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sillyguy99 · 3 months

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* don't look now, but i lost my shoe.

(Undertale Sans x Reader)

Chapter One: * what's with these homies, dissin' my girl?

[Index | Next]

Notice:

(This story is nearly 5 years old, and though it doesn't show my best work, I decided to post it, just because I stopped it at chapter 18, when there were only 2 more chapters left to finish it. So... I'm gonna give it another shot – making minor edits to make the plot less dramatic and angsty, lol.)

(***Also, since Tumblr has a more limited format: italic texts are from you, the reader, and bold texts are from others.)

• • • • •

You've changed.

The best thing your boss did was to give you that warning.

You shouldn't keep working for the law if you're just gonna be a traitor.

How am I a traitor?

You work 9 to 5, sometimes 8 to 6, for the benefit of monsters.

Now, all of a sudden, our sex life goes down the drain.

I haven't slept with you since you got that promotion, and that was two whole months ago.

I'm supposed to be your husband, but you've left me in the dry.

I'm tired.

And I refuse to sleep with someone who won't support me in my new job.

Or should I remind you said I wasn't a real detective?

That my degree's 'worth shit', simply because of the field I'm working in these days?

The rest is an ongoing, fruitless conversation you can't bother yourself with.

Through reading those texts for what has to be the twentieth time today, you sigh, hiccup, and close your eyes tight, lifting your face slightly to avoid letting tears fall.

Barely two hours are left until he comes home to drop off your child, and the mere thought that you have to sleep with him five hours after that makes your stomach twist and churn. You don't want to imagine him naked: panting, heavy, and on top of you again, doing whatever he pleases with little regards to your own limits. Nausea takes over – violent, making you open your eyes and suppress a gag.

You really, really don't want anything to do with him anymore.

Yet, he insists you should remain married until your child reaches their eighteenth birthday.

“At least wait until they're grown up,” he said. “Cuz what's six more years? Be honest with me.” Then, he chuckled. “As ugly as you frown when you see me, I doubt you hate me that much.”

That had been a year ago.

Would you really have to wait five more years until your freedom?

The thought sends chills down your spine.

While he was a good father, that adjective didn't really fit next to husband.

At the beginning of your marriage, yes – he was the best spouse you could ask for.

Now?

You'd rather eat drywall than have to spend a single second near him – without your child around, of course.

With your newest agreement, it felt more as if your husband were a client, his payment being not making your life hell, and your service what he claimed was something a wife should be willing to give twenty-four seven.

You shake your head and search for a distraction amongst the people surrounding the bar, aware you can only end up worse if you continue to dwell on the subject. The air presses down on you hot and heavy, a feeling that only increases the more time you stay seated without doing anything for your growing aches. Your sole companion is your mind when you realize you're too overcome with emotions to talk to someone without scaring them off. Chatter drowns out coherent thinking and sensory overload begins to show by how difficult breathing becomes. Seeking an escape route, you hold the bartender back with a raised hand and an 'excuse me'. Then, you ask him for some bottled water – the only kind he could touch willingly. Small embers flutter around the air as he turns around, leaving you alone with burning cheeks and a pounding headache.

Groaning, you pinch the bridge of your nose and blink through your blurry vision. Then, you adjust your glasses – despite knowing the excess shots have pretty much screwed you over already. The hour marked on your phone surfaces a sigh. How fast time seems to be going makes you notice you currently only have around an hour left before your husband arrives with your child. They would be staying with you while he went off to work, and the least you wanted was to look washed up for his arrival.

"need somethin' else, pal?"

You jolt at the new voice, deep and hearty.

Reluctantly, you cast your gaze up to see a skeleton monster standing behind the counter, now glossy with polish. His face is tough to make out with the blurriness, yet you can tell he's looking at you. From the way he stands behind the counter and the stuffy look his suit gives off with its pristine and exaggerated formality, you figure he's a new employee. His newbie appearance doesn't erase the warm and welcoming aura most bartenders appear to carry by default, however. Instead, it makes his smile and words more genuine in his approach.

It takes you a while to respond aside from shaking your head – mind hazy and disoriented. You thank him and sweep the water bottle off the counter, then turn the lid open, breathe in deep, and take a series of long, greedy gulps. Finally, you set it back down, more than half of it already gone.

One more screw up, and you were out of your job at the law department for good.

It doesn't help that you're currently hanging out at a place strictly and utterly forbidden by your boss: a hole-in-the-wall bar and grill establishment open to all, kept family-friendly during the day and becoming more daring during the night. It has been long since you ever drank alcohol of any sort, and it's beginning to show. You can hardly sit without tumbling pitifully to the side.

“hey.”

You're snapped back toward reality through the feeling of someone resting their arms over the counter, facing you and waiting for your return.

You frown and look up from the water bottle to see the same skeleton – his previous stuffy appearance appearing more natural now that he's taken off his tie and left two of the shirt's buttons unfastened.

"i’m no expert on humans, but you look like you could use someone to talk to."

You feel hazy again.

And whether due to the drinks or the heat, you're not too certain of.

But – right now – you're positive about one thing.

“U- Um…”

As you wipe a tear off your cheek and burst out half a sob and half a laugh, you realize you really could use someone to talk to.

“Thank you.”

#sans x reader #reader insert #undertale fanfiction #ao3 fanfic #weezer reference #female reader #chubby reader #detective reader #long fic #weekly updates #undertale x reader #sans undertale #classic sans #angst and fluff #slow burn

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cloudmancy · 11 months

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i don't want to be mean or anything but like. the cr/t/cal r/le girlies in the dimension 20 tag are just sending me like, i just Knew these people be just all over this season and diving in and dissecting every little detail and speculating for the larger picture (of six episodes) (plus a season that's already been out for a year) as though people like. haven't been having to Sit with the Very, Very unfinished/untold part of the world of this campaign setting for Years already? (the Widely Established Fanlore of it all XD) although that's also been also been folding in the face of. all the colin posts (like Specifically colin too past even colin+raphaniel or colin+deli). like they fell for the cr bait so hard- group of fans starved for mlm content based on their typical cr diet, see a guy (Just Some Guy) looking the way he was, see his mysterious past and divorce and arc and glowup and post-divorce talks and. yknow. whaddya gonna do. that's all they're gonna talk about when the EXPLICITLY mlm radish priest who's been grooming that VERY SAME cheese guy for five years is right there.

anyways i'm going to write all that off anon and pretend i'm not deathly scared of invoking the wrath of cr fans after that thing on twitter

IT'S ACTUALLY REALLY FUNNY YEAH. gonna address the colin part first then talk about my problems with the season under a spoiler. listen I think deli & colin are very real in that deli wants him SO bad but it's crazy that people are dancing around colin's whole thing with raphaniel. like what do you guys think was going on there 😭 'he's his babysitter' SAY IT OUT LOUD! he was fucking that radish

now for my thoughts about the plot and pacing of ravening war

I do not like that this season (that was supposed to be about a war covering 7+ years of intense political conflict and full-scale warfare involving every country in the continent) got boiled down to 2 massive timeskips & 3 battle episodes of five guys fucking around in a cave because the entire war was actually started by a secret cult. there were no battles involving the actual war + 1 skill check for entire 5 years at a time + almost nothing politics wise + they missed the ENTIRE climatic final push for the end of the war because they were underground. it's so poorly paced, I really don't know what to say. am I the crazy one here for wanting a season about the ravening war to be about the war? it just doesn't feel like the characters had any impact on the plot past episode 3 and they ONLY because they kill the queen of candia because a cult told them to. because we get alliances forged and broken and conflicts ended and rulers crowned within the span of a single sentence from the DM before we chug back off to the mycelium hivemind main plot. hot take but every season does not in fact need a plot twist big bad to fight

all of the characters in the season are genuinely the most interesting characters I've seen in YEARS. it's a goddamn shame we didn't get to spend more time with them. it sucks that each of them brought so much intrigue and backstory to the war, but every single one of them ended up contributing not much at all to the scale of the campaign because, again, the final boss turned out to be a cult within the top secret cult of mushrooms that was ALREADY a secret but there is also ANOTHER, more powerful deity to fight in the very last episode. we needed more episodes, or less time spent on battles. we needed to not bring on a DM known for having all the time in the world to wrap up years-long campaigns in 5 hour chunks at a time, for a 6 ep miniseason. we did not need two more powerscaled deities for no reason to a war that should have been about the people and not... random alien eldritch forces. we needed closure on amangeaux's child, we needed to know WHY raphaniel was poisoning the king and starting a war in the first place. aabria wrote a whole essay about karna's backstory that I would've loved to see in the show itself, but... we didn't get to see it! there were almost no politics. we did get 4 separate secret underground mushroom fights though. in a campaign about a war.

"real life is messy! not everything gets wrapped up neatly! it reflects real wars!" this is a dnd show sir and when you spend 20 minutes out of 12 hours of content actually talking politics and the rest of the time fucking around with mushrooms in a cave, it starts to look less like a deliberate artistic choice and more like poorly paced plot threads that didn't get a chance to finish.

#and do not get me started on how dirty the rocks sisters were done.#asks #i-can-do-tricks #ravening war

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dr-docktor · 5 days

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Local Docktor thinks its a fantastic idea to crossover his two biggest interests at the moment.

First for some context (don't worry, I'll keep it brief). One of my best friends has been working on a table-top RPG since like high school called Percentile. And its the main game that the group plays for our campaigns. Thus, it never leaves my head.

You know what else doesn't leave my head? Spies are Forever.

So here I am. Planning out what theoretical character sheets would look like for Owen and Curt. I'm so normal. I swear. Below the cut includes my insane ramblings on this topic.

I will also be playing a little fast and loose with some of the rules here because making character sheets in this game, while fun, is LENGTHY. And I'm insane but I'm not THAT insane

Ok so I want to start with Owen because I'm making him a mage and I LOVE building mages.

For the sake of simplicity I'm gonna keep 'em both human. (boring I know. but the list of ancestries is so long it almost overwhelms me for this)

To quickly explain the percentages: That is basically your rate of success on any given skill/action. So the higher the number, the more likely they are to succeed!

Owen's Stats

Power represents magic. POW is just another word for mana. And size mainly only impacts things like how easy you are to tackle/grapple and what spaces you can squeeze into.

So he's got 10 HP

14 POW

2 Soak (armor, it takes 2 points off of whatever damage they were hit with)

+28 initiative bonus (initiative dictates who goes first in combat. The higher your number, the more likely you are to go first)

and can move 5 squares per turn (turns last 6 seconds), or 6 if he runs.

All fairly standard for a human mage. The interesting stuff starts with choosing his spells.

In Percentile, the standard mage can have a few collections of spells called Spell Schools. They can only have one spell from each school prepared at once but can spend 6 hours a day switching them out safely (or do it within seconds if you wanna feel the consequences)

So here's the spell schools I think he'd have

BLAST -> its in the name, you get several spells that are just different types of blasts. So magical bullets, lasers, etc.

CHANGE -> He'd probably use this spell school mainly for his DMA disguise but instead of a mask he can physically change his appearance for several hours a day.

VISION -> Great for espionage and detective work. Spells include making you really good at looking for stuff, being able to see events that transpired previously within a room, and gathering information.

WOUNDING -> Gives him access to several magical bladed weapons. Good for Torture and homosexually sword fighting your ex lover.

really good... ouch.

Skills/knowledges are another story and are one of my least favorite parts of character building so I'll briefly go over it.

High intimidation, spot hidden (looking for stuff. almost every percentile character needs a decent spot hidden), move quietly, resist, and rapine (rapine is like sleight of hand, pickpocketing, handling small and/or delicate things)

Middling physical skills like jumping, climbing, etc. first aid, hide, and survival

Low grapple.

His knowledges would include

High performance (haha actor man), espionage, and literacy

Middling lore

Low cooking. and everything else. He can cook its just all post WWII British food which I think should qualify for being bad at it.

OK NOW FOR MY FAVORITE PART: Traits and Scars.

SCARS

his scars include more physical stuff like reduced hearing and chronic pain (player would roll a dice to see how bad the pain is that day to see if he needs to use a mobility device). But also include

Untrusting - CHAR INT based - compelled to roll an idea check to see if someone is lying every time he starts a new interaction with someone. On a fail he believes they are lying no matter what

POSSIBLE TRAITS

Magic Hair, for my long-haired Owen fans. Basically he has hair that's so cool it makes him more charismatic.

Strong Promises. Whenever the character makes a promise, they get a bonus to whatever stat that will help them achieve that promise.

Plotting. Whenever characters with this trait record or speak out a plan, it functions as if they practiced it for an additional day. Perfect for villain monologues.

Pull At Soul. Characters with this trait declare a goal during each level up. These goals can be something like “plan with everyone in the party about the mission & use that plan”, it can be “avenge my fathers killer” “seek out & find the sage” or more abstract things, “Die & be born anew in the eyes of my community” or “See the moon as it truly is”. They cannot tell any other characters about this goal. Once they achieve this goal as determined by them & the GM, anytime they are at 1 HP they can choose to level up.

Buddies! -> Select another character. Decide on a secret handshake, set of gestures, or exchange. It does not have to be uniform, but does have to be meaningful. Anytime you perform this with them, and one of you gains exhaustion, instantly both of you gain 1d3 to a stat. They do not have to be the same stat, select them when you take the maneuver. If the other dies, this trait is removed, granting the character back the trait points, and the character gains a -1d3 to that stat forever. (THE FUCKING HANDSHAKE)

I think that's all for Owen!!

It's Curt's turn!

God I was SO tempted to make him a Ragamuffin for this. But I'm sticking with humans. I don't even know why. I just think it would be funny. Something fun about the 'brute' being made of fabric and fluff.

Anyway. Stats!!

12 HP

8 POW (not important given he's a fighter and not a mage)

3 soak

+27 Initiative bonus

and can move 4 squares per turn, 6 squares if he's running.

Instead of spells, fighters get weapon proficiencies and maneuvers! Maneuvers are basically fancy fighting styles and actions.

Possible weapon options: Short sword (what they fight with in the show), a gun, and fisticuffs. Mages also get a weapon or two and tbh these could all apply to Owen too.

Possible maneuvers:

Taunt -> It is what it says on the tin, mock your opponent to try and make them get sloppy and target you instead of your allies.

Reckless Strike Back -> When dodging an attack, you can take one extra damage to attempt to hit your opponent back. If you fail you take extra damage.

Induced Sloppiness -> Make yourself unpredictable! on a success you get bonuses to damage and to land hits. Those attacks are really difficult to parry and dodge. On a fail your opponent gets a bonus to parrying and dodging.

Dodging into My Blade -> you must have this maneuver readied. If you opponent dodges your or your allies attack while this is readied, you can basically say "Lmaoooo" and attack them again

Skills!

High physical stuff like jumping and climbing, resist, move quietly, hide

Middling intimidation, spot hidden, repine, and grapple

Low first aid (scared of own blood) and listen.

Knowledges!

High linguistics, cooking, and espionage

Middling riding arts (for cars and stuff)

Low almost everything else (doesn't mean he's dumb. Fighters just aren't built for having a ton of knowledges)

Possible Scars!

Alcoholic - CON based - Roll a withstand check upon the GM's orders to see if you feel the urge to take a drink. On a fail you either take a swig or suffer withdrawal

Bad With Magic - POW and CON based - Anytime characters with this scar roll a check involving power expenditure, the GM describes it as if they are deeply unsettled by it, that it seems strange, random and scary, and that they are somehow making a mistake, regardless of what the magic does, how it functions, or if they succeeded or not.

Possible Traits!

Poison Blood -> Anyone eating characters with this trait takes 1d6 necrotic damage per SIZ consumed, and the character can take 1 HP from themselves to coat weapons in their blood, which deals 1d4 necrotic damage or stuns the enemy for 1d4-1 turns. It will add this effect to 1 attack until it dries in 3d6+CON turns. (something something alcohol-poisoned blood)

Sturdy -> While at max HP characters with this trait cannot be reduced below 1 HP in one hit.

Natural Jester -> Anytime characters with this trait crit fail any check, anyone who witnesses it must roll a withstand check or be stunned for 1 turn.

Fast to The Fight -> Add +3 to initiative rolls (can be taken more than once)

There's actually a TON of traits that could fit Curt but I'm capping it off here because I will go overboard.

Anyway thanks for reading! Sorry if any of this is incomprehensible.

#docktor's note #spies are forever #owen carvour #long post #curt mega #ttrpg #saf #I did NOT proofread this so this might just be incomprehensible nonsense #good luck to any brave soul who decides to decipher any of this #the way I posted the same stats twice and just didn't notice... anyway it should be fixed now

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kagiura-akira · 7 months

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thibking about the parent AU and I have headcanons but I've been doing a shit ton of technical writing all day (aka my job - im a technical manager for a chemistry lab so I do a lot of report writing, and I wrote a quality event report today that drained my will to live and my ability to adhere to a certain level of grammatical standard).

So here are some thoughts about Kagihira and their daughter for the purposes of further developing my Kagihira parent AU in the form of rambling under the cut

When Asami is old enough to start looking into high schools, Kagi doesn't say it but he keeps slipping brochures for places near home so she doesn't go off to live in the dorms and leave him sad and alone. 🤣 He also isn't ready for his only daughter to experience love at the tender age of 14-15, so when he thinks of the dorms he equates them to a romantic experience for obvious reasons. LOL he knows realistically that he and Hirano were outliers but he's still got his reservations.

He urges her to go to an all girls school because "All boys are animals! I know that much," to which Hirano replies with an obvious "You know that doesn't mean she won't date, right? *Gestures vaguely to the space between himself and Kagi, in reference to their high school romance*

He adds, "She's in junior high in a coed school now. Kids her age are already dating. What difference does it make if she goes to a coed school in high school too?"

To which kagi's heart very nearly stops when he's reminded that kids date in middle school too 🤣

"No... not my baby." 😱

"She's 14, Akira. She's our baby but she's not a baby." 🥱

For as straight laced as he was growing up, Hirano is the most relaxed between the two when it comes to parenting. While neither are strict, she's self-driven much like Hirano, enough that they don't feel the need to hover much. Kagi will always hover when it comes to boys though (not once does it occur to him that he should be looking out for potential love interests of other genders, despite the fact that he's married to a man), and Asami purposefully talks about fictitious boys from her class that she "likes" just because she likes to mess with him.

Asami stopped calling Kagi "Daddy" when she was around 6 or 7. His heart nearly stopped because she started calling him "Dad" instead, but Hirano got to stay "Papa." He cried on Hirano's lap for an hour while hirano read a book (he was definitely listening, yes, what would make anyone think he wasn't?)

They adopted a puppy when Asami was 4 or 5, then a kitten a few months later. I'm not gonna spend too much time dwelling on their names or breeds but they are exactly the same cat and dog dynamic as I described in the kagihira pet analysis post (aka a cat that loves dogs)

Hirano is an aeronautical engineer (in other words, he designs planes).

Kagi has his own physical therapy practice, where most of his patients are professional athletes.

Kagi coaches little league basketball for girls. He hadn't considered it until Asami wanted to join their local basketball club and he had to step in for the previous coach while they were at an away game without a backup, but he ended up liking it. He ended up taking over the job from said coach and does it part time alongside his PT business now. It means he gets home late a lot, but Hirano doesn't mind if it makes both kagi and asami happy to have the chance to bond over basketball.

From the time she was 6 or so, Asami has begged for a younger sibling. "Asa-chan, because both Daddy and Papa are men, that will be a lot harder. We had to go through a lot just to have you." (Asami wasn't adopted - she was an IVF baby so she is blood related to one of them, I just don't want to pick which one because I don't know myself how I'd want that to work really).

They do discuss having another (baby fever, y'know), but I don't have a sibling planned ATM for Asami.

#kagihira parent au

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a-flickering-soul · 2 years

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spg anon here once more: i am now in love with rabbit and i would die for her

also if you have any links to good places to read the lore at, i would be welcomed to get them! i have read the storyline and timeline on their website and have read the comics so far and im just in love with this entire concept

Beloved SPG Anon, I feel like us Rabbit Spouses (TM) should start a union because our collective wife puts us through so much daily. And yes! I can definitely provide some links aside from the website and comics!

A fair warning beforehand: a lot of these resources, especially the older ones, do reference Mike Reed and Steve Negrete, both of whom have left the band after rather upsetting behavior. I won't go into it here, but it's pretty easy to find reasons why. Please take the necessary precautions beforehand if this is something that could trigger you.

A GREAT resource is going through the Internet Archive and plugging in http://www.steampoweredgiraffe.com and clicking around. A good addon is /cavalcadium, which will bring you to their old lore hub, as well as any /CHARACTERNAME.html (i.e. "/Upgrade.html") to bring you to a character-specific page. I don't remember what date saves are especially good, but if you click around you should see some good stuff. Definitely recommend spending a lot of time here, since you'll find the most lore here as far as I know!

Another cool resource is the Reddit SPG Lore Sundays Bunny did, which are linked here (1), (2), (3), (4).

Their YouTube channel has some nice videos and playlists explaining some lore/in-jokes, as well as some aspects of the Vice Quadrant. Their podcast has some bits of lore, but it's mostly them fucking around for an hour, so YMMV. There is an in-character improv radio show with the characters if you're interested though here! The Youtube clips of their performances are really fun but not as lore-heavy aside from a few one-off jokes. The major exception to this is the Malfunction Incident featuring a flashback to the Weekend War (there's another significant malfunction in the Walter Robotics Expo liveshow video, which is $5 for the full recording and IMO well worth it).

Their Tumblr @officialsteampoweredgiraffe has some really interesting bits of lore as well, but you will definitely have to dig for it. I personally recommend starting at the very last page and working your way forward, since the blog nowadays just autoposts new podcast eps.

@emmi-kat has done some phenomenal lore masterposts too, and I can link some here and here off the top of my head.

They also have a Patreon with content dating back like ten years or something?? I haven't gotten into it yet but I plan to and I have a feeling there's a lot of cool stuff in there. If you're interested, the lowest tier iirc is like $1.

That's all I can think of right now, but I'm gonna maintag this as an open invitation for anyone with more resources to add on, because I would like to know too! My literal second post in the SPG fandom was 'hey guys where can i find lore because it's impossible' so trust me, I know the feeling.

#spg #steam powered giraffe #answered #anonymous #hope this helps!! this is all i could think of off the top of my head #man. man. daily i do learn new stuff abt spg lore.#please anyone who sees this do add on resources!! for my sake as well as spg anon please i am dying here #mild self promo im working on answering a p comprehensive ask abt automaton backstories so when that posts u could read that if u want....

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thealleydog · 1 year

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Once again, I'm heated. This a vent/rant.

Hate the word "triggered", but your girl got triggered today.

Now, I'm preparing to clear out my Facebook friendslist because nobody gave a damn about or checked in on me all these years. It's always been me messaging and liking and reacting and only messaging me to see if they can get tattooed. So I'm giving it til my laundry is done and folded and then I'm cleaning shop. It'll only be a close friends and family account that will be private and I'll never fucking post on there again just to be a bitch.

It's only when I can tattoo, and now I'm worth contacting that people wanna hit me up. It's been years. Some of them 2 years. Some of them 5 years. Some of them 12+ years. Kill yourselves.

Now EVERYONE is gotta follow my Instagram like EVERYONE else and fucking book WITH A DEPOSIT and gimme your fucking money and GET OUT. You're just another ghost in my life that is only temporary before I call a priest on your ass.

And I'm gonna start posting my art here, too. I'm gonna annoy every last one of you with my reblogs so like my shit. Because I am sick of posting on Instagram these tattoos I'll spend 7+ hours, just for them to be struggling to get almost 100 likes, but the fucking red outline I did of your zodiac sign the size of my middle finger nail gets 400+ on a reel.

Listen to me, don't listen to me. It don't matter. I just need to vent before I watch British Baking Show to cool off. And some fucking cake would be nice, but I'll deal with this red velvet cookie I got.

#all because my mom tried to call me #rant

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lumilasi · 2 years

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I have more questions!!!! @3@ beware my dude:

1. how would jurou spend the day with his kids

2. what’s the most silliest and romantic thing raitei has ever done

3. what does Claudes hair-routine look like

4. what is toshikos favorite food

5. does katana have a hidden skill?

6. How does Caelan see his new siblings?

7. Does Silas has a type?

8. How many hours does milo spend napping or eating

9. Would Akiko consinder to do a girls night with Toshiko and hitomi?

10. what was hanabis parents reaction to her first explosion

11. how many explosions in one das did hanabi cause

12. Can shou glide with his cape

13. Can Taiga be her own pillows and would she be a pillow for Youko

14. Would Azure ever not notice that a mosquito is attached to his arm

15. Can Chouma cook?

16. Apart from kiyoi, who is Yoruga protective at?

17. when is yume not grumpy

18. could yaguro chirb like moths do?

19. Apart from taiga who is hanzukos favorite

20. how many hours/ minutes a day does angus roast belladonna

Ohh boyy, here we go, you really ran with this lol;

Whatever they wanna do, have tea, go to a picnic, etc.

He's too dumb to be consciously romantic/suave with it, and tbh Toshiko isn't a huge romantic herself, so probably something like digging a bunch of flowers from someone's garden and bringing them to her (in dog form) She'd get a laugh out of that

Wake up, brush the hair off your face, done. It's naturally like that lol

I haven't thought of that yet tbh

Buddy, she's a pro demon hunter who was/is in a relationship with another demon hunter AND an assassin/pro thief. She has maaany hidden skills I'm not allowed to talk about hehehehe

He's happy being a big brother, although he's pretty busy so he doesn't spend time with them often

Jinko (post main-story) but in a more serious note; he's generally more likely to be attracted to kind of temperamental, determined and passionate people, because its something familiar and comforting to him due to being surrounded by people like this growing up, from family members to friends. (by temper I ofc don't mean like...abusive people, just ones who're ready to throw hands to defend their loved ones or what they believe in lol)

It depends. Also with food its not about how long, but how much lmao

She would absolutely try to rope her sis into it, Toshiko might be reluctant at first due to being socially awkward tho

Vincent = Laughs once he's certain she's okay. Haname = "oh dear...."

her current record is 7

Kind of, it's actually his telepath levitation; it's just because its a cape it might look like he's using it to glide, when its just his power lol

She has used her tail as a pillow (before switching to her much bigger and warmer BF) and yes she would let Youko do that.

if you mean Youko, ofc he notices. Mainly so she won't drink too much or he won't accidentally harm her; he's a BIIIG boy after all. If you mean an actual tiny ass mosquito, no, he wouldn't even notice lmao

Not really.

Overtime, Kouya as well. It starts out as this awkward "my friend likes you so I'm gonna be nice to you as long as you're nice to him" and evolves into "Oh, we're friends too now, didn't expect you to like me tbh, I know I can be a bit much."

When she's drunk, when she's relaxed, when she's asleep, when she gets to roast certain people hehehehe

Probably, though out of all the moth spirits only Mari and Yoruga actively do it. Mari sometimes makes a noise when startled, and Yoruga does all sort of shit for funsies

Amalia, as she's the primary source of getting followers. Azure due to some history between him and his ancestors. Konjou as he watched the kid grow up.

Angus doesn't do it that much actually. He just seizes an opportunity when he sees one. It's not so much about time spend (again, callback to the Milo thing lol) but quality. He only strikes when it hurts the worst. (context: Belladonna is Angus' boss, but she's done some things in regards to her son Konjou that Angus despises her for, and absolutely loves to rub it in her face that Konjou hates her as a result. He OFC is not innocent in this tho, given he didn't do much anything to stop her, but since he is someone with limited empathy/villain, he just did not care about Konjou enough at the time to help more. "not my child, not my responsibility" kind of thing)

#ask me stuff #sheep mom #my friend #you had a field day with this eh #my ocs

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satinofsundays · 2 months

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40 questions to ask your self every year || 2024

How did you spend Christmas?

Did you fall in love this year? Only with myself <3

Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? No, I don’t hate anyone.

What was your favorite show? Superstore!

What was the best book you read? .

What was your greatest musical discovery of the year? .

What was your favorite film? .

What was your favorite meal? The baked feta and tomato meal with pasta.

What did you want and get? Herbs, books about herbs and tincture bottles to make tinctures. And products for the shop.

What did you want and not get? A steady job and a car.

What did you do on your birthday? Well, last year was really fun, so I tried to do it over again. When I suggested the same type of party someone spoke about another party and it ended up with me not being invited to that party even though it seemed like I was gonna be. So... I did not celebrate. I don't remember if I celebrated anywhere else to be honest. Hm.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? A car to drive my orders to the post office in.

How would you describe your personal fashion this year? Madame, and all black.

What kept you sane? My new lifestyle!

Which celebrity/public figure did you admire the most? Kate Siegel.

What political issue stirred you the most? The war between Palestine and Israel.

Who did you miss? Not who, but what. I did miss my life from when I was younger. The freedom to just jump in a car and go somewhere and people would join. - I did not really feel this before I finally started getting my workhours in order. I now get up early in the morning to work and be done by 2-4PM, and have set up boundaries so that I do not work after that. It has made life seem a bit empty. There is nothing happening after 3PM. I have been used to work 24/7 for many years. Since I started college in 2017 actually. It has been healthy and good for me because being busy did not leave room for people and being with people has been a horror due to my OCD. It was relieving, but it's not so nice now. I think this is healthy. I am wishing to be with others again. That is good. I actually noticed an invite to "girlfriends Christmas party" on Facebook a few hours ago and I just knew. I'm going!

Who was the best new person you met? A lady from the Phillipines at work. She's 5 years younger than me, and so cool, happy and laughing <33

What valuable life lesson did you learn this year? If you get a no, you are talking to the wrong person.

What is a quote that sums up your year? "Show how strong you are in hard times and you can thrive in any times" - Fearless Motivation

[Written and posted November 14th 2023]

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totaldramafan-lauri · 3 months

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My Top 5 Songs in Hazbin Hotel (season 1)

W-well.....it's been a week since the finale, and while Hazbin still occupies a lot of my thoughts, I've mostly calmed down and have returned to thinking about my other hyperfixations alongside it again. Now that I'm not reeling with excitement anymore and I've rewatched the episodes and have let all the details sink in.....I have a few posts I wanna make!

This is the first one I wanna do. I LOOOOOVE the music of Hazbin to flipping DEATH. You can tell this is a show that was made by people who adore musicals and wanted to embody that in their show. Two songs per episode, and not a SINGLE dud. I mean it! While I have my personal favorites, I can say with confidence that every single song in this season is GREAT. I can easily see each song being someone's favorite, and I can see soooo many fans having unique top 5s filled with songs outside of mine. The soundtrack is THAT varied. There's something for everyone!

B-but, yeah, these are MY personal favorites. I'm not expecting my opinion to be the popular one, I just wanna show appreciation for five songs I love and have been playing on repeat since I first heard them. Anyone who's been around me during Eurovision season knows how much I love rambling about music I love, even if I'm by no means a music critic. It's just something I LIKE doing, and am maybe a bit passionate about too. S-so, if you disagree with me, that's fine! ^^

I-if you're interested in what I have to say, then feel free to read, as long as you know that I'm a rambler, so...be warned. Here we gooooo~!

"Poison"

Yup, can confirm, I'm still obsessed with this song. I haven't been listening to it AS often since the other songs came out, mainly cuz they're newer and I wanna spend more time with them, but I still go through withdrawal when I don't listen to this song a few times a day. Fittingly, it's....well, addictive to me! I-I can't help it....When this song was released on its own in early January it blew my mind! I did NOT expect this kinda song from Hazbin! Before it, I was fully expecting all the songs to be in the vain of Broadway, like "Happy Day In Hell" was. So, when this song hit, and I listened to it for the first time, my synthwave-loving heart was smitten within the first few seconds. It was love at first listen! I-I listened to this song on repeat for TWO HOURS STRAIGHT when it was new, and even after that, I could BARELY pull myself away from it for long for the next week. To say I was frothing over this song would be an understatement. And that was only because of the beat and instrumentation! That was enough to make me love it, like....I can say that even if I had never heard of Hazbin, I would still love this song.....but not only that, the lyrics are also FANTASTIC and make me feel so badly for Angel, showing how he blames himself for the situation he's trapped in. The first verse and chorus making it sound like he's having a good time, only for the second verse and chorus to start showing the cracks, and the ending absolutely gut-punching you by showing you the real him, with absolutely amazing voice acting. It's the perfect progression. And it hits even harder when you get the visuals along with it....

N-not gonna lie.....The scene that this plays in is hard to watch. That's not a complaint, since it was clearly the point, but....y-yeah, while I adore the song, I do tend to look away during its part in the episode. I love LISTENING to it on its own, but watching it is another story. Still my favorite song, but if you were introduced to it within the episode, I can definitely understand why it wouldn't be yours.

If I do have one complaint with this song, it's the lack of bridge. While a lot of great Hazbin songs are short, this is one that feels like it SHOULD be a full-length song, but isn't. However, this doesn't actually bother me. Never has. It's perfect as it is, it's just more of a "what if" thing, really.

2. "Stayed Gone"

When it comes to songs that feature Hazbin's resident scene-stealer, Alastor, you have two choices to pick from (W-well, there IS his amazing verse in "Finale", but I'm talking about songs where he's one of the main singers), and this is easily my favorite of the two. "Hell's Greatest Dad" is catchy and fun and all, but at least to me, it PALES in comparison to "Stayed Gone". I love this song to flipping death, holy crap. I can't WAIT to see Vox be the main villain of season 2 as Viv told us. I NEED to see more of this rivalry, cuz it gives me LIFE. I wanna talk about Vox as a character in another post, but in short, I really ended up liking him. The way he tries to be all cool and collected, but LOSES HIS MIND when Alastor comes up is extremely entertaining. The way he's so insecure about being rejected, yet tries to act like he doesn't care, it's great. Just the way he laughs nervously when he says "Where's he been? Who gives a shit!?" says it all. His VA is amazing. But really, Alastor just steals the show here, like he always does....The main reason why I like this song more than "Hell's Greatest Dad" is Alastor's demeanor here. H-he's SO confident and in control the whole time....acting so effortlessly level-headed as he puts Vox on blast, calling him out for his insecurities, his reliance on the other Vees, AND him still not being over being rejected all in one perfect verse....and then, capping it all off with that incredible, chilling ending, that ominous warning that he's got more in store, and he can't wait to have his fun....Easily my favorite single verse of the whole soundtrack. Exactly the kinda thing I wanted from the Radio Demon....J-just....the fact that he hijacked Vox's diss track on him, flipped it around, and ended it with THAT.....Holy crap....just....wow. Perfect....

A-also, this song is just....incredibly quotable, too? SO many memorable moments-

-Vox's drawing of Alastor -"Now his medium is getting bloody rare! *holding a plate of venison*" -"Clout-chasing mediocre video podcast" -"Every day, he's got a new format!" "You're looking at the future, he's the SHIT THAT COMES BEFORE THAT!" -"I said no and now he's pissy, that's the tea!" -"Uh-oh, the TV's buffering~"

Overall, I can't get enough of this song. It's a VERY close second. The only reason I put it below "Poison" is that this is a ranking of the songs as songs specifically, and "Poison" is easily the song I listen to the most on its own more than this one. To compare them, "Poison" is my favorite song to listen to, while "Stayed Gone" is my favorite song to watch in context. It's probably one of my favorite scenes of the whole season! The song's great, but the episode around it, knowing the characters, makes it even better. If you aren't a huge Alastor fan, I can't see this being one of your favorites, but if you are, it will most likely be. It's not really a song that can stand on its own without you knowing the characters.

3. "Hell Is Forever"

Now that Adam's dead, and we know we won't have to worry about dealing with him in the second season (unless he's in flashbacks)....we can come together and agree that this song is a flipping BANGER, right? I mean, holy crap, this song blew me away when I first heard it in a similar vain to "Poison". I heard it, and immediately knew I had to hear it again. I did NOT expect a song this epic in the first flipping episode. This sounds like a song you'd hear during the CLIMAX of some shows, it's so big. Seriously, it's BIG! Like, the way this song builds is incredible! That's the best part about it! I love a good rock song to begin with, and I LOVE the chorus, but then the song just kept topping itself! Each separate part- first chorus, great, second chorus, great, then it RAMPS UP with the instrumental break ("GUITAR SOLO FUCK YEEAAAAH"), clap along part, and FLIPPING KEY CHANGE ("Fuckin' HELL is forever, and it's meant to suck a lot!") that STILL gives me chills! This song has SO MUCH packed into it, it's crazy! It feels complete in a way a lot of other songs don't. This is the song that makes me wish I knew more music terminology cuz of just how many parts it has. I don't really care for Adam as a character, even if he does do his job at being a hatable villain, and cuz of that, for a while I was a bit ashamed of loving this song so much...but y'know what? Why SHOULD I be ashamed? Yeah, I don't agree with him, but I'm happy he gave us this song. AMAZING chorus, great buildup, just a dang epic song and I will NOT apologize for loving it! This is probably THE song I've been singing along with the most recently. It feels great to just....belt, even if I don't agree with the lyrics. XD

4. "Out For Love"

First off, I LOVE Carmilla's voice. Every song she's in gets bonus points from me by just her being in them. I can't explain why, I just find her voice very ear-pleasing. Part of that might be how distinct it is, but I know that's not the only thing....in any case, she's great. She's my second-favorite singer in the cast (after Alastor, of course). But even if she wasn't the one singing this song, I would STILL ADORE IT. This is a song that lives on its melody rather than its vocals, and holy CRAP is it catchy. The chorus, particularly the "LooooOOOoove, lo-o-o-OVE"s, live in my head rent-free. I also just tend to adore energetic fight songs and training songs, and this one definitely succeeds in hyping me up! It's a great song to put on when I need an energy boost cuz of how much of a punch it packs! The lyrics are great too, really tying Carmilla and Vaggie's motivations together as well as giving me inspo for my writing (let's just say that fighting for someone you love becomes relevant in the fic I'm working on, so...bias). It's too bad that this song is SOOOOOO SHORT! It's not even two minutes long! I would've loved for it to be longer! But, I guess not all songs can be long....*grumble* doesn't mean I can't be at least a bit bummed....I-I can't put this song on my playlist only cuz of how short it is....but for what we got of it, it's still incredible.

Also, I know that I'm only listing the songs here, but I do still wanna mention the visuals for this song, and how COOL they are. The choreography, ugh, it's soooo pretty! Carmilla is magnetic to watch, and I hope we get more of her in season 2!

5. "Respectless"

"That was a productive meeting!"

OK, n-now that that obligatory comment is outta the way, heh....

Yet another song that's shorter than two minutes, yet still packs a heck of a punch! This song being as catchy as it is is even more impressive than with "Out For Love", cuz unlike that song, this one has no chorus! It's just a short conversation in song form, that's all....and it goes SO unnecessarily hard!? Carmilla's voice is amazing like always (Her coming in mid-song with "You and the Vees are inane and uninfoooormed" is probably my fav part of the song), and Velvette absolutely crushes it here, calling out the older Overlords for being scared to fight and calling into question Carmilla's apprehension given that she's the one who makes guns for a living. Velvette's a brat, but she's smarter than you think she is, and I like that a lot. This song does lose a bit of impact following the finale, knowing that she doesn't follow through with any of what she says here and sits out the extermination with the other Vees, so....that's unfortunate, but this song still KILLS. It's basically an Establishing Character Moment for her, letting you know exactly the kind of person she is- confident, childish yet somehow smart, and showing her domain being social media by throwing in "I'm the hashtag bitch" and "Sorry bae, but I ain't swipin' right". This song makes you wanna see more of her, which we'll hopefully get next season! But honestly, that's all just the cherry on top for me. The main reason this song's one of my favorites is just the beat. I can't really explain what makes a song catchy, but....yeah, this song's catchy catchy CATCHYYYYYYY. All there is to it. It makes my monkey brain that likes catchiness happy.

And there we go, my five favorite songs from Hazbin Hotel! Like I said, I like all the songs in the show, these are just my favorites, and I hope you enjoyed me rambling about why I love them all just so, so much! But, I do have some honorable mentions that I also love almost as much, sooooo.....here's the rest of my top ten, if you're curious!

6. "Finale" 7. "You Didn't Know" 8. "Loser, Baby" 9. "More Than Anything" 10. "Whatever It Takes"

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel spoilers #(contains talk of what happens in the finale)#opinions

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dashawfrostart · 4 months

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This Week In "Time & Again" #9: LINEART IS DONE!!! And My Adventures With Krita Assistants! [Longread warning]

First things first! It took me a while (again) to make yet another one post, but taking a small social hiatus was totally and utterly worth it, let me tell you!!! Because here's the news:

THE LINEART FOR CHAPTER 5 IS COMPLETELY DONE!!! Yaaaaaay!!! 🥳

(happy cheering, happy music playing (my personal favourite is Skinny Puppy - very happy indeed), sounds of jolly hand clapping, and a cake, somebody please bring in the cake!.. wait... the cake is a lie... 😱 hmmm, every time I refer to this joke, I want to alter it and say, "A pie is a lie, but the cake is fake!" Personally, makes me happy, but also makes me sound a bit like Mad Hatter to everyone around😅 which is fine, I love "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland")

Not gonna lie, it feels like I spend a little bit more time on lineart alone comparing to what I've been expecting from myself: different factors have contributed to the delay, and among of them was a short-term loss of a creative spark as well (which is always incredibly unpleasant, yaaarrrr!), but nonetheless! It is done!!! And let me tell you - it is done in style 😎 Ich bin sehr froh 🥳 However, contrary to what I've just written above simply for fun, it's not time to celebrate just yet. I'll probably take a small 24 hour break from my project - to take a breather and recalibrate my brain to successfully switch to colouring mode, ya know - and I'll just keep working on it to keep up the pace! The Colouring Stage is waiting for me, wheeeeeee!!! ... Wait, but so happened I already had my 24 hours off drawing yesterday. 🤔 WELL, NO TIME TO SPARE NOW: BACK TO WORK!!!...

But only after I'm done writing this post, for I have a moral obligation to finish it up 😁

So, earlier I promised to share my experience with Krita Assistant Tool with you. This is going to be very technical, so prepare yourselves, happy folks. Here goes.

I've used Krita's Assistant Tool before. I started to use it quite extensively as the work on Chapter 2 began, for I had to represent strictly geometric shapes of rooms, and corridors, and even the whole floors, for almost the entire set of events was happening indoors. In a peculiar place. The entirety of Chapter 1 with the exception of, say, 2 or 3 panels at most, took place within Lothar's mansion in Sweden. That one also required quite a few geometric shapes, but for some reason I did well without any help of Assistant Tool - I don't remember for sure by now, but I only used it briefly for some panels/frames. And it did not require anything particularly complex then. Mind you, during the development of Chapter 1 I've been still learning my newly obtained graphic tablet - that was the first time I ever used one (and now I don't want to go back to neither mouse and keyboard drawing or a "blind" tablet - eff that! 🤣). In this respect, Chapter 2 was a game changer. I wanted to raise the plank further up and challenge myself to do even better with the perspectives of urban buildings and interiors. And since approximately that time, I believe, Assistant Tool has become a precious little helper for me. Thank you so much, Krita devs!

As you can see in the documentation, Assistant Tool has many features and different modes. I primarily use those tools to draw perfect - or almost perfect - urban perspectives, for those might be a bit tricky to do right off the bat. However, some of those tools might be used in a non-conventional or less expected ways. Let me show you some of my experiments with them.

Starting off with the basics, of course.

Above you can see the screenshot that illustrates how I used to normally set up the perspective assistant grid for the more correct view of a room - I've been doing that very thing beginning from Chapter 2. Basically I create a bunch of perspective grids and join them to create an imitated 3D view of a room. That really helps a lot.

I mentioned a certain video tutorial that really helped me out on my journey of meowstering - sorry, mastering the Assistant Tool in a way that's helpful to me. It was this incredibly helpful little video I watched trying to figure out how to build a one point perspective view for one of the panels I challenged myself to draw. However... I discovered something else instead: Parallel Rulers and an obvious "Snap To Assistants" function. Both of which are super helpful to use. I never paid attention to "snap to assistants" before. Now I wonder why 😅

Parallel Rulers help to draw totally straight lines when working on a perspective view - like the one that I was having a hard time dealing with when trying to portray an extremely skewed backstreet perspective. All of that is done without the use of the Line Tool.

While parallel rulers are something that I'm still learning and practising, the self-explanatory "snap to assistants" is an excellent function that just makes your life significantly easier.

I used a combination of Ellipse and Vanishing Point with "snap to assistants" function on to create spectacularly precise and nice looking sports wristwatch for Lothar. This is just how I love it: extremely geometric and correct, but with slight imperfections that make it lively and natural, with a visible hand-drawn "fluctation" to the outlines:

For example, here's a good comparison for you to see what I'm talking about: to the left it's a gif illustrating how I drew the wristwatch outlines with an Assistant with Ellipse setting that snaps to the assistants, and to the right there's a gif showing how to do the same (but way worse) simply using the separate Ellipse Tool using the same brush as an outline. Behold the difference:

For the record, I used the same neat trick to draw the nice lines around that "Hit!" special effect on another one page, to make it look cleaner and more professional:

Spline is yet another one type of assistant that might come in handy in certain situations, for some artists. In my case this time, I used it so add extra thickness to a certain line that has already been drawn to make it look more appealing and lively:

Thus, instead of trying numerous times to reproduce the same brush stroke (and inevitably failing at it repeatedly) to add just a little thickness to already existing stroke, one can simply draw a Spline "vector path" on top of it, turn "snap to assistants" on and draw a perfect, non-shaky line that doesn't stray somewhere you don't want to. Neat-o! If you're somewhat familiar with vector software (like I am), using Spline and making it exactly the shape you need is easy-peasy: it has two handles so that you could adjust the position and the curve of the assistant line. Works exactly as a basic Bezier Curve. Super simple!

That's gonna be enough for now. Since this post has grown fairly large in size (I never change, eh?), I'm thinking about taking a longer break in posting again. So I might return in about 2 weeks with more news on how the colouring of Chapter 5 is going!

Stay tuned, and have fun! Lothar is on his way back to you, and Jeanny will follow up, too 😉 Take care!

#TimeAndAgainbyDWF #This Week In Time And Again #krita #wips #graphic novel

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this-is-lightning · 5 months

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so folks! the holidays start tomorrow and it's not gonna be easy for many of the queers who have to see/ spend a significant amount of time with their families.

so I decided to make a little personal post and tell you from on queer to another that it will get better I promise you.

this year two pretty significant things happened in my life. 1 I got my ba degree (finally yay!) and I started dating a girl for the first time in my life.

they are both nearly equally important. 1 I had hard time in university. corona, my neurodivergence and my demanding study program manifested itself in a grade a burnout eventually. but this year I finished! so to all those people struggling out there: it's get better, it's not easy but I promise you can do it, there still a life worth living for you out there.

2 I started dating for the very first time in my life, mind you I'm in my mid 20s now. so to all the people who pressure themselves about dating, don't. take your time, life's not running away, you'll meet some amazing people in your life, it's gonna be just fine when that special someone appears. you are loveable and loved just how you are I promise.

now here is the very lesbian clichee story of me and my girlfriend: we've know each other since we were 6. went to primary school together and where fast friends quickly. we both had no idea that loving another girl was a thing yet. but I'm pretty sure I loved her back then already. she moved away before we started middle school. promised to keep in touch (by letter mind you) wich didn't work out. but I thought of her often and tried to reach her somehow over the years. to no avail sadly. but then we met again by chance. our school had a anniversary party and invited everyone who ever went there. I went and she too. we ander up ditching our old classmates and talking outside for 4 hours. got her number! we were 16 by then, was in a little crisis about my sexuality at this point already but had convinced myslefi was straight. (that lasted for another 5 weeks lol)

after that we texted like once a year, very sporadic. Hush school was busy and we were shy. till the moment we graduated. we met up that summer before we both went off to univercity. it was basically a day long date. by that point I was pretty secure in my sexuality and knew that I had been attracted to her all along. but I didn't say anything, cause she was straight. I did tell her I was queer tho.

after that we started texting more. and because we couldn't meet up we started making video calls. for hours and hours. at first only once every 4 month. then every 2 then every month and 3 years later we talked every 2 weeks. we hadn't seen each other in person for 4 years tho. till this year. where we started seeing each other every 2 month. staying over at each other's place. and still the 5 hour long calls.

by this point I the attraction I had felt at first had morphed into a solid crush tho I tried to stop it I had fallen completely in love with her. but, tho she was a great ally she was still straight so I said nothing (a bit cowardly I know). problem was tho that our friendship had a very weird dynamic, from the start really but it morphed into something more in the last year.

I was confused of course, I couldn't really pinpoint what was going on but something was up. well the thing that was up was her figuring out her sexuality because she fell for me too. fast forward to October: apparently I wasn't subtle enough with my feelings and she was brave enough to make a move.

I got a letter from her one when she stayed over. with her confession. and well it's been truly bliss ever since. I hadn't anticipated how transformative being loved like she loves me would be. but I'm eternally grateful.

So to everyone out there who figured it out late: it's alright your perfectly normal and in the positive side you won't have to deal with teenage hormones while doing it. (if figuring IT out means a second coming of the hormones TM good luck with that ;P )

To everyone who thinks there's no one out there who would love them, I promise you with all my heart that's not true. You are loved. By strangers on the internet, your friends, your (chosen) family. And it'll get better. Theres people to meet and love and care to be had yet.

So to quote our resident queer writer Chuck Tingle: Love wins!

I love you all have a good break, there's love and beauty in the world too♥️

#personal? personal

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fusion-ego · 7 months

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✩Update✩

I'm super tired so this one might veer pretty close to vent territory in a couple of spots, I dunno. I'm just spewing my thoughts out into the keyboard.

✩ Change in plans! We're heading back to Illinois to regroup and save up some more money. I'm trying to get another job lined up as of right now and my parents will spend the next few months saving to help us get out there.

✩ Going to have to sell my truck, probably soon. I'm not happy about it, considering how long it took to buy it. Howeverrrr...

✩ We will be bunking down, for now, in my grandmother's (currently not operational) church. This means that we aren't going to have to worry about rent for the next few months while we save, essentially cutting out 2/3 of the reason I had trouble saving money before. (That being that I made around $1400 a month and had $1000 in bills between rent ($500), electricity (between $100-200 depending on the month, sometimes higher), internet & phone ($100), and subscriptions ($200). Without rent, lights, or wifi, my guaranteed monthly expenses will be down to closer to $150 without accounting for gas or food since we've dropped a few subscriptions.)

✩ I don't actually need help with gas money, that post was mostly me joking because I really wish money wasn't an object. That said, I'm still gonna owe family members money for the fact I have enough money to get back to Illinois, which is a total boner.

✩ My parents have rented a storage locker in the town we were staying in when the RV decided it didn't want to start anymore. Technically I was supposed to get everything out of the RV and my truck yesterday and put it in storage. Instead, I'm sitting at the table at 5:30 AM writing this post while I frantically try to decide what clothes I can leave in storage for the next several months and folding clothing like my life depends on it. I am miserable (/j).

✩ I've slept like 3 hours so I'm punchy as hell and definitely not in any shape to drive, but I'll be making at least one last run to the storage facility this morning, perhaps two. Thinking I'll nap in the truck later on in the morning before we head for 'home' for the next couple of months.

✩ The RV is being towed to a temporary storage facility around 9-10AM this morning. After that, a family member is going to get it, take it back to where we're staying, and try to fix it up. All that means is I have until 8:30 to get all this remaining shit together and into the storage facility or into my truck.

✩ With 3 hours to go and knowing I'll need at least an hour between trips to storage so my truck doesn't try to die on me from getting Too Hot, I'm trying hard to cut it down to one trip. Wish me luck?

✩ All in all it has been a very stressful week and I still need to update all my socials to reflect that I turned 24 on the 18th. It was a very lousy birthday but at least I got to have McDonalds :) However I am walking the thin line between 'totally aware and capable of taking care of myself' and 'full blown dissociative episode', having already depersonalized so hard earlier this week that I woke up with no back pain because for some reason not being Me made my back relax for about two hours after a depression nap.

✩That's... all for now? I think?✩

#update post #update post: 10/20/2023 #update #fusionego.txt #matt talks #moving mania #personal #this really does edge toward being a vent. hm.#oops

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sashastarlight · 2 years

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Day off finally :3

I'm so tired and ubset and pissy.

I guess I'm driving for two hours to get half my meds

Since my medical team can't, after 3 pharmacy requests, web portal requests, a long phone call and fax, and 3 personal messages to my doctor seem to secure just 5 mins for my doctor to write out scripts I'm cleared for I've been taking for years, literally my PCP I am just. I am just so excited to get home tonight after spending my whole day on this just to receive the message that they are finally conveniently ready at the worst time after two weeks of painful and shitty withdrawal. If it were just my HRT that is one thing, no this is antianxiety and antidepressants on a full dosage. Something you are suppose to go through 2-3 dosage reductions to ween off. Not just fucking stop when you are working 40 hour weeks back to back. Worse even the fucking pharmacy is hounding me to come pick up my meds despite half my order being unfilled.

Not to go full feral needy see your boss entitled customer about this. I GET IT. I worked in the medical industry, I literally worked helping with the same tech issues they are moving through. Things get really messy when you transferring over entire electronic systems. There are more important life saving priorities. But delaying medication refill for this fucking long is life threatening for me at this point. I've injured myself maybe 4 times in the last two weeks, nearly second degree burns, from how groggy my dexterity can be. Almost as much as I've gotten hurt on the job over the previous year. Just to show how out of sorts I am. Yet I have to Drive daily, I have to operate heavy and hot machinery daily, my ability to handle and digest stress is debilitating my ability to exceed at my job, which right now literally is my whole future and my life I have going for me. Since everything else is dead and in the past.

Ughh I'm sorry I just need to rant, I can't physically handle this much longer without just having breakdowns.

There are big positive notes here, I am really truly becoming much happier in my life. This fiasco is just hell and I need it to end before body boils my damn brain alive in its own fluids.

A best friend of mine took me out to dinner the other night because she could just tell how off key and struggling I was and Goddess. I just realized how many people weren't listening and brushing this shit off and I wish they could cognitively re-experience those little decisions and moments and then feel all of this crazy shit I've had my faced dragged through over the last two weeks just so they could understand. Like is it really that hard to think about others? I don't get it. I think about every last human being who walks through my coffee shop. I think about their day and how they are doing. I see when someone needs another person to reach out and I do so in the Fing coffee business. Not to mention the providing people with life saving, life changing medications business.

Ughhhhhhh, I can't wait until shits figured out and I don't have to deal with this garbage

Anyway this post was suppose to be about going to get a cup of coffee and saying it would be nice if any of my other friends had Thursday off to go get coffee with me idk, I'm just gonna go cry in my car for two hours~

#personal #sasha #;3;#me #tw meds #tw withdrawal #tw rant #tw medical

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morgansunflower · 3 years

Text

Mommy Was Kissing Batman 1/2

Bruce Wayne/Batman X Wife!Reader

Words:1535

Warnings:heavy angst, suggestive content

Batman and Batmom are separated after he kept one too many secrets from his wife. After Batmom is needed at the police station she asks her husband for help. Their four year old daughter sees something that scares her. Batman's lips locked on her mommy's unknown to whom is behind the mask.

Bruce's P. O. V

I sat on my chair in the Bat-cave. I hold Y/N's wedding ring that she threw at me. She took our daughter with her. I deserved such. I didn't tell her that, Jay was alive. It took time, she forgave me. I didn't deserve that. Then when she discovered I knew, Grayson was alive. She threw her ring at me giving it back and threw word's that stabbed me to my core. I've avoided our bedroom completely. I don't even want to think of stepping into my little girl's room. I am so scared she'll never forgive me. I feel vulnerable from the nightmares that plague my slumber.

Y/N's P. O. V

I sigh deeply staring at my phone. I had just got a call from, Jim. He had gotten injured and is off duty for the rest of the day. I am needed back at the station. I know, Bruce can be here within seconds. Though I am so angry. D/N, misses him. I take a shaky breath and call my husband. He swiftly answered.

-"are you and D/N safe? Are you both ok?"

"yes we're OK" I quickly answered feeling a deep feeling that he still loves me "look this isn't easy.. Jim called me and said their shorthanded at the station" I sigh deeply this is so hard "I'll only be gone for a few hour's.. Can you watch D/N?"

-"I'll be there in five"

"ok" I swiftly hang up before any conversation could go further

"mommy.." I turn seeing my little girl rubbing her eyes and holding her stuffed bat toy

"hey sweetheart.. How are you? Did you get a good night sleep?"

She nodded yawning I pick my sleepy daughter up.

"are we going home today?" she asked with a begging eyes that make my heart sink.

"not today sweetie but guess what?"

"what?" she asked with a little smile

"your daddy is coming to spend the day with you!" I cooed

"he is?! Really! I'm gonna wear my dress!"

I chuckled "what dress?"

"the dress daddy said that I looked like a princess!" she exclaimed

I laugh at her amusement and kiss her cheek. As I put her down she ran into her room. I step to my room and shut the door sighing. It's in this moment Bruce would steal a kiss from me. I dress into my police uniform. As I finish dressing. I hear the door bell ring. I step out of my bedroom seeing my little girl in her dress. She was adorable.

"is that daddy? I missed him so much!"

"I believe so" I said

I open the door seeing my husband. He softly smiled to me. I look away from him to our daughter.

"daddy!!" she exclaimed "you're here!"

"hello my dear" he picks her up and she squeezes his neck. I see Bruce's face soften

"I'll be back soon" I kiss my daughter's forehead "bye sweetheart"

"bye mommy" she said with a sweet smile

I glance to Bruce wanting to kiss him. I can't do this. I turn to leave.

"Y/N" he said with gentle tone

I turn facing him with a, saddened smile "yes" I asked

"stay safe"

I nodded and left my husband and, daughter. After taking a drug cartel down I stood in my office. It was a large for being the Assistant chief of police. I was given the private office after my promotion. I look at the picture frames. One picture of Grayson and I when he was twelve. I remember that day perfectly he had begged 'Aww c'mon Y/N well have fun!' I answered 'uh no you'll have fun getting me flustered in front of Bruce'. For two people to know each others cores and feel attracted to each other. Then to attempt to not fall in love with that person and then you realize, you see that you have already failed miserably. I haven't seen Grayson in 6 months and 5 day's. He wasn't mine by blood but I loved him just the same. I see a, reflection on my window. My heart physically jumps, and my breath hitches. I fear my eyes are deceiving me. I lift my head seeing glass double doors and then gasp breathing in shock seeing my little boy. I quickly stood up and rush to him. He opens the door and steps inside. I put my shaking hands on his cheeks.

"m-mom-m" he brokenly said

I began to stutter. I put pressure on his shoulders and gently shook my head.

"oh, son!" I tightly hugged his neck wanting to cry

He wraps his arms around me "it's good to see you Mom"

"oh Grayson" I mumbled "dammit" I kiss his head running my fingers through his hair, I cup his cheeks looking at his face "are you trying to give me grey hairs?!"

"I'm so sorry Mom" he said with a brittle voice, my heart sinks

To hear him say 'mom' to me again is something I was so scared I'd never hear from him again. I hold him close and gently rock him side to side, as if he was still my little boy. He kisses my temple.

"don't--" I feel my words choking as I nearly sob "e-ever" I couldn't continue but he knew what I meant

He nods "I know" he said genuinely hurt "please don't hate me or Bruce for keeping my--" he stammered with a heavy sigh "I know you're so angry"

I lift my head seeing his tears. I use my thumb to wipe his tears away.

"Richard Grayson! I will never hate you. I will always love you, ok?" he nodded sniffing "I was angry that you did such a thing" I admitted "but I forgive you because I love you. Bruce and I will.." I stammer for a moment "will figure it out another day" I sighed

I kiss his head his hands on my shoulders. My heart breaks seeing him so distraught, though warms to have him within my grasp. Hour's later Grayson returns home to Bludhaven. I text Bruce I'm on my way. I go to the place where I stay now. It wasn't home. I open the door and steps inside. I shut the door behind me. I see Bruce sitting on the couch with little D/N sleeping in his strong arms. It was absolutely heartwarming. He softly smiled to me. Dammit.

"how long as she been asleep for?"

"half an hour.. How was work?" he whispered

"it was good. Grayson came to see, me" I bitterly said

"Y/N" he sighed

I whisper in a harsh tone "no! No you're not going to be able to say anything or do anything and just magically make this all right"

"I know I broke the trust you had in me Y/N. I broke a vow to you"

I feel my heart beating fast and eyes shake. I shake my head. I instantly go to our wedding. I want to kiss him and forget.

"I can't do this" I choke nearly crying

I step out of the living room to the bedroom. I shut the door behind me.

"dammit" I cursed to myself with a stutter

The night fell and I knew my husband was out there risking his life. I step onto the fire escape my little girl sound asleep in her bed. I look in the distance seeing on the building, Batman. I sigh dammit I miss him. I shut my eyes sighing. I count to 40. I open my eyes Bruce standing next to me. I take a shaky breath. I stare away from him with my eyes shaking. I don't want to cry in front of him.

"Y/N I was trying to protect Grayson and the less people who knew he was alive the safer he would be" he takes a deep breath "I miss you" he quavered.. Bruce didn't ever quaver because of me, unless it was a nightmare "I want my daughter and wife to come back home" he finished his voice genuinely hurt

I began to cry missing the comfort I feel from him. The love we make. Sharing each others space. The sweet kisses that were never long enough. Seeing him smile. Him making me smile. He was protecting our little boy.

"no more secrets" I demanded

"I promise"

I forgive him. He never broke a promise to me. I shake my head. I step to him and wrap my arms around his neck. I lock my lips to his. He deepens the kiss. Wall kissing me he takes my left hand, with my ring finger. He places the proof of our marriage among my finger.

Damian's P. O. V

I am rudely awoken to the sound of my phone ringing. I grunted. I look seeing my true mother's contact. I swiftly answer truly missing her. I hear soft crys recognizing it's my dear little sister. My heart racing. Is she hurt? Is she safe? I must hurry to her.

I swiftly demand "D/N where are you?"

-"D-Dami, mommy was kissing Batman!!"

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