#when i was a really little kid we didnt get to go to firework shows | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

blxetsi · 3 years

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Can I get some Reiner content pls? Hcs with the kids, cooking, date nights, embarrassing moments, pets, anything!

tysm for requesting !

reiner braun dating headcanons (modern au)

college!reiner braun x gn!reader

warnings: nothing i think, lol meations of his weird parents

- reiner would be SO NERVOUS around you when he realized he liked you

- definitely started out as friends to lovers, you knew each other through a mutual friend bertholdt, but really became friends when you shared a class one semester

- when he realized he liked you it was in the most mundane situation ever,,, you, reiner, annie, porco, and bertholdt had gotten together for a movie night, and he was literally just about to put his hand on ur shoulder to ask if you wanted a drink (he was gonna get one for himself) and his hand stopped mid air when he realized he had butterflies LMAOOO

- this mf would become sooooo on edge around you,, like you knowing he had a crush was the end of the world 🙄

- annie and bertholdt would talk to him about it (and by that i mean annie would call him a big baby while bertholdt nods along) and then he'd become more relaxed with you once more

- when you two started dating he became nervous ALL OVER again

- insecurities and doubts came seeping into his mind and he wouldnt help but be overbearing at times

- he just wanted to be a good bf 🥺 he doesnt want you to leave him 😭🤚

- you two talk about it one night and it helps calm his doubts

- thats also the first night you two slept in the same bed 🤩

- he was so blushy the next morning, he couldnt look at you without his face and ears becoming red

- is a total tiny spoon idc idc

- sometimes he babysits his cousin gabi when he goes home, so when he took you with him for the first time (it was christmas break) you got to meet her !!

- shes a hyper little thing but so sweet, and she practically DEMANDS that reiner let her paint his nails for him 😭🤚

- you also meet her friends too !! but she tells you that the blond boy falco is her BEST best friend, as opposed to her regular best friends

- you can tell reiner is on edge during family dinners, especially the one you guys had on christmas day, and when you two get to campus you ask him whats wrong

- he tells you that his relationship with his family is a bit strained, primarily his parents

- he loves them of course !! but sometimes they just make him feel,,, not good

- but he reassures you that its okay, and that hes glad they didnt start anything when you were there

- you dont believe its okay but you dont push him

- he brushes the tip of his nose a lot, especially when hes nervous

- its not him like,, picking it or anything he'll just rub the tip with the knuckles of his index finger, he looks rlly cute doing it

- also tries to get you to go to the gym with him, bertie, and annie

- if its something youre into then great !! he keeps inviting you, but if you arent into it he gets a little sad :(

- but its okay ! you try to see him after his workouts with water and something for him to eat

- this is what makes him bring up living together

- i mean, annie practically lives with him and bertie now, whats one more person ?

- and its better because you wont have to come all the way from your apartment to his just to wait for him,,, you can be at HOME and do stuff until they come back from the gym

- it takes a little bit of swaying, but then he brings up being able to spoon him EVERY NIGHT and youre sold 😐👍

- you dont want to ogle at your bf so much,, but seeing him carry boxes from the foyer of the apartment to his bedroom where youre unpacking things is a,,, sight to see

- you asked him to just keep holding the box he had in the doorway of his room while your eyes roamed his arms and chest,, specifically his biceps and pecs

- YOU GOTTA BIG TITTY BF 🥰‼️

- he just stands there like 🙁 until he finally says "y/n please my arms are getting tired just tell me where to put it" lol No ❤️

- after you move in with him and bertie, things get a bit more cramped, specifically in reiners room

- its nothing you two cant handle, just with your things there sometimes its hard to find things, or youre bumping into dressers and tables and beds

- and lets be honest reiners room isnt even big enough for REINER

- so after a year of enduring it, you two decide to get a place of your own !!

- you got two bedrooms so one you could turn into a shared office and the other you could make your bedroom, and this makes things WAYYYYY easier

- by the time you move in youre already so close to your two year anniversary

- you dont think anniversaries are that important so you guys just went out to see a movie last year, but this year ?? reiner has something PLANNED

- and u know this bc you mightve accidentally found his laptop still open in the office,,, with "anniversary plans" written out in a google doc,,, and reiner was in the bathroom and you were nosy,,,

- so you snooped and read it all 😐🙄

- when reiner brings up youre anniversary youre distracted so you say "babe ill do what you got planned dw"

- he just looks at you like "how did you know i had something planned 😃⁉️"

- ANYWAYS LOL

- after that awko taco moment you play it off like "oh i just assumed lol" AND HE BUYS IT !! AHAHAHAHHAHA

- you two go out dressed to the NINES 🤩✨ and you had this weird night on the town 😭😭

- you guys did that food trend on tiktok where you do rock paper scissors and the winner gets to choose drinks, food, dessert etc..

- then you took everything and had a little picnic in the park, and you watched the sunset together 🤩🤚

- then he took you to a fireworks show they had near downtown, and watching the colours mix with the stars in the sky was so beautiful

- it started raining after tho 😭😭😭 and you two had to run back in the rain to the car like it was a MOVIE

- it was an unconventional kind of anniversary date but it was so fun, and reiner was so glad you enjoyed it

- then he brought up what you two would do after college

- "so,, graduation is in a couple of months, and ive already got a job set. and i dont know about you but, im staying in the city after we graduate. i just wanted to know if youll be moving out or, going somewhere else..."

- your heart BREAKS bc youre so sad hes just assuming that youll leave him after graduation, WHICH YOU WONT DO

- you have a paid internship at a facility in the city, so you tell him exactly that and that youll stay with him if its what he wants

- you can tell hes more than relieved, and get so blushy when you kiss his wet face all over

- "reiner i love you."

- HE SHORT CIRCUITS. SWERVES ON THE ROAD AND EVERYTHING !

- but he tells you the exact same thing

- "y/n i love you too."

- and he really does

ive just realized this and all of my other dating hcs arent actually headcanons so much as ideas that i put in point form 😐🤚 gotta work on that 😁👍

anyways requests open hope u enjoyed

#attack on titan #attack on titan fanfiction #attack on titan x reader #attack on titan reiner #reiner braun #reiner braun x reader #reiner braun x gn!reader #bertholdt hoover x reader #annie leonhart headcanons #reiner braun headcanons #shingeki no kyoujin #shingeki no kyoujin fanfiction #attack on titan headcanons

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faithinthefuture28 · 4 years

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Larry songs timeline & what it tells us about the evolution of their relationship

**These are all just my interpretations but the more I listen to the music they wrote, the more it all fits together. ESPECIALLY BECAUSE THROUGHOUT THE YEARS THEY’VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT WRITING “AUTOBIOGRAPHICALLY” AND “FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE”

I deffo missed some songs but these stood out to me:

2013

L-Strong: Love isn’t easy (waves trying to break it) but what we have means something and it’s worth fighting for. read: love is only for the brave (Think of how much love that’s been wasted...there’s nothing i’m running from...i don’t care, I’m not scared of love) And we bring out the best in each other so lets not throw this away (i’d do anything to save it...when i’m not with you i’m weaker).

H-Happily: I want to fight for us too bc we’re on fire and our love is powerful af. ik we have to do stunts and stuff (and if (s)he feels my traces in your hair, sorry love but I don’t really care) but what we have is insane and fuck everyone else bc you’re MINE and i’m YOURS at the end of the day (i wanna be the one who holds you when you sleep). Together, we’re magic so just be with me so happily

H-Something Great: ****this song is very straightforward so i won’t explain it much***** (i want you here with me like how i pictured it so i dont have to keep imagining... We’re better off together here tonight). Written as a longing for what could be if they dont have to suppress the relationship. (script was written...want to rip it all to shreds) Louis’ response (you’re all I want so much it’s hurting) basically says “it’s not too much to ask babe, i want it too.” This has the kind of longing that ‘wouldn’t it be nice- beach boys’ which Harry has admitted is kind of a theme song.

L-Through the Dark: I know all this bs we’re going through is taking a toll on you and hurts you and i hate seeing you upset (you tell me that your sad...you tell me that you’re hurt and youre in pain and i can see your head is held in shame...i just wanna see you smile again) but I will do everything physically possible to protect you from any pain bb (i’d never let you fall and break your heart, if u wanna cry or fall apart, i’ll be there to hold ya). We’re going through this together and I will take on any responsibility needed to keep you happy. I’M WILLING TO GO THROUGH HELL TO FIGHT FOR US HARRY LOVE (entire chorus basically).

L-Better than Words: holy fuck our love is amazing can’t even describe it can i just sing to you foreva love u babycakes

L-Why don’t we go there: what if...we just forgot about the world and escaped and enjoyed each others love and rode the high??? Also sex

2014

L-Ready to Run: *******Followup to Why Don’t We Go There*********** But this time let’s escape for real bc (there’s me inside a sinking boat running out of time). Like i’m ready to get out of here and it could just be us living happily ever after (this time i’m ready to run). Honestly nothing else makes sense (without you i’ll never make it out alive...wherever you are is the place i belong). I know what i want out of life and IT’S YOU HARREH (i want to be free and i wanna be yours, i will never look back).

L-Steal My Girl: all u thirsty hoes find someone else bc Harry is MY pretty princess. Srsly ask his family. But you can still admire how he looks in those jeans. We all do. You know the ones

L-No Control: boy u fine, let’s do what lovers do IN THE MORNING. bc we can. also you own me and i am urs

L-Clouds: WE KNEW THIS WAS GONNA BE HARD SO WHY ARE YOU BEING A LITTLE BITCH (you dont like it complicated...but love is never ever simple...you are tired of all the changes, but love is always always changing). We could be great yo, just keep fighting (if we’re never coming back down, we’ll looking down on the clouds...we go and we go and we dont stop)

H-Where do Broken Hearts Go: IM SORRY LOU BABY YOURE EVERYTHING (rest of my crimes dont come close the look on your face when i let you go... the taste of your lips...is at the top of the list of things i want). H&L’s call and response at the end is basically forgiveness and acknowledgment (come on baby come and get me out, come on baby cuz i need you now)

H-Two Ghosts: *****was written around this time according to Harry******. This is fucking hard yo. We’re drained and exhausted and idk how much more we can fight for this... (it’s not you and it’s not me...sounds like something that i used to feel). That infatuation and electricity and hope that fueled our younger selves isn’t really there anymore and i’m just tired man (we’re just two ghosts swimming in a glass half empty, trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat, we’re not who we used to be...this was all we used to need). We’re empty vessels going through the motions (same eyes blue, couple more tattoos). AND WE AREN’T FUCKING COMMUNICATING (we dont say what we really mean).

2015

H&L-Perfect: so what if... we get rid of the pressure of forever? What if we just have fun doing the stupid shit we love and makes us feel alive (trouble up in hotel rooms, secret little rendezvous, things you know that we shouldn’t do). Like we won’t be out of each others’ lives, I’m still around and we can find comfort in each other and even mess around here and there (I can be the one you love from time to time). Remember how we used to be young and EXCITED (when i first saw you from across the room, i could tell that you were curious) let’s get that energy back without the responsiblity of an adult relationship. And we can keep making art lmao (if youre looking for someone to write your breakup songs about).

L-Long Way Down *****this song fkn hurts man. It’s overlooked a lot but shows so much insight**** We were...everything. And maybe that’s the problem? We’ve been through so fucking much, more than anyone our age should have to endure. (We've been in fire, Went down in the flames. We sailed the ocean And drowned in the waves. Built a cathedral But we never prayed) We didn’t know what we had. We were damn kids man. We weren’t prepared for all this. We didn’t know how powerful this would be. We didn’t know what it required of us. (We had a mountain But took it for granted. We had it all yeah. Who could’ve planned it). We didn’t know what to do with it, how to deal with it, so here we are. (We had a spaceship But we couldn't land it) We’re each other’s everything, but we can’t keep going on like this babe. (We found an island But we got stranded). I don’t want to leave you but being together is breaking us down. (Point of no return and now It's just too late to turn around) We thought we were untouchable. That love conquers all. Maybe, we were wrong. This is gonna hurt like a bitch (We built it up so high and now I'm fallin', it’s a long way down)

H-Olivia: I LIVE FOR YOU, I LONG FOR YOU, I LOVE YA. And i think i’ll always love ya. And I’m scared...of life without you (i get the feeling you’re walking out, time is irrelevant when i’ve not been seeing you, the consequences are falling now, there’s something i’m having nightmares about...dont let me go). But maybe just maybe thats okay, because you’re AIMH (you live in my imagination...i love you, it’s all i do).

L-Love you Goodbye: I fucking love you and I’ll always fucking love you but i think this is the right thing to do even though it feels so wrong (i know there’s nothing i can do to change it, but is there something that can be negotiated?) We made some goddamn fireworks together though (unforgettable together held the whole world in our hands) and do ya maybe think...we can make them just once more? (if tomorrow you wont be mine, let me give it to you one last time, baby let me love you goodbye...one more taste of your lips just to bring me back to the places we’ve been and the nights we’ve had because if this is it, then at least we could end it riiiiight). ********in the interview with our FAVE Gwen Garcia, she asked if it’s better to say goodbye and end a relationship that’s not feeling right or keep trying even if your heart’s not in it. Harry responds with “I think it’s better to say goodbye...but sometimes if youre trying to protect..” Then Louis cuts him off and says “you’re going deep aren’t you”, brushing the question off as a joke but imho i think there was pain in that answer. Then Harry continues “if you’re not 100% in it, I think it’s better for both parties if you say goodbye”. And Louis adds a “yeah” at the end.********

H-Walking in the Wind: I know this is scary but i think we can do it, (you said to me do you believe i’ll be too far? if youre lost just look for me you’ll find me) I think because youre AIMH and i’m always in yours, it’ll be good for us. And look at us being mature, we’re killing it babe. We can live our separate lives and grow on our own. We dont need to make it messy and hurtful. We’re on the same page. (the fact that we can sit right here and say goodbye means we’ve already won. A necessity for apologies between you and me, baby there is none). At this point, we’re kinda part of each other right? So it’s healthy for us to be apart for a bit. (it’s not the end, i’ll see your face again... i know we’ll be alright...just close your eyes and see i’ll be by your side any time you need me). And you’ve helped me grow into the person I am, and I you, so that’s cool as hell, right? (you will find me in places that we’ve never been). We had a TON of fun (we had some good times didnt we) so i feel okay that we’re doing this (goodbyes are bittersweet) and starting the next adventure in our lives.

H-If I could fly: I. am. yours. Louis. William. Tomlinson. (for your eyes only, i’ll show you my heart). Maybe this growth thing isn’t worth it, let me prove to you how much you mean to me (i think i might give up everything just ask me to). This is gonna be hard as shit because i’m so dependent on you (i’m missing half of me when we’re apart). I’m being honest and I’m being scared and I’m being vulnerable because I can’t lie to you and pretend I’m strong (i let my guard down, right now i’m completely defenseless). But we’re part of each other, right? (i could feel your heart inside of mine). I’ll always be here for you Lou (for when you’re lonely and forget who you are) even if for now we can’t physically be together.

L-Home: I’ve tried, Harry. I’ve tried to play pretend (told myself i kind of like her but there was something missin in her eyes). But i was lost (i was stumblin, lookin in the dark with an empty heart) because none of it was enough, none of it was YOU (it was there i sawr it in your eyes). And then i met you and you felt the same and we’re both lost souls playing pretend who found magic in each other (but you say you feel the same, could we ever be enough?) Is our love enough to overcome everything? Maybe we can be enough. Maybe I can make this enough, let me try to make it enough for you. And if we go our separate ways, know that I’m here for you no matter what. I won’t let you be lost again. (When you’re lost I’ll find a way and I’ll be your light, you will never feel like you’re alone, I’ll make this feel like home). So go. wander. find yourself. Then when you’re ready, come home.

2016-2017

H- Sweet Creature: ***Harry admit that this was the first song he wrote for the album**** We aren’t in the best place rn. We’ve been fighting (had another talk about where it’s going wrong...it’s hard when we argue, we’re both stubborn). But it’s you Louis. It can’t be anyone else. (don’t know where we’re going but we know where we belong... wherever I go, you bring me home). That’s not even a question. I’m still trying to figure out who I am, but the one thing I know is that a large part of who I am is you (we started 2 hearts in one home). And aint no way I’m losing that part of myself (when i run out of road, you bring me home). It was always you.

H-MMITH: Whenever you’re ready, I’m ready (just let me know i’ll be at the door, hoping you’ll come around). I know I need to work on myself a little more (i gotta get better, and maybe we’ll work it out) but honestly i’m getting impatient and i want things to go back to how they were and i want to be yours again (once you go without it, nothing else would do). But I can’t communicate this to you clearly so let me just put this in a song and hope you get it (we dont talk about it, it’s something we dont do) ****Harry mentioned in an interview that he expresses himself through songwriting when he can’t say the words directly to a person because it’s easier to just write it in a song than have difficult conversations*****

H-ESNY: ****honestly no idea what this song is about but it’s something to do with them fighting and not communicating and being in a weird place before their relationship is rekindled******* edit: this could be about his stepdad

H-FTDT: I MISS YOU AND I’M TOO FULL OF PRIDE TO TELL YOU DIRECTLY JUST COME BACK INTO LIFE LOU I’M LONELY AND SAD AND EMPTY AND IM NOT FUCKING FINDING MYSELF LIKE YOU SAID I WOULD (woke up alone, played with myself where were you...we havent spoke since you went away, why wont you ever say what you wanna say) So until then I sit and wait for your sorry ass to make the first move (maybe one day you’ll call me and tell me that you’re sorry too...but you never do). Also like i have to hear from other people how you are?? (i saw your friend that you know from work, he said that you feel just fine) ANd you’re sharing OUR clothes with people?? wtf just swallow your pride and call me

L-Miss You: OKAY BUT I CANT JUST CALL YOU BECAUSE I HAVE PRIDE TOO also my mates are trying to make me get over you (now i’m asking my friends how to say I’m sorry, they say lad give it ttime there’s no need to worry, and we can’t even be on the phone now). So i’m just numbing your absence with partying and drinks but CLEARLY ITS NOT WORKING (should be laughing but there’s something wrong...shit maybe i miss you...when i feel it coming up i just throw it all away, get another few shots cuz it doesn’t matter anyway...such a good time, i’ll believe it this time). This is weird bc like you were my everything but im trying to get used to this and it fucking sux (oh how shit changes, we were in love, now we’re strangers). And tbh, its scary af bc what if this is it (i’m asking myself, is it over?). BUT ALSO LIKE WTF U COULD REACH OUT FIRST YA KNOW (i’ve been checking my phone all evening).

H-Anna: wtf Louis how do you not see how much this is killing me. I miss you so much and seeing you on tv or in pics drives me wild bc you’re not mine. (I don’t want your sympathy but you don’t know what you do to me...everytime I see your face there’s only so much I can take...I guess it would be nice if I can touch your body). And idk if you’re replacing me (don’t know where you’re laying, just know it’s not with me) and we’re in SUCH a weird place rn how do I tell u you’re the loml (don’t know what I’d say if I passed you on the street...don’t know what I’d tell you if you asked me for the truth) so I refuse to put this song on the album and let you know this and give you satisfaction from knowing how gone I still am for you bc I have 0 idea how you feel (hope you never see this and know that it’s for you)

L-Always You: SO THIS IS ME SWALLOWING MY PRIDE STANDING IN FRONT OF YOU SAYING IM SORRY FOR THAT NIGHT... ok but fr i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u and nothing else compares like i can travel the whole world and all i think about is how much more fun it was with you and the memories we shared and i wish i could just say thx fr th mmrs and move on but actually no thx actually fuck you for making me not able to enjoy my life without you. So like...come home? and wrap your legs around me? also lmao i took El to a gay bar in amsterdam for her bday lmao i miss u come cuddle me and i’ll tell you all about it

L-We Made It: looks like we made it, look how far we’ve come my baby. They saidd I bett they’ll never make it, but just look at us holding onn, we’re still togetherr, still going stronggg. Also to the fans, miss our single bed and the nights we talked about our dreams :-* also Andrew my man luv u

2018-2019

L-KMM: our love was youthful and exhilarating and fucking electric and i think it still can be. dont know what i’d do without you now H

L-DLIBYH: We’re strong babe and we’ve grown and we aren’t gonna let life drag us down. I’m doing better, you’re doing better, this is what we wanted. And now any shit we go through, we’ll go through TOGETHER

L-Too Young: Okay but looking back, that was a lot of shit we went through and we were just babies and i’m sorry for not fighting harder (i cant believe i gave in to the pressure when they said a love like this would never last so i cut you off cuz i didnt know no better) baby i tried, i tried to protect you but like it was just so much and i hate that you got hurt and i wont ever let that happen again. ALso go us for being mature and COMMUNICATING (face to face at the kitchen table, we can finally have a conversation that I wish we could’ve had before). ANd i know you’re an arrogant son of a bitch who can’t admit when he’s sorry so here let ME say i’m sorry that i hurt you darling. Like we were too young to know we had everything BUT now we’re old(er) and can realize that when we’re together, we DO have everything now and omg is this our happily ever after and we can have a daughter and name her Darcy

L-Habit: do i need to spell it out for you iiiiii aaaaaaaaammmmmmm sssssssoooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyy. But tbh i let you go because it felt right because mentally you were already out the door and i needed to give you room to grow babe. And i needed the space too (you gave me the time and the space i was out of control and i’m sorry i let you down). but like also i’ve learned i can’t escape you Styles. You’re always in my fucking heart and my fucking mind and in every essence of my being and somehow I knew that 9 years ago and it took me this long to realize how powerful this really is (guess that that i know what i already knew, i was better with you and i miss you now). Ooooh also my favorite line i wrote (took some time cuz i ran out of energy of playing someone I heard I’m supposed to be and honestly i dont have to choose anymore) like who am i kidding, im done pretending i just wanna be yoursss now

L-Defenseless: I can’t help it okay theres something about you that doesn’t let me stay away. I need you and I know that rekindling this relationship isn’t going to be easy even though it feels so so right. It’s going to be hard work (sleeping on our problems but we’ll solved them in our dreams, wake up early morning and it’s still under the sheets) and we need to communicate and solve our problems but here I am, raw and unfiltered and emotionally naked in front of you ready to lay it all on the table (not sure how to say this right, got so much to lose. NEver been so defenseless). So like this branch I’m reach out to you and you be honest with me too babe (you dont have to keep on being strong for me and you. Acting like you feel no pain, you know i know you do...I can’t get inside, when you’re lost in your pride but you don’t have a thing to prove). Be open with me. Lets talk. Let’s solve problems. Lets have an adult relationship. I’m asking for a little vulnerabiltiy babe. It’s just me. Theres nothing to be scared of

L-Walls: And here you have me in my purest form. No lies, no secrets, no insecurities to hide behind. Losing you was fucking painful but i got through it. I’ve been through hell and back and I’ve fought. And without you, I grew into the person I am. And any further growing i’m doing is gonna be with you. bc it was all for you babe. and honestly i can take anything life throws at me now. I’m strong baby. I’m fucking strong and fucking brave and fucking resilient and...fucking yours. ***** wtf is the I just hope i see you one day and you’ll say to me oh oh********

H-Golden: You are the literal sun and I’m not ready. YOU’RE SUCH A GOOD PERSON (you were way too bright for me, i’m hopeless, broken, so you wait for me in the sky). I’m scared to go through this alone, I need your comfort and your guidance (i can feel you take control of who i am and all i’ve ever known). But you’re scared to go through this with me bc you dont wanna get hurt and i’m too open so where tf does that leave us. ******this could be about coming out especially with the London AND NY secret shows where Harry added the lyric I’m hoping someday you’ll open*******

H-Adore You: You dont have to say you love me, you dont have to say nothing, you dont have to say you’re mine. I’d walk through fire for you. Just let me adore Lou. Like its the only thing I’ll ever do. read: Louis is a great person to just admire what he’s like. ALso I dont need anything back. I just dont want to hide my love for you anymore. I don’t need answers or promises. Just let me adore you. ********the music video is also basically a Louis appreciation post. He was the boy with the smile that the world took away from him. He found Harry lost and loved him and nurtured him and made him confident and allowed him to be who he wanted to be. But in doing so, Harry became big and unsatisfied and wanted to explore the world and was clearly interested in Hollywood and Rockstardom especially evident in his behavior 2014-2015. And Louis wasn’t about that life and didn’t want to hold him back. So he let him free. But they realized that they don’t work apart. Wherever they’re going, they’re going together, as the boy sails into the unknown following the fish. I see it as Harry’s version of “this one is a thank you for what you did for me” ************* I see it, I appreciate it, and I love you for it

H-Lights Up: ****fight with Louis. (What do you mean I’m sorry by the way) About coming out? About fame? (Step into the light, so bright sometimes) Either way, L is the guy driving the motorcycle in the video who makes H feel comfortable and safe until they get pulled over because SOMEONE wont let them love*******

H-Falling: What if i’m out, what if i’m someone you won’t talk about? Okay maybe I lied I do want you to claim me. Would me coming out of the closet make that hard for you? I CAN’T GO THROUGH AN IDENTITY CRISIS WITHOUT YOU LOU. I picked someone supportive and now I’m spoiled and I dont know how to be with myself. You want back in my life but what if I dont deserve it? (you said you cared and you missed me too...what i’m someone i dont want around). What if you’re better off without me? (i get the feeling that you’ll never need me again). I know youve been through so much shit because of me, things you’ve never even told me about and im afraid...that I wasn’t worth it. Am I being selfish? because either way, i want YOU (what if you’re someone i just want around). Does that make me a bad person?

H-TBSL: ****Probably when they starting talking again but it was v casual and they didn’t really discuss their relationship yet*****. I MISS U BUT I WONT TELL U THAT and its nice to talk to u again i missed your voice but if u call me baby i will kill u bc that word has weight OKAY. Like i know you just call everyone babe and darling and sweetheart but baby is FOR ME and only for me when you wake up with me and cuddle me and if you think you have any right calling me baby without giving the luxury of being in a relationship with you then piss off because that shit hurts dude. (i know that you’re trying to be friends, know that you mean it...it’s hard for me to go home to be so lonely). ALso it’s not my fault i’m like this, you literally captured my heart when i was 16 like wtf do u expect (dont blame me for falling, i was just a little boy)

H-Sunflower Vol. 6: we were babies and i was so enamored by you and you’re so bright and beautiful and i want to watch you all day and make you smile and i want you to touch my hair and call me curly and i hope im not making you uncomfortable with my heart eyes but like how are you so perfect. I hope you think i’m cool, i’m really trying but like you’re SO FUNNY and charming and everyone loves you i hope im not embarassing myself. And now it’s like 8 years later and i think i can have you again and i want you so bad but i dont wanna seem too eager and im trying to have dignity and not text you first but like also i want nothing more than to talk to you. Do you think i’m cool now? did you like my new hairstyle? Do you think i’m funny on tour? I want everything i want to be domestic again and kiss in the kitchen and i want to cook for you and as;ldfa;sdhaf i want to buy you flowers everyday and shower ur cute face with kiss. boopx28

H-Canyon Moon: Hell yea i got ma man back and i have a girlfriend named Jennifer ;) and we are domestic and even though I HATE being away from him for work (so hard to leave it) we have the 2 week rule yall then i can wrap my legs around him and after so so so long I’ll be h.o.m.e. Also did i tell you his eyes are so so blue like sky who i dont know her

H-TPWK: So we’re really doing this. We don’t need to have it all figured out. We can just be us. and happy. and dance. The world loves us babe. (Giving second chances, I don’t need all the answers and if we’re here long enough we’ll see it’s all for us and we’ll belong)

H-Fine Line: You’ve got my devotion but man I can hate you sometimes....We’ll be a fine line. Between what? love and hate? public and private? out and in the closet? each others’ and ourselves? Idk. But i’m going to swallow my pride (my hands at risk I fold) because no matter what, the worst possible outcome is not having you. And I never wanna go through that again. I know we have work to do on our relationship (spreading you open is the only way I know you). And there’s lot of unknown here (there’s things that we’ll never know) but what i do know is that i cant resist you (you sunshine you temptress) and i cant be without you ever again. I think it’ll be hard as hell. But when have we known love as anything but hard? And when have we known our love as anything but worth it? We’ll be a fine line baby. But i know, i knowww with every part of me that we’ll be alright. Because these past 10 years, we’ve been through A LOT. ANd it could have ruined us and made us cynical and cold and closed off. And I think at one point it did. But you know what we did? We fought it. We fought it together. Then we fought it individually. And we became BRAVE. And a brilliant man once said, “love is only for the brave”.

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stanchonkyman · 4 years

Text

☆Fear of Heights☆

☆Stanley Pines x Reader☆

♡Fluff♡

-•☆~~~~☆•-

You had been waiting all day for this moment. It had been a long day at the Mystery Shack. The place had been flooding with customers, just waiting to be scammed by none other than Stanley Pines, better known as Mr. Mystery. Though, that had became part of the fun for everyone in Gravity Falls. You, of course just loved the place. You started working there in the beginning of the summer, meeting Stan, Wendy, Soos, and of course Dipper and Mable. You loved them of course. They felt like family to you by now.

But there was someone who always managed to spark more feeling in you than others.

Stanley Pines.

You stood at the sink and washed your hands of all the grime you gained while working, when you felt a presence behind you. She froze and turned your head slightly. Stan was there meeting your gaze. "Oh-! God- Hey there, Stan." You greeted with a slight sigh if relief. "You really startled me there." Stan laughed at your statement. "Hey. That's what I'm here for." He winked, getting a chuckle out of you. This brought that genuine smile to his face that you always loved. Surprisingly, you were the only ones aside from Mable, and Dipper that could manage to give him that smile. The thought of that always warmed your heart.

"Okayyyy.. well, why exactly were you trying to sneak up on me? Its not like you just wanted to scare me." You urged, giving a playful smirk toward Stan. Though, he kept his little smile and looked to the side. "Well. I actually did have something to ask of you." He said. "Oh? What is it?" You tilted your head with curiosity. "Mable, Dipper and me are going to the carnival tomorrow. How about you come along?" He asked. It felt like fireworks were going off inside you. Finally. Some more time with Stan outside of work. That was always a good time.

"Of course! Sounds fun!" You chirped. "Great. See you tonight at 5." Stan grinned. You nodded. "Perfect." You swung your arms around him in a happy hug. You felt Stan stiffen at your motion. You froze and noticed how forward you could have seemed. But before you could pull away, his arms wrapped around you in return. He relaxed into the hug and laid his head against your shoulder. Your face heated up and you gave a light chuckle, just glad you hadn't upset him with your move. "Well. I'll see you then. Dont have too much fun without me." You released yourself from the hug and sent him a wink before basically flying out the door. "You dont have to tell me twice!" He shouted to you with a wave, followed by a distant chuckle.

Once you got home, you nearly melted into your bed. The amount of joy you felt was indescribable. You quickly got up. You did want to look nice.. Stan was going to be there after all. He may be old, but he certainly has standards. You went and opened up your closet, having yet another spark of joy when you saw all the photos of you and the pines family attached to your door. So, you picked out some jeans and a nice comfortable top. After a moment, you put it on and looked in the mirror. You (S/C) skin looked radiant and your (H/C) strands fell delicately. You made any more adjustments till you felt it was perfect. You shot yourself a smile. "Well, (Y/N). Here we go." You grabbed a bag and slung it over your shoulder before sprinting out the door.

After running along the sidewalk for a while, you saw the carnival out in a field. There were rides and cheesy games with prizes, along with those snack stands with all the crappy fried foods. You hadn't been to a carnival in so long.. you nearly felt like you were a kid once more. The smells and the sounds of laughter really gave you a sense of joy. Of course it would be even better as soon as- "Hey (Y/N)! (Y/N)! Over here!" There it was. Mable called your name and turned and jogged over to the group. "Hey (Y/N)! I'm so glad you could make it!" Mable gushed happily, jumping up and hugging you happily. She had become very fond of you over the summer. Dipper looked up and smiled awkwardly. "Hello (Y/N)." He greeted. You waved back to him happily, then feeling another pair of arms wrap around you from behind.

"Stan! Hi!" You chirped, not even having to look back to know it was him. You recognized that hold anywhere. "Hey there (Y/N). I see you didnt ditch us." He grinned, releasing you from his strong grip. For an oldie, he was pretty strong. And that didn't surprise you in the least. You laughed. "Of course I wouldn't ditch you! Why would I do that? You guys are my best friends." You smiled happily to the three. Earning big smiles from each of them. "Ohhhh!!! Grunkle Stan! (Y/N)! I have an ideaaaaa!" She said through a near squeal. Dipper noticed what she was talking about and immediately recoiled and looked at you and Stan. Stan and you looked at one another then back at Mabel. "What is it?" Stan questioned and you nodded as if wondering the same thing.

"You both should go on the ferris wheel together!! You know, like couples do when they get to the top, then give each other and kiss!" Mabel chirped. Both your and Stans faces erupted in a red color. "Mabel-!" You choked out, covering your mouth. "Theres no way in hell-" Stan was cut off by Mabel. "Why notttttt? Are you scareddddd?" She grinned, holding her arms between her back with a seemingly innocent smile. "Oh boy.." Dipper facepalmed and shook his head slowly. "I-" Stan gritted his teeth. "You.." he looked at you. Then back at Mabel, narrowing his eyes. "I ain't scared. I ain't scared of anything." Suddenly, Stans hand grasped yours tightly, your hand basically be engulfed by his.

Before you could protest, Stan was at the ferris wheel. "Go ahead and get in." He told you. You bit your lip and did so. Stan took a breath and got in beside you. The person working the ferris wheel lowered the bar once your seatbelts were secured. Stan still gripped your hand.. and when the ride jerked to a start, his hand tightened around yours. You winced and bit your lip, carefulling looking at Stan. He looked like he was trying to keep a calm face, but he was sweating a bit. He looked.. nervous or scared? Was he afraid of heights? You weren't sure, but you rubbed his hand softly with your thumb. He looked at you. "You okay...(Y/N)?" He asked in a tone as if he was as trying to sound tough.

"Yes... I'm fine. Are you okay though? You seem stressed.." You said softly, wrapping your free arm around him carefully. The cart rocked, causing Stan to flinch. "Hey, hey. Its okay." You said softly, rubbing his arm gently. "You don't like heights, do you?" You questioned softly. Stan looked at you cautiously, shaking his head slightly. "Alright. That's fine. It doesnt matter how tough you are. We all have fears." You reassured him. He shook his head. "No.. I'm not scared." He said. "Its okay to be vulnerable, Stan." You moved and held both of his hands in yours. "Everything's going to be okay. We're going through this together." You reassured him, holding his hands tightly. Then, the ferris wheel stopped. You looked around and that's when you noticed. You were at the top.

Stan froze in place, keeping his 'tough' face. You could sense the stress radiating off of him. "Stan.." you looked at him and cupped his cheek. He looked at you quickly, subconsciously leaning into your touch. Your cheeks warmed slightly. "I'm right here. You're safe. Just focus on me." You told him, earning a small nod from him. He leaned closer to you. "Stan?" He wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you closer to him. The cart rocked slightly and Stan barely reacted this time. He seemed focused on something else. And that something was you. He leaned his forehead against yours. Your face burned a deep red. You could faintly hear Mabel cheering in the background. Stan gave you a look as if asking for permission. You thought for a second. Then have a soft nod. "As long as it's because you want to.."

Without another word, Stan's lips touched yours, and like that the world seemed to freeze. Everything froze and all you could feel was the man in front of you. You cupped both of his cheeks and closed your eyes, melting into the kiss. His scruff brushed against your skin. His hands tightened around your waist to keep you secured. You rubbed his cheek gently with your thumb. It was soft and loving.. which wasnt something you expected from Stan. You expected it to be rough almost, but not in this moment. Maybe it was the fear or the stress. All traces of tension left his body when he pulled his lips back to take a breath. His forehead rested against yours. "Everythings okay. We survived." He looked up. You both reached the bottom of the ferris wheel.

The bar lifted up and the both of you got up, gripping each others hand as you stepped forward, back to Mabel and Dipper. "OH MY GODDDDD!! I got a new scrapbook moment! Look!" Mabel held up her scrapbook, showing both you and Stan a picture of your guy's kiss. Your face reddened. But Stan merely smiled. "Nice catch, sweetie." He ruffled her hair, earning a happy giggle from her. "Anyways, you both go play around. (Y/N) and me have some fun to have." Stan looked at you a sent a wink your way, causing you to go more red than before. Mabel nodded and grabbed Dippers arm, running off and soon theh dissapeared into the crowd. You looked back at Stan. He grinned at you and pressed a kiss to your cheek. You couldnt help but smile. "So.. does this mean?" You questioned shyly. Stan wrapped his arm around your shoulder. "Take it as you will, toots." He pressed another kiss to your temple. You giggled and laid your head against him. Today was a good day..

#gravity falls #grunkle stan #mabel pines #dipper pines #Stan x reader #Stan pines x reader #Stanley x reader #Stanley Pines x Reader #grunkle stan x reader #gravity falls x reader #fluff #reader insert #Stan/reader #stan pines/reader #stanley pines/reader

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shaggi · 3 years

Text

if i could stop time, i would

info ; eren x reader ; soulmates ; 1.8k

content warning ; end of the world concept, mentions of not really wanting to live lol, gentle angst

Day one. 72 hours until the world ends.

The world is going to shit. I know it is because I can hear the panicked buzz of mothers holding their children close and reassuring them as the news practically burned "we're all going to die" into our heads.

My fingers twitched as they held the dark blue fabric of my jeans. I'm terrified ㅡ as is the rest of the people watching the news ㅡ and it most definitely doesnt help when they plaster a large timer onto the screen counting down our days and hours left on our beloved blue planet.

"We never thought this day would come.. Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached the end of the chapter." The words echoed into the back of my mind. 'The end of the chapter'? I havent even really lived my life? I'm only seventeen.. I barely made it to graduation. I suck in a deep breath, filling my lungs fully before releasing the built up pressure.

Theres a burning sensation on my waterline, tears threatening to roll down my cheeks. My hands begin to shake when I think back to all the sleepless nights I spent not enjoying life. I took life for granted ㅡ and now it's going to end in three days. In seventy-two hours, it's all going to go away. That's not enough time to say all the things I didnt have a chance to say.

Wasted opportunities.

Wasted chances that I now no longer have control over.

My legs suddenly feel like spaghetti and walking seems like a foriegn topic to me. I just need to sit down, take a breather.

Who am I kidding. The storm inside me is raging on tonight and my hands have a handful of messy locks.

I catch glimpse of inked red calligraphy spelling out the name 'Eren' that is marked onto the inside of my forearm in small writing just an inch below my wrist. My heart swells with sadness.

The sense of realization settles in, practically telling me to 'let this sink in for a little'. I'm not ever going to get the chance to meet my soulmate. I'll never get the satisfaction of weaving their fingers with mine, to lay on the couch on cold winter nights with blankets drooped over our shoulders. Never get the chance to tell them I love them over and over again, to brush their hair behind their ears, grab them by the smooth skin of theirs and feel the fireworks of pressing my lips against their own.

I wont feel the sweet electricity course through me like people explained would happen when they touched their soulmate for the first time. I've spent seventeen years searching for this perfect person in the happiness of this little town. The universe promised a perfect person, they never promised me to meet them though.

The younger generations were lucky, for they werent born with marks. They werent tied to someone, so they dont have anything to lose other than the fact that they're too young to leave this world.

A crowd begins to pull outside, staring at the sky with both a mix of admiration and fear. The blue sky has begun to turn itself into a peach color. My town's happy vibe has now turned uneasy, scared, unsure.

That day, I walk home slowly when the sky begins to darken, taking the scenery of the autumn leaves disarray upon the concrete sidewalk. If the world is ending in three days, I'm going to make the most of it. Soak it up like a sponge. Do what I should've been doing these past seventeen years and love life for once ㅡ despite all the wrong. Despite the fact that I'll never graduate, and never meet my soulmate. I force myself to disregard the nagging thoughts that tug at my conscious.

I dont think about the fact that I'll never get a chance to buy my first apartment.

I dont think about how I wont be able to wake up every morning to make my significant other breakfast.

And I most certainly dont think about how I'll never be able to take my lovers hand at the alter and say with great pride, "I do."

Day 2. 48 hours until the world ends.

Today, I woke up early. Early enough that the sun still hasn't peaked over the clouds. They say that if you wake up early enough the day takes longer to end.

The aching pain in my chest never seems to cease. I laugh a little bitterly at the calander on the wall, I feel like its mocking me now. A part of me wants to rip the thing to shreds and scream until my throat is raw ㅡ but I said I'd make the best of these last days. So, I push these bitter thoughts from my mind and start up a warm shower.

Seventeen years of not wanting to be alive, and now I only have two days to live until the entire world completely goes to shit. Ironic, isn’t it? Why now am I so angry? The water is warm trickling down my bare body, as my shower thoughts continue treading forward to how I could make life better in less than forty-eight hours.

I walk down a different road today, deciding that routine wasnt necessary when the world is going to end in forty-eight hours. The countdown continues on nearby TVs, the bright white luminous against the dark morning sky.

It makes me feel anxious.

Destruction clouds my mind, but I bite my lip and hold my ground. This situation will not drive me crazy.

The town is a lot quieter than I expected, then again it's only 6 in the morning.

The day carries on just as any other day, the air seems heavier though. It's the night time that brings chaos.

You see, I've been walking around town all day blowing that last little bits of money I have on little things that have no purpose. The sky is the same sunset peach as it was yesterday, only barely hinting at a blue color.

There's a faint noise a few blocks from where I am standing, and at first I chose the ignore it. The yelling got louder and louder until I felt my feet pull like magnets to what was going on.

Chocolate hair, smooth tan skin shining under the soft orange of the sky, handfuls of someones shirt as this mystery man pinned some junky against the rough brick wall. His eyes held a killer glow, practically fuming from the ears. I was going to mind my own business, but then I saw the other strike at the brunette ㅡ and I dont know why, but I stepped in.

A surprise attack, a blow right to the face, maybe a minor bruise on my cheek from when the other decided to attack back ㅡ but soon he left. I turn my gaze back to the brunette who still sits on the floor, palms pressed into the concrete.

"I didnt need your help," he hissed, dusting his hands against the black fabric of his jeans.

"Oh you're welcome for saving your ass, wasnt a problem at all." My hand lifts to my face, pressing onto the bruise and wincing before squatting next to this stranger. "Is it bad? Let me see," The moment my hand makes contact with the others chin I feel the rush of electricity course through me.

Overwhelming is an understatement. Sweet emotions flooded through my mind but I can feel the pounding of fear in my veins, and bittersweet it was. When I retract my hand, I see that he's mirrored the exact expression I have; eyes blown wide, fear in the darks of his pupils.

"Eren..?" trying to keep my voice from cracking seems hard, and it comes out more like a whisper. This situation leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. Where the hell has he been for seventeen years? Why is he just now showing up?

Eren immediately sprung to his feet, taking a few steps back with no words to say. I snatched at his left arm, pushing the sweaters sleeve up and over his forearm to see my name inked in blue against his paper skin. "So.. you're my soulmate?" I promise I didnt mean to make it sound disappointed ㅡ but in a way, I guess you could say I was.

So many questions raced through my mind; but the biggest question of all was why? Why now of all times we could've met? Why must I be gifted with the worst luck.

Eren isnt a bad person though, and in the few hours we've spent together I can tell you this; His favorite color is red, he lives with his mother and a girl that his family took in when they were very little - who he loves dearly, he can play guitar very well, he looks absolutely adorable with his hair tied up, and that's only the stuff he's told me within the first hour.

Words cannot express how much I wished we could have more time together, but the bright TV clocks continue to remind me that our time is running out.

"There's nothing more I'd rather do than to spend my last moments with you," Eren whispered, golden flecks in his beautiful ocean eyes. His hand was held in mine as the pained expression washed over his face. Somewhere in the conversation led us to this point of heartbreak. We both explained how we wanted nothing more than to meet earlier in life, but apparently the universe had a different plan.

The idea of parting with Eren now just seemed like a waste, and I'd much rather take my dying last breath next to the one I looked for my entire life. Falling in love is easy when you've got nothing to live for.

The walk back to my house is silent, but it's a comfortable silence, and we never seem to let go of each others hands. The house is quiet and dark when we enter.

The rest of the remaining night we have is spent cuddled under the thick blanket of mine, Eren held me close to his chest as we whisper sweet things that wont mean much in a few hours. Chaste kisses are showered over the male as I remind him of how I never stopped searching for him.

He studied my face, moving a strand of hair behind my ear before placing his palm onto my cheek and rubbing his thumb across the smoothness underneath my eye. I could feel my breath begin to shallow and my heart skip a beat. I loved the way his eyes sparkled under my dim-lit room, the way I could feel his heartbeat pulsing from how close we lay where, how steady his breathing was, and how gentle he caressed me.

Its bittersweet, and I never believed in the after life, but with him - maybe, just maybe, we will meet again in the next life.

#attack on titan #eren yeager #shaggis writing #shaggis cloud #soulmarks #eren x y/n #eren aot #snk #eren fluff #eren angst

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gautiersylvain · 4 years

Note

Sam and Mason for the ship meme, please!

( ͡❛ ͜ʖ ͡❛)

General:

How long will they last? forever....thank you for my soulmates

How quickly did/will they fall in love? theyre very slowly walking into love with each other, but they definitely had that moment of recognition (well probably mason didn’t know what the feeling was but anyways) when they met like this person is significant and we were meant to be in each other’s lives in some capacity

How was their first kiss? literally fireworks....they’re both good kissers and they have all this built up tension so when they finally kiss for the first time it’s like the lady gaga gif show stopping amazing incredible talented etc lol

Wedding:

Who proposed? this is SO TOUGH because i could see either of them proposing, i guess realistically sam would be more likely to propose but it would be so much more fun/funnt for mason to propose slemsfjojsf

Who is in the wedding party? they would have a very small, low key, intimate wedding so i imagine a small wedding party...probably Ava, Felix, Nat, and Tina

Who did the most planning? probably Sam but Mason would definitely have strong opinions about certain things and he would make his opinions known

Who stressed the most? somehow Nat lmao

How fancy was the ceremony? - Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? Bobby lmfaooo

Sex:

Who is on top? ah it depends, Mason tops more than Sam does but they do switch it up sometimes

Who is the one to instigate things? generally Mason

How healthy is their sex life? - Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

How kinky are they? - Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How long do they normally last? idk I feel like Mason could last a reaaaally long time...Sam can last a decently long time for a non-vampire lol

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? yes! Mason loves seeing how many times he can make Sam come

How rough are they in bed? there was a very fun number chart here but i didnt know how to rate Sam and Mason on it because their sex really changes depending on their moods and what they both need at the moment, but they never get so rough that anyone gets hurt

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? they don’t plan to have kids so zero

How many children will they adopt? as of now....none

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? Sam is the better cook so they cook more often to start, but Mason starts to join them when they make meals to spend time with them and he actually learns a thing or two

Who is the most picky in their food choice? (maybe surprisingly?) Mason

Who does the grocery shopping? usually Sam early on, but similar to cooking meals Mason begins to go grocery shopping with them and soon the two are usually shopping together

How often do they bake desserts? not as often as they would like, Sam is a better baker than cook but their lives keep them busy

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? Mason is a meat lover, Sam is a pescatarian who hates salads

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? honestly probably neither, both of them would rather celebrate their anniversary in other ways

Who is more likely to suggest going out? Sam

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidentally while cooking? Mason before he swallows his pride and learns a few cooking tips from Sam

Chores:

Who cleans the room? Sam

Who is really against chores? Mason would complain about having to clean but always does it without having to be asked or reminded

Who cleans up after the pets? Mason

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? neither, Mason tried it once and Sam figured out what he did almost immediately

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? SAM lol something they picked up from their mom

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? Sam

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? generally Sam, Mason likes to join them sometimes unless he knows they want time alone to unwind

Who takes the dog out for a walk? Mason!

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? Sam is waaay into decorating for the holidays

What are their goals for the relationship? I guess they dont have “””traditional””” goals like getting married or having kids, really they just want to love and support each other and help the other become the best version of themself

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? it would be Mason if he wasnt a vampire, both of them are usually up by 9am

Who plays the most pranks? neither really? they do tease each other a lot but they aren’t really into pranks

#personal #ship: one day you'll trust them more than you trust yourself #fsjelsfm i love them so much #thank you!!#elmshore

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cncobby · 5 years

Text

CNCO at Disneyland/California Adventures

as a native californian and an avid disney lover writing this WRECKED me so i hope you all enjoy~

JOEL

cali boy obviously loves his disney

u guys are season passholders duh

always there right when the park opens

he refuses to let go of your hand the whole day

“babe you don’t have to hold my hand all the time ya know? its not even that crowded today”

“nah i gotta or else you’ll get lost”

*eye roll* “yeah ok dork”

being so cutesy in line

all the smooches??

just like small ones when you’re leaning on him since the lines are long

forehead ones

cheek ones

so many smooches all over ur face

forcing him to wear the minnie ears

“they look cute i PROMISE”

“can’t i just wear the hat??”

“uh no this is what the people want”

taking his sunglasses for yourself

“baby this is why you should just let me buy you new sunglasses”

“why when i can just wear yours??”

so. many. selfies.

i mean what else is there to do in line???

cute ones, funny ones, gross ones

he’s really good at taking candids of you

attempting to do cute poses when the cameras take pictures of you at the end of the ride

him being pouty bc the ride messed up his hair

“baaaaabe can you fix my hair again the ride messed it up”

taking the cutest couple pics in front of the castle

watching the fireworks together!!!

u guys are just talking when u absentmindedly note that your dream proposal would be at disney

he’s like “noted as FUCK” to himself

CHRISTOPHER

he’s SO EXCITED

being the big kid he is he’s so excited for all the rides

also just spending a day with his baby?? his favorite activity

tbh his favorite part is all the food

you guys probably spend more time eating than on rides

seeing his face when u buy him that giant turkey leg is PRICELESS

u have to stop him from stopping at LITERALLY every cart/restaurant

“baby if you eat that rn you’re going to vomit on the ride”

“BUT ITS BLUE CHURROS”

has the most fun on autopia and the cars ride tbh

(since he gets to drive like a fucking maniac)

he LOVES all the characters

fuck the princesses he wants pictures with pluto and goofy

he screams louder than you on rollercoasters

buying matching couple stuff

matching hoodies

matching bracelets

matching mickey and minnie ears

he surprisngly loves the train that takes you around disney

(also gives him an excuse to smooch you during the tunnel parts)

he falls in love with toontown

loves how cartoony everything looks

once u guys go over to california adventures he literally is exploding with excitement

end up spending the rest of the day there

(not that you mind he’s so cute how can you say no)

literally squeezes ur hand to death on california screaming

he’s also fascinated with soaring over california??? “AMOR IT SMELLS LIKE ORANGES”

you end the day on silly symphony swings overlooking how pretty everything looks at night

“lets do this again baby”

“yeah? you liked it that much?”

“yeah i also like how happy you look when we’re here”

that makes u have the BIGGEST smile

ur so in love w this goof

RICHARD

took you on a surprise date!

he knows how much u love it and he FINALLY had some free time

woke u up at the ass crack of dawn

“baby wake up i have a surprise for you”

ur like ???? bro its SEVEN IN THE MORNING

so u just throw on a oversized shirt and leggings

and then all of a sudden ur in the car???

u see the disney hotels suddenly and ur like ... wait

“YOU DIDNT”

he smiles that cute toothy smile he has

“i did baby, we’re going to disney!”

you’re literally bouncing in your seat

he’s laughing at how adorable you are

u guys go during christmas disney and everything is so pretty and magical

homeboy came prepared with a whole bag of snacks and drinks

also bough matching ears beforehand that say “mr. and mrs,”

you’re like huh foreshadowing are we???

he just winks at you

*swoon*

going on all the rides but also just walking around looking at how beautiful everything is??

he is the perfect insta boyfriend taking cute pics of u in every possible angle

starts calling you princesa throughout the day bc he see’s how much u love the princesses there

he also got u guys a reseravation to the blue bayou???

wow this man really owns ur heart

also u guys may have made out on the pirates ride

(who doesnt lets be honest)

giving you piggyback rides when your feet get tired

“cant let mi princesa have sore feet”

buying souvenirs for aaliyah

“do u think she’d like this??”

“maybe i should buy both”

you’re like babe i think she would like the stuffed turtle and the stuffed fish but do u

stay really late and ur both pooped at the end of the day

he’s like one more surprise!!

ended up getting you a suite at the disney hotel

“nothing but the best for my princess”

u really have found the disney prince you’ve been searching for

ZABDIEL

u guys go during halloween disney!!

couples costume as harry and ginny

(yes i know they arent disney characters)

forces u to go on haunted mansion twice

“babe its literally just looking at stuff”

“yeA BUT ITS HALLOWEEN STUFF”

“ohmygod”

eating everything and anything pumpkin

buying all the halloween treats!!

“zabdi that looks nasty plus we have enough food”

“theres never enough halloween food”

he’s so sad tower of terror isnt actually tower of terror anymore

watching live shows together!!

he ends up loving mickey and the magical map

taking a boat ride on mark twain riverboat to take a break from walking

cuddling together and just being happy bc its halloween and your with ur baby what else is better???

you guys end up sitting at a restuarant and just people watching

looking at all the cute couples costumes

and all the little kids who are dressed up

he casually just like ... drops a BOMB

“when we have kids they can go as lilo and stich and we can go as nani and david”

u look at him like uh what did u say

just winks at you and is like

“yeah i said it amor i wanna have kids with you”

takes every ounce of self restraint to not jump out of your seat and give him the biggest smooch

bc hello family friendly park fellas

when u guys watch the parade or the fireworks he always hoists you onto his shoulders

“can’t let my little shortie miss out”

buying matching pins!!

u guys start collecting and trading pins together

so now everytime he’s free in california u guys make a point to try and go to disney at least once

ERICK

baby is soooo excited

they rarely get time off and its been TOO LONG since he’s visited disney

u guys legit get there as the park opens

he has SO MUCH ENERGY

running around and dragging you to every ride

his favorite is astro blasters

also loves the bugs life section in california adventures??

runs around to all the little rides and games

posing and taking cute photos together with the different characters

showing him all the “secret” disney food

he LOVES the light show at the end of the the night

sharing frozen lemonades and ice creams

u guys go to all the less crowded/less known places in disney

he loves the goats near adventureland

u end up getting SOAKED on splash mountain

literally RUSHES to get u a new outfit bc he cant have his baby being cold thats a no no

ur just standing there giggling as he’s running around the gift shop trying to find clothes in ur size

u end up in an overized tie dye shirt and basketball shorts

“erick i look ridculous”

“i think you look beautiful cariña”

“ur just biased”

*him being fake offended*

“are you saying i dont have good fashion sense???”

“yes thats exactly what i’m saying”

“...you make a good point”

he loves watching the frozen show

(even tho a part of u is heartbroken aladdin isnt showing anymore)

(he’d make such a handsome aladdin)

you guys end up strolling around main street near the end of the night

just taking cute ass pics together and looking at all the cute souvenirs

he gets u a cute little heart bracelet

engraved is his initials in it

“there mi vida, so my heart is always with you”

#cnco #cncowners #cncowner #cnco imagines #cnco fanfic #cnco headcannon #joel pimentel #christopher velez #richard camacho #erick brian colon #zabdiel de jesus

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peacedolantwins · 5 years

Text

Holiday Memories (G.D.)

this was completely @moonlightdolans27 idea so thanks so much babe hopefully y’all like it?

“Mommy can we get a hot chocolate?” Your four year old daughter Elisa tugged on your sleeve while pointing to one of the many stands.

“Sure baby, c'mon,” You took her hand and let her pull you away.

Grayson watched as you helped her pour marshmallows into her cup and he couldnt help but laugh when she poured so much that there was now a pile floating on top of her hot chocolate. As you two made your way back to where he was standing, Elisa put her hand in your pocket while you held on to two other cups.

“Thanks, love,” He took the cup you offered. You looked down at your daughter to see her eating the marshmallows one by one before they could melt. You all stood around waiting for the tree lighting ceremony to start.

It was something that your city did every year. They would light up the whole plaza park and after, there would a parade and fireworks that followed. Although you do enjoy the holidays yourself, you knew your husband absolutely loved Christmas. The decorations, the lights, the family, just everything about it. So after you had your little girl you decided to make it a tradition to go every year and Ellie took just after Grayson.

She loved Christmas. She was always asking when you could take out the decorations as soon as the weather started getting cold. Grayson was so excited that his little girl was always happy to go Christmas shopping with him. Every time they would come back shopping she would always go running to you excited to show you what they bought.

As the countdown started, you felt constant pulling on your arm.

“Mommy I cant see!” Elisa looked up at you, clearly upset she didnt have a clear view of the giant tree.

“Daddy can you pick me up please? Please!” Not wanting to see his daughter upset Gray passed you back his cup of hot chocolate and scooped her and placed her on his shoulders so she could see everything now.

“How's that, hun?” He held on to her ankles while she placed her hands on his head.

“Better! Thank you daddy!” You watched the scene before you with your heart full. Elisa quickly kissed the top of Grays head as a thank you but went back to paying attention to the giant tree. You loved your little family and there wasnt a single thing you would change about it.

“3… 2… 1… MERRY CHRISTMAS!”

The whole plaza lit up. The giant tree now glowed and looking around you saw the giant smiles on the most important people in your lifes faces. Even though you came every year, it was always like seeing the lights for the first time. The giant tree along with the other trees were all lit up. Other decorations made paths clear with the beautiful lights.

“Mommy look!”

“I see, baby. Its pretty huh?” She nodded her head and went back to looking around. You felt Gray slip his hand into yours and you leaned into his side. Despite all the layers you had on, nothing was ever as warm as him and that was something you were appreciating more than ever with the cold weather.

After taking pictures with the lights and watching the parade and fireworks, you guys decided to head over to the ice rink that Elisa had been begging to go over to. You didnt know how it would go considering she had never been skating before but she said it looked fun and neither you or Gray was ever able to say no to her when she was so excited about something.

After renting the skates and putting them on, it was obvious that she was already scared about simply standing on the blades. You knew if she was really scared and didnt want to she would say something so you decided to let her make that call on her own. She walked between the both of you, clutching both your hands for dear life to make sure she wouldnt fall.

Grayson decided he would go first so he could help her onto the ice while you would be behind her in case she fell. As she took one step on the ice, she slipped a little bit and quickly backed away from the ice and hid her face in your legs while she wrapped her arms around you.

“I dont like it! No!” She cried into your legs and you moved off to the side to let others pass. Although you didnt want to force her to do it, you wanted to be sure.

“Elisa look at mommy please?” You knelt down in front of her and gently put your finger under her chin to lift her head up. “Are you sure you dont want to go? Its not that bad hun”

“Ellie can I tell you something?” Grayson leaned over the railing of the rink. She nodded her head and walked over to him.

“Did you know I taught your mommy how to ice skate?”

“You did?” She looked back at you and you nodded.

“Uh-huh. You're already doing so much better than she was! You were able to walk over here without falling, you did so good!” You rolled your eyes but also laughed at the memory.

“Gray- GRAYSON DO NOT LEAVE ME HERE!” You yelled after him as he started walking away without you. You had never gone ice skating in your entire life and he thought it would be a fun idea. He said he would help you but apparently that help was gone after he helped you lace up the skates correctly.

He turned around to see struggling to find your balance on the blades and couldnt help a laugh from escaping his lips. You looked like a baby deer trying to walk for the first time and it was the funniest thing.

“Dont just stand there! Come help me!” You were holding on to the chairs you were at fully aware of how you looked. A full grown woman screaming for help over simply standing in ice skates. No wonder everyone around kept giving you strange looks.

“I'll make you a deal, babe. You walk over to me from there and I wont leave your side till you get the hang of it.”

“Seriously?” He only nodded his head and leaned against the chairs. Sighing you started taking the smallest steps possible. When a few little kids came running from behind you, it startled you and you fell into the chairs behind you.

“Oh my god, are you okay?” Grayson said between laughs. As much as he felt bad, he knew you werent seriously hurt and couldnt help but laugh at seeing you get so scared over some little kids running around.

“I could have died all because you didnt wanna help me!”

“Sweat heart we both know youre fine, c’mon.” He put his hand out for you to grab onto. You stood up with his help and quickly grabbed onto his arm, not wanting to fall over again. You knew he was laughing at you but you didnt care. The closer he got to ice you started regretting agreeing to this. He let go of you and you grabbed the railing. Grayson got on the ice and held out his hand once again to help you on. As you stepped on, you felt your leg slide from the smooth surface and you quickly stepped back off the ice.

“Nope. Nope, this was fun I had such a great time, can we go now?”

“Babe, give it a shot please?” He gave you that look that he knew you could never say no to. Again, you tried stepping onto the ice and you braced yourself with his arms the whole time until you were completely on the ice.

“Look that wasnt so bad, was it?” You glared up at him and all he did was laugh. He stayed standing in front facing you and he slowly started moving backward.

“No, Grayson no!”

“Relax Y/N, we have to start moving just a little bit, you'll be fine, I promise.”

After some more of him coaching you through it, you were able to let go of him and start going on your own. After an hour or so, you were finally having a good time. You had finally gotten the hang of it and you went from not being able to stand on your own to being chased on the ice by your boyfriend.

“Yes baby, daddy taught me how to go super fast without falling. Dont you wanna give it a try?” She looked between the both of you trying to see if you were trying to trick her but after a few seconds she nodded her head. You lead her back to the entrance and Grayson met you there.

“Okay Ellie, grab onto my arms and slowly step up,” he told her as he held out his arms. You stood behind her ready to catch her if she fell backward.

Once she was on the ice, you could both tell she was freaking out a little bit. “Hey, you're okay, daddy's not going to let you fall I promise.”

You switched with him so now you were in front of her and he was able to hold on to her from behind. You held her hands as he made sure he was ready to help and catch her in case she fell. Slowly, Grayson started moving forward and she grabbed on even tighter to your hands. She slipped a few times but each time she fell safely into his arms and was ready to keep going. After a while she let go of your hands but Gray stayed right behind her.

You skated alongside them and watched with a smile at her and her father sharing a moment together. You knew how much he loved spending time with her and making memories with her. This was definitely something neither one of them would be forgetting.

After a while she said she wanted to try by herself and Grayson stayed a little further behind her just in case. You both watched with pride as she left him and smoothly made her way towards where you were a few feet in front of her.

“Mommy look I did it!” She looked so proud of herself and you couldnt fight the smile making its way to your lips.

“You did! Good job Ellie!” You bent down and gave her a hug. She wanted to keep going by herself so you made sure she didnt go too fast and stayed close by. Grayson came up behind you and wrapped his arms around you.

“You're such a good dad, you know that?” You leaned into him.

“And you're such a great mom, babe. Couldnt do any of it without you.” He placed a kiss on your cheek as you both looked at your daughter.

“She's getting so big… I was thinking of maybe having another one?” You turned around to face him.

“Really?” He asked with a smile on his face. You knew he wanted a big family and you figured Elisa was old enough and you were ready to have another baby.

“Why not? I feel like we're ready dont you think?”

“It's your body hun, so when you're ready, I'm ready. If you want five more or never want another one, I'm happy with what we already have. I would love another one, a little brother or sister for her.” You felt his hand move lower and rest on your stomach. You both knew there was nothing there, but just the thought made you both happy and excited.

Elisa made her way back to you both and she quickly joined in on your hug even though she had no idea what was going on. Grayson picked her up and placed her on his hip and she wrapped her small arms around the both of you as best as she could. You all stood there with each other for a minute, your heart full of love for your beautiful family.

#dolan twins #dolan twins imagine #grayson dolan #grayson dolan imagine #dolan twins fic #grayson dolan fic #mine #fic

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sharing-tangerines · 5 years

Text

Stranger Things 3 Thoughts pt. 2

Ep 4-8 LONG NOTES

• Max gives no shits this season and I'm loving it

• Nancy and Jonathon are having two very different argument. Its one argument but they're talking about different things and that's fascinating

• Michael that is the most lackluster plan in the world

• Is Karen attempting to be a good mom again? Wooaaahhhh

• Steve Harrington and your button pressing habits I love u

• You are my daaaaaad! You're my dad! Boogiewoogiewoogie

• Wow dacre is really killing it this season all the applause to u sir

• WOAH WTF

• That's some true love shit right there romance is dead but also kinda not

• "YEAH IM GREAT NOW THST I KNOW THAT THE RUSSIANS INVENTED ELEVATORS"

• That one guy looks like Russian terminator

• MURRAY IS BACK

• Steve u cant keep getting into fights

• Hey look he actually won a fight

• When did lucas become such an expert on dating

• Seriously is it like that w all guys like they act clueless one moment and then the next they know exactly how the female mind works?

• Thank god I have a girlfriend

• Eleven sits like a gay ohmygod

• Is the rest of the hospital just fine while these 2 floore are fucked up?

• Monster killing couple damn

• Dustin is kind of a big mood

• Nancy isn't having the greatest time like it's been an awful like 3 days for her

• LET MAX SAY FUCK

• Does dustin watch my little pony

• Stop punching steve hes young and kinda weak I love u

• Hes lost his mind

• DID MIKE JUST DROP THE I LOVE HER BOMB IN THE MIDDLE OF AN ARGUMENT ABOUT FEMINISM AND WOMENS PERSONAL AGENCY

• Alexei kinda looks like a copy of a copy of a copy of like mark Ruffalo

• Erica just playing w a weapon is a mood

• Is Robin's backstory literally just the fact that she was a loser bit she wanted to be popular

• Wait u guys were in rolling chairs you could've just rolled

• That slow mo shot of millie falling in the void is great that shit is breathtaking

• They're so high on this truth drug its hilarious

• R they trying to make me sympathize w billy like yeah hes gone through some traumatic shit but that doesnt excuse the fact that hes not good

• Billy and all the people being the bad guys is so much scarier than a random faceless monster it's great

• Oh holly talks now ok

• Did she talk last season I dont remember?

• Wow fireworks back before everyone was so worried about everything setting on fire

• [Ominous synth music]

• In a reverse turn of events, dustin and erica are the parents instead of robin and steve

• Does steve do marijuana

• How did u board everything up fast enough bc the monster was literally right there

• I'm glad that Lucas is using a weapon other than the fucki g slingshot

• Hey wheres Kali like not that she'd be helpful in this situation but like where is she

• OH MY FUCKING GOD MURRAY

• I'm glad mike has come to this realization by himself

• Can the kids setting off fireworks outside of my house stop for a minute pls

• Someone watched john mulaney that's why theres a back to the future thing

• They're on so much drugs

• Why r u in front of the freezers like its aesthetic w the eggo and the neon lights but like why

• R they seriously having an argument over coke

• I xant believe Steve Harrington's been in that stupid scoops ahoy uniform the whole show

• Is Robin a lesbian

• OH MY GOD SHE IS

• THE DUFFERS WERENT PUSSIES RHEY PUT A FUCKING LESBIAN IN THEIR SHOW WOWOWOWOW

• Wow did he perfectly sum of america? Cool

• I'm glad alexei won he deserves it

• I hope nothing bad happens to him

• Oh no

• Its Russian terminator

• WAIT EL GOT BIT IS SHE GONNA BE ONE OF THE FLAYED

• WHY IS THE LAST EPISODE AN HOUR AND SEVENTEEN MINUTES

• Oh that is disgusting why r u guys looking

• Yeah let's get the gang back together!

• STEVE CALLED HIMSELF DADDY

• Hopper and joyce r so done w Murray's bs

• I love this Russian ballad in the background its super good

• I'm sorry I have to say this but if I see that anyone wants to fuck this monster I'm gonna blow my shit

• NANCY GET OUT OF THE WAY

• YES STEVE

• DID U UUST LEAGE MIKE AND MAX AND EL IN THE MALL

• Why r we in Utah

• Oh shit its Suzie! Shes real!

• Suzie and Dustin r so pure but eye rhe fuck do they have a musical number what nerds

• This is not the time guys

• Hey el honey u ain't looking so good

• Oh my god Billy's beating the shit out of these kids goddammit

• R u like sacrificing her holy shit

• Flinging fireworks on an enclosed space is v v dangerous wtf guys

• Visuals r fucking stunning

• Oh shit ethos pathos logos were going for logos right now

• Oh Russian terminator is actually human

• These kids r gonna give me a heart attack man

• OH SHIT BILLYS HELPING

• ITS TAKING HIM OHMYGOD

• IS HOPPER GONNA DIE

• oh Billy's dead

• OH MY GOD THEY KILLED HOPPER

• Oh shit no max dont cry pls font cry or km gonna cry

• Why would they kill hopper jopper was supposed to be endgame wtf

• Where tf r the byers moving to

• Lucas and max are That couple

• Where is el moving to now like hopper is kinda dead

• Does she not have her powers anymore

• OH SHES MOVING W WILL

• [Emotional synth music playing]

• I'm gonna cry

• Will looking at Mike while hes crying goddammit that's not straight behavior

• IM CRYING

As much. as I kinda like byler, mileven is fucking cute and I'm fly sad they're being separated

• Fuck and I love this song too stop

• Huh they didnt mess up the Byers house this year

• They just emptied it

#stranger things #mey takes notes during films

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pbandjesse · 5 years

Text

Im not feeling so hot. I just woke up from a pretty shitty nap. I was out in the sun to long. But today was mostly good.

I didn't get enough sleep last night and I woke up really distressed. I felt horrible, but i did my best snd pulled it together. I got dressed and James made ne a sandwich and put air in my tires and sent me on my way.

I perked up, the bus csme, I got to work sroubd 815. It was a good morning. I got set up for our quilt project. Sorted out some stuff. And then went down to meet the kids.

I let our youth worker Trinity lead yoga today. I lead it for the big kids. And art time went very good. More excellent work from the kids. Working on their squares. Its fun. Im happy that they are so focused on it.

We did milk fireworks during stem. Or at least a version of them. They got to experinment a bit at least. I feel like the focus is way to much on keeping the space clean, at the expense of the fun. But it's fine. The kids still seemed to have fun.

Being out at recess was a bit hard. I may hsve gotten slightly overheated and possibly burnt. It felt that way, if not looked that way. But we came in and I gave them cookies. I wanted to give them a second one later but they were to high energy so we did not do that.

Buy we did reading and they made little books. And I worked on getting ready for tomorrow. Im slightky distressed that an entire bin of fabric seems have gone missing. So I really hope that shows up in the morning. I am just really annoyed because we ewch have our own tables of supplies and thr 2nd class didnt put my supplies back again. So I had to have a talk with Fitsum and Marcus. They get it, it was just frustrating.

We finished up the day. Had snack. I was a but annoyed because the other class took some of our snacks and so then when we went to hand out snack we didn't have enough. That was shitty, but we survived. We finished. We all held hands and did the wave and walked,down thr hallway like that. It was very silly.

I left early, and after a lot of stress, made it in time to meet James to see the apartment. And it was nice! It has some issues. The one bedroom is kind of dark. And the livingroom window may not open. And it's actually a 3rd floor, not a second floor, because there is a flight of stairs inside the front door. But its still on the list.

I went to go back to the old apartment to check for mail. Nothing good. And thdn back to thr studio. But I was horribly suntired. And felt sick. A cool bath helped.

James made us dinner. I was was because we found,my cheese puffs I just bought got thrown away by accident. And James felt bad. So after dinner he went to the store to get that and some snack things, but had no luck. And went to like 3 places with no luck.

I felt sick and sad, and while he was gone i fell asleep. He woke ne up at 830. And now in laying here considering sleep. I feel very exhausted. But it's okay. I will be alright, tomorrow will be a better day.

Goodnight everyone. Sleep well. Try to be kind.

#ootd #work #art #kids art #camp #tired #sad #dog #weird #weird dog #cat #wensday

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captaintoomanybattles · 5 years

Text

More Than I Say I Do

It was never exactly night on the Milano, just as it was never really day—when you’re not orbiting a sun, the view out the window remains more or less the same, starlight and darkness and the occasional planet whirling by, glowing bright like some phosphorescent sea creature. That said, the Guardians had agreed on a schedule of ten-hour “days” and ten-hour “nights”, just to keep things consistent. Sleep deprivation, as Quill pointed out, was a bitch.

It was, therefore, as much night as it ever was, which meant that Rocket was the only one awake, curled up next to the window of the observation deck. The Ravagers’ fireworks had long been left behind, but he could still see them in his mind’s eye, blooming pink and gold and blue against the vastness of space.

Some funeral, he thought. Then, wistfully, Don’t think anybody’d do that for me.

Yondu had somehow understood how he felt. Yondu had given up his life to save Quill. Yondu had been given a Ravager funeral. But—but—

Quill never even knew Yondu cared about him. The way he told it, that whole crew was one step away from—from eatin’ him, or tossin’ him overboard, or whatever.

It bothered him, gnawed at him for some reason he couldn’t quite define—the idea that Yondu had cared, and never shown it. That Quill had grown up thinking himself unloved, unwanted—that he’d only gotten the affirmation he craved when it was already too late.

He himself had never known a parent—had known nothing but cold steel and cruelty before he met Groot. But still, somehow, he’d gotten this notion…

A kid should always know he’s loved. Always.

Gamora had had parents—real parents, not that Thanos dickwad—way back when, and Quill had had his mom, and Drax had had his own daughter, whom he’d loved and been proud of. And Groot—the first Groot, the old Groot—had once lived with others of his kind, a whole grove who had taught him to be patient and kind and loving, in ways that Rocket had never learned. Had never seen the point of learning.

The world had always seemed such a cruel place, everything and everyone in it struggling to survive at the expense of everyone else. With his size, he looked like an easy target. The best way to survive was not to give anyone the benefit of the doubt—to hurt them before they could hurt him.

Get the first punch in, go down swingin’.

For a long time, Groot was the only person he could let past that barrier of fear and insecurity. Now…

They hadn’t turned him away. Even after his harsh words and the stunt with the batteries, the other Guardians had stuck with him when it mattered, had his back, trusted him to have theirs. And if he wanted to keep this, keep them…

I’ve gotta do better. I can’t keep on the way I was.

The stars glimmered before him, cold and implacable, and he rested his head against the cool plastic.

Kids oughta know they’re loved.

He thought of Groot, tucked into his little nest of earth and moss for the night. He’d come so close to losing him, the past few days. Groot seemed alright now, but he must’ve been scared out of his mind when they got captured—and Rocket had had to force him into even greater danger. There hadn’t been a choice, but even Rocket knew that was no job for a child. And that was what Groot was—a child.

Poor little twig. He deserves better than me.

Soft footsteps sounded behind him, and he turned his head to see Gamora, warrior-quiet as she made her way up to the observation deck.

“I thought you might be here,” she said, settling down next to Rocket.

“Perks of being an insomniac.”

“Yeah.” She was silent for a long moment, watching the stars swirl by. “You okay?”

Rocket shrugged. “Been better.”

“Yeah, me too.”

He hesitated, fidgeting with the knee-patch on his jumpsuit, before finally saying, “I’m, uh. I’m glad you didn’t… die.”

It was an apology, of sorts—as much of one as he could make just now. From the expression on her face, he thought she understood what he meant.

“I’m glad you didn’t, either.” She drew her knees up to her chin, tilting her head a little so she could still look at him. “We all care about you, you know. I know it’s hard for you to believe, but we do.”

Rocket shifted uncomfortably; her tone was far too understanding for his liking. “How do you do it?” he asked, rather than responding. “How do you—all the shit that happened to you, but you’re still kind.”

“You think I’m kind?” Her tone betrayed both surprise and pleasure.

“I mean… yeah.”

“Well—thank you.” She paused, then said slowly, “For a long time, I was just trying to stay alive. And that meant being—violent. Angry. Ruthless. I couldn’t afford to show any weakness. But now—Thanos tried to destroy me, own me from the inside out. He tried to turn me into something as hateful as him. So—every time I let myself be vulnerable, every time I let myself love—it’s a victory, it’s proving I’m free from him. And it’s—it’s scary, but… I don’t know. I think it’s worth it.”

You play like the meanest, but actually you’re the most scared of all.

“I don’t want to be like Yondu,” Rocket whispered. “I don’t want Groot to end up like Quill. I don’t want him to be so desperate for a father he takes up with the first abusive asshole that pays a lick of attention to him. I don’t—I want to be better, but I don’t know how.”

Gamora nodded. “I don’t know how to do any of this, either,” she said quietly. “I’m scared if I get to close to anyone, I’ll get hurt. I’m scared of being used again. I’m scared I’ll never make things right with Nebula.”

“You’re good with Groot, though,” Rocket offered. “He really—you’re good with him.”

“So are you.”

“Nah. Not really. But I’m gonna,” he said, with sudden determination. “I’m gonna be the best frickin’ dad in the whole damn galaxy.”

Gamora smiled, and patted his shoulder. “I know you will.”

They sat together for a long time, Gamora absently petting Rocket’s thick fur. It was a liberty he rarely allowed any of the Guardians, and he’d deny it with his last breath if Quill ever said anything, but there was something terribly comforting about that soft touch. It grounded him, and he thought maybe it was something Gamora needed, too; confirmation that they’d survived, that they were finally safe.

When, eventually, Gamora returned to her own sleeping quarters, Rocket headed back to the little room he shared with Groot. As he slipped inside, Groot moved, big eyes opening and reflecting the dim light from the hall.

“I am Groot?” he asked, voice hazy with sleep.

“Yeah, it’s okay, buddy, I’m here.” Rocket knelt down beside his nest of moss and leaves, brushing a paw over the little wooden head. “I’ve got you.”

“I am Groot.”

“No, it’s nighttime now, buddy. Go back to sleep.” He hesitated, found his throat constricting with the old familiar fear—fear of saying too much, of letting any weakness show. Fear of being rejected. He swallowed it down.

“I love you, Groot.”

“I am Groot.”

“Y-you do?”

“I am Groot!”

Rocket smiled, warmth blooming in his chest like a sun exploding into existence. “Thanks, buddy. Go to sleep now, okay? I’ll be here.”

Groot made a little grumbling sound and settled down, eyes already drooping closed. Rocket curled up beside him, pulling his blankets up to his chin.

Maybe, he thought. Maybe I can do this after all.

*Title from “More Than I Say I Do” by Chris and Jocelyn Arndt

#my fic #rocket raccoon #groot #gamora #marvel #guardians of the galaxy #fanfic

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fernsandsunflowers · 7 years

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Hi guys,

I never really make personal posts on here but I wanted to talk about my little buddy somewhere that was both public and private at the same time.

This is Zorro, I was almost 11 when we first met. My parents brought him as a bday surprise for my brother. I didn’t know they were going to get him a dog so I squealed when I saw my mother sneak him into the pantry to hide him away. The moment my brother set off to stay the night at a cousin’s I ran to the pantry and knelt on the floor. He was hiding behind a kitchen chair, peaking at me from behind one of the legs. I called to him and he tilted his head staring at me, a little unsure…I called again and his mouth broke into a giant smile and he bounded towards me, missed the landing and crashed right into my leg. We have been inseparable ever since. That night we gave him milk, the same amount we used to make for a giant German shepherd we dogsat a couple weeks ago, and he drank the ENTIRE bowl. His tummy got so big it dragged on the floor and he couldn’t walk straight. I begged my parents to let him sleep in my room. They reluctantly agreed, and I ended up spending the entire night mopping the floors because he peed EVERYWHERE. My parents brought him for my brother, but he was always mine. He followed me everywhere, even if I was just walking two feet away. He would wait outside the bathroom door for me. when I was in school, he’d come to the gate by 1pm and sit and wait for me to come back home. When I started work, he would wait at the gate by 4pm. When he got older, he’d wait by the doorway of my room or in the tv room his head facing the front door.

He was the number 1 fan of pets, he hated when I came home smelling like other dogs, he loved little kids and would let them torture him to no end - when my cousin was born my aunt stayed with us and that was the one time Zorro didn’t follow me around, he would stay by the door to their room and bark or come call someone the moment the baby started to stir. I also have this seriously hyper kid cousin who used to just throw stuff at him and poke him, and he wouldn’t bat an eye, he’d go and sit by him and let him do his thing - He loved to eat chicken, his favorite fruit was mangoes, and he used to eat anything we gave him as long as he knew we were eating it too. He loved to roll around in grass, and pee on mom’s new plants. When he was younger and did something naughty and mom would yell at him he’d get his revenge by going to her favourite plants, carefully biting off a flower and going and showing it to her. He didn’t give a rats ass about thunder, he’d sleep right through thunderstorms, but he HATED fireworks. We’d have to tie him up and give him some Piriton to help him sleep, but he was never one to be forced into anything. For a small dog he was strong, he’d manage to break out, fight the sleepiness and actually try to catch the firecrackers. You’d think this is impossible, but I come from Sri Lanka, even kids handle fireworks in my country, and a lot of the time we use fireworks that go off on the floor. One of my favourites was this one that would spin like a wheel on the ground, one time he got loose and chased one of them down the street trying to catch it in his mouth. Half the neighbourhood ran after him screaming to try and get him away. I was in hysterics for hours. But he was fine, except for a few burnt whiskers… His sense of smell was never really the same after that - we’d play hide and seek and he’d run right passed me sniffing at the floor. He loved walks, as most dogs do. Sri Lanka also has a lot of strays and my neighbourhood has its own little gang of like 15 dogs. They’d follow us on walks from a distance and I’d always be terrified they’d jump on him. But Zorro completely ignored them and I later figured out that he was actually sniffing out and peeing where the other dogs pee… he’s just that salty. He had long hair that curled at the end and my Cats loved to play with them. They’d slide along the floor and attack him as he walked and he’d stand there and let them have their fun. He never once snapped or growled at them. He hated when I’d start singing, he would tolerate it for about 10 minutes and then would start huffing pointedly. It didn’t stop me from writing him and singing him a lullaby, he didn’t seem to mind that one so much. I used to play the piano when I was younger and he’d make me stop by jumping onto the keys and walking all over them. He once saw a garden snake come up behind me and attacked it. Another time, a bird got fried on the overhead street wiring and my mom kept it on a rock while she went to find her gardening tools so she could dig a grave for it. When she came back the bird was gone and Zorro was covered in dirt. He had buried the bird himself. You’d think this is nothing, dogs often bury bones and things, but this is the first and only time Zorro has ever buried anything. We have a rambutan tree in our home whose branches fall onto our roof, the two of us would climb up to the roof every fruiting season and sit and eat rambutan. He liked the bitter ones the most which worked out great because I liked the sweet. He loved sweets too, cakes and candies and the rare tiny piece of chocolate. We’d have to take care to never keep anything within reach of him… things used to mysteriously disappear anyway. He learned pretty soon that when he was sick he was more likely to get sweets, we used to hide his pills in cakes and gummies, so he would pretend to be ill. He’d limp a little when people were a round and act like he can’t get up. Dad’s favourite story was the time he caught Zorro, who we thought had somehow injured his ankle (he even whined when the vet touched his ankle, she said nothing seemed broken or twisted, it must just be sore because he slept on it wrong so prescribed him something for the pain), walking normally and start limping, on the wrong foot, when he spotted my dad.

He was beautiful, his fur always shone and his hair was thick and long, he had little eyebrows and even eyelashes. I have never seen a cocker spaniel in Sri Lanka that looked as beautiful and as healthy as he did. You might say I’m biased but every vet we’ve ever been to and every person who’s ever seen him said the same. We had several little proposals for him but they never worked out. We had three girls brought home for him but he HATED them all. The poor things tried so hard to make friends with him but he lashed out at them. Eventually we stopped trying. My brother and I are pretty sure this was because he was gay. During mating season we’d sometimes find him staring longingly at the local dog gang (all male) through the bars of the gate. He loved Tuk Tuk rides because he was just too short to see out the car window. He walked the streets like he owned them and it showed, people would come out of their homes to fawn over him and he’d trot along, head held high. If he was in the way of oncoming traffic, no matter what the vehicle, it was clear that he would not move from it but the vehicle had to move for him. Every vehicle in the neighbourhood knew to make a nice, wide turn, away from his path because he wasn’t going to change his. About 4 months ago our garden wall was broken down for reconstruction and we had taken him out for his nightly pee and poop session. He was taking ages and mom and I were watching a show on tv. So we told him dad was on the way home and he’d let him in and went inside. He had decided to go looking for dad who worked about 150 metres away from our home. He’d one over the broken wall and made it to the main road. I was told that the Tuk Tuk drivers with the help of one of the traffic policeman had created a wall against oncoming traffic so he wouldnt get hit, and because he refused to let anyone touch him two men came running to our house to fetch us so we can bring him back home. Thank god he’s so famously known in town! He created a massive traffic jam and noone complained. Mind you he was deaf and blind at this point so we are pretty sure he simply followed dad’s scent because we have never taken him that way towards the main road before and dad’s the only one who takes that path and he was apparently very purposefully making his way to dad’s office building.

He grew to display behaviour so fundamentally similar to me that we were almost the same person. He hated potatoes, He loved chicken. He hated getting up in the morning and was most active in the night. He hated being helped, towards the end he found it difficult to get up, difficult to walk, but he always had to try by himself for several minutes before grudgingly allowing us to help him. He pretended to hate attention but loved being the centre of it. He hated having his picture taken and he liked baths only after he was in them. He was ticklish on his sides, he was grumpy in the mornings, he liked to go to places only for the ride, once we got to a place it was like ok home now. He was very mellow, he took everything in stride and never complained, he would be mad at you for approximately 2.5 seconds. He was friendly towards everyone but had his favourites… this showed. He was a little afraid of birds. He hated milk by itself and loved roasted dhal. He liked his bread buttered and only slightly toasted. He didn’t like being told what to do and would pathologically rebel, whether it was being asked not to sit during bathtime or being given sedatives at the vets before getting stitches (he was given enough sedatives to affect a much larger dog, but he refused to let it get to him and didnt even go to sleep that night).

I should have accepted that his time was done, I shouldn’t have tried to force down his medicine. I think I caused him a lot of pain towards the end. I should have just let him be in peace. I shouldnt have carried him to the doctors every day. He hated being carried. I’m so scared that he hated me those last few days. I told him over and over that I was sorry, I just wanted to help. But a dog doesn’t understand all that. He’s gone now and and I caused him all that stress for nothing. And it’s breaking my heart.

He was my home for 14 years and 3 months and 9 days. I don’t really know how to be or do without him here. How am I supposed to want to come back home knowing he won’t be there waiting for me. How am I to sleep without the sound of his snores punctuating the air. I don’t know how I’m supposed to go to the washroom without hearing him padding to the door and loudly sniffing underneath it to see if I was there. I keep expecting to hear him bark softly from outside the door to let me know he was outside and not inside. I keep tripping on myself thinking he was lying on the floor and I was about to step on him. I couldn’t go to sleep yesterday because he didn’t wake me up in the middle of the night to ask for a midnight snack or to let me know he needed to pee.

There was a brilliant sunset yesterday, the whole sky turned gold as we set him down in his little coffin and decorated his grave with flowers. There was a rainbow too. People sent me pictures, saying it was a sign. I don’t want a sign, I don’t want him up there. I want him home with me where he’s supposed to be.

#i'm so sorry my love

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thesmithfamily08 · 5 years

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July 6th 2019

Well snap I got too far behind and have too much to talk about. Summer is here, and half over already!!! So we left off with the end of school which was crazy and busy and we were all so relieved when it was over. Lily did get a goal on her last soccer game!!! Penny got one too! It was a really great soccer season we ended with a big water balloon fight. One of the moms even made a little canvas painting thing thanking rob for being their coach!

This year at the end of the year I don't think anyone was sad it was over like before. Everyone was very very ready for summer! We started off the summer docking head first into the major project we wanted to accomplish, which was building the shed. We got it almost totally finished in a little less than a week then stopped and waited until our nyc trip was over and painted it. So we got the shed finished and tried to just spend a lot of time doing fun stuff with the kids, zoo, library reading program, and splash pads, went on some hikes, stuff like that. We got them an above ground pool which has turned out to be a really great purchase!

So the third week of summer vacation rob and I went to NYC for 3 nights! The kids stayed with gwen. So the trip was better than I had imagined. I loves the city. I had been worried about getting around but the subway was so simple it was really convenient. We took the subway in from the airport so when we walked up the stairs we were right in the middle of the coty and actually directly in front of the Ed Sullivan theater where Colbert is filmed!! We were able to get to our hotel and sit down and eat dinner before we got in line to see the show. We were in line for like 4 hours, after a long day of travel it was pretty brutal but we were so excited! The show was awesome, like really probably one of my favorite days ever. That night we walked to times square but came back and went to bed early because we were worn totally out. The next day we got up early and went to the world trade center memorial. It was really an overwhelmingly emotional place to be but I was so happy to get to visit. We saw this sculpture that has been in front of one of the towers before and the top was all melted and bent apart, it was surreal to see. I had kind of planned to go into the memorial museum but we decided to go on top of the One World Trade Center instead, which was a little more exciting and less depressing:/. The one world trade center was so neat though, we got such good views of the statue of liberty and all of manhattan. After we were finished there we went south to see the statue of liberty from the pier. It was something I have always wanted to see it seemed smaller than I thought, but we didnt go right up to it. Someday I hope to take the kids to nyc and when we do that we will take them to the statue and go inside. After that we got back on the subway and went to Chinatown and little Italy. We didnt stay there too long we were a little disappointed, it wasn't anything like Chinatown in san Fran and we just wernt having fun so we decided to see more things. We got back on the subway and went to the high line, which is an old above ground subway line that they have made into a walkway and garden. I loved it!! It was more busy than a lot of the things we did but it was so beautiful. Made me want to live there and walk it everyday haha. We walked to the empire state building then north past the library which was one of my favorite places! We walked past trump tower too and then made it to central park. We walked through central park had a drink at a tavern. Then went north to strawberry fields and saw the place where John Lennon lived and was killed. The strawberry fields was neat there was a man there just playing a bunch of his songs. We walked through about half of central park I loved seeing all of these places from movies. We were beyond pooped from all the walking at this point. We went back to the hotel. The next day it was raining but we had planned for that and were going to the natural history museum, it was beyond what I had imagined, robs favorite was all the space stuff, I loved seeing all the dinosaurs though, like for real so cool. I hated then that we didnt have the kids though. :/ I'm putting that on the list of places we have to bring the kids to at some point. By lunchtime the rain had stopped and we were done at the museum, we went to shakeshack which was by far my favorite food we had in nyc haha. Maybe we were starving or maybe it was just that good we will never know. We walked through central park and looked around some more. I was excited to see the carousel but it wasnt open. After that we went back to times square and really looked around and took everything in. Over all it was a the best trip ever I am soo happy we finally made it happen. It really was awesome for rob and I to have a minute to just be a couple again too, though I was really really ready to get back home to the kids!

So after we flew in my mom picked us up and we took the kids to see kids bop live, their first concert!! It was so cute, lily fell asleep half way through haha. The danced and just had the best time. Soo happy to be back home with them! So while we were at the concert rob went to Mathis brothers and picked up our couch that had come in. Idk how he was able to do it alone but he did. I love this couch so much too yay so stinking happy.

So this summer has been super crazy weather wise. In the spring we got a ridiculous amount of rain and everything flooded, the Arkansas river was way too high. So we had planned on camping and floating the river and spending a lot of time at the lake in grove with my mom but we still cant get to cindy house at rhe lake even now in July. And the river is too high to be safe for the kids and the campsites and beach in oologah are too flooded. So we have had to adjust. We have been playing in the pool a lot we took them mini golfing in tulsa which I had been wanting to take them forever. So also took them to urban air (sigh) which is a trampoline park we had only been there about 10 minutes and I fell and dislocated and broke my arm. Blah, I felt so stupid. But it is what it is. I felt really really awful for about a week after it happened but I'm slowly getting better. I have been down and rob has had to take over a lot but he has been fantastic of course. He really is too perfect. He took all the kids back to urban air the next day and I stayed in bed and slept Haha. They loved the place though, they have rock walls and stuff that max and penny were able to get to the top off. I was pretty impressed.

So we just had the 4th of July, we stayed at home, I took the girls to the collinsville parade while max had a cubscout thing then that night we watched the fireworks from our back porch. The kids all lit off fireworks, I couldn't believe it but every kid lit their own fireworks, even lily who is 4 right now lit fireworks. I couldn't believe how brave they all were.

So for the rest of the summer as I am healing Rob is trying to get a few projects finished around the house. We are going to broken bow in two weeks!

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5hineesback · 7 years

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feel korea fanacc 2017 (exid biased)

this is going to be a very detailed fanacc of the full day, including the bad events which took place before the concert

first off let me say that kpop fans are honestly such lovely people. i came across a few bad eggs during the day but overall everyone was amazing. i arrived earlier than my friend and i made friends so quickly with the people who were in front of me in the queue, and i ended up spending the whole concert with them

secondly let me say that the organisation of this concert was an absolute joke, specifically the queueing. it was terrible, the worst organisation i’ve seen in a long time. they originally had one queue for everything, then created a ‘concert’ queue and made people move, then when the daytime event queue had died down we got moved back to where we originally were - except there was no guidance. everyone just ran for it. people at the front ended up at the back and people who’d just arrived got to the front. there was also a severe problem of people pushing in at the front - there was no barrier to block it and when we complained the security didn’t even try to do anything about it.

i got to the venue at around 12:15, joined the only queue there was, was then moved to the ‘concert’ queue at around 12:45, was very near the front and managed to stay in basically the same place when we got moved back to our original line. then waited for about 6 hours, filled with events such as, as ive mentioned, people pushing in at the front and pretending they were there the whole time, the barrier being widened to such a degree at the front that there was no order at all

then came the worse part. we were lining up around the back of the building, and they wanted to move us to the front doors. so they stood back, and told us to go. everyone ran, again. i got pushed into walls and an open door, girls were falling over or hurting themselves on the barriers as everyone tried to get through. we had been asking them throughout the day how they were planning to get us in - we suggested sending us in groups of 10 or 20, or just making sure we all got to the doors one at a time. instead there was hundreds of people running to the doors, filling up the street because there was no barrier there to meet us. again, i managed to keep my place, pretty much, but a lot of people lost theirs, including girls at the front who had been there since 6am to queue. then despite the street being full of fans, they then told us to get in single file. which was fucking stupid because it wasnt possible. not unless they moved everyone forward enough, past the doors, to make enough room to move everyone against the wall, or move people backwards from the back of the queue, which literally went around the whole block. we eventually got in by them just giving up and letting us in one at a time with as little pushing as possible

but anyway, thats enough of that, although i will be complaining officially online lmao

okay the actual concert. by some miracle, i just got to the barrier, i got the last space. but myself and a couple of girls to my left were in the worst place to be at the barrier - in front of us was a camera man officially recording for the tv screen above, so during the concert idols would often be blocked by the camera which will be shown in my exid fancams lmao. but hey, i was at the barrier, i can’t complain. the distance from the barrier to the stage was about 10 feet i think, it was pretty large tbh so im rly glad i got to be there. we also got given water by very nice security thank u security

they were showing mvs for about an hour while we waited. if you were there, the first scream @ jeonghwa’s appearance in any mv was always me jsyk dklfjhdskj

when the concert started, there was a taekwondo performance which was a m a z i n g, they were breaking wood with their feet and at one point i was scared the broken wood would hit me lmao

after that, hani came on mc’ing, along with two other guys who i don’t know. the moment she appeared i Died. she was wearing such a pretty white dress, shes so angelic and cute and beautiful. she came out to mc after every performance, except it was just the guys when exid was about to perform. she spoke about going to see the disadvantaged kids yesterday and one of the guys was like “hanis not just beautiful, she has a beautiful heart” and hani said “the most beautiful is everyone here!” jdksa shes honestly a Dream

knk was first to perform, then snuper, then exid, then highlight. i’m not gonna pretend i was really there to see anyone but exid, because i wasn’t. but i did hearts to all the idols and i really enjoyed all their performances. knk sang knock first which is the only song i like by them so to hear it was so great. they’re such good dancers and they’re all very pretty

after knk, hani and the guys introduced a “special performance because london has gone through some hardships recently”. it was hyerin singing “you raise me up” and it was so beautiful i would have cried if i weren’t so focused on filming haha

then it was snuper’s turn to perform. i only know platonic love, so i enjoyed that, but i was pretty clueless about the rest of the songs. i still liked it tho. during one of their songs they brought a fan on stage to sing to her and also threw roses to the crowd. according to my friend who was a bit further back one of the members aimed one at her but a girl in front of her caught it lol. one of the members was so funny idk his name but fans threw a signed uk flag at the stage and he put it on like a cape and he came over to our section loads. hes my bias now but who is he

after that (i think??), knk came back on to perform a cover of an ed sheeran song which i don’t know the name of. everyone sang with them and it was rly Nice

then my girls!!! arrived and i screamed So Loud it was too much. they’re all so beautiful, but u kno i love my girl jeonghwa and omg... pictures and videos dont do her justice at all shes honestly Ethereal i went into shock and i almost teared up. i saw a girl so beautiful i started crying???

they started with hot pink and i could kinda feel how empty it was without solji but it was still amazing to see the four of them. then they moved onto night rather than day, then ah yeah, then finally up and down. i was trying So Hard to get interaction, i made eye contact with jeonghwa a few times and every time i was givin her hearts... she just kinda glanced over me tho.... its ok i still love u

the girl next to me got So much interaction, from l.e especially. she had a homemade exid fan sign and l.e seemed to love it haha. i probably should have made something too

exid’s performance seemed to go so quickly, i filmed most of their songs and some of their talk. i haven’t even watched the videos yet i’m gonna die

after exid, there was a performance with snuper and a group of girl dancers who i think won a competition during the day? they did dance covers of a few bts songs

then highlight came on and performed two of their new songs, before two of their old ones. i rly enjoyed the old ones, the new ones... they were okay but i liked being reminded of their old image as beast. i think this was when one of them motioned for us to clap, i was one of the first to start so he looked at me was he was walking our way and nodded at me which was cool lol. i think it was highlight anyway.... and i think it was that time... honestly the boy groups... kinda mushed together for me i could even begin to tell you which member it was. i made eye contact with a few guys of the various groups so i cant rly remember specifically

during highlights performance this annoying girl came up behind me and was literally pushing against me, trying to move my hair, touching my arms and back before eventually asking if i could move over. i did, but i later found out that the girl had literally somehow managed to get to the barrier from the back. she was rude as hell. also there was fireworks during the performance which scared the crap out of me i was like that compilation vid of chanyeol

after highlight, there was an encore where all the groups came out and threw balls and balloons. knk was in front of our section and exid were next to them more towards the middle. i feel bad for saying it but i ... rly wanted exid in front of me lmao. i did hearts towards them and here is where i might have got interaction from hani but im not sure???? she looked in my direction as i was looking at her and making a heart with my hands and she grinned and did a thumbs up but im not sure it was at me it might have been someone near me. i like to think it was at me tho. people around me got a lot of interaction with different idols but i didnt?? thats going back to diy stuff tho, ppl around me had created signs and written messages on paper and stuff so i guess thats where that came from. i rly would have done something too for exid but i didnt think id be that close, never mind at the barrier so i didn’t see much point

there was also confetti flying from a machine right in front of me and i accidentally dropped my exid fan sign i was given in the queue over the barrier so i caught confetti in my bag to take home instead lol. the annoying girl was still there and still annoying, she threw something at knk she’d made and one of the members got it and she started screaming and crying and yelling i love u which i wouldnt mind but... after the way she was so rude to me (and as i found out later, other ppl) nah why does she deserve that lmao. she also ended up getting a ball since security came over with two that had dropped and she said the yellow was hers... it wasnt she even asked me who signed it lmao

overall it was a really good concert and i cant wait to watch the videos back. it had ups and downs but despite having to miss london pride for it i dont regret going. i got to meet some great people and ofc i got to see my Special Girls in the flesh... they said they’d come back soon i hope so. ive drunk so much water tonight and im about to go and drink more also i can’t walk

#im prob forgetting some stuff it was a long day #i'll be posting my exid vids tomorrow probably #my fanaccs #ellie rambles

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identitycris1s · 5 years

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so this is the new year

im finally taking time to sit down and reflect on the past few months. the new year came and went and its been a bit of a whirlwind. i suppose i’ll just go by chronological order cos i dont really know how to start...also i dont think im an abstract thinker so really my life isnt ordered by “themes” or “lessons” or whatever but i sort of think of it in terms of events and the epiphanies or lessons that flow therefrom. this is probably just gonna be a stream of consciousness exposition cos im lazy to organise my thoughts and this is basically my journal so WHATEVER!

November

X told me he liked me and asked me out. i was shocked. but sort of saw it coming (what else could “r u free after lunch, i have some stuff to say” mean...LOL). i reacted awkwardly - distinctly remember saying “huh..what does that MEAN!!!” (LOL) i told him i would think about it but could probably only give him an answer after part b was over.

tbh this was probably just me stalling for time. i think instinctively i knew that i didnt see him in that way, but he seemed to tick so many boxes in terms of who i was “supposed” to be with - that sounds dumb, but what i mean is he’s a steadfast christian, a good boy, similar values, similar tastes in music / movies / books, same bloody industry LOL...

also he seemed really serious about it - ermmm he brought up marriage on that first day :0 ok i suppose thats unfair and it sounds insane without context - he said it with reference to how dating is always with a view to marriage which i do agree with but yes it was a lot to absorb in one conversation. and then he cracked out this book about dating and marriage and i was like woah. so, given how much thought he seemed to have put into this (he also said he chatted with his CG leader about me yikes) i felt obliged to at least think it through properly and give myself some time to consider rather than immediately rejecting him.

and so i mulled it over whilst studying for part b. he was overseas for a while towards the end of my studying period (ie when i was freaking out the most and generally being a headless chicken) and this probably contributed to me feeling like i liked him more than i really did hmm wonder what this says about me. i like to feel like someone’s out of my reach i suppose. so fucked up lol! and so during this period we were texting everyday and i would look forward to his replies and he was a real source of comfort during that stressful period and i never told him this and i probably never will.

December

exams were over and i had to face D DAY!! so i went to meet him to give him my answer and honestly even on that day i didnt know what my answer was. we met at BTM and he literally had written down a list of things to talk about and i think in that moment i knew this probably wouldnt work out. hes so damn thoughtful about every little thing and he thinks everything through and even though he seems to think he “doesnt take things too seriously” I THINK HE DOES...and i really dont...so i felt that showed how incompatible we were. its not a bad thing to be thoughtful. its just that i felt so pressured by how seriously he was taking things...i thought “trying this out” would be casual and chill and we would just hang out as if we were friends but with this overarching agenda of potentially being together but no his conception of “trying things out” is much more intense and serious and thought out and in his words “intentional”. which i realised is some christian dating jargon haha.

dinner was normal until he cracked out that list i was talking about. then he started talking about what he wanted out of a relationship and asked me what i wanted out of a relationship. like it was a damn interview. you know what, im saying this in a really condescending tone and i wouldnt ever be this hurtful if i knew he was gonna read this - in fact i really do think this kind of approach would suit many people and perhaps a more emotionally well adjusted person would think this was normal but i felt so bombarded and i really didnt know what to say in response. so i blurted out some nonsense about wanting to be with someone who was God fearing and “kind and compassionate” and “ambitious” LMAO...what bullshit (that last one i mean). and he had clearly thought out his answers a lot more and he went on a whole spiel about wanting to be with someone who could stand on their own as a christian and who he didnt have to “drag along” on their walk with God and i was like ok cool but i think im not that...im not what youre looking for...but of course i didnt say this. idk why. maybe i enjoy being wanted and sought after and i didnt want to shatter his illusion that i was what he was looking for, even though i was kinda seeing that he wasnt what i was looking for.

anyway, being the shitty person i am, i told him it wasnt a no but it wasnt a straight out yes either i.e. i would be willing to try with a view to potentially saying yes. and we left it at that. but even as i said bye to him that night i kinda knew this wasnt gonna work...but i wanted it to! i wanted to like him! i want to be the kind of person who can accept love from a well adjusted person who’s not afraid to be real and to take things seriously...but i suppose i have some emotional growth to work on...or is it perfectly valid for me to not want to be with him? tbh i never found him attractive (physically or even personality wise oops) - he doesnt make me laugh, hes kinda too uptight, he doesnt get my jokes (i have to be like “JUST KIDDING” a lot of the time..ded) but somehow we worked as friends. but to be with someone requires something more than just working as friends doesnt it?? ack

so we met a few times in dec (i think we went on four or five “dates” in total...im so reluctant to call them dates cos throughout i just couldnt see him in that light, but thats what they were i think) and through the course of our interactions i started picking up on things that i didnt like about him / about our interactions. this sounds awfully petty and i dont wanna be mean about this cos im sure i have MANY MANY MANY flaws that one could nit pick but these were just some signs that we would not work (quite apart from my lack of physical attraction to him)

1. our conversations always end up argumentative. i think this probably stems from both of us being law students and so whenever we disagree on something we both cant seem to fucking let it go. i distinctly remember one stupid conversation, i shall put it here (not verbatim but this is the gist of it)

X: what are your new years resolutions?

S: i dont like making new years resolutions because they always end up in disappointment because i never stick to them.

X: but disappointment isnt always a bad thing because you can learn from it and improve from there

S: yes but that doesnt mean disappointment isnt a bad thing - cos disappointment in itself is bad (like duh the feeling of disappointment is bad) but what comes after disappointment can be good or bad i.e. you can choose to work on yourself and improve or you can wallow in the disappointment.

-some more argument and confusion about what we are even talking about-

S: ok lets not argue on this its a semantic point.

X: is it semantic? its not semantic.

S: it is semantic. we are disagreeing on what the word disappointment means. i think it is necessarily negative but you are saying that disappointment isnt always negative because of what can come after but i think thats sidestepping the point of disappointment being negative in itself.

do you see what i mean. what kind of petty argument is this? whats the damn point? of course im definitely not blameless in this at all. i perpetuate it. but what im saying is i feel like talking to him brings out this argumentative side of me that im not a fan of. also its fucking exhausting haha.

2. he is so. fucking. serious. every conversation involves some heavy thing like spirituality or self evaluation or Godliness etc. which i suppose is good but i just found it tiring...why cant things be light? why cant things be fun? why do we always have to talk about *important* or *weighty* things? tbh i think he sorta compartmentalises me as a friend whom he can talk about these *weighty* things with cos im also a christian and i get what hes saying when he talks about God but i dont want to only talk about that...

3. we dont have similar senses of humour. i dont think he thinks im funny...but i think im bloody funny ok haha also i dont think im deluded on this? my friends think im funny too? yeah i think its a major problem that we cant really laugh together...hes not someone that makes me laugh at all :(

ok enough bashing X haha i really do think hes a great person we are just NOT compatible romantically.

ANYWAYS! sometime in dec i also met up w SM for the first time in aaaages. but things were like normal again. sounds stupid but i think ill always think of him as the one who got away LOL....emotionally unavailable and not interested in me?? IM DOWN! haha. ok hes not emotionally unavailable tbh i probably was more emotionally unavailable in the course of our friendship but he defo never really expressed any interest in me other than always hanging out one on one but that doesnt really count for anything does it. anyways! he told me about his BTO plans and im honestly v happy for him :) friends r growing up and moving on in life mang..

sad part was i dropped avo toast on my new everlane pants and that honestly ruined my day lol

January

NYE was spent w S and some of her friends plus R and A (who went home after dinner cos of family drama lmao angie is siao) - we went to AL’s fam friends party at fullerton for countdown and the fireworks were amaaaazing, lasted about an hour (which made us question the budget allocation on this tbh isnt it a bit of a waste?? fireworks are insanely expensive??) and we promptly went home after the clock struck 12 which was perfect haha i have no stamina to stay out late anymore.

work started on 2 jan! its been fun tbh - back with the trainees and meeting some new people and using my brain again. i like feeling useful and being stuck in a routine...at least for now haha. check in on me in about 3 months and we’ll see.

and....i finally mustered up the courage to tell X the truth ie i didnt see this going anywhere and we should just be friends. we had kind of an awkward dinner (i could feel myself being rude to him and being dismissive etc but i think it could partially be attributed to me being tired from work..but mostly cos i didnt wanna be with him!! as a romantic partner!! it felt wrong!) and so i told him after dinner otw to the mrt (funny, we always have these convos otw to the mrt haha). he said he understood and he sort of felt it coming. and i felt bad - he mustve picked up on my coldness and rudeness over text and in our meetings also...why am i like this. i shouldve been up front with him on the first day. but i didnt know!!! i didnt know for sure this is how i felt. ahhh well u live and u learn right. next time ill be better at this. hope theres a next time LOL God pls send me someone whos right for me

ok bye for now! this was a lengthy post haha

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