#my gender is too complex for him to understand but he's literally just like Whatever | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

iphisesque · 10 months

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So like what's the deal with the incest stuff. Is it a bit? Did you actually fuck one or both of your parents? Do you just want to? You don't seem, like, upset about it in a way I'd expect if you'd been abused as a child, but maybe my expectations aren't right. Sorry if this is rude but your posts are confusing me.

it is a bit rude but i do want to answer it in earnest just to like clear things up and whatnot (and tbh i doubt there's any way to ask this question nicely so i don't blame you at all lmao).

[very long ramble under the cut in case you understandably don't care or don't want to hear about this; tw for parental abuse and incest]

i didn't actually have sex with either of my parents, i went through a lot of abuse and neglect on both their parts in ways i am not comfortable just enumerating online and that honestly i am not yet comfortable facing in general; i was also raised in a very weird way, which i don't even mean as a negative thing, but one of the things my family believes in (to varying degrees) is that i am on some level the reincarnation of my late grandfather, whom my mother has an actual proper electra complex about. i don't like to throw around the word "emotional incest", im not an expert or a professional and it's a word that gets thrown around way too much to have any credibility anymore, but i do think there was some of that going on with my mother, simply by virtue of our situation being the way it was — struggling single mom with a chronic illness and her eldest star prodigy daughter, tale as old as time or whatever.

i never liked my father, not since i was a child, and i honestly dreaded spending time with him whenever i had to; i definitely saw my mom as a respite from having to go to my father's place or even interact with him at all, not entirely deservedly, since with some distance i can see that he was trying to do his best and that my mother was almost as abusive as him. regardless, it was very much the least of two evils, and there was a long time when i was a teenager that i absolutely hated my mother nearly as much as i hated my father: part of that is definitely due to our clashing opinions on how i should dress and carry myself, she always wanted me to be more feminine-presenting and "sexual" whereas i wanted to be as masculine and modest as possible (which is definitely how i present now, and i do think with time she's grown to understand that it wasn't a phase). at the same time, i also understood this preoccupation as her just wanting me to be like my peers and not be socially ostracized, whereas my father's homophobia and dislike of my gender presentation i had trouble perceiving as anything but him being disappointed he couldn't control me (again, not entirely deservedly).

there would be a lot to get through here, but essentially: neither of my parents were good to me, my mother was the least bad and we clung to each other like lifeboats, my father i could not bear to be around and me and my sister would try as hard as we could not to go see him or spend time with him, so i adapted to my mother's toxic environment as best as i could. i recognized this situation as bad and unhealthy, and i was itching to leave, literally counting down the days until my graduation when i was 13: leaving home was always my dream, especially since my parents and especially my mother were never able to leave their own, and when it came time to make my decision for university i went to rome in a heartbeat (whenever i complain about this city it is with the utmost understanding that she is my ticket to freedom).

however, i was so excited to sever the umbilical cord around my neck that i underestimated the degree to which i would suffer from it: i obviously did not miss my father, and i missed my sister very much as expected (and she's now all alone in the same hell i was stuck in, so i feel really guilty about leaving her), but i found myself missing home and my mother very intensely, i longed and still long to go back home even though i know for a fact i would be absolutely miserable if i did go back. me and my mother both have been sublimating that same homesickness of each other in a "romantic" way, i guess, missing each other like you would miss a life partner and acting accordingly — i suppose we were life partners, in a way, and i can't help feeling like this even knowing what she put me through, i can't help making excuses for her even though i know the reality of her actions, in a way that doesn't ring true for my father.

basically to answer your question, i feel like this incest thing i have going on is a sublimation or like archetypal rendition of my very complex feelings about my mother and my father: it's not that i want to do anything with them, it's a way my brain has found to cope with their abuse and with my present situation, and while definitely not the healthiest, i don't mind entertaining it for now, since it makes me feel good. i am at a point in my life where i cannot impose restrictions on my mind, so i just let myself feel how i feel and experience the world how i do: i am sure in the future i will think back on this season of my life and cringe, but i hope i will have enough grace towards my past self that i will be able to forgive myself and move on with my life. at the end of the day, i believe everyone is entitled to their feelings and that someone's thoughts are not as important as their actions, so the fact that i feel these things doesn't prevent me from being the person i want to be, especially since i don't go around sharing my thoughts on this in real life and risk actually triggering people. i express my thoughts on the internet because it's the ultimate safeword: if you are an actual victim of incest or someone who's otherwise triggered by incest and my blog understandably makes you upset, you can just close it and block me and never look at it again, just as i do with e.g. eating disorder blogs: this says nothing about us as people, just that we know what we can and cannot bear to see and are able to act accordingly.

i hope this was a somewhat clear explanation and that i answered your question to satisfaction! it goes without saying that my fascination with fictional incest and its horror is somewhat detached from my own incestuous feelings, though there's obviously some overlap insofar as your personal experiences inform the types of art you enjoy: i was as young as 12-14 and fascinated by incest literature, i always understood that fiction and reality were two separate matters (and that fiction can treat horrific topics with the respect and gravity they deserve and that is often absent from real life discussion of those very same topics) — though i am sure my subconscious did pull from those very themes and archetypes i enjoy reading about when it was developing this coping mechanism, that's just how the human mind works.

#incest tw #abuse tw #long post (like LONG long. open readmore at your own risk)#this isn't proofread so forgive me if this isn't any stellar prose on my part though i do hope it's at least legible

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homophyte · 11 months

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okay im going to be vulnerable and admit though ive owned house of leaves for a few months i was spurred to start reading it the other day after watching that video on myhouse.wad . no one make fun of me. that being said.

im not necessarily going though it super in depth and more just trying to unravel some stuff for funsies with some various help from old forums and what strikes me as sometimes glaringly missing from discussions on the book is the way it relates to women. like the fact that the house itself is treated as though it has a female identity will get talked about but theres not rlly discussions about the ramifications of that--how will and holloways posturing--named as explicitly about 'male dominance'--is essentially a fight over who gets to get the girl. wills early venture into the house is literally likened to karen kissing wax, like theyre BOTH infidelities, and thats not nearly the first time karen herself treats the situation like the house is her romantic rival or at least rival for wills attention (im not far enough in to have too solid a grasp on the implications of the name delial--but lets just say i have a suspicion?).

anyway whats maybe even more interesting than that is the way its kinda ALL about gender--its men who keep entering the house desperate to know what its about, its men driven to write about it and uncover its secret knowledge, and it drives them fucking crazy. like...you can read that--VERY EASILY--as men 'discovering' the ""hidden"" interiority of women, like, the very idea that women are complex people with their own ideas and emotions and inner worlds. the fact that the house has a secret inside is huge fucking news and just about every man in the novel reacts to it as such, but the reactions from women are like...not that. idk im not done with it by any means but the similarity between the conversations between karen & wax at the end ch VII and johnny & thumper at the end of VIII really apparent. when thumper is listening to johnny, seeking to understand him, being really invested and interested and not reacting with annoyance or disdain or boredom like he expects, it genuinely really knocks him out to the point he nearly cries--and then he bottles it up, writes it off, even when she echoes karens exact words flirting with wax he doesnt register it.

the text displays a consciousness around gendered expectations here, particularly bc thumper is a sex worker, that she cant be expected to intellectually engage w it, but she can and does...and then johnny doenst know what to DO about it, how to engage w a real moment of understanding between the sexes or whatever so he very consciously falls back on gender expectations for men and refuses to feel that connection, severing the tie he inadvertently built w her and consigning the moment to unknowable blackness. the void is invented by people determined to treat it as foreign--which often means treating it as hostile (holloways gun, johnnys suspicions when thumper didnt call him back).

that she ends with the comment 'you just need to get out of the house' is like...almost laughably on the nose especially w the way chauvanist culture has proliferated on the internet. like in the book too, dont get me wrong, its just so startlingly accurate to whats going on it seems like she really must UNDERSTAND in a way johnny fails to capture in his narration but still comes through due to her being kinda fucking great--sorry i REALLY like thumper in this actually she may be my favorite. its sort of difficult for me to look at the line and divorce it in my head from the phenomenon of the incel--read a certain way, you have johnny ranting and raving about how he just cant ever figure out what the collective 'woman' is thinking and all this time hes spent driving himself crazy about it, and thumper listening and understanding and very sympathetically and honestly saying 'that wouldnt be a big deal if you interacted w women instead of holing up inside trying to theorize about it.'

i dont necessarily think its a mistake that johnny is the kind of person he is, a partying womanizer or whatever, bc sex becomes his only interaction w women (his failure to talk abt the book w kyrie in favor or fucking her) just as entering the house becomes wills only interaction w it (or at least he rages when he cant have that interaction, he values it above others). the book is pretty clear about both of these acting as forms of penetration. as johnny gets more invested in the text he interacts more and more w the women zampano used as interpreters and comes more and more into contact w women and less and less able to deny their interiority.

the reaction from men that women are people is simple and plain disbelief, followed by disconnected, invasive, rigorous study, study that is likened to war, to surgery, to expedition--anything but understanding. its kind of baffling idk maybe im just not looking in the right place to see people talking about it but this sorta feels like...the point. hell even earlier in ch VII on page 91 you get will and holloway excitedly talking about calling the press about their huge discovery that no one will believe...and then just, karen, living her life, treated like an enigma. i literally have this written in my notes as "men discover women have internality; their wives decline to comment"

#myposts #thats not even to mention the uncanny similarities of the whalestoe letters to some stuff in the rest of the book #the intrusion of men the inability of men to understand women as a form of violence. etc #thats not to say i find it particularly groundbreaking a feminist analysis of gender relations or anything?#its more just like...hey where are the mediocre liberal feminists in talking about this this would totally be their thing #idk i very well might be just looking the wrong place #and again im not finished with it. so i could be dead fucking wrong #but at least rn its the main thing i keep seeing pop up over n over

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berryicet · 1 year

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Please don't feel obligated to answer this ask at all if it's uncomfortable!!

Can you explain what an mspec lesbian is?? Because I've seen it associated with bi/pan lesbians and I don't support that at all. Genderfluid and he/him users can be lesbians as long as their gender isn't strictly male, cause it fluctuates between nb and a woman too I'm p sure!!

But like?? Men and demi-boys (still including being a male) are men?? And lesbian is non men ?? So I'm confused on what it is??

Sorry if this is an odd ask !!! But I saw the lesboy silver spoon thing and I think it's cool but I don't wanna support something bad :(

Bi/pan and mspec lesbians never have and never will be something bad. It's just queer people using labels however they wish to use them.

The "non men loving non men" definition is literally just a Tumblr definition, and also a really flawed one. A non man? But what about bigender people who are simultaneously a man and woman but feel strict attraction to women? In this case, maybe the term "bi lesbian" would fit them!

Also the "genderfluid can be lesbians as long as they aren't strictly male" is completely missing the point of being genderfluid. Maybe the term you're looking for is genderfae, but genderfluid will always fluctuate to masc genders. That won't change my attraction to women in any way. I'm still a lesbian.

Maybe the definition "queer attraction to women" will help a little more, but I see that as the inherent problem. You shouldn't try to put strict definitions on things, because that will inevitably end up excluding someone (almost always certain trans people).

Also warning you that the "bi/mspec lesbians aren't valid" talk is blatant TERF rhetoric. It's trying to push this idea of a "gold star lesbian". It sees men or men aligned genders in this case as "tainting the purity" of a "true lesbian". It claims that men are trying to steal women and lesbians spaces, when in reality that's far from the truth. The American government has passed around 60 anti-trans laws in the past few months and multiple gay bars are raided and shot up by conservatives. It's not other queer people hurting the community. It's just a made-up issue on tiktok spread around by teens who don't bother to look deeper into it.

Whatever sort of queer discourse arrises, jsyk other queer people are not the enemy and never will be. So if someone wants to use the mspec or bi lesbian label? Then yeah. Whatever. It's a personal thing. You shouldn't get mad at someone over a personal thing just because you don't understand it. Gender and sexualities are complex.

Get rid of the little bug in your brain that tells you everything should have strict definitions and rules, because that basically goes against everything the queer community has been about and has been fighting against.

#please be aware of what sort of ideas you're spreading around #some hateful messages are sugarcoated in this 'im doing this for progression!' excuse #asks

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mythologyfolklore · 7 months

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Liù'ěr Míhóu joins the jttw gang, or: How to redeem an all-hearing celestial monkey with a superiority complex and a seriously bad attitude

Chapter ten: A revelation, pt. 02

“You better have good reason to wake us before even the sun is up!”, grumbled Zhū Bājiè, as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.

Sūn Wùkōng rolled his eyes: “Oh, don't start whining! You sleep too much anyway, lazybone!”

Shā Wùjìng was more concerned than grumpy. “What happened, Eldest Brother?”, he asked. “You said it was an emergency, but Master is here and safe.”

Tripitaka just let out an unintelligible grumble.

Bái Lóng Mă and Liù'ěr Míhóu looked drained. No wonder, after all the latter had been crying all night and the former had comforted him all the while.

“It's a different kind of emergency, Old Shā”, Wùkōng explained. “Liù'ěr Míhóu here-”

“Sūn Wùhuàn”, corrected Tripitaka (oh, he was finally awake enough to talk!).

Wùkōng rolled his eyes again. “Whatever. Anyway, he has something to say.”

“He?”, echoed Tripitaka.

Liù'ěr Míhóu had paled and was staring at Wùkōng in horror. “You-”

“Yeah, yeah, I was awake. Now spill!”

The Macaque looked like he wanted to sink into the ground, but Bái Lóng Mă gave him an encouraging nudge and he took a deep breath.

“I …” Hesitation and another deep breath. “… I'm not … I'm not a female.”

Tripitaka was visibly nonplussed, Bājiè looked like he didn't give a fuck and Shā tilted his head in curiosity.

“My body and voice are feminine”, Liù'ěr Míhóu continued. “But I'm not … I'm not a She. I'm a He.”

An icy silence fell over them.

For a few moments the six of them sat like that, five of them staring at the Six-Eared Macaque, whose ears and tail twitched with anxiety.

In the end the silence was broken by Bājiè: “Okay.”

Liù'ěr Míhóu gawked at the pig demon: “What? 'Okay'?! No mockery? No telling me that no, I'm a female? No telling me, that I'm sick, confused or a freak? No disregarding my identity? Because that's what they all do!”

“Bullshit!”, snapped Wùkōng. “And another thing: you have some explaining to do, Mister! Why did you never tell us you're actually a guy?! You never corrected us, when we used the wrong pronouns and got your temperament¹ wrong! Why?!”

“Would it have made a difference?!”, spat the Macaque. “Would any of you have accepted my gender and taken me seriously, or would you have continued treating me as a woman, like literally everyone else does?! Except for two creatures in all of China, no one has ever accepted me for who I was! Why would you be different?! We don't even like each other! What makes you think I'd trust you with my true self, when I can't even be certain, that you won't kill me in my sleep?!” He sniffled. “Fuck this! What's even the point of telling you all that? To you I'm just an impersonator and a robber, am I not? The only beings in creation who care are Bái Lóng Mă and a female crow demon² I haven't seen in decades!”

He sniffled again, but didn't break into tears.

Now Shā stood up, came over and sat near the six-eared monkey.

“Six-Eared Macaque?”

The white monkey glared up at the river demon.

“Please don't make assumptions about us, Youngest Brother.” Shā's voice was gentle, but firm. “We're not so shallow as to reduce people to what they look like. Just take a look at us and tell me, if we'd have much ground to stand on, if we did.”

“…”

“What I mean is, we accept you. And if you need time to believe that, that's okay. Just don't tell us what we think and what we don't. If I understand you right, you thought that if you told us about your true temperament, we'd believe it to be just another lie. But don't worry, Youngest Brother. If you say you're a man, then that's what you are. Eldest Brother is just grumpy, because he has been wrong about you the whole time and didn't realise.”

Wùkōng held back a smile; dear, understanding and sensible Shā!

“What about slaphead?”, Liù'ěr Míhóu asked and pointed at Tripitaka.

The monk was still staring at him, like he had grown another head.

Zhū Bājiè scooted over and waved a hand in front of Tripitaka's face. “Master? Can you hear me? Helloooo? Wood Mother³ to Scripture Pilgrim? Are you in there?”

No response.

The Pig Demon sighed. He looked completely done, as he turned to the rest of them.

“Guys … I think we broke our master.”

---

Tripitaka.exe has stopped functioning. Please reboot your Scripture Pilgrim.

1) The Chinese word for temperament (xing) can also mean gender (the characters are different, but pronounced the same way). I actually learned that from a post from this account: https://www.tumblr.com/antidotefortheawkward (I swear, the things I learn from hellsite ...) 2) The female crow demon is an OC that will appear in later chapters. ^^ 3) Wood Mother: one of Bajie's many nicknames in the novel.

#journey to the west #sun wukong #tripitaka #liu er mihou #bai longma #zhu bajie #sha wujing

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amberfossils · 2 years

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👉👈 tord headcanons?

PICKING YOU UP AND THROWING YOU AROUND (as a greeting)

Here's my Tord headcanons/how he is in my idiot pea brain au (or just eddsworld but how I pretend it is tm), also it's a very long post oops. I might actually make a proper like timeline later but shrugs. Rather just put it somewhere first to get it outta my lil brain cavern

also when i say long i fucking MEAN long, okay? I fucking warned you

Generally he's pretty close with Matt, they're very open with one another and he goes to Matt for honest advice. Matt's not the greatest for book smarts but he's good for a lot of the things Tord struggles with (understanding complex emotions, coping mechanisms, how to go about certain things, how to process his trauma, if he should go to a therapist ((he should)), etc), so it works out pretty well. He's also just a rat bastard so they're best buds

He's more neutral towards Tom, he's not a big fan of him just due to them both tending to do things their own separate way and not being really interested in putting the effort into improving their relationship. They coexist, and sometimes they'll hang out, but it's usually something like watching a movie or a board game, nothing too grand.

He's also very close with Edd, but he's less open to really telling him secrets or looking to him for comfort- they're good friends, sure, but they're not exactly opening their hearts to eachother over coffee every morning. Edd takes them all on cool adventures and technically owns the house, and Tord follows along because they're interesting and he thinks Edd's pretty funny and being around those three doesn't get boring.

Tord is completely asexual but v sex-positive! He doesn't find anyone attractive per say but he still finds it enjoyable so he's fine w/ it as long as his partner understands that.

He's also aro and romantically indifferent. Like he finds some people romantically attractive, but he doesn't really care for labeling his relationships with people and he doesn't find that different labels make him happier, and personally prefers to call himself aromantic (not arospec or aspec or any other label under the umbrella, but specifically aromantic). He's specifically romantically attracted to masculine presenting people.

He goes by he/him if you ask him but he doesn't actually mind being called any other pronouns other than she/her. He literally doesn't have preferred pronouns, it's more just the ones people already use so he says em that way nobody gets confused. He doesn't say he has no pronouns though because he looks very, cishetallo and the last time he said he had no pronouns there was kind of a misunderstanding about whether he was making fun of them or not so he just SAYS he/him.

He's agender but he believes he's cis, and thinks that if he wasn't born a man he'd just sorta be whatever. If you asked him that "what gender would you be if your consciousness was put into a robot?" question he'd just be like "i would be a sick ass fucking robot who cares??" and he'd think that's what every cis person feels like

He's also blonde, his hair color changes in different eras because he dyes it.

He's also a big fan of techwear and cyberpunk clothing, but he tends to dress more average because it's too much effort for him to make a proper outfit just to go back inside in like 10 minutes. He over-thinks his outfits a lot so it's not really worth it to dress up all cool every single time he goes to the grocery store, and he's not a big fan of being confronted (although he's not afraid of confrontation, he thinks the comments are annoying and he's not usually in a good enough mood to deal with it).

He prefers black and red, and he can't wear white because he constantly stains his clothes.

Sometimes he does dress up, usually because Matt wants to make different outfits and wants opinions on them or because Matt said something would look good on him. He won't go out in any of the outfits on his own, but sometimes Matt convinces him to go out together n do stuff.

He genuinely enjoys tackling problems and finding solutions to things, as well as learning how things work (both as parts and as a whole), and he took up PC building as a hobby before working up to tinkering and inventing things himself. He also works as a vehicle mechanic :]

He's very anti-capitalism in general, but extremely strongly against capitalizing on disabilities. This, combined with his newfound skills in tinkering and engineering, leads him to start creating his own prosthetics. He starts off simpler before making them more and more complex and more and more functional, constantly working to challenge his skillset more and more and find new problems to solve.

After a while, he feels like his current job isn't challenging him enough and it's getting boring, so he decides to search for something that would properly use his newfound skills and beliefs. He wants to sell his prosthetics and inventions, but to do so and make enough profit would mean making them extremely expensive, which is what he's very much against.

At this point, he's already very against the current government that enables and encourages corruptness and greed, and like the undiagnosed mentally ill bitch who's never experienced true failure and constantly survived many, MANY near-death experiences, he's like fuck it! I can do better! I definitely won't fuck this up or get killed by the government lols

So anyway he goes to Edd and he's like Hey! I have this great idea! We should overthrow the government with sick fucking robots and take over the world!!

And Edd's like! That's the dumbest idea ever, Tord! Like actual batshit! Like I'm not even that stupid!

So Tord's like fuck! Okay! Mr. 'i can survive anything and nobody can tell me no or question my judgement when I throw out batshit ideas' says he doesn't wanna help! I'll just ask my old work pals Paul and Pat, who ALSO hate the government and capitalism, to start a revolution with me!

And uh they do. And it's going well with Paul and Pat's help, and I could talk about the actual relationships between them but not the point, basically Tord just makes big decisions and finds a cool bunker to make their main base and makes cool robots. But, his main mecha is in his workspace at Edd's house. He leaves and takes Paul and Pat with him to this new bunker he found, deciding he could come back for the mecha.

So their little army grows, and it's generally just referred to as "the red army" as a stupid joke before they get a real name. It sticks anyway though, because now their soldiers are referring to it as that and it'd be confusing to rebrand.

I'll go into more detail later, but basically Pat does a lot of the recruiting, whilst Paul uses some land he owns (inheritance) to have stores and restaurants and bars open to make money for the army.

As it continues, the army grows stronger, and eventually Tord feels like he's ready to actually start the takeover. He has spies implanted, plans made. So he decides it's time to get the mecha back.

He gets the mecha! Cool. But, Tom finds out about it, which we can't have- he can't have someone spoil his plans, so he attempts to kill him, or at least make him... Forget.

The issue with this is, well, he doesn't have the memory eraser gun. After it's initial failure, he decided to scrap it and use it for spare parts. So, fuck it, all aboard the let's kill Tom train!

Basically that gets fucked up because some monster Tom strength bullshittery I don't care enough to work out. Figure it out, Tom has the strength of god and he's just as tired. That's for later though

So, Tord thinks he's dead, realizes Edd and Matt also are here now, and he's like shit! Fuck! ass! curse words in various languages! and gets his shit blown up. And, btw, he is CONSTANTLY from then on confused as to why Tom survived the whole house falling on him and shit with barely a scar.

Too bad, he gets picked up by Pat and Paul and (shocker) they can't do the initial plan for the takeover if the mecha is broke as shit. Luckily enough for Tord, he knows about prosthetics! And he makes a fuckin WICKED arm. And, you know what? Why not throw in a sick helmet too? Listen, he's stuck out-of-service with nothing to do for a while, he made a super cool cyberpunk helmet.

He also learns about something going on in one of the towns that Paul has a bar in! There's stories of some sort of large monster roaming around at night, killing those who are out too late. Apparently housing is pretty cheap there though because of it. And in THIS housing market? Yeah, the monster practically has an infinite supply of food.

So, like anyone who thinks that they have bested god and that nothing on earth could ever kill them (listen surviving an actual explosion, zombie apocalypse, and multiple intruder/serial killers, and also not assassination attempts? kinda going to his already VERY inflated ego), he's like yeah!! I don't gotta remake the mecha from scratch- I can get my hands on this monster! this will not backfire!

He goes to the town and he's searching around breaking into places the monster has been and he's like shit, this just looks like an animal attack. He doesn't know shit about the local wildlife or anything like that, but he's also kind of sure that no animal around here or on earth would have claws big enough to leave those kinds of scratches around the place, so he's got his hopes up.

He also decides to stay the night at a hotel, and ends up trying to find the monster by going out late at night. He goes to Paul's bar, disappointed that he hadn't managed to tempt it out, and comes face to face with Tom, a bartender who's been working there for about... well, since the incident. Listen, housing prices were decent when they first moved in, and now with this whole monster thing (conveniently happening after the incident, when Tom and the other two first moved in)? Yeah settling down here was kind of an obvious choice for him.

Tom doesn't recognize him at first because personally me fucking neither, you come in where I work I am not looking at you I serve you you're gone to me. Do not care. Eventually though, he looks up and realizes who it is and basically completely freezes in shock. Thankfully/due to plot purposes it's like a fucking tuesday at 9 pm and nobody's there, so.

I'll go into more detail talking about Tom about his shifts and shit but whoopsies he's like half shifted and Tord's running out of room to run real fucking quick! So like any normal person, and I mean no normal person because Tord is anything but rational, he's like oh sick! you won't hurt me I'm your friend. anyways he's half right because sure, Tom doesn't KILL him, but only because he's only half shifted and surprised and listen he has work tonight and he wants tips and if he shreds his uniform he'll have to buy a new one. So, Tord just gets kicked out, and he calms down and shit.

Tord remakes his prosthetic and he's planning on using Tom (who is unaware of his plans and has not agreed to partake in this "new world order" thing) as the secret bioweapon to slaughter platoons of men. yippee!

Blah blah hurt comfort, Tom's angry and Tord's trying desperately to comfort him to attempt to apologize for his previous actions whilst also evaluating his own problems and dealing with them headfirst instead of just pretending like he's all mentally there and completely diving into his work though. Tom's taken back to the base in exchange for getting more understanding and control over his monster form and also cash, because he hates customer service and he especially hates customer service with drunk customers. He's not happy about it though.

Obviously, Matt's worried about Tom because he just kind of up and leaves and shocker, the monster goes with. And he's like "what the fuck why do all my best friends keep leaving now I'm stuck here with just Edd :/ plus I kinda liked tom he was chill" so he starts investigating into it, yadda yadda more I'll talk about when I infodump about me in this au/hc thingy

Basically Tom's coming along in the whole monster thing, he's basically god and Tord's very into the idea of having some eldritch monster on his team and Tom's very into the idea of sitting around and getting paid to fuck around so it's all good. Eventually though he has to tell Tom hey! btdubs the whole plan is to like use you as a superweapon and take over the world, sooooo. And Tom's not a big fan! And he's not too happy about working with Tord (again)!

Tord eventually wins him over with "but it'll be fucking sick thomas. cmonnnnn thomas, it'll be cooooooool!!! ur like some rad monster dude it'll be fine, you won't get hurt anyway so who gives a shit" and Tom's kind of desperate to do something memorable with his life and Tord telling him he'll be his right hand man and that he'll basically gain a place in history for being some fucked up monster gets him. So woooooo plan for world domination is a-go

Lots of shit happens but most importantly, now with the war and shit going on Matt's more worried and Edd's mad about cola and Matt, desperate to find a way to find Tom and make sure he's okay, is like shit! I'll join whichever side if they'll take me. And I mean come on. One of the sides has a sick fucking monster, okay?

So blah blah Matt's here! Tord's unaware of it, Matt's unaware of Tord, it's whatever. Tord just kinda exists doing paperwork and meetings and laws and making plans, rarely showing up to the front lines only to keep Tom in line.

Yada yada war, eventually he finds out about Matt and Matt's a bit upset but he knows where Tom is and oh, if he stays he can make sure he's safe and that everything's going well, and he's pretty sure Edd hasn't really given a shit that he left at all so yahoo into the army! He does less fighting and more supplies and planning out less important things Tord doesn't care about. Yada yada, Edd starts a revolution as Tord is winning and it's kind of a hell zone. And as far as Tom and Matt are concerned, he's kind of a piece of shit so him being on the opposite side is whatever. Eventually though he's starting shit and stealing from their army, including a time machine, and god fucking dammit, Edd.

They fucking drag his ass back to modern times and tell him to calm the fuck down and join them, because literally who cares, Edd. And Edd's a prick about it but he shuts up because he doesn't REALLY have much else of a choice

Tord tries to rekindle his friendship with the three whilst also tackling his issues regarding how he views relationships as expendable, how he's afraid of being powerless and feeling like he could do anything slowly turning into him spiraling in fear of not being a good enough leader and being unable to properly account for all of the issues going on under his reign and things aren't going very well! He also has a difficult time letting things be handled without him involved because he's terrified that his own army will be corrupted with greed and he has to stop it at it's roots and- basically he grows more and more paranoid every day that horrible things will happen and everyone around him is actually all in on a secret plan to kill him and shit due to past trauma which I'm just gonna:

-constantly put down and feels like his only option in life is to do what his parents want for him regardless of how he feels about his own life, from big things like his future career to who he spends time with to how he cuts his hair. They're extremely overbearing at the best of times, if not downright obsessive over his every movement and thought process, making him believe he is powerless in his own life and that if he doesn't do everything perfectly the first time it will all fall apart around him

-speaking of which, because of his previous lack of power he sees other people less as human beings and more like pawns for him to control, making him also overbearing towards other people and constantly needing control over them so they do not gain any control over him, meaning he also tends to put less effort or meaning into his relationships with other people

-as his army gets bigger there are a few key betrayals, including big things like assassination attempts (all of which have been thwarted by Tom before Tord was ever actually harmed) to little things like Tom being out of his quarters past curfew to have movie night with Matt without his permission. These all seem to dog-pile on him as he's terrified of every tiny speck of disloyalty or hint that maybe they're not completely under his control

Whilst this is all going down they repeatedly prove themselves to be loyal to him; Tom's come to like him more as a friend and is basically his bodyguard, Matt continues to be as affectionate and constantly checks up on his physical well-being and tries his best to suggest different things to help with whatever issues, and Edd continues on being a spy and consistently relaying accurate information and killing those that get in the way of the army.

That's about as far as I'm at storywise :) I uh. I don't think anybody read this far but shrugs

#slaps this post #this bad boy can fit so much source memories and vague references towards my source memories #also saying Matt and not me/i was weirrrrrd???#long post #headcanon #ew headcanons #eddsworld headcanons #yall saw this in the discord server i fucking popped off

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loltaku-braindead · 3 years

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Cinderella girlboss is bad and I think they should make her ND instead of "independent"

Maybe it's my own personal bias as an ND person but I liked Cinderella as a kid because I found her to be naive and kind and weird like me and every adaptation tries to destroy this and the movies get worse. Also Hollywood doesn't have a clue how to adapt queerness on screen. Anyway, here are a few reasons why Cinderella should be adapted to be on the spectrum:

- the step family is always portrayed to be assholes in the most cartoonish way, bullying an orphan girl because she is prettier than them. The abuse would make so much more sense if they had a shop and she would make clients run away by stimming or she would show signs of ADHD by not following orders or literal thinking/bluntness. Like she could say stuff like "I like your big nose" to her sister not realizing people don't like big noses on women and the sister could "attack back". It's a much more realistic instance of bullying and abuse and people might actually question their biases. It's also a huge source of fun that autistic people can enjoy too if done well (e.g. think Onion's autistic reporter Michael Fawn)

- she might be cleaning the house because she desperately needs order and the family didn't bother to tell her she doesn't need to do that. They could even kind of regret it but rationalize it with her "being useful in some way"; another hit to the audience that never thought much about the insanity of autistic inspiration stories

- her talking to animals could be adapted to be "hyper-empathy" as many autistic women are like this and have encyclopedic knowledge on animals; she can sing with perfect pitch to them because she can tell the animals enjoy her voice while others don't see it. This would "girlboss" her in a more fun way than making her a streamstress that's somehow judged for trade (highly historically inaccurate). You can have a musical that feels cohesive with reality and it's not just another musical.

- the relationship with the prince would make sense, as ND people form relationships very fast with one another as we communicate differently. Have them talk about hyperfixations instead of falling for looks. This gives us the ability to make the prince interesting in a myriad of ways, you can have him refusing to go to war because it would be a sensory overload and you can have him mask very well to then drop the mask in private. Maybe the prince made all the princesses run away and they make an insider ball because it's the only possible way for them to have their son married. It would be funny and not offensive to have him completely oblivious to all the flirty social cues.

- Ella could refuse to come to the ball because she doesn't like parties or it doesn't fit her routine. Secretly she wants to go but she doesn't want to embarrass her sisters. Because they don't expect her to go they don't notice her being there or assume it's someone else. Even if they notice her, they will pretend they don't know her as in this version the step family is not evil but rather "desperately wants to be normal".

- a nonbinary fairy god-parent could be attracted to help Ella because she understands how it is to be misunderstood, you can have them meet Ella before and have Ella not question the lack of gender. This sounds better than the good old "oh you are good, they are bad, this is why I give you a night out". The costume choice would also be fun cause Ella could complain about the materials and fit, much better than whatever "yass queen" scene they made

- Ella leaves the ball because she experiences sensory overload. Goes home to feel safe. The prince gives a ridiculously clear description of her looks and voice and this is why they find her. When they meet he can test her with unusual questions or echolalia and the step family is okay with not marrying the weird prince

- in the Disney look it seems like Cinderella has "noise cancelling headphones", of course this could be something she made to hear better and the ball dress could be adapted to fit them

Of course, I'm not petitioning for an autistic disney princess, as I'm working with already existent material that's used horribly every year anyway. I really think Cinderella fits the bill for ND representations more than other Disney princesses (maaaybe also Snow White). The 2010's girlboss craze could be turn into it's head (as people are sick of it) to show complex characters on the skeleton of old stories by looking into mental health, aesthetics, neurodivergence, life philosophy and use of humor that's more than "random". Right now they are losing money by the minute making vaguely poc stars sing about their strong persona and are throwing themes of vulnerability, abuse, social inequality and life purpose found in the original stories right in the bin. They are trying so hard to be feminist they become sexist. Maybe explore themes outside of feminism in women and you'll wake up with better feminist representation when you don't stare so much on the "woman" part of the character and you let the rest shine on it's own

#autistic #actuallyautistic #neurodivergence #ND #Cinderella #fairy godmother #disney live action #cinderella 2021

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spine-buster · 3 years

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Patience is a Virtue ft. Matthew Tkachuk | 𝒫𝒶𝓉𝒾𝑒𝓃𝒸𝑒

gif credit @czarniks

CONTENT WARNING: this story deals with cults, polygamous cults, escaping cults, strict adherence to religion, gender roles, abuse, miscarriage, and a character with a traumatic past. Please be warned.

Word Count: 2,899

A/N: Was I really going to name the epilogue any thing else?

* * * * *

Effie had been quiet lately. When Matthew said ‘quiet’, what he really meant to say was not all there, and when he said ‘not all there’ what he really meant to say was that she was there, with him physically, but her mind was somewhere else. She had these bouts from time to time. Effie was always going to be a work in progress, and that meant sometimes she’d regress instead. He knew that when he signed up to be with her ten years ago now. He knew that when he raised the idea of buying and building a house together seven years ago, and she said no. He knew that when he raised the idea of buying and building a house together six years ago and she said no. He knew that when he raised the idea of buying and building a house together five years ago and she said no. He knew that when he raised the idea of buying and building a house together four years ago and she said no. He knew thar when he raised the idea of buying and building a house together three years ago and she said yes. He knew that when they moved in to said house two years ago. Some bouts were long, some were short, but he always noticed them.

This was another one.

She usually came around. Well, actually, she almost always came around. She’d ask something or propose an idea and Matthew would learn or realize why she was so withdrawn, why she was so quiet. Sometimes they were simple, and a short bout: “I want to change the menu at the bakery.” Sometimes they were vastly more complex, and a long bout: “I know Chantal’s okay with me not having kids, but what about Keith?” She’d get stuck in her head a lot. And with someone with so much to learn, as someone who was quite literally going through life learning by doing, it was almost a guarantee this would happen, considering what she came from.

But Matthew was there. Always.

As he spooned her in bed, he could feel how distant she was. He could practically feel her mind racing and refusing to slow down despite it being late at night. Matthew placed a small kiss on her shoulder. “D’you want to talk about it?” he offered.

Effie turned around so she was now facing him. He could see the worried look in her eyes and started to worry himself. She took a deep breath. “Would you want to marry me?”

Matthew licked his lips, and without hesitation, he nodded his head. “Yes.”

Effie looked away, almost ashamed. “I had it in my head that you wouldn’t want to because I’ve been married before,” she whispered.

A regress. Inevitable. Effie’s mind was a complex ocean. “You were never married,” he said firmly. “But if you want to get married, I’d love to marry you. We could do it however you wanted.”

“What about our marriage?”

“What do you mean?”

“We’d get married, but what would our marriage be like?”

Bad memories, obviously. The last time she was a “wife” it wasn’t a marriage at all. It was practically a hostage situation. An abusive relationship. “Do you like our relationship how it is now?” Matthew asked.

Effie nodded her head. “I want it to stay like this,” she said.

“Then that’s what our marriage will be like, too,” Matthew assured her.

***

“I don’t know what type of ring I like,” Effie mumbled on the phone to Geneviève as she picked at her lunch, a poppyseed bagel she’d made with a generous spread of lox and cream cheese. Geneviève was in Sweden, like she was every summer, with Jacob and her twins. Though they’d be back in a few weeks for the season, Effie couldn’t hold off talking to her. She never really could.

“Why would that matter?” Geneviève asked.

“Matthew and I talked about getting married.”

There was silence on the other end of the call before Effie heard the dial tone. She thought the call dropped – it did that sometimes, especially when Geneviève was in Sweden – but then her phone was vibrating all over again, and it was a FaceTime request instead of a simple phone call. Effie couldn’t help but smile as she accepted the call.

“You and Matthew WHAT?!” Geneviève shrieked, holding the phone too close to her face.

“Um…yeah,” Effie nodded. “We talked about it a few nights ago in bed. I asked him if he would want to marry me and he said yes.”

“Effie, Matthew’s probably wanted to marry you since he told you how to pronounce tomahawk. What made you think he didn’t?” Geneviève asked.

Effie shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know…” she said. “I just—last time I was married, it wasn’t a good marriage.”

“You were never married,” Geneviève deadpanned. It was good to know she thought the same thing as Matthew. “But besides that—has Matthew been anything like him in these past ten years?”

Effie shook her head. “No way.”

“Then what makes you think he will when you’re married?”

Effie knew Geneviève was trying to make a point – and a good one – but Effie was, for some reason, still apprehensive. “He comes home soon,” she said. “I’m going to talk to him more about it.”

Geneviève nodded in understanding. “Just remember that you deserve happiness, however that comes to you,” she reminded Effie. “And remember, Effie – you can choose happiness, too. You can choose to overcome a fear and make yourself happy.”

***

Effie searched all about engagement rings until she heard the garage door open and Matthew step into the house. He’d been at the gym, and his own lox and cream cheese bagel was waiting for him in the fridge. “Hey,” he called out from the laundry room.

“Hi.”

“Whatcha up to?”

“Uh, looking at engagement rings.”

He was silent. Silent until he rounded the corner and Effie saw him emerge from the hallway that led to the laundry room, his gym bag slung over his shoulder. “Engagement rings, huh?”

“Mhm,” she nodded, adjusting herself in the bar stool. “There’s so many different styles.”

Matthew looked at her skeptically, dropping his gym bag before walking over to her. “There are…” he began. “But you should look at a style or styles you like, and then we can bring it to a jeweler.”

“A jeweler?”

“I’m not gonna get you just any ring, baby. It’s gonna be custom made,” he said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Effie’s research told her that custom made rings were the most expensive types of rings. While there were so many pretty styles online, custom was definitely something to aspire to for many people, even thought it was out of reach. “You’d get me a custom ring?”

Matthew looked at her. Without saying a word, he leaned back into the barstool beside her but grabbed hers and scooted it closer to him. “Will you please talk to me?” he asked softly, but needily. “You know I’d get you a custom ring. You know I’m gonna let you get any dress you want and have whatever kind of wedding you want. You brought up marriage but the questions you’ve been asking me…Effie, it’s as if you think I don’t love you.”

“That’s not—no,” she shook her head, stuttering out her words. “I’m sorry, Matthew. I don’t mean it to be like that. I know you love me.”

“Then what’s with the questions?”

Effie took a deep breath, avoiding eye contact with Matthew until she knew she had to talk. “This is what it was like last time.”

Matthew’s heart dropped into the pit of his stomach. “What do you mean?”

“Abraham was nice before he abused me. He promised me so many things. And I know you’re not him—you’re nothing like him—and I’ve—I’ve told you that for ten years but—”

“—Effie, if this is too much for you, we don’t have to get married.”

Effie began shaking her head. And when she began shaking her head, tears started to well up in her eyes, and as they welled up, they fell down her cheeks. She tried wiping them away but Matthew beat her to it; she was so ashamed she couldn’t even look at him. “But everybody gets married. Look at Brady. And Taryn, even.”

“Effie…we’re already in a committed relationship that’s like a marriage anyway. I’m devoted to you, and you’re devoted to me…we—we live together, we act like we’re married anyway. If you don’t want to change that then you don’t have to.”

“Yes I do,” she stressed.

“Why?”

“I do because I want to do something for you. You’ve been doing things for me for ten years and I know you want this. I know you want to get married. So I want to give that to you because you’ve given me so much.”

“You giving me yourself is enough. You know that. You’re enough,” he said.

“I know,” she nodded. “But marriage is a celebration of love. It’s a celebration of love. And I want to celebrate our love. I just have to get it through my thick skull that marriage isn’t a punishment, it’s a celebration.”

Matthew nodded his head, giving her a quick kiss on the nose. “Want me to call Dr. Barlow? We can work on this together.”

Effie nodded.

***

Half a year later, Effie couldn’t stop staring at the rock on her finger. It glimmered in even the shittiest light. She was sure Matthew had something put in it to make it shine so much, but he kept denying it. Geneviève loved it. So did Jenna. So did Annica.

“But do you?” Matthew asked her.

She nodded. The second he slipped it on to her finger, everything became real. Everything. She’d never had an engagement ring before. She never had a testament to her partner’s love for her. And here it was now, on her finger, ready for her to wear for the rest of her life. Matthew gave it to her. Her Matthew. Nobody else but her Matthew.

***

“Oooooooh, Effie,” Chantal’s eyes lit up as Effie walked out of the fitting room of the small bridal boutique in St. Louis they went to on a whim. Taryn’s jaw dropped in quick succession as Effie walked out and stood on the platform in front of them, a three-panel mirror showing her every angle of the dress. She watched Chantal through the mirror. “Oh Effie, this is stunning.”

“Do you think Matthew will like it?” she asked.

“Matthew’s gonna bawl,” Taryn interjected, causing everyone to laugh. “I’m about to bawl!”

Effie looked at herself in the mirror, patting down the fronts of the dress, even though it fit her like a glove. Despite trying on some dresses already while out with Jenna and Geneviève, she didn’t get the same butterflies in her stomach as she did seeing herself in this dress, now, even though this wasn’t planned. It was the first one Effie chose for their consultant to pull but the last one of the three she tried on, and it was the most beautiful. She loved everything about it: the eyelet organza, the corset bodice with exposed boning, the A-line skirt with pockets.

The ivory.

The consultant puffed out the skirt for her, letting it fall behind her dramatically. Effie was quiet as she watched Taryn eye the consultant and say “We need a veil” before the consultant left them alone. Chantal was covering her mouth at the point, admiring the dress but also as a mechanism to stop herself from crying, probably. Effie pat down the front of the dress again, her heart beating in her chest. “Chantal?” her voice was small.

“Yes sweetie?”

“I can wear white, right?”

Chantal nodded automatically. So did Taryn. “Of course you can. You were never married,” Chantal said.

“Even if you had been,” Taryn piped in, “it’s your wedding. You can wear whatever you want.”

***

Matthew held Effie’s hand as they sat on a couch in Dr. Barlow’s office together, talking through Effie’s trepidations of marriage and expectations as a wife. Effie knew that the only reason why she was having trouble with all of this was because of her past experiences; when she thought about it, deep down, she wanted nothing more than to marry Matthew. But her mind was a funny thing – it always was – and that’s why they were here. Matthew had been patient in waiting for her to agree to buy a house and move in together; he’d been even more patient in not asking her to get married but letting her make the decision herself. Now it just all came down to this – the working through the nitty gritty things, the things that still plagued her mind – so she could go into the marriage in the healthiest way possible, just like their relationship was. And she was going to see it that way. It helped her immensely to see it that way. This is just an extension of our relationship. This is a celebration of our love.

“Have you given thought to any popular wedding or marriage traditions that the two of you would want to follow or not follow?” Dr. Barlow asked.

“Like what?” Matthew asked.

“Effie, will you be taking Matthew’s last name?”

Effie looked at Matthew before squeezing his hand quickly and nodding. “Yes,” she said confidently. “I’ll become Effie Tkachuk. I met this woman through hockey – her husband plays for the Toronto Maple Leafs – her name is Bee Rielly. She took her husband’s last name and she said the reason why she took it was because she had no connection to her maiden name, McTavish, because she had no real family and her mom was an alcoholic and it only really reminded her of that. Considering her background, she wanted it gone, and I feel the same way.”

Matthew squeezed her hand back. Dr. Barlow smiled and nodded her head. “It’s great that you’ve met someone like that, that can help you see these kinds of things in that perspective,” she said. “Are you having a church wedding?”

“No,” Matthew took this one. Even though he and his siblings went to Catholic schools, religion wasn’t a huge part of their lives. “Just an officiant. We actually already have her booked.”

Dr. Barlow nodded again. “Effie, how do you feel about the tradition of someone walking you down the aisle? Levi? Matthew’s dad, perhaps?”

Effie shook her head vehemently. “I love them, but no,” she said. “No way. I’m entering into a marriage freely and I’m making the decision. Nobody is giving me away.”

Matthew smiled. “And that’s that on that.”

***

The more that Effie planned, the more she got to experience what normal wedding planning was like. It was stressful, sure, but it wasn’t your-mom-telling-you-that-you-were-going-to-marry-a-55-year-old-when-you-were-fourteen-years-old type of stressful. It wasn’t an I-don’t-know-anything-about-being-a-wife-I’m-only-fourteen-years-old type of fearful. It actually wasn’t fearful at all. The more decisions she made about how she was going to marry Matthew, the more excited she became. Decisions about flowers, about table coverings, about décor, about music, about food. Her favourite was taste-testing cakes samples with Matthew. Every time they tasted something Matthew would always say, “It’s not as good as your cakes” to her.

Every. Single. Time.

***

Between family, friends, and teammates, there were about 130 people at the wedding. Effie wore her dress, tailored to perfection, and the veil – long and regal and cathedral length, because the only day it was socially acceptable to wear a veil that long was on your wedding day, and Effie was going to take full advantage of it. They did a first look and Matthew cried. He cried again when she walked down the aisle by herself.

When Effie stood holding hands with Matthew, reciting vows to each other, she thought about the past ten years. She thought about the person she was when she met him at Noah’s birthday party. She thought about their Starbucks meetings and him teaching her about corn dogs and candy and frappucinos. She thought about how different she was from then till now, and that though the past still affected her, and crept up on her from time to time, she had been strong back then, and was even stronger now, and that made her proud of herself in a way nobody else could understand. Not even Matthew. That she stood here with him, marrying him, making the choice to marry him, spoke volumes of her progression. It spoke volumes of the person she had been, the person she was now, and the person she was becoming. She was always a work in progress.

Matthew was there for it all. There to help her, there to guide her through it. There to help her achieve her dreams and expose to things she never thought possible. Lake Louise. Moraine Lake. The Bahamas. Europe. St. Louis. Confidence. Trust. Love.

“I love you,” he whispered to her when their vows were done, rubbing his thumb over the backs of her hands.

“I love you too,” she whispered back. Freely. Meaningfully. Deeply.

“I now pronounce you husband and wife!” the officiant beamed.

For the first time in her life, Effie was married.

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goosemixtapes · 3 years

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ok i’ve elected to just Make The Damn Post My Damn Self because i need something to link back to when i inevitably get into arguments about this because i have run-my-mouth disorder. so. slightly-more-generally-applicable companion piece to this post:

“but how can lesbians use he/him pronouns???!?1???”

1: pronouns =/= gender.

one of the arguments i see a lot with this topic is “pronouns = gender, & saying otherwise is transphobic.” i GET this, because pronouns are important & often correlate with gender, but saying pronouns = gender is oversimplified. pronouns are a method of gender presentation - same as clothing, name, & so on & so forth. society genders all of these things, but names & clothing do not prescribe gender. a man, cis or trans, who decides to wear a dress does not become a woman because of the dress; a woman, cis or trans, with a traditionally “masculine” name (ex. bailey, taylor, cameron), does not become a man because of the name. closeted trans people, if they must use names and wear clothing correlated with their agab, are still trans & are still the gender they are.

yes, most binary-gendered people choose clothing & names that “match” their gender, but some might not! think of butch lesbians -- they are women, just deliberately gendernonconforming women. pronouns are the same way -- the majority of men use “masculine” pronouns, & the majority of women use “feminine” pronouns, but this is because pronouns are a form of gender expression/presentation.

“pronouns =/= gender” does not equate to “i can misgender whoever i want.” pronouns should always be respected.

2: nonbinary people can use whatever pronouns they want.

this follows from #1. yeah, i’d say the majority of nonbinary people use they/them pronouns. but not all nonbinary people dress totally androgynously; some present more feminine or more masculine. the same is true for pronouns. nonbinary people may use she/her or he/him pronouns as part of their presentation - think of jonathan van ness (uses primarily he/him) or rebecca sugar (uses she/her along with they/them). this isn’t even getting into neopronouns; that’s a whole different post. the point is that restricting nonbinary people to they/them pronouns really misses the point of identifying as nonbinary: it’s not a third slot in the gender binary; it’s the general state of existing outside or partially outside of it.

(note: cis people can also use whatever pronouns they want. some cis lesbians use he/him; i’ll get to he/him lesbians a few slots down, but i just want to make it clear that sometimes cis people also use pronouns to express gender nonconformity & that’s their business & the same idea!)

3: lesbians can be nonbinary.

nonbinary =/= totally genderless. sometimes, for some people, it does mean that! but not for everyone. see #2 again, on trying to make nonbinary a strictly defined third gender.

(note: this doesn’t only apply to lesbians. this honestly applies to anyone. i’m just talking about lesbians because that’s My Lane.)

lesbians in particular often have complex relationships with gender, & have for literal decades. as womanhood is to a large degree constructed in contrast to & in relation to manhood, lesbian gender has kind of taken on its own thing since we just... are never in relationships with men, ever, which muddles the whole thing up. (also, womanhood is often a generally uncomfortable and muddled thing because of, you know, misogyny, so there’s that.) thus, a lot of lesbians feel disconnected from “womanhood” as an idea.

a lot of people like to protest nonbinary lesbians by saying “but a lesbian is a GIRL who likes GIRLS!!!1!!” yes. we... we know. the thing is, though, that if any nonbinary person identifies as a lesbian, they are probably close enough to womanhood to count as a wlw! the term “lesbian” automatically brings “women who love women” to people’s minds. if a nonbinary person is uncomfortable associating with womanhood at all, literally why would they use that term. it stands to reason that the people who DO use that term feel at least a tangential connection there.

a lot of lesbians define their gender solely as “lesbian.” in my own experience, the ONLY connection i feel toward womanhood is liking girls in a gay way. the attraction i feel toward women is gay attraction - i am attracted to women who like women. i do not want to date a straight woman who sees me as a man. if i didn’t like women, i wouldn’t have this connection & would probably identify otherwise - but i do like women & as it is that’s pretty much... what my gender is. (this is why people may say their gender is “butch” or “femme” -- it’s the same idea of a gender defined by attraction & the way you relate to women!)

for some people, nonbinary does mean totally genderless. for others, it just means anything that isn’t strictly binary. hence why some lesbians may consider themselves nonbinary - not entirely woman, but woman enough to be a lesbian. an example in layman’s terms: you know how “berry” lacroix tastes like it maybe saw a berry, once, from a distance? my gender is lacroix and the flavor is woman.

4: lesbians can thus use whatever pronouns they want.

i think this one is like... a geometry proof. #2 (nonbinary people can use any pronouns) + #3 (lesbians can be nonbinary) makes this one pretty simple. while the rest of this post will be about he/him lesbians, because that’s what i see the most “discourse” about, lesbians can use she/her or they/them or he/him or it/its or xe/xem or Any Other Pronouns They Want. Any.

5: “but why would a lesbian ever want to use he/him pronouns?”

people who ask this are usually asking one of these more specific questions:

“but if you use he/him, aren’t you a man?” see #1.

“but why would lesbians want to use masculine pronouns when lesbianism is about women?” i don’t know. why do butch lesbians dress masculinely? why do they often use masculine names or nicknames? it’s about the deliberate gender nonconformity, something that has been central to lesbian communities for literal decades. pronouns are another form of presentation (see #1); using pronouns other than she/her is another form of nonconformity.

“masculine clothing and names i get -- but why pronouns? that feels a little much.” i do get this! i used to feel the same way! but the criteria for being a lesbian is like... 1) not a man 2) a woman or at least sort of connected to being a woman (see #3) (yes, this includes trans lesbians, who are not men) 3) attracted to women and not men. that’s the criteria. that’s all.

& i would like to think that some of you have the best intentions. but i would really, really caution you away from trying to disqualify people from iding as lesbians because of the pronouns they use. saying “well, clearly lesbians can wear masculine clothes and have masculine names, but the pronouns are a step too far” doesn’t make any sense -- where do you draw the line? at what point are you trying to define when someone is “too masculine to be a lesbian?” and why do you feel the need to do that?

this goes double for nonlesbians. i’ll repeat: really, honestly ask yourself why you feel the need to do that.

(note: butch lesbians aren’t the only lesbians who are gender nonconforming and they aren’t the only ones who use he/him pronouns! but i’ve found this is very common among butches, more so than other lesbians, + it’s another space where i can speak from personal experience.)

6: “wait but this feels kind of TERFy. are you saying trans men can be lesbians?”

oh no. oh god no. lesbians = not men. trans men = men. (& trans women = trans women, & TERFS can choke.)

i think there is a misconception among some trans men (especially transmedicalists) that he/him lesbians are trying to tell trans men they aren’t “real men” & thus undermining their identities. the idea is that we’re saying, “hey, look, lesbians can use whatever pronouns we want! thus, you don’t need to transition :) you can use he pronouns and still be a gay woman :)” to which the obvious response is “i’m not a woman and this is transphobic.”

but i... honestly truly have never seen a he/him lesbian say that. we aren’t the same! even if we use the same pronouns, even if we may take some of the same steps to feel gender euphoria (ex. wearing more masculine clothing, binding/going on T for afab lesbians), we are not the same! trans men = men. men cannot be lesbians. he/him lesbians = people who are not men, but have a complicated relationship to womanhood. thus:

he/him lesbians =/= trans men.

there is no correlation.

(note: i lied. there is one correlation. the correlation is friends and allies. trans men i’m on your team and i hope you’re having a good day. my right to exist is not mutually exclusive with yours; we’re fighting similar battles.)

7. “okay, i guess, but i still don’t really get it?”

that’s okay!! gender is confusing as shit (plus this was a long & slightly repetitive post, because i wanted to make sure i covered all my bases). here are some things you can do if you still don’t understand:

a) talk to more he/him lesbians! maybe my explanation doesn’t really do it for you, but someone else’s will! (if you’re interested in lesbian history, i can recommend stone butch blues, which can be downloaded as a PDF from leslie feinberg’s website. the main character’s relationship to gender isn’t quite the same as the one explained in this post -- jess has to use he/him & pass as male to stay safe -- but it’s still a good read that gets into the complexity of lesbian gender. the lesbian mc participates in butch/femme culture, gets top surgery, & later has a relationship with a trans woman -- so, basically, corroborating what i’ve said about how lesbians can do all of these things & still be lesbians.)

b) if you don’t have the time/energy/desire to talk to more he/him lesbians, that’s fine! just respect us. respect our pronouns. don’t misgender us; don’t call us men or say we aren’t lesbians. you don’t have to get it to accept us.

c) here’s a secret. if you still don’t understand, but you are no longer seeking help understanding & you’ve decided to just vibe and respect us without totally Getting It - that is totally fine. you don’t need to tell us this :) saying “hey, i don’t really get it, could you help?” is one thing. saying “hey, i still don’t get it. not asking for help, just letting you know” is uh. is like. um. okay thanks for informing me?? i guess ??

i understand that not everyone will Get It. but if you’re using my pronouns & respecting my identity, i do not need to hear that you don’t actually get it because my gender is super complicated. it is a little, er, how you say, impolite. (again - not the same as asking for help! i’m totally open to answer any questions anyone has.)

_______________________________________________________________________

source: i am a he/him lesbian.

you are allowed & politely encouraged to reblog this post.

if anyone would like to add to this post -- particularly other lesbians and/or trans women (as i’m tme and don’t want to overstep) -- feel free!

if anyone would like to ask me to elaborate on something, feel free to ask in the reblogs, replies, or in my inbox/dms!

if anyone would like to clown on this post and say some lesbophobic or transphobic bullshit without reading what i wrote, please block me, log off, & go trip over something <3

#max.txt #long post #WOOF. long post. im so sorry i have a lot to say #he/him lesbians

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grison-in-space · 3 years

Text

I have been spending much of the past few weeks drowning in ancient Sentinel fic. (It's a real trip when you read a contemporarily-set-as-written story that flashes twenty years into the future, note the year, and then note that said far flung future year is 2019.)

Anyway, one of the the things that keeps standing out to me as I read is just how much Jim's canonical superpower is basically just neurodivergence, and just how much of this body of slash (and the odd smarm) fic is also about coming to terms with the disabling aspects of neurodivergence. But--and this is the thing that fascinates me about it--both dialogues are absolutely and completely out of sync with contemporary dialogue about what we currently call autism and ADHD.

Hear me out! The big things Jim is struggling with are hypersensitivity, overload, and executive function--that is, he frequently snags on sensory inputs with which he can't disengage. He's got to be careful about what he consumes or interacts with because he has outsize reactions to certain stimuli, often in unpredictable (to him) ways.

Y'all, I literally refer to that experience--that is, getting stuck on a sensation or activity with which I can't disengage without external input, say like my partner nudging me to check in, as zoning out. Have done for years. (Also, to be fair, as "freezing up" or "getting stuck", and there's an emotional component to all that which is basically just PTSD, but you can also effectively argue that Jim displays both the simple PTSD you expect out of an Army vet and also the complex PTSD you expect out of a baby neurodivergent kid trying to fit into an unyielding world etc etc; what do you think Jimmy's childhood trauma and daddy issues about approval actually come down to?)

Now I say this is all totally disconnected from contemporary dialogue about ADHD and autism because, bluntly, both at the time and even to a lesser extent today, these are both highly gendered categories, and Jim ain't the right gender. Yeah, he's male, but you gotta understand that there's a whole bunch of gender categories under "male" and "female," all of which are inflected by things like race and class and culture and subculture, this isn't a binary thing--if it helps to think instead "Jim isn't the right kind of guy to be the kind of guy we talk about with respect to autism especially," it's the same concept. Diagnoses and labels are socially constructed categories; we define who fits in those boxes based on mental pictures of what kinds of people fit the image, and at the time these labels were really, really inflected by focus on a specific kind of guy. (Well, the larval form of that guy, since largely we were talking about children and still are, without contemplating that out of the hideous chrysalis of adolescence shambles an entirely different sort of beast--fuck, it is real obvious this morning I have had neither meds nor breakfast as I write. A n y w a y.)

My point is that Jim is a) too athletic, b) too military, c) too quiet, and d) too concerned with masking and camouflaging himself and not revealing that he's not like everyone else to fit most of our modern schemas of these labels and all of our contemporary ones. And, if you look at those last two notes, Jim actually displays a developmental response to neurodivergence and finding out that you are not the kind of kid that everyone around you is expecting that we associate with neurodivergent girls: try not to need help, do not on any account let it be known that you are Different except for that weird Village People phase of his right after the military and be quiet if you're struggling. (In a weird way, gender nonconforming behavior is part of the diagnostic metapicture for especially autistic people: boys who aren't into sports enough, girls who aren't good enough at makeup, and so forth. So one of the common things you see in people who are trying to mask neurodivergence is a hyperconformity to whatever gender presentation is considered most culturally acceptable--and, er, also a very common thing you see in closeted queer and trans people, there is a reason a lot of these things co-occur....)

Ooh, hey, you know what kind of person fandom is chock full of? Queer, neurodivergent women. You know what kind of people were writing a lot of Sentinel fic--? Keep that in mind.

Actually you know who is the right gender--the right kind of guy--to have run into autistic people and ADHD people and delights such as myself that meld both experiences into a single cobblework brain? Blair. Blair is exactly the kind of kid who would have gotten diagnosed, if he was about ten years younger and Naomi sat still long enough. Blair, the bookish child genius who went to university at sixteen and then apparently stayed there accruing degrees bizarrely slowly until we meet him ten years later as what appears to be a fairly new PhD student, or at least one who hasn't gotten very far. Do you have any idea how dense on the ground neurodivergent people are in academia? I mean, mostly they're not identified as such, you wouldn't believe how awkward people get when I casually disclose that Yes, I Have The Labels, but you do eventually recognize patterns in the sorts of people you interact with every day by the time you've been knocking around them for ten years.

A while back I was talking on this blog about how coded portrayals of characters are often just depictions based on types of people that authors have observed without necessarily conceptualizing or recognizing them as part of the group they're coded as belonging to. And I really do think that this is a massive factor in both how Jim is portrayed in canon but also in how Jim is depicted in fandom. Which is what makes the dialogue of these stories so interesting to me, because we think about the same groups of people and the same experiences differently depending on the frameworks we apply to them. So here I see this whole fascinating dialogue in fandom that is approaching the experiences of the same sorts of people as we see labeled one way, but constructing their own frameworks to understand, often with reference to but largely (fortunately) avoiding the framework of canon, which is kind of cartoonishly racist in a very 1990s way.

(Look, the downside of intersectionality is that sometimes you interrogate an interesting thread that is doing something novel and fascinating on Axis 1 and something incredibly boring and frustratingly harmful on Axis 2 and being deliberate and thoughtful about neither of them.)

I have more, but I've been chattering all morning while I walk the dogs and feed the cats and at some point I have to start packing, but look:

I just read a fascinating two-part set of short stories on the potential transcendent joy of hyperfixation and zoning and the ethics of trying to intervene in someone else's tendency to zone in the interest of not, ah, accidentally zoning at a bad moment and dying or being unable to accomplish one's basic goals. A set of pieces that is thinking fairly explicitly about themes of practicality and choice and how one might choose to moderate and control one's mind to balance ecstacy and independence, ending on a note of choosing to indulge in hyperfixation and zoning occasionally, at times of one's own choosing.

Written in goddamn 2002.

What a world we live in! What a lens with which to interrogate a body of text!

#the Sentinel #fandom #meta #neurodivergence #history #gris original #sentinel #actually autistic

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cinnamonest · 3 years

Note

THAT FIC WITH RAZOR MISTAKING DARLING FOR A BOY WAS SO GOOD 😭😭 PLEASE MAKE me MORE TOMBOY FICS. It’s super hard to find tomboy fics that are actually good I really like it when reader/darling is strong and can fight back

Ok heads up: from now on I'm gonna put anything involving crossdressing or cross-gender stuff under the forced fem tag (#tw: ff) in addition to the misogyny tag bc I know that can be a sensitive topic for some people and I don't wanna accidentally trigger anyone (・m・ )

I love tomboy darling so much tbh and I know it's very controversial (which is why I tag it) but... I am also a fan of intentionally deceptive crossdressing. Like darling intentionally trying to make people think she's a boy (or the other way around, that's nice too). But just normal tomboyishness is good too tbh. I like hyper-feminine fem darling too, both are very interesting dynamics.

I'll probably get more in detail about individual boys eventually (esp bc I really like this concept with a Zhongli/Childe/Diluc type so I'll make posts for them eventually) BUT a general summary:

I feel like the worst for tomboy/crossdress darling is probably Diluc or Zhongli or Xingqiu bc they're gonna have to Change That(tm). Help you fill the waifu fantasy in their head. Especially Xingqiu/Diluc like... You know you have to fit the rich people trophy wife norms so they can show you off! How can they show you off to their rich visitors and not feel emasculated if you're not hyper submissive?? You might not like it now, maybe fight it even, but eventually you'll see they were right all along and you're a lot happier molded into a waif :) also bc if darling is strong and can protect herself it threatens their poor fragile masculinity which is hilarious tbh. Nooooo you can't protect yourself and kill those monsters that's his job :( You can't have a job that pays a lot how is he supposed to fill his savior complex and impress you with buying you nice things?? How are you gonna respect him as an authority when you have a position of power?? Hence it significantly speeds up how quickly you get... Removed from you original environment.

Also Childe and Kaeya and Scara would be pretty terrible too. Very mocking about it, always pinning you down to remind you how much stronger they are bc you seem to always forget and try to fight. Call you princess and the like just to see you squirm. Force you to say degrading things about yourself. The strength is... Irritating to them. You actually land a few blows and can struggle out of their grasp and that pisses them off and just makes them rougher. But tbh they like it because they like the fire/fight darling has, they enjoy the brat taming process. They also have the "no you can't protect/provide for yourself only I can" complex though.

The best... Probably Bennett or Chongyun or Razor, but Razor's got pros and cons tbh.

The former two, it doesn't really matter, if anything you can go on more adventures with them :) and other guys won't know and will stay away from you, which is great. It relieves a lot of his fears. And if you're a more dominant personality, well, that's fine too, they're pleasers and will do anything you want! I could actually see both of them really being into tomboys actually. They're both nervous boys and feeling like they can relate a bit more helps ease their nerves, whereas they're a lot more stuttery/blushy around a highly femme darling.

Razor... Granted the major con is he still gets irritated if you're not very obedient and has the breeding thing going on, but if you want to dress or carry yourself a certain way, he couldn't care less. He doesn't really get any of that anyway. Him with a highly feminine darling is its own pretty funny dynamic (which I will discuss eventually lol) but with a tomboy it's also kinda funny bc he just *shrug* doesn't care, it's kinda the same idea as a male darling like... Literally no matter what your sex, gender presentation, identity, whatever, literally nothing about that is gonna stop him from breeding you on the forest floor every few hours. Boy does not care.

Notably he is very intrigued by female darling in general bc he does not understand what any of these parts are or how they work and needs to... Explore. Bennett and Chongyun are a bit similar, even, they're the kind of virgins that don't even really know what pussy looks like and get hard at the slightest hint of tiddy or thigh, you know the type.

Venti is similar to Razor, actually. He could not care less about presentation and nothing about your identity or way of dress or demeanor changes anything for him, he has no preference. Some yans are "idealizers," where they have a very specific image of what darling *should* be and forcibly mold them to it, whereas some are "flexible" taste-changers - basically, their own tastes will lean towards or can even be completely transformed based on what their darling is like. He falls into the latter category. He's also very good at laughing off defiance, but he can be pushed to a snapping point more easily than Chongyun/Bennett. And he will fall a bit into the "nooooo you can't protect yourself that's my job" similar to the other boys.

#tw: ff #lena's asks #scheduled post #tw: misogyny

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kronkk · 2 years

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BRUH OK so gender rant incoming I'm so sorry

so my beloved eldest son bucky barnes is also much beloved by fandom, as he should be. baby boy. baby. (only fictional men can achieve this status bc real scrotes are too busy being violent shitstains leeching off of every woman around them to even consider it). because my son had the audacity to grow out his hair, they LOVE to accuse him of having a gender. (my poor baby). they love to crack jokes. "Oh are you a boy or a girl" "I'm a weapon" BUT THE THING IS

In a serious fic, Bucky's post-TWS refusal to acknowledge his own humanity is like. A Huge Deal. Sometimes the narrative will show that he thinks of himself as a thing, as an object, usually by using it/its and calling him the Soldier or the Asset etc to indicate this. this is pretty much universally understood to be a symptom of the MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF GODAWFUL TORTURE he went through as the longest-held POW (looking at you, TONY. turn in your """""genius""""" card if you can't recognize the Scary Torture Chair in that siberian base for what it is) and if he voiced any of those negative self-paradigms/referred to himself as an "it," it would be understood as 1) unhealthy, 2) instilled/ingrained into him by a powerful (and often insidious in the way it works) outside influence, and 3) a problem that needs to be addressed in therapy to help him understand why he feels that way and to reconcile him with his own personhood/humanity.

now WHY, I ask you, can these intelligent women who sympathize (and sometimes relate to) so strongly with Bucky's struggles fail to recognize that they, too, have been alienated from their own humanity as female, most obviously when they demand it/its pronouns but more insidiously apparent in they/them and he/him and all the variations in the rainbow of stupid? They don't even stop to ask themselves WHY they're so uncomfortable with being (correctly) perceived as female or what's so wrong/evil/bad/uncomfy about being female, beyond...very very surface level "I don't like dresses or street harassment" type shit. I know they were raised in this and it's all they know etc etc but these are women. they're intelligent. it's not like they're too testosterone-addled to have a single sapient thought in their heads. Why can't they recognize that in themselves?

this is long and rambly and mostly rhetorical questions but you're the only person who understands me and cares about my son bucky so sorry you had to Receive This. I love you

It's like when they understand complex systems of oppression only in the context of a/b/o or some shit I swear at this point we should just start communicating with them through things like that. Like "see, you're feeling something similar to this character you project onto, do you understand how this applies to you"

We gotta use the only language they understand,,,, fandom

Like I'm honestly only 3/4 joking.

Also I sent a screenshot to this ask to @cool-sepulchre because we've almost had this convo word for word and before this she said you literally went into our brains and pulled this out and I couldn't agree more. Anyways, heres her response I really like how she worded it

"Also there truly is something insidious about making bucky go through so much trauma and then having him question his gender identify and have that somehow be a healthy thing. Which is like, the equal and opposite shit that happens in place of when he refers to himself as a thing or the asset or It or something non human."

And like, I get that a lot of these girls and women project onto him because of all the trauma and want to see this character they love and project onto reflect their own experiences back on them or whatever, but TRULY how can they not see its an unhealthy thing???? Like it's not normal to consider yourself an object or not think you're a girl/woman because you're a human being too???

Also I am LIVING for the bit of Tony-critical content I live for it ily2 anon can we be friends

#ask #anon #marvel posting

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tundrainafrica · 3 years

Note

[Part 1] Hi Sav! What are ur thoughts on Kamiya's (Levi's VA) words regarding Levi? Here are two translations I found on twitter. Since you know Japanese I think you're the perfect person to ask this from ^^ " Today at Anime Japan Kamiya Hiroshi said, “Levi hasn’t changed. The loss of Erwin is so huge that afterwards his life in a sense is like ‘yosei’.” Yosei (余生) means like, the rest of one’s life (after raising kids or retiring) where you have nothing left to do"++

Disclaimer: Please I have no intention of starting a ship war with this, I just wanna drop my own interpretation for my own Levihan stanning heart.

Note: I had no plans of watching the Japanese Seiyu panel for the last episode of Attack on Titan for many reasons and 90% of it is because Romi Paku didn’t show up and I’m still salty overall about how AOT and the narrative is treating Hange altogether and literally the only comfort I get about Hange this whole AOT season is that she looks great in all her scenes but anyway, enough about the rant. I’m still low key salty about not getting our Levihan reunion yet… But whatever.

I got all of these asks in succession and soon after I did some research on twitter to see what all the fuss was about and apparently, a lot of Eruri fans are likening Levi to a widow--- A WIDOW of all things.

And I dunno, I feel like this conclusion for one kinda cheapens Levi’s character altogether and just cheapens the bond of Levihan so I kinda realized I just cannot stand and watch some obviously Eruri-biased Japanese translations of that statement run rampant on twitter without my own take.

So anyway, I’m gonna drop my own take on this, my own interpretation as a Levihan stan.

Disclaimer: I am in no way trying to push any Levihan agenda on anyone. If you like Eruri and you wanna stick to your widow interpretation feel free too. I just feel like a pro Levihan take, and a more ‘non Eruri’ take on that statement should exist as well so I’ll just drop this here for Levihan fans to seek comfort and possibly for any casual reader or Eruri fan to get some other perspectives on this statement I guess?

This is the original Text

声の方「団長、エルヴィンを失ったことはとても大きかったと思うんですよ」

「だからそこから先ってある意味余生みたいな感じになってる気がする」

Isym先生「エルヴィンの最期を看取って役割を全うし、現在宙ぶらりんな状態」

リヴァイ本人「…俺達の役目は」「あそこで終わりだったのかもしれない…」

And if I were going to translate it word for word.

“For Levi, losing Erwin was a big thing. And everything after that became some sort of ‘retirement’ (Yosei) for him. Since he took it upon himself then to follow Erwin, right now it feels just dangling in space.”

Okay these are obviously Eruri crumbs at first glance and I recognize why exactly Eruris would celebrate over something like this because if we had a Levihan thing like this too, I’ll probably be celebrating too

But Let me offer my own interpretation of this as a Levihan stan

Yes, I recognize that for Levi losing Erwin was a big thing, but I’d like to paint some of the terms in a positive light for Levi. And the main key terms above were ‘Yosei’ and “Levi dangling in space’

So I’ll be focusing on those two:

余生 (Yosei)

余生 (Yosei) isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Yosei literally translates to ‘the remaining years of someone’s life” So it doesn't necessarily mean Levi’s a widow or Levi is lonely because Erwin’s not there anymore In fact, Yosei is used a lot from what I see, to mean, retirement years. So after you’re done with your job and you retire, your last few years playing golf, playing with grandchildren, those are your ‘yoseis’

And there are lots of takes I saw online to this Yosei thing

There was a meta in Japanese I found where they discussed the fact that Levi was approaching his twilight years. and the main reason he was facing ‘retirement’ wasn’t necessarily because Erwin was gone but because soon after Erwin died, the basement happened and it turned out there were enemies much stronger than titans out there.

The ‘Yosei’ meant, Levi retired from his role as ‘humanity’s strongest soldier’ because Levi was the ‘strongest soldier’ against titans, not against humans, the rapidly changing world and technology. I mean if we actually are objective about this, we could see the most capable survey corps member for handling the new enemy which is Marley and the Hizuru and just all the other countries and the impending war, was Hange since she is the best at navigating politics and she would be the quickest to adapt to technology.

So yes, if it’s obvious, I do not like the ‘Levi is a widow take’ AT ALL.

「エルヴィンの最期を看取って役割を全うし、現在宙ぶらりんな状態」

Since he took it upon himself then to follow Erwin, right now it feels just dangling in space.

But I’m not gonna discount the role of Erwin in Levi’s life. I think it is actually very important to understand why Levi feels like ‘he’s dangling in space.’

We all remember that last scene from ACWNR after Isabel and Farlan died and I’m sure we can all connect those last words from Erwin all the way until Levid decides to follow him to the role implied above.

Erwin was Levi’s compass. Erwin gave direction to Levi’s life and suddenly Erwin dies and at the same time the world opens up and Levi starts to realize he’s not as needed anymore and his role as humanity’s strongest is gone.

So obviously all those events at once would leave Levi in some sort of limbo right. And that’s why he gets this feeling that he has reached his ‘yosei’ years and he’s also dangling in some limbo

I can think of two more specific reasons he ends up ‘dangling.’

First reason is: Killing the beast titan, the last order Erwin gave Levi wasn’t so easy to do anymore given the political nuances, the environment and of course the fact that the world was already more complicated than killing titans. And to think that Levi makes a promise to do that right before Erwin died?

So I’m thinking the ‘dangling’ refers to Levi grappling with such complexities and nuances while trying to fulfill a goal which would have been so much easier if the basement thing didn’t happen and the world didn’t open up.

And my second reason is:

Warning: Before I go to this, I wanna warn you that this is my Levihan stan self reaching for pro-Levihan interpretations so feel free to ignore this if you don’t want crazy Levihan delusional interpretations.

Anyway, my second explanation which I like to play with and I like to keep close to me, being a Levihan fan is that Hange of all people, was the last veteran stuck to Levi and as we all know, according to Yams old interviews about Hange’s gender...

Hange’s a free soul. She’s like the balloon, the kite that just floats in space and just continues hanging, dangling and flying. And she’s the person who Levi ended up sticking to after Erwin’s death. And since he ended up with such a free sould, he didn’t necessarily find much direction again, the same way he found direction with Erwin.

Hange didn’t give a straightforward direction for Levi. But Hange provided comfort.

And I’d just like to introduce a pro-Levihan interpretation this.

So maybe ‘dangling in space’ and leaving the remaining years of his life like that isn’t such a bad thing? I mean I like to interpret this ‘retirement’ and ‘dangling’ as Levi finally being free of whatever ‘Ackerbond’ or whatever compass or order Erwin has set for him.

Because Hange went about her position as commander more as a parent to the cadets and more as a comrade to Levi than anything else. And with title of ‘humanity’s strongest soldier’ not so relevant anymore post season 3 with titans becoming a not so big threat compared to the impending war, I think the ‘yosei’ and the ‘dangling’ could be interpreted as freedom for Levi from his role as Erwin’s right hand man and freedom from the burden of being ‘humanity’s strongest.’

And the transition from having to report to Erwin to having to report to Hange, I think this can be interpreted as a breath of fresh air for Levi.

Yosei after all can be interpreted as freedom. When people retire, people are free right? They’re free to try out different things, they’re free to focus on other things. Even if people have to experience the pain of ‘loss’ when losing one position, the remnants of it, the ‘yosei’ isn’t inherently bad although it can be interpreted as that.

And the crumbs for this? I always believed that Levi generally acted freer under Hange than under Erwin. And I feel like I have created metas about this before about Hange’s leadership style: here and here

Anyway if you got this far, thanks for reading!

#levihan

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sometimesrosy · 3 years

Note

Hey. It's been a long time since I had a question. Maybe the 100's demise was the reason.

Now coming to my actual query. This past year I have binged numerous shows ranging from American to korean dramas or Turkish dizis. There is certain thing that I have felt and noticed throughout i.e., the woman characters aren't given even a slight leeway by the audience. If the even make a slight mistake, the audience remembers it always to stand against that character. Whereas if there is a male villain, people gets cheerful seeing even a slight bit of humanity in him. They even wait for its redemption.

Let me take an example of a Turkish show "kara sevda(black love)". A one line synopsis can be put like- two leads who love each other endlessly but can never be together. So, the villain in that show is beyond redemption. That character has fallen so far off that there is no coming back. But still when he is playing with a baby, people's comments are like 'best moment of the show.' 'see he is such a good person'. 'the female lead should accept his love'. Am like what?

And if I tell you about the female lead. She is a good person at heart who is sacrificing love for family. And she is labelled "selfish" by audience. 'She doesn't deserve the male lead' etc. And you know I too felt like that for the majority of the show until I reached the point of self reflect.

Even Clarke from the 100 faced so much hate that there wasn't any visible backlash when in the end the makers made her a villain. The backlash was for Bellamy death and stupid end instead.

Looking through tv series, it's so easy to see why tv or films doesn't have female anti heroes. Male anti heroes are so easy to find and also widely successful like Damon from tvd or Klaus.

What is your take?

Yup!

Yes.

Definitely.

You are absolutely correct. The leeway for female characters to show human imperfection is very, very thin. Meanwhile, a guy can literally blow up a planet, kill his beloved father, have temper tantrums with kicking and screaming and torture the female main characters and fandom-- and the creators-- think that makes him a hero. And the requirements for his redemption, if there are any at all amounts to:

WOOPSIE! I'M SOWWY.

I simply do NOT understand that phenomenon.

I mean, I get the need to relate to darker characters, morally gray characters, to explore our own negative impulses...but the whole tendency is, for me anyway, given a more sinister light when you compare how the audience tends to treat these outright villainous male characters compared to even SLIGHTLY morally gray female characters. Maybe just flawed.

It also interferes with satisfying redemption arcs. Because YES watching someone face their dark past and attempt to become better and be redeemed is a great story... but if male characters only have to wear a cape and be hot to be redeemed.... then that's not a satisfying redemption arc. And if women can't do ANYTHING to be redeemed because they are considered irredeemably selfish or whatever for the same flaws someone's Hot Dark Badboy smirks about and isn't even sorry for? Then we barely even get redemption stories for women.

And that's part of the problem, isn't it? Women aren't allowed the same representation as men... even as flawed characters.

The point of good representation is not to represent only the best, most perfect, most desirable, most successful type of people. The point is to allow everyone of any sex, race, gender, sexuality, religion, class, ability, etc to take part in the full spectrum of humanity in our stories, good and bad and mediocre. A female Mary Sue is just the female version your general male hero. One is considered bad storytelling the other is taken as The Way It Should Be.

Women are not allowed to have flaws in most of our pop culture, or women are ghettoized into only women's fic or romance or YA, or women take backseat to male villains, or whatever.

I'm writing a book where the woman abandoned her child, and she sleeps around and cons people and avoids commitment. I purposely wrote her to be unlikable.... or rather, she's not unlikable, she's clever and funny and weird, but she has characteristics that women aren't supposed to have. She essentially acts like a male anti-hero, until her call to action and she is forced to face her past mistakes. But I know that these are things that audiences say are irredeemable for women. Abandon her own child?? No. Not allowed. Even though plenty of male characters go off on adventures leaving wife and child behind and it isn't even considered a character flaw, just... a male adventurer. Or honestly, just a guy. Sure one who's imperfect, but that old ball and chain was probably the worst, right? He had to move on and now he has a tragic backstory and complexity and oh the audience will probably either want to be him or want to be with him, because, that's how these things work.

Not saying that characters shouldn't be dark, do bad things, have flaws, be anti-heroes, have redemption arcs, or have a deep, multilayered villainy.

But I am saying we might want to be a little more critical about what we consider irredeemable for certain people and what war crimes and abuse we let some characters get away with in the name of bold (white) masculinity.

IS the nature of being a (white) man we look up to someone who destroys other people?

I think that toxic masculinity IS seen as sexy. Unfortunately, that's one of the reasons it's seeped into our culture. Manly (white) men who abandon kids and kill without remorse, but with muscles. Manly (white) men who murder whole regions because bad things happened to them, and smolder while doing it. Manly (white) men who commit genocide regularly, but fall for the heroine and save her once. Manly (white) men who are serial killers but with an intriguing depth.

tbh there's lots more to say on the topic, some of it very controversial. These are the stories we like to hear and the characters we love. And it might be rooted in the toxic masculinity that our society has been selling to us as propaganda for decades, if not centuries-- but we don't like to be told to examine our biases, our tastes, our preferences, or our beliefs. It's threatening to our sense of self.

However, that is how you unravel all sorts of toxic belief systems, from misogyny to racism to homophobia to bigotry of all kinds. I added the (white) to this post after I read through it, because I realized non white male characters are not allowed this leeway, either. So this phenomenon is generally (not always) limited to white men. Why?????

my theory? we're still making the colonialists the heroes of the story, friends.

#misogyny #toxic masculinity #media #anti heroes and villains #colonialism #pop culture #fandom #redemption arcs

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stonerz4sokka · 3 years

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i rlly like your analysis and interpretation of the characters!! what do you think is the correlation between katara's trauma with being put on the mother role and her relationship with sokka? because it's obvious none of them are the sole parental figure to each other, but for some reasom people seem to think sokka is always irresponsible while katara had to keep him from doing stupid stuff and being his ‘mom’ or whatever. do you think sokka only being able to picture his mom as through katara has to do more with how katara is the girl and what sokka imagines his mother would be in theory, more than the actual dynamic they have in practice?

thank you for the compliment!

short answer; yea you’re pretty much right. here’s the long answer though:

katara had her childhood stripped from her at such a young age and shouldered the domestic and emotional labor both in her home & within the gaang. she performs tasks like washing clothes, sewing sokka’s pants, even in s1ep1 she’s doing the chores while sokka is ‘playing warrior.’ it makes sense for her to do water related chores since... y’know... she’s a waterbender. she can wash clothes way faster than a nonbender like sokka would. but it’s clear that both sokka and katara throughout the show hold gender essentialist values. like when katara tells toph she’s not being ladylike or when she made fun of sokka for carrying a purse and wearing a ponytail. or even when sokka tells aang to not respond to ‘twinkle toes’ because it’s not manly. both sokka and katara grew up in the same environment, so they’ve both internalized these misogynistic beliefs, but since their respective genders are different, how it manifests in their actions differs as well.

it’s safe to say that mothers are more often than not the bearers of emotional and domestic labor, so sokka envisioning katara when trying to remember his mom is actually a reflection on how skewed his understanding of motherhood is, because he genuinely cannot remember his mom like katara does. mothers are more than the domestic and emotional labor they provide, but if you are a young boy who doesn’t remember his mom and holds the belief that women are the natural caretakers, if your sister does those tasks that your mom isn’t there to complete then it makes sense why she’s filled that void. but katara remembers kya, which is why she was so offended when toph said she acted like a mom. she knows the hole her mother’s death left is one she cannot and does not want to fill. katara doesn’t want to shoulder these responsibilities, but she never had a choice. it’s clear from the beginning when she and aang went penguin sledding that she’s just a young girl who wants to have fun.

just like katara was forced to take on more responsibility, so was sokka. going back to TBITIB, look at the precision in his warrior makeup application, how he kneeled at the edge of the village ready to fight knowing he would lose. he’s had a very real understanding of his own and his people’s mortality from a young age. not that katara doesn’t share any of this awareness, but she’s sokka’s little sister, which is a crucial aspect of their dynamic. sokka plays the role of the ‘wet blanket’ so katara can retain at least some of her innocence. even though he’s a boy who insists on fact and logic, he always follows katara down her impulsive paths because she’s his number one priority, period. he doesn’t care how irrational or selfish she’s being, he will always be there to protect her.

your point about people misinterpreting katara’s empathetic and bossy nature as motherhood boils down to three things: 1) a lack of understanding of what motherhood entails, 2) racism & misogyny and 3) lack of experience with youngest sisters OR are the youngest themselves and lack self-awareness. i am not a mother, so i cannot paint an accurate picture of what motherhood is. what i can say, as someone who loves my mom very much, is that if she acted like a 14 year old katara i would’ve died years ago. katara’s trauma forced her to assume certain responsibilities that the target audience of atla couldn’t understand, but that doesn’t mean she’s not a child. if you’ve ever spoken to a fourteen year old you know that one minute they could say something thoughtful & intriguing and the next say something incredibly stupid. she’s still growing as a person and she still deserves to be treated as a child even if her obligations aren’t of one.

it’s also rooted in racialized misogyny because of the notion that traumatized dark-skinned girls are inherently more mature than their light-skinned peers. it strips brown girls of their innocence and acts as if their experiences are ‘justified’ or ‘less harmful’ because naturally, of course, they can handle more. again, katara is still very much a child and is no one’s mother, please stop viewing the brown women in your life as emotional dumpsters. and finally, katara is the youngest sister. i am the youngest sister, and although my relationship with my sibling is one that’s not similar to sokka and katara’s & is too complex and personal to unpack on tumblr.edu, it is a universal fact that we are insufferable. we’re bossy & can be really mean and snarky. it’s in our nature to make our eldest sibling(s)’ life as hard as possible. the “himboification” of my brown king sokka is also rooted in racism & fandom’s general affliction towards critical thinking. y’all literally cannot handle when a brown man is intelligent and the terrible takes around his character shows how y’all don’t actually engage with the text but just view these characters as barbie dolls to dress up with whatever imaginary traits and ‘headcannons’ you pull out your ass.

basically, while sokka leans on katara’s emotional and domestic labor, she also leans on him as the ‘plan guy’ and as her older brother who’ll be there for her no matter what. they both feel strong duties to uphold the sacrifices of their same-gender parent but through their arcs, they subverted their respective gender roles and redefined what being ‘the last waterbender’ and a ‘warrior’ meant. they are both deeply traumatized children who raised one another and are nowhere near capable of raising kids.

#sokka #katara #sokka and katara #analysis #asks #anon #im slowly learning that its impossible for me to give a concise answer #i just love these siblings so much!!! they're the greatest #post s1ep3 all of sokka's sexist moments are honestly just reflections of his own insecurities in his masculinity #anyways i dont trust yall with sokka..... i mean ofc besides ... well you know who u are <3 #and same thing with katara...... i refuse to let yall adulterate the most well written teenage girl in western cinema PERIOD #writing this reminded me of how important their respective relationships with aang are because #he really showed them how to have fun and enjoy things just to enjoy them #anyways #people who dont get sokka dont understand abed and they dont understand wirt!!! let's talk about it #god i hope this is cohesive and answers ur question sometimes i ramble and completely forget what the point of what im writing is because i #get too excited #feel free 2 lmk if this isn't the answer u were looking for

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