#i feel sorry for those who read this shit

[tidcl]

Hi, I have a smau request for Charles (based on c.ai bot lol, and the fact that I love painting), so the reader is invited by her friends to a house for vacation, her friends are all with their s/o and they also always try to set up reader with someone, that's when her and Charles meet, and reader finally gives it a chance because she knows her friends won't stop to set her up. They talk for a whole evening about what they do in life (reader is an artist/painter) and they get along really well. Eventually they get together and reader is very liked by the public, even if there will always be haters, but most fans thinks she's just very adorable (especially because of her insta/twitter posts)

CL — slip up and i call you baby

pairing(s): charles leclerc x artist!reader

summary: you love your friends, you really do. you just wish they’d stop trying so hard to set you up with random guys. [smau + written fic] (read on: ao3)

fc: faceless

word count: 5.1k

warnings: mild sexual references

a/n: this is such a cute idea! thank u so much for sending it in!! u will not believe how much this idea gripped me like i never write one shots like this its just unheard of for me if im honest. anyway i know u asked for a smau so i will be doing a second part/continuation to this that is solely an smau to make up for that. (ALSO sorry for disappearing i was super sick for the whole week and have been getting my shit back together in the aftermath😭)

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ynusername italy we are in u!!!

Amalfi Coast, Italy

You’ve never been particularly boy crazy. At least not the same way your friends are.

There have been a few not-quite boyfriend’s over the years, but those relationships never last long. They never really get you, or they never really get the art thing. Which means, of course, that they don’t get you and never will— and that’s fine, you’re content with that. If living for your art means you’ll never be in love then so be it and frankly, good riddance to them.

For the most part, you’ve given up trying. You go on a few dates here and there, but you never let them stick around. Even the ones that seem interested in your paintings you don’t bother with— none of them really seem to be able to grasp what art truly is to you. It isn’t just paint on a canvas, it’s living, it’s breathing. You are only yourself with a way to make art.

It’s difficult to put into words.

So you don’t. Instead, you send texts that say ‘thanks for your time but this isn’t working out’ and you keep the men your friends try to set you up with at arm's length. You placate Chloe and her partner Rowan– who collects friends like they’re Pokémon– with, “he wasn’t my type” and “I’m not looking for a relationship right now”, which you suppose is true, but also isn’t the entirety of it. Yet, every time without fail, there’s a new boy at the scene of the crime.

Chloe doesn’t get it, none of your friends get it. You don’t try to explain it to them. So, y’know, here you are again.

Anyway, here’s the thing: they’re getting closer. Inexplicably, without knowing how you really feel about it all, Chloe and Rowan are getting better and better at picking the boys who are able to tempt you. Which is a pain really, because sometimes you’re trying to have a perfectly nice vacation in Italy without the lure of a boy you can’t let yourself have. But alas, these things generally don’t go your way.

You should know that by now.

Charles Leclerc is bang on the money, he really is. He is unbearably cute, like so cute that you have to leave the room when he walks in, because you don’t trust yourself to be in close proximity to him right now. You have a hard time looking at his face when you are forced to be around him. The dimples when he smiles, the squint of his eyes even when he isn’t. If you look too long you’re liable to stare and that wouldn’t lead to anything good at all.

He’s nice as well. So nice, just like Chloe told you. You try to pretend he doesn’t exist and he still asks you questions about your job and the area of Monaco you live in— like he’s even interested, like he’ll remember you two weeks from now. You try your best to be pleasant, to answer without it being like pulling teeth, and to ask questions of him as well. You’ll probably see him again after this, so best to not to go too far and act like you hate him. It’s difficult though, toeing the line between friendly and encouraging of more. Or it feels difficult for you. Charles doesn’t make even the slightest suggestion of the two of you being set up by your nosy friends. That’s unbearable too. Part of you wishes he’d just make a clumsy pass at you so you can rebuff it and make your intentions abundantly clear. But, obviously, he doesn’t, because he’s perfect or something.

It sucks. You hate him, you think.

Or you want to.

On the second day of the trip, you’re on the villa’s private beach, laying in the hot sun. Chloe, Anaïs and Bea are there; everyone else is either still sleeping off the wine from last night or swimming in the glittering ocean. You’ve got a secondhand book, a 2B pencil and a pair of sunglasses over your eyes. You’re trying to read but you just end up doodling, drawing your friends bikini-clad bodies over the text and shading grapes into the margins. Trying desperately not to accidentally put Charles Leclerc’s dimples, messy hair, or sloped nose to paper.

“So,” Chloe says conspiratorially, as you abort an attempt at drawing a slightly squinted eye with thick lashes, “What do you think of Charles?”

You raise an eyebrow carefully at her over your sunglasses, betraying nothing of your inner turmoil, “I think nothing.”

Anaïs laughs, rolling onto her back, “That’s such shit. You practically sprint away from him everytime he comes near.”

“I do not,” you answer too quickly.

Anaïs laughs again, louder. Chloe joins in and Bea raises her eyebrows at you like you’re a fucking liar. You frown, glaring a little before stubbornly turning your head back to your book. The conversation about Charles ends there, but unfortunately your actions have spoken for themselves. A chill of something like panic chitters up your spine and into your shoulders. You have to roll them to make the feeling go away.

As the sun climbs higher in the sky you lose some people to the heat and gain others. It’s just you and Chloe sweating onto your towels when Rowan and Charles finally give up on whatever game they were playing in the ocean. Rowan collapses unceremoniously into the space between you and Chloe, kicking up sand and getting water droplets all over you like he’s a wet dog. You let out a noise somewhere between a laugh and an exasperated groan as you roll away from him, landing in the sand.

“Watch it,” you cry, “You’re getting my book all wet.”

Rowan laughs, “You’re drawing in it!”

“So.”

He pulls a face at you that makes you roll your eyes; then he turns into Chloe, shoving his face into her collarbone and flinging limbs over her. You snort, leaning over to snag the book off your towel before it gets dragged into the mess that Rowan is causing. You’re about to get up and go inside until you realise Charles is still standing there. Has, in fact, been standing there since Rowan ran over. Your breath catches, heart skipping a beat as you look up to find him standing there.

“Hey,” you smile briefly at him, quickly looking away from his damp hair and bare chest (–which is difficult to do because, holy shit–) so you can gather up your towel.

“Hi,” he replies.

He might smile back. You don’t look. You’re trying to get the image of his washboard abs out of your head. This proves difficult when you clamber to your feet and find yourself face to face with him.

“Are you heading back?” he asks.

“Yeah.”

God, you want to kick yourself. You’re being so awkward, and right in front of Chloe too, who may not be watching but is absolutely listening to you make a fool of yourself in front of a guy you have very firmly said that you are not interested in. It must be clear to him too, that you’re trying very deliberately to not be interested in him. You cant tell what would be worse; if that means he’ll think you’re a weirdo or if it means he’ll take it as a sign that he should make some kind of move.

Ugh.

“I’ll come with you?”

“Hmm,” you blink yourself back into existence, seeing the questioning look on Charles’ face, “Yes, yeah. Sorry.”

You say goodbye to Chloe and Rowan who barely look away from one another, still rolling around in the sand like teenagers.

“Gross,” you say to Charles, as the two of you trudge through hot sand toward the sandstone steps that lead up to the villa.

He laughs, a breathy thing that tapers off with a sigh, “A bit, yes.”

You don’t say anything else, but you find yourself staring at his back and the way his muscles shift and move underneath his tanned skin. At the top of the stairs you part ways, he smiles at you and you offer something awkward in return, trying to pretend you hadn’t been looking at him. You don’t think he notices, but your cheeks red burn anyway.

You don’t see him watching you leave.

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Amalfi Coast, Italy

Dinner is a huge affair, as it always is on these trips.

You, Anaïs and Chloe spend three hours in the kitchen that afternoon making chicken fricassée and about a hundred different side dishes to go with it. Everyone crowds around the dinner table to eat and drink even more wine than the night before. Piero Piccioni plays on the old record player, crackling away as you laugh and talk and tell stories with your friends well into the night. You watch the sun set through floor-to-ceiling glass windows and you wish wish wish that you had your paints right now.

You brought along a set of oil pastels and one of your art notebooks, but it doesn’t compare at all to painting. If you could get your hands on cadmium yellow in all it’s hues, maybe vermillion and a powder blue, your lack of paintbrush or canvas wouldn’t even matter. You’d use your fingers if you needed to. It bothers you so much that you get up in the middle of clearing away the meal and go to your room for the pastels and notebook. You need to get it on a page at least.

You push a few plates to the side, folding out your notebook and immediately marking the page up with a creamy white pastel. Bea teases you when she comes over to take the rest of the dirty dishes, but you just mumble something unintelligible, too engrossed with smudging the sunset into something that looks like what you’d seen out the window. When the oranges and yellows blend to your satisfaction you take the black and brown and draw in the top of your friends’ heads, not thinking about how much attention to detail you’re paying to the shape of Charles’ side profile.

When you’re finished, you’re surprised to see that the table is cleared save for a few half-full wine glasses and a fresh bottle. Only Chloe, Rowan and Charles are still sitting by you. You’re listening to another Piero Piccioni album now, or maybe just the other side of the record. You remember saying goodnight to the others and saying yes to a glass of wine, so you’ve not been totally dead to the world, but it’s all in a bit of a haze.

You think this might be part of the reason why you can’t hold down a boyfriend. The disappearing into your art like you cant breathe until it’s finished. That may as well be the case if you’re honest.

You sigh, wiping your stained fingers on the next blank page, then you take a long sip from your glass of merlot, pretending you dont notice the others’ eyes on you.

“All done?” Chloe quips, somewhere on the border of teasing and being annoyed at you.

You look at her, your eyes just narrowing enough for her to notice. She does and purses her lips. You raise an eyebrow to ask okay, what’s your fucking problem? And you see her eyes flash to Charles. You follow her gaze to see him and Rowan pretending to look disinterested in your answer. Charles is tracing the base of his wine glass and absently biting the inside of his mouth. You have to tear your eyes away.

“All done,” you answer, tone clipped, before gathering your things (including the wine glass) and leaving the room in a move you hope doesn’t come off as too rude.

At your back you hear Rowan ask Chloe, “What was that?”

Chloe means well, you think as you wind through the villa, making your way to the balcony overlooking the private beach. She wants you to be happy and she thinks you need a boyfriend to be happy. But she’d found the love of her life in Rowan after only a few years of dating around and she doesn’t quite understand that it’s never going to work like that for you. There aren’t enough people out there that understand the kind of passion you have for your art and certainly not many that would also be compatible with you. You’re fine with that, but Chloe doesn’t know what to do with it. Especially not now she’s cottoned onto the fact that you have some kind of interest in Charles. It’s killing her.

It’s irrelevant though, whatever interest you have in Charles doesn’t factor into anything. He’s cute, he’s nice, but so were the dozen boys that you’ve already dated and not continued dating. So really, Chloe needs to stop pushing it because it’s pissing you off. You’re here for a holiday, not to be forced into conversations with a guy you don’t know. If she needs to have an argument to finally understand that, then so be it. You’ve been friends for years, it’ll blow over eventually.

You flick a switch and blinking lights illuminate the balcony. Fairy lights are wound up the posts and draped on the awning, intertwining with the lush green vines that have grown up through the wood slats. The air is balmy and the breeze light as you settle into one of two cushioned chairs situated by a coffee table. It’s perfect. You spread the oil pastels out next to your glass of wine and set your open notebook on your crossed legs, listening to the sound of waves lapping against the shore.

You’re alone for what feels like a long time but is probably only an hour or two.

When the sliding door clunks open you expect it to be Chloe coming over to have it out, but it’s not. Instead, Charles slips through the gap with the rest of the wine gripped in one hand.

“Hi,” he greets, smiling at you in a way that makes dimples carve in his cheeks, and dashing any hopes you have that he’d walk right past you.

“Hey,” you forget yourself for a moment and bite your lip on a broad smile.

He holds the bottle out toward you, offering more. You lean over your notebook and hold your empy wine glass up in acceptance.

“Merci,” you say, and in a moment of weakness (and probable wine drunk-ness) you gesture at the plush chair across from you.

Charles, somewhat caught off guard, looks between your outstretched hand, the chair, and your face, before shaking his head almost imperceptibly and finally taking a seat. Despite his apparent shock, you find it hard to believe he’d come out here simply to offer you some of the last of the wine. Surely, this is Chloe and Rowan’s doing. Though, strangely, you cant quite bring yourself to care.

He sets the bottle on the coffee table, next to your oil pastels. You lean forward to place a few back in their rightful spots, snagging your wine glass as you go.

Charles eyes’ scan your face for a moment, searching for something you suppose, then he points at your notebook, “Have you been drawing?”

You nod, “Mmm.”

You think perhaps the answer is a bit obvious. He seems to realise this, you watch a blush spread onto the top of his cheeks and he flutters his eyelids slightly, almost like rolling his eyes at himself. You don’t think about his eyelashes, thick and dark as they brush against his cheekbone, and you don’t think about his eyes, the lights reflecting off them, making them sparkle.

“What are you drawing then?” he asks after a moment of collecting himself, an edge of embarrassment to his voice.

You give in easily to the strange urge you have to show him, grabbing the notebook off your lap and holding it out for him to see what you’d been scribbling in the book for the past two hours. You let him take it off your hands, ignoring the spike of anxiety. He holds it gingerly, like it's a precious artefact (of course, to you, it is), which makes something warm bloom in your chest. You take a sip of wine and gesture for him to flip through a few pages, which he seems hesitant to do without permission. The book is angled in such a way that you can see most of the page, so you’re content to let him. Or at least you are until he flips to the page you’d started when you’d first come out here.

Panic drops like a stone in your gut because he’s looking right at a fully rendered drawing of his eyes. It’s in amongst some pillars strung with lights and covered in climbing vines; your best attempt at capturing the way the beach looked earlier in the day; and, perhaps your saving grace, Chloe half asleep on her towel. But the drawing of her is haphazard, it’s half-scribbled and half-finished, whereas the one of Charles eyes’ is as detailed as the sunset scene you’d done the page before. It had been something you just needed to get out, drawn in one of those hazes of yours. You’d felt better after it was done, your hands had stopped feeling like they were itchy.

Now, you itch to snatch the notebook off him, but you fear that would be even more incriminating. So you watch him look at the page and try to sit with the panicked feeling spreading in your chest.

Eventually, he points at the page, “Is this me?”

You bite your lip, breathing slowly through your nose to try and abate the blush spreading up your neck. You don’t say anything exactly, just shrug and rock your head back and forth in a kind of confirmation that doesn’t really admit anything. Though, there’s no denying the drawing is him.

“It’s good,” he says, seemingly stumbling over the words, “It’s very good.”

You frown into your drink, “Thank you.”

“I mean it.”

You know he means it. It’s not that.

“Yes,” you put down the wine glass, looking at him but avoiding eye contact, “I know. I know it’s good. I’m just… I’m embarrassed,” you admit.

He furrows his eyebrows– or it’s more that he squints and his eyebrows fold in with it. You watch his tongue dart out to run across the top of his bottom lip and you stamp down the less than innocent thoughts that come bubbling up at that. He waves the hand that’s not still holding carefully onto your notebook about for a moment, trying to conjure up words that he doesn’t have yet.

Slowly, he says, “You shouldn’t be embarrassed. I– It’s–”

He’s about to say flattering, so you cut him off, not wanting to hear the tone of it, whether it be pity or something else entirely.

You try to explain yourself, “Things get stuck in my head sometimes. Like after dinner,” you reach forward and flip the page back one, to the sunset, “I have to get it onto paper. Or… or… it just runs laps in my head for the rest of eternity, I guess. I don’t stop thinking about it.”

You cringe internally. You’ve just told him that you were so consumed by thoughts of his eyes that you had to draw them immediately. That is perhaps worse than just wanting to draw him because you thought he was cute. Charles raises his eyebrows, clearly surprised by your admission, but there’s perhaps also something sincere in there? You can’t pinpoint it, but it makes you feel a fraction better you think.

You sigh forlornly, “That’s weirder, huh?”

He laughs, properly laughs, and it sends some strange feeling skittering down your spine, “No. No, I get it. I don’t have any way to get it down as quickly as I’d like, but I definitely understand the feeling.”

You bite the inside of your lip, hesitant but still curious, “You understand the feeling? Really?”

“Yes,” he smiles easily now, relaxing more in the chair after he places your notebook onto the counter with a cautiousness you still don’t expect, “For me, with racing, it’s like I get an idea and I can’t sleep until I try it on track or talk about it with someone. Some of them don’t work, or aren’t possible, which is fine, but if it sounds right to me and it checks out with the people that it needs to, then, well, then it literally does run laps in my head.”

You laugh, mostly to yourself. You’re not sure yet if he understands what you’re saying, but he’s trying. That’s more than you can say for a lot of people. You try not to let that thought linger for too long.

“You think it’s similar?” you ask in a way you desperately hope comes across as curious and not accusatory.

He hums, waving his hand around again for words, “Perhaps. I think the urgency is the same. The passion is the same. Do you ever feel like something terrible will happen if you can’t–”

“Yes,” you’re a bit breathless in your haste to agree, to talk about this feeling with someone who understands, “Yes. I do. It’s like I need to put it somewhere before I lose it. Otherwise, it won’t be perfect, or it’ll be too late.”

“Exactly,” his eyes seem to light up, for a long second you watch the flickering lights reflect in them, “Exactly.”

“It’s never as good as I want it to be,” you admit, finding it easier to look him in the eye now that some strange barrier between you has been broken, “It’s never quite how I imagine it in my head.”

Charles points at your notebook, “These are very good, really. I don’t see how they could be better. But,” he shrugs, “Eh, I will win a race and still think of everything I did wrong.”

You nod eagerly in understanding as you lean back into the chair, finally relaxing into the cushions. It’s strange to have this conversation, knowing you’re talking about two entirely different careers, but feeling like they’re so similar. Maybe it’s just you and Charles that are similar, maybe your jobs have nothing to do with it? You don’t know, you just know it’s nice to feel like someone gets what you’re talking about.

Charles continues, speaking like he’ll explode if he doesn’t get this off his chest, “It’s there all the time, do you know what I mean? Maybe I’m not thinking about it every second, but it’s always there waiting for something to draw attention to it. And people ask what else is going on in my life, and of course I do other things, and I enjoy other things, but I want to be on the track. I want to be driving whenever I can.”

You nod again, more subdued now, “Mmm, right. I want to be making art all the time, and when I can’t it’s like missing a limb. To me art is– it– it’s like–”

“–breathing,” he finishes, almost the lilt of a question to it, but not really, it’s like he knows exactly what you mean… how you feel.

You exhale, long and slow, “Yeah. Like breathing.”

Both of you are quiet for a little after that. You’re trying not to stare at him, but it’s not easy. He’s looking at you almost blatantly and you can feel blood rushing to your cheeks the longer he stares. The air feels thick with some feeling you can’t place. All you know is there are butterflies in your stomach and a smile keeps pulling at the edge of your pursed lips.

The smile takes over as you catch him starry-eyed in your peripheral vision, you mutter, “Stop that. Stop looking at me.”

“Why?”

You tip your head back so you can’t see him looking at you, “Because.”

“Because?” he laughs breathily, shaking his head at you, “Okay, well, tell me if I’m misreading anything, but I’m pretty sure that drawing of me in your notebook says something, at least.”

You run a hand down your face, sighing loudly, “Yes, okay. I suppose it does. But– I–” for a moment you struggle for the right words to explain yourself, “I guess I’m not really looking to date anyone.”

He tilts his head to the side, furrowing his eyebrows and looking for all intents and purposes, like a confused puppy, “You guess?”

You nod, resisting the urge to just launch over the table and grab his face. He is very cute and he is making this so hard for you.

He sucks his teeth briefly, shrugging, “I’m not really either.”

“Alright,” you say, “Good.”

As over as that should make the issue, strangely enough it doesn’t feel like you’re done with Charles Leclerc and it certainly doesn’t feel like he’s done with you either.

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Amalfi Coast, Italy

You try to avoid Charles after that, you really do, but he doesn’t quite let you.

For a few days of the holiday you give him pointed looks and purse your lips a lot when he’s around. Chloe catches on straight away and that makes it all infinitely worse until she finally realises she might need to leave you alone (yeah, shocker). When Chloe finally forces everyone to get off your back about Charles, it becomes much easier to be around him. You’re not glaring at your friends while they make eyes at you, or worrying if you’re acting weird; you’re just allowed to be.

It’s nice. He’s nice.

But you knew that already.

Neither of you are looking for a relationship so there’s no pressure for it to be anything at all. But you have this sneaking suspicion that perhaps both of you are looking for a relationship with eachother regardless. You try to ignore the thought.

On day five, you’re sitting together on an outcropping of rock that overlooks the ocean and you’re letting Charles doodle in your notebook with a ballpoint pen. The bare skin of both your arms are pressed together, they stick with sweat from the hot midday sun but neither of you seem to care. As you watch him doodle inexpertly you can smell him— salt and sweat and whatever cologne he uses masking the very faint scent of burning rubber. Your hair, still damp, brushes his forearm, you wonder if you smell of acrylic paint and mildew from all the water cups you accidentally leave out for your paintbrushes.

You reach out to trace a line he’d made, “Here, it should be more like…” you taper off, taking the pen from his hand and quickly fixing the curve of the beach before handing the utensil back.

“Hmm,” he hums, giggling a little, “I guess that looks better.”

“You guess?”

He nods, “What if I had a very specific vision?”

You raise an eyebrow in disbelief, leaning back to look him in the eye you tease, “A vision. Did you?”

He tilts his head down to look at you. You’re very close now, you can feel his breath fanning over your face. In the reflection of his sunglasses you watch your lips part slightly and your eyelids flutter. Your chest grows tight with anticipation and maybe a little bit of panic. Still, you reach out and slide his sunglasses up to settle in his hair. You’re a little careless, but you like the way his hair pokes out from them at odd angles. As he breathes out you hear it catch for a split second.

“Did you?” you repeat, knowing he won’t remember what you were talking about.

He blinks twice, still staring at you, “Hmm?”

“You said you had a vision,” you breathe.

“Oh,” as he says it, his eyes flicker down to your mouth, only for a second, but it’s long enough to you know you’re done for.

You both lean in at the same time, your noses sliding off each other in your eagerness. You breathe a kind of laugh into his mouth and you feel him try to suppress a smile against your lips. It’s slow for the first few seconds, just you and Charles figuring out how your mouths fit together. His mouth is warm and wet and so soft, and it’s easy to lose yourself in it. You move the hand that had adjusted his sunglasses, sliding it up his shoulder to the back of his muscled neck. Your fingers weave into the short hair at the base of it, your nails scratching absently there. He groans, ever so slightly into your mouth and it sends heat skittering down your spine, into the low of your gut.

The hand of his that isn’t clutching onto your notebook slips forward and winds around to press at your bare back. He pulls you closer to him as you slide your hand up to cup the back of his head, tilting his head to deepen the kiss. Soon it’s a mess of tongue and teeth and Charles blindly shoving your notebook somewhere it wont slip into the water so he can grab you with both hands. He tastes like red wine and coffee and you love the way his fingers dig into your skin and the way his teeth have been grazing at your bottom lip, like he wants to sink into it.

You’re almost in his lap when you’re forced to pull away for air.

Foreheads pressed together, you breathe heavily into the space between you. Your hand is still stuck in his hair and one of his on the small of your back, the other holding your knee. The sides of your noses touch, you nudge yours against his affectionately, tempted by the proximity of his mouth.

He laughs and you feel it against your lips, intermingling with your own breath, “Alright. That was–”

“Yeah,” you finish, dipping forward to kiss him again.

You’re lost for another few minutes. Tongue and teeth and the sound of the waves crashing against the rock behind you. And his hand on your jaw and in your hair and pulling you closer closer to him.

He pulls away this time, turning his head to press your cheeks together, mouth at your ear, “So,” he drags the word out with a laugh, “are you looking for a relationship now?”

You snort unceremoniously, and tease, “Hmm. I guess I would be amenable to that.”

“You guess?” he asks— but not really needing to at all because you can feel his dimples pressing into your cheek as he smiles knowingly.

You nod, smiling too, “I guess.”

🎨 yes of course i made a playlist>> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6cAJaZjvK0V7SrmxoMosBX?si=ADlJGHxxQYKnlZ1jWFJxfw&pi=a-AI0MKbo3RTqE

taglist: (pls message if you'd like to be added to the taglist for charles. my yuck! one is full so need to start a new one😭)

#charles leclerc #f1 #formula 1 #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc social media au #charles leclerc smau #f1 x reader #f1 social media au #f1 smau #f1 fanfic #charles leclerc x artist!reader #⭐️requests #⭐️asks

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

question! is it a form of neglect to purposefully not give your children sex ed? i've been thinking a lot abt it lately, especially bc that's how i grew up. when i started asking sex related questions, people would either awkwardly lie or straight up tell me not to ask. to the point my mom would guilt me for asking, saying "you can read i'll find you a book" [never gets me any books abt it] "but stop bothering me bc i have a lot on my hands" ect ect guilting stuff.

like, thinking back on it now, it makes me feel more and more like not giving your kids sex ed on purpose is a form of neglect. i understand NOT knowing sex ed stuff but it seems like when you get kids, it's kinda your job to make sure they get that info somehow? so many people DON'T know basic sex ed or even what CONSENT is and it seems like that's not just a school system thing but sometimes it's also a PARENT thing.

sorry to ramble in your inbox. i've jst been thinking about this a lot, especially being on your blog, and wondered if you had any thoughts on it.

hi anon,

this is a rather thorny question and not one that I feel comfortable making generalizations about.

certainly there are caregivers who intentionally withhold access to information about sex, anatomy, and consent as part of a larger pattern of manipulating and indoctrinating their children, and stigmatize or otherwise punish children for seeking knowledge. in those cases I think we can generally say that withholding information is part and parcel of mistreatment. I assume, based on the rest of your ask, that this is the kind of behavior you mean when you talk about "purposefully" failing to provide sex ed.

but what counts as "purpose"? if a caregiver is otherwise meeting their kid's needs and not doing any cult shit but never raises the topic of sex ed because their kid never asked, or because they assumed that health class had it covered, or because they themself never got any decent sex ed and don't have anything particularly helpful to say, would we then call that neglect? I wouldn't, personally. it's nice when parents can, especially if their kids are coming to them with questions, but I also understand very well that the average parent is an extremely busy person who is doing their best and probably does not have any particularly thorough knowledge of sex. don't get me wrong, I have plenty of issues with how much sex negative behavior and general ick people learn from their families, but I can also recognize that this is a multigenerational cultural issue and that the parents are also the products of their own upbringings.

this is also a whole other tangent but I don't believe parents should be expected to be the primary vessel of knowledge for sex ed anyway, any more than they're expected to teach math or science. but I recognize that that's also a belief that requires schools to have mandatory, semester-long sex ed classes that are taught by a professional like any other subject and frankly the US is just not going to be there any time soon when Republicans are still trying to classify being a drag queen in front of a child as a sex crime.

tldr. it's complicated.

[just-antithings]

When antis go on about "writing fictional problematic ships will ruin the young impressionable minds" i just dont take them seriously.

1. theres a certain assumption that impressionable people will only copy fictional media and that the impressionable person will seek out taboo themes within that fictional media instead of avoiding it.

2. everyone has someone around them that they'll copy, someone that will leave a sort of 'influence' on that persons mind before they even can read, even if its just a passerby with a simple comment. that can stick in someones mind and it can be useless or useful, harmful or helpful. fiction is not the only way for impressionable people to be influenced by bad things

3. i feel like there's this idea that the people around the impressionable person are blank slates who showcase no opinions, no emotions or no physical reaction to anything and does not speak about anything regarding emotions, boundaries, relationships etc so the impressionable person is not able to get even a grasp from whats right or wrong unless it's from the internet

so what im curious about is why do the fandom wank go full force with fanfics / fanart and not touch upon about how irl people can fuck you up with how you view the world or even just share resources on healthy relationships, how to enforce boundaries etc or go after any real people for that matter who promote bad shit like those 'self help gurus' that spread dangerous misinformation and dangerous ideas (like the dating courses that say shit like if a woman says no shes playing hard to get). obviously i dont think they should be harassed but it definitely should be talked about if antis were really so concerned about peoples safety

i personally have the assumption they only value a fictional character over actual children, not only because their reasonings for how fanfic is 'normalising' shit which is fucking stupid but the first thing shouldn't be 'Fiction is at fault' when talking about kids (who are not the most reading inclined demographic and not the target audience for more graphic works that *might* influence them) it should be more 'What are kids being taught or why are they not being taught this' ,

for example why aren't kids being taught how to make sure to place boundaries, why do they not know whats a healthy relationship, why are they not being taught about what is and isnt illegal and are they being taught how to be safe etc.

the biggest part of peoples lives are school, family and friends. not the random ass fanfic authors and fanartists who just like being creative.

sorry its so long, needed this off my chest

.

#mod erin #ask #just anti things #posted without comment

[anas-tasiaa]

How much you love them?

Yes.

#shhhhhhhhhhh #listen corny #I'm here living my best life when I found them #I #HAVE #BEEN #LOVING #THEM #FOR #6 YEARS #AND NEVER EVER #EEEEVVVEEERRRRRR STOP LOVING THEM #gladly one of my friend is making a game for them heehheheheheheheheehhe #another reason to not die #wink wink 😉 #jsjshshshdhdhdgd #i feel sorry for those who read this shit #sorry guys #please unfollow me #🧎🏻‍♀️ #jshshsshdhhd

[corrodedcoughin]

some thoughts about Steddie and blowing kisses

It started as all things do with them, as a joke. He doesn't know when it started but it did, as part of his routine when he leaves Robin he blows her a kiss. Just a touch of his fingers to his mouth and a wave of his hand. Nothing elaborate. And Robin's response is equally routine, pretends to grab it and stick it in her shirt pocket.

Everyone is used to it, nothing new, just part of their relationship. Eddie is hanging out at family video with them both when Steve goes to take his break outside, desperate for some fresh air after being stuck in the stuffy store. As he is heading out the door, he sends Robin a kiss, she puts up her hand to catch it and that's when the routine changes. Eddie vaults over a display table of tapes and mimes grabbing the kiss and eating it. He’s like a wild animal, snorting and snuffling crouched on the ground, looking up at Steve when he's finished with a deranged smile

'Thanks for that Stevie, I was starving.'

Both Robin and Steve are trying so desperately not to laugh but they can't help it, Steve stumbles out the front door with a 'what the fuck' coming out between the gasps for air and Robin is applauding Eddie from inside the store. Eddie obviously gives a dramatic and over the top bow.

Eddie is involved in the kiss routine from then on and the response is always a surprise. Steve has witnessed his air kisses being hit by an imaginary bat achieving a home run with Eddie doing a victory lap around the parking lot, being clutched out of the air and stuffed in Eddie's back pocket 'for later', caught in Eddie's hands and let out the window like an unwanted insect, inhaled in like a hoover, cowered against and fought like it was a life threatening dragon 'Sir Steve, Lady Buckley stay close! I will slay the beast!'

They escalate and escalate until one day Eddie is standing next to Steve when he blows the kiss. Steve anticipates his response, he'd be lying if he said he's now only really blowing these kisses to see what Eddie will do, see the smile it brings to the other boy's face and tries to push down the butterflies in his own stomach when Eddie sends a wink to Steve at the end of the performance. This time though? Eddie pretends to grab the kiss out of the air, places it to his cheek, with a blush creeping up from his neck and leans forward. He leans and lets his lips brush Steve's cheek in return. Steve is frozen solid, trying desperately not to let his legs buckle in surprise and feels Eddie smile as he whispers 'figured I better start returning these. think I've got a lot to make up for.'

#here it is #the post to try and make up for sad Steve yesterday #no promise on if it’s good or bad that’s up to you #Eddie has deflected the kisses to Robin in lord of ways but those are some of my favourites #there are more though #as always this is not proof read because I can’t read my own stuff. #this is because of flowers anon #and anyone who reblogged tvr sad Steve post saying some interaction of ‘me too’ #because friends we are all in this together I promise you that I am going through it with you #it might feel awful but you are not alone #I’ll try to get some silly Steddie shit posts going if you need them or anything #anyway sorry here’s this feel free to ignore #stranger things #steddie #eddie munson #steve harrington

[butchhansolo]

in-universe "logistics" aside, i think it's good that echo has the permanent scomp arm instead of a hand for like. real-world representation reasons.

in star wars sure they have fully articulated replacement prosthetics but we very much don't have that in real life, and i feel like echo with the scomp is good rep for that. he's one of the most competent characters and i think it's good to show that he can do All That as he is, especially with how irl people with only one hand usually are very capable, even more if they've been living with it for a long time, and very rarely do we see that in media.

like, mark hamill once said he talked to a kid for a make a wish thing who was about to have his arm amputated, and the kid said that he wasn't worried because luke did it too. i think that's important

#tbb #echo #.txt #the bad batch #arc trooper echo #SORRY MUTUALS this has been on my mind since i saw some people being really weird/Actually Ableist about it on twitter back in january and #that post going around just reminded me of it #NOT THAT OP WAS SAYING ANYTHING PARTICULARLY BAD bc like yeah utilitarially a multitool type arm could probably be useful #just imo its nice to have real world rep #also im still taking psychic damage from some of the twitter shit it was like how echo would ''have relief at having a proper hand'' or sth #like um. thats not very ummmm.... thats not really a good thing to say-- #with regards to like. a lot of people with limb differences dont feel any particular desire to have a standard limb and a replacement #isnt necessarily the best for everyone or what everyone wants #and acting like all people who dont have standard are all suffering and sad about it is demeaning and patronizing #twitter users when theyve never read about people with limb differences from those people's perspectives #twitter users when theyve never heard of the Lucky Fin Project #sorry for going off agh prosthetics are what i plan on studying & specializing in so i read a lot about this stuff

[thatonegayship]

I loved the cowboy comic so much that I wrote a oneshot for it. https://archiveofourown.org/works/50934235 🥺 your art is BEYOND amazing, ty for the food

INCREDIBLE!!!!!

#billdip #I honestly loved this story start to finish with the ambience and quick pace #hadn't considered the possibility of Bill and Dipper actually working *together* but it's always a good time when they do ❤️ #sorry it took so long to reblog 🥲 #I read it like- Right when you posted. But I had to catch a plane and then drive an extra hour home and immediately get on zoom for class #and today i was just all around exhausted so i slept roughly 70% of the entire day dndsjdndnd #all that to say that I had your fic in the back of my mind and I very much wanted to set some time aside and re-read it when I got the chan #honestly with how well you set things up I would've loved to see your own rendition of their first kiss #You established their relationship really well at the start and brought them together by the end after outsmsrtong those bandits #it feels like you have a better understanding of who they are to each other than even i do 😌 very much a fan #i love when stories incorporate those sort of 'habits' that the love interests fall into #that confuses character A while character B is so clearly using it as an excuse to get close and spend more time with them #i squealed like a maniac when Bill was like oooph lemme walk you home 😏🤠 #sir i am going to wrangle you up if you don't compose yourself #and Dipper's just wary of him because people as handsome as bill used to pick on him 😢 #little does he know he's grown into a 10/10 cutie patootie that any cowboy would be stupid NOT to smooch #I'm a simple man. I read oblivious low-confidence cowboy being pursued by a hottie on a horse. I lose my shit #Awesome wonderful writing!!! so happy to have caught your eye and i hope to continue pumping out content for this wonderfully weird ship

[cosmic-kaden]

Well this is new.

Ship: Ronnie x Kaden

Words: 2,084(OHMYGOD WHAT!? No pressure to read holy shitttttt)

cw: Ronnie's pov, oops Ronnie doesn't know how emotions work! D: Mindy and Cliff being goofs lol (No real CWs)

summary: Bobby's sibling is new in town- Place your bets! :3

Quiet, it was always quiet. Maybe that's why they say this is a nice place to be. No excitement of the good or bad variety. Not much to do either, wasn't a bustling city with malls and movie theatres, no concert halls or nightclubs, just a quaint little town.

Ronnie sat, arms crossed over his chest at his desk, staring at the clock as it ticked by, every so often checking his cell phone, reading news from other more exciting places in the world. It's not that he hated it here, he liked that it was quiet, fewer people, fewer crimes but sometimes he wished for something to change. Anything really.

"Hey, did you hear?" Mindy broke the silence in the station as she pulled up a seat at her desk. She pushed up her glasses and sat back in her chair.

"Hear what?" Ronnie asked flatly, his brow raising slightly.

"Bobby's got family living here now." Mindy smiled.

That was the one thing about such a small town, nothing was ever kept private and if it was it didn't stay like that for long. Everyone knew everyone and gossip was a pretty common thing.

"Is that so…" Ronnie glanced up from his phone to look at Mindy and Mindy smiled.

"Yeah- some of us are taking bets."

"Taking bets? On what?" Ronnie asked, once again drawing his attention back to his phone.

"On if whoever has moved here ya know…" Mindy gestures vaguely and Ronnie looks at her with furrowed eyebrows. "Looks….like him"

"That's sort of rude don't you think?" Ronnie is looking at her a little more seriously now, he was never one for gossip and not to mention the subject right now had him wildly uncomfortable.

"I guess it kinda is but hey, what else we got going on. Want in?" Mindy grinned.

"No."

"Do yoooou at least want to go with Cliff and me to introduce ourselves?"

"You mean go and see who won the bet?" Ronnie raised a brow and Mindy sighed.

"….yes"

"Fine." Ronnie simply said, standing to his feet and grabbing his jacket.

The drive to Bobby's shop wasn't far. He owned a little gas station comic shop hybrid, all the local kids went there for junk food and to get their sci-fi kick. Already something was different, there was music loudly blasting from the shop.

"Someone likes it loud," Mindy mumbled as they pulled into the shop.

Cliff, Mindy, and Ronnie got out of the car and trailed inside the tight little store, a quaint, slightly run-down storefront, full of of nostalgia and a holdout against the creeping decay. The shop's sign, "Centerville Comics," flickers with a vintage neon glow, inviting those seeking escape into worlds beyond the unsettling quiet of their own. Inside, the shop is a labyrinth of towering shelves, each one groaning under the weight of comic book history, from dog-eared classics to the latest issues. The lighting is dim, with sporadic beams of sunlight filtering through dust-speckled windows, illuminating the colourful covers

The music was usually some twangy country but today was more instrumental progressive rock… that was new. Ronnie bobbed his head a little as Mindy and Cliff glanced around the store before someone came out from the back of the shop and everyone's eyes landed on them.

Mindy grinned, subtly holding her hand out towards Cliff who Cliff, reluctantly handed her $20. The person emerged to the counter, they had black-blue hair about shoulder length, and long bangs that swept across their eyes, when they brushed the hair from their face their eyes were green.. light green with a darker green ring around it. They adorned an eyebrow piercing in their left eyebrow with purple studs that matched the same ones that were in their lower lip.

Ronnie's mouth went agape for a moment as he sucked in a breath of air. Why did it feel like he had suddenly run a marathon? His heart was beating wildly in his chest? The regular musk of ink and paper scent of the shop was replaced by something else…Flowery? Fruity? Mocha? it was a combination of the three that filled his nostrils, no doubt it was whatever this person was wearing. It was alluring. Ronnie had to swallow thickly and try to compose himself despite looking calm on the outside, his stomach was doing backflips and it only intensified when he saw them flash a toothy smile.

The smile on their face changed to one of concern, however. "Oh shit! Am I too loud!?" They reached for the remote to the sound system and turned it down a bit.

"No, no you're good. We just wanted to stop in and say hello, we heard Bobby had some family visiting and--"

"and ya'll had to rush over to see if I was a skinny-haired nerd too?" They interjected, grinning widely and Ronnie cracked a little smirk that didn't go unnoticed by Cliff.

"I-- we---" Mindy stammered in shock and Cliff looked rather embarrassed.

"It's alright, Bobby told me that it might happen. So who won?"

"Mindy." Cliff thumbed towards her and she shyly smiled.

"So Mindy.." they turned their attention to the older gentlemen.

"Cliff."

"Cliff…" They echoed as they turned towards Ronnie and their eyes flicked up to him.

"Oh, R-Ronnie-" He stammered, a small hitch in his voice as he reached over the case to shake their hand. Why was he so nervous? Again the stammer didn't go unnoticed this time by Mindy and Cliff.

"Kaden, nice to meet you Ronnie~" They smiled sweetly at Ronnie and he felt like his heart was going to explode in his chest yet on the outside he remained his calm and cool self or at least he thought he was.

"Well, it was a pleasure to meet you. Tell Bobby we said hi" Cliff smiled and turned on his heel.

"Coming Ronnie?" Mindy raised a brow, taking note of how his gaze seemed to be lingering on Kaden.

"Huh?" Ronnie broke his gaze and looked at Mindy.

"Are you coming?"

"Oh- uh-"

"Actually…" Kaden pressed their palms against the glass case as they leaned on it. "Can I borrow him for a bit? He has something I need."

"He does?" Mindy looked at Kaden curiously.

"I do?" Ronnie also looked to Kaden and why was he suddenly feeling nervous?

"Yeah. His height. Can you help me out with those.." Kaden pointed to a stack of boxes "Up there?" They pointed to the shelf that was closest to the ceiling. "Bobby wants to put up some of the new arrival comics but he clearly doesn't believe in owning a step ladder or at least one that I can find in this cluttered mess back here. I know it's an odd request but it seems like not much goes on here so can you spare your deputy for a moment?"

"I dunno, Ronnie? Can you be spared?" Mindy's lips pulled into a half smirk and Ronnie felt his heart sink into his stomach.

"Y-Yeah, no I can absolutely help out if you need it." Ronnie stammered again and Mindy shot him a knowing look.

"Great!" Kaden smiled.

Mindy and Cliff left and as they were outside Mindy offered Cliff another little bet..

"He's smitten."

"I see that."

"I give it a month tops before he crack."

"you're on."

Back inside Kaden motioned Ronnie to come around the counter. "Thanks for the help~" Kaden hummed softly.

"Oh, it's no problem." He replied softly. the look on his face was stoic and he offered a small smile to Kaden and noticed the way they soon followed suit, giving a small smile themselves and there were those butterflies again, slowly fluttering in Ronnie's stomach. He swallowed thickly again.

"Here you are sir~" Kaden chuckled as they went into the box and grathered a pile of comics in their hands. Although they didn't have the greatest grip on them within moments they were scattered across the floor. "Shit!"

Ronnie moved on instinct, squatting down to help with the mess as well as Kaden and within moments their heads collided with one another. Kaden hissed and held their head as did Ronnie.

"Ow!" Kaden exclaimed a small laugh coming from them as they glanced up at Ronnie who was also holding his head.

"Sorry..are you alright?" Ronnie asked as he looked over to see Kaden already staring at him. He took relief in the fact that Kaden was laughing and the sound sent a spark of warmth through his chest that he had never felt before.

"I'm okay..heh are you okay?" Kaden chuckled softly as they stood to their feet, handing Ronnie a bunch of books from up off the floor.

"I'm okay." He spoke softly, just above a whisper.

As Ronnie and Kaden finally straighten up, each holding a portion of the spilt sci-fi comics, the last few books find their way back onto the shelf. The slight bump on his head from their accidental collision is nothing compared to the rapid thumping in his chest. Ronnie can't help but replay the moment over and over in his mind, the soft surprise in Kaden's eyes, the brief touch of their hands. It's ridiculous, he thinks, how a simple accident feels like it's rewired his entire day—

As Ronnie and Kaden finally straighten up, each holding a portion of the spilt sci-fi comics, the last few books find their way back onto the shelf. The slight bump on his head from their accidental collision is nothing compared to the rapid thumping in his chest. Ronnie can't help but replay the moment over and over in his mind, the soft surprise in Kaden's eyes, the brief touch of their hands. It's ridiculous, he thinks, how a simple accident feels like it's rewired his entire day—no, his entire outlook on what he came into the comic shop for.

"Thanks for the help," Kaden says, their voice pulling him back from his daze, a smile playing on their lips. It's casual, the way they say it, but to Ronnie, it feels like a scene straight out of one of these comics—unexpected allies meeting in a twist of fate.

"No problem," Ronnie manages to say, hoping his voice sounds steadier than he feels. "Guess we made quite the team, huh?"

"Yeah, we did," Kaden agrees, their smile broadening, oblivious to the feelings that they've flamed inside Ronnie.

As they stand there, amidst the quiet hum of the shop and Kaden's music that was playing in the background, surrounded by tales of intergalactic adventures and time-travel mishaps, Ronnie finds himself wishing they were characters in one of those stories. It would be easier, maybe, to express how he feels if he could blame it on some cosmic anomaly or a twist of fate written into the stars. They just met after all and it would be weird to just blurt out that he found them attractive, plus that wasn't Ronnie. He was calm and collected at all times…..right?

He takes a moment, watching Kaden's enthusiasm for the comics, the way their eyes light up at certain titles, and he wonders if maybe, just maybe, there's a universe out there where he's brave enough to say, "Hey, I know we just met, and we might be nothing more than two strangers who bonked heads over a pile of comics, but I feel like there's something here. Do you feel it too?"

But he doesn't say any of that. Instead, he tucks those words and feelings away, a secret storyline that no one else gets to read. For now, he's content to bask in the aftermath to hold onto the spark of something new and thrillingly unknown.

"See you around?" he ventures, a tentative offer to extend this moment into something more a chance to see them again hopefully, less head-bonking encounters though.

"I'd like that," Kaden responds softly, the smile on their face ever-present. If Ronnie was paying more attention to Kaden than to his own inner thoughts and feelings he may have noticed the faint tint of pink that spread across Kaden's cheeks.

"Okay, well…see you later then."

"Bye, It was nice to meet you, Ronnie."

"Y-You too.." Ronnie stammered and was mentally kicking himself, he wasn't like this. He wasn't someone who allowed strong emotions get the better of him and yet here he was, heart racing and words faltering. He turned on his heel and headed out of the shop and allowed himself for the briefest moment to feel what he was feeling. He smiled fully to himself, something new and exciting was finally happening in this quiet little town.

Tag list: @ama-ships || @heatobrienswife || @kylars-princess || @roboraindrop || @lysandreslittlechatot || @dragonsmooch

Absolutely NO PRESSURE to read this. I didn't think I could make a 2000 word fic but hi? hello????? If you read it fucking thank you!? you're literally a rockstar and I'd die for you??? <3

#ACTUALLY HAVE TO PUT THIS UNDER A READ MORE WHAT THE HELLLLLLLL!?!??!?! HELLLOOOOO WHATS HAPPENING TO MEEEEE #Did I make a fic about nothing? possibly.. well ig not nothing.. its ronnies pov but I feel like shit so idk how this is going to come out #dlfkjsdlfkjds #but whatever its here and I'm sorry if you fell asleep lol #HE'S SO FRIGGIN CUTE! [shakes him] #LOOKIT THAT SUBTLE LITTLE SMIRK ON HIS FACE! LOOK AT IT! FUCKING CUTE LITTLE SHIT /affectionate #those who slay together stay together #my writing #ronnie 💞

[lecliss]

I'll never be able to take the theory that Vincent is Sephiroth's real father seriously cuz I cannot stress enough how important I think it is to the plot that Vincent wanted to fuck Lucrecia and did not get to.

#once again i jest but now i have to actually talk about it #like. okay we have no proof of any actual timeline for the dirge flashbacks other than. it was at least 30 years ago #so who knows how long they were at the manor. could have been weeks before The Incident. or months. or maybe a full year! who knows #but to me a timeline of like. they fucked and like a week later vincent found The Evidence and lucercia had her little breakdown #AND THEN EXTREMELY QUICKLY SHE AGREED TO THE EXPERIMENT AND IT COULD GO ONE OF TWO WAYS #1. she knew she was pregnant and thats why she agreed to the experiment cuz there was already a usable subject #and therefore she must have fucked hojo like a week after she fucked vincent AND THATS STUPID FAST FOR THESE EVENTS #or 2. she didnt know. agreed to the experiment. fucked hojo. and therefore thought seph was hojo's and NOT vincent's #AND BY THE WAY. i dont even actually believe hojo fucked either!!! cuz theyre both scientists so why wouldnt they think IVF was the best way #okay. well.... hojo is canonically a fucked up little freak. so. he might have taken the opportunity to... get in there. #also when did ivf even start being a thing? cuz that may play a factor into this if nomura even considered that #well either way lets just unfortunately assume hojo got in there #ITS STILL AN ODDLY FAST TIMELINE #also. fuck man doesnt lucrecia have a later line in dirge where she actually says shes in love with hojo? or something along those lines #IMPLYING ITS BEEN AWHILE SINCE SHE HAD THE FALLING OUT WITH VINCENT. YOU WOULDNT FUCK THE GUY AFTER ALL THAT SHIT #AND WHILE CLAIMING TO LOVE/CURRENTLY FALLING IN LOVE WITH HOJO!!!! LIKE CMON MAN!!!! SHE SUCKS BUT SHES NOT THAT KIND OF A MESS #i dont think vincent would fuck her until they sorted out their issues anyway and that CLEARLY didnt happen. #its VITAL that that did not happen!!!! #its just. if vincent and lucrecia fucked. everything would have had to happen EXTREMELY fast within like a 2 week timespan #and im just talking about up to when vincent learns shes partaking in the experiment. it was probably another week or two until vincent died #SO. logically it must have been like #fall in love->learn about the gimoire incident->refuse to speak to vincent->get obsessed with hojo->fall in love(?) #and then thats where i think its ambiguous on did the experiment become an idea before or after seph started to exist? #like chicken or the egg ya know. experiment idea or sephiroth zygote? #that feels fucked up to say. im so fucking sorry to seph to talk about this. yeah sorry i have to debate who fucked your mom bro #god imagine telling him that. like not even as a reveal thing cuz he knows who his father is. just like as a sick joke. your mom joke. #NO OH M Y GOD I HAVE A QUESTION NOW #in accordance to him having a photo of lucrecia in ever crisis. after he reads that jenova is an ancient (incorrect btw) #does he think that picture is still her? what about when he takes jenova's body from the lab???? #oh my god 30 tag limit. FUCK. i need like a rant blog for all this vincent talk now. my brain is going a mile a minute

[anxiously-sidequesting]

So I don't know if it was ever revealed how Duncan felt when we killed Malistaire all three times but I'm wondering if maybe some part of him could hate us for that too. Like you hear that and you go "but why. Malistaire was terrible and even Duncan knew that(?). Why would he hate you for getting rid of him."

But like I think it's so....... interesting in a very, very, very sad way how Duncan so easily latches onto anyone who directly feeds into his delusions of grandeur. And that's no fault of his own that he was manipulated by the nasty Schism but when you think about how desperately clung to the idea that Malistaire, easily one of the greatest necromancers any of us had ever heard of (at that time), somehow actually recognized Duncan's talents (even when canon supports that Duncan wasn't all that talented, at least no more than the next necromancer) and then praised him for it so often that Duncan believed that he would be the next Death Professor is. I mean ☹️

So like with that mindset I unfortunately feel like it would be quite easy to twist even Malistaire's death as something that's horrible and awful and all our fault. ESPECIALLY if the Schism was feeding into Duncan's already broken mind and shattered ego and was constantly telling him that everything bad that ever happened to him ever in his life was Our Fault. That's like a realistic conclusion that someone like Duncan could come to

And like, at this point in time, are Malistaire's crimes even a factor in how he thinks????? Was Duncan ever able to separate Malistaire's talent and skills and prowess from the terrible and awful things he did? If Duncan wasn't able to consciously tell that distinction in the first place I can't imagine it would be any better during the years he was being manipulated and isolated and lied to

Like in Duncan's mind it probably isn't, "maybe I shouldn't idolize a national criminal, or idolize anyone at all for that matter, and aspire to be like someone so harmful when I can recognize my own talent and build from there" it's probably more like, "you (the wizard) permanently got rid of a brilliant mind, an innocent person who just made a few mistakes, and someone who believed in me no matter what just so that you could be the better than me and loved by everyone else" and that's! very sad actually!

#this is all speculation btw idk if any of this is canon. how duncan feels about all this #i know i keep saying the exact same shit over and over but.... really not a fan of how the game handled duncan! sorry! #i know wizard101 isnt supposed to be about every single character gets a satisfying ending to their arc- #-meaning not everyone in the story will face consequences and/or find a happy ending and like thats fine they dont need to #but idkkkk its just imo really sad how essentially a kid suffers frrom something he cant control by himself (his ego)- #and then instead of getting help he is instead ignored (ambrose) and then manipulated and brought up by a cult #and then when it becomes super apparent how... TERRIBLE his life really is and we defeat him he just... goes back?????? #we.... we LET him go back???? i mean we're not responsible for other people's bad decisions or mental health but bro.... #and then when we tell ambrose he's just like “oh. too bad. well anyways-” AND IM LIKE WELL THATS THE REASON!!!!! NO WONDER HE'S FUCKED UP #NONE OF THIS IS ADDRESSED. NONE OF IT. WE KICK DUNCAN'S ASS AND THEN HE.... GOES BACK TO THE CABAL #i literally just got so desolate when (wallaru spoilers) because. okay. all that for nothing i guess #this isnt me being mad btw LMAO i know the tone probably reads as angry but im not im just disappointed #and tired. what is it with wizard101 in particular and just people suffering with no end. (me as i make my main suffer with no end) #but anyways yeah duncan has been in my head for a while. he's one of the guys that i love a lot BDKSNSKAJ #he's like a son to me and HE NEEDS A HEALTHY PARENT. HE NEEDS IT #not excusing his actions btw. he still committed crimes JRKDJSIEJ #i just have a soft spot for those villains in media who are doomed from the start yknow. (stares tearfully at morganthe and gf spider) #wizard101 #wiz101 #w101 #text posts #duncan grimwater #im not normal about duncan at all he's probably the wozard oc i feel for the most other than malorn and us

[verdiesque]

Man fuck my international friends fr

#im sorry this is gonna be long and angry and emotional #and if anyone takes it personally just chalk it up to my 2am breakdown #but like im so tired. #whenever something happens somewhere i'm supposed to know and care and have a correct opinion #especially the uni groupchat just loooooooves discussing politics #(and they're all liking my instagram stories i guess yeah they're good at that) #but as soon as theres a political crisis is in my country? radio silence. #ok the country is small and unimportant but ppl who allegedly care about me could bother to at least ask how i'm dealing with it. #only one person did it and he's literally on holiday lol #international solidarity blabla but i guess asking for a fucking shred of sympathy or expression of support is too much #i don't fucking care and i'll be damned if i ever express support for any kind of movement in the west again. #anyway whew. my apologies to everyone who read that #i tried to register for free counselling at uni but all slots were taken up #so i'm dumping it all here #bc i feel so fucking alone and isolated #like it's not a surprise that nobody gives a flying fuck about me but i thought this is just basic courtesy lmao #but nooo i have to bring it up for those people to just nod and go yeah that's so bad anyway. #like. fucking hell mate #logging off again sorry i can't deal with this shit rn #once again sorry idk where else to dump this all my other social media is way too respectable #(and i have irl people on there soooo)

[starlooove]

Like talon dick au, league jason/tim au, meta literally anybody else, bruce treating tim the worst because he came after Jason, etc.

These are all themes and ideas you could explore with the characters they actually apply to and it’s not lost on me that such a heavily queer fandom ignores black and brown people and women so much in favor of white men who are canonically cops, or have classist ideals, or whatever. It’s not even the aus themselves that are bad (well. To you ig) it’s the fact that it’s so obvious that ur yearning for a specific character or story that’s already there and just waiting to be explored in full but you can’t see poc as people enough to do it.

Anything you write about talon dick can be explored through cass, league cracker aus through Damián, meta anyones through Duke, tim being hated through Stephanie. These are themes that ALREADY exist but y’all are so entangled in making white men kiss that u ignore them it’s so fucking weird. Even that ‘trying c+ parent’ thing with Bruce where he knows he’s paranoid and controlling but he knows statistically it helps but he also wants his family to be happy? Or him being the only smart competent person ever (🫥) and backbone of the JL? That could be Babs! READ BIRDS OF PREY!

Anyways it’s just so disingenuous like first of all I don’t believe anyone who says they don’t read enough ONLY to include Duke; not only bc it’ll be someone who’s self admittedly never read anything but also bc Duke is THEE easiest character to get into rn. I don’t believe people who write the aus above and have the characters they actually apply to as cardboard cutouts in the background have any care for said characters and I don’t believe that people who project their own “leftist” ideals onto white characters before even THINKING about a woman believe shit. That’s just me tho idc

#like no on that last point #sorry if you’ve ever written or drawn smth that’s about the robins but not about Steph #I believe u have more internalized misogyny left in u than the average person #if you’ve talked about ppl being trained by assassins or having a hard time emotion due to parental expectations #and ur not talking about cass or Damián? #ur talking about shit u MADE UP (bc I’m not gonna stop saying that Janet and Jack are MADE UP) for tim? #I believe you have more internalized racism than the average person. #and so on and so forth #idc what u preach online like it’s so obvious that u have to put effort into seeing us as people #which like great first step but then u think ur done? u think going ‘oh yeah dukes here too!’ #or ‘Bruce WAS mean to Steph…which means she gets how tim feels!’ #and u think that’s it? ur full of shit #obligatory this is not about character specific blogs #well to an extent like ​if u run a blog where u talk about Jason and nothing else but Jason idc about not including Duke #however when ur making posts and art about literally everyone else as well or u talk about those beats or aus up above that y’all made up #*loud incorrect buzzer* #Also #I’m not saying Babs is the only competent member of BOP far from it #I’m saying that the dynamics y’all give Bruce with the league is literally u yearning for oracle. #also on the I don’t believe anyone who’s said they haven’t read Duke #that’s like. in unison with everything else going on #u saying u don’t read Duke ALONE is not enough for me not to believe u it’s everything else stacked on it too

[limielle]

idk i feel like so much discourse could be easily minimized if people learned to say "i think" instead of "it is"

#like “i think this is a bad game” is way less abrasive/aggressive than “this is a bad game” #do u know where im going w this like #it's literally 2 extra words and it could avoid like 99% of confrontation #ofc there would still be people who are like “omg how can u hate smth i like ur trash” but idk i feel like so much of this discourse u see #on twt especially #is like ? just people being deliberately aggressive abt stuff they dont like to antagonise others and then going “its just my opinion” #and it's hard to read tone online so it's often hard for me (and im sure for others ?? idk actually) to read whether or not sm1 is being #like. just sharing what they think vs them trying to bait out people who will defend smth they like #idk ive been trying to find ffxiv people to follow bc getting back into the game and finally being confident in my art to draw for it also #has me looking for ppl to follow but i wanna avoid the big livetweet first time experiencers and unfortunately that leaves #a lot of people who are afraid of dawntrail/unhappy with the current patch quests #of which i am neither and i also dont want to log on to the internet every day just to see ppl shitting on things u know ? #and i have seen a LOT of like #'x sucked' and 'fandom lacks critical reading skills' and whatnot #but then u see what theyre talking abt and all theyre doing is shitting on the game itself or going 'x expansion was mid' #like . if u stopped phrasing ur opinions as objective fact i feel like maybe ud avoid half those arguments id k??? #just words #SORRY im talkative today the truth is i worked on a drawing veyr hard and i do not have the strength to colour it but it will not look good #without colour and i feel like i cant move on without it so i went and replayed shadowbringers instead and cried a lot #and now i have lots of icarus feelings again #WOW loiok at me writing an essay out here i overshare so much im sorry

[hella1975]

idk how irl celebrities handle fame at a young age like at seventeen i had a couple hundred people regularly interacting with me and putting me on a pedestal and that almost made me crazy. i see new writers getting attention in fandom and i immediately have to put myself in front of them and start barking. get behind me girl

#I FEEL LIKE THIS SHOULD BE TALKED ABOUT MORE LMAO LIKE EVEN THOUGH IT'S A VERY SMALL AMOUNT OF ATTENTION #COMPARED TO LIKE. ACTUAL CELEBRITY #IT'S STILL INSANE LIKE FOR THE PAST THREE YEARS IVE HAD RECURRING INSTANCES OF PEOPLE BEING WEIRD #AND PUSHING BOUNDARIES AND GENERALLY FORGETTING IM AN ACTUAL REAL LIFE PERSON #AND EVEN A LOT OF THOSE WHO AREN'T - ACCIDENTALLY OR INTENTIONALLY - NEGATIVE ABOUT IT #STILL VERY CASUALLY TALK ABOUT ME LIKE IM SOME SUPERIOR FORCE #LIKE IM JUST A GUY ACTUALLY #AND EVEN THOUGH IM ONLY TWENTY I CAN HANDLE IT A LOTTTTTTT BETTER #BUT SOMEONE NEEDS TO DO A STUDY ON THIS SHIT FOR YOUNGER PEOPLE #BC AT SEVENTEEN I REALLY REALLY CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH HOW BAD THAT SHIT WAS FOR ME LMAO #and now i just go crazy overprotective of newer/more unsure writers/artists in fandom #if ur reading this and ive done this to you then my bad <3 #like if we're in the same circle and you get a mean ask/comment/experience then it's truly a matter of time before i descend from the sky #sorry <3 it will happen again <3 #someone ive interacted with maybe one time: i got a mean ask- #me immediately seeing red: do you want me to kill them for you #nothing triggered this post btw it's just something that's on my mind a lot #i feel like a war veteran and im literally a student. ive been in the trenches besties. i have suffered more than jesus i think

[pepperpixel]

Hello! I watched your speedpaints on repeat when I was in middle school (like 6 years ago) and sometimes still go back and watch them for the sake of nostalgia and good music. I just wanted to let you know you’ve touched my life and left a print, thank you 🤍

Thank you. So so much. For sending me this??? The me who made all those youtube videos. Doesn’t exist anymore. Life got harder. In so many new and horrible ways. And that like. Spark to create kinda died. And also I had more important shit to worry about all of a sudden. But. Knowing that it left on impact on someone enough to send me a message. Years after I’ve stopped making them tho. Idk.. that means something.. I appreciate you didn’t forget about me! (/my videos lol. I kno u don’t kno me. My vids and art feel a bit like. An extension of me tho? In a way. But I kno that it’s not a 1:1 thing. My art an videos express thoughts ideas and feelings of mine. But they are not. Me. Just lil slivers of me.. Tiny lil portions from specific moments in time.)

Sometimes it feels like those videos were just a flash in the pan. A brief moment of attention and fame I didn’t grab onto hard enough… and now the moments long gone. but. I didn’t rlly want to grab onto it, I just wanted to make fun videos. And show off my music taste lol. And express. The music videos my brain would create in my head into the real world. And then I got too busy w real life kicking my ass. (Ps. life has now stopped kicking my ass!! It’s gotten better. Just. Not the same as it was before) Maybe I’ll get back into it one day. If I have any new ideas. Once I get stable and know what I’m doing. And get like an iPad or something so I don’t have to wrangle w my laptop lol. But yeah!!! Srry.. I’m rambling a lot.. this message just made me emotional ok! I’m being openly vulnerable in turn hopefully that’s not too weird lol. I’m happy my videos had an impact on your life!! That means. A fucking ton. Like. Words cannot properly express the weird happy feeling that gives me in my heart. Thank you so much!! For real!!! Srry for getting all in depth about my life again this message just!!! Struck an introspective chord w me!!!

#like.. god damn #I guess it’s like… when I think about back then. and now. it’s weird. it’s so so weird #but this rlly! made me really happy to read!!! Srry if my reply is inarticulate or weird I’m bad at words and this is like a complicated #emotion to express without getting way too sappy and introspective and vulnerable #so I gave up on not being sappy and introspective and vulnerable to try and express it! #but I probably still didn’t do it 100% properly lol. hopefully u get the idea tho! #so yeah. thank u lol #I hope u have a good life dude! from: the guy who made those vids u liked… #time and life are so weird.. I hope we all get to have good life’s. u ask person #me. anybody reading my tags. anybody not reading my tags. idk!!! I just hope shit goes well! and we can get thru the bad times! #and have a good time. bein alive. to the best of our abilities… #ok. I’m gonna shut up now. this has gotten sappy and emotional enough ghghg #thank u.. again… Srry for goin off in weird tangents my brain just felt compelled #I have comfort nostalgia vids I like watching too. that just. mean a lot to me. I’m happy. that my videos can give u that feeling! #assks #sorry that’s my tag for. responding to asks. I promise I’m not calling u an ass #idk why I made that my tag ghgh- lil me was fuckin stupid lol #I say that w affection but I def was ghg. ok now for real for real shutting up! thank u again!

[xxlethal-lunaxx]

If anyone relates to this even just a little bit, then I'm so sorry.

#• luna lavinchi speaking • #living with cptsd #cptsd vent #complex ptsd #diet culture trauma #monsters inside me #toxic health culture #ex vegitarian/vegan #emotional flashbacks #health documentaries #dark side of veganism #i should have never been forced to watch these as a child..my mind wasn't ready to understand the information nor tell what was real or not #-i cant try sushi or even think about fish without feeling physically sick and dizzy. i haven't had McDonald's since i was like 6ish years- #-old..i never wanted to share this information but i need to vent. I feel embarrassed and rude for not liking a food chain that most of the #-population does. Smelling or seeing McDonald's makes me wanna puke so bad because of everything those documentaries would say. #I will never be able to eat McDonald's in my life because of how sick and terrified i feel when thinking about the food even the drinks- #-scare the shit out of me. I'm so pissed that I'm triggered. All of the sudden i smell something in the house that smells like McDonald's- #-then the memories come flooding back and i feel like puking so back so i cant even eat dinner. i know this may seem stupid but i am- #-genuinly scared. Im tired of this shit and tired of feeling alone in this. #(anyway sorry. if you read my vent then i appreciate you) #tw food talk #tw diet culture #tw vent in tags #(dont even get me started on parasites cause thats a whole fucking trauma itself. damn it i hate it all. i hate it so much) #(also note: my therapist made me feel so validated weeks ago when i told her during my session that i was traumatized by monsters inside me- #-she literally knew the name of the show before i could even say its name. and she said she also cant watch it and that she saw it as an- #-adult who doesn't have ocd. so she told me she can't even imagine how terrified i was to watch it as a child who was developing ocd.- #-therapist W)