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hannieehaee · 6 months

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them accidentally ditching you on your bday pt. 2 - vu

content: angsty, gender neutral, established relationship, etc.

part 1

wc: 4512

a/n: lmk if u want a pu ver pls <3 if there's part i forgot to make gender neutral pls lmk!!

masterlist

jeonghan -

jeonghan had no idea what to do. he'd never been in this position before. he prided himself in being a good friend and specially boyfriend. nothing in this world mattered to him more than his loved ones, which was why he was extremely disappointed in himself at having disregarded you and hurt your feelings in such a careless way. he knew it was your birthday, and he had wanted so badly to be with you, but he had been an idiot and let it slip his mind. there was no other way to put it. it made him sad more than anything, to know that you had spent the night worried over him only to wake up to zero communication from him, having spent a good 14 hours into your birthday without any word from him. he needed to fix this, he just didnt know how.

this was so unlike him. jeonghan had always known himself to be an attentive person. he noticed any time you changed your hair almost immediately, he'd notice new additions to your recipes, he'd take note of any time you switched things up in your apartment, he'd remember any and every important date. even now. he had remembered it, except he had skipped over it due to his idiocy, which really only made it worse.

after getting mocked by joshua for ten minutes as he racked his brain to find a solution, he decided to just improvise. he'd go to your apartment and see if you'd at least let him in to try and explain his way through an apology. he would pull all the dramatics if he had to. there was not a single care for his dignity in his mind right now. nothing would prevent him from showing you his utmost remorse.

only thirty minutes later and he was now outside your apartment window, looking up from his secluded spot inside the complex's garden. he pondered about calling you, but decided that going for a more unconventional route might do the trick a bit better. spotting some pebbles nearby, he grabbed a few, beginning to chuck them at your window. okay, kind of corny, but knowing you, he knew you'd appreciate the thought. he spent an unfortunate ten minutes throwing pebble after pebble until you finally opened your window, sticking your head out as soon as you spotted him down below.

"jeonghan. what the hell are you doing?", you seemed and sounded pissed. but, hey! that was a good sign. at least you were acknowledging his presence.

"my love!', he clutched at his heart, 'let me come see you. please. i want to apologize."

"fuck you, yoon jeonghan. why dont you go treat your hangover somewhere else?", you went to close your window, only to stop in your tracks as he yelled out again.

"wait! do you want me to beg? i will. i love you. i dont care what i have to do. i'll climb to the roof and profess my love for you for all of seoul to hear," yes, he was being overly dramatic, but he was also being genuine. if you actually wanted him to scream out to the world how much he regretted his stupidity, he would. you didnt even have to ask.

but he also knew public displays were a huge no for you, dating an idol and knowing the controversies being known as the significant other of the yoon jeonghan would bring. he was putting you in a bit of a spot. you could either let him up to apologize, or wake up to some ominous article stating yoon jeonghan of seventeen might be taken.

fortunately for him, you chose the former, which now placed him in your living room as you crossed your arms and huffed at him. okay, one step at a time. it was time to put jokes aside and get serious.

"angel ... i'm so sorry," he cooed at you, stepping forward a bit.

"jeonghan, dont talk to me like im a baby. im not in the mood."

"but you are my baby," he pouted at you, "you're my angel, my everything. i'm sorry. i didnt show you how much you mean to me last night. all i want to do is love you and take care of you. you can punish me all you want. i deserve it. but please let me sleep in your arms. im already away from you most of the time. dont deprive me one more day," and he meant all he said. you were his favorite form of comfort, and the thought of you being angry or hurt by him made him scared. he never wanted to risk you being ripped away from his arms, specially not due to his own doing.

"jeonghan ..."

"no, wait. i'm sorry. i shouldve never forgotten. i dont know how it happened. all i ever want to do every day is come back home to you, but i did the opposite on the worst day possible. i'll apologize over and over until you forgive me if that's what it takes. please just let me be with you on your birthday. i dont want you alone. i dont want you sad. i want you happy and content in my arms. please? i love you."

he mustve broken you down, as you landed in his arms immediately after he finished his speech. he couldve sworn he saw you eyes puffy and swollen before he wrapped his arms around you. his suspicion was confirmed just seconds later when he heard you sniffle against him.

"aigooo, no angel. dont cry. didnt wanna make you cry. you're making me look like such a bad guy, baby, making you cry on your birthday," he cooed at you as he held you as tight as possible.

you separated yourself from him, finally looking into his eyes while he caressed your cheeks, wiping any lone tears in them, "im so sorry, angel. forgive me? let me stay, please."

"yes, hannie. i love you."

"i love you so much more," and he'd spend the rest of his life the day showing that to you.

joshua -

joshua had not been this hungover in a while. he wasnt sure how this happened. last thing he remembered was his manager rushing him into a car right after the award show, letting the group know they'd been invited to an after party, and the company had deemed it smart to be in attendance for public image purposes. all members agreed enthusiastically, excited to mingle among their peers and maybe make some new connections in the process. joshua had been the lone member to be skeptical, knowing he had promised he'd be back to the hotel at an appropriate time in order to get on the phone with you and celebrate what was remaining of your birthday with you despite the current distance between you. however, he did not want to get in the way of his members' fun, so he kept any objections to himself and joined them with matching enthusiasm.

his original plan was to roam the party for an hour or so, which wouldve allowed him to get back to call you on time, but ironically, time got away from him. the next thing he knew, he was waking up at 11am in the morning in mingyu's hotel room, head pounding and phone full of unread notifications. he wasnt sure how this happened. the last thing he remembered was being at the party, margarita in hand as he and his members drank their souls away in celebration of yet another successful award show season. it was around three margaritas in that joshua had begun to disregard his phone, and with that you as well. as soon as he saw the dejection in your messages upon waking up, he spammed you with texts and voice memos expressing his regret, but received no response from you. he had hurt you and now you were ignoring him. and with good reason.

joshua knew that there wasnt much he could do from his current location, specially while you were (justifiably) icing him out. so he committed to his next best option. he immediately booked a ticket back to korea, letting his manager know that he'd just be returning home two days in advance to the rest of the members. all they had scheduled left was an interview tomorrow, so his absence would probably not have that big of an effect. five grueling hours later and he arrived to korea, exhausted and still slightly hung over, but with a whole speech planned to beg for your forgiveness.

in the process, he had tried calling you again and again, still earning no response. this disheartened him, making him think that maybe his grand gesture would only be taken negatively. he picked up some flowers on the way, gift he had bought in japan a few days ago in hand, ready to knock on your apartment door. despite the exhaustion, he was here. a day late to celebrate your birthday, but still here nonetheless.

your face upon answering the door had been of surprise, not anger like he feared, but that only lasted for a few seconds until you started to berate him.

"joshua? what are you doing here?"

"baby, i'm so so sorry. can i come in? please?"

you moved aside without further words, gesturing for him to continue talking.

he suddenly remembered the flowers and boxed gift in hand, signaling to them before handing them to you, "oh, these are for you," he felt extremely inadequate, something that was very rare for him. he had practiced a whole speech, a whole profession of love and regret, but now his mind was blank. you just looked so. disappointed. he couldn't stand it.

'i'm sorry. i- i have no good excuse. the party got the best of me and i completely spaced out on our plans. i never meant to forget about you. please believe me.'

"joshua ... this was your idea. you had me waiting all night just to ghost me. you spent my birthday partying without even thinking of me."

he grabbed onto your hands, placing the flowers and gift on the table before doing so. he held onto you as he began to get exasperated in his speech, "there's no world in which i wasn't thinking of you. you're all thats ever on my mind. i didnt even wanna go to that stupid party, but i didnt want to inconvenience anyone. please, i- i wanted to call you. i ... yeah, i got drunk and distracted. and thats my fault. im sorry. i came back early to be with you. to make up for being a dumbass. please let me make it up to you. please? i'll serenade you like i promised. i'll get on my knees. do you want me to get on my-"

you interrupted him as he began to kneel halfway through his speech, slapping at him lightheartedly as he began to get more dramatic by the second. he knew it was hard for you to get angry at him when he started pulling all stops like he did. he came back and begged on his knees, even offered to express his love to you through song. he was making you hold in your laugh. these were all good signs, right?

"you .. you're such an idiot, hong jisoo. i hate you," but he knew you didnt mean it. he could hear and see the smile on your face, knowing he had been successful at wearing you down.

"if you ever do this again, ill date jeonghan instead."

"ouch!", he dramatically grabbed onto his chest, as if you'd just wounded his heart, causing you to laugh, "hannie? okay, can't blame you. he's pretty cute," he chuckled, "but for now ... let me spend the day with my love? hmm?", he pulled you closer, nuzzling his nose against yours as you feigned annoyance at him.

"fine," you rolled your eyes, "i'm still mad at you, though."

yeah, he had a lot of making up to do, but this was a start.

jihoon -

jihoon had not stopped beating himself up over his actions ever since you hung up the phone. he had spent the entirety of the day rethinking all his choices leading up to this. he had wanted to go running to you and apologize, but you had specifically asked him to stay away, so he wanted to respect your wishes. still, he felt like complete and utter shit at the way he disregarded you so easily. he wished he could go back in time and slap some sense into himself.

he had always been scared. scared that his job would someday get in the way of your relationship. it had been so hard for him to find someone to love; someone who loved him just as much. and the moment he found you he treasured you more than anything, but now his stupid workaholic tendencies had gotten in the way. he was terrified right now that you'd start to see the error in your choice to be with him. that you'd want to find someone who wouldnt so easily put his job over everything else.

it was now 11am of the following day, and you had not called him yet. he was beginning to get worried. were you icing him out? had he hurt you that badly? he could never blame you for feeling hurt at his neglect, but he could also not help his own feelings of dejection at you ignoring him due to your anger. alas, he still gave you all reason; this had been his own doing.

he waited a couple hours before giving up on waiting, instead choosing to confide in a few of his members to inquire as to what they'd do if they ever pulled something like this with their own significant others. after being scolded for a good few minutes due to his carelessness towards you, they told him that maybe showing up to your apartment as a demonstration of his affection to you (joined by a sincere apology, of course) would make you look his way again.

so now he was here, about to knock on your door with your favorite flowers in hand. he was terrified. the two of you had never fought. there had never been a single time in which you'd hurt each other's feelings. it had all been nothing but love and tenderness in your relationship thus far. he was your best friend, and you were his. yet he had no idea how to communicate to you how much you meant to him, and how much of a stupid mistake his slip up had been.

before he could think further, he forced himself to knock on your door, hoping you wouldnt immediately throw him out. to his surprise, you opened the door and even wordlessly gestured for him to enter. you looked ... sad. you looked the way he'd feel had you ghosted him on his own birthday. yeah, he didnt care much for his birthday, but your absence would wound him nonetheless. he imagined it felt the same for you.

"i ... i'm so sorry. i dont know what to say .. i- i fucked up. so badly. i have no idea how or why i forgot. there's nothing i can do to make up for it, but please know im so fucking sorry."

"jihoon ... how? you picked my birthday of all days to lock yourself in your studio? i've never judged your busy schedule. i understand your career. i respect it. i get that you cant help being busy. your job is too demanding of your time, but for you to ignore me when you had full control of your free time? why?", he could see how disappointed you felt at his neglect; how hurt you felt at him, not only through your words, but through your closed off body language. you were hugging yourself with your arms, not holding eye contact as you stared anywhere but into his eyes. despite your confident words, your demeanor was deflated. and it was his fault.

"it was- it was a mistake. it was all my fault. i cant argue my way around it. but i love you. i didnt .. i didnt mean to neglect you. you're all i think about. every song ive ever written, even before meeting you, was about you. you're everything. i'm just an idiot. i dont know how to do this ... ive never loved like this. i have no idea what to do when i fuck up. all i can do is promise you to be better. please give me a chance to be better. i'll be more attentive. i know i'm cold, and im not too affectionate, but i love you. i'll make it up to you. please, just dont let this be the end. i'll keep you in my studio with me whenever i lock myself away. won't ever go a day without letting you know what im doing, how im doing. please. i'll do anything to show you."

he worried his ramble mightve been too much, feeling to scared to even hold eye contact with you as he went on and on about how much he loved you. unexpectedly, upon looking up, he found your reddened eyes, with a stuffy nose to match. fuck. had he hurt your feelings again?

"jihoon ... i- i love you. i'm sorry. i cant believe you could ever think i wanted this to be the end. i was hurt and mad- i am hurt, but i love you," you sniffled your way through your short speech, but jihoon heard it perfectly fine. these were the words he prayed to hear from you all of last night as he stayed up thinking about you.

"fuck. thank god," he couldnt help himself in hugging you, holding you tightly against his arms, and sighing in relief at your reciprocation, "i love you. i'll take the week off. let me take you away and show you how much you mean to me. please? will you come with me?"

"yes, jihoon. i love you."

"i love you. you have no idea."

seokmin -

seokmin felt extremely scared. you weren't answering any of his calls. he knew you were physically okay, but he also knew your feelings were hurt, and you were probably extremely angry at him. you had all reason to be angry at him. he ditched you and kept you in the dark all day. on your birthday! seokmin had never been in a situation like this before. he had always prided himself in being the best boyfriend that one could ever be, even sometimes introducing himself as your boyfriend instead of with his own name. except today he had disappointed both you and himself beyond belief.

he knew you'd asked him to stay away for the night, and he'd usually respect your one and every wish, but today he needed to go against the current and go and beg for your forgiveness.

in very non-seokmin fashion, he exited the event just as quickly as he'd arrived, not even caring to say goodbye to his friends. you were his number one priority, after all. specially today of all days. he had his driver stop by a flower shop on the way, hoping the innocent gesture would maybe have you show some mercy on his stupidity.

he showed up to your apartment immediately after, having mentally prepared a whole speech for you on the way there. he was going to tell you how much he loved you, and how this was just a completely stupid slip of his mind, that this would never happen again, but all these thoughts left his mind as soon as you opened the door, eyes swollen and glossy. every rational thought went out the window upon spotting your saddened state causing seokmin's eyes to match your own as he felt himself begin to tear up. he couldnt help himself in immediately embracing you in a tight hug, thanking god when he felt you hold him back.

you two sniffled against each other for a bit, neither of you full on crying, but still being overly emotional at the situation. seokmin mumbled endless apologies against your hair, running his hands up and down your back as if to soothe you. he was over the moon to hear an 'i love you' from you in the middle of your sorrowful mumbles against his chest, doubling the sentiment as he cried to you how much he loved you and how badly he regretted letting you slip his mind for even a second. when he pulled back, he expressed the same sentiment all over again.

"my baby ... i love you so much. please let me make it up to you. i- i brought you flowers!", he finally recalled the flowers he had dropped as soon as you closed the door behind him ten minutes ago, "i know it doesnt make up for anything, but please let it be a start. i'll do anything you want. just want you to never cry over me like this again, baby. i love you too much to make you cry," he wiped at your tears as he said this, caressing your cheeks while he looked at you with pure adoration in his eyes.

"minnie," you pouted at him, "stay the night? please? want you at least for the bit that's left of today."

"today? oh, baby. i'm giving you my whole week. told you i was gonna make it up to you. i'll do everything you want, my love. now let me take you to bed, yeah? wanna hold my beautiful angel to sleep."

he slept soundly that night, knowing you had somehow forgiven him and even given him the privilege to hold you in his sleep, also knowing he'd do anything and everything necessary to make up for his stupid mistake.

seungkwan -

he had put literally everyone else above you. on your birthday. there was truly no other way to spin it. he had never felt more guilt in his life, and it was all completely on him. having even thought of going out with his friends on your birthday shouldve given him the first red flag in his stupid plan. why didnt he just bring you along? god, he was such an idiot. and then allowing mingyu and dongmin to entice him into a two hour long live broadcast just to secure some fanservice was just the nail in the coffin.

he knew he hurt you badly. he had promised you he'd be there, but had just left you in the dark all day. he couldnt blame you for not wanting to see him today, but now he was stuck tossing and turning in his bed as he itched to hold you in his arms. he had called the company immediately after your call, letting them know he'd be skipping the usual dance practice and recordings in favor of being with you, which is what he should've done all day today.

it wasnt long until he grew too restless to simply stay in bed while he knew you were probably in a similar position, except most likely sad and angry. he couldnt help himself when he decided to head to you, feeling bad at calling up his driver at such late hours of the night. the journey to your apartment was a short one, which left him with little time to think over what he'd say to you in order to convey his regret. he didnt care much for what he said, he just wanted to alleviate your hurt somehow.

just as he expected, you were awake, now standing in front of him as you opened the door to your apartment. your eyes were puffy, a huge indicator that you'd been crying. your eyes also wouldnt meet his, with your eyebrows lowered in clear sadness. seeing you and knowing your current state was his fault felt like a kick in the gut. he had never made you cry before, so he was extremely disappointed in himself. worst of all, seeing you cry made him start to tear up a bit himself.

"baby ..."

"what do you want, kwan? i thought you were busy all day," your words carried venom behind them, but your delivery was still of someone who had been hurt.

"no, baby. you know that's not true. i'm never too busy for you. i'm so sorry. i was such an idiot. there arent enough apologies i could give you. i- i never meant to hurt your feelings."

"you still did."

"i ... i know. i'm sorry. i love you. the last thing i ever want is for you to be hurt by me. i never shouldve gone out with my friends to begin with. you're too understanding of my busy schedule, and i dont deserve it. i shouldve made time all day for you today."

"was ... was it that important? being gone today specifically?", you seemed insecure in your question, which only made seungkwan's heart soar at making you feel insecure around him in any way.

"no! no, of course not. i wasnt thinking. i shouldve told them id go with them next time, or taken you with me! i was so stupid, i'm sorry. you're my priority. i need you to know that."

"it's- it's fine, kwannie. i understand. you dont see your friends that often, you-"

"no! stop. dont try to rationalize it. i made a mistake. you dont have to cover for me. i hurt you and i made you feel unimportant when you're the most important person to me. im so sorry. please never doubt that. i get you all to myself so little, and staying away from you was such a stupid mistake."

more tears had started flowing down your cheeks the further the conversation went on. he wasnt sure if it was because you were touched by his words, or because he was failing at making you feel better. as he neared you enough to wipe your tears with his thumbs, he hoped it was the former.

"baby .. don't cry over me. please. i'm just an idiot. you should never cry over me. i only ever want you to feel good things when thinking of me. i- im so sorry."

"kwannie ... i love you. i understand. i know you dont want me to understand, but i do. you have to make your choices when you're as busy as you are, and .. even though it did make me feel unimportant, i get it."

"it'll never happen again. i'll- i'll keep you by my side day and night. let me- please let me keep you to myself tomorrow. just wanna be with you. please?"

for the first time in the night, he saw you shoot him a small smile, uttering the words he wanted to hear most, "yes, kwannie. will you .. will you stay? please"

"you don't even have to ask."

a/n: thank u to everyone who enjoyed this lil series aaaa i hope it was realistic enough T-T sorry if the reconciliation seemed rushed, i just didnt want any of them to end up with an angsty ending hehe also sorry for seokmin's being shorter than anyone's i just cannot imagine that man ever hurting anyone's feelings.

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actiniumwrites · 3 months

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kiss me (not)

synopsis: how they’d react when you dodge/ wipe off their kisses for a day as a prank

characters: gaming, kujou sara, heizou, tighnari, cyno, kaveh, and lyney x gn!reader

warnings: fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, some humor, established relationships, etc

notes: i love this prompt so much omg. i’ve read a lot of fics other people have written for different fandoms and i’m actually shocked i haven’t written it before considering i eat it up every time (especially when there’s some angst 🫠)

gaming:

the first time he sees you wipe off his kiss, something in him dies a little, especially when you don’t say anything after he asks if you’re okay

so he starts doubting himself and compensating for where he may went wrong

maybe he had bad breath? or you weren’t having a good day today?

he hates that he doesn’t know what he did wrong, and even worse, why you keep doing it throughout the day

you only stop when you see the way he genuinely starts beating himself up over it, deciding it wasn’t funny anymore and honestly never was

“it was a prank,” you nudge him softly, regret overflowing from your voice, “i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. i shouldn’t have kept it going for so long.”

a relieved breathe and a small smile from him follow right after. you can tell he’s still a bit stuck on the whole thing, but deep down, he’s just grateful he didn’t screw up somewhere because there’s no way in hell gaming would ever let himself lose you

“it’s okay,” he breathes out, clutching your hand a little tighter than usual, “just please, don’t do it again, okay?”

kujou sara:

to say she’s confused is an understatement

she’ll immediately backtrack to make sure she actually just saw that correctly. did you really just wipe off her kiss?

so she goes in for another one, and sure enough, you dodge her this time and send her a quick goodbye before slipping out of the house and running off to work

it legitimately ruins her whole day. she can’t even function at work because it’s all she can think about

and by the time she’s home at night, she’s already tired and just wants you but she’s also too afraid that maybe she did something to upset you

fortunately for her, you spare her of the prank knowing your girlfriend well enough to know that the second she walks through the door she had a shitty day

so you apologize and tell her it was just a prank and you didn’t mean any harm

and she wants to be so mad at you for it, but literally can’t no matter how hard she tries so instead she just gives in and gets the kiss she’s been thinking about all day

heizou:

he realizes right away what you’re doing and finds it rather amusing

so he’ll play along too, not trying to kiss you at all and even going a step further and not showing you any sort of physical attention

try to hold his hand? not happening. hugging him? not a chance

and it ends up becoming a competition, because what can you say? you’re both competitive people

goes on until the end of the day and only ends when you’re both too tired to keep it up

“you’re no fun, you know?” you poke his chest as you tiredly lean against him

he smiles down at you, “how so? i let you play your little pranks, didn’t i? i even played along.”

you just scoff and scoot away, tucking yourself into the warm blankets and ignoring his teasing

but then he’ll grab you and pull you into his chest, giving into you, “fine. next time i’ll give you the reaction you want. happy now?”

tighnari:

the opposite of heizou: he’s very unamused, and is very aware of what’s going on.

as soon as you back away from him after he tries to kiss you, his face falls into a deadpan and he crosses his arms menacingly

“i’ll have you know i don’t find pranks like these very funny,” he’ll immediately tell you off, not wanting to act so childishly when it comes to affection

tighnari cares a lot about people, whether he shows it or not, so to have you pretend to dodge it upsets him — even if it is meant to be a mere lighthearted prank

so you apologize instantly, feeling a little bad over the whole ordeal, “it’s just a prank, you know? i thought it would be funny to see how you’d react.”

definitely the kind of person to feel a little bashful and guilty for overreacting over something so silly, but also doesn’t want to admit it

so he’ll just silently kiss you and act like nothing happened, secretly hoping you’ll never try to pull something like that again

cyno:

at first, he thinks it’s kinda funny since he always plays jokes. however, i think he’s similar to tighnari in the sense that he also takes a little offense to it

like, he knows it’s a joke, but he just can’t help feeling a little hurt over it

“is something the matter?” he’ll ask while you’re both on the way to meet with friends. you shake your head no, fighting a smile

defeatedly, he leaves it at that, knowing you won’t budge. he’ll feel miserable the entire time and won’t stop thinking about how you won’t give the prank up, even in front of your friends

and when you both leave for the night, he crosses his arms and confronts you as you both walk home, “it isn’t funny.”

“what isn’t funny?”

“your prank. it isn’t funny. i don’t like the way you’re avoiding kissing me,” he says bluntly. it makes your heart sink into your stomach a bit, admittedly starting to feel a bit bad

so you apologize and work everything out, telling him you got the idea from alhaitham who was curious to see how he’d react in a situation like that — that, and he felt like pissing cyno off for a day, but you didn’t need to know that part

he’ll get frustrated, but is glad it’s all settled. he’ll also be extra affectionate throughout the next week, feeling as if he somehow lost time with you

kaveh:

gets so offended omg he will literally hate you

the first time you do it, his jaw drops to the floor and he calls you out on it immediately

“what was that?” he points an accusatory finger at you

you bite back a smile and feign innocence, “huh? what are you talking about?”

will not let you leave for the day until you drop the act and properly return his kiss

when you continue to go on with the prank, however, he’ll start to get all pouty and just ask you to kiss him

and he just looks so cute that you cup his face and give him a big fat kiss and walk out the door immediately after without a word and a big smile on your face, satisfied with his reaction

lyney:

he gets so dramatic about it it’s not even funny

will literally clutch his chest and fall to the ground in public so that you stop him

when you don’t and you let him face public humiliation (because you find it funny too), he stops himself and gets back up

follows you around like a lost puppy all day and will constantly try to sneak in a kiss while you’re caught of guard, but you never fall for it and he gets so much more frustrated each and every time

then he begs lynette and freminet to help him, except they think it’s funny too seeing how whipped he is for you

and he knows it’s a prank too, but the fact that you won’t break makes him so lovingly annoyed with you

you don’t stop until lynette genuinely intervenes, complaining about how annoying lyney had gotten throughout the day, “please end his suffering already. you know my brother is an idiot who doesn’t shut up and i’ve had enough of him today.”

you laugh it off, but ultimately agree

so you go and find him, which wasn’t that hard, and tap him on the shoulder before planting a gentle kiss to his lips, “sorry for pranking you. it was just too funny of an opportunity to pass up.”

“you’re so mean to me,” he’ll complain, but will then continue to kiss you so often that you’re now the annoyed one instead

#genshin #genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #genshin impact fanfiction #gaming x reader #gaming x you #kujou sara x reader #kujou sara x you #heizou x reader #heizou x you #tighnari x reader #tighnari x you #cyno x reader #cyno x you #kaveh x reader #kaveh x you #lyney x reader #lyney x you

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amerricanartwork · 29 days

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RW Headcanon: "Pebbsie Privilege"

Here’s a headcanon I’ve had in the works for a while, and now I finally want to share it! It's shorter than some of my others, but I hope you'll still find it amusing!

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So firstly (and I plan to expand on this more later) I headcanon Five Pebbles is someone who cares a lot about his appearance, though not in a prissy or snooty sense and more in a “likes being the smartest and most sophisticated one in the room” sense. That means, more so than the average person, he generally doesn’t like being teased, ignored, belittled, condescended to, or otherwise disrespected, and very understandably so if you ask me! But it also means there exists a very special ability when it comes to interacting with Five Pebbles that almost no characters have.

It’s no more than the ability of someone to refer to Five Pebbles as “Pebbsie” while he’s in earshot without getting death-glares from him. Looks to the Moon, who first started using it, affectionately calls this ability “Pebbsie privilege”, and she ends up being one of the only characters who has it (besides Innocence, who in my portrayals eventually gets it too). Though even so, Pebbles originally got rather flustered when she called him that alone, much less in front of others, considering it's definitely a very cutesy nickname. In fact, poor Pebbles really didn’t like being called “Pebbsie” because one of his least favorite ways of being treated is like a child (which includes being thought of as "cute" in any way). This unfortunately happens to him a lot though since he’s part of the newest iterator generation and tends to have lots of uncommon ideas rarely taken seriously by the older models, and this treatment only amplified as he grew more stubborn and arrogant.

To elaborate on the origin, Moon developed the nickname pretty much on an impulse — quite a rare thing for her to act on actually — of wanting to hearken more to her role as “Big Sis Moon” and show love to her little brother. Soon after she started using it though Pebbles would pull her into private chats and urge her to drop it to save his dignity. Not wanting to hurt her brother in any way, it didn’t take long before she apologized and stopped using it, and basically got her "Pebbsie privilege" revoked. In the current time she secretly still likes calling him that in her mind, but knowing how much he dislikes it she always feels pretty guilty afterwards, despite them being no more than thoughts at that point. While not a major issue in-and-of itself, this situation was actually a small step in worsening a long-time fear Moon has, though that’s a headcanon for another day…

On a (marginally) more positive note however, after Moon’s collapse and the worsening of Five Pebbles’s rot, along with him generally reminiscing about the things he used to have (as part of yet more character headcanons I’ll elaborate on some other time), he actually began to grow fond of the nickname more and more. Yet he also couldn’t also shake the growing heartache the memories brang, as he came to see it as a reminder of his sister’s never-ending love for him and the better times he now regretted taking for granted and trying so hard to escape. While I headcanon he handles it differently in Downpour’s canon, in the worm-off-the-string AU story I’ve got so far, Moon slowly regaining her “Pebbsie privilege” and Pebbles appreciating it and no longer taking it so seriously (though he still forbids its usage in public) could serve as a small, yet sweet indicator of character growth for both of them.

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Aaaand another RW headcanon done! I wanna mention, though, now that I’ve got more of an idea for the aforementioned AU I really want to start posting more of my headcanons for the Local Group, since the character interactions, histories, and ultimate character growth is perhaps one of the most important elements of that story so far. I’ve spent at least a couple weeks creating almost 40 pages worth of character notes, and while this particular one started out as just a little side-headcanon, I ended up tying it into all of that. Hopefully I can start sharing the main parts of these headcanons soon!

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lovingmattysposts · 5 months

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You don't know me 8

P1 P2 P3 P4 P5 P6 P7 P8 P9 P10 P11 P12 P13 P14 P15 P16 P17 P18 P19 P20 P21 P22 P23 P24 P25 P26 P27 P28 P29 P30 P31 P32

pairing: y/n and chris sturniolo

summary: you and chris came from two different sides of the spectrum when it came to the social scale. You had the perfect life, the perfect boyfriend, the perfect parents, but when you start to peal back that layers things got messy. Your life was set and stone, your future was set and stone. That was until he comes and changes everything.

warnings: mentions of a toxic relationship, cursing, suggestive

The morning came fast after last night. Chris walked me home, we were mostly silent. There was no more almost-kisses that were almost exchanged before we came to my tree. He kept his distance and I kept mine. I looked at him before starting to climb the tree. I watched from my balcony as he walked down the street, until he disappeared out of my sight.

Leaning back against the doors that opened into my room, I regretted how that went down between us. There were too many moments that almost caused me to slip again. It was like I couldn't control myself around him. Like it were almost impossible, and I hated myself for it.

I forgave Max early this morning when I woke up. The irrationality woke me up at 6am. I had to forgive him because of all of the things I was guilty for doing. I almost kissed Chris last night. I shook my head at my thoughts. This was ridiculous. I needed to control myself. No matter how bad things get with Max and I, that does not give me the right to cheat on him again. I already feel bad enough about everything already.

I stood up out of bed. I need to start getting ready. Max was going to be here in 30 mintues to come pick me up. I needed to look good. I needed him to notice the effort I was putting in for him, especially after our fight. I walked over to my desk before turning on the light and pulling out my makeup. I just needed to forget about Chris for a while.

By the time I was walking out of the door, my hair was curly, my lips were glossed, and I was drenched in perfume. I smiled when I saw his car. I walked over and opened the door before getting in. Max smiled at me. I just looked at him smiling, waiting for him to say something.

"It's a three hour drive so I don't mind if you get some sleep, I know it's early" He said as he backed out of my driveway. My eyebrows furrowed, but I shook my head. "I'm not tired, I fell asleep early last night" I lied. I was up until past midnight. I looked down and straightned out the bracelets on my wrist and looked back at him. He sighed and shook his head. "I did not" He said. I just looked at him.

"Cayden had me taking shots until after three" He groaned. I didn't say anything and looked down. I bit my lip. "I know Sydney told me" I mumbled. Max looked over at me, but I didn't look at him. Silence filled the air for a second. "I-I didn't know she was going to be there" He lied. I knew he lied because of what Sydney had texted me. I nodded and looked down.

"And I meant those texts y/n/n, I am sorry for the way I acted" He apologized. Maybe he was sorry. Maybe he was sorry for screaming at me over the outfit, or for almost killing me in the car, or intentionally uninviting me to hangout with our friends, but I didn't really care if he was actually sorry or not. All I cared about is that he never acted the way Chris acts towards me.

Chris was right, Max wasn't a nice person, but he was my person. Or at least he used to be. All that mattered was that he was kind to me. I don't know why I didn't care if he were kind to other people until now, but I do.

I guess I was just scared to lose him. I'm still scared to. The only thing that changed was now I wasn't only scared to lose him, I was too scared to stand up for myself. Because now that meant all the unkindness he showed to others, he showed to me. That's what scared me.

"It's okay Max. I just want to know that were okay" I whispered. He sighed. "I love you, you know that" He said looking at me. I stared at my lap. "Hey" He said softly. I looked up at him. He grabbed my hand as he glanced from the road to me. "You know that right?" He said looking at me. I nodded. I want to believe that at least. He smiled and brought my hand up to kiss it.

"But" He breathed. I looked up at him. "Can you agree that you might have stepped out of line a little bit too?" He asked. I sighed and looked down. No. I didn't step out of line. "I know, I did" I forced out of my mouth. He smiled and put his hand on my leg. He just didn't want to be the one completely in the wrong. I had to be somehow wrong too. Either way it's not worth fighting about, and I knew it. I knew it all too well.

"I'm sorry" I said quietly. Max looked over at me. "It's okay, I forgive you" He smiled. How did I end being the one apologizing? He lifting his hand off my leg. I was just ready to get back to the old Y/n and Max. The dynamic duo that everyone loved. That I loved.

I looked up at him and smiled. "Do y'notice anything different about me babe?" I smiled brigthly at him. He smiled and looked at me, then the road. He squinted his eyes. "That smile" He smiled. I rolled my eyes. "Okay, anything else?" I said looking at him. He looked at me again and shook his head. I frowned.

"I put on eyeliner and I used a different perfume" I pointed towards my eyes. He looked back at my eyes. "Oh yeah, your eyes do look darker" He said. I looked back towards the road. "I like when you put on makeup for me babe" He said putting his hand back on my leg and squeezing it. I looked up at him and smiled lightly.

"It makes you look hot" He smiled. I looked down. My favorite compliment, hot. Not 'my beautiful girl' or 'you look so pretty baby'. Nope just hot. I nodded. His hand slid higher on my leg. I looked down before looking up at him. "I so glad were not fighting anymore" He said looking over at me. I smiled. "Me too" I finally let a truth slip out of my mouth.

"If we win tonight, do you think we could celebrate?" He smiled. I pursed my lips. "I think you did enough celebrating last night" I raised my eyebrows. He rolled his eyes before squeezing my leg again.

"No I mean- just me and you" He said sliding his hand higher and attempting to push it up my skirt. I put my hand on his stopping it. "Max" I said through gritted teeth feeling my face go red.

"What?" He smiled over at me. I pushed it down towards my knee. "We'll see" I said looking out the window. He hummed. Ah sexual favors, like always, but it's never my turn.

The game started a few minutes ago and I sat alone against the cold bleachers since Max's parents were out of town. Instead I just played with the bracelets on my wrists. With Max on the ice and Sydney still dead asleep at Cayden's there was nothing on my phone. Instead I was trapped with my thoughts. Every time I let my mind race like this, it always went to Chris. I don't know why it did, but it always did without a doubt.

I knew I shouldn't let my mind run like this, but it was only place I could think about Chris and not feel guilty. Well I shouldn't say that. I do feel guilty, but the more I think about him, the more I can't control it. He's all I think about, and I don't know why.

Max's hand on my leg, I imagined it was Chris's. I saw a guy smoking a cigerttee when we walked in, I thought of Chris. As I felt the cold air outside, I thought of Chris's warm fire and blankets last night. As I was even getting ready this morning, I imagined I was getting ready to see Chris. My thoughts were getting out of control and I didn't know what to do.

I ran my fingers through my hair and let out a breath. I wondered to myself if I had just leaned forwards a little bit last night, if I would have regretted it. I wondered if Chris would have blamed me. If he was just testing me to see if I were the type of girl who would cheat on Max again, to see if I was full of shit before.

If I had just leaned forward.

I put my hands on my knees and my face in my hands. I needed to control myself. Chris would have never done what Max did to me. I wondered also if Chris thought about me as much as I thought about him.

He definitely didn't.

He's not even the one in a relationship right now. Is it wrong to think about another man the way I think about Chris? Is it wrong that I can't stop thinking about the way he held my hand as we walked through the woods? Or the way he looked down at me as I looked up towards the stars? Or the way he just listened to what I had to say?

Is it wrong about how much I think about how blue his eyes were when he talked? Or the way he licked his lips? Or the way I stare at his lip ring? Or the way he makes my heart beat when I'm around him? Or the fact that I'm sitting at my boyfriend's hockey game imaging the way his tongue would feel as he-

"Hey"

"Jesus!" I yelled putting my hand against my chest and looked up. Chris looked down at me laughing lightly. I looked away from him feeling my face go red. Did I accidentally summon him with my thoughts?

"Are you okay?" He laughed as he sat down next to me. I still didn't look up at him, feeling how red my face was. "I thought I told you to stop doing that" I said quickly, trying to calm down my heart rate. He smiled and looked off towards the ice. I sighed and finally looked up at him.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him. He took some skittles out of the bag before eating some and looking at me. "Someone had to drive Nate" He pointed towards the ice. I looked off and saw Nate skating down the ice for the puck. I sighed and nodded. Of course, Nate. "Right" I breathed.

"Are you alright? You look a little flustered when I walked up" He smiled at me. I looked away from. "I was just thinking" I breathed. I felt his gaze on me as I stared forward. "About what?" He asked as he chewed. I looked at him and then at the skittles in his hands.

"Skittles? Really? Those aren't very healthy" I said directly conversation back on him. He looked down at the skittles and then at me.

"Oh because I'm just the king of health?" He smiled, making me smile and shake my head. I looked down at my shoes. Chris cleared his throat. "So you and uh... Max made up?" He asked motioning towards the ice. I looked over and saw Max standing on the ice. I looked down at my hands and shrugged. Chris just looked at me. Why was I embarrassed to say yes? Chris nodded and looked down.

I wish I could tell him everything, but I can't. I didn't want to disrespect Max and I didn't want to tell him that I wished I would have kissed him last night. That makes me a bad person and I didn't want to be a bad person. Not to Chris.

"So he wouldn't care if he saw me sitting next to you right?" Chris smiled down at me. I smiled at him. I knew he said it as a joke. Chris could care less if Max saw us sitting together or not. This boy is full of trouble. I looked out towards the ice and squinted. "He can't see us from all the way over here right?" I smiled at him. Chris smiled and shook his head.

"You're bad" Chris whispered making goosebumps go over my arms. I put my hands over my arms, rubbing them away. Even my body reacts to him. He looked over at me. "Are you cold?" He asked looking at me. Freezing. "I'm okay" I whispered. "You've got goosebumps" He pointed out.

God, this man notices everything.

"Here" he said as he shrugged off his jacket. I quickly looked at him shaking my head. "No, No, It's okay Chris really" I whispered, but he already shrug off the jacket and was attempting to hand it to me. I tilted my head at him.

"What?" He smiled. I looked off towards the ice and then back at him. He looked at the ice and then back at me. "What?" He smiled. "Would he be more okay with you being cold?" He raised his eyebrows. Yes actually. I sighed and took the jacket and pulled it around me. Chris looked at me. I glanced over at him as he looked at me.

"What?" I smiled. He smiled. "You did your makeup different today" He stated. I felt my cheek flush. Everything. I looked down, putting my hand up to my face. "Yeah I-I don't know I just-" I started to say. "You look pretty" He cut me off. I blushed and looked down.

“You always look pretty” He mumbled as he went back to eating his skittles. I turned my head away from him, attempting to hide my smile. This wasn't making my thoughts about him better.

I turned back towards him, watching him eat his skittles, but he was intentionally leaving the green ones out. I looked over at him with furrowed eyebrows. He looked up at me. "What?" He smiled. I shook my head.

"Why are you leaving out the green ones?" I asked pointing towards the skittles. He looked down at his hand "I hate the green ones" He said shaking his head. I gasped. He looked up at me.

"Chris those are the best ones" I argued looking at him. He raised his eyebrows and looked down at the green ones before grabbing my hand and placing all the green ones in mine. I looked down at them and the back at him. He just looked up and watched the game. I smiled and held them and looked at him.

"You're missing your boyfriend absolutly bomb on offense" Chris laughed looking forward. I pushed him slightly before looking towards the ice. I sighed letting go of my breath. Chris's knee bumped into mine. I glanced down at our touching knees but didn't move mine, but he didn't move his either.

Chris looked down at our knees and then to me, but I stared forward pretending not to notice them. It was like us silently saying something without saying it. Like if anyone were to notice they wouldn't look at us twice but we noticed. With him it was like everything was intentional.

The rest of the game Chris continued to eat the skittles and continued to hand me the green ones when he poured them out. We talked about how hockey was boring to watch but we were both forced to go to all the games.

We talked about Nate and their friendship and all the things Nate did to annoy Chris, but Chris loved him anyway. We talked about school and which teachers we hated. We talked about the students we thought were annoying and the students who we thought deserved more attention.

It was nice.

Talking to Chris causally about anything and everything because I could. There was no pressure, no temptations, because we were in public, even if that many people weren't even there. I wondered if Chris appricated this as much as I did. I smiled and looked down. I felt guilty I was barley even watching the game, before I knew it, it was the last quater.

"Was Nate upset that I stole you last night?" I asked looking at Chris. He looked over at me. "Are you kidding? He was dead asleep in my bed with a pile of food by the time I got inside, I had to sleep on the couch" Chris laughed. I smiled and shook my head.

Silence filled the air between us for a moment. It was the first time either one of us mentioned last night. I played with my bracelet and he looked down at my hands.

"Hey Chris?" I asked quietly, but he was already looking at me. I looked up at him. "Do you think what happened last night was wrong?" I asked softly. We just looked at each other. He looked at me like he was searching for an answer within himself, but also looking for mine. He bit his lip ring and looked down.

"I don't want you to think i'm a bad person Chris" I whispered, almost inaudible. "I don't think you're a bad person Y/n" He said back looking down at me. I looked at him, then back down quickly. "I'm sorry if I overstepped" He said. I bit my lip. "That's the problem Chris" I said looking up at him. He looked at me.

"I don't think you overstepped" I said shaking my head. "I wished-" I bit my lip and looked away from him. "I wished you had leaned forward" I whispered so quiet I didn't even know if he had heard me.

But the way his eyes burned into the side of my head, I knew he had. The whistle blew, making both our heads fly up. I stood up quickly and looked for Max on the ice. All of their heads hung low, I knew we had lost and I was barley paying attention.

I looked back down at Chris who's eyes hadn't left me. I shrugged off his jacket before holding it out for him, but his eyes didn't move towards the jacket, no they were locked on mine. "Take the jacket Chris" I whispered looking down at my feet.

He stood up, towering over me. I looked at him as he looked down at me with an unreadable expression. I swallowed. It was as if we were the only to people around, but we weren't. I turned my head and saw Max start to skate off the ice.

"Chris I don't know if I can control myself enough not to lean forward next time" I whispered looking towards him. He just looked at me. "Maybe we should create some distance? For a little while" I whispered. I choked out of my body, forcing myself to say it.

"I don't want to do that to him, I'm sorry" I whispered shaking my head and pushing the jacket into his chest and walking past him and down the bleachers. I didn't turn around to see his face as I walked down off the bleachers. My heart was beating out of my chest.

My head was so clouded I didn't even see where I was walking, I was just walking. I finally blinked when I saw Max. He smiled sadly at me. I felt my heart return to normal. I smiled back and walked up to him and wrapped my arms around his neck pulling him into a much needed hug.

"I'm mad" Max mumbled against me. "I know you are baby" I whispered back before finally letting him go. His hair was wet from sweat. I reached up pushing his hair out of his face. He smiled. "You played amazing" I said even though I didn't watch nearly two minutes of his game. "I didn't and you know that" He said looking down at me. I frowned. He glanced up towards the bleachers.

"Who were you sitting with?" He asked looking back at me. I felt my face flush white. This was the first time Max mentioned Chris to me. I looked back towards the bleachers, Chris was gone. I looked back towards him.

"Just some kid in my class" I shrugged. He just looked at me. I stared back at him, silently begging him not to push it. "Okay well, I have to go talk to coach really quick" He said leaning down and kissing the top of my head. I nodded and smiled up at him. He reached in his pockets and handed me the keys.

"Go wait in the car" He said turning and walking away. I let out a deep breath once he walked away. I couldn't help myself from looking around to my surroundings. How was Chris so good at disappearing? I sighed before walking towards Max's car.

Was I too harsh? I was being honest. I can't control myself around him, how am I ever suppose to be loyal to Max while also being Chris's friend? I can't do both. As much as I want to I can't. I put my hand on my forehead. This was all too much. I didn't know what to do.

"Labraut"

I quickly turned when I heard someone shouting my name. My heart dropped when I realized it was Chris walking up to me. His jacket still in his hands. He did not look happy. I swallowed as he approached me. My mind racing.

"What the fuck does that mean?" He asked as he stopped in front of me. I just looked up at him, while also glancing at the people making their way to their cars. I looked back up at him. "What?" I asked suddendly feeling my face go red.

"What you said. What does that mean?" He asked looking down at me. I couldn't tell if he was angry or genuinely confused at my statement. "I-I-" I tried to say as my eyes turned, searching for Max to walk out of the rink at any moment. "Y/n" He snapped my attention back to him. He glared at me.

"After everything, you just 'don't want to do that to him'?” He asked shaking is head. “You want to 'create distance'?" He asked furrowing his eyebrows at me. I swallowed looking up at him, closing my eyes.

"One minute you're telling me things you've told no one and the next your walking away and leave me thinking I might never see you again" He said shaking his head. I bit my lip and looked down.

"It's not fair. What you're doing-" He said closing his eyes and shaking his head. I just watched him. "I-" He sighed and looked up. "Fuck Y/n, I don't want to lose you" He said looking down at me. "And I-I don't know what you want from me" He said shaking his head.

"You walk away from me apologizing, then the next day you show up at my doorstep" He laughed lightly shaking his head, but nothing was funny.

"Chris you have to understand what position i'm in-" I started to say, but he stopped me. "Oh I understand completely what position you're in" He said hovering over me. I bit my lip and looked down, like a child being lectured by their parent when they know they've done something wrong. It's suffocating. It's deliberating.

"You just want to stay in the one that's the easiest for you" He whispered. I felt tears brim to my eyes. "Chris you know that's not true" I said looking up at him. He just stared down at me with a hurt expression. I turned my head when I heard footsteps and saw Max approaching us with a confused look on his face. I swallowed and looked at Chris.

"Don't act like i'm not the one you don't run to when shit gets bad for you" He said through gritted teeth before turning and walking away. I sighed and looked at the ground. I felt Max walk up to me and put his hand on my back.

"Is everything alright? Why was that kid talking to you?" He asked looking down at me. I swallowed, trying to contain my emotions. "Something about the homework" I lied. He looked off in the direction that Chris walked off in.

"Come on, get in the car. We've got a long drive" He said walking towards the drivers side.

tag list:

@rac00ns-are-c00l4 @miastromboli @secret-sturniolo @sturnsclutter @sturniolodreamz @paper-crab @chrisolivia4l @mwah0mwah @recklesssturniolo @ejswift @kitaysworld @meg-sturniolo @nickmillersn1gf @fr3shl0ve @adrianaturnedpretty @oversturn @ghostgurlswrld @flowerxbunnie @ilytrinsworld @lustfulslxt @kiarastromboli @gemofthenight @blahbel668 @haunted-headset @sturnybabes @bethsturn @d3adlyclassrat @sturnybabes @mattsbitch @chrisluvbot @nickenthusiast @sturniolossmut @biimpanicking @iloveneilperry @chalametbich @dsmja @bernardsleftbootycheek @lovingsturniolo @aoxash @idrkk-123 @gingerbreadgodofhyperdeath @babagurlrichey @d3adlyclassrat @iammattsturniolo @1201pm @urfavstromboli @that-chris-girl01 @lovingsturniolo @aoxash

#sturniolo fanfic #matt sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #sturniolo x reader #nick sturniolo #sturniolo smut #chris sturniolo #sturniolo triplets

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vhagarlovebot · 2 years

Text

FRUSTRATION.

♡. ── gif credit. ; ( aemond targaryen masterlist. )

pairing: prince aemond targaryen x fem!reader

summary: aemond had a terrible day and he puts all his frustration on you.

content warnings: hurt/comfort, wife!reader, aemond says some mean things, mentions of blood, happy ending.

notes: if there are any grammatical errors i apologize, english is not my first language! hope you enjoy.

YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN aemond acting like this before. with you he was always caring and considerate. if he was upset he’d never show it in front of you. that’s why you never believed the words that reached your ears saying that your husband needed to work on his anger, always going off on people.

at least it was that way until now.

he has just entered your chambers, not a single glance in your direction, sitting by the fireplace with a book in hand, and went straight to the vanity by the window.

he starts taking off his gloves and setting aside his dagger. and having missed him all day you leave what you are doing to go help him with his coat. at least he lets you help him before pulling away.

you smile fondly at him, even though he still does not look at you. "how was your day?" leaving the coat on the back of the chair you reach for him, but aemond turns his back to you.

that is a strange behavior but you don't think too much about it, opting instead on busying yourself by pouring tea, which you had just ordered before aemond arrived.

"helaena and i went for a walk through the gardens earlier this evening," he usually asks about your day but he seems just too tired to do more than just stare out the window. "she has expressed how much she misses you, my prince. you should visit her,"

"some of us have actual things to do." he mutters and you feel a pang in your heart at the coldness in his voice.

he looks imposing with his hands behind his back and only the light coming from the candles lightning up his profile.

"i am sure your sister will understand," you smile at him when, for a moment, his piercing gaze falls on you. "if i may say, i think it would be good if you rest for a day or two."

"no, you may not."

aemond finally turns around but you don't feel the comfort and peace your husband usually exudes. he's looking at you with such a harsh look on his face that, for a second, you don't recognize him.

"i have got responsibilities," his eye is eager and darting, nostrils flaring. "had you not married a prince then you would know what that means."

the confused look that crosses your face is not enough to stop him.

"you should try to look beyond the red keep every now and then to know the real meaning of that word."

his words are like a slap in the face, leaving you breathless and unable to compose yourself.

have you done something to upset him? as you turn around you try to think about everything you did and said since this morning when he left to start his day, he was gentle and sweet, even blowing you a kiss before disappearing behind the door. and you did not see each other all day, so this has nothing to do with you.

however, his words hurt the same.

you grab the cup of tea, slowly walking to where he is standing. "i'm sure you are right- but i was princess helaena lady-in-waiting..."

"and you believe that is enough to learn about responsibility? making sure the princess attends the events where she is needed, that all her garments are properly clean. to be careful not to mess up her hair-"

he doesn't finish his sentence because as he turns around, he's meet with your chest. the tea cup falls to the floor, shattering at your feet, and making you yelp a little.

aemond is immediately by your side, his hands touching every inch of your body. "are you good? did you get hurt?" there is regret in his eye and a worried look on his handsome features. only when he's absolutely sure you’re fine, he drops to his knees to try and clean the mess that he just made.

you come back to reality when he's muttering between his teeth, gathering the broken pieces on his hands. "my prince, you don't have to-" he groans, a piece of ceramic cutting his hand. "aemond!" you help him back to his feet, guiding him to a chair in front of the fireplace.

you are quick to fill a bowl with water and bring it with you to where he's waiting, blood dripping from the cut. kneeling between his legs you wet a cloth to start treating the wound, but aemond stops you. he doesn't say anything and you smile shyly at him, resuming your task.

"there are different types of responsibility and maybe some are more important than others, perhaps some of them also require a higher level of commitment," you say absentmindedly, cleaning the wound very carefully and wincing when he hisses.

"you don't need to explain it to me," his free hand caresses your cheek, a sad smile across his lips. "i was out of line."

"you will get no argument from me." that makes him chuckle but the shadow of guilt falls upon his face. "you know i used to take care of my family when my mother died."

"i should have not said those awful things to you, i do not mean them." you barely finished securing the bandage when his hands are immediately picking you up and making you sit on his lap. "i am not excusing myself, but i had a terrible day and instead of just saying that i wanted to be held in your arms, i let out all my frustration on you."

you feel sorry for him, although his words still sting a little. but he is your husband and if marriage is not about learning and forgiving, then why are you with him?

"next time you will sleep in the hall." he holds you close, his hands stroking your back.

"there won't be a next time. or i will feed myself to vhagar."

you giggle, brushing a strand of hair out of his face. "let's just hope there won't be a next time. i'm looking forward to growing old with you, my prince."

#📮 ⌇ my works ˖⋆࿐#aemond targaryen x reader #aemond targaryen imagine #prince aemond x reader #aemond x reader #aemond targaryen angst #aemond targaryen fluff #aemond targaryen scenarios #aemond fic #house of the dragon imagine #hotd fanfic

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ms-cartoon · 23 days

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So, I'm looking at the trailer and hear Stolas say something like this . . .

"This transaction between us . . . i-it's not right anymore. I just want someone to care for."

I'm gonna assume he's talking about the exchange of the grimoire for sex with Blitzo. The deal that HE made in the first place????

Okay, first off- What do you mean, it's not right anymore?? NOT ONCE has it EVER been right! Making someone satisfy your pleasures in exchange for giving them something that's impossible to have and you never intended on giving them in the first place unless it benefits you somehow. That is called EXPLOITATION! Children . . . exploiting someone is NEVER a good thing! No matter how badly you want something to happen, it's never good to make someone do something against their will, and Stolas NEVER considered this! And even if he did, I doubt he would've cared!

Why is he suddenly caring now?

Because this is just another way for Viv to throw another Stolas pity party and she needs some kind of tension between Stolas and Blitzo so that their relationship can feel earned later. I think I have a pretty good feeling on what they're gonna make season two about.

This is gonna turn back into the "Stolitzo show" where we focus on the supposed "romance" between Stolas and Blitzo. How are they gonna go about it? Well, I think what's gonna go down is, instead of Stolas being in the wrong for how he treats Blitzo, they're gonna make the latter the bad guy for how he "treats" Stolas. Because blah blah blah, Blitzo doesn't love Stolas back, blah blah he's not considerate of Stolas's feelings for him, blah blah he's being mean, blah blah, he needs to give Stolas a chance. And at the end of the day, Blitzo is gonna feel all sorry and realize he loves Stolas, he apologizes to Stolas, the two are endgame and they live happily ever after! I'm calling it right now! With the way Stolas said what he said above, he's gonna make it seem like he's trying to reason with Blitzo saying the deal for the book is a bad idea as if HE wasn't the one that called Blitzo that one night and made that deal.

Do Viv or the writers ever THINK before writing these down??

Rhetorical quetion.

Edit (4/29/24) It makes no sense for Stolas to suddenly feel regret for this exchange as well as his feelings for Blitzo because of it. In season 1 he went from "Oh Blitzy! You're so hot! Let's have sex!" to "I'm actually genuinely in love with you Blitzo. Let's not do this anymore. I want to take this seriously." Out of nowhere.

Like-- In episode 6, he was lustful for Blitzo and made out with him by the end of the ep, and then suddenly the next episode, he's feeling all lonely and is innocently having feelings for Blitzo. WHERE DID ALL THAT COME FROM?? There was no ounce of development within those episodes!

#helluva boss criticism #helluva boss critique #helluva boss #helluva boss critical #anti helluva boss #vivziepop critical #critique #anti stolitz #stolitz #anti stolas #stolas is a terrible character and you can't convince me otherwise #Stolitzo is also a terrible ship and you still can't convince me #I'm not looking forward to this coming up season at all #you can fight me on this #but I'm not gonna listen so don't bother lol

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steddieas-shegoes · 1 month

Text

if you want to use me, i could be your puppet

for @subeddieweek day four with the prompt edging

rated e | 2,505 words | please check ao3 for tags

Day one: ao3 | tumblr Day two: ao3 | tumblr Day three: ao3 | tumblr

⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕⭕

Eddie didn’t think this through.

Running from Steve’s bedroom, naked, meant he would have to find a hiding place.

He did not want to have to deal with this right now.

He didn’t need Steve seeing the way Eddie’s feelings would no doubt show on his face, how he’d be quick to brush off Steve’s apology.

How quickly he’d agree to continuing what they’re doing so he had something rather than nothing at all.

The house was quiet, dark, a reminder of how lonely Steve probably was when he wasn’t busy with the kids or Robin or him. No wonder he was always so quick to jump in bed with Eddie; He wanted a warm body to keep him company.

“Eddie! Wait!” Steve’s voice came from the top of the stairs, but Eddie didn’t turn.

Maybe if he locked himself in the downstairs bathroom, Steve would give up and he could sneak out to his van wrapped in a towel or something. He’d done worse.

Unfortunately, Steve was much faster than him, probably due to the whole jock thing. Eddie had no chance.

Steve’s hand burned where it touched Eddie’s arm, trying to make him turn around and face him.

“Please, Eds. Please look at me. Let me-”

“I don’t want you to explain, Steve.” Eddie turned to him, suddenly angry. How dare he ruin what they were doing? How dare he take something that was so precious and send it careening off the road so quickly? “I want to pretend it never happened. I want to go back to letting you touch me and kiss me and hurt me just right. I want to know you don’t mean it.”

“Why?” Steve sounded angry. “Why would you want that? Is it that bad? What is it about me loving someone that makes them wanna run in any other fucking direction than to me?”

And Eddie wasn’t really prepared for that.

He didn’t really know exactly what happened with Nancy or any of the other girls Steve had been with in high school. He didn’t really know much about any of his casual hookups. He just knew that Steve gave so much to anyone he cared about, and many people took more than was fair of him to give.

“Why can’t I love you, Eddie?”

Eddie looked at Steve, really looked at him.

His eyes were watery, red-rimmed as if he was doing everything he could to resist letting the tears fall. Eddie could see his flush cheeks, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he tried to hold back a sob. His hands shook.

Eddie recognized this for what it actually was. Sure it was emotion, and maybe Steve felt it was genuine emotional turmoil.

But it was also the start of a panic attack, one that would quickly escalate to something Eddie wasn’t sure he could help Steve through.

“Steve, hey-”

“Don’t fuckin’ pacify me, man.” Steve’s breathing picked up and Eddie had to shut this down. “I can be upset.”

“Yes, you absolutely can. I’m not gonna tell you how to feel, but you definitely need to breathe, nice and slow.” Eddie put his hand on Steve’s bare chest, forgetting for a moment that they were both still naked, both still sweaty and sticky from everything they did in Steve’s bed.

“I am breathing.”

“You’re panting. You need to sit down.”

“I’m not sitting down-”

“Red.”

Steve froze.

Eddie immediately regretted saying it, hated that he was using this in a situation outside of their agreement.

He just needed Steve to stop and take care of himself for a second.

“That’s not fair,” Steve’s voice was shaky, unsure. He’d never heard it like that, not even when they first started this, not when they discussed the difficult things.

“It may not be fair, but neither is what you said.” Eddie looked behind him at the couch, the same couch Steve had held his hand while they talked about what they’d be into trying together. “Can we sit?”

“I dunno, are you gonna run again?” Steve crossed his arms over his chest, which would be a hilarious image any other time, but was currently just really sad.

“No. I’m not gonna leave.”

“Yet.”

“Yet,” Eddie agreed.

They both sat down on the couch, shifting until there was enough distance not to touch, facing each other.

Steve threw the blanket over their laps to at least make an attempt at being serious.

“I’m sorry I said it like that.” Steve sighed as he put his head back against the couch. At least he seemed to be holding himself together better now. Maybe Eddie could have a turn at a breakdown. “I shouldn’t have said it when we were still…”

“You shouldn’t have said it at all, Steve.” Eddie watched as Steve ground his teeth together. “I know you may think that’s what you’re feeling, but you were on a sex high.”

“I can see why you’d think that,” Steve sounded like he was doing his best to stay calm. “That’s why I shouldn’t have said it then. But I did mean it. That hasn’t changed and it won’t change.”

“Steve, be serious.”

“I am! I need you to be serious! I love you. I’ve loved you for long enough to know that’s what it is.” Steve turned his head and gave him a sad smile. “I know it wasn’t supposed to happen, and I know you don’t feel the same, but I’m glad I said it, even if it wasn’t how I planned to.”

Eddie had to remind himself to breathe as Steve’s words sank into his brain, consumed his chest and stomach, made the nerves in his body spark with a combination of hope and fear.

“How long?” Eddie squeaked out.

“You remember that night when we talked about our limits?” Steve grinned.

“That was…so long ago. What the hell?” Eddie slapped Steve’s knee, but didn’t pull it away fast enough. Steve’s hand grabbed his. “We’ve been around each other almost every day since then.”

“And I thought about it every day,” Steve admitted. “I was gonna ask you on a date first and make it a big romantic thing. I had a plan.”

“Steve, I-” Eddie shook his head. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to say these things to me to keep me around. I mean, it’s not like anyone’s lining up at my door. I wouldn’t trust anyone the way I trust you with all this. I kinda figured you’d be the one to call it off soon.”

Steve moved the blanket for a moment, tugged Eddie into his lap, and tilted his head to the side.

“I’m not going anywhere, Eds. You’ve got me and I’ve got you.”

How did he do that? How did he sound so sincere, so charming, after such an emotional admission?

“You’ve got me?”

“I’ve got you,” Steve surged forward, lips crashing against Eddie’s as his hands left bruises on his hips.

Eddie would be an idiot to let him go.

He would have to trust that Steve meant it, and he’d have to trust that his heart would be safe in Steve’s hands.

He already trusted him with everything else.

The blanket that had barely been around his waist slipped, half pooling on the couch next to them and half falling to the floor.

Steve pulled away, breathless.

“Will you?” He asked.

Eddie had no idea what he was actually asking. “Will I…?”

“Go on a date with me.”

“Yeah, Stevie. I’ll go on a date with you. You’re buying, though,” Eddie winked.

“Of course,” Steve nodded, leaning up to peck him on the lips. “I was thinking about a road trip. Heard there’s a new record shop opening in Bloomington if you wanted to check it out.”

“Fuck, you really do love me, don’t you? You know I could spend hours in there, right?” Eddie’s heart couldn’t handle the soft look in Steve’s eyes.

“Yeah, I’ll bring a cooler with drinks and snacks. It’ll be fun,” Steve shrugged.

Eddie inched back the tiniest bit and was suddenly reminded that they were very naked. And Steve was getting hard again.

“You know…this house is kinda quiet. Maybe we could…”

“Oh, you wanna be loud?” Steve raised his brow. “Hm. I guess I should give you a reason to be.”

The tone was different, not quite his usual teasing demand, but something that left Eddie wanting.

“Please. God, Steve, I need it, need you,” Eddie had no idea where this begging came from, or why he suddenly felt like he would die without Steve’s hands on him.

“I know what you need, baby,” Steve kissed his jaw, soft for what Eddie knew was coming. “But I need you to tell me your color first.”

“Green, so green.”

“Hey.” There was the demanding tone. “Look at me.”

Eddie had no choice but to look.

“I need you to think about it. Don’t think about how desperate you are. Are you okay with everything we talked about? Are you okay with me loving you?”

Eddie thought about it. Was he actually okay with their short conversation, the feelings Steve admitted to, what that would mean going forward for them? Or was he desperate in more ways than one?

No, no he definitely was okay with this. He’d been so worried that his feelings would never be returned, that he’d be in an endless loop of unrequited love, that he’d do what Steve did and let it slip while he was in space.

Having the guy he loved love him back was a best case scenario for him.

“Green.”

Steve’s lips were back on his, hungry, rough, almost more than Eddie was prepared for, but it wasn’t unwelcome. He sunk into the feeling, let himself drift into Steve physically so he could carry him away mentally.

“Wanna get my fingers in you. Think you can handle just spit?” Steve said as he nipped at Eddie’s neck, leaving red, leaving teeth marks. Eddie wished they could be permanent. Maybe he’d get them tattooed.

“Mhm, please,” Eddie nodded, ignoring the tiny part of his brain that was telling him to be responsible and get the lube. He’d be sore if they didn’t.

The louder part of his brain didn’t care about that, wanted to be sore. He could feel good now and deal with the limp tomorrow.

Steve’s fingers ghosted over Eddie’s lips, pressing down until his mouth opened. He sucked them in, three of them, moaning around them as he made sure they were slick enough to get inside with little resistance.

They were both impatient.

Steve pulled his fingers from Eddie’s mouth only a few seconds later, gently patting his cheek with his other hand when he whined at the loss.

“You’ll have me inside you again, baby.”

Steve didn’t waste another second.

His wet fingers rubbed against Eddie’s entrance, fingertips teasing along his rim and just barely pushing inside one at a time.

It was too much, not nearly enough, and almost exactly what Eddie needed all at once.

He was so close already, teetering on the edge of coming without a hand on him or fingers actually inside him, and it would probably be embarrassing if Eddie could think about a single thing that wasn’t the way heat was pooling in his stomach and chest.

“Close,” Eddie whimpered, bucking up against nothing as if that was even necessary.

Steve’s hands were gone. Just like that. No warning at all.

Eddie whimpered again, reaching his hands out to touch, to beg, to do whatever would get Steve’s hands back on him and finish the job he started.

“No, baby,” Steve said, shaking his head. “Not yet.”

And so it went.

Steve got a finger inside him, barely thrusting it in and out before removing it completely when Eddie would start rocking back into the touch.

Then there were two fingers, and Eddie could just barely feel the pressure against his prostate, begging for more or less or something that would be different from the current hanging by a thread he was doing.

He could feel himself drifting, knew he was mentally checking out from what was happening, but he could still hear Steve’s rough voice soothing him, guiding him.

Three fingers pressed inside him, slower than before, stretching him in a way he never could himself.

He felt full, used.

“Color, sweet boy,” Steve said from somewhere in front of him. Eddie was having trouble centering himself, couldn’t quite figure out where he was physically even though he knew he was with Steve.

The fingers inside him stilled, not working him open further or pushing and pulling until Eddie was naturally rocking back and forth.

Steve needed an answer. Eddie had to give him one.

“Green.”

“Good boy,” Steve praised.

Eddie pretended that didn’t make his heart flip-flop in his chest, but something must have given him away anyway. Steve was grinning at him knowingly, though he didn’t say anything.

“You’re gonna come when I tell you, right? Not a second earlier than that.”

At this point, Eddie was pretty sure Steve was in complete control of his body. He was simply the puppet on Steve’s strings.

“Answer me, Eddie.” Steve pushed against his prostate, making his body shiver and cock twitch.

“Only when you say,” Eddie gasped out, lifting his hips to pull away from the overstimulation, but immediately falling back down when he missed it. “Wanna be good for you.”

Steve groaned, and his fingers pushed in and out of Eddie faster.

He wanted to be good, but he was only human.

“St-” Eddie moaned. “-eve. Can’t-”

“‘S okay, baby. You can come now.”

And Eddie did.

Just like that.

The relief of finally being able to unclench his thighs, to actually feel the last string tethering him to earth snap as his release painted Steve’s stomach.

His fingers slowed, but didn’t leave him, keeping him stretched as he clenched around them during the waves of pleasure still wringing through him. He felt like he’d never stop feeling this deep pulsing, had to try to open his eyes to see if he was still coming somehow.

Steve was murmuring something against his hair.

When had he even fallen against Steve’s chest, face buried in his neck?

How long had he been just whimpering against him like a dog in heat?

“...So good for me, sweet boy. So proud of you for waiting for permission.”

Oh.

Praise like that wasn’t exactly a new part of their aftercare, but it was rare that Steve said it more than once or twice, usually just holding him in his arms in silence while Eddie came back down from the clouds.

He’d think about that later.

For now, he let his body relax, the noises stop, and his breathing slow.

He could sleep in Steve’s arms, feel the love pouring from his words and fingertips, and plant his feet on the ground in the morning.

Day five: ao3 | tumblr

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #sub eddie week #sub eddie munson #dom steve harrington

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sardonic-the-writer · 8 months

Text

𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐀 𝐅𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐢

↳ summary: another day with the turtles in which you get dragged behind and have your worst fear materialize in front of you. or; a reader insert of season two episode ten, fungus humongous

↳ warnings: unreality, body horror, mentions of gore, reader is a bitch, reader can't express their feelings, 2012 april (that's a warning in itself)

↳ notes: hinted at the reader having a thing for donnie, but it's left up to interpretation. could be read as platonic or for any other turtle/character. also i kind of hate this verson of april from the show, so apologies. i made the reader a bit passive aggressive to her when i could sneak it in there. could just be viewed at jealousy for donnie liking her. also, reader is gn and hinted at being autistic

↳ song: never—mag.lo & o super

next part! | masterlist! | commisions! | carrd

New York City was a strange place.

You'd learned that from a young age. Instead of watching a mother skip down the sidewalk with her chubby cheeked child in hand, you'd grown up around men with the same faces filing down side walks and inside of vans. Arms filled to the bring with glowing canisters and talking in the third person. Sometimes, in the place of cute stray cats or pigeons that you'd scramble off to feed bread to at the park, you'd see montserous shadows. Humans with the bodies of animals, making noises that would bring you to have nightmares for weeks to come.

Adults never believed you, writing it off as an imaginary friend, or simply the smoke in the air getting to you. And why should they belive anything else? It was as bizarre as it sounded, even to you.

Still, with all this weirdness, there were somethings you'd never get over. Like the fact those men that used to terrify you were actually robot powered aliens. Or that your best friends lived in the sewers, taught ancient ninjistu by their rat sensei.

But more importantly, you'd never get over how Casey Jones was absolutely demolishing this gyro right now.

With black and white facepaint smuged all over your friends cheeks and nose, you had the pleasure of sitting on the arm of a wooden street bench, watching with a blank expression as one of your two human friends tore into the street food, getting a bit of meat on April's shirt. Who by now had begun to regret sitting so close to him.

"You know Jones, I think this is the most disturbing thing I've seen all week." You grimaced. The hockey player had now moved onto licking the juice off his fingers, something you mimed violently vomiting at. April just rolled her eyes as she continued to listen to music.

"Ouch man!" Casey smirked as he pretended to be hurt by your words, crumbling up the left over paper from his meal and haphazardly tossing it on the ground below him.

"There's literally a trashcan right next to us." April sighed and looked up from her phone shaped like a turtles shell; or t-phone as you had come to know it. So generously gifted to her by the one and only Donatello.

You looked over to where she had gestured, holding one hand up to block the afternoons sun as it beat down upon you all. Sure enough, there was a rusty little bucket not far from the bench all of you had taken refuge on. Posters of all sorts of faded colors and advertisements were plastered on the cylinders sides. More lay fluttering in the hot wind on the pavement.

With a groan screaming of false annoyance, Casey stood up and meandered over to the litter, eventually tossing it with a swoosh into the basket.

"He shoots and he scores! Ten points for Jones." He pumped his fist in the air triumphantly, not caring that passerbys were now staring. Both you and April were subjected to an extremely bad victory dance as he celebrated.

"Now only if you could do that on the actual ice, Case." You grinned slyly. Casey frowned back at you, abruptly stopping his little celebration.

"I told you to stop calling me that. And whatever. Like you'd know the first thing about hockey." He said sourly. "Maybe if Red here gave me a good luck kiss before my games, I'd score more goals."

"And that's our cue to go." April stood up with a huff, pocketing her odd shaped phone. You stood up not far behind her, adjusting the strings on your hoodie. You knew April wasn't actually that upset by Casey's comment, in fact sometimes you thought she rather enjoyed the extra attention, but anything to stop his incessant flirting was a win for you.

"How about we head on down to the lair?" You suggested, noticing that the three of you were already making your way over to the nearest secluded manhole. "It has been a while since I've visited."

"Don't remind me." April smiled as she struggled to lift the solid peice of metal separating New York from its sewer sytem. "Mikey asks me where you are everytime I come down. He's even started pestering me for your address at this point."

"As much as I love the guys, I'm not sure my heart could take it if they started showing up on my fire escape every night. I don't need any more visits from Dr. Prankenstien than I already get." You snickered, following after Casey as he dropped down the ladder. He nodded along with your statement, holding his gloved hand out for a fistbump which you happily returned, albeit with a bit more force than necessary.

"Ooh, was that a challenge I just felt?" He grinned misheviously.

"Come on you guys." April scoffed, rolling her eyes at how both you and Casey punched each other in the arms and snickered.

"Just because you don't know how to have fun Red, doesn't mean we cant." Casey slung an arm around your shoulders with a toothy grin, yelping seconds later as you shoved him off of you with a frown.

"Right. Fun. That's exactly what I think of when I think Casey Jones April O'Neal and a stinky sewer." You parried.

"Hey! I thought you were on my side!" Casey frowned, jumping back up and rubbing the place you'd pushed him sorely. You stuck your tongue out at him and responded that he should know better than to touch you, then.

"Lay off guys." April chided you, missing the way your lips downturned at her words. "Besides. It's not like this place stinks that bad. You just have to get used to it."

You sniffed the air for a moment, immediately recoiling in disgust. Yeah. Definitely not.

"Sick dude."

"Actually," April halted in her speed walking to let the two of you catch up to her. As soon as you reached her side, you noticed the redhead was pinching her nose with a confused expression.

"Something does smell weird. Like— moldy cheese and puke."

You would've responded to her, probably with some sort of quipy comment, but the shrill sounds of a scream stopped you.

It didn't take long for the source of it to pass by you, what looked to be a sewer worker blubbering nonsense about a giant squirell. You were quickly reminded of a day a few months ago in which a mutated squirell clawed itself into your stoumach and reproduced. You shut down that memory with a shiver, jogging after an equally as panicked Casey and April to catch the stranger.

It only took a few turns around the place before all of you stood to a hault in a more open tunnel, no longer hearing the deep thump of the guys boots as he ran away from an unidentified source.

"Should we call out for him." You whispered, not really liking yourself for suggesting such a thing.

"Yeah. Go ahead Casey." April whispered right back, shoving the boy forward and shushing his protests. With a huff he started forward into the wet cavern.

"Hello? Crazy dude?" He sang. After looking around a tunnel opening for a few moments, Casey turned back to the two of you, gesturing harshly to follow him. You begrudgingly stepped forward, refusing to be at the end of the group where something could sneak up behind you. That privilege would have to be left to April.

"Somethings not right." She murmered. You turned to supply her with a sarcastic 'no, really?' but instead paused as she was sprayed in the face with a yellow substance. Blinking, you watched as she coughed in the powdery looking material. Another blink, and wherever it had came from was gone.

"April? You alright? What'd you see?" A hand was placed on her shoulder now. You felt the presence of Casey next to you now. Both of you were now watching as she began to shake, and you were staring to think that the scared worker might have actually seen something.

April's eyes opened suddenly, snapping to your face ferociously. You got one good look at her eyes, the whites of them tinged with yellow and red veins, before she let out the louded scream you'd ever heard. With a sudden speed you had no idea that she even had, April clawed at your hand wildly. You yelped, bringing it to your chest and scrambling back. Casey looked at you with wide eyes before turning back to April, catching the back of her just as she began to sprint away.

"April? April!!" He yelled, not making a move to chase after her. You did no such thing either, cradling your hand to your chest in shock. You didn't notice the little bit of blood trickling down from the moon shaped scratches. It stained your shirt, fading into a rust type color.

The two of you looked at each other in shock before speaking.

"What the fuck?"

Your lungs were screaming at you to stop by the time you'd reached the lair. You and Casey had both almost taken several breaks on your run along the abandoned railroad tracks, but once either of you got a look at your now less bloody hand— curtousy of a makeshift towel you called your shirt —the running would start again.

You thanked whatever god lied above for turnstiles as you flopped onto the cool metal of one, not even caring that Casey had to jump over both you and it to reach sight of the turtles. Who, from the sounds of it, we're watching a very loud episode of that old anime again.

"Oh hey guys. What's up?"

Before Casey could even open his mouth to respond to Raphael, a blur of orange and green was pouncing on you.

From his place sitting on your chest, Mikey yelled your name and smiled, clearly very happy to see you.

"Where have you been dude!" He laughed, getting off of you. Instead of allowing you to stand up or even explain yourself, he was suddenly grabbing you by your shoulders and bringing you into a spinning hug. Any other time you would have yelled at him to let you down and stop touching you, but now you were just yelling at him to shut up.

"Hey! You're here!" You heard Donatello call from afar, most likely waving. Maybe you did need to start visiting more if this is how they reacted to not seeing you for a month. Then again, anytime you came down here bad things happened. Like crushing hugs from a very strong mutant. Or best friends going insane.

"Guys! Stop!" Casey wheezed while waving his arms around wildly, succeeding in getting their attention. In turn Mikey let you down. Much to the appreciation of both you and your throbbing hand.

"April— sewers— gone crazy! Hurry!" He puffed, bending over to rest his hands on his knees.

The brothers all looked at each other with cocked eyebrows— save for Mikey; who was just now noticing the source of your discomfort.

"Woah, hey hey hey what happened to you?" He gasped with an overdramatic flair, picking your arm up by your wrist and pouting at the now dry blood on your hand. You smacked his own hand away from you, only feeling a bit regretful when he flashed a pair of sad puppy dog eyes at you.

"That's what we've been trying to tell you!" Casey groaned, extreamly annoyed at this point. "April attacked them! She went crazy! We were just on our way here, and next thing I know she starts acting all weird and runs off! She's gone!"

"Don't phrase it like that Case. Now Donnie's gonna—"

"You just lost April!?" You watched as the popcorn Donnie had been holding flew everywhere with the effort of him standing up. Well, standing up was a bit of an understatement. More like lept up.

With a sigh you watched Casey pale slightly, holding his hands up in preparation to defend the both of you.

"Relax!" Mikey sticks his tounge out at Donatello from next to you, still making grabby hands at you despite your efforts to keep him away. "I'm sure there's a logical explanation! Like she was eaten by a giant sewer snake or something. That's what you probably got bit by too." He turns to you at the last part and smiles. You resist the urge to smack him on the head.

"April clawed me you doofus. I didn't get bitten by a snake."

No sooner than the words were out of your mouth, you witnessed Casey get absolutely steamrolled by Donnie, yelling about how everyone needs to go find April. The action put a bit of a grimace on your face. Why, you had no idea, but you found yourself following after him anyway, grumbling that you better get free pizza for life after all you put up with for them.

Water splashed around your now ruined shoes as you followed after the turtles, occasionally kicking at a stray rock.

The sewers were much darker than earlier now. The dim light was no doubt provided by the setting sun outside. It was surely getting late now, and your body ached with the pang of hunger you normally got around dinner time. It would've bothered you, but you were more focused on not tripping over concrete and landing face first in shit right now.

You came to a sudden stop behind Casey, faintly recognizing your surroundings. One of his hockey sticks poked you in the forehead as he turned to adress everyone, and you rubbed at the spot.

"I think this is where we lost her." His voice was punctured with a little stammer, clearly a lot more bothered than he let on. A quick glance up confirmed that this was the spot the three of you had climbed down from a bit ago. You couldn't help but imagine the people on the streets above. Walking around without a care in the world. Certainly not thinking about kids loose down in the sewage.

"You think!? Oh well thats not vauge or anything." Donatello's angry voice called from behind you. It was enough to make you jump, something you'd deny if pointed out.

"Back of stick-master!" Casey snapped.

"Who you calling stick-master, puck-head!"

"Shut up Donnie." Any other day, and their bickering would have amused you. But right now just wasn't the time— if the look on your face wasn't evident enough.

The purple clad turtle turned to look at you in slight confusion, not expecting backlash from anyone that wasn't Casey. The others shared his look, too. At least before Casey let out a smug laugh, crossing his arms and stancing up before Donnie.

"You too, Jones. We need to get moving." You glared at the both of them icily, shouldering forward without a care. You missed the way the turtles exchanged glances with each other behind your back as they followed after.

"You alright?" Leo had called your name, water rippling around the both of you as he sped up to touch your shoulder tentivley. It wasn't a surprise when you shrugged it off. You always did that.

"Yes, Leo. I'm fine. I'd just like to find April and get a bandaid before I need another tetanus shot. Or whatever bacteria comes with human fingernails."

"She really did that to you, huh?" He pursed his lips with thought. Or whatever turtles have in replacement of lips.

You looked back at him, a harsh response sitting on your tounge. It was only the curious look he gave you that stopped it from becoming a reality.

"Yeah. It's whatever, I'll just patch it up when this is all done." You sighed through your nose.

"I think Master Splinter might have some bandages somewhere." Leo supplied, a hand on his chin as he thought about it. "If not, I'm sure Donnie has some medical supplies laying around—"

"If it's fine with you guys, I think I'll just go home and do it myself. Yeah?" You turned, walking in an awkward sideways position to keep the conversation going while looking at him.

Leo's furrowed his brow, flitting his eyes around your face in favor of ignoring Mikey from behind, who was saying something about rats while Casey retched.

"It's nothing against you, I just—"

You stopped suddenly, attention drawing itself to something over Leo's shoulder.

He turned his head quickly, hand twitching in the direction of his katanas hilts as he looked for what you were eyeing. All he saw was Casey stumbling around, coughing while waving a hand in front of his face.

You brushed past Leo, making your way to the back of the group to approach Casey. To quote April from earlier, something didn't feel right.

"Dude? You ok?"

"Yeah." He sniffed loudly. Like he had a cold. You watched cautiously as he avoided looking at you, instead focused on a nearby tunnel that split off from the main one you all were standing in. "I just. Just thought I saw—"

You were sent backward with an omph as Casey jumped back, yelping like a wounded dog. Your eyes locked with his for one moment, and your own widened as you noticed the same yellowy-red veins as before. Only this time, they were in the edges of Casey's eyes. Not April's.

"Demon rat!" He yelled. Hockey gloves pawed for purchase against the concrete wall he had pressed himself against as Casey scrambled to get a hold of something. He looked crazed. As if he could see and hear something you all couldn't.

It only worsened. You watched in a combination of confusion and horror as he began to dance around, hitting at himself like he had just walked through the world's biggest cobweb; screaming at you all to get them off him.

With a nod of affirmation from Leonardo, Donnie and Raph slammed Casey into the wall opposite he had just been clinging to. You caught a bit of satisfaction on Donatello's face as he did so, something that made you sober up for a moment to roll your eyes.

"What is your malfunction?" Raph scoffed before letting Casey's left arm go. Donnie followed, backing up with his hands on his hips sourly.

All Casey could do was let out a sob. He dropped to his knees on the ground, unscathed hockey stick clattering next to him.

"Guys, I think I have an idea of what's going on." One more look at Casey's distraught gaze sold it for you, and you leaned over to tell the others.

Right as they turned to you, a shrill screamed pierced the air, setting itself apart from Casey's defeated moaning.

"That's her!" You heard Donatello gasp. "April!"

And then Donnie was off, sprinting in the nearest direction of the sound without a care. It was like everything else was background noise to him. Your eye twitched as everyone else filed after the tall turtle, not once stopping to take in anything else. You grit your teeth, looking down at Casey's slumped figure before deciding to follow after them, cursing silently under your labored breathing.

By the time you'd caught up with them, they were all surrounding the newly found April in a semi circle, with Donnie crouching down to gently touch her leg. You could hear words of comfort floating from him to her at a rapid rate, and you might have said something snappy under different circumstances.

"Do you guys hear that?" Leo's hand came up for a moment to silence everyone. The remaining turtles standing all turned to look behind them and were met with the sight of you.

"Just me guys. No monster." You sarcastically spread your arms out.

"No. That!" Leo's finger pointed to something below you, and you turned on your heel to observe.

There was a strange blue sphere on the ground at your feet. It bumped into you once before stilling and flattening to the ground. Strange white stripes patterned it, and you all watched as it transformed into a mushroom looking shape.

You were quick to fall back towards April, who was still screaming and grunting in horror, as the others surrounded it curiously.

"It's a mutant mushroom! With feet!" Mikey cooed, clasping his hands together. That only solidified your worries.

"I'd get away from that if I were you!" You called out. Donnie, Leo, and Raph all looked at you for an explanation while Mikey continued to gush over the thing.

"Listen, something weird is going on with April and Casey's eyes, and I think it has something to do with, like, spores—"

You were shut down as the small glowing mushroom attacked Mikey, attaching itself to his face. The youngest turtle screamed and clawed at his face whilst running in circles. His sounds of distress only increased as the organism appeared to suck at his face. For a moment your brain made the connection between Mikey jumping on you earlier, and the fungi gluing itself to his head. You blinked and got rid of that thought as soon as possible.

The boys immediately jumped into action, weapons coming out as soon as Mikey threw the thing off his face and at the nearest wall. It was times like these you really wished you'd taken up Splinters offer to learn martial arts, but you'd convinced yourself you already had too much on your plate for that. At least you knew how to wield a tazer well enough.

"Fascinating!" You heard Donatello grunt inbetween swings of his bo staff. "Evolved fungi!"

All it took was a few more jabs from Raph before a yellow haze drifted his way, emerging from the flaps underneath the mushrooms umbrella.

Without missing so much as a beat, the thing rose into the air and flew in your direction, looking as if to make a home on your face now. With a quick unholstering of the only defense mechanism you had, you produced your cheap tazer, nailing the thing straight between the eyes. Er, did it even have eyes. Either way, it dropped to the floor, and the air began to smell less like piss and more like sautéed shrooms.

"Just stab the damn thing next time!" You yelled, hands shaking and still holding out the tazer at arms length. All the turtles but Raph looked at your trembling arms with wide eyes, and you crossed your arms stiffly to cover it up. They didn't need to see how upset you were getting right now.

You would never understand why they all went for blunt force trauma instead of using the edges of their weapons to slice stuff. Maybe it was a ninja thing. A really, really stupid ninja thing.

"Are you alright?" Leo stepped forward with his arm outreached, voice soft with what you hoped to god was not pity. Donnie followed suit, and for a moment you though he might be the slightest bit worried about you. At least, until he brushed right past your shoulder to go cradle April again.

"Just peachy Leonardo." You growled at him, and he retracted at the use of his full name. "It's not like I've been trying to explain what I think has been going on for the past— oh come on."

You were immediately cut off as Raph began to scream at the sight of you all. With each passing second, the urge to bash your head into the wall was getting stronger and stronger. Now you remember why you stopped coming down here so often— if this tension headache you were getting was proof enough for that.

With a few more unintelligible shouts, Raph jumped at Leo with a battle cry, looking like he was out for blood. Leo simply crouched down, letting Raph fly over him and land plastron first on the ground.

"Donnie, explination?" Mikey shouted. He was now brandishing his own nunchucks and swirling them around hesitantly.

"Wish is knew!"

"I smashed you once roach and I'll smash you again!" By now Raphael was up again. This time he was ready to attack with more than just his bare fists, and was gunning right for Leo.

"Roach?"

That clicked it all into place for you. With one more look around the tunnel, sounds of fighting echoing off the walls, you cupped your hands around your mouth.

"The mushrooms are spreading a fear toxin!" You shouted with the risk of losing your voice th next day. If you even stuck around long enough to see the next day.

"Thats why everyones eyes are turning different colors and they're acting so weird! The plants are making them see their worst fears!" This time you thought you might explode if the turtles didn't hear you. Thankfully, you watched as a bit of recognition creeped into Donatello's face at your words as he dodged another attack from Raph.

"Its fungi, not plants, but they're right!" He yelled over all the noise. With a yell, he caught one end of Mikeys nunchucks in his hand and wrapped it around Raph's torso, watching as Mikey did the same with his end. By the time they were done, Raphael was now a squirming mess on the ground, looking just as terrified as Casey and April did. Only he was more dangerous than them. A lot more dangerous.

"So what, you're telling me that that tiny little guy is causing all of this?" Leonardo huffed while standing to his full height. Mikey was the sole one restraining Raph now as you approached them all.

"That's what I've been trying to say for the past ten minutes when you keep inturrupting me!!" You seethed. Leo was the only one who had the chance to look sympathetic. That didn't stop you from hitting him on the top of his shell in frustration.

"Ow! We're sorry, we're sorry!" He winced.

"Good." You sighed, already starting to feel a little better about this situation. The hollow feeling of behind over looked still lingered, but you were focused on other more important things now. Like finding out how to counteract whatevers being sprayed around.

"Donnie, do you think if we got back to your lab you could test this for a solution?" You didn't even have to turn around to know that he was busy fawning over April, instead just amplifying your voice so he was sure to hear.

"Maybe—" He mused, bringing his hand up to rub at his chin thoughtfully. You'd been in his lab enough times to know what he was about to go off on a tangent, "—but it's more likely that there's an easier solution to this problem. Fungi normally spawn from a bigger sorce, and since there seems to be a cluster around here infecting our friends, there must be the orgins of it nearby."

"So we find it, and do some gardening." Leo smiled from beside you, bringing out his blades in a gaudy move. You just gave him a blank stare.

"What? It was a good line!"

"You need to work on your improv skills, Leo."

He sighed and lowered his weapons. Cocking one side of his hip up in the way that he does when he goes into leader mode, Leonardo went to say something else to you—probably that you all should get a move on—when a flash of neon blue entered your peripheral.

"Oh shit!"

A mouthful of nasty tasting yellow dust spread all over the bottom half of your face in a fine mist. It settled on your tongue, feeling like partials of a cotton ball had been sprinkled on it. Coughing, you stuttered in your stance to heave forward. This felt different than what you thought it would be like. You didn't think that the ground was supposed to be swirling like that.

The last thing you saw before the world flipped on it's axis was a bo staff cutting the mushroom above you in two.

You woke up with your head feeling like someone had used it as a drum in a marching band.

"Did any of you get the number of that bus that completely fucked me over?" You groaned out sardonically, not willing to open your eyes and subject yourself to the light of the world just yet.

When no one responded, you reluctantly pried your eyelids open.

You were in a different tunnel now. It looked like it belonged to the same one connecting your friends lair to anywhere else in the city, but what did you know. It wasn't like you knew anyone who lived down here or anything.

Hauling yourself up took more strength than you wanted to admit. Half of your face felt numb, and the other hald itched something awful. The sensation was killing you almost as much as this silence was. Almost.

Standing all but a few meters away from you were six figures. They looked to be your friends, but something was off. They were all motionless with their backs faced to you, and covered in a thick layer of what looked like black goo. It dripped off of them and to the ground, pooling between their feet and leaking in your direction.

"Guys?"

As soon as you take a step in their direction, all their heads snap toward you at an unnatural angle. You half expect a cracking of bones to follow the movement, but all you hear is the sound of your heart drop.

"What's going on." This time you take a step back, not forward.

It's at this point that you notice your surrounding changing. It never stays the same for more than a second, constantly twisting into something more frightening than the last; all plucked from your worst memories. The kraang cell you had been thrown in once. The pool you had been forced to take swimming lessons in as a child. Your eigth grade classroom, watching as your teacher explained to your parent that you'd never amount to anything.

Finally it settled on the lair.

You refused to be backed into a corner like all those horror flicks you'd seen with the boys. With each step the figures of your friends took, you took one back, shuffling around in circles to avoid getting trapped.

You were starting to get lightheaded with how fast you were breathing at this point.

"What?" You eventually murmered, your pupils pinpricks at this point. Your ears strained to pick up what sounded like words in response.

"Leave." Was what you eventually heard come from the clone of Raphael. Because that's what he was. A clone. Not the real thing. He couldn't be. The Raph you know wouldn't tell you to leave.

The more you thought about it, the less true that seemed.

"Leave?" You echoed. The back of your foot hit one of the arcade machines lying around before you scrambled to get around it.

"We don't need you anymore." This time your eyes snapped to the clone of Mikey. His eyes were nothing but static in that eerie black goo. You couldn't bring yourself to look at it for more than a second.

"I don't understand." Words were becoming harder and harder to pronounce. You tripped over them as your footsteps slowed.

"They never valued you. Even as a human, I could see that." The verson of Casey hissed through his distorted mask. It looked more like an actual skull than the crude spray painted verson you had grown so accustomed to.

"Why did you think we'd ever like you, when you've never even tried to like us." Leo was the second closest to you and approaching slowly. His speed should have reassured you, but something about the unrelenting and unchanging pace only made you want to hurl.

"I do like you guys!" Instead of a fierce cry coming from your throat, it was a pathetic whine. A round of hissing laughter passed through the ranks of your friends. Wait, your fake friends. These weren't the real ones. You knew that. You felt like you were supposed to know that.

"Pathetic." April's voice sounded like it came from a scratched record. Her teeth sharpened with each syllable. "I was here first. And I'll be here long after you."

"Shut up!" It was your turn to yell. You didn't mean for it to be so loud, you really didn't, but the words tore itself from you like a scream. You didn't scream. You really didn't. Not in front of other people. Not like this.

Your feet had stopped moving now. They felt like lead. Incapable of moving any further without the force of a hundered men. When you looked down, you discovered they were ensnared in metal cuffs that tightened the more you hyperventilated. Twelve chains lead away from them. You followed each with your eyes, eventually finding yourself staring right back at the soupy expanse of your six former friends. Twelve chains. Two for each of them. One in each hand.

You were brought to the floor and dragged forward. Your pants tore against the floor, leaving what was sure to be a plethora of holes if you were to check.

Fingernails broke off and bled as you desperately tried to clawed away. You reached at the hem of your pants to look for your tazer, only to come up holding a ripped picture.

It was the one you had taken of everyone after defeating the kraang. It had been a celebration. A time to bathe and relax in the fact that you all had won. Everyone had smiled as you set the five second timer on your phone, Mikey even sticking a pair of bunny ears over Raphs head without him noticing.

You looked at the spot where you were supposed to be, only met with the sight of a cut out hole.

"Out of all the delusions that have run through your head—" You looked up at the only one that had yet to speak yet. Donatello's gap toothed grin sneered down at you from your spot on the floor, your mouth drying at the mere sight of it.

"From us actually caring about you—" The chains around your legs were only spreading higher along your body now, growing past your hips.

"To thinking that we actually cared when you'd visit again—"

Donatello crouched down. The black ooze around his face parted for just a moment. Instead of the cool tint of his green skin being revealed, or that purple bandana you had hidden many times in a playful manner, all you saw were tissue sinew and blood. Flesh peeled away and drooped down his face like sad wallpaper. You choked on your own bile as he grinned at you without skin around his mouth, making a grotesque clicking sound with his teeth.

The only thing that remained normal was his reddish brown eyes. They looked at you, locking you in place with a liquid hate you had only seen from him in your nightmares.

"The funniest delusion of all, was believing that I could possibly like a person like you."

Your eyebrows pulled together in terrified confusion. Sweat dripped down your head and trickled uncomfortably to the ends of your earlobes. Your chest felt the tightest it had in your life; heartbeat practically nonexistent.

You wanted to say you had no idea what he was talking about. That he was being insane. More insane that what was already going on. But the way you reacted to his words, your ears ringing with hurt and eyes pricking with acidic tears, you knew there was some truth to it. Why you were constantly put out with his efforts to pursue April. How your face dropped at each lovestruck look he tossed at the back of her head. All those jokes you'd made about Donnie being insufferable when your friend was around; maybe not being as much of a joke as you'd thought.

You don't think you'd ever realized your ulterior motives in all those acts yourself. Maybe you wouldn't have ever if it hadn't been pointed out.

Nothing more was said, because nothing else had to be. Donatello's face sewed itself back up with a sick slurping noise, returning to fuzzy gray eyes and a black exterior. With prolonged movements, he reached for the staff on his back. It was also dripping with goo, a few droplets splattering on your already ruined clothes as he hovered one end over your face. You recognized it as the end a blade was set to come out of.

Looking back up at all of them, the chains in their hands were all gone. They didn't need them anymore. It's not like you would be going anywhere. After all, everything below your head was encased in metal. Set to rot for all eternity.

A flash a silver and the snap of a button being clicked was what sent you into darkness for a second time

"I think they're waking up!"

"Get off my table Mikey. You'll break something again!"

"Is it too late to punch his face in?"

"Guys shut up. They're awake."

Taking a moment to steel your nerves against all of the elements suddenly attacking your senses, you inhaled with a hiss, an earthquake of deja vu sweeping over you with its delightful aftershock know as nausea.

The feeling of a cold metal slab underneath you alerted you that you were in Donnies lab. Most likely lying face up on his makeshift opperating table he'd crafted out of a d.i.y welding set and spare metal slab. And if any of the very poorly concealed whispering told you anything, there were going to be quite a few mutant turtles staring down at you when you opened your eyes.

You decided to peak one open to check.

Yep. Definitely a few of them.

"I saw that! Hey, did you guys see that! Their eye moved!" You heard what was most likely Mikey flail around somewhere on your left side. A few frustrated voices snapped at him to calm down, resulting in what you guessed was a raspberry to be blown back at them.

"We know you're awake." Raphael called your name blandly. You answered with what you thought was going to be a coherent string of curses, but instead was just a really scratchy sounding groan.

"I think they said, Michelangelo is the bestest turtle of all time. And also the handsomest." You felt three giant fingers grab onto the flesh of your jaw and move your mouth up and down as Mikey did a horrible impression of your voice. Treating you almost like you were a life sized ventriloquist dummy. With a grunt and a strain of your neck, you garnered enough strength to reach up and bite at his finger, inwardly pumping your fist in the air as you heard him yelp and the feeling of fingers left your face.

"Ok now we know for sure you're awake sleepy head." You felt another finger poke the side of your head, retracting fast enough so you didn't have to chance to bite them too.

Finally giving into the curse known as getting out of bed, you opened both your eyes and tilted your head down to stare at seven sets of separate eyes.

Even Master Splinter was here. You must have been out for a while.

"How long." Was all you could manage as you propped yourself up on your elbow.

"Ten years."

"How long, Donatello." You enunciated Donnies name this time, glaring at Casey who looked very amused at his own joke.

"Fourteen hours." He barely glanced up from something he was tinkering with in his lap, looking rather focused. "It's almost noon."

That was enough to shock you up, looking around to land on April's figure as you sputtered.

"Our presentation was due today." You coughed out. She nodded, bringing her t-phone out and gesturing to it.

"I already called the school. Said we had both spent the night together and got sick. They bought it like a charm."

"What about you Casey?"

"Eh. I never show up to class anyways." He shrugged. "What's another absent day for the Jones?"

"That might explain the lack of intelligence." You heard Donnie whisper. It was followed by a soft crack and him yelping in surprise. You looked and saw nothing but a faint red mark forming on Donnies arm. If you glanced at Splinter long enough, his tail twitched once as he smiled.

"Well that's good to know." You nodded at April. "Now can someone tell me why I'm surrounded by everyone I know this side of the Hudson?"

"Like Donnie said, you were out for fourteen hours dude! That's, like a whole day! We were worried." Mikey waved his arms in the air wildly and spun around in a rolly chair. You weren't sure where he got it from, but Donatello didn't look to happy about it.

"My sons told me about what happened." Splinter interjected. Everyone turned to look at him as he leaned on his emerald cane, eyes sparkling with a fierce emotion you couldn't place.

"You were all very brave in your mission. For that I comend you. But it seems that out of everyone, you were hit the hardest by the fungus." He ended his statement in your direction with a calm tone, doing nothing to ease your worries. Breaking eye contact with him was harder than you would have liked.

"So you guys figured out how to stop it then?"

"More like Leo did." April smiled. "We found him passed out and surrounded in shriveled mushrooms, looking like he had the fight of his life."

"Against a colony of shrooms?"

"The biggest one was at least fifteen feet tall."

"I take it all back. Leo you're the best." You snickered as you carefully slid off the table, feeling confident enough to stand now. You did your best to ignore the feeling of so many sets of eyes as you did so.

"So. What was your hallucination about?" Raph was the one to break the ice, scouring your face for any sort of hint. You barely held back a wince at the question. Maybe if the memory had come back to you in bits and pieces like it did to people in the movies, the question wouldn't have off put you that bad. But instead, you'd woken up and found yourself already remembering each and every bit of the nightmarish hell you'd been trapped in.

"Raph's was about cockroaches!" Mikey sang, laughing as he poked fun at his older brother. Raphael just growled and curled his fists into balls, probably holding himself back because Splinter was standing right next to him.

"Yeah? Well Mikey's was about alien squirells!" He pointed a finger at his brother angrily. And offended gasp punctuated his accusatory tone.

"It's squirellanoids! And they are much scarier than cockroaches or rats!" Mikey whined back.

"Rats?" You question, tossing a split second glance to Splinter. Somewhere next to you Casey groaned, clearly the culprit of what you assumed had been the fur induced visions.

"Can we go back to what your thing was now?" Casey said with hot ears, clearly not appreciating his fear being put on blast while April was in the room.

You pursed your lips and directed your gaze to the lab wall behind everyone. Peeling skin and puddles of oil looking sludge flashed behind your lids each time you blinked. With it left the stabbing sensation of tears. Something you despised; especially while in the presence of others.

"Nothing much." Was what you settled on, moving forward before anyone could say anything else. "What about you, Donnie? Did you end up getting sprayed?" It was almost ironic how you immediately chose to single him out after replaying the events of your nightmare in your head. A part of you scoffed at it.

"I uh—" His face grew warm at your query and he refused to met your gaze, "—I don't want to talk about it."

With a shrug you dropped the topic.

"Mind if I go get something to eat? I, uh, kind of feel like I'm dying here." You nodded toward the door nearest the kitchen, once again changing the subject. Mikey immediately ran to it at the mention of food, screaming about pizza. According to the others, he had been waiting all day to crack open a pizza to eat with you. And you weren't about to deny him now.

As everyone filed out into the common room, a light hand placed itself on your shoulder. Without even looking back you knew who it belonged to and only confirmed it once locking eyes with Master Splinter.

"My child," He began softly. "I know we do not have the bond you do with my sons, but if you ever feel troubled, my dojo is always open for you. The mind is your most powerful weapon, and it would be a mistake to let it stew in its own treachery."

You didn't make a move to shrug his hand away or even leave. Instead you looked at him curiously, searching for even a hint of insincerity. When you found none, you just nodded.

"Now go. I know you are eager to join the others."

Splinter watched as you retreated to the playful shouting coming from the other room, hands coming to rest on the peak of his cane once more. You reminded him of his sons. Too much of his sons.

He was just glad that you'd all found each other. He might have gone insane if he had to entertain those boys the rest of his life.

200 notes · View notes

simonsdoll · 1 year

Note

kind of an angsty/flufffy ask but the 141 + könig + graves reaction to making reader cry at work (like they got mad at you and snapped and then you start tearing up and sobbing)

You can make reader civilian or military up to you 💖

MW2 men’s reaction to

making reader cry

Includes: Price,Ghost,Soap,Gaz,Konig and Graves

A/n: Thanks for the request! I kinda cried making these btw. Hope you like!

PRICE

- He irritatedly yells at you and curses sick words at you making the room go silent as he takes off his hat and throws it on the ground. He impulsively kicks a chair towards your direction. With the swift motion of his hands going up you get startled and start to feel your eyes collect with tears in shock. He’s never done that before and his mean words has you frozen and breathing shallow

- As he snaps out of his maddening state, he sees tears fall down your face as he notices the closed fists to your chest awaiting more yells from him. Your erratic breathing giving you goosebumps

- He acts quickly and he hugs you,apologizing over and over again. Starts reflecting on his actions as he soothes your crying. Making sure he does better next time things get stressful and to not repeat himself again

GHOST

- He slams you onto a wall and aggressively tells you how irritating you are and how he wishes he doesn’t see you after every mission. Said it in a heartless and cold manner as if he didn’t regret a word. He walks backwards with a fist to his mouth to keep him from saying more awful things to you

- He stares at you silently realizing what he just said to you. He sees you hold the wall behind you in fear and anger. Hot tears running down your face as you get an unpleasant feeling in your stomach. You run to your barrack room and quickly shut the door

- When you let him in to talk,he stands there awkwardly before he starts to quietly apologize to you for his hurtful words. Telling you he didn’t mean anything and that you mean so much to him even the rest of 141 but that he doesn’t show it. He brings you in for a side hug while he carcasses your shoulders making sure your tears stop falling. He reminds himself that people have feelings and he should be more considerate with his choice of words

SOAP

- He shouts at you as he arrogantly degrades you for everything you do and how much of a bother you are every time you come near him. In a realization, he covers his mouth with one hand and runs his fingers through his hair with the other

- You shake your head side to side and your lips began to tremble trying to push back the heavy tears in your eyes. As soon as he loses his temper, he embraces you in a tight hug and starts apologizing profusely. Taking back everything he said telling you it’s not true. His voice starts to shake in fear he’s ruined the bond between you both

- He wipes the tears from your face one by one whispering that he’s so so sorry and asking himself ; what type of person is he, yelling at someone like that? Reassuring you that your never a bother and all those hurtful things he said were just because he was irritated. Starts promising himself he’ll work better on managing his feelings instead of taking them out of people

GAZ

- He yells at you as he throws an object at you in hopes you leave him alone. Telling you to fuck off and sarcastically tells you he actually cares when you tried venting to him about your problems. He let you know how bitchy you are when he’s around and hopes you remain silent forever

- His hands shake as he throws his hands above his head in shock. Doesn’t know what came over him and why he dared to say that to you. He looks at your change in breathing and at a loss for words when you begin to cry holding any surface for balance

- He quickly holds your hands and guides you to sit down. Starts repeating to you that it’s his fault and he apologizes over and over again between sentences. Wipes your tears and he comforts you by whispering sweet words into your ear. Telling you he doesn’t mean any word he said telling you it’s the exact opposite. Beats himself up to stop acting on his impulsive behavior especially if it affects others

KONIG

- Shoves you to the ground accidentally not keeping in mind how strong he is. Calls you so overbearing and hates how affectionate you are. Telling you how he sometimes wishes to rip you off him at times

- You keep yourself propped up on one elbow while the other flies to your chest. A pain begins to form in your chest as your heavy tears result in your inability to speak. He tried walking past you quickly stepping over you, but he snaps out of his troubled thoughts, turning around as he sees you crying on the floor. He walks quickly to you and picks you up taking you to the bedroom and sits you down at the edge of the bed

- He falls to his knees and looks up at you with tearful eyes. He’s crying and regretting ever laying his hands on you in such a cruel way. He hugs your waist murmuring countless apologies in German. He thinks you hate him and he starts to tell you the best he can through sniffles that he didn’t mean anything and how he’s never going to treat you like that ever again. He’s more careful of his actions and tries his best to de-escalate things when he gets mad

GRAVES

- He yells at you with an enraged tone of voice.He starts punching the wall leaving dents as he vents about all the problems he has and how your just one of many more he has to deal with that stress and irk him. How you provoke the worst out of him and when missions get tough he doesn’t bother looking out for you

- With every punch to the wall,the room echoes and shortly after it’s filled with your choked sobbing. You back away slowly from him trying to create some space between you both. He rubs his knuckles looking down at the floor as his breathing stops. He looks back up to you watching hot tears rush and fall down your face. He runs fingers through his hair trying to figure out why he confessed such terrible things he didn’t mean

- He walks slowly up to you apologizing over and over again trying not to startle you anymore. He kneels down on one knee as he starts degrading himself for acting such a cruel way towards you. Looks up to you and says sorry again but with watery eyes making sure you know he means it. He promises himself to not show that ugly side of him anymore in hopes of losing you

REQUESTS ARE OPEN

Check Masterlist for more

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honey-minded-hivemind · 17 days

Note

Ooooooo

I have come, with something!

So, imagine reader is a young adult instead of the teen. They already gone through the system, was never adopted, so they have a lot of resentment to parents and such. And they actually work in the school as an assistant teacher. The team thing happens and when reader realizes they were being used, they quit, and after, cut out anything showing they’re a mutant. Maybe filling the claws way down to look like normal nails, or if it’s like wolverine’s, they use a rock to break it.

How would everyone react to seeing reader after that, either fresh from their self mutilation, or some days after?

Thanks for reading my rant!

🌂

Oooooo... Okay, okay, that's interesting! I still plan to have Reader as a teen in the main au, but Reader as a young adult? Not bad, if I say so. I'm going to count this as an au of the Smilodon AU, because I have an idea for how Reader finding all of this out goes, but... I really like this ask. So good job! Let's do it-

If the others, the X-Men and Brotherhood, saw Reader like that... I think they'd feel nauseous. Light-headed. Sick. Because their... whatever Reader is to them, is missing parts of their mutation, the parts that were part of them. Their claws... they're filed down, hardly there anymore.. Their fangs... not near as long or sharp as they used to be. And the small bits of fur or fluff that used to dot their arms and legs... they're gone, leaving the skin underneath. This isn't what they wanted. They wanted Reader as their, well... okay, they had used Reader. They didn't want to, in the end, and the teens wanted to stop it, but- They just couldn't. They tried. The adults... they feel remorse. A bit scared. Because now they know Reader can and will harm themself (and likely had before). When Xavier looks deeper into Reader's thoughts, he sees their inner-self, and it isn't a monster or a beast or an evil person... it's a scared, lonely, hurt child, who wants love, but has been denied it so long that they don't trust anyone. And after what all they've done... Reader doesn't even trust them anymore...

Xavier, Scott, and Jean would try to speak rationally with Reader (their version of rational). It goes out the window real quick when Reader's thoughts turn darker, sadder, spiraling. Scott wants to know why Reader did what they did, because he's sorry, and wants them to know they care. He wants them to see it their way. But he mostly wants to make things better between them. Jean wants to help Reader, and comfort them, but now there's a literal mental wall between them, full of bitterness. She wants to reach them,, to stop them from doing this to themself... Xavier wants to convince Reader they meant no harm, and to give them and the X-Men a proper chance to make it up to them. He knows that Reader will be hard to convince. But they have to hold out hope. If worse came to worse... they can try and move Reader in with them, albeit unwillingly. It might be the only way to keep an eye on them and their health...

Kurt, Kitty, Ororo, and Beast regret getting Reader's hopes up, only for the truth to come out about why they started trying to befriend them in the first place. Seeing Reader remove parts of their mutation, leaving them almost defenseless... Kurt feels scared. He has a visible mutation as well, and while he hid his with the holo watch, Reader didn't have something like that. And they got rid of parts of themself! It's... it's so hard to look at... Kitty wants to hug Reader, wants forgiveness. She's so sorry about what happened, she wants them to know that! But... why would Reader hurt themself? Are they hiding any other wounds? What If they hurt themself again?... Storm is doing her best to stay calm and motherly, which sadly doesn't get her very far. She knows they've hurt Reader, and it doesn't feel good, for Reader or for them. But they need to own up to it. The best they can do is apologize, and hope Reader forgives them, or at least doesn't hurt themself further. Perhaps getting Hank to talk with them would be better... Hank would try and help them, would try to talk with Reader. He wants to provide therapy, or at least get them to have a medical exam. He needs to know how bad they hurt themself. But they're not budging. He doesn't want Charles to force Reader. No. But if they want to help them, they need them under their care. And sadly, Reader does not want to be under their care or protection after everything...

Rogue, Evan, and Logan feel guilty. They know they didn't trust Reader at first. That they didn't want to give them the benefit of the doubt. But seeing how bad it's hurt them, that they'd rather hurt themself than them... It's a tough pill to swallow. Reader already had trust issues. They already didn't have a high opinion of themself. And they just made those a whole lot worse. Rogue is truly sorry, wanting to have Reader stay with them so they don't hurt themself or disappear. She's scared that if they look away from them, they'll be gone. That Reader will leave, or worse, be dead. Evan wants to apologize, but he also wants Reader to give them a second chance. Even his aunt is in on it, and maybe Reader would believe two of them over just one? He really wants them to not give up on them... Logan knows he hasn't handled knowing Reader very well. He knew about some of their past, and wrote them off as a bad influence. And they weren't. They're the cub of his "brother" (he doesn't know if that fuzzy maniac is his brother or not), but they've never even met the guy, let alone know who he was. It wasn't fair of him to get mad with them, to treat them as a potential threat. Seeing them harm themself though... It makes him realize that they had every chance to go after all of them, but instead they turned on themself. And for that... he realizes he shouldn't have been been hard. So cold.

The Brotherhood teens want to throw up. Their favorite assistant teacher, the one who tended to see the best in them, is missing parts of themself, or has cut them down. And it scares the cr*p out of them. This is their favorite teacher! Their go-to adult in school when things go wrong or people won't leave them alone! And they've. Hurt. Themself. They didn't want to use them! They swear! But... they're not sure this is an easy fix. This isn't as simple as saying sorry. This had consequences, and they've (mostly) learned that one has to own up to them, no matter what they be. Lance doesn't want to imagine Reader leaving them. They're the one adult he trusts. And now they're scared, or at least wary, of all of them. The X-Teens are in the same boat, so while he hates to say it, he might have to work with them to get Reader to stay, and hopefully heal and regrow their claws and fangs and fuzz. Todd feels sick. He didn't realize they could do that. They could actually remove parts of their mutation? Just like that? Thinking about it gives him shivers. Who would give their powers up? Who'd willingly hurt themself? He understands why they'd do it, he just wishes they hadn't. Fred wants to hug Reader and cry. His favorite adult (who's only a few years older than all of them) just hurt themself. And is upset with them. And is sad. He doesn't want them to be upset! Or hurt! He's trying to apologize, and is on the same boat as Lance to get the X-Teens help in apologizing, if it means Reader might forgive them. Pietro knows what they did. He knows it was wrong. Is he sorry?... Yes. But he still wants Reader with them. Seeing them they way they are... he still thinks they should be with them, even more now. They need help. His dad can get help, okay? H*ck, if they have to, they can pull Sabretooth in, okay?! He just... he doesn't want Reader to hurt themself even more. They're nice, and pay attention to him and his sister, good attention. How can they let them hurt? Wanda is asking Reader why they did it. She wants to know Reader's perspective on this, on why they did it, how they feel about them all. She doesn't want to hurt them, and she won't, but Reader needs help. She will not have her favorite adult die on her or hurt themself, so they'd better hurry up and go to her father or Xavier and get them involved, otherwise, they're going to have a problem. Mystique feels for Reader. Being distrusted by everyone. Having mutations that single them out. It hurts. It hurts her even more knowing she has hurt Reader with her actions. But this proves to her Reader needs a team. A group. She's grateful Reader hasn't taken their anger or hurt out on them, like their father might have. She knows they deserve it. But... she isn't sure if they should turn to... the X-Men... blegh... or to Magneto... who she's mad with... And unfortunately, those are her two options. The joys of being an adult, being responsible... Hopefully they can reach Reader before it could be too late...

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zbase1 · 10 months

Text

most to least likely to get jealous easily

most

zhang hao

hanbin

gyuvin

taerae

ricky

jiwoong

matthew

least

explanations below the cut !!

zhang hao

— uh oh

— i genuinely think zhang hao would get jealous very easily

— and boy is he scary when he is jealous

— like he wouldn't even try to hide or tone down his expressions

— have you guys seen that clip of zhang hao's reaction when he saw gyuvin cuddling hanbin lmfao

— and the one where he gets up and manually separates jiwoong and taerae's hands

— bro was MAD

— overall zhang hao strikes me as a pretty possessive person and he is not afraid to proactively show it

— your sweater would get stuck on a doorknob while you were walking by and hanbin, who happened to be nearby, offers to detangle you

— hao sees the entire interaction and he is practically fuming

— storms up to you guys and immediately moves hanbin's hand away from your sweater

— "thanks hanbin, but i can take care of it from here"

— gets super touchy and doesn't let go of your hand for the next 30 minutes

— "hao, i'm not going anywhere, don't worry. also my hand is getting numb...."

— "oH sorry"

hanbin

—hanbin also strikes me as being quite possessive

— remember that one clip where zhang hao is touching taerae's leg and hanbin was in the back, watching it all unfold with a scary look on his face

— but then when taerae looks behind him to check for hanbin's expression, hanbin suddenly smiles like nothing happened

— so the main difference between zhang hao and hanbin is that hanbin actually tones down his emotions he is feeling at the time

— when he sees zhang hao showing you pictures on his phone while standing a little too close to you for his liking, hanbin sees literal red

— when you bring it up to him later,

— "is everything alright hanbin? i saw you glaring at me a while ago when i was with hao"

— "yes. everything is just fine. "

— he would feign a reassuring smile (a scarily believing one too)

— due to his leader position, hanbin has the tendency to be a control freak sometimes, and that translates over to your relationship with him as well

— but remember in that one video hanbin he said he resolves his anger easily

— so i think hanbin would quickly get over himself and acknowledge that there was no need for jealousy

— he eventually apologizes to you for acting this way

gyuvin

— i think gyuvin would get jealous quite easily since he is still quite young and needs more time to process this intense emotion

— gyuvin feels a twinge of jealously whenever he sees you laughing at ricky's jokes

— he would get insecure and start comparing himself to others :(

— tries to brush off his jealousy with humor

— "bitches be obsessed with y/n ⁉️ it's me i'm bitches ‼️🔥"

— "gyu, what's wrong?"

— "okay be honest y/n do you think ricky is funnier than me"

— reassuring gyuvin was really simple: just hug him

— gyuvin forgives you so quickly and wraps you in a big hug

taerae

— he is so gentle-natured and soft-hearted

— so i think taerae's heart would break a little when he overhears you asking matthew for advice about what shoes to pair with your outfit

— he is your boyfriend, NOT matthew!!! was his sense of style so awful you didn't wanna ask him for his opinion?

— lowkey gets offended but would never say that out loud

— instead he just becomes really really quiet

— taerae knows it's petty but he gives you the silent treatment and feels guilty about it the whole time

— taerae isn't trying to hurt you, but he just wants space and time for himself to think things through before he says anything he regrets

— comes out of hibernation after 24 hours and talks it through with you honestly

— "y/n i'm so sorry for ignoring you, i just wasn't being right in the head at the time and i let my emotions get the best of me"

ricky

— moderately gets jealous from time to time

— doesn't act like his usual self and sighs a lot out of frustration

— in my perspective, ricky is not usually touchy with loved ones, especially not in public

— but ricky starts acting more clingy than usual when he is jealous, which makes you ask him if everything was okay

— he admits to you that he didn't like it when you paid more attention to gyuvin's dog than him when you guys went over to gyuvin's the other day

— "ricky, you're jealous of..... eumpappa?" 💀

— "NO WHAT. well..... maybe a little. BUT i just wanted your attention :("

jiwoong

— i think jiwoong wouldn't really get jealous that often due to the life experiences and wisdom he already has (he is only 24 i accidentally made him sound ancient)

— being an actor, jiwoong definitely knows about having to kiss other actors while filming a romance drama,

— all while some actors are in their own actual relationships

— they know to set aside personal life for professionalism

— so i feel like jiwoong would understand and know how to separate the two

— knows that your relationsbip with him is valuable and you aren't trying to leave him when you spend alone time with the other boys

— honestly i can see jiwoong giving advice to the other boys who get jealous more often

— "taerae, i really think y/n just happened to ask matthew about the shoes because you had your airpods in and your head in a book. and no one wants to be interrupted when they're listening to music and reading."

matthew

— my boy matthew is so chill (it's the canadian in him)

— he almost never gets jealous

— except for maybe when you mention your childhood crush on nick from zootopia for some reason??? 💀

— matthew legit doesn't bat an eye when you tell him you're going to the grocery store to buy some ingredients for taerae's birthday cake

— "i wanna come along y/n!!! i know exactly what taerae would like."

— it's so sweet how matthew fully trusts you and the other zb1 boys

— if anything, matthew usually ENCOURAGES you to hang out with his friends

— smiley boy isn't worried at all

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a-twistedheartslonging · 2 months

Text

Dependable Senpai

They swallowed the bitter spoonful of liquid before leaning back against the pillows behind them. Sitting in bed sick, their body ached, weak, and fatigued from the fever that had come on suddenly the night before. The room was dim, the only light filtering in through the curtains Trey had drawn earlier in an attempt to ease the Prefect’s pounding headache. He sat at the edge of their bed gently dabbing their forehead with a cool cloth, a worried crease between green brows.

"Well done, I didn't even have to change the taste for you to take it," he praised. "Eh, it's just a bit bitter. No reason to throw a fit," they rasped out in response, their throat sore from coughing throughout the night. He let out a small laugh and replied, "I wish the others were as easy to manage when they're sick."

"Don't tell me...the other guys actually throw fits about taking medicine?..." they asked in disbelief. “But we're in freaking college…” He tried to smile but it looked pained as he responded. "Let's just say you're my favorite for a reason."

Always such an obedient little thing…

"That's sweet...still I'm sorry I made you worry and come all the way out here, senpai," they apologized, their voice rough and strained. He simply smiled kindly and shook his head, taking their smaller hand in his own and giving it a reassuring squeeze. "You have nothing to apologize for. I came because I wanted to. Besides, I enjoy spending time with you," he replied sincerely. Though his words were meant to provide comfort, they couldn't help but feel a bit guilty knowing how busy the third-year student usually was with his duties and responsibilities.

Sensing their swirling thoughts, Trey gently spoke their name in a questioning tone, his concern for them obvious despite the calm demeanor he tried to maintain. "Are you feeling okay? You're not getting worse, are you?" he asked gently as he studied their flushed face.

“Oh, no...I, uh...” they fidgeted beneath the blanket wrapped around their shoulders. “I’ve just never really had anybody take care of me like this, even my own family back in my world. So I was surprised, I guess I wasn't expecting you or anyone to do this kind of thing for me.” They admitted softly, a tinge of sadness in their voice.

He felt a little bad for them but still had to keep from smiling. What a chance to show them what the gentle affection their dear dependable Senpai can provide…but also…

“You haven't? Well, I…”

Though he wanted to know more, he knew he shouldn't ask too directly. Still, when would the right time even be? They were a little loopy right now, so it would be easy to ask subtle questions and see where the conversation led. Maybe he could find out just how inexperienced they really were…

He clears his throat. “So, not even by a...boyfriend?”

Well, that was about as subtle as a brick through a window.

He couldn't help but cringe and regret the words as soon as they left his mouth. But before he could apologize, they looked shyly to the side before responding. "Ah...I've never actually had a boyfriend before or anything like that...so no.”

He takes a deep breath.

Well then…

They sighed heavily, their shoulders slumping in embarrassment. “Pretty lame, right?”

Of course, his sweet, innocent darling had never had a relationship before.

At his lack of response, they got even more flustered. “S-sorry, I said something dumb-”

"Not at all." He quickly reassured them, wanting to erase any doubts from their mind. "Whoever goes out with you will have all the luck." He leaned towards them bracing a hand against their headboard, causing them to blush at his sudden closeness.

“S-senpai?” they responded in surprise, not expecting just how...excited he sounded.

"Going out on dates, eating together, holding hands..." They felt his breath against their face as he spoke, making their heart race as he described the simple pleasures of a new romance. He glances at their lips before meeting their eyes. “First kiss...they'll be the first to do all that with you...very lucky."

He then leaned back, removing his arm from the headboard, and proceeded to adjust his glasses, as if nothing out of the ordinary had just happened.

“Once you're better I’ll bake one of your favorites. How does that sound?”

#soft yan #soft yandere #twst #twisted wonderland.#trey clover #twst trey #twisted wonderland trey #trey clover/reader

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lxmelle · 2 months

Text

Thoughts/Ponderings/Musings on ch 236. About Gojo reaching Sukuna, his death, his relationships, etc.

I know there are people who really dislike the characterisation here, expressing that Gojo is likely far more kind and caring for his students, etc.

Gege and his infinite wisdom over his creation seems to like encouraging headcanon kaisen, lol. He certainly keeps things quite true to life and allows the reader to make their own conclusions.

It is not my place as a casual reader to judge his writing, and I will defend it inasmuch as I also had hoped for more: Just because it isn’t explicitly said, doesn’t mean those things we have seen about Gojo aren’t true. I agree that it is also a shame that more wasn’t or couldn’t be included in this chapter to either dispel or confirm, but that’s masterful writing in itself, I guess.

I take small refuge in my interpretation that this is a glimpse of a conversation; as in real life, we ease into conversations. I enjoyed the dynamics and overall tone. I like to remember that each expression was a decision made, and these details can hold a lot of weight in meaning.

So we see that Gojo prefaces with something else and was responding rather specifically to Geto’s question regarding his fight, his end.

Geto, a natural conversationalist, who is said to be good at being at Gojo’s level, enquires about his fight - entering into neutral territory after Gojo expressed frustration and being stunned after his sudden arrival there.

Geto reads him / the atmosphere well and responds to tune the conversation to a level he can reach Gojo, despite possibly having a lot to say and catch up on himself. (Like, we never hear him talk about his family aside from confirming they escaped.)

He is showing respect for his friend. What do they have to rush for, anyway? I don’t think there is a specific afterlife if they chose to go south. Time may be infinite?

—

A lot more under the cut. Feel free to skim and apologies in advance for tangents. I hope it makes sense overall. I tried to make it as cohesive as possible despite being lengthy.

:: Beware the Word Vomit, overall reaching, meta, interpretations, some satosugu shipping, and general weaving and stringing of themes. ::

Disclaimer: I’m fully aware I may be wrong, as I am with many things, and you’re welcome to drop me any comments or thoughts.

One of the glaring issues was the “Sukuna glazing” as some fans called it. To see Gojo having regard for Sukuna’s strength doesn’t take anything away from Gojo imho, but I get it. What was all this reaching that Gojo was expressing? Surely that doesn’t that precedence? Of all things, is this what he’s regretting in what is possibly his last significant scene in the manga?

A part of me relates to this outrage, but then I try to bring myself down, because we are often kept out of what intimacies are exchanged between Gojo and significant ones (Geto, students, etc.) and we aren’t / haven’t been privy to many deep and elaborate reflections of Gojo or Geto. All we get are ellipses “...” and depictions of longing stares that don’t quite betray their honest thoughts.

So, within the context of the above, Geto asks directly and Gojo describes. Of course he’d want to know how Gojo experienced it. He’s always been the one who cared about how Gojo actually feels or experiences things. He might join in a bit of friendly ribbing, but Geto and Gojo communicate on another level with banter, etc. there’s a reason they’re each other’s best friend.

I also see an interpretation where it cycles back to love is the most twisted curse: it can save people, but it may hold you back from being the strongest. Love has been a theme since the origin story in jjk 0. Gojo’s love for his students and Megumi may or may not have affected their chances of success, but he nevertheless cares and bets on the future (students).

Geto has always been shown to be Gojo’s significant person - a safe person, if you will. Thematically, their designs are two parts of a whole. Their fates intertwine in so many ways, only to be separated ultimately to death.

Since, he’s described not feeling lonely anymore, through love for this students (his legacy and will) and even more now (for himself) that he was wrong about dying alone. He had wanted to find a way to bring Geto home (to jujutsu high [Geto’s theme song “come back home” given by Gege is all about this after all]) but despite all that’s happened, he is with him at the airport, and Gojo is satisfied enough with that, but won’t waste time not bridging gaps any longer -

Gojo is so very forthcoming with Geto in his adult years. Given the opportunity in jjk 0, he not only asks for his last wishes, but conveys his as well. He then speaks his heart in his conversation with Geto; he is candid, yet serious.

I’d like to think it’s infused with more emotion than he ever did in their early days. He confirms his feelings to Geto and confesses his desire to have had him there to send him off. More on this later.

In the original version of the manga, Gojo momentarily reverts back to the use of “ore” just once, before it becomes “boku” again - a shift had taken place in him due to what Geto said in the past. To demonstrate that in a few short panels is quite something too. People change; we evolve through the influence of significant others.

Gojo knows loneliness as he has learnt about love in its different forms. To really know it is perchance what Sukuna doesn’t, despite saying he does.

From this point of view, he says he is sorry for him, as he’s got empathy for Sukuna; that Sukuna couldn’t learn what he had wanted to convey, but perhaps the emphasis was more of a pity for him than feeling disappointed.

In a typical Gojo fashion, he captures it clumsily and makes it about strength in his speech, as if punches and skills thrown at each other could convey that it doesn’t have to be lonely and that they could understand each other - that having a peer would be interesting / satisfying - perhaps also seeking a sense of validation himself in Sukuna. It’s possibly also what prompts people like Nanami to call him out on the extreme emphasis on strength. But maybe that’s Gojo’s defence mechanism too, who knows. If Gojo had a love language, would it be fighting talk? Ha ha.

This reminds me of how Gojo was perhaps unintentionally condescending to Geto at the KFC breakup scene - it was the final nail in the coffin for Geto and he shut down completely, remarking the now infamous, “Are you Gojo Satoru because you’re the strongest or are you the strongest because you are Gojo Satoru?” But that’s by the by I guess. It wasn’t as if Sukuna was going in for therapy / love intervention with anyone, lol. Fighting was the conversation.

So moving on, what is Sukuna’s perspective and what could it be that Gojo wanted to convey, and presumably died trying? Looking at the next fight, he is asked directly about his perspective as the strongest in history who stands above the rest.

Sukuna. The pinnacle; the epitome of strength, solitude, and one who has cast away everything - seemingly peacefully - in favour of being formidable at the top. Revered and feared in equal measure.

He is so strong yet he doesn’t need anything the others facing off with him seem to yearn. The all want to reach him for their own reasons. Maybe like disciples chasing the Buddha. What is his message? Can I understand him, and he, me? And then, ourselves?

This fight was supposedly for himself too - but what was he yearning? Gojo at first glance appears to wish to defend himself, everyone, and save megumi. Mourn Geto too. From what we understand, he's been lonely, despite this improving over the past year (through his admission to Geto later on in the airport scene).

The mark of The Strongest has been left: As soon as Gojo became strong, Geto left. Geto didn’t love him for his strength - he had to leave; in part, because feeling out of place and left behind in the a shadow of a person who is now living by “the strongest, alone” hurt, making the ills of the world unbearable, as it tipped the balance greatly for him. He could not see beyond Gojo’s apparent selfless selfishness, and he did the same with his own version of it. He had to pave his own way and build another family & world - even if it was a shell of what he had with Gojo.

But I digress. Gojo had strength but it wasn’t enough to reach Geto. He has been using his Strength as a teacher to foster a new generation, allies, in a bid to change the Jujutsu world in a different way to Geto. Yes, they shared a dream. (I hope this comes back into the picture with Geto's side fighting Sukuna too.)

He sees this curse taking shape - first with Yuji and then Megumi. I can’t imagine the outrage, and how it’s internalised by Gojo. He possibly dissociates to some degree, as one wouldn’t be able to function if they carried the weight of the world (in information and in sensation overload) all the time. He’s trained himself to be selective. So, nevertheless, there is a call to defend his title; he is also bored, wants to be a good example, and plays his part to assist with defeating Sukuna - tries to reach him but maybe it just wasn’t his message to relay. Gojo’s job was done here. He got what he wanted - a satisfying fight. More on this later.

We see the futility this far in reaching Sukuna across chapters. Responding to “love”… Harming those along the way carelessly, as he wanders simply proving his existence, as if that alone is enough to justify and bring it purpose. As a calamity or curse, he doesn’t need to consider what he is.

This is the extreme of what strength is - of what Gojo could have become. Perhaps if he wasn't so deeply touched by having someone complete him, so he could be a brat in his youth and actually trust someone to fall back on. And had he not suffered loss through Geto leaving, would've meant he never had to question himself or experience doubt or longing in his life, as he was gifted, was he not? Or was it actually a curse?

Is it meaningful to be the only one at the top of the mountain where nobody can even reach? What good does the embodiment of strength bring, if there is nobody to recognise that it is, no one to yield the power for to give it meaning, and no use for the sheer magnitude of what you can do to give it purpose?

Sukuna says he knows love and cast it away, finding it worthless, that he responds to others’ strength with love through besting them in a fight. He gets his “kicks” like Gojo did to some degree like in the theme song for Gojo by Aviccii:

(Oh, my, my) That's what I get for lovin' you

(Lie, lie, lie) You know I can't live without you

(Why, why, why?) And all the things you put me through

(Cry, cry, cry) 'Cause I'll get my kicks without you

Life must be pretty monochromatic as The Strongest. Rinse repeat until no one is left.

Following the loss of love, Gojo tried to find meaning and pass the time in ways befitting of him too. Everyone has to find a way to move on, right? But it doesn’t mean everyone feels fulfilled or healed. He drilled skills into his tempered body throughout the years of his existence; he wanted to showcase it all to Sukuna - the reason he fought and battled and trained and developed his incredible sense - his spirit that does so for himself (yes he does get kicks from it) but also for others - because Gojo is an evolved form of The Strongest. Maybe The Strongest 2.0 and Yuta is version 3.0. You get my drift.

Gojo is representing the sorcerers of the modern world. Whilst Gege likes to poke fun and say he is devoid of a personality; I’d say that isn’t it quite natural when your role in life has already been partially determined for you at birth? Further, as a “victim” of circumstance due to the setting, trauma and heavy reliance on Gojo to fulfil all sorcerer duties from a young age (esp after Geto left) can certainly leave you in a state of emotional arrested development.

To reiterate, Gojo, unlike Sukuna, DOES find meaning and purpose in his students. He wised up and found the sense in what he and Geto discussed, learning from the past and adopting certain philosophies that suited him.

But still, as the strongest, Gojo was lonely with the line drawn - as a human being (self/identity) hiding behind a living creature (of strength/facade); Gojo seemed to be saying through the blooming lotuses (flowers growing out of literal muddy waters - rich in religious and cultural sumbolism) that he loves everyone but despite that they couldn’t understand him, and him, them. This is the main interpretation that makes sense as Gojo is talking about himself, his allies (esp Megumi), even possibly Geto, but he is also talking about reaching Sukuna.

Considering the possible interpretations for who the lotuses symbolise... he less common one from my readings thus far would be Sukuna; but it kinda makes sense: Sukuna, who was born to unfavourable circumstances, and similar to Hakari who described the strong looking down at others as if they were dirt. And achieving so much like a rising from the ashes. We also see him glorified as the strongest of all time now.

And it reinforces the “unreachability” (made up a word here) and how it was an impossible task in the first place.

The message being: How can Gojo reach someone who does not want to be reached? This cycles back to what he said to Yaga when Geto left. He cannot save anyone who does not want to be saved by others.

If Sukuna was the lotus, and was a beautiful flower in strength that defied odds to bloom in the murky depths of dirt - he certainly isn’t pure as the flower symbolises, but he certainly is some kind of divinity. But I really don’t want to glorify Sukuna.

I prefer the interpretation of the lotus being Gojo or those around him, but narratively, it is simply possible he is describing several people’s parallels here with how solitude accompanies being strong. Sukuna is like the unreachable Enlightened One. Yet, he strangely doesn’t seem to have a solid sense of identity - there is no “I am the strongest” that Gojo embraces, not that this is anything to hinge one’s identity upon, as it is part of Gojo’s problem.

And yet this still brings us to what Gojo wanted to reach Sukuna with aside from a demonstration of his skills. Does Yuta have anything to add to this, as the next Gojo Satoru?

Yuta, if we can appeal to his character for parallels in messages, and if we can consider him The Strongest 3.0 asked Uro - don’t you have a lover or friends? Implying that if one fights so desperately for their own sake, it reaches a dead end fairly quickly. Just WHO are you fighting for, and doesn’t fighting for yourself get a little old after decades?

Even Toji (without his soul when ressurected) instinctively ended his rampage at the sight of what his reason for living was, his son, albeit he cared for Megumi in a very dodgy roundabout way, fearing his closeness would ruin / stain his son. I’m reminded here of how Geto’s body reacted to Gojo’s voice; momentarily seizing Kenjaku by the throat.

Somehow the bond between Gojo and Geto is marking its significance again, isn’t it? They all had reasons they fought for, and through the many evidences of these, we are allowed insight into recurring ones that may hold more significance than others. You know, like: my students are watching, let’s schedule it on the 24th of December.

These are important things to gojo, he is also showing Sukuna what he doesn’t have. He didn’t need to live like a cursed object for decades, etc and his significance doesn’t die when he does. Yes, a big part of Gojo had craved this “all out” but as he lives his life and engages in the battle, all the pieces of WHY, WHO, and WHAT he is wielding power for start to surface.

As the reader we are finding these Easter eggs along with him, because the narrator and Gojo don’t disclose this openly. Gojo has people modelling this for him throughout his short life, and he seems to be quick on the uptake, despite preaching about strength. Maybe he isn’t terribly aware, but he knows more than he lets on - Gojo had a persona.

We probably can say the same about the “I’d win” scene that pretty much foreshadowed his defeat. That kind of a Champion enters the ring without fighting talk?

The scene depicting him reflecting upon his first ever defeat showed him to be chasing a “high” of satisfaction from going all out and fulfilling the itch of Boredom and Loneliness that plagues the unimaginably strong. Pursuing and honing his skill, getting stronger and stronger, drew him further and further away from anything meaningful - ending up in a state where he never really gets the satisfying release he craves.

Like a runner who is only allowed to run at 5kmph for a short distance; an artist who isn’t able to paint their desired masterpiece; a singer whose voice can only whispered to an audience; the strongest weightlifter who can only utilise 20% of his max strength... How terribly dissatisfying.

How stifling it is to have such a limitation. And yes, his skill is limitless. How ironic indeed - the repression, the impotence strength imposes.

And while we are on skill/technique names, others have pointed out before - unlimited void? What a perfect description of what felt meaninglessness / existential emptiness is.

The underside of this however was how it also alluded to the possibility that he was going to experience another enlightenment - but of a final kind of his physical form. It implies he was tired from his isolation or that there was at least no remedy for it, and therefore his present sense of fulfilment was to engage in battle and enjoy it - although he recognised signs of defeat - it would be satisfying as he could go all out or die trying.

It would fulfill the purpose of his existence as The Strongest contender anyway. He, could be the victor, or the pawn, who plays his part in the universe. His reigning time as the champion needed to be defended with dignity anyway. It reminds me of his conversation with Megumi about death and being selfish.

I mean, that's just imbued with meaning there. A whole post needs to be dedicated to It, and I'm not the subject matter expert by a long mile. Gojo’s bottom line was that strength did define him; he was born with it.

Watching Megumi possibly minimise his worth and clip his wings without pursuing / living up to his potential may be a waste, as a person who inherited the skills that took their ancestors down. However, the selfish path may not be for everyone.

Other writers’ meta I’ve read seem to touch on this too - that Gojo unwittingly became a form of the old Jujutsu world himself due to being a product of it himself, but he did do his best by his students to inspire change. This, to me, speaks volumes about him entrusting them to live out their paths upon his passing - what could he do in death, anyway? He taught them the importance of accountability and his own version of the truth - that power and strength - living to your potential is certainly one way of living, and they can expect to die alone, so make the most of their youth!

We witnessed Gojo making preparations for the match, following setting the date on 24th December. How romantic of Geto, to try and either seek Rika in jjk 0 or die to Gojo’s hand - and then now, Gojo, who may mourn Geto again, or die trying on the same day. It begs the question: was he also secretly at peace with the possibility of dying to Sukuna? At not being the strongest? It seems that him being a pragmatist (or “resignation man” as Gege apparently once put it) he would find some peace, especially since he was Geto in the afterlife and could see that his soul wasn’t trapped in his physical body or something - their corpses could be left to the living and Shoko, which seems to be the faithful stance they both take in trusting the living to “carry on” their respective teachings.

Nevertheless, Gojo is trying to reach Megumi here. But as the incredibly gifted, talented, and strongest - albeit as cursed as it is to be afflicted with it all, Gojo may not empathise with the struggles of the weaker. It is reminiscent of how he approaches the battle with Sukuna in the first place. He was challenged and he accepted.

A sport. That's not to say he lost sight of the bigger picture - we saw Gojo making preparations for a possible reality where he does not return.

Unfortunately, his skills also lend towards fighting alone, unless they were back-to-back with him. (I still hold onto the belief he and Geto could be a dynamic duo). Which Sukuna also used against him in their match in order to not get hit. Gojo has never learnt what it would be like to fight with others and it's old-fashioned egoist rules about matches when viewing it as a sport rather than of survival. But, Gojo had changed enough to feel he could reach Sukuna and had desired to impart something - maybe to have significance or be regarded by an equal - once again - for this would be of utmost satisfaction for him to receive.

He had learnt a whole lot about things in his short life. He did well. In a final battle of 3 vs 1? Against Sukuna in the body of Megumi and the 10 shadows that his ancestors had died to? That’s already unprecedented. But strength aside, Gojo had reached many people and it’s time for him to pass on the baton and be where he wants to be, in the version of himself where he is the happiest.

Gojo admits to being wrong about dying alone, further listening to how Nanami and Haibara reflected on the former's death betting on the future seemed to solidify some kind of understanding for him.

That he didn’t have regrets either. He, too, fought for a purpose beyond seeing satisfaction of being strong; it just became evident as it surfaced to his awareness. With his six eyes, he couldn’t see everything. With limitless, he couldn’t reach it all either. Even if you have everything, you can’t do anything. It is not enough to just be strong. And Gojo wasn’t just strong in the end.

He may or may not have reached Sukuna, but maybe, just maybe, in being wrong about dying alone, the necessity for everyone to be both selfless and selfish, was enough for Gojo. To reach and arrive at: Acceptance.

Seems pretty good to me, to be at peace.

—

“The absolute strongest, the loneliness that follows, the one who will teach you about love is... “

Yorozu’s haunting words.

Gojo is not the strongest anymore

Gojo didn’t feel lonely anymore

The one who will teach has taught him about love is...

You, Geto Suguru. It started with you, and it ends with you.

—

Yes, sound the alarm! It's satosugu brainrot headcanon.

Gojo seems to be saying, and I’ll phrase this as if he were speaking to Geto in his mind’s voice:

Yes, I was undeniably the strongest; until I wasn't. It was a fun fight. My students are my legacy; I trust them to take it from here too. They know they have the permission to be selfish. I trust that they have their own wisdom to know the difference; it is up to them now. I did my best to change the world that let us down in our youth; and fostered and shielded those under my care as best as I could with what I had. I think they had some good memories; I sought to give them a flavour of what we had, preserving the treasure that it was for us. I was never the teacher type, but I wanted to do something and clung onto a dream you and I shared.

I responded to others who loved me and surrounded me for my strength (living creature); but for me as a human, I am undeniably greedy and longed, pined for you (the only one who saw me: Satoru). You held the space as my one and only. I let you go back then in Shinjuku, and couldn’t let your body go when you died, and you came back as a puppet... I didn’t get to mourn you, but here we are: dying on the same date a year apart. Others still don’t quite get me (like Nanami and Haibara) but they understand the creature that is a part of me. They accept me; in itself, it’s enough, for a part of it is true.

As for the rest of me: you complete me with your understanding of me; parts of me that I don’t see or have forgotten. Just as unchanging as it was before, I’ve only ever needed you to satisfy me (and ease my solitude) ; no matter who filled the space around me, your absence spoke the loudest, because your presence alone would have been the most profound - I’d have felt satisfied / complete.

And yes, I am 100% romanticising here. Unashamedly!

—

A more pragmatic take would be:

He could be quite simply implying that he carried a guilt for the longest time and the one thing he couldn't achieve was to bring his best friend back home to Jujutsu High. I mean I adore Teacher AU and I'm totally open to this more shonen interpretation too.

The finale was as he entered the other land, in a dreamlike state, he sees Geto, remembers he’s tasked Shoko to tell Megumi, demonstrating he has infinite faith in the next generation to survive, and it’s sufficient, it seems, to have a death without regret.

We see Sukuna offering recognition of his skill and existence after he is slashed, laying on the floor, as it begins to snow. A small smirk appears that seems to also mirror the same on his expression in the cover of volume 26. Satisfaction. Gojo might’ve been a worthy opponent and reached Sukuna in that regard after all; maybe love was not his lesson to teach Sukuna. He has died a noble death befitting of a warrior to be surrounded by camellias.

Gojo Satoru passes onto the afterlife and heads south.

—

It’s controversial somehow; it is both enough, and leaves me wanting more. Here’s to hoping it’s not the last of Gojo (or Geto).

Maybe I did just want to dream a little. Thanks for reading if you made it this far. My tapestries tend to get quite complicated, and I wouldn’t blame anyone if they bailed!

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callmewrinkles3 · 8 months

Text

I Can See You - DR3 x Fem!OC

Masterlist

Summary: The world feels like it’s ending, but one thing is for sure. Em knows that Dan isn’t going to leave her behind, no matter what’s going on. So she’s going to follow him wherever they go.

Warnings: covid-19, pining, pandemic talk, visa worries, unrequited love.

Wordcount: 8.9k

A/N: Guess who’s back! Apologies for the delay, it’s been a weird time for us. But we’re back and we hope this more than makes up for the delay. Let us know what you think!!

March 2020

Em really had no idea how she let Dan convince her to come up to his driver room and close the door behind her. It was the first proper day back in the paddock at a race weekend, one of the if not the busiest weekend for him thanks to his home race, but even with all of that happening he wanted her. Dan wanted her right there against the wall in that tiny room, not caring that the world was outside waiting for him.

She had no idea what excuse he invented or what lie he’d said, she really didn’t care even though she should have known it so she could confirm when she went downstairs. But he was one of the few people who could make black and yellow look so good, mixed with his longer than normal hair and the stubble that had her rubbing her legs together under her dress. He carried himself with complete confidence as he walked through the paddock, Em beside him holding her iPad and ever present bag. It had her daydreaming about what Dan was going to do to her once they were back at the hotel, helped along with his cocky smile and the way he winked at her every single time he caught her eye. It made her need to bite her lip and stare at her tablet, forcing the flush that wanted to fill her cheeks down. It didn’t stop her underwear getting ruined thanks to the little touches that had her in the palm of his hand. Hours of Dan putting an arm around her shoulder during breakfast, a hand on her waist as he walked by, running his fingers along her thigh under the table when they had lunch.

When Dan said he needed to run over his schedule for the weekend with her so they’d be left alone while the boys went to do something and his family sat in hospitality she decided to believe that they’d actually be doing work. She shouldn’t have, but she didn’t regret it in the slightest. As soon as the door was shut her back was against it, Dan’s lips moving along her jaw to her neck and down to her collarbones. As she groaned out his name his hands were on her ass, lifting her against him to wrap her legs around his waist. She should have known this would happen as soon as she decided to wear a dress that morning.

She had known that Dan wouldn’t be able to keep his hands off her, but she thought he would have glued himself to her when they made it back to the hotel. She never thought it would have been so soon. Em definitely didn’t think that he’d have dragged her alone when the paddock was buzzing and hospitality was full of people. But his impatience was just one of the reasons why he lifted her dress up before dropping to his knees in front of her. The other reason was the black knee length skater dress that she decided to wear.

She wanted to look good on her first day back at work. It was the first day of her first full season working as part of Dan’s team, and she wanted to look nice. The rest of the year she’d probably wear one of her Renault shirts and jeans, but at least that first day when she was working with some of Dan’s sponsors she wanted to look good and show she was there from Dan rather than the team. She really should have known that the dark material would have ended up bunched around her waist. But she didn’t think about consequences or rumours stemming from what she was wearing, or the rumours running around the paddock. She couldn’t, not when the man she loved more than anyone ever in her life was fucking her like it was the last thing he’d do in his life.

All she could feel was Dan’s lips against her skin and his hands holding her up by her ass. The noise of the paddock disappeared behind the sounds of their moans as Dan kept repeating her name while he buried himself deeper and deeper inside of her. There was no gap between where Dan ended and she began, his grin against her lips while she kissed him in a desperate attempt to keep quiet. Her fingers lightly pulled his hair, feeling the way he nipped at her lower lip in response. There was nothing as beautiful as the way Dan smiled at her just after they finished, probably moments away from being discovered but still happy and at ease with her.

They were an absolute mess and Em fully knew it, but she loved every single second of it. To see Dan so happy after the difficult first few months he’d had at Renault was everything. All she wanted was for him to be happy, and if hiding in a room just the two of them made him happy then it was perfect. Even if she knew everyone would think that they’d been having sex as soon as they stepped out of the room.

“We’re a mess,” Em whispered, kissing his temple as Dan hid his face in her shoulder to pepper her neck with kisses.

“You just say that because you’re dripping in no time?” He joked, winning a nudge from her shoulder dislodging his head as he stared up at her.

“You better clean the mess you made, sir.”

“Emmyyyyyy don’t call me that when we don’t have time to fully enjoy ourselves. But you know I always clean up after myself.”

It was one last kiss before Dan got Em back on her feet, tugging some tissues from the box on the table to clean her up. It was something he did every single time, kissing Em’s legs while he made sure she was ready to go. Once they were all dressed and looked presentable again Dan pulled Em into a hug before she could open the door. She had no idea where it came from but she wasn’t going to complain at all if they got an extra minute or two. She hugged him back, resting her head against his chest as he held her tightly and she pushed a kiss just over his heart like she did every single night before she fell asleep. The spell was broken by a harsh knock on the door, the two of them stepping apart as if they were doing something illegal.

She couldn’t help but smile when Dan kissed the tip of her nose after she rubbed the tiny trace of light pink lipstick left on his lips. One of the magical things about them was that they were able to have an entire conversation without saying a single word. It was one of those situations, giving each other a nod to know they were ready to go. Em took five seconds to straighten her skirt and grab her iPad while she shook her hair out to make it look like it was artfully messy, not like it was sex hair. Dan ran a hand through his curls and fixed his shorts and then they were ready to pretend that they’d actually been working and talking about the driver’s briefing happening in an hour. When Dan opened the door she was ready to see any of Dan’s family on the other side, but the last person Em expected to see was Michael. Considering the look on Dan’s face he wasn’t expecting to see him either. Em pretended it was completely normal, throwing a “hey Mikey” over her shoulder as she left the room with the two men in it. She also pretended that she didn’t hear the “what the fuck, mate?” coming from Michael behind her.

She had no idea if what they were doing was obvious or not and she honestly didn’t care. All she did for the rest of the day was work, meeting the CEO of GoPro and bringing him around hospitality and talking to him about how Dan would be out shortly. It was easy to pretend that the most popular man in the city hadn’t been on his knees for her earlier.

Em kept convincing herself that it wasn’t their fault for what was happening. They’d spent literally every single day together since she’d asked Dan if he was still ok with her travelling with him after Monza. Every night they shared a bed. And if all of that wasn’t enough she’d spent most of the Christmas break all over him in Australia. The same way he had the year before he took her to a rented beach house a two hour drive away so they could be alone for a couple of days. There was no people, no distractions - not even her work iPad. It was summer days spent mostly naked and in bed all over each other. Even when they were on the farm it was the two of them back together alone unless Isaac or Isabella were staying with them. When they were with family or friends they said they were just friends, a facade that barely lasted long enough for them to be alone again.

There was no going back to reality after that trip. There was no stopping what they were doing when they went back to London and Dan didn’t even attempt to go back to his apartment, ordering takeout for them to be delivered to Em’s apartment. Even in testing in Barcelona she spent more time in Dan’s room than even pretending to be in her own. They were happy to be in their little bubble, and considering the bad news that kept coming from the real world Em was more than happy to stay there.

The news about coronavirus was getting louder and louder, and even in the paddock the rumours were spreading about McLaren and Haas staff. It was going crazy and Em hated it. Her anxiety was spiking every time a well meaning person started trying to ask about it, news from Italy that Ferrari staff had mentioned sounded hellish. Dan was the only one who was really able to keep her grounded. He made the noise go away, helping her to stay optimistic even though it felt like the world was falling apart.

As soon as they were back in the hotel she could feel herself getting more and more worried. There were rumours from home that the Premiership was going to stop matches from taking place, Austria, Ireland, Italy, and Spain had all announced that schools and offices should close. The whole day rumours about the race and the season being cancelled had spread like wildfire, and McLaren pulling out because of the positive case terrified her. Nobody would confirm anything, instead waiting for last minute information to arrive which caused the rumours and speculation to get louder and louder. It felt like more and more sports were cancelling their seasons, it felt logical for F1 to cancel theirs too. But the FIA and logic didn’t go together so there was no news. She wouldn’t have been surprised if they decided to keep going.

Dan kissed her head before going to take his shower, and Em turned on the tv for a few minutes. Five seconds later she wished she hadn’t. The news was talking about rising cases and numbers of ill and dying people in new countries. It was travelling before people realised and people were dying so fast it was terrifying. More countries were telling people to go home and talking about closing borders and stopping flights. New Zealand were organising flights to get citizens home.

That’s when the fear started to kick in, but she buried it down so she could get through dinner with everyone. She wasn’t Australian. Everyone she cared about was - Dan, his family, Blake and Michael who’d basically become brothers to her in everything except name - but she wasn’t. Dan made jokes that she was an honorary Aussie thanks to her trips to Perth, but it wasn’t true. Her passport was British, she was close to running up on the time she was allowed to be in Australia for on her visitor visa, and she’d have to leave. She’d have to go home on her own. She forced herself to calm as she changed, turning off the tv and putting one of her true crime podcasts on to make her get through the evening.

Once the mains were finished at dinner, Em excused herself and left earlier than she normally would. She wanted to see them, loved having Isabella on her lap as she ate one handedly because the little girl was clingy, but she was exhausted. Em spent too long yawning over her plate and felt terrible about it. The beginning of the season was always stressful, and that plus the jet lag because they didn’t get to have time in Perth before the first race, and not knowing what she was going to do was exhausting her. The uncertainty of not knowing if she’d get to stay with Dan felt like a nightmare. It was hugs and kisses goodnight, apologising again for being tired, and Em got in the lift back up to their room from the hotel restaurant. She got into a quick shower, not bothering to wash her hair but wanting to get the grime of the day off, before putting clean underwear and a tee on.

Dan somehow always knew when Em really needed him and that night was no different, Dan opening the room door ten minutes after she’d gotten under the duvet.

“What are you doing here?” Em asked, muting the ABC News channel as he pulled his shirt off.

“We were all heading up anyway, Mum told me to go to bed cause I’m up early in the morning. Renault PR texted me a new schedule, they want me at the track for seven thirty.”

It screamed an excuse to Em, no text from Renault who would usually send it to her first, but she wasn’t complaining. He went into the bathroom to brush his teeth and Em unmuted the tv, eyes staring at the rising European case number graphs.

She started to feel her heart rate rising with the terror of what was going on, but before she knew what she was doing the bathroom door was open and Dan slipped into the bed beside her, arms around her and pulling her close. Her back was against his chest while his hands were warm against her stomach and it felt like the world had disappeared. Even if it was only for a few moments.

“What did we say about you watching the news after dinner?” He murmured as he pushed kisses to her jaw. Em closed her eyes to feel the sensation, the smell of the shower gel he’d stolen from her surrounding them as she began to relax.

Dan was right. They had a deal that involved Em not watching the news at night. She could watch any true crime documentary or crime show that existed and she could sleep like a baby, but the news gave her nightmares and stopped her usually not great sleep. Dan said it was because she was so empathetic and that was why it happened. But whatever caused it, they made a deal after one particularly bad night when Dan woke to Em sobbing and shaking in her sleep.

“I know. I just…the world is falling apart. It’s terrifying. I’m scared, Danny.” It was hard for her to admit that to him and he just pulled her closer.

“It won’t fall apart, Emmy. It’s getting crazy out there but it won’t be that bad.”

“Maybe not. But they’re talking about Australia closing their borders. What if I have to go back to London alone?” Her voice cracked and she hated it but there was nothing she could do about it.

“I go back with you.”

“Dan-”

“I go back with you. There’s no discussion about it, we say goodbye to people and we go back together. But it won’t happen, right? We won’t be separated. And no more news for you, little miss. C’mon, did you take your melatonin? Let’s go to bed.”

The mix of a melatonin gummy, sheer exhaustion, jet lag, and Dan’s hugs and kisses on her forehead had Em falling asleep in no time. For a race weekend that was a miracle. When she woke up there was a moment of absolute bliss where she could forget about the world outside their bed. All she had to be aware of was that the handsome man snoring by her side was her Danny. Too soon the alarm on his phone went off too loudly in the silent room and it was back to reality and the mess that was the world. On any day she would say she wanted to stay in bed with Dan rather than go to a busy paddock. There was nothing she liked less than strangers pointing cameras and phones at them, asking for Dan’s autographs and Em getting looks from jealous women when she wasn’t in team gear. There had been one confirmed case in the paddock and probably more. She didn’t want the man she loved there. She didn’t want his family there, she didn’t want their friends there. She didn’t want to be there. But if Dan was going, she was going.

She could tell how Dan didn’t want Em or his family in the paddock either. Trying to convince everyone else to stay in the hotel or do something away from the paddock full of people was surprisingly easy. It was still unclear if there’d be a race or not so she watched as he told his family not to go. If it did happen they could come for Saturday and Sunday and the fun parts, but they didn’t need to be there for just practices on Friday. But while he was trying to convince them she could tell that he was trying to find a way to convince her too. The gears were whirring behind tired eyes, she could practically see his brain working overtime. He was overthinking all of it, but no matter what he said her answer was going to be the same.

“So I was thinking you could stay here with everyone? Pack our things in case we need to leave fast?”. Em wanted to laugh. She really didn’t think he would try an excuse like that. At least she thought that he’d try a smoother excuse, but really nothing was good enough. Especially considering she had a job to do. She was just glad he waited for Michael and Blake to get up from the table to get coffees for everyone.

“Do you really think I’m letting you go without me?” Em didn’t even lift her head from the email she was reading to respond. She knew that if she looked up he’d give her the big brown puppy eyes and he’d try convince her, so instead she swapped to the schedule for the day. Covid or not she was sticking to it till she was told otherwise.

“There’s not gonna be much to do anyway. You may as well stay here.”

“You’ve seen the news, Dan. What if there’s a case and they lock the paddock down? Or the hotel? What if we get separated and I can’t get back to you?” She bit the bitter taste of panic back as she looked at him at last, worry filling his face.

“Hey, I’m always gonna come back to you. Always. Forget what I said, ok? We’ll stick together. We’ll figure it all out later.”

“Just keep me by your side. Please? I…Danny just promise me you won’t leave me alone.” Asking it felt impossible but his smile lit her insides up in a ridiculous way.

“I’m never gonna do that.” She let the breath she didn’t know she was holding out and smiled.

“You mean it?”

“I promise.” Dan grabbed her hand, squeezing it under the table. “You know, right?”

“I know.” It was quiet between them until Em spotted Blake on his way back with two cups of coffee in his hand, needing to have conversation so the mood wasn’t so heavy. “What did you do last night when I fell asleep? You look tired.”

“Nothing really. You know what I’m like before the first race of the season, I couldn’t sleep straight away. Plus you looked too cute so I was a creep and watched you sleep.”

“Silly. Thanks, though.”

They held hands extra tightly that morning on the way to the circuit. Dan acted like he didn’t care about Blake and Michael sitting in the front seats, and if she was honest with herself Em really didn’t care about them either. The world was falling apart but Dan was holding her hand and they were together. He’d promised that he wasn’t going to separate from her or let someone take her away. She may not believe in much, but she believed in Dan when he gave his word. Especially to her.

It was probably anxiety and a little bit of paranoia, but Em spent the drive insisting she was fine staying in Dan’s driver room to work rather than down in hospitality. Her anxiety was too high for her to be happy around people so staying alone and in the quiet was better. At least until there was definite news about what was happening. Dan didn’t discuss it either, just pushing kisses to her knuckles as they drove through the Melbourne traffic. As soon as they pulled into the parking spot the just friends persona came down over both of them, letting go and Em getting into her professional mode.

Like any other Friday she took a deep breath while she walked with Blake, Dan and Michael in front of them waving to the Netflix cameras and Dan giving autographs. It was little waves from afar as they reached the black hospitality, Michael going to check the garage and make sure an icebath was ready and Blake going to check for some visitors. Dan walked up to the room with her, holding the door open and watching as she got settled in.

“You should go chat to Cyril, see if the FIA have any news or made a decision. Then there’s a PR meeting with Esteban in 20, and after that it’s ESPN, Dazn, Sky, and Channel 4. In that order.” She felt like she was put together as she talked but turning to see Dan made her feel like she wasn’t.

“Everyone’s gonna ask about coronavirus, right?”

“Probably, it’s all anyone’s talking about. PR will give you the line to use, it’ll be something along the lines of ‘as long as all precautions are taken then we should be safe to race’.” Dan rolled his eyes while shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

“Can I get a hug before I go?” She hadn’t even opened her arms when he pulled her close, Em standing between his legs as he leaned against the massage table.

“I’ll be here if you need me, I’m a text away Danny. But you need to go.”

“Just a minute.” It was more kisses pushed to her forehead and ear before he whispered his plans. “I’m getting us to Perth if shit goes bad. Us on the farm, you can break in the new kitchen fully cause we didn’t have long over Christmas.”

Em froze. It felt so perfect to her, the two of them on the farm together, getting to relax and be together and happy. It was too good to be true. Literally. “I can’t. My visa, I don’t have much time on it because of how long I’ve been here. I have to go back.”

“Fixed it.” She shot her head up to look at him. “Under special circumstances it can be changed to twelve months instead of three, so I applied for it for you last night.”

“What?”

“Nobody is taking you away from us. I’m not letting it happen. Blake and I talked already, if it doesn’t get approved we’re going back to London. You’re not going alone.” She knew the awe was on her face from his words. Her sweet, brilliant man who had fixed her worries without even knowing about them. Before she knew what to say his phone started ringing.

“Dan…”

“I can’t, Emmy. I can’t let it happen. I promised earlier that I’m not gonna leave you alone, and I mean it. I’m not leaving you.”

“Dan! Your phone.” She nudged him at the vibrating device, Michael’s name on screen.

“Leave it.”

“Want me to answer?” He nodded and she picked it up, holding onto him as she slid the answer bar.

“Hey Michael, it’s Em…he’s got his hands full at the moment, I’ll fill him in. We’ll meet you in hospitality in ten, is that ok? Perfect, see you there.” She hung it up, putting it back down on the massage table and holding onto Dan. “Danny?”

“Yeah?” His voice was flat and she knew that he knew what she was going to say.

“The race is officially cancelled.”

“Good.” His hands gripped her tighter, pulling her into him. Em nuzzled against his chest, holding onto the one solid thing in her world before asking what they were doing. “Five minutes of this. Then the hotel and pack. There’s a plane on standby out in Avalon to take us all home. Than the farm. I figure we’ll have to separate from most people, but we can do it.”

“Sounds good to me.” She moved a curl from in front of his eyes, realisation filling her. “That’s why you didn’t sleep last night.”

“I needed a plan.” His head was nuzzled into her neck as he spoke and she just held him to give all the comfort she possibly could. “You still should have told me.”

“I got it. You don’t need to worry, I’m making sure you’re ok. If the world as we know it is ending then it ends with us together, right?”

She should have sent him out to see what was going on, either going with him to work out what they were doing next or packing the little bits that had been taken out of their bags. She should have been finding Blake and Michael. But she just couldn't let him go. His words were echoing in her head, running wild and all she could do was kiss Dan as he held her. It wasn't even the start of a makeout session, just enjoying what was going to be one of their last moments alone. Small kisses with their lips pressed against each other, holding on together. The farm was big but if the boys were staying with them then privacy was going to be out the window in no time. There'd be no shared bedroom, nothing like they had, and she'd have to quickly get used to it. She loved the boys but if they had to stay locked down for days or weeks like the news out of Europe was saying then she might go insane.

Like almost every time they had some privacy in a paddock there was a knock on the door to interrupt them. Dan called for whoever was there to come in, not untwining himself from Em. His hands were under her shirt, glued to the skin on her waist as they were in each others arms. They needed that closeness and togetherness that only they could provide for each other. That day it didn't matter who was coming in and would see them like that. She heard the rumours from the paddock, people thinking they were together. Most of Renault knew that there was something going between them, but the team kept their secret. It wouldn't be strange for any of them to see them together. She never went around holding hands or hugging closely, but nobody was ever surprised to see Dan hanging out of her.

But it wasn't a random member of Renault staff, it was Michael who opened the door and stared at them. She'd known him for more than two years and Em knew that he wasn't happy looking at them.

"What's up? I thought I said we were meeting in a couple of minutes?" She lifted up slightly from Dan who kept a hold of her.

"Blake's looking for you." At that Dan let her go, Em pulling her black and yellow shirt down and turning around. "Not you, Em. He wants Dan."

"Cool, hospitality?" Michael nodded and Dan squeezed Em's hip briefly. "Get your stuff ready cause we're leaving as soon as we can. Will you call Mum and Dad for me and tell them to pack up? Please?"

"I'm on it, I'll tell them we'll see everyone in the hotel in an hour? That way the kids don't get too confused. I've got your backpack and the rest of your things."

"Thanks, Emmy."

"Go. Take care out there, yeah? Don't touch anything unless you have to."

It was one last hand squeeze and a wink that his heart wasn't in as he left the room, Michael following quickly behind him. Em was completely confused while she packed their things, picking up phone chargers and one of Dan's hoodies to put into his bag. She had no idea why Michael looked so mad when he saw them cuddling. As little as she liked remembering it he had literally walked in on them in China the year before. He knew that they were sleeping together but he seemed like it was a surprise to see them like that. She'd been clear about where she was going to spend the day, and Dan had insisted he'd come check on her whenever he could. Thinking about his reaction just made her sad, so instead she finished getting the bags together. Hotel, pack her suitcase, make sure she hadn't left anything behind, and to the plane. She could do this. She could do it.

A quick phone call to Grace to fill her in on Dan's plans was the first thing she did once she packed, giving the heads up for everyone to pack up and be ready. It was a last double check of everything before putting Dan's backpack on one shoulder and Blake's on the other, her handbag over her elbow. She possibly could have managed Michael's bag too, but she decided to be petty. If he was going to act annoyed when he had no reason to be then she was leaving his stuff behind.

Like they promised they were all back at the hotel within an hour, heading straight up to pack. It was as she was zipping up her case that she realised the one thing she'd forgotten. Blake.

He wasn't from Perth. He wasn't even from WA. He was from the east coast, spending his holidays with family there. And now she was planning on escaping to Perth and what was her brother going to do? She relied on him to keep her sane in work and her private life. Dan came up behind her as she pushed down on the case, staring at it.

"Emmy? What's up?"

"I...eh. What's happening with Blake? Is he coming to the farm too? Or is he going home?"

"Do you want him to come with us?"

"Yeah," It was hard to say, Dan grabbing her hand as she did. "What if he's far away and something happens to him? Or us? Is it selfish?"

"It's not selfish, he's worried about us too. I'm pretty sure he wants to come anyway, lemme call him." She watched Dan ring Blake, the phone barely ringing before Dan blurted out his plan. The smile made Em relax, Blake was coming with them. It was going to be fine.

As soon as the suitcases were packed everyone was down in the lobby, multiple cars there to bring them all back to the airport. Em was texting Cyril with one hand, getting details about how everyone was getting out of the country before it was too late. The other hand was kept by Dan, pushing kisses to their interlaced fingers the same way he did when there was nobody around. It was Blake on the front seat with the driver as they finally made it out to the airport. A private jet was there on the tarmac awaiting their arrival.

It was surreal to her that getting onto a private jet was now normal, but it was. The plane was bigger than the one she'd been on before, more than enough room for the ten of them who were flying west. Em didn't exactly plan to sit next to Dan on the plane. It wasn't that she didn't want to - of course she did - but she figured she was better off leaving that seat for Michelle so she could talk to her brother before they were separated. Joe and Grace were already sitting on the other side of the table from Dan so she went to sit in the group of chairs across the small aisle from them. But Dan extended his arm out to pull her into the empty window seat, his bag reserving her place for her. He'd made jokes that she belonged beside him, but she never thought that he'd do something like this. It wasn't until Em nodded and went to sit in that he moved his bag, grinning like a kid who'd gotten exactly what he wanted.

She was just settled in, pulling a book out to read for part of the three hour flight when Isaac ran straight to her, arms up for her to pull him onto her lap. It had been so hard to explain to her nephew that they were going home but she couldn't see him for a couple of weeks. Explaining what was happening in the world felt impossible, so it was brought down to "everyone needs to stay at home for a little while, but we won't be able to see each other till then". He kind of understood what was happening, that he wouldn't get to come to the farm for a night even though Dan and Em would be there. He wasn't going to get to see them, so he took after his uncle and climbed onto Em's lap to get comfortable and cosy while he curled up with her.

"Can we has dinner tonight?"

"Have dinner, baby. And nope, not yet. We're gonna FaceTime for a couple of weeks."

"But you home!"

"I know. But it's to keep you safe. I promise we'll see you soon."

"Cuddle?"

"We can cuddle for the whole flight, promise."

Even though it was against almost every rule that existed in the history of aviation, Em didn’t put Isaac into his own seat as the door closed and takeoff began. Instead she took the blanket that the flight attendant offered her and spread it over them before fastening the seatbelt on top of them both, Her arms were wrapped around him for extra protection as he clung to her. She asked if he was going to nap during the flight, a shake of his head insisting that he was gonna stay awake. But she was comfy and safe to him, by the time the seatbelt sign switched off his breathing was deep and even against her. Ignoring her book she snuggled down into the seat, leaning her head against Dan and made herself try to get some sleep.

—

Dan wanted to melt with happiness and love as he watched the two of them fast asleep together. Em was against him on the seats and he put his arm around her so she could curl in and sleep. His mum took a photo of the three of them, a smile on her face as she showed it to him.

He wanted it so badly he nearly hurt thinking about it. He wanted his Emmy by his side every day, curled up against him no matter what the plane or car journey was. He wanted to watch her sleeping peacefully, get to hold her hand and kiss her forehead and chase away the sadness he saw in her nearly every day. He wanted a life and a home with her, matching rings and a wedding and marriage and to see her like this with their baby on her lap, not their nephew.

It used to be something he thought of as a maybe. As a if his partner wanted it he’d be interested, but that was it. He never thought settling down would be something that he wanted. And now looking at Em cuddling Isaac he knew he’d have a footie team with her if she wanted it. She just had to ask him and he’d retire there and then for her. He’d give it up and they’d pick somewhere to settle down and he’d change nappies and run around chasing kids with her eyes and wild curls.

He wanted to ask her. It was terrifying but he wanted it. Wanted to ask her to marry him as soon as they could get a date and to start trying for a family together. Spend lockdown making plans and trying for a baby. But he couldn’t do that to her.

Em was already struggling with the unknown future they were facing because of the coronavirus, it was unfair to ask her for anything. Especially such a huge change in their lives. Everyone had said that it was a two week lockdown and then things could go back to normal. He didn’t buy it though. It might be two weeks, it might be two months. He could be back racing at any point and he didn’t know. And if things went well and they got lucky? If he had to leave Emmy behind because she couldn’t travel with him he didn’t know what he’d do. Or if he missed something important because he had to race.

He couldn’t do it. Asking for this from Em when her anxiety was skyrocketing and they were facing a life without structure was unfair. She was already trying not to spiral, there was no choice here. No good choice. Yeah there was a chance, but he could feel it in his gut that it needed to be put on hold until they were more stable. There were more important things to do. Fix Em’s visa, stay in Perth, get through whatever was going on and finding out when things could start back up. Then he could plan their future. Baby steps. He fucking hated it, he wanted to run full force into everything he wanted, but he had to take baby steps to protect Em.

“She’s gonna be alright, you know that, right?” Blake leaned across the aisle to Dan, shaking him out of his thoughts.

“Huh?”

“Her visa. She’s gonna be fine, I did some digging, this is exactly what that visa is designed for. But if it’s not I’ve already emailed about getting a plane from Perth to London. We’ll need a fuel stop in the Middle East probably, but we can make it work.” It was the we that made Dan sit up a bit and look at him.

“You know you don’t need to come with us, right?”

“I know. But who’s gonna look after your messy arses if I’m not there? Or throw a book at the wall?”

“Oh fuck you!” He kept his voice low but his mum still heard, Grace giving him a glare. “Sorry, Ma.”

“Language, there’s kids on this plane.” She was smiling at his immediate apology, Dan just thankful that the kids were asleep.

“But seriously, thanks. You don’t have to do any of this.”

“You don’t have to thank me. I was thinking about it, if there’s something going on and you can’t go with her don’t worry about it, ok? I know you’ll be there as soon as you can be but I’ll be there and make sure she’s alright until you get back. She’s not gonna be alone.” It was the most serious he’d ever heard Blake in his life.

“I’m gonna be there. If she can’t stay in Perth then I’m not staying either. I made her a promise that I wouldn’t leave her side and I’m keeping it. Wherever she goes, I go. We’re a package deal now.”

“I get it but I wanted to make sure that you know I’m gonna be there for her. She’s my little sister, like you’re my brother.” Dan gave Blake a nod, emotion hitting him. It was gonna be ok. It had to be.

The flight passed quickly, Dan chatting quietly with his parents until Em woke up. They were interrupted by Michael coming up to him for a moment to double check that it was straight to the farm when they landed. He hadn’t thought that Michael would want to be with them there, but he nodded before realising what he was doing.

Once Em woke up she snuggled against him even more, chatting with Grace and Joe about their plans while playing with Isaac and his favourite toy cars on Dan’s chest. Dan didn’t say much, watching Em as she smiled and made vroom vroom noises while playing with Isaac. Every few minutes he’d run his fingers over her hair or kiss her forehead and she’d curl into him even more. It was rare for Em to let her guard down enough to cuddle him in front of everyone, but especially after Isaac after New Years.

They’d snuck inside at midnight to share a kiss while everyone else was watching the fireworks go off. He’d grabbed her hand to pull her into the kitchen for some privacy. He wanted to get a proper kiss from his girl and cuddle her and wish her a happy new year, so they were hidden in the kitchen with Em sitting on the counter and Dan standing between her legs sharing soft kisses. They were too caught up with each other and saying they needed to go back out but it was one more kiss. Then five more kisses. Then a hug. The bangs from the fireworks and Isaac’s tiny feet meant they never heard him coming or going from there.

It wasn’t until Michelle told Dan later that night how her son went running to her to tell her excitedly “I SAW UNCLE DANNY AND AUNTIE EMMY KISSING!”. He thought it was hilarious but Em was mortified and refused to go near him around his family again. He hadn’t seen them so close since that night, but Isaac didn’t say anything. Dan wasn’t sure if he’d forgotten or was happy playing with Em, but he was glad nothing was mentioned. He just listened to the giggles Isaac made while Em tickled him, looking across at baby Isabella in her mother’s arms and feeling that longing again.

He just wished he could stay on that plane forever, stop time and be there with his favourite people. He had no idea when he’d get to have the ten of them together in one room. He didn’t know when he’d get to see his parents, his sister, his brother in law and his niblings. Not knowing when the next time he and Em would pick up Isaac one afternoon to take him out was eating him. He wanted to turn up in the afternoon after Isaac’s nap, take him out to the playground and dinner before bringing him to the farm and spending the night with him. The lazy days the three of them had on the farm, Michelle making jokes about how it was their trial run to be parents to him and him warning his sister not to say it to Em.

But instead the plane went inevitably towards Perth, Dan looking out the window as they landed. It was sunny while they taxied to the private terminal, everyone stepping off as the luggage was unloaded. Finally he hugged his family goodbye, watching as Em did the same and gave everyone an extra hug. It was to the farm, to make a plan for the next day and hold his girl because he desperately needed something normal. Anything.

He had to keep it together for Em because if he started tearing up then she would, and she’d barely be able to stop. She hated crying in front of him, crying in front of Michael and Blake in the front seat would have been unthinkable for her. So when he sat in on the back seat he took her hand from her pocket, feeling the metal toy she was clutching. Em turned her hand up, showing him Isaac’s toy car.

“He told me I need to give it back next time I see him.” Her voice was low and Dan just held her hand for the entire drive, the music playing washing over them as they got closer to the farm and safety from everything happening in the world. When they pulled up he brought everyone’s suitcases into the living room before standing outside. Em went and stood beside him, looking out over the land and holding his hand.

—

Michael could feel that he wasn’t particularly wanted on the farm. He’d said it to Dan because they didn’t know what was going on or what would happen in the future. They were probably exposed, and if any of them got coronavirus the last thing he wanted to do was pass it onto his family. He’d never forgive himself if he hurt his Nana with it. So instead he was locking himself up with Blake, Dan, and Em.

The idea of quarantining in a house that had plenty of space and land around should have been fun, especially with two of his best mates and the girl he liked staying there. Except said girl and one of said best mates were…something. He had no idea if they were a couple, if it was friends with benefits or love or what. He didn’t know what they called each other - he’d never heard them say they loved each other at least - but they were something. And for the first time they weren’t hiding whatever they were anymore. They’d been subtle for as long as he’d known them but now he was seeing them fully acting like a couple. It felt like a nightmare.

He still remembered that morning in China when Dan was running late. Knocking on the door and getting no response so opening it and seeing Em moving in Dan’s lap. He hated that his brain wouldn’t forget about her little gasps and moans and he hated even more how much he wished he was in Dan’s place right there. He tried to avoid it, he tried to pretend that he didn’t remember how she looked. He tried not to want her but it was impossible. She was a bright light and he was a moth completely attracted to her and unable to look away. Every single time he saw her and Dan beside each other he wanted to be in Dan’s place and it fucking sucked. He wasn’t sure if he regretted saying yes to her travelling with them but he couldn’t say no. Blake immediately said yes, so he had to as well.

He wanted to be the one to make her laugh, who she came to when she was cold and wanted to steal a hoodie, the one offering her his arm so she would snuggle under it during long flights. He wanted to be the one making excuses to sneak into her hotel room and inventing reasons to see her. Which was stupid and ridiculous.

But he also thought Dan was out of his mind for what he was doing with Em. He knew perfectly well what they were doing in that drivers room on Thursday, and in countless other drivers rooms. He knew that they weren’t talking about the schedule and he told Dan as much, that he needed to focus on work and driving and getting a contract for next year. The problem was Dan’s reaction to it. He insisted that he knew what he was doing and to not say a word to Em about their conversation. Fine by him, he never wanted to mention to Em that he knew what she and Dan were doing.

He couldn’t believe when it was happening again that morning as he walked in. He knew when Em was the one who answered the phone that they were together and hiding so he went up to get them moving. It was normal for them to act like there was nothing between them even though everyone knew, but finding them like that was weird. Dan being unfocused and tired on the first full day of a race weekend wasn’t something that happened. He didn’t know why, but Blake filled him in when he asked how they were going to work out Em’s visa situation. The two of them were on the back porch in the mid afternoon sun, staring out across the horizon. Home for the foreseeable future.

“Why do you think Dan barely slept last night? He spent it getting the change for her visa submitted before the DHA was overwhelmed with visas. If it’s denied then I’ve worked out how we’re getting back to London.” Blake sounded completely calm and it was ridiculous. The full impact of his words hit Michael there. Dan would do anything for Em. He put his career second and her first, he was picking her before everything and everyone else. And if Michael was honest with himself, he’d been doing it for probably a year.

“So they’re actually a thing now?”

“They’ve been a thing for like a year and a half, mate. You were blind to not see it.” They were the same words that Blake had used in China when Michael went straight to his door to tell him what he’d seen. But even though he already knew it was happening, it hurt a bit more this time. “It’s their thing, as long as it makes them both happy it’s a good thing.”

Michael wanted to be the one who made her happy. He wanted to have a ‘thing’ with her. He wanted to hold her the way Dan did, an arm around her waist and her head curled against him as he held her. He wanted to get to kiss her forehead and whisper how he felt to her, to show Em off to the world as the woman he wanted. But he had to settle for walking back into the house with Blake, their original conversation over and the two quiet.

It wasn’t until they finally got into the house and were sorting their bags that it hit him. There were three bedrooms and three beds. Either he or Blake were going to sleep on one of the couches, neither of them would make Em have to sleep out there. It was probably fairer to leave it up to chance instead of arguing, so he turned with his fist outstretched.

“Rock, paper, scissors to see who gets the bed?” He asked, but Dan interrupted before Blake even had the chance to answer.

“There’s two spare rooms, don’t fight. Nobody’s stuck sleeping on the couch and everyone gets some privacy,” he explained as if it was completely normal. Michael watched as he went back to Em and kissed her forehead before speaking again. Em looked like she was holding herself together through sheer determination and desperation. “I’ll grab our bags and put them in our room, yeah? You’ve got your carry on and handbag there?”

“I’ve got them, I’ll take them in. Want some tea before we lie down? I think we’ve still got some left from Christmas. I’m gonna need to make a list of what we need at the supermarket tomorrow, maybe do some online orders. Make a list of what one you want me to pick up.” Her smile at Dan was captivating, Michael staring and wanting her to smile at him like that.

“We’ll figure that out later, but please make me some. Thanks, Babe.”

“I’ll bring it into you, you need sleep. Do either of you want some tea, boys?”

The only thing Michael could do was shake his head no, pretending to busy himself with his backpack. There was nothing that could pass through the knot in his throat right then.

He knew Dan was a picky fuck when it came to his tea. He always insisted that nobody could do it like Em could, the three of them made jokes about how it was because she was British. But beyond all of that he never expected to see them sharing a room so openly and in front of people. They weren’t hiding and sneaking, they weren’t pretending they were just friends. They were like an honest to God couple who had been together for years.

As he watched Dan walk down the hallway to the master bedroom, Em heading into the kitchen and Blake getting his stuff together to put his things in one of the guest rooms it hit Michael like a punch to the gut. He had made a huge mistake telling Dan he was staying at the farm. But now there was nothing he could do.

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