#listen i know this is all i've posted in the last 24 hours but i really like it ok pls don't let this flop

[perfectlyvalid49]

I just want to say that your words about feeling like you yourself are becoming radicalized resonated with me. I was already growing fed up with the current state of leftism and this just seems the last straw. The black and white thinking, the purity culture, the blood thirst – I’m just done.

I’m not even Jewish in any meaningful way (my mom hid/disavowed that part of her ancestry growing up in the soviets). I’m just a very mixed queer person whose ethnicity is best described as ‘uhhh.’ But my social circle has always been largely Jewish, and recently many of said social circle have had to up and leave their home country. In many cases, Israel was their only option. So seeing thousands of people who are supposedly on my side thoughtlessly chant ‘from the river to the sea’ just broke me. Seeing people try to prove that it’s not antisemitic has been mind-boggling. “It doesn’t explicitly call for violence against Jewish people.” Well, nor does ‘Jews will not replace us,’ and yet…

I deleted my social media at a really low point, and now that I’m back I find myself mostly following Jewish blogs. And I feel my worldview shifting because where before I had hopes that things that frustrate me on the left could maybe be fixed, now I no longer think it’s fixable.

Sorry for rambling from this Schrödinger’s gentile

Hi Anon,

I’m glad I could write something that spoke to you.

Before this blog became so focused on the conflict in Israel, I talked a lot about US politics, a topic I’ve been interested in since I was in middle school (I’m weird and nerdy – get over it). And to be clear, I’m “old” for the internet, so middle school means the 1996 presidential election, which I remember discussing with my friends at lunch (they were also weird and nerdy, there’s a reason we were friends).

So when I say that I’ve been watching other people get radicalized for a long time, I mean it. I’ve watched friends fall into information silos and have felt helpless to stop it. I mean, the best man at my (very Jewish!) wedding is now a trad-Cath who thinks I’m going to hell because I refuse to accept Jesus into my life.

There has always been an antisemitism problem on the left. You can scroll through just about any blog on jumblr and look at posts prior to October and you can see that we were all bitching about it before the 7th. I’m not sure if it has actually gotten worse or if it’s just more obvious now, but we can say they seem radicalized now. Honestly, there’s nothing I can do about it, because they certainly aren’t going to listen to me – I’m a filthy (((Zionist))) after all.

But there’s at least a handful of Jewish people who are listening to me. I’ve picked up a score of followers in the last few months, so clearly you all think what I have to say is worth reading, so read this: I worry that at least parts of the Jewish community are headed down a bad path and I don’t know what to do about it. I know why we are blocking and unfollowing so many – the things they say are hurtful at best and terrifying at worst. But it leaves us in a situation where it’s the same few voices being repeated over and over. It doesn’t mean that we are radicalized, but I worry that we’re headed toward an echo chamber at least, and that’s not good. I’ve left a lot of leftist spaces behind. I’d prefer to not have to do that with Jewish ones as well.

I don’t have a solution other than that we need to be really careful and think about how we’re thinking about things if that makes any sense. The example I gave last time was moving from “you can be anti-Zionist without being antisemitic” to “anti-Zionism is antisemitism.” How did we make that move? Was it motivated by logic or emotion? It’s ok to change your stance, but with the way things are I think we really need to think about why we’re doing that, or it could lead to a bad place.

Back to the anon who is losing hope – that’s tough, and I can see why you feel that way. There are two thoughts that I repeat to myself to keep me hopeful. The first is that on a long enough timescale, things tend to improve. There’s lots of small steps forward and stumbling backwards, but overall we tend to move in the right direction. The other is that trying and failing and not trying at all have the same result. Maybe we won’t have a big effect. But if I can tell 30 people and even three of them can tell 30 people and so on, then maybe my words can reach at least one person and help them pull their heads out of their ass. And that’s better than nothing.

#thanks for letting me ramble #also I counted #and 23/35 of my followers (yes I'm a tiny ass blog) have shown up since the beginning of October #and I assume it's because of the stuff I've been posting about the conflict #I don't know why y'all are listening to me - I'm an idiot #but I'll keep posting and you guys can keep reading #also like 6 of you have shown up in the last 24 hours and I have no idea what I posted to bring you all in #I logged in this morning and tumblr was like '5 new people are following you' #and I was like 'oh shit the pornbots are back' #but you all look like real blogs

[charmedreincarnation]

Hey, guys! I've been receiving a ton of messages in response to my last post. It's reminding me of how I first discovered shifting. I feel like doing a little story time since Ive just passed the three-year mark of my discovery, and I've been reminiscing with friends about it.

I remember being in a very dark place when I stumbled upon shifting. I was depressed, and very suicidal. Yet, there was this unshakeable optimism inside me that I was meant for an extraordinary life. Despite my mental state, I had a lot of knowledge of subliminals and the law of attraction (-_-). These gave me hope, but they weren't enough tbh. I didn't want to attract my dream life through practicing gratitude or becoming a magnet for my desires or whatever. Nor did I want to have to listen to subliminals for years on end to achieve my goals. My list of desires was so long, and I needed everything to change that going step by step and waiting years for each one to manifest just wasn't feasible.

But I refused to give up. One day, after a particularly hard day of being sad per usual, I searched on Quora for something like "fastest most powerful subliminals on YouTube ever" (Y’all 😭😭). Among the recommended sub creators, I found a video called "Desired Life: Reality Shifting". The description promised everything I had ever wanted: waking up with all your desires fulfilled permanently in short. It piqued my curiosity so much. Could I really just wake up with my dream life, family, house, wealth, all based on my scripts and imagination?

Growing up, I was a heavy maladaptive daydreamer. From ages 10-17, I created alternate lives in my head, telling myself I would go there someday. I was always doing SATs (State Akin to Sleep), and I think that's what kept me from ending it all. I was constantly in the wish fulfilled state, even though I didn't know what that was at the time.

Back to my story, I went into the comments of that video and came across a guy who claimed that after a week of using this subliminal, he woke up with a new life as a multi-millionaire living in his dream penthouse. I messaged him, and he gave me his Instagram which showcased his luxurious life. He had what seemed like a perfect relationship, he was very attractive, had so many cars, and travelled 24/7 while having a six figures amount of followers. He was living proof that this wasn't just scripting. Also the law of attraction community is known for their mad expensive coaching.. like hundreds of dollars per hour for questions and he was answering it all for free something I didn’t see the law of attraction community. And I talked to him for hours! He never got mad, he had proof, and he was kind, proof and the behavior of someone who really had mastered the art of life.

After our conversation, I spent the next couple of months doing research. I found numerous stories about glitches in the matrix, accidental shifting, people entering parallel realities, and eventually, shifting communities on platforms like Amino and Reddit. It was stuff I already believed in and did in my imagination; I just didn’t know there was a term for it.

Then I got reminded of a memory that I had seriously repressed bc it was so fucking weird. When I was 6 and my brother was 3, we were absolutely obsessed with dodo birds. One day, we were outside playing, and on god time seemed to stop. Out of nowhere, a dodo bird appeared. I know you’re probably like “maya be so fr rn you were a kid” but no, This wasn't just our young imaginations running wild - there was a bird that was huge, dinosaur-like, exactly how dodos are described in books and pictures we had.

Then things got weirder. Suddenly it started raining eggs. Big, large eggs everywhere it was so gross and my brother and I were a mess. We were young, sure, but not stupid. We knew this wasn't normal. My brother and I rushed inside to tell our dad. When I managed to drag him outside, he was furious, accusing me of throwing eggs everywhere. To this day, he tells the story of the time I "trashed the backyard with eggs." And every time, I'm like, "Dad, where would I get that many eggs?" We didn’t have eggs but so he assumed I stole them and we went inside for hours and it was magically cleaned. So he also tells the story of how responsible I am and how I took accountability for my actions even as a child. I didn’t clean that shit bro and I tell him that too and he just laughs it makes me so mad.

My brother, who knows I'm into reality shifting (though he doesn’t really believe in it), can't explain that day either. He often shrugs it off as a "glitch in the matrix," which honestly, well no duh it is a shift dummie. He does believe in manifesting but only bc he has seen me use it and he experiences the good things I manifest as well. They’re the same thing anyways but that isn’t the point

The reason I'm bringing up this bizarre childhood memory is because during my months of research into shifting, I found countless stories of accidental shifts, people entering the void, entering parallel universes, time glitches, examples of the Mandela effect first hand, glitches in the matrix and etc. It was like uncovering a myriad of experiences that confirmed what I already believed: we can change and choose our reality. I just didn’t know the phenomena had a name. Obviously in the future I came across other things like the law of assumption, the void state, etc etc but this was where it started.

I wish I had saved all those fascinating stories, posts, and blogs. I might go back and compile everything I found because they were so real and enlightening. It will probably take forever tho if I do choose to do that, but I think it's worth sharing.

In the meantime, check out this accounts of accidental shifts that my friend shared with me this account https://instagram.com/tessicavision?igshid=OGQ5ZDc2ODk2ZA== based off the Glitch in the Matrix subreddit which is also a goldmine of people experiencing similar phenomena. It helped me make sense of my own experiences and might do the same for you.

I don’t want this to be too long and I already got to the point I think! but regardless stay curious and realize you’re really not that special. I mean ofc you are, i mean this is not some tumblr thing teens girls discovered or created and isn’t even limited to “spiritually/manifesting inclined people” I think at the beginning of my journey people talking about accidental shifts and such, inspired me more than purposeful success stories because they really have no reason to lie and they were looking for answers just like I was.

#law of assumption #manifesation #manifesting #reality shifting #shiftblr

[breelandwalker]

How can you motivate yourself to practice? I'm so busy with work and other daily life things that I often don't have time, energy or motivation to practice, or I just forget. Time goes so fast these days and suddenly I've missed the last two sabbaths and full moon, then I get bad conscience and feel like I'm a "bad" or "failed" witch. (I struggle a lot with self deprecation in general with my mental health) Do you have any tips on how I can motivate myself to practice more?

Oof, I hear you. We all have the best of intentions when it comes to keeping up with our practice and making progress on our goals and projects, but damnit, Real Life just keeps on getting in the way.

Ideally, we'd all be able to keep perfect track of the occasions we wish to celebrate and the cycles of the moon AND have time and energy to devote to our practices on top of taking care of silly things like jobs and families and social lives and household management. Ideally, we'd be well-read, well-rested, well-organized, and perfectly in command of our faculties.

It's nice to dream, isn't it?

In reality, we're all doing the best we can and despite our best efforts, we miss holidays and moon dates and gatherings and go weeks or months without having time to sit down and actively work on our craft. And that is OKAY. None of it means we're bad people or failed witches. It just means we're human beings with human lives and human limitations. We can only do so much with 24 hours in a day.

The nice thing is that the craft meets us where we are, and if that means waiting a while, it's got a loooong shelf life. Besides that, practicing witchcraft isn't JUST performing rituals and casting spells and lighting up the altar. It's research and rest and reflection too.

In my practice, I've found that doing small things as part of my daily routine and larger things when I have time really helps. For instance, stirring a blessing into my morning drink, or setting my wards when I lock the front door, or wearing a charmed piece of jewelry. I do my best to keep track of the moons using reminders and a planner so I can put my jars out, but I forget sometimes. It's annoying, but there's always another one coming. And I find ways to make things I'm already doing magical as well, like cleansing my home when I clean or take out the garbage or reconnecting with the land I live on while doing yard work.

And when all else fails, I take a break and go back to the things that inspire me. I work on crafts. I journal. I try something new. I listen to music and watch movies and maybe re-read some things, and I give myself a little grace. (I've run myself into a full burnout before by ignoring my limits before. I don't recommend it.) Then when I have the time and energy, I get back to work.

Here are some posts that might help:

My Intuitive Spark Feels Low - How Do I Get It Back?

I’m In A Slump - How Do I Get Out Of It?

I’ve Reached A Stopping Point - What Do I Do Next?

How Do I Know When I’m Ready For The Next Step In My Practice?

Witchcraft Exercise - Quantifying Your Craft

Witchcraft Exercise - The Book of Lessons

Witchcraft Exercise - Witchy Inspo Journal

Witchcraft Exercise - Music To Witch By

I also discussed the topic on two episodes of my podcast:

Hex Positive, Ep. 027 - When Inspo Takes A Holiday (March 2022)

Hex Positive, Ep. 033 - Touch Grass (April 2023)

Hope this helps! 😊

#theswahn #witch community #witchblr #witches of tumblr #witchcraft #battling the slump #Bree answers your inquiries

[deans-baby-momma]

Anonymously Yours

Will a wrong number lead to love? 

BOLD = wrong number's messages

Italics= Y/N's messages

A/N: Thanks to @kazsrm67 for being my beta for this story and also @chriszgirl92 who bullied me into letting her read it before it was posted, who actually found mistakes that had been overlooked. LOL

‘Hey girl! I had fun last night with you. Maybe we can do it again sometime.’

‘Wrong number.’

‘Girl, quit playing! It's me. Did you get so drunk you developed amnesia?’

‘DUDE! It's 6 am. I've been asleep all night. As I said before, wrong number!’

‘Oh come on darlin’. I know you didn't give me a fake number.’

Y/N's phone lights up her face as she reads the last message. This guy just wasn't giving up. 

‘Listen Romeo. Whoever you met last night either gave you a random number or you put it in your phone wrong. Sorry but I'm not her.”

‘I can't believe this. This never happens to me. Well, I'm sorry for waking you up. Have a good day.’

Y/N slams her phone down on the mattress and closes her eyes, willing for sleep to overtake her. But it never comes. She can't stop thinking about the poor schmuck at the other end of the conversation. 

She sighs as she re-opens her eyes and grabs her phone

‘I'm sorry for being such a bitch. It's early. I didn't sleep well and shouldn't have taken it out on you. I hope you find the girl who fooled you…..but seriously if she just gave you a random number, she probably wasn't all that into you.’

‘Yea. That's pretty obvious. But thanks for laying it out like that. And sorry for waking you up. Again.’

Y/N read the message and then threw the comforter off her body, sitting up and placing her feet on the cold concrete floor of her room. 

That's the thing about living in an underground monster-proof shelter….it's always cold! Especially in the deeper quarters, like the bedrooms and restrooms. 

But being in the business of keeping the world safe from what goes bump in the night, Y/N and the Winchester Brothers must adapt and overcome the inconvenience of living off the grid.

So, an old defunct Men of Letters safe house is Home Sweet Home for the martyrs.

After using the facilities and brushing her teeth, Y/N heads toward the kitchen area, her stomach growling for sustenance.

She and Sam had spent days researching and analyzing tomes, trying to gather lore on how to kill a Khiksaz, the newest threat to the population. So much so, that it has been close to 24 hours since she had eaten anything. 

She was starving!

The delightful aroma of coffee engaged  her senses as she neared the kitchen. Inhaling the caffeinated fragrance, she entered the room to get her fill. 

Dean, the oldest brother, stood at the stove flipping bacon. The sizzle of the meat met her ears and she hummed in bliss. 

Y/N loved Dean's cooking skills. He could turn the most mundane ingredients into a delectable, magnificent meal.

“Good morning sweetheart,” he says as turns to look at her. “Sleep well?”

Y/N sips the hot beverage, letting the liquid brew wake her more and warm her from the inside.

“I guess,” she answers as she takes a seat at the table. “No nightmares, so that's a plus I guess.”

Dean approaches the table with a plate of bacon and pancakes that were warming in the oven and sets it in front of her.

“Progress though, right?” 

That's the thing about Dean and Y/N; they share a connection of both suffering from nightmares. Dean’s of Hell and Y/N’s of witnessing her family get murdered by a rugaru while on the annual family camping trip.

The only thing that saved Y/N from the monster who stole her family was the fact that she had stepped out of the tent and wandered into the woods to find a spot to relieve her full bladder. She had watched from her hiding place behind a big oak as the giant beast tore her mother, her father and little brother to shreds. The guttural screams still haunted her all these years later!

“Yea, I guess so,” she admitted. “But I also feel like if I don’t dream about them, it means I’m forgetting them.”

“I know sweetheart,” Dean says from his side of the table as he pours a generous amount of molasses on his hotcakes. “But I’ve told you before. Just because you don’t dream about them doesn’t mean they’re not still in your thoughts; doesn’t mean you don’t love them or miss them anymore.”

“Yeah,” Y/N answers forlornly. “I know you’re right.”

She takes a bite of her own breakfast and moans obscenely at the burst of flavor. 

“So how was your night?” she asks, knowing Dean had left to search for a hook-up to take his mind off the monotony of research. “Did you find some willing girl to get your rocks off?”

That’s another thing about Dean and Y/N’s relationship-friendship; they were crass and blunt with one another. They were like two peas in a pod. And it all started when Dean came to Y/N for advice on what exactly women want in a hook-up.

FLASHBACK

“Y/N,” Dean says as he sits at the table where she had been scouring an old journal she’d found in the library. “You’re a female, right?”

The question catches Y/N off guard and she laughs. “Yes, Dean. Unless I’ve been cursed in the last 5 minutes, I am a female. I have a vagina and boobs.”

“Smart ass,” Dean says with a smile. “Can I ask you something though? Something that only another female might understand.”

“Sure, Dean. What is it?”

“What do women look for in a hook-up?” 

“I’m going to be blatantly honest with you here,” she says and continues once Dean nods. “Plain and simple. To get off. Someone who knows what to do with what the good lord gave him.  We don’t really care about size but if you don’t know how to use what you got, we have to do It ourselves. And while that gets the job done, it's not as fun. As the saying goes, ‘It's not topside of the boat; it's the motion of the ocean’.

“So, Mr. Winchester,” Y/N smirks as she places her elbows on the table and rests her chin on her palms. “Do you know how to use what you got?”

She smiles as she notices the blush creeping up his neck. Who knew Dean Winchester could get flustered so easily? 

Y/N would be lying if she said she'd never noticed how handsome Dean Winchester is. She has eyes with perfect vision, she can see the sex appeal. But she swore to herself that she would never be the fly caught in his web. 

Dean Winchester was a player and a philanderer. He didn't do romantic relationships. Something else they had in common.

Y/N found out very early in her adult life that her choice of profession didn't lead to having a partner who understood the need, the commitment to keeping others safe from attacks of the paranormal.

So, much like the oldest Winchester, she sought out one-night stands, a love-em-and-leave-em situation was what worked best. 

“Awww is Dean-o embarrassed? Well, tell me this then.  Canoe, yacht or cruise ship?”

Dean flips her off and pushes up out of his chair and rushes off down the hallway, Y/N's laughter following him.

END FLASHBACK

After breakfast was finished, with Sam popping in after his early morning run to mix up a smoothie Y/N and the Winchesters gathered in the library to research more about the Khiksaz.

About an hour and one less brother later, Y/N's phone vibrated in her pocket. She pulls it out and notices it's the same number from earlier with another text.

‘You single? There's not some big burly man out for my head for waking you up this morning is there?

‘No worries Romeo. Single as a Pringle over here.’

‘That's good. You seem nice.’

Y/N couldn't help but laugh at that. This morning she had been bitchy and quite frankly rude to this stranger and he just called her nice.

Sam looked up from the book he was reading, an eyebrow raised in question.

“Sorry. Just read something funny on my phone.”

As soon as Sam was once again studying what he was reading, Y/N began texting her new friend.

‘Is that your way of asking to be friends?’

‘What if it is? What would your answer be?’

Y/N left him on Read as she contemplated his question.  Would it be so horrible to befriend this guy? She knows nothing about him and he knows nothing about her. It could remain anonymous and be something to get her through the boring task of research. 

‘It stays anonymous. You don't ask my name and I don't ask yours. We'll keep it casual unless one of us has a bad day. Then we'll help the other out. No pictures, no voice messages, no videos. Capichè?’

‘You sure do drive a hard bargain RG. But okay.’

‘RG?’

‘Yea. Regina George….you know the bitchy bitch from Mean Girls.’

‘Are you seriously calling me a bitch this early in the friendship?!’

‘NO!!! God no! You said it yourself this morning. You apologized for being a bitch. Sorry. I'll come up with another name for you.’ 

‘Oh. Haha. You got me. Okay, Regina or RG is fine.’

‘Good because I already gave you that moniker in my phone.’

The rest of the afternoon consisted of researching this new species of monster and texting Romeo, as he was now labeled in her phone.

Dean was once again absent from the library after he had brought in some sandwiches he had whipped up. 

As evening approaches, Sam and Y/N were still poring over the lore and taking notes. Dean walks Into the library with a whistle on his lips and his keys twirling around his finger.

“See ya later nerd,” he calls out as he heads up the stairs.

“Wrap it before you tap it,” Y/N yells.

“Fuck you!”

“No thanks.”

And then he was gone.  Off to find some floozy in a bar to make him forget the awful world they live in.

Y/N retired to her room around midnight, her eyes tired and her back aching from leaning over all day.

As she changes into her pajamas She hears her phone ding with a message.

‘You awake?’

‘No. I'm sleeping peacefully.  Ha! I just climbed into bed. What's going on?’

‘Eh. Nothing much. Just lonely.’

‘Lonely? You mean Romeo didn't go out and try to find another conquest?’

‘Not really in the mood. Just wanted to have a conversation that didn't lead to anything.’

‘Okay. So tell me about your day.’

Y/N laid in bed, reading texts about Romeo's job in pest control and how he hated that customers would call him in about their problems but when he eradicated the vermin there was no appreciation, no gratitude.

She tells him about her work as customer service and how she suffers the same fate. 

‘The adage “The Customer is Always right” is bullshit. Complete and utter bullshit!’

‘I feel you there sister.’

The two of them keep texting back and forth throughout the night until Y/N hears Dean’s early morning return from wherever he’d been. She made a note to sanitize Baby’s backseat before their next trip.

She listens to his footfalls approaching and then continues past her room to reach his,  further down the hallway.

‘God this night sucks! I just want to fall into bed and sleep. Text tomorrow, bestie?’

‘Tomorrow Romeo.’

That night, Y/N’s sleep is plagued with nightmares. They consist of the anonymous person on the other side of the phone. As the night continues the images behind her eyelids morph into more pleasant ones. Her dream guy is tall, muscular with beautiful features and a complete sweetheart; a complete and adorable heartthrob.

She wakes the next morning with a smile on her lips and an urgent need to masterbate. She sends out a silent  thank you  to the girl who gave out the wrong number; before making her way to the bathroom.

A week later, Sam and Y/N finally had enough knowledge and data on the Khiksaz for the three of them to venture out to the small community of Sikeston, MO and take this monster on. 

With help from the immense amount of lorebooks and tomes in the library of the Bunker, they figured out that a Khiksaz was a phantasm from a tribes of Arabian descent that had been captured and stored for millennia in a handspun clay jar after the spirit ripped through the older members of the tribe and began to beseech the still infantile and juvenile members to allow it to lead them.

One of the oldest chiefs, a religious man, conjured up a binding spell that captured and trapped the Khiksaz creature into the urn for all eternity. Unfortunately, someone in Missouri had come across the container and, not knowing what it contained, unleashed the beast which   was causing chaos and devastation in the small town. 

Sam and Y/N had worked mercifully at creating a copy of the enchantment and found a similar vessel to once again apprehend the offending spirit.

It was a 9 hour drive that took Dean only 7 to accomplish. Once they were checked in and unpacked, the three of them set out to make sure they had what they needed to accomplish the job.

Well, Sam and Y/N did. Dean sulked and flipped through the television channels until he found an old John Wayne western to watch.

Y/N felt her phone buzz in her pocket, but she was too busy perusing the spell once again to check. 

After a few minutes, Dean huffed and turned the tv off and announced he was going out to find some fun in this one-horse town.

Y/N had had enough of his attitude for the last few days. He had been agitated and snippy at them both. 

“God damn Dean! We are here to get this Khiksaz not for you to get your dick wet in some strange pussy!”

“Don’t you fucking worry about where my dick is going!” Dean yells back. “I don’t need a cunt to get off. My hand works just fine. I just need a drink or twelve.”

“Asshole!” Y/N says, stepping up to the older Winchester and getting in his face.

“You’re insufferable! I’ll see you two when I see you.”

He steps toward the door, throws a middle finger sign over his shoulder and sings, “Don’t wait up.”

Y/N growls. She literally and audibly growls.

“What the hell is his problem?!” she asks, rhetorically.

“He’s Dean,” Sam tries to reason. “You know how he is.”

“Yea, he’s a giant asshole.”

Once the two of them get the spell and weapons, along with the container to hold the Khiksaz in, they decide to go find something to eat. 

While waiting on Sam to use the restroom, Y/N pulls her phone from her pocket to see a text from Romeo.

‘How you doin’?”

‘Friends fan huh? So maybe I should call you Joey. By the way, that is the lamest pickup line ever.’

‘I thought it was pretty good. In the 90s. It worked a few times.’

‘Yes I tried it.’

‘An no, I’m not hitting on you’ 

‘I don't know whether to be pleased or offended.’

‘Why?’

‘Why what?’

‘Never mind. So what are you doing?’

‘Getting ready to head out and get a bite to eat.’

‘Alone?’

‘Nope.  My brother is coming with.’

‘Oh. You have a brother? So do I.’

‘Cool. What are you doing? I thought we were keeping this anonymous?’

‘You're right. No deep seated questions about one another. Sorry.’

‘Feeling like a jerk. A co-worker of mine and I got into it and I said some things I didn’t mean and now I regret it.’

‘So go apologize.’

‘Yea. I probably need to. ‘

‘Go apologize Romeo. Or I’ll send my brother to kick your ass.’

‘You make your brother do all your dirty work?’

‘I don’t make him do anything. But anyway, he’s out of the bathroom now so I’ll catch you on the flip side.’

‘And go apologize.’

As they walked across the highway to the diner, Sam brought up the texting.

“You have a boyfriend or something?”

“No,” Y/N answers sheepishly. “Just a friend….who might be a guy.”

She waits until after the waitress takes their order before delving into the whole story of how some random guy began texting her because he was given the wrong number by a girl.

“Ouch! That’s harsh.,” Sam says. “But what do you know about this guy? Is there a reason the girl gave him a fake number?”

Y/N shrugs as she takes a sip of water. “I dunno. Like, he seems nice. And we get along. But just through text. I don’t even know his real name. I called him Romeo in jest and it kind of just stuck.”

“You don’t even know his name?! Does he know yours?”

“No,” Y/N laughs at the ridiculousness of it. “He refers to me as Regina or RG.”

Sam looks at her confused so she explains. 

“Regina George from Mean Girls. I was kind of a bitch to him, like Regina is to everyone in the movie. I didn’t take offense to it. I thought it was quite hilarious.”

“Let me see your phone,” Sam says, holding his hand out for it.

Y/N watches Sam scroll through her contacts until he gets to ‘Romeo”. He opens the information tab and studies it. His lips pull into a quarter smile as he closes the phone and hands it back.

“What?”

“What, nothing? What was the smile for?”

“What smile? I’m just happy you made a friend outside Dean and I. I mean, you gotta be careful because of our line of work. But I like that you have someone else to talk to.”

“Oh.”

The waitress brings their food and the subject is dropped. Their attention and concentration goes back to the job at hand and they discuss how to lure the Khiksaz out and distract it while the incantation is said.

In the early morning hours, Y/N is awakened by Dean stumbling into the room, blitzed out of his mind. He staggers to the mini-fridge and pulls out a bottle of water, opening it and downing it. 

Between the smell of booze and the aroma of some of the most fragrant perfume, Y/N can’t help but gag. Dean notices the involuntary movement and shakes his head.

He cautiously walks to the bed and sits down beside Y/N. 

“Are you here to gloat?” she whispers. “I really don’t want to hear about your sexcapades with some poor hometown girl.”

“Y/N, we’re friends right?” Dean says instead and it shocks her.

“Yes, Dean. We’re friends.”

“I’m sorry about earlier. I didn’t mean to call you an uptight cunt.”

“Um, Dean? You didn’t.”

“Yes, I did. On the drive over to the bar. I called you an uptight cunt and a self-righteous prude and I’m sorry.”

“All is forgiven,” Y/N says, burrowing her nose into the pillow. “But please go shower and wash that stink off you before I puke!”

Dean chuckles. “Yes ma’am.”

Unfortunately the next day does not go to plan at all. Both Winchesters and Y/N are thrown around while fighting and trying to capture the Khiksaz. Sam ends up with a concussion but Y/N breaks a couple of ribs. 

With horrible dictation, Dean gets the spell read and the monster is once again bottled up and will make the trek back to Kansas to be stored away in the dungeon of the Bunker.

Y/N feels every curve and bump in the road of the 647 mile trip. Broken ribs are uncomfortable and painful when you're lying still but Dean insists on driving like a bat out of Hell. 

He is on a tangent about how the information they had to the Khiksaz wasn’t complete and they didn’t know it had powers and how it’s his fault for leaving the research up to the two of them.

Sam tries in vain to reason with his hard-headed brother. 

“We don’t always know everything about the monsters we go up against. This is just another instance!”

“Yea. Well-”

“Well, nothing! This hunt was no different than when we went up against that Wendigo or the rugaru that killed Travis! What?! Is it because Y/N got hurt? Is that why you're so pissed off?”

“We all got banged up; it's not just her,” Dean defended. “You have a concussion for Christ's sake!”

“And your brooding and griping isn't helping.  Let's just call it a win and move on. Please!” Y/N pleaded from the backseat. “And Dean? Slow the fuck down! You're killing me back here.”

Knowing that his erratic speeding and Baby's lack of sufficient suspension is probably agonizing with busted ribs, he took his foot off the gas.

“Sorry sweetheart,” he apologizes.  “I just want to get back to Bunker to rest and recuperate. I'll go slower.”

The rest of the ride was quiet and uneventful, other than when Sam tried to fall asleep and Dean blasted Metallica to keep his brother awake.

Once parked in the garage, Dean hurried to help Y/N sit up and get out of the car and hovered around her as she made her way to her room.

“You need anything, just holler okay?”

“Thanks Dean.”

As soon as he was out of the room and the door was closed, Y/N pulled her phone out.

‘I've had a shitty day at work. Tell me a joke.

There was no response for the longest time; so long Y/N began wondering if Romeo had actually blocked her.

‘Did you hear about the Italian chef that died?’

‘No. What happened?’

‘He pasta-way!’

‘OMG! They was corny as fuck!’

‘Forrest Gump’s email is 1forrest1.’

‘That one is no better. Lol. But they made me smile.  Thank you Romeo.’

‘You're welcome Regina. Wanna tell me about your day?’

‘Nah, that's okay. It was just another one dealing with ungrateful, unappreciative customers.’

‘How was yours?’

‘Honestly, about like yours. Customer called with a rodent nuisance and I took care of it. Customer never acknowledged it.’

‘People suck!’

‘Yes, they do.’

The phone was silent for a few minutes before it buzzed again with an incoming text.

‘I ordered a chicken  and an egg online. I'll let you know which comes first.’

‘Ya know, I'm starting to understand why that girl gave you the wrong number. You. Are. A. Dork!’

‘You asked for it missy! I am quite offended. I'm the farthest thing from a dork. I'm suave and charming for your information!’

‘And a dork. But you made me smile with your silly dad jokes. So thank you.’

‘Glad I could make you feel better. Our conversations make me happy.’

‘Same goes for me. But I'm getting pretty tired so I'm gonna try to get some shut eye. Good night Romeo. :*’

Y/N's eyes widened as she realized what she had done. She'd sent him a kiss face! A stranger! Someone she didn't really know. 

What if he took that the wrong way? They had agreed to be anonymous friends. FRIENDS, nothing more. So why did she send him that?

What did it mean?! Was she developing feelings for this mysterious man? 

She thought back to just a few nights ago, the erotically passionate dream she'd had with what she imagined this stranger to look like.

She reminisced of her dream Romeo kissing her breathless, worshiping her body as if it were a temple; of how they had fervidly made love into the early morning hours. He had brought her pleasure numerous times!

Oh fuck! She was falling for him.

‘Sweet dreams darlin’ :*’

Y/N laid awake for hours, contemplating on how to handle the knowledge that she was falling for the stranger. 

How was it possible to develop feelings for someone you've never met, someone you'd never laid eyes on. Hell, she didn't even know the sound of his voice.

Around dawn, she decided she would no longer exchange messages with him and as soon as her body was healed, she was going to go find some willing guy to fuck Romeo's memory away.

Of course, she was awakened by her phone alerting her that a text was waiting.

‘Good morning beautiful’

‘You're probably still asleep’

‘I just can't get you out of my head’

‘Maybe we should break the anonymous rule and meet?’

Y/N read each of the lines over and over, each time making her heart drop. She didn’t know what to do.

She began to think that maybe she should’ve just ignored and erased his first message; when she realized it was a complete stranger who had accidentally texted the wrong number. She shouldn't have engaged with him. Now she was in this predicament. Of course, this is how her life is, fucked up and confusing as hell!

Y/N silences her phone and rolls out of bed carefully. The motion takes her breath away as her broken ribs shift with the motion. She makes her way to the door and down the hallway toward the bathroom, only to be almost bowled over when Sam, dripping wet and shirtless, comes barreling out of the bathroom.

“Oof.”

“Oh god Y/N. I’m so sorry,” he apologizes, profusely. “I didn’t expect you to be out of bed. Dean said he was going to bring you breakfast.”

“That’s sweet of him,” Y/N responded with a smile. “But that doesn’t negate my bladder issues.”

Sam laughed and stepped to the side. “Yea, I guess not. So, ummm…I guess I’ll come check on you later?”

“Okay,” she says as she closes the door to the communal bathroom and shuffles to the row of toilets. As she went to sit, she realized that the mundane task was hindered; she couldn’t bend without excruciating pain radiating from her thorax. 

Even though her bladder was yelling at her to be emptied, Y/N stood and studied the ancient throne. With a small shrug, she grabbed the roll of tissue and tore off a few squares of paper before pulling her leg out of one side of her sleep pants and straddling the seat.

After cleaning up-because peeing like a man isn’t as easy for a woman as you’d think- Y/N heads back to her room, where as Sam said, Dean was waiting with a tray of eggs, bacon and coffee.

“Oooh, nectar of the Gods,” Y/N says as she reaches for the hot beverage. “Thanks Dean!”

“You’re welcome. How’re you feeling?”

“I’ve been better. I can tell you that,” she answers. “I’m going to try to wrap them later.”

“I can help you do that,” Dean says as he watches her sit on the bed before sitting the tray of food on the table. “You probably can’t get it tight enough.”

“M'kay.”

A few hours later

“Dean, I swear to Chuck if you try to cop a feel, I’ll kick your ass!”

“Oh be quiet, Y/N/N. It’s not like I haven’t seen them before,” Dean teases. 

And he was right. On a couple occasions the eldest Winchester had been witness to Y/N’s top half of her body exposed; whether it’d be walking into the bathroom as she was exiting the shower or when she got wasted at that bar the three hunters visited and she flashed the whole crowd as she finished singing “Natural Woman” by Aretha Franklin; well butchered it would be a better word as she couldn’t hit a single good note in her inebriated state. 

But she was being ogled by a fellow patron and was feeling frisky so after placing the mic back on the stand, she flipped her shirt up and flashed the whole bar. Her bra covered the main parts but it had been a ragged one and didn’t hide much. 

So, yea Dean and Sam and half the community of Bumfuck, NM had seen her tits.

“I know,” she giggles and then groans as he wraps the gauze around her torso tightly. “Motherfuck! That hurts.”

“Cry baby,” Dean jokes. 

“Let me kick you in your balls and see how you feel,” Y/N threatens. 

“Hey now. If I can’t grope you, you aint groping me!” 

“You’re such a dork!” Y/N says and they both laugh.

“Okay, you’re all bandaged up now,” Dean says as he hands her her shirt. “Go on and get redressed.”

As soon as Dean leaves, Y/N feels her phone buzzing in her pocket.

‘Regina? Are you there?’

‘Did I scare you off?’

‘Could you please answer me?’

‘Please?’

Y/N pockets the device and heads back to her room. How is she going to answer him? Is she? 

She sits on her bed and stares at the phone as it begins vibrating again.

‘I’m sorry. Whatever I’ve done, I’m sorry.’

Deciding to throw caution to the wind, she answers.

‘I’m here. I’m fine. No you didn’t scare me off. You actually didn’t do anything. I did. We agreed to be friends and I went and let my feelings take control and didn’t even realize it until I sent you the emoji after my message.’

‘I know you aren’t interested in me. I know I’m just the consolation prize for the busty brunette or blonde, maybe even a redhead, that you were really hoping to talk to and text. I won’t hold it against you if you want to stop texting. No need to meet in person to tell me.’

Y/N reads over her message a couple times before hitting send and laying her phone down. It immediately starts ringing.

Romeo calling…..

Fuck!

‘I’m not answering you.’

The phone stops ringing and then a message comes through.

‘You have it all wrong, darlin’. You are not a consolation prize…not even close! I wanted to tell you, to say the words to you. But you won’t answer so I’ll just type them. I’ve fallen for you too.’

‘Don’t just say that to appease me. I’m a big girl. I can take rejection’

‘Baby, rejection is the last thing on my mind. Will you please answer the phone?’

Y/N reads Romeo’s last message a few times before she opens the chat box and responds.

‘No. But I will agree to meet you. Work is going to be pretty busy for the next few weeks and I won’t have much free time. So, how about two months from now we meet at a mutually agreed upon place and see where this goes?’

‘Deal.’

Y/N knew that in a couple months her ribs would be healed enough to not raise any questions or alert Romeo to the fact that she fights monsters for a living and not existing in a dead-end customer service job as she had alleged to.

The next few days, Sam and Dean went on a couple little salt-and-burns, leaving Y/N at the Bunker to continue healing.

Y/N and her mysterious Casanova texted continuously, getting to know one another better and just regaling one another with childhood memories and stories. 

It was nice; it was befitting for two strangers to become acquainted. Y/N still refused to actually speak to the man she had feelings for. The secrecy was thrilling to her and she preferred the voice he had in her now-nightly dreams.

To pop that bubble by finding out he had a high pitched, nasally voice would be most crushing.

Of course, she hadn't told Romeo her real past. He knew her parents had passed, but she claimed a car accident took them from her.

She felt terrible for lying to him but how do you tell someone that your parents were killed by a beast that isn't supposed to exist?

What Y/N doesn't know though is Romeo had lied to her about his past also.

When Sam and Dean returned from their latest hunt, neither one of them acknowledged Y/N or said a word.

Both Winchester stomped to their respective rooms and she heard one door slam right after the other did.

“What's gotten into them?” she wondered aloud before going back to reading the book she had found. It was an erotic novel.

Greg  cups her cheeks in his hands and he leans into her, closing the distance until their lips meet. His were soft and plump against her thin, chapped ones, but the lack of moisture on her lips was the last thing on her mind. He licked the dry vessels until she obliged opening them, inviting him in to taste her.

Greg’s, Romeo’s  moans filled her ears as he explored her mouth, his tongue wrestling with hers.

Layla Regina threw her arms over his shoulder and planted her hands against the back of his head, pulling her lover closer and deeper into herself. 

They stumble and almost fall but right themselves before hitting the bed, her on her back and his weight pushing her into the mattress. As his hands begin wandering her body, Regina silently begs for his hand on her most intimate area. As his palm slides down the skin of her abdomen, she wonders if her prayers were heard.

After becoming so enthralled with the book that she was even substituting her and Romeo’s nicknames into the plotline she missed the sound of Dean’s boots thudding down the corridor.

“What has you all dreamy-eyed and drooling?”

Y/N jumps in her seat and slams the novel shut, internally lamenting the fact that she didn't mark her place for later indulgence. 

She looks up to see Dean standing at the mouth of the hallway, a couple of beer bottles in his hand.

“Are you reading porn?” he asks with a laugh and a smirk.

“It's a romance novel, dumbass!”

“Eh, same thing,” Dean shrugs as he steps toward her and offers her one of the beers. “Romance guy woos the damsel right into his bed.”

“So, you know oh so much about this subject, I take it you've read a lot of romance novels?” Y/N snarks.

“You know as well as I do, life doesn't happen that way,” Dean says instead of answering her. “It's a lot more messier and a lot less loving.”

“Are you telling me you don't woo all those unwitting hookups you have? Not even just a little bit?”

“Oh no. I woo the hell out of them. Tell them exactly what they want to hear-” he takes a drink then continues. “Then I get what I'm after and leave before daylight. Easy in, easy out.”

“You are a real piece of work Dean,” Y/N says with a laugh. “Those poor women probably think they've finally found the man of their dreams and the poof! you're gone.”

“Oh like the schmucks you hook don't know you're a one and done?” Dean says, rolling his eyes. “I've heard them before, telling you all their hopes and dreams. I've heard them during, thinking you are ‘the best they ever had’- their words, by the way- and then you're usually in the back of Baby before Sam's even gone for his run.”

“Oh my god,” Y/N laughs, trying to hide the embarrassment of the fact Dean has heard some of her excursions. But that's what you get when you stay in cheap motel rooms with thin walls. “That was one time! And he was a clingy fucker. Always had to be touching me; my face, my hands, my hips. Hell he even tried to suck my toes. Eww!” she shivers at the memory. “I couldn’t get away fast enough.”

They both laugh and then it goes quiet as they drink. 

“So, um…” Dean begins. “Girls, ahem women, don't like that? The touching?”

“No. I mean yea we love an attentive man but sometimes it just takes away from the whole experience. Touch me all you want, run your hands all over me. Play with my tits, my clit…hell a little ass play ain't out of the cards but once he's inside me, I expect to get fucked! Not just filled and rubbed. Use that dick and make me feel it. Ya know? It's inside me for a reason.”

Dean shifts and adjusts his body in his chair and clears his throat. “Okay. Okay. I get that but let's change the subject.”

“Oh is Deanie-poo getting turned on?” Y/N jests. “You got a big ole boner under this table?”

“Shut up Y/N,” Dean mutters before  getting up and bolting back toward his room, his half-empty beer bottle still on the table.

Y/N shakes her head and laughs before opening her book to try to find the place she left off at.

Why is it that time crawls when you are looking forward to something? 

Y/N's ribs are slowly healing, thanks to the Winchesters generous and considerable care. They both made sure she was taking it easy and mending.

Sam always made her stretch and exercise what she could so her muscles wouldn't lock up and get sore while Dean kept her fed and hydrated and in good spirits with his complete goofy foolishness.

Y/N also noticed that as time went on and closer to her “date” with Romeo, Dean began to get happy and cheerful and just completely giddy. 

Not like him at all. She'd also noticed he went out a lot more than usual. Once the day was done, Dean would disappear with only the sounds of his beloved Impala leaving the compound behind.

Does he have a girlfriend? Has he met someone and is unofficially officially dating? Who is she? When will she and Sam get to meet her? Will they?

Y/N didn't put much more thought into Dean's disappearance because truth be told, she had her own secret. She was in deep with Romeo.

They had texted regularly after their proclamation and had even done a little sexting.

Nothing too graphic, just a few descriptive words here and there and talking about using and touching. But it was enough to make Y/N wet and yearn for the day she finally sets eyes on her Romeo.

‘What are you wearing, gorgeous?’

Y/N smiled as she read the words on the screen. 

‘Wouldn't you like to know.’ she teased.

‘I wouldn't have asked if I didn't.’

‘I'm sitting on my bed in a lace bustier with the matching thong. I'm so lonely Romeo.’

‘Is that an invitation? Because I can be there in no time at all.’

‘Haha. I’m only joking with you. I’m sitting here in an old pair of ratty sweats and a tee-shirt that had way too many stains to be presentable. My hair is up in a bun on top of my head but most of it has already fallen out and is just blowing in my face. I do not want you to see me like that at all.’

‘So when we meet in a few days, I still won’t get to see the real you? You’re going to be all dolled up and not the picture of perfection that you just described.’

‘Romeo, believe me….NO ONE wants to see this.’

‘I do. I am going to be honest with you. I am tired of going out and hooking up with people who don’t show their true selves. Who lie about who they are, what they do….give out random wrong numbers. I’m ready to be with a real person.’

‘Wow. That is honest. And truthfully, I feel the same.’

‘Maybe getting the wrong number was an omen. Someone up there believes we are both ready for something substantial. Shit, duty calls. I’ll text you soon :*’

As soon as Y/N read Romeo’s last message, Sam was knocking on her door.

“Come in,” she calls and the tall, long-haired man peeps around the open door.

“Just got off the phone with Jody. She needs help. I called Dean and he’s coming to pick me up and head to Sioux Falls. Wanted to let you know.”

“Okay. What’s Jody got?”

“Sounds like a cursed object wreaking havoc. A couple of bodies have come up….” Sam begins to explain and Y/N pushes herself off the bed and begins throwing items in a bag. “Wait, what’re you doing?”

“I’m coming with, I’m tired of sitting here by myself. Don’t worry,” she says as Sam gives her a pointed look. “I will stay away from the line of fire so to speak. I can hang with Claire and Alex or something.”

“Okay,” Sam answers, skeptically. “I don’t know if the girls are even home. You know, Claire has been hunting and Alex….well, she has her own friends now. You might be stuck at Jody’s by yourself so how’d that be different than staying here?”

“Sammy,” she says, patronizingly. “Jody’s has windows and sunshine and warmth and just please let me go?”

“Yea I guess I can see your point,” Sam answers and Y/N pumps her fist in the air before finishing packing. “By the way, Samuel, were you calling me old? When you said the girls might not even be there? Insinuating that they wouldn’t want to be saddled with the old, hurt woman?”

“Shut up, Y/N” Sam says with a smile. “You know that’s not what I meant!”

Dean didn’t seem surprised at all when Y/N threw her bag into the back seat of the Impala and climbed in. He just nodded and as soon as everyone was loaded, took off toward South Dakota.

“Y/N!” Sheriff Mills exclaims as we all exit Baby. “I didn't expect you to come. But am I glad you did.”

She hugs me and whispers in my ear, “I sure could use another female to talk to.”

“I'm here,” I whisper back and then pull away from her embrace. “I'm gonna crash on your couch while these two help you with your case.”

“Good. Good.” 

She turns to the Winchester and greets them with their own hugs. After the warm welcome, the three of them head toward the station to discuss the case.

Y/N pulls the erotic novel she's reading and heads to the park across the street and sits at a table.

Opening to the page she marked, she immerses herself back into the story. As she continued reading about the marriage of Greg and Layla, the fictional characters in the story, she began fantasizing about another wedding; one that featured herself and Romeo. 

She is brought back to the present when her phone buzzes in her pocket and she pulls it out to see a message from the man she can't seem to quit thinking about. She smiles as she reads the words, remembering how she felt as they vowed their lives to one another.

‘Another day, another rodent to take down.  Please tell me your day is better’

‘Not really. This seminar is taking forever.’

Before Romeo can respond, she hears Dean call her name and she turns to see him slide his phone into the front pocket of his jeans as he heads to the Impala.

“We're heading to Jody's,” he announces. “You coming?”

Y/N hurries to mark the place she thinks she left off at and shuts the book before jogging across the empty road to get to the Impala.

“Did you figure out what’s going on this time?”

“We think it’s Lamia,” Sam answers. “Bobby went up against one, years ago but he put it through a wood chipper so this is not the same one but it’s the same M.O. They look female and seduce men and then choke them and eat their hearts.”

“Ew. Well, where’re we going to find a woodchipper?”

“We’re not,” Dean says. “I’m going to pretend to be the victim and then stab it with a blessed  silver knife and burn it.”

“That’s risky,” Y/N states, worry about her friend filling her with dread.

“Well…” Dean says with a shrug and the conversation ends.

They pull into Jody’s driveway to see the Sheriff having a very animated conversation with her surrogate daughter, Claire.

They watch through the windshield as Jody hugs Claire and then the young blonde heads toward an old jalopy of a car and takes off.

“That girl is going to be the death of me,” Jody exclaims and her three guests join her. “Come on in guys. I’m making lasagna.”

That night, after helping Jody with the dishes, Y/n and the Sheriff join the Winchesters on the back deck of Jody’s modest ranch-style home.

The conversation flows but no one brings up the case at hand. 

Y/N notices Dean is distracted and keeps looking down at his lap and wonders if he is beginning to regret his role as the Lamia’s victim.

‘Just to let you know. Something’s come up and I gotta leave town for a few days so you might not hear from me for a while. Just know I will be back for our date. I’m looking forward to it.’

Y/N reads the message and smiles. She’s been looking forward to it also. 

‘Be safe and I’ll talk to you soon :*’

After the guys go up to bed, Jody and Y/N finish their glass of wine and stargaze.

“So what’s new with you?”

Y/N turns her head, looks at the older woman and smiles.

“I have a date.”

“Oooo, tell me more. Who is he? Does he know about….?” Jody begins badgering her with questions.

“I don’t know his name. I call him Romeo; it’s a joke between us. He, uh…..a few weeks ago, someone apparently gave him a fake number and he texted it but it wasn’t exactly fake. It was mine. We’ve been texting back and forth since and agreed to meet.”

“Oh,” Jody says, looking apprehensive.

“What is it?”

“How do you know this ain’t some demon or monster just trying to get to you and the boys Y/N? 

“I’ve thought about that, Jod. I’m wearing my silver rings and I’ll have a flask of holy water to spike his drink if need be,” Y/N explains. “Don’t worry about it. I’ve got it covered.”

“Sounds like,” Jody chuckles and then lightly punches Y/N in the shoulder. “You gotta tell me all about it, though. Even the juicy parts, especially the juicy parts. Damn, I ain’t got laid in forever. I need to find a man.”

They both laugh and then settle back down and stargaze some more before heading inside and going to bed. 

Dean Winchester almost becomes the Lamia’s fifth victim. If it hadn’t been for his fast thinking brother, Dean would’ve succumbed to the creature’s power and  be dead. 

Although he was alive, it was only barely. The Lamia had sucked so much blood from his body that he was unconscious for days.

Sam and Y/N had maneuvered him into the backseat of the Impala and raced back to the Bunker, hoping to find something to revive the oldest Winchester.

While they waited and researched, Y/N realized that she hadn’t heard from Romeo in almost a week. Their date was coming up and he had gone radio silent.

Sure he had told her that he had to leave town and wouldn’t be able to text her but couldn't he at least take a second to check in?

As soon as she could, Y/N sent him a message.

‘Haven't heard from you in a few days. Are you okay?’

And then, for the rest of the day, she kept an eye on her phone for a response.

The device stayed silent.

When Dean finally came around two days later, it was much to the relief of both Y/N and Sam. 

They sat at his bedside and regaled him with the story of how the Lamia was not who they thought it was but that Sam caught on pretty quickly and used the current from an old stove hookup to burn the creature before she could take Dean’s life.

Dean, as stubborn as he was, refused to stay in bed. He was adamant that he needed to get up and that he wasn’t wasting away in his room while there were other monsters still roaming the world. 

Sam and Y/N eventually gave up and left him to his own devices, going to their respective rooms to rest themselves. It was tiring trying to save a life then having that same someone argue that they hadn’t needed it.

Y/N was awakened by her phone buzzing with an incoming text. She opens the message thread and sees that Romeo has responded.

‘Sorry darlin’. I’ve been extremely busy. But I’m back in town and chomping at the bit for our date. Wanna move it up a few day?’

Y/N felt her face flush. She had been excited and eager and wishing that time would move faster as well.

‘A few days would mean tomorrow. You want to meet tomorrow?’

‘Yes. Tomorrow.’

Y/N woke up the next morning, nervous but excited. She was going to meet the man she had been messaging and getting to know through texts for the last three months. 

She joined the guys in the kitchen for breakfast and then headed back to her room to determine what she was going to wear.

What do you wear when meeting someone new? She knew him, she thought, but she had yet to see him face to face or even hear his voice.

What if he was not at all what she’d been picturing all this time? What if they meet and one (or both) of them weren’t completely different from what the other thought?

She chose her nicest pair of jeans; nicest meaning they weren't covered in monster blood and guts and other bodily fluids of the creatures she has murdered. 

Next, she chose a nice flowy camisole that wasn’t so low cut it showed much cleavage but low enough to show off her chest. Over that she wore a fitted leather jacket with the fancy schmancy silver buttons.

She slid the silver and turquoise necklace on with the matching silver ring, that way if Romeo went in for a hug instead of a handshake, she could still test if he is a werewolf or skinwalker and she had a vial of holy water in her purse to confirm he wasn’t a demon.

As she was finishing her makeup she heard Dean walking past her room, a whistle on his lips.

“Why is he in such a good mood?” she wondered out loud then went to look at her reflection once more.

By the time she got to the garage, the Impala was gone. Y/N was glad because she did not want to explain to Dean why she was borrowing one of the many cars there.

She chose an older model black Ford Mustang because it was one of the few inconspicuous cars they owned.  Heads wouldn't turn at the sight of it rolling down the street, unlike the Bel-Aires and the Fairlanes would.

She didn't want to bring attention to herself for a set of wheels that should be in a museum somewhere.

As she drove toward town she hummed a tune that had been stuck in her head for days. She'd finally realized it was ‘Hooked on A Feeling’. 

Y/N had no idea where she'd heard the song or even who sang it but it seemed appropriate for the situation. She was hooked on a feeling that she'd found her soulmate through a mistaken wrong number.

Once she got parked and walked toward the door of the restaurant she was to meet her Romeo, something caught her eye.

Down past the building was a sleek black car that she'd know anywhere. A 1967 Chevy Impala that if you looked closely had been rebuilt at least twice but was in pristine condition.

She turned her head to look through the window of the restaurant and her heart dropped. Dean was inside!

What was he doing here? Did Sam tell him about her rendezvous with Romeo and he was here to stop it? But then she realized that she hadn't told Sam about the meet-up.

Turning on her heel, she walked with purpose back to her car and slipped inside.

‘Something has come up and I can't make it. Sorry.’

Y/N raced back to the Bunker, parked the car and ran to her room.  She flopped on the bed and let the tears flow.

How dare he be there? Finally, when life was going her way, she was going to meet the man of her dreams, Dean fucking Winchester had to go and ruin it!

Her phone buzzed a couple of times in her pocket but she didn't check it until she was all cried out.

‘Hope everything is okay. Is there anything I can do?’

‘Are you ghosting me?! Really?’ 

She didn’t answer. Y/N wasn’t sure how to answer. She was no better than the woman who gave Romeo the wrong number to begin with. 

What was she supposed to do? Tell him that her “brothers” were actually just two men she lived with in an underground shelter that was warded to keep out supernatural beings that were out for their head? That her job consisted of continually being on some demonic radar?

Yea, he’d think she was nuts!

So instead, Y/N turned her phone off and laid in bed, wallowing in her own self-pity. She would never find a man to understand her lifestyle and she wasn’t going to give it up.

Fighting monsters and demons was her life! She was dedicated to making sure no one ever had to witness or live with the fact that their loved ones were murdered by things that shouldn’t even exist!

A few moments later, she heard the bunker door slam shut and could make out the boys’ voices but couldn't understand what they were saying. It got heated quickly though as she heard Dean yell, “You don’t fucking understand!”

Y/N got off her bed, wiped the tears from her face and left the bedroom, heading toward Sam and Dean.

“I just don’t understand it, man,” Dean says as she reaches the doorway to the library. Y/N stays just out of their sight; she can see them but the boys have yet to notice her presence.

“We get along so well. She’s funny but smart. She puts me in my place.”

“Maybe you should just man up and tell her your real name,” Sam suggests.

“No, no way. That opens up this whole world-” Dean says as he waves a hand around, motioning to the room and all the books on the supernatural they have. “She’s not like us. She wouldn’t understand. I just don’t know what happened?”

“I’m telling you Dean,” Sam says sternly but compassionately. “You may just be surprised.”

“No. I’m not telling Regina about this life.”

Y/N gasps and puts her hand over her mouth as it all comes clear. Romeo is Dean. Dean is Romeo. Holy shit! Wait, what? Like, what the actual fuck?! Dean is who she’s been chatting with via text for months now?

She thinks back to the first message and tries to remember if it came in as Dean since she has his contact information saved. But no, it was a number that came up, not a contact. She quietly runs back to her room and grabs her phone.

As soon as it turns on, she goes into her contacts and scrolls down to Romeo’s. She opens it and sees it is indeed a different number than she has saved for Dean….and his other phone….and his other, other phone.

So what is going on? 

She walks back toward the library and this time she makes herself known. 

“Oh hey Y/N.” Sam says with a smirk on his face.

“Hey Sweetheart,” Dean says, his tone melancholy before taking a drink of his beer.

“So, which came first? The chicken or the egg?”

Dean swallows the drink in his mouth and then slowly turns his head toward her. “What did you say?”

“Which came first? The chicken or the egg?”

“Um, how do you know that?”

Y/N walks closer to Dean and holds out her hand. “Hello Romeo. I’m Regina.”

Dean froze. The only thing that moved was his eyes, from her outstretched hand to Y/N’s face.

Time stood still as Y/N waited for Dean to catch up to what she had said. Suddenly his eyes widened and his lips opened and closed like a fish trying to breathe.

“What?!” he finally found his voice and spoke.

“I’m Regina and I’m assuming you’re Romeo from what I’ve heard.”

“You are the amazingly hot chick I’ve been texting all this time?”

Y/N nods her head and Sam laughs from his spot across the table from his brother. “It’s about time! I was getting tired of watching you guys pine for one another, and not realizing it.”

“Shut up Sam,” Y/N and Dean both state.

Dean pushes his chair back and stands up, pulling a dinosaur of a phone from his pocket. It’s a frigging flip phone for Chuck’s sake!

“What the hell is that?” Y/N asks as she laughs and watches Dean flip the phone open and punch in numbers on the number pad. “How old is that phone?”

“It was Dad’s,” Sam explains as they both watch Dean work on getting into the phone and open up the text thread.  “I didn’t even know it was still usable but apparently my brother uses it to hook up.”

Y/N turns her attention back to Dean and watches as he looks at the screen, apparently re-reading all the messages.

“Well, fuck!” Dean says with a chuckle. He then turns to her and smiles. “Romeo at your service. And he is a dumbass. I didn’t recognize your number, but I do now.”

Sam stands and closes his laptop. “I’m going to go to my room and give you two some privacy.”

Neither Dean nor Y/N pays attention as the taller Winchester leaves the room, their eyes glued to one another’s, studying one another. No words were spoken for a few minutes.

“You’re Regina?”

“And you’re Romeo,” Y/N states with a nod. “I just have one question though. How the hell do you know who Regina George is? That's a chick flick if there ever was one!”

Dean shrugs and blushes. “Rachel McAdams is hot. What can I say?”

They both laugh but then Dean surges forward and wraps her up in his arms.

“But not as hot as my Regina. She can't hold a candle to you, baby.”

Y/N feels her heart squeeze around such a heartfelt compliment and smiles. “How idiotic are we?”

“Well sweetheart, this idiot has fallen for you.”

Y/N’s phone slips out of her hand and her arms wrap around Dean’s neck. “It’s a good thing I’ve fallen for you too then.”

They stand there, wrapped up in each other just taking it all in.

“Can I kiss you now?” Dean asked and Y/N nodded.

He slowly leans in, their eyes glued to one another's until at the very last second he glances down to her lips.

As soon as their lips touched, it was like everything became clear. The world had been dark and gray and now it was bursting with vivid color.

Dean licked against the seam of her lips, begging for entry and Y/N immediately granted him access.

When the need for air became necessary, they pulled apart but not before Dean placed his forehead on hers and smiled.

“Who knew love was right under my nose?”

“Well, here it is,” Y/N says as she tightens her hold on the older Winchester. “Who knew we belonged together? Now take me to bed!”

@spnbaby-67 @sea040561 @delightfullykrispypeach @larajadeschmidt13 @atc74 @vicariouslythruspn @squirrelnotsam  @sandlee44 @blacktithe7 @hoboal87 @mogaruke @supraveng @akshi8278 @lyarr24 @kazsrm67 @chriszgirl92 @deanwithscissors @raisinggray @fanfic-n-tabulous @hobby27 @stoneyggirl2 @purpleeclipseeggsland @kmc1989 @leigh70

#dean winchester #y/n #sam winchester #Anonymously Yours #angst #fluff #smut-ish #Supernatural

[jealousmartini]

MARCH DAY 24

REFLECTION TIME

∘₊ ✧───────────────────✧₊∘

Last week, I challenged myself to dedicate at least 3-5 hours a day to grounding myself in my desired state of being. The purpose of this was to rewire my self concept, understand that when looking for validation I should always look to my imagination/4D and to let go of wondering how or when my desires will come because I already know I have them.

∘₊ ✧───────────────────✧₊∘

PERSONAL TECHNIQUES USED

Affirmation tapes

Visualising

Robotic affirming

Scripting

+ bonus! Listening to music that remind me of my desired reality

∘₊ ✧───────────────────✧₊∘

WWW and EBI

☆ What went well

Turning back to my desired dwelling state when feeling like I've fallen has become a LOT easier, feels less forced

I have been remembering that emotions don't manifest, the feeling of fulfillment/acceptance manifests so I have been spiralling way less

Instead of wondering if I am doing my techniques right and where my desires are, I have been assuming I am doing everything right because I use my techniques to REMIND myself I already have them.

I have been identifying with my imagination instead of the 3D. I have truly clocked the fact that imagination IS the real reality, and I am the creator of everything I see and experience.

I really do recognise that I DO have all my desires already because I identify with my 4D. There is nothing for me to try to get it's already mine in the real reality. And as long as I continue to persist in that fact alone, the 3D has no choice but to reflect it. [I have also been accepting the fact that the 3D always reflects my desires instantly]

I literally do not give the slightest about circumstances anymore

☆ Even better if

If I wasn't so shy to use God affirmations and just accept the fact, I simply am god, especially since already understand the true meaning behind why I am god of my reality.

I don't actually know to be honest😭😭 as long as I am assuming I am doing everything right and that I literally already have my desires in the real reality then I am perfectly fine

side notes: gonna post my next targets guys I'm so excited 🧼

#shiftblr #desired reality #law of assumption #loa #master manifestor #4d reality #shifters #self concept #drself #shifting

[silenzahra]

Today's the anniversary for me! ✨

I know the Mario Movie was released on April 5th 2023, but back then I was seeing the Holy Week processions with my dad, so I didn't get to go to the cinema until April 8th, which was a Saturday, and that was when everything changed for me 😌💚❤️

This is going to get a bit long, personal and emotional, so it's totally fine if you'd rather not read it! 💖

As I've mentioned, this movie saved my life simply because I was in a terrible place when it came out. Admittedly, I had been feeling a bit better that week thanks to the fact I was going out every day and was distracted and such, but my mind was still not totally... fine.

Until, at 8PM, the Mario Movie finally started and I spent the next hour and a half with a silly smile on my face, feeling like a little kid again and experimenting lots of feelings and emotions I hadn't felt in many months. Happiness. Joy. Laughter. A warm heart. Tension. Pure emotion. Excitement. Nostalgia. The urge to cry, though not from sadness.

And the need to get those cute brothers off the screen and give them each a big bear hug.

(Posted this edit on my Instagram account last Friday.)

Mario and Luigi did really save my life. I had already fallen for them long ago, when I was 13 and played Superstar Saga on my GBA, since that was the very first game that made me see these two as endearing and charming characters with a beautiful sibling bond based not only on love, but also trust, laughter and comfort.

And, in all honesty, seeing this movie, seeing that bond translated into it, was totally a dream come true. Aside from the M&L games, we don't really get to see much of these two taking care of each other (please correct me if I'm mistaken!). Also, I'm a 90s girl, so I had been wanting a good animated Mario movie since... I honestly can't remember. All I know is I used to watch the cartoons (specifically the one based on Super Mario Bros 3), and then I ran into the live action movie from 1993 and... Welp. Let's just say I'd rather forget it 😬 (Sorry if you did like it, it simply was NOT my cup of tea.)

And then this movie was announced, and every new trailer made me feel more and more hyped, and reminded me of my love for the Super Mario franchise. I had already been hyperfixated on it back in 2013-2016, when I played Dream Team and fell even harder for them (especially Luigi), and when I finally got to see this movie, that obsession came back stronger than ever.

I felt like a little child again. I went back to play my old favorite games. I listened to the ost on loop for months, and it ended up becoming my most listened album on Spotify last year.

And I also felt the urge to write again.

Writing has always been an important part of my life. I started at 8 and I simply couldn't stop. To me, it is like breathing, so when I spend some time away from writing, I'm not exaggerating when I say I feel a physical pain on my chest. And due to the bad place I was in, I had been away from it for way too many months.

It turns out all I needed was a dose of brotherly love in order to feel my fingertips tingling again with the urgent need to start writing.

So yeah. There are many things I have to celebrate today and to be thankful for. First of all: I'm alive, and happy, and better than ever, still struggling with anxiety and fears but feeling way better than I'd felt in the years before this film came out. I feel emotion, and joy, and will to continue living and enjoying life and fangirling and being myself. I feel connected to Mario and Luigi and my heart simply warms up every single time I think about them (which is 24/7 tbh).

And I'm writing again! 2023 was the year I've written the most in my entire life, and I owe it to this wonderful movie, and so far I've continued to write this year too, and that's also thanks to Mario and Luigi.

And of course, and more importantly, this film has led me to meet all of you, beautiful people, and I honestly couldn't be more grateful 🥹🫂💖 With you I can fangirl and scream and cry and be myself, and that's why I felt like sharing this with you guys, because I know you understand and share the feelings I've experimented these months since I first saw this movie. I love each and one of you with all my heart 💖💖💖

And after talking non-stop, I believe I kinda feel like finally showing my face here (the real one, not this one 😂), so... Here I go! 🤭👇

This is me today! 🤭 With lots of Mario stuff as you can see, and I even painted my nails to match the main characters! 💅

The blue is for Toad, the pink is for Peach, green and red for Luigi and Mario (obviously) and black for Bowser since he was played by Jack Black! 😁

Admittedly, I'm not very good at painting my nails because I'm not into makeup and such, but I do like to see them all painted, I think they look beautiful 🥰 Last year I used to paint them red and green all the time since I went not once, not twice, but thirteen times to see this movie, and every time wearing a different shirt 🤭 Though the one I'm wearing today is the one I wore exactly one year ago, as you can see here! 😁

I literally cannot remember when or where I bought it, but it was simply PERFECT to wear to go see this movie 😁 And you bet, when the Toad guard said that quote from the first Super Mario game, I went all silly in the cinema: "OMG my shirt!!!!!" 😂😂😂

And here are some pics from some of the other twelve times I went, and you can get a look at some of the Mario shirts I own! I may go and show them all together in a different post, and maybe also the earrings since I own a lot: red shrooms, superstars, fire flowers, green shrooms... Would you like that? 🥰

Now that I see it, I look a bit scared on the first one 😂 The green shirt I'm wearing on the second one is pure GOLD, and on the third one I kinda felt like I was taking a picture with Mario himself 😂😂😂

I did own some Mario merch before the movie came out, but last year I went and bought tons of it, including shirts, earrings, and of course plushies! 🤭

They look like a cute little family OMG aren't they ADORABLE I love them all so so much 😭❤️💚✨

So this is it! This is my little celebration of the first year since I saw for the first time the movie that saved my life 🥰 In all honestly, I would've liked to bring a fic or something, but as you all know, I went through a very hard Holy Week and I'm still not feeling totally ready to get back to writing (even though I've gotten a couple new ideas, for which I'm deeply grateful).

But I hope sharing my experience and feelings (and my face! 😂) is enough for this year, and let's hope I can bring a new Mario story to share with you guys very soon! 🥰

I love you all so so so so so so so so so so much!!!!! 💖💖💖💖💖

#super mario bros #mario movie #mario movie anniversary #face reveal #this is me!

[fairytales-and-folklore]

Thank you for the tags @secretly-of-course @childlikegoblinqueen @peachytea04 @slightecho ♥️♥️♥️♥️

No pressure tags: @litfeathers @ashanimus @princecharmingwinks @tails89 @nutellarghh @ash-mcj @greyhavenisback @lollytea @marimbles @avatarmerida @asarcasticwitch @daydreams-and-honeybees @sailahina @sapphic--kiwi @haystarlight @zyrafowe-sny and I think that's everyone I know who writes fic? I'm so sorry if I forgot to tag anyone, please consider yourself tagged if you'd like to join in!

RULES: Post the last sentence you wrote (fanfic / original / anything) and tag as many people as there are words in the sentence. Since I got tagged by four people, I'll post four snippets from four different huntlow fics I've got in the works: Band/College/Coffeeshop AU: "Willow!" he practically shouts in reply, spilling iced coffee down the front of his apron. He attempts a casual lean against the counter, pretending there isn't coffee creamer dripping down his jeans or ice cubes melting in his apron pockets. "How— hey's it— how's it going?" Actor AU: Luz opens the paper with a rustling snap and reads the big bold headline aloud in a dramatic voice: "Co-stars Hunter Noceda and Willow Park seen cozying up at coffee shops and 24-hour diners all season, meeting in secret at each other's apartments every other weekend, and have been spotted side by side at many a red carpet event over the last year. With their characters rumored to finally be canon endgame, could romance be blossoming both on and off the screen?" Golden Garden AU: "Listen here, Golden Guard—" she growls, and oh, even her voice is cute. "Hunter," he supplies without thinking, wondering whether the force of being knocked into the wall has given him a concussion, if the most important thing to him in that moment is that she knows his name. A fic where Hunter writes Cosmic Frontier fan fiction: Every time he tries to bang out a coherent sentence, he ends up with something along the lines of "I LoVe yOU CaPTaiN" oBAiLeY COnfEsSeD TO WiLLow I mEAn QUaNDo oH fUCk hOw dO yOu deLeTe

#tag game #wip tag game #wip game #writer tag #write tag game #fan fiction #huntlow

[xenon-demon]

WIP Weekend! 🖋️

So I've been tagged in various WIP games this week by @stobinesque @penny00dreadful and @steves-strapcollection - thank you all Very Much for the tags!! <3 (even if the tags were because I am an Enabler Of Fic, I recognise my true calling is to be a hype man and writing is my side gig lmao)

Anyway I have a reasonably free weekend this weekend and a BURNING DESIRE to get something ao3-ready. Also FYI these rules are a slightly modified version of the ones Sam (penny00dreadful) is using, because I am using the "Fuck It We Ball" approach and cobbling together all the various WIP games into something that will work for me.

🎆 Rules 🎆

In a reblog (or new post w/ rules attached), post up to five (5) filenames of your WIPs; not titles, file names.

Post a snippet from one of them. Snippet must be words you wrote in the last 7 days. We’re posting progress here. If you haven’t made any, go make some and come back to post!

After you’ve posted, people can send you an ask with one of your file names. You must then write 3 sentences in that file. If the filename is one you can’t share from (for example, an event fic), write 3 sentences on it anyway, and then 3 more on another to share.

That’s it! You can invite others to join in, or just post. If you tag me in your post, I will send you an ask request!

I am listing my WIP names as a poll; the poll will run for 24 hours and at the end I'll do the maths on how many votes each WIP received. I'll then set a goal to write 100 words per vote* for each WIP, and make a post of the vote breakdown for accountability! (*I may change this to be more than 100 words per vote if I don't get many votes in total.)

Snippet from "steve overstimulation projection manifesto" (SOPM) under the cut!

So yeah. Eddie can’t handle sudden change, big deal.

Steve can, for the most part; he's a lot more adaptable. No, Steve's weakness is people.

It took Eddie a while to realize it, and even then, he didn't truly understand until after they'd started dating. After all, how could the former King of Hawkins High possibly find socializing difficult? Eddie remembers all those bitter glances he used to shoot King Steve's way, jealous of how effortlessly he commanded the court of public opinion - not that he'd ever admit to it. But then Steve fell from grace, underwent more character growth than Eddie thought one man was capable of, and now Eddie knows the truth: uneasy lies the head that wears a crown. (Eddie is forever in debt to his freshman year English teacher for pointing him in the direction of the battered copy of the Complete Works of Shakespeare in Hawkins Public Library. If only poor Mr Collins knew Eddie was only interested so he could use it as inspiration for D&D campaigns.)

Steve is absolutely charismatic; he knows how to tell people exactly what they want to hear, or make them feel special in a way that keeps them coming back for more. The catch is it's an intentional act. It's a mask that Steve used to be terrified he could never take off, as he mournfully confessed to Eddie one night while sharing a joint in the trailer. As it turns out, Steve just needed better friends; with Robin, with the kids, with Eddie, he finds it so easy to just be himself. He doesn't have to censor himself or fret over what image he's presenting to the world, and can instead relax and actually enjoy the company. Steve's joked around with Eddie before that it's actually kind of good for their relationship that Steve used to have to try so hard - he knows how to flirt without even consciously thinking about it. What Steve doesn't know is that he could go into graphic detail about the shape of his toenails and Eddie would still be listening with hearts in his eyes.

—————

And now some tags, both for visibility and as an invitation to join in if you'd like to/aren't already doing a writing game for the weekend! <3

@sailing-through-hawkins @onirislanding @inairbinad @eriquin @scarcrossdlvrs @patchworkgargoyle

#steddie #eddie munson #steve harrington #steve x eddie #steddie fic #wip weekend #autistic steve harrington #<- is The Deal with SOPM. i promise i'll give it a real title soon <3 #also YES I still have some WIP game asks in my inbox and YES I do live in shame #unironically the hardest part is choosing what snippet to hand out lmao

[savriea]

Get To Know Me Tag

Whew this was a long one! Thanks for the tag lovely, @darkurgetrash <3 This was fun! I love these games and learning more about my moots and sharing about myself when I wouldn't otherwise!

No pressure tags for: @little-paperboat @seabirdsong @forget-me-maybe Do you make your bed? Nope! Once I manage to peel myself out of that thing, what's left behind isn't my business. (plus I have 2 dogs who would promptly tear it back up, so,)

Favorite Number: I've always liked the number 11. Can't really say why, though!

What's your job? I am in sales, which works shockingly well given that I am pretty introverted IRL

If you could go back to school, would you? No. I was always smart but struggled in school because I had undiagnosed ADHD and was only seen as a problem child and as the weird girl. The lack of support and social issues left a bad taste in my mouth for school. Then, post-high school, I experienced terrible burnout in my first few years at college.

Can you parallel park/drive a manual car? Yes and yes. Cars and motorsports are actually a big passion of mine :)

Do you think aliens are real? Hell yeah! We'd be insane to think we're the only ones here. I kinda subscribe to the Dark Forest theory, though

What's your guilty pleasure? Napping. On the rare weekends that I have free time, there is nothing to stop me from a 6-hour mid-day nap. That and sweets.

Tattoos? I have 4, with plans for a few more. I have more piercings than tattoos at the moment. I just need to find a new artist, eventually... if I ever remember.

Favorite type of music: I have 2, depending on the mood. Metal/Rock or Electronic/House music. Which, these days a lot of metal leans on electronic heavily so it balances 🥰

Do you like puzzles? Yes and no. I really enjoy escape rooms as my ADHD can just go crazy with finding something, getting distracted and finding something else, then putting it all together. The time constraints are the vibe killer there, tbh

Any phobias? Fear of falling, definitely. I don't mind heights themselves if I'm in a secure position, but things like skydiving/ziplining/certain roller coasters do me in.

Favorite childhood sport: I was never into sports as a kid. I've gotten really into motorsports as an adult, though, and feel like if I grew up somewhere that kids motor sporting/karting was more prevalent *cough cough Europe cough cough* I would have been super into that.

Do you talk to yourself? Not really. There's enough going on in my mind 24/7 that the external stimulation might push me over the edge lol

What movie(s) do you adore? When people ask about my 'favorite movie', there are only ever 2 answers. Animated: Pixar's Cars. Live Action: Interstellar. No I will not take questions.

Coffee or tea: Depends. Cold: Coffee, all day. Hot: Tea, green, please.

First thing you wanted to be growing up? An astronaut 🥰

Last song I listened to: tear gas - Architects

Favorite color: Black!

Current obsession: BG3, lol.

Last thing I Googled: The phone # for my local tire shop 😂 Fancy.

Favorite Season: Winter. I love a good cold day.

Skill I'd like to learn: Painting. I actually went to art school for 2 years before suffering from extreme burn out. I was always decent with digital art, but I would love to be able to really, actually, literally paint

Best advice: I genuinely can't share any. Big head no thoughts. Sorry

Currently watching: Catching up on the Fallout show! I'm always very behind on new TV but currently about halfway through it.

Currently reading: A stupidly long list of BG3 fanfics as my "to read" books sit gathering dust on my bookshelf.

Relationship status: Married! Together since 2016 <3

Sweet/Savory/Spicy: Gosh it really depends on the mood, but if I had to choose only one for the rest of my life, SWEET! I have a weakness for baked goods.

#tag game #get to know me #get to know me tag #me #Spotify

[thisnightissparkling089]

Everything with an 8 or a 2, plus 50 😊

2. what's your favourite colour?

Purple!

8. would you rather watch a rom-com or a drama?

Depends on my mood, but I typically choose Rom-Com's. Though, honestly, (old lady thought coming on in 3...2...1...)I feel like they don't make rom-com's like they used to in the 2000's. There used to be like 2-3 a year. The last romcom I can remember seeing is Isn't it Romantic in 2019. But I did love that one!

12. i'm giving you a plane ticket, where are you going?

My husband and I have been looking into a trip to Germany, so I'm going to go with that.

18. cotton candy or ice cream?

Ice cream. I just had some the other night from our local shop that was vanilla ice cream with reeces peanut butter cups and pretzals mixed in...😳 sooo good!

20. biggest pet peeves?

Right now, people who choose to consume Fanfiction without interacting is the first thing coming to mind.

21. describe your style/aesthetic

Well, I work from home, so it's mostly sweats or yoga pants or pjs lol. But when I'm going out, I like casual but stylish. Dark wash jeans, blazers, nice tops. In the fall/winter I love pairing outfits with a scarf. In the spring/summer I like flowy tops. Idk that I really have any kind of 'set style'

22. what's your favourite thing about yourself?

My ability to perserve. When the cards are stacked against me and I'm in a shitty situation, I never just give in. I find a way to make things better and work my way to something better.

Also, my ability to find and surround myself with genuinely good people. I like to think I'm a very good judge of character.

23. what's your favourite day of the week and why?

Well, it used to be Friday's, but now it's Tuesday's. Tuesday's are Rookie days and we all get on her and go crazy together and I smile because it's the closest I'm going to ever get to us being in a living room together hanging out and watching our favorite show together.

24. morning or night person?

Night person. I have never been and never will be an early riser.

25. tea or coffee?

Coffee in the morning, tea at night.

26. you can only read one book for the rest of your life. what book is it?

Hmmm...I'm Glad My Mom Died by Jeanette McCurdy because it was so damn impactful.

27. you're stuck in a lift with your favourite tumblr account who is it?

Listen, it's a tie right now between @sisterofficerlucychen because we could entertain each other for hours and @queseraone because you'd make friendship bracelets, and we could talk Taylor Swift for hours.

28. do you have any siblings?

1 sister. I always wished I had more!

29. what's your biggest fear?

Dying, and the uncertainty of not knowing what's on the other side.

32. what is your comfort movie/tv show?

Aside from The Rookie, The Golden Girls. I used to watch it on Lifetime with my grandmother when I was growing up. I've seen every episode hundreds of times, and I still laugh like it's the first❤️

38. what is favourite gemstone?

Sapphire, such a stunning color!

42. favourite flavour of ice cream?

The aforementioned ice cream earlier in the post. But I also like Strawberry, Cheesecake, and Cookies and Cream.

48. what's your favourite fruit?

Mangos and Peaches

50. nothing. i just wanted to say that ily. ♡

😭😭 I love you too, you're the best, and I always smile when I see your handle on my page!

#ask game #lovely mutuals #asks #ask me anything

[marshmallowgoop]

Hi! Listen, I don't think we ever like, talked, but I've been going through one hell of a KlK renaissance the last couple of weeks and let me tell you. Coming back after nine years and seeing you still active, all your resources still there, and Ryuketsu being a 'Valentine's Day reblog tradition' ever still. I could scream. Thank you for uuuh being you? Gah, I hope I make sense. Please don't mind me potentially like-spamming your old posts in the upcoming 24 hours, 'cause I'm gonna go fall face first into all that meta. 💖

Oh my goodness! Hi! Thank you so much!

I obviously could be way better at being active—I'm so sorry for how late this response is. And while I have to admit to harboring a lot of complicated feelings about Kill la Kill these days, it—and especially Ryuko and Senketsu—will always be special to me. I've actually been meaning to make a Ryuketsu AMV for ages, since I now kinda-sorta know how to video edit!

I grew so much as a writer from Kill la Kill, and it is beyond heartening that my old work is still of interest today. This is seriously so sweet—thank you again!!

#vagabondfromkanto #replies #gifs i made #ahh sorry again for how late this is but i couldn't let this go unresponded to! #i'm so touched... thank you <3

[angelosearch]

Favorite's meme!

I've been tagged by @cynic-view-ahead and so I must!!

I am really bad at picking favorites so the addendum to all of this is that these are my favorites as of right now, all time favorites is a whole different ball game.

Favorite painter: I actually don't know many painters by name, but I do really like Jane Wilson. Her impressionist landscapes are so beautiful, atmospheric, airy, sometimes haunting. But also, I love that she is an American woman doing big landscapes because the wall-sized landscape paintings in the US have always been dominated by men and she subverts that.

Favorite poet/writer: This is such a big question but I'm just going to say Tamsyn Muir and be done with it. I love The Locked Tomb Series! If I was going to try and describe the series I would say... a murder mystery in a post-apocalyptic society involving swashbuckling Necromancer lesbians... in space.

Favorite band: Hmmm, even just narrowing this one to right now only is hard! I've been listening to The Last Dinner Party, Mother Mother, and Cavetown on repeat lately. I am seeing Cold War Kids on Wednesday and The Rocket Summer (I went SUPER HARD for this band in high school) on the 17th. ABBA and Death Cab for Cutie are on permanent rotation!!

Bonus: A fictional band that will be featured in an upcoming chapter of Chaos Theory - Wimbly Donner and the Soldiers. There's three sentences about this band in my fic and I have two pages of headcanon about them.

Favorite meal & drink: I am very mood/situation dependent on my food choices. I am not picky in the sense that there's food I won't eat, but the vibe has to right for every meal. There is only one thing I can eat under any circumstance or time of day and back-to-back and that is a huge bowl of popcorn. Specifically, popcorn stovetop-popped using canola oil and white kernels. I top it only with salt. It was the first thing I could cook for myself and the only thing I could have for dinner for a while so my brain has just adapted to crave it 24/7. I like it warm, burnt, even stale. My favorite drink to pair it with is a smooth iced Americano. That sounds weird but the bitterness of the coffee highlights the sweet and saltiness of the popcorn!

Favorite outfit aesthetic/style: My favorite outfit is my causal Squall outfit (the Squoutfit)! But my style usually consists of bright colors, sequins/shiny things (Cher-core), busy patterns, and tons of accessories. I like playing with layering and trying to make myself look taller. I am a bigger person who is not always on good terms with my body but ironically I really like wearing crop tops. I just can't expose my biceps.

Favorite singer: Today it is Xana. I am OBSESSED with the song "Better Kind of Best Friend." Normally I do not listen to songs on a constant repeat but I'm probably pushing on listening to this one 30 times in the last 12 hours.

Favorite item you own: You mean other than my copy of Final Fantasy VIII? Hmm, it's a tough one. I just got a hot dog bookmark. And someone else gave me a glasses-cleaning cloth that looks like a hot dog. And then there is my hot dog sculpture. Probably one of those perfectly normal things to own.

Favorite perfume: I don't really do perfume these days because my husband is allergic but I have this mint and cinnamon soap that I absolutely adore. When it comes to fragrances, I generally like notes of lemon balm, flowers, cedar wood, rosemary, or vanilla, but I am very picky about how these scents are presented.

Tagging people I didn't get in my other tag game this evening: @gardengalwrites @redfoxline @sevlinop @thewillroar @mathiwrites

#tag game #favorites

[queenmiarys]

ENVY

Song inspiration: Feels like a dream

A/N:1 Thanks @ao719 for listening and for support and giving me your opinion.

A/N:2. I was trying to post last Friday but got super busy .

A/N:3 please excuse any errors or misspellings or grammar mishaps , I did spell check there were none.

I hope you enjoy reading.

Catch up here

-----

Book: Royal romance

Pairing: Liam x Mia

Warning: None

Summary: This take place 2 year’s after meeting Riley, Liam meets 24 year old Amelia Ramos and starts a new relationship.

Most characters belong to pixelberry, Amelia Ramos belongs to me and so does this story.

Chapter Summary: Mia arrives in Cordonia , Drake talks to Constantine.

Word count 2,819

Song inspiration Feel like a Dream

Mia had slept 2 hours of her 10 hour fight, the pilot announced that the plane would be landing in the next 15 mins or so.this put her mind at ease a little more knowing she could get to Liam, but would his father let her visit him, sadness washed over her again now she worried about how she could get in to see him. 

Her father had an associate he had known and worked with for years, to meet her once she got to Cordonia. 

"Once they landed there was a fairly handsome male waiting with 2 parked SUVs with dark tinted windows. She shook his hand. " Nice to meet you I'm Amelia

"Welcome to Cordonia, I am  Rashad Hussein

"Nice to meet you, thank you for taking the time out to meet up with me, I didn't know if my father told you why I came to Cordonia or not." 

"I've known your father a long time, he took me under his wing and he's been a great mentor for many years, Stefan Ramos has turned into a very good friend of mine, so when he told me his daughter met a prince and she's said she was in love I knew I had to help."

This caused mia to blush somewhat, she hasn't even told Liam she loved him yet and now five or more people knew. She was brought from her thoughts when Rashad waved his hand in front of her to get her attention.

"I know Liam personally, I grew up with his older brother Leo, but  since I've gotten to know Liam over the last few years, I consider him a very good  friend and  business associate." 

"Thank you, I'm so glad you are a good friend to him, you know before I landed I was worried, what if his father or stepmother didn't allow to see him or  tell me anything." She admit to him

"Well I want to put your mind at ease, he's doing okay, but he is still in the hospital, I'm sorry I can't give more information due to my business relationship." 

"I can live with knowing he's okay, that's the best news I've heard since hearing this God awful news."

Her and Rashad took the first vehicle along with Bruce and one of Rashad guards, her other 2 guards took the other waiting car

"My duchy is about 30 minutes away, if you like you are welcome to be my guest, I have plenty of room."

"That's so kind of you, yes I accept your offer, I was so worried about Liam I really didn't think where I was going to stay." 

"It's quite alright, I understand."

He looked over at Mia, who were sound asleep.once they made it to Domvallier he tried to wake her but the she was exhausted and overwhelmed from the events that occurred in the last few days, Bruce scooped her up in his arms and followed the maid to an upstairs guest room and laid her down on the bed.

When she woke up around 6:30, she had to use the bathroom. She saw a note on the side table.

If you need anything, use this phone and they'll get it for you or cook whatever you request.

She picked up the phone " hello?

"Yes Ms.Ramos, how may I help you."

"I really need to use the bathroom.".

"It's the second door on the left, the first door is a walk -in closet and your luggage is there, if you need anything else please feel free to call."

 She relieved herself, then made it back into the room and laid out a black blouse with Daisies and a simple pair of jeans and a pair of nude flats. She was going to a hospital where she didn't get Liam all worked up. She thought.

.

After she got dressed, she heard a knock at the door.she hoped she had time to dry her hair but she could just let it air dry. She was ready to see Liam she missed him so much.

"Good morning Lady Amelia, I am Helga. I was asked to escort you to the dining room."

"Why thank you."

"Good morning lady Amelia, I hope that you find my accommodations suitable for your stay last night."

"I really appreciate you letting me stay last night and yes I really enjoyed my stay here, thank you so much."

"And I'm sorry about last night, I didn't know how tired I was. I had been up 2 in half days with a good 2 hours of sleep."

"No need to apologize, I completely understand."

"And why do you all keep calling me lol ady Amelia?

"Get used to it, once they catch on to you being Prince William lady , you'll definitely be called lady Amelia

"This is my father Jamal  and my little brother Jacob."

Rashad was maybe 5"11 but his little brother looked to maybe be 6"3 at least. 

"Good morning, Your Grace."

"Morning lady Amelia?" Mr. Hussein said, "I've also known Stephen for years, we haven't spoken in a while, but you are his pride and joy." 

"Thank you Sir, I thank you for letting me stay last night, well this morning."

"It was my pleasure, when my son told me who You were I welcomed you with open arms, I have an early meeting to attend, I hope you enjoy your time in Cordonia."  Him and the young boy left 

After breakfast, it was now 7:30.

" I have a full day of meetings myself,  but first I will Escort you to the hospital,  it's a 2 hour drive." 

"Let me do all the talking once at the hospital." She nodded in agreement 

When we got outside of the hospital, there was a full staff of guards surrounding the building, you had to show I'd and state why you were there, once on the elevator the guard had to use a key card for the elevator to stop on the floor he was on

Once upstairs they came across Drake sitting outside of Liam's room,  he had been there for now 3 days

"Drake, do you remember the woman Liam met in New York?" He nodded as he watched her  carefully. 

"This is Mia." 

His eyes went wide., "Nice to finally meet, sorry we had to meet under these Circumstances. He shook her hand.

"So nice to meet you, Liam told me so much about you."

"So how are you Drake?: Rashad asked.

Drake looked down at the ground.' I'm fine." 

" Drake man, when was the last time you had a good night's rest.or some decent food?"

"Don't worry about me, I'm fine." 

"Drake you need take a break,  I know he's your best friend but it's been 3 days

"He's right Drake."  he heard a deep voice Bastien was standing behind him.

"Drake you know I got this, go home shower and get some rest, eat."

"I hate to interrupt you all, but can I please go in to see Liam?" 

"Go ahead,  I'm sure he'll be happy to see you." Drake said.

Bastien looked at her with wide eyes, he hoped she didn’t remember him, and when she paid him no attention he felt relief wash over him. 

She opened his room  door. "I told you I'm okay for now, not even looking. 

 After the person didn't leave it caused him to finally look up, his eyes widened. "Mia?" Or am I dreaming? How did-. Before he could ask she cut him off. 

"I'm here Liam." She cried.

.

"Of course you can, just be careful.'

"I'll be careful, I promise. " She sat in-between his legs and gently laid against him wrapping her arms around him, she softly kissed his chest, he caught her lips in a kiss.

"I'm so glad you are here, I just wish it was under better circumstances."

"I hate it too, but no where else than with you."

"I hope I don't scare you Mr. Rys, but I have fallen in love with you, and so many know now I thought I needed to tell you.

"Mia I love you too, actually since the moment we met."

They both laid there for a while.

"Mia, my love." he shook gently to wake her. 

"Liam I'm sorry, I must have fallen asleep, how are you doing?" She got very emotional.

"Hey come here my love, it's okay I'm fine they removed the bullet and I should have a full recovery soon."

"I was so worried about you, I still am."

" Shush let's not worry, I don't want to get all worked up , about tell me how you got here? Liam asked so they changed the subject because he hated to see her cry or be sad.

"I had to beg my father to get us here as soon as possible

Us?

" We'll Yes, my father would've agreed if he couldn't put me under his protection coming here, I have 3 guards.

"I already like your father, if I had a daughter I would do the same." His face grew serious. "So after you leave Where would you be staying?"

 

I was going to get a room 2 blocks from here. It's called Crown mega hotel."

"Nonsense Mylove, my  Apartment is 5 blocks away. I want you to stay there."he said just as Maxwell and Olivia entered his room.

"And who do we have here?" Olivia asked 

This is my girlfriend Amelia and Mia this is my friends Olivia and Maxwell."

"Nice to meet you Amelia Max said 

"Please call me Mia 

"Mia how did you get here?" "Cordonia was shut down until this morning." Maxwell asked

"Thanks to my father's private jet, I had to come,  Liam is very important to me."

"I'm glad you're here."  Olivia shook her hand."

"So am I." Maxwell said. "Bring it in, I'm a hugger." 

They talked a bit. "Well I must get going," Olivia said. Maxwell weaved and smiled. "Maxwell, I need your help, remember?" She notched his side

" Oh,  yeah I remember now." 

Liam mouthed the words thank you to Olivia. Before they walked out.

"So Liv, are you dating anyone? " Maxwell asked, honestly she had been on his mind since the conversation he had with the guys

"Why are you all in my business?" 

"I like you Liv, you're just the right amount of danger I need in my life. He winked

Olivia laughed." What was cousin to you? You two once dated each other."

"We were friends with benefits, that's all."

" hmm To answer your question I am with someone, and even if I was free, look my cousin Amber told me about the 2 of you, so what are you trying to keep it in the family?"

"Liv it's not like that, but if you are ever single I can show you how he should have treated you." He said as they entered the elevator.

"Well this is me, see you around kid."

He winked at her before she got onto her waiting vehicle.

—---------------

"Morning visiting hours were over and the evening didn't start until 6 till 10. 

The new nurse had just started her shift when she noticed Mia and Liam but they didn't notice her

"Hello, Mr. Rys I am Joan and I will be your nurse for today." She spoke up.

"Visiting hours are now over, so say your goodbyes

"Do you know who I am?" Liam said

"Yes Mr. Rys I know,  but that won't get you any special treatment from me, I'm very professional and I rather do what's best for you my client. '  Look I understand young love and you want her to stay but this hospital has rules and I follow them so with that being said I will give you guys another five minutes. " 

They said their goodbyes." Guard." he called out 

"Bastien entered. "Yes your Highness."

"This Mia, can you have someone to take her to my apartment in the capital, send my regular staff, they are to treat her as me do you understand?" 

"Yes Sir." 

The nurse had left the room and returned 10 minutes later. " I decided to give you 2 a little extra time,  come on kiss your prince bye for now, go rest you know he's safe." Mia shook her head in agreement, the nurse hugged her. "Child don't cry he'll be out soon, be happy God protected this man because it wasn't his time,  and trust he's got favors above Angels hard at work, so please go and rest dear." 

_____

Drake had gone back to the Palace,  but his mind was still racing,  he tossed and turned and he dozed off a few times,  but the nightmare played over and again each time he fell asleep,  Liam getting shot and the fact that he actually had to kill a man who almost killed his best friend/his his actual  brother.

He rubbed his hands through his hair and grabbed the bottle of Whiskey that was sitting on the nightstand, it had been a week now since he had a drink.  It was a sharp knock on the door. " Just a moment." 

He opened the door and there was Constantine standing there holding a stack of papers. "May I come in?" Drake didn't say anything, he just opened up the door and walked over and sat in one of the chairs by the window. " Look son, I want to explain the best I can."

"Okay I'm listening, let's see what you come up with to justify lying to me 29 years of my life might as well say 30 I have 60 days before my birthday. "

"Mainly I did it because that's what your mother wanted for you,  a normal life, she didn’t want you going through life as a royal, she thought it'll be safer if you stayed a commoner and I agreed, maybe I should've done  things differently

He had told Drake about his earlier life with him and my  mother and Jackson.

"There's another matter at hand Drake."

"And what's this matter?"

"I was diagnosed with stage 2 lung cancer and the doctors gave me a year to live, that was 6 months ago son." 

"Why are you telling me this and not Leo?" 

"The only ones who know are Regina and Bastieand Olivia.

"So again why not talk to Leo?"

"Because out of the 3 you have always been the strongest, when I die, I need you to look after your brother, Leo can manage but Liam he puts up a big front, but we both know him you boys have been best of friends since you were little please don't let it came between you."

 

"I can do that, you know I love Li, he's always been my brother."

"One more thing Drake, I saw some of your work helping others, imagine how you could help others as an official Duke and the right resources and finances, just think about it please, and it's also up to you whether or not we tell the world who I  am or keep it in the family, I would never force you son, I have a press conference soon, I know you don't particularly care for me but for time I have I want to try and in few days I want to discuss other matters, here are your real birth records and birth certificate. "

—-------

Mia had arrived at Liam Apartment in the Capitol. It was beautiful after the tour. 

They were told dinner was ready, she hasn't really eaten  much in nearly 3 days.

Once down stairs they were greeted by a male and female. 

"I am Jesus your gourmet chef 

"And I am Silva your dessert chef 

"If you need anything please feel free to just ask and we'll do our best to make or to get for you."

"Got it, thanks." 

A few hours had passed and it was 2 hours until she could visit Liam.

" May I help you, MIa called out to the lady she saw standing in the doorway, the lady smiled.

"Guard." She called out

"Please stop calling for them, they can't help you, but I can."

"How ?" Who are you?" How did you get in here?"

"Just trust me, William is a good man, never give up on him, all relationships have problems,  but I'm asking you to stick with him, he will truly treat you like the queen you are meant to be, Amelia."  The lady disappeared.  Mia ran from room to room looking for this woman but she was nowhere to be found, it wasn't a dream because she wasn't asleep. Was she going crazy or was someone really there. 

"Lady Amelia, are you okay?" Jared the butter asked. 

"Yes I'm fine."

After visiting Liam they went back to his apartment,  I just need to get  some rest.

_____

Liam was out in the garden, and Riley joined him"Beautiful day isn't Liam how about we try again?" Please give us another chance?"

"Another chance after what you did to me, I'll never be that stupid ever again, you fucked my fucking brother and made him fall for you and then just up and disappeared without a trace, and now you want another chance

She touched his hand but he pulled back. " My new future is with Amelia, I love her, and  I'm over you Riley." 

"I'll always be the one for you Liam, I made a mistake it's always been you I love you."

"You don't know what love or loyalty is, it took me a while but I finally met someone who I'm falling for, me and you are over." 

(Reality

"We are over Riley." Liam said in his sleep.

Riley stood holding his hand as she blinked back tears.

"I'm sorry." She whispered softly before leaving the room. 

Liam's eyes slowly fluttered open, he looked around not seeing anyone but he could smell her perfume, she was the only woman he knew who wore pleasures perfume, he closed his eyes remembering the night of the Gala. "Bastien, please come in here now."

"Yes Sir?" 

"I need a list of all my visitors,and  I need to speak with Drake."

"Yes Sir, right away."

Bastian stepped back in the hall and walked over to the staircase 

"You got to be careful, you don't want to upset him, go scrub that sent off you if you want to see him again." He whispered

.

"Eventually I'm going to have to reveal myself, we have unfinished business." Riley said as she left.

@honey358luv @luvquit @alj4890 @ao719 @hanaleeappreciationweek @harleybeaumont @shewillreadyou @yaniradolton @yolandawalker @yourmajesty09 @msjr0119 @mom2000aggie @kingliam2019 @olivianevrakiscutie @twinkleallnight @karahalloway @bebepac @dcbbw @differenttyphoonwerewolf @choicesficwriterscreations @choicesmcmadness @choiceskatie @harleybeaumont @jerzwriter

#ENVY #trr #liam rys #Mia Ramos #drake walker #l

[donnerpartyofone]

Sometimes life takes on the thematic consistency of a movie, and this is always thrilling even if you know intellectually that all of your impulses and machinations have to come from the same subconscious place.

At the beginning of the week I saw an interesting horoscope prompt to write an obituary for your past self and bury it in the ground. I decided to do this, perhaps because I have been burning for change for several years now on a level that has been making me much more insane than I already am. I thought it would feel forced and pretentious to write the obit, but it was really easy, particularly easy to see what the "past self" consists of when I notice all the things I do now that I couldn't before. It was a good feeling, that it was so obvious to me what to write. I buried it where we spread our lizard's ashes, a place where there is a view of the Statue of Liberty. Sometimes I hang around there and analyze what "liberty" means to me in a culture where we often take it for granted as a foundational principle, even though this isn't very true in practice.

It happened to be the summer solstice. On midsummer's eve I had been strangely full of energy. Someone posted a section of coptic midnight praise music, so I got out of bed and listened to that on repeat for about an hour before getting two or three hours of sleep. I woke up around dawn feeling refreshed and experienced no fatigue for the rest of the day. Then I did the writing, and the burial. Oddly (or not), I would spend the next two days finally-finalizing my married name change on every outstanding account. Becoming a different person.

In the night I'd found myself looking at pictures of snakes, my favorite animal since childhood. In the morning I vaguely remembered something having to do with snakes and midsummer; in fact there is a Lithuanian grass snake entity that is supposed to protect the home and bring good fortune, and it is connected with a sun goddess who is naturally celebrated on the solstice. I even remembered that I had some Zaltys-themed perfume in my collection, so I dug that out and enjoyed it, a sunny and snakey smell. My seemingly random snake meditation was well-timed, not only calendrically but because my husband and I have been desperately searching for a new home. We got one the next day.

In less than 24 hours, we viewed an apartment in our (really MY let's be honest) favorite neighborhood, applied to lease it, and were accepted. Of course nothing with me is ever as cut and dried as that, and in reality it took several hours to get my application materials together and do banking bullshit and just stop fucking everything up. I started a post yesterday detailing all this, but now I'm too exhausted to fix it up and post it. Suffice it to say that almost every adult activity is almost Too Hard for me, I wish I understood the world better and I really do try but it's beyond my intellectual functioning, but every time I have to take care of some administrative nonsense I'm like a goldfish passing the same plastic castle like it's brand new. Sometimes it feels like everything I do is the hardest thing I've ever done, and my only source of pride is the willingness to keep doing it.

The apartment is only slightly too expensive, which we will trade for slightly more space in a much nicer neighborhood. We've been sitting on each other's heads in a hilariously small place surrounded by toxic waste (literally) for ten years, and in the last few years it began to feel like something that was holding us back, as people, in life. Like I needed so many things to change about my health, my job situation, my daily routines, my worldly possessions, and it just didn't feel possible for anything to shift in this little place that seemed to be shrinking every day. I became convinced that moving house would trigger all of the other changes, no matter how unrelated they might appear, and I still think this may prove true.

It may not be surprising that I started going to church during this time of constriction, when I could only expand my mind. I find it easy to love the intense fetishism of Catholicism, and its enormous pantheon of different guys with different attributes. It's got more guys than GI Joe, all with cool little backstories. Somewhere I read that you can bother St. Joseph for domestic needs. He is a guy who we know very little about, which is curious because the holy family is such a big deal; it seems that he died sometime before Jesus turned water into wine, but no one knows how. There is an incredible statue of him in Star of the Sea that is epically sad and exhausted-looking, I need to get a picture of him. I actually said a novena to Joseph for the new apartment...so now I guess I'm on the hook! Good thing I confused things by also asking my favor of the Lithuanian snake entity, so I don't have to just become a fanatical Catholic. I'll have to make a little joint altar in the new place for Joseph and the serpent.

While I was changing my name on the last bank account down in the financial district, my husband texted me to say we got the apartment. It was about an hour after we submitted our application. When I stepped outside, I realized I was around the corner from St. Paul's Chapel on Broadway, an ancient-feeling place surrounded by modern steel and concrete and glass. The cemetery that wraps around the building has a view of the Oculus, which presents an extremely strange view that I couldn't get a representative photo of, so all these exteriors are stolen and you'll have to try to imagine what I mean. I did go in, though. The atmosphere is very powerful, a center of oldness and spirit and allegorical thought in the center of this futuristic business orgy. I think that I'd like to be wealthy because of course that's what everyone wants, but also because it would increase my ability to be helpful and contribute to changes I want to see around me. I thought about this while I put some money in the offering slot and lit a candle.

In esoteric thought there is something called an egregore, which is sort of like a large-scale tulpa, an entity that arises from people's collective mental and emotional investment in it; Wall Street has an egregore, and the NFL, and Broadway, and Disney, and so on. St. Paul's Chapel does a great job of announcing itself as the seat of the egregore of New York City. I regret that I couldn't get a picture of this painting without the glare in the middle, although that does add a certain amount of drama. But anyway here we are, back to the concept of Liberty. Here's hoping the new apartment brings lots and lots of growth and change.

[hermeticimp]

Full Moon in Pisces (8.30.23) - Savior Complex

So, the Full Moon is in Pisces right now and my favorite artist's birthday was yesterday, so I'm dealing with a lot of feelings. I was encouraged to share them by @adapembroke and we've been trying to get me to post more, so here's hoping this is the full start of that. I won't get into my adoration for Michael here. That is something I will do in future posts because I have plenty I plan to write on him. This is about the raw emotions and realization that hit me in the last 24 hours. Just know that love goes deep and is unshakeable. Continues under the cut

I have feelings - especially since Michael's birthday was literally yesterday and he has a Pisces Rising (like me) conjunct his Pisces Moon. I spent Monday and Tuesday listening to him - the first day my brother was cooking for school, so we spent the day downstairs listening to his albums and going back and forth on what we appreciated about them. I find his album Dangerous from '92 is a surprise favorite since it's very 90s but even 30 years later still speaks on things we deal with now.

Then yesterday, I watched one of his live tour performances. I was having fun for awhile, but then it hit me just how much I miss and love him and why I fear shining too much as a sensitive person - because I watched one of my idols be destroyed by the world he was in. A person I share all my critical angles with, a person who also has Leo and Virgo placements and a Libra NN, his being conjunct my natal Chiron. He was a star who loved and shared his heart and he was crucified for what he said. That terrifies me. Michael's music was one of a handful of artists' that got me through the hardest times and his death was a changing point in my life. I love him much more than I would ever want to admit - even to myself, which makes that fear all the more real. I don't want to go out like he did. I don't wanna be destroyed for daring to be a voice against the crowd. It feels like all kinds of past life wounds and fears have been dredged up with this moon transiting my 12th and 1st houses.

So that was a lot. I've been really reflective. At the same time as this fear, I found a podcast last night about learning to embrace your voice and I've spent part of today reading the book "My Friend Fear". I even managed writing the characters I've been meaning to write for months this past week. So I don't want to let fear stop me, regardless of how valid. I just need to figure out balancing my fear and my need to use my voice. I think Michael being so relevant right now is meant to help with that.

Another theme that's been prevalent in the last few weeks, but feels pretty poignant on top of what I said is the concept of being someone's "savior". That theme has come up a lot. There's even a song ("Savior") by someone I look up to - Kendrick Lamar - where he talked about how he couldn't be anyone's savior even though people wanted him to be. On another song on the same album ("Mirror"), he apologizes for choosing to save himself and his family and not being that savior - which irked me when it came out (last year) because I never felt he needed to be sorry for that. You can't save everyone. You shouldn't be sorry for choosing yourself, especially when you've already given so much.

And yet, that's what Pisces does. It gives and gives and gives until it has nothing for itself. And it fails to have compassion for itself. It's inconjunct Leo, who healthily does take care of itself. They both have to learn the balance between healthily self-focus and giving compassionately and genuinely. And I've been struggling with that. Michael struggled with it and in the end, the Pisces shadow is how he left the world. I don't want that. If these Leo transits have taught me anything, it's that I don't want that. Sure, being vulnerable is scary, but I've spent my whole life being self-sacrificial and not valuing myself. It didn't get me anywhere good - not in the long-term. So why not embrace myself and who I really am? Why not embrace self-compassion and love while still giving people room to be themselves? I won't allow myself to stay transfixed by my pain. I will continue to dive deep and transmute it into light while exploring my depths and the depths of the world around me - to go underneath the underneath.

I will be me, even in this world that says that's wrong. I don't have a choice. Even if that means confronting what scares me most. I have to live for me.

I'm not anyone's savior but my own. You can't be anyone's savior but your own. The best you can do is lead by example - to be an inspiration, a Muse - the last of which is hilariously on the nose for me since I played a Greek mythology video game called Stray Gods: A Roleplaying Musical this past week where you play as a Muse who helps solve people's issues by getting them to sing what's in their heart. She can't force them to lie or go against their true nature, but she can elicit and inspire them to express themselves truthfully (to an extent). Even funnier is that the character's name - Grace - is one of the meanings for my nickname irl - Anna.

Michael's asteroid - like Hermes - lies in my 11H in Cap. He's an inspiration, a guiding light, a Muse… but he isn't my savior. He shouldn't have been anyone's but his own. And I won't try to be anyone else's either. Not if I want to make it out of this life the way I want to. I can't fall into the Neptunian illusion or Jupiterian delusion of grandeur. I have a voice and I will share it. If people resonate, they do and that's great. If they don't, that's fine too. It's not my job to save everyone - only to be share what I feel needs to be said and expressed for us to start healing as a whole. To share what I need to to express myself and be of service by doing so. I don't want to lose my faith and magic in this world, my sense of wonder. Michael is one of those that reminds me of that - for good and bad. I will honor myself first and foremost. I won't drown in this ocean inside me.

#astrology #ada's school of narrative astrology #narrative astrology #pisces #michael jackson #full moon in pisces #my writing

[stuckybarton]

Something Old, Something New

Summary: It's been well over a decade now since you had pulled away from the Hollywood Limelight, to give your husband the opportunity to shine and you to live the dream of having kids of your own with the love of your life. But when an opportunity was present to you to play one of your most favorite Marvel Character, who were you to say no? Words: 1.403 Warning: None(?) Characters: Husband!Oscar Isaac x Wife!Fem Reader, Pedro Pascal MASTERLIST || Requests Are Open

Post-Thor: Love and Thunder, you had never initially expected the reaction from the fans. Post-Credit, you had expected things to just be a cool Easter egg for the comic lovers and there was yet to be a full-plan for what other show or movie you would be joining. A part of you even thought no one would welcome you back after being away for quiet sometime. From being a supportive wife, and hands-on mother, the opportunity of playing the role of Angela wasn't something you would have ever thought would be given but you were more than happy for the small window of opportunity being given.

'90's Icon Y/N Y/L/N welcomed to the MCU as the newest Aldrif Odinsdottir or better known as Angela: The New Queen of Hel.' The headline was something you've read more than once for the past few hours now.

Your newly created Instagram and Twitter was filled with notifications from thousands of individuals happy about this new role and the newest project you had since you had pulled away from the limelight. You were overwhelmed now, as you continued to scroll through the notifications of your Twitter page, a part of you should have listened to your manager and allowed her to take control of most of your social media presence.

"Need any help with your social media presence?" Trust your husband to tease you about joining Social Media far too late in your life and in your career. But Marvel as well as your whole team believe that it was never too late and the Millions of followers you've gained in the last 24-hours since you've had the account was a sure indicator of it. Still wondering why anyone would want to know anything about you, but still it was best not to question it.

"What if I send the internet your nudes?" You teased playfully remembering you did have a few in your gallery that you needed to delete just in case.

"Breaking the internet again are we?" Oscar teased approaching you, arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you closer to him. "That is for your eyes only, My Love." he winked.

"Don't I know it." You grinned leaning closer to him at this point.

Before either of you could continue on, the familiar ring of your phone broke the evident tension was was starting and the sound of your children's squeal added to things.

"You take the call, I'll see what the monsters are up to." He planned.

You nodded, accepting his kiss before you focused on your respective task for the day. Your conversation was with your agent, explaining how you had an interview with Jimmy Fallon tonight and you needed to find a quiet place for the interview. That would be easy to do, your shared office with your husband was always used for interviews throughout the pandemic and it was fun to be the one to make use of it now instead of him.

With the call done, you had took your laptop with you and headed to the chaos that had been your husband and your children in the living room.

"What did she say?" Your husband inquired.

"I've got to do an interview with Jimmy Fallon tonight." You answered showcasing your laptop you were to use for the zoom call. "Can you handle the kids for me tonight while I work?" You asked, smiling at the fact that you didn't even need to ask and you know perfectly well he would.

"Take all the time you need." He assured pulling you in for another kiss before you made you way to the office to prepare for whatever was to come in the interview.

~

"Our next guest is known for her start in the 90's hit show Full House, a Julliard-Graduate that went on to win two Oscars, a Golden Globe, and multiple more accolades throughout her career. Please welcome for the first time to the show, Y/N Y/L/N!"

You could only smile at the introduction given to you and the cheers that came from the audience.

"Hi Jimmy." You greeted, eyes lingering to the door for a moment. You could faintly hear your husband trying his best to keep your kids quiet while you do the interview. They had refused to go to bed for the night until after you were done with your interview and you have read them their story. "It's good to be on the show, even if it's remotely." You continued finally zoning back in.

"We had really hoped to have you on the show, but scheduling was a little tight for you as I've heard." He continued.

You smiled knowingly it was your agent that had made the last minute arrangements for you to be here.

"Maybe next time."

"Where are you right now and I do hope you're not stay up too late."

"I'm in New York actually, same time as you. But got a few things I need to deal with." You reassured. "Namely a husband that just got home and two chaotic children that has more energy than both me and my husband have combined."

"How is the husband and kids?" He inquired.

"Doing good." You answered blankly, still haven't been open about the fact about who your husband was. Both you and Oscar had thought it was better to have something you could keep for yourselves, away from the public eye if either of you could. "Handling the kids while we're talking." You added as an afterthought hearing them squealing for an unknown reason.

Before he could continue on with his line of question, the door had abruptly opened and the sight of your husband's best friend and your own good friend Pedro Pascal had not only made you jump but scared for your life as your husband continue to scold him.

"Mi Hermosa! I knew my girlfriend was hiding you away from me like usual."

You had hoped no one could recognize his voice, but the moment the man had made his way towards you and now in front of your camera for Jimmy to see, you know your secret was ruined more so when your husband had tried his best to pull him away and he himself was seen by Jimmy and from the cheering for the crowd with him, everyone else did as well.

Even as your husband had tried to pull Pedro away, the look of recognition was all and well evident in Jimmy's eyes from your laptop. Even as you could faintly hear Oscar tearing Pedro another hole for not believing that you were busy, it did nothing but relieve you for a moment. At least neither of you needed to hide things from anyone anymore.

"So that is my husband Oscar, and his girlfriend, Pedro with their antics, as usual." You said finally composing yourself from the chaos of it all. "And aside from my return back to Hollywood for a couple of movies, I have revealed the two idiots I have to deal with on a day to day basis." You sighed chuckling and seeing both your husband and your friend peaking through the door upon you finally admitting as such.

"Could they possibly join us for the rest of our chat if it's not too much."

You eyed them both and shrugged. It was up to them now and with your husband relenting and Pedro eventually following along, as embarrassed as he was at this point, they had joined you. Pulling up a chair and sitting on either side of you. The smile somehow found its way to your lips, realizing that it was a good moment as any for everyone to know who your husband was. After everything he had worked his heart for, it was just a good time as any for everyone to know.

"So, spoilers for anyone that hasn't watched Thor Love and Thunder, you have debuted as another one of Thor's long lost sisters, Angela." Jimmy began.

"You can thank this man for convincing me to be in the movie." You point out with a playful smile. Head leaning against your husband's shoulder before turning your attention to the perpetrator for the new mess you and your team would be dealing with. "And this man had been the one to convince me that I'm not just some 90's has been like I've once thought myself to be."

"Because you're not." Pedro pointed out with a smirk.

"How did you three meet?"

"We were both studying in Julliard, got married when I graduate and the rest was history." You spoke sharing a smile with your husband. "Then we met this pendejo after and it's been three of us since then."

You smiled allowing both your husband and friend to practically take over of the interview, amused with the antics both of them had been getting themselves into at each other's expense and even Jimmy's expense. You took it all in, happy to know that your life wasn't some big old secret anymore.

#oscar isaac imagine #oscar isaac imagines #oscar isaac fluff #oscar isaac fanfiction #oscar isaac x reader #oscar isaac x you