#kisame kid

[sharkb497]

Old and new Kisa's family

#naruto #akatsuki #kisame akatsuki #kisame hoshigaki #kisame naruto #my draws #sketches #digital fanart #love him #hoshigaki kisame #kisame #kittycat #meow #kisaita #itakisa #itachi uchiha #itachi naruto #itachi akatsuki #naruto oc #oc #oc art #my ocs #kisame kid

[snuggleboots]

Akatsuki parents? Akatsuki parents.

because I like shoehorning my experiences into my ninja bullshit. Hope y'all enjoy my rambling. : )

Feat. Hidan, Kakuzu, Kisame, Itachi.

Hidan ends up a girl-dad, and a proud one at that, given your daughter is a complete fucking gremlin, just like him. An aggressive toddler that looks like a tiny little sweetheart, with chubby cheeks, gorgeous violet eyes framed by the prettiest eyelashes you'd ever seen, and hair that looks like a carbon copy of your own. Her little smiles are a mixed bag, and you never know whether to expect cute baby affection or chaos that no toddler her size should realistically be capable of bringing into existence.

Nobody expects it when she toddles on up, all tiny, squishy hands and 'awwww, hug?'s, only to turn on a dime and start biting, smacking, or pinching- all while wearing a huge grin that she must have inherited from her dad, or giggling like a squeaky hinge. Babysitters do not last, Hidan finds absolutely nothing more hilarious than seeing another one leave haggard and never pick up jobs from either of you again.

She's a natural climber, knows no fear, and loves nothing more than climbing up onto the back of the couch and waiting. 'Oh no, 'M stuck!' is a goddamn trap. It took a couple pint-sized ambushes, wherein she lunges, catches some serious air, and rams into you or Hidan at full force to learn that lesson. Your natural state becomes STRESSED. Hidan, on the other hand? Constantly entertained. That little girl can do literally no wrong, because, shit, she's just emulating her dad, obviously.

If it's possible for a toddler to be sarcastic, she is, and it's only ever when she's using her manners. One tiny little eyebrow cocked, a crooked smile and cooed, 'Oh, nooo. So-orry!' Hidan has literally cried from laughing so hard, until she turned it on him. One big, angry bitemark on his forearm later, and those tittering giggles and 'Uh-oh, you o'tay? Uh-oh!' felt just a little more irritating than when they were directed towards you. He's even less impressed when you're laughing right alongside your little devil-child.

Older kids tried, once, to pick on the little girl who laughed too loud and played too hard. Unfortunately for them, she's always had a set of lungs and knew damn well how to use them. One blood-chilling shriek- not because she's hurt, but because she knew he'd hear, and haha, there's dad. Big, fat crocodile tears, a quivering pout and squeaky, 'Oh, no!' and it was game on.

Hidan doesn't give a fuck how old a snot-nosed shithead might be, his bullying is indiscriminate and he's had far longer to refine his insults than they have. She's rarely bullied, because word spreads and it's hard for a kid to bounce back from such heated and targeted shit-talk, even harder to bounce back when they watch some whooping, laughing maniac beat the shit out of their dad for trying to step in. You were only slightly surprised, and a little concerned when your little gremlin laughed and squealed over the playground dad on dad beatdown.

Deidara drops by from time to time, and he seems to have as much fun wrangling your tiny little hellion as Hidan does. He doesn't mind the fact that she can be aggressively playful, and takes absolute delight in the way her eyes go wide and shine with awe when he shows off his art. She's fascinated by his hair, and you find some remarkable moments of quiet and peace when she's perched on the couch with him on the floor, her chubby fingers toying with and carding through the golden mane that's somehow smoother and shinier than silk. If he minds the fact that she essentially pets him like a cat, he certainly doesn't mention it. 'Awww! So sof', so sof'.' Between Deidara and Hidan's high energy capacity for mischief, his visits always end up with your daughter properly knackered, and mercifully tame for the rest of the day.

Kakuzu didn't want kids the same way a dad doesn't want the dog his kids inevitably end up bringing home. You two ended up with a daughter, and at some point, somehow, someway, he became begrudgingly attached and takes over everything surrounding that little baby. Maybe it was the fact that when he looks into her eyes, he sees a soft, sweet mirror of his own, moss-green eyes that haven't yet seen the horrors of the world and the awful things that wait within it. Either way, the most miniscule part of him that can still feel love does, and every ounce of it belongs to her. You have your share, but you know that his daughter put the moon and the stars in his sky again.

Your full-time job becomes raising her, the little lady that sees the world with his eyes and speaks remarkably well for a tiny toddler her age. There's not a snowball's chance in hell that he'd trust some random to watch over his girl. You're just lucky that she's an honest delight to raise, although that might be your own bias talking. Kakuzu does a lot of reading with her, and it's almost comical to see a man like him drawling and grumbling through a ten-paged book about a little pig's wild adventures in kindness.

When Kakuzu's balancing books in the evening and she can't sleep, she always seems to find her way to the kitchen table where the old bounty hunter is pouring over expenses and budgets. Tiny fingers count on an abacus while he counts stacks of green, and when he loses count because she's quietly chatting away to the walls and the table and his ears when they listen, he can't even find it in himself to be upset. Not when those pretty eyes turn their gaze to him and she bids her sweet 'uh oh, sorry papa'. For all his power, he can be weak in those moments that make his heart just a little happier.

Innocent, and unacquainted with the temper that almost defines him as a man, she isn't afraid of him, she isn't afraid of him, she isn't afraid of him. Never had she, nor will she ever bear witness to the ugly, vicious face of his short-fuse and hellfire wrath.

That sweet little girl is spoiled, and that's only because she never seems to ask for anything herself. So polite, for one so small. When little green eyes sparkle because they fell upon a pretty dress, a toy, a book that has her oohing and ahhing, a little cup that has a straw 'oh, wow!' and a cute little pig printed on the plastic 'ohh! a piggy! haha, oink oink!' - who is he to turn his head and leave it at that?

She could ask for the moon, and it would be all he could do to bid a slow, pensive nod and murmured assurance, 'It only sits in the sky for you.'

Hidan is a frequent and uninvited visitor, and while normally you'd find that to be cause for concern it's quickly proven pointless to worry given the fact that if Kakuzu isn't grouching him under control, your daughter has a hilarious talent for putting him in his place. Seeing the zealot sat on your couch, being prodded and chided by a girl less than half his size is certainly a sight to behold; hearing her tut and chastise him in a way she must have learned from her dad for putting his feet on the coffee table, shoes on the couch, or his drink on the side table without a coaster is absolutely hysterical. 'Stains are 'spensive! Feet down!'

Kakuzu's sweet little mini-me: breathes

Kakuzu:

Kisame takes on the dad role like he was born for it, after a small period of adjustment. You two end up having a boy and a girl, and he's practically putty in their little hands. Your boy is huge, had been since he was a baby - which is natural, Hoshigaki kids are just... big, generally. Your girl caught both of you off guard, only because she's so tiny. The sibling dynamic is chaos, but a warm one that always seems to leave Kisame cackling or grinning over something ridiculous those two end up getting into.

Your boy is like a walking clone of his dad, and even as a little boy he's already standing as tall as your ribs. Slate-blue hair as soft as cornsilk, teeth that make you grateful he was never a biter, and little gills bracketing his throat. Soft-spoken, a little shy outside of his parents, and constantly looking to wrestle and play. If you're doing something, he's a guaranteed little helper - he likes to help with cooking when you let him. If his baby sister is getting into trouble, he's either helping her do it to make sure she's safe, or he's the one carrying a kicking, griping toddler to one of you two to handle. Yeah, he's a bit of a narc- but it's always for a good cause. He's a fretful big brother.

Your girl is probably the most precious little baby you'd ever met, and Kisame is quite literally helpless against her doe-eyes and deceptively sweet, cheery little voice. Where her brother is quiet, she is loud; where he's happier to follow the rules and keep out of trouble, she's a born rule-breaker that finds boundaries just to test them. When you stumble upon her in the midst of some suspiciously quiet, pint-sized anarchy, she always manages to look surprised that you ever caught her in the first place. She looks like you, if you were knee-height and sporting tiny little daggers for teeth and gills on your cheekbones. Kisame blames you entirely for her gremlin personality.

Kisame does not discipline unless he needs to, because he feels awful when big, sweet baby eyes look at him with complete betrayal that he dared to tell them no, or stop them from pulling off some kind of crazy baby scheme that would make your hair grey from stress. Quivering pouts or teary eyes and he's gotta tap out.

Babysitters adore your kids when they behave, but Kisame vets any you hire thoroughly because he's more than a little protective of his babes. It's like they're each a half of his heart living outside his body and he honestly struggles to manage the overwhelming love and affection they pump into his veins every day. He could, and gladly would break fingers over something as minute as hurt feelings.

You hold the sole rights to discipline outside the house, too. If either of your ankle-biters act out their mischief in public, and someone tries to step up and throw in their two cents, Kisame's massive silhouette and mean, sawtooth grin are very effective deterrents.

Itachi is a semi-frequent visitor, and both of your children love him fiercely. You're half-convinced that he has some kind of Uchiha magnetism, given the fact that he'd won over not one, but three Hoshigaki by the sheer power of his quiet, soothing presence. Kisame takes great amusement in watching your little lady climb all over the poor man, and your son sidle up beside him with his favourite book to chat his ear off about the adventures that lay within it. Itachi, to his credit, never ever seems to mind the undivided attention of the lively gilled babes.

Kisame, and his pint-sized sidekick: getting into Hoshigaki-brand bullshit

You, with your sweet little chore buddy: > : ( no- one hundred times, no!

Kisame, and his tiny co-maker of mayhem: betrayed, bamboozled, and somehow? positively shocked that you found out

Itachi slips seamlessly into a domestic role, despite how long he'd been absent from one. Childrearing almost seems like his god-given purpose in life once he actually sets himself to it, and the second you two brought home your cooing, burbling baby it was on. He's happy, grateful to stay home and take care of your son, tend to the home and make your transition back to work as smooth of a process as possible.

It's an all-too common scene to come home and find the Uchiha at task in the kitchen, tending to a meal simmering on the stove while your squishy, pudgy-cheeked and sleepy eyed boy perched on his hip with a tenderness that makes your heart hurt. Even as a clumsy little toddler, he's never found very far from his dad. If Itachi is cleaning, there's his little mini-me, trying to help and earning gentle encouragement and a soft, fond smile for his efforts.

Honestly, your little guy is the most well-mannered, well-adjusted, well-spoken toddler you've ever met. He genuinely likes to help, to the point that it sometimes becomes a problem because he's very determined when there's any little problem set out in front of him. At the park, playing with other little babes, he's more concerned with making sure everyone's playing fair and playing safe than he is about actually having any fun himself. He's a bit of a worrywart for someone his age, and half the time it feels like he's the self-appointed tiny guardian of his friend group. Someone trips and skins a knee? 'Are you okay? We can sit down for a little. It's okay.' A born father, is your Itachi.

Who, for a man so reserved and soft-spoken, is hellbent on making sure his son has the most peaceful, memorable childhood he can possibly offer. Not a day is wasted in your household, even a lazy day is an opportunity to make memories and spend some honest, quality time with the people he loves most. You three can cook meals together, with your boy set to work at taste-testing and mixing ingredients under the quiet, watchful eye of his dad. He never wants for encouragement, love, affection, or little things that catch his eye; it would be wrong to call him spoiled, because he isn't, but there is little he wants that he doesn't receive.

Your secondary job is bullying Itachi into taking a day to relax and unwind, because although your son is essentially the perfect child, it's still a lot of work to raise him. Even when you're the primary parent on those days off, he's never far away, and always finding sneaky ways to slip back into dad-mode rather than actually relax. Half the time it takes you putting your son on the job of wrangling his dad just to make the man sit down, crack open a book and let himself just be. That typically entails your little boy gently chiding his father in a way you're certain he learned from the Uchiha himself- and god, it makes your heart melt. 'No, no. Gotta have your tea, it's gonna get cold', 'Sit, sit, sit. Sometimes we need to sit, papa. Gotta rest!'

Kisame loves to visit, he makes that fact no secret. For a man so massive, so intimidating, he handles your boy like glass- as if he's afraid a little rough play might break him. And your son, always as sweet as he is smart, adores the company. His questions know no limits, and he's a clever little babe about getting answers without actually asking questions. 'Can we go swimming? You must swim fast- can you swim under water? I can hold my breath longer than you can.' You once got to watch the boy perched at the end of a dock for half an hour, holding a staring contest with the swordsman who'd been stubbornly sat at the bottom of the lake's shallows for at least half an hour. That thoroughly entertained grin on the swordsman's face when he flared his gills told you he knew what exactly your boy was so curious about when he'd challenged him in the first place.

#kakuzu #hidan #kisame #itachi #naruto scenarios #naruto imagines #kakuzu x reader #kisame x reader #hidan x reader #naruto x reader #itachi x reader #i'm sorry but kakuzu as a dad specifically is my favourite #kisame as a dad and/or an uncle is ALSO my favourite i can't help it #kisame hoshigaki #itachi uchiha #kisame hates hiring babysitters and has no shame in offering to call itachi - you try to persuade him not to because itachi's a busy guy #kisame doesn't even have the courtesy to look sheepish when he tells you he'd already called him over to watch the kids for the night #'he's practically their uncle- sweetheart he LIKES watching 'em. it's fine! it's really fine!' #househusband itachi who brings his son along when it's time to go babysit the hoshigaki babes #'is it really work if it's essentially a playdate?' 'yes - and i'd like to pay for the trouble' 'you consider your children trouble?' #'...shut up and TAKE my MONEY PLEASE'

[wispforever]

Crucify Him

#Naruto #Itachi Uchiha #Kisame Hoshigaki #Kisaita #itakisa #not really but we know how i feel about them #this is right before he wrecks kakashi #i dont remember the exact sequence but whatever #I'm very curious of Itachi's hostility toward kakashi specifically #you could make the argument that he's just doing his evil villain act #but god DAMN #did you have to crucify him #he puts his own ass in a sling too but overusing his sharingan #itachi says I don't care if I die #as long as I kill you in the process #I like to think itachi bears animosity toward the leaf kakashi the rest of his superiors his family really everyone #because he was forced to choose between two very unattractive options when he was just a kid #not just that but he was expected to take full responsibility for his decision and bear whatever consequence came about #of course an adult could understand that the uchiha needed to right their position of inequity in the leaf #but itachi as a literal child and a child of war could not hold those stakes in his mind and think of anything but disaster #an inevitable war that would be his fault #he couldn't think of anything more awful than that even murdering every member of his clan and his own family #ANYWAY #what im trying to say is I think he would grow up as a rogue ninja and realize how fucked up and unfair it was that he was put up to that #and how he was groomed by a bunch of adults to be a killing machine just bc he happened to be an excellent shinobi #in this case #kakashi is the unfortunate object of his wrath #a very good representation of everything he was a victim of as far as itachi knows him #his superior in the anbu and someone who was willing to conduct surveillance of the Uchiha whether or not he knew what would happen to them #an indifferent bystander. one more person who didn't help itachi (kakashi probably would've had he had the whole picture)

[yowyowyaoi]

The Akatsuki as Things I’ve Heard the Pre-K and Kindergarten Kids Say at my School

Deidara:

“My hair is so pretty. Isn’t it so pretty? Do you want to touch it? My mom says it’s so pretty!”

“We used to be friends but then he borrowed my green crayon and he didn’t ask and he broke it in half and I couldn’t color my picture so now we’re not friends anymore.”

Itachi:

“I’m really tired. I forgot how to make my eyes close to go to sleep.”

“My new little brother is so cute. But he cries too much. My mom let me hold him and he pooped. I think we should have got a cat instead.”

Tobi:

“My mom put fruit snacks in my lunch. I want candy but she said fruit snacks are healthy. I don’t want healthy I want purple skittles!”

Me: “You’re going to stay here until you stop pulling her hair.”

Child: “Can you ask her not to have hair tomorrow so I won’t pull it?”

Kisame: 

“You can’t take my stick it’s mine! No it’s not a weapon it’s just a stick! See? *hits another child over the head with it* It doesn’t even hurt see?!”

Hidan:

“Jackson said a bad word! My grandpa says you go to hell for using bad words!”

Me: “Hell is kind of a bad word, too.”

Child: *starts crying*

Obito:

“I asked her to go on the swings with me. She said no. She went on the slide with Daniel. Daniel isn’t my friend now.”

Konan:

“I don’t like writing on papers. Papers are pretty. Have you seen the paper with glitter on it? We should leave the paper alone. Why can’t we write on tablets instead?

Nagato:

“I have a dog. I have three dogs. I have a cat. I have a bird, it sings sometimes. I used to have a fish but it died. I have too many pets. They’re everywhere. They want food all the time.”

Kakuzu:

“My dad gave me $5 for the book fair. I don’t want a book but I told him I wanted a book because I wanted the money. I wish he gave me more. You can’t buy any pokemon cards with $5 except maybe one or two. A kid in my class sells them but some cost like $10. Why didn’t my dad give me $10? He’s not my favorite my mom is.”

Zetsu: 

“My mom has a garden. She waters it but everything always dies. Even the yellow flowers. I told her not to give the cat too much water because it might die too. But I don’t like the cat anyway. It bites me.”

Sasori:

“I don’t play with dolls anymore. I’m too old for dolls. But the Sims are kinda like dolls except you can make them die if you leave them in a pool or a fire. I really like playing Sims.”

#the akatsuki #funny quotes #kids are wild ya'll #deidara #itachi uchiha #tobi #kisame hoshigaki #hidan #obito uchiha #konan #nagato uzumaki #kakuzu #zetsu #sasori

[thinkingaboutsomethingprobably]

made more fruit akatsuki wooooo!!

my thought process on this one was uhhh man idk, strawberry matches Itachi's eyes and kisame's hair looks like the top of a pineapple, you cant say i'm wrong.

#my art #i think they look like little kids (good thing) #i need them as plushies #itachi uchiha #naruto #naruto fanart #fanart #kisame hoshigaki #FRUITY #my next victims will be hidan and kakuzu

[akatsukirites]

Sixth entry for @sweetspicybingo - Sharing Clothes 2ND BINGO! The next three are all gonna be bingos :)))))))) Narutoverse | KisaKonan | G | <600 wrds

Akatsuki headquarters is the only home she knows other than the place they used to live at with Jiraiya. The hallways are unlit to save electricity. Something about the bills being too high or offsetting the pull for Nagato's machines. Konan finds that she doesn't mind the darkness. She stops at a nondescript door and knocks softly. Seconds later, it opens and a shadow with red clouds takes the entire space. The cloak suits him well; high collar shrouding any physical characteristics. He's so tall she can't even see the crossed-out hitai-ate. 

"Yes?" He answers in a gruff, but soft, voice.

She clears her throat. "My name is Konan. I've been assigned as your temporary partner for the mission." In a practiced, flat tone.

Kisame tenses, although she can't see it behind the layers of silk. She is a small woman, just barely coming up to his shoulders despite the wedge heels she wears. She wears no hitai-ate, but she's from Amegakure. He can tell by the way she smells– smoke and rain and wet earth. Like a bomb planted in the lake.

"My apologies." He says out of habit. "I was just finishing preparations, Konan-san."

The strong scent of nail polish remover wrinkles her nose. She notices a few fingers still have polish on them; or maybe they're freshly painted. How many times has he re-started?

"I've come to give you something, Hoshigaki-san."

He steps out of the way to let her in. The room is barren. Even though he's lived here for more than a few months, there's almost nothing in it besides his sword in the corner and a plainly made bed. A window is the only thing interrupting the pale-white walls. Although looking out into it doesn't provide much of a view– gray rain pouring down from Akegakure's skies. A variety of items lie scattered on the floor; clothes and money and maps, a jumble of cotton pads and a bottle of nail polish with the standard Akatsuki color. (Madara is such a creep. Making them all wear this shit.)

From the sleeves of her cloak, she pulls out a small, lacquered box and opens it towards him. A seal ring with the word 'South' stamped on a yellow background. Of all the things Kisame is expected to wear as his new uniform, this one is the most annoying. It'll only get in the way of his sword-hand. He looks at her, eyes demanding an explanation.

"It's a long-distance communication tool. You haven't been sent out on a mission yet so it hasn't been made for you until now. The smiths want to know if it fits."

He picks it up out of the box, careful not to smudge his freshly painted nails. It happens anyways, clumsy and inexperienced with it as he is. Kisame has never been careful with his hands. He's not used to it. He tries every finger that Konan will let him, which leaves him his left hand (except the middle), or the right index and ring finger.

Finally, he tries the left ring finger. A traditional wedding finger. Married to the job. Isn't that right? It fits perfectly. He meets her eyes, a glowing amber with nothing behind them.

"I'm good with nail polish if you want help." She offers, seeing how he'll have to start over.

Kisame pulls his hands back.

"It's no trouble."

Konan takes a step back. "Very well. I'll meet you outside when you're ready, Hoshigaki-san." Nods curtly and disappears into the dark hallway.

#sweetspicywinter #[♣️–vdwrites] #♣️–kisame #♣️–konan #naruto fanfiction #kisakonan #kisame #konan #hoshigaki kisame #♣️–challenge #who wants to bet that kisame didn't do a base coat or top coat #i never get to read fics where they're doing nail polish and its serious #like #nail polish scenes but not crack-fic #although who am i kidding lol this is a crack-ship #when i was a kid i spent YEARS trying to find the right color for akatsuki nail polish #and then when i finally found the color i became immediately disinterested

[pinkfaeriefan]

A little something I did for myself for my birthday! Celebrating with all my favorites!

#anime #naruto #naruto fanart #oc #self insert #one piece #akatsuki #kisame #warlord #crocodile #one piece fanart #fanart #ronoroa zoro #vinsmoke sanji #itachi #Sabo #portgas d. ace #heat #eustass kid #trafalgardwaterlaw #law

[fina1chase]

Also I want to see Kisame and Itachi's relationship aside from "Kisame can you fight this jinchuurki for me thanks" and "Itachi you should sit down"

#naegi.txt #KISAITAS KILL YOURSELVES THIS ISNT FOR YOU #like we saw a little bit of Itachis influence on Kisame. but what about KISAMES influence on Itachi #theyre both clan kids and theyre both anbu. LIKE CMONNNN #THEY BOTH HAVE FEELINGS OF GUILT AND SELF HARM HABITS!!!!! WHILE TRYING TO CONVINCE THE OTHER TO STOP!!!! AAAAAAUUUUGGGGHHHH

[evilkitten3]

6) byakugan, sharingan, or rinnegan

7) which battle was your favorite (can give top 3 because there's so many good ones)

13) what ninjas would you want as your teammates

18) favorite character

19) least favorite character

22) who would you want your partner to be in the akatsuki

26) favorite uchiha

thanks for the ask!!

6) byakugan, sharingan, or rinnegan

well preferably none of them as having any of them seems like a free pass to getting your eyeballs ripped out and frankly i try to keep mine where they are. but if i had to pick... probably the sharingan. i'm maxing out at the three tomoe tho no mangekyou for me thank you

7) which battle was your favorite

thanks for giving me a top three option bc there are so. freaking. many. for my top three, in no particular order, i'm gonna have to go with sakura vs sasori, kisame vs gai (the final one), and that one part of the kakashi vs obito fight where it keeps flashing back to them sparring as kids and the animation is just freaking stunning

13) what ninjas would you want as your teammates

honestly that really depends on what my own skillset as a ninja would be. as i am now, i wouldn't be all that useful lol. but if i had to place myself on a genin team... chouji and sakura! chouji's the kind of guy i could see myself getting along with, and while sakura and i would probably clash somewhat, i think we'd manage alright

19) least favorite character

...ok so there's only one naruto character i honestly actually dislike and it's for such a stupid reason that i'm embarrassed to admit it, so i'll preface it with this: i know it's stupid. it's a holdover from when i was a kid who was very new to the series. i'm aware that he's not only a very good character, but that the very reason he bugs me is almost completely ridiculous. having said all of that, the only naruto character that i would grant the dubious title of "my least favorite" is neji. when i was a kid it was bc i found him irritating and i struggled with understanding him. now that i'm older, i just feel like he represents the common problem in naruto of abandoned ideas in the later manga that made the earlier stuff so good. if he'd had a better death then i think i would have been able to make myself like him, but killing him off the way it happened kinda ruined any chance of that happening for me. i do think it's kinda hilarious that i can like some of the worst people in naruto but one righteously angry teenager just sets my teeth on edge. for some reason. sorry, neji, you don't deserve this. but i was thirteen once and gay for your cousin and. well. some things just stick with you, i guess

26) favorite uchiha

MADARAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!! love that crazy bastard. hope i never meet him ever

#naruto #naruto shippuden #haruno sakura #akasuna no sasori #hoshigaki kisame #maito gai #might guy #hatake kakashi #uchiha obito #akimichi chouji #uchiha madara #anti neji??? i guess??? #i don't even really hate him anymore like i did when i was a kid these days he just kinda bugs me

[narutomaki]

get me OUT OF HERE

#this is about fucking. shipping. fucking orochimaru. get out of this polycule all of you shoo!!! go!!!! #STOP HAVING BABIES AND BEING HAPPY AND GOOEY!!!! STOP!!!!!! YOURE RUINING ME!!!!!!!!! #the fucked up little version of Obito ive made tho and his fucked up little niche of functionally immortal reincarnated body sharing #its like ive made him cat nip for Orochimaru. i was JOKING INITIALLY RIGHT??? I WAS LIKE #HAHA OROBITO HAHA HA HA HAAA FUCKING HELP MR #IM IJ HERE NOW LIKE OH YEAH AND GENE SPLICING IS SOMETHING OROCHIMARU HAS EXPERIENCE IN #AND GIVING HIM THIS AS A HEALYHY OUYLET AND MAKING HIM A MOTHER IN ONE FELL SWOOP #Obito has like 15 kids by the time Miho is created so shes not going yo be his heir (his heirs mother was an Uzumaki he hit it off with and #asked to have a kid with young (17) so shes 14 by the time the main series begins) #any way. Kakuzu being like ok you can have a chold under this roof but i will not be responsible in any way for it #and then holding Miho exactly once and going like 'oh i get why mothers die for their babies now' #Kisame takes the longest to warm up to her which surprises him bcus he gets along well with the rest of Obitos children #(Obito is like well. fuck you guys. Uchiha clan in Ame time and offers people contracts like in situations of fertility he adopts the mother #and father into his clan and turkey basters it (okay no he does send them to the hospitla but) and otherwise offers #a home a name etc for agreeing to join as either a civilian clan member or to have a child of his and some of the #second parents are like oh fuck yeah i want a kid but not a relationship/my husband is infertile/whatever and raise the child #as their own with very lityle input from Obito but some Obito has raised / was raising essentially on his own (such as his heir whos mother #didnt want to be in a relationship with Obito but wanted to test out motherhood and found she Could Not Do It and is now #more of an estranged aunt figure but 14 y/o doesnt have much bad blood about it bcus she has The Scariest Step Dad squad and #is 1000% creepy teen girl coded and it gets validated in sooo many capacities. cant do unethical experiments on mice when one of your step #fathers can bring you into the lab and teach you how to actually do the work and deal with an ethics commity that yes we have to #otherwise your father gives us the neutral but disappointed face) #ANY WAY #CAN YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN ?? LET ME THE FUCK OUT!!! LET ME OUY LET ME OUT HELP SOMEONES FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUC

[sharkb497]

#naruto #akatsuki #kisame akatsuki #kisame hoshigaki #kisame naruto #my draws #sketches #digital fanart #love him #hoshigaki kisame #kisame #kittycat #meow #kisame kid

[grimmjowjaegerjaquez]

in my "itachi just takes sasuke and runs" au, they run into kisame who just looks at these two, 7 and 12-13 year old boys and is like "sigh well i guess i have no choice :/ its hard being a single mother when you are a 24 year old man"

#nartposting #at least i ttttthhhhhink thats how old they are when That happens #and i think uh. actually saying their real ages really just kind of makes the fact that it happened at all extremely funny #like. the way he is initially portrayed in all of sasuke's flashbacks you think hes way way older than sasuke is #but no hes only like 4 years older than him #also even funnier when you look at the part 1 age for itachi being like. 17-18 #and then kisame who is like. 30. #well 29 but still lmfao #also also i dont think kisame would quite frame it that way since he really uh. thinks he is a despicable person lmfao. #i could see him being like ''wow i am tricking these kids into trusting me :/// this is so fucked up of me''

[thinkin-bout-milgram]

I was once informed by Mercury and Pluto that I had been drinking mold via my water bottle for weeks and they made me throw it out and get a new one (I washed said new one today though are you proud of me) - Neptune

#the neptune experience #i’m coming for your brand kisame #who am i kidding i could never reach your level #mold #mold immunity #don’t be like me plz #admin neptune #possessed by mold #we told her off in the middle of a crowded area im p sure a bunch of ppl heard -mercury

[sameteeth]

i think kisame and zabuza are like. FWB kinda where they hooked up a lot when they were younger + freshly missing-nin but as they got older and matured a bit more they got closer and eventually for real fall in love.

#i need to rewatch land of the waves arc to remember zabuzas philosophies a bit better #also idk if the timelines work out but zabuza adopts haku first and haku meets kisame once before kisame parters up w itachi #and itachi + haku dont like each other first (or zabuza + kisame respectively) but end up bonding bc what else is there to do when #theyre doing lovey dovey couple stuff that itachi and haku both view as a betrayal #bc theyre sad little abandoned kids who want their older brother/dad figure to give them all the attention they want and need #might actually write abt this i think its rlly cute and fun.... #also more zabukisa content... kisazabu?? idk their ship name #canis talks naruto #canis talks akatsuki #naruto.akatsuki #naruto.wavearc #naruto.zabuza #naruto.kisame

[akatsukirites]

Last entry for @sweetspicybingo - Fireworks!!! Happy new year bitches BLACKOUT BINGO!!!!!! im so proud of myself lol Narutoverse | KisaKonan | G | ~700 words | CW: PTSD response

It's not the flare. Konan has seen flares before. She shot them in the air yelling 'RETREAT!' until she lost her voice, signaling the second advance squad to pull back to the recall point. It's not the plunging thud of the cannon launch. Nor is it the whirring of the rocket as it shoots into the sky. It's the boom. Deep and echoing through the ravine as they cross on a wide bridge. Booming once, twice– she hunts down where the explosions are coming from. When she finally sees the origin of the sound, it's one of the most awesome things she's ever seen. A bomb in the air raining down starlight.

Her heart tells her otherwise, screaming that she's in danger, pushing blood and endorphins to her muscles. Even though it is clearly not a flare in a place where it is clearly not raining and they are clearly not at war. At least, not today. Yet, her body reacts nonetheless; mouth agape and pupils dilating. Her foot pulls back into a defensive stance as paper starts to roll off her clenched fists.

Kisame knows better than to intervene. In Kirigakure, shinobi who were afflicted with this … condition … wasted away in the slums; unfit to be useful. In his youth, he made the mistake of confronting one of them only to get the shit beaten out of him. In such a state, she might also mistake him for the enemy. Although he admits Konan is a formidable shinobi, he'd rather not kill her today.

Instead, he looks up to the sky and says simply, "Fireworks. … Probably for the New Year." Keeping his attention on the display.

Konan's eyes dart between Kisame and the 'fireworks'. Not flares. Not bombs. Fireworks.

"I guess you wouldn't see them in Rain Country since, well, it rains all the time there." Kisame huffs in irony. 

Meanwhile, Konan reels herself back to the present, starting with sliding her foot back into place. Calls her paper back to her; clutches her heart and takes deep, shuddering breaths.

"I've seen them in Water Country before." He continues, "Was on a mission to the daimyo's manor. Stupid old man loved shit like that. Real flashy. … But they're very effective distractions when you need them. Just walk right up to the target and–" He pulls his finger across his throat. It's a story in poor taste, but it's all he has.

Konan wrings her hands, trying to play along. "Is it…Are they… expensive?"

He shrugs to reply. What does he care if the daimyo spends gold on stupid toys? Not that there was a daimyo left once Kirigakure installed their puppet.

"I see."

Another firework launches into the sky, its flame illuminating the outline of a thin cloud. It booms and crackles, followed by a second explosion that slipped past her observations. Even if she knows they're just some expensive decoration, her body seems to not care. Every cell tells her to run. She grips the railing of the bridge trying to steady herself.

"Have you ever spent much time underwater?" He asks in a casual manner. Of course, the answer is no. The only time she's spent underwater was before they knew how to catch fish in the lake with shinobi techniques. But she is fond of a warm bath and knows that when one sinks beneath the surface, all sound gets washed out. Kisame walks up to her. "May I try something, Konan-san?"

She looks up at him with suspicion. "What is it?"

"A bubble. Just around your ears."

Konan nods, wincing as another firework explodes across the sky. He stands behind her and weaves. SnakeRamHorseRabbitRamHorse– holds a hand to the sides of her face. He pushes out a small water prison on each ear. Easy to make and easy to control. A strange weightlessness comes over her. Like vertigo, only less nauseating. The next wave of fireworks rain down on the horizon. In purple and silver flowers; in different shapes and sizes. They are nothing short of miraculous. And blissfully, it is silent. She can't hear a single thing. Not even when she says softly, "They're pretty."

'Yes, they are. But–'

"Not more than you, Konan-san."

Kisame knows she can't hear him, but he says it anyway.

#sweetspicywinter #[♣️–vdwrites] #♣️–kisame #♣️–konan #naruto fanfiction #kisakonan #konan #hoshigaki kisame #♣️–challenge #you know i just had to make this sad right? #when i was a really little kid we didnt get to go to firework shows #cause we lived with my grandpa and he couldnt deal with the fireworks #understandable but i was also disappointed #i wonder if he had had those big ear muffs if it wouldve helped

[snuggleboots]

absolutely living for the explosion of naruto posts since the 20th aniversary vid

#which was absolutely gorgeous #wish babygirl kisame got a couple secs more of screentime but w/e #it made me feel like a little kid again 🥲 emotional as f right now