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#maybe its true maybe they knew better than me that im faking it or something
strawberrybabydog · 28 days
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realizing im a lesbian has genuinely been one of the most life-ruining things ive experienced so far :0(
i dont think i know any other lesbians
i am a baby dyke. who likes a baby dyke? apparently nobody. i dont seem to fit into ANY lesbian spaces because i'm green but how do i become not green without experience? apparently i need 10 years experience for an entry-level job :0(??
how... do i even find other lesbians irl? "gay bar" ok first off why would i ever go to a bar. also im pretty sure those dont exist where i live
do i love lesbians because i hate and am traumatized by men or do i love lesbians because im normal. only one answer actually makes me a lesbian
if im not lesbian what am i? :0( i dont want to Just be asexual, that doesnt Mean anything
lesbians are fucking scary. i used to follow 10 sapphic-centric blogs but.... theyre always talking about how horrible/annoying other lesbians are over discourse ive never heard of, meaning, im probably participating in it without knowing
oh yeah. that too. i know nothing about lesbians. and being a lesbian. apparently when you're a lesbian you have to know every single piece of sapphic literature and every lesbian of history or you're bad and stupid and dont deserve to be talked to
it really feels like being hetero is free and easy, like you dont have to think about it you just Love Someone, but being queer is hard and energy-consuming and you have no choice but to dedicate the rest of your life to learning and knowing every single piece of sapphic-centered discourse. it seems like being a lesbian has more to do with knowing facts about historic lesbianism than it has to do with loving another lesbian and i'm sooooo not interested in being queer for the sake of discourse i just want to kiss a lady or whatever but thats not allowed until i pass my lesbian exam that every other lesbian passed 20 years ago
idk. maybe all of this confusion means im not a lesbian. i think if i really was sapphic i'd know the answers to this stuff already, researching would be easy and enjoyable..... but the master lesbian google doc..... idk... it seems like being sapphic requires more than just "Girls Kinda Pretty" and that is awful to me. i dont want to spend 4 years in lesbian university studying lesbianism just to get my lesbian degree so i can kiss a girl. i want to just kiss a girl Now why do i need a masters degree?? why do i have to study and earn and prove my place in a society where i thought the bottom line was Kiss Girls And Chill
"community history is important" i agree but why do i need to know all of this shit First, Before i am a lesbian. why cant i kiss ladies and research at the same time. idfk. idk anymore. i just want to love my gf. why am i 22 trying to figure out my sexuality when everyone i know did it when we were 14, how is that fair to me?? im sorry for being a late bloomer i dont know what you want from me
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i had sex for the first time and it was kind of a horrible experience. i was checking out a bdsm club for the first time and a man in his 50s invited me to check out a different (sex) club the next day and bc i genuinely, idiotically thought he just wanted to introduce me to the scene and show me around i went. at the club he bought me a couple drinks, we talked and then he took me to a private room and went down on me. i didnt say no bc i was drunk and curious, and im bad at saying no to people in general. i thought maybe it would be fun. i wasnt into it at all but felt too bad to let him know. i faked an orgasm and left after a while. as we parted he kissed my cheek and said he hopes we can be friends. drunk me told him of course we could. the next morning i was hit with the worst wave of self loathing ive ever felt in my life, as well as just general disgust and regret. i cannot believe my first time was with an old man i feel zero attraction to. i already knew im probably a lesbian, but still i keep trying to be with men and i dont know why. i guess my question is do you have advice on how to get over a sexual experience you regret? how do i come to terms with the fact that my first time was with someone i feel grossed out just thinking about? and was i taken advantage of? im in my early 20s, he didnt know i was a virgin (i active implied that im not), and i know if i had said no he wouldve stopped. i wasnt falling down drunk or anything. he didnt really do anything wrong. i feel so stupid and ashamed of myself. i just wish my first time had been with a woman. i wish i hadnt been so naive and stupid and i wish i hadnt gotten drunk. i know its not true but i feel like no woman will ever want me now. i cant even masturbate bc the idea of doing something sexual, even just alone, reminds me of him and what i let him do to me. how do i move on from this?
hi anon,
I'm deeply sorry that this happened to you.
in this case, I would say the way to make peace with a sexual experience you regret is to understand that you aren't responsible for what was done to you.
to answer your question - yes, you were absolutely taken advantage of, and this person very much did do something wrong! quite a lot of somethings! he made the choice to lure someone younger and less knowledgeable to a secondary location you weren't familiar with, get you drunk, isolate you, and pressure you into sex that you didn't give enthusiastic consent to. all of that is CLASSIC predatory, manipulative behavior and reflects on him - not you.
you mentioned that you feel stupid; PLEASE don't. people are pressured into unpleasant sex all the time, very often in the exact same way you were: being entrapped in a situation where going along with it was easier than saying no. it's vile! and none of those people are at fault!
listen: you need to be on your side about this. would you tell anyone else who experienced this that they're stupid and naive? I hope not. I really hope you can find the compassion you'd extend to any other friend in this situation to yourself, because you're going to be the #1 person getting yourself through this.
feeling bad and gross about what happened is fine; what happened was bad and gross. please let those feelings happen and care for yourself while they do, because those feelings need to be felt! just be conscientious about which feelings you're indulging. it's fine to feel betrayed, violated, regretful, angry, sad, even to mourn for a better first sexual experience you could have had! just make sure to gently nudge yourself back if those feelings start veering into the realm of feeling guilty or responsible for the situation. not only is it unhelpful, it's not even true!
it's very sad that your first sexual experience was with someone you didn't want who treated you the way he did. in the future, when you're ready, I hope you'll be able to pursue healthier, mutually pleasurable experiences on your own terms. don't rush yourself to get back to any kind of sexuality, masturbation included - a good long break while you sort through your feelings may be very needed. there's no timeline you need to be on to recover from this; please don't get down on yourself for taking the time and space you need. if you don't have anyone in person you feel able to talk with, looking up online support and resources for people who have experienced sexual assault may be beneficial.
also, hey, please don't play the game of trying to say you don't belong in survivor spaces or how this wasn't an assault because your belief that he would have stopped if you'd told him to (a very generous assumption!) or because you led him to believe you had more sexual experience or it could have been worse or whatever. the feelings you're experience in the aftermath are textbook of assault survivors; that means the resources are for you!
also hey. listen to me. look at me. if any woman tries to tell you that you are less worthy of lesbian love and companionship because you have had sex with a man. ESPECIALLY a man who was taking advantage of you. you are going to send me their address and I will personally attack them with a baseball bat.
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glyphcxre · 1 year
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A letter to a bitter person,
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Not gonna lie--- you probably wont ever read this. If you end up actually finding it congratulations i guess you did it.
 I didn’t really plan on saying anything but considering the multiverse is falling apart and its the end of the world, i didn’t want to leave any feelings unsaid. 
To anyone in my life past or present. Y’know just in case.
  I just wanted to take the time to say i see the shit u talk. I see everything you say about me/ towards me.
       You seem to have this idea that I somehow never cared about you? Or secretly hated you or something when we were friends. I just want to say for the record: I mourned our friendship for months. I was genuinely hurt and confused when i lost what I thought was my best friend. 
 && maybe I shouldn’t say that because it will send you into an ego trip where you think you’re the hottest shit to walk the earth; 
  cus ‘ ohhh i got c.c. I hurt them! They care about me after all i win! ’. 
     I never said I didn’t but hold that thought homie, let me finish.
The person i was mourning wasn’t you. It was the person I built you up in my mind to be. The friend i wanted to believe you were.  && The fact is you weren’t a good friend to me the last year i knew you.
 A good friend doesn’t ghost spending time with you constantly. 
They don’t make jokes when you’re having a ptsd induced panic attack. 
A good friend doesn’t take every opportunity to talk shit and name call after the fact either. 
 Not to mention good friends dont try to steal their best friend’s girlfriend and destroy a relationship of 4 years.
Remember when you said you respected our friendship more than to take bee from me that you’d back off because you valued my happiness?
           No? Weird. Cus I sure as hell do.
----( You didn’t by the way. Me and Bee are happy together && doing just fine. Putting a wig on ur gf and having her cosplay crapplebee isnt going to change that or suddenly make me believe i lost my girlfriend lmao. )
              But hey. 
 Keep trying to convince me that I somehow lost the love of my life. Its funny. Embarrassing for you, but funny.
(Side note maybe u should treat your amity like a person instead of your side piece. Just a suggestion. Making her cosplay another girl youd prefer to date. Really bro? Cmon. )
(Blushy if ur reading this i hope u wake up soon.)
Anyways.
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All of this to say.---- Losing you? wasn’t a loss at all.
 Not by the time it happened at least.
Maybe it would be have been when our friendship was younger and you had some respect for yourself and anyone else. 
The person that was my friend is gone though and all thats left is this bitter, selfish and small person who feels like she has to tear others down to prove something.  But maybe you’ve always been that small person and you just played us to try and get my girl.
 Who knows. I probably never will know the truth. 
--Cause even if you ever find this-you might read it but you wont take the time to comprehend it.  Or understand it. Youll take it as me being a ‘ bad or fake’  friend, and you’ll shout from the rooftops how you’re so superior.
Because at the end of the day, our friendship wasn’t what mattered. My words fell on deaf ears cause lets be real, what you cared about was what you could get out of it. You weren’t there to grow with me, you stifled me. 
& Frankly— I outgrew you.
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&& I’m better without you. Im better for it. I met more luzes because of it. I have closer bonds with everyone now. I see Eda and King more. I see willow and Gus more.
I have a true friend group now.
  Lynx, Asra, Sunny, Hunter, Lucky, Bee. I wouldn’t trade them for the world. They picked me up at my darkest and showed me what friendship without stipulation and toxicity looked like. I have more people behind me now than I ever have 
I no longer feel like I have to work my life around your expectations. && my life feels like its finally moving forward even with all the turmoil in the multiverse i know the people behind me really got me. 
So in a way. I guess I should thank you. 
So, Thank you;
Thank you for showing me the kind of person you really are- because at the end of the day, It let me start living again.
Tener la vida que te mereces amiga
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superfacies · 2 years
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seeing people say DID systems don't mask is WILD. we mask so much i, as the one who manages everything around here, had to create a whole character with a made up personality and we practice saying lines like our "singularsona" would to chat with people without them noticing something wrong
even before we knew what plurality even is i was practicing acting like my singular neurotypical persona and i wrote scripts in my notes app to make small talk with people and to talk to the cashier at the store because i thought "if i don't have a script i will 'lose control of my words'" which was basically switching because we were nervous
my first reaction when we were told about being a system (it was a 2 hour long talk with my therapist at the time, before being officially diagnosed) was "oh, so i have to never let this 'switching' happen again or else i wont be in control. i have to make up a better fake personality, one that will please more people so i wont get nervous and lose control"
and this is how i created a just very slightly autistic little uwu boy that everyone in the system Hated. i did too. we all hated pretending to be him but we had like no inner communication whatsoever back then and i didnt know of any other way we could effectively hide without using that weird pastel pink fairy boy as a mask
and we pretended to be him for two whole years before finally being able to start talking about plurality with someone. but when we did, when we told our therapist how our masking for both DID and autism was exhausting and we hated it she said "but... but DID systems don't mask, evan. idk what youre doing but its not masking." and that was weirdly heartbreaking. like, i knew for a fact that wasn't true because i intentionally created a mask for us and i intentionally "put it on" every day and it sucked and now yoire telling me im not actually masking because according to your little criteria list DID systems don't mask???????
i know it wasnt her intention but that invalidated our years of struggling trying to look "normal" and literally acting like a character we created (it even had a special name: evanfawn) just so people wouldn't be freaked out by us, and even that wasn't enough because i didnt have control over all of my headmates and i had no way of communicating with them other than through the journal we kept because of amnesia, and even then most of them didn't even look at the journal.
maybe not all systems mask, but oh boy we sure do. to this day, we mask A LOT. but we do it better now because most of my hms are cooperating and nice and we communicate much better to combine our memories and details we know about people and topics to be able to write a long blog post as three or more people but sounding like its only one.
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wizkiddx · 3 years
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supercluster
this is my entry for @hollandsrecs 'toms birthday fanfic fest' event - go check it out!!! I know its a early but im v bored so have it now. also im acc kinda really proud of this one, any feedback would be v appreciated 🤍
the prompt was: 'you and tom are best friends and you tell him that you love him on his birthday'
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summary: its toms birthday but he has a few things to get off his chest and into the night sky, y/n joins in with a bit of a revelation too
best friends -> lovers
warnings: mentions of alcohol, bit angsty but promise ends all fluffy and a shit tonne of dialogue
wc: 3.5k ishhh
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Everything got a little too wild and stuffy in the living area, Haz and Harry screaming sweet caroline, whilst Greg (Tom’s stunt man) was pouring *another* round of shots. The sweatiness and clamminess of the room meant Y/n took a moment to escape, sliding out the double doors, and closing them softly behind her to ensure no one would notice her little escape. Something about the midnight air, the slightly dewy smell of the neighbouring fields, felt like it was refreshing Y/n from the inside out. When she turned around, back facing the fancy rented house, she was slightly shocked by Tom standing in the garden. It was his birthday party after all. In all honesty, Y/n felt a bit guilty she hadn’t noticed he wasn’t in the thick of it with his brothers and castmates.
His silhouette was set against the clear night sky, the stars extra prominent this evening and the moon casting a soft glow off the left side of his face, exaggerating the natural contours of his jawline and cheekbones. Clearly, he was enraptured by the sky, staring up at it with a thoughtful look on his face.
And Y/n recognised that look instantly; she knew what he was doing.
In fact, he had taught her to do precisely the same thing. As kids, the Hollands, Y/n’s family and another two families from the local area all went camping together. It was an annual event, ‘the Kingston collective camping adventure’ as Dom had named it. Y/n couldn’t remember a year when they hadn’t gone actually - it was that much of a tradition.
One year, though, when she and Tom were about 9, her mothers’ due date coincided with the camping dates. So, sensibly, the decision had been made that Y/n and her brother would just be looked after by the Hollands - whilst her mum and dad were safely tucked up in bed at home, awaiting the arrival of her littlest brother.
Y/n, her brother Alex, and Tom were all sharing a tent, and it must’ve been at least midnight that Tom was awoken by shuffling and zipping up of the tent. He’d realised she was gone through sleepy eyes and, without a second thought, went to go find her. Sure enough, she wasn’t far away, not even 50 metres from the tent, crouched on the grass. Immediately Tom’s presence had been noticed, making Y/m quickly snivel and wipe her face.
“Are you upset?”
“Go away Tom.” The comment didn’t do a lot, though; instead, 9-year-old Tom had planted himself down next to her - his pyjamas getting wet on the moist grass floor.
“Are you missing Auntie Sarah and Uncle Mike?” In the same way that Y/n called Nikki and Dom auntie and uncle, the Holland boys mirrored the nicknames for her parents. Y/n replied with a long sigh before hiccuping, failing to control the stream of tears. Yes, he was right - this was her first night away from her parents- but she wasn't about to spill her heart out to the 'stupid boy' who had stolen one of her marshmallows that evening. Tom’s little brown eyes swelled, looking slightly terrified and out of his depth, whilst with all his 9 years of wisdom, trying to come up with an answer.
“Do you want to play football to forget about it?”
Unsurprisingly Y/n shook her head violently. Tom cursed inwardly at himself for saying the wrong thing, apparently football wasn't the answer to everything. The two children went back to silence until Tom had the metaphorical light bulb moment. “My mum told me something for when I got to sleepovers? Look!” He grabbed Y/n’s little hand, extending it upwards towards the night sky.
“No matter where you are, you’re all looking at the same stars too, right?”
Tom jumped a little before looking over his shoulder and recognising Y/n with the softest smile that grew across his face. Y/n slowly walked to his side, arms crossed over her chest to try and keep the cold at bay, joining Tom in staring up at the starry expanse.
“How do you always know?” Tom spoke in a breathy chuckle, shaking his head slightly. It was true, she did always know - but his question was somewhat irrelevant. They'd spent most their childhood together, they were as easy to read as a children’s book to each other.
“Missing home?”
“Sort of, I got my own slice of home with the boys and-and you but… pads, mum dad yeh, feel like on your birthday your always supposed to see your family.”
Although Harry, Harrison, Sam and Y/n had managed to fly out to surprise Tom on his birthday- prior commitments meant his parents and youngest brother hadn’t been able to make it. They four arrived yesterday, greeted by a very shocked and pretty emotional Tom - who had clearly been missing the sense of home somewhat. He’d been away shooting a film, then straight away launching into press for the next spiderman movie. It had been a long while since he’d been in London - half a year in fact.
This time too, he’d been away without a single family member or friend - that was another truth he’d learnt about growing up. Your friends and family, they all get lives of their own. Tom used to be a trailblazer, the first to get a job, the one everyone was super proud of. They still were, of course, but didn’t dote on him in quite the same way - everyone had their own shit to deal with. It was yet another reason Tom wasn’t welcoming his birthday as much as he usually would.
“Your parents did always spoil you rotten.”
“They spoilt you worst and you’re not technically their kid.” Y/n rolled her eyes, even if it might slightly true - muttering a ‘touche’ at the brown-haired boy next to her. Their families had always been close; naturally the adults seemed to gravitate more to the kids that weren’t their own. The ones who you could ‘give back’ at the end of the day. It just so happened Nikki and Dom had always loved having Y/n around, maybe a bit more than anyone else.
“Have you had a good birthday then? You should be in there with Greg pouring that shitty vodka down your throat.” Y/n questioned, whilst shrugging back toward the house, the dull thump of Jacob's playlist just audible. Still, both stared upwards, standing close enough that their upper arms were both pressed up against each other. She expected a jovial answer, but even from his tone, it was evident there was something up. He sounded…weary?
“I’m bloody glad you all came...don’t get me wrong, I love Z and Jacob and everyone but….”
“Shitty week?”
“Shitty birthday week of promo and press.” Tom scathed, and Y/n nodded. Even if she couldn’t understand what was so bad about press, she knew that Tom hated it passionately. And in the same way, he loved all his castmates dearly, but they hadn’t known him his whole life. They didn’t understand why he did every little thing; their values lay just that bit apart. It just wasn’t the same as being surrounded with his family - you and Harrison adopted Hollands too.
“I just feel like I’ve spent all week trapped in a room answering the most stupid, irrelevant and inconsequential questions... Everything’s just so surface level and fake and, and I-“He cut himself off, for the first time meeting Y/n’s eyes. In all honesty, Tom got a bit caught up in the stars reflecting off her piercing y/e/c eyes before changing tack.
“Will you do me a favour?”
This wasn’t spoken with the normal Tom tone. It wasn’t joking or jovial; it wasn’t an ‘off the tongue’ thing. This was spoken with such seriousness and gravitas coming from his deep voice that Y/n replied equally truthfully.
“Always T, you know that.”
“Will you please ask me a personal and serious and deep question?”
She got where he was coming from too.
Clearly, even though the evening was supposed to be a light piss up in celebration, it had instead unearthed some darker thoughts that Tom had been harbouring away. Perhaps he never even realised he needed such seriousness, or perhaps with his castmates he hadn’t felt comfortable exposing himself like that. Either way, Y/n was going to respect him now. It was technically his birthday, too; the clocks had already struck 12 - it was now his day.
It wasn’t tricky to think of one; she’d often wondered the same question of him - never with the opportunity to ask. The question popped into her head again, almost as soon as Tom asked for one.
“Okay…. What’s your deepest regret that makes you feel guilty for feeling because in the grand scheme of things, it minor? Like such a 'first world problem'." What do you regret that’s just completely selfish?”
Tom immediately stiffened, his jaw tensing as he worked through his thoughts in his head. Scared she’d pushed it too far, Y/n averted her gaze back to the sky, chewing her bottom lip slightly. It took a moment, but then she saw Tom turn towards her, in the peripheries of her vision. With a tightly closed-lip smirk on his face he joked “If your gonna ask questions like that, we better sit down.”
And so they did, both sitting crossed legged on the ground, knees brushing against each other. Just on the grass lawn, almost mirroring themselves all those years ago as kids in that camping site. Y/n wondered if she should offer to play football instead - to cheer him up.
“Missing out. I miss out months at a time. Miss out on seeing mum and dad, miss out on the pub quizzes with the boys, miss out seeing you… I mean, I didn’t even know you had a new job until you mentioned it this morning. I miss out on time with nana Tess and all my grandparents, and that’s scary cos… well, every time I go, it could be the last time… I don’t know, I just… I get so much, get to travel, to see the world, but… sometimes it feels like I’m sacrificing the foundations. And without the foundations….”
“The walls come crumbling down.” Y/n finished off his sentence quietly, barely whispering the words - but from Tom’s nod of agreement, it seemed like she’d hit the nail on the head. There was silence for a beat till Y/n whispered to him.
“Well, happy birthday to you” Trying to bring the mood up a little, she bumped his shoulder, and Tom chuckled breathily.
“Seriously! This is helping me out. I-I just need to get everything out and start my 25th year fresh.”
“Hey, if that’s all you want, I’m getting a refund on my present- we can just get deep and interview each other.”
“I’m game, except I’m keeping the present too.”
“Just because it’s your birthday and I’m a bit tipsy, I’ll allow it.”
“Okay, well then, Y/n L/n”, He spoke formally, leaning in closer and making her giggle a little. “What’s your biggest regret?”
“Honestly?” Tom just repeated her in reply, but this time it was a statement.
"Honestly."
He really was going deep too. No holding back now. Y/n sucked on her cheek before replying. “Not travelling with you when we were 19… I was just so determined to get to uni and start grown-up life, but… well, grown-up life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I should’ve tried to stay a kid longer, messing about on your film sets and pretending it was work. I think I would’ve learnt more from seeing the world with you.”
“Well, I am very knowledgable.”
“Shut up, you drop out- who didn't know what a drag race was.” She wasn’t wrong, and whilst yes, he had dropped out to be a film star - he was still a dropout. (with exceptionally poor knowledge of RuPaul) He scowled, then leaning back on his hands, so he was half reclined on the grass as Y/n thought of her next question.
“Whats your biggest worry?”
“Easy.” He chuffed, making Y/n furrow her brows at him. Clearly, he’d already thought of this. “That I finally settle down with the love of my life, and then the fans or press or paps ruin it.”
It made sense; every time Tom had gone public with a relationship, it had ended in a minor car crash. Typically it was also the girl who got hurt; she was the ‘victim’ in everything. Though Y/n had seen first hand the effect it had had on Tom - he never made it out damage-free.
“You make it sound like you’ve already got this dream girl queued and waiting.”
“I wish”, Tom sighed, as Y/n took the opportunity to completely lie down on the grass, staring up at the dark abyss. She’d always loved the stars and had become a bit of a geek on them as they’d grown up too- and maybe it was all down to Tom on that camping trip. Following suit, Tom copied her, his head resting on his hands that were crossed behind his head, taking in the moment of pure peace as they lay on the grass.
“You see that bright one there?” Pointing up, Y/n shimmied closer to him so that he definitely saw the same thing as her. “It’s actually not one. Look closer.” Humming, Tom shifted a bit closer, so her shoulder slotted under the side of his body just the teeniest bit. It meant he could follow her direction and squinted up at the little patch of the sky.
“ 5…maybe 6? What is it?”
“The pliedes supercluster…. basically a big group of stars that all were born from the same place- the same stellar nursery.”
“But they’re moving now?” She hummed in confirmation to his question, briefly glancing at the way his eyes were fixed on the sky. For the first time he seemed genuinely interested in hearing her stories of the stars. It usually was an eye roll and ‘you’re so lame’.
“They’re called the sibling stars… like everything in life, as they get older they drift apart but…. but to us down here? They’ll always be associated together because they have a gravitational effect on each other. They’ll always have their thing tying them together. Like an invisible string.”
“Sounds like you’re being metaphorical.” Tom chuckled, expecting a taunt back but receiving nothing except a gentle agreement.
“Theres also actually 7. The last one people can only sometimes see… it’s a pulsing star, so comes and goes.”
“They do that?”
“Yeh, and no matter what… if you can see it or not, it’s always there. Always having an impact on its family.”
Biting his lower lip slightly, Tom repositioned his head slightly, Y/n’s words taking time to be fully absorbed. He was sure she was making parallels to him. Barely there, appearing and disappearing, but always a part of the family.
“You are being metaphorical.”
“Maybe.” She whispered shortly. “Metaphors depend on who’s listening and if they draw parallels to their own life. It’s subjective. You can’t tell anyone what is and isn’t metaphor…. it takes the beauty out of it.”
“Right, sure... But if you were…. me, harry, Sam, pads, you, Haz, Tuwaine? That the 7?” Y/n held back the little smile at his words. Tom wasn’t as ‘head in the clouds’ as she was- he was literal. Also, he was bloody stubborn when he wanted to be.
“I wasn’t being metaphorical T.” He knew she was lying. She knew that he knew. But it still helped him, made him feel a bit better. That he was always, in some way, having some effect... lives always intertwined with the people he cared about the most.
“Tell me another story about another star.”
Time for the rest of the night kind of got lost. The two young adults just lay on the grass, entirely in their own little world, using each others body heat to keep themselves warm through the early hours. Neither felt remotely tired, Y/n whispering her little stories of both the myths and science of the old stars, pointing out each planet. Meanwhile, Tom listened in awe, for once not taking the mick out of her incredibly geeky hobby. Instead, he found himself getting fascinated by all the little intricacies Y/n was so passionate about.
It was only when the stars began to fade, as orangey-red hue started to seep up from the horizon the either noticed the time. It was now the morning of the next day, the house long since had turned silent behind them - presumably, everyone finally passing out shit faced.
As the stars’ light was overtaken by the rising sun, Y/n ran out of stories; the two settled into silence - neither quite ready to go to bed yet.
“It’s still my turn,” Tom spoke into the sky before pivoting his head to look Y/n in the eye, seeing the confusion in her furrowed brows. “It’s my question to ask. My turn.”
“Aren’t you sick of my voice yet?” There was absolutely no reason that they were both whispering. It wasn’t like anyone was trying to listen or that they’d disturb anyone else my talking normally. But it was nicer that way. It felt calming... intimate even.
“One more. And then you get one more… and then we really should probably go to bed.” He didn’t want the night to end; he was immensely enjoying this weird grey time between being 25 and 26. But it was cold, Tom could tell Y/n had started to feel it a little more. To be fair, she was only in a floral day dress, not much in the way of warmth. With a hum of agreement, Y/n smiled lightly at him, urging his question.
“Whats the biggest secret you’ve kept from me?”
With a bit of a scoff, Y/n sighed and closed her eyes, trying to draw some strength she wasn’t sure she had. It wasn’t like she needed to wrack her brains to come up with it - she knew instantly. Almost painfully too.
“Uhm, honestly?” Now even more intrigued, Tom nodded, using his foot for nudge hers - encouraging her to speak. “Probably how much you mean to me.”
“Oh” He couldn’t help it; the sound just slipped out his mouth without checking with his brain first. That answer had just been so unexpected. He had honestly been thinking that it would be something about how ‘fame had changed him’. After hearing that, Y/n turned her head up the sky again, feeling like her cheeks were on fire with embarrassed heat. Tom knew he had fucked up.
“No, I… I didn’t mean- just just ask me too.” With a sigh, Y/n waved off his stumbled answer as he tried to cover himself.
“This is stup-“
“Ask me!” For the first time in 5 hours, Tom spoke at an normal volume - but it felt painfully loud, like a shout.
“What’s the biggest secret you kept from me?” Her tone was defeated, but nevertheless, he answered.
“How upset I was when you didn’t come when we were 19. I got why, but it was still annoying. Felt like you were picking uni friends over me-“ At this point on any other evening, Y/n would have interjected and argued. None of this situation was normal, though, so she chose to hear him out. “- I know it’s stupid, but…. I guess that’s how much you meant an-and still mean to me too.”
There was silence for a couple minutes, waiting whilst the sun started to peep over the horizon, the lone witness to an otherwise very private conversation. That was until Y/n barely spoke, more like mouthed 2 simple words.
“I lied.” The intensity of the way Tom stared at her made Y/n wish that the sun hadn’t been so bright, that they were back in the darkness that hid her face more. “Biggest lie I’ve told you … that I’m not in love with you.”
Y/n didn’t see because she couldn’t face looking at him, but Tom’s face erupted into the most prominent, toothiest smile. Whilst Tom was enjoying the moment of being absolutely ecstatic, Y/n was waiting for a response- feeling her world come crashing in. That she'd just destroyed one of the most important friendships in her life too.
But then he said the opposite of what she thought he would.
“I lied too.”
That had her attention, whipping her head toward him as Tom rolled onto his side on the lawn, balancing with his head resting on one hand. “I lied that I’ve not been completely under your spell since we were kids at that campsite, and you were homesick.”
Y/n’s heart was literally in her mouth, brain overwhelmed but one overriding thought oh so bloody clear.
She’d lost control of everything, arching up to mirror Tom. Using one hand, she reached out to cup Tom’s jaw, to which he instinctively leant toward - until their lips were mere centimetres apart, hot breath fanning over each other.
Y/n no control as she whispered those 3 words against his lips. No control at how immediately after he pressed his to hers; no control as Tom guided her to roll on top of him, knees either side of his torso as his strong arms wrapped around her back.
Once again, time was lost between the two, only pulling apart when their lungs burned for oxygen.
“For the record, I love you too.” Grinning from ear to ear, Tom used one hand to gently stroke his thumb across her cheek, switching his focus from her left to right eye - in wonder at how the early morning sun reflected from her y/e/c irises. He’d always thought she was beyond beautiful, but when she was this close to him, with the sun rising behind her in such a way - she looked damn ethereal.
“Happy birthday T.” Nodding in agreement, Tom chuckled before finding her lips once again, whispering against them.
“Yeh, happy damn birthday to me.”
~~~~let me know what you think ;) ~~~~~
tagging: @hallecarey1 @hollandfanficlove @crossyourpeter
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black-bhabie-2000 · 3 years
Note
Hii! I would like to request accidental stimulation in public by fem reader (may be she doesn't pay much attention that time about this? Or u choose ) & and then may be the Guys get flustered about this and they try to get close & get some stimulation with their S/O till they get home and then we can go all NSFW 😛 with KENNY, CHIFUYU, BAJI, MITSUYA please ♡♡ thank you for your time. Have a greattt day☆ xo
I hope I had the right idea with this.. thank you for being my first ask and sorry if it isn't right I did the ones I know and I hope you request again..
Mitsuya
You and Mitsuya have been dating for a while and you've gotten to see every side of him. Including what he's like outside of his Toman persona but you guys were about to hit an even bigger milestone. He invited you to his house. You were brimming with excitement. You stopped at his club after school to walk with him. He spotted you " Just a sec babe, alright make sure to not hurt yourselves and anything you mews up let me know so I can help you tomorrow. " with that He grabbed his stuff and grabbed your hand pulling you alongside him. The walk to his house wasn't long. You guys walked in and changed to his slippers and he led you to his room. "Feel free to look around." He said with a smirk. You laughed " How did you know !" He smiled and closed the door. You waited to see if he was going to com back in and he didn't. So you started snooping. The first thing was dirty magazines but sadly he hide them to well but you came across something better. In his closet was a bag with your name on it. What else could you do but open it and inside was the prettiest dress you've ever seen. You immediately stripped not paying attention to the door that was slowly opening and started putting on the dress. Once on you realized it really emphasized you curves and was a little too tight in certain areas. The whole time your tugging and trying to make it fit right. Your boyfriend is on the floor watching the show your putting on. " Wow you look hot babe" you turned around flushed and embarrassed. You forgot he would eventually come in. " You look very sexy in the clothes I made for you but it looks like it needs some adjustments " he smirked and stood up slowly walking to you. Your body moving backwards till your against the wall . Mitsuya leans in his hair tickling the side of your face. He grabs your side his right hand slowly sliding down your back and he whispers in your ear. " We're going to have to rip this off and start from scratch ." Let's just say you reached more than one milestone that day and Mitsuya makes you wear the clothes he designs on dates.
Baji
You and Baji have been in the same class for 2 years and yes yall both dumber than a bag of rocks. Only thing is you were more popular because of how cute your actions were. While baji was just weird. You asked Baji out and much to your surprise he said yes. You didn't know about Toman or that he looked like out of school until he asked you on a date to an amusement park. He told you his gang was going to be there and you excited about going on your first date pulled all the stops. Im talking about cute thigh highs, brand new skirt with a baby doll top that showed off your rack quite nicely 😏. Your makeup was beat in and you snuck into your older sisters makeup for the spray that would make sure your face wouldn't melt. Your accessories showed off you curvy and cute form. You hadn't seen Baji after-school and neither had he seen you. So you arrive at your meeting spot and couldn't see him. So you waited. You hadn't noticed the group of boys next to the fountain you walked past or kept circling. Draken called attention to you first with a nod in your direction "she's cute '
Takemitchy gasped "don't say that what about Emily " Draken laughed "like Mikey would let me date his sister " Mikey silently smiled to himself ready to go into the amusement park cause he was hungry. "Baji how long is your girlfriend gonna take, we've been out here for 20 minutes " Mikey whined. I don't know man she said she was here maybe I should call her ?" Baji responded. "You should've called her in the first place" chifuyu replied. Baji typed in your number and flipped chifuyu off with lead int the guys chuckling. You had hit the roundabout and stopped in your tracks a few feet in front of the boys. You picked up your phone in a hurry and answered it . You were kinda irritated " if you weren't going to be here , you shouldn't have wasted my time dumbass and hung up on him. Baji ofc looking at you and also stunned that you cussed at didn't say a word. Better yet all the boys were looking at you because one there was no way Baji pulled a baddy like you and two did you just cuss him out. You were Bout to storm off . When Baji caught your arm and spun you around, pulling you into him. You were shocked cause one wo to was this hot ass stranger and why was he so close. You went to yell at him and " hey babe if I knew you were going to get all filled up. I wouldn't have invited the gang and 'he leans I a little too close ' we could've went to my place for a study Date. He said gazing deep in your eyes and you knew exactly what he meant and it was for sure not studying. You pulled back half in shock cause you recognized his voice anywhere and damn you got lucky. You slapped Bajis chest ' hmph show me your friends dummy and walked away. Baji chuckling behind you , slyly gripping your hand. " Hey Draken the hot babes mine "
DRAKEN (kenny)
It was a comfy afternoon , the sky was gray and it was raining true peace. Well as peaceful as it gets in the red light district. You followed Draken all the way to his house and then hid when he got out. You walked around till you met the front desk clerksman and he recognized you. Though you didn't know how . He offered you some tea and led you to Drakens room. " I don't know when he'll be back and I'm not calling him so stay comfortable " he shut the door and left . You were in Drakens room your excitement trumping your guilt because you followed your boyfriend outta jealously. " It's so neat in here" you announce to yourself in a slight mischievous tone. Looking around cautiously you start to what any girl in her boyfriend would do . Look for evidence, not bad evidence but evidence. You had been strategically Looking and putting everything back in its place just in case he might get upset with you for Looking through his stuff. You did find a porn Magazine that showed you why he was dating you. You fit the body type of the page with white residue on it to a T . I mean her ass was a bit bigger but hey what's a girl to do. You had now moved on to store i.e. his closet . You opened and marveled at how many of those damn black and white jackets he has like damn Boi buy another color shit. You now completely forgotten you are trespassing cause your boyfriend doesn't know you are there. You start to strip and try on his clothes. Draken was making his way home it was still light outside and plus he needed to Chang into his toman uniform because Mikey wanted to meet up tonight. He was in the building heading up the elevators. Wondering why he hasn't heard from you all day. TF were you doing 😒, were you mad at him. He doesn't really know or care . He's just pissed you hadn't texted him all day. "I'm going to punish that brat next time I see her 😏" the elevator door opened and he stepped off with a pep in his step to change a little faster and head to your house and mess with you before the meeting. He walked up to the desk .
You had lost track of all time and now was getting ballsy. You half naked was about to put on his toman uniform. All your sanity is apparently out the Window cause you are giggle Loud as fuck. Your couldn't fit the pants but his jacket and boots fit nice and the way your ass looked hanging out the bottom of the jacket oof girl, you left it open revealing your bust just enough and you had your hair in a pony tail trying to mimick your boyfriends hair. ' I'm Draken and Mikey is my leader and son and if you wanna hurt him you gotta fight mee grrr"... you had your fist up and a very sad attempt of a bad ass face. You currently fake fighting and giggling like an idiot had no idea Draken had been watching you since you put your hair in the pony tail. (Stealthy bitch) you turn around doing a bad ass kick and scream and dive to his bed and cover yourself up. " WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE. YOU DIDN'T CALL OR TELL ME YOU WERE COMING " Draken laughed " Sweetcheeks this is my room' he approached the bed and ripped the covers off of you. You squirmed away from him till your head hit the wall. Giving Draken enough Time to place himself over you." Well hey there babe , you look pretty sexy in my uniform " his hand trailing up the side of your thigh. " I have 1 and 45 before the Toman meeting that's enough time to show you my bad ass skills huh sweetcheeks" you gasped .......... Draken was very late to the meeting that day and your brother was pissed when you went home the next day but shit that was the best sleep you ever had 😏😏😏😉🤷🏿‍♀️
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petite-ely · 3 years
Text
Afraid // JJ Maybank
Seven- Mommy Issues
Pairing: JJ Maybank x fem routledge! reader
Warnings: mommy issues, mother abandonment, anger, maybe some mistakes, tell me if I missed anything
Description: y/n has always wanted answers about her mother, but the truth seems more harsh than what she had in mind.
A/n : hello, hello friends. Sorry for not updating sooner. I had absolutely no inspiration, lol. Anyways, hope you enjoyyyy! :) (also I know the gif is terrible quality but I really wanted to put this clip and I couldn’t find any cleaner option to make a gif)
Previously
Afraid Masterlist
Song recommendation
Tumblr media
Gif made by me!
As a child, y/n never realized how her family was different than the others. A lot of kids on the cut had single parents, it wasn’t that big of a deal. Her mom had left when she was only three, to go pursue her dream job in Colorado. It wasn’t a bad thing in the girl’s eyes. It didn’t feel like she was missing out on anything.
As she blossomed into adolescence, y/n finally understood how unconventional her family was. She heard the other girls at her school talk about their mothers. About the cakes they made or the precious moments they spent together. Mother-daughter bonding moments. She had to admit it she felt jealous. Or maybe was it envious?
She had lived all her life without a mother to kiss her scraped knees or braid her hair before going to sleep. And she would have given anything to experience it, even for one single night.
It wasn’t that she didn’t love her brother or her father, far from it, she adored them. They were both so precious to her. Still, she felt as if something was missing from her. Or more like someone.
She didn’t remember her mother, she was so young at the time, but she cherished the stories her father had told her. She fed her imagination on these stories. Making up fake memories where her mother was still there. In her heart it was all real. Reality was bitter compared to the sweet comfort of her imagination.
By the time she was 12, she’d heard the famous story enough to know it by heart, each word of the letter engraved into her head. She begged her father again and again. She wanted more stories, even the smallest anecdotes, she wanted to hear them all. Anything to improve the sketch, constantly redrawn, of the woman she didn’t remember. The woman she couldn’t really call a mother.
She knew the story by heart and yet it felt incomplete. She’d heard enough fairytales and read enough books to know when a story was complete. This one wasn’t.
And she was right.
A week after the twins’s 13th birthday, their dad gathered them around the kitchen table. He wanted to talk. It was very important. Y/n had to admit, this was quite strange, as her father was never the one to bring up important issues. In front of him was placed an envelope, yellowed with the years.
The girl knew this envelope all too well. Every scratch, every little bump, she could almost feel them on the tip of her fingers. It was her mother’s letter. This time, when he pulled out the folded pages, a third paper came out. The missing part.
Big John didn’t say anything, only slid the pearl white sheet to the twins. And though no words came out of his mouth, a million could be seen in his gaze. He wore an unfamiliar expression on his face. It was mix of sadness, fear and regrets. It was the expression of a man who only wanted to protect his children from being hurt.
The missing paper read as so:
“This is my dream, John.
And I know you might think there’s a way for us to fix this, but there isn’t. This time you can’t fix it.
When I got pregnant with the kids, I was so scared. And when I told you, I saw this glimmer in your eyes. This flame suddenly being lit inside of you. You were so excited to have your first child and it was twins! You seemed so happy. It was beautiful.
Then I thought that maybe we could do this, maybe I could be a mother. I had you, so everything would be fine. My friends kept talking about this amazing connection that felt with their babies when they were carrying them. But I never felt it with the twins.
And I thought that maybe once I held them in my arms I would finally feel it. That motherly connection. It never came. And I tried, John. I tried so hard. But I just can’t.
I do love them, I love them so much, but not the way you do. Not the way a parent loves their child It can’t do it, I’m sorry. I wasn’t meant to be a mother. Life is cruel that way sometimes.
If there’s one thing I’m certain of, it’s that you were meant for this. I can see it in the way you look at them. You can do this, John. I know.
Be the parent I will never be able to be.”
Y/n’s curious eyes scanned the paper excitedly. Her face showed a variety of emotions in the span of a few minutes. First, excitement and joy, then, confusion and finally, anger. The tip of her ears burned red, her hand shaking beneath the table.
John B. placed the paper on the table, a loud sigh escaping his lips. Though, compared to his sister, he seemed relatively calm.
Y/n couldn’t contain it anymore. She stormed out of the house, her feet shoeless and her shoulders bare. She had no idea where she was going, but she ran.
It didn’t matter. As long as she was going somewhere. As long as she was moving and running, then she wouldn’t have to think. And if she was thinking, then her mind would take her to a bad place. She didn’t want to go there. So she ran.
The Routledges were never reputed to be angry people, much less violent. They were generally very calm, maybe a bit arrogant, but always composed. Of course, when a Routledge was after something, they would do anything in order to obtain it.
But y/n was one of the exception. She was the first Routledge woman in nearly 150 years. For generations, every Routledge man had sons, who had sons, who had sons until her father. He had a son and a daughter.
She wasn’t an angry person or mean in any way. On the contrary, she was kind and gentle. But compared to her brother and her dad, she felt emotions deeply.
And maybe it was her mother’s side and not the Routledge in her. It was so intense, sometimes. Almost blinding, at some moments. It was like the emotions took over her. It didn’t happen very often but it felt like she didn’t control her body anymore.
When she finally came back to her senses, y/n was standing on an empty beach. She hadn’t realized how far she’d gotten until she felt the warm sand under her feet. A cold breeze wrapped itself around her shoulders. She was so far from home. And so alone.
She walked to the ocean, letting her toes dip gently into the water. The water was cold but calming. Her anger slowly disappeared with each breath she took, until finally she could see everything clearly again.
Y/n turned away. She thought of going back home, when a wave of emotions hit her. She fell to the ground. It was like the air had been sucked out of her lungs.
Her chest burned, she felt like she had swallowed fire. Her shoulders shook and loud sobs escaped her lips. She dug her hands into the sand, trying to ground herself. It didn’t stop her tears from crashing onto her shirt.
A shadow appeared in front of her and she recognized its shape in a matter of seconds. It could only be one person.
“Are you hear to laugh at me?” She said through tears.
“No, not this time,” said John B. He sat down beside her, his eyes looking into hers. “Oh, y/n.” He wiped the tears off of her face
“I’m sorry,” she sniffled. “It’s just that, that,” he placed his arm around her shoulder, she took a deep breath. “Part of me always thought that she would come back.”
“That she’d come stay with us and finally be our mom. But she’s never coming back, ever,” her tone was almost accusing. “I lost so much time making up scenarios for her and she doesn’t even love us.”
“You know that’s not true,” reasoned John.
“Yeah, but it feels like it.”
“We don’t need her anyway,” stated the boy. “We’ve got dad, surfing, plenty of fish and well, each other. It’s not that bad is it?”
“No, you’re right.” She looked at him. “I just feel like I’m missing out on something. Like I’m,” she paused, looking for the right word, “incomplete.”
“I get it. If the roles were reversed and dad wasn’t there, I guess I would feel that way too,” confided her brother. “But don’t give her this much power. She doesn’t get to make you feel this way. You’re whole on your own, y/n/n.”
“Thank you, bird.” She slid her arm around his shoulder, letting her head rest on top of it. “You know, you can be an amazing brother sometimes.”
“Sometimes?”
“Yeah, sometimes.”
“Hey, bird?” “Yeah?”
“How did you find me, anyway?”
“You always come here when you wanna be dramatic.”
“I do not!”
“You so do!”
And slowly, the imaginary memories fell apart and disappeared. Y/n didn’t need them anymore. She’d be better in the real world.
Taglist
@kaelyn-lobrutto24 @poguestyle17 @im-a-stranger-thing @lasnaro @thoughtsofthestars @briandaflores19 @lunaposey @allycat449-blog @ifilwtmfc @kitty084 @coloradogirl07 @ponyboys-sunsets @chaoticbisous @p0gue420 @sloaneemily @babygal-babygal @itsagurl @mendesmaybank
If you wanna be added or removed or if I forgot you, tell me and it’ll be modified!
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organic-guacamole · 3 years
Text
episode 209 spoilers below
I'm so late today but here it is
I love EJ, he's finally learning to be happy. I'm so proud.
Ms Jenn = every boomer during zoom calls, like jeez yes we can hear you stop shouting at me.
LOVE THE SUBTLE JOKE ABOUT QUARANTINE "these dark times" "you mean spring break?"
ah yes, remember when we thought covid was just gonna give us a longer spring break? good times
SEBLOS
damn the passive aggressiveness from Carlos and the absolutely over it tone from seb✋
CASWELL COUSINS!!!!! THEY'RE THE BEST!!!!
we needed more if this kind of goofiness for the first part of season 2 that only such an iconic duo can provide.
old old movies-
is it even that old, or is Nini being a gen alpha rn-
i choose to imagine EJ being scared of the movie and hiding in Ashlyn's shoulder while she keeps a straight face and then EJ pretending to be tough afterwards
aww redlyn are soulmates.... yknow, if gingers had souls
(please ignore me)
y'all saw how EJ's face *lit up* when Gina logged on? how dare you tell me he doesn't like her
ofc she's no damsel in distress, she's Gina porter, she's amazing.
so do we think she'd be the type to just glare at suspicious people? or bark at them
do they not know that Rini broke up? or is Ms Jenn just wanting Nini to suffer through her heartbreak to make her a better actress....
speaking of, why is Nini in the call? she's not in the show anymore. Unless she is, even after the rose and the song got cut, which would be so unfair to all those that auditioned properly before she even came back but whatever, she's the main character I get it 🙄
big red is a hero honestly, Nini better thank him for changing the subject like that
I can't-
i won't work you over the break-
this woman would 100% work her kids 24/7 if it was legal and idk how to feel about it.
YES GINA USE THAT CHARM
QUEEN
FRENCH QUEEN
SHE LEARNT FROM THE BEST (antoine obvi)
smh the airport lady, eavesdropping on Gina's call.
The way she was so happy to answer EJ's call, "eej"
I love them your honour.
EJ WITH PAINTED NAILS YES PLEASE
great now we need to see Gina, Ashlyn and EJ having a complete spa day and EJ getting really into it and Gina and Ashlyn take pictures of him when he's laying down in a robe with a mask and cucumbers on his eyes.
finally we get to see Gina's side of portwell
the way she considered it as flirting, this is the sign she asked for in episode 6 come onnnnn
no is Asher/jack really doing tiktok dances in an airport-
Ricky is me. I am burrito.
oh Lynne, sweetie, I'm sorry but the blonde hair is not it
is that even the same lady or-
THE BEAN
THE CHICAGO BEAN
THE BIG OLD METAL BEAN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CITY 😭
jetlag is my go to excuse for anything... I haven't travelled in 2 years.
"welcome to the Lynne and Mike gossip show. where we talk about our depressed son that we both neglect in certain ways! And now a word from our sponsor, Nord VPN..."
SO MANY CANDLES
WHAT DEMON IS LYNNE TRYING TO SUMMON IN HIS ROOM-
is Nina becoming social media obsessed EJ from season 1? AND SHE LIED ABOUT HAVING SONGS TOO PLEASE WHY ARW THEY RECYCLING THE SAME PLOT-
Gina smiling at the picture of her family on Instagram makes me so happy, idek why.
EJ's nails are so pretty, we needed to see it more (unless he had it on for the rest of the episode and I just.... didn't notice🧍🏽‍♀️)
oh not the tiktok kid✋
yes ma'am end this strange mans whole tiktok career
sir take a hint and leave
GINA NO DONT SAY YOUR LAST NAME HE COULD BE A HUMAN TRAFFICKER
Ricky, walking in style✨
weird kid, ok then Lynne, can't you see he's this close to the edge?
not all your fault baby Ricky, Nini sucks a bit more
RICKY YOU DIDN'T COME DOWN HARD ON THE SONG-
YOU ASKED WHAT IT WAS ABOUT AND SHE SHUT YOU DOWN-
PLEASE DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF
ok but the deleting comment thing was very bad
still don't know if I like Jack honestly
hmmm so Nini's calling herself Nini instead of Nina in her little egg seat, while trying to write a song without inspiration.... Nini, honey, Ricky was your muse, he inspired you to write all those songs, even if it wasn't good for the relationship.
that doesn't mean you gotta get back with him, or that you can't write a song that not about him butttt it'll take some time
the rainbow sticker in her box and her rainbow shirt-
anyways wbk she's not totally straight
Jack are you a criminal?
quick, Gina, check his ankle for a tracker
THE YES AND PRACTICE STRIKES AGAIN
the way Gina wasn't into it in episode 6 but she's used the technique twice now
stole her grandma's Pomeranian-
Jack where the hell did you pull that out from-
the fake crying killed me, that looks like so much fun though
anyone wanna raid a first class lounge with me?
wait so is jack not gonna go in with her?
wouldn't he go in too? help look for the credit card? SO CONFUSED
the first class lounge guy was so into the drama though, watch his face when they start arguing 😭
sorry to break this to you Kourtney, but you haven't even blocked the second act yet soooo...
take that as you will
I love how all of them are totally dissing the dance off
that's the most realistic part of this show tbh
shouldn't Nini have asked how she knew....since the start? why is the fact that her best friend has knowledge of a North high secret now dawning on her...
Howie is sweet honestly, at least he's trying to help. but I stand with Kourtney, don't take him back just because he sang an amazing song, and is giving you a heads up on what's gonna happen...
KOURTNEY IS ME TRYING TO LEAVE AN ONLINE CLASS
I hate school
ooo Nini's writing a song about bad internet connection 🤩🤩🤩
I never lie, except when I do-
son that is the creepiest thing you could say to a stranger that you've been "helping"
2 truths and a lie👀
he's an Ariana fan 100%
called it.
OLDER BROTHER-
WHAT-
free spirit? damn so brother porter was in that horse movie
so has she been kissed or not?????????
I feel like she's moved more than 15 times though so possibly
but then if she's moved so much, and before east high she never opened up to anyone, she's never been kissed then?? damn
same though Gina so let's be besties please
heartbreak president is a great song title idea, give Nini a call rn
but wait
is the no strings attached feeling thing about her telling Ricky she liked him? she thought she was moving away so she thought it'd be no strings attached???
guys I think I figured it out insert the "I've connected two dots" meme
THE DUKE SWEATSHIRT
IS THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND'S
OMG I LOVE I LOVE
NOT THAT I KNOW OF???
ma'am did you just kill me
yes you did
Lynne and Ricky have such a weird relationship
YES IT DID SUCK
TODD SUCKS
LYNNE SUCKS
yeah I get that you wanted Ricky to like Todd BUT THAT WASN'T THE TIME
right so we already know that Ricky was so desperate to keep Nini cuz he didn't want to be like his parents, and now Lynne's talking about this-
Richard needs a long hug
yes Lynne, it is your fault. thank you for finally admitting it.
YES DYE YOUR HAIR
BLOND HIGHLIGHTS RICKY WILL RISE AGAIN
"sometimes the best, last thing you can do for someone you love, is let them go."
gotta admit I teared up at that point
not me thinking big red was calling ms Jenn cupcake for a hot second-
Carlos please omg, you're at the "beach" and they're leaving for the pool?
also, why not just do the call from the hotel room please omg
"don't ask me"
"Carlos"
OMG WHAT HAPPENED
big red wants the tea
O M G
SEB IS JEALOUS
JEALOUS SEBBY IS MY FAVOURITE THING IDC
I'm surprised ms Jenn knew how to give Nini permission to screenshare tbh
So lily's been stalking the East high kids and spending time editing this video while she's supposedly in an immersion trip.... right
EJ and Ashlyn's picture is so chaotic, what even is happening there
"slacking off" bestie its spring break, obviously they're confident enough that they'll get it done in time so why not focus on your own musical.
jealous seb = sassy seb
please what if those guys Carlos is posing with are his cousins or something and that's why he's so confused about Seb
6 YEAR OLD EJ I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM
Nini saying she's obsessed with her ex, that's not weird at all 👍
I can just tell Matt had a blast harassing Julia with those puppets.
Jack please dont be like that, "yet"
chances are you'll never see eachother again 🥰
(honestly sometimes I really miss those friends I made on trips and stuff when we'd spend the day or week together, only to never see them again....those were the good days though)
Ashlyn and Nini should write more songs..... something better than this one at least
Nini: "im good"
cue the Tia Mowry (please I can't spell) crying gif
oh I forgot Ricky was in the show for a hot second
1. where did Gina get to film this without people being around
2. did she just... randomly change her clothes???
ok but the transition between Carlos and EJ
*chefs kiss*
now everyone shut up, EJ's singing
oh i think I'm pregnant
HIS MUSCLES
YES KOURTNEY
I love how big red and Kourtney went from being "the best friends™" to the couple in season 1, to kinda close themselves and having their own plots
sebby makes me so happy
props to biggies editing skills honestly
PORTWELL BEING SIDE TO SIDE I CANT
AND SEBLOS OMG
big red lives for the drama
"wow" so true Ricky
no he is not cute, stop it
"holding" ok that's kinda cute
yeah EJ's a lucky guy😌
jokes aside, it's not that hard to exchange numbers-
keep in touch if you want
ok I really like Jack now
if he comes back in season 3, maybe have him be LGBTQ+ ?
like the only out characters they have rn are Seb and Carlos and they're like the sterotypes, yk?
I'd love to see jack kinda break the mold
Ricky's breaking my heart
that song just hurts
the only thing
now I don't hate Lynne????????
HOW DARE THEY WRITE IN A PROPER REDEMPTION ARC FOR HER
UGH IM SUPPOSED TO HATE HER FOREVER
I mean I don't live her now but she's good
but honestly
"mom can I show you something"
IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL
THE PICTURE AND EVERYTHING OMG
I'm sobbing please help
Gina saying she's just waiting for the right guy and then EJ coming to the airport to pick her up late at night without her asking, offering to bring her back in the morning so she won't have to Uber, bringing her a granola bar (WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT SHE FORGOT TO PACK) and without expecting anything in return???
ms ma'am you've got a keeper right there
her smile at the end was so heartwarming I really can't.
this episode was great.
it felt really short but I liked it, great character development for Ricky, Lynne and Gina.
Cant wait for next episode to see more of EJ being the ideal boyfriend /hj
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missmorosis · 3 years
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here’s our bus route map for my bus ride! (masterlist!)
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here’s the original event post :)
HI EVERYONE!! i just wanted to thank you all for your participation BECAUSE AAAAAA YOU GUYS DELIVERED AND UGH I WAS LITERALLY SO WORRIED NOBODY WAS GONNA WRITE ANYTHING BUTSJFLKFASDF
ALL OF YOU ARE SO TALENTED OKAY??? LIKE BYE I WAS BLOWN AWAY
I WAS SO EXCITED FOR THIS EVENT HEHEHE I LOVE ALL OF YOU SO SO MUCH!! AND THE FACT THAT YOU SPENT TIME ON THIS EVENT 😭😭MWAH MWAHH
THANK YOU AGAIN FOR 400!! MUCH LOVE AND HUGS AND KISSES :D
ALSO SORRY AHHA THIS WAS POSTED SO LATE
WE IGNORE HOW IT’S PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO GET FROM LA TO LONDON VIA BUS JKDFJKFJK
here’s how i formatted it!
title- author’s @!
pairing genre warnings word count their summary that they made
-> my review!
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let’s take a look at our map...
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starting from LA, heading to bilbao! we’ll stop along the bus stops on our way! 
and yes im aware that the route is going in a weird, illogical way if bilbao is our last stop, shush i wasnt thinking when i made bilbao our last city KJDFJKS
masterlist under the cut!!
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now arriving at... los angeles, California!
-> write an AU!! the AU can be literally anything: royalty AU? road trip AU? GO FOR IT!! just as long as it’s not in the canon era hehehe
first stop... “something only the stars know” - @luvoratomi​ 
pairing: suna rintarou x gn!reader genre: secret relationship au, royal au, crown prince!suna, knight!reader, established relationship, fluff, angst  word count: 544 their summary: in which you and crown prince, suna rintarou, find comfort in each other’s arms underneath the moonlight, where only the stars are witnesses of your love.
-> my review: um. nayru. OKAY IM CONSTANTLY BLOWN AWAY BY YOUR TALENT AND THIS IS NO EXCEPTION. i dont even KNOW who rintarou is but im in love with him. ALSO I DONT THINK IVE EVER READ A ROYAL AU BUT KLASDFJ THIS WAS SO?? WELL?? WRITTEN?? ive reread it at LEAST 5 times.   
next stop... an untitled zombie au from @eunoianthia
pairing: yamaguchi tadashi x female!reader genre: zombie au, angst :) warnings: a lot of angst, death, a bit of gore? word count: 1.1k their summary: going to Los Angeles was a dream, and you were finally achieving it. It’s like a dream come true, going to Los Angeles and your boyfriend tagging along? What could go wrong?
-> my review: OKAY WAIT THIS IS THE FIRST ZOMBIE AU IVE EVER READ. like EVER. AND WHAT I DIDNT EXPECT IT TO HURT THIS MUCH. i- the ending- PLEASE I- i dont even know what to say. how COULD YOU.
now arriving at... 3:38 am from @arquitecturadelanada​​
pairing: zuko x fem!reader genre: roommates au, i would say fluff! warnings: none! word count: 1.1k their summary: As sokka’s best man zuko has to write a heartfelt speech for the wedding day, the only issue? he doesn’t believe in love, but maybe his roommate can change his perception on the matter.
-> my review: so youre saying this whole time youve been supporting my writing when YOU WRITE BETTER THAN I DO?? ugh you’re so talented this isn’t funny, and this fic ALMOST MAKES ME WANT TO BECOME AN ATLA BLOG AGAIN BAHHA- “he noticed he was considerably less stressed just by hearing his roommate’s voice” IM GONNA CRY​​
last stop... “what are the odds” from @hikariakaashi​ 
pairing: kuroo x fem!reader genre: roommates au, i would say fluff! warnings: none! word count: 3.2k their summary: it was an act of desperation, to say the least, downloading the app lev recommended for him. but he was in dire need of a wedding date. so when kuroo opened up the brightly colored app titled rent a girlfriend, he knew he was in for an interesting evening.
-> my review: so uh 1) i remember writing a review for this and i have no idea where it went IM SO SORRY DSKJFJ and 2) i would do anything for kuroo to be my bf even if it was just my job 😩😩 and 3) um ??? YOURE SO TALENTED?? MISS MA’AM??
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now arriving at... london, england!
-> breakup fic time </3 you can make it an angsty breakup, or a fluffy exes to lovers!
first stop... “i love(d) you”- @floralkawa​
pairing: tsukishima x reader! genre: angst! warnings: none! word count: 300 their summary: one where tsukishima never showed his love. making it onesided, leading poor f/n on in a bitter relationship. of course, no one can handle it forever, can they ?
-> my review: this is the reason why i dont like angst. i felt this IN MY HEART, OKAY? NOELLE YOU LIED & SAID YOU COULDN’T WRITE FEELINGS. i hate it I HATE IT I HATE IT. but ugh youre talented enough to pull anything off and your angst is PROBABLY the only ones ill read willingly :( 
next stop... “i should have seen the signs”- @kirishimas-manly-eyeliner
pairing: oikawa x reader! genre: angst! warnings: none! word count: 2k their summary: going to the city of love and london was supposed to be an exhilarating vacation after a long week of exams. as it seems, love is fake and so is toru oikawa.
-> my review: um. this kinda hurted me tho. how am i even allowed to be friends with you like ?? miss ma’am? YOURE SO TALENTED??? i hate angst and ill say it again: I HATE ANGST. IT HURTS IT HUUUURRTSS. OIKAWA MY BABY WOULD NEVER DO THAT BUT HE DID. I CANSTEALK I CANT DEAL WITH THIS 
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now arriving at... berlin, germany!
first stop... “Spring Chills”- @wesokkasimp
pairing: oikawa x reader! genre: fluff! warnings: none! word count: 447 their summary: you and Oikawa go for a walk on a chilly spring day. beware: banter ahead
-> my review: 😐😑😐 my heart wasn’t prepared for this. AND!! I BET Y/N LOOKED GREAT IN THAT TANK TOP; OIKAWA BETTER HAVE GIVEN HIS JACKET TO HER AFTERWARDS. jacket + tank top = cute outfit smh
next up... “warm and fuzzy”- @oikawaplssteponme​
pairing: kuroo x reader! genre:  fluff, a hint of angst, childhood friends to lovers, ‘boy next door’ warnings: one swear word, kuroo calls the reader ‘pretty’ however no gender pronouns are used, mini make out word count: 1.4k their summary: n/a but a quote: "The lights in your room were dim. Their golden-yellow tone shone above you, though you paid little attention to what was going on inside your room. You were much more interested in what was happening outside.”
-> my review: wait this actually reminds me of me and my front door neighbor GOODBYE AKLSJDF I MISS HIM :( ANYWAYS BAHHAHA- see you never miss 😐 i think awkward tetsu is underrated BYEALKSF THIS WAS SO CUTE I CANTASEKL
last stop... “ice cold”- @kyotarou​
pairing: tsukishima x reader genre:  fluff! warnings: bit of fanon tsukki, mutual pining, smidge of angst, fluff word count: 700+ their summary: n/a but a quote: “Asshole was the best word to describe Tsukishima Kei. He was an asshole to his peers, and it didn’t change towards you, his best friend.”
-> my review: mY TSUKISHIMA HEART OMG- okay OKAY I THOUGHT I GREW OUT OF MY LOVE FOR HIM BUT ITS ALL COMING BACK ASLKJFDL- oh to share a jacket and be vulnerable with tsukishima ✋😩 once again bestie youre so talented it isnt funny
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now arriving at... bilbao, spain!
our only stop in this city... "break-in”- @kohi-zeri​​
pairing: iwazumi x reader! genre:  fluff!! warnings: mentions of food and common illnesses, use of “darling” and “brat” word count: 1.4k their summary: n/a but a quote: “there’s something so… infuriating about having a migraine. especially when it’s uncalled for.”
-> my review: i cant express to you how much i love sickfics. like JLSDFLJKFSALJ SADFL I CANT- ALSO I READ THIS FOR THE FIRST TIME WHEN I HAD THE WORST HEADACHE SO WHENEVER MY HEAD HURTS I COME REREAD THIS BAHAHHA-
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here’s what some of our passengers are saying...
one passenger says “Wait. Stand right there, I want to take a picture of you.”
“pretty petals, pretty pictures”- @shxyo-sho​​​
pairing: iwazumi x reader! genre: fluff, mutual pining, just two best friends crushing on each other warnings: none! word count: 590 their summary: If you could describe your best friend, Kiyoko, in one word; what would it be? I would pick the word, flawless.
-> my review: repeat after me: kiyoko is a queen. and YOU DO HER JUSTICE I ASFDLKJ PLEASE- in all honesty i would be blushing if kiyoko said a word to me too- y/n you arent alone ✋😩
another passenger asks “Why aren’t you asleep?”
"night owl”- @atlabeth​​​​
pairing: sokka x reader! genre: fluff! warnings: stress over school and one (1) curse, but other than that it’s pure fluff word count: 907 their summary: If you could describe your best friend, Kiyoko, in one word; what would it be? I would pick the word, flawless.
-> my review: alright this isnt fair where is my irl sokka 😐 YOURE BRINGING ME BACK INTO MY ATLA DAYSDF LKSJA- not complaining tho I LOVE SOKKA SO MUCH. and “But for a “fairly smart person”, you made a lot of bad decisions.” THATS TOO RELATABLE STOP IT RIGHT NOW SFKDJK
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HEHEHEHEH THANK YOU AGAIN!! SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG GOOD BYE
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duxhess-kryzewan · 3 years
Note
obi wan gets caught in a lie? can be as heavy/light as you want
A/n: hello!! im so sorry for the sudden disappearanc, but im back and will hopefully be posting regularly again!! (also, i didnt quite know how to write a scenario with him lying to satine, so hopefully this stays as true to the characters as possible)
- White Lies - 
Satine had spent a large portion of her youth biting her nails.
She knew it was a nasty habit. Aside from it being unsanitary, it was beyond improper for a lady - especially one of nobility - to do so. It was only during her time on the run with Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan that she managed to stop. Partly because she was so distracted by her concern for her people, and partly because trekking through the wilderness of various planets tended to get her hands dirty.
Yet here she stood, in the middle of her Coruscant apartment, chewing absentmindedly on her nails, not caring in the slightest that years of work to break the habit had all been for nothing.
She had been on the planet for two days now, both of them consumed with Senate proposals and a barrage of questions for the neutral systems, most of which were nothing more than ploys to side with the republic. Even in the face of aggressive senators though, Satine had held her ground. While she may be a pacifist, she was still a Mandalorian, and a Mandalorian never backed down from a fight. She was no exception. There wasn't much that shook her these days.
Except, perhaps, the absence of Obi-Wan.
He had promised her he'd be there before the sun set, but the city had been shrouded in darkness for hours now and he was no where to be found. She only commed him twice - not wanting to come off as overbearing - but it was beyond unusual for him not to follow through with his word.
So she commed Padme, the only person who wouldn't question her, and asked if she had seen or heard from him.
"I haven't," The younger woman said, "Anakin hasn't came home yet for me to ask him. If I hear from either of them I'll be sure to let you know."
"Thank you." Satine said before ending the transmission.
So she paced, chewing on her nails and trying her best not to think of the worst possible scenario. He was a Jedi, she rationalized, even if something did happen he was more than capable of taking care of himself.
It didn't help ease her mind.
So when the familiar beeping of a keypad and sound of her door opening sounded through the apartment she couldn't have been more relieved.
She rushed to meet him, barely giving him enough time to shut the door before she threw her arms around his shoulders.
He cradled her against him in response, his hands winding around her tiny frame. She didn't need to be in tune with the force to feel the exhaustion radiating off of him. Yes, something had certainly happened, and it had drained him.
"Are you alright?" Satine asks, pulling away just enough to scan her eyes over him, searching for any kind of wound or otherwise out of place detail.
"I'm fine," He says, reaching out and tucking a bit of stray hair behind her ear, "It's been a challenging day. The council was relentlessly questioning Anakin and I about the events of our most recent mission and then I got tied up with him at Padme's."
Her blood suddenly runs cold, her body all but frozen in his grasp and it took her a moment to truly process what he had just told her.
She pulls away from his grasp and takes a step back, "You weren't at Padme's."
Obi-Wan pauses, mouth slightly agape, a mouthful of words he was planning on saying frozen on the tip of his tongue. If she looked hard enough she's sure she could see them dancing around, begging to be spoken out into the world.
"I commed over there Obi-Wan," She says, "You weren't at Padme's."
He already knew that, of course. His eyes always betrayed him. Not that he was keeping up the charade; he knew he had been caught. There was no point in pretending now.  
"You lied to me," Satine says, not bothering to hide the hurt and confusion in her voice, "Why would you..."
She trails off, unable to bring herself to finish the question. Obi-Wan didn't lie to her. Not ever. Faking his death aside, he had never been anything less than honest with her.
"Satine I..." He too is at a loss for words, eyes wide and full of something unfamiliar. Fear, perhaps? Worry about what the consequences of his falsehood? It makes her feel sick either way.
"Where were you?"
"Please Satine, I promise you, it wasn't anything you need worry about. You know that I would never-" He paused, suddenly unable to finish his statement.
Cheat on her? Yes, she was fairly confident that would never happen. Even in light of his lie she knows without a doubt that was a line that would never be crossed.
"No, you wouldn't." She grants, "But I also thought you would never lie to me. I thought we were honest with one another despite the consequences."
His eyes fill with sadness; a mirage of guilt that she's never seen before and if her heart wasn't already hurting she's sure it would have broken for him all the more.
"I- of course. You're right. I should have never..." He sucks in a shaky breath, "There was an incident. Two really. Bail Organa and Lothals senator were attacked by separatist assassins. They were working on your neutral systems proposal when it happened. It's suspected they wanted to sabotage your place with the Senate. I didn't want to worry you. That's all, I swear it."
Dizziness washes over her. Of course she was always at risk for an attack on her and her beliefs, and of course Obi-Wan tries to shelter her from the horrors of the galaxy despite the fact that she's keenly aware of the atrocities transpiring around her.
"Obi-Wan.."
"That's all it was Satine, I swear. I didn't want to upset you with the news."
"All the same, you lied to me. And you made it look easy Obi-Wan, like it was nothing to you."
He closes his eyes, her words hitting him like a slap in the face and its almost too much for her to bare. As if her words physically stunned him.
"I have to be a good liar, you know that. I lie to the council every time they question the nature of our relationship. I lie to them, but not to you." His voice was steady, more assured than it had been before.
"But you just did."
She wants to stop; wants so badly to calm down and forget about this, but she can't bring herself to do it. Not when it felt like her trust had been violated. There were too many people in her life - valued friends and allies - who had deceived her in the past. Her trust had began wavering amongst the people who crossed her path, but never in Obi-Wan.
He can't look at her and it both breaks her heart and infuriates her more.
"You're right," He says, "And I'm sorry. You've always had that confidence in me and I broke that trust."
"You've never lied to me before," She says, "And it matters that you did it so well, how can I-" She swallows the sudden threat of a sob, "How can I know that this was the only time?"
The words come clawing their way out of her mouth and it stung more than she could have imagined. And maybe she was being unfair; maybe he hadn't thought about how much weight such a simple lie would carry, but it hurt her in places she didn't recognize.
"You know me Satine, you know I would never lie to you about something that really mattered."​ He counters, voice laced with a twinge of frustration.
Her eyes narrow, "And what matters and what doesn't?"
They hadn't fought in months; never fought like this at all. It wasn't unusual for a snide comment to be thrown out here or there, and they certain had their fair share of disagreements, but this? This was something entirely new and she didn't know what to do with it.
"I don't know what you want me to say other than I'm sorry."
She felt dizzy. Trust was something that she valued more than anything. Obi-Wan was the last person she ever thought would betray that. Regardless of the severity of his lie, it stung more than she could have imagined.
She grabs her cloak without a second thought.
"I'm going," She states, "I need to get out for a bit."
He suddenly looks panicked, and for a moment she actually reconsiders leaving, but she knows ultimately its better for her to go calm herself down before she truly said something she didn't mean.  
​"Satine, please."
She sighs, "I'm coming back, Obi-Wan. I need to go clear my head."
"Where are you going?"
"Padme's. Back to Mandalore early perhaps."
His eyes grow sadder when she mentions the latter, "Satine…"
She's out the door before he can finish his protest.
---
The streets of Coruscant were becoming more and more familiar to her with every visit, though she would hesitate to really claim she knew her way around anywhere aside from the heart of the city. Regardless of that fact, she wandered the streets without much care.
Instinctively she wrapped her arms around herself, pressing tightly against her rib cage. It felt like her bones were about to crack open, her heart having experienced too many emotions in such a short period of time. From worry to hurt to anger. It was all too much.
She had been deceived and lied too more times than she could count. But Obi-Wan, her shining Jedi Knight, never had. Not until now.
She stops abruptly, her thoughts suddenly hitting her full force once more with his lie. It hurts her. Frightens her, even, the way her anger had crept into her mind and overtook all rational thinking.
Why would he lie to her? Why would he do the one thing he knew would break her heart more than anything else?
Because he protects you from what he thinks you shouldn't have to see.
Satine frowns, trying to shove the thought out of her mind. But it was useless. She knew it was the truth, that he had always done his best to shield her from dangers and horrors alike. In his mind, she had seen enough wicked things in her youth and endured more attempts on her life than she should have had too. Obi-Wan had always been trying, whether she realized it or not, to keep her from baring more weight.
But the question lingers in the back of her mind; had he lied to her before?
You know he hasn't, She thinks, The look in his eyes when you even suggested it was all the proof you needed.
Another ache soars through her chest. She trusted him. And when she really digs deep down in herself, she knows that she still does. Obi-Wan Kenobi is still the person she trusts most.
So why didn't the pain in her chest fade? She wasn't angry anymore, not really. The cool night air and desolate streets provided release from whatever vexations and grief burrowed within her, and yet something dismal still gnawed at her.
Then the realization hit her.
Obi-Wans absence was the source of her heartache.
She had fled, a momentary lapse in judgement in an effort to calm down, and left him standing in the wreckage of their little time together. They would have to part ways in two days time, and she had effectively cut that even shorter.
She turns around without a second thought.
--
When she steps through the door she finds him in the same spot she left him in, perched on the floor with his eyes closed, legs crossed in the all too familiar pose of meditation. It didn't surprise her. He often did so to sort out his feelings.
The sound of the door didn't cause him to move, nor did the sound of her footsteps coming towards him. He only opened his eyes when she crouched down onto the floor and all but threw herself against him.
He instinctively envelopes her in a hug, cradling her in his arms as they sat on the floor.
"I'm sorry," Satine says, nuzzling her nose against the side of his head, "I'm sorry."
"You have nothing to be sorry for," He murmurs, "I should have just told you from the start. I'm sorry to have deceived you."
She feels guilty all over again. Obi-Wan carried often carried the weight of the galaxy on his shoulders. The last thing she wanted was to add to that.
"No, I-" She drops her cheek against the top of his head and tightens her hold on him, "I shouldn't have reacted the way I did. It was unfair of me. I shouldn't have gotten upset and I certainly shouldn't have walked out. It was wrong on my part."
She often wonders what life would be like if they weren't so tied to their duties. If she weren't born a duchess and he not born a Jedi. If they were simply Ben and Satine, a couple tucked away in a quiet corner of the Galaxy. Would they have fights like this? Or would they bicker over mundane things? Certainly their quarrels would never be as a result of governing bodies or separatists attacks. It would be nice, she thinks, to be so carefree when they were together.
"I've never lied to you before." He tells her, gripping her hand in his own.
"I know you haven't."
"I won't do it again."
"I know."
"Do you forgive me?"
She pulls away from him, worming her way out from his arms enough to look him in the eyes.
"There's nothing to forgive my dear."
Her hands come up to cradle his face, thumbs brushing over his auburn stubble.
"I need you to say it," He tells her, covering her hand with one of his own, "For my own peace of mind."
She smiles softly, "I forgive you."
Wouldn’t she always?
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burnedbyshoto · 4 years
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reincarnation
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— Five chances to fall in love. Five reincarnations to find the person you’re destined to be with. It just so happens that in each life you keep meeting a man with brown hair and a sweet involvement of primroses —
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pairing: kaibara sen x fem!reader
warnings: soulmate au!, reincarnation au!, royalty au!, fake dating au!, college au!, villain!kaibara au!, fluff, angst, cursing, alcohol consumption
word count: 11,820
a/n: this is for the bnharem flower server collab!!!! check out the masterlist here, its pretty dope as fuck!!!! also I know dat none yall know who he is because we sleep on class 1-b, but i worked so hard on this and I wrote it in a single day, and its 4 am rn and im exhausted so pretty please help a girl out and just read it ;-; I also tried out a new... voice??? idk how to even explain dis, but yes huzzah!!!! kaibara sen rights!!!!
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The world is a fantastic place.
And to my beautiful reader, know that this is a world where soulmates exist. A world where someone is created flawlessly for you is someone who holds you to the highest symbol, who carries you through the most significant highs and lowest lows without a whine or grievance. 
A soulmate is destined to be yours, but sadly they are hidden within the world. 
My dearest reader, you only have five chances to figure out who your soulmate is. Five reincarnations to figure out who the one who is meant for you. Lucky for most humans, soulmates are found within the first two reincarnation cycles but heed this warning.
At the end of you and your soulmates twenty-first year, you must find each other and fall in love. Should you fail to find and love your soulmate, you’re put into another reincarnation to try again. Each attempt is marked on your wrist, a Roman numeral to indicate whether you have succeeded or failed. You will carry the rest of that reincarnation unable to ever see your soulmate ever again, but when the tattoo changes colors, you know the person you love is the one for you.
Good luck, my dearest reader, this is a challenging journey, but I know that you will do well.
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“It’s been a while since I’ve seen someone on their first reincarnation!”
Your eyes looked up to the handmaiden, who was currently helping you dress for the ball tonight. You were to wear a heavy dress of silks and satin sitting prettily on your body, the detail exquisite, the meaning behind each embroidered flower astonishing. 
You knew that the importance of your appearance was paramount as the daughter of a duke and duchess. You could very much be a future Queen consort considering that the royal families were dried of ladies. This was to be a ball in your name, a moment for courting, and arrangements to be made. 
At the age of eighteen, it was much later than other people would have expected it to be, after all, most balls such as these were to be done in the sixteenth year, definitely not the eighteenth. Two years truly made a difference.
But to your parent’s advantage, it would mean that by tonight you would most likely be engaged to some man you had been educated on years before. 
Glancing down at the small Roman Numeral I on your wrist, you smiled, nodding your head. Around this area of the world, most people already seemed to be on their second and third reincarnation. For all that was good, your parents themselves were on their third and second reincarnation. They weren’t soulmates but figured a life of leisure and power was better than a life of love since they had more chances.
“I know that I am the only one on my first reincarnation cycle around here,” you sighed, your manicured finger tracing the innard of your wrist. The red ink was strong against your skin, so strongly procuring against your skin, a statement of your isolation from your soulmate. 
Long ago, you had learned about soulmates, you remembered the warm light that held you in your earliest memories that explained the concept, and you further learned more as you grew. A near 75% of the population encountered and fell in love with their soulmate on their first reincarnation. Of course, once you fell in love and lived happily ever after, that was it for you, or so that’s what everyone claimed as there had been no true love gold ink gracing anyone’s wrists on their second or so on reincarnation. 
You were a bit of a romantic, keening in the thought of having someone perfect for you. Inexplicably yours, impossibly perfect for you.
You often wondered if you had already met your soulmate, but the barring symbol of no one else having a roman numeral one on their wrists made you realize it was no one you already knew.
“Mrs. Lane?” you spoke, your fingers twisting into the silk undergarments you wore.
Your hair was done already, the makeup sitting beautifully on your skin. But there was an undeniable fear in your eyes when you brushed over the mirror before you. 
“Yes, Your Grace?”
“Have you met your soulmate already?” you asked, your stomach twisting in the thought of what may happen tonight. Could you really handle maybe passing a handsome gentleman or a beautiful woman with a Roman numeral one on their wrist and resist not immediately believing it was your soulmate?
“I have,” she nodded, exposing her slender wrist to you, the gold Roman Numeral II shining beautifully in your gaze. “He works in the palace, actually. Why do you ask, Your Grace?”
A soft smile graced your face at the sight of the golden ink. For too long, you had only seen it within your literature. Never once having been exposed to it in your world that was heavily plagued with those who cared more about politics than love. 
“It just occurred to me that I had never once asked if you had,” you smiled, your fingers letting go of your tightly held undergarments. “But let us carry on, my guests should be expecting me soon.”
~
Balls were glamorous and needless to say, quite fun.
The music was lively, the food was exquisite, and the people were merry and handsome as they danced around the floor. Most balls you attend always leave you rosy-cheeked with both alcohol in your blood and from the rounds of dancing you would participate in, but tonight was different. 
Your cheeks were rosy with exhaustion, hours of being twirled along the dancefloor, terribly bleak conversations going on between you and a hopeful courter, and the refusal of alcohol from your parent’s behalf. They wouldn’t have you messing up their only chance of seeing you married to the Prince, who was duller than a rock. 
Your feet hurt with the unforgiving throb of the tight heels you had to wear, and in this moment of peace, you wanted to cry when you watched two men come to approach the table where you sat between your parents.
“Your Grace,” the older man bowed lowly, his most likely son bowing as well.
“Duke Kaibara, what do we owe this pleasure?” your father spoke clearly and eloquently, the smile on his face charming, but you knew better. 
He didn’t want a marriage of equal status — especially not when the Kaibara family was known for their war abilities, which were meaningless in a time of peace.
“My son wishes to have a dance with your own daughter,” Duke Kaibara spoke with a transparent lie painted on his face.
Attempting not to scoff, you glanced over at the man who stood beside the Duke.
He was reasonably tall, his stature befitting of someone of his class and quite honestly much better than the Royal Highness himself. Unruly dark brown hair that you could tell immediately had his servants in a craze to put into the slicked-back style it was attempted to be in, the few strands falling into his eyes, making him more comfortable to look at. His eyes were as black as midnight, shining bleakly yet with stern sharpness to it that had you questioning his stoic aura. 
The black of his suit was also adorned with pops of gold and royal blue, definitely a commander.
“Y/n would love to accompany him for a dance,” your mother spoke, her hand pressing against the back of your dress, lifting you up to stand before you could even think of protesting.
“I’m glad,” the Duke laughed heartily, and you sighed quietly.
With your hand pressing into his own, both of you walked in silence to the dance floor. 
The song began, one that involved more one on one time and less prancing with everyone on the dancefloor, and you were unsure whether you appreciated that at all. On the one hand, it would have saved you the horror of having his smoldering eyes everywhere on you, but it also meant you two could waltz around without a care.
“I don’t care to marry you,” he spoke suddenly, catching you off guard immediately. “As a matter of fact, I had no desire to come to your ball.”
“Well, that’s a bit rude to say,” you splutter, your fingers digging into his shoulder while you nearly stumbled in your box step. “There was no need to tell me that!”
“My father thinks that because we are both in our first reincarnation, it will give some leeway into having our union, but he is too much of a romantic.”
“And just who are you exactly, Your Grace? I know of your surname, but if you are going to be speaking to me so brashly, I have the right to your birth name.”
As the two of you spun against the floor, the throb in your feet ignored; his eyes came down to meet yours in a piercing gaze. Was he shocked by your lack of submission?
“Sen,” he spoke, his lips pursing. “Sen of House Kaibara.”
“Well, Sen, you are incredibly rude!” you flustered, smoothly moving with him with the sudden pick up of speed in the music. “Even if you are not here for my hand, the least you could do is pretend!”
“You looked like someone who appreciated honesty, Your Grace,” there’s a glint in his eyes. Something you can’t quite pin or understand, but it sends your stomach into a loop at the way his lip quirks with his words, and how his eyes narrow almost as if in teasing.
“Oh, I definitely am, but even that was too honest for our first conversation,” you bite back, your long ruined lipstick-stained lips pulling into a smile. “Have you never been around a lady before? You should really be paying attention to your etiquette classes, Sen.”
“Are you really lecturing me on my etiquette while calling me Sen?” he asked, his jaw-dropping just the slightest in disbelief, using a heavy hand on your waist to pull you in and twirl you out of the way of a drunken pair of dancers. “I think it might be you who needs to be paying attention, Your Grace. Especially if you are defying my every word and not turning into a submissive rock at my commands.”
“It is a woman’s job to make sure a man knows their place,” you snickered, twirling with the beat of the song. “I am simply doing that.”
Kaibara’s mouth opened, words almost daring to pour out, but alas, the song was over.
The two of you parted, bowing to one another while the other dancers did the same while everyone cheered and rejoiced in their ability to dance to this song.
“Would you like to go on a walk with me?” Kaibara asked, his hand reaching out towards you. 
“I don’t care to walk with you,” you breezed, quickly repeating his first words to you ever. “But I assume it will be better than returning to the table to be sold off.”
Although Kaibara’s stoic face had long remelted over his face, you couldn’t deny the glint of amusement in his eyes at your words. With yet another outstretched hand, you took it, and off the two of you went. Away from the party and into the cold night.
The both of you wandered aimlessly through the gardens of your estate, the hedge labyrinth being something you went through with him under his predictions as you already knew the answer to this puzzle. 
You felt at ease with Kaibara, the initial belligerence of his personality seemingly disappearing the more you talked with him. He was still quite aggressive, his words clear, loud, and intentional with each speech he made. But you found yourself enjoying it more and more, especially after the two of you bonded over the spinning fountain in the royal palace. 
“Do you like flowers?” he asked when the two of you sat against a stone bench.
“Depends,” you hum, placing a finger on your chin. “I am less than thrilled with flowers with thorns. Do you have any idea how many idiot men have given my flowers with thorns in them?”
“I will assume a lot?”
“Three! That is three too many!”
Kaibara laughed merrily, his hand running through his gelled unruly hair, while his head dipped back to stare at the sky. 
“I’ve only gifted someone a flower once, and I did not go according to plan.”
Your eyebrows scrunched, you studied the man who stared up at the sky in a way that looked like he would fight the gods themselves should they appear. The soft glow of the halls barely reached this side of the garden, but with the help of the heavenly moon, you saw him clearly. He was a stranger, you knew that, but there was something about him that called for you, pleading you to learn more about him — everything about him.
“What was the plan?” you asked softly, your bare foot hitting his leather-clad shoe with a pointed toe. He had helped you take off your shoes the moment you entered the garden.
“Well, we were the same age, as you and I are,” Kaibara nodded, his hands pressing to the bench behind him as he shifted his weight to lean on his hands. “As I spoke earlier, my dad was a romantic, and embarrassingly enough, I was too at one point…”
He trailed off, and your head tilted, you felt like you knew where he was going with this.
“I offered the girl I loved a red rose, but she told me that we would be wrong together. She was on her second incarnation, and I was on my first, so there was no way we could be destined for one another,” Kaibara confessed, his tongue wetting his lips while he shrugged. 
“That is quite unfortunate,” you frown, your gaze dropping to your hands. 
“It was.”
The two of you fell into a tense silence, your mind unable to procure any form of thought to ease the tension between the two of you. But you looked up and saw a bush of white primroses before you. With a surge of confidence, you stood up and took a single primrose from the bush. Returning to Kaibara’s side, you placed the primrose in his hands.
“You may not appreciate this primrose, but our estate is known for the primrose, it's a trademark of my family. You may not have found your soulmate yet, Your Grace, but when you do, they will be amazed to call you theirs.”
Kaibara’s hold on the white flower was delicate, his fingers twirling the stem between his fingers while he sat there. A soft chuckle escaped his lips, and he nodded, his eyes warming up while he locked eyes on you.
“You’re a bit weird, you know that y/n.”
“Only those I trust know that,” you winked, further delighting in the way that a crooked grin sat on his face.
Unfortunately for you after that night, you would never have one like that again. The arrangement to marry His Royal Highness was set, and you would never see Kaibara again after your wedlock to the Prince that happened on your twenty-first year alive — not that the two of you realized that.
You long after passed away.
You lived a happy life, a full life, but the thoughts of his Grace Duke Kaibara Sen always plagued your mind no matter what you did. How you wished that he was to be reborn too so that you could possibly meet him once again.
⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆ ii ⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆
“Sen, leave my primroses alone!”
“I just can’t believe you still have these?!”
Your face was abnormally warm while you stared at your childhood friend Kaibara who was currently walking around your entire room, deliberately, and horribly going through your personal belongings. He was in workout clothes, black gym shorts, and a grey t-shirt under a yellow windbreaker; the sight of him so comfortable in your room made you a bit more embarrassed. 
The two of you had been friends for forever! Your parents were best friends and soulmates, so they figured that both of you would be soulmates. While it had been a cute and innocent thought when the two of you were young, it wasn’t so nice with the two of you nearing twenty-one and with no actual relationship in sight. How your parents found each other on their first attempt was beyond you, especially since you had the exact ii marked on your wrist.
But the worst part of your parents trying to convince both of you that you were soulmates was the thought that the two of you had once sort of dated. It had happened in secret, after all, both of you agreed should your parents find out it would equate to some block party celebration — which both of you didn’t want.
Still, the two of you were only sixteen when it happened, and while it could have happened that the two of you were meant for one another considering, you shared the same birth year and were on the exact reincarnation it didn’t work out. You loved Kaibara, you indeed did, but the romantic feelings between the two of you quickly burned out. Thankfully, it hadn’t made anything genuinely awkward between the two of you, and your parents never knew!
Win-win!
But the first memory you ever had of Kaibara and you, it involved a primrose. It was spring, and he had found a bush full of them, and with his chubby baby hands, he had picked them out for you and gave it to you. You had loved it, and it seemed to become an unspoken tradition between you and him.
Every significant moment between your lives, he would always give you a primrose, even when they were out of season. 
The last time he had given you a primrose was when both of you graduated high school and went onto college. He had gone to a different one from you, and it was like facing death itself when you no longer saw him in your classes. Nowadays, the two of you only saw each other during breaks and the occasional facetime.
So in the middle of summer break, he was over in your room after a run — judging everything you were saving apparently.
“I should destroy these flowers; they’re not supposed to be kept like this,” Kaibara sighed, the stems of the dried and pressed flowers so brittle between his fingers. He looked back down at the box he had found, his free hand stretching out towards your storming figure to keep you at bay. “Damn, y/l/n, did you really keep every single primrose I ever gave you?!”
“It’s sentimental, asshole!” you cried in embarrassment, your hands trying to grab the box that indeed held every primrose he had given you with a tag that had the day you got it and why.
“How have I known you my entire life and still not know this about you?” Kaibara grinned, his knees bent, and ass jutting out to keep you from nearing too close.
“I’m going to kill you!” you sobbed, your fists beating into his back while he simply continued on.
“I haven’t seen you face to face in months, and you’re going to kill me? You’re sort of the worst best friend ever,” Kaibara admitted, finally relenting and letting go of the box and leaving your possessions alone. 
You quickly covered the box, grateful that he hadn’t destroyed anything, and sighed when you put the box back in your bookshelf. Out of sight, out of mind for now.
“I do have a favor to ask of you,” Kaibara admits, your bed groaning quietly under his weight while he sat on your bed. Your face immediately questioned his motives; you knew your best friend probably better than he knew himself, and you knew that there was no bliss in having him say those words to you. All your life, his favors had nearly landed you in the hospital after all.
“And what favor is this?” you asked, your arms crossing while you looked at him with your eyebrow raised. “Am I going to have to go egg your highschool rivals' house again? Oh! Am I going to tell your girlfriend to not be intimidated by me anymore?”
Kaibara’s grin melted away, a stoic and unnerved face glaring back at you. Being best friends with someone like him was not a good thing at times like this, it seemed.
“Then I’ll go ask Ami for help then,” he spoke without a hint of mercy, his hands pressing onto his lap to stand up.
“Wait, no, Sen! I was joking! Please don’t do this to me!” you whined, shoving him back down onto his bed so that he was sitting there with a still expressionless face, but his eyes gave him away. “Anyone but stupid, Ami!”
“Well, if you don’t want to help me, I’m not going to waste my time trying to convince you,” he pointed out with a slow blink.
How he got under your nerves sometimes.
“What do you want then?” you grumble, sitting down on the bed beside him, your arms folded and a pout on your lips. 
“I need you to be my date on top of pretending to be my girlfriend,” Kaibara replied immediately, his eyes resting on you with ease and grace. You looked ready to question everything he was saying, so he moved on to explain. “My parents were invited to a wedding, and I need to win a bet.”
“What kind of fucking bets are you making that it involves having a girlfriend? I thought you were anti-soulmates?” you question, your gaze unamused while your dark-haired friend raked his fingers through his spiky hair. 
“Okay, first of all, I just found your creepy primrose collection, so I know you’re still in love with me, but I’m going to need you to back off —” he dodged a punch you aimed for his shoulder— “But the bet was made because no one thought I could get a girl like you.”
“You can’t get a girl like me.”
“I already have, hello?”
You grinned at his look of discontent at your statement, but you finally sighed, your head coming to lean on his shoulder. You smiled, feeling his head resting upon yours, and a silent agreement was exchanged through this pose. 
“When’s the wedding?” you ask, your eyes closing at the gentle rolling heat emitting from his body.
“This Friday.”
“The theme?”
“Summer? I don’t fucking know.”
“How long have we been dating?”
“Seven months.”
“Oh, so detailed,” you softly sigh, eventually laughing when his fingers twisted the skin on your shoulder. “Do you still kiss like a twelve-year-old boy?”
“No,” he groaned, his hand covering his face. “We shouldn’t have to kiss anyways.”
You laugh more, your shoulder pressing into his a few times while you bite your lower lip, “I’m just making sure we cover all the bases.”
“Yeah sure,” he sighed, holding your hand in his. “Thank you for agreeing.”
“I’m going to look hot as fuck, and I expect to make sure that everyone at this wedding is starstruck by me.”
“I’m sure they will be.”
~
The apples of your cheeks burned from all the fake smiling you had done while exchanging hellos with the other guests you had never seen in your life at this wedding. It was the wedding for Kaibara’s boss, which explained why your parents were not here today — most parties had both your families in attendance after all.
“When Sen told us that the two of you were finally dating, I think I actually cried,” his mother told you, her hands grabbing yours when you sat beside her. As part of the favor, Kaibara had asked you to run most of the crowd control just because he was horrible at keeping things… not hostile. “Your parents told me that they didn’t know either!”
You laughed, your gaze flashing over to Kaibara, who was in the middle of a conversation with the guests who were sitting at his left. A coworker, it seemed, and if you knew any better, a coworker he liked just based on his body language.
“Yeah, it just sorta happened over a call?” you squawk unsure of how to handle this best. “I guess it helped that we’ve known each other for so long!”
She nodded her head, her eyes swimming with mirth and love while she sighed happily. 
“I can’t wait until it’s your wedding with Kaibara!”
With a nod of agreement, you were almost too excited when plates of food were distributed to you all. For the remainder of the dinner, you and Kaibara put up a solid front, the both of you falling into old habits of once being lovers to pull off this scam. It was the gentle whispers between the two of you, the silent exchanges, and the physical actions of your relationship that seemed to tie the story together.
“Y/n?” Kaibara’s female coworker spoke to you in the middle of a joking argument between you and Kaibara. You paused mid-rant, your head dipping towards the table so you could see her past Kaibara’s chest. 
“Yes?”
“Do you mind coming to grab some dessert?”
With no reason to say no, you nodded your head, a smile gracing your figure.
The two of you went over to the esteemed dessert table. Piles upon piles of sweets and goodies sat on the table that called your name while you skimmed around with his coworker.
“I’m Kimi, by the way,” she introduced herself when you zeroed in on a brownie.
“Nice to meet you!” you smiled, the name further confirming the fact that she was the one that Kaibara liked.
“Likewise,” she smiled, bringing a Rice Krispy treat to her plate. “Um, Sen told me about the bet, I know that it’s all fake.”
Your eyebrows raised, you hadn’t known that much.
“Don’t worry! I’m not spilling! This is a bet against Tsurabara, and I want him to lose anyways,” she quickly interrupted, her hand rubbing the back of her neck. “You two looked ready to start a big fight, so I thought it was best to get you out.”
A burst of soft laughter bubbled in your throat while you nodded, “Oh yeah, it’s okay! I’ve known Kaibara since we were in our mom’s bellies, this isn’t anything!”
Kimi’s eyes blinked rapidly, her eyes casting to the side in some sort of inferior action that you knew almost too well as the best friend of a handsome boy. “He likes you too,” you whispered, winking at her before walking back to the table to provide your fake-boyfriend and his parents with their favorite desserts.
But as you returned to the table, you were stopped when Kaibara stood up, his face set in a soft scowl, and his stare a mile away.
“Please go and dance with our son, y/n!” his father asked with sincere hope in his voice. “The two of you have been entertaining us this entire time, please go have fun!”
You wanted to say that it was fine, but it seemed in the three minutes that you had gone, Kaibara had been made to do this. He grabbed the plate of desserts in your hand, dropping them onto the table and led you out to the dance floor where everyone was gathered.
And as a slow dance came through, a weird sense of deja vu overcame you when he held you close. 
“I haven’t danced with you in years,” you mused when your wrists rested onto his shoulders, his hands warm on your waist. 
“And that’s my fault?” Kaibara asked, his eyebrows raised in amusement and annoyance.
“For sure,” you sighed your gaze stubbornly on his. “If you didn’t let me go to all those high school dances with a date that wasn’t you, I wouldn’t have this problem.”
“You’re a brat, you know that?”
“You say brat, but I prefer the term… aware of my worth.”
“You’re as equal in value as my pinky toe is.”
And even though there was never an awkward moment in your relationship with Kaibara, there was this melting that occurred between the two of you. Something invisible that melted away between the two of you while you swayed side to side while in his arms. Your head rested on his shoulder, and he lay on your head. A peaceful silence while you danced in time, a perfect movement between the two of you while the music seemed to fade away.
“I’m going to kiss you, okay?” he whispered in your left ear.
There was a weird yet pleasurable shiver that traveled down your spine with his hot breath against your ear. You liked it, but that still didn’t stop the twist in your stomach when you pulled away. His eyes were dark and serious, so very much Kaibara Sen it seemed.
“Okay.”
His lips met yours in a soft embrace. The smoothness of his lips softly parted between yours, dancing in different ways from your swaying bodies, and much more fulfilling than any other kiss you had ever shared with him before. Your fingers locked in the back of his hair, and he drew shapes into your back.
Kiss after kiss was exchanged between the two of you on this dance floor, each sequential kiss blazing your heart brighter and brighter until you realized that your heart was hammering disgustingly loud in your ears when he finally pulled away for the last time. You didn’t think that this favor would have landed you in the hospital, but with the way your heart failed to stop drumming violently throughout your body after the many kisses the two of you shared that day, it was hard to say that he didn’t. 
But after that day, you came to realize that you still liked Kaibara, but he didn’t feel the same way. You cut off contact with him when he started dating Kimi, and the two of you last saw each other Christmas on your twenty-first year alive. He was happy and in love, and you quietly sat with your head in the storm clouds.
After that… you never saw him again, which made you think that made your parents have been right about the two of you being soulmates. 
But you had to move on for this reincarnation, it seemed.
You lived, loved, married, and died.
The box of primroses he had given you your most prized possession until the day you peacefully passed away.
⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆ iii ⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆
“Can I please get a black roast coffee... in the biggest size you have,” you sniffle, your eyes red, fingers dabbing a tissue at the falling tears on your face.
“Uh, that’ll be seven hundred yen,” the man with the name tag Kaibara S. spoke.
You handed him the cents in your hand and waited for your receipt.
“This is only five hundred,” Kaibara slowly stated, and it seemed to push you over the edge because you began to bawl.
Primrose Coffeeshop was the only coffee shop that had discounts for broke college students such as yourself nearby, so it was the place you went to practically every day. So it was to no surprise to workers such as Kaibara to see that you were finally breaking down.
The world blurred in the time he told you that it was okay to not have the adequate amount since you were always buying things from the store, to someone quite literally leading you back to your mountain of textbooks and laptop, and the coffee coming out and being placed at your table. Through your tear drowned eyes, you looked at the assignment you had to write.
Twenty pages of research for something you didn’t understand at all. 
“Are you okay?” a voice interrupted the hiccuping snuffled sobs that continued to pour from your mouth.
With a tear-streaked face, a wet nose, and blotchy skin, you looked at the dark brown haired barista who seemed to have gotten off of his own shift. His apron rested on his forearm, his hair still pushed back with the hairband that sat on his face, and his clothes were plain and simple. His face was pretty stoic to look at. Given the apparent discomfort in his eyes, he must have taken a lot to ask you this.
“N-No!” you sobbed, your lips trying to keep shut to stop the self-proclaimed horrible sobs that still tried to pour from your mouth.
“What’s… uh… what’s wrong?”
“My whole life is falling apart!” you laugh humorlessly, your hands slapping the coffee table with a pathetic sniffle. “I-I’m on my third reincarnation, and the statistics of finding your soulmate this late in the cycle have plummeted dramatically! My thesis for my p-paper isn’t viable anymore because I didn’t c-contact my professor on time. So I h-had to make a new one… I don’t even know!”
Kaibara remained silent, unsure if he should stay or leave. He had only asked because his coworker had been weirdly worried for you, and well… he did too, but this was a bit too much for him. Why couldn’t you have just said you were alright?!
“That… sucks, I’m sorry.”
You let out a choked sob, the veins in your face bulging in your attempt to just… stay quiet.
Kaibara stared at you, pity and concern seeping into his bones the longer he looked. With a sharp sigh, he pulled the chair out and sat down. “How can I help?”
Somehow from this one interaction, a weird comradery began between you and the barista you had ordered from for two years. 
In the span of an hour, he had helped you calm down, calmly instructing and aiding you in your academic endeavor to understand what you were doing. It was a paper for a stupid physics class you were forced to take, and thankfully Kaibara was a physics student himself. 
Kaibara introduced you to some reliable papers, explaining to you the things you didn’t understand in very perceptive depth and understanding that you didn’t get from your own professor. An hour into talking and you realized that you were no longer crying, your coffee went drunk to completion, and you were smiling while he pointed to different things on your screen.
“I’m y/l/n y/n,” you finally introduced yourself when he was standing to leave. 
“I know,” he nodded, a soft smile on his face. “You have been ordering from me with that name for two years now.”
“Well, it wasn’t ever an introduction, though,” you pointed out with a sigh. “Besides, this is much more official.”
He nodded in agreement, his hand pulling off the headband in his hair, letting his shaggy hair fall onto his eyes. “I’m Kaibara Sen, and I know you didn’t know my first name.”
“I did not,” you agree, your head bowing in both thanks.
He seemed to debate something in his head, teetering between telling you and not, but with a tilt of your head, and a lean towards him, he broke.
“I’m in here a lot, I don’t know if you’ve noticed? I work fulltime on top of going to school and guessing by the professor’s name, you also attend Tokyo University,” Kaibara said, his eyes locked onto yours. “If you want, I can help you out for the rest of the semester with physics. I know that it can be a hard class.”
“Are… are you serious?!” you gasp, your hands pressing to your mouth in undeniable joy and mirth.
“Completely.”
“I’d appreciate that so much!” you chirped, your body resisting the urge to hug him in your gratitude. 
“Okay, that’s good,” he nodded, his feet already moving towards the exit.
You watched as he walked to the door, but noticed that he hesitated when he reached the door.
Wordlessly he lifted up his left arm and showed off a tattoo.
iii
“I’m also on my third reincarnation,” he admitted with a shrug, and the embarrassing memory of your breakdown hit you heavily over the head while your face grew red hot. “It’s totally okay if you haven’t met your soulmate yet, that’s why we have multiple shots, right?”
You were for a loss of words, only managing to nod your head in stunned embarrassment. Kaibara smiled, his face genuinely pleased while he pushed onto the front door.
“Then, I’ll see you later, y/l/n.”
Like that, a friendship was born between you and the cute barista.
Without even this new tutoring system between the two of you, you had always shown up at the coffee shop every day, but now it was put at specific times — typically taking in mind his shift and class schedule. Day in and day out, he would help you out with physics, teaching you about work and joules and energy, and you, in turn, would buy lots of coffee and pastries and even helped him with his own work that wasn’t physics related.
You came to know more about Kaibara too.
About how he was born the same year you were, or how the both of you were a bit scared about the fact that you were on your third reincarnation. You both would even make up extremely extravagant stories of your past lives. Of how you were royalty and the smartest geniuses alive who had created the items you had used to this very day. 
Jokes of knowing Newton and Plato and Shakespeare never failed to make the both of you smile during moments where you weren’t worrying about your academia. 
Kaibara Sen was someone you could come to see could be very special in your life. His often neutral and stoic personality quickly melted away to become invigorating and chaotically loud. He was someone you would very much appreciate to be friends with, no matter what class you could have met him in or timeline you met him in.
“How do you feel about this year?” 
Your words were soft in the empty coffee shop, the warm sweater you wore snug on your body while you drank a new concoction Kaibara made for a future menu item.  It was something sweet, not overwhelmingly so, just enough that made it pleasant to drink without milk or sugar — not that you didn’t mind a cup of black coffee every once in a while.
“I’d rather not make it to a fourth reincarnation,” you heard Kaibara admit, from beside you, his face buried in the notes he was rewriting during your studying session. “This seems like a good time frame to have things end with the person I’m meant to be with. Nothing crazy is happening, it’s calm… I like that.”
“You have no sense of adventure Sen!” you laugh, your hands bringing the coffee cup to the table and writing down your thoughts and rating for the drink onto the yellow paper he had given to you for an official review. “I think I’m going to push it to reincarnation number five, I want to see the flying cars and moving cities.”
“I’m not sure if that sounds horrible or like a nightmare,” he dryly stated, flipping his notebook for the next significant section to write on.
“Don’t be rude,” you huff, your pen scratching out the mistake you made with a frown. “I mean, I wouldn’t remember anything, but it would still be nice!”
“And just who do you think your soulmate is?” Kaibara asked, his pencil dropping on his notes while he shook his sore and tired wrist out. He looked at you with a crooked grin that made you smile back, and he leaned in to whisper, “I can imagine that you’ve pictured what they look like.”
“How’d you know?!” you ask in mock surprise, your hand pressing to your mouth in a dramatic effect.
“You look the type,” he snickered, leaning back against his chair. “Okay, what does a lover boy look like, and what does lover girl look like?”
“Okay, so ideally, a male soulmate will look like a supermodel. Like the kind that just drives girls and older women wild because goddamn is he fine,” you whistle, your tongue wetting your lips in an attempt to mask your humor from this.
“Yes, I can see you with someone like that too,” Kaibara sagely nodded his head, his fingers now grasping the pencil in his hand. “Now, the other?”
“If it’s a girl… I don’t care, just as long as she’s super tall,” you sigh wistfully, your smile growing when Kaibara seems to agree with this information.
“You are ready to meet your soulmate, I’ve decided,” Kaibara announced his pencil scratching his paper as he began to write again.
“Oh thank you, kami-sama, please reveal to me the name of my betrothed.” 
“I will, under one circumstance, and one circumstance only.”
The smile that spread on your face was warm, your eyes looking at how his lips were curled into his own smile that he often enjoyed hiding from you.
“What must a mere stupid mortal like me do?”
Kaibara finished writing his section of the notes before pulling away, his eyes severe while they peered at you. Dark, serious, and very, very intense.
He often confused you; he was so dark and brooding at times but often melted into someone you could only describe as a twelve-year-old boy finding out that his parents installed his favorite game to whatever console he loved most. His eyes, despite their deep charcoal color, seemed to melt into warm chocolate the longer he held your gaze, and finally, he spoke:
“Go on a date with me?”
Your eyes blinked rapidly, and a sour feeling erupted in your chest at his words.
Oh no.
“I… I can’t,” you spoke, your eyes traveling to your lap, the previous warmth in your chest disappearing quicker than the speed of light.
Kaibara blinked, his jaw opening and closing repetitively, almost as if in confusion and misunderstanding of the situation. 
“Can I ask why not?” he spoke, but his voice had never sounded this hollow before.
“I’m actually seeing someone right now,” you admit slowly, your stomach twisting and knotting because dear god had you led him on this entire time? “We uh… we started dating a bit after you and I started talking.”
Kaibara’s face was void of all emotion, the deep chocolate gone from his eyes, replaced with only reliable bitter charcoal. 
“Are they… are they your soulmate?” he asked in the softest of whispers, a tone you recognized as someone who was doing everything in their power not to cry. His nostrils flared, and he trembled slightly, his stoic mask entirely see-through to you. 
“I hope so,” you admit, your fingers digging into your sweater. “I’m sorry, Sen.”
Kaibara’s lips press into a thin wavering line, and he shakes his head, “No, it’s okay. Um, let’s finish up?”
He didn’t accept the rejection well, although he was still a good friend and helping you out, you could read this man better than yourself; it seemed because you could see how much it pained him to sit next to you every day and help you. Study sessions diminished by a lot, his free time being occupied more and more until it was finally after midnight for new years, and despite whispering that you loved your partner at the stroke of midnight, the tattoo remained red — not golden.
 You visited the Primrose Coffeeshop the moment it was opened, and to your dismay, Kaibara had left the shop, and his phone number no longer worked. 
You stayed with your partner; both of you agree to just live out the rest of your life in love since you had been so sure of the other being your soulmate. But no matter how much time had passed, the shape of your soulmate began to resemble Kaibara, but you knew better than to wish for such silly things, especially in this world. For if it was true, there was no use to even trying to find him — after all, the world forbade it.
⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆ iv ⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆
The world was emerging with the beginning of quirks.
There wasn’t a high population of individuals with quirks yet, but there was a growing number of them. People hated those with quirks, pushing backs against the “freaks” of nature, demanding that they get put down and killed without a moment’s thought.
Without a doubt, people with quirks would begin to fight back, some turning to villainy, some to vigilante work, and some to hero work. 
Everything was masked, no one could know anyone’s true identity, or else it would end in heads being chopped off. It was like a comic book gone wrong.
And you? You were a hero, someone just trying to get by because while you didn’t want to be a freak of nature, those with powerful quirks using them against the quirkless still was not a righteous society.
Right now, you were living the most perfect life.
A secret hero that the quirkless were starting to appreciate, keeping a big evil villain in check, succeeding in your job, and in love with none other than Kaibara Sen, who you were so positive was your soulmate.
You screeched as Kaibara held you over his shoulder. Your legs kicked as he threw you onto the bed. His grinning face blowing raspberries into your exposed stomach. Your howls doing nothing to stop him. 
“Stop it!” you shriek, trying to remove his lips from your abdomen. “I’m–Sen–GOING TO PEE IF YOU DON’T STOP!”
Kaibara pulls away, peppering kisses up your chest until he’s kissing you over and over again. Your lips can’t even form a pout from your exhaustion, letting him kiss you so weirdly while you lay in defeat. “If you peed yourself, I would have made you clean it up.”
“You’re the worst boyfriend ever!!!” you moan in exhaustion as Kaibara nuzzles his nose into the crook of your neck. 
“I know, it matches your worst girlfriend category too,” Kaibara grins against your skin, and your fingers tug at his hair, trying to get him to kiss you again.
“Mm, so I’m the worst girlfriend? I might call Silence on myself then,” you tease, your lips pressing against his. 
“I would fight her to keep you then,” Kaibara brushes your hair out of your eyes, and your eyes flutter. God, there was so much you would do for this man. You loved him so much, it hurt you.
“Alright, baby, I have to go! It’s ladies’ night!” you sigh into his mouth despite doing everything you could to keep him there. Kaibara’s hands keep you close to him as his tongue slips into your mouth. You moan in half-hearted defeat at the feeling of his tongue dancing with yours. 
“You can tell Fukuda-san she can rip you out of my fucking hands,” Kaibara growls as he sucks softly against your neck. You arch into him as you shake your head. 
“Stupid, she could totally beat your ass, and you have that — fuck, you have that meeting of yoURS!” you smack his chest when his fingers brush against your bare skin. “Kaibara Sen!”
“Fine, fine, fine!” Kaibara chuckles, pulling away, love lacing his eyes. “I love you, stay safe tonight? You girls can’t handle your liquor.”
You roll your eyes as you peck a last kiss to his lips. “Only because we go straight for the hard stuff!!!”
Kaibara walks you out of his house, and into your car. His face sticking through the window for some last kisses. You give him as many as you can until you have no more time to waste. “Okay, bye! I love you!” you chirped, finally driving off.
You watch as Kaibara continues to wave at you from the street, a smile on your face until you turn the corner. Your smile instantly drops as you’re far away. 
You give a call to Fukuda, and she instantly picks up.
“Hello? Are you ready? There’s a lot of activity going on tonight… I’m worried,” Fukuda’s voice cries, and you’re consumed with the smallest bit of guilt as you drive faster. 
“I’m sorry… where to first?”
~
You ran along rooftops, your eyes locked on the man running away from you. Your breathing is harsh, raspy. You’ve been running for almost an hour now, jumping and weaving through pipes. You’re trying to get to him, the one man you’ve been chasing for years now. The man that taunted your dreams. Your life.
Your eyes caught onto the rubbish on a nearby ceiling, and you threw out your arm. Yellow energy shoots from your arms as it attaches to the objects and falls. Trapping the man by high walls, and a fifty story drop. 
“Come on, you know you want to give in!” you pant as the man stops running, turns around, and his guard is up. His gaze concentrated on you entirely as you stopped in front of him. The yellow energy filling your hands as you raise your own guard. “Give in.”
“As much as I would love to wrestle it out with you, sweetheart, I’m in a loving relationship.” his voice is dripping with sarcasm as whirring noises emit from his skin. 
The two of you were among the minuscule population that had superpowers. A revolutionary feat that had the world in battle. You were a superhero. As if you were straight off a comic book, you fought against people who threatened those beneath them. Hell, most times, you were a glorified therapist! You really only hardly ever got into fistfights, but this man. This… vile man in front of you was an exception. He was cruel.
Using this power of his to create chaos and mayhem. It was not something you liked, you hated him for it, and you have been trying to get him. To corner him! But he was always one step ahead. A finger brushes away from you as you try to get him.
It was a dreadful and repeating dance now, one the two of you frequently explored. You would lunge forward, and he would take a step backward, you would spin out, and he would pull you back in. Even the way you two fought, it was fluid, sharp, deadly, yet melodic. The occasional locking fists could have been a dance had it not been for the fire in your stance.
The masks on his face covered everything on him, but you knew he was looking at you. The only thing you needed though, was to have him pinned to the ground. His wrists in a handcuff as you dropped him off to the police. Then you’d be able to go home to Kaibara, to tell him the only secret you kept from him. 
You ducked under his gyrating fist, something you had known too well as it sent you flying into walls on multiple occasions, but he stopped jumping backward when you rolled to the side.
“I will have to bid you adieu, my sweet Silence! Duty calls, and well, I’m merely here to distract you!”
Your eyes widened as an explosion blew in the distance, and you whipped around. You snap back through to see him waving goodbye, and you freeze. “Oh, no...”
You took off in the direction of the explosion, your heart hammering away as you near it. Screams and cries echoing through the streets as you jumped in to help. Your words aiding everyone in the fiery trap. “Don’t worry, I’m here for you!” You repeated over and over, but their pain never stopped.
~
“Hi, beautiful,” Kaibara says, walking into your room. Your eyes look up at him in the mirror, and your smile is affectionate. Kaibara is in a pair of dark blue slacks. A white button-up shirt that hugged his chest beautifully, and a black-tie with a jacket on. His hair combed back, overall, he was drop-dead gorgeous. 
The brown-haired man walks to you and hugs you by your waist. Kaibara’s eyes dawdling on your outfit as you turn your head to press a kiss to his temple. “Hi.” 
“Let’s go for dinner now?”
You nod your head, this dinner was a much-needed distraction from the explosion after all. “Yes, let’s go.”
The dinner is fantastic. 
You love the way Kaibara’s eyes burn like steady embers into you the entire night, his energy never once wavering. His hand held yours after the meal was over, listening to you all while he pressed fluttering kisses to the tattoo that reads iv. You giggle out his name as he refuses to quit, and your cheeks burn.
“Y/l/n y/n,” Kaibara states, and you raise your eyebrows inviting him to continue. “I met you years ago, and you’re… incredible. Your energy is intoxicating as is your smile.” Kaibara smiles as he kisses the back of your hand. “I love the way you hate Tuesday mornings, I love that you always jump onto your bed, you do not have to, but you do. You complete me, you make me want to be a better person, and I have only one thing to ask…”
Your eyes sparkle with unshed tears, and Kaibara presses up and kneels before you.
“Will you marry me, y/n? Would you do me the honor of being my wife?”
A black velvet box presents itself on his palm. A luminescent diamond ring shining against the light surrounded by primroses, the flower you said represented your love with him. Your tears shedding uncontrollably from your eyes while you grin like a fool.
Your head nods over and over.
“Yes!” You cry as you pepper wet kisses all over his face. “Yes, please! Yes!”
The diamond ring slips onto your finger, and you can’t even begin to describe your emotions as you kiss him. The cheering of the crowds disappearing as you hold him even closer.
He asked you for your hand that night, and yet you felt united in a whole other way. The overwhelming love between the two of you palatable the entire night.
~
You struggle against the wall, gasping as the villain holds you by your throat. You had foiled his next plan and were now paying dearly for it. 
You slam your foot into his crotch, and he grunts, letting you go. You collapse to the ground gasping for air. You stagger but act quickly, sweeping his feet out from underneath him. He falls to the ground, and you shoot energy from your hands, allowing you to smoothly and rapidly hop on top of him. You press your knees into his arms, and he hisses.
His legs sweep up, kicking you forward, and you tumble off of him.
So the two of you embark on another dangerous dance of yours. Fukuda screams in your ear about the dangers lurking around you if you don’t get out of there! But you had landed a hit, you were going to get him today!
You duck under a punch and shove a palm to his ribcage. He stumbles backward, you narrow your eyebrows as you lock an energy strand around his leg, pulling him in. You race over, but you miss the whirring of his skin. You’re blown backward, white-hot pain scorching your cheek, the mask on your face cracking in two. You gasp for air, the mask breaking completing as it falls to the ground. You couldn’t hear Fukuda yelling at you anymore as knees slam into your chest, and you wheeze.
Your eyes lock onto the villain before you. His arm cocked back for another devastating punch, but he’s frozen. His body is still. You don’t feel your energy power up, only that your arm is thrust up, and he’s thrown off you. A sickening crash is heard, and you sit up wheezing. 
You stare at the man, your vision dizzy, and you feel sick.
Not because you’re dizzy, but because of the face that’s revealed as his mask falls.
Kaibara.
His eyes are so vast, and your eyes are tearing up.
He can’t stand up, and you stumble to your feet, swaying where you stand.
“Get the fuck out of there, y/n!” Fukuda’s voice is yelling at you, and you flinch, finally hearing it. 
“Sen…” You whisper, your head shaking in disbelief. “You can’t be… how are you, Spinner?”
The villain’s name. The name you loathe, the name you refuse to use. You prefer ‘villain’ because giving him a name gives him an identity. A reason for him to be committing the atrocities he’s committed.
How was this man in front of you the person you loved with all your heart? 
You can’t remember running away. You only remember that you’re back in your house sobbing as you stare at the diamond ring on your nightstand.
~
You stare at the ceiling of your room. You feel hollow. 
Since that fateful encounter, neither one of you has attempted to reach out. Neither one of you calling, texting, or showing up. You hated it, but you couldn’t stand seeing him here. How could you ever talk to the man you love knowing who he was? What he was; what he is?
You knew everyone had secrets, but why was his secret this, anything but this…
The engagement ring is on your finger still. It makes perfect sense, everything tells you that it should be there. But it feels heavy… it weighs you down in more ways than its weight. Could you really forgive a man like him? Yes, he’s your Kaibara, but he’s also Spinner.
Notorious as the underground crime king. Spinner was someone you’ve been fighting since day one. It made you nauseous, just thinking about how that man was your Kaibara. 
How were they the same person?
The floorboards in your hallway creak, and you slam up. Your eyes concentrating on the doorframe. Your mouth runs dry as you stare at angry black eyes. His mouth pressed into a flat line as his hands roughly weave through his hair. 
It hurts knowing that it wasn’t a hoax. You knew Kaibara Kaibara like the back of your hand, and being able to read him now burned your throat and heart. You lick your lips as he steps closer, his eyes focused on you. 
“You’re Silence?”
“You’re Spinner…”
Kaibara shakes his head, his lips barking with cold humor as he can’t believe it. To be fair, you can’t either as you stare at his conflicted features. 
“I don’t understand?” he admits, his eyes swimming with confusion, anger, and yet longing. 
“You and me both,” you laugh bitterly, shaking your head as you look up at him. “Care to explain?”
“I don’t really want to.” Kaibara shakes his head, his smile sad, and you blink. 
“You’re fucking kidding me, right?” you snap, your brows furrowing when you stalk over to Kaibara, who held his ground. “You’re the one causing all this mayhem, and you’re not going to even explain it to me?!”
“What’s the point, y/n? So that you can cry the next time we meet? You’re not going to give me mercy! You don’t understand! So why should I bother?!” Kaibara’s face clouded, angry, and focused. 
“Because you fucking love me!” you hiss, shoving Kaibara with your full strength. This entire time you’ve been able to pull off using mere fractions of your power. Enough to fight with Kaibara, but definitely not enough to send him stumbling backward. 
Kaibara’s black eyes snap on you as he gathers his balance. “Don’t do this.”
“I am a hero!” you tremble, your hands pulling at the roots of your hair. Your heart is racing in the worst of ways. You feel faint, ready to fall over, and never wake back up. “I save people nearly every damn day, Kaibara! I save people from you!”
There’s a glower on his face, and you know it’s because you’re putting Kaibara on a fence he doesn’t want to be. A wall that he hates. Kaibara always had something to say, he wasn’t one to pretend to not have an opinion, and so this was killing him.
“Some people in this world deserve to have checks,” Kaibara states, his steely voice calm, his eyes raging. “I don’t do anything to people who don’t deserve it.”
Your nostrils flare, and you can feel your throat thick with emotions. What the actual fuck was he on? “Really? Do these people deserve to die? People fucking deserve to get their life blown to shreds because of what? Because you think they’re corrupt? Oh, grow the fuck up, Kaibara! No, I don’t believe your bullcrap! Do you think I really haven’t tried finding correlations? Correlations for every single crime you committed? Yes, these people are terrible! But that’s why we have other ways of stopping them! You can’t play fucking god and decide whether these people deserve to live or not! What the fuck is wrong with you?!”
You’re pressed flat against his chest. Your chest heaving with lack of air and overwhelming emotions. Kaibara’s face contorted with anger. His black eyes flashing before sinking into blackness. 
Then you say words you wish you could regret, words that broke your heart as you said it.
“How can you expect me to love someone like you?”
He left your shared place after that. The year ended, and there was nothing to stop the tragic downfall of both Spinner and Silence, both of you never recovered from this moment.
⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆ v ⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆
“Kaibara, is that you?!”
Your eyes looked at the brown-haired man walking into the hero agency where you were currently a sidekick in. 
It had been two years since graduating from UA, and you were here with Miruko, a signing that had honestly shocked many, many people when it happened. Sure enough, as an alumnus of UA and being a part of his rival classroom 1-A, it was a pleasant surprise to see someone outside of your classmates.
“Y/l/n?” he greeted you in return, his hands resting on his hips, his body completely decked out in his uniform. You guessed he started his day before you.
“It’s been so long!” you grin, stopping at his side with your hands clutched by your thighs, “How can I help you today?”
“Well, I need some help. I’m here to recruit you to help with Gang Orca’s mission.”
You watched him hand you a folder and immediately upon reading it understood why he was here for you. This was a job that was perfect with your quirk.
“I can help out,” you say after reading the file, a smile on your face. “Will you be there?”
“I am his sidekick, plus I gathered most of the evidence,” Kaibara shrugged, and you nodded.
“Okay, sounds good, Spiral.”
Kaibara smiled, his eyebrow lifted while he walked away. “Good, see you then.”
You and Kaibara always got along, maybe it was because both of you were the only people in UA who were on their fifth reincarnation cycle, but knowing you weren’t alone was always nice. He was still kind to you, even if he seemed bland at times, but you came to see that it was just… him. Regardless he was a formidable foe and a strong hero. Your only regret was not getting as close to him as you could have since the rivalry between the two classes never lessened.
The team-up mission went smoothly. The extraction of the hostages on top of capturing the brass of the cult, and stopping their influence on victims of their power was an excellent boost to your reputation and Miruko’s agency. Still, you had suffered minor injuries and had an EMT checking you out this very moment.
Your eyes fell on Kaibara, who was a few strides away. He had a nasty looking bruise on his jaw, a punch he had taken for you during your lack of attention. Signaling that you were fine now, the EMT let you go, and you walked over to Kaibara, your guilt looming heavy in your stance.
“Sorry for getting you hurt,” you apologized, your finger looming over the spot where he got hit on your own skin.
“No problem,” he brushed it off with a shrug of his shoulders. “You didn’t see it, plus you still got it handled in the end, which was much more important.”
“Yeah, but now I feel like I owe you drinks or something,” you huff, not at all pleased with how he was okay with this.
A silence fell over you two, the EMT avoiding eye contact as if this was like avoiding the plague. But with your vision glued to your feet, you didn’t catch the way that his eyebrows bunched and relaxed over and over in thought until finally, he spoke.
“I could go for drinks.” 
And so this night where you and Kaibara found yourselves at a bar with drinks in hands, did you realize that you wanted to actually get to know him. You didn’t want to associate Kaibara as the other fifth reincarnation cycle guy, or the guy from class 1-B, you wanted to know him for… him. 
It turned out, he felt the same way. 
Thus began a strange but quaint relationship between the two of you.
Kaibara ended up being a personality you enjoyed to be around a lot. He often danced between being a straight face and serious, to chaotic and enthusiastic, to sometimes straight-up aggressive and demanding. The fluctuation often amuses you, three different branches to his personality, much like the three spirals on his gloves. 
“I don’t think I’m ridiculous,” you point out, your finger following Kaibara’s walking form as he was grabbing the two of you drinks from his fridge. “I get that most people give up at this point, but I really do think I’ll meet my soulmate this time about!”
Kaibara looked at you incredulously when he sat next to you, the sleeves of his shirt rolled up to his elbow so you could see the Roman numeral for five tattoo on his wrist. “What makes this lifetime so special? Besides, we know that soulmates always meet in every reincarnation. If you and your soulmate haven’t clicked since the first cycle, what’s the point in fighting so hard at this cycle?” A frown overcomes your face, and you glare at Kaibara, who struggles to uphold a serious reaction. “I’m sorry, too far?”
“Shut up.”
His laughter fills the room while you turn away from him pouting. 
“So you don’t want to meet your soulmate?” you asked, trying your hardest to not sound too nosey but just the perfect amount of curiosity. 
“I’d love to meet my soulmate, don’t get it wrong,” Kaibara sighs, his back falling onto the back of the couch, his head tilting up to the ceiling. “But it’s… weird to keep my hopes up. With no memories of past reincarnations, it seems like I’m stumbling around in the dark.”
You hummed, your fingers bringing the drink to your mouth and taking a small sip from it.
“Would you like to go on a date with me?” you asked when you brought your cup down.
Kaibara looked at you, his eyes like the void, daunting dark yet beautiful, “Why?”
“Well, if this is going to be my last reincarnation, I don’t want to live a life of regrets,” you smile, your head tilting to the side. “I would always regret not asking you out.”
His face melted into one of softness and undeniable excitement at your practical confession, “As long as you think your class could handle you dating someone from class 1-B.”
“I think that’s more of a question of if your class can handle you dating someone from class 1-A!”
So the two of you began to date.
It took no time for you to fall inexplicably and wholly in love with Kaibara Sen; he was perfect for you. Day and night he was someone you could entirely rely on, never once would he slip up, always coming to aid you when you needed it and vice versa. There were still hard nights, after all, you were still human. 
But rain or shine, momentous fight or sweet staples of your relationship, the both of you always ended up in the same bed, holding each other close as night consumed you. 
Before you knew it, it was New Year's Eve, and instead of going out tonight, you and Kaibara decided to stay in. A feeble nervous attempt in the hope that the two of you genuinely were soulmates. Five reincarnations later, and now you would finally find out if he was made for you if you were made for him.
“I want to give these to you,” Kaibara spoke to you when you came to the couch, a hefty blanket in your arms that you planned on drawing the both of you in while you watched the fireworks display on a TV monitor. Today was your first day off in a while, and because the crime rate was notoriously low on this holiday, staying home together sounded better than a clashed reunion of your high school classmates.
Your eyes found the small bouquet of primroses in his hands, the pink and white flowers sitting charmingly in their tan paper. A smile spread across your face immediately, and you brought your lips to him in a chaste kiss.
“They’re beautiful, thank you,” you happily sigh, moving to sit at his side, snuggled comfortably against him with the blanket over both of you. “What do they mean?”
“I can’t live without you,” Kaibara whispered, his eyes locking against yours.
And with warm cheeks, you smiled earnestly and connected your lips against his. 
The bouquet went forgotten as the two of you continued your passionate kiss, the words of ‘I love you’ continuing to pour from your lips well past midnight. Hope and endearment fully saturated between your hopeful mouth.
And alas, my dearest reader, I’m glad to tell you that at last, you found the one meant for you.
Primroses graced each of your lives with Kaibara Sen; after all, they were the flower of love, a flower that also meant that you couldn’t live without the other — a real sign of soulmate love through reincarnation. And my sweet reader, the moment your lips removed from Kaibaras as the stroke of midnight passed, the words of love exchanged between the two of you with complete honesty, you’ll be pleased to know that the tattoo turned to gold.
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jennrypan · 3 years
Text
I rewrote the part where Scourge and Sonic have that "Just like me convo" so it can fit my au of them.
____________________
Fiona cheating on him with his anti didnt make Sonic angry..
Fiona actively lying to him didnt piss him off, maybe annoyed him..but it didnt piss him off.
What did piss him off however was how she antagonized Amy and Tails, and how she seemed to preen at the slightest attention Scourge gave her..because she wanted someone to protect her..someone to care about her, he didnt know..and what set him off was how she slapped Tails away, mocked him for crying and all to impress his anti! 
"What the hell Fiona!?" 
Sonic snapped, though this just caused the vixen to roll her eyes before she looked at him..god her attitude was grating his nerves,
"What?" She mused as if she didnt just slap his best friend for no reason,
That ..that made him scowl, and without warning he moved- he wanted to actually..throw her, her attitude annoyed him, her disregard for his friends pissed him off- he hadnt accounted for Scourge actually protecting her, as when he moved..so did the green hedgehog and before he could touch Fiona a fist crushed into his cheek causing him to let out a sharp grunt and lose his footing for a brief minute, instantly turning his attention towards Scourge..he still had that same sleazy smile..taunting. 
"Bad move, blue." 
Scourge drawled out, and Sonic just clicked his tongue watching as Scourge slowly paced around him..hes been itching to fight him for who knows how long..that much Sonic knew, but Sonic just hummed,
"Oh so you can help other people besides yourself, I was beginning to worry you had no redeeming qualities!" He stated sounding visibly amused, 
Scourge just scoffed lowly, "Please, thats not a redeemin quality, raise your standards." He sneered, and without warning he ran forward..and the fight began.
Amy had since charged at Fiona but Sonic could barely focus on that as Scourge kept matching him blow for blow..only thing was Scourge was a lot more violent..a lot more aggressive.
It wasnt everyday Sonic worked up a sweat fighting an opponent as not many people matched his speed..Shadow and Metal were the only ones..now Scourge had been added to that list of people that seem to want to kill him for no reason.
"Jeez its hard to believe someone so bitter could be me, like damn dude, did your favorite jacket get discontinued?" 
Even during this fight Sonic didnt stop being taunting, as he landed on top of a rock- narrowly avoiding being kicked into a tree, watching as Scourge turned towards him, his eyes were surprisingly still shielded by his shades but Sonic could still feel him glaring at him, 
Scourge moved again and this time he successfully swiped Sonics legs from underneath him and when Sonic fell the blue hedgehog instinctively moved to the side as Scourges fist came crashing into the floor were his head had previously been,
"Lets see you keep makin jokes when I break your fuckin legs." Scourge hissed- despite his words he sounded delighted by the thought, pleased with the thought of hurting him and hes use to this from Shadow and Metal, they were both assholes who worked with Eggman on their worst days and they just genuinely didnt like him that much but Scourge? Theyve only met three times before this and he didnt remember antagonizing the male enough to make him want to hurt him that much-
Scourge charged forward once more and Sonic quickly moved to the side, arm pulling back before he crashed his fist into the side of Scourges face as he had done to him earlier..knocking the shades from his face which caused his anti to pause briefly, glancing down at the shades for a millisecond as they landed on the floor, cracked and lopsided.
That millisecond was soon forgotten as Scourge retaliated..his body moved lower and his leg rose before he kicked Sonic straight in the chest causing the male to grunt, stumbling back at the force but the kick wasnt enough as Scourge had soon punched him in the stomach,
"God- I still got a few more jokes- first, those shades were lame anyways- not a joke but a fact!" 
Sonic stated quickly, jumping out of the way from Scourge once more as the male just growled,
"Im not takin shit from someone who thinks 'Way past cool' is a thing people actually say!" Scourge retorted, 
"Hey people said it before!" 
"No ones ever said that shit before!" 
It went on like this for what seemed like a few minutes with both of them arguing with each other, Sonic just wanted to see exactly why Scourge was going out of his way to hurt him- even trying to actually break his leg if he was given the chance..the rage was so weird..he knew antis were different but he didnt expect his anti to be so..angry,  so violent- his anti seemed more like a very verbal Shadow with the way he kept attacking him, 
"Ya know being an asshole isnt as rewarding as ya think it is right?" 
Sonic questioned- grunting when he got into a tree, thankfully avoiding Amy as she chased Fiona around still, she had tried to help but Fiona kept distracting her.
"Pfft, its more rewardin than wastin my time saving a buncha useless dicks who dont deserve it!" Scourge replied, sounding amused by the sheer thought of saving someone else...Sonic couldnt imagine not wanting to save people..yeah sometimes he thought some people didnt deserve it but still, 
"Youre still a Sonic! Still me- you should want to at least try and help people!"
"Why? Cuz thats what you do?" 
Scourge just laughed and without warning he moved forward..punched him in the stomach, then his chest- he didnt wait for a retaliation as he kicked him into a tree, he found with the purpose to bruise and scar while Sonic fought to distance and distract-
His head spun for a split moment, the wind knocked out of him, 
"You dont get it! Rulin people with fear and hate, is soo much better than tryna be some glorified saint!" 
Scourge stated, his eyes were blazing..the rage was back..he looked nothing like him right now..something was off, Sonic didn't like how unhinged he was,  how cruel- 
"That isnt true, and it never will be."
Sonic declared and Scourge just sneered at him, laughing, fist pulling back as Sonic quickly moved from his spot, his knuckles slammed into bark instead of Sonics nose,
"When you finally realize not everyone deserves to be saved, when you see how much more freein it is to be above people than to depend on them- you'll be like me, all it takes is one bad day, one bad situation and you'll see that." Scourge hummed out, side stepping as Sonic went to kick him, only to have his leg grabbed and he was forcefully thrown down, causing him to grunt lowly, and without warning Scourge stepped on his chest, Sonic could only stare at him for a brief moment before he just grinned- 
"Thats where your wrong dude, a bad day doesnt just make someone a villain..but a good day? A good day could change a lot, all it takes is someone showing you an ounce of kindness, someone showin you the love you never got and you'll be like me, a good person..maybe even a hero." He stated, grinning.
He expected another mocking laugh instantly, expecting Scourges foot to press down but for a brief minute..the green hedgehog paused, eyes widening ever so slightly, and for that minute Sonic was sure he got to him..he knew deep down Scourge wasnt evil, he could just show him he didnt have to be like this, he could help him..he didnt know anything about his anti besides the fact something was severely wrong with his mental state and he took too much enjoyment in hurting him but he knew he wasnt evil.
Then.. the green hedgehog just smiled, his expression hardening as if it hadnt changed in the first place, 
"How naive." 
He sneered and that slowly shattered Sonics hopes of getting through to him..he just dismissed his words-
"Not naive..hopeful." Sonic retorted, moving his arm to grab his ankle but his foot had moved towards his neck and Sonic jolted- the malice in his eyes was so..floundering..he could never imagine that look on his own face.
"Same thing." Scourge stated dismissively, and Sonic didnt get the chance to reply as a blur of yellow and brown crashed into Scourge, pushing the older teen to the ground successfully allowing Sonic to sit up instantly,
"Get away from him you bully!" Tails screamed, Sonic heard Scourge cursing and soon Tails was thrown back, causing Sonic to quickly move to catch him.
"Thanks bud." Sonic murmured, staring at Scourge who just fixed his jacket- appearing inconvenienced as Fiona neatly landing besides him as Amy ran up next to Sonic, "Stop running you coward!" The pink hedgehog hissed, Scourge just plucked out a warp ring from his jacket, just smiling at Sonic.. His smile was so..mean looking, it was too sharp..too fake,
"Til next time blue."  
Was all Scourge said in a sing song like voice as he let Fiona into the portal first and he followed quickly after just as Amy chucked her hammer in their direction, who she was aiming at specifically he had no clue.
"Dammit! Stupid! Assholes, ugh!" Amy screamed, storming over to snatch her hammer up,
"Theyre such bullies! Why did I even like her!" Tails exclaimed, Sonic just frowned before he sighed quietly, glancing from Amy to Tails. 
"Lets just go, theyre gone now, might as well enjoy the peace." He stated with a simple shrug, giving them a small smile, the smile made Amy visibly melt while it comforted Tails slightly, the young pink hedgehog was at his side instantly, clutching his arm- which he allowed for the time being while Tails was a little slower to approach him, still dejected.
He knew his anti despised him but he'll never get the reason why, and unfortunately..Scourge was too far gone to talk down from whatever path he was taking..the friendly route was no longer an option.
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wizkiddx · 3 years
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unusable faces
i have exams hence why i needed to write something exceptionally cringe :)
PSA: this is completely inspired from one of my fave writers own blurb @blissfulparker​ --> completely recommend u go read hers its much better than anything i could ever write!!!! (and just her whole account) = link
Summary: pure exhaustion and mutual pining, Tom Holland x actress!reader
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^(just thought this was cute, doesn't really fit aha but full credit to op!!)
A scheduling nightmare would be putting it lightly. Perhaps almost unavoidable but that didn’t make it any less of a hellish form a torture. Harry had very helpfully said it actually was a form of torture, that is sleep deprivation. Y/n loved her job - it was all she’d ever really wanted - yet that thought was quickly becoming not enough to get her through the day. Not when it felt like an interrogation tactic used by the CIA. 
To give a quick timeline of the past few days may give a little context:
Thursday - filming the fight scene all day plus an evening-turned-half-the-night-shoot due to some technically difficulties delaying the process.
Friday - flying to New York while doing read throughs of scenes for the next few days; followed immediately by getting glammed and filming the tonight show with Fallon; then a dash across town to the late late show with James Corden; then straight back on a flight to Atlanta that landed at stupid o’clock in the morning
Saturday - a full day of shooting in a mock grand central station set
The press trip to NY had been unplanned… to say the least. But the star of their studios other new release had taken ill - meaning they had slots booked on some of the biggest talk shows in America that would just be abandoned (angering the shows bookers too). It was a waste of perfectly good promo time and since the studio had their two other stars together doing a block of reshoots - it wasn’t a conversation. Much more a call demanding the two of them to be on the plane.
Normally this wouldn’t be such an unmanageable ask either, except the reshoot block was really rather time pressured. You see, the promo tour wasn’t far from beginning meaning they really needed the final film in the can. So really it was a bit of a mess. Just to free up that single day the two were in New York the whole schedule had had to be rejigged - in doing so they’d lost a rare day off too. It was just typical.  
The joys of success hey?
Well, that’s at least what Y/n was making herself think whilst her incredibly talented SFX artist was in the process of crafting a deep wound onto her upper arm. The reason why she would be ‘dripping with blood’ whilst at a train station was beyond Y/n to be honest - she hadn’t been allowed to read a lot of the script so even now as filming was drawing to a close, the story arc of the movie she was headlining was still a little ‘fuzzy’.
“So I watched your ‘spill your guts’ thing on YouTube” Ellie giggled whilst reaching over for more prosthetic putty- a technical term apparently
“I’m glad one of us enjoyed the experience” Y/n replied with a sigh, rolling her eyes at the mischievous smirk on her face - no doubt Ellie took great joy out of seeing her suffer through eating a thousand year old egg. Which Y/n swore the taste of was still in her mouth… and it seemed as though it’d never leave. 
“Oh don’t worry darling I did too” Nelli called over from the next chair along, where she was doing Tom’s makeup for the day of shoots. “Between that and the animals on Fallon, you made a hell of a lot of people laugh last night” Tom’s artist was referencing the fact one of Jimmys other guests was a zookeeper, so at the end of the interview he had you and Tom join in trying not to scream at the snakes and spiders.
“You mean laugh at us?” 
“Well of course darling!” Nelli exclaimed back in an overdramatic bronx accent making all three of the women burst out laughing, Ellie’s unceremonious snorts echoing through the trailer only egged them all on more.
Tom in response, who had otherwise been absent from conversation for the majority of the morning, exclaimed a curse and jumped up in his chair. While you and Ellie collected yourself, Nelli apologised to him.
“Oh sorry love, I’m interrupting your snooze with my uncontrollable comedic gift” She spoke sweetly, even if still taking the moment to flaunt to the other women, as she squeezed his shoulder compassionately.
“No no” Tom waved off her apology, attempting to rub his eye before Nelli swatted his arm away - a stern look for the risk of ruining all her hard work she’d put into making his face look half presentable. 
“I’m impressed you can sleep while they poke you with all these er instruments” Y/n added in, having only just realised Tom had been in a light sleep for god knows how long they’d been in that chair. It did seem a bit unlikely, being able to fall asleep as you were dabbed, prodded and brushed. 
“Maybe you should try though Y/n… your purple eye bags are proving a struggle even for me” Ellie quipped back, now it was Y/n’s turn to give the stern look. Tom took the explain though, shutting her off from whatever kindly meant insult she was about to throw back at her friend. 
“No normally never, I just….” He was cut off by an ear splitting yawn, appearing almost powerful enough to crack his jaw - which would be a disaster, for no one should ruin such a beautiful and sharp jaw line. “…uh-sorry. I just think I ended up taking my NyQuil and DayQuil the wrong way round in the madness of yesterday.” Only Tom, the poor kid often seemed to lacking in any form of common sense - even if those closest to him knew just how intellectual and passionate he could be about the right topic. Affectionately, Nelli scalded his idiocy by jokingly swatting his head with a little tut.
“I can’t believe your still standing then! I’m barely alive and I don’t have any sedatives in my system.” It was true, Y/n was at that stage where every part of her body felt ridiculously heavy… eyes included … eyes especially. 
“But I did sleep on the jet back while your stupid self was studying the script!” Tom replied with a pretty inarguable point - at the time he knew her actions were stupid;  when their flight took off at 11 PM he was certain that the most valuable asset to his ability to act in the reshoots today would be sleep - rather than character development. And he’d tried to convince Y/n that briefly, but gave up. She was bloody stubborn when she wanted to be. 
“Stop competing about who has it worse cos I think it’s me and Nell”Ellie announced - making Nelli agree empathically with her coworker, nodding her head as she looked first to Y/n in her chair then back at Tom.
“Yeh because we have to deal with your unusable faces!!”
After much sarcasm thrown back and fourth, the trailer slowly ebbed it’s way back into serenity and peace as both artists focused on their work. Once Nelli was done she excused herself, Tom staying in the chair in favour of studying (more like staring blankly) at the dialogue for this mornings scenes. His pretence didn’t last long though and while Ellie was busy adding the final touches of fake blood to the now almost completely believable gash that she’d crafted on Y/n’s arm - Y/n had her attention focused the opposite way.
At poor little Tom. He looked so childlike, his slightly puffy eyes looked as if they had weights tied to them - they way he was having fight against gravity to flutter his eyes open, before loosing the next second only for the process to repeat as they dragged downwards. The broad muscles of his neck occasionally seemed to occasionally let up a little, letting his head tilt slowly at first until it gathered enough momentum to throw him off balance. The then sudden movement of his head unconsciously pulling itself back in line caused his eyes to bolt open prior to the whole cycle repeating again. All Y/n wanted to do was let him lay down someone, her heart feeling a tug in her chest just seeing him like that. 
Ellie proclaimed her completion of the wound, leaning back to admire her work before looking to get an affirming nod from Y/n. Yet instead, she was too preoccupied gazing at the boy slouched across from them. “Someone seems a little distracted.” Ellie smirked, finally garnering Y/n’s attention, only feeling more and more smug watching a light tint appear on the actors cheeks. 
“I-well-no… we need to go.” Y/n ignored her words as though nothing had happened, instead rushing off the chair to get Tom out the chair and onto the awaiting set. They had places to be.
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||| (bcos im lazy)
Honestly when the director, Ed, called for lunch break, it was pretty apparent to be purely as a compassionate gesture to Y/n and Tom. Both of them had tried so hard this morning to fully commit, even so they’d both been almost completely useless. Y/n kept missing cues whilst all Tom’s actions and lines where slow, dragged out and at times completely prompted from someone behind the cameras. 
So when the lunch break was called there was only one thing on Y/n’s mind and what sandwich was available in the mess tent was not it. Still standing on the set next to her fake holdall bag she looked toward Tom, who was pulling himself up to standing from the train station bench - the pace of his movement making him look more like an old man. 
“You good?” His answer was predictable. 
“I’m so fucking shattered”
Tom swore he’d never heard anything sweeter come out of Y/n’s pink lips than her next statement.
“C’mon I know somewhere we can lie down.”
Without any sort of thought Tom blindly agreed, nodding as he took her outstretched hand in his. The gesture in itself brought a fresh wave of comfort to his aching limbs and as his feet stumbled to catchup with her slight head start he leant the majority of his weight into their connected hands. 
Neither would admit it but they were ‘a thing’… whatever the hell that meant. It was clear as day to everyone and anyone that worked closely to the two but neither of them had ever broached the topic with each other. They’d worked on a few films together over the years; each time they got closer and closer to the point any job without the other simply wasn’t as good. It was scary though, especially for two actors in the prime of their careers. If they weren’t working the same film they’d likely be the opposite side of the world to each other most of the time - quality time together would be few and far between, Really their jobs didn’t suit dating at all, yet it would be perhaps easier if one half of it worked a ‘normal’ job. Something with consistency, a regular structure. A level of dependability that neither Y/n nor Tom could offer to the other. 
So it was terrifying, acknowledging the growth in their magnetic attraction to each other. Both were acutely aware that doing that, confronting their feelings, would most likely signal the beginning of the end. 
Although none of this stoped Y/n from returning the gesture, tilting her shoulder into Tom’s left side as they took slow steps through and then out the set building. She steered the two past the hair and makeup trailer and round into a store and extra equipment trailer. Tom tilted his head as she climbed the stairs whilst beckoning for him to follow - it didn’t seem like the most obvious choice. Rolling her eyes, Y/n explained.
“It’s where all the blankets and coats and kept for the raining scenes plusssss no one will disturb us in here.” Again Tom was not in a position to disagree, eyes drooping as his shoulders sagged to the floor. Right now he’d take anything. 
So he climbed up the stairs and shut the door behind him, just as Y/n flipped the light on. She was right, it was well equipped and with an almost mountainous supply of red blankets that normally the crew and extra would all be wrapped up in after the freezing rain scenes with all the ‘waterfall machines’ as Y/n called them. However it was also um…. It was cosy. “Oh I don’t think I realised how small it was” She chuckled lightly, since now the door was closed her back was pressed up against the far wall of cabinets and still her front was mere millimetres from Tom.
“I…I don’t mind… if-if you don’t?”
“I’m too tired to care” She giggled in response, and Tom , now with her seal of approval, immediately started ransacking the piled shelves for all their worth creating a floor carpeted in the pale red of the blankets, in an attempt to make it more cosy. Joining in, it was almost remarkable how quickly their bodies suddenly agreed to move, with the new promise of rest mere moments away. 
Once the trailer was fully drowned, Tom kicked off his costume shoes and threw his jacket off - it haphazardly landing by the doorway. Y/n copied him, leaving her stood up whilst he had the advantaged of already settling down on the floor, her standing and looking down at him.
The space between the two opposing shelving units was not close spacious enough for two people to lie down whilst keeping a respectable level of personal space. Suddenly feeling a wave of awkwardness, Y/n stayed standing, wringing her hands slightly - whilst fairly certain Tom could hear her heart running at 100 mph. 
“You er… gonna stay there or?” Tom, contrary to popular belief, wasn’t a complete idiot - he could see she was suddenly self conscious. He got it too - they’d never crossed this boundary of choosing to cuddle into each other. It had happened once of twice accidentally over there 2 years of knowing each other. Both of those times it was completely accidental, falling asleep watching a movie with a safe distance of space b between the two, only to find hours later their bodies almost completely intwined. Tom would be lying if he said that his heart didnt skip a beat when he had awoken to Y/n’s soft and gently breath fanning into his neck. He’d loved it, but understood that was unconsciously breaking down part of the wall they’d both been the constructors of.
For fear of getting hurt. 
So now, as Y/n awkwardly bent down and lay on her side, he thought it was imperative to make her feel comfortable. Naturally then, his arm slid round her shoulders and pulled her down toward his chest, releasing a little breath as he felt her relax, her legs slowly wrapping round one of his. 
“This okay?” He murmured, now into the crown of her head as she lay half on her side half on his chest. In reply she nodded into him and Tom couldn’t help but grin- unbeknownst to him but Y/n was doing the exact same thing. 
The peace lasted all of 3 seconds until she groaned again.
“What?” Tom enquired as she wriggled out his hold and stood up. Instead of replying though she just leant over and flicked the one harsh light bulb off making Tom chuckle as she fumbled her way back onto the padded floor in the darkness, earning a few grunts from both as she accidentally kicked Tom’s thighs or banged her head on one of the now empty shelves. Fumbling her way back into a comfortable position, occasionally cursing when she stubbed her toe- or Tom did when she accidentally elbowed him in the ribs. 
“Comfy?” Tom asked a little sarkily as he squeezed her a little more into his side.
“Mhmmmm… I’m gonna sleep for 100 years”
“Yeh me… me too”
And with that they both almost instantly and in complete unison sagged into each other and the blankets - the pent up stress and tension of the past few days ebbing away.
What the pair had neglected to remember was that sleeping for 100 years wasn’t really an option. The whole crew of 50 people, who wanted to restart filming after 45 minutes, had not been told about Y/n’s little hiding place. The pair were so completely safe in their own little cocoon of comfort they were completely oblivious to their teams calling there names more and more frantically. Completely oblivious to the game of hide and seek the situation had descended into, completely oblivious to Harrys natural annoyance as the director asked him for the whereabouts of the two stars - as though Harry was childminder to the pair of them.
It was Nelli who found them first. She’d and Ellie and Tom’s manager had all been recruited by Harry as part of the man hunt. Both girls, having seen first hand the state of the two this morning, were fairly certain they’d both crashed out somewhere. So Nelli, already with a sneaking suspicion, opened the door gently, her figure blocking the majority of the light from seeping through to the dimly lit inside. The sight she was met with had her actually pouting at the cuteness - and yes its a cringey word but also the only one appropriate.
Between bedding down and barely an hour later the two had managed to become impossibly tighter pressed to each other. Y/n’s face was pressed into the crook of Tom’s neck and his arms seemed to have pulled her on-top of him almost completely. Her left leg was hooked under his right, which was then sandwiched by his left too. They both looked so pure and innocent and god did Nelli know they both needed any extra time they could get.
Nelli cared a lot about Tom, she’d been working with him from the beginning, from the child star days to now. She cared about him like her very annoying surrogate son and she wanted to see him looked after. She also so completely wanted the two stars to stop pining after each other. Because frankly it was getting a little frustrating for everyone else. 
So she chose to tactically forget about her discovery, sneaking a photo on the sly before silently pulling the door closed and leaving them to their sleep. 
289 notes · View notes
sanchoyo · 3 years
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danny phantom season 2, ep 12-16 thoughts! these episodes, in comparison to the first 10 or so, felt way more laid back and low-stakes, which I appreciate sometimes. I didn't appreciate how lazy jack's halfa design was in masters of time, it made me so annoyed I redesigned it. 👎🏻 u_u
see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3
-'picking a fight with me and my upgraded form!' 'you upgraded to a mullet?' DANNNNY. YOU CANT SAY THAT TO TECHNUS. YOUVE HAD A MULLET TWICE NOW ('fun' split danny, and evil future danny BOTH HAD THEM). I HAVE THE RECEIPTS.
-danny seeing technus hurting valerie and yelling I AM GOING TO BREAK YOU IN HALF. SAMEEEE <3
-axion labs is now a part of vladco. FUCK YOU VLAD. hes not even really IN this episode, but just thought I'd throw out a nice fuck you anyway.
-'capable of blasting a single person into space in (2) minutes!' tucker. that would kill someone. i mean yeah they might get to space, but theres NO WAY THEY WOULDNT CATCH FIRE, OR THEIR ORGANS WOULDNT LIQUIFY BECAUSE OF THE STRAIN. THEY'D PROBABLY PASS OUT BEFORE THEN, BUT. ...no, okay, I get why vlad bought this company. this is RIGHT up his alley.
-danny KNOWS VAL DIDNT DO THIS, THAT SOMEONE STOLE THE SUIT. AND SPENDING ALL NIGHT CHATTING WITH HER. <3 and val is a 9TH DEGREE BLACKBELT?? danny's mom is, too!! omg and she hunts ghosts, his parents would love her. and her fav fruit is kumquat bc its a funny word. im so with danny val is amazing. I love her and I Do Not Want To Hear It From Sam.
-I knew danny wanted to be an astronaut, but the bowling tidbit is like. yes give me more useless info abt these characters, I love tiny details that make them feel more human, and im glad hes got hobbies aside from ghost stuff, we dont really see a lot of that!!! (I mean, we knew 'fun' danny from when he split himself in half liked bowling, so obv it makes sense he LIKES it, but hes very GOOD at it. so proud of him, bowling king) val calling him neil armstrong and them teasing each other. LOVE THAT.
-technus you are my favorite grandpa for setting this up. SAM WHY ARE YOU BEING SO CREEPY BE HAPPY FOR YOUR FRIEND!!! STOP SPYING ON THEM!!! who actually cares if technus did 'set them up' together, theyre having fun and enjoy each others company!!! 'you think the universe wants you two to be together?' 'i dunno, but maybe /I/ do!' EXACTLY DANNY!!! SOO TRUE.
-and valerie being happy sam said she wants to try and be happy for them and make room at the lunch table for them. and hugging sam over it. VAL NEEDS MORE FRIENDS.
-VAL GOING AFTER TECHNUS IN HER SUIT WITH (1) MILK, AND (1) TREE BRANCH AND KEYS!!!. I LOVE YOUUUU BEST GIRL. her new suit kicks ass
-dannys like 'HEY IM AN ASTRONAUT :D' AW. ...HES IN SPACE... the fact he's actually intending to give her the ring. with SAMS NAME ON IT?? IM CRINGING DANNY NO. YOU CANT DO THAT...thank god he didnt. thank god valerie cut it off and said they can just stay friends for now. tbh, they both have a lot on their plates!! they obv both still like each other...it can be a future thing!! when she knows about phantom! youre 14 theres no need to rush. I just want her to have friends and be happy :(
-...danny struggles to do (1) pull up. SAME. but all the ghost fighting in phantom form REALLY doesnt carry over at ALL? that sucks
-sam being as fit as she is, is not just a goth. shes a goth jock.
-honey I Shrank Our Kid, One of his Enemies, and his Bully: the episode
-dash's crush on phantom is So Obvious. fitness buddies :) watching them interact always makes me laugh. also, phantom, with PANTS. 'how many costume changes you gonna go through, what is this, vegas??' DASSH DJKSFHASKDF
-MADDIE GOING AFTER THE MOUSE WITH A BROOM, WHAT THE FUCK. AAAH. JUST BUY SOME KIND OF MOUSE TRAP.
-danny likes lime and vinegar chips. which sound very good.
-'our boy finally has the physical prowess of a 60 year old president!' ...poor danny LMAO
-'what's wrong with beauty pageants' oh tucker you sweet naïve child. what ISNT wrong with them. who approved this for a high school?? (I mean, yes. unfortunately child pageants exist, but...) also danny and tucker once again treating the pretty girls like objects. I need to meet the grown man who wrote this, I just want to talk...
-prince aragon's dragon form reminds me of maleficent (color scheme wise) which is always a bonus. considering the episode is called beauty marked, I feel like the sleeping beauty references are deliberate
-sam with the fake fangs. once again her accessories never miss. hate the 'not like other girls, girls who get sucked into this kind of thing are all shallow and all want to be carbon copies' bs tho.
-sam trying to be the Worst Bride, being rude as shit. DORA IS GOING TO GET KILLED. DID YOU MISS THE PART WHERE SHE SAID THE PRINCE WILL HAVE HER HEAD IF YOU ARENT THE IDEAL BRIDE. YOU /KNOW/ DANNY WILL COME SAVE YOU. JUST ACT CHILL UNTIL THEN. even if you were doing fine to get him to take off the crown, consider maybe not letting his poor sister get punished also?? sure, she could also take off the crown and has dragon powers, but did you know that for sure?? dora didnt even really realize it until you guys talked!! (or at least, she was scared to stand up to him. you had no guarantee she would...) but. good for dora. ANOTHER friendly ghost to add to the List :)
-tucker is so under appreciated in his time. if he was doing a tech-based campaign today he'd have a better shot. people in 2004 had NO IDEA how much tech would be a part of our day-to-day lives...altho. tbh if you're going to be running for student council president, maybe you should..focus on things to actually improve the school? since he's going for a tech angle, he could say like, he would be running fundraisers for the schools computers to be upgraded, etc? we've already SEEN he can be good at money-making entrepreneur type stuff!!
-oh my god wait. this episode is JUST YUGIOH?????! A REBORN PHAROH USING A TEENAGER AS A VESSEL?? YESSSSSS
-tucker using his new minion to feed him grapes and carry him. AND LOCUSTS ONTO THE BULLIES. I love how when he's possessed, he gains winged eyeliner.
-this episode is giving me big 'plankton makes everyone in bikini bottom his slaves and build monuments of him from the spongebob movie' vibes. and the pharaoh has a traitor who works for him? VERY big yugioh vibes. aknadin confirmed
-I like that danny is still completely exhausted after using ghostly wail. (still patiently waiting on him to get duplication)
-LOVE the fenton's 80s outfits. I get hes 14 and embarrassed by everything they do because theyre his parents, but. cmon, this is one objectively cool thing theyve done. love 80s fashion.
-...was vlad just standing on that streetlight waiting for danny to come out? how'd he know they'd be coming out the back? how long has he been up there???
-oh, wait, his ecto-acne has flareups? that SUCKS. danny was...well I dont want to say he was LUCKY HE HALF-DIED, but he was lucky his was pretty instant (I'm assuming that had to do with the power/scale of the portals being different?) I remember in the ep we met him, vlad made a point of saying he was stuck in a hospital for a long time, so. that really actually sucks and I feel bad. not that it excuses anything he's done...but like. it does suck.
-vlad being so sure danny wouldnt help him he made it somehow contagious to his friends to make sure he'd get help? danny is a nice boy, he wouldve helped if it was anyone else. the only reason he wouldn't have is because of the shit vlad did to him, on purpose. vlad 100% dug his own grave by being the biggest asshole, so it is very hard to feel bad for him.
-clockwork is back!!! and making danny learn lessons The Hard Way. Uhhh, okay. I kind of get Danny’s logic, that time traveling this far back would prevent vlad from becoming a halfa also, ergo no arch nemesis or ectoacne to worry about. But the fact that was basically the first solution Danny came up with to solve this problem is actually so funny. It’s so extreme
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-APPRICIATION FOR THESE 80S LESBIAN BG CHARACTERS.
-vlad telling maddie in the lab (in the 80s) he has something he's wanted to tell her 'for a long time'...how long have they known each other? I assumed they met in college, since jack always calls vlad his college buddy/roommate, so jack and vlad for sure met in college, but did vlad know maddie longer? thats surprising if so. Tho we don’t know what year of college they’re in so they could mean they met as freshmen and a few years have past…speaking of maddie shes crushing the 80s look.
-vlad blames jack, but. maybe dont stick your face 2 inches from the portal??! THIS FEELS LIKE LAB SAFETY BASICS. IF SOMETHING HAS POTENTIAL TO BE DANGEROUS, DONT GET NEAR IT. WITH YOUR FACE UNPROTECTED IN ANY WAY. (altho jack didnt really give a Big Warning besides screaming BONZAI. so. also that, but cmon.) also, they need gloves, goggles, and to pull all of their hair back tbh. but fuck lab safety, I guess!
-cryyyyinnng at how lazy they were with jack's ghost form design, its just plasmius' design on jack!!! you couldve given him his own design!!
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-there. I did that in about 10 minutes and its somehow less lazy than what made it into the show. embarrassing! better yet, I think the episode would've been better if maddie would've gotten the ectoacne. or maybe its just me, wanting to see her design! anyway. I'm sure people have already done redesigns of them both as halfas. I have to go look after I finish this watch through. Also mildly frustrated jacks resentment and bitterness is basically also a copy paste of vlads backstory. They’re different characters, I really don’t think jack would stew in bitterness and jealousy the same way vlad would!! I also don’t think he’d give up after one time of trying to hunt ghosts and getting laughed at. Our canon timeline says different…I dunno, I get it was for laughs, but I’m annoyed because the POTENTIAL this plot has…
-did vlad really wear a stupid cheese hat to his wedding. ok actually that kinda rules. and the cheese door knocker. the dairy-only buffet table. vlad still got rich, just on being the New Dairy King. (Assuming that means he owns a lot of dairy businesses?) ok! this actually is great. hope maddie isn't lactose intolerant!
-'no matter how hard I tried, I could never get rid of my ghost half, the half I knew Maddie could never accept' ohh, ouch, what a horrible thing to say to her HALF GHOST SON. 'YOUR MOM WILL NEVER ACCEPT YOU' BASICALLY.
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-maddie strapping danny to the table with a lazer pointed at him in a secret lab she keeps from vlad that she makes a point of saying is sound proof so he can scream all he wants...CHRIST. DANNYS POOR PYSCHE.
-also, not to feel bad for alternate vlad (because, he did lie to maddie saying jack blames her and never wants to see her again...) but. being married to a woman 20+ years and she immediately goes back to jack? if she didnt love vlad and feels like she had to hide shit from him, and says she wasted her best years with him, WHY MARRY HIM. it feels like leading him on!!! cannot believe im feeling bad for vlad, but. this alternate timeline vlad is significantly Less Horrible than Our Vlad. did she not think she'd get funding for her ghost stuff? (which, fair assumption since they're considered 'ghost fanatics/nuts in canon...but...) why did she think jack or vlad would be her ONLY OPTIONS? be like your sister. be single. Actually, this au could’ve been really interesting if after the accident, vlad lied to her and said jack never wanted to see her again, but she stays single. Imagine how much that would bug vlad… like, in her mind, it was never a competition it was jack or no one type situation…
-danny being like 'leave him ALONE' this jack is a HOMEWRECKER, DANNY. let them go to court and settle this at the least. ...or just throw vlad into the portal. (100% human, defenseless vlad) CHRIST, MADDIE THATS BRUTAL. THATS MURDER.
-danny seeing his mom immediately accepting him and his dad being half ghosts in this universe, if I was him this would be a great sign that his universe's maddie would also.
-*maddie voice* "clockwork will help!" *2 seconds later, with clockwork* "I will Not Help." TOUGH LOVE KING. YES LET DANNY SEE THE SODA HIMSELF AND DEVOLP BETTER OBSERVATION SKILLS.
-when clockwork ""reset time to the way it was"" just before danny "meddled"" ...did he really erase a whole alternate timeline? ...damn. because maddie and danny both called it an alternate timeline by name, it splitting when the college incident went different, so it wouldnt have really mattered if he reset it, right. like because danny's timeline is on a different stream? why didnt clockwork just. show danny a replay and not Reset That Timeline. wh...I wonder how many people that Erased From Existence. Anyway! once again stating clockwork is casually terrifying!
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wri0thesley · 3 years
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many many anons under the cut bc i didn’t want anyone to feel like i was ignoring them and i wanted to respond to u all! warning for small text too, it was so long i wanted to make it look smaller fgbnjkgkjn
Anonymous asked: NAT... you can write WHATEVER you want! It's your blog, and I hope that rude anons can learn to respect that. I used to be on your blog just for jjba content too, so when you started getting into jjk I was indifferent but eventually you dragged me into jjk so hard!! I already like bnha, so seeing you write for it only made me happier! I hope that you continue to write whatever make YOU happy:) ❤and yes, longer fics certainly doesnt mean it's better, quality over quantity
ahh i’m happy that you are here for all three!! i always feel so accomplished when someone is like ‘your constant screaming made me think about jjk <3′. all three of the fandoms are fairly popular and i tag everything v carefully so i hope people who do use the filtering find that useful!!! 
Anonymous asked: Goodness gracious. People really be out there thinking they're entitled to dictating what kind of content you should be making
i think part of it might be that i do take requests so people feel like they have like . . . a certain right to certain kinds of my content? i take requests mostly bc they keep me motivated, i like making content for ppl who cant find what they want bc i’ve Been There, but maybe people think i am a pushover? idk i am just trying to have a good time!!!
Anonymous asked: Hi. I only started following you a few days ago but please ignore that rude anon. People are so fucking entitled towards writers it's insane. I recently had someone throw a fit for "spoiling" something in my fanfic, even though the fic was about a manga-exclusive character, so what did they expect?? Overall I've really enjoyed your writing so random assholes coming to guilt you is just a shitty thing that happens. Keep going with what you wanna do.
ah gosh anon i’m sorry about that :(. i’m always super careful tagging spoilers and stuff but like, if someone clicks on a fic about say, naoya or the steel ball run boys and is mad that i spoil something they havent found out yet . . . yeah thats on them fgbnkjgfkjn
Anonymous asked: That...that anon had the nerve to say "we". The fuck?! No no no anon, YOU'RE the only one talking and you're just talking for yourself, don't you dare try and lump us other anons/followers up with you to make yourself look like you're right. We love you nat and we appreciate you. It's your blog, you're allowed to write about whoever and whatever. This brain dead anon just needs to either go read someone else if they're that salty or write their own stuff if they're that impatient.
gosh i WISH some of my mad anons would just write their own stuff honestly. idk if this anon thought they were talking for everybody but i guess they expected anons to agree with them and not be mad at them. i appreciate u anon ;_;
Anonymous asked: Just want to say that ily and you’re one of the best jojo fanfic writers in my opinion 💗 I don’t think you’re half assing jojo fics and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you being multi fandom. A lot of jojo blogs have started posting about jjk so it’s not as if you’re the only one. I’m not sure why you get hate like this but I think it’s just because you’re one of the popular writers and that makes people bitter for whatever reason. Keep being you and posting about the things that make you happy 💕
honestly after so long writing for jojo - i’ve written well over 200 jojo reader insert fics - sometimes it feels like i’m retreading stuff, and that’s when i take a break bc i dont wanna half-ass stuff!!! i love all of my fellow jojo friends who are posting about jjk too, i appreciate them <3. 
Anonymous asked: Hey my dude, ur writing has really grown since the jojo days and its better and awesome seeing u become happier to branch off and write in different fandoms 🤌🤌 those stupid anons are just boring farts that couldnt be bothered making their own content 😤😤 is it possible to block them to ease ur mind?
hello anon!! i run a statcounter for IPs but it doesnt always work for ppl who access through the tumblr app, i don’t think; a lot of the anon hate i get i just use the ‘block’ option, but last night got to me because i’ve been getting that kind of writer a lot which is . . . a bad look for the jojo fandom who are, as a whole from the ones i’ve interacted with, lovely!!! <3
Anonymous asked: People often forget, the person behind art or writing, is just another regular fan. You deserve to be happy with what you create and we should be thankful you share your talent with us. You also have right to change your main interests, and it's very normal thing. Jojo is one of the MANY things that you write for and all you get from that is a like or share. Its not your job. It's your fun thing to do, in spare time. You haven't betrayed anybody. That person was just rude, selfish and bored.
i am just a person doing my best!!! anime fanfic is one of many interests i have and i already devote a lot of time to it honestly, i love when people tell me they’ve enjoyed something i made bc it makes it feel worthwhile but equally it gets to me a lot when people are rude because i am usually trying my hardest. 
Anonymous asked: Bro that jjba anon... the entitlement🤮 Fam, you write whatever you want to write😤 -Saturday
dfnjbkjnkgf i find most fic readers are NOT entitled at all and are just grateful but when they are . . . oof. 
Anonymous asked: It's funny how people throw "we got you popular" and they think you start apologize and cry. Your writing and passion made you gain few numbers on a follow counter, nothing more. I think I'm too old for stuff like this, we are nothing more, but +1 on a number scale. You ow us nothing, we ow you nothing. Popular... Funny word. You just write for fun of it, fake scenarios about someone's manga characters. It's not that deep. Have fun and don't listen to people like this. I knew it's not that easy, but they are really not that important as they think they are.
extremely fun fact for people who think ‘popularity’ is important to me: i would 100% rather have 10 people who regularly comment, reblog my fics with tags and interact with me than 100 people who read my fic and either leave a like or simply move on. i think this is true for the VAST MAJORITY of writers tbh. i’m glad that people think i am a ‘popular’ blog (i am not in the grand scheme of things, one of my ex-best friends used to run a kpop reader insert blog with like 30,000 followers) bc it gives me an ego boost lmao, but i really just want people to read and enjoy the stuff i write!!! 
Anonymous asked: I followed you a while ago for jojo and when my friends started getting into jjk i was like...eh sounds like work...but now that I see you writing for it I feel really motivated to get into it!!! I really enjoy your writing and I want to be able to read the new stuff too!
ah anon i really hope you like it!!! it’s only one season rn if u wanna watch the anime and there isn’t too much of the manga to catch up on either but it is a lot of fun and it’s nice to be in a fandom that’s like, excited about a new chapter and new plot developments every week!
Anonymous asked: Pls dont reply if u dont want to! <3 I'm not sure if this will be of any help to you or not but this is the kind of thing that often helps me and is the only way I know to try comfort others so I wanted to give it a go~
Now im not gonna say 'dont feel bad pls' bc I know that's not really useful but what I do think is useful is just discussing why that anon and many others feel the need to respond that way. As someone who follows a lot of writing blogs myself and have done for a long time, i've seen my handful of favourite writers come and go for different reasons, lose motivation for a while, gain motivation for a while, go from multi to single fandom, or single fandom to multi. Often times as a reader it can be upsetting when things change but it's also important as a reader to understand that some things aren't in anyone's control, I can't control what my favourite writers become a fan of or lose interest of, I can't control things in their personal lives that may motivate or demotivate them to write, but what I can do is support them as long as they're active, and if they move on to do things i'm no longer interested in or i'm the one that changed interests, rather than being upset that they're evolving to do other things or that they're not evolving with me, I think it's important that I still feel thankful for the works that I enjoyed while we were still on the same page and this is how I personally deal with those negative feelings. I think the anons that lash out at you probably just dont know what to do with themselves, maybe they got attached to your works while you were still only a jjba blog and now that you're evolving they're upset, while I understand how they feel, they're going the completely wrong way about it. I've learned to take these things and turn them into something positive for myself or at least something bittersweet that I can move on from but the anons that lash out at you for whatever reason probably haven't learned this yet. Maybe it's because i've moved on and changed interests a lot myself that I know how these things go for both writers and readers but those anons maybe haven't experienced this as much so they dont know what to do with themselves other than complain that you've changed and throw insults at you in an attempt to get you to revert back. None of this is because of the quality of your writing like they want you to believe, it's literally just because you've evolved and while some of your old followers might not like the new content for no reason other than it not being their cup of tea, it's definitely not regressed at all. You are pumping out a lot of content right now but every single thing i've read has just been better than the last. Things that really stand out to me is how well you get characterisation down to a T and all of your dialogue is just on point and from the pov of a reader I think those things seem the hardest to get right so I am such a huge fan of your stuff at the moment and I can tell you're really putting so much thought and care into each and every fic no matter how fast you're producing it, I think the fact that you're also proud of what you're writing at the moment really shines through as well and I just adore the passion that radiates from every completed request as well as in the responses for the subsequent thirsts resulting from these works that appear in your ask box later (I know i've sent quite a few by now~)
Just to be clear i'm not defending those anons in any way, while I can understand what they might be feeling/why they're reacting in the way they are I still believe it's just so immature to be hateful online point blank. Even during a time where I still got upset with writers if they started doing something else I still never targeted that negativity directly to the writer and sending rude or hateful comments whether on anon or not never something i'd stooped low enough to do even when I still had an immature way of thinking, however, I hope that it might make it a little easier to brush them off if we try and understand what they're really upset about, and that they're just putting the blame for their negative feelings onto the wrong thing rather than coming to terms with change themselves.
hello anon!! i appreciate the long message. i do feel bad for people who have no interest in what i’m currently producing and i get that they feel upset about it; i’ve watched a lot of fellow jojo writers move on completely or just stop posting, honestly. this kind of thing is why i was so intense about asking people if it would be better if i made a separate blog but the resounding answer seemed to be ‘i’m just vibing with whatever happens and i’ll block tags as needed’. 
i often return to works by my favourite reader-insert writers who no longer write for the fandoms i like (and i read stuff bc it sounds interesting or i trust the person who writes it), but change can be difficult and i guess at this point i’ve - whether u like me or not lmao - been a fixture in jojo reader-insert tumblr for a While so it’s probably kind of jarring. 
anyway i really appreciate you and the nice words! <3 
Anonymous asked: hi nat! I just wanted to pop in and say that regardless of what fandom you write for, the love and care you pour into your writing and into interacting with followers who care about your work as well is really obvious. you're doing this for FREE and people should appreciate what you've given us so far, since ultimately this blog should be for you, whatever that means to you at any point in time. it's ok to jump fandoms! the important thing is that you feel good about what you're producing and that it makes you happy. everyone else is just a bonus - but, seeing you on my dash certainly makes me happy : ) I hope you feel better soon!
thank you anon! i’m feeling much better and happier today. birthdays are very difficult for me (i did not think i’d be alive at eighteen, much less 25!) so this event is definitely kind of a way for me to concentrate on something else, and i’m a little bit extra sensitive atm. i appreciate you so much, thank you for the kind words!!! <3
Anonymous asked: Hello! I just wanted to say, write what YOU want and make YOUR writings as long as you'd like. 💖 To the anon who is like "We mAdE yOu FaMoUs dOnt HalF asS iT" stfu, let people do what they wanna do. If you think they half do it, write something better and longer you asshat.
this is an open invitiation to that anon to send me a link to their writing blog and i’ll hype them up i promise <3 
Anonymous asked: nat i'm so so sorry about that ask please know that your older followers don't share the same opinion :( sometimes people forget about the living, breathing person behind the screen smh. you are not a machine. you absolutely should not restrict yourself to posting about one fandom forever. yes, we're first pulled in by your amazing content, but we stay for your wonderful personality and work ethic. please just keep being you, taking up projects you feel comfy with! <333 bless u
ahh thank u anon! unfortunately i actually am a writing robot, i’m sorry u had to find out this way. my jojo chip has been removed, please send it back so i can continue to not half-ass my jojo work. fgnjkbgjkfn thank you so much angel!!! i appreciate you ;_;.
Anonymous asked: i don’t think it’s fair for other people to say shit about what you choose to write about because on tumblr and other writing platforms, writers are constantly developing how they write and the fandoms that they write for. it’s not fair for someone to criticize that “you don’t care about jjba blah blah blah” because you can enjoy new shows/manga. and like you said you’ve grown so much!! proud of you nat and im glad that ive been able to read your works (sincerely other nat)
i am STILL waiting for you to come and fight me other nat fgnjkbnf. it’s nice to be enjoying different things! i am constantly learning new things and reading new works and making new friends and improving and i think that’s important. i do care about jjba - a lot! but i can care about other things too! <3 
Anonymous asked: I may not be one of your oldest followers, but i've been here for almost 3 years. Yes, i started following u for ur jojo content, but let me tell u, ur newfound motivation and enthusiam for other fandoms was honestly contagiuos for me. And i say this as a person who finds very difficult to move from one interest to another. Jojo is great, but so are other fandoms. Please don't let some faceless scum rob u that motivation. This is ur blog and u r always free to write whatever u want.
honestly, i have been there! i am autistic and i have special interests and watching other people move on to stuff i’m not vibing with has made me sad in the past, but i want people to be happy more than anything and sometimes that means new things and change! <3 
Anonymous asked: Hi Nat! I saw that rude anon message & I just wanted to pop in & say that they're wrong. You're not betraying anyone & you should write whatever it is you want to write. I followed you for jojo & I'm not familiar with the other fandoms that you write for, but personally it makes me SO happy to see you enjoying new things! It's always good to find joy wherever you can, so keep writing what you're interested in. There a lot of ppl who want to see you happy and healthy <3
honestly the idea of it being a GRAND BETRAYAL is so funny, i am just writing anime fanfic here and thriving!!! tysm anon! <3
Anonymous asked: Those anons can piss off! They have no right to judge how long or how short your writing is. If they want longer content write it their damn selves. I think your writing has improved wonderfully and I originally followed for Jojo and I'm enjoying all the content period. I don't even watch jujutsu ( not my cup of tea personally) but I love seeing the creativity and the interactions. You write what makes you happy Nat and that's on that! You don't owe anybody anything! I know how hard writing is and when your consuming new content it's hard to make content for something else. That doesn't mean you don't like it any more your just doing something different for a while. Love you and your content and I'm enjoying the love your putting into your content whether long or short. ♥♥💕 Sending love your way!
honestly my idea of ‘short content’ is still over 1k words, i’m not good at reeling myself in! i guess it’s bc they see like, 1.5k jojo fic versus 5k jjk fic but it’s not that i didn’t enjoy the first fic, just that the point and the story came a lot quicker and so did the natural end! thank you anon, i appreciate you ;_; 
Anonymous asked: Hello! Just wanted to let your know that I think your writing is awesome, and that you should write for whoever and for whatever you want to! You dont have to stay loyal to one fandom or anything, and your followers shouldn't expect that from you! It's not like they are paying you to write, you are doing this for free, and because you enjoy it and it makes you happy! If they dont like your stuff, they dont have to follow you, they can go to other blogs that cater to their taste, and they definitely don't need to be sending you such hurtful comments, and they dont get to make you feel sad about your writing! Just because they followed you during your earlier stages of writing, doesn't mean you owe them some type of loyalty or compensation! You can write literally whatever you want as long as it makes you happy! That's what your hobby and your blog are for! I hope you know that alot of your followers love your work and think that you are an amazing writer and are down to support the work that makes you happiest! 💖💖
ahh thank you so much anon!!! i am always so bowled over by how many people are nice to me when something like this happens, i am sending you my love <3
Anonymous asked: don’t listen to them!! we love you as a writer no matter what you write, because you’re a good person and a talented writer!! you shouldn’t have to change what you write to please a bitter person, and if they only want jjba, they can go to another blog instead of bringing you down. you’re doing amazing and they should be thankful you grace us with your talents!!
to be totally honest, if i was half-assing or not vibing with content i was making i just. wouldn’t post it. like you’d be able to TELL when i was half-assing stuff just to get words out (source: i have re-read my own nanowrimo works). there are lots of great jjba blogs who could do with more followers n interaction!!! i hope they do find them and i hope they’re nice to them :(. 
Anonymous asked: Please don’t pay attention to that anon. People only have that confidence when they have anon turned on. Them looking through your blog despite feeling that way is peak fan behavior and speaks to how addicting your writing is. Naturally, you can’t please everyone and there will be people who are irrational and feel entitled to tell you what to do or what to write no matter what. Trust me when I say they’re a small minority and are more likely probably passing viewers rather than regulars. I check your blog about three or more times a day because I love reading not just your fics but also your takes, banter with other anons, or even random updates. Brainrot posts? LOVE TO SEE IT!!! Desk update? AMAZING!!! With that being said, don’t feel pressured to continue pushing out content for others. Write what makes you happy! You’ve been writing for JJBA for 4 years and it’s completely normal + healthy to get into new media. I’m not sure if it would mean much, but your love for JJK has gotten me excited to start it too!!
anon i really hope you enjoy it!!! sometimes these anons remember stuff i’ve posted and said better than i do tbh, i am living in their heads rent free i guess! 
Anonymous asked: I've been following you for a couple of years and honestly it would always be a joy to see when you posted. Your writing has improved and I'm very happy you're enjoying yourself ! I know it hurts hearing and seeing stuff like that but I'm happy you're here. I'm honestly blessed everytime you post. Your writing is phenomenal. I love reading it even if its characters that I dont care for. You capture their essences so well and weave an amazing tale within the prompts and whatnot. You're amazing nat!
wehh thank you so much!!! re: the improvement, i really don’t feel like it has and then i re-read something i wrote when i first started and i’m like oh my god maybe it has. did i really write about jotaro acting like that. 
Anonymous asked: Hi Nat. I recently became a follower of yours and I'm really saddened to see you get hate. You seem like a genuinely sweet person with amazing talent! I'm a writer myself and, unfortunately, get the same kind of comments. And when you get those comments, it doesn't leave you feeling motivated. People need to understand that people can and will, at times, grow out of fandoms. (1 Not just that but you're doing all of this for free. Again, I'm sorry you got such a comment. But please know that I'm proud of how far you've come. I'm proud that you're living a life that makes you happy. And no matter what fandom you may find yourself in next, I will always enjoy your writing. Take care of yourself. (2 end
HELLO NEW FOLLOWER I LOVE YOU (i get a lot more a day now than i used to and i feel guilty about not being able to look through so many blogs but i do try and follow back other writers for my fandoms!! ;_;). i’m sorry you get the same kind of comments! i’m always just happy to see people i like enjoying new things, even if i have no interest in it (hello to all of my mutuals who write for hunter x hunter and haikyuu, not interested but i’m sure you’re having a great time and i support you!!!). 
Anonymous asked: I'm sure you're getting a barrage of supportive messages now (at least I hope so) but I figured I'd add my voice, because I'm a longtime follower. Your writing is, and always has been, wonderful. I've been so happy to see you and Haz get to a place that works for you both. Idk if it's obvious for everyone, but you seem like you're emotionally in a pretty good place most of the time these days, and it makes me really happy to see that. I followed years ago for JJBA content, but I stayed because regardless of what content you put out, I find your wit delightful. And I'll stick around even if you move fandoms entirely, because whatever content or editorializing you produce is going to be worth reading, regardless of what it's for.
ahh, anon!! thank you for sticking around so long, sorry if you’re old enough to have been around the vore and jorts and spider rohan fiascos! <3 i am definitely a lot more stable than i have been and - barring the Pandemic Related Mental Health Issues - happier! i’m glad that it’s noticeable! <3
Anonymous asked: It actually makes me mad how entitled some people are. Nat, you're not a content creating machine and those who expect you to be are not worth wasting a thought on. Your love for something is not measured in word counts and for you to write every day without getting burned out in the slightest you really must have a burning passion and huge dedication to your craft. If others decide to send hate then allow me to send admiration because I can feel your love and hard work in each post you make!
i try and write every day bc it’s super good for my little ocd/autistic brain to have routines and distract itself, so i’m glad other people can enjoy them because that makes me motivated to carry on! like, i write for myself mostly bc the content i want i sometimes get find, but filling requests and writing for other people also leaves me with happy warm fuzzies too! i appreciate you!! <3 
Anonymous asked: If people only care about your writing for the jojo porn that’s on THEM, not you. Your writing was amazing when I followed about a year ago, and it’s only gotten better and will continue to get better! I think it really comes through when you enjoy what you’re writing and it adds a whole other layer of worth to it, because not only are you making free content but you LIKE that content and we can all gush about it together!!! More than just fans, I think you’ve created a community here and we don’t just stick around to read smut, I promise you that. -Reronon
i do miss having a discord community bc it was nice to talk to everyone in real time but it was hard work, i am glad that people feel like they can just come into my askbox and gush! i’m not very friendly in real life and people tend to think i am cold and stuck up so i work very hard to try and seem friendly and approachable online, which is much easier for me because i get to think and re-draft before i type! <3 
Anonymous asked: Hi Nat! I’m sure you’re getting a lot of messages like this right now but I just wanted to say for what it’s worth that, as a person who originally followed you for jjba content and hasn’t watched/read any of the other series you’re currently writing for, I’m honestly still along for the ride. This is your blog and you’re allowed to do what you want with it and put out what content you feel like writing. Sometimes??? People acquire new interests??????? Shocking! I know absolutely nothing about jjk or bnha but out of curiosity still read some of your posts about them and even though I might not Get It, I still enjoy them because I think you’re a very talented writer! Honestly, as long as you’re still writing, I’m still down to clown, and whenever you take breaks (which are important!) I’ll still be waiting for your return or supporting and respecting your decision to stay away longer. Don’t let the entitled assholes get you down. Utilize YOUR blog and YOUR space however YOU choose. Your talent and kindness speak for themselves. Love you!!! ❤️❤️❤️
anon i care about you and i am so appreciative of you and everyone for sending me such nice messages! i am running out of ways to say it but it’s true, it really does mean a lot to me ;_; <3
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dahliax · 4 years
Text
Goddess of the Sun
Chapter Two
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Description : Zuko x oc Dahila, Goddess of the Sun who was sent by the spirits crosses paths with Ursa, who changes her life forever.
Note : I started this fanfic for fun but now I like it. I haven’t posted fanfic in years but I thought it would be fun to start again. It’s obviously not amazing but I’m hoping to improve with practice. I’m also open to requests in my ask box preferably just Female!Reader x Zuko or Sokka (fluff, smut, oneshots, and headcannons are welcome). Right now I’m character building for the first few chapters soon we will get to the good parts :) Let me know what you think so far! 🌸 (im real soft so pls try not to be too mean)
Warnings : fluff, angst, eventual smut (in aged up chapters).
꧁𝐶ℎ𝑎𝑝𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑂𝑛𝑒꧂
꧁𝐶ℎ𝑎𝑝𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑇𝑤𝑜꧂
꧁𝐶ℎ𝑎𝑝𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑇ℎ𝑟𝑒𝑒꧂ Coming Soon
10 years later
“But Zuko, what if I want to be the hero this time!?” Dahlia’s voice echoed through the palace gardens.
With a sigh Zuko turns “I guess you can play the hero this time. But I am NOT playing the princess,” Zuko finally said yes to the little girl standing in-front of him. She gasped and squealed and ran as fast as she could to give her best friend a big hug.
“Yay! But who will play the princess?”
“I will”
Dahlia and Zuko turned around to see where the voice was coming from. Azula.
Dahlia’s stomach dropped. Azula never played fair and someone always got hurt by the time she was ready to quit playing. “Zuko, maybe we should just play with the turtle ducks,” Dahlia whispered so only Zuko can hear but she was wrong. “Well it would only make sense.. I am a princess in real life.. I would be perfect for the role!” Azula slyly slips closer to them igniting the fear in Dahlia she was all too used to here at the palace.
“Okay then I can play the villain!” Zuko faked being excited. He shot Dahlia a soft look seeing in her eyes that she was scared. He hated seeing her this way, she was his best friend after all. This always made Azula jealous seeing her brother constantly playing with Dahlia instead of her like Ty Lee and Mai. Azula knew there was something off about Dahlia, why would her mother bring a random peasant baby into the palace? This made Azula’s blood boil even hotter, mapping out her attack plan quicker than Dahlia could even blink. She’s been dealing with this for too long. She had to end Dahlia.
Azula smirked and pushed out a huge ball of fire at Zuko and Dahlia. Zuko’s heart stopped, “hey! You know we don’t use fire outside of training and around Dahlia you know it’s not fair!” Zuko squeaked after diverting the fire. Dahlia’s heart sank, another reminder that she could never stand a chance against Azula without bending.
“Well Dahlia, you wanted to be the hero, now be one” Azula’s words were like venom in Dahlia’s heart, everyone knew she couldn’t stand a chance. “Don’t hurt anyone Azula” Zuko said lowly. “Now what makes you think I’d do that Zuzu? It’s just a friendly game” Azula smirked and threw another fireball at the two children. It was always fun and games until Azula showed up. Zuko diffused the fireball while Dahlia ducked only to see Mai and Ty Lee coming through the entrance of the gardens. She was in big trouble now.
Zuko was trying to make a plan in his head. But he knew he wasn’t as strong as Azula, she was so much farther in training than him. Before Zuko could think another thought Azula sent another blast knocking Dahlia and Zuko on their butts.
“Guards! Arrest this man!” Azula yelled at Ty Lee and Mai. They ran to Zuko before he could get up and wrapped his wrists with Mai’s hair ribbon. A blush crept up on Zuko’s face from Mai’s touch, he had a crush on her. Dahlia watched, she felt so helpless. The boy she had a crush on was entranced by another girl and her bully was standing right in-front of her waiting to attack.
Deep in Dahlia’s heart she’d hope Azula would show mercy to the little girl sitting there with tears welling up in her eyes. She had no way out. And Azula never showed mercy, she seen it as weakness. And as soon as Zuko looked over from Mai’s eyes a crack of lightning came from the sky and the most disturbing scream rang in Zuko’s ear drums.
Everyone’s heart stopped. But Dahlia continued screaming. Tears immediately hit Zuko’s eyes.
“Finally! My best move yet! Daddy will be so proud” Azula squealed and kicked Dahlia over on her side. Zuko was almost positive she was dead. There’s no way a regular 10 year old could survive but somehow she was still screaming. The fire in Zuko’s heart made him see red and he immediately destroyed the ribbon around his wrists, running over to Dahlia and cradling her head in his small hands.
“Dahlia are you okay?” Zuko managed to speak even though he could barely hear himself. Dahlia thrashed in pain, blood trickling out of her side. Zuko noticed the lighting marks crawling up her hip under the destroyed part of her kimono. His heart sank. She’d have this scar forever if she survives. Soon they could hear frantic foot steps coming from inside the palace. Zuko pushes up from his feet fuming, “Why would you do this?!”
“Azula!” Iroh and Ursa scream in unison seeing Azula above Dahlia giggling. “Look mom you’re going to be so proud! I can use lightening now!” Azula smirked brightly but Iroh and Ursa were less than impressed. Iroh had been visiting and Ursa wanted the kids to be on their best behavior but obviously Azula couldn’t let that get in the way of her plan.
“Get the healers immediately and prepare the royal hospital room,” Ursa quickly said to the guards. “The royal hospital room? She’s a peasant!” the guard talked back. Iroh’s eyes widened, “I don’t think it’s your place to be questioning her royal highness in such a situation. Now go.” Iroh said coldly. Ursa ran to the children trying to ignore the tears threatening to spill over. To say the least Dahlia was the daughter Ursa wished Azula was.
“Azula. Go see your father.“ Ursa had enough of Azula’s antics. And everyone knew if Ursa sent anyone to Ozai that they were in big trouble.
ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ
Dahlia’s eyes finally fluttered open to see Ursa sleeping on the chair aside her. Dahlia panicked, she didn’t recognize where she was. Her eyes adjusted to see its the royal hospital room. She grabbed Ursa’s hand startling her awake. Tears lining Dahlia’s eyes as she remembered what happened. “I-I” she could barely speak, her throat felt like it was on fire from screaming, “I tho-thought I was going to die” she finally said with tears flowing down her cheeks like a waterfall. Ursa pulled her into a gentle hug minding her wounded side. “You’re safe now darling, I promise” she croaked out exhausted from crying and all the emotions the day brought.
ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ
“You know Zuko would like to see you,” Iroh says to Dahlia while she scans the book he brought for her to read during recovery. “Oh no Iroh.. I look so terrible right now” the redness in her cheeks told Iroh all he needed to know. “Don’t worry ladybug, he told me he thought you’re the most beautiful girl in the palace” he said in hopes to lift her spirits. Somehow Dahlia’s face got even redder, “You’re only saying that to be nice” she said as she crossed her arms.
“Well he’s got a present waiting for you and I’m sure you’d like to see what it is,” Iroh teased. “That might be true but I know he doesn’t think I’m the most beautiful girl in the palace” she said stubbornly. Iroh chuckled, “How are you so sure?” he says challenging her stubbornness as usual. “He told me he likes Mai and that Ozai thought it was a good idea”
Iroh sighed, realizing how quickly these kids were growing up now that Ozai was preparing a wife to marry off to his son when he turns 18. He knew Ursa would have none of it. But now Iroh was confused, Zuko really did tell him that he thought she was the most beautiful girl in the palace. “I’m not lying to you Dahlia, I’m not sure why he would change his mind” but they both knew why. Even if he chose Dahlia the nation believes she’s a simple peasant with no bending abilities who just got lucky. But Iroh knew one day the secret would come out.
“Ladybug, how things are now are not how they will always be. Your destiny is your own not Ozai or Azula can change it. Now, would you like some jasmine tea?” He says getting up to grab the pot. “Yes please! Can you mix the camomile in?” she says excitedly. “Zuko will be out of training soon. I told him to stop by” Iroh said and Dahlia just let out a loud huff, too tired to argue any further.
ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ
"Zuko! You're in luck..the tea just finished..How was training?” Iroh said getting the cups ready for them “Fine I guess. It’s weird not having Azula there though,” 
Dahlia almost questioned why Azula wasn’t there but then she saw that Zuko was hiding something behind his back. A blush rose to her cheeks. ‘He really did bring me something’ she thought. Iroh nodded at Zuko and said, “Oh I must have forgotten my cup. Excuse me for a moment.”
Dahlia wanted to crawl in a hole. She knew Iroh did that on purpose.
“So how are you feeling?” Zuko said walking closer to the hospital bed. “Fine I guess. I can’t walk yet.” she said sadly which made Zuko feel a pain in his heart. “I’m sorry I didn’t do better. I failed at protecting you. But I hope these fire lilies make you feel better” he said sweetly. Dahlia’s jaw dropped, the only place you can get pink fire lilies near the palace was to hike the the Eagle’s Volcano. Her lack of response made Zuko falter, “Do you hate them? I-I’m sorry it was stupid-“ “No no! I love them! They’re perfect..” she trails off admiring their rare color.
Zuko was feeling pretty used to rejection. All the gifts he got for Mai she hated. He was tired of trying to impress her for his father even if he had a tiny crush on her because he had a bigger, deeper crush on Dahlia that’s been lingering in his heart for as long as he could remember. She was the most beautiful, fun girl he knew and now that he was alone with her he was going to do something about it.
“You know where they would look perfect?” he said touching the soft petals “Where?” she replied looking into his honey filled eyes as he pulled a flower out of the bouquet. “In your hair,” he said as he pushed her hair behind her ear and placed the flower in her long brown hair. Just as she relaxed into Zuko’s touch, the door opened. “I brought an extra guest for tea, I hope you don’t mind” Iroh announces as Ursa follows in behind him.
The smiles on their faces were priceless, they knew exactly what was going on. “Well don’t you look just like a beautiful doll,” Ursa gushed and pressed a kiss to both the children’s heads. Both of them blushing like mad.
I hope you guys liked this chapter!! idk how I feel about it yet! Requests are open! I wanted to let everybody know that any suggestions are welcome!! Totally helps out when I get overwhelmed with ideas!!
Taglist: @darkskin-buttercup @marvels-gurl @haylaansmi
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