#i feel like i dont do enough and it fucking exhausts me anyways. fuck. fuck

[kirexa]

‎

#i dont know what i fucking want to do right now im so tired why am i scrolling tumblr why am i doing this shit i was having a good day #and then i just wasnt why the hell does this happen i want to fucking. i dont want to kms. i know i dont and i wouldnt. but im just really #really tired of being happy and then just not being happy for no reason #i feel like i dont do enough and it fucking exhausts me anyways. fuck. fuck #sorry sorry im just. gonna go. i dont know what im going to do right now but scrolling Tumblr isnt helping anything its just making it worse #at least it feels like i feel a bit better after typing this #ive just felt a bad mood creeping up for the past hour or so and just ignored it and its hitting me full force i hate this #k vent

[oatbugs]

the forest looks like heaven today i woke up feeling the heaviest weight at the top of my heart

#yesterday on the study they said they were dating two others and it was going well and i cant imagine fucking you but #you have great tits. they got upset at me not inviting them to a party. my research partner told me to write a 1000 word essay on why they #should come. they spoke about how much they wanted theiir ex and they wouldnt tell me much about who theyre dating bc #they thought i still had feelings for them which. god. theyre right but the assumption is so arrogant #the streams r rly beautiful im walking to a date and shes gorgeous and some of my friends know her but i look #exactly like ive slept on my friends floor for the past few days so . aaa anyway #god after that whole call i just felt so deflated like i felt over it but now its all . back. like seeing them being happy w smn else #inflicts active misery upon me which means ii think im becoming a worse person bc of them. i called my friend and i just . idk i walked home #i kept wanting to weep but . woah the sun is so pretty #there are petals and dandelion seeds floating in the air #med school students walking to their lectures #she does biochem btw. the person im meeting now #there are two butterflies dancing together. i cant make this shit up the past few days have looked like actual heaven #ive spent them being on survival mode and not even bc of my studies like ok focus on log functions while the person kn the screen #tells u abt how if her ex were to call shed fold immediately and the new girl is a singer and its going well and maybe ill tell you #more abt it in a few months. SO YOU KNOW IT HURTS ! SO WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME YOUD MAKE OUT W ME AT THE CLUB WHY WOULD U FALL ASLEEP NEXT TO #ME WITHOUT CLOTHES ON ! WHY WOULD YOU CARESS YOUR OWN SKIN LOOKING AT ME IN THE MIRROR !!!! #anyway im like . sane. #i just . felt like it was over #i realised i kept seeing ppl who i thought were more attractive etc etc than her bc i needed to prove to myself #that im attractive enough to be liked or that i can be liked at all and a part of me wanted to prove it to them too #its just a horrible mindset to have and yh not only do they not care but they also bring out the worst in me actively like . I DONT KNOW #BUT THEN WHO ELSE KNOWS THAT THE GOLDEN HOURS IN TEHRAN ARE PINK AND LILAC WHO GOES TO TECHNO RAVES AT THE BASE OF DAMAVAND #WHO CAN PIN YOU AGAINST A WALL LIKE THEM !!! #anyway #standing up it just feels so #exhausting #like this the most exhausted ive felt from all this ever

[jinstronaut]

this is also why i stopped using my tracked tag for a while tbh

#and i might do it again bc its just #a reminder that no one rly cares abt what i do / who i am etc #which might sound over dramatic idk how else to describe it tho its just hollow #it feels very much like a Chore and a Task and if i dont reblog things fast enough from my tag #people get very angry and/or upset with me even tho theres just #so much content and i have 0 time so everything gets queued no matter what #like this whole experience feels like a chore lmao #and it never ever used to #but now theres so much animosity if i dont behave / interact with things Properly #or whatever the make believe rules are idk #this dash can just be so negative like have we all truly descended into madness during this hiatus #bc like i get it ive been up and down and all around too but ive never been straight up MEAN to anyone in this community #and i never want to either so this entire situation thats been bubbling for months just feels like shit #bc what the fuck changed and how do we get back to where we were #i never ever ever ever felt this way before like idk the middle of last year #but ever since like last fall its just been idk. Bad #once again im sorry if ive ever done anything to upset anyone but my silence / absence doesnt mean i dont care #ive just been Incredibly busy due to some real life changes that are out of my control #i might not have energy to answer everything but i do Read everything and it does make me smile #and i save messages that are kind in my heart so i can be reminded of the root of what this blog is supposed to be #a space for something im very passionate about and previously had nowhere else to express said passion #so like idk if we all like the same things why does this weird feeling of competition linger over us lmao #why do all ccs have to fight???? each other???? when we all love and do the same things???? #i have nothing against anyone personally but what i Do take issue with is the way that ive been doing this since 2021 and im fully just #ignored and shoved aside by so many people for reasons i fully dont know or understand #so yeah idk this is a novel i just woke up from a spontaneous nap bc im so exhausted i can only stay awake for 3 hours at a time #but yeah anyways idk ! #be nice its so easy ! #tbd

[4giorno]

baldies gate is very difficult

#its so confusing LMAO at least for me who knows next to nothing abt dnd #i dont understand how spells work and im getting stressed bc idk if quests rlly disappear if i dont complete them fast enough #but also i read that once you beat the main story its joever so maybe i should explore more but i feel like my character is wasting time #and is gonna die the next second if i dont progress the main story ⚰️ the green lady is doing a great job hammering that into my brain #anyway i cant take screenshots of my character bc my tv has fucked up colors and i made the character and guardian based on them #so when i look at a screenshot on the ps app and the colors are different im like '........ that is not my beautiful boy!!!!!' #like it rlly bothers me. anyway i chose a bard of course. very basic and again idk how to play so its all a mess hdjdjdjd #im hoping i figure it out soon bc it is such a cool game. just wish i understood anything </3 #i love my character tho im very invested in his story. maybe i shouldve made my first character the 'goody two shoes' type #to make it easier LMAO #but as ive said before i rlly need to get myself out of my comfort zone when it comes to games #i didnt wanna just breeze past the game but actually consider my decisions. turns out its exhausting lmaooo #anyway sorry im rambling i like the game but im just dumb and stress out over things that dont matter way too easily

[mejomonster]

Ridiculously depressed but I am running ragged (which is surely worsening the depression ToT) so like the idea of weekly therapy to further exhaust me and trigger the anxiety more doesn't sound super compatible

#rant #like. i havent eaten in 6 days im fucking miserable amd on edge. my gi issues are FUCKED right now #so i cant eat and im desperate To eat asap so i really hope my gi issues improve soon jesus fucking christ #anyway... on top of that which... homestly on its own is enough to destroy me emotilnally and exhaust me.... #i also am intensely deptessed a friend has like 5 crushes 4 dating options #i looked up advice today! oh no the spiral! i am considering paying money for a matchmaking service just so i can hate myself more i guess #when even that fails. i havent had a crush in 5 years either. i had like 3 crushes BUT they were married or aro #so i stopped my crush. so basically no crush on available for relationships peolle in half a decade. k feel broken #i looked up how to develop crushes today. google amd youtube apparently think its so rare to Not crush that theres no fucking advice #and then on top of it i have regular run of the mill anxiety. where i disassociate if im in public or around strangers. #which helps Me cope and i Feel great. as in not scared. but it means i dont talk well to strangers. #i try to. but i barely know what im saying and i dont see anyone i see them vaguely then block it out. and thats how i handle public. #and if i can manage to be present i need enough of a crowd i can hide. and if i see an attractive person i look away #cause i turn red and cant breathe. and im chicken i guess. so ur supposed to LOCK EYES with hot strangers and stare. but i need to PRACTICE #and then i also need to practice just. MAKING myself go places that make my anxiety shoot up horribly #and just sit and make myself stare at random peoplr and touch my skin and make myself endure being present. #then i have to do the same thing in public places i Like (which makes me more anxioud and in the past often resulted in panic attacks then #suicide attempts and self harm during said pamic attacks) so im not like super hype to endure that #and id rather endure it WHEN MY HEALTH IS SOLID ENOUGH I CAN EAT #because currently? me hungty? me in immense pain? even non anxiety inducing situatilns are shooting my stress level through the roof. #spilling coffee right now is making me feel like dying. just cayse im hungry and exhausted. i want to work up to 1. gi tract DIGESTING FOOD #PLEASE GOD SOON. 2. my back doesnt hurt so bad so i can STAND in public #3 stand in a nonthreatening public place like a bookstore or grocery store and stare at people #4 stand in nonthreatening place and stare at Hot people #5 attempt to enter a place in public i LIKE A LOT like a local hobby club. attempt for an hour if needed #call it a win if i make it to the doorway befote the panic attack hits. 6 attempt again at least standing IN FRONT of building 5 minutes #7 attempt again and maybr peak in and use bathroom so i can leave if im scared. 8 attempt again to enter building and maybe finally join #event i want to join. 8 attempt looking people in the eyes and remaining present at Location i like. #9 attempt looking pretty people In The Eye. 10 attempt saying hi i like your X #11 attempt conversation (if i got through all prior steps). which. this anxiety work could take 3-4 months minimum

[xxlelaxx]

My daughter is in a screaming phase. She just spends the whole day shrieking and screaming and I have had the most terrible headache. The last night's she cried for a Minimum of two hours because of the teeth and today everything was fine. I did everything I could and it was fine. We fell asleep. I wake up 45 minutes later to her screaming again and I just can't take it anymore. I've had too little sleep and I've been around her for the last 3 days... Even when I was interacting with her she was still in the same room screeching. My husband complained after two hours and honestly next time he does I'm gonna tell him to shut up about it. I haven't stopped crying for an hour cause now I can't sleep again cause I'm so agitated. I hate mother hormones. I hate not being allowed to sleep. I hate headaches. I don't want to get up and finish all the chores.

#ignore me #somehow all of this is going to a very toxic direction and i dont think my husband even notices #i cant stand his whining about free time and wjatever other shit he complains about #I'm stuck with the kid for days snd even my days of are hakf days at best where i sleep a few extra hours and he spend the rest of my free #time around me or i do shit for the house #i just wann die #at this point i wanna die #and all the people I'd ask are too busy or i know that she wojt saty for longer than an hour with them #i screamrd at her to shut up cause i couldn't take it #i cant do this anymore #she spits out her stupid pacifiers and then cries about it not being in her mouth #i had to hold it with a little force so she would be able to suck on it and get back to sleep #i pass out while breastfeeding cause i am too exhausted #I'm gonna have to take care of all the new clothes that will arrive soon which will be an extra day of work and honestly i dont have a day #i barely have enough time for me #there sre says i dont eat so i make everyone else happy cause i just feel like i dont matter #now my brother needs help with resumes and i know nobody else will help him but he needs something soon or it will fuck up his life #my parents are getting older and it sometimes tests my patience that i have to baby their feelings again #and my sister's health is so bad i dont wanna ask her #also most of my friends are busy or sick themselves #well anyways gotta go clean and prepare everything for tomorrow

[toastsnaffler]

ohhhhh my god girl i don't careeeee

#love my roommate but urghhhh. sorry they dont make enough fictional female characters that interest u but u dont need to justify it to me #write your mlm its literally fine. sorry but ur not gonna gain my respect or approval by defending why u write more mlm than wlw #i dont care if u have equal amounts of each or not LOL we just have different tastes thats all there is to it #and I KNOOOOOOWWWW she writes femslash too im not denying that !!!!!! #most of my fav media is lesbian centric bc I have a strong connection to my identity as a dyke. so i gravitate towards things that explore- #that + complex relationships to gender + its social enforcement etcetc. and its easier for me to get attached to characters that i can- #connect with bc we have shared experiences or the world percieves us in similar ways or we percieve the world in similar ways etc #and shes said she DOESNT feel particularly attached to her sexuality in that way. so ofc shes not going to be looking for the same things- #in media and thats OKAY!! #literally have nothing against her writing gay men i like some fictional mlm relationships myself!! and its cool that she enjoys it #i just find it disappointing that we dont have much in common taste-wise bc thatd be more fun to talk abt #but thats why i come on tumblr dot com.. to talk abt fictional women w dykes who understand them like i do amen #and im happy to listen to her talk abt things she likes and projects shes clearly enjoying working on like thats awesome love to hear it #but sometimes its like shes trying to persuade me abt smth but theres nothing to persuade. i dont knooooow #like ik shes not trying to get me into her interests she already has plenty of friends who are. but theres no approval to win from me??? #i think im just annoyed bc i feel like i cant rly talk abt the things im into w her bc she disliked them so much #and also annoying to be around someone who shares an identity w me but is clearly more uncomfortable w it than i am #maybe thats not even true actually the real reason im annoyed is bc ive had a long and exhausting week and im coming down from- #my first day on new meds and im soooo so so tired have i sajd that already. and my head hurts #and i want a fucking hug and im just projecting my lack of physical and emotional intimacy onto her bc she happens to be the person i- #spend the most time with. but thats really unfair of me its not her fault or obligation at all. ah i just want to shower and sleeeepp #and tomorrow day 2 of meds im gonna get so much shit done!!!!!!!! i hope.. i wanna finish drafting my comic too teehee #wouldnt it be so crazy if now im medicated i might actually be able to start and finish projects i reallyyyy want to do.. #well i wont get my hopes up yet #anyway........ #another day another 5 million tag rambling post complaining abt everything. and dont expect me to ever stop 😚 #.diaries #literally why would i care abt the tastes of a girl whose fave character in tlt was naberius........ #she rly had to pick one of the ONLY men and not even one of the particularly interesting ones. and shes not even straight???? her loss 🙄

[nereidprinc3ss]

light of the morning

in which spencer sneaks into bau!reader's hotel room and they share a little more than just the bed

18+ (smut) warnings/tags: softdom!spence x sub reader, munch!spence, unprotected piv sex (dont do that), creampie (hate that word btw) praise, mentions of having to be quiet because morgan is right next door LOL, fluffy, established co-workers/friends with benefits, soooo idiots in love a/n: here is the promised smut. i am literally kicking my feet and twirling my hair and giggling and blushing at my own writing. I'm gonna have a freak out. requests are open like my legs

It’s late when the knock finally comes. Late enough that you’re dozing on the bed above the covers. 

It takes you a moment to reorient yourself—you’re rubbing your heavy eyes when you finally get the door. 

"Hi."

"Hey," says Spencer, hands awkwardly shoved into his pajama pants pockets. It’s funny, really. He never gets any better at this. 

You step aside and he enters the room, looking around as you close and relock the door. 

"Did I wake you?"

"How could you tell?"

"You’re in pajamas. And you look tired. I mean—you don’t look bad. You never look bad, I just meant… you don’t look tired but you’re not—I didn’t mean to—"

"Relax," you yawn, putting him out of his misery. "I was joking. I know I look tired." You glance at the digital clock on the nightstand. "It’s late. We have to be up early tomorrow."

"Yeah, I got, uh, sidetracked. Sorry."

He was reading. If it was anyone else, you'd be offended--but a sinkhole could open up under Spencer's feet and he probably wouldn't notice if he was absorbed in a book.

You shrug, a knowing smile lifting the corner of your mouth. 

"It’s fine. But I don’t know if tonight is a good night. I really am exhausted."

His eyebrows dart up. 

"That’s fine. That’s totally fine. I’ll just, uh—"

When you don’t move from in front of the door, he pauses, unsure. You bite the inside of your cheek, studying his rangy frame and choice of clothing. Blue pajama pants, slippers, grey CalTech zip up hoodie. It feels wrong to describe a 6'1 man as adorable, but that’s how he looks in his sleep clothes. There’s a very real chance, you find yourself thinking, that you are the only member of the BAU to ever see him in something other than slacks and a button-down. He looks so cozy that you kind of really want him in your bed even if he’s not doing anything but sleeping. The invitation slips out before you can think too hard about it. 

"You could… stay, anyway, if you want?"

His mouth parts slightly, and those eyebrows raise again. There’s a moment of awkward silence and you are very much beginning to regret your offer, wondering if you somehow violated the sanctity of your co-workers/friends with benefits situtationship. Clumsily you try to backtrack. 

"Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, you can—"

"No, no! You didn’t, I just don’t want you to feel obligated to invite me to stay in your room. I’m right across the hall, I can go back if you want me to."

You smile awkwardly, silent relief replacing the brief anxiety. 

"It’s fine. It’s not like we haven’t shared a bed before." And not like you wouldn’t have ended up doing it tonight anyway, if things had gone as originally intended.

He chuckles, looking to the floor and nodding. The blush on his face does not go unnoticed by you. "Fair enough."

It’s incredibly endearing how nervous he still gets after six months of this little arrangement. 

"Do you wanna get your stuff, or…"

"No, that’s okay. I’ll just go back early tomorrow. The chances of someone seeing me leave your room are significantly higher if I do it so soon after entering."

You squint, unable to tell if he’s fucking with you or if that’s an actual statistically sound probability. And then you realize, blissfully, that you don’t really care. 

"Okay, well. Make yourself comfortable. I’m just going to brush my teeth."

Once you’re enclosed in the bathroom, hotel vanity lights blinding you as you brush, you find that there is a jittery sort of apprehension buzzing in your chest. But that’s silly. As you yourself pointed out, the two of you have shared a bed many times over the past few months. But the sleeping together is always a byproduct of the sleeping together. Never have you shared a bed in a completely decent, virtuous, strictly non-sexual manner. It’s always been a matter of convenience—less bother if he doesn’t have to worry about sneaking back into his room in the middle of the night when you’re both exhausted. Or maybe that’s just what you’ve been telling yourselves. 

You rinse your mouth out and exit the bathroom, flicking off the light and finding that Spencer has indeed made himself comfortable. The hotel room is dark and he’s already under the covers, fiddling with his phone. 

"What time should I set the alarm for?" He asks, looking over at you as you crawl into bed, drawing the covers over yourself. "I was thinking 6:23. That should give me enough time to—"

"Sounds perfect," you affirm, wiggling under the blanket as you get comfortable. He schedules the alarm and sets his phone on the bedside table, dousing the room in complete darkness. Your eyes stay open despite, waiting for them to adjust. A few moments of utter silence and stillness pass, and you can tell Spencer is completely stiff next to you. 

"Spencer."

“Yeah,” he answers immediately. Like he’s even more wired about this whole situation than you are. 

"You know you don’t have to avoid touching me at all costs, right? I’m not a leper."

He looses a nervous laugh. 

"I know. We’ve just never really done this."

You frown at the darkness.

"We’ve definitely slept in the same bed before."

"Yeah, but… this feels different."

That, you can’t argue with. Can friends with benefits share a bed just to be near each other? Does that blur some line? And why does it feel more intimate than the sex? 

Screw it. If there is one thing you don’t want your relationship with Spencer to be, it is uncomfortable. Uncertain, you can work with. But not uncomfortable. You reach for him, hand sliding under the duvet—and find his hand already waiting for yours. 

"I don’t think it’s that different," you lie, interlacing your fingers together slowly. 

"Prolonged physical non-sexual contact does have measurable health benefits…" the words are murmured, like the moment is fragile and he doesn’t want to shatter it. 

"Can’t argue with the facts," you breathe, trying to modulate the shakiness of your voice. But you have a feeling you’re doing about as good of a job at concealing your nerves as he is. He shifts.

"Can I…"

"Yeah."

Your heart is pounding as he slips one arm under your neck and the other around your waist, pulling you close. Instinctually you curl into him, slinging your top leg over him as you’ve done before, but always dismissed as post-sex brain chemicals making you feel all warm and fuzzy. A neurological reaction that is so solidly scientific, neither of you ever questioned it. But it feels bigger now. 

He exhales as you settle against each other—a sound of relief that mirrors your own. He’s so warm, so safe as he envelops you, physically and sensorially. In such close proximity, so clear-headed, you notice each layer of his scent. Toothpaste, lavender, vetiver, detergent. You sort of feel like a creep, but you can’t deny how comforting it is. Nor can you deny the pirouette your heart does when he begins minutely rubbing your back, like he’s not even thinking about it. 

"Goodnight," you whisper into his shirt. 

"Goodnight," he whispers back. 

You fall asleep pretty quickly after that. 

------------------------------

It’s unclear what wakes you up—maybe it’s the blue-grey dawn light filtering in through the filthy window (doubtful, it’s still mostly dark) or maybe it’s the blinking green digital clock on the nightstand. 5:02 AM. Your alarm will go off in an hour and 21 minutes.

Sometime in the night you shifted, turning over in your sleep, but Spencer is still holding you close. The arm slung so casually over your waist is slightly domineering, but you manage to rotate again and face him once more. Mere inches away from his face you can see every detail. His expression is so peaceful, it makes your heart ache. 

But you’re just friends. 

Perhaps he felt you moving, because his eyes flutter open and you watch as they flood with consciousness. He takes you in, takes in his arm over your waist. For a split second you’re nervous he’ll pull away. 

"What time is it?" His voice is scratchy with sleep. 

"Five."

"Why are you awake? We have over an hour til the alarm goes off."

"Sometimes waking up early is okay."

His eyes flicker between your own, and momentarily you’re paralyzed as you realize this is a limbo state for the two of you in which you’ve never operated. You don’t know what’s acceptable. You don’t know what to do. Being close to him feels so good, that the idea of separating hurts. But you don’t want to make him uncomfortable, or—

He leans forward and kisses you softly. In the blue light of dawn, rather than frenzied and hidden in the dark, a desperate tear of clothes and teeth and hands—it’s almost freeing. All the anxiety you were feeling just seconds ago begins to melt. 

Friends. 

"You looked anxious," is his whispered answer after he pulls away a moment later, like a kiss is the simplest remedy in the world. He brushes a lock of hair behind your ear. "We should go back to sleep."

"I don’t want to go back to sleep."

The corner of his mouth twitches as he studies you.  

"No? What do you want?"

Emboldened by your mutual indiscretion, it’s your turn to kiss him. You feel him smile against your lips, hand finding the back of your neck and raking up through your hair to pull you closer. 

The delirium of sleep seems to have softened you, filed down the rough edges of your boundaries and kicked away the lines in the sand. What’s a kiss or two when you’ve just woken up? A small, innocuous display of affection while you’re still barely conscious. Nobody could fault either of you for that. People don’t think clearly when they’ve just been asleep.

So what if your lips part against his, and his other hand finds its way under your shirt to stroke the bare skin of your waist and hips? So what if you hitch that leg over him again and press closer?

Spencer breaks the kiss, still ghosting over your lips. 

"I thought it wasn’t a good night?"

"It’s not night time anymore, is it, genius?"

You sneak another kiss, nipping his bottom lip gently as you pull away. 

Instead of whatever array of responses you were expecting, Spencer smiles slightly, eyes almost sparkling in the faint light. The hand on your hip moves to your face, gently thumbing across your cheek. He begins to say something, and stops himself—biting his lip to hold back the words. 

"What?" you ask, heart dropping. Illusion fracturing. 

"I was just—" he begins, pausing for a moment before the words all come out in a rush. "I was just going to tell you how beautiful you are, but I don’t know if that’s something I should say, or if it would feel too… I don’t know…"

He trails off. A rare instance in which he doesn’t have the words. 

You do. Intimate. Real. Romantic. And he’s right, it does feel too much like all of those things. But that doesn’t mean you don’t like it, perhaps more than is strictly good for you. 

"It’s fine. Thank you."

He continues chewing on his lip for a moment. 

"Did I just ruin the mood?"

"No," you laugh, "not at all."

"Thank god," he sighs, surging forward again. 

"Since when do you thank god?" You manage between kisses. 

He moves to press his lips to your jaw and down your neck. 

"Do you want me to talk about the historical and cultural transition of religious expressions into ubiquitous secular colloquialisms right now?"

"Kind of," you breathe.

"No you don’t," he murmurs against your neck as his hands find the hem of your shirt. "You want me to take your clothes off."

Well, he’s not wrong there. 

You help him tug the shirt over your head before leaning back into the pillows as he situates himself over you and lavishes more kisses down your neck and collarbones, pausing to suck a mark only when he knows it’s low enough to be covered by your clothing later. 

You gasp when his lips brush over your nipple, before running his tongue over the sensitive skin. He glances up at you, and though his mouth is occupied, you can see the humor in his eyes. He loves how sensitive you are—how easy it is to get a reaction out of you. 

Of course, you continue to prove him right when he takes the other into his mouth, trying to hold back your little whimpers as he darts his tongue over the peak. Maybe somebody else wouldn’t hear them, but Spencer does. He’s hyper attuned to the sounds you make. Something of a catalogue has begun to form in the back of his mind; he knows exactly what each noise means and how to get them out of you. 

Once satisfied, he moves to press a kiss to your sternum. 

"You’re gonna be quiet for me, right?" Another kiss above your bellybutton. "Because Morgan is sleeping right on the other side of that wall, and we don’t want to wake him up."

"I’ll be quiet," you promise, somewhat breathlessly. Spencer’s mouth trails lower until he’s pulling your shorts down your legs, leaving you completely naked. He tosses them somewhere on the floor and hooks your legs over his shoulders. 

"Good." He plants one last kiss to your thigh and the next one lands right between your legs. 

You regret the need to be silent almost as soon as he drags his tongue over your clit. It’s not like the two of you have ever had the privilege of making a lot of noise, as the hotel rooms are always so close to each other, but it doesn’t make it any easier. 

Instead you opt to rake your hands through his hair and try to take deep breaths. But he knows exactly what you like—he knows starting light and slow, teasing around your most sensitive spot will work you up to the brink of insanity, just like he knows gentle circles make your back arch and elicit the prettiest little moans. 

"More," you beg, and the hands wrapped around your thighs rub soothingly, reassuring you that if you can just be patient you’ll get what you want. 

He takes your aching clit into his mouth, sucking lightly and you’re forced to clap a hand over your mouth, muffling the sob of pleasure you can’t hold back. Spencer keeps it up until you’re practically riding his face, teasing your dripping entrance with the tip of his tongue when you get too close. 

"Fuck, please, Spence," you whisper through your fingers, hips rutting in your desperation. Somehow it always ends up like this—with him in charge and you begging. Not that you have a problem with it, of course. 

He hums into you, and if the way his tongue moves back to circling your clit with newfound fervor is any indication, is apparently satisfied with your entreaty. 

You gasp and try to control your breathy moans, but his mouth feels so good on you that your vision is going out and you’re losing touch with reality ever so slightly. You use the last of your brain power to bite down on the back of your wrist, hoping it adequately muffles the noises you make as you come on Spencer’s tongue and he greedily continues lapping at you. There’s really no way of knowing—your ears are ringing anyway. 

When you come to a moment later he’s peppering kisses on your thighs, rubbing your hips gently. 

"So pretty," he murmurs, climbing back up so your lips can meet again. "Everything about you is pretty."

You paw at his shirt, signaling that you want it off as you moan at the taste of yourself on his tongue, feel your slippery arousal staining the kiss. Spencer helps you, sitting up briefly to unzip his hoodie and pull off his shirt. 

You’re the one to drag him back down, and you notice that he pulls the covers back over the both of you in a sweet gesture he probably didn’t even think about. 

"Need you to fuck me," you beg, reaching down to try and undress him further. 

"So crude. What happened to my nice, sweet girl?" He mumbles against your neck, but helps you with his pants anyway. 

"You must have me confused with someone else."

"Doubtful."

You don’t have much time to consider what that could mean before he’s running the head of his cock over your clit and you’re gasping into his mouth, saying please like it’s the only word you know. 

"There she is," Spencer croons, slipping inside you slow enough for you to feel every inch but quick enough for it to expel all the air from your lungs. Once he’s opened you all the way up, impossibly deep and close, you’re seeing stars, barely breathing. His head has dropped to your shoulder but now he drags his lips up your neck and jaw. "We okay?"

It’s been a while, you realize, since that last case in Maine. He always takes some getting used to. Hardly able to think around the pressure of his cock you nod, trying to string together a few words. 

"Fuck, I need a second." The words come out choked, but you manage. Spencer rubs your hip, his lips brushing yours as he speaks. 

"Relax, sweetheart. I don’t want to hurt you."

He curses to himself, dropping his head momentarily. You’re so fucking soft, and warm, and perfect, he can’t think straight. But he has to try because he has to take care of you. 

"Spence," you gasp, failing to verbally communicate the intensity of the physical sensation. 

"I know, baby," comes his sympathetic coo. "You know you can take me. Deep breaths."

"Mhm," you squeak, trying to take follow his directions and soften your muscles. Spencer keeps rubbing soothingly over your hips, stomach, whatever he can get his hands on, really, pressing kisses all over your face and telling you how good you are, how perfect you feel for him. After a few moments he feels you fluttering around him and experimentally pulls out halfway, before pushing back in equally as slowly. Your jaw drops as he begins to leisurely fuck you, arms wrapping around his back. He gets deeper than you expect every time, rubbing you raw and stretching you out in the most delicious way. 

"Perfect, baby. Such a good listener, did exactly what I asked."

You cry out when he begins fucking you impossibly deeper, but still so slow and sweet.

"You feel so fucking good for me," he groans. "This is what you were made for, huh?" You agree enthusiastically, eyes fluttering shut. 

"Only for you."

Just three words—but he wasn’t expecting to like hearing you say that as much as he does. A strong desire to possess you overtakes him—one that he’ll probably have the decency to feel guilty about later, but for now feels fucking fantastic and intoxicating. 

"Only me?"

You moan an affirmation. 

"Good. I don’t want anyone else fucking you, do you understand me?"

"Yes!"

"I’m the only one who gets to touch you," he breathes, speeding up ever so slightly, "nobody else is going to feel you like this. Such a good girl, spreading her legs for me at five in the fucking morning. You’re not doing this for anybody else, baby."

"Uh-uh, please, pleasepleaseplease Spence—"

He knows what you need, reaching a hand down between your bodies to rub your clit. 

You gasp an airy, high pitched curse, hips twitching but unable to escape the near-punishing rhythm of his own. It’s obvious that your orgasm is close, but you can’t even warn him, too overwhelmed with pleasure. He kisses you, swallowing your moans that have probably become just a bit too loud given the whole hotel thing. 

No words are exchanged between the two of you as you near the finish line for a change, open mouths slipping against each others in what is too messy to be called a kiss. Your orgasm body-slams you, a choked silent scream as you tighten around Spencer and he seems to come at nearly the exact same moment—deep inside you, slowly rolling his hips in a few more strong thrusts as he finishes. 

You let out a delayed moan at the sensation of being filled up, still pulsing around him as he comes to a halt, buried inside of you. He drops his head to your neck, and you can feel each breath against your flushed skin. Other than the panting, you’re both silent for a while. Spencer seems to gather himself sooner than you do, finally breaking the quiet. 

"You okay?"

All you can manage is a little squeak, at which he looses a breathy chuckle. His hand slides to your hip, gently stroking the skin with a thumb. 

"Need your words, angel girl."

"I’m okay," you coo into his shoulder, but he has to strain to hear it above his own breathing. 

"Yeah? Why so quiet?"

But it seems that at least for the moment, he’s gotten all the words he can out of you. When he tries to move, you whimper indignantly, clutching onto him tighter. 

"I really did a number on you this time, huh?" He laughs when you nod into him. "Are you falling asleep?"

"Mhm," you hum dreamily, little puffs of warm air slowing against his neck. 

"You can have…" he cranes his head to check the digital clock, "48 minutes."

"An hour."

He settles his weight on you once more, pressing a chaste kiss to your throat. His voice is low and gentle as he admonishes you. 

"I said 48 minutes."

But it doesn’t matter—you’re already asleep, or close enough to it. Spencer takes the opportunity to shift you to your side, and the way you wrap around him like a vine even unconsciously makes his heart ache. He really should go now—the earlier he gets out of your room the less likely certain complications will arise—but how can he possibly leave you like this? A vulnerable, dreamy girl with tangled hair haloing around her on the pillow case, clinging to him with blind trust that he’ll watch over her as she sleeps? No—there’s no way he’s leaving yet. Instead, he brings you closer. 48 perfect minutes will go by far too quickly, he’s sure. 

#criminal minds #spencer reid #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid fic #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x self insert #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #spencer reid smut #criminal minds smut

[adventuringblind]

Entitled To You (3.6K words)

Norstaptri x Reader

Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort

Summary: An incident with Lance sends the boys into a frenzy. She just wants to do what she loves.

Warnings: Explicit depictions of r@pe, injury descriptions, panic attacks, Oscar plots a murder, Lando throws hands, Car crashes, Author doesn't know legal stuff, Head trauma and blood.

Notes: This one is a request from @Lily234566 I know this wasn't the original pairing but I was struggling to fit the Ferrari boys in there so I had to scale it back... I'm sorry and I hope you still like it! T_T

Side Note: Sorry to the Lance girlies reading this. AND obligatory message of I don't know these people and this is purely FICTION! HEAD THE TAGS! DONT LIKE THEN DONT READ!

Masterlist // Request Form // My Website // buy me a Ko-Fi

“Max!” She peeks her head into his driver's room. The bright beaming smile she receives in return after their 1-2 nearly kills her. “They want me for a media thing, apparently.” HIs smile drops into a pout. The sad puppy eyes might convince her to stay. 

“Again? Don’t they know we have plans!

“No, and why would they care anyway?” She looks him up and down and whines because he’s standing in front of her with no shirt on. “Just - I’ll meet you guys back at the room. It’s something to do with being a female in F1… again.”

“I’m starting to think they have nothing else to talk about.” 

She shrugs as she walks out of the hospitality, waving to Christian on her way by. The goal is to get past the Mclaren garage without seeing Lando because otherwise she is not going to the interview. His pout is worse (better?) than Max’s. 

To her pleasant surprise, Laura is the one conducting the interview. “I’m sorry about this being last minute! They said they wanted you to do it with someone else next week and I offered to do it now.” 

The interview passes with ease and thankfully doesn’t take long at all. The banter in-between is also entertaining. 

She’s exhausted when they finish. Ready to go back to the hotel and fall into bed with her boys. Hopefully They’ve ordered food - and dessert. 

The paddock is nearly empty as she makes her way through. Maybe, had she been paying more attention and not focussed on her aching body, she would’ve caught on to the footsteps behind her. 

They are heavy, she assumes possibly a mechanic still packing up to continue on their way to the next circuit. That’s what she still thinks when the hand on her bicep yanks her around the corner. 

If she weren’t as exhausted, then fighting would’ve been a possibility. However, that seems out of the cards as he pins her against the nearest wall. Her forehead hitting the surface hard enough to make her dizzy. 

“Not so confident now, huh?” 

The fuck- “Lance? What are you?-” He slams her head again and cages her body against his own. She flails, only to be slammed again. “Would you stop doing that please?” 

“Not after that stupid stunt you pulled today on track.”

“You mean the one where you showed you don’t know what brakes are?-” Again, her head is sent into the hard surface. She can feel her nose starting to bleed. “Must you?!” She decided to shut up when he does it again and everything starts to go fuzzy. 

His fingers dip beneath the waistband of her fireproofs. The cold evening air hits her bare skin and she panics more than before. Her head is too cloudy to fully comprehend what’s happening. 

“I feel like I'm entitled to a bit of compensation after that stunt.” 

“You’re entitled to nothing. You took yourself out!” She hisses through gritted teeth. Still, Lance continues to get her clothes lower. And slams her head again harder - you know - because she wasn’t disoriented enough already.

“Would you shut up?” She doesn’t say anything this time. Her mouth feels numb and her ears are ringing. Her exposed lower half is met with the bare hands of someone she doesn't want touching her. 

It's - well - it hurts. He's groping at her thighs, ass, even her tits which she isn't sure how he's managing. His hands are everywhere they shouldn't be. 

And then nothing. 

A vague awareness of what's happening seeps through her veins and invades her senses. She tries to scream. Attempts despite the sheer pain of the snap of hips she didn't ask for. 

His finger beat her to it. A hand encloses around her throat and cuts off her oxygen. The black spots dance around her vision. She wants them to stop moving; they are making her dizzy. Or was she already dizzy? 

“See, it's not so bad. Don't you feel less guilty for ruining my race now?” No, she doesn't. She wasn't guilty before. 

She blacks out. 

~~~♡~~~

Waking up with sore limbs and a killer headache is not how she pictured this night going. She tries to yell for help, but a mere creaky rasp escapes. 

When did she lose her voice? The thought makes her panic more. The sob she lets out hurts more than there is sound. 

Her face and hair is sticky. At least Lance had done her the courtesy of not finishing inside of her. 

Still - what the fuck even happened? The fragmented memory is trying to come back to her slowly. Each small piece remembered is another broken cry. 

She can't move. 

It's dark again. 

~~~♡~~~

The anxiety between the three boys is certainly not something they are used to. Oscar can pinpoint the exact moment Lando started overthinking and Max had to bear hug him so he didn't pace a hole into the cement of the parking lot. 

The fourth seat in their car remains empty and their messages have gone unanswered. It's getting more concerning with each passing minute. 

“Max, she always responds.” 

“I know Lando.” 

“She always calls if she's going to be longer.” 

“Lando?”

“Yes?”

“Would you feel better if we went and looked around for her?” 

The Brit nods his head in a fashion that might give him whiplash. It's better seeing him feel helpful then sit helplessly. Though Oscar can't help but agree with Max's original point. that they should wait there at the car just in case since that's where they were supposed to meet. 

Granted, it's only been twenty minutes. It's still long enough to be murdered. 

They Methodically peer around corners and wave at the mechanics who give them skeptical looks. They were supposed to be out for post race celebrations by now. 

Oscar freezes when he sees it. The human shaped lump lying on the ground. He rushes over with long strides. The closer he gets, the more familiar the person on the ground becomes. 

“Max! Lando! I found her!” The other two boys come sprinting in his direction. He's on the ground trying to clear her hair from her face only for it to get stuck in the sticky substance coating her features. 

“What the fuck?” 

Her fireproofs are still on, but it's obvious what happened. The handprints on her neck, the blood trickling down the sides of her face. “We need to bring her to a hospital.” 

Max hoists her up in his arms. Mainly because Lando is on the brink of tears and struggling to breathe through his panic. He loves deeply and with his heart on his sleeve. Oscar just hopes he can keep the Brit calm until they find more help. 

“Can we at least clean her up?” Lando pleads with him. Big Hazel eyes brimming with tears. 

It's always a struggle to tell him no. “We can't, not if it can help us figure out who did it.” The tears start right after that. 

“So that’s what happened then? Someone really-” Oscar has to maneuver the puddle of tears that is his boyfriend into the passenger seat of their rental car. Max tosses him the keys, opting to be with her in the back and keep her comfortable. 

The tricky drive to emergency is more because Oscar is too far in his own thoughts to pay attention to the traffic lights. He can hear Max moving her around, attempting to put pressure where blood still flows freely. 

Oscar doesn’t bother with parking. He pulls off into some empty area and helps Max shoulder her weight inside the doors while Lando runs ahead to find help. 

It’s fast after that. They take her away and start patching her up while the three of them are forced to sit in the waiting room. Oscar and Lando are left to their own devices while Max paces about on the phone with Christian. 

He feels like a knife is being driven through his chest each time his mind tries to come up with what could’ve happened. Who would do something like this? Unfortunately, a lot of people. The question is more of who could’ve done it and gotten away. Someone with access to the paddock this late. Security, perhaps? Maybe even a sleazy mechanic? A driver wouldn’t make any sense… right?

“When will they let us see her?”

“When she wakes up, most likely.”

He’s not sure when he falls asleep. The exhaustion finally hit him like a truck despite his persistence. He’s awoken by Max’s constant shaking and aggressive whispering of his name. 

“-She’s asking for us.” 

He’s up faster than Lando when Jon threatens an ice bath. They follow the nurse down the halls with an uneasy anticipation. They creep inside the sterile room and find her staring at the wall. 

Lando doesn’t hesitate to move further into the room. Always having been more in touch with his emotions then the other two boys. “Hey love, can I come closer?” 

She looks at him. The bandages plastered over the sides of her head and around her face now visible to them. She returns Lando’s gaze with glassy eyes. It’s damn near shocking when she tries to pull things off her body in a desperate attempt to reach for Lando. 

Lando gets to her before she can get everything off, specifically the IV, and catch her arms. Oscar and Max finally pull themselves together and manage to get her to lay back down with some coaxing. 

She’s shaking violently. Her grip on Lando’s arm is sure to leave bruises. “Who - who f-found me?”  

“We did, schat. We got worried when you didn’t respond.” Max drags the two chairs in the room closer and pulls Oscar down into one.  Lando, against all odds, manages to wriggle his way into bed with her. 

“I know who it was. I - well - does anyone else know?” 

“Just Christian and us.” Oscar can feel the fight Max is putting up to not ask her more questions. The way he’s grounding himself with a hand on Oscars knee instead. 

“You don’t have to tell us.” He attempts to reassure. Maybe calm her mind by giving her an option. “Just know we’re here, alright?” 

“I don’t want it to be a big story. It’s already going to be since I can’t be in the car for the next four weeks. Oh fuck - everyone is gonna know-” Lando hushes her; gets her to somehow hold him tighter.

“Christian said it’s up to you, whatever happens.” Max nods at her encouragingly. “We go at your pace.” 

“They did a rape kit. They’ll know who it is. It was all over so it couldn’t have been hard to get DNA - oh fuck” 

Her heart rate picks up. The nurses rush in. They send her back to sleep. 

~~~♡~~~

Max wants to know who it was who touched her. The rage simmering underneath her skin is almost too much to keep contained. 

On the more fortunate side, they were allowed to stay since she wouldn’t let go of Lando. Then when he did have to get up, they rotated. 

The doctors and nurses learned to approach her like she’s a scared animal. The heavy footsteps seem to set her off and there is now a sticky note on the door saying to tiptoe when entering. It’s endearing to see her doctors and nurses trying so hard not to startle her. But seeing as they’ve now had several incidents where she’s panicked, they are taking more caution. 

Oscar and Lando have meandered away in search of food. Max opted to stay put and made the promise to bring him back cheat foods. He’s too stressed to not eat something of comfort. 

Her physio is supposed to come by today with the stuff she left at the track and get an update from the doctors themselves instead of Max’s botched attempts at repeating back. It will also be nice to see her comfortable, as the one blanket that travels with her everywhere will also be dropped off. 

“Max?” He tightens his hold to show he’s listening. “It’s not fair… You, Lando, and Oscar make a mistake on track and nobody does that to you. I - It wasn’t my fault.” 

The thing is, Max is smarter than people give him credit for. The only incident on track was with Lance. An incident that was his own fault. “He’s at fault, not you. None of this is your fault.”

“They are going to say I was asking for it or something.” 

“In those fireproofs? The only ones asking for it are me and Oscar… for obvious reasons.” He chuckles proudly at his little self compliment. 

It also manages to get her to crack something of a half smile. “Are you complimenting your own ass?” 

“And what if I am?” 

She doesn’t eat anything despite it being sat in front of her. Soft foods are the only thing she’ll be eating. Her throat, albeit not as bad as it could've been (thank you F1), is still damaged and needs to rest as much as possible. 

They had to keep her for observation due to where the head wounds had been. It’s been a rough thirty-six hours, but they are managing.

Despite the hectic situation, Max has come to learn that the female lying in the hospital bed is a better person then the rest of them. Oscar was detailing a full proof murder plan while she was telling him not to make it a bigger deal then it is. To which Oscar politely put his ten step plan with four contingencies down and told her that it’s ‘what he had coming to him’. 

Max has not had to stop someone from assassinating a rival before, but Oscar seems like a reasonable guy. “Death is too good for him.” 

“Mm, you’re right, I’ll just make sure he doesn’t die then and can’t see my face.” 

“Or, we make his life a series of inconveniences! I feel like daddy’s money could get him good therapy. It can’t solve every minor problem.” Lando has a gleam in his eyes. 

Him and Oscar start pouring over ideas once more. The girl simply shakes her head and goes back to eyeing her pudding like it’s assaulted her. “I don’t want to leave here, Max.”

“Why not? I’d assume you want to go home? Sleep in a comfortable bed?”

“Out there, they can get to us. Here is safe.” 

He considers how to reassure her. Only, there is nothing he can think of. The truth is that outside of this hospital room, there is no guarantee they won’t run into trouble. 

“I can’t promise that we'll never have something bad happen again. But-” He looks to the McLaren duo brainstorming ways to make the Aston Martin garage regret existing. “We’ll be there for each other. We’re here for you. When you want us and when you need us, yes?” 

“Pinky swear?” She extends her pink to him. 

Max accepts and curls his pinks around hers. “Pinky swear.” 

~~~♡~~~

It’s not fair really, that they had to leave to go do things. Lando would prefer he at least stayed with her so she isn’t alone. Alas, they are preparing for her discharge and he had to run around getting things together for their trip back to Monaco.

He comes back to a partially opened door and smiles at the other two boys being able to get back before him. Then again, as he gets closer he can hear the angry tone. One that Max uses when he’s pissed off about something. 

Lando panics and rushes inside. Only to be met with the sight of the last person he wants around right now. 

Now - he wouldn’t say he’s prone to violence. Lando prefers to keep the peace when it comes to conflict unless he’s trying to piss someone off on purpose to get a reaction. This is not one of those times. 

Lando’s knuckles collide with the Canadian’s jaw faster than he can fully become aware of what he’s doing. Lance stumbles backward and holds his jaw, glaring at Lando like he’s the one in the wrong here. 

“Get out!” 

“We were just talking-” 

“I said. Get. Out.” He’s seething. The thudding in his chest becoming louder with each second Lance remains in this room. 

He’s not prone to violence. 

Really, he’s not. 

Yet the second crack of knuckles into Lance's chin gives him some sick satisfaction. Isn’t there something about equilibrium? Can he pin this on restoring the balance or something? Regardless, he isn’t going to dent the fact that it feels good. 

The nurses come running and start asking questions. Max and Oscar have to drag Lando away kicking and screaming. 

Worse is when they try to tell him that there are pictures out on social media. Christian has been calling Max non-stop. Oscar has been dealing with Zak. Their relationship isn’t a secret and neither is their current location.  

“They're sending us a different car to see if we can’t get out discreetly.” 

“What happened with Lance, Lan? Are you alright?”

Everyone is panting. Their eyes trained on the door. “I punched him. I restored the equal-brey-um… thing.” 

“Equilibrium.” 

“Yeah that!” 

He’s not sure how they get on the plane. He’s still amped up about the whole punching thing and running purely off adrenaline. 

They’ve been sitting in silence, mulling over their options. Creating statements they can put out. It’s hectic and they keep trashing them because nothing fits. 

The female has been apathetic. The last thing she wanted was for this to get out and now it has. Seemingly everything is flashing before her eyes. Her career will be gone soon enough, so what’s even the point? 

“Don’t post anything. We don’t have an obligation to confirm or deny the rumors. If anything, we can say that you were just driving me to the hospital and being good friends or whatever.” She won’t look at them. Still - Lando can hear how upset she is, the waiver in her voice. “I’m going to be kicked out anyway.” 

“Christian said-”

“Damn what Christian said! He knows this isn’t going to get any better and if I say who it was then Daddy’s Money is just going to pay his way through.” She's hyperventilating now. Her body collapses against her seat and Oscar makes an effort to get her to lean against him. “It’s not fair!”

lando Can’t help but share her feelings.

~~~♡~~~

She stays holed up in the Redbull garage the next weekend. The appearance is hard, people want to ask her questions. Her boys had been caught in the middle of the riptide and haven’t come back to shore yet. 

At least she’s here. She’s trying her hardest to look stronger than she is. On the inside things are falling apart. 

The team knows to give her space and not ask about the ordeal. She takes refuge in Max’s room when things are too much and the other drivers keep their distance. 

They know it was one of them. She’d been adamant on not saying who it was, but it’s obvious there are sixteen who it could have been, given her partners insistence that none of them go near her garage for the time being.  

She just wants this whole thing to blow over. She wants to lay in bed with her lovers and not flinch when they go to touch her. 

She knows, however, that until she deals with things that healing can’t happen like it should. Or at least, that’s what her therapist says. The one she is now required to see. 

Things get worse when she’s back in the car. Her media duties are limited so she can focus on driving and ‘listening to her body’ as her physio likes to say. 

She can’t hear her body over the sound of her mind going staticy as Lance closes in on her. The catalyst for everything. She panics and ends up in the wall. Not the worst crash ever, but certainly hurts her pride more than it has already.

The thing is, it keeps happening. Even as she’s able to let her boys back in. As her podium finishes start to come back. Her fireproofs (which they’d gotten her all new ones) start to feel comfortable again and she doesn’t feel the need to be out of them the second the race is done. Still, Lance is using this to his advantage. 

Finally, after he almost killed her on track (again), she’s had enough.

The trial goes better than she thought it would. Despite the money differences, Lance won’t be able to race anymore. It’s not some grand spectacle either, just an announcement like usual. It’s more the closure she needed versus the publicized drama it could have been. 

She wins the next race. 

“If I ever see him again, it will be too soon.” 

“It’s been over a year now, Lan. I’m getting better.” There is a genuine smile on her face. The car awaits to take them back to the hotel. It was here that it happened. She almost considered not racing because of it.

“Lando got a taste of blood and now he’s feinding for it.” Max has a comforting hand around her waist. A grounding presence. 

“I mean, I never threw away my murder plot…” 

“You’re a genius Oscar!”

She shakes her head. It’s not like any of this has been easy. It never is. Still - her boys are here and they’ve been so patient. 

“There’s her smile.” They all beam at her. 

She smiles back.

#x reader #formula 1 #f1 fic #f1 fanfic #fanficion #max verstappen #lando norris #oscar piastri f1 #oscar piastri x reader #max verstappen x reader #max verstappen imagine #max verstappen x you #max verstappen f1 #max verstappen fanfic #max verstappen x lando norris #lando norris imagine #landoscar #lando norris x reader #ln4 #lando norris fanfic #lando norris x you #lando norris x y/n #lando norris x oscar piastri #oscar piastri #oscar piastri imagine #oscar piastri fanfic #oscar piastri x you #op81 fic #mv1 #mv33 x reader

[snowyquokka]

DRAINED

bf felix x gn reader

cw: hurt/comfort, angst, mentions of anxiety, stress, crying, fluff (maybe?), swearing, overworked felix, shitty grammar

wc: 0.6k

a.n - my first attempt at hurt/comfort. did i do well? <3

dont hate me but i think i prefer writing angst rather than anything else

✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧

Felix sighs and all but throws himself on top of you as you sit on the couch. “Hi, baby.” you giggle as he nuzzles his face into your neck.

“What’s the matter, Sunshine?” you say as you run your fingers through his soft blonde hair.

“Exhausted, overwhelmed, sad,” he lists against your neck. You always feel bad when he comes home from the studio or after he’s toured. Your boyfriend is constantly tiring himself, working as hard as he possibly can. You wish he would take care of himself once in a while. Felix says that’s what you’re for anyways.

You press a kiss to his temple and hum.

“Why are you sad, love?” He sighs and snuggles closer to you.

“I kept fucking up my part. Redid it five times.” you can feel him pout. Another example of him pushing himself to his limits is when he frustrates himself to the point where nothing satisfies him. He could go hours with many fantastic takes but will insist on retrying it until it’s absolutely perfect.

“I’m sure you did amazing,” Felix squeezes you tighter and inhales deeply.

“‘m sorry,” he says, breaking the comfortable silence. You pull back enough to be able to see his face. He has no makeup on, his freckles on full display. Sometimes when you’re bored you’ll pretend like they’re constellations and connect them in your head.

“Sorry for what, Lix?��

“For bothering you with this kinda stuff. It's not important and I don't want to worry you.” Your heart plummets down to the floor.

“Why wouldn’t it be important to me, love? If you’re upset, I’m upset. Your problems are mine.” you kiss his forehead softly. Felix shifts in your arms so he’s at eye level.

You hold his hands while you watch a single tear stream down his cheek. He immediately wipes it away and displays a small, but not reassuring, smile.

“Thank you,” he sniffles and leans his forehead against yours.

“Of course, Sunshine. I’m always going to be here.”

TWO DAYS LATER

You’re sitting in bed watching a random movie when your phone dings.

my only sunshine <3: im gonna be a little late tonight

my only sunshine <3: im sorry. i love you ❤️

you: its okay baby. let me know when ur on ur way !! i love you too

You sigh and lock your phone. It’s not like you’re mad at him or anything of that sort. It’s just difficult watching him drain himself again and again. No matter what you say, he always goes back to overworking himself.

Tears that you hadn’t noticed were brimming fall down your cheeks. You turn everything off and close your eyes, inhaling Felix’s scent from the pillows.

You wake to the sound of the front door closing and glance at the alarm clock,

5:08am

Fuck. Is he just getting home?

You climb out of bed and wander into the living room where you find your boyfriend sitting with his face in his hands, he immediately notices you. He had turned the small lamp in the corner on, allowing you to take in his disheveled state.

His long blonde hair tousled from his fingers being ran through it. His eyes bloodshot from what seemed like hours of crying and lack of sleep. His hands shake and his leg bounces up and down in an anxious manner.

“Baby?” you whisper with worry laced in your voice prompting Felix’s body to almost automatically rack with sobs. You quickly pull him into you and wrap your arms around his figure, the only sound present in the room being both of your cries blended together.

tags: @godslino

divider: @chaeneuu

#snowyquokka #felix yongbok #skz #stray kids #skz imagines #skz scenarios #skz x reader #skz reader insert #skz reactions #felix x reader #skz felix #lee yongbok #stray kids felix #lee felix #skz angst #stray kids angst #lee felix angst #lee felix fic #skz fic #stray kids fic #hurt/comfort #skzstarnet

[miyaur]

pairings. blade x gn!reader

synopsis. nsfw alphabet w blade gg ez, a-n only becuz im l-l-lazy....

a - aftercare (what are they like after the deed?)

blud lowkey don't give a shit about you if you aren't that close, lmao

but if you are, probably kind of clingy, and really caring. a lot of cuddling, don't tell me i'm wrong cuz i'm NOT.

in some cases, and instances, those.. 'activities' you both have do make him quite exhausted, and most of the time it really just ends with him showering you, cleaning you up, and just being in his embrace (more utc.)

b - body part (their fave body part, of themselves, and their partner's!)

probably for himself; would be his hands. just in general, plus he knows how well they treat you anyway! so why wouldn't it be his favorite? and for you, probably loves everything, doesn't know what he'd do without it, can't decide on one sole favorite, maybe your stomach and probably your neck!

c - cum (cum, anything to do with it)

will cum on your face, if not, he'll come inside, nothing in between.

i dont know how to elaborate here but um, the way his cum be sprayed all over ur face is just so mmmm to him. makes him hard all over again!

d - dirty secret (self explanatory)

not rly dirty, but wants to see you get a necklace with his name on it, or a collar with his name on it, and while he pounds so recklessly, he wants to see that pretty little pendant of his bouncing up and down on your neck, very fond of the idea, but never would actually say it to you, unless you really push him enough.

e - experience (has bro done the deed before?)

maybe? not that experienced probably, but has messed around with somebody before yes!

he knows what he's doing though, don't worry. but overall probably just did it once or twice, barely can call it sex

he probably read about sex before doing it with you, cause he wanted it to go perfectly.

f - favorite position (self explanatory pt2)

just as long as he can see your face, missionary, cowgirl, let it be anything, just as long as he can see how your face just gets so corrupted because of his big cock.

g - goofy (is bro serious about sex?)

very serious, it's almost funny, but it isn't, he's dedicated, and will show it.

but maybe when you both get closer, and are able to be more intimate with each other, in relationship wise, and etc., sure he'll laugh once or twice about a mistake he's done.

h - hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

um, yes and no?? i don't really know, i can't rly tell, like maybe thrice a week sure, and the rest of the week he don't really care, it gets messy when you both fuck anyways. and yes, black hair, thats it, idk how to elaborate ab this LMAO

i - intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

gets too embarassed. no he will not show his blushing face, even if he's already inside, probably takes like, a round or two before he does

kind of like, he'd giggle about it and go okay bae

but also would be the kind of guy to go, "i want to be the only man, the only person, in this whole galaxy, this whole universe, to make you feel like this."

j - jack off (master bait :D)

yes, very often, no other choice, i cant say otherwise. likes to imagine its you on that monster ahh cock instead of his hand, be real, he the type to do that. uses imagination wisely, and does it when you're away from him, on a mission, or whatever, needs you 24/7 tho

k - kink/s

degrading you like it's his life's purpose. loves you like it's the calm life he's been looking for since forever, but will degrade you, calls you slut, whore, made for his cock, and all that jazz.

oh but facesitting; super big fan, wants to just be in you, tongue up in your hole, while he just strokes his cock, just needs you to sit on his face so bad

be so fucking honest w me, he probably turned on by the idea of getting pegged, or getting anal. won't admit it out loud, but he wants to get treated like a prince. like just wants you to make him feel so good, that's it.

l - location

doesn't give a fuck if other people hear, will fuck you in an alleyway if he feels like it, or if you feel like it, in the public bathroom <3 but just way prefers being in bed with you, feels more romantic, and gives off more feeling to the moment, in his own opinion, will do whatever you're comfortable with.

n - no no

roleplay, anything related to it, it seriously grosses him out

non con, in general, he's disgusted by it, i know that for a fact.

don't degrade him please, he's heard, and been called all kinds of names before, and it's not like he ever liked them.

don't hurt him, it's clear in his skill he does hurt himself in the process</3, im sure he seriously just wants to love you, and wants it back, his degrading is to a small extent, and it's just in the heat of the moment thing!

#hsr scenarios #hsr x you #hsr x reader #hsr smut #hsr blade #honkai star rail scenarios #honkai star rail x you #honkai star rail x reader smut #honkai star rail x reader #blade x you #blade hsr #blade x reader #honkai star rail smut

[witchykittyy]

Agreement 💖

@marcyyywukinnie asked: Hi could you make a fanfic Yandare Blitzo x reader x Yandare Stolas where they just fight about reader, before coming to terms that theyll share them??

I am soooooooo sorry about how late this is!!! I really am. Life's been really hectic and I went through a very depressive episode but I promise to be on top of stuff more often! I really hope you like it! ❤ Sorry if its not really enough fighting per say. 😅

TW: Demons, Hell, Blood, Arguing, Cursing (lots of it), Mentions of kidnapping, Stalking, and other yandere themes.

"Damn that was a fuck ton of clients!!!" Millie jumped up into Moxxie's arms pumped and covered in blood. "Yea it was and it was so fucking awesome! But I think imma head in for the night." You're the newest member of I.M.P. A few days ago you saw their help wanted poster and decided you needed the extra money so you decided to join. You got along really well with Moxxie, Millie and surprisingly Loona. The only person who doesn't seem to like you is Blitzo. He was always staring at you. Watching your every move like he's waiting for you to do something wrong. So you always tend to keep your distance.

"Yea I think me and Millie have had enough excitement for today as well. Goodbye sir! Goodbye Y/N!" "Bye Blizto! Bye N/N!" Moxxie and Millie wave goodbye as they leave. "Whatever, bye." Loona continues on reading her magazine. "Bye guys!" You wave goodbye to them sweetly. "Bye lovebirds! Don't get too kinky while I'm away!" You can almost hear Moxxie rolling his eyes at those words and you chuckle. Now its just you, Loona and... Blitzo. Though your back is turned you can feel his eyes burning into info our skin, its very unsettling so with out turning around you decided to say your goodbyes and leave. "Bye Blitzo! Bye Loona!" "Bye dork." Blitzo doesnt say anything and you start to walk off sill feeling his gaze on you. Suddenly he says "See you soon Y/N"

You got home and were extremely exhausted as you flopped down onto your semi comfortable bed. Due to only recently having a job you dont have that much money to buy yourself a nice place so for right now you're stuck in this crummy apartment. Even though you didnt mind your situation someone else did.

Stolas has been watching you from the day he saw you in the I.M.P headquarters while he was visiting Blitzo. He's been obssessed with you ever since he saw you and has stalked you finding out your likes, habits, dislikes and everything else about you. He truly believes that you deserve so much better than what you have. He loves you and believes you deserve to be treated like a queen. A problem with that is that Blizto is also in love with you. Stolas notices the stares he give you and the longing look in his eyes. He's sure Blitzo has noticed his interest as well and thats probably why Blitzo hasnt spoken to him. But nevermind that.

You change into your PJ', get into bed and start scrolling through Helltok. "Ah shit its getting dark and I have to work tomorrow" you sigh. "I guess I should go to bed as Moxxie would say thats the responsible thing to do." You turn off your phone and go to bed. Stolas stares at you from the window wishing that he were next to you.

After a while he sees someone climbing onto your balcony. He's about to go stop him but then the two lock eyes. "Stolas?! The fuck are you doing here?!" He almost tumbles off the balcony from the surprise. "I should be asking you the same question Blitzo." "Look dipshit im doing the same thing you are but going inside." Blizto starts opening the window. "Wait! We shouldnt do that it invading her privacy." He goes to stop him but then Blitzo slaps his hand away. "Oh and stalking her isnt invading her privacy?! Look just leave ok if you dont wanna do this. Not like I want you stealing my girl anyways." He grumbles the last part but Stolas is able to hear him. "Well I sure as hell am not leaving her alone with you." "Then come in with me." He grabs Stolas's hand and stealthly brings him into the room. Stolas blushes at the sudden contact. 'Wait why'd he blush? What the hell is happening to him?'

You're dead asleep on the bed. "So smart ass what do we do now?" He tries to cover up the fact that grabbing Blitzo's hand made him blush. "We look around bird brain." They start looking around the crummy place, dodging the clothes thrown on the floor. Eventually after looking around for a while Blitzo decides to look your computer as Stolas watches you sleep peacefully. Out of the corner of his eye Stolas sees him breaking into your computer. "Hey!" He yells silently. "What do you think you're doing?" "I'm looking through her computer dipshit." Blitzo rolls his eyes as though its obvious. "Well yes I know that but why?" "To make sure she ain't seeing some other loser."

Blitzo searches and suddenly stops dead in his tracks. "You need to see this birdie." They stare at the computer reading you're messages with some guy named Dennis. "Oh hell no" they growl out in unison. You whine and shift in your sleep as they go dead silent. Once they're sure you're not awake they continue. "We can't let this shit happen." Blitzo growls with malice. "I completely agree. This dirt bag isn't good enough for our Y/N." Stolas nods. "Wait, our?" "Well yes I suppose we'll need to team up to stop this guy and ensure that she stays with us. Is that an ok arrangement?" Stolas questions. "Yea.. Thatd be great." Blitzo looks down blushing madly.

#helluva boss #yandere stolas #yandere helluva boss #yandere blitzo #first time writing an actual fanfic #i hope you guys like it

[ka0ila]

|Pass Out

pairing - lee minho x fem!reader

summary- you pass out after over exerting yourself

warning - angst;fluff, slight-eating disorder

You were working on the same choreography for about 3 hours now. You just couldn't get it right. You were physically exhausted and decided to rest. The moment you sat down, Minho entered the practice room. "Are you able to do it? it's been three hours" You nodded while trying to catch your breath, "the start and ending yes, but i just can't exerpertise the middle part. i'm trying." you said out of breath. He nodded, he looked a bit.. disappointed? you shrugged it off. "after 5 min, i'll watch you do it." he said in a stern tone which sent shivers down your spine. You hesitantly nodded. After 5 minutes, you got up. For some reason, you felt really nervous. Ah, it's just Minho, He'll help me out. You began and You could sense him staring at You. You were a bit scared of him scolding you, you were already tired and didn't feel like getting scolded.

“do that step again” he commanded sternly.

you nodded catching your breath. honestly, you were really embarrassed, it was Minho after all he wouldn’t judge you but.. He was just so perfect. you couldn’t seem to get that one specific step right, you were frustrated, so was he.

“why can’t you just do it right (y/n)” he said a little annoyed. Now, you were really frustrated because you just couldn’t seem to get it right and didn’t need anyone to tell you that aswell,

“im fucking trying Minho” you snapped. “Are you? if you did you would’ve got it right” and that made you teary. you were really trying. He just scoffed. You were about to leave the room but you suddenly started loosing conscious, everything started blacking out, you couldn’t see anything. oh, fuck.

baby?

I woke up in the hospital. I felt someone sleeping on my hand, it was Minho. Oh, i passed out. He started to wake up, for some reason, i just closed my eyes. i was embarrassed to be weak and pass out after not working hard enough and not being able to learn a fucking dance step. he looked at my face and huffed, and started caressing my forehead, i melted.

it was so comforting i felt like crying,

it made me feel safe, really safe.

he then kissed my forehead whispering a sorry, but it wasn’t his fault?

i heard him leave the room and Hyunjin walked in.

He sat beside me looking at me with sad eyes, am i alright? i only passed out right?

did they find out something?

i squirmed a little and began to open my eyes,

“(y/n)?” hyunjin called out my name as he hugged me. i gave him a soft smile as i saw him loosen up and relax a little. Minho walked in.

“i’m sorry Minho, i passed out and i couldn’t even lea-” he cut me off by hugging me tightly and attached his lips to mine.

“i was so.. so fucking worried about you”

“i only passed out what happened?” i asked them confused. they sighed looking at each other.

“have you been skipping meals?”

“i-” i failed to respond and tears started rolling down my face. i didn’t want things to be like this, i didnt want them to know, its only a phase i wouldve gotten over it.

“no” i lied. “youre in no position to lie to us” Seungmin scoled me. “i’m sorry” and for some reason i started sobbing. they all comforted me, i felt bad, everyone was tired but i gave them one more reason to be tired of.

“you know i love you right?”

“im sorry i shouldn’t have pushed you so much” minho apologised nuzzling into my neck cuddling me.

“it’s not your fault don’t blame yourself for it, i shouldve taken better care of myself, please dont ever stop yourself from pushing me forward or scolding me” i assured him.

“are you sure?”

“very.”

“i love you.”

“i love you more than you could ever imagine.”

━━━━━━ ◦ ✤ ◦ ━━━━━━

━━━━━━ ◦ ✤ ◦ ━━━━━━

im sorry this one’s kinda short :>

tell me if you like it!

i like writing angst so you’ll be getting alot more angst hehe, my exams are in 2 days im really stressed i don’t have it all covered, but anyways.

Stream S-Class!!!

#straykids angst #straykids #straykids smut #changbin #minho #lee minho #skz #skz smut #skz chan fluff #skz scenarios #skz fanfic #skz icons #skz moodboard #skz fluff #skz imagines #skz x you #skz angst #skz felix #skz hyunjin #skz seungmin #skz minho #skz han #skz jeongin #pass out #minho angst #you make stray kids stay #you make stay stay #skz stay #skz lee minho #stray kids lino

[melissa-titanium]

id just like to say sorry for my behaviour as of late. i have recently been frankly doing fucking awful but i'm mature enough to know that i won't be doing anything stupid or dangerous. theres been this all encompassing exhaustion that lasts every second of every day and its been taking the fun out of everything i do and no doubt has been effecting how i talk to people no matter how hard i try so i'm sincerely sorry if ive been Off .? i think ive been vanishing more and i promise its not any individuals fault but mine & im really really sorry if ive made anyone feel any other way. this is a me problem!!!! and im working on it!!!! i just need time. a lot of it

anyway. solver uzi cause i dont want to just Post This🫡 dont worry i havent been doing nothing i have a ton of art to post when im back & better

#ask to tag

[hirik0]

You always meet twice 9

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 | part 7 | part 8

Ghost/Soap

NSFW

It took nearly 3 months for them to have enough time to get on leave, missions being back to back and Soap has the feeling he missed the point to tell Ghost he found the news articels about his families death. So they are on a flight to Manchester to vistet a graveyard. Great he really did something here. He looks out the window of the plane there are on. Only clouds and still 2 hours left till they are landing. Ghost is reading the book he bought at the airport but it dont really look like hes enjoying it. Soap start to bounce his legs, as hes getting nervous about 'seeing' Tommy for the first time since he joined the millitary. A hand is resting on his leg and Ghost gives him a questioning look.

"Nervous", he simply says and Ghost goes back to his book. Soap has to hold back a annoyed sound, Ghost is even more closed off then normal. Soap knows it is becasue he is sharing a gigantic part of his personal life that he likely never talks to anyone about. It also is not helping seeing Ghost in civilian clothes. wearing a surgial facemask, sunglasses and bennie to hide his identity as much as possible. Soap himslef is wearing a oversieceed hoodie to conceal how buff he is, just like Ghost. Two rows infront of them a couple is arguing louder and louder about a guy called Ryan. Soap never is somebody to ovehear other people problems, but these two are loud on a air plane and it is intressting and imbossible not to hear. At least more intressting then looking out the window on a flight. He flighs so much for work, so why is flying on leave so diffrent?

"Soap?", Ghost wisperes looking at him. Soap started to bounce his legs again.

"Bit nervous, don't know, guess not the same as flying for work." Soap tries to explain and Ghost clearly dont get it but nods anyway.

"Dont like the entertainment?" Ghost ask refering to the couple.

"Well I know more about this Ryan I ever wanted to know", Soap answers the question. Like really can't they fight in private?

"At least Ryan makes me cum something you can't do because you cant keep it up longer then 30 seconds." The woman says for the whole plane to hear and the two are sharing a look with the third person in the row. A very pregnant pause before the man is answering.

"Well it really hard to fuck somebody that sounds like a guinea-pig."

"The fuck", Ghost is wispering and Soap now has ro many questions in his head.

The fly of hell is finally over and they walk out the airport taking a taxi to the hotel they are staying in. They are silent and driver tried a conversation but Soap who usally chats off everybody ears said they had a rough flight and the driver understands. Soap as the more social person is handling checking in, while Ghost is checking out the lobby for potential threats. They have a room on the 10th floor at the very end of the hallway. Soap opens the door to a room with one queen bed. Ghost own nervousnes spikes at this. They can sleep in the same bed, no problem right? Soap is also nervous about the one bed, because his brain is hunted by Ghost and he's not sure if he will not do something dumb. They look at each other absolutely exhausted from the mission and the horrible flight.

"Window or door? "Ghost asks simply wanting to sleep.

"Window", Soap yawns his answer before dropping the bag on the couch. He watches Ghost who is reaching for a hiden knife hes not wearing because they flew civlian.

"We can buy a knife later", Soap jokes after Ghost is reaching for the next hiden knife. Ghost is turning towards him, giving him an angry look that is hiden behind the stupid sunglasses making Soap laught softly. He steps towards Ghost and removing his cover.

"The receptionist ask me if you are a star or something. Told her you are." Soap babbels a bit trying to not look directly into Ghost eyes. But he wants to look in these warm brown eyes.

"Maybe Im just ashamed to be see with you outsite of work and dont want to be reconiced." Ghost quips back, huffing amussed about it.

"Eejit" Ghost smiles amused at this, before ruffeling Soaps hair what is pissing the scot off even more. Ghost pulls off the mask and Soaps protest is stucked in his throat, holly shit dont freak out, stay calm, you saw his face before. More then ones by now.

"Get ready for a short rest, Sergeant", Ghost orders more as a joke but Soap follows his order with out thinking. Ghost chuckels, he didnt even use his Lieutant voice, ones a soilder always a soilder huh. Soap is pulling out some cloths out of his bag before disapearing in the bathroom. God damm it, he still needs to tell Soap that Tommy is dead.

Soap is closing the bathromm door, now is probably the time to tell Ghost he knows about the death of his family. He stripps out of the hoodie he actully Ghosts that got mixed up in the wasching and he never told Ghost. He dont even thinks Ghost knows that one of his black hoddies is missing. He keeps the T-shirt on and then strips out of the jeans, he for some reason chose to wear on a 4 hour flight. After putting on a pair of sweatpants, that are a littel to short on the legs and thigt for him now, but still good to sleep in. Splashing some water in his face before he picks up his cloths and leaves the bath room.

"Ghost", he says a bit unsure geting bouncy again wipping on his feet back and forth.

"You broke something?", Ghost asks confused by his behaivor.

"I... I know they are death and we will go to a graveyard", Soap shares his knowledge. Ghost is tillting his head looking like he is a bit more relaxed.

"Did you listen to one of these awfull potcasts?", Ghost just asks sounding tired. If they get even more out of hand he has to kill some of them.

"No, I saw the headlins of the news articles from when it happend. Didnt fell right to snoop further", Soap states and Ghost nods.

"Thanks Soap." Ghost says before he enters the bathroom. Soap drops down on his site of the bed and thinks about the thanks. A small word meaning a whole lot. Thanks for respecting them, thanks for not brining it up as soon as you learend, thanks for giving me the space to get ready to talk with you about it. A smile is apearing on Soaps face at this before he looks at his phone. Doing a quick search of techno clubs in Manchester. He can bring it up to Ghost later, about going to in a techno club in Tommys memories. He doesnt hear Ghost returning to the room, till the man is standing next to the bed.

"If you steal the blanket I will kick you out the bed." Ghost treatents him and Soap knows that this is not an empty one, being able to identfy Ghost modes by his voice alone by now.

"Well, then I still have the blanket", Soap points out grinning getting a anoyed sound from Ghost.

"3 hours enough?", Ghost ask being on his phone.

"Yes, Sir."

When Ghost is slowly being pulled out of sleep, he feels something heavy on his shoulder and chest. His instincts are imidiatly kicking in, pinning what ever is on his chest down into the bed. Reaching for the hidden knive that should be onder his pillow, to just not find one.

"God damit L.T.", a very familiar voice is complaining and Ghost need a few minutes to put one and one together. Right he is in a hotel in Manchester with Soap because they are visiting Tommys grave. So no knife under the pillow and Soap used him as a pillow. He gets of he Sergent mumbeling a sorry. Soap is revield that the weight on him is gone, but is know very aware on how hot his body thinks the whole situation was. Hes half hard and he his cheeks are red. Worst moment to learn something new about himself.

"You're heavy", Soap fake complains to play of how into he is in what happend.

"Need to eat more vegetables so you get big and strong." Ghost throws back and Soap nearly says something very dumb.

"I ate all my vegetables"; Soap stattes, a lie he only eat like 3 as a child, but all of them. So really a half lie.

"Com'on, Price will hate it if we get caught breaking into a graveyard."

The drive is short and Soap is a bit more chatty with the driver and Ghost just feels how all the conflicting feelings he always get when visiting the graves. He usally did break in, in the middel of the night, its more private and fits his mode better. The problem is that Soap is such an unknown factor in this visite. He thinks he now understands how Tommy felt when he intruduced Beth to his mother, he still made fun of his brother while being deployed at the time. Tommy absolutly give him the same shit now if they would be alive. He honestly would be a lot less nervous to introduce Soap to his living mother, because she would absolutly love Soap. Her not meeting him feels so wrong, its unfair one of the endless thinks that Roba is taking from him beyond the grave. Of course Soap notice him being even more closed of as usall checking in on him in the same silent way they do on missions. Ghost slowly nods unsure if he should not shake his head instead, Soap would understand and tell him they dont have to go there today. Deep down he knows he would find reasons for them not going here, he needs to remember this is not about him, its about Soap being able to say goodbye to Tommy. They reach the graveyard and get out, Ghost is not sure he will find the way when its not dark.

They need some time to find the grave site, Soap is polite enough to not comment on it. They are standing in front of it and Ghost feels himself locking all his emotions away. The only thing to stop him from fully disasociating is Soaps hand holding his.

"You think they would like me?", Soap asks sudenly knowing that his own family after some time would absolutly love Ghost.

"Without a doubt", Ghost answers tears starting to fill his eyes. It never felt like this. Its always this painfull emptyness and he never crys, so why now? Why now after so many years.

"You think I would be Josephs favourite uncle?", Sopa asks more as a joke to lighten up the mode a bit.

"Never." Ghost answers voice thin, holding back the tears as best as he could. Soap looks at Tommys name thinking really strong that he dont need to worry and he will look after Ghost for them now. He gives Ghost the time he needs, squising his hand and rubbing with his thumb over the knuckels of Ghost hands. They stand in silence for a moment till Soaps stomach growls loudly. He looks up at Ghost smilling unsure a font teary smile on Ghost face.

"Cant have my favourite Sergeant starve can I?", Ghost jokes getting a glare from Soap that screams eejit, but hes to respectfull to say it at the graves.

"I could eat", Soap agress after a while, his stomach doing funny things when he sees the amused smile on Ghost face. Hes so in love with Ghost its painfull sometimes. He also feels proud to make Ghsot smile when being here is clearly very hard for him. They are dancing around each other for months now and Soap is confident that Ghost feels the same about him, as he feels about Ghost. Ghost is using hth not intervient hand to lift Soaps chin up, and Soaps heart is ready to beating so fast it springs out his chest. Their first kiss on a graveyard, things that happen to you when you have a crush, no fall in love, with a guy everyone calls Ghost. Its a short kiss, before Ghost pulls him towards the exit.

Ghost leeds him to a hole in the wall italian restaurant, with amazing lasagna. Ghost is eating his spaghetti with a aioli sauce and shrimps. Not something he thought Ghost eats with his history of what he consinders food on a mission.

"This was moms favourite", Ghost says inbetween bites and Soap is not sure if he minds the restaurant or the dish. Nodding understanding, maybe its both.

"You always go here?" Soap asks leaving out the when you viste their graves and Ghost nods with a mouth full of pasta.

"Usally before." Soap frowns at this, slowly conecting the dots, leting out a painful sigh, of course Ghost vistes the graves in the middel of the night. Ghost shrugs at him, whos there to judge him before. Besites the dead but they keeped ther opinon to themselves.

"You want to go to a rave?", Soap asks feeling there is now good time to ask the question, but a restaurante is better then next to the graves. Ghost is chewing his pasta thinking about it.

"To honor his memory?", he asks and Soap nods mouth full of lasagna. "You already have a place dont you?" Soap smiles at this, trying to look innocent. Ghost should have known but he also has no reason why they should not go. Soaps lucky Ghost likes him and has no knife with him. Every other person would get stabbed.

"No talk to dubios people", Ghost warns him and Soap is pointing his forke full of food towards him.

"I can protect myself now." Getting a 'are you sure about that' look from Ghost, have saved Soaps life numerous times now, by simply watching his six. "Eejit."

Ghost is ones more reminded he absolutly hates techno and only listens to it when he misses Tommy really badly. Atleast Soap dont forces him on the dance floor, yet. He has the felling Soap absolutly wants to dance with him at some point. Well, if he looks at the crowed wipping from site to site with your arms up and jumping from time to time is something he can do. Watching their drinks, looking grumpy and keeping an eye on Soap nothing changed since he and Tommy became friends, well minus dealers. Atleast he hopes so, for the dealers sake, because whatever Soap does not do to them he absolutly will.

"Eh, exuse me?", a high pitched voice is screaming a question to him over the music and 3 teenager girls are standing next to him. He raises a eyebrow trying to figure out if they are even old enough to be here.

"Yes?", he acknowledegs them two hiding behind the girl that talked to him.

"Can you watch our drinks, we want to dance and.. ehh", the girl stammers also losing her courage the longer he stares at them.

"Sure" Ghost agress, three more glasses are really not a problem. The girl gives him a big smile that reminds him of Joseph. He lets it not affect his mood, honestly the three are very smart for asking somebody like him.

"Thank you." With that three glasses are palced on the table Ghost is claiming as his own and the girls are disapearing on the dance floor. He dont sees Soap or the girls for at least an hour, when Soap is getting out of the crowd. Smilling at him, not even minding Ghost is not dancing with him.

"Had fun?", Ghost asks him and Soap nods, before taking a sip from the now warm beer. Before he points to the three glasses that where not here when he left Ghost alone.

"Looking at them for somebody", Ghost explains and Soap gives him a puzzelt look. Who in their right mind would ask Ghost to watch their drink with the aura hes radiating? Must be some brave souls. Soap looks at Ghost, with the lights its not that easy, but hes pretty sure Ghost reached his limit to be here. So he trys to finishes hes beer quickly till the people that asked Ghost to look after them come back si they can leave soon after. Ten minutes later the first girl is coming out the crowd, shortly followed by the other two. Soap watches them, smillling at them while they look betwenn the two. The girl that askes him is still trying to figure out how their relationship, while sipping her drink.

"So you two are... like dating?", the girl asks after a while looking at Ghost for an answer.

"We're thinking about it", Ghost gives a vague enough answer. The girl nods at this still looking inbetwenn the two.

"Celine, thats non of our buisness", one of the other girls warns her. Celine is shrugging at that, she askes a harmless question. The third girl is looking at her phone, eyes wide and hands shaking.

"Lilly?", the still nameless girls asks her. Lilly is mouthing mom. Soap and Ghost give each other a look. Clearly both asking themsleves if the girls are atleast 18.

"Your mom is calling?", Celine asks finishing the rest of her drink in one big gulp. Lilly is mouthing facetime. Looks like these three are in trouble. Celine looks at the two soilders smilling.

"Hope you figure it out, we have to go and thanks again." With that the three girls disapearing towards the next exit. Soap chuckels at this, he dont even know how often Tommy and him ended up in a similar situation.

"We're thinking about it huh?", Soap says after a he finished his beer. Getting a 'watch what your saying' look from Ghost. Really Soap has no buisness saying anything about this, he send drunk expliced text and voice messages to his CO. Soap finsihes the last bit of beer in his bottel and the moment he palced it down on hte table, Ghost is leaning in close to his ear.

"Pretty sure when I look there is a message on my phone of you telling me something about my dick in your ass. So what else should i have answered because a simple coworkers is not covering it." Soaps feels his face flushing, and hes lucky Ghost is so close to his ear he cant see the rest of his face. Jesus why does Ghost have to bring that up now? Soap is opening and closing his mouth no words leaving it.

"Cat got your tounge? Johnny?", Ghost asks smugly knowing he is crossing some wires in Soaps brain.

"So does that mean you want to fuck?", Soaps asks a bit unsure where this is leading.

"You still want to ride my dick badly?" Ghost simply asks back as if hes asking is water wet, before kissing Soaps cheek. The heat on Soaps face is burning stronger, oh god, yes.

"Yes." Soap answers after his brain needs a bit to long to figure out how speaking works.

"Lets get out of here."

Ghost has no idea how they got back to the hotel room at all, but they both pulled the other at some part of the way both eager to go bak to the room. The moment the door is closed he pressing Soap against a wall, kissing him, how he wants to for a while now. Feeling how Soaps arms are closing around his shoulders.

"You know these voice messages you sent me? You fucking tease, drove me insane and ever since I plan to get these noices out of you", Ghost wispers against Soaps lips, felling how Soaps breath is hitching at this. Picking up the Sergeant like he weights nothing to put him on the bed, stepping back a few steps. Looking at his meal, his delicous meal. The red cheeks, the way Soap licks over his lips, the confident smile, that he ever thought they would not end up at this point. In the end he has to be honest with himself, Soaps text just speed up what would have happend sonner or later.

"Just looking? Sir?", Soap asks sitting up to watch what Ghost is doing. Looking the other man up and down, stoping a bit longer at the bulche of Ghost dick and damm it does look big. Ghost walks towards the bed, getting out of the black shirt he wore at the club. Soap is smillig cocky at him, before opening his legs a bit wider so that Ghost can fit in between them better. Ghost leans down to kiss him again using his hands to pin Soaps thighs down. They kiss for a while till Soap makes a annoyed whine, needing some fiction at his dick.

"So impatient", Ghost huffes at this before removing the shirt from Soap. Wanting to respond but Ghost is kissing him breathless. Soap uses his hands to roam over Ghost back, trying to not linger on the scars to much. Scratching down Ghost spine when he grows inpatient again. His pants are uncomfortable thight and need to get them off. Ghost smiles against his lips, before he sits up and his hands fly towards Sopas belt.

"Si..mon", Soap moans a complaint, when Ghost is rubbing over his dick to tease him a but more.

"Patience Johnny, I waited for monthes to get here, you can wait a few more minutes", Ghost chuckels opening Soaps sipper.

"I rather get fucked by you for a few more minutes", Soap answers shoving his pants and underwear down.

"I think we can have both." Soap thinks about flipping Ghost of for this, but a hand is around his dick. Ghost smears the pre cum with his thumb, before licking the finger clean, keeping eye contact with Soap, holding the others chin so he cant look away if he wanted to, but Soap dont want to. Then Ghost stands up, to get to his bag and leavin the scit to make a frustrated noice.

"Catch." With that a full bottel of lube, Soap has no idea when Ghost bought that, is flying towards him and a few condoms. Ghost smiles pleased at Soap confused look. While Ghost returns to the bed, Soap is opening the bottel. Squezing a good amount on Ghost holt out hand. Ghost warms up the lube, while John is turning around for easier access. Ghost spreads the lube, around Soaps hole before, he pushes the first finger in. He takes his time, always waiting for a impaient sound from Soap before he continues the preparation.

"Its good, focus on your legs at the moment", Ghost says into the room, after a while to rail Soap up a bit more.

"Si", Soap complains wanting to get to the main programm.

"Just a littel more or your into a bit of pain with your pleasure?" The moan that Soap is making is not really helping to understand what he wants.

"Words, Johnny." Everytime Soap trys to answer Ghost is rubbing over his prostate.

"Si, just get your dick out", Soap gets the words out, hes sure Ghost would have the patient to make him cum with his fingers only. The other is reaching for one of the condoms as asked, before he gets out his pants and boxers, only now realising how uncomfortable his pants gotten to engaged with getting Soap ready and rilled up. Soap turns around and gulps a bit, shit Ghost is big. Maybe he should just have waited till Ghost thinks hes ready, but well he wont back down, just going slow. He strandels Ghost lap, kissing him to get his nerves a bit down. Still not believing this is happening. Ghost is leaning back pulling the scot with him, till his back hits the sheets. Roaming his hands greedly over all of the skin he can reach till he rests them on Soaps waiste. Soap pulls back, feeling for the condom Ghost dropped somewhere on the bed. He finds it and looks at the foile for the size, getting a smug grin from Ghost. He takes place in between Ghost legs, so he sees what hes doing, with the condom and beause he wants to play with Ghost dick for a bit. Like Ghost earlier he uses his thumb to get gather pre cum at the tip and licks it of his finger, before he rolls the condom down, with one smooth motion realising, he barly can close his hand a round the grith. He swallows, this is probably the bigest dick he ever had. He takes the lube Ghost is holding out for him, before he lubes up Ghost dick, being more generous then he normaly would be. He gets in position and Ghost hands return to his waist. He sinks down slowly, feeling the stretch and how Ghost is also making sure he dont goes down to fast with all the impaients he shown earlier.

"Fuck", Soap courses when hes halfway down, deffentitly the biggest he ever had. "You're fucking big, Si." Ghost is rubbing circels in his skin, watching how he slowly disapears in Soap.

"Taking it so well", Ghost purrs some praise and Soap invoulentary sinks down a few more inches. Moaning when the tip is rubbing along his prostate. Precum drolling out of Soaps dick at this. Soap wiggels a bit from site to site as a test and the grith is so big theres no way it wont rub along his prostate the whole time.

"And is it the best ass your dick was ever in?", Soap jokes before going down a bit further. Ghost chuckels at this shacking his head.

"Had worse", Ghost simply states pushing Soap down a bit further, making the scot drow his head back. "So thats the best dick you ever had up your ass?"

Soap laughts at this, he should have known that Ghost would throw the question right back at him.

"Top 3 worthy", Soap admits and slightly challenges Ghost, before he sinks down the rest of Ghosts cock. They both are panting and Soap needs a while to get used to how full he feels, finally putting his hands on the others man chest. Soap starts slow, barely lifting himself up, before he goes down again a constant flow of pre cum leaking out of him, with every moment, oh this will be a amazing orgasm when he gets there. Ghost hands wander down to his hips, possesivly holding him. He will wake up with two hansprints on his hip. Slowly working himself up to a rythem that is not to over stimulating for him. He looks down at Ghost whos eyes are half closed, mesmericed by what Soap is doing to him, his lips are sligtly open and hes smilling. Soap cant stop feeling proud about this. He does this to the Ghost most feared asset of the SAS. Hands wander down his legs and Ghost is pushing his knees further apart changing the angle, causing his dick to push more against Soaps prostate.

Ghost is not sure how long he just watches, but he feels that Soaps thighs are shaking by now from the work the scot is putting into ridding him. He swattes Soap hand away when he try to reach for his dick.

"Si?", Soap pants, barely abel to take it much longer.

"Pretty sure the best dick you ever had is enough to make you come untouched, Johnny", Ghost states, loving the distressed sound Soap is making. He knows the other is at his limit, about to burst, but a selfish part of him, wants, no needs Soap to come only one his dick.

"Simon, please" Soaps desperation is such a turn on for Ghost, he wants the scot to go for longer. On the other hand he said please and how is he supossed to not give in. He uses one of the moves they use in training to flip them over, using all his weight to press Soap down on the matress. Soap trys to push himself up, but Ghost is increasing the weight on the other to keep him down.

"As much as I enjoyed the view I had." He feels Soap shivering at this, seeing the scot clawing the sheets. "I rather fuck you like I want to now."

Ghost goes deep and slow feeling every shiver Soap is making, his moans muffelt by the pillow. Soap is starting to squirm under him, the worse the overstimulation gets.

"Si, please", Soap sobs in the pillow its getting to much.

"Its easy Johnny, you just come from my dick and its over", Ghost explains directly in Soaps ear.

"I never", Soap whines and shit, now Ghost wants to be the first so bad, he wants to ruine Soap for everybody else, claiming the spot of Soaps best fuck ever making sure nobody will ever be better then him.

"You can do it", Ghost encurages him. Going a bit faster, and the moan from Soap is barely muffeld by the pillow. Soap feels himself starting to cry, with how overwhelming this is getting.

"Come for me", Ghost oders him and that somehow what he needs. His vison goes white, while is dick is exploding making an absolute mess on the sheets.

Ghost gets in a few more trust in to Soap before the comes in as well. Soap going limb under him. He pulls out carefully goes into the bath room throwing the condom away, before he gets a towl wet, to clean Soap up. He carefully moves Soap checking in on him, wipping the tears away, he needs to aks about them later. Wipping the cum from Soap and the bed, before the returns the towel to the bath room and drinks some water before he fills up a glass for Soap.

It takes Soap sometime to get back in the world of the living, felling a hand rubbing along his spine. He makes a sound blinking his eyes open. His head resting on Ghost chest.

"Si?", he slurrs his words confused. Feeling a kiss to the top of his head. Hes not sure if Ghost is saying something to him, but slowly he starts to feel he fabric of the sheets and the warmth of Ghost body. The next think he feels, is that is left shoulder hurts for some reason. He lifts his head, blinking at Ghost whos having a smug yet somehow pleased smile on his face.

"Si?", Soap says a lot clearer now and a glass is coming in his field of few. With the help of Ghost he drinks all of it.

"Did you bite me?", Soap asks and Ghost smiles apologetic at him.

"Yeah, when i came to not be to loud", Ghost admits.

"Fucking animal."

"No i would have fucked you diffrent, if i wanted to fuck you like a animal." Soap weekly slaps Ghosts chest.

"You never gonna get rid of me if you fuck me this good every time." Ghost kisses his forehead at this. As if he wouldn't keep Soap to himself.

"Did I hurt you, you cryed." Soap needs some times to get enough braincells working.

"No, a bit to much, because somebodies ego needed me to come with out my dick touched." Ghost kisses him, being absolutely pleased with himself.

"Dont worry I will only do it when we have the time for it." Soap looks up at him, yawning noding along.

"That sounds good, Si", Soap yawns out while fighting his eyes to stay open a bit longer.

"Sleep love", Ghost is wispering in his hair, before alowing himslef to also fall asleep.

#call of duty #simon ghost riley #ghostsoap #john soap mactavish #call of duty modern warfare ii #call of duty mw3 #cod mw3 #cod mw2

[prttydolls]

in her shadows — eddie munson

eddie munson x cunningham!fem!reader ✧.*

synopsis : reader has enough of being in chrissy’s shadow

warning(s) : being in chrissy’s shadow, rejection, being a rebound.

char note : chrissy is 19, reader is 18, eddie is 20 !!, also mean!chrissy, dark haired!reader hehe (lets pretend she took it from her dad lol)

amora’s note : aaa!! @imabee-oralizard are u proud of me for finishing this in a day ✊🏻 || im checking who ever likes, so u might get a dm from me if you have “18+ only”

important note : if ever, you have 18+ only or mdni please leave, the door is right here old woman 👉🏻🚪

!!! I LOVE CHRISSY THIS ISNT CHRISSY SLANDER I JUST NEEDED A VILLIAN !!!

chrissy, chrissy, chrissy.

your parents always compared you to your older sister, who was a year older than you. they're always saying “oh y/n, why cant you be like chrissy” or showing off her stupid achievements.

god why cant they fucking shut up .

you were the same as chrissy ; pretty, popular, a cheerleader, straight A’s everything! you were like a mini chrissy if you thought about it. your parents just didnt want a second child.

you were exhausted, secretly being an outcast.

speaking of outcasts, your only escape was your bestfriend, eddie munson. he hadn't known that you and chrissy were polar opposites behind closed doors.

eddie and chrissy were friends too, she didn't like him as much but she tolerated him. eddie? oh boy, he liked her so much.

he had a crush on her, typical.

you saw how she leaded him on, making him think she liked him back. whenever you confronted her, she just laughs and says “thats what girls do to their guy bestfriends, surely you dont know what its like.”

you just hated her for everything! you were smarter than her, yet your overshadowed by her! it isnt fucking fair!

it isnt fair.

not fair.

not fucking fair.

･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

next few days, you noticed how eddie stopped coming over.

you thought of asking chrissy, because she was the last person he talked to before leaving home. you hesitated to knocked, but did anyways .

“’kay, hold on jason— what? what do you want twerp?” she greeted, obviously on a call with jason carver and she seemed annoyed. “what did you say to eddie?!” you whisper shouted.

she looked confused. “what?”

you sigh in frustration, “i fucking said- what did you say to eddie?!” you repeated, abit louder than earlier

chrissy rolled her eyes, “he confessed to me, and i rejected him ‘kay? i don't like him back. he's just a friend to me.”

you scoffed, “just a friend?! you both acted like you were dating! you leaded him on you witch!”

she rolled her eyes once more, “for the love of god, its what girls do to their boy best friends. they act like couples, I didn't expect eddie to like me.” you just stared at her in anger.

you didn't wanna say anything and just left her there standing.

you needed to see eddie.

･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

you drove into eddie’s trailer and knocked loudly, “Eddie?!” you called out.

it only took a few loud knocks, for the door to open. you saw the brunette with red-ish eyes, and tears brimming around his eye. he looked so sad.

“eddie..” you sighed sadly.

he stared at your dark (hair color) hair sadly. “hey, y/n..” you invited yourself in and pushed eddie aside.

“eds, did chris reject you?” you asked hesitantly, he looked at you and nodded slowly.

you let out a “awh”, and hugged him.

you comforted him that night, you stayed just to comfort him, and him alone.

･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

months passed, you and eddie were close now. like super close.

you definitely had a crush on him, but you knew something was up. he still wasn't over chrissy. even though she had rejected him, he couldn't stop swooning over her.

you knew he didn't like you, he probably would if chrissy didn't exist. but he would never like you, other than just being his friend.

he still has strong feelings for her, you can sense that.

you felt like you were just a nobody to eddie, just his stupid friend that has a older sister everybody wants to be.

“y/n?” eddie’s voice spoke up, making you snap out of your thoughts.

“sorry- i zoned out.. what's up?” you replied nervously. eddie bit his lip and fondled woth his rings, “i- i wanna ask you something” he sighs

you raised your eyebrow, signalling for him to go on and he took a deep breath. “i- i like you, alot y/n/n.” he confessed.

your mouth went wide open, was he fucking serious?!

you chuckled bitterly, “ah, so this is the part where i date you and you make chrissy jealous and she wants you back hm?”

eddie was taken aback, “what do you mean?”.

“please don't act dumb, i know you became friends with me just to get closer with chris, and you did! but uh oh, she rejected you! whoopsie, now your using me to make you feel better. why? because im always the second fucking choice.” you laughed.

“please, no one wants to talk to me for me. they only talk to me to get closer with the queen of hawkins high. you really think im dumb like that huh? well im not munson!”

“what- no y/n? why'd you think like tha-” eddie tried talking but you already had tears and you quickly stood up and got your stuff.

“fuck you munson.”

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson x cunningham!reader #eddie munson x cheerleader!reader #eddie munson #fanfic #— {🐚} her work's !