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if-loves · 28 days

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etude op. 10 no. 4 (torrent)

// Yandere Dr Ratio

Sum: When the rain falls, so too does your tears.

wc: 3278

warnings: implied depression, suicidal thoughts, implied suicide attempt, ooc ratio probably

a/n: sorry for the disappearance LMAO uni was holding me by the neck and not in the way i enjoy

also this was a whole load of yapping ngl maybe i projected too much xd

also pls let me know if i missed any tags!! i’d hate to mistag/forget any cw tags

likes & reblogs are appreciated! asks are more than welcome ❤️

As a student with the honor of studying directly under the one and only Veritas Ratio, you’re more than used to the bluntness of his words and his marking. After all, he’s the Dr Veritas Ratio, arguably one of the most intelligent people, beings even, in the cosmos, and you’re just a mere academic. Sure, you’ve had your theories and whatnot, but compared to someone like Dr Ratio you’re basically a child.

Everyone tells you that you’re incredibly fortunate to be able to have someone as prestiged as him as your tutor, that you would take advantage of the opportunity and use it to further your own studies and knowledge, but you’re not quite sure if furthering your studies is truly what you desire. Coming to university was already an expectation from your parents, who in their right mind would reject them when they’ve already saved all that money exclusively for your studies?

You don’t think yourself to be especially smart or gifted in anything. To yourself, you are just a regular person who will go on to graduate, find a job, and maybe settle down if you were given the chance. You don’t expect much for and from yourself.

However, Dr Ratio clearly seems to think otherwise; or else why would he choose you of all people to be under his tutelage?

It has been almost twelve cycles of the moon, and you have yet to figure out why. The agreed period of mentoring is coming to its end, and he expects a full length thesis and three separate reports from you concerning your studies and experience under him, and you cannot for the life of you think of anything that could ever satisfy him. In the whole period of his guidance, he has never once scored you above a low thirties. The more it happened, the more you thought it was more of a him issue than yours - but that’s what people who can’t take criticism say, so perhaps you’ll refrain from thinking that thought.

The sun had long set, leaving your side of the planet at the mercy of the night. In front of you, a too-bright screen from your laptop glares at you with a blank page, as if demanding you finally do something instead of staring out of the window wistfully as if you were some widow lamenting the loss of her husband.

It takes you everything not to just give up and curl up in the warmth of your bed.

With the nth sigh of the day, you woefully start typing, frustration in the pits of your mind. What in the world could you even write about, anyway? The spinning of the sun? No, you’re sure there’s thousands of papers written about that, similarly for the moon; you’re not one for mathematics either, so that was out of the question. Science isn’t really your forte either, so your options for a paper that would gain Dr Ratio’s approval is about zero. Maybe you should just drop out.

When the world is asleep, you remain awake, and so too does something else.

~~~

There are still a few days left before your thesis and reports are to be submitted, and you can’t help but feel like you’ve written utter nonsense.

What in the world are you talking about? Even you didn’t know. Something about some mythicised substance known as Xuixzedlm, that’s apparently supposed to be what the deep oceans of your world is made of, but none have been able to explore said oceans due to their size, toxicity and the creatures lurking beneath its surface. In fact, almost 99% of the oceans have remained unexplored.

You kind of regret choosing such a substance to be the main part of your thesis, considering how little information there is of it. Sure, the main point of a thesis is to propose a theory to be proved, but for something like this where the research is extremely minimal, you’ve ended up circling back to your previous points due to the lack of ideas and, of course, proven research. Not that he’d care about your excuses.

Your days leading up to the submission date are spent typing, deleting, and referencing your paper. You’re a little less stressed about the report because it didn’t exactly require the same thinking as a thesis did, so you managed to finish those in a week. You’d still need to proofread them a few more times to ensure grammar and whatnot was perfect, but ultimately, its priority was far lower on your list.

However, something odd has happened recently.

One evening when you had finally arrived back home after spending most of the day at one of the university’s libraries, you found a silver key with lilac purple highlights and a strange symbol in the middle. You’d asked your parents, but they hadn’t a clue either, leading to some concern that your room may have been broken into. There were a few off parts about that theory, some being that none of your belongings were missing, there was no evidence of lock tampering on your windows, and most of all, why said person would leave an expensive and important looking key on your table.

The sudden and suspicious appearance of the key led to you keeping it on your person at all times, for a reason you’re not exactly quite sure of other than because it felt right. There’s an inexplicable familiarity to it, as if it belongs to you, but you can never seem to recall where you’ve seen it before, if you ever have in the first place.

Another weird thing has been happening ever since you found the key - you’ve been feeling a strange desire to enter the toxic ocean.

The sounds of the waves splashing against the shore invites you in your dreams, and you always take a step forward, one step after another until the water almost touches your toes. The sun is setting upon you, the breeze gently blowing; the sight in front of you is the picture of ethereal. Just as you take one more step, just as you fall into the abyss, someone pulls you back and you are jolted awake.

Scholars say dreams are the subconscious taking its turn, toying with fantasies and fears indiscriminately. Sometimes they mix, giving birth to hopes that only end in hopelessness, happiness that only ends in despair. If this is true, does your subconscious desire death?

~~~

Veritas Ratio has always thought himself as logical. Most have thought the same of him as well, the rest thinking him some sharp-tongued snake that will not hesitate to bite them should he see fit.

When it comes to you however, he feels an unexplainable feeling in his chest and head, a desire that has only grown since the moment he chose you to be under his guidance for a year. His harshness may not reflect it, but it is merely his way of showing he cares - by being extra critical of your work so that you know how to improve. Veritas Ratio truly wants nothing but the best for a student like you.

Lately, this feeling has grown much in size and desire, leaving him finding trouble in resisting it. It lingers like a persistent headache, and acts up when you are around, leaving him in a constant battle for retention of sanity. His mental fortitude currently leaves him with the upper hand, but who knows for how long.

For someone who prides themself on being logical, he sure feels illogical as he stares at your student ID photo.

It’s one of your least flattering pictures he’s sure, but he finds himself staring at it all the same. The nuisance in his head keeps telling him frankly worrisome thoughts, but he feels no desire to act upon them… at least, the sane part of him doesn’t.

He knows there’s something special about you, and some selfish part of him doesn’t want this mentorship to end, to let you go. There’s no way of being able to guarantee ever seeing you again, so what if…

No. Irrationality has no place in his ideals, let alone in his life.

~~~

You’ve submitted your thesis and reports to him, and now you sit in front of him with your heart pounding in your chest. Is there anything scarier than the judgment of your teacher?

Your hands are laid on your lap, the key in your pocket. The coldness of it transcends the fabric of your pants, a constant reminder of the mystery it holds, and the thoughts it brings. Even now, you find your heart yearning for the sea.

You’re afraid to look at him. You’re afraid of what his expression could tell you, of the disapproval you’re expecting. You’re afraid of disappointing him once again, afraid of his rejection and the harsh words that will inevitably leave his lips. He will berate you once more, and you will be left to silently take it because truthfully, you know he’s right.

The silence continues, and you feel a sudden dizziness and the urge to throw up. You wish the sea would swallow you whole.

“I do not have enough time to finish reviewing everything today, so proper feedback will be given one week from now in person. As for the next few days, they shall continue as normal, as you are still under my tutelage. Do not forget, you still have readings to finish before tomorrow’s class.” He shuts his laptop and takes his alabaster head with him, once again leaving you to drown in the torrent of self-deprecation.

The sea embraces all, doesn’t it? It will lap up all those who dare to offer it their lives, no matter what achievements the person has made in their life, no matter if they are even a person at all. The sea… welcomes all.

(It’ll welcome you, right?)

~~~

After you left the university, you found yourself on the train to the beach. Night is upon the city, but the ocean doesn’t sleep.

People filter out of the trains one by one, until only you are left in the carriage. Announcement after announcement of stops and the sound of the train’s wheels scraping the tracks below it are the only disturbances in the otherwise peaceful silence. Despite the quietness, you cannot hear yourself. The key in your pocket feels like it is burning itself into your skin, but it is also the only thing keeping you awake, a reminder that you are still alive.

You wonder if the ocean too will eat the key, or if it will sink into its depths. Will you sink to the depths?

The train stops at its end, and your legs automatically move. You walk until you hear the sound of waves crashing onto the shore, until you are stopped by a barrier. In an act of madness (or is it desire?), you scale the wall until there is no more to scale, until you see the other side.

There is a certain beauty about the ocean that you can’t quite describe to anyone, that pictures cannot replicate. It brings you a sense of peace, like all will be right in the world. If you could just…

The jump down from the barrier is no easy task. It is a long way down, and the sand can only soften the drop so much; yet, you jump.

Something hurts, but you’re enamored by the sparkling surface of the water. It beckons you, inviting you to a new world beneath its surface, a place to be free of all worries and pains. A place to sleep peacefully, no nightmares or dreams to plague you. It offers you everything the world cannot.

You feel your bag drop off your shoulders, like a weight lifted. A hand takes the key out, holding it tightly as you walk towards the promise of a home. What mysteries will be answered by this new world?

You’d like to apologize to your parents for the disappointment that you are. You had neither the mental fortitude nor the drive to be a success, and you’d like to apologize to Dr Ratio for wasting a year’s worth of his time on an incompetent student like you. His time would have been better spent on honor students, not a mundane, average student like you. You are destined to be just another cog in the wheel, and once you rust, you will be thrown out just like everyone else has and will be.

You find yourself a step away from the water, just like in your dream. You think you see a door. The key in your hand burns hotter. The world pauses. You take a step.

The feeling of the liquid never comes, but being pulled does.

“Just what in the universe are you thinking?!” This voice… is familiar. This voice… Who is it? It can’t be Dr Ratio, no…

But those amber eyes, so familiar, it has to be…

But why? Why?

“I…” Words fail you, just like they always have. What could you possibly say to him? He must think you mad, unfit to graduate, unfit to live perhaps.

“Do you wish to be swallowed by the gaping abyss? For what? To prove the existence of Xuixzedlm? Do you think your life so worthless that you think sacrificing it for nothing is what will make it meaningful?!” He is… angry. You’ve never seen him like this. Dr Ratio doesn’t get angry. “So? Say something, anything, that could possibly help me understand why you’d attempt such an act of foolishness!”

“Why does it matter to you?!” You shout, wringing your arm free from his tight grip. He has pulled you far enough from the gentle ocean, far away from the door. You look back at it, and it remains floating above the water. The key is still in your hand.

“Are you so dull that you need to ask such a useless question?” He scoffs. He moves to grab your arm again, but you instinctively bring the hand holding the key to your chest, afraid that he would take it from you. His eyes, shades of intense amber, follow your hand and lock on to the key you hold. He frowns.

“Yes! Yes, I am! I am so utterly stupid that teaching me is a waste of time, that you should leave me alone! If… if I wasn’t here, then there’d be one less stupid person in the universe! Isn’t that what you want?” Are tears running down your face, or is the sky weeping on your behalf?

He stares at you, and his lips do not move. It goes on like this, until you are both drenched in the rain, clothes wet and only the tempting sound of the ocean, and the pitter-patter of raindrops blending into the dark waters. Moonlight briefly shines upon the both of you, and you see his face clear - there is no anger, only contemplation.

“If you have nothing more to say, then leave me alone.” You turn around and set your sights upon the floating door once more, the key still held to your heart. With a resolved mind, you once more walk towards the beckoning arms of the abyss, the promise of no tomorrow.

Dr Ratio doesn’t stop you until you are one foot in the water. There is a searing pain, but you are one step closer to the door, to a stagnancy that life could never offer you. You are one foot in the water when a familiar symbol appears on the door, like an eye staring at you. You are one foot out of the water when you realize what it is.

“You have lost your mind.” He says, pointedly. You struggle in his grip, but he doesn’t falter. If anything, his hold only tightens. The pain from the water is nothing compared to the pain of losing freedom.

“Let- me- GO!” You desperately push against his chest, legs swinging. Why couldn’t he just let you go? Why did he care so much? What value do you bring to him, other than more evidence that he is far more blessed than the rest of the universe ever could be?

“Struggling will do you no good. Stay still, and I would not have to restrain you like this.” He glares at you from the corner of his eye as he brings you further away from your salvation, and the final straw is when he wrestles the key out of your hand. You’re inconsolable as he takes you past the barrier, brings you to his vehicle, and takes you to the place you can only assume is his apartment.

You let him guide you to the bath and clean your injured foot with a gentleness that is unbecoming of him, and he runs you a bath all while you grieve. Both of you say nothing as he treats you like a child, and you let him bind you to the bedpost without any struggle. To struggle is to fight, to fight is to have a desire to spread your wings; you lost that the moment he took you away.

Dr Ratio, or rather Veritas as he insists you call him, has shown you such a different side of him that you don’t know what to make of it. He holds you at night like you’re lovers, kisses you like he means it. He dutifully takes care of you, and you do not respond in kind. Despite this, he treats you all the same, with no trace of the Dr Ratio you’ve known for the last year, and only of the Veritas that you’ve met ever since that night.

You never see the key again.

~~~

One day, he has packed up everything. You briefly wonder if this meant that he’d be leaving you behind, but to your disappointment, he brings you along. He has cuffed you to himself, a reminder of the rights you have lost when you let him have his way with you.

“Veritas,” his name tastes like poison. “Where are we going?”

“The IPC has assigned me to Penacony, the land of dreams.” He responds without hesitation, turning to face you. “Naturally, you’ll be coming with me.”

You want to say no. You want him to leave you here, to give you back your key, to bring you back to the sea. The scar on your foot is a reminder of what could’ve been, what he has taken from you, and you haven’t - or rather, will never - forgive him. He will never deserve your forgiveness.

“Have… have you told my family?” You whisper, your throat as dry as the sand on the beach. Your hands fidget, and you find yourself unable to look at him; but truthfully, you don’t need to. He has ensured that every part of him has been engraved into the depths of your brain, and carved into your heart.

“…There is no point dwelling on the past. I am your family now. Clinging to such bygones will only serve to erode your mind, and limit your ability to live life.” He is firm, sounding more like the Dr Ratio you knew. He holds the hand that he has chained to his own and brings it to lips, the band of silver gleaming in the sunlight. It is a reminder. A firm, cruel, reminder of who he really is.

Veritas Ratio is nothing more than an illogical, selfish, arrogant, cruel and lovesick beast who allowed his heart (if you could even call it that) to take the reins.

Veritas Ratio is nothing more than a liar.

#honkai star rail #yandere #yandere honkai star rail #yandere hsr #hsr #dr ratio #veritas ratio #ratio x reader #yandere dr ratio #yandere veritas ratio #yandere x reader #cw depression #cw sui ideation #cw sui thoughts #cw sui attempt

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queerlymasculine · 3 days

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What My 24/7 D/s Dynamic Is Like (no, it's not like that)

what up, gamers, my name is Seth

I'm a man in my 30s, and the other day, I realized that I'm in a 24/7 dynamic with my partner and dom. now, you might be wondering - and justifiably so - how I didn't know that, and you would be even more justified to be extremely skeptical of my intellectual capacity when you learn that I've been with my partner for almost three and a half years and our dynamic existed from the beginning lmao

but here's why: my 24/7 dynamic does not look like any definition or description of a 24/7 dynamic that I have ever heard or read.

whenever I heard about any kind of kink being 24/7, it was usually - but not always - in the context of total power exchange (TPE). if it wasn't a 24/7 TPE, the seemingly most important defining characteristic of a 24/7 dynamic was the emphasis on rules that one partner follows even when another is not (others are not) present. these rules could be sexual in nature or not but often or usually included both.

routine was another defining characteristic. one partner adheres to the rules or routine governing certain activities (getting up, bedtime routine, etc.) at all times. the routine wouldn't always be an everyday routine, but every time X condition applied, you do Y and Z, and the consequence of noncompliance* is punishment of some kind, whatever was decided upon by all parties. compliance was often rewarded but not always or at least not part of the established plan.

Sometimes the rules and routine could relate to domestic duties. Sometimes a person would have to keep their partner(s) updated about whether they were following the rules.

The narrative was always one of control, of restriction, of limitation. whether these themes were explicit is beside the point. you can't do this, you have to do this by or before this time, etc. It was one partner telling the other no.

And that............. is not for me. good on you if it's your jam and you're able to negotiate a scenario that hits all your buttons, but it's not for me.

I don't enjoy rules. I don't like having the specter of failure lurking in the back of my mind. I don't want to live with the anxiety that comes with the potential to disappoint someone I care about very deeply, whose opinion of me truly matters to me. I don't want to be deprived of the flexibility to dictate the rhythm of my day.

and you know what, I just don't want to be told what to do during my everyday life. I don't want someone telling me I should be punished for making choices I'm entitled to make as an adult. the idea of having my autonomy limited in any way genuinely pisses me off. there is no world in which rules between me and a partner are anything but inevitable sources of guilt, shame, fear, self loathing, and misery.

similarly, an established routine is quite frankly incompatible with my brain. there would legitimately be no point in even trying. but honestly, the real reason I hate the very idea of it is because a scenario in an interpersonal relation where there is some kind of expectation regarding how I choose to spend my time and the possibility of negative consequences for failure to comply is an inherently coercive and miserable situation to me. I know a lot of people want a little help achieving certain goals - maybe having a consistent sleep schedule or being more consistently on time for things, whatever it might be - because those kinds of things can be really hard and being accountable to someone else motivates them, and that's great for them, but that's not how it works for me. I'm independent. if I am going to do something, it is will be the result of an active choice that I have made. other people's opinions or feelings on the matter are never significant factors in my decisionmaking process. they never have been. my entire life has been a series of decisions I have made to build for myself a life worth living when the people around me wanted me to accept conditions that might have killed me if given enough time. I'm not exaggerating.

this applies not only to big decisions but also the small, everyday ones. for example, I'm trying to eat takeout only once a week. I'm sure I don't have to tell any of you that anything more than that is really expensive and most likely inconsistent with reasonable health outcomes lol

some people might get a lot of value out of coming up with an agreement with their partner to help them stick to that goal, and honestly, I can understand how that might be helpful for someone, if that's your jam.

but here's where I differ: the significance of my decision to be mindful of my money and advance my health goals is derived entirely and exclusively from the fact that I am actively choosing those things every single day to the best of my ability. that I can just as easily and without external consequence choose to get food delivered three times a week is a crucial part of the equation.

okay real talk I literally just had a revelation as I work on this post. I realized that the problem with the imposition of rules and routine intended to result in me taking care of myself is how it makes self care compulsory. I would not be doing it for myself; I would be doing it to avoid punishment, disappointment, etc.

And that's just........ not good. that is the opposite of self care. self care isn't what happens if you just check the right items (and enough of them) off a to-do list. it's not the inevitable product of doing a specific number of specific actions.

anyway, back to my point--

so, you're probably still asking exactly how it took me three and a half years to realize I'm in a 24/7 dynamic.

well, it's because we don't do any of the shit I used to associate with the idea of a 24/7 dynamic.

rules? we don't have them. we don't play with anything even remotely close to that universe, not even when we're joking around. really.

routines? nope.

tasks I am required to do? no. tasks that my partner would like it if I did? no.

punishment if I do/don't do something specific during a play session or in the course of a regular day? no. we don't even play with the language of punishment, discipline, correction, etc. we're not interested.

so, the question remains --

what does a 24/7 dynamic look like if those elements are not present?

uhh we both work full time and live in different states so... there is that. in terms of what occupies the overwhelming majority of my time and energy, from an external perspective, I am doing what I would be doing on my own. I work, I play video games, I spend time with my friends, I go to therapy.

now that I'm trying to explain it, I'm struggling to find words.

it's the way we relate to each other, the way we interact. a mutual understanding of what we have decided to build together. it's so simple and straightforward and profound in its simplicity -- ze takes care of me, I let hir take care of me.

it probably sounds like I'm getting the better end of the deal. after all, the sentence I wrote kind of makes it seem like I'm the passive beneficiary of hir love and efforts, offering nothing in return. I wouldn't be surprised if someone thought, "What's in it for hir?"

and that's the thing.

it's not an exchange. it's not a deal, it's not a bargain. there's no admission fee, no price to pay. I haven't given anything up, and ze hasn't taken anything away.

I feel like this will be incomprehensible to many people and even not qualify as kink to a few.

ze wants to take care of me. ze wants to call me sweet thing and tell me I'm a good man and a good boy, and I want hir to say those things to me. I want to be safe, I want to feel safe, and ze is safe, and with hir, who I am and what I am, my feelings, my thoughts, my fears -- it's okay. I don't have to be pleasant and sunny if I'm actually feeling grumpy. I can feel grumpy, and I can express that I'm grumpy instead of packing it all away so it doesn't kill the mood.

there's no threat of failure, no standards to conform to, no goals to achieve, no expectations to meet. we're just gentle and sweet to each other, that's all.

I'm hirs, yes, ze owns me, that's the language we have chosen to use, but it would be a mistake to try and understand our dynamic through the lens of capitalism. capitalism cannot comprehend ownership devoid of exploitation, and thus, many people would not consider this ownership. after all, capitalist ownership is about control, it's defined by the right to control and make decisions about your property, and ze doesn't make any decisions for me. so how is that ownership?

exactly.

also, 24/7 dynamics that other people have have always sounded like so much fucking work to me. what we have is so natural and easy. it's easy to be sweet and gentle with hir. ze is easy to talk to. ze is easy to trust. the hardest part of this relationship has been learning to allow myself to ask for what I want and what I need and not judging myself for daring to want or need something. actually getting and giving what I want and need is easy.

anyway. it's been a long day and my brain is tired. I just wanted to share all this so hopefully fewer people will walk around with the misconception that kink is only one specific thing or the idea that you have to give things up in order to get what you are looking for. you don't have to.

oh and by the way this shouldn't be understood or interpreted as some kind of commentary on anyone else's relationship. it's a description and explanation of my relationship and why it works for me and my partner.

*to me, compliance/noncompliance are not the same concepts as obedience/disobedience. You can comply with the rules but find ways to subvert the spirit of them if you get creative and believe in yourself.

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fonulyn · 9 months

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I just want to say I’m literally obsessed with your fic where Chris and piers find out about Leon being pressured into becoming an agent. I think that’s such a huge sad plot point that gets looked over and none of the other characters know. No one else knows that this traumatized 21 year old rookie was forced to become an special agent under threat of killing a child. I wish so badly it was explored more in fandom and game.

ansjdkfn first of all, thank you 💖 i'm so happy to hear something i wrote resonated with someone!

and i agree, i wish it was addressed in canon properly, and I wish the fandom remembered it more. there are so many Hot Takes out there that just ignore that he didn't choose to be a hotshot agent but was literally forced to take the job. (and that's something else I wish was talked about more! how he chose to sacrifice himself for a girl he barely knew! that is a good man, damnit)

it'd be so interesting to see the reactions from other characters, too! everyone else had some agency over their choices, got to do what they felt was right and choose the path suitable for them. aside from Sherry, of course, who was a victim of this same shitshow too. and that's just another added layer of hurt to Leon's situation.

personally, i've hinted at that in like two dozen of my fics lol because it's just such an integral part of Leon that anything that isn't a straight up pwp or pointless fluff somehow ends at least referencing it. and i'm gonna use this moment as a shameless self-promo :'D lmao.

but yeah, the fic that was already mentioned: where the past meets the future, which is an ot3 fic specifically with the premise of Chris and Piers finding out about Leon's recruitment.

I also wrote about Leon telling Piers about that in the self-indulgent series in you're the world that i wanna discover. there's a lot of fluff lol but then at the end there's That Conversation. there's also a small scene of Leon telling Sherry about it further in the same series in happiness is made not found.

then there's of course question all my doubts, although it's less Leon getting to open up about the recruitment and more Krauser throwing it in his face but 😅

for something that's so often in my mind I haven't utilized it a lot in fic, either. but it's always there, lurking in the background, and it's vaguely referenced and offhandedly mentioned much more than these. still. Leon's been through so damn much shit that i guess it's natural for some of it to slip past and get less attention.

anyhow! this is me rambling and saying that i absolutely agree it'd be wonderful to see more of it :3

#unleashed111 #ask and i shall answer #re answers #me and my fics #leon s kennedy

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recreancyrpg · 2 years

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WELCOME TO RECREANCY, GABE!

You have been accepted for the role of ANDROMEDA TONKS!

It's not that she believes in this stupid blood supremacy, she doesn't! But this is part of her mental gymnastics, she still has the voice in the back of her head that so often whispers: you are a Black, you are better than. And in a conscious effort, she puts her husband, the one person she admires the most over all else, into the spot of everyone else. Of course muggleborns are powerful – Ted is. Of course muggleborns deserve equal rights – Ted does. Of course she's going to fight this war for them – Ted's one of them. At the end of the day, if she needs this direct reference, can one even say she has truly broken out of her beliefs?

Please take a look at the new member checklist and send in your account within 24 hours!

OUT OF CHARACTER:

NAME & PRONOUNS: Gabe & she/her/hers

AGE: 24 (soon 25 hehe)

TIMEZONE: GMT-3

ACTIVITY LEVEL: I have kept up activity even in the chaos of uni finals, so I'd say I'm at a pretty good level! ahaha I should also have a little more time now in july since it's a full break, so I would say I'm doing well. Disclaimer that this weekend I'll have a wedding (and Stranger Things, it's tradition to watch with my sister), so I will probably be really scarce, but I will be lurking and plotting so I think it'll work out just fine!

ANYTHING ELSE: hehe nope

CHARACTER DETAILS:

NAME: Andromeda Tonks (née Black)

AGE: 29

GENDER, PRONOUNS, and SEXUALITY: Cis woman, bisexual. This is no mystery and there is no story to be told, Andromeda has always been pretty sure of herself.

BLOOD STATUS: Pureblood

HOUSE ALUMNI: Slytherin

ANY CHANGES: I feel like a dumbass but after agonizing about alternate FCs for a lifetime, I actually felt pretty sold on Anne Hathaway again, so I request no changes! LMAO (at one point I was SO sure of another face, so I'm scared of changing my mind again, I'll let you know if I change it before acceptances, but I THINK we're good now ahahsajh)

CHARACTER BACKGROUND:

PERSONALITY:

Andromeda was not born to be told what to do. Plain and simple, as if the stars themselves had sprinkled a little too much self-righteousness when they made her, she'd come out of the womb kicking and screaming, and she wouldn't stop. Three full days – that was how long it took for her to stop wailing out her sorrows when they brought her home as a newborn. She almost drove little Bella insane. The irony.

The Black sisters were not raised to keep their heads down. They were fed on golden spoons this belief that they were better than everyone, that their name meant something grandiose, that they were never to be made to feel lesser than certain people – lesser than any wizard, lesser than any half-bloods, lesser than any muddily-blooded creature out there. These ideals were no small task for a child to internalize, and while Andromeda saw no way around it as a kid, the sticky-sweet speech eventually turned sour.

She was no longer being fed grandiosity from a spoon, she was having her mouth pried open and poison dripped down her throat. Yes, she was better than everyone – why did that mean she couldn't mingle with the people she chose? Yes, she was better than everyone – why did that mean she had to sit pretty and listen to everything her parents had to say? Wasn't she a Black, wasn't she the ruler of everything her eyes laid upon, wasn't she supposed to have her cake and eat it, too? It was a double-edged sword, a paradox to haunt every other pureblooded family out there. Her lineage had created its own traitor.

People will talk. It's easier to make her into the poster child of what could happen if one chooses to stray from their family's beliefs, which she considers to be hilarious. Ah, yes, the horrors of going against her family's bigotry: just look at her now, happily married to the love of her life and with a healthy, lovely child! It's easier to pretend she's some crazy blood traitor, as opposed to being the very thing her parents raised her to be.

Of course her downfall would be Hogwarts. Away from her parents' clutches, she could hold her nose up high all she wanted, but that would hardly last long. She'd sit pretty with her classmates in the common room, she'd trail after Bella like a lost puppy all of her first year, but she'd always been too defiant to spend all of her teenage years like that. In a way, her parents always knew, she thinks. They'd always had an inkling – or at least that's how she remembers them now, always giving her a harder time, always trying to tie her down a lot more often than her sisters.

It started when she'd argue with her classmates. Armed with a tongue sharp as a dagger, Andromeda found immeasurable joy in arguing just for the sake of it. There was something much too pleasurable in watching the chubby cheeks of her housemates fill up with blood, their voices raising, high-pitched and out of control, while she remained an icy statue with the same smirk plastered on her lips. She wasn't one to pick fights, no, she had no desire to throw out hexes and get herself expelled, by any means. But she picked enough stupid arguments until she was dodging hexes, that she did.

It was enough to bother the status quo, the one Slytherin who made everyone else's life so unnerving in school. She was just a dumb teenager then, high on the power that she felt by making people angry, feeling so much better than everyone by not participating in the boring circle-jerk her housemates seemed to be on.

Quickly enough, that led to befriending people from other houses. Already enough of a tragedy, to the Blacks. She remembers Bella bursting through the door into their manor on winter break one year, loudly announcing to the entire house, after they'd just had a fight: mother, Dromeda has made friends with a nasty Gryffindor!

Still, she kept pushing. She kept being curious. Her parents warned her of the consequences, threatened her with everything under the sun – but wasn't she better than them, too? Wasn't she good enough to make her own decisions, should she not keep her head high, and not bow down to anyone? Sure, she still cared what they thought, but that was a distant feeling, one she would not feel the true weight of until she was burned off the family tree.

And then she met Ted. The boy who charmed her immediately, the one who managed to break down every single barrier she may have kept up, the one who so easily tipped the crown off her head and made her into a puddle of something gooey. It wasn't love at first sight, it could never be with Andromeda, so far up her own arse as she was back then. But it was something else, something better. She fell in love with him by complete accident, she never knew how far off the deep end she'd gone until it was too late to turn back.

She stands by saying it's the best decision she's ever made, unconsciously or not. But it wasn't easy. The girl who prided herself in being so self-sufficient, the one who constantly found new ways to defy her parents, suddenly found herself lost. What was she, if she was no longer a Black? Perhaps only then, she found that she loved them – her parents, her sisters. Sure, she had found out about a whole other side of the wix world, Ted's side, and there was no turning back on finding out that her family was filled with people with horrible views (always this, always people with horrible views, not horrible people). But she loved them. She had spent her entire life with them, they were everything she knew, everything she'd been made out to be.

It was an easy decision to choose Ted, but it wasn't as easy to see her family shut her out. To the girl who'd been taught she could take a bite out of the world any time she wanted it, she wanted to have it all. Ted and her family.

Dealing with the guilt was something that came naturally, with time. She found herself in safety with her husband, with their daughter, but the war raging on caught up to them, as it would catch up to everyone eventually. She was doing what she never ought to do, she was keeping her head down. She was made into a ghost story, the girl who'd been disowned, and she'd been shoved into a bubble of false security that couldn't last for long. She needed to do something.

Andromeda is lonely. In the same way she knows she can never understand the struggles Ted goes through as a muggleborn, he can't understand hers as a pureblood. He will never understand why she can't so easily walk away from the throne that she'd sat on for most of her life – and it's something she doesn't share with him. She knows it would be difficult to talk about how she still misses them, how hard it is for her, when they are the ones helping a system that makes his life so much more difficult. It simply isn't fair, on all sides. She still remembers the look on her sisters' eyes when she walked out of the door for the last time. It still comes back to haunt her dreams.

This is her now, a ghost, a transparent thing with so much to say and no one she can share it with. Maybe this is why she throws herself into war so willingly, this is why she leaves behind a life of perfecting house chores spells and chooses to fight. She can regain some control this way, she can feel herself the same powerful woman she'd once been, picking arguments and crushing the world in the palm of her hand – but the age old question, the doubt that keeps her awake at night and chews at her brain: can she still do that, without the Black household watching her back?

BRIEF OVERVIEW OF FAMILY:

She loved them.

She loves them.

That is all she wrote, this is the beginning and the end of the story. She can't walk away from them, not even after erasing the Black name from her records to replace it with her loved one's – with a pang of hurt, with pride all-encompassing to push down the pain. She loved Ted, she loved starting a family with him, being a Tonks. But it didn't mean she was ready to give up on the people who made her.

This is the secret Andromeda keeps in a tiny room on the back of her heart: growing up in her home was good.

She was the middle sister of two others, and they had once been kindred spirits. This was the safety net she'd always had. Sure, her parents weren't strangers to neglect, and the strict set of rules they'd put in place could feel extremely grating after so many years. There was a right and wrong for everything – a right way to sit at the table, a right way to dress, a right way to speak. There were screaming matches every so often and the house was never too quiet.

But that was the beauty of it, too. The house was never too quiet – it was always filled with life, even if it meant anger, even if it meant fighting, this was the chaos she'd grown up in and the atmosphere she'd thrived in. The walls were filled with other sounds, too – whispers under blankets when the sisters would gossip far past their curfew, muffling giggles into the pillow to not alarm their tattling house-elf.

Andromeda was the middle sister. She'd grown up looking up to Bellatrix, and feeling a sense of responsibility over Narcissa, and if you ask her, that was the perfect place to be. And no matter what the stories may tell you nowadays, they were close. Up until the very day Andromeda had to walk out of the manor, they loved each other. She still loves them. The dozen scribbled out, unsent letters in the locked drawer of her desk could tell you that.

It is a difficult thing, to be caught up in a war against her kin, when she still finds it hard to let go of them completely. She was raised in their world, built up to think she was much greater than any muggleborn could ever be. It hadn't been difficult to burst that bubble, once she found herself under the bucket of cold water that the boy she'd set her eyes on was, in fact, a muggleborn.

But bursting out of one's bubble doesn't mean completely erasing the way one was raised. Andromeda had been fed all of these beliefs for all of the formative years of her life, they were ingrained into the way her mind thought.

She still finds herself tripping over herself. She'd never dare utter the muddy word used against muggleborns – but it doesn't mean she gets what the big deal is. And she holds them as equal, she believes they are no lesser than – but only because of Ted. Because she loves him so dearly, of course her views have changed, wholeheartedly. But this means that her bias lies in imagining Ted into the shoes of every other muggleborn or half-blood that she listens to.

OCCUPATION:

Andromeda works at the Ministry of Magic, in the Invisibility Task Force division. Working on the same level as her husband was (usually) a pretty good treat. The job had come to her as most things came to a Black – handed over on a shiny silver platter. She lost the name when she married, still so young and fresh out of school, but her blood never changed; at least not in the eyes of the Ministry.

In their opinion, it would do well, it would look good, to have such a well-known pureblood working on the department in the level of magical accidents and catastrophes. And working alongside so many muggleborns! Look at how politically neutral the Ministry is! Their attempt at saving face was performative – Andromeda knew why she'd been called. A former Black, even after marriage with a muggleborn, they expected her to hold the same old ideals her family had brought her up with. She painted the perfect image for them: a pureblood who looked good on paper, and behind the curtains, was still working for the same oppressive agenda they secretly wanted to keep.

She took the job out of spite, knowing this. She decided she could be one good egg in the system, at least, instead of giving up her chair to someone with much harsher ideas on how to conceal things from the muggle world. It turns out, she found herself pretty in love with the job, all these years later.

LIVING SITUATION:

Andromeda lives with Ted and their daughter, Nymphadora, in a small house away from the wildest hustle of the city. Small may be an overstatement, but it certainly isn't the manor Andromeda was used to growing up. The place still has a fair amount of space, more than enough room for little Dora to run around in, Andromeda made sure of it. She'd always wanted a garden and a big open area, as much space as they could get – she didn't fancy being confined to a flat, or squeezed into a spot in the middle of the busiest streets; that was no place to raise a child, after all.

ORDER OF THE PHOENIX:

The Order has brought her back.

For the first time in forever, sitting into her first official meeting, her legs crossed and one heel rhythmically tapping onto the floor, she felt alive.

She'd felt alive a lot of her life, of course, it wouldn't be any different. Andromeda wasn't built to ever be bored, she'd rather pull her teeth out and lose her wand than let boredom consume her routine. Raising Dora had been a wonderful moment of her life, she soaked up every minute she could with her daughter, she felt incredibly fulfilled being a mother.

And then Dora goes to school. The house is empty, quiet, in the way Andromeda has never known how to deal with.

Joining the Order had been a fun slippery slope. She won't admit it to herself, but she was high on the power again, suddenly feeling like a teenager – the world at her fingertips, her tongue a dagger. She had let herself take on the role of a present mother for eleven years, and it had been wonderful, and it had been necessary. But now, she couldn't keep her head down any longer. She had to do something.

It is another secret she will not share: fighting in this war makes everything seem worth it. Sitting at home and hiding from battle makes everything seem like it was in vain – as if losing her family, being disowned, it was all in vain. She wants to make it count. She wants to sink her teeth into the world and go down swinging, because if she's already suffering from the effects of it, if this is already such a weight in their lives, then she might as well throw the first punch.

She worries about what tying her name to an organization like this means to her when it comes to her sisters. Bella and Cissy are clearly not on the same side of the fight and Andromeda finds herself wary to reveal her allegiance. In a perfect world, maybe she could use this as leverage, beg her sisters for a truce – no one makes a move and everyone comes out clean. In reality, she knows she has nothing to offer for a deal like that.

If she meets with one of her sisters out on the field, she'll choke. She hasn't told any of her Order buddies this, but she curses the day she'll have to see one of them standing on the opposing line. She's not above hurting them, sure – the several instances of hair-pulling and kicking from their childhood couldn't be ignored –, but she knows she's unable to meet them with the same wrath she'll face anyone else. Andromeda is well aware she is capable of killing someone for their cause, for their safety, for what she believes in. Just not her sisters.

Apart from this, within the group, she offers her expertise from years in the Invisibility Task Force to anything the Order might need from her.

RELATIONSHIPS:

TED TONKS: Andromeda is much too stubborn to let the love of her life slip away from between her fingers – she won't even admit to herself that it feels like that, sometimes. He's been giving her the cold shoulder, growing distant, but she knows they'll figure it out. She'll make up for that distance herself every time, she will strip away her pride and chase after him all he needs, because she's not letting him go. She loves him to death. It was easy to choose him when they were only eighteen, and it's easy to choose him now, still, every day after that. She's so certain of their love that she won't even let this rocky moment in their marriage worry her – but sure, it does worry her, it gnaws at the back of her head, threatening to build doubts.

They had been stupid and young when they chose each other, and her family made everything in their power to make her see that. But it'd been the right choice, Andromeda knew then and she knows now. She loves him, she loves him until her bones hurt, she loves him until it's a menace sitting in her chest, and it's the only way she knows how to love.

SIRIUS BLACK: The favorite cousin, the closest connection she still has to the family that shut the door on her over a decade ago. She always thought Sirius would be the person who understood her, the one she could fully open her heart to, the one who could listen to the pain she carried after all these years. But he wasn't. Sirius is different, he hates them – in a way she never could. In the end, they are built on the same brick foundation, and they have formed a good friendship over these years, but she can't be fully herself with him. She can't tell him about how she still loves them, still yearns for contact with her sisters, still misses the chaotic family dinners every Thursday. It'd be unfair to unload this on the boy who'd walked out on his family for much more different reasons than she did. So instead, she tries to be a steadfast presence in his life, someone he can count on, in the hopes that he, at least, doesn't feel so alone.

GWENOG JONES: Surprises come in all shapes and sizes, and Gwenog is no different. Andromeda never expected the witch to have so much fire in her, but upon every conversation, Andromeda found that she saw more and more of herself on the other. It helps that she loves Quidditch, too. She's simply fascinated by Gwenog's presence in the Order.

GWENDOLYN LOCKHART: A muggle. A full on muggle is brought into the Order. Sure, a muggle with a lot of knowledge on the wix world, but what exactly is the point? What's next, are they going to start recruiting in the streets of muggle London, picking up any kind-faced person out there to join a war? It simply makes no sense to Andromeda – it's a hazard for all of them, Gwendolyn especially, if she can't even protect herself properly in the case of an attack. It seems wildly inappropriate, that's all.

DILARA YAXLEY: The one who can understand, for the most part. Dilara might be everything Andromeda hoped for, a friend who can actually listen to her without judgment, knowing how it feels – and yet. She finds herself staying quiet a lot of the time. It turns out Andromeda has spent so many years hiding all these feelings about her family, being disowned, everything that happened, that she has started to see them as her own dirty little secrets. She doesn't think she can ever let them out anymore, maybe not entirely. They're hers to keep, and her to deal with.

OOC EXPLORATION:

SHIPS/ANTI-SHIPS:

I am a big shipper of Ted/Andromeda, to be honest, but I am also very open to wherever the rp takes it! In war, things can get pretty messy, and I don't mind exploring something else if it comes to it. Obviously anti-ships include Andromeda and anyone in the Black family, but other than that, I'd say it's all good.

INTERPERSONAL STRUGGLES:

Sometimes, she feels like the sore thumb sticking out.

She's not the only pureblood in the Order, not even the only Black one in there, but maybe because she knows what's in her heart, she feels herself standing out. She knows she's in her own type of section. She's better at recognizing her own biases than someone like Alice Longbottom, but on the other hand, she still wishes her pureblooded family well. It's a weird standpoint to have – she's in this fight to win it, but she hopes it leads to her having more of everything, not less.

She's not ready for the loss that comes with it. In her utopic world, and it's the sort of dream she hangs onto, they can finish this once and for all, and her family gets to see how much better this side is.

But on the outside, at least, Andromeda is just like the rest of them. She doesn't bring her inner struggles up to anyone, so they can continue thinking she's just the same old ghost who carries a vengeance towards her evil pureblood family. This makes her a friendly face around, she thinks, although she's pretty sure some people still feel too afraid to come up and talk to her – that makes her oddly proud; she's still got it.

When it comes to meetings and planning, she's not letting her opinion go unheard. She's a menace well-known by anyone who organizes a mission, a manicured hand shooting up in the air before they finish their first sentence discussing their ideas. They will listen to her, and they will see her, even if she has to raise her voice for it.

WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO?

I am looking forward to having a much different character than Remus! So many more angles to explore with Andromeda, very different outlooks on life, different struggles… I love her bio, and have loved it since it first came out ahah so I'm excited. This would be my first time writing her, and I think I'll have a lot of fun!

PLOT DROP IDEAS (OPTIONAL):

I'm very open to anything, of course! I think there's a lot of possibilities with Andromeda's ties to her sisters still – do they know she's in the Order already? Don't they? How long until they find out, how long of Andromeda sort of hiding this somehow, if she even can? And what sort of consequences will come from everyone finding out about each other? Besides this, I'd also love to have her help with something very specific to her job, I'm sure it must be useful to have someone that works with her area of expertise.

ANYTHING ELSE? Nope! Thank you for reading!

#recreancyaccepted #andromeda tonks app

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obeiii-mee · 3 years

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Heyo, this is my first time asking (im kinda new to tumblr, so please dont judge) if you would'nt mind, could you do some headcannons (or oneshots, it dosen't matter) with all the demon bros and a MC who is crippled/paralized in their legs, and has to use a wheelchair to get around? Thank you!!

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This is the first time I’ve written about a crippled MC, so I hope I didn’t fuck this up or anything. I found out that being paralysed in both legs is a disability called Paraplegia so that’s how I titled this post. And y’all are too sweet, you are more than welcome anon! I hope I can portray this properly because I am not crippled myself so I’ve opted to do some research before writing this! I hope you like it! Also, I feel inclined to add that none of the brothers would treat you too differently if you happen to have a disability because you’re their human nonetheless :)

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The Brothers with an MC that has Paraplegia and needs a wheelchair to get around:

Lucifer:

-Lucifer was in charge of choosing the final human, exchange student for the program so it’s guaranteed he already knew about your predicament before you even arrived

-Him and Diavolo probably had many meetings concerning your disability before the program could commence, considering that being unable to walk would double the chances of you getting killed since you are obviously more vulnerable

-Not to mention all the treatment you would require

-Lucifer is not well versed in human illnesses and disorders, but he makes sure that he is educated enough on the matter before you get brought down there

-It would not be easy, but he is determined to help you survive your year in DevilDom for the prince’s sake

-First problem of the day was, of course, your wheelchair

-Due to lack of time, Lucifer was unable to instal ramps around the House of Lamentation which meant that for the first couple of weeks, someone would’ve had to help you move around certain parts of the house

-He gave that highly prestigious job to himself because he didn’t trust his brothers and thought they would accidentally drop you and your wheelchair down the stairs

-He talks a lot to you, even at the beginning, because he needs to establish your needs and what he should do to make sure you don’t die for the following year

-You would have to tell him about physical therapy and how most commonly it uses heat, massage and exercise to stimulate your nerves and muscles, making it a great treatment for people with leg paralysis

-Once you two enter a more intimate and personal relationship, it’s more than likely he’ll help you perform those things himself (instead of kidnapping a human doctor from somewhere)

-Lucifer knows you have no problem getting around with your wheelchair by yourself but there are times where he’ll insist to push you along in order to give you a quick break

-I can totally imagine you two strolling around DevilDom and having cosy chats about RAD and your adjustments to DevilDom

-He has a softer side to him that he’s afraid to show most of the time, but he feels so at ease when you’re around, it’s hard for him to hold that part of him hidden from you

-Of course, your safety still remains his primary concern and he acts more like your guardian than Mammon does, even if he was originally supposed to look out for you

-He will accompany you almost anywhere. And if he can’t, he’ll have one or more of his brothers do it. And even then he’s probably lurking nearby, just in case

-He would always be willing to listen about your condition, if you wished to tell him whether you were born with the defect or why you ended up crippled later in life. Either way, he’s all ears

-If you would rather not speak about it, he wouldn’t pry and respect your decision because he knows it’s not his place to pressure you

-Because of your paralysis, it’s quite obvious to demons that you are even weaker (physically speaking) than most humans and that usually puts a target on your back

-Howver, never fear, because Lucifer is pretty quick to put lower rank demons in their place with just a mere stare

-Oop one of them passed out from the fear, haha

-In conclusion, he’s the most responsible when it comes your comfort and safety during your stay

-He makes sure you are always left in good hands and and provides most of the requirements you need

-Y’all should see how his wings puff up when he senses a threat approaching you, he looks like a peacock ready to go on attack lol

Mammon:

-The second born is unsurprisingly a bit of a jerk at first

-He stays really grumpy the whole day of your arrival because he’s stuck babysitting you stupid human

-“Lucifer c’mon, what’s all this workload for? The human can’t even walk by themselves, why do I have to help them out?”

-Wtf Mammon you can’t say shit like that

-Anyways, the following very few days, the only thing he’s thinking about is how much money he could sell your wheelchair for

-He’s the literal incarnation of greed, what else did you expect from him?

-After a while, he starts feeling a bit guilty every time he thinks about it though

-Mammon is gonna take this secret to the grave (laughs in immortal) but he actually really likes pushing you around

-Maybe it’s because it’s a clear indication to everyone around him that you are HIS human, under HIS protection and therefore you trust HIM the most since he was your FIRST MAN

-He will insist on helping you get out of that thing when you need to go to bed and stuff every night and he will get pouty real fast if you let any of his other brothers do it

-You wake up to him trying to roll around in your wheelchair one night at like 3am

-At some point, he stole a wheelchair from the human realm to match with his human. You can guess the consequences of his actions

-I can imagine you having to face a staircase or something at school and Mammon being like:

-“Fuck it, imma carry this fragile human instead; wheelchair and all!”

-Like you were a sack of potatoes or something smh

-Cue his brothers watching him from a distance as he heaves you and basically weight-lifts you up the stairs

-Ok but every now and again, he gets so sad thinking about you not being able to walk, like he starts crying kinda sad

-While you stand there like 😐 “Why are you crying?”

-He’s so quick to help if he senses you’re in danger too

-It’s canon that Mammon is crazy fast if he wants to be so if he has even the slightest impression that your life is threatened, his feet are already moving

-He will charge at your immediate threat at around 120 miles per hour-do not try him when he’s mad

-“The Great Mammon saved the day! C’mon MC, let’s go buy some ice cream. My treat! Ya better be grateful!”

-He says while the demon that tried to eat you lies on the floor with about a dozen broken bones

-Mammon is the second most powerful demon out of all of his brothers, even if he doesn’t resort to violence often

Levi:

-He didn’t really know how to react when you first teleported to DevilDom

-I mean, from the very beginning he considered you to be a human normie but at the same time, he felt bad you were stuck with his brothers for the rest of the year

-I think he would understand you would have an even harder time integrating yourself in their house because of your disability and he knows his siblings are really fucking annoying, always pushing you around and whatnot

-So, he kinda lets you hide in his room quite often

-You guys chill out in there all the time, much to the dismay of the other brothers who also want to spend time with you

-At some point, Levi definitely begged asked Lucifer to let you start online classes with him

-“But wouldn’t it be easier for MC to do online school from home rather than go to R.A.D since there aren’t any ramps or anything around there???”

-“The answer is no Leviathan.”

-“Ugh fine! What a fucking boomer-“

-For some reason, he gets so flustered whenever you ask him to push you around

-He blushes right to the tips of his ears and then he starts sputtering some nonsense that you can’t make out at all

-But he’s more than happy to do it, especially if you guys are going to a convention or if he’s dragging you out to buy new merch

-You two would get along in the sense that Levi realises the struggles you faced all your life were tough to overcome and he believes you are just like him

-Usually left out by other people, ignored even

-He knows you always listen to him ramble on about whatever he is currently obsessed with and how much you check up on him to make sure he never isolated himself

-He wants to do that for you too! Talk to him about your hobbies, please I’m begging you-he feels so bad whenever he’s doing all the talking

-If you ask him to help you with anything (getting something, helping you into bed—that sort of thing), he legally and physically can’t say ‘no’

-And he would get envious enough to stop talking to you for a day or two if you let his brothers do it instead (the second and third born are indeed similar lmao)

-S T A Y I N H I S R O O M, W H E R E Y O U C A N B E P R O T E C T E D !

-He will feel so much more at ease if you’re in his room because to him, that’s his haven

-If you’re in there with him, that means you’re not getting involved in his siblings’ endless and dangerous shenanigans

-Whenever you’re at school, he can’t help but worry about your well-being

-Because you’re human! You’re gonna get killed!! Do you know how much your organs sell on the black market in DevilDom??? 100x more than in the human realm, that’s for sure

-Would they have a black market or would it be a regular market lol

-For some reason, he also likes staying in your wheelchair when you’re not using it

-I think he just takes comfort in knowing it’s something that belongs to you and smells like you and-

-OK Levi, sit back down

-He wouldn’t treat you any differently if you had a disability tbh, but he’d be more concerned because you can’t even run away or anything

-So he’s so fuckin’ relieved when you guys are just vibing in his room

-He could die happy knowing he kept his best friend/ partner safe

Satan:

-Satan would be even more prepared for your arrival than Lucifer would, in a sense

-Out of all of his brothers, he’s most likely to understand and recognise paraplegia (either from studying human illnesses/birth defects/disabilities or from encountering humans with said disability)

-He’s a smart boy, alright?

-Always seems to be the first to notice if you need help or if someone’s bothering you

-Though in the very beginning, he was pretty tempted to just let you get killed to see how angry Lucifer could get

-Seeing dear Luci’s misery brings him great joy 🥰🥰🥰

-Once you two manage to build a very honest and strong relationship, he feels more and more inclined to keep you out of harm’s way

-Pls, he would feel so honoured if you let him push you around (it’s like you asked him to h*ld h*nds or something)

-If you require treatment of any kind, he would be so happy to help

-But in a subtle way...?

-Satan makes it seem so smooth too like he doesn’t mind lending a helping hand when in reality he’s all giddy inside

-*Kinda wants to rub it in his brothers’ faces but at the same no, because he’s definitely the bigger person here

-He wants to know how your wheelchair works

-It’s got all of these neat mechanisms and he wants to learn how they’re constructed because he never had the chance to inspect one before

-He’s such a sweetheart about asking you as well and never pries about your disability unless you start elaborating yourself

-Most of the time, he acts all charming and very gentleman-like

-So people have a hard time spotting and acknowledging the building rage inside of him every time he sees you are threatened by some moronic low rank demon

-Satan’s usually chill when it comes to injuries, unless he can see you’re in horrible pain

-There’s nothing a few spells can’t accomplish

-But when others purposefully try harming you?

-It’s like he loses all the self control he’s been trying to perfect over the centuries and he can’t help himself from at least breaking someone’s rib cage

-Satan’s a weird one because he’s protective of you even though he’s more on the relaxed side when compared to his siblings

-He very much acknowledges that you made it this far in life with your predicament so he doesn’t feel the need to baby you or anything

-You’re strong and he knows this

-It’s one of the many things he clearly loves about you

-That one time you rolled over Mammon’s foot with your wheelchair on purpose, he was wheezing

Asmo:

-Even now, he can’t help but wonder what it would be like to be stuck inside a wheelchair for the rest of his eternal life

-I mean, he’d obviously still be absolutely fabulous, have you seen him? He’s gonna be gorgeous either way

-But after the two of you meet, he definitely starts thinking about how he takes his feet for granted all the time

-It would be so difficult to complete his daily tasks without the ability to walk or run around

-That’s why he gets sad every time he remembers that’s your reality and on days like that, you’ve noticed he gives you a helluva lot more attention than usual

-He knows you don’t need pity or anything so he’s just making sure his human has all the support they can get

-Paraplegia or not, shopping trips are still a go-go

-He loves buying you clothes! And he loves helping you try them on! Asmo takes it very seriously

-Might have a go at the employees if they’re being rude to you

-You don’t even ask him to, but he subconsciously starts pushing you around himself whenever the two of you are out together

-“MC! Look at that new shop that’s just opened! Isn’t it adorable? We have to check it out!”

-He can’t help it! There’s so many places he wants to visit, he sort of just drags you with him wherever he goes

-Even at home, he always pops out of nowhere to coax you into coming to his room

-Y’all have so many skin routines to do each day

-Like he’s in your room most nights to greet you goodnight and tuck you in, with the rest of his brothers it gets so awkward at times

-Asmo just wants to see you smile, ok? He thinks you have a beautiful smile and laugh and he wants to remind you that you’re marvellous, disability or not

-And if anyone does anything to put an end to your self confidence, he will swiftly put an end to their life

-Please, he’s a pro at ruining lives, he’s been doing it for centuries

-Asmo has such a huge influence over the people in DevilDom, he just needs to make this one post on Devilgram to end said demon’s whole career

-I mean, who is he compared to him, Hmm? So don’t worry MC, scum like that don’t even deserve to breathe the same air as you :)

-That one time Mammon tried lifting you up the stairs and Asmo started shrieking, like put them down! Don’t manhandle them like that, poor human :(

Beel:

-I know I sound repetitive, but he would be an overall sweetheart to you no matter the circumstances

-If Mammon is not by your side, then Beel definitely is

-His big, scary aura and figure usually scares off any threat in a 10 mile radius

-Most demons don’t fancy being eaten by the Avatar of Gluttony, ya know?

-Idk why but I feel like he’d be the type to ask for oral consent every time he wanted to push you around

-He doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable :(

-Surprisingly also the type to lift you and your wheelchair whenever an obstacle gets in your way

-You basically weigh the same amount as a paper plate compared to him, so he has no problem doing so

-He doesn’t really understand your condition as well as Satan may do, but he’s trying his best

-You mean so much to him and he feels it’s only fair he learns more about your disability as a thank you for what you’ve done for him

-He has a rough time keeping up with you when it comes to stuff like physical therapy because he’s very unfamiliar with it but that doesn’t mean he’s not gonna help

-Of course, Beel believes that this is the second best way to show you how much he cares for you besides the obvious ‘I love you’

-Giving you a hand whenever you need his support the most

-That’s his way of saying “I’m not going to let you down. I want you to trust me, the same way I trust you.”

-And knowing him, he will try to do everything in his power to keep you safe and sound

-After a while, you’re bound to notice he’s the first one to pull you out of his brothers’ pranks before you have a chance to get hurt

-Beel is always the one handing you stuff from high places you can’t reach, without teasing you for it like Mammon might do

-Always the first one to remind you to get plenty of rest and to eat enough

-He wants to protect you and his brothers because he knows he failed to do so with Lilith so yeah, he’s a bit overprotective at times

-He doesn’t mean to be overbearing, but he gets so anxious knowing you’re by yourself

-After a few months of getting accommodated with him, your disability is no longer brought up in the conversation

-Because he doesn’t care that you are crippled and forced to use a wheelchair

-You are part of his family and he loves you no matter what

Belphie:

-He didn’t really care, even when you first met and his hatred for humans was at its very peak

-It didn’t matter that you had a disability

-All that mattered to him at the time was killing you to satisfy that deeply rooted need of vengeance inside of him

-Though he was sort of surprised his brothers didn’t get to you first

-In general, he’s pretty chill about you being crippled in both legs

-It takes too much effort to worry about your well-being 24/7 after all

-Surprisingly, he does keep an eye out for you if his siblings aren’t nearby

-It’s his redemption arc people, he’s trying to be nicer

-But he has such an irritating way of showing his affection for you

-Do not let him push you around

-He’s either going to a) fall asleep after 30 seconds and slump over you in the middle of RAD’s halls

-Or b) be annoying and fling your wheelchair in every direction possible just to piss you off

-He likes messing with you because you give him the best reactions and he thrives on that

-You’ve almost fallen off your wheelchair multiple times because of this asshole

-Not that he’d actually let you fall, he just wants to see how easily he can get you to yell at him

-Speaking of said wheelchair, like Mammon and Levi, he also loves using it when you’re not

-You’ve woken up to him curled up and asleep in that thing quiet often and he’s gotten in trouble over it every time with Lucifer

-But he doesn’t care

-And at this point, I don’t think even he knows whether he’s doing it to get a reaction out of you or because he somehow found a way to make himself comfortable there

-He would low key use you as a mode of transportation every time you go to RAD

-Just clings the damn wheelchair and almost topples both of you over

-“Belphie, there’s nothing stopping you from walking 😐”

-“Shh, just bring me to class and let me nap until then.”

-He doesn’t mention your legs but he still lays his head on your lap often

-Might make you hold him like a bride every time you stroll around the house

-It’s done out of love, I promise 😌😌

———————————

Al~

#obey me #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me imagines #obey me leviathan #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me satan #om #obey me headcanons #obey me hcs #paraplegia #⭐️ requests #🕯 general #☂️ demon brothers

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incorrect-ikevamp-quotes · 3 years

Note

Hi! Just wanted to know what you think Charles' route will be alll about, and how would the Ikevamp lore continue from there? Do you think we'll get an Act 3 or more suitors? I absolutely love reading your interesting insights and hearty theories! They're food for my simping soul ♡(> ਊ <)♡ please forgive my fangirling..

Hihi!!! You’re much too sweet, thank you!!! 💛💛💛 you’re always free to simp and fangirl here, haha~

I'm happy to answer as best I can, though honestly I'm not 100% sure given the main story routes all range--both in terms of topic and larger narrative impact. My guess is that it will likely be about Charles' history as somebody who took part in the French revolution, namely his role as an executioner. In line with that, I would address two lines; one from Mozart, one from Dazai.

Mozart in relation to Charles says "I remember that name..." and Dazai says that "He is a young man with many secrets." I think they both speak to a larger consideration with Charles, which is that he is both a famous historical figure but also one that trails so much blood behind him? This is a man who killed people for a living (and in droves), despite being a medical doctor. There is going to be an inevitable mental dissonance that comes with that dichotomy. His life aspiration was to help and heal people, and instead he was called to murder them indiscriminately (and often for reasons that were openly unjust). Much of his energy and disposition feels like a kind of mask; it's intended to disguise what's truly lurking beneath the surface. When people are convinced they're unsightly or monstrous, they can very often overcompensate with buoyant behavior and positivity. Dazai’s main story really felt like it was hammering this concept home, considering Charles’ insistent cheer directed at MC (yet showing Dazai and Faust a great deal of darkness.)

Interesting too, now that I think about it, because there is a kind of foil mechanism that comes with making Charles the antagonist of Dazai’s route. I didn’t realize it until now, but they both hide their secrets--and the true nature of some of their uglier feelings--with a kind of forcible levity. The difference here lies in the state of their baseline energy, the form by which it is expressed. Dazai is one to joke around and make light of (often serious) things, but he does it to a point of absurdity and mild outrage. He has a kind of desire to be chased out the way I understand him (because being chased out means he can leave and avoid the pressure of being real). If he’s not seeking to be chased out, he wants the person to smile/laugh at his blunders. He’s a mood-maker just as his description entails, and as such his goal is always the regulate/influence the emotional tone of a group in a positive way.

Charles, by contrast, avoids transparency by bouncing around and pretending like nothing really gets to him. He’s forthright and bold, but his desire to have fun belies the reality of who he is and who his master is. The impatience, the burning envy that dwells within remains to be seen--and only makes an appearance in flashes. It begs the question as to what it is he’s trying to avoid moving at that speed, as his increasing velocity means a lowered scrutiny and self-awareness (one that limits him just as much as it enables him to keep going). Furthermore, he has some notion of regulating the mood of the group in that he’s often the one who lowers tension between Vlad and Faust with his upbeat attitude. However, I would argue that it isn’t nearly as powerful as Dazai’s fixation with it; when Charles is upset or wants something, he will not hesitate to put his personal needs first (or demand them, even). Dazai does not seem to have this same audacity generally.

There's also the question of what Charles is hiding, other than the obvious historical information we have. I get the feeling something is lurking behind his desperation to believe in the future Vlad wants to create. Maybe it's some desperate wish to atone for what he's done. Maybe he raised that guillotine under some kind of misguided belief that he was restoring the world to order. We believe outlandish things to survive sometimes, and I wouldn't be surprised if that were the case for Charles. I’d like to see just what it is that makes him tick.

That being said, that doesn't always free us from the truth of what we've done. Sooner or later we're forced to confront and come to terms with it. Dazai's main story (for a short time) forced him to face that gaping maw of trauma, and it was very clear he was not in the slightest bit prepared or able to cope. So there is the question of--if MC confronts him with that--what he will do in response.

I also wouldn't be surprised if he's among the bolder suitors, seeking her affection and body with more insistence than the boys of the mansion. It remains to be seen, but given the impression I've received from him and the rest of the trio...(a note of caution to people uncomfy with that).

I'm interested to see where Charles will go, in that I'm not really sure if he'll skew to the yandere side or the lowkey wants to help people side. He has every potential to become increasingly demanding of MC’s time and attention, trying to monopolize her as much as possible. Burying himself further in denial, never questioning his master. But he also has a kind of hearty maturity at his core that might result from his life experiences, where he acknowledges what he's done and just tries to do the best he can moving forward.

If the latter happens, there is the very real question of what happens with his relationship with Vlad--which is part of the reason I have my doubts about this possibility. In the infamous (and paraphrased) words of Mulaney(? I think it was) "if this is gonna happen Vlad is gonna need to become suddenly cool with a lot of things very fast" LMAO. I don't really see Vlad ceding his control over Charles' mind easily, and I don't see him satisfied with a future of Charles' autonomy. But then, who knows? I may very well be proven wrong

I'm also curious about Charles’ pronounced interest in Comte, this kind of hope for reconciliation. There's a very real chance that could be a focal point, in that Charles wants there to be mingling between the two houses. There are also a lot of problems with this sort of theory in that it would likely require A LOT of development/time to bridge that gap if it was ever bridged, and I don't think Comte would accept anything less than Vlad agreeing to cease and desist his assault on humanity. This potentiality might be more probable for an Act 3 story progression, now that I think about it.

As for Act 3, I'm really not sure who will or won't get one. The only storyline that has been left openly/grossly unfinished is Comte's to my knowledge, largely because of the agreement they made? In all the other routes, there isn't much of a whisper about her turning into a vampire. (Vlad turns her at the end of his route I’ve heard, and as for Faust I don’t know--but I haven’t seen any signs that he would demand it of her so far.) Comte hesitates--but he has every intention of doing it when they feel the time is right. So there's the question of when or how that will happen. In a bday story? In an event story? Act 3? Dunno

I also wonder about how pureblood society and vampire hunters might come into play, but given they exist on the periphery of the game I don’t know if it’s as safe a bet as Comte vs. Vlad continuing their ideological battle.

As for the suitors in general, there is always the potential of antagonist intervention in Act 3? Maybe they heckle their happy ending or throw the relationship into some kind of turmoil, though I'm not sure exactly how that will work since most of the routes end on a pretty resolved note? There's also the reality of all the rivals being murdered in cold blood after their duels. So like ???? Really depends on the direction Cybird wants to take. Expand on the relationship, create new issues/threats--or make Act 3 a more large scale story progression.

There’s also the possibility that the story is expanded by hinging on the timespace complications. If Vlad saw a desolate future, what does that mean for everyone? Will that come to pass--and if so, when? Will he be supported or stopped? What will that entail? Maybe Vlad sees that the desolate future was the product of his own megalomania. Maybe Vlad turns out to be right and drastic action needs to be taken before it gets that far. Whatever the case, I’m interested to see what narrative avenue Cybird will choose.

As for more suitors, I really have no idea given I haven’t seen so much as a whisper of what comes after Charles. I think my best bet would be potential pureblood suitors (maybe the product of Comte/Vlad story continuations), or more roulette famous figures in line with Vlad’s machinations to thwart the suitors. If Michelangelo comes back and throws hands with Leonardo, I will veritably lose my entire mind

#ikevamp #ikemen vampire #ikevamp meta #ikevamp charles #ikevamp dazai #ikevamp vlad #ikevamp comte #i hope this helps!#there are a lot of story threads cybird actively follows and many they abandon so #it can be pretty hard to tell what they'll choose #i will say that comte's events have been an interesting build-up #and i'm surprised because he's not really the title character of the game? I find usually napoleon/arthur/vlad tend to get more attention #but honestly comte seems to be the only act 2 character who gets a sizable amt of content alongside vlad (as compared to dazai/shakes/seb)#comte is the outlier in terms of steady narrative progression and consistent development #it makes me wonder if they intend to expand on it because of his conflict with vlad and his promise to mc--which allows for room to write #vlad is an obvious contender in that so much of his stance/presence in the game is about the future and how it will play out #his obsession brings with it the question of what it all really means and how it will be resolved in the end #they're probably the most likely contenders for act 3 given the larger tone of their events and room for development at the moment #man if it turns out some pureblood rando was messing with timespace and vlad and comte have to team up #i will literally laugh myself to death #anywho those are my thoughts! hope it was engaging <333 #and sorry if my simping got in the way (I try not to be biased HAHA)#💛💛💛💛💛💛#rambles #not incorrect quotes

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yunsoh · 4 years

Note

'a sohma man'.... kyokeru???? kyokeru????? is this a thing wait they wld be SO funny please elaborate

kyokeru absolutely has a handful of diehards out there (i’ve only seen them on twitter but i’m sure they’re lurking somewhere here too) but i would be lying if i said that i haven’t thought about them LMAO.... okay first of all i think kyo would loathe kakeru on principle -- he’s loud, annoying, invasive, and yuki’s best friend. the only reason uo gets a pass at being loud, annoying, and invasive is that she’s tohru’s best friend. yes he thinks about the fact that he does consider uo a friend and that maybe maaaaybe it’s shitty of him to completely disregard kakeru altogether just because he’s best friends with yuki but then kakeru says something like “wow, no wonder you and yun-yun are related, you’re both so serious and moody lol” that he’s officially like, fuck this dude.

kakeru on the other hand is super fascinated by kyo just on the basis that he’s another sohma enigma™ and that he finds him hot, and is not put off by kyo not wanting to have anything to do with him like, whatsoever. he kind of sort of knows he and yuki have beef with each other, but he’s not exactly sensitive to that -- yuki isn’t thrilled or anything talking about kyo, but he’s very much like “if you want to be friends with him, fine” (it’s the principle of autonomy, but also. he doesn’t exactly say this kindly. kakeru knows this but runs with it). kakeru tries again to talk to kyo but kyo has more or less put him on the dni list and is pretty aggressive about not wanting anything to do with him. cold, brushes him off, tries (and fails lmao) to ignore him, etc. finally he just has to snap and tell kakeru straight up that he doesn’t want anything to do with him, and kakeru’s just “?? why? because of yuki?” not rlly understanding at all the depths of their baggage, and kyo -- at this point being more mindful abt his anger but still so fuckin sensitive -- more or less snaps like “don’t fuckin talk to me about him.” meanwhile i just imagine uo hana and tohru chilling in the bg watching all of this unfold, hana and uo being like “oh tasty drama” and tohru being like “um!!! 🙃”

oh my god anyways so kyo and kakeru do not start out on the right foot whatsoever BUT kakeru is nothing if persistent and even though he’s a little mad at kyo for shutting him out completely just on the basis that he’s friends with yuki, he is still really intrigued by him and has seen with his own two eyeballs that kyo isn’t always so prickly and standoffish -- he’s seen from the sidelines that he acts esp different with tohru (which by the way, i’m ignoring the whole kakeru and tohru knowing each other thing, i do not care for it so away it goes) and honestly seeing just how gentle and different kyo’s whole aura becomes maybe makes kakeru a little.... piney.... he tries not to question himself too much but he does question for just a moment WHY exactly he’s trying so hard to get to know this guy only to fall on his face over and over, and while he can chalk it up to stubbornness he does also chalk it up to finding him attractive. he tries to leave the thought cut and dry there and tbh. succeeds lmfao.

sooooo how does kakeru make things right and can he...... okay so in this universe i think it would make absolute sense that he has a rapport with uo and i think they would be really fucking funny together as friends, so he ends up getting a moment with her to just be like “what the hell is up with kyo and why does he hate me” and she tells him straight up that he’s just Like That but he’s especially like that because kakeru’s so close with yuki. kakeru brings up that tohru’s also really close with yuki, and tbh uo straight up laughs in his face like “okay but tohru’s a tranq and you’re like a bomb in the middle of the room” and she more or less tells him that kyo will come around if he wants to comes around. but for kakeru, that’s a hard “if.”

kyo meanwhile has been extremely broody about kakeru if only because he’s aggravating the part of his internal dialogue that is soooo so sensitive to the fact that he can’t justifiably blame yuki for all of the things he blames him for and that it’s something he’s been aggressively avoiding thinking about because i mean. it’s his lifeline basically. like he knows he doesn’t want to allow kakeru into his circle for the sole reason that he doesn’t trust the fact that he’s so close with yuki, and he knows that this is directly combatting the fact that tohru’s also close with yuki (+ was arguably friends with yuki first), and that who yuki chooses as friends cannot by that logic be terrible people. he also can’t reject him on the basis of being an annoying asshole because over half of his friend group is made up of annoying assholes. so he spends more energy thinking about kakeru than he wishes to admit to and this ofc only makes him crankier every time he sees him.

all things considered kakeru is able to maintain a fair amount of distance from kyo being that they’re not in the same class and don’t usually bump into one another unless kakeru is specifically seeking him out, so kakeru does take some time to consider what he should do (he feels that maybe he should apologize but he’s also finally getting the gist that kyo’s on edge whenever he comes around, and he doesn’t want to just waste an apology yk). at most he tries to give kyo a “totally inconspicuous” stare across the room when he comes along to grab yuki from class for a meeting but kyo just pointedly stares out the window instead so it’s a no-go. during this time kyo has been battling between “am i being an asshole to this dude for no reason” and “who gives a shit if i ignore him he’s annoying” and this is made prominent by the fact that his friends chucklefucks #1 and #2 have decided, suddenly, to be annoying to him specifically about why the vice president keeps looking at him funny and uo stoking the flames by saying kyo keeps rejecting him. they then go on to say how cruel and mean kyo is and that he’s breaking their vp’s heart and he’s actually about to triple frontflip out the window again before tohru pipes up like “i think he’s probably really nice actually!! :)” because of course she does she has essentially entrusted kakeru to handling yuki’s heart and soul and. i think she wants kyo to have more friends. i mean i think we all want kyo to have more friends. kyo ofc only listens to tohru but man is he mad about it. he consoled only by the fact that if he gives kakeru a chance and he still doesn’t fuckin like him he can drop him for good.

i’m getting so fucking carried away with this anyway kyo actually kind of runs into kakeru after school and. there’s a funny thing abt kakeru where when he’s completely alone he’s actually just quiet and non-abrasive and normal, and this seems obvious but kyo just realizes he never considered kakeru has any semblance of an off button. it’s awkward on kyo’s part (as usual) and kakeru is both delighted and confused as kyo makes his way through a very gritted apology for being an ass, to which after waaaay too long a contemplative pause he just says sorry in return because he knows he pissed kyo off in one way or another and that he’s kind of an idiot sometimes. which i think is a level of straightforwardness and self-awareness that kyo doesn’t expect from him LMAO so he’s taken slightly off-guard, but still it’s just. awkward. for him anyway. kakeru though is feeling a little bit of a win for himself and just says he has to bail and that he’ll catch him tomorrow, which kyo just kind of absently agrees with...... by the time he considers taking it back and going “this doesn’t mean we’re friends” or smth the moment’s long passed and kakeru’s way down the street, walking off to the station alone........ pause for quiet scene.......

so i just realized i wrote like seven paragraphs about just the leadup of them becoming anything close to friends BUT i do wanna say that i think a big breakthrough moment for them actually becoming friends is really just about kakeru being very obviously his own entity who is actually not like yuki in the slightest (yk how friends take on each others mannerisms and mind-meld and shit like that........ yeah this is something way more apparent for yuki in their relationship LMAO yuki’s influences on kakeru are much much quieter). which is another thing that should be obvious, but considering kakeru is someone who willingly and overtly befriends yuki (vs other people like haru, who has a long family history w him, and tohru, who literally lives with him and is. well, tohru.), and considering kyo never gets to know him prior to this, i want to imagine that he’s just plainly biased and had more or less disliked him by association more than anything. so getting to know him as an individual and carving out a space for just him in his brain.... yeah.

i’m a big sap for friends-to-lovers so ofc the real pining doesn’t start until they’ve actually started to become better friends, which i think is very much full of stupid bullshit instigated by kakeru begging kyo to teach him how to fight (after asking yuki a quarter million times and getting rejected every time. kyo does not know that this is because kakeru is a power rangers fanboy but absolutely wants to use this as a moment of “fuck that guy i’ll show it to you better than he could anyway” which has this unaware flirty tone to it that kakeru wants so badly to comment on but doesn’t want to lose his chance to learn how to defeat evil with his own two fists so he just. stores that away for himself 2 think about later). kyo trying to teach him would be intimate if kakeru had an ounce more talent and concentration and kyo had an ounce more patience. anyways they play wrestle instead bc kakeru is bored of the basics and it’s actually fun for the both of them until kyo pins kakeru and they have this mutual moment of. uhhhhh. bro? haha. bro?? at which point kakeru finally has to admit to himself “oh this isn’t just normal attraction this is some real shit” and kyo is in full “what the fuck was that” mode.

i have no resolution for this post i’ve decided i’m just going to leave it at that because as u can see it’s mad easy to run in circles with these two. they’ve got a good hypothetical chemistry going on and have the nice lil kick of drama a la “this is my rival’s best friend/my best friend is friends with my rival” and a good ol sexuality crisis. and what more could u ask for really

#oh my god i wrote this for so long that i started it drunk and finished it sober #anyways ty anon this was fun and i honestly love thinking about other kakeru ships...... probably bc i just love He #kakeru manabe #kyo sohma #kyokeru #headcanons #Anonymous #answered

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jamminvroomvroom · 2 years

Text

About my blog tag! I was tagged by @welld0nebaku <33

1. Why did you choose your url?

jammin is a nickname of mine, don’t ask why bc i also do not know lmao, one day it just stuck. and if i have not already made it explicitly clear, i like it when the cars go vroom soooo jammin 🤝 vroom vroom

2. Any side blogs?

nope, i barely have enough brain cells to maintain this one

3. How long have you been on Tumblr?

well i had an account for literal years that i was never active on but then i started using it to lurk on f1 lmao so i deleted that blog bc it was just eh no and created this one so i could join f1blr about 6ish months ago???

4. Do you have a queue tag?

wtf is that

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

as i said above, i started using my old blog for f1 stuff but i decided i wanted to be more active and try and find cool people with similar interests to me!! met some wonderful people and have fully immersed myself into f1 hehe

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

well. simulation glitch!lando is something that is so relatable 😌

7. Why did you choose your header?

honestly your guess is as good as mine. the colours fit and daniel is hot lol

8. What's your post with the most notes?

part one of my first fic - monaco

9. How many mutuals do you have?

i don’t know exactly but i have some *chefs kiss* besties

10. How many followers do you have?

230 something??? that’s a ballpark tbh bc why are people following me all i do is shout and thirst

11. How many people do you follow?

70 something???? as you can see numbers are my passion.

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

i am the shitpost.

14. Did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog?

no but there have been close calls lmao. i am a leo.

15. How do you feel about "you need to reblog this" posts?

don’t care for them too much but also i’m not gonna get mad if i see that on my dash. just today i reblogged the creative duck or whatever that was. do what u gotta do is what i am trying to say.

16. Do you like tag games?

i was a tag game virgin but this is fun.

17. Do you like ask games?

i am yet to play one bc who actually asked for my opinion on anything. i mean i still give my opinion unprompted anyways but yk

18. Which one of your moots do you think is Tumblr famous?

it is hard to tell bc once in a while we all pop off for a sec lol. they all deserve to be tumblr famous though if they are not already.

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

i am simply in love with all of you.

I would like to tag @boysthatgovroomvroom @thegirlinthefandoms <33

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wntersfire · 3 years

Text

GET TO KNOW ME TAG GAME

Before I start I would just like to say (tw alcohol for now and question 19) sorry for any spelling mistakes or if I ramble a little. To cut a long fuckin story short I mis read the measurements of my shot glasses and so instead of having two cocktails I’ve had the equivalent of four in the space of an hour and a half. Being british, im not gonna let a good drink go to waste either so im onto my third/sixth now.

Tagged by @clints-lucky-arrow (an actual goddess among us mortals)

1. Why did you choose your URL?

So this reason is two-fold. One, I didn’t watch star wars growing up because I was dumb and didn’t understand the politics (it wasn’t until my boyfriend sat me down and explained it literally in January of this year that I actually got it) but I loved Sci-fi and space so the next best thing was Treasure Planet (2003 film, Available on didney+) My favourite scene is the ending when Long John Silver (spoilers) is about leave before he can be arrested and Jim confronts him. Seeing how much his character has grown, Silver says to Jim, “Look at you, glowing like a silver fire. You’re something special, Jim. You’re gonna rattle the stars, you are.” It literally makes me tear up every single time I watch it and its one of my favourite lines of all time. Second, this was actually quoted in one of my favourite book series ‘Throne of glass’ by Sarah J Maas. I adore the character of Celeana and again one of my favourite quotes from TOG is when Queen Elena says to Celeana“ You could rattle the stars. You could do anything, if only you dared.” Every time I read that line I literally get chills and I actually have plans to get this tattooed on me lmao

2. Any side blogs?

Yes my fanfic blog @second-stars-totheright (I like puns and I used to love peter pan)

3. How long have you been on tumblr?

I joined when I was 13 for the fanfiction and lurked for a very long time, just reblogging and liking things until I deleted it when I was 17. Re downloaded the app and got my account back back around February of this year (when I was 19, now 20) and since then I’ve found it much friendlier and actually interacted with people this time around, and actually started posting my work on here!

4. Do you have a queueue tag?

No. This is my general postings blog so I just kind of stick anything funny or worth keeping here, but I probably should make one!

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

As I said to read fanfiction (anyone wondering it was 5 seconds of summer fanfiction. Anyone who judges me in the comments its fair game 🥺) but I re-downloaded it this year because I noticed with my work on Wattpad, while I had some do really well (one has gotten 130k+ views) its very difficult to actually interact with readers and get feedback. I’ve only accumulated that high of a number after 5 years of it being on there, and so tumblr is just so much more personal!

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

I did it this morning as I was getting tagged in this lmao. I wanted a cartoon girl who looked like me but because I had a specific colouring (ie my hair is black with a blonde streak at the front & my eyes have both blue and green segments because I have heterochromia) I couldn’t find any that looked like me so I recoloured a cartoon girl I found on pinterest.

7. Why did you choose you header?

The white clouds fit the stars theme and it looks pretty with the purple. ✨💜

8. Whats your post with the most notes?

“That girl is a problem | Javier Pena x Agent!Reader part 1” with 105 notes on my fanfic blog.

9. How many mutuals do you have?

I am still a little tumblr idiot when it comes to this so if someone could tell me how to find out I'll edit this

10. How many followers do you have?

72 on here, 107 on my fanfic blog (AND I LOVE ALL OF YOU ACROSS BOTH OF THEM MWAH, MWAH KISSES FOR YOU ALL 💜💜💜)

11. How many people do you follow?

165 (it was 700+ but the other day I unfollowed a bunch of accounts that haven’t been active since I followed them when I was 13. There were LOTS)

12. Have you ever made a shit post?

I mean all you have to do is look at the Nomad memes I make (UNAPOLOGETICALLY I might add 😤) for @clints-lucky-arrow to know I absolutely have. That series has a hold over me im telling you. I black out when I start reading and I awake with a bunch of meme editing apps open and my feelings tugged at from her amazing writing.

13. How often do you use Tumblr each day?

If I’m with my boyfriend which is like two days a week, rarely, but now I’ve finished uni, I’m on here all the god damn time. I feel so comfy and safe interacting with you all, not to mention some of you guys are funny as hell.

14. Did you have a fight with a blog once?

Not really on here, I haven’t received any hate luckily but I prefer not to spoil how comfy I am here with arguing.

15. How do you feel about ‘you need to re-blog this’ posts?

I’m a little confused by this I dunno whether I’ve just never come across any like this or if Stars is being a bimbo on the tl again. However, I only reblog things I’d like to keep for future reference or if something deserves to be shared to everyone else like a fic rec or a piece of art. (As Mack said, I’ve re-blogged so many in the past promising me money or luck and I am still broke as shit so what does that tell you).

16. Do you like tag games?

Yes!! I love reading everyone elses and getting to know my mutals better!

17. Do you like ask games?

Again yesss because it means I get to send love to my mutuals and get to know them better! I tend to not participate though just read their responses because I sometimes feel like I’m bugging people clogging their inboxes even though I know that’s the point idk I’m a hell of an over thinker sometimes 🥳

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

It’s been said before but @clints-lucky-arrow (wow you rlly owning this post bby girl) but I just remember lurking on Nomad early February and liking and reblogging her chapters so I could keep them to re-read cause that’s how much I instantly loved it and when she followed me I realised who she was and lowkey had a starstruck moment bcus id been ciaght up in her work for weeks and too nervous to make contact. Also @arduadastra, I saw her work all over the pedro tags for so long and now I’ve gotten to know her she is the sweetest girl!! We usually fan over Javier Pena gifs together, she’s solely responsible for ‘That girl is a problem’ bcus of her gif sending at 1am giving me Javi thots and now it’s my most successful one on my blog. And most recently @pedrosgirlx followed me this morning and her work is genuinely some of the best I've seen on here, as I said this morning it is the Sistine Chapel ceiling of Mando art it is actually jaw dropping!! I cant believe all these creators are rlly giving us this content for free and yet being so talented AND the nicest people I’ve ever met!!

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

No, although I hold a lot of them dearly as friends. 15/10 would treat you lovelies to a drink of your choice if we ever met (any of you from the uk who drink I’d get you a pitcher from Whetherspoons)

20. Absolutely no pressure tags:

anyone who wants to join! a lot of people I would have tagged have already posted theirs so go for it if you like the look of it!

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unofficial-cactus · 3 years

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FANFIC WRITER INTERVIEW

With tagged by @captainkappa

Name: Sunset

Fandoms: Currently Dream SMP. I’ve previously written for Thrilling Intent and Mindcrack, but have lurked in many other fandoms.

Two-shot: I’ve never actually formally published/finished a two shot before. I guess my closest would be Hear Me Out and the previously unpublished and still incomplete sequel Two Truths and a Lie - I’m giving anyone who follows me a gdoc link for that because why not.

Most popular multichapter: The fic-writing side of Mindcrack was a tiny fandom - about 500-700 of us in total in its prime, so it’s no surprise that joining a mega fandom (Dream SMP) has launched my first multichapter fic for that fandom straight to ‘most popular multichapter’ by a long shot. That’ll be Daddy Issues.

Actual worst part of writing: Starting to write is always the worst part for me. No matter where I am in a fic - beginnning or almost finished - it takes a while of hammering out and deleting sentences before I get into the flow of things and actually start writing usable content.

How you choose your titles: I don’t really know. I’ve done a few lyric-based ones, but I guess I go for something thematically relavant and just play around with words, phrases, and ideas until something sounds write.

Do you outline: Practically never, even though the writing process is easier when I do. I spent nearly three years sitting down every lunch break in high school plotting out The Survival Saga. I’m not kidding when I say that was my baby. I have the other two arcs planned out in varying levels of detail, but I had a notebook filled with handwriting details for each chapter of the first arc, plus plot beats for the rest of it, as well as plenty of digital notes for it. The only other thing I’ve had to put a degree of outlining into is my current fic I’m working on for the DSMP Big Bang.

Ideas I probably won’t get around to, but wouldn’t it be nice?: Finishing the Survival Saga. The next two arc were gonna be called The Wither Effect and The Ender Complex and I’m still so excited about the ideas. But realisitcally, the Mindcrack fandom is practically dead and I really don’t have the motivation to write 60k words that all of 3 people are gonna read, especially since it already took me about 5 years to write the first 30k words. Fandom drama too means it’d be weird to have to write some of the characters in there now, plus so much has changed that the mechanics of the plot, as well as the charactisations I was using are very outdated. I also feel there’s a notable enough change to my tone in writing that I wouldn’t know how to carry over the same voice into the rest of the fic.

Callouts @ me: Spite is not a healthy motivator for writing. Being so judgemental about other people’s writing makes you snide and arrogant which just aren’t nice personality traits. It’s okay for the first draft to suck - editing is a useful tool and you’re more productive when you write something meh then edit it to hell then sit there expecting the first draft to be perfect and thus not being able to write at all when the first few sentences fail to meet that expectation.

Best writing traits: Not a particular part of my writing itself, but rather my reading process. I’m very analytical when I read things, constantly noting what works, and what doesn’t in other people’s fics, so reading fic for me is a constant learning and bettering process for my own writing. On one hand it means I have very particular standards about what fics I can read through to the end, on the other I at least hope that it means I don’t make a lot of the same mistakes often found in fanfic that people find makes for poor writing. I do also have a history of being known for my smut, but I still don’t know how much of that is influenced by lack of many better options in that fandom.

Spicy tangential opinion: I have some quite spicy opinions about boundaries in RPF, but I’m not gonna throw myself to wolves on this by saying anything more than: fanfiction is for the fans. the RP of RPF do not belong in fandom spaces, nor should they be welcomed into them. So long as we also do our fair share of keeping creators out of fandom spaces, then what we do in fandom spaces is none of their business.

Don’t like, don’t read. Dead dove, do not eat.

Fiction is not necessarily a reflection of a writer’s personal opinions. Someone can enjoy something in fiction while being horrified by it in real life scenarios.

No pressure tags: @theropodtheroblogs @solena2 @genofeve I have no idea who tf to tag for this lmao.

#sunset rambles

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taeyongdoyoung · 4 years

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summary: the forest is your only escape from the everyday troubles with your family until you find danger lurking behind the trees. or rather, danger finds you. your fateful encounter with the vampire ravn leaves you wishing for a different life. you strike an unexpected deal with the stranger that will soon turn into something more…

pairing: vampire!ravn x reader

genre: vampire!au, angst, humour, slight fluff

warnings: human trashnaming lmao, blood, fangs, sensual (?) biting

word count: 2.6k

author’s note: magician!seoho cameo especially for @wandu *mwah*

part one 🌙 part two 🌙 part four 🌙 part five 🌙 part six 🌙 part seven 🌙 part eight 🌙 part nine 🌙 part ten🌙 part eleven 🌙 part twelve 🌙epilogue

Two weeks later, you awoke in the middle of the night, because you were feeling peckish. You had already gotten used to the expensive red velvet sheets that surrounded you every night. It wasn’t their softness or the riches in Ravn’s castle that gave you comfort. It was the realization that your family could no longer bully you for not being married well-off or judge you for reading too much or anything they chose to hold against you.

You could finally be yourself. And not in the way you had been in the forest - lonesome. You finally had company that accepted you for who you were. There was one tiny downside, that company consisted a vampire that required your blood. But you reminded yourself this was your idea in the first place. And though sometimes uncomfortable, it was still way better than your previous life.

You got up from the bed to search for said vampire. He didn’t really need sleep so the bed was just there as an accessory of some sorts. You were glad for it, because you were planning to stick around. You couldn’t find him anywhere so you made yourself at home and went to prepare some food. Ever since you’d “moved in”, Ravn had made sure you’d have all the commodities a human could possibly require, including a previously empty room that could now be perfectly classified as a kitchen.

You were very grateful for his kindness but there was a part of you that kept saying this was too good to be true. Sure, you were giving something in return, but was it enough? What if his intentions towards you changed at one point? What if one day he decided he no longer liked your blood and tossed you away? What would you do, then? Or what if…he just killed you once he grew bored with you? Admittedly, you weren’t really scared of death. But you still liked living. After having endured so much torment, you were now enjoying life and you didn’t want that newfound happiness, that freedom to end.

As you were making yourself a sandwich, you suddenly heard a noise coming from somewhere nearby. You looked around but could see nothing and nobody.

“Ravn, is this you?” you asked fearfully.

However, you were shocked when you were met with a complete stranger lurking in the shadows!

“Who the hell are you?” the suspicious man inquired.

“I could ask you the same!” you shot back.

“I asked you first!” he continued.

You groaned in frustration.

“What are you doing in the kitchen?”

“What are you doing in the kitchen?” he mimicked your voice.

You rolled your eyes, completely done with this stranger.

“RAAAAAAVN,” you yelled for dear life, hoping that your vampire host would kick the intruder out as soon as possible.

“Wait, you know Ravn?” the man asked.

“Uh, yeah. Do you?”

“Are you kidding? I’m his best friend, Seoho!”

“Oh. I’m…” How were you supposed to introduce yourself? Ravn’s blood bank? His human roommate? What were you to him?

Luckily, you were saved by further questioning things, because Ravn walked into the kitchen in that very moment.

“Y/N, are you okay?” he asked, visibly concerned about your well-being, which made your heart flutter despite your better judgement. “Ah, Seoho, hi!” Ravn’s tense posture immediately relaxed. “Did you scare my human?”

He’d called you his human…Never before had you imagined that being a vampire’s human would excite you in such a way. You had previously thought that being too possessive was somewhat cringey. What had changed? Why were you so quick to fall for his charms?

“I’m not scared!” you quickly stood up for yourself. “I just didn’t know who he was, that’s why I called your name.”

Ravn smiled fondly.

“There’s no need to worry,” he reassured you. “Seoho is my best friend. He’s a magician.”

“Woah,” you were amazed to have met yet another supernatural creature. Things were getting more and more interesting.

“Would you like to explain to me why there’s a human in your castle?” Seoho intended to find out.

Ravn gulped anxiously. Seoho was staring at him intensely. You looked at Ravn, then at Seoho, then back at Ravn and the tension in the kitchen was too terrifying to move or speak a word. What had you done wrong?

“Y/N, could you go upstairs for a bit? I need a moment alone with Seoho.” Ravn whispered gently but you knew this wasn’t a request.

So, you quietly slid away from the room, but before you could start walking towards your new bedroom, you couldn’t help but overhear Ravn’s answer.

“She won’t tell anyone about what we are.”

“How can you be so certain?” Seoho responded angrily. “Don’t you remember what almost happened to Xion when his secret was exposed?”

You were in no place to hear any of this but it was too tempting to miss. You felt really bad about eavesdropping but if you wanted to survive in Ravn’s castle, you had to know what to avoid doing or saying.

“How can I forget when I’m the one who pulled him out of this mess, in the first place,” Ravn replied just as angry.

“There’s a reason why I insisted on erasing your victims’ memories! Humans are the lowest form of existence and they can’t be trusted!”

“I was a human once,” Ravn reminded his friend in a sad, almost nostalgic voice.

“Yeah, and how did that work out for you, huh? I swear to Lucifer, if she exposes us…”

“I can deal with the consequences for my actions, Seoho. Just leave Y/N out of this.”

“What makes her so special?”

Ravn was silent for a brief moment.

“Oh, no. Don’t tell me she’s…”

“Shh,” Ravn interrupted his friend as if he somehow knew you were listening at the door. “It’s just a theory.”

“You’re being very defensive over a mere theory,” Seoho pointed out.

“I’ll let you know when I find out for sure.”

“Well, until then, you can’t blame me if I choose to stay away,” Seoho announced.

“I understand where you’re coming from,” Ravn said calmly.

“Good night, sweet prince.” Great. Another Shakespeare fan, even though he strongly disliked you. And the whole human race, for that matter.

“I’m not dead,” Ravn laughed.

“Well, technically, you are,” Seoho reminded him and judging from the abrupt end of the conversation, he’d somehow disappeared. Magicians, eh?

You could now hear Ravn’s steps approaching so you ran up the stairs as fast as you could. You wondered if vampires had super hearing as well as super speed.

You hurriedly opened the door to your bedroom and flopped yourself onto the bed, grabbing the book on your nightstand and opening it at random, meaning to pretend you had been casually reading and not at all eavesdropping Ravn and Seoho’s conversation.

Soon enough, Ravn walked in on you only for you to realize you were holding the book the wrong way. Fuck. You mentally slapped yourself for being so stupid and reckless. Ravn sat down to you calmly and sighed.

“What part of go upstairs did you not get?” he asked you in a serious tone.

It was at that moment you knew…you fucked up.

“How much of it did you hear?” Ravn continued once you didn’t say a word.

“M-most of it,” you replied in a small voice.

Your hands were shaking and you put the book down, because it was of no use right now, you’d gotten caught and you were going to die. Goodbye, world.

Ravn sighed once again.

“Are you angry with m-me?” you murmured sheepishly, avoiding to make eye contact.

“Not really,” he confessed. “Just…upset.”

“I’m s-sorry for listening, I didn’t m-mean to.”

“Then, why did you do it?” Ravn asked, slightly raising his voice, which made you flinch.

“I wanted to know why your friend had such an intense hatred for humans. And to…possibly avoid doing anything that would make you share his opinion. That would make you…want to get rid of me.”

You finally dared look into his face. What you saw wasn’t what you expected to find. He didn’t seem angry at all, just…unbelievably sad. Like he’d said.

“And did you find the answers you sought?”

“Not really. I’m just as confused as before.”

Ravn scoffed lightly.

“Ask away, then.”

“What almost happened to your friend Xion…did it have anything to do with a human?”

Ravn nodded.

“Will you…t-tell me about it?”

“Xion is a vampire like me,” Ravn started. “Once upon a time, he fell in love with a human girl. And for a while, he thought she loved him back. Until…she betrayed him. She came from a family of vampire hunters. She was deceiving Xion for months. And one night, she made him walk right into a trap. Luckily, Seoho had warned me about having heard a fraction of her thoughts. At first I doubted it, but something made me follow Xion. The girl had led him deep into the forest. He was surrounded by her, her brother and their parents. She had poisoned him with juniper and he was too weak to defend himself. They were torturing him and…were about to put a wooden stake through his heart if I hadn’t intervened. I…had to kill all of them. I usually don’t kill humans but…Xion is my friend, I couldn’t just let this go.”

You were quiet for a couple of minutes, silently considering everything you’d heard and what it meant for you. Of course, he had killed humans. It was vampire nature, after all.

But you were surprised to find out that this changed nothing about how you felt. You still wanted to stay with him. Were you afraid? Hell to the yeah. Were you also curious to find out more about him? Now, more than ever. Did that make you weird? You didn’t know and you didn’t care.

“I’ll understand if you want to walk away. And I won’t stop you,” Ravn said in a composed tone but you could see he was struggling.

“Why would I want to leave?” you were frantic. “You had no choice. You had to save your friend. If…someone threatened to kill a friend of mine, I would react in the same way, irregardless of whether my enemy was human or vampire.”

Ravn smiled knowingly. He didn’t bring up the fact that you never before mentioned anything about having any friends.

“And if it were your own family who threatened to kill your friend?”

You smirked viciously.

“Especially if it were my family. I would, in fact, enjoy it.”

His eyebrows rose in shock. He never pressured you for any information about why you’d rather stay in his home than return to your own. He figured you’d tell him if you felt ready.

“Do you have any more questions?”

You considered asking him about his theory concerning you but you remembered how he’d interrupted his friend Seoho, probably because he knew you were listening on the other side of the door. Which meant that he didn’t want you to know. So, you decided to forget about it. For now. You shook your head.

“But I want to say something, instead.”

“Go ahead,” Ravn encouraged you.

You hesitantly put your hand on top of his and looked him directly in the eyes.

“What that girl did to your friend Xion…I would never do to you.”

Ravn’s pupils sparked with emotion but his words were as cold as his skin.

“Never say never.”

“I wouldn’t!” you insisted passionately. “I made a promise!”

Ravn laughed.

“Okay, okay, relax,” his free hand touched your cheek softly. “I trust you.”

You beamed and leaned into his touch.

“So…you won’t get rid of me yet?” you inquired in a cute voice.

“Do you trust me?“

"No,” you chuckled, the lie leaving your lips easily.

“Clever girl,” Ravn caressed your cheek and you could swear you were seconds away from melting. He was kinder to you than any humans you’d interacted with in your short life. “You can even read books backwards! Truly a talent,” he said, mockingly reminding you of your awkward plan to appear nonchalant.

“Stahpp,” you pushed his shoulder with your own. “I was scared you’d be mad at me!”

“What, and you didn’t consider the fact that I could literally hear your loud breathing and the blood pumping through your veins?”

“I knew it! You guys have super hearing, as well. What else should I know?”

“Mmm, how about…I can hear your stomach grumbling right now. You never had the chance to eat that sandwich you were making, did you?”

You groaned in embarrassment.

“Ugh, right. Cause your friend interrupted my midnight snack.”

“Well, how about you finish your sandwich and then, take care of my midnight snack?” Ravn suggested smoothly.

“Sounds like a deal,” you giggled and grabbed his hand and hurried towards the kitchen.

You munched on your sandwich happily, while Ravn observed you. The knowledge that you were the food was a bit troubling but you were strangely certain that Ravn wouldn’t kill you. For him, having hunger for human blood was just as natural as you craving bread or cheese or tomatoes. And you were learning how to accept that. The way he had accepted you for yourself.

“I’m done,” you informed him, sounding a tad bit too excited to be devoured by him.

You leaned back against the kitchen counter and offered him your neck. Ravn walked towards you slowly, the anticipation forcing you to quiver needily. There was something intoxicating about the way his fangs pierced your skin, something that made you lose yourself in his touch.

Of course, you would never tell him that, it would give him far too much satisfaction and you liked that he believed this was a quid pro quo relationship. If he knew just how much you were enjoying yourself, you were afraid it would change your dynamic. And you weren’t ready for that.

The minute his teeth were finally on you, you had to bite your own lips to stop yourself from moaning his name. He was holding your lower back for support and you could already feel your legs starting to give out. But you didn’t want to stop him just yet, because there was something absurdly sensual about him biting you, your human blood being transferred into his immortal body. You knew you wouldn’t be able to hold on for too long but you treasured every second in his arms as if it was eternity. Once you felt your legs shaking, you dug your nails into the back of his neck to signal him you were about to pass out. Ravn immediately released you, causing you to stumble awkwardly. His hands were immediately wrapped around you again.

“You good?” he asked in concern.

You nodded weakly and placed your hand against his chest for support.

“Can you walk?”

Another nod on your behalf. Ravn stepped back, giving you space. You barely made one metre before you tripped, collapsing right into his arms.

“What am I to do with you?” he tsked at your feebleness and lifted you carefully.

He was so strong. If it were anyone else, this would probably frighten you, but because it was him, you felt uncharacteristically safe. As Ravn carried you upstairs, you could feel yourself drifting away. It wasn’t exactly passing out, you were just sleepy, so it was okay. You hadn’t broken his ground rules.

“Ravn?” you murmured seconds before falling asleep.

“Mhm?”

“Thank you.”

“What for? If it wasn’t for me and my bloodthirst, you wouldn’t be in this state,” Ravn said, amused by your sudden gratitude. But you were already in dreamland.

To be continued…

#oneus #ravn #ravn x reader #twilight #oneus fanfic #kim youngjo #angst #vampire au #ravn fanfic #vampires #kim youngjo x reader #writing

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onthepageoftears · 4 years

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Kill Your Darlings Ch. 18 (Jaskier x Assassin!Reader) || Witcher

A/N: Another long chapter! Only a few more to go! I’m gonna be a little MIA while I play The Last of Us Part II, but I’ll still check back and reblog some stuff! So if I don’t reply to your comments etc right away it’s just because I’m crying over Ellie and Joel lmao Enjoy!

Your comments and feedback are always encouraged and mean a lot to me!

Summary: The ones we were once closest to might be further than we remember.

Warnings: mentions of death, killing, blood, wounds, bruises, language, fluff, slight angst/comfort, tensionnnn, and more angst hehe

Words: 3,731

Please Don’t Plagiarize My Work!

Time was slow.

Maybe it was because your adrenaline was dying down. Maybe it was because you just realized the bard next to you was not just…a bard. But sitting in the bandit camp you and Geralt and Jaskier had just cleared out, you were feeling anything but anxious, anything but worried. You were feeling…content.

You practically smiled to yourself as Jaskier reapplied bandages to your wounds. He had found supplies in the camp and immediately offered to help you, despite the fact that you could very easily do it yourself. But still, you let him.

His hands worked carefully as he wrapped the wound on your leg. It was looking better than when you had first got it, which was a plus. But right now, you were focused on his fingers, on the way they moved so particularly, almost like he was playing his lute. It was like every movement of his was calculated and purposeful, and the slight grazes of his fingertips on your skin felt that way as well. You had to practically pray to the gods that he didn’t notice the flustered expression on your face that you so desperately tried to conceal.

“There,” he said, finally tying the bandage so it didn’t undo the work he did. “That should hold for a while longer.”

You blinked and rolled down your pants, slightly disoriented now that he wasn’t as close to you anymore, “Right. Thanks.”

As soon as Jaskier’s touch wasn’t on your skin, your mind flooded with thoughts you were trying to push away. Your mind first went to Hotch. He was a disgusting man, willing to do anything for revenge — even killing his own wife. He would have hurt a little girl at the chance of getting back at the man who seduced his lover; even though you knew he was crazy, you couldn’t help but connect his actions with your own. Despite hating him for what he did — and might have done if you hadn’t killed him — at one point, you did the same. Your whole life you were raised to hurt those who hurt others, in hope that it would fill the hole that was left after your father murdered your mother.

And then you met Jaskier. But honestly, that didn’t change anything. If anything, it made it worse. You would do anything for Jaskier, and had done anything for him. You killed Joneta. It seemed like so long ago that you had…ended her life, but it was only the other day. And you wouldn’t stop there. You would do anything for Jaskier, to get back at those who wronged him. So how did that make you any different from monsters like Hotch?

“What are you thinking about?” Jaskier’s voice broke your thoughts, making you turn to him. As usual, his eyes bore into your own with an intensity that you still weren’t used to. Maybe you wouldn’t have told him if he wasn’t looking at you that way. But of course, you did.

You let out a small breath, “Hotch.”

“What about him?”

You shifted in your spot, keeping your eyes just to the side of Jaskier’s face.“He was…blinded by his rage. His rage for you.” You met his gaze again, a new hardness to your stare, “He wanted revenge.”

Jaskier’s frown turned into soft expression as realization took over, “Y/N—“

You cut him off, “After my mother died, and my uncle taught me everything I know…I did anything for justice. For revenge.”

“But you’re not like him.”

“Why not?” Your eyes stung with tears, but you blinked them away. “I’m an assassin, Jaskier. I kill people.”

“I know that—“

“No, you don’t. I kill people and I enjoy killing people. If I hadn’t known you were innocent, I would have enjoyed killing you too.”

Jaskier faltered, his eyes alleviating as he looked back at you, “But you didn’t. And that’s what makes you different.” He tentatively placed a hand on your knee, watching your face to make sure you were okay with it. When you didn’t flinch, he spoke again, “I know what you’re capable of Y/N.”

And it doesn’t bother me. He didn’t say it with words, but as his eyes searched your own it was clearer than anything he could have said.

Jaskier looked at you like he was about to say something else, but before he could, Geralt’s footsteps emerged from wherever he had previously been in the camp.

“We should probably leave here soon. We don’t know if there are more bandits, and we don’t want to be here to find out.”

It was then that realization struck you. You had to warn Rauf about everything that had happened. Though it was only a couple of days, so much had been revealed to you, to all of you, and Rauf knew nothing about it. He had to be wondering where you were, what was taking so long — but once you told him everything you knew, he’d understand.

You hoped.

“I have to go,” you said suddenly, pushing yourself off the log you had been sitting on.

Jaskier immediately reached towards you, “You have to—hold on, now.” He grabbed your wrist before you could limp away, “Go where?”

“To talk to Rauf. I have to warn him. About everything.” You shifted to face the bard, “I mean, who knows how many other innocent people are being targeted for no good reason.”

Jaskier nodded and stood beside you, “Great. Yes, okay. Then let’s go.”

You stopped, gently taking your wrist from his grasp, “No.”

“No?”

“I have to go alone. You can’t show your face, at least not until I clear everything up.”

“You can’t go alone.” To your surprise, it was Geralt who spoke this time.

You crossed your arms over your chest, “Why not?

Jaskier spoke, cutting Geralt off, “We just…don’t think that’s a good idea.”

You gritted your teeth, “Why not?”

“Maybe we should plan it out first?”

“What is there to plan out?”

The silence that followed was not actually silence. There was an unspoken conversation that hung in the air as Jaskier and Geralt shared a look, one that you were quite determined to bring to light.

You glared at the two of them until Geralt finally spoke.

“Your guild leader isn’t who he says he is.”

You frowned at Geralt’s words, swallowing a lump in your throat as your stomach dropped, “And how would you know that?”

Geralt hesitated before responding, “I followed you to your guild.”

It wasn’t news to you. But his matter-of-fact tone made you feel ten times more defensive.

“And?”

“I went back there after you returned the first time. When you and Jaskier were waiting in the Nowhere Inn.”

You frowned, searching your memory. You guessed he was talking about when you first noticed Joneta lurking around the inn, when Geralt was nowhere to be found.

Geralt continued, “I wanted to see if he was actually checking on the client, like you said he would.”

“How did you know who he was?”

“He stood tall, unafraid. Unlike you, he didn’t slink around when he walked. He didn’t care about being careful.” Geralt relented, “And, he was the only one who came out of the guild without the cloaks like yours.”

Your eyes narrowed, “So you guessed.”

“Was it not accurate?”

You took a sharp breath in through your nose — from his description, it was definitely Rauf he was talking about. No one else from the guild had the same…aura as your uncle, and even if they did, they would have been wearing some sort of cover so no one could see their face.

You nodded your head, still feeling stiff with indignation, “So you followed him. And…?”

“He didn’t come here.”

You frowned, “So? They could have met at another place. It’s not unusual.”

Geralt only quirked a brow, as if to say, do you really believe that?

“He could have been set up as well.” You huffed in frustration, “There’s no way to know for sure until I confront him.”

“And what if it does go wrong?” Geralt crossed his arms over his chest, “Are you going to fight your way out?”

You gritted your teeth, anger seeping through you at Geralt’s patronizing tone, “Yes.”

Jaskier scoffed beside you, “Right, because it’s not like your leg is horribly injured and you can barely walk on it — much less take out a whole guild of assassins.”

It was an understatement to say you were shocked at Jaskier’s bluntness. The frown on his face was enough to make you step back — not from fear, but from surprise. You blinked as he softened his expression, reaching a hand out towards you in comfort. But you shifted away from his touch.

Jaskier spoke again, choosing his words carefully, “We just…need to be cautious, is all.”

“Fine,” you practically spat, turning away from the bard. “But we do this my way. And if you don’t do what I tell you, I’ll knock you out myself.”

Neither of the men responded to you as you limped back towards the horses and out of the camp.

—

The ride back to Novigrad was quiet. At first you had been fuming from what was said — how dare they assume Rauf was guilty when they didn’t even know him? Sure, you had your suspicions, but when they did, it felt like a direct attack. You knew you were wrong to have been so mad at them, but by the time you had gotten close to Novigrad, your previous frustration was taken over by a new anxiety.

What if they were right. What if Rauf never checked the payer — or what if he did, and he didn’t care? Where would that leave you? Where would that leave him?

Once you were at yet another tavern in Novigrad, you slid off the horse without Jaskier’s help; but once your feet landed on the ground, you kept your hands on the horse in front of you.

“Are you sure you’re okay to do this?” Jaskier said once he landed beside you.

You snorted, “Don’t think I can?”

“Of course I do.”

You fought the urge to look at his infamous eyes, instead focusing on Buttercup’s fur under your fingers. For some reason, looking at Jaskier made your stomach twist in a different way — it was like a new fear, a fear of something happening to him. You had felt it before, especially when you faced Joneta. But now, it felt different. Stronger. Like because now that you knew there was something deeper in your relation to him, losing him gained a thousand times more weight.

Before, you had wanted justice for Jaskier. You wanted him to be able to walk the streets again and perform without worrying about someone trying to kill him. Even though you barely knew him, and his personality was not something you thought you could ever miss, you didn’t want him dead.

But now, not wanting him dead had turned into needing him alive. If he died…you couldn’t even think about what it would do to you. And that…that was scary.

“We’ll be fine,” you said, the words surprising both you and Jaskier. You looked back at him, your eyes trailing to his lips, which were slightly ajar. He placed his hand beside your own on the side of Buttercup’s stomach.

His eyes stayed on yours, “Of course.” He smiled, the playfulness in his tone not meeting the fear in his eyes, “All you have to do is…not die.”

You huffed out a laugh, despite the constricting in your chest, “I would never.”

The smile on your face fell almost immediately, but instead of turn away from Jaskier, you placed your hand over his.

The look he gave you made your stomach flop, but you kept his gaze. “I’m going to fix this.”

After a moment, he sent you a small smile. “I know.”

—

The torches outside of the new fellowship gates flickered in the darkness as you lifted a fist to knock on the raggedy wood.

The small eye hole slid open, revealing a predictably gruff face.

“I’m here for the fellowship,” you stated, ignoring the nerves bundled in your stomach.

To your surprise, the face in the eye hole broke into a smile. Almost hastily, the man slammed the small door shut and eagerly opened the gates for you.

His smile was just as wide when he grabbed you in a bone crushing hug, “Y/N, how are ya?”

“Terrific,” you mumbled into his shoulder, praying to the gods that he would let you go before you stabbed him right then and there.

Thankfully for him, he did. His smile was smaller, but still present. “Remember me?”

You hesitated, but nodded, “You’re the same guy who let me in last time. Uh…”

“Androu.”

“Right. Androu. Cool.” Talk about a new recruit, you mused as he watched you step forward, only to hold an arm out in front of you.

“Ah, not so fast. Gotta leave your weapons at the front. New rule.”

Your heart pounded in your chest, but you frowned at your own nerves. It won’t have to come to that anyway, you thought, but your gut was telling you otherwise.

You huffed at the new guard and started removing your knives from their sheaths despite your inner protest. One hour and Geralt and Jaskier will come in. That would give enough time to talk to Rauf and figure things out before it got too crazy. If it got too crazy.

At the last second, you decided to leave one knife in your boot hidden. What they didn’t know, they couldn’t find.

After the guard — er, Androu — secured your weapons, you decided to test the waters of his overt friendliness, “And what idiot made this weapon stripping rule?”

“Me.” The two of you snapped your heads to the side, where Rauf was standing with a charming smile.

You looked at him, your spine stiff. It hadn’t been too long since the last time you saw him, but somehow, now, he looked…foreign. More confident than you’d ever seen him, which was saying something.

Still, you snorted a laugh, “You’ve lost your touch, uncle.”

“That’s not what the brothel women told me last night.”

The guards around him laughed hesitantly, making you roll your eyes. Even though his presence made you a bit uneasy (and apparently the guards as well), you couldn’t help but shake your head at his humor. Maybe he hasn’t changed that much. Maybe it’s just…paranoia.

His infamous smile lay comfortably on his face. “Care to join me in my office?”

You nodded and followed after him, quirking a brow at the two guards that followed behind you.

“You have guards now?”

Rauf chuckled, “The guild is growing, Y/N. We’re not a small fellowship anymore. And with more people, there is more potential for…threats.” He looked at you from the corner of his eye, “You understand that, don’t you?”

You simply nodded, swallowing the lump in your throat. You couldn’t wait for this to be over. And whatever this was, you couldn’t say.

Surprisingly, when you got to Rauf’s office, the guards waited outside. You almost expected them to stand on either side of Rauf at all times, like he was royalty or something. But that relief was soon extinguished when the door was closed behind you and you were left with just your uncle. You felt like you were getting ready to be lectured, even though he was the one who needed to be informed.

“Are you here to tell me good news?” Rauf sauntered deeper into the room, his eyes twinkling with a certain mischief that used to comfort you.

“Afraid not,” you said, watching as he leaned his hands on his desk. You opened your mouth to continue, but found yourself at a loss for words. How were you going to explain everything to him? Where would you start? What would make him actually believe you?

And why were you doubting him so much?

But before you could speak, Rauf sighed. “Joneta went to claim your target. Never came back. Do you know anything about that?”

You clenched your jaw, nearly drawing blood as you bit your tongue. You didn’t expect her name to come up so early in the conversation. You had hoped you could bring up what happened with her after he understood why you didn’t kill Jaskier, why you couldn’t. And why that meant you had to kill Joneta. But right now, looking in his disappointed eyes, you knew it wasn’t the time.

So, you lied.

“No.”

Rauf clicked his tongue, “But, I’m assuming you do know that your target is still out there.”

You shifted in your spot, trying to cease the fire that had begun spreading across your skin. “I know it’s not him.”

“And let me guess. You decided this on a gut feeling?”

“No.” Your outburst startled you; it was something you hadn’t done since you were young. But this tone Rauf was using with you — that reminded you of your childhood. He was treating you like an insubordinate child, like a rebel without a cause. Despite the anger filling your veins, you tried to remain calm.

After a moment, you cleared your throat, “I found the payer—“

“You found the payer?” His own anger surprised you, but you stood your ground. “And how did you manage that?“

You involuntarily shifted your gaze down to his desk of still unorganized papers. His eyes followed your own before he let out a scoff of disbelief, “You disobeyed a superior based on a gut feeling—“

“And I was right—“

“But you knew what you did was wrong, because you went behind my back to do it.”

You clamped your mouth shut. The feeling of shame twisted in your gut as Rauf looked at you and tilted his head.

“Is that not true?”

You spoke through gritted teeth, “Yes.”

You held his angry gaze before he let out a sigh and turned away. You released a breath, composing yourself before he turned back around.

“How many times in the last few times we’ve met have I had to ask you to trust me?” You opened your mouth to speak, but he held a hand up to stop you. “Rhetorical question.”

“I wasn’t going to answer that.” You spoke despite the glare he sent you. “I was going to say that this isn’t about not trusting you. It’s about trusting myself.”

“Y/N—“

“I followed all of your lessons. Your rules. I heard them in my head, being relayed to me over and over again as I made these…decisions. But still, my…gut—“ Rauf rolled his eyes, but you continued, “My gut was always right.”

Rauf considered you for a moment. You thought you could see was a flicker of sympathy in his eyes.

But you were wrong.

“Did your gut tell you to kill Joneta?”

You froze, any hope of getting through to him dissipating and being replaced with…guilt. Your breath was caught in your throat, making you unable to form words.

“Now, that was not a rhetorical question.”

Rauf’s smile made you sick to your stomach. You turned your eyes away from him, unable to keep yourself together as your eyes teared up.

“I know you mean well, Y/N. I do. But you need to know that you can’t just go around breaking rules because it’s what you think is right.” By then, he had made it over to you and placed his hand on your shoulder. Still, you couldn’t bring yourself to look at him. “You’ve been different lately.”

So have you, you thought, but before you could say anything, the door behind you slammed open.

You and Rauf turned to see it was the two guards.“Sir, we found one of the targets lurking around the guild. Some of the new recruits were roughing him up before we brought him in.”

Your heart skipped a beat. You specifically told Geralt to come after an hour, and to leave Jaskier behind. It couldn’t be one of them, could it?

Rauf seemed to be thinking the same thing, as his eyes were glued to you. “Is he dead?”

“No sir. We stopped them before it got too bad. We thought it best to bring him to you to figure out how to deal with it.”

“That’s good, that’s good. Though maybe it would have been better to just kill him there.” You watched as Rauf’s face scrunched in contemplation. Then, he shook his head, “No, no. You were right. Bring him here.”

To say you were holding your breath was an understatement. You and Rauf stood in silence as the sound of grunts echoed from the hallway, nearing closer and closer by the second.

You didn’t want any of this to be real. It didn’t feel real; Rauf treating you this way, the guild becoming something it never was — everything was falling apart, and you couldn’t seem to catch your breath. For once, you felt completely out of control.

As the footsteps got nearer, you silently wished they had left the door open so the suspense couldn’t give you the heart attack it already was. At the same time, you didn’t want to see who the target they had found was. Though, deep down, you already knew.

Finally, the door swung open.

Rauf clapped his hands together, “Well, well. Look who it is.”

One guard held each of his arms as they dragged him into the room.

You almost didn’t recognize him with all the blood. From what you could see, his face was covered in bruises that had already begun to form, blood was soaking into his shirt — whether it was his or the assassins’, you couldn’t tell. His feet were dragging on the floor as the guards brought him in, his head hung over his chest. But despite his injuries, you could hear the low wheezing of labored breathing — he was alive, which was something.

But it wasn’t enough. You clenched your fists, digging your nails into your palms as Rauf walked over and lifted his bloodied chin.

“The famous Jaskier. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

———————————————————————————————————

Sorry for the cliffhanger…but also not >:) let me know your thoughts!

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