#learn boundaries

[libartz]

I can’t decide if it’s better for Justice to hate swears, or to initially use them like any other word because he doesn’t know they’re bad, like a little kid picking up all the words.

I imagine he had a period of being a word sponge, but on finding out words are swears he’s mortified and never says them again.

Some people keep teaching him swears. Oghren and Anders have a rare point of commonality in doing this. Others try to stop this by telling him that’s a swear immediately. Velanna’s one of them. Nathaniel also tries to stop it, but doesn’t want to admit he sometimes finds it funny. Not sure if Sigrun is on team swear or team ‘Noooo he’s baby you’re corrupting himmm’

Then after he drops one in front of some visiting noble the seneschal gives him a list of words he cannot say, and the fun is over

Then begins the campaign of convincing him that certain regular words are swears. Someone says “hey where are the plates” and Justice is like *GASP!* “You can’t say that!”

Velanna once again stops this. “Those knuckleheads are messing with you again. If they tell you a word is bad, you come to me and I’ll give you the actual answer.”

“I will, Velanna. You have never led me astray.”

He becomes grumpy at everyone except Velanna and they all apologise to him and promise to stop. Oghren tries again after a week and everyone’s “Hey, how could you! We promised him!” Oghren stops only because Justice may never speak to him again if he continues.

Also, giving Justice the Grievous Insult ability in Awakening 🤣

Him never swearing ever except in battle specifically, and when he does being so vulgar it enrages the goddamn darkspawn

The crew saying “woah, Justice dropped some major curse bombs today. I almost feel bad for the spawn.” And Oghren’s reaction is “While I was away? Come on! I always miss the best parts!”

Someone swearing at base afterwards, Justice going “hey, language” and them saying “you’re one to talk”

#yes I know he probably would understand swears #especially with the kristoff memories #but it’s still funny #dammit oghren #learn boundaries #dragon age #dragon age awakening #justice dragon age #oghren #swearing #velanna #anders #nathaniel howe #sigrun

[muchymozzarella]

People sending Neil Gaiman Goncharov asks... Jesus Christ y'all really wanna make him regret being accessible to the public, huh

#LEARN BOUNDARIES #thanks #neil gaiman

[bit-of-a-timelord]

Joseph Quinn fans are fucking gross and creepy.

#joseph quinn #JQ #eddie munson #stop stalking the man #stop asking gross fucking questions #stop being assholes #gross #learn boundaries #holy shit #i obviously dont mean the ones that have some fucking common sense

[pandemoniusstuff]

some people genuinely don’t know how to be healthy in a fandom. if you have this desire to protect celebrities because you somehow think you’re the fandom appointed police then pls log off.

if you spend days upon days hating on a celebrity only to really show you’re jealous of their success log off. holding people responsible is good but when you go everyday of your life hating on someone it truly shows how insecure you are. pls truly get some help and im not trying to be rude. we all have insecurities but to do this everyday of your life while you’re also out and about with friends is just sad. if you hate someone quit watching their every move. they’re still going to exist and thrive without you, i promise.

if you feel the need to hate on any and every woman they’ve been associated with and feel the need to “expose” them for living their life log off. your fave white boy is going to have rumored women around him. get over it. i promise this won’t be the last time it happens. he doesn’t need your protection.

i genuinely challenge everyone to just act as normal as they can in his fandom. you guys have to be the most insane one i have seen, and this is coming from someone who observes the chris evans fans. take a chill, eat some chocolate or whatever. if you don’t like the man leave. if you feel the need to protect a grown man everyday then also leave. both of these sides are giving parasocial and it’s gross.

#grow UP #for one day just act normal #we all love him but you’re making it weird #learn boundaries #learn self respect and maybe you won’t be doing all this

[deltarose]

When my ex boyfriend broke up with me, the one before my husband. I had to recreate myself. I had a set of phrases that I’d say to myself. That allowed me to take back the power that I had lost when it felt like I wasn’t good enough.

It went something like this-

Do no harm, take no shit

Always forgive, never forget

Break ups are hard. Let yourself feel it and move on. (Which is always easier said than done) determine you list of deal breakers and go from there.

#my thoughts #everywhere #here #there #words of mine #always forgive #never forget #do no harm #take no shit #inner peace #breathe #break ups suck #but there will be better #learning journey #learn boundaries #seek peace #respect yourself enough to walk away

[8chels8]

❤️

#suck my balls #you’re a genuine douchebag #hope you’re as toxic to her as you were to me #you’re perfect for eachother!! equally as sinister x #rip sova #little divorcee child #about time I let luna have him #I thought the memories were still worth saving #but they’re more traumatic #learn boundaries #don’t try and rape people bro #I want my raze cat back

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[hermajestyimher]

Be Comfortable With Being the Villain

In my country we have a saying: "I am not a golden coin to be liked by everyone". It doesn't matter how "nice", correct, and appeasing we may behave with others, there will always be those who will dislike us for no apparent reason. Learning to not only be ok with them disliking you, but going as far as to embracing it can propel you forward.

Many people will dislike you because you trigger something in them that makes them feel threatened, less-than, or jealous. That is a them problem. If those same people proceed to lie about you and attack you to try to take you down, you need to be prepared to be ok with being perceived in a negative light by them and the people who choose to believe them. At the end of the day their talking is just that, and it cannot affect you if you choose to rise above it.

Learning to embrace being hated means that you can stop trying to seem agreeable and nice to everyone and instead pursue respect. Someone doesn't have to like you to still respect you. Respect and status will allow you to rub shoulders with people who can improve your life in meaningful ways, and place you in spaces where you can flourish.

Being liked is overrated and at times useless. Instead, be a woman of influence, power, and good character. When your brand speaks for yourself, the naysayers become powerless and desperate, and others will be able to see right through their lies.

#things ive learned #level up journey #growth mindset #boundaries

[inkskinned]

something bad happened to you, and you died, and you came back wrong.

not wrong all the way. the little ways. you forget important dates, stopped going out with friends. it's harder to make you smile. you're apathetic towards things you used to love, afraid of places you used to go to cheer up. quieter. flinching. different.

you came back for love. you're still here for love. what pulled you back was a brightness so loud that even death couldn't outshout it. death heard the call and smiled at you and said okay. go home. somebody is waiting for you.

but you came back different. like lot's wife; you've turned into salt. you used to chirp through life in hops and skips; but now you lose skin just standing up. you have to move slower, skimming across this world without-touching-it. most things feel dull - until they're suddenly all-too-much. life, and being alive just rushes up and over you and you get hopelessly crushed.

you try to explain it to them: it is ugly, but this is what you are, now. the huge golden hoop of your halo now a little bronze ring. you are still watering your plants and wearing the same clothes. after all, you worked hard to come home. this life; so odd and off-color, now that you are wrong.

but they waited for you - it's just that they wanted the "you" that happened before this. the "you" that could sing in the show and hug people tight and look at a blade without breaking down to cry. the you with a smile in pictures. god, holyshit, it's like looking at a completely different person, isn't it. that other-you; the one they actually wanted.

you are the consolation prize. you are the body that forgot the ghost. you are the memory of the bad thing, and the death after; like you are wearing that memory as a banner. you are a fragment, an assembly. simulacrum. you don't make eye contact in mirrors, afraid the light will glance off and your true nature will flash back at you.

you hear them talk about it in their hushed, desperate whispers. sometimes they even admit it to your face; harsh and violent, acid thrown at christmas dinner. god, can you just fucking be normal again. you do not remember what normal is. you had to climb so far to get back here; you are far too exhausted. you want to open the glass door of your heart and show all the gears. can you help resolve whatever got messed up?

you try so, so hard. you came back for them. because you believed they would love you, even when you were so horribly broken. because you believed they would be patient. because you believed unconditional meant "without exception." you cannot do things the same way. you just get tired too quickly these days.

you want to put them on a couch and pour them the tea with hands that shake more than they remember. you want to line them up and draw them a map of where you have had to wander. you want to show every bruise in a backsplash; the little helpless ant of your soul carrying all that weight, over and over. you want to say: yes! it is different! but i did it for love!

you want to say: "i'm not the same, but i'm yours and i'm here. can that be enough?"

#this is very obviously about my battle with #ptsd #but i think it's also like a pretty apt metaphor for a lot of things like setting boundaries or going to therapy or choosing recovery #i was thinking about the 'comes back wrong' trope and i was like. oh no i have feelings about this bc i have mental illness #and once i stopped masking - i was WRONG. i was different #here's the good news: i am now INNUNDATED with love. fucking swimming in it. excelling at it. the people who stayed #learned my new self. my new different body and how i am different but i am trying. they have held me so tightly #and my life no longer feels quiet. it is not based in my suffering. it feels like i have been growing a tree in my chest #and now it is flowering. #it is so lovely to be surrounded by people who have said - oh! you cut off so many branches i was worried you weren't the same. but now... #... this is just a new you. and i love you. and i love that you're different and happy. #(but yeah also im nb so i was absolutely influenced by Trans things)

[beesinspace]

Look, I am no comic artist. But I had the idea, what if Husk hates his ears being touched in response to Alastor being the worst (/affectionate) and the thought would not release me until I did something about it lol

#beesinspace #my art #huskerdust #angelhusk #hazbin husker #hazbin art #hazbin angel dust #hazbin hotel fanart #hellaverse #two traumatised scrunkles learning each others boundaries #i hate how much time i spent on this #hazbin hotel #huskerdust comic #hazbin fancomic #fan comic

[pinkcarabiner]

yes i see that you're femme4butch, but do you recognize that being a safe space for butches comes before your attraction? how do you feel about butch4butch couples, or butch stone bottoms? do you give them the same level of respect as you do to butches who you find attractive? what about stone butches? do you see them as people, or as a outlet to receive sexual pleasure? do you enjoy butch friendship, or do you only hope to gain romantic attention?

what about femmes? do you look to build community with other femmes, or do you see them as competition to receive butch attention? do you understand butchfemme history and the history of your identity? and most importantly, do your prioritize community above your own attraction?

#🎀 #femme4butch #it happens too often that i learn a 'femme' has trouble respecting boundaries #butches aren't sex objects #understanding that is one of the most basic parts of the femme identity

[xbomboi]

now THIS stuff is much more recent

i still have some older stuff i wanna post, but for now, i wanna share my most recent assortment of eah doodles.

#the one where hopper and briar are taking a selfie is actually a redraw of a drawing i did a few months ago #it was so bad #i have a complicated relationship with hopper btw #i just think he and briar could eventually be good friends if he learned boundaries #also no way is he taller than her #not only do the books refer to her as the tallest princess #but you cannot tell me the dude who comes from a long line of dudes who turn into frogs isn’t significantly short #it just doesn’t make sense otherwise #in my heart he’s as tall as kitty and maddie are #eah #eah fanart #ever after high #raven queen #dexter charming #hopper croakington ii #briar beauty #faybelle thorn #dexven #raven x dexter #bribelle #briar x faybelle #duncart

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Re-learning Boundaries as an Autistic Adult

Neurokinection

#autism #actually autistic #autism and boundaries #re-learning boundaries #autism and relationships (romantic and platonic) #neurodivergence #neurodiversity #actually neurodivergent #feel free to share/reblog #Neurokinection (Facebook)

[monkey-wrench-zeurel]

I hate having to make a post like this, but just as a general thing;

We appreciate your questions, but if you start being weird and we ask you to stop but you continue to be weird, don't be offended if you get blocked.

#monkey wrench #indie animation #fandom #learn boundaries please

[kittarts]

What kind of comments do you get that discourages you from drawing Wybie shirtless?

Nsfw comments. People are allowed to find the characters I draw attractive, but I’m not going to encourage that demographic, not since 2018 when I was primarily an nsfw artist who thought it was fun.

Shirtless YB is not something I want to draw at all, nor is it required to show off his tattoos — tattoos are the last thing people would be focusing and commenting on, and that’s the last thing I want to deal with.

Please stop requesting it.

#Every other aged up Coraline artist has drawn him half naked and chiselled. Go support them pleek. I’m never going to draw that. #I know people have a crush on him and it’s okay. Idc. Don’t feel guilty - this isn’t about you :) I’m just learning to set boundaries. #kittchats

[stuckinapril]

Think I’m making communication a non-negotiable for 2024. If you don’t know how to properly communicate like an adult we quite literally can’t be friends

#I’m not trying to be a bitch like I get that this is hard for lots of people for various reasons #i think I’m just at a point where I want people to come correct instead of waiting for them to potentially get better #only for me to learn in the harshest way that they’re only getting worse #I’m not gonna be ur practice run this year. come when ur ready #the moment I sense someone isn’t saying what they mean it’s so over. like I’m flexible on so many flaws but NOT this one. communicate !!! #the people pleasing is literally kicking in rn but I’m just trying to be honest w myself about what my capacity can handle at the moment #and I’m genuinely at my wits’ end when it comes to communication. so I don’t think I’d be the best person for people like that #is this mean?? this feels like a fair boundary to make #p