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seasolsel · 8 months

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#diary #s.text #what is the line between knowing how some aspects of your personality grate on others and just being too self critical and loathing so #assuming the worst of yourself?? like genuinely how do i know when the reason i feel overbearing or unlikeable is because i AM being that #way vs. when it's just me not liking who i am so dramatising my own actions and other reactions and not understanding they're just not up t #it #like what is the solution what do i do #it's so frustrating it's driving me to tears #like #i met you 8 days ago and in the two times we met we've had our own little conversations despite being in groups made solely of your friends #once and mine the other and you were so forward in asking for my instagram and even more in asking for my number and this weekend we had ou #third ever conversation but we spoke on the phone for two hours straight and you only left because your friends called you to lunch and #we've been constantly texting and talking about everything from our lives so far to what fate and destiny means to what the best way to dea #with spice is and whether elephants or hedgehogs are cuter and it's been eight days and three complete conversations but i feel like i've #known you for eight years and three months and i've been in love before so i know this isn't THAT but i've bEEN IN LOVE BEFORE SO I KNOW IT #'S HEADING THERE and how do i figure out when i'm being too much so you won't respond the way you've suddenly been doing but am i making to #big a deal out of this???? ugh olivia rodrigo doesn't have a song for this

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old-desert · 3 months

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Trying to remember how to Clip Studio Paint again

featuring: Loop

#isat #in stars and time #isat loop #my art #desert art #art tag #problem at hand: I like how I stylise Loop's eyes but the shape is very hard to replicate #solution: trying to simplify the way of drawing it #because I can't do it in one take unlike in traditional (my hand is better trained for traditional)#the last img is just me beaming self-indulgence because I want to give Loop post-game clothes but I NEED THEIR STAR TO BE OUT #this is nowhere close to what I'd put them in though cause this doesn't feel very Loop-y to me

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ashipiko · 4 days

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DANCE WITH ME YOU LI-IA-IAR ♡

OVERBLOT ASHI??? ANYBODY??? the ANGST that this baby can store!!! SHEESH!!!!!!! <3 I only have one post dedicated to her and liar dance lyric analysis (the post is kinda outdated in gen) BUT…… I also have an overblot monologue as a treat 🫶 I wanted to better explain her angst and so!!! BABAM!!! enjoy

ASHI’S MONOLOGUE:

Sometimes I wonder why I ended up here.

A place named “Twisted Wonderland”, and at a school named “Night Raven College”.

At first, I figured that I was the odd one out— Y’know, the Ramshackle prefect and everything. The magicless girl at the magical all boys school? Nuts, ain’t it?

I’m known for a lot of things. Things that are different from the others. The fact that I stand out is part of the Ashi charm, something I’m known for.

But… Over time I found myself sorta feeling in place here.

Because as much as I try to believe it, I can’t safely say that I’m better than anyone else here.

I’m a fake. I make conversation and lots of friends, but for what? A backup in case something goes wrong? A sense of protection for my reputation? In what case are any of those friendships something I truly want? In what case are any of these strings more than just a tool instead of a thread made of my real feelings?

Behind this, I’m no different from any other student here. Even through my individuality, my cheerfulness, my endearing oddness… I’m still a horrible person. Using people to get what I want, toying with people and their feelings in order to gain power and gain a spot the top. All to become untouchable. It’s screwed. It’s not right.

My insides are ugly. The truth of me is something I want to keep tucked away deeply, because I don’t want people to see this part of me. A brash, annoying, selfish version of me, everything people hate to see. I don’t want this side of me to be seen because people will run away— people I don’t care much about, sures, but people I love, too. I don’t want to drive them away. So I keep quiet and give them a shallow show.

I give them a source of entertainment that’s controlled by the real me, every calculated movement translating into a marionette-like response. The only show I allow you to see is one that’s so carefully crafted by the chaotic clown backstage. The one that is shunned away from the light, the strings being the only hint of the puppet’s phony existence to the foolish audience.

But suddenly, I feel as if being here has started to let this side of me come crawling back into the spotlight.

It scares me.

It scares me to be vulnerable, let all of my faults lay out on the table like playing cards. To take the risk without the protection, to gamble everything I’ve built up away just like that. But you…

You.

You make me feel safe. You make me feel as if I don’t need to hide anything. I can give you the key to my heart and you would have no malicious intent. You wouldn’t cut out the parts people don’t like. You would enjoy the performance in full, every bit of it.

You make me believe that I’m nothing special, and yet something so valuable at the same time.

It’s silly. You’re silly. And yet that’s something that’s helped me.

It’s helped me realize that that truly is just how people are.

We aren’t villains. We aren’t antagonists. We aren’t monsters.

We are nothing but people, with faults and feelings that should be valued.

I am more than just a jester, a sake of entertainment.

I’m a person who is entirely worthy of love. All of me.

It reminds me that I must’ve came here for a reason.

Because this is where I belong.

#they drive me nuts. tbh #PLEASE LISTEN TO LIAR DANCE ITS SOOOOOOOOOO #!!! envy baby is also a big Ashi OB song #it’s so fun. she’s so fun #if you can’t tell her overblot works in like….. she IS the blot monster. or the (real) Ashi AKA the jester is #if she represents the true Ashi then the marionette Ashi represents what she pretends to be/puts out into the world #so even if you’re attacking the jestershi and the more antagonistic seeming of the two…… all you’re doing is feeding into the blot itself #as you’re doing what ashi’s afraid of— berating the real her #the solution is to kill the marionette!!! btw!!!!! and that’s what ace does #DW THEY ARE SO FINE AND OK. NO ISSUES HERE #ashace my beloved #ace trappola #ace trappola x oc #twst ace #twst yume #twst #twisted wonderland #twst oc #twst wonderland #disney twst #twst yuu #twst oc x canon #ashipiko draws ♪#twstshi #I DONT THINK I REALLY POST ABOUT ASHACE LORE A LOT #APRY FROM LIKE? THE FIC ITS IUST SILLIES #so I hope you guys enjoy!!!!!!

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sass-squat · 1 year

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Part 5 of the Linked Universe Winged Au! In the last poll you guys all voted for him so here he is, Wild!

<<< Previous Next >>>

As always, there has to be a silly little bird fact to start off with so did you know that the American Kestrel is the smallest falcon in North America and only weighs about 3-6 ounces which is the equivalent of 34 pennies? This fact isn't actually important lore wise for this headcanon, but it did remind me of the one post where someone discovered that BoTW Link weighs approximately 8.5 apples.

Anyways, as you may have guessed, Wild is heavily based on the American Kestrel because of their beautiful plumage and their unique behaviors and characteristics.

An example of one of these behaviors is that American Kestrels are known for capitalizing on favorable soaring conditions, such as mountain updrafts and thermals while traveling. In this headcanon, Wild shows this characteristic primarily through his use of Revali's Gale and his tendency to make fires in order to more easily take flight. While his methods are incredibly effective, they do also tend to scare the rest of the group the first time he does them. After all, it's not everyday you see someone make a fire and then run headfirst into it just to take off.

While this specific habit of his may appear to just be a funny little quirk that he just does because he's WILD, it's actually a result of his near death experience with Guardians. The scars on his face and body may be clearly visible to everyone around him, but the damage done to his wings is actually far less noticeable. His various injuries and scars actually have a major impact on his ability to take off and effect his stamina needed to maintain flight for long periods of time. Because of this, he tends to use the aforementioned methods to aid his flight or oftentimes simply chooses to leap off high surfaces and glide rather than attempt to take flight.

However, despite having difficulties with the initial takeoff and his struggles to maintain flight for long periods of time, he's actually very adept and capable of fighting in the air. The way he fights allows him to deliver sharp, agile, and accurate killing blows to his enemies in a way that others describe as, "Witnessing time seemingly slowing down for everyone but him." In other words, he's a real force to be reckoned in once he's finally airborne.

Anyways, there's more I could explain but that's all for now folks! As always, kudos to all those who read all that lore dump and thank you again for always being so kind and supportive! All your words of encouragement always inspire me to worker harder! Thank you all and please feel free to reach out with any questions or requests for who or what you would like to see next!

P.S. After much encouragement I did recently make a TikTok account where I'll try to be posting regularly! Feel free to check it and my Twitter out at sass_squat3! Thank you all again for your support! :D

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ladycrimsonandblack · 11 months

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So I’ve been trying to get into a new anime and had to force myself to go through the first three episodes because the protagonist did not sit well with me. Nothing bad about him, he’s just not the kind of intelligent bastard character I prefer.

And that got me thinking. I’ve been obsessed with Luffy for two years now. He’s my favorite One Piece character. He’s one of my favorite characters in all media, period. I adore him.

But, and I think we can all agree, he is very much not the sharpest crayon in the box.

Usually, I would hate this type of character. In fact, it was one of the reasons it took me so long to watch One Piece – I was one hundred percent sure Luffy would bore me. I saw the fandom joking around about his idiocy, and didn’t really look more into it before deciding that 900+ episodes is too long of an investment when I knew the main character is exactly the kind of protagonist I hate. The fact that I actually started One Piece was a total fluke, and I did it despite everything I saw and read about Luffy.

Here’s the thing. I still hate the stock shōnen characters. But I love Luffy, and I think that the main difference here is that Luffy is, before anything else, competent.

He is not a stupidly naive, bleeding-heart hero trying to see the best in everybody and having no actual connection to the real world. He does not bumble around, being tossed around by forces bigger than him and only resolving an impossible situation thanks to luck or being able to throw a bigger punch (though the punching bit does play a significant part). Luffy is always the instigator, the one in charge of the plot, the one driving the whole thing forward – the plot does not happen to Luffy, Luffy happens to the plot.

He’s not the smartest. Often, he’s not the strongest even. But when something needs to be done, when someone needs to step up and resolve the problem, he knows what to do. And he does not hesitate to do it, often in the most surprising of ways. He is a very simple thinker, but that simple thinking lets him see a clear line from a problem to a solution, without taking any detours a more intelligent character might have taken. It’s not just about who punches the strongest. It’s about pulling the right emotional lever (Robin in Enies Lobby), or finding a hidden weakness (Crocodile), or even about concocting the most outrageous solution that would resolve the situation immediately (destroying the Baratie, anyone?)

Also, he might not be the cleverest person around, but his insane emotional intelligence ensures that he does not have to be. He has friends for that. He surrounds himself with people who are smart and strong and just as competent as he is. His nakama do what he cannot, and so even this personal drawback is eliminated.

Luffy is just straight-up competent, in every way and situation possible. He does what needs to be done, always and without hesitation. And he does it well.

In his own way, he is just as effective as my personal favorite intelligent bastard characters. He’s just so much simpler about it.

#one piece #so this rambling character study actually made me realise #that maybe it's not the intelligent characters that are my favorite #but the competent ones #it's just that usually those characters are also the clever ones too #but then luffy here made me realize that i just like seeing characters actually doing something about their issues #and doing it well #and not just bumbling around and coming upon the solution thanks to luck or strength #and to be fair #luffy does use both #but he is so confident in his skills that you can never really doubt the final outcome #luffy knows exactly what he can do in any possible situation #and then does it #i love him

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chickenoptyrx · 3 months

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*sittin up projecting onto the baby blorbo when I should be sleeping*

#just havin a super normal 1 #ok but i neddta tag rant #prepare for typos #but #like ok imagine you havin your first real melt down #you dont know whats happenin just that you feel like your goin insane #and instead of helpin ya #your dad- the only person ever been lookin out for ya #his solution is restrict your freedom/ cut off access to this part of you that he was praisin and encouraging before #cause yknow it scares him now #now bein strong and aggressive is bad and you needta be quiet and calm #but ay since you cant act up now problem solved right?#he can just ignore it all now #no way this sudden unexpected shift will trigger a downward spiral or anything #....anyway yes im sayin the big evil bad guy is just an uwu over stimulated smol bean #...but fr every time paragus says ' there was somethin far darker about him ' i get sad for the dumb man baby #cause man hes talkin about his kid #blah blah blah ok sleep. thats a thing i should do soon

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flecks-of-stardust · 3 months

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[ID in alt text]

hi sorry still obsessed with this gif i got. it's so funny to me. my baby's little feets sticking out. the pearl in their hands. the slime mold 'walking.' the neuron glow receding. earlier i laughed so hard it hurt and it's still just as funny now watching this help

#rain world #ID in alt text #mentioned it in the ID but this is deserted wastelands! in the hydration system subregion #i had to get a screenshot of a room for a showcase but candy being glowy was. unhelpful. since i can't turn her neuron glow off #but also the screen i wanted to get had no walls to shove myself into (which is normally what i do to get the slugcat out of view)#the solution was to use DMS to remove all my sprites so i would be effectively invisible #except i still need to Get to that room. for that i need to see where i am #hence: slime mold #but then i started walking and laughed myself sick #gif warning #also i think it's pretty wild that almost everything you see in this gif was modded in #even candy is technically modded because i have pups+ on (though she ended up being a normal pup anyways)#candy's ID is 7661 if anyone would like to play with her

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fishsticksart · 11 months

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graduation 🎓🎊

i did it and made it through, onwards to bigger and better things

[Next Up Forever, AJR // Night Ride, Siemen Dijkstra // Finale (We Can't Wait to See What You Do Next), AJR // S9 Ep23, The Office // You're On Your Own, Kid, Taylor Swift // You're On Your Own, Kid, Taylor Swift // You're On Your Own, Kid, Taylor Swift // As It Was, Harry Styles // The Great War, Taylor Swift // Comic, @shhhitsfine // Fifteen, Taylor Swift // I Wrote This for You, Iain S. Thomas // Enchanted, Taylor Swift // tumblr user @francisforever2014 // Castle on the Hill, Ed Sheeran // tumblr user @jupiter-suggestion // Where'd All The Time Go?, Dr. Dog // tumblr user @dearalexandra-deactivated201409 // Night Changes, One Direction]

#web weaving #webweaving #web weave #i made this cause i couldnt choose what song or lyric caption i wanted to do to post for graduation #like there were so many good options so the solution was just to compile them here which was nice to put together #its also basically a love letter to taylor swift so shoutout to her and all of her songs 💀💀💀#not my usual style of webweaving cause theres a lot of white and text #but i think for the purpose its fitting and did what i wanted #but like i wish it was prettier lmaoooo #mainly just for myself as an expression of emotions and nostalgia and longing #graduation webweaving #graduation #im graduating #lyrics #song lyrics #taylor swift #taylor swift lyrics

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kaeyachi · 9 months

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NEW CANON KAEYA TIDBITS FROM THE KAEYA HANGOUT PT. 1

The heavy lore post will be posted later! These ones are just more on his personality, likes and dislikes, and brief history hehehe

SPOILERS BELOW!!

I'm doing things in bullet point form coz wow there's a lot

Was the gentle and polite child! Also frequently got sick. Addie frequently took care of him in those times hehe. Is it possible that this is because of his experiences prior to getting to Mond? Travelling as a child would have made him vulnerable to tougher weather and rapidly at that. I doubt that food comes easy too. Additionally, HE WAS LEFT IN A STORM. I still think Kaeya is gentle and polite, though he definitely gives the face of charming and sly (if it benefits him and it works then might as well keep it going!)

Kindness is so inherent in him that he automatically does kind acts. He only acts like he has an ulterior motive, and tbh? I bet that act is only to keep people away. I think I made a oneshot about this saying his biological father may be worried about this tendency? Or something similar. Worryingly enough, Kaeya clearly has a hard time accepting words of affirmation from literally everyone. Heartbreaking to see in action.

Diluc is a menace, asking Kaeya to help him in his mischief, tsk. Kaeya apparently also helps Diluc in the punishments he receives. Kaeya ended up doing the most of it :( (what are the odds of Kaeya also doing Diluc's paperwork while said redhead was out on the field? What if the reason Kaeya wasn't with Diluc and Crepus during that one fateful 18th birthday because he was covering for Diluc's shift...). Tbh? Kaeya never stopped covering for Diluc. Even now, he is still covering for Diluc (DKH).

This one set off alarms in my mind. Kaeya was apparently not a very good liar when he was younger. I now definitely think that Crepus knew Kaeya lied about his origins. The question is, did Diluc know Kaeya was not a strong liar before their fight? Or did he remember afterwards and was immediately faced with even more guilt?

He might actually have a sweet tooth! Dear god look at the number of desserts he ordered. Do note that Death Afternoon is a mixture that lessens the bitterness of Dandelion Wine. Additionally, Kaeya wasn't interested in wine when he was younger, he only grew into it because it reminds him of home after he left :( The Cider Lake drink is also sweet! And I'm guessing plain chicken mushroom skewers weren't sweet enough, so he decided to add fruits to it. I THINK CREPUS ACCIDENTALLY GOT HIM INTO LIKING ALCOHOL AFTER CREATING THE CIDER LAKE DRINK LMAO. Crepus suceeding in preventing alcohol intake from one child and ended up giving it to the other

Fairly sure he was being flirted on here by an entire group of mercenaries and just didn't realize which would make things extremely funny. They saw him and immediately went "we need to see that body in the dance floor ASAP". What if he doesn't realize he is being flirted on until he is slapped in the face with a confession? It's also funny if he flirts up a storm and not realize people are flirting back lmao

So I was right... he was not kicked out. He moved out on his own. Diluc is fine with him frequenting Dawn Winery, expects it even (lol my short 1 shot makes sense now). The staff keep asking him to come back and visit more frequently. Adelinde says that Kaeya is always part of the family. They become so happy when Kaeya comes back, it's like a weight is lifted off of everyone's chests. IT'S KAEYA WHO KEEPS SAYING HE'S A GUEST AND SEPARATING HIMSELF OUGH. He's the one trying to stay away after all :((( Let's summarize this: Kaeya was the sickly, quick to bruise, kind, gentle, and polite child who everyone in the staff (and Diluc) adores and still treats like he is their baby, but said baby of the family KEEPS LEAVING. Go home Kaeya!

Klee keeps looking for Kaeya! And Kaeya reads her bedtime stories!!! Hearing her voice ask where Kaeya was broke my heart, I think I'd like that used for angst purposes. Kaeya is once again letting a mischievous pyro user get away with causing mischief. Kaeya you enabler lmaaaoooo. Kaeya frequently rescues Klee from solitary confinement, done so enough times that Klee now does the same for him (I bet she thinks Kaeya is in solitary confinement whenever he's busy doing paperwork). Not to Kaebedo/Albekae you guys (I am Kaebedo/Albekae-ing you guys), but I'm fairly sure Kaeya and Albedo spend so much time together with Klee. Again, frequent enough that Albedo has tons of drawings of Kaeya (the 3 brushstrokes is a popular meme, but it actually is just a way to say that he has drawn Kaeya a lot. Bet he could draw Kaeya with his eyes closed haha). HE GOT THEM MATCHING GIFTS THATS ADORABLE

Speaking of gifts, he's a great gift giver! He really listens to people's needs and wants. What a thoughtful man (Diluc was right in his letters in hidden strife though. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF KAEYA). Speaking of, I'm guessing Kaeya is rich? Because I'm fairly sure the gifts were bought with his own pocket money and thus the huge amount of travel funds remaining (the gifts are expensive, surely it should have put a dent to the said funds had he used them)

THAT IS ALL FOR NOW, I MIGHT MAKE A PART 2 BECAUSE I WANT TO TACKLE MORE STUFF BUT THE PHOTO LIMIT GOT TO ME

#kaeya #kaeya alberich #kaeya hangout #kaeya hangout spoilers #genshin spoilers #other topics i want to discuss are diluc and his blatant big bro weakness of doing what the baby says #dude puts kaeya's gifts on display like a parent who would stick his child's drawings on a freezer #another one is that KOF captains are ALL actually rich and might not have realized that the money flowing around is a lot lol #one more is kaeya's strict distinction between informant and friend. His information network must be insane and frankly? Self-made and grow #we also see kaeya as a quick thinker multiple times and one with great strategies and solutions at that... what a skill #ALL THOSE AND MORE FOR PT 2. DAMN YOU PHOTO LIMIT

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tinartss · 6 months

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on moving out

#for context i drew this during the paradise of providence event👍#repost of old art #kavetham #haikaveh #i still think abt kaveh moving out often #always a bit torn between it signifying him getting back on his feet + regaining confidence in himself #but like sometimes he's a bit of an unreliable narrator....remember when he was like #hm. the first thing i will do w the prize money is move out and then build another palace but ten times bigger! like oh...kaveh.....#plus he can sometimes be blind (purposefully or not) to what's actually good for him..bc we (and alhaitham LOL) know the significance of #him having a home that's not just a house and how full circle of a moment that is for him #its always interesting to consider that their living situation in itself is this in-between flux moment #though i think kaveh trying his best to escape this “chapter of his life” isn't necessarily the solution.....#i still don't know how tumblr works so if u have to go thru all my yapping in these tags to repost i am so sorry </3 #ok thats all thank u for coming to my ted talk

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nagitosstolenhand · 4 months

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okay genuinely i hate the 'have eri or some other plot thing just de-age the league' solution to the lov as a plot point. like. did we even read the same manga. the whole POINT of the league is people forgetting or erasing them and the ways theyve suffered because of the hero system. literally erasing their entire lives all their suffering and all their joy to make them into cute innocent little kids is the exact OPPOSITE of what the ending of that arc should entail. and what about all the other people whove suffered because of the system? big sis magnes friend, all the ppl w mutant type quirks who rallied behind spinner, all the members of the MLA, and all the others we dont see, does eri just have to rewind all of them?? we don't need to reform the system we just need to use this literal child to reset everyone who we've made suffer back into small children so they dont stir up trouble for us anymore! sounds like a great plan! fucking hell

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acesammy · 8 months

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The thing about how sam’s arc in season 4 is often discussed is that people simultaneously acknowledge that the angels are bad, while claiming Sam is an idiot for rebelling against them.

like I have listened through three (3) rewatch podcasts and they always seem to fall into this loop of going ‘hey the angels are Obviously up to no good’ while also going ‘Sam is really stupid. Why would he trust a demon when literal angels are telling him to stop’

idk man. Maybe bc the angels are Obviously up to no good????

#And it’s a really good arc so it’s got more going on #BUT #y’all can’t recognize that the angels are being shady as fuck and offering awful solutions #while SIMULTANEOUSLY saying that Sam should trust them implicitly #and yes there’s a lot of like very personal religious rebellion that’s going on with Sam that IS a bit .. petulant isn’t the right word #but he’s reacting to a /personal/ slight bc angels were supposed to be his hope and they are Dicks #He /was/ blinded by that #but also keep in mind that the first time sam met the angels they were proposing that they kill 1k+ people #And then there’s the flip side of this #which is that Sam gets to the point where he accepts that he’s evil. That what he’s doing is turning him into a monster.#but that doesn’t matter. /he/ doesn’t matter. So long as it saves the world #I mean the angels obviously aren’t trying too hard #lea speaks #sorry I keep dragging up dumb shit abt spn #idk I just want to get it out and this is a nice void to do so

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cosmogenous · 3 months

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woops, you're pathologizing a normal human behaviour again

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soranker · 5 months

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hi….! any chance we can see your art process ? it’s fine if not! i was wondering if u do a sketch before your lines or you just skip directly to lineart? your art is very beautiful!

HI!!! AUGGHHHJHH THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH T__T my art style is kinda simple imo so my process is pretty bare-bones ^^;; there's not rly much too it!! it also kinda changes depending on how uhhhh lazy im feeling in the moment HAHA

probably around half of my drawings are straight to line art bc they're rly just doodles or things i decide to draw without any planning (but also im kinda impatient so i try to skip the sketching step if i can LOL...). but if i DO have a specific pose in mind for a drawing, i'll start with a sort of mannequin sketch or loose pass, then depending on how messy it is, ill either do the lineart pass on the layer on top or duplicate the sketch and then clean it up.

and then my coloring process is not sophisticated at all i just create a new layer and then paint bucket tool away LMAOOOO

here's an example of a drawing where i did sketch first ^_^

#clarification on the second image: usually when i make changes to the sketch i just go straight to lineart rather than doing a second pass #which i what i did for this drawing. i just like to minimize how many sketch passes i do (again bc i am impatient and lazy lol)#but also bc personally i get frustrated when my lineart doesnt turn out like my sketch so the solution my brain came up with is to..#...skip sketching i guess LMAO;;#idk if this was helpful or not AHGHAAH my process is rly nothing fancy and there's not much to show T_T;#ALSO OMFG IM SOOOOOO SORRY THIS TOOK ME SO LONG TO RESPOND TO GKJFHDJG THIS WAS SENT LIKE A MONTH AGO I THINK T_____T #i saw this when i got off the plane coming home from a trip and then i remembered it a few days later #but then in the middle of writing my answer i left to eat dinner and forgot to save so when i came back the page refreshed #and deleted everything i wrote T____T AND THEN IFORGOT ABT IT AGAIN

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iwritenarrativesandstuff · 10 months

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I've been thinking about how Vash always seems to be hungry. Or at least, that he's shown eating quite often in the manga. Happily having his salmon sandwiches. Eating an entire box of donuts in the side car. Knowing the conversion rate of bullets to pizza. Seeing a flower and immediately wondering if it's edible. Pondering his life over breakfast. It's a really cute little character detail about him - he likes food.

But then I kind of started to think about the angel arm and its specific brand of destruction. How there were no bodies to be recovered. Nothing but a crater left of July, left on the Fifth Moon. It's all been incinerated. Devoured, even. Tristamp takes it even a step further and makes the power something akin to a black hole - a yawning drain; a constant destructive hunger.

Vash is clearly terrified of this potential for destruction, and for very good reason. But it's not separate from him as some kind of "power he can't control" - it's his arm. It's literally his arm. It is him. Vash is scared of himself, scared of losing control. He does what he can to repress it, even subconsciously (the gaps in his memory whenever it activates). He can't control it in the moment, so he takes steps to preemptively push it down, to avoid the use of his abilities entirely, to hide himself away.

I talked a bit in a previous post about how there are probably several interrelated reasons for Vash's chronically avoidant behaviour, but I'd like to throw one more into the ring and suggest that it's not just a matter of not deserving to want things, but maybe also that he's afraid of wanting. That if he allows himself to even think about what he wants personally that he'll want too much, take too much, and that the only cure in his mind for this is to give and give repeatedly.

I wonder how starved he is for love. Vash loves hard, after all. Once he loves (and I’m not talking about the broad, distant love/compassion he has in general), for better or worse, he carries them around with him forever, long after they've passed. Does he feel like it'd be selfish to admit this kind of want? His love isn't really a passive thing after all - it's the drive at his very core; a mournful inferno he is just barely suppressing. Does he remember how to love in a way that doesn't consume him entirely?

Is that part of the reason he checks out at signs of intimacy? Diverts gifts towards others? Tends to accept kind gestures only when under an assumed name? Intentionally starves himself in Tristamp? Runs and runs and runs? Is he afraid he won't be able to stop hungering? That allowing himself to want means his want will become insatiable?

I just have to wonder how much of his avoidance of connection is being scared that he will cause more destruction (to them? or to him?) by trying to take far too much into his hands than he ever caused by turning his back and running.

...of course I may just be entirely deranged here sorry.

#yeah idk either i wrote this in a haze at 1 am #also i have not yet finished trimax so idk how these kinds of matters are going to be tackled or if i am way off base #if nothing else this kind of reads like one of my guilt spirals and writing it out made me realize how batshit insane i must sound #outside of my own head so if nothing else i guess it was kind of useful for that?#anyways. vash's solution to being hungry all the time is to pretend he isn't hungry for so long he doesn't know what he craves anymore #incredible.#on that note by contrast i'm intrigued by meryl and milly ordering their trademark food and drink with such confidence #also i do love how this fear of a part of himself conflicts so strongly with how incredibly confident he is otherwise #cool character choices you know?#aghhh ok i guess i'll post this before i chicken out. i can always delete it if i hate it after #trigun #trimax #tristamp #vash the stampede #storyrambles

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greenerteacups · 1 month

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thoughts on Ginny and Harry as a couple?

There are a lot of people who find their romance in HBP forced. I don't think it's forced so much as underwritten, and the books don't get the chemistry quite right (though the movies certainly don't, either). There's potential, but they just don't get enough actual scenes of substance (besides Harry thinking she's pretty or feeling jealous of Dean) for a lot of readers to buy that they're not only in love, but deeply enough in love to break up, get back together, and wind up married.

That's not to say I don't see the appeal. There's a very cool scene in Book 5 where Harry's doing a woe-is-me-Chosen-One act, and Ginny effortlessly puts him in his place about it by reminding him that she was possessed by Voldemort at eleven, which is a rare glimpse into her character and also a great synecdoche for their relationship — Ginny is a grounding presence who, like Ron and Hermione, isn't going to be awed by his past adventures because she knew him before they happened. In that respect, Ginny's probably one of the few women Harry could feasibly wind up with, because he only ever seems comfortable around people (let alone girls) who can see past the Chosen-One schtick and treat him like a normo (see: Ron, Hermione, the Weasleys, Luna, Hagrid). True to type, he doesn't get interested in Ginny at all until she's ditched her celebrity crush and ceased to view him as an idol, because in his heart of hearts, Harry wants to be a normal boy, and it's stressed over and over that part of what he likes about his relationship with Ginny is how normal it feels. He kind of has a horribly supercharged version the celebrity dating problem: after the Battle of Hogwarts, anyone he meets is going to know him first as Harry Potter, Chosen One, Boy Who Lived, and Actually Fucking Resurrected Messiah of the Wizarding World, which is... I mean, it's possible that there are witches out there who could get over that, but Harry's not an extroverted guy, and I'm not sure how he'd go about finding them. Ginny's the one who's been there since the beginning, doesn't need anything about him or his past explained to her, and actually likes him for who he is.

When you look at it that way, it's not surprising he married his high school girlfriend. She's one of the few people still alive who doesn't see him as a demigod.

#in general I was never one to ship harry with anybody #what I wanted for him was a long quiet life and plenty of therapy #maybe some dogs. i think harry needs dogs and deserves them #The other obvious solution ftr — though not one I think Harry would take — is for him to marry a muggle #though again. you'd run into the problem of how you explain All That #which harry doesn't like to talk about and probably would want to talk about even less as an adult #plus also: harry loves magic. like he loves it loves it #the muggle world for harry is permanently connected with the dursleys and it would take years to break that association #which I just don't think he's going to invest #Harry post-BOH is moving to Hogsmeade or wizarding London or some other magical neighborhood and staying there forever #by the way this post is not anti Harry and Ginny! no hate on the ship I've seen versions of it that are very cute #but I just think their love story needed Sauce #there are also some really interesting posts I've found in Deep Fandom crackship blogs about h/g as Harry's sublimated desire for Ron #now I don't necessarily buy that reading. I don't think Harry is in love with Ron in the original text #I do think he LOVES ron and projects that love onto the Weasleys very quickly ginny included #and I think Ron is his soulmate platonic or otherwise in every universe #so marrying Ginny has like. Implications. vis-a-vis Harry's status as a Weasley and adoptive brother[in law] of Ron #like it's a full-circle moment where he becomes officially legally a member of Ron's family #which I do believe JKR had in mind. even though that basically means ginny's wedding becomes kinda... actually... about her brother...#it's weird basically. my final verdict is I wish H/G had been written by an author who was more interested in Ginny for Ginny's sake.#greenteacup asks

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