#it is THEIR fault for not hearing you

[inkskinned]

in recent years, there's been a push in therapeutic circles to shift the language from "attention-seeking" to "connection-seeking" behavior.

i was an attention-seeker. i was the textbook example of an attention-seeker. i was a troublemaker. i would self-harm. i destroyed my own relationships. i was uncontrolled, dramatic, sensitive. i took everything personally. i had "nothing" to be depressed "about," but made a big show of how sad i was nonetheless. i was really unsafe about myself in a lot of ways.

the strange thing about that is: it meant others could ignore me. the prevailing wisdom behind knowing something is "attention seeking" is to say: well, since you want it that bad, you're not getting any. it meant i was lower-on-the-list of concern. it meant an eye-roll.

the belief was that: since i was obviously doing these things on purpose, it would be bad behavioral training if i was "rewarded" for it. it would "teach me" that i simply had to make enough fuss, and i'd finally get all that missing attention and love. no, it was better to ignore that stuff.

i was suffering. and it felt like - oh, it doesn't matter how loudly i am in pain, nobody gives a shit about if i'm living or dying.

awhile ago, i went through my journals from that time. a lot of them read the same thing. in them, i am convinced i am invisible. that nobody wants to hear me, to see me. that i could die or vanish and nobody would even notice. i didn't even want attention - not really - because it was always dismissive, mocking. nothing i ever did would be good enough to get someone to actually-worry about me.

that's a terrifying thing for me to read as an adult. that is a child who fully has no problem committing. that is a child who has no concept of feeling loved. the most basic human instinct is missing from her life.

i needed help. i didn't know how to ask for it. i was a kid. i was a kid in a bad home, and whenever i thought things couldn't get worse there - they almost always did.

and the ways i showed that - the ways i tried to deal with that - they made others dismiss me. i wasn't suffering prettily. after all, if i was really in trouble, why wouldn't i just march into the first counselor's office and ask someone to help me? i had the opportunities, right? what did i think would happen, exactly? that someone would finally stand up and do something? who even wants that kind of responsibility?

i heard connection-seeking for the first time about three months ago. my therapist mentioned it when we were talking about my history. it rang some kind of horrible bell, deep inside me. i don't know what she said in the rest of her sentence. i just started... crying.

"oh no", i said to her. "i think i just realized: i have no idea how to forgive them for minimizing the ways i was hurting."

how many other kids, though. how many other kids were out there drowning, snatching around for a lifevest, some kind of rope - how many were straight-up ignored.

how many of those kids aren't gonna get old.

#the thing i teach my preschoolers is #if something bad happens to u #and it hurts you #tell someone #and KEEP TELLING SOMEONE #UNTIL SOMEONE BELIEVES YOU #it is NEVER your fault for telling the truth #it is THEIR fault for not hearing you #if you are like me and ''attention seeking'' #please #if u can #GET HELP. GET THE HELP YOU NEED. #at some point we all have to do this on our own #it has to be our own personal work #but you DESERVE someone who will help you to do that work #a therapist a teacher a doctor whomever #YOU DESERVE HELP. #you deserve connection #and i love you #suicide implied #tw self harm

[ghostespresso]

staff logging on to tumblr dot com today

#staff sweetie i Promise you an algorithm would kill this webbed site #changing the way reblogs look/work would Absolutely kill this webbed site too #this is a Blogging Platform i dont want it to be like tiktok or twitter jesus #if you NEED to change something literally listen to the the Tumblr Users you pretend you cant hear #if money is what you need make your userbase Happy and you should be fine #the shop is fine blaze posts are fine ad free subscriptions are fine but dont get rid of shit that Works For You in favor of making money #someone really laced up their clown boots today im. so tired staff please dont #tumblr staff #EDIT: staff updated their original post to say we were all misunderstanding but #that doesnt stop the post from being stupid #the whole post was worded for Investors and then presented to the userbase #if you say 'we have big changes planned!' and dont put in the 'as options' its Your Fault that people read it as 'were changing everything' #staff isnt stupid. they know how they Should have worded it better than what they did #so yeah. someone Did lace up their clown boots before they hit post #edit pt 2 lol for the record i dont think tumblr would actually go through with all their changes in that post #they know how the userbase is and there are A Lot of us #i just dont like how? idk. condescending? the post sounded #and out of every place on the internet being being burned alive in the name of money #tumblr is the one place i know enough about to be Actually mad at lol #ive really liked some stuff staff has done in recent years #but talking to your userbase that way wasnt one

[hitwiththetmnt]

I’m stuck in traffic so that means I draw villain Donnie to pass the time

#Des this is your fault for talking about collars so much #I know it was originally about blurple au but I took it and ran with villain Donnie #my husband yes villain Donnie #I need to make more comics for villain Donnie #you hear me Des-I need more villain Donnie!!! #rottmnt villain donnie #rottmnt donnie #tw suggestive #cw suggestive

[rainboworm]

"wait did you guys ACTUALLY get attached???"

Aimsey my brother in christ you're the one who made your glorified cameo character a nonbinary pirate lesbian with top surgery scars, sick tatoos, lily of the valley symbolism, and a tragic romance with a rival pirate WHAT WAS I MEANT TO DOOOO

#/lh #aimseypirates #pirates smp #psmp #p!aimsey #bro casually whipped out the coolest character ever and killed em in the same stream smh #(/lh once againi know it wasnt their fault) #ALSO THEIR BIRD #THEY HAD A BIRD NAMED BIRD #CAN YOU GUYS HEAR ME

[amaraudermind]

Anyone else ever thinking about the constant nightmares Dick was having at the beginning of his solo in the nineties(in which he was Robin again and trying to catch a little boy who’s face he could never make out and was always too late) that culminated in the fear gas induced hallucination issue wherein there’s another faceless young boy who eventually introduces himself as Jason

And the dreams were subsequently never brought up again

The closest we got was the hallucination he had in his secret files where he spent the whole time talking to Robin

Because I am. I am thinking about it a lot

#dc #dick grayson #jason todd #the amount that dick blames himself for jason's death while refusing to blame himself for it is astounding. #i think about it so often #because like. he is NOT like 'woe is me if i had only been there this never would've happened' he's not sitting here like #i killed jason. this is my fault. #in fact it's far from it. outwardly everything i've read from the nineties he refuses to think about or talk about jason at ALL #we get these weird isolated moments where the ghost of jason's presence is obviously HERE but even then dick isn't acknowledging it #'there's a boy falling. i never see his face. he's calling out. i never hear what he says.' #'this kid who brings the newspaper is just a kid. i don't know him.' #'i am talking to robin. just robin.' #everywhere you turn dick is surrounded by the idea of jason. he's haunted by him. #but he refuses to see it. he won't let it in #jason is gone and dick can't bring himself to think about it. won't let himself grieve. #lets the guilt he feels about not being around for jason and not knowing about what was going on and not being on the planet #and not letting himself think about the situation or jason at all. lets all of that guilt eat him slowly. lets it fester in his mind #because he can't acknowledge it. but everything he does is because of it

[camelspit]

neverseen missed out tbh. as soon as they heard that someone accidentally flooded atlantis and got banished, they should have snatched up the song twins FAST. two powerful twins cast out by society with nowhere to go and no love for the government?? your recruitment office needs to get their shit together!!!

#yall ASKED for the black swan to snatch them up #you guys had years to talk to them and be like 'hey :) wanna change society?' #ENTIRELY your fault that theyre against you now #au where fintan hears about it and hunts them down and becomes like an awful father figure #actually. ok i meant that kind of as a joke but I would genuinley be intrigued by that. #kotlc #tam song #linh song

[yangjeongin]

good morning hyunjin!

#hwang hyunjin #stray kids #hyunjin #bystay #createskz #staysource #*gif #*ccarly #*hyunjin #*carly:hyunjin #not proud of how making this made me feel #delulu hours: open #please be my b*yfriend. god #i've been giffing you for two whole years i think i deserve this hear me out #no hyunjin it's not weird listen. hear me out. #anyway #these look kinda lq and that is my fault this time we sacrifice the quality in order to be able to actually see him LMAO #i'll probably make a 9 set from this later sometime when it's not past 8 am without me sleeping amen good night #*hits

[thankstothe]

#house md #gregory house #james wilson #hilson #screencap #s08e16 “Gut Check” #WRING HIM OUT #then check his guts or whatever #stop staring at each other's lips!!! i swear........ #hearing from house that you can't maintain relationships is gotta be crushing #(partially his fault but still) #longpost #long post

[youjustwaitsunshine]

anyways i genuinely and deeply believe that seb is one of the best, well-rounded, most talented racing drivers currently active and i think no matter where he was racing, he'd adapt within less than one season. he's incredibly versatile, everyone who has worked with him praises his quick understanding, intelligence and detailed feedback. he's a genius on track and seizes every opportunity he can and any team across all of motorsport recognizes his talent. so many other drivers know him to be courteous and friendly and so many racing series want to win him (and the fanbase and recognition that comes with him) to drive for them. It's clear that once a team is genuinely happy to have him and listens to him, he's a major force that very few other drivers could come up against.

#he's so completely charming #he's always kind to his fans. every time ive met him he's spent all the time he could and then some with fans and never seemed annoyed #he's so smart. on track like that pitlane overtake. off track on bbc question time #his racecraft is amazing remember when some car was crashed in/near monaco pit entry and he just whipped the car round into the pits? #or monaco 2021 #he cares so much and wants to know so much and just in general is so curious and interested.. #and another thing is how he grows from his mistakes and how he keeps learning #and he has his faults! hes a little bitch sometimes. he used to be super annoying towards female interviewers! #but he did grow from that and hes a much better much more conscious person now #and even in 2021/22 some stuff he said was badly worded and embarrassing to hear but he also learned from that and said it differently after #i jsut love seb so so much #embarrassing that hes been my beloved since 2010. or well if you only count the current hyperfixation flareup when i got properly back into #f1; then since 2019 #like i swearrr i have not hyperfixated on anyone/anything as hard as this man

[uncanny-tranny]

I totally get gendered petnames like dude, sis, bro, and whatever else, and I get why some people might be confused as to why some trans people might take issue with a petname you might think is neutral. However, I do want people to remember that trans people often have different relationships with those petnames because they're gendered, and they might be uncomfortable with those connotations. A trans woman who doesn't want you to call her "dude" is probably not doing it to anger or accuse you of anything, but she might just have a negative relationship with that word.

I get that it can be hard to change habits, but it is worth it to include trans people. If a trans person in your life asks you not to use certain words, I promise they aren't trying to fuck you over or make you feel like you're under attack. They are just expressing a boundary - one that cis people also express.

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #the example i gave is again just one instance of what i'm talking about #i can get why it's hard like... i use 'bro' and shit like it's a filler word and it's a habit of mine #however it isn't anybody's fault that i'm like that and i'm more than willing to stop using it for somebody #because it's like... that word is just a word to me and that means i can abandon its use at any time #and if not using it means that somebody feels included then fuck yeah i'm going to not use it #i just hear people weirdly antagonizing trans people for setting these boundaries and it's like... #...have you MET a cis person because they do the same things as trans people (it's just seen as more acceptable ig) #it IS annoying that people want to have the same conversations again and again and again #because ngl i only made this post because of the antagonism these trans people face for... no reason??? #they're literally going 'please don't call me [x]' and yet that is still too polarizing????????? HUH?????? #you'd think that that trans person like... ran a car through a bank with how they're treated but no... they're just stating a preference #and it's crazy to me because it's EASY to not do... because it's a non-action. and if you fuck up all you have to do is apologize #the hardest thing to do would be to watch what you're saying a little more but that's like... not a big deal???????

[roominthecastle]

Siegfried Farnon is based on eccentric vet Donald Sinclair, who Peter Wright worked closely with in his early career.

"You know, Donald died unexpectedly. And that morning, I remember the phone going, Jim Wight rang me to say Donald's died. Jim said, 'It's going to be a duller world without Donald Sinclair.' By gosh, it was. It has been."

#all creatures great and small #acgas 2020 #the yorkshire vet #samuel west #peter wright #donald sinclair #long post #mine #this was so much fun #and what can be a bigger compliment than hearing those who knew the guy your character is based on #tell you that it's almost like being in his presence again #i dont know sam and im sure he has his faults but he once again comes across as such a genuinely kind and good person #and it makes me so happy #and yes the beard is essential for siegfried but i love that face either way #still if he ever tries to go clean shaven on the show i hope audrey hides his razor w/ as much success as she hid his tobacco #and - understandably - it was skirted on screen but if i remember correctly donald took his own life after real-life audrey died #which i could def see happen (not that i ever wanna mind you) on the show as well given how siegfried was on the verge of going to pieces #and that was 'only' when she was about to move away

[koppaiterocker]

Oh you guys have no idea how much angst this single comment spawned in my head... If I was a fic blog it would be SO over

#someone please understand me i love brozone but i am also so unbelievably mad at them #what do you mean a performance goes awry and you leave A BABY. A BABY!! #yes rosiepuff was there. yes they left him thinking it was his fault #because the entire pre-show jd is LOUDLY SAYING EVERYTHINF HAS TO BE PERFECT #AND THAT HE ISNT ALLOWED TO BE NERVOUS #oh my god. brozones biggest hater right here #but not in the same way i hate other characters #but oh my god. guys #tears them apart with my teeth like a dog ripping up a pillow #wheres them apologizing to branch. for literslly anything #wheres them properly acknowledging rosiepuff died a few years after they left and he was alone #AND GREY. #Basically his whole life #can anyone hear me hello (yelling into the void) #koppaitepaladin #dreamworks trolls #trolls #trolls band together #beeps yapping #poppy “yap-a-lot” springwater here...

[the-real-list-of-ominous-threats]

I will make your weird masochist friend call you a tsundere and beg for you to hit him

#read the tags #this is entirely my own fault #i am very aggressive and use threats in real life just like i do on here #and to be fair i kept doing it after i found out because i crave chaos #i mean the whole situation is objectively really fucking funny so here we are #tw kink mention #figured I'd better mention that just in case #adam if you did decide to make a tumblr and follow me then uhhhh #sorry lol #i'm threatening people with you now because that's just how it goes #mod lore #(i feel so weird typing that but also i think it's an objectively funny tag) #(haha. i have lore.) #lizzy is going to see this and laugh at me #my friends know about this blog if they ever check it I'm never gonna hear the end of this one #because of the tags not because of the post itself #like to be fair i did once choke him to make him shut up. in hindsight i have no idea why i thought that was a good idea

[deservedgrace]

No hate like christian love is right.

One of the most upsetting sermons I've ever been to was when I was around 10 or 12. We had a guest pastor and he was preaching about love, and how much we should love god. In fact, we should love sky daddy so much, that we should literally HATE our family/friends/loved ones in comparison.

I can't even really tell you why it was so upsetting to me. Most people I tell don't think it's that serious and I just end up looking stupid for being upset. I don't think they realize how serious that guy was. But I was a child thinking about having to hate my family, my friends, the people I cared about in order to be a good xtian... and I knew I couldn't do it.

I think it was supposed to be framed as "we xtians have such a higher capacity for love than the evil heathens which means that we can love our neighbors more than them AND love god so much that it seems like we hate them in comparison but we actually don't, because our capacity for love is so much greater because of Jesus" and I was too young to "pick up on that nuance" or something.

But my capacity for love only got stronger when I left.

#i dont wanna hear 'you shouldn't have taken it so literally' I WAS A CHILD. AN ADULT I AND THE COMMUNITY TRUSTED WAS TELLING ME HOW TO LIVE #I'm so fucking sick of being directly and indirectly blamed for things ADULTS TOLD ME #i don't understand how it's my fault for trusting the adults i was told i could and needed to trust. like give me a break #sorry i interpreted things literally and was brainwashed as a child #I'm so irritated that people don't understand. and that my childhood self gets blamed every fucking time #personal

[chipistrate]

People really need to give Steel Wool a break sometimes, man- They messed up with Security Breach and now people act like EVERYTHING wrong with modern fnaf is all exclusively their fault when it's really not.

#Chip Chatter #especially when the issue literally WASN'T ATTACHED TO THEM AT ALL!!! #People really just say shit I stg #there's probably one person who'll think this is about one particular post #this post is a culmination of things #the twitter bs going on right now about modern lore and some people pinning all the blame on steel wool even though they don't write the #lore. A conversation I had yesterday with some people where one person kept blaming and shitting on SWS for the smallest of things #The fact that any time I try to talk about a small issue with modern fnaf in any fucking way I'll have people tell me shit like #“it's steel wool what were you expecting” regardless of if the problem was even their fault #and just generally people giving Steel Wool so much shit and most of the time it being over fucking nothing #Like I GET that Steel Wool fumbled with Security Breach oh my fucking god that was almost 2 years ago can we MOVE ON!!!! #They're improving!!! They fumbled one game and a lot of the factors involved weren't their fault anyways!!! Can we give them a fucking #break and just move on with the rest of the series already!!! I'm so sick of hearing people complain about SB when it's been almost 2 years #and Steel Wool is showing nothing but signs of improvement #Cough uhm anyways #of course you can criticize Steel Wool and I'm not saying they've never done anything wrong ever #just don't needlessly shit on them especially if the problem was out of their hands. #Rant over I'm going to bed

[areyoudoingthis]

it isn't about the crew finding out for me. the crew will eventually forgive ed because they'll see that he's changed and stede will want him back home, plus this is a comedy about found family after all

i need what izzy did to come out because ed isn't a crazy man who went insane and violent when his boyfriend left him. he's a man who keeps being revictimized over and over by the angry men in his life and who has never been able to fully escape that, because even as an adult the only way he found to escape was to build himself a facade of violent masculinity that effectively became a prison. and the one time in his life when he found softness and thought he could be allowed to be who he really wanted to be and not who everyone else has been forcing him to be since he was a kid, izzy stepped on him and showed him he wasn't safe at all. I need izzy's abuse to be addressed because i need to see ed heal and that bit's kinda crucial to it, to ed finally embracing the softness he's always wanted and learning that he is, after all, capable of giving and receiving love, that he isn't broken and the violence he suffered was never his fault, was never caused by anything being fundamentally broken in him

#okay I'm taking a nap cause I'm genuinely upset about this now and i need to step back #but i needed to get this out #because a lot of us are still experiencing the horrors and i think we need to hear this #izzy's role in ed's suffering wasn't minor #and an essential part of healing is hearing that you were in fact abused and it wasn't your fault #night night #(it's noon lmao) #ofmd spoilers #alex watches ofmd