#i fucking miss living by myself

[army-of-bee-assassins]

god i wish i didn't have some weird fucking kitchen anxiety where i can't cook dinner unless i'm home alone. normally i can meal prep in the afternoon when my landlord/housemate is at work but she's had a friend staying with us for almost two weeks (!) now who is here at literally all times. and i need to cook food to eat for dinner but i don't want to i don't want to i don't want to

#i have been given zero information about when this person will be leaving either!! #i was told she was here for thanksgiving but it is almost a week past thanksgiving now and she's still here!! #and ofc it would be rude for me to ask #she has a job tho i know she's gotta be leaving soon #also she is a perfectly pleasant person i just want to be home alone sometimes!!! #idk why i'm like this i wanna blast music or a podcast i wanna not worry about how i look or my clothes #i wanna make a mess and not worry about cleaning it immediately #i fucking miss living by myself #i've been eating frozen dinners the past two nights and i was gonna cook today #but i just didn't want to and now it's almost 5 and the landlord will be home soon #and i don't wanna eat another frozen dinner but i also can't afford to just eat out again #i think i have some ramen and that's a tolerably simple and easy thing to cook quickly #so i'll probably do that #i am gonna have to cook on friday whether people are home or not #bc i'm not gonna cook on the weekend when they are guaranteed to be here #i hate that i'm like this and i should fucking get over it but also i don't want to #i enjoy socializing outside of my home but within my home i want to be fucking by myself #j.txt

[simcardiac-arrested]

@bitsbug thank you so much this is the best idea ever

#suns after trying to convince pebbles that life is beautiful and worth living and failing 50484047 times: I should go fuck myself #myart #rain world #five pebbles #seven red suns #i fucking miss suns so much it’s hurting me. my little failboy (gender neutral) #sorry for putting you on blast bits but your tags are simply wonderful

[sporesgalaxy]

godddddd i need to make a marionette someday. so bad. and it could be a little clown

#watching marionette videos to confirm to myself i am not normal abojt them #scratches the animation itch and the live performance itch please god please i miss her #i had so much fun with my stupid janky dragon puppet.... i still have him...... #ARE THERE MARIONETTES ON TIKTOK. FUCK. WAIT. THAT MIGHT FINALLY TEMPT ME. FUCK #SHAKING YOU AROUND TIKTOKS STUPID AUDIO SHIT IS SO PERFECT FOR MARIONETTE PERFORMANCE . IS ANYONE CAPITALIZING ON THIS #adddna

[lunarkittenn]

I rarely take pictures anymore. It’s like I just don’t want to remember any moment from this part of my life lol

#me #mine #girls with tattoos #myself #girls with glasses #girls with piercings #fairy aesthetic #fairycore #you know I come on here or I look through Snapchat memories #and even at my saddest I did not know or understand real pain #now that I do I feel so different #so old and so worn out #I feel like all the color has drained from my being #I’m not even a person anymore #I have horrid ptsd now #the only way I can really hangout with my dad is to play iPhone chess bc he’s sitting in a fucking hospital bed #oh god it all hurts so bad to think about #it makes me want to throw up #I miss who I was three years ago before all the pain #how does someone even come back from all of this #how do I see the things I’ve seen and lose what’s I’ve lost and move on to live a normal life #I had seemed to learn every life lesson the hard way and always fall in love with the wrong ppl #I had a very tough time loving myself which is still true #but that was all stuff like I could live with and grow from #this is just a deep set pain idk

[cosmignon]

greetings current spg fandom i have a poll formed from curiosity

if u are learning this from my post, you vote the "someone else" option.

I am rly curious just bc despite it feeling like extremely obvious and sense making to me the album itself doesn't ever tell you out right the connection is there, or that there's a concret split timeline, just scatters little hints hither and thither

#vice quadrant #steam powered giraffe #era of sara #this could be flattering myself but i think me and my partner figured it out right after the album released #bc peter 4 going missing was on the general timeline for forever... fire fire was all we ever rly had until VQ #then we get TWO guys who BOTH have their lives changed by a catalysmic space station destruction. on the 4th album. #suspicious as fuck lol. #i remember the brief period before it was officially confirmed ppl were arguing against it bc one of the bennetts at one point said #the astronaut was 'some asshole' or the like #to which i say. yeah maybe peter 4 was just some asshole hrsldgfsjkgd #anyways VQ and general SPG lore lived deep in my brain for several years hi

[werebutch]

My mom getting a new place is kinda making me anxious I think she thinks I’m gonna move in w her instead of my dad 😭 and I’m not sure why I don’t want to. Cuz she’s way better. But I don’t. And I feel responsible I think and plus my sisters will never favor my mom over my dad… so we’d live apart. but I’m 20 years old I can live whatever I want. But. But but but

#idk I really like our house too. it’s great. it’s exactly my style. I would miss it LMAO #but again my mom is just.. she’s so much more organized and she and my stepdad actually get stuff done #and take care of themselves. living w her would be more like we’re roommates and not how it is w my dad #who needs to be taken care of and doted on like a child. my sisters too but I don’t think they’d survive living without me at my dads 💀 #or they’d be really pissed at me. at the least #my dads house is constantly horrible so messy so so so bad no free counterspace anywhere can barely walk thru the house and cat vomit #everywhere. unless I take care of all of it. I can’t have company over unless I know a week in advance so I can make it look like a normal #house. and at my moms it’s never like that. it’s messier than average sure but it’s never disgusting like that #people are always telling me not to do anything and let my family learn to clean up after themselves but if I don’t it will just get worse #and worse. they’ll wait weeks before doing anything. it’s embarrassing. and depressing. if I let it go long enough I am miserable every day #after being homeless or on the verge of homelessness for 10 years my dad can’t even appreciate the fantastic house we have 😭 #he has to fuck it all up. it’s not 100% his fault bc my sisters do fuck all but he DID teach them to be this way. the only reason I do #anything is because I snapped out of planning to kill myself and realized that I needed to be there for my sisters. so I started being like #their parent more and more. but they still never learned to unload the dishwasher or take out the trash without screaming about it. #I’m just very overwhelmed and nervous about this move. I also feel horrible as if I’m disappointing my mom if I don’t move in. I don’t want #to disappoint her any more than I already have.. #she is soooo excited about giving me a room the basement so I can have my bunnies there..

[natjennie]

like seriously whatever you do dont think about the captain and that story about someone calling into gay bars and not saying anything, just listening to queer people living and laughing and having fun. definitely don't think about the captain doing that. haha.

#both during his life and in death #i just looked it up and the 1930s british queer scene was beautiful like jazz age stuff #the idea of the captain just discretely privately calling into places he's heard rumored to be queer #just to listen to the saxophone over the static of the telephone and know that there were gay people living and loving somewhere #and then to think about him missing that EVEN MORE in death because now he cant LEAVE #he cant hear rumors from people he cant call in #imagine the favors he'd have to owe julian to dial a number and let cap listen to the receiver without knowing what it is #like of course julian wants to know and he pesters him. but when cap is Deadly Serious and scared and sad. #a face julian's never seen. he winds his jokes down and agrees to do it #making cap think it was his idea- 'a bit of charity for the old walrus then'- instead of a deep understanding and love #and since its been decades of course the number he calls isnt a gay club anymore. maybe it doesnt even connect #and it breaks his heart and it takes him another decade to gather intel and the nerve to ask julian again #but when he does he finally gets a place and the phone quality is INCREDIBLE he can hear so much #he can hear people and their upbeat music and their laughter and their love #and he cries #and if julian sees it and pretends not to then its so that he can have the blackmail later thank you for asking #anyway im making myself emotional #bbc ghosts #EDIT Becuase then when julian overhears he tries subtly to make the captain feel more comfortable #bc julian is an asshole but he's not homophobic i mean he fucks everyone #so he tries to pepper in more stories about men but that just makes cap uncomfortable #and hes frustrated bc he cant think of anything else to do other than flirt with him but thats a bad idea #but then he remembers that he went to bars and places and maybe he'll like that #so he 'accidentally' dials some clubs he knows were cool and leaves the phone off the receiver for cap to find #and cap just gives him a curt nod and a clearing of his throat and they Dont Talk about it but they Know

[the-sparkling-diamond-satine]

also just gonna brag about myself for a hot second (because i missed the anniversary in the fall) and say that. it's been 4 1/2ish years since my last attempt and like. look at me go? still here, still fighting. and i very much WANT to be here. that's progress. might not seem like much but i'm proud to have made it to this point. i want to be alive and i've found friends who are glad i'm alive, and that's not nothing

that's not nothing 💖

#there are still people who dont want me here and it isnt always easy but it IS worth it #also fuck those guys they dont matter #ive got silly little gay fanfics to write and friends to talk to and media to experience #and a whole lotta life left to live #also debating if this is embarrassing to post. there is so much shame. but im so tired of being ashamed of where ive been #my mental health and shitty people in my life have thrown so much at me and im still standing #and idk. i wanna give myself a hug #maybe a gold star #maybe remind myself that i matter and theres people who would miss me if i werent here #if i werent here to make all the btvs and mr! characters trans. who would?? #thats Important to the fandom ecosystem #happy to be alive :) #beatrice.txt #tw suicide ment

[rabble-dabble]

and by the way i fucking deserved better. you came back with your hand held out and asked me to love you again like i was a fool, like you knew i wanted you to do but you forgot friendship is a two way street and i loved you deeper than you loved yourself. i heard myself in your words and i knew the answer before you asked the question because i spent a year grieving and a year growing and another two years healing and three more years forgetting and you sent me a message asking me to forgive you as if i already hadn't done so. you asked to try again and i almost became the fool that did it because once upon a time we were best friends then we weren't and i cried at night wishing you'd come crawling back to say those words to me again. and i thought of all the ways i could tear you apart with my teeth before carefully mending you back together with my sparkly glue and my shaky sowing needle.

but in reality i knew if i let you in again that i could forgive you but i'd never be able to forgive myself. i'd be looking into the past and spitting into the face of the kid who gave up everything he felt about you to become me and i needed to let you go like the sand between my cupped hands. the ocean cleans away the grit and leaves seashells in them. its a reminder that there are still things to find and cherish. i deserve to love the world and you will not be a part of it. i am not sorry for that.

#text post #rabble poem #friendship #vent #the audacity of ex best friends to message you like 'hayyyyy' #begone bitche #and also imagine my face when i find out my message to her was in the echo of the vent letter i wrote in a vent book #i could forgive her but i'd never forgive myself <- fav line btw. no i am not being normal about it #also yeah i blocked her ass she was like 'i miss youuuuuu i miss our friendshiiiip' #girl. 6 years too late what. we homoerotically broke up /queer platonically in MIDDLE SCHOOL move ON #me as i say the most fucked up writing possible. listen i deserve it i was normal about it for like a MONTH #imagine my surprise when i open my facebook messanger at work and i see her name like i almost threw away the whole damn phone #she said she couldnt stop thinking about me tho like LMAO i live rent free in ur head?? have fun with that bye <3

[hxhhasmysoul]

wouldn't it be nice if the author of the fics finished them. the author is me.

#vent #for the last 4 months my life has been in stupid crisis mode #like constantly #from major ones where i had to move out for a while because it was impossible to stay where i lived #to not being able to use my kitchen for over a week #and like other more or less minor house related stuff that made it impossible for me to use something normally #not a single week without something like that or shit at work which is constantly being so fucking chaotic #and now someone died in my family #not someone very close but i liked them #and of course like feeling sad that they are gone can't be the only thing #because it has to come with the headache of i need to travel for their funeral and it's just before easter #so there's no one in this city to leave my dog with #because most of my friends either live abroad or have cats or are busy before easter.. #i'd just want a week where nothing happens #and like the writing is weighing heavy on me #because i miss it #also i wish i could finish something #i wish something good would happen that i could feel proud off #also because i'm mentally ill and fucking stupid when i was going crazy with my kitchen not working and work shit #i bought new furniture #because after 15 years i've finally had enough money to buy some that aren't fucking black and inconvenient and ugly #which is like a huge project and a crisis i brought onto myself #just because i was too burnt out to write #and i wanted something nice to happen to me #like a nice living space that doesn't make feel like i have no ownership over it because everything in it was some else's choice #and that old furniture was bought by my mother and my brother ages ago and it's handmedowns #and my fucking horrible mother feels personally slighted that i want to get rid of a bed that is broken #because my brother's kids jumped on it regularly when they used to visit pre covid #yeah it's been broken that long because i lost all my savings during covid and had to change careers to a souless pointless corpo job #long pathetic whine and overshare over

[magentagalaxies]

vent incoming:

got my grades back for my courses last semester and most of it was to be expected, mostly A's, maybe an A-, etc. but i honestly can't get over the fact that my independent study (the buddy cole documentary) was for some reason given a B. like sure getting a B isn't bad per se, I usually get at least one B every semester and i honestly don't really care about what my exact gpa is as long as i can graduate, but come on. this school put me through months of psychological torment over this project and didn't even have the nerve to give me a B+??? i'm still coping with the self-doubt they forced on me and this bullshit is not helping!!

#honestly it's kind of hilarious ngl. especially bc i also got my documentary work counted as an independent study the previous semester #and the previous semester even tho i barely worked on the doc itself #(mostly just planning and putting together the crowdfunding which was still a lot of work but like compare it to the past few months) #they were willing to give me an A (my school doesn't do A+ so this is the highest mark possible) #vs this semester. like i'll admit my final assignment was late and could have been more polished #but i was literally on tour in documentary-mode 24/7 for several weeks. i filmed an entire comedy special! i put together a live interview! #not to mention having to fucking negotiate with my own college censoring the footage they'd promised me of an event i put together #and play nice with a professor who literally outed me on twitter in an attempt to cancel one of my best friends #at this point the ''B'' feels more like a petty grudge than anything else #like ok we can't get away with *actually* fucking over jessamine's grades bc clearly ze did do the work. but let's just give zir a B #like i will admit the audio quality in my final isn't great. and i could have used more polished footage in some sections #but counterpoint: 100+ students were arrested at a protest while i was editing and i was having a mental breakdown #the fact that i finished *anything* is goddamn impressive especially after they essentially conditioned me to hate myself any time i was #working on a project i loved!!! #due to the aforementioned student arrests my college did put out an option where we could change any letter grade this semester to pass/fai #so anything passing wouldn't impact our gpa if we didn't want it to. so i could just change the B to a ''pass'' #but really what's the point. ''B'' is still a good grade and my GPA is fine (3.65 on a 4.0 grading scale. 2.0 is required to graduate) #it just sucks that after what i went through last semester i feel like nobody takes it seriously #i was reminiscing earlier about how it's honestly kind of funny how after that professor outed me on twitter #i was at the hotel with scott like an hour later sobbing and having an existential crisis about my relationship to gender #and scott was so supportive but also awkwardly being like #''i know i should offer the crying child a tissue but where the fuck are the tissues in this room what do i do'' #and he just handed me a full-on towel instead like oh my god he was trying his best but also so clearly out of his depth #but of course i then had to remember how when i told that story to a different professor to be like ''this is how much scott cares about me #this guy called me fucking UNPROFESSIONAL for crying in front of the subject of my documentary????????? #like yeah maybe so but how DARE you call me unprofessional when a different professor tweeted my full name and gender without my consent #in an attempt to fucking cancel one of my friends for ''misgendering'' me for using pronouns i'm fine with him using!!! #i don't think i'm ever going to be able to forgive my college and i don't know how i'll be able to get through one more semester #that experience genuinely changed things about my psychology that i'm not proud of and i need to work through #so if i have to miss a goddamn kids in the hall event because i have class this november i am going to set something on fire

[fleetsonourgecentral]

I suddenly remember That you never told us how a meeting between Prime/Archie! Sonic and Fleetway (Amnesiac/Good) Super Sonic would go.

Also I want to read Fleetway Sonic and scourge reactions if They somehow end Up dating (I like Fleetonic and I need something to draw lol)

I imagine any meeting between Prime and Super would likely come after Prime has already had the misfortune of meeting Sonic, and subsequently had at least one (1) argument about Super. If the argument hasn't already happened by the time Prime and Super meet, it's definitely imminent. I imagine Prime would be a lot more forgiving of Super than Sonic is (partly because he just doesn't have the same baggage Sonic does and partly because he's just overall less of a dick) so he'd be sympathetic to his plight. He'd be much quicker to believe Super when he says he doesn't want to be that evil person who hurts and kills people for fun. Sonic would scoff and call him a trusting idiot, but it's not that Prime is oblivious to or ignoring the danger that Super can cause, he just doesn't believe dogpiling the guy about it will actually help his situation

Sonic's reaction to finding out they're dating would just be more "I think you're fucking stupid" or, depending on how not-awful his relationship with Super is, just a quiet scoff. He probably tells Prime that if he's soooo fond of Super, then he can take Super with him back to his dimension, but he's probably also secretly worried about Prime actually following through, because if anything goes wrong, Sonic isn't there to help stop it. Chaos energy in the fleetway dimension is fucky and corrupted; for all his bitching and "don't come crying to me if he tries to kill all your friends", Sonic doesn't actually want another universe to suffer from that corrupted energy. He definitely doesn't want the chaos energy in the prime zone to become corrupted the same way his was, either

I can't imagine Scourge has much emotional attachment to Super to care too much. Like, he sees a part of himself in Super, specifically in how both of their identities used to be tied to Sonic, but he doesn't like that he can relate to Super. He doesn't hate or dislike him, but he definitely doesn't like him, either. He just often ends up being the one Ebony calls for out of everyone else in the freedom fighters because he's the one with the least amount of history with Super, so Super doesn't put him on edge the same way he does everyone else. So if Super started dating Prime, he'd probably just make some snarky comment about weak-hearted goody-two-shoes flocking together

Ultimately, the two of them together will probably mock the relationship. They probably only find out because one of them comes home and immediately starts bitching about how "did you HEAR Super and Prime are dating now???" and then they spend an hour talking shit about them. After all, even if Sonic has warmed up to Super a little, he probably still doesn't trust him or is comfortable being around him, and Scourge is a stubborn fucker who won't change his mind about disliking Prime out of sheer spite, so neither Prime nor Super have much of Sonic and Scourge's respect

#sonic the hedgehog #scourge the hedgehog #fleetway sonic #stc sonic #asks #headcanon #fleetway super sonic #prime sonic #they would not be polite about it because they're fucking rude #prime and super are missing nothing tbh let them live in bliss away from these two assholes (affectionate) #i'd elaborate more on sonic and super's relationship but 1 i'm sadly not that familiar with sonic's characterisation in the archie comics #(yes i could fix this by reading the comics properly no i won't do that. SO many issues of that comic and i am. so lazy) #and 2 i feel like that would probably be a little too off topic for this blog #probably shouldn't spam the ship blog with posts talking about a different ship lol #the amount of times i have to remind myself to stay on topic instead of replying with unrelated shit when i'm answering an ask is unreal lo #i'm so sorry i couldn't make the 'scourge and sonic finding out' part a fic btw #i WANTED to but the writing part of my brain was Not Cooperating #i hope writing what few thoughts i could scrape up as headcanons will suffice instead #either way thank you for the question

[inkykeiji]

>.<

#tw clari overshares #i really need to start making new friends on here and being more active #but the issue is just the mere *thought* of that fucking terrifies me #just typing out that single sentence has my heart pounding and my hands shaking and my stomach churning #i really wish i was kidding or over-exaggerating #i want so badly to make new friends and be active in a little community on here again #but i’m so so so scared #(of what?????????? of what!!!!!!!!!!!) #bring me back to 2020 clari who talked to people despite the anxiety and was so damn active and was having an absolute blast!!! #what happened to her!!!!! #she got really sick i guess #it’s crazy like sometimes i just scroll through my archive and i can SEE it #i can see myself getting sicker and sicker and withdrawing more and more #feeding into the fear and letting it win #and now i’m here #in this hole that i’m going to have to claw myself out of IN SPITE OF the terror i feel #i miss being a part of this community so much #i miss being able to post little drabbles willy nilly and not having breakdowns over them not being perfect #NOT obsessing over my own work and flaws it may have #i miss having fun #YES my writing is extremely important to me and YES i want to one day write for a living in some capacity #but since when did that mean i had to cut everyone off??? seclude myself in a protective little bubble??? #the only person who can fix this is me #(obviously hahaha) #it’s about time i put on my big girl pant(ie)s and faced that fear head on #i’m so sick of it dominating and controlling so much of my life #why did i let it take something so fucking important to me??? #i have to end it!!! #if u got this far in the tags: thank you and i’m sorry for venting #i just feel like i NEED to say this

[abelas]

got 30cm of snow twice in one week. lads, i think ive got to move somewhere warm year round

#i say as i just got a job 1 hr north of here HA. #northern canadian winters babes. miss toronto but cant afford it anymore. too many people now too.. the traffic drove me BONKERS the last #time i drove through there. like how did i ever live around so many people #anyway. have to tell myself this isnt forever for my own fucking sanity #ITS FOR THE JOB!!!! i need to remind myself of that ahhaah #personal

[sparring-spirals]

oh GOD i have work tomorrow. shit. but you know who doesnt.... bc... theyre dead......😭

#i have missed this dearly but also Ah Fuck #spar speaks #cr spoilers #c3e91 #WHAT. a thing to experience live. #i actually dont think i experienced c2s pc death live so this is a PROPER first first (w/o revival options) #damn. #okay. forcing myself offline. everyone take care of yourselves! drink water. step away if needed. etc etc.

[dangerousdan-dan]

Just when I'm trying to be more social again, something will happen that reminds me why I'm a hermit

#vent ahead: #i tried to get my friends together to celebrate passing my exam #I'm not the kind of person who celebrates stuff about myself but I said fuck it I deserve it and I miss my friends #and they turned it into a drama and gossip fest #i don't care i really don't i just want to play cards against humanity and have a good time #i haven't seen these ppl in months and they either brought their romantic partners and ignored me alltogether #hijacked the evening and made it about them or didn't even arrive #why do they have to turn a simple celebration into something so complicated? #i hate it i hate it i hate pls get out of my house #I'm sitting here staring at the forgotten cards and food #and wondering if this is the point in life where i realize that friendships mean more to me than to the allo people around me #the older i get the more isolated i feel #and being aro makes it worse not gonna lie #i thought i could live without a partner as long as i had my friends but well #funny how that works #dan is rambling again