#i would've killed myself

[raustenacious]

was anyone else low-key traumatized from Island of the Blue Dolphin?

#like she was alone on the island for AT LEAST a decade #she jumped off the boat because her brother was late 🥺 #and she couldnt leave him #and her mum was still on it 🥲 #and then two days later he was dead because of his impatience. #i would've killed myself #she only had contact with one other girl in those long long years #she stopped talkying the days and started tallying the months/moon cycles instead #and when someone FUNALLY FINALLY saved her #she got to the mainland. #and found out that her mothers ship was sunk and no one had even HEARD of them before #and no one truly knows what happened bc no one spoke her language and she tried to escape once and got halfway to the sister island but her #boat sprung a leak #im not crying over a book you are #island of the blue dolphins #i even own it #ozzy rambles #school #middle school

[beateater]

aki is a saint cause...

#chainsaw man #aki hayakawa #denji hayakawa #power hayakawa #HAS HE NOT BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH @FUJIMOTO #i would've killed myself

[starry-bi-sky]

my body's aching like a knock-down drag-out

and my poor heart is an open wound A Childhood Friends Au snippet that very briefly delves into Danny's life post-accident. CW: Mild Mentions of Blood, Violence, VERY mild gore ig. Danny briefly recalls getting impaled during a fight.

------------

What they don't tell you about being dead is that it hurts. That it can hurt. That it can hurt more than when you were alive. That when you die, the emotions you die with stick with you like a leech that just won't let go. That emotions are ugly little thorns that stick their barbs into you and grow beneath your skin; or, at least, whatever’s left of it. 

Danny is familiar with anger. It kept him warm in Gotham, when his parents weren't home from work and he and Jason were crowding Crime Alley with their presence. It kept him warm in Amity, when the fresh sting of moving was still needling into his heart and he wanted nothing more than to rip and tear into the closest person next to him.

He's familiar with violence. With fights. With death. He's seen people die in Crime Alley probably every day. From overdose, from gunshots, from stab wounds; anything that can kill, rest assured he's seen it. He's familiar with getting his own knuckles rough and bloody when other kids turn and bare their teeth at him and Jason; they're all just starving dogs stuck in a fighting pit, primed and ready to rip out each other's throats. 

Black eyes, stomped hands, bloody noses. You name it; he’s had it. Gotham is paved with the blood of her children, and Danny likes to imagine that when he was born, the doctors handed his mother a file and told her; “Take it. He’s going to need it for his teeth.” 

Danny’s mom (and dad, for that matter) was too busy trying to keep him and Jazz fed, so Danny stole the file from her drawer with Jazz’s help, and did it himself.  

He’s familiar with anger, he thought he was getting better at it these days. It doesn’t come to him as easily as it did before. Of course, that was before Jason died. 

Danny is less familiar with grief. Caring kills and Gotham kills the caring, so Danny cares very little about other people. Or he tries to. But grief hurts. His grief hurts. It hurts too much. It hurts like a bug trying to crawl out of his chest; like a rat chewing a hole through his heart. Some days he wants to dig his hands into his hair and split himself down the middle. Some days he just wants to scream. 

He’s dead. He’s dead. He’s dead. 

He wants the whole city to hear him wailing, some days. It sticks itself in the back of his throat like bile, and Danny is one wrong retch away from letting it loose. It sticks in his lungs like all the tar he’s smoked in since he was nine. It pushes and aches at his temples, in his head, like his brain is trying to swell out of his skull. His thoughts becoming so loud they threaten to commandeer his tongue.  

He has no mouth, but he must scream. 

Something they don’t tell you about being dead is that it hurts. That it hurts more than when you were alive. Something they don’t tell you about being dead is that it’s violent. That it’s bloody. Or as bloody as it can be when everyone has no blood. 

Another thing they don’t tell you about being dead, is that it’s a lot like Gotham that way.

With no threat of death, Danny’s enemies forget death itself. Blood comes easy, like water, and teeth are encouraged. Bring your own fangs to the fight. Dying is something you can just walk off. 

Danny’s been dead for three months. He can’t say he’s been walking it off easy. He’s perfected the art of turning his nails into claws since his heart was still beating, but he can’t say he’s perfected fighting other ghosts. 

Scrappy is just not enough. 

He feels like he’s back in Gotham again. Back in her death-shroud alleyways, fighting someone bigger than him. But there’s no Jason to watch his back, and Danny has to get himself out of there alone. Or he might just not get up at all. 

Black eyes, busted lips. It’s familiar to him like an old scent, Danny isn’t quite sure that he’s missed it. It’s more familiar than his fights with Dash. 

But there’s no one else who can do it but him. Not Sam, not Tucker. He can’t lose them too. He can’t. He can’t. He can’t. His heart can’t take another break, he already feels like he’s going insane. 

With no threat of death, Danny’s enemies fight like death themself. He learns why when Technus puts a street sign through his stomach one day. It pins him to the asphalt like a moth pinned by its wings. 

Danny claws at the metal like how an animal caught in a trap chews off its leg, and every move is blinding pain. He thinks he was howling, but it’s hard to tell. He couldn’t recognize the sound of his voice. 

He bleeds green. It mixes in black with the pitch blackhole in his heart, which throbs and twists and cries in time with his reckless panic. The finger-choking terror of dying again strangles out the air he doesn’t need. His blood evaporates, only to reabsorb into him. It just bleeds out again, cycling like a snake eating its own tail. 

Danny breaks his nails clawing at the metal, and eventually gets it in his mind to pull it out. So he does, and the end drips ectoplasm green as he gets to his feet. In red-vision, Danny sends the sign back with snarling, vicious fervor. The pain is irrelevant in his rage.

Only after the fight does the hole the pole left start to close. Danny doesn’t shift human until it’s gone. Unlike other injuries, a scar stays behind. Ugly; mottled, it aches for a week with every twist and stretch his body makes. He hates it. 

Being dead is agony. 

Every part of him is in pain. Every step, every word he speaks, everything he does, it is prerequisite with pain. The body is temporary, but the soul is forever, and death has carved into it with its freezing green hands and left him with never-ending heartache. It has torn from him and stolen what of him it could, and in return it’s left him with sorrow. 

His pain is his grief, and he’s sobbed in the safety of his room more times than he can count. It’s still as fresh as the day he heard the news of Jason’s death. He knows, instinctively, that it will stay fresh forever. 

In his room, Danny shoves his hands over his mouth and shrieks in whatever, muffled way he can into his pillow. It’s not enough. It’s never enough. He needs to be louder. He needs to be heard. He refuses to be. 

Being dead hurts. 

#tw mild gore #cw mild blood #cw mentioned violence #dpxdc #dp x dc #danny fenton is not the ghost king #dpxdc crossover #dpdc #dp x dc crossover #dead on main #dp x dc au #dp x dc fanfic #cfau #cfau danny #obsessed with the fact that danny just has the WORST fucking time after jason dies and baby i can make it worse #*kills you and makes you a banshee and puts you in an irrevocable state of grief* #delicious angst. danny is having the wORSt time ever lol. lmao even #was originally meant to explore the idea that danny can survive lethal injuries as phantom. which briefly got mentioned. #but i got away from myself. leaning reaaal heavy into the fact that danny's a banshee. At 19 he's got a pretty good handle of himself #but imagine being a fresh out the gate banshee. usually they get time to themselves in the zone to cry until their heart's content. #sorry danny. you have school tomorrow and family sleeping in the bedroom next door #kinda proud of myself. you can kinda see how Rath would've occurred here. #danny is going through it rn #was gonna add a snippet about the city's thoughts on phantom but couldnt fit it in

[captainhysunstuff]

19 more images below the cut (WARNING: Some PG-13 saucy shenanigans ahead)

Part three of their date: an unconventional visit to a nearby alley so Light can clear his head and try to get to the point of the outing. The events lead him to becoming confident enough to move onto the next stage...

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Transcript

#drawn by me #my fancomic #The Chain #Death Note #lawlight #L #Light Yagami #saucy shenanigans #smooch #Light’s Kira is showing #those face-sucking images were very intimidating to do #but they were fun after I got over it lol~ #I may share my other drafts of them making out and getting intimate that I did for this #it's pretty embarrassing XD #I gave up on the backgrounds. all that matters is that they're in an alley and there's a stack of boxes/wooden crates they utilize #happy early birthday L~ #they are macking normally I suppose #but I just couldn't bring myself to write the sound effects. you all know what making out sounds like yes? #wanted to write “smooch smooch smooch” but it felt ridiculous and probably would've killed the mood lol #the kissing does actually serve a purpose. Hint: It's why Light feels better about going to the next location #maybe I’ll get the next installment out before the end of the year. 😑

[californiannostalgia]

me, an abuse survivor, listening to laudna's conversation with delilah and finding it alarmingly relatable when laudna

1) keeps hold of her own moral codes but also relies upon the abuser as a valid source of advice (and doesn't realize why this is a weird place to go to for advice)

2) reverts to familiar coping mechanisms of the Past, when shit was real fucking bad

3) is unable to remember what made human relationships worth it

on the one hand: YES, HAHA, YES, THIS IS SO REAL, I AM BEING REPRESENTED

on the other hand: I have enough objectivity to realize this is not a great situation for laudna, and her behavior probably looks incomprehensible to someone who hasn't been subject to long-term abuse... (but this is accurate representation, the internal logic is water-tight, guys I swear it makes perfect sense)

#critical role #cr spoilers #c3e78 #laudna #delilah briarwood #tw abuse #my thoughts #tbh laudna is so much stronger than me bc if I'd heard my abuser/murderer's voice in my head and realized I couldn't get away from her #I would have killed myself (but maybe that's bc I don't have an imogen) #out of spite genuinely if I knew I could kill her I would've offed me #laudna is braver than me for real #ah trauma #child abuse

[syncast-err0r]

i don't remember posting this? lol

#the collector #the collector 2009 #the collection #the collection 2012 #asa emory #arkin o'brien #collectkin #my art xoxo #talking abr this in the tags just bc i feel like it anyways I've been watchjng the saw movies #and ik the collector was supposed to be a saw movie but i think it's a good call it didn't happen #bc i would've hated it #i hate jigsaw he's so annoying the collector is way better. bc asa doesn't fucking talk #jigsaw tho talks too much like holy shit just shut the fuck up and DIE #i guess the movies r good but holy fuck I'll kill jigsaw myself i don't care #he needs his mouth fucking shut u guys do not understand how much i want to strangle him to death

[spocks-kaathyra]

kind of Spock was so real for doing mind melds every other episode bc if I had the ability to link souls with another being and get some brief reprieve from the incurable existential isolation of being an individual then I'd be doing it at every opportunity too

#do u ever think abt how it's impossible to truly know anyone or to be truly known. I do #kind of this could also be odo. yeah man I would've had goo sex with that goo lady for 3 days straight. I get it. #can u imagine being part of the great link. can u imagine that level of connection......... #killing myself. we r all trapped inside our own skulls. I need to become one with another being. #narcissus's echoes

[camellcat]

WTFFF I thought thirteen would be my new girl crush love of my life heart eyes wife you-came-after-twelve-you-must-be-better-than-they're-all-saying bbygirl and then I had to sit down and watch as she told a man who (if he were not a murderer, of course) literally every regeneration before her would've LOVED and FULLY SUPPORTED that "the systems aren't the problem. how people use and exploit the system, that's the problem. people like you" </33333 !?!?

#WHERE IS THAT POST THAT SAID NINE WOULD KILL THIRTEEN FOR BEING A CLASS TRAITOR #WHY WOULD YOU SAY “ERODE PEOPLE'S TRUST IN AUTOMATION” ALL WORRIED AND CONCERNED LIKE THAT??? #WHEN DID YOU START LIKING AUTOMATION OVER PEOPLE THINKING AND DOING THINGS FOR THEMSELVES??? #AND WHY ARE YOU TRAVELING WITH A COPPER??? WE HATE COPPERS?????? #did we FORGET into the dalek?? how about how he treated danny?? god there's so much more I can't even remember off the top of my head #(I understand soldiers are different from cops but c'mon don't even PRETEND twelve would've been any nicer if blue or danny were just COPS) #also a bit off topic bUT MAY I JUST TALK ABOUT ARACHNIDS IN THE UK FOR HALF A GODAMNED SECOND— #I know the companions are usually the ones to do the doctor's dirty work here but like #I just can't see the other doctors NOT having the business man lure the spider for being so fuckin annoying about it #like I was genuinely surprised when they had him do that whole song and dance about not doing it and then he actually just. didn't do it #the doctor LOVES fucking with evil rich business men this is PERFECT. plus why not get back at him for being awful to their companions? #absolutely gobsmacked thirteen let him act like that. I am wrong in thinking that the others would've shut his shit down a LOT quicker?? #anyways. I love jodie whittaker and it's just so upsetting to have her doctor do something so wildly off #THIRTEEN PLEASE I HAD SUCH FAITH IN YOUUU I WAS IGNORING THE HATERS AND FOR WHAT #I can SEE the other doctors in her still I can FEEL them they're there she's doing an AMAZING job but. oh my god. what did they make her do #I can't even say she feels ooc as a whole because jodie is bloody brilliant. it's just these... moments. that don't make ANY sense to me... #especially coming off of twelve?? I get the radical personality switch but that belief is a core part of the doctor. or at least I THOUGHT #thirteenth doctor #doctor who #I still love all of you who love her and reading ur posts/fics but I. will not be making any myself. I do not think.

[p4nishers]

imagine having to shot at the love of ur life then having to act like it didn't fundamentally shift ur world view and make u want to cling to ur angel and never ever let go i would've killed myself

#crowley's god strongest soldiers for enduring that shit i would've turned the gun on myself #THE FUCKING TRUST IN AZIRAPHALES THO???? KILLED ME DEAD MURDERED ME RIGHT THERE #the fucking agony on crowley's face will stay w me forever #someone hold my hand im feeling an emotion #good omens #good omens s2 #azicrow #crowley #aziraphale #aziracrow #ineffable spouses #good omens 1941

[pleasegivejinlingabreak]

"jiang fengmian sending jiang cheng's dogs away was not such a big deal, jiang cheng was simply overreacti-

Stop, there. You've never had a dog, have you?

#Or a pet in general #Well I have had a dog before #and let me tell you #They literally become family #so stfu #Like #I know he only had them for like 3 days/weeks? #(i dont remember if they were days or weeks-) #But its enough #Yk that meme 'ive only had this puppy for a day and a half but if anything happened to him id kill everyone in this room and then myself'? #Well its not even exaggerating #That was me when my uncle got a puppy #MY UNCLE #IT WASNT EVEN MINE #AND I WOULD'VE KILL FOR HIM #If you dont feel attached to your pets thats on you my friend #But 10 y/o jiang cheng wasnt exaggerating #jiang cheng #jiang wanyin #canon jiang cheng #mdzs #mo dao zu shi #the untamed

[despite-everything]

i've never seen anyone so beautiful in my entire life

#if i'd fumbled him i would've killed myself fr #ofmd #ofmd2 #our flag means death #edward teach #tree talks

[gojosbf]

it still baffles me to this day that one night of shibuya was worth three years of trauma

#trust me if i was there i would've killed myself at that point #half of the hope? GONE DEAD BITCH #gojo nanami nobara gone in one night #ijichi ino heavily injured gone half of the normal population dead #todo retired left inumaki mia yuuji traumatized maki and her confidence shattered the whole jujutsu system collapsed #nah they were too strong to put up with that shit i could never #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #gojo satoru #geto suguru #itadori yuuji #nobara kugisaki #jjk ijichi #toge inumaki #kento nanami #jujutsu kaisen 2 #jjk s2 #jjk spoilers #jjk manga #jjk todo #the shibuya incident #jjk season 2 #jjk season two #jujutsu kaisen s2

[seoafin]

honestly I think of ddao a lot and your characterization of getou and gojo and it makes me kinda ache for all that could've been?? I think it's so interesting to see what they might have turned out like if certain...things...had never happened

it kinda reminds me of a quote from one of my favorite book series, the raven cycle, that's like 'adam keeps ronan honest and ronan let's adam be a total darling asshole' or something like that

anyway I stumbled across this video and I find it so interesting!! https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGJ7fYY1K/ personally how I interpret that is that gojo can truly be himself with getou, whereas when he uses 'boku' he's trying to be more considerate of other people, which shows a certain character growth but also isn't totally true to who he is. but what do you think? I also love your thoughts about their relationship

hello?????!?!?!?!? i didn't even realize he reverted to using ore with geto oh my god........that's actually...........😭

i've always kinda personally headcanoned that gojo modeled his behavior and speech patterns after geto after he left. i think on a level it can be considered character growth = gojo being more self aware about how he's perceived by others which is something he didn't have to worry about when he was with geto because geto always understood him. and i think when gojo was a teen he didn't really need anyone else to understand him, just geto. but i don't necessarily think that that means he's hiding himself. maybe just growing up. i think the fact that gojo refers to himself as ore probably subconsciously (at times of duress, with geto again the one person he's most comfortable with in the world) just goes to show that he's still that heartbroken teen at heart 😭 you can honestly interpret it in a lot of ways! i just can't without wanting to jump off the nearest building

#this along with gojo saying that he would've been satisfied had geto been there im going to kill myself #it sucks there's no way to differentiate pronouns in english #because i definitely think that when gojo gets carried away during sex he uses ore and the entire vibe changes #as in his speech becomes noticeably rougher #unfortunately this cannot be captured in english #ddao.ask

[bunnihearted]

☃️

#out of nowhere i just got reminded of how in 9th grade during a break i was sitting w my friend group nd studying #me nd one of my friends got into just a silly argument bc she was always trying to cause friction lol #then she suddenly got rlly mad nd it resulted in her throwing a book in my face #and saying that i should just go kill myself and make the world a better place #and all our other friends just silently started packing up their things nd then just left #she left too #so i fled to the bathrooms nd cried for a long time not wanting to go to class #i ended up being a bit late to class nd walking into the classroom w all of my 'friends' in there was so weird #i also told our teacher but she didnt believe me nd just said that she (the friend) would never say or do smth like that #if just one of those friends would've stayed and comforted me..... #idk i am oversensitive so even small things hurt me lol but this was such an unpleasant nd bad moment for me #i felt so alone.... nd like none of them would care if i did kill myself. bc none of the protested when she said that skskksks #anyway.. i rlly dont wanna think abt my school time at all but sometimes i have dreams abt them nd i wake up remembering :((((

[spursthatjinglejanglejingle]

My mom is homeschooling my baby sisters and whenever she goes "i wish i did this to you when you were their age" i feel sick. They're 11 and 10 and don't know basic algebra or what the fucking water cycle is.

#if i were homeschooled i would've killed myself. btw. #having friends that had normal parents was one of the major reasons I decided not to #vent tag

[verdiesque]

asking my mom to proofread an email i have to send to ask for job opportunities is so embarrassing like even writing the email makes me wanna crawl into a hole and then asking my mom to read it is even worse

#killing myself. this is so ridiculous i wish i didn't have to do it in my native language it would've been more impersonal and much #easier in english