#inspired by my lovely wife zee

[jooheons]

you gave me your love and became my reason now. 

#btsedit #btsgfx #dailybts #usersky #networkbangtan #map of the soul: 7 #seokjin #cn!e #* #trans cred: doolsetbangtan #scans are by mahoneysuga #inspired by my lovely wife zee #not sure how i feel about this entirely.. #anyways i miss him can he come back now Please

[zilithlesbianing]

Hello! So...I’ve been thinking for a while about writing y/n stories, and when Miranda’s husband posted this picture from when Darcey was born, I got an idea.

I’ve been inspired to start these ff by wattpad one shots, but a lot also by @hallospaceboyy (hope you don’t mind ♡)

This is basically fluff where reader is married to Zelda and they decide to start a family. I’m such a sucker for Zelda finally being a mom, she totally deserves it!

Fingers crossed that my writing isn’t that bad..🖤

Our Little Family

You and Zelda have been discussing starting your own family for a while, the redheaded witch has always had it in her, merely cut out to be a mom. Of course she’s raised Sabrina, Ambrose and, for a short period of time, also Leticia, but a child of her own…that would change everything.

You make your way up to the bedroom you share with Zelda, finding her sitting on the floor, tears pouring down her cheeks. You immediately kneel in front of her figure, cupping her face so she can look at you. “What’s wrong Zelds?”

Your voice is full of concern, but when your eyes met, you’re surprised of the lack of pain in your wife. You rarely see Zelda being vulnerable, when it happens it’s because something has truly hurt her, so it is very strange for her to cry only ‘cause she feels like it.

“Nothing sweetheart, absolutely nothing’s wrong.” She aims a genuine smile through her tears, gazing down at her lap. You follow her gaze and the realisation suddenly hits you. A positive pregnancy test is laying in the witch’s shaking hands, and you can already feel tears threathing to spill from your own eyes.

“Yo-you’re...Zelda..”

“Yes. Yes, Y/N. We’re going to have a baby.” You’re definitely joining her crying now, what you two wanted so badly, what for the last month has been on your mind day and night, is finally coming true.

You throw your arms around her neck and hold her tight to your flesh, feeling her hugging you back with the same intensity. You both don’t say another word, eyes and touches speaking louder than ever, you simply keep the other one close, loving the intimacy of the moment.

~

Three months have passed since you’ve found out about Zelda’s pregnancy, and the swell on her stomach is definitely visible now.

She looks marvelous, it’s like it really is her destiny to be a mom and you cannot be more content to see her this happy. Every time she glares at herself in the mirror, gently touches her belly and smiles at it, your heart skips a beat. You wouldn’t want anybody else to have your children.

All of the Spellman’s are now in the living room, today the gender of the baby would have been revealed. You and Zelda stand in front of everyone else, look at each other tenderly and then hold hands. With your eyes closed you chant an old spell, used by witches and warlocks for decades.

You repeat the enchantment three times, each one louder than the previous, until you’re all looking at your hands shining with pink light.

“It’s a girl! I knew it...Ambrose, give me my 20$!” Sabrina yells, and her cousin rolls his eyes.

“Fuck, I really needed a boy around this house with all these women..”

“Aw, a baby girl! I’m so happy for you two!” Hilda excitedly exclaims, eyes wet from unspilled tears. She rushes to hug you both, making you giggle. She is so adorable.

“Did you see that, Zelds? We’re having a girl!” Deep down you’ve wished for a female, not that you would have loved a boy any less, but a daughter has always been your secret dream.

You see Zelda dry with her thumb a single tear streaming down her cheek, the cutest sigh you can ask for. “Yes darling...a little witch is really growing inside of me..”

“Auntie Zee, you’re going to make me cry too!” Sabrina shouts, getting up to hug her aunt as well. “I’m so happy for you auntie, you totally deserve it! You’re gonna be an amazing mom as you’ve been for me.”

~

Nine months have passed by and now you’re spooning Zelda on your bed, gently caressing her belly, as she’s starting to feel the first contractions. It’s 3:30 am, but you cannot care any less. You want to be with your wife through it all, you know it’s gonna hurt a lot and just wanna be present for her and your child.

“Y/N..”

You immediately grab her hand, assuming the pain is probably getting worse. “I’m here, Zelds.” Your lips softly brush on her temple and leave a sweet kiss there.

“I-I’d lie if I said I’m not a tiny bit scared..” She doesn’t want to sound vulnerable, but can’t really help it now. “I’ve been a midwife for many women, I know how everything works when you give birth, and maybe because of that I’m more aware of what is going to happen..”

“I know Zelds and it’s normal. Who wouldn’t be?” Your hand previously on her belly, starts to stroke her hair, something you know always calms her. “This may sound stupid or sugar-coating, but you won’t be alone for a second. I’m not going anywhere, even if not physically, I’ll do anything to help you emotionally, give you some strength when you feel like it is starting to fade away.”

Zelda turns to look at you, a genuine smile on her face, and she connects your lips in a soft kiss, which breaks when a vigorous contraction hits her. You let your foreheads touch, waiting for the witch to open her eyes again, and you place a hand on the swell on her stomach. “I cannot wait to meet her, Zelds.”

After hours and hours of painful labor, it is finally time for Zelda to push. Your hands are intertwined and you let her hold it to the point you can feel her nails scratching you, but you don’t care, just want to reassure her in any way possible.

Hilda has taken the role of the midwife for her sister, acknowledging anything she could from the redhead witch in those nine months.

Zelda is mid way through it, your child is about to see the world for the first time, but she’s clearly very worn out. “You’re doing wonderfully Zelds, you’re amazing.” You gently brush the hair glued to her forehead away, trying to transmit her some strength.

“Y/N...I don-don’t think I can take this anymore..” Her voice is barely a whisper, if you could take her place now, you wouldn’t think twice.

“Zelda, love, you’re almost there. You can do it!” This is one of the rare moments Hilda sees some type of vulnerability in her sister and, just as you, she wants to be there for her all the way.

“Hilda’s right, Zelds. I can see her, just think about her. We’re so close to finally hold our little witch in our arms.” You gently kiss her temple, stopping right next to her ear. “I love you endlessly, Zelda Spellman.”

Zelda takes a deep breath, gathering all the strength left in her body, and before you know it, a loud cry invades the room. The redhead witch falls limp on the mattress, finally feeling some relief to her pain.

“Y/N, come here love.” Hilda calls you, so you can cut the cord. When she places your child in your arms, tears of joy immediately pour from your eyes.

“Does she look like us?” Zelda’s low voice distracts you from your daydream, making you realize she still hasn’t seen your daughter. You go back to your place next to her, gently placing the tiny baby in Zelda’s arms. “She’s so beautiful..” It’s clear how happy to finally be a mom your wife is, it’s all over her face, and it makes your stomach flatter.

“She is. I’m so proud of you Zel-“ You cannot finish what you’re saying, as Sabrina’s voice resonates from outside the room.

“Is she born yet? Can we see her?”

You all chuckle and tell them they can enter. Sabrina and Ambrose make their way next to you, admiring their new cousin who’s now calm in her mom’s arms.

“She’s so tiny..” Ambrose softly says, gently caressing the baby’s little hand.

“Can I take her?” Sabrina asks, and Zelda slowly places the newborn in her niece’s arms. The little witch whines at first, already missing her mom’s scent, but immediately grows comfortable in her cousin’s embrace. “She’s the prettiest, auntie Zee!”

“Have you decided for a name yet?” Hilda softly asks, afraid to ruin this special moment.

You and Zelda look at each other and answer with one voice. “Darcey. Darcey Miranda Spellman.”

#zelda spellman x reader #zelda spellman #caos #caos fanfiction #chillingadventuresofsabrina

[velthequeen]

Chicago P.D. Ship OCs

Tina Kunakey as Khadasiah Rosena Blaisie (Kuh-daa-sea-uh Rose-henna Blay-zee)

-Age: 28

~Shipped with Hank Voight

Khadasiah “Sia” Blaisie is one of the newest recruits to the Intelligence Unit. Her and Sergeant Hank Voight have gotten close in her time working for him, forming a sexual/romance filled relationship that no one else knows about. Before working for Chicago P.D., Khadasiah told Intelligence that her, her sister, and their friend (all who work for Intelligence currently) met and grew their skills in Boston P.D.’s homicide unit. This is where Alvin Olinsky met and befriended Sia when he was on a business trip there. No one in the Intelligence Unit knows her true status, all of it being classified.

Khadasiah Blaisie, also known as Special Agent 722, is a CIA Special Operative. She handled major undercover cases in France. Russia, Switzerland, Canada, and England. She is still formally a CIA agent, but has chosen to do regular police work as of right now. She knows that one day her past will come back to bite her in the ass, especially the one she left in France. The directors made her codename “Muse” for the fact that she is an image of inspiration and intelligence, and always gets the job done. They But she is glad that she is in Chicago and can put it behind her for the time being.

•••

Margot Robbie as Adelina Margaret Bishop (Add-elle-é-nuh Mawr-gah-rett Bih-shup)

-Age: 28

-Shipped with Antonio Dawson

Adelina “Addy” Bishop is a Massachusetts born former paralegal who works as a detective under Hank Voight in the Intelligence Unit. She was recruited due to Khadasiah Blaisie’s recommendation to Commander Perry, who unequivocally placed her in the unit alongside Sia. No one except them knows that they worked together before being assigned to Chicago, and they intend on keeping it that way. Hank often pairs her with Detective Antonio Dawson, and they have maintained a playful yet flirty relationship in the months that Addy has been in Intelligence.

Adelina Bishop, also known as Special Agent 446, is a CIA Special Operative. Like Agent Blaisie, she has handled major international undercover crimes, some of them also bring homebound in the United States. Her family is assured complete safety from the federal government, and her supervisor reassigned her to work in Chicago PD until they needed her for another case. Her codename is Pandora because of how much of a protector she is. She has a guardian-like persona and feels defeated when someone she cares about gets hurt.

•••

Lauren Lewis as Kataleya Maïka Blaisie (Cawt-uh-lay-ñuh My-kuh Blay-zee)

-Age: 27

-Shipped with Alvin Olinsky

Kataleya “Kat” Blaisie is the last of the theee newest recruits. Along with her older sister, she worked in Boston (Narcotics, although Sia worked in Homicide) before being transferred to Chicago. Since Olinsky is one of the last “old-timers”, Sia was a bit hesitant when Voight partnered them up, mainly because Kataleya is black and a female. Even though they bicker often because they were both so headstrong, Al genuinely cares about her. Even though he is trying to patch things up with his wife, him and Kat shared a steamy exchange during an undercover mission and they nearly continued after work hours. Kataleya is good police and always looks out for her older sister.

Kataleya Blaisie, also known as Special Agent 817, is a CIA Special Operative. Many of her major undercover cases were in England, France, South America, and Australia. She has versed herself in american-bound crimes and how they compare to their international counterparts. Her codename is Baby due to how many times she was called that undercover due to her age appearance. She was called once to pose as an estranged duchess in order to identify an assassin wanting to take a hit on a royal family. Kataleya wants to completely forget her undercover gigs and focus on her future at CPD. She eventually wants to leave the CIA and start a family, but she knows something bad will keep her from it.

•••

Since Burgess and Ruzek are a thing, I didn’t want to make him a ship. These three will be my main characters in doing short stories, imagines, one shots, and other things with Chicago PD. This information will be updated once I get better templates for the CIA dossiers, but this information is crucial to the short story i’m writing about them. It was originally supposed to be only Hank and Sia, but I decided to expand it.

Love you all!

#antonio dawson imagine #hank voight #alvin olinsky #hank voight oneshot #chicago pd #chicago #tv show #crime #crime / law / justice #hank voight imagines #alvin olinsky imagine #original character #backstory #cia

[pareeksha-putlocker-10k-blog]

{[!!DvdRip_10K!!}] Pareeksha {[> 2020 <}] Full Movie Free Download Watch Online

After making its India premiere at 50th International Film Festival of India in Panorama section, National Award-winning filmmaker Prakash Jha’s directorial next, Pareeksha-The Final Test, to make its UK premiere at the prestigious Bagri Foundation London Indian Film Festival (LIFF) on June 27. This year LIFF will be held online because of coronavirus restrictions.

Watch Pareeksha (2020) : Full_Movies

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Pareeksha (2020) Hindi Quality : WEB-DL Resolution : 1080p,720p,480p IMDb : / 10 Release Date : Genres : Bollywood Movies | Drama | Zee5 Exclusive Directors : Prakash Jha Stars : Adil Hussain, Priyanka Bose, Sanjay Suri Language : Hindi

The films starring Adil Hussain, Priyanka Bose, Sanjay Suri and child actor Shubham Jha, will be streaming as an original on Zee 5.

The actress of Oscar nominated, Lion Priyanka Bose who plays Radhika, the wife of the rickshaw puller, in the film says, “Pareeksha is a special film. I want to thank LIFF team for inviting our film. It brings a simple story and an important message across to the audiences. I'm super thrilled that this special film has found a platform like Zee. It's such a wide audience. This film reaches out in such a positive way.”

The actor Sanjay Suri says, “Pareeksha is a film with its heart in the right place. A father who aspires to educate his child, a child who has the seed of a genius and an officer who waters that seed for it to grow. With adequate opportunity many can bloom and that's the message I carry from the film.” He adds, “It was wonderful working with Prakash Jha, Adil, Priyanka Bose, Shubham , Sachin Krishn ( DOP ) and all the other crew members. I love Prakash Jha’s very early morning shifts and early evening pack ups, it goes with my natural rhythm. Was a pleasure.”

Jha further adds, “The film is inspired by the real events and people. Shri Abhayanand is an IPS officer and educationist who while serving as the Police Chief in Bihar’s Naxal infested areas, came across kids from those villages who were so bright with their native wisdom that they inspired him to begin coaching them to crack the IIT-JEE... the toughest exam/test which the young students must clear to be able to join one of the best educational institutes in the country. Their success had a great impact in the crime infested badlands of Bihar and made a difference.”

Shri Abhayanand, who is a Physics graduate continues to conduct free tutorials and has now taken his social experiment to a wider forum so that more underprivileged and talented children from minority communities can also benefit from it. He continues to academically support the hugely successful ‘Rahmani 30 classes’

[noelacciari]

alright this is kinda bad but I'm gonna ask anyway. so I'm a new/casual hockey fan and this girl I'm friends w is super into hockey and I'm kinda having to bluff my way through convos rn so could you give me a basic summary of the roster and stuff pls :)))

okay babe, so this is how we’re gonna set this up for you… personality quiz style. (also wait I’m assuming you mean Bruins so. im very sorry if this was about another team lol)

Step 1: pick your star

- Do you strive for perfection? Do you look for stability in a relationship? Can you appreciate a good beard? Do you need a perfect man to project all your feelings regarding men onto and then you never have to even look at another man in real life? Then Patrice Bergeron is the guy for you. He’s perfect. Like legit. Has been nominated for the Selke Award (best defensive forward) approximately a gazillion times, eventually they’re going to change it to The Bergy. Gorgeous play maker, dominate on the face-off circle. Quiet leader in the room. A pillar of the Boston community. The only person who can tame Marchand (we’ll get to him later). Every person in New England is AT LEAST 30% in love with him, regardless of sexual orientation. (I’m not even kidding). Future Hall of Famer. Without a doubt. (Forward (Center), #37, first line)

- Do you enjoy carbs? How about charming smiles? Do you enjoy men who toe the lines of fashion? Do you like a show, flashy lights and stunning tricks? Do you like people who make you smile, no matter how bad your day is? Then David Pastrnak is your man. Better know as Pasta (said with a deep Boston accent), he’s been tearing up the ice from the moment he arrived in TD Garden. A member of the Best Top Line in the League (alongside Bergeron - and that other guy who we will get to later). His goals are always absolutely nasty, just. Sexy, sexy hockey. Off the ice he’s sunshine personified, known for his chipped tooth smile, wearing checked suits and floral shirt, and just being generally the best. (Forward (winger), #88, first line)

- Are human sized chipmunks something you think would be pretty cool? How do you feel about Long Island? Would you think it’s funny if a guy who was a star player on a Boston team dated the daughter of a Pittsburgh coach? Do you think it’s even funnier if a guy who tweeted “I hate the Bruins” then proceeds to get drafted by them? Then Charlie McAvoy is your star d-man. At the ripe old age of 21, Long Island native Charlie McAvoy already carries a huge chunk of responsibility on the Bruins defense core. A future leader for the team (captain. imo), Charlie puts up incredible minutes, and is the perfect complement to his d-partner Zdeno Chara (we’ll get to him too). Also known as Cheeks (on tumblr) or Mac (by his teammates), Charlie isn’t afraid to throw his weight around on the ice, and he looks good doing it. Dude is a Bonafide Stallion. (Defense, #73, 1st Pair)

Step 2: Pick your Dad

- Are you vegetarian? How do you feel about EXTREMELY tall men wearing easter bunny onesies? Do you prefer to bike to work instead of taking the train? what about pigeons? If you consider pigeons friends, then Zdeno Chara is your new dad! (Boogie Woogie Woogie). You know how Bruins fans like to say - Don’t Poke The Bear? Well Big Zee is that hypothetical bear. Our beloved captain and father earned himself quite the reputation on the ice, known for his hard AF slap shots and even harder punches. Clocking in at 6′9″ and 250lbs, Zad is still a beast at 42 years old - and he apparently has no plans to retire. While his age doesn’t appear to be slowing him down on the ice, Zee has shown his softer side off the ice with his inspirational and extremely cute Instagram. He came into Boston in 2006 and was named Captain upon signing, and has forever changed the culture of the Boston Bruins. Chara facilitates an inclusive but hard working locker room, and his legacy will live on in Boston long after his retirement. (Defense, #33, first pair)

- Are you a dog person? Also are you American? Those are really the only 2 qualifications you need to chose David Backes as your dad. Although some of us older folks like me (at the stunningly old, reaching retirement age of 26) might consider Backes to be more of a daddy, the majority of Bruins tumblr view him as their Dad. Common nicknames include Dadkes and Papa, and his effect on the team after being brought back into the line-up during the playoffs has endeared him to fans. While his deal is… not great (he’s expensive!!) and he hasn’t performed up to how much money he’s paid, it’s clear that he’s a leader on the team. The young guys look up to him, and the older guys respect him, and that’s what we’s appreciates ‘bout him. Also. He LOVES animals. Backes and his wife Kelly (who have known each other since kindergarten how cute is that shit) have their own charity that helps animals!! (Forward (Winger/Center), #42, currently 2nd line)

- Were you really into magic as a kid (or currently)? Have you always gravitated to your one friend’s dad who was super quiet but super smart and taught you how to play chess at that cookout one time? Then your new dad is David Krejci! Sometimes called The Wizard, Krejci is known to make magic happen on the ice. Between no-look passes and somehow being able to know exactly where his wingers are going to be before they even know, tbh. Krej is probably the MOST underrated player on the Bruins, but he’s always dependable, and always seems to be there when you need him.  (Forward (Center), #46, 2nd Line)

Step 3: pick your weirdo

- Have you never eaten a vegetable willingly in your life? Do you consider yourself a chef - specifically for children? Do you think getting your teeth knocked out is fun and exciting? Then Jake “JD” DeBrusk is the dude for you! Goofy AF off the ice and a sniper on it, Jake is extremely worthy of being your chosen weirdo. He has a lucky winter hat named “tuukka” that he’s been wearing all playoffs, and he might only have one brain cell but we love him for it. At one point called a draft bust, Jake has been proving himself to be an elite player, and has been a steady winger for Krejci all season. Plus. He’s cute af. (Forward (winger), #74, 2nd Line)

- Is getting under other people’s skin one of your favorite activities? Do you like to piss people off by being better than them at everything? Does licking someone’s face in the middle of a hockey game seem like a Good Idea to you? Back in step number one did you chose Patrice Bergeron as your Lord and Savior? Then Boston’s favorite Pest - Brad Marchand - is the guy for you! Brad started off as an undersized fourth liner, and has worked his way up to one of the top scorers in the league. Outside of Boston he’s probably the most hated player in the NHL - earning himself a reputation for being a pest (at best), and sometimes being dirty (at worst). This year we are proud to announce that he did not get suspended once! Though he did come in just short of 100 Penalty Minutes. Marchy was our top scorer this year, and has become an integral part of this team. (Forward (winger), #63, 1st Line)

- Are you secretly an arsonist? Are frogs your favorite animal? Do you have a crush on that Pretty Jock that’s in all your classes and sometimes smiles at you in the lunch line? Then Danton Heinen is the weirdo for you. Danton has been a quietly steady performer for the Bruins this season, spending time on the top line with Bergeron and Marchand when Pasta was out. He’s growing into quite the play maker, and he’s known for making good decisions on the ice that lead to goals. Danton also happens to look like a frog, which is an important character trait imo. He’s a tumblr favorite, but he’s a good person to like even in real life, because he makes an impact on the ice. (Forward (winger), #43, 3rd Line)

Step 4: chose your conventionally attractive white boy

- OKay we’re not doing the questions thing because judging by your ask you may not even be interested in men so i’m just going to dive straight into the description. He’s tall with a strong jaw and perfect curls and pecs of a God. Charlie Coyle is a Weymouth, MA native who Boston brought back home at the trade deadline. He’s been a bit of a hero this playoff run, and he looks damn good doing it. The B’s have been searching for a good 3rd line center, and Charlie has filled the role perfectly. Personally, I am deeply in love with him, in case you could not tell. (Forward (center/winger), #13, 3rd Line)

- an integral member of the Bruin’s all important Line 1A (aka the 4th line), Sean Kuraly has got it all. Piercing blue eyes? Check. Perfectly highlighted hair? Check. Cute little chin? Double check. Though he’s been photographed wearing jorts and an open flannel shirt with nothing underneath it, Sean is still a certified Babe. He’s been Klutch in every playoff run he’s had with the B’s, and is the scoring force behind the 4th Line’s brawn. Not to mention, his signature celly is a leap from the ice! (Forward, (center/winger), #52, 4th Line)

- Brandon Carlo… how do I begin to explain Brandon Carlo? Brandon Carlo is flawless. He has two bible tattoos and a designer bulldog. I hear his hair is insured for $10,000. I hear he does Tri-City Americans commercials… in Washington. His favorite movie is Miracle. One time he met David Backes on a plane… and he told him he was pretty. One time he punched me in the face… it was awesome (’cause he missed). In all seriousness though, Monte is a hardworking, defensive defenseman, who has really shone this season. He doesn’t show up on the scoreboard often, but he makes it really hard for other teams to get goals. Even though he struggles to score empty netters... he’s still a babe. (Defense, #25, 2nd Pair)

Step 5: Chose your shorty

- If you’re thinking - wait, shouldn’t Marchand be in this category? Isn’t he the smallest guy in the World? Then Torey Krug is the Short King for you. An ELITE offensive defenseman, Torey is absolute dynamite on the ice. In game 3 of the Stanley Cup Finals Torey made history by becoming the first Bruins player ever to record 4 points in a stanley cup finals game. Krug is quick on his feet and can snipe from the blue line, but isn’t afraid to lay down the law when he needs to. Notorious for loosing his helmet so he can show off that flow, Torey also has a bulldog named fenway and a BABY on the way. (Defense, #47, 2nd Pair).

- Is talk shit, get hit a favorite saying of yours? Can you appreciate biceps the size of your head? Then Noel Acciari is your man. He might be short but he’s built like a tank, and he uses that bod to plow through guys on the ice. Noeldozer is known for laying down the cleanest hits, and we love when he takes out the trash! The Rhode Island Native got married last summer, and has a golden retriever named Thor. His mouth is currently fucked right up but I promise he’s actually kinda pretty. (Forward (winger/center), #55, 4th Line)

- Are you one of the apparent hoards of people that think a Boston accent is sexy? Could you get into a guy who says the fuck word on live television? Are collarbone tattoos a thing you admire? Do you like sexy, tough little son’s of bitches? Great! Matt Grzelcyk is the little guy for you. A BU grad who’s become a cornerstone of the Bruins d-core, Grz is a tough little cutie who works hard and gets shit done. More of an offensive defenseman, Matty G has been there for the team even when all of our other defenseman were injured. His Dad has worked at the Gahden for like a million years, and playing for the B’s is a dream come true for Matt and his family. He got taken out in Game 2 of the Finals, and the Bruins are currently seeking revenge. Dude’s got a good beard going too. (Defense, #48, 3rd Pair)

Step 6: Pick your goalie

- As much as we love Jaro, there’s only one goalie you need to know about when you’re learning about the Bruins... 2 U’s 2 K’s 2 Points... Tuukka Rask! The clear MVP of the Playoffs this year, Tuukka has been a brick wall in the net for the B’s. He’s known for being quick tempered and a little... wild, at times, having been caught on camera beating the shit out of a bunch of milk crates and on time brandishing a skate blade at the refs like a knife. Though some fans seem to never forgive Tuukka for the B’s loosing the 2013 playoffs, around these parts we love and respect and rely on his prowess in the net. Off ice, he kinda looks like the grinch (and knows it), though apparently Bergy thinks he looks like Harry Styles (i wish i was kidding). He’s also got 2 adorable little girls! (GOALIE, starter)

So now you’ve got 6 guys that you know about, right? I would pick 1 or 2 of those to be the ones you pay attention to. Listen for headlines about their goals/play, if you’re watching games, look for their numbers on the ice. All you gotta do is be able to say “Wow did you see that Coyle goal on Saturday night?” and all of a sudden you sound like an expert! (This works even better of you choose a guy not from the first category). 

If you have more questions about specific players or lines, feel free to reach out! I know not a lot but I know many people who actually do know things lol

(Also to any of Bruins tumblr who made it this far, I KNOW i’m missing your faves okay. Wagner, Clifton, Nordy, MoJo, Moore, and half the providence roster deserve a spot on here. But I’ve already written too much)

(Also Also, special thanks to Lil for helping me with Monte’s description) 

#boston bruins #this was a labor of love #look i know not everyone will agree with my categories but i was trying to be succinct #mine #mine:bruins #anonymous #beth's got mail #bruins

[picturebookmakers]

Gerda Dendooven

In this post, Gerda talks about her creative process and shares illustrations from four of her books: ‘Stella, ster van de Zee’ (Stella, Star of the Sea), ‘Takkenkind’ (Branch-child), ‘Wintervuur’ (Winter Fire), and ‘De Gans en zijn broer’ (The Goose and his Brother).

Gerda Dendooven’s Wikipedia page

Gerda: I don’t like the word illustration. I prefer picture-maker. I make pictures, images, a new world. Mostly on paper.

Illustrations from ‘Stella, ster van de Zee / Stella, Star of the Sea’. Published by Querido, Netherlands, 2016.

When I make a picture, I jump into another existence, one that I created myself. The people in my pictures are sometimes people I met. I hear them talk, I hear what they say, how they speak, with what voice, what relationship they have with each other.

I am a kind of vampire: I steal with my eyes and with my ears.

What I hear inspires me more for pictures than what I see. What I see inspires me often for writing.

Illustrations from ‘Takkenkind / Branch-child’. Published by Querido, Netherlands, 2012.

I make books for children and adults, but in all my work there are three parameters:

1. I think of my audience: mostly children. 2. I think of the ones who buy and read the books to children: parents, teachers... 3. I think of myself: the artist. I have to be happy with what I make!

If I miss one of these, I fail. It has to be in balance.

Illustrations from ‘Wintervuur / Winter Fire’. Written by Carl Norac and published by Lannoo, Belgium, 2017.

I always start with an idea: what would I like to write about and draw? I have to feel the need to make the book. Just making a book is not enough; it has to be urgent for me.

So I talk about parents, the relationship between children and parents, between man and wife. In nearly all of my books, I question myself: what is a good mother? I am a mother, so I question myself about that issue.

Anxiety is also a prominent theme in my work. Anxiety is a motor and a brake. It brings you further and it stops you. It is a strong power.

Illustrations from ‘De Gans en zijn broer / The Goose and his Brother’. Written by Bart Moeyaert and published by Querido, Netherlands, 2014.

I believe in the strength of children. I believe in the flexibility of children to solve a problem. Everything is already in the child; we just have to wait for the right moment for it to come out. So don’t hurry.

Humour and fantasy are also important in my books and pictures. Fantasy is wonderful, but it can create anxiety as well.

In my pictures I exaggerate some specific characteristics – the morphology of the body – because it fascinates me and makes me laugh! So sometimes I work in an expressionistic style because that shows better what I want to say in a picture.

I work with ink, pencil and collage because collage gives me the freedom to change a picture till the end. I have less stress.

Illustrations © Gerda Dendooven. Post edited by dPICTUS.

Buy this book

Stella, ster van de Zee / Stella, Star of the Sea

Gerda Dendooven

Querido, Netherlands, 2016

“Oh look, there’s a foot. And there’s a hand. With fingers. And another foot.” “Man, this is not fish; this is a human being!”

A fisherman and his wife find a little girl in their net one day. Who is she and where did she come from? They decide that they will keep the little girl and call her Stella, Star of the Sea.

After a while, Stella’s new parents will discover that she is different from the other children.

Buy this book

Takkenkind / Branch-child

Gerda Dendooven

Querido, Netherlands, 2012

In the middle of the night, a woman tells her husband that she wants a child. Now! So the man starts looking. But none of the children who cross his path will be able to meet the strict demands of his wife. So he puts a branch in the cradle instead.

At first, the woman doesn’t want to know. But slowly, the branch-child teaches the woman how to love. And her love helps the child to grow.

Buy this book

Wintervuur / Winter Fire

Carl Norac & Gerda Dendooven

Lannoo, Belgium, 2017

Carl Norac and Gerda Dendooven give a voice and a face to the winter. They make it sound and look like never before.

A sparkling book of poems and short stories about the coldest season.

Buy this book

De Gans en zijn broer / The Goose and his Brother

Bart Moeyaert & Gerda Dendooven

Querido, Netherlands, 2014

The goose and his brother are doing well on their farm, together with the turkeys, the sheep, a dog, and of course, the farmer’s wife. Life is rather carefree.

But sometimes, the goose and his brother are quite overwhelmed by their thoughts... like: Why is the world constantly changing? When exactly does night begin? And how can you hold on to happiness?

Dutch: Querido

French: La Joie de lire

#belgium

[asortofsensation-a]

— 8 PEOPLE I’D LIKE TO KNOW BETTER !

tagged by: @ruptorune love u brie  tagging: @aerokinesiiss @venosum @remusetlupus @moonsworn @blazerought @vandbaerer @quiirinus @redheadarcher

ONE ( ALIAS / NAME ):Adam TWO ( BIRTHDAY ):   aug 8th THREE ( ZODIAC SIGN ):  leo FOUR ( HEIGHT ):   5′6″ FIVE ( HOBBIES ):  writing, reading, playing games, archery, annoying the pet dog w/ my love SIX ( FAVOURITE COLOUR(S) ): blue, grey, maroon, brown SEVEN ( FAVOURITE BOOKS ): i love Too Many books but my favourite series is The Raven Cycle ! EIGHT ( LAST SONG LISTENED TO ): crazy by 4MINUTE NINE ( LAST FILM WATCHED ): sleeping beauty   TEN ( INSPIRATION FOR MUSE ): I think my general inspiration for the muses I have on here that are canon is their backstory - especially side characters, since there’s so much to play with that it almost feels like developing my own character. as for OCs, the inspiration is so..varied. some from one line in a song to a picture to a particularly nice sunset. ELEVEN ( MEANING BEHIND YOUR URL ): my wife, @asortofsalvation, let me have matching URLs love u zee xoxo

#( ooc )

[nayna-bansal]

Book: The Hidden Letters 

Author: Purba Chakraborty

Publisher: Srishti Publishers

Genre: Contemporary Fiction

Format: Paperback

Pages: 200

Rating: 4.7/5

 

 

This is the story of a woman who loves her partner with the depth of her soul . She is doing every possible thing to  make her family happy. One day she receives letters which have the capacity to destroy her relations with her family. What is that in those letters? Why did she hide them? Read the book to know more.  

 

 

The author has very well penned down the relation between a daughter and mother /mother-in-law. Various dimensions of  a woman  as a wife, mother, sister, daughter –in-law, friend have been beautifully narrated as we get to see life mostly from the perspective of Anu, the protagonist. The struggle a woman goes through while choosing between the role of a mother or a wife. Need of a good friend is well portrayed in the story. The way misunderstandings can complex situations are well captured in the story. The struggle that a human face to choose between happiness and peace is well narrated.

 

Author has sketched some really firm female characters. She has laid the emphasis on a woman to be independent, career oriented, strong , dignified, intelligent and beautiful.

 

 

The language is easy and lucid. I would really like to appreciate the writing style of author. It is so impactful. As I was reading, I felt  the words were permeating my heart and soul. The  story telling was really captivating. Various figures of speech have been used every now and then. The way she has captured various fragile emotions and relationships in her story is really recommendable. The nomenclature of the chapters is also appreciated.

 

‘He had aged tremendously, half with time and more with pain for his daughter.’

 

 The narrations are vivid. The characters are well sketched. I could relate to characters and felt emphatic and sympathetic toward them. I went through various emotions while reading the book. Like I found myself smiling, blushing and crying while reading the book. There was always a curiosity to know ‘what will happen next?’ which made it a perfect page turner.

 

I feel that this book could be made into a good commercial movie. Like name of the movie could also be same. This book has everything : sweet romance, first love , sisterhood,confusion, motherhood, library, books, friendship, secrets and the hidden letters.  

 

 

The cover page is so attractive that I could not take away my eyes from it. It is really alluring, enticing and captivating. No other cover could be better than this.  The  title aroused my curiosity at once . I was bombarded with questions like what is on those hidden letters, who wrote, why were they hidden and many more.

 

Though the book is a work of fiction but author has also given nuggets of wisdom every now and then which can help reader to learn. It is like reader gets to know ‘words of wisdom ‘ through the story, which he/she can apply to her life. Referring few such motivating and inspiring lines here:

 

 “Everything changes: situation, people, time, place and feelings too.”

“There is no solution in complaining, but rather it is wise to accept the changes occurring around us and within us”

“When life keeps no other options for us, it’s better to move on”

“I wanted to convey that true love reigns over first love. And also that when someone gives up hope, they give up on life too soon”

“On one side, I have peace. On another, I have happiness. I have chosen happiness over peace for the last eighteen years. Today, I want to choose peace at the cost of happiness. Don’t make me weak, Zee,”

 

If you are looking for a captivating story with lots of emotions and suspense, this book is for you! Go grab it! I am really glad our Indian writers are writing such wonderful books at such young age . I am proud of them. The day is not far when Indian writers will have international readers in abundance.

#fiction #contemporary fiction

[dlkardenal]

Behind the Scalpel #3 Setting the foundations

Hey there, traveler!

Dar here with another episode of our favorite penguin telling stories clutching a weapon-sized medical tool. Today’s topic starts with one of our dear friends and important beta readers. He just finished reviewing the first draft of our WIP and the familiar itch to write came over him, so he asked us a question – how do you start?

So let’s talk about that, shall we?

A few disclaimers first: we are not a writing advice blog, and we never will be.

There are plenty of those around the web if you’re looking for some, I’m sure they’re easy enough to find because they are literally everywhere. This is more like a fireside story of how we did it and someone may find a few moments here and there that rings a bell or inspire them.

Still here? Awesome! Let me show you around…

I. Our writing style

Before we started creating our little book-baby, we already had a few years of experience roleplaying on play-by-post forums, so we pretty much knew what type of writers we are. Mainly, we are the type that doesn’t outline. Yes, that’s a thing and no, it is not the devil. You don’t HAVE to outline, some people can’t stick to a plan and like to explore the story as it unfolds through the characters. This is especially true for the co-writing method we used, which I talked about in a previous reply, but if anyone’s interested chuck me a reply and I’ll gladly elaborate again.

II. The world

But still, there were a few things we wrote down in a really pretty, ornate notebook. These were the “do”s and the “don’t”s. They are pretty self-explanatory: the “do”s were a bunch of concepts we insisted on putting into the book (to be more concrete, the “do”s were Arabic aesthetics, the appearance of djinn and A thousand and one night type of magic, a kingdom destroyed in a magical cataclysm leaving a desert and the few surviving cities). The “don’t”s were things we detested in other books so we tried to avoid these (things like forced love triangles, the chosen one trope, over the top mythical animals, a prophecy about the end of the world). When we finished this little brainstorm over a cup of green tea, we had ourselves the broad outline (well, not really but sorta) of a world.

III. The main character

Now came the exciting part and a point where our roleplayer past kicked in – we needed a POV character. We decided that Lory would control and act out this character throughout the story while I lob plot-related things and sexy mercenaries towards her, so she came up with the idea of our main character, Zaira. To start with she wrote a page-long text about Zaira smoking hookah in a luxurious villa and trying really hard to forget something in her past. Reading her thoughts two things became obvious: first, that Zaira (or Zee as we call her among ourselves) was a type of djinn that should’ve been able to control air, but she for some reason couldn’t. Second, that she worked as the assistant and adopted daughter of a perfume maker because the only superhuman power she had was an overly sensitive smell. That was all I needed to start and formulate a story.

IV. The inciting incident.

My first thought was some kind of murder-mystery. Maybe an important man was killed, a nobleman and his wife, and the murder weapon was a poisonous gas. Maybe the nobleman’s surviving son saw a young woman, so the city’s law enforcers think Zaira as a perfumer created the gas and know they are trying to blame, imprison, or even execute her.

That was the first idea, so I picked up the scene of Zee in a hookah party and threw a benevolent but serious law enforcer at her. This was Rashad, one of the more important side characters, a soldier tasked with finding the killer. Then all we had to do was act out how would the characters react. What would Rashad ask? What would Zee answer? Would she cooperate? Would Rashad believe her? From that point on we just kept acting out the characters, I swtiched from Rashad to some other faces you’ll meet eventually on our blog and I kept adding random tidbits to the story until it started to take shape. Of course there were a lot (I mean a LOT) of bad ideas, which needed rooting out. So before I weaved something into a scene I always asked Lory out-of-character what he thought about my newly made-up idea. When I got the green light I smashed it against the story and the part that didn’t scrape off on the already existing lore became our new building block. This was the same if she had an idea we could add, and that was the way we discovered our story.

Well, this is kind of it for now. I know it’s a bit shorter than our last post, but you get the gist of it. 

Some take-home messages I wanted to pass: outlining is not the only way, writers are not Mandalorians. There are many ways. Also, it is a good strategy to just dump everything you want and don’t want in your story on a blank page, then mold it into a more or less functioning world, then create a character to explore it and flood him/her with every possible fuckup that can happen. Then just write until a new idea flashes your mind, try that idea against the already settled things and if it fits, go for it! Just keep your character’s personality in mind so they don’t do something unthinkable and unbelievable. Once again I must say this is not a writing advice post, so don’t go burning your manuscript if you’re not doing it like this. Go, find your own path, but if you try how we did it and succeed in jumping into your story, definitely message me so we can cheer together!

Also, we are toying with the idea of releasing the first book in pieces on Wattpad (either the whole thing our a few chapters to give a little taste), so if you’re interested in what that little first scene in the hookah place turned into, please let us know! But if you think that’s a terrible idea and we should sooner hit ourselves with a hammer, then don’t keep that to yourself either!

Dar

#writerblr #writebl #writing #bts #writing wip #current wip #writers #writers of tumblr #writing community

[unprofessionalcritic]

‘Part 2’ Of ‘Manichitratazhu’. I saw Manichitratazhu when I was 9 years old. I came across this film while I was watching ‘Chandramukhi’ on ‘Zee Cinema’. While I was researching on Chandramukhi I came across this movie and that's when I realized that all these film's were inspired by Manichitratazhu. There's a song in the movie Oru Murai Vanthu that I grew up listening to. I used to dance like Nagavalli, and for years I did that. The Film is about Nakulan and His Wife Ganga(@shobana_danseuse ), who belong to the royal family. The belong to Kerala, Kerala's their native place, now Nakulan and Ganga go to their native place, because Nakulan who's an engineer by profession has some work there, so Both Nakulan and Ganga pay a surprise visit to their uncle's house, but instead of staying at his uncle's place Nakulan decides to stay at their ancestral Palace. Their relatives get scared because the palace is haunted. So the story goes like this The head of Nakulan's family whose name was Shankaran Thampi was madly in love with his mistress/dancer whom he brought from Tamil Nadu, her name was Nagavalli. What Shankaran Thampi Didn't know was that Nagavalli was in love with Ramanath, who secretly lived in the house which was right next to the Palace. When Thampi got to know about this, he killed Nagavalli. However on the day of ‘Durgashtami’ Nagavalli turned into a bloodthirsty witch and tried to kill Thampi, but he saved himself by chanting some mantra's. That was the story. Let's talk about the performances now. Shobana looks so natural in the movie, there's hardly any make-up on her face, she made it look so convincing that it became difficult for you to realize that she's not possessed by Nagavalli's Spirit. The background score is haunting,it is. It sent a chill down my spine when I heard it for the first time. I was so scared while watching it. The songs are good, everything about this movie is perfect and that is why,even after 25 years of it's release, people still get scared while watching it. Enough praise for the day 😀. By, Nikhilesh Bendre🖋️✍️✏️📝🖊️📖📰. #ReviewWithFC #unprofessionalcritic #mynetflixreviews #IndianFilmProject #manichitratazhu https://www.instagram.com/p/B2wKWwwAQMH/?igshid=1i1xfxi67bjvz

#reviewwithfc #unprofessionalcritic #mynetflixreviews #indianfilmproject #manichitratazhu

[fortheheavenssake]

Love and Humour (LH) Anon

*** all submitted by Love and Humour (LH) Anon to @skippyv20. (much ❤️ ❤️ & 😆 😆, enjoy)

April 10, 2020

Dear Skippy, made with Love and Humour, not a grain of truth (or insight) in sight.

Meghan Markle has a ‘spring in her step’ after leaving the UK (Credit: Daily Mail)

ROYALTEE COMMUNICATIONS

Friday 28th March 2020

The Duchess of Sussex Podiatry Update

The Duchess of Sussex would like to thank the global public for the warm wishes received from 9 people. Follow up bunion surgery was a success and High Royaltee Heels (HRH) are once again allowed to be worn.

In addition, High Royaltee Heels (HRH) will be featured in strictly unlimited Splash News paparazzi images as The Duchess adjusts to life queuing for essentials such as scented soya candles, AA batteries for Darren Doll and chia seed salad dressing. Please be assured that the Duchess of Sussex has a new spring in her step as she steps springingly into spring.

Royal snub: Real reason Meghan Markle and Harry silent in wake of Queen’s historic speech (Credit: Express UK)

Our favourite two tone, tone deaf, mood trampler has been hard at work for at least 3 hours in the last month supporting the work of HMTQ, as promised via her exit from the BRF.

The dust mites had barely settled on her calligraphy pen before Scooby arrived home with an ink refill for her to get going. Unfortunately for Scooby the stationary shop had run out of royal blue glitter ink and his mistress was not happy with the shade of ‘peasant noir’ he chose instead. She chucked a cup of tea in his general direction and used half the ink to decorate his top lip with a Poirot-esque facial appendage. Thus whipped into quiet submission to seek permanent ink removal techniques she was in a position to impart some wisdom to HMTQ.

It was a frantic, boots to the ground, empowering, enlightening and de-gassing few hours for MM. The ink flowed across the paper as it was traced from a calligraphy A-Z underneath, the wine glass circles made pretty patterns on the pages, the phone rang once but it was only that chap from the council rejecting the petition for a Princess of Sussex. At the conclusion of this time, MM grinned with purple stained teeth satisfaction at the soggy 30 page tome. This was to be just another notch in her legacy - the Queens speech, at a time of crisis, calligraphically curated by Meghan Markle, HRH, Duchess of Sussex, Princess of Sussex. The speech was sent off toot-sweet to HMTQ.

A royal source has leaked that it is very hard to know the level of adulation to come. LG has indicated in his proof of receipt letter that a special recording of the speech will be sent to MM after its broadcast on the 14th May. She will look forward to commenting on her role in curating the speech at that time. Until then, MM wishes her privacy to be respected and has no comment to make.

Royal reading inspiration: Kate, Meghan and Camilla’s favourite books to entertain you during lockdown (Credit: Hello Magazine)

<excerpt from article for brevity>

Meghan:

Trinny and Suzanna - How to dress for your body shape (brick on sticks edition)

“My best dearest friend and confidant, the Countess of Wessex, was engaged by HMTQ to advise me on dress protocol and general demeanour in the BRF, I haven’t looked at it yet because I don’t need advice”

Jamie Oliver - Pukka Tukka

“This title grabbed my attention from the outset. I haven’t opened it yet but think it will have overly invaluable advice on how to tuck your moon bump into your knickers. I don’t wear knickers and, after one incident that I totally got away with, my moon bumps now have reinforced crotch straps so I will not need to read this book.”

John Campbell -The Iron Lady: Margaret Thatcher, from Grocer’s Daughter to Prime Minister

“I love this book because the title is nice and the photo on the cover is in black and white. My US team are reading it for me and writing a similar story ‘The Tungsten Tank, from Lighting Directors Daughter to … well something, they haven’t worked out the narrative yet.”

Lindsay Jill Roth - What Pretty Girls Are Made Of

“This is actually the best book in the world. I haven’t read it but the launch party was cray-zee. When you buy it via any outlet, be sure to include the promotional code ‘HRHMM’ so that you get a special marked up price with proceeds going to my charitable foundation xx”

Thank you so much. We need laughter especially in these times. Prayers, love, support and laughter…is what will carry us through….love this! 🙏🏻❤️❤️❤️😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

——————

April 15

Dear Skippy, a riddle interpretation made with love and humour in celebration of MM Anon returning. So wonderful MM Anon, thank you. Skippy, Thank You for being your usual wonderful self, and keeping that door open. This interpretation contains no truth and only fun. LH Anon

doctor gone batty………

Actual Dr Jane Goodall interview

“My colleagues at the Royal Society for the Protection of Bats were delighted with the arrival of a rare male bat pup. Like all pups born at the Royal Society HQ, he was named after a member of the BRF, this one was dubbed Prince Harry.”

“Since his release into the wild, Prince Harry is finding life outside of the Royal Society challenging. He is sighted almost daily near the Royal Society HQ and doesn’t seem to have yet ‘flown the nest’ so to speak.”

“Night tracking indicates that there is a recently acquired spouse on the scene who has restricted his hunting abilities. We are concerned that he has lost weight.”

“The spouse displays desperate flirtation and attraction techniques but all indications to date show that Prince Harry does not want his offspring to grow up like that, in the wild.”

“We have to bring him back into the fold of the Royal Society for this rare breeding line to continue.”

LA for dummies ………

INTERNAL MEMO - Sunshine Sachs LA Office

Action with urgency

Contact Splash News, advise client has received parcel previously delayed in UK under non-essential freight notice. Call time on location 1100 hours.

Contact Meghans Mirror, advise client will be dressed in Dorias hand me down yoga-wear (details to come). Pitch as ‘recycling clothes’ and tell them to get A into G with sourcing designer samples, it has been months now.

Contact upmarket baby shop, advise client will return goods, including feature baby pacifier for full refund after images published.

Contact Archewell Foundation, advise client appearance fee from shop is to be publicised as donation following boom in sales

All invoices and timesheet hours are to include the job code reference ‘MM042 - Dummy for her dummy’

Doctors Within Borders ……… social insistence …………

Following the epic success of her voiceover in ‘Elephants Without Borders’, PH has been caught out again pitching his wife’s talent in the hopes of furthering her A List career. In a phone call to the BBC investigative branch he was insistent that her expertise and contacts could be used in the planned documentary ‘Doctors With no Borders’. The documentary, conceptualised by writers who hang out on certain Tumblr blogs, focuses on medical professionals who have been paid off to endorse medical fiction. In regards to the segment about surrogacy cover ups PH was to have said “Oh yeah, she’s invested. I mean interested.”

hugs not bugs………

“I was just cruising around, enjoying the musty odour of the building. I’m attracted to sparkly things so went to check out this headpiece, worst luck, it was cubic zirconia not real diamonds. Then it happened, I flew a little lower towards the face. I still have bad dreams about that close up view. I was trying to get away and she kept waving her hand around, it was like she was trying to catch and cuddle me against my wishes.”

Fly remembers the wedding of MM and PH

absolutely isolated

The new TV series, funded by O, features MM, a heavy-drinking, drug-abusing PR pawn who spends her time failing to lose weight and chasing bizarre fads in a desperate attempt to stay young and “hip”.

MM is joined by magazine fashion director JM, whose drug abuse, alcohol consumption and desperate promiscuity far eclipse MM’s.

MM is reliant upon the support of her half sister SM, an aspiring writer whose constant care of her immature sister has left her a bitter cynic.

The series also stars DR in a supporting role as MM’s dotty, sarcastic and often thieving mother who appears, usually in the background, in nearly all of the episodes.

Scooby as MM’s utterly brainless personal assistant also features in many of the episodes.

Only review

“I give this one star because it is real reality TV. I can’t give it anything more than that as the storyline is blatantly ripped off from Ab Fab. The title is a highly offensive play-on-words amid a global pandemic, but I guess it shows the same sensitivity as writing motivational messages on bananas for ladies of the night”

Kate. ……… “ not a whisper ma’am ……… St George’s chapel of course!!……………

Jeopardy MM Edition!?!

Answer: Kate

Question: Whose husband does MM most want?

Answer: Shout

Question: What initiative did MM try to hijack during her time in the BRF?

Answer: St George’s Chapel

Question: Where was MM when she realised that her game was up?

Oh thank you! Such fun! You are brilliant! We need the laughs for sure!😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

——————

May 10

Dear Skippy, a riddle interpretation made with Love and Humour. No truth, no seriousness, not a speck of speculation, just some ramblings to maybe lighten the mood for some today. Thank you MM Anon for the fodder! LH Anon :)

MM ANON ……… Rachel 43………… archificial 15 months ……… The high value real estate world is buzzing with speculation today after information was publicly sought to identify a tenant who has abandoned several properties, leaving hundreds of thousands of dollars in rent arrears. Multiple properties have been affected in locations such as Vancouver Island, LA and Malibu. The only clue, common to all properties, is a wall size chart, mounted by the door in the kitchen. There are two markings on these charts, both at 1.68m tall these are labeled ‘Rachel, 43’ and ‘Archificial, 15 months’.

hospitality will become inhospitable ………… the R factor ………… MM has announced her new super smart communications team, herself and a cabbage.

In unrelated news, a new book will be hitting the shelves this summer.

‘Finding a Freeloader’ is an R18 biopic, written by royal reporter Omid Scobie. “With unique access and written without the participation of of MM who lived under Scobies couch for 18 months, Finding a Freeloader is an honest, up-close, and disarming portrait of a cash-strapped, internet obsessed, and fat headed ex royal who is unafraid to break with tradition, determined to create a new path in the largest spotlight possible, and dedicated to building a legacy that will make a profound stain on the world.” reads an excerpts from the summary of the book.

“Henry, don’t do that”. …… Whispers from royal aides have let us know that HMTQ gave PH a ticking off inside the Windsor Castle bolthole they are residing. Apparently he was tinkering with a 3M home printer, wrapping it up to send over to MM. HMTQ is said to have right royally disagreed with sending her presents.

return to school??? …………… no guidelines …………… If you are at home and bored you can train online as a counsellor. Today I feel ________.

If you are at home and bored you can plaster a wall to make it look like your hubbys house. Today I feel ____smart_____

If you are at home and bored you can play with zoom video filters. Today I feel ___airbrushed_____.

If you are at home and bored you can read a book to your child. Today I feel ____damp____.

If you are at home and bored you can take the neighbours dog for a walk with an actor. Today I feel ____thrivin_____.

be alert,the country needs lerts………… MM and JM are hard at it again, drumming up business opportunities to stimulate their personal economies during these trying times. The newest initiative is bumper stickers. Chuck one on your car, slogan up your stroller, pimp your private jet, heck if you want to really get on board, slap a bumper on your moon bump and wiggle wobble that tum up to your audience!

A slight hiccup has delayed production of the stickers, the 3M home printer seems to have a malfunction which drops a letter from some words. Until this issue is remedied, the motivational bumper stickers will be available for a discount price of $143 + p&p

“Money can’t buy rust”

“The sign of a beautiful person is that they always see beauty in oters”

“The key to success is to tart”

risk assessment!!! ………… an issue of safety ………… it’s the economy,stupid!! ………… Very exciting news came for MM via a low rent TV shopping channel!! She has been asked to front one whole segment, approximately 19 minutes long for their buy 3 get 11 free homeware extravaganza! She is so excited, knowing that this is just one step from Oprahs couch, a short leap away from becoming the next Shakespeare, a stones throw from presidency! A minion provided all the information needed over the phone, he unfortunately had a small speech impediment but this didn’t stop MM from listening intently to the bits of the conversation that interested her.

It was a busy preparation day. MM mused what to film. The minion had mentioned that a whisk assessment would be a good idea in the current covid climate but what whisks had to do with a virus she wasn’t sure. She settled on making a homemade wedding cake. JM emailed the recipe for the one she made the day before MMs wedding, Archie took the car and collected 3 whisks, Doria converted her basement to a kitchen studio, TM dropped off some lights, Scoobie cried and did her makeup, MA took the dogs for a walk and SS called about her outstanding bills.

And all was ready.

Whisk One 0/10 - basic egg whisk

MM could not get it out of the hard plastic packaging and was unable to test it.

Whisk Two 0/10 - fancy dough whisk

MM forgot to buy ingredients and was unable to test it. By the time Archie returned from shopping she had left the premises to pap walk.

Whisk Three 0/10 - electric whisk

MMs wig was caught in the blades of the whisk.

The segment was cancelled.

test, Trace and isolate. ………… a silver lining 🌈🌈 Sugars are calling MM a silver lining in this pandemic as she continues to translate official advice into a format that they understand. With new guidelines announced overnight, MM has been burning the midnight oil to get a new video out for them. Offical transcript below, video will be emailed via offical spokesperson once heavy doctoring is complete.

MM: Government guidelines show that we need to follow these simple 3 steps - Test, Trace, Isolate - to help in the fight against covid-19. I love to shorten things, I make things so much more relatable. Did you know that I call my husband ‘H’? No? Well I do and he is my husband and me and him are together and have a kid OK. Anyway, back to this virus, Test, Trace, Isolate! To make it easier for people to remember I have shortened the steps, T - T - I or as I like to call them ’TTI’s’. My titties are now trademarked and copyrighted so spread the word and lets get the use of them bankrolling some money in for me! Stay safe and follow my titties everyone, they are magical!

MA: Bravo!

Oh thank you so much! Much needed laughs today! Such a joy! You always brighten Mr. Skippy’s and my day! We love these. Thank you!😊❤️❤️❤️❤️😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

——————

July 9

Dear Skippy, here is an MM Anon interpretation made up with Love and Humour and plenty of un-reality. All entertainment with no truth here. Thank you so much Skippy and MM Anon for the fun :) Much happiness to everyone here, LH Anon

girl up the creek………hostage man. ………… half free meal………… drug exposure …………… … Meghan Markle and Michelle Obama Are Joining Forces - Both women are set to speak at a gender equality summit later this month.

MM, currently the Duchess of Sussex and former HRH, will feature in a video possibly made by her and unrelated to any content provided by MO in a groundbreaking word salad covered in a virtual salad dressing of topics

How to carve your own canoe paddle from dead wood

Creating the ultimate free loaded captive environment for spouses in a long distance situation

Debunking the myth: There is no such thing as a free lunch, you can have your coke and eat it too

Scrub the internet 101: The chemical way

staff redundancy at HMTQ …………… HMTQ has announced plans for several staff redundancies, to be actioned between now and the end of this year. These include, but are not limited to, LG, PH and the entire ’Sussex’ household support. When questioned about the redundancies, the royal spokesperson refused to be drawn as to reasons or whether the staff would be re-deployed to other roles. In an unguarded moment the spokesperson was heard to mutter ‘tick tock, boom’ leading to speculation that the scheduled maintenance of royal clocks and cannons was a preoccupation.

boarding rules …………… most popular royal ……………… They grow up so fast! Archie Darren Doll off to boarding school. MM has had this important decision underway for a long time. Shunning the ‘toxic environments’ that exist in royal educational circles, she is delighted and certain that this will be the most popular decision she has made yet. The boarding space has been booked since before Darrens conception at $30 per month (reduced to $0 a month for patrons) at the ‘prestigious Mayhew’ outfit.

mines a cider……… In breaking news, PW enjoys cider and chips in Norfolk pub beer garden. In unrelated news, MM has added another topic to her gender equality seminar

Brewing alcohol in lockdown; the perfect gift for the family member you want to have

( where’s pg 💜💜) …………… Scoobie has not seen MM in person for many days now, she refuses point blank to emerge from under his couch in daylight. Shrieking sounds have been heard in the dead of the night, marks on the walls indicate someone with a greasy wig is repeatedly banging their head, the recycling bin is mysteriously filling up with wine bottles and some weirdo called Marcus keeps leaving voicemail messages on the landline phone about paying a debt. It must have been a week ago when Scoobs found a post-it note on the kitchen table when he woke one morning. It was very cryptic,

‘Get onto the panda, find PG, source W Cream, doc bill unpaid”

He is having difficulty working it out but is keeping himself, boots on the ground, busy trying, he went to the zoo but it was closed because of covid-19

In unrelated community news,

Toys R Us have issued a trespass notice to a member of the public for refusing to pay for a soft animal toy after it was soiled by a customer repeatedly sitting on top of it and taking selfies.

Numerous police have been approached in recent days by a male of indeterminable age who has requested a ride on top of their vehicle. None agreed. A referral is pending for his psychiatric assessment

The local supermarket has placed a ‘2 per customer limit’ on teabags after an unidentified customer purchased their entire stock of the popular brand PG Tips

The Department of Conservation has issued a public statement that threats to sue have been made against them, which will be rigorously defended. It is said that a concerned member of the public has accused them of having an unpaid invoice for ‘humanitarian work’ carried out in a secret place at an undetermined time.

”it’s Balmoral Philip, but not as we know it) …… out of his Depp-th… Due to a confidential threat to the family, HMTQ has beefed up surveillance and security at most royal properties of late. PP and HMTQ enjoy tapping into the new systems and are taking great pleasure in observing the nightly actions of one individual via underwater CCTV footage. He slinks out to the edge of the lake in darkness, wearing jandals, jeans and an open necked shirt. Each night he tries to scuba dive his way into the estate. Encountering steel mesh each night, it is only a matter of time until he tries to breach the area where PP commissioned his sign ‘Bog Off MA, we have your f***ing picture’.

“ more 🎼Braziiiiil🎼…………… Spanish flu?? ……… 🎼we’re all going on a summer holiday 🎼 HMTQs favourite ‘for fun Phillip’ insect infiltration agent has been dispatched to LA. Layovers for wing rest were authorised in Spain and Brazil. Fly is reported to have arrived safely with only a minor cold due to flying at altitude. Mission: ultimate MM annoyance for summer months.

Oh oh….my sides! Oh you are too funny! Omg! My pups are looking at me like they must call woof-woof-woof…..Mr. Skippy begging me to stop reading….half rolling on the ground…..daughter and SonIL asking if we need an ambulance……such great fun….oh…and cat screaming he called for one! Thank you so much! You made my night! Love to you!😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

—————

[daggerzine]

Coming in first.....Jeremy Jensen opens up about The Very Most.

I definitely haven’t heard enough of Jeremy Jensen’s music, but what I have heard (under the name The Very Most) I really like. I went over to his Bandcamp page and noticed a plethora of releases so yeah, the dude is prolific. If you’ve listened then you’ll know that Jensen likes melody and I’m assuming he’s got a few Beach Boys and Beatles’ records in his collection. His songs have plenty of hooks but have this dreamy background and for as many songs as the guy’s written over the years he manages to make each one unique.  Some are quite grand while others are quite low-key and simple. We’ve been Facebook friends for quite some time and I enjoy his posts, but wanted to find out more so I shot him some questions and he was more than happy to answer. 

Were you born and raised in Boise? I was born in Roosevelt, Utah, raised in Nampa, Idaho (a suburb of Boise that had about 30,000 people in it when I lived there and now has around 100,000) and have been living in Boise for over 20 years now.

What are some of the best things about Boise? It’s a city I’ve always heard good things about and been very curious about, but have never been there. Boise is a high-desert town on the edge of the largest stretch of forest in the lower 48.  My favorite things about Boise are the Boise River and the surrounding foothills. I’m not a huge outdoor enthusiast, but the river is so nice to walk along. We’ve got miles and miles of trails called the Greenbelt that run right along the river. I also love that Boise has plenty to do as far as an arts and music scene goes, but it’s not such a huge city that commute times are out of hand. It’s also affordable compared to Seattle, Portland, and California, but it is becoming less affordable as we grow, and we’re growing really fast. There’s plenty of good food here too. The schools are good here. It’s a really good place to raise kids. David Lynch loved living here when he was a kid in the late 50s - early 60s. We put an exclamation mark after the word “Library” on the signs for all our libraries. I’m not making that last one up. Also, it’s pronounced “Boy-see”, not “Boy-zee,” and anyone who tells you otherwise is wrong.

What was the first song you remember hearing that really knocked your socks off? Dog and the Butterfly by Heart. This was probably in 1981 when I was five. It was just so pretty and Ann Wilson has a really great voice. I also loved the LP artwork, which was vaguely Chinese-themed.

Jeremy and the gang

How old were to when you first picked up an instrument? Was it parental pressure ro did you want to do it? I did 5th grade orchestra in school. I played violin for those first couple years and then switched to string bass, which led to electric bass, which led to guitar. I wanted to do it. My dad claims he had a rule in the house that every kid was required to play a musical instrument, but I was unaware of the existence of that rule. Maybe I didn’t need to be.

What was your introduction to the punk/new wave/indie music scene? When was the transition and how did it happen? Well, my mom bought U2’s The Joshua Tree, which I really loved, and which helped me learn of bands like R.E.M. She also enrolled me in the Columbia House CD club, where my first purchases included their album Green. I guess this would have been about 1990. Around ‘91, my friends introduced me to The Violent Femmes and The Smiths, and, like so many others, The Smiths were my platonic ideal of what a band should be. In 1993, I heard Built to Spill on a local college radio show. Their song “Three Years Ago Today” sounded like pop from another planet to me, and it blew me away that a band from Boise was making those sounds. Not only did that experience lead me to K records, which led me to indiepop, which changed my listening habits forever, it also made me believe that I could make good music, even though I was from a podunk town in Idaho. A lot of us Idahoans have inferiority complexes. Built to Spill will always be heroes to me.

Had you been in any bands before The Very Most? Yeah. I led a band called The Yukon and You with my wife and a friend of ours. I was also in a surf-rock band called D.O.L.L. The very first high school band I was in was called Thrush. Later, all three of my kids would get thrush when they were nursing. I’ve also played a lot in my brother Elijah’s bands over the years: Pajama Party in a Haunted Hive (named after the Beat Happening song) and his current project With Child. I’ve played in a few other local bands over the years too. Never a cover band though.

How/when did you form The Very Most? What was the initial inspiration? I started accumulating recording gear around 2000. I guess I wrote a bunch of songs. I don’t remember ever writing them though. I started recording them and when I finally finished an album in ‘03, I needed a band to play them so that I could sell CDs at shows. I actually started playing as The Very Most in ‘02 before the album came out, but the intention was to have a band ready for a record release show. The band started as a duo with my sister Rachael who was living with my wife and I at the time. Over the years, the band has gone through a lot of mutations both in number of members and instruments. We got a drummer, a female singer, a keyboardist. For a while we had a full-time vibraphonist. I think something like 12-15 people have been in the band for at least one show or more. As recently as a year ago I was playing a solo synth-pop set as The Very Most, but now I don’t play live as The Very Most at all.

What are some faraway places that the band has taken you to? What are some favorite foreign cities? Well, we haven’t gone on any really long tours, but we played the UK (including Indietracks) and I’ve played in Glasgow and Dublin three times. Glasgow and Dublin are my favorite cities in the world that I’ve been to. I’m not as fond of huge megalopolises that are basically 50 different cities glommed together (kinda how New York and London are). Glasgow, Dublin, Portland, and, also, Bristol in England kind of have a unified feel to them. (Boise does too.) It’s like the difference between a concept album and a epic White-album-style album. 

How does your songwriting process go? Does it start with a riff from you or something else? It almost always starts with a guitar or keyboard riff. I come up with these little main ideas for songs and record them really quickly in my software. Then I revisit them and decide which ones to flesh out into real songs. The order usually goes like this: riffs, basic tracks, a few ornamental type parts like keyboard leads, writing the lyrics, recording the vocals, and then usually adding a few more ornamental parts and backing vocals.

How active is The Very Most these day? Any upcoming plans? The Very Most is inactive live, but very active in the studio. I’m working on a new album, but haven’t played live for about a year. I think once my album is done and ready to release, I’ll probably get a two or three piece version of The Very Most ready to play a few shows.

Is your label, Coming in Second, still active these days? Not really. Two or so years ago I had some grand plans to get it going again, but we haven’t released much. Just a couple download-only things. There aren’t any plans to release anything else at the moment through that label.

Tell us about your involvement with the band The Hermit Crabs. Well, I think it was 2010. The web label EardrumsPop had this compilation called “Between Two Waves” where the idea was that people from two different bands combine forces to create a new song, hopefully with a new band name. I decided to get in touch with The Hermit Crabs, from Glasgow, Scotland, so we could do that song together. The name of the project was Baffin Island and, in addition to the song for EardrumsPop, we ended up making an EP and a few other songs for compilations. We did it by emailing files to one another. Anyway, that’s how I got to know Mel, the leader of The Hermit Crabs. She came from Glasgow to Boise to record a Hermit Crabs album in 2012. That album, In My Flat, didn’t get released until 2015 though. Since then we’ve done a couple Hermit Crabs tracks together internet-style for the Rose Melberg tribute compilation and also a Matinee Records compilation that hasn’t been released yet.

Any current Boise bands that we need to know about? With Child, Canal Canal, Bruce Robert, Sleepy Seahorse, Central City Music Company, Bonefish Sam and His Orchestra, Idle Chatter.

What are some new bands/records you’ve fallen in love with? THE GOON SAX!! Best new band in quite some time. Unfortunate band name, though. I don’t think we left enough good band names for the next generation. Starry-Eyed Cadet and Space Daze are two really great new-ish bands too. My daughter’s favorite band Boy Pablo is really nice. Kinda like a cross between Prefab Sprout and Mac DeMarco.

What are your top 10 desert island discs? In no particular order: Jonathan Richman - Rockin’ and Romance Prefab Sprout - Steve McQueen The Beach Boys - Pet Sounds Some sort of Debussy box set Built to Spill - There’s Nothing Wrong With Love Belle and Sebastian - Push Barman to Open Old Wounds Camera Obscura - My Maudlin Career R.E.M. - Reckoning The Softies - Holiday in Rhode Island The Aislers Set – The Last Match

Any closing comment? Final thoughts? Anything you wanted to mention that I didn’t ask? I just want everyone to wish me luck in making the new The Very Most album. I think it’ll be as good as the other ones. Different, but as good or better. At least I think.

https://theverymost.bandcamp.com/

https://cominginsecond.bandcamp.com/]

[literateape]

When Crowdfunding Resembles Opportunism or The Greed in Your Ask is Getting Obvious

By Don Hall

I most recently joined the World of Crowdfunding with my new Patreon Campaign. I’m torn as, in general, I’ve seen far too many of these efforts resemble either a corrupt civil servant trying to raise money for bail or legal fees, someone desperately using it as a replacement for medical insurance or Ian Belknap using GoFundMe to help pay for an office space so he doesn’t have to deal with his kids at home while churning out pedantic screeds on Faceborg. 

Go ahead and Google “crowdfunding abuse” and the list is long and ugly.

When Angela Vela asked me to perform a piece about Greed for her monthly show The Seven Deadly Sins, crowdfunding abuse was my target.

Dear Roger –

I know I haven’t been in touch for a while and I apologize right off the bat for not reaching out to you when you got your new job three years ago or when you got married two years ago or when you and your wife had that baby last year. Obviously, you were in my thoughts but I never took the time to connect after college. My bad, bro.

Remember the time when we both got so drunk that we ended up streaking in the Dillons parking lot? LMAO! I barely do. Thanks for bailing us both out, right?

Anyways, I’m writing to you now because I’m kind of in a bind. I wrote some bad checks about two months ago—I totally thought I had them covered but the places cashed the checks before the date I put on them—I thought you couldn’t do that but apparently you can—and the bank is totally fucking me over. Thank god I’m living with my mom, right?

Seriously, is there any chance I could borrow, like, $450 for a while until I get this all straightened out? I’m good for it, bro.

If it is, here’s my Paypal account or you can just send it directly through Chase Pay.

Thanks.

Yo, Rog!!

Long time, no see, right? How’s the wife and kid? I hope great!

The reason I’m writing is to first, apologize for not getting you that $400 back yet. I know it’s been a couple years but things have been moving really fast around here and I’m thinking you’ll thank me once you see how I spent the money I owe you. If you think of it as an investment into something amazing, I’m sure of it.

I moved out of my mom’s house into her garage (I pay rent so it’s not like charity or anything) and decided that I was going to go into a brand new field. Yes, my degree in Contemporary Greek Philosophy is valuable to me but is not what a sustainable career is made of, right?  So I looked out into the world in search of my calling, right? And it hit me right in the jaw—social media. I spend a huge amount of my time writing funny things on Facebook and Twitter, why not parlay that into a full-time career? So...

I’m in Chicago now, and I’m going to take classes at the famed Second City Training Center. You know, the place that spawned the careers of Bill Murray, Stephen Colbert, that guy from the “Sledgehammer” TV show and the voice of Homer Simpson? I figure that a degree from such an esteemed comedic institution is bound to bolster my street cred with companies looking for clever and sarcastic social media responses so I’m currently enrolled.

Here’s the thing: the $400 I owe you went to pay for some of my first eight weeks but once I get my degree and a job writing the Funny Ha-Ha, I’ll pay you back with interest. OR...

Below is a link to my new Kickstarter Campaign to raise the money to pay for all 15 levels of Second City training. I only need to raise $22,000 for this and after all those levels, I’m pretty much guaranteed a spot on SNL which would be even better than writing for Facebook. LOL! Winky emoji.

Any amount is acceptable and you know I’m good for it. A donation of $500 will get you an autographed photo and front row seats at a live taping of SNL!

Thanks!

Dear Roger –

After Second City level 7 and my continued work at Boston Market, I wanted to die every single day of my life and it took me several years to realize it was because of the environment I was in. So, I picked the next best place: San Francisco, which is close to my dad, since we’ve never gotten to have much of a relationship and I like the weather up here. I found a job (I was hired the same day as my interview, in fact) and I put a bunch of debt on a shiny new credit card to afford the move.

I got the job thinking I was all set to write those funny quips on the company’s social media (I mean, I did have seven levels at the world famous Second City, right?) but I was told I’d have to work in support for an entire year before I would be able to move to a different department. A whole year answering calls and talking to customers just for the hope that someday I’d be able to make memes and Twitter jokes. But that’s neither here nor there. Let’s get back to the situation at hand, shall we?

So here I am, 27-years-old, balancing all sorts of debt and trying to pave a life for myself that doesn’t involve crying in the bathtub every week. Every single one of my coworkers is struggling. They’re taking side jobs, they’re living at home. One of them started a GoFundMe because she couldn’t pay her rent. She ended up leaving the company and moving east, somewhere the minimum wage could double as a living wage. Another wrote on those neat whiteboards we’ve got on every floor begging for help because he was bound to be homeless in two weeks. Fortunately, someone helped him out. At least, I think they did. I actually haven’t seen him in the past few months. Do you think he’s okay? Another guy who got hired, and ultimately let go, was undoubtedly homeless. He brought a big bag with him and stocked up on all those snacks they make sure are on every floor. 

I haven’t bought groceries since I started this job. Not because I’m lazy, but because I got this ten pound bag of rice before I moved here and my meals at home (including the one I’m having as I write this) consist, by and large, of that. Because I can’t afford to buy groceries.

Will you pay my phone bill for me? I just got a text from T-Mobile telling me my bill is due. 

Look, I’ll make you a deal. You don’t have to pay my phone bill. I’ll just disconnect my phone. And I’ll disconnect my home internet, too, even though it’s the only way I can do work for my freelance gig that I haven’t been able to do since I moved here because I’m constantly too stressed to focus on anything but going to sleep as soon as I’m not at work. 

If you could help me out, my PayPal is paypal.me/jimmyzee, my Venmo is jimmyzee (no hyphen). Square Cash is cash.me/$JimZee.

Thanks, bro.

Rogerio!!

You've been so generous in the past and I'm trying to raise money to get a plane ticket and funds for the final auditions for the 2016 season of American Idol.

I went to Disney World a few years ago and did the American Idol experience attraction at MGM. I auditioned and got on the show. They do 5 shows per day where an audience picks the winner of 3 performers. At the end of the day, they have a big show where the 5 winners compete for a Dream Ticket. 

The Dream Ticket is a pass to get to the front of the American Idol Audition Line. I performed and won the small show during the day, then won the final show at the end of the day, getting me the Dream Ticket. They don't expire and you can use them at any auditions. I thought I had lost it, but in a stroke of luck (and possibly fate), I just found it in my files at home.

This could be my last chance to do it and I can't live my life wondering,"What if?" I have this amazing opportunity and hoprfully, with your help, I can live my dream and live life to the very fullest!

Thank you for the chance!!

Hey Everyone!

As many of you know, I am a HUGE fan of ULTRA Music Festival in MIAMI. This will be my 14th year attending and marks my 2nd year moderating the Facebook group. I admittedly have put in TOO MANY hours running the group, making sure it is free from spam and trolls. It has been a lot of fun but it has also stolen a ton of my time. I am hoping that some of the friendships I've made will inspire people to be generous and help me make this trip possible.

Normally March is an abundant month for me but this year I am financially "running on fumes." I have spent the last 2.5 months recovering from a broken ankle, which has kept me from working. In this time I have used up all my reserve cash and now with my trip to Florida right around the corner my credit card bills are looming. I will use this money to pay for the flight, ticket, lodging and food for during the trip. It would be the best birthday present if I got a great response.

I will be eternally grateful to everyone who helps out and would LOVE to meet up with you and take some photos at the festival. Thank you so much for your support. <3

–Jimmy Zee

Roger –

I know why you haven’t returned any of my recent texts or direct messages. You don’t believe that I’m actually sick and I guess I don’t blame you. I can assure you, the cancer is real and I don’t have anyone else to turn to. I need $4,500 to help fund a trip to St. John where there is a shaman there who they say can pray the cancer out of me. Outside shot but I’m also told that when your prognosis is this bad, you gotta bucket list that shit, right?

I know I have no right to even ask but, in case you find it in your heart to help an old (31 years is now OLD!) college buddy out, my GoFundMe profile is linked below.

Jim

#Satire #Greedy assholes #Crowdfunding

[theliterateape]

When Crowdfunding Resembles Opportunism or The Greed in Your Ask is Getting Obvious

By Don Hall

I most recently joined the World of Crowdfunding with my new Patreon Campaign. I’m torn as, in general, I’ve seen far too many of these efforts resemble either a corrupt civil servant trying to raise money for bail or legal fees, someone desperately using it as a replacement for medical insurance or Ian Belknap using GoFundMe to help pay for an office space so he doesn’t have to deal with his kids at home while churning out pedantic screeds on Faceborg. 

Go ahead and Google “crowdfunding abuse” and the list is long and ugly.

When Angela Vela asked me to perform a piece about Greed for her monthly show The Seven Deadly Sins, crowdfunding abuse was my target.

Dear Roger –

I know I haven’t been in touch for a while and I apologize right off the bat for not reaching out to you when you got your new job three years ago or when you got married two years ago or when you and your wife had that baby last year. Obviously, you were in my thoughts but I never took the time to connect after college. My bad, bro.

Remember the time when we both got so drunk that we ended up streaking in the Dillons parking lot? LMAO! I barely do. Thanks for bailing us both out, right?

Anyways, I’m writing to you now because I’m kind of in a bind. I wrote some bad checks about two months ago—I totally thought I had them covered but the places cashed the checks before the date I put on them—I thought you couldn’t do that but apparently you can—and the bank is totally fucking me over. Thank god I’m living with my mom, right?

Seriously, is there any chance I could borrow, like, $450 for a while until I get this all straightened out? I’m good for it, bro.

If it is, here’s my Paypal account or you can just send it directly through Chase Pay.

Thanks.

Yo, Rog!!

Long time, no see, right? How’s the wife and kid? I hope great!

The reason I’m writing is to first, apologize for not getting you that $400 back yet. I know it’s been a couple years but things have been moving really fast around here and I’m thinking you’ll thank me once you see how I spent the money I owe you. If you think of it as an investment into something amazing, I’m sure of it.

I moved out of my mom’s house into her garage (I pay rent so it’s not like charity or anything) and decided that I was going to go into a brand new field. Yes, my degree in Contemporary Greek Philosophy is valuable to me but is not what a sustainable career is made of, right?  So I looked out into the world in search of my calling, right? And it hit me right in the jaw—social media. I spend a huge amount of my time writing funny things on Facebook and Twitter, why not parlay that into a full-time career? So...

I’m in Chicago now, and I’m going to take classes at the famed Second City Training Center. You know, the place that spawned the careers of Bill Murray, Stephen Colbert, that guy from the “Sledgehammer” TV show and the voice of Homer Simpson? I figure that a degree from such an esteemed comedic institution is bound to bolster my street cred with companies looking for clever and sarcastic social media responses so I’m currently enrolled.

Here’s the thing: the $400 I owe you went to pay for some of my first eight weeks but once I get my degree and a job writing the Funny Ha-Ha, I’ll pay you back with interest. OR...

Below is a link to my new Kickstarter Campaign to raise the money to pay for all 15 levels of Second City training. I only need to raise $22,000 for this and after all those levels, I’m pretty much guaranteed a spot on SNL which would be even better than writing for Facebook. LOL! Winky emoji.

Any amount is acceptable and you know I’m good for it. A donation of $500 will get you an autographed photo and front row seats at a live taping of SNL!

Thanks!

Dear Roger –

After Second City level 7 and my continued work at Boston Market, I wanted to die every single day of my life and it took me several years to realize it was because of the environment I was in. So, I picked the next best place: San Francisco, which is close to my dad, since we’ve never gotten to have much of a relationship and I like the weather up here. I found a job (I was hired the same day as my interview, in fact) and I put a bunch of debt on a shiny new credit card to afford the move.

I got the job thinking I was all set to write those funny quips on the company’s social media (I mean, I did have seven levels at the world famous Second City, right?) but I was told I’d have to work in support for an entire year before I would be able to move to a different department. A whole year answering calls and talking to customers just for the hope that someday I’d be able to make memes and Twitter jokes. But that’s neither here nor there. Let’s get back to the situation at hand, shall we?

So here I am, 27-years-old, balancing all sorts of debt and trying to pave a life for myself that doesn’t involve crying in the bathtub every week. Every single one of my coworkers is struggling. They’re taking side jobs, they’re living at home. One of them started a GoFundMe because she couldn’t pay her rent. She ended up leaving the company and moving east, somewhere the minimum wage could double as a living wage. Another wrote on those neat whiteboards we’ve got on every floor begging for help because he was bound to be homeless in two weeks. Fortunately, someone helped him out. At least, I think they did. I actually haven’t seen him in the past few months. Do you think he’s okay? Another guy who got hired, and ultimately let go, was undoubtedly homeless. He brought a big bag with him and stocked up on all those snacks they make sure are on every floor. 

I haven’t bought groceries since I started this job. Not because I’m lazy, but because I got this ten pound bag of rice before I moved here and my meals at home (including the one I’m having as I write this) consist, by and large, of that. Because I can’t afford to buy groceries.

Will you pay my phone bill for me? I just got a text from T-Mobile telling me my bill is due. 

Look, I’ll make you a deal. You don’t have to pay my phone bill. I’ll just disconnect my phone. And I’ll disconnect my home internet, too, even though it’s the only way I can do work for my freelance gig that I haven’t been able to do since I moved here because I’m constantly too stressed to focus on anything but going to sleep as soon as I’m not at work. 

If you could help me out, my PayPal is paypal.me/jimmyzee, my Venmo is jimmyzee (no hyphen). Square Cash is cash.me/$JimZee.

Thanks, bro.

Rogerio!!

You've been so generous in the past and I'm trying to raise money to get a plane ticket and funds for the final auditions for the 2016 season of American Idol.

I went to Disney World a few years ago and did the American Idol experience attraction at MGM. I auditioned and got on the show. They do 5 shows per day where an audience picks the winner of 3 performers. At the end of the day, they have a big show where the 5 winners compete for a Dream Ticket. 

The Dream Ticket is a pass to get to the front of the American Idol Audition Line. I performed and won the small show during the day, then won the final show at the end of the day, getting me the Dream Ticket. They don't expire and you can use them at any auditions. I thought I had lost it, but in a stroke of luck (and possibly fate), I just found it in my files at home.

This could be my last chance to do it and I can't live my life wondering,"What if?" I have this amazing opportunity and hoprfully, with your help, I can live my dream and live life to the very fullest!

Thank you for the chance!!

Hey Everyone!

As many of you know, I am a HUGE fan of ULTRA Music Festival in MIAMI. This will be my 14th year attending and marks my 2nd year moderating the Facebook group. I admittedly have put in TOO MANY hours running the group, making sure it is free from spam and trolls. It has been a lot of fun but it has also stolen a ton of my time. I am hoping that some of the friendships I've made will inspire people to be generous and help me make this trip possible.

Normally March is an abundant month for me but this year I am financially "running on fumes." I have spent the last 2.5 months recovering from a broken ankle, which has kept me from working. In this time I have used up all my reserve cash and now with my trip to Florida right around the corner my credit card bills are looming. I will use this money to pay for the flight, ticket, lodging and food for during the trip. It would be the best birthday present if I got a great response.

I will be eternally grateful to everyone who helps out and would LOVE to meet up with you and take some photos at the festival. Thank you so much for your support. <3

–Jimmy Zee

Roger –

I know why you haven’t returned any of my recent texts or direct messages. You don’t believe that I’m actually sick and I guess I don’t blame you. I can assure you, the cancer is real and I don’t have anyone else to turn to. I need $4,500 to help fund a trip to St. John where there is a shaman there who they say can pray the cancer out of me. Outside shot but I’m also told that when your prognosis is this bad, you gotta bucket list that shit, right?

I know I have no right to even ask but, in case you find it in your heart to help an old (31 years is now OLD!) college buddy out, my GoFundMe profile is linked below.

Jim

#Satire #Greedy assholes #Crowdfunding