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intricate-oeuvre · 5 years

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say it before you run out of time || B. Hardy

part I part II part III part IV part V part VI part VII part VIII part IX part X part XI part XII part XIII

Word count: 1.2k

Summary: Ben and the reader have been friends since childhood. And along the way reader falls in love with him. But it might be too late when another girl shows up claiming that she’s his girlfriend.

Warnings: nothing really (for now), horrible writing, the good ol’ friends to lovers story line

A/n: everyone is probably waiting on other updates from me but I give you this, sorry. If you want to be be tagged in next chapter hmu

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sometimes only knowing someone can hurt enough that you wished you didn’t know them in first place. And to top it all off, why not become best friends with them and fall for them along the way.

You had known Ben since you were twelve and he was fifteen. At that time, you had thought that the only reason why he let you stick around was because you weren’t like other girls. You enjoyed boy company far more than girl company. You loved fast sports cars, all technology advancements, sports and such things. You weren’t scared to get dirty if it could bring a lot of fun. And maybe that’s the reason why Ben and his friends let you hang around more than other girls.

You loved him to death. In the most platonic meaning of the word.

Until three moths before his big breakthrough role.

That’s when you realised that it might be something more than platonic friendship love. Yeah, it was one-sided, as far as you knew, but you let your hidden hopeless romantic self, tell yourself that there may be small fraction in him that maybe, possibly, slightly or unsurely might love you back. Your stomach started to do flips whenever he called you sweetheart, love, darling. That shouldn’t happen if you two were only friends.

But you kept it all to yourself. Only blurting your crush on him to two of your best-friends once you all got shit-faced.

“Whichever girl will capture his heart, will be the luckiest girl ever.” You told Rose and Maddie that night while looking down at your drink.

“You mean yourself?” Maddie grinned at you.

“Have you seen the boy? He’s literal angel and I’m just the girl with who he occasionally plays football. That’s mostly it.” you said downing a shot.

“Can you imagine the kids they would have? His hair and y/n eyes?! Yes, please.” Rose turned to Maddie.

“Can you imagine making ones with him?” Maddie giggled at you from behind of her glass.

“Don’t get me started on that...” you rolled your eyes.

“Oh my God! You have! Bloody hell!” Rose laughed as her eyes grew big.

Yeah, well, who wouldn’t wonder about being under such man? And because of that you swore that it was the last time they let you become this drunk.

And now you were dying student, desperately trying to get that degree in architecture. Ben was away most of the time and you two saw each other more rarely than you’d like to admit. You fucking missed him. And when you had learned from his friends that he was coming home after one of his six-month filming sprees, you were thrilled. And scared. Because every time you saw him, you could feel yourself falling in love with him even more deeply. Noticing every small detail about him, be it his tattoo of lion snout, his haircut changes, that little thing he did with his tongue when he laughed. All the little gestures he made towards you. They all were of innocent nature, but yet they still left you overthinking things. It sounded stupid, but here you were. Falling for the guy who won’t be there to catch you.

As you were starting to plan his surprise party, you needed to make some arrangements. Since Ben had given you a spare key to his place – if something unfortunate happened and you were thrown out of dorms on street, you were more than welcomed to come to his place. Usually you didn’t go there when Ben wasn’t around, but since you needed somethings ready for the party, you had taken all your courage and scouted to his safe place.

Walking in his home felt as if you had left it just yesterday. But it has been more than seven months since you have been here. Last time it was because Ben wanted to have one last get-together with friends before leaving. You all had gone drinking that night and later half of you went back to Ben’s place to continue the party. You still freshly remembered how Ben’s left arm was around your waist as you all stumbled to his place. In other hand he had cigarette as he was chatting with his mates. You still recall every time his hand would dig in your hip when he stepped to his right and pulled you with him. At the time you had grown quiet, your friends talking on your left about some cat-fight that had taken place at girl’s restroom back at pub.

“Hey. You’re alright?” Ben had asked upon noticing your silence and taking a drag from his cig.

“Perfect.” You smiled up at him. Thankful for the darkness that hid your blush.

“Good. You needed to take a break. It’s good for you.” He said landing a small kiss to your hair. Only making your heart skip a beat, hoping he didn’t notice.

With that small memory, you unlocked his house. Quietly, you stepped in and putted your bag on the floor. It looked as if he had left only this morning. Walking down the hall to the guest room where you were planning on staying, you looked at the opposite door. Ben’s bedroom.

And even seeing only door, brought back memories.

You had studied at his place one time. Since your roommates back at dorms where gone out and you didn’t feel like staying alone. Ben was sitting on his bed with laptop in his lap, probably checking work related stuff, while you were sitting on the floor. Sheets and sheets of papers sprawled around you as you stared at them and tried to trace sketches and plans for houses.

“You’ll build me one when you graduate.” Ben had said, not looking up.

“You mean, make a plan and design for one?” You corrected and looked up at him.

“Yeah, yeah.” He finally looked at you too.

“Maybe.” You smiled and looked down.

“Is that a yes or no?” he teased.

“It’s a maybe. First I need to finish this.” You smiled at him.

“I’ll hold you to it, love.” He grinned. That made your breath get caught in your throat.

And now, slowly opening only a fraction in the doors to his room, you glanced in. Everything seemed to be in almost pedantic order except for something on the bed. You walked in and took a closer look at the neatly folded piece of clothing. It was Ben’s sweater. Ben’s yellow sweater that you loved so much. Gently reaching for it you smiled to yourself. This boy had you good. Taking the article of clothing with you, you exited his room in hopes of having quiet evening, so you could pick up Ben from airport tomorrow afternoon.

But your plans were ruined when you heard turning of the lock in the doors around 9pm. With alarmed look on your face you waited for doors to open. When the person behind the door realised that the doors where unlocked, they came in.

“Hello?” You asked carefully, glancing at your bag still on the floor and thinking what you could use for self-defense.

“You must be Y/n.” girl said walking in.

“Do I know you?” you raised eyebrow at her.

“I’m Nina. Ben’s girlfriend.” The Nina said.

#ben hardy #ben hardy imagine #ben hardy fanfic #ben hardy x reader #ben hardy x y/n #ben hardy x you #friends to lovers #sibyroot series #part one #bohemian rhapsody #queen #xmen #mary shelley #woman in white

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saveyourheartforme · 4 years

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The Entire Folklore Storyline Pieced Together

so I’ve given it some thought and I think this is how the Folklore story comes together.

Disclaimers: obviously this is my interpretation I could be 100% wrong and am open to suggestions

also some fragments of this have come from twitter/instagram/other tumblr posts ive read over the past few days but I put the pieces together on my own (if this has been said already by someone else im so sorry and full credit to you but i havent read a full theory anywhere else yet <3)

our story starts with seven: betty is young and completely naive. the summer she is seven years old she meets Inez, who has an abusive father, hence the part

“And I've been meaning to tell you I think your house is haunted Your dad is always mad and that must be why And I think you should come live with me And we can be pirates Then you won't have to cry”

they become incredibly close that summer because inez spends a ton of time at betty’s house to escape her father. they cease to be friends at some point after the end of this song due to the fact that they developed feelings for each other but were too scared to be public with a relationship (”hide in the closet” line). betty starts to date james in high school.

cardigan: we pretty much already know that this is betty’s POV of the love triangle situation and the heartbreak she feels about the breakup and being cheated on. however i have a theory that betty was in love with inez and james was there to fill that void she felt after losing her friendship with inez and hence the hope that it would become more. hear me out. references to “heels” and “black lipstick” which are associated more with girls. “playing hide of seek” seems childlike, which is a reference to the time betty and inez spent together in “seven”. finally, “when you are young they assume you know nothing” could reference the fact that adults often tell kids they’re too young to know their sexuality. the song is also about james though, the song in its entirety symbolizes how the people betty thinks she can trust the most and who love her the most (james, inez) both betray her. hence the mingled references to both james and inez

august: the POV of Inez. she develops stronger feelings for james than she intended. however she also has feelings for betty but never told her. the song is a double reference to the summers she would spend with betty when she was young and they were exploring their sexualities with one another and her being with james. i think that maybe she only got with james at first because she wanted to ruin his relationship with betty out of jealousy but fell for james accidentally in the process

betty: the POV of james, who has no idea about the history between inez and betty. the reason why betty doesn’t “believe a word [Inez] says” is because they have fractured trust after the end of their friendship. however inez feels guilty about betraying betty and tells her about her and james. james is trying to win her forgiveness in this song by showing up at a party betty is having at her house. betty tentatively forgives james but does not get back together with him and permanently terminates her friendship with inez. james is heartbroken that betty wont get back with him.

this is me trying: james continues to try and win betty over again. he starts drinking to make himself feel better and begins to do badly in school (”i got wasted like all my potential”). however he really puts in effort to get betty back

mirrorball: inez reflects on her life. living with her abusive father made her desperate to be loved/cared for. so she “change[s] everything about [her] to fit in” just so she can get that affection. essentially she becomes who she thinks people want her to be to get the love she never got from her father. betty and james were both people who she felt like she could be herself around (”you are not like the regulars”). at the end when she talks about performing to keep them looking at her it is about how she desperately wanted to keep them both. unfortunately she lost both of them

between songs betty decides to get back with james and they get married. they genuinely love each other. inez moves to st louis.

invisible string: the honeymoon phase of james and bettys relationship after marriage. they think they are meant to be together and everything that happened was meant to happen. also addresses how james and betty met when they were young (betty would read at the park and james worked across the street from the park in a yogurt shop and they would run into one another)

peace: their relationship hits a rough patch. their “coming of age has come and gone”. the honeymoon period is over. james says he “never had strength in his convictions as long as dangers near” meaning he has a hard time staying faithful. he does love her but makes a lot of mistakes (including talking shit with his friends about her) basically this song is a warning but solidifies that he loves her regardless of what happens

illicit affairs: james cheats again. also could be inez reflecting on her affair with james from a more mature lens now that shes older. she feels a lot of regret about it

mad woman: betty finds out about james cheating a second time and is obviously pissed. james tries to spin it so she forgives him but she’s done.

exile: same time as mad woman: talks about how they both feel loss at the end of their relationship

james marries the woman he cheated on betty with but he still loves betty and the marriage is short lived

hoax: betty is completely heartbroken over everything that has happened to her. she feels really alone and still wants to cling to the love james felt for her. she looks for signs and reasons to go back to him but finds none.

james joins the military after his second divorce with the woman he cheated with. betty moves to st louis (yes the city inez lives in)

the 1: betty heals from her past and becomes confident in herself again. the line “i thought i saw you at the bus stop i didn’t though is her seeing inez but thinking its impossible. she reflects on her past feelings for both james and inez. eventually her and inez run into each other and rekindle their friendship. they discuss their past together (” it wouldve been fun if you wouldve been the one”) they are happy being friends. they are each others “chosen family”

epiphany: james dies in battle while in the army, but thinks of betty for the rest of his life and regrets what happened

my tears ricochet: betty finds out about james’ death in combat and is completely heartbroken even though she thought she was over him (”if im dead to you why are you at the wake cursing my name wishing id stayed” = betty mourning him despite saying she didnt care anymore and wishing theyd stayed together). betty feels haunted by james now and regrets a lot that happened

the last great american dynasty: after this event betty needs a change. she begins to go by her full name (rebekah) and moves to rhode island. she meets the heir to standard oil and marries him. the marriage is loveless but they have fun together. he dies leaving her with a lot of money and holiday house. she is done living for other people and starts to do literally whatever tf she wants. one of the “bitch pack friends from the city” she brings in is inez. they were never romantic after their youth but their friendship is just as amazing and fulfilling.

feel free to leave comments saying what you agree/disagree with or to add stuff. i might just be crazy and reading into this wayyyyy to much tbh. regardless the album is incredible and im so grateful for it :)

#taylor swift #taylornation #folklore #@taylorswift #@taylornation

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cinnabea · 5 years

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hospital flight

did another twitter thread my beauties, this one I’m pretty happy with! It’s bkdk, 2k, canon-compliant, light angst, some action, and a buttload of fluff.

the thread is here, and it’s formatted for the character limits, but I’ve put the full text under the cut for your convenience.

“I really hate it here,” Izuku said, picking at the flimsy hospital gown he was all-too-used to wearing. “Sometimes I feel like I spend fewer nights in my own bed.”

“So leave.”

Izuku blinked. “Kacchan, I'm not cleared yet. I won't be discharged until at least tomorrow.”

Kacchan shrugged. “So what? You're fine. Leave.”

“I-- What? Kacchan, you can't be serious.” Izuku frowned, unsure if he was just missing the joke or if Kacchan really meant it. It was weird enough that the other boy was even still there.

Visiting hours were just about up, and Kacchan had lingered longer than any of his other classmates. It twirled something warm in his chest. Sure, their relationship had been knitting itself back toward something resembling friendship, but it was still unexpected.

He was probably only here to yell at Izuku. ‘Stop being so reckless, shitty nerd! Get better faster so it won't be meaningless when I stomp you into the dirt.’ Something like that.

Kacchan sneered, “I'm always serious, asshole,” before abruptly ripping the IV line out of Izuku's hand.

Izuku yelped.

“What the hell, Kacchan!?” Izuku cradled his stinging hand to his chest, watching dumbly as the blond strode over to the window and threw it open.

“Since you can't do anything for yourself--” Kacchan returned, deftly discarding the hospital blanket from Izuku's lap. “I guess I just have to do it for you.”

And without further ado, he scooped Izuku off of the bed and tossed him over his shoulder.

“Kacchan!” Izuku cried out, scrabbling weakly at the broad back he was draped against, upside-down. There was a reason he was in the hospital!! Entirely drained, he had no hope of stopping Kacchan physically. So he tried with his words.

“What are you doing?! Put me down!”

“Nah,” was the reply.

Kacchan moved over to the open window, and Izuku's heart flew into his stomach. Was Kacchan going to throw him out from three floors up?!

But Kacchan stepped himself up onto the sill, and without another word stepped out into the night.

Wind whistled in Izuku's ears for a heart-stopping moment as they fell to earth. Kacchan slowed their descent with his thrusters, but it was awkward, sloppy - likely because he had to manage keeping Izuku on his shoulder at the same time. They hit the ground hard.

Izuku's brain hadn't time to catch up - it was still three stories above them - when Kacchan spun him down into a princess carry and took off running.

Izuku couldn't help it.

He laughed.

“Kacchan!!”

Kacchan had Izuku pressed close to his chest, and Izuku's face was similarly pressed into the other boy's neck.

Izuku's heart was racing. That burnt sugar scent, the proximity, the absolute thrill of being kidnapped by Kacchan made him giddy as they flew through the streets.

The thrill of being--

of being--

“Kacchan,” Izuku squeezed out, mind racing. “A-aren’t you worried about breaking rules? Getting in trouble??”

“I’d break all the rules for you, Izuku!”

Izuku's blood turned to ice in his veins.

Absurdly, the first thing his panicking brain spun up was that Kacchan hadn't stayed late with him. He hadn't come to visit him in the hospital at all.

Of course he hadn't.

Izuku didn't fight against Kacchan in the hospital, but like hell he wasn't going to fight now.

He twisted, pulling hard on the neck under his arms and throwing their weight off balance. They stopped running, but Izuku was still firmly in the fake's clutches.

Fingers dug harshly into Izuku's side and leg as the doppelganger adjusted, stumbling only briefly before righting himself.

Izuku cried out in pain.

“Let me go!”

“That wasn't very nice, Izuku!”

The strong arms around him crushed Izuku tightly to Fake-Kacchan's chest.

Izuku struggled, but he was exhausted; One for All burned under his skin but he didn't have the energy to call it up. He had to think of something! Think, Izuku, think!!

“Oi!”

Izuku's heart stopped.

The voice was the same as the one belonging to the blond holding him, but it was distant, came from behind--

“Drop the nerd, shithead.”

“Kacchan,” Izuku whispered.

Sure enough, now there were two Kacchans standing in the dark, deserted street.

This one looked a lot angrier.

His palms crackled as he advanced.

“Aw, that's no fun,” the first whined, sticking out his lip in a very un-Kacchan-like way. “You sure you don't just wanna play with him together? Bet he'd like that!”

The fake flipped up the edge of Izuku's hospital gown, flashing his bare hip at Kacchan.

Izuku socked him in the jaw.

Without OfA and with the past few days’ events still dragging heavily on his body, there wasn't much power behind it; more of a clip than a proper uppercut. But it did the job - Fake Kacchan staggered, and Real Kacchan closed in.

In a flash, Izuku hit the asphalt, his bandages stopping only some of the scrapes from blooming across his skin. They burned, sure, but Izuku had suffered far worse.

He rolled out of the way.

Literal sparks began to fly. Kacchan vs. Kacchan, explosion vs. explosion. But it became very quickly apparent that only one of them truly knew how to use the quirk, and Real Kacchan gained the upper hand within minutes.

In a comic book, it would have been hard to tell them apart. ‘I'm the real Kacchan!’ They'd say. Or. ‘I'm the real Katsuki?’ What would Kacchan say that would be the dramatic tip-off for Izuku, gleaned only from their strong bond forged over a lifetime together?

“Oi, Shitty Deku, look alive!”

The Kacchans came barrelling toward him, and Izuku had to scramble with a squawk to avoid getting squished.

“Nooo, sweet Izuku would look so much better if we hit him!!”

It wasn't hard to tell them apart in reality.

Separating violently, the fake began stomping his feet. “No, no, no! You ruined it! Agh!! Hey, hotshot, can I get some more of your blood? I'm outta time!” His face horrifyingly began to melt, dripping down his jaw and revealing that it was, in fact her jaw.

Toga Himiko.

“Fuck off,” Kacchan snarled, spreading his arms wide into an attack stance.

“Okay!” she chirped, bouncing up and down on her toes. “Bye!”

And she ran off into the darkness.

Kacchan started after her like he meant to pursue, but halted, eyeing Izuku still crumpled on the cold ground.

With a huff, he stalked back over.

Izuku jolted up to standing, but the sudden movement left him light-headed and dizzy, and blacked out his vision. He tipped over.

And Kacchan caught him.

Kacchan. Caught him.

“The hell, Deku? How'd you get tricked by some shitty fake?”

His words were angry but he sounded.. hurt.

Hot hands on Izuku's arms, gunpowder and caramel and smoke, and oh, how could Izuku have ever thought that Toga was genuine?

Because the smell was right but the eyes, how had he not seen it in the eyes?

Kacchan's intense, wild, eyes; rubies dipped in fire and blood, burning with a fury and a brightness that left Izuku breathless.

This was Kacchan. No one else even came close.

Izuku turned away, his face hot. “It was too late by the time I figured it out,” he mumbled.

“Tch,” Kacchan scoffed, snatching his hands back and shoving them into his pockets. “Can you walk?”

“Um.” Izuku looked down at his bare, bleeding feet under wobbly legs. “Yes?”

Kacchan scowled.

“Stupid idiot,” he muttered, before roughly sweeping Izuku right off of his scuffed-up feet.

Izuku's heart had never beat so fast.

He was in the same bridal position as he had just been in while being held by Toga-Kacchan. But these arms were different.

If Kacchan had ever held Izuku before, there would have been no way he would have been tricked by that fake.

Strong, unyielding. Rough. Gentle.

Izuku was falling rapidly and he had nothing to cling to to stop it. Nothing but those hard-earned muscles cradling him.

Burying his burning face in his own hands, Izuku desperately tried to stop himself from coming undone in his rival's arms. He had whiplash from everything that had just happened. What was wrong with him? Was he just in shock?

Kacchan had rescued him like some helpless maiden, and now he was acting like one, falling in love with his hero!

Falling in--

Falling--

“Earth to Deku.”

“Ehh?!”

“I said, you got a fever or something? You're hot as fuck.”

Izuku groaned.

��M'fine, Kacchan. Just. Embarrassed,” Izuku pushed out. “Sorry for the trouble. Sorry you had to.. fight yourself.”

Kacchan grunted, and began walking. “It's whatever. Like I was gonna let some shitty extra with my face take you.”

Izuku's heart fluttered.

“H-how did you find me, anyway?”

“Saw your ass go flying out the window. And somehow mine, too.”

The ward Izuku was staying in didn't face the front of the hospital, the visitor's lot, or anywhere where people would naturally loiter. It opened up to little more than an alley.

How could Kacchan have seen him?

But more importantly..

“You were at the hospital?”

Kacchan was quiet.

The incident that landed Izuku in the hospital had been an attack on a theater, where he had been seeing a show with his mother.

Izuku had tangled with the villain alone, and had barely made it out with his life. But thankfully no one else had been hurt aside from a few minor bumps and scrapes.

None of their other classmates had been there.

It was just Izuku.

When "Kacchan" had shown up at the hospital with Kirishima, Izuku had been surprised - but assumed their boisterous friend had dragged Kacchan with him.

When "Kacchan" had stayed, even after everyone had left, Izuku had been elated.

When "Kacchan" hadn't been Kacchan at all, it damn near broke his heart.

But Kacchan, real Kacchan, had been at the hospital after all. Not to see anyone else and not dragged by friends.

“Kacchan, why were you lurking outside my window?”

Kacchan flinched, jostling Izuku in his arms.

“Sh-shut up, you shitty nerd! I wasn't doing anything like that!”

Even in the dark, illuminated only by soft streetlights, Izuku could see the pink coloring Kacchan's cheeks from his vantage point. Red eyes flicked down before deliberately looking away. Kacchan's scowl deepened.

“Shitty nerd,” he repeated, grumbling.

Izuku couldn't help the tears welling up in his eyes, even as a wobbly smile spread over his face. “You came to see me?”

“Shut. Up,” Kacchan hissed between clenched teeth. “Or I'll leave you in the damn gutter!”

Fully smiling, Izuku scrubbed at his face. His chest felt unbearably full. If this was love his heart couldn't have picked a better target. Knowing he was pushing his luck, he tentatively let his cheek rest against one firm pectoral.

Kacchan didn't drop him.

“..Why didn't you come up?” Izuku asked after a minute of biting his tongue.

“What'd I just say?”

Izuku pressed his lips together. He didn't want to be left in the gutter.

Kacchan sighed.

“Didn't think you'd want to see me,” he muttered.

“What?!” Izuku squawked. “Why wouldn't I want to see you??”

Kacchan's feet slowed to a stop, and he looked down at Izuku in his arms with an odd expression.

“You asked if I wanted to see that stupid show and I told you to go fuck yourself.”

Oh.

Honestly, Izuku had barely remembered that had happened. He never expected Kacchan would say yes, but they were both home for the weekend, and he figured he'd ask anyway.

Did Kacchan feel guilty that he wasn't at the theater?

“I still wanted to see you,” Izuku said quietly.

Kacchan grimaced. “Idiot. Stupid idiot who can't keep himself out of the damn hospital when some small fry attacks. If I had been there it woulda been different.”

Izuku hummed, closing his eyes. “Sure, Kacchan.”

“Oi, what's that supposed to mean?”

“It means don't beat yourself up. Well. Unless it's Toga.”

“Tch,” Kacchan spat, resuming his walk. “Cheeky little shit.”

Izuku smiled, peeking up through his lashes. “Thanks, Kacchan. For saving me. And for coming to see me. In your own way.”

“Whatever!!” Kacchan sputtered.

Kacchan was blushing furiously and Izuku felt like his heart was going to explode. In a good way.

“Where are we going, by the way?”

“Back to the hospital, useless Deku.”

“Oh. I hate it there.”

Kacchan snorted.

“Tough shit.”

-END-

#bakudeku #katsudeku #my writing #twitter thread #bkdk

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princeyadon · 6 years

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im like 80% unhappy w my entire plot outline for ask-andante but ive sunk so much of myself into it that i cant stop now---

ill never reboot a blog. i wouldn't just up and delete 3 years worth of posts and myself learning because im now unhappy the more i learn abt storytelling

id have to start over again anyways and build up everything again, and tbh, i dont even have that kind of time.

im hoping the blog i do after will be better paced, better planned out, and have more substance in the content

and ill be the damn first to gripe on my blog and its content

mini spoilers, most of which will be brought up in canon sometime this week or the next anyways

As much as I wouldn’t rewrite my entire story, nor would I reboot the blog, I’d fucking loooove to retcon specific posts. I’ve gone back and actually edited a few but I still don’t appreciate the way they portrayed characters.

ask-andante’s biggest short-coming is where i decided to start the story (an unfortunate result of planning on just having a comedy blog that id abandon in a week). it’s much later in his life and all the learning and excitement and character development andante’s gone through is already over. i understand this to be a major reason for why the side characters tend to be much more interesting than him, as they’re growing and learning, and are willing to learn. andante’s personality type is kind of hard to play as a main character.

i also know celtia’s sudden turn to be honest is still really.. sudden. it kind of comes from no where when you read it. i really really want to address this w him before i close his arc, so it can at least be explained. i think i might be able to find an opening for it in an ask soon.

andante would especially do better if he had someone to play off of, someone he likes to interact with... but unfortunately w the way ive set everything up, if he did have someone like that on the blog (as in a character of mine and not someone else’s), things would go much differently and i dont feel like rewriting everything.

i could potentially find a way to insert a character like this, but id have to write them out and develop them, along w backstories, motivation, goals, future, and even just a reason to be friends w Andante. Celtia’s reasonings make more sense. He wasn’t aware of what Andante was like, and w him using Aroma Therapy, never got to see that his dangerous side was serious because he would diffuse situations before they could escalate. Save for the DJ post, and attacking him. He did mention he was going to leave if it happened again, I suppose. But that’s who Celtia is, he’s starved for attention and approval, the whole reason he disguised his looks was because he wanted to be perfect and attractive, he wanted that approval from people. He figured Andante was just some edge lord who would come around, and he was so desperate to have that.

A lot of Celtia’s older posts are too edgy and I’d love to rewrite those so he was less like Andante abt the whole thing---to put it one way. It was understandable he was having panic attacks, and was extremely defensive abt his Perfect Presentation being destroyed after he had won friendships and approval from askers. But I just really don’t like the way he comes off in them. I wish he looked more frightened, rather than angry. I also wish I hadn’t supported the fuckin ship so much, i went back and deleted a lot of the boyfriendy tags, but admittedly there was a bit of pressure from the community. Nothing direct, i cant pin this blame on any one person and i never will as it was my fault, but i noticed how many more notes the andanstilbe posts got and how many people liked the ship that i kept forcing it, hoping to receive that approval myself

Back again to a character for Andante to play off of--w his next few major arcs, it’s even harder to get a character in that balances out Andante while also positively interacting w him. Andante’s goals aren’t good goals, and he’ll go through any length of sacrificing others for them, and getting a level headed, down to earth, or positive/upbeat character not to try and stop Andante would be difficult without coming up w some strange reason why they don’t. If anyone tried to stop Andante, he’d kill them as they’d be “betraying” him... you can see why writing Andante’s interactions can be fuckin difficult, because of the way he is from recent events (which will have a portion of an arc dedicated to those events), he is much too quick to cut ties and literally kill people because he’s afraid of betrayal/heartbreak.

Overall, I worry for the content of the blog to be just another boring gore fest or whatever, with no real character development or world development tied into it. Actually, it’s literally just one arc that I’m worried for because of this, but I don’t want this arc to ruin a lot of the “story” I have set up.

I also don’t like how everyone is all talk, and there’s nothing actually going on. I get that it’s because Celtia’s arc is going on rn, and his is just getting into his past before he’s gone... which, it can’be helped too much that it’s all talk since it’s going back into the past and all... but that’s what this whole blog has been.

i guess i could pull a 2yr anni, and instead of just regular flash backs and all talk, we actually go back to those eras and have them as semi interactable. I really need to take into consideration the format i am using to tell this story, the fact it’s an ask blog and interactive and not a comic or whatever. But characters would all need to be like voices or doubts, or generic characters from the time period--depending on where these events take place.

I could always have that happen and then only specific times in the past are interactable, and every now and then it breaks away into something streamlined... As much as I’d like to not create a barrier between plot and asks anymore than I have in the past, I can’t have everything weirdly interactable you know?? If it’s a past event that’s already happened? But it’d be better than the character staring at the floor talking like it’s ask-a-therapist over here

i wish i could rant more abt my own fuckin blog but id be getting too into major spoilers over it.

at this point, im just happy if the blog serves as a fun read rather than anything serious, and is good entertainment value. it’s my first story ive even tried to go through with, and i should respect that a bit more and accept it for what it is, and when i try again i will have put these ideas to better use.

#its just one of those things #where you realize #wow ive spent almost 3 years on what ive done #lets assume it takes me abt 6 years to finally finish an entire story #how many more would i have in me??#would i be willing to continue this format or story telling at all when im like 30??#if be abt 25 if it ended in 3 years #i know if i have those worries i should accept my losses and do something abt the blogs plot #or scrap it and move on with better ideas and better ways of going about things #but i really cant dude this blog is my life lmfao #id need an entire couple days to revamp the plot to fix major issues i have #and thatd make the plot longer which is my biggest issue w doing that #i just dont really have the time to finish like 3 extra arcs because i did something wrong andneed to fix it in post #ANYWAYS #i have more grievances BUUTT #its just a fucking ask blog dude #text #long post #andante related #semi comp #rip mobile users lmao

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seaboundd · 7 years

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im kind of bummed because I really wanted to see one of my best friends from high school but I dont see it happening because im leaving in two days and i have my sisters bridal shower. We were supposed to meet up earlier in the week and she sort of never got back to me/it never happened. And i mean we’re close, but its frustrating that we’ve grown apart from us both being busy and so far apart.

She’s gotten really close over the past couple years to two girls who used to be my best friends in middle school and part of high school. things ended badly between us, and its absolutely behind us but its still unpleasant to think about. it hurts losing my friend to people who treated me so badly. granted, i was upset and young and there was one or two things i shouldve handled better. but these girls made my life a living hell and out of nowhere completely blacklisted me.

i lost almost all of my friends my sophomore year of high school because of these two girls. From my understanding, the one got jealous that i was becoming so close to the other. the same thing happened with two other girls in our friend group before me. when it happened to me, they were basically like “yea, me too”. D and R have been friends since elementary school, so once someone got too close to D, R got jealous and they both turned on them. I found texts calling me a bitch, they made a video calling me a dyke, they excluded me from everything, pulled my friends away from me, and straight up ignored my existence at times, save for when they made fun of me. i used to sit with them at lunch and they would literally turn away from me and when i spoke, act like nothing happened. i got close to other girls, including my current friend J, because D and R treated me so awfully.

my sophomore year where they suddenly cut me off was one of the worst of my life. my grandpa died two days before christmas and my grandma had died the year before. i was dealing with severe depression that i had never experienced before and didnt know how to manage. i was suicidal and self harming. i was experiencing anxiety and panic attacks for the first time. my dads alcoholism was taking a massive toll on my family.

but no one, save for a few people, ever believed me because D and R were so well liked. i went for years with people thinking i was this bad person who ruined something when honestly, and its sort of pathetic to think of it now, i was desperate to win them back and hold onto our friendship. I wouldve done anything and i was essentially begging for an explanation or some kind of closure. D and i were so incredibly close. we wanted to play music together, go to college near each other. she was the closest friend ive ever had in my life. she was the first person i opened up to about my home life and my feelings of depression and anxiety.

i have been lucky enough to make great networks of friends in every place ive been. there are still people i talk to and see from high school. im still very close with people i met in ireland. i still have many friends from scranton. and ive made a lot of amazing friends in wilmington.

but looking back at the friendship i had with D and R, man. something about that still hurts a little part of my heart because they both meant so much to me. Ive seen R and shes acted pretty civil to me and ive hung out with D through J when ive been home a couple times and its been nice. but its very obvious that there is still a little bit of tension there, realizing that we used to be so incredibly close and it ended so badly, and for horrible reasons. i sometimes wonder if they ever regret what happened and how it happened. i remember torturing myself for years wondering, and wanting to just confront them and ask WHY once i graduated. but i never did.

so i cant help but get anxiety when i see how close theyve gotten. it makes me feel inadequate. it makes me feel the way i did in high school, where my character was questioned and i was outcasted by my friends.

ive had a hard time with anxiety regarding my friendships because im so far away. i love where i live and want to stay there, but im always scared of losing what i have up north because im not present.

i live 10 hours away in north carolina. theyre all up here. D, J, and R all just went to LA together and honestly i just feel like a bad person and friend. when im home, its not for long and i usually dont have a car. J is always going to be a close friend of mine, and we’ve talked about how we stay close even when we arent always in contact and its fine. its just that deep rooted anxiety and memories that are associated with situations like this and these people. i guess i go on the defense.

i havent ranted on tumblr in a while and i needed it. just some mindless rambling, just because things in my life have been so uncertain and catapulting between amazing and crap. im just trying to find some stable ground

#rant #a weird one #about high school #and old high school friends

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