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#what is the line between knowing how some aspects of your personality grate on others and just being too self critical and loathing so
seasolsel · 8 months
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#diary#s.text#what is the line between knowing how some aspects of your personality grate on others and just being too self critical and loathing so#assuming the worst of yourself?? like genuinely how do i know when the reason i feel overbearing or unlikeable is because i AM being that#way vs. when it's just me not liking who i am so dramatising my own actions and other reactions and not understanding they're just not up t#it#like what is the solution what do i do#it's so frustrating it's driving me to tears#like#i met you 8 days ago and in the two times we met we've had our own little conversations despite being in groups made solely of your friends#once and mine the other and you were so forward in asking for my instagram and even more in asking for my number and this weekend we had ou#third ever conversation but we spoke on the phone for two hours straight and you only left because your friends called you to lunch and#we've been constantly texting and talking about everything from our lives so far to what fate and destiny means to what the best way to dea#with spice is and whether elephants or hedgehogs are cuter and it's been eight days and three complete conversations but i feel like i've#known you for eight years and three months and i've been in love before so i know this isn't THAT but i've bEEN IN LOVE BEFORE SO I KNOW IT#'S HEADING THERE and how do i figure out when i'm being too much so you won't respond the way you've suddenly been doing but am i making to#big a deal out of this???? ugh olivia rodrigo doesn't have a song for this
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borderlandsresearcher · 3 months
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MK1 Girlies x Reader:
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What She Smells Like 🪷
WOMEN LOVERS COME GET Y'ALL FOOD!!!
CW: suggestive, mentions of polyamory, gn reader, not proofread.
(A/N @ the bottom)
Kitana
-lotus flower, cherry blossom, rose
* Kitana's fragrance is a comforting mixture of various native Edenian plants, as she spends most of her free time frolicking in the palace gardens. Every night she is greeted with a warm, steaming bath, littered with petals from her favourite flower. She loves nothing more than soaking in the essences of her homeland, feeling connected to both herself and nature.
* When she's on duty serving her sister, the leather from her armour overwhelmingly distracts from her natural scent. She found a way to kombat this by leaving small flowers in her pockets and spritzing on the perfume she made between each break.
* When you're not around, she misses your scent more than anything. She'll steal one of your shirts and cuddle with it until she falls asleep. She has gotten too used to you being around, and it devastates her everytime you leave.
* Because of this, you leave behind a bottle of your perfume for Kitana each time you know you will be gone for a long period of time. She is slightly embarrassed when she finds out you know about her habits, but is grateful for your thoughtfulness.
Mileena
-dark cherry
* Smells like you/Tanya let's be honest
* She tries her best to maintain a consistent scent by using various products, ranging from perfumes to body creams to lip gloss!
* Her scent may be a little overwhelming at times, but with the amount of running around she does it tends to wear off throughout the day.
* She sweats quite often, especially during training. Neither you or Tanya seem to mind, expressing that you both love her no matter how smelly she is after training 😆
Sindel
-lavender, sage
* She bathes in various flowers, similar to Kitana.
* During the mourning period of her late husband, she would burn many plants in his honour. She did this so often that the smoke would rub off on her, following her throughout the day.
* When she's feeling down, she allows her daughters to braid flowers into her hair, the aroma complimenting her feminine aura.
* Just like Kitana , she craves your scent whenever you aren't around.
* When Jerrod returns as Ermac, she is overjoyed. She now gets to revel in the warmth of her lovers, appreciating each of your unique scents.
Li Mei
-lavender
* Li Mei learned all of her beauty tips from Sindel, including proper perfume application.
* Sindel gifted her with a vial of lavender perfume from her personal collection for her to sneak into the Umgadi inner sanctum, although she never used it ...
* That was until she was disgraced, and she deeply missed the smell of her empress. She wore it as frequently as possible, and as she climbed her way up the ranks to First Constable, she was able to afford as many bottles of liquid lavender as she desired.
* To you, it was simply the scent she enjoyed. But to her, it was a reminder to whom she serves, and the memories she had lost along the way.
Tanya
-Almond, vanilla, coconut
*The Umgadi are strict on cleanliness, but not so much on luxuries such as perfumes or scented creams. It borders on the line of vanity, which they frown upon. Fortunately, Edenian women tend to value their hair above any other beauty aspect, a trend indirectly started by Empress Sindel.
*The Umgadi embrace this tradition, and allow for the sisters to indulge in frequent haircare, as long as it does not distract from their duties.
*Tanya takes advantage of this. She not only wants to look, but to smell good for both you and Mileena. She works scented oils into her hair, perhaps a bit more than what she actually needs, but anything to make an impression on her lovers. And if you're lucky enough to get some alone time together, she'll let you do it for her, as well as returning the favour.
*Begins to smell like you/Mileena if she's around you long enough.
Ashrah
-dragons blood, rose
* Demons emit a strong musk depending on their mood.
* When she's happy, she'll smell of dragons blood and roses, which is the one you are most accustomed to, seeing as your presence brings her joy.
* When sad, she smells of rain and moss. It is your least favourite scent for this reason...
* When she's lustful, she'll smell of cinnamon and other spices. You and Syzoth are the only ones to have witnessed such a scent.
Nitara
-blood orange, amber
* Despite what you may think, Vaternians care quite a bit about the way they smell, as they are always seeking a potential mate.
* Although, these scents will usually consist of things that attract their own kind, such as human blood.
* But for you? She goes the extra mile. Bathing herself with citrus, spending the few coins she has on exotic Sun Do spices to rub into her clothes, and even changing her diet to animal blood as to not attract others. You are the only mate she desires.
Khameleon
-Tea tree, peppermint, coconut
* Like Tanya, she takes advantage of this loophole. Before she met you, she never really paid attention to how she smelled. The only requirement was that she was clean and presentable in the eyes of the royal family.
* When the two of you started seeing each other, she started to notice little things she normally wouldn't in other people. Your scent, the way you breathe, the way your heart beats fast when she lay on your chest during those rare private moments-- she noticed it all.
* All she wanted was for you to see her the way she sees you, so she goes to Tanya for advice. Now, the girls pamper their hair together, giving each other knowing looks as they do so.
🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷
A/N: Hope this was alright, lemme know your thoughts and whether you agree with my choices or not!!! I am open to constructive criticism :)
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alevolpe · 3 months
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Hi :) How are you? (This is going to be a lengthy ask lol)
You mentioned in one of your posts that you would like to see the relationship between the senshi and the normal everyday people and perhaps the humans turning against the Senshi.
What do you think about the enemy working with the human government to take down the Senshi to fulfill their goal of forming their empire or whatever and what your headcanon might predict of how it's all going to go down?
I wish the SM franchise would explore more with the outsiders perspective and relationship between the senshi's.
Hi! Sorry you've prob waited a while for this one, my bad.
But yeah, I've mentioned before that the public has an active and rocky relationship with the senshi.
It's a very mixed bag! But overall, to grossly generalize, most younger people are in favor of them and idolize them, while older people and parents tend to scrutinize and antagonise them.
They are unknown beings, who just pop in out of nowhere and at best cause property damage and at worst, well cause some casualties (in my hc, sometimes they fail and people die, it's unfortunate, but it's a reality they have to live with).
Say you're a parent your child turned into an otherworldly creature, a group of 'defenders' shows up and leads you away while promising you they'll try their best to save your child. Next thing you know, one of them walks to you with simply a bag of dust in their hands and a devastated expression, but no words spoken, and they leave.
This is what I see a few people experienced, parents, friends, siblings.. they can't really see past their own grief to understand that these saviors aren't just perfect immortal beings who can just decided who gets to live and who doesn't. They're human, like them, but not quite.
On the other hand, I see people adoring and respecting them, on the more superficial side cause they are superheroes and why wouldn't you idolize a person with super powers, furthermore on the more emotional side, people have been saved or have had other people saved by them. They're grateful and compassionate.
I can totally understand both sides, at the end of the day, people are scared of the unknown, you can't totally blame them for not trusting the senshi, no matter how many justice speeches they deliver.
Going more into the lore aspect, I don't really see the government working with the enemy, it's a neat idea, but I wouldn't really fit in my narrative.
I was thinking more along the lines of a subtle influence by the enemy. Pushing the public to hate the senshi more and more, to the point that they can't even show up by themselves without risking getting attacked by mobs for people.
After a particular deadly explosion, the public perception of them has hit an all time low, and the new enemy strives to dig that even deeper and deeper.
It starts with news articles after rumors and interviews, all these factors fueling a never-ending machine of paranoia. The senshi show up on missions like they always do, all of a sudden, stones get tossed, along with insults and threats. It gets so bad that they can't even transform without informing the others, they can't travel alone, they are just in a form of hiding, powerless to help people without putting themselves in massive danger.
Small note, but I think this situation in particular is very compelling. Seeing how differently the girls take on the issue of not being able to help the public cause the public does not want to be helped. Especially for Mina, she basically has to make the very hard decision of prioritizing the safety of her girls over the safety of innocent people and this could cause a lot of super interesting clashes within the group.
Going even further, it gets worse and now random girls start getting attacked and so forth. You kind of see what I'm getting at. This is the plot of one fo the seasons in my narrative.
It's not really government vs senshi, but the actual public is against them. I think it's very interesting, but I'm still very much in writing limbo, so that's how far I'll say about
Thank you for the ask! Hopefully this is the answer u were looking for.
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tasteofgummies · 1 year
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Hi! Can I relationship dynamic with Kakyoin and if not too much Jotaro p3? I'm Russian, she/her, Gemini, INFP. I'm big fan of histotlry and also a future architector. My hobby is learning languages (English, German, Latin, French and Japanese). I have no particular preferences in movies and other media, but as a rule it is some kind of art house or "underground", whether it's a movie or a book.👺 I'm a gamer with a huge experience and will never refuse to play anything, be it dark souls and starcraft or even sekiro with minecraft. Oh yeah, I have dysgraphia and trouble with speech (sometimes I speak too fast and people can't understand me, and often with it I literally break off sentences without realizing it). Also, I'm very short in appearance and look younger than my age. I can be described as an extremely chaotic meme person who is never afraid to break the rules and has a reputation for being a very kind and smart rebel. Just a person who is not afraid to tell the system to its face what thinks about it ('cause of this, I was given the nickname metapunk lol)
/sorry if too many mistakes, have a nice day :3
In all honesty, I don't know anything about gaming, so I couldn't dive into that aspect as much as I would have liked (specially with Kakyoin)
Kakyoin x you ✨
>Omg gamer boy meets his soulmate
>When you're in a more advanced stage on the relationship and he relaxes more, makes so many game related jokes and tries to embarrass you calling you "discord kitten" or "pogchamp"
>Is there to insult incels who call you slurs in the chat, he's surprisingly sassy
>I feel like Kakyoin knows a bit of everything, so is happy that you can deepen his knowledge with yours
>You two can talk for HOURS
>He just loves your nickname, metapunk just sounds so damn badass
>I thinks his favorite bits of history are the ones that have to do with strategy, so probably The wars of roses and south american independence as a whole (San Martín, Simón Bolívar, stuff like that)
>He knows japanese and english, but it's interested in learning more, I see him picking an interest for chinese and german
>Loves that you're going to be an architect! He will take on dates to historical neighborhoods so you can take a look at the architecture
>He is very patient and non judgemental, so if he doesn't understand, he'll just tell you and go on, so conversation between you two flow very naturally and nicely
>He loves that you can challenge his way of thinking. As an average japanese person, he's been taught to really fall in line without questions, so you speaking up against the flawed system is truly something amusing to him
>It also helps him to be less harsh on himself, and recover his power as an individual and not a number. When he's feeling burned out, he feels useless and like a disappointment, so when you are there to comfort him and tell him it's the educational system that failed him, it gives him a sense of relief
>Jokingly says you're a terrible influence, but he couldn't be more grateful
>He's open to anything, and is very quiet during movies, so it may seem like he doesn't like them, but he's just concentrated
>Will analize it with you afterwards, it's like bonding time<3
>He can match your chaotic energy surprisingly well, and uses his composed image to his advantage
>Helps you if you have to sign a document or something
>Unlike other characters, he's pretty average height, so being taller than you is not something that really affects him? He wouldn't be an asshole if he had to help you get something from a tall shelf, for example
>"I'm forever grateful you came into my life, the things that you have taught me, about the world, about you, even about myself... I love you, and I know that everything we have experienced together has shaped my way to navigate the world forever, and in that spirit, I will give my everything to keep you by my side."
Jotaro x you ✨
>He likes how kind and sincere you are
>You aren't after him for something frivolous, you really want to get to know him
>Likes that you're opinionated, but doesn't have much of a stance on politics, Jotaro grew up in generational wealth, and has the Speedwagon foundation, so he can understand where you're coming from, but can't really grasp the effects this kind of thing has on the lives of millions of people
>Doesn't really put any effort in learning things he doesn't care about (like school) so he will listen to you talking, but will tell you if he doesn't like it
>Likes to hear you talk, he's quiet, so it's nice having you rambling about something
>Jotaro is smart in ways people don't really give him credit for, so even if you cut sentences, or are slurring out your words, it's very likely he will still understand what you mean
>He knows about gaming for Kakyoin, he may buy a console if there's something he can play with you
>He enjoys games like animal crossing, the sims, slime rancher, and his favorite is Subnautica. He may also like games about detectives/solving crimes
>Jotaro knows japanese, english, and he picked some italian and french from Pol and his grandma Suzie, later in life he learns conversational spanish for work related reasons.
>You should try to teach him russian, I think russian is a very fitting language for Jotaro, it may sound harsh to some people, but it's just direct with what it's meant to communicate
>Likes that you're not afraid to break the rules, but his smile quicky vanishes when he realizes how chaotic you can get...
>Won't go along with your antics, but will still be there so you don't get hurt or something
>Doesn't care if it's underground as long as it's not too psychedelic, as long as he can understand what is going on in the screen/book, he's satisfied
>His personal preference is detective related media or documentals
>Won't be an asshole about his height either, but gets protective when he realizes how small you are compared to him
>Likes holding your hand in his, although it's almost like he's enveloping your hand
>"I like you, I do. You're annoying and reckless sometimes, but you can stand on your ground and I like that. There's a lot of things I like about you... I- I mean, I shouldn't have to say it, but I love you, in case you forgot or whatever."
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skadren · 2 years
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Hm... what's the line between characters there to help character having issues vs characters fully coddling and removing character autonomy? Even irl it can be hard to tell when something is too much and then you get a lot of resentment out of it (cough cough parents)
oh i'd definitely say irl it's much harder to tell, especially since that depends on an individual and their circumstances etc etc so you can never really draw a hard line
in fiction, though, there are definitely a few factors that make "help" extremely uncomfortable to read, at least for me personally:
if the character's wishes are repeatedly voiced but intentionally being ignored because it's not what's "best for them", and later on they feel guilty for wanting otherwise because they were "wrong"
worse, if the other characters give them zero explanation for their demands and no reasonable accommodations or compromises, or they withhold something the character desperately wants (and is usually deeply important to them and/or their mental and emotional health) just to get them to do something they don't want. hate that!!
if the narrative frames this kind of overbearing behavior as objectively good in like a "wow look how nice and helpful these characters are being!" way and the character ends up being grateful for... being repeatedly forced into doing things they actively didn't want to do(???)
if the character doesn't actually trust the other characters but their distrust is just played up as paranoia and/or another trauma-based thing to pity rather than addressed as a reasonable concern. i think this is a big one; certain aspects of the previous points are actually fine if there's already a lot of trust between the characters and/or the character has actively consented to giving up this kind of control in their life (consensual 24/7 d/s fics come to mind)
just generally if the character's struggles are framed in a way where the audience is supposed to pity them for their trauma and inability to care for themself, as well as root for them to "give into" being taken care of so they can finally "get better". again, nothing of how they feel is actually addressed as reasonable besides "oh no they're sad :(". very "cute sad small animal" for the sake of spectacle instead of like. a whole ass person with thoughts and feelings
yeah yeah yeah i know they are fake and don't have thoughts and feelings but in fanfic having the characters treat each other that way when they definitely believe each other are real says a lot about those characters themselves. especially since again, the narrative clearly frames it as positive and that just feels. really bad
idk it just all feels very infantilizing? like yes people can need help taking care of themselves for basic tasks and it's good to give them the help they need but that doesn't stop making them people and you can't just ignore how they feel just because you feel you know what's better for them. it also feels very much like "you must function in [x] socially acceptable ways or else your feelings don't count" because there is no actual accommodation of non-typical behavior, only forcible care until they "get better". so. yeah. for all their protests, the character's feelings and behaviors and even the scope of their trauma itself become effectively meaningless within the narrative, hence the loss of character autonomy
again, i know this is a common wish fulfillment thing, since it ticks the boxes of being cared for unconditionally and having someone to make all the decisions for you regardless of self-destructive behaviors, and some people prefer the option to consent to be taken away from them so they are "forced" into accepting help they probably wouldn't have otherwise. but idk, even if i'm perfectly fine with reading actual non/dubcon stuff, i really can't read stuff where it feels like the writer doesn't understand this is also a form of non-consent
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ofgentleresolve · 1 year
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FERRE! HAPPY NEW YEAR! I thought I'd drop by for this and send some positive vibe as the year starts 😊 I just want to highlight what I really like about your writing!! When I read your writings, I always get a sense of your clear grasp on your character profiles or characterizations which may also be rooted on the long years of writing them. It's very natural and interesting. I think that even if your writing partner may not fully read your profiles, they would still be able to catch on what sort of character or personality they carry because you often insert their thoughts or internalization in between the lines, which I think is really helpful. I always enjoy your writing and something I often notice is the weigh on actions as emphasis on their characters. Your narrative and choice of words, too, is something I love to read.
I could say more but for now I keep it up to this length!! Cheers to more writing with you soon 💚
Have a wonderful day and a year ahead!
@thegreenswillcome xia also has ( independently too ) made me go 🥺🥺🥺
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XIA MY DEAR FRIEND 🥺🥺🥺
As I mentioned to the wonderful len, when I was coming into this year, I will admit, I wasn’t exactly feeling in the best of spirits, but YOU!! I know you reached out to me to check on me in the last month and that particular part of the year and I just wanted to say?? Thank you so much for doing so, honestly, that really helped with getting through the last of 2022 💕💕💕
But also!! PLS it always means so much to me that you take the time to read my writings and drabbles 🥲🥲🥲 I know that’ s not the point of my rp blogs existing and it doesn’t always involve other ppl muses SO THANK YOU?? 🥺🥺🥺 for reading and also just always?? paying attention to ur partners in the chill way you always do <3 <3 <3 I’ve said this before, but I’ve always gotten a very relaxed and friendly vibe from you and I think in that aspect?? It has encouraged me to be a bit more open with my mutuals on here – loosen up bc at the end of the day, we’re all nerds who love our characters and ( hopefully ) each other’s too!!
I also have been reading ur drabbles as well and I love?? how atmospheric they come off- if mine is supposed to be like stage, then I would consider yours to be really getting in the minds of ur characters, writing them as they were the ones putting down the words. I think that can be SO DIFFICULT at times bc it requires not only knowing who they are but also knowing the exact way they would narrate what they’re thinking 🥲🥲🥲 that and I also just?? love how lyrical they are?? Like each word is carefully picked out and it really shows in the line breaks…every word counts!!
BUT ANYWAYS, thank you so much for taking the time to send this in, but more importantly, thank you so much for sticking with me thru out this past year and onto now- I’m so grateful to have the privilege of writing with you and plotting with you AND being friends with and I can’t wait to see where you bring your characters ( and mine for the ride ) in 2023!! Care you lots xia and please have a wonderful day 💕💕💕
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A Prayer:
Holy Aphrodite;
I don’t know you well yet, but I’m grateful you’ve revealed yourself to me. My name is Cara - Ann Abigail. I’ve recently been married, and I love my husband very much but often feel unworthy of him. Thank-you for your part in my relationship with him. Please take this image of a waterfall I found online for you, enjoy its beauty and energetically enjoy its cleansing aura. I do intend to give you physical things as well, but usually to share them with you, as a sister. If this is not okay with you, please make it explicit to me, right now I feel it’s okay, even though other people who know you better have said otherwise— I’m hearing you say (though I may be wrong) that the mistake is for people to intend to give you something forever and then take it back. If the intent from the beginning is to share, you are okay with that as long as it is done with respect. I am also hearing you say, though of course I may be wrong, that if you want anything just for you, you test me to listen when you make that clear, and are open to negotiations if it’s something I feel I can’t afford to give up. You also want me to know that you love me, you want the loving relationship with me that I want. You want all love. And love for me is different than it is for other practitioners— you’re okay with me being weird, and want me to love and embrace myself. So, out of your love for me, you can replenish everything I give with abundance. Offerings are a symbol, to make more real for the human in the human-goddess relationship, the give and take aspect of all relationships. It’s not about your need for anything, it’s about your desire for me to desire your pleasure. Which I do. You’re beautiful and I have a deeply ingrained tendency to want beautiful people to feel pleasure. This is part of your magnificence as a goddess of love and pleasure, you make clear the difference and similarities between the two, and to help me see my own beauty and desire my own pleasure, and to see the beauty in everyone and help them achieve their own truest desires. Authenticity is important to you, and you’ll help me embody my truest self. Everyone’s truest self is beautiful; if they’re not beautiful they aren’t being themselves— or, the person looking at them isn’t seeing who they truly are, due to a block in their own self-image. People are wrong when they say you have an ego. When people dare to compare themselves to your beauty, they’re saying they completely embody love itself. Humans can’t do that. So, we’re lying. I am not you. I will never be love or beauty or pleasure herself. I am a human, not an embodiment of a concept, which is the essence of goddess.
You’ve said to me that I can come here whenever I like, and sit in your presence to learn like I have here. But it’s important that when I do I make it holy— don’t do it standing in line at the grocery store or in the middle of a conversation with someone else. This is a sacred time; and I will respect it. Separation is important for growth, concentration of energy— not a soup. A sharpening.
I would like to know how you relate to the Christian God yhwh and his son Jesus, and their order of angels and the demons they believe in. I know this is not your job, but if we encounter problems, it will probably be related to Christianity. I’m hearing you say no to this. And that I’ll understand why later. I promise not to bring it up again. You’re not going to fight for me. It’s my choice how much of my life I want you to take up. You will ask, and I will ask, and we are friends. If I want to serve another god more than I serve you, you will respond how you want to, and I’m not entitled to you telling me what that would be in advance. But you respect me and love me and won’t hurt me unless I blaspheme you. You respect my boundaries to work with who I want.
Thank you for this time. In addition to your waterfall, I will leave you something from my fridge, and we can share some chocolate. Is there anything you would like to say before I go?
-yes, but a NICE razor, money doesn’t matter.
-moisturize your face, do your make-up before you go to the store
-the hair skin and nails gummies are good, but you need vitamin D and iron more.
Thank you 🐬
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terranoctis · 1 year
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Stories of 2022
It’s been a year that’s kept me quite busy, so truth be told, I’ve gone through less stories this year than I would’ve wanted to. That being said, perhaps I’ve made stories of my own moreso, and that’s not a bad thing. Time changes your circumstances and I’m proud of what I’ve done this year. 
However, there’s been a few standout stories I’ve experienced/read/watched. Here’s a few thoughts on those, in no particular order:
MOVIES
1. Everything Everywhere All At Once
I would be highly remiss to not include this whatsoever, because it’s the one movie I can easily recall as my favorite of the year. I had a conversation earlier this week with two friends who I always talk movies with and all three of us unanimously agreed that it was our standout film of the year. As someone who is a daughter of an immigrant and has countless tales of being an Asian-American, it touches my heart all the more with its portrayal of generational trauma and the tension that arises when those generational differences are at odds. 
It’s one of those rare stories that touches on multiverses in a way that is its own--and in what a glorious way it does. It’s less about the multiverse and handles beautifully the personal aspects of a woman who could’ve been anybody--and was everybody in countless other universes, but understands the implication of being just the one person that they are and knowing that it’s worth so much. It’s a film that loves cinema, which is my favorite kind of film, in the way the cinematography is shot, in the messiness of all the wardrobes and costuming of this film, in its homages to films before it, and in the way there are key lines that are so heartfelt you cannot help but remember them for a long time. 
The cast for this film has been one of my favorite. No one is surprised at Michelle Yeoh’s acting chops if they’ve paid attention to cinema, but it’s the first film that’s allowed Ke Huy Quan to fully shine as an adult actor and introduced me to the wonderfully talented Stephanie Hsu. This deeply moving script allowed all three main actors and their ensemble cast to really show off that talent and I’m all the more grateful for it. It’s one of the rare films that is both a visual marvel (due to its wonderfully frenetic editing) and wonderfully well-written. It might not be for everyone, but I, for one, will sing praises for this film for a long time. 
2. Belle
The first film I saw in theaters this year was actually this film and I’m so wonderfully pleased that I did. It’s a story that is not without its flaws, and it’s not even the best animated film I’ve seen... but it’s a story that I can’t help but love because of how earnestly it is portrayed. It’s a story of love through grief and perhaps that’s why it hit closer to home for me. The animation is stunningly beautiful, merging various styles from across the world into a film that is held largely together with its core Japanese animation style from Mamoru Hosoda and his team. The main character Belle, or at least her avatar form in the virtual reality world ‘U’, is drawn by one of the lead character animators at Disney, and the design of her character reflects beautifully the retold Belle from Beauty and the Beast in this world. 
Even though the film is a retelling of the classic fairytale behind Beauty and the Beast, it’s surprisingly less about romantic love than it is about love in all its forms, particularly the kind of love can have when someone is at their lowest and scarred. That love can be for someone else--and it can also be for yourself. You do have a love between “Beauty” and the “Beast,” but that love is hardly portrayed in a romantic light. It’s the kind of love that someone has when they see someone in need and they want to help... and it’s a story that comes full-circle beautifully with the main character. 
I’m also a sucker for good music and Belle had some of the best music I’ve heard in any film this year. I literally had chills when the main character started singing for the first time as Belle, when she’s testing out her voice again in the reality of the virtual world--despite being unable to sing loud in real life. The songs all tie in beautifully to the overall themes of the film as well. 
GAMES
3. Final Fantasy XIV: Endwalker
If last year was a story of my love for Shadowbringers in Final Fantasy XIV, this year was a story of my love for Endwalker. I unfortunately did not get to finish Endwalker during its release month as most others did, but I did get to finish it earlier this year. I can’t say that I loved it as much as Shadowbringers as an independent story, but as the culmination of every tale you’ve experienced as the Warrior of Light from A Realm Reborn to Shadowbringers, it’s a mastercraft in storytelling. For being able to resolve that tale in a way that hinges on some time-travel (which I’m a sucker for) and do it in such a heartfelt way and make you feel as the main character for all the people you’ve fought against and fought for in the past--Endwalker masterfully did so with amazing trials and cutscenes to boot. 
It isn’t to say the expansion didn’t have its poor moments. The pacing had some issues, but for an expansion finished in the pandemic, I understand why. I loved the overall story nonetheless and could deal with the pacing. The culmination of the whole Elpis arc and seeing how we became to be the Warrior of Light has been some of my favorite moments in the entire series. Not just in Final Fantasy XIV, but in all the Final Fantasy games I’ve played. 
Two of my favorite characters are also fleshed out in such wonderful ways this expansion. Venat and Hythlodaeus are easily two of my favorites of the game so far and it’s no wonder I loved the Elpis parts of the game so much. The end of the Hydaelyn-Zodiark saga with Endwalker was masterfully done and it makes me all the more excited to strike on a new adventure with the world. There’s also so many tales that I haven’t gotten to experience yet and I’ve been having a wonderful time jumping through all those tales as well as I wait for the next huge patch in the upcoming year. 
4. Stray
I played this rather late in the year, and it made my heart soft in all the good ways. I should state first I love cats, so I have some bias there. The game has you play as a cat wandering about a strange city filled with only robots. From the get-go, you even when you’re not yet in the city, you see that this world is devoid of all humans, wandering with a stray pack of cats. The city reflects this yet again, as you seem to be the only living being aside from Zurks, who are largely your antagonists in the game, as mutated bacteria life-forms. 
At a basic level, the game is you wandering as a cat. On a larger scale, it’s a game about what constitutes life and how simple things like friendship and companionship are emblematic of what make us living beings. The journey is played largely with you as the stray cat and your companionship with a small robot. I can’t say too much without spoiling the story, but it’s a beautiful, lovely little tale of friendship between a robot and a cat in a dystopian cyberpunk world. It’s worth a play if anyone ever gets a chance to do so. 
BOOKS
5. Nona the Ninth
This was one of my most anticipated books this year and I think one of the rare novels I actually binge-read within a few days even with school work and whatnot. I should say that I did love Harrow the Ninth more, but I loved this book in its own way. It’s a portrayal of a character who has made herself forget who she truly is and the horrendous things that have happened to her (and I mean, world-shattering, world-ending horrible things), perhaps because she wanted to save the girl whose body she inhabits and perhaps because she loved these people with her. It’s about love, for good or bad, and the kind of resurrections we put ourselves and others through in a testament to that love. The whole series of the Locked Tomb is love in its revenant forms, which I highly appreciate the more I occasionally re-read the novels and random passages. 
What makes the Locked Tomb series so humanely interesting to me is the way the narrator does not have the complete picture, by nature of their fragmented perspectives, but you as the reader do because you’re privy to the prior stories and other tales told through dreams or flashbacks. Nona is especially such a character because she is a “new” character, or rather a character who is seemingly unaware of her own true identity. The story leads you at first to believe she is perhaps one of the two previous main characters (Gideon or Harrow) in amnesiac form, but it becomes quite obvious she is a little bit of both in personality and perhaps neither of them at all. The more you read the story though, the more you begin to understand that perhaps she’s more aware than she lets on, but it’s because she’s so in love with the people around her that she doesn’t want to remember the trauma that made her something else. Thematic focuses aside, the writing is as fun as ever and where the Locked Tomb truly shines is with the personalities and dialogues of its characters. 
I wasn’t sure how to feel about Nona at first, but the more I read, the more I adored her and her love for the people around her. And the more I felt that trauma that all three protagonists of this series so far have felt and still found some semblance of love despite it. 
6. Babel, Or the Necessity of Violence
I should clarify I am still reading this at the moment, but it is already one of my favorite books of the year as I near the end of it. Translation as a magical weapon, translation as a means of colonialism--translation as a manifestation of something else... all these means of translation as not just a text-form thing, but something intrinsically cultural and used as a cultural weapon against its own people is utterly beautiful and devastating all at once. R.F. Kuang does an amazing job yet again with characterization of characters and that personal dilemma within the protagonist. I quite love the world-building in this one, having jumped from her previous works to this new world in Babel in the U.K. with silverworking and translation as a weapon. Since I’m still reading this novel, I won’t go into as much depth with it as I did the previous novel. For all I know, I might be missing a key piece of what makes this novel even greater. 
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eleriivt · 1 year
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Thank you for a wonderful 2022~!!
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Huge thank you to everyone who has supported me this year, I'm really grateful for your patience, your care, and your wonderful company💜 Some (long and rambling) thoughts about the past year under the cut.
First of all, hello everyone💜 I'm trying out this format to share some of my thoughts that can't be contained in just a few tweets.
We've finally made it to the end of 2022! For me it was a challenging year for a number of reasons (physical health, mental health, the loss of a beloved family pet, things within and outside my control). When I looked back at the goals I set for myself at the start of the year, I've barely crossed off any.
As I mentioned on stream, I originally wrote this letter earlier in December, on a day which is probably the worst day of the year for my mental health. That letter focused on the negatives and the struggles, and while it was a great exercise for me personally (I cried, it was cathartic!), those aren't the emotions I want to go into the new year with. I think we can leave them behind.
What have I learned in the past year? I think I've actually progressed a lot. I've gotten closer to myself, tried to listen to my body and what I actually need, tried to be kinder and more forgiving towards myself, tried to set and protect my boundaries. I wasn't able to improve much within the past 365 days, but instead of feeling behind I want to accept this time I spent understanding myself as laying an important foundation to build upon.
When I think about streaming this year, I'd like to think I started off with good intentions, but I feel like I've actually done worse than I did in 2021. Yes, my growth and numbers have been pretty stagnant, but that isn't even what bothers me. I feel more upset that I once again over-promised and wasn't able to deliver on the vast majority of my plans.
At more than one point I was so disappointed in myself that I thought maybe I should just give up. But recently in chat someone said something along the lines of "we have time" and that changed my perspective entirely. Instead of thinking 'up until now I've barely done anything' I want to focus on the fact that there are so many more days ahead to do anything we want with.
Another thing I struggled with from the start of my vtubing journey was this parallel between vtubers and idols. Many of my friends who started streaming at the same time as me would fit into that "idol vtuber" category, and me, being a lifelong idol fan, was obviously drawn to the idol aspects of vtubing (like Niji). But I'm nobody's idol. I'm not a main character, or someone that makes you want to root for them, I'm not particularly hard working and I don't really have a dream to chase. My happiest place is being a fan and supporting others.
I think this disconnect between my personality and what I was essentially trying to achieve caused a lot of stress. For all different reasons, I didn't feel like I had any real direction. It was upsetting to feel so lost and without purpose in my supposed-to-be-fun-hobby-thing when I already feel so lost in every other facet of my life. I know, I know, 'it's not that deep', but I hate the feeling of spinning my wheels.
I honestly want to say maybe one of the best things that happened to me was watching one of Nina’s streams when I was first getting into Niji. I don’t even know which one it was, but I remember she was so authentic, warm, and inviting. She was talking about her own plans, her perspective on streaming, and I deeply admired the way that she could so easily identify her own shortcomings and how she wasn’t afraid of them. It gave me a lot of motivation and reassurance. Like, it's okay to just try things, you can keep what works and discard the rest!
So, if you've made it this far you're probably wondering, do I feel like I have a clear path now? Absolutely not. I don't think I'm any less lost and I'm not even sure I know how to get unlost. But I do think that I need to approach my goals from different angles. I know that the time I've put into this wasn't wasted because I am always grateful for every moment that we spend together, it's just the mindset that I've been applying that needs to be adjusted.
I still have a lot of apprehension and doubt, but I'm so thankful that everyone who supports me has created an environment where I feel safe to embrace those fears head-on, to learn, and to grow. It's actually really exciting when you think about it!
Let's let go of all the negative emotions of 2022, and welcome 2023 and all the potential it brings. Please continue to support me, in whatever capacity you can, and I will try to repay you by doing my best💜
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alexandra-j-king · 1 year
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In Which I Share Some Bad Opinions
"You must read X books to be an author" discourse has turned up on Twitter again. And I don't want to do Twitter Discourse (frankly I don't want to do Twitter), but also I am weak, so I am putting my opinions here.
Firstly, there's a big difference between "you can't possibly write if you don't read" and "its very useful and important to read, if you want to write".
The writing police are not real. You can write whatever. No one is going to stop you. Of course, that's a very facile answer, because when people say "you can't write without reading" what they really mean is "you probably can't write well enough to be published if you aren't also reading"... and that's a lot more complex.
I don't take this hard line. You can do it... but its a lot harder.
Reading is how you learn how writing works. I don't mean the basics of putting words in order, I mean using words in sequence to tell certain types of stories or give certain types of experiences. Even if you're taking in a lot of media in other ways, those aren't books. So you aren't taking in new ways of writing stories, even if you're being exposed to new stories. There is of course, a community aspect too. There is value to knowing what is going on in your genre.
I'm willing to push pretty hard on the idea that if you're struggling to write, reading is probably the best and easiest place to look for the solution.
But that's the problem. No one has infinite time. No one can read everything. I'm a freak of nature who reads hundreds of books a year (split between print and audio), and I can't keep up with everything I want to read, let alone everything I would benefit from reading.
This is a list of just the reading advice I have personally benefited from as a writer, to give you a sense of the scope of the problem:
Read new books in your genre: Its actually pretty important to know what's going on. Its partly a marketing thing, but also, a big number of smart authors is more than a single smart author, and crosstalk between genres is how writing evolves. Rememer, fanfic is more like a genre than anything else.
Read old books in your genre: Its keeps ideas in circulation and it explains where tropes that you might otherwise only see ground into paste came from in the first place.
Read books outside your genre: This, firstly, keeps your genre from disappearing up its own ass, but it also exposes you to the structures, tropes and sentence level writing styles of other genres.
Read books from outside your country: Same genre or not, just read some imported and translated books.
Read non-fiction books: This is where actual information is stored so you aren't getting all your information filtered through fiction, and reading books not articles gives you depth in a topic, not a deluge of factoids.
Read shorter works (articles and short stories) too: They use different structures. They'll give you a wider exposure to ideas than novels will get you.
Read poetry: Its the best way to learn word and sentence level skills. Also if you ever want to write something highly structured (ex. a commerical romance or a research grant) you will be grateful you did it.
Read books you wouldn't necessarily think to read: Either at random, or by recommendation. You don't even need to finish them if you don't like them. Just get exposure to new ideas.
Read for fun: if you fall out of love with reading its hard to stay in love with writing. Stop obeying this insane list and read things you like.
But obviously, this is insane. I can't keep up with this. I aim to do a tiny bit of all these things every year, but the trade off is I'm constantly behind, there are novels I desperately want to read sitting waiting, I'm not up to date in my genre, and I don't consider myself well-read outside of it really. Or I could pick a couple of these things and leave the rest to hang. Its impossible to keep up, as someone with a day job, and I'm pretty sure it would still be impossible if I didn't have one.
So just figure out a compromise you can live with.
TL;DR There are a lot of benefits to reading, as a writer, and if you don't, you're life will almost certainly be more difficult. But there's no point in purity testing access to writing. It doesn't help and it doesn't work.
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bts-weverse-trans · 3 years
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210104 Weverse Magazine ‘Be’ Comeback Interview - Suga
SUGA “I'm grateful that there are still unvisited areas in the world of music” BTS BE comeback interview 2021.01.04
SUGA has this way of talking passionately with a deadpan look on his face. Full of passion about his life and music.
How is your shoulder? SUGA: Good. I think it’ll get even better once I take off this brace. Apparently, it takes several months for a full recovery, but I'm trying to get better as fast as possible.
How does it feel like to have resolved a problem that has distressed you for long? SUGA: First of all, I'm glad. The pain is one thing, but when my shoulders got worse, I couldn't even raise my arms. But when I heard that this might recur when getting the surgery at a young age, I waited for the right time and had decided to get it done early next year regardless of the COVID-19 situation. I had planned to get the surgery after the year-end stages, but I got it done this year (2020) because my doctors advised me to start preparing early for next year’s promotions and activities.
How does it feel like watching the other members doing promotions? SUGA: I can't say it feels great. I could see the emptiness because we've been together as a group of seven for so long. Not necessarily because I'm not there but because something that should be there is missing?
Is that what made you join the promotion as much as possible? You shot lots of video footage in advance and you even appeared in the Mnet “2020 MAMA” through VR. SUGA: Fake SUGA (Laughs). There’s this 3D studio where we shot it. I shot, scanned, and acted there, but couldn't see the actual result at the studio. I thought a sense of displacement was unavoidable, and that was exactly the case. (Laughs) I acted normal because it would have been aired anyway even if I hadn’t had the surgery, but it seems a lot because it’s aired after the surgery.
You must feel restricted not being able to go on stage. SUGA: The thing is, it's only been a month after I got surgery, but my absence on stage is so apparent. But my doctors keep telling me that I shouldn't be impatient and in fact, many athletes get a resurgery when they return to the field without proper rehabilitation. So I'm working on trying to care less. For the first two weeks after surgery, I felt so frustrated that I tried out new things. I even watched movies I didn't watch.
What movies did you watch? SUGA: I watched ‘Samjin Company English Class’ as it happened to be on IPTV, and now I have ‘Tenet’ on my list. ‘Parasite’ was the last movie I saw at a cinema. As the social distancing measures became stricter, I haven’t been going outside, except going to the hospital. I even eat at home. I'm also watching a lot of TV nowadays. Watching music shows like ‘Sing Again’, ‘Folk Us’, and ‘Show Me The Money 9’ made me think of what I should do in the upcoming days.
Could you elaborate on that? SUGA: A lot of candidates on ‘Sing Again’ are very talented but hadn't had the opportunity, and on ‘Folk Us’, I noticed that many took their own guitars on stage. I started playing the guitar lately and I'm having this urge to broaden my scope of music. And since my interest in the music industry in the U.S. grew, I'm getting prepared, studying English and all.
What fueled your interest? SUGA: In some ways it’s the most commercially developed market. You could lose the industry attention in a flash if it's not feasible. So in this system, you would try everything and that would be an efficient way. I want to do music for a long time, and to this end, I always want to learn more about the global music industry because I want to do music that’s loved not only in Korea, but also in the U.S., Japan and Europe.
Speaking of which, it seems BE was influenced from music of the past rather than today's trends. SUGA: I especially like impromptu music. I love the songs that were made in one take instead of being recorded several times. In this era of crossover genres, the desire to do better in music is growing inside me.
As the genres become more blended, the melody you use must be more important. Does starting to play the guitar affect your composing in any way? SUGA: I always liked using guitar sounds. And I have always liked the Eagles. If you play the guitar, it’s way easier to write songs because you can carry it along wherever you go, pluck on the strings to create melody lines. Keyboards are difficult to carry around. (Laughs) I usually work on my laptop but I had this thought that I definitely needed an instrument. It accelerates my work and improves my understanding of chords.
It makes me think you could intuitively make melodies. SUGA: It’s easier to write a song because you can intuitively make a progression and try many different things. During my work on ‘Eight’, IU had recorded and sent me a song from her phone. At the time I couldn’t play the guitar, so we tried to make sure we’re working on the same page when keeping track of each other's progress. That made me feel the need to learn an instrument.
This is actually before you started playing the guitar, but I found ‘Telepathy’ in BE very interesting. The varying melodic progressions between hooks for each member made me wonder if you wrote the melody intuitively for each part. SUGA: I tried writing a melody for the first time this year (2020), and as I started knowing the fun of music, it opened a lot of new doors for me. So it was kind of easy working on it. I just played a beat and wrote from the beginning until the end. Done. I wrote it in just 30 minutes. The song almost wrote itself. The trends of pop and hip-hop these days cross boundaries between vocals and rap. I like this trend.
When I listen to your singing, it feels like you’re hitting the beats rather than singing along the notes. So I thought perhaps you're singing as if you're rapping. SUGA: When you're rapping, you just think of the rhythm, so it’s like simply putting on a melody to a rhythm. To define which comes first, I think melody adds to it while writing the rap.
In ‘Life Goes On’, the lyrics ‘Thankfully between you and me, nothing’s changed’ are somewhere in between. It's not rap but it’d be mundane to say it's a mere melody. SUGA: There are obviously songs where the rap needs to be highlighted. For example, in ‘Dis-ease’ or ‘Ugh!’, you have to be good at rap. But in songs that should be easy to listen to, impressive raps are not always the way to go. Sometimes, you want smooth transitions without obstacles.
In that sense, the rap flow of ‘Blue & Grey’ was impressive. Rather than a dramatic effect that emphasizes each part, you extended the rap just as much as the slowing beat. SUGA: To be honest, this beat is difficult to rap to. The beginning of the song only has a guitar line, which made it even more difficult. I participated when we wrote lyrics for ‘Blue & Grey’ and I've always wanted to work on a song like this. It was because verse 1 talks about the theme of the song.
It seems you achieved almost everything that you wanted in BE. SUGA: I think it took less than a week to make my part in the album. After having written one or two melodies for ‘Life Goes On’, I wrote a version complete with rap, and liked it that I even worked on a separate arrangement and lyrics. Rather than pondering over the ways that might work, I choose to simply play the music and write.
Many creators are unsure even after they’ve produced good work. How do you get the conviction to release your work? SUGA: Many musicians are unsure whether they should release their music or not. It was the same for me, but the thing is, you’ll never release anything if you nitpick everything. For example, if we release 10 songs, we have a chance to unveil them in concerts or fan events. And sometimes, as we listen to the song, we think, ‘Why does this part that had bothered me no longer bother me?’ Some things might feel awkward at some point, but in time, it no longer feels awkward. Even I forget about it. So it's more efficient to fine tune, looking at the big picture, rather than thinking too much about the details. On top of that, during promotions, I don’t have the time to pick tracks that others have sent for 10 hours. It would be a success for all of us if each of us play and write a melody in their own time and collaborate with others on the details. So the way of songwriting has evolved in many aspects.
What motivated such evolution? SUGA: I think it evolved naturally. I've changed in personality this year (2020), as well as in terms of my interpretation and attitude toward life to the extent that I almost thought I've been rehearsing. How would it feel like if there were no stage to go to or anyone looking out for me? This thought made me realize the value of these things.
In ‘Dis-ease’, you sing ‘I don’t know if it’s the world that's sick’. Was it this lifestyle that changed your thoughts about your work? SUGA: Yes. When I was young, I had embraced the belief that ‘It must be my fault’, but as I got older, I realized that this is not always true. Most of what I had thought was my fault was in fact, not my fault. On the other hand, there are things that I did well and times I had been lucky.
‘I NEED U’ came out during a time when you were still thinking, “It must be me”. After the members put on a stage with ‘I NEED U’ in KBS' ‘Song Festival’, you wrote on Weverse, “It’s the same as five years ago.” How would you compare with back then? (This interview was held on December 19, 2020.) SUGA: We've matured quite a bit. And our stage performances have become more natural. I still like ‘I NEED U’. Just listening to the beat makes me sentimental, and above all, the song came out nicely. So as I was watching this and that when I stumbled across old videos. Watching them made me think that we haven’t changed much.
In what aspect haven't you changed much? SUGA: Before the social distancing measures got stricter, I talked with the photographer for BE, whom I had met four years ago. The photographer was surprised that we hadn’t changed much after all the success, even though he had assumed we’d be very different.
I'm amazed personally. I’ve had the chance to meet the members before your debut, but from your way of talking with members or others, it seems you haven't changed. SUGA: I think it's because we don’t give it a big deal about success. For example, it's incredible to be ranked first on the Billboards, but there’s also this sense of, “Okay, and?”
Even the Grammys? (Laughs) SUGA: When we got nominated for the Grammy Awards, we thought, ‘Is this real?’ (Laughs) Of course we were delighted, but it didn’t make us think, ‘We're singers nominated for the Grammy.’ If you're nominated, you're nominated, and if you get the award, you get the award. You don't get shaken by that. I know it's a great award and would be so grateful if we receive it, but we know that nothing is possible without the tremendous support of our fans. What’s more important is that the fans are more flattered than us when we receive a great award. So everyone's rejoicing, but it’s like, ‘Let's do what we have to do.’ We've been training ourselves to keep finding our places, so no one remains overexcited.
In ‘Fly To My Room’, there are lyrics that say, ‘This room is too small to contain my dream’, and ‘Sometimes this room becomes an emotional trash can, but it embraces me.’ I had this feeling that the room had been such a place and that you were accepting that you have changed. Then the essence must have remained the same. SUGA: It wasn’t easy to accept that we eventually change. But I think it's a good thing that we changed. What we did back then was possible only at that time, and we could change because of the things we had accomplished.
Then, what new things are you dreaming about? SUGA: I'm eager to continue doing music. Since all performances were canceled due to COVID-19, I had a chance to talk to so many musicians in Korea. I talked with legendary singers as well as people who are my contemporaries. Talking with them once again made me realize that I love music so much. Because music is my profession, I can’t imagine myself not doing it. I'm grateful that there are still unvisited areas in the world of music.
What kind of music do you think you’ll be engaged in in the future? SUGA: I was greatly motivated when I saw the concert of Na Hoon-a last Chuseok . I wondered how many musicians would actually be able perform and write music for so long like he has. At that moment, it occurred to be that ‘I want to be like him’. He has passion and desire, and most of all, he is a superstar. A few years ago, I took my parents to a Na Hoon-a concert, and when they watched the performance last Chuseok, they said it was way less impressive to see him perform through the TV. (Laughs)
That must explain your interest in a broader spectrum of music from instruments to composing and musical genres. Because you want to be doing this for a long time. SUGA: My goal is to continue doing music in any shape or form. In that sense, I have this great respect toward Cho Yong-pil. He takes the best sound there is and reinterprets it into his own. I think that’s something I want to emulate and keep changing and evolving so that I can continue doing music for decades to come.
The lyrics ‘Thankfully between you and me nothing’s changed’ must sound more meaningful for the fans because they will be listening to your music for a long time. SUGA: A month and a half in the current times must seem like a lifetime for the fans when we're far apart. I feel the same. But I think that's proof that we worked hard for the past seven years and that the fans have been passionately reaching out to us. I'm striving to get to them as fast as I can, and I'm eager to go on stage. I'm going through this because I want to be better on stage in a better condition, so don't be sad, and please hang in there a little longer.
Trans © Weverse
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apocalypticgargoyle · 3 years
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meet clay, he knows how you'll die.
intro filler chapter sorry
☾ pairing: dream x reader
☾ cw: interact at your own risk; contains graphic depictions of various character death and violence, suicide, blood, gore, and other triggering material. angst, language, guns, adult content, mentions of sex, slow burn friends to lovers
☾ wc: ~4100
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Clay pulled the strap of his backpack further on his shoulder as he wove through the mindless sea of college students, eyes scanning the crowd for you, his best friend and the only person he could stand at the early hour. His knuckles flashed white as he sighed, taking the blunt impact of someone walking into him. He removed one of his headphones, mumbling a quick apology and swatting off the enthusiastically apologetic sophomore girl. All he could focus on was how much she bit her lip as she stammered on about not seeing him. It wasn’t alluring to him when most girls tried to sway his affections by looking at him with a puppy dog expression; all his mind drifted to was the dead skin across the body of her lower lip.
He finally nodded and reinstated his headphone, turning on his heel and heading for the front of the building. He received a few greetings from his peers as they crossed his path, people who shared past lectures with him and who had cheated off of him during exams. He wasn’t popular by any means, but he stayed out of people’s business and didn’t express his opinions loudly, so people tended to like him. The autumn breeze picked up as he stood in the dwellings of political science majors on the front lawn, acting as if they hadn’t seen one another in years when it had been only a few days. Clay absent-mindedly looked down at his cellphone, flipping through music as he leaned against the cool brick of the hall’s facade, waiting for you to find him.
Clay’s usual brooding manner was often off-putting to outsiders, with the careless-hollow look in his eyes giving bystanders the impression that he was nothing but a machiavellian. But you always saw the brightness in him; the side that you always experienced was specifically for you, and he made sure to keep it that way. You had wedged herself into his life and he was ever grateful for the love you had given him.
Despite the understood truth between the two of you that nothing was to be left unsaid, Clay still found himself keeping one of the most important aspects of his character unknown to you. His bloodcurdling secret was his own curse, something that would only be poison for another soul to know.
“What’s up, stud?” Somehow a flush of relief rippled through Clay’s body as his eyes locked to yours, pulling him from his isolated shell. Your hair looked brighter today against the dark hoodie peeking out from beneath an all too familiar bomber jacket. The wind fluffed your locks slightly as you continued towards him.
His eyebrows perked up as if to signal he was attempting to downplay his excited demeanor. “Stud, huh?” You smirked at his response, taking one of his headphones and putting it in your own ear, her face angled up to Clay as you waited to recognize the song, swaying slightly.
He chuckled as you shrunk away from him after muttering the song’s artist disappointedly and rolling your eyes, pulling on his hoodie pocket to follow you. As chaotic as his life often felt, he could always rely on the consistency of you. You usually attached yourself to one of his backpack straps, handles, his belt loop, or ended up under his arm, wedged against his side. It had gotten to the point that he felt naked if you weren’t within arm’s length of him, which was rare for the two of you. “So, I have something for you.” He smugly looked down at you, green eyes masking a hidden sparkle as you handed him a can of root beer, making him chuckle.
“Aren’t you sweet?” He popped the tab, taking a sip as you waved at a group of girls passing the two of you before slipping your hand against the crook of his elbow where his hoodie sleeves were pushed back.
“Actually, I was hoping it could be payment for later. I need to head over to the cemetery for some rubbings. History 270 has me getting into some weird shit, huh?” He laughed again at you, offering you the drink.
“And you need wheels?” You nodded and smiled politely at him, beaming at his words. “Yeah, alright. I have to sketch something for art anyway.” He thought about the week’s assignment and then about your little project he had dealt with the prior year. You had acted like the two of you hadn’t been to the cemetery on a regular basis, but he was grateful that you wanted him to come along with you.
You quietly jumped once. “You are my hero in faded denim, Clay. You know that, right?”
The two of you parted ways to your select destinations, one of Clay’s least favorite parts of the day, which was only solidified as he sunk into his seat and attempted to look equipped for the lecture. He spotted an unfamiliar kid shaking his knee in a distant section of the classroom. In any other circumstance, he wouldn’t have thought twice, but the sie of the class had given him the pleasantries of getting his own personal curse out of the way on the first day.
He carefully watched the boy speak smugly to a few of the more athletic kids in the room. One of the athletes pointed to the general direction Clay was sitting in and they all moved towards him. He, yet again, took out his headphones, knowing full well that they would be talking to him for the rest of the class.
“Oi, Shaman,” one of the main guys greeted Clay like they always did: a strange pattern of slapping and shaking his hand. He was thankful he had gotten all of their first impressions months prior and didn’t have to worry about getting their scenarios again, but he geared up to meet the new kid.
“How are you, Punz?” Clay took a deep breath as the new kid was gestured to and brought into the light.
“This is Mark. He’s a transfer from one of the commuter campuses. Mark, this is the mastermind you pay for notes.”
Clay sarcastically smiled at Punz. “My, you flatter me more than any girl. Nice to meet you, man.” As soon as he touched Mark’s hand, Clay’s mind flashed to a dingy-looking barn out in the middle of nowhere before an older man in his mid-thirties came into view with a lever-action rifle in his hand. In another flash, Clay was in front of the man, now kneeling with the gun in his mouth, red, blurry eyes looking straight through Clay. A pang of guilt broke open in Clay’s stomach as he pushed against the handguard lever and pulled it back into place, squeezing the trigger and sending Ckay back to the class. He let out a sigh and fought to plaster one of his less absent smiles.
“Speaking of our lovely girls, Mark here has a question about her.” Clay’s head tilted towards Mark, not exactly squaring up to him, but sending him an amused look as if to warn him not to cross a line, knowing full-well this conversation would somehow involve you. “We all know that no guy would ever intrude on her without your blessing, but Mark sat near her on the bus before his first class and was thinking about asking her out.”
Clay bit back a laugh, feeling like the Vito Corleone. “Well, you know her, Punz, and you know she would be mortified if I told some guy to fuck off, so I would just ask her yourself?” Oh, how desperately Clay wanted to bash Mark for not even telling Clay himself and the fact that the boy before him was nowhere near your type, but Clay knew better than to burn bridges and he felt bad for the way Mark would meet his end.
Nobody, not even you, knew about Clay’s gift. In the going-on-five years of knowing you, he came breaths away from letting his secret slip but has always kept it hidden, hoping to bury it with him after being married to you for forty happy years.
The visions started around his fifth-grade year, beginning with vivid dreams of dying in the midst of the Civil War, feeling the warm gushing of blood leaving his system, and the stabbing pain of being shot multiple times beside a woman who oddly looked enough like you that he almost called out your name. He had lived what he presumed to be his death in the life before this one several times, each vision taking him a few clicks further.
Soon, he found himself catching glimpses of others’ deaths before they happened as soon as they touched him, but thankfully it was usually over with no time passing and he only endured the visions once for each person, fate having already sealed itself. The only person who seemed to mix him up was you.
It was love at first sight for him, but as soon as you touched his arm, bleak snapshots of a boating accident raced into his mind, only to have to re-experience the scenario a few months later with you stepping in front of a train. Even as a measly high school freshman, he promised himself that there was no way he was letting you die in the gruesome manners being predicted to you. He didn’t think changing fate was possible until he witnessed you in action. He hated seeing you so young in each of the glimpses, tearing him to shreds as he knew time and time again that there was no way he could change what was meant to be.
There were even times when he quietly promised you that he’d die by your side if he couldn’t stop it.
As his lecture let out, Clay found you tucked into a corner of the library, smiling to yourself silently as knew you had finally found what you were looking for in one of the massive books before you. There were many moments like this that Clay wished he could pause and remember for the rest of his life. He was proud that you were there for him even though you could have left instead of playing your own little game of library scavenger hunts.
Since knowing you, he had taken note of how you treated other boys, usually as first dates and never true pick-ups. You didn’t care if they called you the next day or not and he was sure you had never even been kissed before. Something about your guys’ relationship gave others the nod to leave it the fuck alone, and that your heart truly belonged to Clay; a responsibility he wished didn’t plague you with. Despite this, he couldn’t bring himself to be with you, only worried that what you had would be destroyed because he knew that as soon as he told you about his gift, you might leave.
You always brought a bag of marbles and a bouquet of flowers to the cemetery. You loved to find the tombstones that looked neglected or ones with older dates, knowing that the possibility of having family members who remembered the person was lower. The trees in the graveyard were reds and yellows with the changing season, leaves scattered over the grass, naturally piling in large masses. This was your favorite for how neglected it seemed to always be. You had a knack for making inanimate objects and lost souls feel loved; Clay often feeling like he was one of these disembodied figures.
Clay leaned his back against one of the massive trees a few paces from the tombstone you had picked, smiling as he watched you carry out her routine. He flipped to a clean page in his sketchbook as you sat cross-legged in front of the great stone resting place, pulling the long-dead flowers from the concrete gauntlet and replenishing a few flowers in their place while setting an equal number of marbles along the grass line of the stone. A daisy was tucked behind your ear as you ran her fingers against the worn chiseling of the dates, smiling slightly. He began to sketch you out. Your eyes drifted to him before the corners of your mouth curled up into a smirk and you returned to her previous position, straightening your shoulders. “Who is it?” He asked, blending a rough edge with the pads of his finger as you tilted your head at the script carvings.
“George McAfee. Born 1926. Died 1963.” The wind picked up, blowing your hair away from your face as you pulled your jacket closer around you. “What was happening in 1963?” You turned your head to him momentarily before looking back at the lucky man. “I mean besides Beatlemania and JFK’s assassination?”
Clay outstretched one of his legs, swallowing as he thought, his eyes fluttering from the page in front of him to you. “Well, Alcatraz was shut down, Studebaker stopped production, the USSR sent the first woman into space…” he trailed off, watching you as the gears began to spin in your head.
“Do you think he died in the Coliseum explosion?” You wet your lips and he couldn’t help but smile at you.
“Maybe he died in the USS Thresher sinking?” He was thankful that he could capture your thoughtful gaze in this picture.
“You’re smart, Dream. Have I ever told you that?” He chuckled at the sigh in your voice. He detailed the bomber jacket you were wearing---which you’d stolen from his closet god knows when---a bit as you placed a piece of paper over the engraving and rubbed a crayon against the stone, his name coming to life on the paper as you came to life on Clay’s. It didn’t matter why you two would be in the cemetery, you always had a type of bond with the dead, surprising Clay due to how bright you were and your power of holding onto so much compassion. He threw his sketchbook into his backpack and slug in over his shoulder, moving to help you up. You decided to give the rest of the flowers to George as Clay stood next to you, gazing down at his grave.
A high-pitched moan startled the two of you, snapping your heads to look over the hedges separating your section of graves and the one beside it. Clay’s eyes widened as they fell to a girl in all black with porcelain skin propped on top of one of the tombstones. You clasped your hand over his mouth pulling him onto the ground next to you as you peered through a hole in the bushes. His mind noticed your arms first. One of them was secured over his chest and the other wrapped around his shoulder from beneath his arm, holding onto him as he steadied himself in the weird crouching position. “Are you enjoying this?” He jeered, looking over his shoulder slightly as he heard you snicker. The girl began to ride the stone harder.
“How many times in your life are you going to see a girl humping a gravestone? Honestly, Clay, how many?” He shook his head as you both looked at the girl, giggling to yourselves. You dug her face into his shoulder trying to stifle the next laugh trying to rip through your body as the gothic girl moaned, letting out more labored breaths. Clay’s face contorted into a twisted look of disgust as the girl tugged on her own hair. “Oh, do you think that hurts?” You took the words out of his mouth, tightening your arms around him as he shrugged.
“I doubt it’s any rockier than sex with a human.” He bit his lip, a hollow sound interrupting him quietly laughing at his own joke as you thumped him in the chest. The girl moaned louder. “Alright, she’s climaxing. I’m uncomfortable now.” Clay stood and Willow popped up next to him, lacing your fingers with his, bringing color back to his cheeks as you slipped the remaining marbles into his pocket.
“Oh, hi!” In the midst of holding hands with you again and trying to slink back to his car, he hadn’t even realized that the moaning had stopped. The girl now stood near the two of you in what seemed to be a black slip. Clay found it hard to make direct eye contact with her. “Are you guys looking for someone?”
“We were, but we couldn’t find him so-” you began, gesturing for Clay’s car and pulling him next to you.
“Well, I can help. Who are you looking for?” A thousand sarcastically vulgar comments ran through Clay’shead but his eyes flickered from her face to the tombstone she was on previously.
“Uh, my grandpa. His name was Rupert Daniels,” Clay managed to choke out. Your nails dug into his arm while your hand squeezed his. The girl looked around at the surrounding stones.
“I don’t see him right now, but I can look?” You both shook your heads quickly and muttered various responses before finally slipping away from her and getting into his car. Neither of you said anything as you pulled off the gravel driveway until crossing the railroad tracks when Clay burst out laughing.
“Do you think she even knew who it was she was gettin’ it on with or did she just pick somewhere random?” Clay laughed harder at your stunned response. “I’m serious. Clay, what the fuck. How can someone even get off in a cemetery?”
“I don’t know, man. Would you hook up with someone in a cemetery?” Clay quipped, wiggling his eyebrows at you, causing you to laugh. You dug into his console, pulling out a bag of M&Ms you had stashed in there last week, popping one in your mouth.
“Only if it was you.”
He giggled. “Excuse me, what?”
“There are just some things you do with certain people, Dream. You know what I mean.”
“I don’t know if I should be flattered I’m the only one you would have sex with in a cemetery, or like, disgusted?” You laughed at his reaction.
Within ten minutes the sun had begun to set and Clay sang loudly with you to the song playing over the radio as Clay sped along one of the county roads near your apartment complex, not wanting the night to end. He loved these moments with you. You turned down the radio and threw your hair back into a ponytail. “So, what do you think of that new kid, Mark?” Something in Clay shifted, taking away the free feeling he had recently possessed next to you. He thought carefully.
He chewed his bottom lip. “Depends on what you think?”
“Well, he seems like a wannabe Punz. And he asked me out. Naturally, I said ‘yes’ because maybe he’s different?” Clay chuckled at your sarcasm, putting his car in park on the side of the street your flat was on and getting out with you. The radio still hummed in the air lowly. “He insisted on Friday, though.” Clay dramatically acted like you had stabbed him in the heart, even though it did hurt. Friday night was their night. It had been a running tradition for movie night every Friday since your freshman year and you had never canceled on Clay for a date. “I know, I know. But I figured that I’d tell him I had diarrhea when it hit eight o’clock and be over at your place with an extra pizza? Your roommate’s working right?” He chuckled with a nod, walking you up the first three steps to your place as you made it to the concrete landing. You turned to him. “And he said he was taking me somewhere fancy, so I’ll snag you some breadsticks.” He tilted his head at you as you winked at him.
“Nah, don’t worry about it. Wanna be Punz might be fun. Maybe I’ll call up Minx and hang out with her?” He joked. Minx was a friend of yours that hung out with the two of you sometimes. He had never really liked her, but she was friends with you and thus he was always civil.
“You’re still my number one, babe.” You pushed him slightly as you climbed a few more steps, leaning on the railing as he waved to leave. “Hey, Dream?” He turned on his heel as you forced yourself to make eye contact. He stuffed his hands in his jeans pockets. “You could kiss me, you know? For science.” You smiled softly at him from where you were perched. He wet his lips as his heart hammered in his chest. He wanted to scale the steps and close the space between you, to knock you off your feet and show you just how much he was in love with you.
He hated himself. “A first kiss should have more magic in it than just for science. As a romantic, you should know first hand.” You smiled at the ground in front of you.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” The two of you seemed to shake off the serious moment as you stuck your tongue out at him and slipped inside your house as both giggled.
“I love you,” he murmured as you left, punching himself in the shoulder as he got back into his car.
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Clay’s heartbeat pulsed in his ears, making him truly believe he was going to pass out. He had lost his gun at least a mile back. He was running mindlessly now, not knowing how long or where he was going. He trudged through the forest, hearing dogs barking and gunshots erupting around him, the ringing in his ears building with every step he forced himself to make. He wanted to rip open the front of his jacket to release the body heat drenching his collar, but he didn’t move other than propelling his body further and further away from the soldiers. You ran beside him, holding your skirt up while your hair danced around your shoulders like a great waterfall. As soon as his body felt like it might just give out, he would look at you and somehow find more of a drive to pull forward. His breaths were brittle and hoarse as he drew in borrowed oxygen. His lungs felt shallow like they were giving out on him.
You reached back, grasping his hand and pulling him into a sharp corner, hoping to lose the group. You both had managed to weave into the forest, but the dogs were somehow still picking up on your scent. The pair of you finally came upon a clearing and kneeled down out of sight, spotting a house in the middle of a glen. Bullets were streaming through the air. The forest was catching fire and cannons were echoing through the distant air. You squeezed his hand tightly, looking at him with terror in your eyes. He had gotten the two of you into this mess, but he was glad he was beside you.
He pulled you to your feet as the pair of you sprinted for a distant house. A sharp pain stabbed into Clay’s back, making him drop to the ground. How did he not hear the gun? You dropped to your feet, your eyes welling with tears, ripping at his jacket, but he pushed you off, telling you to leave quickly. He leaned forward, eyes locking on the soldiers in gray coming towards them, reloading their rifles. He groaned, pushing himself up, but only having the same stabbing sensation two more times in his chest. He heard you scream, but he couldn’t see you.
His hands were going numb as he touched where the bullets entered, feeling the warm and sticky crimson substance seep between his fingers. The soldiers reached you before you had made it to the house, pulling you to the ground next to him. You were crying heavily as you looked at him. Everything began to run quiet as you held onto him tightly. You were saying something to him, but he couldn’t hear you. He was only aware of his jacket soaking with blood. He coughed, wanting to tell you he loved you one last time, but you were tugged away from him, pressed to one of the men in gray. He raised a hand to you as you fought against the man. And then everything went dark.
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Dream Tag List: (hopefully this works)
@karlkitten @pluto-dizzz @more-like-reyna @honk-izzie-was-taken @marrymetheonott @froggyy06 @ghoulandghost @savingpluto @marshmallow-babe @drunkpumpkincake @unstableye @tinyegg @behzzyboo @twist3dtinkerbell @sparkletash @shroomieissmall @clubfairy @camerondiaz48104 @victory-is-here @rat-poisin @alm334 @acidluvs @pachowpachowbucket @bbigbbrainn @cdizzlevalntyne @idiotinnit @generallysleepdeprived @sacvf @phsychopathetic @froggerrrr @robinslie @essencee @jemalovesmarvel @sbi-is-my-onlysanity @jenlouvre @victoria-a567 @miilliiie @bunnylotl @thegirlwhowritesawksh-t @carlyferrell @dumb-chaotic-bi-energy @nyxieahh @quivvyintheclouds @sarcasticmichelle @book-of-anarchy @millavalntyne @lightdreamy @baddiesforcorpse @sunnynapp @fantasy-innit @rat-poisin @wreny24 @deepestofwaters @exenestea @indecisivehusky @fallxnly @alm334 @skaratjung @punzcanrailme @sap-naps @denki-exe @angeltears18 @silvemistxe33 @andreamalik6 @kris-stuff @sun-fiower-seed @where-thesundoesntshine @dilfdream @esmegregory04 @itsparasocial @mlqcool @mcgoddess404 @rinatdawn @chaoscait @peppermintkisses @libbynotfound @speedrunningtherapy @lunxramour @aoonai @loraleiix @ghoulpixiie
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light-yaers · 3 years
Text
Fools in the Darkness: Chapter Three
Darkling x Reader
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Warnings: Death, violence, drugs (Parem), NSFW and sexual content. This content is explicit and 18+ at some points.
A/N: I keep saying to expect a slow down soon and I MEAN IT. I can’t sustain this any longer and to be honest, be ready for fic writing to come to a halt for a few weeks time in the next months-- I have a university dissertation to be writing, but instead I’m doing this! PRIORITIES. Thank you all for reading, fr.
Fic Masterpost
Word Count - 3.6k
Chapter Three
“I thought he was a respectable General,” Inej whispered, finishing the last of her whiskey with a small frown.
“He plays the role well,” You replied sadly, before looking at Brekker. He was deep in thought, a scowl constantly present on his thin lips. “I’m only one person who knows the truth,”
“Then why tell us?” Kaz spoke suddenly. “Why share this with people you’ve just met?”
You took a moment to ponder your reply. Why were you telling the lackies at the Crow Club? The Dregs of the Barrel? Kaz Brekker and his band of un-merry men and women? Growing up in Kerch meant you already knew their names, despite not living in the country for most of your adult life. News travelled fast, especially when it concerned Ketterdam.
Maybe it was intentional that Inej found you that night, wandering the lush establishments at Fifth Harbour and riling up bouncers because of your appearance and obvious lack of kruge—or maybe it’d been fate.
“Why do you believe it?” You asked in return. “Why do you believe the word of a woman you’ve just met?” Kaz’s jaw clenched in response. He looked down at his desk, probably beating himself up over his prior question, even though it was a good one.
“Your Kefta,” Inej spoke up softly. “From afar, it looks like common dress, but up close, behind the mud and dirt, you can see the intricate embroidery,” She raised her tiny hands to your Kefta, placing her fingers on the stitched details—the winding winds of a Squaller, white threads against a deep black.
“You said you weren’t Second Army,” Kaz spoke up once more. “Yet you were in the Little Palace, being trained by the Darkling himself,”
“I never went on an army mission in the many months I was at the Little Palace,” You replied. “I was grateful at first, until I realised it was simply another way for me to eventually trust Kirigan, to worry about him,” Inej frowned at you then, showing you large and caring eyes. Kaz, however—he looked pained.
“But, what about—,”
“Do you wish for me to continue, Mr. Brekker?” You interrupted him, hearing the want and confusion in his voice. He swallowed down his words, forcing his gaze onto your eyes. He nodded once. You smiled slightly, readying yourself. “My sister’s funeral was held two days later...”
The Little Palace, 1 Year Later
The flames licked at her skin at first, until she was a light—bright, a star, burning so ferociously in a way that mimicked her personality when she was alive. Your sister, your last remaining family, the last love of your life.
She was burning. And there was nothing you could do but watch.
The funeral was a silent and small affair, but you hadn’t expected it to be anything more. If you were still out in the cold, harshness of Fjerda, it would have been even smaller than the reception she had at the Little Palace—
You stood on your own, closer to her burning flames. Behind you stood two Inferni; twins, a brother and sister. They looked at your sister solemnly, despite not knowing you or her. Maybe they felt your pain. Maybe they didn’t want to ever feel your pain. Beyond them stood the Heartrender, Ivan, the one who’d put you into a death state two days prior. And finally, behind him—
General Kirigan of the Second Army.
He donned his Kefta today; a menacing black and grey that only emphasised the broadness of his shoulders. His hands were clasped in front of him, his expression blunt and eyes reflecting the raging flames of your sister’s pyre. As much as you didn’t trust him, refused to trust him, he’d put all of this together.
He’d brought her back from those frozen wastelands. He’d arranged for her body to be cleaned and donned with lavish silks. He’d gathered the Inferni to light her pyre, after you’d denied wanting to light it yourself with a torch.
You stayed perfectly still as you watched her burn, too afraid that moving would only cause you to fully break down. You didn’t want that; you didn’t want another reason for those here to look at you oddly. Kirigan strolled forward then, slowly, gently, as you stayed facing the pyre.
“Let us leave you, now,” He whispered into your ear, so close it made you shiver. You nodded once, but not at him; at your sister. Slowly, one by one, the Grisha left you and your sister, until you were completely alone.
You don’t know how long you stayed out in that acre for, watching the acrid smoke rise into the air and the flames begin to die down, searching for her face within piles of ashes.
It was hours, most likely. The sun had been high in the sky when the pyre was lit, but now it was descending down, down, down the horizon, casting a pink glow over the lavishness of the Little Palace grounds.
And then, the fire went out.
The flames dissipated into nothing more than black smoke.
Then, it seemed almost pointless to stay standing there, frozen like a statue and looking at the last remaining substances of who your sister was. You glanced up at the sky for the first time in hours, indulging in the glorious sunset on the last eve of your sister’s presence on this Earth.
You kissed two of your fingers, placing them above the once flaming pyre. It was still incredibly hot, her ashes retaining the heat of the fire. And then, you left. You didn’t cry, you didn’t collapse, you simply walked back to the Little Palace, entered through the main doors, and then stopped—
And when you stopped, you almost couldn’t take it. You almost couldn’t stand the quiet, the air, the feeling of eyes watching you wherever you went, so close to falling to the ground where you stood and just giving up—
General Kirigan’s door clicked open as you stared at the floor. He rounded the corner of the frame, landing his eyes upon your slumped shoulders and laboured breaths. He took a few timid steps forward, but you hadn’t even noticed him yet, not until he cleared his throat.
You flinched immediately, hitting his eyes as a spike of anxiety was rammed through your heart. He’d scared you, and it seemed he knew he had. He frowned at your reaction, stepping forward once more. “It was a beautiful ceremony,”
You didn’t know what to say to him, nor did you have the energy or will to want to speak to the Darkling that stood before you. But there was a part of you that was grateful for his words—for his company amongst the winding corridors and scowling faces of the Grisha here at the Little Palace.
The only thing you were holding onto was Kirigan’s earlier promise.
“Tea?” He spoke again, this time prompting you to scoff involuntarily. You looked at him with an odd expression, one that was trying to work out his motives. From the small glimpses you’d got of Kirigan around other Grisha, you knew it wasn’t customary for the General to share tea with them.
“I could go for something stronger,” You said breathily, though you weren’t being entirely serious. Kirigan didn’t seem to get your joke, however, as he gestured to his chambers.
“Will Ravkan rum suffice?”
You’d lost count at the fifth, or maybe it was the sixth, but it was easy to just keep topping up your glass when Kirigan placed the bottle on the table between you. Sometimes it was him refilling the glasses and sometimes it was you, but neither of you particularly cared.
You were on the brink of being too drunk to stand, too drunk to know what you were saying, but perhaps—too drunk to care. It was the perfect relaxation tactic after the funeral. You’d almost needed this, even if General Kirigan wasn’t the person you’d imagined being sat opposite you.
“Where do you go all day?” You asked, your words not yet slurring, but getting close. “A few Grisha have said it’s unusual for you to attend training,” He smiled at your question, tapping his rum glass.
You’d had one day of training so far, put on hold for the funeral today. Kirigan had attended, but it’d been obvious that other Grisha were on edge by his presence. All except one—a Sqauller like yourself, by the name of Zoya.
“I don’t just oversee training. I’m in charge of many aspects of the army. Tactics, movements, squadrons,” He sipped his drink. “But you already know my reasoning for wanting to shadow your training,”
You nodded once, humming to yourself without realising. You looked at your hands then, twisting them out in front of you and pinpointing the various lines and indents, the length of your fingers, the curve of your nails.
“You didn’t wear your Kefta today,” Kirigan said, almost in a whisper. You flicked your gaze to his eyes. You’d woken that morning to a knock upon your door—a guard had handed you the intricately designed blue Kefta and then left, leaving you almost speechless.
You’d decided against wearing it, however, sticking to your usual clothes of a blouse and woven trousers, kept up with braces.
“I don’t feel like a Squaller yet,” You replied. “Not a proper one,” It was sad, the way that Kirigan looked at you. It almost made you move your gaze away from his deep eyes, but you couldn’t make yourself do it after alcohol was swimming in your system.
“It’s the blue, isn’t it?” He said, and the smile on his lips was an indication of his joke. You reciprocated his expression, feeling a small bubble of giggles in your gut.
“The blue is lovely,” You replied sarcastically, causing a laugh to burst from the General’s lips. You didn’t realise this man could laugh, could chuckle, could—well—feel.
A comfortable silence fluttered over Kirigan’s chambers. This was the second time you’d been in his room. His décor was so much different than the cream and gold walls of the Little Palace itself; with all dark wood furniture and stained walls. In the centre of his office sat a large circular table, topped with a map of the countries. In the middle—the Fold was indicated with an intricate wooden structure, painted a matte black.
You fluttered your eyes around the room, taking everything in. You inhaled, smelling the wooden scent of the furniture and the musty leather of the chair you sat in, mixed with something sweet that resembled an aftershave. You stared at the paintings and skimmed over his trinkets. Everything seemed to suit him perfectly.
When you turned back, the General was already looking at you.
“I’ll commission you a different Kefta design,” He said it so smoothly that you were reminded of the annoyance it had given you before, but with rum running through your veins all you felt was relaxed. “One that’s more suited to you,”
“You don’t have to do that,” You replied, feeling small under his colossal gaze. He smiled at your reddening cheeks.
“A glorious Kefta for a glorious storm summoner,”
Saints, the way he looked at you was almost too much. His eyes skimmed your skin, traversing your jaw, your nose, your lips, before falling back to your wide eyes. He was regarding you openly and you weren’t looking away—you were taking it full on, perhaps spurring him on to continue.
This was just the rum, it had to be. This wasn’t the General Kirigan you’d ever imagined.
Saints, stop.
“I should go,” You said then, rising yourself from the leather armchair. Kirigan copied you, exhaling at the same time he dragged his eyes off of you.
Your goodbye was as unceremonious as the walk back to your chambers. You staggered a few times, needing to clutch onto the spiral staircase for dear life, but by the time you were back at your room, you were ready to fall asleep immediately.
You lay in bed, your eyelids prepped for immediate rest, but your mind wouldn’t be quiet. In fact, it was yelling at you—screaming, crying, pelting you with warnings—
Stay away from General Kirigan. Do not indulge him.
All you could was laugh at your cautious mind, telling it that it was overreacting, before you were drifting off into much needed sleep.
You still didn’t don the Kefta the next day, sliding down to the training courtyard silently, as if hoping that no one would notice you being there. It was useless to want that, however, considering you were a face that Grisha here didn’t recognise, dressed in clothes instead of your respective Kefta.
You stood to the side while everyone gathered, chatting away before the instructor came forward. “Hand to hand combat is just as important as your abilities,” He said bluntly, flicking his eyes around the colourful group. “We’ll focus on that today. On strengthening your hits, your blocks, your stances,”
You almost smiled to yourself—you knew hand to hand combat. Very well, if you said so yourself. Growing up in Novyi Zem, defenceless and out in the open, you’d adapted quickly to being stealthy, as well as having a mean hit. Hand to hand was something you knew better than your own Grisha abilities.
“Get in pairs,” He continued, and that’s when your face dropped. You glanced around helplessly when everyone started pairing off, giggling and chatting and knowing each other after so long. You felt like a sore thumb; someone who wasn’t wanted.
Suddenly, she bombarded before you—Zoya Nazyalensky. She’d made herself known on your first day, most notably with her dirty looks and the scowl on her jaw, but now? She was beaming, smiling so wide and happily that you almost didn’t recognise her. She gripped your bicep excitedly. “Let’s pair up together, two Squaller’s against the World,”
You had a feeling Zoya wasn’t usually this chipper, but you had no choice but to accept her as your partner.
“Zoya,” The instructor prompted. “You and your partner, front and centre,”
Oh. So, that’s what she wanted.
There was no way to back out now, as Zoya dragged you to the centre of the courtyard. She removed herself to stand opposite you, and that’s when her face changed—back to the dirty looks she’d given you before, the obvious dislike and want to crush you just for funzies. You got the feeling that Zoya felt she was the only Squaller worthy for the Little Palace.
You simply had to prove yourself, then, in front of the other Grisha.
“Fight to defend yourselves, not to attack,” The instructor said, his eyes mostly on Zoya. She dipped into a stance and you followed suit.
Saints, please make this fight the least amount of humiliating that it needs to be.
Within seconds, she was moving. Her first swung through the air swiftly, but you jutted your elbow up to stop her forearm, whacking back with all of your force. Zoya gasped from the interruption, but it allowed you to jab your knuckles into her ribs.
You punched forward, hitting her right in her ribs and causing her to stagger back slightly from the hit. Her brows only furrowed more as you continued your back and forth, a hit—a block—a stance—a hit—a block—it was endless and incredibly draining, but the more you fought, the more Zoya became frustrated.
She’d been wanting a quick fight; something to show that she was superior. Little had she known that you were a fighter, more so with your fists than the winds.
You stepped back to the edge of the circle, breathing deeply, arms out in front of you ready to block her hits. Your hair was in your eyeline, the braces of your trousers slipping from your shoulders, but you wouldn’t stop for a second to pull them back up.
Zoya’s cheeks were blotched with colour, her mouth ajar as she inhaled and exhaled deep, long breaths, trying to get oxygen back into her system. You could see the anger creeping onto her face with every second that passed. You were reluctant to storm forward to hit her, knowing that that would give her the blocking advantage, so you stayed put, counting down the seconds until you’d be free of this pointless and embarrassing fight.
At that second, the doors to the Little Palace were pulled open. Zoya and yourself took a few seconds to peer towards the creaking doors, as General Kirigan strolled towards the training session strongly, with a purpose, no hint of a hangover on his stubborn jaw.
Zoya’s face upturned into a smile at his arrival, but you were a few seconds too late at returning to the fight. Zoya’s hands were brought together immediately, summoning her power as you were helplessly bombarded backwards by winds—
You landed on your back with a thud, hearing the subtle laughs and chuckles of the observing Grisha. You didn’t care though; if you cared about every small battle, every time you fell, then you would have died of humiliation by now. You simply got yourself up again, glancing upon the questioning face of Kirigan as he stared at Zoya—
Then you brought your hands together—
And you summoned the storms that you were used to summoning. Maybe it was overkill, as the entire courtyard was encased in circling winds, or maybe it was needed, just to get Grisha like Zoya off of your fucking back. You spurred the winds on, tightening the funnel and tensing your muscles to keep it contained, even if it was large.
Zoya’s hair whipped around her as she watched your storm appear from nothing. Her eyes landed upon your own, sending you a clear and precise message—fear. She’d never seen a storm such a this, not even by her own hand.
“How?” She yelled, frustration laced within her words. But, you weren’t done with her yet.
You attempted a move you’d never done before, summoning the winds to your hands instead of the surrounding courtyard—you struggled against their power, but when you felt confident in your aim and execution, you let them loose.
Winds rushed forward, hitting Zoya directly in her gut and slamming her backwards; just as she’d done to you. She hit the floor harshly, laying there for a few moments as she fought against her winded lungs.
You allowed your storm to dissipate then, flicking your eyes over the shocked faces of the other Grisha, before allowing yourself to land upon the face of General Kirigan—
He was already staring at you, the way he’d done the night before. His lips were curled into a small smile, his eyes peering into yours and only yours, as if he didn’t care about the ruckus that you’d just created during the training session. He looked just as speechless as your fellow Grisha, but with a higher level of understanding and appreciation—
He looked like he’d never tire from seeing you summon these storms.
Zoya curled herself up from the floor painfully, grunting through the discomfort as she forced herself to standing once more. She went to storm forward, her face twisted with red rage, but the instructor came between her and yourself.
“Enough,” He said, eyes skimming over the prying gaze of the General.
“Do that again and I’ll send you above the cloud-line without a parachute,” Zoya threatened openly, but you couldn’t help but smile.
“I don’t think Squaller threats work on other Squallers,” You replied, gaining a few scoffs and huffs from the Grisha who surrounded you. You weren’t expecting one of them to be Kirigan, however, as his gently bobbing chest hit your peripheral. He was silently chuckling, moving his gaze between yourself and Zoya like a tennis match.
Zoya was wounded, that much was obvious. You would have felt bad if she hadn’t effectively asked for it. She’d been looking for a fight, and that’s exactly what she’d got—it wasn’t your fault that you fought better than she thought you would.
Kirigan regarded you then, getting your attention by raising his hand out before him. He motioned you over with two curling fingers. You shot a look at Zoya and the instructor once, before obeying the General’s orders. He tilted his head down as you approached him, keeping his expression light and soft.
“I see you’ve met Zoya,” He said, amusement certainly on his lips. You stared at him bluntly.
“We’re the best of friends. Can’t you tell?” You replied, but you kept your voice quieter. You were all too aware of the prying eyes of the Grisha in the courtyard, muttering to each other as to why the General had made another appearance at training.
He smiled wider, glancing back at the Squaller and then back to you, letting out a small huff of laughter. You were once again astounded that this man could laugh; every time he chuckled or the bob of his shoulders was shown, you found yourself paying too much attention to the boyish way he sounded, the soft curve of his jaw as he was smiling, the carefree way his hands flinched as he chuckled.
“Can you ride?” He asked then, changing the subject. You nodded at him once. “Good. We ride tomorrow, together. I want to show you something,”  
He strolled off then, without giving you a chance to reply. You watched as his arms draped by his sides and his broad shoulders were even broader as they arched across his back. You swallowed to cut off your thoughts, choosing to focus too closely on the sound of your heartbeat beneath your ribs and the subtle ache of your limbs after fighting Zoya, instead.
You watched until the General was back inside the Little Palace, the black glint of his uniform still etched in your peripheral— even when he wasn’t around.
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Once again, I’m sorry if your tag doesn’t work-- I really don’t know why they don’t work!
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rayshippouuchiha · 3 years
Note
A Tobi/Naruto/Madara where Naruto is drunkenly reversed summoned to bridge the divide between the 2.
“They’re at it again,” Mito grumbles as she clutches her heavily doctored teacup, too irritated and done to bother brushing aside the tendrils of hair falling down from her buns to frame her face.
Hashirama, sake dish in hand, grunts in agreement, flinching minutely as the screaming and crashing in the Senju private training ground grows ever louder and more vicious.
He’s going to have to repair basically everything once one or both of the idiots finally get through throwing their respective tantrums.
“What’re they fighting about this time?” Mito asks.
“Honestly?” Hashirama drains his sake dish in one deep swallow.  “I’m not sure if even they know anymore.  I think it started with Tobirama saying something about going fishing and then Madara said something about Inarizushi and the next thing I know they were screaming and throwing chakra around.”
“By the Sage I wish they’d just fuck instead of resorting to this petty behavior,” Mito announces bluntly.
Hashirama just raises his now refilled dish in his wife’s direction in silent support and agreement, long used to the coarser aspects of her personality she only shows him in the privacy of their home.
There’s a moment of long, companionable silence between them, broken only by the shrieks and thundering crashes from outside.
“Wishful thinking,” Mito finally murmurs as she drains her teacup and reaches for one of Hashirama’s many sake bottles, no longer bothering to pretend.  “They’d never be able to get that close without it ending in a fight.”
“They need a babysitter,” Hashirama mutters, watching his wife down two entire bottles of sake in rapid succession without flinching.  Ah, the Uzumaki.  True wonders of the world that Clan.  He’ll be forever grateful that he married one who hadn’t felt the need to murder him in his sleep. Yet.  “A permanent one.  Thought about making it an S-class mission but there’s no one in the village who’d take it.  Or anyone besides the two of us who realistically could.”
“Babysitter indeed,” Mito scoffs as she clutches a third sake bottle to her chest.  “We need to find some idiot stubborn and strong enough to put up with both of them.  Someone who can bridg-”
Mito breaks off suddenly, sitting bolt upright from where she’d slowly begun to slump towards the table.
“Mito?” Hashirama blinks and stares at his wife who’s staring into the distance with a look of glee slowly beginning to dawn across her face.
Mito’s moving in the next second, sake bottle still clutched in one hand as the other sweeps out across the table, sending the the cups, papers, and tea setting sitting there flying across the room. Hashirama just raises his hands above his head to avoid to keep his sake from spilling and waits her out.
“Oh, it’s perfect,” Mito cackles, a truly disturbing grin splitting open her lovely face.  It reminds Hashirama of that truly painful but glorious week they’d spent in Hot Spring Country.  He still aches sometimes just thinking about it and Tobirama always looks vaguely nauseous and flees from his “perverted daydreaming expression”.
“Beloved?” Hashirama calls again.
“Go get me some of both the idiot’s blood,” Mito orders instead of answering as she pulls out the brush and ink kit she’s never without from the folds of her kimono.
“Yes dear,” Hashirama knows better than to argue.  Instead, sake dish still in hand, he ghosts out of the room and down the hall to Tobirama’s quarters.  He side steps the traps absently and makes his way towards Tobirama’s at home workdesk.  It’s the work of moments to rifle through one of the drawers and pull out two vials, both filled with blood and neatly labeled.
Madara would probably explode if he knew just how many samples of his blood, hair, and tissue Tobirama was storing.
Hashirama on the other hand is used to it by now.  Tobirama, his beloved brother, is a scientist and enjoys his experiments and research.  
When he makes it back to the sitting room it’s to find Mito balancing on one finger in the center of the table, sake bottle resting on the flat of her foot above her head as her free hand moves the brush across the wood with lightning quick but flawlessly steady motions.
Looks like he’ll have to replace this table too although he knows better than to say anything about it.
Instead he just sets the vials of blood down within her line of sight and flops back down onto one of the pillows.
“This’ll fix the little bastards,” Mito murmurs.
“You’re not banishing them to the shadow realm are you, dearest?” Hashirama feels the need to ask.  “Because we’ve talked about that.”
“Unfortunately, no, not this time,” Mito answers absently even as she switches hands smoothly, the sake bottle on her foot not even wavering.
Ah, what a woman.
“Then can I ask?” Hashirama prompts her.
“A bridge,” Mito tells him.  “If those two idiots can’t get along on their own and there’s no one in the village who can or would take them both on then I’ll simply have to find someone who can.”
Mito pushes up off of the table, body moving upright in a flurry of silk even as she catches her sake bottle absently in her free hand.  She drains it, tosses it aside, and then reaches for the vial of Madara’s blood.
She uses a finger to draw more seals with first his and then Tobirama’s blood in the center of the array.
“Someone strong enough to match them both,” Mito proclaims.  “And kind, loyal, and stubborn enough to actually bother doing it.”
“That’s a tall order,” Hashirama mutters.
“Which of course means it will probably have to be an Uzumaki,” Mito tells him as she bites down on her pinky hard enough to draw blood and adds only a single drop to one of the seals directly in the middle of the array.
“Probably the only real option from any of the Clans we know,” Hashirama agrees because it’s true.  Hashirama knows Tobirama well enough to know that’s true and Madara is an Uchiha and, well, that pretty much says it all.
Only an Uzumaki could deal with both of them at the same time.
“That should do it,” Mito announces, hands already moving through signs at a rapid pace and her chakra beginning to flare and pulse.  “Let’s meet the answer to our prayers, husband.”
Mito slams her palm into the center of the table and the room erupts into blinding light.
And then there’s only chakra.
It washes over the room like a golden wave, tinged with something that makes the hair on the back of Hashirama’s neck stand straight up.
He barely registers it when the shoji doors are practically ripped off of their tracks as Tobirama and Madara spill into the room together.
“Ow,” a voice, husky, warm, unfamiliar but obviously male, sounds out then.  “That hurt.  What’s the big idea?”
The smoke from the summons finally begins to clear and even Hashirama is taken aback by what he sees.
Sprawled out on the table in a mess of silk and spikey golden hair, is a man.
With golden skin bared by the gaping collar of the kimono tied shut with a Konoha headband, sky blue eyes that blink at all four of them in confusion, and rolling chakra that makes even Hashirama want to do a confusing mix of either cower or close his eyes and nap, he’s stunning.
“Who in the hells is this?” Madara is the first to break the silence and Hashirama’s more than a bit shocked to note the slightly breathless quality of his voice.
“I’m Naruto,” the man, Naruto, answers.  “Uzumaki Naruto.”
“Fishcake,” Tobirama murmurs, eyes not wavering from Naruto.
“Ridiculous,” Madara seems to agree.
“Maelstrom,” Naruto protests hotly, cheeks puffing out just a bit as he pushes himself up off of the table and gets directly in Madara and Tobirama’s space.  “Not fishcake!  And the only thing ridiculous is how stupid both of your hair is.”
Naruto reaches out a hand in both of their directions to yank fearlessly at their hair.
In the background Mito abruptly begins to cackle madly.
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batmayne · 3 years
Text
𝐉𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐒 “𝐁𝐔𝐂𝐊𝐘” 𝐁𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐄𝐒 - fluff alphabet by @snk-warriors
featured song: Hide by Juice Wrld and Seezyn
warnings: small mentions of angst
authors note: this was written before tfatws (aka before I knew bucky’s personality) so I apologize for any inconsistencies and or if he’s ooc.
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𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐄𝐒 - what do they like to do with their significant other? how do they spend their free time with them?
Since Bucky’s only available time to spend with you would most likely just be time he had off in between missions (unless you were an avenger yourself), most of your time spent together would be spent relaxing. If you do happen to not be an Avenger or maybe live out of New York (kind of like Laura Barton) he would more inclined to spend time at your house instead of his own. You are his solace away from all of the peril and endangerment that comes with his everyday occupation from saving the world from various threats - anytime spent with you is enough to make him happy. Activities wise I believe that he would enjoy simple things like taking your dog for a walk in the park, visiting a local museum or even just going to a family owned diner to grab milkshakes. Time not spent out would most likely be spent indoors reading or watching movies.
𝐁𝐄𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐘 - what do they admire about their significant other? what do they think is beautiful about them?
I can’t imagine that things like appearance, weight and height mean a whole lot to him, your personality is what really drew him in. He was initially attracted to your kindness and patience, because just befriending someone with the amount of baggage that his past holds is no easy feat. Unlike others, you didn’t treat him like a monster because of what HYDRA had forced him to do for the past 70 years of brainwashing. He admires you for taking the time to understand him when no one else did, especially after Steve went back in time to be with Peggy. He and Sam had become close of course but it couldn’t compare to what he had with you.
𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐓 - how would they help their significant other when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?
He knows all to well what it means it be “feeling down” or having troubles mentally so he would be very understanding about it. If you a working or have some sort of occupation he would encourage you to probably take some time off to recover and if he was able he would take a break as well so you wouldn’t be alone. If it was more serious he would want you to go get help, because that is what you have done for him in the past.
𝐃𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐌𝐒 - how do they picture their future with their significant other?
As mentioned earlier, I think that seeing what happened to Steve after he decided to spend his life with Peggy and have children of his own really would have struck a chord with him. Once he came out of HYDRA’s possession I think he may have thought that a chance at having a different life with a significant other and even children would be near impossible - but after he met you he was willing to give that fantasy a second try. I think he would be over the moon with eventually marrying you when things calm down some (he wouldn’t want to put you in danger if some enemy was targeting him) and having a child or two (if you wanted). Overall I think he just just craves for a simple and peaceful life with you, without having to worry about the dangers of his job or the outside world.
𝐄𝐐𝐔𝐀𝐋 - are they the dominant one in the relationship or rather passive?
The both of you are definitely equals in this relationship, in every aspect. I have to mention though, some of that 40’s gentleman may come out at times where he likes to hold the door open for you or help you out of the car. But he would only do this if you were comfortable with it of course, if it bothered you or got on your nerves in any way he would definitely stop - no questions asked.
𝐅𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 - would they be easy to forgive their significant other? how are they fighting?
There may be more arguments in the beginning of the relationship because he hasn’t been in one in so long, and the majority of them center around either him not wanting to hurt you on accident (I imagine that he is still uncomfortable with his arm) or pushing you away. Eventually after he gets more comfortable around you the fights will lessen, but when they do occur you just give eachother plenty of space before reconciling and trying to work things out. One thing he will not do is leave for a mission without making up with you - if something happened and your relationship was left on a bad note he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself.
𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐓𝐔𝐃𝐄 - how grateful are they in general? are they aware of what their significant other is doing for them?
Bucky is beyond grateful that you are with him and he would reassure you about it constantly. Befriending him alone is a huge task in itself, not everyone has the patience to even do something as simple as that. Taking the time to get to know and understand why he is the way he is without judging him for it is something that he will be forever greatfull for.
𝐇𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐘 - do they hide secrets from their significant other? or do they share everything?
As much as he would want to shelter his ominous and dark past from you he knew that wouldn’t be possible with him being a wanted criminal several years ago - he wasn’t exactly famous be he was definitely well known (unfortunately not for the better parts of his life). It would take him some time for him to open up about everything he has gone through, but after some time he will open up about it. It’s nothing against you personally, he just fears that once you know everything you’ll run away from him (which wou wouldn’t of course). He just needs some time.
𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐏𝐈𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 - did their significant other change them somehow or the other way around? like trying out new things or helped them overcome problems?
Your relationship has had quite the positive effect on him since the start, and it’s something that his friends would immediately take notice of. Of course you couldn’t solve and help with everything that HYDRA has put him through, but just having you around has done tremendous things for his mood. When Sam notices that he hasn’t said “I hate you” to him in the past week, he knew that something was up.
𝐉𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐔𝐒𝐘 - do they get jealous easily? how do they deal with it?
I think Bucky would be more protective than jealous, but not in a creepy or possessive sense if you get what I am saying? He wouldn’t mind if you spent a lot of time hanging out with friends or anything like that, but if he feels like someone is making you uncomfortable he wouldn’t hesitate to place a reassuring hand around your waist so they’ll back off.
𝐊𝐈𝐒𝐒 - are they a good kisser? how was their first kiss? and 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐅𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍 - how did they confess to their significant other?
He isn’t particular with his kisses in my opinion, as long as they aren’t too sloppy and there aren’t many people around (I’ll discuss this more in the PDA section). I head canon that he really likes giving and receiving cheek and forehead kisses - but he will repeatedly deny it if you mention it to anyone else. (Your first kiss and love confession happened at the same time so I wrote a little Drabble about it below eugh)
Your first kiss took place when you were bordering the fine line between friends and something more. Bucky was taking some time off after a particularly rough mission and you gave him a place to stay away from all of the action. Finding him outside relaxing on a bench not too far from your house/apartment, you joined him and sat in a peaceful silence for a few minutes.
“Hey [Your Name]?” He spoke tentatively, distracting you from picking at the fraying end of your shorts.
“What’s up?” You questioned in turn, raising an eyebrow. Your breath hitched when you felt the coolness of his metal hand gently grab one of yours, and his human one placed itself on top.
“I just want to say thank you.”
“Bucky, you know you’re welcome to stay here anytime you need to-“
“That’s not what I meant.” He cut you off immediately, his voice wavering slightly. “I mean thank you, for accepting me, and not judging me for my past.”
“Of course.” You chirped back, maybe a little too fast.
It sounds cheesy but it did feel as if something was drawing your faces closer, and you eventually placed your free hand on his cheek as if saying a silent “yes”. When his lips finally pressed upon your own you felt an eruption of butterflies fly around your stomach, especially after you felt his arm glide around to your back. Once he pulled away it was hard to keep the smiles plastered off of both of your faces.
𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐈𝐀𝐆𝐄 - do they want to get married? how would they propose to their significant other?
Marriage wasn’t one of the things he thought that he would be able to enjoy when he was rescued from HYDRA, but I believe after he began his relationship with you he would most likely change his mind. Within the first few months of dating he already knows that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you so why not go ahead and tie the knot? He’d probably wait around a year to ensure that you felt the same before popping the question. I don’t get the “proposing in front of a large crowd of people vibe” from him so I’d probably say he would propose at an at home dinner where it was just the two of you. Most likely on a holiday such as Valentine’s Day or someday that was meaningful for the both of you (like the day you met or when you officially started dating).
𝐍𝐈𝐂𝐊𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐒 - what do they call their significant other?
Other than your name, Dollface or Doll.
𝐎𝐍 𝐂𝐋𝐎𝐔𝐃 𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐄 - what are they like in love? is it obvious to others? How do they express their feelings?
Now, I wouldn’t necessarily call him a simp - because that would be disrespectful, but. Other than being reunited with his childhood best friend Steve, you are the best thing that has happened to him. Of course you couldn’t possibly solve all of his problems and erase everything horrible that has happened to him but you sure do help a lot. Sam notices that he is in noticeably brighter spirits and he is also experiencing less nightmares. When a particular mission gets rough or difficult the only thing keeping him going is knowing that you are at home waiting for him.
𝐏𝐃𝐀 - are they upfront about their relationship? do they brag with their significant other in front of others? or are they shy to kiss etc. with other people around?
Similar to Steve, I reckon that he wouldn’t be comfortable with public displays of affection because of the era he was raised in, where it was more frowned upon. Another thing to remember is that even though his name has been cleared he was a wanted criminal for quite some time, so I imagine he is already somewhat self conscious about being in public already. Additionally, the nature of his job caused him to already be a wanted target for many dangerous people, and he wants to keep you away from that by keeping you a secret from the public. This isn’t to say that he would be opposed to hand holding or subtle things such as that, just nothing that what be too attention grabbing from other people.
𝐐𝐔𝐈𝐑𝐊 - what random ability do they have that’s beneficial in the relationship?
As kind as he is once you get to know him personally - there is no denying that he can be quite intimidating, even without the vibranium arm. Though not intentional. Being with him is like having your own personal bodyguard around you at all times. Normally, you wouldn’t even have to worry about the potential unwanted admirer because his presence would scare them off before they even attempted to say anything.
𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄 - how romantic are they? What would they do to make their significant other happy?
I cannot emphasize this enough, he is the perfect gentleman. Since he is unfortunately gone so often (saving the world and all), I theorize that his love language might be Recieving Gifts. They may not be extravagant or expensive but they’re things he thought you would like from the various locations that he’s visitied for missions. As far as making you happy he’ll do just about anything (within reason of course). Take watching movies for example, there may be a particular genre or type of film he isn’t interested in, but if you want to watch it he’ll oblige because he knows you would do the same for him. Another thing is when he is at home and not busy with missions, he ensures that all of his free time is spent with you.
𝐒𝐔𝐏𝐏𝐎𝐑𝐓 - are they helping their significant other achieve their goals? do they believe in them?
He may not right off understand everything you want to achieve and why, but he would certainly do everything he can to help you achieve in them. Like I said, he might not actually understand entirely all of your goals, but he will be supportive regardless.
𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐈𝐋𝐋 - do they need to try out new things to spice out their relationship? or do they prefer a specific routine?
Having been basically shut out from the world for the past 70 years, there is a plethora of things that Bucky has not seen yet or tried. Each date you have could mean trying something new, so things rarely ever get boring for with of you. While he doesn’t mind keeping a routine like getting dinner every Friday, its nearly impossible with what he does for a living.
𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐆 - how much do they know their partner? are they empathetic?
As you do with him, he knows you like the back of his hand. Even though he may not have known you throughout your entire life, I would say knows you on a closer level than most of your friends and relatives (which the exception of your parents and closest friends depending on your on your relationship with them). As stated earlier, he might not understand everything that you might go through but he will surely be empathetic to all of your struggles - as you are with his own.
𝐕𝐀𝐋𝐔𝐄 - how important is the relationship to them? what is it’s in it’s comparison to their things in their life?
Your relationship is by far the best thing that has ever happened to him so if something were to happen to it he would certainly be broken up over it, as would you. A lot of your relationship was founded on helping eachother through difficult times going on in both of your lives so the relationship ending would be quite problematic for the both of you. In comparison to other things that are in his life you are most definitely at the very top of that list.
𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐃 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃 - a random fluff head canon.
He refuses to let you tie your own shoes when they come loose. It was a subtle thing you noticed even at the beginning of your friendship. One of your laces would come untied and he’d keep insisting that you tie them so you wouldn’t fall and get hurt - until he eventually would just do it himself. It was a subtle gesture but still enough to make you swoon a bit at the kindness of it.
𝐗𝐎𝐗𝐎 - are they affectionate? do they love to kiss and cuddle?
He is indeed affectionate, as long as you are alone and no other people are around. Having said this I feel like having a significant other who is constantly cuddling him might make him uncomfortable, so someone more low key and less touchy would be his vibe. Bucky has spent a lot of his life alone and in isolation, so it would definitely be something that he would get used to at the beginning of your relationship. This doesn’t mean he wont cuddle at all though, he just may not be into it as much as others.
𝐘𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 - how will they cope when they are missing their partner?
An unfortunate side effect of dating a superhero is that they’ll be away on missions quite often - you and Bucky’s relationship was no stranger to that. I’d imagine that he would attempt to call and text as much as he could, but of course the majority of the time he would be unavailable. To cope with missing you, he would probably end up talking about it to Sam after a lot of coaxing. While it would indeed help some, what actually kept him going was as I said earlier: knowing that you were at home safe and waiting for him to get back.
𝐙𝐄𝐀𝐋 - what lengths are they will to go for the relationship? if so what kind of lengths?
As I have stated numerous times your relationship is what keeps him going everyday, it’s what wakes him up in the morning. You are the single most important person in his life and always will be. He would do anything within his power to ensure your safety (within the parameters of reason of course). But in general he would do about anything for your relationship.
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pochiperpe90 · 3 years
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Here comes “The Old Guard”. Marinelli goes to Hollywood, alongside Charlize Theron.
“Alone, fragile and immortal.”
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A story of love, friendship and compassion with an ancient warrior and a young African American, who has just discovered she is immortal, as protagonists. Because the world needs women and courage knows no gender differences. 20 years after “Love & Basketball” and after “The Secret Life of Bees” and “Beyond the Lights - Find Your Voice”, Gina Prince-Bythewood comes to the action movie with very clear ideas on how to reinvent the rules. We talked to her over the phone while she was in Los Angeles during the lockdown. 
A superhero movie that doesn't look like a superhero movie. Is that why you decided to make it? 
Absolutely yes, when I read the script I realized that despite the fantastic genre there was a very realistic background. These characters are real and it's easy for the audience to relate to them despite being immortal. They fight for goals and reasons that people understand. The more realistic the film, the more viewers can reflect themselves in the protagonists. 
In fact, the most fascinating aspect of the characters is their vulnerability: they are immortal, but up to a certain point, which is a paradox. They too have to deal with the sense of the end. 
There is a possibility that they may die, that their immortality is interrupted, that they still suffer from their wounds, and this brings them closer to us. The public still feels sorry for them when they see them in danger.
Immortals suffer, and not just physically.
Many think that being able to live forever would be extraordinary, but no one asks what this really means. Immortality has consequences: it can be a gift, but it can also be a curse.
And we don’t know why immortality fell to them. 
The thing I loved about the graphic novel and the script is the fact that there is no explanation. Not only do we not know it, but neither do the protagonists. But it is a trilogy and therefore there is still a lot to tell.
Could you offer your contribution to the script? 
It was a great script, with great roles based on the graphic novel so I stayed very true to the text. With the author, Greg Rucka, we wanted to reflect on the fear of taking someone's life, the one that sometimes overwhelms soldiers in war, whose psychology is often neglected. Hollywood films have never been very concerned with this aspect, as if killing had no consequences. The protagonists are forced to kill, but if someone has been doing it for centuries, for others it’s the first time. 
What struck you about Luca Marinelli? 
I could talk about him for days, I love him, he's the actor that all directors dream of having on set. He loved the character and gave him life in a very credible way. Between him and Marwan Kenzari is born a great complicity, necessary between two people who have been together for centuries. Luca's eyes are full of soul, his Nicky is the heart of the group, he’s the most sensitive character of all of them. 
Charlize Theron, who is also one of the producers, has an increasingly and more torn body.
Charlize has already played roles like this one, she is very credible in the genre of action and has been helpful to who had never faced it before. From her, who really worked hard, others learned to do the same. She is very credible in the role of a woman who lived for thousands of years.
Matthias Schoenaerts, on the other hand, has an insidious role. 
He embodies the tragedy of immortality, loneliness, betrayal. He is the actor who most resembles his character in the graphic novel. He wanted to make the film at all costs because he had never measured himself with the action genre and felt he had things to express. 
The film underlines how today it’s no longer possible to hide, images can capture you at any time. 
In a scene near the end, when the immortals look at photos and articles about them, they truly become aware for the first time of everything they have done to protect humanity. They understand the power of images from which they continually try to escape in order to hide their identity. 
And then we talk about science and profit. 
In the film, people from different places join forces to protect the world, a need even more relevant today. Yet it is increasingly evident that profit matters more than human lives. 
Do you think the film industry is becoming more inclusive with women? 
Things are finally changing and I am grateful that, despite having no other action films on my resume, I have been entrusted with The Old Guard. I am grateful for the trust they have placed in me. It should be taken for granted by now that women are capable of coping with any film genre and I think how much pressure from the industry Patty Jenkins, who directed Wonder Woman to success and opening the door for many of us, went through. But the door must be wide open because there are still few who have such opportunities. 
In your opinion, have opportunities grown with the arrival of platforms like Netflix? 
Netflix wasn't afraid to trust a series of directors. Which studio would have produced Roma or Irishman? He has the courage to make films that Hollywood deems too risky.
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The Golden boy
“Luca Marinelli, as we have never seen him before: in his Hollywood debut, he becomes an immortal and fights with Charlize Theron to save the world.”
Just before the lockdown he was one of the jury members of the 70th Berlinale in the city where he has lived for years - and he swears he had so much fun watching three films a day. The audience awaits him in theatre in the role of Diabolik, in the film directed by Manetti Bros., but on July 10th he arrives on Netflix with The Old Guard, the action movie that sees him alongside Charlize Theron. And where he plays the Italian Nicolo, Nicky for the group of immortals he belongs to. Directed by Gina Prince-Bythewood and based on the graphic novel by Greg Rucka and Leandro Fernández, the film offers Luca Marinelli an insidious superpower, an endless love and a new opportunity to demonstrate his talent as a true champion. We reached him on the phone and he, less shy than usual, told us how he became a secular "superhero".
How did you get to the project? 
I auditioned in London, where I later returned and met the director. Lastly, there was a final meeting between me and Marwan Kenzari. We made a scene together and then they announced to me, "We'd love for you to be Nicky." 
What struck you about this character? 
The story fascinated me because it tells of immortals as if they were the damned. Nicky and Joe live this condition as a gift because they are linked by a wonderful love story and they are not alone. They met in an absurd and paradoxical situation, during the Crusades, ready to kill themselves. They did it a hundred times and then they looked at each other and fell in love. But others suffer from it, like Andy and Booker. In a beautiful scene, Booker, played by Matthias Schoenaerts, explains what happens to them: they see the people they love die and blame them because they cannot prevent it. And they are tired of watching the world repeat itself following the same dynamics. They fight to save people, but everything seems to go on the same way. Only in the end will they discover what they have done and what they are doing. 
How did it go with Charlize Theron? 
Well, it was wonderful! As I read the script I said to myself: am I really going to make a film with Charlize Theron? And hug as well! I was very excited and intimidated already while reading. She is an extraordinary actress. In the scene where we are at the table and everyone tells Nile something about us, Andy tells her what we are and it was nice to see her running and venturing into the midst of emotions and thoughts. Sometimes I got distracted and didn't say my line. But Charlyze is also a crazy athlete. You have to be really athletes, otherwise you don't survive at the end of the day. And Charlize is an athlete of the body and the heart. 
What about her athletic training? 
We got together a month before shooting to start working with the stunts. I had to get some athleticism back: when I arrived and they looked at me I think they were a little worried. We had to become familiar with martial arts and then we switched from the sword to other weapons and to hand-to-hand combat. We prepared scene by scene, including the choreographies, different for each fight, and each of us had his own rubber reproduction of the sword. It was an unforgettable training.
The immortals come from different places in the world. How much of Italy is there in Nicky? 
Apart from the pronunciation? They still laugh at some of the things I said. Marwan and Matthias, but also Charlize, speak Italian at different levels and every now and then I enjoyed shooting a few sentences to which they could answer me. 
Did you offer your character something that wasn't in the script? 
Well, being in such a group, shy as I am ... I tried. I have always focused on the bond between Nicky, Joe and the other members of the group, because I am interested in discovering what is inside a character, his feelings, how he looks at the world, what excites him. Nicky has lived for centuries, but still greets the people he meets in the desert with a smile, inside him there is the flame of an infinite good. Each character has a different sensitivity and their own armor. Nicky is perhaps the least armored one.
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The challenge was also to make people believe in a love story that has lasted for centuries. 
Marwan recites a beautiful monologue in which he talks about their love story. I hope that each of us, in their short life, can say the same thing about the person they love. 
You’ve already had superpowers in “They Call Me Jeeg”. What is your relationship with this genre? 
I like it very much and I think that both films, very different from each other, have a very interesting soul. In Jeeg Robot, Enzo Ceccotti uses his superpowers to help others, taking on a social responsibility. In The Old Guard the protagonists put themselves at the service of others, even if no one has asked them to. “This is what we do,” they repeat over and over to each other. What they do is save people, participate in what they think is right. 
How do you think they would react to protests on American streets and around the world?
I don't feel like playing games, mixing reality and fiction on a terribly real subject like this. I think that in reality, outside of any cinematic fiction, it’s fundamental to fight for equality, within society, but also within ourselves. To go back to our film, if in a microscopic way we manage to carry a message in that direction, I would be very happy. 
What director was Gina Prince-Bythewood? 
She is always ready to listen, and I am someone who asks a lot of questions even at inappropriate times. She always had great patience and was very attentive to the emotional side of the film, to the interiority and beauty of the characters.
CIAK Magazine - Luglio 2020
Just wanted to translate this old interview for the non-italian’s fans ^^ (sorry for my English)
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