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ptergwen · 3 years

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love is more than a word

w/c: a very ouch 3.6k

warnings: so so so much angst and an unhealthy (ish) relationship

summary: after nearly four years together, peter has stopped trying

a/n: listen y’all i don’t know what came over me when i made this but i think it’s the saddest thing i’ve ever written? uh try to enjoy tho

you never thought this would happen, but you’re getting tired of peter. it isn’t your fault. that cliche it’s not you, it’s me line doesn’t apply here.

at first, you actually did find yourself believing the it’s me part. you’d came to the conclusion that you expect too much from peter. he goes to class, he works, patrols, sometimes parties, takes you out when he can. he’s got a lot going on for a full time college student, which is a busy life to lead on its own.

it’s why you don’t complain when he wants to spend the night in and order a pizza instead of cooking together like you’ve been wanting to try. it’s why every time your friends ask you two to hang, you have to reluctantly explain that peter is passed out at eight o’clock on a saturday.

there’s a lazy “wanna make out?” some nights, if peter isn’t yawning when he steps through the front door. even that has lost its enjoyment. kissing peter doesn’t give you the rush it used to, the taste of his strawberry chapstick not flooding your senses and intoxicating you. it’s become predictable. comfortable. boring.

peter is boring.

you’ve slipped into unspoken routine. say your hello’s, work on separate assignments in different rooms. peter eventually yells something like “babe, you hungry yet?” across the apartment, his passive way of asking you to make dinner. you usually order takeout because why make an effort if he doesn’t?

you might watch one of the ten movies peter has liked since before the start of your relationship. he’ll usually fall asleep during it. no surprise there. his overpacked schedule exhausts him, which you’ve talked to him about spreading himself too thin. peter is too nice and can’t say no, so this is where it leaves him.

the main reason you’ve stayed with him is that he can’t take care of himself. he’s clueless about paying the bills, sorting his laundry, simply remembering to drink water. peter wouldn’t be able to go a week without you. he even says it himself.

“crap, i totally forgot about these,” when you picked up his special ordered textbooks from your school library. “can food go in the garbage disposal?” a rare time you didn’t wash the dishes. “thank you, y/n/n. you’re literally a lifesaver,” whenever you do a task for him that someone in their 20s shouldn’t need assistance with.

you didn’t used to mind much. he watches over the city every night. you felt you should return the favor. spider-man could use some help, too. after the almost four years you’ve been together, peter has become completely dependent on you. it only got worse when you moved in together your junior year. you’re concerned how he’ll manage later in his adult life.

you’d think he’d be a little more passionate about your relationship considering how much he needs you. you know peter still loves you, of course he does. that’s not what the problem is. he’s become content with the mutual feeling, so he doesn’t try anymore. he expects the spark to keep itself lit.

no more random joke of the day texts that he used to send you. he stopped surprising you with your coffee order in the morning, the one that he memorized the first time you two went to a starbucks. what you initially found most endearing about peter was that he remembered every little thing you told him.

he put whatever energy he had into showing you that he listened. he’d do it all with rosy cheeks and that toothy smile of his. it seems now like he’s under the impression that being in a long term relationship means none of that matters anymore. there’s no need to impress you, keep you guessing, make you feel special.

tonight is your breaking point. as you go over all of this in your head while peter lays peacefully next to you, you can’t take it. you’ve been making so many excuses for him. you lie to yourself. you’re desperate to believe this is okay and normal and you can work this out, and you can love whatever version of him this is.

but, you can’t. you can’t do it. you need to tell him now because if you sleep on this, you’ll end up feeling bad and be stuck under these suffocating blankets forever.

“peter?” you whisper his name, your back turned to him in bed. you haven’t cuddled each other to sleep in a while. his arms don’t make you feel held now, they make you feel trapped. you’ve been forcing yourself to ignore his look of hurt when you reject his open embrace.

“peter?” you speak louder after a moment of silence, except for his occasional snores. a loud one escapes him before they stop altogether. his eyes stay shut as he mumbles out a, “uh... huh?” your heart is thudding through your entire body. you take a breath in from your nose. “i wanna break up.”

the breath you let out next is one of relief, those three words that have been scratching your throat for months finally out. peter slowly turns his head over his shoulder. he blinks rapidly at your motionless figure. you’re still not facing him.

“what?” is all he says. his voice is surprisingly steady, the confession not yet registering with his sleepy mind. his eyes are burning into you. “i wanna break up,” you repeat and squish your face further into your pillow. peter suddenly sits up, flicking on the lamp on his side. he tries to sling an arm around you. you move further away until you’re at the edge of the bed.

“i’m serious, peter. everything we had, it’s gone.” your words cut through him harder than literal knives he’s been stabbed with. “i- i don’t understand. where is this coming from?” he rakes a hand through his mess of curls. you turn onto your back, looking up at peter. his eyes are fixed on your lower half.

he’ll most definitely cry if he meets your eyes. he really doesn’t want to cry, not ever again when you won’t be here to make him feel better.

“it’s been coming,” you almost scoff at him as you prop yourself up against your pillows. peter’s teeth tug at his lower lip. “all we do is this.” you gesture to your bed, slapping your hand down at your side. “i get tired,” he speaks quietly, refusing to look at you. “i know you do, peter. i know, but you’d be a lot happier if you ever listened to me.”

your statement comes off as condescending to him. he works up the courage to look you in the face. “are you kidding? all you do is boss me around, and i take it. i’ve never once complained.” anger is coursing through his veins and voice. at the situation, that he’s about to lose the one stable part of his life. you’re getting pissed, too.

“that’s because you can’t do anything yourself!” you throw the blankets off you and swing your legs over the bed in one motion. peter hops out of bed entirely. “my whole life, i’ve been on my own half the time,” he spits as he comes over to stand in front of you. “sorry for taking you up on your offers to help.”

your peter would never spew that shit out. he wouldn’t guilt you for something he’s in the wrong about. this peter takes you for granted. he has no clue how fucked he’d be without you.

the first time you spoke to peter was on your way to history 227. you’d recognized him from your class, much more interested in the pretty boy taking notes with his tongue stuck out than whatever war your professor would lecture about.

he was carrying some books, a pencil case that didn’t fully zip, and a five subject notebook. you watched him do his balancing act through the halls until his legs started to wobble. a knowing smile on your face, you tapped his shoulder. it was a gentle one so you didn’t scare him and make all his things fall over.

“can i carry something for you?” you laughed out and pushed one of your backpack straps up on your shoulder. peter only stared at you, his doe eyes prompting you to reach for his pencil case. “uh, no, it’s fine. i got it. see?” he proved that to you by hiking everything up in his arms. he gave you a smile of his own.

“are you sure? we’re going to the same place,” you’d checked again and pointed at his impressive pile. “i’m not gonna steal your sharpies.” “really, i’m fine,” peter insisted with a heart clenching chuckle. “you can have one, if you want,” he offered and attempted to unzip his case, one handed. you put your hand over his to stop him.

“wait until we get to class,” you let go of him, leaving the tips of peter’s ears a shade of pink you’d later fall in love with. “i’ll sit with you.”

peter was once determined to do things on his own, to be self-sufficient. it used to be something he was proud of. now, he’s completely incapable of holding his independence.

“we’re done, peter.” your tone is short, you getting to your feet. “you’d probably forget how to fucking breathe without me, but call it bossing around, i guess,” you laugh bitterly and go over to your drawers. peter’s face falls as he grabs your wrist, stopping you when you pass by him. “where are you going?”

no answer. you pull yourself out of his grasp with your lips pressed into a stern line. peter follows you step by step over to the dresser. “wait, wait. don’t leave, baby. please,” he begs you, getting onto his knees beside you. you’re pulling random clothes out as quick as you can. a science t-shirt peter outgrew is in your hands.

peter used to give you all his old clothes. the signature smell of his cologne lingered no matter how many times you washed them. they kept you calm on nights he was out late patrolling or away on missions. peter would sport a smirk whenever you wore them out in public, pulling you closer to him and complimenting the look.

it started when he was packing for his first mission since you two had begun living together. he’d realized he became too buff to fit in some shirts. remembering how many times you’d giggle at their funny sayings, peter gave them to you. you threw one on and thanked him with a peck on the cheek. it became your tradition.

peter would set off for a new continent, but a piece of him would stay home with you.

the stretched out hoodies and ripped sweatpants just sit in your drawer now. another meaningful thing discontinued. whatever he doesn’t want goes to may for donations now. the memory of what they used to mean to you makes a fit of rage burst through you.

you slam down his ‘find x’ shirt in the space between his knees and yours. you’re on a mission of your own this time. you aren’t going anywhere until you get rid of all the stuff that went from him to you.

“y/n, don’t do this. i- i love you. i love you.” peter chokes out, tears filling his eyes. his vision is clouded while you toss more clothes to your side. “i love you, y/n/n,” he whimpers again, and this time you briskly push the drawer shut. the whole dresser shakes. this is the most emotion either of you have shown in the past few months of your relationship. it’s a little too late.

“love is more than a word, peter. you have to back it up with actions.” you’re doing your best not to cry. the memories of how loved peter made you feel play in your mind. he briefly wipes under his eyes and shakes his head. he’s so oblivious. “i thought i- i did.” “exactly, you did. you gave up at some point.” your voice gets weaker as a tear drips down your chin.

you didn’t plan on breaking down when you imagined this moment. part of you wishes you could give him another chance. most of you knows it wouldn’t do any good for you or peter. you’re not right for each other anymore. he outgrew some sweatshirts, you outgrew him.

that takes you all the way back to it’s not you, it’s me. it’s really both of you.

for the last time, you pull peter in for a hug. the two of you need this. he loops his arms around your back, keeping them loose around you as he tucks his face into the side of your neck. you’re a mix of tears and sharp breaths with your chin on his shoulder. you bring a hand up to the back of his head, grabbing a fistful of curls.

he sobs right into your ear, effectively destroying whatever composure you had left.

even though you’re not in love with peter, you haven’t stopped loving him. somewhere inside of him is the goofy boy who asked you out on a post-it during class. the kindhearted man who gave so much of himself to the world and saved enough for you. the one whose fingertips left goosebumps on your skin with every touch.

seeing him like this, having caused it feels like a dull pain rippling in every part of your body. you’ve been there to soothe him during countless breakdowns over the years. you managed to stay strong for all of them. this is the only exception. he lost people, felt down about life, made mistakes. you were there to pick up each piece and put them back together.

the one mistake peter made that you can’t fix is not loving you right. you became his rock, his anchor whenever he let grief and sadness rule over him. you’d get him back to himself. he could’ve at least bought you flowers once in a while, or done anything that showed his gratitude. every iteration of awful put together isn’t enough to describe how he feels.

“i’m so- i’m so fucking sorry, baby. i don’t deserve you. i never have,” peter murmurs as he cries, wetting your skin that his face is still pressed into. your fingers pull roughly at his hair. hot tears overflow from your own eyes. “i should’ve done more.” his voice cracks on the last word. “that’s all i wanted to hear, pete,” you breathe out and pull away from him.

“does that mean you’ll stay?” he croaks, arms still wound around your body. his eyes are hopeful when they lock with yours. a frown pulls at your lips. “only for tonight. i should... one of us should sleep on the couch.” “oh,” his voice is gravelly, so he clears his throat. “i’ll do it.” you’re not going to fight him on it for once.

peter removes his arms from your waist, you sitting back down on your thighs. you give him a blink and you’ll miss it smile because you can’t keep one for long. it’s to let him know you’re not mad. you were at the start of this conversation, then he took accountability. you also came to terms with the fact that the downfall of your relationship was a joined effort.

there are more factors than peter not giving you what he should have. time, different goals, new outlooks on life. you can’t hate only him because a whole bunch of things lead to this.

instead of a smile, since he physically can’t put one on his splotchy face, peter brushes the pad of his thumb over the corner of your lips. he gets up to leave the room, but you stop him with a “wait!” he freezes in front of you. you get out a hoodie from his pile of old clothes and stand up. “it’s cold.” you put it in his hands, earning a grin that he didn’t think was possible.

“thanks, y/n,” peter sighs and holds the hoodie against his chest. “goodnight. um,” this is the part where he’d usually say i love you. “sleep well, okay?” the replacement stings for both of you. you’ll have to learn to fall asleep without hearing that phrase first. as much as you didn’t feel it anymore, you’d become used to it. “you too, peter. night,” you say softly.

you head back to your bed while peter walks out the door. he glances at you once, and you’re already settling under the covers. he shuts the door behind him before finding his way to the couch.

your bed has always seemed too small. it’s gigantic without peter. you aren’t sure how you feel about that yet.

peter lays across the couch, the hood that doesn’t quite fit him pulled over his head. he’s only wearing it because you gave it to him. you doing that not even five minutes ago was how you backed up your love with actions. it’s so easy. silent tears spill from his eyes at the realization.

he wishes on every star that he could’ve figured out he wasn’t doing enough sooner. you’d be together right now, had he just caught on. there was a time he prided himself on knowing you fully and completely. how to turn you into the shy one with certain combinations of words, what your schedule was each week so he could plan his free time around it.

your relationship became something he thought would last unconditionally. if only he was able pinpoint the exact moment he went wrong.

you’re right in the other room. he can go in there and bawl, plead for you to take him back. how could he do that and claim to love you, though? you’ve made it clear you‘re over him.

the best way for peter to show you he loves you is by letting you live your life, without him in it.

you don’t see peter again for weeks. he moved back in with may, and you got to keep the apartment. you were the one who took all the care of it, anyway.

your semester ended at the perfect time because peter isn’t in any of your new classes. the city is too big to bump into each other. you’re free from the hold he had on you, which would’ve been four years long since yesterday. you’ve been good at picking up his broken pieces for too long, and now it’s time to pick up your own.

for all the hangouts you missed on his behalf, you made up for it. you called mj the day after your breakup and met for lunch. she never explicitly said it, but she took your side. peter had a feeling because when he had the same idea as you, to lean on his friends for support, she never reached out.

betty is indifferent, ned stays cordial with you. his real loyalty is to peter. you can’t blame him.

peter hasn’t been doing well since you broke up. he’s not eating enough, he can’t focus on work of any kind. you were right when you said he would forget how to breathe without you. he often wonders how you’ve been.

he finds out today.

you’re walking around campus, heading in the direction peter just came from. he has a class in the building your last one was. the two of you are on the same sidewalk, opposite sides. he almost doesn’t recognize you.

mj is on one side of you, a guy he’s never seen before with an arm around your shoulders. you’re all laughing about whatever dumb thing your professor said during the lecture. your hair, which is done in a new style, flows behind you in the spring breeze. a smile takes place on your glossy lips. the smile is directed towards that guy. your new boyfriend, peter assumes.

you look amazing, and not only physically. you seem happy with your small group of people. peter hadn’t been able to give you that happiness in years, so it’s nice to see you got it back somehow.

he must have stared too long because you notice him. you fall behind mj and your potential boyfriend, both of them wrapped up in discussing your next project. peter stops walking. you do the same. he’s not sure if he upset you, or what’s going on. his instincts tell him to apologize. his mouth stays closed.

that infectious smile of yours appears once again. you thought about peter yesterday, it being your anniversary and all. you’d only let yourself remember the good things. they outweighed the bad ones when you look back on everything.

“aye, grandma! get over here!” mj calls to you, your boyfriend nudging her side. “take your time, y/n/n. i’m not in a rush to write seven long ass pages.” you laugh to yourself at the two of them. peter fiddles with the zipper on his jacket. it’s from the drawer of things you used to wear. “one sec!” you yell back.

“hey,” you turn to face peter, who’s giving you a tight lipped smile. “how’ve you been?” “i’m okay. just, you know,” he shrugs and clasps his hands behind his back. there’s a short silence before peter says, “you seem good. really good.” he smiles for real this time. “yeah, i am. i hope you are, too,” you tell him and genuinely mean it.

you’d like to catch up soon, but it’s not right yet. you both need more time. “i’ll see you around?” you’re already starting to walk, backwards so you can see peter. “uh, sure. bye,” he gives you a quick wave and continues on his way.

you get back to mj and your boyfriend, his arm returning to your shoulders. they waited for you by the stoplight. “what’d ya get up to over there?” he teases, mj suspiciously watching your face for any tells. you carefully think through your answer with a grin. “love.”

#tom holland #peter parker #tom holland fluff #tom holland angst #tom holland smut #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #peter parker fluff #peter parker smut #peter parker imagine #peter parker x you #peter parker x reader #spiderman #marvel #peter parker angst

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soldmysoultootomeboys · 4 years

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Obey Me Brothers Wedding HCS

Just some wedding headcanons for the boys bcuz i’m soft for them, Gn MC

Thinks about marrying Asmo => 😡💕💕

Lucifer

I can not stress how much this man would be a bridezilla

He’s probably the MOST high maintenance demon when it comes to this, even over Asmo

He gets so stressed over it too and when he's stressed he gets extremely snippy

It takes you knocking a little sense into him to get him back on track

He just wants your day to be perfect and with his brothers causing trouble it's hard to really focus on choosing a tablecloth

He won’t be any nicer to his brothers but he will try to avoid causing fights at this time simply because it's really important to him that ALL of his family is there.

The night after proposing you find a beautiful envelope on white paper with gold trim in your room you realize it's a congratulation note from the celestial realm, presumably from the big man upstairs, it's still a heartstopping realization when you realize who your father in law technically is

Are you committing a sin marrying a fallen angel? Do you care?

It’s easier to ignore it than do anything else, although you do appreciate them registering for the coffee maker you had on your registry. You needed that. Mammon broke the last one.

Kindly begs asks you NOT to do anything crazy in the week leading up to it

Please MC his heart he's about to explode from stress please don't add to it, just for one week

Diavolo plans his bachelor party at the Fall with Barbatos. Invites you along and you have to explain how bachelor parties work

If it’s up to him the wedding will be all black with red accents eDgY mUcH?

At the altar he kisses you twice, first to show everyone that your his, the second time is just for you two, he hides you away from sight curling his black wings around you and holding you as close as he can bear

In the end it's a very happy celebration filled with good food, family, and friends

When you cut the cake feel free to smash a little bit in his face, this is your only chance, he'll be in too much of a good mood to retaliate...much

Mammon

Luxury luxury luxury

He wants solid gold altars, diamond encrusted bouquets, jewels imported from every corner of the world

He has so many plans (as well as a ridiculously long wedding registry)

But the moment you say you want anything he abandons them

Whatever you want he wants, but if you wanted some diamonds too that would be great

He absolutely would be down for a wedding bouncy castle

He gets you the biggest diamond ring ever that he buys with his own money from a lot of shifts at Hell's kitchen and modelling gigs

He totally believes in the tradition of not seeing you until your wedding day but he also forgets so he walks in and as soon as he realizes you're getting ready he shuts his eyes and tries to run out. He'll only talk to you from behind the door.

When he sees you walking down the aisle he falls in love all over again. And he feels like that a hundred different moments. It doesn't matter what you're doing, playing with your veil, wiping cake off the corner of your mouth, yawning, he loves you and loves that you’re his.

He could get married to you in a ditch and still be the happiest man in the world.

He's an absolute goofball and is smiling the entire time

The couple that during their wedding night end up jumping on the bed and having pillow fights while play wrestling

Levi

You really want to marry a gross otaku like him??? Why??

Not that he's complaining! He just doesn't get it. His brothers are so cool and Asmo is so much prettier than him and he doesn't have anything to offer.

It takes a lot of reassuring to convince that this is what you want to do

You two have this same conversation about a million times before the wedding. He just doesn't get why you actually like him. Once it finally sets in that this really is happening and it's not just some big joke he gets really into it and definitely puffs up around his brothers to show off

His first thought is a cosplay wedding and he'll beg for it to be Ruri-chan themed

Good luck getting Lucifer or any of his brothers to agree to dressing up, as funny as it may be

If you shoot that down it's pretty easy to convince him to do something else since mostly he's just excited to be with you

He still has a little Ruri pin on his suit collar and cufflinks

When you walk down the aisle he feels like he’s going to faint from nerves and when it’s time for vows he pulls out a huge list of all the reasons he loves you and why your his Henry, although about half of it compares things you’ve done to things in TSL

He only makes it through a quarter of the way before he gets embarrassed

When he lifts your veil he panics because your so pretty and he can’t handle it

You have to initiate the kiss and when you do he turns as red as a tomato

He tries to play it off but keep a strong arm around his waist unless he really does decide to pass out

He cools down once you guys are at the reception and gets especially excited the little custom made toppers of you two in cartoon form

Satan

He's a bridezilla but in the lightest sense of the word

He won't get upset over mix ups or even really wedding stuff like Asmo or Lucifer but his temper will be extremely fine during this time, especially when it comes to his brothers.

Throws an entire table through the window when Lucifer asks him if he knew where Mammon was

It’s a lot of stress to create the perfect wedding and he buries his nose in different books that can help him

He’s a bit of a perfectionist

The most classic and elegant wedding ever and he’d want to be involved in every step of the way

Very interested in your opinion and if it compares to human weddings

He flushes with pride whenever you compliment something he picked out

Includes casual literary references in his wedding but only so people who really know will realize

Wears a navy suit

Asmo

Also a bridezilla and a petty one at that

There will be drama, there will be tears, there will be a part where he cries off his mascara because Andrealphus of the damned brought the white bouquets and he wanted the PINK ones. This is HIS day why is she trying to ruin it.

It’s a lot of work trying to keep the damage to a minimal

Part of the reason he gets so upset is because this is your day too and he wants it to be perfect.

Prepare for a million dress rehearsals.

He wants to help pick out your outfit and makeup! But he also doesn't want to break human tradition...But he wants to help pick out your outfit and makeup so bad!!

If he manages to restrain himself he picks out the makeup artist and the stylizer because he knows what makeup you like and what looks best on your skin.

Most likely tho he'll want to see anyways and bugs you to let him in

You compromise by going shopping with him as he tries on a million dresses and suits

MC the suit on the right or the one on the left?

They both look exactly the same.

"...Left love." "That's exactly what I was thinking. I knew I could trust you to pick out the right answer!"

Even though he's very good at fashion your opinion matters a lot to him. Sure he could make himself look perfect but he wants to look perfect for YOU. He wants to be your version of perfect and if that means he picks the high cut dress instead of the low cut which flatters his waist better then he'll do it. For you.

He's the type to want to have all the spotlight on him so if you're walking down the aisle he's going to do it too! He does it first. HE says for the attention. In reality he wants to be able to see you the moment you step out the doors and down that hall.

Looks super perfect as he waits for you at the aisle but the moment you get married he starts ugly crying. He throws his veil back on so no one can see it but you just lift it up and kiss away his tears.

Even though it's a lot of work it's worth it to be with the demon you love...but if you shove cake in his face he'll seriously kill you, MC do you know how long this took?!!!!! :'(

Beel

He’s more than happy to do whatever you want

Whatever vision you have he's willing to make happen

He does his best but feels a little useless since keeps having to break for snacks

Wonders why you’d want to be with him when all he ever does it eat but he tries not to bring it up in case it would upset you

He honestly does have a lot of fun planning with you and his favorite part was when you got to taste test different cakes because he got to impress you by explaining all the little differences between each one

He ends up being in charge of everything food related and it helps him feel a bit better

Barbatos ends up cooking the dishes

During the rehearsal he falls in love with you all over again and doesn’t want to let you go the entire time

He gets especially nervous during the month of the wedding

He starts stress eating, going through even more food than normal, but then he gets worried about fitting into his suit and starts working out even more than normal, which makes him hungry again. It’s a terrible cycle

Belphie manages to break him out of it by reminding Beel that you love him more than anyone else

Even though its his wedding he starts setting up just to get out some of his nervous tension until the others shoo him back inside

A huge 20 layer cake each tier a different flavor

He has his own personal cake that's even bigger than the other cake but he’s more than willing to share with you

You two do the cute bit where you smash cake in each others faces

Beel still eats it tho

As much as he loves his family he's so happy to be able to steal you away at the end

Belphie

Planning a wedding is sooo much work

He lets you choose whatever you want as long as you let him sleep

if it was up to him he'd want a small informal celebration with his family but if you want something bigger than he guesses it's fine. As long as he doesn't have to talk to anyone like Diavolo

He uninvites Lucifer like three times, each time using extremely formal paper with beautiful cursive that must have taken hours. When Lucifer confronts him Belphie just says that it’s too late because he already gave away his seat.

He only brings him back when you make him

He sleeps more than usual in the weeks leading up to the wedding. You think it’s because of the stress but in actuality he’s trying to save up his sleep so he’s more awake for the ceremony

As much as he may act like he doesn’t care, he really does want to marry you and it makes him happy to think that you’re going to be all his

Beel is obviously his best man and while Belphie waits for you to come down the aisle he leans against him to take a small nap. Or that's what he had planned. The moment the music starts he perks up and finds himself unable to even close his eyes, too fixated on the doors about to open.

Feeds you the first bite of cake and then just...doesn't stop

He’s so in love with you all he can do is stare

Gives his slice of cake to Beel he'd much rather pay attention to you than eat

However he does smash a little in your face but it’s out of love <3

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gausses · 2 years

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so i was tagged by @laudnaum and i just woke up from a 2h nap, hoookay let’s go ( •̀ ω •́ )✧

name: Lu

age: 27

height: 1.69m i think?

where do you call home? middle of nowhere in southern lower saxony

any tattoos or piercings? 4 in my ears, little kiwi on my right arm, a skull with a snake on my right upper thigh and a ...sleeve on my left arm. there was very much no concept behind it so its kinda patchworky. love the raven in the middle of it tho. and a bee on my left hand. all bw except the skull

last song you listened to? I was cleaning my flat earlier and i love dancing to upbeat/embarassing pop music during it so it was “I feel good” by Pitbull... but before that i listened to KIZ “Lecken im Puff” (why yes my music taste is garbage)

last movie you watched? aftermath i think it was called? it was boring i turned it off half way.

last book/fanfic you read? currently reading Stephen King’s The Dead Zone

do you collect anything? plants. weird/embroidered pictures.

morning person/night owl? depends on the time of year, currently very much a night owl but as soon as summer hits im gonna be up and at it at 5am. catch me in the gym at 6am running my 5km

optimist/pessimist/realist? eet is what eet is-st ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

a quote you live by? idk, i’ve learnt in the past year that it’s better to be yourself than a well-liked person that you cant stand. also you should always give everything a try, even if it’s just to find out you hate it.

introvert/extrovert/ambivert? ambivert very much

do you believe in the afterlife? i wish i did

a weird or fun fact about yourself? idk i feel like im such an open book? im oversharing most of the time so i will just ramble a bit here abt stuff, enjoy: I have no taste, my mother will tell me that a lot. and other people told me that- i get it, i dress weird sometimes but it makes me happy. i still love patterns with animals on them, no not leo print. i mean; give me actual leopards on the shirt. after 5 years i had to retire my bird rain jacket (picture) but found one with dogs on it (picture). Older women love this jacket, i got some compliments for it. one time i was i was in line for the register in edeka and the lady behind me asked me where i got it bc she has the same dogs that are on there. love it! And I can finally deadlift my own body weight! cant wait to wear spagehtti straps in summer bc my upper body/shoulders look so good. very happy with my fitness journey considering i had to lay low for 4 months and still struggle with my foot on some days. dont shatter your foot bones children. lastly; i started playing the guitar and its so much fun. but i havent had any lessons this year bc of miss rona and currently not the time to look for a new teacher; nor the money to go to an actual music school. so im just playing the same 5 songs over and over. my darkest secret? I started listening to country music to find songs to play/practice and i love it so much in a completly unironic way. Mason Ramsey’s “Before I knew it” SLAPS and i will fight you over it. yee haw!

if you could have coffee with someone, dead or alive, who would it be? im having a really bad crush on someone and im probably going to see them again in a few weeks but it would be nice to see them sooner aaahhhh. also any of my mutuals reading this, idk im not very talkative and always nervous but uh yeah- i have normal coffee, decaf and far too much tea. so uhm mh im tagging??? @davinciae, @sorrel-ly and @anakinskvwalkcr if y’all want to maybe, i thought this was fun but no pressure (○｀ 3′○)

anyway now i have to go back to my rheology exercises ┗( T﹏T )┛

#THANK YOU LUCE :*#yeah this is very long so a read more.... i ramble #also im so mad i just found the bird jacket on ebay #i love my dog jacket but the birds are *chefkiss*#i shouldnt... or should i?... no... i have a rain jacket.... AAAAAHHHH #lu labert

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free-pool-trash · 4 years

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folklore - isaac lahey {2/?}

part two because i just couldn’t wait lmao! this chapter focuses a lot on the reader but there is some cute isaac moments in there too because i wanted there to be more to the story than just reader and isaac’s relationship <33 this part is kinda just setting stuff up tho so dw!

platonic derek x reader in this part :) and isaac ofc

please let me know what u think :)

word count: 4.4k

warnings: swearing, mentions of blood, i think that’s it???? let me know if i misses anything <3

my taglist is still pretty wishy washy for this so i’m gonna tag the people who enjoyed part one, thanks for all the lovely feedback <3

Taglist: @makeusfreefromthisfandom, @cece-lives-here, @chocolate-raspberries, @belsandthings let me know if you’d like to be added or removed <3

PART 1

PART 3

Endless thoughts plagued your mind as you wandered through the crowded halls. It barely registered with you that Derek could be home and not bother to check in, although maybe it was for the best, you were pretty sure that he was still a wanted man- for a crime you were also sure he didn't commit. You knew Derek, despite the fact that you weren't related by blood you saw each other as family, you knew how he treated his family, it was what he treasured above all else and there was absolutely no way in hell that he had burned his whole family tree to ash.

He and his uncle Peter were the only Hale's left as far as you knew, however saying that Peter was "alive" seemed like a bit of a reach. The man who used to tell you stories and sneak you candy whenever he saw you was completely immobilized now, scarred to the point of being almost unrecognizable, he couldn't talk, he could barely move, he was even being fed through a tube.

Peter was a particularly close friend of your father's, he'd always made you refer to him as 'uncle Peter' and the man did the title justice treating you like one of his own. And while you called him Uncle Peter, he- and the rest of the Hale's- always called you something different; "The littlest of the pack" though you never understood why the family had such an obsession with being known as a pack, you were more than delighted to know that they considered you part of it.

When you were old enough you started volunteering at the hospital which held Peter and after six months of hard work, sweeping hallways and helping the overworked nurses they finally bumped you up to keeping patients company. Since you were still in school you were mostly at the hospital at night and on Sunday mornings, the same time as your favourite nurse, Melissa, who always assigned you to Peter when she was manning the same ward as you. To be honest it was rough seeing him in such a state, it was as though everyone you loved seemed to struggle- the thought alone always made you choke up, made you wish you had some kind of power to take it all away, to make everything better. But you didn't, so you simply read to him, told him about what was happening in the news, stories about what was happening at school as Peter was always one for a good scoop of gossip, you even confided in him about the sharp sting you felt in your chest whenever someone you cared about was in pain, himself included. The logical thing would've been to simply stop visiting him but if you did then he'd barely have any human interaction for the rest of his life and ignoring the fact that he couldn't show it, you knew deep down that he could hear you, felt that he appreciated your visits.

Without even realizing where your feet had been carrying you, too lost in thought to notice, you found yourself nearing Isaac's locker, the boy himself hunched by it, his face hidden by the blue metal door. It was easy to forget over the weekend and after hanging out alone how shy Isaac was, he was a completely different person around you, he was loud, granted he still wasn't as loud as you but he certainly knew how to find his voice, he stood straighter as opposed to how the tall boy stood in the school hallways. To you he stood out, in a perfectly beautiful way, you often chastised him for not giving himself enough credit, always asking if he'd ever even looked in a mirror. Even with your endless compliments that made him blush every time without fail, Isaac still chose to blend in, but you didn't blame him- you blamed his asshole of a father for making him believe he was anything less than wonderful.

It was no secret that Isaac was taller than the average teen in Beacon Hills standing at six foot one, which meant he gave incredible hugs but it also meant he tried his very best to fold into himself in larger crowds and he regularly walked with his head down as to not draw attention to himself, even standing at his locker he bowed his head.

Shaking off your thoughts you walked up to your best friends side, tugging his sleeve softly to alert him of your presence before wrapping your arms around him, enveloping him in a side hug and allowing your head to rest against his arm while he wriggled it out of your grasp to wrap around your waist more comfortably, not paying his burning cheeks and racing heart any mind as he shifted his gaze from organizing his books to the girl clinging to him with a pout on her face, "What's up, buttercup?"

Nuzzling your head further into his side you let out a dramatic sigh, "I heard from Scott that Derek is back in Beacon." Isaac felt his eyebrow raising at the mention of both names, Scott's because you seemed to be hearing a lot of things from him in the last couple of days and at Derek's because he was pretty sure you hadn't seen him in years.

"How would McCall know if Derek's in town? Isn't he pretty much your cousin?" Isaac asked, thumb moving soothingly against your hip as you melted into him, shoulders slumping sadly and your pout only becoming more prominent. His voice sounded slightly aggravated at the mention of Scott but you thought nothing of it, thankfully. Isaac didn't want this to turn into a conversation about his petty jealousy.

"Forget cousin he was more like my big brother. That's what's got me so twisted! Why would he come home and not even bother to check in?" You murmured grumpily against the fabric of the flannel Isaac was sporting instead of his usual cardigan, which reminded you that he couldn't have worn his usual cardigan because you'd forgotten to give it back to him the night before and sported it yourself. The comfy grey material hugging your shoulders as you hugged the boy that the item of clothing actually belonged to.

"When did McCall say he saw him?" Isaac inquired, sorting his books with one hand.

"Yesterday."

"Alright well that wasn't too long ago maybe he's planning on checking in today?" He suggested, finishing up at his locker and throwing his bag over his shoulder, dropping his hand from your hip and sliding it into yours, interlocking your fingers and giving you a comforting squeeze before he began leading you towards the school's double doors, the last class of the day having already ended.

Letting out another sigh you only nodded, swinging your interlocked hands between you as you walked towards the exit.

"I promised my dad I'd finish a plot at the cemetery so he'd let me come over tonight so I'm gonna be a little bit late." Isaac broke the silence, looking at you with an expression that was mixed with disappointment and exhaustion, "That's okay." You offered, squeezing his hand as he'd done yours earlier.

"Do you want a ride home?" You asked him, nodding your head toward your beat up, second hand car that the pair of you had already made several memories in since you got it almost a year ago for your sixteenth birthday.

The brown haired boy only shook his head, giving you a soft smile and nodding towards the bike racks, "Nah, I brought my bike today."

Nodding in understanding, you leaned up and pecked his cheek while you let go of his hand, "Alright. Since you're gonna be late I'll pick up the movie for tonight myself. You just meet me at my place whenever you're ready, Kay?"

"Yes, ma'am." Letting out a soft laugh he watched you walk to your car, already missing your warmth beside him.

The first thing you noticed upon pulling into your driveway was the slick black car that was parked beside your mother's blue one, in your usual spot. The car was new and you didn't recognize it, you quirked an eyebrow, putting your car in park behind your mother's, grabbed your school bag from the passenger seat and got out with a slam of the door.

As you entered the house you were met with the sound of voices floating from the kitchen, picking up on the hushed conversation as you made your way towards the three voices, "You need to tell her." One said, a man. "It's too soon." Another sounded, you recognized the voice to belong to your father. "No, he's right, if what he says is true she's going to get caught up in it either way. Especially now the Argent's are in town." That was your mother. Your eyebrows furrowed, you could only assume that the 'she' they were talking about was you but what you didn't understand was what exactly they were debating telling you and why it had anything to do with the Argent's, were they talking about the Allison girl who had just joined your class?

You pushed open the kitchen door, eyebrows knitted tightly together, your brain taking a second to catch up with who your eyes were seeing, "Derek."

The name left your lips in barely a whisper when your eyes landed on the dark haired man leaning against your kitchen counter with a small smile playing on his lips as he greeted you, "Hey, kid."

Without wasting anymore time you launched yourself forward, arms wrapping around Derek's middle as he let out a sigh, his own arms moving around you slowly to reciprocate your action with a tight squeeze.

"I missed you!" You exclaimed punching the older man in the shoulder once you detached from the hug, expression turning accusing after a moment prompting Derek to purse his lips and brace himself, he knew that look, he hadn't seen it in a while but he knew it. That was your "I've got a bone to pick with you" look, Derek had to fight off the smile that threatened to grow on his lips when he realized that this particular look hadn't changed since you were five years old.

"Do you want to tell me why Scott McCall got to see you before I did?" The man under fire let out a defeated sigh, "If it makes you feel any better I would've rathered it be you that I bumped into." He responded halfheartedly, letting out a huff you turned towards your parents who were sat at the dining table.

"What were you guys talking about before I came in?" You questioned, feeling nervous as the three adults suddenly went rigid, glancing between each other before Derek nodded his head in your father's direction, silently encouraging him to tell you what they'd been discussing earlier.

Letting out a heavy exhale through his nose your father motioned for you to sit down in the chairs across from him, Derek moving to sit beside your father in front of you as you did. "This is going to be hard to believe but I need you to keep an open mind while we explain, alright?" You only managed a nod of your head, nerves ever-growing as you waited for someone to elaborate on whatever they were about to tell you.

"You've heard of werewolves haven't you?"

"Sure." You responded confused, the question seemed out of place in what you assumed was to be a serious conversation.

"Well they're real." Your father responded. You couldn't stop the snort that left your mouth, breaking out into a fit of giggles before you noticed the three adults before you looking at you with absolutely no trace of amusement. "Wait you're serious?!" Your eyes almost bugged out of your head as Derek's eyes flashed blue and he bared his teeth in response to your exclamation.

"...So the howling Scott said he heard in the woods?" You trailed off, eyes wide as Derek nodded his head, "it was a werewolf."

"You?"

"No. An alpha."

Eyes never leaving Derek, you posed another question, "Is this why you're family called themselves a pack?"

The man nodded, not being able to get a word in edgewise while you continued to fire out question after question, "You guys always said I was the littlest of the pack does that mean-" Your mother cut you off with a light chuckle, "No babe, you're not a werewolf." A sigh of relief left you when you slumped back against the kitchen chair, a small twinge of disappointment flooding through you, that would've been cool.

"You may not be a wolf genetically but you're still a member of our pack." Derek assured you, sensing your disappointment. "Are they in the pack too?" You inquired, glancing quickly at your parents before returning your gaze to Derek.

"No. Just you." You couldn't lie and say the statement didn't make you feel special but still, it confused you, "Why not?"

It was your mother's turn to speak now, giving the werewolf a break from your constant curiosity.

"Back before the fire your dad and I had a certain role to play in Beacon Hills," she started, reaching for your hand before she continued, "from the minute you were born you bonded with almost everyone in the Hale house, we didn't understand it completely but we assumed it was because of how close me and your dad were to them. I guess they kind of saw you as their newest cub after Cora." Derek chuckled, chiming in with a quiet, "More like runt of the little." Giving him a glare you kicked his shin under the table while he laughed and you nodded for your mother to keep going.

"Anyway, as you already know me and your dad met in college- studying Mythology. We uncovered supernatural occurrence after supernatural occurrence and those supernatural occurrences eventually led us here, to the Hale's." She told you, looking to your father for him to continue, he cleared his throat before speaking, "We got caught up in it, built a huge repertoire of supernatural entities, including werewolves, I met Peter and we made a truce, ended up becoming best friends in the process."

Nodding your head slowly you spoke up again, "So you guys were like… their supernatural encyclopedia?"

"Pretty much." Derek answered.

"Okayyyy… but that still doesn't answer my question, why am I in the pack and not you guys?" You posed the question to your father who looked at your mother nervously.

"When you were four things got messy, really messy," Derek scoffed, rolling his eyes muttering "understatement of the century" under his breath as your father went on, "Your mother got captured by hunters, Chris Argent and his little gang of merry men." He tensed his jaw, saying the name through clenched teeth before composing himself, "So your uncle Peter made the executive decision to initiate you into the pack to make absolutely sure that nobody would get their hands on you."

"Why?" The three of them erupted into laughs at the look on your face, Derek opting to answer the question, "I don't know how you did it but you had him completely wrapped around your finger. Peter is the most selfish person I've ever met but he would've sooner died himself than let anyone touch a hair on your head. As part of a pack members protect each other at all costs. With you officially a member it meant that we were bonded to you, you were one of us." The mention of Peter made you smile, not that you'd admit it to Derek but you felt the newly exposed pack bond strongest with Peter, the dots only connecting in your head now years later. Derek picking up on your train of thought spoke up, "That's why you can't bring yourself to stop visiting him."

Your mother's voice cut in again, "Those four crescent scars on the back of your neck are from Peter, it's how he marked you as a member without actually turning you." She explained, your hand absentmindedly rubbed the nape of your neck, fingers tracing deftly over the scars that you often forgot about.

"I know it's a lot to digest but there's one more thing." Derek sighed, a slight feeling of guilt growing within him for having to dump this on you all at once. When you didn't say anything, only looked at him he continued, "The hunters who kidnapped your mother, well they're back."

Anxiety bubbled up in your stomach as you whipped your head to your mom, "Are they gonna try take her again?" Your voice was bordering on sounding manic, Derek's voice quelling your worried before you had a panic attack.

"No. I don't think so at least. It's me and the alpha they're after, and- I trust you not to tell anyone this- your friend Scott too." Your eyes widened yet again, Scott was a werewolf? That must have been why he was seeking Derek out earlier today, "That's why he was looking for you isn't it?" You voiced your thoughts, Derek rose an eyebrow in response, "Looking for me?" You nodded enthusiastically, "Yeah, today in school, he and Stilinski started asking me a bunch of questions about why you were here- I told them I'd help them find you." You clarified, trying not to laugh at the exhausted look that came over Derek's face when the name Stilinski fell from your lips.

"Tell him to meet me in the woods later. I need him to help find the alpha." Derek instructed, watching contently as you pulled your phone out of your pocket and began texting Scott, thankful you'd gotten his number.

You: I'm with Derek

You: He wanted me to tell you to meet him in the woods later

Scott: When is later?

"When is later?" You voiced, not looking up from your phone, "After dark." Derek answered and you laughed, "Alright, Bruce Wayne."

You: He says "after dark"

Scott: :/ cryptic much

You: Best I could do wolfie

Scott: He told you??????

You: Yep, I'll fill you in tomorrow there's a lot to unpack here…

Scott: Please don't tell anybody

You: Your secret is safe with me don't worry

With that you set your phone down in front of you, before something crossed your mind, "Wait you said Argent earlier right?" Derek nodded, your mother and father having moved from the table, preparing food in the kitchen.

"Allison Argent just started at my school, I'm pretty sure Scott has a crush on her actually." You informed, shrugging your shoulders lightly, picking up your phone when it buzzed and missing the way Derek rolls his eyes.

Isaac: I'll be over at 7 <3

You: Great what movie do you want me to get?

Isaac: Ladies choice ;)

You: Hope you like Legally Blonde xoxoxo

Isaac: Seriously again?

You: You said my choice no take backs, love you <3333333

The time was 5:45pm and the sky had turned from blue to black, you assumed Derek would be heading off to stress Scott out soon enough so you stood from the table and grabbed your jacket, "I'm gonna go rent a DVD for me and Isaac, you guys need anything?" You directed towards your parents who were messing around in the kitchen like teenagers causing you to roll your eyes but smile.

"Huh? No we're okay. When is lover boy coming?" Your father asked, wiggling his eyebrows at you, laughing at how you groaned, "Stop calling my best friend 'loverboy' one of these days you're gonna slip up and call him that to his face and he'll literally die of embarrassment on the spot!" You yelled, cheeks burning and expecting your mother to come to your defense only to have her laugh along with your father, "Yeah, don't talk about your future son in law like that."

"God, you two are the worst. Derek tell them to stop harassing my friendships." The dark haired man rose an eyebrow from his seat, a strict look on his face, "She's too young for a boyfriend."

"Thanks, Derek. That was absolutely not helpful at all, but thank you." You muttered, grabbing your car keys and heading out the door.

You loved your parents, adored them, they raised you incredibly- that didn't mean they didn't annoy the hell out of you sometimes, though. They had about fifty names that they liked to call Isaac instead of his actual name, the most popular being "loverboy", "heart eyes", or your mother's personal favorite "future son in law." You supposed it was good that they liked him enough to consider him a future son in law, however, it was pretty insensitive when they could clearly see that you were painfully in love with him and fighting with inner turmoil because of it.

After a five minute drive you pulled up to the video store, stepping out and noticing Lydia Martin in the car next to you, you made brief eye contact with the strawberry blonde and the pair of you exchanged friendly smiles before you entered the store. Lydia was nice but you noticed she wore a facade around school, more specifically around Jackson. You remembered quite vividly how she shot Isaac down rather brutally back in freshman year. He'd only asked her out to prove a point to you, you couldn't remember what now but you'd gotten in some form of argument and the resolution you'd come to was that he prove himself and ask someone out, that someone happened to be Lydia. He didn't really like her but the whole debacle did significantly bruise his ego.

Of course, wherever Lydia Martin is Jackson Whittemore was never far away. You almost laughed when the first thing you heard after walking into the store was the jock shouting about not being able to find "The Notebook".

"It's over there." You chimed in, alerting him of your presence and pointing straight ahead of him towards the movie he was searching for.

Nodding thankfully the blonde made his way toward the far shelf while you walked to the other side of the store.

Despite being across the room, Jackson's gasp sounded clearly making you nearly jump out of your skin. Placing a hand on your rapidly beating heart you just shook your head and let out a long breath. You were probably just hearing things, your mind concocting noises to psych you out after learning the new information about the supernatural, Jackson's gasp had absolutely nothing to do with the snarls you thought you were hearing from behind you.

You had yourself convinced you were just hearing things. That was until the snarls became mingled with hot, slobbery breaths that hit the nape of your neck, shocking you into spinning yourself around. You couldn't help the yelp of fear that left your lips when your eyes met beaming red orbs… the eyes- they weren't human.

What you were looking at you could only describe as a beast. A wolf. The ability you usually possessed to control your breathing left you as you heaved, continuing to stumble back as the creature took steps forward until your back hit a row of shelves painfully. DVDs crashing to the floor in your wake.

The creature was face to face with you now, snout coming in contact with your nose as it's demonic eyes bored into your soul. It snarled as you felt your heart rate increase, it was going so fast you were half scared it would detach from it's blood vessels. Everything about the creature scared you, from its eyes, to it's snarl, to its fangs baring in your face, but what frightened you the most was that you felt like you knew it. There was a familiarity with it and you could not for the life of you explain it but you could feel it.

The scream that left you when the beast finally lunged for you with snapping jaws shook the store as the wolf sunk its teeth into the soft tissue of where your shoulder connects to your neck. The pain you felt was as blinding as the eyes that stared at you, the beast raised it's hair covered paw in the air, fully intent of swiping the last remnants of life from your now limp form before it suddenly stopped, looking at you with so much uncertainty. Not getting a chance to analyze the new look on the things hairy face the creature resumed its position on all fours then crashed out of the store window.

"(L/n)?!" Jackson whisper shouted, from around the corner, only seeing your legs peeking out from behind a row of shelves as he made his way over to you, his movements jittery. You tried to call out but your voice failed you, you kicked your legs out weakly to let him know where you were, not knowing he was already rushing towards you.

"Christ… ok just stay awake I'm calling the police right now." The blond, who you'd never known to care for anything other than himself, spoke frantically- shaking as he pulled out his phone.

Your hearing faded in and out as Jackson shouted at law enforcement over the phone. Tilting your head to the side, very painfully, you began to panic once you noticed the gaping bite that had been taken out of your neck, you whimpered pathetically at the sight of your entire shoulder, neck and hair drenched in blood, your blood. Your panic seemed to rub off on Jackson as he noticed your breath becoming heavier and heavier by the second, tears falling down your face as you stared at your injury in fear.

It was just then that sirens wailed from outside, this eased Jackson's nerves, the boy, you had to hand it to him, didn't leave your side until you were safely in an ambulance- your nerves however were still fried, panic growing by the second as strangers fretted around you, yelling orders at each other and pushing painfully against your wounds. Calm didn't settle over you until one of the medics injected you with a needle, you didn't have a clue what was in it and you didn't have time to theorize as your world turned black.

#isaac lahey x reader #isaac lahey imagine #teen wolf x reader #isaac lahey

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andshedoesitagain · 4 years

Text

Taking care of you.

Spencer Reid x Reader Words - 2440

@paracosmoses asked - “ Hey, Dylan! I hope you're safe 💚 I absolutely melted while reading "I'll carry you", so I wanted to request a reid imagine (totally fine if you don't feel like it): reader being a bau member who had confessed feelings for reid and he'd rejected them (even tho he felt the same). One night out at a karaoke with the team, reader gets drunk and sings like goodnight n go/imagine/rem (i'm just a sucker for ari but thought i'd be fitting), and they talk.. Idk i'm terrible w plots but i trust you hehe.”

///Thank you so much for this request!! I hope you’re safe too and thank you for the compliment, writing this was a lot of fun and the plot you came up with was great!! So I hope you enjoy it :) ///

Warnings - Alcohol & Vomit

It had been no surprise when you and Spencer had gotten paired up to do a late shift, paperwork that had been piled up for days, mysteriously placed on your desk just as everybody was rushing out the door to get home. It wasn’t like you minded much though, you practically spent every waking moment with your curly haired teammate, having become close when you had first joined the BAU, and the others had obviously taken notice.

Looking up from the last file in front of you, you were met with a gentle smile and a hand stretched out your way, raising a brow you let out a confused chuckle. “Yes?”

“I’m going to walk you home,” Spencer stated, his hand still outstretched. Taking a quick glance to the file, you quickly signed off on it before swivelling your chair to look at the man in front of you. Shaking your head amusedly, you took his hand, letting him pull you to your feet. “You don’t need to walk me home, I know we live close, but I imagine you’re wanting to get home as much as I am.” You said, picking up your jacket and bag, looking at him over your shoulder.

“No, it’s okay, I like knowing you got home safe anyway.” This made you smile, looking back to the ground to avoid him seeing the small flush on your cheeks. “Okay, if you insist,” dramatically you dragged out your words, gazing at the small smile on his face as he pulled on his own jacket.

You had spent most of the walk joking around with him, trying to ignore the fleeting bumping of hands, or how he’d pull you to the side when you were just away to walk through a puddle. Every little thing making you overthink, although you did your best to dismiss the butterflies in your stomach, although they only continued to build as you contemplated the confession on your mind.

It wasn’t until you finally reached your front door, did you feel your chest begin to ache. “We’re here, and your safe, so I think I’ve done my duties,” Spencer joked, your own little chuckle slipping out.

Taking a deep breath, you felt a surge of confidence. “I uh, I have something to tell you.” The words came out quick, rolling out your mouth before you really had a moment to think about them. Spencer nodded, taking his hands out of his pockets. “I don’t want this to change anything about us, I just need to tell you, to just get it off my chest, okay?”

Reid nodded, his expression soft except the slight furrow of his brow. You took another deep breath. “I have feelings for you.” As soon as the words came out, you wanted to swallow them back up, even more so when Spencer looked to the ground, avoiding your eyes completely as he tried to slink away. For the first time you felt like you couldn’t read him, and it almost hurt.

“I-I’m sorry.” The words hit you like a truck, a type of blind confusion you weren’t used to smacked across your face. Spencer still hadn’t look back at you, “I can’t, it’s just not—” As he stuttered his way through his words, you cut him off, nausea and embarrassment both taking over your body.

“It’s fine, never mind,” you weakly laughed, “just pretend I never said anything, I’m tired, that’s all, not thinking straight.” He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Taking that as your queue you turned around to open your front door, the shaking in your hands causing you to fumble with your keys, “shit,” you mumbled in frustration.

As you got the front door open, you turned to Spencer who stood still in the same place, a look of guilt painting his face, “goodnight, Spence,” voice cracking you smiled at him before closing the door.

The next few days were difficult, a new type of stiffness now surrounding the both of you, and you had taken every chance you could to avoid being alone with him, in truth you felt guilty, having drove the wedge between the both of you in the first place. Despite the tension, Spencer still sent you soft smiles from across his desk, and you still found a cup of coffee placed on your own desk every morning, the same little smiley face drawn on as he usually did, but things still felt different.

Your other teammates had also felt the subtle shift of atmosphere, them all send quizzing looks your way, JJ even pulling you to the bathroom at one point to talk. Awkwardly you stumbled through what happened, although instead of the look of awkward sympathy you had been expecting to get, she instead held one of confusion, biting her lip as pushed her hair behind her ear, muttering a quiet, “well that doesn’t make sense.” Though she quickly brushed it off when you brought it up.

“Let’s go to a karaoke night,” Penelope randomly proposed that night, your team all pursing their lips sceptically, “aww, come on, it’ll be fun, and it’ll be a nice change of scenery from our usual bar!” Looking at you almost pleadingly, you titled your head slightly back at her before sighing.

“Sure, I’m up for it.” Sitting back in your chair, you smiled at Penelope who clapped her hands excitedly, glancing over you caught a pair of brown eyes, Spencer gingerly staring at you before looking over to Penelope.

“I’ll come too,” Spencer said trying to play it off nonchalantly as he was met with the others looks of confusion. Soon enough the others agreed, and you found yourself driving towards the quaint but flashy karaoke place.

Everybody had ordered drinks as soon as they got in, and you hadn’t held back, practically throwing them down as you sat with the others, causing Derek to pat you on the shoulder, “woah slow down there, kid.” The others also took notice of your quickly emptying glasses, Reid looking at them like he was counting them before shooting a slightly worried glance your way.

One by one your team went up and sung on the karaoke machine, everybody clapping along with whatever song even if it was slightly out of time and messy. Resting your face in your hand, you smiled happily and slightly drunkenly at Penelope while she sung up on the stage, hollering as your vision danced and blurred.

When she came down, she accepted a round of high fives from everybody at the table, before JJ spoke, “C’mon Y/N it’s your turn now!” They all clapped and gently nudged up to the stage as you staggered slightly, laughing as you clambered on to the stage.

Absentmindedly you scrolled through the little screen containing the songs until you found one you knew, “I love this one!” You exhaled grinning over at your teammates who were all still shouting their words of encouragement.

The music kicked in through the speakers and you found yourself swaying to the music, every few moments squinting to look at the screen through fuzzy eyes. “Tell me why you gotta’ look at me that way, you know what it does to me,” you sung into the mic, your gaze searching for a familiar head of curls, locking eyes as you continued. “I got you, I got you dreamin’, close your eyes and your screaming.” Staggering through the words, you still swayed not looking away from Spencer, whose cheeks were almost as red as yours.

Cheering still rung throughout the room, “Oh why’d you have to be so cute, it’s impossible to ignore you, ah,” all shyness was abandoned due to your stomach full of alcohol, “why must you make me laugh so much, it’s bad enough we get along so well, just say goodnight and go, oh, oh, oh.” Spencer hadn’t taken his eyes off you, shifting in his seat as worry slowly furrowed into his brow, stressfully watching as you continued to stagger and sway.

It wasn’t until you felt a burning in your throat did you pause, stomach churning as you rushed off the stage. You had practically thrown yourself into the bathroom, retching over the toilet for a couple of minutes, before sliding down the wall, dizzy and your body aching all over.

Catching a glimpse of your self in the mirror, you saw how red and patchy your face as well as how swollen your lips had become. The bitter taste of alcohol and vomit coated your mouth, as you just rested your head against the wall, your eyes fluttering close tiredly.

A gentle knock from the door, alerted you, “it’s occupied right now,” you croaked out, your throat still scratchy and sore. Despite your words, the handle slowly went down, and Spencer poked his head around it, eyes widening as he looked at the state you were in.

“Y/N! Are you alright?” Kneeling beside you, he placed his hands on either side of your face, feebly you rolled your eyes open.

“Hey Spence, not really,” you slurred, “I’m really drunk and really sorry,” as nonchalantly as you spoke, your face still scrunched up in his hands, reaching up to pull on his sleeve you spoke again, “like really sorry that I ruined everything, and I’m really sorry I’m in love with you, it’s okay you don’t love me back, really it is.” Eyes beginning to water, Spencer’s own eyes widened once again.

“Hey, hey it’s ok,” pushing your hair behind your ear with his finger, his tone was soothing and careful as he spoke again. “Let’s get you home, okay?” Although his words weren’t really registering as you just wanted to fall asleep right there and then, you nodded letting your hand fall to the ground as you let go of his sleeve.

Practically lifting you to your feet, you put your head on his shoulder, closing your eyes once again, as you both walked out of the bathroom. Placing you on a chair, you heard mumbles coming from him and your other co-workers just being able to make out, “…taking her home…” the rest all sounding garbled in your head. Your jacket being placed over your shoulders, you felt hands calmly pushing your arms into the sleeves before moving away. You could also just make out Penelope’s voice near one ear, as well as feeling a small kiss being placed on top of your head, and even with your eyes closed you pulled a tired smile.

Before you knew it, you were on your couch, the moments from the karaoke place to your house missing from your memories. Opening your eyes once again you smiled at Spencer who was knelt in front of you his voice fading in, “…Y/N hey, here’s a glass of water, take a few sips for me,” his voice was patient and soft as you took a drink, the water cool against your hot throat. “Awesome,” he said as you placed the glass down.

Blinking a few times, you surveyed your living room, “How’d I get here?” You asked, looking back to him.

“I drove you, but you have to get some sleep now, can you get your jacket off while I go and find a bowl?” You nodded in reply pushing the jacket from your shoulders and dumping it on the ground. Hearing some clambering, Spencer emerged back bowl in hand, he placed it down by the couch, hoping you’d take initiative if you were going to be sick again. “Okay, lie down on your side, slowly,” he directed, his tone still patient as you shuffled around and lied down, Spencer adjusting the pillow under your head.

“Are you gonna stay?” You mumbled, struggling to keep your eyes open. “Of course,” you heard just as you slowly slipped to sleep.

As soon as the sun hit your eyes, you groaned, your head pounding violently as you pushed yourself up onto your elbow. Looking down your eyes squinted at the blanket tucked around you, even more when you looked down to the shoes still on your feet. However, you couldn’t help your expression of shock when you looked over to the other couch in your room, Spencer splayed out across it, yet facing you, fast asleep.

He also still had his shoes on, his jacket placed neatly over the back of the couch. Swinging your legs over the couch, as silently as possible you pulled off your shoes, before tiptoeing over to where he was. Sitting next to him you softly poked his shoulder, “Spencer,” he continued to sleep, “Spence, wake up.”

Finally, his brown eyes fluttered open, slightly bloodshot, purple bags standing out under his eyes. Sitting up, he rubbed at his eyes, smiling warm-heartedly at you, “hey,” he whispered.

You couldn’t help but smile back, “good morning.”

“Are you feeling better?” He ran a hand through his hair, eyes narrowed as he looked you up and down.

“My head feels like it’s on fire,” you laughed timidly, pushing your own hair behind your ear, memories of last night slowly pouring in. Gasping you put your head in your hands. “Oh my god,” your eyes darted back up to him, cheeks red, “I am so sorry about last night, I don’t know what I was thinking, just forget anything I said…or did, oh god.” You placed your face back into your hands, too embarrassed to look at him.

This time he took one of your hands away from your face, “no, I’m sorry.” Looking to the ground in thought, “when you told me about how you felt, I didn’t know how to respond, or how to feel,” slowly he rubbed small circles into your hand, as you listened intently, “I never expected you to feel the same, so I tried to push away how I felt about you.” Gradually, your eyes widened, your mouth dry.

“You feel the same way?” The words came out slowly, like you were still processing them while you spoke.

Spencer mumbled, “yeah, and I should’ve told you that night, I don’t even know why I didn’t, it was just all so shocking, and then it felt like you were avoiding me, and then I thought it was too late,” he rambled, your expression softening. Without thought you threw yourself into him, wrapping your arms him in an embrace, “I would totally kiss you right now, but even I don’t wanna taste my own mouth right now.” Laughing, he held you tight, pulling back to push your hair behind your ears with both of his hands, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“This’ll do for now.” He mumbled, matching your grin and soft eyes.

#criminal minds #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds imagine #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x y/n

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reversecreek · 3 years

Note

lily for magda (thinking about figs feeling evil), tulip for cricket, marigold for ziggy, chrysanthemum for bradley, belladonna for nyla

lily : how does your muse view their mother ?

magda doesn’t know a lot abt her mum. she knows vague snippets n details bt they’re all very elusive. it’s kind of a tricky subject where her mum’s concerned bc when she was younger she’d come up w all these assumptions abt how her mum was n who she’d be if she were with her but the rational part of magda was like..... u don’t know any of this. ur literally making things up. it’s kind of hard for a kid to have that vital person missing from their life n to resist the urge to fill in the blanks with their own projections so the space feels less empty. it’s like having a tooth missing n ur tongue always going back to poke at the spot in ur gum. there’s a constant reminder of loss in that. magda knows her mum liked to sing bc her dad said once she’d always sing to her belly when she was pregnant. this is a lot of the reason why magda has always cared so much abt music bc she took this fact in her fist n grasped it tight n never let go n in a way grew parts of herself around it. it’s like............. i feel like her mum dying in childbirth gave her lots of issues when it comes to her identity n like. who she is n who she wants to be.......... bc of magda’s issues w her dad i feel like she got into this habit growing up of rly putting who her mum could have been on a pedestal n basing everything around that.... she’d be like I’m More Like Her (a belief which was only accelerated bc her dad would drunkenly say she looked so much like her) n cling onto that so she liked herself more bc the other option was her dad who she loves but he’s also an incredibly flawed person n they hv a complicated relationship...... i think as she’s gotten older she’s realised her mum cld very well have been that way too n putting people on pedestals isn’t the way to go about things but. idk. as a kid she was kind of obsessed w this idea of her n this idea that her mum being gone was the beginning n end of everything wrong in her life. for the most part now magda accepts she never knew her n sometimes even feels stupid for grieving her at all bc she never knew her to grieve in the first place but. there’s a tiny part of magda tht still hangs on to the comfort of what she could have had n it’s obvious by the fact she still keeps a photograph of her folded up in her pillow. she loves the mum she made up in her head n she wishes she got to meet her. there’s this sense tht maybe then she wouldn’t feel like this culmination of missing parts more than a person if she’d had that in her life. sighs n lks away holding my dyed black emo bang.....

tulip : how does your muse view people in general ?

cricket is like. the strangest little anomaly of a person FGHKSFGHSFKGH bc like. u would rly think that after everything he’s been thru he would just have this absolutely jaded view of people and life in general and i wouldn’t even......... blame him for it if he did like. i’d understand completely bc he’s experienced A Lot of bad stuff. n yet somehow he just.... idk. i think i wrote in a reply once this comparison of cricket n a cockroach in the sense that they have this incredibly reinforced exoskeleton n even if they’re stomped flat they can keep living n bounce back from it n that’s very him but it’s more specifically the hope inside him. he has this little candle lit that good things can still happen midst all of the terrible things n i genuinely can’t see it snuffing out at any point even tho sometimes he might want it to. sometimes i think he even gets into these frames of mind where it jst infuriates the fk out of him bc in his head he’s like why do u even think good shit can happen when u have sm overwhelming evidence to the contrary but then he’s also like. look u can dwell on the bad or u can notice the way the light falls thru the leaves in the trees and u can think to urself inside ur head as u listen to someone u love talking abt something that makes them happy ‘hey this feeling is nice n there’s a dozen others like it’. idk. against all odds he’s an optimist. he has tinnitus in his left ear n sometimes he pretends the ringing is angels trying to talk to him. he likes to search for the silver linings in things to make them bearable n that’s how he gets by. obviously he knows there’s evil in the world n that a lot of people can be shit bc he has firsthand experience w that but he also believes there are people to serve as the antithesis to that n he wants to focus on them bc like. why give bad stuff the time of day. not necessarily always a positive coping mechanism (if u bottle up bad feelings n thoughts they leak thru one way or another aka his overwhelming anxiety) but like.... i think there’s a lot of bravery in that n i respect him for it i won’t lie. he cld have become very bitter bt instead he’s like that quote that’s like 'the gentleness that comes, not from the absence of violence, but despite the abundance of it'. suddenly slaps his little anxious rump (supportive) (affectionate)

marigold : is your muse prone to jealousy ? how might they handle envious feelings ?

it’s hard to say w ziggy............... i feel like he doesn’t want to think he’s prone to jealousy bc he’s like i’m literally a god wdym i simply wld never give a fk bc i know i’m above all else................. but like. do u actually believe that ziggy. do u. FKGJHKSJGHFGSHFGKSHGKFHG. he’s good at convincing himself at least........... has me fooled too most of the time. bt. thinks abt this.............. i feel like he doesn’t tend to get jealous over ppl he hooks up w a lot of the time bt there’s definitely a few select ppl he might.......... n then he doesn’t rly know what that feeling is bc he’s so unused to feeling it so he’s like wtf why am i so fking pissed off over the thought of this person fking that person? like literally doesn’t even. connect the dots n make the logical conclusion bc it jst seems so bizarre n nonsensical to him. rly is awful at working out his own feelings like. he cld just suddenly explode one day n have to smash a bunch of shit in a junkyard n after his chest is heaving n he has all this broken stuff around him n he’s just like yo wtf was that man forreal lmfaoooooooooo..... like he just doesn’t even get how his own emotions work it’s tragic n it’s men for u. w anxious feelings he represses them a lot he doesn’t rly understand what they r or know how to recognise them........... i honestly feel like he has a lot of anxiety surrounding his mum esp w her dating n like some of the guys they’ve both had to deal w that she’s dated in the past.......... i doubt he processes that healthily or expresses it healthily either..... probably contributes to the tensions between him n his mum they hv a lot of underlying issues that come out in the form of bickering n petty disagreements...... probably a huge contributor to him acting out so terribly in high skl was just all this pent up worried energy with no means of making sense of itself or like. place to go. like shaking a coke bottle over n over n finally having to crack the lid n let it fizz on something. i also think he probably swallowed a lot of jealousy growing up whenever other kids had gd relationships w their fathers or parents in general probably ws kind of like lmfaooooo yo why don’t mine love me like that. in his head...... so ya. i think he copes w anxious feelings by acting out n also fucking if we’re being honest......... it helps him let off steam <3 king of clapping cheeks ig....

chrysanthemum : how does your muse express romantic love ? how do they feel about love as a concept ?

bradley is kind of hard to read romantically like from an outside perspective but slides on my thin rimmed spectacles n picks up my scalpel to delve right in to the nitty gritty of her brain... omg... that sounded... kind of scary actually but. it’s ok. basically settles in. bradley struggles to verbalise her feelings in this regard but also in a general sense honestly.... like she’s spent a lifetime having any vulnerable or negative feeling shut down....... her dad’s the type of personality where it’s like... u can’t win. even tho he’s narcissistic n thinks he’s a god if u compliment him or express affection he’ll act pleased but there’ll also be this register in his eyes where he thinks less of u for it. so this rly had a domino effect in bradley’s emotional expression in all grounds of life...... romance is probably the most frivolous concept to tony so bradley definitely internalised some of these views n wld feel stupid for ever taking anything seriously in that regard or rly investing herself..... she also just. idk. love has only ever left bite marks in bradley’s world so she’d kind of like ‘why wld i ever expose my tender spots n open myself up to someone just so they can sink their teeth in’. i will say tho that like. despite that she can in rare instances develop those feelings n it’s always like..... quite a struggle for her when she does. she doesn’t rly understand it or how to deal w it. she finds talking about it hard n she feels childish or weak in the eyes of whoever knows how she’s feeling. it takes a long time n a lot of work to earn it bt bradley in love is like. ur the only person on the planet who knows how gentle she can b. she’d literally like. touch the face of this one guy i wrote her being in love w when he was sad so gently it was shocking it ws like a love tht deep unlocked a whole other part of her she didn’t know existed. sex is a big part of her love expression jst like. a lot of it. so much. JHGSFKHGSFGKHFKGSHG let’s get it.......... she’s a ride or die n doesn’t do anything in halves. she has a nasty habit of pushing good things away n also wld probably do this to protect the other person bc her world is a never ending shit show with her father’s presence in every room even when he isn’t physically there. she wldn’t wna subject someone she loved to the danger of that bc she hates it enough herself so. idk. smiles w hand on hip. love isn’t something bradley thinks is on the menu fr her bc she’s only ever known it to be hard or mean n why bother trying when that’s the case. it feels like there’s always small print attached tht will hurt her in the end n nothing is free or genuine. very doomed outlook on love in general tbh.

belladonna : how does your muse respond to silence ? do they take comfort in soundlessness , or seek to fill the void with noise ?

nyla honestly doesn’t mind silence at all........ they always wake up rly early in the morning no matter what time they went to bed. it’s like someone programmed an oven timer into their brain n often when they wake up at 6am or something they’ll go on walks around irving tottering in their own little world which is quite a quiet experience in itself when the rest of the world’s asleep........... always off on impromptu adventures they came up w on the spot.......... sometimes they get lost in their own train of thought too so they just randomly fall silent bc they’re having a whole conversation w themselves inside their head or like. writing a whole children’s story abt an iguana in a trench coat floating in a hot air balloon smoking a little vintage pipe all the way to peru. honestly for every 1 thing nyla says there’s about 4987295749572592745 things they don’t say tht are x100 times stranger n more nonsensical they sort of let it all drift thru their head like an open sieve for the most part. having said tht i think in order to sleep at night they probably need some sort of white noise or smthn................. it’s handy living in a beach house bc they just leave the window open to let the ocean gush bt sometimes if they’ve snuck into like. mido’s bed fr the night or someone’s bed idk the sound of them breathing works too................. they used to always sleep w bob ross playing on loop n that was rly comforting to them esp bc he reminds them a lot of their dad w his calming voice n energy.............. sometimes they’d have taken smthn n they’d literally hallucinate it as their dad instead of bob ross n this happened so many times in a row fr a period of time tht when they finally watched it sober they were like wtf since when did they recast my dad in this show...... KJHFGSHFGKSHFKGH but also. frowns... bit sad considering.

#magda | memes #cricket | memes #ziggy | memes #bradley | memes #nyla | memes #death tw #grief tw #anxiety tw #fortyfivcs #drugs tw #abuse tw #i think thts all tws theyre like not covered in detail obviously bt still #i put under read more bc i wrote literal essays fr everything idk what happened to me....#also thank u fr the ask sexy :yum:

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yourcutestnightmare · 4 years

Text

Cam

Hello, this is my first smut so please tell me some constructive criticisms :)

Warnings- smut, Daichi peepee, spanking, asphyxiation, daddy kink, plot twists

You scratch the wood chips off from the side of your desk as Mr.Takeda continues to ramble on about your homework.

School has been a spiral of stress for a while now and you're just waiting for your big break, aka going home to your online job. Things at home have felt like a big, for a lack of better words, “release” ever since you started this job. Things just don't seem to be getting better in your classes and it really put a toll on you as a person and how you've been acting. You feel lost in a spiral of emotions knowing that you could be doing more-

“(Y/N).” Mr,Takeda called for your attention with a look of slight annoyance across his features.

“Repeat everything I just told the class, please.”

Your ears turn red in embarrassment and you start mumbling something under your breath. A couple seconds of awkward silence pass and you know you're fucked.

“See me after class.” He says with a stern look before turning back to the rest of the class and finishing his long and quite frankly boring speech.

The class is dismissed and you stay behind, head in your hands, feet fidgeting in terror. Now you were always the least likely to get in trouble in that class. It just wasn't for you. The people that usually get in trouble are two girls and a group of three guys from volleyball.

Mr.Takeda talked to you about your focus in class to which you made a terrible excuse to, that he somehow bought. He dismissed you and you ran out the classroom and to the parking lot to look for your friend Kenma. His spot was empty so you got the hint that you took too long and started walking home until a car pulled up at your side. You started to walk faster and braced yourself to start running before the tinted window rolled down to show a boy from Mr.Takeda's class. His name is Daichi, you have only talked to him a couple times before but he was pretty nice for someone that looks kind of intimidating. You were merely acquaintances.

“Hey! I saw Kenma leave and I figured I'd give you a ride since you've had a hard day.” He holds his breath before saying more.

“I uh- I saw what happened in Mr.Takeda’s class so this passengers seat is all yours if you want to dodge this rain.”

You put your palm out and feel droplets of rain hit your skin so you nod at Daichi and he pushes the sleek black door open for you. You get in his car with little to no second thought and lay your bag at your feet.

“Thank you for the ride…” You say quietly as you put your hands down at your lap.

“It's no problem.” he says with one hand up to contest your statement. He moves into another lane with one hand as you sit in the passenger's seat quietly. The light turned red and he rested his large hand on the clutch and his quiet whistles filled the car as he tapped to the beat of the radio on the steering wheel. He turned to you and cut the awkwardness with a question.

“So uhh, where do you live?” He asked almost unfazed by your nervousness combating his intimidating stature.

“Right up here…” You replied before he drove into your street and turned at your every command until you got to your destination.

You got out of his car and walked to your front door sticking your key in and turning to see him wave goodbye with a genuine smile. “What a nice guy.“ You said dropping your bag to the floor and slipping your shoes off at the front door before skipping over to your room and opening your laptop. Loud male moans were heard as you rushed to close the tab to your favorite porn website. “You are so lucky I’m home alone right now.” You threaten at your laptop with a giggle.

Getting ready for work was always a long but fun process. These people would pay for you to wear anything at this point. You start changing into the first nude order of the night and take some half naked photos before finishing the rest. By the time you're done it's already about 12. You took a break and watched a show before getting a dm.

Sawachi1: Hello, I was wondering if you do private shows?

You scoffed and typed no before sending it and exiting out of the tab. You went back to your break before getting another dm 2 minutes later. You rolled your eyes and opened it to see a rather intimidating proposition.

Sawachi1: Look sweetheart, I'll pay any amount you want as long as it's not some crazy sum of money.

Your mouth watered at the thought of money with the pleasure of not having to show your face and getting off to someone so desperate to see your naked body. You hesitated before sending back a reply.

Username: Fine. Pay me now tho.

Sawachi1: That's not a problem, babygirl. How much do you want?

You felt butterflies in your stomach at the pet name as you replied the hefty number of 500 for half an hour. Within 3 minutes your bank account was 500 dollars fuller and your heart was pounding. You got ready for the private masturbation show and called your customer. He answered and was shown on screen in baggy athletic shorts and a large white shirt. You wondered what he looked like considering that the camera cut off at his pecs. The stranger got your heart pounding and he hasn't even spoken yet. You said hello and started complimenting him to get him bashful and easier to serve. He rubbed at his shoulder as he blushed while you found different things to compliment him on. You started turning the compliments sexual to which he clearly enjoyed.

“Look at you and your beautiful body, baby. I wonder how it would look on top of me~” You flirted. “Don't get shy now~” You whined with a giggle. “What do you want to be called?” You asked to which he replied, “Daddy..if that doesn't bother you.” His voice sounded oddly familiar but you continued on with the show. “Anything you want, daddy~” you flirted. “Attagirl~” he growled out slowly while starting to palm at his cock through his shorts. You started to strip for him and execute every command he gave you. It was thrilling being controlled by this attractive stranger. Being called pet names when he liked something you would do. He told you things you could only imagine in your wet dreams and would threaten to punish you if you even dared to touch yourself.

He watched as you suffered and he continued to grow in his shorts to almost no limit. He took his shirt off and you saw his abs, making your mouth water just thinking about the bigger picture.

“Sit up, babygirl.” He commanded. “Get on your knees and beg to see this cock and i'll think about giving it to you.”

You were wetter than ever before. Whos private show was this anymore? You sat on your knees and begged to see his cock. He laughed feeling a sense of power over you and told you how he would love to pound into your naked body as your pussy made noises you could never imagine. You rubbed your thighs together desperate for friction. He didn't like that one bit.

“Do you want to get spanked or what.” He said in a frustrated tone. “You have no idea how bad i want to fuck you senseless right now, princess. Wait until we meet up one day because you can't take this cock out of your mind, sweetheart~”

He pulled the waistband of his shorts over his member. His cock sprang up to his stomach and your jaw dropped open. That had to be 8 or 9 inches. He was able to talk it up and not disappoint and that was a big turn on. He started moving his large hand up and down his thick shaft before commanding you once more.

“You can touch yourself now, princess.” He allowed.

He got comfortable and moaned lightly at the feeling of precum oozing out of his swollen head. You leaned back to get in frame before accidentally kicking your webcam and showing your face. His movements stopped as he got a better look at you which entailed showing his face as well.

“(Y/N)?” He questioned in shock. “Wha- why? Why you? How does this even happen?!” He panicked and tucked his member back in his shorts. Your mouth hung open in shock and you hung up. “It’s two in the fucking morning and i just saw Daichi’s dick...on accident!” You registered still in shock. You tried to just go to sleep to no avail. How was school going to be tomorrow? What would you do? You obviously can't skip because you're already failing.

The next day came and you got ready for school, shaken up about the whole situation. The day went by pretty fast and before you knew it you were in Mr.Takeda’s class. You shook your leg with anxiety as you felt Daichi burning holes in the back of your head. He was oddly quiet today. Daichi was never someone to get into drama or relationship rumors and now that you know his night time habits, you have an idea as to why. You giggled at the thought and of course your teacher heard it.

“(Y/N), stay after class.”

Not again. You can't go through the same lecture for being out of it when there was so much on your mind. Maybe Daichi was right. His dick was very memorable indeed. The class was dismissed and you stayed in your seat. Daichi took his time leaving the class kind of sad that you didn't even look at him today considering how intimate you two were the night before but he knew it was for the best. The usual happened with Mr.Takeda and you rushed out of the class to Kenma’s parking spot to see it empty. Today was the worst day for that fucker to ditch you so he could go hang out with Kuroo. You started rushing down the sidewalk home hoping not to see Daichi. A car pulled up at your side and to no one's surprise it was Daichi the web horndog himself.

“(Y/N)! Get in the car please.” He begged.

You kept walking before he said something that pulled at your heartstrings.

“Come on, babygirl. You know I care about how you feel.” He admitted.

You stopped walking and turned towards his car heart racing.

“Please, let's talk about this. It doesn't have to be awkward.” He sighed.

You opened the car door and got in, in silence which lasted until he got to your house and parked in your driveway. You had no idea where to start.

“So...how was your day?” Daichi asks, trying to lighten the mood.

“Daichi.” You say seriously, scaring him a little.

“I'm sorry okay, i just don't want things to be awkward between us.” Daichi states.

“Why are you apologizing, I'm the one who accepted the offer anyway.” You counter.

“Well umm...can i have my money back?”

“Are you serious right now Daichi.”

“What! We never finished!” He protested.

“It's not about the money Daichi! You can have it back but what do i do?! I saw your dick!”

Daichi held back a laugh and decided to make a snarky comment.

“It's big isn't it…” He teased, trying not to laugh.

“I’m so fucking done.” You opened the car door and got out, Daichi following close behind.

“Come on (Y/N), it was a joke. I'm sorry for not taking this seriously.” He said as you unlocked your front door while he pleaded.You walked in and tried to close the door on Daichi but he stuck his foot in the open space. He looked at you with apologetic eyes and you decided to let him in. Daichi walked in your house and looked around as you rambled on about how crazy the situation was and how you were going to leave the country.

“Dude, shut the fuck up.” Daichi encouraged.

“Don’t fucking talk to me like that!” You yelled stressfully. Suddenly everything went silent and Daichi was in front of your face. He wrapped a finger on the bottom of your chin and angled your head up so you were looking at him before dipping down to your ear.

“What are you going to do if i don't...babygirl~ “ He hissed.

That name did things to you that couldn't be explained. Your pupils dilated and your eyes got glossy. Daichi sat back on the couch and you straddled his lap. The noise of heavy breathing and a sloppy makeout session filled the room as you and Daichi unleashed everything pent up from the night before.

“Follow- me-” You panted, getting up and leading Daichi to your room by hand.

Once you got there he pushed you back onto the bed and took his shirt off, throwing it to the side. Daichi watched you pull your shirt over your head and started to unbuckle his belt. “Turn around, princess.” Daichi started to unhook your bra with his mouth and feel on your breasts from behind. “Are you ready, babygirl?” You moaned lightly and he wrapped his belt around your neck and pulled, making you jerk back into his chest with a loud gulp. “Does this feel good baby?” He asked while twisting his wrist and wrapping the excess belt into his hand so you could barely breathe. Daichi pushed your face into the mattress and roughly tore your pants down your legs before planting open mouthed kisses to your thighs. You moaned lightly and he smacked your ass leaving a handprint. Daichi hooked his fingers on your panties and practically ripped them off of your submissive and conforming figure. You stay in this position while Daichi studies your every shake and moan.

He found it ethereal how you couldn't handle him and he was only sitting back watching your body react to his presence. “Look at you~! I'm not even touching you and you can barely handle it sweetheart.” He groaned while pulling you to sit up by the belt's force around your red and sensitive neck. He licked a stripe from your exposed neck up to your jawline then turned you around so you were staring up at him while he palmed himself through his boxers, the thing you've been thinking about ever since the incident. Without noticing you licked your lips at the sight making Daichi let out a cocky laugh.

“Can't wait can you? Youre so fucking impatient babygirl.” He growled. “We have to do something to fix that bad habit of yours~” Before you could register what that entailed, Daichi pushed you into place on your knees in front of him and tapped the bottom of your jaw signaling for you to open your quite sopping mouth. “You're so beautiful, baby.” He let out with a guttural groan. He stuck his middle and index finger in your mouth and you began to suck on the digits much to his delight. You coated his fingers with saliva before he pulled his fingers out and pulled his cock out of his pants. Your face had needy written all over it as he pumped up and down his cock with one hand while he caressed your face with the other.

“Beg for it.” He commanded to which you obeyed with no question.

“Please Daichi~” you begged. He roughly grabbed a fistfull of your hair and pulled your head back so you were staring up at him.

“Who the fuck is Daichi.”

That question made you wetter than ever before knowing what he wanted you to call him.

“Daddy, please let me suck your cock!” You cried out with glossy eyes.

“Atta girl~”

Daichi finally gave you something to work with when he fully thrusted into your mouth, making you gag. You began bobbing your head before he pushed his cock into the hilt hitting the back of your throat making you gag. He pulled your head back and you two watched a string of saliva ,from the tip of his cock connected to your bottom lip, break. You whined at the action then Daichi gave you a cocky smirk. “Uh uh uh~ patience baby. This is a lesson after all.” He said with that smile you loved so much and a wag of his index finger. “Get up.” shuffling filled the room as you complied. “Turn around.” You continued to do as he said making him want to slam into you right then and there if it wasn't for the moral of the lesson he was teaching you about a second ago. He rubbed the tip of his thick cock through your soaked folds with a hiss, making you moan quietly. He struck your ass with a heavy hand making you groan in painful pleasure before sliding his cock into the thing he had craved so desperately.

He was slow and thorough at first making sure to feel every ridge of your heat. You two shared a plethora of moans and groans at the stretching of your walls that both of you so desperately yearned for. Getting ready to pound into you, Daichi pulled out with his cock standing at attention before he grabbed the belt at your neck. He got back in place and started to thrust as fast as he could, leaving you a moaning mess. You had your face buried in a pillow to quiet your moaning cries when he pulled at the belt making you arch your back. He laboriously worked at your aching pussy, making sure to fill you up completely. The belt got shorter and shorter forcing you to sit upright and ride his member while he spoke obscenities into your ear.

“Look at you, babygirl. You've had this cock on your mind for awhile now~.” He teased as you moaned breathlessly, still riding said cock. The pulling of the belt brought your body slapping into his at a fast pace when you began to come undone a little too early. You couldn't take it anymore and soon your slick covered his throbbing cock. He gave a hearty laugh now knowing what he could do to you as he flipped you on your back and wrapped the belt around his palm. Your eyes started watering due to the overload of pleasure before they trailed down the sides of your face urging Daichi to smirk in satisfaction. He continued to pound into you in this desirable position, making you reach a point of no return as your eyes rolled back and your mouth lay agape. Within a few more thrusts you came undone once more and he violently came inside you filling your aching pussy completely.

“Youre so fucking hot, babygirl~” He hissed as he pulled out slowly, watching cum drip out of your stretched center.

“I'm glad i found out it was you after all. I got all this in return~” He hummed while brushing strands of hair from your face. “You're gorgeous, you know that.” He mumbled laying on top of you while you tried to catch your breath, heart racing from the compliment just as much as the sex, you kissed Daichi on the lips with more emotion than you started out with. Did someone catch feelings? The most likely answer to that question was Daichi-

“Daichi~, Daichi are you okay?” Sugawara asked snapping him out of his daydream making Asahi giggle.

“Yeah I’m fine…” He replied, a hint of lost feelings in his voice.

“So uhhh, what were you thinking about?” Asked Asahi with a slight laugh, pointing at the tent in Daichi’s school uniform pants.

Daichi was red with embarrassment when Mr.Takeda stated something, getting the whole class's attention.

“(Y/N), stay after class.”

Well at least Daichi knew how this day was going to play out.

hehe thanks for reading :) ❤

#sawamura daichi #daichi sawamura x reader #daichi smut #haikyuu #haikyuu smut #daichi x reader

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caughtinkorea · 5 years

Text

It Is What It Is

I’m almost home. I haven’t bought my ticket just yet, but believe me, I'm almost there. This last minute thing is the Naija in me lol.

I have been a whole lot happier lately. I’m more at peace with myself. I’ve been traveling a lot lately. Most recently I stopped by Okinawa for a few days. I wanted to try a different place in Japan I’d never been to and decided on a whim to go to Okinawa instead of Osaka. It’s beautiful btw. Humid... and expensive... but beautiful nonetheless.

I’ve had time to spread a little more of my good luck charm to my friends before I leave. Little Brother and his gf were up against a couple other potential tenant candidates for a place they wanted in Australia and they got it! He asked for help correcting a letter he wanted to send to the landlord to get it, and I helped him zhuzh it up a bit. He recently sent me a thank you message saying he got it. I’m super happy for him, and he seems to be adjusting well so far. ^^

I’ve managed to figure out why my dating life in Korea has been a mess. According to J my problem stems from the fact that I like overly attractive guys.

Now, I could take this a certain way and be offended by it, but I know that’s not what he alluded to. Every time I point out someone I’m attracted to in the building, he remarks back “oh, the good looking guy over there *typical look*. He knows my type even better than Jazz lol. So, rather I take this somewhat as a compliment because he sees I have a keen eye for the delectables. Unfortunately that often means they tend to be no good.*sigh* You know they got tons of girls throwing themselves at them, and we all know that story ugh. I mean, I like what I like. I can’t help it. And that often seems to be a decent chunk of the guys that like me too...well... in a very shallow depth. Do I find myself to be the most attractive women? Definitely not, but I won’t be listening to any guy that tells me otherwise. They already have enough input everywhere else. So as long as this is the case it seems I never really stood a chance lol. But I refuse to settle *coughs* like I’ve seen so many other foreign girls do here *coughs*. I stand by my motto. If I wouldn’t settle for you in the States, I’m not gonna do it here either.

In May I made a new friend. I’ll call him Bond. I knew I wasn’t looking to meet any serious potentials, so I’d long thrown that thought out the window. I’ve had a very weird and at many times very interesting life here in Korea, and it seems like it will be that way till the very end. I’ve met too many interesting characters to count. Anyway, why do I call him Bond? Well, he’s kind of like a secret agent. I’ll leave it at that. On paper, he’s pretty perfect. He’s tall, fit, educated, well traveled, has a good job(works for the government), polite, well-mannered, and has such an attractive British-ish accent. Is he physically attractive? I mean, I guess *rolls eyes*. He’s nothing special to me, but if he ever sees this he’d probably think I’m bitter for reasons. lol But he’s definitely cute in a big teddy-bear type of way. You know, equipped with jujitsu training, and probably knows 20 ways to disfigure a person... but that’s neither here nor there. Teddy-bear! *jazz hands*

So we’ve been keeping in touch since May. We decided to be friends, and he already knows I’m leaving very soon. We were supposed to meet before my trip to Thailand, but his work came up last minute. So that didn’t happen and my 2 week trip turned into 1 month. Oops! But we kept in touch throughout my time there. Fast forward to more recently and we finally got a chance to meet. I dressed very casually with my banged wig and he with his formal work suit. We had chicken and beer and honestly the date wasn’t anything special. He seemed tired from a long days work and maybe a little annoyed. I understand. I basically almost cancelled right before our meeting. Honestly I was a bit annoyed myself. He kept skipping over the question of what exit to meet at, and I felt he’d been acting different the last couple of days after I turned down his last minute request to meet close to where I was staying for chicken and beer since we were both apparently in the area. I had just come back from Okinawa that day and was busy preparing plans for a dress for my brother’s wedding and I just wasn’t feeling it. I was tired. So I declined. He was probably also annoyed at the fact that when we met up I let him know I’d been using a fake name previously. For safety reasons of course. He seemed to be a bit insulted by it, but shrugged it off. Guys just don’t understand. But it is what it is.

We still managed to meet for 3 hours then he payed for dinner and we said our goodbyes. Before the end, I managed to get out what he liked to do on his free time to let loose. He seemed to open up more. From what I gathered he seems very morally upright tho he does indulge in nights out. So that was good to know... I mean with his job and all, I’d definitely hope he’d be a good person.

So Saturday comes and we decide to meet to hangout in Itaewon. He usually likes going to one particular spot with his friends so I say I’ll meet him there. When I arrive I can’t seem to spot him anywhere which was odd since he’s really tall for a Korean. I’m going around back and forth to different spots. It’s super humid out and I’m getting hot and aggravated. We keep missing each others calls and messages. After about an hour of this telephone back and forth nonsense I’d decided I’d had enough and start walking back to my guesthouse to call it a night. He calls. I’m angry, but I answer the phone. He says he’s now at a kebab place eating with one of his friends. I tell him I’ll stop over real quick to say hi. Tho I was angry and didn’t want to do it, it’d be a waste of good makeup, outfit, and night. Someone is gonna see me damn it! I’m not letting all this go to waste!

I start walking toward the restaurant. I see him and he reaches for a hug but I stick my umbrella out. Uh uh! Not with the mess you put me through going around in all this sticky heat. We walk over to the restaurant. I greet his friend and we sit and talk while they eat. Before going in he told me his friend didn’t understand any English, but when I spoke to him he seemed to understand pretty much everything just fine. Even more than him. Bond was unexpectedly quiet throughout the convo. I just kept catching him staring at me in somewhat disbelief through my peripheral every now and again. I kept asking him what he was staring at like that, but he’d change the subject and never really give an answer. I bet the whole time he was thinking “Who the heck is this!? This ain’t the same girl I met the other night.” I did clean up a bit differently. This time wearing a dress and head equipped with a long bang-less wig. So I could see why he might have been confused lol. They finish eating and the plan was for them to head home, but Bond decides he’ll stay out longer with me. His friend catches a Taxi and we head to Thursday Party.

He offers to buy me a drink so we head toward the bar. We ended up doing this coupley thing all night where we’d act like we were gf & bf every time someone approached our space. Tho we clearly saw each other as just friends. I squeezed into the side corner next to him by the register and when he turned to order some guy came to approach me. When he turned back around he caught my eyes, and angled himself to make his presence known. I leaned in to whisper in his ear and dude got the point and dipped. I enjoyed his company throughout the night. He was very fun spirited and enjoyed dancing, so we did that all night long. His demeanor was a juxtaposition from the previous night we had met up. Before he came off very calm and reserved. I loved that his big self didn’t seem to care who was watching him or what anyone thought of him. He was just out to have fun.

We eventually moved over to his favorite spot and this is when I realized his popularity with the ladies. No wonder he liked it there. Since he had been buying everything I offered to pay for the next round of drinks. We head over to the bar and I ordered. A drunk Thai girl being escorted through the crowd by one of the security guards poked her face out and sent him kissy faces. I was like “what was that?” and he rolled his eyes and we laughed it off. A few moments later he spotted a Latina heading towards him and called it out to me. This girl kept hovering around him making it very apparent she was in for the kill. She was super thirsty, but I was rather amused. But at the same time, it opened my eyes to just how disrespectful some women can be. Like I was just standing there watching as she clearly didn’t care that he was obviously entertaining another woman. Maybe she didn’t see me as a threat, but for a moment I just stood there fascinated at the disrespect. Bond wasn’t showing her any interest, but she wasn’t about to leave anytime soon. The bartender hands me our drinks and I felt like being petty, so I graciously handed one to Bond, held mine in the other hand then gently caressed his head as I looked seductively in his eyes. She got the memo and bounced immediately. XD

He loved dancing in the middle of the floor so he pulled me along and we found a spot to dance. He had such a fun spirit about him and encouraged me to dance along with him which I obliged. Through out the night people would approach us asking if we were a couple and telling us how we looked good together. We’d laugh it off and tell them we were merely friends. Others would approach us individually to swoop us up and dance, but we’d always move towards each other and angle ourselves a certain way to signal we were each others company for the night. Guys who wanted to dance with me would be lead to him by my eyes then give him a thumbs up or tell him I was pretty and he was a lucky guy. Girls would approach him, sometimes even small groups, and try to dance up on him. He would always dance towards me and I’d make my move. It was always so funny.

At a point we adopted a cute little kgirl that approached me with compliments. Her English was limited, but she told me she loved my dimples. Bond thought she said pimples and was perplexed like “who compliments pimples? what a weird child” lmao. We danced together for a bit and she leaned over to ask Bond if I was his gf. I tried to pretend like I wasn’t even paying attention and just minding myself dancing even tho I was trying to be nosy and hear what his answer would be. I was just curious to hear what he’d say. Unfortunately I couldn’t but after telling her something that was inaudible she turns to look at me and gives me a cute cheeky grin. We all just continued dancing and we dubbed her our daughter for the night. She was precious. We headed over to the bar on the other side for another drink and I reached to get my card, but he stopped me, gave me a what are you doing?-insulted look and told me he would pay for it.

It’s not really a big deal but he was so manly about it in a way that you don’t typically see here so it was refreshing. I can just tell he’s the type that likes to pay for everything for his girl. Yasss king! XD

We head back to our spot on the dance floor and after some time we notice that our daughter isn’t there so we decide to go around and look for her and make sure she was okay since she was by herself. He is leading the way as I follow him through the crowd, but we momentarily get split for a few seconds, and I see this girl's hand reach out to grab him. She is just a split second too slow and barely missed grabbing him which was replaced by a bunch of air.

I am in awe of the attention this boy had been getting all night with the ladies. What is this?? The hunger games? It was fascinating. Honestly I didn’t get it. Was it because he was tall and imposing? Fascinating I say. Just fascinating.

We go back to our spot and she eventually shows up. We decide to call it a night soon after. He suggests we take a cab together and he’ll drop me off first since he believes we are headed the same direction. I let him know I’ve moved guesthouses and am now staying in Itaewon very close by. We stop for him to grab some water from the convenience store close by then finally start heading our separate ways. He gets a cab, we say our goodbyes, and he hops in. I start heading towards my guesthouse and a guy slowly riding by in a taxi sticks his head out and says “beautiful!”. I turn to the perpetrator and say “Thank-” ....

-_-

It’s Bond. He’s a whole mess! Go home Roger. XD The taxi speeds off.

I continue walking towards my guesthouse, turn into the empty side street and right as I’m about to approach the door some kboy sneaks up behind me and speaks to get my attention. I was momentarily startled because I had unusually been unaware and he hadn’t made his presence known. I ask what he wanted and he shyly says he had been following me and wanted to tell me how pretty I was. *facepalm* Why do guys not realize how creepy that is? He was harmless so I just tell him thank you and give him a smile. He asks if that was my boyfriend. “Huh? Who are you talking about?” The guy that was in the cab. “How long have you been following me?” Since y’all were at the convenience store. CHIIIILLLLEEEE!!! smh I saw him leave and knew he wasn’t your bf. So I got courage and wanted to tell you you are my ideal type and I just wanted to see if you’d grab some drinks with me and just talk. “Umm, where is there a place around here to drink?” He tells me that every place around here is closed so let’s grab some drinks in the store and go to a hotel and chat.

Kboys ladies and gentlemen! Kboys

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knock-me-out · 5 years

Text

panic! in the hallway

genre - big phat mess tbh I dunno

characters - p much everyone + some random girl

word count - 1748 words of sheer garbage

requested - nope ! request stuff tho, guys !!

summary - hyun gets cornered by a pretty girl, the other members are shook, ryeo’s possessive and jealous...ki gets hit a lot. it’s a mess. not proofread, some references to shit we haven’t really posted about but there’s enough there that everything should be kinda self explanatory anyways? we’ll get to it.

there’s some crass language and sexual innuendos, keep that in mind.

“It’s Hyunseok-sunbae, right?”

He’d be lying if he claimed he didn’t physically jolt outright, the unfamiliar let liltingly melodic tone catching the leader unawares as he exited the bathroom, blinking vapidly at the owner of the voice for a few ticks longer than appropriate before recognizing, yes, a very attractive girl was looking at him expectantly, and no, it didn’t seem she was being bribed to approach him. He didn’t recognize her, but that was nothing new, Hyun was normally about as clueless about new groups and their debuts as he was when it came to biomechanical engineering, but it didn’t take recognition to acknowledge visuals. She was shorter than he was by quite a bit, petal lips glossy and rose-tinted, a stray speck of glitter from her eyeshadow adorning a high cheekbone, her hair dyed cherry red. He hadn’t said a thing yet, shit, he hadn’t said a thing.

“Yes!” Too enthusiastic, too pressured, and Hyunseok backtracked rapidly, stumbling over his words for a moment, hurriedly bowing briefly in greeting and using the opportunity to clandestinely wipe the palms of his hands on his pants, having already nervously started sweating despite the fact that he’d washed his hands not even two minutes before. “Yes, that’s me. I’m sorry, I don’t think we’ve met before?” It was hard to make the question sound as polite as it should have been, but the simple fact of the matter was that he didn’t know this girl, and it wasn’t altogether too normal for her to approach him the way she had...especially considering their location. The SBS Open Hall was teeming with idols, certainly, but normally groups tended to stick to their own unless absolutely necessary.

“No, we haven’t. I’m Eunmi, I...your sister and I went to international school together? I didn’t hear about what happened until recently, I’m so sorry.” Hyun’s smile faltered at that, but only momentarily, and he cast a somewhat panicked glance over her shoulder to where his members were clustered obnoxiously in the middle of the corridor and diverting the flow of other people, meeting Remi’s eyes and being graced with an inquisitive raise of the brows from the oldest member.

“Ah, I...appreciate that.” What was someone supposed to say to that, now of all times? He’d hardly managed to process through any of it himself, and he wondered for a moment how the information might have gotten out if W.C. insisted on keeping it all so tightly under wraps, at least until they finished promotions.

“Your stage tonight was incredible, by the way! You really are topping the charts right now, especially after such a long hiatus…” Eunmi’s lips pursed, her affect just screaming that she wanted more information on that nebulous ten-month break, but Hyunseok wouldn’t bite. He was far too caught up on the shift in topic; how could someone go from expressing condolences for the loss of a supposed school friend to what seemed like….it couldn’t be. She couldn’t be trying to flirt with him, could she? Hyunseok felt heat crawl to his face within milliseconds of the notion, and he curled his fingers into his palms momentarily. It was ridiculous to even consider; the girls tended to flock towards Dohwan and Remi before himself, even Kiyong when he seemed in an approachable mood...Hyunseok was an afterthought, usually too busy looking nauseated with anxiety at large-scale events to receive more than a perfunctory nod in his direction or a friendly but distracted greeting.

“Everyone’s been working hard, we’re lucky to have such loyal fans, that’s all.” The compliment was brushed off instinctively, but he couldn’t fight back a nervous laugh that was more of an excuse to exhale a breath he hadn’t been aware he was holding up until that point...a breath that devolved quickly into a somewhat undignified cough as she reached out.

“Give yourself more credit!” Her hand was on his shoulder, she was touching him, and the heat of her palm was like a brand through the thin and silky material of his shirt. Thank God for makeup, otherwise he was sure anyone within a ten mile radius would have been able to register the cerise hue of his face. Hyunseok shifted his weight, another anxious laugh passing between them until she lowered her hand, ghosting long fingernails maybe just a bit more directly than necessary along his upper arm as she did so. Or was he just imagining that?

No, he couldn’t possibly be imagining the obvious interest in her gaze, the way she flicked her hair over one shoulder, the tilt of her hips.

“With a leader like you, it’s no wonder you guys are right back to your old success, right?”

Yep, he was screwed.

“Is she being paid to talk to him, or what?” Kiyong was bored, and had been announcing it every ten minutes like clockwork, but the introduction of a new potential topic had piqued his interest the moment he witnessed what was occuring. When Hyunseok had been stopped outside the bathroom, it was almost comical how the conversations amongst the remaining eleven members had ceased to spy on the leader maybe a bit less inconspicuously than could be hoped.

“Oh boy, she wants a piece of that.” It was Dohwan’s turn to interject as the mysterious redhead put her hand on Hyunseok’s shoulder, letting it fall only mere seconds after, but it was a touch nonetheless. “Her name’s Eunmi, her group debuted just a few months ago.”

“And how would you know?” Ki snapped immediately, and even though it was more than plausible that Dohwan knew what he was talking about, he’d take any excuse he could to push back when the other knew something he didn’t.

“The leader of her group and I, uh…long story short, they all hate me now, I’m surprised Eunmi’s talking to Hyunseok-hyung at all. She’s gorgeous, though, I’ll tap that if he doesn’t.”

“We aren’t talking about mom’s sex life right now. Or ever, thanks.” Owen spoke up for the first time in a while, having been too distracted by his side conversation with Dae, the latter of which looking as confused as he always did.

“Who are we talking about?”

“Dae-yah, you’re like ninety feet tall, how are you still that unaware of what’s going on?”

“Wait, where’s--”

“Oh my God.” Kiyong’s sharp tone cut through Daesung’s question, and he spoke in English this time around and continued to do as he kept going. Whether or not he was aware of it was unclear, and he grabbed onto Remi’s arm and leaned heavily into him. “She definitely just hit him with the ‘ooh shouldn’t you go back to your members?’ He waved her off, he waved her off. Is it just me or does he look less like he wants to fling himself out a window, now? Ooh, boy, there’s that posture shift -- he’s going for it. It’s like watching some weird exotic bird doing a mating dance.”

Owen and Remi were clearly the only two to pick up on the majority what he’d said, but Dohwan’s brows drew together at the word mating, at least he knew that one.

“Guys, leave him alone.” Seungjae didn’t bother glancing up from his phone as he spoke, thumbs a blur on the screen as he typed out what looked like an aggressively long-winded rant in Japanese. “He’s an adult and can make his own stupid decisions.”

“Your mom’s a stupid decision.”

“Ki, that doesn’t even make sense.”

“Neither does your face.”

Both Jui and Seungjae raised a hand to hit him at that, but only Jui followed through, landing a heavy smack between Kiyong’s shoulder blades that was forceful enough that he choked on the water he had brought to his lips, spitting the majority back out into the bottle and unceremoniously onto his own hand...a hand he subsequently wiped on Dohwan’s jacket.

“She just gave him her number, I think, lady, there are sandwiches for a reason. Good thing hyung's always too nervous to eat during these things or he would have thrown up all over her by now.”

Owen had a point. It was curious, however, that Hyunseok’s affect seem to have shifted in only a few minutes. He’d gone from standing stiffly, face a lot redder than he probably thought it was, and expression akin to being confronted with a dead baby bunny to...confident, at least in Kiyong’s opinion. Hyun was laughing, genuinely laughing at something she said, when Ryeokwon suddenly removed himself from the group and approached Hyunseok and Eunmi without having said a single word.

“Well, shit.”

For once, Ki had to agree with Dohwan.

“No, no, it was the second time he got caught with a girl that--” Hyunseok’s anecdote was cut off succinctly by the approach of Ryeokwon, and he watched as a hardened expression only worsened as the blond reached out for Hyunseok.

“Hyung, we need to go.” He was used that tone again, the ‘I’m going to seem borderline casual but you know I mean it’ sort of inflection Ryeo liked to adopt in public, but it was apparent that Hyun’s hesitation wasn’t good enough for him. Hyunseok’s attention was diverted not only by the dancer now holding his hand, but also by a yell from the direction of the others, to see Jui repeatedly swatting Kiyong upside the head with what looked like an empty and half-crushed water bottle. He didn’t notice the caustic and possessive glare Ryeokwon shot at Eunmi, nor did he witness the nervous manner in which she shied back half a step. When he returned his attention to the blond and the redhead now picking uncomfortably at one of the many bracelets adorning her slim wrists, it was only to concede.

“I, ah, should get back to…”

He couldn’t hide the disappointment in his tone. Eunmi was trying hard to look nonplussed, but there was a tenseness to her jaw that he interpreted only as regret.

“That’s alright...I should get going too anyways, yeah? Well...you know how to reach me.”

Hyunseok wasn’t given an opportunity to respond properly beyond an awkward half-wave before she turned and he allowed himself to be half-dragged somewhat barbarically back to the others, where he was met by an enthusiastic clap on the back from Dohwan and a look of unguarded confusion from just about everyone else.

Seungjae only had one thing to say.

“Your fly was halfway undone the whole time, by the way.”

#🦋#writing #doesn't reflect my usual style and I'm iffy on it but I have to feed the masses #alternative title: ki gets smacked like forty times #alternative alternative title: dae is clueless 24/7 and needs help

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because-cur-non · 5 years

Note

(whichever of these you haven’t been asked yet) aubrietia, basket of gold, bellflower, black-eyed Susan, bugle herb, catnip, cock’s comb, daisy, glory of the snow, hellebore, lantanas, transvaal daisy :)

omg I was saving this one and then forgot

Aubrieta: Favorite drink?

I like tea a lot haha. I have a whole ton of different kinds and I’m a little bit pretentious about what brands I’ll buy (hint: unless it’s a novelty because I’m traveling or it’s a particular medicinal one, it’s not going to be from a grocery store). It’s really the only thing I “collect.” It’s cold out and I basically spent all day today working at my apartment so I made I think 7 mugs-worth? And I’m definitely going to have a couple more before bed.

My second favorite drink is regular water.

Basket of Gold: Describe your family.

I’m an only child and I don’t have any first cousins and my second cousins are all at least six years older than me. (Or they live in a different country and I’ve only met them once or twice.) tbh I see my girlfriend’s family a lot more than my own haha

Bellflower: Favorite animal?

I still really like deer a lot! I know they’re dumb and whatever but I think they look neat!

Black-Eyed Susan: If you could be any animal for a day, what would it be?

Probably a cat haha… Just sleep in a sunbeam on the floor… Enjoy climbing over all the surfaces…

Bugleherb: How would you spend your last day on Earth?

Probably panicking, if I’m being honest haha! idk like an “ideal day” if we take that foreboding doom out of it would be hanging out with my friends back home for a bit but also doing things with just my girlfriend like idk going to get ice cream and just driving around for a while.

Catnip: Have you ever slept with a nightlight?

This is still stashed away in one of the drawers in my parents’ bathroom!

Cock’s Comb: Favorite font?

I like verdana in a nostalgic sort of way. I don’t like to use it or anything but when I see it I’m like “hey it’s that one” haha. Uh, I usually just use Times New Roman. Maybe more to the spirit of this question, I like my footnotes to be in size 11 instead of 12.

Daisy: What do you feel is your greatest accomplishment?

I beat Pokemon Omega Ruby in Spanish with an all-grass team.

Glory-of-the-Snow: What are ten things that make you happy/you’re grateful to have in your life?

1) I like that it was snowing today ❄️ That was very pretty!

2) I like my friends a lot and appreciate their company and support! This includes online as well as irl people ofc. I really hit it off with the girl I was TAing with too and I’ve been on good terms with people in my department in general and have hung out with some of them, but this was the first time we were both like YES WE NEED TO SCHEDULE SOMETHING LET’S GET COFFEE

3) Also ofc I am grateful for my girlfriend and her support as well! She’s been very supportive in general and we have a lot of fun together and I’m trying to be patient and wait and not ask to share the stuff she’s writing with the internet before she’s ready because it’s so good, you guys :((( Also I get to see her soon! Being in a relationship with her has encouraged me to work harder at being an emotionally functional adult and I’m learning a lot and, like, everything else aside even I appreciate that opportunity.

4) I appreciate that both my cousins with kids have been asking me to interact with the kids again, because I used to a lot and then stopped abruptly a couple of years ago because the thought of dealing with extended family was just way too much and I was scared of how they would react. I say “again” like they were telling me not to before, but it’s really just that I saw how my mom reacted and panicked that that was going to be standard for everyone on that side.

5) Ok on that note though I do appreciate my parents too lol I really only mention them usually if I’m complaining about them, but I love them and they try.

6) I’m currently using a pretty warm and awesome Irish wool throw ;)

7) I made mochiko chicken tonight, which is one of the recipes I do when I’m feeling ambitious enough to commit to prepping something to cook a day in advance, and it came out the best I’ve ever made it. Turns out not being impatient and instead leaving the heat on medium is the smarter choice. Who knew.

8) I appreciate that my girlfriend and I are on the same page re: rules about pets, (non)biodegradable cleaning supplies, plastic. (Can you tell what we bitch about together on the phone lol) Also: when people we know are being rude and need to Stop.

9) I’m grateful that have an excuse to claim I live in Hawaii whenever it’s useful to do so (my driver’s license is for Hawaii and my car is registered there) because that’s made some of the legal trans paperwork a lot easier. I really should have just waited to do the name change in Hawaii too, because then it would have been cheaper and I wouldn’t’ve had to go to court 🙄 (The judge was nice tho.) But whatever, it wouldn’t’ve been possible to do the gender change here and I needed to do that before getting new IDs (which I had to do ASAP for unrelated reasons) or I would’ve had to pay to redo them. It’s very easy to legally change your gender in Hawaii. Much recommended! (Also it was much easier to get on HRT there than it was where I’m going to school. Like… if you can… just find an informed consent place… it’s so much easier……..)

10) Okay this is dated a little, but I’m also still grateful that my girlfriend and I got to see Hamilton with the OBC. I had assumed it wouldn’t be a possibility at all so it was really neat to be able to go!!

Hellebore: How do you show affection?

Gifts lol. If I’ve ever given you anything with even a little bit of thought put into it, it’s me wanting to be friends. I start looking for Christmas/Hanukkah presents way too early, too.

Lantanas: What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?

My advisor told me I write well and that he wasn’t really concerned about however I choose to organize my final chapter the last time I met with him, which is mostly a good compliment because like many grad students I live terrified that I’m going to be made to redo things, hahaha… So that was a relief to hear!!

Transvaal Daisy: What’s your favorite item of clothing?

Like………. It’s dumb, but I really really really like my black Forever 21 sweater with the metal stud gold heart on the front. I got it on sale for like $9 back when they were doing that season where everything was black and gold and metal and I wear it all the time when it’s cold out. It’s stretched out and nubby but it’s so comfortable and I love it so much and it’s one of the only items of “girl” clothing that I never considered tossing when I was going through my wardrobe a couple years ago. Honestly, it’s just the best sweater, even if I wore it through security at an airport once and got scolded.

Thank you!!!

#now that I am done I am going to make more tea

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fuck-customers · 7 years

Text

Yo so I went off on my store manager and I have a few choice words for my HR person next time I see her so get this

I go in to work, walk upstairs, clock in, set my BACKPACK down in a corner like I usually do, etc etc. I have this really really cool backpack - it's splatoon themed so the design is ink splats with black and white squids. I get a lot of compliments on it.

We've also apparently has a rash of someone or someone(s) going up to the break room and stealing food and drinks from other people. Our managers offices and break room are entirely inaccessible to customers, it's up a flight of stairs behind a door. So when something goes missing, you KNOW it's one of your coworkers.

So anyways, back to the actual story...

After clocking in I go back downstairs and get on register. As a cashier I don't leave the front end, I'm stationary, and rarely see other employees or know what they're up to. I think nothing of it, as I should.

Well, it comes time for my break so I take my happy ass upstairs and go towards the corner where my backpack is.... only....

My fucking backpack is. Not. Fucking. There.

So I'm like... maybe I misplaced it. So I check the other corners... nothing. Maybe someone put it in the fridge? For some reason? Nope. Maybe it's in the storage closet...? Nope.

Okay... well... once upon a time someone took everything out of the break room and put it in the room down the hallway where managers eat and the computers are. Why? I have no idea. But I'll check there in case someone did it again.

Cool, except, it's not fucking there either. So at this point in like wow this is really cool, someone stole my fucking backpack.

I'm pissed now, because I've spent my break freaking out and running around like a chicken with my head cut off. So I start storming back downstairs to find my stone manager.

On the way up.... I find one of my department manager friends and he's like whats up? And I was like SOMEONE STOLE MY BACKPACK!!

He says "oh..." but then proceeds to tell me a very curious tale about how our HR person wants us to use the provided lockers (not lockers we're assigned to, just.. lockers in the back) due to theft that happened... literally... MONTHS... ago.

I get an inkling (HA GET IT, SQUID FANS?!?!?!?) of what's going on, but nonetheless I storm up to my manager and he's like all chill like... what s up?

And I was heated so I was a bit angry... turns out my fucking dipshit HR manager took it upon herself to take my backpack and lock it in her office, WITHOUT FUCKING SAYING ANYTHING. According to my SM the excuse was "oh well she didnt know who it belonged to" REALLY? THAT SOUNDS LIKE AN EVEN BIGGER REASON NOT TO FUCK WITH A STRANGERS THINGS????

I got even more pissed and I went off on my SM like this is fucking bullshit, she shouldn't be doing this and you need to tell her! He said he would but I doubt he will, so I have every intent to tell her to fuck off.

It gets better tho.

So I noticed once I had my belongings and was slightly calmer that now there's a note on the fridge saying we have to either buy a lock and use the lockers, or leave everything in our car. And in super tiny font at the bottom is a sentence muttering about company policy.

Well, once my favorite supervisor came in I was like "yeah so check out this fucking bullshit??" And told her the story and mentioned the note on the fridge.

But you want to know the part where it gets better, like a said a couple paragraphs ago?

I asked my supervisor when the note was taped to the fridge. I don't work wed-fri and today sat, was my first day back so maybe I missed it.

Nope. Nah. That fucking cunt had taped it to the fridge THIS FUCKING MORNING.

THE STUPID COW DIDN'T GIVE ANYONE A CHANCE TO READ IT, OR DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT, BEFORE SHE DECIDED TO TAKE PEOPLE'S SHIT AND LOCK IT IN HER OFFICE WITHOUT DUCKING SAYING ANYTHING

I'm absolutely furious.

#submissions #fuck managers #fuck co-workers #fuck coworkers #submission

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blackrupee · 7 years

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Wow your life sounds complicated right now I'm sorry for that. So you aren't gonna have any managers what the fuck? And OH MY GOD I hate when people come in to eat so close to close!!!! ( I work @ zaxbys) if someone is acting passive aggressive I would act even more passive aggressive- make that bitch regret it- regarding the 2 guys: 2 guys is better than no guys:))) wish the first one didn't pressure you though. How did the 2nd one hurt you? - and I care so don't worry about boring me

hi hello would you like to read a novel on my life thanks i talk too much (tldrs at end)

nah like.. we had been managing with a general manager and 3 assistant managers even though we really need 4 so as not to overwork anyone. we recently hired a new one from a corporate arbys (we’re franchised) and two just quit. like i mentioned, theyre not coming back even though the original plan was that their new jobs would be only temporary (6 weeks). sooooo now we have a general manager who only works weekday day shifts, one assistant manager who is relatively new (she had been working at this place for a while but was promoted to manager 6ish months ago) and another who is brand new but still has some experience. they said theyre looking to promote from within initially, but they might have to hire outside people if no suitable potential manager is picked. id love to get manager pay and its not like managers do anything hard so id be WILLING to be a manager..like the whole reason why i got trained on backline was because we have such a big turnover rate with backline people since it fucking SUCKS and i was wanting to be helpful and flexible. so like. thats what i offerred. but one assistant manager was like “lmao all youd do is swear at the customers” and im like bitch when have i ever?? i talk shit about them all the time but ive only sworn IN FRONT OF a customer twice and neither time was it directed at them. but i mean im sitting on a small handful of customer complaints so its not like the gm would even consider me probably. idk dude. i can be nice if you pay me to be nice. but i get paid to do food and do it fast……….so

but yeah literallyyyyyyyyy i have no idea how people can be so??? inconsiderate???? and they dont??? care??? im learning that my contant frustration with people in my personal interactions is due to a disconnect between what i value in expectations and what actually happens. like. when i go somewhere i already KNOW what i want, so i say it quickly and competently. i preface a lot of my interactions with people im requesting food or services from with “i’m sorry but…”. i phrase things as “could i get” as opposed to “get me” or “i want” which sound HELLA rude tbh. id always have my money ready at the window or the register, im always trying to pay attention and not miss anything or just….be rude in any way bc i know fast food fucking sucks. i know some of the people i interact with probably hate their job as much as i do and i want to be the smallest burden i can be. and it seems like nearly no one else has these same values???? and i dont understand how people can just??? be? so? inconsiderate?

also yes bitch im the queen of passive aggression. literally the night before i was working a short shift and my friend was closing frontline and this bitch was closing drivethrough. i just got the okay to clock out and i was like “bye! have a beautiful night! just know that i love you so much and ive everything ive ever said has always been fake until this point! never meant anything ive ever said until now especially if your name starts with k or ends with ristin (drivethrough girl/the one whos being so difficult is named kristin) but just know that i love you!” and basically being really dramatic and extra as satire.

i guess for context the whole reason she decided to be mad at me was the other night when she was drunk and was like “do you even likeeeeeee meeee i feel like you hateeeee meeee wahh wahh wahhhh” even though im like…..yes bitch i enjoy your company? i joke/use hyperbole/satire/irony/whatever a lot but like occasionally id be like “ey yo you know its all jokes right u know i love u right” just to ensure that she knows but she fucking. ignores it all. i feel like she so desperately WANTS me to hate her and tbh i got fucking sick and tired of hearing her complain all the time about this shit! i fucking hate repeating myself! so sure. if you want me to hate you so fucking much there. i hate you. i fucking hate you so fucking much. like is that what you want to hear? is that validating? are you fucking happy?

its so fucking frustrating

but i will not be held accountable for her decision to be upset. because thats what it is. she wants to be upset, and she wants me to be responsible for it when its literally not my responsibility. i am absolutely not going to stand for this shit like i kind of want to say its emotional abuse lmaooo but im just so fucking sick of it.

everyone knows that i take chicken tenders and turnovers that would be thrown out at the end of the night and she was closing frontline yesterday and made a point to throw out the turnovers right next to me without asking if i wanted any/leaving any for me. i mean i completely expected her to be that petty of a bitch so it was kind of funny tbhonestly. also im p sure she unfollowed me here lmaoo

with regards to the guys and this paragraph could get a bit tmi/nsfw: yeah the first one kind of sucked but i feel like a little bit of the New Person Nerves have worn down so id do better if we were to hookup again. because like i totally would love to have fucked him but…..anxiety. he was hot tho. like 10/10 body and ass holy shit. plus he complimented me on my ass eating so (assuming that was genuine and not a vapid ego boost haha paranoia am i right) hopefully he comes back for seconds.

second guy ive had a longish history with. started talking to him at the beginning of last fall semester and we hooked up kinda regularly for about a month. things fell apart, we both understood that we wouldn’t be good dating wise but still enjoyed meaningless cuddles. whatever. it got to a point where he would only hit me up like once every month and a half or so and towards like january-ish he hits me up again. so im like nice cool lets chill. im getting ready for this but my phone is in the other room. while im doing this he drove by my place to pick me up (since he was on his way back from nashville), didnt get a response to an “im here” text (bc i was busy and tbh not expecting him to do that), and left. he lives within like walking distance tho so im like “?? sorry i was busy are you still out or should i walk over?“ and he texts me like “sorry hold up a thing just happened” and im like…….okay. so im just.. waiting around for him. periodically texting like “hey are we good for tonight and whats going on?” because like there was some drama with his friend? hes like.. apologizing and shit but this goes on for an hour. BUT. the ENTIRE time he’s dealing with this friend problem or whatever he’s literally on grindr. and at the end of this hour im like in full blown paranoia panic mode and i literally text him something mentioning this and he BLOCKS ME ON GRINDR so im like ??????!!!!??? and i text him (all while saying “not to be crazy or paranoid bc im probably coming off that way but like could i get an answer or something??”) AND HE LITERALLY SAYS HE DELETED HIS GRINDR. but thats a LIE because i have a secondary account to see like……if guys are still on grindr/if a thing with a guy might turn into something more like if i see he’s not on grindr as much?? thats prob incredibly stalkerish and probably really creepy but hey. thats me. so i KNOW he lied to me but i cant really say “hey ur a liar” without disclosing this weird creepy stalker part of me (funnily enough this isnt the first time a guy has lied to me and i caught it with my secondary account! so it proves to have some function use in the end. not totally crazy). so. yeah. that was the incident. after this i dont trust him at all, and i still dont, but i had it in my mind to like somehow get him to fall in love with me just so i could break his heart for doing this? never really worked out. so now im at the point where im like….eh he’s a piece of shit and i hate him but ill cuddle with him bc it feels good

back to nsfw/tmi: the sex was okay. he’s weird about people being near his like….dick and stuff because he was raped and i totally get it bc i was too but he was comfortable enough for me to finger him and my finger still hurts from where he clenched when he came lmaoooooo. was totally hot tho. and i got to east his ass so im like eyyyyyyyy. its been so long since ive eaten ass so having it two consecutive nights in a row has been cathartic.

tldr; we have 2 assisant managers and a gm rn. looking for more

tldr; bitch. same.

tldr; he’s a liar

#also anon ilusm i love the attention and you god bless

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mstrangebird · 6 years

Text

2017 wrapped up (a compilation of very long messed up stories)

2017 was a thing.

The truth is... I felt like doing shit the whole year. I’m sorry to myself. I was like floating and doing nothing and having no goals and super confused.

But, I learned something too.

And I experienced something new.

CHOIR LIFE// 2017 was kinda huge to my choir life. Since the first time that I did this wrapped up in 2015 to 2016, I always talked about choir bcs y’know, this surely was a part of me. I was always there since the first time I entered college life back in 2014. But in this year, it was different; a whole new different level. I was a coordinator or simply call it “leader” of a group (a division) and of course, the responsibility was higher and bigger than before. I might be also a coordinator last year but it was just for an event not a whole organization. So, yeah, it was new for me. I got this work plan and also needed to lead my staff so they would land safely at the end of year –Musang, which is Musyawarah Anggota, it is like a meeting in the end of term and an annual report should be made in order to be presented in front of the audiences. The thing is... I think I DID GOOD. Man, I’m serious by the term good. But yeah, dunno, but serious. That Musang thingy, Thank God, I could pass it. Thank you to you my hilarious staff, Amel, Ovi, Tami and Tasya. You guys were doing amazing and I’m proud of it. I’m so happy to work with you. I was a single fighter bcs you were all my juniors that hadn’t been in this division before but you were helpful. Once again, thank you. Next, I only joined one competition in this year (there should be 2) bcs y’know financial problem but I was okay tho bcs I felt like the atmosphere was already different and to be honest, I didn’t really like. For the competition I joined, two of my close friends didn’t join and that was breaking my heart bcs I felt like all alone but Thank God, there were still some other friends that I could lean on. What did I feel back in September? I felt awful. It was awful. We came to the phase where we didn’t get what we wanted, like in 2015. It was whoah, I can’t handle the sadness. It was like getting a very serious broken heart. I cried a lot that time. But yeah, we also learned that everything needs hard works, and maybe for that time, we didn’t work that hard; we didn’t put the souls in every move we took; we didn’t mean every struggle we did. Then, in this organization, us the people in it, didn’t get along fast. But surprisingly, in the end, we are fine. Well you know, everything needs time. By the way, I was really touched by my own staff that suddenly came to me when Musang ended and they cried. I never thought that I would get so much affection from them. Again, it was heart-warming and so new to me. Thank you for the love you give, I am so happy. Ah, I should not forget about this one: Thank you to my CLASSYFOURTEEN for being the reason I stay and struggle—you guys mean so much to me, it’s been a honor to work with you, smartass people. Last, thank you, Vocalista Paradisso. Bcs of you, I learned a lot about organization life, about facing different kind of person. I’m grateful to be part of you. WE HAD ACHIEVED MORE!

COLLEGE LIFE// First, let me laugh at myself. HAH! Okay, let’s continue, shall we? This year, there was only 1 semester that I should attend formally, which was the 6th one. It was maybe started in February and ended around June or July, I forget. AND THAT WAS THE HARDEST SEMESTER IN MY LIFE. I still remember every day and every month how real the struggle was. Doing the Seminar HI project was the craziest point in my life. I spent so much energy and time—also, my sanity was being tested too. I was lack of sleep. I lose my appetite. I spent too many hours in coffee shop—i drank 2-3 cups a day. I even sometimes didn’t attend the class just because I hadn’t done the task yet. Everything felt like in a rush. Moreover, the other subjects were just alike. All the debates, the simulation, the paper, the presentation, oh man, the bag under my eyes were truly getting darker. But thank God, I made it to the next semester. The journey was hahahahah I don’t know what to say. But I am so glad that I could pass it and even I got compliment on my Seminar HI proposal. The only thing that I care in this semester was I AM FINE. I AM STILL FINE. Next on the 7th semester. There was no formal class. I only took skripsi or thesis and KKN or student community service. The truth is... I was wasting my time with sleeping, playing phone and hanging out. Ah also rehearsing for the competition. My skripsi is a big ZERO. So yeah, I won’t talk about it. Well, I don’t want it too. Too sensitive. Then, there was a time when me and my friends were busy about KKN thingy like registering and meeting with other gals, but yeah. We did the survey to the location like few times. I was scared with KKN just by the idea of it. if you read the former post in this blog, the you will know how scared I was. Some bad thoughts just came to my head and made me don’t wanna go. Everytime I talked about this with friends, all the things that came out from my mouth was ranting and whining. My mind seemed to wonder too much and yeah SURPRISINGLY, IT WENT WELL. MOREEEE THAN I EXPECTED IT. I enjoyed it every single day. At the beginning, I kinda lose my appetite but then in like 3 days, it went back. HAHA. I was so happy you know. I met some kids in kindergarten and they were amazing. There was this introvert boy that at first he didn’t want me to get closer but time flied... he was the one who came to me, sat near me and suddenly took my hand. It was so cute you know. And then, the other boy that was so clingy but the laugh was so heart-warming. Gosh. It was a really something new to me. I usually hate kids but for this one, I could make exception. Helping to teach in this kindergarten was such a memorable experience. Then, working together with 9 other guys was a thing too. We lived in one house. We ate breakfast, lunch, dinner together. Even, we cooked! We shared bedroom and bathroom. We did the prayer together. We worked on our work plan together. We laughed together. We went to beach together. Luckily, I got some amazing friends in this group. That is what made the KKN so light and meaningful. Ah yeah, even, we did a senam what is in english, gymnastic? Whatever. Some friends made my ears were familiar to some dangdut song. Shout out to my KKN friends: Shasha, Riqqah, Rachel, Afe, Udin, Irvan, Panji, Syukkron and Sugi. You guys are like family! Thank you for everything, for every single day that we spent! I will always miss the jokes tho. HAHA. This surely would be one of my favourites.// the thing is my college life is a mess. You can conclude it just by reading it. But hey, it’s happy kind of mess. I don’t regret it, even a little part of it. This is the path that I took and I hope that I could do better in 2018. Amen.

FRIENDSHIP LIFE// My 2017 would never be the same if I didn’t have that CLASSYFOURTEEN by my side. This groupie actually is the member of VP 2014. I don’t know but maybe we all have grown up and surprisingly, there is no gang. If we hang out then we hang out together. Like I said, they were the reason to stay in VP and also the reason to hang on till the end of term. They are funny, dirty, smart, and having the very good sense of humor. You can’t ask more because they are just a complete package. To you: Amel, Stella, Shasha, Kezia, Andre, Septi, Viki, Yosgal, Agustin you guys were making my last year in VP colorful. And to you my roomate Dian, ah yeah Febri&Izan, even you were kinda rare to come to the rehearsal, but when you did, it was also giving the new color in our friendship. YOU GUYS ROCK! In 2018, things might be different. We wouldn’t meet regularly like usual. But, I hope we could still hang out together, spend the time at McD together. Thank you guys! Keep the friendship closer and the gang strongert than ever. I love you./ And then, to my college sweethearts, Riqqah, Rachel, and Kiki. I don’t know anymore. All the spirit that you gave meant so much to me. All the tasks were done it was also bcs of your help. I’m so glad that we finally could have this sleepover even it wasn’t unplanned but it was fun, for sure. Riqqah&Rachel... thank you for agreeing to join the KKN team with me. I don’t know any more if there was no you guys. Rachel, my teaching partner in kindergarten, I’m so glad that I know you deeper and better. And Riqqah... the one who knows the good and bad of my story. Thank you for the sleepless nights at McD, pointless conversation about trashy thing, serious talk about current politics situation (and our life too), the hangouts, and everything that I couldn’t remember. But surely, it was soooo good, having a friend that I can talk anything to. GUYS, thank you so much. Every time I write this flashback kind of thing, there are you guys, bcs there is no way that I didn’t mention you. Let’s stay and continue saving each other’s ass. Our final journey has begun. I love you!/ To my boarding house mates, Cicil, Samantha, Feni, and Desi with Rere that moved out, I am sooooo happy to have friends like you. I still remember the surprise you gave for my birthday, and I will always remember that. I’m so glad that I finally could hang out with you to Carrefour near our boarding house. And also, I’m glad that I could spend the day with Samantha. You guys are good mates and neighbours. So Much Love!/ Disa Khasbiya, my highschool friends till now. I AM SUPER GRATEFUL TO HAVE YOU AS MY FRIEND. The typography, the conversation, the little hangout. When I was so down, you were just there and listening to me. When I just accomplished or finished thing that burdened me, you always appreciate it. You always managed time to hang out with me whenever you went home for holiday (unplanned one, even), and for that I appreciated it sooooo much. Gosh. Let’s continue this friendship till we turn grey. Loooooooovelovelove!/ 2017 was yeah a good year for me and my high school friends. At the beginning of year, my birthday actually, I could meet up with Lyna, Oca, Nindy, Ira and have some talks there. Then, I had yeah few times hangout with Disa, also with Oca to some coffee shops. They’re still the same. Oca is still abnormal like usual. Ah yeah, also meeting up with Acha, Ellen, Shella, Disa, Vania, Intan a.k.a cwendol few days before the 2017 ended. It was a sudden plan but we made it. They were just like yesterday in high school. Last, going to Delart 12 with Ira and Dini, we went to coffee shop afterward and there was also Disa joined us. Another fun meeting, eh. I’m so grateful. This was like my hope in the beginning of 2017 that I could at least meet and still be friend with them. And God is always good. Thank you so much./ After all this happy things that I mentioned above, there is this thing that bothers my mind. There is something changing between me and someone used to be with me. How can someone that used to be our rock star becomes someone we don’t know? How can someone change so much till I can’t even recognize? We both used to be a team, partner in crime but suddenly that someone just left... now? We don’t even say hello. It is so weird. And a bit hurt too. What have changed you? What things that you can’t tell? What was happening? What IS happening? To you, if you happen to read this, if you do not explain, then I will not know and understand. I know you are weird, that’s why we became friends at the first place. Not like this, dude... now, there’s so much hatred in my head till it wants to explode. Just tell... I’ll just understand your choice, I’ll move to another step, forgetting. You know me so much that I have friend issue back there. What a shame that you just did the same. Well, the thing that I learned from this one is... people fucking change and sometimes too far. You can’t even chase. People come and go... it could happen to anyone even it’s someone who used to be your partner. Maybe after all, we need to not care too much because it’s possible to make you’re hurt too far.

ABOUT ME// and what about me? The answer is I don’t know too. I can’t recognize anything new from myself... deep within. I am still Ila back in 2016. Even, worse. I tried to apply for a job, well, i didn’t pass the test. Well, I spent too much time listening to Spotify and watching YouTube videos (i ever mentioned on my post before about it). I didn’t read (little fact: maybe I just read 2 books this year). I watched movie in cinema few times, maybe something that I’m proud of bcs there is a progress. And for music discovery... I am the winner! Thank you to Spotify and Lindsey Rempalski (lindseyrem on YouTube) for all the good thing. I listened to many pop, rock, alternative, indie, kind of genre this year. So many bands that I can’t mention. I also enjoyed some local musicians. Lana Del Rey with her new album is blessing me (she’s also my top artist on my Spotify Wrapped). I went to a music event once this year, came to see Payung Teduh and Sheila on 7.

People still see as a happy person. I like that. I hope this is good because that’s the only thing that I can do. Happiness is the only thing that can give to people around me. I believe, we all have the dark part, the problems, the demon inside our heart... if you want to talk about this with me, you need a whole day (well, i whine a lot here, so yeah just track down then you’ll know how annoying my whine is) but... let’s focus on other things... the world is already cruel, the people around us is having their own problems, so why spreading the negativity if you can spread the positivity? They already have a bad day, let’s just cheer them and bring the smile back on the face. Maybe, this is the only good thing that I do this year, eh... but still... Thank You.

My sister got married. I was so sad. I still am. Another new experience happened to me. I can’t describe the feeling bcs it is just too much. It’s like I’m gonna be on my own. 2018 surely is gonna be different and challenging, I guess. Well, congratulations on your wedding, Sis! The only thing that I could do is praying for you to always have a happy life. Thank you so much for being a very good sister all this time. I know I am such an asshole but actually I love you so much.

2017 taught me about “Jalani aja dulu” (maybe “Just Go Ahead” in english). I let things flow. This thing led me to failure, heartbroken, grateful events, new experiences, loss, happiness, and other things. I didn’t have any exact plans, so it drove me to this kind of random and messy situation. I had goals to get achieved, but it was all just bullshit. I wrote down everything that I wanted to do this year, but it turned out to be another hell of shit.

I was so unmotivated in 2017. I didn’t even write properly.

Maybe that’s the problem... I was too comfortable about the concept of let it flow and just go ahead, whatever happens, we think about it later. I’m never in this place before. My vision was dark and my thought was driving nowhere.

Maybe I should change too... I should start to care about my future. I should find things that make me want to keep moving forward.

2017, you were shit.

I felt the happiness. I felt the fun. I felt the heart-warm. I was so happy when I’m with my friends. I kinda could do anything with my friends there. But... I still feel like this. I still feel something is not right in my heart. I still feel like I’m not enough. Sometimes, I feel sad without having reasons. Sometimes, knowing people’s story makes me want to die. I feel so small HAHAHA

Im so screwed.

To you, my ownself, Miladiyah, try harder in 2018, would you?

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2018.

#happy new year #2017 #2018 #story #wrapped up #writing by miladiyah

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