#it just gives them more depth and clarity for their actions

[raionmimi]

I love your art of Setanta and Medb Lily, is there any evidence of them actually being childhood friends in the Ulster Cycle?

Short answer: Not exactly, it was just me piecing together timelines that are extremely vague and plot points that would make way more sense if fleshed out more. So I started making comics based on my childhood and kids I know for a surreal idealization that would be the catalyst for their problems when they fight in the war

Long Answer:

All that I know is that Fergus is 20-ish years older than Conchobar. Conchobar is older than Medb, who would have to have been in the 10~16 range and been officially married at 15-16. (I’m assuming she’d be about 17-18 when divorced because she was forced to bear an heir) Cú was 5 when he came to Ulster and about 7-10 when he left, but it’s never mentioned that the two talked to each other at that time since it’s not relevant to the story

But it would make sense that they met considering their relationship to Conchobar, who was Medb’s betrothed and Cu’s uncle. Even further, Cu’s warp spasm when he was 7 was stopped by Mugain, who was Medb’s sister. Meaning, Medb was probably there when it occurred, but there wasn’t a reason to mention her

Then in one story, Cú and his friends decide to get Medb and Ailill to be judges for their “Who’s the best warrior” competition. They figured they’d be the most fair, but this was prior to the war. How would they be familiar with the Connacht rulers since Cú doesn’t really spend much time with official political shenanigans? All three had to have known of Medb and Ailill before this event. Since Medb often hosted people from other kingdoms, namely Ulster, they probably have all visited her nation before

It all kind of leads back to Cú knowing Medb personally, which could give more emphasis and weight as to why he listened to all her demands/schemes and refused to harm/fight her in the war. It’s unknown if he knew what abuse was happening to her when she was married to his uncle or what his uncle did to her after they got divorced. BUT we do know his uncle directly confronted Cú and demanded him to kill Medb, and Cú said he refused to his face

Then you have Fate’s interpretation. Medb is treated more like a troublesome neighbor rather than a threat. Cú lets her off with a slap on the wrist more than anything. He tells you in a voiceline that Medb is one of the women he broke a promise to so he wants to be more reliable this time. Fate has never mentioned what promise he made Medb, even though you can guess what he probs promised Emer, Scathach, and maybe Morrigan. Medb says she wants to dominate Cú but she never does much to actually do that because there’s some invisible line drawn that she herself put down

In my brain, it makes sense that there is something connecting the two with an unsaid past. One that drives Medb to having mixed feelings about Cú (both hating him but not being able to leave him alone) and Cú to feeling like he has to be there for Medb. Something that neither really wants to talk too much about, and especially not with each other

The easiest connection would be them being friends at a young age when they met in the Ulster kingdom. They’re both lowkey unwelcomed as Conchobar abuses Medb for her refusal to yield to him, and he didn’t even want Setanta to join his army at first. He kind of hates and fears both of them. Makes sense for them to just be regular kids together to set up the dynamic change for later.

A shattered friendship is one of the most devastating things that could happen to a child growing up, and could easily warp to an obsessive hatred and lingering guilt. Leads to feelings like “You betrayed me,” “Why didn’t you take me with you?” or “I wasn’t there for you, I need to make up for it.”

I like tragicomedies a lot, so I think it’s the best foundation for both causing and healing the severe rift between them when they’re older

So no, there’s no actual source material that would outright say that they’re childhood friends, it’s just something that would make the most amount of sense when you go back and align the dots. At least to me in my brain

#tain bo cuailnge #magical college girl medb #retained memories #long post #i hope that makes sense #rip mobile users #I like creating happy memories of Lily and Setanta #because it makes Cú and Medb that much more tragic and angst ridden #like it’s one thing to be angry that a warrior won’t take you seriously in a fight #it’s another when it’s your old friend who pities you and won’t let you take out your anger on him because he cares about you too much #it just gives them more depth and clarity for their actions #they’re kind of a cautionary tale that parallels rin and shirou in a way I guess

[deception-united]

How to write a character who’s very much on the line between genius and madness ?

Thanks for asking! It can be pretty challenging to write a character who straddles the line between genius and madness. Here are some tips:

Here are some tips on how to create such a character:

Complexity of thought: Show that your character possesses a brilliant mind capable of extraordinary insights and innovations. They should have a deep understanding of complex concepts and be able to see connections others might miss.

Unconventional behavior: Have your character exhibit behaviors that seem eccentric or erratic to others. This could include talking to themselves, being intensely focused on their work to the exclusion of all else, or displaying unusual habits or rituals.

Intense passion: Give your character a fervent passion for their work or interests. This passion can border on or develop into obsession, driving them to pursue their goals with single-minded determination, even at the expense of their own well-being or social relationships.

Emotional vulnerability: Explore the emotional vulnerability that often accompanies intellectual brilliance. Your character may struggle with feelings of isolation, frustration, or inadequacy, leading to moments of intense despair or even rage.

Unpredictability: Keep your character unpredictable. They might have sudden mood swings or behave in ways that seem illogical or irrational to others, reflecting the unpredictable nature of genius and madness.

Conflicting traits: Show conflicting traits within your character. They may exhibit moments of profound insight and clarity followed by periods of confusion or irrationality, blurring the line between genius and madness.

Social alienation: Explore how your character's brilliance and eccentricities can alienate them from society. They may have difficulty relating to others or forming meaningful connections, further isolating them from the world around them.

Internal conflict: Highlight the internal struggle your character faces as they navigate the fine line between genius and madness. They may grapple with their own identity, questioning whether their brilliance is a gift or a curse.

Symbolism/metaphor: Use symbolism and metaphor to represent the internal turmoil of your character. This could include imagery of light and darkness, order and chaos, or the juxtaposition of brilliance and madness in their surroundings or actions.

Evolution & change: Allow your character to evolve over the course of your story. They may undergo periods of growth and self-discovery, coming to terms with their own complexities and finding a sense of balance between their genius and madness.

Remember to approach your character with empathy and nuance, allowing them to be more than just a stereotype. By crafting a multidimensional character with depth and complexity, you can create a compelling portrayal of someone who walks the line between brilliance and madness.

Happy writing!

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#ask #writeblr #writing #writing tips #writing advice #writing help #creative writing #character writing #deception-united

[polaroidcats]

On the Origin of Gayness – Are All Gryffindors Actually Gay?

(another pseudo-scientific paper by cat)

Abstract

This paper examines the question of Homosexuality in the Gryffindor House, drawing from previous research as well as collected samples and interviews with several acclaimed marauders scholars, using mixed methods. Much uncertainty still exists around the relationship between Gayness and Gryffindor, so in this paper I will once again commit to the bit and evaluate scientific scholarship on tumbler dot com for your education and entertainment.

Introduction

This research was prompted by my esteemed colleague and collaborator @lynxindisguise who revolutionised the scientific community by asking “what if gryffindor is just where you go if you’re gay [?]” (lynxindisguise 2024), daring scholars to “name a straight gryffindor” (ibid). Several highly esteemed scholars such as @plecotusauritus (2024) and @kaleidoscopexsighs (2024) agree with lynxindisguise on her thesis, @werewolfenthusiast (2024) even went so far as to comment that this "would explain a lot" while acclaimed marauders scholar @spindrifters is asking lynxindisguise to “pls”, not elaborating further what they want lynxindisguise to “pls” do, leaving the reader with more questions that this paper hopes to answer.

This paper systematically reviews the data gathered from the popular blogging website tumblr.com on this topic, aiming to provide more insight and clarity on the question of what I have coined “Gryffindor Gayness”.

The overall structure of the paper takes the form of two parts: the main part is 1 The Gryffindor Ideology, Theses on Gryffindor, focusing on the question of Gryffindor Gayness, providing an in-depth analysis and discussion of Gryffindor Gayness. Part 2 Can the Slytherins be Gay? can be seen as a call to action for other Hogwartian Sexuality scholars to consider doing research in this promising field.

1. The Gryffindor Ideology, Theses on Gryffindor

1.1 The Dawn of Everything: A New History of Gryffindor

This section of the paper aims to give a quick overview of the history of Gryffindor Gayness. The term “Gryffindor” tends to be used almost synonymous with “Serving Cunt”, which can be seen as synonymous for “Gay”.

To answer the question “What the hell is a Gryffindor?”, readers are encouraged to also familiarize themselves with previous works on this topic (cf. The Sorting Hat 1997, 2000, 2003; The Scarf of Sexual Preference 2009, 2010, 2012).

The Sorting Hat, leading expert in all things Gryffindor, has done extensive research in various closets, stating “I’m the Hogwarts Sorting Hat, And I can cap them all” (The Sorting Hat 1997), and “You might belong in Gryffindor, Where dwell the brave at heart, Their daring, nerve and chivalry, Set Gryffindors apart” (ibid).

To fully understand this, additional context of the song is important to note: whenever the Sorting Hat says brave or chivalrous, or daring, most scholars agree that these can be read as synonyms for “gay”, “homosexual” and “serving cunt” respectively. With this alternative reading of the Sorting Hat’s song, Gryffindor Gayness starts to make more sense, but in their later work, the Sorting Hat elaborates more on this, referring to Godric Gryffindor as “the bravest [the gayest]” (The Sorting Hat 2000).

@wanderingdonut (2024), a certified expert on vibes of all stripes shared insightful and important scholarship on the inherently homosexual symbolism of swords, and was the first scholar to draw the connection between the sword of Godric Gryffindor and Homosexuality, stating:

“as everyone knows, swords are the gayest accessory (the point is designed to penetrate? Please. And we all know everyone is gay for a woman with a sword), so really, it was godric who set everyone up for gayness.”

Further proving that Homosexuality has been connected to the House of Gryffindor from the beginning, as was intended by its founder. Wanderingdonut (2024) then goes on to say:

“There is nothing gayer than being bonked on the head with gayness at a deeply inconvenient time and Godric wants that for all his children”,

again stating explicit intent of homosexuality by the founding daddy of Gryffindor house, Godric Gryffindor.

Marauders scholar @fruityindividual also indirectly refers to Godric Gryffindor’s intentional mandate of homosexuality by describing the accommodations for Gryffindor students as having “cosy beds” and forcing proximity, thus leading to Gryffindor Gayness.

1.2 Gryffindor Trouble: Gayness and the Subversion of Identity

In this chapter I will give some examples for Gryffindor Gayness, illustrating why the initial assumption that all Gryffindors are Gay (cf. lynxindisguise 2024) is such an important, one could almost say revolutionary addition to this field of science.

1.2.1 The Weasley Family

The Weasley Family are one of the most prominent Gay/Gryffindor families, making them ideal subjects for this study.

Molly and Arthur Weasley have both been known to be into swinging, often asking couples to be their third and using rubber ducks in many creative ways, setting a good example for their many gay children (cf. polaroidcats 2024).

Fred and George Weasley are both known to have dated Lee Jordan at the same time, “Lee thought he was only dating one of them but forgot which one and was not brave enough to ask” (polaroidcats 2024), which makes Fred and George both perfect examples of that mischievous flavor of Gryffindor Gayness the Weasley family seems to be known for.

However one of the most prominent examples for Gryffindor Gayness in the Weasley family is the youngest child, Ginevra (“Ginny”) Weasley.

Wanderingdonut (2024) claims that “everyone is gay for a woman with a sword. Particularly if it’s Ginny Weasley with a sword”, calling her a “lesbian queen”. Similarly, plecotusauritus (2024) states that “Ginny had a new girlfriend every two weeks but it never got mentioned since it wasnt [sic!] important part of Harry's journey”, introducing not only Ginny’s tendency to fall into her parents’ promisingly promiscuous footsteps, but also highlighting an important aspect of her relationship with Harry James Potter.

@kaaaaaaarf (2024) elaborates further on this idea of compulsory heteronormativity in relation to Ginny’s relationships:

“That girl [Ginny] is a lesbian and I will not be convinced otherwise. I think half the reason her and Harry were drawn to each other is because they recognized (even subconciously) that the other gave off queer vibes, and therefore was a safe person to be with in a heteronormative society. I truly believe that eventually she met a woman and fell in love”

The Homosexuality of the Weasley family is well-documented and widely accepted among scholars of the field. One more example for this can be found in the next section of this paper, discussing the compulsory heteronormative tendencies of certain Gryffindors.

1.2.2 The Golden Trio and Compulsory Heteronormativity

In this section I will explore the parallels between Harry and Ginny’s relationship and Hermione and Ron’s relationship that I have found in my research.

Plecotusauritus (2024) raises the point of “Ron having a major crush on Krum” and elaborates that Ron eventually decides “that he was actually jealous of Hermione and not Krum, and commiting to the bit so hard they end up married (but will eventually find a way for them both to act on their queer tendencies)”, bringing up the idea of compulsory heteronormativity.

This sentiment is mirrored in kaaaaaaarf’s (2024) description of Harry and Ginny’s relationship, where the scholar states that “when [Ginny] finally talked to Harry about it [falling in love with a woman] he wasn't really upset at all. This sent him on his own spiral, realizing that he might not be as straight as he thought he was...”

When asked about favorite Gay Gryffindor moments, scholar lynxindisguise (2024) replied with: “harry being unable to talk about cedric or sirius without mentioning them handsoming [sic!] handsomely down the stairs”.

Likewise, the scholar kaaaaaaarf (2024) replied to the same question as follows:

“I think every time Harry made some sort of comment about how attractive other men were/his obsession with Draco. No straight person is that obsessed with their same sex arch enemy, I'm sorry.”

Scholar @greengrug (2024) also refers to Harry’s obsession with Draco Malfoy, stating that he “takes a permanent residence in the love-to-hate you part of the brain. Two powerful emotions combined to create an unwavering obsession that can't be forgotten.”

Greengrug (ibid) also points out the inherent heteronormativity of the love triangle between Harry James Potter, Cho Chang and Cedric Diggory, elaborating on Harry’s feelings of jealousy and mourning leading him to participate in the classic comphet ritual of kissing your dead lover’s ex girlfriend next to his picture:

“Harry is jealous of Cho being with Cedric! Why else would he kiss her next to his picture next year? Anyone else can see how horridly inappropriate that is. Clearly only a mourning gryffingay could be driven to that point.” (ibid).

1.2.3 The Marauders

Before evaluating the individual Gayness of each member of the friend group known as “the Marauders” (see also my previous work on their crying practises, polaroidcats 2023), a common thread in the gayness of all four members is, as marauders scholar fruityindividual puts it “the scantily-clad special alone times in the sheesh shed”, raising the important question of where the wizard’s clothes go when they change from their animagus form back to their human forms, an area that has been overlooked by science thus far. There is little to be known about it, but it can be assumed that most time any of the marauders has spent in the “sheesh shed”, as the expert calls it, must have been spent naked. Further research on this topic is encouraged. 

1.2.3.1 Sirius Black

The added context of Gryffindor Gayness allows for a much more interesting reading of Sirius Black being sorted into Gryffindor. Acclaimed Sirius Black expert plecotusauritus (2024) states that “deep down his [Sirius’] parents knew that this might happen. It was still bit of a shock to this notably straight family.”, referencing the Black family tradition of Slytherin Super Straightness.

1.2.3.2 Remus Lupin

Remus Lupin is one of the most interesting examples for Gryffindor Gayness, proving simultaneously that being Gay is and is not a choice. According to lynxindisguise (2024), Remus “chose gryffindor because he immediately fell in love with sirius on the train and then felt bad when he saw him get sorted into gryffindor and look scared”, proving that being gay is a choice. In my own previous research, I have stated that “Neville’s first crush was Remus Lupin” (polaroidcats 2024), to which spindrifters (2024) has since added the important addition that “remus lupin was also dean thomas's gay awakening”, stating that “there is canon evidence for this across like 3 books”, proving once and for all that being gay is not a choice.

1.2.3.3 James Potter

James Potter is another fascinating example of Gryffindor Gayness, because he was in what the scholars call a “bi4bi” relationship with Lily Evans, another Gryffindor Gay, proving that Gryffindor Gayness is inclusive of Bisexuality and possibly also other queer sexualities. Further research on this topic would be necessary to find a definitive list of sexual orientations that can be subsumed under Gryffindor Gayness, but James Potter and Lily Evans are probably most if not all of them at the same time.

1.2.3.4 Peter Pettigrew

Peter Pettigrew is still the nastiest skank bitch I have ever met, I do not trust him and he is a fugly slut. He was also in love with James and fandom would be all over that Gryffindor Gayness if Peter hadn’t been portrayed as unattractive, but that is a different topic for another paper.

1.3 Gryffindor Realism

This chapter illustrated different examples of Gryffindor Gayness across various generations and genders. There are countless more examples that I encourage scholars to explore. One could argue that there are also straight Gryffindors, but one would be wrong, all Gryffindors are gay. The last section of this paper examines the question of why some non-Gryffindors are also (seemingly) gay and provides further questions for future researchers to consider.

2. Can the Slytherins Be Gay?

The question of why there are also non-Gryffindors who are gay can be answered by referring readers to section 1.2.2 The Golden Trio and Compulsory Heteronormativity. Children are sorted into these houses at eleven years old, so some children might develop their Homosexual tendencies only later in life, or they might try and hide them from the sorting hat. Black family scholar plecotusauritus (2024) also raises the important point of Bellatrix Lestrange (née Black) threatening the Sorting Hat so bad that she got sorted into Slytherin instead of Gryffindor.

3 Conclusion

Previous studies of Hogwartian Sexualities have failed to identify the precise reasoning for students of other houses also showing signs of Gayness. In this article I hope to help close that research gap by focusing on Gryffindor Gayness, but further research into Hufflepuff, Slytherin and Ravenclaw Sexualities would be necessary for a more systematic approach. With more time and funding, I hope to address these issues in future research.

Future research questions that could be asked include “Why was Gilderoy Lockhardt in Ravenclaw?”, “Who are the Slytherin Super Straights?” and “What the hell is a Hufflepuff?”.

The most obvious findings to emerge from this research project are the confirmation of Gryffindor Gayness in all members of the Weasley family, the Marauders and the Golden Trio, as well as other Gryffindors, and the exploration of compulsory heteronormativity as a possible explanation for Non-Gryffindor Gayness, as well as atypical Gryffindor behaviour. Considerably more work will need to be done to determine the precise circumstances of phenomena such as Slytherin Super Straights, Hufflepolyamory and Ravenclaw Aces, and I hope to be able to do research on these soon.

#cat's highly profesh fandom science #gryffingays 2024 #HI I'M BACK TO COMMITTING TO THE BIT AND WRITING A 2K WORDS FAKE ACADEMIC PAPER ON A SILLY TOPIC I HOPE U ENJOY IT <333 #hogwartian sexuality studies #gryffindor gayness

[foranpo]

ੈ˚☆ their love for you as simple things.

fandom: naruto.

characters: itachi, sasuke, shisui.

reader: gn!

genre: headcanons.

content: fluff.

word count: ~400 each // ~1.2k total

cole's note: i don't think i have any braincells left so enjoy this and sorry for bad english !! <3 ily and you matter, don't forget that <3

ੈ♡˳────── enjoy the reading <3 ──────

˚ʚ itachi.

the serenity of existence.

peace enveloped you every time Itachi was by your side; nothing more than pure and simple serenity enveloped you in a deep mantle every time you were together. you didn't need to talk, you didn't even need to feel each other —just the certainty and knowledge that you were together, experiencing the same moment together, was enough for you to let yourself give in to the weariness of life and just exist. no promises or dreams were needed, there was no obligation in your relationship: only the presence of the other was required.

there was a depth of your love that was rarely spoken about: the way your hearts came together as naturally as magnets attracting, the way your souls gave themselves to each other without any fear of rejection or hesitation. there was a level of depth to your love that was enviable: the way your love was written in the most ancient constellations, already lived hundreds of times in different past lives, the way your passion was written by the most romantic poets that existed in every eternity.

your love was tranquility, the embodiment of clarity and serenity, just white lights lighting your way together, the most beautiful flowers spreading in a carpet of comfort and peace that would last for all eternity. nothing more than pure existence, the small pleasures of life, the total serenity of a reality that was adorned for you by all the gods and stars to guarantee the eternal duration of your love.

“just five more minutes. let me be in your arms just five more minutes. just let me savor life's pleasures for another five minutes. because, when you leave, I'm sure all the darkness in the world will fall on me suddenly, taking away all the peace you bring me. when you leave, i will cease to exist and i will live, all the horrors and challenges of life will trample me without mercy, because i no longer have you to soften all the existing scandals in this life. just five more minutes for me to exist. just five more minutes for me to immerse myself in the serenity of existence before submerging myself in the torment of reality.”

ੈ♡˳─────────────────────

˚ʚ sasuke.

the curiosity of the sun peeking out on a foggy day.

each day came with a new opportunity for Sasuke to love you; curiosity drove Sasuke's actions, looking and searching among so many books and conversations for something that really made sense for your love story with him. he was looking for comfort in love, wandering through emotional labyrinths, carried away by the certainty that, at the end of that ball of complexities and confusions, you would be there to receive him.

it was as if a new light had entered your life, a clarity that dispelled all the fog that enveloped you without you knowing it. new experiences were brought with Sasuke; in the midst of shyness and uncertainties, almost carried away by the power of the clouds, you couldn't feel Sasuke's love right away —he appeared calmly, a little afraid of all the new emotions that had enveloped him since the day he met you; but when the clarity entered your hearts, when all the fog cleared, you could feel the warmth of Sasuke's affection, you could feel the comfort of the unique way he loved you.

simple good mornings masking breakfast dates with you; long walks wrapped in the natural silence of the world giving Sasuke the excuse of holding your hand to prevent falls; smiles too shy and quick to be remembered by you, but always so beautiful and natural for you to be able to admire them in mere seconds. Sasuke's love for you was shy, curious, a path to explore which he knew would be rewarding; for, if you were the object of his study, only passion could arise from Sasuke's learning.

“I'm still learning. and honestly I know I still have a lot to learn. but I feel like you've already taught me a lot, you've already taught me enough for me to know what I really want, what I really feel. however, I feel there is still a lot of room for learning —and for error. so I ask you. bear with me, please. I want to learn everything about you, about us. you gave me courage so that I could deal with a feeling so strong, so brutal, so frightening. you gave me hope and made me believe I can be loved and I can love someone. but above all, you gave me an opportunity. an opportunity to learn and grow alongside you. and that's what i need. of you and your patience. for i promise the whole world will be yours if you teach me everything i need to know about you, about us, about love.”

ੈ♡˳─────────────────────

˚ʚ shisui.

the freedom of the most beautiful dove.

Shisui's love for you was purifying, a breath of fresh air in the midst of so much darkness that corrupted your soul without you even giving it permission to consume you; Shisui's love for you was enchanting, a shining light in your darkness, a symbol of hope you yearned for all your life; Shisui's love for you was eternal, brought by the brightest stars, lulled by the most beautiful flowers, sculpted by the heart of someone born only to love.

you felt freedom in his caresses; the way his slender fingers caressed your face, wiping away all temporal traces of melancholy clinging to your imperfections; the way he, so delicately and naturally, painted your skin with the affection and desire using the passionate inks of the most romantic gods who once wished to have someone like Shisui by their side.

there was passion and fire in Shisui's touch, fountains of poetry slipping through his lips like the wildest rivers, just to remind you over and over how inspiring it was to love you. because he could have brought you hope on the wings of the most beautiful dove, but it was you who gave meaning to that word; you were the one who reminded him how sweet it was, how tender it was, how captivating it was to love someone. you, and only you, the owner of the freedom that Shisui always wanted to achieve, the bearer of all the light that he so desperately needed —for everything you saw in Shisui was nothing more than a reflection of what you yourself offered him.

“you. you who gave me the pleasure of wandering in this life, yearning for tomorrow, dreaming of a future. it was you who brought hope to my heart, the comfort of vulnerability. you are liberating, a breath of fresh air, a light breeze that carries me on the wings of a love that I never dreamed of feeling, let alone living. I feel like loving you is not enough, with everything you've brought into my life —but if that's all I can do, if all I can do is love you, then I'll do it. I love you. deeply.”

ੈ♡˳───── feedback is appreciated <3 ─────

#;naruto constellation; #sasuke x reader #itachi x reader #shisui x reader #sasuke headcanons #itachi headcanons #shisui headcanons #sasuke fluff #itachi fluff #shisui fluff

[lindisworld]

Close || Matt Murdock x Reader

summary: Soulmate Au! In which [Name] has Daredevil as a soulmate and Matt unwillingly wants [Name] in his life. However Fate does its job and always brings them together.

Chapter six.

After Brett took care of Frank, who was passed out in the cemetery, and briefly put Matt in handcuffs. Matt’s only priority was getting to [Name]. It had taken awhile for Brett to let Matt go, almost convinced he was helping the Punisher.

Matt soon rushed towards the direction of [Name]’s coffee shop faster than he had ever before, his thoughts scrambled, he couldn’t focus on anything or anyone no matter how hard he tried. He had let his emotions overtake him causing his senses to become overstimulating. The whole city on blast, why is Hell’s kitchen bustling this time of night?

Time felt like an eternity, each second stretching out into an infinity of its own. Everything around him seemed to move in slow motion, as if the world was operating on a different frequency than he was. His heart pounded in his chest, his breath ragged and labored as he pushed his way through the crowded street. In the moment, nothing mattered, not even when his legs were screaming at him to stop and rest. He just needed to be there with her. He needs her to be safe.

Matt didn’t understand the depth of the soul tie, he couldn’t wrap his mind around it. Was life this cruel to give him a soulmate after all he’s been through? Matt’s been over exerting himself for the past few days in hopes he wouldn’t have to think about it.

What felt like forever ago, he reached the coffee shop. He tilted his head slightly, attempting to focus on anything that might be out of the ordinary. He heard a couple of voices that led him to the back of the building, Matt distinguished two heartbeats but none that belonged to [Name].

“The girl isn’t here. She might’ve went home.”

“Notify Finn. Let him know we’re on the way to her apartment.”

“We’re gonna have fun with her.”

Before the guy could call and do anything further, Matt came from behind. “You aren’t going anywhere near her,” he spoke in that deep raspy voice. His hand clenching around his baton, throwing it at the guy’s temple that knocked him out instantly.

“The devil protecting a dumb girl. Stupid choices lead to bad consequences.” The guy snapped at him, drawing out his gun, aiming the weapon at Matt. “I suggest you leave me alone before you die right here.”

Matt shook his head in a dismissive manner and let out a laugh, “Oh. I’m not dying today, but I know you are.” He responded, clarity in his voice that hinted at more than just confidence. Matt knew that second when the man pulled the trigger, immediately getting into a close range, disarming the man within seconds. Matt's movements were a dance of controlled grace, each action calculated yet fluid.

“Son of a bitch.” The man spat out, “i’m gonna kill you, asshole!” He threatened, he leaned forward and aims a punch towards Matt’s face, but Matt’s quick reflexes allowed him to block the shot. Matt returned the attack and punched the male on the cheek.

The air crackled with tension between them, one man wanted to shed blood but the other wanted to get to his soulmate. The silence that followed was deafening, broken only by the sound of heavy breathing and the low hum of distant traffic. Matt stood his ground, his jaw clenched tightly as he stared down his assailant.

“C’mon man, I’m just trying to get to my lady. I wanna have fun with [Name].” The man casually spoke, a shit eating grin appearing on his face. Only if Matt was able to see, he might’ve broken his moral code of the no deaths while Daredevil. Yet the tone of the guy was enough to send Matt over the top.

“Didn’t your mom teach you not to play with the Devil.” Matt said before closing the distance, his hands that turned to fists colliding with the guy’s face. His knuckles turning white with the force of his emotions. As the fight unfolded, it was evident that Matt's actions were not merely fueled by anger, but also by a sense of protective instinct, a primal urge to shield against the threats about [Name].

—————

Yet meanwhile, [Name] laid uncomfortably in her own bed, her blanket wrapped around her body like a cocoon. Her blanket covering her entire face except for her nose so she can breathe. [Name] felt the stress of knowing who’s behind all the murders that’s been happening throughout Hell’s Kitchen, it definitely made her an accomplice, even if she didn’t partake in it, she still knows about. Now if anyone were to find out, she’d be in deep shit. A part of her denied it because why would a random man who’s named Frank be the Punisher?

She believed they were friends so why would a friend of hers be a murderer? Was she out of her mind for not being scared of him? She honestly thought she should seek some help because a normal person wouldn’t be reacting how she did when Frank admitted it. A rational human would have immediately went to the police and reported it.

[Name] tosses and turns around the bed, her mind clouded. It’s like she couldn’t find a proper position to fall asleep in. Maybe it’s her guilty conscience telling her to do something about the matter. She groaned loudly in frustration, she should’ve banned Frank when he first didn’t pay a coffee, although she did tell him it was on the house. Since then, she refused any money from him, so it definitely was her fault. It’s not like she knew.

All these scenarios going through her head, but there’s no way she can go back in time to fix it. However, if she became friends with the Avengers or more specifically, Tony Stark. She might have a chance to create a time traveling machine, but hey, that’s a long shot. There’s no hurting anyone if she sent a quick dm to Tony on Instagram about her idea.

“No, I can’t do that. Things happen for a reason.” [Name] spoke to no one in particular.

[Name] unraveled herself from her blanket, sitting up with a scowl on her face. She rubs her face harshly, a tired yawn escaping her. She swings her legs to the edge of the bed and began walking towards her kitchen. She rummages through her cabinet and grabs any bowl that was there, reaching over the table to pick up the cereal box.

After setting her bowl of cereal onto the table, she heard a knock from her front door. It was 2 am, who would be knocking this time of night?

[Name] tiptoed where the knives were placed on counter, she reached out and selected the sharpest blade, feeling its chilling edge against her trembling fingers. A sense of dread washed over her as the knocking at the door grew more forceful, sending shivers down her spine.

As she approaches the door closer, she could hear their heavy breath as they muttered something that sounded like her name. [Name] knew deep down that she was incapable of inflicting harm upon another, let alone taking a life. This was her karma for not going to the police about Frank, she thought. Now she got some random person knocking on her door.

“[Name], I know you’re in there.” Wait, the voice sounded a bit too familiar.

“Matt?” [Name]’s voice wavered out of fear.

“No, it’s Daredevil. I need you to open the door. It’s urgent.”

[Name] quickly scurried to the door, knife still in her hand. Even if she knew it was him, she couldn’t take the chance of letting her guard down. She unlocks the doorknob, opening up the door slightly ajar so she could get a clear view of Daredevil.

“I could’ve swore you sounded like an acquaintance of mine,” [Name] laughs nervously, allowing Daredevil to walk in. The voice sounded way too close like Matt’s. However, the idea quickly went down the drain since she’s spoken to Matt quite a few times and her tired mind couldn’t recall his voice at the current moment.

“I can tell you, I’m the one and only, sweetheart.” The stupid smirk of his appeared on his face as he walked through the door as he stood close to [Name]. “There’s no one like me.” Matt cockily added.

“Don’t you think it’s too late to be visiting and for you to be acting like that?”

Matt simply shrugged, his smirk still plastered on his face. “You’re not going to kill me, right?” He asked, his finger pointing to the direction of the knife in her hand.

[Name] closed the door, making sure to securely lock it. She knew it probably seemed she was going to murder the Daredevil, but considering it was 2 am, she rather lock the door than keep it unlocked. Even though she did have Daredevil in her house and needed any protection, she’d just hate if something were to happen in her apartment. [Name] pays a good amount of money to live here and God forbid, a burglary or other serious crime happens in her own home.

“Can’t be too sure, you know?” You replied as you walked over to the kitchen where you left your now soggy cereal on the table. “Considering you made me leave my cereal and it’s soggy now, I might have to commit a crime.” [Name] sighs and throws away her bowl, already lost her appetite from the sudden scare.

“You’d attempt to kill the vigilante that protects Hell’s Kitchen over a bowl of cereal?”

In a quick second his usual smirk went into a serious straight line. [Name] spoke too quick about her apartment as Matt swiftly grabs her out the way. A bullet going through the window that was in direct sight of her from the outside was shattered within seconds.

A/n: Was not proofread, i’ve been slacking on writing 💔 this goes out to @bullseye-devil

#daredevil #foggy nelson #karen page #matt murdock #daredevil fanfiction #matt murdock x reader #daredevil x reader #marvel

[kijosakka]

dramaturgy; celebrity manhunt, pre-london -- im going to make it easy on myself and skim through pre-london first, as the most divergence in this AU happens during and after the fact. part of pre-london is the pre-season itself, the celebrity manhunt special.

so action comes and goes, noah gets out of the season and remains as chris’ PA for the year break. in that time, months before it actually happens, chris finds out about the new season (with producer word both pushing for ‘more drama/engagement’ or smth along those lines, and *noahs actual involvement this time).

while something something contracts might prevent him from just outright telling noah, i’d imagine that he’d all but say there’s going to be a new season and heavily imply that noah wont be able to get out of it this time. not only that but he also implies that maybe noah should give opening up to people on the show a chance,, cause, yk, hes about to be stuck on a jet with them,, for weeks,,

of course, noah is pissed at first. but in so many weeks or whatever he begrudgingly accepts it and just resolves to throw it like usual. as for the ‘opening up to people’, he lands on owen.

owen was nice enough, genuine to a fault and the person least likely to use any of noahs bare slivers of vulnerability against him. hes safe.

[*noahs involvement within the show as something that the viewers are very interested in. he could be ratings gold and they know it.]

now im a little bit torn over the whole ‘chris’ assistant’ bit; similar to the awakeathon i would imagine it might just be missing entirely and he would be fired before the fact. or it could happen, as a way to give his on-screen character some information. as a ‘look everyone, i have Depth. stop prying into my life please’

either way, whatever. *total drama dirtbags show up, chris locks them out of the venue, they dont win any awards, bus chase etc.

^ note here, per usual noah comes off as his usual uncanny self around the cast. sierra is there as well, im sure thats Something for her. however he does take notice of one (1) alejandro burromuerto, recognizing him and focusing on him. < this comes back during introductions, where he notes his behavior towards the cast.

[*total drama dirtbags existed as the original ‘new TD season’ that noah found out about and worked on for a little bit before he finds out that it was not in fact a real show and a coverup for something else (a grab for an extra contestant for WT) < hence, he knows josé from interviews/auditions he helped with, but doesn’t know alejandro since he decided one brother was Enough]

^ and just for extra clarity on the TDD thing bc ive kind of muddled it, say noah finds out about dirtbags, helps out whatever. and then the news breaks that its a fake phish for a new contestant for an actual show — fine enough, he’s already behind the cameras, so he can just stay there, right?

no, actually. its kinda just slung at him that he has to be part of the cast (smth smth his job is threatened under ‘contractual obligation’ like its not wildly unconscionable). and he is soooo pissed off, so incredibly angry at the circumstances he’s landed himself in somehow.

< but he is aware that he cant just bottle everything up because it will spill over; chris said he needs something to his character, so maybe he can funnel his anger into playing the game a little more. as the most outlet he’ll get before he can throw it and just be done with the show entirely.

^ and then,,, alejandro.

while the actual events of pre-london remain largely unchanged, his dynamics are changed with the presence of four different variables: alejandro, izzy, owen, and sierra.

alejandro i’ll get into more later with a longer post detailing what they think of each other mutually, but im gna touch on alejandro a little; with picking off team victory and believing heather is the only person who’s noticed his facade, he just,, doesnt really distinguish noah as a threat worthy of focusing on.

^ throughout the game and the events of, he does single noah out as the most tolerable of all his teammates but doesnt offer much intrigue beyond that until *new york. (to note, he’s a lot more comfortable with [oblivious to??] noahs detachedness than the rest of the cast since that empty demeanor is p common among whatever diplomatic events hes been a part of)

izzy is someone who’s character i established mostly in the long post i had about her?? but it is worth mentioning now though that she does stick very close by to noah throughout her time on the show, and routinely interacts with him where most of the cast had given up trying altogether.

^ it builds,, a kind of rapport between her and noah?? in some way after the fact he’d recognize it as a nice, ‘i-want-to-know-more-about-you-and-also-befriend-you’ thing, but during he reacts more like a yowling cat tbh. he’s built up this reputation and facade that make people stay away from him, and now izzy wants to stick around him and threaten his defense mechanism? no thanks. (< further reasoning for why he belays insults towards her during WT under the guise of his own facade)

owen is a special case — in the bus chase before the season, noah took the time to sit by him and build up the proper beginnings of a friendship, which owen is thrilled about < during his time on island, owen was really fond of noahs quips and ‘just wished he would open up a bit more!!’,, he thinks some friends would b good for him and hes right

^ and again, owen is noahs safest option to 'endear' himself to the audience with a friend. hes so genuine and understanding of where noahs projected character falls flat, and like izzy keeps interacting and wants to interact with him where the rest of the cast gave up (and noah the person becomes very fond of owen and the reprieve their friendship offers him very quickly)

and finally,,, sierra. i actually want to talk more about the Audience as an entity in this AU in a later post and sierra ties into that heavily. as established, noah is the one cast member she just doesn't know anything about. of each blog she runs dedicated to each member of the show, his is the emptiest; the most baseless. being in proximity with the man of mystery is exciting!

^ noah still comes off as very uncanny valley to sierra and his detachedness is immediately clear. but the key difference to her and and cast is that she has the Audience perspective --- he's intriguing moreso than offputting. (and also theres definitely Something there about the meta-analysis of panopticon as an in-universe topic and how sierra would relate/connect that once it becomes clear to the cast why noah acts as he does)

[*new york (same time space as the aftermath?) as the moment when sierra prattles off information about the cast but comes up with nothing on noah that his own interest is piqued just a liitle bit, and he starts building a proper relationship up with noah as the straightmen to the cast. < also come after london is something he looks back on as a Hmm. moment wondering what noah knows about himself.

^ alejandro does believe their rapport is one-sided bc of his own facade, which i want to mention simply bc he's wrong. it is no-sided. both of them r faking.]

now getting to the episodes themselves -- minor changes/additions:

in the yukon, he doesn't try to cuddle bridgette

^ also in the yukon, he shivers less visibly than the cast (think when in cold weather you get those microtremors that really fucking hurt after a few seconds). this is only because it feeds into the android joke-turned-conspiracy for the folks watching on the aftermath set

in new york, he was not actually asleep in the carriage nor did he explicitly pretend to be. he just Kept Quiet when heather did her thing

in germany, he doesn't go up to alejandro when he falls off the platform, but he does prompt owen to ask something along a similar line [to his canon ones]

in the amazon, he's the one to point out owens absence

in paris, the line of 'this totally works on my dog' he changes to smth like 'totally works on dogs',, for his own exercise of privacy really

in the space of the jamaica aftermath, he again disappears from the rest of the cast à la playa des losers save for owen. owen gets a hello during mealtimes and hes the only one.

and finally, the episodes of 'significant' development with noahs intrigue in alejandro:

beginning before any real events of the show during introductions

^ kicked off in germany similarly to canon, emphasized by newfoundland and the grab for DJ's alliance

and cemented completely [his interest in unmasking him] in jamaica, continuing onward with london around when he discovers that alejandro is acting skittery towards him because of his own suspicions

#i definitely meant to go more over the actual episodes and events here #but somehow got possessed and wrote all of this instead #i genuinely dk what happened. i blinked and had 1.5k words of whatever This is #i really need to copy paste all of these posts onto one document and try to organize it properly hmm #if theres any inconsistencies pls tell me but also be nice :( #i feel like i muddled a lot of things here hmmm #dramaturgyAU #total drama #td noah #total drama au #< scary have i tagged that before #i re-read this and had grammar changes but looking at it i cannot be bothered umm. sorry

[pillsandumbrellas]

Could you please go more into depth about what you mean by use your emotions to conquer your emotions instead of rationalizing them?

I'm no doctor or specialist in psychological or psychiatric matters or pertaining to any neurological science at all. Thusly please take everything that I say with a mound of salt. As human beings we have this fantastic ability to assign labels to each and every thing that exists or for that matter doesn't, I've found. These labels are much stronger than paper stickers; they come in the form of feelings. Some are evolutionary and inexplicable some are learned. The way I've come to best utilise this labeling mechanism is by loading my brain with these negative and positive prompts when it comes to things I want it to enjoy and things that I want it to dislike. These aren't your simple "This is bad don't do this. Remember how fat you got last time?" Those really don't work, because your brain isn't stupid or simple. You have to understand how fear and reward work. Our brain hates cognitive dissonance with a passion. It doesn't like when we confuse if we hate or enjoy something. How can something give us dopamine while still making us upset? Our brain can justify that as a "not a big deal, so it's fine" since we don't do anything to change it to be more violent of a response. Now what is a more violent response? How do I spurn vitriol towards things so that we don't do them again because our brain understands they're bad? I correlate them with things that absolutely disgust me. I correlate them with myself and channel pure and utter rage towards them. Every negative feeling I hate; I channel towards the object of my ire. The most gut wrenching, anxiety driven feelings and thoughts. For example, I hate spiders, I am deathly afraid of them to the point of paralysis. When I think of certain foods, I've trained my brain to start thinking of spiders. I don't go near these foods anymore or even think about them purely to avoid the mental imagery. I have different assignments for different foods. I do mental exercises all the time to keep these afloat. Then on the flip side, towards the opposite, I channel all the positive. I assign the best feelings of happiness, hope, and clarity. The best memories I have, the things that really make me happy. Whenever I eat celery for example I'm reminded me of the smell of the ocean and the scenery and one of the best memories of my childhood. I can feel the warmth of the campfire burning and I'm instantly in this cozy space. I love celery. Did I before? Noooo. I loathed it. Now it's a comfort food. Please remember that I in no way am sanctioning brainwashing yourself. I'm answering a question in regards to what I do to exercise control over my actions. I don't know if this is right or wrong and I'm not encouraging anyone else to do it. These are just my experiences.

#tw ana diary #tw restriction #ed not ed sheeran #@n0r3xia #tw ana trigger #pro a4a #@na trigger #tw disordered eating #tw restrictive ed

[archivalofsins]

Let's just barrel through these what's the last question I discussed again-

Oh, yeah the third.

How many in are we now? Eight- There's eight now. Gunsli what exactly have you been doing? Honestly I've been working on the ocmilgram with Star and also watching Utena. Outside of that I'm going to level with you all. I'm actually bored with Kotoko's interrogation.

These questions are like the worst of trial two. It's like no one even knows who Kotoko is as a character. So, let's break down why I feel this way while emphasizing what I meant when I said if a person tells you who they are fucking believe them.

(Editted: 04/02/24 2:00pm For clarity and to add extra information that was neglected due to the draft glitching out like several times and me just wanting to be done.)

Q.04 How familiar are you with the other prisoners' changes?

Kotoko: Wouldn’t you know more about that? What I have is just from things I’ve observed and a bit of prior knowledge. I’ve been collecting information on criminals for a while after all.

I'm going to try to be brief with this question because all the ones after this go rather in depth. So, here's a list of all the times Kotoko has expressly stated that she's gathering information on the prisoners as she goes.

Kotoko's Trial One Voice Drama,

"Guard-san. No... Es. Don't you want to join forces with me? I think the two of us would make good partners."

Join forces with you?

"With you, in the role of the Prison Guard with the information that you gather from interrogations, and me, in the role of Prisoner with the information I gather from my daily life here- Working together and sharing our findings. What do you think?"

Kotoko states from the beginning that she will use her position as a prisoner to gather information on the other prisoners.

Basically, offering to be a mole for Es or go undercover. Pretending to be just another prisoner while secretly having an alliance with the guard and feeding them information on the others. Now it's up to personal opinion whether she's good at that or not. Especially since she completely throws that idea to the wayside in favor of being hired muscle as soon as her behavior is validated.

However, she does blatantly admit that she doesn't know much about the prisoners which is why she plans to observe them or has already started observing them in some cases. As she flatly states that she's already been observing someone.

If you're going there, then I'll ask. When did you sneak into the interrogation room? Even if it's true that you saved me, I don't remember promising to forgive you for that rogue-like behavior.

"Is that so? Then I'd like to ask; is Milgram purposefully designed in that way?"

Designed that way as in... Letting prisoners do what they want?

"You should be the one to know about this. The cells here don't even have locks."

I... should know?

"For example, me being suspicious of Mikoto Kayano's actions, carefully tracking him and his behavior, it's all under your permission."

Then the information she gives Es within her first voice drama to prove how useful she could be is all stuff she and the audience were capable of observing through Milgram.

21/10/26 (Kotoko’s First Trial)

Kotoko: ……come, Es. Let’s fight together.

"Heh..... It seems like, as always, you're a stubborn one."

Say that again, why don't you.

"Haruka Sakurai. There's more vigor to his actions than before. Although he comes off as weird and immature, it appears that he now has a budding interest in the conversations of those around him."

21/04/19 (Futa’s Birthday)

Haruka: U-uh, um, Futa-kun! Um! Um!!

Futa: Huh? Shut up already… Didn’t I already say not to make a big fuss about my birthday. I’m not some kid who gets excited by stuff like that anymore!

Haruka: ……?? Ah, er, i-is it your birthday……? Th-that, ah, um, h-happy birthday……

Futa: ………… You will tell nobody about this conversation.

21/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: Haruka-kun, are you awake……? Happy birthday.

Haruka: M-Mu-san? I… I-I’m awake…… Th-thank you, very much. I’m… glad……

Mu: ………… Shall we talk? You know, recently I’ve been pretty interested in you.

Haruka: ……!! I-in me…? Hehe, hehehe…… interested, in me.

1/09/02 (Yuno’s Birthday)

Haruka: Y-Yuno-san. Good morning! T-today’s your birthday, right……? Ha-happy birthday……!!

Yuno: Oooh…… Thanks? You’ve definitely changed a bit huh, Haruka. You speak a little louder now, and actually look people in the eyes when you talk.

Haruka: Eh, ah, i-is that so…… I wasn’t, aware of it myself, but...... Heh, hehe. Is that so.

Yuno: Ding ding! My sensor is telling me…… this is probably a girl’s influence. Well, everyone here is slowly changing, I guess. Even me.

...

"On the outside, Yuno Kashiki doesn't seem to have changed much. However, I think her habbit of going along with others all willy-nilly is fading out. Or maybe the real Yuno Kashiki is only starting to reveal herself now."

21/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday)

Mu: Yuno. Don’t you have something to say to me?

Yuno: Huh? To you? Me? ……ahh, uh? Your birthday, right? Happy birthday~

Mu: How mean… Since it’s my birthday, I really wish you’d said something before I had to come and tell you myself.

Yuno: Right, right, I’m sorry. I’ll be more careful in future~ Later! Haha… things have become even more of a bother… ……so was that Mu-chan’s real personality, then? It’s probably because the guard did something, right?

Hey, what kind of performance is this?!

"Futa Kajiyama has definitely undergone a major change. He's now lashing out at others less and less, although he's justifying and defending himself more than ever-"

21/01/17 (Mahiru’s Birthday)

Mahiru: Fufu, it’s a special day today. I can’t help but feel something good’s going to happen.

Futa: What’s with all the muttering to yourself. It’s creepy.

Mahiru: Geez, you really don’t understand, Futa-kun. You’ll never have a proper romance with that attitude!

Futa: Who cares. Obviously this is because today’s your birthday. It’s just the day you happened to be born, it doesn’t mean anything. Here, I’ll give you my tomato, so just shut up and eat it. That’s your birthday present, so be grateful.

21/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Mikoto: ……ah, Futa? What’s up? Did you come to celebrate my birthday?

Futa: Hah!? Like I care about your birthday. ……what’s up with you, though, you’re usually a lot more excited. I thought you were the sort of idiot who’d make a big deal over your birthday.

Mikoto: Yeah, usually that’d be the case. ……I think I must be getting tired. It’s like I’m anxious over something but I can’t really explain what it is…… Like, the feeling that I’ve been totally wrong about something. Haha, but it’s not like talking to you about it is gonna do anything.

Futa: Yeah, yeah, just like you say. Talking to me about it isn’t gonna help. ……but, it’s not like I don’t get what you’re saying. Or rather, I understand exactly what you mean. And if it’s the same thing as I’ve been feeling, then it will just get stronger as time goes on…… probably. But anyway, rather than talking to someone like me you should go and bother the others. Go and get showered with their stupid birthday wishes.

KOTOKO-

"Heheh... Have you realized... That following their interrogations, all of the prisoner's actions and intentions have gone on to change?"

Literally every detail she brings up about the prisoners in her first voice drama are things that were covered and alluded to within the portal timeline conversations that took place before her trial. One of said interactions concerning Futa directly involving a man she admits to stalking. So, she more than likely overheard that interaction.

Oh, but now from this answer we know that she had some prior knowledge, isn't that interesting?

NO! Of course, she'd have fucking prior knowledge and got damn it I'm sick of bringing this up but-

Kazui states in his first voice drama

"Murderous, huh...? Well, I won't deny that."

Mm? You’re acknowledging it, huh?

“I do. At the very least, I believe I’m a murderer. And I regret it. Not that there’s any use to that remorse.”

“Use to your remorse”…?

“Putting that aside, what even is your source of information? I don’t think there are many people other than myself who would consider me a murderer.”

What do you mean?

“For example, why would someone gather a bunch of acquitted murderers together and try to make them repent?”

It's confirmed through articles in Deep Cover that Kotoko was in fact taken to court for her actions and acquitted. This makes it more likely that even though Kazui states what he's giving is an example it's more than likely what's actually occurred and he's just being indirect to see how much Es actually knows.

Considering that there were articles on Kotoko's case there's a chances that their are articles on all of the other prisoners cases as well. Except unlike Kotoko who genuinely feels she has done nothing wrong and any decent person will agree with her and has no issues displaying that information because of it. The others have rightfully avoided disclosing hard information on the cases they've been involved with more so focusing on their subjective feelings on the situation.

Yet, we have allusions to there being consequences for their actions outside of Milgram from the beginning.

This is seen in the board from After Pain,

Brought up in Kazui's first voice drama and written interrogation,

"I don’t think there are many people other than myself who would consider me a murderer."

Q.08 Which do you prioritise between logic and feelings?

Kazui: I put my feelings first and it ended badly. So, I don’t want to act just based on feelings again.

Q.13 Who do you want to see right now?

Kazui: They won’t see me anymore.

This is also shown through the ending of Bring It On.

So, if one has been paying attention to all of the prisoners stories her having some prior knowledge wouldn't be surprising or new information either. Kotoko is shown getting all her information from online and even looking into articles pertaining to her own case where her name isn't mentioned. It isn't hard to believe while looking into stuff for that she came across articles on the other prisoners cases as well. Especially since she states this in regards to Futa,

Q.09 Which of the other prisoners do you think resembles you the most?

Kotoko: That’s a hard one. I’m only able to answer based on my guess on what they did. But I think the one that probably resembles me the most is Futa? Though he’s also the person who resembles me the least.

If the other prisoners cases were like hers and their names not mentioned within articles discussing them than it's no surprise she can only guess what they may have done.

Yet if she was looking into cases similar to her own and came across Futa's that would add depth to her wanting to see what his justice was and her taking a bit of an interest in him from the start.

Q.05 How do you deal with evil that can’t be bested by strength?

Kotoko: Force it so that it can. No matter how long it takes, no matter what means I’ll need to use.

If she can't use her excessive violence in broad daylight because there's a chance someone will stop her- She'll wait and watch as a crime happens just so who she wants to hurt is by themselves when she attacks and no one can interrupt.

Hell, she'll even go home and change clothes then come back instead of helping immediately.

Then she'll say she caught the person in the act of abducting a child and they got into a scuffle to cover her own ass.

From the beginning Kotoko has shown the sort of person she is. She hasn't covered it up in the slightest. Of course, if there's a situation where she can't use force, she'll simply create one. She showed the audience her doing this three times already.

We see her do this in Harrow then she does it over the course of the intermission as well.

Though most importantly in my opinion she was introduced to the audience while doing this. From the beginning Kotoko has made her dislike of Mikoto incredibly clear.

20/07/01

Mikoto: Hey, hey, Koto-chan. I’ve been thinking this ever since I first heard your name, but don’t you think the names “Mikoto” and “Kotoko” kinda sound like siblings?

Kotoko: No.

Mikoto: Don’t say that! Let’s get along well from here on as the Koto-Koto combo!

Kotoko: I’m not doing that.

20/08/03

Mikoto: By the way, Koto-chan. Who’s stronger between you and Kazu-san? You both know martial arts, right?

Kotoko: ……if it was a fair one-on-one fight, probably Kazui.

Futa: Isn’t that obvious? What a stupid question. There’s no way a girl could win in a fight against a man. This is real life, not a manga. There’s too big a difference in body size. And that’s what determines the weight of your attacks.

Kotoko: ……Futa’s not entirely wrong there. In a lot of martial arts, they specifically split up divisions based on body weight for that reason. I’m bantam, and he’d probably be either cruiser or heavy. Well, I’d still break an arm or two though.

20/10/07 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Mikoto: ■■…… gh…… Gah…… ■■…… aaa…… nh…… ■…… ■■■■■……!

Kotoko: …………hm. Have you finally calmed down? Kayano Mikoto.

Kotoko: ………… So you want me to wish you a happy birthday? I don’t really mind, but is that really something for you to be saying to me?

Mikoto: You’re the last person I need to have the whole group. If there was just one person left it’d be bugging me all night and I’d never get to sleep, right? At times like this you have to abandon your pride and just say something, right~?

Kotoko: Ok, here you go. Happy birthday. ……if this is what will help you sleep soundly.

Mikoto: Oh, thanks! Now I don’t need to worry~

21/08/13 (Mikoto’s First Trial)

Mikoto: Ugh… ow, ow…… Ahh, first I get stepped on, then I get kicked, what even is this……

Kotoko: ……welcome back. How was it?

Mikoto: Ah, Koto-chan, I’m back. Honestly, where do I even start!? Just look at this lump on my head! It’s huge! I don’t even remember what happened, but this is violence!

Kotoko: Hm… How unfortunate.

The Second Trial Teaser Movie

"What do you think? Does it hurt? Purge complete. This is the appropriate punishment."

22/12/15 (Kotoko’s Birthday)

Mikoto: Ah, Koto-chan. It’s been a while. Both of us have kinda split off from the group, but how’ve things been? A lot’s happened, but fr now let’s try to get along. I mean, it’s your birthday today, right? I got the feeling nobody else was going to do anything, so I came to celebrate.

Kotoko: ……how carefree. It doesn’t matter, a villain like you won’t be forgiven next time either. And when that time comes, it’ll be the end for you. I’ll make sure of it myself.

Mikoto: Ahh?? Just try and do it, you nutjob. I’ll crush anyone who hurts me…… You’re gonna be totally beaten at your own game……! [TN: The word “me” here uses first person pronoun “boku”.]

Kotoko: Hm. The border between the two is getting a lot vaguer. Your entire existence is a crime. And I will see you’re punished for it. That is what Milgram, and Es, and I have chosen.

Double

Why, why, if only I were never born, if only- Why, why, I’m so sorry.

Deep Cover

"Don’t remember a thing, not a thing, poor Me poor Me."

Kotoko First Trial Written Interrogation

Q.14  Are there any prisoners you don’t get on with?

Kotoko: Mikoto. He’s loud and bothersome.

She even admits to stalking Mikoto outright in her first trial voice drama and disliking him from the beginning.

"For example me being suspicious of Mikoto Kayano's actions, carefully tracking him and his behavior. It's all under your permission."

In deciding whether to forgive or not... One has to observe the human nature...

"It's something like that."

Because she had her suspicions about him. Because he was annoying and loud. Because she doesn't think he should even exist. Which is why she says this to Es in regards to saving them in her first voice drama,

"What's this, staring at me with that expressionless face of yours?"

Last time... Thanks for watching out for me.

"Heh, I should be the one thanking you."

Because it was never about helping anyone. It was about making sure the people she doesn't believe should exist stop existing. If it was ever about protecting anyone she would have intervened as soon as she saw a crime in progress not just stand by and let it happen until the person she wanted to attack guard was down the most.

Because as she continued to say-

"Everytime death comes the soul moves forward."

"I want a reason for judgment execution, I want it."

"So make yourselves my reason."

"Becoming light-headed again, it all becomes crazy. The normalcy sought for, Fading away, Everytime death comes The soul moves forward."

"I wanna perpetrate, the justice I’ve been looking for. I wanna crush, that nasty destiny. So ridiculous, so ridiculous. Come on, rely on me, go on."

In order for Kotoko to commit the justice she seeks, to enact violence she wants to while feeling vindicated in doing so a victim is needed. Whether that victim is currently being victimized or was victimized earlier doesn't matter as seen through the second man she jumped in both Harrow and Deep Cover.

In Mikoto's first voice drama Es filled the same role that the child in Deep Cover did.

All these "weaklings" were and always have been are an excuse for her to do something she already wanted to do. It doesn't matter how hurt they get in the process because the more hurt they are the more vindicated she can feel.

Q.06 Don’t you feel scared of killing people?

Kotoko: If it’s for the world. How I feel about it is completely irrelevant.

This is basically a reiteration of her first interrogation question 12 and her second trial glitched voiceline.

Trial 1 Written Interrogation

Q.12  What is your motto?

Kotoko: “There’s no other way that could let us live, so I walk this path.” [TN: Quote from Mushanokouji Saneatsu.]

MILGRAM / The Second Trial Character Voice Trailer [Full Ver.]

"From the beginning I've never asked for your understanding! My actions, one by one, are bringing Earth closer to peace. Useless Weaklings should just shut up and let me protect them!"

Q.07 Why did you choose law school?

Kotoko: Because I have my suspicions. That’s the majority of my reason to why I chose to study it. Cause it’s unsightly to spout complaints without having proper knowledge

This sentence while it may make sense as a translation is a bit clunky in English to me. So, I asked @doctorbunny about it and he graciously broke it down for me.

疑問があるから = gimon ga aru kara = because there are/I have doubts

学びのきっかけなんてそういうものたし = manabi no kikkake nante souiumono tashi = That's my excuse/motive for wanting to study/learn [law]

ろくに知識も得ないまま。文句だけ言っているのは 醜いではく = roku ni chisiki mo enai mama. monku dake itteiru nowa minikui dewaku(?)

The question mark there is indicative of his uncertainty on the last kana in this phrase. However, he stated the sentence can still mostly be read as-

"Not knowing enough but still complaining [about something] is unslightly."

This was how he ended up translating her answer as a whole,

Kotoko: Because I had some doubts about it. That's my excuse for wanting to study it. I think complaining about something you don't fully understand is disgraceful.

I personally find this way of translating it easier to comprehend. Plus it aligns with her annoyance during this interaction with Futa,

20/06/06

Futa: Ahh...... This is really pissing me off. I can't believe they won't let us have computers or phones in here...... Don't they understand our human rights? I'm gonna ask them for better treatment.

Kotoko: Human rights for murderers, huh...... Well, it's not like there aren't any facilities that are like that. For example, in Norway, the Halden Prison allows its prisoners access to computers. Not only do their cells not have iron bars locking them in, but apparently, they're even allowed to return to their houses and go out shopping. Even compared to this place, it's very lax. But as a result, the rate of second offences in Norway is the lowest in the world......

Futa: Ahh. Yeah, Norway! That famous thing they have there! It just shows they respect their prisoners' rights. On that point, you can really tell Japan is lagging behind the rest of the world. Because all our politicians here are just idots.

Kotoko: ......I'm the idiot for expecting to get a reasonable debate here.

Kotoko gets upset not only because Futa just agrees with her outright but because she engaged in the conversation with good faithat all. Thinking that he'd know at least a little bit on what he was complaining about. Outside of just spouting surface level nonsense. This is why she immediately blames herself and not Futa.

Along with why she says this in her first trial written interrogation-

Q.09 Which of the other prisoners do you think resembles you the most?

Kotoko: That’s a hard one. I’m only able to answer based on my guess on what they did. But I think the one that probably resembles me the most is Futa? Though he’s also the person who resembles me the least.

Along with showing a genuine interest in him within the portal timeline as we discussed before-

20/09/18 (Futa’s First Trial)

Futa: Haa…… haa…… Ok……

Kotoko: What’s up, Futa. ……your breathing seems a bit uneven.

Futa: Huh!? I’m getting ready to fight. That guard is looking down on all of us……!

Kotoko: ……hmm. Is that so…… I’m looking forward to it. To seeing what your “justice” really is.

However, we see in Deep Cover and through her first written interrogation that she was not impressed by what she found.

Bringing back the cocky hero again? How embarrassing.

She admits that she and Futa are the most similar and dissimilar. They are dissimilar because she finds the way Futa does things childish and at times not going far enough. She find it's embarrassing trying to act like the hero who blows the horn of justice, gives out warnings, and stops when apologies are made.

"Now let’s be reasonable. We are the ones that blow the horn for justice We will punish you down, this is a warning."

It's not out of line to think that she'd find his way of implementing justice a bit naieve. Their first trial songs even contrast eachother lyrically to better highlight these differences in opinion and methods.

"All evil hypocrites should disappear I won’t stop until you say “sorry”. Now let’s begin to hunt down the liars."/ "It’s a tie after saying sorry? What are you hoping for?"

"Fuck it! You won’t be forgiven, it was stupid licking each other’s wounds Justice assemble! Till the end!"

Q.02 Have you heard of the ‘Justice Alliance’?

Kotoko: What. I don’t know what that is but it’s probably useless if they need to band together to achieve justice.

"It was stupid licking each other’s wounds." - "Oh no, surrounded, lynched by the masses!"

"Pressure, pressure! Applause receding far away. Me, the result of blame-shifting, no, can’t find that funny. With just one mistake and I’m out of chances Bless me, please, with one more chance. It’s not even my fault, not even slightly."

"Everyone else was having fun weren't they? What about them? Why is it just me?"/ It’s probably useless if they need to band together to achieve justice.

"Let’s keep on winning till the end- Assemble! Assemble!"

Q.06 Do you remember the name of the person you killed?

Futa: I think I remember. I saw it a lot.

Q.16 Do you have a lot of online friends?

Futa: I don’t know whether they count as friends or not. There are people that I can get excited about the same stuff together with, but I don’t know if I can really call them that.

Q.09 What do you think about the first trial’s results?

Futa: You and me are the same, aren’t we.

"Pick up your mouth-piece."

"Grind your teeth and strike a pose."

"Just like O2, burn yourselves into oblivion. Burn, burn! Open this door and check if you want to I’ll deign to hear your last words if you want, a vanishing FIRE."

Tangent aside-

Kotoko has shown that she likes to know what she's talking about before discussing it. At least that's her own understanding of herself.

This is how she misleads herself into believing she's being objective. However, like Yuno pointed out in her second voice drama Kotoko is the type to come to conclusions without discussing things with others and then act on what she's concluded.

She's the sort to form an opinion first then go to look into the subject only to find justifications for what she'd already assumed before going in. She's a cherry picker.

The Cherry Picking Fallacy is when a person or group carefully and purposefully only picks out and puts forth facts that support their point while conveniently omitting anything outside of that.

It's something that many people in fandom spaces should be used to. Since those within said spaces have been known to do that with the media they discuss. A good example of this is the post I made on nuance a while back and how it's basically used as a blanket statement term to belittle and discount genuine discussion around a media or it's characters. This extends to calling any discussion around a character that is not praising said character misogyny, misandry, sexist, homophobic, racist etc. A bunch of real things that can impact fandom in a myriad of ways but are not applied equally when discussing a media. Regardless of what media it is.

These terms are usually reserved for a select few topics of discussion within the space in order for certain diehard fans to go stop being mean to my fave. Sure, I may not do anything about these issues in real life and it may seem like I don't care how my obsession impacts real marginalized individuals but stop saying mean things about my favorite little projection box please.

That's how Cherry Pickers are they don't care about how well you state your point. Because they've already drawn a conclusion about you or the subject you're discussing and are only looking for ways to prove themselves right through whatever way possible. Even if they have to force it. Even if they have to make shit up. Even if they have to say the group or person who made the media made it wrong.

It does not matter. They do not care. They will say whatever and pick out the tiniest thing from what you said to get mad about. Because they decided before coming into this they were mad and you were wrong. So, that's how they're going to behave. They're going to be mad and state that you're wrong. The only thing you can do is decide how seriously you're going to take a person like that.

Logically Fallacious Lucid Philosophy

A cherry picker will see ten times something has failed each time someone brings up a time it has worked.

Kotoko is the same exact way when it comes to law. She's already concluded that it's flawed. She's just looking for more ways to highlight how.

This is shown off within her first voice drama.

"Yuzuriha Kotoko, twenty years old. I'm a university student, but I dropped out. Thinking of it now that the interrogation's started, I'm still not planning to tell you much about myself."

Excuse me?

"At least not before I know what your intentions are."

Hah? What in the world do you mean?

"I'll confirm this with you once more. Milgram... Everyone in this place is a murderer, right?"

Of course. Milgram says all ten of you are murderers. This is Milgram's unshakeable first requirement.

Kotoko introduces herself and bluntly states that she has dropped out of law school. Over the course of her first trial voice drama she ends up alluding to why this is.

Then bluntly states why in her first written interrogation,

Q.07 What did you study at university?

Kotoko: Technically, I’m studying law. I’m on a break right now because there’s something else, I want to do, though.

This time instead of saying she dropped out she says she's on break because there's something else that she wants to do which is taking priority. Given the change in her wording here it is possible that the verdict had an impact on how she viewed attempting to continue school. Casuing her mindset to move toward ways to correct the issues with the law within the system, instead of working entirely outside of it.

It would be a subtle change but it is one none the less.

However, this may not be due to the verdict at this point at all. She could have this view on the law simply because it's aided her in getting away with the things she's done in the past. It can be used to justify her previous actions in the situation she finds herself in now too.

Since Kotoko also brings up the law to defend her actions to Es later on in her first voice drama claiming what she did was justifiable self-defense. A lot of the prisoners in Milgram fall back on their old habbits when defending themselve from criticism in Milgram now. The series has highlighted this as well as it possibly can. Kotoko's first voice dramas being one of the best examples of this. We'll go further into Kotoko's first voice drama in the second part.

"To conclude, I've come up with a hypothesis. I think this is a place with the goal of determining the good and evil of the truth."

The good and evil of the truth?

"Is it really necessary? Ignoring the World's pre-existing methods of judging evil, going through all the effort to gather up this group of murderers, questioning whether or not they have sinned? We're told that we are prisoners, but we are not restrained and are even given the right to roam this place freely. What's the point in prying into their true nature to judge them?"

...

"Even if you think otherwise, Milgram has to be the result of someone who considers the modern judgment of good and evil unsound."

You're not wrong. Milgram doesn't rely on the law as a basis. It's the same with my judgments... All this time, I've been finding my own basis...

"Hmm~ We can really work together."

Kotoko states that she can really work together with Es once they admit to her that they aren't judging the prisoners based off the law but their own feelings. Once she is told the system she has stated having her doubts about isn't a determining factor within Milgram she's quick to relax. Even going on to state.

"This is a really unbelievable, unreal place. But personally, I don't find it that bad. It's even helped me reduce my workload."

Then elaborating further,

"Heh, I want to be like you."

"I refuse to tolerate sin."

Just don't refuse to wait for the next part of this post. Because this one has too many images! Unlike the second part of that Amane post this is literally almost done. While with the Amane post... You know when you start something and stop midway then like forget everything due to life shit- So, it's just in limbo always at the back of your mind ringing a little bell like task not completed to the point that you don't know how you'd live without that over your head.

The second part of that Amane post is at that point. I'm so afraid of touching the part two draft of that one. That I just don't anymore but literally this other thing is mostly written. I literally just had to transfer it to a different draft from this post because this one went over the image limit. I have been writing this all day.

I am not paid for this; I am very broke... This is a labor of love. Please if you have issues with this don't take it up with me just write your own post. I've been writing this since eleven am, it is thirty minutes past midnight, and it isn't completely done. So yeah, this is what it is for now. I'm gonna keep trying my best to show my appreciation and interest in this series in my own way.

Hopefully, everyone else can do the same.

I am going to pass out now.

#milgram #kotoko yuzuhira

[blysse-and-blunder]

in lieu of a long weekend

10pm, sunday, oct 8, 2023

it's canadian turkey-day tomorrow ~ it's windy and grey outside ~ there is pumpkin pie in the fridge and i'm wearing an extremely pleasing wooly sweater my housemate was going to give away. we've turned the heat on for the first time this season. the cozy season of the year has arrived.

reading finished victoria goddard's whiskeyjack, book 3 in the greenwing & dart series! reading this series for me is an exercise in noticing the easter eggs that tell me it was written by a medievalist, and an academic, and a medievalist academic with a degree from the program i'm currently in. there's so much in this particular volume about poetry analysis. she came so close to using the word 'semiotic' and actually did use the phrase 'exoteric.' while i might have quibbled about things like pacing and plot and how i still don't always think first-person is a good fit in the hands of most authors, these books are like tailor-made for me. i can't not enjoy them.

and then on the other hand, i spent some extremely happy hours this past week with patrick o'brian's post captain. when i first read the aubrey books, i was probably in high school, fresh out of racing through the hornblower series. because the aubreyad is-- i'll be honest-- better writing, but also demands more of you as a reader, i fully didn't appreciate like 80% of this book. i knew the series, as much by osmosis as by actual time spent reading, and reading it now? felt like coming home. especially since i now have the attention, and the ability, to read between the lines. to pick up on the irony, the allusions, the humor, the misdirection! the women oh my god how did i not appreciate sophie, diana, or mrs. williams before now. i didn't mind before how little of the larger world and society made it into the movie, but i actually understand the griping now. but even more than that, i found the ship action and actual, like, battle extremely tense and interesting this time; i was up well into the night at one point just to see what would happen next, because i was nervous for my dear boys.

watching friday night double-feature with @hematiterings where we enjoyed the first three new episodes of Our Flag Means Death and finished with another two of netflix's Arcane: League of Legends, which we're probably going to finish fairly soon so i'll focus on that one. just quickly though, had a great time with the first new ofmd episode, just extremely good work from all involved, and then was weirdly not as into the second two-- though the end of ep 3 was back to grand. i think in general i like where the season is going, and i'm going to withhold further comment until we've seen some more.

i was not expecting to like arcane as much as i have been. didn't have a clue what it was when we started, but the art style has absolutely blown me away. here's a quick run-down of the animation, which is a mix of hand-painted digital, 2D, and absolutely gorgeous. it looks like a video game and a painting at the same time-- not in the same way spiderverse combines animation and illustration, but with some familiar elements. people's eyes have this amazing jewel-like depth and clarity? scenery that made us go 'oh, paris looks so nice!' and 'man i love cyberpunk' and other such witticisms. but seriously, if you like good animation and also art nouveau-inspired steam-punk aesthetics, there's a lot here. plus a good (dare I? could league of legends be good, actually?) tragic story-line, and enough twists that i haven't seen coming, to really get me curious about what comes next.

listening a long time ago, probably back in 2021 around the time of the most recent album, i think @mankillercalledbunny was sharing playlists or links that featured The Amazing Devil, and at roughly the same time i had a spotify playlist include a track or two for me, and now here we are. had their two albums "ruin" and "the horror and the wild" on all week, which made it a bit hard to read at times because i would get caught in the lyrics. this is exactly the kind of music two people who met at the RSC would make, it is dramatic, sort of gothic, sort of folky, sort of theater. the contrary motion, the interweaving voices, esp. in the chorus of "marbles", is where i've been living recently. i like knowing this about joey batey, i like that he has this extra dimension now when i see him as jaskier! i hope he can find a way to come back to it again, whenever.

playing i finally (after how long!) got the wizard's ink well - witch's pendant - goblins (??) quest in stardew! not a hard one at all, but so satisfying to be able to use that hint that had been hovering there in the library for the past, oh, real-world year or so. i'm like 50 pieces of hardwood away from getting the ferry up and running too, and i'm excited to move off of the plateau i've been on and open up the next level of the world.

making i mentioned the pumpkin pie up top, and it did turn out well this year despite a distracted me happening to leave out the butter when mixing the filling-- i noticed before it got into the oven, luckily, and was able to add it in! but...while it was in the pie crust, which was kind of sloppy. no nicely pinched or braided crust for me this year. and then, since the size of can of pumpkin you buy here is always a little too big for the recipe, i tried out the smitten kitchen pumpkin bread that many friends have recommended before, and that has been a delight. moist without being dense or heavy, but still very substantial? a little bit less sugar than the recipe called for, and no freshly ground nutmeg, but we did have fresh ginger and overall it is very nice. it also rose architecturally, which was maybe a function of it being on a higher rack? or of me miss-counting scoops of baking soda? anyway, hilarious.

working on working on consistency. working on momentum. working on not getting in my own way. draft of this conference paper due 10/26, slides and notes for this guest lecture due 10/25, and the chapter abides. the conference paper serves it directly, however, which i feel good about. i keep finding new things to read about, and keep being glad i've continued researching, since i'm coming up with excellent (it feels) material to work with, but i can't let that get in the way of actually. writing.

#in lieu of a commonplace book #ilcb #weekly roundup

[misscammiedawn]

50 Days of HypnoFetish - Day 10: Trance Edging

Alignment: 95% Top. Sunrise gets 5%. As a treat.

CW: trance language to start this entry

Don't fall into trance.

Just focus on me. On my words.

Hear my voice. Sense my presence.

Look into my eyes. Feel my grip on you.

Notice how heavy your mind is becoming, so quick and so easily.

Don't. Sink. Don't. Drop.

Just listen. Just focus. Just follow...

Maybe you'll start realizing how much your mind already finds itself guided down towards that familiar trance sensation. Perhaps it's a freeing feeling of weightlessness and clarity or maybe it's a blank and empty feeling of heavy mindlessness.

Either way. Don't fall in to trance.

---

I love doing this to a particularly susceptible partner and there is no one more susceptible in the world than @soveryverytired - I have joked I want to create a class for conventions that is designed around the idea of introducing the Sleepyhead Scale of susceptibility as a parallel to the Esdaile State of depth.

Sleepyhead is so susceptible that Goddess actively trains me to be more like her as part of my conditioning--

So when you find yourself as someone who prides themselves on their technical knowledge and skills in hypnosis, how do you keep your skills sharp when you only work with people who would drop at a sharp gaze?

You use their obedience against them.

"And when I next wake you up you'll naturally find that no matter how much you desire trance, you will be unable to let go and surrender until I give you permission. The more you want to sink the more your obedient mind will understand that it needs permission. Do you understand?"

And then... well, what I wrote at the top applies.

I enjoy so very much of the process here. Resistance play, eye flutters, pleading. They will all get their own entries in this 50 day challenge.

It's like through one action I am served all of the little treats that make my heart flutter.

Sometimes their head will dip and they'll fight themselves to stay with me, and I won't let them fade away, not without permission. Their eyes drooping and lulling but never fully closing.

Sometimes they will whimper with every sharply spoken word that implies trance but does not permit it. Their submission growing with their desperation. Desperation mounting until they begin pleading.

And then when I finally let them sink, when I end the tantalizing torment of my temptation? Oh how heavy and deep they drop.

I LOVE it.

---

Day 9: Music Control

FULL SCHEDULE MASTER POST

Day 11: Personality Play

#50 days of fetishes #hypnosis #hypnokink #dawn posting #suggestion suggestions

[secondhandsorrows]

Is Your Story High or Low Concept?

All stories are developed from an idea. In one way or another, they’re shaped from anything you draw inspiration from, from snippets of interesting conversation you’ve heard while sitting in a café, or a particular piece of art that captures your attention, or a character you’ve come up with that you just adore so much you just want a story with them in it. You may have a few general concepts in mind, but perhaps it’s not a story quite yet. In fact, you may not even have a premise. 

So how do you know whether your story idea is low concept or high concept?

First, let’s go over the two different types more in-depth…

Low-Concepts:

Low concepts are simple at first glance and tend to be broad and vague. They are mainly character-driven, usually centered around self-discovery, coming-of-age, or a relationship. They tell us of what the story is at its core — what it’s generally about and what to expect from it. It can be anything, from a widow learning to love again, or a girl beginning her first day of school, a detective solving a mystery. Because of its generic-ness, they can be easily identifiable and familiar to an audience. 

However, this doesn’t give us the exact story — just the basic essence of one in the simplest of terms. There’s no conflict or antagonist, yet, nor a definable goal. Rather, there’s no plot. In fact, this kind of concept isn’t easily explainable, as it could take on so many directions in many different ways. 

This doesn’t mean they can’t be interesting or that you shouldn’t write one. The main qualm with a low-concept is that they’re generally harder to pitch to agents or readers. 

Here’s a few examples that are low-concept.

- Jane Eyre

- Pride and Prejudice (in fact, most romance novels are low-concept)

- Lady Bird

Low concepts are usually fine on their own — you don’t need a grand hook or plot-heavy events to make make the story you want to tell. But what if you want to make it more compelling? What if you have a concept with a unique twist, goal, or setting? This is where high-concepts come in... 

High-Concepts:

On the other end, high concepts convey fresh, intriguing, or original ideas in just a few words or sentences. They can even put twists on original ideas, offering something completely revamped or unexpected (such as Titanic, taking a Romeo-and-Juliet love story onboard the famous ship). 

High-concepts deliver a prime situation, conflict, and a character arc, all luring its audience in with a hook. There’s a differentiating factor that acts as an attention-grabber that makes it high-concept, allowing the audience to have an idea in their heads of what the genre is and how the story might go, while also leaving room for bigger questions to string them along and leave them wanting more. 

Here’s some examples considered high-concept. 

- Lord of the Rings 

- The Maze Runner

- Mortal Engines

The main takeaway here is that the former is more focused on plot and a unique hook, and the latter has less of an emphasis on external events and more on character and emotion.

High-concepts can even be built off of low-concepts... or even work together in tandem. No matter which one you choose, both sides need at least some balance between internal and external — character and plot, I mean. Significant external events need to happen in a character-driven low-concept, and engaging characters with emotional changes and arcs are needed to experience the story through in a high-concept. (Whew, that’s kinda tough to explain. I’ve included a helpful link on this topic below, for clarity sake.)

Which one is right for you? 

At the end of the day, what matters most is the kind of story you want to write. Are you more interested in stories with high-stakes, a realized villain/antagonist, and immersive settings, driven by a sequence of events? Or, are you more interested in cozy reads focused more on character and growth; something less action-packed or plot-heavy?

Don't let one kind of concept turn you off from the other. Both are valid ways of creating the foundation or heart of your story. Try looking at the stories you love, and try to identify which ones might be considered high concept or low concept. What is it about them that draws you in?

Happy writing!

#writing advice #high concept #low concept #writing #creative writing #fiction #fiction writing #story tips #writing tips #the premise #story ideas

[saffron-not-so-joy]

A Personal Reflection on The Action Button Review of Boku No Natsuyasumi

Genuinely the action button review of boku no natsuyasumi has unlocked something i have been trying to in my brain in regards to my whole outlook on how i create and reflect on life. I just finished it this morning and it has give me some kind of bewildering clarity that has allowed me to be more vulnerable with myself then i think i have ever been able. All because what tim rogers shared in that 6 hour review about a video game i will probably never play.

I cried for over 40 minutes of the last hour and a half or so of the video. I think ive never been so moved by something in my life. which is a lil weird to say about a review video but as someone who struggles to engage fully with much of the media and literature around me for multiple abstract reasons... it just felt so eye opening. I didnt felt seen in the ways i have felt reading some of the works of nagata kubi or mariko kikuchi, but it truely had me thinking and reflecting on my own life and that of another in ways i thought not possible, or atleast not truely attainable. The parts of himself he was sharing with us spoke to a part me that i struggle to communicate with in an earth shattering way.

It had me reflect on the person ive wished myself to be for so long, the person i wish i wasnt, the things i want to do, my childhood, my goals. It made me first think of how much i have been admiring his work, how microscopic it all is, early in the video i thought he must have just been one of those people that journal in minute detail, just to be thrown into the reality that he doesnt really have a choice in the matter of how much detail he holds on too. Its a bit selfish to say that point broke down a bit of a wall around my own inability to maintain that kind of information, allowed me to give myself grace in regards to the depths or lack there of i have known myself and the pasts buildt together with many of those around me. It made me feel lucky that i had a choice in what i do manage to hold onto. specifically i try to maintain what i can recall of certain thoughts i had as a child in school as deeply as i can so that i can use that to maintain a sense of the personhood and mental capacity of the children i work with. Since i find many adults forget all to easily how whole and how complexy children can understand the situations around them without you realising.

When he shared how his embarrassing memories would make him feel, it made me wish i could share this post i read here on tumblr probably over a year ago about the concept of religious grace being something you can apply without any religion really. im sure he has his own copeing mechanisms but it has been extremely helpful working through some of the anxiety induced delayed shame of my own embarrassing memories. Although my memories fade more in details over time then his do, these memories have definitely made me feel and think in similar ways to how he described he felt in the video.

The topic of grief is a central theme in the video, and grief is something i have not fully come into understanding within my own life as of yet. I dont think i have properly greaved for the lives and parts of people they leave behind in the way he has described, in part because of my tangible disconnect from some of my deepest thoughts, but also because i have been lucky enough not to many people within a close proximity of myself. The most major death in my family has been my grandfather on my mother's side, and i think most of my grief is similar to the grief i felt when tim said that his uncle who sounded cool as hell had passed away from covid and we would never be able to gain the part of tim's uncle that he would have shared with us. Which sounds kinda weird, but i was kinda in the head space of thinking about the parts of people we carry withus that are never apart of our lives, but can still effect us and change us through the words that they shared. Maybe thats why i burst into tears for the first time at that part. I think uncounously it hit a similar cord in my brain when i think about how unfamiliar and distant i was with my grandfather even though i honestly find much in retrospect that i could have connected with him on, and how that cant be changed.

Tim walked through his own missed connections, and talked about process which he dealt with the grief of his friend who had taken her own life. The little pieces of these people and so many others that he had to hold onto, the pieces of himself that he had no way to know of or control, the pieces that the family in boku no yatsunatsume shared with eachother and the players of the game. The pieces of people in my own life, the pieces of myself. All swirled around in my mind as the video closed. Im not sure if i have fully formed thoughts on the mater, but i cried all the same during his discussion mixed with my own internal interpretation and forming take aways.

Id probably have to watch the whole video again to actually have more complete thoughts on the themes of the game itself because of how much space the pieces of tim he shared with us have picked at my own interal walls. Right after watching i sent a message to my partner describing the game as "a microscopically truthful endeavor to capture the vibes of a summer well spent with those around you". Microscopic truthfullness is one of the things i find most endearing in works of media, i was tought about the concept by my father who although i do not have a great relationship with, i do appreciate what he was able share with me when not being a total dickbag. He said most of the best works of art imploys this level of emotional truthfullness, getting down to what you may have really felt in such a way that it cannot be denied as capturing a moment within the human condition. I have for many months considered this one of the best things about tims content, that he himself is so microscopically truthful in his depictions and explorations of games and the stories he tells of his life.

The truthful part of himself he shared within that six hour video essay has torn away at the parts of my own brain that wish to make creative works of many kinds, and allowed me to fully reflect on some of whats in my way. I have not been able to be truely microscopically truthful within myself, some of those reasons are very abstract to me personally, but one struggle that feels like such a road block in my progress is that i fear rereading any of my own writting. I have had issues with reading and writting since i was younge, i think its undiagnosed mild dyslexia and undiagnosed nerodivergence with neglectfuly done unschooling attempted by my parents until i was in 4th grade. My vocabulary was still higher then average, but i very clearly remember the day i actually retained the spelling of the word "the" and "are". There, their, and they're still triped me up whils i was old enough to be using this website and i dont entirely know how to sound out words properly so i make alot of mistakes reading outloud, or when i think too hard about the spelling of names that dont sound the way they look, and i do very badly when words are spelled out in songs. All of these combined with a bitch of a 5th grade english teacher, who i dont know if she understood what my deal was or not, shamed me about many things i did wrong. The major thing that stood out in my mind was when she told me to stop writting in cursive because my hand writting was so eligible, which would be fine if not for her tone and dismissiveness of the fact i was teaching myself how to write like that from scratch based of the cursive chart she had on the wall!!! I was proud and making an effort!!!

Even through all these issues i was still able to be in the top percentage of the grade when 6th grade rolled around because i had finally caught up in my ability to read, even if i wasnt actually retaining much of the information i could read what was on the pages. None of this mattered in the long run because by the time i was in high school and college it became evident that i could not read through my papers to do corrections, and thus even now i am writting this with the best formating i can on the first pass.

I mention all this trama because something about this video, and the pieces of microscopically truthful moments shared by the game devs of bokunatsu and tim have truthfully allowed me to maks emotional progress on this issue. I need to make an improvement here or it will continue to hinder any planning i want to do, any thoughts i dont want to run away from me. Im tired of living my life fearful of myself, my thoughts, and memories. The pieces tim shared of himself and share of those he carries with him unlocked some part of my brain and i just need someone else to know or ill continue to be locked in some ruminating cycle of my own making that i need not hold myself in. In writting this i hope i can take more steps into the light of writting, drawing, paintjng and creating truth for myself and others.

If you made it this far thank you for reading, i hope this part of myself i shared today helps you find kindness to give to yourself and others.

#long post #personal #action button #boku no natsuyasumi #action button reviews #tw: suidice #tw: trama #me #response #personal essay #selfish writting #i try not to get too parasocial with people this shit just hit me like a truck today omg

[alyjojo]

Advice to Work on Yourself 👩🏻‍🎓 in April 2023: Taurus

Ace of Wands - The Hanged Man rev - 4 Swords

Regarding: 10 Wands

There are three different stories here. You have all 4 Aces, and The Magician, who also has all 4 Aces, you are completely in charge of what comes next, and the opportunities are everywhere for you. That’s what you’re antsy about, you want to rush in and get it moving with Knight of Wands, take ACTION. But you’re still being advised to wait. Calm down. Heal, and temper your enthusiasm with patience. There’s a feeling here that you’ve already given things time and you don’t want to give them MORE TIME, but you need to. There’s something you don’t know yet that you need clarity on.

Story 1: Love, especially for lgbt singles. You want to manifest a passionate new beginning with someone who may be married, have kids, or are otherwise committed. Could be an earth sign like you. Or you could just be desiring all of these things, at no one particular person. You are full of passion, and but also need an Ace of Pentacles or forget it, an actual stable opportunity that has the potential to grow into something long lasting, passion isn’t what you want coming towards you. You’ll need to temper that fire inside of you, and be sure you’re not just wanting a good time, or acting impulsively when someone is good looking, because you won’t get very far with that when you want genuine, trustworthy, and long-lasting. Pentacles 💯 Wands burn out, Cups are cute, Swords are a necessity not a desire. The real deal or no dice 🎲

Story 2: An opportunity. The Hanged Man was upright for some time, you’ve been waiting for “the stars to align” in some way before you move forward with something you’ve been working on quietly. Spirit is saying this needs another look, more research, more inspiration, clarity, and time. It’s not ready yet. Particularly in ways of growth and finances, you’re needing to get more detailed with what you’re doing, though the inspiration is clear. Something like now it’s time to look at the fine print, Ace of Swords & Foolproof, getting crystal clear, being honest with yourself, cutting off what isn’t necessary. When you’re ready, there won’t be any questions, you’ll actually be ready. Not yet.

Story 3: Illness. Any number of things may be strange, off, a burden on you, and rather than going to a doctor and figuring out what those thing are, or are caused by, you just accept it and get used to it. Damian Hirst is for this story only. You’ve got to go to the doctor for your peace of mind, there are things you don’t know that you possibly need to know, need to heal, need help with in some way. Surgeries, treatments, what have you. I’m not getting anything bad from this at all, it’s for your peace of mind. “Postpone death”. “Become Foolproof”. Aka make good decisions and prevent things before they actually happen, or possibly become worse. Temperance and The Star are very positive energies that are like a “keep calm and hope for the best” message, it’s all very positive but also, go to the doctor please. You’ll know if that’s you, because it’s always something that’s on your mind. So listen.

Animal Oracle: Humpback Whale 🐋

“Music is essential to your healing and well-being, whether singing, playing an instrument, or listening.”

In order to diagnose their patients, one of the questions that shamans often asked was when the patient stopped singing. If it had been quite some time, the shaman was certain to recommend singing (among other remedies) as an essential aspect of recovery. All that’s involved when you sing - the fullness and rhythm of your breathing, the soulful and creative expression of your spirit - serves to enhance your health and raise your vibrations. Similarly, playing an instrument can touch on those inner creative depths that yearn to be expressed. Simply listening to your favorite tunes or melodies can inspire & heal. Let the magical child inside help you rediscover the joy of creating music. It’s time to play!

Artist Oracle: You have two

GUSTAV KLIMT

- Every portrait is a self-portrait.

- If no group will have you, start your own.

- Like gold, eroticism fluctuates with the times.

DAMIAN HIRST

- Art and science are for confronting mortality.

- Postpone death. Preserve it in formaldehyde. Encrust it in diamonds.

- Talk to your local pharmacist.

Advice:

- Practice Daily Reflection

- Become Foolproof

Charms:

Ship’s Helm 🛳 on The Magician shows your actions being very important at this time, you hold a lot of power over how things will turn out, and you can make those work out in your favor if you get completely clear on what you’re dealing with and how you move. Don’t be hasty.

Peace ☮️ on 4 Swords shows mental & physical peace through healing, rest, possibly sleeping more if you’re burning the candle at both ends. Your whole soul needs calm, healthy habits, possible medical expertise on some level, you would know if that applies. Taking a break from what you want NOW is the best movement forward for you.

Rose 🌹 on The Empress shows the clarity you need being related to growth, beauty on some level is possible, finances specifically, children or issues relating to them. What you don’t know, you’re going to find out, or you need to. Anything you feel left in the dark about, find out the answers to all of your questions, don’t just leave them sitting.

#taurus tarot reading #advice #advice to work on yourself #april 2023 #Taurus #tarot #tarotblr

[archenemyintellegence]

(29/3/2023) The Somnia Tarot

A deck I've got for myself as a birthday present. I was mesmerised by it's beautiful imagery. I watched flip-through videos on YouTube and I found the images extremely inspiring. This is why I decided to buy this deck even when it's a little bit pricey.

The deck came with a pouch, tied with a ribbon with the author's name that I totally didn't lost it. The booklet contains keywords related to each cards. There's a companion book that I believe contains more in-depth interpretations of the cards, with the stories behind the deck. However, I don't think I resonate with the story after using the deck, so I probably won't be purchasing the book.

The imagery of the deck is more surreal and dark, as it is inspired by the author's experience of sleep paralysis according to the videos I've watched on YouTube. I expected the deck to feel extremely intimidating after viewing the comments of the deck. However, my deck gives silly and even cheerful energy, that has nothing to do with dark at all.

Here are MY feelings about the deck...

Despite some actions they are doing looks disturbing at first, the deck's dream-like vibe tells me that they are just getting creative and fucking around... as this is a dream. It is a dimension that everything leaves no consequences, so of course they are going to do some stupid shit.

I absolutely love that almost all the characters got their head completely covered and have heavy clothes over them. It makes me very unsure that if they're even human at the first place. It feels like they are all just entities posing as humans and pretending to do human things. Their outfit also makes their gender extremely ambiguous. It feels that the beings in the cards choose to present in a way that leans more toward a gender in the cards. Overall, they really resonate with my experience of being a human, and their approach (that I interpreted) inspired me to life in a more mischievous way 💀 (Hi Loki 💀💀💀)

Did a major arcana deck interview and got "Strength". It fits the vibe that I got from the deck when unboxing. I also did a more in-depth deck interview later. The result I've gotten is the opposite of what I've seen from other's comments on the deck, so I probably won't get the companion book as it probably won't resonate.

Ironically, my deck is best for getting clarity on real-life events or to get uplifting messages. It helps the person to get a bigger picture of the situation. It also likes to give the person confident to treat life like a dream and be the writer of the story.

Compared to The Fountain Tarot Deck that I often use, the message is more straightforward. It also gives more "relatable" answers, like helping the person to find out how other persons or factors can effect the situation, so that they can make a better decision. Similar to my Fountain deck, the deck is more intuitive for me. However, the intuitive messages will just show up in my head when using the Somnia deck, instead of having to solve a puzzle to get an "aha" moment to unlock the message.

In conclusion, the deck gives cheerful vibe and can help people to feel confident again with its uplifting message. Just thinking about the deck makes me feel happier lol (Maybe I am a sick fuck lmao 💀)

Bonus:

A message from Loki today

"Happiness is from what you are doing and capable of doing, not from what you used to own or do."

I usually use the Fountain deck to do deity message reading, but today I was guided to use the Somnia deck. I use this as an example to showcase the message of the deck. It's simple, motivating, and empowering. It's really useful when you are super sad and want some guidance instead of a lecture lol 💀 But I enjoy the hardcore shadow work style so I seldom use the Somnia deck 😃👍🏻💯

#text #tarot #tarot deck #somnia tarot #lokean

[tf2workbench]

Re-enforced

The Enforcer is a particularly uninspiring weapon, only gaining its main benefit if you fire while disguised. It’s a cool trick, but it really lacks depth and nuance. But it has a second attribute, the ability to pierce resistance shields. This is... also mostly useless. Let’s see if we can do something with it.

For clarity’s sake, the following items count as “resistance shields” for piercing: Vaccinator bullet resistance, Wrangler shields, Natascha/Brass Beast below-half-health shielding, Battalion’s Backup boost, and cloaked Spy damage resistance. That doesn’t make for very many situations in which the Enforcer is useful. We’ll have to come up with something that’s a little more applicable to general play.

My immediate idea is to give the Enforcer the ability to pierce sentries’ innate damage resistance. While being sapped, sentries take 33% less damage from the revolver of the Spy who sapped it, making it a little harder to dispose of them if you’re alone. But reducing that penalty mainly serves to make the Spy’s job easier and the Engineer’s job harder; it isn’t really a new way to play. Let’s step away from the “armor-piercing” attribute for a moment.

Enforcer Iteration 2 (+) +100% damage against the player you’re disguised as (-) -20% firing speed (-) +0.3 seconds taken to disguise (-) No random critical hits

“Hey, that person looks like me. They’re stylish! Wait, that is me!” But too late, you’re dead. This Enforcer deals up to 120 damage if fired at close range, but you’re only good for one boosted shot before you lose the disguise.

This iteration brings some cool new tricks to the Spy, making you place a little more focus on your disguise. It could certainly be underpowered if dealing with vigilant players (especially those with fancy, fancy, recognizable hats), which is a concern; but I would argue that it’s mainly weak in ways the Spy already is, and moreover, that no player can always be vigilant in all directions. That’s when good Spies strike, and this weapon is no exception. But let’s try a different tack.

Enforcer Iteration 3 (+) Can fire while disguised to mimic firing action of the class you’re disguised as (-) Shots while disguised deal no damage (-) -20% firing speed

I’m normally very leery of any weapon that allows you to maintain your disguise while attacking, because it’s confusing for the target and eliminates some of the risk of making that attack. But in this case, I’m interested in using it - damage-free, of course - as an acting tactic.

Note that this only effectively copies bullet and melee weapons; it can’t very well conjure an illusory rocket if you’re disguised as a Soldier. But it’s an additional mechanic that you can play with, and that’s good.

My concern is that this weapon might make the enemy team too paranoid. Ordinarily, disguised Spies conspicuously don’t fire their weapons, kind of just standing there. The presence of this revolver demands that you check a firing teammate - just in case. I think that’s a bit much to have to deal with.

And for the Spy using it, your fun may be cut short against a team that’s prepared for this revolver. As with anything involving the disguise, your experience depends a lot on who you’re facing, even if you play well. So, while it’s interesting, there are some games where you just can’t use this Enforcer as is.

Let’s shift gears a little bit, returning - sort of - to the Enforcer as a general-purpose gun.

Enforcer Iteration 4 (+) Deals damage to players connected by healing beams (-) -20% firing speed (-) No random critical hits

To expand the utility of this weapon and of the Third Degree, I’d recommend that Dispensers also count as healing beams, allowing you to inflict serious damage on folks who are clustered around one. Additionally, as it currently works, damage won’t transfer from a Medic who’s Amputator taunting to their patients - but it will transfer the other way. Huh.

Anyway, this gun gives you some fun tricks to play on enemy Medics and Engineers, hitting them when they should be safe and secure. You can’t deal a ton of damage to them, especially once their heal target comes after you, but you can pick off weakened ones.

Honestly, I don’t think this would see a lot of use compared to, say, the general utility of the Ambassador or Diamondback. And, while it’s mildly interesting for its user, it serves to make certain classes’ jobs harder with little counterplay available.

Conclusion Of course, there are many other ways you could take the Enforcer, building off of either, both, or none of its current attributes. But right now, I’m most comfortable with the first one I made (damage bonus vs disguise target) - although I’d very much like to see how the second one (mimic firing action) might affect the mindset of the enemy team. Which one would you pick? Would you do something else entirely?

#tf2workbench #tf2 #team fortress 2 #spy #primary #enforcer

[media-square]

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