#like i talked to him first bc i pitied him like what if he felt alone it was only his second day but boy literally could not stop talkingđ
real
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đđđđ„đšđźđŹ!đđđ
! đđĄđ«đąđŹ đ± đđ„đźđđ„đđŹđŹ!đđđ đđŹđ
prompt by this request: "chris getting jealous bc his bsf seems flirty with matt so he confesses his feelings and it ends with smutttttâ
contains: HELLA SMUTTT, Chris confessing his feelings, mad jealous Chris, dom!chris, suggestive, âflirtingâ w Matt??, Chris and yours first kiss, choking, spanking, degrading names (slut, whore yktv), MUCH dumification, use of pet names (mama, baby, sweetheart, good girl, pretty girl, sweet girl ), stomach bulge!, flashbacks of Chris fantasizing about you, overstimulation, cream pie, squirting, Chris having a massive cock obviously, missionary, slight m!oral, aftercare as always!! Heavy ( bath tg, praising, concerned!chris reassurance
a/n- this has been sitting in my drafts for a while so here it is
For years, since we were kids. Iâve always had a huge crush on my bestfriend.
I couldnât get over her no matter how hard I tried and it grew more and more especially since she lives in LA now and we see her almost everyday.
It got worse. So bad. I needed her
I remember seeing her in an orange bikini complimenting her gorgeous features. The way the bottoms hugged her curves making her ass pop out was enough to make me finish in my pants.
She was gorgeous, I wanted to have her badly but it was Nearly impossible fo get her alone.
Especially with Matt around. It pissed me off when Iâd see them laughing together or making tiktoks.
Thatâs my girl
I remember sitting in my room scrolling on instagram when I got the notification she posted on her story
Fuck she looked so good.
the way the grey shorts hugged her ass just how I liked, she looked so gorgeous too.
I, unintentionally started palming myself through my sweats.
I couldnât help it she had such an affect on me.
I pulled my sweats down revealing my boxers with a wet spot where my tip was.
âShitâ. I groan pulling them down fully as my dick slapped against my stomach begging to be touched, wishing it was her hand and not mine.
I began to stroke myself with shaky hands imagining it was her lips wrapped around me and I throw my head back against the pillows as my mind wandered
She was irresistible, I had to have her.
We always had a flirty thing going on and I didnât think it would get this far.
UntilâŠ
Today was on of those days where I was in the kitchen leaning on the counter drinking a Pepsi pretending to watch TV as I listen to her faint giggles as her and my fucking brother watched TV.
I felt my hand tighten around the can as I saw how close they were, knowing he didnât like her but I didnât care. I wanted her all too myself.
I sighed throwing my can out coming up with an idea to figure out a way to get her for me.
Matt and nick going to get food.
âhey Matt, wanna go get some food? Y/n likes this Chinese place itâs about an hour away, nick prob wants to goâ. I say smiling with a cocky grin and he rolls his eyes.
âOkay fine Iâll be back in like 4 fucking hours nick letâs go!â. Matt tells and Nick comes downstairs.
âY/n, youâre so lucky we love youâ. Nick says sarcastically and they walk out the house but fuck something about the way Matt looked at her before he left just made me more pissed off.
âChris?â. I stand up adjusting my shorts as the grey material rolled up my ass and my tank top hugged around my tits the watching Chrisâs eyes wander.
âWhat the fuck are you trying to do to meâ. Chris mutters into my ear, his hand wrapping around my neck and my breath hitches.
âW-what are you talking about?â. I shudder as his blue eyes pour into mine with an unhappy expression giving me a pity laugh.
âFlirting with my brother in front of me? Seriously?! Is it not obvious how much I want you?â. Chris confessed his nose touching mine making me gulp, my thighs closing together accidentally.
There was no doubt Chris was attractive but hell if I knew he liked me shit Iâd probably let him fuck me or something.
âYou? Want me?â I said slightly confused and utterly shocked and he takes a deep breath.
âyou have no fucking idea how much I want you, and I have no problem showing him that your my girlâ. Chris gave me a sly smile picking me up by my ass carrying me downstairs to his room.
âC-Chris wait-â. I was cut off by him kissing me and I melt into his touch. His hands grip my ass tighter making me gasp, his tongue massaging mine as I moan into the kiss.
âStripâ. He demands standing me up and I tilt my head. And he gives me those eyes and immediately comply beginning to peal of my clothes leaving me in a matching set of orange. Chrisâs favourite colour.
âFuck ma you look so pretty..all for me right?â He asks his hands playing with my bra strap making my panties dampen.
âYes Chris- all for youâ. I match his gaze and he smirked pushing me on the bed as I scooted back leaving him room to climb above me.
âYou have no idea how long Iâve been wanting to fuck youâ. Chris leaves a soft kiss to my cheek practically ripping my panties off me and I squirm.
âChris! I liked those!â. I whine and he rolls his eyes pulling down his sweatpants and boxers in one movement and his thick, and painfully hard cock springs out hitting his stomach and my heart beat picks up
how the fuck was that supposed to fit inside me?
Chris took in my nervous expression and let out a soft laugh placing his hands on my thighs
âSpread ur legs for meâ. He taps my legs and I spread them apart revealing my wet pussy, the arousal glistening on my inner thighs.
he runs a finger along my slit and I jolt slightly at the sudden sensation.
âshit- ur so wet, did i make you like this? Or was it my brotherâ. Chris asked tilting his head, his jawn clenched ans my breath hitched as he continued moving his finger.
âNo answer? Guess Iâll fuck the answer out of youâ. Chris pressed my legs against my chest before slamming his cock deep inside me, stretching me out painfully I almost couldnât take it.
âf-fuck Chris! T-too much!â. I stutter trying to push his hand away but he quickly slaps it away, using my legs as leverage to begin pounding my inside me.
Chris didnât give me time to adjust to his large size, tears already forming on my eyes from the pleasure.
âshit- your pussy feels so good, better than Iâve imaginedâ. He let out a deep groan watching how my pussy sucked him in, Chrisâs hips driving into mine as I squint my eyes shut.
âAlready becoming a mess on my cock? Shouldâve kept matt here so he could see how much of slut you are for meâ. Chris grips my neck angling his hips to thrust deeper and I squeal, my eyes meeting with his blues, an electric feeling shooting through me.
He wouldnât let up his pace, his cock plunging into my tight hole as the pain turned to pleasure thankfully as my cunt morphed to fit his dick.
And Chris was fucking right, I was a slut for him and I has tried to hide it this whole time by being innocent and flirtatious with his brother but the second I was underneath him, I was begging for him to touch me
âOh shitt- d-donât stop- fuckâ. I throw my head back on the soft pillows, moaning curses breathlessly, my tits bouncing with his quick and hard movements, bound to leave bruises between my thighs burning with sensation.
âmmph fuck- wasnât planning on it pretty girlâ. He moaned, completely infatuated with how I wrapped around him perfectly, like I was made for him. And shit- was he made for me.
She felt so good, almost as if her pussy and every thing about her was made for me.
I couldnât get enough of her, the Moans and squeaks of my name leaving her swollen lips couldâve made me cum on the spot.
the way she could barley form a sentence as I fucked her, and I wasnât even close to being done with her yet.
I was going to make sure she knew that she was mine, my fucking girl.
âChris-you feel so goodâ. She moaned my name again, turning me on much more than it shouldâve, the way her eyes barely opened, and how sheâd bite her and stare at me grasping her breasts.
âyeah? you like when I fuck you dumb like this? Canât even get a word out?â. I taunt, I gripped her neck tighter, her legs finding their way up on my shoulders crying out my name like itâs the only one she knew.
I couldnât even answer, the things he were asking me required my full attention and shit- I was so far gone.
âI suggest you answer me ma because your about to to cumâ. Chris presses his chest on mine, our noses touching as he breathed heavily into my mouth while I reciprocated the same action.
âmm-m I-fuck I-i love itâ. I shudder on each word, praying he heard me because I really could not talk right now. I squeezed my eyes shut and he chuckled seeing how speechless he fucked.
âGod I could listen to you like this all dayâ. Chris grunted into my ear as I felt the stomach coil I had began to burst unexpectedly from the overwhelming pleasure.
Chris made me squirt
âS-shit! Iâm sorry I-â. I shook as the fluids made a mess over his lower stomach but gasping as he didnât slow down.
âNever apologize that was hot as fuck- got one more in you?â. He pants resting his head on my shoulder quickening his pace and I whimper gripping his back.
âOh god Chris- I-I canâtâ. My nails run down his back making marks and he bites his bottom lip as I pulled him closer.
His hips pushing into mine, as my juices had coated his cock, leaking out of me creating a wet sensation of our sex.
âYou can take it baby, being such a good girl, fuck just one moreâ. He let out a shaky moan throwing a my leg around his waist and I let out a loud moan at the angle Chrisâs cock hit, brushing my g-spot.
âC-Chris ur so deep-â. I let out pornographic sounds and he gave me a deep kiss before pressing his hand where his dick was poking through.
his hand pressed down on the bulge in my stomach and I felt the tears run down my face from the overwhelming pleasure.
âthatâs all me baby- fuck I love ur pussy so much-â. He stutters throwing his head as hair sticks to his forehead, the sight was more than appealing.
His slightly parted lips producing whimpers, curses and moans of my name. The way he squeezed my hips making sure I could feel every thick inch of him and the sweat coating over his body.
Her lips parted releasing pants and moans of my name and the occasional âfuckâ, her hair now sweated out with hickeys along her neck and tits reminding her that she was mine now. The way her nails would grip my back drawing marks that showed how much she enjoyed it.
âOh shit- ma- can I cum inside you? Mâneed you so bad-â. He moans into my neck and I shiver and chant yesâs.
Chris released his seed inside me triggering a second hard orgasm for me, creaming his dick as my body shook.
I turned my head to lay on the pillow before he could catch a glimpse of me, slowly sliding his cock out of me.
He took one look at me and his eyes immediately shifted to one of concern
âwait wait shit- did I hurt you?â. Chris started, seeing how my legs shook from the orgasm I just had.
âplease talk to meâ. He cupped my cheeks and I gave him a soft smile.
âIâm fine Chris that was- shit- the best sex Iâve ever hadâ. I let out a quiet sigh and a smirk tugged at his lips as he pulled me into a bridal style hold.
âWell come on letâs get you cleaned up, I wanna spend time with my girlâ. He giggled like a child and I rolled my eyes as he carried me into the bathroom running a warm bath for both of us
âNo seriously tho your okay?â. He said softly rubbing my shoulders as we soaked in the warm tub.
âChris the way you put that dick on me Iâm more than okâ. I kissed his cheek and his cheeks flushed a bit as he leaned back against the tub whilst Iïżœïżœïżœm in his arms.
Sheâs really my girl.
@sturniolopowers @gdsvhtwa @rac00ns-are-c00l4 @worldlxvlys @chrisslut25 @princessbetsy123-blog @mattslolita @guccifrog @blahbel668 @mattsneezing @trickywritters @hearts4chriss @nonamegirlxsturniolo @luvmxtt @theyluv-meee @hoesformatt @luv4kozume-deactivated20240512 @kikisturnioloo @itzdarling @pepsiimaxx @babyddolly @iiheartstef @junnniiieee07 @vanteguccir @ast3ro1dzz @sturniolowhore @st7rnioioss @emma4eva @braindead4l @ihearttsyouu @kqyslyho3 @imaslut4kehlani @sturnsfav @sunsetsturniolos @sturniololoverr @gamermattsgf @lilyloveschris @dlyansworld @chrisloyalgf @soimightlikeoldmen69 @abbie13sworld @ineedchriscock @sturniol0s @chrissgirlsstuff @luhsexcbihh @nickgetsmewetter @rubyjaneaxx @love4chris
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The way in Charles death scene, Edwin is talking about how ghosts don't really experience the world with their senses, they can't really touch things, etc. (bc charles is about to die and he wants him to be prepared, Edwin oh boy)
And Charles immediatly answers. I'd miss kissing. Do you? And Edwin can't answer because he died without one, because he was gay and unable to even admit it to himself due to the time and place he was born into.
(how charles mind goes there so quickly, to an act of love, pleasure, warmth so different from what he has to be feeling right now)
The way Charles has that makeout session with Crystal and then tells all giddy to Edwin that he didn't really felt it physically but mentally it was good. He hasn't lost kissing after all even if it's different than if he were still alive. My god.
Charles is so very emotional and I bet when he was alive, also very much in touch with his body, for good or bad. It breaks my heart; he misses being alive, he wants to kiss and date. He's never going to last with Crystal because she's alive, but he's enjoying while it lasts. He's going to spent all his death and beyond with Edwin and one of the first conversations they had while he was dying was that he was going to miss kissing. He answers with wht is basically a not yet the love confession.
How does desire works for ghosts that don't have a physical body? It seems like the mind and the romantic attraction take the lead. (It's like the software for physical attraction is there even if the hardware is missing. Ghosts willing their bodies to act as the living do).
It's the way kisses are important to both of them in season 1, both as something never had before (Edwin) and something to miss and long for (Charles). When they kiss if we have a season 2 (or even 3 though I hope hey take pity and have them kissing in season 2 if it's greenlighted on light of Netflix sudden cancelations) I'm going to scream to my TV.
They're already together for what matters but the romantic/kissing aspect is clearly important for both of the so I'm just. Gripping my hands on the sofa thinking about them having that with each other.
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We Become We
Synopsis: youâre arranged to marry the one and only yashiro commissioner, Kamisato Ayato
Content: Ayato x fem!reader, arranged marriage, one-sided love (Ayato) not proofread
Note: titled and inspired by the song âWe Become Weâ from Journey to Bethlehem (this is a little bit messy bc i tried making it shorter than my usual stuffđ)
â
âDo you like dogs?â Ayato guided you away from a puddle of rain. He has been asking you questions since you began your walk in the garden.
Still down in the dumps, you asnwered dryly, uninterested. âIâm fond of them.â
Your father had arranged a wedding for you and Lord Kamisato sooner than you had thought. You werenât able to let everything sink in when he announced the date, there was still a little bit of aftershock left until now.
Lord Kamisato was ever such a gentlemanâas he should. Flattery and friendly statements have accompanied you since he arrived at your clanâs estate. Nonetheless, you felt nothing for him. His chivalry was all for show. You knew this was just an arrangement, a sacrifice to make for your clanâfor your father.
You were sure he felt the same, and that you would live in your separate houses as you tended to your duties, unbothered and concentrated. But the way he spoke to you made you think otherwise.
âIs that so? Then maybe I could show you my friendâs dog? His name is Taroumaruâthe dog, not my friend.â Normally, Ayato wouldnât speak so freely and childish around a person, but he felt safe enough in your presence to loosen his tongue. You nodded dryly, again.
He began to tire of your meekly responses. He sighed, âIâm sorry. Youâre clearly upset about this whole⊠situation.â
After what felt like an eternity of silence, you looked at him for the very first time. Now he could properly see your monotonous eyes. âWhat gave it away?â You finally spoke in a more sincere tone.
âWell,â Ayato hesitated. âI wonât go into detail, but Iâm no novice at taking hints.â You shyly laugh at thisâa step in the right direction, he thought.
âI suppose I have to be careful next time.â Your gaze glued to the ground once more. âI wouldnât want to offend you, Commissioner.â
âYou donât have to hide a thing, Y/N.â He leaned down slightly for you to see him. âItâs gonna take more than a secret to offend me. Oh, and you can call me Ayato; we are getting married, after all.â
You looked at him strangely, âI donât understand how youâre so calm right now. Arenât you disappointed that youâve got your freedom taken away now that youâre engaged?â
âIâll be honest here, I havenât had that much freedom even before getting engaged!â He laughs, âIf anything, choosing you as my wife is the only freedom Iâll ever have.â
âOnly freedom?â
âWhen you become a leader, especially at a young age, you make it a habit to decide for the development of your clan. Your duties, fortunes, you should always think if it would benefit your people. Thereâs hardly any time to think for yourself.â
All of the sudden you felt pity for the man, with empathy lingering over. âThen you became the commissioner,â you draw out, to which he sighed. It seems like heâs unbothered by it now, like heâs gotten used to this overwhelming lifestyle. âDo you ever wonder about retirement?â
âAs long as thereâs no heir, I believe retirement isnât an option for me.â
Ah, another reason for your engagementâproducing an heir. Archons, you pray your children will have a much better life than you and your groom-to-be. âWhat about Miss Ayaka?â
You see a small grin on Ayatoâs lips. âSheâll want to explore the world, meet new friends and what not. Best not to trouble her.â You both sit on a small bench with an overlooking view of the sunset, purple and red-colored leaves matching the tall sky.
âYou really care for her, donât you?â
âOf course, she is my sister, after all.â Ayato found you leering your head near his shoulder. A warm feeling buzzes in his chest as he nudged closer to you. Oh, heâs been talking all this time! You havenât said a word about yourself since you met him, he realizes. To correct his mistake, he asks, âWhat about you? How are you feeling?â
âWell,â you uttered, unsure where to start. You lean against him. âI find it charming that you care for your sister so much.â
âI meant with the marriage.â His voice wasnât judgmental, but more like a friend lending comfort and safety. It lures you to open up to him.
âThis was all just an arrangement,â you confess. Ayato couldnât help but feel disappointed, yet he doesnât speak a word of it. Maybe there will be a small rainbow after a drizzle of rain. âThat was how I felt at first. But now Iâm slowly growing more fond of you, my lord.
If you think of me as easily-caught, then I claim to be fond of you as a friend. At least, for now.â
âFor now,â he repeats. âIâll take that as a good sign. In truth, I fear Iâm falling for you sooner than I thought.â
His confession makes you rise from your comfortable place, shock and sudden nervousness pulsing through your veins. âPardon?â
Ever such a lady, he thought, even when shocked you still hold face. When he looked at you, he saw how you got antsy. Fearing for your comfort, he said, âIâm only joking, miss Y/N! I feel the same as you; a friend.â
You let out a breath, slightly relieved. You were flattered, but love at first sight just felt ridiculous to youâthat was just physical attraction. True love takes time and understanding. With Ayato saying he was falling for you, you feared it was only for your looks and not for your soul. Though, you werenât entirely opposed to the idea of loving him.
âI do admire your elegance, though,â he added.
âThank you.â
Ayato couldnât be happier that he was about to be your husband and you, his wife.
It was the way his name seemed to echo in songs from the loveliness that is your voice. It was the way you nodded when people passed by despite not knowing them. It was this sense of perfection he saw in you, and it only took him a smile to tell.
But the question in his head paralyzed him, anxious and, he wouldnât lie, a little embarrassed. His feelings would be null and void if you didnâtâor wouldnâtâfeel the same. âWill this always be just an arrangement to you?â
The stars peeked through the violet sky like fireflies by the time you walked back. The smell of the nearby sea and the woodlands blew with the air. You looked straight, watching your step in case you trip, while Ayato had looked at you like you were⊠everything. âI donât really know you that well, Ayato. It can be difficult to tell.â
âBut do you think, with time, this blossom of ours will grow into a beautiful flower?â
You appreciate his metaphor. âMaybe, someday.â
Someday.
âthe end.â
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hey I just wanted to say I love your work!!!! I keep binge reading your marauders posts especially!!! You are such a good writer. If itâs ok, can I send a request for the managers with an autistic reader? Maybe where they feel insecure bc of overthinking bc they act different to everyone else? I hope you have a good day xxxxxx
thanks so much for reading hunny! i hope this is okay. i'm not autistic myself so this may not be the most accurate, please let me know! autistic gn!reader x poly!marauders. modern!au
cw: insecurity, overthinking, mentions of alcohol
1k words
You couldnât stop replaying all the interactions you had that day over and over in your head. You were scrutinizing every word you had said, every way you had gestured. You didnât know if everyone loved, hated, or pitied you. It was possible that everything was fine, but it was equally as likely that everyone who you talked to today were still thinking about your conversations and were still annoyed with you. It was an indescribable feeling, it just made you want to curl up in bed and never see anyone again. Everything was just too much. You were grateful you were home alone right now so no one would have to see the state you were in.Â
You had taken off your work clothes from the day, changing into a comfy sweater and soft lounge pants. You were on the couch wrapped in a fluffy blanket. (You thought that maybe Sirius had used it last, it smelled just like his soapy and musky cologne. You hummed in satisfaction from the comforting scent.) You buried your face in between a cushion and a pillow, hoping your nest would just swallow you whole and never release you. You had a few minutes to calm down before your boyfriends started barreling in.Â
First it was Remusâ soft steps as he shucked off his coat before making his way to the kitchen. He probably assumed you were asleep, because when he passed you on the settee all he did was lean down to kiss your temple. You heard him (quietly) clanking around as he put the kettle on. Thankfully the sounds were familiar and comforting, rather than overstimulating.Â
Then was James and Sirius, being very loud as they burst through the door, laughing and joking. It made you smile against the pillow. They were talking about something they had seen on the way home.Â
âMoons,â Sirius made a beeline to the kitchen. You heard James hiss when he looked over to you.Â
âQuiet, Pads.â He scolded. âBabyâs sleeping.âÂ
âShit,â Sirius whispered, walking past to get to the kitchen.Â
âItâs okay. âM awake.â You mumbled, shifting to sit up.Â
âOh, hi sweetheart.â James crouched by the couch. He could cry at how adorable you were, all wrapped in the blankets and what he recognized as his jumper. Sirius and Remus came back into the living room, each holding mugs of tea.Â
âWow, Prongs.â Sirius rolled his eyes. âGettinâ onto me for being loud only to wake them up right when I leave.â He tsked disappointedly and shook his head.Â
âI wasnât asleep, just resting.â You took a mug from Remus while James sat beside you, hauling Sirius into his lap. The ink-haired boy turned to face you excitedly.Â
âBabydoll,â He started. âI was thinking, Marlene is havinâ a thing at her house tomorrow. Not really a party, just a little get together. She was saying something about âplaying Cards Against Humanity and getting shitfaced.â Howâd you feel about going?âÂ
You were contemplating heavily. You wanted to go, yes. It sounded like a lot of fun. But hangouts like that stressed you out. You always felt like you were saying the wrong thing, not acting the right way. Especially in small groups. You loved Marlene, you loved her girlfriend and probably everyone else that would be there. But that only made it worse. You wanted them all to like you so much that you overanalyzed everything you said, which likely only made things more awkward because you sounded so robotic and scripted. You tried to keep the worry from your face, but unfortunately James could read you (and almost everyone) like the morning paper and he usually felt the need to call it out.Â
âYou okay, sweetness? You donât have to go if you donât want to.â He reached over to rub your thigh with his warm hand.Â
âNo, I want to go, I do!â You cut in quickly. âI just-â You snapped your mouth shut before taking a big gulp of your tea.Â
âYou just what?â Remus asked curiously from where he was sitting on the coffee table.Â
âAre you sure she wants me there?â You asked, worriedly. Sirius looked like you had asked if the sky was green.Â
âYeah she does. She wouldnât have asked if she didnât. Why wouldnât she anyway?â His sculpted brows scrunched in confusion. You sighed and set your tea on the side table, starting to fidget and stim with your nails, using enough force to shred your cuticles. James grabbed your hand, encouraging you to play with his fingers instead.Â
âI just feel like I never fit in at those things. Like, I donât know. I just make things weird.â You muttered shamedly.Â
âYou donât make things weird.â James said, squeezing your hand. âWhy do you think that?â You lost your words suddenly, feeling all too vulnerable. Sirius was looking at you with enough gentleness to make you sob, like he knew you inside and out (he does).Â
âI know you get anxious about this stuff. But baby, everyone loves you. I donât see how they couldnât. I can promise no one is thinking about how you act as much as you are.â He looked at you, seeing right through you. He abandoned James, making him let out an indignant huff to catapult himself on top of you, wrapping you up and squeezing tight.Â
âYou know,â Remus started. âI was at work today and Aoife would not stop asking about you. She kept saying I need to bring you over during break because youâre âheaps of fun.ââ You wanted to scoff but you were too tired.Â
âAngel, everyone loves you. I know it doesnât seem like it, because your brain canât always tell what people are thinkinâ but they really do.â You looked at James over Siriusâ shoulder. He was looking so soft as he leaned forward to peck your forehead. You were looking doe eyed at Remus and James.Â
âPromise?â You asked, quiet and insecure. Sirius pulled away, bringing his hand up to your face.Â
âPinky swear, dollface.â You knew how seriously he took those. You reached up to wrap your pinky around his, face heating as he brought your hands up to kiss your knuckles.Â
âOkay, it sounds fun. Iâll go.â You relented happily.Â
âOh thank god.â Remus sounded oddly relieved. âLily texted me earlier asking if you would be there and I said yes. I really did not want to face her fury.âÂ
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flirting ; jujutsu kaisen
yuta okkotsu, megumi fushiguro, toge inumaki, satoru gojo / gn reader
; yuta okkotsu -
⣠yuta's so shy when it comes to flirting, especially as a first-year
⣠once he realizes he likes you, it's over for him- he can't speak to you like a normal human being, or else he actually might explode
⣠he just thinks you're so perfect, he can't flirt with you- he's already trying hard enough not to pass out holding a regular conversation
⣠but sometimes, if he's feeling brave, he'll casually pass you a flower he 'found'
⣠(he didn't just find it. he spent, like, forever trying to pick a perfect one from a pretty field.)
⣠sometimes, though, he slips up and lets a real genuine compliment slip; he'll talk about some aspect of your personality he adores so truthfully- he doesn't even realize he's rambling about you, to you until he's said it
⣠after he comes back from africa, these flirtations are a lot more purposeful but he typically still ends up more flustered than you
yuta's face burned red as dawn as you grinned mischievously, holding in a laugh. "say that again, please?"
he had to turn his gaze from you as you borderline pleaded at yuta to repeat what he'd just said. your hand laced with his own and he already knew he'd lost.
"i said," yuta near-whispered, daring a glance back at you, "i really like your voice. i mean, it's so nice to listen to, and it's so you, i could listen to it all day-"
he cuts himself off when he noticed you beaming at him and he chokes on his words. "i didn't mean to sound creepy," he rushed to add, "it's just-"
"it's okay, yuta." your voice was bright with barely contained affection. "i like your voice, too."
; megumi fushiguro -
⣠see, megumi THINKS he's flirting
⣠when in reality, he's just being... normal
⣠well, society's normal standard of kindness- for him, it's a huge step, but for anyone else, it's basic human decency
⣠nobara once asked if he was dropping hints to his crush, and he responded yes! when asked for examples he told her abt:
⣠that one time he let you use a pencil in class bc you forgot yours
⣠and the other time he half-smiled at your pitiful joke because no one else reacted
⣠another time he told gojo to shut up because he was pestering you (this one was more for him than you, though)
⣠but in all realness, megumi really doesn't know how to flirt with you either
⣠he doesn't get too nervous per se, he just doesn't know how to outwardly express his interest- these little acts of kindness are the best he can manage
⣠he wishes he could do more but he can't- little does he know, it's more than enough
you pulled your thin jacket tighter for the 4th time in the past few minutes. megumi would know, he's been keeping track.
his mind was whirring with questions of what to do; were you cold? (yes, obviously, if you were shivering this much.) should he offer to go grab your coat? (no, he wouldn't even know where it was.) how else could he help?
megumi sighed to himself before shrugging off his sweater. this was the best idea he had. he couldn't have you freezing to death before you caught on to his feelings.
"you're cold," megumi stated plainly. you looked over at him, slightly amused as you responded.
"really? i didn't notice." he rolls his eyes, turning his head to hide his (flushed) cheeks. he didn't succeed. a navy crewneck was tossed towards you, and you caught it stiffly with your numbed hands.
"just shut up and use that." you didn't miss the softness of his voice. beaming, you shrug the crewneck on, smelling the rush of herbal tea and cinnamon- before brushing closer to megumi and taking his arm.
"thank you, i appreciate you, y'know." he felt himself almost falter with your words, before regaining his composure.
"i appreciate you, too."
; toge inumaki -
⣠inumaki is a tease when he flirts with you, and he's confident and everything too!
⣠he likes you, he doesn't hide it
⣠he writes you little notes which he leaves in places he knows for sure you'll find them eventually
⣠the notes usually say things like stupid complimentary jokes or really dumb pickup lines
⣠somehow, toge never runs out of them!
⣠he's more physically affectionate with you than others
⣠oftentimes, he'll approach you by trying to spook you, jumping into your side with a hand over your shoulder
⣠his touches linger, though, probably more than the touch of a friend's would..
maki snorted and panda laughed at the fearful noise you let out, watching you recoil as inumaki's eyes crinkled with laughter. his hand remained rested on your shoulder as you placed another hand over your chest, sighing.
"god, toge, why do you always do that?" he tipped his head at you and raised a brow. you met his eyes, and perhaps the contact lasted a little too long because maki cleared her throat pointedly.
"toge," she greeted, "panda was just telling us about the mission you both were just on." inumaki's face furrowed in faux-annoyance, displaying his feelings about the mission. you almost didn't notice how his hand slipped down your arm and into your hand.
his own palm was warm and soft in your own. a rush of heat took over your face and everything in you was fighting against the urge to squirm away. you glanced over to inumaki, tuning out maki and panda's chatter.
he was looking at you, once again with his eyes creased, glimmering with amusement. you were sure your face betrayed your nerves, and you were about to say something when maki called your attention.
she raised a knowing eyebrow. "everything alright?"
you dry swallowed air and nodded stiffly. "yeah," you turn your gaze to her. your hand, still holding toge's, tightens and you feel him squeeze yours back. "yeah, everything's fine."
; satoru gojo -
⣠this man is the WORST and i mean it with my whole heart
⣠he has no shame when it comes to flirting with you, and you are fully aware because he makes SURE of it
⣠the thing is, though, it's such a frequent occurrence that you're unsure of whether he really means it or is just messing with you
⣠so you mostly laugh his flirtations off- much to his frustration
⣠so.. he has points where he'll stop with the joking flirting and just be all serious and like weirdly genuine about how he feels, it throws you off fr
⣠he'll be making sex jokes and talking about how he's gonna propose and then whips out the most real compliment about your eyes and you're like 'oh...'
⣠you don't really know how to react, and while you're recovering, gojo resumes his stupid demeanor, giving you major whiplash
⣠he also does this at the worst times. like, in a meeting with the higher-ups he'll just look at you and be like 'you're the love of my life' and you are just like đ
⣠he also buys you lavish gifts. like DESIGNERRR designer things
⣠he will blow his whole bank account on you if you ask
⣠(he does this even if you don't ask!)
you sat next to gojo on a bench, observing as the second-years fight tooth and nail. this was a regular thing, them deviating from the actual practice to beat each other up.
"why are they fighting this time?" gojo's lips curled into a smile at your question. the both of you kept your eyes trained on the students as he responded.
"panda lost maki's favorite polearm. the rest just got roped in." out on the field, angry shouting could be heard. you shook your head. "they're insane. we weren't like that as students, were we?"
"i was, at least." gojo turns his blindfolded gaze to you, and you look back. his hair looks soft and his skin dewy under the afternoon sun. "crazy about you! still am!"
you purse your lips and roll your eyes, turning away from him with a heavy, indicative sigh. you hope he can't hear the way your heart picks up its pace as it thunders loud in your ears. "sure you were, satoru."
you do not see his gaze soften, just a little, before he speaks again.
"i really was, y'know. from the start." you expect him to stop here. he does not.
"i think it was your kindness that made me fall for you at first," he mused, "when you insisted to help that kid home on our first mission, even though we could've had someone else take care of it.
you've always been like that. a good person. that's why i fell for you." gojo finished his statement and you blinked twice before burying your face in your hands.
"but anyways!" gojo clapped his hands together, jumping up from where he was sitting. you snapped your head back up to see him striding. "i should probably break this fight up before someone dies."
you stared as he walked off to the students. in the distance, you could see panda pointing over to you and tipping his head worriedly after he'd recovered from his beating, courtesy of maki. you must've looked like a mess because gojo just laughed.
he's going to be the death of me, you mused, he's going to be the death of me and i don't mind one bit.
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I lowkey don't know if your currently open to request yet so im lowkey nervous of sending this ask to you but like... If you have time wondering you can do a Jason Grace x Fem!Reader who is a daughter of Eris or Nyx? Im a bit indecisive so idk who to pick because their both interesting tbh
But if the Request are currently closed well.. That's ok ig đ
ââË.â jason grace x daughter of nyx! reader hcs
content: jason grace x daughter of nyx! reader hcs
warning: language, mentions of being scared and crying and yeah
author's note: these nyx ones also are just so- ugh love. that percy one says on top tho like fr who's big brain thought of that bc like it was NOT mine. it couldn't have been the same brain that cannot spell 'own' for its LIFE. there's no way. anyway, enjoy!! or don't, that's cool too ig
i just KNOW daddy dearest is NOT happy about this development
he punchin walls, he sliding down doors all dramatic like, he whinin to hera
not his perfect boy dating the daughter of the one woman he's scared of
and jason can't find it in him to care, breaking away from his father's approval for the first time in his life
and it's freeing and it's lovely because its with you
naturally, bc of history between zeus and your mother, storms scare you shitless
youre sure that at the first opportunity, zeus will strike you down and just vaporize you
(he wont bc he's scared of your mother, who would leave him a puddle of ichor if he so much as thought about it)
that's actually how you met jason
someone did something to piss zeus off (dionysus we lookin at you) so the camp's typical magic border was put on leave and he allowed this huge thundering storm to coat the valley
jason, the sweet boy that he is, was walking around and making sure no one was too scared by the storm
then he got to your cabin
he knocked a few times but with no answer he slowly creaked the door open
there you were, curled up in a ball in the corner shaking and jumping at every crack of thunder and flash of light that managed to peak through
and it was a strange sight because as a daugther of nyx, nothing scared you
jason had seen you with a gash that went from your ribs to your hip bone...and you had been laughing like you weren't nearly cut in half
jason was instantly by your side, crouching down next to you, soft whispers of you name and a gentle hand rubbing at your shoulder
"make- make it s-stop. ple- please," you managed to hiccup through you sobs, looking up at the blonde boy with wide, tear filled and desperate eyes
and jason wanted to rip every cloud apart and every lightning bolt and every thundercrack into nothing more than atoms
instead, he just pulled you into his arms, allowing you to cry into his chest
and he talked over the thunder and the lightning strikes
and you slowly stopped crying, finding a comfort you never felt before in the boy's arms
you and jason never talked about that night again, but the next morning you slid the boy a crunch bar and continued to walk like nothing happened
jason looked at the chocolate fondly before darting his eyes up, just barely catching you looking over your shoulder at him with fondness oozing from you face
from that forwards, it was nothing more than the grazing of hands and the murmuring of loving words behind closed doors
it wasn't secretive, not at all, simply private
some people couldn't tell if they were together or not, or if they even liked each other
but every time, the children of aphrodite would call that person an idiot and then swoon at the sight of them together, the soft exchange of loving looks and the locking of pinkies together
it was a soft and silent love
and you wouldn't tell if from the way they fought
the clashing of swords, the bumping of skin against skin, the kicking of legs, and the shoving of skin
oh, and the snide comments.
"you call that a block? pitiful."
"please, you don't even know what a good block looks like. don't get cocky on me, grace."
"cocky? i don't need to be cocky with you around. it's not that difficult to be better."
"ha! i didn't know you took clown classes! really seem to be paying off! keep up the good work, sparky the clown!"
but then, the swords would be put down and all of that stuff was left in the arena
none of it was taken personal because they knew who they were going home with, who held their hand tightly, who'd stay by their side
jason liked to call you 'sunshine' and you HATED it
"good morning, sunshine!"
"daughter of the embodiment of darkness here"
"okay, whatever you say...sunshine."
"JASON GRACE!"
and whenever someone pissed zeus off (again, looking at you mr. d) before the storm even has time to roll in, youre running to jason's cabin, your blanket billowing behind you
and jason is waiting, arms held wide open for you to crash into
you find peaceful sleep inside his strong arms despite the storm raging on outside
and jason looks down at your sleeping features, lightened up now and then by the flashes of lightning
he couldn't help the clenching of his heart, certain it was his heart simply making room for the feelings for you that were beginning to bloom in his chest
behind his liver hid his passion for the things you loved
next to ribs, you'd find a bundle of devotion dedicated to you and the way your face scrunches up when you joke with him
and shoving his heart to the side, and rapidly feeling up his chest, it would be hard to miss the pure love and endearment and adoration beginning to take over his soul
all for you, his dark sunshine girl
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Howard Hamlin: illusion of burning sins
Inspired by Better Call Saul S04E01 - Smoke:
âThereâs something else thatâs still burning after the fire that took Chuckâs life.â
I originally drew this piece at the start of the year, but recently I got back to it and decided to add some spice. Despite some small errors, I like how it looks now. Yum!
My creative process & thoughts for this piece:
Itâs originally a self-projective piece partially about my mental struggles, but I wonât be talking about myself here.
Letâs focus on Howard Hamlin in this episode, right after Chuckâs death - Unforgivable as Howard Hamlin thought he was, he was partially a scapegoat for Jimmy McGillâs deeds. Iâm putting Howard in the frame, but it is reflecting an aftermath of Jimmyâs self-denial and psychological manipulation driven by his own insecurities. Jimmy told Howard âthatâs your cross to bearâ while the sentence also serves as a suggestion to the audience that Howard is indeed a sacrifice to Jimmyâs self-loathing and avoidance. Jimmy McGill would be the illusionist who casted this whole âillusion of sinsâ upon Howard Hamlinâs already conflicted mind. Would you feel pity for this guy? Vince legit made him cry for your pity.
Everything is still about Jimmy McGill, our cunning, venomous perpetrator. Self-loathing and antisocial tendencies are a part of his true nature. Did he see Howardâs distress? Did he see Howard Hamlinâs suffering? He did. But this man closed his heart to them, just like the way he run away from himself. Jimmy McGillâs lack of sympathy is one of the very things that brought Howard into his grave. Just how pathetic Howard is? Grieving for his misplaced error in the dark, this man is oblivious to the fact that he was already entwined by the serpent: a cold blooded creature who would never change its nature - the snake here serves as a symbol of Jimmy McGillâs inherent antisocial tendencies. Howard could never foresee the future of this serpent sinking its teeth into him and pump out its deadly poison, which will finally give him the kiss of death. Even the stars that will guide him on his path cannot save him from this misery. Personally, 401 feels like the beginning of the downfall of Howard Hamlin, and the rise of Saul Goodman.
If we think about the causes of Chuckâs death, itâs not hard for anyone to see that Howard Hamlin, this poor man is overshouldering someone elseâs sin - someone whoâs unable to face the responsibilities to their own actions, someone whoâs in constant denial, someone whoâs too much hatred in their heart. (Naw Howard is legit Jesus heređ) itâs why I chose to cover Chuckâs face with the cross too, for how Jimmy mislead Howard into believing that Chuckâs death was all his fault, when Jimmy himself was the main perpetrator.
Anyway, in later seasons of the show, we can notice that Howard was crumpled up and put into somewhere he didnât belong, heâs forced to face this superficial alienation - his marriage was falling apart too. With this vulnerability, Vince showed that this lead lawyer of HHM was stuck, he was conflicted, his glory was wearing off, he was struggling like every normal person would. He was burning not only because heâs trapped by guilt and sin, but also for the reason that he has the vitality to âburnâ and release energy: He is resilient. He has the life inside of him to be burnt.
Compassion creates a sense of closure between characters and audiences. The entire tight spot in Howards life conveyed by Vince makes audiences empathize with him easily - honestly I never felt a thing for Howard Hamlinâs boring ass because I was busy siding with Jimmy McGill in my mind in the first few seasons. Whatâs interesting about Brba/Bcs is that Vince put us in front of a quandary: who would you side with in a fucked up world with fucked up people? When watching the first few seasons of BCS I put my empathy in Jimmy McGill, but then my empathy slowly detached from him as the show progressed.
As for Howard, I just pity this man as an audience after witnessing his fall presented by Vince in the later seasons: what Howard deserved was anything but a nameless grave with his murderer, a defamation, and a twisted, made-up story stated by his perpetrators on his funeral. Vince made it obvious to the audience. Yes. Letâs make this glorious man suffer. Let him be guilt tripped. Let his life fall apart like a roller coaster so youâll lay your compassion and love onto him - Howard Hamlin lost everything, he didnât even have a death with dignity thanks to the people operating the fucked up bullshit in the dark - Itâs interesting to notice my âloveâ for this character is originally out of compassion.
Despite Howard, there are lots of characters who deserve audienceâs love. There are Nacho, Mike, Gus, their motives are even noble if you try to look at it from a humane perspective, but anyhow theyâre all part of this gut-wrenching predatory game - itâs basically how everything is so complicated in a world depicted in Better Call Saul and Breaking Bad, they create intricate conflicts. I do love how fictions like BrBa and BCS allow us to explore the complexity of humanity in a safe distance.
As Howard Hamlin was buried, Saul Goodman buried Jimmy McGill alongside with him too. And then thereâs Lalo Salamanca lying beside Howard Hamlin like theyâre doing pillow talk - they are both powerful beings taking high positions in the BCS food chain. As they disappeared, the path for Saul Goodmanâs career to ascend is broad and clear. A cucaracha rising to the top, and this time heâs fully embracing the darkness.
In conclusion: Great make-believe, Vince!
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how about leon bringing up recording him and female reader having sex all the time and she finally says alright fuck it letâs do it and they film themselves and the whole time he canât stop talking and praising her bc heâs just so excited and aroused. like heâs just telling her what to do, wanting to change positions to record new angles, and sheâd eventually take the camera/phone and film him while instructing him on what to do and he goes crazy for it. like his mouth falls open and heâs blushing and whimpering as she tells him to stroke himself while staring up at her??
she look like a star, but only on cameraâ
your brain holy shit // no proper aftercare because i can't come up with anything cuz of some assignments that were long overdue I'M SORRY have some crumbs // 18+ MDNI // sex tape, voyeurism, deepthroating, blowjob, striptease, mild degradation and praise, femswitch!reader switch!leon (can be any leon lol) // (NOT PROOFREAD, lmk if i've made a mistake) 780+ words, 4.5k chr.
"It'll be one for the books," Leon placed a hand on your shoulder tilting your back to face him, arousal and desperation were apparent in his eyes, giving you that puppy-like look. "It's only a matter of time before they call me back for another mission. Please?" He pleaded. "Fine, fine. Only because you asked nicely." You groaned a little, only pitying him for those hellish missions they assign himâ or that you've been more than eager to try it out, you were just too scared to approach him about it. Leon was more than surprised at how you complied, but he didn't want to lose the chance.
He quickly grabbed your phone, clicking the camera icon before hitting record, licking his lips at the mere sight of you stripping infront of the device, maintaining eye contact with Leon. "Yeah.. like that." His voice was hoarse, thick with anticipation with each passing moment. You threw each layer off to the floor until you were fully exposed, never looking back at the mess you made.
Getting on your knees infront of Leon as he stared at you from the screen. Your hands tugged on his fly before unzipping it, sliding it past his knees down to his ankles. He'd managed to capture that look on your face everytime his length unravels from being tucked away, glistening with globs of pre trailing down the shaft; your eyes never fail to widen at the endless thoughts of treating him, every time you admire his cock would be just like the first time you did. .
Though lightly intimidated, you licked your lips before pressing it against his tip, looking into his eyes while sliding your mouth up and down across his length. Your mouth turned back to the tip, slowly but surely taking each inch in. "Yeah.. such a good girl, mhm.." He moaned assuredly. Leon had to lean back a little â one hand pulling your hair into a makeshift ponytail while the other held the phone, leaning against the headboard to better the view on the recording.
Thrusting you in, chanting endless 'you can take it's while your eyes bulged, tears flooded down your face while your mascara turned your skin ashy. You quickly got up the moment you felt his grip on your head loosen, turning around to lie on your back while your mouth was left open, Leon immediately understood what you were going for, his cock slowly but surely had been reaching your throat. "Hungry fuckin' cockslut, taking me nicelyâ so fuck-ing well." He growled, pushing further in you, making sure the camera caught your throat bulge over his cock deep in you. "Fuuuuck, y'gonna take it.." He panted, roughly thrusting into you, feeling your throat flare over his length. "Fuck! Gonna cum, oh- fuck, fuck!" Leon gritted his teeth, feeling himself tense up as his orgasm came washing over, slimy spurts of cum hitting the back of your throat before pulling out, slapping the tip on the roof of your mouth before pulling back. "My perfect little girl," He cooed, you coughed up for a moment or two before pulling yourself together, as well as Leon.
"My turn-" You purred, grabbing the phone from Leon before sitting infront of him, heightening yourself just so you could watch all of him. Hitting record, you instructed him. "Want you to touch yourself." You murmured behind the phone, watching Leon raise his eyebrows in disbelief.
"Hm? But babyâ"
"Touch yourself for me." You demanded.
"Whatever you say.." He strained his words, watching his dick grow hard just over the mere thought of all of this going on had gotten Leon feeling giddy again. He palmed himself, watching you record everything. "L-like this, baby? Like what you see?" He mumbled, clearly excited over your plan. "Exactly.. exactly like that, yeah." You nodded in approval. Leon's eyes darted around the room before staring into the camera, he'd just stare at you from below, savoring your naked body while he touched himself, hands wrapped around the length, stroking himself. "Mmh, baby.. wanna touch you." He murmured, eyes glossed with desperation. "Not yetâ" You replied with a smug tone.
"Hm-hngh.. wan' you.. touch.. mmh.." He babbled incoherent pleas, his voice only getting coarser each and every second he got closer and closer. "Fuck.. mmh yes.. ngh.. g'nna cum again.." His mouth was slightly agape, muttering sweet nothings to himself as he shot up a thick load all around his abdomen. "Fuck..! Hah.. you.." He panted, looking up into your eyes like a lost puppy. "Mmh.. Did I do good?" He asked, still catching his breath. "So good, my good boy.." You cooed, rolling down the bed to watch the masterpiece of a video you two just made.
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58 with Gojo because this is something I can see happening and heâs so Afafsghshe!!!
i feel u girlie bc aehehemhmhmeheahehehe
58: Moving Around While Kissing, Stumbling Over Things, Pushing Each Other Back Against The Wall/Onto The Bed
___
as much as you wanted to make things work out, they probably weren't going to.
you weren't just living two different lives. you were living in two different universes. i mean, this was the gojo satoru you were talking about. he was the respected, revered. he was being nobility, beyond royalty, he rivaled gods with his stature, with his power. throughout the heavens and earth, he alone was the honored one. gojo satoru was a force stronger than anything known to man. his existence alone scared curses and curse users alike into hiding. in some ways he was the boogey man, the mere mention of his name was enough to scare the shadows back to where they belonged. in some ways he was superman, those who praised him did so highly, and loudly.
and you were, well...
you were a nobody.
you loved your life nonetheless, you'd never thought of yourself as lesser than, or pitiful. you were happy to teach at jujutsu tech after graduating. sure, becoming a sorcerer was your classmates' dreams, and sure, you would've loved that life, but it simply wasn't for you.
heavenly restriction was cruel like that.
but you learned of your passion to teach, and you ran with it. your students adored you, and you returned the feeling. you cared about every student that passed through your classroom, you ensure that each and every one of their futures would be bright, no matter the path they took. it took time to become so in tune with each and every one of their personalities and learning styles, but as you always did, you worked hard, and earned their respect.
you'd known gojo satoru for a long time. for most of that time you'd been friendly acquaintances, as you were a year behind him when you were till in school and you didn't cross paths often. but after taking a job at jujutsu tech once you'd graduated again, it was as though he made it his personal mission to be close to you.
at first you weren't sure what he'd sought out in you, what his form companionship looked like, and you'd been wary. you'd heard the rumors and you weren't exactly looking to become one of them, no matter how charming he was or how pretty those eyes were. but it didn't take long for you to realize he wasn't looking for another hookup- which he could have found anywhere.
gojo satoru was deeply lonesome.
after a few shared lunch breaks, or after school grading sessions, you'd come to learn that what he needed more than anything was someone he could trust. and he must have grown on you quickly, because you'd happily taken on the challenge.
maybe too well, as you'd found yourself in a number of compromising positions. but you always swore each one was the last, and that you and satoru were to remain friends for your companionship to work.
if you began to catch feelings for him, what would possibly happen when things inevitably didn't work out? he would be alone again. and you couldn't have that. he was too good of a person to be abandoned again. and you refused to abandon him.
so when he asked you to go to dinner with him on a more-than-friendly date while he'd been walking you home, you felt as though you could cry turning him down.
"you don't think it's a good idea?" he repeats with an amused upward quirk of his lips. "what does that even mean? of course it's a good idea"
you have to smile at how light-hearted he was, but you feel your heart drop to your stomach.
"satoru, we said we'd just stay friends" you remind him softly.
"yeah, and we've said that, like, a gajillion times," he reminds you. "i don't think it's working"
he has his sunglasses on today, a good choice because it's unusually sunny for an autumn afternoon. also a good choice because you rather liked how pretty and soft his hair looked when it fell naturally. your thoughts always wandered to how delicate it would feel if you grazed your fingers through the silky white strands.
"it works if we're trying to make it work" you hum thoughtfully, hoping he would understand.
he had in the past, in fact, he would relentlessly agree that it was best if you kept your relationship platonic. even when you were sliding out of his bed with a blanket held around you as you looked for your own clothes in the mess of garments abandoned on the floor. so you weren't sure what changed his mind now.
quite frankly, satoru wasn't sure why he'd decided to bring this up now either. he'd known for some time that there was no one on this planet that was going to live up to you. he'd known that you were more than his best friend, you had become his confidant, his most trusted ally, and the comfort and friendship you'd provided him seemed so small when he'd admire everything else you brought to the table.
you were unbelievably witty, always keeping up with his quick banter and sarcastic remarks. you were more than capable as your teacher, your years of caring for your students making you warm, and good at reading people, too. you could spot emotion in the eyes of a stranger at first glance. you had certainly mastered the ability of narrowing down exactly how satoru was feeling, even when he was trying to hide it. your kindness seemed to stem from your heart, soften your smile, and soften anyone who got close enough to you.
satoru himself had felt the effect you had, and while it made him curious at first, he knew now exactly why it was he'd become so drawn to you, seeking you out for lunch, coffee, help with grading assignments, or whatever the excuse may have been.
your friendship was very much appreciated, and he tried to tell you so in a lot of ways. but no amount of gifts, or walking you home- even though you were a grown adult that didn't need supervision- would ever measure up to the real reason.
he'd fallen in love with you.
slowly, surely, and completely.
"i don't want to try to make it work," he tells you. his honesty nearly has you choking on air. "it's not going to work" he shrugs.
you open your mouth to say something, trying to find the right words to kindly remind him why staying friends didn't have to be a punishment, that it was okay to keep your relationship platonic, but when you turn to look at him, your heart cracks just a little more.
truth was, it killed you. your feelings for him had become so strong that they nearly swallowed you up whole. you were so lost in everything that was him that it was hard to bring yourself back to reality.
two different worlds, you told yourself. you need to be there for him, and you can't do that if you let these pesky feelings get in the way.
"satoru..." you say softly, your walking coming to a stop as you reach the end of your driveway.
he waits, because he's been patient for this long, he can grant you a few moments to collect your thoughts now. he tucks his hands into the pockets of his jacket, and he stands and waits with you with a smile on his face.
even though he knows you're trying to find the right way to decline his offer, he can't help but smile at you. you've always been the prettiest thing he's ever seen, and no matter how often he finds his gaze on you, your allure never dimmed.
even as your lips began to pull into a frown.
"it's not a good idea," you repeat, your voice barely above a whisper. you wish you didn't have to say these things. "i... i don't think things should change"
"nothing's changing" satoru shrugs, all too casually. you almost laugh.
"everything would change," you say through a breathless chuckle. "come on, i'll make you some tea and we can talk about something else"
you jerk your head in the direction of your house, and satoru follows you to the door with every intention of not talking about something else. although you must anticipate this, because you shoot him a look while he watches you unlock your door.
"you're staring" you comment before opening it, and stepping inside before him.
"you're pretty," he mocks your tone, and the compliment is enough to fluster you, and has you ducking your head to avoid his gaze. "I like staring at you. it's my favorite thing to do. pro'lly cause you're the most beautiful person i've ever seen"
"satoru..." you huff, and he grins as you fail to scold him for complimenting you.
you tilt your head at him like you're a disappointed parent, and all he can do is smile back at you. cheeky. coy. you hate that his gaze has your heart melting and your brain cloudy.
"being friends isn't going to work, sweetheart," he tells you, before pushing his sunglasses on top of his head.
an act he does on purpose, to allure you, for sure. lure you to you death, maybe.
"do you really want to keep running in this circle forever?" he asks, closing some of the space between you.
you should have half a mind to take a step back.
you don't.
"maybe" you mumble back, your eyes locked on his, trying to read him, most likely.
"why?" he furrows his brow. "don't tell me you're afraid"
his lips tilt into a smirk and you find your eyes lingering on them for a few seconds too long.
"i'm not afraid," you answer, and it's not a complete lie. "but i know what will happen and i- i don't want it to happen"
satoru chuckles, and you find him so odd for being able to smile and laugh while you continue to reject him. he takes another step forward, close enough now that your breath is catching in your throat.
you could step back, and put the distance between you again.
you don't.
his hands reach out to you, they lay gently around your jaw, his left thumb rubbing smoothly over your skin. you remain in place, with your eyes on his.
"and how could you possibly predict what will happen, hm?" he muses.
he's comforting you, you realize. he's trying to do what you've always done for him. soothed you into understanding you weren't making a mistake.
"you can't," he answers for you. "but i can't keep doing this, (y/n). and i know you can't either"
you swallow the lump in your throat. had you really been so transparent?
"satoru, it's not that i don't...." you begin to shake your head, but you find the warmth of his palm on your cheek to be so comforting that you can't help but lean a little further into it.
"i'm in love with you,"
he murmurs those words in the front hallway of your home, soft and true as they're meant to be shared. the confession has your eyes widening as they continue to search his, just to be sure he meant them. his gaze softens, confirming his truthfulness.
"and that's not going to change," he continues after a pregnant pause. "no amount of trying to be your friend is ever going to make me not crave more,"
you tuck your bottom lip between your teeth to keep it from quivering.
"i'm still going to want you, all of you, and i always will"
you're struggling to hide your emotions, in fact satoru can almost watch your entire thought process as you seal your lips together tightly, and your brows furrow into a knot that tells him your feelings are complicated.
still, he remains patient with you, as one of his hands glides over your cheek, his thumb falling to pull your lip from between your teeth.
"tell me what's scaring you, sweetheart," he murmurs. "let me make it all better, yeah?"
and you fold.
you give in so completely that tears spring in your eyes and your words are falling from your lips before you can filter a single one of them.
"i- i love you, satoru," you're whispering but it's a start and an admission that has him feeling a bit relieved. "i've been in love with you for, the whole time, maybe, i'm not sure, but i know it's true and i've tried- god, I've tried to get over it, truly, but i just- i just can't,"
his smile stretches so much his teeth are on display, and he's loving every stammered word that your voice relays to him.
"you're impossible, you're insufferable," you breathe out, before shaking your head in his hands. "and no matter how hard i try i can't not love you"
before you get the chance to say anything further, he's slamming his lips to yours.
you could back away, tell him that it still wasn't a good idea to put your friendship at stake, and pretend that none of this ever happened.
you don't.
you gasp for air between kisses, and when his hold on your jaw becomes firmer before sliding his hands into your hair, you let out a small cry.
maybe it's the huge emotions you've been carrying all this time finally overcoming you, maybe it's the relief that he feels the same and you had a chance at being happy together, you're not sure, but your throat is burning and your teary eyes begin to make his cheeks wet, too.
"it's okay," he murmurs against your lips, his fingers petting through your hair before meeting your face again to wipe your cheeks. "it's okay, sweetheart, everything will be alright,"
your eyes flutter open to see he's already staring at you, lovingly wiping every tear that falls from your eyes.
"you've got nothing to worry about, my love," he whispers so gently that you're leaning into him again, craving more, more affection, more warmth, more of him. "nothing bad is ever going to happen to us," he assures you like he knows your deepest darkest fear. "i'll make sure of it. i'm the strongest,"
your teary eyes flicker between his while your lips gravitate towards his again.
"i love you so much," he murmurs before softly pecking your lips again. "nothing could every take that away. alright?"
you nod back at him, shaky, but not unsure.
and then you're leaning on the tips of your toes to kiss him again. your arms wrap around his neck to make sure he doesn't pull away before you're content, and he does you one better by dropping his own hands to your waist, sliding them around until he yanks you upwards just enough to make you jump into his hold.
"i'm all yours" he mumbles into your mouth at the brief pause in your kiss that it took for him to get his hands situated under your thighs.
"and i'm yours" you repeat, staring into his eyes lovingly before giving into temptation again and slamming your lips against his.
your hands wind into his hair, fingers combing and tugging through the strands gently while satoru cautiously makes the steps into your house.
"shoes-!" you squeak between a kiss, and he knows you'll fuss if he says to forget the stupid shoes in his house so he tries to take his off while he carries you, although he stumbles a bit and has to push you against the wall to help support you as he kicks off the offending attire.
he makes quick work at dragging slow kisses over your throat as it takes him a minute to get his shoes off and kicked towards your door. they're loud as they hit the door and clatter to the ground, but you seem at ease knowing he won't be tracking any dirt or dust through your clean house.
once the shoes are taken care of his mouth is on yours again, hot and demanding, his hands tighten on your legs as you're lifted off the wall again and he's back to blindly trying to get you both somewhere- anywhere- neither of you care where it is you wind up.
but you're starting to drive all of his senses crazy as one of your hands grips the nape of his neck and the other can't settle on playing with his hair or grabbing the material of his shirt. he bumps into a shelf and knocks down the few decorative items you had there.
normally you'd be worried about the mess, but it didn't sound like anything broke, so you didn't spend a second worrying about anything except shoving his jacket down his arms. although every few seconds you couldn't help but kiss him again, so it took a minute for your focus to stay on track and get the jacket thrown to the floor. as soon as you're satisfied again, your arms are wound around his neck and your lips are relentless.
satoru blindly tries to make his way to the stairs where your bedroom is, but you shake your head, breaking your kiss much to his dismay- which is evident in the way he pouts and his lips chases yours.
"you'll drop me on those stairs," you say through labored breaths. "just go to the couch"
"i'll do you one better" he grins, and in a blink you're both standing in your bedroom, and you don't feel the usual dizzying effect of his teleporting seeing as he has your mind is foggy enough. you giggle with delight before grabbing his collar and yanking him back in to continue where you'd left off.
"not friends" you say decidedly before giving him a sweet kiss.
he chuckles into it, pulling away only to drop you both onto your feathery duvet.
"oh sweetheart, we never were"
___
a/n: this is too long for a drabble I got quite carried away with this one omfg
xoxo ~ jordie
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are you like me too? / kwon soonyoung
âą Soonyoung x fem!Reader
âą word count: 1.1k
âą angst // breakup(??)!au // comfort?
âą A/N: i wrote this in like, 30 minutes bc i was watching the epik high and hosh's performance in akmu's show and got a random burst of writing juice so. enjoy? i'm obsessed w the song and this particular part btw so it's definitely inspired by that. as always not proofread but do enjoy somehow lol
ììŠ ë ëščêł ë§ìêł ìŽë€ íëł”ì ì°Ÿëì§
what are you eating and drinking these days? what kid of happiness are you looking for?
epik high ft. hoshi - screen time
[ - - - ]
Soonyoung has never felt so stupid.
But, then again, being drunk and regretful at the same time is an obvious recipe for disaster.
He doesnât even usually get drunk, as heâs often already passed out before he gets to that point. But thereâs something about tonight that compels him to keep on throwing back drinks over drinks even though Jihoon is already looking at him in worry and Chaeyoung is trying to stop him from getting more.
But of course, drunk Kwon Soonyoung is even more hard headed than normal Kwon Soonyoung and Jihoon eventually tells the younger girl to just stop trying because perhaps the guy needs it.
After all, Jihoon knows Soonyoung has been regretting his decision to end⊠whatever it is he had with a certain someone and he hasnât had the chance to properly throw himself a pity party that itâs probably been eating him inside out for the past week.
âWhy the fuck did IâŠâ He mutters to himself, not even caring that two of his friends are there worried out of their minds. He eventually kicks them out an hour later because he can only handle so much pity being thrown his way in his own fucking house.Â
Heâs pitifulâpathetic, he knows, but it doesnât make things any better and he does need this to (hopefully) make peace with whatever stupid decision he made last week to end things with you.
Youâre not even his girlfriendâand whose fault is that?âhe swallows another shot bitterly. And yet suddenly not having you any longer feels more painful than the last time he broke up with his ex-girlfriend.
Is it simply the alcohol, bubbling thoughts into his mind? Amplifying the pains even though itâs not really all that?
He glares at his phone, silent with nonexistent notifications from you. And then he looks at the mirror and glare at himself for pushing himself into such a situation.
Why did he think it was a good call to cut you off his life when it was him who talked to you first, asked for your number, begged you for a chance to go on dates, and now grovelling in his own room because he told you that he thinks itâs better to stop seeing each other when youâre not even yet in a relationship.
What was there to end, really?
A possibility, perhaps.Â
Love that was possibly growing in your heart that he cruelly plucked when it hadnât even bloomed.
Is that a good thing, then?
Would it hurt more for you if your feelings had grown deeper than what you currently harbour towards him?
He takes his phone and scrolls through your old texts once again. He can probably recite them in his sleep at this point, but he doesnât care because he misses you and he wishes he still has youâyour texts, your laughter, your touch, your voiceâyou.Â
đ§Ą: look at this dumb dog lmaoooo
how can u call him dumb :(
hes cute u meanie :(
đ§Ą: //youre/// dumbđđ
đ§Ą: you know i dont mean it like that đ đ đ đ
đ§Ą: how dare you make me a villain against dogs!!!!
He takes a deep breath as he plays the video you sent for the nth time, still having it in him to smile at your small dog trying to jump into the sofa even though you had laid out a perfectly new dog stairs right next to it.
He presses his lips together at the sound of your laughter in the background, probably the only way heâs still able to hear it now.Â
Itâs only been a week. He knows itâs only been a fucking week. But heâs already wondering how youâre doing and whoâs making you laugh, if you get to eat that dumpling that youâve been wanting to try since last month, if youâre sending your dog videos to someone else now, if youâre still watching the drama that you were watching with him.
âŠIf someoneâs holding you because, maybe⊠and just maybe⊠youâre also as sad as he is.
He hopes youâre not though. He doesnât wish this wrenching feeling in his chest upon you.
He hopes you donât like him enough to be as sad as he is.
He hopes you donât like him enough to drink yourself to sleepâto numb the pain and silence the voices inside your head.
Closing his eyes, he contemplates on calling you. But he remembers that it was him who rids himself of that choice.
âHello?â
Fuck. Heâs even imagining your voice now.
âHello?â Your voice calls once again, and Soonyoung grips his phone tighter because itâs getting too real and perhaps it is time to stop drinking. âSoonyoung? Are you there? Are you okay?â
He jumps when he realises itâs actually you, panics when he realises he accidentally presses call when heâs too deep in his thoughts. For someone who contemplated on calling you just not too long ago, heâs suddenly hyper aware of the situation and no longer sure what to say.
He opens his mouth to say something, but a violent cough makes it out of his lipsâenough for him to hit his chest because it feels like heâs about to vomit though thereâs nothing in his throat.
He hears you panic from the other side, and as much as he wants to tell you not to worry and apologize, he couldnât do it because his head is spinning and a part of him wants you to know that heâs hurting and heâs regretting.Â
You already hang up once heâs calmed down.
And itâs thirty minutes later someone knocks on his door, his eyes widening in shock when he finds you on the other side, seemingly running out of your place in a hurry because you simply have a jacket over your pajamas.Â
âAre you okay?â You look up in worry, your hand already busy trying to see his temperature. Itâs when you realize that Soonyoung has been looking at you in silence that it finally hits you that youâre not supposed to do this.
That he⊠he breaks up with you before you even begin dating and youâre probably out of your fucking mind for thinking that you should rush to him the moment you think he might need help.
Mistaking his silence as resentment, you quickly retract your hand and apologize. But before you can even turn away, Soonyoung pulls you into his place and closes the door and then wraps his arms around you.
You canât even begin to comprehend whatâs happening, but when you feel his body shaking and hear him trying to hide his tears on your shoulder, you decide it doesnât matter.
For whatever reason, Soonyoung is hurting.
Whether heâs hurting because of you or some other reason, heâs hurting and heâs looking for comfort in you if the way he holds you so tight that it hurts a little and the smell of alcohol on him says anything.
You hug him back and Soonyoung cries harder.Â
[ - - - ]
©wonwoonlight â all rights reserved. I donât allow any reposting, translation, and any other kind of redistribution of this fic. Please tell me if youâre aware of anyone doing this without my permission.
A/N: wow been so long since i wrote for him???
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wingwoman - L.MK
mark x fem!reader ft. jaemin
synopsis: mark has trouble pulling girls. he also has trouble understanding girls. this makes sense when he asks the best friend of his crush for help when it's blatantly obvious she's actually in love with him.
wc: ~9.5k
warnings: none??? unrequited love. mark is clueless. reader is a coward hehe. based in college. i say fem!reader bc they use she/her pronouns and refer to her as a "wingwoman," but honestly can be read as gender neutral?? ORIGINALLY WRITTEN IN FIRST PERSON, so ignore mistakes pls
A/N: my first published work woot woot i've had this written and sitting for so long. i love unrequited love and angst. this isn't that angsty but maybe if i get sad enough, i can write an angstier one! okay byeee
â ËïœĄâàšà§Ë *:ïŸâ§*:ïŸâ§
âYou like him, donât you?â
The mayo from your sandwich made a cartoonish splat onto the plate at the end of his question. Your head snapped over, looking at Jaemin incredulously for his unexpected inquiry. You were in the middle of a lovely meal with Mark in between classes. When Jaemin sat down to join halfway, You didnât expect him to have an agenda in mind. You placed your sandwich down and checked to see how far Mark had gotten before you could speak. He had lost a round of rock, paper, scissors and was sent to buy drinks.
âWhat are you talking about?â You cleared your throat of whatever was left of your lunch. You knew exactly who and what he was talking about but you prayed it was something else. You didnât want to have this discussion. Things could be laid out on this table that you're not yet ready to process, and not with Jaemin of all people. Itâs not like you and Jaemin arenât close. You're just both the same kind of person, the type of person who doesnât like to express their feelings. So it was odd that Jaemin was even asking about your personal life.
âMark. You like him, right?â He raised a single eyebrow, tempting you to deny his claim. How could he admit your feelings so easily when itâs something you've been struggling to grasp for a month?
You wiped the crumbs off your hands onto your jeans, and maybe some nervous sweat too.
âNo. I mean. He likes Jenn.â You stated it like it was the most obvious thing in the world, trying hard to make it seem like that fact didnât bother you. You automatically looked down and start picking at the crumbs.
Jaemin hummed, âI asked if you like him. Not who he likes. I know who he likes.âÂ
The last statement felt like a stab in the chest, because, of course, you do too. Mark likes your roommate, your friend since high school. That was the only reason you were sitting at this table, the only reason you were able to have this conversation with one of his best friends. If he didnât reach out to you during your Anatomy class together about helping him get with your friend, you wouldnât even be here in this situation right now. At first, you were honestly offended by his request. However, after seeing the charm he very much lacked, you understood why he was desperate. It was a pitiful acceptance, but you wish you never agreed. Being reminded of your purpose in his life always tore you apart because Jaeminâs assumption is right; you do like Mark.Â
Maybe that slight bitterness in your heart is what pushed you to confess to Jaemin, one of Markâs friends and not the man himself. You took another quick glance at Mark to see him fumbling with his change at the vending machine to get you a drink. You couldnât help but smile fondly at him and quickly realize how screwed you are. Jaemin followed your eyes and smiled to himself knowing he was right. It wasnât difficult to figure out. The only person that didnât know was Mark, and maybe Jenn.
You sighed and turned back to him, a month of feelings bursting at your lips.
âOkay, fine. I like Mark. But I swear to you, Iâm not going to do anything. It literally doesnât matter. He likes Jenn and Iâm helping him pursue Jenn. I know Iâm an idiot for getting my feelings tangled up in all of this, but I really care for Mark, so Iâm not gonna let something as stupid as this get in the way of that. Iâm gonna keep helping him and if I get to continue being his friend after they get together, great! But if our relation-friendship ends there, then thatâs also fine. It-â You hesitated, looking at the pity and confusion on Jaeminâs face. âItâs completely fine,â You said quieter, the weight of your ramble finally hitting you. You didnât realize how pathetic this whole situation was till your thoughts left your head and were actually voiced.Â
Jaemin made a sound of disapproval, getting ready to speak before a can of Milkis was placed in front of your plate.
âWhatâd I miss?â Mark asked, swiftly sliding his body onto the bench. âI cleaned the top already,â He says, tapping your drink.
You smiled with gratitude, before quickly snapping back into wing woman mode. Like it was second nature.
âJenn wants to catch a movie this weekend, wanna come? Maybe bring Jeno or Jaemin,â your eyes flickered to the man that just watched you word-vomit your inner thoughts. âSo itâs less sus, you know?âÂ
Markâs eyes lit up immediately, the smile on his face lifting his cheekbones to match the pure joy in his eyes. The green in you only faltered your smile slightly. When has he ever smiled like that for me?, you thought.
âJaem, what do you say? Wanna come?â Mark asked.
Jaemin looked at you as you avoided his eyes. He took a big bite of his food before saying, âIâd rather not.âÂ
Mark instantly pouted and slapped Jaeminâs arms multiple times, whining that itâd be fun. Jaemin continued taking bites of his food, unfazed by Markâs slaps and silently refusing. You giggled at the sight, but something in your stomach felt uneasy now that Jaemin knows.Â
Everyone continued finishing up their meals and Mark asked you about this weekend and what movies Jenn likes. You took a sip of your drink and let the carbonation burn your throat. Hopefully, your abrupt confession helps you in this predicament. Having at least one person know would be good, right?
You peered up at Jaemin and his eyes were trained strictly on you, sending goosebumps down your arms.Â
Maybe not.
â ËïœĄâàšà§Ë *:ïŸâ§*:ïŸâ§
A month has passed since your confession to Jaemin and two and a half months have passed since Operation Jump Jenn began â name courtesy of Haechan, objectively not his best work but you got outvoted. Ever since you started hanging out with Mark and helping out with his love life situation, your friend groups began to merge and you all grew extremely close. It feels like you're known the boys since birth, despite meeting only this year. Due to this and because everyone is all in on Operation Jump Jenn, a camping trip was planned together â more like âglampingâ because tents were swapped for a nice cabin. The goal was to get Mark and Jenn some alone time whether it be on a hike or by the campfire. Haechan said they should go as far as making them share a bed, but he quickly earned a smack in the head from Renjun.Â
The crew had just arrived at the cabin this morning and scurried into the rooms they self-assigned, or should you say argued over, in the car ride up. You obviously got put with Jenn and your friend, Sumin, while the boys fought over who could sleep with Renjun. Surprisingly, Jeno came out victorious.
âOkay, Iâm done! Iâm gonna go help the boys figure out groceries,â Jenn got up and brushed the dust off her pants.
âOh, youâll need backup,â Sumin laughed and trailed after her, leaving you alone in your shared room.
You took your time unpacking just because driving partially took a lot out of you. The bed was looking extra nap-able. Your body soreness also probably came from craning your neck so much to look at Mark and Jenn in the backseat. It was torturous, but you couldnât look away. It was like self-sabotage.
A light knock on the door caught your attention and you told the person to come in. It was Mark.
Not even trying to hide the immediate smile on your face, you got up off the floor.Â
âHey, did you unpack already?â
âHaechan owes me for something, so I made him do it for me.â He sighs happily before plopping onto the bed, basking in his zero responsibilities.
You scoffed and smacked his thigh, âYouâre wearing your outside clothes!â You log rolled him over to his side but he quickly positioned himself back.
âAll we did was drive,â he whined. âI think our clothes should be relatively clean.â He patted the empty spot next to him. You obviously obliged.
You leaned over to him and jokingly sniffed, âYeah, but you smell a little.â
Mark mocked offense and grabbed you by the shoulders to pull you into a tight hug, laughing evilly at your cries.
âThen get a gooood smell,â He trapped you in, shaking you around. You pretended to cough on his odor and he gasped. Mark pulled back to look at your face and you were already laughing.Â
He gave a light flick to your forehead, âJerk.â
You simply smiled, shoving him away from you before the butterflies in your stomach could get even worse. You had to take a deep breath just to calm down and remind yourself of your place.Â
âWhen we have to grocery shop later, you should volunteer with Jenn. Sheâs already making the list so Iâm sure sheâll wanna take over the shopping part as well.â With your eyes trained on the ceiling, the advice just flowed naturally out of you like always. You laid there expecting him to jump up at the idea.Â
Mark propped his head up with his elbow and looked at you from the side, âIâm kinda tired.â
You rolled your eyes, âYouâre stupid. You gotta take every opportunity you can get. Jennâs a little tough to break through and get to know. Sheâs shy, remember?â You poked his nose and he scrunched at you.
âTrue,â he pouted. Mark reached over to grab a strand that came loose from your bun after he practically strangled you. He gently brushed it aside and you felt your whole body freeze. Two attacks in one day? Your poor heart.
You cleared your throat and shot up. You grabbed his hand and yanked him with you, to which he instantly groaned.Â
âCâmonnn, letâs goooo,â you pleaded, shaking his arm. âI donât have the energy to pull you up.âÂ
He used both hands to grab your arm and pulled himself up, leaving you both face to face. You instantly took a step back, frazzled once again. Mark was never good at hiding his facial expressions. It was what made getting close to him so easy. You felt like you could read his mind, and sometimes you dive deeper than he expects. He looked at you a little confused by your distance and you simply gave his arm a squeeze, not wanting to look too suspicious. He smiled.Â
Mark naturally wrapped his arm around your shoulders to pull you closer and walked the two of you out of the room, âLetâs gooo.âÂ
If he could read you the way you read him, you're sure heâd push you away.
â ËïœĄâàšà§Ë *:ïŸâ§*:ïŸâ§
Scrubbing hard at the dishes, you cursed myself for being so bad at rock, paper, scissors. Yes, itâs a game of luck, but you must have the worst luck in the world to always lose to Lee Haechan. You could hear him snickering at the dining table behind you, smacking on the marshmallows they were about to roast.Â
âHaechan! Stop snacking and bring those outside,â Jaemin snapped, coming in to bring in more dishes from dinner.Â
âYessir!â Haechan mocked a salute and scrambled outside to where Mark and Jenn were setting up the campfire. Jeno and Sumin were looking for more firewood and Renjun went to take a post-dinner nap.Â
Jaemin bumped you with his hip, scooting you over as he started rinsing your dishes.
âYouâre helping?â you asked, shocked that someone would willingly wash dishes.Â
âShould I stop?â He smiles, threatening to let go of the plate.
âNo! No. No. I appreciate the help.âÂ
Jaemin laughs, âThatâs what I thought.â
You both stand there quietly washing what felt like millions of dishes. Spending time alone with Jaemin was never uncomfortable, but there were always moments when your mind gets in the way and you think about what he knows.Â
Itâs like he can read your thoughts because he suddenly asks, âIs this trip gonna be okay for you?â
Suddenly hyper-focused on the crust of the pan, you didnât dare make eye contact with him.Â
âWhat do you mean?â
Jaemin takes the pan from you and starts scrubbing himself. You instantly occupy yourself with another dish.
He sighs, âI mean, usually when we set the two up, weâre never actually there to witness how it goes. It must suck to watch them laugh and be happy like that.â His words burn.
You hiss at the realization and almost drop the cup you were gripping. Jaemin tuts and grabs the cup from your hand. His hand on your wrist is tight, begging you to look up. You chew on your inner cheek, hesitantly lifting your eyes to match his.Â
âItâs only the first day, but we have a whole week. If you ever need to get away from all of this, you find me, okay?â The brown in his eyes is warm and inviting, and his facial structures soften when heâs talking to you. Heâs chewing on his bottom lip and you could see how nervous he is for you. You slowly release his grip from your wrist and you hold his hand lightly.
âThank you, Jaem. But Iâll be okay. Iâve made it this far,â You meekly smile. Your eyes darted to the side of his face to look outside the window where Jenn is throwing marshmallows up in the air for Mark to catch. He looks so happy. Maybe even in love. And that look wasnât for you. The ache in your chest returns and you hope Jaemin doesnât catch on. You donât know what it is that made you so sensitive in this moment, but your vision blurred slightly with tears.Â
âYou sure about that?â He teases, wiping the tear that managed to slip.Â
âYouâre gonna get soap in my eyes,â you scowl, but laugh at how pathetic you're being. He gently blows the suds off your face and you could feel them being replaced with a peachy rose tint on your cheeks.
âCâmon, letâs hurry. Theyâre gonna eat all the marshmallows and your terrible scrubbing is slowing me down. Jesus, Y/N, Iâm finding so many missed food spots.â
Your jaw dropped and you scrubbed harder, âItâs dark in here and my arms are tired from driving! Leave me alone.â
Jaemin looks at you from his peripheral to see you practically scrubbing the varnish off the plates and he smiles. He hopes you'll be okay, but also a part of him hopes you'll seek comfort in him if needed. Was that too much or too selfish to wish for?
â ËïœĄâàšà§Ë *:ïŸâ§*:ïŸâ§
For the rest of the glamping days, you're unintentionally glued to Jaeminâs side. Every activity planned for this trip ended up with you being paired up with him: paddle boarding, hiking, cliff jumping, grilling, and so on. Every partner assignment was decided by rock, paper, scissors, and somehow the two of you kept doing the same one. Some would say it's fate, but Jaemin would call it cheating. He was lucky that Renjun hasnât caught him changing his hands last minute to copy yours. Truth be told, Jeno noticed a while ago, but decided to let his best friend have his fun.Â
The universe likes to play its games too. And thatâs how you ended up being partnered with Mark for canoeing. You almost fought it till you saw how happy Jenn was to canoe with Sumin. Mark simply shrugged and grabbed two life vests for you guys.
He offered to strap it in for you and you were looking at everything but his face. Unfortunately, you could still feel the steady rhythm of his breath catching up to the racing of your heart.Â
âI feel like I havenât talked to you in ages,â Mark said to break the ice. It was true though. Your wing woman duties on this trip were basically minimal as the group joined efforts to get the two together at all costs. It took a lot off of you and you were happily distracted by Jaemin.Â
âI bet you got a lot of talking done with Jenn though.â you gave him a closed mouth smile, trying to find the positives of your distance, for his sake and yours.
Mark looked at you with anything but happiness. Shouldnât he be happy? At this rate, Jenn and he are close to making it official.Â
âI just missed you,â Mark stated like he was releasing air from his lungs. You had your shield up and you were ready to combat it with another sentence about how well his love life is looking. But you saw the look in his eyes and the way his body looked defeated. You tightened the strap on his life jacket and patted over his heart.
âI missed you too,â you replied. It was something you weren't letting yourself admit this entire week. Like fireworks, a smile instantly erupted on his face and he grabbed your hands from his straps, giving your palm a swift kiss before dragging you to your boat.
Your insides screamed at his gesture and your legs failed to move as you stumbled after him. It was like you were in a Mark drought and he was the single drop of water you needed to beg for more.Â
The remaining of the afternoon was spent paddling in circles and laughing till your throats were dry at your horrible rowing skills. An oar was even lost in the process. Mark also clumsily fell in while trying to reach for a duck. Being the good person you are, you jumped in after him so he wasnât alone. Admittedly, it looked more fun than sitting in one place on the canoe.Â
Mark cackled at the life jacket forcing you to bob up and down in the water, making you look like a little kid drowning.Â
âYou look so stupid,â he says in the middle of laughing, accidentally swallowing some lake water.
âJerk!â you splashed him and heâs sputtering, trying to get the taste out of his mouth. His jaw drops when he realized what you did and he looks at you so seriously. Your hands are ready to splash him again and the water fight begins. You're hurling water toward each other for a good five minutes before he concedes, whining about potentially losing a contact.Â
You swim towards him, grabbing his face to check his eyes. His contacts were very clearly still intact. You're about to call him out for lying when he suddenly spits water onto your face.Â
âMarcus Lee.â you threaten him, still holding onto his face. Your eyes are shut in disgust.Â
You wipe the water off your face and open your eyes to see him grinning evilly.Â
âThatâs not even my name,â Mark giggles.
ââMark Leeâ doesnât have the same impact,â you shrug, moving your hands to his shoulders to stay afloat.Â
He smiles fondly, holding onto your elbows lightly. The feeling in his chest felt as good as the sun resting on his backside. The warmth of the sunset reflected off your lake-soaked cheeks, plump from laughing, and something stirred in his chest. Something a little too similar to the feeling he was forcing when he was with Jenn. It was the feeling Mark had wished he felt when with her.Â
Scared of this new emotion, he let go of you and scrambled to climb back into the canoe. He quickly mumbled about wanting to get back before it got dark. You floated there a little confused by his urgency, but followed suit anyways. He tossed you a towel and out of nowhere gained the skills of a professional rower and got you back to the shore in no time. Without even looking back, he trudged towards the cabin, leaving you with the setting sun, cold and confused.
â ËïœĄâàšà§Ë *:ïŸâ§*:ïŸâ§
âSo he just left you there?â Renjun asks, scrolling through Netflix to pick a show to watch. It was just the two of you since the rest were too tired from todayâs activities.
âMhmm. It was so weird.âÂ
âI can check up on him in the morning since heâs asleep now. But he probably just had the shits. You know Mark.â He finally settled on an episode of New Girl.
You took a sip of your hot cocoa and pondered the chances. âMmm true.â
Renjun laughs at your agreement and grabbed a blanket for the both of you.
âBut you both had fun, right?â He asks, not really paying attention to the show at all. It seemed like he just wanted to talk and you were fine with that.
âYeah, I mean we didnât spend much time together this trip which is pretty rare for us. But you know, The Operation takes priority,â you took another sip to clear the knot that suddenly formed in your throat.
âYou probably missed him a loooot, huh?â Renjun hid his smirk behind the mug.
âA normal amount⊠what are you grabbing at?â you narrowed your eyes at him and leaned back, surveying his body language. He looked like he was holding something in.
âOh my god,â he bursts. âCan you just tell me already?â He sets his cup down and grabs your forearms.
âHuh? Tell you what?â Where is this coming from?, you think. You set your cup down too out of precaution.
âIâm not stupid, Y/N. I know you like him, so I need you to confirm it so we can talk freely,â he waved his hands in the air like he was a therapist trying to get you to spill. You almost laughed at how ridiculous he looked.
Your hand slapped against his mouth and you did a quick look around the room. No peeping heads.
âHow did you figure it out?â you whisper-screamed. You could feel the very foundation of Mark's and your friendship crumble.Â
âImph phnot phstupidmph,â He muffles out.
âHuh?â You question stupidly and he glares at you, sharply pointing at your hand. âOh, duh.â
Renjun clears his throat, âI said Iâm not stupid. And considering how much time Jaemin has been spending with you, Iâm guessing he knows too.â You look at the wall behind his head, feeling guilty.
âI donât know why you would tell him before me though. We were lab buddies first before you met Jaemin. Not fair, Y/N.â He huffs, crossing his arms. If the security of your love life wasnât falling apart at this very moment, you wouldâve found him endearing.
âDo you think anyone else has figured it out?â you ask.
âNo, Iâm like the only smart one,â Renjun scoffs.
âWrong!â A voice booms from the hallway. Haechan walks in yawning, fully decked out in a matching set of pajamas. He takes a swig from Renjunâs hot cocoa, earning him a smack.Â
He sits down to your right and smiles, âI found out like 2 weeks after you and Mark met.âÂ
âDamn, you found out before Jaemin did,â You admitted. Not even shocked or worried that a third person knows, You sat there dumbfounded.
âYesss!â Haechan pumps the air and proceeds to take another sip but this time from your cup. You tsked and gave him a flick before grabbing your mug back.
âOkay, so now what?â Renjun asks like there was more to this.
You furrowed your eyebrows, âWhat do you mean ânow whatâ?â
Haechan doesnât even look surprised but Renjun is staring at you like you offended him.
âYouâre just⊠not gonna do anything? Ignore your feelings?â Haechan nodded along with Renjunâs questioning. The angel and the devil on your shoulders, or should I say devil and devil.
âRenjunie, thatâs what Iâve been doing, I donât know if youâve noticed. Iâm the wing woman. Iâd be betraying my duty.â You said this like a mantra, a mantra you're been telling yourself for the past few months.
âWhat about the duty to your heart?âÂ
âGross,â Haechan chimes in. It earned a scrunch of your nose and a weird look.Â
âI regretted it the minute I said it,â Renjun slouches defeatedly.Â
âLook, I appreciate the concern. Jaemin gives me these talks all the time, and trust me, it wonât change my mind. I love Mark too much to get in the way of his happiness. And all for what? Because I have these feelings? Thatâs ridiculous.âÂ
Haechan and Renjun looked at you with even more pity in their eyes, which is more than you usually see from Jaemin.
âWhat?â
âItâs worse than I thought,â Haechan whispers.
âYou love him.â
â ËïœĄâàšà§Ë *:ïŸâ§*:ïŸâ§
On the morning of the last day, you notice Mark is avoiding you at all costs. Heâs even avoiding Jenn. Everyone was packing up the car and he completely took over, not letting anyone touch the luggage or the car. You tugged Renjun to the side to ask what was up and he simply shrugged, saying he doesnât know what was going on.Â
When you all make your first pitstop, You and Jaemin are buying snacks for the group. You see Mark staying in the driverâs seat, claiming that he can go the whole way. Both of you give each other concerned looks and Jaemin says he has an idea.
His idea ended up being you switching places with Haechan to sit in the passenger seat, much to his complaints about getting car sick. He does not get motion sick, by the way, especially as the man who has ridden all the rides at Six Flags not once, but twice in one day.Â
The only time Mark looks at you is to see you climb into the passenger seat. From then on, his grip on the wheel is tight and his eyes are trained on the road. You even offer to do directions for him, but he immediately declines. His cold behavior leaves a weird feeling blooming in your chest and you almost feel sick, regretting the decision to buy a gas station hot dog.
A few hours passed and Haechan and Renjun are knocked out from their endless karaoke and the rest of them followed suit after finally getting some peace and quiet.Â
âHey,â you whisper to Mark. âMark.â
His eyebrows perk up, maybe not expecting you to initiate conversation. âWhatâs up?â
âAre you good?â
He nervously twists his hands around the wheel. âYeah, dude. Iâm fine.â
You looked him up and down, not believing him at all. âThen are we good?â
âWhy wouldnât we be?â He says with a hint of offense. You grip the sleeves of your hoodie a little tighter. Heâs never talked to you this way.Â
âI-I donât know. You just seem a little off today, thatâs all.â You half confessed. Heâs more than just a little off. His behavior was making the air tense and you wished Jaemin didnât convince you to take the front seat. You chose to stare out the window instead.
âY/N, thereâs nothing wrong. Iâm just missing my space, okay?â Mark says sternly, giving you the affirmative sign to leave him alone. Tears instantly prick the corner of your eyes at his tone. Mark has always been a cheerful presence in your life so for these words to be spat at you like this⊠It felt horrible. It felt like his bad mood was your fault. You tug the hood of your jacket up further and you turned away from him even more, not wanting to make it worse.
âSounds good,â you managed to mutter, popping in your headphones so you didnât have to hear any more from him.
Mark spares a glance at you and his eyes instantly soften. Something in his chest twists at the way you're turned away from him, in his favorite hoodie. Jaemin is looking from the seat behind; heâs been watching. He sighs and reminds himself to switch places with you at the next pitstop.Â
â ËïœĄâàšà§Ë *:ïŸâ§*:ïŸâ§
Finals season hits the minute you all get back from your trip and the only time your group meets up is to study in the library. Mark, who is usually a huge advocate for group studies, is suddenly a solo studier. You havenât seen him in a week and when you sought out Jenn, she reports the same thing.Â
Thankfully and unfortunately, your finals were extra rough this semester and you essentially had no time to worry about him. Occasionally, you'd send him texts with your class notes to check up on him, but all you'd get in response is a simple thumbs up.Â
Jaemin decided to change the scenery and study at a cafe near campus. He had two more exams left, but you only had one so you were definitely more relaxed than he was. You ordered a slice of cake and a pastry and munched away as he tackled his workload. You occasionally fed him bites here and there.
An hour into the study session, the food settled in your stomach as well as the repressed feelings about Mark. You twirled your straw as you stared at Jaemin typing, trying to decide if now was a good time to bother him.
âYouâre staring,â He says, continuing to type.Â
âYup.â you say, popping your lips.Â
âIs my handsomeness not blinding?â He smirks, eyes still on his screen. He wiggles his eyebrows teasingly.
You gag and shove a spoon of cake into his mouth. âNevermind, no more talking. I donât wanna throw up the food I paid for.â
He laughs and finally lifts his hands off the keyboard. Jaemin takes a sip of his deadly concoction with eight shots of espresso to wash down the cake and raises his eyebrows.
âYou can ask, you know?â
You roll your lips in and tap at the table, suddenly too shy to ask.
âOkay, then Iâll just assume and answer. Mark is⊠weird. Markâs not really acting like himself right now if Iâm being completely honest,â Jaemin admits. Heâs lazily poking his ice with the straw, waiting to see your reaction.Â
âHmm,â you pretend to ponder his words, suddenly struck with worry. Even though you're still hurt by his actions from the ride back and his sudden desire to avoid you for a week, you canât help but care. It was almost annoying how much you want to text him, despite his lack of interest in you. It annoyed Jaemin more.
âWhy do you do this to yourself?âÂ
Your eyes perked up, shocked by Jaeminâs change in tone.
âHe dismissed you on the car ride back. Heâs ignored you this entire week. He doesnât even say thank you when you send him your notes. Why-â He shakes his head, aggravated. âWhy are you still worrying about him?â
âJaemin⊠you know why.â
âListen, I love Mark like a brother. But he doesnât deserve you. Youâve done so much for him with this whole Jenn situation, itâs just not fair to you.â Jaemin says this so seriously, you feel frozen in my spot. Youâve probably heard these words leave his mouth a million times, but today it felt different. His words weighed differently.Â
âI donât know what else to do, Jaemin. This is the only thing I can do. Itâs the only thing I know how to do.â
âHeâs not even appreciative of it!â Jaemin pushes further, growing more desperate to have you hear his words, praying they stick this time. âYou donât need to put yourself through this for his sake.â
You're flattening a piece of the cake with a fork as you actually consider his words. With Mark distancing himself, your mind feels a little clearer, more room for thoughts.Â
âI wouldnât be friends with him in the first place if I didnât agree to be his wing woman. Itâs why Iâm in his life in the first place. Iâm⊠Iâm too scared to risk it.âÂ
Jaemin decides heâs had enough and shuts his laptop, too angry to work. âYouâre an idiot if you think heâs only keeping you around because youâre close to Jenn. Why do you value yourself so little? Do you think weâre just friends because weâre both in Operation Jump Jenn? No, Y/N. Weâre friends because I like you.â
Jaemin sucks in his breath, at his poor word choice; he looks like heâs in pain. If only she knew I meant it differently, he thinks to himself.Â
He continues, âSo why would Mark, after all this time, not think of you as more than just a wing woman?âÂ
The area around your eyes sting and you could feel yourself fighting back tears. Your lips tremble, choking back a sob. Jaeminâs eyes widen and his hands twitch wanting to hold yours, but he pulls himself back.
âI still canât tell him. Things wonât be the same.âÂ
The look of pity Jaemin usually gives you is replaced by frustration, and maybe some disappointment. You fidget under his stare, tightly wrapping your arms around your waist. He shakes his head.
âMark doesnât deserve you if he leaves you after finding out how you feel. You really think heâd do that? Do you think that lowly of him?â He rests his hands on the table and he looks at you, urging you to try to defend yourself. But his words sink deeper. Heâs right, do you really think that lowly of Mark?
You sighed in defeat and in exhaustion. You were at a loss for words, having your thoughts psychoanalyzed in front of you. You donât think lowly of Mark at all. Shouldnât you have more faith in him? In us?, you think.
âWhy do you have to be so smart?â you glare at Jaemin. He immediately relaxes, smiling in return. He was staring at you for so long, trying to figure out what was going on inside your brain. He was on the edge of his seat, terrified that you'd drop him for his candor. Or that you caught on to his little confession.
He shrugs in response, âPre-med.â
âYouâre annoying,â you laugh, giving his foot a kick. Jaemin laughs with you and opens up his laptop again. You both work for another minute before he stops to look up at you again.
âHey. Iâm sorry if I went too far.â Instead of grabbing your hand, he traps one of your legs with his two. He swings it back and forth with a pout on his face, begging for you two to be okay.
âNo, no, I needed that. Thank you for looking out for me.â Your chest warms, knowing that you have someone as lovely as Na Jaemin on your side.Â
You lean forward and pinch his cheek, âHowâd I get so lucky with a friend like you?âÂ
His face falters for a second before snapping back into a smile. He playfully licks your hand and you pull it back in disgust.
âYou got me for life unfortunately.â
âMmm, unfortunately,â you fake pout.Â
â ËïœĄâàšà§Ë *:ïŸâ§*:ïŸâ§
After your talk with Jaemin, it took you embarrassingly two days to figure out what to do next. Mark still isnât talking to you and as much as it pains you, itâs actually given you the space to think. You finally decided to do something you shouldâve done months ago.
âDo you like Mark?â
Jenn chokes on her sandwich and you scramble to hand her a glass of water, patting her shoulder lightly. Maybe you shouldâve timed that better.
âHuh?â There was something swirling around in Jennâs eyes. Confusion. Pure confusion. It was not what you expected at all.Â
âI donât know, do you like Mark?â you repeated, bracing yourself for her answer.Â
She looked at you and did a quick once over. Jenn realized you were serious and brushed the crumbs off her hands before settling in her lap.Â
âMarkâs cool. He talks a lot. The only reason we hang or talk is because of you and the boys. Thatâs kind of what it feels like for me and Mark. I donât know⊠sometimes his behavior towards me feels forced. I thought he was just acting this way because Iâm your best friend.â She took a sip, looking up and thinking about what more she could say about Mark Lee.Â
âWait. What do you mean by that?â The pit in your stomach appears. Did she figure out The Operation?
âIsnât he just getting on good terms with me because he likes you? I donât like him, by the way.â Jenn let those words flow out of her mouth as if it was the only thing to say. Like this is how she felt for months.Â
âHuh?!â It was your turn to be confused. Never in your friendship with Mark have you considered your feelings being returned. You also never expected it to be implied by the person Mark is literally crushing on.Â
âWait. Was that not obvious? Every time Mark and I hung out, it just felt⊠like he was looking for something in me. It was strange. I just assumed it was because he wanted to look good in your eyes like âHey! Iâm buddy buddy with the bestie of my crush!ââ She waved her fork in the air as she spoke and finally stabbed it into a potato wedge for a bite.Â
âThis is insane.â you sat there, appetite gone. Jenn never reciprocated feelings towards Mark. Jenn thought Mark liked me?, you thought. It felt like your efforts and feelings from the past few months were tumbling down. You were a step away from a spiral.
âWhatâs insane is that you thought I liked Mark. Donât you like him?âÂ
You suddenly started choking on your spit and Jenn was quick to hand you a glass of water.Â
For the rest of the meal, you explained everything to Jenn. From Mark approaching you in class, Haechan coming up with the horrible operation name (to which she gagged), and Jaeminâs talk with you from the other day. She was taken completely by surprise. To be fair, Jenn has always been pretty and has had people of all genders try their hand at flirting with her. Sheâs always been numb to it, so itâs not surprising that Mark and his loser-like charm didnât come across as romantic. You use the word âloserâ in the nicest way.Â
At the end of it all, Jenn is furious.
âI canât believe heâs ignoring you. And for no reason? After all you did for him? Albeit, it didnât work, and I hope you never try to set anyone else up with me ever again.â At that, you gave her a guilty smile and offered to buy her boba.Â
âDeal. Anyways, thatâs fucking ridiculous. Whatâs his problem?â
âI donât know,â you said, picking at your fries. âHe asked for space so Iâm just gonna give it to him.â
Jenn nods and you avoid her pity stares.
âJenn⊠I donât know what Iâm gonna do if I lose him, even as a friend. I-I really like him and Iâm so so scared. Like the only two ways I can see this going is him continuing to ignore me and we drift or⊠or I listen to Jaemin and be honest with him about how I feel. And then he decides to stop being friends with me.â
âOkay, the second one is bullshit. You know Mark wouldnât do that. Heâd freak out, yeah, but he wouldnât cut you off for that.â She scolds you, before taking another bite of your fries.
âI know. I knooow. But itâs still a fear I have. Iâm telling you Iâd rather be his friend and make a permanent home in this one sided love affair if it means I can still be in his life. Thatâs how insane my mind is.â You plop your head in your hands and let out what felt like a four-month-long repressed groan.Â
âY/N. You are probably the worst person for yourself.â Jenn clicks her teeth before hand-feeding you a fry, which you sadly munch on.
You sigh, âYeahâŠâ
âYeah,â Jenn winces, before pulling you in for a hug.
â ËïœĄâàšà§Ë *:ïŸâ§*:ïŸâ§
Mark Lee is spiraling.Â
âNo because when she looked at me when we were out on that lake, I swear my heart was on steroids. I felt like my whole body was covered in tiny hearts and they were all beating at the same time. It was insane.â
âUh huh,â Haechan mutters another one word response for what felt like the hundredth time today. He flipped through another page of the magazine before tossing it and reaching for Markâs Nintendo switch. He shook it in Markâs face as he paced back and forth.
âHuh? Oh yeah, go for it. Anyways, and when we drove home that day, dude, you shouldâve seen the look on her face. I hurt her so bad, but it was like my body was on auto-pilot. I didnât know what to do with myself. Like my brain and my heart were so confused. Because I like Jenn. I like Jenn, right? But why donât I get those tiny hearts with her?â
âI donât know, man. Damn, I canât catch this stupid spider.â Haechan curses, twiddling his thumb on the remote trying to find joy in Animal Crossing.
âAnd now Iâm not talking to both of them. But it doesnât feel like Iâm avoiding Jenn, but I can feel that Iâm avoiding Y/N and itâs killing me.â
âThen. Talk. To. Her.â Haechan enunciates every time he hits a button on the switch.
âWho?â Mark asks, dumbfounded. Mark has had this same exact conversation with Haechan at least twice a day for the past week. If he wasnât studying, he was bribing Haechan with food to come to his apartment to ramble.Â
âStupid spider,â Haechan slams the game on the couch cushion. âAnd stupid you. How many times do you have to circle around these same thoughts before you figure it out? Do I really have to say it, Mark? Iâm trying to save you the embarrassment of admitting something so obvious.â He leans back, crossing his arms to assert some dominance in this situation. Itâs ridiculous how many times Haechan has been tricked by food and games to be trapped in Markâs apartment for the second time today.Â
Mark just blinks, mouth slightly agape.
Haechan tilts his head, poking his cheek with his tongue. He raises his eyebrows, urging him to think just a little harder.
Mark finally looks up, as if a new thought crossed his mind. He gasps softly.
He covers his mouth as he mumbles, âNo wayâŠâ
Haechan rolls his eyes at his dramatics, âYes way.â
Mark pokes himself hard in the chest, âDo I like Y/N?â
âAnd he figures it out!â Haechan sarcastically cheers, clapping his hands. âNow can you buy me some actual food please?â
âNo no no. Sit down. Because now we need to discuss this.â Mark starts pulling at his hair, even more stressed out than he was before.
âOh my GOD,â Haechan screams. âWhat is there to discuss? You like her! Go tell her!â
Markâs eyes bugged out as if Haechan turned into a mythical being. âAre you insane? No, scratch that. Am I insane? I started talking to her because I liked her best friend. I asked her to help me get close to her best friend. Our entire relationship is essentially built on this crush and you want me to tell her that I like her? Oh god, she has to hate me. She definitely hates me.âÂ
Mark stopped pacing and dropped to the ground in a squat. Heâs full-on gripping his hair and Haechan is just watching. He forgot that Mark technically doesnât know she likes him back and he pities him for a second before thinking heâs stupid again for not noticing. Everyone noticed.Â
Mark finally raises his head and his face is left with tear trails. Haechan gets up immediately and wraps his arms around Markâs shoulders.
âOh, Marky,â Haechan sighs.
âShit.â
â ËïœĄâàšà§Ë *:ïŸâ§*:ïŸâ§
Mark (anatomy): hello!
Mark (anatomy): hi
Mark (anatomy): hey
Mark (anatomy): oh God sorry. I didnât know which one to send and i accidentally sent them all
Mark (anatomy): HAHAHAH uhhhâŠ
Mark (anatomy): can we talk? I wanna apologize in person.
You couldnât help but laugh rereading Markâs texts from this morning as you waited for him at the park. It took you an hour on your own and a 30-minute encouragement session with Jenn to work the confidence to agree to meet him. As nervous as you were to hear what he has to say, you missed him most of all and just wanted to see him. You sat on the second swing on the right, the same one you sat in when the two of you met outside of class the first time.
âY/N?â
âOh! Hi,â You got up from the swing to greet him, feeling a bit awkward. You could sense he felt weird too.Â
You and Mark are simply classmates. You've been paired up in group projects a couple of times in class and when you see each other on campus, you both timidly wave. But most of the time, you're staring at the back of his head in class, wondering what itâd be like to sit next to him and talk.
So when he asked for your number and texted to meet at the park, your heart felt like it was about to jump out of your chest. Could he see you boring holes into his head or does he look at you the same way?
You wiped your hands on your dress and clasped them in front of you as he stood in his spot, about two feet away.
Why did I wear a dress?, you thought. This is so embarrassing. I look like Iâm dressed for a date.
âYou look nice,â He says, smiling to break the ice and simultaneously ridding you of your fashion doubts.
âOh. Thanks,â you force a laugh, also trying to break the ice. âUm, why did you ask me to meet at a park?â
His eyes lit up and he chuckled, âI thought itâd be a good place for some scheming. You know, like in the movies.â
You blinked a few times, not quite catching on. âScheming?â
He took the swing next to you and sat down. You copied his actions, twisting to look at him. He kicked up to catch some air and swung slightly.
âOkay, this is going to be weird, because I know you barely know me.â Not true, I thought. âBut I wanted to ask you a favor. Half of my friends think Iâm a dick for this and the other half say that you look understanding, so maybe I should give it a shot. Jaemin was super against it though, so I feel like Iâm about to pee my pants right now. I thought about it for like two days and decided, you know what? It wouldnât hurt to see how you felt, so here I am.â He used his feet as breaks as he finished his ramble to look at you, to seriously look at you.
Your grip on the swings tightens and you can smell the rust smearing on your palms. You canât believe you get to see your crush this close to your face and he wants to ask you a favor. Your chest feels bubbly with anticipation. You nod, asking him to continue.
âI like Jenn.â The bubbles pop.
âO-oh,â you say. Your mouth has gone completely dry and the wind picked up to blow strands in your face. You quickly brush them away and swallow.
âYou⊠you like my Jenn?â I tightly tuck the strands behind your ears, trying to compose yourself. He giggles and picks up a loose one to help. Mark Lee, what are you doing to me?, you think.
âYeah. I wanna get closer to her and I know you guys are friends.â
âBest friends,â you clarify, hesitantly.
âRight, right. I know this is insane and Iâm like completely using you. So feel free to say no to helping me. You can probably see how desperate I am, but I also can take rejection pretty well! I think.â He tousled his hair with his hand and reoriented himself.Â
Clearing his throat, Mark admits, âIâm not⊠Iâm not the best with girls. My game is off completely and I think I really like Jenn. So I thought Iâd try. I wanna try. I just donât know where to start. So Iâm sorry if Iâm going the wrong way about this or if I offended you.â He huffs. The boy-next-door charm you always see him carry around campus fades and he looks defeated. Despite the slight crack I feel in your heart, it swelled looking into his eyes. He must really like her.
âIâll help you.â
Mark perked up, his whole body shaking the swingset. âWhat? Really?â His toothy grin returns and your heart lurches knowing it was partly because of you.
You nod, âMhm. You seem nice, I think Jenn would like you.â I like you, you thought.
He gets up and tackles you on the swings with a hug. You fall backward and he quickly catches the back of your head before it hits the ground, eyes wide in fear.
âOh my god, I almost killed you,â he laughs in disbelief. Youâre gonna be the death of me, Mark Lee.
âY/N!â
You almost drop your phone, looking up to meet the eyes of the boy that avoided you for almost two weeks. You thought you'd be overcome with anger, but you weren't. Instead, you felt exactly the same way you felt the first day at the park. Nervous.
âHey,â you smiled slightly, not getting up from your spot. Mark falters slightly noticing your cold front. He stumbles on the woodchips as he walks over to the swing next to you.
You two swing slightly in silence and you're beating yourself up in your head for not having the courage to curse him out. Jenn prepared you to go off on him and you canât even open your mouth, you whine to yourself. The more you two sit here, honestly, the angrier you get. Shouldnât he be saying something? He called you out here in the first place. Before you could utter a word, Mark finally clears his throat.Â
âIâm sorry.â
You lift your head to look at him, the first look at him since you took some time apart, and your heart already races when you meet his eyes. You know you're doomed when all the anger suddenly dissipates. You almost want to laugh at how silly this situation is. You still donât say anything, waiting for him to continue.
âYouâre probably confused as to why Iâve been avoiding you. At first, I didnât know why either. And I know that ignoring you without telling you why wasnât the move, but it helped me figure it out.â He broke eye contact with you and he started to fiddle with the rings on his fingers. His eyebrows are furrowed and he looks frustrated.
âI did it because I was scared. I was scared because I donât like Jenn anymore. Iâm starting to think I never did.â Mark confesses and he looks upset with himself. You get a good look at his face and you notice the eyebags, the pallor, and his chapped lips. He looks exhausted. You wonder if you look the same.
He sniffles. âIâm so sorry, Y/N. I literally put you through all of this just for me to realize I donât even like her. I used you. And I feel selfish because I still want you in my life.â
âMarkâŠ,â you finally speak, your throat feels rough as if itâs been days. âI have to tell you something.â Your voice came out like a whisper, but it was all the strength you had.
He looks up, a signal to continue.
âAs shitty as it was for you to ignore me for over a week, it let me do some thinking too,â you sigh, not wanting to say what comes next. âI donât think we can be friends right now. And-and donât worry, itâs not because of the whole 'you befriending me for Jenn' thing. I donât want you to feel guilty for that because I honestly feel so grateful to have been your friend. I hope, I guess, you feel the same way. But, uh, itâs actually because⊠itâs because I like you, Mark.â
His jaw drops slightly and his eyes widen, almost like he forgot how to function. It was almost cartoon-like.Â
âYeah,â you awkwardly laugh. âIâve actually liked you from the start, and Iâm not saying that to make you feel guilty. I just thought you should know â to help you understand. Anyways, I realized how hard it is for me to be friends with you when I have these feelings for you. It wouldnât be fair to me, and Iâd be dishonest to you if I continued being friends with you under the guise of purely platonic intentions, you know? I really, really hope you understand.âÂ
You let out a breath, half relieved and half anxious. After rehearsing that a few times with Jenn, you didnât expect the words to come out so smoothly. Especially when heâs staring at you like this. However, your pride fades as you wait for his response, a response that determines the future of your relationship.
âI donât understand,â Mark says firmly. Heâs shaking his head trying to wrap his mind around all of it. It feels like a rejection.
âMark,â you whine, not wanting him to finish his thought -- to spare yourself the awaited pain.
âNo, I donât understand because⊠because I like you too.â
Heat immediately flushed throughout your chest as you heard the three words you never expected to come out of Markâs mouth. Your mouth is itching to smile, but a part of you feels doubtful still, weighing down the corners of your lips.
âAre-are you sure? Like are you sure your mind isnât tricking you into thinking you like me because you realized you donât like Jenn?â You lean in, close to falling off the swings. You look at him with so much seriousness, but he meets you with a giggle.
âIf my mind was tricking me, itâs awfully persistent. I think⊠in trying to get Jenn to like me, I started to fall for you,â Mark says as if heâs putting the last piece of the puzzle down.
âThe image I had of Jenn wasnât what I expected and I think, while in denial, I was forcing it onto her. I was trying so hard to have real feelings for her, but I think I was also still trying because it meant I got to be with you. Our friendship was contingent on me getting with Jenn, so I guess I was subconsciously scared of losing us⊠But at the same time, deep down, I wanted more than just a friendship with you.â
Mark looks at you and he offers the widest smile like he found his answer. A smile that ignites the fuzzy fire in your body even more. Your heart is racing so loud you canât even hear your thoughts.
âMarcus Lee, I didnât know you had those words in you,â you giggle, trying to soften the conversation.
He shrugs, âDude, I didnât think I did either. I just really like you, Y/N. And to be honest, Haechan helped a little.â
As quickly as the happiness came, it washed away just as fast. No matter how ecstatic you were to hear Mark say he likes you back, you couldnât stop the disgusting doubt that lingered in your mind. Youâve always been in wing woman mode around him, and trying to imagine another scenario where you're the girl he wants is harder than you thought.
âMark?â you turned to look at him.
âYeah?â He looks at me with a different light in his eyes.
âI want to believe you, but... I canât. I canât really wrap my head around it, Iâm sorry.â you clasp your hands together out of nerves.
He dims only a little, âNo, I get it." He nods as if gathering the courage to say what's next.
"I can see how itâd be hard to believe. But Iâll prove it to youâŠ
I wonât let you doubt my feelings.â
â ËïœĄâàšà§Ë *:ïŸâ§*:ïŸâ§
A/N: ahhh thanks for reading if you did!!! the only proofreading i did was to change from first person to second person. sorry about the mistakes but thank you for enjoying it if you did <3
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Just imaging Reiner being unhealthily obsessed with his chubby black girlfriend and the fact that youâre a squirter.
cw//overstimulation, squirting, my bby is a little aggressive in this đ„č, dirty talk, clit play, light slapping and choking bc he would never hurt us
đ: I am so in love with this man like god help me! this has been stuck in my head for weeks now and I just canât get over it đ”âđ«
Mans practically worships the ground you walk on and is in love with your body from head to toe! It wasnât bad enough that you had him wrapped around your finger with just your personality and pretty face, but when you gave him that plump, juicy pussy, thatâs when he really became a fool. This reserved, sweet, big olâ teddy bear of a man turns into a pitiful little puppy dog of a simp when it comes to his woman.
but one night, heâs burrowed over you..legs pinned back so that he has ample room to work. His full body weight pressed firmly into your thick thighs as he keeps you pinned to the jolting and soaked mattress.
â..No running from me tonight, cupcake.. âgiving you all this dick..â
muttering between heavy breaths and long strokes. Reiner, trying his damndest to maintain his stamina. That fat, pulsating cock is constantly pumping its way through the tight canal of your swollen pussy. A creamy concoction of your arousal was all over his lower half and the bed sheets, making it a beautiful mess. The white mixture slathered down your beautiful almond skin. It was a sensation like none he had ever experienced before..
âLook at that pretty little pussy..so wet fâr me..I love it.â
warm, dripping wet and extremely tight; it melded to him with each thrust..one deeper than the next. But it was what followed that made him mad with passion, lust and pure love..
a splash of clear, urine like liquid showering him after a solid five minutes of pounding into you. When he felt that sudden twitch and the force of your palms against him, he had no other choice but to halt and when he did, he got to witness the waterworks first handïżŒ.
that shit was so sexy to himâŠand with his dick still nestled deep inside nonetheless. You couldnât ever get rid of him now! Even if you wanted..but that dick was way too good to even consider such a thing.
âFuck..thatâs so hot, baby..you have to do it again..â
he enjoyed it so much in fact, that he made you do it twice now. Squirting: he had heard about it but to experience and make his girl do it hit completely different.
Along with the sound of the headboard repeatedly slamming against the wall, pitiful cries and gravelly grunts..as well as the smacking of drenched skin colliding created the atmosphere in the room.
it drove him crazy seeing the soft plumpness of your lower half collide with his toned v-line and abs. Not only that, his heavy, full balls are slapping vehemently against your needy hole.
your eyes practically fighting to stay in the front of your head but the way he was digging in your spot, placing his claim on it..that was impossible! Those fat, thick lips covering the pretty pink insides of your sore little cunt were practically swallowing the sensitive red tip of his dick.
for an inkling of a moment, you manage to raise your hands to his chiseled stomach, trying to get him to pause momentarily.
â..daddy.. âs, too much..gotta stop.â
the quiet shrill barely making it out of your mouth after what was probably your third induced orgasm.
unfortunately for you, the pathetic pleading only adds fuel to his ever growing fire of passion. Itâs only when he pulls back for a split second do you catch a break but only to examine the aftermath of his work thus far.
suddenly, you hear a chuckle and see him lean down to gently stroke your face. The loving brush is followed by slow, deep tongue kisses that made you clamp up yet again.
â..not gonna happen, darling.â
the sight of those legs trembling uncontrollably, your pudgy stomach splayed in your own cum and your tongue hanging out..he couldnât help but be proud. For a moment, those rough hands groped your soft, round tits..
thatâs when he pushed himself back in and wasted no time stimulating you yet again. Deep, plunging strokes; one right after the next filled your womb and you could feel it in the pit of your tummy as well.
it felt so fucking good!..your legs were as good as useless right now so he doubled back and curled them up himself so he had full reign. Your quivering little spot was getting beat up but in the best way.
it was very overwhelming for him and he didnât know what to do with himself! As you clutched him tighter, Reiner decided to lightly clutch your throat. He could tell you liked that and it really pushed him further.
his pace was rough; fast, short thrusts and each one stabbing at your center.
âRight there! Fuck..Iâm gonna come, baby.. âgonna cum so hard for you..â
you better had been able to back that claim up because he was going to hold you to it in a second. Lubing the already saturated folds with his saliva, heâd press his thumb to your clit and massage tiny circles onto the bud.
he hit his final stride and it was if he were trying to put you through the bed! Those heavy grunts became louder as he got directly in your face, cooing for you to come. That sloppy little cunt was barely even containing him at this point..it was slipping out so he knew it was time.
â..you know what I want..do it for me, baby..squirt all over this fucking cock.â
after only a couple more aiding strokes, heâd massage that clit rapidly and bring you to your peak shortly after. Your breath caught for a moment before releasing a loud cry along with a stream of sweet arousal.
âOh God! Yes, Iâm coming! Iâm fucking coming..â
just as he desired, that sticky rain splattered everywhere in the line of fire. The sight was one to behold. And from the position you were folded up in, some even managed to catch your face and abdomen.
when you finally spilled your last drop, it was as if you flatlined and fainted; only slightly twitching afterwards. Reiner was utterly impressed and at a lost for words. Watching you do that broke him and heâd jerk himself in his palm; spilling a warm, gooey nut onto your thighs and stomach simultaneously.
that was game over for the both of you and heâd fall by your side to revel in the afterglow.
â..hey, look at me.â heâd beckon with a finger underneath your chin. Heâd lightly tap the side of your cheek to bring you back to consciousness and when he did, your eyes would meet.
it amazed him how you managed to look so beautiful even in the most vulnerable moments. Bringing your face closer, Reiner slid his tongue into your mouth and youâd make out passionately.
âYou did so fucking good, cupcake..thatâs my good girl..â
cooing softly in a whisper that made you feel so babied.
for now, you couldnât move a muscle. Your body and mind were stuck in that place of blissful ecstasy neither of you wanted to come out of.
the sheets, each otherâs skin..all soaked in that beautiful mess you made. He was officially hooked on you now and there was no way heâd ever give this up.
this amazing gift was all for him and no one else..forever and always.
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You Look So Perfect - Marc Spector X Reader
Request from @simpforbritgents :
"Iâm convinced that Marc would love and not be able to help fucking you (respectfully ofc) when you steal his clothes bc itâs all oversized on you and he knows you love wearing his clothes."
I'm OBSESSED with this idea so ofc I had to make it filthy :)))
CW: Smut under the cut, weed usage, alcohol consumption, oral (f receiving), fingering, light choking, praise kink, size kink, reader is referred to as "girl" - ie, "pretty girl", "sweet girl", "good girl", etc.
(lmk if I missed anything!)
Playlist: Salt and The Sea - The Lumineers, Mistakes - Sharon Van Etten, Come Here - Dominic Fike, Baby - Born Without Bones
Every reblog and like is appreciated - thank you all for the love on my first fic <3
Your boyfriend, Marc, wasn't home. He'd been gone since early in the morning, out chasing scarabs and such; this was pretty normal for him, and for you. He was rarely around during the days lately. You missed him. God, did you fucking miss him. Any time he was away, it was like he took your heart with him. Tonight wasn't any different, and you needed him. To have his arms wrapped around your waist, to take in his scent, to listen to his breathing as his chest moved beneath the rest of your head; just to be in the same fucking room for once. Even seeing him from a distance would suffice at this point.
You weren't sure what had you so worked up. Sure, you missed Marc, but you miss Marc every time he's gone, so what made today any different?
Regardless, you figured that sitting around and moping wouldn't fix the ache in your chest for him, or the flush in your cheeks from the tingling in your lower belly, or the stupid aphrodisiac effect that wine had on you (and you had drank about a half a bottle on your own,) so you decided to just go to bed and hope he's there when you wake up in the morning.
But that didn't work either.
An hour had passed, and you are still wide awake. With an annoyed groan, you sit up and grumpily make your way into the kitchen, bare feet shocking your system at the coolness of the tile beneath you. You shiver as you grab your box of joints from the cabinet, rubbing the goosebumps on your arms as you make your way back to your bedroom. You open the window and place the ashtray on the sill, reaching behind you to pick up Marc's sweater up off the couch, slipping it on as you climb out the window onto the fire escape, grabbing a joint from the box still sitting on the windowsill as you do so.
You let yourself drown in his massive sweater whilst you light the joint, the freezing cold air hitting you hard. You take a hit, holding the smoke deep in your lungs with a massive inhale, the scent of Marc hitting your nose as you do so. You exhale, and bury your nose into the neckline of his hoodie, taking in as much of his cologne as you can.
You stay sat on the fire escape for 15 minutes, smoking the entirety of the joint and longing for Marc; the soft hums of muffled indie playing throughout your apartment as your high fully hits. You shuffle back inside, closing the window behind you and dropping the box and ashtray to your side table with a clunk as you fall into your bed.
You leave the music on, fully basking in the size of Marc's hoodie, rolling around in it as if you were in a music video. You knew it was the weed talking, but it almost -almost- felt like he was holding you; his aroma surrounding you in a fog-like hug as you lazily hummed along to the song playing, giggling at nothing in particular.Â
You kicked off your sweatpants and stood up, bouncing around to the music as you filled your glass with more wine (not that you needed it,) and swayed around to the beat in some pitiful attempt to tire yourself out.
You werenât sure how long heâd been watching but as you opened your eyes and swirled around, your red eyes met Marc's dark ones.Â
âHi, sweetheart,â he smiles.Â
âMarc!â You squeal, running over to him and practically chucking yourself into his strong arms.
"I missed you so fucking much," he murmurs into your hair, the rasp in his voice sending shivers down your spine.
"Are you really here?" you whisper, holding onto him as if your life depended on it.
"Yeah, pretty girl," he chuckles, "I'm right here."
"I missed you so much. Had to smoke a whole J on my own to get you outta my head," you joke, poking at his ribs, "It didn't work, though."
"I'm sorry I was gone for so long," he sighs, pulling away from you and tossing his bag onto his floor, "But I-"
He pauses for a little too long, looking at you up and down like a man starved.
"But you...?" you prompt, waiting for him to finish his sentence.
"Nothing, I- it doesn't matter. You... Fuck- You look really fucking good in my sweater, baby," he groans, grabbing you by the waist.
"Oh?" you giggle, "You like it when I wear you clothes, hm?"
"Fuck, I really do. Lets me know you're mine," he whispers, swooping his head down to place a passionate kiss to your lips, "But as much as I like it on you, I think I'd prefer it off."
You blush and step back, slowly removing the sweater from yourself to reveal your bare chest and pink panties.
"Better?" you sheepishly ask, biting your lip as you smile.
"Much better," he sighs, taking a step towards you and pulling you toward him again, "God, I gotta taste you, pretty girl. Can I please, please taste you?"
"Please, Marc," you whimper as he places gentle kisses to your neck, the various substances coursing through your blood stream causing every little touch to set your skin on fire.
"C'mon, princess," he grunts as he picks you up bridal-style, carrying you back to your bed as you giggle and nip at his collar bones.
You cherished that small moment; having his tall, strong figure encapsulating your petite one in comparison to his. It made you feel safe - protected, like nothing could hurt you.
He gently places you onto the mattress, and in what feels like the same motion, grabs your ankles and pulls you to the edge of the bed.
"Gonna make you feel good, sweetheart. Been away so long, I gotta reward you for being so patient," he smirks as peppers kisses from your sternum down to your belly button.
"Please make me feel good, Marc. Missed you bad," you murmur, trying to restrain from begging him even though that's all you wanted to do. You'd get on your knees and fucking beg - that's how much you needed him.
He smiles and runs a finger over your clothed cunt, causing you to take a sharp breath. He tucks a finger under the waistband of your panties and pulls them down in the same motion, chucking them somewhere behind him.
"God, you're fucking perfect," he whispers, admiring the sight in front of him.
Meanwhile, you were admiring the sight below you.
He looked so fucking good. His big, lustful eyes gazed upon you like it was the first time he'd seen you naked. He was him, and you were you, but it was like it was the first time all over again.
"Marc," you whined, wriggling under the hold he had on your hips.
"What do you need, princess?" he asks, cocking his head to the side with a joking intonation in his voice.
"Please, just fucking touch me," you finally beg.
He smiles then, ducking his head between your thighs, placing a kiss to each inner thigh before kitten licking a single stripe through your folds. You moan and let your head fall back at the sudden relief.
He nips at your clit as he lets his hand explore your chest, tweaking your nipple as his fingers trace across it. The simple action feels like fireworks across your body, setting you on fire.
"You taste so good, sweet girl," Marc groans, licking his lips.
He dips his finger into your entrance, gathering your arousal on his thumb and raising his hand to your mouth.
"Open, baby," he says, swiping across your bottom lip. You do as he says, opening your mouth and taking his thumb onto your tongue, tasting yourself on him. You suck ever so slightly, though it's enough to send Marc into a crazed hunger. He fully attaches his lips to your clit, licking and sucking as he enters a finger into your hole, hooking it right where you needed him to.
"Oh my God, Marc... Fuck- Feels so fucking good," you moan, your head lulling to the side as he eats you out like he'll never touch you again.
"That's it, baby," he praises as you moan; something he'd do every so often as an act of incentive; of devotion, "Take what you need."
At that, you let your hips snap up, your clit bumping his nose with a strangled moan from you as Marc's hand makes its way up your stomach, grabbing at the flesh of your hips to keep you in place - just enough, though, that he'd still have control over you.
"Fuck, Marc... Need you," you whine, rolling your hips against him.
"You have me, sweetheart," he chuckles, the vibrations from the wonderous melody of his laugh like electricity against your aching core.
"Mh-mh," you moan, shaking your head, "Wanna fuck you."
"Oh, really?" he chuckles, ceasing his actions on your clit much to your dismay. He climbs on top of you, holding himself just inches from your face. He places a delicate kiss to your lips, but you're having none of it- pulling his lips to yours like they're your only source of oxygen. Passionate; all the yearning for him pouring out of your lips onto his.
"Please? I've been such a good girl for you- waited so long for you to come home... Didn't even touch myself," you mutter between kisses.
"Oh, fuck, y/n. You can't say shit like that," he groans as you feel him grow insatiably hard against your thigh.
"Can't help it," you groan, rutting your hips into him, "I need you to know how you make me feel."
"I'm boutta make you feel a whole lot better, dollface," he smirks.
To Be Continued...
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drunk on (the thought of loving) you
âËâč summary: five years of loving hanbin can be told within taking five shots.
âËâč genre: angst (idk if this is even sad at all.. VV SLICE OF LIFE), best friend!hanbin, collegel!au | wc: 2.2k
âËâč warning(s): swearing, mentions of drinking | inspo: thatâs what you get - paramore
âËâč a/n: idk this was kinda scrapped last month .. iâll just post this bc i wanna keep this acc alive!!!
i. the first shot
you vividly remember watching hanbin crying in the driverâs seat.
you were the first person he called right after he got dumped by his now ex-girlfriend; and all you could do was watch and offer him a few tissues from the passengerâs side, occasionally offering a âshe wasnât all that, anyway.â whenever hanbin would rant about how much he wasted his love on her just to get ghosted.
âi donât know anymore, y/n. am i that dumb to not notice she isnât into me?â he asks despite his throat dry from crying, looking at you.
and thatâs when you had that damn cheesy realization the moment you looked at hanbin again â the realization where youâve stupidly fallen for your long-time best friend and that stupid, high school love youâve been trying to avoid for all these years slowly dawns on you now despite both of you in college.
you shrug your feelings off for the meantime, âof course not. plus, you deserve someone way better.â you assure him.
the moment you arrive home, youâve had the whole night to confirm that you were, in fact, helplessly in love with sung hanbin.
you donât even know how it started â maybe it was during the one time he tiredly slept on your shoulder while on the way home from a field trip, or the way heâd always invite and mention you everywhere and anytime he could to the point even his friends thought you were together, and you donât even dare try to remember how he said âiâll love you whenever nobody is there to do it.â that one night during your nightly calls.
and as if that wasnât already a big wave enough, zhang haoâs reaction to it felt like a tsunami.
âsay youâre kidding right now.â zhang hao says in disbelief at your confession the next day, putting his drink down to focus solely on you. âyou, liking your â our best friend since middle school, right after his ass got dumped?â
you frown and shrug as a reply, âi donât know, everything just clicked that time. i think thatâs like three years worth of having to interpret his mixed signals towards me.â
zhang hao sighs at your confused state, taking a sip from his coffee before speaking up, âso youâve liked him for at least three years now?â
slowly nodding, you put your head in your hands. âgod, iâm such a fucking dumbass, hao.â you say exasperatedly as you dread the day youâd grow tired and finally confess to hanbin,
âyou think youâll try talking to him about it soon?â
âi donât think iâll ever have the guts to tell him, hao.â you say defeatedly, looking down at your phone to see that hanbin sent another really long rant about his ex. ânot when heâs still fresh out of a relationship, thatâs for sure.â
âiâm just scared that once i confess, iâll ruin everything. iâll ruin us.â
you felt helpless, hopeless even, just the mere thought of seeing hanbinâs pitiful reaction at your confession is enough to make you pass out in the bustling cafe you were in. what more when heâll start distancing himself days after? you were terrified.
zhang hao waves your fear off nonchalantly, âyouâll never know. what if youâre in some kind of drama and this could be your chance?â he tries to lighten the mood, smiling victoriously when you raise your eyebrows at him.
âdonât feed into my delusions hao,â you roll your eyes at him. âi'll just tell him once i'm over from this whole dumb âliking your best friendâ thing.â
âby the looks of it, i don't think that's happening anytime soon.â
you scoff and playfully hit zhang haoâs shoulder, receiving a small scowl from him, âbut you gotta admit, we make a good pair,â
âhe just doesn't love me that way.â
ii. the second shot
sometimes you wish you werenât too adamant on hanbin drinking his heartbreak out, especially now that youâre left with a drunk-out-of-his-mind hanbin in your apartment. (you mentally curse zhang hao for leaving earlier than expected.)
the night started off with the three of you making a toast to hanbin moving on, which then evolved into a mini ranting session about going into college life, then a sudden karaoke break, zhang hao leaving after, and now this.
youâre both slouched on the dining table, arms serving as your only pillow because for some reason you canât walk over to your sofa, and with no knowledge of time as you ramble on about the most random topics you could think of.
hanbin hums amusingly, âyâknow, even if you say nobody is there to love you, iâm always here as your best friend.â his words slurred and groggy. and even with the amount of alcohol in your system numbing your senses, you still felt that little sting in your heart, you only laugh as a reply.
âso you'll only ever see me as a friend?â
you hear him hum lowly, âof course, what else would i think of you as?â
right, of course.
ânot even more than a friend?â you, or the alcohol in your system, ask again. hanbin slowly hums again, the sound softening until you're met with nothing but the sound of the bustling city outside your apartment.
a few minutes passed by and you finally gain the strength to at least sit up, the sight of hanbin sleeping coming in full view â his slight pout, light breathing with a few snores here and there, and ruffled hair was honestly a sight you wished you could look at forever. but you swear the longer you stared at him, that god-awful feeling of regret starts to feel even stronger than before.
but that night, you fell in love with sung hanbin for a second time.
iii. the third shot
âyou know, we started talking again.â hanbin shares through the phone, going silent as he expects some reaction. no way.
you shift in your seat, âseriously? didnât you say you officially moved on like what, two years ago?â hanbin smiles sheepishly to himself before saying, âshe messaged me last night, so i replied. we talked the whole time i barely slept.â
âweâll hang out a bit after this actually! you wanna join us?â he offers innocently, your heart receiving a jab this time when you noticed how excited his voice seemed just at the mere thought of seeing her, you knew hanbin well enough to know he was madly in love yet again.
you stay silent for a few minutes before speaking up, âyou guys have fun, i donât wanna be the third-wheel between you two.â hanbin mumbles a small âawe,â before eventually ending the call to get ready.
next thing you know, youâre on facetime with zhang hao bawling your eyes out about what just happened. âsee i told you, heâs still hung up on her.â he says while walking around his apartment.
genuinely speaking you donât know whatâs worse, the harsh truth zhang hao was telling or the way you could barely hear his voice due to the amount of muffling and moving heâs doing.
âdid you see the way heâs talking about her? heâs literally the most obvious man alive.â
âyouâre really not helping me here hao.â
âright, sorry.â zhang hao immediately shuts up, humming a bit before speaking up again. âi know itâs not easy, but at least try to move on from him, yâknow?â he says, his voice filled with sympathy at your state.
before you could speak up zhang hao continues on, âitâs not possible, i know, or â i donât know, just tell him so you can get that burden off, iâm sure heâll understand anyway.â
you groan at the thought of confessing, âare those really my only choices?â
âunless you wanna live with getting hurt over and over again, yeah.â zhang hao shrugs.
you sigh at his advice, he was right after all, but every time you remember your friendship is at stake; you back out at the last minute. âiâve been handling this for two years, hao, donât you think i can handle two more?â zhang hao chuckles almost pitifully.
âof course not, youâve been handling this whole hanbin thing for, correction, five years too long. you've genuinely gone batshit crazy.â
âhonestly hao fuck you because was the last part really that necessary?â
iv. the fourth shot
god, youâre tired of hanbinâs constant compliments about her; how sheâs the best person in the world, how sheâs the prettiest girl heâs seen, how sheâs so special and dear to him. almost every conversation youâve had would always go back to something related about her, even if it meant the most absurd topics only you three would know. the topic could be about how zhang hao got lost in the middle of a forest and hanbin would still tie it back to her.
hell, he even mentions her even while drinking.
but youâve handled it for five years now, so whatâs the difference?
the three of you were celebrating your graduation in zhang haoâs apartment, the bouquet from your parents laying on the sofa while your togas were thrown across the room while zhang haoâs coffee table was filled with a bunch of soju and shot glasses you bought from a nearby convenience store.
âthank god weâre finally graduates, i can finally escape from all those girls taking candid pictures of me.â zhanghao sighs in relief the moment he starts downing his first drink of the night, pouring more.
âyou sure? i already saw new fansites of you online, theyâll never leave you alone at this rate.â hanbin retorts, you chuckle at zhang hao's horror as he's frantically checking his twitter to see pictures of him at his graduation.
the night, cliché enough, felt like a dream. the three of you basking in the temporary freedom of adulthood before you start looking for work.
as it went on, you missed the days where you could look at hanbin without noticing the stars in his eyes, the days where you could still speak full coherent sentences whenever his attention is fully on you, and zhang hao noticed.
âit's just hard to say no to someone you really loved,â you hear hanbin say, zhang hao had brought up his ex (to your absolute horror and zhang hao's drunkenness) and you've been quiet the whole conversation.
âespecially with her, it felt like i had no more to give but the moment we talked â there was still something left.â
you chuckle, not at him, but the way his words hit how you feel with hanbin right in the center. and yet you just can't refuse to give hanbin the little love you have left even when he's freely giving his own to someone else.
you take another shot to drown your feelings out more, âso you just can't say no, right?â you ask, seeing if he feels the same way.
hanbin smiles at you before nodding, placing his shot glass down to lean back on his chair. âyeah. you really can't.â he answers, confirming that you were both experiencing the same form of love. but painfully enough, just not towards each other.
god, was the truth so anticlimactic for you.
the way hanbin talks about her with the same lovestruck eyes whenever you talk about him to zhang hao, how you notice the little things in hanbin the way he also notices the little things in her â you knew it from the start.
but to see it slapped to your face despite knowing how it'll end, just felt like reality slowly kicking in the more drinks you take.
and now, under zhang hao's dim apartment lights, you realized that the truth that sung hanbin will never see you as more than his most cherished best friend since middle school, really does hurt.
you swear you were just drinking your first shot, but when you woke up to find yourself on zhang hao's bed; a loud snore coming from the living room andâ
v. the fifth shot
âyou awake?â
shit.
quickly turning to hanbin's figure by the bedroom door despite the pounding headache, you slowly nod. âjust woke up actually.â
as you slowly look at hanbin by the bedroom door, you immediately remember the day you realized your feelings for him â his face puffy from crying yet still so pretty under that orange sunset glow, his hands thatâd usually tap on the steering wheel when he was starting to calm down again, and the way his shirt was so wrinkled in one specific area from all the bunching.
it felt almost too poetic to have that sort of realization under the sunset in his car, almost as if youâre bidding goodbye to the days you used to look at him as just your best friend.
so you, or the remaining alcohol in your system figured, rather, that you make use of the sunrise to finally welcome the harsh truth of confessing to him.
and you did.
âi love you.â
youâre met with nothing but silence, looking down to save yourself from bawling your eyes out in front of him.
âiâve loved you for five years, hanbin. five fucking grueling years.â you manage to croak out, not noticing the way hanbin slowly makes his way towards you, nor the way his eyes significantly soften when he sees zhang haoâs sheets slowly staining from your tears.
a few minutes pass without much happening, the room only filled with the sounds of your sniffling.
âiâm sorry, y/n.â hanbin whispers, eventually embracing you to at least bring some comfort. but to his dismay, his actions just made you cry even harder; not because you just got rejected, but because of how soft his voice and embrace was it felt like he was pitying you.
in his defense, who wouldnât? you loved him for so long, despite knowing heâs still hung up on his ex-girlfriend and regardless will still see you as his most precious best friend. all he could do at the moment was continuously say âiâm sorryâ whenever you cling onto his shirt tighter as support.
as you continue to cry in his embrace, you realized that under the sunset, you were there to comfort hanbin. but as youâre both waiting for the sunrise, you figured heâll never be the one there for you like he promised.
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iâll never forget how intense the waiting time after Ozzieâs was, how hyped i got for the continuation of The Circus (i was actually open about the childhood friends thing back then, i used to be a huge fan of the Rachael Punk twitter person that always defends viv and i tried to keep an open mind about the retcon, i thought the critics were just dumb). the bar was so high and i wanted to see Ozzieâs finally pay off, and then my smile faded when Blitz said âmy dick is good but not that good MoxxâŠâ
this episode soured my relationship with the show and the âif you dont like stolitz youre homophobicâ sentiment did not help. i had to accept that i waited a year expecting a payoff for such an awesome plot point and thought-provoking character dynamic, and was met with mediocrity that only appeals to shippers and literally no one else. i want to see that Patreon leak regarding Stolas struggling with delusions bcs thats what made me root for him to change and improve as a person, i saw myself in him. i genuinely think Viv was embarrassed at the problematic parts of the ship and backtracked awkwardly in s2 to make it a uwu misunderstanding that could be resolved with a talk, now theres the hospital thing that went nowhere, what the fuck is she doing
Mood, Anon.
Ozzie's was the first time in a while I felt that Helluva might actually turn out to be a good story after all. I genuinely thought it was supposed to be a parallel to Loo Loo Land, how Stolas blithely dragged his beloved daughter around a shitty crumbling theme park all day, ignoring her protests, too caught up in his own head to care how miserable she was until he found her crying in that apple cart and there was no ignoring it anymore.
Watching Stolas follow up all that with a self-pitying song about how Blitzo was the one who broke his heart and lied to him was like getting dashed with ice cold water. Seeing Stars -- which sees Stolas continuing to paw Blitzo sexually while also backtracking on Stolas's progress with Octavia -- was like getting dashed with more ice cold water, except the water is also pee.
I think the same thing, that Vivzie decided halfway through that she liked Stolas and Stolitz, was tired of that whole problematic unbalanced relationship thing from literally the entirety of season 1, and wanted to get down to the cutesy uwu hand holding. To acknowledge Stolas as a bad person who makes the choice to put in the work to be better would mean admitting that Stolas did something wrong, that people night be justified in not liking him, and Vivzie can't have that where her favorite characters are concerned.
If you're watching her shows, you will like Stolas as much as she does and you will agree that he's the best thing to ever happen to Blitzo, or you're a homophobe.
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