#me & endings is just. like. idk idk every time i have 10-20% left of anything over 5k my brain just starts going into high-pitched static

[queerofthedagger]

every single time. yes I did this instead of wrapping up the goddamn fic leave me be

#mona rambles #on writing #sigh #me & endings is just. like. idk idk every time i have 10-20% left of anything over 5k my brain just starts going into high-pitched static #which is ANNOYING #i have deadlines to meet bla bla bla #anyway #on the bright side. tarot fest is almost done if i can #yk #defeat the horrors

[genderqueerdykes]

hello, I'm a younger transmasculine person and I was curious about a few things (for reference I live in the us in a fairly left state)

- how do you get started on testosterone?

I've never gotten a clear answer on this, some people said it took a two year queue, others could start immediately. idk when I want to start, but i dont want to be confused on what to do when I get the ball rolling

- are there alternatives to shots, and do they work better or worse?

I dont think I could do the shots myself unless there's no other options, something about them just makes my bones hurt

- how often do you have to apply T, and what happens if you forget to take it?

I'm pretty forgetful and I'll probably not take T on the scheduled date at least once, I hope that won't screw with anything because I don't really know if you've got to be consistent with it

- do you have any tips for clothing/voice training?

I think I pass at least a little okay but my voice is one of the things I'm most self conscious about. I also find myself spending 10-20 minutes every morning pulling my shirt against my chest to see if my binders working, and just end up wearing the same sweater I have for the past few weeks

sorry if that's alot, even if you're a stranger you're the first person I've been able to ask about these things. thank you so much

these are all great questions, i'm so glad you're taking the time to ask! this is extremely thorough and well thought out!

How do you get started on testosterone?

That's a great question, i feel like a lot of people have barriers to this one. if you are in a state where you have access to Planned Parenthood, this is usually a good place to start. check to see if you have a transgender resource center in your area. if not, go to whatever local lgbtq organization you can find, even one in a college. it is also possible to search gender affirming care [area], but clinicians aren't always available via Google

Here is a list of informed consent clinics that provide gender affirming care services, you may want to look here.

The process looks different for literally everyone, that's why no one can give you a clear answer, i'm so sorry! it's such a chaotic process for all of us. some trans men will literally get their prescription for testosterone within a month, others it does take years. do some research and see if therapy is required before hormones will be prescribed in your area. if not, you will likely have a much faster and easier time getting your hormones. if you don't need therapy, generally you'll just need to sign some consent forms and waivers stating that you are aware of what you are going to do to your body.

Are there alternatives to shots, and do they work better or worse?

all forms of testosterone are equally effective, it just depends on the dosage and the person. currently in the united states, you can get topical testosterone in the form of an alcohol based gel! it is applied topically to the upper forearms or abdomen, generally daily. it works just as well as the injectable testosterone, so long as you respond well to it! there is also the option of having your clinician do shots for you if you don't respond well to gel, as well.

nebido also may be available for FtM HRT in your area!

How often do you have to apply T, and what happens if you forget to take it?

Daily for topical gel, anywhere between twice a week, once a week, to once every two weeks for shots, depending on the person, how well they tolerate the medication, their transition goal, and the dosage.

Do you have any tips for clothing/voice training?

In terms of vocal training, AmaRoseLessons, Zoey Alexandria, and Trans Vocal Training are YouTube channels that can help with vocal training exercises, and i can also recommend the r/transvoice subreddit as well if you need help figuring out how to practice and ways to integrate what you learn into how you speak naturally!

For clothing, really anything goes, it depends on what you're going for and how you want to look. Remember that your personal style still gets to be included in the mix! Generally speaking, bulkier shapes that obscure the shoulders, hips and chest help a lot, layering of clothes, and wearing clothes with "boxier" cuts. Heavier shoes like boots may help, you may also find you like dress shoes. it really depends on your personal look, but generally speaking, i say go into the "men's" section and go nuts. Whatever they wear, you can wear too, and it gets the point across.

Hope that helps! Thanks for laying out your ask in such a concise way, that's much appreciated! If you need any more help feel free to ask!

#asks #answers #transmasculine #transmasc #trans man #trans men #ftm #trans boy #trans boys #trans guy #trans dude #non binary #nonbinary #trans #transgender #vocal training #voice training #voice #vocal #transition #resources

[bekkathyst]

Sometimes it really hits me how much has happened since I’ve been on this website and have had my little shop. Idk if it’s nostalgia or just procrastination of my current to-do list but I feel like writing out a little synopsis of what’s happened over the years lol. Also for any new followers, you can catch up haha

Also there will be some vague mentions of rough/traumatic circumstances, so just a warning!

I opened my first tumblr account when I was still in high school in like 2009 because all my friends were on here. I had like a fashion blog at one point, a recipe blog at another, but eventually I settled into my little witchy nature crystal niche where I felt the most at home.

In 2013 I was living in a horrible studio apartment in central Los Angeles with my now husband Antonio and we were living in poverty. He was being paid under the table below minimum wage and I was an unemployed high school dropout. I was struggling to find any kind of job and I also knew that it would be impossible for me to keep one because of how I am. (Which at the time I didn’t realize was the result of neurodivergence and a lot of trauma). I was just happy to be away from the abusive home I grew up in and I was really determined to make things work somehow, as impossible as it seemed. Eventually I decided I needed to just work for myself. A job wasn’t going to fix anything for me, and where I was wasn’t safe for me to be walking to and from a job anyway. I dealt with a lot of harassment every time I left my apartment so I pretty much became a hermit for the years I lived there.

One weekend with $10 from our grocery budget I went to a little shop that sold tumbled stones on the Redondo Beach pier and decided to buy a couple and some wire and make some pendants. I also had quite a few stones from my collection from childhood and I used those, too. And I opened my first Etsy shop! I honestly cringe when I look back at pictures of my work from this time, I’d really like to think I’ve come a long way lol.

It took several months to get a single sale and at least a year before I had any kind of consistency. For the next couple of years I worked on my little shop while Antonio went to work. In 2015 we decided that my shop was making just enough for us to work on it together and move somewhere else. So we ended up finding a mobile home for rent on some lady’s horse ranch in the mountains of unincorporated riverside county and we moved there.

We planned to stay for quite a while, but before even a year had passed, life drastically changed again. In early 2016 my little sisters came forward about the abuse they were facing and our father was arrested and a years long criminal court case began. Because my mother was undocumented and had spent the last 20 years pretty much just hiding at home, all their care fell on me. We took in my mom and my 3 sisters and had to move. We found another manufactured home in the same area and we all moved in together. I was truly not financially or emotionally prepared for this and it was extremely difficult. On top of that we were all very traumatized. I had not yet been open about the abuse I had faced because I wasn’t ready.

Amid that struggle is when my mom decided to start working with us as well! And she helped us grow our shop some more until we were a little more stable. Eventually we realized we had to find a bigger home and in 2017 I finally got to realize my goal of living in the big mountains and we found a lovely big house in Big Bear.

Actually during this time I have gaps in my memory so there are some things I start to mix up, but shortly after we moved I also decided to come forward about the abuse I faced which unfortunately further complicated the court case. We were looking at a trial date in 2018 which would eventually get pushed to 2019. But during 2018 my niece was born and I also ended up taking in one of my half brothers as well. So our household was now 9 people that were all surviving off of my shop’s income. Also during this time (I think it was actually 2017) we had been talking to one of our suppliers about taking over their wholesale warehouse near Los Angeles. It was presented as a huge business opportunity and I saw it as a chance to better things for us and hopefully ease the struggle. Taking this opportunity actually did the exact opposite. We were quite honestly deceived and ended up being straddled with a failing business. I lived 2017, 2018 and most of 2019 in a haze. Like I mentioned, I really don’t remember much and sometimes I see posts I made during that time and I’m really surprised by them. I think it was just the combination of extreme stress, burn out, sleep deprivation from trying to run 2 businesses and taking care of a massive household, and the trauma of having to recall all these repressed memories from my childhood.

But, somehow I survived. The plus side of coming forward about my abuse is that it gave me access to free therapy and I ended up finding the most incredible therapist that helped me start my healing and recovery from burnout.

Eventually in early 2019 our court case happened and we all testified in front of a jury, and our father was found guilty and is now serving a 300 year plus sentence. It took me the rest of that year to come out of the haze I’d been living in. After the court case, I decided to take the leap and open our brick and mortar shop in Big Bear. It was the thing I actually wanted to do with all my heart.

Then… 2020 came around. Covid hit and it was the final nail in the coffin for our warehouse business. We closed it and gave up. My other half sibling that was working at the warehouse ended up moving in with us as well and so did a friend of mine, so at this point our household was at 11 or so people and we were beginning a pandemic. I had also found out that I was pregnant.

Finding out I was pregnant caused the biggest flip of a switch in my brain. I knew I couldn’t keep living the way I was living anymore. I couldn’t keep burning myself out and over extending myself to people. I had to put up some kind of boundaries and create a healthier environment. With the help of my amazing therapist supporting me, I made this a reality. It’s also when I finally decided that as soon as we could, we’d be moving to Austria, the country my mother was from, where I had also lived as a young child. I knew I had to make life better, I knew I had to release all of this chaos.

In early 2021, still of course in the middle of a pandemic, our landlord said he wanted to sell our house so we needed to move out and he would not be renewing our lease. This was right when the housing shortage really started to hit our area. I had an infant daughter and all these people in my care and I was very scared. By some miracle we found a listing for a house in the high desert, about a half hour away from our brick and mortar shop and we went for it. We knew we had no other options. At this point most of my household went their own ways and found their footing. So me, Antonio, our infant daughter, my mom, my youngest sister, and my toddler niece all moved to this house in the desert. I knew that this was temporary and I told myself I would not be here for longer than a year. Once our year lease was up, we’d make it to Austria.

It was a lot of work and honestly I probably could have made some smarter choices now that I look back, but early 2022 we sold all our inventory from our brick and mortar shop to a wholesaler and closed it up. And then we moved!

And now here we are, a continent away from where we started. Much happier, much healthier. Now we’re not selling nearly on the scale as we were before, but I know that with time we’ll be back to the level we were at. And I really hope to open a brick and mortar store somewhere in Austria sometime soon.

It really amazes me that some of you have been here from the beginning. It feels like several lifetimes have passed, but it also feels like it all happened in the blink of an eye.

I’m really so thankful for the opportunity I had to grow and learn so much and heal. I feel like I’m a completely different person than the desperate girl who started an Etsy shop in 2013.

And… this is just the tip of the iceberg. There’s still so much more that happened. When I first started seeing my therapist she encouraged me to write my story in a book, and it’s definitely something that I plan to do one day. I don’t think a younger version of myself would believe everything we survived. 🙏💜

[lesmiserablol]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @satans-poptarts thank you!! <3

1. how many works do you have on Ao3? 84

2. what's your total Ao3 word count? 378,809

3. what fandoms do you write for? atla/lok, les mis, marvel, and ofmd

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

gone fishin'

emergency boyfriend

the strategy of harmony

just say yes

a brush of fingers, a kick of shins

5. do you respond to comments? usually! sometimes it takes me a while but i try to

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? HAHA i would say yours

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? hmm most of them have happy endings and they are fairly similar, though i would say every fic ending in the cat cafe au series was written for maximum sweetness

8. Do you get hate on fics? no but i love the insane reactions to the angsty ones lmaooo

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? nope

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? no lmao

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? yes -_-

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? yes! i have a fic translated into Ukrainian and i translated my first zukka fic into spanish. i also have had six fics made into podfics which makes me happy

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? yes!! (this love is) a long time coming it was sooo much fun i would love to do it again (and almost did) but i just do not really have time for writing these days

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? zukka is in my top three all time favorites but they are my number one favorite to write

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? ugh this one fic that i wrote in the very early days of zukka that is very divorcedzukka coded.....zuko had abolished the monarchy and iroh fired him from the jasmine dragon because he knew zuko could be happier so zuko left to visit the swt and see his friends (and his former lover) and at first things are awkward but then they become friends again quickly and katara says something about sokka's letters and zuko is like uhhh sokka hasnt sent me a letter in years and katara is like wtf and zuko thinks he must have been writing another lover or something but then he finds a bunch of heartfelt unsent letters sokka had written for zuko!!! anyway there is also mention of a failed proposal and other things and bed sharing and i really love it but it is just a bunch of random scenes thrown together without any cohesion so it needs a lot of work. i really want to finish it one day but i just dont think i will

16. What are your writing strengths? ahhh the most frequent compliments in comments i get are about solid characterizations and good dialogue and making my readers feel things (mainly angst lol)

17. What are your writing weaknesses? i have a hard time with exposition or writing action sometimes because i will be so focused on the dialogue that everything else isnt as fun to write. idk if that comes across to readers at all but its something i work on a lot in the editing stages

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? just dont be a dumbass about it

19. First fandom you wrote for? h*rry p*tter unfortunately

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

easily my baby my love my precious my child zukka tangled au now that i see you...i love tangled more than anything and i really worked my ass off making sure it was faithful to the characters and the story of tangled while also very much making it fit the most important aspects of the atla world. i have reread it a few times and i am just sooooo proud of it and happy with how it turned out. close second is no love like your love

tagging @zukkaoru @backhurtyy @that-was-anticlimactic @sokkalore @goldrushzukka @marriedzukka only if you want mwah <3

#tag game

[astromechs]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @thecasualauthor18 ; thank you!

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

it looks like i've got 77 right now

2.  What's your total AO3 word count?

180,976

3. What fandoms do you write for?

most of it is marvel and star wars, have a modest collection for the peacemaker tv series, and then side trips into other things!

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

this might be all i ever wanted (all i ever wanted to happen to me) — 226 kudos

whatever happens (happens to the both of us) — 172 kudos

we've come a long, long way together — 171 kudos

why don't you close your eyes and reinvent me — 170 kudos

feeling's running straight to my bones — 132 kudos

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i really need to get better about this, because i have been slacking bad lol; i love each and every one and appreciate them so, so much, but i get flustered and then i forget to reply and i'm a hot mess ghfdjks

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i think i tend to favor open/ambiguous endings, more than outright angsty ones? probably almost paradise, though; the one time i acknowledged mcu gamora died and she was still dead at the end of this, so that was depressing by my standards. also my two canon compliant rogue one fics because i mean... gestures to what canon compliant means.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

obviously that time rick astley saved the world in that fic of mine from 2009.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

shoutout to that one weirdo who left me anon hate over... checks notes... carol danvers and jessica drew kissing. i even had to report that to ao3 because it was legit harassment, and for what.

9. Do you write smut. If so, what kind?

i did a calculation recently and like 2/3 of the fics i've published in the past two years have been smut. oops.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

i do love inventing ships out of nothing and making you all see my vision — so while a lot of what i've published on that front has been confined to comic characters who've never interacted before, i do have more in my head.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i'm aware of......

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes! anything that's worth my love (is worth the fight) was translated into chinese, and that's still, like, the neatest thing that's ever happened to me.

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

i've played around with sharing universes with friends and swapping ideas! and a couple of co-written series we dabbled in.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

honestly? yeah, it's rebelcaptain. straight up. what you've all witnessed this year is the culmination of 1) my pandemic character arc of having zero shame of what i fling to my ao3 account anymore, and 2) that particular pandora's box getting reopened thanks to andor getting released at the end of last year because being insane about them has lived in me like a sleeper agent since 2016.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

ugh unfortunately the marvel cosmic star wars au will probably never get done

16. What are your writing strengths?

getting into character's heads and having the reader experience their emotions, maybe? idk maybe tension between characters, sexual or otherwise? maybe smut? maybe humor?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

i hate titles so much. hate hate HATE. song lyrics are my life hack for that.

also what is a plot

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

if i don't know the language, i'm not confident i'm going to get it right, so i usually just take the comics approach of < words go here > if this ever comes up.

19. First Fandom you wrote for?

i wrote some unhinged star wars prequels (specifically anidala) fics in high school, and i also started writing unhinged matrix fics around that time. no, none of you will see any of those.

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

keep whatever it is (that's compelling you on) — because it's the culmination of a story that had lived in my head for years but i didn't think i was skilled enough to carry out, so i was proud i finally wrote it

Going On An Adventure 🧜‍♂️ by peaceluvr69 — is my comedic magnum opus tbh and i made myself laugh stupid the entire time i was writing it, so that has to count for something

here's hoping we collide — i really do genuinely love how this story turned out 🥹 to the point that i actually keep thinking about making a branch universe off of this to give that jyn and that cassian from five years prior to rogue one more chances to know each other and also be... prickly little assholes in a funny way, because they're funny. i imagine the hell they'd raise together and it warms my heart.

tagging (no pressure!): @quarantineddreamer ; @frostbitepandaaaaa ; @sgtjamesrogers ; @ezracomehome ; @luciechat ; @rebelrainfall

#tag game #* fic #i'll throw that in my tag. wow it took me a while to answer these questions ghfdjks

[kyluxtrashpit]

So I’m having another… let’s call it an internet crisis. A thing that typically happens when I have Big Problems I can’t do fuck all about which means now it’s time to get Really Upset about problems that are comparatively small but do affect my daily routine (sorry again for no cut, I still can’t remember how to do it on mobile and I fucking hate hate hate the desktop post editor as much as someone can hate a piece of code)

It’s… getting harder to use tumblr. This isn’t about the sidebar, I don’t actually hate the sidebar cause we used to have a sidebar on the other side and I’ve missed it every since it left, but it’s about other things. A lot of things, but I won’t get into them all right now. For me, the new post editor is just. Really fucking difficult to use. If you’re just doing an unformatted, unplanned ramble (like this) or a little shitpost, it’s fine, especially if you’re on mobile (somehow the shitty mobile editor is now less shitty than the desktop editor, how tf did that happen), but if you’ve got multiple paragraphs and literally any formatting is needed? Well, you’re fucked, quite frankly, it is the most dense and convoluted post editor I’ve seen in like roughly 2 decades spent online. I’ve never seen anything more counterintuitive and difficult to use

And I’m sitting here with all these twitter posts I want to move. Some are little and would be easy. Others are a lot longer and more complicated and would shove me into that formatting hell I despise so much (and given how much feedback and unanswered asks to wip I’ve sent with no improvements, I’ve given up hope of it ever being made better). Like god I really, really want to save those posts but is it even worth it to do it here? But where else would I do it?

And the secondary layer too is… there’s no fucking posts here. No engagement on posts either most of the time. 90% of my posts come from my archive cause the kylux and Kylo (plus a few others I check less regularly) tags have very few daily posts and there’s hardly anything on my dash anymore. My original posts maybe get 10 notes on average, and these posts are ones that sometimes got near triple digit rts alone on twitter. Just seems there’s exceptionally few people here to enjoy them

And I’m still on twitter. It’s slowly dwindling but it’s still slightly more active than here. I’m on pillowfort and bsky too and they are truly dead (unless you’re a furry, good on the furries for populating every site in existence). There’s just. Nothing anymore. Maybe my fandoms are just dead but it feels like the meme about passing around the same $20 among friends cause capitalism is destroying us except with posts and likes

Idk. I feel like I don’t have an online home anymore. 90% of my socializing is online and 100% of my creativity is expressed through fandom and. I don’t know where to do that anymore. I have friends I chat with on discord and I love them but it’s… it’s not the same as a whole community, you know? And now that our homes are falling apart with every sign pointing towards imminent foreclosure like. What do I do. I know I’ve been through site losses before but. It feels different. Something new and shiny always came along before the end. I fear that’s not coming and we’ll all just be lost

Idk. I don’t have a conclusion. Twitter is doomed. I hate how the new owners are running on tumblr and I’m still posting here more out of a desperate desire to remember what community felt like than any real actual want to do so. The new sites have nothing going on. Idk. I feel lost. And maybe it’s the 15 other problems I have going on right now and hormones and shit but. I just don’t know what to do and I’m scared of what the future looks like for online communities and how alone I’ll be if I lost them (even though in reality I already have lost them aside from a small handful of people)

#am I just hormonal and stressed about things like old cat’s appointment tomorrow and work and the state of the world #with a dash of good old regular depression hanging out in there too #and that’s why duolingo fucking me over yesterday and stuff like this is bothering me #to a degree that is probably excessive #very possibly #but I also feel like this has been simmering for a while #and I just #idk man idk what to do I’m frustrated and I just want a place to shitpost about my little fictional blorbos #and have other people enjoy those posts and make their own posts and we can talk about them and everything is fun and good #and idek how to get it anymore like where are people doing that I can’t find them #idk I also need to sleep but ugh #brain land is a messy place right now let’s leave it at that #text #misc #shut up nerd #long post

[daisychainsandbowties]

What are your favorite old memes?

alright then fuck me

disclaimer: i have no concept of time. also a loose grasp of what a meme is. i'll do a detailed top 5 & then some honourable mentions

charlie the unicorn. asked my mum today if she remembers me being 10 & liking that yt video and she said "shut the fuck up casper". so u get the vibe. cursed, brilliant.

2. mr happy face. also a youtube video. i won't link it because you shouldn't watch it please god. but also, there's a story behind why i like it. i joined boy scouts when i was 11 & there was a girl i had a crush on (yes girl butch babies in boy scouts)

& she LOVED knives (i have a type) but her parents wouldn't let her have a penknife so i decided i would, in true mating-ritual style, give her one of my knives. it was stainless steel and had this fat curved blade and she adored it and for one fleeting moment i had all the girl game on the planet. but she also decided to name it (as you do) & it was called Mr Happy Face.

3. any and all star wars memes tbh, but especially any involving my boy the gender euphoria himself obi-wan kenobi.

the GEnErAL KEnObi meme. this is imo the funniest version of it

also this one

4. any lord of the rings meme BUT have to genuflect to the king the one the only

it's 16 yrs old GOD i was 9. spamming the melty face emoji

my man sean bean. he can hit but like, he'd die before he got to 2nd base. sad.

5.

i still play skyrim & every time i hear this i want to eat my controller so this is clearly the beef stock cube of memes

honourable mentions

the itachi thing where it was like sasuke going 'hey, itachi' fucking 20 times and itachi going WHAT!!!!!??? & then sasuke goes '.... hi.'

the world ending in 2012 (you laugh but a boy in my class cried)

the fucking!!! millennium thing. where they were like 😱 computer code will BREAK (idk) my dad made like 300 euros just sitting in the office at midnight on NYE 1999. it was called the Y2K scare here look . to me it is a meme bc my dad breaks down laughing every time he forgets he already told me about it.

grossly misspelling benaflick cumbersome's name

centipedes in my vagina. salute queen.

none pizza with left beef

blue waffle (purely for the hysteria it caused in my friend group. can u guess i did not hang out with the most reasonable the less-prone-to-drama girlies?) DO NOT LOOK IT UP. i never have and i am so happy.

dividing by zero. my friend once fully slapped my calculator out of my hand bc she thought we would both die

gaia online is a meme to me. fuck that place fr. had my first online girlfriend on there though. and my first death threat. let's call it a historical monument then

again. not a meme. but does anyone else remember freewebs? where you could just make ur own website? & host ur own little forums. i THRIVED. made like 15 websites for my favourite video games that these days would be called wikis.

look shoot me if you want but potter puppet pals was fucking hilarious.

people's bios on ff.net. you really had to put every single quote you like from anything ever up on ur home page.? why.

the jelly donut meme from pokemon.

ask ketchum being 10 for 25 years

the math lady meme. she is so real for that.

#thanks for helping me to invent new stages of grief anon #my mum really did die for a second there when i mentioned candy mountain #she almost hung up on me #should be no surprise to anyone considering my history that i'm writing bealil knifeplay #anon

[horce-divorce]

thinking about how, even as a young kid who had never had a job, I started to question what the point of working so hard for so little is. when I got old enough to join the workforce, I had about four or five good, abled years left in me, relatively speaking. over the next 7 years I would have more than 15 different jobs, sometimes 3 at once, trying to find the magic combination that would pay my bills without bleeding me dry. I never found it. Instead I gradually lost my jobs along with my ability to work, I quickly became homeless, and have been struggling to "get back on my feet," whatever that means, for the ensuing 10 years and counting. I have not once had stability in my adult life. I expect to be homeless indefinitely.

nobody looks at any of the stuff I actually DO, though. no, because I'm disabled and I had to quit my jobs, all they see is what I DON'T do. and it's so weird, like. people moralize poverty and disability, right? they ABSOLUTELY look down on me for those things. And once they realize I'm not working because of that, they get jealous. They get insanely, transparently JEALOUS of the fact that I'm deathly ill, simply because I'm not working. clearly that means I have so much extra free time to be a person. (I hate that it bears repeating, but I DONT! being sick is a full time, 24/7/365 job that I DONT get breaks from, EVER.)

They'll say it like, "oh but you don't HAVE to work." False. I DO *HAVE* to work, just like you! I merely CAN'T. I dont get paid for the work i do end up doing; i cannot be additionally employed. "But i have to work to live? We all do? Isnt that hard?" YES!!!! You get a gold star for finally fucking noticing!!!!! WOW!!!!

But even then it doesnt stop the jealousy!!!! idk that dissonance is something that never stops fucking me up. Shame on your disabled ass, you have nothing to be proud of, you should be spending every last drop of energy fighting not to be disabled anymore, fighting to get back into the workforce primarily before anything else, and fighting not to need help EVER AGAIN. and if you die trying, fine! that's just life! You are lazy and entitled! Everyone only hates you because they wish they could be you :)))) Lmfao!!!!

It's wild how much a society that places this much importance on "individualism" will turn around and condemn me for supposedly "not contributing to society" (by letting my labor be exploited lmao). I thought that was called "giving handouts" and that we only do Me, Myself and I here in America? Why is it suddenly only all Team Spirit once your employer busts out the wiggly eyes and says "but we're a FAMILY"? Where's that spirit from your employer when YOU need someone to pick up your shifts? Let me guess, it's typically, "you're gonna have to find coverage for that yourself," isn't it? Yeah. And you hate ME for not "having" to deal with that anymore, instead of your boss for doing that to you.

It's pretty transparent how much abled people don't like being treated disposably either. They fucking hate this life lmfao. But because they have more utility left in thier bodies, they can go on pretending that they're actually "contributing" somehow, instead of instead of being milked dry for future discarding just like any other resource.

Instead, they'll get to spend thier whole lives believing they did something- until they're retired, and suddenly realize that having given their whole entire lives and selves still wasn't enough. It was never enough to keep them afloat, never enough to make them rich how they dreamed, Not even enough for just a few years of peace and quiet before they die.

I guess yeah, on the bright side, I do get to miss out on that whole song and dance. Because I already learned that harsh lesson at age 20, that NOTHING I ever do will actually be enough. And in the meantime there's, u know, just, all the debilitating chronic pain, the lack of dignity, the homelessness, having to beg to buy fucking toothpaste, EVERY. SINGLE. interaction you have with a housed person being moralized and scrutinized endlessly, the constant, never ending tug of war with social services, and MORE... did I mention the CONSTANT, CHRONIC, DEBILITATING PAIN?

You don't really wish you were me, lmfao. You just wish your work meant something. You wish you HAD a work-life balance instead of just work and no life. You wish it was dignified. You wish you chose to work instead of being forced to, under threat of becoming Like Me. You wish it so bad that you're jealous of someone who's fucking disabled for life and homeless most of the time. And for what? Because it precludes me from doing what you're doing anymore. Because now I can sit outside of that sphere and make this type of commentary about my experiences in the workforce, and you don't have the energy, the time of day, or freedom to speak out against your employer in the way i can now speak. So you take it out on me instead.

Think about that. Is that normal? Is that what you want from a job? Is that dignified? Is that how you want to treat yourself and other people? Is this the status quo you're fine with upholding for the rest of your life? Is this what you want for your kids? Is it worth it? Is it doing it for ya, bud? Is it paying the bills and everything? NO??? Damn. Ouch! Maybe think about that before you make some stupid comment directed at disabled people next time 👍

Anyway, when you're nearing the end of your utility, it's really easy to see the way all employers, even the "good ones," juice you dry and then discard you for a replacement, among other bigger structures that demand this. It's also easy to see when you're NOT disabled, it's just really uncomfortable and requires admitting some hard truths about all those "nice things" your boss supposedly does for you. If your job was really that great, you wouldn't be seething with jealousy at a disabled guy and wishing you were dying instead. That's not very hashtag sigma grindset likeaboss of you :/

#me #disability stuff #chronic illness #chronic pain #homelessness #car living

[pitynostars]

for the dw ask game: 10, 11, 20 💜

10 favorite companion ?

clara my beloved <3<3 she literally has it all. people often complain she feels like a different character between s7/8/9 but thats part of why i love her because the progression of it all makes complete sense to me so instead of feeling like having 3 companions in one because of bad writing its just one beautifully fleshed out story. her growth from bosj->hell bent (arguably aotd->hell bent but-) is insanely well done i love her so much shes my little meow meow i turn her round in my head like a rotisserie chicken every day i am shaking her in a pringles can etc etc. shes stubborn and mean and kind and funny and obsessive i just <3<3 MY WIFE. MY WIFE. the doc/companion rship is the heart of the show for me and her relationship with the dr is SO insanely juicy and complicated i'm obsessed with it and i also love her dynamic with danny and missy and hurt!doctor and like basically every guest star she bounces off so it's just like.... GAH. every element works for me. CLARA<3

outside of that her run sits in the most vivid memory for me i remember jenna's announcement so vividly and watching asylum of the daleks and seeing oswin for the first time and how shook we all were and the whole s7 arc SO vividly and my memory is terrible and i HATED s8 but i stayed watching because i wanted to see clara's story out to the end but then s9 made me re fall in love with the show and s8 retroactively so my love for her is also just very tied into all that because if it wasn't for her i would have given up on dr who like.... her power !!!! but i do just honestly think she is one of THEEE characters of all time for me

11 least favorite companion ?

i dont really have any companion i DISLIKE thinking about it, but i do think dan is pretty boring. i forget he exists often tbh akfjsldf.... even tho he JUST left. he has some fun setup and i liked his dynamic with karvanista and yaz but other than that there's not a lot there for me... sorry king. hope u get a new house soon 😢

20 if you could change anything about the show, what would it be ?

only thought about this for half a sec but honestly whatever shit that went down behind the scenes that made chris eccleston leave after 1 series... i wish he didnt have to go thru all that and had had a better time with it and on a more selfish note i just wish we had more 9 and i wish that he felt safe/happy enough to come back for multidoc stories and whatnot. similarly w like freema and jodie (+ whoever else i'm forgetting/idk about who got it bad) w the racism and sexism they had to deal w from the "fans" 😠

also i wish there were more diverse writers/showrunners sooner one thing i respect about chibs is he apparently did try to push for more writers of colour, female writers etc..... the first writer of colour on the show being in like s11 is bad enough let alone counting all of classic who too 😭... just embarrassing. pls let someone trans have the floor in the writers room rtd i am on my knees 😢

just realised ive said i wld simply undo bigotry (: but i mean. yh aksdjfsgdlf...

on a stupider note then i'd take out that clause that says the daleks have to be in every series if that's even real because i think that is SOOO stupid if its true

#text tag #replies tag #THANKS FOR ASKINGGGGGGGGGGGG<3

[leecherish]

1, 2, 3, 6, 9, 10, 12 15, 17, 20 from the deep writer asks <3

1. what's the fic youre most proud of?

hmm, right now? might be "the price of growth", it went through a lot of iterations, and i'm really satisfied with the end result! the entire fugo zine was such a nice and pleasant experience, i think i gained a lot from it <3

2. what's a fic that took you to an emotional/dark/hard place?

"a brand new doomsday" is a fairly old fic by now, but it was a very mentally exhausting process to write that one. i needed to dissect my own relationship with grief pretty thoroughly, which is why it remains probably my rawest fic (even though i'm not that proud of it anymore). more recently probably "if not in this life then maybe in the next", although i would rather phrase it as me writing it as a result of being in a dark place emotionally. same with "the eyes deceive". there's a lot of unspoken parts of myself in those ones haha.

3. what fic are you emotionally attached to?

oh, all of them! but if i had to pick just one, it would probably be "the eyes deceive". like i just mentioned, i wrote that after the hardest winter of my life, and it can be seen on a lot of its aspects. ofc it's still a fanfiction, not a vent post, but let's just say bruno's "i want to escape from this body... or at least make it my own" came from. a Place

6. what's the hardest part of the writing process for you?

editing hell. i've become pretty proficient at banging out loose first, second and third drafts, but the process of making it consistent and flow well is always a lot of painful and hard work >_< i need to somehow improve myself when it comes to this, because right now, the aspect of having to edit anything over 10k just feels... literally impossible haha.

9. what's your writing process like?

that’s a difficult question to answer. it really depends on various things, such as my mental state, how much time i have, etc... but if i had to simplify and generalize it as much as possible:

get the idea for a fic

write a loose draft of what i want it to contain, maybe some scene fragments or pieces of dialogue that appeared in my head

sleep on it, sit down to refine it, continously adding new details. minimizing the research at this stage, as well as looking for the perfect synonyms. that can come at the editing phase

connect the standalone scenes one way or another. finish draft,

enter editing hell. put on a three-hour piano/post-rock/lofi hip-hop/whatever helps me focus in that moment. suffer. take breaks.

once finished, bask in the euphoria then sleep on it.

proofread it one last time then if i decide to post it, forward it to my beta and then post it to ao3. experience the greatest high of life.

idk if this is useful for anyone sgdshdg if you have any specific questions about my writing process then idk. shoot

10. how has writing positively impacted your mental health or overall mood?

oh, it’s a great outlet for various things! it helps me to express things i struggled expressing, gives me a place to put the emotions that are difficult to deal with. in other words, it’s cathartic, even if i don’t end up posting it. and most of all, it’s connecting with people. knowing that people read my fics and get something out of it, be that a smile or perhaps even a tear, it’s unimaginable and insanely flattering, not to mention getting comments or fanart! it really made me feel like i left some sort of mark on the fandom and in this world, as sappy as it sounds.

12. What’s your perfect environment to create/write?

hmm i can write basically anywhere tbh. but i do really like having a hot drink nearby at all times!

15. How do you think your writing as improved over time?

hard to say! but i think my unsage of the language improves with every piece i write. i think i particularly improved a lot when it comes to descriptive text and metaphors, i used to be shy with those. and i think i’m better with pacing lately too, although that part is always difficult to estimate!

17. What’s the best engagement/interaction/feedback you’ve received from someone who’s read your work?

WHEW how could i mention just one. receiving fanart blows my mind every time, it’s like, you mean the words i wrote, projected an image into your head??? AND you drew it?? it’s bonkers!! same with people writing comments, i don’t get a lot of them (i doubt any writer my scale does), but i save all of them and occasionally reread them when i need a little pick-me-up <3 but the most memorable interactions i possibly had is when one time i would mention a fic of mine on twitter, and people would go “YOU WROTE THAT??”. it really made me feel like i have reached the people i wanted to reach, and that is such a precious feeling!

20. What’s the greatest gift you’ve gotten from your writing?

believe it or not, i can actually feel my writing abilities paying off whenever i’m writing assignments for school LOL. i just do the same thing as i would do with a fic, first i bang out the draft, and then continously refine it... i’m grateful for all the experience i accumulated thanks to writing, it really helps me out in these cases! but most of all, like i mentioned before, it’s the connection that i establish with it, with my friends and everyone who reads my fics. it’s a teeny-tiny community of its own! posting my fics online and having people read them makes me feel heard and understood, and most of all, accepted. sappy again i know, but i wasn’t always given these things during some of my life stages! but it was good to learn that those never last, and ultimately, all of us deserve to make their voice heard etc. cheese cheese cheese

#[booming voice] it's oversharing time #thank you for the asks <3 #my writing #<- idk feels right to put it into this tag. might change my mind abt it tho #if you see any mistakes here no you don't. #<- burnt out and exhausted and kinda beyond caring abt grammar and english isnt a real language anyway

[kart0]

meds update plus rant: day 10

I knooow, I knowww no one cares and this is a blog just for me but I'm sorry I skipped day 7 ! I got so overwhelmed and cried a lot and I just forgot to do it, I was rlly tired

anyways, honestly I can't remember at all what happened...

I did have a pretty bad mental breakdown, because I had to do a writing for uni and it took me 6 hours to finally do it. I was sitting in my desk my notebook opened in front of me and my iPad with the article opened and I just. I just couldn't. and it's hard to explain when someone asks "well what have you been doing in these 6 hours you were procrastinating ?" because. I literally did not do anything. I was definitely stressed and paranoid tho. I kept opening twitter and closing it bc I had one thing in mind and it was "do the writing. do the writing." and it kept going on repeat and... sigh... if I at least used these hours to relax or have fun, just, no, I didn't and I didn't do anything. I don't know why, it is always so frustrating. but I was able to eventually and it took me only 20 minutes to do so.

everything was going alright. I submitted my writing ( at 3am ), then went to uni, took 2 exams which were in pairs so it went fairly well. I was really, really happy with myself cuz even tho it took me 6 hours to do it I actually did everything I had to do.

and then I had another writing to do. and it started well ! for 2 minutes

and then I procrastinated for 7 hours. at 11pm I was already sobbing because I was so frustrated with myself. it's so easy ! just do it ! just start it ! you have to do it then just do it it's that fucking obvious ! and at 1am my dad entered my room ( originally to scold me for being awake at that hour ) and he saw my red nose and puffy eyes and asked me why I was crying, and I said because I had to do this project. and he then said "do it then" and left the room and I started crying again. I really hate myself. and then, at 3am I realised i wouldn't be able to do this work, and also I had to study for the exam I'd have on that day. so I went to sleep. and I felt so incredibly defeated. I lost. I always lose in the end, no matter how much I'm working hard, or how good things are going, bc the previous day I had managed to do it, and then it all fell apart.

of course i struggled with the exam and I failed my test. and when I got back home I just laid in bed and I felt really...weird. like. definitely bad but I felt really. idk, but it was bad. I couldn't do anything, I couldn't cry, I wasn't able to focus on social media at least to distract myself, I couldn't sleep. I also had not eaten anything basically all day which definitely did not help at all and I think in fact it made things worse

but then now is day 10. and I am done with my exams. I went to a bday party ( that was on a bar ) and I had a bloody Mary for the first time. it was good. caught up with some old friends. I'm really proud of myself for staying alive, taking my meds and not forgetting a single day, even if I might not be able to take every time at the same hour oof. but I feel proud I think.

I definitely need to checkout on a adhd/add specialist, my current therapist is more focused on depression and grieving haha. there are some days like today that I really feel hopeful for my future. and I feel like I really want to improve. but it's rather rare, most of the time I want to die and feel like I'm condemned to live miserably forever

as for side effects, I don't remember if I said it but sometimes my hands shake pretty bad and my body feels weird and hot and I can't focus, but it usually lasts 10 minutes and then I'm alright. this only happened 3 times that I remember. I also lost basically all my appetite which... is definitely bad because uhm I have an eating disorder and body image issues so I'm like, torn. I'm happy that I'm not eating but I don't like that I'm celebrating this thoughts I don't want them to win yet at the same time I'm thinking how much weight I'm going to lose and unfortunately it excites me. I'm trying to eat properly. I also became really tired on the last two days, like really really tired and sleepy all day but when I go to sleep I suddenly get anxious and it'll take me longer to sleep. for now I think that's all.

I hope things get better for me. this update was long, and I apologize. I will try to keep up with the schedule I made. goodnight :•]

#me #update #rant #antidepressants

[audiovisualrecall]

Every time I work too much/too many days in a row recently I seem to get sick. First with the flu, then I caught covid right after, and now I worked 5 days in a row and wham, I come home last night and my throat is sore when I talk and swallow, and getting 8+ hours of sleep one night didn't magically fix it unfortunately, just left me with a vague headache :/ I'm so afraid it'll be *something* like the last 2 times I got sick. I don't think I should work tomorrow because I'm afraid it'll get worse. Even if I go to sleep at like 10:20 instead of 11/11:30 tonight I think I need several days of real Rest to prevent this uncomfortable cold thing from becoming something else that would keep me out longer so me staying home one more day is also in their interests bc one day vs a whole week or two 🙃 but idk in tired of being sick and I'm tired of being out sick. I probably do need like a week off again bc I jumped straight back into working after I was symptom free from covid and didn't stop since then plus I stayed up late to work on steph's gift, and my days off were stressful trying to get a multi-month project done in 5 days, plus everything else, and I was stressed out the other day bc I was afraid with the weather I'd get stuck at work, and we were trying to have a hanukkah party, and then when I did get home i stuck my foot in my mouth over steph's gift and it snowballed and everyone ended the night a bit unhappy :/ So it's just been a long week, or two weeks, I don't even remember last week tbh. And at work I got this file sorter and the astl used command strips to hang it on the wall over the sink and of course it fell a week later with only papers and folders and a lightweight clipboard in it. All of it unceremoniously dumped into the sink which had water in it of course. And the extreme cold and rapid temperature changes don't help anything.

[greydiminishing]

Jan 20, 2024

Since my last writing about two and a half weeks ago, I've packed up, moved 6 hours away to school, unpacked and moved in, and had a whole week of classes! Well almost whole, it was a 4 day week.

I am doing,, just okay. I am so excited to be back on campus and in school. But I feel super behind since I've failed so many classes previously, and took basically 3 semesters off. I'm essentially a 22 year old 3rd year. I've been a student in this school for five years. I was supposed to graduate this year, but I have two more years left, at minimum. Some of the kids I have classes with were highschool freshmen when I was a college freshman. I feel self consious and ashamed about that.

I also feel like i'm already behind in some classes after only two actual class sessions (tues/thurs and wed/fri classes). I didnt get as much studying done as I would've liked in those five weeks that i time blocked (But getting into time blocking was definitely worth it, thats helping me so much).

I haven't had to do any actual math in TWO YEARS. I celebrated taking the "last math class of my life", completely forgetting that I need to take a calc-based physics class. Now im struggling in class to find the sides of a triangle with sohcahtoa 😭 If i don't glue my eyeballs to khan academy i'm gonna be a wreck trying to integrate and find derivatives.

And one class has an "Assignment 0" which is just downloading and setting up all the software we're gonna be using, and just trying to clone my gitlab repository took me several hours to figure out.

All the deadlines and assignments and quizzes and project dates has my head spinning. One class requires you to upload your notes to the lecture video before every single class (m/w/f class, so 3 times a week), and its something like 10% of your final grade. Idk i just think thats stupid lol. And I can't help but write notes differently when i'm concious of the fact that someone else will be reading them :/

But I will be studying hard, and getting stuff done early as to not fall behind.

That was academics, now onto my roommates.

I was placed in a random campus apartment with 3 other roommates. We each have our own room, but share the living room and kitchen. They're nice and i want to be their friend so bad, but I'm so socially awkward and i don't know how to make friends 😭. The thing is, I'm coming into "their" apartment mid-academic year, and thats only because their other friend moved out for an internship or something, so I got put in the vacant room. They're already a little friendgroup, the three of them plus the friend that moved out which they're still in group chats with. They might've even know each other before living here, they seem pretty close.

They're not intentionally excluding me or anything, but everytime i'm chatting with them it feels so awkward, and when I go back to my room and I can hear their fun conversations finally ignite. They talk about their mutual friends, and their parents, and plans to roadtrip. Then I go back out to fill my water bottle or make tea or something, mostly an excuse to join their conversation, and the conversation goes back to quiet and polite. I know I act the same way around new people as well, so its not their fault, but I dont know what to do, how to get around this. I heard them from my room talking about anime, and I so badly wanted to join them, but I didn't know how to do so naturally without creeping them out like I was eavesdropping their convo the whole time. You can only go fill your waterbottle so many times.

Its already the end of week 1 and i've barely talked to them. I'm afraid if we don't get more friendly soon, as time progresses, we'll get more stuck in the same routine and we'll only be able to be awkward and quiet around each other for the rest of the semester. I want to suggest we order some food tonight and maybe watch a movie, but idk is that weird? To suggest out of nowhere and not really knowing them? And theres no TV so we'd have to watch on someones laptop. Aughhhh idk. Plus I really need to get started on all this work i already have. Maybe i'll suggest it next weekend.

I'm already planning on making cookies for everyone tomorrow. A freshly baked cookie is the way to friendship, surely?

#journal

[sonny-whorezik]

what really sucks is i wanted to hold out . i understood the situation and i knew they were struggling and i tried to let them know i was here as best i could long distance with minimal contact . but it had felt so Bad just getting maybe Maybe 15 - 20 texts a day it seemed with hours in between the majority while all i know here in colorado are couples who live together and call every day . i would just keep taking myself on errands , to coffee shops , bookstores , parks , ive felt like ive been dating myself towards the end because they just did not have the time for me and i understand why and i was willing to wait for it to pass and just be there for them if they needed me . but it has been hard . i even wrote in my list notebook that by jan 10 if it keeps going on to say something and if the behavior stays the same january 20th then i would be the one to break up for the sake of both of us . i was willing to do this another month and keep giving it a chance

typing all this out does help a bit , just moments ago i was sobbing in my car ; i still have 45 minutes of my break and when this post is over i will likely sob again . i just . idk . i feel like i tried all i could but i keep thinking i couldve somehow done more . like move back to where they live , or create things for them , mail letters again , say good morning instead of replying to last night's message and not hearing back until almost 4pm when my day is halfway over and theirs is just beginning . i wish i told them i love them more

they got nervous when i didnt acknowledge they were excited to see me in february because i was distracted christmas day dealing with my bank i should have told them how much i look forward to it , how it is what keeps me trying to be productive : seeing them in the future . i just had to hold out til february until i felt i couldnt , then it became january 20th as a last resort because i didnt know what to do anymore . i didnt know who they wanted me to be for them, how to be engaged when all they talked about was how hard it all is and how tired they are while i couldnt do a single thing it seemed but text , what could i do almost a thousand miles away ? im sorry i keep posting these i dont know what to do with these feelings and thoughts but purge them and have them acknowledged , whether or not someone reaches out which i dont really want , i think i just want to be heard . i cant tell my roommates due to our unorthodox situation i dont want to hear anything bad said about them from their ex , i dont care what he feels towards them or how he's never been supportive but still has been in my life knowing how involved they have been for my entire adult life . theyre not a bad person , ive never thought of them as abusive or toxic or bad or selfish or all these things people have told me to think when i just wanted to vent and be heard , not hear that they think we're incompatible . and i guess we are incompatible or else this wouldnt be happening . ive told myself this is just a situational issue and not The Relationship but maybe i have been wrong

i dont want that to be the truth . i swear it was just circumstantial , that it just got a little extra hard for a little while but we could get through it and they would know throughout this i would be there for them . i wanted to get them a promise ring while theyve been going through recovery just to give them something to remind them im there for them until the end , however that looks . i will never get the chance to do that for them now , it's too late and i am left just in horror it feels like . im so scared . im So , so scared of everything but ive always had them , now i do not and i know im capable of living without them , but why ? why do i have to do that now ? what could i have done different ? i just feel so , so sorry i couldnt be a better partner and i know they said its not my fault it's just where they are in life , but they didnt seem as sure as i feel about reuniting down the road after we work on ourselves. i just want to throw up but i havent eaten in 24 hours i dont feel hunger or anything but absence and anxiety . cant even listen to tmbg anymore everything i love reminds me of them and theyre not here anymore

#story

[aerimomo-mellon]

Skz as Boyfriends!

Paring~ SKZ x Reader

Genre~ informative lol

A/N~ yep it was requested! Enjoy 친구 <3

warnings? none. (idk mention of bed related things haha)

SKZ M☁List II Main M☁List

시장……..

✿ Bangchan

We all know this guy and you all have read enough of him I think, to know what imma say. (But for special purposes why not..)

This guy is really really serious about relationships and you are probably the one because he just can’t help loving everything about you.

The fact that he is yours even with all the responsibilities and work he has as a leader and idol is a miracle itself. Therefore consider yourself LUCKY to have the most caring and loving man anyone could have.

Dates- He likes movies hence movie nights and date to the theater are often. If not then he likes taking you to a sports event or the beach cause yeah. ( that vibesssssss you know? )

PDA = 3/10 why?, because as mentioned earlier he is responsible for many important things and he doesn’t want to have any misunderstandings about you and dislikes hate in general. That 30% I gave him was because he would only do PDA if really needed.

In Bed things? Umm not often actually but once in a while yes WHILE he would like it I’m sorry I mean LOVE it..

Con? Yep time! Sorry girl but that time you need, it’s hard for him to fulfill every time.

Cute extra info- Doesn’t mention it but secretly likes when you poke his dimple and say he’s cute.

✿ Minho

There are these majority conceptions, as I said majority but not all cause there are stays who know that he is a sweet guy deep deep down.😉

If you’re his s/o he will give every bit of him to you and expects the same for you. I would categorize him as a boyfriend wo acts like a mom lol. It maybe hard to digest that information but trust me this feeling I have from my gut I can say that he is also very caring. Although he might not say things like I will be there whenever you need me or even I miss you, care for you, but he doesn't need to say this anyway. As action speak more than words our Minho is the same.

Dates- He likes to balance it between what you like and what he likes as well. If you are a new couple he straight up asks what you prefer. Plus point he likes to take you to cat café if you like cats too.

PDA = 0.5/10 why? honestly speaking this guy literally hates to express his feelings. That .5 is literally him agreeing that he is yours and that's it. (when someone asks that is)

In Bed things? I personally think it depends on his mood and not yours. Yup. Somedays he wants you a lot and somedays he likes his space. I'm not saying he hates cuddling but more than that on days he is either tired or stressed he likes to keep that little limit to what happens next.

Con? Attention... you would literally take his cats away from him to get his attention.

Cute extra info- likes it when you call him and yourself Appa and Eomma to his cats.

✿ Changbin

Changbin being the puff/ strong guy(sorry that sounded disturbed lol) We all know how babied he likes to be.

Him as a boyfriend is just very natural, I mean from the way he takes you on a fancy date to even putting nail polish on your left hands. Everything is very genuine and he loves it. The Boyfriend to always apologize first.

I find him as someone to take attraction and the next step which is relationship very seriously. ( the person to be very calculative, it can beat Chan honestly..)Knowing that he is afraid to hurt people in any kind of way, to hurt you even as an accident breaks his heart.

Dates- Our Dwaekki loves taking you on dates with loads of food or snacks. A typical Korean restaurant or even food stalls, he loves seeing you eat than to be broken when you might have some kind of sickness due to eating problems.

PDA = 5/10 why? Because he likes your opinion. He is okay with either if you insist on a particular one but slightly leans on less public knowing. Holding hands and probably hugging you wouldn't be a huge problem for him.

In Bed things? he loves it anytime honestly... if he is horney he is getting what he wants and when you are same goes to you.. you'll get what you want..

Cons? Too much aegyo which makes you do things you don’t necessarily want to. (Stay blessed)

Cute extra info- Praise him! (x100) loves it when you say things like " my boyfriend is so strong.." or even " those arms mmm..."

✿ Hyunjin

I mean do I need to say how into he is with this??? Damn this man is the most prepared man a girl could have. The type to know everything about relationships... from trending couple fashion to even special not important but cute couple events..( that he probably found randomly scrolling through google)

He knows your anniversary, birthday, your moms birthday, dads and basically your whole family knows him too. He also keeps track of your monthly cycle too cause he likes being responsible for you..

He is the type to get jealous very easily BUT wont admit it when you ask. Likes to braid your hair while learning from YouTube.. Likes to buy you so many colorful cute hair accessories. (loves your hair..)

Dates- we all know this guy is fancy so he likes fancy dates but he can also be the complete opposite.. Fancy~ maybe to a art restaurant or even on a fancy boat cause why not.. Normally though~ likes to take you to an art museum or at night to take you on the roof for star gazing..

PDA = 2/10 why? I've probably given hints on my fictions with Hyunjin about this in particular. He prefers keeping this in private and that 20% is with his members (barely)

In Bed things? This guy couldn’t be more romantic lol. Loves being prepared for this buys every thing you both need… and yeah loves it.

Cons? He buys Kammi more hair clips than you sorry….

Cute extra info- likes when you get mad when he cut his hair lol. I apologize to all the stays I know he is cute every time but that long hair just hits different….

✿ Jisung

The craziest boyfriend you could have and will only have. You would low key love your relationship with this man I’m telling ya…

You two would have so much fun like toddlers. He is honestly the cutest, funniest, talented etc.. man you get all in one.. ahaha..

Likes to buy you the most stupid things that actually works for a daily living..( that thing he bought to watch on his phone while laying down 😵)

likes to joke around and talk to you a lot.. gurll listen to him he loves it. He likes to value your problems as well so listens to you too.

Dates- likes to watch anime so you two usually have this anime night cuddle sessions but if he were to plan something outside he would prefer to take you to the amusement part lol.

PDA = 8/10 why? honestly he likes showing you off cause he is fond of you. Basically doesn't care what others think... his parents know you, members, friends outside the group, and stays know you exist lol.. 20% i kept for a reason because he doesn't like it when things get out of handle so he wont do anything to the extent..

In bed things? yes he likes it but that turns up into a tickle fight or even a complete cringe but cute moment..

Cons? He might be very sensitive leading to him being upset and you having to apologize...

Cute extra info- loves it when you kiss his cheeks or just play with them in general..

✿ Felix

I had to bring this up at some point lol.. stays probably know the video where he says his clothes are boyfriend material lol...and yes i agree hands down!

A boyfriend material in his own way ahaha.. i mean we all know he loves to be cared for and loved. That Bangchan! spoiled little youngbok.. i personally feel or think two ways. Either he likes being cared for by you or he takes care for you since now he gets to be the older one..

Felix likes speaking in English so if you know English he would speak both languages as well. Likes to give you blowjobs cause he fell in love with you lol..

Dates- Shopping malls, window shopping, UNO on a picnic lol all these are his favs and so are yours .. Personally speaking he likes to take you to places where he can take lots of pictures of you..

PDA = 4/10 why? I don't know haha yup its just a feeling where I'm in between of two opposite thoughts.. I fell like he shows you to his members and family but not more than that.. (Olivia is most likely to love you)

In bed things? Likes being pampered and loves it when you lead.. happens pretty often actually..

Cons? yes! he like being touchy and so do you but he does it too much which beats ya.. and jealous really easily! and he lets you know that..

cute extra info- compliment him on his freckles and he will blush literally a tomato 🍅..

✿ Seungmin

Sweet really sweet.. he is the typical Korean boyfriend you'll get haha even better than that.

He just likes to talk to you or even look at you all day and keep that puppy smile on him.. The type to sing you a song to sleep or whenever you ask him to. likes to hear you sing too.. attempts to make you laugh but ends up, giving up.

He likes kissing your eyes when they are closed.. or when you just fell asleep after the song likes to give your eyes quick pecks..

Dates- He likes walks and that's why you go on evening walks and return when it's dark.. likes holding your hands. He likes grocery shopping with you, takes you to the rooftop to talk about life and its shitty problems.. Basically effortless things that make your relationship happy for what it is.

PDA = 1/10 why? I mean do I need to tell you this? he is like Minho but just a little bit more obvious.. Prefers to express his love when you two are alone..(that's it)

In bed things? umm yes but no.. i mean he gives in to your begs but I feel like Seungmin is just too into cute cuddling and these things are only when he is very desperate ..

Cons? not much but maybe ignoring you when you ask if he can buy you ice Cream for the fifty-sixth time..(but gives in anyway)

Cute extra info- He likes when he sees you in his clothes.. but doesn't say it and acts like he doesn't..

✿ Jeongin

Baby, baby, Baby..... he is our baby boyyyy but his savage ass towards his Hyungs just breaks it all hahaha…

Jk he is actually really cute, caring, sweet and likes to be protective. It may not suit him but yes he likes scolding people if done wrong to you..

You might be older or younger honestly he doesn’t care.. he is very respectful to you either way. He loves you and is very shy too which you find cute.

Dates- Asks you for your opinion or his Hyungs. He still is very inexperienced so he doesn’t know but sometimes likes it when you two spend time on the swings of some random park with fruit juice 🧃..

PDA = 0/10 why? Cause no no no no not even to his members haha he is just too shy and likes to keep his relationship in its own boundaries.

In bed things? Nope please! I’m sorry stays but I just can’t with Jeongin… (no further details he is just so precious to me)

Cons? He understands very late.. like you trying to say you want to cuddle, kiss etc.. without words he won’t get it. Just fucking be straight forward with our baby.

Cute extra info- honestly everything is cute about him so I can’t fit it here sorry… stays use your imagination here…

끝…

#skz bang chan #skz leeknow #skz minho #skz changbin #skz hyunjin #skz jisung #skz felix #skz seungmin #skz jeongin #skz headcanons #skz x reader #skz imagines #skz fanfic #skz as boyfriends #skz fluff #skz angst

[not-me-simping-for-blasty]

some thoughts on what living with bakugou would be like:

-he’s weirdly organized. like he remembers where he put everything every time so if ur ever looking for something, most times he’ll just find it for u and it takes like .2 seconds

-will cook meals a large majority of the time, but if u bake sweets he’s an absolue sucker for them.

-if you’re like reALLY allergic to a certain type of bug or plant,, man’s got his eyes pEELED whenever y’all go somewhere together. like lets say, for example, ur allergic to bees. bakugou is blowing bees up left and right and u look at him and ur “no!! stop!!! bees are endangered!!” ,, he looks u dead in the face, like ur stupid or something and says “yeah. because of me. i’m gonna kill all of them.”

- if u have to get in an argument with somebody over the phone, he wants to hear it. like he’ll ask u to put the phone on speaker and he’ll just make mocking, bitchy faces while the other person is speaking. like,, he lets u fight ur own battles, but he wants to be there bullying the other person mercilessly in the background.

-if he doesnt like a song ur playing, he’ll just skip it. won’t ask, wont look at u, he’ll just skip it. borderline dick move tbh

-gets grumpy if u don’t follow his nightly routine on time, but also wont go to sleep without u. like he’ll just stay up and crab at u until u go to bed with him

-likes when u brush his hair for him. like u’ll be brushing yours, totally by urself fine, and he’ll just look at u and clear his throat until u roll ur eyes and beckon him over

-if u get like a bag of junk food or something,, do nOt leave that shit out, bakugou will finish it 10/10 times. he’ll finish it but then look at u and “why the fuck would u even bring that shit in here, huh? u tryin’ to get me out of shape or somethin?” ,, and u look at him like “idk man maybe just dont eat it then.” ,,, the glARE he gives u in response is muRDEROUS //pls this is quite literally the only area he lacks self control dont remind him\\

-has absolutely no regard for neighbors. he yells a lot and if y’all get noise complaints he just glares and 😡💥at the neighbor until they get scared and leave

-he thinks it’s funny to just subtly move things from time to time. like, for example, lets say plates. ,,, so like, u always keep plates on the left side of a certain cabinet, right?? but if he’s putting dishes away and feeling particularly petulant that day, he’ll just put away the plates on the right side instead. man’s then proceeds to smirk and laugh at u every time u open the wrong side of the cabinent from then on with a “jeez, u rlly are a moron, huh? they’re on the right side, remember?” god he’s annoying

-genuinely enjoys going grocery shopping by himself. like idk he just thinks it’s his quiet, personal time, u kno?? and he enjoys doing super-intense meal prep for the week anyways so he’s gotta make sure he gets the right ingredients

-u just hear muffled screaming from time to time. like u’ll be in the kitchen eating breakfast totally calm, and he’s making the bed and all the sudden just a “jesus fucking christ, swear to fuck im gonna blow up this stupid fuckin’ fitted sheet!” (which honestly??? valid. fuck fitted sheets.)

-if he doesn’t want to hang out with the bakusquad but they’re forcing him he’ll text u something like “I love you.” and then ofc ur like “i love u too. but also, u never just say that to me normally?? is something wrong?” and then total radio silence from him for like 20 mins and u get super worried,, and then he just sends u a video of mina or denki being loud with a “Can you get sick or something? I want to come home.” ,, i- 🧍

- isnt going to want a pet,, but if u have, like, a dog already when u move in with him, then it’s going to become bakugou’s dog. if he’s going to have to have a dog than he’s gonna make sure it likes him more than u

-hates doing laundry. will volunteer to do dishes instead 11/10 times

-he doesn’t sing in the shower but 100% plays the drums on the walls or his own stomach fight me on this

-he hates the smell of nail polish/nail polish remover. so if ur painting ur nails he’ll just walk in the room and walk directly out,, quickest way to get alone time

-speaking of alone time- say bye. u’ll get none of it,,, it’s not that he’s constantly on top of u or like talking to u, he just always sorta ends up in whatever room u are. like a cat, pretty much. like he won’t say anything, but if u get up to do something, he gets up and chooses to move his lounging to somewhere nearby

-he likes to scare the shit out of u. just like, rlly juvenile stuff like hiding around corners just to jump out at u. will just stand there and laugh when u scream, and will never, never apologize

-he gets weirdly worked up about hair?? just hates it, thinks it’s disgusting if he sees a stray hair anywhere. even if its his own. like yes it’s gross ig, but he gets so 🤮 about it

-he does house chores unecessarily loudly. like, u watch him and it seems like he’s doing everything totally normally,, but jesus christ why is it so loud

-gets bitchy around christmas if u decorate without him. he will complain the eNTIRE time if he does have to decorate, but will throw an even bigger fit if u dare to do it without him

-he gets mad if people drive too fast in ur neighborhood/ past ur apartment complex. like, y’all have 0 (zero!) kids, but he’s still up at the window like “Slow the fuck down, asshole! Why the hell doesn’t anyone have any common fuckin’ sense around here? That’s dangerous, you piece of shit!”

-if u sing around the house a lot, it’s the only habit of urs he’ll have absolutely nothing to say about. like it doesn’t even matter if ur a good singer or not, he just likes when he can hear u in the house even if ur not in the same room. he finds it comforting

-bakugou hates having people over to ur place. he thinks of it like his calm-space/safe-haven and it rlly pisses him off when people are there

-on the rare days he doesn’t have to work at all and stays home, mans is a total baby. he just refuses to get up for anything other than bathroom or meals and even then goes straight back to bed. he takes basically a 24 hr nap and expects u to do the same with him he’s so dramatic pls

-will make snarky comments about reality tv shows with u. just the bitchiest shit possible bc he enjoys trash talking as an art form, and absolutely does not care who it’s about

-likes to watch u do skincare stuff. he won’t ask questions and will be borderline offended if u offer some to him, but he just likes to watch u do it. man’s thinks of it as like his personal asmr

-hates online shopping. (pls i have absolutely no explanation for this one i just know its true)

-he has a lot of pride in his house so it’s actually rlly well decorated. like, he would never consent to living somewhere busted, lmaooo, so if u dont kno how to decorate he’ll figure it out for the both of u

-u can always tell if he’s falling asleep bc he constantly does that weird full-body jerk. like the one where it feels like ur falling

#bnha bakugou #bakugou katsuki #bnha bakugo katsuki #mha bakugou #bnha fic #katsuki bakugou #bakugou x reader #bakugou x y/n #mha fic