#it's sort of one of the indicative moments of alex's character change

[frenchy-and-the-sea]

SC - Turning Page

Original Fiction Prompt: The way they look after a rough night. Project: Seven Cities Word Count: 2570 Warnings/Tags: None 

This was technically in response to an ask prompt, but I grew so fond of it that I decided to give it a post of its own. It’s been a while since I felt the heartbeat in a piece. I hope y’all enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it. God, it feels good to enjoy it again.

Mood music that caught me when I was working on this piece: [The Boy’s Gone]

———–

There were three patrons still left on the Fairfield Inn’s meager tavern floor.

One was a young man that had stumbled in not long after sunset, and had spent the entire night nursing himself into a drunken, heartbroken stupor. One was a grimy older gentleman with hard eyes and a manner of falling into his cup that suggested that he’d been doing so for quite a while now. And the last, tucked into the furthest corner table, was Tahir, watching the pair of them as he pretended not to watch the door.

The rest of the crew had retired to their suite of rented rooms nearly an hour ago. Adelina had been the last to go, convinced to stagger her way upstairs only by Myrine’s coaxing and the yawning that she had done a miserable job of hiding. She had fought both for as long as she could stand, then had loomed over Tahir’s table with strict instructions that he was to wait for their captain’s return. If he couldn’t, she told him, he was to wake her. Immediately, she had said. 

He had laughed at the time, saluted her, given her his best “aye, aye” and then waved her into Myrine’s care. Now the tavern was almost properly empty, the moon had passed well overhead, and Tahir was beginning to think that there might be some cause for her worry.

He took an absent swig off of his tankard and let his gaze slide back to the door. Alex was private, sure, but she rarely went off without warning. Rarely went off in general; when there was no work to be done, she was usually more inclined to watch her crew from close quarters than she was to assume that they knew how to behave like civilized folk. But he had spent the entire night among them, drinking and dicing and losing card games to Davin, and not once had he seen so much as a single swishing coattail of….

Almost as soon as the thought occurred to him, the door of the inn swung open, and Alex Sheffield shouldered her way inside.

“Well now,” Tahir called from across the room, tucking his relief neatly behind a casual lean into his chair. “Kind of you to show your face around us again, captain! You might’ve said something before we -”

He broke off as Alex turned to face him. Wherever she had been all night had clearly taken its toll. She looked a proper mess, sagging beneath with the weight of a finely embroidered blue coat that Tahir recognized as Finn’s. She usually kept it on retainer for whenever she needed to look particularly stately, but now it hung open, at a slovenly angle that revealed the stained work shirt that she wore underneath. Her hair had been pulled out of its braided tail and trailed over her shoulder in a messy tangle, and there was an unhealthy wreath of pale red and bruise purple around her eyes. When she stopped walking to glare at him, Tahir saw her sway hard enough to have to catch herself on a nearby chair.

He was on his feet almost before he realized it.

“Merciful Lord, Alex,” he said, threading a path quickly around the tables towards her, “you look like hell. Are you alright? Christ, what happened -”

“Fucksake, be quiet.”

Tahir froze halfway through a step. Alex was slurring. Her normal cadence was a drawl, certainly, but always the deliberate sort, and always understandable to his ear. Only great need of sleep made her words run together. Sleep, or…

Frowning, Tahir took a few more steps forward, then recoiled as the nose-searing odor of alcohol met him.

“You’re drunk,” he said softly. Alex’s face twisted into a grimace.

“Brilliant notice,” she sneered. “Ought to let you ride a yard, eyes like that.” 

Scowling, she tried to stagger her way past, and Tahir moved quickly to intercept her. By her own design, Alex had only been properly drunk a precious few times in her life. Tahir had been around to see all but one of them, and knew better than to let her wander.

“Easy, lad,” he said, as she buried a shoulder into him in an effort to shove past. “Easy. Come and sit a spell, hey? Stairs will be the death of you right now.”

Alex grumbled something incomprehensible under her breath, but let herself be led back towards Tahir’s table. Even staggering drunk, she seemed to know that she couldn’t best Tahir in a matter of strength. He silently praised whatever God was looking out for him for that.

She took a seat opposite him, scowling and sullen as Tahir waved the tavern keeper down.

“Water,” he muttered to the man, with the hopes that Alex wouldn’t hear. He had apparently burned clean through whatever remained of his luck, however; when he looked up again, Alex was glaring at him.

“My mum’s been gone a while now,” she growled. “I think I don’t need you to start playing her.”

“‘Course not,” said Tahir, rolling his eyes. “But I’ve been on the bottle often enough to know what comes in the morning. It’s one of the few things I’ve more experience with than you. You don’t want that, Alex. And I sure as shit don’t want to see you suffer it.” 

The tavern keeper returned then, setting two mugs onto the table in front of him. Tahir nodded his thanks, and then pushed both across the table.

“Drink.”

He braced himself for another argument; even sober, Alex always had some toothless insult or slight against his character ready, often just for the fun of it. Instead, he watched as she stared fixedly at the tankards for a long, silent moment, then slowly reached out and took the first one.

“Right,” she said quietly. “You’re right, of course. Sorry.”

She reeled the mug close, bearing it like a cross against her chest and taking sullen sips as Tahir stared back. It was as if every ounce of fight had been leached out of her at once, replaced with a quiet melancholy that she seemed suddenly resigned to. If he had been concerned before, he was truly, properly worried now. 

He waited until she had gotten through about half of the mug before he tried speaking again. 

“Alex -”

“He’s here, you know.”

The interruption came without preamble, as Alex stared hard down at the table in front of her. Tahir’s brow furrowed.

“Who’s here, lad?”

“Why, Mr. Edward Sheffield, of course.” She stole a look at him out of the corner of her eye and smiled grimly. “Recently relocated and fully engulfed in the dockside merchant business once more. A grand coincidence, ain’t it?”

She took another draw off of her mug as Tahir blinked in surprise.

“Your father?” he asked, bewildered. “Your father is here?” 

“Aye. Him, along with a wife and a new brat between them, aged six. The whole fucking family.”

She didn’t bother hiding the bitter edge in her voice this time, and Tahir felt his frown curl deeper. Alex had been quits with her father a year or two before they’d met, but what little she had shared told Tahir that their separation had been more amicable on his end than hers. Relieving himself of responsibility for her had apparently been very easy indeed. 

“Where did you see them?” he asked after a moment. Alex gave a short laugh, dry and humorless.

“At their home,” she said, leaning forward to prop her chin against a hand. “I joined them for dinner, in fact! Was invited just this very morning, after Mr. Sheffield caught sight of me at the dockside. His wife is apparently very keen on cooking for guests.”

Tahir watched, silent, as Alex drained the last of her mug in a motion that seemed too familiar on her by half. 

“So you went along,” he said when she reached for her second cup.

“I did.”

“And?”

“Nothing.” She leaned back in her chair again, making a grand gesture out of her shrugging. “Not a God damned fucking thing. It was as if I was a client, come ‘round to be entertained for an evening. He told me of the move, of his work, about a hundred stories of all of the things his beloved son had been up to. Managed to talk his way all through till dessert, then thought to ask what I’d managed in the last seven years.”

The reminder apparently made itself a knife-twist in Alex’s gut; she grimaced, and then hid the look behind the lip of her tankard.

“I didn’t actually tell him about the Service, mind,” she went on after a moment, very quietly. “Thought talk of a desertion might end with more than a ruined dinner. Told him I’d taken up sailing though. That I had some command of a ship. You know what he asked me?” She snorted. “He asked the name of the captain I’d married, from whom I’d taken command.”

“Christ,” said Tahir, with so much withering disgust that Alex very nearly smiled. The look didn’t hold though, and almost at once, she returned to staring down at her tankard, absently swirling the water inside.

“I’m not a fool. I know my having anything like command on the Ranger is an unusual thing, mostly taken thanks to you, and Dav, and a host of sailors who didn’t have any better choices. I don’t expect it’s always understood. But, Christ.” She took Tahir’s tone on the word, a burst of mingled revulsion and anger. “He didn’t even entertain the notion, Tahir. Not for a moment. I was doing sums and consulting navigational charts when I was ten. He taught me the bloody arts! And even then, even with all of that, still…”

Her voice got very small then, and sunk low into her chair, Alex suddenly looked as tiny as Tahir had ever seen her. He watched in silence as she worried her lip against the edge of her still-full tankard, turning over what she’d said, what he’d seen. Then he scoffed.

“Is your father blind?”

The question caught Alex so off guard that she could do nothing but blink and stare up at him for a few long seconds.

“What?”

“Blind,” Tahir said again, louder this time. “From squinting down at little pieces of paper and all of those tiny numbers and some such. Surely he must be, because I can find no better explanation for how he could take even one single look at you and think that you’d do anything on board a ship but strut around and bark orders at men twice your size.”

Alex’s mouth twitched, the barest ghost of a smile, and Tahir saw her roll her eyes to cover the little huff of laughter that had escaped her. Emboldened, he pressed on.

“In fact, I’d say blind is not nearly good enough a reason. A man might hear you and know your standing! Certainly, he is blind, deaf and mad as well. Or at least doesn’t know a damn thing about you.”

By now, Alex was laughing quietly to herself, trying desperately to tuck it behind a hand.

“No,” she said, around her not-laughter, “no, I imagine he doesn’t.”

“I’d like to think I do, though.” Tahir leaned back in his seat, casual in a way that his words weren’t. “And you know what I think? All mishaps and faults aside - and Almighty hell, there’s been a lot of them - I think there is no one on God’s green earth that could have lead as unholy an expedition, or commanded as unruly a ship as the Ranger, with as much grace and dignity as Alex Sheffield.”

Alex’s snickering vanished easily behind a hand now, and she fixed him with a look so hard and narrow that he felt it in his bones. She opened her mouth, closed it again, then repeated the motion a few more times for good measure, silently trying to mash her sense into something resembling coherence. Tahir stifled a little grin. Sincerity always ruffled Alex, needled her low opinion of humanity until she couldn’t form the sentences necessary to argue. She’d left him little option otherwise, though. She wouldn’t have listened to anything that she considered coddling, and her father was still her father, his miserable idiocy notwithstanding. Renouncing him would have done as much good as agreeing. 

Still, she had been through well enough today already; Tahir could abide giving her a break. 

“Of course,” he said after a moment, “the actual amount of grace and dignity involved is still something of a debate….”

Now the grin came, wry and too quick to hide behind a hand. Snorting, she kicked halfheartedly at him under the table.

"I’ll not hear talk of grace from a man that cannot walk ten paces belowdecks without running headfirst into a beam.”

“Ha! You mistake my talents for flaws.”

They traded barbless insults and blows deliberately aimed to miss underneath the table, stopping only when Alex nearly toppled out of her seat going after Tahir’s shin. She righted herself carefully, suddenly aware of the dubious relationship that she currently had with gravity. 

“I’m for bed, I think,” she said when she had steadied herself again, gripping the edge of the table. “I’ve likely worried Ade enough.”

“Oh, you have,” said Tahir. “She threatened me, you know. Said that I was to stay on watch until you returned. And that I should wake her if I couldn’t. Or else, she said.”

"Did she?” Alex stroked her chin thoughtfully. “Maybe I ought to stay, then. Hide in a corner, wait to see how you fare against her. That would certainly lift my spirits.”

“You are cruel indeed to make me suffer the wrath of a scorned woman, lad.”

Alex gave a deep bow that nearly sent her staggering to the floor. When she found her feet again, Tahir chuckled and pushed her still-full tankard of water across the table. She rolled her eyes, but took it without a fight.

“You’ll tell your lady that I followed her orders, won’t you?” Tahir asked over a shoulder as Alex shuffled past him on the way to the stairs.

“I’ll consider it,” came the reply, not far behind him. Tahir grinned to himself, then leaned back and folded his hands over his stomach. She sounded better, at least. No amount of sneering at her father’s expense would fix quite everything, but at least her slurring was only the drunkard’s sort now.

“Tahir.”

He glanced over his shoulder and found Alex stopped at the foot of the stairs leading up to the rooms above. Her hand had a shaky, white knuckled grip on the railing, but she stood tall.

“Get to bed,” she said. Now Tahir rolled his eyes, turning pointedly back to his tankard. 

“Aye, captain.”

“I’ll need you in the morning.”

“Aye, captain.”

“And… thank you.”

Tahir raised an eyebrow, then slowly turned back to where Alex stood. She met his gaze from her place at the stairs; knuckles even whiter, grip on the railing even more unsteady, but with a stare as firm and unflinchingly open as he had ever seen on her before. Still not running away. A little coal of pride, hot as the summer sun, sparked to life in his chest, and Tahir smiled.

“Aye, captain.”

#original fiction #seven cities #my writing #oc crap #alex sheffield #tahir #i MIGHT have been overconfident with that post last night but #i still had fun with it #and THAT'S WHAT'S IMPORTANT #anyway this is a scene i've had in mind for mmmm literal ages #glad to finally write ti #it's sort of one of the indicative moments of alex's character change #and this piece has sorta been my change in how i'm trying to interact with my art #thus the title lmao #also very small subtle cameo of dovahgarbage's lee in the beginning there #cause I love him #OKAY I'M DONE TAG RAMBLING

[jazy3]

Thoughts on Grey’s Anatomy: 17X11

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

I liked this episode overall even though it wasn’t quite what I was expecting. I thought that in this episode we were going to see Meredith and Derek reunite one last time on the beach and then Meredith was going to wake up in a dramatic fashion and we would get some big dramatic scene. I now think that that's going to happen in next week's episode or the one after. I like that they showed that she was getting better but that the challenge now was to get her to wake up and stay awake. While it wasn't super dramatic it was probably more realistic to how the disease actually works and affects people in real life.

I kept thinking every time Meredith fell back asleep that she was going to appear on the beach, and I was little disappointed that she didn’t. That being said, I really loved Jo's scene with Meredith. I thought it was really sweet and touching and I like that Meredith was supportive and told Richard what Jo had said so that he could help her. Jo was scared that Meredith would yell at her and not understand if she told her so that was nice to see. I also liked that this episode combined with the previous one seems to indicate that the beach exists in Meredith’s head, it’s her happy place, and that she can hear people when they talk to her at her bedside and can potentially hear people when they stand outside her room.

This means that when she does wake up for real, they won’t have to rehash plots that we’ve already seen because Meredith will already know what happened and they can just go from there. I also really liked the scene where Richard came to Jo and she was worried he was angry with her and would try to talk her out of switching specialties, but instead he told her he wanted to help her but he couldn't do that if he was in the dark. That being said, while I’m okay with Jo switching it up, I'm still not sold on Jo switching to OBGYN because I don't think they've done enough to set up the storyline.

We’re 3/4 of the way through the season and all Jo has done is talk about it, but she hasn't done anything to actually make it happen. We got more set up for her switching to Urology and being mentored by Catherine in one episode than we've had all season with Jo wanting to switch to OBGYN. Jo’s had plenty of time to talk to people in the field about her desire to change careers, talk to her superiors, and find a mentor. She’s done none of that. In fact she’s been hiding her desire to switch from everyone who could actually help her with feels a lot like self-sabotage. If she’s really interested, she should have gone to Meredith, Bailey, and Richard in the first half of the season and talked about how she was feeling.

She should have asked Hayes and Carina what working in OBGYN and Pediatrics was really like. She hasn’t done that and right now she seems to have a very rosy picture of what the field is like that just doesn’t match the reality. She keeps talking about how it’s going to be great because it’s all about happy Moms, but that isn’t the reality for everyone. There’s a lot that can go wrong in childbirth, not everyone is happy to be having a baby, some might be placing their children for adoption, they may be fighting with their partner, they may lash out because they are in pain, the list goes on.

If Jo is serious about switching, she should be asking Hayes and Carina a thousand questions and finding someone to mentor her. Instead her and Carina haven’t had a single scene together this season that I can recall, and she spent two whole episodes screaming at Hayes and being super aggressive towards him when he was already terrified about Meredith and Irene. She knows that if she switches specialities she’ll be working with Hayes and people in his Department a lot. Which means she should be super nice to him and being asking for his help. Instead, she’s created this super weird dynamic in which she’s either yelling at him aggressively or they are exchanging polite conversation about work.

Hayes makes it clear to Irene that they are not friends, he is not interested in her, and has no desire to change that which is on Jo because she went from being nice to him and being friendly and teasing him about his feelings for Meredith last season to taking advantage of the fact that they are coworkers to scream at him when he didn’t want to break protocol after what happened to Meredith and was upset after Irene was admitted. She also made that horrible comment comparing his wife’s death to her divorce from Alex and seem to take the fact that he was upset and wanted the best care for Irene as a personal offence and to mean that Hayes think she’s incompetent. None of which is true. It’s all in Jo’s head.

So yeah, I’m not sold on her switching to OBGYN because they haven’t done enough set up and they already tried that with Carina, and it didn’t work. There just isn’t enough material to have a character appear on the show regularly if they are an OBGYN only and can’t perform pediatric, fetal, or neonatal surgery. After they wrote Arizona off, they spent two seasons trying to find stuff for Carina to do before pairing her with Maya and moving her over to Station 19. Several of the current writers were present during seasons 14, 15, and 16 so they were there when that happened, and they were involved. So, I’m confused as to why they think something that failed the first time is going to work with an existing character.

If this is the show’s last season, I feel like this storyline is going to end with Jo re-specializing and adopting Luna. If this isn’t the show’s last season and they’re doing one more I don’t understand how the writers think they are somehow going to get a season’s worth of content out of Jo delivers babies and sleeps with Jackson. We got some good patient storylines this episode and the storyline about the newlywed couple was funny and interesting. I had a feeling as soon as Bailey convinced the guy to talk to his life that it was going to go the opposite way than Bailey intended.

I like that Owen took Bailey’s advice and gentle prodding to heart and apologized to Teddy. I am happy that Owen finally made amends and that he and Teddy seem to be moving forward. I was so sick of them fighting so I’m glad to see that storyline come to an end. It was exhausting and I'm glad that Owen finally got it and that that they are both starting to heal. It was long overdue. I think he heard what Bailey was saying and even though it didn't hold true for the couple they treated it did hold true for him and Teddy and that's what Bailey was trying to share with him.

As for what the future holds for Teddy and Owen, I'd like to see them become friends again and find a way to co-parent peacefully with Amelia and Link for the good of their kids and themselves. I think there's been too much drama and heartbreak for them to work as a couple at this point. I loved seeing Maggie and Hayes work together to treat a patient. I liked the scene where Maggie said it was time to let the patient go and Hayes looked at her and said aren't you some kind of genius or something? Figure it out.

It was nice to see her in a non-romantic storyline with someone that Meredith is interested in. I never liked the “Meredith is dating or interested in someone or they are interested in her, but her sister misunderstands the situation and thinks they are into her or cluelessly asks them out” plots. I love that Hayes is finally getting his moment in the sun. He's played a big role in the second half of the season so far and I'm really happy about that. He's one of my favourite new characters and they really underutilized him in the first half of the season. I loved seeing his interactions with Maggie and watching them find a solution for his young patient. I really loved the scene where they're all in the OR and their idea works. The unfettered joy on their faces was palpable and it filled me with joy!

The scenes where the patient’s father confided his fears to Hayes about his son and how his wife hasn’t been able to get out of bed in weeks and then just before they took him into surgery, he talked to his son about all of the things he wanted to do with him. That made me tear up. I loved how Hayes got the idea for the surgery from Jo being metaphorical and convinced Maggie to do it. I was surprised that Maggie’s engagement wasn’t mentioned, and I got the impression that Maggie hasn't told anyone about her engagement yet as no one commented on it so I'm interested to see when that will come out and people's reactions to it.

I liked that Link’s parents showed up and offered to take the kids out for the day (safely) and that we got to see Link having a happier interaction with his parents and that Amelia and Link got a break. While his parents have come across as selfish and sometimes cruel and irresponsible in the past it was really nice of them to offer to take the kids for the day and I like that they happily offered and accepted Meredith’s kids as family and that Link’s Mom called Amelia her daughter-in-law and said she considered her part of the family.  

I really loved the Amelia and Link scenes this episode. They were great! They were emotional and sexy and fun and silly and heartbreaking all at once. I'd like to see them get married, but not because his Mom keeps pushing it or because they find out that Maggie and Winston are engaged, but because they feel it's right for them. Link is at that place, but Amelia isn't and I don't want to see her jump into something because of outside pressure. She's done that before, and it always ends badly.

I really appreciate that the series is actively addressing Amelia's addiction and what it's like to live with that. Addiction is a lifelong battle, a chronic illness of sorts, and it is not a one and done deal. Amelia and Link don't have a lot of story options available to them because of Meredith's COVID storyline this season so I like that they are taking the opportunity to explore that more. I liked the comparison to her relationship with Owen where Link said I love you and I want to marry you, but I'm not Owen so I'm not here for the drama and if us getting married could cause you to relapse then we should wait. Link proposing and Amelia shouting no at him especially when he was shirtless made me laugh! I’m always here for shirtless Link!

I also really Jackson and Mama Ortiz’s storyline. They addressed a real issue in that sometimes people try to help because they feel moved or called to do so, but their band aid fix creates more problems long term than they solve. I like that Jackson got what Ortiz was saying and that he called her at the end of the episode and asked for her ideas for how they could use his money to really help people in their community long term. I love the actress who plays her and I'm excited that she’s getting more screen time.

I loved seeing Tom back in action! His lines in the trauma room were great! Bailey had some great scenes this episode as well. They're focusing more on the characters I really like or find interesting in the second half of the season so I'm really enjoying that. I had a few favourite scenes this episode. I loved the moment where Meredith woke up and Richard said, "Hey there, sleepy head," and Meredith said she was sorry he had to put her on a ventilator because she knows how hard that must have been for him and he said he'd do it again. And then Meredith said, "I'm glad I chose you." I love their father daughter relationship and that scene warmed my heart. I also really liked Teddy's line about the tea. That's a meme waiting to happen.

Onto next week’s promo! We see Jackson running by a Black Lives Matter protest which puts this episode at either the end of May or the beginning of June 2020 as George Floyd, may he rest in peace, was murdered on May, 25, 2020 and protests erupted the next day and grew in size in the following weeks and months. In the promo Richard brings in a wounded protestor and tells Jackson they were marching peacefully, and Jackson appears to be treating Hayes who we know has two black biracial children.

We also see Meredith being taken into the Hyperbaric Chamber by Levi, Maggie talking a distressing phone call, and Teddy doing chest compressions which means she’s back at work. Here’s hoping that Teddy took Amelia’s advice and found a new therapist that works for her. The most intriguing part of the Promo for me is that we see Bailey, dressed in full PPE, duck into a stairwell and scream “What?!?” out loud several times. I’m curious to know what she’s screaming about. Is it good? Is it bad? Is it both? Is it something bewildering? Can’t wait to find out.

Until next time!

#grey's anatomy #meredith grey #richard webber #cormac hayes #maggie pierce #amelia shepherd #atticus lincoln #tom koracick #owen hunt #teddy altman #jackson avery #mama ortiz #miranda bailey #addiction #carina deluca #jo wilson #Thoughts #critique #greys #greys abc #greys anatomy #tv: grey's anatomy #tv: greys #tv: greys anatomy #sorry doesn't always make it right #17X11

[paper-n-ashes]

sparks and embers - chapter 7

Characters: Poe Dameron x Original Female Character, Kylo Ren x Original Female Character

Story Tags: Explicit (18+), Canon Compliant/Divergent (Set after TLJ), First Person POV, Love Triangle, Slow Burn, Enemies to Lovers, Porn with Plot, Hurt/Comfort, Kylo Ren hates Poe Dameron

Chapter 7 - The Transmission

Words: 5.6k

Chapter Tags/Warnings: Mentions of medical procedures, ANGST, description of severe anxiety/panic attack

Read on AO3 or Start from the beginning

~

Poe didn’t exit the study for a long while, finally hearing the creak of my office door as it opened for the first time in hours. Within that time I'd farewelled the last of my patients for the day and begun to prepare dinner in my quarters, feeling significantly more balanced as the evening wore on.

Mind over matter. That’s all I needed to remember.

It was BB-8 who rolled in to demand my attention first, knocking his body into my ankle as I stood chopping vegetables at the kitchen counter.

“Hello again,” I greeted, still marvelling at how sweet this droid’s disposition was. Placing my knife down, I turned to face Poe as he slinked into the space, taking a place at the dining table. He seemed tired, almost despondent, possibly even more solemn than he appeared when I saw his face last.

“How did the transmission go?” I asked, breaking the silence. From the energy drifting out of his shape, it was clear he hadn’t completely moved on from the sadness we’d shared during our last interaction.

“As well as it could have. They’re still safe, for now. Think I gave them all heart attacks when my transmission came through,” he responded, exhaling hard. “And you were right. There was a search initiated. But my last reported co-ordinates were over Hutt Space, so they never would have found me.” He looked puzzled then, and I mirrored his expression.

“What do you mean? That’s at least a day’s trip from here.”

“That’s exactly what I can’t seem to figure out.” He huffed then, exasperated. “I don’t remember getting any further than that. I hadn’t even nearly reached my destination.”

“Were you traveling Galactic North or South?” I screwed my face up immediately after asking the question, already assuming he wouldn’t give me an answer.

“Yeah, I can’t tell you that.” He looked down to his hands, wringing them restlessly. “I know I can trust you, but I just can’t risk it, for both your own sake and the Resistance. All I can say is that I wasn’t flying to anywhere near Raxus.”

I nodded, understanding. “Well, no matter which way you were headed, Hutt Space is way too far from here for a ship to be unpiloted.”

“Right. Something, or someone, must have changed my course while I was there. And whether it was the crash or some other reason, I’ve lost any memory from after I was flying over the region that might have explained the cause.”

A sparkle of thought flickered, looking down at BB-8 still stationed at my feet. Poe appeared to read my mind.

“I thought the same too,” he remarked. “But he has no data logs indicating any unauthorised navigation. I’m still concerned about how his internal circuits looked when I was repairing him - I don’t think that kind of damage was caused by the crash. If BB had something to do with this, if he’s been tampered with, I won’t be able to be sure until I can conduct some deep diagnostics back at the Resistance base.”

BB-8’s head fell in his own form of remorse, emitting a few low beeps I could only gauge as an apology. I leant down and patted him softly, feeling sorry for the droid. It felt a little unnatural for me to have any sort of emotion towards a machine. All the medical droids I’d worked alongside in the past had the personality of a decaying tree.

BB beeped back happily at me, appreciating my sympathy, when I realised abruptly what Poe had been implying. “Wait, do you think someone did this on purpose? Sabotaged your flight?”

He seemed hesitant to answer again, most likely debating internally how confidential this information was. But eventually he nodded. “It’s what Leia seems to think, and I’m tending to agree. It seems too orchestrated. But the more worrying concern is that only a select group of Resistance personnel knew about my mission, even less knew exactly where I was headed.”

Both the casual mention of Leia Organa, famed princess of an obliterated planet, daughter of one of the most powerful Sith to have lived, now Leader of the Resistance, and the notion Poe seemed to be hinting at, tilted me slightly off balance.

“You think a spy might have infiltrated the Resistance?”

“That’s the theory we’re running with for now. Whoever did this assumed a crash landing on an Outer Rim planet would have meant my certain death, and any evidence would have most likely never been found, especially with them looking in the completely wrong place,” Poe explained. He looked up from his hands, his eyes finally gentle again, the creases in his forehead relaxing. “They obviously never planned on me landing right on your doorstep.”

“The universe clearly wanted to keep you around for a little longer.”

“Lucky me,” he laughed gently. “Hopefully I don’t mess up whatever it has planned.”

“You’ll figure it out,” I said encouragingly, glad he had relaxed a little. But it was short lived.

His face became sombre again, gaze moving to his fingers once more. “Leia is keeping my reappearance quiet for now - her and our most trusted Resistance members, my friends, are the only ones who know.” I saw his jaw tighten, face tense, a controlled breath seeping past his lips. “They’ll be arriving sometime in the night to take me back to base.”

I knew it was coming. I was more prepared now, my resolve holding strong against the gloom I’d pulled into a locked box inside my mind, easily keeping it restrained.

“I bet you’re excited to see them,” I said kindly, hoping to pick up his mood.

Poe smiled softly to himself. “I’ve missed them,” he agreed, glancing up at me. “They’re pretty eager to meet you actually.”

I furrowed my brows, dubious. “Really? You told them about me?”

Poe looked at me incredulously, like that fact should have been obvious. “Of course. How else was I going to explain how I managed to survive that crash? Leia seemed particularly impressed. She's disappointed she can't give her thank you in person, being too valuable to send away from the base.”

My cheeks threatened to flush with crimson, wanting to shy away from the compliment. Relief was the more overwhelming emotion, glad I wouldn’t have to navigate my way through a conversation with Leia Organa, having no doubt I would make a fool of myself. “So, who is coming?” I wondered, interested in learning more about the people Poe considered his trusted friends.

“Well there’s Chewie-”

“As in Chewbacca the Wookie?” I interrupted. “The Chewie?”

Poe rolled his eyes playfully at my marvelling. “So I don’t need to tell you anymore about him then,” he continued, smirking. “There will be Finn, an ex-stormtrooper who defected to the Resistance, royally saved my ass when I was captured by the First Order. And then there’s Rey, who has been training as a Jedi, and technically pilots the Millennium Falcon now, although if you ask me, I’ve flown that rustbucket way more often…”

Poe kept talking, but my mind was barely able to focus on his words.

A Jedi. A Force user. Coming here.

This is bad.

I forced my face into a veil of interest about what Poe was chattering about as he remained oblivious to the panic that had erupted inside my chest. Eventually his words ran out, thankfully without ending on a cue for me to reply. It took all of my focus to keep my voice steady as I spoke. “I thought all the Jedi were gone?”

It was a question anyone would ask. Not too suspicious.

He appeared slightly confused at the point I’d decided to back track on, yet quickly seemed to realise I’d not had the same encounters with force users that he’d had. “We thought that too,” he remarked. Poe then relayed what was evidently an extremely condensed story of the re-emergence of Luke Skywalker, who had then begrudgingly taught Rey how to wield the Force.

It was an unbelievable tale, something any other being would be enthralled to hear. And honestly, I couldn’t believe Poe had made it so far as to have landed on my doorstep. But there was one thing my mind centred on amongst the rush of information.

She’d been trained by a Jedi Master.

I’d learned an essence of control over my power, whatever kind it was that I utilised, both before and after I’d run to Raxus. After realising the target it put above my head at a young age, I’d taught myself to restrain it, hide it away in the absolute pit of my consciousness, only summoning that which helped heal people in the most dire of circumstances.

When the wrong person caught me, when I’d let my power become unconstrained for only a few moments, I knew I had to deepen my command over it, in case I ever found myself in that situation again. And now, I was completely unsure if four more years’ worth of preparation was going to be enough to hide it from a trained Force user.

“Why is a Jedi coming to get you off this planet? Wouldn’t she have more important things to do?” I pointed out. Only when the words escaped my lips did I realise how rude it might have seemed to Poe.

Come on Alex. Simmer down.

He actually laughed, taking my perception with good humour. “You’re not wrong. But as I said, she pilots the Millennium Falcon now, which is the fastest ship we have available at the moment. And she insisted on coming herself. Said she owed me.” Poe appeared warmed by the sentiment, and I would have enjoyed his happier demeanour if not for my own internal fretting.

There was no avoiding it. Rey was already on her way here, and there wasn't an appropriate way I could prevent myself from meeting both her and the other crew members without arousing heavy suspicion. I was truly trapped, heart thumping along fast with anxiety, fearing I could be hours away from facing all I thought I had escaped from.

*

I made dinner for us both, Poe continuing to make idle conversation in our last hours together as we ignored the looming farewell.

Yet now I was more concerned with what I needed to confront before that moment. My mind was a mess of warring emotions behind the indifferent façade I held in Poe’s presence, wanting his departure to be both as quick as possible and dragged out as long as I could make it.

I knew he sensed some of the unrest behind my eyes, but he didn’t probe, probably hoping to maintain the easy-going nature of our last meal together, however fake it might have been.

It was long after we finished eating that I recalled the need to do one last assessment of Poe’s injuries, remembering something I’d promised to do before he left.

“Your cast!” I gasped, thinking out loud, startling Poe as he dried the last of our dishes. After turning around, smirking at himself for the way I’d made him jump, he rose the casted arm into his view.

“Oh yeah,” he realised, flexing the fingers. “I’d actually kind of forgot about it.”

“Well come on, one last assessment and you’re officially free of my care.”

I said the words with such pure intentions, yet it was starkly clear both of us were jarred by the reality hidden behind them - a cold, unbroken hush settling in the space. I noticed BB-8’s head movement from my periphery, once again calling into question our sudden stillness. He raced to my feet, squealing little beeps in an inflection I couldn’t understand. Poe’s expression swiftly turned aggravated at the droid, and didn’t immediately translate like I assumed he would.

“Is he okay?” I asked. “Did he say something important?”

Poe’s face forcefully relaxed in an attempt to seem unbothered by BB’s insistent beeps. “He’s just appreciative of how well you’ve treated me.”

I knew he was lying, but I could only assume it was better I didn’t discover what was really said. 

* 

Poe had perched himself back onto his hospital bed, and I could feel his gaze follow me as I placed the monitoring over his figure for the last time. The moment for conversation had obviously passed as we maintained a heavy silence during my final tests. He barely winced when I took blood, the results revealing all of his inflammatory markers had receded. The bruises had disappeared, the scars had begun to fade, even over his badly burned arm and torso.

I glanced to his face while taking some X-rays of his femur, pulling up the initial post-crash shots and scribbling down my final progress notes on the healing of the fracture. He seemed awed once again at the damage I’d managed to repair, and he turned thoughtful as he looked down at his perfectly functional leg. I could tell without words he was grateful, knowing we’d both experienced the outcome of those who might not have been so lucky as to keep their limb after such an injury.

I’d kept the casted arm until last, wishing to drag out these final moments, most likely the only thing he’d truly remember of our time together. A comforting thought simmered into my awareness, realising his deeper scars wouldn’t fade for years yet, somewhat of a memento etched onto his skin.

The X-rays were textbook. The fracture line had fused nicely, with almost no irregularity in the shape of the bone shaft. The cast had done its job, and now, there was no need for it to be connected to him anymore.

Just like me.

I pulled my thermal scissors from within my medical trolley, used specifically to melt through the hardened plastic I’d moulded closely to his forearm. It was over in seconds, slicing through the cast and peeling it from his limb, the skin underneath looking slightly clammy but otherwise acceptable. As soon as he was free from the plastic he begun to flex and twist his wrist, a small exhale of relief slipping out of his throat.

“Well that just about does it,” I stated flatly. “You’re all healed up.”

Poe looked away from his newly freed arm and locked his eyes with mine. “I know I’ve said this a million times, and it will never be enough, but thank you.”

I looked down from his gaze. “You’re welcome. I’m glad I could help you.”

He lifted his left hand to my chin, tilting my head back up to meet his stare again, holding it there while he spoke. “You’re really good at your job Alex, I hope you realise that. You saved my life. And I won’t be the last one you save, I’m sure of it."

His eyes were so penetrating, so impassioned, that it made me want to turn away. I didn’t like being praised like this. It made the flesh under my skin feel itchy. Somehow, through no power of my own will, I kept my stare locked to him, confined into place with his thumb softly resting on my skin.

He began to breathe slower, more cautiously. “If we…” he started, voice barely above a whisper. “If we never see each other again…” The words trailed off as he seemed to grapple with the future bearing down on us. My heart was pounding painfully in my chest, instigated merely by the sensation of his fingertips pressed to my skin.

Please. Please stop making this so hard.  

“I won’t forget what you did for me… I won’t forget you.”

Without conscious thought I felt my hand begin to rise, instinct pulsing within to pull him into another fervent kiss. Before he noticed the movement, I wrenched it down, closing it into a fist. It was my own voice that echoed in my head, louder and louder.

I will not let this ruin me.

It felt cruel, the way I abruptly stepped away from his touch, but it needed to be. I glared back at him, hoping my words, particularly the meaning behind them, would suffocate the flames of yearning I kept seeing in his irises. “You’ve been a cooperative patient Poe, and I’m glad you survived. But I wouldn’t wish on seeing you in the future. It would only be because you’re in need of my medical care again.”

Poe’s head snapped back, stunned at my reply and the harsh recoil from his hand. Clearly, he'd predicted a different reaction. “You don’t know that,” he urged. “I could come ba-”

I flew my hand up, palm forward, immediately indicating him to cease talking. “Don’t. Just don’t.”

He ruminated on my request for a few eerily silent moments before his stare turned fiery, irritated. “Why are you fighting this?” he shot, rattling me. “We both know there’s something here, something more than you’re willing to admit.”

His maddened tone made it harder to keep my stoic demeanour. “I told you why.”

“Wouldn’t it be more painful to leave each other like this?” he retorted, the muscles in his arms tightening. “Not acknowledging what I know you feel? Pretending it’s not eating you alive, like it’s doing to me?”

A beat of silence passed before I turned and walked away.

I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t keep my restraint if he continued interrogating me this way, revealing emotions a strangled part of me hoped he had. I wasn’t strong enough for that. I needed distance.

“Alex!” he boomed, hearing him leap off the bed behind me. “Tell me you haven’t felt it! Tell me you don’t want to give in to it!”

“I barely know you!” I shouted, swirling to face him again. “You are- were my patient! And you’re about to leave! You shouldn’t come back here, and I shouldn’t go with you!”

“You know more about me than nearly all of the galaxy! And that’s within five days!” he growled, offended. Poe took a tentative step towards me, letting some of the anger recede before speaking again. “I would come back for you. I would come back, if I survived, if you wanted me to. If you admitted what you’re keeping hidden, the feelings that made you kiss me.”

“Please stop doing this,” I begged, a hopeless attempt to keep him at bay, my resilience starting to fizzle away. “You seemed to understand yesterday. That it would be too difficult if we crossed that line.”

He shook his head in frustration. “I've already crossed it Alex." His eyes turned pleading, an intensity within them I was sure I hadn't witnessed before. "I don't want to ignore it anymore, what I feel for you. I can't keep holding back."

I pulled my hands into fists, resisting every temptation to throw away resolve and allow myself to experience the warm glow of happiness his revelation brought. There was no denying the way in which my walls started to weaken, mercilessly barraged by the raw emotion he was exposing.

Don’t give in Alexys. His life, and yours, depend on it.

The voice toughened my determination, enough to keep my willpower solid against the craving to surge into his arms. “I guess I’m just stronger than you are,” I muttered, turning again to prevent catching any type of reaction in Poe’s face. Even one glimpse would make me crumble.

I stormed down the hallway, desperate for the isolation of my quarters, closing the entry and setting the lock. Falling back into the door, my teeth felt like they were going to shatter if I clenched my jaw any tighter.

My brain focused solely on the rhythm of my breathing, centring on the quickened rate, trying to force it into a more calmed pace. Soon I began to concentrate on expanding my lungs, inhaling until the space was full of air, letting it sit there as long as I could hold, before allowing it to whistle out of my nostrils.

That’s all I permitted myself to think of, the slow inhale and exhale, imagining the oxygen particles seeping into my bloodstream, travelling to every cell in my body, keeping me functioning amongst the turmoil thrashing through my soul.      

*

Time passed. I wasn’t really keeping track on how quickly. Imprisoned in my own mind, pacing my quarters, continuing the attention on my breathing. It was the only thing that kept me stable, that pushed away the memories of Poe’s voice ringing in my thoughts.

Eventually my legs grew fatigued from the movement, and I placed myself on the sofa, dropping my head into my hands, grasping my fingers through my hair in frustration.

He couldn’t have just left it alone. He couldn’t have just ignored it, departed this planet and forgot all that happened here.

A memory slipped through the cracks, pushing its way out into the forefront of my awareness. One that refused to be smothered.

'I would come back for you.'  

I shook my head within my clenched hands, trying to physically rid myself of it. I wanted to claw my fingers into my brain, pluck the memory from my inside my head and banish it forever, never to torture me again.

Breathe. Focus on your breathing Alexys.

The voice caused a realisation to strike, how hard it had become, my ribs stuck in place, intercostal muscles rigid, refusing to let my lungs inflate. It felt as if gravity had increased its pressure over my body, making me crumple underneath its increased weight. The load was too much, my head screaming for oxygen. I knew what was happening, I knew I was in the throes of a crushing panic, helpless to stop the cascade of anxiety from taking over.

Instinct was quick to surface, telling me exactly what to do. What I’d done only once before.

I withdrew my fingers from their entanglement within my hair, placing the tips on each side of my temple, and within my depths, I set it free. The energy swiftly begun to course through my blood, bringing with it an incredible radiance that lit up my veins. It crawled its way through every capillary, every vessel, as if it was replacing my own blood with its glow.

Soon, it weaved itself through my chest cavity, relaxing the muscles clamping down on my lungs, the relief of an easier breath making me feel lighter. It's journey didn’t cease, surging through my neck to my brain, twirling in between the individual neurons, clouding me with a feeling of peace, serenity, the rest of the world blocked off from my senses.

I wanted to stay in this place forever. Every fear, every sadness, every frustration, all of it melting away into nothing. I felt whole, a brilliant euphoria shimmering from every part of my being.

Let go. You cannott linger here for too long.

My fingernails were suddenly pierced into the pillows of the sofa, panting, grateful I had something to remind me not to surrender myself to the dangerous void any longer. The energy recoiled instantly, my own invisible hands pushing it within the confinement I'd kept it behind for much of my life. I took a moment to push it even deeper down my consciousness, praying it would be too far for Rey to sense when she arrived.

The panic was gone, my chest moving in even time, an aura of composure enduring even with the healing energy locked away. But it also left me exhausted, my brain feeling slightly fuzzy with fatigue. Although for this, I was glad. Even a short time in the peace of sleep would stop me from thinking about Poe.

I had just risen from my seat, about to walk to the comfort of my bed for however long time would allow, when there was a solid bang at my door. I tilted my head in confusion at the noise, knowing Poe would have simply knocked if he wanted entry. Although right now, that seemed extremely unlikely.

When I heard an artificial squealing piercing the air behind the wood, it was obvious what had made the sound.

BB-8 was still beeping urgently when I allowed him entry into my quarters, whizzing past my legs before I even had time to greet him. I noticed the sound of the ‘fresher running as he rolled quickly to the space before my sofa, his head movements darting from me to the pillow where I had just been seated. He wanted me to sit down, that was clear, but I couldn’t determine why.

I did what was requested, settling back down, BB-8 at my feet, his eye appearing to whir and focus in on my face. He was quiet for a moment, doing what I could only imagine was a droid’s version of thinking, before his head darted away. Suddenly a burst of blue light flickered into the air, floating the outline of an image on top of the metal table that sat in front of us.

He was showing me a hologram.

It was fuzzy at first, slowly becoming clearer, displaying a scene I hadn’t been privy to this afternoon. The simulated image of Poe was sitting at my office desk, his own hologram transmission only just visible in the blue beam.

It appeared BB was showing me a long way into their discussion, Poe’s face stressed as he listened to the multiple figures in the holo, their lips forming words that only came out muffled.

“I don’t think you should be showing me this BB-8,” I fretted quietly, acknowledging how private Poe had been with Resistance information.

BB-8 beeped insistently, sounding like he disagreed, and continued playing the holo. The voices became more defined, eventually loud enough for me to make them out.

“We’ll have another X-wing ready for you as soon as you make planet fall,” an older woman’s voice explained. I could only assume it was Leia’s, holding a gentle yet authoritative tone. "Do you think you’ll be ready to attempt the mission again as soon as you return?”

Poe didn’t immediately answer, and I could almost make out the pain in his holo image.

“What is it?” another woman, a lot younger sounding, questioned. Her voice was more on edge than Leia’s, speech displaying an accent I wasn’t familiar with. This was most likely Rey. “Are you still too injured?”

“I’m fine,” Poe reassured. “Better than fine really. Alex… uh, Dr. Jago had me walking within the first few days. And everything else has healed well enough.”

Yet another voice, this time a man's, piped in. "You broke your leg and she got you walking that quickly? There’s no way.”

Poe rolled his eyes, the small movement still obvious in the flickering image. “Finn, you nearly died and you can still doubt the effect of bacta? That stuff fixed your shattered spine for maker's sake.”

“Still took more than a few days though,” Finn mumbled.

“It’s irrelevant,” Leia interjected, seemingly annoyed for a moment, before softening. “Is something wrong Poe?”

His eyes looked down from the hologram in front of him, hesitant to answer. “Is there…” he started, breathing in as if to gain courage. “Is there anyone else who could make that flight?”

All three of the figures recoiled in disbelief at the question.

“You’re the best pilot we have,” Leia said definitively. “There’s no one else who could navigate that route except you.”

“What about Rey?” he retorted, looking to her figure insistently. “She’s got the Force to help her.”

Rey sighed, troubled. “I... already tried. I thought maybe your navigation system may have malfunctioned, preventing any tracking, but that you’d still made it to-” BB-8’s hologram suddenly became engulfed in static for a few moments, leaving me unable to hear the destination of Poe’s mission. Eventually the picture cleared into the same scene, only a few seconds later. "-but I couldn’t make it through. It was too dangerous to traverse, even with the Force to guide me.”

“Why are you even asking us to find someone else?” Finn challenged. “You were more than ready to do it yourself a week ago.”

Poe gritted his teeth, looking somewhat ashamed. “I know.”

There was silence in the holo, and for a moment I thought this was all BB-8 wanted to show me. But Leia’s voice struck up again. "Finn, Rey, could you let me talk to Poe privately?”

From their small faces I could still see them look quizzically at each other, Finn appearing more puzzled by the request. But they left under the General’s orders, slinking past the frame of the holo.

“Poe… Tell me. Tell me what’s changed,” Leia urged softly. “You and I both know you’re the only one who can do this. And if there’s something worrying you, or making you doubt yourself, you need to tell me.”

He looked despairingly at her, uncomfortable with the prospect of hiding anything from his General. “I don’t want to admit it.”

Leia breathed out heavily. She began to pace inside the holo, arms folded in thought, before turning back to speak to Poe again, her face gentle. “It’s the doctor, isn’t it?”

It took an excruciatingly long time before Poe responded, finally nodding his head.

I felt every muscle in my body tense at his reply, heart thrumming to a faster beat.

“I thought so,” Leia whispered. “I... wasn’t expecting this.”

“Neither was I, General. I’m sorry.” The expression he wore, filled with such unyielding turmoil, shot a pang of cold ice through me.

Leia looked kindly to him, her face melting into understanding. “Oh Poe, you don’t have to apologise. You aren’t the first, and you won’t be the last, to question everything for the sake of their emotions.”

“I want to do what we planned. I do. I’m ready,” he asserted, voice rising into confidence, only for his face to fall again. “But every time I think of leaving her…” His face became buried in his hands, frustrated, unable to finish his sentence.

“Does she feel the same way?”

“I don’t know,” Poe muffled under his palms. “I... think so. She’s holding back. Her loyalty to this clinic is annoyingly similar to mine with the Resistance.”

“So she wouldn’t consider coming with you, joining us? We desperately need doctors of her calibre.”

He pulled his face back up. “I asked. And she refused. She would never want to leave, fearing for the health of her patients without her here. Not to mention she’s staunchly against the war we’re fighting in.”

“She sounds like someone I would like to meet,” Leia smiled to herself. “So... That’s why you don’t want to return yet. Why you need someone else to complete the mission. You want more time with her.”

Poe nodded slowly. “I know we don’t have much time to get-” Another fuzz intercepted Poe’s speech, an additional piece of information too confidential for my ears. “-but I just… I just don’t want to go yet. If someone was able to go in my stead, then I wouldn’t be completely dooming us. I know it’s selfish… Irrational… But the thought of leaving her behind right now, on a mission I might not make it back from… It’s too much.”

“Oh,” Leia mouthed, her voice muted. “Do you… Do you think that you…”

She didn’t have to finish her question. Poe knew what she was implying.

“I… think I could. If I had more time, a chance to figure it out.”

His revelation made me stop breathing, a tear wriggling from the duct, crawling down my face.

Leia sighed loudly, her stress evident. “I wish I could Poe. I would want nothing more than to give you this, after all you’ve given for the Resistance. But you’re the only one who has a chance of completing this mission, and we are desperately running out of time and options.”

Poe clenched his eyes shut as she finished, his jaw tightening, lips fighting back a frown. He took a few moments held in this position before relaxing himself back into composure, his face serious and professional. “I understand,” he replied flatly. “I’ll get this mission accomplished General. See you back at the base.”

“I’m truly sorry Poe-” Leia began to apologise, only to be interrupted by his sharp tone.

“It’s fine. Tell the engineers to make sure the new X-wing is prepped before my return. I want to leave as soon as possible.”

Leia nodded, her expression remorseful.

Suddenly the blue, illuminated image was ripped from my view, the rest of my quarters coming back into focus around me.

My body was stuck, motionless in the now painful silence filling the air. Inside my mind there was chaos, memories of the hologram darting around randomly. I tried to capture at least one rational thought, to analyse the emotions bubbling up from within my chest.

He wanted to stay. For me. Everything he wanted to accomplish, for the Resistance, for his friends, for his parents, for the galaxy. He wanted to put it all on hold.

Just for me.

He’d been right. I was holding it back, the same thing he felt, and it was clawing at my insides, desperately wanting to be set free.

Purely out of my selfishness, my own excuses, the voice in my head threatening our lives. All of it keeping me from what I really wanted.

Him. I wanted him. To be close to him. Even if it was just for a little while.

You’re giving in? So easily?

Damn right I am.  

~

Next Chapter

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[noethicalconsumptionunderdisney]

Hogwarts Sorting Profile: Max Russo

So, confession time: Initially, I wasn’t actually planning on writing one of these for him.  I’m sorry!  I love Max, but he’s often in the background of Wizards of Waverly Place and just has these really random plots thrown in his direction, rather than interesting character-exploration-type shit like the main sibs.  (Which, to be fair, is probably why some of y’all might be curious what I’m going to say about him.)

But I was thinking about what makes Max so odd as a character, and specifically I was thinking about him in comparison to other characters of his archetype in the Disney Channel-verse.  Because we’ve seen the messy, funny, underachieving brother character a lot, but they come in very different flavors.  Part of that for Max is that he shares some of those traits with Alex in contrast to the overachieving, overly serious Justin, but part of that is… Max often seems to be in his own little world, incomprehensible to mortals and wizards alike, and generally takes in the “real-world” around him with a shrug.  He still cares about the “real-world” when it suits him, but he’s often kind of divorced from it, and that discovery fascinated me.  Furthermore, it made his Sorting “click.”

We’ll start off easy: what does Max do?  The answer is… he’ll do pretty much anything.  He’s not a Burned Secondary, though, he just doesn’t give a fuck.  Max is every bit the Slytherin Secondary that Alex is, we just don’t usually notice because he spends most of his time in his Neutral State.

The Slytherin Secondary’s Neutral State is blunt, rough, and often unphased by stepping on people’s toes. It’s easy to mistake this for a Gryffindor Secondary’s honesty, but it comes from a different place: comfort, relaxation, and/or apathy.  It doesn’t inspire or motivate so much as sit back and do as it pleases, and the Neutral State’s honesty is there for convenience rather than necessity— if a different tactic will work better, a Slytherin Secondary can ditch their honesty and change direction far more easily than a Gryffindor Secondary.

Max isn’t exactly shy about saying what’s on his mind, even if it’s usually dismissed as nonsense.  He also does seem to charge into situations without a care sometimes, but that’s the thing: he’s able to charge into those situations because he doesn’t care.  When he tests out the zombies’ No-Fear Ring, it doesn’t work on him because he’s already fearless.  So while some Slytherin Secondaries are nervous about showing their honesty to others and only show their Neutral State when they’re home safe with people they’re comfortable with, Max lives in his honest Neutral State because he feels comfortable and safe most of the time… even in situations where he really, really shouldn’t.

Curiously, one situation where he doesn’t feel comfortable or safe has very little to do with actual danger, but about personal identity: when he’s turned into Maxine.  And in Maxine’s body, he’s a lot more manipulative.

“You know, I can’t help it if people think I’m cute.  Watch how I make it work for me.”

As Maxine, he uses his cuteness to get out of chores, to get revenge on Alex and Justin in karate, to guilt dishonest customers out of cheating his parents, and comes up with a plan to talk his “boy self” up to a girl he likes as Maxine so that she’ll like him when he changes back.  Yeah, can’t imagine why Maxine reminded Jerry and Theresa so much of Alex…

But there are Slytherin Secondary indications from Max in his usual form as well.

He has no qualms about outright lying — inventing a fake illness to get out of P.E., pretending to be “Tom Sawyer” so he wouldn’t be embarrassed by/compared to his family — but he prefers obfuscation, aka confusing people with his “Max-ness.”

“How do you get your brother to say what’s really on his mind?”

“Oh, I use randomness.”

“What?”

“Well, I just say random things and while people are trying to figure it out, they say stuff that’s on their mind.”

One example of this tactic being employed successfully is with the Genie.  While Alex fails to outsmart the Genie using her quick wits, as the Genie is every bit as cunning as her, Max figures out a way to piss off the Genie enough to blackmail her, then talks circles around her and confuses her until she reveals a way for them to undo her wishes.  Alex calls it “outdumbing” her, but in any case, he succeeded where she failed, and showed that he’s more capable than often assumed.

We get another rare moment of clarity from Max during “Alex Tells The World.”  

“Alex, you know you can’t reveal magic!”

“Oh, even I know that. That’s why I just make people think I’m dumb so if I slip up, ehh, they figure, the kid’s an idiot.  And I slip up all the time, so.  Who’s dumb now?”

Max’s admission that he “slips up all the time” isn’t exactly reassuring, but it is telling that he’s the only one who doesn’t reveal magic during both the Season 4 Premiere and the Season 3 Finale.  Perhaps it was dumb luck that got him there, but I think there’s more to it than that.  There’s a method to his madness.  There’s a logic to it, even if Max’s logic often doesn’t follow all the way through.

Which leads me to his Primary— Ravenclaw.  (LOOK I KNOW. HEAR ME OUT.)

Yes, Max is often seen as “the dumb one.”  Yes, Ravenclaws are perceived as “the smart house.”  And while I’ve just demonstrated that there’s a brain under all the Max weirdness, I’m not about to argue that he’s secretly a genius.  He misses the mark more often than he hits it, and oftentimes when he hits it, it’s through coincidence or dumb luck or Insane Troll Logic that’s impossible for anyone but Max to follow.  But I do believe he operates on logic, just his own wacky version of it.

The thing about Max is that he’s neither as dumb as most people think he is, nor is he as smart as he thinks he is.  He’s somewhere in between, and the fact that people never quite know where exactly he falls on that scale is kind of the point.

In fact, part of the reason I struggled with Max was because I was trying to figure out where exactly he did fit in:

He can be selfish enough at times to argue Slytherin Primary, the stereotypically “selfish” House, but he’s missing Justin’s protective streak.  He doesn’t feel that same sense of duty towards his family that Justin does; when Mason breaks Alex’s heart in “Wizards vs. Werewolves,” Justin turns on him instantly because he Hurt His Little Sister And Is Therefore Bad, while Max is the one most willing to give Mason a chance, because he has his own reasons for wanting Mason in his life.  Yet, he still clearly cares enough about his family to rule out the possibility that they don’t factor into his morality at all, not to mention how easy it is for them to influence him.  

His more humble ending of inheriting his father’s sub shop might make people think Hufflepuff Primary, but there’s even less justification for such a sorting upon scrutiny.  As I’ve touched on above, the staunch loyalty to community isn’t all that important to him, and he’s also not all that into traditions.  There’s no compulsion to help strangers, he doesn’t really make enemies but he kind of just ignores people he doesn’t like (or shatters them in a million pieces on accident), and let’s not forget that he unleashed countless monsters in New York City that killed all the Monster Hunters just to win the competition… even if he did do it when his Conscience was separate from the rest of him.  Not exactly behavior you’d expect from the morality system of “a person’s a person no matter how small.”

Speaking of Conscience, it’s notable that he argues with it, rather than accepting his advice. I’m still a little unclear as to how much this matters (there’s definitely room to argue that most of his brain went into Conscience as well, and that whole plotline was… weird), but even with his Conscience inside his body, he seems to lack that moral drive Alex has.  Gryffindor Primaries have this embedded sense of justice deep within their characters. Even when it’s hidden most of the time, like in Alex’s case, or when it becomes twisted into something dark and dangerous, or becomes Stripped of its certainty, there’s still this sense that there is Right and Wrong in this world, that trusting your gut should lead you to the right conclusion, and that it’s wrong to ignore it.  I have a hard time remembering if there’s really any situation where Max gets that gut feeling of Something Being Wrong at all, much less acting on it with a Heroic Plan… at least, not without convincing.

But Max can be convinced, and that’s key.  Alex often takes advantage of this to manipulate him for her own selfish ends, such as talking him into paying her for handing out fliers to her zombie prom, but more often it’s his parents that act as his voice of reason, whether it’s convincing him to go after the “deli robber,” convincing him to give his siblings a fair shot at the Wizard Competition, or convincing him to tell his girlfriend the truth… and then unconvincing him of that when he takes it too literally and tells her he’s a wizard.  

Actually, Max is prone to misinterpreting advice in this way while trying to follow it to the letter— he does this when he tries to sell fountain water with a puppy, as well, because his mom told him to “add something to it.”  I think he is, to an extent, aware of his own intellectual limits.  He knows he misses the mark a lot of the time, so he’s often willing to trust other people’s judgment over his own, so long as they can get it through to him in a way that he thinks makes sense.

But beyond that, he’s often willing to question “common knowledge” in a way the other characters don’t. When Justin tries to tell him he can’t make life out of the stuff from his room, he simply replies, “Where’s it say that?”  In season 4, when there’s a distinct possibility that he’ll win the competition, he expands the sub shop business by making the Wizard Portal into a Drive-Thru, which genuinely worked as a business plan until Jerry took it too far.  Later that season, he saves his siblings by creating a black hole and then jumping through it to pull them to safety from the black hole in Alex’s apartment.  Like, that was his idea.  He came up with that.  It was weird, it was risky, it was unconventional, it could’ve been incredibly stupid… and it worked.

And that’s what I keep coming back to with this Ravenclaw Primary sorting— that sense of ingenuity, curiosity, and the willingness to experiment.  On one hand, you have your System Claws, who are dedicated to The Rules because they’ve been convinced that living by them is The Best Way To Live, and on the other hand, you have those that are willing to challenge conventional wisdom and try new things.  It’s this willingness to question that I personally attribute to a Ravenclaw mentality, rather than inherent intellectual ability or a large knowledgebase.  While Max may not have the latter, he has the former in spades, and that, more than anything, is really what told me that he truly belongs here.

Conclusion:

Max Russo is a Ravenclaw Primary and a Slytherin Secondary.

As a Slytherin Secondary, Max often likes to confuse and obfuscate to get what he wants, is flexible in his methods, and can even be manipulative when he wants to be.  He’s also relatively comfortable with himself, thus he often lives in a Neutral State where he says whatever’s on his mind without thinking much about danger or whether he’ll be understood.

His Ravenclaw Primary is as curious as it is undefined, and operates on a logic that only Max truly understands.  While this leads him astray more often than not, this also allows him to break from tradition and try new things, and this unconventional thinking can sometimes lead to better solutions than anyone else could’ve come up with.  However, it also comes with a set of brakes in the form of taking input from others.  It’s not always easy to get through to Max, but he can be reasoned with, which in his case, is probably for the best. 

In this combination, we find a character who truly dances to the beat of his own drum.  As the most flexible Secondary and Primary, respectively, Max is a conundrum to most who meet him, confusing even to those who know him best.  That said, being the Russo who “goes with the flow” the most often, he’s also probably the Russo that has the most fun.  He’s certainly more fun to write about than I was expecting him to be!  I’m glad I did, and it’s good to be back.

#sortinghatchats #max russo #wizards of waverly place #house sorting #hogwarts houses #wowp analysis #character analysis #sorting profiles #this one's kinda long but i think it might actually be a little shorter than the alex one #so not too bad #might be about the same; not sure #in any case: #long post #(very very) #harry potter #(sorta)

[loliwrites]

Y’all. I did it. I wrote something that wasn’t fluff. I’m patting myself on the back. I hope you all enjoy 😌

Warnings: 🥵 18+, nsfw, dd/lg leanings (if you feel I’m missing one shoot me a message and I’ll get it sorted -- safe space, y’all!)

•   •   •

Look, relinquishing control was not something Addi was good at. Nor was it something she liked or preferred to do. She had spent the better part of her young adult years keeping a firm grasp on control so she could dictate when, why, and how things would happen in her life. Get into a good university? Check. Because that year, she was the only student to fill out a paper application and walk it right into the dean’s office of the film school. She vouched for her immediately. Get a job, post-grad, at a prestigious production company? Check. Because she had done enough research and had randomly bumped into the SVP at a swanky downtown bar. She had the job within three days. Write and sell a movie? Check. Because she worked her ass off and got into a lot of rooms she’d rather not be in until she could get into the room of her choice.

And then came Alex.

She was already kneeling on a pillow in front of him; her clothes making up a trail behind her. She flicked her eyes up to his and parted her lips slightly when he lowered a hand and dragged his thumb across her bottom lip. As she waited for his next direction, she thought about all the subtle things she’d picked up on that indicated to her what kind of night she was in for.

1. His eyes were a dead giveaway. The usually pale blue orbs that penetrated her soul, were much darker when he came home today. A storm was brewing in them. A mix between frustration and lust, and by this point, Addi knew it well.

2. The way he grabbed at the knob on the front door… the refrigerator… the chair at the kitchen table. The force sent a ripple of tension through his whole body; the tendon in his forearm constricted and flexed. She knew it’d be doing the same thing on her hair soon enough.

3. The silence he moved with while deep in thought. This wasn’t the sort of silence that occurred when he was working. That silence, of running lines, and hashing out his character, was riddled with slight mumblings and whispers. This was a stone, cold silence that would've creeped out the most hardened of people. It was calculated, and Addi knew he’d have a short fuse tonight.

“Hm?”

She blinked, pulling herself out of her thoughts, and focused on Alex at the sound of his soft, inquisitive hum. She’d missed what he had said and knew that was wholly apparent to him.

“It’s going to be a long night for you if don’t listen.” Knowing he had her full attention now, he tried again. “Don’t move,”

Addi nodded. Alex quickly broke away from his spot in front of her. She turned her head to watch him walk away, towards the bedroom, leaving her left behind. A soft whine passed her lips in slight protest.

“Oh hush,”

She watched him until he was no longer in sight, but even then kept her eyes glued on the hallway to await his return. When she heard his footsteps coming back, she turned back around and faced forward, waiting as he wanted her to.

“We’re gonna play a game tonight,” he smiled to himself, seeing her right where he left her. How far she had come from the little spitfire who was ready to fight him at every turn. And she had done so of her own volition. “Every time you’re a good girl, you’ll get a reward. If not, a punishment. Got it?”

“Got it—” It started off strong, but the moment he stepped back in front of her, now clutching onto her vibrator, she had less of an idea of what was going on.

“Safe words?”

He wasn’t asking as if they had changed and he was unaware of them. He was asking her to recite them. Addi nearly rolled her eyes, but it was like Alex could tell what was going through her mind and he cocked an eyebrow at her, daring her to be sassy with him. She opted not to. This was par for the course; he checked in with her like this every time they were about to embark on a wild night.

“Yellow, for pause. Red, for stop…”

“And if you’re not in the position to be speaking?”

“I tap your foot,”

Her answer earned a grin from Alex. He crouched down in front of her, maintaining eye contact as he turned on the vibrator and cycled through the settings until he found the one he knew she had little control with. “Good girl.” He placed the vibrator on the pillow, between her legs. “Down,”

Addi was quick to obey. It took a stronger woman than she to deny the quick opportunity for pleasure. She knew it would also be short lived. A quick, breathy moan passed her lips at her body’s first contact with the toy. It spurred Alex to stand back up. She forced herself to maintain eye contact, knowing that’s what he wanted, but found it increasingly hard to do so the longer the toy vibrated against her sensitive core.

Alex took a small step towards her, his crotch within reach of her mouth. The bulge in his pants already visible. “Up,” he growled. With this, Addi was far less quick to obey. Alex wasn’t impressed. “Up,” he barked louder. The sheer volume of it was enough to startle her off the vibrator, hovering above it. “I won’t ask twice. You’ll just get a punishment. Understand?”

She nodded, mumbled a hum for verbal affirmation.

He smirked and took a piece of her hair between his fingertips, gently twisting and curling it around before tucking it behind her ear. She was already staring at the bulge in his pants, which only made him smile harder. “You want daddy’s cock down your throat?”

She switched her gaze up to his and nodded as she chewed on her bottom lip. “Please,”

A growl rumbled through his chest; this one out of pure frustration. Not at her, but at himself for this game he decided to play. Maybe she had more self-control than he did. “Take it out,” he smiled and watched her hands move to his belt instantly.

Knowing this would get her another chance to sit down on her vibrator, she pushed his pants away from his hips and down to his ankles with precision and skill like never before. Then the task for his boxer briefs. She untucked them over his length and pushed them down until they met with his pants. Just the sight of him like that made her want to melt. She lifted her hands to his shaft, but before she could make contact, Alex clicked his tongue and grabbed her attention.

“Down.” He snickered at the speed with which she obeyed and gave her another command as she was mid-moan. “Suck,”

She obeyed that order instantaneously and enthusiastically. All she wanted to do was please him and when she glanced up at him with her tongue circling the head, she knew she was doing just that. His breathing had grown heavier. He was staring at her as if it were impossible for him to look away. And when her vibrator hit a spot that felt particularly good, a deep groan reverberated from her throat, and Alex lurched forward at the feeling. She wasn’t going to be able to be at this for very long. On any given day, blowing him was enough to get her turned on and riled up. Now — with her vibrator — it wasn’t going to take long at all. Something in her knew that Alex knew that, too. And this was just the beginning. He wasn’t touching her yet; letting her bob her head as much as she wanted to, and take what she could for the time being. He was letting her get warmed up.

That would soon end.

“Up,”

Addi let out a frustrated growl for herself and lifted herself off the vibrator. Even with the separation, her body still shuttered, working through its own sensitivity. Her hands tightened around Alex’s shaft and she glared up at him. If looks could kill, he’d have been a dead man.

But upon her vocalization and stare, he raised his eyebrows and cocked his head to the side, “did you want to file a complaint?”

She snapped her head back and dragged her mouth off him teasingly. “No, daddy,”

“That’s what I thought,” he grinned. “Who told you to stop?”

Mostly annoyed that he made her sit up from her vibrator, she let out a quiet huff and continued to stare him down. “You asked me a question,”

Alex smirked. He bared his teeth and took his length in one hand and pressed his other against the back of her head, taking a fistful of her hair. “Open,”

She just glared at him, daring him to do his worst. If she goaded him into making a choice, it meant she’d get some solid time sitting on her vibrator, even if that meant she was at his mercy.

He shook his head and clicked his tongue. “Wrong choice,” an extra tug on her hair let her know that he wasn’t in the mood for any of her own games. He began stroking himself; his tip tapping her lips with each stroke. He pressed a bit harder, but when she pursed her lips and kept them shut, he about lost it. “Down. And you don’t come until I tell you to.”

She gladly sat back down on her vibrator, but opened her mouth and let out a small whine so Alex didn’t think she was too enthused about it. It didn’t fool him. Instead, he used her whine as an opportunity to stuff his length back into her mouth. She choked at first, the pushing of his hips forward stretching her mouth more than before. She glanced up at him, finding him already staring at her, smirking. An animalistic growl escaped from his throat. Addi set her hands on his thighs, nails curling into his skin when a strong shudder jolted through her body.

Alex reprimanded that response too by pushing on the back of her head harder. His jaw dropped, his own moans getting louder and louder… And then he felt it: her throat tightening around his shaft. He grumbled a profanity and pulled her head back for just a second. Just enough time for her to gasp in a breath of air. Then he pressed her head back down until her nose brushed against the base of his length. Her own mewls of pleasure were not lost on him. He was very aware of each of the twitches and shakes that overwhelmed her body. Despite her mouth being completely filled, he could tell she was close just by the frequency of her moans.

“Not yet,” he mumbled. It earned a quick glance from her. Again, Alex lurched forward upon feeling her tongue swipe along the underside of his length. He pulled her head back and let out a shaky breath, “goddamnit.” He stroked himself quickly, using his hold on her hair to keep her head still. A few tears had broken loose and fell down her cheeks. “You’re gonna be a good girl and come for me?”

She nodded eagerly, knowing it was fast upon her. Her hands curled into tight fists. The feeling of the vibrator was making her throb now; her stomach in knots as she fought every instinct to release. Alex guided her head back in, setting her lips on his balls while he continued to stroke himself. She cupped a hand around his balls and licked over his sensitive skin, letting out a quick moan when she gently took one into her mouth, danced her tongue over it, then did the same to the other.

“Fuck, I’m gonna… I’m gonna…” he seethed out. The muscles in his stomach clenched and released. “Go,”

She fought against the hand on her head, pleased when he allowed her to do so, and repositioned her mouth on his length, sucking and milking him for every last drop. She didn’t have to wait long. Triggered by her own climax ripping through her, her lips tightened around the head of his cock. Alex held her still and offered a deep groan as he released into her mouth. Addi lifted herself off the vibrator, her body twitching as she finished riding out her orgasm, and as soon as she swallowed and released Alex’s length, she let herself topple over onto the ground. She was panting, her throat already going sore from Alex’s treatment. Even when she saw him crouching down to turn off the vibrator and check in on her, she didn’t have the energy to turn over onto her back for him. He had already ditched his pants but had pulled his boxer briefs back up in place.

Alex planted a sloppy kiss to her cheek and ran his hand back through her hair, paying careful attention to be gentle with the part that had gotten knotted from his grasp. “You’re so good,”

A breathless smile passed over her lips. She looked up at him as best she could and reached out to touch his leg. “Not too bad yourself,” a quick wink paired with her comment.

He smiled and stroked her cheek with the back of his fingers. “Are you in pain?” He waited for the shake of her head, then continued. “You sure?”

“I’m okay,” she persisted and rolled onto her back. Her core was still throbbing and her legs still felt like they weren’t going to be able to support her weight. “Bed?”

“Bed,” he agreed. Alex leaned forward on his knees and hooked his arms beneath her knees and behind her shoulders. He lifted her like she was weightless and got up to his feet, striding into the bedroom with surprising ease.

She was cradled to his chest, her arms clasped around his neck, and even when he bent over to lay her onto the bed, she didn’t release him. He smiled at her and brushed his nose back and forth against hers. She was clouded by joy and pleasure. Her eyes drifted open and shut in a relaxed and unhurried way. Even with them closed, she lifted her head and pursed her lips, happy when she felt Alex give her a gentle kiss. She took a deep breath in and stretched her arms above her head. Alex took the opportunity to migrate his lips to her chest, kissing and licking each of her breasts. Addi watched him and lowered one hand to the back of his head. She was enjoying the feeling of his weight pressed on her. A level of safety that she wasn’t used to feeling with a man.

Alex lifted his head, a wide smile still spread across his lips. “I’m gonna get you water and a washcloth. Good?”

“Good,”

One more peck on her lips and he lifted himself off her and left the room. Addi smiled to herself. She ran her fingertips down the center of her chest and down to her stomach. Never would she have believed that a man would be able to get her to go so willingly to her knees, to be made to feel small by his hands, and ultimately, so protected and safe in her sexuality.

Alex came back into the room. Sometime in his absence, he ditched his shirt and was only left in his underwear. Truly a sight to behold. Upon reaching the bed, he pecked her lips quickly and handed her the glass of water, which she took with the utmost gratitude. She was even more thankful that he had been thoughtful enough to get her a glass of room temperature water, knowing that cold water would probably irritate her raw and sore throat.

Her eyes were closed, mid-sip, when she felt Alex tap her thigh. An indication that he wanted her to spread her legs apart so he could clean her up. She let out a soft moan and spread them. She watched him drag the warm cloth along her inner thighs. A small giggle escaped her lips when he passed over a ticklish spot. The sound made his cheeks turn a light shade of pink and as he finished up, he took the glass from her hand and set it aside to press another kiss to her lips.

“I love you, kid,” he whispered, leaning his forehead against hers.

She grinned, “I know.”

Alex attacked her neck with a barrage of kisses and love bites, earning more shrieks and giggles from her. He dug his fingers into her ribs, tickling her with reckless abandon, until he heard her gasping for breath. “Say it,” he halted his playful attack on her.

“Say what?” She pursed her lips. Before he could start another barrage on her, she wrapped her hands around his neck and played with the ends of his hair. “That I love you? That no one makes me feel the way you do? That I honestly can’t imagine what my life would look like right now if you weren’t in it?”

Alex paused. All he could pull himself to do for the moment was stare at her. When he gathered himself, he nodded and cupped his hands over her cheeks and gave her a kiss that Addi swore was making her knees weak all over again.

#alexander skarsgard #alex skarsgard #alex skarsgard drabble #naughty al #sub addi #the game

[cheryls-blossomed]

do you think arrowverse ships have a lot of drama?

I mean, it depends on the ship, I guess?

But in general, superhero television has sort of veered away from quote-unquote internal drama in romantic relationships, at least the kind that makes a couple very ~will they/won't they~, by nature. Part of it is that I feel like TPTB on superhero shows are less concerned with romance. Like fanboys want to whine about romance, but none of the current CW DCTV shows, for example, had the amount of romantic shake-ups and romantic drama that Smallville did back in the day, especially in its first six seasons or so.

Like ships on Arrow had far more internal relationship drama, and a lot of it indicative of TPTB on that show having zero idea how to write relationships.

I feel like Flash bucked the initial "trend", if you can call it that, because we're like... talking third show down the line, here, lol, but it was very clear it was Westallen from the start, and Barry and Iris weren't operating from a place of initial distance, so to speak. Like in Smallville, Clark and Lana weren't in the same social circles, Clark had a crush on Lana, but he kind of keeps his distance because "high school social hierarchy" (which like never made much sense because most characters were either in love with Lana or Clark or both of them) and also her kryptonite necklace. When Lois came in, the show used Clark and Lana’s ongoing will they/won’t they to also drag out Clois. Regarding Arrow, Laurel and Oliver are exes, and Laurel has a lot of rightful anger towards Oliver for the way he treated her and the fact that he cheated on her with her sister. But Flash, Barry and Iris don't have any so-called walls of inaccessibility. There's the fact that Barry keeps being the Flash a secret and the fact that he's been in love with her his whole life, but hasn't told her, but that doesn't really alter the fact that they're both absolutely committed to like constantly seeing each other and providing love and support to one another. Barry admits to Iris that he's in love with her, and she's still wiping ketchup off his lips, because she's in love with him also, but also because it doesn't change her comfort level with him after she processes what he's confessed.

Anyways, I'm being a bit tangential, but my point is that romantic drama in Flash was very minimal in comparison to the preceding shows that I had mentioned, and because Barry and Iris had such a powerful bond right from the beginning, from a story-telling standpoint, it made sense to just build on that, showcasing the story of their steadfast love. And given that Barry draws his strength and heroism from his love of Iris, portraying their love story as the gold standard is pure excellence. Like Westallen have had minimal internal relationship drama, the vast majority of it being in season 1, when they weren't officially together. When they have disagreements, they always come back to discuss them healthily and apologize and reaffirm their love for each other. Because that's what health couples in love do. So, the way Flash has kept stakes high, so to speak, is to like put them through the trauma of being dimensionally separated or having to find their way back to each other, when they are physically separated from one another. Which is meant to obviously strengthen their love story and demonstrate the lengths that they would go to get back to each other. After awhile though, it gets exhausting... like just let them be happy and stop putting them through the trauma of being physically separated constantly.

But I think the problem with Flash, quite frankly, is TPTB lacks interest in romance, hence why the vast majority of the secondary ships are as... poorly written as they are. Part of me is confused, because Flash has the most steadfast, iconic love story in Westallen, and yet theirs is the only love story that TPTB could write well. And the show is inherently romantic, because of how good Westallen’s love story is and how their love story anchors the show. But also TPTB have simultaneously shortchanged Westallen in terms of scenes that emphasize their romance, especially in the last few seasons. The vow renewal honestly felt like it was a scene from a different season, not season 7, because the last time we had that level of romance, where Westallen are together and happy and celebrating their love, was like... I cannot even remember.

Supergirl had a different approach, where after completely backtracking on James/Kara, who had a nice build-up in season 1, decided to pair Kara with Mon-El, but then backed out of that relationship. There was run-of-the-mill romantic drama for both ships, especially Kara and Mon-El, and simultaneously, time spent on these ships didn't demonstrate commitment in the writers' room. Subsequently, the choice was to just have Kara be single, and honestly, I chalk this up to the SG writers having zero interest in romance, certainly for Kara. Even with Brainy/Nia, while they have some sweet moments, I don't feel the investment in the writers' room to write for them. However, I do think the SG writers really care about Dansen; this season, especially, I feel that they have shown genuine investment in Kelly and Alex's love story, and I think that's why Dansen is essentially the central ship of SG. I think part of it is that Azie and Chyler really spun gold together, and the SG writers wanted to write more for Dansen, which is why we've gotten such a beautiful, consistent love story in Kelly and Alex.

Black Lightning... well, the BL writers did great with Jefferson and Lynn in season 1, in terms of building back their love story, and the electric kiss is still one of my favorite scenes, but then completely dropped the ball on that relationship. The writing for Jefferson and Lynn started focusing on their disagreements, many of which are demonstrative of two people who no longer loved each other. Only to turn around at the last minute and have Jefferson and Lynn get remarried, even though this was not earned, because the writers refused to continue building their love story and instead seemed to showcase the relationship falling apart. I adore Thundergrace, but the BL writers never gave Anissa and Grace their due. They didn't even properly focus on Anissa and Grace during their own wedding reception, and Thundergrace milestones were often rushed. When Anissa and Grace had a disagreement, the writers would not address it, and the next episode, it would be as if nothing had happened. I would argue that the love story that the BL writers showed the most investment in was Khalil and Jen in season 2, but a big reason for that was to be a catalyst for Jen coming into her powers in season 2B. Plus, while they had chemistry, I didn't ship it, because at the time, it wasn't a healthy relationship for Jen. But yeah, I would say the BL writers had a distinct disinterest in writing romance.

So yeah, I mean, I guess the bottom line is that it depends on the show and the ship, but I would say the trend lately is less romantic drama, but also less focus on romance, in general, on superhero television shows.

#anonymous #replies

[leighlew3]

@facepalming-since-chernobyl​, 

Normally I don’t like to draw attention to this sort of toxicity, but since comments limit character amounts, I thought I’d address you here rather than on the original post. Mainly because I’ve seen these same points be brought up before by the occasional user, so I want to address them once and for all: 

First of all, “my precious Lena”...? I’m first and foremost always a Kara fan above anyone and everyone else. No matter what. And in fact, Lena was a character that grew on me over time. 

Secondly, I have repeatedly acknowledged Lena’s RECENT issues and behaviors towards Kara as problematic, and extensively explored the reasons behind them, without ever excusing them. All that being said, before this season, Lena Luthor treated Kara Danvers with nothing but respect. Their relationship, Kara’s secret aside, was, from DAY ONE, built on healthy support and kindness towards each other. Even through their conflict as Supergirl/Luthor in S3, they at least stood on equal footing with a shared, mutual hypocrisy in their actions and came to find common ground and work together side-by-side in support. I’ve also said many times how they should not be together in a romantic way until true growth, change and amends occur on the part of Lena, since the writers chose to push Lena this far this season. But someone having a moment, four seasons into their time on the show and becoming problematic and hurtful for a brief time in reaction to first being hurt... 

That is a far cry from someone who walked into the show as toxic from day one and behaved in highly problematic manners in regards to treating the lead heroine poorly, physically assaulting and beating her down (in reality, not VR), talked down to her repeatedly (both of these Mon-El) or belittled her and talked to her like she was a piece of shit (William, initially). I’ve also discussed how Mon-El redeemed himself in certain ways over time, but remained problematic in others (selfishness when it came to Kara and his wife). That’s not me “trashing” anybody, it’s just my perspectives based on what’s been shown. 

Now, if you’d like to discuss Lena’s problematic behaviors, which again - are problematic problematic problematic - I’m repeating it so this time you don’t miss it: We saw her punch Kara into an explosion in virtual reality, once. And Kara was fine and walked right out of the kryptonite containment. She was not tortured at all... at least not any more than when Alex or J’onn has used kryptonite for containment. She had no panic attack at all in there, rather, she had a breakdown from hurting Lena. And Lena never exposed Kara. We can’t hang people for what they might’ve almost done. This isn’t Minority Report. Her conscience came through there and she changed course. Just like it did when she was terrified she might actually hurt Kara with the canons and stopped it immediately, in a panic. Most of what you’ve discussed are unfortunately coming off as an extremist twisting / exaggerating of events. Only some of them are based in reality, and have been addressed as problematic. Repeatedly. 

If you’re going to discuss certain moments in the show then let’s at least discuss what actually happened, especially when it comes to a sensitive issue like this. Making things up doesn’t help anybody, nor create a solid foundation for your argument. 

For that matter, I’m not sure why you’re so deeply, personally offended by my perspectives to the point where you felt compelled to open your comment with a personal attack on me as an individual. Telling me, or anybody, to “go to hell” for their perspectives on fictional characters, exposes a deeper issue within yourself and tells me where you’re coming from, and why you’d inherently side with certain characters and hate others, and their fans. Your response indicates a tremendous amount of anger and hatefulness, but that’s something you need to work on and work through yourself. And I truly, genuinely wish you the best in doing so and in finding peace so you can, in the future, discuss things like this in a reasonable manner, and with common courtesy. 

[oddsnendsfanfics]

Unraveling at the Seams Pt 13

Genre: Fan Fiction Pairing: Alex Høgh Andersen/OFC, Henry Cavill/OFC Warnings: Language, Sexual Innuendo, Possible NSFW Rating: M Length: Multi Disclaimer: a strict work of fiction, I own nothing except the original characters and the plot line. In no way am I affiliated to any of it.  

A/N: Again, Tumblr has been a dick about tagging people. Apologies. 

thank you @flowers-in-your-hayr​ for the header :D

Catch Up Here

After Alex left, Nell had been the last person in the condo, until Marco had come back yesterday. Alex had gone through the place a few times making sure it was tidy, not too much dust had settled, and they had fresh groceries. A bottle of Jameson tucked into the supplies for dinner, Alex was set whenever Nell showed up.

Showering and changing his clothes twice, he had worked himself up over this more than the first time he'd gone out with her. That night he'd changed four times, couldn't decide what to do with his mess of hair, and nearly vomited twice before Marco shoved him out the door and told him to fucking relax. Tonight was a strong contender for a repeat.

Pacing, rearranging the cushions on the couch, and nervously drumming his fingers on the counter top Alex checked the clock on the wall for what felt like the millionth time in – only twenty minutes? Fuck this was excruciating.

“Calm the fuck down, dude.” Marco grumbled from the kitchen counter. Alex wanted to make pizza, too bad he was absolutely useless making dough. Swooping in to save the day, Marco kneaded the dough, before dropping in in the bowl to rise.

“I can't.”

“Why? It's not like this is the first date or some shit. Fuck, dude, you've seen her naked.” Snorting, Marco's eyes glinted with mischief. “You've also saw her ex naked. By now I assumed you'd have a handle on this.”

Death glaring at his roommate, Alex snorted. “I thought we agreed to never talk about that, again.”

“You may have agreed to that, I did not. Honestly, there are worse things. So what, you saw another guy's dick.”

“Can you not?”

“Think of it this way, you've second hand fucked Superman.” Laughing at his own joke, Marco snorted. He would never grow tired of this. Ever.

“Why are we friends? Why? I would never do this to you.” Alex pointed his finger at Marco, making an emphasis. Lies. All lies. If the tables were turned, he would be all over tormenting Marco about it.  “Jeg hader dig.”

“Det er ikke nogen stor sag,” Marco shrugged and wiped his hands on a dish towel. “She was practically living here before you went home.”

Rolling his eyes, Alex sighed, “Alright, fine.” conceding with his hands held in the air.

Cleaning up his work space, Marco watched Alex. Worked up, over nothing, Alex stood in the shared living space. Scratching his head and sighing heavily for what felt like the hundredth time in a handful of seconds. Wiping the counter down, Marco tried to be the supportive friend.

“You're going to have dinner, you're welcome by the way, and then what? Watch a movie? Make out? Discuss world politics? How bad can this be?”

“I'm breaking it off with her.”

“Oh.” The word formed on Marco's lips. His eyes wide in surprise. “Wait, are you sure?”

Any answer would have been accepted, except that. Marco eyed Alex curiously. Was he sure about this? Alex had worked his ass off  trying to impress this woman, he was going to let her go just like that?

“Yes.” Alex nodded, his eyes downcast. “It's not the right time, besides she really isn't that into it.”

“Then why not try to work it out?” Marco leaned against the center counter.

There were more ways around this than simply breaking it off. Alex Høgh Andersen didn't give up easily, so what gave?

“There's no sense. She isn't into it, she isn't into it. I jumped the gun and I guess what I wanted isn't as great as what I got. Dude, can't you see it? She still fucking loves him.” Alex groaned, his hands sliding down the sides of his face.

Fuck. He had been foolish. He should have left well enough alone and not even bothered.

“They have a kid together, of course she's going to love him.” What did Alex expect?  Marco felt that was pretty standard, especially if two people had a child together and were amicable.

“It's more than that,” Alex shrugged, he had made up his mind. He wanted out, while things were still clean. He would not be the reason holding somebody back. “I think he loves her, too. I am not being the guy who gets in the way of that.”

Scratching the bit of light stubble on his chin, Marco sniffed and pursed his lips - all things he did in thought, Alex waited for his friend to give him a pile of useless wisdom.

Alex had made up his mind, while visiting home. It wasn't a decision that he had come up with over night. The choice had taken time, one small step led to another, landing him here. Nell's feelings to Henry weren't the only deciding factor in this, though they had greatly helped.

“Is that what you're going to tell her? You're breaking up, because you don't want to stand in her way of fucking her ex -” Marco paused. “Is he her ex husband? No?”

“No, they were never married. She turned him down when he asked.”

“Poor Superman.” Marco shrugged it off. Returning to his original questions, “what are you going to tell her? She's going to want an answer.”

“Hadn't really thought about it.” Frowning, Alex knew Marco was right. Nell would want an answer.

Rolling his eyes and shaking his head, Marco groaned. “You're shit at this. Do you need me to stay and hold your hand?”

“No, you can leave.” In no way did he need Marco there to hold his hand. “Are you and Gee still going for drinks?” he tried to change the subject.

“Yeah, though now I may see if Henry wants to come. Ask him whether or not he loves his ex. Hold off on breaking up, you may not need to.”

“Fuck you.”

“You're really not my type, I don't like blue eyes.” Marco laughed throwing the dish towel at Alex. “Seriously, think of what you're going to tell her. Make it good. Make it sincere. And if you need to cry about it, you know where your room is.”

“You are truly an asshole.” Alex threw the towel back.

Catching the flying dish towel, Marco smiled and laughed. “At least I have enough balls to try and keep what I want.”

“Really? This is how you choose to be supportive?”

“You're my best friend, I love you man, but you're in over your head and not thinking clearly. Do whatever you want, but remember that you don't have to come to an end all be all. She may have feelings for the father of her child, but what are the chances she's going to act on it? What are the chances he will act on it?”

When did Marco suddenly get so damn smart?

“Besides, from what our friend Google tells us, Superman has a girlfriend and he isn't the cheating kind.”

“You Googled him?”

“You didn't?”

“No. Why would I do that?”

“Uh, because you're dating, I used the term loosely, the mother of his child. It's good to know your opponent. He seems like a chill guy, but you may not have to worry about him wanting to throw her over his shoulder and...”

“I am going to stop you there.” Alex held up a finger, to indicate this was the end of that sentence. “When are you leaving to meet Gee?”

Glancing at the clock, Marco shrugged. “Another hour.”

“Good, then why don't you go shower. Jerk off. Do your hair. Whatever it is you need to do before going out. Nell will be here in a few minutes.”

“Sure, sure, get rid of me.” Marco held up his hands, retreating from the kitchen. “But talk to her, before you break it all off and blow this to hell.”

Biting his bottom lip, Alex winced, biting down a little too hard on the flesh. Running his tongue over the small bite mark, he took a moment to let Marco's findings sink in. Perhaps he should have asked Marco where, exactly, he had found these claims.

Was it Alex's business what Henry did?

If he looked, it was only because he cared for Nell. Alex wanted what was best for her, even if he did plan to break it off. She was a fantastic person, a huge heart, and didn't deserve to be embarrassed by him asking her about her ex's relationships.

Alex would sweep it under the rug, surely Nell would be privy to that type of information. Not knowing Henry well, Alex did know that Ivan was a high priority, by way of that so was Nell.

Fucking Marco getting into his head.

Almost time for Nell, checking the clock again, Alex did one last sweep to make sure the condo was tidy. Dinner was prepped, all they had to do was assemble the pizzas and bake. Dough was happily resting, waiting until they were ready to use it. Hawaiian pizza wasn't Alex's first choice, though it apparently paired well with Jameson. He'd even remembered to get anchovies, again not his first choice, though Nell swore by them on any pizza.

The things you did when you wanted to impress a woman.

All day and last night, Nell had spent a portion of time intermittently wondering what Alex wanted. He didn't sound like his usual happy to see her, puppy dog like self. His mood placid. A hint of melancholy in his tone as he'd spoke.  Conceivably she could be over reacting. She'd been tired when he'd called, she could have easily taken it in a way it wasn't meant to be.

No, there was an off feeling.

She'd felt it then and as she made her way to his place.

A knot in her gut tightened, growing closer to the condo. Alex was out of sorts and here she was, going into this with an intention of leaving unattached. Was she a horrible person, by not wanting to continue seeing him, all because she was moving?

In her head she reran every situation that she had deemed possible. Alex would possibly be upset, which she would reassure him it was all on her. Nothing to do with him, cliche, but honest.

What if he wanted to break it off with her? That one she liked. Getting a way out with no hard feelings, because they both wanted the same thing.

Then there was the part where they would have to work together, for a short while, before she moved. How awkward would that be? Did she drag this on, leading him to a dead end, allowing him to think things were fine between them only to break it off last minute?

Nell hated herself for all of these situations.

If he tried to talk her out of it, then she would have to be firm. No amount of reconsidering saw her leaving Dublin attached, especially not to Alex.

Mustering the courage, she rang the buzzer, the door unlocked and she was inside. A pause by the elevator, to collect herself. Walking in there with this cloud hanging over head would ruin the evening entirely. Touching up her lipstick and taking a calming breath, she stepped into the elevator and pressed the button. A forced smile on her face, walking down the short hall way to the door Nell told herself she was ready for whatever laid on the other side.

Inside Alex jumped when the buzzer had gone off. Closing his eyes, taking a deep breath, he did what he could to relax. Nell was at the front door at what felt like rocket speed. Lingering in the open door, Alex watched down the hall, catching sight of her. She looked relaxed – more than could be said for him.

“Hey.” He greeted her, a quick kiss on the cheek, allowing her to walk in ahead of him. “Glad you could make it.”

“Of course,” Nell returned the quick peck to the cheek. Wiping her lipstick off of his cheek, she smiled. “I'm sorry that I didn't get the first few calls, my damn phone was dead and I didn't think to charge it before I left.”

“No, no don't worry. It's all good,” Alex brushed it off, taking her bag and setting it on the stand beside the door. “Come on, sit. We have dinner to make and things to catch up on.”

The once cozy and welcoming space began to feel – frigid? No. Chaotic? No. Forced. Yes.

At the counter, Nell took a seat on one of the sleek bar stools. Alex had his back turned, busying himself with gathering all the things they would need to finish making their dinner. First things first, a drink. On the rocks for him and neat for Nell. Sliding her the glass of whiskey, he smiled and held up his glass.

“To coming together.” He shrugged, “and to Marco, because without him we wouldn't have dinner.”

“Coming together and to Marco.” Nell giggled softly, allowing Alex to nudge his glass against hers. Would it be rude to down this in one gulp?

“Did I hear my name?” Marco shouted from down the hall. Peeking around the corner, the black towel secured around his hips. Hair wet and trailing down his back, he skittered barefoot across the tile flooring to the kitchen. Holding his towel, just in case.

“I was telling her if she gets food poisoning, you made the dough.” Alex smirked, giving Marco a glass of the whiskey. It's what he was looking for, any how.

“Ah, well, I promise you will not die from my pizza dough.” Marco smirked, lifting his glass, “I will not promise that you won't get hooked though. Nell, this is the best, the very best pizza dough you will ever have. It's my mother's own recipe.”

“I will take your word for it.” Nell laughed, adverting her eyes, when Marco took the seat beside her, his towel perhaps not covering everything he wanted it to when he sat. “Have you been back long?”

“Nah, I got here yesterday.” Marco shook his head, the ends of his wet hair dripping on the floor. “How's your break been going? Do anything fun?”

Mid drink, Nell shook her head. Placing her nearly empty glass on the counter top, she answered. “I've got some work caught up around the house. Most of my downtime has been hanging out with Ivan and Henry. Nothing special.”

“Ah,” Marco gave Alex a look.

“So, uh, have you decided on that um.” Alex paused, taking a drink. Thinking better of his actions. “Sorry, it's not my business.”

“Oh, you mean the job?” Nell picked up on the tension in the question. “I was going to wait until we got settled here, but I've decided to take it.”

“What?”

“Hey! That's wonderful!” Marco raised his glass, along with his voice. “What job?”

“Henry wants to contract my work, for his new project. Possibly more to follow. I don't have all the details, yet.”

So Alex hadn't told Marco? Interesting, considering how those two were together all the time, sharing a brain some days. Nell gently wiggled her glass, Alex dutifully poured her more.

“Well, you're a fucking genius. If anyone can get the job done, it's you.” Marco complimented, gently patting Nell on the back. “So, if you are working with Henry, then Ivan must be thrilled.”

“He's beyond thrilled. He gets to live with his dad, what could be better?”

“You're moving in with Henry?” Alex's brow creased, his dinner forgotten. Dough spread on the pan, the production halting there.

“No, but Ivan is.”

“Huh, everybody wins.” Marco finished his drink, stepping down from the stool. “Henry's girlfriend is cool with his kid moving in? That is a good woman.”

Wide eyed, Alex wanted to strangle Marco. No, no why would he do this?

“Henry doesn't have a girlfriend,” Nell laughed, draining her glass and licking her lips. “He hasn't for two years.”

“I saw online, it said,” Marco scrambled to find his iPad. Sitting on the coffee table in the middle of the open living room.

“You shouldn't believe everything online.” Following Marco with her eyes, Nell was taking great amusement in this. Marco scrolled along, trying to find where he'd seen the photo.

“But it says,” Marco pointed to the screen, handing Alex the iPad to confirm what they were seeing, “right here. It's none of my business, but there is a photo.”

“Is it a photo of him with a woman in a red coat with black pants? All you can see is the back of her head?” Nell sighed, rubbing her hand over her forehead. “Look at the woman, take a close look. See anything you recognize?”

“Uh.” Alex squinted at the photo, trying to make sense of what Marco had just done.

This was a can of worms which he wished they could close and walk away from. Why was his best friend such a moron? Was this Marco's way of trying to suss out Nell's feelings?

“It was me.” Nell glanced at the photo  Alex handed over.  “And when you find the one about the weekend rendezvous, during the Durrell last year,” Nell smirked, “remember the lemur story?”  

“Lemur?” Marco scratched his chin.

“Never mind,” Alex shook his head at his roommate.

“So, he doesn't have a girlfriend?”

“No.” Nell laughed at the look on Marco's face. Confusion and embarrassment all wrapped into one adorable, chubby cheeked package. “So, Ivan moving in is not a problem. The woman in the photo, is fine with it. It was her idea.” she winked.

“Okay, well. Now I feel foolish. Apologies.” Marco took his iPad, bowing out of this conversation. Patting Alex on the shoulder, as he went. His friend may want to worry about those feelings, after all.  “You two crazy kids have a good night. I need to get dressed, Gee is going to be waiting.”

Smooth exit.

At the counter, his cheeks red, and his courage waning, Alex didn't know what to do next. Busying his hands making dinner, he felt like a fool. A deer in the headlights, waiting for the truck to pound over him, leaving him a mess in the road.

Shifting on her stool, Nell sat quietly tracing the rim of her glass with her finger tip. The glitter on the tips of her light gray nails catching the light with the movement, sparkling at Alex like tiny a tiny mocking jury. A quick shout broke the silence, along with a door thudding close, gave way to Marco marking his exit. Neither person in the kitchen moved, outside of their previous task.

A stark contrast to how things had been prior to Alex's departure.

He'd liked the way Nell would stand along side of him, her fingers threading in his hair, while he tired to do a task. Or the way she would lean against him, watching him cook. Her head on his back, resting comfortably while they laughed and chatted. Alex frowned, spreading cheese on the pizza, he should have kept his agitation in check.

“How are your parents and sister?” Nell broke the silence, tapping her fingers on the counter top.

“They're well. Busy. It was nice to see them.” Alex masked his emotions, forcing a smile. In the pit of his stomach, he knew that Nell knew, something was off. “I was sad they called me to come back early, but that's work.”

“Hmm,” Nell hummed. “But you'll get to see them, soon.”

“I suppose.” Alex nodded, pausing to make the next selection of toppings. “Ham or onion next?”

“Whatever you want, I'm not fussy.” Nell forced her own smile. “I see you got anchovies. Brave of you, to try.”

“I'll try any food once,”

“That's the spirit. You know, yesterday, Ivan almost made me gag. I've never met anybody who eats wasabi like my kid.” She feigned a gagging motion. “My kid's taste buds are broken.”

“Did you ask him why? Oh god, I couldn't imagine that.” Alex laughed at the thought of Ivan shoveling in the green paste.

“He said he likes it.”

“You can't get him to eat cake, but he eats wasabi.” Alex laughed at Nell's facial expressions. Cake was one of the most disgusting textures, according to Nell. A muffin was fine, so long as it wasn't fluffy and crumbly like a cake. One trait to tick in the Nell box, Ivan was the same way. Clearly not getting Henry's indulgence.

“We're currently trying to sort out who his real parents are,” the joke made Alex smile. “Seriously, I don't know why. I guess we all have weird things we like.”

“Weird, yes.” Alex agreed. Putting the thin sliced ham on top of the onions, pizzas were almost ready for the oven. “I don't have words for you guys and your food preferences.” Pulling open the oven door, Alex retrieved a pan from the counter. In went the first part of dinner. Wiping his hands on a towel, he stood opposite of Nell. Another drink of whiskey, he licked his lips. “So, did you spend a lot of time with Ivan and Henry?”

Nell sipped her drink, eyes narrowing. Was that a hint of jealousy she detected? No, surely Alex wouldn't be that petty.

“I spent a bit of time with them, yeah. Yesterday we did some museums and had dinner.” She clarified. “Last week Henry let Ivan have a sleepover. He got to meet Christina.”

Wide eyed, Alex snorted. The woman was infamous.

“And?”

“Jordan has competition. But, I think she'd forget about him, if she saw Henry with his full beard. That thing is a life of it's own.” Nell snorted in laughter.

Rubbing his cheeks, Alex went along with it. A devilish smirk crossing his smooth features. “I think beards are overrated, who needs a face rug, when you have a jaw like this.” He tilted his head for maximum effect.

“You've got a point there,” Nell winked. “Some guys do fine without the help of a beard.”

If they were in a romantic comedy, this would be the scene here the pizza would be forgotten. Favouring other activities over eating. Since this wasn't a romance dictated by screenwriters, things didn't a drastic turn and dinner made it out of the oven on time. Amid small chatter and no real conversation. The quiet was deafening and welcoming. Less spoken the better.

Despite having Marco do the hard part, Alex was proud oh himself for being able to assemble and cook such a glorious master piece. Hot, cheesy, and the right amount of salty and sweet. It was perfect. Alex would have made a joke about how he too was hot, cheesy, salty and sweet – wisely he went against the idea.

“Dinner is served.” He proudly announced, setting two plates on the counter, the pizza in the middle.

“Compliments to the chef, and his dough maker.” Nell smiled for the first time in nearly half an hour.

Cold wasn't her intentions.

Alex hadn't been all that chatty himself, despite having come up with a great deal of the conversation.

The end was nigh.

Dramatic. A touch.

“This is good,” Nell complimented.

The shift in the room once Marco had left wasn't unnoticed. A few brief moments of warmth and they were back to being strangers. Talking out of politeness and necessity.

“It's really good.” Alex nodded in agreement. What he wouldn't give to rewind this evening. To rewind the last few months.

“So, when do you go back to shoot?”

“Uh, two days.” Alex wiped the cheese and sauce that had dropped on his chin. “Are you back with us?”

Nell shook her head, trying to avoid wearing the dripping sauce. “Celine and Rayna will be. I won't be back for a few days.”

“Going to be different being the big shot, huh?”

“I guess.” Nell shrugged, picking a piece of ham from the edge of her crust to savour. Making a joke, “Not sure how much power Henry will let me wield.”

“I'm sure you'll do great.”

“Thank you, I hope so.” Sighing, Nell gently pushed a stray piece of onion around her plate. “I mean, I don't think I would be agreeing if I didn't think I could do some justice.”

“Are you going to miss Ireland?”

“I will, Ivan definitely will.” There was no need to reexplain that that moving with Henry would be good for him; Alex got that the first time around.

"Hypothetically, after you leave where do we go?" Alex sat with his elbows resting on the counter top.

He hated this part. This was the part where two people attempted to decide fate. Did you engage in a long distance relationship? Did you give up now? Maybe they would decide to keep it casual. Seeing each other when they could until one day they realized they were never meant to be.

"Do we continue or was this a fun while it lasted?"

"Would you hate me if I say that I think it's best if we didn't follow through?" She thought it would be cut and dry. End it and move on. Reaching for a napkin, she tugged at the corners.

"I would never hate you." Alex rubbed his chin in thought.

Clasping her hand in her lap, Nell sat straight, her gaze passing Alex but never landing on him. Inhaling deeply, she slowly let the air out of her lungs. This had to be done. Rip the bandage off fast, though it would sting the hurt would be brief.

“Alex, you're lovely.”

"I understand, I get it. You don't have to bother giving me an excuse."

"And what excuse is that?" Nell huffed.

Alex sighed, staring at the half eaten pizza on his plate as if it would give him some sort of wisdom. He was foolish to let it go this far. Anyone could look at them and see it. Playing with the cigarette package on the counter, he traced his fingers along the dimpled lettering.

"Henry. It's obvious the two of you have something."

"Ivan, we have Ivan."

"Right and I think, despite what you tell me, you love him. I think you always have."

“Bold of you to assume such things.”

“Is it?”

“He's my son's father. Yes, there are some feelings.  We're still friends and he is an important part of my life. Yes, there have been times when I lost all judgment and we've had sex. Only twice, but it happened.” Why was she telling him all of this? None of this was his business. “If somebody can't accept that Henry is around, then that is not my problem. What else do you want me to say?”

“No, it's fine. I get it. I'm not exactly committed and this is only casual. Right? Just a bit of fun, while it lasted.”

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#henry cavill #alex høgh andersen #henry cavill fanfiction #alex høgh andersen fanfiction #henry Cavill x ofc #alex høgh andersen x ofc #unraveling at the seams #marco ilsø

[bqstqnbruin]

Surprise!

Someone needs to stop me from only finishing things after midnight because I have so much stuff to do for my class and for my honors kids and I put it all off for tomorrow which is now today and I hate me slightly but oops.

I love getting requests, so please keep sending them in!

I also have like five more ideas that I want to play around with, but I always love getting your stuff too!

Here is the original request!

__________________________________

Three hours down, Five more to go. 

Three hours down.

Only five more to go.

You’re not even halfway done. Three-eighths of the way finished before you have to come back tomorrow. That’s 62.5% left of this shoot before you can go home, do some homework for the college degree that was taking way too long to get because of your schedule, and then come back tomorrow for opening. Easy. No problem.

“Quiet on the set!” The director screeches. You weren’t in the scene, but this director made it clear that all actors be present for all scenes, but had you had to be quiet if you weren’t the one acting. It made no sense: there were so many personnel and a pretty large cast that having this many people on the sound stage was probably a fire hazard of some sort. 

The scene gets started, you not even caring to pay attention. It had nothing to do with the plot line you were part of, so why bother? You just wanted to go home. You sink down on the floor, behind the craft table at the back of the studio, letting your back ride down the wall is it took every ounce of you to not full on lay down. 

“We’re never working with this director again, are we?” One of your castmates says, plopping himself down on the floor next to you. The two of you were becoming a tag team; the last three movies you did, he was cast as your brother or your best friend. In real life, he probably was your best friend, besides your boyfriend. 

“I hope not. This is insane. We don’t have a scene for two more hours. I could nap or do my work in my trailer during that time.”

“Or talk to your boyfriend.” 

“You could practice talking to girls that aren’t me so you can get a girlfriend.” you joke.

“Yeah, or I could learn how to be fluent in Khoisan languages in half an hour. That’s more likely to happen at this rate.” You love to tease him about being this; he’s an actor, someone who’s actual job involves talking with people all the time when in reality he can barely strike up a conversation with the females that are throwing themselves at him. “You have a boyfriend that you never see, anyway. What would I do with a girlfriend I can never see?”

“I see Alex.” you protest, knowing that it’s not entirely true. You see him on a screen a lot. You FaceTime any day that you don’t have rehearsal and he doesn’t have a game. Your last film was shot in Chicago for a month, so you got to stay with him the entire time and it was amazing. With your filming schedule and your agent booking you movie after movie, and then his practice schedule and game schedule, it was nearly impossible for both of you to be in the same place at the same time. You didn’t even have a city that you called home because of how often you moved around, how were you supposed to see him often? But it was almost a year ago that you saw him in person for more than a day. Can you even really call him your boyfriend? “On the phone.”

“When was the last time he was in LA?” he asks, giving you a look that was mixed with sympathy and ‘I told you.’

“He’s in California all this week, actually.” you tell, a matter of factly, just to try to prove him wrong when you know he’s right anyway. “He plays at Staples tomorrow night, I just.. I don’t know what day he’s coming in.” You don’t even have your phone with you to ask him; another thing about this director is that he wants all contact with the outside world to remain outside. In the studio, the world around you is that of the movie and the movie alone. 

Hours pass as you sit around, waiting for the director to call you and your other castmates for your scene. 

“How many times do I have to tell you? I don’t want to date you.” you say, in character. The two of you were at a bar, surrounded by other people. 

“As many times as it takes for you to change your mind?” one of the actors responds, leaning closer to you in the fake booth the two of you were sitting in. 

“Look. If you’re trying to be cute, it is not working. Harassment is not cute. Get that through your head, and leave me and all other women alone.” You raise your voice with each word, like the stage direction in the script told you to. You get up and storm out stage left, again, like the script indicated.

“Perfect!” Yells the director. That might have been the first time all day he’s said something positive. You’re definitely not going to work with him again.

You hear clapping from somewhere on the sound stage as you try to go back to the outskirts of the room to sit back down and wallow in the boring universe that was outside the one you were creating not even a hundred feet away. 

“Hey, nice job.” you hear a familiar voice say as someone stands in front of you.

You look up to see that beautiful blonde-haired boy that you loved and missed so much. “Alex!” You jump up, grabbing him into a hug, planting your lips hard onto his like you wish you could have been doing for months. You’re trying not to scream so loud that the director gets mad at you and kicks you off the movie. “What are you doing here?” you ask when you finally pull away from the kiss that probably made people around you slightly uncomfortable, but you can’t believe he came to surprise you on set, and trying to contain your excitement was not something you wanted to do in that moment. 

“I haven’t been able to hold you like this in so long, and we came to LA early so I got your friend over there to get me in.” he nods over to your friend, whos been sitting on the floor just within earshot of you two, smirking.

“He wanted to see you, how could I say no when you’ve been moping around set about him this entire shoot?” he says, getting up and going closer to the stage.

“Oh, I’ve missed you.” You say, taking him in for another hug, never wanting to let go. 

“We’ve gotta figure out a way so that we can see each other more often. I’ve missed being able to hold you,” he tells you, looking you at your face. He takes your face in his hand, running the pads of his thumbs along your cheeks.

If you could hold this moment forever, you would. 

By the time you get out of the shoot, Alex has been waiting around for two hours in your trailer. 

“I’m so sorry. You came after lunch and that was the only time I was allowed back here.” There was really no point in you all having your own trailers if the only time you spent in them was during lunch. 

“It’s alright, I’m just glad I get to be with you before I have to turn in for the night.” 

“What time is that?” you plop down on the couch next to him, immediately cuddling up with him as he puts his arm around you and kisses the top of your head.

“Probably before ten.” 

“So that gives us five hours?”

“We can do plenty in five hours.” he looks down at you, smiling. 

“I just wish we had more than five hours.” you know you’re smiling, but there’s nothing that could hide the sadness that was coming through your eyes. You loved spending time with him, but you hated every time he had to leave. Sometimes you hated that you fell in love with a hockey player. 

“What if I told you I had a surprise for you?” he adjusts himself so you’re forced to sit up and face him. You give him a confused look, but before you can say anything, he continues, “I have something that you can use all the time that you’re in LA, and I can use during the off-season.” 

“What is it?”

He holds up a set of keys. “How about we live together out here?” 

If the smile on your face could get bigger it would. “I would love that!”

#alex nylander #alexander nylander #alex nylander imagines #alexander nylander imagines #chicago blackhawks #chicago blackhawks imagines #blackhawks #blackhawks imagines #nhl #nhl imagines #hockey #hockey imagines

[thanksjro]

More Than Meets the Eye #1- Meeting All Our New Friends

Okay, let’s see what happens when you give one man way too much power over a franchise, and he doesn’t use it for evil.

Before we get into the story, let’s take a look at the cover art! MTMTE, as well as its sister series, Robots in Disguise, started off IDW Phase Two, a brand new run of main comics to replace the by-then completed The Transformers (2009). To celebrate this momentous occasion, each comic’s first issue got FOUR separate covers, which could be combined to create a large, overarching image. MTMTE’s looked like this when all the covers were put together.

The cover art here is by Alex Milne, who is on as the main artist for the series, but he’s not on issue #1- no, for our foray into this comic run, we see the return of Nick Roche.

The last time Roche and Roberts worked together was on Last Stand of the Wreckers, and other than MTMTE #6 and the Revolution one-shot, they won’t be teaming up again within the IDW run.

On a potentially-related-but-more-of-just-a-humorous note, it seems that Roberts is a huge stickler with his scripts, going into what sounds like an honestly horrific amount of detail for each individual panel. The average comic script is either between 20-23 or 28-30 pages long, not counting title and credit pages. Roberts has been cited as sending in comic scripts that approached 50 pages.

Which, if you know anything about the scriptwriting process, is a little… yeah. It’s a very good thing Roberts seems to be able to take criticism.

ANYWAY.

IT’S TIME.

The Transformers: More Than Meets the Eye- Liars, A to D Part 1: How to Say Goodbye and Mean It- holy fucking shit that’s a long title- starts off with the Story So Far, a comic book classic to catch readers up on what’s happened prior to the issue. The very nature of a Story So Far will become plot-relevant much later down the line, but as is, it’s just reminding us what happened during Phase One, in as basic a point as it can.

And then the credits are right underneath.

I can’t even imagine how friggin’ good seeing this printed must have felt.

So, what’s going on in the premiere of the sad, gay, space comic?

Not my phrasing, by the way, but the Wiki’s.

So, the war’s over. What does that mean? Well, a lot of things, honestly, but the first thing we’re given in terms of what changes to expect with everyone’s favorite space robots is in relation to their wardrobes. Yeah, without a war to fight, what’s the point in having relatively identical blocky armor that protects all your insides? It’s time to get skimpy.

Rodimus has switched out his toned calves and discernible ankles for the Uggs that are now positively iconic to his character. Drift’s mass has almost completely gravitated to his thighs, making him the curviest thing this side of the Milky Way. Ultra Magnus didn’t get the memo about not needing to be in uniform anymore, I guess, but somehow I doubt he owns anything casual.

Rodimus, Drift, and Magnus are holding a rally to invite Autobots to come on their party-barge to find the Knights of Cybertron, in an effort to heal the planet, because Rodimus took one look at post-war Cybertron and said “no thanks.” Honestly, I think most would, if these properly colored characters are any indication.  

Just the Autobots, by the way. We aren’t ready to be friends with the ‘Cons just yet. Swindle did some major damage on that front.

Prowl and Wheeljack are off to the side discussing this turn of events, and while Wheeljack seems to think that a lot of folks will be boarding the ship and getting the hell out of dodge, Prowl’s expecting nothing to come of it.

So, that was yesterday. What’s going on today?

Inside Kimia, there’s a dead guy. He wasn’t dead when he was brought in, but he is now. Who is he, anyway?

Oh, he’s one of the NAIL protesters, and he died because he was protesting by way of transforming on the steps of Autobot HQ, until his transformation cog burn out. Yep, that can kill you. Ratchet’s the one who performed the autopsy, as per Metalhawk’s request- he only wanted the best of the best on this.

Too bad the best of the best is starting to slump. After a brief scare with Rigor Morphis- the stiffening of the corpse into the body’s preferred mode- Ratchet explains to Bumblebee that his hands have started seizing up, and that’s why he’ll be leaving on the Lost Light with Rodimus. He just can’t do the work anymore.

This news is not well received by Bumblebee, who’s just about had it with everyone up and leaving him all by himself with the mess that is Cybertron.

Phase Two will not be kind to Bumblebee.

Bumblebee accuses Ratchet of having been insnared in Rodimus’ siren song of reclaiming the Golden Age, but c’mon, this is Ratchet! He’s too cynical to fall for that. He’s more interested in finding the Autobots who’ve been lost over the millennia to the war. Ratchet’s already well aware of the true purposes of this little galactic road trip, almost like he’s read the plot outline.

It’s about helping people, and adventure, and being unapologetically gay and sad in equal measures.

Up in the sky, Cyclonus is displeased. He spent six million years in the Dead Universe, under the control of a madman, waiting for the moment he could return to his beloved homeworld, and what does he get? A ball of half-baked primordial cookie-dough, and it’s not even chocolate-chip like he was expecting; it’s fucking oatmeal raisin.

Mmm, that is some tasty panel-breaking right there.

Of course, the I/D chip might not have worked anyway, seeing as Cyclonus got a little bit of a boost when Vector Sigma ejected everyone during the Matrix incident. It’s doing some weird stuff to his body, on top of whatever nonsense existing inside the Dead Universe does to a person.

Cyclonus is about to head over to the Lost Light- apparently he and Rodimus made a little deal off-panel- when he detects a familiar life sign and decides to see what that’s all about.

Over in Prowl’s office, things are tense. He and Chromedome can’t even look at each other, as Chromedome reveals that both he and Rewind are jumping on the Lost Light. Prowl doesn’t like this, not one bit. He needs Chromedome, needs his skills, his expertise. He tries to appeal to Rewind, knowing who wears the pants in this relationship.

Or, well, he tries.

Prowl, they’ve been married for over 250,000 years.

In all seriousness, this is slightly before the first tentative steps Roberts took towards making the franchise as gay as he possibly could, at least when going by the story’s chronology. The thing about professional comic script writing is that plotting/planning goes for a ways beyond the current script one’s working on, so that everyone knows where everyone else is. Considering the somewhat congruent nature between MTMTE and RiD, planning ahead was especially important.

Chromedome and Rewind were originally (like, first draft originally) meant to be best friends. This was to fill a void in the department of close relationships Roberts felt within the Transformers franchise. Then Roberts saw how handsy he’d been writing them during plotting and realized he’d made something a little different happen. Which still sort of went with what he was going for, just in a slightly different fashion. Chromedome and Rewind are a rare case of a writer NOT leaning into the “they’re just bros, bro” mentality and just letting the characters be together as romantic partners.

Also keep in mind that it would be another three fucking years before the United States would legalize same-sex marriage, which is where the IDW offices are located. You gotta ease that sort of change in, that way nobody realizes what you’re doing until it’s already been done, then you can go hog-wild. We won’t be hitting critical mass on the homonormative civilization that is IDW1 Cybertron for a solid year or so.

So this bit of dialogue is just the start of the setup, and the “best friend” line is either a leftover from earlier versions of the script, or Prowl really just is that big of an asshole.

Rewind is, of course, recording everything taking place on his handy-dandy little head-mounted camera, because history is his business, and he’s not going to stop recording for the likes of Prowl.

Rewind doesn’t like Prowl very much.

It would seem that the feeling is mutual.

Chromedome suddenly remembers that trying to reason with Prowl is like talking to a brick wall, and the two of them leave. Prowl responds to this slight by yelling in the hallway and then flipping a table.

I sure hope y’all like running gags.

Of course, Prowl wouldn’t be Prowl without having a few contingency plans in place for when things don’t go his way, and he makes a call to his inside guys to “load the cargo.”

That’s not ominous in the slightest.

Six million years prior to all this nonsense, a tiny little dude fell in a hole and broke his legs trying to get to work.

This is Tailgate, and he’s seen better days. Not many, mind you, but at least a couple. He was making his way to the launch of the original Ark, when he decided to take a shortcut that would change the course of his life forever. Hence the whole “stuck in a hole” thing. Still, he’s got to get out of here, because without him, the entire expedition is doomed!

For being an idiot, Tailgate’s pretty smart- he figures that if he sets off his energon rations, it’ll blast up through the roof of the cavern he’s in and someone will be able to find him. Good thing energon’s so incredibly volatile.

Speaking of volatile, let’s jump back to the present and check on our buddy Whirl.

It looks like Whirl also got a makeover between series, because he’s now sporting a much sleeker, angular frame, complete with long, tapered head.

Whirl’s currently busy thanking his new friends for spending so much time with him. It really meant a lot to him, their patience. Not many folks have been patient with him before.

Of course, it probably helps that all these guys are dead as hell.

It’s time for another Roberts’ staple- the suicide attempt. We won’t be using the robot-equivalent to Multiple Sclerosis though. This go around, we’ll be using a classic: self immolation!

Title drop! Bet you weren’t expecting it to have such a dark connotation, huh?

Cyclonus interrupts Whirl’s monologue and suicide attempt. He thought he’d seen his best buddy, Scourge, on his tracker, and his immediate response is to lurk in the shadows looking like a night demon wearing a party hat.

Fun fact: a group of Sweeps is called a Spring Cleaning.

Scourge isn’t here, and he won’t ever be. Scourge most likely died off-panel, never to be seen again, assumedly because nobody wanted to write for him. I think it’s the nails, puts people off.

Whirl doesn’t take kindly to the intrusion, and responds the only way he knows how.

It’s always embarrassing when your self-immolation gets interrupted, but maybe try taking a first deep breaths before committing to more war crimes, Whirlybird.

While these two morons fill the post-Bay movie explosion quota, Red Alert’s hard at work screening the passengers on the Lost Light. Currently, he’s checking Brainstorm, who’s making it as difficult as possible, both legally and emotionally. Red Alert waves him on with a grumble, without even getting a peek at what’s inside his mysterious briefcase.

Up next is Swerve.

His legs are so jacked, it makes me a little uncomfortable. Glad to see Swerve’s body reformat went swimmingly- seems he went for the classic “tires in the shoulders and ankles” model.

Oh hey, it’s Rung! Hi Rung!

This series will not be kind to Rung.

While Cyclonus and Whirl terrorize the folks just trying to get on board the dang ship, Rodimus is feeling rather pleased with himself with the turnout. Drift strokes his ego a bit, because they support each other, but things are still weird because Drift doesn’t know who he is as a person anymore, and Rodimus has a guilty conscience mixed with being the Matrix’s golden child, which really fucks with a guy’s head.

Ultra Magnus goes through the list of the folks joining their quest, and starts running through all their demerits and crimes like it’s his job, because it is. We get a little peek into Magnus’ world view and then it’s back to the Whirl and Cyclonus show.

Also, Drift doens’t have a nose right now. He’ll get it back in time for the next issue, don’t worry.

Over with the flyboys, Cyclonus has decided to land and attempt to reason with Whirl. Not that he couldn’t totally kill Whirl if he wanted to.

He just doesn’t want to.

No, Cyclonus is far more concerned with his meeting with Rodimus, the one that he’s already friggin’ late for thanks to the detour he took checking that life signature. Whirl doesn’t care, far more worried about the fact that Cyclonus saw him talking to desecrated corpses and, far more importantly, vulnerable.

Look at this jackass’ ensemble- demon helmet, a crop top, a skirt and bellbottom pants. What an icon. He and Eugenesis Wheeljack should trade fashion tips.

Whirl still isn’t done with him, even after scraping him across the side of a mountain. Feeling especially artsy, he scoops Cyclonus up and jumps into the air, since he apparently has a hundred-foot vertical leap.

Back in the past, things aren’t going so well for Tailgate.

More cool panel stuff going on here- every time the panels have had rounded corners, it’s been when the scene takes place in the past. Now that the last panel has proper right angles to it, Tailgate’s in the present with everyone else. That middle panel probably covers a couple million years, at least. Poor guy.

Up on the surface, Ratchet’s met up with Chromedome and Rewind, and they’re all walking over to the launch site, Chromedome bitching all the while about how they’ve got to use their legs since Rewind’s alt-mode isn’t a vehicle, but a USB.

Chromedome seems to have forgotten that his tiny husband is small enough to probably just ride on top of his alt-mode, if not directly inside, most likely due to his larger-than-life personality.

Whirl and Cyclonus fall out of the sky before Chromedome can say something that’ll get his ass divorced. Cyclonus gets knocked out cold, having taken the brunt of the impact. Unfortunate, seeing as Whirl’s taking the time to make up lies about him.

You thought I was kidding when I said the armor was skimpy, but here we are, with a shot of Whirl’s battle thong.

Ratchet, who knows Whirl, because he knows everybody, tries to talk him out of straight up murdering Cyclonus. Whirl doesn’t like it when people try to talk him down, and is about to turn on the good doctor, when Tailgate enters the scene, by way of explosion.

Whirl doesn’t handle explosions terribly well. Probably why he was going to use one to kill himself.

With Whirl knocked out, Ratchet and the power couple pull Tailgate out of his hole, where he manages to ask about the launch before freaking the fuck out and fainting at the sight of a rather dead-looking Whirl. To be fair, I can’t think of a whole lot of folks who’d survive getting their tits blown off with enough force to clear a tunnel in solid rock.

You said it, Rewind.

Ratchet grabs Tailgate and Whirl and brings them onboard the ship, seeing as Tailgate seems to want to be there, and Whirl’s too dangerous to be out of sight. They just kinda leave Cyclonus on the ground. I doubt the two guys who were on Kimia last month really want to deal with him.

Rewind breaks off from the group to see his dealer. This dealer isn’t selling the good kush though. He’s got something far more incriminating to offer.

But we don’t get to find out what the fuck Rewind just bought from Swindle for a few more issues. Rest assured, it’s nothing good.

On the bridge, Rodimus is in his captain’s chair, ready to captain it up. The Lost Light raises into the air, as Bumblebee and Prowl watch on, about to exit the atmosphere and begin a adventure filled with hijinks and mild peril.

And that’s a series wrap on everyone! I hope you enjoyed this wonderful one-shot written by James Roberts.

What do you mean there’s 56 more issues?

Alright, let’s see where this goes.

Back on the bridge, there’s alarms and sirens out the wazoo, as things have pretty much immediately gone to shit. The quantum engine the Lost Light’s outfitted with apparently went off prematurely, rocketing them into a completely random quadrant of space.

Also, there’s a hole in the ship, and vacuum physics are doing their thing.

This series will not be kind to Rodimus.

The Lost Light touches down on the planet they popped back into existence over to start looking for all the guys who got sucked out of the ship. They don’t have to look long, seeing as they’re all burning up in the atmosphere.

Welcome to the Lost Light. It’s a friggin’ mess.

Back on Cybertron, the aftermath of the explosion is seen, as Bumblebee and Prowl listen to a message that seems to imply a lot more heartache in the future.

Prowl, you could at least pretend to give a shit.

That’s the end of the story, but not the end of the issue. In the back of the book, we get a welcome letter from James Roberts himself, thanking the reader for taking the time to read the beginning of MTMTE, and holy shit does he really try to sell it to you. This is a guy who wants you to be excited about the story that’s coming your way, because he’s excited about it. He’s a big dork who loves Transformers, and he gets to write about them for the next six years! That’s awesome. 

#transformers #jro #mtmte #liars A-to-D #issue 1 #incoming analysis #maccadam #Hannzreads #text post #long post #comic script writing

[raywritesthings]

Happy Accident 3/3

My Writing Fandom: Arrow Characters: Oliver Queen, Laurel Lance, Thea Queen, Susan Brayden, Adrian Chase, Susan Williams, Quentin Lance, Talia al Ghul, Curtis Holt, Rene Ramirez, Rory Regan Pairing: Laurel Lance/Oliver Queen Summary: Felicity’s punch has consequences no one intended, driving Oliver to take drastic measures with their own unexpected result. *Can be read on AO3, link in bio*

Laurel didn’t know what to think upon stepping through yet another strange portal into their base to find a couple strangers standing there. She’d heard the others mention recruits, of course, but it seemed odd not finding her teammates there waiting for them. At least, not both her old teammates.

Thea stood from a chair at the computer monitors, arms crossing as she eyed Laurel with a mix of mistrust and pain. “Rene and Rory filled me in. So, any sudden, overpowering need to kill a person yet?”

“Aside from your usual moods,” one of the men added. Laurel cringed; Iris had told her that a number of the others’ Earth-2 doppelgangers had also been criminals, but she did not love being judged as one herself.

“Where’s Felicity?” The other man asked.

“Felicity is taking a leave of absence,” Oliver answered simply, which Laurel thought was probably for the best rather than getting into details. She was still shocked it had even happened. “And we’ll be monitoring the situation with Laurel to see if the Lotus is necessary and if we can acquire more of it.”

The first man raised his eyebrows. “I thought the plan was bring her back, lock her in a cell.”

“Well, considering I haven’t even been read my charges let alone my rights, I’m not sure I agree with that plan,” Laurel decided to interject. “There’s also the fact that I’m not really who you think I am. When Ollie tried to bring back my doppelganger, it didn’t work, but somehow he found my soul and brought me back instead.”

“And you are…?” The second of the two men asked.

Oliver stepped up beside her and laid a hand at the small of her back. “Rory, Rene, I’d like you to meet the Dinah Laurel Lance original to Earth-1, the Black Canary and someone very important to me.”

The one she could guess was named Rory gave a start; Rene looked skeptical; but in that moment, Laurel really only had eyes for Thea, who gasped and swayed a half-step forward before catching herself.

“You’re really…?”

Laurel nodded, a smile growing on her face as Thea rushed forward.

Before her friend’s arms could circle round her however, Rene called out. “Wait a minute. Hoss, how do we know she isn’t just playing you again?”

“I mean, the Flash team thinks it’s her, so if she’s not that’s gonna be awkward,” Curtis remarked finally. “I mean, I only met Laurel — the real Laurel — once. I only met her doppelganger once, too, so that doesn’t help much, I guess. But if I had to say which one this Laurel reminds me of more, it’s probably the real one. I think?”

“Thanks, Curtis,” Oliver said, not doing much to disguise how insincerely that was meant. “Laurel - this Laurel - knows things that only the version I knew would really be aware of. Cisco tested that for himself as well.”

“Maybe people would feel better with one more test?” Rory suggested.

“I’ve got something,” Thea said. She turned to Laurel and asked, “What did I tell you about Alex compared to Roy?”

It took Laurel a moment to recall, but she nearly laughed when she did. “That you’d be surprised who uses more tongue?” Beside her, Ollie pulled a disgusted face.

“It’s you,” Thea declared, then practically squealed as she launched herself into Laurel’s arms. Laurel grinned from ear to ear as she hugged her friend back just as tightly. This, in some ways, truly felt like a homecoming.

Thea pulled back abruptly, her eyes darting from Laurel to Oliver and back again. “But this is — I mean you guys — did you tell her?”

“Tell me what?” Laurel asked, looking back at Oliver who had gone a remarkable pink color.

“One thing at a time,” he said. “First thing’s first; Thea, I’m gonna need your help drafting a proposal.”

“Okay. To City Council?”

“To the President of the United States.”

More than a few jaws dropped, and Laurel waited for Oliver to break or otherwise indicate he was joking. Yet apparently he wasn’t.

As it turned out, only the previous month Oliver’s team, Barry’s team and Sara and her crew had all repelled an alien invasion — because of course there were aliens — along with a different alien from a totally separate world and had been declared heroes by the President. Who had been the Vice President, last thing Laurel knew.

Ollie’s plan was to use that goodwill from their Commander in Chief to parlay some kind of deal for Laurel to receive immunity against being prosecuted. It wasn’t a terrible idea, all things considered, except for one small problem.

“This might just cover me for everything I did as Black Canary in the past, but it’s not going to hold up for anything I continue to do.”

Oliver looked at her. “What do you mean?”

“I mean when I go back out in the field with you guys. I’m going back out there,” she added before he could even start. To her annoyance, the Queen siblings shared an uneasy look. “I understand that what happened last spring was traumatic. It was for me, too. But I am not going to let some kind of fear from what Darhk did to me make me waste my second shot at life.”

“We know,” Thea said. “We just — it’s been hard without you. I haven’t even been going out in the field much. Things were rough.”

Laurel rubbed Thea’s shoulder with one hand. “I’m sorry, and I’m glad you’re giving yourself some space to figure things out. But I don’t need time off. In fact, I’m pretty sure you need as many hands on deck as possible,” she added to Oliver, “considering Felicity is taking time off and John also doesn’t seem to be around.”

Oliver and Thea both looked down. “John’s in prison.”

“What?”

“He was framed by a superior officer,” Thea said. “Cause he went back for a fourth tour. Like I said, things were rough.”

Laurel couldn’t believe what she was hearing. John couldn’t be sitting in prison; he had a family to take care of, a daughter to watch grow up. “Can we get him pardoned with me?”

“I have a friend working on his case,” Oliver told her. “That’s the best hope we have for him right now.”

Privately, Laurel made a note to review said case and said friend’s handling of it so far, but there wasn’t much else she could say now without knowing all the facts. She’d have to see John as soon as she was allowed to walk about without risk of ending up the block above or below him.

All too soon, Laurel found herself standing in one of Oliver’s beta sites in front of a large screen that currently displayed the president’s seal. Oliver stood beside her dressed in his Green Arrow uniform.

The screen finally changed, showing President Brayden sitting at her desk in the Oval Office. “Green Arrow, Miss Lance.”

“Madame President,” Oliver said. “Thank you for agreeing to meet with us in this manner.”

“I’ll admit, there was some debate on my part as to whether I should insist on a meeting face-to-face. This is a very sensitive matter. But why don’t you explain from the beginning what happened to you back in April, Miss Lance?”

Laurel nodded, taking a deep breath as she recalled the story they had practiced. She didn’t relish getting to lie to the president, but all of them had agreed that the less world governments knew about the Lazarus Pits, the better. “Last April, I was taken from the hospital by men working for Damien Darhk. I guess they must have substituted some kind of fake body or something for me to make everyone think I had died. According to them, since I had lived, he wasn’t done punishing my father for betraying him. But I guess Darhk was killed before he could make good on his promise

“I was moved from place to place. They didn’t seem to know what they were going to do with me, and there wasn’t a good window of escape for a long time. I wasn’t tortured, but they would starve me or leave me without water for periods of time, and I was still recovering from my injuries.

“What allowed me to finally escape was me discovering my metahuman abilities.”

“And these are?”

She’d been expecting that question; she and Oliver had agreed it was best to be forthcoming about this development so it didn’t look like she’d been concealing something on purpose from the Commander in Chief. “I can produce screams at loud enough frequencies that the sound waves are visible and can physically impact a target. I’d offer to demonstrate, but I imagine that wouldn’t be very good for your speakers.”

“No, probably not,” Brayden agreed wryly. “And upon escaping, you returned to your city and your team.”

“Yes, Madame President,” Oliver confirmed. “We were unbelievably grateful to have Laurel back with us. But we’re afraid to lose her again.”

“Green Arrow and the others wanted me to ask you for a pardon,” Laurel said. “But if I was granted one, it wouldn’t allow me to continue to operate as Black Canary.”

“And that’s something you wish to do.”

“Yes. Being the Black Canary is a part of me, and it’s the best way I know how to help people.” Laurel shrugged. “As much as I have loved being a lawyer, I know there’s no practice or District Attorney’s office that would take a publicly known vigilante. A lot of other jobs would be leery of it, too. That’s why I have a proposal.”

President Brayden steepled her hands together and leaned a little closer towards the camera. “I’m listening.”

“I understand that last month you gave an address commending my fellow heroes. You see the need for what we do, but I imagine there are some in Washington who don’t like the idea of trusting us blindly.” Laurel laid a hand over her chest. “With my identity known, I could act as a liaison of sorts between my team and your administration. I’m accountable to both sides since everyone knows who I am.”

Brayden thought for a few moments. “That would be a tremendous responsibility for you to take on, answering for any of the actions your fellows take.”

“It would be my honor to represent each and every one of them, Madame President,” Laurel said. Okay, so she didn’t actually know Rene or Rory or even Curtis all that well, let alone most of the people Sara traveled with. But Laurel trusted Oliver and Sara’s judgement in who they would choose to fight alongside them.

“And we would be honored to have Laurel representing us,” Oliver added. “Not one of us is going to take the trust she, you or the greater public have placed in us for granted.”

“Let me say that this arrangement is an attractive idea,” Brayden finally said. “But I will need time to discuss it with my advisors. You can expect a call from me as to my final decision within two days, Black Canary. Thank you for your time.” With that, the president signed off.

“I think that went well?” Laurel said, turning to Oliver.

“I’m inclined to agree. No matter what happens, though, we’ll handle it,” Oliver told her.

A week of negotiations ensued. All the details of Laurel’s new appointment had to be worked out; how and when and to which agency or body Laurel would be reporting to, what she was expected to disclose and what infringed on the other’s expectations of privacy. She remained down in the beta site the entire time, visits from Thea or Oliver with food and reminders to sleep breaking up the monotony of video calls and working out, testing the limits of the body she had woken up in. She really was going to have to send a blood sample to Caitlin for analysis; whether it was the meta gene or something about Earth 2, she felt stronger and more durable than ever, and part of her was itching to get out into a real fight to see for herself.

She took a round trip on a private plane to sign the final documents in D.C., shaking hands with President Brayden immediately after doing so while Secret Service members stood incredibly close. She supposed a metahuman would present a highly unique risk to the life of their charge.

“I’m hopeful that this is the start of a beautiful partnership, Laurel,” the president told her as the White House cameraman snapped their picture for the next morning’s press release. Laurel would not be attending since she would be in a special closed court session back home getting her death overturned.

“I’m hoping with you, Madame President.”

It was still early evening when she arrived back in Starling even though a whole day had passed for her. “I’m exhausted, and I miss a real bed,” she admitted to Oliver, who had been waiting just outside the tarmac to pick her up. She was sure once she had fallen into the cot in the beta site she wouldn’t care what she was sleeping on, but right now with her freedom very nearly secured, she longed for those kind of simple comforts.

“Why don’t you come back with me instead?” He asked.

Laurel stilled for a moment, then gave a quiet, “Okay.”

She was still so confused about what was going on with Oliver. She had wanted to chalk up his happiness, the frequent touching and the near-constant praise to just the newness of her being back, but it had been nearly two weeks and there was no sign of it slowing. Then there was the sort of excited buzzing about Thea seemed to do whenever Oliver so much as entered the same room as Laurel. Laurel recognized the behavior from Thea’s childhood; she had a secret, and she wanted to tell it. If she hadn’t been so busy working out the details of her new life as a publicly sanctioned vigilante, Laurel would have demanded her friend just tell her already.

Stranger still was the continued lack of Felicity’s presence and Oliver’s continued lack of seeming to care about that. Laurel had honestly thought the couple would have made up by now and resumed their lives together, yet her resurrection had seen them further apart than ever. She didn’t have the whole story yet; Laurel knew something had happened to a man named Billy who Felicity had obviously cared for, and there also appeared to be tension surrounding the way Felicity and Oliver had been clashing on leading the team’s new recruits, but Laurel would have thought Oliver would be devastated to be experiencing even more troubles with the love of his life. What exactly was she missing here?

All these thoughts were running through her mind as Oliver parked the car in the garage attached to his new home as the Mayor of Star City. He came around to lead her up through the house and to what looked to be an unused guest bedroom. Laurel bid him goodnight and climbed beneath the covers, letting herself succumb to sleep. Tomorrow was going to be an extremely important day, and Laurel wanted to be prepared for it.

She woke up to Oliver’s soft knock on her door the next morning, a breakfast tray in his hands. Laurel smiled and combed some of her hair back from her face. “Breakfast in bed? Careful, I might not want to go back to my apartment.”

“Well, I wouldn’t mind the company,” he replied, his eyes soft once again as he gazed at her. Laurel took a bite of her eggs so she wouldn’t be expected to reply. “I also thought you might like to call your dad before the big announcement from the president this morning.” He took out his phone and a piece of paper, setting both down on the edge of her bed. “That’s the number to the rehab facility.”

“Thank you, Ollie. For everything. Really, it’s kind of impossible to sum up how much I owe you for all this.”

Oliver shook his head. “You don’t owe me a thing. It’s what you deserve from me.”

She was speechless again. Laurel looked down, taking up the paper and fiddling with it.

“I’ll let you make that call,” Oliver said, backing out of the room.

Laurel willed the heat rising up her neck and into her cheeks back down as she tapped each number in its sequence. She waited as it rang twice before a woman with a pleasantly calm voice answered. “Evergreen Care Center, how can I help you today?”

“Hi, my father is staying at your facility right now, and I was hoping to speak to him. Quentin Lance?”

“Date of birth?”

Laurel gave it, followed by his phone number and the last four digits of his social. She’d memorized such information years ago after her mother had left them and Laurel had realized she would be his designated representative in any emergency situation.

“Let’s see here. Oh, yes, we do have Quentin with us. I’ll see if he’s up to a phone call this morning,” the woman replied, and Laurel felt her heart sink lower in her chest. She should have called sooner. “One moment, please.”

Laurel waited as she was put on hold, her fingers drumming on the bedspread a counterpoint to the soothing music that played. Eventually it cut out, and her father’s voice — tired to her ears — came on the line.

“Sara? You’re back in town?”

Laurel’s lips pressed together for a moment before she answered, “I’m not Sara, daddy.”

She heard a sharp gasp, then a thump that had her worried, but her dad asked, “Laurel?”

“Mm-hm. I’m alive. Ollie — it’s complicated — but Ollie found out about another Pit, and I’m okay now.”

“Oh, God. Oh, thank God. You — I’ve missed you so much, missed your voice, baby. Where are you?”

“I’m in the city. Listen, I’m going to get myself declared alive again today, and I’ll come visit. Please don’t check out of this place, dad. If you need it, you need it. I want you to get the help you need.”

“I needed you, honey,” he argued. “This stuff, this was just to keep me going. But I’ll be fine with you back, I promise.”

“When does the program end?” She asked.

“Nother two weeks,” was his grudging reply.

“Then just do the two weeks. I’ll still be here. I want you to learn how to do this without me or Sara, because you know we lead crazy lives. Anything could happen.”

“Hey, you just said you’re still gonna be there.”

“I know.” There was a knock on her doorframe, and Laurel looked up. Thea was standing there with a suit bag that was probably holding her court clothes. “I need to get ready for my appointment. We’ll talk about this when I come see you, okay? I love you.”

“I love you too, honey. I never said it enough, before, but I- you’re my world, Laurel.”

She swallowed down the lump in her throat and said, “I’ll see you soon, dad.” Laurel drew in a breath as she hung up and let it out before getting up and facing Thea. “Okay. Shower?”

“Bathroom’s down the hall to the left,” Thea told her.

Laurel took a quick one, realizing belatedly that she had left the suit bag with Thea in her temporary room. She pinned her hair up and wrapped a towel around herself, hoping to sneak down the hall unnoticed. But as she drew up towards the guest bedroom door, she heard voices.

“I can’t believe you still haven’t told her,” Thea complained.

“It’s not exactly something that comes up in a normal conversation,” Oliver replied.

“Yeah, but how you feel at least? Ollie, you have a real chance to be happy, and I don’t want to see you walk away from that because you think you’re unworthy or something like that.”

As much as Laurel desperately wanted to know what Oliver’s response to that would be, she was hearing a conversation that was clearly meant to be private. She was also in danger of running late if she didn’t get dressed soon, not to mention that she was starting to get a little cold out in the hall with nothing but a towel on.

So Laurel pushed the door open the full way. “If I can have the room for a few minutes?”

The Queen siblings looked her way, but only Oliver sucked in a sharp breath. His eyes unmistakably flicked up and down her body for a moment, and Laurel flushed with heat a second time that morning at the way he licked his lips.

Thea crossed between them, but it wasn’t until she called, “Ollie, coming?” that either of them seemed to snap out of it.

“Right. Uh, sorry.”

Laurel backed up to give him room as he practically fled out into the hall, and she thought she caught Thea smirking as her younger friend shut the door. Laurel fanned her face with one hand as she grabbed her clothes to finally change.

Her day in court was short-lived considering all she was being required to do was appear in person and give the judge the written version of the statement she had delivered to the president, signed by both herself and Brayden. Judge Moore reviewed the document before adding her own signature.

“Welcome back to the land of the living, Miss Lance.”

Laurel smirked. Moore couldn’t know how literally that statement applied to her case. “Thank you, judge.”

She was shepherded into the car around the side of the courthouse. “Brayden’s press conference just finished up,” Thea told her. “You’re officially the world’s first publically-sanctioned hero. You ready for a gig in PR?”

“I guess we’ll find out tonight,” Laurel answered. Oliver had scheduled a gala for tonight, ostensibly to check in with some of the higher-society constituents, but really to serve as Laurel’s reintroduction to Star City. It was strange how fast everything seemed to move now that she was alive again. And she was so, so glad for it. Her life had always been messy and complicated and confusing. She hadn’t known what to do with all that peace.

---

Adrian Chase had a problem. And he hadn’t planned for problems.

Everything he had worked for these last five years, every piece he had put in place, had ensured that Oliver was walking right down the path he had designed for him without even knowing it, all the while thinking he had a fighting chance. There simply weren’t room for mistakes.

But one had apparently been made, and as the morning news told him, it all came down to Dinah Laurel Lance.

Adrian had been satisfied overall with the Black Siren’s performance and the effect she had worked on Oliver and his team, the trauma that having to fight a woman that looked like their departed friend had brought on. Even if he had had to remind the woman of her place now and then, she had always been meant as more of a blunt instrument than anything. Something to let out and play for a while before she was rounded up by ARGUS’ agents.

At least, that was what Adrian had assumed had happened to her. That had been his first mistake.

Next had been not trying harder to learn why Oliver had taken a sudden trip out of the country or why he had come back looking as though he were walking on clouds. Strange, considering that his spying had informed him that Felicity Smoak was no longer going to the Green Arrow’s base of operations. If Oliver’s team had truly splintered so badly, what could he be happy about?

In his guise as DA, he had had no luck getting his ‘friend’ to open up to him about it, or the impromptu press conference and gala he had scheduled two weeks after his strange behavior had begun. All Oliver had said was, “You’ll see.”

And he was seeing it now. He was seeing her right on his television screen.

“President Brayden, surprising the nation and perhaps the world this morning with a stunning revelation — Star City’s own Dinah Laurel Lance is alive and well. In a written statement, Miss Lance explains that she was taken captive by men associated with the late terrorist Damien Darhk and managed to escape only last month. Lance was famously exposed by her friend Mayor Oliver Queen as the vigilante known as the Black Canary. In the president’s release, she indicated that not only will charges not be brought against Black Canary, but instead Miss Lance will be taking on the role of official liaison between the Capitol and the growing roster of masked men and women we have seen take place over the years. We at Channel 52 say welcome back, Miss Lance, and Star City should be happy to know their Canary has flown home.”

He wanted to break something. How dare that woman? Who did she think she was, turning her back on him after he had rescued her from the Flash’s pipeline and running into Oliver’s arms? What sort of game was she playing?

Since he was on the guest list for Oliver’s gala tonight, he intended to find out. After all, he was pretty sure who the guest of honor was going to be.

Sure enough, that night Adrian stood in a crowd that applauded as Oliver led who everyone thought was their miraculously returned hero up to a podium with her arm looped through his. His eyes practically shined as he let Laurel go and stood just off to the side to give her the floor.

“Thank you,” she began, a picture of grace and humility. She had perfected her act in the weeks since Adrian had seen her last, and he would be hard-pressed to tell the difference now between her and the original. He could acknowledge a guise well done.

“I’m thankful and relieved to be able to stand here in front of you all tonight and be welcomed back to my home. I can’t wait to get back to work making this city the best that it can be, and I hope you all feel the same.

“I’ve been doing everything I can to catch up on what I missed while I was gone. One of those things is the significant damage done to the Glades district last spring, a section of our city which has already suffered too much over the years. There is a donation plate available tonight to help fund the relief efforts Oliver and his administration have put in place. Please consider giving if you are able.

“That’s all I really have to say at this time. I’d rather speak to you all personally. I ask that the questions about my captivity be limited. It’s not exactly a period of my life that I want to dwell on.”

Adrian fought down a smirk at that. Clever, he had to give her that.

“Thank you.” Laurel Lance stepped back from the podium and rejoined Oliver as the two made their way out to the floor to speak with groups of people here and there. They made a fine couple, which begged the question: what had she told Oliver? How had she convinced him to go along with this? Adrian had clearly underestimated the power even a shadow of the woman Oliver had lost last year would have over him.

Eventually, the pair of them made their way around the room to where he stood. “Laurel, this is Adrian Chase, my DA.”

“Well, it’s good to meet you.” There was not a hint of recognition in her features. Did she hope that here, in public, they were trapped into playing their roles, that he wouldn’t be able to get the truth out of her?

For now, he smiled politely. “You as well.”

“Adrian’s agreed to help with John’s case,” Oliver added in an undertone.

Her eyes lit up. “I was hoping to hear more of the details on that.”

Well that was interesting. Was she angling to speak with him now?

“I’d be happy to get such an accomplished lawyer’s position on it. Who knows? If things had been different, we could’ve been working this together,” Adrian said, his one hand clenched right where it rested in his pocket as she failed to give any hint that she understood his double meaning. “If I could borrow Miss Lance for a moment, Oliver? Shop talk, you could call it.”

“That’s fine with me. I’m sure you and Laurel have a lot to say on the subject. I’ll just be making the rounds.” With a last smile in Laurel Lance’s direction, the man turned and walked back through the crowd.

“It’s a little loud in here, don’t you think?” Adrian asked, not waiting for an answer before he turned and left the main hall. There was a smaller, unused room in the venue just across the hall, a few tables and chairs being stored and little else. It would do.

“So, Oliver told me you were able to have John remain here by invoking the Star City charter,” she said as she entered the room.

Adrian rolled his eyes. “What exactly is your plan here?”

She blinked. “I’m sorry?”

“You can drop the act, Siren,” he said, stepping closer and lowering his voice. “I highly doubt Oliver is listening in considering how well you’ve apparently wrapped him around your finger. I have to wonder how you did it.”

She stared at him. “How do you know about Black Siren?”

Adrian was about fed up with the games. “How does the man who sprung you from a four-by-four cell know who you are? You can play dumb with Oliver, but it won’t work on me.”

“You’re Prometheus,” she breathed, and the shock looked so genuine, he found himself honestly wondering if she somehow hadn’t known, no matter that he knew she did.

“I’m glad you’re caught up, but you seem to need a reminder of who exactly is in charge here,” Adrian said, reaching swiftly to circle his hand around her throat.

Her eyes bulged as her nails dug sharply into his hand. He threw her down before her kick could connect with his side; he just felt the scrape of her heel against his pant leg.

“This new life you’re trying to build yourself here on this Earth, you wouldn’t have it without me. I can take it away just as easily.”

She shot up and lunged at him immediately, and Adrian sidestepped her, letting her careen straight into one of the tables. The crash did not seem to faze her, for she whirled around and was on him before he could dodge a second time, clawing and punching at every bit of him she could reach. Her eyes were wild, and without his training he might have been overwhelmed.

But he rammed her with his shoulder to send her staggering back, one of her heels snapping. 

Adrian straightened his jacket, reaching into an inner pocket for his stars as she rallied, lips pulled back in an animalistic snarl.

One thing was finally clear: this was not the Black Siren. This was something else. Something worse.

---

Oliver walked through the throng of people, nodding in acknowledgement whenever he caught the eye of someone he and Laurel had already spoken to. So far, the night had gone off without a hitch, for which he was immensely grateful. Laurel deserved a night of celebration like this.

He kept waiting for some sign that he was dreaming again, some indication that it was all about to be ripped away. He didn’t get lucky like this, not ever.

There was so much he wanted to say to her, it was hard to put the feeling into words. Thea made it sound so easy, but then Thea didn’t know how he had failed to let Laurel know what she meant to him that night in the hospital when she confessed her own feelings. Feelings she hadn’t spoken of or acted on since. Not even now that he and Felicity were well and truly estranged.

He had expected to feel more regret over that, but truthfully it had made some things easier. The recruits had started shaping up more, whether that was out of fear of being kicked off the team or what he couldn’t exactly say. But he was glad to be able to feel in control of this unit he had agreed to take on. Thea was coming down to the base more to borrow the training area, too, and he had a feeling she was inching back towards the life of Speedy now that her partner in the field had returned. With Laurel’s new role official, she would be joining them down in the bunker rather than the beta site as well. It would be good to have more people with experience than just himself out there.

But how to show Laurel that, that he was happy and hopeful about the future again? And a future with her. It wasn’t even a question of if he should tell her; he didn’t think he could hide the way he felt for very long. When she had come back to her room that morning looking so much like the dream he had had, Oliver had forgotten how to breathe for a moment. Forgotten, too, that he was not her fiancé with the permission to look upon her with awe and desire.

She deserved to know. He just had to get over this old fear of his, convince himself he wouldn’t screw it up this time, and tell her.

Oliver wandered the perimeter of the room as these thoughts played out in his head until he found himself standing near the door he had made note that Adrian and Laurel had left through. He wanted to be able to catch her when she came back, missing her by his side already.

“I was starting to wonder if I might catch you alone.”

He froze. “Susan…”

It was not that he had forgotten the reporter he had taken on a date. But guilt churned in his stomach all the same as he turned to face her fully. There was no reason for it; Laurel had been, as far as he had known, beyond his reach in this life, and had given her deathbed blessing to him finding happiness without her — even if she had felt that would be with Felicity at the time. 

“You must be really happy to have her back,” Susan said.

“I am,” he answered with a small smile he couldn’t help. He felt guilt towards Susan as well, considering what he knew was really in his heart. He should have called her to end things before now. “Listen, about, um—”

Susan held up a hand to stop his halting attempt. “It’s been nice, Oliver, but I’d have to be blind not to see what Laurel Lance means to you. And I’m big enough to know there’s little point getting in between that.” She smirked as she added, “Probably better I don’t get too heavily involved with the politician I’m trying to cover anyway.”

Oliver nodded. “Thank you. Really.”

She nodded and turned to leave. The relief that Oliver felt was cut short when he heard a loud crash from somewhere out in the venue. Susan pivoted on the balls of her feet.

“What was that?”

“I’m not sure.” Oliver slipped out of the door, unsurprised when Susan followed him. He was fairly certain it had come from the room directly ahead. “Stay behind me, okay?” He asked as he cautiously approached the door, which had been left just slightly ajar. He peered through the gap, eyes widening in alarm at what he saw.

Adrian stood in the middle of the floor, his suit and hair rumpled and a split lip slowly leaking blood. And Laurel, missing one shoe and the other snapped off at the heel, struggled to free the skirt of her dress from where it was pinned to the wall by three throwing stars.

“I’d love to understand what you really are, but Oliver isn’t ready to know my secret yet. I’m afraid there’ll be need for a fresh grave in Starling Cemetery.” Adrian flicked his wrist with practiced ease, another star sailing through the air.

Oliver threw the door open and leapt in front, remembering Susan’s presence at the last minute. He forced his instinct to snatch the weapon out of the air down, instead letting it slash his upper-left arm, teeth gritting at the pain. But the weapon clattered uselessly several feet from Laurel.

He turned to see Adrian’s shocked gaze, and Oliver willed his voice to remain steady as he asked, “What’s the meaning of this?”

Adrian’s answer was cut off by the rip of fabric, and Oliver ducked as Laurel released a sonic scream, features contorted with blind rage. Adrian fell to it, hands clapped over his ears as he cried out in agony.

Laurel marched towards him, her intent to worsen Adrian’s suffering clear. Oliver reached out and caught her around the waist. “Laurel! Laurel, stop!”

The scream died, and she blinked as if coming back to herself. “I- I wasn’t — oh, God.”

“Hey, it‘s okay.” He rubbed her back as she sagged against his shoulder. It was clear what must have happened; the blood lust had been triggered during whatever fight had broken out here. He was just glad he had intervened in time to keep a life off her conscious. Even if it was the life of a man who must have had some sort of long game to betray Oliver planned. Who really was Adrian Chase?

He caught Susan’s eye as she surveyed the whole scene and asked, “Can you call 911?”

She nodded. “I take it the DA is actually our Throwing Star Killer,” Susan remarked, gesturing to the weapons still in the wall, little strips of Laurel’s dress hanging from them.

“Looks like it,” he agreed. “I don’t have a statement on that just now. I, uh, I’ll see what the police are able to find out about it.”

They stuck around long enough to see Adrian taken away. He was only just beginning to stir as he was led away in handcuffs to be looked over at the hospital before being transferred into the SCPD’s custody. Oliver also placed a discrete call to Lyla’s office to see what ARGUS could do about assuming jurisdiction over the case as soon as possible. Adrian knew far too much, even if Oliver didn’t yet understand how.

Laurel’s other shoe was located, and he helped her to hobble towards the back entrance of the venue, hoping to shield her from as much of the press as possible. The last thing needed right now was the press photographing her in a dress with the skirt torn halfway up her thigh.

The driver took them back to his place. Oliver knew it was likely only Laurel’s shock at how she had lost control that was keeping her from asking to be dropped off at either the beta site or the old apartment Thea still owned. She would probably return to the latter soon if he didn’t say anything. Didn’t make any kind of sign.

Once they were inside, Laurel bent down and undid the straps that were barely holding her broken shoes on. “Well, some night,” she remarked with her head still tilted down, hair half-hiding her face.

“It wouldn’t be Star City if something eventful didn’t happen,” he replied. “Was, uh, was that the first time you’ve used…”

“The sonic scream? On purpose, yeah. I didn’t really know how strong it would be. I could’ve killed him.” Her eyes had a haunted look to them as she continued, “One second we were just talking, the next was like he just flipped personalities, was trying to threaten me. He thought I was her. Siren.”

“If he’s really Prometheus, then that makes sense.”

“The way he talked about me – her,” she amended, giving a slight shake of her head as if to clear it. “It was like he thought he owned her. The others told me the things she did, but nobody should be talked to like that.”

“I know,” he agreed. “She told me that she wanted out. I never found out if it was the truth or a lie.” Seeing the way his Laurel felt about it now, he thought maybe it just might have been a truth, even one that Black Siren hadn’t actually wanted to admit to herself. Or maybe that was wishful thinking; thanks to the others, he would never know.

“Then he attacked me. I just lost it, and when you were hurt—” Her hand reached out, just barely brushing his arm below the gaze bandage a paramedic had applied. “If you hadn’t stopped me, I would have killed him,” she stated. “I guess I’m not as different from her as I thought.”

“Maybe, but that’s not such a bad thing,” he said. She looked up at him in surprise. “If I hadn’t seen some of you in her, I might not have gone so far to try and bring her back. I might never have known there was a way to save you. Black Siren wasn’t evil, no matter what the others say,” he added. “I think she was just lost. You know what that’s like.”

She nodded.

“But you’re not a killer, Laurel. That was the effect of the Pit.”

“I was hoping the new one wouldn’t have the same side effects.”

“So was I,” he admitted. “But we’ll get more of the Lotus. You’ll be fine, just like Thea.”

Laurel’s lips twisted in a funny half smile. “Thea doesn’t seem fine right now. I think she’s going to lose it if you don’t tell me whatever it is she wants you to.”

Oliver swallowed. There it was. He was being handed a perfect opportunity to open up, to be truthful about his feelings. There was never anything half as terrifying as that. “Thea… what she wants me to tell you, it wouldn’t make any sense to come right out and say. There’s things you have to know.”

“Like?”

“Like how much losing you hurt. That it caused me to look back on the last few years and think of all the time I wasted. How much I wished things had been different for you and me.”

Laurel’s throat bobbed, but she remained silent, listening.

“And a couple months ago, my wish was granted.”

“A couple months?” She asked, and he didn’t blame her for the confusion. Laurel had only been back for a month.

“Yeah. See, when the Dominators came to Earth, they took a few of us hostage, to try and study us for potential weaknesses. We were placed in some kind of stasis where our minds went to a made-up reality based on our dearest-held dreams. Thea and I were back at the Manor with mom and my father. They were alive.”

“Oh, Ollie,” Laurel said softly.

“Yeah. The thing was, you were there, too. And it was almost our wedding day.”

Laurel’s mouth fell open. He didn’t know if the shock on her face was a good or bad thing, but Oliver also knew that he needed to say this no matter the outcome.

“I love you, Laurel,” he confessed. “And I know it doesn’t make up for all the years or the ways that I’ve hurt you whether I meant to or not. All I know is, when you told me how you still felt, all I could think about was what could’ve been for us. It haunted me the whole time that I thought we’d lost that chance.” Even now, he could see her in that beautiful white gown, her face so sad as he was forced to leave to help the others. “I wondered how I hadn’t seen it, why you couldn’t have said something before.”

“You were happy,” she said, as if that was all that needed saying. Her eyes shone bright with unshed tears. “You were happier without me.”

He shook his head. “The one thing I haven’t been this past year is happy without you. This, right now, is the best I have felt in a long time.”

He didn’t just mean because he had finally given voice to his feelings. Oliver had a team that was learning to respect his judgement calls in the base and in the field; he honestly didn’t miss the constant back talk on the comms. He felt better, too, seeing Thea happier and knowing that once Quentin finished his rehab program that he would come home to his daughter and be whole again. The looming threat of Prometheus had been ended as abruptly as it had begun. None of this would have been possible without Laurel.

“I know this cannot be an easy decision to make. I understand if, whatever our feelings for each other are, you’d prefer to remain as we were before that night. All I’ll ever ask of you is to be part of my life, Laurel, because it’s a far less full one without you,” he finished.

Her head tilted as her lips pressed right together for a moment, considering him. Then at last she stepped forward, cupping his cheek with her hand. “You know I never do things halfway, Ollie.” She rose onto her tiptoes, her hand at his cheek guiding his lips to meet hers in that perfect synchronous dance he had longed for, so much better than his dream for knowing that it was real.

Oliver smoothed his hands over her arms, down her back and up into her hair, unable to choose now that he was granted it all. Laurel seemed of a similar mind, hands cupping his face then smoothing down his shoulders, then up and his suit jacket. They were each aware of the time they had wasted before and how they could never get it back, and it spurred them on towards making the most of the time they had ahead. The time they very nearly hadn’t had.

He regretted what had happened to Laurel’s counterpart from Earth-2. No version of her deserved a violent end in his eyes. He took some comfort at least that she was now free from men like Adrian or Zoom. Maybe her soul had gone to whatever was next beyond the grave to find the Ollie she had truly loved and not just the man that looked like him. He chose to believe that, since he’d been granted the same beautiful dream in its own way.

For all that he and Laurel had suffered through, if it meant they arrived at this point together, Oliver wouldn’t change it. No matter how tempting it could be to fix the past, he knew how fragile time could be. And this time, at last, was theirs.

---

Talia al Ghul was more familiar with disappointment than one of her ability and lineage would like. Her first disappointment had come from her Beloved. Bruce had been a fine warrior, full of discipline, intellect, skill and honor. Yet he had lacked the conviction to bring a permanent end to those who committed evil in the world and so he had left her and her father’s League behind.

Then there had been her father himself. She could admit with chagrin that Bruce had been the one to initially question her father’s intention to pass on the title of Ra’s al Ghul to her. As the years had worn on, Talia had seen for herself that he would never do so. And so she had left, forming her own following to carry on the mission she still believed in.

Yet now, two of her own students had disappointed her one after the other. Oliver Queen and the one who called himself Adrian Chase. The former had killed her father and handed the League of Assassins to a traitor which caused it to fail less than a year later, and the latter had failed to be her instrument of revenge. Instead, she currently watched as the news continued to cover his arrest and the accusations mounting against him. Something would have to be done, and quickly. She was not ready for The connection Mr. Chase had to her to be revealed, as it might should he be questioned.

Talia had left it up to her student to plan the reckoning Oliver should face, who it would involve and where it would be. All of this would have to be abandoned now, and more planning would have to be done. Especially to accommodate the unexpected wrinkle that had developed: the return of this Earth’s Dinah Laurel Lance, Oliver’s own Beloved.

Talia’s spies had followed Oliver and his associates’ progress to the mountains of Siberia and confirmed to her that one of the rumored Lazarus Pits was in that location. She had also been made aware of the comings and goings of Miss Lance to and from the United States’ Capitol. Yet she had not realized until tonight — nor had Mr. Chase, it seemed — that rather than the copy of her from another Earth, Oliver had somehow managed to resurrect the original. It would be like him to play with those kind of forces with little regard for any consequences.

Talia left her current base of operations to deal with one of those consequences. Mr. Chase was going to be moved from where he was being seen at Star City General to a holding cell at the downtown precinct. It was her task to ensure this never came to pass.

She took up her position only minutes before Mr. Chase was escorted out the front doors towards a waiting transport van. From the rooftop across the street, she watched her chosen spy approach at a walking pace, the umbrella he had taken from their supply store tucked under his arm. She saw the moment he fired the jet of poison gas from a crushed cyanide ampule, though it was truly invisible to the eye, then smirked as an officer moved to intercept him from fully crossing paths with the police escort. Her agent backed away, feigning as though he had not realized what was going on, and crossed the street to continue his walk.

Just as Mr. Chase was walked up the steps of the transport van, he collapsed to one knee, the poison already taking its effect. None of those around him would realize that was what it was, of course. To them, it would appear as though he suffered a sudden heart attack. They would see the matter as closed and put the unfortunate memory of their fallen District Attorney behind them.

Oliver would suspect, of course. Oliver always suspected. But he would only have his suspicions. For now, Talia would retreat and reassess the best way to bring retribution to her former student. Let him grow complacent with his loved ones; she had all the time the Lazarus water allowed her to have her revenge.

#lauriver #laurel x oliver #laurel lance #oliver queen #arrow #green arrow #black canary #my writing

[gra-sonas]

Howdy... Max?!

f you haven't yet watched the season 2 finale of Roswell, New Mexico, stop reading right now. Go watch it (or hibernate in an alien pod until you can) and then come back here to hear what series star Jeanine Mason (Liz Ortecho) and creator Carina Adly MacKenzie have to say about that shocking final moment.

After a season of heart problems (romantic and literal), threesomes(!), abductions, and plenty of family drama, the second season of the CW extraterrestrial drama came to close on Monday night, sidestepping a literal explosion but still managing to make our minds explode. Yup, in the final moments of the episode, Max (Nathan Dean Parsons), Isobel (Lily Cowles) and Michael (Michael Vlamis) arrived in a cave that housed an extraterrestrial cage containing another alien who looked exactly (plus an impressive beard) like Max! Is it an evil twin? A doppelgänger? A dark part of Max himself?

We asked MacKenzie for the inside scoop and all the other insight on the twists and turns of the final episode. Plus, Mason dishes on Liz's decision to leave Roswell and Max behind.

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: Let's start at the end. Can you tell us anything at all about Mr. Jones a.k.a Other Max?

CARINA ADLY MACKENZIE: Nathan wasn't working a whole lot at the beginning of this season and we decided we're going to put him to work double next year. I will say, it's been in the works for a while. That scene with his hand on Nora's shoulder was one of the first scenes of the season that we shot and it's one of the last ones that you see, so we've been building to it. I'm excited to tell the story of Mr. Jones next season.

I mean, I'm sure you can't answer but I'm going to ask anyway: Is he a twin? A doppelgänger? Some alien then we haven't heard of yet?

MACKENZIE: Yeah, I'm not going to answer that question. I'm starting a year of my life of trying really hard not to answer that question.

Were you excited at the idea of two Maxes when you first found out, Jeanine?

JEANINE MASON: Yeah, our minds were blown. What I love about the character of Max is he's all things good, decent and righteous and now to turn that on its head and make him all the opposite things... I'm excited for Nathan to have that as an acting exercise and I'm so excited to support him through season 3. Also, for fans, it's going to be really jarring and disorienting, and anything that requires us to watch more attentively and sit on the edge of our seats, and really question the things we know to be true, I think is so smart and exciting and engaging. I'm also interested to see how and when Liz will find out. She's also a prime person to be taken advantage of and duped by it.

"Howdy, partner" was such a great last line for the season. Was that yours, Carina?

MACKENZIE: That was me. I felt like it was the correct mix of amusing and menacing and Mr. Jones is going to be really fun to write because that's sort of where he lives: between amusing and menacing. Nathan loves that beard. He walks differently when he had it. His whole vibe changes. He becomes this like silver, bartender guy, who I don't know.

We saw Liz decided to move to California at the end and Max chose not to follow. Why is their relationship failing right now?

MACKENZIE: Max has had secrets his entire life. He's a very, very, very good liar because his entire life he's had to lie to everyone who loves him and he hasn't yet learned how to be a true partner to Liz. He makes a lot of promises and doesn't follow through. That said, Liz's ambition is overwhelming to her and what she's doing with the alien DNA is unethical. It's not right. In her mind, it's "I'm taking a risk, but I could possibly save so many people." In his mind, the risk is too great. You don't just get to mess with somebody else, even if she's saying it's not hurting anyone. There's this moment in the fight where she says, "I'm not hurting anyone," and he just looks at her with this searing look and it's like, no, she is. They're hurting each other. I think that politically right now, they are on opposite sides of a major issue that affects both of them. We wanted to tell a story in which the conflict in their relationship just comes from the two of them. It's not about Diego. It's not about California. It's about Liz and Max and they're not able to align right now. They love each other so much, but sometimes that's just not enough.

Jeanine, did you feel like Liz was doing the right thing by leaving for now?

MASON: I felt certain that this was what was right for Liz. I was just grateful to our writers that they wrote her in a way that feels, to me, real and mature and actually indicative of a 29-year-old woman who says, right now, this is too much and I need my space. I need to reclaim my agency and I need to go. There's a sense with them and their epic love, the energy of Max and Liz, that probably plays into her being okay with saying, right now is not the right time. I can believe that maybe it will be later because we found each other after ten years before.

Speaking of breakups, Michael and Maria (Heather Hemmens) also ended things in this episode. Can you explain a little more of Maria's thinking there?

MACKENZIE:  I think that Maria's reasoning comes from not wanting to hold anybody back and not wanting to hold herself back. She's made Michael a lot of promises. She's promised that she isn't going to leave him alone and she realizes that she can't keep a promise to herself while also keeping a promise to Michael. In her mind, she's in this difficult situation in which she's watching the man she loves go racing to save someone else that she loves, but then wants her to stay out of the fray. Rather than spend the rest of her life fighting about that, she's just got to let him go. It's kind of heartbreaking. I really loved that scene. Both her actors did a phenomenal job. They both called me and were like, "Wait! Why?" just freaking out. Sometimes I think you have to take a big step back and look at the bigger picture and the bigger implications on your life. We're not telling stories about high school kids. We're telling stories about people that are almost 30 and they're looking for life partners and I think she realizes that he's not hers and she's not his.

I have to ask about Alex's song. Did you write that, Carina?

MACKENZIE: I wrote it with Leslie Powell and Charlie Snyder and I'm super proud of it. My cut of the royalties are going to The Trevor Project, so I'm very excited for people to finally hear it. There's lots of little throwbacks in there.

How has it been having both Shiri Appleby and Jason Behr on set this season?

MASON: I mean, so wonderful. One of the biggest gifts from this job is just how it's a family within a family within a family. That's a really unique experience to get to have and one that's been positively received by the fans, the original fans and fans of the book series. Then also on set, it's fun to see the excitement on our faces of them coming in and joining forces. There's this feeling of disbelief sometimes where I'll look over and I'm just marveling at it. I told Jason like a year ago I was obsessed with Colin Hanks. We'd been joking about it and I was like, "So, now we're at a point where if I saw him at the grocery store, I could tell him we're friends? That could be my intro?" Now he says he's trying to finagle something. I don't know what, but I'm going to die.

The show does so well at being relevant and part of the conversation. Is there one scene, storyline, or interaction your most proud of this season? The scene with Liz and Max in the diner in the penultimate episode where Liz tells Max, “You don’t get this. That’s not your fault it’s just the reality of our experiences,” really stood out to me.

MASON: It's our favorite thing about the show and that we're supported, to be honest, and have our eyes open in that way is such a gift. It's just amazing the timing of last week's episode, alongside these conversations that are happening about Black lives matter and how much they do. It was so powerful. I think that's the kind of stuff that the universe is able to reward you with, when you do something that is right and you're willing to have a conversation that maybe everybody else is dancing around a bit. It was powerful for me to sit there and work on those lines and load them up with all the feelings that I do very much share about, I can love and emphasize with you and you can love and emphasize with me, but you have to understand that it's nothing negative to say that you're not going to ultimately understand. That doesn't mean you can't be an ally.

MACKENZIE: In the current climate, I'm really grateful that we get to ask questions and have tough conversations about race and privilege and misogyny and all of these tough conversations that we're able to reflect on. We just sort of live in that world. Seeing what's been going on in the world lately, I've just been very proud of our show and that no matter what we're going through as a society, I feel like we have been asking relevant questions during our time on Roswell. It makes things feel a little bit less trivial.

Can you tease anything for season 3?

MACKENZIE: The interesting thing is that before we took our extended break, we were planning on a season about racism in the police department. So during the break, we're doing a whole lot of thinking about how we're going to take a look at our plans with new eyes.

~ EW

#roswell new mexico #rnm 2x13 #rnm spoilers #jeanine mason #rnm press #roswell new mexico s3 #carina mackenzie

[acoolchickouthere13]

July 10, 2019- Amazon prime day concert

July 23, 2019- shares likes with Joe on Instagram, shoots the lover music video, releases the Archer single in the livestream, and gets VMA nominations, does an interview with CBS Sunday morning

First secret session in London Friday August 2nd, 2019

Karlie Kloss turns 27 August 3, 2019

I still believe this was taken during the Australia winter 2016 trip, when Taylor was “26”

August 4th, 2019

Second secret session in Nashville Sunday August 4th, 2019(Over 100 fans were in attendance, apparently, as the event was said to include guests from a Nashville session AND an alleged Rhode Island session. (There are rumors the original Rhode Island session was canceled because the date got leaked))

August 5th, 2019 Nashville

“When we talked seven years ago, everything was going so well for you, and you were very worried that something would go wrong.

Yeah, I kind of knew it would. I felt like I was walking along the sidewalk, knowing eventually the pavement was going to crumble and I was gonna fall through. You can’t keep winning and have people like it. People love “new” so much — they raise you up the flagpole, and you’re waving at the top of the flagpole for a while. And then they’re like, “Wait, this new flag is what we actually love.” They decide something you’re doing is incorrect, that you’re not standing for what you should stand for. You’re a bad example. Then if you keep making music and you survive, and you keep connecting with people, eventually they raise you a little bit up the flagpole again, and then they take you back down, and back up again. And it happens to women more than it happens to men in music.

But you also had good things happen in your life at the same time — that’s part of Reputation.

The moments of my true story on that album are songs like “Delicate,” “New Year’s Day,” “Call It What You Want,” “Dress.” The one-two punch, bait-and-switch of Reputation is that it was actually a love story. It was a love story in amongst chaos. All the weaponized sort of metallic battle anthems were what was going on outside. That was the battle raging on that I could see from the windows, and then there was what was happening inside my world — my newly quiet, cozy world that was happening on my own terms for the first time. . . . It’s weird, because in some of the worst times of my career, and reputation, dare I say, I had some of the most beautiful times — in my quiet life that I chose to have. And I had some of the most incredible memories with the friends I now knew cared about me, even if everyone hated me. The bad stuff was really significant and damaging. But the good stuff will endure. The good lessons — you realize that you can’t just show your life to people….words are my only way of making sense of the world and expressing myself — and now any words I say or write are being twisted against me. People love a hate frenzy. It’s like piranhas. People had so much fun hating me, and they didn’t really need very many reasons to do it. I felt like the situation was pretty hopeless. I wrote a lot of really aggressively bitter poems constantly. I wrote a lot of think pieces that I knew I’d never publish, about what it’s like to feel like you’re in a shame spiral. And I couldn’t figure out how to learn from it. Because I wasn’t sure exactly what I did that was so wrong. That was really hard for me, because I cannot stand it when people can’t take criticism. So I try to self-examine, and even though that’s really hard and hurts a lot sometimes, I really try to understand where people are coming from when they don’t like me. And I completely get why people wouldn’t like me. Because, you know, I’ve had my insecurities say those things — and things 1,000 times worse….But I can’t really respond to someone saying, “You, as a human being, are fake.” And if they say you’re playing the victim, that completely undermines your ability to ever verbalize how you feel unless it’s positive. So, OK, should I just smile all the time and never say anything hurts me? Because that’s really fake. Or should I be real about how I’m feeling and have valid, legitimate responses to things that happened to me in my life? But wait, would that be playing the victim? ...I needed to grow up in many ways. I needed to make boundaries, to figure out what was mine and what was the public’s. That old version of me that shares unfailingly and unblinkingly with a world that is probably not fit to be shared with? I think that’s gone. But it was definitely just, like, a fun moment in the studio with me and Jack [Antonoff] where I wanted to play on the idea of a phone call — because that’s how all of this started, a stupid phone call I shouldn’t have picked up….I don’t think I’ve ever leaned into the old version of myself more creatively than I have on this album, where it’s very, very autobiographical. But also moments of extreme catchiness and moments of extreme personal confession….

But is the idea that as your own life becomes less dramatic, you’ll need to pull ideas from other places?

I don’t feel like that yet. I think I might feel like that possibly when I have a family. If I have a family. [Pauses] I don’t know why I said that! But that’s what I’ve heard from other artists, that they were very protective of their personal life, so they had to draw inspiration from other things. But again, I don’t know why I said that. Because I don’t know how my life is going to go or what I’m going to do. But right now, I feel like it’s easier for me to write than it ever was.

...I’m not scared anymore to say that other things in my career, like how to market an album, are strictly strategic. And I’m sick of women not being able to say that they have strategic business minds — because male artists are allowed to. And so I’m sick and tired of having to pretend like I don’t mastermind my own business. But, it’s a different part of my brain than I use to write. [THIS IS AFTER SHE SAID DBATC WAS INSPIRED BY “SOMEONE GREAT” ON ELLEN]

You’ve been masterminding your business since you were a teenager.

Yeah, but I’ve also tried very hard — and this is one thing I regret — to convince people that I wasn’t the one holding the puppet strings of my marketing existence, or the fact that I sit in a conference room several times a week and come up with these ideas. I felt for a very long time that people don’t want to think of a woman in music who isn’t just a happy, talented accident. We’re all forced to kind of be like, “Aw, shucks, this happened again! We’re still doing well! Aw, that’s so great.” Alex Morgan celebrating scoring a goal at the World Cup and getting shit for it is a perfect example of why we’re not allowed to flaunt or celebrate, or reveal that, like, “Oh, yeah, it was me. I came up with this stuff.” I think it’s really unfair. People love new female artists so much because they’re able to explain that woman’s success. There’s an easy trajectory. Look at the Game of Thrones finale. I specifically really related to Daenerys’ storyline because for me it portrayed that it is a lot easier for a woman to attain power than to maintain it….for me, the times when I felt like I was going insane was when I was trying to maintain my career in the same way that I ascended. It’s easier to get power than to keep it. It’s easier to get acclaim than to keep it. It’s easier to get attention than to keep it….maybe this is a reflection on how we treat women in power, how we are totally going to conspire against them and tear at them until they feel this — this insane shift, where you wonder, like, “What changed?” And I’ve had that happen, like, 60 times in my career where I’m like, “OK, you liked me last year, what changed? I guess I’ll change so I can keep entertaining you guys….the question posed to me is, if you kept trying to do good things, but everyone saw those things in a cynical way and assumed them to be done with bad motivation and bad intent, would you still do good things, even though nothing that you did was looked at as good? And the answer is, yes. Criticism that’s constructive is helpful to my character growth. Baseless criticism is stuff I’ve got to toss out now….I’ve never been to therapy. I talk to my mom a lot, because my mom is the one who’s seen everything. God, it takes so long to download somebody on the last 29 years of my life, and my mom has seen it all. She knows exactly where I’m coming from. And we talk endlessly. There were times when I used to have really, really, really bad days where we would just be on the phone for hours and hours and hours. I’d write something that I wanted to say, and instead of posting it, I’d just read it to her.

the lyric in “Daylight,” the idea of “so many lines that I’ve crossed unforgiven” — it’s a different kind of confession.

I am really glad you liked that line, because that’s something that does bother me, looking back at life and realizing that no matter what, you screw things up. Sometimes there are people that were in your life and they’re not anymore — and there’s nothing you can do about it. You can’t fix it, you can’t change it. I told the fans last night that sometimes on my bad days, I feel like my life is a pile of crap accumulated of only the bad headlines or the bad things that have happened, or the mistakes I’ve made or clichés or rumors or things that people think about me or have thought for the last 15 years. And that was part of the “Look What You Made Me Do” music video, where I had a pile of literal old selves fighting each other. But, yeah, that line is indicative of my anxiety about how in life you can’t get everything right. A lot of times you make the wrong call, make the wrong decision. Say the wrong thing. Hurt people, even if you didn’t mean to. You don’t really know how to fix all of that. When it’s, like, 29 years’ worth. No one gets through it unscathed. No one gets through in one piece. I think that’s a hard thing for a lot of people to grasp. I know it was hard for me, because I kind of grew up thinking, “If I’m nice, and if I try to do the right thing, you know, maybe I can just, like, ace this whole thing.” And it turns out I can’t.

It’s interesting to look at “I Did Something Bad” in this context.

You pointing that out is really interesting because it’s something I’ve had to reconcile within myself in the last couple of years — that sort of “good” complex. Because from the time I was a kid I’d try to be kind, be a good person. Try really hard. But you get walked all over sometimes. And how do you respond to being walked all over? You can’t just sit there and eat your salad and let it happen. “I Did Something Bad” was about doing something that was so against what I would usually do. ...a couple of years ago I started working on actually just responding to my emotions in a quicker fashion. And it’s really helped with stuff. It’s helped so much because sometimes you get in arguments. But conflict in the moment is so much better than combat after the fact.”(x)

Third secret session in LA Tuesday August 6th, 2019

Also does a livestream announcement

August 10 LA Party with YNTCD and ME! Costars #drunktaylor -purple nails

#accohtimeline #taylor swift #taylorswift #ts #taylor #swift #kaylor #accoh timeline #gaylor #gaylor swift

[alexmanesairstream]

Okay. Time for my ramblings. You're all free to not read a word of this but I just needed to put my thoughts out there. So. Going into s2, my only reason for watching the show was seeing Alex Manes (bc Tyler is one of my all time favourite actors and also just ALEX MANES). But after seeing the promo and fan chatter before the premier I admit getting my hopes up and becoming a little more open to the entire show as a whole again. I had hoped that s2 would be a huge improvement in terms of writing, consistency, good representation and overall storytelling. Anyways, here’s just some thoughts I’ve had after the first episode if you care to read it. I've left the Malex (and Maria) thoughts to the end bc I wanted to speak about the entire episode first. The Malex part is right at the end if anyone is reading this and only wants to read that part.

Firstly, the episode felt very disconnected. I know there was a time jump but that also left so many questions unanswered.

Kyle and Alex are well aware of the alien secret, so it made no sense that they were in the dark about Rosa being alive and Max being dead. I would've thought that both of them would've been made aware of it immediately.

This may be more of a personal preference but I've always been more interested in sci-fi aspects of the show since I always find supernatural elements on shows to become repetitive and far fetched (yes I know it's supernatural but I've always liked when there was a scientific or logical explanation behind something). Ep1 (and I know Carina said this season would explore supernatural elements and not the sci-fi aspects of it) hinted a very big supernatural storyline which I wasn't too keen on- it just gave off some big vampire diaries 'the other side' vibes. I really wish they would've explores a more unique and original storyline rather than something so repetitive with regards to Max.

Now for the science and little sci-fi parts, I know they're strained for time so there's a lot that they have to leave out but most of the science seemed far fetched or rather lacking any good grounding explanation. I get that it's a show but I would've liked for it to have made some sense rather than the random stuff Michael and Liz would say that seemingly came out of thin air. Especially when they were having their science Bro moments and interacting with substances etc- where are these substances from? What to they do? How did you get it? Idk maybe I'm being overly obsessive over this but it irks me bc I always lose interest when I can't coherently follow a storyline with logic

Rosa being back. I don't have much to say on this. The sister dynamic is kinda cute. I really don't like this weird supernatural connection thing she has with Max. Like I said, very vampire diaries like and it's just not making sense (maybe I didn't pay close enough attention idk). Also, can we get some clarity on her age. She was 19 when she died. So she should be 29 in the present day. But she mentioned something about being the hottest 31 year old when Liz told her to get a license in California. So what's up with that.

Isobel pregnancy : Yeah there's a lot I could say here. I'm assuming they're trying to do a storyline on abortion and a woman's right to her own body which I would be eager to see but at the same time, Isobel being pregnant with her dead abusive rapist's baby seems a lot like it was done for drama (sigh). It also has me wondering how since it was clear in s1 that Isobel didn't want children while Noah did- obviously she may have changed her mind after their reconciliation after she came out of the pod and also bc I accidents happen (do condoms even work with aliens???).

Now for the Malex and Maria part of it:

Since Alex was not aware of Max dying, wouldn't he have then made an effort to speak to Michael again in those two weeks since the finale. I would understand him wanting to give Michael space if he had known about Max dying but since he didn't know, did he just accept that Michael left him waiting at the trailer and leave it at that until after Noah's funeral? That just doesn't make sense to me but moving on

So Michael says that Alex told him he was going to leave the airforce to play music. Lol lots to get into here. Firstly, kinda strange that Alex would have told him that specifically that night in the trailer. Also, I was under the impression that what we were shown on screen was all that there was in that interaction. I don't see at which point Alex could've mentioned him leaving the airforce before Michael had to run out. Secondly, Alex leaving the airforce to play music? That just seems hella out of character and frankly completely unrealistic. Alex has spent the last 10 years gaining different skills, learning new things about himself, evolving and changing as a person. While he may have always had this dream about making music the fact is most people end up studying something or doing something in a different direction than their teenage self wanted. Alex is no different. While he may have wanted to leave the airforce it just doesn't seem plausible that he'd want to explore an entirely new career path as a musician. It would've made more sense for him to go into a career with cyber security and his skills in hacking, coding and programming instead. Also, unless he's got hell money from somewhere it's just completely unrealistic. He's a veteran (there are so many homeless, unemployed, uninsured, struggling veterans) who surely would need a stable income. It just feels like it's some a random storyline to have when there's been no indication of it, and it's completely out of character for Alex to decide to pursue music after 10 years in the airforce when we aren't even sure if he's done anything related to it in the last 10 years. Maybe I'm being harsh because personally I would've liked Alex to pursue something with the skills he gained in the airforce and also bc I rarely believe anyone is the same person with the same dreams and passions they had when they were a teenager. I mean, we all grow, evolve and change and that's okay. I would've really liked for Alex storyline to have been along those lines- taking what he's learned out of something he didn't necessarily want and taking control of who he is with those skills and his future (apparently in order to be a captain and also to be a code breaker Alex would've need to have gone to college while in the airforce). Idk maybe I'm bias bc I absolutely love seeing BAMF Alex Manes and how smart he is when he's working and code breaking.

Hmm Alex has a house. Like an actual house. And not a single person in the fandom knew this. In fact if Carina hadn't clarified on Twitter, we'd all be confused as hell. Literally everyone thought he lived at the cabin and rightfully so. It also makes me question why Alex had been at the cabin the day Kyle was there if he doesn't live at the cabin. But anyways small details. I'm trying not to be petty. I also really would like to know how Michael knows where Alex lives hmmm

I absolutely loved that Alex's first thought was to give Michael a guitar bc he remembers what he lost when Jesse ruined his hand. I am HERE for Alex Manes' kindness and wholesomeness.

Alex has PTSD. He would never be sitting with his back towards an entry point and music blaring loudly while he didn't have his prosthetic on. Carina responded on Twitter saying his PTSD is from childhood and not the war. I can't really understand how the war and losing a limb would not affect him and his existing PTSD at all. But again, I'll overlook this inconsistency

Michael's little confrontation speech to Alex- totally get it. It makes a lot of sense from Michael's perspective. I do however still have an issue with this thing of Alex 'leaving'. The ONLY time Alex actively left was when he enlisted. Any time after that was beyond his control. He was in the military. He had no choice. I really wish we could at some point see how all of this affected Alex instead of constantly seeing it from a one- sided Michael perspective.

And now Maria and Michael. Just a few words. What the fuck. I say all of this as someone who absolutely believes Malex shouldn't be together right now and who is fully on board with them just being friends right now:

- As someone who loved Maria in the first season and as a woman of colour, I fucking hate her storyline and what they're making her character do. It was cringe and desperate and humiliating for her to be running after Michael after one kiss. And also, SO out of character for her. Maria Deluca is her own saviour and would never run after someone who behaved the way Michael had in that ep. She would abso-fucking-lutely not chase after a man and put herself out there in such a desperate way like that.

- Secondly, has she just forgotten Alex exists? This is so not the Maria we know. Chasing after a man for something when he's not giving anything back in return and not even bothering to speak to Alex or attempt any sort of communication with him before she continues pursuing Michael. It makes no sense. I only see the Maria hate escalating at this point and I don't blame anyone for it. At this point she 100% deserves it. It's so so out of character for her not to have spoken to Alex and to continue pursuing Michael before speaking to Alex.

Honestly I've said it since the start- I hate love triangles and this one in particular rubs me the wrong way for so many reasons. I honestly don't see how we can redeem Maria's character after this mess. The whole Michael and Maria thing is just messy (and not in a cool dramatic TV show way), and is for a lot of us straight up character assassination for both Michael and Maria. I'm just so put off by both of their characters. If they were adamant about this storyline, I wish they'd done it and left Alex out from the start (I said Kylex rights!).

In conclusion, it's a shitshow. The show is just all over the place and the writing doesn't seem to have improved from the inconsistencies and plot holes. There's a lot more I could say but this was all I thought about right now for that episode. I also have so many thoughts on what Carina has recently said but I'm not in the right space of mind to address that rn. She's hell problematic lmao. But anyways, going forward, I'm just here for my Tyler Blackburn and watching him kill it as Alex Manes and I'm kinda really excited to see him with his new love interest.

#roswell nm #roswell new mexico #rnm s2 #malex #michael x alex #alex manes #michael guerin #maria deluca #michael x maria #carina adly mackenzie #miluca #liz ortecho #kylex #kyle valenti #max evans #rosa ortecho #isobel evans #malex fic #flint manes #michael and Maria #forlex #alex x forest

[softasheijis]

Hi! I recently finished watching bf and I loved every second of it. I want to know at what point you think Ash fell in love with Eiji? I personally think he started catching feels after Eiji pole vaulted lol

thanks for the question! i think in order to understand when ash fell in love, you have to understand why and how. i’ll try to break it down for you without accidentally writing 50 pages worth, haha. to begin with, i often think of ash’s relationship development with eiji as that one famous quote from john green:

“I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once.”

sure, they’re star-crossed, and over the span of 24 episodes it doesn’t seem like it, but it was fast. ash didn’t even see it coming, and there’s really only seven stepping stones before it happens.

1. episode 24 provides us with some insight into ash’s first impressions upon their meeting. when eiji asked to see his gun, he was mostly thinking things like, “oh, this guy is too innocent. he’s weird. he doesn’t know a thing about the real world.” his face was carefully blank but he was studying eiji underneath. he didn’t see ibe and eiji as threats and/or equals in any way. the interview was tedious, but there were more important things going on at the moment with arthur anyway, so none of it really mattered. this was just another stranger entertained by his glamorized life of crime, and he was indifferent to it.

2. that changed when eiji pole vaulted over the wall to save ash and skipper in an act of bravery. his feelings towards eiji became recognition. he was so taken aback, he couldn’t stop staring. eiji was unpredictable. this guy could fly. he was a bird, he was free. it was clear then that eiji was everything ash wasn’t, and everything he wished he could have been. suddenly, he was an equal. they lived in two completely different worlds and ash was so envious of that, but on the other hand, he actually liked him. no one had ever bothered to help ash out without wanting anything in return, and his disposition was gentle and kind. although ash thought he was the one who was saved, eiji still thanked him for saving his life and even cried for him. because ash had no reason to hurt someone like eiji, who wanted nothing from him, and because eiji was too trusting and innocent to hurt anyone at all, ash let his guard down. big mistake.

3. consequently, he gives eiji a chance. he kisses him, sends a message, asks him to get something done. clumsy as it was, eiji delivers. he meets ash’s best friend, shorter, and they get along great. i believe shorter is a good judge of character and he’s also a best friend to ash, so that’s significant. at this point, ash is aware he can depend on eiji.

4. next, they visit his childhood home in cape cod. i believe the following moments they share indicate the start of ash beginning to feel something for eiji, regardless of whether that something is a small crush or just strong friendship and solidarity. the arc starts off with eiji learning of his past and ash spending quality time with him. they laugh, they talk freely, and eiji asks him questions no one has really bothered to ask him before. interestingly, eiji seeks him out (as seen right before jennifer is killed and they haul ass) and he looks happy to see him. i’m sure this isn’t the only time he’s done so, and this has to be something unusual to ash. he is used to people seeking him out for business or to kill him. eiji also becomes a sort of catalyst in ash making friendships with others. it’s because of him that ash starts to lean on others more often rather than doing everything himself. 

so after all this, he starts to like eiji a little more. their relationship suddenly shifts and deepens. it’s so obvious, ibe and yut-lung take notice of it quickly. ash trusts him now. he doesn’t tense up when eiji sneaks up behind his back, he’s comfortable with letting eiji know what he’s working on, they rejoice together and high-five like children when successful, etc. they’re a team. he starts to like eiji a little too much, in fact. by the time he tells eiji to go back to japan, it’s too late. he allowed himself to slip, and now ash, a gang leader, has to actually resort to drinking in order to get his shit together because he can’t stop feeling guilty. he’s so in his head about it, he doesn’t even notice max is right next to him and clumsily drops his glass in the sink. this is rare. this scene, however small and funny it is, is intentionally put there to show you just how easily his defenses around others are brought down when it comes to eiji. it’s clear that ash didn’t want to hurt him and that he knows he did. naturally, yut-lung sees this as a weakness and promptly carries out his mission.

5. eiji gets kidnapped. in the height of danger things become a lot more clear to you, and so ash is now forced to face how important he is to him. he’s given a choice: kill your best friend or let eiji die. this is the biggest turning point in their relationship. after this, eiji becomes his rock while grieving. he becomes more important than anyone else. since ash is convinced he’s so monstrous and evil, he decides he can at least protect the one pure thing that’s been in front of him all this time. he can keep eiji from going down the same road he has. eiji doesn’t have to get blood on his hands, because ash can do it for him. 

6. shortly after this cognizance, eiji reveals he’s worried about ash and that he feels strongly for him as well. not only does eiji tell him he isn’t afraid after ash had just killed a man in front of him, he tells ash he’ll wait for him forever, and that he’ll go crazy if he loses him too. the look on ash’s face here is so telling. eiji’s honesty and genuine worry for ash’s safety leaves him so surprised and vulnerable. after the confession he almost can’t tear his gaze away from him, and immediately orders alex to protect him, twice. alex notably raises an eyebrow and finds this odd, but doesn’t question his boss. this is when ash begins to realize the definition of their relationship and how he feels about him romantically.

7. after spending intimate time together away from the world, everything finally clicks into place. ash opens up, crying and spilling his guts out to him in the middle of the night after a nightmare. in the midst of his sorrow, eiji declares that he’ll stay by ash’s side, even if the world turns on him. eiji will stay by his side, even if he’s a murderer. eiji will stay by his side, even if ash doesn’t deserve anyone. and it’s these words that break a dam inside of him that has been kept shut since he was eight. this is when he absolutely, completely falls in love.

ash latches onto his promise without any hesitation, like it’s all he ever wanted to hear. he tearfully pleads for him to stay even if it’s not forever, to which eiji reassures, “forever”. if i had to pin point an exact scene, i’d say it’s definitely this one in episode 11.

ash has been waiting. he’s needed comfort and warmth for so long, and finally, eiji is here. eiji accepts his pain and helps him work through it. eiji listens to him. eiji treats his wounds and protects him. eiji falls asleep with him. eiji is patient. eiji cooks for him and nags him like a mother would. eiji’s touches are soothing and have no awful motives. eiji believes in him and his future. eiji gives him a glimpse of a normal life and makes him feel like he could be someone other than a worthless street punk. eiji is his shelter.

you have to understand that ash has never, never had that. he’s said it himself before to blanca. everyone has feared him in some respect. everyone has needed and expected something from him at some point, or taken it from him by force. he grew up on dino’s demands and manipulations, and even his friendships were first formed by alliances and/or beneficial circumstances.no one has simply done things for him. 

eiji has no obligations to be there for him. he just wants to be next to him, even if that means he’s in serious danger. eiji is so different from everyone else, and he stood out to ash from the very beginning. ash just didn’t know why at the time. 

we’ve gone through when and how already, now here’s the reason why: 

since they met, eiji is the first person to have looked into ash’s eyes and only seen a kind soul, hurting. not a beast, a cold-blooded monster, a sexual weapon, a leader, a murderer, or a wild lynx. just aslan jade callenreese, lost to the world.

so after such sweet words and actions, of course ash falls.

and he doesn’t stop.

#yayayay i love it when you guys ask me stuff #asheiji #anonymous #answered #personal #meta

[hallie-fics]

author spotlight - restlessqueenx

“If you get yourself killed doing this,” Harry murmurs, his hand on the back of her neck, his forehead warm where it's leaning against hers, “I will never ever forgive you.”

- Someday I’ll Need Your Spine to Hide Behind @restlessqueenx

it’s not hard to note the fics that define a fandom. this author has written three, three defining stories. the amount of love and respect i have for them is immense, and i was honored to be able to ask and receive answers for these various questions regarding everything from their writing process to favorite hallie headcanon. 

this is only the first in a series of interviews done with hallie authors. if there’s anyone who you’d like to see, please message me and i’ll get that sorted out right away!

the q&a

*quick note, I tend to shorten my titles when talking about them because I always pick such long titles, so I may refer to Someday I’ll Need Your Spine to Hide Behind as “Spine,” It Feels Like Winter Follows You Around as “Winter” and Screaming at the Stars as “Stars”

Favorite of your stories (and why)

I think, at least right now, it has to be Someday I’ll Need Your Spine to Hide Behind, because it’s complete. Also, because Winter (Harry’s POV) wouldn’t exist without it (I had never intended to write it, and it just sort of happened), and Screaming at the Stars is probably more in the vein of what I normally write, but I can’t decide how satisfied I am with it until I wrap it up.

Easiest story to write

Probably Screaming at the Stars because it just sort of showed up as this emotion in my chest and I knew I wanted to put it down on the page. Spine was pretty time consuming because it’s canon divergent and I was constantly having to check scenes to get the dialogue/descriptions right. I wanted to use as much of canon as I could, but that meant that I couldn’t really write it if I wasn’t home with the episodes available. Winter was (is) difficult because of how dark of a headspace I sometimes have to get into with Harry. Stars is overall a much lighter emotional space to access.

Hardest story to write

Spine, just because of how much work it took to weave the canon with the canon divergence and reframe scenes. Winter is easier because (even though it does include some scenes that aren’t in Spine) I have the blueprint of Spine to refer to, and I reuse some sections of it word for word to highlight the difference in POV when it diverges. Winter is definitely emotionally heavier, but it’s less tedious work.

Pre-writing process (if any)

For me, it depends a lot on the fic. With Spine, the very first thing that came to me was “What if I wrote a soulmate AU where the only thing that indicates that is that wherever you fall asleep, you always wake up where your soulmate is?” Then I thought, “Could this be set in the canon universe? How would that potentially just twist around or change what we’ve seen?” And everything spiralled out from there. I didn’t really outline initially, I started writing it, just to see where it was going. Then I ended up having to go through every episode and watch each Harry, Allie, and Hallie scene and write basic outlines of the dialogue and what happened in those scenes so I could start to figure out how to adjust the scenes/story to fit the soulmate AU idea. I’m not very patient about outlines, so I mostly just bullet point brief descriptions of what I need to write and then re-examine the scene as I’m writing. I’ve never written something that relied so heavily on canon before. It’s a lot of work and I’m really impressed by people who do it regularly. So Spine’s pre-writing was basically an idea on a twisted trope (I don’t know if I’m the first person to think of it, but I’ve never read a soulmate au with the basis of Spine before) and then watching/transposing the canon scenes. Winter didn’t really have any since I had Spine as a basis. Stars I started thinking about while taking a shower and I just jumped right into it.

What drew you to Hallie?

I love ships that I see potential for, but aren’t all neatly worked out immediately in canon. And I love ships that I feel the characters have a lot of potential to grow and change as individuals within the relationship. I was a little unsure about Hallie at first as I was watching the show, because it took me a while to work out how I felt about Harry in general, but I just see so much potential for a great story between them. And, to be quite honest, Kathryn and Alex just have loads and loads of on screen chemistry, they just light up with each other in scenes. Sometimes actors just have that with each other and it’s almost hard to look away.

Hopes for season 2

Growth and help for Harry! I’m okay with having to wait for romantic Hallie (presuming we get more seasons) as long as keeping them apart feels organic and true to the story (and not done solely for tension & keeping the audience coming back), but I need to see Harry receive help (I get that he can’t get professional help in these circumstances, but he really needs people who are genuinely looking out for him and trying to help him) and to also grow as a person and make better decisions/amends for some of his actions. I want Harry to have friends/people who actually care about him. While I really love Kelly’s character, and appreciate that she’s tried to keep an eye out for him, I think Harry needs people in his life outside of just an ex (and obviously outside of Campbell) and that’s pretty much all he’s had for a while. Harry’s so isolated in season 1, and I don’t see him being able to develop much (in a positive manner) if he continues to be so isolated in season 2.

Favorite line (or lines) that you’ve written for a hallie fic/ a section that you’re really proud of

From Spine, probably my favorite pieces are-

Allie tells him to leave like it matters, like come morning she won't find herself curled in his bed, close enough to feel his body heat. She tells him to go, because she wants to hate him, thinks she deserves to hate him, but she doesn't. And that's even worse.

And then the end, which I wrote long before I actually got to it. Specifically-

“There's probably a world somewhere,” Harry says, and his voice rumbles through his chest, against her skin, “where we never worked any of this out, and you and I are on opposite sides and always will be.”

“Probably.” It wouldn't be hard, she thinks, to have ended up somewhere else, anywhere else. They fought for this, a small sliver of peace in a fucked up world. It might be all they get.

“I'm glad it's not this one.”

“Me too.” Under her cheek, his heartbeat is steady, in sync with hers.

From Winter my absolute favorite section so far is the flashback to Harry when he’s 13 & deals with his familial relationships. I also am pretty happy with-

Allie is simultaneously fragile and hard as steel, one for a moment, the other the next. Harry doesn't understand it, how she can bear to wear her feelings to blatantly on her face, how she survives without a protective shell to keep her safe. He could never do that. She doesn't burrow down inside herself, she burns. He almost can't even watch it. Harry doesn't know what he is, but he knows Allie is something else entirely.

And-

She lets out a little shaky exhale. “I don't know how to hate you.”

Harry wonders how that can be. It's easy, he wants to say, if she doesn't already, all she needs to do is crack open his ribs, see that dark void yawning underneath, that place he falls into. But Allie isn't like him, even her darkest moods and thoughts are full of fire, casting light. Allie burns things down, she doesn't swallow them up.

He tells her the truth, one he's known for a long time. “I do.”

And, finally-

She's not starlight or sunlight or candlelight, she's a forest fire. When she leans into him, skin fever hot and her nails biting into his shoulders, he wonders if her inferno could burn the darkness right out from behind his ribs. Harry thinks he could be reduced to ashes, but he'd still let her try.

From Stars, I’m a little less sure, but I do like this part-

Just outside the doors, she catches a glimpse of Harry, head thrown back, laughing, his friends crowding close to him like moths to a flame, like they can't help it. Harry's always been magnetic. Allie remembers his face in the moonlight, the way she'd felt compelled to lean closer. It wasn't her fault; if you get close enough to Harry, he draws you into his orbit, planets rotating around a sun, basking in his light. Even now, her feet ache to drift in his direction. Those aren't her friends, he's not her friend anymore, but his gravitational pull is strong.

What type of Hallie stories do you like to write/read? (canon divergence, modern au, soulmate au, etc)

I’m an AU girl at heart, which is ironic considering 2 of my 3 Hallie fics are canon divergent. But really, I’m a big fan of AUs, almost any of them, I love them so much. I think I get more and more attracted to them the further I get into a show (the more seasons) because canon gets more confining as you have more of it. I think the kind of AU I like the most depends on the ship. I like soulmate AUs (obviously, I wrote one, lol) for Hallie because they have a history of not being super fond of each other & it’s a great way to force them to interact.

Favorite Hallie trope?

I think…. maybe Bed Sharing? You may notice that I write it into like everything I write ever. I just love the intimacy of it and the conversations people can have late at night in the dark or sleepy in the early morning. I dunno. It’s a thing for me, I guess.

Favorite Hallie headcanon?

I haven’t written it into anything (yet), but I have this mental picture of Modern AU Hallie getting really competitive about playing boardgames with each other. That has a soft spot in my heart.

How long have you been writing for?

Pretty much as long as I can remember. The first thing I can remember writing (like thinking I was seriously writing something people would want to read) was this ridiculous story about unicorn royalty when I was about seven years old. I never finished it, but I think I actually did write like at least a couple thousand words before I quit. I have hundreds of beginnings of original works, literally several hundred, but most of them are only a few hundred words. My parents always encouraged me to write, so it was just something I did pretty much ever since I physically could.

How has your writing style evolved over time?

Oh, I’m not even sure where to begin with this. Because I’ve been writing since I was really young, it’s definitely evolved a lot, some of it just through age and getting a better grasp of language, and some of it deliberately. I think when I was younger, I tried really hard to mimic the styles of writers I liked, and I’ve definitely moved away from that as I’ve gotten older and found my own voice. I’m not trying to sound like anyone in particular now. That’s not to say I don’t find other writers influential, I certainly do, but I’m not actively attempting to write in someone else’s style. I think everyone who writes is always evolving. You can’t help but be influenced by everything you read and absorb.

Do you ever worry about how your stories are received?

All the time. I only have 3 works on the restlessqueen AO3, but I think I’ve posted about 25 fanfictions over various platforms/accounts for various fandoms and ships, and I get nervous about them every time. Whenever I write something, I usually get this glow of like “Oh, I’ve done something and I like it!” and then that sort of slowly wears off and I start to just question everything about it. I don’t know anyone who feels 100% confident about the stuff they post. I think I’m a little less nervous about it than I used to be, because people have been very kind to me for the most part (I have one old fic from around 2012/13 that got a couple of comments that still haunt me a bit, but other than that I’ve had good experiences) and so that’s helped ease some of my fears. I think what makes me the most worried now is when I post something and I just don’t get much feedback or it takes quite a while for responses to roll in, because I’m always thinking like “is it really so bad no one has literally anything to say?? Is it that bad and I didn’t realize it?” Also, I’m a bit insecure about my descriptive writing, I feel like I don’t do a very good job of describing location/setting, and it’s something I’m working on. I’m always a little scared someone will say they basically just didn’t get any sort of mental picture from what I write.

What’s the hardest part of writing for you?

Focus. I have so many ideas always bouncing around my head, but I get distracted super easily. I can’t ever seem to only do one thing at a time. If I’m writing, I’m definitely either listening to music or sometimes even playing a podcast in the background because it’s like if there’s any free space at all in my brain, I just completely lose my ability to do anything. It’s a big struggle for me. I actually write with the most focus when I’m supposed to be doing something else. I wrote 150k worth of an original piece by writing when I was supposed to be taking notes in history class in high school. In fact, a lot of my fanfiction has been written during lectures, because somehow if I’m supposed to be focusing on something else, I’m almost always the most productive version of my writing self. I wish I were different, though.

Do you get writer’s block and if so how do you deal with it?

Ugh. Unfortunately. I’m not great at handling writer’s block, tbh. Sometimes I just don’t write for a long time. I think reading can sometimes oust me from it, but not always. The worst is that occasionally I have to just push through it and write my way out of it (which basically means just writing really uninspired crap until I manage to find some inspiration again). I do think that talking to someone about what I’m working on is a big help, though it’s not always an available option. I’m part of a writing group, and I usually feel really inspired after we’ve had a writing discussion.

Biggest risk you’ve ever taken as a writer?

Wow, this is actually a really hard question. I feel like I’m not a big risk taker, and this is making me wonder if maybe I should try to take more writing risks. I guess most recently it could be creating the restlessqueen AO3. I made it because I have written quite a few fics for a pretty large fandom and I had gotten comfortable within that space and I thought it would be good for me to step outside of that world for a bit. I think it really has been, too.

again, the biggest of thanks to @restlessqueenx for doing this with me! to anyone who hasn’t read any of these fics, please do so immediately. each of them are amazing and i will never step recommending them!

#the society #hallie #hallie:fic #fic rec #author spotlight #i will forver recommend spine to anyone who asks for a soulmate au #restlessqueenx