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the-broken-truth · 10 months

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Civil Obsession: Platonic Yandere Mafia Boss Miguel O'Hara w/ Civilian Teenager Reader [Part 1]

Summary: [Name] tries to lead a normal life in New York, despite the presence of gangs and violence. [Name] resides with their parents who run a Drycleaner Business and attends school while working as an animator and artist on the side. While hurrying to school one day, [Name] accidentally spills coffee on a man wearing an expensive suit. [Name] offers the man their business card for a free dry cleaning service before hastily departing.

[New York - Your Point Of View]

The Streets of New York City were crowded - as always - but that didn't stop me from rushing down the sidewalks of New York, dashing through the slim openings between people's bodies with a coffee in my dominant hand and my other hand pressing down on my satchel that was on my shoulder and across my body but I didn't want my flap to open and my art tablet to fly out or hit someone in the face; I was not in the mood to get sued and possibly robbed but I was pressed for time. I overslept once again and I was late for school - well, late for breakfast at school; I still had about half an hour to get there and I was going to be late, then they were going to call my parents, then my parents were going to be pissed off at me, and for punishment, they were going to make me spend my weekend working in the Drycleaners when I could be finishing commissions and getting paid for them.

I'm getting beside myself. Allow me to introduce myself: I am [Name] of the [Surname] Family of New York City. I'm the only child of my family, thus making me the heir to the family business - a Drycleaner Service that was well known in the neighborhood where I lived in New York. While I respect the business and everything my parent did to make a living for themselves and myself, I found my passions somewhere else - in the world of Animation and Digital Art. I'm going to school to become an animator and my parents support my choice but I agreed to keep my passion aside and focus on helping my family with the business whenever they need my help - I work with them on the weekends when I don't have commissions to fill but sometimes I need to...

Suddenly, the door before me opened and my path was obscure by a large body, my eyes widened as I crashed into the massive body, squeezing the cup in my hand, causing the cup's lid to pop open and spill all over the person's red velvet vest - that was trimmed in white and in the shape of a spider on the chest. I fell on my butt and looked up at the person before me: A Towering Man with dark brown skin, dressed in a velvet red trimmed in cream white in the shape of a spider on his chest, black dress pants, shoes, and a black silk jacket over his shoulders. He looked down at me with his blood-red eyes as his short brown hair waved in the wind. People around me stepped away from me and the man. I quickly rose to my feet and bowed my head.

"I'm so sorry, Sir! I was in a rush and..." Suddenly, I was pushed away from the man by a large man in a tuxedo, black glasses, and an earpiece.

"Step away from the boss!" The bodyguard demanded as I steadied myself, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH THE BOSS' SUIT COSTS, YOU FILTHY BRAT?!"

"Hey, I said I was sorry! I'm in a rush!" I yelled back at the man but lifted his hand to punch me when the man - The 'Boss' - grabbed the man's wrist and pushed him away from me before walking up to me and looking down at me.

"You shouldn't run in the busy sidewalks like that, you never know who might be in your way." The voice of this guy...deep but smooth...full of authority but gentle.

"I'm really sorry for your suit, Sir. Oh!" I reached into my satchel and pulled out a business card for my parents' shop before holding it out to the man, "Please, go here and they will clean your suit - tell them [Name] sent you and they will clean your suit for free. I'm really sorry about your suit but I have to leave!" I watched as he took the card from me before I walked around him and started running again - I was in the home stretch - 10 Minutes left before I was late!

[Mysterious Man's Point Of View]

I watched as the young one ran away from me and turned the corner - must be heading to the local school. I looked at the card in my gloved hand.

"[Surname's] Drycleaning." I said as I looked at my bodyguard and handed him the card. "Give to this location. I need to get my suit cleaned." I said as I got into the back seat of my limo before my bodyguard closed the door and got into the front seat with the driver before handing him the card and taking off down the street.

'Just who are you [Name] and why does it feel like the two of us will meet again?' I thought as I folded my arms across my chest and closed my eyes - all I could see was their face and it made me smile.

#yandere miguel o'hara #modern au #teenage reader

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rphelperblog · 2 years

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Romantic Quotes from YA Books Rp Meme

(Feel free to edit like change it to first person or the gender)

"You are what happiness means to me. And I would rather have today with you than forever with anyone else."

“Since the first time I saw you, I have belonged to you completely. I still do. If you want me.”

“Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby- awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.”

Love, it never dies. It never goes away, it never fades, so long as you hang on to it. Love can make you immortal.”

"You make me love you, and that could be the greatest thing my heart was ever fit to do."

"Your soul sings to mine. My soul is yours, and it always will be, in any world. No matter what happens."

"I love you, and I will love you until I die, and if there is life after that, I'll love you then.”

“I am catastrophically in love with you.”

“I could not tell you if I loved you the first moment I saw you, or if it was the second or third or fourth. But I remember the first moment I looked at you walking toward me and realized that somehow the rest of the world seemed to vanish when I was with you.”

“There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment.”

"I would have written you, myself, if I could put down in words everything I want to say to you. A sea of ink would not be enough."

"I know you aren't perfect. But it's a person's imperfections that make them perfect for someone else."

“The things is, you don't forfeit your whole world to prove your feelings to someone. You bring your worlds together. You get more world, not less.”

“Turns out there's a reason they call it falling in love, because when it happens - really happens - that's exactly how it feels. There's no doing or trying, you just let go and hope that someone's going to be there to catch you.”

“He is beauty, inside and out. He is the silver lining in a world of darkness. He is my light.”

“Love didn't make you weak, it made you stronger.”

“And next time you're planning to injure yourself to get me attention, just remember that a little sweet talk works wonders.”

If there's a thing I've learned in my life it's to not be afraid of the responsibility that comes with caring for other people. What we do for love: those things endure. Even if the people you do them for don't

"Look at me. I choose you over everyone."

“I don't want sunbursts and marble halls. I just want you."

"My heart made its choice, and it chose you."

"Because I was right. For the two of us, home isn't a place. It's a person. And we're finally home."

You look like my dream come true.'"

“For the two of us, home isn’t a place. It is a person. And we are finally home.”

“True love is usually the most inconvenient kind.”

“Love is when your weirdness matches up with someone else’s weirdness.”

“I was happy before I met him. But I’m alive now, and those are not the same thing.”

“Love is scary: it changes; it can go away. That's the part of the risk. I don't want to be scared anymore.”

"I want to be the friend you fall hopelessly in love with. The one you take into your arms and into your bed and into the private world you keep trapped in your head. The one who will memorize the things you say as well as the shape of your lips when you say them. I want to know every curve, every freckle, every shiver of your body."

"Meeting your soulmate is like walking into a house you've been in before."

"And in her smile I see something more beautiful than the stars."

"I bet you could sometimes find all the mysteries of the universe in someone's hand."

"I don't want the world, I want you."

"I just want to spend every possible minute of the rest of my life with you."

"The only thing that matters to me with you are the forevers."

“Love is needing someone. Love is putting up with someone’s bad qualities because they somehow complete you.”

“We accept the love we think we deserve.”

"I want to live with you forever. I want to kiss you and lie down with you and wake up with you every day of my life till I die, years and years and years away."

“I’m not trying to overthink things. I’m trying to be less careful. But you have to be your heart’s own goalie.”

“If we had our entire lives ahead of us I bet you’d get tired of me telling you how much I love you because I’m positive that’s the path we were heading on. But because we’re about to die, I want to say it as many times as I want—I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.”

My preference is simple—you.”

“"He didn't give me flowers or candy. He gave me the moon and the stars. Infinity."

“As much as I had wanted a love story out of a movie, I know now that movies can only hope to to capture this kind of love.”

“The way I feel about him is like a heartbeat — soft and persistent, underlying everything.”

“A thousand electric cars could run on how you feel when you know that the person you like likes you back. It feels incredible. Like it shouldn't be possible. Of all the happy coincidences to ever exist, it's one of the happiest.”

. "It struck me as kind of crazy, kind of amazing, that one person could make me feel so serene just by being."

"I love you enough to hope that you will not care that I am being selfish in trying to make the rest of my life - whatever length - happy, by spending it with you."

“You are the most beautiful creature I have ever seen walking this earth. And you don't even know it. You have no clue how beautiful you are or how brightly you shine."

“I stay with him because I choose to, every day that I wake up, every day that we fight or lie to each other or disappoint each other. I choose him over and over again, and he chooses me.”

“Do you really have any idea how important you are to me? Any concept at all of how much I love you?”

“Nothing before you counts,and I can’t even imagine an after

"In her eyes, I see my heart. In her breath, I hear my soul. She is my land. She is my kin. My love."

"If people were rain, I was drizzle and she was a hurricane."

“In her smile I see something more beautiful than the stars.”

"No measure of time with you will be long enough. But let's start with forever."

“You love me. Real or not real? “

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prettypleasedad · 17 days

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Hi guys, I'm back, if you were following yespleasedad, that was ME!

A bit about myself, if you care:

I just turned 18 in March! I'm Indian but my mother adopted me as a baby so I'm basically the least asian looking asian you'll ever meet. If you talk to me, normally or kinky, please do not bring up my mom, she's asexual and can't have kids so anything in that realm gets annoying, rude, and weird; quick!

I've moved around a bunch because of my mom's job. I've lived in Dubai, London, San Francisco, New York, but I recently moved to OC and I love love love it! Even though I'm on here, I do love school, I'm a huge nerd. I love gymnastics and dancing, which means I'm super flexible! I am super extroverted, I love being the center of attention! I love parties, im unfortunately a huge party girl! (I love drunk dancing and also ketamine, ecstasy, coke and Molly!!) I love shopping and I love makeup and dressing up, looking cute and slutty is a 24/7 absolute necessity! <3

The picture in my profile is me, albeit I went crazy with spray tan before my birthday lol. I think that apart from my body, my best features are my big green eyes, full lips, and dimples. I'm 4'11, have a cute pear shape (re: fat ass), and I'm 93 pounds, which means I'm super duper skinny. Between my very perfect thigh gap, I have an extremely fat pussy - if I sexted you on my last account count yourself very lucky lol. I have perky 32C boobies with small nipples that I recently got pierced! I also got my tongue pierced at the same time, and have my nose and belly pierced too! (PS, I don't wear bras and I recently switched from panties to g strings and skimpy string thongs that I can pull up and show off, plus they barely cover my pussy which is fun to flash)

‼️ I recently discovered I love taking nudes and sexting, and I do want to start making adult content in the very near future! My mom is aware, I tell her literally everything (well, except for when I’m sneaking out to party or hook up with my gf or older men lol). She’s a bit disappointed and not happy but, as long as I get my degree she said I can do whatever I want! Still, my last Tumblr that was getting very popular, got terminated, idk if it's because of my tags, my reblog, or my nudes, so idk if I can send pics or gifs of me playing with myself this time around :(

Kinks:

🥰I recently lost my virginity (gay and straight in the same night lol, on my birthday a month ago) and am really new to non vainilla sex and porn, please be nice!🥰

I love love love kissing!

pleasing - I'll do whatever you want me to do if it makes you proud of me

older men (28-55; I especially like salt and pepper hair and tall fit men old enough or older than my mom)

daddy/daughter // stepdad/stepdaughter

sneaking around and doing things I shouldn't

risky/public sex

exibitionism + getting caught

Having sex/being used in front of people

bimbofication

free use

Objectify me

Being told how much of a disappointment I am to my parents because I’m such a needy desperate slut

Cnc (maybe!)

pregnancy risk/ breeding

Being gay for male attention

light degradation + praise

Just some bonuses:

Dad >>> daddy

I know I said dk t bring up my mom, but I mean don’t talk about fucking her. It’s gross. I do however wonder how accepting she is of me wanting to make porn and be a teen mom… so you can certainly bring that up!

I love riding, I really like to bounce and grinding 🥹

I'm high-key into really BIG white cocks, but I also like Arab guys

I love an age gap, parade me around in public and then grope me in front of everyone

I love sucking dick so so much

I want to be a mom really soon. My mom knows, she's lowkey okay with it. maybe because of her family being mormon so all her sisters had kids super young(?)

I wanna cockwarm and breastfeed my dad

I’d love to be used randomly mid conversation or action with other people just minding their business in the same room (like dad’s talking to his friend and bending me over atst)

I'm not gay, but I do hook up with one of my besties a lot lol (I love scissoring what can I say lol)

I want to make NSFW content! (I recently made a video with a girl which I showed to this daddy I've been hooking up with and he really liked it!)

I really like having my nipples sucked

I want an older bf who will kinda like turn me into the ideal version of a woman. Like pick out what I wear, how I do my makeup, what I eat, how I act. I want to be sexy for dad

I can have multiple orgasms, and I get really wet pretty quickly, so I end up masturbating like twice a day, oopsie

✨ I am a princess, I do not like abusive talk or really dark degradation! I am sensitive and will freak out lol

Hard No‼️

pedos and agedly that involves anything under being a fully consenting 18+ person

raceplay

blood/piss/scat/vomit

incest

my mom being brought up while we are actively role playing (that is an automatic block)

For the daddies on here:

I never had a father. My mother is a white mormon, who tries her best and I absolutely adore her. But I really need some positive male influence in my life hehe! You should defiently reach out if you want to help me with:

I'm fatherless and need a positive male role model to teach me how I deserve to be treated

I'm fatherless so I really need someone to give me 24/7 attention to make up for 18 years of not having a dad

I'm fatherless, so my daddy issues are at a thousand percent and I tend to be a brat who needs to be put in her place

I'm fatherless so I need to be spoiled with affection like a princess

I'm fatherless and a people pleaser so I'll do anything to be a good girl

I'm fatherless, and I'm indecisive so I need a daddy to make decisions for me and tell me exactly what a good girl should do

I'm fatherless so I need someone to practice all the things my mom can't help me with

I’m fatherless and need a daddy to help me practice kissing and touching, how to suck and make my daddy hard. I need a daddy to show me how my body should be worshipped/treated/used and how my unprotected pussy should be ready to take all of daddy’s cum like the best fatherless daughter ever

💞💞💞

Also! My blog is a safe space I have no room here for:

pedos

racists

homophobes and transphobes

pedos

Israelis and zionists

If that's a problem BYE‼️

#yespleasedad #prettypleasedad?

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iheartthesmithsblog · 2 years

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NEW THEME

i will be doing the 3DOL & ROE challenge again ﹗ ˖ ་ 💭 @starliet @cleostoohot

what im manifesting…

• going from my current height to 5’6 (i don’t know how tall i am LOL)

• my desired face and body (for body i want long smooth legs , smaller boobs, a small upper body, and a thick lower body , a slim pear shape??) for my desired face I don’t want to change drastically since i am quite happy with how i look i just want some changes like .. ( longer lashes, thicker eyebrows, clearer skin, a deep cheek dimple, orange amber eyes, straight teeth, an angel skull, symmetrical face, smaller nose, my desired beauty marks, and freckles)

• my desired hair texture (3c curly hair)

• rich parents/better family life

• 1 million dollars in my bank account (this helps me with not putting logic in my manifestations sooo)

• making my schools varsity volleyball team/being amazing at volleyball

• moving to a new house

• and getting an iphone 11 🤍

i will be using these affirmations as my main ones

* regardless of everything, its a fact everything works out in my favor.

* regardless of everything, its a fact i don’t have to live in the end to manifest, all i have to do is want something and boom I already have it

* regardless of everything all subliminals work instantly for me and always gives me my desired results within 3 days or less

* regardless of everything all manifesting methods work instantly for me

* regardless of everything it is a fact i always get what i want

* regardless of everything its a fact i always manifest within 3 days or less

* regardless of everything its a fact only good things happen to me

* i love myself and my life

* regardless of everything its a fact nothing can ruin my manifestations

* regardless of everything it is a fact that the more i obsess over my desire the faster it comes just as fast at it comes when i detach from it

desired face affirmations:

i have a beautiful face

i am beautiful

i have a perfectly symmetrical face

i have the clearest skin ever

I have one deep cheek dimple on the right side of my face

I have light brown freckles that suit me scattered across my face

i have all my desired facial features

i have the cutest angel skull

i have the prettiest , small, button nose

i have the most genetically perfect side profile, literally nobody can compare

i have beautiful light, amber brown eyes

i have the darkest fluffiest longest , eyelashes and the thickest fullest dark eyebrows

i have the upmost perfect pearly white teeth

regardless of everything i have my desired face

regardless of everything i manifested my desired face in 3 days or less

desired body affirmations:

i have small, lifted , perky breasts

i have small b cup breasts

i have the most perfect boobs ever people get boob jobs to have boobs that look like mine (LOL)

i have a small upper body

i have such a small snatched waist its crazy

i have the flattest stomach in world history

i have the prettiest abs ever

i have the fullest hips

i have a big, plump, heart shaped bubble butt

i have thick thighs

i have a heart shaped thigh gap

i have long smooth legs

i am 5’6

i am 5 feet 6 inches tall

my entire body is free from any scars or marks

all marks and scars are completely and permanently vanished from my body

regardless of everything i have my desired body

regardless of everything it only took 3 days or less for me to manifest my desired body

other affirmations:

I got an iphone 11 in purple or white from my grandparents for my birthday

my grandparents got me an iphone 11 in purple or white for my birthday

my parents are very rich and wealthy

my parents both have high paying jobs and spoils me and my siblings

my dad gives me a weekly allowance of 20 dollars

i have 1 million dollars

its amazing how rich i am

my bank account is flooding with money

i have a healthy relationship with both of my parents

my entire family supports the lgbqt community and supports and accepts me for being apart of it

my entire family is loving, caring and rich

my parents love me and my siblings deeply and only treats us with love, respect and care

my parents bought a new big 2 story house and we are moving in now

i have my own room and bathroom in our new house

i have been playing volleyball since i was 3

i am a pro at all volleyball positions

i made the varsity school’s volleyball team

this is my second time doing this challenge and i am going to officially start tmrw 7/8/22 ending 7/11/22. i am going to do the same routine affirming before bed, randomly, whenever i think about my desires, before bed and listening to my subliminal playlist overnight and thats it! this is how i got results last time by not over complicating it and just applying what i know which is (assumptions create - persist in assumption and it becomes true = showing in the 3d ) boom its that easy ་ ᳝ ◝ 𖥻⏱️ ぃ ˑ

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charcubed · 1 year

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Some thoughts on The Winchesters after episode 5, and on self-reflection, and what it may tell us about Dean’s situation:

This was originally written as a thread on Twitter, which is (unfortunately) where I have historically done most of my meta writing. (Here is a collection of my Twitter posts about this show, including a few long meta threads.) I’m trying to get better about crossposting to tumblr ASAP when it's manageable.

All this to say that if this reads like it’s written in bite-sized chunks… that’s why. Also, I am writing this at midnight from an iPad lol.

So… This “Dean all the way down” show, if you will. In every episode of this show, its main characters highlight important things about Dean’s life and his relationships with others, as well as the unfinished parts of his story. Here’s a handy refresher, courtesy of my friend Matt.

I am compelled by the consistency of this (to the point of hypothesizing that Lata will be the main Dean mirror of the week in ep6).

I am also compelled by what is shaping up to be one of many consistencies in not only the themes but also the PLOTS of these episodes:

In every episode so far other than the pilot (I think?), someone is taken and trapped physically and/or mentally. Their freedom requires examining who they are as a person and what’s important to them, and/or examining who they are in relation to who they care about, mostly via reflective versions.

2: John, taken by La Tunda who punishes disobedient children & masquerades as Millie

3: Mary, taken by Bori Baba who lures you in with what you want most

4: John & Carlos, taken by a god of “destiny” who wants John to be like him

5: Mary, trapped in her mind by the Akrida

They’re all different situations, but at their core the key to freedom in the plot is always some form of self-reflection.

It’s making me wonder, because… well, we’re explicitly dealing with a narrative that’s cyclical, yes? We know that already, and the show’s not shy about it…

Cycles of violence + parents & children, on a micro level (Winchester family) and macro level (forces wanting to mold you into something you don’t want to be, or control you; Chuck/God as Father, destiny, and now Akrida).

But is it also a cycle in regards to this self-reflection?

Metaphorically, yes. This is what Dean is doing here and it’s why the characters are continuously acting as rotating mirrors for him. But what I’m beginning to wonder is if we’re meant to start taking it as hints to being literal for Dean, the way it is for the characters.

The characters repeatedly participate in self-reflection to free themselves from literal traps, and that self-reflections acts as reflection of Dean. What does this maybe tell us about what’s LITERALLY happening to Dean? Can we start piecing together that he’s trapped somewhere and uncovering/telling this story is key to his freedom?

🎶 Like a circle in a spiral

Like a wheel within a wheel

Never ending or beginning

On an ever spinning reel 🎶

They keep being trapped in places where they have to face aspects of who they are, who they love, and what haunts them. Maybe that’s the literal situation Dean could be in (fake Heaven trap?) and is part of the reason for the story he’s telling. Examining himself to break free.

I don’t know how front-facing in terms of the plot this may be. It could remain metaphorical. or be an extra-narrative reference about the prequel being its own thing but also a quasi stepping stone to a sequel.

But Dean being Trapped is, at this point, feeling pretty implicit.

Combine this with how mirror and reflective imagery is starting to visually pop up a little bit more.

And also combine it with all of the ways Tony’s story parallels Jack’s, and what that could imply about a “Chuck won” through-line… but I’m not getting into that tonight lol.

I am very intrigued. Everything about this is circular, and talking about one aspect kind of tips you into talking about another, which is FASCINATING story construction. So I’m sorry if I repeated myself here!

It’s reminiscent of a triskelion, naturally, a la the necklace in ep2.

Calling it quits for tonight because I am TIRED. Bottom line:

The repeated implication is that Dean is Trapped and doing self-reflection to try to break free. How literal that may or may not in terms of where/when he is remains to be seen, but… it’s feeling more and more pointed.

And I know I’m one of the foremost Chuck won preachers, okay, but I do try not to let it color my view of this show too strongly. I can’t help it that the material feeds me at every turn ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#spnwin #spnwin meta #the winchesters meta #the winchesters #spnwin 1x05 #the winchesters 1x05 #when will I post my very long 1x04 meta on this website...#char writes things #dean winchester #unreliable narrator my beloved #hallofmirrorsnatural

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payphoneangel · 6 months

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For the ask game 1, 11, 24, 23 :))

what are 3 things you’d say shaped you into who you are?

Oh boy, starting off with a bang! Uhhh this question is very broad so I guess I'll interpret 'things' as like, events. I could go media but ehhh i think events are more interesting.

1.1 I had a rare and severe disease as a child that deeply impacted how I view mortality, comfort, and the field of medicine. Luckily, I have essentially 0 lasting health impacts from it so it's all just emotional stuff! Hooray!

1.2 My parents split in my early teens, changing not only my living situation but also how I viewed the concepts of home, family, and romance/marriage. It also was the catalyst for which started repressing all of my emotions, something I had to work hard to unlearn in my late teens/early twenties. It was a good life lesson, to say the least.

1.3 Also around my late teens, I figured out I was genderqueer! This has changed a lot, both the intricacies of my gender itself, and how it's impacted my life. Everything from the way I look/speak, how I navigate interpersonal relationships, and how I conduct myself in public are impacted by my complex relationship with gender. It's fun and exciting and freeing and enlightening, but it's also frustrating, isolating, confusing, and downright scary sometimes. I wouldn't have it any other way.

11. what do you consider to be romance?

Tbh, it's something that has been on my mind quite a lot recently! Short answer: I have no clue 😅

Long answer: I have only recently just had the revelation that I cannot tell the difference between platonic and romantic attraction. I'm not even sure romantic attraction is something I'm capable of experiencing. I can recognize (and enjoy) romance in fiction, I sing along to all the love songs, I do my best to understand the feelings of those around me when they talk about romance. But for me? I don't know. I know I've loved people, deeply and earnestly-- I love people now. But every time I try to enter a romantic relationship with someone, I feel like I'm just doing what's expected of me; going through the motions of 'what romance is supposed to look like' without actually feeling it. It's hard to say though, it's hard to identify the absence of something. How do I say I can't feel these feelings if I don't know how to identify them? Or is that in and of itself my answer? To me, there isn't anything I'd only do exclusively with a romantic partner. I don't know what romance looks like because I'd happily do anything passionate, caretaking, or intimate with a friend. But I'm told there's supposed to be extra feelings, so... here I am.

23. say 3 things about someone you hate

YESSS TIME TO BE A HATER. Okay uhhhh 1) expected me to be responsible for an entire dnd group's happiness despite my own joy becoming less and less frequent when playing (exacerbated by playing become a literal obligation) 2) assumed he knew my own needs and solutions to my problems even when I DIRECTLY STATED OTHERWISE 3) decided i had daddy issues because-- and I cannot stress this enough-- I played a warlock in his stupid campaign. Then he tried to therapize me about it. thru dnd. Needless to say I did not stay in that campaign (despite his best efforts to not let me quit)

24. what’s one thing you’re proud of yourself for?

Ahhh I could connect this to any of the earlier questions but I suppose since I'm answering these on here I'll say this: My improvement in writing!!

Spn really got me into writing fic. Outside of taking a creative writing class in college, I haven't done any writing outside of scientific writing since I was a teen. I had a lot to learn and relearn! It's been really rewarding to send my drafts to my beta reader, and watch the amount of edit suggestions lower with each project as my writing skills have strengthened. Of course, I still have more to learn, but honing my writing skills is something that brings me a lot of joy; and it's been very fun to write fics that other people enjoy too!

ask me some stuff

#vinny answers #ty for the questions birdie!!#did NAWT mean to get that deep w it #you just happened to pick a couple questions that were like. Well. tell me abt ur core being #love it tho great times

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clawbehavior · 3 months

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Hello (◍•ᴗ•◍)♡ ✧*。

I am sending u warm wishes ✨

For the ask game :

7,15 & 17

6 (everything, everywhere all at once)

18 (my heart is going back to you, i just don't know) and/or (skin deep)

19 (final coda)

21 (skin deep) and/or (till kingdom come) and/or (elevator troubles)

I apologize for having so many questions, i simply love your writing 😅

not only do i appreciate that you asked a bunch of questions, i love that you asked about these specific stories! they've been on my mind lately, which you somehow picked up on?? i thoroughly enjoyed answering your asks and appreciate you sharing that you love my writing. sending many warm wishes for the weekend anon ❤️❤️

7. Any worldbuilding you’re particularly proud of?

everything everywhere all at once (once i finish it). i spent all my free time July last year plotting out where corruption happens in government and how it trickles down into gaon and yohan's lives. i was doodling in the back of my notebooks and working through several Google docs at once. that experience was rewarding because i got to move between multiple layers of the story, thinking not just of how gaon and yohan relate to each other when gaon's in debt, but also how their ties with the rest of the world actively shapes their romance. that agility makes me proud of myself.

15. What’s your favorite AU that you’ve written?

'til kingdom come' because i LOVE fantasy, when fics of this genre are a rarity in this fandom. plus, i liked the new context to their initial meeting in the office, where instead of staring because gaon looks like isaac, yohan's staring at his long-lost and oblivious lover. but i honestly love all my au's and my favorites change because it's the one i'm writing at the time pfft.

17. What highly specific AU do you want to read or write even though you might be the only person to appreciate it?

an au inspired by 'his dark materials'! yohan's demon is a male black panther named baheera. gaon's is a white doe. the story would deal with touch, in that gaon and yohan's demon touch all the time but through layers like clothes and latex gloves. yohan doesn't know because he and baheera can be in separate rooms, but when he finds out he's PISSED because touching another person's demon is reserved strictly for family and lovers, when gaon is neither. and then we find out that it was yohan and gaon's demon who touched first, because when the office got destroyed, she tackled yohan to the floor ro shield him. gaon didn't see and she never told him.

6. What’s one fact about the universe of [insert fic] that you didn’t get a chance to mention in the fic itself?

fic: everything everywhere all at once

this is serendipitous because i was thinking of this exact story when i read the question and so were you it turns out! remember how ms. ji experiments with food to disastrous results? the culprit in this story is elijah. she mixes together strange assortments of flavors and foods to the point that if she orders something normal (like plain vanilla ice cream), yohan knows she's upset.

18. If you wrote a sequel to [insert fic], what would it involve?

fics:

- my heart is going back to you: sunah kidnapping gaon

- skin deep: a fluff one shot of gaon supporting yohan's particular brand of parenting. yes, we can read him The ABC's of Firearms for Kids. no, he cannot accompany you on a hunting expedition when it means staying up past his bedtime, etc.

19. If you wrote a spin-off of [insert fic], what would it involve?

fic: final coda

gaon healing his relationship with elijah. this story draws on the New Testament interpretation that Jesus ordered Judas to betray him. similarly, yohan knew it was coming but let it happen anyways. elijah never knew, and she was ripped apart by the experience. that's hard to bounce back from, so gaon would make a concerted effort to do so. the story ends with elijah visiting him in Switzerland and preparing an elaborate meal for him.

21. If you wrote a “missing scene” in [insert fic], what would it be?

fics:

- skin deep: gaon meeting min jungho for lunch after he gets the implant removed, and having to play it cool even though he's afraid of the professor

- til kingdom come: a flashback to their original lives where the prince saves the commander's battalion from an ambush, disobeying his father's command in the process. this is when the commander realizes how in love the prince is with him. they sleep together for the first time. (i actually wrote this scene fully. the only reason it's not published is because it felt like a random chapter instead of a plot driven update, but i think about it a lot.)

- elevator troubles: smut in yohan's office.

- eeaao: yohan returning home to find gaon deeply asleep in his bed & realizing he's in love with gaon. he compares the feeling to being stabbed

#a03 asks #anon asks

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aestheticvoyage2023 · 7 months

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Day 278: Thursday October 5, 2023 - "Mornings with William"

Now that we've made the adjustment from weekends to weekday Daddy duty, I have a special responsibility of getting this guy up and to school. After whatever the chaos of September was, William is back to a really good sleep routine again, regularly sleeping in now until about 630-7am. Oh what a difference those 60-90 minutes more of sleep in the morning make, at least on the psyche. But he still wakes up rearing to go, and has lots of opinions on how he wants to start his morning with the first 90 minutes of the day. I've been starting my work day at 7am too, so there is the occassional work call that he has to take care of himself for but I know the tricks for what will keep him entertained for at least 15-20 miniutes. I make the coffee, I make his lunch, I make his breakfast. We're building routines for the morning to go as smoothly as the night and I am figuring out those best steps, settling into this knowing this is going to be long term now. I enjoy it all best I can, and find gratitude when hes let me stay in bed until I am ready. He takes care of potty all by himself, no accidents and does everything he needs to do so that at 8:20am when I am throwing his clothes on and brushing his hair, he is on board. I try to start his day off well - positive, easy, helpful, nurturing. Set him up for success and a good day. The real champ in all of this effort, is him. He lets this thing work with mama being gone, and working with me and trusting me. I love him for it. Being the morning parent- the school parent, is the next role I am growing into and I know that how this feels and works will set a tone for so many years, just like bedtime. It will be a routine he remembers. Important, oh so important to get it right. And its something I am working on each and every morning on our own.

Song: Snoop Dogg & Wiz Khalifa - Young, Wild and Free ft. Bruno Mars

Quote: "Either peace or happiness, let it enfold you. When I was a young man I felt these things were dumb, unsophisticated. I had bad blood, a twisted mind, a precarious upbringing. I was hard as granite, I leered at the sun. I trusted no man and especially no woman... I challenged everything, was continually being evicted, jailed, in and out of fights, in and out of my mind... Peace and happiness to me were signs of inferiority, tenants of the weak, an addled mind. But as I went on...it gradually began to occur to me that I wasn't different from the others, I was the same... Everybody was nudging, inching, cheating for some insignificant advantage, the lie was the weapon and the plot was empty... Cautiously, I allowed myself to feel good at times. I found moments of peace in cheap rooms just staring at the knobs of some dresser or listening to the rain in the dark. The less I needed the better I felt... I re-formulated. I don't know when, date, time, all that but the change occured. Something in me relaxed, smoothed out. I no longer had to prove that I was a man, I didn’t have to prove anything. I began to see things: coffee cups lined up behind a counter in a cafe. Or a dog walking along a sidewalk. Or the way the mouse on my dresser top stopped there with its body, its ears, its nose, it was fixed, a bit of life caught within itself and its eyes looked at me and they were beautiful. Then...it was gone. I began to feel good, I began to feel good in the worst situations and there were plenty of those... I welcomed shots of peace, tattered shards of happiness... And finally I discovered real feelings of others, unheralded, like lately, like this morning, as I was leaving for the track, I saw my wife in bed, just the shape of her head there...so still, I ached for her life, just being there under the covers. I kissed her in the forehead, got down the stairway, got outside, got into my marvelous car, fixed the seatbelt, backed out the drive. Feeling warm to the fingertips, down to my foot on the gas pedal, I entered the world once more, drove down the hill past the houses full and empty of people, I saw the mailman, honked, he waved back at me." ~Charles Bukowski

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vitopeia · 1 year

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A message from Edward Art

The Law of Attraction, the Law of Assumption are names we have given this idea and the idea is this: “As within, so without.” I do not think these labels put on this Law truly get the root. The root in this case is the invisible Self inside. In first chapter of Your Faith Is Your Fortune, Neville states this, “I AM the Law Of Being and besides ME there is no law. I AM that I AM.” Seeing it and labeling it as the Law of Being gets the root of the Law.

So when you and I decide to exercise this Law, instead of wondering if we are assuming correctly or are attracting correctly, this wondering dissolves when we see it as Being. We Be it in Imagination.

I know the senses deny you, I know the words of friends, the conversations in your day deny you. But your extract their power the moment you Be it in the Mind. Well, how do I know I am Being it? I know by how I feel and my thoughts that come FROM that position. Right now, I am in a State just as you.

We are a makeup of beliefs that we have taken. Whether we believe ourselves or we believe others, we take upon beliefs in ourselves. Each belief taken is an impression made upon Me. So if you tell me something about you and I believe it, then I make that impression upon myself. I have the choice to change it though inside myself if I know that there I no other Creator than Imagination. You see, it is when we believe in a creator outside of ourselves, that we do not take Imagination seriously. We do not exercise it seriously.

Can you honestly proclaim that there is not other Creator than Imagination? If you can, then you will start to put it to the test. So you abandon one thing in here, which is the belief in the thought or self-concept. You and I hold self-concepts given to us by our societies, our parents and neighbors and each time we believe in them it shapes our inner worlds. I can speak from experience what is like to live in a low self-concept.

I believed in the lost of my respect, of my safety of my worth. So inside myself I lived in a world that was cold. People in me showed my no sympathy but in fact attacked me. I lived in a shallow, dark world where everyone was a stranger to me. I felt I only had myself to protect and everyone was a potential enemy. I could imagine being respected because I did not believe I had anything. I kept this belief by holding onto to believing that I am not worthy of anything greater within myself. But as all things inside myself, they have a creator and that Creator is Me, the invisible Cause. Everything is sustained within by my belief in it.

Without my belief, any thought, **any thought**, holds no power. But the thoughts that naturally occur, or at least the thoughts I am familiar with are caused by my BEING. It cause by my self-concept inside. If I were to believe I am different than what I am now then I would experience new thoughts in alignment with that change. For we are all familiar with certain thoughts. We all dwell psychology in a house, and the rooms are familiar. But most do not believe that they can change the room, or leave the house. Knowing this now, I am as free as my self-concepts allow me to be but I am the one who dictates the self-concepts. The need belief to be sustained, to be alive within me and I hold the power of belief in Imagination, for this life is the marriage of Imagination with the Senses. The only way to change Imagination is through belief, trust. This results in a change in the Senses but the change of Imagination comes first. So we can take self-concepts we desire. That you and I are free from the problems we once felt trapped in, IN IMAGINATION. Find your freedom inside, it is there as all things are. We do not have to war or fight anymore within ourselves.

We can become indifferent to that which does not serve us within for its all coming from One Creator. My safety and unsafely stem from one place, Imagination. How can you and I practice indifference effectively? We practice this by acceptance. We do not fight thoughts, we do not fight self-concepts for to fight to war against oneself. Instead we accept something new in its place. We do not argue with ourselves, we do not doubt ourselves but accept it. We accept it without questions and then a freedom bubbles up. Then we accept that bubbling, that feeling.

And I do not care what is it you ask for within yourself for all things are there. You want confidence? You want to be respected? You want more fame? Give it yourself unconditionally within! It is there awaiting its acceptance. You are currently accepting things regardless you want to or not, you are. Do you like what you accepting within? You either have it or you do not, but you can have it! You can have it inside. The only limit, the only one in the way inside ourselves is ourselves.

If you're not listening to his video for loa at least just listen to his voice.

the video:

#edward art #neville goddard #loa #loassumption #loattraction #law of assumption #law of attraction #The art of being #advice #loablr #manifesting #manifestation #Youtube

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indestructibleheart · 2 years

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WIP Wednesday

I was tagged by @lilythesilly. There was some (very delightful) interest in my “fuck you, patrick (affectionate)” concept, so here’s a piece of how that starts off:

BEEP.

“Hi, Patrick. It’s your mother. Where are you? I know you said you need to figure some things out, but I haven’t heard from you in a few days and I’m starting to… Just let me know you’re okay. I love you, my sweet boy.” BEEP. “Patty, it’s me. I really think we should talk about this. Can you call me back? Please? I love you.” BEEP.

“Hey, son. It’s your dad. Call your mom back, would ya? She’s worried about you. We all are. Love you, kiddo.” BEEP.

“Patrick, it’s Rachel again. I don’t know where you’re staying, so I brought the ring and a couple things you forgot at the apartment to your mom. She says she hasn’t heard from you either. You don’t have to talk to me, fine, whatever, but at least call your parents. … I hope you’re okay.”

BEEP.

__________________

Patrick slaps his hand onto the nightstand, feeling aimlessly for his ringing phone without lifting his head from the pillow. He finds it eventually, scraping it messily across the wood onto the bed, and taps the ‘ignore’ button at least two more times than strictly necessary. It’s not like him, he knows, but the thought of facing his latest failure just makes his stomach churn… and that’s why he’s burrowed into an uncomfortable bed at a roadside motel, somewhere outside a town called Thornbridge.

Two days ago, he’d detonated several well-placed bombs in his personal life and blown nearly everything that he’d been comfortably living with for years now to smithereens. He’d quit his boring (but stable) job, packed up his things, broken off his engagement with his high school sweetheart, and driven away from the only town he’s ever known. It’s the most reckless thing he’s ever done — finally topping the horrible decision to propose in the first place — which leaves Patrick oscillating between feeling free and like the worst person who’d ever lived.

“I can’t marry you, Rach. It doesn’t feel right. I don’t… feel right.”

“What does that even mean, Patrick?”

“It means I need some time. To figure myself out. I need some time alone.”

What he needs is a plan.

He needs to pick himself up from this pathetic little spiral and come up with a plan.

He also needs to call his mom.

But he doesn’t want to call her back until he has a plan because he needs to have something positive to tell her when he drops the final bomb: he’s not coming back. Not anytime soon, anyway. (Maybe never.)

“I’m sorry, Rachel. I really am. You deserve better.”

Patrick has always been a take-charge kind of guy. In some ways, he thinks that’s how he got himself into this mess in the first place. Because he’s spent so much time bending himself into different shapes, trying to fit into the spaces carved for him by others — a Brewer man, a future husband, the responsible friend. Until now, it’d never occurred to him to carve his own space. And the problem is, his limbs have become so mangled in the game of Twister he’s been playing with himself, Patrick doesn’t know what his natural shape is anymore.

If he wants to figure that out, he needs to start over.

And he needs to do it alone.

#m:wip

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amours-world · 1 year

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Hey!! I’m in a similar boat like you were, congratulations on everything you’ve received! I know this isn’t the life I deserve. If I may ask, how did you improve the self concept aspect and how did you apply the law? As I think my self concept and negative thoughts might be what’s blocking me

Hello how are you ? <3

Already I would like to tell you that you deserve the best and the most beautiful in life because you are special, don't be hard on yourself, go at your own pace and don't let anyone tell you that you won't make it. .When I started to apply the law I was doing or less 3 challenges in the week but nothing worked because: I was always very hard on myself, I was always looking for confirmation from 3D and I hated myself. It was really really hard to get rid of my negative thoughts, every time I thought to myself that I had my dream life, I had another thought which was that you didn't deserve it, which depressed me even more . Eventually I deleted tumblr for a week because I was in bad shape again. For the whole week I deleted tumblr my life hadn't changed my adoptive parents were always arguing, school was stressing me out and I was getting more and more stressed. The following week, I went back to tumblr and took on the cutie's challenge to change self-concept. At first I didn't want to do it because I thought it was a big waste of time because neither method worked for me, but after reading hundreds of success stories on how the concept of self changed their life, i thought i had nothing to lose, so i do them. So I had a simple routine, I took up the challenge, in the evening I did meditation and every morning in front of the mirror I complimented myself. I wanted so much to have a good image of myself that I repeated myself every time I had free time affirmations, at first I had a lot of negative thoughts but I erased them by repeating myself until I was convinced that I could do it and that nothing could stop me from having the life that I deserve. The second week I started to feel more confident, calmer and that's when I started to see the results. Already my parents weren't arguing anymore and my mom had 300k in her account even though she's a housewife and my stepdad has been retired for years, we don't have any financial problem anymore, I get money money every week now, I no longer have negative thoughts. Even though sometimes I feel down, I remind myself that I can do anything and that I am special. I also get gifts from my teachers and the boys keep calling me beauty or princess and lots of other things.So the advice I give you is to be patient, to be less hard on yourself, to do activities that make you happy, to meditate a lot, to not let anyone tell you that you will not succeed. don't and especially if the 3D shows you something you don't want, don't be angry or depressed, just tell yourself that it will change no matter what.

I hope I have answered all your concerns love xoxo

#neville goddard #loa blog #loa #law of assumption #manifestation

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artekai · 2 years

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Chey, for the character ask! >:D GIMME YOUR HONEST THOUGHTS BRO

I'M SO SORRY I KEPT YOU WAITING I AM BACK FRIEND :D

And yay, it's the girl!!!! :D

What I like about them

What's not to like!!! Herbo! :D Lovable dumbass! :D Mookie defender, just like me ^^ Kai's beloved sister! She's funny and friend-shaped and angsty and traumatized but she's being so brave about it :') And she's not afraid for fight for what she believes in! I like how I added Kai to feel better about rejecting Takuto's reality and then you told me about Chey and tipped the scales back in Mookie's favor :| Now if I were to made the same choice again I'd know that the fate of these two kids is resting in my hands and no matter which reality I choose one of them is gonna inevitably end up losing and aaaaaaaaaa *shakes you*

So, what do you do? Do you subject Kai to identity death, in exchange for the happiness of millions of people? Or do you subject Chey to literal death, in exchange for free will? Dammit, Takuto, pls look what you're doing to your children, you're tearing your family apart 😭😭😭

What I dislike about them

Nothing :) To be clear I think her attitude towards Akechi, Makoto, and Akiren is funny lmao. If I were Akiren I'd be too scared to go anywhere near Kai but too scared to leave him too like

It's perfect lmao.

But please someone tell her that mirroring is natural and we all do it to some degree girl pls sadfdgfhgjhk

She does need to take better care of herself tho!! That I can say haha :')

Favourite moment

I liked when she sided with Takuto in his reality, you go queen!! :3

I also liked the Black Mask AU when she started killing transphobes, absolute queen shit <3

I once joked to myself that if Kai got a Death Note he'd just start killing transphobes and then it'd kill him on the inside because he'd want to reveal himself and be recognized as a hero but he'd know he can't let the secret get out so :') idk. Imagine them working together ^^

She's just so based in general and I love her lol

I also like how ruthless yet so angsty she is in the angel!Chey AU??? Like holy shit O.O

Least favourite moment

Can't think of anything lol

A situation with this character that I want to see explored more

Sorry for always bringing Kai into everything lol but I'm still SO hung up on that "you were always the greater of us" line like ;;;-;;; Does she really see herself as inferior to Kai...? And it's so tragic because she's getting all of the parental approval that's making Kai feel inferior even if he won't admit it to himself and she still feels inferior and he doesn't know that and *EXPLODES*

TAKUTO YOU ARE TEARING YOUR FAMILY APART

But other than that!! I do wanna know more about her family situation before she came to Japan :3 Does she feel homesick? Even if her situation is better now, it's not easy to let go of what you've always known :(

Oh! Also her situation post-canon as an android! :D

An interesting AU for this character

I quite like the selkie AU :3 As for anything new, I can't come up with anything rn lol.

A crossover

The Horizon AU!!! :D We talked a little about her and Artekai last time but I wonder what she would think of the canon characters and the other AIs and their relationships with Kai and all ^^

OTP (or OT3+ etc…. just… favourite ship)

Hmm, I haven't really thought about it ¯_(ツ)_/¯

Other ships?

Yeah, haven't thought about it lol. I also don't know what kind of people she'd be into, or if she'd be into anyone at all, so I don't wanna assign her someone blindly haha :')

BROTP

Kai and Chey best siblings forever!!!!!! :D It's so good to compare and contrast them. And their dynamic too, lol, I'm sure the teasing is great. You may also include Sumi or Ryuji or Ann or Yusuke if you'd like, lol, that would be a sweet friend group :3

I also like the father-daughter thing she's got going on with Takuto hehe, it's cute ^^

NOTP

...... ¯_(ツ)_/¯

An assortment of headcanons!

Idk. Imagine Kai addressing her as bootlicker bc of Takuto lol. Imagine them having a sleepover with Sumi and they have the most ruthless pillow fight ever with poor Sumi stuck in the middle lol. Takuto tries to check on them but a pillow almost topples him over as soon as he walks in lol. Imagine playing harmless pranks on their dad like drawing on his face while he sleeps on the couch and stuff like that :3 Them just challenging each other to do increasingly stupid stuff and Takuto losing his mind trying to stop them lol.

#ask tag #kitsunephantom09 #others' ocs #kaito maruki #p5r spoilers #long post #oc tag

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terrainofheartfelt · 2 years

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🛒⛔️👀🤲✅ please!!! <3

🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc. Well, might as well pick a theme for your ask here, and go with: the dilf!dan cinematic universe. I guess there are lots of reasons for it, the first being that there is a real, evolutionary phenomenon that makes the image of a beautiful man being good with a baby irresistible. And, of course, there’s the heartbreaking precedence of canon, that opened this can of worms of Beautiful Man That’s Good With a Baby and slammed it shut quickly after, thereby forever leaving my imagination dissatisfied. And too, with GG specifically, parenthood and how children are shaped by their parents/haunted by the ghosts of their parents’ past and visions of their parents’ futures, and how there is really only one (1) good father in the dramatis personae and he’s only good to like, half his children, the narrative potential of a main character like Dan stepping out of the GG cycle of parenting and building a life and a family that defies it is sooooooo….delicious. The Milo plot specifically, in a show that emphasizes bloodlines and genetics and biological links, breaking that down to say, Dan is not the bio-father, but that doesn’t matter because the love and the connection is real—a marked contrast from say, bart and wvdw, who use their bio-dad cards as get-out-of-jail free ones all the time. Just…everything this theme says about family and parenthood being earned. And choosing to be there. And choosing to stay.

⛔ Do you have a fic you started, but scrapped? Oh, sure. I am kind of a — stickler, I guess? That if I start something I want to have finished it, so I am trying to be better at forgiving myself for the fics I don’t write. That being said, there is one. So I started a fic a couple months ago that was a story based off of these headcanons (dilf!dan AND dilf!nate cinematic universe!) but then a few things happened: I went on vacation so writing wasn’t really a thing that was happening because my big brother and I were having too much fun, then I contracted COVID whilst on vacation so when I got home I was too sick to anything but watch Netflix and drink water and lay around moaning, and then, I was beginning to emerge from the brain fog, the supreme court (fuck em!), and it was like…so the whole thing that the fic revolves around is adoption — which is great! It’s a great practice don’t get me wrong — and I just…didn’t have it in me to write an adoption-at-birth plot after that particular devastating political event. I still like the idea, so I guess I haven’t scrapped it completely, but it’ll probably be a while if I ever circle back to it.

👀 Tell me about an up and coming wip please! Ohhhhhh you are just trying to get me to talk about it publicly, I see you, S! But that’s fine, because I��ve been dying for an excuse.

Okay so the recent discourse in my ask box — spurred by Sena’s posts (ty sena I owe you my life tbh), and then prompted by you, actually, S (wow, this is so your fault <3) — was about Blair’s pregnancy arc on the show and the Grimaldis shitty behavior and I mentioned an abandoned LJ fic where to get away from Chuck and out of her engagement and free of the Grimaldis forever, Blair enlists Dan to help lie for her and say that the child she’s carrying is actually Dan’s. Ever since I read it and then was heartbroken to find it unfinished, I’ve wondered how that story was gonna go, and now I can’t stop thinking about it…so here we are.

I haven’t had much of a chance to make an outline and a plan, but generally what I am thinking now is starting in the weeds of 5x10 — the epicenter of everything that spurs the story for the rest of the season, honestly — and following through until the time that s5 ends (with a much happier ending for my faves, of course). Blair decides she wants out of the royal pipeline, and that she needs insurance/insulation from Chuck, and Dan is so stupid in love with her he’ll go along with any idiotic plot. Also like, as we’ve all joked, Dan WILL raise your baby no questions asked.

But it’s just…it’s gonna be a bear of thing to pull off. It will definitely end up longer than I mean it to be (hello, it me), and to do it I know I’m gonna have to deal with the Dair + Serena of it all, plus save Nate from the Spectator (#notmynate), get chip whiskers out of the fuckin way, acknowledge the train wreck of Ivy/Charlie/Lola, not to mention all the things about her pregnancy & motherhood that Blair avoids grappling with until she’s suddenly Not Pregnant. PLUS Dan’s choice being all tied up in the Milo Debacle and his novel and his love of Blair. Which is all gonna be hard.

But! The potential for the ROMANCE. Dilf!dan. Dair roommates. Dair doing three men and a baby except that it’s two-best-friends-who-are-in-love-but-don’t-know-how-to-handle-it and a baby.

🤲 Would you please share a snippet of a wip? Well, I’ve barely written much prose on the aforementioned wip, it’s just been basic outlining, stream of consciousness notes, and pitching scenes in your dms, but I’ll share a tidbit of the tiny bit I’ve written so far in my bullet points…

Rounded and big and unwieldy, she knows she’s well-past the benchmark of desirable now, but Dan holds her like she isn’t, touches her like she’s worth wanting, and kisses her until she wants to believe it.

✅ What’s something that appears in your fics over and over and over again, even if you don’t mean to? musical!Humphreys my beloved! Sometimes it is very much intentional and is the basis of the plot (see: orchestra au & date valentine oneshot), but sometimes it just creeps in. Like I said, my writing is very based in music, and even though my parents are amateur musicians, I related a lot to the Humphreys right off the dat because music seems such an integral part of the culture of their family, if that makes sense? And my brother and I growing up the way we did, with all the music literacy and piano lessons (later guitar for him) and everything that came with that, I cannot really imagine Dan and Jenny not being skilled musicians, even though they’ve chosen a different genre of art as their career path. It’s one of their character pillars, a piece of their personality that’s shaped them, so musicians!Humphreys always comes into play in a story whether it’s intentional or not

fic emoji asks!

#i am never more than six degrees removed from dan playing guitar in any given fic #have a long weekend coming up because it's my ~birthday~ and am very much looking forward to hiding from the heat tomorrow on my couch #and outlining this mess of a story in my head #fun fact for you guys at home the other night I enlisted S in helping me establish an actual timeline for Blair’s conception & pregnancy #and it was RIDICULOUS truly felt like that meme of charlie from it’s always sunny #it made me crazy but in like a ‘damn it I will MAKE this make sense fuck you’#anyways thank you S for your service #my attitude approaching this wip really IS that joke though #‘this is an on fire garbage can…could be a nursery…’#asks #strideofpride #if nobody got me i know tumblr user strideofpride got me #I know just how I want to end it though #so that's something at least

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blahandwhatever · 11 days

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In the latest round of parent roulette, I paid my mother a visit that turned out to be mostly a big round of questioning and undermining of my life choices - instigated by a debt collection letter sent to my parents' address that my father had opened. I feel assaulted. Hopefully I'll shake it off soon.

Part of me cares less than it used to and wants to just brush it off, knowing how hopeless it is to expect either of them to not sometimes behave in unhealthy ways, and knowing that much of this will go away when I'm in a better financial situation again - and knowing, also, where some of my mother's concerns are coming from, and that some of them are valid, though she dramatizes and catastrophizes everything, and sometimes veers into the exhausting, exhausting realm of things about me she simply cannot comprehend or perceive as possibly making sense, getting into the whole misguided lamentation of how I'm so smart and Wasting my Potential (because how could such an underwhelming job and life be right for someone so smart), or the incomprehension of how someone so intelligent could be so bad with money (different types of intelligence, different types of personality, different values and priorities, god). And part of me is uhh... just so done with this shit and wants to put my foot down.

But Mother's Day is coming up - right when I would love nothing more than a long break from my mother - and I'd like that to be a pleasant affair, though I don't know what my mother will be like, and don't know how pleasant I'll be able to be.

As if that weren't enough of a family time crucible, my grandfather's name day is also coming up, and that's always sort of a big deal, and my father has urged me to attend because my grandfather's in bad shape and we don't know how much (lucid) time he has left. It has been forever since I saw my father's family, and that's reasonable enough, it's just, ugh, the timing.

Overall, it feels like there's a lot going on right now and a lot of pressure for the next week, between the family things and the flower shopping and work and studies and the chores I've fallen behind on again - plus I'm doing another of those social media gigs I did in October, which I want to get done by next weekend, (oh and there's free admission at the botanic garden this week god) and ugh, I am feeling pretty crunched, and as always, I have no wine when I need it most.

Bonus rounds of shittiness for the day: beholding and learning disgusting new things about the world, specifically pertaining to the scourge that is insect larvae - something I've generally considered myself lucky to somehow never be exposed to despite the pervasiveness of insects in the world yet which, curiously, framed the beginning and end of this shitty day in two unrelated ways. I mean, good job with the tone-setting motifs, universe, gotta hand it to ya.

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my-secret-diary-shhh-it-a-secwet · 18 days

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Who I am

I realize in order to build a community it is important to get people to care about me to begin with; idk how successful I can be in that regard, but here I go:

My name is November.

I was born a long time ago in a land far far away... When I was a kid I would search up "free games" on internet explorer and that was my first experience in gaming. I still remember being stuck on hard levels and asking my parents to help me beat them.

Some of those games still live rent free in my head.

At one point I had a Nintendo 3DS, a Wii, and a Play Station; all which I somehow broke XD. I also remember playing plenty of NES games even though I never owned one, so that's weird.

My dad would play games often since he had a remote job, which is why as I grew up I got into gaming more and more by watching him play stuff and wanting to play myself.

Some notable mentions I loved and fondly remember to this day, and probably shaped what I value in games to some degree: -King's Bounty: The Legend, Epic Mickey, Club Penguin, Deus Ex: Human Revolution, Grim Fandango, StarCraft II, Skyrim.

As I got older my hobby started to shift into escapism as I was struggling due to not having friends in School, it's around that time I got into more involved games such as HoTS, LoL, WoW, and FF14.

WoW was a game I spent a lot of time in. When you are struggling IRL and a game treats you like dogship... it sucks LOL.

This definitely pushed me to desire more from gaming and desire for everyone, not just me, to allow themselves to have higher standards!

Alas, I am doing something about it! I will do everything I can to help the gaming Industry be better, and treat the players of the games I make like the Kings and Queens that they are!

Game Design

In my early life I mostly would play games, I always had that bug that wanted to make games of her own, but I did that mostly IRL with my friends, making up games; and also making up board games.

During my early school life Club Penguin got really popular and that was a huge deal; I remember all of my friends were playing that game, and this would low-key be my first experience with an MMO.

At one point, though, I got acquainted with Scratch in school and I absolutely loved it! I installed it at home and was able to make actual games in there.

This opened my eyes since it was like something I had always wanted to do all my life had just been presented to me and I hadn't even been aware of it until this moment.

I remember making a couple of games on Scratch which were actually kinda poggers... I wish I still got a hold of them.

Eventually, I wanted to make a 3D game though; and while trying to make one in Scratch I started thinking about how I would even export it to begin with, and realized I couldn't, at least as far as little me was able to find. That was my first roadblock!

So I low-key gave up on that for a while; I continued to grow up, hang out with friends and do school stuffs; at this point the games i got to play were the games my dad would install at home for himself; I'd watch him play and would want to play myself; which I did!

At one point, I got back my desire to make games, one game in particular; recently I'd played a little bit of "Evolve", which absolutely fired up by drive and passion for making games; I saw insane potential in that game but the game itself was not what I was hoping it would be; that is what I wanted to make.

What I envisioned was an evolution game, similar to spore, but taken up a notch; this is a game I still wish to make one day, but it is extremely out there and absolutely... insane for today's standards.

Even little me, who was NOT grounded in reality, realized the game was too ambitious; and so I decided to make something similar but in a smaller scale.

Around that time I had a bunch of games in my phone. Phones were kinda the new thing around that time, I mean smartphones and the playstore; because obvi phones themselves were old news.

Sidetracking aside, I was super into phone games, so I decided to give that a shot; little me thought that was the future.

My dad got be aquainted with some programming software to make mobile games as well as Java; it didn't really click it...

Lucky for me, I found out about Unity while taking a Java curse; it was a poster that was stuck on a wall.

And so I decided to install Unity!

I legit do not remember at all how Unity worked... but I managed to get stuff done! I made a cute little game of a worm that would jump bricks when u tapped the screen, and every x bricks it would get to evolve (grow limbs, stuff like that). Now, I didn't actually get to do any of that XD. I did not like Unity.

At this point, I found out more about game development software through youtube and decided to give Unreal Engine a shot. I remember watching a bunch of Unity vs Unreal videos and ngl, making the switch was the best decision I ever did!

Unreal was game changing due to the visual scripting; now, I should mention most Unreal engine tutorials aren't actually... good. Not at all, ofc little me didn't know that! But that didn't matter, because this allowed me to some very bad games, but games!

I never did get to finish up that little worm game cuz around that time I imagine my brain was continuing to develop and I realized my game sucked and was boring.

I made a couple of other games after that; but I believe all of them suffered from the same thing. Looking back at it, I find it hard to believe I at one point thought those games were fun.. because they weren't.

I was getting smarter and all around, growing up around that time; and by the time I was halfway done with the games reality would hit me and I would realize I was making smth meh.

I look back fondly to all of them though. And what truly matters is that those games gave experience. There are SOO many ways in which you can make really inefficient stuff in the Engine, all of which i learned over that period of time.

Even though my game development journey was getting to a halt, I did continue to make apps in the Unreal Engine, usually stuff I'd need, like a clock; I once made a clock; I still have it! It's got She-Ra as the background XD. I was 16. It's based though.

Around this time, a lot of stuff was happening in my life, I was in High School and University was around the cornet, and by the time I left High School I stopped making games to instead focus on University.

I was still using the Engine for misc stuff, so experience did not halt during this period of time.

Something I got really big into doing around this time was Game Design as a thing. I was already familiar, low-key, on how games worked underneath; so I would make a bunch of folders with game ideas I had; I no-cap have like a dozen folders each with a proper game inside with a lot of excel and notepad files.

It's all theoretical ofc, but that is still a lot of potential games!

I designed Pandora during University, I was playing a bunch of WoW and basically Pandora is heavily inspired by both WoW and FF14.

An issue I had with WoW is blizzard sucks, I do not feel shy to say that; they once were awesome now they genuinely have lost all touch with their playerbase and the people making the games, it is clear they do not paly games and have no clue what they are doing.

But they are still successful! Why? Because what else can you do? Wanna play a game similar to WoW? You can't, there isn't one; there are many MMORPGS, but WoW's gameplay is still fairly unique.

I tried out FF14 around this time, kind of a thing around that time 'WoW refugees'. I love FF14 but it boils down to what I previously said, it is a different kind of an MMORPG. There is a bone in my body that craves for gameplay like WoW has; and FF14 gameplay is drastically different. All around love the game though.

So yeah, around this time I designed Pandora; it was based on all the things I loved about WoW, and all the things I loved about FF14. It is still mostly essentially "WoW, but better".

A lot of people are trying to move away from WoW, make something new and different. I say, we haven't even gotten to see "WoW, but good"; I want to see "WoW, but good" before moving forward.

Pandora has gone through a lot of changes since then, over a BUNCH of years, roughly 5 years from start to where it is now.

But anyways, Pandora was not the the last game I designed, and I had no plans to make it a reality around this time. I just loved the release of making games in paper and having them look pweatty!

It wasn't until the moment I dropped out from University that I decided to take Game Development seriously.

I need to get a bit dark though, for you to truly understand me at this moment in time. Throughout the years I was in university I had a bunch of issues and dwindled with self-termination, livin-no-mow. Why? Many reasons which can be summed up to not feeling like there was anything for me to do with my life.

University itself was meh, it disappointed me, and I did not like the environment. I low-key felt out of place; I went in for engineering and I both did not feel like I belonged; and the curriculum disappointed me. I wanted to learn about making robots and stuff, not about what some old dude from the 1780s thought about ethics and stuff; on top of that there was one dude in particular who was super obnoxious and would dismiss everything I'd say and I'd hate it and I was put in a group project with him and it sucked!

All around, it was a double punch. Both the social aspect of it was meh, and the curriculum aspect of it was meh. Not for me.

On top of that I was struggling with self-esteem issues and being given a punch of reality. The things I wanted to achieve were so out there and impossible. I like wanted to make super cool sci-fi stuff and at this point I was realizing that was kinda fantasy...

I just wanted a re-do, basically, it never was a 'I'm sad' thing. It was just a... "I don't want to do this, I want a new life".

I tried to, but failed... multiple times. The last time I failed was big... I started crying uncontrollably. And I felt utterly useless. Because it was like... How can I not even do this?

It is at this point that I started looking for solutions. "I can't do the livin-no-mow because of skill-issue, so what now". I was low-key forced to confront life and decide what I was actually going to do with it.

I decided to put my life together, work on some personal stuff, and mostly think of a plan for my future; it is at this point that I thought about game development, again. I looked back at it because it was the only thing that had truly been a driving force in my life, a true passion, something I would genuinely like to do for a living.

So I went to all the folders with all the games I had designed and thought to myself "Ok nova, which ones of this can you actually make".

And yeap... believe it or not Pandora stood out. I did have some single player RPGs and a bunch of in-theory easy games. But I know Pandora, and it low-key was the easiest one to develop.

It may come to a shock that an MMORPG would be that. But it is not the same as other MMORPGs; the content Pandora has is mostly player-made. PvP is essentially free content, all that is needed is classes, gameplay, PvP solves itself.

The only thing that I would need to do is some instanced areas, a world map, classes, items; if u care about this u can check the Kickstarter, I def cannot summ it up in a single paragraph.

Point is that, Pandora was, somehow, the easiest one of the games I had, so I decided: "OK, let's do this".

I set out a huge to-do list with all of the aspects of the game and started by solving the only real issue I had with it.

The 'Online' aspect of it.

That was like... I couldn't understand it. Over the next 6 months though, I came to understand it!

I am someone who doesn't get things unless she gets them at their core. I cannot understand a tutorial for something unless I understand what is actually going on under the hood. Figuring out networking in Unreal Engine was really hard, but I somehow got it done.

I installed Unreal from the source and all of that and made a total of 9 different projects, each coming to be one part of the server infrastructure. I tested it out with a shipping build and it worked!

This was a huge breakthrough, because what I had in my hands was essentially an MMO, just no content on it... but essentially people from all around the globe could make an account, log in, and be distributed along a bunch of servers and do nothing but chat looking at a black screen once they are in a world... pretty lame content.

At this point smth bad happened though, I became discouraged. I realized the game itself was WAYYY bigger than I imagined. It's still easier than other games i had, but it was just too huge. This goes to show the other games I had were simply bigger and scale and Pandora wasn't actually tiny to begin with.

So I went back into WoW, yeap; I actually made a guild and all, it was some fun times. But eventually my fire was lit again... because it sucked. It didn't... I liked it. But...

WoW is essentially a fantastic game that could be super awesome if the people in charge simply allowed it to be, but they don't.

It is essentially a piece of cake inside a toilet; the cake is great! the toilet isn't, but u're forced to eat out of it.

So, fire lit and all of that, I came back onto Pandora.

At this point I had a realization. I am good at some stuff. It is simply not viable for me to do everything.

I do know how to make all of the aspects of the game, I am just not very good at anything other than the coding and game design part. If I was to make the models... they'd look ugly af.

Essentially if I want models, I am better off hiring a modeler.

A bunch of stuff happened, but ultimately, I decided to find a group of people who can make this happen, which I did; and to make a Kickstarter to be able to hire them! Which I did!

This is where we are at. If you want to ever play 'WoW, but good', help me make it! If you want to help me, help me share it!

#personal

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