#i will say the main reason I don’t go to the shows at that venue is because the service fees for that venue specifically are insane | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

heesdreamer · 1 year

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ECHOES OF RIOT

PAIRING ➩ heeseung x reader

SUMMARY ➩ falling inlove with a rockstar is never easy, especially when he returns to your hometown on a successful tour three years after you lost contact

WARNINGS ➩ this is like straight up angst… romance but mostly angst lol.. drug use, some violence, idk can’t really remember this is ridiculously long

WC ➩ 19.1k

AUTHORS NOTE ➩ well this took me forever lol.. i don’t have much to say i just hope you like it. NOT PROOFREAD normally written at 4am lol the usual.. also side note one of the main characters was chaeyoung and i changed her to heejin for obvious reasons so if you see any of her name left over that’s my mistake and that’s why.

You weren’t exactly sure how you ended up like you did, so meek and quiet to the point that it was an actual hinderance on your daily activities.

If you were born like that, just one of those kids that was too shy to talk to their classmates and hid behind their moms legs on the first day of school, you’d completely understand but you’d actually been nearly the opposite for your entire life.

Maybe it was an accumulation of always feeling like you were taking up too much space, being on the receiving end of quick glares from teachers when you lacked volume control or seeing the hesitance on your friends parents faces when they excitedly asked if you could come over for a sleepover. Mixed with your own sudden self awareness going into high school.

You quickly realized that it wasn’t the loud girls getting asked out on dates and it was an almost immediately decline into self intrusion once you made this discovery.

It wasn’t like you necessarily wanted to be asked out by anybody, physically recoiling as your friends gossiped about the mass appointed hottest guys at your school and turning up your nose when they made sleazy attempts to flirt and court the other girls around you, but it felt embarrassing to be constantly left out of romantic group hangouts or discussions about experiences you’d never had.

Still, you had managed to keep a solid group of friends despite your newfound habit of self isolating and they only halfway judged you for your tendency to stay in on the weekends.

On the other half however, they weren’t so forgiving, hence why you were currently stood outside a low scale concert venue shivering so hard you were worried you’d chip a tooth. You were pulling your zip up hoodie tighter around your body and sending glares to your friends who were chatting animatedly about the band they were going to see.

Apparently it was composed of some boys around your age, not attending your school but well known enough that they had been invited to some of your friends parties and events and eventually your friend group had been given tickets to one of their shows.

You weren’t the biggest fan of crowds in general but especially concert goers and you’d been promised that this one would be chill and relaxing, something you automatically knew was a lie the second you left the cab and saw the attire of everybody around you. The line was buzzing with energy and adrenaline and you could hear the acts doing soundcheck from inside, music loud and heavy.

It was freezing and as much as you were dreading being pushed into a crowd with jabbing elbows and sweat rolling off their skin onto yours, you were ready to get out of the line as more and more snow kept falling down onto the uncaring crowd.

“Aren’t you excited?” Your head was turning at the sound of a soft voice coming from your right and you smiled softly at one of your calmer friends.

“Sure Sunoo. It’ll be fun.” You were replying quickly, not needing them to feel awkward or guilty about bringing you just because you didn’t necessarily want to come. You figured he could tell you were lying by the pity filled look he gave you but he didn’t call you out for it.

He didn’t say anything else for a second and he didn’t get a chance before the doors were opening and the line was surging forward, already getting your tickets checked while you waited and turning into a blob of people and excitement all trying to squeeze into the single door.

You were groaning softly at the feeling of being jostled around but you couldn’t help but laugh at the fact all of your friends were linking arms and declaring to stay together, slightly envious of the pure delight on their faces whilst your heart was starting to ache from the anxious way it was pounding. You let yourself be dragged through the crowd by them, closing your eyes for a second when you pushed through the tightest areas and just allowing them to guide you through it.

The venue was more so just a bar with a small stage but your friends had told you that these were the best types of places to see a show at, intimate and ear shattering loud.

They’d said the last half with an enthusiastic giggle but you had winced softly at the image of how close you’d be to the large speakers that you now saw adorning the stage. It was dark in the building and your shoes were sticking to the floor beneath you, lights turned a deep glowing green and something more casual playing over the speakers to fill the silence.

You’d followed behind them as they found a spot near the bar, safely tucked away from the crowd and planning to wait out the opening acts here to preserve their energy. They all agreed to push into the crowd once the main band came out and try to get as close as they possibly could, looking over at you for acceptance and all smiling and patting your back when you gave a sheepish nod.

It wasn’t that bad and you were quickly getting used to it, the thick cloud of cigarette smoke settling over you and only making you slightly dizzy now.

You felt a bit embarrassed and out of place but everybody else was too excited or drunk to notice that you weren’t exactly in the most appropriate attire. Sunoo had shot you a questioning glance when you’d gotten into the shared cab but you only just now realized you weren’t fitting in with the rest of the crowd or your friends even slightly.

The difference between you and them was even more evident when the owner of the bar was stepping onto stage and excitedly announcing the first artists, all your friends cheering and holding onto each other while you sat and watched from one of the bar stools.

You were still able to have fun as you watched them, smiling softly at the way they kept instinctively moving forward together as the music started and they screamed the lyrics. You didn’t recognize the songs that the band was covering but you knew enough about music to tell it sounded amazing, watching them closely as they skillfully played off of each other and got the crowd properly amped up.

You’d never really understood the purpose behind opening acts but you were getting it now considering you were feeling more and more excited for the main band as you kept watching.

Then more time had passed and the crowd had entered that stage of being too excited and too intoxicated to really understand boundaries and limits, a few fights breaking out that your friends didn’t bat an eye at but you were starting to feel a really deep pit building in your stomach.

It only worsened when somebody was hurriedly, and messily, approaching the bar and demanding another drink as he anxiously looked behind him at where you presumed his spot in the crowd was. You were watching him out of the corner of your eye as he ordered, feeling him swaying drunkenly closer to you and wanting to make sure he didn’t accidentally tip over and knock you out of your seat.

Your intuition was astoundingly accurate considering it wasn’t long before somebody else was approaching the man and leaning into his side, sending the both of them tilting over in your direction.

You’d just managed to hop off the bar seat before they were slamming into it but with the speed in which you’d jumped off combined with the sticky floor underneath you, you were skidding forward and landing roughly on your side against the ground.

Neither man seemed coherent enough to notice you had fallen from the height and you could hear them drunkenly laughing with each other from above you. Your friends hadn’t noticed the altercation either and you quickly frowned at the nasty sensation under your hands before you were standing up and swiftly adjusting your skirt.

You were rushing back out towards the entrance before anybody could notice your disappearance, pushing back through the door and immediately being hit by the cold air as the snow continued to build up on the ground. You were sighing and bending down to pick some of it off the sidewalk, rubbing it in your hands and trying to clean them off the best you could with the wetness.

“You’re going to miss the main act.”

You were jumping at the sound of a voice coming from behind you, standing up swiftly and turning around to see somebody leaning against the building and taking a long drag from whatever it was that he was smoking.

“Oh.. yeah I know I just.. had something on my hands.” You were mumbling out towards him and indicating awkwardly at the snow in your hands, realizing how weird it must’ve looked from his angle.

He was laughing softly at your explanation and your face flushed in embarrassment again for the sixth time that night, taking in his attire and knowing he’d be able to tell right away that you weren’t exactly supposed to be here. He was tall, would be even taller if he was standing up straight and it was especially accentuated by the tight fit of his ripped black jeans. You couldn’t see his face super clearly from where he was stood underneath the shaky lights but his hair was messy and in his eyes and you thought you saw a piercing or two shining on his face.

“Who dragged you here?” He was suddenly asking and you froze up again as you looked at him, eyes darting down to his feet for a second nervously.

“My friends got tickets and I couldn’t get out of it.” You were telling him softly and shrugging a bit. A car was driving past on the empty road and you waited for the sounds of the snow crunching under its tires to quiet before you finished. “From the band actually.”

You look back at him just in time to see his eyebrows lift in surprise and then settle into recognition, your own shifting forward in furrowed confusion. The boy was taking a step off the wall then and flicking his cigarette somewhere off near the road, your eyes following the still burning ember as it flew through the air before circling back to him.

“I’ll see you inside then.” His tone was one of a statement and not a question but you were still slightly confused despite the fact you habitually nodded at him.

You let out a big sigh once he was leaving finally, weirdly going through the alley towards what you could only assume was a side entrance and not the door right next to him. It quickly slipped your mind and you decided to wait for the previous act to finish up before you also headed back in.

You crouched back down closer to the snow and continued to try and clean off your hands and parts of your sleeves that had gotten stained from whatever substances were on the floor. The cold was sending waves of shivers through you but you simply ignored the uncomfortable feeling, especially since you figured you’d warm up quickly once you headed back inside.

Eventually you could hear the second opening act thanking the crowd for their intense energy before the familiar voice of the bar owner was back, this time more excited as he announced that the main band was finally coming out on to the stage.

You sighed softly again to yourself before stomping the slush off your boots and heading back through the door, once again being hit by the tight atmosphere that was a lot more sweaty than when you had first walked in and was now practically buzzing with adrenaline.

It was harder than you had planned for to get back to your seat and you almost gave up and just resided to the back of the building but once the band members were finally on stage the crowd surged forward, a gap in the mass of people slightly opened up and you were hurrying through it back towards where your friends had been. They were gone now but you had expected that, knowing they must likely went closer to the stage.

You were just barely settling back into an empty stool when the band was coming out on stage and you frowned when you realized you could barely see them, sitting up slightly and freezing up when you got a better view.

One of the boys was standing center stage and speaking into the mic, presumably introducing them to the crowd who was cheering the loudest they had all night, but your gaze was drifting a few feet to his right to where one of the guitarist was standing.

You immediately recognized him as the boy from outside, a wave of embarrassment washing over you as you remembered how you had been less than enthusiastic about coming and had told him the band invited you and your friends. His surprised expression was making sense to you now and you would’ve turned to face palm if you weren’t stuck staring at him.

He was scanning the crowd for a few seconds and your eyes widened a touch when he was looking in your direction, stopping his wandering gaze as a soft smirk started to build up on his lips.

You were glancing around you to see if there was anything else he could be looking at and then feeling your face heat up alarmingly fast when you realized there wasn’t and he definitely recognized you from your awkward encounter outside.

Then they were starting to play and you were frozen for other reasons, your eyes locked on him and his frame as he started to open the song slow and soft. It wasn’t the type of music you had expected from them just based off of appearance and you were completely transfixed by the way they skillfully moved with their respective instruments, the boys behind the mics voice coming through now.

The crowd was swaying along with the gentle music, calming down into a low buzz like they were being completely controlled by the bands sound and energy.

You sat frozen like that for the entirety of the first song, mouth slightly parted in surprise and watching the boy you’d seen outside as he continued to play. You didn’t know much about guitars but you could tell he was good, his louder than the others and ringing out clear even underneath the distorted vocals.

He wasn’t looking at you anymore because he wasn’t looking at anything at all, leaning back and keeping his eyes shut as he played them through the final half of the first song. He was rocking along with his strums and he seemed just as into it and transfixed as the rest of the building was.

The first song slowed to a stop and you heard the vocalist laugh softly into the mic before he was glancing behind him towards where the drummer was sitting. You watched them curiously as they nodded at eachother in silent communication, amazed at how casual and relaxed they seemed to be in front of all of these people.

“Obviously we know what you’re all here for.” The lead vocalist was speaking into the mic with a small smile and the two guitarist start to build up the intro of the next song. “Watch your elbows and try not to knock anyone out.”

He was laughing as he finished his lighthearted warning but you watched as the crowd surged with excitement and started to move around, coming to life in sync like they were all the same creature and you felt a bit sick at how tight and moving it was quickly becoming. He was starting to sing again in a lower tone and even though the song was still bordering on calm, you could feel it building up along with the energy in the room.

It was closer to what you had expected their music to sound like and although it wasn’t necessarily something you’d keep on during your downtime, you couldn’t help but feel a bit giddy at the way the entire crowd reacted to the explosive chorus.

The drummers voice was rasping underneath the main vocalist now and you quickly understand their previous communication, a smile building on your face as you watched the guitarist from outside staring at them with an unfiltered excitement.

They played more songs and you continued to sit and watch them unmoving, your eyes mostly transfixed on the boy with the guitar until the end of their set. You’d never seen somebody play the way he did and you almost felt like you had no choice but to watch him considering how captivating he looked on stage. Eventually they were shouting their goodbyes towards the crowd and accepting thrown gifts and hands reaching out for contact, all except for the guitarist considering he was just watching and smiling at the crowd for a distance.

You were still watching them as they left the stage and disappeared back into the restricted part of the building, not even noticing when your friends were excitedly bounding back over to you.

“That was fucking awesome.” Heejin was wrapping her arm around your shoulder and shaking you enthusiastically, sweat lining her dyed hair now and making her tattoos glisten under the now red lighting.

“Jungwon somehow sounds 100 times better in person.” You turned your head to see Sunoo coming to sit next to you with an impressed look on his face, shaking his head in disbelief and still watching the empty stage like you were a few moments ago. “Plus I didn’t know Jake could sing like that.”

“He sang at that school event remember? Before Jay got him into drumming.” Riki was quickly explaining and taking a swig of a water bottle he was carrying, still slightly out of breath from the tight and hot crowd.

You watched them talk animatedly about the show with a soft smile and fondness, you were glad they had fun even if you were originally hesitant to come out with them. It had been better than you’d expected and you still felt a little rush of excitement under your skin when you thought about how loud and beautiful the music had been. You’d completely forgotten about falling on the floor or any mishap.

“Are you ready to go then? We don’t want to keep them waiting, they’re probably super tired.” Joonie was turning to smile at you and await your response but her grin faltered when she saw the heavy look of confusion gracing your features. “You didn��t ask her?”

She was moving her head to give an accusatory stare towards the others and Sunoo winced softly at the harshness in her glare. Riki was sighing and scratching the back of his neck before answering. “We figured we’d ask her after she saw them… maybe she’d be more inclined to say yes.”

“Say yes to what?” You were quickly butting in, slightly frustrated that they were talking around you like you weren’t sat right there watching the entire thing.

“The band wanted us to come over to their place after the show.” Heejin was answering hesitantly, watching you with an expectant look like she was already prepared for you to shut them down.

You can’t deny that the thought immediately crossed your mind, beyond used to rejecting hangouts instinctively especially ones that were so small and intimate with people you didn’t know.

Then you were thinking about the way they had performed and how you had felt seeing them have so much fun on the stage, like they never cared about taking up too much space and they certainly weren’t concerned with ever being too loud. You were pausing for a few seconds to think about it even though you already felt like your mind had been made up, meeting your friends waiting stares and giving them a soft nod of approval.

——

You had quickly come to regret your accepting nod on your way to meet up with the boys, packed into a cab with your friends who still vaguely smelled like the inside of the venue and conjoined sweat.

They still seemed excited so you were trying your best to not be a visible mood killer but you were getting more and more anxious the closer you got to where you’d be meeting, not even exactly sure what type of environment you were going into.

It got even worse when the cab was pulling to a stop in front of a house tucked neatly in a lower class suburban area, the dread of having to make small talk in such an intimate setting like one the boys house was making your stomach turn with nausea. You sucked it up and followed behind your friends with held breath, listening as the door opened and they excitedly greeted whoever it was that was behind it.

You eventually filed through and when it was your turn to pass through the doorway, you realized it was Jake who had opened it.

You recognized him from school events like Riki had mentioned before, not attending yours but a few times a year the neighboring schools held community shows and events to bring the area closer together and scout for grants and sponsorships. You distinctly remember Jake sitting on the stage a few years back, looking beyond nervous as he softly strung his acoustic guitar and sang a song that had slipped your memory by now.

It was a striking opposition to what you’d seen him do tonight, both the fact he had been singing so hard his voice was scratching underneath Jungwon’s softer tone and the way he was slamming down on the drums so hard you had been worried he’d break something.

He had a certain buzzing energy to him that helped this make sense, watching him now as he excitedly bounced around your friends like a loose dog as he guided them towards another doorway. You figured he was more full of bottled up excitement over any actual aggressiveness and you continued to silently follow behind them.

You were a bit surprised to be led down to a small finished basement, carefully walking down the carpeted steps and feeling weirdly like you’d been transported back to your own home with how familiar the area looked.

There was a small red light connected to the door with tape and you imagined it was to signal that some sort of recording was going on, a small smile playing up on your face at the irony of the devoted after band having such a simple setup. The smile was immediately slipping off when you were hearing your friends start up rounds of greeting again and you paled with nerves.

“That’s Y/N, she doesn’t talk much.” Riki was quickly saying and you were half grateful he had saved you from awkwardly stuttering out your name and half furious as all sets of eyes turned to look in your direction.

You recognized the lead singer first, looking a lot less intimidating now that he was sitting on the sofa in more comfortable clothes and letting his purple mullet air dry from what you could only assume was a post show shower. You knew his name was Jungwon just from hearing your friends rambles and you filled in the blanks for the rest of the names.

Jay was almost more intimidating off stage than he was on it, losing that playful and excited energy that being in front of a crowd brought and falling into an almost scary silence. If it wasn’t for the gentle way he was picking at an acoustic guitar, a stark difference to the black and shining electric one you’d seen him with on stage.

Your eyes were drifting over to the final person in the room who was busy chatting with Heejin and staring excitedly at her newest tattoos, his hands hovering over her skin but not touching directly like an excited child. Sunoo had told you on the way here that Sunghoon played bass and whilst you weren’t exactly sure what that meant, he seemed the most approachable out of the group.

Minus the member you’d already accidentally approached but he was missing from the current area and you felt a wave of relief rushing through you considering how embarrassed you’d felt seeing him on stage.

You almost fell into autopilot and you listened to the two groups mix and talk casually like they were lifelong friends, an overwhelming feeling of envy sitting in your stomach considering the fact they were so easily able to hold conversation with each other whilst you struggled to even introduce yourself.

Jay had gotten up to put on a record at some point and that made you feel slightly more at ease considering there was no more room for awkward silence, something a lot calmer than what they’d played earlier ringing through the room as they all lounged in different places and started to smoke amongst each other.

Your friends didn’t bother offering any to you considering you had a tendency to say no, not necessarily against smoking or being high but the intimacy of sharing a blunt mixed with the performance anxiety as it was passed around the circle almost on instinct. The other boys must’ve gotten the hint without it needing to be said and they also didn’t try to get you to smoke, leaving you relieved that they weren’t the types to poke fun at you or try to pressure you into it.

It was a lot easier for you to just watch them and get a small contact high, sinking down into your spot on the couch more and relaxing as they started to lose focus and definitely lose the ability to care if you were being awkward.

You were pressed against the side of the sofa even though nobody was sat directly near you, still trying to ensure you were taking up as little space on the furniture as possible in case somebody else wanted to sit or you were simply just in the way. You were grateful you’d developed this habit considering the door to the basement was opening again and you froze up as the light shone in from the top of the stairs.

“Finally, the chosen one has arrived.” Jake was yelling excitedly from somewhere you couldn’t see, laying flat on the carpet behind the round ottoman and you could only barely catch a glimpse of his arms being thrown up in mock praise.

You were staring at the stairs as the boot covered feet started to descend down and you knew who it was before he even reached the point where you could see his upper half, freezing even more at the way his eyes scanned over the unfamiliar faces in the basement before pausing on you.

You awkwardly pulled your sleeves over your hands and glanced back over at Sunoo was sitting in the chair closest to you and the couch, talking to Sunghoon about something you couldn’t quite make it out considering anxiety was fully building up now and you were slightly disoriented from the overstimulation in the room.

Much to your dismay and attempts to stop yourself, your eyes were drifting back over to the boy and you almost groaned when you realized he was still watching you.

Heeseung had, according to Joonie on the way here, been the one to originally start up the band and convince the others to take it as seriously as he did. He was the lead guitarist first and foremost but he dabbled in almost everything, including producing all of their original songs and covers and apparently forfeiting his basement as their studio considering the younger photos of him scattered around the walls.

His baby pink hair was in his face even more now than it had been when you’d saw him smoking outside, littered with random blonde patches that told you he had done it himself, and now you were positive he had multiple piercings throughout his face.

It was only getting worse for you when he was making his way over to the couch and taking the empty middle seat, directly next to you.

You were sat with your feet up on the fabric and hugging your knees close to your chest but you imagined if you’d been sat normally then your thighs would be press against his that had lost the tight ripped jeans and were now sporting some more casual black sweatpants.

“You want this Hee?” Sunghoon was saying from where he was sat on the floor besides Sunoo on the chair.

You glanced over to the boy just in time to see him shake his head in denial and a wave of surprise and relief washed over you, grateful you wouldn’t be the only one not smoking anymore. “You don’t smoke?” Riki was asking and Heeseung seemed to instinctively shake his head no.

Jay snorted out a half laugh half scoff and you watched the pink haired boy shoot him a sharp glare before his eyes were drifting over to you, almost like he was checking your reaction. Your eyebrows were furrowed forward in confusion, wondering why he was lying about smoking, he must’ve forgotten the fact you’d seen him outside with a cigarette only a few hours before.

Everybody fell back into their own individual conversations again and you started to relax finally, listening to the music playing softly in the smoke filled room.

“So did you end up liking it then?” Heeseung’s voice was coming from beside you and you looked over towards him with widened eyes, not expecting him to directly address you.

“W-what?” You were stuttering out and then immediately flushing in embarrassment when a concerned look passed over his intimidating face. He seemed nice enough but your closed mind couldn’t look past the piercings and the eyeliner still staining around his large eyes.

“The show.” He was quickly explaining, looking slightly embarrassed himself that you hadn’t understood what he was talking about. “You didn’t seem too excited when you were outside.”

You froze up in your spot considering he was directly referencing the conversation you’d had outside, in which you had told him begrudgingly and in complaint that you hadn’t been able to get out of going to the show that he was performing at. You didn’t respond for a few seconds and you were grateful that everybody was too stoned to keep up with your awkward conversation.

“It was… you guys were very..” You trailed off when you saw the expectant look on his face and you cleared your throat a bit, eyes darting down to the double piercings going through the thin skin of his lips and then back up to his eyes. “It was cool.”

“Just cool?” His lip was curling softly up into a half smirk at your extremely vague answer, shifting in his place on the couch so he was facing you better and you tried not to be extremely weird about the fact his arm was resting on the back of the sofa now and therefore his hand was dangling on the other side of your shoulders.

“Super cool?” You offered in a squeaky voice, wincing as your shoulders curled in on themselves.

He laughed softly at your answer and you were relieved that he found it somewhat funny and wasn’t totally offended that you didn’t have a string of compliments prepared for him. You did like the show much more than you thought you would and if you were able to get ahold of yourself, you would’ve told him how impressed you were as you watched him play.

But you weren’t that lucky and you knew you’d be stuck giving him half true statements that didn’t actually show how you truly felt about the set, turning your head back to face forward so you didn’t have to look at his face anymore.

You weren’t exactly sure why he had come to talk to you out of everybody in the room, knowing he was obviously a lot closer to his band mates and had even hung out with your male friends a few times from your knowledge in group settings. Joonie had told you that she thought the two of you were a bit similar considering he was also rarely at social events but you highly doubted the comparison considering the way he looked performing in front of an adoring and expectant crowd.

Still, you thought about the way he hung back at the end of the final song instead of interacting with the fans like the other members had and the fact you hadn’t been surprised when he wasn’t present in the basement at first.

“Are you two actually talking to each other or just sitting in weirdo silence?” Your head was picking back up to look over at Heejin who was sitting on the other side of the couch, next to Heeseung but leaning far enough away towards Jake and Jungwon that they didn’t touch at all.

You didn’t need to look at her to know who she was referring to but your stomach dropped a little when you met her gaze and confirmed she was referring to you, the others in the room also looking over considering her statement.

Heejin was in no way mean to you and she was actually your longest friend out of the group, knowing her since middle school which meant she was around to watch your social decline. She made jokes sometimes or pushed you too far out of your comfort zone but you always took it as her way of trying to help you loosen up like she knew you could, always stopping whenever you got visibly too overwhelmed or uncomfortable.

You weren’t sure if it was the presence of people she admired or the buzz of a high settling over her that caused her to make the comment but it clearly crossed a line the two of you had silently established throughout the years, your face dropping at the unwanted attention.

“Heeseung is the master of weirdo silence.” Jake was adding on from the floor again and you could hear him giggling nonsensically, sitting up so you could see his head past the ottoman and frown at him.

“Yeah well I’d rather talk to..” Heeseung was starting harshly before trailing off and glancing over at you with a raised eyebrow. You paused for a few seconds and stared at him in confusion but realizing he was waiting for you to tell him your name, quickly whispering it to him and trying to ignore the small smile he gave you before turning back to look at the others. “I’d rather talk to Y/N than you deadbeats.”

The boys in the room were breaking out into small fits of laughters and instigating choruses of “Oo’s”. Fanning their hands out like they’d been burned and only settling down when Heeseung was rolling his eyes and sinking further into the couch.

Luckily they all seemed to let it go after that even though you were still left with a deeper pit in your stomach because of Heejin’s random dig at both you and Heeseung, roping him in to your anti social behavior and giving his own friends the opportunity to pile on top of it.

You were glancing over at him again from the corner of your eye, hesitantly shifting to try and catch his attention again. His gaze was snapping back to your face when you moved slightly and his eyebrows raised in question again, a lot softer than they had been when he was asking for your name and snapping back at your friends. You watched the way the metal balls surrounding his eyebrow stretched with the movement before licking your dry lips and speaking.

“Thanks.” The word slipped from your lips in a small breath and once again you felt disappointed that it was all you had managed to say, wishing you were able to express your gratitude to him more.

He didn’t seem to mind and his shoulders were lifting in a small shoulder, watching you curiously. “It’s no big deal. I don’t talk much either.”

“Even though you do all… that?” You were asking before you even processed the question falling from your lips and he looked equally surprised as you that you were continuing the conversation without needing prompting.

“Like perform?” His voice was lower now as you started to talk more and you had a feeling he didn’t want the others to listen in and find a way to intervene again. You gave him a soft nod, grateful he had understood your vague wording. “It’s different, I don’t really think of it like that. Sometimes I don’t even feel like I’m there in front of all those people.”

If you’d heard him say that last week or even this morning, you would’ve not fully understood what exactly he was trying to explain to you. Even now you were still a bit confused on what exactly the feeling was like but you immediately understood what he was referring to, remembering the way he was closing his eyes and leaning with the music like he was in his own world.

You must’ve fallen silent for too long as you were thinking about it and what that could possibly be like, how it would feel to live a life with that sort of overwhelming passion, because he was clearing his throat and shifting again.

“It’s like… well what do you do?” He was starting to try and find an analogy, assuming you didn’t understand and you froze up at the direct question.

“What do I do?” You were repeating back to him for clarification and he nodded earnestly, waiting to hear your answer. “I don’t think I really do anything.”

He seemed taken back by that and you were slightly embarrassed that you’d failed to answer his question properly. You’d thought about it before, being at the age where you should have something you were passionate about or a hobby that motivated you in some way.

You never really did much of anything on your own and you’d yet to find anything that gave you that sort of spark he’d be referring to, the type of spark that would cause you to do what you loved even if it meant pushing yourself past your limits or standing on a stage like you were born for it.

“What are you doing this weekend?” He was suddenly rushing out and your eyes widened in surprise again at the fact his voice had come out much louder now, like he’d forced himself to say it. You didn’t say anything for a few seconds and then you were shaking your head to signal that you weren’t doing anything set in stone. “Come to our next show.”

“To your show?” You were repeating in bewilderment and he was nodding his head quickly as he scanned over your face hesitantly, wondering if you were going to reject him. Eventually you were biting the inside of your cheek after contemplating for a while and glancing at him. “O-okay.. yeah sure.”

——

“Y/N, the phone for you.” Your mothers screaming voice was floating up the stairs and you groaned softly into your pillow, laying on your stomach and overthinking the events of the previous weekend like you had been for days.

It was pretty uneventful after your conversation with Heeseung, both falling into a silence or offering small laughs and quick glances as you listened to your friends talk and get to know each other better. He must’ve been telling the truth about not talking much because nobody looked over at him once expectantly although you noticed his band mates keeping an eye on the two of you occasionally.

Eventually you and your friends had left the basement and the pink haired boy had spared you a quick wave through the window as the taxi pulled off.

You’d listened to your friends excitedly talk the entire way back to your neighbors and pry you for details about what you’d been talking about with him, not noticing the bitter expression on your face when you noticed how surprised they seemed that he’d chosen to speak to you.

Now it was Thursday and you were thinking about it all again, replaying it over and over and finding something new to be embarrassed about each time you did. Heeseung was surprisingly soft spoken and slightly awkward considering his appearance but you knew it held no parallel to how terrible you were at socializing.

“Y/N.” Your mom was screaming again and this time you rolled over as you groaned, letting it fill the room before you were getting off your bed and heading down the stairs.

Your mom was standing there with the phone in her hand, watching you with an excited expression and your face was pulling forward in confusion as your steps hesitantly slowed to a stop. “It’s a boy.” She was whispering and pointing at the phone with a wiggle of her eyebrows.

You were snatching the phone away from her and walking around the corner into the hallways, stretching the chord as far as it could possibly go and waving a dismissive hand at your mom when she was poking her around the corner in curiosity.

“Hello?” You were breathing into the phone and it was a heavy silence for a few seconds before you could hear somebody clearing their throat on the other side.

“Hey Y/N, it’s Heeseung.” He was announcing and you froze up at the sound of his soft voice coming through your speaker, clutching the phone tighter in your hand and shifting it against your ear. “Um.. like the guitar guy.”

You were laughing softly at the fact he felt the need to specify, most likely growing nervous from your extended silence. “I know who you are Heeseung.”

“Cool… yeah cool.” He was breathing back and letting out his own nervous laugh, a small smile building on your face at how awkward he seemed now. You liked how different he was in each setting, confident and sensual on stage and casual and calm when surrounded by his friends in a familiar area. Now you were seeing what he was like on his own, mirroring a personality similar to yours.

“D-did you need something?” You tried to keep your tone light so he didn’t think you were bothered by the fact he had called despite your confusion over how he’d gotten your number or what exactly he wanted.

Your heart was racing slightly as you listened to him inhale over the phone, feeling a bit ridiculous over your own reactions but you couldn’t help but think about his soft pink hair and the piercings your mom would definitely disapprove of. She glared at Heejin’s bare skin every time she came over during the summer so you couldn’t imagine her reaction to seeing Heeseung’s group of friends.

“I was just calling to make sure you were still going to the show and Sunghoon said I should tell you to bring your friends.” He was explaining in a low tone and you could hear shushing in the background, your smile widening at the realization he was around some of his friends. “I’m pretty sure he’s just trying to convince Heejin to give him a tattoo but it would be safer anyways with more people.”

“Alright, yeah we’ll be there.” You were telling him back swiftly and you surprised yourself by how naturally it came out of your mouth, no stutter or hesitation.

“Cool.” You could almost hear the smile in his voice as he said the word again, almost repeating it like he did the first time but seemingly catching himself before he did. “I’ll see you there then?”

“Yeah… yeah you will.”

——

“So he like directly invited you.” Riki was asking for the sixth time that night and you sighed softly when he was bumping his elbow into your arm with a smile on his face, clearly excited about the recent development in your life.

“Is it that surprising?” Your tone was stiff along with your posture, somehow once again finding yourself in a cold line outside of a random concert venue downtown.

“Not at all Y/N.” Sunoo was quickly interjecting once he realized you were taking offense to their over excitement, offering him a small tired smile due to his habit of trying to make you feel better. “We are just happy for you.”

You were about to remind him that there was no reason to be happy or excited and that you and Heeseung had just gotten along, nothing else, but you were interrupted by the staff who was checking tickets approaching your group. You watched as he took a look at Riki’s and then his school ID, promptly marking his hand with a solid black X before he was turning towards you expectantly.

He was looking at your ID with a bored expression but before he was able to hand it back to you and give you a similar marking, he paused and did a double take as he looked at the words. “Y/N? You’re on the list.”

“The list?” Your voice was soft in confusion and buried under the sound of your friends excited squeals and laughters, feeling Joonie’s hands come up to squeeze your shoulders and shake you softly.

You weren’t understanding what was happening until you were being moved forward, hearing Heejin clarify that you all were allowed early entry before she was smiling brightly and practically caring you with the rest of them as you entered the venue ahead of everybody else. You felt a flush come up to your cheeks when you realized that Heeseung had clearly mentioned you to the staff of the building and that’s why you were currently skipping the line and heading towards the back of the venue.

It was a different place than last time, bigger and seemingly more concert specific in comparison to the bar you were at last time.

The staff member was leading you down a hallway until you were stopped in front of a door with chipping paint, a piece of paper stuck to it with tape and the bands name in big sharpie letters. You smiled softly at their names all scribbled around the bold font, knowing they must’ve stuck it outside themselves as a mock dressing room.

You felt a wave of anxiety rush up with the employee was knocking on the door twice before turning to head back outside and control the growing crowd but you didn’t have any time to panic before it was being thrown open.

“You came.” Heeseung’s eyes were wide as he looked down at you in surprise and you were parting your lips to answer him before your friends were impatiently pushing into the room, practically shoving you forward into him.

He helped steady you when you made a small noise of surprise and you were glancing up at him in embarrassment, face undoubtedly red considering he was holding onto your arms even once your feet were flat on the ground. “You look…”

You felt overwhelming self conscious when his gaze was dropping down, scanning over your outfit and body before meeting your eyes again. You’d mistakenly let Heejin and Joonie dress you after they practically spent two hours begging, remembering how awkward you felt being improperly dressed last time.

It felt even worse to be in clothes you weren’t at all used to or comfortable with and you couldn’t tell what Heeseung was thinking just based off his expression.

“It looks really good.” He was breathing out finally and you felt a wave of relief at his statement, and then self judgment for caring what he thought in the first place. “Are you sure you’ll be comfortable though? I have a sweater you can wear.”

You froze up slightly as he continued to speak to you in a calm voice, somehow sensing your anxiety over the outfit despite only speaking to you a few times. You were half flattered that he cared enough to lend you some clothes and half humiliated that he could tell you didn’t normally wear things like this.

He must’ve seen outfits like this on hundreds of girls every time he had a show, knowing half the crowd would be dressed similarly to you but wearing it with a confidence and aura that you severely lacked. You didn’t have an overwhelming presence like Heejin or an alluring personality like Joonie and you’d always felt bland in comparison.

You were awkwardly glancing around the makeshift dressing room and pleased to see your friends and the band engaging in their own excited conversations and not paying you any mind.

Then your gaze was landing on one of the mirrors across the room and you were freezing up when you caught sight of you and Heeseung, still standing closer than you’d thought you were with his hands touching your arms. You almost didn’t recognize yourself for a second and despite how awful the clothes felt against your skin, you couldn’t deny that you looked good standing next to him and his similar aesthetic.

“I’ll be alright.” You were turning back to him to answer his question definitively and you tried to hold eye contact with him for a second, easier considering his hair was falling into his face again.

He was wearing eyeliner like he had been the first time you’d seen him outside the venue but it was a lot bolder and messier this time, making his eyes even bigger than they already were but completely changing his energy and appearance in comparison to the version of him you’d seen in his basement.

“Are you nervous?” You weren’t sure why that was the next thing you said to him but his eyes lit up when you whispered the question, staring up at him with wide eyes and saying it so softly he almost didn’t catch it underneath the loud crowd in the distance and your friends behind him.

“I’m excited.” He was responding back and you knew he meant it, no sign of apprehension or hesitation on his face.

You’d never seen somebody look as intense as Heeseung did when he talked about performing, his entire demeanor changing from the awkward boy who you’d been speaking to, almost seeming unsure of himself after every sentence. He didn’t even seem to think at all when he spoke about music or being on stage and you watched him curiously as he rambled on about how it felt to be up there.

You figured he probably knew you wouldn’t ever be able to understand what he was talking about unless you did it yourself but you still felt giddy that he wanted to explain it to you.

He talked about it until another team member was poking his head in to let the boys know that soundcheck was about to start and then the doors would open, also being you and your friends queue to go and get spots in the front row.

“I’ll see you out there then?” He was smiling down at you and giving a gentle squeeze to your arm that he was still holding, your own breaking out on your face despite trying to withhold and you gave him a small nod of approval before he was disappearing out the door after the others.

Your friends were obviously excited for having caught the end of your interaction and although you rolled your eyes as they begun to tease you, you couldn’t rid yourself of the bright grin you were catching between your lips and you started to head back out into the hallway and towards where the crowd would be standing.

You felt okay for now but you were starting to get more and more anxious at the realization that soon the mass of people would surge inside towards you and you’d be stuck in your place against the barricade, white knuckling it as you contemplated heading to the back of the venue and watching from there instead so you wouldn’t embarrass yourself by having a panic attack right in front of the band.

“You know..” Heejin was leaning in against your side to whisper into your ear and you felt her hand squeezing your side affectionately. “Jake said that Heeseung’s never invited anybody to a show before.”

She was pulling away just in time to see your eyes widen in surprise, followed by your face flushing a bright red at the knowing look she was giving you. “Not even his family?”

You knew that the bands music wouldn’t necessarily be everybody’s personal taste, especially those of an older generation, but you couldn’t help but feel slightly confused that he wouldn’t ever ask anybody to come watch him perform. He was clearly proud of what he had created and more passionate than anyone you’d met before.

“It’s just him and his dad I guess.” She was shrugging softly and glancing up at the stage as she spoke. “Apparently he’s a huge hard ass about him doing music.”

Your face was falling into a small frown at what she was saying but you didn’t have a chance to respond before the lights were shutting off and immediately being replaced by the same red ones the other venue had put on for their set, hearing the sounds of the doors opening and feet swiftly approaching the stage.

Anxiety was immediately building up as you were getting more and more constricted in the crowd but you felt slightly better knowing your friends were around you, feeling Riki not so subtly shift his position so he was stood behind you and you weren’t going to be subject to any stranger pressing into your body.

You were going to turn and give him a grateful smile but you were cut off by the sounds of the crowd screaming louder than you’d ever heard, confused on what was causing it before you realized the boys were already coming out onto the stage.

They were only silhouettes at first without the spotlights turned on but you could tell it was Sunghoon who had ended up directly in front of you, glancing across the stage to see Heeseung on the other side beside Jungwon again like he had been the other weekend.

Then the lights were coming on, soft enough to keep the red glow but illuminating each member and their instruments. You smiled widely and couldn’t help the scream that leapt from your throat, joining in with your friends and the rest of the crowd as excitement started to fill you. You’d never been in a setting like this before and you were quickly understanding why it was so addicting.

You were already watching Heeseung from the moment he stepped on stage so you definitely didn’t miss the way his eyes were scanning the front section of the crowd, only settling once they passed by you before quickly backtracking as a smile curled up on his lips.

Jungwon was starting to speak into the mic and introduce them like you’d heard him do last week but you were preoccupied, watching the pink haired boy and giving him a small nod of acknowledgment with a soft smile.

Then the show was starting and you quickly realized that what you had seen last time was nothing in comparison to actually being in the crowd, an energy taking over you that you didn’t even know you possessed. You were dancing along with Heejin and gripping Sunoo’s arm in excitement as he screamed and sang along, all the while keeping your eyes on Heeseung.

He was almost like a completely different person on stage, more than just his energy considering the fact even his gaze was new to you. He was a lot more intimidating when he was staring down at you with hooded eyes, the eyeliner more smudge now and thankfully distracting you from the skillful way his fingers moved along the guitar strings.

It was hard not to think about him to the level you’d been trying to deny when he was looking at you for almost the entirety of the show, seemingly checking on you when the crowd got particularly wild and at other times almost looking smug because of how transfixed you seemed. His lip would curl into a cocky smirk that you didn’t even think he could manage and you’d feel your heart thump alive in a way it never had before.

You spent the next few months following this exact routine with him.

Every week, in the middle of it or sometimes as early as the day after a show, he’d call your house and your mom would yell your name up the stairs. He’d softly invite you to the next show and you’d excitedly tell him that you’d be there, despite knowing he already knew the answer and you knowing he just liked to hear you say it.

Sometimes you’d take your friends with you but eventually you got comfortable enough to go by yourself, you’d be let in early with a small smile to the bouncers and you’d always ask him the same question before he got on stage.

“Are you nervous?” You’d say for the dozenth time even though you knew by now that he wasn’t but every single time his eyes would light up with that fire and passion that you’d been so sucked in by and he’d always repeat the same words back in the same tone.

“I’m excited.”

Heeseung liked it best when you came to his shows so you did it every weekend you were free, even when you’d get too overwhelmed and have to sit in the dressing room or behind the stage if it was available, he just liked knowing you were there to see him and he expressed it to you every single time.

You got closer over that time outside of watching him play too, taking longer to get over that awkwardness you both carried outside of the venues when the adrenaline died down but eventually you’d stopped hanging out solely within your respective groups and started to spend some time alone together.

He’d pick you up in his shitty run down car and your mom would glare at him from the living room window, watching his hair go from pink to blue then to a red that had taken you back a few steps with its brightness when you’d first seen it.

“That’s.. a strong choice.” You’d said after you buckled your seatbelt and you were reaching forward to run your hand through it before you even had a second to think about it.

“My dad hates the color red.” Was all he had responded with and you watched the side of his face as he smiled softly and put the car into drive.

Heeseung wasn’t the most stable person to be around at times but you eventually realized that you’d never felt as comfortable taking up space as you did when you were with him, an addicting feeling that you almost had no choice but to lean forward into and you were thankful that he was always around to catch you.

You’d sit in the basement with the boys as they practiced new songs and Jake had even attempted to teach you to play some songs on the guitar, going to him for help because it felt less intimidating than asking one of the actual guitar players.

It was somehow easy to mesh into their routines and hobbies despite how different you were than them and your most fun high school memories all featured your old friends and new ones hanging out together, all packed into booths at late night diners after a particularly good show or getting makeshift tattoos from Heejin in the familiar basement that you’d spent most of the year in by the time graduation rolled around.

Heeseung was a year older than you and already graduated before you’d met him but he’d made sure to attend and watch you and your friends walk, minus Riki who still had a year left.

You’d all rushed out of the ceremony hall and squished in his car so you could drive across town and watch the rest of his friends at their own school, cheering for them all in your different colored graduation gowns and ignoring the embarrassed look on Jungwon’s face when he gave his class president speech at the beginning.

There were a lot of highs but it all came with lows too and those took you longer to adjust to.

You weren’t exactly sure how to handle it when Heeseung would show up at your house late at night, sometimes bleeding from various places on his face or panting like he’d run all the way there. You’d quickly pull him inside and ignore your moms questioning shout asking who was at the door.

Eventually you had sat her down after dinner and told her that sometimes Heeseung had issues with his dad and he didn’t have anywhere else to go, which was a slight lie on your part but you knew it felt true to him considering he never considered any other options before heading in your direction even if it was across town and a lot less welcoming than one of his friends houses.

She never was a big fan of him, of any of your friends but especially him, despite the gentle way he always said hello to her upon entry and his countless attempts to get on her good side. You’d tried to explain to him that it wasn’t anything personal or anything he was doing wrong and it was just how your mother was but he seemed particularly upset about it despite normally not caring what people thought of him.

“It’s your mom, it’s different.” He was stressing his words to emphasize that it was because she was related to you that it mattered to him and you were furrowing your eyebrows and turning to look at him.

You were sat on your bed together, two months before it happened, and sharing a pair of headphones that was playing a scratchy demo of a song he’d been working on. You were popping the tape out of the device so it would stop abruptly as you sat up a little bit to be able to see his face better.

“Why do you say stuff like that?” You were asking him and he sighed softly like he always did when you begun to pry for answers regarding his behavior towards you.

Despite the way you felt around him and the fact you’d practically become inseparable in the summer following graduation, you’d never directly talked about what your relationship was or even crossed a line that would definitely give you an unspoken answer. Outside of some longing glances and hands resting a little too low on your back, you’d remained pretty platonic other than your own inner thoughts and emotions.

“Don’t know.” He was mumbling softly as he looked at you and you squinted your eyes at him in disbelief but eventually you sighed and shifted back so you were resting against your headboard again, shoulder pressed into his tightly.

When it finally happened, you pretty much assumed that your life was going to abruptly end.

The boys had been growing in popularity now that they were out of school and able to do music full time, still underaged but building enough connections with the local music scene and venues to be able to play more frequently and to older and grittier crowds.

Mixed with the rise of the internet and MTV music videos filled with long haired rockstars and half naked women, it didn’t take long for their talents to get noticed by a few different people who swore they were from the next big company and could guarantee to make Echoes of Riot each millionaires respectfully, offers that were all swiftly turned down by Heeseung (with the advice of Sunoo who had begun to fill a management like role within the group).

You’d never paid much mind to what stardom would mean for the boys despite believing to the deepest part of your heart that they deserved it and were more talented than most the people you heard over the radio. For some reason, some childish idiotic reason, you figured they’d spend the rest of your lives being teenagers playing in bars around your small hometown.

Then one night after a particularly long show, all the boys panting and sweaty as they headed back to their dressing rooms, a man had approached them similarly to the way others did almost nightly.

You knew right away that something was different this time and your friends did too, watching silently as the group stopped in their steps towards the back rooms and actually begun to pay attention to what the man was saying. Heeseung’s eyes were flickering up to yours and you raised your eyebrows at him from where you sat at the bar, shifting out of your seat when he beckoned you closer with a quick flick of his fingers.

The rest of your friends followed you and all of you made your way back to the rooms with the band and the man.

He didn’t seem at all bothered by the additional people in the room as he started to repeat his pitch behind closed doors and your heart started to clench nervously when you realized why he seemed so different.

Min Yoongi actually cared about the music quality and spreading a proper message through your work and performances, opening his monologue with descriptions of how he felt hearing and watching the videos Riki had been posting online of the group and you watched as his eyes twinkled with a passion you’d only ever seen before from the boy sitting next to you.

His hand was resting on your arm and draping over your shoulder on the couch but he couldn’t have been further away from you in that moment, holding onto every word Yoongi was saying and leaning forward occasionally to enthusiastically agree with something he was saying.

It was a jarring change after seeing him barely give the other music people a second of his time for the last few months but you understood that they had this connection you simply weren’t capable of understanding, a mutual trust built through having the same dream and passion and by the end of the first meeting, even without anything even halfway confirmed, you knew things were going to change from then on out.

Yoongi didn’t have a lot of money to invest into the boys but he was dedicated to promoting them and helping them with levels of production you’d only get with decades of experience, upping their discography to even higher levels and it wasn’t long before he was proving himself right.

“Tour?” Your voice was breaking around the word Heeseung had just said, continuing his sentence afterwards but you hadn’t heard a thing he’d said after that, your ears ringing as your face paled. “You’re leaving?”

He was faltering at the unexpected upset in your voice and you would’ve felt guilty for not matching his level of enthusiasm but you couldn’t help the wave of panic overwhelming you as you continued to try and process what he was saying.

“Hey, hey Y/N listen to me.” His voice was soft and you could feel his hand reaching forward to touch and cup your cheek, softly swiping his thumb over your smooth hot skin and shifting on the bed so he was closer to you. “It would only be for a few months, then I’d be coming back. We’d all be coming back.”

You’d somehow not processed the fact that going on tour meant the other boys would be also leaving with him and another wave of sickness swept over you at the realization you’d be losing most of your friends in one swoop, the most constant and positive thing in your entire life since you’d met them.

“I don’t want to leave, baby you know I’d never just leave.” He was quickly continuing when he realized he’d made it worse and your eyes shot up to him at the use of the pet name falling from his lips so casually despite never hearing it directed towards you before. He didn’t even seem to notice that he had said it and he was continuing on despite the surprise on your face. “But… I mean this is it.”

His words were vague but you knew exactly what they meant.

This was the end of the road for the life you’d been so happily living because despite how content and happy you were watching them play small and intimate shows, Heeseung had this hunger for more that would never be satisfied in a place like your hometown.

He didn’t mean to break your heart of course and you were definitely at fault for stupidly falling in love with a rockstar, falling victim to the oldest cliche in the book as you sat at the bus station and cried into Joonie’s shoulder. You watched as their tour bus got further and further out of sight before it was turning a corner and disappearing with all of them on it.

Things were the roughest they’d ever been for the first few months the boys were gone.

Your typical routine had been shattered and you were back to existing like a corpse, moving around from one task to the next with no real excitement or purpose. You’d never necessarily gained one but being around somebody as passionate and driven as Heeseung was like getting a secondhand high and you’d been riding the wave of his interest for the last year, now alone out at sea and stuck scrubbing the counters of a coffee shop in the small downtown area of your city.

You tried to write for the first month or two but eventually it got too hard for you to handle and you started to let Heeseung’s letters pile up. He’d still call your home phone but your mom stopped letting you know when he did and sometimes you’d hear her softly telling him that you weren’t feeling good and she’d have you call back later. She never brought it up and neither did you.

He’d call Heejin and Riki too and sometimes you’d hear his voice when you were talking to Sunoo on the phone. He’d went with them on tour after Yoongi had asked him to be their official team manager, giving him more time to handle the business side of things while Sunoo dealt with their personal schedules and issues. You’d listen to your friend lie and say he was talking to his sister and you’d thank him softly as he sighed and asked why you couldn’t just talk to your shared friend.

You didn’t know how to explain that Heeseung was something you needed to get clean from and hearing from him in small doses would make it ten times harder for you to function.

It was too much to say that his letters kept you awake all night crying as you read about how much he missed you followed by random sketches and song lyrics he was writing about you. They wouldn’t understand why you dropped a full plate of food the first time you heard them on the radio at work or why you stayed up all night to see their first actual interview on TV.

Eventually people stopped mentioning the band to you or at least spoke like the main guitarist and face of the group didn’t exist. It was easy enough to avoid for the first six months and then the articles started to roll out.

The boys hadn’t come home after their first tour and they were “temporarily” staying out in New York where there was more of a network and better opportunities. Part of you was grateful Heeseung hadn’t moved back to town, knowing you’d run into him eventually but you couldn’t stop thinking about him regardless considering the news being put out with his name on the headlines.

“That’s his third fight this week Sunoo.” You were spitting over the phone, balancing it between your shoulder and ear as you aggressively scrubbed at a dish that’d already been clean for the past few minutes. “Aren’t you supposed to be keeping them in check?”

“You don’t think I’m trying Y/N?” His voice was exhausted and desperate and you felt bad immediately for snapping at him, knowing your real anger didn’t result from him. “I have no idea what to do, I’ve never seen him like this.”

All the boys had been subject to some controversy as they continued to gain quick fame and admirers but like always, your brain was laser focused on Heeseung. He was getting into drunken fights routinely and being reported with multiple women who may or may not be fans who like to kiss and tell, photos of him and the other boys looking worse and worse each passing weekend as their rockstar lifestyle truly blossomed into an absolute disaster.

Eventually you started to find yourself ignoring the news again, becoming accustomed to it and already knowing what it was going to be every time Riki sighed entering your job and slid a magazine in your direction.

Three years passed like this and while you had stopped crying every night from how much you missed Heeseung and your other friends, if you could even consider them that considering the lack of communication over the years, you still felt that empty feeling in your skin as you robotically went about your routines and lifeless activities that didn’t hold any real purpose or grand result.

At the end of the third year, stretching into a point where you’d been away from Heeseung longer than you were ever with him, Heejin had told you that the band was back in town.

She’d called you and hesitantly let you know that she had run into Jay at the local grocery store a few hours ago, citing that she hadn’t thought much about it until she was back at her tattoo shop and thinking about you possibly running into one of the boys for as long as they stuck around this time. You’d thanked her for the heads up and then buried your head into your arms in upset, both at how little distance was between you and Heeseung and also regarding the fact Sunoo hadn’t even bothered to tell you they were around.

Half of you expected it, knowing you weren’t teenagers anymore standing in a cold concert line and he didn’t owe you any update on his whereabouts, clearly not telling Heejin either considering her shock upon seeing a familiar face.

Joonie however seemed to know all about it when you hesitatingly mentioned it over lunch with her and Riki after he’d asked you why you seemed so on edge. “Well it’s been on their tour show list for like four months.”

“And you didn’t think to tell anyone?” Riki was voicing your thoughts before you could and his face was curled up in annoyance and betrayal as he shoved a fry into his mouth, clearly just as caught off guard as you and hurt considering he’d also gotten close to the members before they’d left and he was friends with Sunoo for as long as you.

“You always tell me not to talk about them in front of Y/N.” She was whining out and you glanced at the younger boy who looked slightly sheepish as she said something he clearly meant to keep private.

She wasn’t necessarily wrong and you’d grown to realize being around her was going to be hard considering how big of a fan she remained of the band even after their decline into scandal, simultaneously acting like any other fan girl and somehow also constantly bragging to others about how she knew them personally before they’d blown up. Maybe she had mentioned their return at some point but it’d been years since you started to tune her out.

“So they’re not staying?” You were finally speaking again, your voice weak and curious and she gave you a knowing look before nodding and patting your hand.

You weren’t sure why you felt overwhelmingly disappointed that they’d eventually leave again despite the fact you planned to spend the entire time they were here avoiding them and hiding out in your apartment. It was probably for the same reason she was giving you a pity filled look and Riki was picking at the skin around his nails.

It only took a few days for Joonie to push the limit on how much of her interest in the band you could take, answering her late night call to hear her hysterical as she screamed over the sound of passing cars and told you she’d completely stalled on the highway and was going to miss the show.

You told yourself that you began immediately putting on your shoes and grabbing your keys because you were a good friend and you kept repeating it in your head the entire drive to her location, swearing over and over that it had nothing to do with putting yourself closer to Heeseung. Even after her and her two friends had gotten in your car with his face on their tshirts, you swallowed your tongue and promised your heart it wasn’t for any other reason.

It wasn’t because you wanted to see the thousands of fans outside the arena, the show being on the nicer side of town and twenty minutes away from the venues they used to hold small performances for.

They thanked you continuously as you parked and then Joonie was pulling you aside to guilty whisper that you’d need to get your parking validate to be able to leave and return to pick them back up. A wave of nausea rolled over you but you were still convincing yourself you didn’t care so you swallowed your sickness and gave her a tight smile before following them outside the car.

“The booths over there.” She was telling you once you’d gotten inside and she had a wide smile on her face that matched her friends, clutching her ticket and practically beaming with excitement. “So we’ll see you at 11:30?”

“Mhm.” You didn’t trust your voice enough to speak and not give away how you were feeling so you hummed out a response to her question you barely processed before watching them squeal and walk towards the actual check in and entrance.

You rubbed your fingers together anxiously before glancing to your right and sighing seeing the line of people waiting to get their parking validated, teenage girls who looked like they barely could drive mixed in with dads and boyfriends who looked just as exhausted and irritated as you were starting to feel.

For a second you considered just leaving the girls there and asking Heejin or Riki to pick them up afterwards so you could drink yourself delirious and forget you’d ever been this close to the band but your heart clenched thinking about them having to experience the same thing and you told yourself again that you were trying to be a good friend.

You’d been standing in the line for twenty minutes, holding onto your last strand of patience and curiously listening to the fans around you talking about the boys with so much awe and wonderment.

You couldn’t help but smile at some things, hearing them gush about Jungwon’s cheeks or rave about how sexy Sunghoon’s newest guitar was and you felt a bit stupid for the pride filling your chest. You’d been avoiding them and their music, never listening to anything they’d put out in recent years but you felt happy for them knowing they were still igniting that same excitement in people even if they seemed to have lost the passion themselves.

It was almost exactly twenty one minutes later when you were feeling something tap against your shoulder, whipping your head to the side to see who had bumped into you before freezing up completely.

He had a mask on and a hat almost covering his eyes but you knew immediately who it was, eyes widening as you looked at him and then glanced around your surroundings to see if anybody had recognized him too.

“The fans don’t pay much attention to anyone without an instrument.” Sunoo was saying and you could hear him smiling even if you couldn’t see most of his face, breathing out a sigh of relief and pulling him in for a hug before you had a second to think about it.

He accepted it immediately and you were grateful that he wasn’t being distant with you despite the fact that was all you’d shown each other in recent years, melting into your hold as your eyes pricked with tears considering how much taller and thinner he was now. Sometimes when you thought of the boys, they were frozen in time and still teenagers in your head and you felt a bit dizzy as the illusion broke right in front of you.

“How’d you know I was here?” You were whispering out into his chest and then pulling back to stare up at him in amazement, scanning over his covered face.

“Sunghoon saw the hundreds of messages Joonie had sent… she actually had the guts to ask him to pick her up after her car stalled.” He was explaining and you felt embarrassed for your friend even though Sunoo was laughing like it was something funny. You got annoyed with her behavior but she was still your friend and you almost felt offended for her knowing they’d all been laughing at her attempts to reach out, no matter how baseless her connection with them seemed on their side. “We figured that you would’ve been the one to answer her calls.”

“We?” You were asking the second the word fell from his lips and a flash of regret passed over his face. “Do they all know I’m here?”

“Except for him.” He was explaining and you felt his hand squeezing your arm to try and calm you down, a flash of familiarity running through you at the feeling despite slowly recognizing the boy in front of you less and less. “But I imagine one of them is going to slip up sooner or later.”

You were nodding in understanding but your heart started to thump with anxiety and you were grateful that the arena was so full, hoping Heeseung wasn’t dumb enough to run out into a waiting room of fans to try and see you.

“I have to go.” You were practically forcing the words out and your face was pulling into a grimace as you said them, feeling short of breath and dizzy as your past and present finally started to collide despite your years of effort. “Can you…”

You were gesturing towards the parking validation ticket in your hand and he glanced down at it before looking back at your panicked eyes and nodding softly, squeezing your arm one more time before he was taking it and giving you the go ahead to get out of the arena before your chest exploded.

You didn’t know exactly what to say to him, you weren’t sure if this was a see you later or another long term goodbye and he seemed to be thinking the same thing, nodding again when you smiled sadly at him and took a few steps backwards.

Nearly losing your footing as you turned around, you were dizzyingly making your way out of the arenas main center and pushing back out into the chilled air. Your lungs tried to suck in deep breaths and you hurriedly made your way back to the parking garage but you were failing miserably and you eventually gave up all together, pausing in your quick strides and resting again the building with your eyes shut tight.

It wasn’t at all quiet, fans still gathered outside before the show and traffic beeps and honks as people tried to get in and out of the busy area, but your head felt empty and shut down.

The sound of footsteps approaching you crept into your dizzy brain and you took a deep breath before looking up, somehow already knowing who it was going to be without so much as a glance. He was stopping a few feet away from you when you looked up and your legs felt weaker as you stared at him in silence.

He was wearing a mask and a hat like Sunoo and whilst you’d been disappointed earlier about not being able to see your old friends face, now you were extremely grateful for the coverage. It didn’t help much considering you could still see the most recognizable part of him, his big eyes blinking at you in shock.

“You don’t look that surprised.” Heeseung’s voice was shockingly similar to how it was last time you’d heard it in person, the tone only slightly deeper and the only major change being the lifelessness behind his words as he watched you stand up straight.

He was right, for some reason you weren’t at all shocked to see him in front of you but he was in the same spot as you considering he came to find you in the first place. “Should I be? You’re here aren’t you?”

You heard him scoff softly before he was turning his head to look around the area, handful of fans still wandering around but slowly starting to disperse as they made their way insides to find their seats and buy the merch. He was glancing back at you quickly and then he was reaching up to take his mask off.

He didn’t say anything for a while after he took it off and you just stared at him, scanning over his face and the difference that time had handed to him. His features were a lot sharper now, growing into his nose and ears perfectly and you once again were hit with the reality that you’d been apart for a long time and the boy you knew was long gone.

“Sunoo validated your ticket.” He was starting to speak suddenly, awkwardness seeping into his tone due to your prolonged silent stare and you watched him dig into his pocket to retrieve the crumbled up piece of paper the parking machine had given you. “He got busy so I just brought it out.”

“He got busy?” You questioned and took a step forward away from the building, taking it from him swiftly and wincing when your finger brushed against his. “You’re the one in the band.”

He didn’t say anything to that, clearly lying about why he had been the one to bring the ticket out but making no move to correct himself or attempt to be honest with you. You didn’t really mind considering you were in a similar boat, having no real reason to rest again the building like you had other than buying yourself more time in the area.

“You’re not staying?” He was asking and his voice broke slightly which caused a large frown to form on your face, not sure why he had to even ask considering you both knew you weren’t going to watch his show.

“I’ll be back after to..” You awkwardly trailed off and lifted your hand that was clutching the parking ticket, indicating the reason you were there and watching him carefully. “Are you nervous?”

He tensed up as the familiar words fell from your lips and you felt like the air stopped moving for a second before he answered. He’d heard it asked thousands of times since it last was in your voice in that specific tone but it never bothered him before after the first year.

It was asked genuinely by other people, actually wondering if he was feeling nervous or at times doubting his abilities and using it as a way to get under his skin. Nobody ever made the simple question feel as important as you did and he understood why now that he was older and had plenty of time to think about it. You asked him, not because you thought he was or you figured he wouldn’t be able to handle the stage and the pressure, but because you knew it ignited a fire in him.

You’d ask him just to hear him repeat back in a firm voice how excited he was, to see that passion flare up in his eyes and give him an opportunity to voice some solid self confidence before he got up there to perform.

You knew right away that the phrase brought him back as far in time as it did you but your stomach turned at the blank look on his face, nothing arising to the surface at the triggered memory and instead he almost looked like he was deflating as you stood there.

“I’m just… tired.” He was eventually muttering back and clearing his throat before anxiously scratching at the back of his neck, both of you knowing the weight of his unusual answer and preparing to cripple under it once you were out of the suffocating hold his gaze had on you.

The both of you stood there for a few seconds longer before you could hear the screaming getting louder from inside, his head turning towards the building before looking back at you with a defeated expression. You knew without him saying it that he needed to go and that same feeling you had with Sunoo started to creep up again, not knowing what type of goodbye this was.

“There’s a second show tomorrow.” He was rushing out and then chewing on his lip ring as he avoided your questioning gaze. “You’ll be on the list.”

He glanced at you one more time but he seemed to understand that you weren’t going to give him a definite response, nodding his head in conclusion before he was turning around and jogging back towards the side entrance of the arena.

All the air returned to your lungs once he was finally out of sight and then immediately left again once you broke into a heavy sob, stumbling back a bit before quickly gathering your emotions and trying your best to hold yourself together.

You were quickly wiping your tears and glancing around to make sure nobody had been a witness to your abrupt meltdown, reminding yourself why you were there in the first place and heading back to your car like your world hadn’t just been taken off pause.

——

It had only taken you two seconds after the invitation fell from Heeseung’s lips to decide that you were going to go to the show.

He had said it like it was a question but the look in his eye told you that he didn’t think you’d come, but he still had invited you and that stupid part of you felt like that had to mean something. You’d had Riki pick the girls up from the concert that night and you ignored Joonie’s calls and the countless uploads she’d had from the concert.

You didn’t need to see the boys performing like nothing had happened, like your entire life hadn’t been flipped outside down with just a few sentences from the boy you’d tried your hardest to forget about the past few years.

It was a bit hypocritical considering you were currently back at the same exact place you were running from yesterday, this time walking in the opposite direction of the parking validation booth and awkwardly approaching the ticketing line. You felt like an idiot telling the staff that you were on the list, seeing their annoyed expressions and knowing they must hear it a dozen times a night from fan girls trying to get backstage.

“Nice try but there’s only ever been one name on the list and trust me, that seats never been taken.” The man was talking to you in a bored tone and your heart clenched at the implication of what he was saying.

You wondered if it was something Heeseung had done at the beginning of the tour in case you decided to come to one of the shows but he knew you well enough to know you never would and you certainly would never stride in the place without a ticket expecting to be on the list.

Eventually you figured that he had put you on there with the hopes that one day he’d have the guts to invite you and your heart shattered a bit more thinking about the fact that he never did, never even attempting as far as you were concerned and aware of. You cleared your throat awkwardly and rummaged in your bag to pull out your ID and hand it to the man silently.

His eyes flickered down to it for a second before looking back up at your face and you saw a wave of shock come over him, immediately followed by embarrassment for doubting you in the first place.

You gave him an awkward half smile and then an appreciative nod when he was stepping aside and allowing you to enter the main performance area. You were pausing at the top of the entrance way, eyes scanning over the large arena and feeling a bit sick considering how many seats were there and how few of them were empty.

You were starting to regret showing up and preparing to turn around and head back out before the show started but you were snapped out of your panic when your phone was ringing in your pocket. You were snatching it out in hopes that it was one of your friends trying to calm you down but your eyebrows furrowed when you saw it was an unknown number.

Finger hovering over the decline button, you had half the mind to consider the fact it might be Heeseung and you were answering it and putting it to your ear before you had a second to think about it.

“You actually came.” You immediately tensed up when the voice was filtering through the speaker, different and raspier but you knew who it was from the first word.

“How do you know I’m here?” You were dumbly asking and glancing around you like he was going to be standing in the shadows somewhere, frowning slightly when he laughed into the phone.

“He told them to alert him immediately if you ever showed up.” Jake was saying as an explanation and halfway confirming your suspicions about how long you’d been kept on the list despite never coming or reaching out to them. “And you’re finally here.”

“I’m not staying.” You were saying quickly and a rough edge seeped into your voice, something you hadn’t had last time he knew you but he also hadn’t been so cocky and demeaning last time you spoke to him so you were equal in that sense.

He was sighing softly and you paused at the sound, not expecting him to sound so defeated. You’d spoken to Jake more than the others over the years, only a few times but he had come home once or twice to visit family and it was hard to avoid him considering he actively was seeking you and the others out each time.

You weren’t really sure why he kept coming around and eventually you realized that he didn’t seem to know why either, looking more and more lost and less like himself every time you saw him. Jake was always so carefree and happy to be around that time you’d all spent together, genuinely seeming like he felt lucky for all of you and the music they were making together.

This new version of him was the most jarring to you out of everybody else because he had gotten sad and then he had gotten very very cold, almost angry every time you saw him and always feeling like he was on the edge of snapping.

You imagine that helped him out on the stage and you finally felt like he fit the rough drummer image that had been given to him by fans and media despite never making that connection yourself when you had known him. So to hear him sigh softly hearing that you were planning on leaving before they even performed, you were stopping in your tracks and finding yourself willing to hear him out.

“He doesn’t know you’re here yet and he’s driving himself so insane that he’s sick in the bathroom.” He was saying in a lower tone and you imagined that staff and other members were around him considering how soon the show was going to start. “No one can get him to come out but I have a feeling on who might.”

Tears were filling your eyes as he spoke about Heeseung’s condition but you were shaking your head in denial despite the fact he couldn’t see you, wiping your face with your sleeve before whispering back to him in a shaky tone. “I can’t do this Jake.”

“Please Y/N.” He was quickly retorting back and he sounded so similar to how he used to that you felt floored. His tone was genuine and filled with concern for his friend and you’d almost forgotten what he sounded like when he cared about something. “All these years you haven’t answered him, please don’t leave yet. Atleast get him on stage and then you can go and I’ll make sure he can’t find you for the rest of the time we’re here.”

Your breath was catching at the last half of his rushed statement and you were covering your mouth for a second with a shaky hand. It took you a few breaths to think of what to say and he stayed silent on the other line throughout it.

“Promise me.” You were mumbling out and clutching the device so hard you were worried it would crack, hearing nothing on the other side for a bit as your stomach bubbled with thick anxiety. “Promise me you’ll keep him away from me after this.”

It went silent again and you were almost positive that he had hung up the phone before he was speaking again in a defeated tone. “I promise.”

——

If you had gone back to the week before and told yourself that you’d be standing in a room with all of your old friends, you would’ve probably hid under the counter at work and begged future you to leave you alone.

You were trying your best to not showcase the fact that you were absolutely freaking out and filling with more and more devastation every time one of them spoke in their lifeless and annoyed tones, bickering behind you about the purpose of your presence and debating wether it was a good idea or not to allow you to be the one to try and gather Heeseung.

“He invited her for a reason Hoon.” Sunoo was sighing in your defense but he didn’t seem optimistic about it either, barely sparing you a glance since you walked through the door and anxiously checking his walkie talkie every few minutes to try and update the staff.

“Because he saw her yesterday and it fucked him up, he’s not in his right mind.” Jay was snapping before Sunghoon could answer for himself and you flinched at his loud tone, taking a step back when he was standing off the couch and throwing an arm in your general direction to emphasize that it was your fault.

You were frowning deeply at the accusation, not understanding how it could possibly be your fault that Heeseung was having a melt down especially when they didn’t seem that rare for him, his general anxiety and mental health another constant topic in the tabloids.

They continued to argue and you did your best to tune them out while simultaneously trying to ignore the fact Jungwon was silently staring at you from the corner and Jake was only a few feet away from you with his arms crossed. He hadn’t said much to come to your defense but he was continuously shooting you glances like he was trying to monitor your reactions.

You might as well have been in a room full of amped up strangers, possibly high as they paced and jittered about and a part of you felt like you were grieving now that you knew there would be no way to pretend things were still the same, no more pretending time was frozen and nothing had changed.

“Have any of you been able to calm him down this entire time?” You were suddenly asking from near the wall and it was the first time you’d spoken since you’d gotten in there.

The reaction was immediate and varying from each boy, half of them tensing up and looking more frustrated at the sound of your familiar voice and the others almost instantaneously losing the tension in their shoulders with softened eyes. It was like they hadn’t fully processed you being there until you spoke, talking around you in hypotheticals like you imagined they’d been doing over the years.

You wondered if you were a topic they were supposed to avoid mentioning like Heeseung had become for you. Then you selfishly wondered if they’d missed you at all.

Nobody answered for a while and then Jungwon was shaking his head softly, holding your gaze with a sympathetic look that caused you to nod in understanding. “Isn’t it worth a try then?”

“We have 15 minutes.” Sunghoon was saying in that same cold tone he’d been using but it held some level of defeat this time, slumping back into the couch and saying no form of the objection he had voiced so quickly earlier.

You were being directed to a hallway suddenly by Sunoo and before you could say anything or ask why he was ushering you out, he was hastily pointing to a door and scurrying off back towards the dressing room. You didn’t necessarily need him to explain, hearing the soft sobs and gags coming from behind the door now, but you wished he had given you a bit more time to collect yourself or think of something to say.

You took a deep breath and decided to not stall and try to gather some of the might you had the other night, pushing through the door and pausing once you were on the other side of it.

“If I have to tell you to fuck off one more time I’m going to get everybody in this shitty arena fired.”

Heeseung’s voice was coming from one of the stalls and your entire body locked up at the sound of it, never hearing him quite so angry before but also never hearing him sound so empty and wrecked. He was clearly holding back his sobs now that somebody was in there but you could see one of his leather boots poking into the stall next to his, laying on the floor and most likely clutching the toilet.

You were approaching the plastic door without saying anything and tugging on it softly once you were close to it, your fingers curling around the top of it and pulling it towards you with a small shake.

Heeseung’s words about the arena being shitty weren’t necessarily incorrect considering the lock on the door was immediately budging and it was flying open towards you, revealing you standing behind it to his swollen eyes and allowing you to see his frame curled up on the floor in a sickened despair.

He looked beyond surprised to see you and you were almost worried he was going to throw up again just from the shock of your arrival, his body locking up and then immediately tensing even more when you were taking a reluctant step inside the stall with him. You may have been practically strangers with a heavy history now but you still knew Heeseung better than you knew yourself most days and you felt that same comfort and familiarity as you always did.

So you were sinking to the dirty floor across from him and sighing softly, letting your head lean against the wall of the stall and glancing at him hesitantly.

“You came.” He was finally breathing out and his voice sounded tight because of your close proximity, not necessarily touching but the closest you’d been in almost half a decade. He was struggling to sit up but he eventually managed and stretched his legs out in your direction, both of you sitting in the same position across from each other.

“You invited me.” You whispered back to him with a small sad smile that was slipping away as fast as it came. “I was on the list.”

He didn’t laugh but you could tell he appreciated your attempts to lighten the situation, eyes softening slightly at the way your shoulders raised into a small casual shrug.

“What’s happening Heeseung?” You were asking him but you both knew what it was already and you felt just as sick as he looked as you said his name, almost feeling like a swear word as it fell from your lips naturally. “Why are we here right now?”

“You…” He was pausing as his voice shook and you watched him closely, not missing the way he was avoiding looking in your direction and instead staring down at the shaky hands that were picking at his fingers in his lap. “You stopped answering the letters, you wouldn’t talk to me anymore.”

Your shoulders deflated as he spoke in a hurt voice, clearly being bothered by your lack of communication and not at all understanding why you had done it in the first place. You admit that it was a bit childish on your side to completely cut him off without a final conversation but you knew Heeseung would never just let you go like you needed.

“It was only supposed to be a few months Hee, you said you’d come home and you never did.” You tried to keep your tone less accusatory than his but you were also extremely hurt by what he had done.

You’d spend the entirety of your time with Heeseung making him your source of happiness and that was your first mistake because he was always bound to leave. He was always set after something much bigger than your town could ever offer but you guess a stupid part of you thought that you would be enough for him to stay.

You didn’t want him to give up his dreams, it was the entire reason you fell for him in the first place but you just wished time could stay frozen in that summer.

It’d been years and you still could feel him sitting next to you, never smoking with the others because you didn’t even though you knew he did it when you weren’t around. He was always supporting you like that and even though neither of you ever said it out loud, you knew he loved you too. It wasn’t his fault that he loved music more and you could never compare to the feeling it gave him but you tried your hardest.

Sometimes you thought it was working, when he’d come over after practice and you’d lay together in your backyard with its overgrown grass. You’d feel it tickling against your bare skin when you laughed at a stupid joke he made and rolled in the other direction clutching your stomach.

Other times you were once again hit with the reminder that he was only temporary, you’d see him zone out listening over and over to tracks he’d been producing or his eyes would go wide with amazement any time you went to a show that wasn’t his.

And you were completely right about him being temporary up until now, watching him sit across from you with that broken expression on his face that made you sick every time you locked eyes with him. You weren’t sure what exactly started his decline, you felt guilt for playing a large part in it but you didn’t think it would be much difference if you had stuck around his life anyways.

Maybe you would’ve begged him to come home when he started going to star filled parties, too many drugs to avoid and too much pressure to fit in to not indulge. Maybe you would’ve called Yoongi and demanded for a hiatus, giving you some time to come see him or bring him back home for a week or two to calm him and his system down.

Maybe you wouldn’t have ended up on the dirty floor of a public bathroom where he was vomiting his guts out just a few minutes ago. You could’ve been back in your long grass or pressed next to him on his dads old couch, still just as young and just as silently inlove with the boy with pretty pink hair and eyes so wide and amazed you couldn’t help but drink them in.

“I would’ve stayed.” He was finally forcing out the words necessary to snap you from your thoughts, the words you’d been considering for the past few years. “If you told me to stay I would have in a second.”

“And then what?” You were retorting quickly but your tone was weak and sad instead of bitter and iced over, shaking your head softly and giving him another sad smile and humorless laugh as you considered the option. “We grow old together with you secretly hating me for ruining your dreams, I live with the guilt of making you do that.”

“I could never hate you. Nothing could ever make me hate you, trust me I’ve tried.” His tone was the opposite of yours, aggressive and nasty as he spat out the words like they burned but you knew his anger wasn’t directed at you necessarily.

You let the two of you fall into an unfamiliar silence, giving him time to collect himself before he accidentally said something he’d eventually end up regretting even more than he already was.

He didn’t say anything either and he seemed to understand what you were doing, sighing out a shuttered breath before he was scooting forward across the floor until his knees were knocking against yours. You glanced up at him and your face fell at the exhausted look on his face, leaning forward similarly until you could wrap your hands around his and squeeze them tightly with your thumbs rubbing over his calloused skin.

Heeseung was sucking in a breath at the feeling of you touching him and then he was breaking into small hiccuped sobs that left you feeling heavy and lost on what you could do to help him.

You were letting yourself sink back into the past when you were moving forward even more so you could pull him closer towards you, his upper half practically in your lap now as you cradled his head and softly pet his damp hair that was dyed black now and messily falling into his eyes.

Your own eyes were falling shut and you were resting yourself on top of him, half hugging each other and half just giving up and letting the weight of his body and yours combine into a mess of limbs and heavy sobs. It was making you feel both better and worse, feeling him so close again but not knowing if it was the last time and also holding the knowledge that you’d missed such a large portion of time with him like this.

It wasn’t possible to get back everything you’d missed, it wasn’t possible to rewind and start over and you weren’t sure there was any way to prevent this amount of hurt anyways.

You could’ve asked him to stay with you all those years ago but then you’d never see that light within him again and you know it would always be on the back of his mind, his fingers and heart always aching for more than what you could give him and you’d stay up countless nights regretting making him give that up for you.

Maybe if you had answered his letters, picked up his relentless calls and heard him out when he didn’t come home. He could’ve had a good reason or maybe just hearing him finally say he loved you would be enough for you to handle the impossible distance.

So many what ifs that you’d never get the answer to because you weren’t there and you’d never get back there again no matter how much your heart still held onto the past and your love together.

Instead you were here and this was where the road with him had led you, cradling each other as the crowd cheered for him outside and it fell on your deaf ears. You knew he wasn’t going to let you go and you weren’t going to make him, you weren’t going to make him choose again and you didn’t know if that would be enough this time but you listened to him cry and prayed it would be.

Heeseung sung out a choir of sobs and gasps into your chest and you knew you would stay with him for as long as he needed you too, until his cries died down or your legs went numb.

Until the cheers fell into silence and the fans went home for the night disappointed, at least holding the knowledge that the music would still be there tomorrow.

You still weren’t positive that he was really here with you and he still felt as fleeting and temporary as he did when you first had met him, wide eyed and stuttered conversations. It was only a small flicker of hope and comfort that your love for him was the most permanent thing you’d ever experienced.

And that small flicker was more than enough for you.

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sevensymbols · 1 year

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THE ANTICS

summary: your first year at college is boring and uneventful. that is until you meet a boy named Jaemin and his model friend Jeno. warnings: SMUT SMUT SMUT with some angst and fluff sprinkled in, sorta inexperienced reader, dom!jeno, manhandling, jeno is a soft dom at first but turns into a mean dom, spitting, spanking, unprotected sex, the plot is kinda rushed bc let’s be honest that’s not what we’re here for word count: 4,8k read on ao3 instead

“Seriously Jaemin, how am I even going to fit in there?”

College wasn’t as fun as you thought it would be. You were excited to start your “new me,” excitedly waving your parents goodbye as you left with your suitcases to study in a big city. But as it turns out, college is not fun and neither are your roommates.

You met Jaemin, a self-proclaimed “math-wizard” (it was a lie), during your social studies lectures. You became friends mainly because he just wouldn’t shut up when he sat next to you. You quickly found out he’s an engineering student, although it was quite questionable as to how he got in the university and he lived in a private flat with his two roommates, who you have not met yet.

You quickly learned that getting rid of Jaemin would be very tough, especially since it seemed like you two were destined to bump into each other everywhere. And at the end of the day, he was much more fun than your roommates. He would disrupt the lectures quite often with his snarky comments and he would make you skip lectures just to do something he deemed to be fun.

His newest idea was for you to skip your evening lecture and go with him to his roommate’s fashion show. That is when you learned his roommate was a model, trying to make a name for himself.

And that is how you found yourself in the lobby of the venue where the fashion show was held, pushing down the hem of your new dress you bought on the way there with Jaemin, who bought a tuxedo. You paid for the dress already wearing it and you’ve never felt so embarrassed.

“You look great,” Jaemin states, looking you up and down. “You’ll fit right in.”

“I don’t know...” you trail off, pulling down the hem of your dress again. You should’ve bought something longer.

“It’s fine,” Jaemin says, patting you on the back like a bro, ”let’s go.”

Unsurprisingly, you were not allowed in the main venue, because you were not invited. Instead, you opted for the smaller venue next to the main one where you could technically witness the whole thing as well, just not very close.

Suddenly everyone got quiet and soft music started playing from the speakers. You held your breath as you watched the first model walk down the runway.

He was tall, with dark hair and sharp eyes. The main point of his outfit was clearly the open back, which was muscular, and he was also wearing black leather heels. You’ve never seen someone so masculine yet so feminine, with a commanding yet friendly aura about them.

Jaemin leans closer to you and whispers. “So... that’s our Jeno.”

You clutch your purse and swallow thickly. Holy fucking shit.

You found out soon enough that the reason why Jaemin has brought you here was not because of the show itself, but mainly because of the after party. There was so much alcohol, so many interesting people around... it all felt like a fever dream.

“Jaemin, how the hell did we end up here,” you ask, looking around. “aren’t we too poor for this place?”

“Shh, no stress!” Jaemin waves you off. “Look, there he is!”

In front of you stood the tall man that opened the show, Jeno. He wasn’t wearing the beautiful backless piece anymore though, he was now in a blazer, his chest out for the world to see, muscles glistening in the purple light. When he saw you and Jaemin he smiled warmly and approached you.

“Hi there,” Jeno says, holding out a hand for you to shake. “You must be ___.”

“That she is,” Jaemin answers for you. “You have no idea how long it took me to convince her to come.”

You hit his arm playfully. “Hey!”

Jeno chuckles, a low, deep chuckle. “Well I’m glad you did, it is nice to finally meet you. Jaemin talks about you quite a bit.”

Now it was Jeno��s turn to get hit by Jaemin. “Not true!”

“Honestly, I can kind of imagine that,” you admit, chuckling as well. “This boy never shuts up.”

Jeno smiles, poking Jaemin with his index finger. “So she does know you pretty well.”

“Guys, stop ganging up on me,” Jaemin whines, throwing his head back. You and Jeno laugh and you can’t help but feel butterflies in your stomach.

This is going to be a long night.

After a few drinks and an embarrassing performance on the dance floor, you, Jaemin and Jeno head to their shared apartment. Their other roommate is apparently not home yet for you to meet, but you also feel like you’ve met enough people tonight already. Jaemin offers you to sleep over and you accept, changing from your dress into one of Jaemin’s t-shirts, which he hands you after fist bumping you so things aren’t as awkward.

It is 3:32 when you stop trying to fall asleep on the couch. Your whole body hurts. You open your eyes to see a dim light coming from the kitchen. You get up and shuffle towards the kitchen, where you see Jeno sitting on the counter, drinking. He is still in the same clothes he wore to the afterparty, his chest still glistening in the dim light. He looks unreal, sculpted by the Gods, and your heart skips a beat.

There is no way you can come near him alone.

You turn around to leave back to the couch.

“Can’t sleep?”

You turn back around and Jeno’s eyes meet yours, that sharp gaze you saw at the fashion show now replaced with puppy dog eyes.

“Yeah,” you admit, twirling your thumbs. There is an awkward silence which Jeno breaks by asking you if you want a drink as well. “Yeah, why not.”

Jeno gets off the counter and pours you a whiskey too. “Come sit next to me.”

You do so, hopping on the counter, and you are met with his sweet cologne. If this was your cue to faint, it was pretty on point. You take a sip of the whiskey, the alcohol burning at the back of your throat as you search for a conversation starter. “So how long have you been a model for?”

Really? Is that the best you could come up with?

“Ever since i was sixteen,” Jeno explains, taking a sip of his drink too. “My mom saw the potential, I guess. She used to take me to different agencies all over the country. Then I signed with my current company and I have been travelling as a model ever since. Though I mostly work here in the city and not abroad, keyword yet.”

“I see.”

“Now let’s just get this out of the way,” Jeno suddenly says, finishing his drink, now facing you. “Are you and Jaemin-”

“NO!” you shout, quickly covering your mouth. As much as you’re aware of the effect Jaemin has on others around you, the jealous looks you get when you two are hanging out, you could never see yourself being with someone like him. “We’re just friends. I mean I know what it looks like kinda but at the same time he’s like a bro-”

Jeno shushes you by pressing his index finger to your lips. “In that case, can I just say you looked so fucking sexy in that little dress of yours last night.”

Oh my God.

You choke on air, eyes growing wide. “I- I... I mean-”

He leans in so he is inches away from your face. “I want to kiss you so bad. Will you let me, pretty girl?”

You nod, and he crashes his lips onto yours. The kiss is needy, urgent and passionate. You can taste whiskey on his tongue and you are pretty sure he can taste it on yours as well. He threads his fingers through your hair, pulling it gently, before detaching his lips from yours and kissing down your jaw, to the shell of your ear, and then down your neck. You feel his wet muscle licking at your neck, his lips latching onto the skin. You whimper and that sound makes him groan and he momentarily returns to your lips to swallow your whimpers.

Your hands find his chest and you make Jeno shiver by running your fingers up and down, always stopping below his collarbone when going up and stopping above his pants when going down.

Jeno’s free hand squeezes one of your breasts through the fabric of your bra and Jaemin’s shirt. He gets off the counter and body rolls his crotch into yours, to which he has to cover your mouth because you let out a sinful moan.

“You are so hot,” he whispers into your ear and you really want to scream “YOU TOO” but his hands are everywhere and-

Suddenly the light in the hallway turns on and Jeno flies off of you. You’re still on the counter trying to catch your breath when in walks a guy with lavender hair. His eyes are half-closed and he is yawning with every step he takes. He takes one look at you and then at Jeno and points his finger at him.

“Is this your-” he trails off, squinting his eyes at the taller man.

“N-no!” Jeno explains, rather panicked. “She’s Jaemin’s friend.”

And that’s how you met Donghyuck, Jaemin’s second roommate.

The next morning, you are all eating breakfast in the kitchen. You’re seated next to Jeno - as per his request - aka raising his eyebrow at you and looking at the empty chair next to him - and you are listening to Jaemin and Hyuck bicker about something.

Suddenly you feel a hand creeping up your leg. You are still only wearing your underwear and Jaemin’s t-shirt, so the access to your leg is pretty easy. You look up at Jeno, who has his hand hidden under the table, caressing your skin.

“Don’t make a sound,” he whispers and smiles at you, but his smile is sinister, and you soon understand why as his hand slowly, cautiously rides up, up, even higher, until it reaches the waistband of your panties. You hold your breath as his fingers cross that barrier and start playing with your clit.

You squeeze your legs together and Jeno is not happy about that, slapping your inner thigh and pushing your legs open again. His fingers trace your slit before entering you and you have to pretend to cough to surpass a moan that is creeping up your throat. You can tell Jeno has a lot of experience by the way his skillful fingers plunge in and out of you and you can feel your inner thighs becoming wet with your arousal.

You look at Hyuck and Jaemin, who are still in their own little world, and you suppose you’re in yours as well. Suddenly the pressure is getting on you and you feel like seeing stars and it’s all too much-

“Excuse me,” you suddenly say, pulling Jeno’s hand off of you and fixing your t-shirt before getting up. “I need to use the bathroom.”

“Sure!” Jaemin smiles at you and returns back to his conversation.

As you are leaving, you can see Jeno licking his fingers and smirking in your direction.

In the bathroom you grab onto the sink and look at yourself in the mirror. Your cheeks are flushed red and you have to splash some cold water on your face to try and get rid of the hot feeling. Then you look around, grab a towel and start cleaning the arousal off of your thighs.

“That’s my towel, you know.”

You freeze. Not daring to turn around, you instead look at the reflection in the mirror to see Jeno leaning against the door frame. He walks in and closes the door behind him, grabbing you by the hips and pulling you towards him.

“Why did you run away like that?”

“I-” You cannot find the right words. “I’m sorry, I- I couldn’t come right in front of them-”

“Shh, don’t apologize,” Jeno coos, grabbing your face and pulling you into a deep kiss. Your face is hot again and your hands become sweaty and you don’t dare touch him. “You did so well for me back there, baby.”

Baby. Your knees were getting weaker by the second.

Jeno finally breaks the kiss and looks you deep in your eyes, grabbing onto the hem of the t-shirt you’re wearing. “I only wish you were wearing my t-shirt and not Jaemin’s. Next time, I’m gonna make you come so hard you will never think about anyone else’s dick but mine.”

“Next time?” you ask, squeezing the towel in your hands.

“Next time,” Jeno confirms, smiling at you. “Now let me give you my phone number and let’s get out of here.

Over the next few weeks you and Jeno text often. Just about your day - for you it’s usually a café photo or a picture of Jaemin sleeping during your social studies lecture, for Jeno it’s mostly a behind the scenes look at his work. You’re getting giddy every time his name pops up on your phone, even if its just a few times a day.

That is, until one day, you receive the following text message:

Jeno: Sorry, I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to keep talking to each other. Please don’t text this number again.

And just like that, you lose the one exciting thing about your college life. Sure, you still have Jaemin, and being with Jaemin is always fun, but you can’t help but think about what could’ve been with the tall, handsome model. You of course first think it’s a joke, but Jeno never ever replies to you again. You do not dare to tell Jaemin, he still doesn’t know about anything and you like to keep it that way.

Oh well. Life goes on.

A few more weeks go by since the faithful text and now Jaemin invites you to his flat again, this time he wants you to look after his new kitten as him and both of his roommates are going to be away for the weekend. You agree - there is nothing you want more than to get away from your own roommates.

As it turns out, looking after a kitten is much easier than you thought - mainly because kittens sleep just as much as adult cats do. You’re currently making yourself a sandwich and you can hear the TV from the living room playing the melody of your favorite reality show. You hum to yourself as you cut the tomatoes.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

You turn around, knife still in hand, only to see a pissed off Jeno. He’s wearing a long coat and his black hair is sleek, though it looks like he hasn’t slept in a while.

“I- I-”

“Who the fuck asked you to be here?” Jeno is mad, you’ve never seen him this way. The most problematic part of that is how much it turns you on.

“Jaemin!” you squeak. “He told me to look after Lyra.”

Jeno huffs. “Okay, well I am here now. So just leave.”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me. I said leave.”

You frown and decide to stand your ground. “No. I am not leaving.”

Jeno pinches the bridge of his nose and looks down at the ground. Then, a word slips past his lips, and it almost goes unnoticed by you. Almost.

“I’m sorry, what did you just call me?” you ask, gripping the handle of the knife.

Jeno looks up, his eyes shooting arrows at you. “I called you a whore.”

“Why the hell are you calling me that?”

“Because that’s all you are, isn’t it? A stupid whore.”

“You asshole,” you spit out, waving the knife around. “I am the whore yet you’re the one pouncing on me the second you meet me? I’m so done with you, Jeno.”

“Stop fucking pointing the knife at me, Jesus, woman!”

You drop the knife on the counter and focus on Jeno again. “I am right, aren’t I?”

“I never would’ve touched you if I knew what a worthless bitch you are!”

That one hurt. It may not have been the best comeback, but something shifts in you.

“Why are you like this?” you ask but your voice betrays you, cracking in the middle of the sentence.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Jeno asks like a villain in a movie, folding his arms. “I don’t want you in my, or any of the boys’ life anymore.”

“Jeno, please,” you’re begging at this point, falling to your knees and crawling towards the tall man. “I don’t know what I did to you to deserve this.” Tears prick your eyes and your throat swells up. You grab onto his pant leg, sobbing, looking up at him. “I’m sorry...”

Jeno scoffs. “You’re so pathetic, you know that?”

You’re still sobbing, a weak “please” escaping your lips as you feel the tears pouring down your cheeks. Jeno bends down so he is eye level with you and suddenly opens his mouth, his tongue sliding out and licking the hot tears off of your face.

Then, a kiss.

This kiss is reminiscent of your first one, it’s needy and urgent. Jeno completely dominates the kiss, holding your face so you don’t move. He licks into your mouth and detaches his lips from yours, both of you trying to catch your breath.

“Get up,” Jeno commands. You oblige immediately, as if under a spell, and he throws you over his shoulder before walking into his room. There, he lays you down on the ground, not the bed, and you look at him as he takes off his coat.

He is a beautiful man. He is devastatingly handsome, his sharp features perfectly aligning with his sharp gaze. He deserves to be worshiped, for his face to be plastered on every single magazine cover until the end of time.

Finally, he faces you again.

“Now let me make myself very clear,” he pauses, chuckling at your wide-eyed expression. “If you want to leave now, just say so. We won’t ever talk about this. But if you decide to stay, I will not hold back, you will take what I give you. No other man will ever satisfy you the way I will, tonight.”

He stands there and waits, hands in fists and knuckles white. He waits for you to say something, to get up and run away, yet all you do is let out a moan of the model’s name. You can’t believe how much of an effect this man has on you. Maybe you really are as pathetic as Jeno claims you to be.

“Fuck it,” Jeno sighs upon hearing it, rushing to you and kissing you again. He stops himself however, quickly jumping on his feet and clearing his throat. “Strip. I want you naked in 30 seconds.”

You gulp, quickly taking off your pants, your t-shirt and your bra and then your panties. Suddenly you’re very aware of the fact that he is still very much dressed and the cold air in the room creates goosebumps on your skin. Jeno walks up to you and whatever emotion is on his face, you just can’t read it.

“Open your mouth,” he orders and you do just that. He leans down a little, spitting into your mouth. “Swallow.”

You swallow, eyes still wide, looking up at the man in front of you. He doesn’t react and instead unbuckles his belt. He takes off his belt completely, ordering you to put your hands behind your back. He skillfully ties your hands with the belt and tests if you can move your hands or not.

“Jeno, I-”

“Did I tell you to speak?” Jeno shoots back, threading his hand in your hair and pulling on it. You don’t dare answer, instead you watch as he returns in front of you and pulls down the zipper of his pants. Pulling down his boxers, you gulp again at his size as his dick springs free. He is only semi-hard, but that is about to change as he guides it into your welcoming mouth. You suck on it, thinking of all the porn movies you watched and using your best techniques. “That’s right, suck that big cock,” Jeno groans, his fingers threading in your hair again.

You suddenly release his dick from your mouth with a loud “pop” and Jeno is about to protest, when you lick his balls, the base of his cock up to his tip. He lets out a moan, the first time you’ve ever heard him moan actually, and you couldn’t be more proud. Jeno suddenly grabs you by your hair and pulls you up, scooping you up in his arms and almost throwing you on the bed.

“Don’t think for a second that you’re the one in control here,” Jeno growls, grabbing you by your chin so you’re face to face. “It’s me who gets to dominate you.” He then flips you around so you’re on your stomach and spanks you hard.

“That’s for being a slut.”

Spank.

“That’s for thinking you’re the one who calls the shots here.”

Spank.

“That’s for fucking with me and making a fool out of me.”

Every spank was harsh against your soft skin, yet you enjoyed every second of it, your inner thighs getting coated with your arousal. However the last reason confused you quite a bit. “What do you mean-”

Spank.

“That’s for speaking when not spoken to.”

Jeno gives you one more spank, although he doesn’t specify for what. Instead he lowers himself on the bed so he is facing you again. “You know, good sluts say thank you.”

“Thank you... sir.” You add the honorific just in case that is what he wants, and it proves to be a good choice, because soon enough his fingers find your aching cunt, all swollen and dripping just for him, and he starts playing with your clit just like he did that one faithful morning. His fingers then enter you, scissoring inside of you to stretch you out for his cock.

“Do we need a condom?”

“No- I’m, I’m on the pill,” you whimper. “Please, I need to feel you.”

You thought the time will never come but finally you feel his tip at your entrance and you gasp into the sheets as he slowly pushes in. “Fuck,” Jeno groans, “you’re still so tight”. He then starts moving, slowly at first but soon enough picks up the pace and you can’t help but moan out loud.

He doesn’t punish you for it but grabs you by the throat, arching your back and pulling you towards his chest. “Take it. Fucking take it. Be a good whore and take it.”

Jeno then starts moving much faster, your groans muffled by his big hand on your throat. His free hand starts playing with your nipple and he growls into your shoulder.

“Jeno, Jeno, Jeno,” you’re chanting his name like a prayer and it seems like he doesn’t care anymore that you’re speaking without being asked to.

“This is how I like you. Just a bitch desperate to cum,” Jeno says. He flips you over on your back and continues his merciless thrusts, hand not leaving your throat. “Say you’re a whore. Say it.”

“I’m- I’m-” you whimper, so close to release. “Jeno, I’m going to cum-”

“No the fuck you’re not,” Jeno booms, and, if it is even possible, speeds up his thrusts. “Not before you say what a fucking slut you are.”

“I’m a slut! Fuck, Jeno,” you moan, wrists aching from being tied for so long, “I’m your slut! You fuck me so good!”

“That’s right, it’s me who fucks you this good. You’re drunk on this big fucking cock, aren’t you?”

“Yes, oh yes!” you yell, arching your back again. “Jeno, I have to cum, I can’t do it...”

“Cum for me,” he says and you do just that, releasing on his cock, your cunt spasming. He comes right after you, burying himself deep inside of you, before slowly pulling out and watching his cum seep out of you.

Your heart has never been beating this fast.

You’re not sure if it is because of the mind-blowing orgasm you’ve just experienced or if it’s because of Jeno. The tall man is trying to calm himself down, but you can see his chest rapidly moving up and down.

You lay next to each other for a few minutes, neither of you saying anything. It’s a weird feeling really, you’re used to cuddles after sex, or long talks about the universe, but not this. Suddenly, Jeno turns to you, his hair messy, eyes dark and focused.

“I think you should leave now.”

You wonder what to do next, whether you should plead with him or just simply walk away. The truth is, it’s a bit too late to be walking around alone. But you figure you can just call an Uber and explain to Jaemin what happened later.

Well, maybe not everything.

You get up from the bed slowly, not saying a word to Jeno, before putting your clothes back on. You’re almost at the door when you hear Jeno murmur “say hi to Jae for me.”

Your ears perk up. “Say hi to who?”

“Jaehyun? The dude you fucked at the frat party like two months ago, you know, when we were still talking?”

You couldn’t be more confused. “Who the fuck is Jaehyun?”

Jeno looks at you, a visible puzzled expression on his face. “Then why would he tell me you guys fucked? He said you were there and he let you suck his dick in the bathroom and then you let him fuck you in the guest bedroom!”

“Jeno, I don’t know what has gotten into you, but I don’t know anyone named Jaehyun. And any parties I’ve ever been to I have always been by Jaemin’s side. You can literally ask him, he’s your friend too, you know?”

Jeno gets up from the bed as well. “But then- but he-”

A lightbulb pops up above your head. “Wait a minute, you mean to tell me that you stopped talking to me because some random dude told you I had sex with him?? Do you realize how absolutely insane that is?”

“Wait, no, ___, I-”

“Seriously, Jeno? You couldn’t have asked, I don’t know, me, if was even true?”

Jeno is quiet, and for what feels like the first time, you have the upper hand.

“You know what? I’m done, go fuck yourself Jeno.”

You storm out of the room, Jeno quickly running after you. He catches up with you very quickly, grabbing you by the arm. “___, wait, let me explain myself.”

“No, I don’t think I will actually,” you say, trying to sound as calm as possible. You are thinking of how crazy it is that Jeno is now the naked one while you are fully clothed.

“___, please. I’ve fallen in love with you!”

You stop dead in your tracks now, your heart skipping a beat. “Huh?”

“It’s true, it’s fucking true!” Jeno screams, looking at you but not making eye contact. “I wanted to ask you out on a proper date but then I met Jaehyun and he told me you guys...” he trails off. “I got so mad. Finally I like someone so sweet and hot and- I couldn’t control my anger. I’m so fucking sorry, I wish I could go back and undo what I had done but I can’t.”

“Kiss me.”

Jeno is as confused as ever. “What?”

“You heard me,” you nod. “If you want us to make up, just kiss me.”

Feverishly, he grabs you by your shoulders, pulling you close to him and kissing you. Out of all the kisses you two shared, this one is maybe the most desperate, with Jeno kissing you like you were the last person on Earth, you clutching onto his elbows as you lean into the kiss. “I’m never,” he stops and kisses you again, “making the same mistake,” kiss, “ever again,” kiss.

You break the kiss and look into his wide eyes. “Then does that mean you’re not throwing me out of the apartment?”

Jeno intertwines his fingers with yours, pulling you back towards his room. “Not only are you not leaving, but we’re not leaving my bed until the morning.”

He pauses, seeing you in his room fully clothed and clearly realizes he’s been naked this whole time. “I, um...”

You smile. It’s probably the first time you’ve done so ever since your first encounter earlier. “I guess you shouldn’t be the only one naked here.”

Jeno smiles too, pulling you towards the bed and you both fall on it. “I guess I shouldn’t.”

“Round two?”

“You don’t even have to ask, baby.”

#jeno smut #jeno x reader #jeno #nct jeno #NCT #nct smut #lee jeno

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thewulf · 8 months

Text

Cowboy || Jake "Hangman" Seresin

Summary: Request - I was managing a gala and the theme was diamond and denim- so old rich people pretending to be cowboys with gaudy bling. And they hired a line dance teacher, and when I tell you this man had such Jake Seresin vibes!!!

A/N: Stop I had such a good time writing this one!! Sorry it took almost a month to get out but I hope you enjoy!!

Pairing: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x Y/N

Word Count: 2.5k +

“You’ve gotta stop stressing Y/N. It looks beautiful in here. It’s going to go well.” Your longtime friend and new coworker Michelle grabbed your arm as you frantically looked around the venue for God knows what now.

You let out a breath, “I know. It just has to go well. My promotion is kind of riding on the success of tonight. We need to bag this client going forward.” You let your anxiety out in front of her. You needed to impress the bosses tonight. You knew if you did they’d finally make you a manager. A position you’d been vying for.

“Relax, you’ll be just fine. You know what you’re doing. They picked you to run the show for good reason.” She squeezed your arm before dropping it, “Call me if you need anything. Try and enjoy the party.”

You laughed, “Impossible. But thank you Michelle. Couldn’t do this without you.” You walked off outside helping the florists set up the garden tables where dinner would be served.

“Excuse me.” A thicker than normal southern accent brought your attention away from the table you were placing the final touches on.

When you turned you weren’t expecting that to be there right in front of you. Handsome was an understatement. The man before you was drop dead fucking gorgeous. Not a single thing wrong with him. Who knew you had such an affinity towards literal cowboys.

“Yeah?” You asked trying your hardest to play it as cool as possible.

“Could you tell me where the,” He paused looking down at his phone, “main hall is? I’m here to teach the line dancing.”

You smiled wanting to tease him just a bit. Something told you he could handle it, “You don’t say?”

He pulled his cowboy hat off bowing a bit towards you, “Miss. My name’s Jake. Jake Seresin.”

Oh, this was just too good. Handsome as hell and a gentleman to boot? Your heart was beginning to beat faster and faster. You needed to answer him soon or things could get awkward, “Y/N. Nice to meet you Jake.” You left your last name out on purpose, “I’m the event coordinator. You stopped the right person.” Giving him a warm smile, you beckoned him to follow you with a wave from your hands.

“Isn’t it my lucky day.” He shot you a wink testing the water a little bit. He too found you painstakingly beautiful. And that smile sent his heart into a frenzy, just like yours. You were too caught up in your own head to notice any tells from him though.

“Mine too.” You opened the door for him to follow you through. Thankful for the small distraction not leaving your brain floundering. You weren’t usually one to flirt back but something was telling you to.

“You been doing this for a while?” Jake asked you interrupting you from your frenzied thoughts.

You nodded letting him catch up to your quick pace, “A few years now. I really like it. How about you?”

He laughed, “I do this in my spare time, when I’m off between deployments. I’m usually a pilot for the Navy.”

You grinned. Handsome as hell. Gentleman and he had an incredible job? He didn’t seem quite real. Taught line dancing for fun? It’s like you manifested him right then and there, “Aren’t pilots supposed to be in the Air Force?” You just had to tease him. You had a brother in the military and knew how sensitive they were to the mixing of the milarites.

A brief flash of shock crossed his face before he spotted you trying to hide the laughter behind your hand. A jokester you seemed to be. Somebody who liked to press the boundaries. Jake was used to being the one doing that. Not having that done to him. Not that he didn’t mind, it was almost too fun, “You got all the jokes there don’t you darlin’?” He smirked deciding to press your own boundaries right on back. He knew how his words affected women. How one look could get them second guessing their own actions. Jake was a pro, he knew exactly what he was doing.

Thank goodness you were wearing foundation, or the blush would’ve given you away all too easily. You were enjoying the simple flirty back and forth between the near stranger who pulled you towards him with such ease, “You haven’t even seen the half of it Jake.” Flashing him a sly smirk you opened the door towards the event halls ballroom where the activity was set up for the group. Surprisingly this event always seemed to be the hit of the corporate party year in and year out. You had a sneaking suspicion jake would be an incredible teacher and make the activity all that much better. He was so charismatic.

“Thank you.” He tipped his hat once more as you held the door open for him, “I like the sound of that.” He took in the room before him, “So, this is it?”

You nodded a small smile gracing your lips, not being able to hide it if you tried, “All yours cowboy.”

He laughed flashing you that gorgeous smile at the same time, “Careful now, I might fall in love with you if you keep talking to me like that sweetheart.” He took a small step towards you closing the small distance between the two of you. The tension in the air was so thick you thought you could swim through it. Your damn brain left you at quite literally a loss for words.

“Not that I’m not enjoying my time.” You knew you were rambling, were you even making any sense, “But I need to check on a few things. Are you all good for the 5 o’clock start?” You asked not daring to take a step away feeling the heat radiating off his body. He was so damn close you were sure he could hear your rapid-fire heartbeat.

“That’s a shame.” He removed his hat fully this time to get a good look at your face up close. He’d never seen someone quite like you. Beautiful. Clearly intelligent and driven. A mouth of a literal angel. Somebody he knew could challenge him but pull it back when needed. He just knew you were good. You were special. The universe put you in his path for his reason. He had to be sure to stop you before the end of the night. Ask you out or give you his number. Whatever you wanted, “Will I have the pleasure of teaching you Miss Y/N?” He asked once his eyes had fully scanned your face.

Shaking your head quickly you missed the quick flash of sadness in his eyes, “Oh, no. Not even you can perform miracles Jake. But I’ll make sure to stop in after you get started.”

He laughed shaking his head right back at you, “Maybe one day you’ll let me try.” He wanted to plant the seed in your head. Let you simmer on that thought for the remainder of the day before he got to talk to you again, “But until then. I look forward to seeing you again, Y/N.” He flashed you another gorgeous grin before turning away. Taking that tension right away with him as he walked to the front of the room to get ready for the group.

You let out the breath you were holding once you walked out the doors of the hall. You let you mind wander back to him and let yourself go on autopilot as you continued to get ready. Only Michelle breaking you from your mind got you out of that disassociated state.

“Are you alright?”

You nodded quickly, “Absolutely. More than alright.”

“Hmm?” She looked you over curiously as you finished perfecting the napkin at the dining tables.

“The line dancing instructor is a total flirt.” You didn’t tell much more before her normally bored expression turned into something much more devious. She’d always tried to get involved in your love life. This might be the opening she’d been waiting to pounce on.

“Is he cute?” She questioned, clearly very interested.

You nodded bashfully, “Terribly handsome.” You admitted not being that afraid to hide it. She’d surely go and check for herself at some point. No purpose in lying, she had eyes that could see herself.

“I’ll be back.” She smirked making a beeline towards the inside.

“No! Michelle.” You laughed pulling her arm to stop her, “Go in while the class is in session or something.”

She shook you off with ease, “I’m a worker. It’ll be easy. Give me five minutes.” She grinned. You let her go knowing once she had it set in her mind she’d be doing it no matter what.

She was gone for longer. No doubt getting caught in conversation with the friendly man. When she got back she had a sneaky little grin on her face, “Oh, he’s down bad for you Y/N.” She giggled.

You shook your head not really believing her because how could he? You were you and he was that. It just seemed incompatible, “Shush, he is not.”

“Then explain to me why he just played 20 questions with me about you?” She crossed her arms over her chest waiting for an explanation. You had none. Because why would he? You’d be lying if you said it didn’t bring a smile to your face.

Her smirk only grew wider in your silence, “Please just go see him later. I’ve got a good feeling about it. Please?”

You nodded quickly, “I was already planning on it.”

“Good.” She squealed with glee going back to the kitchen to finish the prep she left behind to talk to you.

You leaned against the door watching the group of people learn how to line dance from Jake. He was a natural. Flirty with the older women. Confident with young kids. Kind to the embarrassed teens. Bro’s with the boys. He could do it all. Who knew this was how you day was going to go?

Walking around the back you caught Jakes eye. Giving him a quick wave, you stopped to watch. Smiling as the joy from the group reverberated off the walls, no doubt thanks to Jake.

Not five seconds later you heard him speak, “Alright, try it for yourselves. I’ll be around helping.” And then he was making his way right towards you.

“You made it.” He spoke the second he stopped in front of you.

A quick nod brought your eyes right to his, “I did. I made a promise, didn’t I?”

You’d do anything to see him smile like he did right there, “You sure did. I’m glad you kept it.”

“Wouldn’t miss a chance at this.” You grinned referring to the class and to him. A double entendre per say.

He held out a hand, “Take another one then. Chance that is.” He winked sending a shiver right down your spine. You hoped he miss the goosebumps that rolled right down your arm. Should you? It’d only be a moment. It’s not like the client would mind.

Deciding to go for it you gently placed your hand in his, “Alright cowboy. But you have to lead. I don’t have a clue what I’m doing, and I don’t think there’s a bone in me that has an ounce of rhythm.” You let your insecurities flow out after seeing him dance so effortlessly before you moments ago.

He nodded pulling you, softly, right behind him, “Sure thing darlin’. Nothing to be nervous over. They’re all in their own little world anyway. It’s just you and me.” He tried reassuring you once he found a spot off to the side, careful of your reluctance to go towards the front.

“That doesn’t make me feel any better.” You admitted, sure the makeup you’d applied twelve hours earlier was long gone by all the sweating you’d done throughout the day setting the event up. The blush he made you feel was surely evident at this point.

He laughed grabbing at both your hands setting you up for whatever dance he was planning on leading you in, “I won’t let you fail. Trust me on that.” All you could do was nod up at him as you listened to him. It felt deeper, like it meant something more.

Smiling the entire time, you listened to both him and the music as you fumbled your way through the partnered line dance. You apologized and giggled every time you stepped on his foot or bumped into his side. He took it in stride smiling back at you. Bumping you back. Lifting you up so you wouldn’t trample your feet.

You were having pure, unadulterated fun with the nearly complete stranger who made you feel oddly comfortable. You clicked with him the moment you laid eyes on him and now the rest felt like destiny. For being as reluctant as you were you were surprised how disappointed you were when the music ended, and Jake dropped your hand. You shouldn’t have wanted him to hold it like he just was but here you were, pathetic.

“You’re a natural.” He smiled admiring you from the small distance he’d placed between the two of you.

You snorted out a laugh, “And you cowboy, are a liar.”

He shook his head taking the cowboy hat off now, “Embellisher of the truth. My momma would be awfully disappointed if she heard you call me a liar.” The smirk that crossed his face should’ve been illegal, it had your knees shaking for dear life.

You laughed it off though, nodding in agreement, “Sure, we’ll go with that. Embellisher of the truth.” A genuine smile came to your face as you conversed easily with him. It felt so natural. Incredibly different than anything you were used to.

He looked around a tad disappointed himself, “I hate to cut this short gorgeous, but I am being paid and people need some help.” Placing the cowboy hat on you he took a step back with a lopsided grin on his face, “Keep that. Maybe a little too big for you but it’s yours.”

“How do I look?” You stuck your leg out holding onto the hat with the other, posing a bit for him.

He shook his head knowing he needed to see you again, “More stunning than words can describe. You were meant for a cowboy hat.” He reached out giving your hand a squeeze, “Tell me when I can take you out on a real date Y/N?”

“You want to? Take me on a date?” You weren’t sure if you’d heard him right. All signs pointed towards they did but you needed to confirm. What a whirlwind of a day you were having.

“I’d be honored.” He grinned waiting for your response.

“How’s Friday night sound?” You asked sounding far too eager. But that same smile from earlier didn’t let you get too embarrassed.

“Friday sounds amazing. I’ll pick you up?” He asked sounding a tad more timid than he had moments prior.

“It’s a date cowboy.”

He smirked giving your hand one last squeeze before walking away, “it’s a date darlin’.”

Permanent Taglist (Message me or comment below if you want to be added!): @loving-and-dreaming @kmc1989 @memeorydotcom @matisse556 @buckylov3r @taygrls @ah-blossom @mayhemmanaged @hardballoonlove

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baby-girl-aaron-dessner · 5 months

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Hi, I’m glad you’re bringing this topic up without it feeling like you’re going to be rude—in fact you’re being kind about it.

I do wish she’d speak up on a lot of topics. I live in the south, but am not a “typical southerner”. I’m a queer liberal. I would’ve loved for her to say something about the reproductive rights that were taken away from my state the very week she played multiple shows here, but she didn’t. Or to have voter registration available at the venue.

But back to Palestine, which is an absolute genocide. I’ve been torn wondering if I’m simply wanting her to speak up on it because it’s what I believe is right—or do I think it would effect change? I don’t know the answer to that, but you seem better versed than I am, and I guess I’m hoping this is a safe space to ask that. What would we hope comes from Taylor speaking out about this? I am trying to think critically about this, so I hope you won’t see this as me disagreeing. I really do wish she would. I just don’t if what we’re asking of her would end up being performative for the public, or would it effect real change to save lives in Palestine?

Hi anon, firstly, I’m so sorry to hear that your reproductive rights were stripped from you and your fellow citizens. If there’s anything I can do to help – whether that be signing a petition or donating to women in need – please let me know.

Secondly, I do want to make sure this is a safe space for swifties (especially those of us who are minorities and often feel overlooked in the fandom) to express their thoughts because its important that we use our critical thinking skills as opposed to following someone blindly and without question (we’re not sheep, after all).

To answer your questions, “What would we hope comes from Taylor speaking out about this?” and “would it effect real change to save lives in Palestine?” there are 2 main points worth discussing.

Firstly, the most obvious point is that Taylor herself believes in activism and has stated that "I need to be on the right side of history". For reference, please see her Miss Americana documentary, her Rolling Stone interview on discussing white privilege as well as a bunch of other times she has made her stance clear (Tweets about Trump, interviews in her Lover era, her speech during Pride Month etc.).

Unfortunately, because she no longer participates in activism and hasn’t for a long time now during the peak of her career, it’s fair to criticise her previous activism during her Lover era as performative or selective.

It begs the question, “Does she no longer care about standing up for what is right?”

Secondly, to answer your question: yes, speaking out and doing the right thing matters and makes a difference. And there are three reasons for this:

The principle: to be on the right side of history

Safety of the oppressed (recently, Swifties have been caught committing hate crimes against minorities and doxing Palestinians)

It makes a difference (e.g. donations feed the hungry and poor, awareness leads to better voting outcomes which in turn leads to better policy decisions).

I’ve already spoken about the first point.

The second point is especially relevant following recent events where Swifties have harmed minorities (see below). In this case, it’s important for an influential leader of a powerful fandom to make their stance clear on a genocide so that innocent people don’t get harmed.

And the third point is that activism matters because it creates a real impact. For example, The Weeknd recently donated millions of dollars to families in Gaza which means people who are starving and are victims of genocide can at least be fed. Because Taylor is a billionaire, she has the capacity to spare a few dollars to feed those who are starving like her celebrity peers – Gigi Hadid, The Weeknd, Dua Lipa etc.

This is especially important for Taylor because the IDF and the State of Israel use her and her music in their PR strategies (see their post about her bodyguard on the social media account of Israel). This is similar to when Trump and the Republicans actively used her in their PR strategies and spoke about how much they liked her and so she became a darling of the extreme Right. That was until she came out and said she was against white supremacy and showed public support for the Dems.

Finally, as @placeinthisworld so eloquently put it, “friendly reminder you can love taylor swift but still be critical about her silence about politics and current events because tbh it’s pretty obvious where her values lie now”. Here are other Swiftie’s who are more articulate than me:

Anyway, I hope this answers the question of why her fans (including me) are disappointed in her decision to remain deathly silent on genocide.

#taylor swift #taylorswift #ts #free palestine #lgbtq #lgbtqia #palestine #gaza #activism

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harlowcomehome · 1 year

Text

“Win or lose.”

On the drive over to the arena Jack was unusually quiet, you knew that he had a lot on his mind. Everyone else in the car talked amongst themselves, but he was your main focus.

“You alright?” You asked as you leaned into him, whispering in his ear. He nodded, giving you a half smile. He was bouncing his leg up and down, a nervous tic he had when he was in his head.

“Win or lose, you know that doesn’t discredit how hard you’ve worked right?” You whispered, not wanting to draw any attention to the nerves that he already had.

“Yeah” he sighed “I know.” He grabbed your hand and kissed the top, giving you a weak smile. He hadn’t talked much about the Grammys the last few weeks and you didn’t push him to either.

“You don’t need an award to prove anything” you smiled, giving him a kiss on the cheek, leaning against him. He placed his head on top of yours, “I know, it would just be nice to prove some people wrong” he smirked in response, and you nodded, knowing how he felt about that.

“What’s up man?” Urban asked noticing the two of you had kept to yourself most of the drive.

Jack shrugged, “you know.”

“You’re coming home with something dude, no doubt” Urban reassured him.

“And if I don’t?” Jack sighed in response and it took you by surprise that he replied like that.

“You will” you replied.

“And if for some reason you don’t, you try again next year” Urban responded and Jack nodded in agreement.

It was finally time to get out of the car and go into the arena.

“You ready?” You asked with a smile and he let out a shaky breath but nodded excitedly.

When the two of you found your seats at your designated table you both felt a wave of relief, the seating was spaced out enough where you didn’t have to mingle much which meant the two of you would be able to talk more freely.

The rest of the team, had to sit in their designated area, but they understood and didn’t mind.

“Did you write a speech? You never told me if you decided to or not” you asked as you watched him nervously scan the room.

“I wrote down a few names, making sure that I didn’t forget anybody important” he smiled.

“If you had to write me down, I swear…” you teased and he laughed.

“How could I forget my muse?” He responded in true Harlow flirty fashion.

“There’s my guy” you smiled in response.

Bad Bunny opened the show, and you and Jack were immediately engulfed in his performance. The two of you standing up and dancing together, clapping along to the beat.

“He really knows how to put on a show” Jack commented as the two of you eventually sat back down in your seats, the two of you sipping from your ice water.

The rest of the night went on, when Jacks categories were announced you held hands, he was squeezing your hand but you didn’t say anything, you just winced and assumed it was what helped him hold it together.

At the end of the night, the two of you held hands, as you walked out of the venue to leave. He was quiet, and you knew that he was clearly devastated and disappointed.

He checked his phone, as the two of you waited for the rest of the team to catch up. His eyes were sad, and you were trying to find the right words to support him.

“Hey babe” you said softly and he slowly looked up at you.

“You know that you don’t need an award to prove anything right? I mean, obviously a Grammy award is the goal but it just wasn’t time yet” you reassured him.

“It took Leonardo DiCaprio 19 years to win an Oscar” you reminded and he laughed, which was a relieving sound to hear in the moment.

“Let’s just shoot for next year” he winked and you smiled.

“Sounds like a plan” you leaned in for a kiss, hearing the noise of everyone coming your way.

You just wanted to make sure he was okay, because regardless of the outcome he was getting an after party, even if it was just the two of you in your hotel room.

😉

#Jack Harlow #Jack Harlow x reader #jack harlow imagines #jack harlow blurb #jack harlow concepts

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accio-victuuri · 1 year

Text

MIDWEEK TREATS FOR TURTLES 💛

as the title says, for cpn loving turtles only. those who have high tolerance for sugar. don’t take it seriously. these are all coincidences and the universe playing with us, so have fun!

before anything else, happy 5 years to this! 🎉🎉

• There has been some talk about how WYB was fiddling with his jacket during the BTF press conference. If it meant he was A.) just fixing his clothes and we should stop overthinking B. ) trying to hide the necklace or C. ) he was drawing people’s attention to it / showing off. Well whatever it is, i’m just happy that he is wearing it. It’s not the main indicator of a “relationship” and shouldn’t be given too much attention, unless it attracts the wrong kind of attention. As a CPF, just appreciate it and smile. There is really no need to try and prove anything to anyone. We know what it means, those who don’t get it — let them be. I’m happy that he gets to keep this to himself 🫶 The puppy and his diamond encrusted bone! I mean it’s Yibo, what do you expect?

( please evaluate. i’m jealous of the bone necklace cause it’s always with yibo 🥹🥹🥹 )

• I didn’t know this but another numerology coincidence, patient #5 stayed in Room #18 in the ADLAD play. Lol. 18 = Yi Bo

• Fake rumor from here ( this is not LRLG or BX fake rumor house ) I like this one cause it features them both.

- starts with XZ talking to staff and someone saying he should sleep early, but ZZ says he can’t cause WYB is still driving ( going to where zz is i’m guessing ) 🥺🥺🥺🥺

- XZ and his team preparing to eat hotpot and ZZ said he already asked what wyb wants to eat. One of his staff was asking if zz needs help and he said no cause wyb’s team ordered it all. ( wyb really loves to spoil him with food )

and this exchange that looks and reads like a fanfic but since we know that what say to each other in real life is so much worse ( based on bts and interviews ) — then this is pretty tame. lol.

they are eating :

XZ: I want less ( food )

WYB : Don’t say that

XZ : Pretend to be angry

WYB: Love you

XZ: Are you mad at me?

WYB: Love you love you

can someone please slap them both? they are so sweet. XZ really be acting coquettish for yibo only. With everyone else, he is practical and super polite.

• People noticed among the flowers sent to the venue of ADLAD Shenzhen was an arrangement from Youku ( platform ). ZZ doesn’t have any drama or projects airing there recently so why would they send it? You may say that it’s professional courtesy but clowns like us would like to think of who Youku’s VIP spokesperson is. WYB is perfectly capable of sending his own, but it’s 👀 that a streaming platform that he’s not working closely with has sent flowers.

• This exchange between fans under a video of WYB. Someone commented and asked what OP was wearing and if it was something “sexy” cause yibo’s eyes are on him. Then OP answered, XZ’s husband ( wyb ) was looking because she was holding their children ( dolls ) lol

WYB could be looking at her for a different reason and we know how he goes Hengdian Hawkeye with the lenses and you will get photos of him looking straight at you. However my point is, the part about the dolls. Whether you like them or not, you have to atleast agree that it is something that will catch yibo’s attention. Especially if he sees particular ones in various events. Remember he saw some during HB, even held a BJD doll, so he knows that fans ( mostly cpf ) are bringing it. Add TaoTao’s post with his own Yibo doll. So I feel so somft that the “bringing dolls at events” ( and dolls as a show of support ) is now accepted. Yibo looks okay with it, i wanna say, he’s even amused. You can fight me on this but there is just no way that he doesn’t know that the paired dolls are not him and zz. especially zanbi in his bunny costume with that smile and a mole under his lips.

My dream is for him to hold a wyb doll dressed as Lei Yu. but he has to be careful too incase certain people get offended. So yeah. 🤡

and is anyone else thinking about how people from the media comment about yibo’s looks? like they can’t believe he is that handsome in real life. this is coming from people who should be used to seeing celebrities, but the way they describe yibo is next level. reminds me of XZ who called him Venus. He is right. The artist knows what true beauty is. It’s WYB. this is why no one can compare. To XZ, the question has already been answered, WYB is Venus. ( this is my favorite cpn, which is not really a cpn cause it’s a fact. XZ said it. lol )

• We might have a same city incidence this week! If it’s true that XZ will attend Gucci’s Cosmos exhibit in Shanghai ( opening 4/28 ). So if he does and WYB is in SH for BTF’s premiere / roadshow — well ☺️☺️☺️

- END.

#yizhan #bjyx #there is no science here i’m just clowning like i always do #this is for you who is already tired from work or school — hope this distracts you or cheers you up!

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hellkitepriest · 9 months

Text

ee @ exeter phoenix: not a review but a too-long tale

look, i really liked reading @blueberry-beanie’s write-up of her ee show so i thought i might throw myself at the task as well. here’s the probably-quite-boring-to-read tale of my trip to exeter with the inimitable @airbrushfather.

after getting there the night before (after i accidentally forgot to get off the coach and went to a random seaside town instead, which i then had to rectify by getting the train back up to exeter — never let it be said that i should be allowed outside) i woke up at 7am for no reason and decided to climb a hill in a park in the hopes it would tire me out again. it did not.

went back to the lovely little bnb we were at (when checking in the day before, i told the woman there i was there to see a band and she went “it’s not everything everything, is it” and It Struck Fear Into My Heart How Did She Know. she knew, of course, because danny had also mentioned them while checking in), got ready to go out. walking up the main road in exeter what did we see but the EE bus parked Right In The Middle Of The Road. the venue had a car park, lads. actually now i say that i’m not sure the bus could’ve gotten up the wiggly little hill to the car park.

anyway we were naturally frazzled by this so my next logical step was to go to the nearest bookshop and buy a rubik’s cube to soothe the soul. i am sure this action will not have any consequences whatsoever. went into build a bear so danny could buy a jumper for Jeremy The Frog. sat on a bench and fed a seagull bits of my cereal bar. these are the most normal actions we will undertake all day. i got the seagull to peck at the rubik’s cube.

i then drag danny to the park i was in earlier, which is lovely and separated from the venue by only a quaint stone wall. we are very near exeter castle, and i point out that this is a great place for a castle, actually, because the hill gives you a great vantage point for spotting your enemies. we sit in the park and i toss my rubik’s cube into the air and ponder whether or not rylan has a man bun. we do a very high pitched geordie accent for a bit. a man dressed for hunting and wielding a television aerial comes up the hill and we are briefly convinced he has a crossbow. a man who looks so much like jeremy comes up the hill and i am only convinced he isn’t jeremy because he has a tiny little dog with him.

i go to put some of my rubbish in a bin further up the hill. when i come back danny is looking at me like they have seen a ghost. they point, and surely enough, the real jeremy pritchard is having a casual little walk around the park we are sitting in. he is wearing sunglasses. as danny says and as i have not stopped thinking about: he walks like a girl sim. he looks happy to be in the park but we cannot work out what he is doing there. it is apparently impossible in my mind that a man can walk around a park with no goal but enjoying the beauty of nature. somehow i panic and start getting really into explaining to danny what a milkman is. i don’t know how they don’t know what a milkman is.

jeremy disappears. we feed more seagulls. i make a mashup of my number and tik tok by kesha. it is late afternoon by now, and i have learned that the cafe in the venue does cheese toasties, so we go there and learn they stopped serving toasties an hour ago. i eat some chips on the gay terrace. we can hear them soundchecking arch enemy. i say, apropos of nothing but the adrenaline in my veins, i feel like spiderman. i still am not sure what this means.

we find another hill to sit on, directly behind the venue this time, and we listen to them soundcheck. i roll down a hill in pure joy. what could be better and stranger than this? we stay here until it’s time to go in, and we both find four leaf clovers in the grass.

after waiting around in the venue briefly and danny spotting The Lads walking through a corridor we are in. we have claimed the spot i have planned for weeks: right in between jon and alex. a semi-accidental direct view of pete. it’s nice to see him, really. the openers, KLEN, look like they have all come dressed for different cults and something has gone terribly wrong. they are from cornwall. CORNWALLL!!!, danny and i yell. this is their name now. about halfway through pete comes out from backstage to watch them briefly. he has a man bun (like rylan doesn’t) and a naturally sad face. he is chewing gum.

he disappears. danny and i collapse on each other, laughing. at what? good question.

we watch pete set up his keyboards (i have read on facebook that he does it himself because he doesn’t want anyone else to fuck it up, and it’s not because nobody else will help him. this soothes me) and probably say some real Shit to each other. i cannot remember.

finally the bit you have all been waiting for:

everything everything take to the stage. they open with schoolin’ and my glasses fly off backwards into the crowd because i’m so into it. a kind woman rescues them for me. i sing very loud about the train and the wall and the druids.

you’ll all be pleased to know that jon was on Peak Smugboy Form — “we’ve put a load of Man Alive in the set, i hope that’s alright” yes of course it is shut up. he was having such a good time! what a man. jeremy was doing The Most, as we have come to expect from him. alex was being quietly strange and doing his guitar faces, as we have also come to expect from him. he only had one guitar, the burnt one (He Plays The Guitar That He Fixed That Got Burned In The Fire), and i was a little sad about the lack of modular synth or the Gibson ES 335 (the red one, you all know her). mike was drumming politely in the back and doing his drum concentration face. occasionally he would look over at pete, who was grooving very intensely on the keyboards in the fascinating way that he does.

they played tin!! you know how important this is. they played jennifer, too, but i was too distracted watching jon to be sad during it, for reasons. mid-gig, i set up a group chat with @shallowtboy and @karlschumann89.

i am sure you will all understand.

after the gig they are signing copies of their lyric book — danny buys one despite already owning one and we join the queue for signing. on the way to join the queue, we walk past them all. jon looks at me and points at me and goes 🤨🫵. i am sure this is equally strange for both of us. exeter is a long way from where we both live and i had bumped into him TWICE in the past month.

when we get to the front of the queue the security guard removes me from the queue on account of not having a book to sign, but danny drags me back over a few seconds later. jon looks at me again. “we keep running into each other,” he says, which is certainly one way to put it. “IT’S THEIR FAULT,” i blurt, pointing at danny, despite the fact i booked tickets for this before i knew they were going (and before jonathan higgs was able to fucking recognise me).

there is still a rubik’s cube in my trouser pocket.

possessed by some sort of spirit, i turn to alex and ask “can you still solve rubik’s cubes?”. he looks confused. as you would. “only i’ve sort of got one with me, and…”

i hand him the cube. everyone is very amused by this, particularly jeremy, who eggs him on throughout the whole process. “this might take a while…” “don’t worry, we’ve got time,” says jez, looking at his watch and laughing. the security guards would beg to differ. they are not pleased about this turn of events. “it’s well scrambled,” alex says at one point, and i think this is the highest compliment i have ever received. i am amazed by how quickly alex can still do this. he’s really going for it. the rest of the lads keep signing books but he’s lost in his cube reverie. eventually he solves it and hands it back, and we all laugh, and then danny and i have to get out of there QUICK before we can be told off for holding up the line any further.

i have video evidence, but i am not sure any of that actually happened.

#everything everything #best post #<- for i will want to find it again

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villainessprefect · 1 year

Text

title: The Game We're Playing and You're My Target

summary: Idia has three hours to survive at a party. Easier said than done. At least he can hang out in the garden...with Azul? Yeah, Azul is there too.

ship: Idiazul

word count: 2,643

Read on AO3!

Parties are a total war zone. All the extroverts are running around, greeting each other, and participating in mindless mingling. For an introvert, it means avoiding as many people as possible. After you give your forced introduction it's time to make a getaway. There's no time to hang around out in the open and wait for those normies to pounce on a poor soul.

Thankfully, all Idia needs to do is survive for three hours. The counter started the minute he stepped foot onto these overly fancy grounds and he made sure that the second his time was up, he'd disappear. It's not like anyone would miss him anyway. That excuse is easy to use to try and slip away earlier, but he can't after making a promise to Ortho.

"Just for a few hours? Please, Idia?"

When Ortho gave him those pleading eyes, he couldn't say no. And boy does he regret it.

On the bright side, he knows the venue inside and out. When prepping for the big night, Idia made sure to know all the secret getaways, the hidden hallways, the backdoors, any where to get out of the bigger and more populated areas for the night. And that helped with his first hour.

Idia only promised to be at the party, not to socialize.

The voices of people he could care less about were all drowned out by the music blaring through the speakers. Even while out in the gardens, Idia could hear the annoyingly modern music. As much as it wasn't to his tastes, it did provide as nice background noise. Wandering through the garden, he found a nice spot to relax. A secluded area that he doubts anyone would venture out to. It might not be as ideal as finding an empty bedroom to hide in, but it was better than nothing.

As Idia takes a seat on the white marble, golden eyes glance over to the main building. He huffs.

"I don't need to be with those normies," he mutters. "It's not like they need me to be there anyway. My tablet would have just been fine and I could have remained as some mystery character. The top-tier characters get all the attention anyway."

It's easy to imagine Vil stealing the show. An SSR character like him is in his natural habitat in a place like this. Plus he has the beauty to flaunt while being on stage for a crowd. Honestly, the school should have only sent him instead of all the housewardens. But, whatever.

A hand plays with his blue flames. His hair had been put up to look...decent instead of its usual mess. It's fine, he doesn't mind it, but he hated the looks he got on the way here. With his other hand, he whips out his phone. His gaze automatically goes to the time. An hour and a half left. That gives him time to grind before a game resets for the day.

"Agh, I should have just let this run on a script at home..." He murmurs. "Could have gotten some more EXP."

Idia sighs as he finishes the usual tasks. He could do more but it's monotonous and repetitive if he isn't doing something else. And the only other thing option is going back inside while letting this run. Yeah, no. Not doing that. It doesn't help that it barely ate a few minutes off the clock.

"My, my, I should have known I'd find you out here."

"Eep!"

Idia is quick to jump to his feet. Hands gripping his phone for dear life as he steps away from the source of the new voice.

"Azul?" He relaxes once their eyes meet. "I didn't know you could jump-scare someone. What are you doing out here?"

"Enjoying the scenery." Idia scoffs. "What? Don't believe me?" Azul says with an obviously feigned sad expression. "Even I have to escape from the scene every now and then."

"You? Make an escape? The only reason you'd get away is if you were losing at your own game."

"You wound me, to think I'd ever let that happen."

Idia hates that he has to agree with him on that. Azul knows people, knows what they want, and knows how to get what he wants from them. As far as he's aware, Azul has never failed in making a deal. His completionist stats were always 100%.

"There's a first for everything..." Idia mumbles as he returns to his seat. Not even this interaction took up a few minutes. When had time ever been this slow? Not even his MMO updates were this painstakingly long.

Idia doesn't think to give Azul any more attention, not until he hears the other's footsteps. Heels click against the tiles leading toward him. He sighs and looks up.

"Your brother would be disappointed seeing you out here."

"Erk!" Idia winces. That was a critical hit! "Y-Yeah..." He gulps. "W-What are you going to do? Tattle on me like some middle schooler?"

"I'm not that petty. Of course, I'd only resort to it if necessary."

Idia frowns, not liking the sound of that.

"How about this? Offer me your time out here and I'll remain silent about your failure to your brother's expectations."

"I think even he has low expectations for me..." Idia says. He knows otherwise. Ortho would be cheering him on every step of the way. But being in there? With so many people? No no no no. He needed to take baby steps first. Get comfortable at housewarden meetings, maybe go to a school event without needing to run off. Being thrown into a party was just like sending a level 1 newbie into the final boss's lair. "Do what you want."

"I'll take that as a yes."

With that, Azul takes a seat beside Idia. He sits close enough that their legs nearly touch, leaving only a small space between them. Neither seems to mind, both are comfortable with each other to be this close. Idia fiddles with his phone, trying to be preoccupied with something to make the time tick by faster. If only downloading a new game wouldn't take so long then he could at least have something to do. He's close to resorting to doing a ten-pull on his previous game out of pure boredom. He doesn't even like the current character's banner, but he wants something to do.

"If you're that bored, you know we could always do something while we're out here."

Idia hates how Azul picks up on his habits. Perhaps he'd been too obvious by swiping back and forth on his phone, or he just knows how he is. How long have they known each other? And how long have they been hanging out outside of class and club activities? It's hard to say.

"Like what? Touch grass?"

"While I think that is something you should do," Azul pauses as he gets to his feet. "Perhaps a walk would be better? That wouldn't hurt."

Idia is about to decline but sighs. He feels like he's lost this game before he's even started it. No excuse could get him out of it. So, he silently puts his phone away and stands.

He lets Azul lead the way. Idia keeps his head down, hands in his pockets. Despite the formal attitude needed for a party like this, he doesn't feel as tense as he should. If he were inside, alone, and surrounded by too many normies, he'd be having a heart attack. But out here? Being with Azul and the comfort of the cool air, and silent winds. It's comforting. He's not alone as he would like, but he feels at ease with Azul.

They pass by a small pond, one decorated with intricate statues. It reminds Idia of a game, a save point area specifically. The music was really pleasant, a gentle piano tune drifting through the air. It brought a sense of comfort after a long and hard fight. He remembers searching for the song immediately and putting it in a playlist for a later day.

"You're smiling," Azul points out.

"Eh? N-No I'm not!" Idia is quick to cover his mouth with his hand and turn away from him. Azul chuckles.

In an attempt to gain some distance between him while getting rid of his little embarrassment, he makes one mistake. A misstep. He hadn't calculated the difference in height between the pond's outer marble layer and the grass, thus leading to his ultimate downfall. He feels his body begin to fall, gravity pulling him down to meet his demise. If this is how he's supposed to go out, then it's a pretty lame way to go. A tragic and uncool death by falling into a shallow pool of water and hitting his head while all dressed up.

Didn't this happen in a game once? Would Azul be suspected of murder? Why couldn't he have just stayed home tonight? Is Vil singing that one song he did at the SDC right now? Why does he know that song? Were Azul's eyes always so pretty?

Whoever said your life flashes before your eyes before you die is a liar because his mind is running a mile a minute about everything else. Then again, he isn't dying. Or falling.

Something, or rather, someone, had stopped his ungraceful death. A hand grips his with all its might and then yanks him forward. It's so sudden that his mind goes blank. Especially as his body collides with Azul's.

"Idia," Azul breathes. His pretty ocean-like eyes were on him. "You should be more careful where you step."

Idia gulps, unable to speak. His heart racing from his (not) near-death experience and being so, so close to Azul. Their bodies are still pressing against each other, their noses only inches apart, hands still clinging to each other.

What kind of flag did he just raise? More importantly, how did he end up in a route like this?!

"Are you okay?" Azul asks, tone softer than earlier, gaze too.

"Y-Yeah!" Idia squeaks out, finally finding his voice. His hair flicks wildly, flashing pink at the tips. He unintentionally squeezes Azul's hand for support. He tries to find his footing now that he's processing everything and finds Azul's other hand placed carefully against his back, keeping him in place.

"Trying to escape me now?" Azul hums with a teasing look. That soft and trustworthy look is gone. Maybe he was imagining things- did Azul really look concerned about him earlier? "After I just saved your life too?"

"Th-That's the worst outcome. If anything, I just ruin my outfit and have to leave earlier than I'm supposed to."

"Oh? Perhaps I should allow you to test your fate then." To tease him, Azul tips Idia back. His hold is firm, but Idia can't tell if he's being serious or not. In a panic, Idia lets go of his hand and wraps his arms around Azul, clinging onto him for dear life. Even if he would like to go home early, it wasn't worth looking like a wet mess in front of Azul.

"D-Don't!" He yelps. Idia glances back to the water to make sure their distance remains the same. When he's certain that Azul isn't going to throw him back, he lets out a sigh. And then it hits him.

Idia is practically embracing Azul. While his arms remain around the other boy, he pulls back enough to catch Azul with pink cheeks.

"You're so bold, Idia," he says. He's trying to sound confident, but his tone lacks the same finesse it usually carries.

"I-It's not like..." Idia bites down on his lip. Azul's grip has loosened and he can escape from him if he wishes. But he doesn't.

"I don't mind this," Azul breathes.

"Huh."

"This. Being here with you." Azul mumbles and boldly press forward, destroying the little space between them. "Perhaps you enjoy it too? That's why you don't mind me out here. Or being in my arms."

Idia fumbles for an excuse. His mind tries to think of something, but this sudden event is leaving him with nothing to work with. There was no filled heart gauges in his vision or options that clearly led him down this route. But now he's here. And instead of being the protagonist, he feels like he's the capture target. Literally.

All he knows is their lips are about to meet. He can feel Azul's breath against his skin. Smell that sweet lavender that has a hint of the ocean he comes from. At this close, he can really see how his eyes sparkle like the waves of the ocean, the moonlight making them shimmer at just the right angle.

"I-If this continues...I-I'm going to ruin this night for you," Idia mumbles just before their lips can meet. His hands grip tightly onto Azul, fingers digging so deep into his blazer that it might just rip. Azul's hesitation upon hearing him speak is enough to let Idia turn his head to the side. Pink flames end up grazing his lips instead. "Y-You don't want that."

Azul huffs and pouts. He's upset by the sound of it. What did he do to upset him?!

"And what do you know about what I want, hm?" Azul raises a hand to grip Idia's chin, making the other boy face him. Tears prick at the edges of those beautiful golden eyes. As embarrassed as he may be, those tears don't help his situation, if anything it's a pathetic sight that Azul loves dearly.

He grins, proud, and then presses his lips against his cheek.

"The only thing you can ruin is the win streak I have against you," Azul whispers into his ear. He feels the other shudder and clings onto him with a little whimper.

"Azul..." Idia feels weak in his hold. Hot, bothered. His body might just overheat at this rate. It makes him feel like he should do something, reciprocate, at the very least. But no matter how many times he clicks on the action icon, his body doesn't move.

And then his phone explodes with an obnoxiously loud song.

With some amazing force, Idia manages to free himself from Azul. His time here was up and he didn't need to be in this final boss round any longer. Idia doesn't even mumble an apology as he makes his escape. All he wants to do is get out of here and set his thoughts straight.

Azul sighs and puts a hand on his head, rubbing it. He knew 'conquering' Idia, as he would have put it, wouldn't be easy. But tonight was a perfect chance to try. He even factored in a time limit, which is why he excused himself fairly early from the party. The only thing he didn't factor in was Idia having an alarm for his departure.

It's even worse that he can still hear the tune. He wishes that he could silence it forever, and ban that single song from all of Octavinelle while he's at it.

A light on the ground catches his attention. The source of the music comes from it as well. Azul bends down to pick up Idia's phone. With a press of a button, the garden falls silent. As he sees his own reflection against the phone's screen, he chuckles.

"There's a tale just like this, isn't there? A princess running away from a prince yet leaving behind something important." Azul hums as he pockets the phone. He's certain that Idia will figure out it's missing sooner or later and this is a piece of technology that he needs. Azul knows Idia. He knows the other will try to hide from him, but with this little bargaining chip, perhaps they'll run into each other sooner rather than later.

#twisted wonderland #twst #idiazul #azulidi #idia shroud #azul ashengrotto #idia x azul #ignihyde #octavinelle

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loveon-venus · 1 year

Text

𝚃𝚛𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚗 𝖑𝖊𝖆𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖗. 𝙱𝙸𝙻𝙻 𝙺𝙰𝚄𝙻𝙸𝚃𝚉 𝚡 𝚁𝙴𝙰𝙳𝙴𝚁

Pt.2

Awkward

I see the guys mouth moving frantically. I can’t make out anything that he’s saying so I grab his hand and pull him into one of the V.I.P rooms in the venue. Then I let go of his hand and I look up at him.

“You’re really tall….anyway you where saying?”

He looks at me stunned and quickly stammers to say something

“U-um sorry for grabbing you like that I just didn’t want you to fall and- oh god I’m making this awkward”

“Awkward?…”

I look him up and down. His posture making him come off confident and seductive rather then what his tone of speech could lead you to think. I stare at his face analyzing his bone structure.

“Um hello?”

I return to my senses and look at him directly

“Ah sorry I got distracted…if you don’t mind me asking what’s your name?”

“Bill, Bill Kaulitz”

You have got to be fucking kidding me- I analyzed Bill Kaulitz’s body structure and I didn’t know who it was how stupid could I be?!

“Wait lead singer of Tokio Hotel right??”

“Yup that’s me”

He smiles widely.

Damnit his smile is perfect in person too

“Sorry for staring at you like that you know just like fashion stand point-“

Fuck now I’m making this awkward..

“It’s okay I understand! especially sense my style is close to your designs”

I nod and look up at him until we get interrupted.

“HEYYY Y/N! Oh- looks like you found yourself your boy toy~”

I glare at her until I notice someone following her.

“Oh hey Tom”

Bill waves towards him as I look at them back and forth.

You have got to me kidding me…both of the kaulitz twins are here…AND WHY LAST TIME I CHECKED THEY HAVEN’T GONE TO ANY FASHION SHOWS WHAT THE HEL-

My thought process immediately gets interrupted by Ally throwing a god damn bottle at me.

“Drink up bitch you look like your one second away from exploding..”

“Thanks Ally”

She try’s to pass me a bottle opener but I just open it with my teeth.

“Y/n I swear to god you need to stop doing that OR ELSE YOUR GOD DAMN TOOTH IS GONNA POP OUT”

“Please shut up..”

Bill’s POV

“So it looks like you did meet your little crush”

“Yeah well so did you”

I grab one of the bottles Tom is holding, open it and take a couple of chugs.

“Slow down there you’ll do fine plus it looks like they’re already interested”

I look over to them as I do they quickly turn away while Ally shakes her a little smirking at her.

“You think so?”

“I know so! Anyway I’m mainly excited going back to Ally’s hotel room tonight~”

I look over at him. He looks back at me then he moves his eyebrows up and down.

“I highly doubt that…”

“Really?!”

“Yeah”

“Just you wait Bill just you wait..”

“HEY YOU TWO GET OVER HERE!”

“Ally please your getting loud…”

“NO Y/N I THINK YOU NEED TO GET LOUD!”

“No thanks”

I walk over to them and sit next to Y/n. Tom sits next to Ally as he smoothly puts his arm around her.

Damn he actually got her-

Y/n’s POV

“Looks like Ally got her boyfriend”

He looks at me a little confused.

“Oh it’s just that Ally has a big crush on your brother she’s had it for a while..”

“Really?”

“Mhm”

I drink my bottle and finish it.

“Do you want another?”

“Oh it’s okay I can get it myself-“

He doesn’t even let me finish my sentence before he passes me another.

“Thanks”

“No problem”

He smiles at me and I just stare at him my face slowly getting hot luckily Ally notices and saves me.

“Oh Y/n come with me really quick!”

She grabs my hand and yanks me away from Bill.

“Wait here boy’s well be right back!”

She walks me to the bathroom and pushes me inside.

“Alright bitch I know you feel confident as fuck when your high and you’re more flirty”

She says as she rummages through her bag.

“And honestly you need that right now before YOUR boyfriend loses interest”

I forgot to mention Ally and I are actually huge Tokio Hotel fans which is the main reason for our styles Ally: streetwear Me: gothic/emo/a little grunge. Which is why me and her are exposing ourselves to Bill and Tom. She’s saying I like Bill to Tom I’m saying she likes Tom to Bill so then they tell each other that later. Or at least that’s what we’re hoping.

“Here take it and light up whore”

She passes me a pipe that’s already packed and a lighter. I do as she says and we pass it back and forth until we finish it.

“Okay how you feeling?”

She asks me trying not to smile

“Bitch I feel great! and I have an ideaaaa!”

“Oh really what is it?”

“Just follow my lead”

I walk out the bathroom and head towards the actual party and grab a couple bottles of liquor and four shot glasses. We run back into the V.I.P room where Bill and Tom are at.

I run into the room laughing as Ally closes the door.

Bill’s POV

I was telling Tom that Ally likes him and He was telling me that Y/n likes me. Until we hear the door slam shut as Ally and Y/n laughing.

“ALLY YOU LITERALLY ALMOST ATE SHIT”

“COME ON YOU KNOW I DONT DO WELL IN DRESSES”

“Neither do I but you don’t hear me complaining, anyway I brought more booze!”

Y/n holds up the liquor smiling as if she won a prize. I look up at her, her confidence radiating throughout the room. I get lost in her beauty and before I know it she’s sitting next to me but this time a lot more closer than before.

We spend the rest of our night talking and drinking. We even smoked some weed which was a first for me but not the rest of the group. Once we finished smoking a couple of bowls I finally checked the time.

“Oh shit it’s 2am-“

“Wait really?! Do you guys have Hotels or anything?”

Y/n looks up at me slightly concerned.

“I mean we were planning to get one after we left the party but I think it’s a little to late for that-“

“Hmmm”

She motions to Ally and whispers in her ear. once they’re done with their conversation Ally says.

“Well if you want you can take one of our hotel rooms and me and Y/n can have the other”

“I don’t see a problem with that”

Tom looks to me and mouths “This is our chance!”

I roll my eyes and we get up to leave. Y/n and Ally lead us to a limo then we drive to their hotel. Once we get in the elevator Tom asks

“So Ally which one is your hotel room?”

“Umm 802”

Tom nods and smirks at me

This idiot he’s not actually going to do what I think he is…

Once we reach there floor and the elevator doors open Tom picks up Ally and he runs to her hotel room. Ally frantically opens the door and slams the door shut.

He actually fucking did it…Thank god but damn no hesitation either-

I feel Y/n’s hand grab mine and she leads me to her hotel room. She opens the door and pulls me inside before closing it. I don’t really remember what happens next all I know is that we ended up on the bed in our underwear, making out before we stop and she asks.

“Do you wanna have sex?”

HAHAHAHAAAA THATS IT don’t worry I’ll make sure most of the next chapter is smut. Lucky for you guys cuz I’m hella good at writing those scenes

#bill kaulitz #x reader

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mandiffe · 1 year

Text

probably ted lasso spoilers

I went through the TL season 3 playlist so you don't have to and made some notes! (I considered this playlist done but we'll see how this goes) hope you enjoy!

The song Superstar is from the rock opera Jesus Christ Superstar. It’s sung by Judas’ spirit who had committed suicide earlier. I don’t want to put a parallel between Ted and Jesus and Nate and Judas but it kinda lies on the surface? And lines Every time I look at you I don't understand Why you let the things you did get so out of hand. You'd have managed better if you'd had it planned. Why'd you choose such a backward time in such a strange land? OH MY GOD

Three songs by Nigerian artists go in a row, so ep3 or 4 is probably about Sam and his restaurant or include this plotline in any way. Or we're getting another Nigerian player!

Everybody knows is an interesting choice because this song raises a lot of social and relationship problems. I think the most important is hypocrisy or, rather, knowing about issues and not doing anything to fix them, letting them be. Maybe it refers to everyone who is close to Ted and notices what’s happening with him but not paying proper attention.

Joker and The Thief is used in “The Hangover” which is referred in s2e11 when Beard calls Ted out for being too closed off.

I bet Fist Fight! is either about Jamie’s dad or Rupert being beaten up. Please.

Sinister Kid may be about Nate and him thinking that he was naturally-born evil and he can’t change it? But he’ll soon find out that it’s untrue. (And that's me, that's me The boy with the broken halo That's me, that's me The devil won't let me be)

Something tells me that Don’t think twice, it’s all right is about Tedbecca. Also second Bob Dylan song per season, first one plays when Ted cleans up his flat. So it’s also can be about Michelle. (I ain't saying you treated me unkind You could have done better, but I don't mind And you just sorta wasted my precious time But don't think twice it's all right) Upd: it occurred to me that it might be about Jamie or Keeley referring to each other.

Oh What A Performance! (I won an Oscar for playing a fool) and Quiet (Goodbye Don't cry You know why And it'll be just as quiet when I leave As it was when I first got here) give me an ache for some reason. Ep 6’s (apparently) gonna hurt.

But Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go straight after Nirvana’s song is suspicious. Hopefully it’s about Roykeeley who are back together.

CONGRATS GUYS HET WERD ZOMER, VENUS AND ZIJ GELOOFT IN MIJ ARE DUTCH SONGS AND IN THE PLAYLIST THEY’RE SOMEWHERE NEAR EP8 THEREFORE “WE’LL NEVER HAVE PARIS” IS MOST LIKELY THE NETHERLANDS EP!

Let’s talk about Boy by Book of Love!!! The song is said to be about woman who has feelings for a gay man. To me this song is also kind of trans-coded. AND Book of Love’s songwriter stated that this song “written about Boy Bar, which was a very exclusive gay club in the East Village.”. (I want to be where the boys are But I'm not allowed I wait outside of the boy's bar I wait for them to all come out)

I’m 99% sure that ep8 is THE episode.

It’s interesting that after Three Little Birds (Ajax anthem) comes The Angel (North London Forever) (song dedicated to Arsenal). Maybe we’ll see UEFA Champions League in some way or it’s just a coincidence and it’s just Richmond playing with Arsenal.

Dreams was used in the trailer of “Boys on The Side” where one of the main plotlines is unrequited love of a woman to a woman who has something with a man. But then both girls admit their love for each other (not necessarily romantic but still). Interesting, right? Might be another coincidence though.

Centerfield confuses me, song about baseball in a show about football? Is it irony or what.

Doomed speaks about the experience of aromantic people, the song is in the album “Aromanticism” and its writer explores corners of life without possibility of feeling romantic attraction. Are we getting an aromantic character??

Criminal feels like a Nate song, him feeling bad for mistakes and wanting to pay for his wrongdoings. (Heaven help me for the way I am Save me from these evil deeds before I get them done I know tomorrow brings the consequence at hand But I keep living this day like the next will never come)

And finally songs from “La Cage aux Folles”, a 1983 musical about gay couple, Georges, who’s an owner of a drag nightclub named “La Cage aux Folles”, and Albin, who’s a drag queen. Let’s add a little bit of a context. Georges and Albin’s son Jean-Michel is engaged to Anne whose parents are conservative and they don’t know yet that their daughter’s future-in-laws are a gay couple. Jean-Michel asks Georges to tell Albin to absent himself from his extravagant behavior and even invite Jean-Michel’s biological mother for a dinner instead of Albin so they can seem ‘normal’. Georges hadn’t had a chance to explain the situation to his spouse as Albin went performing to the club.

It’s the moment when La Cage aux Folles plays, the song describes the nightclub, its vulgarity and eccentricity, how it’s tolerant and welcoming to everyone (https://www.songlyrics.com/la-cage-aux-folles/la-cage-aux-folles-lyrics/ - here’s the lyrics if someone needs). I have no idea when this song might play in s3, especially when it comes to the end of it, honestly.

So, Georges and Jean-Michel started redecorating their house to make it look less gay without Albin knowing. Albin accidentally notices the two, Georges has to explain and Albin performs I Am What I Am practically letting them know that he’s proud of being himself and won’t change for anyone.

As someone had mentioned before this song basically became a “gay anthem” and was widely recorded. It’s the finale number of the first act as it apparently will be the last song of the third season. Considering all of the above I doubt that they chose both of these songs by accident and put them in an exact same order as they are in the musical. Something’s coming.

We know that we’re getting Ted at the airport as the last scene of the season. He might be waiting for his mother or Michelle with Henry to arrive (or leave) but either way he’s not going to change for them and they’ll have to accept him the way he is. And yes, I believe it’ll be a message about queerness. There are too much signs (and songs) pointing at that.

Perhaps when Jason said “Maybe by May 31, once all 12 episodes of the season [have been released], they’re like, ‘Man, you know what, we get it, we’re fine. We don’t need anymore, we got it.’” he addressed conservative fans of the show (they form a great percentage of the audience, don’t forget) who wouldn’t want more of TL since it became ‘woke’.

That’s it, let me know your thoughts :)

#thoughts?#and prayers #ted lasso #ted lasso season 3 #ted lasso s3 #ted lasso spoilers

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docholligay · 1 year

Text

I like bits of this but am still largely frustrated by it. This is essentially the moment my main canon becomes Mystery and Shadow

“There is a moment, in the unluckiest of lives, where we, broken upon the tile, show the quality inside of us.”

Rei crossed her arms, narrowing her eyes at Michiru. "Some... moment, some thing will happen, and you will show, what? Nobility? Self sacrifice? Love?"

"No, I rather think not," Michiru tossed her hair casually, looking down at the streets below, "A glass can only spill what it contains. Some grand moment will fall upon us all, and I shall shatter, empty. But rest assured,” a flick of her eyebrows, “Shatter I shall, and you as well. We are born to die, never forget that.”

“No,” Rei shook her head, “Usagi won’t let that happen. You--”

A wind of salt and jasmine whirled by Rei’s face as Michiru suddenly unsheathed her dagger and turned hard, its point nearly meeting at Minako’s throat.

“You’re so good at rallying the troops, Neppy,” She pushed the dagger to the side with a smile, “why don’t I make you head of Morale Operations?”

“Commander Venus.” She lowered the blade. “Should we survive the altercation, I would be delighted to play some sort of, jig,” she empahasized the comma with the shealth of the knife, “or some such.”

Minako looked out beyond the small patch of Tokyo in front of them, out toward the harbor where dark clouds gathered as if they knew the time and date. As if they had decided this battle must take on a literary quality, the only gift the world could give to its anonymous saviors. She expected the thunder any moment now.

“Are you going to kill Galaxia?” Rei’s voice was firm even as it vibrated like the string of her bow.

Minako touched the hilt of her sword on her back. “Unless your aim is particularly good today. Remember that, Mars. No quarter given or expected. No trophies. No mistakes.”

Rei just continued to stare at Minako, all the arguments and all the things she wanted to say coming to the one truth: Usagi did not want to kill Galaxia. Usagi, was the princess, and that should matter. But Rei was between beloved enemies here, neither of which would hear Usagi’s reasons now, both of which had cast her hope and her optimism and her love into the sea, bound with a chain in a box called “naïveté.”

And they were right do so. She felt the flutter and scream of another Rei inside her head as she admitted as much, if only to herself.

3 months. It had been three months since they last met with Galaxia, since, with great pain and anguish, they had defeated her, and since Usagi had kissed her forehead, wiped her tears, and told her to go forth and sin no more.

Rei and Mina had argued bitterly that night. Her bed had not smelled of peaches since.

“I--”

Rei fell to her knees, suddenly, a strike hitting her, but nothing like lightning, though twice as violent, no this was a bomb strike, this was tactical, this was streets strewn with rubble and with bodies, this was the drone of a plane overhead. Images came to the surface of her mind and popped, her thoughts at a rolling boil. Who could keep track of them all? Haruka died, and then rocked a byb in her arms. Ami lost an eye, and then she was dead, and then she was taking a bronze award from European hands. The world went black, and Galaxia cackled, and then she disappeared, and then Tokyo came to light, and then it sank under the sea, and all of these things were true, all of these things were lies.

The only thing that made sense in any of it, the only thing that screamed loud enough to be heard over it all, was this:

The End.

“Mars.” Mina was knelt next her to her, a hand held out, but no touch between them, even as Rei could feel the burning magnetism of wanting to go to her. “What is it?”

“It is the end of all things.” Michiru offered a mirthless laugh, “I have seen it many times myself. It draws near, and strong, and so the fire comes to you, not you to it. Whatever the answer here, it will be the final one.”

Rei pushed herself to her feet, ignoring Mina’s hand.

“What did you see?” Mina stood up next to her. “What happens here?”

“I d--” Her eyes flicked to Michiru. No. Seers like Michiru didn’t know. They Saw too much, too far in advance. It was a guessing system at best, it was Rei who saw the attacks, Rei who saw from where they would approach. It was Rei who steered this ship at Mina and Usagi’s side. Rei knew. She always knew. It wasn’t about possibilities, it was about certainties.

Rei had never struggled to be certain.

She grabbed the zippo and flicked it open, the flame appearing in one quick movement. Rei stared into it, and let it stare into her. Something. She needed something. Something to give Mina, something to know. Something for Usagi, maybe. She focused on the approach, on the harbor, on the flame inside for her. It came. It sparked.

Rei snapped the lighter shut, eyes wide. “The east. Coming from the east.”

“When?”

“Now.”

Rei was in position. She had her bow. Michiru stood at her side, waiting to see where she could slide in, rushing into the small spaces and the dark as the sea does, dragging them down to drown. They had been so for an hour at least.

But the word made it so final. Even now, there was the apparition or the reality of that dark line on the eastern horizon, the final cry of evil coming in wisps like smoke.

Mina nodded, her eyes scanning below. “I should see to everyone else. Before.” She sighed, began to walk away. “If we live, drinks are on me.”

“We do.” Rei shot the arrow of her voice. “We win. I saw that too. We win. We live.”

Mina looked back and smiled. “Of course we fucking do. Who do you think we are?”

In a flash, she leapt off the side of the building to some other perch below, and all the others perches with all the other senshi after it.

”Liar.” Michiru turned back to the cool breeze off the sea.

Rei thought she would yell. She thought she would scream and snipe and argue with Michiru, bitter Michiru, who saw herself as a tin soldier for a child instead of a comrade defending her queen with honor, Michiru, who had no particular honor in question, and Michiru, who Rei loved even as she hated everything about her. She wanted to yell.

But all she could say was. “I did see it.”

“Oh, of that I have no doubt,” she twirled her fingers and looked at the sea with a curious expression, ‘Interesting. Anyhow, of that I have no doubt, but,” she shrugged, “You certainly saw other possibilities as well. Come now, Rei, lies do not become us. You are more accurate than I, on this I will not quarrel. But you are a liar, in this moment, and I know that well.”

“It--”

“It may astonish you to know that our dear commander was aware of that as well. ANd--”

“So what?!” Rei grabbed Michiru’s hand and pulled her to face Rei. “What does it matter if I’ve seen us die? And live? No one has to know that but me! Why do you need to make everything as--horrible as it can be? I know you hate Usagi, Michiru, I know it, everyone knows it, she knows it, even thought you think she’s stupid.”

Rei was afire now, gesturing wildy. Michiru calmly crossed both her arms and her ankles as she stood, her face tilted as if she were the waiting ballerina in a Degas.

“But you know what?!” At this, Rei grabbed her elbow, and drew her close, ignoring the rage that splashed in Michiru’s eyes, “She didn’t choose this either, Michiru. She was born into it too. Just like you.”

“No,” Michiru shook her head, “or yes, in the same way that Haruka and I were both born to our stations.”

She removed her arm from Rei’s grip with an icy shake and a quick push of the hand. Then she smiled, her hells tapping away from Rei as she went to sit on the edge of the building toward the east, the black line that might have been an illusion mere moments before coming in clearly now, a low roar barely audible on the wind.

“So, the story ends today,” Michiru touched at the ring under her glove, “and what will the moral be?”

It was not aimed at Rei. There was no answer to give, no matter how talented the Seer. Rei would not learn what the answer had been until she was a much older woman, and much water had flowed under the bridge of her inborn destiny.

“Well then, to the kiss of our prince. Steel and bone though he may be.” Michiru stood. “The spell will be as broken as we, and we shall see what was inside of it after all.”

We win. We have to win.

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raven-at-the-writing-desk · 2 years

Note

I do hope we get an RSA arc because I want to learn more about them. Since the monster in the prologue is an Overblot!Grim (Don't know, but it's kind of obvious) With the School destroyed maybe RSA being the good-natured school maybe merging schools until NRC is rebuilt. Having NRC students fully interact with RSA students and keeping the villains

Maybe the arc can show that RSA has to deal with high expectations and meet standards. Maybe are assumed be "Fake" like Snow White's dorm think their niceness is fake or Mufasa's dorm either pretending to be courageous

The Aladdin dorm having a possible plot where they are questioned for having the street rat represent them instead of the princess

Sorry for rambling, but I really can't wait to see what they have next after the Overblot arc

I’ve seen a lot of theories floating around about how TWST may have an RSA arc post chapter 7, but with how chapter 6 turned out to be quite different than most of our expectations, it’s possible the devs might go in a totally new direction 😂 or maybe (if we do go the RSA route) they’ll come up with an insane reason for it? I don’t think it’ll be an emergency merging of the two schools, since Malleus could just wave his hand and reassemble the school in the blink of an eye like how he fixed the VDC venue in chapter 5 (plus, I can’t imagine the NRC student body would be happy about a merge).

I do wonder how the devs would handle a theoretical RSA arc, given that so much of the marketing is about “villains” and how the main boys are “based on bad guys” (even if the actual contents of the game then go on to explore grey morality and character complexities); it feels like a RSA arc would have a completely different vibe. I also wonder what kinds of “boss battles” we would have, because the whole OB thing might get stale at that point (+ the caveat where we’re told Overblotting is “rare”, yet by that point we will likely have experienced no less than 8-10 of them if you count Grim, the monster from the abandoned mines, and what appears to be an Idia-Ortho double OB in chapter 6?).

That’s not to say that I don’t think the RSA boys won’t have problems of their own; there’s still plenty of personal issues and traumas to delve into and to explore. As I mentioned in this post and this post, I think a big theme of an RSA arc would be that “nobody’s perfect, even if they appear to be on the outside”.

The RSA arc could tackle issues like peer pressure to meet societal standards or high expectations, which I think are themes that would really resonate, especially in modern day where hustle culture is so heavily promoted and social media has generated more public scrutiny than ever before (both of ourselves and of others). They could also delve into privilege and how it impacts others’ perspective of a person (as we are told that RSA is full of “pampered princes” based on dialogue from NRC students; what about the students that aren’t from noble or important families? Are they treated differently than others?), performative altruism (being nice only to gain attention and praise), and a myriad of other issues that aren’t as easily addressed with NRC’s current student population/cast. There’s a lot of story potential here!

#twst #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland theory #twst theory #twst theories #twisted wonderland theories #notes from the writing raven #disney twisted wonderland #RSA #spoilers

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cirilla-fiona-riannon · 2 years

Text

Ikevamp Act 2.5

Chapter 15 Romantic Route

Let's go back to the same time Mitsuki went to the World's Fair site.

Leonardo: "No clue about Cara mia again, huh? Damn it..."

Leonardo clucks his tongue despite the festive mood of the city.

They split up with the others to look for Mitsuki, but Vlad and his friends never showed up at the church they are using as a base.

Shakespeare couldn't get any leads on them, probably because his memory may have been manipulated.

Leonardo: "We can't even trace their presence."

Comte: "Will says that Vlad and his friends wear lapel pins that make them invisible to the purebloods."

Suddenly, a group of excited children runs past Leonardo and Comte.

Child 1: "I got this balloon at the World's Fair."

Child 2: "Wow, nice. Maybe I should get one too."

Leonardo: "World's Fair? If so, I'm sure Cara mia would be smiling like that right now."

Comte: "............."

Leonardo: "Hey, Comte, I don't know what that guy told Cara mia to go with him, but you said Vlad would never harm her."

Comte: "Yeah, Vlad loves mankind equally. He can be kind or cruel, like a god. But for some reason, he seemed to be moved by Mitsuki."

Comte: "If Mitsuki is not "one of the many" but "a special person" for Vlad, I don't think he would do anything to hurt her."

Leonardo: "Knowing Cara mia, I'm sure she went to him for us. To find out what she can do."

Leonardo: "Mitsuki knows how to work hard for someone. That's the kind of person she is."

Comte: "You're right. All the more reason to get her back in one piece."

As the two nodded, a loud explosion vibrated through the air.

Comte: "What was that sound...?"

Leonardo: "Over there. There's some smoke coming from around the World's Fair site!"

Leonardo pointed to a black smoke rising up, and after a while, people rushed in from the same direction, running for their lives.

Comte: "Was it an accident? Or..."

Duke Germant: "Ah, Comte! I'm glad you’re safe!"

It was the Duke, an acquaintance of Comte's, who approached him in the crowd.

Comte: "Duke Germant, what in the world happened!?"

Duke Germant: "That's the thing, there was a sudden explosion at the main venue."

Nobody knows what really happened, and the scene is chaotic. The duke, however, frantically fled with his family.

Duke Germant: "By the way, the young lady you sometimes take with you in the hall, Mitsuki, I think I just saw her."

Leonardo & Comte: "!!!"

Duke Germant: "Did she go to the World's Fair with someone? I hope Mitsuki is all right."

After a few words of concern, the Duke left, and Comte and Leonardo looked at each other with impatience.

Comte: "Mitsuki is at the World's Fair?"

Leonardo: "We'll just have to go there anyway!"

Against the surging crowd, the two run for Mitsuki.

The black smoke, ill-suited to this place, dimly stained the clear blue sky and the beautiful building had a large hole in the roof.

Vlad: "Mitsuki, are you all right?"

Mitsuki: "Y-Yeah. Thanks, Vlad. But what happened?"

Charles: "I think that building exploded. Was it an accident or...?"

Faust: "Nein, the explosion is still going on. It is possible that someone set it off intentionally."

Faust: "Anyway, we need to get out of here stat."

Vlad: "Let's go. Stay close to me, Mitsuki."

As I took Vlad's hand and managed to get up on my unsteady feet, I was surrounded by the angry shouts of people in an uproar.

Noble: "The World Fair is ruined! I'm sure those working-class people are behind this barbaric act!"

Citizen: "What did you say? You're blaming us? What do you even know? You're just an aristocrat!"

Mitsuki: "We don't have time for this!"

Vlad: "There's nothing you can say to them now. Let's hurry up."

Vlad glances at the people arguing, and a sad shadow appears in his eyes.

(Vlad. This is not the only aspect of human nature.)

I'm sure they're just venting their resentment at each other out of fear right now.

As I was searching for a safe place with my thoughts running through my mind, a faint voice reached my ears.

Boy's voice: "It hurts. Somebody, help me!"

(That's the boy who was put on the fence earlier as a human exhibit.)

I think that boy's name is Halil.

With no other people from his clan around, the boy stayed slumped over on the ground with his injured leg.

(At this rate, he'll get caught up in the stampede!)

Vlad: "Mitsuki!"

Not wanting to leave him alone, I let go of Vlad's hand, turn back and run up to Halil.

Mitsuki: "Are you okay!? Big sister will support you, let's go."

Halil: "Okay..."

As I stood up to support Halil, a large shadow hovered over my head.

(No way, those are debris from the building!)

Unable to avoid the large pieces of debris that were about to fall, I quickly hugged Halil, squeezing my eyes shut as I braced myself for the pain.

???: "Mitsuki!"

(Huh? I'm fine...?)

I sat up and found them protecting me.

Mitsuki: "Vlad! And..."

Leonardo: "I somehow managed to get here in time..."

Comte: "Mitsuki! Are you hurt!?"

Mitsuki: "Leonardo, Comte!"

Mitsuki: "What are you two doing here?"

Comte: "I heard from an acquaintance that he saw you at the World's Fair. I'm glad you're safe."

Leonardo: "You scared the hell out of me, Cara mia."

The debris had only grazed them, and they didn't seem to be hurt either.

More than anything, I could feel that they were sincerely worried about me.

(What should I do? I feel like crying.)

Not only now, but I must also have been worrying them tremendously.

The apology and the relief of seeing each other for the first time in a while made the back of my eyes burn.

Charles: "Mitsuki! Are you okay!? Oh..."

Faust: "This is another yet tricky situation."

Faust and Charles, who rushed in before I could thank the three people who helped me, widened their eyes.

I looked over and saw Vlad and Comte looking at each other silently.

Leonardo: "We have a lot to say, but for now, let's just run."

After saying that, Leonardo looks down at Halil, who is in my arms.

Mitsuki: "Right! Are you okay?"

Halil nodded a little but was a little dazed due to his injury.

Leonardo then carried Halil.

Mitsuki: "Thank you, Leonardo!"

Leonardo: "I don't mind this much. But what the hell is going on today?"

Comte: "Hey Vlad, who is this kid? This presence..."

(Why are they both surprised to see Halil?)

(Come to think of it, Vlad was wondering about something too...)

Vlad: "You both felt it too, huh? There's no doubt about it."

Vlad: "There's a faint hint of a vampire in this kid."

We left the chaos of the World's Fair and came to Vlad's church because this is where they keep Charles' medical tools and Faust's remedies.

Charles: "Mitsuki, are you in pain?"

Mitsuki: "I'm fine. It's just a scratch. Thanks."

Faust: "The boy here doesn't seem to have any broken bones either, so he should be fine."

Halil is sleeping on my lap, probably because he's tired.

Faust and Charles sighed after examining Halil and me.

Charles: "Hey, Docteur. I feel like I'm suffocating."

Faust: "Is there something you want to say? Leonardo da Vinci?"

Leonardo: "No. Just surprised to see you treating Cara mia more respectfully than I feared."

Leonardo watched intently as the two of them treated us.

Leonardo: "But you guys took Mitsuki away. I'm going to have to be on the lookout for you."

Mitsuki: "I was the one who followed Vlad. And I knew it would worry everyone in the mansion."

Mitsuki: "I'm really, really sorry for being selfish."

Leonardo: "You don't sound like you're being threatened."

Leonardo: "I was worried about you, but I'm sure you had your reasons, Cara mia."

Leonardo, who narrowed his eyes gently, patted me on the head.

(To be honest, Faust and Charles played pranks on me, but that was only the first time...)

After that, they both treated me normally, and I never felt in danger.

Charles: "Lord Vlad was very protective of Mitsuki while she was at the castle."

Vlad: "I would never hurt Mitsuki."

Leonardo: "Oh, really? So that's where our Comte was right."

(What?)

Tilting my head, I look down at Halil sleeping on my lap.

(It was a dangerous situation. Good thing I brought him along.)

When things settle down, we should send him back to his group.

But the thought of being put on the fence of the exhibition again makes my heart ache.

(That said, if we took him away like this, it would be kidnapping.)

(And what did Vlad mean earlier?)

Vlad certainly mentioned that he could sense the presence of a vampire from this kid.

(Don't tell me Halil is...?)

At that moment, the church doors opened, and Comte returned, flipping his coat.

Comte: "I've seen what's going on out there."

Comte: "The damage from the explosion appears to be minor. Fortunately, there were no fatalities."

Comte, who had gone to the city to get information, tells us the current situation.

He says that parts of the site are now off-limits, but the chaos in the city is returning to a state of calm.

According to the investigators who arrived at the scene, this may have been the work of someone who disliked the World's Fair.

Comte: "We still don't know the culprit or the purpose. So I'm sure this is just a rumor."

Comte looks painfully at Halil, who is sleeping on my lap.

Comte: "The child's clan is also under suspicion."

Mitsuki: "Ehh!? Why?"

Comte: "They suspect that the folks who were brought in as 'human exhibits' may have plotted to blow up the place to escape."

Comte: "They say that a barbaric people would do that."

Vlad: "..............."

Faust: "So after the freak show, they're now treating them like criminals?"

Charles: "But hasn't the investigation just begun?"

Comte: "Of course, there's no evidence or anything. However, some citizens are calling for the clan to be taken into custody."

Vlad: "The unity of human beings against an entity they recognize as different is frightening."

Vlad: "I don't know what they will do to him if this continues."

(Then, if we give him away now...)

Halil: "Am I going to get caught by the police?"

Mitsuki: "Halil!"

Halil wakes up and gets up slowly.

Halil: "Our family would never blow up a venue like that."

Leonardo: "Don't worry, kid. You should be proud and believe in yourselves."

Mitsuki: "He's right. You're definitely not gonna get caught."

Halil murmured in a trembling voice as I gently held him close, wanting to reassure his eyes that were shaking with anxiety.

Halil: "If the police capture me, I won't be able to see Ulfa again. I haven't even found her yet."

(Ulfa?)

He squeezed my hand and pleaded with tears in his eyes.

Halil: "Please, find my sister!"

Previous Part╏Next Part

#ikemen vampire #ikevamp jp #ikevamp act 2.5 #ikevamp 2.5 #cybird #ikevamp vlad #ikevamp faust #ikevamp charles #ikevamp comte #ikevamp leonardo #ikevamp

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ageofnations · 2 years

Text

Marigold // jmk // Pt.1

Summary: After staying behind while Danny goes on tour, you do everything you can to salvage your relationship. Will you be successful? Or will you find refuge elsewhere?

~This is a continuation of Chamomile~

Pairing: Danny x f!reader …with a little spice

Word Count: ~4.9k

Warnings: angst, talk of mental health and self-invalidation, teeny bit of fluff

A/N: i am so excited to finally get this out. i have A LOT of projects i’m working on, so i’m not sure how often I will update. but i can assure you, i will update as soon as humanly possible. don’t hate me too much <3

Playlist // Chamomile Masterpost // Marigold Masterpost

Part 1

They say that fame changes people. With a little bit of money and attention, they turn into inconsiderate, cocky individuals that can barely even be considered “people.” They say rockstars are the worst. Once they get more popular and hit the road, they become the most arrogant and vain people out there. They use others for validation, and they continually disregard any other individual’s needs if it wasn’t to meet their own selfish demands.

You never thought you’d believe that.

You never had any reason to.

You had been acquainted with the boys for the entirety of ‘Greta Van Fleet’. You’ve seen them go from performing in talent shows to performance halls, bars to civic centers, and you were lucky enough to manage your friendship during all the time it took for them to get to the big venues. The various accolades and achievements along the way never once altered their egos. They always stayed the same guys you knew from the beginning of it all, the title of ‘rockstar’ only seemed to be a side quest in all of their expeditions.

They were outliers. They were different from the rest. They wouldn’t change.

Right?

They had made their cases for themselves for years now, never making you doubt your relationships with them. They’d constantly show you that they appreciated and loved you, no matter how famous they got and no matter how many tours they went on.

Thinking back, you imagined you seemed pretty silly not to realize that Danny had more than platonic feelings for you. He had always been the main one to reach out to you while they were away on tour. He’d make sure you had eaten, ask to see the various crafts you had made for your store, and try to include you in the band’s plans when they had the off time. He’d even send you pictures and videos of their shenanigans and adventures they’d embark on while away. Danny wanted you to be included in everything they did, and you had hoped it would be the same way this tour.

Their fanbase had grown slightly, but not much more than it had been during the last leg of touring the boys had completed. You didn’t expect anything about the boys to change because nothing had really changed. Things were just the same as they had been in the past.

That was… everything except for Danny’s role in the band.

With the start of a new tour, more people could experience what “the world’s best drummer” had to offer. People traveled far and wide to be able to see what he could really do when he was under the stage lights. You were lucky enough to see a small number of performances thanks to a few very entertaining fan live streams, and from that alone, you could see the change in his stage persona. You could also see the change in the fan dynamics. They appreciated him more, they cheered for him more, and you were more than thrilled to be able to experience that with him. You couldn’t stop thinking about how proud you were of him as you watched, listened, and sang along. Especially during the new drum solos that the boys had incorporated for him. You were incredibly thankful that he was finally getting the recognition he deserved.

But with this newfound attention, the only thing that was consistent with him was his busy schedule. According to the others, paparazzi was everywhere, sneaking pictures and videos when the boys refused. Journalists and publicists would constantly be hounding their managers, but they would always ask for Danny.

He always was a people pleaser, looking to make anyone happy and do whatever they told him to.

That’s why he found himself booked with various photoshoots and interviews, and even some brands asked if he’d help with promotional videos. He was almost always busy, and while you were happy for him, you couldn’t help but feel a little left behind.

It was your fault, truthfully. You had been adamant about not coming with them on tour. You didn’t think you were ready to be on the road like that, especially since your relationship with him was still somewhat fresh to the public. You had also been adamant about getting a job to fill the time that he would be away. But in reality, you had unintentionally just filled any and all time that he would be free.

You had gotten hired at the local record shop. It was one that you had frequented so often to the point that you and Gil, the owner, knew each other on a first-name basis long before you were hired. The place was small but honest, and you could tell that Gil put his heart into the business. He was an older man, and his store started with his own beloved record collection that quickly turned into a place for others to donate or sell their old records for other collectors to come to buy. He had run the store on his own for the entirety of the store’s lineage, but with his age, he was desperately needing help keeping things tidy.

You were glad to be there to help, especially in such a comforting space that had been a part of your life for as long as it had. But what had originally been lending a hand here and there turned into essentially taking over the store. You were there more than Gil ever was. He chose to handle all of the paperwork and formalities of the business from his home. You made sure the place opened and closed at the right times, was kept clean and organized, and had shelves stocked full of whatever new and used vinyls entered the market.

The shop wasn’t open for more than 8 hours every day, so thankfully it wasn’t a strenuous or time-consuming job, but your schedule was fairly stable. You hoped this would be ideal for your long-distance situation. Aside from the time used for soundcheck, performances, and interviews, the time zone differences often were a lot of the problem. You essentially had just begun playing a game of cat and mouse with Danny. When one of you wasn’t busy, the other one was. When one of you wasn’t sleeping, the other one was.

Sure you still texted and sent funny videos, but there was only so much a quick text could do, especially when it sometimes took hours for each of you to respond to one another. Or days, on his part.

It wouldn’t be like this if you just would’ve gone with them like he wanted you to. You’d be with your best friends. You’d be with him.

In the brief moments that you would get with him, you tried to hide your worries and insecurities, scared that bringing them up or letting them show would only make matters worse. It seemed pointless to be sad about not being able to talk to him as often while you were literally on the phone with him. But no matter how many times you tried to convince yourself that things were okay, you couldn’t help but overthink.

Like now. It was a slow day at the record store, a Thursday. You were five hours into the shift, and only two people had entered the building other than yourself. One was Gil, who left soon afterward, only stopping by to let you know he was going out of town for a few days, and the other was a delivery man, coming to give you some of the new albums Gil had ordered for the shelves. You weren’t supposed to have your phone out at all while you worked, and honestly you never really cared enough about your phone to break the rule, but lately, you had become more and more desperate to talk to Danny. You had gotten a text from him this morning, letting you know that he would be busy almost all day, but he’d be free from 3 to 4 PM. Your heart ached at the first part of the message, but a shimmer of excitement gleamed with the last portion. You had texted him back right away.

You (9:14 AM): Soooo I’m hearing we have a date via FaceTime from 3 to 4?

Dan the Man (10:01 AM): Won’t you get in trouble?

You (10:03 AM): Not if Gil doesn’t see ;)

Dan the Man (10:56 AM): Then sure

You were glad no one had come into the store while you patiently waited for 3 o’clock. It had been almost a month since the last time you could FaceTime with Danny, so needless to say, you were excited. It was the only thing you could think about, so even while you worked, you only did so absentmindedly. The old office chair that sat behind the register counter would be your home for the next hour. The chair was worn from the years, having been the same chair Gil had used when he opened the place, but it was still one of the most comfortable chairs you had ever sat in. You made sure you looked presentable, no strand of hair out of place, your shirt perfectly draped over your body.

You hit the call button right at three on the dot, not wanting to waste a single second of your time with Danny. You stared at yourself on the screen while you waited for your boyfriend to pick up. Your smile was diminishing the more you heard the quiet ringing, and it completely disappeared once the call was terminated after ringing too long with no answer.

Maybe he didn’t mean right at 3, he’s probably just busy still.

You sighed and lifted yourself from the chair, making sure your ringer was on so you’d hear it once he called back. You busied yourself with straightening the shelves nearest to the best, but as 3:30 approached with no call or text from Danny, you started to worry. You knew you’d hear from one of the others if something was wrong, but that only made your thoughts wander. He had said he’d be free at 3, right? You checked your messages to confirm your doubts, and sure enough, you hadn’t been misremembering anything. As you reread the short conversation, you looked at his last message.

“Then sure”

Did he even want to call? Was he just agreeing to make you happy? Maybe you had been too insistent on the call in the first place. He was busy, he probably really wanted to use his only free hour of the day to be alone and recuperate. You really shouldn’t be worrying that much about a single call.

But he had still said he was going to. You thought you’d finally get to see his face. You thought you’d get to hear that saccharine voice of his. You had agreed to call, whether he really meant it or not, and the fact that he was going back on his word disheartened you.

Maybe he had just got distracted and didn’t realize what time it was.

You had pressed the call button again before you even realized it. A few rings in, you glanced at the clock. 3:40. You sighed at the loss of time, but seeing Danny’s face once he answered the call made your heart feel warm again.

There were subtle differences in his appearance from the last time you saw him. Since then, he had sent the occasional selfie, and you could see him in fan videos and pictures, but there was never the intimacy that only presented itself while you talked to him on the phone. The visual contrasts were those that only you could notice. He was tanner, and his hair had changed ever so slightly. It was darker, as if he had dyed it just a shade deeper than his natural color, and it was parted in the middle instead of to the side. Even his facial structure seemed as if it had changed, his cheekbones much more defined and lips plumper. This was different, but you had to remind yourself that it was still your Danny.

“Hey, Bip,” he said with a sweet smile.

“Hi,” you responded, trying to keep your cheerfulness genuine despite the circumstances. He could see right through your act, and he frowned at the pretense.

“I’m so sorry I wasn’t here right when I said I would. We had an interview that was supposed to end at 3, but then it got delayed and then they wanted to speak to me and-”

“It’s okay,” you interrupted. “You’re here now, and I’m just glad to finally hear your voice. How are you? How’s Europe treating you?”

“It’s alright,” he responded. He sounded sincere, yet distant. You couldn’t quite read his expression, and that was new for you. Understanding his body language was something that you had always been able to do, even more so now that you had started dating him. It took some time, but you had learned what every tone change, every mood shift, and every fidget in his mannerism meant, and you were able to assess the situation accordingly. Now, you weren’t sure why that seemed to be an impossible feat for you. It didn’t seem too hard for him, but maybe you couldn’t see past the stress of the tour for him or the cloud of doubts that had been flooding your brain.

You hoped he would continue with his statement, or at least bring up another topic, but once you realized that he wasn’t going to do that, you bit the bullet and started one yourself.

“I really miss you. I wish I could be there with you guys.”

He nodded, seemingly digesting your admission. “Yeah…” He let his voice trail off before clearing his throat. “How’s the store?”

“Obnoxiously slow. Absolutely no customers today, and Gil’s going to some convention this week, so I don’t even have to worry about looking busy,” you added a laugh in your words, hoping Danny would join in. You were only lucky enough to elicit a small smile from him. You continued, hoping to avoid another moment of crushing silence. “Um… I did find a new record that I enjoy, though! I’ve been keeping it in the store’s rotation a lot lately just to hear it more often. I think you’d like it.”

“Yeah? That’s really cool. I’m happy for you.”

“The real question is,” a different voice joined in. “-would I like it? I think you may have forgotten that I’m the one with impeccable music taste in this band.”

Danny’s smile grew to one that seemed much more authentic, and his eyes rolled at the added individual to the conversation. You were glad to see the head of curly hair appear behind your boyfriend, but a little annoyed that you couldn’t have more time alone.

“Hi, Josh,” you greeted.

“Well, I thought you’d sound a little happier to see me. You forget about us that easily?”

His teasing managed to make the atmosphere much lighter, even from oceans away. Although you tried to feign your irritation with him, his toothy grin melted it away in an instance.

“Just you,” you quipped back. He clutched his heart as if you had struck a deep nerve, making you let out a genuine laugh for the first time all day.

“That one hurt!” Josh spoke through his own bits of laughter, wiping a fake tear. “Danny, your girlfriend is ruthless.”

Danny scoffed and smirked at you. “We all knew that before she was my girlfriend.”

“Danny!” You giggled at his sudden wittiness. It took you by surprise, a stark contrast to how he had been acting just seconds prior while you were alone with him.

Josh started again before you could defend yourself from the fun they were both poking at you. “Well, I'm gonna get out of here before she insults me further. Plus I think I was interrupting something-?”

“Actually,” Danny resumes. “I need to set up the kit for soundcheck ‘cause I completely forgot to do that this morning.”

The frown that returned on your expression remained unnoticed as the two carried on a conversation that was too quiet for you to hear. Not like you were listening anyways. How could you? All you could focus on was how you were supposed to get an hour with your boyfriend, a single hour compared to the days and weeks that you had waited since you last spoke, but the hour shrunk with every passing second. You knew he wanted to be sure everything was set up just right and how he needed it to be, but Why couldn’t he get his team to set up his drums for him just this once? You knew he would be busy before you even started dating him, but you hoped he’d still make time for you. He had said you’d get the time with him that you so desperately needed, and now you felt like all of that was being robbed from you.

You jumped back into the conversation once you heard Josh clap his hands dramatically. “Well then I will keep your meanie of a girlfriend company until your return!”

The brief episode of your zoning out left you in a slight fugue state. But after hearing Danny mumble a quick ”I’ll be right back babe.” and seeing him set the phone down on the table he had been sitting at, you knew that Josh would be replacing your boyfriend’s end of the call.

Josh always had a way of cheering you up and bringing a smile to your face. He had that effect on everyone, essentially, and it was easy for him to make friends and new acquaintances no matter where he was. It was natural to him, his ability to seize the spotlight and brighten any room he walked in. You had always been drawn to him, and your friendship grew nearly as fast as your friendship with Danny. You admired Josh’s optimistic and kind personality, and you were even jealous of his carefree nature at times. But now, you were almost certain that there was almost nothing he could do or say to lift your spirits.

It had grown quiet on the other end of the FaceTime call, faint conversation subsided with a clicking of a door opening and closing. The phone was still laying down on the table, and you continued to look at the plain, boring ceiling of whatever room they had been in. It all seemed extremely dull, and it matched the feelings that you were experiencing in an unceasing manner.

Even when Josh slowly peeked back into the camera’s view, stopping just at the bridge of his nose to show his wide eyes and permed curls. He was raising his eyebrows playfully, trying to earn a smile with his silly antics. As much as you wanted to give him what he was obviously aiming for, you couldn’t. You couldn’t stop thinking about Danny and how bad you missed having him, really having him.

“Oh come on, Bip, that usually at least gets a fake laugh out of you!” Josh grabbed the phone and sat in Danny’s old spot. “You sure you’re not forgetting about us?”

“I’m sorry, Josh,” you responded meekly. “I just…” You stopped and debated on confiding in Josh. You needed to talk to someone about everything on your mind, but was Josh really the right person to bring it up to? He had to be around Danny on a daily basis, and Josh wasn’t exactly known for his ability to keep secrets. You trusted Josh with your life, and he always knew what piece of philosophical advice you needed to hear. But the idea of making things tense between the two bandmates made your stomach twist.

“I know, I know,” Josh jumped in before you could complete your sentence. “You miss him. He misses you, too! He talks about you all the time.”

The statement made you smile, and upon seeing the sight, Josh smiled, too. You took the opportunity to digest his current appearance, and unlike Danny, Josh looked mostly the same since the last time you saw him. The only noticeable difference was a tint of pink on his partially sunburned cheeks.

“He does?” You asked the question out of selfishness, wanting to hear about Danny’s admiration and longing for you in any way you could.

Josh laughed sarcastically and rolled his eyes. “At the first few shows, it was almost non-stop. He picked his outfits based on what he thought you’d like. Brought up an old memory with you any chance he got. Included you in every conversation possible. It was gross, really.”

The hopefulness inside you began to dissipate the longer Josh spoke. You almost were scared to ask him to continue, but you hoped his usage of past tense was accidental. You managed to mumble “And now?...” and you only hoped his phone’s volume was up enough to hear the soft words.

Josh realized his mistake, and the cheeky grin he had wore while recounting Danny’s behavior turned into a straight face. “Well, he hasn't done it so much recently-” he paused to look away from the camera briefly and clear his throat. “-but he still misses you all the same! It’s probably just because you guys haven’t been talking as much!”

You sighed, already exhausted from the conversation. “Yeah, maybe.”

“You should call more often! I’m sure that would help you feel better rather than only hanging around an old man with even older records.”

Although he hadn’t meant for his light-hearted teasing to come off as an accusation, your current mental state inhibited you from taking it in any other manner. You could feel tears welling in your eyes, and you scolded yourself for being so melodramatic during the first call with them in a long time.

“I try to call him, Josh,” you stated plainly. “But every time I try, he’s got an interview, or he’s too tired or-”

“You do understand that he’s not the only one of us that has a phone, right? He’s not the only one that misses you, either. Us Kiszkas need some time with our Bip, too, ya know!” He added a huff of a laugh to ensure you that he was not upset with you and to keep his admission in a positive light. “You can call us, and if it’s him you’re wanting to see, then we’ll find him. Even if you can’t talk to him at the moment, you’ll be able to see him and make all the heart-eyes you want.”

You both shared a hearty laugh at his mocking. It did seem nice to be able to call and see Danny more often, even if he wasn’t able to speak. You honestly didn’t know why you didn’t think of the idea yourself, but you were glad that Josh had been the one to offer.

Once the laughter died down, Josh continued again, this time using a much more earnest tone than he had previously. “Seriously though, we miss you. I miss you. I don’t see why Danny has to get all of the attention.”

The admission made you smile smugly to yourself. “Well, he is my boyfriend,” you goaded.

“And aren’t I your best friend? I think we’re pretty close in the rankings here.”

“That’s debatable,” your sentence trailed off as you shifted in the office chair, draping your denim clad legs over the arm of the seat. “But you can call me, too, ya know? You guys are busier than I am, so you can just call me whenever.”

Josh seemed pleased with your response, and he was almost bursting with animation before he even began his answer. “And I will! How about I call you tomorrow? We can even make it a routine. We’ll call it FaceTime Fridays.” He added dramatic flair with the wave of his hand, as if he were picturing the name in flashing lights.

“Don’t you have a show tomorrow? And most Fridays?” Skepticism never looked good on you, but you worried that his proposal wasn’t rational. If Danny was having trouble keeping up with everything, it was only logical that the frontman would experience the same thing.

He shrugged and waved a hand at you through the phone in dismissal. “I’ll call at least some before or after, but I can assure you that I can find the time.”

“Plan on it then.” Just as you answered, you heard a door opening and closing in the background.

“Okay, I’m really going this time. You lovebirds have fun now.” Josh wiggled his eyebrows at you and shot finger guns your way, earning a fleeting laugh from Danny before his phone was returned to him.

“As if we could do anything remotely scandalous with two minutes left,” you huffed with a smile.

Your joke failed to draw any more humor into the conversation. The only response you received was silence, and you guiltily started to wish Josh was at least back in the room with you two. The silence was much too loud, much too uncomfortable. You needed to say something, anything to tell him how you were feeling, but was now the best time? Rushed and right before a show? You wouldn’t stop feeling this way, and in fact, waiting would make it much worse. But before you could gather your thoughts, Danny spoke up again.

“Well, I guess I’ll text you later,” he said plainly. You had hoped he would be starting another conversation to fill the last two minutes of the call, but to your dismay, it was quite the opposite.

“Okay…” You sighed, trying to muster up the cheerful facade you had put on before he left the first time. “Thanks for calling and good luck at the show tonight. You’re gonna kill it!”

“Thank you.”

“I love you!”

“Love you, bye.”

And just like that, the conversation’s end left you feeling dejected. A shudder erupted from you once you heard the sound of Danny hanging up on you. You were shaking, trying to control the thoughts that ran through the walls of your mind.

The juxtaposition of Danny’s and Josh’s attitudes gave you whiplash. Josh had tried so hard to make you smile, and looked so rewarded and prideful after receiving the teeniest bit of a lip curve. He promised to make time to catch up with you and let you see Danny. Danny, however, almost acted as if the call was a nuisance. You tried to make an excuse for his behavior. For all you knew, things might’ve been happening on the tour that he hadn’t talked to you about. But that didn’t seem to make sense considering he had smiled and laughed all the same with Josh, he had just acted differently towards you.

Of the hour that he was supposed to dedicate to you and your call, he had narrowed it down to 20 minutes. And on top of that, of the 20 minutes he did set aside for the call, he was only present for upwards of 5 minutes, and hardly here for that brief time. He barely looked at you through the camera. He barely spoke. And he didn’t seem into the conversations you tried to bring up with him.

What hurt the most though, was that he hadn’t even told you he missed you when you said it.

It was such a juvenile thing to be upset about, but you felt stranded, and you wanted to know that you weren’t alone in feeling this way about him. You wanted to know that your absence was hurting him just as his was hurting you. That’s what you hoped to earn in this call. You hoped that seeing each other’s faces and hearing each other’s voices while you spoke would be a much needed reunion. You’d tell each other how much you thought of one another on a daily basis, pointing out the many things that made you think of him and vice versa. That’s why this call was so important to you. But it didn’t serve its purpose whatsoever. He had barely even bid you a proper farewell at the end of the call. He usually made it a point to never be lazy with his “I love you”s. You both thought highly of the statement, and you both knew it meant a lot to one another. And for him to barely heed something he also claimed to believe in… it worried you.

You wanted to hold on to everything, every bit of trust and hope in the relationship. You wanted to hold onto the memories you had made with him, before and after he had asked you to be his. You wanted to hold on to him as much as he had held onto you for as long as you had been dating. You needed to hold onto him. But the problem was, it felt like he was letting you go.

>>>part 2

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