became friends somehow.
it’s actually really easy to be friends with someone. it’s just a lot of work to be friends about it.
as in, like. kyouji was gaming tashiro’s friendship for at least a couple weeks before tashiro noticed and asked kyouji if he was gaming his friendship, to which he said “No.”
anyway, this is all kind of to say that kyouji hadn’t really realized he’d maxed out his support levels until that first 2:42 am call about death dreams and hanzawa senpai, and he got split between asking about the whole dying thing and confirming that it was, uh.
hanzawa senpai?
tashiro, if asked, would say that he’d definitely mentioned at least once the weird situation he’d gotten into there. kyouji would concede that point, sort of, except he’d argue in response that “weird situation” applies much more to the almost-but-not-quite confession than it does to… dying over and over? in front of you?
kyouji takes to sitting in stairways to mull these things over. he could be in the classroom eating lunch with miyano right now, but he’s a good friend. long-term investments. he is such a good friend.
“Like, really,” he murmurs to himself, worrying his banana milk’s straw between his teeth, “These have to count as your dreams too. Right?” he hears voices drifting down from the hallway and really hopes his isn’t doing the same.
it probably is. talking to the tashiro that exists in his head like a nut. man.
he leans back on his elbows to stare at the ceiling. “Keep talking over and over about how you’re intruding on his dreams and, like, no offense, Tashiro, but,” he sighs through his nose. completely hopeless. a completely hopeless nut. “Man. Your sleep, in your bed, in your head. Those are your dreams, mind link or not.”
he groans. puts the empty carton on the step next to him. tosses an arm over his eyes.
“Willpower, I guess. Maybe. Not that it’s something you have to do, but…”
somebody walks down the stairs, passing him warily. the carton goes skittering.
I guess if you want him to live enough awake and live enough asleep, it’s got to work out eventually.
he moves his arm and opens his eyes a little while later to see tashiro crouching in front of him.
kyouji squints. “I see you finally saw my text.”
tashiro hums evenly. “I was doing the rounds.”
a twinge in his forehead. he turns his head, crosses his arms. “Left here lying on the stairs, all dusty, cramping, just so Mister Popular can go talk to his friends…”
ka-tonk.
kyouji rubs his forehead. “For what’s it’s worth—“
“Not a lot.”
“Shut up. I think Senpai wants to live as much as anyone.”
that gives tashiro pause.
it’s kind of part of the reason kyouji doesn’t end up saying this next part out loud—he doesn’t know hanzawa senpai that well personally, anyway.
I don’t think anyone who wants to die would spend as much energy as he does doing all of… everything…
he doesn’t know hanzawa senpai that well personally, but he also doesn’t say it because…
man, it’s definitely bad luck in his fortune to go thinking about people he knows and bucket lists at the same time.
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kidfoundonstreets · 9 months
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okay uhm the scarf guy and the pigtsail guy from yttd . and charlotte and lime from wh. and uhhhhhhhhh anyone from cinderella game
head in hands HIAAIIEY HYEHEYEH HAII ROBIN <333!!! TAHNKYOU please know the opffer is pen for you anytime.. anywhere.. smooches your forehead okay so i like the pgistial and scarfie scarf guy because theyre so fcuked up ina ll of the ways. i like how they make me wanna throw up and shove my head inside a sewer while inhaling fanfiction of them like toxic gas. that aside the angst and to put it simply fucked up potential in their dynamic is what draws me to them, i enjoy how complex it could be - your abuser could love you but not in all the right ways, it could exist, shin and how they care about one another with the idealistic frankly obsessive posessive view midori has with him as well like the cut scene of him c rying over shin HELLOOO?? anyway theyre silly to me. guy who lives in your house is also your roomammte old friend bestie lover worst person you know etc jerk weird weird satrange weird. i could write a lot more if it was speciifc but im very bad with words sooaoaahahdhwh <3 oh and gore chalrtotoe and lime are also one of my fav dynamics yesss horrible yuri. chalrotte never wnating to give up on lime while lime has al;ready given up for any sort of proper undertsnaidng she craves bwteen them, heyre friends but one wants more while the other doesnt, it doesnt even have to eb romantic it just hurts because charlotte was all by herself or maybe just singled with the others apathy toward semotions so seeing lime full of emotion and passion and pain who could get chalrotte probably also ironically struck a chord in her - and shes always worried for her, like she might go too far, and when she does she just starts crying. thats the good shit. a hoepless ending a hopeless dynamic but they kiss sometimes in my brain to make it worse. perfect. that cinderlelal game ,, ,,,, !! oh god please dont stirke me here IM SO EMABRARSED i dont have any ships in that game so ill go on with that xoxoxoxoxooxox dorpelts one ive been playing ! i really like how with shiloh theres this fake "is this true is this not" with him, you never really know and thats what the fandom loves about him whcih i agree its an addicting type of thang, and even in the end its not completely clear. all we relaly get is that its sure at least that he does value jb at least a ltitle or see her as of value, as she does end up consistnetly vomplimented talked to and by his side through the end. he cant have a verison of hismelf that isnt manipulative, long gone, and you need to accept that. theyre awful divorce. i cant get enough of it. jbs overflowing confidence and shiloh right beside her like a dog with a knife, begging for any sort of scraps because hes a liar. a mnaipualtor. like jeoekr! or kokcichi . ezxcept hes actually good . can you imagine it. ironically hes probably the most untrustworthly one there becausre atleast the others say what theyre thinking. shiloh is a mixed bag and every word has at least a little bit of a truth and lie to it.
ut thats how they like eahcother and its fun interesting we arnet here for a long time we're here for a fun time for nate it givess a bit more of a genuine perspective, im not used to jb being comforitng or nice tbh lol. but its clear that they atleast fiteachother even if jb isnt the nicest one for him - i think shes the only one who can keep up with his intense moods and issues stacked on him and his rough exterior. hes honestly a pretty decent guy if you dont piss him off whcih is easy. closeness issues. commitment issues. nothing is ever stable issues. i get it bro. the thing with all of these dynamics in this game is that they do somehow in a hilariously awful way is complete eachother, i cant say if any of them will end well but its obvious that theres chemistry in all of their interactions and i love love love this game. anyway i also relaly liked how with nate you dont kiss him at all and instead get a hug at the ened, its nice compared to shiloh who just goes along with everything and how jb is pulled to his wants at times (while with shiloh shes the one ofc usually taking all of the lead while hes the jester) - i think it really digs in how much he trusts her to go that extreme and vomit-inducing lengths at the end because he wants their kiss to be perfect qnd it isnt perfect right now. but hes ready to keep going because of this stupid bitch (jb). and i find that super sweet
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fusillisarah · 5 months
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2023 Reading Roundup (44 books, Predominately Romantasy)
I graduated from university and started my big girl job this year, take a look at what I was reading as I passed these milestones! I read FOURTY FOUR books this year and I’m so proud :)
Vampire Academy Series: Richelle Mead
Vampire Academy, Frost Bite, Shadow Kiss, Blood Promise, Spirit Bound, Last Sacrifice
10/10. Comfort books. Love the arc, love the direction. Slow burn mentor/student. Set in modern day. Romantasy.
Dune & Dune: Messiah: Frank Herbert
Dune is a 10/10. Incredibly worldbuilding. Anyone with any interest in sci-fi should read. Messiah went a lot quicker, less complicated and fleshed. 5/10 I didn’t really enjoy it. Maybe I’ll push through one day…
King of Scars Duology: Leigh Bardugo
King of Scars, Rule of Wolves
I love love love Six of Crows, and I didn’t feel like reading Shadow and Bone just yet, so read King of Scars. 7/10 I probably should have read Shadow and Bone but now I probably never will, basically got the gist of it. Didn’t have a lot of background but the story is rly good. Love love love Zoya!!
A Court of Thorns and Roses Series: Sarah J Maas
A Court of Thorns and Roses, a Court of Mist and Fury, a Court of Wrath and Ruin, a Court of Frost and Starlight, a Court of Silver Flames
12/10. Perfect down to the last minute detail. Epic fantasy, worldbuilding that had my jaw on the floor. Must read.
Fourth Wing: Rebecca Yarros
9/10 quick and easy read. Loved the dragons in this one. I’m a sucker for Enemies to Lovers so I basically exactly what i signed up for. Little scared for series though… ahh!
From Blood and Ash Series: Jennifer L. Armentrout
From Blood and Ash, Kingdom of Flesh and Fire, Crown of Gilded Bones, a War of Two Queens, a Soul of Ash and Blood
4/10. First 2 books were really interesting, third one actually totally lost me and in the middle of the fourth I ended up reading all of the Cruel Prince books in the middle of it lol. Determined to not have a DNF this year so I came back, finished it, and read the god-forsaken Soul of Ash and Blood. 0/10 I hated every second of that book. It’s a complete retelling with maybe 2 or 3 chapters that are actually interesting. Yes, I know I read all 5. No, I have no technical regrets. Take that as you will.
The Cruel Prince: Holly Black
The Cruel Prince, the Wicked King, the Queen of Nothing
Good, no spice obvi and super popular but I loved Jude’s character and was obsessed with the politics. Super intriguing I blew through these. 8/10
Verity: Colleen Hoover
6/10, read it in like a day and a half but I don’t rly like thrillers, they scare me lol. It was good tho and my first Colleen Hoover book, not sure if I would read another one but I did really like this one and the ending was super crazy. read it as a palate cleanser after Cruel Prince. I’ve realized if I don’t have a non-high fantasy palate cleanser I fall into a reading slump lol.
Once Upon a Broken Heart Series: Stephanie Garber
Once Upon a Broken Heart, The Ballad of Never After, A Curse for True Love
OUABH is 9/10, honestly such a wonderful book, perfectly captures the hopeless romantic of Eva and allure of Jacks, but TBONA is SHOWSTOPPING!!! 12/10. So amazing, love the storyline, never bored, such good romance it’s the most well written romance I’ve read in a while- screeching halt for ACFTL- I’ve put my thoughts on this blog but it felt so empty compared to the lifeblood in the first 2 books in the series. Definitely worth the read though.
Throne of Glass Series: Sarah J. Maas
Throne of Glass, Crown of Midnight, Heir of Fire, Queen of Shadows, Empire of Storms, Tower of Dawn, Kingdom of Ash
Nothing to be said that’s not already been said. Amazing. I love sprawling epics. Not a ton of romance and tbh I’m not a Rowan girly. Defending Chaol til I die tho. 10/10
Twilight: Stephanie Meyer
6/10. I’ve written about this one but I just felt like it was super juvenile for my tastes, I was expecting to like it more and it was just kinda eh. Needed a little more something something but that is of course a me problem. I just think I am not a big fan of YA anymore.
The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue: V. E. Schwab
Wonderful story, totally lust for life after reading, made me so excited about the ending. I felt like there was so much more to be told which is like exactly how I wanna feel reading a book. 8/10
Divine Rivals: Rebecca Ross
At first I was not rocking with the pacing, I feel like this book could have been a lot longer. But when I finished it I actually was more on board with the speed and it was super sweet. Good found family aspect. 7/10 will for sure be reading the next one.
Plated Prisoner Series: Raven Kennedy
Gild, Glint, Gleam, Glow, Gold
I love love love LOVE these books! Pacing is amazing, you can see exactly how Auren’s trauma affects her character, Malina has gained a fan, just huge fantastic series here. Cannot wait until the last one is out. 10/10
Thanks for reading! Feel free to drop me a book review for 2024! Happy new year everyone!
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paperdoll-hearts · 1 year
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I'm weird, just deal with it - Graham and Liz
“I’m weird, just deal with it.”
The response was a typical Liz response. Either brushing things off or making it into a joke, and the typical thing for Graham was to go along with it. It was the pattern. He followed her lead because he was accustomed to making everyone comfortable. A trait he picked up early in life because at least then people wanted to be around him. The rejection from his own family seeping into this desire to never have a reason for others in his life to be done with him.
“I don’t want to deal with it,” the honesty came out though the confidence did not come with it. He saw the look on her face, an assumption that he was being sarcastic so he continued before she could get her next quip in and he lost the nerve to say what he felt. What he had been feeling for months. “I’m actually really sick of dealing with it. For you just brushing it off and not taking me seriously. Then I just have to say, oh well. Because that is Liz. She doesn’t take things seriously. Nothing really matters. And you know what? For the most part that’s fine. I like how you are. I like that we joke and that at the end of the day no matter how much shit we give each other there is not one second that I don’t feel safe to be completely myself with you.” He knew it went both ways. That there was a freedom that they had in each other. That when everyone else failed to understand them they just got each other. Except he had been questioning that lately.
“But there are sometimes that honestly, you use this whole thing as a crutch. Like an excuse of there not being more to you and that’s bullshit. Because there is more to you than this ‘I don’t care’ attitude and there is more to us too.” He took a shaky breath as his bold words felt so foreign for him to actually say out loud. “Go ahead and make your jokes and act like it’s not true but it is. Me and you… There is something here. And we can keep hiding it with drunk makeouts and moments that we never acknowledge but it’s there and I’m sick of pretending it’s not,” Graham shrugged, a hopelessness in his eyes because there was the feeling that after all this he’d be met with nothing in return. “I’m sick of just being the guy that makes it is easy because I don’t want to spook you. And I don’t think I’m crazy either in saying there is something real here past the jokes and friendship.”
He looked down only because he wasn’t ready to face any rejection until he at least got it all out there. “I’m not asking you to admit you love me or anything like that. To even try and be with me in any way. I just… For just this one time be completely real with me, Liz.” He let his eyes go back to hers, pleading with her for honesty. “Do you feel it?”
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zerozeroren · 2 years
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Yay! OC game! Tony, 🌹,🌏,🍩,🎭
🌹 ROSE - do they like valentines day? have they been confessed to before? have they confessed to anyone before?
Tony, being an absolute hopeless romantic, ADORES Valentine's Day. Can't have enough of it. The hearts and flowers, the pink, the lovey-dovey - he relishes in it shamelessly and wholeheartedly. Sometimes it backfires, though XD
As for being confessed to... Honestly no, he haven't. It was usually him who'd develop a crush and rush a confession, which never ended in a relationship, because he used to have this 'nice guy' problem of inventing a relationship in his head while the person in question had no idea and probably didn't even know he was there. So yeah, he often confessed, but wasn't ever confessed to.
🌏 EARTH - will they give up the world for someone they love? is this decision easy for them?
Again, being a hopeless romantic comes with certain mindsets. He would give up a world for a loved one and wouldn't bat an eye.
🍩 DONUT - favourite sweet treat?
Anything whipped cream+milk chocolate, but especially profiteroles (the type where they're drowning in thick chocolate sauce)
🎭 MASKS - do they act differently around certain people? what's different between the way they act around friends, family, strangers, etc.?
Ohhh this is actually an excellent question concerning Tony specifically, because it's pretty much a cornerstone of his personality. Tony with strangers and Tony with loved ones are basically two different people, for a strange reason. Tony has this quirk of... Idk how to really explain, but when he trusts someone completely and fully, like a romantic partner, a best friend, a family member, he relaxes and turns off his brain? XD once his heart decided "yeah I can trust them!" he completely gives up control of the situation to whomever he trusts, he leaves all decisions to them and costs through, unburdened and unbothered, just being himself, laid back and obedient. Doesn't mean he can't take charge when it's needed, he can, but he doesn't unless the situation absolutely calls for it.
So when Tony is surrounded by strangers, colleagues, teachers etc, he is this serious, tense but aspiring young man, but when he's around his gang, his family or Sophie, he's this absolute goober, easy and goofy, doing his thing.
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tunabesimpin · 2 years
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Thank you for the tag @kalu-luwa !!! I separated my post cause I can see this becoming very long TvT sorry if i shouldnt have!
ORIGINAL POST/ TAG! ^v^
Oc asks! : for Tuna!
😍 What's the most attractive personality trait a partner can have to them?
Being super playful or fun to be around! Basically a good sense of humor and always inviting you to do stuff! This can range from just playing video games together or watching youtube to actually going out to do stuff. Tuna just likes to be included and enjoys light-hearted joking!
🤣 What makes them crack up?
Potty humor, dad jokes, and cut-off jokes. They have old man humor. You show them a video with fart with reverb over someone tripping and they will very likely laugh. The man who got his free tacos only to drop them and video cuts off? HILARIOUS, COMEDY GOLD. Anything with a goofy sound replaced overtop the og noise? PURE GENIUS.
😡 What's one surefire way to make them angry?
Yell at them. Tell them their opinion is wrong, that they don't get a say in things, or they are absolutely gonna do something only because you know they will. This is 100% the most annoying thing for Tuna and they will just isolate/ stop talking to you LOL. If you push more they might snap at you with your most sensitive topics soooo watch your step.
😄 When are they at their happiest?
Listening to their fav music and playing around ^v^! Literally put on any song from their likes playlist while they want to play and they're on cloud 9. No thought only random flips and pacing to the song!
😭 What makes them sad?
Being the second choice/ left out completely- TvT The amount of times this has happened hurts, and usually Tuna finds out just on their own by chance. They'll pretend it doesn't change the friendship/ crush, but they usually just try to back off and not be clingy. This mostly applies when its one of their fav persons.
💋 What are kisses with them like?
Their kisses are either goofy and playful or quick and shy. Tuna loves to show affection, but never knows what's too much, so they play it safe bein a goof ball about it! But in some tender moments and after a lot of reassurance, Tuna will have the courage to give a sweet quick peck and then act like nothing happened behind a tomato red blush.
👻 What scares them?
Invasion of privacy and fear of depth (mostly at cliffs and deep ocean). Tuna can be paranoid on if they're being watched or if someone they don't trust/ know is too close. Cliffs are scary cause Tuna has a problem with depth perception. They still like hiking, but just nothing too steep. As for the ocean, they just really suck at swimming LOLOL. They never learned how to hold their breathe properly and are weak swimming. Also deep water is just really dark and has creatures yet to be discovered and as cool as that is it's also terrifying because Tuna is just a smol lil guy.
❤️‍🔥 What sets their heart aflame?
Include them in things and be physically affectionate. They're a hopeless romantic and will swoon at most acts of kindness. Head pats, back hugs, inviting them to hangout, Tuna is easy to please. Though surprisingly they don't fall often and even when they do you may never know.
🧠 What type of intelligence do they excell at? (Booksmarts, emotional intelligence, etc.)
They don't excel at anything LOL. If anything probably booksmarts? But it's more like jack of all trades, they just sorta logic their way through things and most times it works out for them. Just a lot of luck honestly.
🎂 How do they usually celebrate their birthday?
They get themselves a cake and their fav dinner! They don't really have a party or invite anyone since the incident (no one but their bestie came to their birthday despite inviting all their friends).
👗 What's their fashion sense?
They like comfy clothes! Tuna enjoys many styles and it really just depends if they feel in a certain mood! ^v^ But their most go to is big shorts and big shirt. Oversized clothes are great! Easy to move in and cozy.
❄️ How do they handle the cold?
They are a natural heater! Cold isn't too much a problem except for their piercings... Those metals get really cold so their ears tend to freeze the most! Otherwise Tuna just runs around a bit to warm up. Though they've never experienced weather below 4 Celsius.
and voila! the list is done LOLOL thank you again for the tag! Now no pressure tags! : @moomoomooing @oseathepebble @comingyourlugubriousness and anyone who wants to join in too! ^v^
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meg2md · 2 years
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Finished 5 weeks of L&D, which included 3 straight weeks of nights. Wow, what a trip. I've delivered over 60 babies, done countless cervical exams, reached about 50% foley bulb success rate depending on the dilation and effacement of the cervix, and gotten my AROM technique down. I've also done one cesarean delivery. I started off being a total idiot and became reasonably competent (at least for an intern) by the end.
Thankfully I had a golden weekend this week - my first in about a month. I just started gyne and it's wild because now I'm starting over in terms of competency. And let me tell you, while hysteroscopy is a minor procedure, it's NOT EASY. I'm so clunky. I've only tried about two but I can't get the scope in and focused.
My partner also came to visit this weekend - he left this morning. Turns out the distance is hard for him. Really hard. Like, almost too hard. So we're giving it another go and hoping for the best, but man, turns out nothing is ever guaranteed. It's pretty depressing because the timing on our relationship is just ass. Everything else about it besides the timing/distance is so, so beautiful. Mind-blowingly beautiful. I had such a good time with him this weekend. He makes my heart feel full and happy; he makes me want to improve myself intellectually, emotionally, and physically; and he has helped me get over some of my old scars. I'm trying really hard not to be too depressed and hopeless about it. There's no sense in moping about an outcome I don't know for sure yet, and also why not enjoy the time that I have, even if it's limited? I really want therapy to help me not only navigate this but also my toxic thought patterns. It's nearly impossible with resident hours, though. I mean, we have protected time... but our protected time feels more like "protected time". Lol.
In the meantime I'm trying to really capture that feeling I had when I broke up with my ex - the feeling of being free, of re-inventing myself, of re-defining who I am and how I interact with the world. It's hard when I feel mildly dependent on and sad about not being with my partner, but honestly, how can I truly be in a healthy relationship with someone else when I can't even be in a healthy relationship with myself? At least my mood has leveled out to a normal level of depressed from the horrible chaotic depressed I was when I started nights.
So here I am once again trying to get my feet on the ground. I feel like I start from scratch a lot, but that's just life, ain't it? I bought ten passes to the rock climbing gym and bought a pull-up bar. I've lost a lot of weight recently: five pounds since starting residency and a total of eight pounds since I broke up with my ex back in January. While it's good to be back at my medical school starting weight, I unfortunately have lost a lot of muscle. My goal is to do a pull-up, so I'm going to need to navigate maintaining (or at least controlling) my weight while building this skill. This is a LONG-STANDING goal of mine, and one of my co-interns is interested in it as well. And a lot of my co-residents are into rock climbing, so that will both help with my pull-up dreams and also help me have a life outside of medicine. I'm also trying to rally some people to do trivia this or next week, and I want to hang out for dinner/drinks after work more frequently. Maybe next weekend I'll go to a park or on a hike during my one day off.
This is my first time moving totally on my own to a completely new city with completely new people. It is actually really exciting, once I sort through the terror and depression. It might be a long, long time before I have this experience again (well, at least four years), and I really want to make the most of it. I want to seize this chance and really thrive, carve out my own life, grow into someone I can be proud of.
"You feel like you've been waiting for someone for so long, but that person was you all along."
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