#levi.speaking
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when the dissociative identity disorder dissociates your identity
#cant believe that this keeps happening#what utter bs#cdd alter#did alter#actuallycdd#actuallydid#did things#cdd things#did memes#cdd memes#did stuff#cdd stuff#actually did#actually cdd#levi.speaking#my.posts
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When you are overwhelmed:
Find a quieter place
I find it helpful to go outside or on a short walk, possibly with some soft music or white noise.
Getting away from loud or overlapping sounds helps immensely
I also prefer dimmer lights or natural lighting when possible.
Hydrate
Water is essential for all bodily functions, including sensory and emotional regulation.
Have your preferred water bottle with you and sip slowly. Add flavouring or ice if desired
Eat something
Again, taking care of your needs is key
If possible, get a small snack and eat slowly. My system usually keeps oyster crackers with us. They’re bland but have a good amount of salt which is important for us, as we have POTS
Most of our overstimulation is caused by being hungry and not realising it
Identify irritating clothing
Is an article of clothing too tight? Are you too cold or too warm? Is something itching?
Once you’ve identified anything that’s uncomfortable, make any adjustments you can that will remedy the issue
These solutions don’t have to be conventional to be effective. Flipping socks inside out can prevent you from feeling the seams. Dabbing cool water on your wrist and/or ankles can help cool you down.
Stimming
Stimming, or self-stimulatory behaviour, can help calm you down.
Safely stimming can include tapping your fingers, chewing gum, rocking back and forth etc.
There are also stim toys and chewable necklaces for this purpose. I have recommendations if anyone needs them
Identify and Devise a Solution
What led you to feeling overwhelmed?
Write down, either physically or digitally, what caused this and start to plan a solution
If it is a problem with completing a task, We use an app called Goblin Tools. It’s free on the website and the app is $0.99, neither of which have ads. It has a to do list that uses AI to break down your task into steps. It also has a feature to identify tone in writing among other things.
Break down your plan into small, manageable pieces. You don’t need to do everything right now.
Final steps
Communicate your needs to others. If you need to adjust your environment or tasks to accommodate your needs, tell others clearly what you need and how they can help
Breathe. You’re going to be okay. You are not a failure for needing to take a break. You are not a failure for being unable to take on everything at once.
You’ve got this
- Levi
#levi.speaks#actually did#small rant#system stuff#did system#sensory overload#so overstimulated#autism#actually autistic#autistic things#overwhelmed#sensory#self help#dissociative identity disorder#did osdd#did vent#did alter#fictive#aot fictive
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Happy new year.
Congrats on not dying. Now do it again.
#levi ackerman rp#aot roleplay#aot rp#[but what about his birthday i know idk im sorry😭]#shingeki no kyojin rp#aot levi#captain levi#attack on titan roleplay#levi.speaks
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"I wouldn't wish that upon my worst enemy" well I fucking would
#angercore#actuallyabused#actually abused#actuallytraumatized#actually traumatized#did protector#cdd protector#actuallydid#actuallycdd#actually did#actually cdd#actuallycptsd#actually cptsd#levi.speaking#my.posts
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when you realise you're actually constantly experiencing flashbacks when you thought it was just anxiety
#actuallyptsd#actuallycptsd#actuallydid#actuallycdd#actuallytraumatized#actually ptsd#actually cptsd#actually did#actually cdd#actually traumatized#trauma memes#ptsd memes#cptsd memes#did memes#cdd memes#levi.speaking#my.posts
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How your syskids will look at you when they see a huge pokemon plushie while you're trying to buy groceries
#little alter#syskid#actually did#actually cdd#actuallydid#actuallycdd#cdd memes#did memes#cdd alter#did alter#did little#cdd little#levi.speaking#my.posts
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Broke ❌🤓🤦: Dressing up the body to resemble your internal sense of self
Woke ✅😎👍: Going absolutely insane and treating the body like you're customising a cool character in a video game
#/j#cdd alter#did alter#cdd fictive#did fictive#cdd introject#did introject#actuallycdd#actuallydid#levi.speaking#my.posts#cdd memes#did memes
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Kinda uhhh realising maybe it's not normal to masturbate while having daydreams about being violently abused to death when you're like 4 years old every night before bed. Maybe it is not normal that some of your earliest memories are of you lying still with your eyes open and holding your breath seeing how dead you can be in your bed after imaging yourself being murdered. Maybe it's not normal when strange men walk up to your mom after you did belly dancing for a school play when you were 7 to tell her how great you were at it and how you were so captivating. And for my mom to brag about me appealing to a strange father like that. And for her mom to brag about it too. How I was so charming and beautiful and smart and a natural performer. How I was groomed by my own grandma for her own sadistic pleasures of manipulating children into doing what she wanted. A little song bird in its cage. A puppy doing tricks for its family. A child wanting to be loved by being useful to their family. A sister wanting to take on the burden of being the perfect doll to protect her younger siblings without even understanding that that was what she was doing. A little girl acting without even thinking. Just going along as if she didn't have free will. Just like a robot doing what it was built to do when you press the button. Don't think. Just do. Don't think. Just. Do.
I am so overwhelmed. I am fatigued. I feel so isolated and lonely. I cant tell anyone I know. I dont have many clear memories. My body remembers, but what precisely it's reliving, I don't know. Im scared to know. I want her dead
#tw csa#tw inc*st#tw sa#csa victim#csa survivor#tw hypersexual#tw sui ideation#csa vent#tw homicidal ideation#levi.speaking#my.posts
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When someone tells you (pwDID) that you used to be a little girl suffering through horrific abuse, but you are a 35 y/o man who's always been that age:
#actuallydid#actuallycdd#it's kinda funny that i truly cant really understand that that little girl was me like no thats the other ones#cdd alter#did alter#cdd fictive#did fictive#cdd introject#did introject#did memes#cdd memes#did stuff#cdd stuff#did things#cdd things#levi.speaking#my.posts#made the image :) it's my source bc it really shows how silly my brain thinks#idk man maybe none of this makes sense#i just woke up in the middle of the night to make the meme i thought of the day before
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I love being a physically and mentally strong 35 y/o man who can fight back and take no shit from people and never having been a little girl who was sexually abused by her own family. Right? That never happened to me.... right guys??
#tw csa#tw inc*st#csa survivor#actuallydid#actuallycdd#tw sa#csa victim#repressed memories#levi.speaking#my.posts#csa vent
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just thoughts on the living openly as a system if it was safe or choosing to present as a non-system/singlet:
For me, it would depend on what openly means. Would it just mean that I can be open whenever I want to with no prejudices and only share who's fronting if I feel like it? Or does it mean that I would always share who's fronting, co-con, co-fronting, blurry, ect? Because the first one sounds ideal and the latter sounds fucking horrible. Hell, we don't even know who's there most of the time and that's probably on purpose. That's kinda the deal with CDDs, ya kno?
All that I personally want is for any type of plurality to be seen as just a thing that some people are. In an ideal world, other people would be open to experiences foreign to themselves. They'd not be scared when they hear terms like DID or "split personality disorder". They'd not be xenophobic when hearing about someone's cultural/religious/spiritual plurality. They'd not be ableist, racist, or just mean to someone for having a different lived experience that is completely harmless. We are not dangerous or worth less than anyone else
So ig my personal answer to that question is that I'd just want the stigma to fuck off and to live in a kinder fucking world
#i dunno if i make sense#i believe i was not alone in writing this#does this count as syscourse?#or is syscourse only people hating each other#im just trying to grill for gods sake#actuallydid#actuallycdd#actually did#actually cdd#endos and non cdd-systems feel free to interact#just dont wanna spam your tags when im not in that group#if that makes sense#levi.speaking#my.posts
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How DID Disrupts Appropriate Decision Making - A Personal Switchy Ramble
This is based on our personal experiences with being a DID system. Seemingly each alter was split to hold clashing personalities that couldn't be integrated. This is because we as a child needed one "extreme" persona for one environment and another "extreme" persona for another environment
For example, our alter Sof is bubbly, forgiving and diplomatic, while I, Levi, am quick to anger, hold intense grudges and won't trust other people. My acute stress response is always fight, while Sof is more prone to fawn. I would not mind watching evil people being tortured to death (and participate), but Sof possesses very high empathy, since we wouldn't survive if we didn't forgive and submit to our abusers. I got to store the whole "never forgive, never forget" shit, while Sof can't help but see that evil person as if they are a victim deserving of another chance
This makes it extremely hard to act appropriately to everyday situations. We have been so used to living between extremes that mundane shit is difficult to understand. I am quick to cut off people and move on, while other parts will let us be walked all over instead of setting boundaries or just avoid everything going on - thereby isolating us instead of addressing what needs to be dealt with. Because our self is fragmented, our decisions will fluctuate as different alters front. When one alter makes a decision, the rest will panic, since they believe it was the wrong one, which leads to heavy dissociation and even panic attacks, self destruction and/or flashbacks
I think a lot of people, including us, have this wrong idea of having alters being some sort of superpower where you have experts in all kinds of things who can do tasks for you when you yourself can't handle them. But there's a reason CDDs are classified as severe mental disorders. Being a system isn't a superpower. Being a system is the result of severe childhood trauma, and traumatised people struggle. Of course decision making is hard when the consequences of one misstep could be detrimental for you as a child. When every decision feels like life or death, because that's what PTSD does. We are stuck in the past while time still goes on. It's like living in two dimensions
Idk this ended up very rambly and kinda reassuring towards myself at the end, but I'm gonna keep this in. There's definitely been other alters helping me write this during the last part (yo lol, Sof here). I wanted to make a more coherent post, but hey, this is what DID is like, so just gonna keep it like this
#actuallycdd#actuallydid#actually cdd#actually did#did things#cdd things#did stuff#cdd stuff#did vent#cdd vent#tw sh mention#tw sh implied#did alter#cdd alter#levi.speaking#my.posts#sof.speaking
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Fun (read: horrible, scary) thing about dissociative barriers is when something is clearly triggering you, but you don't know why you react so strongly. We'll see something and our body starts shaking and our vision gets blurry. Our heart beats so hard it feels like it's breaking through our ribs and flesh and we have such an extreme anger that we are ready to kill someone with our bare hands. But why do we react with such extreme emotions? Idk and I don't want to know ngl
#actuallycdd#actuallydid#actuallyptsd#actuallycptsd#actuallytraumatized#actually cdd#actually did#actually ptsd#actually cptsd#actually traumatized#levi.speaking#my.posts
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and I thought I looked like a cool guy 😔💔
#actually kinda fucking funny but a genuine surprise that im boring apparently :(#actuallycdd#actuallydid#cdd alter#did alter#did memes#cdd memes#endos dni#actually did#actually cdd#levi.speaking#my.posts
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Mood xoxo
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How does it feel to other systems when they switch? Here's some of our switching sensations:
Feeling like being thrown around inside our body like riding a roller coaster
Feeling like one of us dissolves into nothing and another person takes over the body (possession)
Suddenly feeling like having stepped into a foreign body
Forgetting "who we are" and feeling like we are an imposter trying to act like someone we aren't
Feeling like we are still a child trapped in our traumatic environment (flashback)
Not noticing for awhile until something/someone makes us think about it (like individual quirks, likes/dislikes, dysphoria, ect.)
Just some I thought of of the top of my head. We are still discovering more about ourselves and realising that what we are dealing with isn't normal and that we are indeed severely mentally ill. Awkward lol
#i think sof is co-con or co-fronting rn#so im fucking dissociated lmfao#wild feeling#actually cdd#actuallycdd#actually did#actuallydid#actuallyosdd#actually osdd#actuallypdid#actually pdid#actually udd#actuallyudd#actuallyddnos#actually ddnos#cdd stuff#did stuff#pdid stuff#levi.speaking#my.posts
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