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deliciousdefendorinternet · 2 months

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Trolls overall has a Big problem with the idea of Holding people accountable for their actions.

here's a numbered list of examples of what I'm talking about.

Cloud Guy in the Tv shows not only because he Harasses Branch most of the time with no consequences but also because Poppy goes out of her way to defend him even when his actions cause trouble for many other people.

like when he flooded the village just out of spite because Branch wouldn't do what he wanted anymore and not to mention how even when she found out that he also Harassed other people from each of the Troll Tribes she still took his side and got mad at them when they stood up for themselves and "" upset Cloud Guy "".

which even if it hadn't been revealed that it was all an act by him just to mess with them it would still make Poppy look bad since she Refused to do anything about his Blatant Bullying yet got mad at his victims when they stood up for themselves.

and not to mention made excuses for why his behaviour wasn't so bad making out like he only Harassed them because he was trying to help them which is just all kinds of wrong.

2. a lesser example but still a bad example imo is in the Trollstopia episode where Dante uses Branch as his muse and he stalks him breaks into his home and disrupts his daily Jobs which he does.

and when he goes to Poppy for help she makes out like Dante's behaviour is reasonable and tells Branch to suck it up.

and after Branch does something to get Dante to back off Poppy then gets mad at him when Dante isn't able to come up with any music ideas like that's somehow Branch's problem?

Dante needed help but Rather than ask for it he just went ahead and took it by invading someone's privacy.

and breaching their trust and then Poppy made out like Branch was wrong for setting down Boundaries with him which is just iffy to be honest feels like this episode was written by Joe Goldberg or something lol.

3. and there's Creek as I've said in the past I love him lol but I do agree that his Return in TBGO could have been done better where he could have had a little arc of slowly earning back people's trust maybe over the span of a few episodes.

4. some people like to go on about the Bergens being forgiven too easily and I agree to an extent but given how Gristle Jr couldn't exactly punish the majority of the population I don't think they really had much choice in this matter.

I feel the only problem is them acting all chummy with the rest of the Bergens like letting them off for killing their species is one thing but acting like friends with them is a whole other like staying friends with Bridget and Gristle is fine given their history and the fact that they were too young to have eaten any Trolls prior to the escape.

but acting friendly with the rest of them feels a tad insensitive like in the opening of TBT we see Branch and Poppy acting all chummy with Random Bergens and Branch even High fives a couple of them and I was just thinking to myself

"" dude they probably ate someone's loved ones in the past how would you feel if you saw other Trolls giving Chef a friendly High five? ""

5. anyway moving on there's Barb who enslaved countless people destroyed their homes and tried to wipe out all other kinds of music and she was let off in the end.

its not even like she had a last minute change of heart she literally just got beaten and that's the only reason why her plan didn't succeed and afterwards she was just instantly forgiven.

6. Bro zone I've already talked about them in Depth in the past but yeah unreliable selfish insensitive and at worst cruel not to mention they never truly change their ways.

they keep on doing the same crappy behaviour and they don't show that much remorse for their past actions yet they still get forgiven in the end Despite everything.

because yaaaay family is amazing even if they Treat you like shit over and over again.

the films message feels like it was written by a toxic parent to please other toxic parents to be honest which judging by how this film won over general audiences I'd say it worked like a Treat lol.

so yeah Despite my love for it Trolls overall as a franchise has a serous problem with actually Holding people accountable for their crappy actions and Behaviours I feel the only exception is Veneer as even tho his turn at the end felt Rushed and out of nowhere imo.

I was pleasantly surprised that the movie didn't just let him off the Hook and he still got arrested and accepted the punishment for his crimes in the end.

I feel the same thing should have happened with Barb given everything she did.

anyway if you've made it to the end of my post thank you you have the patience of a saint lol anyway what do you think about this aspect of the franchise?

#trolls branch #trolls #dreamworks trolls #trolls brozone #trolls band together #branch trolls #trolls dreamworks #branch #brozone #trolls 3 #Trolls #Trolls Branch #Trolls Bro zone #Trolls Brozone #Trolls bro zone

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yonpote · 24 days

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I feel like people are conflating continuing the joke with invading their privacy… like no one is stalking them or sneaking pictures or bothering their friends and family asking about them we’re just continuing their joke that they set up within our fandom space. Which is exactly as we should be doing imo

yeah exactly. like i think when outsiders dont understand that we are in on the bit that makes some sense, but when it's PHANNIES especially phannies who joined post coming out???? it seems strange.

oh i didnt really explain why this kinda behavior is homophobic as well. (disclaimer: me calling an action homophobic is not the same as me calling an individual homophobic.) a lot of ppl use pj and sophie as a direct comparison straight couple example. pj has only directly called sophie his girlfriend once, and it was in the context reading someone's poorly written article about him lmao. otherwise, its known that they met in uni, have lived together since then, have worked on nearly every kickthepj project together, and generally their on screen energy is really sweet and funny. they also have a cat together and call themselves a family. it's not a stretch to say they're together in the slightest. in fact, it is just natural to assume so.

BUT when dnp who are now publicly out, have been very open about how much they mean to each other, have lived together since dan was in uni, have worked on nearly every project together (even in solo projects the other would help out behind the scenes), have a clear on camera chemistry together, had co-parented a fish, a pigeon, and several houseplants and possibly plan to get a dog or other pet in the future... suddenly it's wrong to assume anything.

i understand the fear that may come from having been in the phandom since when they were closeted and it was much harder to talk about it without seeming like youre aligned with stalkers or ppl who harassed their families or dnp themselves to reveal more information, but thats not the case anymore, and ESPECIALLY if you discovered them post-gay, it's such a flimsy argument to say anyone is breaching privacy in that way.

now there are still some like unspoken basic decency and boundary rules. you probably shouldnt be @'ing them in your smutfics or even your pretty innocent theories about them being super duper in gay love. dnp themselves understand that if they aren't being @ tagged in something, it's probably not meant for them to see, and even acknowledged that in the twitter memes video. but us talking about it in our own spaces, especially on tumblr where they arent on as much but also on twitter BECAUSE THEY KNOW THAT THEYRE NOT MEANT TO SEE IT, is not the same as being like hey @/danielhowell @/amazingphil do you fuck nasty i gotta know if you fuck nasty. (but even if i were to do that, i feel like its very clearly a joke lmao)

so like just dont worry about it, if you still personally dont like seeing ppl talk abt this stuff regardless, you can mute and block people, you can blacklist tags, you can curate your own experience to fit your needs and you dont need to harass other people into suiting your needs.

#myrambles #sorry if it seems like im just repeating myself over and over #but like ppl shat on me when i talked abt it on twt and idk i just constantly feel the need to explain this shit #cuz i think some ppl (often younger) dont understand that ppl are just gonna post stuff you dont wanna see #and its up to you to curate your own experiences #and i dont even wanna try to argue about adult spaces vs minor spaces or whatever like i make it pretty clear that my own space is 18+#so if ur a minor and you hate the shit i post i actively beg you to block me and leave me aloneeeee shout out to the twt stalkersssss

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nnight-dances · 11 months

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HOW YOU FALL FOR SEVETEEN (FT. MY FAVORITES LINE)

the title is self-explanatory but also a complete lie, i love all the members so much but thanks to it being like my first month as a seventeen enjoyer, i only so much about so many members. this is purely self-indulgent so feel free to let me know how insane i sound and also, if i messed up their personalities.

as mentioned before, jeonghan is my favorite and thus, you can see how i’m being particularly mean to him. hate is my love language <3 also, someone please teach me how to write scoups because i love the man so much (no idc if he’s like a decade older than me) but could not bring myself to write anything for him. thanks, friends and foes!

jeonghan

…unrequited love probably? LMAO sorry but he’s my bias and i am convinced his standards are really, really high. like you’d have to discover and name a new continent after him before he looks your way.

okay, i’ll stop being mean and start being more delusional: a strangers to lovers maybe? because i feel like he’d be fascinated by you at first so he’d get to know you slowly. you’re wary of him when he tries to get closer to you,, because like… why is this sly devil of a man throwing you eye smiles left and right?

anyways, the moment you let your guard down around him, he’d invade every waking thought you have until you don’t have a choice but to rant to him… about him. yes, he’d watch with a smug smile on his face, as if he’d planned every second of this, and patiently wait for you to finish before leaning in and kissing you because apparently, his feelings were “obvious enough” (his words when you shriek away from him)

mingyu

best friends to lovers, for sure (and i imagine it’d be something like this)

it’s because even though he’s extroverted, i just feel like he’s still pretty reserved and so i think it’d take a long time of knowing him to be intimate enough to be a lover?

he wouldn’t have being anything more than friends for a long time because he enjoys the space of a friendship and he thinks of it as a test for how well the two of you can work out. mans taking this way too seriously but it pays off when one day he gets to call himself your boyfriend.

be careful though, i feel like timing matters a lot with him, and if you get it wrong…

hoshi

ummm this one is hard because the possibilities with hoshi are so endless?? anything could works?? he’s just so loveable that any way you meet him would be so precious

but since he’s introverted, i feel like with him it’d take a long to move on from one phase to another just because both of you are unwilling to budge. like it’s a waiting game with you guys where both of you are constantly dropping hints and neither is picking anything up.

so i’m thinking a fake dating situation for some external pressure that slowly reveals how comfortable pretending to date hoshi seems… maybe because you’ve always been a little more than friends….?

oh god, another loveable one, someone save me… um but in full seriousness, he’s so sweet i can’t imagine anything that wouldn’t work with him

but i’m leaning toward idiots to lovers with a LOT OF mutual pining because neither of you can tell if the other is flirting or just that nice to everyone (spoiler: you both suck at flirting so the fact that the possibility is even being discussed in the slightest… yeah, you’re down bad for each other)

idk he’d be so easy to fall for that even if you’re not generally too good-natured, it’d take everything to not go the extra mile for dk

the8

academic rivals to lovers is soooooo enticing with this one,, because you’d have to match him point to point for his pretentious but wise tendencies to keep up in a romantic relationship

and like, tell me if i’m wrong, but it’d be clear from the beginning that the two of you transcended the boundaries of friends because you’d dwell on the others’ actions for wayy too long for it be friendly banter or even genuinely malicious scheming

just takes you a frustratingly long time to smooth out the feelings because you know you want to maintain a slightly hostile tone when it comes to him or your life would lose all meaning and stimulation

wonwoo

listen … i’m considering one-sided love to lovers? because how could you not fall for wonwoo when you first get to know him? he’s just weirdly good at everything… and so calm

but when you let him know your feelings, i think he’d be so awkward about rejecting you (maybe because doesn’t truly want to) and you’d catch on pretty quick

fast forward to a few months and you’re still friends with him because well… he’s way too captivating for you to leave. so you’ve been pining from the sidelines for a while until wonwoo wakes up one day with the sudden awakening that he enjoys your company as something more than friendship

yeah, took him long enough, but he’s so sweet when he confesses that your heart breaks a little. he apologizes to the verge of tears for making you wait? and thanks you for not abandoning him? and then shyly admits that those things just made him fall for you more.

joshua

you don’t understand. there is nothing but an enemies to lovers in store with this one because he looks so normal that you unsuspectingly try to befriend him, only to be shocked by his attitude. he’s a little bitch. and for what.

for one, he’s so hard to understand, only showing the slightest surface of his personality and when he does,,, well, your head’s suddenly throbbing because what the fuck. someone restrain this man.

no but you’re always ready to fight him especially because he makes it his life mission to follow you around and one thing leads to another until he’s … um in love.

you promise you have an out of body experience when he tells you he’s in love with you, showing unprecedented seriousness, and his sincerity alone would’ve been enough to woo you

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wannab-urs · 7 months

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The Spreadsheet Digest - Vol 23

Howdy y'all!

If you're new here this is every new (to me) fic I read this week and some of my silly lil thoughts about them.

I did some catching up on series this week and also did some writing so I've only got 12 fics for you this week! I read a lot of dark shit this week, but that's October for ya. There's still some sweetness in here somewhere if you aren't into dark stuff and I've made sure to mark everything appropriately (I think).

As always you can find all my previous fic recs here.

Recs below the Pedros!

Apple - a Frankie/Santi/Will one shot by @romana-after-dark

You are married to Santi and you have a CNC kink he very happily obliges. You set up a thing where Santi, Will, and Frankie pretend to be home invaders and they gangbang you. Stuff goes a lil sideways and it ends up being NC/DC. This was wonderfully unsettling. I love how there's this strand of believability that they don't intentionally overstep her boundaries. It's dark and scary and feels very real.

sam and diane, eat your heart out a Marcus Pike one shot by @chronically-ghosted

You've been working with Marcus for a while and finally wrapped up the case you were on. You've almost given up ever getting what you want with him when finally!! You both admit your feelings for each other. Cue steamy office make out sesh with thigh riding. I loved the will they won't they shit in the beginning. The frustration makes the pay off so good.

i am touchin', i am grabbin', everything I can't be havin' - a Dieter one shot by @chronically-ghosted

You show up at the doorstep of your long time but estranged family friend Dieter Bravo, soaking wet and with nowhere else to go. You've known him so long you call him Uncle Dee, no I'm not kidding. I almost didn't click on this bc like UNCLE?? But he's not really your uncle and I cannot express enough how fucking hot this was. Like Dieter is just so fucking good this OH MY GOD. If you love Dieter, read this. You'll love it.

Recovery Road - a Dieter series by @chronically-ghosted

Dieter finally gets his shit together, he's clean and married and working on a new project. His costar (you) is a cunt fr. You're on drugs, you're a brat, and you're a mess. And Dieter can't stay away from you. When his wife gets fed up with him and humiliates him in public, you're there to catch him... and ruin his sobriety, his marriage, and maybe everything else. I have a couple chapters left of this but OH MY GOD. I was so MAD at Dieter, but also so sad for him. Don't take that as me saying I didn't love this because I did. I do. It's so beautifully written. The pain and angst and desperation and everything is so powerful, this hurts to read. And the smut? Mind altering actually.

a revolting development - a Joel series by @chloeangelic

Your new step dad is really hot... and that's gonna be a problem. I've been reading so many step dad fics lately (not just Joel!) and I'm so into it and what is wrong with me?

The Rogue Who Coaxed You - a Joel series by @atticrissfinch

You're Joel's secretary and you suck him off while he fields a phone call from his wife! We love an infidelity fic round these parts, we really do. Reader is filthy, Joel is mean, there's a lot of degradation, the works. I'm so obsessed with this dynamic I can't wait to read more.

When the Gallow-Grass Gives - a Silva one shot by @gasolinerainbowpuddles

Silva rescues you (m!reader) from the gallows, walks you home by the rope you were supposed to hang by, and then tells you that you remind him of someone he used to know. I love a good gay cowboy fic and this is a GREAT one. The historically accurate lube made me cackle. This was so well written and so HOT and managed to maintain that wistful sadness Silva seems to have hanging like a cloud around him.

Desires and Complications - a Marcus Pike/Dave York series by @ezrasbirdie

Sweet little Marcus Pike wants to please you better in bed so he calls up your ex, Dave York, to show him how to be a dom. It goes a little differently than any of you imagined when Marcus turns submissive for Dave. This fic is so hot. I read up through "plead" and it looks like maybe there's some throuple dynamics forming!!! I'm so excited to finish this AHHHGHGHG

Ripping Sunrise - a frankie one shot by @idolatrybarbie

You accidentally take an edible and Frankie takes care of your high ass. And then once the high wears off he really takes care of you... This is so sweet and hot, I love it so much.

I Might Kill My Ex - a Joel one shot by @beskarandblasters

Joel leaves you for Tess and that... well that's just unacceptable. We got dark!reader, asshole!Joel, murder, dub con for Joel, the works. This fic is so good. It's dark and gives you a fascinating look into reader's crumbling psyche. I love the ending so much also

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I wrote Ouroboros and Eat You Whole. Dave York x f!reader fics set in the same universe, canon divergent but some canon stuff still happens in the background. Love as consumption/Love as violence type thing. Basically you and Dave are two touch starved, miserable people with nothing left in this world and you have crazy sex about it. There’s some softness in there too.

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Here's some series I've been reading (not a comprehensive list): Hot and Heavy (Joel), Muddy Waters (Joel/Ez), Stepdad!Joel, Exile (Javi P), New York or Nowhere (Joel), Feral Woman (Joel), Yearling (Joel), a lover's pinch (joel), the world tipped on it's side (Frankie), and Pretend Alleyways (Marcus/Dieter)

(In order: @tieronecrush @bonezone44 @toxicanonymity @jksprincess10 @beskarandblasters @gasolinerainbowpuddles @justagalwhowrites @hier--soir @idolatrybarbie @radiowallet)

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Happy Reading!

#fic recs #the spreadsheet digest #fanfiction recommendations #pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro fics #pedro pascal character fanfiction #ppcu

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cannibalisedthoughts · 3 months

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Today’s Reminder (tw for mentions of suicide, and lots of abelism as well as seizures)

Fake claiming is always wrong, and it is especially wrong when you do it behind someone’s back and to their friends. It is especially wrong to use someone’s genuine concern for their health, their right to ask questions to get answers as a reason to claim they are faking.

This post goes out to the person I used to be friends with, and trusted who fakeclaimed my bipolar behind my back because we didn’t share the exact same symptoms.

To the same person, who told my best friend that I was faking the fact I may potentially have seizures because “the questions they’re asking sound nothing like seizures”

The likelihood of them seeing this is low, but if by some miracle they do I just want them to know how much damage they caused by sending those texts to my best friend.

She read those to me the other night, and just hearing those two things ripped me apart so much that I barely slept that night.

Your words destroyed me J.C.

It makes it worse that you have misgendered me to my two closest friend as well, misgendered me despite only knowing me as he or they SIMPLY because you know I’m transgender.

I am disgusted in how you can treat someone like this. I trusted you.

For those wondering why I seem more upset about these things than feels warranted allow me to list everything this person has done to me since I became friends with them.

Suicide baited me, forced me to check on their girlfriend because he refused to text her after announcing he was going to kill himself

Misgendered me to two of my best friends (who very much refused to do the same)

Fakeclaimed me

Tried to undermine my struggles because they weren’t presenting the same as his

Broke several of my boundaries and then tried using one of their disorders as an excuse

Guilted us for expressing a boundary made because of a very serious trauma

Made his trauma the only trauma allowed to be valid in the group by constantly reminding us of what he went through

Sending us pictures of something someone said about us, that caused trauma responses. These images were sent unsolicited

Telling us we were a bad friend for not being able to communicate MID PANIC ATTACK

Spreading lies about us, making us out to be a villain

Involving us in situations where we couldn’t be safely involved such as when someone they no longer wanted to associate with started to stalk him.

Creating an atmosphere in the friendship group that meant nobody felt safe to talk about their struggles.

Invading my friends’ privacy and dismissing her trauma as nothing serious.

Doubling down when they were corrected on misinformation (doubling down means they continued to aggressively insist they were correct)

Saying our migraines could not cause neurological symptoms, that it was impossible

Making us feel lesser to them because we’re still waiting for an autism diagnosis

Making us feel bad because we cannot treat our depressive episodes

Triggering our tics. Constantly and without remorse.

And that is merely half the list.

Barty from The Circus Tent System

#did alter #actually did #did community #did osdd #did system #hc did #endos dni #anti endo #introject #barty crouch jr

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thedelusionreaderbitch · 1 year

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Jason Todd x gn! Reader - Holding a breath

A/n: Apparently all I can write for fucking Jason Todd is fluff, but to be fair the man deserves as much as he can get

Summary: Jason leaves in the middle of no where when you tell him that you love him

Warnings: Some bad self talk (Jason and a little bit of reader,) mentions of killing people, mentions of dying, swearing, doubting love, allusions to sex at the start if you squint, I think that's it? You have been warned!

The three P's:

[Pronouns used: you/your] [Pov: 2nd person] [Pairings: (romantic!) Jason x reader]

Jason Todd is absolutely ethereal in the way he tenderly kisses you, careful as if he might break you.

Then he looked up at you and smiled and your breath is completely taken away as you stare down at him, him the man on his knees before you to show you how much he loves you through his kisses. That man is the one who smiles up as your breathing speeds up at his smile. Merely by the way he looks at you.

"I love you." You state, not offhandedly, just quietly as you lay down, and pull him down with you as you do.

Jason's body goes rigid and you feel cold shivers run down your back as Jason stands up, almost in a panic as he does. His hands shake and he doesn't look at you as he mutters something under his breath about how he has to do something he forgot. Then he's gone.

You're stunned, you really are, you've said "I love you" to Jason before, it hadn't been the first time. Most times when you say it he'll just give you a sad smile and nod. Sometimes he'll open his mouth to speak, but no words will leave his throat as he gazes at you with something adjacent to fear. Those times you'll stay with him and cuddle and usually just put on a show to comfort him. To tell him, it's okay, he doesn't need to say it back.

However this time, he just left.

What could it mean? Did he not lov- like you anymore? Were you just a fool to ever think he could eventually love you?

You didn't know, you really didn't know what's wrong.

And that terrified you the most.

_____________

Jason did know what was going on.

Or well, he thought he had a pretty good idea why he had just left you rather abruptly after you had said "I love you" to him.

The way you said it that time... It still had all the love and passion represented in the words as it usually does, but usually it's more quiet and internal more than anything. Most times when you say it you nearly sound unsure because you didn't know if it was okay for you to say it, if he didn't say it back to you. You never wanted to overstep boundaries.

Yet this time you just said it with so much certainty, like it was the simplest yet greatest fact in the world. You said it like was the truth in every way even if he didn't know it yet. Your words had sent him reeling, a feeling he hasn't felt in a long time.

You love him, you love him, you love him!

He lets the rain fall onto his face as he looks at the grey Gotham sky, here he sat on the roof of your house with your love in his hands.

He didn't deserve it, he didn't deserve to be loved by someone so alive when he's well- him. When he's ended lives, and had as own terminated changing his life forever, when he needs to take a breath outside because he couldn't breathe when you said that you love him.

Then there's a clatter behind him and he knows it isn't the rain, or a storm coming to taunt his mood more.

Instinctively, he goes to grab a gun, or any weapon but he doesn't have one on him. He used to carry one around every where - even in bed. Until you had begged him to stop having a knife strapped to his thigh or a gun under his pillow. When he goes outside he usually would grab one but you've invaded every part of his mind that he can't even think properly.

Therefore when he went to turn around he was expecting a villain, or maybe even fucking Bruce because everyone knows that would all be a nightmare on it's own.

Yet it's no one but an angel in front of him that slowly inches towards him and sits on the roof beside him.

Of course it's you, because you care, because you love him.

He can't even fathom the reason why you do.

"Are you okay?" You ask him, your voice blending in with the torturous rain, for that's what you were. You tortured his very soul to your will with your brief touches, to making sure he eats decent food every day. You with your beauty and kindness will torture him every day for the rest of his life, and he'll probably want it every waking day.

He takes in a breath and looks over to you, who's grabbed his hand and squeezed it to remind him that you're there. You're there for him whenever he wants to talk.

The water hits your face, getting your hair wet and yes your face is concerned but it's concerned for him.

Then he lets the breath out and everything suddenly becomes so much easier.

"I love you, you know." He croaks.

You were stunned when he let out those words, you blinked a few times before letting out excited giggles. You nodded your head and threw your arms around him.

He loves you, he loves you, he loves you!

"Ya I-" You take in a stuttering breath. "There's always doubts because you're just so amazing Jason." You breathe out with a dazzled look on your face as you gazed up at him. "But I think a small part of me knew, even if you didn't tell me, because I didn't need you to."

He closed his eyes and whispered the words in your ears again and again just to hear your laughter of joy as an unbreakable smile was painted across his face.

Words 962

-thedelusionreaderbitch

Dc Taglist: No one yet

#jason todd #jason todd x reader #dc x reader #delusion writes #red hood #the red hood #red hood x reader #jason todd x gn! reader #dc #Dc #batman #soft jason todd #very occ #will make an angsty one for him soon #that's more swearing #and where he's talking more #lol #the red hood x reader #x reader

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kenobster · 1 month

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It's interesting to learn about identity disturbance with BPD because it really starts to explain everything. If your entire sense of self is held up by external sources (aka your friends! your environment!), then so many other things start to make sense. Like, for example, if your opinion on a character or a movie doesn't match your friend's opinion, then that's two parts of your identity contradicting each other!!! It's literally going to cause you cognitive dissonance! No wonder it's so distressing to me when that happens!!! 😖

Or another example!!! The clinginess omg. You realize it's because you practically have NO boundaries whatsoever. You've practically been begging your friends to inhabit your fucking body lmao. And obviously people can't do that (for one, physics.... but for another, people got their own bodies to deal with lol). So when they inevitably aren't around, it's like the driver of the vehicle you're a passenger in just passed out unexpectedly. No wonder you're trying everything you can to get their attention lmao — they gotta wake up and drive!!!! 😱

It's also really interesting when you start to try to develop your sense of self (in DBT, it seems to be worded as "self respect"? I could be wrong though). Like, you've spent most of your life not knowing who you are or what you want/need. And the SECOND you find that one little decision you can make for yourself? That one little kernel that's you and nobody else? Well, suddenly it's like you've got the crown jewel (XD) in your hands and the world seems to transform into this armada of invaders trying to take it from you. Like bruh. Step away. This is ME i've got here, and I'm not letting her go without a fight lmao. (Narrator voice: but no one is actually fighting her...... lol)

Anyway I feel bad for ppl who learn all this in less-than-ideal circumstances because like... I think a lot of people would probably get confused/upset/angry at the change in behavior (like someone is going from doormat people-pleaser to some sort of Napolean Boneapart world-conquerer type lol). So damn, I'm super grateful because I've been getting needlessly feisty about wanting some autonomy lately, and pretty much everyone I know has been super supportive and encouraging about it???? And that's really neat. 🥰 -feels very loved-

Anyway this has been a Ramble sorry. I just feel really good about things I've decided to do to improve myself lately, and I wanted to share lmao. I still haven't started writing as much as I had hoped I would, but like.... I'm starting to feel like ME, and I'm really happy about it. :)

#i hope this made any fucking sense whatsoever lmao #this is the most i've ever rambled in a tumblr post #i mean like i ramble and i talk for years but i usually try to be SOMEWHAT coherent lmao #i just thought dumped here #personal #bpd posting #my tag for this because i'm sure i'll have things to say again

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adhdbisexualramblings · 1 year

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No. You know what?

I am sick and tired of how the Invader Zim fandom treats ZaDr.

While I stand by the firm belief that any romance between them would be imagined, bitter, codependent, and toxic, you are all terrified of that. You are all scared to admit that it’s anything but nice.

“oh but Zim and Dib are so similar that-“ that is EXACTLY the problem. They’re too similar. One is apprehensive to get close to anyone and the other has no social skills. Zim craves attention and isn’t good at giving it. Dib focuses too much on getting the attention of those around him and doesn’t relent until it blows up in his face. And have you seen Zim? Have you seen how manipulative, uncaring, and selfish he is? Do you really think he would accept Dib, a human, as his partner to begin with? Do you not think Dib wouldn’t have an issue with getting close to the enemy? Do you think neither of them would? If anything, a “relationship” between them would consist of Dib following Zim around like a puppy, because Zim gives him attention, and Zim leading him on because he loves being paid attention to.

It would be messy. It would be bad. It would be codependent at best and downright emotionally abusive at worst. They hate each other.

the fact that they will need to “rely on each other UwU🥰” is NOT GOOD. They can only rely on each other so much before it becomes too closed. Zim doesn’t understand human love. Dib is so starved for affection he’ll love anyone who gives it, and have you seen him? He attached to Mr. Dwicky only because he said he believed him. If he wants to get into any sort of relationship, he needs to set some sort of boundary first. He’s not going to do that with Zim, and if Zim does set boundaries, they’re going to be enforced very roughly.

Zim has never gotten any praise in his sad pathetic life. If he does, it’s all he’ll focus on. The one thing he wants is respect and attention. Other than sucking up to superiors, the other way he gets the respect he wants is with fear. Not just respect, even, but a power dynamic that puts him above the other person. See Prisoner 777 and his children and his multiple threats to anyone who he might want to intimidate. He’s not completely prickly, yes, but the anger and brashness he displays is very thick as well as very hard to put down. It takes a lot of coaxing to get anything positive out of him.

Zim likes fear. It’s something that makes him feel superior. He feels more comfortable when he has any sort of advantage. We see him take glee in showing his Tallest or fellow Irkens how he’s the greatest. How of course he’s right and brilliant, he’s Zim. This barely needs to be said, but he has a massive ego. Not to mention his feelings on all humans in general. Filthy, dirty, stupid, inept, deserving of Irken control. He’s hardly eager to get into a relationship with one.

This is where I would mention that they are similar which, while that would give them common ground, is often one of the dealbreakers in actual relationships. If people are too similar, fights often run back and forth for hours. They don’t know how to take in this often painful mirror image. They know every inch of the person before knowing them. They don’t know how to communicate. For Dib and Zim specifically, it would be emotionally damaging as opposed to eye-opening. Neither like being reminded that they’re wrong, or that there’s something wrong with them. They have similar problems, which neither can fix because they’re still pushing back dealing with their own. It would be a circle of hurt, even unintentionally. They might both love the transactional attention, but that would only lead to them believing they need each other, and feeling more comfortable in the obligatory attention the other provides. Because a lack of attention would make them feel their relationship isn’t working. It’s built on the need for an audience and praise.

But they don’t need transactional attention. They need someone who can listen. They need someone who can give another perspective, but if they’re two mirror images, the light only bounces back. They would get nowhere.

Even if it, miraculously, wasn’t filled with bitterness or intentional hurt, the two would be stuck. It would hardly be good for an Irken, who has a completely different moral code and different form of hurt, to be with a human, who is only marginally more self-aware.

I have a lot of feelings about this specific part of the fandom and am up for talking about it more or criticisms.

#zadr criticism #invader zim #Invader Zim ships #toxic relationships #Now I just wait for the hate in my inbox

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fbfh · 1 year

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hiya!! i rlly love ur writing especially your lovesick eddie content! i noticed u haven’t been writing for him as much lately so i was wondering if you’re still writing for him could we get some lovesick eddie fluff? pls don’t feel pressured to write anything tho!!! ♥️♥️♥️

thank you so much babes!!!!! <333 I'm pretty much constantly cycling through the same hyperfixations I keep adding to like a really big luggage carousel so even if I'm not writing for someone atm I probably will be soon lol

Eddie notices when you start to fall for him. he notices the transition as the tangible distance you always keep between you, something he never pushes or tries to overstep, starts to grow smaller and softer. you're okay if your arms brush a little as you walk now, or if you can feel each other's body heat for a moment while he opens your door. it makes him giddy. it makes him fucking giddy because it feels like you're starting to trust him. he never thought you just see him the way everyone else does, but this is proof of that. this is proof that you're okay being close to him. and with how long you've had his full attention (which is a very long time) he knows that's not something that happens easily at all for you. even when you were dating that guy from the basketball team, Eddie could see the way you'd tense up slightly when he got too close, invaded your personal space. he never understood why he did that. was he just trying to make you get closer to him without having to do any of the work? could he not even pick up on your cues, your body language? it just didn't make sense. if you really care about someone, you should pay attention to things like that. which Eddie always does. it's something that didn't go unnoticed by you, even if a lot of it was subliminal. it was almost strange how he never pushed you, never tried to get closer, never seemed to even consider pursuing you like an animal the way every other guy you've ever met has tried to, at least a little. you can't lie, this realization sunk in hard. it's not just a guy thing like all your friends always say it is, it's not a sign that they like you, it's exactly what you thought it was. they're motivated by the wrong thing, and don't care about your comfort or boundaries. but Eddie does. Eddie prioritizes your comfort, he never tries to make a move on you unless you instigate it. he only started holding your hand, gazing at the spot on your knuckles where he longs to press a kiss after one night a while ago, when you'd grabbed his hand, squeezing it in a thanks. the way he holds your hand is so tender, so gentle that you know if you pulled away, he wouldn't try again. you don't admit to yourself how truly sad you'd be if he stopped, so instead, you always wait for him to let go first. after so long of Eddie being so loudly, publicly and obviously in love with you, not as a stunt or a gimick, but just as a form of self expression, you realized that this is it. he's not going to push for anything, not going to try and win you over like an easily tricked child. he's laid his heart on the table, and he's leaving it there for you if you want it. you won't be able to put it into words for a while, but all of this is what makes you really start to fall for him. it's also what compells you to make him dizzy, make his head spin when finally pull him into a tight hug one night after he walks you to his car.

#drabbles #loud simp!eddie #lovestruck!eddie #eddie munson #eddie munson drabbles #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson fluff #stranger things #stranger things x reader #stranger things drabbles #stranger things fluff #core memory formed #he's blushing giggling bouncing off the walls all night #he literally doesn't sleep #can't pay attention in class even more than usual the next day #you sent him to cloud 9 and he's gonna be there all week

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dragonbugsuperior · 9 months

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MLB Ship Tier

Marigami

ranks at the top because of the their interesting dynamic though they were off to a rocky start due to them being rivals for Adriens affection. I find their moments in the show to be funny, cute, and amusing. (They both enjoy drawing which would be a cute date) I also feel like Kagami would make a great candidate for Ladybugs partner. Shes smart, articulate, efficient, and determined to succeed. Marinette teaching Kagami how to be open with other people and herself, and Kagami teaching Marinette how to be more comfortable in her skin. One of my headcanons and theory is that while everyone may assume Kagami is the top in the relationship its actually marinette, another theory of mine is that Kagami is the top and Marinettes a bratty bottom but canonically they give me switch energy. However like other things and relationshis in the show its a shame how their interactions aren't explored more or touched upon beyond their liking to the same bland white guy (who doesn't deserve either)

Lukanette

This ship is a very sweet ship to me and one that I shipped awhile ago (when it was first introduced) I believe on of the many reasons Adrien stans and love square shippers hated Luka so much was because he did what Adrien couldn't. He's able to give Marinette actual good advice (*cough cough* Adrien take notes) Marinette is comfortable around him so we dokt get embarassing cringey 24/7 and......say it with me everyone

Respects.

Her.

Boundaries.

Awe what's wrong? Adrichat can't do this? What's that?

Ur favorite white catboy is unable to respect his love interests boundaries? But Luka can? Awwww...too bad.

He doesn't push Marinette further than what she's comfortable with and many Adrien stans argue that this makes Luka "bland" (since when is respecting someone bland???) Other than that I like their interactions in Canon, I'm glad he's one of the very few people marinette can actually talk to and doesn't get embarassed around. It feels good to know she liked a guy and was actually able to talk to him. One of my most unpopular and controversial theories is that Luka would make a pretty decent deuteragonist. Seeing how the writers pretty much wrote Luka & Kagami off so they wouldn't tear the love square (they really weren't going to anyway) and broke up the only actual healthy romantic relationship Marinette had, (because Marinette can't have nice things, am I right?) I know for sure there's no reviving Lukanette despite this, it still makes the top of the list. RIP to a really good healthy relationship✊🏾😔

Chloedrien (fanon)

This ship surprisingly ranks high. I can see them together especially in fanon. But because the writers are incompetent in the progression department and development their Canon relationship is definitely lackluster. Chloe invades Adriens space, he's visibly uncomfortable (feel familiar?) Chloe complains about her "Adrikins" Yada Yada. However if the show were written differently and Chloe actually talked to Adrien in attempts to strengthen their friendship I can see a good relationship.

Fela

Not you....

You.

This ship only interests me friendship wise. I can't see Lila and Felix together as a couple in spite of the similar personalities manipulative, cunning, discreet, calucating, and sly. I see power imbalance, trying to outsmart and manipulate each other and both of them being unable to think of anyone but themselves. Which is why a friendly alliance between both anatognists suits better because I can see them easily challenging Marinette and Adrien.

*signs*

Green eyed monsters

Nialya

This Canon couple is pretty decent, the feelings are mutual and we see many episodes with both being concerned about the other one (which is cute) and the consistent normal interactions they have are okay I can definitely see Alya being the dominant one in the relationship.

Lukagami / fanon /

It fanonically works better due to reasons (I'll list for Canon version) but in fanon they work pretty okay. I can see like Marinette & Adrien they're supposed to be opposites despite them having few interactions in the show. It'd be nice see their different personalities communicate. I cant say too much abt them.

Fecloe

This pairing is a easy hit or miss. I can understand them relating to each other as far as their dysfunctional families but I see Chloé annoying Felix with ease. She'd be a childish distraction (i argue the same with her relationship with Lila) and Felix would break up her instantly Felix is the type to basically desensitize himself from any emotions and rationalizes everything. And Chloe already an insecure brat with a touch of entitlement and narcissism is the cherry on top of it all. And with the direction the writers are attempting to go with Felix (being a antihero and having a moral gray compass) I don't see him supporting Chloes unexplained Bullying (which is rlly annoying bc why exactly do we sill not know Chloes reason behind Bullying people especially Marinette for so long?) But yeah this is one of those pairs they could be alright acquaintances at best but....romantically no. And working together? Hell no.

Alyanette

It's already bad enough their friendship isn't healthy with alya not respecting marinettes feelings or boundaries actively going against marinettes wishes and attempting to get her and Adrien together (physically holding her hands in place likes thats totally ok) thinking she knows what's best for marinette than marinette herself and not even trusting Marinette enough to believe she wouldn't do certain things (but a girl u just met can be trusted?) The OOC writing these past seasons is so painful to watch it makes my ass itch. I can already see her being overbearing and domineering in the dynamic. In Canon their personalities complement well however I don't see the connection romantically

Chlila

This dynamic is better as close acquaintances who help each other sometimes. (Keep in mind sometimes) Like Chloes relationship with Felix the one with Lila is no different as she would clash with her constantly. I also feel like Lila's the more rational one with the plan and Chloe is more impulsive and dives into things for the fun of it. Automantucally making their motives contrast and their characters. Their relationship reminds me alot of Cleo and Torelai's relationship (Monster high) I believe seeing more interactions between the two would be fun.

Lukagami / Canon/

Ah yes, the love rivals who could've served as good development and plot progression but like everything else with this garbage dump of entertainment, they never met their full potential. I don't ship this ship because it feels more like a way to bring them further away from the Love Square and just a way for people to say "hey on the bright side everyone wins!" But luka and kagami deserve better than to be casted as plot devices , which it feels like than it does a actual genuine ship and the only time we really seem them interact directly is in Determination which was centered around Marinette & Adriens relationship (its almost like they said "Hey! Fuck any progress we almost made, let's right the characters completely OOC and inconsistent moving forward. Either way the ship could work....but with how the show is already written I wouldn't pair them as a couple canonically.

Lukzoe

This ship isn't bad it's cute however I wouldn't pair them together canonically or in fanon I like how the writers already have Zoe liking Marinette and I honestly like Luka and alot of other characters without a relationship because I feel like it isnt needed. Though I feel like their friendship would be amazing.

Feligami

A controversial Canon ship that I had to recheck to see if it was actually Canon before saying

What the hell.

This ship is another hit or miss and to be honest I feel like the writers knew that they'd have to write Kagami and Felix OOC for this pairing to work in the first place. The pairing feels like a cop out for Kagamis unresolved feelings for Adrien and the writers went "Oh yea! Let's pair her with Felix, Adrien's "evil" twin" who happens to look just like Adrien just is less "Nice" having the ability to stand up for what he actually believes in and for Felix....I cant see him in a relationship. He's one of those characters that I feel does really well solo (like Lila) when u add people in the bunch it mushes his characterization up. They decide to pair them up in Representation and the two get into a secret relationship. They pair Kagami with Felix guys. The same guy who SH Ladybug, wiped all of Paris out (except for 3 people), as if that wasn't bad enough they have them both conspire a plan to deceive Marinette (so much for being marinettes friend). Kagami defends her newfound boyfriend to Ladybug and Chat Noir in Pretension. I liked Kagami better single, it's almost as if she had "more" braincells that way.

Lilanette

Aside from the pair being abusive and toxic, their interactions as enemies canonically are interesting. I'm interested in knowing just how far Lila's willing to go with Marinette with her lies and deceit, thus shipping doesn't work as a couple undoubtedly because of how abusive it is and I can't see Lila caring abt Marinette as much as Marinette would Lila (if she werent a villain) Feels more like a cat and mouse dynamic.

Lilalya

Lila and Alya feel lackluster to me and Canon makes my feelings on them no better. Their relationship in the show doesnt even make the slightest bit of sense. Firstly I'll say in the beginning when we first meet Lila her lies are believable but as time goes by and seasons go on the lies get less and less convincing and Lila isn't seen as this smart evil genius (she wasnt even before just a manipulative insecure teenage girl who wants attention wherever she can get it because her caregiver(s) neglect her ) the class including Alya shouldn't even be this dense still after 5 seasons in, just shows u how bad the writers of this show are at writing a believable consistent storyline and characters. I feel like Lila would love bomb Alya until she squeezes all the juicy information and benefits she can get from her then hang Alya out to dry.

Adrigami

I wouldn't have much of a problem with this ship if it weren't for.......the one and only notorious bland...blonde....the Adrien Agreste (the main reason I also don't support the love square) While I see them understanding where they both come from, I honestly can't see a what Kagami seen in Adrien. He's blander than oatmeal, and is described as not just by the Fandom but the shows creator himself "this perfect, innocent, catboy whos sheltered from the world and needs protecting and sympathy all. the. time. boo hoo. Not only did he lie to Kagami, which led to the breakup, but he technically cheated on her. by harassing his partner Ladybug (who clearly tells him she doesn't like it almost.every. episode.) while in a relationship with Kagami. Them being together doesn't feel rewarding seeing how he has treated her and how he treats other female characters in the show in general, especially Ladybug/Marinette. She deserves a lot better than what Adrien has to offer, and so does Marinette.

The Love Square

Ah yes, saved the best for last, this quadrupled pair ranks lowest of all for many reasons, if u didn't know by now, now u know I hate the Love Square and the message it sends the audience. If it isn't Marinettes forced embarrassment and humiliation to cover for the writers blatant misogyny and racism because Marinettes character persecution is set up as the shows comedy go to and her struggles are made out for a "good laugh" because thats really funny Thomas.....haha. Then theres Adriens problematic creepy predatory harassment towards Ladybug that's seen as generally "ok!" And cute and romantic *kiss kiss* he does as Chat Noir bc no one knows whos under the mask leaving him to get away scots free the general message it sends is its okay to keep harassing the target of your affections with enough determination and charisma added with a sob story you'll get them in the end. Doesn't matter if they're visibly uncomfortable or disgusted doesn't matter if they vocally say they don't reciprocate ur feelings all u gotta do is Try try try again!

Let's not even get started with how bad Adrien's jealousy gets....

Right.

He gets antsy whenever he sees a new Temp helping LB out as if he actually helps her in a major way anyway. He refuses to help her when she declines his romantic offers and grows really petty, snarky & sarcastic when things generally don't go his way with her. He doesn't take his job serious enough to even have his spot as a permanent miraculous holder and not to mention one of the most powerful miraculous there is "misusing the miraculous many and multiple times, making corny embarrassing puns and failed flirtations during battle essentially distracting Ladybug making her job harder. I honestly don't think it'd be much of a difference if he weren't chat noir.

Not to mention the double standard that exists between Marinette and Adrien in general

Marinettes' actions while problematic are checked in the show like her exaggerated obsessiveness, jealousy tendency, impulsive issues, and awkwardness around Adrien (and by many fans, sometimes to the point of bashing and purposely highlighting what has already been established) Adriens are all glossed over and we're expected to feel sorry for him. His dad abuses him and his mommy is nowhere to be found so now the writers use our female protagonist as emotional support when she herself needs emotional support. The writers are so bad at writing they can't even make the main couple communicate clearly and simply ever. Thomas himself goes out of his way to say to the world "Adrien is not flawed, the world is" yet his stans have the audacity to say mArinEtTes mOre Of a MarY sUe thAn He iS!. Her jealousy is called out but Chat Noirs is swept under the rug and is seen as her responsibility. Let's not mention how literally every female character that has had interest in Adrien has been pitted against Marinette but Luka, Nathaniel, and Adrien coexist just fine in kumbaya because remember kids

"Girls are spiteful petty backstabbing and catty while boys are practically angels who see each other as /bros/"

While also saying in the same breath this show is all about "girl empowerment " but has the white male deuteragonist harass, abuse, and manipulate our biracial female protagonist for 5 seasons straight, right?

Just making sure.

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thatmysticaltuxedocat-rp · 3 months

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// I've missed this place so much where people are so friendly and are happy when friends are around. I really need good friends and kind people right now. Literally never felt more welcomed than here. 🥺

(Under cut is the reason why I came back so randomly and why I needed a place with friends. It's long and kinda upsetting. But I really need to vent.)

So I wasn't pulled back into the Cats fandom really. I was heavy into another fandom and had a tumblr to mess about there, much like here. A stranger started interacting with my characters in a way that I wasn't comfortable with. It had major bullying vibes, just having a go, invading my threads to have a go. So I set up some boundaries in a post, no names mentioned, absolutely nobody tagged and yet not only did this person PM me demanding I take my post down but accused me of bullying. Going even further to create another account to keep harassing me, constantly saying "my friend" (it was the same individual) and referencing a discord group where they were screenshotting and talking about my blog. Not sure how true that is as they seemed to be behaving as two different people to give the impression several people were going for me.

I want to make it so clear my original post explained if I feel harassed or like my characters are getting bullied, I will not interact. That's all. I explained I can do in character arguments and drama but chiming in and saying hurtful things that are unrelated I'll just stop responding to. In no way did it demand anyone take anything down or change how someone RPs just I have a personal boundary and if you find I'm not reaponding suddenly, that's why. Nobody is forced to RP with me anymore than I am with them. It was carefully written and checked to make sure no individual was referenced.

And when I didn't immediately reply to the PM the individual "went public" because I "refused to reply". I have a life, I have dogs that need attention and I was carefully crafting a reply that explained my point. I didn't want to argue. This led to them posting a post directly aimed at me about how much of a bully I am and I refused to apologise. What I said was in response to their " everyone apologises" was does that too mean they apologise? This is me refusing.

I know it's ridiculous in the gramd scheme of things, it's a barely known silly place for me to mess around with Alex in character as but as someone who really was heavily bullied throughout childhood and teens (all through school basically) this really messed with me. The way they attempted to manipulate me with claims of how "their friend" (them) was now crying and their Sunday was ruined and Alex says gaslight me, accuse me of twisting things against them (even though nobody was mentioned it was a generic post) and starting some kind of public attack because I didn't immediately roll over and do what they wanted.

I also understand the irony of them complaining I was bullying them into what they can post while they were attempting to bully me into dictating what I can post. I also understand this person could be suffering or on the spectrum. I really try to be accomedating and inclusive but I was unable to properly follow threads and felt whatever I put they would have a go and make my experience bad. And finally yeah I know it says more about them that they got so upset about a generic boundary post not directly aimed at them. The point of a generic public post was to protect them and give a little nudge without a direct attack, private or otherwise. I cannot stand confrontation of any kind.

I just got so shaken and upset by it all, it ruined the fandom for a moment for me and I actually felt unwell for the evening. It got to a point where I feel I was in the wrong for putting up a boundary.

(Also I did not take the post down, it's still up.)

#ooc #not cats #Tashas rambling #I was really upset by the whole thing

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positively--speculative · 5 months

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Friendship and boundaries is a lot more complex of a topic than people make it out to be.

Like, in my younger and more naive days, I was that friend who demanded too much of my friends. I called them and expected them to *always* have the time and the energy to listen to my problems and help me out of a tight spot I got myself into. Eventually, they didn't want to answer my calls or hang out with me anymore, because it was always one crisis after the other. Without meaning to, I became a toxic friend. The best thing they could have done for both themselves and me was stop talking to me for a little while. It was a shock to me at first, but with time I grew and understood what I did wrong as their friend, and I'm a bit of a better person now.

I've also been on the other side of that, but I would argue this person was more extreme than I was. I was the people pleaser for someone I tried being friends with. Not only did this person always expect me to drop everything to help them with whatever emotional breakdown of the week they were having, but they couldn't be bothered to understand that sometimes I wasn't emotionally available. During this time, I was having my own regular crises and I just didn't have the energy to help another person with theirs. When this person didn't get the attention they craved from me, they resorted to stalking me online--even here on Tumblr, and I don't share this blog with anyone because it's my one, private thing I keep to myself. Some might notice I don't share too much info here that people can use to really identify me. I don't post pictures or share too much information about where I'm located, what I do for a living, etc. But this person somehow found it, and that really creeped me out. To this day, I *still* suspect they hover over this blog from time to time, and I haven't spoken to them for years now.

But the worst part? The person who I would have called my *best* friend didn't see the issue in this when I confided in them...but I'm sure several people wouldn't because there is this expectation to SHARE EVERYTHING and ALWAYS BE THERE NO MATTER WHAT for your friends. And I fear some of you with this expectation are risking having your own weak boundaries or a lack of understanding or respect for other people and their need for boundaries.

Yes, "therapy speak" *is* weaponized. However, someone trying to maintain boundaries isn't always "commodifying" friendship. People are HUMAN and should be able to say "no" without people labeling them as "toxic." Sometimes people really can't listen to your problems, because they have their own. Sometimes people cannot drop everything and give you a ride to the airport because of very valid reasons that have nothing to do with how strong or weak your friendship is. And good god, it shouldn't be that hard to understand that invading a person's privacy just because you want to see what they're up to when they're not hanging out with you isn't normal.

#friendship #boundaries #therapy speak

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destinyc1020 · 1 year

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Just read that anon about the video, and I have to say it actually sounds legit. I don't see them asking for privacy unless they felt invaded and they were promised privacy at this resort in that way so it should've been respected. As far as I know, they've never really asked for stuff especially regarding privacy not even when that tik tok girl recorded them at the Crazy Horse place in Paris, and that was actually invasive. For all we know she recorded conversation and just didn't release it. That was invading for sure. I think the lack of respect we as fans have sometimes is so telling and it's sad. Two of the nicest celebrities and we can't let them alone for a little bit. And YESSS girl, I stand with you on social media. It's not everything. Someone said, Tom has changed. I don't think he has at all actually. Definitely more mature, but, still playful and loving from what I see on the outside. He's too diplomatic I think honestly, he let's people say things but doesn't really respond and when he does people attack him because they aren't use to him responding. He ain't passive, he just seems to always take the high road. Very admirable. This is about to be a married man, he is doing exactly what I would want my man to do celebrity or not. Protect me boo, and I will thank you later for it. Adore them as a couple and I hope the constant scrutiny they each endure, especially him, doesn't ruin anything. This world could really use the kindness, we see so little of it. Especially on Twitter. That's another story . Anywho, love your blog ma'am. Keep up the great work. Stay neutral and kind as always.

Awww... thanks Anon for the kind words about my blog. ❤

In answer to your ask....I agree with everything you've said.

I promised myself I wouldn't discuss this anymore, but I keep breaking my promises..... 🤦🏾‍♀️

Anyway, I agree w/you...

I feel like the main issue in this case was the fact that they were on vacation with each other and they had more than likely chosen the place/location specifically for its privacy. So to see that someone deliberately broke resort policy and not only filmed them w/out their consent, but also went out of their way to POST it PUBLICLY for the world to see? 👀

Yeaaaa.....I can see how that didn't go over too well with either of them. 🥴

I don't blame them for feeling a little violated. It wasn't even the paps who caught them (who celebrities realize they just can't control, no matter how much they wish they could), but it was a fan/hotel guest!! 😳 Someone who doesn't even make their living trying to get celebrity photos caught them. I can see how TZ were worried that it would start to cause an influx of fans and maybe even paps to catch on to their location and snap even more pictures and post them online. 🤦🏾‍♀️

So yea, I totally get it why Tom and Z weren't feeling that too much. 🥴 I don't see anything wrong with them speaking up about it, especially if the location they were vacationing at was supposed to be private and had a strict policy against photographing guests against their consent...especially celebrities.

Re: Social media, lack of respect, etc

Yep! I agree with this also. I think social media has caused fans to overstep their boundaries a bit when it comes to celebrities. 👀 Just being honest. While I can totally understand the excitement and whatever, I think some fans need to just put themselves in the shoes of their celebrity faves for a hot second. Think about how YOU would feel if strangers did certain things to you! It might not feel all that nice.

That's not even going into the haters who post hurtful, mean and unkind things to celebrities on their posts, or tag them in tweets bashing them for no good reason, etc. 😔 Yea, some ppl can say, "well just ignore it" (and I'm sure many celebs try to), but at the end of the day, they're still human, and sometimes words hurt! Especially when you know that these ppl don't know a thing about you personally, or lies have been spread about you all over the internet and ppl are reacting to the lie instead of the truth that you know. It's just crazy. 🥴

Re: Tom...

Yea, I don't think Tom has really changed who he is as a person either! I mean, I'm sure he's seen the downsides to massive fame, and has kind of learned a bit how to be more wise with his fans and fame level. But overall, he's obviously still the nice, kind, good guy that we've always known, and fan encounters and the things that ppl say about him reflect that! 😃

And yea girl.... I want my man to PROTECT me too!! Shoot lol.... 😂 If anything, ppl could argue that he was really protecting Zendaya with that plea to take down the video, because in all honesty, Tom's back was to the camera, so he could have been any old dude walking along the beach. But it was Zendaya who's face could be clearly seen in the video, on her bikini, splashing in the water.....

Anyway....

I adore them as a couple too Anon 🥰, and I really wish that this world would be more kind to others.

I believe it was the Dalai Lama who said:

Be kind whenever possible. It is ALWAYS possible. - Dalai Lama

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daswarschonkaputt · 2 years

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The chair when Porsche breaks is beautiful and heart rending and so true to form for what he was going through. For DVD commentary though, what was Kinn doing during this time? What was he thinking? Did Khun come and yell at him? What was his response?

i'm assuming you mean chapter instead of chair? i'm guessing autocorrect reared its ugly head here.

i'm so glad someone asked about this, lol. one of the real struggles of this fic has been knowing what kinn's thinking at all times and not ever really communicating it, beyond what porsche picks up. there's actually quite a lot going on with him this chapter, so i'll pick apart a few moments:

After months of casual touches and thoughtless displays of ownership, there’s something deeply uncomfortable about sitting next to Kinn, each of them wooden and unmoving, an inch of obsessively-maintained space between them at all times. Porsche is furious at it, and all it represents – and simultaneously pathetically, painfully grateful for it.

okay so this is one of the first scenes in the chapter: the car ride back from the hotel to the compound. we've cut straight to the aftermath, and we don't really hear much about the immediate morning after they had sex whilst porsche was drugged. i wanted to convey palpable awkwardness with this scene.

what's going through kinn's mind right now? well, kinn is very aware he crossed a line with porsche. he's aware he's done something wrong, and feels a fair bit of guilt for it -- but he's pushed that down in favour of being functional. he doesn't know how to position himself in the light of what happened, especially because porsche's reaction upon waking up was just to sort of sit there, incredibly traumatised.

kinn spends a lot of the two earliest chapters shamelessly inserting himself into porsche's space, and putting his hands on porsche. i mentioned a few times in the comments section that this was about power. kinn felt that by controlling the ways that he and porsche touch (being the one to touch, being the one to move porsche, always being the aggressor) he could hide the power porsche already unknowingly held against him. but here, kinn's realising that his quest to make himself feel more secure has come at the price of some fundamental part of porsche.

so, he retreats. he doesn't touch. he doesn't invade porsche's space. he doesn't look at him.

this is very much the start of kinn attempting to respect porsche's boundaries, which becomes foundational to their relationship as it progresses.

There’s a moment, over the car, where their eyes meet. Kinn breaks first. “Pete,” he says, turning to the two bodyguards climbing out of the front of the car. “Have a doctor sent up to my rooms in an hour.” [...] The word bursts out of Porsche’s mouth with unexpected vehemence. “ No.” Kinn turns to him, eyes glinting dangerously. “Excuse me?”

of course, it wouldn't be kinn/porsche without some give and take. respecting porsche's boundaries also means respecting when porsche says no to things involving his body -- not just not touching him. kinn isn't so great at that yet. as you can see, he's fully prepared to force the issue of the doctor. kinn doesn't fully get the extent of porsche's issues with him yet. he still sees porsche as a subordinate, who should do as he's told.

he'll get there.

“Okay,” Porsche says, voice twisted with sardonic bitterness. “If it’s for intel.” He fists his hands in his shirt, still stained with his drink from last night, and wrenches it open. Buttons fly. Pete flinches. Porsche rips the item off his torso, and throws it at Kinn. “Run your tests,” he says. “And leave me the hell alone.”

man if i could write one bit in kinn pov from the earlier chapters, i'd want it to be this scene. because porsche has been so quiet, so withdrawn, in the aftermath of the night they spent together, this is the first time he's really gotten angry with kinn, and really pushed back hard. this is one of the first glimpses kinn gets of how fucked up porsche is by what happened.

kinn's pretty affected by this, although he doesn't really show it openly. i think at this at this point, he decides that he's going to respect porsche's wishes here. that it's important that he does respect porsche's wishes here. porsche asks to be left alone -- so kinn leaves him alone. for the entire chapter.

Kinn doesn’t come to the room that night. Porsche lies on their bed, surrounded by the scent of him, and doesn’t sleep a wink.

things would have gone very differently, i feel, if kinn had come to the room that night. i actually think they maybe would have talked earlier, but i don't think it would have been good for their longterm relationship development. longterm, porsche needed to know that kinn would respect his autonomy. he needed to know that kinn was capable of listening when he said no.

anyway, kinn spends the night elsewhere, probably in a guest bedroom. he drops by early in the morning, quietly, and leaves the test results from the drink-on-shirt spillage on the dresser.

and we get this:

There’s a sheet of folded paper on the dresser. Porsche frowns. He hadn’t heard anyone come in last night, but then again, he wasn’t really in the best place to notice an incursion. He looks around for some other sign of disturbance, and finds none. Porsche picks it up, and unfolds it. His hands falter. Sample tested positive for gamma-hydroxybutyrate (GHB). Negative for all other substances.

so obviously, kinn isn't intending for his little paperwork drop off to trigger an incident where porsche covers himself in hairdye and strangles himself, but that's obviously one of the effects. he drops the paper off without talking to porsche because he's trying to keep porsche appraised of what's going on, without porsche having to talk to him. (because porsche told kinn to leave him alone.)

this... well. you know. porsche doesn't respond well to this.

Tankhun’s head appears in the doorway. “Come tell Hom which products are yours.” “Oh. None of them,” Porsche answers. Tankhun makes a face. “Fine. We’ll just take Kinn’s.” Then, darkly, “Serves him right.” He ducks back into the bathroom.

tankhun! my former favourite character! so obviously, here, tankhun is pretty upset with kinn, because to him, porsche just got almost kidnapped? and kinn's just sort of left him there to struggle? and clearly porsche is struggling a lot. the blue hairdye meant that tankhun could see pretty clearly porsche had tried to strangle himself, and tankhun put that together with the bruising on porsche's neck when they first met, and now he's just really upset with kinn.

following this, tankhun does go and read kinn the riot act, and kinn sort of takes it before telling him to stay out of it. it's not a great feeling to listen to tankhun's rant, because tankhun is laying the blame at kinn's feet a little, like this is your boyfriend, why aren't you looking after him? and kinn's not arguing back because he knows what's wrong with porsche is his fault, but tankhun is wrong because the one thing that would make it all worse is kinn showing up and trying to make a production out of taking care of porsche.

Tae’s gaping at him. “Keep your bike,” Porsche spits, “and stay the fuck away from me.”

tae ends this encounter by immediately going and talking to kinn, like, "hey bestie i think i really upset your boyfriend," to which kinn replies, "it's not you he's upset with."

essentially, kinn spends the week after the diamond auction with everyone around him in his life telling him that something's wrong with porsche, like, hey maybe go fix your boyfriend, and kinn's unable to tell them that he can't, because he's the one that broke him to begin with. and with every new story he hears, the guilt worsens.

because porsche isn't getting better. if anything, it seems like porsche is just getting worse and worse and worse.

“I’ll let you go,” Khun Korn says. He stands. “Kinn’ll be in his rooms, at this hour.”

okay, so the khun korn chess conversation happens immediately after porsche nearly drowns himself in the pool. what we don't see as a reader is what happens behind these two scenes.

by the time he's fishing porsche out of the pool, chan has received porsche's report on the diamond auction, kinn initiated a sexual encounter with me and all. he's already concerned, and then he finds porsche in the pool, and that concern becomes a pressing matter.

he leaves porsche with khun korn, and goes to find kinn, who, like khun korn says, is in his rooms at that hour. chan tells kinn that he wants to put porsche on psychiatric leave. kinn pushes back against this for a variety of reasons, but chiefly, because if porsche goes on psychiatric leave, kinn has to confront the fact that he's done something irreparable to porsche, that the burgeoning whatever they had between them can never be regained, that he's completely and utterly fucked everything up.

and he's not ready to grieve that, quite yet.

kinn finishes this conversation with chan, and finds porsche in his rooms.

“Well, then what do you want, Porsche?” Kinn asks. “Because I sure as hell can’t figure it out. You ask me to stay away from you, and then you show up here. You don’t want me to apologise, but you’re clearly pissed at me. Your motives are a fucking mystery to me, right now, and I don’t have time to play your little mind games and figure them out.”

hmm, i wonder what previous relationship kinn could have had that made him think he had to play mind games with porsche to figure out what's going on in his head? hmm, i wonder where we might lay that blame. truly, a mystery for the ages.

jokes aside, i'll draw your attention to this paragraph from a later chapter:

Kinn can guess at what Tae wanted to say. “Tawan and I fought,” he says. “I just didn’t talk about it, much.” It upset Tawan, the idea that Kinn would badmouth him to their friends every time they had a disagreement. It made the experience of fighting with Tawan feel—isolating, sometimes. He didn’t even like it if Kinn talked about it with his family. At the time, he thought it was because Tawan desperately wanted to be liked, approved of, by Kinn’s loved ones. He thought a lot of things at the time.

the tawan/kinn past relationship was incredibly dysfunctional, and i would probably class as vaguely emotionally abusive on tawan's side. tawan cut kinn off from his support network very effectively, to the extent that kinn ended up lashing out at kim, when he came to kinn with concerns about tawan. i didn't end up going into too much detail here, but kinn's obsession with maintaining power in his relationships is entirely due to what happened with tawan, and the way tawan played games during their time together.

when tawan was upset, kinn wasn't allowed to talk to his family about it. kinn had to guess what he'd done and make amends.

so, he's reactionary, when he sees porsche as doing the same.

Kinn looks up at the ceiling, and then looks down at Porsche. “Khun is pissed at me because he thinks I broke you,” he says. “After your stunt today at the pool, Chan wants to put you on psychiatric leave. My father – and for the record, every other functioning member of our family – is breathing down my neck because the attempted kidnapping of a major family member has every one of our enemies convinced that now is the right time to strike – and on top of all that, the Compound laundry girl is refusing to service my room, and when pressed for an explanation she simply told me that I should ask you. You won’t let me apologise, you won’t sleep in our rooms, you threw Tae’s gift back in his face – so Porsche, I mean this wholeheartedly: what the hell do you want from me?”

every time kinn hears from someone about how he's messed up porsche, he feels guiltier, and every time he feels guiltier, he also feels angrier. because what can he do? how can he make it right? he's trying to do what porsche wants, but everyone around him is yelling at him telling him that he's being a bad boyfriend for doing so. the dam bursts here, and he finally says what's going through his head.

he's as lost as porsche is.

Porsche lowers his hand, hooking his fingers into Kinn’s belt loops, and that’s when Kinn pushes him away.

kinn kisses porsche, but when porsche moves to initiate something sexual, kinn backs off. he doesn't want to push porsche too far. he doesn't want porsche to do something with him he'll regret.

He’s breathing through his nose. Porsche feels a little thrill of victory at it – the knowledge that Kinn isn’t nearly as unaffected as he likes to pretend. He tilts his head. Curls his lip. “What?” he asks, a vicious kind of dare. “Too lucid for you?” Kinn’s face twists. Porsche thinks for a second he might hit him, and in that moment, he almost wants him to. Go on Kinn, Porsche thinks. Prove yourself as awful as I know you are. But Kinn doesn’t. He just closes his eyes, and breathes. Porsche looks at him, and thinks that he’s never hated anyone as much as this.

this is bait from porsche. he's trying to get kinn to do something to him, so kinn will prove himself the monster in his head. and kinn knows that. and he just can't. so even though he's furious with porsche, furious at the barb (too lucid for you? ouch) he visibly reins himself in.

Porsche’s hands go slack in Kinn’s shirt. “I’m sorry,” he says, uselessly, reflexively. He moves to step away, to put the distance back between them, to try and return to whatever tortured stalemate they had before he fucked it all up. Kinn stops him. The hand in his hair curls around his cheek. Kinn’s looking at him. “Do you want this?” he asks.

this is the moment when kinn realises how he can make it better. he makes it better by letting porsche have control. he makes it better by finally letting porsche take the role of the instigator, the aggressor. he lets porsche figure out what he wants.

if porsche wants something from kinn, kinn gives it to him. he gives up control, just this once.

He feels a weight on his cheek. Porsche looks up to see Kinn looking down at him, a soft hand on his cheek. He can read the unspoken question in Kinn’s eyes, Do you want to stop?

i think the fun thing this chapter is that porsche characterises giving someone a blowjob as an example of taking control -- in his mind, it isn't submissive, it's dominant, because you are giving someone else pleasure -- you are in control of them. kinn doesn't really see it the same way, necessarily -- he doesn't understand why it's important to porsche that porsche does this.

do you want to stop? because kinn doesn't need porsche to return the favour. this is about porsche.

the other fun bit about the blowjob scene is that kinn is completely unaware of porsche's relative inexperience. this is one of the things i really want to be clear about: kinn thinks porsche has experience with men.

it's not, like, an unreasonable assumption. porsche was hired to be kinn's fake boyfriend, and porsche has expressed no discomfort whatsoever about this, or about what it will say about his sexuality, or even about being touched by another man to sell the ruse. kinn knows porsche has been with women, but he thinks porsche is an established bisexual.

so kinn is really oblivious, during this part of the fic, to the fact that the diamond auction was essentially porsche's first time with a man. if he knew then, he would have had all sorts of feelings about it, i think.

it's really funny to me, because kinn is a super slut. he's slept with so many guys. and he gets his entire world rocked by a guy who's never given a blowjob before.

they're so fucking gone on each other it's insane.

Later, lying in Kinn’s bed, staring up at the camera lens in the ceiling, Porsche finds the strength to speak. “I want to hear it.” He feels Kinn shift next to him. “Hear what?” Porsche swallows past the lump in his throat. “Your apology.” “Oh,” Kinn says. “I’m sorry, Porsche. About that night, at the hotel. There was a line, and I crossed it. I wish—I wish I hadn’t done those things to you, when you were like that.”

apology scene my beloved! i really, really like this scene. one of my favourite bits of the fic.

a few things about this one: kinn's apology is short, and to the point. he has been thinking about this all week. he has been waiting for a chance to say these words to porsche for a long time -- waiting for the moment porsche comes to find him. and the words held a lot of weight for him, before he and porsche slept together. now they're easier to bear.

the other thing is that i struggled with the wording of it a lot. i wanted it to be clear what he was talking about, but i didn't think kinn would be like. super specific. i knew he would use euphemisms. "a line, and i crossed it."/"when you were like that."

i also thought it was important to qualify the statement -- when you were like that. kinn doesn't deny that he wanted to have sex with porsche. he specifically identifies the issue: porsche was drugged.

Porsche stays there. “I want to wear my own clothes,” he says, when he’s built up the nerve. “And a phone. And I want to see my brother.” Kinn presses his lips against Porsche’s nape. “Okay,” he says.

kinn would have given porsche literally anything he asked for in that moment. he's indulgent with the people he loves. and i think it settles something in him, that what porsche chooses to ask for, with his new power over kinn, are simple, easy things. his own clothes. a phone. a visit to his brother. it makes the fact that he's given up his power over porsche, that he's let porsche see how much he cares back -- it makes it all less terrifying.

he can trust this one.

tawan would have taken so much more from him. and i think that's one of the important things about kinn, and his relationship with porsche: realising that the things that came from tawan, mean different things coming from porsche. kinn trusts that porsche won't ask for more than he can give. and porsche never does.

in later chapters, there are echoes, between porsche and tawan. but kinn never puts them next to each other, never compares. because he knows that they're completely different.

#fic: between the sheets #kinn pov is so hard for me but writing sheets i always knew what he was thinking in scenes #ALWAYS #there was a whole bunch of tawan stuff that didn't make it into the fic #but it's there #lurking in the background #it made sense not to spell it out in detail tbh #bc i don't think kinn really identifies just how fucked up everything with tawan was #tawan lives in a box inside kinn's head labelled ''regret''#and that's about all he does with it #dating porsche helps him realise that it wasn't necessarily the things tawan did that was the issue #(e.g. kissing him; pulling secrets from him; demanding trust and honesty)#but what he did with them when kinn gave them to him #god i could write a separate novel all about kinn and the echoes of tawan but i don't want to right now #i need to rest #dub con cw #date rape cw #ghb cw #drugs cw #abuse cw #other canon typical content warnings for kinnporsche apply as always

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