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#its gotten to the point im making a playlist for the place he works at
eric-the-bmo · 1 year
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Alexa, play Lobotomy by Kyle Stibbs, i found out about a CtD npc and i’m so obsessed with him!! Have fanart of the guy!!!
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charliesinfern0 · 7 months
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PLEASE PLEASE DO AN ANALYSIS OF UR MUSIC CHOICES IM VERY CURIOUS!!!!!!!! i like the juxtaposition of stuff like toms diner with more poppy utaite work i think theres a definite through line w tone that conveys the overall intended consistent ship feel but its still very neatly diverse ^^ INTERESTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY
HI OMG IM SO HAPPY YOURE INTERESTED!!!!! :D hehehe ok um im super excited to do this, im sorry if it takes a while to answer i just have a LOT of thoughts about Aichi ^^
ok lets get into it (under the cut bc its long :3)
So Drop Pop Candy is THE quintessential Aichi song, like she's represented by the girl singing, and she's optimistic about moving forward and spending the days with Ichi, while Ichi is represented by the guy singing (and also the cat), where he's nervous about the future, but Ai encourages him to move forward with her. Also the translation im using mentions the moon and stars, and how the girl wants to reach them, and i think that fits really well with Ai and her connection to the moon! i could just copy paste the entire song here and be like "just read this its literally Aichi" lololol (also i really want to draw Ai in the outfit that the girl in the music video wears >u<)
When We First Met also just fits so well with the idea that i had that Ichimatsu loves Ai's hair, and how when Ai was younger/in highschool her hair was short, but now its really long.
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I think that Ichimatsu is very perceptive of the changes in people that he's close to, so it also represents how he sees that Ai has changed since he last saw her, and his love for her has grown since then (also! in the art i made of high school Ai she has a little bunny hair clip, and Ichi is the one that gave it to her :) he won it from a crane game and immediately thought "i have to give this to Ai, she would love it." and she did ^^)
Always Like This and Who Said Anything (About Falling In Love) are low points for Ichimatsu before the start of their relationship. He is so scared of his feelings for her, because he doesnt want to mess up their friendship, he doesnt want to push it and risk it. He also feels like he's holding her back from experiencing life and following her passions, since she told him that she moved back to Akatsuka from college because she missed him and all of her friends there. He thinks that she would be better off if she moved back to her college, and that its selfish that deep down he really wants her to stay with him. BUT AI CAME BACK BECAUSE SHE REALLY DID MISS HIM AND ALL HER FRIENDS AND SHE FELT AWFUL FOR LEAVING AND SHE REALLY DOES CARE ABOUT HIM!!!! T_T
Sunburn is such a cute song that i think represents the sort of beginning of their relationship, and like Ai loves the beach so they would definitely go there for a date.
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Its like the giddiness and nervousness Ichi feels, and just how intensely he loves Ai.
Love At First Sight makes me think of before their relationship, but a good amount of time has passed since Ai moved back, and theyve gotten back to being close friends again.
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Theres a scenario in my head where Ichi is out at night bc he just needed to get out of his house for a while, and he ends up at Ai's place and they hang out and she's like "if you want to spend the night you can, i cant imagine living with five other people like your brothers haha" and while she's talking hes zoning out and in his brain hes screaming but then hes just like "ok. that, sounds good. thank you" and then hard cut to him laying on her couch wide awake thinking 'im in love with her im in love with her oh my god im in love with her. i need to kill somebody' lololol ^^ the song just really reminds me of him, especially these lyrics:
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Beings is on the playlist mainly because of the nostalgia it gives me of when i first got into Osomatsu-san because thats when i first heard it ^^
Mermaid mainly represents how Ai feels when she realizes her feelings for Ichimatsu. There's a lyric that says "This tiny world, when you totter with the screw, it will begin to loosen up!", and it reminds me a lot of Ai in the fact that shes a robot and has screws, but also that her world is held together by screws, and they get rusty and weak when theyre in the water. She feels like her world changes when her feelings for Ichimatsu flood her heart ("The tiny world is flying out, as her heart floats on cloud nine. The boy must be aiming at the sea. Unable to shake off this wobbly feeling, she already knows, it is nothing but fascination!") The lyric "Her real face is shown" makes me think of how Ai sometimes thinks that she is nothing but a machine, her "true face" only being the screws and wires that she is made up of. Then, the lyrics "Knowing that nothing else will happen, he goes on chasing something as if motivated for some reason. It is nothing but fascination!" are more from Ichimatsu's point of view, about how he wants to understand Ai and her feelings when he sees a shift in how she acts (because of her feelings for him), but he knows that nothing will really happen because hes scared of finding out how she truly feels about him, because he doesnt want her to hate him, but hes also scared at the fact that she likes him.
Sweet Little Kiss is a bit of a pick-me-up from the previous song, just a sweet little love song that makes me think of a cute date where Ai and Ichi walk in the winter snow, feeling warm from the sweets they eat and their love for each other, and they share a sweet kiss in the snow :)
ツキ (Tsuki) is the namesake of the playlist! :D Tsuki means moon, which ties into how Ai is connected to the moon.
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Its sung from Ichimatsu's perspective, about how he doesn't really think he's the right person for Ai, but as long as she's here with him, he'll do his best to comfort her.
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These lyrics are just so him ;_;
Hibikase is leaning a bit into AU territory, mainly it makes me think about the merch line where the brothers are hackers. Like Ai is a vocaloid/robotic idol in their world and they fall in love despite her being a computer. it just fits to me, also its just one of my fave songs ever ^^
6つ子の魂ナユタまで (Mutsuko no Tamashi Nayuta Made) is the op that i connect to Ai and Ichimatsu the most (though it can also extend to the other brothers considering what the song is about).
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Ai sees the many different sides of Ichimatsu, and even though she knows how shitty he and his brothers can be, she cant help her feelings.
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Its a more lighthearted version of Ai figuring out her feelings for Ichi, but she still does feel like it would be too good to be true if Ichi did like her back.
Love At First Sight (2011 Fancy Studio Version) ITS THE REPRISE!!!! Its a contrast to the much quieter original version, where Ichi was trying to push his feelings down and not let them take over, but in this version its a lot more upbeat and theres more going on, showing that Ichi is fully realizing his feelings and they blow up inside him, filling his heart with love for Ai.
Tom's Diner is specifically for the Phantom Thief AU, taking place in this pretty city that Ai lives in. She's at a coffee shop during a rainy day, with a bunch of small things around her that remind her of Ichi (a black cat walking by outside, cat paintings inside the shop), because she had previously encountered him during one of his heists since her father Dekapan is the owner of the biggest museum in their city. All that he left behind was a purple handkerchief with a black cat paw on it, which she kept and is now studying as she sips her coffee. She feels someone is looking at her, but when she turns, there's nobody except a cute black cat meowing at her from outside.
Celeste makes me think of the Denki Mystery AU, and its from the perspective of Hajime (Ichi).
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Instead of new years, Hajime reminisces on the summer festival he, Akimi (Ai) and his brothers went to when they all first came to the village, and he remembers how she looked in her yukata covered in red flowers.
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Hajime feels as though he's seen Akimi before, and he wants to find out the secret she seems to be wrapped up in. He's not sure what his feelings are for her, he always feels like hes chasing after her, trying to understand her. But, he also feels like he shouldnt be getting so close to her, despite his beating heart signaling otherwise.
サリシノハラ (Sarishinohara) and Sexy Sunshine being right next to each other is a bit of whiplash considering the tones of each song, but i put them together because theyre songs that i connect to the Fujio Rock AU. Sarishinohara i think is a song that Ai would sing during the festival, since in the AU she's an underground idol who is also a fan girl of the Matsuno brothers' band. She catches the eye of the brothers, and after that she becomes a regular feature for their songs and when they perform live (in actuality they all knew each other when they were younger, and dont recognize each other now, but when Ichi saw her first perform on stage, he thought her voice sounded familiar). Sexy Sunshine reminds me of the Feat. Matsuzou set from the AU, since it takes place at a music festival on the beach, and i think its a song that Ai and Ichi would perform together with the rest of the band.
and yeah! aichi is very real to me ^^
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mono-dot-jpeg · 3 years
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antarctic idiots [pt.4] - c!technoblade
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summary; in which two anarchist piglins adopt an ender boy.
genre; child! ranboo, piglin hybrid! reader, slight canon divergence from dream smp, fluff, found family au is my shit, reader is now ranboo’s parent i don’t make the rules, techno is a grumpy father but it’s okay you love him, realistic minecraft? (idk how to describe it-), uh angst (if you squint)
pairing; c! technoblade x reader, platonic! ranboo x reader
word count; 1.2k
spotify playlist | main masterlist
< previous - next >
a/n; i forgot what my draft a/n said bc i accidentally deleted the og part 4 of this. but it's not like i wrote much for this part yet, so not much will change.
i think i did mention that i meant to make reader around techno's canon height so i think i've might've gotten it wrong in the last part but tbh idc too much abt it, i wanted reader to just be as tall as techno bc they're both piglins and yah know, big build go brrr
anyways with a whopping 195 votes for yes, reader will be fighting in the battle of the lake, although i won't write much abt it bc im bad at fight scenes
ALSO IF YOU GUYS WANT ME TO EXPLAIN WHY I PICKED CERTAIN SONGS FOR MY PLAYLIST SEND AN ASK SKDJKSJ I WILL GLADLY EXPLAIN-
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"it's not like i have a choice, do i?" you moved to stand by techno and tommy, unsheathing your sword. you hear the sound of teleporting and within seconds, dream is right in the middle of the battlefield. you hid your surprise in seeing the male suddenly.
now i wasn't informed that tommy planned on working with dream for this... you thought, looking at the masked male.
"well, ain't this just fun." you said, catching dream's attention. both of you share a look (though you can't really see under his mask), a dead stare towards him as he nods at you in acknowledgement. you would have to talk to him later. "let's get this done quickly, shall we?"
"but who are you exactly?" sapnap had asked you.
"does it really matter when i'm about to kill you?"
"harsh." techno commented.
"says the one with the title of blood god." you shot back.
"this isn't the point! the point is..." you had long stopped listening to tommy's declarations and rants, patiently waiting for the battle to actually start. and start it did.
every move you made didn't even feel like you were doing anything. your muscle memory just guiding you through your fight. it didn't feel like you. your brain was on auto pilot. everything felt like a blur. quickly and almost underwhelmingly, the battle had ended with pogtopia winning.
you sheath your sword back to its normal place, right by your hip. your eyes half lidded and bored as you stared at tommy relish in the rewards of battle. "all of that for a fish?"
"not just any fish!" tommy huffed. you look at techno who has the same unimpressed look as you do.
"i'm going for a walk. i'll be back by night." you don't waste any time leaving, heading out to a much more secluded area of the smp. your thoughts mindlessly floating around as you take your time, walking.
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"y/n."
you turn around, looking at the masked man, "dream."
"what are you doing here?"
"none of your business." a dead silence hangs for a moment. "i'm here for a favor."
"oh? is that so?"
"a favor that doesn't involve you. you don't need to know anything about it."
"well, if it involves you, it must be important. come on. we're friends, aren't we?"
"not on my own will. and not by yours. you and i both know we are not friends." your voice is low as you glare at dream. "we both have our benefits if we work with each other. that is why our deal exists. i would never want to work for you willingly."
"but i mean in a way, you're still working for me."
"that's what you think."
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"i thought you said you fight for what you believe in." wilbur said.
"are you mocking me, mr. soot?" you raised an eyebrow at him. "i fought because it's not like i had much of a choice. tommy would've been on my ass about it if we lost."
"but you still fought. even if you didn't want to. you didn't even know who you were fighting for."
"i still do not know what i'm fighting for, even though you brought me here." you look at your hands, both of them shaking as you open and close your hands. "i was not myself during that battle."
"what do you mean?"
"i wasn't controlling myself. everything was a blur." you move your hands into your pockets in an attempt to stop the shaking. "i was not thinking, everything was like instinct." you explained it the best you could.
"is that the other reason you left l'manburg?"
"no. would you stop trying to figure that out?" your words held no sternness but wilbur knew better than to not push you further. you were never really one to try and hold your anger against someone.
"sorry. maybe you should just stick with techno for while? get some rest after that? i'm sure tommy won't go through much conflicts with others while you rest. i won't let him." wilbur put his hand on your shoulder. you sighed.
" 's fine. i'll be with techno then. i expect to have no communications alerts from tommy about fighting." you went to find techno in the ever so wonderful pogtopia ravine. wilbur watched as you left his view to find his twin.
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"hello again tough guy." you entered the room, seeing techno turn his head to look at you before continuing to farm potatoes. "even after a battle, you're still working."
"revolution waits for no man."
"that is true." you sit next to a large chest filled to the brim with potatoes. "how are you after that battle?"
" 'm fine. it wasn't so bad." a beat of silence fills the room before techno speaks again, "are you okay?"
the question confused you, "what do you mean?"
"i saw you fighting in that battle. i knew that look in your eyes." you faintly think back to the fight, remembering how you didn't quite feel like yourself.
"was it that obvious?"
"maybe to me, i'm not sure about the others though. you didn't seem like yourself." he mindlessly harvests more potatoes as you rest your head against the stone walls.
you bit your lip, hesitant to tell him that he was right. were you even ready to fully trust techno with something like this? this may just be more important than i realize… you thought. “what did you see in my eyes at the time?” you asked, moving the subject just a little bit to move away from the main topic.
“... unrestraint. while your fighting was not very unrestrained, your eyes… they look hazed. i wouldn’t really say it was unrestrained but you seemed very spaced out and yet you still managed to fight like it was nothing.”
“i don’t really wanna talk about it, i still don’t know if i could trust you yet, mr. blade.” you joked, attempting to move the conversation forward to a different topic. “how long have you been planting these potatoes?”
“since i joined.”
“and when was that?”
“probably a week before i met you?” he guessed.
“that’s pretty impressive. you seem really focused on everything that you do.” you commented.
“it’s sort of my thing.” techno shrugged. “i had a 9 month war about potatoes.”
“holy shit. and you won?”
“of course i won.” he started to ramble about the potato war, while you listened to him in full interest. despite how ridiculous the whole war sounded, you had to admit it was pretty amazing.
“who knew the blood god would be so intent on beating a kid to win a war about potatoes.” you joked. “i never would’ve guessed that you would be so passionate about potatoes.”
“well, never judge a book by its cover.” techno hummed, wiping the leftover dirt on his hands as he finished farming. “you got any stories of your own to share?”
“i have a few. they’re not very interesting though. they were all stories from my times in l’manburg.”
“you lived in l’manburg?”
“i was the general of the army.”
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taglist; @justahostaccount, @olyink​, @aikochan4859​, @classycookiebailiffstudent​​, @stickk-bugg, @goldensunshineshit​, @sadlyitsme-boohoo​, @jace-the-ace12​, @2cuteforyourlies​, @lvlyjuro​, @kiinokochii​, @anxiousnarwhale​, @jaciahbabes​
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jjmaybanksbaby · 4 years
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she used to love rafe | rafe x reader
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it’s always paradise until it isn’t anymore
a/n: apparently im in the mood to write some rafe angst so put on your best sad music playlist and watch our pretty boy get his heart broken it’s therapeutic i promise
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Rafe Cameron and [y/n] had been subtly fighting about midsummers for the past week. Rafe had skipped the last one of their weekly thursday night dinners because of a suit fitting. Sure, it was just one night but [y/n] couldn’t get past the fact that he could have literally scheduled it for any other time on any other day of the week.
With Rafe Cameron, she was either ready to have fifty of his babies or be the reason he was six feet under. There really was no in between - at all.
The night they had gotten together for the first time had been nothing shy of passionate. It was Halloween and the tension between them had been building since [y/n] called Rafe out for being an ass in front of their entire ap chemistry class.
One of the dudes from Rafe’s lacrosse team was throwing his annual Halloween party. Pretty much everyone from the Kook Academy spent their 31st there.
[Y/n] had somehow let her best friends talk her into going as the sluttiest version of the Disney princess. And since it was senior year, they were going all out. [Y/n]’s costume considered only of a light blue bra and a tiny light blue tutu to go with it. And of course, a crown perched on top of her gorgeous blonde hair.
She looked kickass and turned plenty of heads at the party. When Rafe laid eyes on her, he couldn’t keep the look at amusement off his face. When their eyes locked, both of them refused to look away. That was the moment they both realized that the playful flirting was gonna turn into something more.
Presently, it was Saturday, one week before Midsummers. [y/n] had been reading through the Georgetown University orientation packet, where she was headed that fall, when Rafe walked into her room. She glanced up at him and then back down without a word. A mild dose of the silent treatment was what she did when she was pissed off but not going to say it; Rafe was quite familiar with it.
Rafe flopped onto [y/n]’s bed right on top of the things she had been reading.
“So you aren’t gonna fucking talk to me?” He asked, already knowing the answer to his own question. Rafe hated when she did this to him. It wasn’t the lack of attention that bothered him. No, he really couldn’t pinpoint why he couldn’t stand it, he just couldn’t.
“I’m not not talking to you Rafe.” [y/n] replied, trying to wedge the packet out from under him.
“Pick another day to throw a tantrum cause we need to talk about Midsummers.” Rafe said, not caring to keep the anger out of his tone.
[Y/n] look down at him, eyebrows raised to her forehead. “Do you wanna try that again?”
Rafe said up, “I said ‘We have to talk about Midsummer.’ What is your problem with that?”
“If you came over here to fight with me, go home Rafe. I have things to do. I don’t need your shit today.”
“Fuck, are you like on your period today baby? Rose just wanted me to tell you that the girls are wearing pastels this year and since you’re walking in with my family-”
“No,” [y/n] said, cutting Rafe off.
“What?”
“I’m not walking in with your family Rafe.”
“Yes, you are. What are you talking about? Of course you. You’re my girlfriend.”
“And you’re my boyfriend. Why don’t you walk in with my family?”
“Cause that’s not how it work, you know that.”
“That’s sexist as fuck. I’m not doing it.”
“You know Rose is going to be pissed at me now.”
“Okay and that’s not my problem Rafe.”
“What is going on with you today [y/n]? If this about missing Thursday, I already told you Ward made the appointment. I couldn’t change it. What do you want from me?”
“Nothing. Oh my god. And no, its not. Fuck Cameron.”
“So why are you being pissing?” Rafe asked, his voice getting louder with annoyance.
“Literally nothing. I’m good.” [y/n] wasn’t sure she could even put into words what was making her upset at that point. Deep down, she knew she needed to dump Rafe. This back and forth and slight toxicity had started to lose it’s appeal.
Mostly he’s been good to her. [Y/n] really didn’t want thing with him to be over but they were outgrowing each other. Plus they were headed to two different sides of the country in August; doing long-distance for an already doomed relationship would be silly.
[Y/n] pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. Rafe was still talking but she’s tuned him out to be alone with her thoughts. She knew she couldn’t go to Midsummers with him. Things ended here, tonight.
“Right baby?” Rafe asked, breaking her trance.
“I can’t do this anymore,” [y/n] said, the words she’d been terrified to say finally tumbling out of her mouth. Rafe’s whole face sank; that was her answer. He’d been feeling the exact same way.
Rafe reached out and placed his hand on [y/n] arm. He ran his thumb over her skin, sending shivers up her spine.
“I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.” She admitted outloud for the first time. “I’m sorry Rafe.”
Rafe looked up at her. “Yeah, me too [y/n].”
She felt the prick of tears behind her eyes but she really didn’t want to cry in front of him. Neither of them could seem to find the right words so silence hung between them. It was heavy in a way that it had never been before. Neither of them dared to move or spread first because when they did it made the moment real. It meant it was really over.
[Y/n] lifted her eyes and they instantly locked with Rafe’s. She didn’t even think about it as she climbed into his lap and wrapped her arms around him. He pulled her closer into her chest and gently rested his chin on the top of her head. [Y/n] let the tears start to stream down her face.
The same boy that was breaking her heart was the only person she wanted to be comforted by.
“I’m gonna go,” Rafe said and [y/n] knew that was the end. She slide away from Rafe and studied his face one more time. He looked down into her eyes and closed the distance between their lips. [Y/n] closed her eyes tight as he kissed her goodbye but his lips were gone from her’s too soon.
Rafe left the room without another word and [y/n] felt a knot form deep in her stomach as he walked away from her. It hurt so badly, worse than she had expected. Rafe Cameron was the first boy she had loved. And now he was her first heartbreak too.
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amphii-writes · 3 years
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Random Haikyuu Head Canons I Have
these are all taken from my discord server cause i remember to write them there, if you want to request fanfics, my requests are W I D E open! there is also nO order! these are just all the headcanons i could find tbh
warnings: mentions of blood, and just overall wild times, swearing
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Asahi loves knitting sweaters because his shoulders are broad and he also loves seeing the reactions from his teammates when they get a sweater from him! He says he buys them but he doesn’t
Aone likes knitting socks because he has big feet and he loves fluffy knee high socks but his team will never know
Asahi and Aone regularly hang out and knit together! (after asahi wasnt scared of him anyways)
Nishinoya gives you shiny rocks he finds because “your eyes shine like them!”
Yamaguchi likes to have your head rest on his chest while cuddling!
Aone likes to bake
Aone dressed like a polar bear because koganegawa told him to- halloween was amazing
daICHI HAS A KISS THE COOK APRON
Daichi secretly can make some kick ass steak and is amazing at grilling sorry
Okay but real talk, Kenma and Yaku swear like sailors and it scares everyone because they always whisper the most foul, insulting things under their breath. Hearing it is like seeing a cryptid
Speaking of cryptids, Fukunaga and Shibayama are THE most true crime, mythology, and mystery obsessed fanatics on the team and often fanboy about it together 
Fukunaga’s obsession with moth man has gotten to an unhealthy stage
Kenma absolutely had a vampire phase and has read twilight. Only Kuroo knows and has sworn to secrecy via blood pact
Kuroo’s a musical nerd. Knows all of the lyrics to Hamilton, BMC, DEH, Heathers, Rent, Beetlejuice, Etc. Kenma considered dropping him because of it
Iwaizumi tells the worst dad jokes and Kyotani, wanting to beat him, started doing it too and it drives everyone insane
Yahaba and Matsukawa get along surprisingly well. Both are true crime freaks and bond over their forensic files obsessions
Matsukawa didn’t really like his thick eyebrows so he got one of his female friends to pluck it for him, but almost cried and gave up after the first hair. Oikawa called him a pussy for the next year
Hanamaki jokingly flirts with everyone on the team so most of them just got used to it, but it still confuses Kindaichi to the point of mental breakdown
Makki called Kyotani ‘puppy’ as a joke once and now mad dog is truly terrified of him
Kyotani’s dog absolutely ADORES Oikawa and it’s the funniest shit to the rest of the team
Mattsun and Makki play DnD and once convinced Yahaba and Kyotani to join. Kyotani kept rolling to fight everyone and Yahaba was a bard that kept rolling to seduce everyone. They kept yelling across the board so they had to kick them out
Outside of his school uniform, Goshiki specifically wears only plaid
Tendou makes little chocolates for the whole team every once in a while so they don’t think he’s scary
Semi and Shirabu once had a fistfight in an abandoned McDonald’s parking lot while Tendou filmed and Goshiki cheered them on
Everybody makes fun of Shirabu’s haircut but nobody dares to say it to his face. its gotten to the point where they say he got it done by a blind old lady
There’s a running joke about Shirabu also getting his haircut from prison but Goshiki is starting to suspect that it may not be a joke
Yamagata and Tendou are good friends with the mutual goal of collecting as much blackmail on their team as possible
Tendou loves animals generally considered to be ‘ugly’ like rats, crows, reptiles, etc.
80% of Goshiki’s playlist is shit overplayed on the radio. Him, Shirabu, Tendou, Kawanishi and Ushijima have a permanent ban from the aux cord
Nobody watches YouTube with Ushijima because he never skips the damn ads (other than tendou)
Suna once said y’all’dn’t’ve unironically and made a first year cry
Akagi once said UwU unironically and had an identity crisis.
Osamu has one of those rainbow gaming keyboards and is constantly on a discord call. Atsumu always yells weird shit in the background to embarrass him and once pretended to be him
During Seijoh group chat arguments. Hanamaki and Mattsukawa like to drop facebook minion memes in just to piss everyone off even more
mattsun and maki both have separate photo albums in their phones labelled ‘minion memes to piss everyone off’
Hinata carries a pocket knife and no one has no fucking idea why
mattsun and maki both have matching rat fursuits that look like they actually where in a sewer- they chased oikawa around
For all his talk of plant analogies and metaphors, Ushijima cant grow shit
Goshiki’s Bangs are the way they are because his favorite character was Rock Lee from Naruto
Oikawa has watched Ouran High School Host Club front to back so many times and he can quote all of Tamaki’s lines by heart -He keeps bothering Iwaizumi to “be his Haruhi, since you’re shorter than me”
Koganegawa has definitely gone as an Angry Bird for Halloween
Fukunaga has those reflective cat eyes, and he has terrified Yamamoto on several occasion
Hanamaki and Matsukawa have a teddy bear that they pretend is their child and they share custody
Suga always sprays whipped cream straight into his mouth whenever he sees a can
Nishinoya definitely bit people as a kid
Nishinoya would be the guy to wear shorts all year round and even if it's snowing, he'll insist he's not cold
Tendou is still stuck in his emo phase and would fangirl over Creepypasta with me and I appreciate that (me too buddy, me fuckin too)
Kyoutani LOOKS like he’d listen to viking death metal, but in reality he listens to Mother Mother and knows all the words to Ghosting
Sugawara would definitely encourage me to dumb shit and not stop me, and you’re all dumb for thinking he wouldn’t 
KENMA IS NOT ‘uwu owo’ SHY, HE IS ‘your fucking gross’ SHY SO LITERALLY STFU
Bokuto listens to Nicki Manaj. And knows all the words. To every. Single. Song.
Ushijima for some reason knows an odd amount of 90′s-2000′s R&B and he will hum along to the songs if they come on the radio (he also loves Dolly Parton) ((he says he relates to her music))
Bokuto once ate instant ramen for an entire month
TERUSHIMA DID TRY TO FUCK A PLANT WHILE SHITFACED AND GOD I STAND BY WHAT I SAID
atsumu let’s you put makeup on him and pretends to eat the brushes (do yk what im talking about- like n o m)
tendou ran for school president as a joke but actually won
i 100% believe that all of karasuno’s third years apologize when they bump into inanimate objects, but when suga is really tired or stressed out, he’ll yell at them instead.
Tanaka, Nishinoya, and Taketora have a group chat called "Bros who want sum hoes" and they send each other hypebeast memes and shit
Sugawara knows how to do a bunch of flexible shit because he sometimes goes to yoga with daichi and asahi's moms, its fucking hilarious
tanaka and noya both breakdance- they work as a team and sometimes go to tokyo for underground competitions- saeko drives them
Daichi knows a little ballet- nobody other than Kiyoko knows because they saw each other at the ballet class and had to work together- dont tell tanaka and noya that he lifted her though
Osamu once put glitter on Atsumu's pillow- he still finds hot pink glitter on shit
kita knits and crochets with his grandma
Kita's grandma knows everyone's names because kita talks shit bout them, her favorite is Aran
Kuroo has burnt his eyebrows off doing an experiment. His goggles didn't cover all his brows,,, so he just showed up to practice like that. No eyebrows and a chemical burn
kenma has played all kinds of games, but he was dared to play corpse party by kuroo. He wasn't scared because of the gore, he was thinking about the trauma the characters went through. Punched kuroo the next day because that game was fucked up
Lev isn't a strong swimmer, so he often grabs people by the head to keep himself up. happened with kenma and lev couldn't walk due to the force of kenmas suprised water kicks
akaashi has those fancy pens that you have to dip in ink and they're so nice
Bokuto has and will eat pencil erasers again
Daichi once almost lost his shit at his team but instead he lost his shit at the door that decided to stub his toe on the way out of the gym. not the best thing to be found yelling to.
Yamaguchi for sure has been dragged to one of terushimas parties because he didnt wanna say no. oh and terushima has like frat boy level parties too. Yams has for sure had some wild nights and doubts anyone other than Tsukishima and the party-goers will ever know
Akaashi can actually flirt very well! He reads romance novels sometimes and has analyzed any and every book in his possession! so he's actually quite charming
Daihsou unironically posted on twitter after mika broke up with him "I still see her shadows in my room"
Mattsun and Maki run a fake oikawa account; its been going ever since twitter even started getting popular and they even started sending messages in spanish. The posts would range from "I love all my fans!" to flirting with them :) Oikawa is pissed cause the account got verified before he did and most of his fans also follow the fake oikawa. Tooru has no idea who runs it JUST IMAGINE OIKAWA JUST LIKE RANTING TO THE SEIJOH 3RD YEAR ALUMNI AND JUST "no Iwa-chan, you dont understand! they run a fake account and pretend to be me!" while makki and mattsun laugh their asses off
Oh, kenma for sure has pretended to be a girl on discord and has gotten someone to buy him stuff. after they do he says in his normal voice "fucking simp" and then hangs up and blocks the other persons discord
Yamamoto, despite his rough appearance, loves kids and has and will be a human jungle gym
suna in middle school had a game with his friends about who could make kids cry the fastest
The twins switched places back in middle school and nobody could tell because of how great they are at acting like eachother
Daichi once arrested coach ukai for public intoxication after a game :|
Daichi has arrested many people from his old volleyball team but the most memorable case was when he arrested tanaka and noya for reckless driving. poor idiots got so scared when they saw their old captains face in their mirror and started to pray
tanaka, while trying to intimidate someone, once said "You dont gotta tell me twice, i may be straight but these hands are bisexual" and he often cringes at night thinking about it
Kageyama, as a comeback to Tsukishima, said "one thing about us royalty is that we love to feast" and he also fuckin hates what he said
the third years made a cult for Kiyoko. they chant every wednesday "i'll do anything for kiyoko, she makes me go loco"
oikawas fangirls are known to be fucking rabid
yAMAMOTO AND KENMA AFTER THEIR FIGHT WERE FORCED BY KUROO TO MAKE IT UP: so they dyed their hair together
Makki and mattsun sang two trucks in front of the entire team. everyone was so confused. Makki: "twO TRUCKS HAVIN SEX!!" Mattsun: "oH yEs!"THEY'D SWITCH OFF AND HAVE LIKE CHOREOGRAPHY TOO LIKE THEY'D DO A TANGO WHILE THE SONG IS LIKE "two beer trucks, making love"
tendou once called Oikawa "mr. no-nationals" and got kicked in the shins before iwaizumi could save him
Tsukishima had a my little pony phase
you work with matsukawa at a morgue and he makes dead people jokes while you fix some dead guys face with wax and makeup he'd be like "so didnt he like,,, stick his head out of the sunroof of a moving fuckin car??" he'd be singing dumb ways to die the entire day
i feel like Kuroo has one crazy accident a year. like it might not be deadly but its fucking crazy like for example: Kuroo for sure has ridden in a shopping cart at past midnight with kenma (who pushed him down a hill) causing Kuroo to get scratched up hella well. he lied and said he spent the night with a girl and kenma fucking hated himself cause he would be the girl if that was true
Mattsun has flirted with the 4th years moms before (AS A JOKE), and because of this: he is known as “fuckin milf hunter” sometimes by the team
Warning, this next headcanon is talking about cannabis, weed, mary jane, the zoink root. so if your uncomfortable, please dont read below :)
dude i wanna get high as SHIT with Asahi 
i think Asahi would be one of those mfkers who takes one hit and is gone 
ASAHI ACCIDENTALLY GOING TO PRACTICE ZOINKED 
IMAGINE HIM SEEING TSUKISHIMA AND JUST "he looks so judgemental,,, im scared" 
OR LIKE A MAD DAICHI AND JUST "i'm gonna,,, im gonna go jump out the window now" 
Noya and Tanaka would know tho, i feel like they'd have a 6th sense when it comes to weed. they probably get some from Saeko cause she'd rather they do it in the house. they'd smell asahi like fucking dogs and just so,,, big guy had fun without us huh? 
DAICHI WOULD KNOW ABOUT ASAHI BEING ZOINKED, SMASH HIS FACE INTO THE WALL, TURN AROUND WITH A RED MARK ON HIS FOREHEAD AND WITH A BEAMING SMILE AND FEUX ENTHUSIASM SAY: "YOSH, LETS WARM UP!"
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To the Rhythm of the Ocean
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Pairing: Jake Kiszka/reader
word count: 2,226
warnings: first person POV, the reader is mentioned to be an artist and bisexual but it is not important to the plot. Other than that its just a fluffy day at the beach. 😊
A/n: at last, I finally wrote a fic. It is extremely self-indulgent and was inspired by some anons that @safari-karrot got that I definitely did NOT send ;). I also want to thank Kate for being my beta! I worked pretty hard on it and im proud of it. Hope you enjoy!
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Walking into the elevator of my apartment complex, I was able to let my shoulders relax and my guard down for the first time all day. The day at the studio was intense today, and for all the wrong reasons. No matter how much I tried, I wasn’t able to create anything, as if all of the motivation and drive to do my work had burned out. I was burnt out. I was lucky enough to score an apartment next door to a pair of twins, Jake and Josh, who quickly became good friends. And even more fortunate, they had come back home this week from recording with their band, which meant I could spend my afternoon with them instead of alone in my own apartment. 
I entered my house and set my bags and work down on the dining table. It was impossible to make out where the table was under pile of unfinished sketches and work plans, but that was a tomorrow problem. I put on the kettle to make some tea and shot Jake a text asking if I could come over. 
  Jake... in the last couple of years that i have known the twins, the have become an indispensable part of my life. We take turns cooking for the three of us and hosting movie nights, an even go do laundry together. Having them away for so long felt like a hole had been carved out of my soul, and it also made my harboring crush on Jake ache deeper and deeper. He was unlike anyone I had ever met, we understood each other in a way I never thought I would have with anyone, yet he was still an enigma. He was insanely talented and driven, and he was smart. And kind. And funny. And extremely easy on the eyes. I would never tell him this though, his friendship is all I can get, and I’ll learn to live with that. 
His text came back telling me that his door was open. I finished and drank my tea, washed my face, changed into more comfortable clothes, and made my way next door. 
When I came into the twins’s apartment Jake was sitting on the sofa playing his guitar, a small notebook sat on his lap. At my entrance, he sent a smile my way, but continued playing. 
“Where is Josh?” 
“He’s out filming. Why, did you need him?” 
“No, just wonderin’.” 
“You know, if you just want to hang out with me to try to get into my brother’s pants, you could have just told me. And I want no part of it. Here I was thinking we were best friends.” He teased and wiped fake tears from his eyes, but his smile said that he was just messing. That did not, however, stop my nerves. Best friend.
“I do not want to get into your brother’s pants, Jake. They wouldn’t fit me.” I took of my boots and plopped on the couch next to him. “I’m your best friend?! What about Josh, Danny and Sam?”
“That’s different, they’re my brothers.”
“Hm... I guess you’re a fine friend too, one could even say the best one I’ve had.” Friend. 
“And the best one you’ll ever have.” He set his guitar down to his other side, “how was the studio today? Any new paintings?“ 
I let out an exasperated sigh “I wish. I am incredible burned out, I can barely even pick up a pencil! I have gotten close to nothing done all week and Rachel keeps asking me out, I don’t know what to do anymore.”
“Rachel? What did you say?” If I didn’t know better I would’ve thought I saw pain flash across his face.
“I told her no, but that is besides the point. I’m just so out of it...” 
“You do look like you need some adventure.”
“You could say that” 
“You know what?” He got up from the couch and pulled me to stand with him. “I’ll give it to you. Go get dressed, I’ll get everything ready.” 
  “What? Where are we going?”
“If i tell you it wont be a surprise. Now go to your house and get ready.” 
“Then what do I wear?”
He seemed to think about it for a while, then said “something comfortable, but tropical.” 
“Jake, that tells me absolutely nothing—“
“You’ll figure it out. Now leave, and don’t come back unless you’re on party business.” It was futile to keep going so I just stuck my tongue back at him and walked out of the door and into my apartment. 
I settled on wearing a short blue sundress, boots, and a pair of sunglasses. I walked back into his apartment to find Jake in the shortest shorts i have even seen him wear, an unbuttoned white shirt, and his signature combination of necklaces and a bucket hat. “Are those Sam’s?” 
“No, I own shorts too.” He put down two boxes on the coffee table and looked me over once. “That is exactly what I meant! Now carry this to the car.” He handed me a box full of snacks and drinks and we made our way down to the car. 
I rode shotgun. He still refused to tell where we were headed. No matter how much I pushed and tried to wear him down, he just said to wait and find out. We got busy talking and listening to music and I gave up asking. Instead, I admired the scenery passing around us, and I admired Jake, with the windows down, his hair wild in the wind, and rocking out to our playlist. He had the ability to make me happy by just taking me on a drive. He didn’t even have to try. 
Eventually the buildings turned into trees, and the trees to palm trees, until finally we arrived at a clearing by the ocean. Jake parked the car, “We’re here!”
“You brought me to the beach!” He brought me to the beach! The ocean! The one place I loved most in the world. “I could marry you right now!” I threw my arms around him and jumped out of the car. My boots were off in a second and by the next my feet were already in the water. Jake did the same before joining me at the shore. 
“So, was it a good surprise?” I could hear his smile without even looking at him. And he knew the answer before I even spoke.
“The best! Thank you, Jake. Really.” 
We set on an easy pace through the shore, side by side. Each picking out seashells and skipping rocks on the water. The sun wasn’t unbearable, for it was afternoon. The sky was blue and almost cloudless, the only thing that altered it were the shapes of birds flying overhead. The sand was coarse and stuck to our feet, but it wasn’t burning. The sea... it was an array of the bluest blues one could imagine, all coexisting for our pleasure. Jake was glowing,  and I must have been too, I was incandescently happy. 
Back at the car, I set out our snacks and liquor while Jake put in some music. Halfway through our first meal and first bottle, Jake turned up the radio, and waited for my reaction.
“I love this song!”
“I know you do, thats why I put it.” He took our food and put it away on the roof of the car; and for the second time today, pulled me by the hand to stand. “let’s dance” 
His touch sent electric currents up my back. Best friend. “this song isn’t danceable, Jake!”
“It is if we want it to be.” And he held my hand in his and dragged me towards the clearing. The breeze was calming, the sea was a splendid blue. The waves lapped at the shore, not strong enough to disrupt our song.
Turns out, the song was danceable after all; and so were all the others that came after it. We held each other while we took turns twirling and laughing, belting our lyrics and acting out the drama of the songs. Every lick of his fingers on my skin left a burning sensation, yet I couldn't get enough. If he knew what this was doing to me... If he knew I was drunk on him and falling on every shared glance, every smile, every touch. 
The sun started its descend and our dancing got closer. He held his hands of my waist, my chest pressed against his, my hands on his shoulders as we swayed around our little ballroom of a clearing. My spine tingled, with every inhale, I got drunk in his scent of pine and peppermint.   
We got lost in our dancing, and then he got lost in the horizon. The sky had started to turn all shades of orange and pink, the water glimmered upon our eyes like tiny mirrors. A pelican flew over us and dived into the water in search for dinner. 
We had stopped moving, yet his hands remained placed at the small of my back, he looked at ease. My fingers twirled a strand of his hair, he didn’t mind. 
He looked like he belonged in the landscape, to the oranges and pinks that tinted the sky, he belonged to nature.
And I belonged looking at him, within arms reach yet so unattainable. He would always be a mystery. There was always more to him than met the eye, and even after years of knowing him, I hadn’t deciphered him completely. And I didn’t intend to, he was just like that. And he wasn’t mine to understand like that. 
If all I would get were stolen glances with the setting sun as out witness, I’d take it. Because right here, right now, the sight before me was one to behold. Jakes eyes were transfixed on the horizon, his mouth agape. The sun was finally hiding behind the waves, which mean our day was coming to an end. I tried not to think about it, I wouldn’t let the sun steal the light of this day from me. Ocean breeze ruffled his long hair, and as I saw the last light of day melt into his golden brown eyes, I knew that home wasn’t a place. Home is a person. And he was mine. But he would never know, for I doubted I’d be his. 
I was thrown out of my daydream when he slightly pulled back and chuckled. “ So home is a person, huh?” 
“I— “ I said that out loud. Shit shit shit. I just stared at him like a deer in the headlights. There was no way to dig myself out of this, so I remained silent. Though my hear was beating like a drum and I was certain that he could feel it due to how close he still held on. Best friends don’t say that. 
There was a shit-eating grin on his face, one that said he certainly knew what was going through my head. Instead of taunting me further, he said the words I’d most longed fo hear. 
“Then you are certainly mine” 
Nothing could stop the smile that broke out across both of our faces at that.  “And you mine” 
Before he had time to reply, I grabbed his face and pulled his lips to mine. There was static in the air, his lips were incredibly soft and tasted of coffee and chocolate. His mouth moved with expertise against mine, he held me close. Closer. Closer even still, until there was no space left between us. My heart was pounding, he licked at my bottom lip asking for entrance, which I gave, and deepened the kiss. My hands held on to him tightly, as if he would disappear would I let go. He dipped me slightly and I swore I would fall on the sand if he hadn’t held me. The purple sky could’ve turned bright yellow and I would have paid no attention. 
We pulled apart for air and the sun was completely gone. 
“Jake, I—“
“I know, I feel it too. I have for a while.”
“I was so scared that you wouldn't. Ive felt this way for you for the longest time, I—” 
“But I do!” 
“But you do!”
He pecked my lips and whispered close to my ear “And if you want, we’ll make it official. Right now. You and me, and a million sunsets to come.”
“I’m yours for as long as you want me, Jake.”
“And I’m yours forever, y/n. Even when i’m far away.” 
No words could describe what I felt. It’s as if my blood was replaced by honey and my ribcage contained the moon in all her love and glory.  “I wish I could stay here forever, in this moment. With you, and round the world.”
“Check the trunk.” He smiled too wide and untangled his arms from mine.
I reluctantly let go of him and walked towards the car. He tossed me the keys and I popped the trunk open to see the second box Jake hadn’t let me look into. I opened it and found all sorts of camping gear: One tent, two sleeping bags, toiletries, even pajamas. Jake creeped up behind me and slid his arms around my waist. I turned around with an incredulous grin.
“Is that a tent?!”
“That is a tent, sweetheart.”
The end.
—- A/N: I literally CANNOT write unless its in 1st POV. This is 100% self-indulgent, and I have no idea how to write a kiss. Hope you enjoyed it nonetheless! 
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mydearesthrry · 3 years
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places we won’t walk (chapter one) || peter parker
summary - the doors at midtown seem a little boring, but when you get introduced to someone you seem to remember, what happens when they seem to remember you too?
word count - 2.9k (wow shes gettin better!)
pairings - peter parker x fem!reader
warnings - like mild mention of s*xual assault, angst if you squint really hard, mj being a softy for you, mj being a lowkey bi, peter being stupid as always, y/n calling peter a colonizer.... thats it ok enjoy
a/n: so i know i last updated in october, but as u all saw i have a 25 days of xnas thing going on (PLS I WROTE THE A/N LIKE A MONTH AGO PLUS I FORGOT ABOUT THE XMAS THING DISREGARD) so pwww updates will be slow (as if they werent already omg) but the next chapter will be arriving hopefully, fingers crossed, on xmas eve or xmas! also, are you guys watching the new euphoria episode? also, i’ve stopped using the word ‘stuttering’, as it may be ableist, and i’d never wanna come off as insensitive. anyway lmao, enjoy chapter one, the trials and tribulations of hitting someone in the nuts.
also side note psa: biggest thank you to @blossomparkers for helping me so much w this chapter. i owe it all tooooo u lani yani. thank u for everything !!!!!
series masterlist | regular masterlist | series playlist
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(gif not mine!)
when y/n y/m/n stark was in her early years, she was never aware of the impact her father would and did hold over her life, and in turn, the whole world. for the longest time, you’d always assumed that your father wasn’t real, and everything that had been told to you by malicious family members who were jealous over your father’s “successes” had been lies, and you had it believed yourself. no one would even think that you were tony stark’s daughter until it had been mentioned. tony’s snarky attitude had been a character trait that you’d gotten, and you always took pride in your humor and attitude.
the story of your mother and tony had been messy and all over the place. from a drunken hook-up followed by multiple days of morning sickness, to a surprise pregnancy test, the storyline of your parents had been.. well.. interesting to say the least. you never focused on your family’s history, solely based on the fact that you didn’t have two fucks to give about your family history, but you also never knew your father which was-- bizarre. 
when tony had found out about you, he claimed it was a drunken accident, a mistake, and one he made when he was “less responsibly a stark”, which was actually just some fucking bullshit, but he didn’t wanna admit that he hooked up with some random chick at a bar that he thought was hot.
since you had been raised by a mother who was barely there, you had to raise yourself. you were kinda street smart and book smart, and you were always smart when it came to books, because you were the type to want to learn-- unlike others.
when you were in your teen years, you had tabs on you and the media on you 24/7 to make sure you didn’t royally fuck up. the unwanted attention became too much when you started realizing that people didn’t want you for your personality, they wanted you for your title. but this was after you moved from brooklyn. nuvale and peter never saw you as some “movie star”, or some famous person in the media because you weren’t. but when you had grown to learn what your father did, he had forced you to not fuck up to maintain his-- somewhat okay reputation. 
you always wanted that superstar life, as a fantasy of course, but when you got to it, you realized the cliche-y-ness of it all. you’d idolized the famous women in the media-- idolized how they looked like. you realized fairly quick how fucked up the media truly is. you realized how things really aren’t as they seem. its not just the galas that look extravagant, or getting to wear a fancy new gucci outfit every night. it honestly was a whole bunch of other shit you wouldn’t even imagine. it comes with the no privacy thing- people stalking you in public, the death threats, so much shit that wouldn’t happen as common if you were just anonymous.
being an avenger (basically), your dad had natasha teach you the ropes; the basic rules of how to kick someones ass. it was a handbook that the women of the avengers had created, and it had all the rules and regulations of how to spar someone on the team, and basically how to righteously beat someone's ass up. it was never really something you found too important, but as you grew older, you realized that it was very important to know, especially since you were a girl.
despite your harsh remarks and snarky attitude, your father always knew how to hit a sensitive point in you that always managed to break you down. you never quite understood why he would want to make you feel worse about yourself than you already felt, but regardless, you always felt underappreciated by him. being a stark, you were expected to be a genius, get over the top grades, and constantly be able to keep up, but with your luck, you were graced with depression, social anxiety, and a 4.0 gpa. fun, right? 
wrong.
when you were 11, you had made friends with the kids in your apartment halls, and you learned that their names were nuvale jones and peter parker, and you were basically the golden trio. you were hermione, peter was ron, and nuvale was harry. which, now that you look back at it, makes much more sense than any other arrangement. you also had another friend, harry osborn, but once he moved away, there was no way for you to talk to him anymore. he had moved across the country to california, and from then, it was just you, peter, and nuvale. your best friends ha been there for you for what seemed like decades, although you only knew them for about three.
peter was the boy with the rosy cheeks who little 12 year old you would get butterflies in her tummy. or the type of boy to bring you an extra snack if you weren’t able to pack it the night before. he was the type of boy to walk you to the nurses office if you got hit with a dodgeball. he was the type of boy to fall for someone like you. but he didn’t. or so you thought. 
little prebubescent y/n was an awkward girl who thought the world would be on her side when she needed it the most, or that whenever you needed peter or nuva, they would be there. you didn’t think your best friend would stop talking to you after you had moved away. you were too naive to know that peter liked you, and you were too naive to know that he had liked you back, but you wanted to believe what your brain would tell you, so you decided to flush your feelings down the drain and forget about them, which, in hindsight, was a pretty shitty idea. who would’ve known?
your alarm clock blared loudly from beside you, causing you to let out a loud groan in protest. you hit the side of your head angrily, then whining and rubbing the spot which you hit. whines and loud sighs fell from your lips as you rubbed the sleep from your eyes and pulled the covers over your head, knowing what would come next after you would try to snooze your alarm.
“good morning, miss stark, how could i be of service to you this morning?” friday’s voice echoed through your large bedroom. you peaked your eyes and forehead from beneath the covers, your eyes slowly starting to adjust to the light that was pulled through the big blinds which were now open. 
“mmm, fri, just tell happy to get the car ready, ill be ready in a few min- nevermind, tell him to get ready in thirty, im probably gonna fall asleep in the shower.” you croaked, taking your phone from the charger which was on your nightstand. you slipped on your bunny slippers and turned on the heater in your room, the draft filling your room with cold air throughout the night.
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once you walked through the large industrial doors of midtown’s cafeteria, everyones voices started to drop into sharp hushed whispers, making you roll your eyes and pull your hood up over your face. you pulled your airpods from your pockets into your ears and tried your best to avoid any and all eye contact with anyone you did end up coming into contact with. you walked over to the food bar where you grabbed a red school tray and plastered on your best smile to the lunch ladies who work oh so hard to make sure you all were fed. as you walked through the line, you could feel the intensified stares on you, making your back erupt in chills. you didn’t like to be watched, and the fact that you were a so-called celebrity didn’t help your cause in any way. 
“hey.” a low voice called from behind you. it was a girl with curly hair with gorgeous light brown skin, and a jawline that would cut you. you were almost astonished by her beauty, but you remembered the facade you had to hold, especially to strangers that you didn’t know.
“hey?” you asked unsurely, wondering if she was with the media or not. which was something that tended to happen quite a bit.
“don’t worry, i’m not with the press. you just seem interesting.” she said in a monotone voice, but still with a strong look of seriousness on her face. you giggled softly when your eyes locked and your faces went totally still, making the girl in front of you laugh as well. she held out her hand in front of you, while also balancing her tray and book in the other hand. you placed yours into hers and shook it, smiling when she told you her name.
“michelle jones.” she smiled, your throat getting a little tight at her last name, and you had to admit that it struck a little chord within you, but you quickly cleared it from your thoughts and introduced yourself as well.
“y/n stark. pleasure to meet you, jones.”
“pleasure to meet you too.”
“so, i get that you’re new here,” she started walking, inviting you to walk along with her. “what- what are you doing here? i mean i get you’re smart and all, but this is a nerd school; you literally could’ve gone anywhere, so, might i ask, why here?”
“hm, interesting question. seriously i don’t know. my dad and i don’t really get along so he makes the decisions and i tell him if i like it or not. which by the way, i’m gonna have to stay near you-- you’re the only one making this bearable for me right now.” you snorted, nudging your elbow to hers. 
“hm, daddy issues. great song, love the artists.” she smirked, making you shoot your head back in loud laughter, gaining some side eyed glances from a few people sitting at the tables around you.
“so, where are we sitting? i usually nev-”
“hey mj!” you were interrupted by a boyish laugh and hoots and hollers coming from a table two tables ahead of you. 
“jesus fucking christ. what? just because i got some and you didn’t doesn’t mean that you have to be that fuckin’ loud about it.” she grumbled, placing her tray down, slinging the backpack on her right shoulder beside her. you looked at her with a nervous but curious glint in your eyes. she gave you a knowing look which said, ‘just go with what i say’, making you nod in understanding.
“woah! holy shit! i m- i mean woah- nice to- nice to meet you!” the boy fumbled over his words, looking at you and michelle in disbelief, shaking his friends shoulder and poking at his cheek.
“nice cut, g. looks nice.” you said to him, giggling as you stuck your straw into the mini juice box.
“o-oh, thanks… g?” he said back to you, observing your looks with a confused expression written on his face making you giggle at his confusion. 
“peter! look! y/n stark is at our table!” he whisper shouted to his friend, making you look at michelle with a smile on your face and playfully rolling your eyes. she looked back at you, rolling her eyes as well, gesturing to her head as if saying ‘idiots’, making you giggle and turn back to them. 
“so, bowl cut dude, what’s your name?” you nodded to him, picking at your salad with the blac spork that was so cordially given to you by mj. 
“n-ned, ned leeds.” he smiled sheepishly.
“and you, colonizer, what’s your name?” you tapped on the table, alerting the boys attention. you could hear michelle and ned hollering and snickering from their seats, but decided to keep your poker face rolling. but i mean, how couldn’t you? the look on his face was absolutely priceless. 
“peter park- wait did you just call me a colonizer?” he cut himself off in his own sentence, looking at his other friends for confirmation, to which they nodded, still cackling at the fact that you had indeed call him a colonizer.
“peter park, hm?” you teased, ignoring the way you hesitated and ignoring the way your chest felt heavy when the name of peter was said.
“n-no thats not my name-” he said, tripping over his words, making you let out a chuckle. 
“i’m messing with you. with what you’ve given me, i could only guess your name is peter parker?” you rested your chin on your hand, engaging in the awkward conversation.
“yeah. thats my name.” he said more confidently, giving you a tight lipped smile.
“nice to meet you, parker.”
“you too, stark, my pleasure.”
----
after the small encounter with your new found friends, you had gone back to your respective classes, which meant that your next class had peter in it. after you had split up, you decided to get there early to avoid any commotion surrounding you.
as the boring class continued, you heard the loud clicking of high heels in the hallways, which had to be one person and one person only.
“stark,” someone shouted from the door which swung open. low and behold, in front of you was the prickly bitch, your principal, mrs cunningham. “come with me, eugene’s parents have requested a meeting with you and your father considering that you had just hit their son in the private areas!” everyone snickered and laughed. finally someone had stood up to flash’s shit. 
“y- you punched flash in the nuts? i thought that was just a rumor?” peter stuttered, looking at you in disbelief.
“yeah, the fuck was i gonna do? let him flirt with me? no. that bitch tried to grab my ass. i’m a stark, i was raised better than that.” you whispered to him, packing your bag as you did so.
“hm, guess you’re right. well, good luck stark.” 
“thanks parker.”
--------
once you arrived in the principals office, you saw what seemed to be his mother in one of the seats decked out in expensive pearls and diamonds. typical.
“little miss over here punched my son in the privates! i will not allow this to happen!” fuck. you thought; another one of those stuck up cunty parents.
“pfft, probably paid to get their son into here.” you muttered under your breath, playing with your protection bracelets incase anything was to ever happen.
“wHAT? mrs cunningham, i will not allow this child to talk about my son this wa-”
“hello! i was called in?” a voice interrupted, one you could only peg as your father.
“ahh! mr stark! you’re finally here!” your hilarious excuse as a principal said cheerfully.
“i am! and i am here to.. come and have a meeting about my daughter's- behavior?” he asked questiongly, already seeing the triumphant and cocky look on your face. he knew you weren’t at fault, and you were gonna lie your pretty ass out of it.
“well, mr stark, we have a student in the nurses room due to the actions of your daughter!” she looked at him menacingly. he shook his head with a smile on his face and walked over to you, grasping your shoulders in his hands.
“well kiddo, wanna explain what and why you did what you did?” he smiled, giving you two taps on your shoulder, already knowing what was next. you two had a pretty good acting schedule when it came to it, when in reality, you despised eachother.
“sure daddy! eugene had been hitting on me for several days now, and even found my private social medias in use to.. how can i say this, use me for my fame? he tried talking to me, very inappropriately on several occasions, and even went as far as to try and grab me in areas in which i find extremely inappropriate, without my consent, might i add, which doesn’t seem okay with me. does it seem exceptional to you, mrs thompson?” you asked, while only keeping your eyes on his mother.
“why, i am so sorry miss stark! his father will be in contact, i did not raise my baby to be this way! im sorry for any inconvenience he may have caused you!” she gasped, raising a hand to her heart. 
“it’s okay, i just request, may this never happen again? i would not like my privacy to be invaded, much less from your son, and can i please ask that he never try to hit on me, nor any girls at this school ever again? i can only imagine how many other girls this may have happened to, mrs thompson.” you sighed, your eyes filling up with fake tears. you reached up to touch your fathers hand, tapping it twice back, knowing that you both had just won.
“never again miss stark, once again, i am so sorry this happened to you.” 
“it’s okay. now mrs cunningham, shall we see our way out?” your father answered for you, looking over at the old white woman who looked like a piece of cheese. she could only nod in awe, giving you the cue to pick up your bags and walk proudly to the door.
“thanks i guess.” you muttered, pulling out your airpods once more, hoping to seal the conversation with your father.
“yeah yeah, no problemo.” he muttered back, avoiding eye contact and stuffing his hands in his  pockets. 
once you reached the door, you remembered that you had left something in your locker, and informed your dad that you’d be going back to get it. he all but nodded and looked back at his shoes before trudging to the car.
once you entered the seemingly halls, much to your surprise, you saw a scrawny teenage boy lifting open a set of lockers, which you didn’t even know was possible, and pulling out a red and blue suit. once you saw who the hands belonged to, your mouth fell agape as you gasped,
“peter?”
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smalltragedy · 3 years
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* herman tommeraas, cis man + he/him | you know donovan mercer, right? they’re twenty one, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, four months? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to ice boy by corbin like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole fear hidden behind a stoic stare, bleeding from your nose and from your gums, and the night sky with all its stars, with all its mystery and unknown thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is march 15th, so they’re a pisces, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( james, 21, est, they/them )
yes hi i did bring ducky back. i promised. please love him jst the same im sry he had 2 go fr a while. 
ABUSE, VIOLENCE, DRUG ABUSE, EYE INJURY, GANG MENTIONS TW.
mini playlist.
father ;; the front bottoms / ice boy ;; corbin / lose yourself ;; eminem / my own worst enemy ;; lit / say it ain’t so ;; weezer / maps ;; yeah yeah yeahs / star stopping ;; lil peep / benz truck ;; lil peep / trauma ;; nf / northern downpour ;; panic! at the disco / your graduation ;; modern baseball.
statistics.
full name: donovan mercer.
nickname(s): ducky.
birthday: march 15th, 1999.
zodiac: pisces sun, aquarius moon, aquarius ascending.
label: the despondent.
hometown: hell’s kitchen, new york.
sexuality: bisexual (bt not out).
pinterest.
biography.
born in hell’s kitchen to vinny mercer and a mother who ran out of the hospital as fast as she could, as soon as she was able. she’d gone so quick that she’d never given ducky a middle name - just donovan. the younger brother of mercy (shoutout 2 bri)
his father’s the right-hand man of a well known mob boss named lars amaretto, and so, you can imagine the kind of environment ducky (& mercy) grew up in. weapon & drug dealings, interrogations, violence around every corner. a brutal way of living, no place to raise two children.
implied abuse tw // their father was not kind, or merciful - and ducky was a runt compared to mercy, small and sensitive and kinder than his brother. weak, and filled with softness, with big brown eyes and a smile that should’ve been able to melt ice - but it didn’t. and it never did.
he cried often, and was punished often for it until he learned to stop crying - at least in front of their father, and mercy too, at some point. only in the comfort of his room, with doors locked and blinds drawn closed. implied abuse end of tw
he dreamed, too, dreamt often. he’d been obsessed with outer space since childhood, as long as he could remember. school had once shown man landing on the moon, and ducky wanted that. wanted to be that, wanted to be there, up with the stars, discovering the unthinkable.
abuse mention // but it was discouraged, heavily so - projects destroyed by an angry fist only to be reconstructed to the best of ducky’s ability, with mercy’s help, all throughout the night. he’d saved up for a telescope when he was thirteen, but it’d been destroyed almost immediately when discovered. not a day went by that their father didn’t tell ducky that he was, first and foremost, stupid - and would always be. end of abuse mention
to the point where he stopped trying, simply. he never graduated high school.
abuse mention // anxiety mention // anyways … at the age of fifteen, he’d have enough. he was sick of the abuse, the pain - the crying behind closed doors, the sneaking around, the constant feeling of needing to escape, impending doom, anxiety attacks in the shower and in school bathrooms and at the back of the bus where nobody sat besides him because he was - that boy, the son of that man, the brother of that brute. he’d been a teenager and he’d already been an outcast by all means - an outcast in his family, no matter how hard he tried to appease vinny, and an outsider everywhere else.
the plan took months of preparation, paper ripped out from the back of his school notebook and stuffed beneath his mattress, details of his escape from a checklist of essential items to makeshift maps of bus routes to different cities.
all for nothing, the moment vinny discovered it, the edge of a map sticking out after a rushed morning.
heavy abuse tw // violence tw // it’d been the same day he’d gotten the nickname - ducky - the way the wound wrapped below his mouth, and the way it’d begun to heal - puckered, at first, like a duck’s bill. a better name than eyepatch, at the very least. the scar’d run from the arch of his left brow, across his eye, down his cheek, and below his lip. his eye sustained injury, and not allowed to see a doctor about it, it never healed properly.
eye injury // corneal scarring, impairing his left eye. astronaut dreams destroyed, but not in a matter of seconds. in the matter of an hour, maybe more - and that’d been much, much worse.
he stopped trying to run away after that. tried to be more like their father, more like mercy - more brutish, less feeling. spoke less, and less. spoke hardly at all, unless spoken to first.
still didn’t matter. still lived his days in fear, still knew it’d never change. nothing would ever change.
the mercer brothers have been floating around the north carolina scene for ~5ish years now, trailing after their father who is consistently chasing after their mother with no luck. they’re currently residing in palm motel. can we get a hell yeah?
personality & facts.
he’s actually very? intimidating? when you first meet him. mercy’s younger brother, with a criminal’s record almost as long as his - a scarred face and a mean resting face. it takes at least five minutes of conversation beyond small talk before it starts to weigh on your mind that maybe, he’s not as bad as he seems.
and - well, he isn’t. but he’s guarded - so guarded. more-so than mercy, because mercy’s quicker to anger, quicker to react, and ducky tries so hard to drown out the noise. but he’s not a robot, and his facial expressions can give him away in a second.
he’s seen what happened when mercy had a glimpse of something good in his life (though, it wasn’t actually good at all - mercy had someone, at least. at the very least) - and how quickly it’d all fallen, and so ducky puts a barrier between him and others. distant, as much as he can be.
it hurts, because ducky isn’t by any means antisocial. he doesn’t hate people - he wants to be normal, wants to have friends and a girlfriend - or maybe even a boyfriend, god - but he’s so afraid. ducky is, by nature, a very scared person. terrified to his very core. he knows there is always eyes on him, and mercy too, and he knows that nothing is worth getting someone else hurt.
you know him as mercy’s little brother, and he’s quiet you know that - but his name is ducky, and you think - he’s not too bad. and he knows this, knows the doubts. knows that it’ll get back to mercy, eventually, that his brother is nothing more but a pussy. so he fights more than he’d like to, against the guilt that buries itself deep within his chest with every thrown fist. he throws up, afterwards, in the garbage can outside. too much to drink, he says, rare grin - because grins are convincing, and grins with bleeding gums are intimidating. he learned that from his brother.
violence makes him sick to his very stomach. he can’t watch horror films, or even action films, without feeling queasy. there’s been more times than he can count where he’d thrown up after a fight, or after an interrogation, usually in private but in the occasional presence of mercy.
they fight, a lot, sometimes - ducky’s too soft, too weak, and it’s bad and it’s terrible and ducky knows that mercy’s afraid. for him, of their father, and his wraith. ducky knows that if mercy isn’t hard on him now, their father will be on him harder. still. there’s resentment, small but there, like the flame of a match. he doesn’t know what’ll happen when there’s nothing more to burn, but he doesn’t want to find out. he’s afraid to find out.
he’s still in love with the moon and the stars, and the planet’s - and their moons, too. its subdued, now, though. a silent passion - one that is often not watered, left for rot. he sneaks into engineering lectures at the community college, occasionally, or physics, or whatever peeks the small curiosity inside of him.
commits small acts of kindness when nobody looks. doors held open, the meals of elderly folk eating alone suddenly paid. picks up litter besides trash bins, and always cooks extra than what he needs and leaves the rest for mercy. it’s these small things that make him feel, just the slightest, better about himself.
because god - there are layers and layers of self-loathing. it’s a labyrinth, and he’d never speak of it - but he can’t stand his own reflection. doesn’t keep photos of his family, only a few sparingly of mercy.
a liar, sad to say. has little experience with. ehem. intimacy, and the bodies of others, but lies often and says that he does. mostly to his brother, but word travels quick - and he’s not nearly as much as a fuckboy as is rumored, having only been with a handful of girls, if even that. it’s better this way - if people know that he throws others away like they’re nothing.
he ghosts often, too, if he does get to talking with anybody. the moment ducky feels a spark, something pulling at his poor heart, he ghosts. he develops feelings too easily, too often than he’d like. has left many friendships without explanation, because of this. you know the priest in fleabag season 2? the scene where he comes to fleabag’s house? yeah. tht’s ducky!
has maybe half the amount of clients that mercy does, but he’s working on it.
pretends he doesn’t care as much as he does. pretends a lot, like there’s nothing soft to him. but a trained eye can see clearly through this. even so - even if you can see that there’s more to ducky than violence and drug deals - you’d still have to break through a dozen walls.
in the rare occasion you get him talking - i mean, talking a lot - he’ll talk about space. ramble off a dozen useless facts about dwarf stars and black holes and all of jupiter’s moons. about a video game he likes, about nothing and everything at all. but as soon as he begins, he stops - embarrassed. apologizes, shuts his mouth, disappears to wherever. anywhere but there.
drug abuse // has a. complicated relationship with benzos n xanax n a various assortment of painkillers. ironic bc he hates drugs due to. his chosen career n wldnt do most of what they sell, bt yknow. this ws inevitable. hates beer bt forces himself 2 drink it bc toxic masculinity probably man idk.
overall just … he’s a soft boy, with a big heart - bigger than anybody else in his family, that’s for sure, but his exterior is far different than that, and it’s hard to tell.
violence mention // purposely loses fights so that he doesn’t have to severely hurt someone. because sometimes he just - he was raised in a violent environment, and sometimes he snaps. sometimes ducky just fucking snaps. and his vision goes red, and he can’t control himself - because need to survive kicks in, and violence is all he knows. if someone pushes ducky - pushes him enough, he breaks. he fights back. it’s all he knows. it’s all he knows. it’s all he knows, and that’s not an excuse - and he knows this, and god, he’s so tired. he is so. tired.
wanted plots.
u look good tonight ... ;; wld love a connection in which he is feeling emotionally compromised n maybe kinda hs a thing w someone bt hes like. very unreliable n kinda ghosting bc he is very afraid n it wld b maybe bad fr them to b anything other than hook ups. cld apply to smth very intensive or smth very surface lvl i’ll take thousands.
palms sweaty ... moms spaghetti ... ;; ppl tht ducky just hs fkn brawled. cld b anybody fr any reason. ducky prob lost n he prob lost on purpose bt also ur muse cld maybe kick ducky’s ass? cld b a fake fight cld b a real fight. cld b a npc fight n then ur muse cn patch up ducky? possibilities endless. maybe they hv a nice spaghetti dinner n both of them r both bruised up frm their fight. sometimes fights end in spaghetti dinners. thanks eminnem or whatever.
own worse enemy... ;; ducky needs friends bt hes bad at making friends n sometimes he fks shit up by pushing ppl away n self sabotaging n being a major cunt n sometimes he just ghosts bt hes always very remorseful abt it? this cld b a very like. up n down friendship of any type its just. where do they stand. r they friends. r they enemies. r they lovers? probably not lovers. prob just platonic. but still its the thought tht counts.
and also ;; literally just like. anything. clients who buy off of him n like. casual friends n casual enemies n casual hookups. ppl hes ghosted. ppl hes embarrassed himself in front of. maybe ur muse tries to get ducky to socialize or maybe ducky is like. u are too much fr me. n ur muse runs off crying. endless possibilities all u hv to do is call this number now.
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gerberbabey · 4 years
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cocaine | kiara carrera
madison bailey rlly met her gf ON TIKTOK, thats wild and now i see that my chances arent as low as i believe. anyways love that for them.
writing this made me so damn depressed. like if anyone would like to fall in love w me, im just here...chillin.
masterlist | cocain series: 2 | 3 
summary: Kiara falls in love with someone who isn’t willing to love anymore (story inspired by the mentioned song and this scene).
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warnings: that gay shit, cursing, angst, underage drug use, underage drinking, mentions of dying, unrequited love?
♫ Cocaine by Pink Sweat$ ♫
Kooks could talk as much shit as they wanted but it didn’t exactly stop them from showing up at the boneyard for a kegger. They whined and complained about Pogues but still came around to the other side of the island because they knew they would have a good time.
“It’s like watching National Geographic,” Kie winced and you sputtered out a laugh, stumbling back as you tried to keep the water from dripping onto your clothes. There was a pocket of Kooks jumping around to the music, moving in a weird sort of unison that was both stiff and awkward.
“Ew,” Kie laughed as you leaned forward to spit out the water that you had been trying to drink. To be honest it wasn’t that funny of a comment but you were also high of your ass so everything was hilarious.
“I can’t breathe,” you huffed out and Kie had to hold you steady when you stumbled into her. You were laughing so hard that it was at that point where you weren’t even making any noise. She couldn’t stop herself from laughing because of how hard you were laughing.
“Oh my god (Y/N) it wasn’t even that funny!”
“Then why are you laughing?!”
“Because you’re laughing!”
The two of you burst out into another fit of giggles as you wrapped your arms around the girl, resting your head on her chest as she wrapped her arms around you and struggled to keep the two of you standing.
“Are you two ok?” Pope walked up to the two of you just as you stumbled into the sand in a laughing heap. You let out one giggled and took in a deep breath as you stared up at Pope, your head hazy and heavy.
“Chillin dude,” you drawled out and Pope shook his head before he helped the two of you up. Kia brushed off the sand from her curls and you gave an aggressive shake of your head as you brushed out the sand from hair at the same time. Kie let out a noise and Pope stepped back to avoid any sand flying at him.
When you stopped you stumbled to straighten up. Everything around you was moving fast and yet slow at the same time and you let out a laugh.
Kie couldn’t help but look at you with a dopey look on her face. She wished she could tell you just how much she loved you. The day Kie had realized she was in love with her best friend was a bit of a stressful one. Kie was a firm believer of the “No Pogue on Pogue macking rule”. Not only did she believe it would change everything if broken, she also didn’t want to have a reason to be tied down to the Outer Banks. She loved her friends, her family, and her life on the island but she knew she was capable of so much more. Deep down in her heart she knew that she was meant to travel the world. That the best way for her to succeed was to get out of the Outer Banks and into the world.
But then one day she looked into your eyes and knew she loved you. That she was in love with you.
You were friends with the Pogues before she’d joined the group but you were the first one she met. You met the rest of the Pogues through JJ, and then had integrated Kie into the group after you started working at The Wreck.
After the betrayal of Sarah Cameron and the pain she went through being ostracized by her entire school, meeting you and then the boys had been her saving grace. Sure you weren’t jumping to your feet to try and help baby sea turtles into the ocean, but you always listened to her. You understood her.
“I mean everyone’s freaking out about plastic straws but the cups are like...more plastic,” you added to her rant and she nodded enthusiastically.
“That’s exactly what I’m saying!”
She was pretty much convinced the two of you were soulmates the day you had played her a playlist that you made just for her.
Yet even though she was so head over heels in love there was too many reasons why she couldn’t tell you.
One of the biggest reasons was your lack of faith in love and relationships. Convincing you that falling in love and being in love was a good thing proved to be a difficult feat. You’d been hurt so much by the concept of love that you’d moved past the point of thinking you’d ever fall in love. You left it behind and believed wholeheartedly that it wasn’t something meant for you. You didn’t believe in marriage and didn’t believe that you would ever find that person. You’d stopped looking and that meant that you couldn’t and wouldn’t see Kie in the way she wished you would.
“Yo (Y/N)!”
You and your friends turned at that and Kie watched you grin as you ran up to the boy who called you. You jumped into his arms and Kie bit her lip.
“Dude! What the fuck is up?!” You yelled as the boy laughed and let you down. You were jumping around excitedly, “Yo when did you get home?”
“Yesterday.”
“Who’s that?” Kie asked JJ and the boy turned to look at what she was talking about.
“Huh? Oh that’s Quincy, he graduated last year I think? Went to the Navy or something, him and (Y/N) were really close.”
“Oh.”
Kie wondered why she never heard about Quincy.
“Kie!!!” You waved her over and Kie pushed down that weird feeling that was rising up and hid it with a smile. She moved to stand by you and tried not preen when you took her hand in yours, intertwining your fingers and holding on tight. She hoped that Quincy would conclude that she was yours. (You may not have been hers, but she was wholeheartedly yours).
“Kie this Quincy. He was my fuckin plug before he left,” you laughed and Quincy crossed his arms and gave you a look. Kie felt a little relieved but then thought about this.
“Didn’t you start smoking when you were like...in middle school?” Kie asked and Quincy laughed while you shrugged.
“Yeah, can you imagine how I felt seeing this 12 year old asking me if I sold?”
Kie tried not to cringe. You’d been smoking for way longer than she’d known you. Your tolerance surpassed JJ, likely because of your lack of tolerance breaks. Kie could argue that at least you’d only smoked weed and hadn’t dove into other, harder drugs. The one time you had, Kie nearly had a heart attack and the boys almost killed a boy for urging you to take it.
You’d told her once that you just really liked how being high made you feel. The strain you smoked made you feel relaxed. It eased your mind and your body.
You told her that you started smoking after your parents separated. They’d fallen out of love and decided that rather than being adults and dealing with their issues themselves, they’d put the weight and stress of their problems onto your shoulders. A year later you had decided you were going to quit because you’d fallen in love with your boyfriend of a year and a half. You nearly did stop getting high, but then your boyfriend broke up with you, didn’t tell you you why, and then ghosted you.
3 days later he’d posted about his new girlfriend (he’d reassured you nothing was going on between them when you were together. The time stamp of the filtered picture told you and everyone else otherwise).
Kie wanted to spite the people who’d led to the walls you built around your heart.
You had guided Kie and Quincy back over to the other Pogues and Kie couldn’t help but cling to you that night. She didn’t like Quincy’s familiarity with you. It was kind of childish really but it’d been a while since you’d looked eager to interact with anybody who weren’t the Pogues. Kie’s heart skipped a beat when she realized how absolutely ok you were with her holding and touching you.
“Hey...(Y/N)?”
“Hmm..?”
The two of you were laying in her bed. The kegger had ended some time ago and though the two of you would’ve usually stayed at the Chateau with the boys, she’d decided she wanted to spend the rest of her night alone with you. She’d appreciated Quincy taking the two of you to her house.
“You really don’t think you’re going to get married?” she questioned quietly and she watched you open your eyes and look into her own.
“Hm...Yeah. Probably not,” you told her honestly.
“Why not?”
“...I don’t know. I don’t think I’d want to commit to someone that much. Plus...I don’t think anyone would wanna commit to being with me either.”
Kie would.
“But what if someone loves you...so so much, but you just won’t open yourself up to them? Would you really risk losing that before you even know it?”
You stayed silent at that. This was something that constantly went through your mind. sometimes you thought about those “what if” moments constantly. What if you’d given that boy a chance? Would you be in love with him now? Would the two of you be happy?
Yet you also thought: but maybe the two of you would be miserable instead. Maybe it would just lead to more pain.
“I don’t know if I could deal with being hurt because of love again.”
“...Ok...”
The two of you eventually drifted off to sleep. Kie’s chest hurt but she dreamt about kissing you.
Kie sometimes wished that she could be the one to bring your heart out of its hiding place. She wanted to be the person that you were willing to finally love. She wanted you to toss aside the risk of getting hurt because she’d make it clear to you that she would never hurt you.
JJ had gotten too high once, and had told her that you and him sometimes went to the dock and just sat there in silence. That the two of you would allow your worries to ease just by being beside one another and that you both knew that even without talking, or venting, or even smoking, you understood how JJ felt and JJ understood how you felt.
Kie wanted that.
She wished she didn’t have to push so hard for you to feel comfort in her, but she would continue pushing nonetheless. Despite how close the two of you were as friends, vulnerable moments were rare with you. 
“Kie, I need you to leave this alone ok? It’s seriously not any of your business,” you’d tried to shake her off and she only became angrier. The boys had shuffled out of the room the moment you’d walked in with Kie yelling at you.
She had went to pick you up and caught you snorting a line of...something, in your room.
“None of my business!? I can’t just let you hurt yourself like this (Y/N)!”
“Kie you smoke with me! Fucking weed is killing me just as much as any other drug would! If you cared so much then don’t cherry pick what you decide to care about!”
“Don’t ever tell me how I feel!”
“God you’re not my fucking mom Kie, just stop!”
“No (Y/N)!”
You’d stormed off after that argument. Out of all the people in your life you thought Kie would be the last person the chastise you for anything you did. You thought she understood. Kie felt terrible when you didn’t come around to the Chateau or even talk to her and the Pogues for the rest of the day. Kie’s heart was in your hands and you were squeezing.
The next day, Kie had bursted into your room crying.
“You can’t be mad at me for just wanting you to be ok...” she sobbed and you held her tight to you. 
“I know Kie, I know. I’m sorry,” you mumbled into her hair before you gave her a kiss on the forehead. She pulled back to look at you and she took in the worried expression on your face. She was hyper aware of the feeling of your thumbs stroking her cheek. Kie shut her eyes and leaned forward to press her lips onto yours.
Her heart broke into a million pieces when you gasped and backed away.
“Oh my god...” Kie sobbed and stood from where the two of you had clung to each other on your bed, “I’m sorry-I just..I’m gonna go-” 
You couldn’t say a word as you watched Kie rush out of your room.
“Fuck!” she yelled before the door slammed shut.
part 2...?
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illfoandillfie · 4 years
Text
No Particular Place To Go
Pairing: Roger Taylor x Reader
Summery: Roger takes you on a drive
Warnings: None really. Some swearing, some talk of sex but nothing explicit, driving without a seatbelt
Words: 1724
A/N: I didn't really plan to write this but I was sitting on a bus listening to my 50s playlist today when No Particular Place To Go by Chuck Berry came up on shuffle and it inspired me. Something short and cute to tide you over until I can finish one of the other things i'm working on. 
Also did you know seat belts weren't compulsory in the UK until like 1983!
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Taglist:  @laedymoon  @dtfrogertaylor  @vee-ndetta​ @atomic-watermelon @kellypenac​ @labessieisallama​ @deakyclicks​ @jennyggggrrr​ @drowseoftaylor​  @hannafuckingsucks​  @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming​ @queenmylovely​ @supersonicfreddie​
You knew it was Roger’s car coming down the street the second you heard the growl of the engine. It didn’t have the low whine of the woman next door’s car or the sickly chug of the one from across the road that pissed Roger off every time he heard it. He strongly believed a car that nice should belong to someone who’d look after it properly and not the prick who had it. As if to prove that he made sure his own set of wheels was at its cleanest and smoothest running whenever he picked you up for a date. You weren’t sure if it was a pride thing or just a determination to be better than annoying assholes or if it was because he’d caught the guy checking you out one hot afternoon. Whatever the reason it kept things interesting. And stopped Roger from outright punching the guy. Plus it meant you could recognise Roger’s engine within seconds, having heard him purr his way to your door every time you had a date. Which is why you were already skipping down the front steps before he could step out of the car. “Hi love,” he grinned as he pulled you into a hug, “you ready to go?” “Yeah, where are you taking me?” “On a drive,” He shrugged as he pulled the front passenger door open for you, “nowhere particular. Just thought it might be a bit of fun, you and me and the open road.” “Sounds very romantic Rog.” “Damn fuckin’ right it will be.” You couldn’t help but laugh as he shut the door and made his way round to the driver’s seat. He looked bemused as he glanced over and saw you buckling your seatbelt. “You are the only person I’ve ever met who bothers with that thing.” “You say that like you meet hundreds of people every day when we both know that’s not true. Honestly, I can’t believe you don’t buckle up. The number of scrapes you’ve gotten into.” “Hey! It’s not that many,” he half laughed as he pulled out onto the road. “There was like three last week if I’m not mistaken – the pole you hit when you were reversing, that scratch you spent hours buffing out from that little red car you got too close t-” “Okay okay, point taken. But,” he glanced in the mirror as he pulled up at an intersection, “counter argument.” It was a good thing the road was quiet because Roger leaned in to kiss you softly, fingertips dancing over your jaw, making you entirely forget what your third example was. If you hadn’t been sat in the passenger seat of a running vehicle you would have been more than happy to let Roger keep kissing you. But, instead you whispered his name against his lips the first moment he pulled away long enough for you to get the word out. “Said you were gonna take me on a drive,” “Technically I did.” “Only three streets from home,” “Exactly, three whole streets. Haven’t gone too far to turn around yet,” “Rog, c’mon,” He sighed and leaned in for one final kiss before he faced forward again, looked right and left and then kept driving, “You sure you don’t wanna head home?” “Get me more than three streets away and you’ll get more than a kiss.”
The sun was beginning to set as you reached the highway. Roger had stolen a few more quick kisses at various red lights and stop signs, but for the most part he was well behaved. You fiddled with the radio as he drove, trying to find a decent station to listen to as you got further and further away from home, singing along to whatever songs you landed on between bursts of conversation. It was while you were singing along to an advertising jingle you’d heard a thousand times that you caught Roger looking at you. “What is it?” “Nothing. I love you,” “I love you too, Rog,” A giggle was pulled from you as Roger threw his arm around you and tugged you to lean against his side, pressing a quick kiss to the top of your head. It did absolutely nothing to stem the rising urge to kiss him again. But he was driving and, now that you were out of the backstreets, there were more cars around to be mindful of. So you leaned your head on Roger’s shoulder, fingers twitching in your lap with the desire to get closer, to hold him properly, no steering wheels or seat belts in the way. You tried to distract yourself from those thoughts by suggesting you play eye spy or something similar, but the game didn’t last long. The dying light made it harder and harder to see things clearly enough and, though you thought you were doing an admirable job of keeping yourself under wraps, Roger wasn’t doing so well. His breath was coming noticeably harder and seemed to catch in his throat whenever you leaned your head against his shoulder, his voice was rougher, and you could have sworn his pants were a bit tighter than they had been when he got into the car.
When you noticed the first stars appearing in the sky you spoke up, “should we pull over?” Roger nodded and jerked the car onto the grass on the side of the road. You hoped he hadn’t done something stupid and got the wheels stuck but the thought was driven from your mind when the noise of the engine died down. “Been wondering when you’d ask instead of making all those cute little needy sighing noises. And you’re nipples have been poking through your shirt for so long now it’s a miracle I stayed so focused on the road.” “Shut up and kiss me again,” Roger’s face broke into a grin as he did as you’d requested, clearly as eager to get his hands on you as you were to touch him. He twisted towards you more as his tongue ran over your bottom lip, one hand cupping your face. His other hand dropped down to your chest, pinching and squeezing over your shirt. Your arched into him as much as the seatbelt would allow, torn between grabbing him back and undoing the belt. Your nails scraped over the release button, bumping against Roger’s as you both fumbled with it. But neither of you managed to hit it properly, the belt staying tight. You let out a breathless chuckle that Roger happily swallowed as you moved your hand up to his jaw, letting him unbuckle you. He groaned softly when there was no pop and shifted in his seat. “Stupid fucking thing,” he mumbled against your lips as he tried a second time to release you. When he was met with the same problem he pulled away, focusing all his attention on the buckle. “Rog, what are you doing?” “It’s not….You try, I’m at a bad angle,” You rolled your eyes, “Y’know if you used yours more you’d know how to get them un- Fuck. It’s not working,” “What?” “Rog I’m stuck. Your piece of shit car has me trapped,” “Hey, she’s not that bad,” “Mmhmm, sure,” you tugged on the belt, the panic rising in your chest and not being able to get loose, “because everyone knows the good cars have these sorts of problems,” “Stop talking shit about the car, you’ve obviously buckled it wrong. Give me a second,” Roger said in response to your look, flinging his door open so he could run around to yours. He wrenched I open hard and bent over your lap to try and get a better look as he once more attempted pressing the button in. It didn’t budge. “Well?” you pulled on the belt again. “It’s gone all stiff, I need more leverage I think,” he half climbed into the car, only one leg remaining on the ground outside and tried to put more of his weight into it. You burst out laughing, unable to hold back at the sheer ridiculousness of it all. Roger joined in, his face falling against your neck as he tried to collect himself. “Is there anyway you can just fuck me like this?” You asked, through the laughter, wiping tears from your eyes. “Don’t think so. Maybe I could get my finger’s in there?” A fresh burst of laughter took you both over, Roger stumbling backwards out of the car again.
When it finally passed the worry kicked back in, your chest tightening at the thought of never being free. It was the same feeling you got when your head got stuck in your shirt. “What are we going to do, Rog?” Roger looked you over, scratching his head, “I don’t know. Something.” “That’s not helpful. I’d really quite like to not be stuck like this for the rest of my life, thanks.” “We’ll get you out, just keep trying while we drive, okay? I’ve got some oil back at my place that might help,” Roger let out a breath and shook his head, “Can’t believe my piece of shit car fucking cockblocked us.” You giggled again as he got back into the drivers seat, shaking his head, “So you agree it’s a piece of shit,” “Uh, no, you don’t get to bash on my car, only I get to do that. And if you just didn’t bother with the belt like a regular fucking person. Or if you’d let me turn around before we got too far,” You poked your tongue out at Roger. It was quiet except for the radio and the engine as Roger turned the car around and headed back the way you’d come, he mood so different to when you’d pulled up. Your body still hummed with desire but it was more subdued now, though you were sure it would be back in full force the second you broke loose. “I promise I’ll get you out,” Roger said softly, glancing over at you, “even if I have to cut the belt in half.” “I know,” you tugged on it again, hoping that the movement of the car would loosen it somehow, “But can you also promise that if I manage to get it undone while we’re driving, you’ll pull over the first chance you get.”
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baekhyuq · 5 years
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“Cybersex.” Baekhyun (m) Robot!bbh
[Artificial Intelligence!Baekhyun/Robot!Baekhyun]
Genre: Smut/Fluff
Word count: 3.5k
Playlist: Cybersex - Doja Cat/Say so-Doja Cat
Summary: You order your first AI because you’re lonely, but the AI seems to be more in control of you than you are of him.
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Dragging the tab to customize your characters face, you make a sound as it comes together. Your customized character looks absolutely fuckable. In your own words.
Your friend—Yeri—introduced you to a very popular company that allows you to custom a robot/AI and have it delivered right to your door step. This was a dangerous thing you’ve considered many times. What if the AI becomes something evil? Your worries were just childish but valid. Your friend assured you nothing bad would happen, you could always report it to the company.
She went on to tell you how she’s had her AI for about a year and nothing has happened. You remember coming over to meet her robot—man. He was charming to say the least, with the modern technology they’ve developed over the years, they’ve replicated human emotions almost perfectly. Some interactions are still awkward and stiff between the human and AI.
“It’s expensive but worth it, I need somebody.” You talk yourself into hitting the confirm order button. You stare at the button for over 5 minutes before clicking it and instantly regret.
“W-wait.” You breathe out, what if this was the worst thing you’ve done yet?
***
“Y/n you can’t cancel it...Once the order is made you can’t go back.” Yeri tells you over lunch. You’re both eating veggie burgers with a side of fries. You explained how you’ve tried everything to cancel your order to the company.
“I cant believe I just blew so much money on fucking AI.” You sulk in your seat, the truth is, you’re lonely and need a companion but literally buying one isn’t the way to go about it. Right?
“I just wanted someone to share my time with.” You confess, embarrassed. “Is there really no way to cancel my order?” You ask for the third time.
Yeri sighs, “No. Y/n, just think of it as a treat for yourself. There’s no harm done with wanting company!” She manages to cheer you up about the situation in which you’ve spent a large sum on a robot man.
If there’s no way you’re getting your money back then you might as well start making a place for it to stay.
You and Yeri shop for things to decorate its room with. Living in a two bed apartment, you had the space for the AI to live. Or exist, whatever it will do.
Your phone dings, indicating a text message. You check your phone, a message displaying across the screen. “AI has been delivered.”
It’s been only a day.
“Yeri!?!” You yell in the middle of checking out.
She turns to you with wide eyes, “What’s wrong? Do you not like the bedding that much? I’ll change—“
“It says he’s been delivered!” You whisper yell, you didn’t want anyone knowing you fell into society’s trap of having an AI.
Yeri’s face relaxes, “Their delivery has gotten faster, Chanyeol took about three days for them to ship him.” She smiles fondly, “We should go to your house asap.”
***
“I didn’t freaking know he would get here the very next day!” You’re more freaked out by the very tall box that’s standing by your front door.
“I-is he alive in there?” You tap the box.
“He has to be activated first silly.” Yeri giggles at you, pushing the box past your door way. “Let’s go!”
“Yeri im terrified.” The heavy box has been standing in your living room for almost 20 minutes. Yeri has had enough of your hesitating self, she’s taken the responsibility into her own hands to open the box.
“Instructions. These are important, so don’t throw them away, got it?” She talks you through the unboxing. She pulls the wings of the cardboard back and you see a hand.
“Oh my god!” You cover your eyes. This can’t be fucking happening.
Yeri tears away the plastic the robot is wrapped in. You peep through your fingers. He’s absolutely breathtaking. You gasp audibly.
“Oh my god, Y/n. You made this?!” Yeri’s surprised by how handsome he is, giving his shoulder a squeeze. “Oh he’s toned, lets activate him!”
Yeri takes your phone and goes to the app of the company. She navigates through some steps before coming to a loading bar.
“Once this is filled up then you’ll have yourself a man!” Yeri’s clapping happily as she sits beside you to wait patiently. “You did such a good job, his face is so handsome.”
You’re jaw is still on the ground, you can’t believe your creation is here in the...flesh? You’re scared but at the same time you’re also excited.
“It’s almost finished.” Yeri’s voice breaks you out of your staring competition with the robot that has ceased to live yet. “Complete!”
A sound is emitted from the app, a beeping and a few buzzing sounds before its quiet. You can Yeri are hanging off the edge of the couch.
“Did it work—“
The AI jolts to life and looks around the room before introducing himself, “Hello, my name is Baekhyun.” A smile reaches his face and he looks even more handsome.
You’re forced to stand, reaching out to take his hand, shaking it. “H-hello my name is Y/n. It’s nice to finally meet you, Baekhyun.” Your hand is sweaty and you’re hoping he isn’t able to feel it.
“Your hand is damp, sweaty palms is an indicator that the person is nervous. Am I making you nervous Y/n?” The AI says intelligently, his voice is soothing. It’s also embarrassing that he just pointed that out.
“I’m sorry, I’ve been nervous since I ordered you...” You’re uncomfortable claiming that you bought him right to his face. Is it like an unnamed rule that you shouldn’t mention it?
“That is a normal reaction I suppose.” He laughs, your heart melts and your stomach erupts with butterflies. “Your brain is releasing oxytocin and cortisol, now your blood vessels around your gut are constricting. You must be feeling nauseous now, or as you humans call it ‘having butterflies in your stomach’.”
How can he tell by just standing near you?! It’s almost creepy!
“Baekhyun you’re very knowledgeable, you know that?” Yeri jumps in to slice the awkward conversation. She stands up to shake Baekhyun’s hand introducing herself.
“Nice to meet you, Yeri.”
“I actually have an AI of my own, his name is Chanyeol.”
“I’ve never heard that name before. He must be a customized model?” Baekhyun asks.
Yeri nods, “I should introduce him to you one day!” That’s not a bad idea, Baekhyun will probably become lonely here when you’re out.
Baekhyun smiles before shifting his attention to you. “You are my creator, correct?”
His question throws you off for a second. “Yes.”
“Alright, you must answer a few questions for my system if that’s alright.”
“Ah yes, that’s fine, please come and sit.” You and Baekhyun sit next to each other while Yeri wonders off into the kitchen for food.
Baekhyun asks questions such as what his duties are, or where he may or may not go in the house, ect.
“What is my purpose?” He asks, a blue dot by his ear lights up.
“For keeping me company...” You couldn’t blatantly tell him he was here because you wanted a man in your life! What kind of creator would you look like?
“Just company?” Baekhyun smirks almost, a questioning look on his face. He doesn’t press further, not wanting to make you uncomfortable. He could sense your heart rate increase at his questions. Your cheeks were becoming red by the minute. Each question would result in a stuttering response from you. Baekhyun found you fascinating.
“That is all I needed thank you, my system will accommodate to you based on the answers you provided.”
“Ah, no problem.” You can’t help but stare at him, he’s just so perfect. The round rip of his nose and the curve of his cheeks. It’s all so inhuman.
“I h-have a question actually.” You turn to face Baekhyun, your leg brushing his.
He nods encouraging you to speak.
“May I touch your face? I know it sounds weird but I just can’t stop staring at it, I know I created your face and all but I just want to see for myself. You know? Should I not mention that I created you? Does it make you uncomfortable? I won’t do it if you’re uncomfortable—“
Baekhyun interrupts your speech by grabbing your hand and placing it on his cheek. “Fleshy exterior and a metal interior. I’m made of 60 percent of customized silicone to replicate human skin. But the rest of me is various metals. You may ask any other questions you might have, I will answer to the best of my abilities.” His voice is silk, not skipping even one beat as he spoke.
Your hand hesitates in feeling around his face, tracing his nose and pinching his cheeks even. He feels just like a human. “What’s your hair made of?”
“100 percent human hair.” He chuckles, his hands in his lap. “My teeth are made of the silicone and various muscles replicated are made from the silicone, but with variations of densities with making one organ harder or squishy. Here touch it.” He sticks out his tongue and you grab it without hesitation. It’s wet and rough like a tongue.
“Wow, thats so freaky.”
“Right? The wondrous world of AI technology!” Baekhyun’s first joke to crack has you giggling endlessly.
***
‘He’s charming’ is your first thought of Baekhyun, he hasn’t stopped making you laugh since he’s arrived. Another thing is that he’s understanding, you’ve been sharing your personal life with him and he’s listened the whole time without judgement. He’s even given you well constructed advice.
“Ah! I forgot, Yeri and I were actually shopping for your room today. We picked up a few things, we weren’t sure what you’d like since...you know.” You led him to his room which was right across form yours.
“Wow that’s very considerate of you both, I really appreciate it.” Baekhyun looks around, the rooms to his liking. He doesn’t know exactly what he likes about it but he’s content with it.
“If you want anything else to decorate it with just let me know!” You stand at the door with your hands together. It’s an awkward silence before Baekhyun speaks.
“Is there anything that you would like me to do?”
“Oh, I—no. Not right now, no.” Your stuttering response makes Baekhyun emit a laugh.
“You don’t have to be nervous around me Y/n. I am your creation think of me as...” He pauses to think, his chin in his hand. He looks back at you, “Think of me as if i’m just your boyfriend!”
You choke on your spit, alarming Baekhyun who stands up to pat your back.
“Baekhyun I think i’m going to take a shower feel free to wonder the apartment.” You spit out before practically running to your room. If he wasn’t a fucking AI you would jump his bones right then and there.
You try to calm your heart rate with a steamy shower. The mirrors fogged up and you’re listening to your music on a low volume, minding your new roommate.
You’re shaving your legs when you hear the door open. You pause, did you hear right? There’s no possible way he would—
The shower curtain is ripped back and reveals a naked Baekhyun.
“Baekhyun—close the curtain! What are you doing in here!?” You scream in terror, your AI has literally just seen you naked.
“I thought this was an invitation? Did I read you wrong? Your body temperature was very high and your eyes were dilated. Those were signs of attraction, then you said you would go shower, I thought—“
“Baekhyun get out!” You cut him off by yelling.
Baekhyun leaves the bathroom. You’re absolutely mortified and embarrassed. You get out the shower wrapping a towel around your body to dry off. You begin to dress when you notice the shadow of his feet. You pull open the door, standing face to face with Baekhyun.
“Y/n, I ran through my system to see what mistake I made and I apologize.” He looks down at you, his arms at his side. He looks so robotic.
“Baekhyun don’t come into the bathroom when I’m in here... People take showers alone, okay?” You’re straining from what you want to actually say. Please fuck me now, Baekhyun.
“Yes Y/n.” There’s a pause. “Did you like it?”
“Like what?”
“The body you created.” He almost smirks, and you want to wipe it off his face. His subtle cocky attitude makes you uncomfortably horny.
“Seeing as your body temperature is rising again and you’re blinking a lot. And also how your brain is releasing plenty of dopamine and also your nipples are poking through your shirt. You must have enjoyed a part of it.” He’s leaning closer, blocking you from running.
“Tell me Y/n. Do you want to test if this body can meet your expectations? Would you like a test drive?” Baekhyun’s mouth is by your ear, his breath fanning the side of your face.
You can barely respond with a nod, not trusting your voice.
“I need words, I need your verbal permission. I will not hold back If you agree Y/n.” The way he says your name, your kitty is dripping already.
“Yes, Baekhyun. Please take me.” You gain a small amount of confidence from his want. His desire. Your hands grips his toned arms.“I want you.” You whisper.
Baekhyun picks you up with inhuman strength and carries you to your room. He tosses you on the bed.
“I would ask how you like it, but telling by your arousal at me throwing you on the bed I’d conclude you enjoy it rough.”
His words shoot right to your kitty. Fuck, how could this robot possess so much sex appeal right now? Looking like that should be a punishable crime.
You’re also curious, as to how he will perform. Will he be inhumanly perfect? Will he be careful? They are questions begging to be answered.
“What are you thinking of at a time like this? You’re zoning out.” Baekhyun straddles you on the bed, his hands running up your sides to take hold of your hands. He pins them above you, glaring down at you.
“Keep your mind only on what’s happening in this room.”
“I was thinking about you.” You bite your lip as you shamefully admit your dirty thoughts.
“Were you?” His eyes travel down to your lips, he licks his own.
“I was thinking of how you would be..in bed.”
“Is that so? Why don’t I just demonstrate.” Baekhyun dips his head to catch your lips with his. His lips taste like cherry, how could this be? His hand comes to the side of your face to caress your cheek. He’s gentle.
“Go ahead then.” You gain confidence at his desire, once more.
“Yes, Y/n.” He breaks away to let a smirk play on his lips. He starts with your nightgown, taking off the lacy slip. He kisses your shoulders and over your collarbones. His hand travels to your waist, holding you. You breathe calmly, the nervousness melting away with each kiss set by Baekhyun.
“Your heart rate has calmed but your body temperature is rising. How adorable.” He pushes your panties down teasingly, not taking them off. You roll your eyes, pushing him by his shoulder. For an artificial man he posses enough charisma and sex appeal to charm you out of your panties yourself.
He lets the band of your panties smack against your skin. You whine and pout, furrowing your brows at him. Baekhyun puts his hand over your clothed kitty, letting a single finger push down and sink between your folds. He rubs your clit gently, barely stimulating you but revving your engine nonetheless. You grab onto his wrist, asking him to rub you harder.
“Stop teasing.” You whine at his dainty touch, wanting to be petted way heavier than what he’s giving. Baekhyun laughs at your desperate attempts. He gives in and presses harder on your clit, rubbing in circles. You moan quietly, biting your lip quickly after.
Baekhyun’s brows furrow at the sound of your moans, his ears have never heard such a sound before. He rubs your clit harder to hear the song once more. You hold out trying not to embarrass yourself but it slips out when Baekhyun licks up your neck.
“Your moans are so adorable, Y/n.” You feel his voice vibrate through his chest.
Baekhyun slips his hand into your panties, touching your bare clit, his fingers become sticky and damp. The sounds coming from between your thighs fill the room, along with your heavy breathing. Baekhyun seems to be the only one unaffected.
“How can you not be out of breath?” You ask, turning your head to face him.
Baekhyun grins at the layer of sweat over your body. “Oh, Sweetheart. I am very much affected.” He takes your hand and places it over his chest, his hearts beating fast. “You caused this.”
He catches your lips in his and your hand sneaks up to the side of his face. His finger dipping into your hole surprising you, you jolt and let out a surprised squeak.
“The noises you make, I could listen to them all day.” Baekhyun confesses, he sits up, positioning you to lay on your stomach.
You lay obediently, becoming anxious for his touch. His thighs are on either side of your ass, his hand lands on the small of your back. His fingers walk up your spine to your shoulders, then down to the small of your back.
“Baekhyun stop playing, grab my ass.” You whine, arching your back for him even further.
Baekhyun erupts with laughter, “You’re so impatient.” He smacks your ass before grabbing it and soothing the sting. He slides off your panties tossing them on the floor. He has full access to your pussy. He dips his fingers between your thighs, rubbing you from behind. It feels as if the sensation feels more intense in this position.
You moan softly, earning a grunt from Baekhyun. You turn your head to see his face. He’s already looking at you. His dark eyes are penetrating yours. You feel as if you can’t hold out anymore.
“Baekhyun, please fuck me.”
Baekhyun undresses in an instant, you didn’t have to tell him twice. He’s positioning himself up to your pussy and slowly slides in. You almost cry out from the stretch. His length is perfect but he’s thicker than anyone you’ve ever had. He bottoms out, resting his hand on your hip. He slides out and thrusts forward slowly, letting out a low moan in your ear. His chest touches your back. Your breathing is uneven and your heart is beating fast. You could feel every inch of Baekhyun, his delicious cock buried inside of you. Baekhyun wraps and arm around your neck, holding you to him. He starts thrusting quickly, you squeeze your eyes shut at the pleasure.
Your climax begins to build, the knot in your stomach unraveling slowly. You reach down to rub your clit but Baekhyun slaps your hand away, rubbing it himself. You almost feel sensitive at the way he’s rubbing it and you jerk away from his touch.
“Baekhyun i’m about to cum!” You whine loudly, biting down on his arm. The slapping noises emitting from you both fill the room and the bed creaks quietly. The air is filled with sex and the smell of sweat.
Baekhyun furrows his brows as he speeds uo his thrusts. Your body is buried in the mattress, your hip burning from his grip on it. You feel as if any second you will—
“Ah~” Your feet dig into Baekhyun’s lower back, pressing him further into you. Your greedy kitty contracts around his length as Baekhyun tries to reach his own climax. Is it possible for an AI to ejaculate? You find out soon when Baekhyun lets out an animalistic grunt and your back is covered in a sticky wet goodness. Your feet drop back into the bed, fatigue plaguing you as your head rests on Baekhyun’s arm under you. You can feel his heavy breathing evening out as he rolls off of you.
“Well?” He breathes out, looking over at you.
You look up at him with droopy eyes. “Well what?”
“How was my performance, did I meet your expectations?” His toothy smile melts your heart once more. You place a hand on his chest, curling up by his side.
“You were amazing, I didn’t think I would cum so hard by an AI.” You tease poking your tongue out at Baekhyun. He spanks your ass and you giggle.
“This AI can do more than make you cum more than once, Sweetheart.”
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jawnjendes · 4 years
Text
bonus: why is their luck in a deeply sad moment? | shawn mendes
some type of au idk man, shawn x goth ex gf
WARNING: there is talk of death and suicide in this chapter. read at your own risk.
AN: i cant squeeze this into the next big fic nor can i fit it into shawn meets bc everyone hated it so its a bonus in the gg story lmao also im starying the Next Big Fic in a few days :)
masterlist | annalise’s playlist
2026.
"Sometimes I think about the what ifs,"  Ann said, “but I like where I am. I like what I’ve made for myself.”
Shawn had to invite her over to his house a second time, because the first time left him with many questions unanswered. He couldn’t be mad at what she said, though. He was in the same boat; he liked the life he made. You know, without the crushing loss and run in with the supernatural.
“Well, I’m happy for you,” he told her, and he really meant it. “I’m glad we were able to successfully do our own things straight after breaking up.”
“Nothing like filling the void in your heart with work!” Ann replied with a giggle. She moved a strand of hair behind her ear, and that’s when Shawn noticed something.
He took her hand and noticed a tattoo on the side of her middle finger: The Triforce.
“You got inked?” he asked, impressed.
“Oh, that’s nothing,” she replied, grabbing her sleeve to roll it up.
There was a sword on her inner arm. It was varying in shades of blue, and it also had the Triforce on it. Shawn recognized it as the Master Sword from the Legend of Zelda games.
“All this is is proof that I’m a nerd,” Ann said as she rolled her sleeve back down. “I notice you have some more ink also… and that you still wear shirts half buttoned.” She pointed to his chest.
Her finger poked the exposed skin. It shouldn’t have been as tingly as it was. Shawn smiled and placed his hand over his chest.
“More than just that,” he told her. “But I can’t show you all of them.”
Maybe it was a little risky to say that. Shawn would have taken it back if Ann’s cheeks hadn’t gone a shade of pink.
“I could say the same thing…”
Shawn quickly came to learn just how many tattoos Ann had gotten over the years. A snake and tombstones on her other arm. Feather on her collarbone, roses on her shoulder. A quote reading, “...but I’m not anymore” with stars around it on her ribcage. Something on her wrist that Shawn didn’t catch because he was busy pressing his lips to her hips and taking off her pants, where he found another tattoo. “Lucky you.” He certainly felt it.
Everything about their time together was so familiar, so easy and almost home-like. Ann’s skin touching his. Her lips perfectly molding over his. The quiet, needy gasps they both released into the bedroom. It was like going back in time, and they were in Shawn’s Toronto apartment instead of his multimillion dollar condo in LA. It was soft and slow, despite Shawn pinning Ann’s arms above her head. He didn’t outgrow that particular move, and she still seemed to like it.
Shawn had never been happier to have been on a break more than now. Most one night stands in the past began and ended very quickly, because he was on tour or in between interviews or on a break for one day. This was one person that he didn’t want to leave behind. They lied down, sweaty and dazed, facing each other. It was silent, but not awkward. Everything had a nice haze around it.
That was also when Shawn finally made out what the tattoo on Ann’s wrist was. He picked his head up in confusion.
“Is… are those torches?” he asked. “Upside down? Just like mine… and are those my initials?”
It was simple line art, less intricate than his own. Torches in an X, with “SM” right below them. Shawn has been floored many times, and this was no exception.
Ann picked her head up as well. “It’s not what it looks like.”
Shawn looked down at his chest, his torches were exactly the same, sans the initials. He wanted to give Ann the benefit of the doubt, that this wasn’t some creepy fangirl thing. Some of his one night stands ended up like that, and it wasn’t exactly easy to forget.
“It’s for a friend of mine,” Ann explained, sitting up and covering her front with the blanket. She took note of the look on Shawn’s face. “Keeping someone’s light on beyond death, remember? I assume yours is for someone too.”
They were both sitting up now, and Shawn relaxed. However, he only relaxed a little bit because now it was time to get deep.
“Mine’s for Brian. He died last year.”
Ann’s face fell. “No. Brian, your best friend? Brian, the one who constantly took the piss outta me?”
He nodded. “He was… there was an accident. Flight of stairs. Instantly killed.” It was all lies, but no human would understand.
A hand went over his, squeezing. “I’m so sorry. He just, he just fell down some stairs?”
“A lot of stairs. I don’t know I guess he was running or something. There was no way to save him. People in the house heard the crash, but by the time they found him - when I found him - it was too late.” He had told this version many times, enough times to where he could almost believe it himself.
“Fuck, man. That’s… that’s fucking terrible,” Ann said sympathetically. “But I seriously can’t believe you just told me that.”
“Why?”
“Because now I have to tell you that mine is for Stella. Those are her initials.”
Stella Martinez. Now Shawn felt a little stupid… but surprised, and he was met with a sinking feeling in his stomach. He couldn’t believe it for a second, but it fully processed in his head, and his heart began to break.
“Stella from college? Stella, who was your literal opposite and also your best friend?”
Ann solemnly nodded. Then she looked down. “She… she killed herself.”
Shawn was stunned into silence, the tightness in his chest only intensifying. The entire time he knew Stella, she was always so positive and bubbly. She was the opposite of suicidal. That’s why it was such a shock… and so sad. Oh god, who was going to tell Camila?
“When did Brian go to the other side?” Ann asked after a moment.
“A year ago last month,” Shawn replied. “And Stella?”
Ann raised an eyebrow. “Two years ago last month...”
It was a strange coincidence, but still upsetting. Both Shawn and Ann lost their best friends at the same time of the year. The urge to spill everything was thick in the air. Still, neither of them said anything for a while.
Instead, Ann reached down to the floor to pick up her clothes. Shawn’s eyes were stuck on her and that was when he spotted another word on her back. Nightmare. Small font, right shoulder blade, surrounded by a cluster of skulls. Then, he realized what she was doing.
“Are you leaving?”
She looked up, bra in hand. She was quiet as she put it back on.
“No. No, I’m not going anywhere.”
And she crawled back into bed. She made the point to keep a distance from Shawn, who was still naked. He was on his side, looking at the woman before him. Only Ann could have sex with him and bring up the subject of death. That brought a new point to mind.
“How do you enjoy death?” he asked. “I think I’ve asked you this before, but after losing someone and attending their funeral, I’m having a hard time understanding your perspective.”
Ann took a deep breath, looking up at the ceiling. “I don’t enjoy the act of dying. People die every day in horrible ways. People mourn and fall into depression because of death. That’s not something to enjoy.”
“So what’s your deal with it?”
“I’m just embracing the face that it’s inevitable. I do that for myself. I will die eventually, or tomorrow-”
Shawn made a face; he didn’t like that thought.
“It doesn’t make it any easier when someone I know goes,” Ann continued. “You’d think with all the research I’ve done it would be. The ones we love leave this mortal plane, and all they leave is their absence. And that alone is a lot to process.”
“What’s the hardest part?”
“The what if’s.”
Shawn asked because he really wanted to know more about what happened to Stella. He had to know the things that led up to the tragedy, mostly because he knew Camila would ask for details, even if they were hard to hear.
He figured he should spill his side first.
“The last thing I said to Brian was to get the hell out of my room,” he began. “We were fighting, fighting over something so fucking stupid, and I was so pissed at him. That was our last interaction. He fell down the stairs because he was trying to find me in this big huge mansion…”
Ann sat up a little bit, hand over her chest. “Here?”
“Oh no, not here. I was staying at a friend’s house in London for a work thing. Place was huge, easy to get lost in,” Shawn clarified. “Brian, Andrew, all of them were leaving back to Toronto and I didn’t want to go just yet. Part of it was because I was still pissed. Maybe if I had run into him first before he fell… If I hadn’t kicked him out of my room a few nights prior… If I was less of an asshole…”
“Maybe you would have slipped on the stairs,” Ann told him. “Maybe you guys would have had an even bigger argument later that would have ended your friendship. There’s no way to tell, and sometimes that’s what sucks the most.”
Huh. Most people tell him not to dwell on it. No wonder Ann was a shrink now.
“Losing someone is one of the hardest things we, as humans, have to face,” she said. “It’s not easy in the slightest. Besides, the grieving period takes about three to five years, so you - we - are still in the beginning stages of it. Thinking about the what ifs, what you want to change, what you wish you could say to Brian - all of that is normal.”
The two of them let those words settle for a moment. Shawn’s eyes were a little misty, and redirecting the topic was probably not going to help. But he laid his stuff out on the table.
“What about you?” he asked.
“Me?”
“Your what ifs?”
Ann paused, looking around the room. “What if I had put my Master’s to use and noticed the goddamn signs?”
Shawn watched her, hoping she would at least return the eye contact.
“I’m an expert in this shit,” she said. “I have the years of school, the degrees, and the licenses for detecting things like this. I only figured it out the moment her dad called me.”
“How do you detect when someone is suicidal?”
“In her case, she was elated. When someone makes that decision, they reach a state of euphoria because they know their pain is about to end.”
“But Stella was always-”
“Believe me, I know. I hadn’t talked to her since graduating in Toronto, so I thought she hadn’t changed at all. But I would see on her social media, she just moved back to her parents’ house in Florida, and she hinted that she wasn’t happy about it.”
As if Shawn couldn’t take another blow. Come to think of it, he never heard much about Stella’s home life. He didn’t even think that it could be a negative place for her.
“I was in Jacksonville for work,” Ann continued, “so I hit her up, and we met up for lunch. We talked for about an hour, and she said that I was always a good friend and college wife and that she’ll always love me. And my stone hearted ass just said ‘cool, you don’t suck’ and that was that. A month later, she’s as blue as the pills she took.”
“Ooo…” Shawn sighed, cringing at that mental image. Sweet, warm hearted Stella cold and lifeless. Call it morbid, awful thinking, but Shawn wished Brian looked like that in death instead of the bloody mess he turned out to be.
“Yeah. And her parents had her embalmed and put in an airtight casket, but that’s a whole other rant.” Ann waved it off and lied back down.
Shawn didn’t know what else to do except lie down as well. While sharing the stories of how their friends died, he couldn’t help but feel just a little bit closer to Ann. The first time they met, it took fighting tooth and nail to get her to open up. Now, Shawn felt okay silently reached for her hand, and tenderly holding it in his.
Both of them winded up at the same awards show. Both lost their best friends. Both got the same type of tattoo to honor them. Neither of them anticipated meeting again. This couldn’t be a coincidence.
_______
goth gf taglist: @normalcyisoverrated-beyou @ilsolee @mendesromano @kitykatnumber @strangerliaa @iloveshawnieboi @someoneunimportantxx @goldenmndes @calyumthomas @shawnsunflower @shawnvvmendes @parkeraul @havethetimeeofyourlifee @chillingbythesea @wronglanemendes @softmendesss @peruvian-bae @theprivatewritings
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movedthechangingman · 4 years
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everyone knows how i Feel about johnzee but i do think their relationship/break up is essential for their current n52/rebirth characterizations. this is all my opinion and you dont have to agree w me so dont jump up my ass but wow these two are so fucked up
... like im fascinated by how terrible things became and a lot of my unfinished writing is abt the Complicated emotions n all and i do have a playlist about why and how they need to be in therapy and far away from eachother until they can work their shit out
i make jokes about how they would have become the alpha couple if they stayed together/got married but lmao its not totally untrue... i listen to anything from tallahassee or the previous alpha couple songs and its. Oh Huh. i never have and never will doubt that john and zee love/loved eachother but it did canonically turn rotten and i dont think its just because of her dads death its just...
zee is not a good person neither is john and i 100% believe they bring out the worst in eachother, i know JLD52 is very questionable for characterization but the absolute nightmare of codependent love/hate they have for eachother. john states flat out that hes cruel to her on purpose so he doesnt have to admit that he cant get over her... we know as of jld18 that zatanna mindwiping other people is still canon and its a trick she pulls on john in his first new 52 solo. she uses her power to warp his moral compass (and it was confusing for me? but seemingly she made him forget she did it in the first place). she mentions again in JLD that she intends to wipe his knowledge of backwards magic.
zatanna is just.. naive when it comes to john. she gives him endless chances to do better by her and their allies. and he fails her... again and again and again. she says she’ll never trust him again... and immediately does. that weird alternate wish fulfillment reality where she grows old with him and then goes apeshit because “she cant live without him” while also knowing its never going to be the real john. she wants a love from him he can never give her. john cant be happy
and now in rebirth.. god to know hes (unwillingly) been manipulating her the whole time... and like. since we havent gotten a follow up zatanna is just left with questions. did zatara force him to seduce her? how much of their relationship was a lie? her dad who was everything to her but controlled every aspect of her life without her knowing it. not necessarily on topic but zatara sucks so much but also i think its worth noting circe + zataras team up as two like master manipulators in rebirth (circe w diana and zatara w john/zee)... hoping that gets some follow up eventually. zees crying of “tell me you planned it. tell me you and my dad had a trick up your sleeve” kiiiiiilled me. she cant trust anyone at this point. however also fucked up but zatara using magic to make sure john cant speak about/tell zatanna what he made him do is so fucked up also
anyway this is probably illegible but wow you two are so fucked up! go to therapy! also worth nothing john and zee are two my favourite characters of all time but wow they really do make eachother worse anytime romantic shit gets brought up and i think tynions general writing style of making everyone clinically depressed makes sense for them considering the entire thing
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So alot of you will disagree with me on what im about to say and thats fine. I underatand not everyone will feel how i do on the matter due to the severity and evidence floating around.
And id like to preface this by saying that this isnt me giving him an excuse or saying what hes done is okay because obviously its not, people were hurt and are still hurting and he should be held responsible for his actions accordingly.
That being said lets delve in to this shotstorm of a topic and clear some things up. So as most everyone knows at this point the allegations against Ryan aka Cryaotic have been confirmed to a degree by himself and several of his 'victims'. The members of LNC have also confirmed bits and peices of the situation as thr information became available to them and its been confirmed by Snake that there are atlest 17 to 18 people who have come forward to him about their involvement as victims of Ryan.
With this information in tow id like to make a few points before hashing out the nitty gritty detIls in full. And before anyone comes for my neck over this just know that this is from the perspective of someone whose both seen and been a victim of this type of shit herself and also grown up in a family where age gaps are common place in most all relationships.
So for starters ive seen how grooming works hell ive béen a victim of it before but i got out of it early enough to not have sever lasting trauma from it. Whati personally feel is grooming and see as true malicious intent is not what ive seen so far with these allegations. Thats not to say it wasnt wrong because by all means on a moral level this is obviously disturbing. Coming from the perspective of someone who grew up knowing that an age gap of 4 to 6 years as common however makes this situation feel less like hes a pedophile or monster for whats taken place. I personally have had relationships with men older than me by 2 to 7 years even. When i was 15 i dated a guy who at the time was 18, which if you want to be technical about it, was illegal. Had anyone wanted to they couldve put him in jail for it due to my being only 15 at the time. But similar to the situation with Ryan, nothing sexual transpired till i was of age. My last relationship was with a man who was 27 while im only 21 which is a 6 year difference. But because im 21 its veiwed as normal. Look at your elders even. More often than not theres an age gap of atleast 3 years between couples. My grandmother is nearly 10 years younger than my grandfather even. Personally i feel like its okay as long as things dont become physical untill the younger party is of age. That in mind i still know that a 22 year old talking sexually with someone 16 or 17 is wrong morally and verges on illegal.
As for the allegations themselves and his victims. Know that the community hears you we support you and we wish the best for you all and that you get the closure you deserve and you dont owe us the full stories as those are your personal lives raveled in a very upsetting tale. I dont doubt that they were hurt or that they were truely victims, its clear that they were and deserve to see him held accountable just as any other accused of similar things.
As for Ryan himself. I am hurt and dissapointed by whats come out and as much as i want to join everyone on calling you a monster and saying i hate you, i dont. I see a man whose hurting others and himself in ways that are rather disturbing to hear and i hope you get the help you need and right your wrongs. The community should also realize that holding you accountable doesnt mean sending you hate and making remarks that you should off yourself or demand explinations. We arent the victims and we dont have the right to demand answers. We arent the ones who get to forgive him and we arent the ones who should be getting the apologies. I havent gotten all the details on the situation so obviously my veiw isnt going to be 100% accurate but even so i know that he owes us nothing and that the victims are the ones who get to make the demands.
From a legal stand point his silence is a smart move as he was only making this worse with his video and oroginal tweets on the matter. So be patient, if he releases a statement on the matter at some point then he does but if he never makes one then let it die with the community. We dont need to keep this alive by demanding he answer us especially when we could be hurting the victims more by keeping it in their faces what hes done.
I dont wish bad on anyone involved and only hope they all get the help they deserve and need in the process of this all. For those who dont know whats going on here are links to some of the videos and threads best explaining the situation.
https://www.reddit.com/r/ChaoticMonki/comments/hef6zr/megathread_cryaotic_accusations/?utm_source=xpromo&utm_medium=amp&utm_name=amp_comment_iterations&utm_term=active&utm_content=post_body
https://youtu.be/B7LdXYjs_YE
youtube
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL4rW7I7oephFlTfoZz0kAaaQEtaGTiLjD
Theres morr out there on this im sure and please do let me know if ive missed anything but on a personal note while i feel he needs to face the consequences of what hes done i dont think things are being handled well by the community. This couldve been much worse and the backlash has been rather extream. Obviously theres still things we dont know but as of right now im firm in my feelings that he deserves time to get help and explain himself even though its not going to change the past. And i hope the victims get their solace and justice for whats transpired.
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saturnmyg · 6 years
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The devil wears givenchy (1) | Min Yoongi
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❝ You’re a therapist who one day gets a call from someone who claims to be satan asking for an appointment. On the day of the appointment you expect to see a teenager or someone in their mid twenties instead you’re met with a man in a screaming red suit whose hair and eyes are as dark as the night but with an attitude of a spoiled brat, he surely cant be satan. ❞
➵ paring: Satan! Yoongi x Therapist reader
➵ author’s note:  im excited for this series to start so i hope yall like it, also the question yn asks are question therapist have asked me on the first counselling session this is all based on experience. 
➵ requested by : no one
| 6.6k words | Demon au |  romance | Humor | action | eventual smut | series
| warnings in this chapter : cursing, mention of death 
Masterlist
@minyoonjiswifey
➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵ ➵
‘’Miss Y/n’’
A deep voice followed by a knock rips you out of your thoughts and you look over to the door. The office's secretary Mr Kim stands there holding a planner in his hand
‘’There was a request or should i say a demand for a counseling session’’ Kim continues brows furrowing together telling you that he's mildly annoyed ‘’by someone claiming to be satan’’
‘’Excuse me what?’’ you fully turn towards secretary Kim with raised eyebrows.
‘’As i said he claimed to-’’
‘’No i understood that’’ you interrupt waving your hand dismissively ‘’did you ask what his real name is?’’
‘’I did-’’ Kim answers monotone ‘’- he said mortals shall call him Min Yoongi. i set an appointment this friday five o'clock’’
‘’Alright thank you for notifying me’’ you smile at the stoic man who just nods in reply, bows slightly and walks out of your office.
Mr Kim is.. a peculiar person. He's a man of a few words with an expressionless yet handsome face and mouse grey dyed hair thats most of the times slicked back. Though when finally does  decide to talk, he tells the wildest stories that often gives you a whiplash.He's also an undefeated champion when it comes to giving backhanded compliments or at least they seem to be.
You'd think working together for almost nine years you'd be used to him.
Thats right, its been nine years since you started working as a therapist. You've always had an affinity to listening to other peoples concerns and to look at the problem objectively without it affecting you. Its funny though that you ended up in this profession. The past you was.. wild, especially during college. Don't get it wrong it wasn't that you were out partying all time but you and your group of friends were up to no good.
Your family was very poor when your mother was still alive. She loved gambling and spending her money on alcohol to the point where you had no food left at home. Which meant that fourteen years old you had to work, at a strip club as waitress. Not the best place for a minor to be considering the leeching looks the people sometimes threw at you but fortunately one of the security guys always looked out for you. until one day a sleazy looking man gave you his business card saying that he was looking for someone who'd be able to deliver stuff for him. Of course you were weary but the promise of a paycheck that was three times higher than the one you were already earning was too good of an opportunity to let it slip past you.
And thats basically how you became a drug dealer and how you met your friends who were either also working for your ex boss or working for his friend who often had his folks deliver drugs to your boss. Of course that slowed down the moment you became a senior. You started studying and participating in class more, the pressure of finding a socially accepted job after college weighing on your shoulder like a huge rock. You and some of your friends completely stopped dealing when graduation was nearing and your boss thankfully let you go but offered that the there would be always a spot open for you if you ever needed it.
Shaking your head you chuckle slightly and turn back to the computer. You've met countless types of people but no one ever has introduced themselves as satan. You're intrigued in finding out what type of person your client is going to be.
Shutting off the laptop you stand up from the table, take your jacket and put it on. Flickering off the lights you turn around and give your office a last glance before you exit out of the room. Walking down the pristine hallway towards where the reception you fumble with your car keys lost in your thoughts. Arriving at the entrance you see Secretary Kim sitting behind the computer typing something at a fast speed. Walking up to the reception table you knock on the dark hard wood a few times ‘’I'm clocking off’’
Secretary Kim looks up from the computer and nods curtly, the glasses sitting low on his nose bridge, before immersing himself in whatever he was doing before and you let out a small sigh
‘’don’t stay too long’’  you warn him and leave the office.
Standing in front of the elevator you hum a quiet tune waiting for the doors to open. A few seconds later a quiet ping indicates that the elevator has arrived at your level and the doors open. Surprised you see a tall man wearing a black coat with a book in his hand
‘’Ah good evening Y/n’’ The man greets you as you walk into the elevator, dimples poking out of his cheeks.
‘’Its already night Namjoon’’ you greet back with a small chuckle.
Namjoon works at the dental praxis that is one floor above you so you constantly run into each other. He's playful man who most of the times has a mischievous glint in his eyes yet from what you've seen is very serious about his job. Another thing is he's quite popular, even amongst your own coworker alongside with secretary Kim. But with those looks who wouldn't be, tan skin with deep dimples and voice, beautiful thick hair and legs so long they belong on a runway. Plus he got the brains too, he's what you call a total package, anyone would be drooling for him.
Namjoon reaches over and presses the button ‘’since its only 07:55pm its still evening’’
‘’Semantics’’ you reply with an eye roll and namjoon just chuckles. A comfortable hush falls over the both of you and you take out your phone. Your'e so immersed in looking at your schedule that you dont notice that the doors have opened. Namjoon nudges you and you snap out of it, bashfully you tuck your phone back into your pocket and walks towards  the building's entrance.
‘’See you Y/n’’ Namjoon turns around smiles, his eyes turn into crescents.
‘’Bye’’ you wave and you both part ways. Taking your scarf out of the purse, you wrap it around your neck before tugging the jacket closer to your body. Winter has finally settled and you're overjoyed. You love November, you love how the city smells of cinnamon and mulled wine. How around every corner you can hear people already singing Christmas carols and how everyone just looks so happy.
Besides Christmas you love winter nights, specifically nights where you wake up at three in the morning to pee and you look outside to find freshly fallen snow. The snow making the environment look brighter and slightly alienating, kind of as if you live in a picture. Yet for whatever reasons that sight makes your bed seem more comfortable and warm.
Scurrying across the parking lot you take out your keys and unlock the vehicle. Quickly you get into it and slam the door behind you. Throwing your purse on the passenger seat you plug your phone in, scroll through Spotify till you find your playlist and press play. A smooth melody with a deep bass vibrates through the car as you're backing out of the parking spot and you quietly hum along.
The only thing about winter you don’t really like is driving on the iced street. Along with the lingering paranoia that any car could lose control and crash into yours.
Thats a bad habit of yours, imagining the worst possible outcomes of any situation. You could be walking down the stairs and suddenly you'll think about how you could fall down, hit your head and die instantly cause your neck snapped. So most of your rides are filled with anxiety and extreme caution.
Sighing slightly you shake your head before focusing back on the road.
⤑ ⤑ ⤑ ⤑
Unlocking the door you enter you home, take off your shoes off. Walking down the hallway into the living room you throw your jacket onto the gray couch and grab the remote control. Turning on the tv you continue to walk into the kitchen.
Your kitchen is pretty nice though, black tiles decorating the wall along with white and gray cabinets. As a matter of fact you decorated your place only with monochrome colors, to the point where even your dishes match the look you're going for. The plants that are widespread throughout the apartment finishes the look with a splash of green color.
To be honest, you've been meaning to change the color scheme but you're either are too lazy or too busy to do so. Maybe its cause you've gotten older but often times the colors make you feel alienating, kind of the same feeling you get when you enter an apple store. Future-esque but not homely or welcoming.
Opening the refrigerator you groan at the sight, slamming the fridge shut you notice the post on note. ''buy groceries!''  it says in bright red cursive letters. Great, whats the point of using post on notes when you don't even see them cause apparently now you're blind.
Grimacing your reach over to the house phone hanging on the wall corner that separates the kitchen and living room, and dial the pizzeria's number. The phone rings a few times until it clicks
‘’Dio's pizzeria how can i help you?’’  asks a lazy voice.
You give them your order and address and they tell you that the pizza should arrive in thirty minutes. Hanging up the phone you walk out of the kitchen, down the hallway into your room.
Your bedroom just like the rest of the apartment is decked out in the same monochromic colors , even your sheets and pillows match. Hanging on your wall are cute pictures of your college friends that you try to meet up at least once a week. Overall the room has a nice feeling to it but if the pictures weren't there no one could tell that this room belongs to you.
Putting the light on you stop in your tracks. Something is off, you cant really pin point what but it feels like someone was in your bedroom when you weren't home. Looking at the pictures on the wall you see that they're all intact and untouched. Walking towards the desk you carefully look at the papers and other items, wondering if you truly left your desk this disorganized.
With quiet steps you walk to the closet and take out your pajamas and scurry out of the room. ''What is this , final destination?' you mutter under your breath and enter the bathroom. Feeling like someone is watching you quickly undress and jump into the shower.
After serenading several songs you remember that the pizza should be arriving any minute you jump out of the shower and dry yourself with a fluffy towel you bought a few months ago. As you're wrapping the towel around your head you hear the doorbell ring so you walk out of the bathroom, take your purse out of the bag that you left in the hallway and open the door.
In front of you stands a boy that looks like he's in his early twenties. Tall, with honey dipped tan skin and Dark hair that reaches the tip of his chin. A face that's so flawless you're sure he was sculpted by god himself. Yet the longer you stare at him the more its off putting. Kind of like how the longer you look into the mirror the more grotesque you think the reflection has become. His eyes is what makes the alarm bells ring in your head. They're big and dark but soulless to the point where for a second you think a other worldly being stands in front of you.
‘’One prosciutto e funghi pizza for Y/n?’’ He asks his voice deep and you notice that his canines are unusually pointy.
‘’Thats me’’ you answer , take the pizza. As you're handing him the money, your finger tips graze the palm of his cold hand a electric shock goes through your body.
‘’Always be careful to not touch supernatural beings’’ a vague memory of an old woman flashes through your head and you quickly retract your hand, clutching it against your chest.
The delivery boy who stiffed up at the skin contact, hastily takes a step back, runs his fingers through his hair , acting nonchalant but his eyes are still wide. ''Have a nice day'' he says, his smile even more menacing than before and it sends a shiver up your spine.
You nod slowly, and he turns around and  leaves. Your eyes following his back until he walks down the stairs and you cant see him anymore , before you walk back into your home and close the door. Walking into the living room you put the pizza on the small table by the couch and you sit down.
‘’Its just paranoia’’ you mutter, reach over and take a piece out of the carton. ''Is it though? you ask yourself while biting into the food. You're not sure why you even had such a flashback earlier and why your grandma was in it. As much as you know she's was an ordinary old sweet lady who loved spoiling her grandchild, though there is a big junk of your memory missing due to an incident that happened when you were a child.
Shaking your head you decide to worry about it when the time comes and try to enjoy the rest of the night.
‘’How could you do this to me?’’ the woman on tv cries and you scrunch your nose. The acting is horrible, similar to how the late eighties movie were, over dramatic with a lousy plot and weird sense of humor. Taking the remote control, you take a bite off the pizza and switch the channel.
⤑ ⤑ ⤑ ⤑
Annoyed Yoongi sits in the waiting room, tapping his fingers against his thigh rhythmically. He's only here because his advisor- Jimin basically blackmailed him to go to therapy, which in yoongi's eyes is ridiculous. As a matter of fact , Yoongi had rolled his eyes when jimin came up with the proposition. He doesn't need therapy he's perfectly fine but according to Jimin ,yoongi is brash, pompous and needs a ''reality'' check. Yoongi thinks jimin is only saying that because of the way he treats his employees. Sure he's a hard-to- please- boss and likes to nitpick at everything, he is satan after all but he has seen human's who were in his position treat their employees way worse than he does.
Yet here he is, sitting in the waiting room in a uncomfortable chair while starring at the white eggshell wall that's decorated with various framed pop art posters. The atmosphere heavy reminding yoongi of the dread of lost souls and he wants to smack his head against the wall. The tapping on his thigh speeds up , making the small thumping sound echo through the room and the man sitting opposite of yoongi shoots hime a glare. Before yoongi can retaliate the door opens and you step into the room.
‘’Min Yoongi?’’
Yoongi stand up and fixes his blazer and walks towards you.
The first thing you notice about the Yoongi is the suit he's wearing. The red is so bright it makes you want to gauge your eyes out, you cant fathom for the life of you why someone would wear that color but then again secretary Kim did tell you that the person on the phone was strange. The suit though fits his form quite and goes well with the white turtleneck that he's wearing underneath the blazer.
‘’That's me’’Yoongi replies, stretching out his hand.
‘’Y/n’’ you take his hand into yours and shake it briefly. The second thing you notice is how deep yet slightly nasal his voice is, which matches his image impeccably.
‘’Please follow me’’ you say and turn around to walk down the hallway with yoongi on your heel. Opening your office door you step aside and let him enter the room first. ‘’Would you like something to drink?’’ you ask walking over to the coffee machine standing on top of the gray table thats by the wall.
‘’Coffee, black’’ Yoongi curtly answers, while looking around the room before sitting down on the arm chair.
Yoongi feels uncomfortable. Theres this weird feeling in his gut that started the moment his skin touched yours and that feeling only got stronger when he walked into your office. Your office looks like any normal office would look, white walls also decorated with the same overrated pop art posters that every college student that majors in art surely has hanging in their room. Gray armchairs and a plant by your desk that looks like its five minutes away from dying. Yoongi isn't sure if the plant is supposed to be like that or if you're really just careless and if the latter is the case, does that mean you care about your clients the same way as that plant?
‘’Here’’ you speak up ripping yoongi out of his thoughts, putting the mug on the small table in front of him before taking a seat opposite of yoongi.
Yoongi was surprised earlier when you greeted him. He expected his therapist to be an older woman in her fifties who had a kind grandmother face and a soft voice. Instead he was met with you, who stood as if you were being pulled up by the roots of your hair, wearing black from head to toe with your hair pulled into a tight ponytail and oval glasses sitting on top of your nose. Which made you look more like the grim reaper instead of a professional who listens and helps people coping being alive. Even know as you're sitting in front of him, you're posture is straight as a wooden board which adds an air of elegance to your being but in yoongi's eyes you look prudish and stern.
‘’Tell me why you're here’’ you say looking up from your notebook where you wrote down todays date and his name.
Picking the cup up Yoongi takes a sip before sighing deeply ''i was forced to be here''
That doesn't surprise you, his whole body language and vibe screams that he doesn't want to be here at all and you're sure he's doing that on purpose. ‘’Forced? by who?’’
‘’By my advisor’’ Yoongi answers ‘’he thinks i have behavioral issues’’, he makes air quotes. ‘’Which is complete bullshit considering we work in hell and compared to the human bosses who are way more corrupted that we demons are i'm actually quite lenient’’
You stop writing on your notebook and blink at him multiples times. The fact that he even said that whole speech with a straight face makes you think you dissociated for a second. Raising your eyebrows slightly you continue to write.
calls workplace hell and refers to coworkers as demons. advisor sent him to counseling.
‘’I assume then that you haven't seen a therapist or counselor before?’’ you ask and cross your legs.
‘’correct’’ Yoongi sighs ‘’i'm going to be honest i'm not exactly expecting much from this i'm only here cause of my advisor who otherwise would get angry it wouldn't surprise me if he ratted me out to the angels’’
That the action of someone nonchalantly shrugging their shoulders could look so arrogantly never occurred to you until you met him. Nodding your head you continue to ask
‘’What do you see as being the biggest problem?’’
‘’Work’’ Yoongi answers so fast the words practically fly out of his mouth. ‘’Some would say its me but its the workers. We're not understaffed but the workers love lazying around and gossip. And hiring new people would take up too much time considering that they'd need training and honestly i don’t have the patience cause they're more likely to make mistakes and i hate mistakes. he stresses the word hate.
likes consistency ,seems very particular about surroundings.
‘’What exactly is your occupation?’’
‘’I thought you humans knew what we demons do’’ Yoongi states taking another sip of the coffee. ‘’Considering that mankind worship god and its ways, though the holy scriptures aren't accurate at all i mean they were written by humans , which by the way half of those people didn't even exist, and then translated into other languages over decades which means most of what was originally written is lost in translation.’’
If this were The Office this would be the scene where you'd blankly stare into the camera for a few seconds but it isn't so you just choose to stay quiet.
‘’But you know what's ridiculous?’’ Yoongi continues ‘’i got casted out , told that i will never return to heaven, which yeah was shitty but the real trauma is how when i fell i was immense pain cause my wings started to burn off and my wings were my pride you know.  Just cause i didn't agree with their vision,  and now i constantly have gods followers on my ass, acting like I'm the bad one when in actuality I'm just doing my job and its those unemployed demons that wreck havoc in the human world.’’
Refers to parental figure as god, meaning that person is the authorial person in the household. overall cites and talks about the bible, could mean  the household is extremely religious.. Says angels are after him and the coworkers, possibly trying to tarnish the company's name. Has implied that he is satan, possible the black sheep of the family.
‘’I thought satan is responsible for all demons’’ you decide to humor him.
‘’Don't be silly human' Yoongi waves dismissively his hand ‘’that would make me a god, which i'm not. To be a god i'd need to have a lot more followers and willing sacrifices which i honestly don't have the time for cause you humans are dying at an alarming rate and we have to overwork ourselves.’’ He sends you a nasty glare you decide to ignore.
‘’What would be the solution?’’ you look up from your notes
‘’if they stop fucking misplacing the documents, pens and everything else. Theres a manual where it specifically states that if you put documents on my table it has to be on the right side four centimeters away from the left and three centimeters from the part of the desk thats the closest to you .’’ he rubs his temples with furrowed brows.
‘’Why those numbers specifically?’’
‘’because thats the most efficient way’’ Yoongi answers with a tone that makes you think you asked the world's dumbest question.
‘’They stress me out so much to the point where i feel like screaming every time i see their faces, sometimes i feel like they're doing this on purpose cause when my advisor orders them to do something they'll happily comply. im sure its because of his looks’’ he mutters the last part.
gets stressed out to the point of exhaustion if he doesn't have full control of his environment.
‘’What positive changes would you like to see happen in your life?’’
‘’this is going to sound crazy since i'm satan’’ Yoongi sighs deeply and stares at the dying plant behind you ''but i want things to be more peaceful and right now hell is in utter chaos, as i mentioned earlier a lot of demons are not working, not due that there aren't any jobs but because they still have that old mindset that their only mission in life is to kill humans. Don't get me wrong i could care less about you guys but its my company that has to overwork itself cause of it’’
You raise your eyebrows ‘’don't souls go to hell cause they used to be a sinner?’’
Yoongi scoffs and rolls his eyes ‘’ hell is just another word for the underworld. Souls come down to us to get judgment of their previous life and if they were a goodie two shoes they get sent to heaven by following the holy light that shines down when the gates open up. Though i am glad my advisor was able to negotiate with the angels to let them into heaven cause it was getting overcrowded down there and all the demons we sent up to bring the souls were brutally attacked by them’’
For someone who claims to hate humankind yoongi sure likes and takes his time to explain to you how hell really works. As if you're going to correct anyones assumptions about hell , which by the way you don’t believe that he's satan, there is no actual evidence that demons exist. So you decided a long time ago that you wont believe in such folklore.
You stare at the paper in your lap for a few seconds, raking your brain on what to write down of what he just told you, since you cant compare it to anything logical. The only explanation on why the ''angel's '' would attack yoongi's worker would be that he works in the shady field, you know, like being a drug lord or anything else that isn't accepted in society.
‘’you know’’ you speak up, deciding to document that last part later when you have time to think everything through. ‘’although you are not a god, you're still the most powerful demon in the underworld no?’’
‘’Not exactly, after i fell i became one of the ten kings of hell, mostly because i was the one who contributed the most when it came to establish the underworld. Though i am the one who makes the final decision hence why i get the most workload.’’
‘’hm’’ you hum ‘’it sounds like the reason why you're not being listened to is because you haven't clearly established the hierarchy in your environment’’
‘’I clearly have but they don't-’’
‘’Being the boss does not mean you scream or fuss at your subordinates, but that you reward them for their good work and fire them if it needs to be done’’  you give him an intense look. ‘’With you lashing out shows that you have time to be emotional which means theres time to dilly dally’’
‘’Their reward is a good paycheck’’ Yoongi counters clasping his hands ‘’there are no holidays for us because you humans die whenever its convenient and theres a special regiment that needs to be followed for the souls to either get reincarnated or go to heaven. And firing my workers is out of question’’
‘’Then what about proposing the idea to the others ,of making a trainee department where you recruit people who want or are desperate for money since you said the paycheck is hefty. It would benefit you in the way that , the trainee's can see what working in your department would be like  and then decide if they want to stay or not, and if they stay your workload will sink significantly’’
Yoongi touches his lips for a few times, lost in his thoughts trying to process what you said before he snaps his fingers and points it at you. ‘’Human that is actually a very good idea, do you want to work for me?’’
A feeling similar to disgust washes over you with the way he said human, as if you're lower than him, lower than an insect even and your first instinct is to grimace. Instead you smile, squinting your eyes ever so slightly to give the illusion that the expression is real. ‘’No thank you i'm quite content with my job’’ you politely refuse.
‘’Thats a shame’’ Yoongi shrugs his shoulders ‘’you would fit into the underworld quite well’’
You're not sure if that is a compliment of it he's telling you that you're demonic. Either way you decide to ignore his statement and close the file in your lap. ‘’The session will end in five minutes , but before that i want to ask you, how do you feel now?’’
''Better'' Yoongi answers ‘’less stressed as when i walked in which surprises me , you're quite good  i wouldn't mind the weekly sessions.’’
‘’Thank you’’ you answer ‘’do you have any questions?’’
‘’everything i tell you is confidential right?’’
‘’Yes, unless you've killed someone or are threatening general public i would have to report you but otherwise no one knows anything, even your advisor wont get told what happened in here’’ you reply.
‘’i wouldn't say that’’ Yoongi hums ‘’he has quite a way with words and is able to persuade anyone’’
‘’we'll have to see’’ you retort and take your planner from the small table ‘’is next week on thursday at four o'clock in the afternoon good for you?’’
‘’Yes’’ Yoongi answers as he's looking at the schedule on his phone.
‘’Good’’ you close the planner ‘’before you go i want you do this every time you feel like your anger and stress is getting to you, take deep breaths and slowly count to ten, that should help you calm down a little and think rationally, well talk on how effective it was next week then’’
Yoongi nods and you stand up, walks towards the door and open it. As you turn around to face him you see him standing just a few feet away from the couch starring out of the window, his brows furrowed and his lips tight. He turns around and walks towards you in long strides an hint of annoyance on his face.
‘’I'll see you next week then’’ you stretch out your hand ‘’if something should come up and you’re not able to come please do call and cancel a day before the appointment’’
''Alright '' Yoongi replies and takes your outstretched hand into his
When Yoongi's hand touch your skin your earlier suspicions are confirmed. His hand are icy cold to the point that it feels like your skin is burning at the mere contact. Which is worrying because the only time a human ever has a temperature that low is when they're dying of hypothermia yet the man in front of you looks like he has drank out of the fountain of youth.  
He grips your hand tighter and says in a low voice ‘’be careful in the next few days’’
Not sure if he's warning or threatening you, you blankly stare at him before nodding silently and Yoongi lets go of your hand. Gives you one last glance before he walks out of the room and you close the door. Walking over to your desk you plump into the chair and sigh deeply, you have no idea what that so called warning is about, yet another part of your brain instantly goes to how you thought your apartment was broken in a few days ago. But how can Yoongi even know about that, considering the fact that you've just met an hour ago unless the whole thing about him being satan is actually true.
You shake your head, there is no way Yoongi is satan, sure he looks devilishly good despite the ugly red highlighter colored type of suit he was wearing and the black hair compliments his skin color impeccably. But you're also pretty sure the overlord would have more blood thirst and wouldn't be so merciful like yoongi ,who took his sweet time to explain details about hell to you. Almost coming off like that one kid at a slumber party who corrects the other kids when they state they had fun today , saying since its past twelve it technically ''tomorrow'' hence why they had ''fun yesterday''
Basically a kill joy.
Tapping the pen against the desk for a  few times you snort out loud before putting the utensil down. Its out of question that demons and otherworldly beings are real, so for now in your eyes yoongi's using religion as metaphor for his own life.
Opening the laptop you wait for it to start up so that you can write about the session. After around twenty minutes of you trying to find the right words for the report without making it seem like you made the whole thing up ,you notice the time and shut off your laptop. Looking out of the window you notice that the sky is already dark and snowflakes are falling from the sky.
‘’I hope Christmas comes soon’’ you murmur with a small smile before turning around and taking your jacket from the chair. After wrapping the scarf around your neck and picking up your bag you walk towards the door, shut the light off and exit the room.
Christmas has a special place in your heart. Until you were fourteen you had never experienced Christmas, it was something you'd only see on tv and thats was rarely cause your mom almost never paid the electricity bill. And the only time you did was when you were seven, because your grandmother came and took you away from your delirious mother. Though you cant remember it because you had an accident that was severe enough to wipe out your memories of that entire winter.
After you started working as a waitress and the girls who worked there found out that you never celebrated the holiday they made it a tradition to throw a party after work. Everyone would bring food , cake and gifts and would just have a jolly time. And till to this day you continue on with that tradition.
‘’Im clocking out’’ You say as you arrive at the reception to just to find it empty. Confused you look around until you see secretary Kim coming out of the break room with a cup of coffee.
‘’See you on monday’’ he says in his soothing deep voice and holds the cup higher in salutations. You give him a bright smile and walk out of the praxis.
⤑ ⤑ ⤑ ⤑
The reason why you're standing in the middle of the grocery store is because you still haven't bought food. You don't even have an excuse for it, sure technically your'e now seen as an adult but your mind is still that of an nineteen year old college student who doesn't know what budgeting is. Its pure laziness, the mere thought of having to cook and then wash the pots and pans has you groaning for eternity. Hence why your basket is filled with food that can be cooked under fifteen minutes, such as ramen, bread ,cheese, all types of sweets and of course beer.
The convenient store is relatively empty, besides you there are two other people in it one which is the cashier. Mariya takeuchi's song plays in the background but its not the same melody as you remember it. Its funkier than usual which gives the whole store a weird vibe to it. Stores at night are generally a place where it seems like reality is altered. you know the same way how when you're at your friends house and wake up in the middle of the night and everything just seems like its from another dimension? exactly that.
Putting the last chocolate bar into your basket you walk towards where the cashier is located. The cashier is a tall girl who has turquoise blue hair and a mole underneath her left eye. Her whole demeanor is screaming that she's bored but she doesn't attempt to make small talk with you which is something you appreciate. After paying you bid her goodbye and walk out of the store only to bump into someone.
‘’oh shit sorry’’ you aplogize and take a step back. The person you notice, is a male with a black hoodie on, his eyes weirdly soulless as he glances at you not even bothering to give you a reply yet for unknown reasons the hairs on your neck raise and you get goosebumps.  Scurrying across the parking lot you open your car door and put the bags into the passengers seat. A feeling of paranoia washes over you and you quickly get into the car.
‘’be careful- ''  yoongi's voice rings in your ear and you shake your head.
‘’Im starting to loose my damn marbles’’  you murmur, set the gear into reverse and back out of your spot before driving out of the parking lot , towards home. no music is playing because you feel like if it was on you'd miss clues on if someone is following you, also you can concentrate better that way. Thankfully it doesn't take too long for you to arrive home and you park your car into the spot that was given to you by the landlord of the housing complex.
You tighten the scarf around your neck because the cold wind picks up. Heave your purse over your shoulder as you take the two bags full of food,  close the door and lock it before walking up to the building your apartment is in. As you climb up the stairs you notice how the closer you get to your apartment the louder the thumping sound is.
Its your neighbors. Two boys who love to party constantly, which is really annoying even though they're always very polite to you and sometimes when the partying gets too much, they leave you a token of gratitude for not calling the police on them. Its not all that bad though a pair of ear plugs can solve the problem pretty quick and once you're asleep its like you're dead anyways, well unless someone enters your room thats when you wake up in 0000.3 seconds.
You unlock your apartment door and get inside, take off your shoes and walk into the kitchen. You set the bags on the counter, rip the post it note from the fridge and throw it into the garbage can. You leave one ramen on the counter while you put the food into the cupboard, take a small pot and fill it with water before turning on the stove and walk out the kitchen towards your bedroom. 
Putting on the light you notice that your room actually looks untouched and your sigh relieved. You get out of your clothes, carelessly throwing the on the floor and put your pajama on, which of course are black. You tie your hair into a bun, take your phone and walk back into the living room. Put on the television and realize that the water should be boiling by now. 
you smile slightly when you see the water is indeed boiling,  kind of proud at how accurate your timing is but thats no feat for someone who cooks ramen constantly. Literally after ten minutes the food is cooked and you put water into the pan to ‘’let it soak’’ knowing well that you’re using that an excuse to just not have to wash it now. Taking the bowl you walk over to the living room where you sit on the couch and watch the variety show thats playing on tv. 
Chuckling at the funny reactions of the idols you put the now empty bowl on the small table in front of you and lay down on the couch, your hand underneath the pillow. This position , combined with your full stomach and the temperature of the living room has you growing tired and its just takes a few seconds before you fall asleep. 
⤑ ⤑ ⤑ ⤑
The loud banging on the door wakes you up and alarmed you jump up from the couch. Looking at the clock you see that its eight in the morning and grumble ‘’Who the hell has the nerve to disturb me at ass o clock on a saturday morning somebody better be dying’’
You walk up to the door , open it and see two police officers , whose annoyed expression disappears , in front of you.
‘’ yes?’’ you ask
‘’ma’am we’d like to question you on where you were yesterday when the murder happened next door‘’
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cancerbiophd · 5 years
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hey julia, im really sad because after a year or so of writing for a published paper, the prof analyzing the data found an inconsistency in my database and when he fixed it the new results he got changed the outline of our paper in a big way. i'm still getting primary authorship because i did all the data collecting and initial writing, but pretty much all i wrote is gonna have to be scrapped :( i was really proud of what i wrote and having it go through editing because it was mine (1/2)
(2/2)I feel so disappointed with everything though and i know it’s my first ever real writing experience but i was hoping it would work out a bit better :c im still gonna have access to see how the paper evolves and be invited to the talks about it, but it just isn’t mine anymore and i kind of feel like i failed, i was banking on this paper to apply for grad school because being published gives me an edge but it doesn’t feel like its my work anymore :( what do u do when u have a sad science day?
Oh maria /biiiig hug/ i’m so sorry to hear you’re going through a rough time. it’s ok to feel sad and disappointed because i know it’s tough to watch something you’ve worked so hard on get scrapped like that. but you know what? you’re tougher! and i know you’ll get through this. 
Firstly, give yourself a warm hug for completing the monumental task that is writing a manuscript, regardless of what ended up happening. Finishing something so challenging is not trivial! And you know what, all those experience points you gained by going through this journey are yours to keep. So when it comes to writing another manuscript in grad school, you’ll know exactly what to do! And that’s pretty great, yeah?
Secondly, I know you feel bad, and that’s ok, but I want to slip a note into your thoughts that you have not failed, my friend. You have not failed. Mistakes happen, even to seasoned professionals, because mistakes are a part of life. I guarantee you that every single research lab in existence right now (and have existed) has had to go back to square one or two and start over at some point. And they did, and fixed what needed to be fixed, and then carried on to do great things. Sometimes you gotta erase what’s already on the paper to make room for something more beautiful. 
If you feel this paper doesn’t feel like your baby anymore, that’s ok. I totally understand why you would feel that way, and if squishing and squeezing your emotions into accepting the paper like it was before is adding to the bad feels, then you don’t have to. You can just focus on and own the black and white facts of the paper: the experimental design, the science behind the data, the major conclusions, the impact on society, etc. There doesn’t have to be an emotional attachment to go with it if you don’t want to. 
And you know what, the changes to this paper doesn’t change who you are. Maria: you are still the smart, funny, caring, kind, and passionate person that I’ve gotten to know you as. You’re still the awesome person who took the time to put together the most in-depth and hilaaarious powerpoint of fish and fauna to see while snorkeling in the Bahamas for me. You’re still the brilliant marine biologist who has a (really impressive!) CV that 100% reflects your passion and commitment to your work. You’re still a person who will leave the world a better place, and I know this because you’ve already made my world a better place. I feel so lucky to have you in my life. 
I hope you’re starting to feel better now :) If not, here are some things I do if I have a Bad Science Day:
Cry it out. There’s an odd sort of comfort that comes after a good cry. So sometimes if I feel like I’ve been holding back, I exhale softly and let it all out. It doesn’t solve anything, I know, but I do feel a teeny bit better and a teeny bit more whole. 
Write it out. Something I’ve learned about myself is that my brain tends to over-exaggerate things when it’s just swirling thoughts. But when I write it out and everything gets organized, it turns out things aren’t so bad after all. So give it a go, either in a word doc, an actual journal, or even a tumblr post (that you don’t have to publish, of course). 
Talk it out. Related, going on a verbal rant (or even written rant to someone) helps in a similar way. Even if it’s in private to my favorite stuffed animal or a pet. Just anything to get the thoughts out!
Listen to “comfort” music. I have a playlist of my all-time favorite songs and I listen to it on the drive home and I always feel a lil better. It’s hard to not feel a little happy and carefree when your favorite jam comes on. 
Sleep it off. Sometimes all I need is a good night’s sleep (or even a nap) to clear my head. Also I love sleeping, so it always feels good no matter what. 
Do something comforting. Anything to release those sweet sweet endorphins. My ideas of comforting routines are: eating whatever I’m craving at the moment, watching a favorite TV show or movie (usually something I’ve already seen), curling up with a good book or magazine, scrolling through Tumblr, doing my nails, hugging my dog and/or husband until I feel better, and walking around Homegoods, my favorite store (I’d honestly live there if I could). Doing these things also helps in that it takes my mind off whatever’s bothering me, even temporarily. 
Give myself a pep talk. Ok, oddly enough, the pep-talk-voice in my head is Gordon Ramsay. I don’t know how it manifested as him, but when he’s not yelling at chefs to get their shit together, he has a really encouraging and soothing voice! Anyway, sometimes he sits me down and tells me that everything is going to be ok, and here’s what we do next alright? Just one step at a time ok? That’s it. Good job. Good job. 
Just keep working. Sometimes my Bad Science Day starts at 9 AM in the morning, or it’s just a continuous Bad Science Week/Month/Year. So I put those feelings on hold and just stick to my schedule and try to be as productive as I can. Because even if Experiment 1 didn’t work, Experiment 2 might, and if it does, I’ll feel a little better! And if Experiment 2 doesn’t work, well, at least I finished it, and I’ll still feel a little better! And in any case, my projects aren’t gonna do themselves, no matter how I feel. So in the wise words of Dory: “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming!”
I talk to my PI. I’m super lucky to have an understanding PI, and I’ve talked to her about my frustrations on more than one occasion and she’s worked with me to come up with good solutions, or have said things to make me feel better. PIs are full of wisdom from experiencing their own fair share of Bad Science Days so they have lots of advice on how to feel better, such as looking at my results a different way so it goes form :( to :)
I let the passing of time lessen the hurt. Time doesn’t always heal, but it does make things that were terrible at the moment not so bad anymore. So if nothing else makes me feel better, at least I know “this too shall pass”. 
I hope this helps. I know things are ugh right now, but you’re going to be ok. And I’m here for you, ok? Feel free to reach out via chat or email. I would very much like to help you feel better
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