Trying out this coda thing for the first time….
“Where do you go?” Maddie ask, pushing the reminants of lunch around her plate.
Buck looks up at her in confusion, “Where do I go when?”
His sister doesn’t meet his eye, “Where do you run off to when,” she pauses and Buck can see her trying to find the words that won’t hurt either of them. “When you want to get away from telling everyone you’re fine?”
His grip tightens on his fork, hating that his sister and maybe every person she has sent to his door is seeing through his lies. He also hates that he’s going to lie to her again.
Buck isn’t going to tell her where he’s going because it meant losing the one place he has left to not be fine, his one last place of comfort. The one last place he feels safe.
The moment he tells Maddie about going to Eddie’s, he’ll lose it to the intrusion of overbearing worry. To the sad gazes and pitiful looks. To the constant reminders that he died.
Yea, Eddie worries too and yes he brought up the fact that for a whole three minutes the candle of Buck’s life was diminished. But Eddie didn’t push, he waited for Buck to come to him first. He asked what Buck wanted instead of taking all choices away. Eddie let’s Buck be not fine without the lies and underlying pity.
“Maddie…” Buck sighs.
Finally his sister looks at him, her brown eyes filling up with tears. Buck has to swallow his own down, and fight the urge to give in to her inquiry. “I-I just don’t want you drifting away somewhere alone. And I’m not trying to know your every move okay? But you’re leaving a place with people who love you and want to be there for you, to go what? Be alone, prove that your fine?”
“Maddie I promise you I’m trying my best not to drift away. And I know I am loved and I appreciate how much everyone wants to be there for me. But at times it just gets to be too much.” Buck drops his fork and wipes a his hand across face, trying to keep the tears at bay, “I’m not trying to prove anything. And I’m not alone. Okay? Where I’m going I’m not alone.”
Maddie bites her lower lip then reaches over to take his hand in her much smaller one, “i just want to be there for you. We all do.”
And Buck gets that, better than anyone. It’s one of the reasons why he was driven crazy after Maddie ran away, why he kept her secrets from Chimney. Maddie knows him, knows about her little brothers deep need to be taken care of when he’s hurting.
But her way of doing it, worked for the younger Buck. It worked for Evan, the child she raised. Now he doesn’t need the constant attention and soft words and having simple tasks done for him without even asking.
What Buck needs is a steady presence that steps in when he’s ready, to be told the harsh reality, to be able to wash his own damn dishes and given a choice of what he wants.
And that’s Eddie.
The same Eddie who last year made him realize that there parts of Maddie that only Chimney understands and know. That Bucks help isn’t what Maddie needs, but what Chimney could give her instead.
Buck needs what only Eddie can offer and Maddie doesn’t really know that part of her brother. And that’s okay.
“Maddie there are parts of me that only this place can help heal. And telling you will take that away. You don’t know all of me, understand everything about me. But this place does. Just like Chimney knows a Maddie I will never know, there is a Buck you will never know.”
Deep down, very deep down Buck comprehends that he is comparing Chimney’s love for his sister to what he and Eddie share. But it’s buried under too much trauma and hurt to really see and admit at the moment.
Maddie gives his hand a squeeze and takes a deep breath, “okay.” She relents, “okay. You don’t have to tell me. Just promise me you’re safe and taken care of.”
Buck gives her a very soft smile, his mind drifting to a soft blue couch, silly nicknames, and patient understanding, “I’m in the safest place with the care I need.”
He thinks of Eddie and the feeling of dread shrinks just a little more.
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Trick or treat!
Shaking his head as Remus steps forward again, Sirius says sharply, "It's just pretty words. It doesn't mean anything."
"Maybe," agrees Remus vaguely, conceding a bit, "or maybe not." Sirius scoffs loudly, eyes shifting away briefly, but Remus doesn't react, watching him closely, cataloguing the pinch to his brows, the crease forming between them, the way his mouth wobbles so faintly that it's barely noticeable but there all the same. "What else could it be except that? We keep getting thrown together repeatedly, bodily running into one another, as kids, in the shop, through acquaintances that shouldn't exist in such a large place but somehow do. You get injured after years of nothing, no major accidents and here I am, searching for exactly you in everyone I've ever accepted, armed with the specific skills you needed in that moment all because of a…a fucking tragedy that tore us apart in the first place.
"None of it should have lined up, not even once, but it did and has, over and over again. You shouldn't have been exactly what I needed in that moment on that wall all those years ago, but you were, and you never stopped," pushes Remus plaintively, feeling breathless now, hands twitching to reach out and simply touch, just to reassure himself Sirius is still real and here. "The universe keeps tossing us together except it's not, it's giving, and for once in my life all I want is to be selfish and take because I want you more than anything else, past, present, or future. All I have ever wanted is you before I even knew you existed. I laid in my bed as a kid, staring at my ceiling, trying to keep the dizziness and sickness away, praying to a god I don't believe in for you, Sirius. Only ever you."
Trick or treat!
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Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Blackbeard | Edward Teach/Stede Bonnet
Characters: Blackbeard | Edward Teach, Stede Bonnet
Additional Tags: Ficlet, Missing Scene, Spoilers S2E6-7, Fluff, Implied Sexual Content, Euphemisms, Idiots in Love, First Times
Series: Part 14 of Edward Teach/Stede Bonnet, Part 26 of Fandom Shorts
Summary:
Random takes and scenes in space and time for various fandoms I love as inspired by Fanart and the Fandom in general.
Their first morning waking up together in the same bed. Snuggling while enjoying… breakfast. (Actual edibles to follow later when they wake up again).
Filling in the blanks for S2E06/07.
A follow-up to my other story “Can we just… take things slowly?”
Part of Fandom Shorts / Ed/Stede series
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