#honestly? seeing it all animated. seeing whats happened im so (woman who knew what was coming still finds herself crying | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fun8869 · 7 months

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So how do I explain myself usually when you think of pegging stories you think of guys fantasising about it not a woman like me and certainly not a young girl like me, im 19 now but this story happened when I was 18. My name is Eve Im short at 5’7 from Manchester, England im naturally a brown haired girl but as I like the gothiclolita style I dye my hair raven black. Im not particularly busty id say my best feature is my bum its usually the thing guys comment on i guess. They say it sticks out a bit.

I guess I like Anime and the goth style art that goes with it i mention this purely cause it kinda explains where i got into this fetish. I discovered hentai comics on the web and i was searching for ones where the girl takes the lead. One of the earliest ones I came across was one called secret plot if you haven't read them its about two horny female teachers having sex with their pupils and one in particular where she makes a pupil suck the tip of his abnormally (it is anime) large penis she teases him a little then licks his ass, she then makes him ejaculate in his own mouth by sticking her fingers in his ass.

At first I was kinda confused but really turned on by what i was seeing. I remember cumming a couple of times to that image. I read the others and later in the same series one of the teachers meets a student who is cross dressing. She then uses a double ended dildo to fuck herself and his ass this was cool to me she was dominating him and doing the fucking i was so used to the idea of the gender norms where the boy has to be the one in charge of the girl if that makes sense.

By this time id had lost my virginity and had a couple of meaningless relationships something felt like it was missing with the boys i was with. My parents were well off enough and had bought me a flat in town so i can attend university without needing to go into student dorms. They did warn me that should they have guests over i might have to let them stay in my spare room which happened occasionally usually my dads work acquaintances but sometimes family too.

Its at this point my cousin Adam comes into the picture. My mother asked if I would mind Adam staying in my flat for his last year of uni as his flatmates had all finished ahead of him by a year and he needed a place to stay. It wasn't a hard choice Adam was a quiet boy always had been but an unaware dreamboat imo. Tall dark athletic he was studying sports psychology. I guess I can honestly admit to being really attracted to him from the off but i knew he was a cousin and that was kinda a barrier.

He was lovely really very quiet but always wanted to know i was safe when i went on nights out and even waited up to make sure i got home ok. He didn't seem to go out himself. By this time I had mostly discovered my fetish and its names I was into light femdom and especially i was into the idea of making guys cum through pegging. I was never into whips, chains and gimp masks i kinda just wanted to gentle fuck a guys ass… I know its complicated to understand and very specific. I had my favourite vids, storys and online groups where people would discuss it all.

What I didn't know is that Adam had inadvertently discovered all this when he used our computer I was really naïve when it came to computers I didn't know about search histories and whatnot so when i left it logged in and Adam took the chance to read his emails he discovered most of what i was into. Credit to him he never mentioned anything to me or anyone else. He told me later he was at first confused about it all thinking it was someone else's computer but once he discovered the reddit account he read about my fantasies and my frustration about finding a partner and that's how it stood until i came home and Adam was drunk, like really drunk.

Adam - Hey Eve you alright!

Eve - Uh… im fine are you ok! You seem drunk?! That's not like you

Adam - Sorry (he always was apologising) I decided I needed a drink to.. Uh relax i guess.. Exams you know..

Eve - Yeah i get it, no need to apologies Adam proves your human

Saying this seemed to upset him a little

Adam - I am human, he smiled, It just im shy. It sucks I never meet friends because of it never mind girls.

This was the most he’d ever spoken about himself I knew i had a chance to dig a little deeper

Eve - Sorry I didn't mean to upset you, why are you so shy,

Adam - *Shrugs* pause sometimes i wish i was like you. Your so outgoing you know what you want and try and take it. Me I gotta hope someone guesses what I want. You know a girl that just gets me.

Eve - You really think I'm like that? I said pouting

Adam - I don't mean it like its a bad thing some guys like their girl to be uh.. Dominant.

Eve - *giggles nervously* Sounds kinky, not entirely wrong I guess but I'm not out to completely dominate a guy I kind of want it to be part of a loving kinda thing.. You know.

Adam - I get you more than you know..

That comment perplexed me slightly i decided he was flirting with me and if im honest i was gonna take a chance on it i stepped up to him really close

Eve- Do you like the idea of me dominating you. I said with my best smouldering smile

He genuinely look scared, up close to his face i could feel his breath on me

Adam- but… were cousins… im not sure

This was not a no i noticed, i was really enjoying this and i had the first frill of knowing I had control

Eve- well.. I said putting my hand on his neck… sometimes its good for cousins to experiment together, it’d be good practice for you eh?

Adam just looked at me for a second mouth slightly open

Adam- are you teasing me

Eve- only slightly

This is when I kissed him for the first time he didn't even try and resist and to my surprise he was a great kisser. When we finally parted I put my finger to his lips and asked

Eve- You ok if I just take charge?

Adam- Yeah you can dominate me..

Eve- I like that thought.

I knew i was gonna give him a blowjob I was pretty good at them and i loved the feeling of controlling his orgasm. I grabbed his hand and lead him to the sofa and sat him in the middle. I stood up and took my top off and my bra, He shyly looked at my naked top half then away then back then up to my eyes It was such a thrill and i could tell i was dripping wet and briefly i thought about straddling him right then and there but I kinda decided to get to that later.

I kneeled down grabbed his gym shorts I tugged them down his cock sprung out and the first thing I noticed wasn't the size it was shaved. I loved it Adam always shaved his body hair due to his athletics course he said he though body hair was kind of gross with all the sweat. I instantly wondered what his ass looked like but again i was gonna show patience. His cock was about 7 inches nothing dramatic but it was thicker than the ones id seen.

Eve- that's one hell of a thick looking cock you have, i love that you shave that too.

Adam was struggling to look at me he was bright red in the face though

I gently blew air over his tip and his balls just to extend the time with him being out in the wind he let out a little moan and his brow furrowed and he leaned back slightly looking at the ceiling and anywhere but at me. I decided this was adorable but i knew he wanted to watch and to be honest the idea if him watching me while he was reluctant turned me on.

Eve- Adam?

Adam - Yeah…

Eve- I expect you to watch me do this ok? Keep your eyes on me as best you can ok…

Adam forced himself to look at me and even gave a imperceptible nod i loved that he was shy but obeying me so i slowly keeping my eye on his at first made my way to his balls i stuck out my tongue and started to flick the bigger of the two then the other i took one into my mouth and gave it a suckle. At this his eyes melted and he involuntarily moaned. I wondered what noises he would make if i went a little lower and licked his asshole but again I restrained myself. I moved to the base of his shaft and licked all the way up to his tip.

Eve- You like?

Adam - God yes

Eve- you want more?

Adam - please (I liked that)

Eve- you want me to suck on it?

Adam- Yes…. m..m...istress (the last bit was said under his breath but i caught it)

I gave the tip a good long lick using my hand to stroke his foreskin back

Eve - Mistress eh? I like that you deserve a reward… Adam Layback and cum when you are ready

Now this is the only time I've ever done this before id, given blowjobs as part of foreplay before but this time i was determined to make him cum in my mouth. I would normally tease and try and make him enjoy it for a while but this time as I sucked the tip into my mouth to gauge the size i was going to show him no mercy. I took his thick cock all the way to the bottom of his shaft I felt it hit the back of my throat about the same time. I felt his head hit the back of the sofa as he reclined back with a moan. I began to bob my head slipping on hand down to one of my nipples which was really turned out then under my skirt to play with myself through my drenched panties. It was great I could feel him pulsing in my throat in no time and holding back his cum. It really took no time and I was sure it wont take long to break his resistance. A naughty part of me wanted to stop just to see his face and maybe see if he would beg but it was to much more tempting to force his ejaculation. And it came with a bit of a muted warning from Adam

Adam - I'm really close.

This made me double my effort and i was rewarded with a load into my mouth which i swallowed with pride. The salty musty taste was enjoyable to me, I licked it all up and enjoyed the fact he looked so spent.

Eve- Ok stay where you are, i said taking off my panties but my long striped socks (black and white) were still on and i kept my skirt on. I smiled at him

Eve- your turn Adam.

As i stepped onto the couch and kneeled over his face he looked at my shaven pussy my only regret was i couldn't see his reaction for my skirt but there was a second and then I felt his face come up to meet my hole he pressed his tongue against it and i bore down trying to get as much in there as possible I was already pretty close from rubbing

Eve - mmmmmhff that's good lick my pussy like a good boy Adam.

He pulled his tongue out and that was momentarily disappointing but he began moved up my slit towards my swollen clit my breath caught at he circled it.

Eve- Hey no teasing it Adam get to it

I felt a breath on me as he clearly smiled at my order and he got stuck into swirling around my clit with his tongue i was close and then he surprised me again as i ground against his face he brought up a finger from underneath to enter me… Adam was good at this within less than a minute i was bucking my hips in an intense orgasm. I climbed off his face smiling my ass off.

Eve- God that was good Adam…?

Adam- You love being dominant, i love it too.

Eve- If only you knew haha you’d probably run a mile

Adam- Eve… uh i need to tell you something. I saw your stuff on the computer the other week there. I mean by accident you left yourself logged in

I looked up at him at first dumbfounded then I kinda needed to know what he knew… I mean he is a member of my family.

Adam- At first i was confused I thought it was maybe someone else's thoughts then i saw your reddit posts. Oh… don't worry “he picked up on my thoughts” I wont tell. I guess im saying I liked what I read.

He was getting redder saying it. I suppose the admission was a big thing for him as big as his discovery was for me.

Eve- All of it?

Adam- I definitely get turned on from being dominated slightly I'm also not into all the super S and M stuff that comes with it but you know the other stuff I wasn't sure at first but the more I looked the more I thought I might be… you know… i guess id need to try it to find out… some guys like it some find it not for them.

There it was the longest amount of words Adam had ever said to me and it mostly a ramble about it maybe possibly wanting to try but stuff. I was delighted.

Eve- but were cousins

Adam- I guess cousins do experiment.

I smiled at him throwing my words back at me, he was right as well. The thought of me fucking Adam and his face begging to cum really sparked in my mind. At this point i noticed he was hard again.

Eve- well lets find out turn over

Adam looked up in askance unsure what I was asking

Eve- get up on all fours and face that way

I removed my skirt I didn't have a strap on but I wanted to roleplay a little. Adam did as he was asked shyly still unsure what i had in mind. I move to stand behind him my skin around my crotch hard up against his ass. I used my hands to feel his skin up his back and back down towards his hips.

Eve- so Adam you want me to try fucking you like this?

As i said this i grabbed his hips an pulled him towards me, again i had no dildo but just the feeling of my flesh slapping against his was a massive turn on for us both.

Adam- yes mistress

Eve- you think you could cum hands free

Adam- I don't know

I pushed and pulled him back and fourth making that slapping noise

Eve- I think when we buy a strapon were gonna have to find out huh?

I gave his ass a spank and i was intending on giving him a rimjob but Adam spoke

Adam- Mistress i bought ahhhh…. Uh…

*Spank*

Eve- Speak up honey

Adam- Butt plugs…. I bought some to try…

This was a welcome revelation as you can imagine i immediately asked where they were and then grabbed his hand and took him to his bedroom to continue this.

Adam- I've not used them yet, I'm not sure how.

Eve- You have lube?

Adam- yeah and pulled out a bottle.

Eve- can i put one in you?

Adam- I guess.

Eve- ok lay down on your front, yeah like that now i want you to spread your cheeks.

Adam went red in the face but did as he was told

Eve- wow you have done a great job getting all the hairs, your asshole is beautiful.

Adam- Th-thanks

I put the plug to one side and the lube. I lowered myself to his cheeks gave them a little kiss to give him the idea of what was gonna happen.

Eve- pucker up big guy

She was amused when Adam tensed his hole and wondered if he had meant to do it or was it just a reaction to the realization but it didn't stop her as she first kissed him directly flush on his shut hole he moaned a little so she tongued around the wrinkly hole.

Eve- relax honey. Let me in

Adam with a clear effort relaxed his sphincter and Eve immediately started to lick around the rim for a bit she could feel Adam squirming under her.

Eve- You like?

Adam- It tickles but I kinda like it.

Eve meantime had grabbed the bottle of lube and the smaller of the plugs. Ok now relax honey lets see how it reacts to this the lube went around his hole first i was a little cold at first but he didn't complain. I pressed the tip up against it

Eve- Any pain and i will back off and try again later just relax.

No such worries it went right in

Eve- well how does it feel

Adam- I can feel it holding me open.. Feels like I could push it out if I wanted…its not sore

Eve- you think we try a bigger one.

Adam- Sure

Eve- Well lets see you push that one out first then

Adam reddened but then she could see it push out his anus

Eve- god Adam your great

Eve- i think this one

Adam looked it was the second biggest

Adam- Sure… if you think… it’ll fit

Eve- I'm sure you can take it honey.

Eve lubed up the bigger plug not sure herself if this would go in but boundaries were to be tested. She began to put the tip in but saw Adam had tensed up.

Eve- Oh relax honey open your ass to me you know you want to.

Adam with an effort of will loosened up and eve began to push it in it went in slowly at first and then past a halfway his ass swallowed the rest.

Adam - ugh! Oh that weird

Eve- told you, you could take it. How's it feel?

Adam - Wider and i feel full? Does that make sense? Its not a bad feeling. When it was halfway in it felt like i needed a poop for a sec but it feels ok.

Eve- cool can you get on all fours for me

Again Adam obeyed I think he was curious about how it would feel himself as he arose his face expression changed and he let out a little gasp.

Eve- You ok big guy?

Adam- yeah for a sec there it felt really like aaaahh. Pressure on a good spot… I guess.

Eve grabbed his cock pleased it was still hard

Eve- wow your rock hard, i heard many boys don't stay erect during this stuff.

Adam- Its weird its meant as a complement but I find it hard to take it

Adam smiled at the last part. Eve began stroking his cock then pulled out the plug slowly Adam gave a jolt when she got it halfway out the pushed it back in and moaned a bit. Eve made a decision.

Eve - turn over big guy

Adam as always did as he was told getting used to the sensations of the big plug inside one on his back Eve gave him a kiss and then moved back down to the plug this time pulling it all out slowly and watching his face whilst she did so. She loved it when his brow furrowed and his jaw opened. She began to suck on the tip of his cock again. Then she grabbed the lube again and put some over two fingers. Adam knew what was about to happen and automatically lifted his legs to allow access. Eve smiled from ear to ear at this.

Eve- Good boy, imma try and find that prostate spot they talk about.

Adam relaxed again to allow her access after a few moments he fingers were in all the way. It was like a funny game of marco polo as she searched. When she touched it she had it and Adam moaned with pleasure at it but it felt just our of reach.

Eve- its there i just cant reach it with my fingers…. Oh well i guess we will need to try something else. Move up the bed a bit.

Adam moved up eve slowly straddled him allowing him to enter her even with him penetrating her she was in charge and he loved it she stopped for a second and put the smaller plug back in. with her back on top it kind felt like he was bearing down on it and then she removed it and put in the bigger one.. That was something else it was the first time he was having the sensation of being fucked occasionally it would touch the spot. Eve grabbed Adams hands and encouraged him to fondle her boobs she raised her hand to her hair and let him go at it she was enjoying it.

Eve- suck on my tits Adam there's a good boy

Adam immediately obliged whilst one hand dropped to her butt he helped her go up and down on his cock he sucked on her red nipples as she moaned with pleasure all the while that plug was doing work on his ass. Adam had to admit this was easily the best sex he had ever had not that he was experienced.

Adam- Eve I'm gonna cum

Eve- Not inside this time…

She stopped got off started to lick his tip whilst jerking off with one hand and without warning she grabbed the plug and began playing with it. Adam came all over her face in what was the biggest orgasm he had ever had. Eve for her part let it cover her mouth and face loving every part of it….

She grabbed a towel and cleaned herself.

Eve- Well how was it.

Adam- I loved it, I wouldn't mind trying it… you know your pegging thing

He blushed the biggest amount he had and could feel his face burning

Eve smiled- Well if were gonna lets do it properly. Would you mind uh… wearing a cage this week.

Adam- I can do it on days and nights I'm not at uni which to be honest isn't much. He was only scheduled 2 lectures that week one of which he was already planning on ditching.

Eve ok I'll buy the strapon and some more plugs. Can you buy the uh… vitamins and things that help men get a massive load…

That conversation was a whole thing for Adam but he bought a few he had looked into the science behind it he never know but apparently there are certain things porn stars take to produce more sperm.

The next day he was caged up. You would think that would be it but Eve was determined to do this right they watched the odd video together eve put buttplugs of different shapes and sizes in him and occasionally teased the hell out of him outside his cage never letting him climax.

By the end of the week Adam was sweaty moody and most importantly desperate to cum.

Adam- Eve… I don't think i can wait much longer… I've been having the odd wet dream nothing and waking up cause of the cage.

Eve- Ok go take a shower I'll get ready.

Adam obeyed quickly glad this was gonna be over when he got back though there were cameras set up (well mobiles on tripods) around the sofa.. This hadn't been discussed but he was kinda ok with the idea so long as their faces were not put on the net. He trusted Eve speaking of she was on her way down the stairs he heard heels which was odd for her but when she came into the room his breath caught she was in a full stocking suspenders with a bustier she had ribbons in her hair and in her hand was the strapon. It was big but he knew compared to the big buttplug he had inside him the day before it would fit no problem.

Adam- you are so beautiful Eve

Eve- Thanks I kinda want to look the part, oh yeah the camera’s I kinda like the idea of recording it for personal viewing later, maybe even put it online if we can figure out censoring our identities or something… I hope you don’t mind.

Adam- I'm ok with it, i trust you

Eve- I should hope so haha now sit on the sofa and lose the towel

Eve took her time starting the camera’s whilst Adam strained against his cage, when she was satisfied she pulled out the key and unlocked him. She instantly gave him a wink and then a long kiss then began kissing down his body by the time she reached his cock it was already more erect than it had ever been. She ignored it entirely focusing her tongue on his balls before giving his tip a tiny lick smiling and winking at the camera all the while. Adam was enjoying the fact she was clearly enjoying being filmed and showing off knowing what she was going to do to him. She then pushed his legs back and smiled.

Ok big guy time to play with the ass of yours a bit, she began by gently lapping at the entrance which brought a moan from Adam. She then stuck her tounge deep inside as deep as she could get. Then came the fingers opening his hole up and spreading it further. The thick lube easing them in.

Eve- So big guy you like it in your ass

Adam- *coyly* Yes mistress

He knew this was for the camera’s too and he really liked it.

Eve- Do you want me to fuck your little hole?

Adam - God yes!

Eve- say it honey

Adam- I want you to fuck my ass mistress

Eve- What with?

Adam- The strapon Mistress

Eve- Oh you mean my girlcock

Adam- Yes mistress your Girlcock!! please ….

Adam was desperate at this point she completely ignored his dick and he wanted to cum, he wanted to please her but he was in desperate need of her attention. It took all Adams willpower not to touch or stroke himself. Eve took away her fingers and slowly put on her harness and blue dildo. She felt a little strange suddenly having a cock but it was a good feeling it. The strap itself was designed to have a some pressure put on to her clit and the harness also had little part that she inserted into herself. This was no problem as by now she was dripping wet the part went in easily. She looked down on her prize and lubed up the cock slowly as he watched on. She knelt before him putting the cock ring around his ballsack and cock which both moves it out the way and increases blood flow to his penis not that he needed it he was drooling with precum it looked amazing to her she then gave his cock a touching gently with her finger just teasing him all the more. Adam moaned at this a moan filled with part despair part ecstasy. Then he felt something touching his entrance it was the girlcock. At this stage he was on the verge of screaming for it he knew he wanted to be fucked and he knew he was going to enjoy it.

Eve- Well big guy I'm not sure who is looking forward to this more, me or you?. Are you ready?

Adam- Please…. Ev… mistress

Eve heard the almost slip and decided to tease just a little longer holding the tip against his anus. The had decided to not use names for the video. She began playing with his balls with her fingers.

Adam- Uh please fuck me…

He said that with such a pleading face and was looking directly into her eyes that Eve knew this was the moment he was quite literally begging for it.

Adam- Ok honey since you asked so nicely i think you have suffered enough and she began to apply pressure to the strapon his ass accepted her cock slowly resisting only a little before going through and almost popping in slowly she passed halfway looking at his face which was a picture she will treasure as he frowned taking it all inside slowly and all it went in and Eve felt her thighs contact his ass. It felt so good Eve had a mini orgasm but she knew she had to wait.

Eve- Wow you took it all big guy I'm so proud of you, how does it feel?

Adam- It feels good mistress it doesn't hurt i feel really full, you can try moving if you want.

Eve slowly moved back pulling it halfway out and then back in whilst Adam moaned then decided to up the anti as she pushed his legs further back as she stood still inside him.

Adam wasn't expecting this change of position but a sudden touch of his spot and he loved it enough to moan loud for the first time he then felt her push in and she was face to face with him and they kissed cutting off his moan. She then started to move a little faster pulling back from his kiss just to constraint on moving she was able to pound together a little, hearing the delightful melody of there skin slapping and Adams moans.

Adam- Oh god yeah.. Fuck me…. Make me cum… please…

Eve knew he was close at this point and was sure if she stroked him he would explode but she also wanted to try another position and maybe even go for the mythical hands free ejaculation. She stopped pulling out.

Eve- Ok Adam time for some proper fucking turn over and spread that ass.

He was eager to obey and in moments he was on his knees hands spreading his cheeks ready to be entered. Eve took her time lining up aiming at where she thought his spot as he called it was. She was rewarded when she got halfway and felt him shudder. Sinking the cock all the way to the hilt she grabbed his hips.

Adam - oh god that spot i think I feel it.

Eve smiled at one of the camera’s

Eve- time to see if i can pound your ass and make you come

A she began taking long deep strokes revelling in the feeling of making him feel pleasure she spanked him a couple of time and then she grabbed both hips and began to pound fast.

Adam - Oh god… fuck…. Me…. I'm gonna cu……..m from my ass….

He erupted and eve could feel the shuddering going on inside his ass through the girlcock it pushed her over the edge and she came. She had enough presence of mind to reach around grab his erupting cock and with a few strokes help it on its way, this set off a new wave or eruptions and Adam was lost in the moment… they both were.

Afterwards Eve asked Adam if he would take the lead and give her a good fuck which he did after a short recovery time first going down on her and even licking her ass as she had done for him. She enjoyed it but wasn't ready for anal herself somewhat ironically he admitted to her he had always wanted to fuck her doggy style thanks to her fantastic ass and she let him. It for Adam and for Eve felt like a opportunity for Adam to reclaim a bit of male pride… we don't know if that's the right term for it but we couldn't come up with something better.

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books-and-catears · 3 years

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I liked the one about a ghost MC it was a really cute idea! I wanted to request something similar, where the MC who has a the appearance of the Japanese slit mouthed woman. She is a regular human and you can decide if she got the scar's from an accident or not, but she always where's a face mask to hide it and eats alone rather then with the brothers. When she's asked why they say "People can't eat when I they see my face." But one day she finally trusts the brothers enough to show her face.

OH MY GOD I KNOW THIS GHOST. If I'm not wrong, this ghost is called the Kuchisake Onna, kuchi meaning mouth.

This is so wholesome I love it. Your asks are so adorable :')

It has been forever since the accident. And yet the scar makes it feel like yesterday. Two scars running up towards your cheeks, making it look like you're constantly smiling. You hated mirrors at this point, without your mask especially.

You hear loud talking from the dining room downstairs as you stare at your meal on your study table. When was the last time you ate a meal with other people?

"What do you mean you won't eat with us MC?" Mammon and Asmo parotted every other day.

"People can't eat when they see my face." You left with that reply, refusing to answer the follow up questions.

Yours was a face only a mother could love, they said. Some screamed, some smiled sympatheticallly, the others nervously scattered away from the last time you tried to eat out by yourself. The restaurant requested you to leave since they were losing customers.

You walk up to the stairway, watching the brothers in their usual chaos. Maybe - just maybe, they won't be repulsed. Surely they've seen more horrifying things than you?

"Um..." You cleared your throat loudly. All of them stopped and looked at you. You usually never showed up until half an hour after meals.

But today you called out to the one of them. "Would you mind eating with me tonight...?"

Lucifer

"Of course I wouldn't mind MC."

He promptly got up with his plate as if he was already prepped for this day. Swiftly follows you into your room.

He sat down across you and began eating normally. "Thank you for inviting me in MC. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Nothing just..." You said untying your mask. "It felt like a good day." The mask fell off your face into your lap.

You paused and stared at Lucifer. He only looked shocked for a split second before a hidden rage clouded beneath his eyes. "Did someone deliberately-"

"No it was an accident. I was getting my teeth fixed when the lights went out and I moved. And something cut through my- well you can see." You explained.

"I see. Well that's quite unfortunate." Lucifer said and began picking at his plate.

You felt uneasy as chewed your food."You can leave if you feel repulsed. I wouldn't force you to-"

"No such thing MC. I was just thinking of consulting Satan and Solomon. Surely they know of spells that can heal your scars if you want them gone." Lucifer replied promptly. "And it's going to take a lot more than scars to scare us demons away."

"Lucifer...thank you." You said quietly.

"If possible I'd like to eat dinner with you from now on, MC. Frankly it's much calmer and it's a relief from my brothers."

After a long time, you laugh without your mask on.

Mammon

"I'll be right there, MC!"

Hurriedly grabs whatever food he has making a mess and jumps to his feet. He is in such a hurry, it's a miracle he didn't drop half of his dinner.

He plops down across the table from you, grinning ear to ear. "Of course you'd choose the Great Mammon to eat with ya!"

You nodded and chuckled, "Of course. But would you choose to eat with me?" Your pulled your mask away from your face.

His eyes went wide and then watery in the same instant. Is he..crying? "I-Im sorry..." You feel horrible so you hurry and tie the mask back up. Mammon grabs your hands and holds them down.

"I'm not crying stupid human! I'm just...you..you must have been in pain..when that happened." He said. "Who did this to you..."

"It's okay it was an accident, Mammon." You try to calm him down.

"Then why do you hide it? It's not even your fault!" Mammon said pouting. You looked down, "People get uncomfortable..."

Mammon shot up from his chair. "WHO DARE MAKE YOU FEEL BAD ABOUT IT? Show me I'll get them all! Noone messes with my human! I'm yer protector ain't I?! You never have to wear that thing around me!"

You blushed as he moved forward and hugged you, burying your face into his shoulder. "Mammon..."

You knew he was the best protector out there.

Leviathan

"I'm coming right away, don't worry MC!"

Stumbles around with his plate at your sudden invitation. His day has come. He is the chosen one.

He struggles to sit down, feeling estatic and nervous at the same time. "I didn't think you'd want to eat with me of all people, MC..."

"After tonight, maybe you'll feel that way about me Levi..." You said, taking off your mask. His face lit up as he let out a loud "Woahhh!"

Thinking he was scared you tried to hide it again before he screamed, "MC you look just like my favourite character from that horror romance anime "I fell for my best friend's scarred smile! That's so cool!"

You blink at him, blushing. What is with him and his oddly specific anime names!? Levi was oblivious to your shock ,going off at his own tangent. "You could pull off the perfect cosplay, come to my room tomorrow I can design it for you and then I'll make my own to go with it and we can go to the next convention-"

"Levi Levi calm down you'll run out of breath!" You couldn't hold in your laughter.

He stared at you awestruck,"So cute...why would you hide that cute face MC?" You shake your head, "Not everyone sees it as cute Levi."

"Well sucks for them to be such stupid normies." Levi blushed and scoffed.

Levi was the best friend everyone deserves and you were glad to have him.

Satan

"I'd be delighted to join you MC."

Was slightly taken aback at first but quickly composes himself and his dinner and follows you. His pace faster than usual.

Pulls out your chair for you like a gentleman and sits down himself. You smile and blush at the action. "So how was your day MC?" He asks like a gentleman, avoiding the elephant in the room, choosing it normalise it. You let the mask fall off your face.

"Oh..." Satan sat up straight, his shoulders stiff, his eyes going wide in anger. "Who dared to-"

"No no no Satan it was an accident!" You had to explain the whole thing for him to calm down. Then he nodded and held out his palm. "May I see how the deep the scar is MC?"

That was new. Noone has wanted to touch your scars before. When you nod, he reaches out and runs his fingers softly across your scars. "Hmm don't worry. They're not too deep. I can have them gone in a matter of days. That is if you'd like to me to."

It's like he knew. As much as you hated that scar, it kind of helped you see people's true intentions. You looked down unsure. Satan held your hand. "It's normal to get attached to scars you have for too long. None of us here will treat you any differently with or without it."

You smiled at him and held one of his fingers playfully. He laughed, his cheeks turning pink. "Ah now that's a smile I'd love to see everyday. May I have dinner with you more often MC?"

"Of course." His words and his presence were always calming to you.

Asmodeus

"I was wondering when you'd ask MC!"

Daintily picks up all of things and paces after you. He was excited but he restrained himself but he didn't want to scare you off.

Sits down close to you, smiling gleefully. He's just happy to be there with you. Grabs something off your plate with a fork and holds it upto your mouth. "MC come here let me feed you!"

It was probably the most nerve wracking to open your mask in front of him. The Avatar of Lust, the most beautiful being in Hell, and you- ugh, what's the point? You've come this far, let's get it over with. You put your mask down, bite off the potato off his fork.

You'd think Asmo would probably gasp and act all dramatic and hysterical. But instead he cupped your face, his eyes filled with worry and tenderness. "MC how long have you had this...?"

"A little over three years." You answered honestly. Asmo looked like he was about to cry. "You've been hiding away your pretty face from people for three years..." Asmo pulled you in a hug. "Noone deserves that. It's too lonely."

"Oh I'd hardly call it pretty-" Before you can even retort, he is glaring and pouting at you, holding your shoulders.

"I think I know beauty a little better than you, MC. And I say you're gorgeous and I'm going to eat with you everyday now." Asmo huffed to which you laughed.

Everyone deserves a hypeman like Asmo in their lives.

Beelzebub

"Oh? Me? Sure MC!"

Is surprised but happily goes along with you with all his food. You know he loves you when he gets midway from eating just to eat in your room.

He sits across, already muching away at his food. "Thank you for asking me to eat with you MC." You nod and tentatively take your mask off, trying not to draw too much attention for it.

Beel looks up shocked, his mouth full of food but he stopped chewing. He involuntarily reaches out to touch you, "Does it hurt MC?"

You shake your head. "It's years old Beel. It's okay. " Beel looks genuinely relieved at that and goes back to eating again. He doesn't seem bothered by it at all after that.

"Say MC will you be free next week? I could use your help in the new workout I'm doing. I need to train particular muscles for the big game they said." He switched to a whole new topic just like that. "Also this means I get to eat with you every day right?"

You felt warm inside. You were more than just your scar and Beel made you feel like that by hardly saying anything at all.

Belphegor

"...me huh? No I wouldn't mind."

Has a smug grin on his face as he gathers up his meal and slowly heads upward with you, making sure his brothers see how you chose him over the others. Cheeky cow.

He sits leaning into you cause he's too lazy to sit up straight. "So what's the special occasion MC? A face reveal?" Wow this one is direct.

He is staring right at you, as you pull off the mask slowly, thinking if it was a bad idea. His eyes grow wide for a split second before his fingers are already near your mouth feeling the scars.

"Deliberate or accident?" He asks. "Accident." You answer. He nods, "Good. I'm too tired today, wouldn't be able to take appropriate revenge." His fingers never leave your face.

"Is that why you keep it covered? You're embarrassed of it?" He asks. You think about it for a while. "I think I accepted it, it just seemed to make people uncomfortable and scared, if I smiled or opened my mouth to eat." You answer.

He smirked. "Then smile more. Let their cowardly selves feel uncomfortable. It's their problem that they can't see how cute your smile is."

That was surprisingly thoughtful. You smiled at him. "Thanks..."

He smirked back, "Also I'm going to be eating here from now on. My brothers annoy me."

He's cheeky but he has a good heart. Smiling never felt so easy.

#obey me headcanons #obey me lucifer #obey me satan #obey me levi #obey me beel #obey me belphie #obey me mammon #obey me asmo #obey me fluff #obey me imagine #obey me game #obey me angst #obey me angst fic

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dreamypqulson · 2 years

Text

— she could never kill a fly (but she could kill her wife)

requested by @goodegrrrl: "Lie to me. I don't care what you say, just lie to me. Make me feel okay again." With Ally🥺💕

summary: you finally found out the real truth of how your girlfriends ex-wife died. now you're afraid of someone who you trusted with your life.

pairing: ally mayfair-richards x reader

word count: 1700

Ally Mayfair-Richards was someone you could always trust. Someone you always felt safe with. She's a woman that you see and public and just know that she could never even hurt a fly. Even yourself who has been living with her for the past two years, dating her and seeing the ups and the downs, knew that she didn't have it in her to hurt absolutely anybody.

You knew what happened in Ally's past; the cult, her wife. You knew all about that before you even started dating her. Still, she insisted that she didn't kill her wife. And you believed her. She never gave you a reason not to.

Until one night you and Ally were cooking dinner together. She was a great chef. You on the other hand could use some practice. So, she was teaching you how to make a simple pasta dish.

"Im going to call Oz down for dinner. Can you just add some spices to the sauce, honey?" she asked, removing her apron.

You just nodded and started searching for the perfect spice while Ally was gone. Honestly, you didn't know how any of them actually tasted so you blindly picked one out of the bunch.

Until your eye caught a bottle that definitely did not contain spice. Rather liquid of some sort.

You picked it up and searched for the label, curious as to what it could be. And then you read it.

Arsenic.

Your body had completely shut down that this moment. Why on earth would she have arsenic? What could she be using that for? Was it to poison...no, she said she would never hurt you.

"He'll be down in a second, i'm letting him finish up his game." You immediately jumped at the voice. Spinning around, you hide your hands that held the arsenic bottle behind your back. Fear was written all over your face and Ally was reading it nice and clear.

She would've thought that she just startled you if you didn't continue to stand there like a scared puppy. "What wrong, sweetheart” she moved closer to you.

"Nothing" you tried to fake a smile but it made the fear on your face look worse. "Y/n...What's behind your back?" she moved slow and cautious because for all she knows, you could have a wild animal behind there.

"Nothing" your words almost got trapped behind the lump in your throat. You had to take a gulp or otherwise, you would've began to panic.

You stood there. Frozen. And so she used that as an advantage to remove your hands from your back. You let her because you felt...stuck.

When she saw what you were holding. Something that she had thought she'd throw away, her heart completely fell to the floor. How could she possibly explain this. Explain this to someone who was the only person who made them feel safe in this big, scary world.

"It's not...-where did you find this?"

"Ally! Why do you have this?" You couldn't fight the tears that started to dance down your face. You felt like you couldn't even move to wipe them away, either.

"Honey, relax" she tried to shush you. Only because she didn't want Oz to be afraid of his mother as well. She wanted to keep this dark secret from him...and you.

"No Ally, how can I relax when you have POSION in the fucking spice rack" she cringed as you voice had most definitely echoed through the house.

You both turned your heads when hearing small footsteps enter the kitchen. Oz stood there, his toy tightly clutched to his chest.

You could feel Ally look over at you as if you would give her something to say. You didn't look back though. "Ozzy, can you take your dinner to your room, honey? Y/n and I just have to discuss something" he nodded and did as told, knowing it must be quite serious if she was letting him eat in his room.

With a plate full of food in his hands, he stopped at the doorway before leaving. The silence in the room for the time being was utterly uncomfortable. Neither you or Ally would speak on this until he was far from hearing. As angry as you were, you wouldn't ruin Ally's relationship with her son.

“Are you and y/n going to break up" he asked sorrily, looking down at the floor. There was a pause. Neither of you had an answer. You didn't know how you could possibly stay with a killer and Ally didn't know how she could make murdering her ex-wife sound not so awful.

But for now, you both had to act like everything was okay, until things were sorted out at least.

"No honey, we're okay" lie "make sure to not get food all over your room, okay?" She tried to distract him from the awful truth that had seemed to work when he walked off.

Another pause as you tightly gripped onto the bottle. And then you felt disgusting for holding it. As if you were holding evidence from a crime scene.

"Listen, I know how you must be feeling but you need to let me explain."

You scoffed and shook your head, some tears shaking off onto your shirt. There had been rumors of Ally being the one to kill her wife. After all, Kai admitted all of his killings except for Ivy. But you never believed that. Because it was Ally and Ally wouldn't do something like that.

"We're you the one who killed Ivy, Ally? Were you?" You said, voice lower than before to take consideration of the child in the house. And you already knew the answer when she didn’t respond to you. She just stood there with tears in her eyes.

"Jesus, Ally" you pinched your nose "Just...just lie to me. I don't care what you say, just lie to me. Make me feel okay again" You said, your eyes fully closed to try and remove yourself from this moment.

"I had to do it, y/n" She put her hand on your shoulder but you flinched and so she immediately retracted it. "Please don't be angry. You have to believe me when I tell you that it was my only choice to keep Oz and I safe."

"Ally, you sound fucking crazy right now. I can't even wrap my head around this. What else are you lying about?"

She bit her lip to try and contain her tears. But it was no use. She'd been called crazy on many occasions but to hear it from you felt completely different. It hurt more although, she couldn't help but believe that she deserved it.

"I kept that from you because I knew how you would react and I don't blame you, y/n. But who knows, the cult shit could've still been going on to this day if I didn't kill her. Hell, I could've been dead right now." You tried to look in her eyes for something that was telling you that she was lying. But all you found was fear and desperation.

She took a step closer to you. You watched her closely, still feeling afraid.

"I would never in million years...kill you. Let alone, hurt you. I know it might be hard to trust and understand but you are the safest you can be with me. You and Oz both" she placed her hand on your cheek and instinctually, you melted into her warm touch.

Your tears rolled onto her hands but she swiftly wiped them away. This love was too strong, you knew it and it scared you.

"I don't know what to say" you said, your watery eyes cautiously meeting hers. "You don't have to say anything. But I don't want you to be scared of me because i'm not like that, y/n. It was an incredibly hard thing to do, as much as she hurt me. I think about it all the time, still to this day."

She pulled you into a hug but you didn't hug her back. You just let her hold you as your tears began to now soak up her sweater. "What if—" you sighed, shaking the thought away and instead, burying your head into the crook of her neck that once gave you comfort. Now you still feared.

"No, tell me baby. Please" she begged, pulling you back to look at her. She look genuine and you hated that because it just made this all the much harder.

"What if something happens between us and you- and you..." Fear was everywhere, everything. The only thing that could stop fear was love. Now, you feared love. You feared this love.

"Baby…" she looked hurt by this but she could blame you for thinking this. "I would never. I would never hurt anyone again. I don't even like to think about that time in my life. You mean so much to me. I only had to kill her to save myself, hell, even save Oz. I know you would never put me in that position anyways."

"Okay" you mumbled.

"Okay?" She questioned, not wanting to be harsh with you and scare you far more than she already has. "I mean okay, I believe you but-"

"-But you're still scared of me..." she sighed, looking down.

"No, Ally no. Of course i'm still a little...unsure, I guess. But-but you're Ally. You're my Ally and as much as this is a crazy situation, i'm finding it hard to be scared of you." She looked back up. "Because clearly my Ally is completely different from the old Ally. And I can understand that it's what you had to do."

A single tear drop feel from the brunettes eye. She gave you a small smile and tucked her bottom lip below her top one. "Thank you. I love you" she said. It felt good that you finally knew. And that you didn't hate her for it. It made her feel better about the whole situation.

"I love you too, Ally."

Taglist: @loverofallthingssarah @goodeday2u @lanawinters-ily @futuremilfcheck @talulahmae @sapphicforsarahh @ahsfan05 @tatelangdonprincess @stayevildarling @isle-of-earle @cordithatgurl @mistysswampmud @billiedeansbitch @billiedeanspearls

message me or send an ask to be added to my taglist!

#sarah paulson #american horror story #ally mayfair richards x reader #ally mayfair richards #sarah paulson x reader #ahs cult #ahs fanfiction #wlw #ahs #wlw fanfic #ratched #oceans 8 #cordelia goode #mildred ratched #billie dean howard #sally mckenna #lana winters #audrey tindall #shelby miller

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jungxk · 3 years

Text

just one (viii)

summary: the only guy on campus who’s track record trumped that of your best friend’s - park jimin - was jeon jungkook. not that that was a problem…until he set his sights on you.

notes: first of all i wanna thank the people who supported me and encouraged me through one of the worst writers blocks of my life. all the messages and comments are the reason why i finally managed to post this. special thanks to @whippedforkook for helping me with the monstrous tagging process as well as giving me so much praise. and also @lonelyending for cheering me on for a literal YEAR bc thats how long i cried over this fic! this story is so special to me. we’re in the home stretch now x

warnings: mentions of illegal drug use and distribution, swearing, brief smut.

genre: drama, romance, humour, college!au

wordcount: 8k

tagging: @cutechim @benz-biarritz @gyukult @bangulin @eatersanonymous @alyssa1926 @skivv1es @a-sucker-for-them-sappy-shit @moonights @jeymuffins @juuneaux @catsukiii @andreaisaac @whatheydontunderstand @sreveles @noruls619 @henryharios @just-a-fuxked-up-kid @befriendswithj @btsbesharam @poemsandpunani @taelha @misosoup-forthesoul @jikooksmut @heart-eyedmf @the-piano-woman @angrysunshine @chaoticpaperfanhoagie @jsungshine @ci-yen @faby-montana @shinypeanutsportshero @jooniestrivia @alucards-s @cynamyngirl @jiminie-angel @myskoova @jkshoneybuns @smokintae @remmykinsff @majinbuwu @jangx2manboongx2 @potatodogs @seul-queen @alpharyth @blenxxxg @plsky @th-singularity @bapbaptothetop @hermiones-enchantment @stomachfilledwithbutterflies @euphorora @supachloe94 @jiminxjimout @ggukkieland @just-another-fic-recs-blog @jalexad

part i // part ii // part iii // part iv // part v // part vi // part vii // part viii // part ix // part x

4 years ago

jimin hated yugyeom.

well, maybe hate was a strong word. he just didn't like talking to him, being around him, hearing his name or interacting with him on any level, social or otherwise. he really tried though, since he was one of jungkook's closest friends and still respectfully referred to him as hyung above all else. and if anything, jimin would always have a soft spot for jungkook, the kid he used to coddle when his own brother wasn't around. but having said that, there wasn't really much basis for not liking yugyeom. it was just a gut feeling jimin couldn't explain, a very subtle callousness about him only jimin could pick up on. for the most part he was just like very other mild mannered boy by day and party animal by night, but jimin still ducks when he sees him enter the library.

"fuck," he hisses under his breath, scooping up his laptop to stride behind a book shelf for good measure. because sometimes, contrary to popular belief, jimin wanted to be alone. he didn't want to make small talk or listen to someone tell him about how well they scored on their last paper or complain about their annoying girlfriend. sometimes jimin wanted to have no thoughts and listen to fleetwood mac as per his human rights. which is why he shoves into the first private study room he sees.

and not an empty one at that. there's a girl inside, sitting cross-legged in her chair at a desk with an array of dried up paint tubes and brushes surrounding open sketchbooks. you don't look annoyed or even that phased, just amused as you give him a once over before going back to painting. "on the run from solji?"

jimin blinks, back still pressed against the door. "huh?" he regards you properly. "i'm sorry, have we met before?"

"not really," you admit with a sheepish smile, which is when jimin suddenly realises that you're...attractive. "solji is in my stats class. you hooked up with her last week at some party and she told me about it."

"oh," jimin takes in your plethora of art supplies. "you don't look like a stem student."

there's a glimmer of something in your eyes, and though you hide it well jimin knows he's struck a nerve. "yeah, i get that a lot."

"it's not solji by the way," jimin clarifies. for some reason. "that i'm hiding from. just a bellend i don't have the energy for right now."

you smile. "it's fine. you don't owe me your life story."

"i do when i'm about to impose on your...study time," jimin peers through the window in the door, wincing when yugyeom enters the hallway. "what would it take for you to let me stay in here for a while?"

you pause for a second. "honestly? just be quiet and leave me alone. is that okay?"

jimin perks up, a weight leaving his chest. "perfect, actually."

[jungkook 11:42pm]: why does it say wings on it

[jungkook 11:42pm] where is it flying

[you: 11:43pm] ffs kook

[you: 11:44pm] im still on the toilet can u just hurry up

[you 11:44pm] grab some tampons too pls

[jungkook 11:46pm] fine what size pussy do u wear

[you 11:46pm] i hate u

[jungkook 11:53pm] ???? ? ? well? ????

[you 11:54pm] REGULAR

jungkook giggles at his phone, already having left the women's sanitary aisle to grab some chocolate. months later and teasing you was still bundles of fun. he knew for a fact that you were sat there with that angry pout on your face, nose crinkled. he had never bought anything like this before, but jungkook had enough brain cells to know that chocolate was another necessity for that time of the month. after grabbing a large hazelnut bar, he pauses beside the oreos before grabbing a packet of those too. just for good measure. he strides to the self checkout - because even he wasn't man enough for the cashier yet - nearly dropping his array of sanitary products and confectionary when somebody calls out his name from behind the queue.

"kook!" the voice is unmistakably yugyeom's, confirmed by the hand that clamps jungkook over the shoulder and swivels him round before he could think about hiding his socially compromising shopping items. it takes a second for yugyeom to notice, doing a double take at the pads atop his small tower of goods. he holds back a laugh, balancing a bottle of gin in one hand while he waves back at some friends to continue. they were clearly making their pit stop before a night out, probably pre's if they still start as late as jungkook remembers. with his hair styled and expensive cologne lingering, jungkook almost forgets he probably looks unrecognisable in his sweats and cotton-fresh hoodie. friday nights weren't for cuddling. still, yugyeom's smile is welcoming and familiar. "got the munchies? and maybe also a uterus?"

"shut up," jungkook grumbles, averting his eyes. he shifts to his other foot uncomfortably. "my friend just needed a favour, that's all."

"uh huh," yugyeom gives him a teasing look. "is this friend the reason why i barely saw you at jin's the other week?"

jungkook blinks back at him. "wait, you were at that party? i had no idea!" a boyish smile breaks over his face. "why didn't you call me? i haven't seen you since-"

"minseok-hyung's new years eve party," yugyeom throws his head back with a laugh. "remember how we ended up on a boat after the ball dropped and-"

"spent all of new years day detained by the coast guard!" jungkook finishes with a mischievous cackle of his own, nearly dropping the tampons in the process. "fuck, that was so much fun! we need to meet up again, i haven't been out with the guys in so long."

"well no wonder," he quips a brow at jungkook's shopping again. "word got out you're a family man but i didn't believe it. until now, that is."

jungkook's smile falls. "what do you mean?"

yugyeom looks at him for a second, confused by jungkook's surprise. yugyeom was never quite as diplomatic as namjoon or yoongi, to put it lightly. and definitely nowhere near as accomodating as jimin. which is why his next words make jungkook's back stiffen. "bro, look at yourself. you got dairy milk in one hand and tampax in the other. on a friday night. the next time i see you i wouldn't be shocked if you had a baby buggy and a mortgage." still, yugyeom throws him an apologetic look. like a mouse caught in a trap. "face it, kook. you're old news."

"what? that's not true," his brows furrow unhappily. "i don't know what you're talking about. it's not like she's my..."

he can't say the word, but it hangs between them like a dead weight.

"yeah, right," the condescending look on yugyeom's face was starting to agitate him. "you totally blanked us at jin's after she showed up. not even just jin's..." he thinks twice about holding his tongue, but as always, decides against it. "i don't know you, jungkook. whoever this new jungkook is. it's been months. you used to hit us up and be independent and spontaneous and wild and now you're just...someone's boyfriend.

"stop fucking saying that," jungkook snaps, all visible signs of friendliness gone.

"why?" a beat. "do you even use a wrap with her anymore?"

jungkook splutters, heat rushing to his ears and hands in a stinging combination of anger and embarrassment. "how is that any of your business? the fuck are you asking me something like that, as if you-"

"thought so," yugyeom looks away from him with a sigh. if anything, yugyeom knew never to overstay his welcome but that clearly backfired tonight. "whatever, jungkook," he looks over his shoulder at him. "guess you're the last one to find out you're officially married."

"you're ridiculous," jungkook scoffs. "all this over condoms? grow up, yugyeom."

"only couples do it raw," yugyeom turns away from him, alcohol in tow as he waves a hand over his shoulder to join his friends like jungkook was nothing but a lost cause. "you would remember that if you still had game."

jungkook stands there, dumbfounded while the group of boys exit the store noisily but he can't hear a thing. the siren that had been itching the back of his mind all this time was suddenly there at full force, right between his eyes. the glaring truth that yugyeom might be right makes his knees buckle. all those rules jungkook once had, all those measures he kept in place to protect his liberty, to prevent this very occurence - where were they? what happened to them? as the sweet and accommodating counterpart to jimin, why had you never complied? though, the blame wasn't on your hands alone. he got complacent, comfortable. lenient. and now without even realising he was here, a scene from a romcom in the middle of the night, with nothing to say for himself but fuck. the realisations wouldn't stop racing, one after another on the conveyer belt of his anxiety.

the photos on his phone; mostly you. time spent, usually with you. the portfolio for his latest photography module also had some resemblance to your interests. charcoal pencils, night drives, orchids. like the ones you always drew on any scrap of paper lying around. now that he thinks about it, he's seen nothing but your orchids for months. and not just that - you wore his clothes sometimes too. his bathroom had your toothbrush, contraceptive pills and coconut shampoo. his closest friends, his hyungs...not one of them was devoid of affection for you. he wasn't even confident that if the choice was presented, they would still pick him over you.

by the time jungkook finishes paying and practically sprints to his truck in a daze, he can hardly keep himself from shaking. he palms the wheel compulsively, he could feel the sweat in his sideburns, hoodie suddenly suffocating him. it smelled of you.

and then, like a final curtain call: was he just your latest fixer-upper project? some good girl wet dream to play out in the wake of your emotionally traumatic past? a slap in the face to seokjin, maybe, and nothing more? when you were done, when he was out of your system, when you knew his taste by heart and had nothing new left to try - would you stay? did you even know how to?

did he?

jungkook starts the engine. he drives to your door, drops your bag of snacks and pads on the porch, and texts you before leaving. he does not go inside.

"you sure you'll be okay with just the boys?"

you scoff at seulgi when she pins you with a worrying look, taking some of her clothes out of her bag to re-fold them just so you had something to do with your hands. jisoo had already left for the long weekend with her family, so there was no one there to fill up the empty space between your awakward reply. you didn't know how to tell the girls that jungkook hadn't contacted you in nearly a month. and even though he was a notable flight risk from the beginning, you couldn't help but feel like there was hostility there. every now and again he'd at least send a nude or have a quick phone call when he was drunk or high at three in the morning, but you hadn't heard a peep from him. you couldn't stand the idea of someone you cared about harbouring comtempt for you, but the fear of reaching out and somehow making the situation worse outweighed it tenfold.

you look up to see seulgi still staring at you with concern. "of course i'll be fine! they're boys, not piranhas."

"at least piranhas contribute our ecosystem. boys just cause problems for the hell of it," seulgi lays a hand on the crown of your head like a berating big sister, swivelling you to look at her in your fit of giggles. the urge to nestle you under blankets like a baby bird made her chest heave, and you could tell. "i'm serious. if jimin tries anything, call me immediately okay?"

"jimin?" you snort. "out of a room full of delinquents, my ex, and taehyung, you're worried about jimin of all people?"

seulgi wrinkles her nose. "god, when you say it like that its like i'm throwing you to the dogs." she pauses. "something's up with jimin. i don't know what it is, but he's...off."

you tilt your head innocently, remembering the brief interaction you had with hobi at seokjin's party. you had been so caught up in jungkook - or lack thereof - you hadn't thought to press him about it afterwards. in truth, jimin remained as...jimin as ever. if he was acting differently you certainly couldn't tell. "you think so?"

"mmm," she leans on the lip of the open suitcase thoughtfully. "but maybe with jungkook there, he'll behave himself."

you gulp, fiddling with his watch on your wrist anxiously. "maybe."

you nearly yelp when you feel a big hand swivel around your waist, bucking into the kitchen counter reflexively. jungkook always did this before rubbing his boner against your ass, but the light scent of citrus and short squeeze lets you know immediately that its taehyung. hoseok, jimin, namjoon and yoongi were still in the living room playing video games, giving taehyung the perfect opening to intercept you. namjoon and yoongi had insisted that you come over to their place after finding out you'd be alone for the weekend, and you had completely refused before taehyung's coaxing. and of course, jimin's persuasive nudging. even though you felt safe and relaxed here, it felt wrong to be in jungkook's friends' place without him. almost like a breaching of an unspoken boundary.

and clearly, taehyung picked up on your discomfort by the way he stared at you so softly. his back was to the sink, his sillhouette particularly long and lean this evening. "you need to lighten up, princess. you keep looking over your shoulder so much it's making me nervous!"

your visibly droop with a sigh. "i'm sorry tae. i've had a lot on my mind lately, and..."

he claps his hands on your shoulders, teeth peeking through his grin. "you're not doing anything illegal by being here without jungkook."

you wince at his name. "have you always been able to read my mind like this?"

"absolutely," taehyung's brown eyes look so rich up close. "you're allowed to have friends that are also his friends, because - and try to stick with me on this - relationships between people are allowed to be independant from the primary circles they met in. mind boggling concept, i know."

you wack him on the chest until he laughs. "stop making fun of my anxious thought processes! its called mental illness, sherlock! i can't help it!"

his nose scrunches cutely, enjoying your first fiery outburst of the day. "whatever. i call it not getting laid for a month and losing critical thinking abilities from it."

you gape at him indignantly while taehyung roars with laughter. "you're such a dickhead," you hiss through gritted teeth, yanking his hair and jabbing your fingers in his sides the way you would with jimin during a tickle fight. "whores have feelings too, taehyung! whores have feelings too!"

you both fall about with laughter, knocking over half the snacks on the counter in the process which only makes the pair of you laugh even more. it's such childish chaos trying to clean up the mess on the tiny kitchen floor that neither of you notice the front door open, or the gust of metaphorical and literal wind that follows. watching taehyung trying to salvage a bag of broken crisps is just so funny that the presence of an another voice in the living room goes unregistered, as do the footsteps leading up the hallway to the kitchen, so you have no time to brace yourself or properly pull yourself together with you see-

"...jungkook."

yours and taehyung's heads snap to the doorway. jungkook stands there with almost complete lack of emotion on his face to the pair of you kneeling in crumbs and napkins. there's a brief pause where the tension in your eye contact alone was so strong that it felt wrong to breathe. but it is shortlived. jungkook tiptoes over you like spilled milk, reaching for a glass of water. you and taehyung lock eyes while the tap runs in the awkward silence. "hey. you okay?"

"um," you're not sure whether to stand up, hug him, look at him, or even face him. "yeah! yeah, i'm fine."

he nods politely. "hyung?"

even taehyung looks visibly uncomfortable. "i'm good."

"cool. see you later," he says, downing the glass impressively fast before leaving the room just as fast as he entered it.

you and taehyung stare at each other again, not understanding why you both feel like kids caught eating cake before dinner. you could feel the sweat pricking at your back from the realisation. jungkook had no idea you'd be here, and given that interaction he'd probably want to leave now. there was always the inkling woven between his radio silence that he was done with you, but you never let yourself take it seriously out of logic. because how could months of passion and tenderness and honesty be undone so irrevocably like that? it didn't make sense. you hadn't changed. you were the same girl he hit on relentlessly and chased against all odds. so what was different now?

"____," taehyung calls your name gently, and it's only then you realise you're already up and trailing after jungkook into the living room. when you walk in he's already putting his shoes on to leave again, barely making eye contact with you while he chats absently to his hyungs so he can look busy. the four boys on the large sofa can only reply wearily, eyes darting between the pair of you like a firework was about to blow to soon. and it was.

you could feel it in your throat, under your breast bone, bubbling up your stomach. "wait, jungkook. um...h-how have you been? i haven't heard from you in-"

"i've been good," he keeps tying and re-tying his laces without looking up. "super busy. you know how it is."

his curtness makes you flinch. this same time last month jungkook used to kiss you senseless before he had both feet in the door. he'd ring the doorbell incessantly like a child and greet you with the biggest, toothiest grin you had ever seen. he'd make fun of your bed head and squeeze your cheeks until you'd snap at him. and now when he looked at you he hated every second of it. your mother had the same look. your eyes start to burn involuntarily. "yeah, i do. how is uni? your final project is due soon, right? what theme did you pick in the end?"

"the one i told you about," he stands up abruptly. "sorry, noona. something came up. i'll see you arou-"

"something came up?" you step closer to him. "something came up the second you saw my face? or did you really just trek all the way to your hyungs' place for a glass of water, jungkook?"

jungkook stiffens, but is determined not to lose face. and it's difficult to do under your big, accusatory eyes and jimin's death stare at his back. the whole room was waiting for his response, so he just shoves his hands in his pockets resolutely. "i needed to see yoongi hyung, but i can come another time."

you fold your arms. "well it's clearly important, and you're here now. so don't let me stop you."

"but you will stop me," jungkook snaps. "that's the problem."

"kook-ah," yoongi warns quietly, but he took one look at your face and knew the damage was done. jimin was already standing up, circling around the back of the sofa towards you. the red lights were all there; your watery eyes, your trembling hands. every breath you took looked difficult for you to complete and only jimin noticed.

"what are you talking about?" you squint. it takes you a second to understand; yoongi's guilty expression, jungkook's indifference. "oh, you're fucking kidding me." your resolve breaks for a second turning away only to glare back at jungkook with so much fire you can hardly stand it. "you're selling again? are you insane, jungkook?"

"see," jungkook's eyes are stony. "i knew you'd get this way."

"what other way am i supposed to get?" his lack of response only infuriates you more. it felt disrespectful. "jungkook, you're not a kid anymore. if you get caught with drugs the consequences are serious! forget the potential jail time, you could get kicked out of university, it would go on your record forever and-"

"stop talking to me like i'm a kid!"

"then stop acting like one!" you hate raising your voice, but it keeps climbing without your approval. "did you think about this for even five minutes? this isn't like just going to juvie like before and being done with it jungkook. your hyungs can't bail you out of everything."

"this is a lot of talk for someone who lapped up those fancy paints without a second thought," jungkook says darkly. his eyes aren't like you remember, his face solemn and near unrecognisable. "or did you think that getting that kind of money overnight is only something that's possible through daddy's credit card?"

dread blooms like a garden inside you. "that's...that's how you bought the paint set?"

"welcome to the real world," he quips. "as if selling overpriced weed to a bunch of pick-me-freshmans is considered a crime against humanity to anyone but you."

"you think that's why i'm yelling at you right now?" your voice was growing hoarse, desperate. "you think that's the problem i have with you being literal drug dealer, jungkook?"

he hates it. the sweltering silence, the judgmental eyes digging into his back, the slow realisation that the tears in your eyes were not at him but for him. jungkook's ears ring enough to make him sway on the spot if his feet weren't planted so firmly on the dingy carpet, this metaphorical ground. he couldn't shake the feeling that his lifestyle was only an issue now because of you, how he never felt a shred of guilt about any of this shit until he met you. and if there was anything that jungkook never responded well to, it was pity. and he could feel it from every person in the room, all people that that once cherished and coddled him until you came along. he swallows, throat dry from the way he couldn't look at you knowing what he was going to say next.

"you're embarrassing yourself, noona. you're not my girlfriend and you never were, so stop acting like it."

cotton. it's very faint, under the layers of conflicting cologne and beer and smoke, but jungkook still smelled of cotton while he spat acid. nobody could speak, even though jungkook never raised his voice let alone a hand to you, it still hit like a slap in the face. it sunk into the walls, your clothes, suddenly every hair on your body felt heavy with it. dirty. the shame came first, the humiliation next. and then the sorrow, the dread, and finally the defeat. you knew the stages well by now, and they were cycling through you like clockwork. how foolish you were, to make the same mistake again. nobody dared to move, everyone but jungkook staring at you in denial and horror. they couldn't believe their eyes when you nod steadily, bowing your head to the floor.

jimin is already slotting himself between you, his jaw tight. "that's enough, kook. just leave already."

"no," you stop him, unnervingly resigned. that single word cuts through all six men with ease. "he's right." you step around jimin, closing the space between you and jungkook. for a brief moment he wonders if you'll actually hit him, but somehow watching you unclasp his watch from your wrist and drop it on the coffee table in front of him is far worse. the sound seems to ring like church bells, definitive and umistakable. "you're right, i'm not your girlfriend. you win jungkook."

they all watch you leave in dismay, listen to the door closing softly behind you. within a second jimin sprints after you, calling your name, leaving everyone else dumbfounded. jungkook's stare could bore a hole into the abandoned watch on the table, still ticking away like nothing changed. like his eyes weren't burning, lightheaded at the realisation that he would never wear a watch again let alone the one he put on you.

to an outsider, you looked like you were coping well considering you just got dumped in front of all your friends. but jimin knew that face. your stony eyes, lips pulled thin as if to seal inside the collapse of a monument. you took the tea he offered, and then his arms, your face finding his chest with ease. muscle memory. his torso was a tad shorter than jungkook's, his heart closer to your mouth as if the steady thumps were asking for a kiss of acknowledgement. every time you close your eyes you could see jungkooks face, hard and unforgiving and nothing like the man you trusted all this time. but it wasn't a new expression; you parents looked at you similarly the last time you saw them. it was the look of someone who had no regrets cutting all ties. and now, jungkook was behind them in a lost list of people who chose to be strangers over loving you.

jimin sighs when you cry into his chest, brushing the back of your head gently. he had been ready for this for months, but he still hated to see you this way. again. it made his bones itch, his skin crawl uncomfortably every time you weeped. the only time he considered violence was when you were crying. but he knew what to do, laying down across the sofa so you could curl up into a ball next him, head on his bicep and face smushed into the crook of his shoulder. you used to cry like this for hours and hours, his arm familiar with the prickle of pins and needles. but it was the only place you felt safe. tucked into jimin's side is where you would always belong, and that truth was more glaringly obvious than ever now.

"lets get something to eat," he offers eventually, hand craddling the crown of your head like a child. jimin's other hand on your hip is warm and heavy when he pats you soothingly. in your episodes, you responded well to touch. "what about thai food?"

"not hungry," you grumble against him.

"we could make something together?" he peers down at your lack of response. "come on, babe. you gotta eat something. you didn't even have breakfast-"

"why am i so stupid?" you whisper, a fresh bout of tears welling up.

jimin rubs your thigh. "it's not your fault."

"yes it is. jungkook gave me plenty of red flags, and i ignored all of them-"

"oh, i meant you being stupid."

you scoff. "cheers."

"what?" jimin cocks a brow when you lift your head to look up at him. he wets his lips and you follow the swipe of his tongue thoughtlessly, distracted enough by his touch and proximity that you take a second to digest his words. "it's not like any of this exactly came as a surprise. you ignored me, remember? wanted to flex your big girl pants."

you pull away from him and sit up, forcibly shutting out the daze that jimin routinely puts you under. "what's wrong with you? can't you be polite and wait for a couple hours before laying into me like a normal person? jesus, jimin."

"so let me get this straight," jimin sits up, watching your back as you sit away from him. "you're mad because i'm not telling you what you want to hear?"

"no," you say, head shaking. "i'm not mad. i'm upset because i came here to be comforted by my friend and you're just making me feel worse."

"what do you want me to say, ____? that i had high hopes from the start?" jimin pushes his hair back, brows now at a sharp incline from frustration. "i told you starting something with jungkook was trouble but you didn't listen. why should i feed your victim complex when all i've done is try to help you?"

"victim complex?" you repeat, standing up slowly. the sudden steadiness of your voice causes jimin to panic.

"not like that. don't take it like that, it's just," he's suddenly before you, his warm hands palming up your arms warmly. "i didn't wanna see you get like this and it happened anyway, is all i'm saying." he sighs when your scowl doesn't let up. "if hobi hyung hadn't have given up so easy, then maybe…maybe this would never have happened. maybe if i had been harsher with him then you would have-"

"what are you talking about?" you ask quietly, searching jimin's face. "give up so easy? what's that supposed to mean?"

he looks away, hands slipping off you. "it's nothing."

"jimin."

he struggles to look at you, tongue in cheek. his lips purse for a moment, pink like roses. he's wearing that navy jumper you like. "look, it's not a big deal. he wasn't supposed to fuck you or anything, just take you out for a while. get your mind off kookie, show you a nice time."

your blood runs cold. "what?"

jimin's expression softens. "it's not as bad as it sounds-"

"really?" your voice is sharp, sharper than he's ever heard it. you recoil as if you had been struck for the second time today. "because it sounds like you asked some guy to keep me occupied like i'm a fucking dog. all because you can't stand the idea of me being within a meter of jungkook-"

he steps in, but you step back. "you know that's not true, _."

"don't i?" you scoff, covering your face in disbelief. "jimin, you've been hellbent against me even looking at the guy since day fucking one."

"because i didn't want you to get hurt!" jimin counters, eyes downcast. "i know, okay? i know how much of a dick it makes me sound, but its not like it hurt you when you had no idea! hoseok broke it off before you even knew about it so why-"

"because it's worse," you turn away from him. "you tried to control me. choose what's best for me because you think you know better than i do. sound familiar?"

his jaw sets, and it's like you can hear the twine snap in his head, the percussion of his heartbeat above yours even though he doesn't close the space between you. jimin stares at you for a long minute before drawing in a thin breath. "fine," he steps in, and you can't look away. "you want me to say it? fine. i'll say it."

suddenly the air is lace thin around you as you stare at him, waiting. jimin looks off somewhere else, somewhere you can't reach. "don't tell me you haven't thought about it, because i know you have. if i have you must have too. and lately its all i can think about - being with you, holding you, being the one who gets to touch you. and yeah, maybe it took having to see you with jungkook for me to realise how much i want all that, i put my hands up. but you have no idea what's it like to watch the person you love most get toyed around with by a time bomb like that. i've seen jungkook go through girls like underwear and i love him, god i love him, but even the idea of you being one of those wasted girls sitting outside a party crying over his sorry ass makes my fucking ears ring."

"j-jimin…" you whisper, but you have nothing to say. your hands shake.

"you deserve more than that, ____. you deserve more than waiting around for booty calls or living up to what the next guy wants. from jungkook, hoseok, anyone. you deserve someone's devotion and yeah, maybe all this time i've been too much of a pussy to give it. maybe all this time i was tiptoeing around my feelings for you because i knew if i admitted to myself that i loved you - if i admitted i was just like every other guy - i'd actually set the bar for something other than disappointment. id actually have to step up, and i didn't know if i could do it. i still don't. but if it has to be someone…it should be me."

suddenly he's holding your hands, calming the tremble that rattles them. his words bunch up together in your ears, the meaning lost amidst your awe. "jimin….jimin what are you saying? where is all this coming from, i don't...i don't understand wh-"

"i'm saying," he cups your face. "choose me." he pulls you in. so, so close. "choose me, not jungkook. not anyone else. me."

and there's a part of you that has already caved. that's already kissing him, melting into his arms like you've wanted to for so, so long. you're falling back onto the couch with him in a fit of giggles, curling back into his chest to hide your watery eyes, asking him why the fuck he took so long. you chat together between teasing kisses, pour your hearts out, maybe cry a little. later you would make tea and order pad thai and watch the office all night and fall asleep together in the living room well past dawn and then-

you close your eyes. "i can't."

"you can," jimin says, so passionately you shudder. his brown eyes are teaming with too much determination and ardour for his own good, and you both know it. its difficult to grapple with how huge a risk he's taking, because jimin never takes risks. it made the whole situation seem dire. "you know you can, ____. it's us. there's no one like us."

you don't know how you're not crying yet. you only have jimin to hold onto, hands balled in his shirt without knowing if you're about to push him away or pull him in forever. "maybe back then. maybe if you'd have said all this before," you feel empty, the beat of your pulse suddenly strong in your fingertips. "but it doesn't matter anymore."

he shakes his head in denial, his determination palpable. "of course it does-"

"i'm in love with him," you say. to jimin. to yourself. to the world, finally. "i'm in love with jungkook." holding jimin's stare isn't as difficult as you thought it'd be. "you know if you'd have done all this a few months ago…if you'd have just...i was always yours without question, jimin. and you knew it." it's his turn to bristle under the strain of your voice. "jungkook isn't perfect. i'll be the first one to admit that. he's made me cry, he fucks up, he makes mistakes. but he's never lied to me. he never made decisions for me. he never passed judgement on what i should or shouldn't do with my life. something that i never thought i wouldn't able to say about you, too."

there's a brief moment where everything stops. neither of you can believe what you just said. jimin watches you, frozen in his place as you take your bag, eyes glittering with tears when he calls for you. suddenly he's the time bomb he feared becoming, the panic in his eyes lighting them up like fire crackers. for the first time in his life, he stumbles over his words, and then his feet when you reach for the door, all composure lost. he was unravelling like a tapestry in front of you, never to be repaired, and he could feel it. "____. ____, please," jimin chokes, his cheeks blotchy. "i wanted to protect you, i was just trying to help. don't go. please don't go. i was trying to help you."

"no. you were trying to have me." you say, closing the door behind you.

you have no idea what time it is when you hear the bell ring incessantly.

it had been hours since you'd returned home from jimin's, but there was no way for you to keep track when your only priority was just keeping yourself afloat. you turned your phone off, drew the curtains, and resolved to alternate between sitting in seulgi and jisoo's rooms until they came back. you didn't know what else to do. when you weren't crying you were hyperventilating, and when that stopped the absence of emotion was so powerful you could barely keep your eyes open. you were exhausted but could not sleep. starving but could not eat. it was a miracle you even made it down the stairs, using what little strength you had to yank it open without even thinking about who could be on the other side in the middle of the fucking night. but at this point, you would gladly take a serial killer over jimin or jungkook.

"taehyung," you breathe when you take in his face, relieved. you must look like absolute shit because he scans your face and winces.

"jimin told me," he says, the apology in his voice and expression was almost painful to register. "he told me everything. ____, i'm so sorry. i should have told you about the hoseok thing, i just thought it would be worse coming from me, and then i tried to force jimin into confessing but then he didn't because he's jimin, and now-"

"you're only allowed to come inside if you stop apologising," you say weakly, voice haggered from the hours of crying.

taehyung's pouty expression almost makes you smile with how cute he looks, gingerly stepping over the threshhold. "i really am sorry though."

"for what," you say monotonously, closing the door behind him while he takes off his shoes. "my inexplicably terrible taste in men? my uncanny ability to get manipulated by literally anyone who shows me a scrap of affection? or my absolutey shredded-to-shit attachment style thats barely intact let alone functioning healthily? after hoppping between the first two for a few hours i'd personally go for the latter. but whatever."

"please shut up," taehyung sighs, bringing you into his arms before you could have a second thought about it. "you need to amp up the misandry in this context. a lot of this had nothing to do with you and everything to do jimin and jungkook."

you're too tired to open your eyes, snuggling into the softness of taehyung's chest. you’re too exhausted to argue. "where did you learn the word misandry? have you been reading?"

"yeah," you can hear his big, pleased grin. "i know you and the girls have been calling me a himbo behind my back."

"affectionately," you add, peering up at him. he wipes the wetness off your cheeks, moving upstairs to your room with your hand in his. he fetches you a glass of water before putting you into bed like he's paid to do it. taehyung was the cuddliest person you had ever met, but you had rarely seen him dote on anyone. "girls love himbos. it's a compliment."

"not all girls," he mutters when he returns from the bathroom with a glass of water. "drink this, would you? you look so dry it's making me itchy."

you do as he says with a roll of your eyes. "what do you mean?" you finish your water with a big gulp. "jisoo loves dumb guys, what are you talking about?"

taehyung looks away from you, bottom lip rolling up under his teeth so fast you barely catch it. he pulls up your desk chair next to your bed, thinking long and hard before meeting your eyes again. "i don't mean jisoo."

you don't understand at first, but after staring at his face for a long minute your stomach drops. "don't. don't you fucking dare," another beat of silence. you rip the covers off you to scamble to your knees, grab your pillow and hurl it at taehyung's head. "taehyung, please don't tell me that the one remaining, healthy relationship i have with a man has also been shot to shit because i swear to god i'm gonna-"

"it's not a big deal," he says firmly, and he really does mean it. taehyung catches your wrists when you lunge at him, effectively ending your outburst before it can begin. he keeps hold of them while he stares into your eyes, watching the way they fill up with a fresh bout of tears. "i've had a crush on you for a while, so what? it's not anyone's business but mine so don't worry about it."

you try not to scream at him. "how long?"

"...since the start." he shrugs. "it's not like i could have done anything anyway. with jimin around. he’d never have it."

"but...! but..." you splutter, the highlight reel of your friendship suddenly marred before your eyes. "but you let me talk to you about boys! you gave me advice with hobi and jimin and jungkook and...! you encouraged jimin to confess to me. and the whole thing with jisoo?"

he wets his lips guiltily. "jisoo is a nice girl. i like her, but...not like you. i've always liked you."

you shake your head in horror, your face crumpling. bile rose in your throat. "so all of that...playing with my friend like that. was just to get to me?"

"listen to me," taehyung says firmly, gripping your wrists to make you look at him again. he's so close you can feel the warmth of his breath on yours, and you never realised how large taehyung's torso was compared to yours before. he could have smothered you, but he didn't. in all senses. "the way jimin and jungkook handled their feelings is on them, just like how this is on me. it doesn't matter if i'm fucking you or not, you're my friend and i'll always want people to do right by you. and that includes me."

there was nothing else to say, so taehyung wordlessly wipes your face again and fetches you more water before retreating to sleep on the couch downstairs. all the while you sat there in your bed, confused and bewildered and thoughtful. the same bed jungkook fucked you on. the same bed jimin held you in. out of all the men in your life, taehyung was the only one who treated his feelings for you with reverence. there wasn't one interaction you could think of where he made his feelings clear, where he even hinted towards wanting something more. if he hadn't have said anything tonight, in the wake of one of the most emotionally tumultuous days of your life, you would still be in the dark about it all. and that was the scariest part. you didn't know anyone else who hadn't let their feelings for you effect how they treated you. so ultimately, it was possible.

and jimin and jungkook chose not to do that. but taehyung did.

taehyung did.

when you finally pad downstairs after hours of ruminating, jisoo's bedroom door is wide open. and that's who you should be thinking about now - your friend and sister jisoo - as the sky begins to lighten with the signs of morning. you hadn't slept for over twenty four hours, you were hungry and thirsty, delirious from the whirlwind of losing the two most important men in your life in one day. but still, you are drawn to taehyung. taehyung, who never asked anything of you. taehyung, who was as silent as he was selfless this whole time. taehyung who routinely put what he wanted aside in favour of what was best for you. taehyung, who protected you without needing credit or recognition for it. taehyung, taehyung, taehyung, taehyung, taehyung-

"taehyung," you whisper scraping your nails through his hair. his eyes fluttered open, twisting his head to face you as you hovered above him. he could barely see you in the darkness. "taehyung, wake up."

"what is it?" he croaks, sitting up with half-lidded eyes and a yawn. he doesn't know how to read the expression on your face. he swings his legs off the sofa in a sitting position, wearing nothing but his boxers and tee, visibly alarmed. "what happened? are you okay?"

you take his face in your hands and kiss him.

taehyung stiffens against you, breath drawn thin. you pull away to gauge his expression, desperately searching his eyes in the darkness. for discomfort, disapproval, anything negative at all. the absolute ardour you find instead could knock you down if taehyung didn't reach for your neck, kissing you again. you whine at the feel of his tongue, having no idea where such sudden and intense arousal was coming from. when you pull away with shaky limbs, you climb onto his thick thighs so he can feel your wetness through his boxers. taehyung grunts at the sensation, and again when you kiss him passionately and without abandon. the sweet girl every guy he knew was agonising over, suddenly in his lap. he's barely had his tongue down your throat for ten minutes and you're already rocking into him, his erection betraying his resolve.

it's better than he dreamed.

"taehyung," you gasp, palming him now. he groans when he pulls away to look at your mouth, glistening with his saliva when you take his hand and guide it down to your arousal. "please."

#jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #jungkook au #bts x reader #bts au #jungkook scenario #bts scenario #jimin x reader #jimin x you #jimin au #bts fic #jungkook fic #jimin fic #jungkook college au #jimin college au #bts college au #myfic

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vikingqueer · 3 years

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music recommendations because i have some thoughts™

i don't wanna be that person who's like "my music taste is so weird lol" but i find that very often most of my friends don't really care for the music i like so i thought i'd just make a long ass post about it on tumblr instead. Fair warning, I'm very passionate about MIKA and The Mechanisms and so this very quickly got VERY long because it is part of my ongoing campaign to convince people to listen to mika and the mechs.

1) MIKA in general, but especially My Name Is Michael Holbrook (2019) and No Place In Heaven (2015) (especially the Deluxe version!!)

MIKA is a kind of British singer (half Lebanese, grew up in France blabla), and you probably know him for Grace Kelly and Relax, Take It Easy from his first album Life In Cartoon Motion from 2007. He writes a lot of FUN music, interspersed with the occasional slightly sadder song, especially when looking at an album like No Place In Heaven, which contains a lot of songs with gay themes, resulting in some songs that are just a little bit ouch. He's originally classically trained and has a frankly RIDICULOUS range and idk he just writes very good pop music. Also I have so much respect for that time he talked about how a lot of pop is very fake, with like expensive cars and stilettos and mini skirts in the snow and said "Because I walk down the street, and I don't see any of that. I see fat women and gay men. I don't know... That's real". He's written 5 albums; My Name Is Michael Holbrook (2019), No Place In Heaven (2015), The Origin Of Love (2012), The Boy Who Knew Too Much (2009), and Life In Cartoon Motion (2007).

For starters, I recommend listening to Last Party, Origin Of Love, Grace Kelly, Blame It On The Girls, Blue, Happy Ending, Pick Up Off The Floor, Last Party, Underwater, Tomorrow and Tiny Love (yes this is a long list but i REALLY love MIKA). If you want a slightly broader palette that's not just my favourites, I recommend the Mika starter pack on spotify.

2) The Mechanisms. I warn you. I am making this a thing. I have been obsessed with the mechs since last march.

Boy, where to start? The Mechanisms were a British 9 member space pirate story-telling cabaret that "died" in January 2020. They rewrite songs to fit retellings of various stories. I don't even know what genre I'd describe them as, but probably folk but steam-punk?? Their 4 "main" albums are concept albums, and I honestly just recommend listening to the from beginning to end in chronological order. A good way to get into the mechs is also to listen to UDAD and then watching the live show on youtube or alternately try giving Death To The Mechanisms a listen, to get good quality live show audio of TBI and various other stuff. Also, it was streamed on YouTube and someone combined the footage with the album audio and it rocks. Really, I think the mechs' best selling points are honestly just their concept albums:

Once Upon a Time (In Space) Their first album from 2012. I'd say this is the most "easily digestible" for the general public, since it's a retelling of various fairytales. So, what if Old King Cole was in fact not merry, but rather a cold-blooded dictator, intent on colonising as much of the galaxy as possible. What if Snow White was a general, looking to avenge what King Cole did to her sister, Rose. What if Cinderella was to be wedded to Rose the day that King Cole attacked in order to kidnap Rose? But y'know, In Space and also like every other mechs album it's a beautiful tragedy. Fave songs are Old King Cole, Pump Shanty, and No Happy Ending.

Ulysses Dies at Dawn You guessed it, it's a story about Odysseus, or Ulysses because I guess Ulysses is easier to rhyme or fit in the meter or something, idk. Ulysses is a war hero of unknown gender who is said to keep something that could take down the corrupt Olympians, meanest families in the City, in a vault to which only they know the passcode. Oedipus, Heracles, Orpheus, and Ariadne have been hired by Hades, who happens to be The Mechs' quartermaster Ashes O'Reilly, to get into Ulysses' vault. I didn't care much for udad at first, but honestly it's got some real bangers and the story is really good. UDAD weirdly stands out as the only of the concept albums to not feature any gay relationships, per se. Fave songs are Riddle of the Sphinx, Favoured Son, and Underworld Blues.

High Noon over Camelot This is my favourite mehcs album. So basically, this is Arthurian legend, but it's a space western and Jonny D'Ville does a bad southern accent. This is the story of the cowboy lovers Arther, Lancelot, and Guinevere searching for the Galfridian Restricted Acces Interface Login, or GRAIL, in order to stop their world from falling into the sun. Meanwhile, Mordred and Gawaine are ruling Camelot, and Mordred has convinced Gawaine to try to establish peace with the Saxons by whom Mordred was raised, but Gawaine hates viciously. If you love getting your heart broken and songs by a fucking off the rails batshit preacher I HIGHLY recommend hnoc. Fave songs are Gunfight at the Dolorous Guard, Blood and Whiskey, and Once and Future King. Honorary mention for Hellfire because it awakens something animalistic in me.

The Bifrost Incident TBI is the frankly only good adaptation of norse mythology I've ever known of, and I say that as Dane who was literally forced to learn things about norse mythology in school because it's my heritage or whatever. I've been listening to TBI a lot lately because it's VERY good. It's definitely the most refined of the mechs' albums (because it's the newest) but also I just love a little bit of cosmic horror. 80 years ago, Odin, the All-Mother, ruler of Asgaard, launched a train through the wormhole Bifrost that would reduce the travel between Asgaard and Midgaard from 3 months to 3 days, but things didn't go quite as planned. Lyfrassir Edda of the New Midgaard Transport Police is trying to solve the case of why suddenly the train has arrived 80 years late; to figure out whether it was accident or maybe it was sabotaged by Loki, who was allegedly sentence to death her murder of Baldur, by the Midgaardian resistance led by Loki's wife Sigyn, or maybe by Thor, who was to take over after Odin, and who holds quite the grudge because he used to be a friend of Loki's. You might've heard the song Thor from this album, it's apparently quite popular. Fave songs are Loki, Ragnarok III: Strange Meeting, and Ragnarok V: End of The Line. Yet again an honorary mention: Red Signal because while Lovecraft was a bitch, his invocations are fucking RAW.

Basically, the Mechanisms do all of their performances in character as captain first mate Jonny D'Ville, quartermaster Ashes O'Reilly, pilot DrumBot Brian, master-at-arms Gunpowder Tim, science officer Raphaella la Cognizi, doctor Baron Marius Von Raum (neither a baron, nor a doctor), archivist Ivy Alexandria, engineer Nastya Rasputina, and The Toy Soldier, who is, as usual, present. You can find very obscure lore about the crew of the Aurora here, tidbits on Tales To Be Told and TTBT Vol. 2, such as One Eyed Jacks, The Ignominious Demise of Dr. Pilchard, Gunpowder Tim vs. The Moon Kaiser, Lucky Sevens, and Lost in the Cosmos.

If you feel like listening to a full 40-50 minute album to find out if you like a band is a bit much, I recommend listening to one of the mini stories Alice, Swan Song, or Frankenstein, which are about 12, 5 and 9:30 minutes respectively.

3) The Amazing Devil You know that guy who played Jaskier in the Witcher? I got into The Amazing Devil from spotify recommending them because I listened to the mechs, and apparently Joey Batey from The Amazing Devil is the same Joey Batey who was in the Witcher. Both him and Madeleine Hyland are VERY talented singers and songwriters and their second album The Horror and the Wild makes me go out into the forest and SCREAM. I listened to it on repeat for like a month straight. I guess they'd also be considered folk, but like. New Folk. Also yes, this is another British artist, I don't know why I'm like this. I've never really gotten that into their first album, Love Run, but King slaps. As I understand there's this whole lore about the Blue Furious Boy and Scarlet Scarlet, Joey and Madeleine respectively, but unlike the Mechanisms it's actually possible to find out things about the actual real people and harder to find the obscure lore? I'm open for people to please help me. Fave songs are The Horror and the Wild, Farewell Wanderlust, and That Unwanted Animal, which is literally a third of their second album, but again. I haven't really listened to Love Run that much, and I just LOVE the harmonies on THATW. (also im gay and dramatic leave me alone)

4) dodie I have so much love for this woman. Like many others, I first knew dodie as doddleoddle on youtube. I think I first stumbled across her in probably 2015, because I distinctly already knew her before she released her first EP Sick of Losing Soulmates in 2016. I think I watched probably every video she's ever made in the span of a few weeks. I just loved her quiet sound and was absolutely HOOKED. Also she's actually the reason I got into MIKA originally, so thanks for that. Dodie just realeased her first album Build A Problem (in addition to her three EP's; the one mentioned above, You, and Human) and it slaps. Yes dodie is also British Fave songs are probably Monster, Rainbow, and In The Middle.

5) Cladia Boleyn Unfortunately, Claudia Boleyn only has three singles and that's it. She's been making content on youtube for quite a while, and that's how I first discovered her. I don't know what genre her music is, but I like it. The songs are Celesta, George, and Mother Maiden Crone, of which the latter is my favourite. I'm not saying Claudia Boleyn invented women in 2017 when she released Mother Maiden Crone, but she did. Also you guessed it, Claudia Boleyn is British.

6) Hozier I'm not about to tell you about Hozier. You know who he is. Listen to Nina Cried Power, Angel Of Small Death & The Codeine Scene, and Shrike. Also Hozier isn't stricly British in that he is definitely from A British Isle, but Ireland is not part of the UK. Give me a break.

7) Oh Land Oh Land IS DANISH. I like her early music best, because I'm not that into the electronic sound. I guess Oh Land is just you regular old pop, but with the occasional weird vibe? Oddly enough, I like her first album Fauna best. Unfortunately I haven't really listened to her newest album Family Tree much, but it seems good? Fave songs are Frostbite, Love You Better and Family Tree. I cried on the bus, first time I listened to the Danish version of Love You Better, Elsker Dig Mer because my mother tongue always just hits harder. Also Frostbite is Oh Land doing a duet with herself which is pretty cool.

8) Oysterband This is a live recommendation. I mean they're a decent folk band and all, but they're a fucking experience live. If you like folk and you ever get the opportunity to see Oysterband live, do it. Unfortunately, yes. They are British. Either way, they are incredible on a scene and I think they deserve a mention for that.

9) Ben Platt Honestly don't know much about this guy, but he's not British and he was in Dear Evan Hansen. He released an album in 2019, Sing To Me Instead, and I just think it's a good album, there isn't really not much more to it. Fave songs are Grow As We Go, Bad Habit, and In Case You Don't Live Forever.

and thats all for now. this has been a ramble. shout out to you if you actually read all of this, especially the mechs part.

#music stuff #amalie.txt #music recommendations #mika #the mechanisms #the amazing devil #dodie #claudia boleyn #hozier #oh land #oysterband #ben platt

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quirrrky · 3 years

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⚡Can i ask for a zenitsu scenario where he starts dating this girl who is like a dreamgirl to him but she starts treating the reader (zens bff who is obv in love with zen) badly to the point she really hurts readers feelings (i have a fear of being hated by everybody, like feeling their rejection maybe you could use that) but zen doesnt know until he catches gf saying or doing sumn bad? im sorry if its too specific i came up with it while setting up the christmas tree please make it very angsty and then very fluffy it would make me so happy i also love your writing and your blog in general is so pretty im sorry for the lenght

ALWAYS YOU

Rating: K Genre: Angst, Fluff

HI ANON! I TRIED TO MAKE IT AS ANGST AS POSSIBLE, I HOPE I PULLED IT THROUGH AND THAT FLUFF IN THE END IDK IF IT’S FLUFF ENOUGH, BUT I H WISH YOU LIKE THIS ONE! OH! IT’S COOL TO HAVE A CHRISTMAS TREE AT HOME AND I HOPE YOU GET TO PUT THE STAR AT THE TOP HEHEHE. AND! DON’T YOU WORRY ABOUT THE LENGTH!

ALSO! FEEL FREE TO JOIN MY ON-GOING EVENT, 12 DATES OF CHRISTMAS!

Zenitsu was “in love” with her. He told you she was his dream girl and she possessed everything he’s looking for in a woman. You kept on wondering what did that girl has that you haven’t. Was it because she’s all pretty and glammed up and you aren’t? But you knew that you wouldn’t change for the world since you’re perfect the way you are.

And it’s because you are you that you know how to get Zenitsu’s laughter, his jokes, his stories. Though some found his crying incessant, you found it cute—a special part of him that sets him apart from others. Nobody gets that but you. Not even her. That’s why you can’t help but die from within whenever you’d see them together.

You thought to yourself that maybe if you’re just smart enough to discern your own feelings a lot earlier, you wouldn’t have to see her that close to him. Maybe if you’re just brave enough to confess your feelings, he wouldn’t have to hold her hand like that because that would be you in her place.

You’d plaster a smile on your face whenever Zenitsu would turn to you, but you knew that you couldn’t keep up the farce much longer. You have to go your own way—you can no longer bear to see them together like that wishing he’d look at you that way he does with her. Not when she already told you to stay away.

“Please just go away. He doesn’t need you anymore. I’m already here.”

You were his best friend. You were there through his highs and lows. Zenitsu never thought that the day would come when the two of you would ever get separated. Whenever he’d imagine what his future would be like, you were always there, a part of the person he’d like to be. You dreamed together yet you were growing apart?

The familiar face that usually welcomed him every morning to school was gradually fading away, until he just noticed that you’re drifting apart from his life. Even if, he finally had her hands in his, her attention all to him, there’s still a space in his heart that only looks for you. Zenitsu honestly didn’t know the reason why until he heard her.

“Please just go away. He doesn’t need you anymore. I’m already here.”

At the moment, he heard her say that, he didn’t think through confronting her, “How can you say that to Y/N? She’s my best friend.”

Was that the reason why you’ve been avoiding him recently?

“Are you trying to choose her over me?” She asked confident about his answer.

He doesn’t need you anymore.

But he needed you. He needs you in his life. Perhaps, more than he thought. Only you can understand him deeper, only you gets his jokes, only you were there to listen to his stories without trying to change who he actually is. And he wanted to do the same to you. He wanted to listen to your stories, laugh at your joes and be there when you cry. Just the way you are and the way the of you were.

“I’m sorry.” Zenitsu told her as he took your hand and you both ran away.

You couldn’t believe what was happening. It was like a scene from a shoujo anime the way you were running away from everybody. Soon, a laugh escaped you two while your breaths were catching up at your speed. You stopped at your favorite street corner with heaving breaths.

“Y-Y/N-chan! I can’t believe this. I-I broke off with her!?” Zenitsu said in utmost disbelief.

You just gaped at him still testing the waters. “Yeah, I mean…it’s okay if you choose her instea-“

He cut you off when he started crying. “i CaN’t BeLievE I aLmoSt LoSt yoU y/N!-chan!”

This made you hold back your own tears, because everything he said resonated with you well. Because yes, you thought you’d lose him for real too.

“They were right. We can’t live without each other. I’ll just stick with you and only you from now on!” Zenitsu announced gaining his resolve, which left you surprised.

It might be too early to start from now, but it’s great that you had each other back. It’s even greater that he finally realized how much you meant to him. Only time will tell, but now you knew you’d have this time in your hands. You just didn’t know it but he’s actually planning the same.

☾ masterlist: Zenitsu ✧ KNY ☾ ⁺˚*·✧ request guidelines ✧⁺˚*·

#missing my yellow boi #zenitsu x reader #zenitsu imagines #zenitsu scenarios #agatsuma zenitsu x reader #quirrrky zenitsu

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singingforthepromises · 3 years

Text

fruits basket manga lb (chs 131 - 133)

CH 131

We’re learning about the origins of the curse now. Oh boy.

The cat went to God first ;A;

omg the cat died first....

God saved it!

Oh, the cat didn’t want to have eternal life... and the others and God took that as rejection.... seriously? So petty, honestly. I love learning about how it happened but I’m just like... wtf. It’s like all of this generational trauma could’ve all been avoided if God and the animals hadn’t misinterpreted shit LOl

YUKI’S CRYING ;A;

I totally understand Yuki’s feelings here. It must be hard. You’re free, but you’re also letting go of something that was a part of you for so long, something that helped shaped who you are, no matter how negative a situation.

AH AJSFJSJF HE CAN HUG HER NOW OH MY GOD I TOTALLY FORGOT IM SOBBING

MACHI IS SO CUTE

She’s calling him by his first name KSFJSJFJSF

AHHH THEY KISSED! ENDGAME YUCHI! <3

“When did that promise turn into a curse?” What I’ve been asking since since the very beginning rofl

AKDGDKG KYO’S SHOWING KAZUMA HIS BARE ARM IM ;A;

KAZUMA IS SO HAPPY SJJDG

Haru and Rin!! <3

omg look at Tohru pulling on Kyo’s shirt how cute

is Tohru gonna see Akito? <3

SHE’S HUGGING HER! I LOVE THIS! I love that Akito can see that even after the curse has been lifted, Tohru wasn’t lying about being there for her, about being her friend. Akito needed this, honestly. I’m very happy with the resolution of their rivalry. I’m happy with how the curse broke.

“The Cat’s wish... wasn’t granted... until much, much later.” IM CRYINGGG

CH 132

Starting the last volume... this is so depressing, I don’t want this story to be over.

Akigure time, lol.

Oh is this the final banquet?

IT’S SO NICE TO SEE RITSU AGAIN!! <333

“Things might be a bit tense.” Oh, I’m sure. I don’t think it’s all going to be sunshine and daisies. Akito may be behaving a hell of a lot better and changed her ways, but there’s still a lot of pain here, pain that she directly caused. I’m interested to see how this is going to go.

LOL @ momiji calling Kyo a cheater we love to see familial teasing!

I love that they’re not all awkward around each other. It just goes to show that a lot of their genuine personalities poked through even among the curse. They all do have a bond, curse or no curse. And it’s very nice to see Kyo being actually included in that bond.

lool fucking Ayame, man. I love him.

Aww is Yuki kinda sorta looking out for Kyo around Ayame? I love this.

HAHA

“Akito’s ready to see you.” sfjsjfsj

OH WOW.

Look at her? She looks so pretty?

RITSU LMFAO

Oh, Shigure got her that kimono.

Yeaaah, this is what I’m worried about with Akigure as a ship. Akito’s better, but she still has a tendency to fly off the handle if she thinks she’s being slighted, and it makes me worried about how they would handle dispites and arguments without getting physical like that, you know? I’d hope that she’d do it less and less as time goes on.

“All of you are free. And this may come too late, but for everything... I’m...” Oh my god. Is she trying to apologize?

She can’t, though. It won’t come out. I bet she probably feels like sorry isn’t enough, in some ways. How do you apologize for a lifetime of suffering that you’ve caused, the trauma inflicted on other people?

I guess Akigure are official, lol. I mean, I’m glad that Akito’s getting a somewhat happy ending. Shigure, I still don’t like him but he’s a fantastic character.

Akito’s gonna stay at the estate and be the head without keeping anyone shackled to her. That’s as good of an ending as I could’ve anticipated for her. I’ll be honest: I still feel like she got off a little easy. She should’ve faced some legal consequences, at least. But I don’t dislike her like I used to. She’s definitely come around and I’ve partially forgiven her.

I’ll talk more about my feelings about Akito and everything once I’ve finished, but that’s where I am right now.

CH 133

AHHH KYORU. THEY’RE OFFICIAL!

loool who is Mayu talking about?

OH Yuki and the others know about Akito being a female now? Nice!

“I can’t believe I was so violent... to a girl.” KYO. MY BOY. Omg what a sweetheart? Honey, she was violent to you, too.

“The last thing I wanted was another guy interested in you.” LMFAOOOO

YUKI’S DYING

“The mood between the two of them has become somewhat gentler than before.” Somewhat? Girl, they’re friends now, and I’m loving it. It’s so cute.

“He beat the crap outta me.” YES LOL

“Kyo-kun smiles more than he used to. I’ve come to realize that this is his true self.” ;A;

oh my gosh THEY’RE SO CUTE.

How are they even cuter now that they’re dating?!

“Walking together, hand in hand, isn’t something that I’ll ever take for granted.” I’m cryinggggg. ;a; My babies.

NOT TALK OF A KYORU BABY MY HEART CAN ONLY HANDLE SO MUCH.

AND GRANDPA KAZUMA!! HE’D DOTE ON THAT KID!

What’s wrong with my bby girl Isuzu? :(

“Not everyone... is in the same situation.” Ah, yeah...

“How can you act like nothing ever happened? She did all kinds of nasty stuff to Kyo. And she hurt you a lot too. Those wounds will never disappear, will they?” I 1000% understand Rin here. I was waiting for this to be brought up!

Oh, Isuzu, my poor girl.

This might change later on, but as of right now, I don’t fully forgive Akito, either. There’s just too much that she did to too many people. Like Rin, like Yuki, like Kyo. Even Hatori. I’m generally a forgiving person, but I have a hard time with abusive characters. Maybe it’s from my own past, being a survivor of abuse. Being around it and knowing how they are just impacts you differently, I guess. I don’t know if it’s right to say that maybe people who haven’t experienced abuse are able to forgive easier.

I haven’t forgiven my abuser, and I never will. Do I still understand why they did it, why they are who they are, and do I still empathize? YES. I feel a lot for people. I feel a lot for Akito on a positive note, and I’m so proud of her progression. She’s a hurt woman who deserved better and who hurt people because she was in so much pain herself. She hasn’t been able to break free of her abuser or heal yet. She needs a safe space to do that, and she’s beginning to learn to be better and be a sweeter person. Tohru showed her that.

But like Rin, I can’t fully forgive her. If Tohru hadn’t done what she did, hadn’t reached out to Akito, Akito never would’ve changed. She would’ve continued to be horrible and not feel regret for the things she’s done. I appreciate that she was trying to apologize, though. And there are things that I’ve forgiven her for. It’s the worst indiscretions that I can’t. How she treated Rin and Yuki, specifically. I know that she was projecting with Rin. But Rin was a child and an abuse victim herself. Out of all of them, Akito could’ve related to her. Akito knew. She used that instead to hurt Rin, and that is the one thing that I’ll never be okay with.

“They’ll need time. A whole lot.” Yes. And even then, it may not be enough. Some scars run so fucking deep that even time doesn’t help. I’ve healed from my trauma. It doesn’t impact me anymore. I’ve learned how to cope and move on and now utilize those skills to help others. I think time will help, though, and it may allow others to forgive Akito later.

Distance is the key here, I think. If they’re not around her, maybe forgiveness will come easier.

Wow, Akito taking what she learned from Tohru and reaching out to the maid? We love to see it.

#fruits basket #fruits basket spoilers #fruits basket manga #fruits basket manga spoilers #liveblogging #abuse tw #because i discuss it

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pettyprocrastination · 3 years

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I don't even know what I am asking for but can we get some headcannons for Stitches? Maybe some NSFW ones or possibly just some cute fluff showing the family dynamics with everyone? 🥺🥺

Thank you for gracing us with all your amazing work, it's honestly just, mwah - ✨

aaaa thank you so much!!! so I know this says nsfw but i also want to talk about stitches as a general gal (aka you) so were gonna delve into that a lil bit. (also sprinkle in a lil sumsum well see more of in future chapters)

@captainsamwlsn @cinewhore @ficsilike-reblogged (idk if i should tag those on the taglist for the fic because these are just short headcanons so uhh????)

You never went to college. Never felt the need to really. You worked from a young age for your father, even if you never thought of it as working. Sweeping up the shop when you got off from school as a child, sorting fabrics and clothes. He always told you he didnt want you to help “that’s why i have employees, little bee.” but you’d just smile wide and tell him you liked helping him.

At a young age you loudly told him you demanded he teach you how to sew. Because you wanted to grow up to be just like him. He began to teach you during breaks at work and everyday after you came home from school, it was a quick hobby for you to pick up. If you weren’t sewing, you were watching him sew, and taking mental note of how calm he was and how fluid he’d move his hands to adjust the fabric and so forth. Any scraps were quickly snatched up by your tiny hands and taken off to your own sewing machine where you’d fashion it into whatever little project you were working on.

Your father did actually want you to go to college. You were a smart kid, intuitive and stubborn, if you wanted something you would work until your bones ached to get you one step closer to it. He knew you were destined for more than this old shop, but everyday after finishing your homework you’d be by his side, listening intently as he taught you how to hem a dress and then excitedly showing him the latest shirt or stuffed animal you made.

Even well into highschool, he talked to you about nearby universities and even some out of state. Sure the money would be a tight squeeze but he’d do it, for you. You were his everything.

You gave in, told him you planned on taking a few economics classes at a local community college. “So i can help keep the shop running.” you told him with a proud smile.

He didn’t want you to run the shop. The place was doing well but he knew one day itd run into the ground. A mall was opening up nearby, he knew that would put them out of business for good. He just hoped it’d be by the time you were gone, in college and pursuing a good job, a stable career. He wanted to make you proud, and he did that more than enough when you were young. He didn't want to shatter your image of your old man as a business owner by letting you know the shop was going to die.

It wasn’t until the night of your junior prom that he finally gave in. When he saw you bounce down the stairs in a magnificent gown. Something that looked like it could be seen on a runway, something that surely could cost hundreds.

But he knew. From the way you giggled and twirled, that you had made it yourself.

“Made by yours truly! All the girls are gonna be so jealous! They're gonna wish they had come to us for their dresses!”

He knew then and there, you were gonna continue to bloom and create all your life. That he’d have to keep the business running for you to take over and watch it bloom

After prom, many girls came to you for your sewing services, often coming to you to make cheap copies of the latest brands and swarming you for dresses for graduation and future dances.

You began to take classes at the community college your senior year, doubling your workload. your father often found you snoozing at the dinner table, textbook open and smushed against your face.

He couldn’t have been more proud of you.

More about your father.

His name is edmund, but goes by Eddie!

This man has so many friends. He's the type of guy who smiles and the clouds part. He makes friends literally anywhere he goes.

Which in turn means that you had a metric shitton of adult friends growing up. Just random grown ups who'd come by for every holiday, pat you on the head and ask how school was.

It was odd at times, realizing how much of a large unconventional family you had. But at some moments it was comforting.

Like the two days you spent in the hospital after your father’s car crash. Many came and went, offering their comfort to you as you hoped and prayed for his survival and strength.

They offered their comfort once more at the funeral but you were less receiving then.

One of the closest men in your non-blood related family was Rodrigo. A portly man who owned a 24 hour restaurant just down the street from your sewing shop.

In your early twenties, you and his son Benjamin dated for a few months. You laughed and traveled and did all the stupid shit you were supposed to do in your twenties together, but ultimately decided you were better as friends.

But his father would always fondly call you the one that got away because his “dumbass of a son couldn't man up and make you his daughter-in-law.”

You never met your mother. Your father didn't have any pictures of her in the house either.

You would ask about her constantly as a child, he always gave you the same response.

“Your mama and I had a fleeting relationship little bee, it just wasn't in the cards for us to stick it out together.” He would always get this wistful smile though.

“But i'm okay with that. Because she gave me you. And you're the best damn thing that could've happened to me.”

In his last moments, your father had a smile on his face and realization in his eyes as if he saw somebody before him. Some nurses said he saw an angel, ready to lead him to heaven.

You always wondered if he saw your mother.

Though you had never seen the woman, you dreamt of her often. But they were always vague. A warm smile, a gentle caress to your cheek and a sweet voice speaking to you.

You never knew what she was saying, but you always felt safe with her.

if you couldn’t tell im back on my maxwell bullshit so if yall want some asks or headcanons feed ME BABEYYY

#maxwell lord x reader #maxwell lord x you #maxwell lord #valerie lord #valerie lord x reader #maxwell lord x valerie lord x reader #roosasut #wonder woman 1984 #WW1984 #uhhh idk id im missing tags or nkr #pedro Pascal #pedro pascal characters

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sweethq · 4 years

Text

♡ how you become friends // headcanon

𑁍 Characters: Iwaizumi Hajime, Kageyama Tobio, Kozume Kenma, Ushijima Wakatoshi

»»—Trigger warning(s): none—-««

➶ Genre: hmmm fluff?

-ˏˋ A/N: I’m eventually going to do one of these for all of the boys I write for so feel free to request who you want to see next! ˊˎ-

even though iwa seems like a big tough guy on the outside, we all know that he’s a softy and such a kind person

soooooo if he ever sees anyone being mistreated, he’s gonna want to put a stop to it

you didn’t have very many friends at school, none, actually

girls at school would always torment you for no reason, calling you a freak, an outcast

you didn’t really understand why they felt the need to be mean to you, but you learned that things were never going to change and that trying to stop it would make things worse

it was typical for them to make it a point to ruin your day in any way possible

whether it was steal your lunch money, trip you while you’re walking to your desk, or ruining your homework, they didn’t have a problem with doing it

things like this have been happening for a while, but iwaizumi never saw these events happen until one day when your paths happened to cross

it was in between periods when the same group of girls shoved you into a nearby locker, making you drop your textbooks and papers all over the floor

iwaizumi turned at the crashing sound, seeing you on the floor quickly trying to gather your belongings, the group of girls snickering as they walk away from your shaking figure

he started to make his way over to you, wanting to know if you were okay

before he could reach you, the bell rang signaling the start of next period

you grabbed your belongings and hurried off to class, not giving iwa the chance to approach you

the only reassuring thing about the torment is that they limited it to only once a day

unfortunately for you, they were feeling especially mean today

you had just bought your lunch and sat at an empty table, silently excited to eat your meal as you weren’t able to have one yesterday (they stole your money again :/)

but before you could take a single bite, they approached you once more

“you bought me lunch? how sweet!”

proceeded to take the food that sat in front of you before walking away, leaving you with an empty table and an empty stomach

iwaizumi also noticed this event, he had been keeping a close eye on you all lunch period to make sure that nothing else would happen, but it did

he quickly made his way over to your table, soon hating the sight of your frowning face

when he sat down in front of you, you both just stared at each other i mean, i would if that big chunk of man was sitting across from me hhh

“are you okay? i saw what those girls did, are they always that mean to you?”

you just gave a small nod, wondering why the vice captain of the volleyball club was suddenly so interested in you

“here, we can share my lunch.” he handed half of his sandwich to you

“n-no, that’s okay!!! i’m not hungry..”

deadass rolls his eyes at you haha

“yes you are. eat it. oh, and if they ever bother you again, just let me know. i have no problem with telling them off.”

ha the way you meet kageyama is the best

it was like any other day, you had just inserted the money into the vending machine to grab yourself your daily box of milk

because you need your ~ c a l c i u m ~

however, you were not aware that this routine also belonged to another, and that other person happened to be standing right behind you, watching you purchase the last milk carton

you grabbed the milk from the vending machine and took a step to the side so that the person waiting behind you could take their turn

you noticed that the boy didn’t step closer to the vending machine but rather stayed glued to his spot

you shrugged and continued to detach the straw from the box and insert it at the top

as you were about to take your first sip, the boy spoke

“w-wait”

he was staring at you, eyes wide and meeting your confused ones

“uh, can i help you?”

“can i have that?” he was pointing at the milk carton that you held in your hand

you looked at the boy before asking him why he couldn’t just buy one himself

you even showed him the other milk cartons in the vending machine window after he tried to argue that you took the last one

“but i don’t want those ones”

“why not?”

“they... they don’t have an animal on the box…..”

you lOst it

you couldn’t breathe knowing that this tall, intimidating boy just told you that he only wanted to drink milk out of the boxes that had cartoon animals drawn on them

it was easily one of the most hilarious things you had ever experienced thus far

you decided to give him the milk that you had just purchased, not wanting the boy to have a permanent pout on his face

“okay, you can have this one. but, you have to buy me two tomorrow”

unlike the others, you actually met kenma when you guys were kids

you had just moved into a new neighborhood so your mom wanted to greet your neighbors and made you go with her

honestly, you didn’t really mind

i mean, all a seven year old wants is to make new friends, and this was a great way to do that

kenma lived in the house across from yours, which happened to be the last house you decided to visit

you were kinda bummed because the other three houses you had already went to didn’t have any kids your age; they were either too young, too old, or nonexistent

after your mom knocked on the door, a woman around the same age as your mom appeared

your eyes lit up when you noticed a boy your age sitting in front of the TV playing a video game

the lady, who you assumed was his mom, saw your bright expression and called the boy over to say hi

he slowly walked up to the three of you, his golden eyes peering through his long black hair

he stuck to his mother’s side like glue, his small hand firmly clutching the bottom of her blouse

“hi, i’m y/n! what’s your name?”

he just stared at you lmao

you were not going to give up. nope. you were gonna make a friend today if it killed you

“do you like video games? i like them too. whatcha playin?”

“dO YOU WANT TO COME IN AND PLAY WITH ME?”

to this day, this is the most emotion you have ever seen him display ha

it was like a fricken switch was flipped lol

poor boy didn’t have any friends to play video games with

so he was more than happy to invite this strange kid into his house just so he had a playmate

and ever since that day, you and kenma have been the closest of friends

you are NOT a morning person

so it’s no surprise that the first place you go in the morning is to the coffee shop down the block for your daily pick-me-up before school

you’ve had this routine for so long that all of the workers know you and have your order already made by the time you walk through the door

and likewise, you always have the exact amount of money ready to hand to one of the workers

everything was the same as all of the other days, except one thing

you had stayed up all night working on your studies and thinking about all of the problems that were occurring in your personal life wow its as if i’m writing this about myself

that said, you were 1000% more tired than you usually were

so tired that after you paid and picked up your iced coffee from the counter, you decided that it was a good idea to close your eyes for a couple of seconds while you were walking out the door

wHatS tHe wORsT tHiNg tHaT cOUld hAppEN

yeah so to your surprise, you end up running into a rather large figure

by ‘large figure’ i mean absolutely ginormous

and by ‘running into’ i mean completely knocking into them and pouring your drink all over their chest

you continuously apologized to the person in front of you, not even bothering to look up at them

but when you did, oh boy

that was one way to wake yourself up

ushijima wakatoshi stood in front of you with a blank stare on his face, his shirt soaked with coffee

if there was ever a time where you wanted to crawl into a corner and cry, this would be it

you had seen him around school and new that he was the captain of the volleyball club

you also knew how hard he can spike a volleyball and that he was notorious for being extremely intimidating

you were hoping that he wasn’t picturing your head as a volleyball

you were more than confused when he asked you if you were okay

you just stared at him like he was crazy

i just ran into you and got coffee all over your uniform but you ask me if im okay?? tf

even offers to buy you another coffee??????????

you start to believe that he wasn’t as bad or scary that people made him out to be

he’s just a giant teddy bear who wants friends uwu

#haikyuu #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu!!#hq #haikyuu social media #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu writers #iwaizumi hajime #iwaizumi x reader #kageyama tobio #kageyama x reader #kozume kenma #kenma x reader #ushijima wakatoshi #ushijima x reader

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blu-eh · 3 years

Text

ok its 12:30 am but i watched raya and the last dragon for the second time today and there are still some parts that like. i just Dont Understand so my Thoughts (tm) about the movie under the cut. spoilers, obviously

- firstly: sword lesbians. thats all

- disney is too much of a coward to make them actual lesbians so they went the queer baiting route instead. i see you disney. we all see you.

- honestly, watching the movie, the dragon designs did not bother me as much as i thought they would. like, i very much think they could have been better but at the same time...they were not horrible. so that was cool. i rlly liked the scene where sisu was swimming. compared to moana though, some of the water animation was weird like characters should’ve appeared wet when they werent but...water is hard to animate so

-animation was on point oh my god. it was a really visually beautiful movie. i thought the dragon designs clashed with the human design but it wasnt like, the worst.

-it was a COOL world. i wouldve loved to learn more about it

-captain boun was my favorite character and i adore him. i would adopt him

-found family. nice

-the asian culture was SO cool. loved that. i love the things they incorporated

-that scene with raya, boun, and sisu on the boat where they put the flowers in the water was SO good. i loved that

-also loved the scene where sisu reveals her dragon form, like, can we say...... iconic

-but there were plot holes/things i did not understand oh my god and i cant tell if this is a cultural thing or if the movie didnt explain it well or if i just missed things but:

-like what IS the plague (i forgot the name)???? WHY does it feed on humans?? where did it come from?? “born from human discord” is cool and all but that explains. nothing. is it feeding on them?? is it even alive?? like what is the purpose? the end goal? why is it there? why does it hate water??????? if its bred by human discord, then WHY did it not show up during the literal 500 years of Actual War that happened. did the gem keep it away??? if so, why did it return???? they have been fighting a Lot Longer than that single night

-literally why did the dragons not come back the first time. i dont understand. what made it any different the second time with weaker magic??

-does this magic ball have a two time limit like...why did the magic fade. because it was cracked??? why would it start fading at that exact moment and not like, over the six years that it was cracked before. why did it still work when simple put back together like a puzzle. how did it crack so perfectly??

-i have a feeling a lot of the answers to my questions will be “magic” and idk how to feel about that

-GOING BACK TO THE WATER THING.....does sisu have powers??? the movie obviously implied she was a water dragon but we saw maybe ONE scene where she used these powers and it was literally never explained. you couldve had a cool story arc about sisu coming into her powers or having an inferiority complex because her siblings have powers but she doesn’t (which could tie in to why it was such a big deal that they trusted her) but like....we dont see that at all and im still confused on that aspect

- nine main characters (raya, boun, tong, noi, the three monkeys, sisu, and namaari) is a LOT to balance. i had to google everyones name just now besides boun & raya because i literally could not keep up with a cast that big. like, they were fine main characters but a couple of them just felt...flat (ie tong & noi & the monkey things. im not even sure why the monkeys were there). its a struggle too because a couple of them didnt even show up until more than half way through the movie so.

- the movie was very heavy handed on the theme of “trust” which like, yes, good theme but honestly if someone backstabbed me not once but TWICE.....i would not trust them. ALMOST THREE TIMES. plus, like trust almost got sisu killed in talon so.....idk what the purpose of that scene was??? it seemed very much the opposite of the theme.....but also there is such a huge differences between trusting your brothers and sisters (in sisu’s case) vs. trusting someone who (see: previous trust) had resulted in the “death” of your dad AND friend...like that is fundamentally different. i think the theme couldve explored “learning to trust AFTER FORGIVENESS” like there was a very weak redemption arc. idk

-what even was the fang’s leader’s plan??? “we wont give raya a choice but we will get sisu” like firstly, sisu is a dragon. she is not going anywhere unless she wants two. secondly: why?????????? and third: they literally never explain what this plan was. there is no way this woman knew that raya was just going to show up and offer her daughter a chance at redemption (which she fails. miserably. i literally dont think its raya’s fault at all for her reaction with the crossbow like......see: betrayal history and literally hunting raya down for a couple months (years?)

- WHY DID THE STONE PEOPLE FREEZE IN THAT SPECIFIC POSITION. we have LITERALLY everyone turn to stone in the same position with the cupped hands yet tong and noi and boun and namaari all just...didnt freeze in that position. i dont understand why some people were turned to stone in a specific position and some werent

-why did the water disappear after sisu “died”??? like did she truly die and the water just left because she died?? that would mean that dragons have the power to revive other dragons, but at the same time, don’t they only have a single magical power??? how does this work

-going back on the single magical power thing: HOW could all the dragons do the little flying thing??? i was under the impression that sisu could only do that AFTER she got the power from her rain brother but those other dragons were able to do it just fine. is this just a dragon thing??? can they all do this?? does this count as a single power??

-there was one point in the movie where all the dragons jumping down the cliff looked like worms on strings and i had to pause the movie because i was laughing so hard

- this wouldve been a really cool series instead of a two hour movie but i feel like they tried to fit too much into a short time frame

-i did not care for the soundtrack imo :( it was pretty disappointing

-OVERALL i think its a FINE movie like its good and you should see it and support movies with asian casts and culture because the cultural aspect was REALLY COOL. i am just extra critical because its a disney movie but like.......i feel like disney had the funding and the team to make this movie great but didnt want to take the risk in case they lost money on it so there are a lot of things that just felt....incomplete

#this got rlly long and im sure there are some other things but also ehhhhhhhh #disney couldve done better #and i feel like they crippled the story writers/animators on purpose because it is a movie abt asian culture #and it had the potential to flop #also............yet again disney is a coward re: lgbt+ content so #raya and the last dragon #spoilers #raya and the last dragon spoilers #i feel like i am overthinking a childrens movie but also. come on #a single ling couldve solved a lot of the confusion on this i think

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otterplusharchive · 3 years

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rey! do you have any recs for kdramas? i have never watched any, but i like lovable characters and romance ? thank you in advance!

I DO IN FACT HAVE DRAMA RECS HII not all of these will be kdramas, but ill start with the kdramas ive watched and enjoyed and ill include all the warnings for them that i can remember off the top of my head and a brief synopsis for u!

kdramas-

1. weight lifting fairy kim bok joo

this was probably one of the first kdramas i saw people post about in like 2015 and i watched a little bit of it in 2016 but then only just got around to finishing it last year. the basic gist of it is its about a young sports college weight lifter, kim bok joo, centering around her navigating through her life and trying to figure out who she is and what she wants in life and what she wants to be. her romantic interest in the show is a swimmer and they have a sort of rivals to friends to lovers, he is SO in love with her and its adorable. i absolutely loved the side characters in this show theyre all so fun and kim bok joos best friends and weight lifting team are especially delightful. my main warning would be that this show addresses eating disorders and theres a lot of mention of both weight gain and weight loss, theres also a plot point early on where kim bok joo has a crush on her eventual love interests older brother but it gets resolved and the older brother literally goes "i didnt realize you had a crush on me and if i knew that i wouldnt have been so friendly with you, it would be completely innapropriate for us to be in a relationship". overall its a really sweet and emotional fun show but if you have issues with weight talk id skip this one

2. tale of the nine tailed

this one is really recent from last year and i didnt expect to be so hooked by it but boy howdy did i get attached to all the characters and the wild plot. it feels hard to explain the plot but basically a nine tailed fox named lee yeon is living in modern day seoul and is working for the underworld finding paranormal spirits/creatures/other rogue foxes that are causing havoc on the world, hes resigned himself to living this life while waiting for his girlfriend who died tragically 600 years ago to come back to life because he traded his status as a mountain god in order to ensure that her soul would one day be reincarnated. a plucky investigative journalist named nam ji ah figures out that hes not human and shenanagins ensue because she looks exactly like his dead girlfriend oooooo whatll happen. the plot beyond that gets really wild and its hard to explain and is easier to just watch. if u enjoy paranormal adventures this one is good. my one big complaint and issue with this is that the immortal mountain spirit meets his original girlfriend when shes a child and she continues to visit him off and on as she grows up which is Hm I Dont Like That! but thankfully the present time romance our female lead meets him when shes about 30 if im remembering right. also warnings for general fantasy violence, references to child abuse, animal death, and abandonment issues

3. extraordinary you

HUGE unreality warning for this. if you have issues with feeling unreal or have paranoia/delusions about not being a real person id avoid this one just because of its premise

ok i know i said tale of the nine tailed was a hard plot to explain but BOY extraordinary you is even HARDER to explain. because its so wild but so good. its about a girl who realizes that she is literally a side character in a comic book, and the story becomes her trying to change the story to save her character from dying but it becomes a lot more than that. the romance in this is literally tooth achingly sweet and the show itself is very pretty, i loved the side characters in this one and the show was engaging and interesting to watch it became really layered and meta. super reccomend this one honestly. my main issues/warnings that i can remember off the top of my head were just one character being the classic controlling boyfriend stereotype, bullying someone specifically for being poor, unreality like i mentioned before, and then at the very end there was this love interest for a side character who got reincarnated from a past piece of writing that they had been in and put in the comic but she was a student and he was the school cook which is weird but thankfully they like barely interact at all and theres no real romance he just like recognizes her and its barely a thing at the end of the show but its still weird

4. mystic pop up bar

big warning for suicide, sexual harrasment (which is framed as being bad and the guy whos harrassing the girl literally gets thrown off a roof)

i havent finished this one yet and thats mainly because im not emotionally ready because this one makes me soooo emotional. if you like found family this is a good one. its about a pop up bar run by a woman whos been tasked with solving the problems of a certain amount of people in order to atone for her crimes in the past before dying, shes able to enter the dreams of people and solve their issues using the information she gets in the dreams. paranormal shenanagins ensue, she acquires a son and a husband and it kills me its so fun and quirky and fun despite handling dark themes and peoples problems. also very sweet the found family murders me

5. kingdom (netflix original)

i literally am not going to be able to watch any other zombie media because kingdom and train to busan are the best pieces of zombie media ive ever seen. warnings for gore and violence and just general horror aspects.

i absolutely love this one its so thrilling and well done, i love the acting and the way that this show looks its absolutely gorgeous. a zombie plague breaks out in joseon period korea where the emperor has died and then was brought back to life by the queen and her father in a ploy to try and keep their family in political power, the crown prince must find answers. a lot more happens and its very dramatic and good i love the characters in this one

cdramas

1. the untamed. if you follow me and you havent watched the untamed im begging you to watch the untamed. literally one of the most beautiful stories ive experienced in my life i am not joking when i say i cried multiple times over it. the main characters are canonically gay in love and have a son together please watch the untamed. handles a lot of dark themes, heres a tw guide

2. the sleuth of the ming dynasty

this is another one i havent finished but its fun so far, very gay, found family, food, and solving murder mysteries during the ming dynasty

3. hikaru no go (also known as qi hun)

havent finished this one, there is some propaganda about hong kong in the first episode but as far as i know thats the only instance of something like that in the show

this ones about the game go and so far its very sweet and fun, local boy awakens a ghost who was a master of the game of go hundreds of years ago and eventually is persuaded to learn how to play go with the aid of the ghost. im really liking this one so far its very cute and i love the characters in it. if youve watched the untamed nie huaisangs actor ji li is in this one!

4. the legend of yunqian

this ones very short and on youtube, all the episodes are about 5 minutes long and its a lesbian time travel fantasy adventure with a happy ending! funny and cute

jdramas

1. cherry magic

please please please watch cherry magic. the premise sounds very much like a weird yaoi kind of thing but trust me on this. trust me. it is so heart warming and sweet and i was so emotional about it and the growth of the main character.

adachi gains the power to read peoples minds on his 30th birthday based off a urban legend that if youre a 30 year old virgin that youll become a wizard. after gaining this power he accidentally finds out that his extremely popular and handsome coworker has a crush on him, and shenanagins ensue along with adachi having blossoming feelings in return. this show was really refreshing in a lot of ways, adachi is a main character who like.. is unsure of himself and insecure in a very kind of realistic way, he closes himself off and is afraid to reach out to people and through the course of the show we see him slowly come out of his shell and realize that hes likeable and lovable and that people want to be around him and its so nice to see. my main complaint about this show is that i dont really like the background couple, but otherwise this is a very sweet and refreshing gay romance that has a happy ending!

some others that i myself havent seen but that ive seen people talk about a lot and that i want to watch eventually:

- the legend of fei (cdrama)

- the wolf (cdrama)

- gaurdian (cdrama, not the kdrama one called goblin)

- healer (kdrama, i did watch some of this one but it was in 2016 and i never finished it so i barely remember any of it but i do remember liking it)

- nobody knows (kdrama)

- its ok to not be ok (kdrama)

sorry this is so long but i hope youll be able to find a drama u enjoy!!

#long post

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theravencawsatmidnight · 4 years

Text

Part Two

W! Drinking, stabby stab, attempted Non C but it does not happen .

Touya,21.The drunk Future King whose only interest is whores and brothels

Natsuo.18. The Middle Sibling who is just like his father

Shoto.16.the youngest and most reserved, has no interest in marriage but would like a companion

Reader is a rebellious princess in a falling Kingdom and is sent off to live with the Todorokis in hopes of marriage to save her family. But Reader has other plans in mind.

tags/ @no-post-ghost @yoonbbyboy @pinkjellychan @squeaky-ducky

You wasted no time ditching the family for the courtyard after dashing out of the carriage and right past Enji, you were over Natsuo and his creepy behaviour and over this whole arrangement. With a groan you stopped next to some trees and slipped between two large oaks to conceal yourself for a minute. You sat down hugging your knees panting slightly. It was a pretty courtyard, full of flowers funny enough since only men seemed to lived in this rotten castle.

So what now? The King would not be happy at your actions but if he tried to hurt you it would hinder his plans for his precious sons. So you were safe for the most part. The oldest, Touya did not really seem interested in courting you anyway, to focused on his drinking and keeping his brother in line.

The thought of Natsuo made you gag and cough a bit, what an awful person and he's gonna be King eventually? Maybe you could cut his balls off to save whoever marries him. Sighing you relaxed against the tree letting one leg down admiring the clouds that rolled on by, the sky seemed more blue here than at your Kingdom too you, weird.

“Uhm…?” said a voice, it sounded skittish.

You rolled your head to the left to see a boy about Shotos age looking at you, he had royal clothes on and had crazy green hair. You tilted your head at this boy and brought your legs down so you were criss cross.

“Yes?” you asked curiously

“Is Shoto around?”

“I think so , the main entrance.”

“O-oh uh, okay, i can wait here then. May i sit by you? My names Izuku of Midoriya Manor”

“Sure kid,” you scooted over a bit for him to join you.”Y/n of Alastar”

“Oh thanks !” he sat by you but seemed to be looking around

“Something on your mind?”

“Oh uh n-no, im just waiting for Shoto, his father does not a-aprove of me so we have too …” he trailed off rubbing the back of his head.

“Hm? Well your safe with me kid, i doubt that big ape approves of me too.”

“Are you to be wed?”

“Sadly.”

“Uh- uhm!,” he rubbed his hands together. “You seem really cool and can protect yourself..” he told you, pointing to the knife on your person. “Just watch out for the middle sibling okay?”

You got up patting your butt free of dirt and Shoto squeezed through the trees to see you and Izuku. Shoto hugged Izuku and the two sighed with relief to see each other.

“y/n. Touya wants to see you to show you around, hes at the stables, around the corner from here”

“Okay Shoto, izuku was waiting for you, i never saw him though.”

The youngest gave you a gentle smile and a nod as thanks.

Squeezing back through the trees you strolled around the courtyard admiring the flowers before meeting up with Touya. No sign of the King or his creepy son , the courtyard had a large apple tree in its center but it only had one apple on it and it looked to be rotten which was weird. It's definitely apple season. Hm. thinking nothing of it you made your way around the large castle to see the stables and Touya petting a large black and white mare of the face in long strokes.

“Whos a pretty girl ? you you you” he cooed at the sleepy horse.

“Dont take you for a animal lover” you joked walking up to him. “Wheres idiot 1 and 2?”

“My father is giving Natsuo a talking to so im trusted to show you around” he pointed to the castle “thats the castle” he pointed to a stray window at the top “thats your room”

“A five star tour i see” you pet the horse admiring its coat. “ lovely colors”

“Reminds me of my life from before” he told you while taking out his flask to drink.

“Hm? Whats that mean? And whos this Izuku that was sneaking around?”

Touya sat down in a empty stable drinking more before answering you. “Thats Shotos boyfriend, dont tell anyone or i will kill you myself. Im the only one who knows”

“i wouldn't do that Touya, he said Enji does not approve of him?”

“Yep” he fell into some hay drinking more. “They want to leave when they turn 18 and have a farm, im helping make it happen”

You sat down by the hay watching this man drink his life away , he had not one care in the world, unless it was Shoto related.

Some time passed and you and Touya were sharing the flask now.

“So .. what did you mean by your life from before?”

“Mmmm… i was going to be a father, at least.. Thats what i was told.” he sat up pushing his hair outta his face. She was a brothel worker and i had gotten her pregnant.”

You listened to him taking note of the hint of sadness in his voice.

“I was excited, i wanted to be a dad.” he told you looking over at the horse.”she had black and white hair, i called her my little… berry.., i did everything right, i told her she could live with me and be a Princess and we could be happy. But i also told her i did not want her working the brothel anymore obviously,”

He brought his knees up laying his elbows over them looking at the ground between his legs. “She told me she would stop but something felt weird so i checked on her and she was still working it. I confronted her and she said she needed the money for the baby and i told her i have more money than i know what to do with, the months went on and she eventually stopped, her bump was small and everytime i felt it , i dont know. It felt off. One day i woke up early and looked over at her, she was asleep on her stomach and .. she was too far align to be doing that.” he looked up at you, his eyes slightly red. “ she lied to me, for my status, my wealth, my name, it was some kind of material to seem like a bump, she tried to tell me it was my fault.”

“Touya…”

He ignored you. “What she said stung more than the faked pregnancy. I had to know, for sure. So i contacted a witch and she performed some kind of spell on me and ..and..”

You moved closer, placing your hand on his arm , he took a big drink and lowered his head again. “ i cant… have children… “

You pulled this man into your arms trying your best to comfort him. He just cursed up a storm and told you how excited he was, how he was going to move away as soon as Shoto left with izuku and start an even bigger family with the woman he loved. Touya wanted his own Kingdom but in a quiet place no one knew about where he could be happy.

“Everyday… i curse Natsuo, he does not deserve to have children” he pushed himself off you to wipe his eyes. “ no one knows this about me y/n”

“Touya its safe with me”

“I have no interest in getting married anymore, i dont care.”

“Thats perfectly okay Touya”

He sniffled not looking at you. “Thank you for listening, you should get settled into your room, top floor last door on the left.”

“Youll be okay?” you asked, getting up

“Nope” he got up walking past you “but thats just how i like it” he waved not looking back as he headed into town.

The castle was full of expensive things: statues, paintings, rugs, swords. Anything you could think of. Big wide open rooms with ceilings higher than you had ever seen. It smelled like the kitchen was to your right and the main rooms looked to be up the rug covered stairs. You could hear Enji yelling at Natsuo when you got to the top , you snuck by peeking in every room you passed, looked like bedrooms. You heard a door slam and looked over your shoulder to see Natsuo brooding outside the door talking to himself.

You slipped into your room and scanned around the giant room, pretty bed, too girly honestly. A wooden vanity with glass in it and a couple windows. You checked outside them all , dammit. Nothing to really grab on to for a quick escape? You thought on it inspecting more and suddenly you were grabbed from behind and flipped over and pressed against the window, your hair blowing in the wind.

Natsuo was pinning you down looking very angry with you. You stuck your chin out at him reaching down for you knife.

“Yes ? your highness?” “I should … should… “ he pressed harder into your shoulders. “You . so mean, you made a fool of .. of me? In front of my father? I ?” his gaze dropped and he grabbed the knife tossing it out the window . his voice got louder and he shook you. “ they tell me i should kill you !! but!! My voices arent always!!.. Correct so …”

“Let me go !! get these gross hands off me !” you fought his grip and he threw you onto the bed pinning you from behind. “ why are you so … SO SO difficult? Im a future KING im in CHARGE not YOU” he reached back fussing with his belt and you got very still.

“Is that why your upset hm? I hurt your ego?” you asked looking back”pitty” with a quick snap of your arm a second knife shot out of your left sleeve and stabbed Natsuo in the arm. He cried out falling back and you pushed him out fo your room. “Sorry, no middle siblings allowed” you slammed the door locking it and pushing some heavy furniture in front of the door for the time being.

You could hear Natsuo crying in pain in the hall but you did not really care, it sounded like he was walking away and you finally… finally..alone. You sunk down to your knees” what the fuck man…”

#BadApplesFic #todoroki brothers #shoto x reader #touya x reader #natsuo x reader

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estrxlar · 3 years

Text

The Ghost Of You

01 - You’re Familiar

This chapters songs:

Daughter Of A Cop; TV Girl

I Hope To Be Around; Men I Trust

Weird Fishes/Arpeggi; Radiohead

—

— Y. L. Perspective

My breath got louder and louder each second I ran. With my bento box hitting my hips, bag tossing around, and my skirt flying up, there was no way things could get any worse.

But luckily just around the corner, I spotted students climbing onto it, which made my feet run even faster.

Near late on my first day? Damn, Y/n, way to start your year.

Just then, I heard the sharp hiss of the engine, sending me faster towards the vehicle than I had been pacing myself before. But still, the driver was ignorant, obviously not caring how much I needed this. It wasn't like my parents would take me anyways.

"WAIT..! PLEASE WAIT!" I started on the side of the bus, running side to side with the wheels. After a few seconds of loud disruption, it finally stopped. The break was hard, and students inside were heard making remarks of protest.

Sure, I felt bad for the people who had to get a brake check, but I on the other hand was completely out of breath and near dead. Couldn't they spare me?

"I'm, I'm so.. I'm so sorry I.." My breath is short, and loud while I breathe in and out, trying my best to try and explain my tardiness to the driver. He simply sighs, gesturing for me to seat myself already.

While I stumbled down the aisle, I received a few weird glances from fellow students. Some familiar and some new. I couldn't tell if it was because of my reputation, or because I looked like a hot mess. Either way, it was too early in the morning for one to give a damn. And so, I seat myself next to another student, finally resting from the marathon I had just run.

I sighed, rolling my head back, and placed my fingers on my temples. 'I probably look like a mess right now.' I thought, letting out a huge sigh. Once I sat my fingers back down onto my lap, I observed more of the people I was surrounded by.

Some third years I was familiar with, a few that wouldn't dare speak to me, and some that were strangers. Other second and first years I didn't know at all; throughout high school, I thought it'd be best to stay hidden and introverted, especially if I were to become popular in the music industry. Lots of young stars still went to school, and usually got dirt easily thrown onto their title and that's exactly what I would avoid this year.

Bringing me back to reality, I capture a peek coming from the boy I was seated next to. He had fluffy gray hair and seemed just as tired as me. But the bus was so dark, I couldn't completely make out his features.

"Something wrong?" I said to him.

He jumped a little, adjusting his eyes back down to his phone. "S-sorry, I didn't mean to stare. I just- I think I know you from somewhere."

"Lots of people know me, buddy—" I lifted my head, facing him. 'Hey, this guy does pretty familiar. But there's no way I'd forget a face like his. Then again, I have the memory of an 80-year-old woman.' I think to myself, examining his features in an awkward mood.

"Wow, it is you. (Y/n), it's been quite a while!" He smiled widely, reaching a hand out to me. I only froze, too confused to comprehend the situation. "You have no idea how glad I am to see you're doing well!"

"I-Im sorry?" I question, wondering why a stranger would confront me this way. But something was off— I knew him, I just couldn't remember where from. Maybe from previous classes, or from a concert?

He turns slightly, growing a smile on his pale face. "I was trying to figure out if it was you or not, but it is! It's great to see you're better. How are you?"

"Who are you?" I ask back, a bit frightened.

"Uhm, well, I sat next to you in math class during my first year. Remember? I was a little ditzy, kind of annoying, I never shut up about volleyball..?" He asks, hoping to get a hint of nostalgia. "Come on, you've gotta recognize me, right?"

"Wait, Sugawara!" My finger jumps out, pointing to his sitting figure. "I'm sorry I couldn't recognize you! It sure has been quite a while. But I definitely remember you, now! You were one of the people who talked to me during my first year.. thanks for that. Anyways, how've you been?"

"I think that's my line, L/n." Suga pats my shoulder, then places his hand onto his lap. "You've changed so much! I've gotta know how you're doing!"

"I-I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing in your perspective, but thanks anyway. I've been doing just fine." I explain before a yawn escapes my mouth. Sure, this conversation was energetic, but I certainly wasn't.

"Again, so very sorry for being so forgetful. I don't remember much from first year, especially not anything in math, but I sure do recognize you now." I say, hoping my rudeness from before wouldn't have any effect on how he viewed me. Not that I cared, of course.

Luckily, Sugawara was forgiving that day. With a wide grin, he replies, "No need to apologize. People change drastically during high school; we're no exceptions. Although, I would've enjoyed being mutuals with you throughout most of it! I wonder why I haven't seen you around until today... I believe the last time we had talked was around the last day of first year."

"Yeah, we didn't have any classes together. If we had, I'm sure we would have stirred up a discussion. You seem very kind. " I gently smile, rubbing the nape of my neck. I tend to forget any bad memories, and the beginning of high school sure was a fat one.

"What a shame, you too seem wonderful.." He comments, gazing towards me for a split second, before reverting his focus. "A-anyways, it's a bit of a surprise I saw you here. Have you always ridden the bus? I usually take it in the mornings as well."

"I've actually just moved into this neighborhood. My parents work more hours than ever, so they decided it's best if I'm closer to school so that I can get to school and back quickly." I explain, tapping the sage green bento in my lap, before setting it on my side.

Sugawara nods, understanding the circumstances. "That makes sense. I'm sure you'll enjoy it now that you've got a friend in the neighborhood. Although, a girl like you must be quite familiar, right?"

'Is that intended to be disrespectful, or am I just tripping?' I think to myself, asking him to spell out the meaning of that remark. "I'm sorry, what? A girl like me?"

"Oh, crap! I didn't mean that to sound rude— I meant because of your band! I understand you guys are the talk around school, considering you're getting pretty popular in the field."

A sigh of relief leaves my lips, preparatory to my correction. "Oh, my band. I'm not sure I necessarily make friends, more like connections and acquaintances. Only a couple of students know about the band, and usually just the down-low ones. But enough about me, what about you, hm? I assume still volleyball obsessed."

I had obviously steered in the wrong direction with our conversation, for Suga's aura quickly altered at the mention of the sport. "Eh, I'm not as excited about it as I used to be." He says, along with a hint of dissatisfaction in his raspy voice.

"No way. What happened to cheerful Sugawara who asked me, the lamest, to join the girls' team?" I ask, hoping a bit of that childish personality was still inside the older version of Suga. The one which was taller, more masculine, more of a man than before.

"Honestly, can't tell you. 'Teams has been a mess ever since I've joined." He leans back in his seat, stretching his arms out, before placing them around his neck from behind. "We're hanging on my a very thin thread."

"Dang, that really sucks. You never know, things can always turn out better." I say, doing as he did, and resting against the leather seats.

"Yeah, of course. I guess it's pretty hard to keep going after so many fails, haha." A sad chuckle leaves his mouth, as he sighs.

"Anyway, nice talking. I'm outta take a quick power nap; I barely got sleep last night. Mind waking me up when we get to school?"

"Yeah, of course," Sugawara replies. With that, I'm left with laying music in my ears like always, and nodded off to slumber.

—

"Hey, sleepyhead. We're at school," I hear someone say, feeling a tap of a cold finger on my nose. Almost immediately, I shoot up from my position, standing directly above Sugawara while students leave the bus with their bags, having loud discussions of excitement. Was there anything more embarrassing than falling asleep on someone who ghosted you as a friend?

"Dear God, I'm terribly sorry." I panic, brushing down my blue skirt. "That happens on rides, it was a mistake."

"Oh, it's no big deal! Don't worry—" Suga chuckles, standing up from sitting. But before I could let him talk anymore, I started making my way towards the exit of the bus.

"Uhm, I've gotta go! Great talking, though. I'll catch you later, have a good day," I mumble, before frantically leaving the vehicle. 'What a morning.'

— K. S. Perspective

Before I could grant Y/n a polite goodbye, she'd disappeared in just a few seconds. But even so, the measly to,e I'd discussed with her was quite enjoyable. I couldn't believe how much she'd changed.

Long ago, the beginning of high school, Y/n was the type of girl you could barely see, as if she were invisible. I think the only reason I ever even noticed her was because we were seated next to each other in math class, and she immediately caught my attention. But thank goodness I had at least tried making an effort to talk to her, or else we wouldn't have had our conversation this morning. But it wasn't her fault she was so gloomy; supposedly she had lost someone close to her the year before.

Although our talk was brief, it still meant a lot to me. Especially since I was informed that she was finally happy. Looking down at the seat she used, there was a small box with a handle at the top, and a few anime stickers covering it.

'Is this what was making that loud tapping noise on the way here?' I asked myself, examining the box more. Small initials marked 'Y.L.' We're at the bottom, informing me it was Y/n's. At first, I considered handing it to our bus driver, but for the few years I've known him I learned he doesn't return lost things. And so, I leave the bus with it in my hands, ready to start my morning.

"Suga!" I hear a familiar voice call out to me. Looking up, I see my friend, Daichi, and another fellow behind him, Tanaka. The two of them jog towards me, with their scarfs unfolding in the wind. Both I had met in volleyball, and they've been my buddies ever since.

"Hey, Sugawara!" Tanaka exclaims, roughly slapping my back. The bento tosses in my hands, thankfully not spilling onto the floor. Unfortunately, he notices the box and snatches it right out of my hold. "Wow, feeling a bit girly, are we?"

I laugh in response, quickly taking it back. "It's not mine, it belongs to the person who sat next to me today. Hopefully, if I see her again I can give return it."

"Hopefully?" Daichi teases, as we all begin our walk towards the school doors. "Do you know her name?"

"Yeah, her name's Y/n. Know her?"

He lights up at the mention of their name, replying "Oh, I know her! That girl you never shut up about I in first year, correct?"

"Ha, yeah."

Tanaka doesn't understand, digging deeper into the situation. "What?! I've never known good ole' Suga to genuinely have feelings for a girl, unless it was some fling."

"I don't! I used to. There's a difference." I say, as we enter the building.

"If she rides your bus, then why don't you just give it to the driver? She'll probably go looking for it later at the end of the day. That is unless you wanna see her again.." Daichi teases me.

"You see, I would. But the bus driver is sort of a thief, and this girl has had a rough morning as it is. I just wanna be nice." I explain to him. Though a part of me did want to see her again and hope that we could talk longer than we did before.

"Sure you do," Tanaka says, patting our backs. "Listen, this is my stop. I'll catch you guys at practice?"

"Sure thing, bye." We say our farewells, and make our way towards the third-year halls. "What about you, Daichi? Got anything exciting happening this hour?"

"If stressing about volleyball counts, then yes! Most definitely.." He says, clearing his throat. "Watch, like, two people show up."

"Actually, Kiyoko informed us in the group chat that we've got at least four! That's better than last year, right?" I try my best to cheer him up, but it only made him even more nervous. I couldn't blame him. Too much was even more of a burden, but too little was a disappointment and would leave us exactly where we left off.

"It's okay, Suga. I have a lot of faith in our team. I know it's been rough lately, but as long as we try our best, we'll work this out." Daichi smiles, turning towards a separate hallway than mine. "I'm off to homeroom. See you later!"

"Yeah, see ya!" I'm left by myself, giving me more time to focus on what should happen today. - 1st, I have to go through each class and say hi to a couple of familiars, and hopefully not see anyone I've had a conflict with.

- 2nd, I had to give Y/ns bento back to them, but that could only happen if we happened to have a class with each other before, or if we had the same lunch.

- 3rd, volleyball tryouts were this afternoon. I had to make sure and represent myself as a role model, and make it clear I was vice-captain. I wanted nothing more than for the new players to feel safe.

But internally, I knew none of those plans would work out. Especially if I wasn't focused on them. Currently, all I could think about was Y/n, and how refreshing it felt to be around her again. When I was first around her was at the same time when things in my life started to fall apart, and my little crush on her made me feel better about it all. I guess you could say she was my comfort corner, even if she talked to me only once or twice during the week. And sometimes on her bad days, I would be able to at least get a laugh out of her, even if it meant making a complete fool out of myself.

All I wanted was for her not to harm herself or feel lonely, which took a quick turn towards me once the year had ended. Not only had my thing for her end, but my family soon fell apart after my mother had passed away. Of course, I still had my responsibilities like volleyball club and helping my younger sister and my father get through it. But it seemed that everyone would do their own thing, so I did the same. And for a while, I was lonely and didn't cope with the loss very well. Just like Y/n, I distanced myself.

This went on throughout my entire second year of high school, while she on the other hand started to get her life together. She started her band, made and covered a couple of songs, and finally healed from her hard year. Honestly, I didn't even really believe that she was in such a good state, but I was proven wrong today. Ultimately, she truly inspired me to pick myself up and start fresh. And now that she popped up so suddenly, I was back to square one.

'It's been a while, Y/n'

—

HEYYY SHAWTYYYS.

Give me notes.

SO, I've finally rewritten the first chapter of my fanfiction!! It took a while, but I did it. If you didn't know, I started this story about eight months ago, and I had no writing experience. Now that I'm reaching the climax of this story, I decided I should edit the chapter, especially since they sucked ass! Nothing much was changed, just far more detailing and extra feelings.

Overall, thanks so much for reading the first chapter. Please vote if you enjoyed it!! It helps others know that it's worth reading. And if not, no worries. Thanks anyways. I love you all so much!

- your friendly Suga simp

#sugawara x reader #sugawara koshi #koshi sugawara #haikyu x reader #haikyuu!!#haikyū!!#ao3 #fanfic #anime #wattpad #writing #fanfiction

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strangeandforlornbooks · 4 years

Text

best books with morally ambiguous narrators!

all y’all’s problematic faves and villains! :) also included are third person narrators but in books with morally ambiguous leads/themes

Sci-fi

Scythe by Neal Shusterman: in a future free from pain, disease, and war, people can live forever. ‘scythes’ are given the power to decide who lives and who dies to preserve the balance. sad and kinda gives of hunger games vibes, if you like that.

Neuromancer by William Gibson: basically invented the cyberpunk genre. strange and removed protagonists. (a team of computer hackers have to face off against an evil AI). you kind of dislike everyone and suddenly you’re crying over them. one of those trippy sci-fi classics.

The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut: very beautiful and very very sad (same author as slaughterhouse five). the richest man in america has to face a martian invasion. more about free will and bad people doing good things than a plot that makes any kind of sense.

The Man in the High Castle by Philip K Dick: set in an alternate universe where the germans and japanese won world war two. not really like the tv show at all- it’s not an action story, and there’s not really the hope to somehow fix the world that drives a lot of dystopia stories. instead its about how people survive and connect to one another in a hopeless society.

The Scorpion Rules by Erin Bow: a supercomputer convinces the leaders of the world to keep the peace for hundreds of years by taking their children hostage and obliterating any city that disobeys. what happens to the hostage protagonists when war seems inevitable? lots of morally fraught decisions and characters slowly losing their identity. (plus a fun lesbian romance)

Cryptonomicon by Neal Stephenson: a brilliant mathematician and a dedicated marine fight to keep the ultra secret in world war two. fifty years later, a tech company discovers what remains of their story. one of the most memorable sequences in the book is a japanese soldier slowly becoming disillusioned with his nation and horrified by the war even as he continues to fight.

Blade Runner by Philip K. Dick: another one of those sci-fi classics that’s not at all like the movie. there is a bounty hunter for robots, though, as well as a weird religion that probably is referencing catholicism and a decaying society with a shortage of pets. kind of a trip.

Wilder Girls by Rory Power: girls trapped in a boarding school on an isolated island must face a creeping rot that affects the animals and plants on the island as well as their own bodies. the protagonists will do anything to survive and keep each other safe. very tense (and bonus lesbian romance whoo)

The Fifth Season by N K Jemisin: three women are gifted with the ability to control the earth’s energy in a world where those who can do so are forced into hiding or slavery. some veryyyy dark choices here but lots of strong female characters.

Historical Fiction

Fingersmith by Sarah Waters: two victorian lesbians fall in love as they plot to betray each other in horrific ways. lots of plot twists, plucky thieves, gothic settings, and a great romance.

Quo Vadis by Henryk Sienkiwicz: a powerful roman soldier in the time of Nero plots to kidnap a young woman after he falls in love with her, only to learn more about the mysterious christian religion she follows. very melodramatic but some terrific prose.

All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr: a blind girl in France and a brilliant German boy recruited by the military struggle through the chaos of the second world war. ends with a bang (iykyk.) very sad, reads like poetry.

Boxers by Gene Luen Yang: graphic novel reveals the story of a young boy fighting in the boxer rebellion in early twentieth century china. the sequel, saints, is also excellent. beautifully and sympathetically shows the protagonist’s descent into evil- the reader really understands each step along the way.

Fantasy

Three Dark Crowns by Kendare Blake: three triplets separated at birth, each with their own magical powers, have to fight to the death to gain the throne. lots of fun honestly

Six of Crows and Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo: everyone in these books is highly problematic but you love them all anyway. a ragtag game of criminals plan a heist on a magical fortress. some terrific tragic back stories, repressed feelings, and revenge schemes.

The Dark Tower series by Stephen King: idk how to describe these frankly but if you can put up with King’s appalling writing of female characters they’re pretty interesting. fantasy epic about saving the world/universe, sort of. cowboys and prophecies and overlapping dimensions and drug addicts galore.

The Amulet of Samarkand by Jonathan Stroud: lots of fun! a twelve year old decides to summon a demon for his cute lil revenge scheme. sarcastic demon narrator. lighthearted until s*** gets real suddenly.

Elegy and Swansong by Vale Aida: fantasy epic with machiavellian lesbians and enemies to lovers to enemies to ??? to lovers. charming and exciting and lovely characters.

The False Prince by Jennifer Nielsen: an orphan boy must compete with a few others for the chance to impersonate a dead prince. really dark but very tense and exciting and good twists.

The Grace of Kings by Ken Liu: fantasy epic. heroes overthrow an evil empire and then struggle as the revolution dissolves into warring factions. interesting world building and three dimensional characters, even if they only have a small part.

Circe by Madeline Miller: the story behind the witch who turns men into pigs in the odyssey. madeline miller really said, i just used my classics degree to write a beautiful gay love story and now im going to write a powerful feminist retelling because i can. queen. an amazing and satisfying book that kills me a lil bit because of the two lines referencing the song of achilles.

Heartless by Marissa Meyer: the tragic backstory for the queen of hearts in alice in wonderland. a little predictable but very fun with a compelling protagonist

A Song of Ice and Fire (Game of Thrones) by George RR Martin: ok I know we all hate GRRM and rightfully so but admittedly these books do have some great characters and great scenes. they deserve better than GRRM though. also he will probably never finish the books anyway....

A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket: not really fantasy but not really anything else either. plucky, intelligent, and kind children fight off evil plots for thirteen books until suddenly you realize the world is not nearly as black and white as you thought.

Classics

Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier: gothic romance!! a new wife is curious about the mysterious death of her predecessor in a creepy old house in the British countryside...good twists and lovely prose.

A Separate Peace by John Knowles: not really morally ambiguous but one awful decision suddenly has awful consequences and certain people are haunted by guilt forever.... really really really beautiful and really really really sad. boys in a boarding school grow up together under the shadow of world war two.

Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy: while imperial russia slowly decays a beautiful young woman begins a destructive affair. a long book. very russian. the ending is incredibly tense and well written.

Lord of the Flies by William Golding: I think you know the plot to this one. the prose is better than you remember and the last scene is always exciting.

And Then There Were None by Agatha Christie: one by one, the guests on an island are slowly picked off. one of Christie’s darkest mysteries- no happy ending here! very tense and great twists.

Contemporary

The Secret History by Donna Tartt: inspired the whole dark academia aesthetic. college students get a little too into ancient greece and it does not end very well. lovely prose but I found the characters unlikable.

Honorable Mentions

The Dublin Saga by Edward Rutherford: has literally a billion protagonists, but some of them are morally ambiguous ig? follows a few families stories’ from the 400s ad to irish independence in the 20s. beautifully captures the weight and movement of irish history.

Artemis Fowl by Eoin Colfer: how morally ambiguous can you be if you’re, like, eleven? a lot if you’re a criminal genius who wants to kidnap a fairy for your evil-ish plan apparently!

Redemption by Leon Uris: literally my favorite novel ever. the sequel to Trinity but can stand alone. various irish families struggle through the horrors of world war one. the hero isn’t really morally ambiguous, but the main theme of the novel is extremely bad people suddenly questioning their choices and eventually redeeming themselves. sweeping themes of love, screwed up families, redemption, and patriotism.

The Lymond Chronicles and House of Niccolo by Dorothy Dunnett: heroes redeem themselves/try to get rich/try to save their country in early renaissance Europe. if I actually knew what happened in these books I'm sure it would be morally ambiguous but its too confusing for me. in each book you spend at least a third convinced the protagonist is evil, though. lots of exciting sword fights, tragic romances, plot twists, and kicking english butt.

Bonus: Protagonist is less morally ambiguous and more very screwed up and sad all the time

The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt: you know this one bc its quoted in all those quote compilations. basically the story of how one horrible event traumatizes a young man and how he develops a connection to a painting. really really really good.

Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro: hard to describe but strange... not an action novel or a dystopia really but sort of along those lines. very hopeless.

#book recs #morally ambiguous protagonists #dark academia #book recommendations #mine

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