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thenarator · 1 year

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I'd love it if you'd expand on the "hawks' everything" thing bcs that's a Mood right there. The way his story's been handled has been wild and baffling and, at times, moderately rage inducing

oh boy, hawks. hawks hawks hawks. the character i'm going to be writing about exclusively this week. oh boy.

complaining under the cut, you've been warned.

ok so there's a lot to unpack with hawks, so let's make a list of things about him that annoy me.

he idolizes endeavor for being the only person who seriously tried to unseat all might. this makes no sense. endeavor wanted to surpass all might because he's a roided up jock obsessed with strength. there's nothing good or admirable in trying to tear someone else down to build yourself up. all might was the symbol of peace. he made the country safer by his mere presence (the realism of this being debatable). what is there to idolize about someone who wants to take that symbol away and make it less effective? doesn't make sense.

ok, so hawks's stated reason for idolizing endeavor is bullshit, but his real reason is that endeavor arrested his abusive father and he's grateful to endeavor for "rescuing" him. that makes more sense. but then we reach the part of the story where everyone knows endeavor is an abusive bastard who beat his wife, neglected his kids and generally terrorized his family in much the same way hawks' father did. naturally hawks should immediately turn on endeavor and try to make amends to his family for ever supporting their abuser. but he doesn't do that. he sticks by endeavor. it's not even that he doesn't believe what dabi says is true, or convinces himself that it was all for the greater good. he acknowledges that endeavor is an abuser and then just continues to support him??? as an abuse victim himself??? make it make sense!

hawks' tragic backstory doesn't end with his abusive father though. we find out later that shortly after his father's arrest he was basically sold to the heroes public safety commission to be put through brutal training in order to create a perfect hero. he was treated horribly as a child and even as an adult doesn't have much freedom. so, this is all to show that hero society is corrupt, right? this is all the evidence we need to show that change is necessary, right? this is the final nail in hero society's coffin, isn't it? no, it isn't. this subplot doesn't go anywhere. we're just supposed to accept that the hero commission did this horrible thing and be sad for hawks, and then . . . not want to bring any of the responsible people to justice. ok, cool, so the story thinks we're all bastards then.

he kills a villain who was running away and suffers no consequences except revenge from the other villains. i'm not going into detail about this one because i think it should be obvious how much bullshit this is.

his whole character just seems poorly thought out. if he's an abuse victim, why doesn't he have more sympathy for other victims of abuse? if he's a commission puppet why are we supposed to root for him? not to mention other factors like his bs op quirk and that he seems to have been born with perfect winged eyeliner, factors which don't get any exploration at all. he just kind of is whatever he needs to be for the current scene to work, with no consistency to his character and no real thought put into his arc. he just falls super flat and it's bad writing, plain and simple.

i definitely left some things out because i don't have all day for this rant but this is the gist of it. if you'll excuse me i have to go write this man a better character arc and some more consistent characterization.

#bnha #hawks

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kafkaesque97 · 2 years

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Watched Tenshi no Tamago on acid, with the most self absorbed guy I've ever met and my friend and I'm like seeing all these connections (maybe unexistent) and this guy was just talking and talking about his phone and clothes and sports and shit and I swear he barely looked at me for a while and it was so weird because he was so sweet that day we talked at the club and I'd never judged someone so badly.

I started listening to Mozart and I faced the fact that given this situations (he was obviously flirting mostly with my friend and sort of suddenly ignored me) I felt resentment towards people but I tried to be empathetic towards myself instead of judging and suddenly realized that since childhood I've always just sort of craved the attention though in the end I craved the caring but since that last one I always lack I accept just attention in the way I can get most easily: sex.

But in that moment also my friend was listening to me and caring for me and it was dumb to feel resentful, I'm older and not as pretty so it's just expeected that people don't provide me as much attention bc looks are everything in this world plus I'm really all about stuff I read or heard and everything is rambling in my head and that scares people away bc they can't follow me up and that is... not bad. Like sorry I want to listen to Mozart and cry out of the blue, bid deal... some ppl find it funny and I love doing that

And I realized I'm a fucking intelligent person and have always been trying to 'turn it down a little', I was able to realize how I censor myself to stop talking, how I am passionately explaining my ideas and people cut me off just like that and honestly it's not up to people to be interested in my ruminating but I can certainly look to connect with those who get me or at least find it entertaining. I realized I have two friends who do so and how much I love them.

And then rhe acid took off and the ego won once more and I felt like I betrayed myself bc I stayed with the guy bc I honestly wanted sex so much but in then the guy was once again entertaining and not showing me random photos of his clothes and when he was a dealer or whatever, he was talking and listening (tho still talked too much but it was OK bc it was about stuff he liked and he was also trying to explain why it wasn't 'dull' and that's it). I got the feeling he felt insecure because he and his friends are mostly 'uneducated' as in 'didn't get to uní' and my friend and I, we both study physics at the 'best' uní (in the country) so he possibly felt he had to compensate. Also maybe suddenly being not a scumbag was his way to secure having sex but oh well, not like I'm in love or something

TM(my whole blog is like that, lol)i but it was quite great and felt like heaven so it wasn't that bad, I wouldn't want to spend a whole day with him again, maybe just... see him at the club or w/e but I realized I love my friends, myself and that I'm too hard to my self that is basically still a wouded child and looking up for some caring and hugs and I'm never there for her but expect that attention from others like a neglected child looking for arms to hold her and soothe her

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bestworstcase · 4 years

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#I'm so happy to see someone articulate #why Raps pulling rank in RatGT was so damaging and hurtful #b/c I often see that scene framed as a#''she's coming into her authority and role as queen!''#but it never sat right w/ me and I couldn't pin why

so these are some of @pnumbra-rbs’s tags on this post and while it’s a bit tangential to the point of that post i do have sOmE tHoUgHtS about that framing of the scene in the great tree, bc i also see that take floating around now and then and it always makes me go hrm.

broadly speaking, rapunzel’s character arc in rta does indeed involve coming into her authority. she enters the story as a socially-stunted, naive person struggling to grasp basic social norms like “don’t touch people without permission,” and she exits it as a competent, compassionate ruler who is comfortable and content in her role as the leader of her country.

but narrowing our focus down to just the argument in the great tree, it just... is not correct to say that this is the moment when rapunzel steps into her power or begins to come into her own as a princess and future queen. it is Rapunzel Making A Big Mistake, and the narrative intends for it to be taken as such.

let’s break this down. first, why is it a mistake? well.

is publicly yelling at a subordinate good leadership? is it a healthy, productive use of authority?

consider the argument in RATGT from this perspective for a moment. strip out all the emotional context surrounding the argument, and at the core of it what we have here is a disagreement over the safety of the group. adira’s position is that the group is exhausted and must rest, regardless of the fact that they are in enemy territory. cassandra’s position is that the great tree is too dangerous to make the benefits of stopping to rest worthwhile, and they must press on until they find a safer location.

both are somewhat valid perspectives. hector is likely to catch up to them regardless of what they do, and it’s better to fight well-rested on chosen ground than to be caught off guard when you’re tired. adira doesn’t spell it out, but her plan is basically to get some rest, then stand and fight at the top of the tree when, not if, hector catches up. meanwhile, cassandra’s plan is to get out of the tree as fast as they can and hope that hector doesn’t catch up with them until after they escape. who’s right? it depends on your estimation of the threats posed by hector and by the great tree itself.

(personally, i’m with cass on this one. a high ledge in enemy territory that has already proven to be very dangerous in its own right is not ground i would ever choose as a battlefield unless i had absolutely no other choice. and while everyone is tired after a long day, i like the benefit-to-risk ratio of taking a few minutes to stretch, drink some water, and eat some food before pressing on a lot better than the benefit-to-risk ratio of stopping here for the night and staking everything on a battle in this location.)

now... cass doesn’t handle herself well in this argument. at all. i think she, unlike the rest of the group, is picking up the subtext of adira’s proposal (that they will fight hector here), but rather than rationally express her concerns, she goes off on a paranoia-fueled rant accusing adira of wanting to get them all killed. she comes off as hysterical and unhinged because she’s speaking out of frustration, stress, and exhaustion. her behavior is absolutely inappropriate.

for rapunzel, as the leader, what is the correct way to handle this situation?

good leadership is not just about making choices. it’s not just about the judgment calls. it is about management. which means that as a leader, if a member of your team is having an emotional outburst like cass, you cannot respond in kind. it sucks and it’s kind of unfair, but them’s the breaks.

in this situation, an Ideal Good Leader would a) perceive that this paranoid outburst is coming from a place of real concern, and b) respond to it with the intention of pulling out the underlying meaning. eg: “i see that you’re upset, and i’m trying to understand. what’s going on? / where’s your head at? / where is this coming from?”

in canon, rapunzel’s actual response is “come on, cass, listen to yourself,” which is an invalidating (and somewhat condescending) statement that makes cass feel unheard, so cass gets more upset. the situation escalates. by comparison, Ideal Good Leader’s statement directly acknowledges cassandra’s distress and invites her to explain her reasoning. this would help to lower cassandra’s anxiety (by showing her that her concerns are being heard), which would enable her to better articulate her real point.

thus, the emotional side of the argument is defused, and a productive conversation becomes possible. perhaps a compromise (such as stopping for a few minutes to recharge and have a quick meal) could be reached, or else rapunzel can do her own cost-benefit analysis of adira’s proposal versus cass’s and make a reasoned decision about what they should do. cass feels heard, no one’s feelings get hurt, and rapunzel makes her choice based on what she thinks the safest course of action is, instead of angrily defaulting to the opposite of what cassandra thinks they should do.

and thus, there’s no need for an “i’m going to be queen, i’ll make choices you don’t like, and i need you to be okay with that” conversation—because, in this scenario where rapunzel makes good, healthy use of her authority, cassandra wouldn’t leave this conflict feeling hurt. she isn’t upset, in canon, because raps didn’t do exactly what she said to do; she’s upset because she got shot down pretty brutally and she feels like rapunzel doesn’t value her insight, advice, or judgment. if rapunzel had given her the space to calm down, feel heard, and feel like she was allowed to contribute to the conversation re: what to do, i think cass would’ve truly been okay with whatever rapunzel ultimately decided to do.

but of course, rapunzel isn’t an Ideal Good Leader, she’s rapunzel, and she’s still in a place where she doesn’t grasp the full reality of her own authority, and she’s thinking of cassandra as her friend, not as her subordinate. so she escalates the situation by mistake and we get... what we get, in canon. cass ends up demoralized, their friendship is permanently damaged, and the battle with hector goes predictably badly, with cassandra sustaining a horrific, debilitating injury in the process. (this, btw, is fundamentally why rapunzel is at fault for cassandra’s injury. it’s not about the spear vs incantation decision; it’s about this decision, this disagreement, the way she handles this fight.)

and second... how is this framed by the narrative?

well... our first clear signal that we are not meant to see this as anything but rapunzel making a big mistake is that the show explicitly draws a parallel between her behavior here to gothel’s behavior at the beginning of tangled. in tangled, gothel screams “Enough with the lights, Rapunzel!” with the intention of shutting rapunzel down and browbeating her into submission. in RATGT, rapunzel screams “Enough, Cassandra!” because she’s frustrated and upset and cass is acting irrational—but the emotional effect this has on cassandra is the same as the emotional effect gothel’s calculated outburst had on rapunzel in tangled. it’s an abuse of authority in both cases.

and on top of that, look at how the group reacts—not to cassandra’s outburst, but to rapunzel’s:

they’re all shocked, unhappy, and uncomfortable, because this is... a shocking, upsetting, uncomfortable thing to witness. (have you ever been on the sidelines while your boss or a teacher singled out a coworker/fellow student to yell at them? yeah.) and when cassandra looks to them for support, none of them say anything... because rapunzel is the princess and if this is how she wants to handle this conflict then, well, that’s her prerogative and they’re just going to cringe and grimace on cassandra’s behalf instead of sticking up for her.

and of course, no punches are pulled in illustrating how deeply this harms cassandra herself. we see how upset she is in the moment, we see how subdued she becomes when rapunzel comes to talk to her, we see the smile she forces when rapunzel signals that she isn’t interested in hearing cassandra’s feelings, and of course, this is what triggers “waiting in the wings,” which is a song all about cassandra’s pain—how she feels overlooked, neglected, unvalued, and unheard.

logistically speaking, this argument is a lot more complex than “cassandra right, rapunzel and adira wrong.” and emotionally, rapunzel’s reasons for reacting the way she does are perfectly understandable; it’s her first time ever dealing with a situation like this, she’s still muddling through leadership with no idea what she’s doing, and hearing cassandra call her “obliviously naive” was probably legitimately triggering because, hey, what did gothel always call her!

(though i tend to think that the point cass intended to make before raps cut her off was “what do you mean you can’t do that? are you so naive that you can’t see that you’re in charge? of course you can do that!” vs what i think rapunzel and a lot of the fandom took it as, ie cass saying rapunzel is naive for trusting adira. i like interpreting it that way because it dovetails so neatly with everything else happening in this argument re: rapunzel’s authority.)

but... despite this, the narrative expects us to sympathize with cass here. not because she’s right (her underlying concern is legitimate, but her argument as she presents it is... not right), not because her behavior is appropriate (it’s not), but rather because rapunzel’s leadership in this situation is terrible, exacerbates the conflict, and harms cassandra emotionally.

and as for rapunzel’s growth into her role as leader, this... is kind of another queen for a day moment. in QFAD, rapunzel experiences a difficult choice for the first time: she is forced to weigh the plea of one person she has a personal relationship with against hundreds or thousands of people who are looking to her for leadership in a time of crisis. and in QFAD, she makes the hard, but right, choice by prioritizing the needs of the many.

and in RATGT, rapunzel is introduced to another common type of crisis that leaders must be able to handle: an emotionally-fraught interpersonal conflict between two of her advisors which she, as the leader, must mediate. and unlike in QFAD, this time, rapunzel bungles it—and sees the consequences play out in vivid detail. RATGT is a vital learning experience for rapunzel. she couldn’t grow into the kind of leader she becomes over the course of s3 without making the mistake she makes in RATGT. and that’s why it just doesn’t make sense to say that this incident is rapunzel “coming into her authority”—because she’s not, she’s making a mess of things and then dealing with the messy, confusing, hurtful fallout of having done so.

#rta #rapunzel #cassandra #anyway ratgt is a masterpiece of storytelling and portrayal of complex interpersonal conflict

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zhuilingyizhen · 4 years

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agents of shield x mdzs au

This is the qUaLitY content y’all get from this blog. Also see me spamming friend about this AU. It’s junior-centered, with a dash of wangxian. This is basically a more in-depth version of what I gave my friend lol

After getting kicked out of SHIELD for questionable experiments involving Kree blood, Wei Wuxian was spying on Hydra (lead by Wen Ruohan) by infiltrating them as a scientist. However, being Wei Wuxian, he neglected to tell anyone since he got kicked out, so everyone thought he betrayed them.

So he’s at Hydra, befriending Wen Qing & Ning, and realizes that they’re good people.

But he got caught giving info to Director LXC, so Wei Wuxian makes his grand escape. He may have accidentally knocked over a terrigenesis crystal while trying to escape the Nightless City.

The terrigenesis crystal may have turned a little boy into an Inhuman (the first time anyone went through terrigenesis) and that little boy (Wen Yuan) may have accidentally burnt down the entire Nightless City.

At least, that’s how WWX explains it to Lan Wangji when he gives LWJ a child to take care of.

So, with Wen Yuan in SHIELD custody, Lan Wangji adopts him & renames him Lan Sizhui. He’s still a child (I don’t know why I keep referring to him as a little boy?? He’s like 12-ish??).

So Wei Wuxian goes off to re-join the remnants of HYDRA because they let him experiment in peace & he gets to keep an eye on them for SHIELD (even though he’s an ex-agent).

But before that, he vouches for WQ & WN to join SHIELD. And though many people there are suspicious, they do have a vacant spot for a doctor now that Dr. Wei is gone & WQ is quite good. They bring WN along too.

Meanwhile: Lan Jingyi is getting abused my his mother & his dad is working across the country so life is quite sucky for him.

Thankfully, his family has connections to one Lan Xichen (who learns about the abuse eventually) and Jingyi gets into SHIELD Academy. What he doesn’t know is that he comes from a line of people with Inhumans genes.

Which may or may not how been why Xichen was visiting.

Anyways, Sizhui & Jingyi meet at SHIELD Academy (both around 13-14?) and Lan Qiren is about to get more headaches.

Eventually, he (now 16) gets told why he was accepted on the first place & asked if he’d like to go through terrigenesis. He’s like “ok” and boom vocal mind control.

That’s actually inaccurate; he has the power to manipulate people with his voice. He has to learn how to control it though.

Wei Wuxian rejoins SHIELD! Lan Sizhui meets the person who saved him all those years ago. yay.

Little did they know, Wei Wuxian was expieriemnting with terrigenesis while he was gone but shhhhhhh-

Now onto Jin Ling’s backstory, cause his is a doozy.

Jiang Yanli got Inhuman genes from her mother. So did jc, but his powers & stuff come into play later. Wwx is their adopted bro, but due to circumstances that will be explained later, Wwx & jc are estranged.

Jyl and jzx raise jl for most of his younger childhood (until he’s about 7-8) when evil HYDRA people come in & kill jzx and kidnap jyl for Inhuman experimentation. Note, she has the genes but isn’t an Inhuman (yet).

Ling is very sad and Jiang Cheng swoops in to take him in. Jc actually worked at as a SHEILD agent back from before lxc was Director (coughxichengcough) but left when his sister was kidnapped so he could try to track her down & save her. Instead he gets his nephew.

Jc also takes over his parents’ buisness to get a source of income.

And jc goes through the woes of being a parent up until he also gets kidnapped by HYDRA. Jl also gets nabbed, but HYDRA separates them

Wwx may have been expierimenting but he tries to do it without hurting any of them, and he validates it because he prevented many people from getting cut open by explaining to the HYDRA heads that they’re most useful alive. It somehow works.

In fact, wwx is assigned to jl. The HYDRA people know wwx’s relation to jc & jyl, so they don’t tell wwx that they kidnapped jc & jyl or that they’re literally in the same facility.

Since wwx was assigned to jl, he basically helps him undergo terrigenesis and tries to determine his power.

Wwx also doesn’t know that jl is kinda his nephew. But he pities him, so he maybe helps jl escape, but in a way so that no one realizes it because he still has his cover to maintain.

(also, I forgot to mention: jyl’s kidnapping caused jc & wwx to become estranged).

So wwx may have had a very loud conversation near jl’s cell about some of the exits and also teaches jl the basics on his Inhuman ability. maybe the device he uses to control jl’s powers happened to malfunction in the middle of the night.

Ling, not knowing that wwx is helping him, uses his power (energy manipulation) to break out and makes a run for it.

He manages to escape (wwx had a very detailed convo about the building’s layout) and gets the hell out of there.

Jl’s smart enough to realize that since HYDRA knows where he lives, that he probably shouldn’t go back home.

He really wants to get his uncle back (and maybe his mom, but he’s not sure she’s still alive) but has like no idea how to use his power to do anything except bomb stuff. & that only works like half the time.

Jin Ling is about to kill a bitch but then he remembers that his uncle gave him an address to go to if anything ever happened (remember, jc is an ex-SHIELD agent so bad things happen quite a lot).

Meanwhile, despite his carefulness, wwx got caught and HYDRA is deciding whether or not he will die. Wwx, being the genius he is, takes all his stuff and gets the fuck outta there.

He decides to go visit his kinda-boyfriend (that he may or may not have been ignoring for like 13 years), lwj back at SHIELD. He also wants to see how the Wen siblings are doing.

So WWX goes back to SHIELD, only about an hour before Ling arrives. In jl’s defense, he had no idea that the entrance to a secret government organization was a quaint little music shop.

He just kinda... walks in, and everyone is freaking bc they have been breached but sees him and thinks “huh he kinda looks like jc” and then lxc thinks “oh no what happened this time”

Lxc introduces himself and jl (being the second best matchmaker here, second to only lxc) accidentally reveals that jc talked about him before.

Lxc is pleasantly surprised (gay) and asks jl to come with him into his office so that they can... chat.

On their way, they pass by the science lab. Wei Wuxian, who just came back to base, is happily walking along with Lan Sizhui, when all hell breaks loose.

Remember when I said that wwx was quite secretive about helping? And that jl is still upset bc he never got his uncle back and he can’t lose another family member, not to them?

So obviously jl does what anyone would if you saw the guy who forced you to undergo a life-changing event and was involved in the organization that kidnapped two of his family members and killed his dad: he attaccs.

If you also remember, I mentioned that jl has no fucking clue what he’s doing. All he knows is energy and boom boom.

And the mini-explosions only work in close range, from what he’s seen. So in his anger, he unlocks a new skill: energy shots.

Wei Wuxian took cover like the second he realized who was attempting to kill him and screaming at the others not to kill his assailant no matter how annoying he was.

Lan Wangji sadly wasn’t at base, but Sizhui was, and he can certainly hold his own against Ling, especially since Sizhui has had more time to train with his power.

Luckily, Jingyi swoops in & uses his voice to force jl to stop. They handcuff him and lxc drags him away into his office.

It’s safe to say that the science lab corridor is fried.

That’s basically how jl got introduced to SHIELD (he eventually joins and learns the truth about wwx, which makes all their past interactions quite awkward).

Now we have Zizhen, who comes into the story after the two Lans have become agents but before the whole Jin Ling fiasco occurs.

Sizhui & Jingyi were sent to see if Agent Ouyang Xingyun (@yoitsamy’s oc older sis of oyzz)‘a family knew where she was because she was on a undercover mission & didn’t check in with her contact last week. + she didn’t contact SHIELD so Director LXC was worried.

They look through the window and everything is a mess, so they kick down the door and try to find anyone. The whole place is torn apart, like people were fighting there.

In the upstairs bedroom, they find Ouyang Zizhen & four of his younger siblings huddled together in a corner, protected by a forcefield-like shield. Once they realize the Lans aren’t a threat, the go back to SHIELD HQ and put in a room there until they can figure out wtf was going on.

Apparently, Zizhen unlocked his powers w/o terrigenesis when they got attacked by someone who was looking for his sister and used it to protect his siblings. They hadn’t seen their big sister in weeks.

So the Lans have a new case to solve, SHIELD has two new Inhumans with off circumstances, and Lan Wangji is one Xichen away from killing Jin Ling.

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domesticangel · 5 years

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ok ok a 68 plymouth gtx for ris is perfection but what do u think the rest of the squadra has? i really wanna say one of them has a studebaker somehow but i just dont know (ignore it was a us based company i love them anyways shhhh)

god. this is the best ask i couldve ever gotten. buckle up. ha ha. bc cars. and also bc I’m not gonna shut the fuck up

but YEAH NO SAME i also chose to foolishly disregard that italians wouldnt likely drive american cars (or necessarily drive at all…america is mad obsessed with cars compared to a lot of other countries so sdkfhsdkj) bc its all fun and games so ik a lot of this would be unrealistic but I’m american so i really only know about american cars/cars that are popular in america dskjfsdkjf so sorry for America-Centrism On Main but if any italians or ppl w knowledge of italian cars wanna chime in w their own takes, by all means!!!

oh and this post also foolishly assumes la sqaudra has money. lets pretend for just this post they all actually got paid for their jobs

SO WITH THAT OUT OF THE WAY warning this is gonna make this post rly long but I’m gonna ad pics of the cars i think they’d all drive like. in case anyone reading wants to know what they look like but doesn’t wanna look em all up so I’m gonna throw this under a cut in case it gets crazy

ok i can 1000% see sorbet and gelato sharing a like studebaker speedster that they would take out cruising for special occasions….it would spend most of its time under a tarp locked in a garage bc if you touch that car without permission you WILL die by their loving intertwined hands. some couples have babies. some couples get dogs. sorbet and gelato got a studebaker speedster and treated it with almost as much love as they do each other. one might think their driving would match the “crazy” impression everyone has of them but honestly? they prefer to take it slow and cruise so they have more time to enjoy each others company. on the job they’ll wreck a rental all to hell, but not their baby. the rest of squadra would low key fear for their lives on the rare occasion that sorbet and gelato offered them rides in their car bc the inside is spotless and they all knew if they left anything out of place or dirtier than they found it their time was up

i think they’d dig a color scheme something like this; still looks mob and sophisticated without losing the whimsicality u feel me

i really like a classic chevelle ss or ‘67 mustang gt500 for formaggio

(ignore how fuckin shiney these are bc make no mistake his would be scratched and worn all to hell)

in line w my headcanon that he’d be knowledgable about cars, i think he’d like supe them up and mod them for street racing or 1960s style drag racing. since we don’t get a lot of individual sqaudra backstory i sometimes think about him maybe losing his parents at a young age or having a bad home life as is typical of passione members and getting taken in by a local mechanic, and only as he got older realizing the shop had mafia ties which eventually paved the way for his induction etc but the knowledge and interest in cars always stuck with him. i think he’d probably drive the most recklessly out of all of squadra (rivaled only by ghiaccio ofc) bc he just loves to go fast as fuck and show off. he’s definitely a revs-the-engine-when-he-drives-by-someone-cute ass bitch

illuso would drive a ‘71 dodge demon, and honestly only because he liked the name and how it looked

it would honestly drive formaggio insane that illuso would ONLY use this car to get around as opposed to flying down the countryside or doing burnouts in a field. illuso doesn’t know much about cars and he doesn’t care to learn either; if it looks good and the engine turns he’s happy. formaggio would BEG him to race him or let him take it for a spin, but illuso would be adamant in turning him down every time. he has no desire to take risks and tear up a perfectly good car, but if he feels especially generous he’ll let formaggio ride with him while formaggio excitedly rattles off specs illuso doesn’t understand in the slightest. he won’t readily admit to it but seeing formaggio that excited is really endearing and illuso would even end up learning something here and there from their time spent together

ghiaccio is anal enough about All Things Italian that he breaks my disclaimer and actually does drive an italian car. y'all already know what the fuck is going on

hell yeah ghiaccio drives a lambo. ‘71 lamborghini miura to be exact. and boy does he make this motherfucker screech and drift. as much as he seems to abuse the car he’s extremely uptight about upkeep and will take it in as often as needed for repairs. you can also bet your ass he’d berate any of his fellow squadra members that didn’t drive italian-made cars, asking them why they’d choose to drive that trash on wheels when their country is home to the best cars in the entire fucking world and they have their pick. being in the passenger seat with him at the wheel is terrifying, don’t get me wrong, but he’s actually a very skilled driver, like to the point that he probably couldve been a stunt car driver if he wanted. but whatever you do don’t show any adverse reactions to his hard turns or brakes bc he will take it as a personal insult to his skill as a driver and you will find that the louder his voice gets the heavier his foot gets on the gas so Good Fucking Luck. (also yes ik we already see ghiaccio driving a car in canon but its headcanon time and during headcanon time ghiaccio rocks the fucking lambo)

prosciutto would drive a big beautiful blue ‘65 thunderbird convertible

he would also be very particular about the upkeep of his car, but without any sort of personal touch; he hasn’t the time nor desire to keep up with the car himself so he just makes sure he takes it to a reputable shop to do it for him. it’s not his “baby” or an heirloom; its just a car. it runs and looks good as all fuck while doing it so thats all he really cares about tbh. that said, if anyone ever scratched or keyed or dented it they wouldn’t live long to regret bc as a wise man once said, you don’t fuck with a mans automobile. i mentioned this in the my squadra meme as well, but even though he smokes like a chimney, he NEVER smokes in his car. no smoking, eating, or drinking in the thunderbird. sealed packs of cigs in the console only and if the seals been broken it has to stay in your pocket. the upholstery is pristine and he prefers to keep it that way. he’s a very mild mannered driver and even often errs on the side of slow; he doesn’t really see the point in wasting gas by speeding or messing up the tires or alignment by showboating. he knows that he AND the car already look good enough to command bystanders’ attention so he doesn’t waste his time with any extra flashiness

ima keep it real with you chief: melone would drive a car you could fuck in the back of and thats about all there is to it, so look no further than the spacious ‘61 chrysler newport

he would somehow figure out a way to get an aux cord and a sound system in this old motherfucker and would listen to his music so loud it about rattled the doors off, much to any passengers’ chagrin. he’s almost worse to ride with than formaggio or ghiaccio because he texts and messes with the music the entire time he’s driving. like its almost impressive how often he manages to NOT have his hands on the wheel. he’s a master knee-driver. all that in mind the rest of squadra groans in unison when melone offers to drive and risotto, who doesn’t have time for a squabble, gives the ok and send them on their way bc they know they’re gonna have to deal with melone insisting that driver picks the music and white knuckling the handles the whole time. but regardless, if the chrysler’s rockin and the britney’s boppin, don’t come a-knockin

since i see pesci as the youngest i think he’d be the last to get a car, but the rest of squadra would surprise him by all pitching in and getting him a ‘69 buick sport wagon

it’d definitely be a fixer-upper (prosciutto insisted it’d be good for pesci to retroactively “earn” the car by learning how to take care of it, prompting the rest of squadra to point out prosciutto never even learned how to fix a car himself) but pesci would be out of his mind appreciative of it either way. after years of only ever riding in the back seat of someone else’s car he’d be so excited about finally having a car to call his own. formaggio would take him under his wing and show him everything he needed to do to make sure she stayed running in tip-top shape and they’d grow pretty close over it; formaggio would lose his damn mind the first time he’d convince pesci to do a burnout on his own. pesci would try his best to keep the car clean but he’d probably have a bad habit of leaving empty drink bottles in the floorboard or extra jackets in the back seat, but all in all he’d do a pretty good job taking care of the car and making the generous gift from his team worth it. most non-work related outings would have pesci chauffeuring, but he wouldn’t mind, bc seeing all his friends crammed into his car and having a good time would make him really happy

and last but not least risotto and his ‘68 plymouth gtx 🖤

perhaps surprisingly he wouldnt be excessively meticulous about upkeep; he definitely wouldnt do anything needlessly reckless to harm the car or neglectful of standard upkeep, but he would definitely see it as more of a personal part of him than a machine that needed to maintain perfection. he wouldn’t really sweat scratches or dents here and there; they’re bound to happen to a car that old and if he found the time he’d take it to get it buffed. like i said in the hc meme i think it would’ve belonged to his father (or any family member he was close to really) and it was passed onto him when he died so it’s kind of a sentimental thing for risotto. though not quite the same level as formaggio, he’s fairly good at making standard repairs on his own, and doesn’t mind spending a weekend or two up under the car fixing it up and making sure it runs smooth. the rest of squadra would each be surprised the first time they ever rode anywhere with him; the second the car started old classic rock or metal would blast through the speakers, with risotto mumbling a quick sorry and turning it down, but not all the way off. they would find out that their stoic leader prefers to drive with the windows down, one hand on the wheel, other out the window tapping to the beat of the music on the hood

aaaaaaaaand YEAH. i told you i wasn’t gonna shut the fuck up DSFHKJADHKSDJ LMAO SORRY I WENT TF OFF BUT YEAH THOSE ARE MY. SQUADRA CLASSIC CAR HCs

#txt #la squadra di esecuzione #yeah i gonna tag this!! just for funsies!!#idk just in case anyone else is. as interested in specifically squadra and classic cars as i am LMAO

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dillydedalus · 5 years

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august reading

minus my women in translation month reads, because i’m still working on the last one but want to include it... that wrap-up will come in a few days once i’m done with the last book.

not all dead white men: classics and misogyny in the digital age, donna zuckerberg classicist donna zuckerberg (facebook dude’s sister!) talks about how the alt-right, pick-up artists, incels etc. use the classics to assert & justify their misogyny and racism & portray themselves as the inheritors/saviours of western civilisation etc. the main examples she looks at are stoicism, ovid’s ars amatoria, and ancient narratives about sexual violence, which were all really interesting, but i feel like this could have been expanded a lot. 3.5/5

magic for liars, sarah gailey fun & cool crime story about a murder at a secret magical school (school nurse cut in half in magical library!), answering the burning question of what would happen if petunia dursley became a somewhat dysfunctional PI & had to solve a magical murder at hogwarts, where lily is a teacher. 3/5

the lie tree, frances hardinge frances hardinge writes the kind of middle grade/YA books i wish i could have read between like 10-14, where the world is spooky and the girls are angry spiteful stubborn resourceful sneaky things. i loved a skinful of shadows and i loved the lie tree, where curious snake girl (not literally it’s not that kind of a book) has to investigate her scandal-hounded natural scientist father’s death by spreading lies on the miserable island he died on and literally feeding them to spooky science-defying tree - and faith is very good at lying, and very angry, and very much willing to drag the whole island down with her. read for spooky trees, fake ghosts, and victorian male natural scientists being dumb and sexist & victorian female (& thus secret) natural scientist being smart & awesome. 4.5/5

the dead ladies project: exiles, expats & ex-countries, jessa crispin i have been at turns in love & really annoyed with crispin’s 2012 essay on william james, berlin & her own mental breakdown (x) since uh..... 2012 - it says some really interesting things about berlin’s capital-i Image as the city for self-destructive broke & weird messes, it’s very quotable, while also being some of the most irritating Anglophone Expat in Berlin Bullshit ever concocted (’we have surprisingly affordable rents’ sure didn’t age well.....) and saying almost nothing about the actual city outside of the Expat Bubble (apparently every single person in berlin is here because they feel like a failure.... YALL SOME PEOPLE JUST LIVE HERE). this book, structured around crispin’s soul-searching trip around europe, with each city being discussed in connection with an artist/writer/artist’s wife/etc who lived there, opens with that essay and i’m still torn. the thing is, crispin is smart & well-read & occasionally capable of some interesting insight & good writing..... she is also at times utterly insufferable, ranting at length about how she despises women who perform learned helplessness & prioritise men over everything else only to turn around & do the same fucking thing over & over, incl. going on endlessly about her torturous affair with a married writer, performing her ‘broke but independent woman traveller’ while uh.... staying at a friend’s luxurious farmhouse in switzerland for free... at one point she says she never felt at home in kansas bc based on her looks people don’t believe she’s really from kansas & constantly ask her where she’s REALLY from because.... y’all.... while she’s a good-looking white woman she has an ANGULAR FACE. sure jan. there is so much cool stuff in here, and i wish crispin had kept some most of the personal stuff out of it. 2/5

mansfield park, jane austen hmmmm... austen is always good but this feels like it’s maybe the one novel of hers that is most negatively affected by values dissonance in that its morality feels like it’s from an alien culture which considers a private theatre performance to be the very height of impropriety (aka regency england apparently); as a result, fanny, a passive, timid, neglected girl of strong convictions often comes across as a moralistic prig (i will make no excuses for edmund, who’s just a patronising sanctimonious prig outright). there’s a quiet sort of triumph in fanny’s integrity & conviction in the face of a literal campaign of harrassment from everyone in her life including the dude she’s in love with to marry a reforming (maybe) rake & i love her for that, but her triumph in returning to mansfield park elevated in the esteem of everyone there (except aunt norris who is delightfully vile) feels empty considering that these are the same people who previously neglected her. also edmund sucks. 3/5 #justice4marycrawford #mary/fannyOTP #alsoarewegonnatalkabouttheslavery #guessnot

fool’s quest (fitz & the fool #2), robin hobb the first one in this trilogy was pretty much slow-paced set-up and character development... this one is much better: there’s a lot going on & the character development feels much more organic & complex - fitz seems to have come down from Peak Dumbass a bit & i really liked how it developed shun (shine!!!) and lant, who felt really one-dimensionally awful last book. also there are so many moments when the farseer family really comes thru for fitz & i cried literally every single time. so yeah. this one’s great, can’t wait for the next one but i also really don’t want it to be over :/ 4/5

what matters in jane austen, john mullan fun little collection of essays looking at specific details and minutae and their meaning/importance in austen’s work - like, how old are the characters (incl. age differences), how do characters address each other, what do games do they play, what about the servants, etc. don’t expect deep litcrit but it’s fun. 2.5/5

dead mountain: the untold true story of the dyatlov pass incident, donnie eichar hello i’m fred & i am obsessed with mountaineering disasters. the dyatlov pass incident refers to a night in 1959 where 9 russian hikers died in the ural mountains after they left their tent half-dressed without shoes for ~mysterious reasons. it’s pretty creepy & theories about it run from ‘avalanche’ to ‘animal [yeti] attack’ to ‘aliens and/or soviet conspiracy theory’. eichar too is super obsessed w/ this mystery and even went to the ural mountains & the dyatlov pass to investigate, which sadly makes for the least interesting (and possibly the longest) part of this book (the other timelines are the dyatlov group hike & the investigations after their deaths). the ‘59 timelines are both interesting tho & provide a good look into how weird the whole thing is. i enjoyed this, but i wish he had cut the endless chapters of him investigating, which is mostly russians being like ‘idk man aliens/radioactivity/secret govt agents?’ and him hiking around in a lot of snow, neither of which really added to his theory or my enjoyment. 2/5

if beale street could talk, james baldwin baldwin’s prose is staggeringly brilliant as always. this is a story about a young black couple (tish, who is the narrator, and fonny) in the 70s who are planning to move together and marry when fonny is wrongly arrested for rape by a racist cop with a grudge; tish and her family try to get him out, especially once tish realises that she’s pregnant. tish is a great narrator, at the same time kind of naive and soft, and full of world-weary cynicism about white institutions and racism, and her narrative voice at times drifts in and out of other characters’ minds, which i found an interesting effect. as many baldwin’s novels this is full of rage & violence & tenderness & tiny sparks of hope. 4/5

lady susan, jane austen epistolary novella about a 35-year-old lady susan, a scheming, ruthless, not-so-grieving widow, who is trying to get her timid daughter frederica married to a buffoon. while staying with her sweetly clueless brother-in-law vernon and trying to win over his much more suspicious wife, she makes the wife’s brother reginald (lol) fall in love with her. a very different protag and story for austen & while the end can’t quite commit to either punishing susan very much or letting her triumph, it is a lot of fun. 3/5

on a sunbeam, tillie walden this is an absolutely beautiful (the colours!) graphic novel about a spaceship crew (the spaceship is a fish) who fly around & restore old space buildings. it’s also a story about a romance between two young girls at a boarding school (in space) and about found families and deep space and there’s not a single man in this, just women and elliot, who’s nonbinary. lovely, dreamy and completely gorgeous. want me a fish spaceship. 4/5

between birthday books and birthday giftcards i also acquired uh.... 12 new books??? which is INSANE. i’m not committing to a book buying ban but i should probably chill a lil in the next few months.

#crispin talks about potsdam as the outskirts of berlin and like.... it's a whole different city #the books i read #austen august didn't quite pan out but i'm planning to read one of her novels per month #i am planning to skip p&p bc i read it last year but.... it's really good y'all

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christiianss · 5 years

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- ̗̀✰ •【 MIGUEL BERNARDEAU / CISMALE / 24 】announcing the arrival of his royal highness, ( CHRISTIAN MEYER ), the ( PRINCE ) of ( LUXEMBOURG ). I’ve heard that he is ( RECKLESS ) & ( UNPREDICTABLE ) but can also be ( ADVENTUROUS ) & ( EMPATHETIC ). ( CHRISTIAN ) is arranged to marry ( AGNES EMMANUELLE LEMAIRE ). Rumor has it ( HE HATES EVERYTHING HIS FATHER STANDS FOR ). We hope you enjoy your stay at London!【 OOC: riley, 19, est, she/her 】

hello lovelies! my name is riley and i’m super super excited too meet all of you and write with all of you! i’ve wanted to play miguel bernardeau for a while and thought this was the perfect opportunity to bring in my wild child christian ! a way too long intro post under the cut!

BACKSTORY !

christian, the second trueborn child to the king and queen of luxembourg, never really liked his title. he didn’t like the way his peers treated him in primary school when they knew who he was, hated having security detail watch his every move.

he would often do things that his parents asked of him, but he didn’t like being a royal one bit. he’d go to lessons with a heavy heart, but would pay full attention -- he was never one to do things half-assed.

as he grew up, he matured a little, no longer throwing temper tantrums but learned to rebel in his own way. he’d sneak out of the castle, not to go out and party but to jump on a train to france or spain or italy and soak in the culture.

in his mind, he wanted to believe that luxembourg was just boring, that his father’s monarchy and rulership was flawed and that other countries had it better, knew better ... but while he could never confirm this theory of his, he learned a lot about history and culture of other countries.

he became an adventurer: someone who blended in with the commoners, who grabbed at tourist maps, who became obsessed with photography. every spare minute he had from the few familial duties he had, was spent reading history books and planning his next adventure.

in school he was absent-minded, coasting by with good enough grades to get into the university of oxford (of course, his family’s name helped with that). he studied history and politics there, where he actually thought he had a calling. he liked school ... not to mention, it allowed him to have several months away from his parents. it was during this time where he created his global, holistic viewpoint about government and politics, and really started to loathe the policies for which his father stood. he’d seen firsthand how corrupt his parents could be to create such a ‘fruitful, happy’ society when he knew the backhanded deals that went on behind closed doors.

so he kept ‘acting out’, traveling to all corners of the world, taking breathtaking photographs wherever he went. he started working with magazines like national geographic to highlight different lifestyles, and partnered with some nonprofits to create awareness campaigns. he was in the middle of a tour in tanzania when he was called upon to attend the summit. christian is not particularly happy to have been pulled away from his adventures and sent directly into a swarm of politics, but he is excited to get the opportunity to discuss global matters with some incredibly influential people.

PERSONALITY !

he’s a bit of an enigma: if someone where to observe his whereabouts and his hobbies, they’d think he was super wild and into drinking and partying. while he enjoys a drink and a party from time to time, he really rebels in a more benevolent manner -- that is still pretty reckless, of course.

he’s incredibly friendly. he likes meeting people, getting to know them genuinely, learning about their adventures, their country’s policies, the works. his friendships are some of the only things that keep him grounded from the crazy things he does -- he is loyal to his friends to a fault, perhaps overly protective of them.

he’s definitely a romantic; from all the traveling and reading he’s done, christian wants nothing more than someone to share his adventures with. he’d say he’s in touch with his emotions, and wants to find love. needless to say, he wasn’t the happiest person when he heard his own wife would be chosen for him. he is having trouble accepting this fact, but ultimately believes that maybe he does have a path in politics and can be someone to help his country in the future, when his father’s throne is taken over.

TIDBITS !

his camera and his journal are probably the two most important objects in his life. they contain photos and memories of some of the greatest adventures he has ever had.

to say he is a lover of art would be an understatement. he loves every aspect of it: classical, traditional, modern, architecture, art history -- you name it. he’s an art junkie who loves frequenting museums -- so far as to say he is acquainted with some curators of museums like the victoria and albert, moma, and the musee d’orsay.

POTENTIAL PLOTS !

childhood friends: kids who grew up learning how to tie their ties together, who learned their table manners with the same tutors, and eventually attended the same boarding schools. they have always been close, have always understood the eventual pressures of their familial duties. they have each others’ backs, no matter what.

friends who have been close their whole lives, everyone thought they were to be betrothed: title speaks for it all; they could have wished for it too, but things didn’t work out. they remain close and look out for each other.

muse ( romantic or platonic ): the subject of some of the photos that christian snaps, never really in sight, but someone who simply inspires him. someone who inspires him to do exactly what he cannot, trapped in the confines of the castle - travel the world, explore.

doubter: christian’s shenanigans are not particularly royal material. this person doubts christian’s abilities to have political responsibility (and for good reason).

exes: on good terms, bad terms, who have become friends again bc of the summit, someone who christian neglected and who made him realize how rare love is, who knows !

anything !!!!

OK LITERALLY ANYTHING GIVE ME ANGST. FRIENDSHIP. LOVE. AFFECTION i will love u down.

hmu on im or on discord @ riley#9660 i’m so excited to meet u all!!!

#buckingham:intro #ooc.#intro post.#// yea this didn't hit the tags WOOPS

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noctomania · 3 years

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I know i complain a lot about this & i know i may not know everything but what i do know has just continued to piss me off.

I used to use this tumblr partially just to rb stuff but also to dump shit that was on my mind kinda like a livejournal (i used to have one). I liked having it out in the open so that if ppl out there were going through something similar they could see they weren't alone in experience or in having no idea of what to do. For the past few years every time i wanted to do that i had to second guess myself bc my stepmom thought it was ok to find my blog & creep on it without letting me know until she came across something she wasn't happy with. After she told me that, i tried to change as much in my privacy settings, short of deleting my blog entirely, to prevent her from snooping if she wasn't going to respect me. I still don't know if any of it worked. For all i know she could still be.

My mind is often plagued by the time I was reaching out to my parents when i was facing homelessness, like serious homelessness. Not the summer homelessness i had already been enduring for the 5yrs prior. I'm talking i couldn't get a full time job & was barely surviving on part time work at Marshall's for minimum wage & no benefits. Im talking i was lucky i had any savings left over after college bc most got ate up - literally. Im talking i worked through college to feed myself, PLUS was an RA to cover housing fees, plus a full time student. My first apartment i was living in a large closet. As a sublet. Paying twice as much rent as i should have been. And got robbed a half a months rent.

When i was already reaching out to social services i also reached out to my parents for advice. I said nothing about money nothing about moving onto their couch. Just guidance. They came back at me with "we can't help you". They made it seem like i was asking them to carry me. I felt at that point the only option i had with what experience i had was to run away back to school. Which meant literally doubling the debt i already had. The only reason i wasn't paying into the debt at the time was i was literally too poor to.

Going back to school was great i terms of i had money finally & got to move back to salem & afford living alone. But if you're running away TO school...you don't want to go to school you want to run away. I wasn't ready, i was just desperate. So the plan failed, i failed, i ran away again. I was exceptionally "lucky" this place had jobs open.

But what im on about tonight is the info i found about my parents & their money. Now mind you when i say my parents i mean my dad & his wife. My real mom been dead long time. SHE was poor. SHE raised my sister & i primarily alone. We had food bank & food stamps & free/reduced breakfast lunch & hand-me-downs from neighbors. That's how I grew up. So when my stepmom tried to deny that we grew up poor I cut her out of my life. Haven't spoken to her in years & only just spoke to my dad for first time in years my last birthday. I sadly regret taking the call bc it was just "when you gonna move your stuff out". After years of not talking. All he could think about was that. My stuff which mind you they stuffed into a corner of a mouse-infested garage so inevitably a lot of my stuff is now rat-nestings. They couldn't spare a single one of their several fuckin rooms IN THE HOUSE.

Tonight i was bored & thought what if i can look up info on how much they couldn't help me when i was broke. Turns out they make over 220k a yr, with AT MOST one employee besides themselves to pay (didn't even pay them enough imo) & pay thousands in property taxes for property they do literally nothing with & for a house with FIVE FUCKIN BEDROOMS AND THREE BATHROOMS FOR JUST THE TWO OF THEM TO LIVE THERE & NEVER INVITE ANYONE OVER BC THEY HATE COMPANY. That is their SECOND house mind you (last i checked with my dad they are looking at buying their third jfc). But they couldn't help their own child. And yes I understand running a private business costs money. I also understand that they don't get weekly checks, it's all depending on what cases they can get/win. They always acted like they had less money than they do though. Many years they worked out of the house so there was no extra rent to pay. I've been working in my current job for over 5yrs & I am just now finally making 35k/yr after many union fights.

I can't find it in my heart to forgive them. Had mom still been alive she would have stripped their small intestines right out of their ass for turning a cold shoulder. They didn't offer any advice or help when I asked except dad tell me to sign up for the military. Which goes to show how much they actually thought about me considering I am not allowed to join the military even if I wanted to bc I am transgender. I know for a fact bc i did still have to sign up for selective service when I applied for a loan for grad school & they sent a letter back rejecting me. But I still got to sign up for the debt 🥴 It was further disturbing considering my parents have always been very anti-military. It felt like a real "go fuck yourself" response & I've never been able to shake that or been able to properly explain to them how that felt. They don't get it & they don't care bc they think it's"good for me" or "builds character". I don't think either of them have ever faced the experience my sister & esp I have. Their standards seemed to revolve only around what they wanted me to do & not at all around what I need. But had the audacity to criticize politicians doing the same thing.

The work they do is great, & I'm proud of that. They've fought to provide social security & disability support to those who need it. But what sense does it make that you're more willing to help strangers than you are your own family?

They never even visited me up here. Not once.

I hate this country i hate my family i hate money i hate bullshit. All that i care about are cats/nature, food, & weed. Everything else is a waste of my patience. And i know there are ppl out there doing good things doing right by those they love, but that shit doesn't "heal" me like it does everyone else. Basic kindness shouldn't be such a commodity.

I've spent every year ive been working here saving as much money as I can without completely neglecting myself. I've had set backs primarily due to my health. But as far as i see it I am the only safety net i have at this point. I have no life. I don't even know how to have a life anymore. Quarantine didn't even phase me bc I already had no life to give up & still had to show up to work like regular.

It's no fuckin wonder ive had so much suicidal ideation over the years, I've nowhere I feel I can turn where i feel 100% trust.

AND I'M PRIVILEGED AF. I am white, I have a steady job & a union, I am making more money more consistently than I ever have before. Getting here has been hell & terrifying. Being shown that my parents really aren't there for me, finding out that I'm actually terribly alone in the world, & literally just having to double down on being my own best friend. It definitely ices the heart & cuts the elasticity of the tolerance.

Part of me really wants to just lay into them for this bullshit. But other part of me is like what for? If they would feel bad they should already. But they don't & won't. So I just gotta move on & ignore their calls.

#suicidal ideation cw #cw suicidal ideation #im just angry tonight needed to dump this shit im fine

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livingwithkami · 7 years

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Total Solar Eclipse: A regale of the Yayoi people, Amatsukami and Ama no Iwato

As the Total Solar Eclipse was a great event taking place across North America, I thought it would be the perfect time to write about the solar eclipse, and what it means in Shinto traditions - especially in regard to the famous Ama no Iwato myth. While it is unknown the true event associated with Ama no Iwato, it is said popularily it represents a solar eclipse – however when one studies further, a more significant connection would be to the Winter Solstice. However, indeed, solar eclipses would have most likely been significant as well, especially in relation to a recall of Ama no Iwato.

https://www.theguardian.com/science/video/2012/nov/14/solar-eclipse-australia-video

(Solar eclipse) The myth of Ama no Iwato is centered around the Amatsukami - Heavenly kami - originally worshiped by the Yayoi people. The era in which their culture flourished and was most active is traditionally dated about 300 BC to 300 AD, called the Yayoi era (Yayoi Jidai 弥生時代). It is from this time the Yayoi people and culture shared and practiced an early type of Amatsukami worship, the spiritual tales they told immortalized today in the Kojiki. While the Kojiki was written much later, in 712 AD, there is archaeological evidence and oral tradition that these myths are much older, dating to the Yayoi, who had no writing system. So, to understand fully about this spiritual story of Ama no Iwato, and the significance an eclipse would be to them, we must talk a bit about them first. The Yayoi people were the first to bring worship of Amatsukami to the land what we now call as Japan. An easiest example to show the connection, as pictured below, one can clearly see the connection even in the modern era – the architecture of Ise Kotaijinguu, Amaterasu Omikami's primary shrine in the country, still retains the ancient architecture of the Yayoi people, and Yayoi settlements. (See below for comparison)

https://japanandworld.net/archives/2267 (Yayoi Settlement)

https://tapluan.wordpress.com/category/kien-truc/ (Aerial view of Ise Kotaijinguu - Naiku) The primary Amatsukami – Amaterasu Omikami (the Sun), Tsukuyomi no Mikoto (the Moon), and Susanoo no Mikoto (storms – as well as wind, ocean, and also connected to stars). Were and are considered the Three Precious Children (Mihashira no Uzu no Miko 三貴子).

The importance of the Sun, Moon, stars, rain, ocean, and wind – and their spirits/souls, the kami, played an important part of Yayoi worship. Amaterasu Omikami being the most important to them – as she was said to be the kami who gave them life, warmth, growth, and livelihood, as well giving leadership guidance to the Yayoi leaders ( considered royalty, and were also oracles/shamans), who were usually women as well.

http://image1.shopserve.jp/manai.co.jp/pic-labo/llimg/p_sankishi.jpg (Three precious children modern depiction) Now with all this in mind, many of the Yayoi's traditions line up to the Kojiki stories of the Amatsukami. The Yayoi held the symbols of the mirror, sword, and magatama jewel in utmost respect as symbols of Amaterasu Omikami – a tradition still held today. Common Yayoi practices, such as divination using the shoulder bone of a deer (Futomani), silk weaving, rice farming, channeling the divine via dance (miko), and so on, can all be seen reflected in the myths – especially in the Ama no Iwato myth, all these elements appear. This is why, it is important to understand the background and context of the Yayoi, to catch the nuances and importance of this myth. I'll retell an excerpt of Ama no Iwato below, with some parts cut out in order of relevance

http://yoshitakaabe.blogspot.jp/2017/04/blog-post_72.html (Depiction of Ama no Iwato myth)

Susanoo no Mikoto, having neglected his duties as a kami due to sadness over Izanami Okami's death, was banished from Takamagahara (realm of the Heavenly kami, Amatsukami). Distraught, he went directly to Amaterasu Omikami's palace, in order to (seemingly) seek guidance to his elder sister. (Story of the Divine Oath) . . However, while it seemed Susanoo no Mikoto had a good and pure heart, while he stayed in the palace, he committed very rude acts. In his anger and sadness, he decimated the sacred rice paddy, the farmland, and threw excrement all over the palace. The other Amatsukami were enraged and asked Amaterasu Omikami for an explanation. She tried to defend him, saying that he was suffering through a lot of difficult emotions, and the Amatsukami begrudgingly accepted her words. She spoke to Susanoo no Mikoto afterwards, and while it was quiet for a time, he seemed to have planned and even bigger transgression. In Amaterasu Omikami's palace, her younger sister, Wakahirume no Mikoto, was the leader of the weaving maiden kamis. She is said to be a kami of the dawn, or dusk, as well as weaving, silk production, clothing making, and related aspects. (Enshrined at Ikuta Jinja in Kobe). As Wakahirume no Mikoto was weaving silk, Susanoo no Mikoto hid on the roof of the weaving palace. He held a skinned divine pony, and threw it harshly, crashing through the wooden/delicate roof, and landing on top of Wakahirume no Mikoto. The impact had her fall directly onto her loom with such force, that pieces of it pierced her pelvis, and she is said to have died right away. (However, later her spirit is said to have revived). The other weaving maidens, and now Amaterasu Omikami, who had rushed in hearing the screams and crashed, saw horrific things – a skinned divine pony (said to may have been Amaterasu Omikami's own pony, which is why a white sacred horse is still presented to Naiku/Inner Shrine at Ise), ruined silk and looms (considered sacred to Amaterasu Omikami, and still offered to her at Ise Kotaijinguu), and most critically, seeing her younger sister dead. Completely numbed and in shock, she broke down and ran with adrenaline to a cave, which we now call as the sacred Ama no Iwato, and shut herself inside. Of course, with this, the light also disappeared, and the other Amatsukami were thrown into a panic. The weaving maidens quickly told them about the incident, and, after swiftly punishing Susanoo no Mikoto by pulling out his nails, cutting his hair and beard, and exiling him to the land of Kunitsukami, Izumo no Kuni, they began to work how to get her out of the cave. They consulted Omoikane no Mikoto, a kami of knowledge and wisdom, to see what to do. As they made camp by the Yasu River near Ama no Iwato, he came up with a plan to call sacred and pure energy so she would want to come out, and delegated tasks to the other Amatsukami. To Ame no Uzume no Mikoto, he suggested she do a divine dance, to call sacred energy. To Ame no Koyane, he suggested that he write a norito prayer To Ame no Futodama, he suggested to do the the Futomani divination with the shoulder bone of a deer (a sacred animal to Yayoi) to find out if the plan will be successful or not. To Ishikoridome no Mikoto, he suggested she make a large mirror (now known as Yata no Kagami) so she can see her own reflection To Tamanoya no Mikoto, he suggested they make many magatama (now known as Yasakani no magatama) to hang on the sakaki branch alongside the mirror.

Amaterasu Omikami is said to have been fond of magatama ever since the magatama necklace, Mikuratana no Kami, was given by her Father, Izanagi Okami, as a symbol to be the ruler of Takamagahara.

They also collected divine roosters, hoping their call would call her out (as roosters caw when the sun rises).

After Ame no Futodama confirmed the plan would succeed through divination, the kami began to implement everything. It seemed to be going well, but despite the chanting of norito, and Ame no Uzume preparing a divine dance, there still seemed to be no sign of it working. All the Amatsukami were nervous. Then, Ame no Uzume no Mikoto, the goddess of the sunrise, began to do something different. She overturned a washtub laying by the river, took sakaki and other branches and flowers in her hair and hands, and exposed her breasts. Instead of a solemn ritual to call down divine energy, she began to cheerfully and excitedly dance, and laugh, and make lots of noise stepping on the washtub and shaking the leaves. The Amatsukami, all suddenly shocked by her actions, couldn't help but release from their tension in laughter. Once they began laughing, they couldn't stop, and Ame no Uzume no Mikoto was encouraged and began to do more and more exciting things, making the Amatsukami more and more cheerful and laughing. At the same time, the roosters began to call, and Ame no Koyane began chanting the norito more loudly. Amaterasu Omikami, surprised at all the sounds and noises, was shocked out of her sadness and depression for a moment. She peeked a little from the cave, and called out, “What is happening?” and Ame no Uzume no Mikoto cheerfully replied, “There's a new goddess here! And she's way better than you!” Amaterasu Omikami, shocked and confused, peeked more, whereupon she saw her reflection in Yata no Kagami. While she was dazzled having never seen her reflection, her depression had come back, “Oh, it seems it's true, she is much better”. In this moment of remorse however, was the Amatsukami's chance. Omoikane no Mikoto called Ame no Tajikarao, the strongest of the Amatsukami, to quickly grab her out from the cave. As he did, Ame no Futodama quickly sealed the cave,said to be with shimenawa, so she could not enter again.

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:AmanoiwatoCave.jpg Thus, light was restored, and cheerfully the peace among the Amatsukami and Takamagahara was restored. (What happened to Susanoo no Mikoto? He has a happy ending too, but for next time!) From this myth, we can see important elements of Yayoi culture, such as rice paddies, farms, horses, silk weaving, and most importantly, life – all decimated. All these things would be considered very harsh transgressions against the head kami of the Yayoi people, and the people themselves. The traditional spiritual practices to commune with the kami at the time, such as Futomani, and divine dance, were credited to restoring peace, sunlight, and order. It can be gleaned that whenever transgressions against the kami happened, people reconnected to them via the leader's and their court spiritual communication with the kami to restore peace and balance. The Ama no Iwato myth itself, as mentioned, is more associated with the Winter Solstice, especially if one considers the torii leading to Uji Bridge (Ujibashi) at Ise Kotaijinguu. This torii is the very first one that is seen before entering the sacred realm of the Inner shrine (Naiku). The way the torii is built aligns to the sun rising directly inside the torii on the Winter Solstice day. As Ise Kotaijinguu was founded by Yamatohime no Mikoto, from the Yayoi/Yamato Kingdom, and still retains Yayoi traditions throughout thousands of years, there is a connection the Winter Solstice time was a more significant event to the Yayoi (longest night of the year). However, despite this, the time of solar eclipses relates to this myth as well albeit in a more abstract manner. The Yayoi most likely also made the connection between Ama no Iwato, the Winter solstice, and eclipses – all times when the sun's light is less, or in the case of an eclipse, slowly taken away and completely blotted out for a few minutes. Remembering that Ama no Iwato happened due to severe transgressions - even by the divine - private rituals by the leaders, public ceremonies with the people, and extra food offerings were most likely done in order to keep the sun's light shining – to keep balance, peace, and harmony among their deities and their people.

While Ama no Iwato itself may not have been an eclipse story – the eclipse would have certainly reminded them of the myth, and to be humble and continue a proper way of living. It would have had a strong impact on them, just as it still does on us as humanity as a whole, even after thousands of years and scientific knowledge, we are still in awe at the power of great nature, and the power of the sun.

#ama no iwato #shinto #shinto mythology #shinto myth #shintoism #amaterasu #susanoo #tsukuyomi #amaterasu omikami #susanoo no mikoto #tsukuyomi no mikoto #shinto faith #shintoist #japanese culture #japanese religion #japanese history #yayoi period #solar eclipse

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annieandwhatever · 7 years

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hi how’s it going

i’ve realised today that this is pretty much the last social media space where i can pretty much put anything, so I’m going to tell y’all about something that’s been on my mind a while.

for one reason or another I don’t particularly want to put it in an extremely public space, but if i keep keeping it to myself I’ll explode. It’ll probably end up being a little long, so I’m pre-emptively going to put it under a cut.

it’s been well over two years. here’s some things about my last relationship. I also realise some of y’all know him, and if for any reason you end up reading this whole thing (which I honestly doubt bc not many people i know irl read this rubbish reblog based collection of things of mine) I’ll ask you to not judge me for what I’m putting on here, or to tell him about it. Please don’t. It’s been a long time. There’s no point. It already takes me a lot of effort to keep it away from everyone else that we share. Just let it be.

anyway. Here goes nothing.

i think just about anyone who doesn’t end up marrying a high school sweetheart has some version of The Ex. I started dating mine at the end of my first year of university. It was hilariously public in our teeny, tiny shared world. I really was naive in a whole lot of ways (I still am, really, hardly a human being) but I was as close to being in love as I thought I could be.

Not to say that i didn’t love him, but I very sincerely think what love meant to me then and what it means to me now are worlds apart. I was an extraordinarily broken person at the end of high school, suicidal at a degree that I didn’t even understand at the time. The last time I spoke to a therapist about that time of my life had her sit back in her chair, speechless for a few minutes, at the end of which she said something to the effect of “I’m amazed you made it through. Don’t take that risk [of not seeing someone who can help] next time.”

When I met my Ex I was in a very severe and wonderful transition in my life, where I found a purpose to live, where I made friends that I finally, finally didn’t have to leave behind at a moment’s notice, where I could actually do normal things like go to a friend’s house or be out past 4pm. I essentially realised that I was allowed to be happy, for the first time in my life, for myself. I was allowed to make decisions for myself, I was allowed to cut toxic influences out of my life, and that I could live rather than survive every day. At the end of the year it got too much and I had a strange incident where I pretty much ran away from the end of year after party celebration and, convinced that I would never be this happy ever again, got wrapped up in the idea that I should kill myself. I didn’t tell anyone where i was. It was probably about 2 or 3 in the morning. i left my phone on a bench, I think, and stood on a wooden something and bent over to look into the ocean. I don’t remember much else, and I have no idea how much time passed, but somehow he found me. I didn’t want to die after all. I just needed someone to care.

I think he was pretty convinced that he could fix me. i didn’t realise that i didn’t need fixing, so i believed him. we embarked on a weird and wonderful relationship, and things were actually well enough that somehow I skipped past all his faults and we just didn’t address anything that was too uncomfortable. The relationship was good. He is, to this day, a brilliant friend to have. Nothing was wrong until I left the country.

I realise now that we had shared everything up until that point - friends, work, space, interests. I neglected my own interests if they didn’t bide well with him. I’m sure he made a handful of sacrifices as well. We melted into a single pot of aesthetic that neither of us really liked that much. I started making friends that he would never meet. The time difference put a massive strain on our communication. He didn’t want to hear about what I was doing, he didn’t care about the wonderful people I was meeting. He was stressed about university work. I was stressed about university work. I went to a bunch of parties and stayed true to what I thought was a healthy relationship. He disagreed. It went downhill pretty fast from there.

I don’t think he meant to be cruel at that point. Like I said, he’s a good person as a friend and a boyfriend. When the tension got shitty enough for an actual break up, things got really bad, really fast.

Even when things got bad I was convinced that we could work through them. I was blinded by distance and couldn’t see how many points of stress he had at the time. But when things ended properly I pushed to be friends, and what was already a Really Bad Situation got worse. In hindsight I should have kept the messages to remind myself to never get to that point every again. I saw the arrogance, the pride and the toxicity towards his other ex girlfriends when we were dating, but was convinced that I would never be on the receiving end. Even as i was receiving message after message I looked at how I could have done better, could have been better, could have more smoothly handled the break up.

I don’t remember the exact contents of those messages anymore, but everytime i see him name pop up on Facebook or any other social media site where we’re both active I think about how I would be blindingly drunk for two days every time I saw that he had sent me something for two months after we broke up. It’s been over two years. He’s had well enough time to get over the anger, but I don’t think I’ll ever forget being called a cunt and a rat so many times. It was the first time in my life someone was actually so angry, so directly at me. I guess that’s pretty lucky.

I blocked him today. It felt unbelievably soothing, if inconsequential. I know he doesn’t care anymore to even be irritated when we run into each other, or when other people mention my name. He’s cleared all those feelings out.

But everytime one of our mutual friends (who were very adamant about staying friends with the both of us) mentions him, or even tags him on facebook I get put back in that whirlpool of mixed, highly unsafe feelings.

I don’t need that shit. I’m in love for the first time in my life, I’ve worked through a fucking handful of past trauma from my childhood, and I’m on vacation around the world this year. The Ex can suck my dick. I’m done shying myself away from the damage he so easily wrecked and the trust he so easily tore apart because I got things to do and places to be.

I can’t believe it took me this long. I can’t wait to stop caring.

#should probably really put trigger warnings on this #TW suicidal thoughts #TW self harm #to be safe #cheers to literally anyone who can make it through that #personal

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noctomania · 7 years

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on nihilism and subjectivity

while i am ok with and actually comforted by nihilism, i recognize not everyone is! it makes me think about in class when a teacher would be telling us about a project and students askin questions about guidelines etc. in the situations where the teacher/professor let loose the reigns and didn't have much if any restrictions, there were always peers of mine who would absolutely lose it over there being no guidelines, constantly worried that because they weren't given a list of "do not do this" that they would do something wrong, while i was comforted with the freedom of understanding that even if i did do something wrong it was with the best intentions and that it was a learning experience regardless, which requires some fuck ups to learn sometimes. some people were brought up in a way or have had experience that makes them more comfortable with restrictions because they feel safe with the fences. me, im always worried about what is behind the fence, boundlessness makes me more at ease. it also makes me think of anarchist vs heirarchists. i consider myself anarchist bc of my nihilistic perspective. i don't think laws are necessary because much of it is intuitive ("i want no trouble so i won't trouble anyone else unnecessarily") and usually they are just in place not as guidelines to the general public (how many laws did you not know exist?) but for expediting trials and give easement to jury and judge in their objectives of placing blame. i feel more comfortable accepting the real lawlessness of life and working from there for peace rather than trying to use institutions that were built on corrupt principles by corrupt people for corrupt purposes to "right the wrongs". it doesn't make sense to me and in fact i argue overcomplicates things unnecessarily, because sometimes the laws can be used against victims and actually often is. For instance, who is to say one set of rights is more important than another. is my right to speech more important than someone's right to their religion or someone else's right to bare arms? one person would rate those very differently from another who would very differently from me. i will admit it's admirable the lengths at which humans have gone to attempt to make a recipe for equality, but the facts are diversity exists. diverse perspectives will never cease to be and where diversity exists so does conflict and the ways in which we have chosen to react to that conflict is poor. we have focused on placing blame and shaming certainly someone if not everyone without really coming to a conclusion. most walk away from any conflict hurt somehow, if not at the end then surely in the beginning or at some place throughout and nothing will change that back. as it is, at least here, a person is accused of a crime or turn themselves in and there is an entire process where "unbias parties" participate in determining the believability of someone's alibi and based on prescribed knowledge, which is transitional in nature, determine their future. now nihilism catches a lotta slack because it can serve as grey area for criminals to get away with shit. well guess what, so does our current system, the only thing is it's built by them for them and it benefits the most powerful. at least with nihilism and anarchy there would be no pre-existing wall for the powerful to hide behind. there would be no red tape preventing every day people from accessing others who are more revered or popular. i don't feel it is acceptable to negate the harm you can cause by claiming nothing matters anyway, it's not a justification for malfunction. doing something purely harmful is unnecessary at best, that is clear. we can clearly determine productive vs detrimental better than we can determine right vs wrong or good vs bad. As it is, we're trying to run quantitative measures in a qualitative reality and that inevitable neglects important factors, things like mental health, neurodiversity, the "invisible" identities and their experiences, etc. As a species we are built to recognize patterns and we do it fairly well. but we mistake the forest for the trees when we try to apply that theory to practice. we think if we create a cookie cutter system that all the slack we cut off will rot away and we'll be left with a perfect cookie. but that slack doesn't die out. it doesn't fade. it festers. out on the fringe. it grows stronger by one way or another. outliers are further ousted by their removal from the development of the rest of society. The people living in rural areas that aren't as accessible, the introverts who seek solitude, those pushed out by capitalism that forgets the poor need homes too; these people suffer from being disjointed from societies culture. There is rural culture, urban culture, rich culture, suburban culture, fringe culture, etcetc. these groups are removed from one another's lifestyles be it due to money, location, identity tolerance or a variety (generally a variety and none of these exist in vacuums.) They all get different exposure to different experiences on an individual basis, but also on a group basis. Life is simply too complex to have even transitional law of the land imo. i believe everything needs to be treated with the same level of uniqueness that it is composed of. I feel it would be much more efficient that way. however that's based of my own knowledge which is not based in reading about political ideology or theories. whatever assumptions you may bring to this post are likely of your own but if you have gotten this far after reading all the above and wish to talk about this id love to but don't pull out some reference to some political philosopher and assume ill know who tf you're talking about and why because i won't and you will just piss me off by coming across pretentious as i am but a dumb country boy who somehow made it through college without hardly ever reading anything beyond skimming (mostly because our education system is a joke as well) until them toodles my brain is fried

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