#im literally wishing for a JOB on my fucking birthday A FUCKING JOB

[theskywaslookingback]

My dad: *texts my mom the day after Father’s Day to see if I was mad at him because I didn’t call him*

Also my dad: *sends me a text on Easter and then radio silence for months* *does not call to ask if I have plans for my birthday* *does not text to check in on me* *does not invite me over to his house for anything ever* *allows my stepmom to use his money to prioritize her kids over me* *literally doesn’t ever act like he wants anything to do with me actually* *cancels or changes plans at the last minute because he decides he wants to drink instead* *offers to help my mom pay my car payments and then never does* *gets us gym memberships and then cancels them without warning because he didn’t have the money and just doesn’t tell me* *cannot hold a thirty second conversation without mentioning ‘the Chinese threat’ or ‘Covid was invented by democrats to replace Trump in office’*

My dad: Why doesn’t my child call me? I am the specialist most important person in the whole wide world. What could she have to be mad about?

#angy #sweepy but angy #he told my mom the other day that he wished I’d gotten a real job instead of playing around like I am currently #like with zero awareness that I tried desperately for six months to find a job and literally no one would hire me #and now I can just kind of do my own thing BECAUSE my mom takes care of me and helps me financially #and that we have an understanding that I will absolutely look for a job if she ever asks me to #like we have talked about this multiple times #my silly little business is allowed because my mom makes enough money to take care of us both and invest in the business #if she were to say ‘i need you to find a job to pay for your car payment’ I’d start looking again that very second #we’re both adults like #im literally turning 30 in a few days #and he’s still running his mouth like im 16 and stupid #ignoring the fact that I’ve been sick a majority of my adult life and that it’s gotten significantly worse the last couple of years #to the point that something as common as my period will have me writing on the floor in pain for days and sick to my stomach for weeks #this man has a wife that has NEVER worked a day in her LIFE and he wants to tell ME to get a job?? #anyway she told me about it when she got home and i had to stop myself from reflexively going to set his house on fire #that man better send me fucking money for my birthday it’s all he’s good for

[inkskinned]

im having a particularly terrible night with urges and imagery that i dont know how to handle. i gave in to some things. held back on some others. but im barely holding on, dear internet stranger.

you do not owe me your time or your words.. but if you could write some hope into existence for me.. i would be unendingly grateful to you.

please. tell me how you do it. tell me how you survive. because im not so sure i can get through the fifteen days it'll take to get to my seventeenth birthday.

could you please give me something to place my faith in? i dont think the universe is watching out for me anymore.

i don't usually answer these, because i am not a professional, and you deserve professional help. when i was 17 i was terrified of the idea of professional help, because my household was extremely unsafe, and made it clear that if i ever chose to get help, i would be punished for it.

i hope this is not your case. i hope that you can call someone, and they can take you where you should go.

but i will give you the advice that i wish i got, when i couldn't get help at 17, when i was so bad that years later, i literally don't-know-how-i-survived it: what you want is peace, not death. your brain is sick. it has romanticized an ending where there are no consequences. where effort isn't necessary. where you can just... forget.

you want peace. that is a normal, human thing to want. maybe it feels more like you want quiet. or just... to take a break for a second.

here is what i will say: to end yourself means you never get to experience what it's like to actually be happy. i thought i knew what it was like, and i was bitter about it. i'd say - i've been happy, it's not worth it, because i didn't know what i was missing. i thought that happiness meant having a partner or having a job or money or a college degree. it sounded like effort. it sounded like something that had to happen to me.

for the first time in my life, just this week, i was able to go to a concert and just-enjoy-it. no liquor, no drugs. just stomping my feet and getting caught up in it. i didn't feel nervous or self-conscious or overwhelmed. i just had a good time. these days have a lot of these firsts for me - it is the first time i can eat cake without crying. it is the first time i can be around an exacto blade without supervision. it is the first time i have too many people to call when i am crying.

i can't tell you where you'll run into happiness, only that, for me, it started once i was out of that fucking house. it started once i figured out where the pain was coming from. once i figured out that i was not possessed, something medical was wrong with me. that i am not stupid or lazy, i have depression and adhd. the first few years were difficult. at 19, during my efforts to recover, i actually got worse by a considerable margin. and then, with time and patience - i got better.

happiness doesn't feel like what you think it will. in movies it's so golden and all-encompassing. but it doesn't fly into your hands when you buy your first car nor does it arrive in the arms of a partner nor does it require passing your classes. happiness came to me on a tuesday in the form of a red-winged blackbird, and i looked at her, and she looked at me, and i said - oh. the whole world suddenly filled itself in with color. like i had been forever-asleep. like every corner of every room was suddenly glistening.

it ended quickly, back then. it just stopped in to check in on me. but it was enough - this thing i had never experienced, but that i knew (logically) could happen. before that, i was only staying because it would make my mom sad if i died. that was my only reason. and then the happiness came, so strange and brilliant and lovely that for years i couldn't even look at it directly.

these days, things are so different. life is so much easier. i don't wish for death because so much of what i have is already at peace. my boss understands when i need a mental health day. people in general are less prone to high school drama. entire communities hold my hand and have my number. i have a car and a dog and a little apartment garden and candles on all available surfaces and today i bought myself a little cake just-to-celebrate-nothing. my body is my own and we are both dancing.

there are so many things i've gotten to taste in the last 10 years. i know, for you, that is an eon, because it's more than half of your life. but if it helps? in the 5 years between 17-21: i filled myself with laughter and love. i got to be a lead in a ballet and got my first tattoo and then my second and pierced my ears the way i'd wanted to (one of them professionally the other over a hot stove with a potato) and i discovered hozier is my favorite singer (i know. he was new back then) and i got my first real job and my first real paycheck and i hadn't ever been seen as smart but then i started to actually treat my adhd as a condition rather than a burden and people started saying you're like the smartest person in the room and my best friend met her husband who i will one day stand next to as maid of honor when he is her groom and i got to help people and make a stupid blog called "inkskinned" and find out that writing is actually my passion and that maybe i'm actually kind of good at it if i just practice and i got to meet my parents' dog (his name is kaiju) and i slept on couches and kissed people and tried new things and learned how to breathe without feeling my chest tighten and that peace is here, on this planet, that peace echoes everywhere, it is in my hair and my homework and my houseplants, it is quiet and divine and mine because i fought for it and i built it and yes i lost hair over it but holy shit the whole world feels like it is shifted through a sunbeam

recently someone asked me if i could go back in time to 6th grade, with all the knowledge i have now, would i? and without thinking, i barked absolutely not. i know i should say it's because i wouldn't want to risk losing any of this stuff - but really it's because i would never survive being a teenager again. it sounds incredibly lame and impossible, fake - but being a teenager was the hardest thing i ever did. i had no voice, no control, only fear and hatred.

but i did survive it. nothing about me is special. nothing about me is stronger than you or better prepared or more efficient. i didn't survive it perfectly. i made a lot of mistakes and lost a lot of friends and harmed myself in ways that i'm still recovering from. but i did survive it. and there is a part of me looking at you in the past and saying - i'm you in the future.

and holy shit. every day. every goddamn day i'm glad we survived to see the rest of it. because you hit 18 and everything changes. like, everything. and holy shit, it is infinitely worth it.

#i hope you are okay #i wish i could help more #i hope the pain eases soon #and i hope that you stay #ps . to those of you reading this thinking i should help you too: please just dm me #it makes me really #really really scared when it's anonymous #bc i cant check in with u #i am not a professional and i am not actually good at helping ppl through their troubles #this is an exception bc they are 16 #not the rule #ps if u misunderstand ''being a teenager is the hardest thing i ever did'' when i mention briefly that i was in unsafe housing... #trust me. it was worse there. by like A HUGE margin #every person raised in unsafe housing nodding their head like . oh yeah worse stuff TECHNICALLY happened after but leaving that home was #legit the hardest thing i ever did

[pupcuck]

SORRY need to talk to the walls or whatever

every night since I was ab 11 or 12 I have prayed to die in my sleep or get hit by a bus or just anything and that hasn’t changed. I don’t like when people tell me it gets better bc nothing ever has and I keep fucking up. my parents would be so much better without me burdening them I can’t get a job or get past the first year of uni and I can’t drive because my ed has made me so fucking self conscious I can’t even step outside without thinking about the way my body looks from every angle or how it looks when the sun hits. none of my friends except one have ever remembered my birthday im always insignificant in someone’s life or I’m a huge burden in their life there’s no in between. I can’t write and it’s all I have it’s all I feel like I can do and I still can’t do that. auntie died of cancer i took care of her until she died and I wasn’t even allowed to see her before she actually died everyday I wish it was me instead she had kids who don’t have a mum anymore I have literally nothing so I don’t understand why it wasn’t me but it was her instead

#tw vent #tw suicide #tw cancer

[subway-boss-jericho]

Hey all! Announcement stuff!

Thank you to everyone who has been very patient with me. I swear to god i could turn into one of those Ao3 authors thats like "hahaha sorry i havent updated in so long i died and then came back to life and then i had to work 7 jobs" and im being so fucking brave about it!! ANYWAYS THATS NOT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT!

Tomorrow is the 1 Year anniversary of steady tracks chapter 1! 🥳(and also my birthday. yes that was on purpose)

So! I wanted to give you all some updates and stuff to look forward to because oh god it sure has been an entire fucking year since I uploaded stuff and I refuse to feel bad about it but my brain is trying so hard to make me! I am working on chapter 2. Progress has been terribly slow because of severe life events, thank you for your understanding.

So!! What's next? Well, over the summer I am really fucking hoping to finish chapter 2. I know I keep saying this but literally i stg. I'm going apeshit. do you know how hard it is to think about something for an entire year and never have the time, motivation, or energy at the same time to make it exist?? fucked up!! Before that though, I have a few things.

I TOLD you all that I would talk about an AU of mine, whichever was highest voted in that strawpoll I did, and then surprise i fuckin didnt do that. I would very very much like to do that! The problem, I realized, is that I operate super hard on a reactionary basis so I am not prone to talking about anything that is mine until prompted about it or given permission. Fucking, Wack. This is my house. I should be cringe and free but nooooo. Anyways, because of this, I am planning on doing 2 things -> Actually tell you guys about spirit keeper! You all voted for him back when, and especially with that ✨Fucking, Gorgeous✨ commission from Fronomeeps I got (for me birthday :]) I really really really want to do that. And post my art more. and shit like that. seriously i need to get out of my head or I'll explode. someone needs to scream about how cool these stories are with me or I'll dissolve. -> I am thinking of doing a day long event where I stream an Aggie/(Magma?) where I draw my AUs and let people hop in to join in (as long as it stays on topic!) as well as answering as many asks as I can about my many aus and basically setting you guys up to trick me into infodumping. Because let me tell you i have a year and a halfs worth of words in my head and i am 100% confident ingo and emmet enjoyers would really like to hear them. So I wanna do a big ask party Q&A and really get things rolling!! Hopefully with drawings and doodles involved! as a celebration for myself, and as a way to open up to the greater fandom (Please leave a comment if you think that sounds cool, I'm trying to gauge interest because if i went all out and no one showed up it would be Extremely Depressing!)

ON! THAT! TOPIC!!! I am actively (literally interspersed with as I am typing this) making a UQUIZ about all of my significant AUs. For the record, there are 23 results on this quiz. I currently only have 3/23 final results completed, but it is my active focus over the weekend to finish as many of those as I can to try and complete the entire thing within a week or less. Also poking at my phrasing here, when I say my significant aus I Mean It, I have more than 23, but these 23 are the ones with stories tangible enough to start somewhere and elaborate on. I have about 10 that I would consider my main AUs, but some of the smaller ones are huge sleeper favorites.

SO YEAH!!! PLEASE LOOK FORWARD TO THAT AND LET ME KNOW IF YOU'RE INTERESTED!! I really wanna do fun stuff and get to know people in the fandom more than just. that person who wrote 1 chapter of a cool fic that one time. I have so much more to offer and I struggle so much to offer it. Please draw me out of my shell, I wish to enter the fandom sphere 🥺

thank you for giving me a great year <3 ((and hopefully the next one will be better <3))

#Status Update #AUs #Long Post #Ingo pokemon #Emmet pokemon #Submas #i feel a little bad about putting this on the main tags but im not joking when i say i really wanna break out of my head and do something #fun and exciting #Subway Boss Jericho Taking The PA System Aux

[heathenpoetry]

My husband wanted a huge family before our son was born. All our future plans were built around that shared ideal. But as soon as our son was born, he decided he hates kids and doesn’t want more. He’s still kind to me but wants nothing to do with our son and it breaks my heart. He is as bad of a father as one could be without being outright abusive. He’s never changed a diaper, never fed him, never dressed him or comforted him. Won’t celebrate his birthday. He says he doesn’t have to because he has a job and brings home a paycheck.

The only thing that’s kept me around so long is that I’m a SAHM and if I divorced and had to get a job, I’d have to put baby in daycare and couldn’t homeschool. I have no family. All my friends are mutual friends with my husband so I have no one to talk to without this getting back to him and making things worse. Sorry for dumping this on you. I literally don’t know why. Maybe I just need someone else to acknowledge how fucked up this is. I’m so tired.

goshhhh 8((( im so sorry i don't even know what to say. literally i just wish i could help you and take your baby for a while so you can get some rest. im sorry he's a deadbeat, you don't deserve it and neither does your son. people who think they want something while having 0 reality on it then make huge life decisions that affect others this way are at the peak of ignorance. im sorry your life is this way but i will put good hopes out for you that things change, truly, and again im so sorry

#txt #happy to read this and to be an outlet if it helps #i can't imagine the stress #ask

[peonypuddles]

Tag game to get to know you better

tyty @minuutti for the tag :))

What book are you currently reading?

I just started "Some will not Sleep" by Adam Nevill and its ok so far! not the worst in my constant search for good horror books

What's your favorite movie you saw in theatre this year?

I don't go to the theater like ever but my favorite movie I've seen in theatres is Nope! Still and always thinking about it

What do you usually wear?

since I'm doing lab work every day I'm not at my other job everything i wear has to be lab appropriate :(( but I like big pants little shirt outfits and use that formula for most of mine lol

How tall are you?

5'0 or 152cm

What's your star sign? Do you share a birthday with a celebrity or historical event?

Pisces sun, Capricorn moon and Leo rising :) My birthday is on the Ides of March and the death of H.P Lovecraft which is all I know off the top of my head

Do you go by your name or a nickname?

I've had nicknames in the past, but most people just call me by my name which is fine with me tbh i have no strong feelings for or against it

Did you grow up to become what you wanted to be when you were a child?

Nope lol I really wanted to be an astronomer but now im a chemist, so I guess I at least stayed in the same field

Are you in a relationship? If not, who is your crush if you have one?

Nope, not anymore :) i have no crush and I am actually much happier single than I was in a relationship. I do not want that to change rn

What's something you're good at vs. something you're bad at?

baking vs. driving/navigation

Dogs or Cats?

I love both but I'd prefer to have a cat

If you draw/write, or create in anyway, what's your favorite picture/ favorite line/ etc. from something you've created this year?

Really love my Perfect Blue drawing I did recently still! I feel like I'm finally finding a digital art style I enjoy that also looks nice

What's something you'd like to create content for?

Looking into making some ghost band art soon actually! I've been meaning to for a while but working myself up to making fanart always takes some time lol

What's something you're currently obsessed with?

Beetles. I literally fucking love bugs and it's all I talk about. I only have TikTok to watch people raising GOP beetles and videos of Hercules beetles beating the shit out of each other and little grubs digging around in soil

What's something you were excited about that turned out to be disappointing this year?

No idea bro my standards are already kinda low for everything media wise these days

What's a hidden talent of yours?

Depending on who you ask, either that I can do art or that I can do math. Friends from different social circles have very specific opinions on who I am and what I do for school

Are you religious?

Nope!

What's something you wish to have at this moment?

A tattooooo I'm so hyped for my booking but its so far outttt and I'm impatient

Tagging any of my mutuals! do it NOW (please)

#puddles posts #tag game

[prettyinpurplelights]

Happy galentines day! Send this message to the inbox of 3 blogs to let them know you appreciate their work 💞

Tempted to not send this to you today so i could write a big fucking letter tomorrow because you will always be my valentine.

Yes I'm about to let the whole of this fandom know exactly what we've been through.

I was 17 when i met you. SEVEN FUCKING TEEN. WE WERE CHILDREN IN TWITTER JUST HAVING FUN. and now? I'm 22 and tomorrow it's your birthday (yes i remember) and we are two adult women still having fun and trying to figure our shit out. (If you're asking me we are doing a pretty damn good job).

You are the first person to ever read any of my scripts. First script i ever wrote in my life, you were the first to say something good about it even if it was crappy af (but Jude law forever YK). You were the first to push me into chasing it professionally and always there to hear any of my silly ideas and dumb writings, always supportive. I made you a promise and i intend to keep it that you will be there for my first premiere.

You've been there at my worst for real, made me laugh, made me cry and somehow i know that even if we don't talk for a year it's always the same with us. Bullying tom Holland, bullying each other and screaming about things we can't control.

Thank you for being my big sis, tolerating me when I'm an annoying Greek and loud girl, for being this person i know i can run to always. I hope you know I'll always be that person for you too. Funny how it all started by bullying holland, isn't it?

I love you forever xx

WHATTTTTHAWNS I LITERALLY DID NOT SEE THIS NOW IM CRYING AT 3AM??? I LOVE YOU SO SO SO MUCH WOW I DONT DESERVE YOU 😭😭💖💖 no like im literally crying i love you soooo much im so glad we’ve stayed in each other’s lives all this time (you’re literally getting an invite to my wedding like FRONT ROW) (and thank u sm for remembering my bday omg) wish i could give u a hug rn ilyssssm SO SO MUCH! HERES TO OUR NEXT SEVEN YEARS OF BOTHERING EACH OTHER MWAAAH HAPPY GALENTINES LOVE U! (Have i said I love you yet? no? I LOVE YOU!!!)

[kr8t3r]

a record of where im at, at this moment of time (fall of 2022)

for posterity ?

- im an honest to god chef. well i’m a commis at a fine dining place but its essentially the same job and i use fucking tweezers and am learning french techniques and we do stupid new american fine dining shit like have the first course of 14 sitting on a wooden plank hanging off of the dining room walls for guests to grab as they sit down (which they never all get whats going on so there are inevitably some gougeres missed or my dumb fucking ass forgets that there is food sticking out of the walls mid-service and i knock a bunch of tarts over)

- i love my partner he’s the best

- my friend moved in with me and if my landlord sells this house i’m going to ask them if they want to go in on a two bedroom. 

- there are mice in my house this winter which are keeping me awake right now

- dj-pilled but privately dj-ing in my bedroom alone after work and getting better

- a friend of mine is nearing the end of their alcohol b ender possibly which is Good but they also wont stop texting me right now and i wish they were just up and sober and sad so that we could go to taco bell and they drive but they’re up and fucking wasted and texting me one word at a time 

- getting manicures with my mother for her 59th birthday because i do love her and she’s literally fixing to leave the continent forever once she retires. 

- im not happy always but i am making steady strides and am definitely more balanced than i ever have been in my life. feeling purposeful. hopefully i don’t fuck this up

[stormyoceans]

[VICE VERSA episode 9 parts 1&2]

TIME FOR EPISODE 9 WHICH IS ALSO MY NUMBER LET’S GO!!!!

I’m so curious/excited to see how they interact as a couple

I guess we should thank Mek since he inadvertently gave them the final push they needed

Omg it’s so fascinating how he’s talking about the two people /he/ sees in front of him while Puen and Talay are completely separate individuals

Oh fuck off with the whole “I know you like X so I’m pretending to like them too so you’ll take the step you need” strategy

I TAKE BACK WHAT I SAID ABOUT BEING THANKFUL TO MEK, FUCK THIS GUY

“Don’t make him sad” or I’ll cut your balls off

(as the intro starts) What… the fuck… was that

Oh NOW the characters in the script have names???

Puen’s smile after he puts Talay’s hand on his cheek… So warm and full of love…

“I don’t think–” SHUT THE FUCK UP NO ONE ASKED YOU MEK

I WANT TO SEE UP AND AOU’S RENDITION

Please stop playing the “get freaky” music while Up is halfway pelvic thrusting

“This is my seat” as someone on the spectrum I’ve never related to Up more

PUEN IS SO POUTY ABOUT NOT BEING ABLE TO SIT NEXT TO TALAY

Right in front of Up’s popcorn

Puen wants to make love to Talay so badly (y’know, get all the pent up feelings out) but there’s literally two cockblockers in the way

(as he makes out with the pillow) HE’S NOT EVEN BEING SUBTLE ABOUT IT

HOSHI THE DOGGO

… oh noooooo the animal smacker and Aou are gonna end up together aren’t they

… or… not…?

Yeah no they are, I hate it

Cake instead of cotton candy?? I quit

“My wish is to stay here as long as possible” uh-oh

You can’t just steal someone else’s life, Puen

“That’s selfish” “how” C’MON DUDE

“Pakorn also stole my life” NOT INTENTIONALLY

A heart-breaking argument is not what I expected going in :’’’)

It’s not like I don’t understand Puen’s desire to stay, I do, and I get how difficult it is to leave a life of everything you never had in your own behind, but it’s still not right to hijack it forever

Fuuuuuuucckkk they were about to make up

As much as I appreciate how hard Talay is trying to understand Puen better, I hope I’m not expected to change my mind

TIME FOR EPISODE 9 WHICH IS ALSO MY NUMBER LET’S GO!!!! <<<<< i’ve always been meaning to ask if the 9 has some meaning in particular so im using this comment as a way to do that!!! please let me know about it!!! [EDIT] WAIT I JUST THOUGHT ABOUT THIS. IS IT BECAUSE YOUR BIRTHDAY IS 18/2.

I’m so curious/excited to see how they interact as a couple <<<<< EXACTLY THE SAME AND THAT’S ONE OF THE REASONS WHY I LOVE THEM SO MUCH BECAUSE THEY GENUINELY LIKE EACH OTHER AS FRIENDS WAY BEFORE THEY BECOME LOVERS WHICH MEANS THEIR DYNAMIC DOESN’T REALLY CHANGE EXCEPT FOR THE PHYSICAL INTIMACY. of course im not saying the physical aspect is the only thing that separates a friendship from a romantic relationship, and i think the show actually does a great job in showing how the level of understanding and commitment between puen and talay evolves the more their relationship does, but at the same time being together doesn’t change who they are. it’s like what we’ve seen in puen’s fantasy at the beginning of episode 6: we could hardly tell that it wasn’t real because they still acted very much the same, bickering and bantering as always. now they’re just going to add the third B: banging. the triple threat (to my sanity, mainly)

Omg it’s so fascinating how he’s talking about the two people /he/ sees in front of him while Puen and Talay are completely separate individuals <<<<< WHEN I SAY VICE VERSA BEST SHOW OF THE YEAR!!!!!!!!! literally how can you not become obsessed with it like this is a genuine question can people please tell me how they can just casually watch this show and then never think about it again because it's been months and im still not moving on and it's frankly becoming a problem

Oh fuck off with the whole “I know you like X so I’m pretending to like them too so you’ll take the step you need” strategy <<<<< SFJKSGFKSGFJ LISTEN i know that's always a ridiculous plot point to use to move a relationship forward, however im willing to buy into it this one time because 1) as i already said way too many times in previous commentaries, drawing a parallel between the talaypuenpang situation in ep 7 and the puentalaymek one in ep 8 was essential to have talay openly choose puen and finally confess his feelings, and 2) tun and mek were highschool friends, so i KNOW in my heart of hearts that my man mek had to spend sooo many hours listening to tun mooning over tess and then having to comfort him when tess turned out to be an asshole. if after all that i came back years later only to find out that my old time bestie was still seeing his highschool crush (who used to be a dick in the past but now seems to have become a decent human being) and had to witness the two of them running around in circles when they obviously like each other, i would probably pull some shit to make them confess too ;;;;;;

“Don’t make him sad” or I’ll cut your balls off <<<<< this is literally what i used to say to all of my friends' partners sfjksgfkg

(as the intro starts) What… the fuck… was that <<<<< LOOK I GET IT BUT ALSO NO THOUGHTS HEAD EMPTY EXCEPT FOR PUEN TELLING TALAY "don't forget to take care of me" AND TALAY'S LITTLE SOFT SMILE AS HE ANSWERS "i know it" [WEEPS]

Oh NOW the characters in the script have names??? <<<<< FUCKING LOSING MY GOD DMAN MIND RN BECAUSE BACK IN EPISODE 4 WE SAID “Guys, at least pick initials instead of “male lead” and “female lead”, use T and P as a cute nod for all I care <<<<< NOW I WISH THEY HAD ACTUALLY USED THEIR INITIALS THAT WOULD HAVE HAD ME SOMERSAULTING CLIMBING THE WALLS SPINNING COUNTERCLOCKWISE ON THE FLOOR SCREAMING" AND I NEVER FUCKING NKTICED THAT FOR THEIR SECOND MOVIE - THEIR SUCCESSFUL MOVIE - THEY ACTUALLY HONEST TO GOD FOR REAL CALLED THE MAIN CHARACTERS 'PITCH AND TOEY' I'VE REWATCHED THIS SHIT 15 TIMES HOW DID I NEVER NOTICESFJKSHFKSGFKSGDKSH IM A FOOL. AN EMBARRASSMENT. IM A SHAM AND A FRAUD. IM ALSO GONNA NEED TO TAKE A MOMENT OR A THOUSAND TO JUST RUN INTO THE WOODS HOWLING SCREECHING WAILING WEEPING SHRIEKING CLAWING MY FACE OFF

Puen’s smile after he puts Talay’s hand on his cheek… So warm and full of love… <<<<< IT'S THE WAY PUEN TRACES TALAY'S FACE SO TENDERLY AND LEANS INTO TALAY'S HAND WHEN HE BRINGS IT UP TO HIS FACE AND HOLDS IT WITH BOTH OF HIS!!!!!! "HE WANTS TO FEEL THE WARMTH OF THE MAN HE LOVES"!!!!!! TALAY IS THE MAN PUEN LOVES!!!!!! AND PUEN WANTS TO WAKE UP NEXT TO HIM EVERY DAY FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES, WANTS TALAY TO BE THE LAST THING HE SEES AT NIGHT AND THE FIRST THING HE SEES IN THE MORNING!!!!!!!AND THEN TALAY OPENS HIS EYES AND THEY CAN'T STOP SMILING AND LOOKING AT EACH OTHER!!!!!! THEY ARE JUST SO IN LOVE AND PUEN IS POURING ALL THOSE EMOTIONS INTO THE SCRIPT AND IT MAKES ME RABID TO THINK THAT THIS IS WHY THEIR SECOND MOVIE WAS SUCCESSFUL, WHY THE CHARACTERS FINALLY HAVE NAMES, BECAUSE NOW BOTH PUEN AND TALAY HAVE OPENED UP TO LOVE AND TO EACH OTHER, THEIR FEELINGS ARE ALIGNED, AND ONCE AGAIN IM ASKING HOW CAN YOU NOT SACRIFICE YOUR SANITY TO THIS SHOW WHEN THERE ARE LAYERS UPON LAYERS OF DETAILS TO DISCOVER WITH EACH REWATCH

“I don’t think–” SHUT THE FUCK UP NO ONE ASKED YOU MEK <<<<< IT'S SO FUNNY HOW DONE YOU ARE WITH MEK BUT I MEAN. HE ISN'T WRONG PUEN IS BASICALLY USING THE SCRIPT TO WRITE SELF INSERT FIC SFJKSGFKSGDKSG

Please stop playing the “get freaky” music while Up is halfway pelvic thrusting <<<<< im sorry but that's EXACTLY what the "get freaky" music is meant for (im laughing at the fact that you're calling it like that too now sfjksgdksg)

“This is my seat” as someone on the spectrum I’ve never related to Up more <<<<< would love to hear your thoughts about autistic up and if you think that could be canon!!!!

PUEN IS SO POUTY ABOUT NOT BEING ABLE TO SIT NEXT TO TALAY <<<<< puen has to step one (1) meter away from talay and he's like the world is a cruel and unjust place. there is no armony in the universe. the only constant is suffering [gets to hold talay's hand] jk everything is fine <3

Right in front of Up’s popcorn <<<<< imagine trying to get some popcorn but there are two weirdos just holding hands in the bucket with no respect for the people who might actually want to eat said popcorn..... i have no idea how up and aou can stand them THEY ARE INSUFFERABLE (affectionate)

Puen wants to make love to Talay so badly (y’know, get all the pent up feelings out) but there’s literally two cockblockers in the way // (as he makes out with the pillow) HE’S NOT EVEN BEING SUBTLE ABOUT IT <<<<< THIS SCENE STILL HAUNTS ME IN MY SLEEP AND SO DOES THE KNOWLEDGE THAT JIMMY IMPROVISED THE ENTIRE PILLOW PART. I'LL BE 90 YEARS OLD AND STILL BE LIKE 'DOCTOR JIMMY JITARAPHOL POTIWIHOK ONCE TOOK A PILLOW OUT OF ITS COVER AND BURIED HIS FACE IN IT AS A STAND IN FOR EATING OUT HIS COSTAR'S CHARACTER IN GMMTV HIT BL SHOW VICE VERSA' AND THE POOR NURSE TAKING CARE OF ME WILL BE LIKE 'SURE MA'AM LET'S GET YOU TO BED'. THE WRITERS REALLY SAID 'WE'RE GONNA MAKE A CHARACTER THAT IS SO HORNY' AND JIMMY REPLIED 'SAY NO MORE I GOT THIS'. LITERALLY THE MOST DERANGED MOMENT IN TELEVISION HISTORY

HOSHI THE DOGGO <<<<< FIRST THE KITTENS AND NOW THE CUTE DOGGO THIS SHOW IS SIMPLY THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING

… oh noooooo the animal smacker and Aou are gonna end up together aren’t they // … or… not…? // Yeah no they are, I hate it <<<<< THIS IS WHY I COULDN'T SAY ANYTHING TO ALL YOUR COMMENTS ABOUT UP AND AOU I DIDN'T WANT TO GET YOUR HOPES UP BUT I ALSO DIDN'T WANT TO SPOILER THINGS. i actually find fuse and aou pretty cute together, and at least you know that aou is gonna set him straight (.....sort of sfjksgfj), but if it makes you feel any better i do think up and aou made out at least a couple of times in the past!!!

Cake instead of cotton candy?? I quit <<<<< i think you meant cotton candy instead of cake but sfjksgfjsg yeah some things in the alternate universe are just so ridiculous

“My wish is to stay here as long as possible” uh-oh // You can’t just steal someone else’s life, Puen // “That’s selfish” “how” C’MON DUDE // “Pakorn also stole my life” NOT INTENTIONALLY // A heart-breaking argument is not what I expected going in :’’’) <<<<< DON'T YOU JUST LOVE PAIN SUFFERING TORMENT AGONY ANGUISH HEARTBREAK DESPAIR :))))))))))) (shout out to jimmy and sea for doing such an amazing job with this scene, i still think they do love and adoration better but the hurt and tension between them is just so palpable here)

It’s not like I don’t understand Puen’s desire to stay, I do, and I get how difficult it is to leave a life of everything you never had in your own behind, but it’s still not right to hijack it forever // As much as I appreciate how hard Talay is trying to understand Puen better, I hope I’m not expected to change my mind <<<<< my brain is currently refusing to cooperate so idk if im gonna be able to explain myself properly, but i personally think the show did a great job with this because it never actually suggests that staying in the alternate universe is a real option. like.. yes, the writers do try to make talay understand puen's point of view, but it's more because talay loves puen and wants to know him rather than because they want talay to change his mind. going back is the right thing to do, and deep down puen knows it too, so talay feeling betrayed by puen wanting to stay is definitely understandable, but at the same time he didn't deal with it in the best way he could. talay's life in the original universe is a pretty good one (he has a family, friends, and the job of his dreams), but not everyone is as fortunate as he is (and this episode we got to see a glimpse of how puen's life must have been like when he is sitting in the dark eating alone before talay and the others get in with the cake). like kita says, "we all have our own pain that we are enduring, you can't compare your life to theirs", and while obviously that doesn't justify stealing someone else's life, trying to understand why they don't want to go back is the only way to make things better

#IT'S BEEN 84 YEARS #i hope it was worth the wait ;;;;;;;;; #vera and monica watch vice versa #m: ask

[prilbrey]

12/14/2023

Today, I've decided to write again. It's been a really long time since the last time I actually wrote what I'm feeling. I couldn't contain the emotions I am feeling right now, I just needed to find a way to let it out. So, here I am again on Tumblr writing down my thoughts.

Let's do a little recap about my life. March 2023 That was when my partner and I decided to leave my parents' house due to a conflict I had foreseen that could never be fixed. During our stay there, It was obvious they chose to hate us instead of appreciating us for being there to provide support. I wish it wasn't like that, so I tried to find what might be the root cause for all the hate that they have for us. For me, as their daughter, it all goes down to the fact that I'm their gay useless daughter who couldn't give them anything to be proud of. I've seen the way my mother looked at me. She literally believes that I'm going no where because I'm gay, uneducated and that my life revolves only around my partner. That was my waking point. My family has always made me feel that I'm not that important, that even when I'm gone it wouldn't matter. So that's why I've decided to pack our stuff and leave.

May 2023

It was my birthday. I was in so much pain. But I have to keep going cause I'm all we have at that time. My partner was healing, and I was hurting. But it's okay, I got it. August 2023 It was a very difficult time for me. I had to decide for us. I feel like I have to quit my job so we can move to Manila so my partner can find a job. That way both of us could help each other financially. The feeling of quitting my job gotten stronger due to the changes that happened on job. So decided to finally move out and move to her father's side. November 2023 I got a job that I thought I would like, turns out it's something that I couldn't do. It's too difficult for me, then my health keeps fucking things up and makes things even hard for me, I keep getting sick every god damn week and it's frustrating. I know my body is adjusting but jesus. I'm sick of drinking meds everytime I feel like Im about to get colds again. Good thing happened though, My partner got a job. She's doing it for us. She's stepping outside her comfort-zone and now has the courage to figure life out again. Which is good, that's all I ask and I'm very happy for her. December 2023

I decided to quit my job at OPT.

I know it's a bad thing, and I'm sure is scared of what might be the outcome of me leaving the company during our training. But one thing I learned is that if you don't want something, if it does not make you happy, fuck it and leave. I have multiple chances out here, I just have to find one job. One job that I know I get and I will be good at someday. Also has hmo and offers full-time contract as well. I need to find a job that makes my sacrifices worth while. My partner's father snapped out. He got home drunk and decided to bother us. He wanted to feed the cats and our dog the huge bone from the food that he was eating. My partner asked him to stop, but he continued to show his childish act and when my partner raised her voice he decided to be the man of the house and slapped her. And that's the moment when I realized that he hates her daughter. He hates her for not being able to exceed the expectations he has for her. He expects her to be the provider from the beginning till the end, but ever since she lost her self and left her job she was no longer the kind person he's supposed to be proud of. He's just like my parents and every other toxic Filipino parents out there who has this massive ass expectations towards their children and if they don't meet those expectations they talk shit about you and tears you down. That's what he is, that's what he have shown that night. I don't care if his heart is broken, I don't care if he was there to help us when we asked, because he could have just refused and said that I can't help you guys, we did not begged him for any help. He said he would help us, only to find out that he started to hate us as well and he broke her again. So when she was crying in my arms. That's when I knew that, We're all we have. It's you and me against the fucking world. Whether if we have shitty life, shitty job, shitty parents it doesn't matter. We fight till the fucking end till we get to live the life that we fucking deserve. 2024 is coming, and I'm fucking prepared for the battle. I'm not gonna sit here and be depressed about how shitty life is, Tomorrow is another day. Things will turn around. We'll both work hard to make our new year worth being alive for.

[p-t-f-s]

forgot it was possible to see sideblog notifs and im. surprised they have followers but then again so does this blog lmaooooooo. i should make vents again. i miss that. no time like the present.

fuck i need to work on my project thats past due and due tonight and if not turned in would drop me to a C but god. i hate this class and dont wanna but im already on my second retake and this time it was genuinely so much fuckin easier. even if the exact same professor bc shes the only one teaching this class did even worse with scheduling and assignment access this semester. and i genuinely have not been this suicidal since fuckin high and middle school. two different points in each. most bc of my middle school insomnia and All That That happened but my high school wasnt much worse considering i was working part time to full time my senior year of high school while also getting my associate's as my mom was kicking me out/to live with my dad in the near the end of the school year bc of me turning 18 and her being "free" of her legal duties to me [she was not bc by our law that SHE AS A FUCKING FEDERAL JUDGE KNEW was till the child of dicerce is 18 and GRADUATED HS DIPLOMA] she was finally free to move to the opposite side of the country/the political problems and backlash of challenging the baked in theosociological power structure of our city. my birthday was march and graduation was june. literal months and she couldnt wait that fuckin long. and so for the months leading up to my birthday and after i had been living out of my car which both my dad bought for me as an agreement between him and my mom as the end of his child support payments to her and so i wouldnt take the public bus after my mom forgot we had to lie to him that i was being driven to school so he would let me get my college degree bc i had to be at community college at 16 in a Large Dangerous City on the Worst Side Of Town. that shit sucked. i was Stressed and goddamn does it suck being an adult living under your own power and money, no matter how feeble, to know that even when situations are technically objectively better you can still be hella fuckin depressed. and fucking obsessive intrusive thoughts do NOT help but fuck do i wish i had the time to call for help to be able to see a fucking doctor for the first time in my life. like an actual full general doctor and getting an actual checkup and not just a walgreens sick note/athletic packet check. only having ever gone after socially pressuring ur dad by asking his gf for advice while hes halfway done in the bathroom so the conversations still going as he exits so SHE can hound on him instead of being brushed off as an anxious teenage girl bc "whats a doctor going to do?" when asked to go to the er. whos insurance ur on bc you asked him months ago while working on moving in and you couldnt go alone without ur guardian but youd been unable to hear from one ear for months after multiple home/self remedy attempts to clear wax blockage assumption. or my mother coming to visit curious as to why i still have acne after turning 18 bc you shouldnt have acne past 18 and making a dermatologist appointment she paid for to help but having previously told me that she didnt believe in getting sick bc she hadnt gotten sick for years.

and now i have about an hour left to work on a partial coding project bc now IT management is apparently the job of accounting now. i get rationally why theyre doing it and why its important but its fucking stupid and i hate it and again its fucking stupid. anyways. heres to hoping that it goes alright ig but fucking kill me and i hate everything but i swear to fuck if i dont get my bachelors next year im going to lose my shit

#personal #me #actually me #vent post #lmao

[harryhandstan]

lindseyyyyyy

SUPER BELATED HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! 🎉🎉🎉🎊🎊🎊🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁😽😽🥳🥳🥳🥳

(im sorry that was super late)

its crazy how fast a year goes by. i hope youre doing better now after the accident :(( what happened?? you dont have to answer if u dont want to ofc!!

i honestly have no words. im sorry you had to go through all that :(( i wish i could take away the pain ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

i am soooo happy and excited for you! you and your family deserve to live a peaceful life!! i honestly have no idea what its like in georgia but i hope you find somewhere safe!! maybe you could try to find a remote job if you wanted to stay in the area?? and honestly f*** your dad. you don’t deserve any kind of negativity im so proud of u for sticking up for yourself and your family!

ive got one year left!!! and it’s finally over!! school’s been ehh. its still difficult for me to make new friends but i’ll get over it. i got nosebleeds to see taylor 😭😭 but its still better than nothing & thank u!!

PLEASE tell me about stevie nicks and your roadtrip!! i cant wait to hear about it

im soooo proud of u!! im always here for u and im always wishing you the best! 🩷🩷🩷���🩷🩷youuuu

-🧸

ahh thank you baby!!! no it's okay I didn't make a big deal about my birthday this year so it's fine 😊 it was the day after we got back from our road trip and I stayed with my sister for a few days and just hung out with her! she got me some cute lil harry coded fruit hair clips and made me dinner and we had cake and ice cream and watched a movie with her roommate!

oh no I don't mind saying what happened! I honestly thought I had already said, I'm sorry! my mom and I were leaving to go grocery shopping and I got kicked by a horse. I am doing better I've made a TON of progress but still feel like I have a long way to go. like doing simple things still takes a lot of my energy sometimes! like I said I was supposed to start a new job working at a daycare as a lead teacher and I think I'm gonna have to give that up now, because I can't imagine being able to work a full shift doing something like that 😔 which just kind of makes me feel lost rn as to what to do for income because I so had my heart set on working there!

thank you thank you for all the love, I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes as I type this because it means so much coming from you! you'll never know how much I appreciate it ❤ it was honestly one of the most insane experiences I've ever had to go through, but as horrific as it was I feel like it's helped me appreciate life a lot more than I did before and realize the impact I have on people and how important I am to them! like my little brother said he cried when he found out and he's just not someone who shows his emotions a lot so it made me very 🥺🥺

I'm so sooooo excited for a new place like I'm already looking at things for my room and I'm looking forward to being able to put up so many harry related things and the big nakey™ poster that all the other harries have and like I said just a nice, clean, peaceful place I can heal and grow in!! and honestly we're in an area of GA that's superrr rural there's literally nothing here lol. I think we're gonna try to get an apartment in the same place where my little sister lives though so that would be perfect! I already feel at home there when I stay and it's a good little area. I probably will have to end up either getting back into selling crafty things or a remote job until I can build up my stamina again to be able to do more and get an in-person job!

yeah fuck phil all my homies hate phil!! he's done nothing but cause us trauma and stress and we'll all be better off away from him. thank you for your pride in me!!! it's never been easy for me to speak up for myself so I'm surprised I've been able to so much with him. he and I had a confrontation in 2021 where he just flat out asked me what was wrong and why I was upset with him and when I told him he basically gaslit me and in the end when I was standing in front of him crying after pouring my heart out, I was told “it’s been that way for a long time, you just need to get over it 🤷🏼‍♂️” so that’s what I’m gonna do, move out and get over it!!

ahhhh only a year left that’s amazing!! my heart is so full of pride for you I know how much hard work it takes to do that and it’s not easy. I hope you treat yourself when it’s all over to a big fat gift or some other sort of treat!! you deserve it 🫶🏻 and nosebleeds for taylor is okay!! I went to see her on the Red tour and we were in nosebleeds and it was still an amazing show. be careful and have a great time!

seeing stevie live was magical like I cannot even describe the good energy I felt while being there ✨ it was my first big outing after my accident and we had seats so I was able to sit down when I needed to (which was a lot more than I wanted to but it’s okay).

our road trip was only a few hours away but it was to see my little brother who we hadn’t see since december of 2021! we spent 4 days there and didn’t get to do a lot, but it was still great to visit him and his girlfriend. we hung out by the pool, ate at some cute little restaurants, saw the new little mermaid movie, and did some shopping 😊

again I’ll never be able to thank you enough for your pride in me!! I’m always here if you need me or whenever you wanna stop by to hear me ramble lol

all my love to you!!! 🩷🩵🩷🩵

#ask me stuff #anon #answered #🧸

[venusmlp]

I've been searching ways how to... you know. And i know how i'll do It. I have my mind set now. I've been thinking about doing It bf my 18 bday but my friend wanted my party to be a trip to búzios, which i thought was a good idea so i was gonna postpone... It. But it ALL feel apart as usual.

Sooo my dad. Have i talked about my dad? No? Well i love him, but he isn't a easy person to live with. I guees i never talk about him bc it's just too much. It makes me sad that i can't take his touch. That i flinch we he wants contact. It's just that he's too touching and i can't deal with that. I know he would never hurt me in that way. Ever. But it kills me that sick stuff is what i think about when he gets near. It's an uncomfortable feeling i can't push away when i'm near man. It's not him. It's man. He doesn't understand that and keeps pushing, hugging, squeezing, and slapping my but ass a joke, and when i reject him i'm a bad daughter that doesn't love her father.

We fight. A lot. Every. Single. Day. I hate It, he hates It, but i don't understand why he keeps touching on topics he knows will make us fight. He wants to change me and he doesn't like that I don't have the same opinions as him. He says i'm only doing this to piss him off, to confront him. He doesn't accept that i'm a person with my own mind and view of the world. We fought over politics so many fucking times it's ridiculous. He literally treats me like shit bc i'll vote differently then him. I swear that we have fought over politics EVERYDAY SINCE 2017. I can't do this anymore. I beg him everyday to stop bugging me over this but he just won't stop. Today I was literally doing nothing in my room, alone, I wasn't bugging anyone. He came by to lecture me once again over fucking politics. He said I don't know what I want and that once again I just want to go against him and that I shouldn't vote for who I want to vote. It's the same thing for over 5 years... I exploded ok. I talked back, I said I'm my own person and I vote whoever I want and that I don't base my life choices in going against him. I said I have a mind of my own. He got pissed at me and took my things from me. Said I was and insolent ignorant child and that I could forget my bday and forget my hair (I was going to the salon to fix it). That he gives up on me. That I'm dead to him. That if I want something I need to get a job. It's so bad I don't even want to vote anymore just so he won't hate me. I can't let him win this, this is exactly what he wants. He's a liar. He says he loves me and that I don't need to worry about life, that he never wants me to leave. But it's a lie. He wants me as long as I'm a little vertion of him. The second I have my own opinion he wants me gone, I'm nothing to him.

Now, I know I can't survive on my own, Im berelly even living as I am nevertheless having to provide for my own. I'm hanging over a theead and I'm this close of ending it all. I really can't do it. Every little thing is a motive for me to want to slice my arms off or swallow the entire pills cabinet. If I can't be here then I can't be anywhere. You don't know how useless I am without help. I stopped at a point and I can't evolve anymore. I feel like a child. I act like a child. I'm broken. I wish it was different but that's the truth. I can't count how many times I tried to end it all after our fights. It has to work now. My mind is set on the eve of my 18 birthday.