#idk ive been feeling really bad about drawing lately i just dont really feel good about any of my drawings rn

[rapidhighway]

sanic ✌ for the au perhaps? idk

#sonic the hedgehog #sonic fanart #art #digital art #sonic #sth #fanart #ive been getting easily distracted from my aus recently which is horrible #but i guess im just too ambitious all the time and get scared -_- #idk ive been feeling really bad about drawing lately i just dont really feel good about any of my drawings rn #like i like this one but idk i just dont feel excited about it... #idk what to do abt it #id like to get into one of my aus for once #but i just feel nothing rn.. #OK WAHTEVERRR this was a cool pose #so i gave him so shoes to go with it

[hecksupremechips]

Ooooooghhhhhhhhh stressed 🥺

#dont wanna see family tomorrow and im sleeping saur bad lately i couldnt sleep last night and then had a typical fever dream #which gave me a really cute idea for a movie so im gonna keep it in my pocket #but it was one of those things where its like it says a whole lot about me and my trauma and its stressful #um um um and also im juggling all these different things like im sewing im trying to finally write im trying to draw again #while feeling like im failing at it all and then like i still gotta find fuckinnnnn job i neeeeeed money #this time of year is always really hard for me i hate when its warm again i hate easter and i hate knowing that summer is coming #aaghhhh rn im ticking and stimming really bad and im having trouble breathing hnnghhh #and im very sweaty lol i always get so sweaty when i dont sleep good i dont get it #also i think im just horrible like the one person i wanna talk to probably is getting tired of my constant life crisis and how needy i am #and theyre probably off being better without me there and im just a burden and then my therapist idk about him #i dont feel like hes really giving me anything like when i talk about how stressed and unsafe i am hes like you gotta find a way to cope #and he doesnt really tell me how exactly i should do that like mate thats why im here i need the help you cant just listen to me panic and #go ‘wow you need to fix that’ ughhhh and i think hes mad at me because i dont think he believes me anymore when i say im in an abusive #situation and that ive been controlled my whole life by everyone and i have never felt safe #and its just like ughhh like i feel like no one believes me anymore and theyre all fed up with my bullshit incompetence and constant #bellyaching and im a horrible friend and a liar and probably just being dramatic as fuck making myself believe im being abused when in #reality im the abuser the ungrateful brat who treats his family like shit and cant trust them even though they seem so perfect to everyone #and im so stupid and toxic for trying to run away and for being scared to death here #thats how its feeling anyway idk everyone is just. weird and im losing my grip on reality and cant tell whats real anymore

[marioyuri]

Augh frankly i dont want to talk to anyone ever again i just want to go in the woods and fight people until i cant feel the pain from the cold

#i try too hard just to feel disappointed #maybe its bc i used to fist fight too much as a kid #idk maybe its some kind of withdrawal #instead i have to be some fag that draws bullshit #i should join a boxing club or something #its not the same thing man #i just need someone willing to fight for fun #maybe watching fight club is not helping im gonna be so for real #watching this movie as a kid could have done something to me #now its just making me so fucking irritated in a way #its a good movie but ive already experienced these epiphanies so its just wasted on me #theres just so many radicalising media you can experience before you grow numb to it #like yeup what else is new #bleh #man i never realised how much i used to fucking duke it out with people #well people. heh #the details are irrelevant #too many new people talking to me and it makes me realise i genuinely dont like bothering figuring out who i am #i dont like it i dont care it doesnt even matter man #i dont care…….. dont force me to think about it OK! #i literalt just say the first thing that comes to mind and then act like yeah sure thats my opinion on the matter FUCKDO I KNOW IF THATS IT #I DONT KNOW? I DONT KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT ANYTHING???????????????????? YEAH SURE ☝️ #fucking byllshit leave me alone #dude ive been dealing with like 6 dms at once every day idk what personality im using for who anymore #i care about the wrong people theres some people who are fine with me being lame i should care more about my friends i already have too #why am i so annoying to myself . i dont even care about other peoples opinions i think whats really bothering me is myself #i already know everybody fucking loves me i fucking love myself too or at least i think i do!!!!!!!!!!!! #what i do is that if you lie to yourself enough you end up believing it. thats been my philosophy for being happier being myself #but lately im starting to think maybe i just made it worse for myself in some twisted way #did i ruin myself man did i lie to myself so bad i cant even trust myself to be right about how i feel anymore. i dont know. i dont know man

[postalollie]

What are ur favorite things about pdude :) any of them and what do think dating one would be like 😳

OO HI!! SORRY FOR BEING SO LATE!!

In general I love the fact hes a morally grey character that in general doesnt seems to care for what other think of him! (except if hes wearing a gimp suit obviously lol) and his smugness as well, for postal 2 dude I love his colors! theyre more dull which for me fits his character really well and I try to do that in my art of him as well (though Ive been slacking more on that aspect lol) his design in general is just so nice to look and memorable too, its simple but effective, peak character design right there and I dont even mean it as a joke I genuinely think his design is super good, and most importantly THE GLASSES!! I like drawing him with his eyes showing but when he has the sunglasses is where the fun is at, because it kinda brings a surprise factor to him, his colors are more died down but then you see his eyes and BAM!! green! of course theyre not too bright as to match with his other colors but still bright enough for him to have some contrast and bring some surprise to the player!

Now for p1 dude, I once again love his color scheme, I love red so its fun to look at him, even with just his limited model on the original postal you can see a lot of stuff in his design which is very impressive! I love his fingerless gloves and his sweater vest as well/shirt he wears on the gone postal cover, also...long hair...pretty.. ALSO his design with the red coat and green vest! I dont usually see it being drawn (I personally do prefer to draw the red and black version because I prefer that color scheme but the other is still quite good and I wanna draw it someday!) idk his design is just once again very cool to me

NOW FOR THE DATING PART OwO (sorry if these are hard to understand im very bad with writing and most of my fantasies rarely follow a story or a very strict personality to them lol)

for p2 I imagine it would be more difficult for him to "open up" I guess, he would start pretty closed off like he is in the game, even when hes interested in you hes still kinda closed off, with stuff like flirty interactions the thing he can do best because hes more in control, show that man some genuine affection and he wouldnt know how to take it (show that man love no one in paradise apreciates him >:( ) he would probably blue screen a bit from affection, however slowly he would start getting used it and start showing a bit more as well, you would just need to be a bit patient with him, he would however still care for you and be a bit possesive, not in the unhealthy way I mean would get jealous about you and if anyone tried to do anything he would kick their ass, in general his love language is a mix of physical contact and acts of service, he also calls you darling and dearie :)

NOW FOR P1 oh p1

tbh I think he would a bit more possesive compared to p2 by a bit, finding a not sick person would be a miracle to him, he would be a bit more emotional as well, confiding in you and being the only one he would trust, to me he would profess his love to you in a way more I guess poetic way?? idk how to call it but yeah! man is down bad for you essentialy, dont get me wrong though hes still postal dude of course, just ya know with more problems

now for the massacre part.. I feel it COULD be possible to be able to stop him from doing everything like people generally write p1 x reader fics but honestly to me, idk I feel like no matter what something would make him snap, the thing is would you join him or not... my self insert does but really I think that changes from person from person, I imagine that during the very small breaks from the killing he would be all over you, you're the thing that calms him down, also if he went to the asylum he would be saved by you, together till the end no matter what

AGAIN I know the whole joining in with him might seem bad! its just that for me its not any postal dude, especially postal 1 dude wihout some violence ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

ALSO i headcanon all the dudes with the exception of corkscrew for obvious reason that theyre all part brazilian and portuguese is their first language! (self projection wee hoo) so they would call you pet names or say how much they love in the language! I feel they would say amor a lot and the variations of it (amorzinho, meu amor, mo, also that basically means my love in different ways in english) p3 would say xuxu or xuxuzin for sure though (idk how to translate this but like, imagine it as like saying doll or darling but in a more joking manner)

In any way, all of them would be protective of you, wouldnt want to hurt you no matter what and if anyone tried they're dead

(also bonus p3, he would be the most smug out of all of them, he KNOWS you love him and he loves you too and oh boy is he gonna have fun with it, also both him and p2 would probably fight for you a bit in paradise lost lol)

#OO THIS WAS LONG!! #thanks for the ask!! #sorry is there are missing words or mispellings! #no beta we die like p3 dude died in one of the endings #postal #postal dude #postal 1 #postal 2 #I hope the portuguese parts made sense lol #postal 3 #kinda??

[halfusek]

Wow, it has been a while since I died on Tumblr, but hey! Nice to see your blog is still up!

Tho, I got a question, ya, ever since BATDR came out and we found out Joey created Audrey as his daughter, does that change Magenta's backstory? Or no, just a wee bit confused

no lol it doesnt

magenta's story is based mainly on batim, i also borrowed stuff here and there from dctl but aside from that it doesn't really include anything else

considering i came up with like 90% of his story a short bit after chapter 5 of batim came out :P

i just don't really understand audrey's existence and it feels very... weird to me

like joey being a bad person made bendy the ink demon and supposedly him being better made audrey okay? or is she just perfect like that even though she's an entirely made up person that never existed in real life either as a human like henry or as a toon

like idk i dont like either scenarios

and as for magenta specifically creating audrey would just not fit him, he already has a meaningful story with bendy as his son and what kind of a shit father he is

if i was supposed to make him create a perfect child because of how he learned to be a good father while still having bendy (the squish there) done so dirty thatd be literally sooooooooo shit

(also idk man maybe you should consider adopting a child instead of creating her as a part of a cycle of eternal suffering, god look i wouldnt mind that if they werent trying to tell us that joey doing this is somehow his redemption arc and a good thing, yikes)

so yeah no dont expect audrey to be a part of abomination, ever

im done telling that story and im not gonna be incorporating any new content that the bendy devs put out because its just not fitting in there [thumbs up emoji]

the only thing i have left to still draw is the epilogue which ive already written few years ago, arts just been super hard for me lately, but im gonna make it eventually

also im not gonna be leaving anywhere anytime soon, even if i leave the bendy fandom at some point (tho i dont see that happening super soon) im gonna be there blabbering on about some other thing :)

#halfask #magenta #abomination #bendy and the ink machine

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

Please review anon's warnings before continuing.

note: I am not a mental health professional. I'm not aware of every aspect of your life. I may say something that isn't applicable in your situation. And, finally, reminder that I too am a human being with a past. Be respectful and mindful of that.

tw: su*c*de, sh, bad body image

-

hi wiyllt

im tired. exhausted. drained. i feel crazy and obsessive. i got my academic results a few days ago and wow i havent cried like that in forever. in forEVER. i bawled, lowkey wailed about them. the worst part is theyre objectively really fucking good marks. 96% is not a joke. i am just so disappointed in myself for them. worst part is school's plastered the toppers faces up LITERALLY every corridor, completely forgetting the fact that there was a student who committed su*c*de just two weeks ago, after failing their exams.

ive been so depressed its affecting everything. i feel everything in every way possible. i feel doomed with my friendships, with my relationship, my future, everything. i hate myself like this. last month i got back into my sh habit and everythings going downhill so fast. i want to feel okay again. bad body image has been plaguing my mind and ive been binging on food since last month. ive been crying so much and been just such a mess in school and at home. i am so fuckign depressed i dont even know at this point.

did i mention i havent gotten my period in twenty fucking days.

I'm going to address this bottom to top.

Your period is affected by many things, both physical and mental health. My period is always late when I'm stressed. When I was at the height of my depression, my period came about every 40 days. I thought I was lucky. No. I was fucked up. Your body pours its finite resources for what it perceives as a threat first before going back to its usual routine programming. Sometimes your cycle jumps even when you're perfectly healthy. In nature, there will be outliers and that applies to ovulation too. Just happens. Track your cycle and see a gynecologist if there is a pattern.

To break your self-harm habit, you must remove your tools from your presence. They must be thrown away or difficult to get to. The first step to breaking a habit is making it not easy to do. The second is redirection, preferably to a healthier place such as creation. But I'm not an idiot and I know it is human to simply just pick a differemt self-destructive habit. Believe me, there are many ways to hurt yourself and ruin your life. You must draw a line at this. Do not cross it. Every time you want to do it, write down every reason you want to do it. Burn, rip, mangle the paper. Destroy it until it's unreadable. Keep writing. You better have millions of reasons and none of them will ever justify you doing something like that to yourself. None. Remember this next time and every time you want to do it thereafter.

Yeah, I'm telling you to give up. This, specifically.

Yes, you will still make bad decisions. Yes, life is still gonna suck ass. Yes, you will treat yourself like shit in other ways.

I did.

I don't know anyone who can just stop being depressed. You won't suddenly become a born-again human unaffected by their past (idk, maybe you're an alien, not sure how their biology works, I'll do some probing and report back). Even now I catch myself in moments where I slip back into old habits and thought processes.

You are responsible for yourself. You are responsibile for the bad choices you have made and will make. I know that is not fun. That is not what we want to do. Hell, I have no idea if a certified therapist / psychologist / psychiatrist will agree with me on this, but I'm gonna give it to you straight - the one who has to deal with the consequences of what you do is you.

I spent a lot of time blaming anything and everything, especially life for dealing me shit cards. I didn't ask to be born. I didn't ask for two decades of emotional and physical abuse. But I did what I did. I did fucked up shit. Things will fall apart. You will cry and bleed trying to put it all back together and it might be in vain. You will wonder, when does it get better?

It gets better when you take a moment and ask yourself, "What do I want?"

Not, what are the impossible expectations I have for myself right now? Not, what does everyone else want me to be? Not, here's all the things that are wrong with me and reasons I cannot achieve anything of substance or value. Shut those up for a second. You said, "i want to feel okay again." You can't feel how you felt in the past and anyway, by now, you've glamorized it to something better than it was. Plus, "to feel okay" is a bit vague. Also it kinda gives off meh energy (sorry, but it kinda does). You need something specific.

"I want to repair my relationship with (insert here)."

This can be anything. People, food, school, etc, but you need to focus on one thing at a time. You need to prioritize what it is that is most important to you right now. Don't set a bar for where you want to be at a certain time. Only focus on improvement. Some things may fall to the wayside and that's okay. You can't do everything. When you feel like you're in a good place with one thing, move on to something else. Go back and check on it periodically and search for minor improvements.

It sounds nice, but it might not look pretty while you're doing it. Life is life. There will be setbacks. Every situation, aak yourself, "What is the best version of myself I can be right now?" Not what was or will be, but right now. That might be something great or that might be getting into bed and going to sleep. Sometimes it be like that. Do one more thing than you would if you were feeling just a teensy bit better.

"I'm going to bed instead of studying, but I will set up my desk so it's ready for me in the morning."

"I'll eat one less today. I'm still gonna eat it."

"I'm gonna cry right now. I'll do something about it after. But first I'm gonna cry."

Little by little decision, you can more forward to a place you are more satisfied with. There will always be hardships. Always. But you can control how you react to them and how you deal with them. It might feel like you can't but that's because you need to direct your focus on specifics - what you can do rather than what is out of your control. To be the best version of yourself is to actively understand that you will not always make the perfect decision. It gets better. It gets worse. You are a different person each time. You learn from your past. Do the best that you can right now. Prioritize yourself. Live this life as if there is only one.

Time doesn't come back.

Be mindful of the past and the future, but don't forget to live right now. You'll miss important stuff.

[revivisection]

its night time you know what that means! this is my diary now. very long week recap ahead.

my teeth are cool and good kind of now. they're actually still pretty awful but my front are work in progress they look mostly fine now and im not so vigilant at hiding my mouth :) not without a week's worth of pain and agony recovery but. you knoow. i will have to go through that again at some point oh well thank god for ibuprofen except it wears off before i can take another one. my upper lip was incredinly inflamed for a few days, bad experience.

you know you never really think about hpw much you use your mouth or just like. feel your mouth generally experience the life experience of having a mouth until there's problems with it. crazy how that works. i for one would have a much better time not having a mouth it's rather disgusting. ideal form i simply absorb energy through airwaves, or perhaps plug myself in to charge

after that i had to enroll in courses i was like surely i will have a fine and okay time. <-full of hubris. i slept through the first hour of course enrollment because i went to sleep at 6am and it opened at 9. so im now on two waitlists which probably wont let up. going to take latin though, going to become more pretentious just you wait. i think this is what you would call a "dark academia moment" but i dont think i actually know what dark academia is. school hasn't started yet but im having the biggest fucking imposter syndrome everyone who has ever told me how smart i am is a fucking liar.

had a fun lil trivia club day with some trivia club buddies. believe it or not, we did trivia. exciting, i know. anyways scratch what i said before whenever i get the right answer in trivia club i am literally the smartest man alive. why do all my friends have absolutely ancient editions of trivial pursuit (the words of someone who doesn't own any board games)

and yesterday i hung out with my dear friend @threecirclingbuzzards!! she let me scavenge through her big bag of miscellaneous patches it was very fruitful. my vest is very empty because i have to make everything myself and i simply do not. so now i have more things to put on it, the real question is when im actually going to sew. it was also cool because we are like brain linked we are like that image of clown-to-clown communication dont need to speak coherently because like. i get it. she gets it. we get it. the clown part is especially true because we were like. what to teens do. hang out at the mall. genius. and then we got there and it was two minutes from closing. genius. at the dollar store i got minecraft stickers god i love minecraft i will be forty fucking years old and not tire of minecraft

over the course of my mouth recovery time i listened to youtube videos to try and distract myself when falling sleep and i listened to a video about the evil within 1. i dont need to give background information but i will anyways.. back in like whenever of this year early this year some time this year i was scrolling through the discussion page of the tumblr sexyman wiki and there was a suggestion post for stefano valentini and i was like. woah. ive seen that man before. ive watched my fair share of oxbox/oxtra vids in my lifetime. and then i proceeded to go crazy. something about him makes me go absolutely nuts like awooga etc. who fucking knows. anyways i was content to never know anything about the evil within beyond that stefano valentini is like absurdly attractive until i watched that video about the evil within 1 while mildly Out Of It and i developed a very sudden crush on ruvik so now i know some things about the evil within. how was your day. another fucked up evil guy who i am compelled by. i cant fix him i cant make him worse but i CAN look at him from afar. all ive been able to draw lately is just ruvik faces idk man he's my latest fixation i guess. got him on the mind (except for when i was catching up on the patho tag today. i love my weekly spam reblogging from the patho tag except this time it's two weeks worth of posts becuase by god i was having a bad time)

perhaps i should actually watch a lets play of tew so i can know like. what the game is like in full properly and shit. shhhhh you dont see my incomplete patho2 save. i would play more horror games if i werent a little bitch, but im not so instead i just play stupid long fantasy rpgs. the sole reason i havent finished pathfinder kingmaker is because of that stupid goddamn darven quest oh my god i hate that man i hate that quest i need to speedrun it get it over with so i can enjoy the rest of the game but i simply cannot take it when the FUCK is he going to show up how much fuckng time needs to pass where are you bitch i need to xget this out of the fucking way so the hellknights stop crashing my place fucking my shit up i hate it her.e.

i wrote all of this because i am insuch! a mood today. idk whats up last nigh t i passed out instantly fell asleep died went to purgatory the moment i laid down on my bed like in an instant ive never been so sleepy in my life. and today i am incredibly humid but more than that the time actually melted away. like pretend time is a stick of butter in my hands except i preheated my hands in the oven for several minutes and the butter didnt even bother to melt so the preheating didnt matter it just slipped off my stupid little fingers. i woke up blinked now its night time. now nearly twelve hours have passed what the fuCK was i doing. nothing. i have no idea how this time passed i feel out of it (different) a different kind of out of it who knows maybe this is my natural tooth recovery time but instead for going outside two days in a row and having fun. this is my body and mind telling me to have less fun. wlel fuck you body and mind im hanging out with friends AGAIN tomorrow. see how you like that fucker. or maybe im just a little baby and its because i forgot to sleep with my stuffed animals last night. i have a build-a-bear longhorn i love him with my life i named him after my wife (artemy) he keeps me company because all i do is sit and rot.

also we havent read new pages of this dark endeavour in like11 days oops. the review WILL happen eventually okay i have so much to say about that wretched novel just when the summer book club completes it

#brain time #personal

[etherical-angel]

been in a depression(due to my brain having depression) lately.....not goooddddd😇

i think most of it comes from just succumbing to my beliefs of 'everything is hopeless, choose pleasure over effort' as a way of control yknow. its weird, since im aware that the 'effort'(doing chores and selfcare) is what life is about, and that it will lead to betterness. but my brain sees it as like....participating in a game i dont agree with. and that i should play my own instead(laying in bed and daydreaming -> giving happy chemicals). ive done a bit of drawing, but most have just been with the motivation that im drawing to impress someone else. which is better than nothing ig. theres so much more i want to be doing, and i just think that i'd be more able to do it if my room was clean. probably. i havent unpacked yet and my floor is covered in clothes and i need to do laundry. and i think its been over a week since i bathed(my hair is RAPIDLY falling out and i cant tell if its more than normal or just due to not washing it...). idk, hard to keep track of the days.

i have a doctors appointment on thursday finally, and my head still hurts, but thankfully my anxiety over it has moved on(i no longer careeeee).

whatever back to the vent -> its the frustration that no matter how many times i try, i always return to This. it clouds being able to see a future that i want, and fuels my suicidal beliefs. knowing that i can do anything if i just put in the Effort, knowing its logically all my fault, knowing that im alone in this. i dont have someone i can just ask to help clean my room, someone to ask to help me do creative things, someone to ask to just help me cuz i. dont know how to ask. or what to ask for. ig this is why ive just craved a lover so bad, since i think theyd wordlessly know what to do. i wouldnt have to ask and i wouldnt have to know, theyd just do it. and i'd feel ok. i also know this is literally what caretaker alters are for, and one will come out eventually, but i cant just force it. especially when we're currently so convinced of hopelessness n despair. like literally the whole point of DID is so that someone else can do this shit, and we cant even do that properly....i feel like im so close to just snapping out of it tho. like im just missing some small realization and itll click into place. like its already there in my brain but theres a blockage keeping it from surfacing. ive been better before, i just keep forgetting what made me think that way. and how it was that i was viewing things. maybe if i listen to the right music and just try to focus on remembering, try really hard to let the urges go, think about how good life could be(despite the world n my body not being ideal) if i just saw things in a positive light, and try to view being positive as not a way of losing control..maybe i could force a switch. if i could get a balence of being aware of how horrible everything is, but also knowing that being positive and doing Effort is also fighting the system just as much.

anyway heres some pics i took a couple days ago👇👇👇👇👇

#had some shit happen 2day that fueled my delusions Big Time but. in a fun good way. in a YESSSSSSS THATS IMPOSSIBLE BUT FUCK YESSSS #it happened after i tried doing the thing i wrote abt doing so..felt kinda like a reward yknow #i wrote this thing hourrrrrssss ago bc i got lost in my fixation lol #im gonna try having a bath even tho im so sleepy tired rn #me

[0v3rcxme]

so. ive been advised to do something i enjoy, like write or draw, for at least 10 minutes a day. i have not been doing that but ive decided to give it a try today and also because i love tumblr in many ways but one of them is that its like screaming into the void. and i love venting but dont feel quite ready or quite prepared to do so with people that know me.

i got a little sad today because i was supposed to go to a psychiatrist as soon as possible. like the psychologist saw me once (1) and said yeah. yeah you need some medication. which is very validating in the sense that ive thought the same thing my whole life but id never taken the step to start that particular journey. anyways. im rambling. but i cant go rn. its too expensive. and it made me quite sad, not immediately, i thought it was fine, right? ive been ignoring the fact i had to set an appointment for a week or so because its easier to ignore than to face it and i knew it was gonna be expensive but still i hoped maybe it wouldnt be. anyways because its so expensive i cant schedule the appointment. and i had to tell my psychologist because she asked me because shes so nice and kind and attentive and she asked me and i had to tell her no, i cant just yet, also i answered really late because i had been ignoring it because thats what i do.

and i told my friends and it was ok like haha yeah being mentally ill is expensive sucks to suck idk but then i got sad about it and cried a little and started thinking, is it gonna be like this the whole journey. am i gonna have to struggle to pay antidepressants or whatever they may put me on and im gonna find even more obstacles than the ones i already put myself through everytime. and it frustrated me. so i felt bad.

and my friends want to support me, and so does my mom, and when i tell my dad im sure he will want to as well but good god part of me hates to depend on them for everything. hates that i cant fix it myself. or rather, i can, but i dont know how to or dont put myself to the challenge of doing so. supposedly im gonna get paid next week and good god once again i hope i get the amount i think ill get but i hate this i hate to keep my therapist waiting i hate having to make my friends worry with this i hate that i get pissed off when its no ones fault.

anyways, ten minutes are almost up. i hate money i fucking do i wish it didnt exist i wish we didnt need it to do basic things i wish i didnt need it to better my mental health i wish not to resent it. bye

#vent #therapist mandated exercise

[musubiki]

I hope this is not spam because I was lately asking a lot of questions (also I talk a lot sorry for bothering you 👉👈)

Did you go to art school? Your art looks professional and very pretty and you manage to keep this flow that makes the poses, characters, coloring look very appealing, so I wanted to ask about your experience so I can improve my art because I just started posting lately on my tumblr and I want to improve the quality of my drawings! I’m talking about posing, camera angles and shading. You manage to use these elements in a way that looks very pretty and I want to learn how to capture that appeal! I know that everyone has their own learning pace and experience but in this medium other people’s experience is also very helpful

Sorry again if this is a bother I just want some art advice… also sorry I ramble a lot…

yeah no worries!! i like answering these questions!!

no, i never went to art school!! im 95% self taught, 5% looking at tutorials online for specific stuff!!

for posing: honestly most of the time is drawing a pose, thinking "nope thats not it," adjusting it, and thinking "thats not it either," until you eventually get it to "okay i can live with that" or something along those lines!! when i draw i have a rough idea of what kinda pose i want, its usually a combination of (general pose) + (emotion)!! for example the recent bikini mochi piece, i knew i wanted her standing up + nervous/self conscious!! you can observe people in real life / in media to observe what kind of pose expresses what emotion, like someone sitting up very straight and stiff can imply nervousness?attentiveness/anxiousness, and someone sitting slumped, hunched over, legs lazily folded can imply relaxation, idleness, etc!! so posing is about both action + what they feel!! hand gestures can also be good at expressing these emotions!! (a good example too is the "👉👈" hands to show like...nervousness?? shy?? something like that??) im pretty sure you can study more on this, but for me personally i just kinda use...,my own reactions/emotions as a model. how i react if i was in that situation, and the exaggerate it a bit so it communicates easier!!

for camera angles: i feel like this is more about how dramatic you want the piece to be...for me i always saw a straight on, forward facing camera angle as like, yeah this isnt THAT important its just for dialogue. then you can move the camera angle around for the sake of variety, drama, or a lot of times to get things to fit in the same frame!! id say the best way to get better at this is just read some manga and study the panels to see what kinds of angles they use!! im not sure the significance of each of if theres a deeper meaning, but at least it can give you a little inventory of idea for what perspectives you can use when you wanna mix things up!!

for shading: literally dont worry about shading. just...,,,do your best. if im being honest, i still dont know how to shade. its been like, 10 years and i never learned to shade. cuz shading means you have to consider whatever youre drawing in a 3d space and think about how the light would hit it, and where the shadows would go and its jus....too much for me LMFAOOO I DONT SHADE 90% OF MY WORK!!!!!! so if you wanna shade just do your best. i have no advice on this im sorry;,,, just do your best or not at all and it'll be fine!!!

for colors: i dont have much advice here either, i use colors appealing to my own eyes, which is usually pastels/soft colors!! one piece of advice i have is use a brown overlay on top of your piece cuz ive read it "brings the colors together" (which i dont really get but i assume it sort of...makes all the colors become a little browner so it looks better together??? idk) and put an overlay/add layer on top of whatever color you want the piece to have!! i usually put pink over all my art cuz i love it lol

anyway i hope that helped a little bit!! i never learned professionally so i cant explain it in an academic way but as always, the best advice is just to practice. just accept that youre gonna be a bad artist until youre a good artist and keep drawing, its the only way to really get better!! ive been drawing for at least...7 years and i still look at pieces from a few months ago and go "ew disgusting" so,,...youre always gonna be improving just be consistent!!! good luck!!

#tips #sort of?? #most of this is chicken stratch idk if i even know what i #m talking about #anyway #sorry if theres typos my screen is bigger now and i mistype a lot 😭😭

[utenaposter]

i would love to hear your thoughts on kozue. ive been thinking about her whole deal lately and damn. like. when you remember that she's literally 13 and is going through All That...

oh kozue... you poor little chirp chirp..

i really think about kozue and miki and foils to anthy and dios... just look so

anthy: gives dios his powers and takes them away when he gets sick, has to go out and face a crowd, "corrupts" dios and is no longer innocent

kozue: her and miki play well together, he falls sick and she cant play without him when she gets dragged out onto the stage to face a crowd, "corrupts" miki by him being unable to play without her and is no longer innocent after all she does

i could draw more parallels or maybe even think about how anthy chooses to go out to face the crowd while kozue gets dragged on stage.. but like.. idk i dont have the brainpower for that theres something there tho!! kozue is an interesting character because really all shes trying to do is get mikis attention, be that bad or good. its almost like, shes the opposite of anthy but also the same? theyre mirrored i think.

miki wanting to keep kozue innocent for himself so he can have "his song" back like it was when they were children, akio being "corrupted" by anthy and trying to get her powers back by keeping her in a cage, oh mt god the ohtori tower looks like a bird cage kind of ill talk about that later maybe it just popped into my head but. yeah. miki tries to control kozue but shes not like anthy, she fell out of the nest and wasnt placed back into a cage, i mean shes still caged but not in the same way i guess?

kozue wants her brothers attention back, and to get it she continues to put herself in situations to make him notice her, theyre not good situations by any means but she gets his attention. it makes her feel wanted i think. even if the wantedness is that miki wants her to be as she was in his memory, but she can never be that again, mirroring dios and anthy once again. idk i think i might add more in reblogs if i think of more things but. thats all i got bestie <3 i really really really love thinking about kozue and mikis parallels to anthy and dios... makem me go stupid!

#ask #hoidgender #rgu #revolutionary girl utena #sku #shoujo kakumei utena #utena #kozue #miki #miki kaoru #kozue kaoru #utena meta #umm ya if u want like #more clarification on the parallels #i could mayeb write more abt thaty #bc i think about it often #hehe #me thoughts...

[blacktinnedpeaches]

misery blogness

today was actually better - i didn’t cry at all, had a nice evening w/ ben watching tiktoks + playing geoguessr w/ a friend of ours. we played some music together earlier as well (me on piano, him on bass)

still feeling very obsessive, still ruminating constantly over things ive done in the past and finding it difficult to be present in the moment - but it’s better than it was a few days ago when i couldn’t stop crying or thinking about my own evil nature. now im not so much concerned w/ my naturally evil spirit, just about mistakes ive made (which is an improvement i guess?)

gonna try fluoxetine again for a few months as well bc both ana and ben are saying that i was much less obsessive when on them, and fluoxetine has no negative effects on me really other than a dry mouth, and i think it’s worth trying - particularly as i do think it’s true ive become much more obsessive over the past year or so (altho hard to work out how much of that is stopping meds that i dont personally think do anything good OR bad vs everything else going on in the world lol)

after christmas i wanna get back into making miniatures - haven’t been able to do any lately b/c the things i need to finish this latest one off i asked for for christmas + idk if ben got it for me or not, so gotta wait and see (played myself, wont ask for things i actually need for a gift haha)

today’s good things:

1. i enjoyed spending time w/ ben this evening 2. i wrapped up tink’s present (a hot water bottle) and the little drawing i did really captures her spirit somehow. i wrapped ben’s gift from his family as well, so he can unwrap it properly rather than just opening an amazon parcel 3. the ‘am i a lesbian’ OCD has actually disappeared and i can watch lesbians on tiktok again without feeling frightened (lol...) 4. thankful that i did enough work on the site the past few weeks that im still no. 4 on the list of mods w/ most reports cleared for the month (/60 or so) w/o really doing much work this week 5. im excited that it’s nearly christmas and that ill be able to open presents lol 6. just that it was a more bearable day which makes me hopeful that this isnt, as i’d feared, going to be a long and protracted episode

[mingot-studios]

Things currently polluting my mind (will be added to as i think of things)

 How bad the Star vs. Finale was, and weather i should even bother trying to watch the show again at this point

The fact that the next JoJolion chapter is coming out soon and I STILL haven’t read 107 with my mom even though I’ve already read it

Not being caught up on One Piece and having 0 IDEA of whats happening at this poin as well starting to flaws with the series (racism, transphobia, and homophobia) that i knew was there but chose to ignore and weather it should hinder my relationship with the series. Also wanting to murder Oda for demoting Franky to ‘Pervy Grandma’ (srsly wtf oda)

Upset Infinity Train was cancelled even though i never watched it, and wonder why the fans cry for it to come is suddenly not happening?

The fact i’m going to be returning to in person schooling which is my personal HELL

my brother leaving for college upstate (Me and my brother have never really been that close, we fight alot but I cant imagine life without him)

The fact that my procrastination has gotten so bad that I nearly had to retake PE, World History, and English

The Owl House coming back on the 12th but i had downloaded the first 2 episodes but haven’t watched them and debating if i should, also having a meltdown  over Disney screwing the show over and having its third be 3 or 4 (i cant remember) 44-minute specials

The fact that me and brother STILL haven’t finished our Yume 2kki Let’s Play

I haven’t been watching anime regularly with my mom

I haven’t posted anything to my DeviantArt or YouTube in months

I have so much energy right now but no outlets

I still haven’t tried out my drawing pad i got for my birthday last year

I have so many drawing ideas but my spiral sketchpad is filled up and I have yet to get a new one

Ive many intricit and detailed story ideas that i know im gonna forget if i dont write them down bu due my procrastination i haven’t done so im prolly gonna lose everything

The fact Thurston Waffles hasn’t posted anything since late April as well as the fact that he’s got Kidney problems

So many ideas for videos but I only have WindowsMovieMaker and the HumbleBundle my mom got me idk YEARS ago won’t install

I’m gonna be 17 at the end of September, which i only have until next June before I graduate High school, have to give up my Chromebook, start thinking about college and getting a job, possibly moving out and living on my own, the knowledge that my parents are in their late 50′s and early 60′s so hey might be gone sooner than most parents and I dont know how to function without my parents doing everything for me

These weird tingles ive been getting in my body for he pas couple days

The fact that im not gonna a kid soon and im gonna have to grow and stop doing whatever i want whenever i want and i’m gonna never accomplish my dream of creating a successful cartoon and will probably end up at a dead end job I HATE just to make ends meet and eventually dying alone because I dont wanna be in a relationship or have kids

Everything is too overwhelming. The light, the sound, my thoughts, its all too much. I wanna curl up into a tiny ball and disappear from this awful experience called life

Capitalism

i hate being so passionately when i’m upset, everyone else is calm but i have meltdowns and freaks outs over things i shouldn’t even care about or are miniscule (Comes with being autistic i guess)

I have 0 patience and i hate it

I’m starting to regress back to being a childish brat after all the progress i’ve made

i’m constantly surrounded by either criticism or praise that contradict each other so i dont know what to believe about myself

the fact that i have so many great story ideas but i cant write a cohernt thought with proper grammer or sytax or spelling o save my life, nor the art skill or the patience or the tech to draw comics

i haven seen my therapist in days and i need help but i know im not actually gonna change 

having gender panic

I have no in person friends and ive forgotten how to interact with people

ive become a noodle limbed nerd

Ive gotten super skinny

I want someone o break through my shell and help me change bu I know thats just a fantasy and im the only one who can do that but im too lazy to put effort into it

everything i used to enjoy suddenly feels tedious monotonous repetitive and uninteresting

I feel trapped and scraed 

The fact after being bulied so much the only way i can really assert myself is to get violent and angry because they would want me breakdown and cry

I have this image in my head of who i want to be; And badass that people including adults, are scared of and know not to fuck with me or they’ll get hurt (Basically Jotaro, bu I’ve had this image since before i even knew what jojo was) And the fact I KNOW that i’s a pointless endever and that i only dig my own grave when i get mad but its like ingrained Branded into my my psyche so im always going to larp that vision of myself but not get anywhere and only regress further

I want to address my problems and change but I never do and stay static and regress

I cant take crticisim even though i know its true

The reason im so scared of writing fanfiction is because i know its gonna be a mess despite what i think is a great story and people will end up mocking it and what little self confidence i have will shatter

Star Vs wasted potential

the fact that I dont know where to take the whole “Rubi dies at the  end of he first season but comes back o life except she’s not actually she’s just a walking meat sack containing an anchint eldritch god that will, sooner or later, burst out of her and destroy her body, and she’s fighting for control of her ow body due to Skarlotus trying to devor her soul and Data’s medience is only delaying the inevitable” storyline of my concept cartoon, The Crypto Club

I have an AMAZING idea for an Invader Zim storyline that has fascism, rascism, mass genocide, child soldiers, political intrigue, propaganda, baiscally space hitler and more (okay that came out sound REALLY bad, but NONE of it painted as good!) It also involves Zim and Dib coming together to stop an even bigger threat and there is a really ironic ending that brings my OC GA83′s story full circle

#the owl house #yume 2kki #thurston waffles #star vs the forces of evil #JoJo's Bizarre Adventure #jojolion #one piece #vent #save infinity train #infinity train #amphibia #gravity falls #the crypto club #invader zim #Princess Ovilium Midorihato Metamorphosis Androma Serugi The First #Princess Ovil

[us-ugay]

UsUk concept: they were friends/colleagues-with-benefits during the early and most intense stages of the Cold War but it was their combined jealousy that made them realise they had feelings for one another and they started dating once Alfred wasn't running on the egotistical 'global superpower' high and Arthur was generally more stable.

Add on:

Alfred definitely used and continues to use the term 'special relationship' when someone asks about the closeness of America and UK [England specifically] in geopolitics AND when someone asks how close he and and Arthur are. -☀️

is this the same anon that sent the last two AU ideas in because i love u and thank u for all this good good anonymous content to get me through my boring work days 💕💕💕

ok so 🛑 long ass post alert 🛑 i got rambly and jumped all over the place from point to point so my bad 😬

i always really liked how different ideas even in just the us-uk shipping circles are about when/how those two got together. ive read fics where theyve been fuck buddies since the late 1800s and only got exclusive recently and ive also read fics where they hook up on alfreds bi-centennial, and then even ones where its only recently (like post 00s) where theyve even admited to having feelings for each other and just now exploring that, and its so cool to see everyones personal spin on it.

i also really like when people write about alfreds (while not literally canonical but in reality canonical) fucking ego trip and domineering moves he pulls and how that would play out in his relationships 👁👁 since i have the grace and literacy poise of sack of potatoes, i dont draw or write about darker themes like that because i wouldnt be able to give it the gravity and sensitivity such scenarios deserve but i sure love reading what other, competent people write 😂 and im sure while it wasnt a /healthy/ or /good/ dynamic to be in, arthur still at least got some good d*ck out if it since he seems like he’d get off on hate/angry f*cking

also, even outside of fandom i always thought that the “special relationship” was quite a sweet phrase 🥺 i do my best not to mix actual politics w this stuff but it still warms my cold lil heart to see it encorporated into fics n stuff. just like how in a lot of fan canons have alfred always calling arthur sweetheart, alfred in canonverse would bring up the special relationship w arthur 😭 aint nothing like two relatively immortal beings in a league of their own that historically have had to be selfish and dominating to survive, denying their nature to come together and share such a delicate, loving bond 😭😭😭

started typing out my own headcanon (thats much more flexible now since i dont really GAF about canonverse stuff) but shit got long because the I.R. degree jumped out lol my bad. but tl:dr my old headcanon does align w this one in a few ways and i love that for us anon

also idk how to do readmores on mobile so just scroll ahead if ur on ur phone and dont wanna read this shit whoops

—————

havent been focused much on like canon-verse stuff recently but for the longest time my go-to headcanon was them having that 👀 tension 👀 in the mid-war period as alfred rapidly grew to becoming one of the most powerful players on the world stage and arthur was still in the midst of pretending like he was still in control of the world.

so there was those feelings of jealousy and bitterness from arthur towards alfreds success (meanwhile being hot under the collar because theres no way dude doesnt have some power/control/domination k*nks) and meanwhile alfreds finally coming into his own and sees himself as an equal player to all the former european super powers and gets upset when arthur wont treat him as an equal like the others are

of course then the 2nd bitch hits and knocks arthur flat on his ass and alfred comes in to help and while they navigate through that and the war, the politicians around them are egging “the special relationship” on and after a big ass jumble of emotions n stuff they finally hit their stride of working together as a team and get really close during it. at the end in the midsts of celebration the tension snaps and they finally hook up

then in the after war period, i imagine that theyre not 100% love birds or anything like that, its more of a slightly awkward and private relationship/borderline friends w benefits while theyre still publicly close allies. the relationship begins to really strain during the worst parts of the cold war w arthur finally relinquishing the last of his global power and alfreds increasing paranoia. i feel like there were a few times where they definitely had some falling outs and spats but they always came back because of political means and their shared history

then through the 80s, as the cold war begins to thaw both of them start getting more comfortable and their relationship gets better. then once the iron curtain falls and alfreds the only super power around, their relationship hits the best stride it ever does. they practically fly to each other’s place at least once a month and theyre a full blown romantic pair

then the stress of the 00’s casts a dark mood real quick. i dont feel too comfortable bringing up recent world politics when we’re talking about the fictional country sterotype animes so we’ll leave it at that, but personal issues wise for these two is that alfred is angry and lashing out and arthur is torn between wanting to sooth and be there for him and not like.... enabling and getting too wrapped up in stuff thats not his issues

in the last decade i think things, while not as clingy as they were in the 90s are relatively ok. current global political trends aside and think they were riding a similar wave so there wasnt too much rockiness between them but they were both fairly busy w their own shit so theyll be cutesy when together but they couldnt take much time to have little couples retreats.

nowadays? obviously distance and space apart isnt good for any relationship so i think that while they still love eachother, theyve been much more quippy and snappy w eachother over texts n stuff, but i think once they can meet up again theyll definitely release some of that tension 👀👀👀

but as i said before, this was probably the main headcanon from when i first got into the fandom stupid long ago to like...... idk maybe mid 10s when other fandoms were consuming more of my brain power? and when i “got back into” this fandom (not that i ever left but you know what i mean) ive been more focused on AUs n stuff because then i can get my sweet sweet fix of fully indulgent romance and fuckery without the weird nagging guilt of ignoring the real politics that theyre tied to on the back of my mind lol

however, i still let myself hold room for multiple iterations of headcanons when it comes to the canonverse simply because theres so many ways to interpret their characters/history/interactions/etc and obviously the full scope of the actual events that make this characters to chose from as well and it feels almost shallow to have only one view.

#thank u for the ask anon #i looked back as i was finishing up hopping from place to place and realize i didnt much talk about what you brought to the table my bad :( #ill make more smaller posts since this one was long enough #and also ive been typing away at my phone too long too lol #but it certainly helped to pas the afternoon hahahhaha #luv u kisses n all that

[magesup]

hello! i uhm well so… i wanted to send in an anonymous ask but i don’t think it’ll let me say as much as i wanted to say, so uhm… im gonna carefully write this post and hopefully it’ll make you happier!! ahah so basically first of all, congrats on 10k!! you deserve this and much much much much mUCH more!! im a new follower… it’s been a few weeks since i chanced upon your tumblr account, and i just saw that you had a twitter account and now i follow you on there and here as well, and well!! hehe im so happy i decided to follow you cause i just love your art style (ill talk about this in a bit fasdf im sorry this is gonna get like really really really long;;) and your comics. but anyways, thank you for working so hard!! i have like zero artistic capability so people who can draw really well just amaze me like woah…. woAH!!! WOAH!!!! WOAH WOW WOW OH MY GOD !!! HOLY SHIT !!! like oh my god the talent, the artistry, the beauty, the love, the etherealness. no but seriously like artists amaze me, and your art is so precious and pretty and i just LOVE how you draw in general. like i personally will never probably get the work that goes into developing an art style that like you are okay with and then drawing and creating ocs and then like coloring and shading and then like line work, but also like other features like hands and bodies and then like the face and the hair as well, so like thank you for your hard work!! like really really really thank you for your hard work ahsdjkfahsdfh 

oki but like. this is truly getting longer than i expected, i am sorry if this creepy;; ahskjfahsdf but anyways, you’re really one of my favorite artists ever i think mhm cause !! i just really adore the way you draw like everything like !!! and i also adore how you color things like it’s really unique ( or well at least to me it is ). the way you draw eyes is extremely unique and i just really really really really love it like!! idk how to explain it but like it’s so pretty and i love how you color the eyes like ??? it’s like kinda a gradient towards the inside??? like it’s a darker color to the inside color lines the outer part of the eye and then like a lighter color is inside and then a small white + black circle-like thingy!! and i just. im in love. hfsjkdhfjshdf and also the way you draw the noses and ears ( like you draw ears so well and prettily and lovely ) !! like it’s so cool and just!! you draw hands really prettily too and your clothing is always like on POINT! like the way you color the clothings and htne draw it and all the little details and shadings like … oh my god hKJSDHFSD i just love it so very much!! and i love when you do like chibi(?) form when you make comics. i think it’s the cutest thing ever and im once again so very much in love hKJSHDFDSf like the blush!! and like the eyebrows and like the small circular hands in chibi form. it’s so very cute!! and like your art is just super expressive like you express the emotions of the people who draw so well in your art and i find that wonderful and fascinating hSKJDFHKSJHDf anyways. thank you for always working so hard and for giving me the honor to look at your art and thank you for posting your art!! hehe and anyways im sorry this is really long lmao HKSJDFHKSHD please do not feel the need to post this ahsjkfhkasjdhf it got super long ;; im super sorry!! but once again thank you for your hard work and i really truly sincerely love your art!! 

oh shit wait I FORGOT SOMETHING !! I LOVE THE LIGHTING IN YOUR ART !! AND I LOVE HOW YOU UTILIZE THE COLOR WHITE IN YOUR ART LIKE I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT!! ALRIGHT IM REALLY SORRY HSDKJFHKSDJFHSKJDHF

oh,,,omg…ive received a lot of messages on here but this one is just on a whole other level,, ITS IN THE STRATOSPHERE :OOO!! i dont even know where to begin but first off THANK YOUU ??? OMG????? LOL DA HECK THIS IS SO NICE AND SWEET??? WHO RAISED YOU TO BE SO KIND!!! i was smiling so hard the entire time while reading this and each sentence made my smile grow even wider omg i will never get over this. please ive read this like 3 times over and over the best way i could describe my emotions while reading this is it looks like an exponential graph skyrocketing up TOT <3

i will now address every sentence you made in a bulleted list please join me under the cut

*loses self composure* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THANK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!! if i could manifest my gratefulness right now it would be the size of the sUN omg i seriously cant tell you how happy this made me cAN I KITH YOU??? *gently kiths*

*coughs* asdsj moving on

the acknowledgement of all the work that goes into creating ??? omg you are a true art enthusiast :,) i too overanalyze my favorite artists styles and can spend literally hours just looking at them in awe so dont feel bad about the long message i love every sentence you wrote TOT and yeah *looks back* it took a long time to get where i am now but im happy where my current level is at! earlier this year i would say my style was at the lizard stage but now i can comfortably say it is at the monkey with a hat stage :D

“favorite artists ever“ *FALLS BACKWARDS* *ANGELS SINGING AS THEY CARRY MY SOUL TO THE HEAVENS* OMGGGGG <333 nuff said that was the final blow

and reading the whole second paragraph, i was CONVINCED that you knew my own style better than i did 0_O like the way you described how i draw eyes i had to look back at my own stuff to check if it was true shdfjkh

and “unique” *doubles over* *clutches heart* thats one of my weaknesses TOT <3 that means so much to me im sure i mentioned this before but i think my styles pretty generic :,0 so hearing this makes me super happy (but i feel like every creator thinks that so its all good :D)

and noses, ears, and hands!!! bruv all the detail you pay attention to is just *ugly sobbing* im so touched omg TOT i love drawing ears and hands :,)

and thank you clothing is my favorite part to shade!!! just getting in all those folds is *clenches fist*,,,so satisfying

and thank you so much for loving the chibis TOT in all honesty i just do most of my comics in chibi cause im too lazy to draw them in my regular style skdskd the blush, eyebrows, and circle hands are critical to make a good chibi TVT circle hands >>> regular hands

and expressions!!!! omg you really think that?? bruv thats so sweet oh my god. i only know how to draw like 3 types of smiles TOT i think the fact that when i draw a certain expression i also emulate expression on my own face helps somehow ahahaaa

AND AAA THANK YOU!!! i love using white lighting it makes the colors pOP 0_o (although lately i have been lazy in using it adfsjd) (and i also have too many arts with just white backgrounds TOT)

and no please dont apologize!!! thank you so much for sending such a long heartfelt message omg it made me really really really really really happy T_T i will continue to work hard and get better and post more art!!! (ง •̀_•́)ง as soon as my sats and college applications are over my power limiters will be gone and i will draw myself into an oblivion :D

(also sorry this took so long to answer i wanted to accurately show my gratitude and appreciation for your message *tears up*)

#i say that as if i havent taken longer to answer to asks before T_T #sincerely from all of my heart thank you once again omg this made me smile so much #thanks for the ask~ #nctyz #thanks for the submission~ #theres no way i can possibly convey how thankful i am through just words on a screen but im sending you all my love <3 #submission

[mrfutureboy]

I would like to know when you started drawing and where your passion for fanart started 😊

Oh FUCK dude i did not see this i’m so fucking sorry this is so late 😭 damn you, tumblr, for not fucking notifying me!! Anyway buckle up this is gonna be much longer than you asked for <3

Honestly ive kinda been drawing all my life! I hope that doesnt sound dumb cuz obviously almost everyone drew pictures when they were kids, but i know that it’s been a consistent hobby for me since i was little. By the time i was in 3rd grade I was hoarding notebooks to draw in. Cuz that’s something fun about me: i had a real huge habit of drawing in things that werent sketchbooks. Through middle school and beyond I did buy/receive sketchbooks, but I started out with various kinds of notebooks. One I had from like 2nd grade was like a hardcover, stationary-type notebook that I drew cats in lol, and I have 2 velvet lisa frank notebooks from 3rd grade. In high school and college I had a really bad habit of drawing in the margins on my notes and on handouts the teacher/professor would give. Those classes where the prof just prints out all the notes beforehand and gives them to you to follow along? Oh man, I spent so many classes barely listening while I drew on them! I also used to draw on my physics homework and tests and sometimes I even got extra credit for them (thank you jeff :D). I actually have a folder of various drawings I’ve kept from that 8yr time period and a lot of them are on classwork 😂

Obviously, I’ve been doing a lot of digital art lately, which I’m sure is what u were more curious about rather than the shit about drawing on my homework. I got a surface pro as a graduation gift in 2016 bc prior to that i had a wacom tablet and a janky ass laptop, so the gift was kinda a 2-in-1: i can do schoolwork AND art easily! i like digital art a lot and honestly im still learning new things abt it every time i draw. I use Leonardo currently (i’ll skip that story) but I started out doing digital art on sketchfu WITHOUT the wacom tablet in maaaaybe 2012??? 2011??? does anyone on this site remember sketchfu? Honestly couldnt even tell u how i found that site hahah the internet was just full of wonders back in the day. RIP sketchfu. Once i got the tablet tho some time later i used sketchfu still (i think) but also gimp and krita i believe.

Oh i suppose I should mention that i took art all four years of highschool and also minored in it in college! So it’s something i did academically as well as for fun. I keep thinking about going to art school for realsies but idk. I’m already $$$ in debt from my first degree i dont feel like adding to that 😅😓

Ok now for the second part of your question: I’ve also pretty much always done fan art! Ive never really been one for OC’s, EXCEPT for the self-insert superhero double life “comics” i wrote about a poodle named Sassy when i was in third grade. And then the knock off “comics” i wrote at a later time which honestly it was weird that i did a knock off of my own thing rather than just adding them to the original or making it a spin off with at least one of the og characters. Cuz it wasnt a spin off!! But anyway there wasnt really much to any of these characters; i just needed vessels to get my weird ideas out.

So anyway yeah most of what ive ever drawn has been fan art or self portraits, because its just easier for me to take characters that already exist and bend them to my will (artistically). Well excluding art assignments in school i guess because i would usually have to draw something specific and therefore not something self indulgent. But yeah ive drawn for lots of fandoms like the earliest i remember is warrior cats. Then theres things like pokemon and warriors and random other books i read thru middle school (i used to read a LOT but now im practically illiterate); spn, sherlock, and marvel through high school; and then marvel and bttf thru the end of hs and beyond. Idk i also have always loved looking at other peoples fan art and so im like “shit i wanna do that too!”. Tho i will say marvel was my biggest fandom and the one i had the longest interest in, so that was probably where the passion REALLY came from cuz I was drawing marvel stuff for such a long time (tho not posting shdjsk u have to trust me), but ive been doing fan art forever :)

(Of course, a lot of the fan art i was making prior to recently was drawn in lined notebooks or on homework sheets or what have you, and I wasn’t posting really any of it, but i was still making it and a good chunk of it still exists. Oh i should also mention most of it was with pencils or ballpoint pens like i wasnt doing anything too fancy. There was some digital art in the highschool-college time frame but it also really wasnt…much. Honestly i barely posted any of it here but I know some of it’s on deviantart)

I cant pinpoint the exact time I started getting more “serious” about my art in general, but i know the first pandemic lockdown gave me more free time and i was less stressed about schoolwork so i just kinda had a good outlet. (Tho i will say that prior, I had been in a life drawing club for a short while, and i had also been working on a personal sketchbook project that had me pretty ~inspired~ to do art. Also i watched twin peaks around this time and it inspired a lot of Feelings and i was making funky collages and other art pieced that were sometimes related to that. Some of those are on deviantart)

Honestly I think the Big thing with my digital art was coincidentally getting back into BTTF the summer of the 35th anniversary bc the fandom here was THRIVING and i was like “oh shit wait i want to contribute!” But as i kept drawing i kept wanting to improve and that leads us to right now where im constantly trying new things (whether subtle or obvious) and challenging myself to do full body drawings with different poses, and doing screencap redraws and what have you for various reasons (backgrounds, proportions, pose, etc)

So yeah :) Basically I’ve been doing fan art forever (I didnt even get into all the mediums ive tried but that’s another conversation bc this is already so long and convoluted) and it’s kinda coincidental that ive suddenly really gotten back into it and have improved dramatically in such a short time. Thank you so much @rovermcfly for the ask and again im really sorry you had to wait so long for a response! Stupid tumblr

#rovermcfly #signed sealed delivered #THANK U SM I HOPE U ENJOY KY RAMBLING :) #id love to ramble more if theres anything else u’d like to hear about my art journey :) bc i know this is all over the place lmfao #i will say some periods of life were a bit more inspired than others and thats bc i like will not draw if im too stressed #bc likely if im too stressed im too tired. see: a few weeks ago when that job was draining my life force