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cheerioss · 5 years

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ladybug reactions (spoiler alert!!!)

a little late cuz i was busy but i finally watched ladybug!! again im on mobile so sorry about not putting the keep reading thingy!! btw im pretty harsh with alya but i dont hate her it was just my reaction so no alya hate i swear :))

- theme song: AHHHH NO IM NOT READYYYYYYYYY

- wait adrien making the charm bracelet???? wasnt that like back in s2?? wuts going onnnnnnn

-well i still dont know wuts up by yay marinette he allowed adrien to go to you bday party cuz of u i guess

-OH THIS IS A FLASH BACK IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW

-oh look gabe the hawky man is out if the house look at that

-OHNO LIELA WUT R U DOING WUT R U PLNNINGGGGG >:(

-idk wut she stole but it's bad ohohohoh OHNO HOW DARE U U R GONN ACCUSE HER IF THEFT DKSJDJSJ

-lieslieslies liela please stop talking

-"u gOtTa StoP oBsSesSiNg OvEr hEr mArInetTe" yes please listen to yourself when u are with lila thanks

-wow even chloe is shook okayokay im liking this episode alredy even tho i hate liela's guts

-*gasp* omg she got full marks im so proud of u girllllll after all the akumas from mr. buttfly man u deserve it fvldkwkw

-OH YES FINALLY- ew liela- SOMEONE'S DEFENDING HER

-liela you're hardly making it unbearable?? like no offence u are just an inconvinience that just wont stop

-oh great all of the "liela accused marinette of pushing down the stairs" fics are coming truu

-iM SORRY MR DAMOCLES LIKE UM U SHOULD REALLY INVESTIGATE IT FIRST?? DONT JUST TAKE SOMEONE'S WORDS AT FIRST VALUE??(i mean in my opinion)

-if liela is having this much trouble shouldnt her mum be called?? since this is a case of "severe bullying"

-YAS THE PARENTS BELIEVE HER this episode is going great

-um since when was ms bustier with them??????? but go off i guess

-alix is mad?? well u better sorry to the person who will give u your miraculous i mean come on u should know marinette isnt a theif?? u should question it??

-OH YES ADRIENS GONNA DEFE- OH COME ON MR DAMOCLES NOW THAT'S JUST RUDE

-hawky im disappointed in u like i have no words to describe it i cant believe u would encourage this liar to cause teen drama

-again?? okay normally i would say give nathalie a raise but now yea okay u 2 deserve each other sheesh OH catalyst is returning dksjfjsjjd um where's the butterfly mask thingy??

-oh nooooooooo fight it mari!! don't let it get u!!!!!! ohhhhh loook chloe's protecting sabrina- wait does liela know about gabriel being hawkmoth??

-princess justice-- altho yes marinette deserves to be princess but i only accept if she's chat's princess

-NO DONT DO IT wow buttfly man so now u careeee. wait so if the person hasnt become an akuma the butteflies go away?? woah.

-um alya shouldnt u find it weird that all these lies involve liela?? like liking same guy aside--

-"yOu'Re mY bEst FrIeNd mArIneTtE i tOtaLlY bEliEvE u" and u wont believe her when she told u about liela go tell her "cHeCk yOuR SouRcEs" yea and then liela's story become tru great job ms reporter

-im sorry ma'am , sir but your daughter needs to run away to be ladybug sometimes???

-liela's mum???? MA'AM YOUR DAUGHTER HAS BEEN HELPING THAT MAN CAUSE HAVOC--

-oh there's some back story about emilie?? im intrigued

-wow liela good u see u actually do lie well for once but i still hate u anyway--

-oh nathalie wut a rebel wait hold up- theo?? dude just how many jobs do u have??

-and we return to the oh so beloved sewer!!

-duusu has such mood swings but I LOVE HER SO MUCH

-soooooo still havent come up with a name for u yet do u just break and buy new glasses everyday orrrr

-lolllll she's like "ahhhhhh my masterpiece is gonna be perfecto!!"

-omagod NO

-oh adrien gonna defend her-- oh nevermind mayura's there NATHALIE THIS ISNT REALLY A GOOD TIME-

-did she just- do that evil dramatic laugh for the cameras?? becuz honestly sameeee

-plagg i love u dont ever change

-CHAT NO IT'S A TRAPPPPP

-return of the marinette vision!!

-wow this sentimonster is good at actingggg also marinette please be there soon my heart cant take it

-omygosh ADRIEN PLEASE DONT BE STUPID AHHHHHHH NO

-*moment of realisation* oh shoot she likes someone else!! "uhhhhh it's- it's over"

-ADRIEN DONT KISS HER U IDIOT- omg yas thank u ladybug for saving this idiot

-"I CANT BELIEVE U FELL FOR THAT!!" pffft idk why this is funny HAHAHAHAHA

-oh mayura wait where was the telepathy mask the whole time anyway- yes ladybug is smarter than that

-marinette u take that back--- yes chat but u should know the love of your life but that tiny smile and giggle thoooooooo

-oh okay it's not the giant sword again

-lol she got a fork

-pffffft was that just-- a giant gum shooter i cant i cant even *laughs for like 5 mins*

-awwww nooroo caressss im sorry u had to go through this babyyyyy

-well oof that sound thank gosh im not wearing earphones

-awww yea 2 ladybugs dkskdkdkd "buggettes and kitty cats" I STAN

-noooo sentiladybug :( oh i guess adrien wasnt allergic at the moment :/

-wow the wordplay hawky definitely like father like son

-grandpa-- oh adrien poor child if only u knew

-ohhhhhh mothface u will regret it if u knew who chat was

-nathalie just gave up loll i relate

-aww the tail moves so cute

-yea rip buggette 2019-2019 :(((

-she's just my assistant-- alright go on your business i've got more interesting things to see

-hey we finally here the photographer's name- ewwwww liela wat is she doing hereeeee

-ohohoh adrien's angry liela u better watch out

-YAS FINALLY HE'S PROTECTING HIS PRINCESS GIRLFRIEND FRIEND

-"becuz we're friends aren't we??" wow u really just pulled that card

-rare disease- sir u should call for a doctor or at least a doctor's note yes?? like this is very um *cough* concerning *cough cough* no matter how.... moving

-hey marinette's tryna be the bigger person by being nice and mend bridges now you're just being rude

-EWEWEWWWWWW CURSED PHOTOS CURSED PHOTOS BLEH CALLING ALL EDITORS TO FIX THIS MESS!!!!

-yes marinette's face is a mood

overall this episode is actually realllllllllly gooooood they did really well with this one and yea now i can come up with scenarios to u know, put liela in her place :))) (there might be art for it if there is im gonna look out for them)

#ml ladybug #miraculous ladybug #miraculous spoilers #miraculous #ml season 3 #ml spoilers #mlb #ml

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franeridart · 6 years

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Hi hello love ur art is amazing and inspiring! Sorry I'm hyper. Also I have question! Been wondering for a while actually but like Diamond Bakugou right? Like how tall is he? Cause I know the diamonds have different heights so I was wondering exactly (actually both him and Kirishima) if he is like Blue and Yellow or like Pink?? Ily💜

Thank you so so much!!! And I guess more around Pink’s height? But to be honest with you while doodling those sketches I was like “...it’s su no one will get on my case if I go off-model” lmao so I can’t say I have any set height in mind, he’s just... tol lol

Anon said:it took me two straight days to hit the bottom of your blog in just the bakushima tag- then I realized in the tags for it you said "I promised myself I wouldn't draw for this fandom" - hmm, your art is amazing btw

LMAO anon you don’t get it, the fact that since then I spent two whole years doing little less aside from drawing bnha is exactly the reason why I didn’t want to start hahaha I could feel this was how it was going to end r i p

Anon said:I pre-ordered TMH zine and I'm super excited cause there's so many amazing content creators involved and just... Kiri and Baku you know? What's not to love! Anyway just wanted to say I'm most excited for your comic! Since I absolutely adore all your art and comics and from your preview it looks awesome!! So yeah! Thank you for all the amazing things you've created so far and I'm really looking forward to whatever you feel like making in the future too!! Oh also I love your OCs!

OH MAN thank you SO MUCH for buying it!!!! I really hope youre gonna like the comic, I worked so hard on it !! ;^;

Anon said:i'm sorry that i'm throwing this at you but concept: bakusquad goes to an amusement park ft. spinning teacup rides where baku and kiri spin it so fast it breaks while kaminari's crying, sero's laughing, and mina's recording it

hAH the only way you can get Bakugou in a spinning teacup is to allow him to turn them into an extreme ride there’s no doubts about that hahaha

Anon said:hey! I know you don't allowed respots but, can I use your art as icon? like for tumblr and twitter? if I can't I'll understand and respect. thank you for your time ❤️

It’s cool as long as you credit!! Thank u for liking my stuff enough to want to use it like that!!

Anon said:I love all your art!!! And ahhhhh your new costume sketches are so freaking good!!! First, thank you for being amazing!! And second, I was wondering if you'd be ok with it if I used one of them as my phone background? Totally understand if not! Thanks!

NO PROBS AT ALL thank you SO MUCH for liking them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:What do you think of BKDK?

Don’t ship, but I’m highly invested in their canon relationship and its development!

Anon said:I am way more invested in Luca and Nico than I should be. XD I really love Luca a lot, your ocs are really interesting and the art is so pretty.

Thank you so muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuch ;O;

Anon said:The only thing I can think on Kiri's hero costume on winter, is Bakugou getting extremely flustered and yelling that Kiri is gonna poke someones eye out. 'Cause them nipples hard baby.

That seems to be the general feeling of the whole fandom, doesn’t it hahahaha it’s real tho, Kiri it’s winter pls don’t die

Anon said:Ever heard of Bo Burnham? In one of his sketches, he says "The issue is, I got my father's temper and I'm emotionally inarticulate, so rather than being honest and vulnerable I did a quick switch because I'm hurting inside and I'm trying to hide it, so eat a d[u]ck man"; swap "father" with "mother", and isn't that the best description of Bakugou anyone could have ever offered?

Never heard of him before, but this is pretty damn accurate haha

Anon said:You said you think Katsuki's ticklish (which is just too much fun to imagine), but what about Kiri? Does he take advantage of it? Do they strike you as a couple that would engage in tickle fights, which maybe start as sparring? or the opposite, a tickle fight becomes a full-blown grappling contest?

Kiri definitely takes advantage of it and the worst thing is that it’s not even a fight cause with Kirishima’s quirk he’s completely immune to tickling (and also attempts at other types of attacks in general - explosions - to make him stop) so once he manages to get a hold of Bakugou and start tickling him all Bakugo can do is yell and cry-laugh and hate him a lot hahaha

Anon said:Date-Dave Anon here. Since Dave isn't really the date type, do /you/ wanna go on a date? Somewhere classy. Like the cheesecake factory or something.

A n o n ple a s e ................... !!!!!!!!!! (a cheesecake factory does sound pretty neat tho :O )

Anon said:Could you draw Momojirou cuddling please? Thank you! ♡

Yes I could! I’m not taking requests nor commissions right now tho so I’d ask you to wait till I got a moment to spare I don’t wanna waste on the usual krbk de-stressing doodles haha

Anon said:i bought the tmh zine just so i could have a physical version of your art :3 and krbk of course

;;;;;;;;; omg thank you so much!! I really hope you’ll like the whole zine, it’s such a good one imho !!!

Anon said:Do you know what mbti/16 personality test is? And if so do you know what yours is?

Seems like I’m an INFJ :0

Anon said:Im so happy you shared the names of your ocs because i absolutely love them! There one of my favorite things on your posts! I was really interested in Tony and Ila so it was nice to finally know there names!!! Keep up the good work your amazing!!!

SOB I’M SO GLAD YOU LIKE THEM THEY’RE MY SOFT KIDS specifically Ila and Tony they’re very very soft and I’m very very happy you’re interested in them ;^;

Anon said:hi I like ur art and ur awesome ❤

THANK YOU!!!!

Anon said:Do you have any other ships that are as strong as kiribaku for you?

They’re my otp so no lol in the past I’ve had ships just as strong as them, but currently they’re my main source of entertainment and strong feelings - I do have other ships that make me go !!!!!!!!!!!!!! a lot, both in bnha and in general, but none as strong as krbk are :D

Anon said:that drawing of nico with his hair up i wanna cry. i am now thoroughly invested in luca and nico both as a pair and individually and i really hope to see more of them in the future because THEY BRIGHTEN MY DAY AND FUEL MY SOUL AND YOU ARE A LOVELY HUMAN.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I really hope to draw more about them, so thank you SO MUCH for being interested!!!! ;O;

Anon said:do you have an opinion on the ship ocha*mina (ashido and uraruka)??

I guess they’re cute? But I don’t have any strong opinion about them, I have a lot of mina ships I like better and generally I’m at best lukewarm about ura ships ngl

#fran answers #more answers in less than a week!!#i feel so productive my guys #*wipes tear* go me #anonymous

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dazaaaai · 6 years

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(person from ur tumblr): CAN I JUST SAY THIS BLOG IS AWESOME :D I cant believe I found another person who likes bsd! btw Im Kunikida's wife, nice to meet you. Tell ur hus that Kunikida wants an explanation regarding the sudden disappearance of his nb XDD Aaanyways, to get to the point, I was hoping maaaybe for a prompt like: Kunikida sick w/ cold and a sweet Dazai takes care of him...?

HI THERE!! Sorry this is so late omg it’s been almost half a year but BLESS!!! It’s always good to have more people who like the Bungalow Wild Pups :D hello Mrs. Kunikida it’s a pleasure to meet you as well, I’ll be sure to tell Dazai to attend to the case of Kunikida’s missing notebook XD And yes !! You may of course, have your request! I think it’s not as fluffy and one-on-one as you wanted, but I had a lot of fun writing, so thank you for requesting and I do hope you enjoy it as much as I did typing it up!!

This Can’t End Well

⋆pairing: none that are mentioned!⋆ characters: Doppo Kunikida, Osamu Dazai, Akiko Yosano (main); Atsushi Nakajima, Junichirou Tanizaki, Kenji Miyazawa, Edogawa Ranpo, OC (secondary); Fukuzawa Yukichi, Kirako Haruno and the clerks (mentioned)⋆genre: mostly comedy, fluff near the end⋆ rating: K+⋆warnings: mentions of vomiting and other sickness symptoms⋆words: 2051→ summary: Kunikida’s definitely sick, and neither the Agency nor he himself are entirely certain what to do. Dazai, however, has a plan…

This couldn’t end well.

He didn’t want to admit it. It was shameful, and he had work to do! He couldn’t just slack off, couldn’t just stay at home… He had a schedule to keep to, an ideal — there was no way he could allow himself to be lazy, no way he could allow himself to act like…

Dazai pinches his cheek, “Kunikida-kuuuun. You look awfully red.”

Kunikida growls, “Well. Maybe if someone weren’t standing here trying to annoy me to death, my complexion would be a lot paler.”

“I don’t think it’s just that,” Dazai hums, moving his hand from his cheek to his forehead, Kunikida doing everything in his power to keep typing and not snap Dazai’s wrist. “Kunikida-kun, I think you have a fever!”

“Absolutely not,” Kunikida quickly swats his hand away before returning to his ever-important document. Click-clack, click-clack…

“I think maybe Yosano-sensei should take a look at you.”

“Absolutely not.”

And then, to Kunikida’s horror, his body completely betrays him. His nose seizes, his lip quivers, his face scrunches up…

He does an awful, awful thing.

He sneezes.

“Bless you, Kunikida-san!” Comes Atsushi’s voice from across the desk, from where the tiger boy is sitting, on the other chair.

Kunikida swiftly wipes his nose with a hanky, returning to his typing.

“You know,” Dazai says, leaning against his chair. “Our little photographer says that where she’s from, a single sneeze means bad luck, or very simply, ‘be patient.’ Maybe your work can wait?”

“Nonsense! I do not procrastinate,” But his voice sounds stuffy — stuffier than usual, Kunikida’s sure Dazai would remark — and his eyes feel weary. His throat is scratchy, too…

“Uh-oh,” Dazai coos. “I think somebody’s definitely sick.”

“No.”

“You really don’t look so well, Kunikida-kun.”

“I’m fine, Dazai!”

“You’re sick,” Dazai’s teasingly insistent, turning to his subordinate, “Atsushi-kun! Doesn’t Kunikida-kun seem sick to you?”

Atsushi glances nervously between his two superiors — one wears an easy-going smile and the other’s glaring daggers at Atsushi, as if daring him to speak up.

“W-well,” he begins. “Kunikida-san’s a logical man… Why would he come to work if he wasn’t feeling well?”

“I don’t know,” Dazai hums. “Why don’t you ask him?”

Atsushi takes one look at Kunikida, yelps, and buries his face back in his paperwork.

“I am not sick, Dazai,” Kunikida says, with a sense of finality — he refuses to accept any prolonging of this discussion. He has work to do.

But then…

Coughs.

It’s a small, tickle of sorts, within the back of his throat, at first. Then the tickle turns into scraping in his lungs, and soon enough Kunikida’s hacking up spit and bile into the palm of his hand, desperately trying to keep the contents of his stomach inside his body where they belong.

“Kunikida-san?” It’s Junichirou this time, he’s walking by with a stack of folders and binders. The boy’s bright red eyes gaze at Kunikida with concern, “Are you alright? You don’t look too good.”

“Tanizaki-san, I assure you, I’m in perfect health—” Kunikida says, but ends up being unable to continue as another coughing fit wracks his chest.

Junichirou frowns, “You should go lie down in Yosano-sensei’s infirmary, if only for a bit. It’d help a lot — I can take over what you need to do for today from here, if you need me to.”

Kunikida dismisses him with a wave of his shaky hand, “No, I insist. I have it under control.”

He returns to his typing, only to realize upon hitting a certain point in his document, that he needs to refer and source something from a case they’d solved last year — the files to do with that are not on the hard drive belonging to the computer he’s currently working with. In fact, they haven’t been digitized yet, so they’re on a shelf against the walls of the office, a little ways away from where Kunikida’s working.

All he has to do is get up and get the binder. Simple, right?

Not right. He gets up and is immediately hit by a wave of dizziness so intense that both Atsushi and Junichirou shout at once, “Kunikida-san!”

They rush to his side just as his head’s about to hit the ground and catch him, the two younger, weaker boys barely holding the man upwards, dragging him back to his seat, which he collapses in gratefully, and while breathing heavily.

“You definitely need a break,” Junichirou puts a hand to Kunikida’s forehead, tutting when he feels the high temperature of his skin.

“No no,” Kunikida insists, but when he sits up he again finds himself dizzy, collapsing back once more in his seat.

“Everybody needs to rest sometime,” Atsushi says, voice soft.

“I can rest at night, when I’m asleep…”

“Kunikida-san,” Junichirou continues. “We’re going to take you to Yosano-sensei and see what she thinks, okay?”

Kunikida’s face manages to pale, at least, in comparison to how red it is from his fever. “Oh no.”

Dazai cackles maniacally, “How exciting! Gotta get treated by the scary scary doctor when you have the suds, Kunikida-kuuun…!”

“Is he alright?” Kenji asks, poking his head out from behind Atsushi and Junichirou, who’ve been waiting outside of Yosano’s office for about half an hour.

He was asking this question to Yosano, of course, who’d finally unlocked the door and stepped outside, seeming bemused in expression but smiling gently at Kenji, then laughing.

“Oh he’s fine,” she replies at last. “He’s just sick.”

“I knew it!” Dazai yells cheerily from across the floor.

“So he really is sick?” Junichirou bites his lip, “Can you heal him?”

Yosano shakes her head, “No. My ability only works on injuries, and is mostly intended for the life-threatening kind… It can do nothing for psychological damage, medical problems you were born with, nor, in this particular case… The common cold.”

“He caught a cold?” Atsushi’s almost in awe. “That seems so strange. He’s always seemed so healthy and hard-working.”

“Finally took its toll,” Yosano sighs. “It’s a sign that he needs to rest.”

She then narrows her eyes, looking all around at the Agency members.

“Whatever you do,” she begins, tone deadly serious and commanding. “Do not let that man leave his bed. I don’t care if he begs or pleads or cries, he will not work today.”

“B-but,” Atsushi tries to argue. “Yosano-sensei! You know Kunikida-san is so very, u-um—!”

“Doctor’s orders,” is Yosano’s firm reply, as she exits the Agency with her heels pattering against the marble. “Now, I’m off to get cough syrup for the patient. Do what you will to make him feel comfortable, if you feel like it — though I’m sure he’d rather you all be working in his absence.”

The door shuts, and a silence falls upon the members of the Agency.

“What…” Atsushi trails off. “Now?”

“Isn’t it obvious, Atsushi-kun?” Dazai laughs, coming to put a hand on the boy’s shoulder, “We take care of Kunikida-kun until Yosano-sensei returns from the pharmacy.”

“How do we take care of him though?” Junichirou looks at Dazai, curious. “We’re not doctors.”

“Oh, pish-tosh! It’s just a cold, right? Everybody has home remedies for a cold! Why not throw some suggestions my way, and I’ll see what I can do for my beloved coworker!”

“Dazai-san,” Atsushi’s surprised. “I didn’t know you cared about Kunikida-san so much.”

Dazai puts a hand to his chest, as if he’s completely and totally offended. “Why! Atsushi-kun. I’m struck at the very idea that you thought I don’t care about him. Nothing could be further from the truth! He takes such good care of the Agency, why don’t we return the favor for a change?”

There are slow, then enthusiastic nods amongst the younger Agency members, but Ranpo simply cackles from where he sits, sucking on a lollipop.

“Oh yeah,” he shakes his head, eyes ever closed in amusement. “This can’t end well.”

“Now now,” Dazai claps his hands together. “Ranpo-san, don’t be so pessimistic! So, which of you lovelies has an idea for what we could do?”

“Well,” Kenji taps his chin. “Honey will do the trick, if he has a sore throat.”

The brown-eyed girl sitting next to Kenji sticks out her tongue, “Honey. Yucky! I hate that stuff. I have a better idea,” she gets up off her seat, and skips off to the front door, “I’m going to go down to the café, ask Lucy if she has any maple syrup. Same effect, tastes much better!”

Before anyone can stop her, the door is opened and shut once more.

“Maybe something hot and warm to eat,” Atsushi turns around. “Like soup.”

“Atsushi-kun, can you cook?”

“M-more or less, but—”

“Wonderful! Accompany the little princess down to the cafe and ask if you can use their kitchen and ingredients — be sure to tell them to put charges on your tab, alright?”

“B-but!”

“You’re the one who suggested it, not me. Now go, go go go!”

Atsushi sighs, getting up and doing so.

“What should we do?” Junichirou and Kenji ask in unison.

“Hmmm,” Dazai tips his head, thinking. “You two should take care of Kunikida’s work while he’s away from his keyboard. I’m sure he’d appreciate that tons!”

Junichirou furrows his eyebrows, “His work is really complicated, at least to me. I’m just an errand boy, Dazai-san…”

Kenji nods in nervous agreement, “Yeah. And I still don’t know what a computer is, let alone how to use one!”

Dazai laughs, like it’s not a problem at all. “You’re two capable boys! I’m sure you can figure out.”

They exchange glances, then get up, bowing lightly, saying, “We’ll do our best!”

Dazai waves them off happily, then turns to the infirmary’s door with what can only be described as a grin akin to that of the Cheshire Cat.

So begins his fun…

“Y-Yosano-sensei!” Kunikida splutters as the woman enters her office once more, having returned with the cough medicine she’d promised.

“Hmm?” Yosano raises a perfectly-shaped eyebrow in confusion. “Kunikida-kun, you’re acting so scared as if I might treat you with my ability.”

“This is worse,” he whispers. “So much worse.”

“What happened?” Yosano rolls down one of her gloves to check her watch, “I couldn’t have been gone more than forty minutes.”

“Dazai happened.”

And Kunikida, with a dying voice, though Yosano insists for him to rest his throat, regales her on all the awful things that have occurred in those devastating forty minutes that Yosano was absent.

First, Atsushi and his little friend come back up into the Agency, one with a pot of hot soup, and the other with a big urn (that’s the only word that comes to Kunikida’s mind, as it was just so large) of maple syrup, both insisting that he eat it all.

He, er, had expelled most of it, to his utter humiliation and to Yosano’s complete unsurprise.

And then, it got worse… Dazai came in and tried to cheer him up, as it were, by driving him “COMPLETELY UP THE WALL” and constantly poking and prodding him, pretending to give him a soothing massage when really he was nearly breaking Kunikida’s foot to go along with his disease.

Then, to top it all off, Junichirou comes in, maybe five or ten minutes before Yosano’s return, only to tell him that he finished all of Kunikida’s work… When Kunikida asked Junichirou to show him, Kenji waddled in with the laptop, and after seeing the state it was in, Kunikida could do nothing but scream.

Kunikida’s end up sent home for the week — and the detectives are given a thorough scolding from the President. Ranpo laughs about it nonstop, every day up until Kunikida returns…

And once he does, nobody goes near him, not even Dazai.

They know if they do…

It won’t end well.

But, when Kunikida arrives, all better now though even angrier than usual, to sit at his desk…

He finds a little card perched on his laptop.

He takes the small, thick paper, and unfolds it to reveal the words, surely in one of the members’ neat calligraphy…

We’re sorry!! Get well soon, Kunikida-san!

And it’s signed by every one of the detectives and clerks, even Dazai and Ranpo.

So maybe it did end well, after all.

#bungou stray dogs #kunikida doppo #doppo kunikida #dazai osamu #osamu dazai #yosano akiko #akiko yosano #armed detective agency #bsd #bungo stray dogs #fanfic #anonymous #ask

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krystalclearfashion · 3 years

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Walk Away I Suffer From That Disorder Where I Speak The Truth T Shirt

I want to give a Walk Away I Suffer From That Disorder Where I Speak The Truth T Shirt shout out to the honest company back in february I ordered their prenatal vitamins I didn’t receive them and eventually looked through my emails they had been sent to my old house address assuming I forgot to update my address on file I figured it was my loss after awhile I recalled having a delivery to my current address here it is nearly may and I finally called the honest company it turns out that I had added my current address but somehow it was not set as default customer service made the address change for me and is sending me the prenatals I ordered back in february anytime I have called for help with an order the honest company has gone above and beyond to help me and btw the organic breathe easy rub has been a miracle for my baby’s chest congestion. Want to join opening night of springsteen on broadway this week bid on front row center orchestra seats plus invitation to the after party in support of the kristen ann carr fund here ️ the auction closes tomorrow afternoon. Why is victoria’s secret paying for tests on animals again animals used for testing live in small or overcrowded cages with little to do but wait and wait in panic and constant fear of hearing the cage door open because when it does they are forced to ingest or inhale cosmetics ingredients or substances are rubbed onto a raw patch of skin on their back or dripped into their sensitive eyes then they are made to suffer without painkillers for up to two weeks while these cruel tests are conducted and they are eventually killed please stop contributing to animal cruelty thank you

Source: Walk Away I Suffer From That Disorder Where I Speak The Truth T Shirt

Walk Away I Suffer From That Disorder Where I Speak The Truth T Shirt, Hoodie, Sweater, Longsleeve T-Shirt For Men and Women

Walk Away I Suffer From That Disorder Where I Speak The Truth T Shirt

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So this is going to be a bit long but bear with me I had what I believe to be a pointless and incredibly frustrating experience with the assistant manager jamie at your auburn hills great lakes crossing location today I have been coming here for three years I frequent your orlando san marcos and new jersey locations as well at least once a year when we stop we usually spend 5 to 10 thousand dollars on your products the system is simple I go in park in a corner and bring bins to my corner sort them bag them move them to the front register and repeat today I brought a personal duffel bag as it holds about 8 to 12 of your bags worth of stuff I get told that i’m not allowed to use it because it’s policy not a big deal at all I say okay i’ll do that for the rest rather than rebag all of this i’ll just go up in line and pay for it and it can sit behind the counter seems pretty reasonable to me nope I got obstructed suggested that I might be stealing something and not allowed to pass stating if I don’t want to follow the system I can leave he then takes my entire duffel dumps it onto the floor and then rebags it into victoria secret bags then moves it to the front counter so it can be rang in I thought this was a little odd but hey he was doing all the work rebagging it so whatever i’m like dude i’m going to be spending about 8k today all I want to do is come in spend some money get out without any drama what’s the problem whoevers in charge should be thrilled with a sale like this we’re spending 8k keep in mind that I told him that I would do what he wanted and it wasnt’ a big deal and the response was to the effect of stop being lippy and just listen I told him what do you want from me I just agreed with you and said I would use your bags i’m not being lippy at all I know this because I said okay dude not a problem i’ll use your bags his response was maybe if you get to buy it i’m like what are you suggesting that an 8 000 order is something you guys don’t want he’s like yeah if you buy it i’m like dude we are spending 8k today why would I bag up a bunch of stuff and spend 2 3 hours picking our your fabulous product to not buy it anyway so I had 4 credit cards one card had 2 000 one had 3500 one had 2000 and one had 1000 because I am buying for multiple people I had 4 different cards all in my name I wanted one receipt for each card not a big deal to me right wrong again he cited some policy and said if the order is more than 750 items that they aren’t allowed to ring in under 750 items on any one receipt id like to point out that that amount is higher than your employees said they could take as a cash payment I asked him to please show me that I would understand better if I could just read it he was willing to do so he brought out the policy book and to my surprise what it actually said was words to the afffect of cash payments cannot be split up or over 750 items I forget the second half my immediate reply was so what’s the big deal im using credit not cash he snatched the policy book away from me at that point and said you know what you can just listen to me or I don’t have to let you buy anything it’s up to my discretion I then called your orlando outlet and your new jersey outlet and talked to the store managers and cited your policy I was given I asked them to confirm if that was accurate and both said if it was a policy it was news to them I then asked if they would let me buy my order using 4 cards and 4 receipts the woman at orlando said oh my gosh yes we do that every single day I asked if I went to her store if I would have any trouble with this in the future and was told no then she said you can always come down here if you’re in the area and i’ll be happy to take your order after that phone call I tried again here’s the video of that attempt I said listen I have 4 credit cards your register girl said you told her she can’t ring up an order under 750 items that’s 3500 if it’s 5 items not all of my cards have that much I have done multiple receipts every time I came here heck I can even supply them to show it he tells me that because I am order so many items that I can’t have less tan 750 items per receipt so I point around to everyone else and ask what about everyone else you aren’t forcing them to spend a minimum of 750 items what about the final charge i’ll have 750 items for two tickets but the leftover isn’t going to be 750 items you’re not going to let me buy them he shrugged his shoulders to say no at this point I haven’t yelled ive been a bit snarky and sarcastic because I know he’s just giving me a hard time two people ring in our order almost every time I am up there and we were there 3 times in the last 6 months spent a bunch each time so at 730 8pm or so we are done shopping assuming that two people could ring us up ended up being a fantasy he forced one employee only to ring us up later on he comes up when its now close to 9pm and says hey you mind if we ring you up on both registers I chuckle and say no I don’t but you do you don’t want to be breaking that 750 rule do you he glared at me and then sent the employee away and walked off after blinking a few times I laugh because after telling me over and over he couldn’t do it he just got caught trying to do what should have been done to begin with a short while later after 9 I find out that everyone is standing uip front except for the one girl and another associate because none of the rest of them are allowed to help her ring us up the only two people left in the store with about 700 more items to be rang in if that’s not enough since it was a holidy all of these employees are apparently being paid overtime to stand around and wait at a bit after 10 all but two girls leave and one girl is waiting to count cash while the other girl sits and keeps ringing stuff in we apologize profusely we expected two employees to ring us up like always and timed our visit to be out around 9 if this had happened instead of having one literally stand there and watch her for 1 hour and 47 minutes after close we would have all been out on time and no overtime or extra hours spent so finally at 10 47 pm our orders are done we thank the lovely girl lauren and jasmine who got stuck staying 2 hours past close because a manager made up some random policy and had to double down when I pointed out he really needed to follow that 750 rule when he was going to toss another girl on the register if this is policy fine it doesn’t seem to be no manager at your other outlets knew what he was talking about the orlando one insisted that the only restrictions are on cash payments and verified I was paying cash or credit it’s a pretty humiliating experience to get hassled trying to buy panties and bras by someone who’s on some type of power trip the only thing I said sideways to him was that I flat out didn’t believe his policy and that credit absolutely is not the same as cash I didnt call him any names scream at him or did anything to disrupt the store beyond what you see in the videos if this is not policy i’d like an apology from that manager in person or over the phone admitting he was mistaken I would hope that the next time I go there I am not hassled but if not I guess there’s always orlando or new jersey who seem to be quite friendly I also want to give recognition to jasmine and lauren lauren is the poor soul who got stuck ringing everything in alone because of the manager’s silly rule and not allowing anyone to help because it would be in violation of the 750 item rule jasmine was the cash counter who had to wait until we were out of the store to count cash even more interesting is that I had a former employee with me helping me buy and she said she never heard of this policy either but it doesn’t mean it wasn’t added since she left she was just as confused because the manager spent over 30 minutes trying to explain and defend this when that time certainly would have been more efficiently spent doing productive things instead of hassling someone who literally sits in a corner and speaks to no one while sorting through your products one bin at a time id love a call back about this or to find out what exactly is going on ive never been hassled like this before and it was a little frustrating and very trying to keep my cool joe rossetti alexandria gunn See Other related products: Walk Away I Suffer From That Disorder Where I Speak The Truth T Shirt

#Trending #Walk #Away #I #Suffer #From #That #Disorder #Where #Speak

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usashirtstoday · 3 years

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I Go Camping To Burn Off The Crazy Campfire T Shirt

I want to give a I Go Camping To Burn Off The Crazy Campfire T Shirt shout out to the honest company back in february I ordered their prenatal vitamins I didn’t receive them and eventually looked through my emails they had been sent to my old house address assuming I forgot to update my address on file I figured it was my loss after awhile I recalled having a delivery to my current address here it is nearly may and I finally called the honest company it turns out that I had added my current address but somehow it was not set as default customer service made the address change for me and is sending me the prenatals I ordered back in february anytime I have called for help with an order the honest company has gone above and beyond to help me and btw the organic breathe easy rub has been a miracle for my baby’s chest congestion. Want to join opening night of springsteen on broadway this week bid on front row center orchestra seats plus invitation to the after party in support of the kristen ann carr fund here ️ the auction closes tomorrow afternoon. Why is victoria’s secret paying for tests on animals again animals used for testing live in small or overcrowded cages with little to do but wait and wait in panic and constant fear of hearing the cage door open because when it does they are forced to ingest or inhale cosmetics ingredients or substances are rubbed onto a raw patch of skin on their back or dripped into their sensitive eyes then they are made to suffer without painkillers for up to two weeks while these cruel tests are conducted and they are eventually killed please stop contributing to animal cruelty thank you

Source: I Go Camping To Burn Off The Crazy Campfire T Shirt

I Go Camping To Burn Off The Crazy Campfire T Shirt, Hoodie, Sweater, Longsleeve T-Shirt For Men and Women

I Go Camping To Burn Off The Crazy Campfire T Shirt

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Premium Trending This Summer Season will Presents Who Love:

Face narsskin luminous moisture cream stick concealer soft velvet loose powder eyes black valley eye paint black moon eyeliner pencil via veneto larger than li a I Go Camping To Burn Off The Crazy Campfire T Shirt eyeliner pandora duo eyeshadow iskandar eye paint brows oural brow gel brow perfector lips red lip mysterious red velvet matte lip pencil nihiwatu velvet lip liner nude lip stick concealer narsskin restorative night treatment. Glasgow king tuts show on tues will be supported by midnight lion miaoux miaoux tickets have gone very quickly if you would still like to come along then get a ticket before the night. So this is going to be a bit long but bear with me I had what I believe to be a pointless and incredibly frustrating experience with the assistant manager jamie at your auburn hills great lakes crossing location today I have been coming here for three years I frequent your orlando san marcos and new jersey locations as well at least once a year when we stop we usually spend 5 to 10 thousand dollars on your products the system is simple I go in park in a corner and bring bins to my corner sort them bag them move them to the front register and repeat today I brought a personal duffel bag as it holds about 8 to 12 of your bags worth of stuff I get told that i’m not allowed to use it because it’s policy not a big deal at all I say okay i’ll do that for the rest rather than rebag all of this i’ll just go up in line and pay for it and it can sit behind the counter seems pretty reasonable to me nope I got obstructed suggested that I might be stealing something and not allowed to pass stating if I don’t want to follow the system I can leave he then takes my entire duffel dumps it onto the floor and then rebags it into victoria secret bags then moves it to the front counter so it can be rang in I thought this was a little odd but hey he was doing all the work rebagging it so whatever i’m like dude i’m going to be spending about 8k today all I want to do is come in spend some money get out without any drama what’s the problem whoevers in charge should be thrilled with a sale like this we’re spending 8k keep in mind that I told him that I would do what he wanted and it wasnt’ a big deal and the response was to the effect of stop being lippy and just listen I told him what do you want from me I just agreed with you and said I would use your bags i’m not being lippy at all I know this because I said okay dude not a problem i’ll use your bags his response was maybe if you get to buy it i’m like what are you suggesting that an 8 000 order is something you guys don’t want he’s like yeah if you buy it i’m like dude we are spending 8k today why would I bag up a bunch of stuff and spend 2 3 hours picking our your fabulous product to not buy it anyway so I had 4 credit cards one card had 2 000 one had 3500 one had 2000 and one had 1000 because I am buying for multiple people I had 4 different cards all in my name I wanted one receipt for each card not a big deal to me right wrong again he cited some policy and said if the order is more than 750 items that they aren’t allowed to ring in under 750 items on any one receipt id like to point out that that amount is higher than your employees said they could take as a cash payment I asked him to please show me that I would understand better if I could just read it he was willing to do so he brought out the policy book and to my surprise what it actually said was words to the afffect of cash payments cannot be split up or over 750 items I forget the second half my immediate reply was so what’s the big deal im using credit not cash he snatched the policy book away from me at that point and said you know what you can just listen to me or I don’t have to let you buy anything it’s up to my discretion I then called your orlando outlet and your new jersey outlet and talked to the store managers and cited your policy I was given I asked them to confirm if that was accurate and both said if it was a policy it was news to them I then asked if they would let me buy my order using 4 cards and 4 receipts the woman at orlando said oh my gosh yes we do that every single day I asked if I went to her store if I would have any trouble with this in the future and was told no then she said you can always come down here if you’re in the area and i’ll be happy to take your order after that phone call I tried again here’s the video of that attempt I said listen I have 4 credit cards your register girl said you told her she can’t ring up an order under 750 items that’s 3500 if it’s 5 items not all of my cards have that much I have done multiple receipts every time I came here heck I can even supply them to show it he tells me that because I am order so many items that I can’t have less tan 750 items per receipt so I point around to everyone else and ask what about everyone else you aren’t forcing them to spend a minimum of 750 items what about the final charge i’ll have 750 items for two tickets but the leftover isn’t going to be 750 items you’re not going to let me buy them he shrugged his shoulders to say no at this point I haven’t yelled ive been a bit snarky and sarcastic because I know he’s just giving me a hard time two people ring in our order almost every time I am up there and we were there 3 times in the last 6 months spent a bunch each time so at 730 8pm or so we are done shopping assuming that two people could ring us up ended up being a fantasy he forced one employee only to ring us up later on he comes up when its now close to 9pm and says hey you mind if we ring you up on both registers I chuckle and say no I don’t but you do you don’t want to be breaking that 750 rule do you he glared at me and then sent the employee away and walked off after blinking a few times I laugh because after telling me over and over he couldn’t do it he just got caught trying to do what should have been done to begin with a short while later after 9 I find out that everyone is standing uip front except for the one girl and another associate because none of the rest of them are allowed to help her ring us up the only two people left in the store with about 700 more items to be rang in if that’s not enough since it was a holidy all of these employees are apparently being paid overtime to stand around and wait at a bit after 10 all but two girls leave and one girl is waiting to count cash while the other girl sits and keeps ringing stuff in we apologize profusely we expected two employees to ring us up like always and timed our visit to be out around 9 if this had happened instead of having one literally stand there and watch her for 1 hour and 47 minutes after close we would have all been out on time and no overtime or extra hours spent so finally at 10 47 pm our orders are done we thank the lovely girl lauren and jasmine who got stuck staying 2 hours past close because a manager made up some random policy and had to double down when I pointed out he really needed to follow that 750 rule when he was going to toss another girl on the register if this is policy fine it doesn’t seem to be no manager at your other outlets knew what he was talking about the orlando one insisted that the only restrictions are on cash payments and verified I was paying cash or credit it’s a pretty humiliating experience to get hassled trying to buy panties and bras by someone who’s on some type of power trip the only thing I said sideways to him was that I flat out didn’t believe his policy and that credit absolutely is not the same as cash I didnt call him any names scream at him or did anything to disrupt the store beyond what you see in the videos if this is not policy i’d like an apology from that manager in person or over the phone admitting he was mistaken I would hope that the next time I go there I am not hassled but if not I guess there’s always orlando or new jersey who seem to be quite friendly I also want to give recognition to jasmine and lauren lauren is the poor soul who got stuck ringing everything in alone because of the manager’s silly rule and not allowing anyone to help because it would be in violation of the 750 item rule jasmine was the cash counter who had to wait until we were out of the store to count cash even more interesting is that I had a former employee with me helping me buy and she said she never heard of this policy either but it doesn’t mean it wasn’t added since she left she was just as confused because the manager spent over 30 minutes trying to explain and defend this when that time certainly would have been more efficiently spent doing productive things instead of hassling someone who literally sits in a corner and speaks to no one while sorting through your products one bin at a time id love a call back about this or to find out what exactly is going on ive never been hassled like this before and it was a little frustrating and very trying to keep my cool joe rossetti alexandria gunn See Other related products: I Go Camping To Burn Off The Crazy Campfire T Shirt

#Trending #I #Go #Camping #To #Burn #Off #The #Crazy #Campfire #T

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toosicktoocare · 7 years

Text

had an anon request more sick Jughead (because we love to make him suffer) and @define-lying specified with a prompt. So here I am, back at it with the sick Jughead.

“I’ll figure it out, Dad. I always do.”

Jughead sighed, pulling his small blanket tighter around his body as the memories of the drive-in spun around his mind like a broken record. Figuring it out meant wandering the streets late at night—desperate for an answer, or a house for that matter, to manifest in front of him. The nights were growing longer and colder in Riverdale, and while searching for a new place to live, Jughead put all of his mental focus on plotting his novel in order to distract himself from the biting cold seeping into his bones.

He wound up standing in front of he and Archie’s childhood tree house when he was contemplating on whether or not to include the drama between Archie and Ms. Grundy. It was less than ideal, but it was better than nothing, so he braved the rickety ladder and made his way up. For a brief moment, he wasn’t sure that the tree house would hold after the whole thing shook when he dropped his massive backpack down onto the wooden floor, but he froze and held his breath, and after a few moments, the house stilled.

After unpacking some of his belongings, Jughead tucked himself into a corner- knees drawn to his chest and beanie pulled down as far as it would go. The bitter wind sneaked in through the cracks, and it didn’t take long until Jughead was shivering. He already had quite a bit of layers on and didn’t want to risk getting the clothes he would need to wear to school dirty, so he tried to make do with what he had on combined with his small blanket.

However, a sudden drop of rain splashing against his exposed hand a few moments later had Jughead thinking otherwise. He hissed out a string of curses while shifting around until the small blanket was covering his head. ‘Go to Archie’s!’ his mind screamed, but how could he? With everything that Archie was going through right now, the last thing he would need was Jughead’s burdens.

‘Betty’s?’ No. Her family has enough on their plate with Polly. Plus, Betty would likely tell Archie right away.

‘Hell, Veronica’s even?’ And again, he talked himself out of it. Things seemed tense between Veronica and her mom at the moment, and again, he knew that Veronica would tell Betty who would tell Archie—everything always cycled back to Archie, and he just could not do that, not when he and Archie were doing so well mending their friendship.

The rain outside picked up, and Jughead groaned. Even with the blanket over his head, it felt as if each cold drop leaking in was seeping into his bones. His shivering picked up in intensity, and his mind screamed ‘stay awake!’ right before he drifted off into a fitful sleep.

*****

“You seem tired, Juggie.”

Jughead shut his locker. He moved sluggishly until he was facing Betty’s wide, concerned eyes. “I’m good,” he said, thankful that his voice was holding out despite his throat feeling as if he had spent the night gargling glass.

“Is this about the drive-in?” Betty pressed, tilting her head in question.

Nodding seemed like his best source of reply for he didn’t trust whatever smartass comment was bound to come out of his mouth. He waved the sympathetic look Betty shot him away as the two started to walk towards their third class.

“I can help you find a new job,” Betty suggested as the pair made their way to their seats.

“I said I’m good, Bets.” Jughead didn’t intend for that to come out as harshly as it did, but he was just so damn tired. Sleep was just not on his side last night with the rain, and when he woke up, everything, including himself, was cold and damp. His sore throat accompanied with a pounding head was just the icing on the cake of his now significantly shittier life.

“Okay. Well I’m here for you, Juggie.”

The soft, reassurance in Betty’s voice had his lips pulling up into a small smile, which Betty returned before turning her attention towards the teacher. Jughead’s eyes briefly drifted towards Archie’s empty seat; he shouldn’t be surprised of Archie’s absence considering everything that had gone down with Grundy. Archie was probably suffering, but Jughead couldn’t help feeling slightly selfish in wishing that his friend at school. He found that he could forget his problems when Archie was there, but without that stupid red hair to distract him, his mind remained plagued by his severe situation.

*****

“Archie said he will be back tomorrow,” Betty announced during lunch.

“Is he still sulking?” Veronica asked, earning a light punch on the arm from Betty.

“He’s upset!”

Jughead tuned the two girls out as he forced down his lunch. He hadn’t had an appetite since last night, but he knew that this lunch would probably be the only food he would get all day. He was already feeling weak enough as it was, so he choked down his food despite his stomach’s protesting.

“Earth to Jughead.”

Jughead’s eyes shifted until they met Veronica’s. “What?” He asked, mouth full of food.

“You keep zoning out,” Betty supplied, but Jughead waved away her slight concern.

“Sorry. I’ve got a lot on my mind.” He watched as the two frowned at him, and he mentally toned down the bitterness seeping out from getting endlessly fucked over by what felt like the entire town, with the exception of his friends and the managers at Pops—they were too kind to him.

“I can introduce you to Netflix.”

Play it cool, Jones, Jughead told himself. He breathed out a low laugh, ignoring the pain in his throat. “Is this our future?” He asked lightly, eyes zeroing in on Veronica. “Are we doomed to a future that is humanless and engulfed in technology?” This earned laughter from the two girls, and he leaned back, crossing his arms over his chest. Crisis averted for now.

*****

Jughead’s second night in the tree house was significantly worse than the first. His breaths were coming out in pained, shaky gasps as strong shivers wracked his body. His head felt as if a marching band was parading around, and his nose was alternating from feeling like a waterfall to feeling as if it were stuffed with cotton. He checked his money to see if he had enough to stop for medicine before school tomorrow, breathing out a small praise when his fingers brushed against a twenty.

He was about to attempt to sleep when his phone chimed off. He blindly patted around, not wanting to fully emerge from his blanket shield, until his hand hit the small device. He curled his trembling fingers around it, sliding his hand back under the blanket. He found himself surprised that he even got reception this far out when he stared at Archie’s name flashing across his screen.

[11:04 pm] From Archie: u ok?

Fuck. He thought he had done well enough to convince Betty that he was fine, but apparently his acting wasn’t enough.

[11:06 pm] To Archie: Shouldn’t I be asking you that?

[11:06 pm] From Archie: B said u seemed off 2day

Sighing, Jughead contemplated not replying. He could blame it on having fallen asleep; he knew Archie would understand. But, he couldn’t just leave his friend hanging.

[11:08 pm] To Archie: I’m fine. Just tired. How are you?

He gnawed lightly at his lower lip as he stared hard at his phone, waiting anxiously for a reply. A few minutes passed, and his anxiety was starting to creep up his throat. But finally, after what felt like years, his phone chimed off again.

[11:13 pm] From Archie: idk im upset but also kinda relieved? i miss her jug but i get that this had to happen i guess. sorry about the drive in btw. i know how much that place meant to u

Jughead reread the words lit up on his phone. He brushed his free hand over his eyes, pegging the tears forming at the corners of his eyes on his throbbing head. He briefly glanced at his charge, noting he had a little over half percent left. He needed to wrap this up for now.

[11:17 pm] To Archie: I’m sorry, Arch. I know you cared about her. I know it’s hard, but we are here for you. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?

[11:17 pm] From Archie: thanks jug. night

Jughead pressed his phone close to his chest as he squeezed his eyes shut, praying for sleep to take over as soon as possible.

*****

Jughead decided to skip his first class in favor of showering in the men’s locker room showers. The medicine he had bought at the store that morning was working a little, but he still felt cold all over and decided that skipping a class for a hot shower was better than sitting and shivering in a class for an hour.

The hot water felt like heaven against his chilled skin. It was the first time in two days where he felt warm, and he didn’t want to leave. He wondered if it would be socially acceptable to reside in a somewhat public shower for the rest of his miserable days, but his phone alarm going off a few moments later pulled him back into reality.

The alarm was set to allow him time to change and dry his hair before sneaking out a few seconds before class would let out. He planned to use the ‘overslept’ excuse when questioned, and he was confident it would work considering all he told people yesterday was that he was tired. It wasn’t a lie—he was tired, which was to be expected when sleeping in a fucking tree house when the nights felt like they belonged in the middle of winter despite being early fall.

Once changed and hair dried as much as he had time for, he cleaned up until there was no trace that he had showered in there then headed out towards his locker. As soon as he reached his locker, the school bell chimed, dismissing first class. It took only a matter of seconds until someone was leaning against the lockers beside his. He shut his locker and gave Archie a once over, noting how pale and exhausted the boy looked.

“You look like shit,” Jughead exclaimed, unable to keep the concern bleeding through his voice.

Archie dropped his gaze to the floor. “Haven’t been able to sleep well.”

Yeah, Jughead thought to himself, you and me both. He dropped his hand on Archie’s shoulder, prompting the other to look up. “I told you, Arch. We are here for you.”

“Thanks, Jug,” Archie replied softly. The two started towards their second class in a comfortable silence until Archie suddenly stopped walking. “Where were you first period?”

“Overslept,” Jughead answered coolly. He kept walking, and sure enough, he heard Archie start after him again a few seconds later. The pair walked into their second class and were greeted by Veronica and Betty waving them towards the back of the room with big grins. This, Jughead thought to himself, this was what he needed to forget.

*****

“We should all get together this weekend,” Veronica suggested at lunch. “We sure as hell could use it.”

“We should!” Betty agreed, and the two started plotting out the plans with Archie appearing only to be half-listening as he fiddled with his music on his laptop.

Jughead watched the three, and for a brief moment, he was able to forget everything. For a small, sliver of time, he was able to fully immerse himself into this translucent concept that everything was perfectly fine. But as the saying goes, all good things must come to an end. A particularly cold breeze ripped Jughead away from the pretend, perfect world he had conjured up in his mind. He shivered, wrapping his arms around himself, and he found himself desperately yearning for the warmth from the shower he took only a couple of hours ago.

“You okay, Jug?”

Jughead shot Archie a half smile, one that quickly dropped down into a frown when Archie continued to stare at him with furrowed brows. “I’m fine, Arch. Just a little cold.”

“You aren’t eating.”

Jughead glanced down at his full plate of food. Well, fuck. He grabbed a fry, stuffing it into his mouth despite having literally no appetite whatsoever. The fries had gone cold, but Jughead stuffed a few more in his mouth for good measure. He could feel Archie’s gaze on him, but thankfully, Archie did not press further, seemingly satisfied now that Jughead was eating.

“So, my place on Friday?” Veronica asked.

It was only Tuesday, so Jughead agreed. He had time to come up with an excuse as to why he wouldn’t be able to make it to Veronica’s. It’s not that he didn’t want to go, but he didn’t want to risk anyone realizing that his clothes seemed dirty or accidentally revealing anything that could give off the fact that he’s been living in a tree house. He couldn’t avoid school, but he could avoid afterschool activities. Besides, he planned to spend the weekend trying to figure out a better living arrangement. He needed a better living arrangement; he wasn’t sure how long he could last in the tree house.

*****

Jughead wanted to die. It was his third night in the tree house, and he wanted to die. He’d been shivering for hours, but the heat rolling off his face told him that it was more than the cold wind that had him shaking like a leaf. On top of that, his chest hurt like hell. Each breath felt like his lungs were cracking, and he developed a cough that seemed to be getting worse with each passing minute. His body was wracked with coughing fits that had him gasping for breath and seeing black.

He knew that he should be concerned. His mind screamed ‘Pneumonia!’ But, he just felt so tired. He used up what little energy he had at school, doing his best to assure everyone who gave him skeptical looks that he was perfectly fine. He personally felt that he deserved a damn Oscar for the amount of work he put in today to make sure that how he actually felt did not surface.

‘Call Archie!’ And, he did toy with the idea, but Archie just seemed so tired today. It was blaringly obvious that Archie was struggling to deal with the whole Grundy debacle, and Jughead wanted Archie to have time to recuperate from that.

Really, Jughead just wanted to sleep. He squeezed his eyes shut, mentally plotting out the next part of his novel while hoping that exhaustion would eventually win over his shivering and coughing. He was just in the middle of contemplating on whether or not it was important to include Veronica and Betty becoming cheerleaders when he drifted off to sleep.

He woke himself up coughing what felt like only minutes later, but the sunlight pouring into the tree house said otherwise. “Fuck,” he rasped out, voice barely audible. He fumbled around until he found his phone, and his eyes went wide when he saw that he had three missed calls from Archie, two missed calls from Betty, a missed call from Veronica, seven new texts from Archie, four new texts from Betty, and a surprising twelve new texts from Veronica. What was worse, though, was the fact that it was fifteen minutes until lunch hour.

He hopped up, regretting it instantly as the room began to tilt. He leaned hard against the wall, coughing harshly into his fist as he waited for the dizziness to subside. He did not have time for this; he needed to get to school as soon as humanly possible. Once he was sure he could make it without toppling over, he quickly changed into a pair of jeans and tossed a hoodie over the shirt he had slept in. He adjusted his beanie, grabbed his bag, and started down the ladder, having to stop every other step to cough.

The bright, shining sun accompanied with relatively warm temperatures should have been a plus, but Jughead took it as the world plotting against him. Why should the day be so nice when he felt so miserable? He hasn’t stopped shivering despite the sun beating against his back, and the coughing accompanied with him running to school was all but killing his lungs. But, he had to make it at least to lunch—it would look incredibly suspicious if he missed lunch.

When the school finally came into view, he felt that he could almost cry of relief. He skipped going in through the front entrance, opting, instead, to go around back to the court yard where everyone was having lunch. His eyes fell onto the table where Archie, Betty, and Veronica were seated, and he took a second to catch his breath and straighten out his clothes some before he started towards his friends.

“Juggie!” Betty shouted as he approached the table, and soon enough, all eyes were on him. He turned to cough into the crook of his arm before he walked up to the table.

He cleared his throat and shot what he hoped was a decent smile. “Sorry, guys, my alarm didn’t—”

“We’ve been so worried!” Betty exclaimed, cutting Jughead off. He wanted to reply; he wanted to reassure everyone that there was nothing to worry about, but he suddenly found it incredibly hard to form words. Luckily, Veronica took charge.

“Apparently you are never late for school, so these two thought you died in a ditch or something,” Veronica said, rolling her eyes.

Words, dammit. Why couldn’t he get his mouth to form words? And why was it so hot suddenly? He felt as if his hoodie was suffocating him, like it was snake wrapped around his body, squeezing the breath right out of his lungs. Breathing—he couldn’t breathe. His lungs were on fire. His face was on fire. He was on fire. But, when he looked down at his hands to avoid the worried stares coming from his friends, he saw that they were shaking.

“Jug?”

No. No, he couldn’t burden them. He would just leave. He took a step back just as Archie stood, and what a mistake that proved to be. Everything started to tilt backwards, and Jughead felt himself moving with it just as his vision started to blur. He faintly heard someone shout his name, then everything went black.

*****

Repeated sounds should be illegal. At least, that’s what Jughead thought when he was pulled from his blissful sleep by a persistent beeping sound. He blinked his eyes open, and mentally cursed. Bright lights should also be illegal. Why did he have to wake up? Things were much nicer when he was asleep.

He continued blinking until he was able to hold his eyes open against the light. It didn’t take long to come to the conclusion that he was in a hospital—it was the events leading up to this that were but a jumbled blur within his poorly functioning mind. He glanced to the left to see Archie sitting on a chair beside his bed and fiddling with his phone.

“A-Arch?” Wow, okay, talking hurt more than he expected. Luckily, Archie heard him despite his weak voice and the oxygen mask covering his mouth.

“Jug!” Archie shoved his phone into his pocket and leaned forward. “Hey, you’re in the hospital, but you’re going to be okay.”

Jughead nodded, suddenly feeling very tired once more. Archie seemed to catch on because he whispered “rest,” and that was all Jughead needed, drifting off once more.

*****

Waking up the second time was significantly easier than the first, but Jughead still felt like the actual definition of shit. At least, he found he was able to focus more when he pried his eyes open. He wasn’t sure what time it was or how long he’s been sleeping, but Archie was still there, seemingly asleep in the chair to his left.

Now that his mind was clear, he had time to panic. He didn’t have insurance to cover this hospital bill, he was still homeless, and now everyone was going to know. He wasn’t sure how things escalated so quickly, but he faintly thought that death seemed to be a better option than this.

“Son?”

Jughead furrowed his brows, and his eyes darted to the right, zeroing in on Fred Andrews sitting in a chair. “H-hey,” he whispered, noting that at least talking hurt slightly less and that he no longer had an oxygen mask covering his mouth.

“We should talk.”

Jughead heard rustling coming from the left, and he knew that Archie was waking up. Soon, he would be cornered by the Andrews duo with nowhere to run, but maybe this was for the best. Maybe, he could just tell them what was going on and hope for the best.

He nodded towards the glass of water on his bedside table, and with Fred’s help, he was able to get enough water to soothe his wrecked throat. At his other side, Archie helped him shift into a comfortable sitting position.

“Where’s your father, son?”

Jughead looked down at his hands. “He’s not,” he paused, coughing harshly into his shoulder, “he’s not in a great place right now.”

“What does that mean, Jug?”

Archie sounded almost frantic, and Jughead mentally cursed. This was the last thing he wanted. “It just means—” His words cut off as a coughing fit wracked his small frame. He felt two pairs of hands on him, comforting him, but he couldn’t stop. He couldn’t breathe. Darkness started to creep at the edges of his vision, and he heard someone yell for a nurse before he fell limp.

*****

Jughead’s first thought when he opened his eyes for the third time was that this was getting old. He wanted out.

“Jug?”

Archie sounded so tired and so worried, and it hurt Jughead more than he cared to admit. He shifted his eyes around, but Archie’s dad was nowhere in sight.

“Your dad’s a Southside Serpent?”

Well, it didn’t take them long to figure that out. Honestly, he wasn’t sure how they didn’t find out sooner. His dad wasn’t in hiding, and Jughead wasn’t necessarily secretive about his dad. He just never talked about him, or his whole family for that matter, because no one asked. Everyone was facing their own demons in Riverdale, and with Jason’s murder, the town’s been pretty preoccupied.

Not trusting his voice, Jughead nodded in response.

“He stopped by while you were sleeping. He and my dad talked for a while. He told my dad that he didn’t know where you are living now that the drive-in is gone?”

Sighing, Jughead struggled into a sitting position, and Archie quickly propped pillows up behind his back. He wasn’t sure where this conversation was going to go, but he needed to try to stay awake.

“Where are you living, Jughead?”

“Tree house,” Jughead whispered in response. No point in lying now—Archie was already upset as it was.

“Shit, Jughead! Why didn’t you say anything? No wonder you’re sick! You should have told me the second you started living at the drive-in!”

And, Jughead thought to himself, why didn’t he? He had started living in the drive-in right before summer. He had almost two months before his falling out with Archie to say something, so why didn’t he?

“It’s not your problem,” he finally replied, voice weak.

Archie stared at Jughead hard with furrowed brows for a long time. Jughead briefly thought that he broke his best friend, but finally, Archie sighed.

“You’re my best friend, Jug. I know we hit a rough patch, but I never stopped seeing you as my best friend. Your problems are mine—that’s just how things are.”

Do not fucking cry, Jughead told himself as he felt his eyes welling with tears. You will not, he mentally continued, shed a single tear. It’s not your fucking style. He brushed the back of his hand against his eyes and sniffed lightly. “Everyone,” he started, pausing to cough into his fist. “Everyone’s been so upset with Jason, and then the Grundy stuff—”

“Grundy doesn’t matter!”

Jughead raised his brows and titled his head slightly.

“Okay, she did—she does. But you matter more, Jug!”

There was so much sincerity dripping from Archie’s flustered tone that Jughead couldn’t help but breathe out a small laugh. This was not how he expected this conversation to go at all, but he found that he couldn’t complain. Now, all he wanted was to do was removed that worried expression from Archie’s face, preferably forever.

“You’ve got pneumonia,” Archie started again after a few minutes, pulling Jughead from his thoughts. “But, you’re getting discharged tomorrow now that they’ve got your fever down. You are going to stay with us.”

“Archie—”

“Don’t,” Archie snapped, cutting Jughead off. Jughead’s eyes went wide, and Archie’s expression softened. “My dad and I talked about it. You are going to live with us from now on, and that’s that, so don’t try to talk your way out of this, Jughead.”

Speechless, Jughead could do nothing but nod dumbly. He allowed Archie to shift him around until he was reclined comfortably.

“Just rest for right now, Jug.”

And rest he did.

*****

“I’m starting to think they discharged him too soon,” Fred said as he and Archie helped Jughead up the stairs of their house.

Jughead was wheezing, unable to get a solid breath in. Stairs, he thought with his oxygen-deprived mind, are the devil. He just wanted to be able to breathe—that’s it. He felt that he wasn’t asking for too much.

“He’ll be fine once we get him to bed,” Archie answered with a grunt as they reached the top of the stairs.

The three made their way into Archie’s bedroom, and Jughead stopped. The house was big enough; he knew that they had guest bedrooms, so why the hell were they going into Archie’s room.

“For right now,” Archie said as if he read Jughead’s thoughts. “I know you will be more comfortable in here.”

Jughead wanted to protest. These two were already doing too much for him. Everyone, for that matter, was already doing too much for him. Betty and Veronica convinced their moms to help front the hospital bill while he was too doped up on medicine to fight it. Archie had gone to the tree house to retrieve his stuff, and Fred had paid for his medicine. The least he could do was not take Archie’s bed for the next week, so he fought against Archie and Fred tugging at his arms.

“Jug, please. It’s fine.”

Damn Archie and his damn puppy-dog expression. Jughead finally caved and allowed the two to lead him to Archie’s bed.

“I’m going to go get his medicine,” Fred announced while Archie was helping Jughead into bed.

Archie nodded before turning his attention to fluffing up his pillows for Jughead.

“Archie,” Jughead breathed out in between coughs. “It’s fine—they’re fine. I just want to sleep.”

“I just want to make sure,” Archie said, patting his pillows until he was satisfied. “Besides, you can’t sleep until you take your medicine.”

Jughead groaned, draping one arm over his eyes. Now that he didn’t have an IV constantly pumping his body with drugs, he felt like the actual definition of death. Despite that, he still felt better lying in Archie’s bed then he’s felt for a long time. The softness and familiarity was enough to lull him to sleep, and he found himself struggling to keep his eyes open.

Fred walked in moments later and handed Archie the medicine and a bottle of water, and Jughead managed to rasp out a weak “thank you” before Fred left the two alone once more.

Archie handed Jughead a pill then held the bottle to Jughead’s lips, claiming that Jughead’s hands were shaking too hard.

Once Jughead was blissfully drugged up, he fell back against the pillows as sleep threatened to take over. “Arch,” he whispered just as Archie walked out of the room.

“One sec!”

Jughead’s eyes slipped closed, but he pried them open moments later when he felt something cool and damp being draped across his forehead. He smiled tiredly at Archie while patting the empty side of the bed. “Stay, please?”

Archie climbed onto his bed, lying on his side and propping himself up on one elbow to face Jughead. “I’m not going anywhere, Jug.”

Jughead’s smile grew, and before he knew it, he drifted off to sleep.

#riverdale #jughead jones #archie andrews #betty cooper #veronica lodge #sickfics #riverdale cw #archie comics #prompt fill #request fill

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notesfromthepen · 5 years

Text

The Chronicles of the king of Richmond

I came across some shit today that I had to share. Something too funny, dark, and ridiculous to keep to myself. But I had to figure out a way to first, get my hands on the material, and then how to give the context needed for it to be fully appreciated.

First I should start with the characters involved. We are a trio. Me, Joe, and the 'king'. I'll refer to him as the 'king' (with a lowercase 'k') because he wanted to remain anonymous, for several reasons, that should become clear later.

Joe is, by far, my best friend in here and we've been pretty much inseparable for years now, (we were bunkies twice at another facility). Some of you may have read previous posts about him. We are very different people, which is often the case with really good friends. But there is no doubt that our bond is, almost entirely, built on our shared sense of humor. A sarcastic, brutally honest, self deprecating, anything for a laugh, sense of humor.

A sense of humor developed since childhood surrounded by witty, smart-assed, assholish mentors and peers. It can be a harsh environment to grow up in, but there is a purity to be found there. An accountability and brutal honesty that is humbling and real. There are no aires allowed to survive amongst friends with no fear of giving offense. No bullshit is left uncalled, no lies left un-confronted, and no opinions restrained. Nothing is sacred and everything is mined for a laugh.

Basically we talk a lot of shit.

Nothing bonds me to another person more instantly than a similar sense of humor. Since coming to this new prison Joe and I have found a fellow, flawed, degenerate asshole, willing to laugh at himself and judge others for the sake humor.

This, is the so called 'king of Richmond.' His majesty is a large guy, about 6'1 and 240 lbs. of slightly chubby, bearded, man beef. He's well kept and neat in appearance (aside from his portly build). He's got some charisma and charm at his disposal and makes decent use of it when needed.

The king, however, has a glaring flaw, as do most of us. He's a raging addict, whose life is lived for, and run by, an incessant need for opiates. This adds an interesting but constantly problematic dimension to his life behind bars. The perpetual need to produce the money for his lifestyle is a constant story line. Most of his fundraising is done over the phone. Preferably through manipulation, but he's not above blatant begging from people in the free-world. Family members, friends, exes, and a sugar momma round out his fundraising Rolodex.

A few days ago, Joe borrowed his Majesty's tablet to listen to his music, and being the stand up friends we are, we wasted no time before invading his privacy. We opened his 'sent email' files and struck gold. Dark, hilarious, sad, revealing gold. What we found was email after email of mental and emotional manipulation in a quest to fund his lifestyle. That's the sad part. The hilarious part is witnessing the level of shameless groveling, damage control, and clumsy begging, our friend is willing to stoop to.

After an intervention filled with embarrassment, ridicule, and some tear inducing laughs from all parties, I gained the 'kings' permission to post some of the gems.

But first a disclaimer: If any form of self-respect or sense of shame is something you're expecting, then prepare yourself, because you will find neither in these emails. Also, I wanted to maintain the "purity" of the emails as they were originally written, so I left the misspellings and incorrect grammar. However, for the sake of read-ability, I added some commas and periods here and there. Other than that they are all original text, with the exception of my commentary, which will be in [brackets].

So without further adieu, I now present to you: The Chronicles Of The king Of Richmond.

Sugar Momma

The following correspondence was sent to the kings sugar momma. As her title would imply she is his main source of income. His "Go-To". She works at McDonalds and has had the unfortunate luck to be in "love" with the king for roughly a year now. This letter is the most recent and well into the travesty that is their "relationship". This email is more focused on making excuses for begging than actual begging, but stay tuned they get worse.

His words are in "quotes" and my commentary is in [brackets]. Some are comments and some are translations of his bullshit, what he really means.

KOR 11/24 “listen, I wasn't insinuating you were fat, and honestly I wasn't trying to hurt your feelings. [he definitely was] I was giving you an example of how you could save a few bucks, so maybe out of the kindness of your heart [or from my incessant guilt laden begging] you could send me a few. Belive it or not, its rough in here, and sometimes I need money to survive in here. [Let's make one thing clear: The constant stress of his habit and the debts he accrues makes his time infinitely more difficult than it needs to be. So more money isn't the solution. It’s the problem.] That's what I was saying. I've been down for 5yrs Jenn and pretty much aint had much help, except from a few. [Just a little context. I get 50$ a month. This jackass spends 300$ a week]. We were together a long time. we broke up when I was in here, so yeah its a little different than if you were just some ex. I shouldn't exspect [too bad they don't give out money for misspelled words] it, but I would hope”.

“I guess I wasn't who I thought I was to you. [what a word-smith]. I might have put you through a lot of shit, but you sought me out. Remember that. You knew who I was. [Yeah, so you deserve everything I put you through.] Everyone did. I was the king of that town [AND THERE IT IS! The self proclaimed king of Richmond...Oh I can't tell you how embarrassed for him, angered at him, and ashamed to call him my friend I was when I read this!] not to try and sound conceited but I was, [OK. You can't say you’re not being conceited and then double down on your brag. BTW Richmond has a population smaller than most elementary schools. So it was a small 'kingdom' to say the least] and now no one has my back. it sucks, out of everyone, I hoped that you would have, but no!! [I hope he had a neck brace on when he wrote this. This guy can go from bragging to groveling so fast that it causes whiplash]. When we broke up I wanted you to be happy and get married and do what ever. [He ran out of ideas! That's his limit of things he could conjure up that would make her happy: 2] I just wanted you to still be there for me [AKA: support my habit] and if roles were reversed Jenn, you would have 50 every month and my family would probaly even send you money and that's the proven truth. [From probably to proven truth in half a sentence?] And you know it, so that shit hurts me, let's just remember who's the one locked up!! I'm the old me again [king?] and I'll remember all my real friends, that were there for me, when I get out in 3 in a half years.[Yeah but will they remember you?] Not long at all. And the thing with frank, [Oh yes! Thankgod he's back on the whole Frank thing! I wish I knew his address I'd send him a bottle of whisky!] belive me, I heard stories, a few. [Yeah and they haunt his dreams] but regardless, I love you, just wish you were kinder to me. ...The king”

[That's his cleanup? Someone get him a neck brace]

KOR 12/6 [Damage control] “baby, funny you say sober honestly, but no i totally understand. im sorry if it feels like sometimes I take you for granted.[by sometimes he means 'all the time'] let me try to explain [please do], in here if you don't get in a constant routine and try to make things repetitive, the time will do you, not you do the time. [A vague prison saying he heard someone say in here once and thought it sounded cool] if that makes sense [it doesn't.], its not my intentions to make it carry over into our relationship [but if it does I'm willing to live with it] I'm sorry [that I have to do this song and dance to get money]. and I fully intend to check myself and let you know how special you truly are to me [and by 'check myself' I mean I'll continue doing the exact same amount of drugs, if not more. and I'll show you how special you are by kindly taking your minimum wage paycheck]. The money you send me is for me to live comfortably in here [get high], that means getting things done that I need to get done while I'm here [I mean, these drugs aren't gonna do themselves.] and 90%, is the food and shit i need to survive [but mostly drugs]. We are already at a disadvantage because I only get 75% of what you send, which sucks [it would be much more efficient if I could put 100% of what you send me up my nose]. And they rip us off on prices on the food as it is. So I'm sorry, but i want you to fully understand you are my baby girl [creepy] and when i get out, roles will reverse and I'll be the provider and you'll live real comfortable [said with his fingers crossed], except when I come home every night and blow that back out bitch!!!! [and theres that winning charm I mentioned! what a smooth operator] I love you. [He doesn't] I got to go to the doctor at 9:30 [Ironically its 'his' back that's blown out] so I'll call you after count [to beg for more $]. I love you [again he doesn't]. if that eases your mind [It shouldn't] I love you!!! [and one final lie to cap off this masterpiece.]

Ex-Girlfriend

These next three are to his ex-girlfriend. She's somewhere down the list of reliable donors, but desperate times call for desperate measures and being a dope fiend in prison means, constant desperate times.

KOR 11/23 "So happy thanksgiving! [Now that the pleasantries are out of the way] So I havnt had any money lately, so no stamps but I just got some anyways [2nd sentence in and already caught in a lie. Clearly if he sent this, he has stamps]. Yeah I heard all about you and Carol's argument, and Dan and Josh messaging, and you jumping in on their message, and Dan cutting into you about being a shitty ex (/friend) [OK, I have to translate. First of all, this email seems to be sponsored by unnecessary commas. I guess some people were attacking her on Facebook for not sending the 'king' an adequate amount of money] Most I agree with. [Especially the money part] You havnt been there for me Jennifer [how dare you!]. I belive you have kinda done me wrong [how do you sleep at night?] and other people believe that too [so there!]. Im not saying your wrong for living your life [but you are] and going and being with someone new [because there's no way he's cooler than me]. but you can look out for the man [I use the term man loosely] that looked out for you since you were just a baby! [???? what???? creepy! actually I need to go ask him about this one.. OK he said he meant when she was 18] When I have asked for money in the past, you deny me [who the fuck do you think you are an ex?]. Hell, I'm broke right now [and that's your responsibility]. I can't get money. [But regardless I incessantly ask for it? Blatant lie no.2] uncle only sends me 50 a month and that ain't shit, that's hygiene a month. [Who calls their uncle uncle and not my uncle? What is he an orphan from the 1800's?] You don't keep money on the phone Jenn. I don't care who your new man is [again, not cooler than me], if you truly love me, you can talk to me. And 50 dollars, every couple of months ain't shit Jenn [trust me its nothing! I blow through it in no time]. So I and everyone else just think your wrong for that [OK, now he's literally speaking for everyone. Which is strange because I don't remember giving him my opinion on how much money his ex should be spending on his habit]. I will always have love for you. I just wish you would treat me with the respect I deserve [but have in no way earned]. I've been down 5 yrs and havnt got no more than 100 dollars from you. i basicaly took the rap and I get no respect. [Now he's doing his Rodney Dangerfield impression? what's next, Dr Vinnie Boombatz? (look it up)] That's fucked up!!!!! well I thought, since I finally got some stamps I can finally reply. I wish you would start respecting me as someone you love!!!

'The King of Richmond' (The realest you've ever known!)” [That last part is 100% real. I almost died laughing when I read this! The realest? No comment I can muster will be adequate at dealing with the ridiculousness of this sign off. What a heavy handed attempt to sound like a cool guy. Remember, this is to an ex-girlfriend! No way does playing the cool guy ever work on an ex. She's been in the bathroom after you. She's smelled your shit. Also remember that the whole point of this email is to beg for money! Oh I'm so glad I'm friends with this silly degenerate!]

KOR 11/24 “what? really I thought we just made it through everything; [Im going to say we and then make you feel bad for a bunch of shit you needed] your rent to your sister, the presents for the babies, your phone you needed [you know, the trivial shit]. I thought we got through it baby? [You mean to tell me the babies got my drug money?] I owe a 100$ and I don't even got a noodle right now. Thank god for you, because my brother doesn't give a fuck if I rot in here [because be knows the real me] and everyone else apparently don't care. [Possibly the most poorly crafted sentence in the history of writing, and now down to business] We can do 100 and then 50. [Tell the babies and your sister to fuck off! I have needs.] So I can eat off the 35 from the 50 for the rest of this month [hope I confused her with all the numbers and poor grammar] cause the only thing I have is 2 soaps [just to be sure, one more number]. so work with me on this and I will make that last to the first OK! [In no world, was he able to make it last until the 1st]

[And now back to the unwarranted guilt trip:] I thought you were done with all the present buying and rent.You even had a b-day!! [So there's really no excuse for not feeding my addiction. What are you selfish? Use your b-day money!] Which I think you needed to let loose a little anyways. [You really earned it, putting up with my begging and whatnot] I love you babe. I'll call you after count were supposed to have a blizzard today F U N!!!!!” [Bringing it all together with a little sarcastic humor? NICE!]

KOR 12/5 "Really Jenn? Don't think you can shame me for [well, anything but specifically] expecting a little money every once in a while” [you should know by now that shame is not a factor!] "Its not hard to skip going out to eat or buying that extra shirt, [extra shirt?Clearly he could only think of one good example to save money.] to throw me a little extra dough. [yeah, just go hungry and topless] I didn't bring Josh or Dan into this. [This whole exchange is about his friends and sugar mamma shaming Jenn for not sending home enough money] They did that on their own. They told me the conversation they had with you. I just agreed. I also didn't tell Carol to do that. She did that after her and Josh had a conversation about what had happened. Another thing is Jenn, don't kid yourself, I blew through a 35,000 dollar [insurance] check taking care of us, making sure we had a good time and 2 to 3 thousand every month up until i did that year in county (jail) [Yeah, I was a great provider until I got arrested! And by provider I mean cashing an insurance check]. So don't cry to me about a couple hundo [that's right, he's too cool to say hundred] and your fucking Ford Contour. I think your being rude, and you tried your damnest to fuck frank. [OK this is where it goes off the rails. He couldn't wait to mention the whole frank thing so he just shoehorned it in the conversation] I heard. [I'm confused, was she successful in her 'dam nest' attempt to fuck ole Frank?] That's funny [is it?], not that I care [well, I'm convinced. Nothing screams 'I care and it hurts so much' like saying I 'don't care'], cause I do have a good girl (a ride or die bitch I wish I always had) who does take care of me and keeps money on the phone and keeps me in touch with everyone [but only when I beg and grovel]. I'm in prison still pulling bitches [WOW!!! first of all he's definitely not and more importantly that's the most pathetic attempt at intended jealousy]. my point really isn't to brag, that's not what im trying to do. [It is] I'm just saying, its possible to still have a life and support someone in prison. even a little. you have just made NO effort at all and that piss people off and me. cause McDonald's checks weren't supporting our sort of lifestyle sweetie!!!!!! so I guess I wish you would change, but I doubt it. Anyways, happy to hear your grand ma is doing good. and next time you write, attach a stamp.” [OK, he's always good for a ridiculous ending but this one takes the cake. Let's examine: He spends 90% of this letter guilt tripping, berating, talking shit to, and begging for money. Then, literally in the 2nd to last sentence, he mentions her sick grandma's recovery? I have ask him how he carries around such big balls without a limp! And if you're still naive enough to think that he's done, you clearly don't know the ‘king’.]

[Our royal highness still has enough balls, and not enough shame, to ask this poor girl to attach a return stamp so she can continue this charming and fulfilling correspondence with her incarcerated ex-boyfriend. And now its clear how he became the king of Richmond: By sheer clumsy manipulation, a ruthless disregard for self respect, the freedom of movement that a spineless body provides and a fortitude willing to stoop to any low to accomplish his goal to get inebriated. The same way presidents get elected in this country. At any cost he would take the crown and he did. Without ever being to Richmond, I can say this with confidence: Anyone who would make him king and pay tribute to his court, truly deserves his rule. What a spectacular asshole the king is and I count him as a flawed degenerate of the worst degree. But I also count him as a friend…]

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