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brighteststar707 · 6 months

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All I've Ever Known

All I've ever known is how to hold my own But now I wanna hold you

Now I wanna hold you, hold you close I don't wanna ever have to let you go Now I wanna hold you, hold you tight I don't wanna go back to the lonely life

You finally convince Saeyoung to stop sleeping on the floor of the apartment.

✦ Saeyoung x gn!Reader ✦ Rating: general, very very fluffy ✦ Words: 2071

I've referenced some lines from an outgoing call on day 10 of his route in this fic, they're adapted a bit to fit the scene.

Seven usually waits until you have fallen asleep to go to sleep himself. Part of it is that he has so much work to do that he can barely afford more than a few hours of rest, and part of it is that it makes him feel vulnerable to try and sleep with you so close by. He has managed to keep his buffers up while he’s awake so far, but you follow him into his dreams, and he’s a lot less strong there.

Every night since he arrived at the apartment, you have been soothed to sleep by the sound of his fingers racing against his keyboard and him shuffling in place to try and get comfortable. He’s usually awake before you are too, sitting in the same position he was the night before. The only sign that he has gone to sleep at all are the marks on his cheek where his makeshift hoodie pillow has pressed into his face.

But one night, you woke up – something in your dreams about breaking glass and not being able to get enough air – and decided to get out of bed for a glass of water before trying to sleep again.

And there he was. Asleep, arms wrapped around the hoodie to keep it together under his head, his legs tucked close to his body. You could tell that he was uncomfortable, even unconscious. You had seen him rolling out his shoulders during the day, not-so discreetly wincing at his achy muscles. He might have been asleep, but he was far from restful.

You crept into the kitchen, got your glass of water, and returned to bed, but instead of trying to sleep again (you still didn’t feel like you could catch a full breath), you sat upright with the blankets pulled around you. You wondered what he was dreaming of. You wondered about what it would be like to have his arms around you instead of the blanket, if maybe then your heart rate would settle and you’d be able to fall asleep again.

It certainly wasn’t the first time you had imagined being close to him - those fantasies had started after a few late-night phone calls - but the memory of that night had remained with you.

So, after he finally opens up to you, after you promise him that you’re with him for whatever the future holds, it doesn’t take long for you to start wondering where he’s going to sleep now that he’s no longer keeping you at arm's length.

You stay up late tonight, both breaching the make-believe boundaries that he had set up. No space is off-limits. You sit next to him as he repairs the cat robot and allow your arms to touch. He doesn’t shrink away as you would have expected him to, he actually leans in closer to you. When he’s done, he takes your hand almost subconsciously, to keep you from leaving.

You play hide and seek over the phone, and when he finds you, he sweeps you into his arms without inhibition, really laughing for the first time in days. His cheeks pinken when he realises how close you are, but he doesn’t let go.

You pack up all your belongings (as if this was all just a long hotel stay, not the most disorienting ten days of your life). He rummages through every drawer and cabinet of the apartment for information. You avoid talking about sleep. You just know one thing for sure: you cannot let him sleep on the floor again tonight, even if you have to sleep on the sofa to make sure he gets some proper rest. Hopefully it doesn’t have to come to that, though.

Eventually, once there is nothing left to pack and you keep stifling yawns, you change into your pyjamas, hoping he will get the hint. When you emerge from the bathroom, his eyes linger on you for a second, before he realises that he’s staring and looks away quickly.

“Right- it’s getting late,” he says, voice nervous. “I shouldn’t have kept you up this long. Sorry, Sunshine. ”

You shake your head, but he’s still not looking at you. There’s something nervous and fluttery in your chest that urges you closer towards him.

“I don’t mind. We worked faster together than you would have by yourself.”

And you have. The whole apartment has been turned inside-out, the route has been planned, he has explained to you more or less what to expect from your trip, all the time worrying that something would scare you off. You reminded him again that you were in it for the long haul, and the look on his face made you want to kiss him right there. And, oh, it’s still so tempting.

“Will you be going to sleep soon too, Seven?”

“Ah… I wasn't going to, with so much going on.” He scratches the back of his head and smiles bashfully.

“You need to rest if you're going to drive us all that way tomorrow.”

“If I get tired I'll just –” he gestures towards his corner. The equipment and food have all been tidied up now, and all that’s left as a reminder that that was his corner at all is his duffel bag sitting there, ready to be picked up on the way out in the morning.

You take another step towards him. He finally looks back at you. It’s as if he can read your mind, the tips of his ears have turned a deep red at the mere thought of what you’re about to suggest. But you can see the exhaustion on his face, as clear as the embarrassment. It’s a fact: he hasn’t been sleeping well. He couldn’t lie about it even if he wanted to (and he has only just started telling the truth).

You reach for him, wrap your fingers gently around his wrist. He doesn’t move, he just keeps his eyes locked on you.

“I have a better idea.” You let it hang in the air for a second, implications obvious.

“I –”

“It’s not like that, I promise.” It’s your turn to blush now. “I just want you to be comfortable and … I don’t want to be far away from you.” You’ve said it a few times over the past few days, but for some reason this is the time that it makes you feel embarrassed.

“But you want me to sleep there? With you?”

“Yes... If you don’t want to, I can make up the sofa for the night. One of us can sleep there. I just can’t watch you sleep on the floor for another night, Seven.”

His flustered demeanour cracks for a second to reveal a mischievous grin. “You’ve been watching me sleep?” He pulls an exaggerated look of shock that’s cuter than it should be and covers his chest with his hands. “Why, 606, you little voyeur!”

He pokes your cheek and you let go of his wrist to swat at him playfully in an attempt to distract from your flustered expression. Of course, he’s not so easily deterred. He’s laughing, a proper full laugh that warms you up from the inside out, at the sight of you so caught off-guard (it is usually him in your position) and it’s like a switch has flipped and the tension that was building breaks. He reaches for your arm to pull you closer to him and you wrap your arms around his middle.

He speaks to you with his cheek resting against the side of your head, holding you tightly to his chest so you can hear his heartbeat (it’s racing). As quickly as his tone flipped from shy to playful, it switches again, this time to sound soft, honest (and slightly muffled).

“Trust me, I want to.”

“Then join me.”

“Can it that easy?”

“Yes.”

He desperately wants to believe it, and your tone helps him. It leaves no room for doubt. After all, everything so far has been so difficult, maybe just this part doesn’t have to be a fight against himself.

Without allowing himself a second longer to overthink it, he presses a quick kiss to your temple (your heart flutters) and slips off to get changed. You go to sit on the bed in the meantime, wrapping the blankets around you instinctively, and he’s back out before you know it.

He looks comfortable for once in sweatpants and a loose-fitting t-shirt. His cheeks are wonderfully pink, and you realise he’s looking to you for what comes next, frozen helplessly in the middle of the room.

“Seven, come here.”

He walks over to you obediently, watching you with eyes wide. With a little more encouragement, he sits down next to you and allows you to wrap the blanket around you both.

You sit that way for some time, tucked up against each other, simply enjoying the familiarity of sharing warmth with another person. It is a feeling Seven has only known subconsciously, but in the past few hours has grown to crave intensely.

Eventually, you make a move to lie down and he follows. Your back to his chest, you slot together perfectly. He huffs softly, and you feel his breath against your ear. His hands lay tucked up by his sides, as if he’s unsure of where to put them.

“Is this alright?” You ask. With him being so close, you only have to whisper for him to hear you.

“Yes. I was just thinking… it’s good to be together, but what if you can’t sleep tonight?”

“Me?” You ask incredulously. You’re so comfortable you could drift off to sleep in a minute. “Speak for yourself.”

He huffs again. Shuffles around a little. Moves his arm closer to you then pulls it back.

You turn around to face him, and he suddenly freezes.

“What’s the matter?”

“Ah- I’m just thinking.”

That mind of his never does give him a break, you think to yourself.

“Oh?”

He gives you a meaningful look. “I have wanted… this for a long time. I don’t want to mess it up.”

“You won’t.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because I like you.”

His face breaks into a wide smile and he finally drapes his arm around your waist.

“You say that so easily. Do you know what it does to me every time you do?”

You shake your head.

“Let me tell you.” His tone has gone soft, reminiscent of your conversation earlier today. He’s being vulnerable with you, and even he’s not used to it. You don’t say anything, you just curl up closer to him in anticipation of what he is going to tell you.

“I live alone in a big house with a lot of cars. My life has always been empty, so I filled up the space with material things, but none of it is real. It could all disappear in an instant.” He is drawing little circles on your lower back with his index finger as he talks. “You know, I didn’t used to mind that. It was normal. But now, I feel greedy. For the first time… there is something I desperately want.”

“What is that?”

He leans closer to you, so he can speak directly into your ear, and whispers, “You.”

Your heart lurches in your chest. How could he jump from being so shy to suddenly being so bold? You start to feel hot, but you tuck your face into his chest so he can’t see your expression. He will tease you relentlessly if he finds out what power his words can hold over you.

He chuckles and holds you closely to him. “Don’t go getting embarrassed on me now, Sunshine. I’m not going to take this back, I mean every word.”

But you don’t budge. You hold handfulls of his t-shirt clenched in your fists and nestle your head so it fits comfortably against his collarbone. He doesn't try to extract you. In fact, it seems like he quite enjoys your clinginess. He murmurs sweet words against your skin until you drift off to sleep, and probably afterwards too.

In a way, tonight is the most vulnerable he has allowed himself to be in a long time. But one of his last thoughts before he falls asleep is that maybe it isn’t so bad to be seen.

It’s even better to be held, though.

#long live hadestown #the musical ever #I bet you all thought I forgot about this #but here it is!#mystic messenger #mystic messenger saeyoung #mystic messenger saeyoung choi #mystic messenger 707 #mystic mesenger luciel choi #mysme #mysme luciel #mysme luciel choi #mysme saeyoung #mysme saeyoung choi #mysme 707 #my writing

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marshmallowprotection · 6 months

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Vampire fever finally caught me, but as always my mind chooses the path of angst—

And by angst I mean SE Saeran, of course.

So how would my favorite vampire deal with the mixture of guilt and bloodlust? Would he starve himself? Would he absolutely refuse to bite his partner again, even when they implore him to do so because it hurts them to see him suffer like that? I'm so, SO curious.

- Assistant Anon.

At first, he tried to starve himself.

Saeran's self-destructive tendencies are in full-swing.

He wants to destroy himself because he sees no purpose in going on from where he stands. Depending on what happened when he was rescued from that situation he was in, if you were the one to get hurt in the line of fire instead of Jihyun—that would break him.

I imagine he would have built up an image of you in his head, one that imagined you to be indestructible because no matter what he did in a moment of impulse, you would never break. Even if you were human and that meant you could be destroyed, you never felt, so in his head, it almost felt as though nothing could get rid of you, not even him.

If you got hurt... if he nearly drained you dry... if he hurt your body with any capacity of his brute force?

Well, he would blame himself for it.

You deserve better than the devastation and destruction he brings everywhere he goes. You brought kindness into his world when he didn't know it and even if he didn't deserve it, you still gave it to him readily and he never wanted to put you in a position that would get you hurt. The only reason why he took you was because your blood was so strong, so sweet, and meant for him.

You were meant to be together, that's what he thought, but after seeing you laying in a pool of your own blood, that would make him want to leave you behind because why would you ever want to be with a damned soul that could kill you at any moment?

You don't deserve to be damned... to be a monster... to destroy everything you hold dear in a fit of blood lust you can't control. God, he nearly took you away from this world... why would you want to go back into his arms? Get away from him! That's what he screams if you try to come close to him. Get so far away that you can have a normal mortal life!

He can't bear the idea of having been the one to kill you. He can't stomach it.

If he had a stomach, all of its contents would've been expelled the minute he thought about what it would feel like to be the one who killed you.

Saeyoung would have to force blood bags down his throat to keep him alive. That's how bad it would get. But, considering Saeyoung's actions in the canon universe, he already had to be on guard with every attempt Saeran made against his life. This is no different. No glass this time, just blood bags he pays someone off for to ensure his brother is taken care of... since he's afraid of trusting Jumin's offer on the off chance Saejoong thinks something about that when he goes looking.

I imagine that he wouldn't allow himself to feed from you. Even if it was an incredibly desperate situation, he would go out of his way to find something else or just get rid of himself because if it comes between your safety and him becoming a monster, he would rather get rid of himself than have you get hurt again.

It's the same reason why he keeps the tattoo after everything that happened, it is a reminder of what he did and what he was, and as long as it's with him, he can never forget. If he never forgets, then he will always be conscious of his actions.

He is trying everything in his power to make sure it never happens again, and it is definitely not healthy but it's the only way he knows how to cope with his situation. That's not to say that he doesn't miss the sensation that comes with the intimacy of sharing that moment with you, he does, but to him, it's just... not worth the risk of losing you.

That is something he's terrified of.

But, there is a chance... a very small one... that he might let himself drink your blood again. It'll come down to a heated conversation at his worst when he's denying blood bags, and Saeyoung is at his wits end. Obviously, he doesn't want to hurt you, but your blood... the way it works in this universe... it tastes better than any blood... it gives his body the power he needs... way faster than any other blood he takes in.

He will try everything to push you away, but you'll offer your arm up and no matter how much he wants to push it away, you'll keep it in front of him. You were always like that. Even at his worst, you thought about what he needed to survive instead of what you did. It's not a good look for you, but at the same time, he can't deny that kindness in your eyes always made him feel good.

"Saeran, I want you to take my blood, okay? You're not going to hurt me."

"I could."

"You won't."

"I could."

"But, you won't. Saeyoung's standing outside if that's what you're afraid of. I know you better than that, Saeran, and I know you won't do anything to put me in danger. But if you're so afraid of something going wrong, the minute I make a noise that sounds wrong, he'll stop you. You can't keep denying yourself what you need to survive."

"I can get other—"

"We both know my blood is what your body needs, Saeran. We both know the difference between what happens when you get something for me and when you get it from somewhere else. It's day and night. Let me do this for you. You're not manipulating me to do it, I want to do it."

"...You're insane."

"No, I just love you."

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