--------------Whispers of the Oasis: Love's Mirage-----------
(even tho it should be u and me instead of this bakuhoe but its ok whatever im not crying)
Thank you @dienamights for commissioning me! Your idea was both amazing and beautiful (kinda challenging but we got dere). It was a joy bringing your vision to life, and I appreciate the opportunity. Looking forward to more creative collaborations in the future!
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Out of This World
Read it on AO3 instead
Tw: Depression
There was a black hole inside of Steve.
He would lie down flat on his back in the living room. The stone floor beneath him would pull his mind down from wherever it liked to drift to, and he would be able to focus enough to stare at the ceiling, put his hands on his stomach, and breathe deep into the sensation.
When things got really bad, it was like he could physically feel it. A dark mass that spread out from his core and swallowed everything around it. If he flipped over to lie on his stomach and press his cheek to the cold marble, then it would sprout out of his back like demon wings, menacing and grim.
He had never told anyone about it, but he was sure everyone knew. That was the thing about black holes, they dragged everything towards them. He was a magnetic person, people were drawn to him, but when they got close and saw that there was nothing inside, they ran. The empty expanse living in Steve was terrifying.
He was the only one who couldn’t escape himself.
No matter what he did, inevitably he would be reminded of what was inside of him. He could try to be happy, but he had to remember it wouldn’t last.
Steve could mess around with the kids, dance along to the radio with Robin, try and love the people who chose to stay with everything he had, but the black hole would always return. It would suck up whatever joy he had tried to grow, making it disappear in the blink of an eye, lost to whatever cosmos existed beyond the gnawing hunger in Steve’s stomach.
It was like it was starving, like he was starving, but not for food. There was nothing Steve could give to make it go away, nothing that would satiate whatever was stuck inside of him. There was just the all encompassing need to have more, to get something that would kill the loneliness that lived there.
And, when the people around him realized that they really couldn’t make that black hole go away, they left. They ran to keep themselves from getting pulled in, and Steve couldn’t blame them. He had spent most of his life trying to run from himself.
Even now, lying in bed with Eddie late on Sunday morning, he could feel the first nudges of gravity shifting, the quiet stirrings of empty space needing to be acknowledged.
There was a black hole living inside of Steve, and nothing he could do to change that.
“God I swear it’s like you’re the sun,” Eddie sleepily whispered against his chest, unknowingly cutting straight through the icy black tendrils starting to creep up Steve’s spine.
“The sun?” Steve said, feeling something finally touch the cold dark thing living in his stomach.
“You just keep us alive and warm, don’t you Stevie?” Eddie mumbled, still half asleep, “Pull everyone into your orbit and make sure none of us go flying off into space alone,”
Eddie was already starting to snore by the time Steve jogged himself out of his stunned silence enough to kiss the top of his boyfriend’s head and whisper a reverent declaration of love.
Sometimes Steve felt like there was a black hole living inside of him.
And sometimes he was reminded not everyone saw it that way.
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Kim has a chipped tooth , but the chipping is inside , and very very small. It can't be seen and he won't get it fixed.
It's a souvenir from the very first time he defeated Chan on hand to hand combat. Even Chan doesn't know that, THAT hit, did so much damage.
Chay on the other hand , knows.
After their first kiss on his shaggy old couch , and the many more that followed that night , he could wax poetry about all the edges and softness of every single crevice on Kim's mouth. He had whimpered when it accidentally grazed his lips , and had grabbed onto Kim's shoulders at the time.
But after that one night Chay never got to kiss Kim again. He never saw the warmth in his eyes that melted and re-moulded his entire world. Not even when he begged in front of Kim to tell him some part of whatever they had , was true.
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Afterwards when he tried to move on , when he tried to fall into the arms of strangers who creeped all over him lustfully , the kisses never made him * feel*.
They were just a way to distract the minds of these poor replacements , so they wouldn't notice how empty Chay's ministrations were. They always closed their eyes when they kissed , and so Chay's unsatisfied frown went by unnoticed. His anger at the reminder , the lack of friction when they tried to dominate him, only made him pull back to lead their attention elsewhere, which they mistook for throes of passion. Hopefully.
When Chay finally was picked up by Kim at Yok's bar one night , Kim was shocked seeing how very much Chay had to drink , and how lax the security around him had been , especially considering their ward had been inebriated. Chay could barely recognise it was Kim half-carrying him out of the bar. Porsche had mentioned to "Make sure Porchay is being safe , Yok called and said he's drinking now. I know , shocking!" , Kim hadn't expected to end up with whole armful of drunk lanky Chay with flushed face and pouty lips.
Kim decided then and there to take him to his penthouse to sleep it off, so he could lie to Porsche about how drunk he had been and maybe so noone else could see his Chay like that.
Once a slightly sobered up Chay took in the piano that stood against the backdrop of a starlit Bangkok skyline , he tearfully broke down and tried to push Kim's aid away.
Only for them both to end up on the rug overlooking the balcony , holding each other , Kim trying to bask in the aroma that was simply his Porchay , and Chay trying to claw his way into Kim's leather jacket.
Finally , finally; Chay got to taste him again , and his whimpers got louder each time Kim grazed his plump lips with that one chipped tooth.
Some vague part of Chay's consciousness revelled that it couldn't get better than this , for Kim to choose that moment bite his lips with full force and draw blood. Chay started to shake like a scared fawn when Kim's fingers climbed underneath his shirt and headed to his chest.
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